Tate Speech - May 25, 2023


THE Chair | Tate Confidential Ep 177


Episode Stats

Length

16 minutes

Words per Minute

139.58333

Word Count

2,345

Sentence Count

254

Misogynist Sentences

7

Hate Speech Sentences

7


Summary

Tristan is under house arrest for a crime that never happened, but he still wants to sit on a chair and imagine what life would be like if he could. Will he be able to do that or will he be stuck in his house for the rest of his life? Find out in this episode of the podcast. If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts! It helps spread the word about the podcast and keep us in touch with other podcasting families and friends! Thanks for listening and Happy New Year, Dad! XOXO, Elyssa Milano xoxo - & - . and is a production of Native Creative Podcasts in partnership with Native Creative Productions. Produced in Los Angeles, CA and produced in Tucson, AZ and New York City, NY. Thank you so much for being a part of this podcast and supporting this podcast. Please remember to rate, review, and subscribe, share, and tell a friend about it if you think it's cool and/or if you like it. I'll be looking out for you on Anchor.fm/NativeCreativePodcasts. Thanks again for being kind and supporting the podcast! -Elyssa and I hope you enjoy this podcast, Dad. Xoxo, Xxo <333 - xo - Elyss And thanks for listening to the podcast, Elicia and I love you. - Elicio P.S. - - P.M. & P.A. ~ - XOXOXO - XO Love ya, EJ ( ) :) - , EJ, P.E. ( ) - EJ & EJ and P. M. ( , P. (P. ) - SONA ( ) ( ) & PJ ( ( ) - EJ ( ) . ( ). AND P.O. (PJ & J) (S. (A. ( ), P. B. , ) ( , J) ( ) and PYOR ( )( ) ( ), and PV ( ) Thank you for being an awesome podcast ( ) AND PYO ( )


Transcript

00:00:00.000 **Music**
00:00:16.000 Music
00:00:41.000 So, 30 more days of house arrest.
00:00:58.000 Thank you.
00:01:00.000 Not for a crime we didn't commit, for a crime that didn't even fucking happen.
00:01:03.000 A crime that never took place.
00:01:04.000 We're not arrested because we're the wrong people for the crime.
00:01:08.000 We're arrested for an imaginary crime that never happened.
00:01:10.000 Yeah, an imaginary crime.
00:01:12.000 There is no crime. So what I've done is I bought 500 steaks, 1,000 cigars, full-time masseuses, full-time sushi guys, a chef to cook the steaks.
00:01:29.000 What else do we need to turn our mansion into the ultimate prison Pablo Escobar style?
00:01:34.000 When I'm enjoying my dinner of a cigar and a steak.
00:01:37.000 Chesky. Chesky in the pool.
00:01:39.000 Nice. We have our baguettes outside.
00:01:42.000 Admit it or pay the price.
00:01:44.000 What's the price? Straight.
00:01:47.000 Perfect. Cruising around the garden.
00:01:49.000 Alright, jet skiing the pool. Anything else we need to do?
00:01:52.000 Lots of hot sauce, obviously, because I'm not your fucking cousin.
00:01:55.000 Where the fuck is your cousin?
00:01:57.000 I don't have a cousin. Still scared.
00:01:59.000 Going to jail! Fucking dork.
00:02:03.000 Just go to jail for. I won't have your cousin talking shit about jail around me.
00:02:06.000 I like jail. I'm going to keep the beard until house arrest ends.
00:02:13.000 I'm going to shave it off. I'm going to conquer the world.
00:02:15.000 Oh wait, I already have. I've never been on Twitter ever without me trending.
00:02:20.000 Ever. I'm basically the coolest and most popular and most relevant man on the planet.
00:02:27.000 And you're under arrest. I'm under arrest where crime didn't even happen.
00:02:31.000 And I got full-time suicide.
00:02:32.000 I'm just kidding.
00:02:42.000 Whenever the imminence.
00:03:00.000 Second month of house arrest.
00:03:17.000 Still in jail. You know?
00:03:22.000 Isn't it funny? When things are taken away from you, you want them.
00:03:27.000 You don't know what you got till it's gone.
00:03:29.000 You know? I'm in the house with my jacuzzi and millions of dollars in my mansion and Endless women coming over to massage my back and training hard.
00:03:40.000 But there's things I can't do.
00:03:41.000 Like I can't go outside. And you think, well, if I could go outside, there's so much I would do.
00:03:45.000 But would you? What do you mean?
00:03:49.000 Would you actually go outside or would you be sitting in your house knowing that you could?
00:03:55.000 I think life would be perfect if I could just gaze down on the earth below from that chair.
00:04:03.000 No, that's not true.
00:04:05.000 Now that I can't go on that chair, there's nothing I want more.
00:04:07.000 I'd give up all of our wealth, all of our hundreds of millions of dollars.
00:04:11.000 Guys, he doesn't mean it. For an hour's sit on that chair.
00:04:16.000 Alright, I'm just going to pan and people can guess what chair.
00:04:20.000 That's it. That's all people get.
00:04:22.000 They can guess which chair he wants to sit in.
00:04:24.000 Tristan, there's nothing I want more than to leave these gates, which I'm not allowed to do.
00:04:29.000 I'd give up all our money.
00:04:31.000 I'd give my right hand You wouldn't.
00:04:33.000 To sit and gaze down on the earth below from that chair.
00:04:37.000 Imagine how good life would be from that chair.
00:04:40.000 You've made that up. I have no desire to be in that chair.
00:04:43.000 You must want to sit on that chair. And neither do you.
00:04:46.000 What? The chair. So now I'm thinking of a grand scheme.
00:04:58.000 To sneak out at night and sit on that chair.
00:05:00.000 Or get a grappling hook and, like, get the chair over.
00:05:03.000 Chair won't be in the right place, but at least I'll have the chair.
00:05:07.000 Something needs to be done.
00:05:09.000 Or do I get a bunch of drones and they fly over and they, like, land and, like, pick up the chair?
00:05:13.000 I'm gonna stop talking to you. Tristan, this is important.
00:05:16.000 I want house arrest. I want everyone to know that this is why house arrest is intolerable.
00:05:20.000 Because of him. What do you mean?
00:05:22.000 I don't like house arrest.
00:05:23.000 You love house arrest. Take me back to jail.
00:05:25.000 You get to be with me, your friend. That's not true.
00:05:30.000 Never touch a word, left with magic, that's automatic.
00:05:32.000 After you have it, like it, every one stop it.
00:05:37.000 Dad! Wake up and get down.
00:05:40.000 End of dark, everything arise up.
00:05:42.000 Why are you standing outside?
00:06:01.000 It's cold. Just enjoying a cup of coffee in the morning, thinking of all the things I'm going to do when I'm finally free from my house imprisonment.
00:06:11.000 You know, we've been living wrong, you and I. We haven't.
00:06:15.000 Life's amazing. We've been flying around on private jets.
00:06:18.000 We've been going to the most exclusive places in the world.
00:06:20.000 We've been driving Bugattis through Dubai.
00:06:22.000 We've been flying our Bugatti around the world.
00:06:24.000 We've been doing all this crazy stuff.
00:06:25.000 But really, we've been missing out on the simple things.
00:06:28.000 You don't know what you've got until it's gone.
00:06:29.000 And now they've taken it away from me.
00:06:31.000 I realize that all of this time, I would have been far happier if I was sitting on that chair.
00:06:39.000 That's not true. It is true.
00:06:41.000 I don't know what... For years...
00:06:43.000 We've been in this house perfectly capable of going over there and sitting on that chair.
00:06:47.000 All we have to do is deal with the person whose chair it is.
00:06:50.000 Why are you in my house?
00:06:51.000 Why are you on the chair?
00:06:52.000 We can fix that. Instead, we were running around the world trying to find contentment in our hearts.
00:06:58.000 But that's where contentment lies.
00:07:01.000 Now they've taken it away from me.
00:07:02.000 Now I'm not allowed to leave this gate.
00:07:04.000 I understand how perfect life can be on that chair.
00:07:07.000 You need to fucking accept that once house arrest is over, we're sitting on that chair.
00:07:13.000 No, I'm going inside. There's a chair and there's a little canister.
00:07:16.000 You can sit on the canister. I'm going inside.
00:07:18.000 Tristan. I'm tired of you. No, you need to sit out here with me and dream a dream.
00:07:21.000 No, I don't. Dream a dream.
00:07:23.000 I'm sick of you.
00:07:24.000 You can go there.
00:07:25.000 OK.
00:07:35.000 So I thought I'll do something I've never done before.
00:07:38.000 I would use my core of a million dollar television.
00:07:42.000 Look at it. You know when the camera records the other screen and flickers and stuff?
00:07:49.000 I don't know if it's going to do that.
00:07:50.000 But for all the people at home, the Brokeys, that's a badass TV. And I don't watch TV. Ever.
00:07:56.000 But I'm on house arrest.
00:07:58.000 I came out of jail. They attempted to destroy me, but I'm still a trillionaire.
00:08:02.000 So I thought, you know what?
00:08:03.000 I might as well use this house arrest to rest and relax.
00:08:08.000 To gather my chi for the Aikido of the future.
00:08:13.000 So I thought, tonight, Let's watch a movie with my brother.
00:08:18.000 I've thought it a few times. We've watched some amazing movies.
00:08:21.000 But tonight I wasn't sure what movie to watch, so I thought, let's go to the Apple TV and let's see the number one top movies charts.
00:08:29.000 Because I thought that Hollywood was dead.
00:08:31.000 I had this impression that nobody gave a shit anymore about Hollywood, and they just came up with terrible ideas and rehashed a bunch of garbage.
00:08:39.000 But I was wrong. Because if you go to the top movies charts, we have Avatar, the way of war, pretending to be someone else in someone else's body, like, that's the internet all over now, isn't it?
00:08:53.000 All these fucking dorks.
00:08:55.000 But that doesn't offend me.
00:08:57.000 What actually upset me, genuinely, deep in my heart, because I have so little faith left for humanity, please understand, I have so little left, and it's the tiny straws that break the camel's back, the little nails in the coffin.
00:09:11.000 The second most watched movie is Ant-Man.
00:09:21.000 Who the fuck is Ant-Man?
00:09:27.000 Hi, I'm Scott.
00:09:29.000 I've already discussed Spider-Man at length.
00:09:32.000 All superhero movies are stupid and it's all bullshit, but the worst of them all is Spider-Man.
00:09:36.000 Spider-Man is a bitch.
00:09:40.000 If you like Spider-Man, you need to seriously reassess your life.
00:09:43.000 Who's that bitch? Mary Jane, Parker, some shit?
00:09:47.000 You're Spider-Man.
00:09:49.000 And she still won't have sex with you.
00:09:51.000 It's not working. You and me.
00:09:54.000 What? What's weaker and shitter than a spider?
00:10:24.000 Hiya, champ. How was school today?
00:10:26.000 And his backup, his number two, is called The Wasp.
00:10:31.000 This can't be real!
00:10:33.000 This can't be a movie!
00:10:35.000 Why is it number two?
00:10:37.000 Who is watching this?
00:10:39.000 Ant-Man. I've never seen Ant-Man.
00:10:42.000 Let me guess the plot. A man with some characteristics of an ant and his sidekick, The Wasp.
00:10:49.000 Ant-Man and The Wasp teaming up.
00:10:51.000 Follow my lead. Who can fly?
00:10:55.000 End up in a battle against...
00:10:57.000 The Spray?
00:10:59.000 And they win. I don't even need to watch that movie to know it's shit!
00:11:04.000 And the worst thing is...
00:11:06.000 It's number two.
00:11:08.000 People are paying for this with money.
00:11:11.000 They're paying for this voluntarily.
00:11:12.000 Watching this. With their own time.
00:11:16.000 And they go, I'm still a broke, you stuck with the Matrix.
00:11:19.000 I just enjoyed the Ant-Man.
00:11:20.000 Ant-Man is fucking attacking your mind!
00:11:24.000 Don't you understand?
00:11:25.000 This is beyond how trash Ant-Man is.
00:11:29.000 This is a larger psy-op on your human psyche.
00:11:34.000 In the 1980s, you grew up and you wanted to be Steven Seagal.
00:11:38.000 You wanted to walk into the bar and say, hey, don't talk to that girl.
00:11:42.000 You're a hero. I cheat them!
00:11:48.000 And destroy all the men in the bar.
00:11:50.000 That's fine. But now these kids are growing up and they want to do both.
00:11:55.000 Ants? There would be ants?
00:11:56.000 Like your cousin, Luke?
00:12:00.000 That's it? That's everyone's fucking aspiration?
00:12:04.000 Ant-Man? Steven Seagal doesn't play fucking Ant-Man.
00:12:08.000 Where's the action heroes? Who the fuck plays Ant-Man?
00:12:11.000 I am pissed. Who plays Ant-Man?
00:12:14.000 Any idea? No.
00:12:16.000 Ant-Man actor.
00:12:20.000 Paul Ruff.
00:12:22.000 Who the fuck is that?
00:12:25.000 Describe Paul Rudd to me.
00:12:27.000 I think he's the guy who played Brian Fantana in Anchorman.
00:12:33.000 Listen, he's pretending to be an ant, so he's clearly desperate for work.
00:12:38.000 If I was an actor and the king of mine said, Andrew, do you want to pretend to be an ant?
00:12:41.000 I'd say, get fucked.
00:12:42.000 No. Spider-Man is already the worst superhero.
00:12:46.000 I've already discussed this at length. And now we have Ant-Man and the Wasp.
00:12:49.000 And it's not just about the fact that they're making shit movies.
00:12:52.000 It's the fact that Hollywood sit down with the number one propaganda system on Earth.
00:12:56.000 They're designed to enslave you.
00:12:58.000 They're trying to attack your psyche.
00:12:59.000 They sit around this table and they say, The young boys, all the kids are going to watch the next action movie.
00:13:04.000 We need to instill them with all of our propaganda and make them as weak and lame as possible because we don't want anyone to grow up like Andrew Tate.
00:13:10.000 That's why we don't talk about Andrew Tate in school.
00:13:12.000 That's why we delete Andrew Tate from the internet.
00:13:14.000 You're not allowed to be a G. You have to be a fucking nerd to control your mind.
00:13:18.000 So let's create a fucking action movie that all the kids are going to watch are going to grow up like Andrew Tate in school.
00:13:21.000 That's why we delete Andrew Tate from the internet. You're not allowed to be a G. You have to be a fucking nerd to control your mind. So let's create a fucking action movie that all the kids are going to watch are going to grow up like Andrew Tate in school.
00:13:23.000 That's why we delete Andrew Tate from the internet. You're not allowed to be a G. You have to be a fucking nerd to control your mind. So let's create a Ants in a colony!
00:13:26.000 Slaves inside the colony walking in a fucking line with no individual sovereign capability.
00:13:32.000 By themselves do nothing.
00:13:33.000 But if they're part of the machine, if they're part of the matrix, if the ants stay part of the matrix, they might be able to live somewhere underground in the fucking dirt.
00:13:41.000 Live in barrel like your fucking cousin.
00:13:43.000 It's bullshit! Emergency meeting.
00:14:10.000 It's an emergency. I've made a very important life decision.
00:14:16.000 At this stage, I'm on trajectory.
00:14:19.000 I feel like we need to take things to the next level.
00:14:23.000 And I've decided that today, you and me, as brothers, are gonna sit down and do what we should've done all this time.
00:14:39.000 We are going to watch anime.
00:14:43.000 Not Ant-Man and the Wasp.
00:14:45.000 The first Ant-Man.
00:14:48.000 Then Ant-Man and the Wasp.
00:14:49.000 We're not watching Ant-Man. I draw the line at Ant-Man.
00:14:52.000 That my life would be exponentially better if I analyze every aspect of how I live.
00:14:59.000 The one thing that's missing is that I have yet to see Ant-Man.
00:15:04.000 We're not watching Ant-Man. I may be on house arrest in the next 10,000 years and I will never watch Ant-Man.
00:15:09.000 I will never watch Ant-Man.
00:15:15.000 I'm going to use your debit cards to pay to rent Ant-Man every day!
00:15:20.000 Not buy it! Rent it on Apple TV every single day, $3.99, until you sit down and watch it.
00:15:27.000 And the money will be deducted from your account daily until you finally see the truth.
00:15:32.000 That's fine, I can afford that.
00:15:33.000 No, you can't. Yes, I can.
00:15:35.000 But the humiliation, how it makes you feel inside, you can't afford.
00:15:38.000 When Paul Rudd has made thousands of dollars from me constantly renting Ant-Man.
00:15:47.000 It's the next stage in our evolution.
00:15:50.000 Tristan, I'm really concerned about your white supremacy.
00:15:53.000 And I'm traumatized.
00:15:55.000 I also think you're transphobic.
00:15:58.000 I don't want to be on house arrest with a person who is white supremacist and transphobic.
00:16:03.000 What are your pronouns?
00:16:07.000 If you're going to make me watch Ant-Man, you're going to refer to me as my pronouns the entire time.
00:16:13.000 Ant-Man. Hand and man are my pronouns.
00:16:22.000 What are your pronouns? You're a white supremacist.
00:16:28.000 Can you admit you're a white supremacist?
00:16:31.000 This is the face of white supremacy.
00:16:33.000 Face of transphobia.
00:16:45.000 Open your mind, you're so nice.