Tate Speech - January 19, 2024


The 2 Kilometer Car | Tate Confidential Ep 210


Episode Stats

Length

17 minutes

Words per Minute

151.38028

Word Count

2,687

Sentence Count

266

Misogynist Sentences

7

Hate Speech Sentences

11


Summary

It's your Name Day, and Alex bought you a gift that makes you feel like you're in a dream world where everyone knows your name, but you don't even notice it because you're not even aware that it's your birthday. And it's a good one, because it's the day before your actual birthday, so why not celebrate it with the best gift you can get for your birthday? Alex buys you a Bali Cigar, but it's not just any Bali cigarette. It's a special kind of Bali Cigar, you know the kind you smoke in the middle of the night in a treehouse in Bali. Cheers to Bali, and Happy Birthday, Andrew! This episode is brought to you by Gimlet Media, and edited by Alex Blumberg. If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts! or wherever else you get your news and updates. You can also join our FB page: and use the hashtag to help spread the word about this podcast. Thanks for listening and supporting this podcast! XOXO, Alex and Andrew. xoxo xOllywood, Alex, Andrew, Alex & Alex is a podcast about life, love, and everything in between. Please rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast if you like it, and tell a friend about it so they can help spread it around the word around the world. Thank you for listening to it! Love ya! xx - Andrew, Andrew and Alex, bye bye, bye. - P.S. XO, Andrew xo, P.M. Love you, Andrew xx - Alex, Gav, EJ, Rachit, Saje, AJ, JUICY, GABE, R.A. & P.B. & AJ, - EJ. ( ) (A. ( ) <3 ( ) ( ) - E. (Alyssa, GRAVY, JAYE ( ) Thank you so much, SONGS ( ) & Alyssa ( ) ( & AYO ( )( ) (AUGHTY, RAYA ( ) ? (TAYLOR ( ) AND KAREN ( ) and AYAN ( ) )


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Thanks for watching!
00:00:08.000 It was right all along, forever ocean, it's fixed everything.
00:00:10.000 Why did they make it impossible to open?
00:00:13.000 So that we don't cheat on our diet.
00:00:15.000 Why is this tape so hard to-?
00:00:18.000 No way! Dig in! I wanted a chocolate. Obviously I had to have one.
00:00:35.000 Andrew, Andrew, Andrew.
00:00:59.000 Bye.
00:01:01.000 Today is your name day.
00:01:03.000 And since I've moved to Romania, I've learned the importance of what a name day is.
00:01:08.000 And so I got you a gift.
00:01:10.000 I don't know if you noticed yesterday, but I was out of the house for quite some time.
00:01:14.000 And I went to three stores to find this.
00:01:17.000 And I was super upset because I didn't think I was going to be able to get you a gift for your birthday or your name day.
00:01:21.000 But I finally found it.
00:01:22.000 It took me forever, but this is specifically for you.
00:01:32.000 I went all over town for that.
00:01:33.000 you That's about to smoke it then.
00:01:37.000 Do you like your gift? I do actually.
00:01:39.000 It's much better than anything else I could have possibly been.
00:01:42.000 Thank you. Love you too, Andrew.
00:01:44.000 Love you, bro. Happy birthday.
00:01:48.000 Name date. This is Ollywood.
00:01:50.000 Fuck my knowledge Enjoy present
00:01:56.000 Where is he faced what is help This is the most powerful olive oil in the world
00:02:05.000 Alex, what's a name day? You're the only Romanian here.
00:02:07.000 What's a name day? So a name day is the day of a saint.
00:02:13.000 So when a saint has his day and his name is the same like your name, this means that it's your birthday name.
00:02:26.000 Happy name day! The fact that my name day and my actual birthday are day after another makes it just even more pointless completely.
00:02:32.000 Your birthday is tomorrow. Completely ridiculous.
00:02:35.000 But today's your name day.
00:02:36.000 Get fucked. This is where the lines are blurred.
00:02:44.000 Are these for your name day or your birthday tomorrow?
00:02:46.000 No one knows. Well, the fact that they're one day after another makes it even more ridiculous and pointless that they even exist at all.
00:02:54.000 No, you get double gifts.
00:02:57.000 Coffee. That's the coffee they shit out.
00:03:05.000 Oh, that's the fancy coffee.
00:03:07.000 Oreos. Oreos?
00:03:09.000 All this stuff's from Bali.
00:03:10.000 Someone in Bali sent me a bunch of presents.
00:03:15.000 I get presents all around the world.
00:03:21.000 But the best present I got was this cigarette.
00:03:25.000 Oh, thanks.
00:03:26.000 Because I smoked it when I was alone, and you were none of your cunts.
00:03:29.000 I'm tired of living with you all day, every day.
00:03:32.000 Oh, more cigarettes.
00:03:35.000 Nice! Nice! That might be the best gift.
00:03:38.000 Let's have a Bali cigarette. Bali cigarette?
00:03:40.000 Yeah, some super hot yoga chick in Bali who's obsessed with me and she's like 10 out of 10 and she's blonde and she's sexy and lives in Bali and says, Andrew, the way to escape the Matrix is to come live in Bali with me in my treehouse and impregnate me repeatedly.
00:03:54.000 I'm like, well, I can't. I'm stuck inside the Matrix now.
00:03:57.000 She's like, yeah, but you don't need the Lambos and the Bugattis and the money.
00:03:59.000 You can just come here and impregnate me in my Balinese treehouse.
00:04:03.000 You know, she's got millions of followers, and everyone's like, inboxing her, saying, I love you!
00:04:06.000 But really, she ignores them all, because she's as possessed as me.
00:04:08.000 Like every other female on the planet.
00:04:10.000 And she's definitely buying e-cigarettes, so...
00:04:12.000 Props to her!
00:04:14.000 She's one step closer to getting knocked out.
00:04:21.000 Not bad. That is pretty good, not gonna lie.
00:04:23.000 Here, we should go to Bali. Cheers to Bali.
00:04:26.000 Cheers. Is Alex trying to poison you with nicotine gum?
00:04:31.000 Nicotine gum? He's got nicotine gum.
00:04:34.000 Why did you bring nicotine gum into this house?
00:04:41.000 Nicotine does make you strong, that is true.
00:04:43.000 But why don't you just get it from cigars the old-fashioned way?
00:04:45.000 Yeah, with cigarettes. Loads and loads and loads and loads and loads of cigars.
00:04:50.000 How does nicotine gum work? Cibarette, nice. Top it off.
00:05:10.000 I'm jealous. I need nicotine.
00:05:12.000 This is my fifth coffee of the morning.
00:05:19.000 Nicotine powers your brain and makes you smarter.
00:05:20.000 I don't know that. I think it's working. It's not working?
00:05:24.000 You do realize it helps in moderation, but you two absolutely abuse it.
00:05:33.000 I'm world-renowned for it, and I've never heard that word before.
00:05:35.000 Have you heard that word? Moderation.
00:05:39.000 Moderation? What does that mean?
00:05:41.000 It sounds like modern gender roles.
00:05:44.000 Or modern art.
00:05:46.000 Andrew, did you get some of the nicotine gun?
00:05:51.000 I'm kind of enjoying this nicotine gun.
00:05:52.000 I'm not even playing those games.
00:05:54.000 We're smoking 10 cigars today.
00:05:56.000 The reason- Here's why. Let me explain to the world.
00:05:58.000 My brother and I only have one speak.
00:06:01.000 We're either off or we're on.
00:06:03.000 And if we're on, it's attack.
00:06:04.000 So I can't become a fucking loser who has nicotine gum.
00:06:07.000 So I'll end up chewing 500 pieces of nicotine gum a day.
00:06:11.000 A cigar or a cigarette is a delivery vehicle which can slow me down.
00:06:15.000 I can only smoke the cigar as fast as it can be smoked.
00:06:18.000 So God invented the cigar to give me nicotine at a pace in which my blood will not turn to solid nicotine.
00:06:23.000 If I start chewing nicotine gum, my blood will coagulate and it will thicken up with pure nicotine and it will stop moving through my veins and I'll become the man of rock.
00:06:33.000 I won't die, but then what will happen is Once I'm made of pure rock, my enemies will try to arrest me, and they won't be able to, because they're going to try to put me into something I haven't done.
00:06:42.000 I want them to move my arms, put my hands in handcuffs, so then they're going to shoot me.
00:06:48.000 You see? Should've stopped us a guy.
00:06:50.000 Another car.
00:06:59.000 What?
00:07:02.000 Bye.
00:07:03.000 I mean, I certainly don't need any more cars, but this is one I'm not even sure I want.
00:07:08.000 Because I have struggles in my life.
00:07:10.000 Nagging questions.
00:07:13.000 It's an M3. Competition.
00:07:16.000 Chump change. Lunch money.
00:07:18.000 M3 competition, what is that?
00:07:20.000 150, whatever. But because I'm the kind of person who has a constant quest for knowledge, because I'm not a dork like you people, I have to know the answers to everything.
00:07:30.000 When I see something, if I see a puzzle, I cannot remain perplexed and I cannot just take my mind away from it and permanently distract myself with Pornhub like a loser.
00:07:38.000 I need to know the answer all of the time, which is my secret for unlimited success and has propelled me to the absolute highest echelons of masculine achievement.
00:07:47.000 And when I bought my RS7 ABT with 1,000 horsepower, it made me, it reminded me of my M5. Which decaw I've taken.
00:07:54.000 900 horsepower. And I was comparing how heavy the steering was.
00:07:57.000 Because the car feels a little bit heavy even though it is an absolute animal.
00:08:01.000 And then I thought, I wonder if an M3 feels a little bit lighter.
00:08:05.000 Driving this RS7... It reminds me of my M5, obviously.
00:08:11.000 But then it makes me wonder. Like, what's...
00:08:12.000 What's an M3 like?
00:08:16.000 Like steering-wise.
00:08:17.000 Like, what's the feel of an M3, you know?
00:08:22.000 So the only way I could possibly find out is to buy an M3. So I bought this car because I was curious how the steering will feel.
00:08:34.000 So now we're going to find out.
00:08:37.000 That's why I bought it. What else would I buy?
00:08:41.000 I have 53 cars already.
00:08:43.000 So...
00:08:47.000 I know you nerds at home don't understand these problems, but when you're trying to compare RS7 ABT steering against
00:08:54.000 your M5 steering, then you wonder what M3 feels like.
00:08:58.000 So you just have to buy one.
00:08:59.000 I don't give a shit about any of these cars.
00:09:01.000 I mean, I'm a Bugatti driver, but...
00:09:03.000 It's just curiosity.
00:09:05.000 There's not much in the world that's very interesting to a man like me anymore.
00:09:08.000 I have it all. I've seen it all.
00:09:09.000 I've done everything. You people are so fucking pathetic that you look forward to holidays.
00:09:17.000 I've had people tell me what they would do if they had my money and influence, and all they're doing is explaining to me why they will never have my money or influence.
00:09:25.000 Bro, if I was just you, I'd just go to Thailand!
00:09:28.000 That's your ambition? Sand?
00:09:32.000 The beach? That's all you want?
00:09:34.000 You want to sit on the sand?
00:09:35.000 If that can entertain you, there is absolutely no question in my mind as to why you're a fuck-up.
00:09:41.000 Men like me, we search for problems and solutions, and our brain is inquisitive.
00:09:47.000 And my inquisitive brain wants to understand how the M3 feels to steer.
00:09:50.000 All because I bought the Audi RS7. And I only bought that because I wanted to compare it to my M5. And I only bought that because I wanted to compare it to my S6 and the M8. It's the chain reaction.
00:10:02.000 That's literally what happened.
00:10:05.000 So. Coffee.
00:10:07.000 Smoke, M3, let's go.
00:10:11.000 You should have a very inquisitive mind.
00:10:19.000 Any of you men out there, if you had half a brain, would be sitting there thinking, why am I a fuck-up?
00:10:25.000 Why am I a loser? Why am I constantly outperformed by Andrew Tate?
00:10:30.000 Well, obviously, he's the top G. But do I ever stand a chance of even getting anywhere near him?
00:10:35.000 Why does my girlfriend not like having sex with me?
00:10:39.000 None of these things cross your mind.
00:10:41.000 You should. Let's put my coffee down.
00:10:49.000 There. Perfect.
00:10:53.000 M mode, obviously.
00:10:59.000 So does it feel as heavy as the RS7? We're going to find out.
00:11:03.000 Most of you would get a brand new M3 and it'd be the best day of your life.
00:11:06.000 To me, it's actually a little bit inconvenient.
00:11:08.000 Imagine that. The best day of your life.
00:11:10.000 I consider an inconvenience.
00:11:14.000 Best day of my life.
00:11:15.000 I'm like, oh, for fuck's sake, I forgot about that.
00:11:17.000 Feels very similar to the M5, to be honest.
00:11:26.000 It doesn't feel that different at all.
00:11:28.000 Yeah, I think I still prefer the...
00:11:45.000 I think of all of them, the M5 is my favorite.
00:11:48.000 Then it'll be the RS7 ABT. And then probably the M3. Probably M3 is in last place.
00:11:53.000 No, the M3. Then the S63 AMG is in fourth because that just feels so heavy.
00:11:57.000 It feels like a boat. Maybe I need to buy the new C63 AMG to test that.
00:12:03.000 Just to see what it feels like.
00:12:06.000 This is just going to sit on the driveway forever.
00:12:08.000 Well, I don't want it. What the fuck is it?
00:12:10.000 I've got Ferraris, bro. What the fuck do I want to drive on M340? Am I gay?
00:12:16.000 Yeah, so...
00:12:17.000 There we go. Car purchase.
00:12:21.000 Two kilometers on the clock.
00:12:22.000 Done. Don't want anymore.
00:12:25.000 Sorry, man. But now I've sat...
00:12:27.000 That's worth... That's worth 200 grand whatever it was to me.
00:12:30.000 That's worth it. Now I know.
00:12:33.000 M5's my favorite. RS7 ABT is my second favorite.
00:12:37.000 This is my third favorite.
00:12:38.000 And the S63 AMG is my fourth favorite.
00:12:40.000 Now the question is, do I buy a C63 AMG, the new one, with the two-liter engine, four-cylinder, which is trash, but it's hybrid, and give it a chance, even though I'm sure I'm going to be disappointed, because then I'm going to have a V8 like an AMG should.
00:12:53.000 And do I spend all that money just to definitely put it in last place?
00:12:57.000 Or do I just give up?
00:12:58.000 But now I have a nagging question in my mind, and I can find out for as little as $200,000.
00:13:03.000 $200,000 to me is like, I don't even know what that is to you, brokies.
00:13:07.000 I can buy cars easier than you can buy Starbucks.
00:13:09.000 I guarantee I could go into a car dealership and you can go into a Starbucks and you keep ordering coffees and I keep ordering cars.
00:13:14.000 I guarantee you're not wanting to hear this. I mean it looks good, the M3, sounds good.
00:13:25.000 You should probably do like, uh...
00:13:27.000 What you should do, Bailey.
00:13:29.000 You probably should do like a video or something around it and get some pictures of it and like make it cool because...
00:13:34.000 We'll get some value out of it because I am never gonna drive this car ever
00:13:37.000 again.
00:13:44.000 I'm gonna get some value out of it.
00:13:51.000 I'm gonna get some value out of it.
00:13:58.000 Now I felt that the steering is a little bit different.
00:14:27.000 I drove it up there.
00:14:28.000 I drove it like two miles.
00:14:32.000 Bro, you're buying cars to test the steering.
00:14:34.000 How else would I know? Listen, bro.
00:14:39.000 Firstly, the problem with running a car is that other men have been in that car, so it feels a bit gay.
00:14:49.000 True or false? Other men have been there.
00:14:52.000 So if I want to test the steering on an M3, the only way to do it is to buy one.
00:14:57.000 Okay, so why do you have carbon on it?
00:14:59.000 Who wants you to put carbon in the body?
00:15:02.000 Well, I broke it. So you have to put that on there to test it?
00:15:05.000 Yeah, but now the problem is, I mean, the M3 is a very nice car, and it's got carbon, and it's a great car.
00:15:10.000 But for me to pick it, I now have to go outside and say no to an SF9, and then say no to another SF9. And then say no to a 765.
00:15:19.000 And then say no to a GT3 RS. And then say no to an MC20. Say no to the RS7ABT. Like, there's a lot of no's I have to get through before I pick the M3. Anyway, much beacons convenience that he walked into.
00:15:35.000 To quote your esteemed philosopher, Missy Elliott, I don't want to fend to see how the back doors open up.
00:15:44.000 I feel like... I feel it.
00:15:47.000 It was annoying me. It was in my head.
00:15:49.000 I wonder if the M3 steering feels the same.
00:15:51.000 And I thought of it like three different times throughout a one-week period.
00:15:54.000 Why would you not know what's the reason for this?
00:15:58.000 Well, I don't know.
00:16:00.000 We'll see how it goes.
00:16:02.000 Missy Elliott, 2008.
00:16:04.000 Let's actually work this out.
00:16:06.000 Let's say you're the average man.
00:16:07.000 Let's get a calculator. You're the average man, and you earn $10,000 a month, which is a lot of money.
00:16:13.000 You're rich, right? Which means...
00:16:16.000 The average bag doesn't earn $10,000.
00:16:24.000 I don't know how much people get paid.
00:16:26.000 I don't know. I'm rich. Okay, let's say the average bag earns $5,000 a month, which is around $3,000 a month.
00:16:32.000 I would honestly say about $4,000.
00:16:35.000 Yeah, you're right. But we're proper from the ghetto.
00:16:37.000 Let's say $5,000, right?
00:16:39.000 That is $166 a day.
00:16:43.000 I earn roughly half a million.
00:16:46.000 Again, right?
00:16:48.000 So a 200 grand car is around 40% of my income.
00:16:52.000 So, of my daily income.
00:16:55.000 So it's like the average person, 166 times 0.4, if the average person spent 60 quid, $60, the average guy who went out and spent $60 on groceries, you wouldn't say he's crazy.
00:17:08.000 So I spent $60 on a fucking M3! Yeah, if he found a pair of sneakers, hear me out.
00:17:14.000 And they were comfortable. He wanted to try the different colors, and he bought an extra pair of sneakers for 60 bucks, and then two pairs of sneakers instead of one.
00:17:20.000 You're like, yeah, that makes sense. Okay, right.
00:17:22.000 The average of 60 bucks is like, cool, but if I spend the same percentage income on a car, I'm crazy.
00:17:28.000 So, I agree.
00:17:29.000 But, that's not what you do.
00:17:32.000 What I mean? What you're doing is, if you've got groceries at home, you have everything you want, and then you've bought all the groceries together in a different color just to see if they taste the same, even though you're not going to use them.
00:17:42.000 That's very different than spending the $60 you need for a car.