Tate Speech - July 26, 2022


THE BEST COOKIES IN MIAMI | Tate Confidential Ep. 126


Episode Stats

Length

16 minutes

Words per Minute

155.93782

Word Count

2,508

Sentence Count

436

Misogynist Sentences

14

Hate Speech Sentences

6


Summary

Tristan and Andrew are in a hotel in Miami, Florida, and they need to get out of there fast. But how fast should they go? How fast can they go, and what should they do to make the most of their time in the city that they love so much, and how much money can they afford to spend in Miami? The answer to all of these questions and more will be revealed in this episode of the podcast. Join us as we discuss the best way to spend a night in Miami and how to get the most out of a short amount of time in one of the most expensive cities in the world, Miami, FL. Enjoy the episode, and don t forget to leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts! If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and also, share the podcast with your friends and tell us what you think about it in the comments section below! Timestamps: 0:00:00 - What do you think of this episode? 6:20 - Is this episode good or bad? 8:30 - Should we stay in Miami or go back to the US? 9:40 - How much money should we spend in a city like this? 11:00 14:15 - What is the best place to stay? 16:20 17:30 18:15 19: Should we go to Miami, Miami is for rich people? 21:00 | Miami is insane? 22:40 27: What do we do in Miami is the most fun place in the most insane place I've ever? 26:00 // 27:30 | How do we need to spend the most money? 29:00 + 30:00 Is this place? 31:00 What does this place for me? 32:00 Do you think I m going to spend my soul? 35:00 Can we have fun in Miami?? 36:00 Are you in a good room? 37:00 39:00 How do you like it? 40:00 Does this place suck? 45:00 Don t I don t I like Miami, do I need to stay here? 41:00 36:10 47:00 40:30 Can we stay here in Miami ? 44:00 47:40 Can I stay there more?


Transcript

00:00:02.000 And here I am. Look, I'm a fucking dickhead.
00:00:03.000 Look at me. Peer pressure. Why the fuck am I around you?
00:00:07.000 I hate you. You're the worst people in the world.
00:00:09.000 I literally hate all of you.
00:00:11.000 Good shot, man, for 10!
00:00:13.000 Good shot, man, for 10!
00:00:23.000 I think I'm gonna take that.
00:00:30.000 Two.
00:00:40.000 Andrew, who am I doing an impression of?
00:00:42.000 Oh, no.
00:00:45.000 What do you mean? Luke?
00:00:47.000 Yeah, Luke. Wait, what? You can't just dance.
00:00:59.000 Why are we here? What do you got?
00:01:00.000 I got us these. I don't like the United States.
00:01:02.000 What are they? They don't have them anywhere else.
00:01:04.000 Four toothbrushes for three dollars.
00:01:06.000 And you're telling me why you're asking me why we can- Just by- This is the reason.
00:01:09.000 You don't need four toothbrushes.
00:01:10.000 Tristan, they have these.
00:01:12.000 This is the reason we came to Miami. They don't have these anywhere else.
00:01:15.000 We don't like Miami. Listen, Tristan, you said you wanted to stay in Romania, but you lost the card game, the card trick.
00:01:21.000 I famosed you, I bamboozled you, and I predicted your card perfectly.
00:01:24.000 It was amazing. You didn't.
00:01:26.000 You're making that up. No, no, no.
00:01:27.000 It was amazing. It was amazing. They're making this up.
00:01:29.000 And Tristan, genuinely, think about it.
00:01:30.000 Where else could we get these?
00:01:32.000 I'm a magician. Oh.
00:01:35.000 That's not what you are. No means yes.
00:01:37.000 Am I a magician? Because he knows.
00:01:45.000 So you got two toothbrushes.
00:01:47.000 Why do you get two toothbrushes? You actually don't know why we came to Miami.
00:01:54.000 Those are yours? We came to work on our cookie business.
00:01:59.000 What do you mean cookie business?
00:02:01.000 We have a cookie business named after you.
00:02:03.000 We don't have a cookie business. What's the number one word people use to describe you?
00:02:07.000 Loser. Talisman. Geek.
00:02:10.000 Besides loser. There's no one...
00:02:12.000 Tiny. No one...
00:02:13.000 Tiny? I'm bigger than both of you.
00:02:17.000 He is tiny, is he? Ah!
00:02:20.000 Tiny cookies. Tiny Tate.
00:02:22.000 Tiny Tate's cookies!
00:02:24.000 You need to grow the fuck up while I fly home by myself.
00:02:26.000 Do you admit it? Do you admit we have a cookie?
00:02:28.000 No. Do you admit you have a cookie?
00:02:29.000 Ah, so every time we buy these we get profit.
00:02:34.000 What are you doing? We're helping our business.
00:02:38.000 We can't just buy Cheetos.
00:02:43.000 We're going to eat the Cheetos.
00:02:44.000 We're going to eat the fucking cookies. Yeah, we are.
00:02:46.000 You think we don't eat all the...
00:02:48.000 We make the best cookies. I bet they're awful.
00:02:49.000 I bet they're the best. We're buying them because it's our business.
00:02:52.000 It's our business. Pure profit.
00:02:58.000 Oh, it's definitely poison. Yeah, wait, why'd you get that one?
00:03:00.000 Get this one. Extra strength.
00:03:02.000 Those are extra strength, too. Yeah, but the red one.
00:03:06.000 So listen, five hour energy.
00:03:07.000 If I drink five of these, then I'll have 25 hours of energy for a day.
00:03:12.000 Here, I need five. I'll drink it for five.
00:03:15.000 25 hours of energy.
00:03:17.000 I've effectively eliminated sleep and doubled my lifespan.
00:03:19.000 And you think you're the smart one.
00:03:21.000 I'm the brains of this outfit, clearly.
00:03:24.000 Enjoy sleeping.
00:03:26.000 Enjoy sleeping.
00:03:28.000 Tristan, it's not funny at all.
00:03:33.000 Listen! You ever heard of the term Miami insane?
00:03:37.000 No. It's not a term.
00:03:39.000 I'm going Miami insane.
00:03:43.000 That's not a term. Yes, it is.
00:03:45.000 No. Yes, it is.
00:03:46.000 You're lying. Throw chairs off balconies.
00:03:49.000 Don't do that. Aikido. It's my chair.
00:03:51.000 Champagne. Your room.
00:03:52.000 I don't care about your room. Listen.
00:03:55.000 Miami is for rich people.
00:03:58.000 And we are rich.
00:04:01.000 Rick. So, we need to go Miami insane.
00:04:06.000 You don't have math.
00:04:08.000 It's a basic equation. It's smart.
00:04:10.000 We need to do boat Aikido.
00:04:13.000 Jet ski martinis.
00:04:16.000 I don't think you're listening to it. I don't think you're listening to it.
00:04:19.000 What does this mean? Drunk driving.
00:04:23.000 Things! Action!
00:04:24.000 Action! There's action in Miami.
00:04:26.000 We need to spend lots of money and have lots of fun.
00:04:30.000 Although this hotel, we're spending $10,000 for a couple days, and it is actually terrible.
00:04:35.000 This hotel is substandard.
00:04:37.000 So what we need to do is up the budgets, increase expenditure.
00:04:41.000 The more money we throw out into Miami, the more fun will come into my soul.
00:04:48.000 That's cause and effect.
00:04:50.000 So you're telling me we should spend as much money as possible and plan the most crazy, fun activities we can possibly find in Miami?
00:04:57.000 Yes. I say we just stay in the hotel room.
00:05:00.000 Your cousin is disabled. Let's go in the metaverse.
00:05:06.000 Aren't there NFT places here?
00:05:08.000 You're in charge of fun. Miami's NFT land.
00:05:10.000 Do something fun. I'm in charge of fun.
00:05:12.000 I'm going to plan for us the most crazy activities.
00:05:15.000 NFT party. Should we just add your intake to our drive?
00:05:20.000 Just grabbing this food and buy it.
00:05:23.000 The ultimate end. Last episode.
00:05:24.000 No more uploads. Just watch.
00:05:26.000 Yeah. Last episode.
00:05:28.000 Salvage the phone out of the ocean though.
00:05:31.000 Nah, we can just wrestle off in the fall.
00:05:33.000 Good point. Last scene.
00:05:35.000 See you later, Luke. Nah, that doesn't sound as good.
00:05:38.000 My son, you're in charge of fun.
00:05:40.000 You sound terrible. Keep me entertained.
00:05:42.000 You made me come here. Keep me entertained.
00:05:44.000 I've got an idea. Okay.
00:05:46.000 I'm in. You look like a cultured man.
00:05:48.000 I am. Leave it to me.
00:05:50.000 NFTs? Can't flip me off.
00:05:57.000 We need to go back into that verse.
00:06:00.000 You're not. Breakfast.
00:06:05.000 You just finished the night of boozing.
00:06:07.000 You went for the pancakes, yeah? Cool.
00:06:09.000 Good choice. It's not for the gin and tart.
00:06:16.000 Yeah. Oh, the gin and tea. That wasn't one of the breakfast meals.
00:06:20.000 It wasn't all the options.
00:06:21.000 I ordered it from the same waitress you ordered your breakfast from.
00:06:28.000 Why do you do these things? What things?
00:06:30.000 Keep the buzz going, you know?
00:06:32.000 Why do you want the buzz to keep going?
00:06:34.000 Keep the buzz. Carry the buzz over.
00:06:36.000 Until the next day. So you're a bumblebee?
00:06:39.000 Yes. Okay, I cracked it.
00:06:44.000 Banana smoothie? Nice.
00:06:50.000 Can I have another gin and tonic, please?
00:06:52.000 Thank you. And can I have a banana smoothie, please?
00:06:54.000 Sure. Thanks. You can't actually want gin tonics.
00:06:58.000 They're refreshing. No, they're not.
00:07:00.000 They're not. They're actually not.
00:07:02.000 They're not. And I bet you Take Confidential's psyops into believing that they're actually rejuvenating and refreshing.
00:07:07.000 They are refreshing. But they're not.
00:07:08.000 Lou, Andrew, you get the final say.
00:07:11.000 Are gin tonics refreshing?
00:07:13.000 They're not. It's a lie.
00:07:16.000 It's a psyop.
00:07:19.000 I hope someone on Take Confidential actually tries to drink as much as you do.
00:07:23.000 All right. Yeah, they'll just feel.
00:07:26.000 They'll feel what it is.
00:07:28.000 They'll realize quickly it's not refreshing.
00:07:30.000 It's not rejuvenating. Why are we in Miami?
00:07:41.000 He did.
00:07:47.000 Man, that was such a good card trick.
00:07:49.000 Man, it was fucking good though.
00:07:52.000 I'm serious. I really wish I recorded it.
00:07:54.000 I might have to do it again for the cameras.
00:07:56.000 I know. No, it was really, really, really good.
00:07:58.000 I might do it again if you fall for it twice. No way.
00:08:00.000 He probably will. Alright, what do we do if he falls for it twice?
00:08:05.000 We would have to go nuts, wouldn't we?
00:08:07.000 We would have to go nuts, wouldn't we?
00:08:08.000 Not going back to Romania until you stop falling for that card trick.
00:08:11.000 Yeah, that's fair. That's fair.
00:08:13.000 So from now on, whenever you want to go back to Romania, do a card trick.
00:08:17.000 If you fall for it, we don't go back.
00:08:19.000 We go somewhere else. I'm never going to remain again.
00:08:25.000 So he knows. He's admitted defeat.
00:08:27.000 He can't beat the car trick. No, I just don't.
00:08:29.000 You've accepted it. So it's my birthday.
00:08:39.000 It's my birthday, and I'm going to spend my money.
00:08:41.000 It is your birthday. Tristan, you said spend money, so that's the plan.
00:08:44.000 Yeah, good. Just woke up.
00:08:47.000 Nice sunny morning in Miami.
00:08:49.000 Nice cup of booze. It's booze.
00:08:51.000 No. I hate booze.
00:08:53.000 Paper cup booze. Yeah.
00:08:54.000 Because this is America. It's my birthday, and you have to drink booze.
00:09:00.000 Don't worry, I can improve this booze.
00:09:01.000 I'll be back in a second. I'll be back in a second.
00:09:03.000 Back in a second. What do you mean?
00:09:04.000 Nothing can improve booze.
00:09:06.000 Everyone knows that. Booze is horrible.
00:09:08.000 We'll see. It's horrible no matter what.
00:09:10.000 There's nothing you can possibly do to make it better.
00:09:13.000 What's he gonna do? Hold on fire!
00:09:21.000 Alright, you'll go fire. Alright, it's midday.
00:09:25.000 Yeah. What's Luke's usual bedtime?
00:09:28.000 5pm? 5pm, correct.
00:09:30.000 5pm, because he's a little sleepyhead.
00:09:31.000 Well, these is an amazing American potion that I've discovered.
00:09:36.000 I've had four already. What do you mean?
00:09:38.000 So if I drink my fifth one, then I'll be up for 25 hours.
00:09:42.000 5 hour energy. That doesn't make sense.
00:09:43.000 So now, you can't sleep until 10.
00:09:47.000 5 hour energy. Yeah.
00:09:48.000 That makes you Luke doesn't go to sleep. Is that how it works?
00:09:52.000 It's science, Luke.
00:09:54.000 America is leading the world in scientific innovation.
00:09:57.000 I don't think we actually do.
00:09:59.000 Got the COVID-19 jab.
00:10:01.000 Now this. It's all good.
00:10:04.000 Wait, so it's nasty as well?
00:10:06.000 It's horrible. Delicious.
00:10:10.000 It's not delicious. I saw it on your face.
00:10:13.000 It was so tasty. Drink your thing.
00:10:16.000 Wash it down with some booze. Yeah.
00:10:19.000 Sorry, let me help you. So you gave me something horrible to go with my horrible booze.
00:10:25.000 Get the booze in, yeah. It will energize the booze.
00:10:28.000 Will it? Yeah. Booze times two, booze squared.
00:10:31.000 That's right. It's a good system.
00:10:34.000 It's literally like cough medicine.
00:10:35.000 Nice, nice. Five hour energy.
00:10:40.000 Alright, so at least this will keep me awake until 10, yeah?
00:10:43.000 Yeah, I'll get you another one later. And you're awake till three.
00:10:46.000 Never sleeping again. Just keep every five hours.
00:10:49.000 So why does everyone do this?
00:10:50.000 Keep pumping it up. I don't know.
00:10:51.000 Never sleeping again.
00:10:53.000 I've discovered it. So wait.
00:10:56.000 So we finally cracked the fucking code.
00:10:58.000 Yeah. We've just doubled our lifespan effectively.
00:11:00.000 We already cracked the code to never sleep.
00:11:01.000 We're just trying to help you out now.
00:11:03.000 So this is a cheat code.
00:11:04.000 Yeah. All right.
00:11:08.000 Good day, good day.
00:11:10.000 How you going?
00:11:12.000 What do you know?
00:11:14.000 Well, strike a light.
00:11:15.000 Good day, good day.
00:11:17.000 And how you going?
00:11:20.000 Just say good day, good day, good day, and you'll be right.
00:11:27.000 Okay, so we get in the car.
00:11:28.000 Justin and Sterling, pick us up.
00:11:31.000 Well, nice road beers.
00:11:32.000 Isn't this illegal in the United States?
00:11:33.000 No, it's not. Well, open a container of alcohol.
00:11:36.000 Illegal if you're a pussy.
00:11:39.000 That's not how laws work.
00:11:40.000 Oh, sick nasty! What are we doing?
00:11:44.000 How you going? What is this?
00:11:46.000 No. You'll strike a lot.
00:11:52.000 How you going?
00:11:53.000 You say g'day, g'day, g'day, and you'll be right.
00:11:57.000 Isn't it right?
00:11:59.000 To have a birthday!
00:12:01.000 Taking a walk along the street.
00:12:05.000 Woo! Woo!
00:12:10.000 I love tequila.
00:12:14.000 No, no. Actually, why is booze a gift?
00:12:17.000 Well, I actually don't get that idea.
00:12:18.000 These guys know the management here, so they sent us some free shots of tequila.
00:12:23.000 I, even though it's my birthday, I'm not drinking tequila before I'm supposed to eat.
00:12:26.000 I'm going to feel sick if I drink that tequila and I eat food on top and I feel like shit all day.
00:12:30.000 I would say... It smells bad as well.
00:12:34.000 You can literally smell it. That's the thing.
00:12:36.000 I couldn't hear you over the sound of me drinking.
00:12:39.000 And actually, you can smell it super badly.
00:12:42.000 Trust me, do you want mine? No.
00:12:44.000 You want yours. I don't.
00:12:45.000 I don't. I super don't.
00:12:47.000 I want yours. I super hate booze.
00:12:48.000 Buy you. I figured it out.
00:12:50.000 I super, super hate booze.
00:12:51.000 I don't even understand how it's a gift.
00:12:52.000 Can you hear him crying too?
00:12:54.000 Just give him a few minutes.
00:12:55.000 A little smallest violin that's playing.
00:13:00.000 Booze is a gift because it gives you the gift.
00:13:03.000 What's the gift? The gift it gives you is numbness.
00:13:07.000 I don't want numbness. It numbs you from other people's bullshit.
00:13:10.000 I don't want that. Like people being a pussy.
00:13:12.000 You can hate yourself in silence.
00:13:16.000 We love ourselves.
00:13:18.000 Free booze. You guys are right.
00:13:36.000 What can I do?
00:13:38.000 What can I say? You're right. And my hand's itching.
00:13:43.000 I'm going to grab it and shoot it right now.
00:13:45.000 My hand's itching. The proof's on point.
00:13:47.000 And I'm going to feel sick all day.
00:13:48.000 I'm going to eat the food on top.
00:13:50.000 It's horrible. Tequila's the one alcohol I can't drink.
00:13:52.000 I fucking hate it. And here I am.
00:13:53.000 Look, I'm a fucking dickhead. Look at me.
00:13:55.000 Peer pressure. Why the fuck are I around with you?
00:13:58.000 I hate you. You're the worst people in the world.
00:14:00.000 I literally hate all of you. I want you to know that I hope my next birthday I see none of you.
00:14:04.000 I hope it's the last birthday I see any of you fucks ever again.
00:14:06.000 I hate all of you. Lies.
00:14:08.000 Fucking digs. Well, speaking of peer pressure, that's four out of five.
00:14:11.000 That's four out of five, Luke. Oh, yeah.
00:14:13.000 What's that, Luke? Give me the camera. Yeah, Luke.
00:14:15.000 Sorry. Turn it over, bro. I was the last bastard.
00:14:18.000 I know. I tried to save you.
00:14:20.000 He was holding the line for you, Luke.
00:14:22.000 He was praying you were going to...
00:14:23.000 The line is broken. I'm actually...
00:14:24.000 The enemy are at the gates. My body actually hates me.
00:14:27.000 So... My body literally hates me.
00:14:29.000 What do you want? Therapy? You're going to keep crying?
00:14:31.000 Keep talking? Call that a body?
00:14:33.000 What body? Here's the gym.
00:14:35.000 Okay. And Andrew's birthday.
00:14:48.000 Luke? Welcome to the real world.
00:14:53.000 Let's go, Luke. Booze is pure poison.
00:14:57.000 Welcome to the real world, Luke. Welcome to the real world, Luke.
00:14:59.000 Welcome to the big school. I don't want to be part of the friendship circle.
00:15:08.000 I don't want to be part of the friendship circle.
00:15:10.000 I don't like any of you.
00:15:14.000 Everyone's jealous of the friendship circle.
00:15:16.000 Everyone's jealous. We have the power of friendship.
00:15:18.000 We're shooting lasers out of our hearts.
00:15:20.000 The magical power. Yeah, I don't need any of that.
00:15:21.000 I don't care. I don't know why I'm here.
00:15:24.000 I'm here because it's my cousin's birthday.
00:15:25.000 I don't even really like him.
00:15:26.000 Who's cousin? Is he your cousin?
00:15:28.000 No, my cousin. I'm my fucking cousin.
00:15:29.000 Who's birthday? I'm leaving.
00:15:31.000 I'm not a cousin of mine. That's an idiot.
00:15:33.000 We're not leaving. We're super drunk.
00:15:36.000 We're doing all the dumb shit that's not planned.
00:15:37.000 That's what it is. We're doing it all drunk.
00:15:39.000 There's dumb shit planned.
00:15:41.000 Of course there's dumb shit planned. No, no, no.
00:15:42.000 We planned it. Of course there's dumb shit planned.
00:15:44.000 It was a ladies brunch and now we're finished.
00:15:47.000 Yeah, on a Wednesday. Now it's drum circles in sleep.
00:15:50.000 Yeah. End of the day.
00:15:52.000 Cut the episode. Jet ski hose.
00:15:58.000 Remember me on the ferry. Don't check.
00:16:01.000 Wow. You think I can't get a hose on her jet ski?
00:16:03.000 She doesn't know me. I'm from the streets, bro.