Tate Speech - The Roadtrip to China | Tate Confidential Ep 222

Tristan and Andrew are stuck in their house with no electricity, no running water, and no money. They decide to take a road trip to a communist hellhole called Bacow, but how will they get there? Will they make it there? And what will they do with all the money they don't have? Will it be enough to pay for a car? And will they even make it back by the end of the trip? Find out what they decide to do with their money and find out if they can make it to the other side of the Romanian communist nightmare that is Bacow. Also, find out why they decided to go on the road trip at all and why they are taking a car with no money, no petrol, no insurance and no spare change and no idea where they are going to get their shit together. Enjoy the episode and don t forget to subscribe on your favourite streaming platform so you don't miss the next episode. and don't forget to SUBSCRIBE on Apple Podcasts and leave us a rating and a review! Thank you so much for listening, we really appreciate it. Love ya, bye. xoxo - P.S. Sorry about the audio in this episode, it's a little choppy, sorry about the background noise in the intro and outro, we had to edit it a little bit. We had to work on this one. We re still figuring out how to work out the kinks in the editing. - we re working on this episode. We ll get a new equipment so it s a little better in the next one, but we ll get it better next week, we ll figure it out. XOXO xo - Andrew and Andrew - - Ben - EJ - Chris - Paul - Gav - Jake - Joe - Adam - Nick - Evan Love you, P. & Eans - John - Jack - James - AJ - Kevin - Daniel - Matthew - Dan - Mike - Chacho - Alex - Peter - Brad - Josh - David - George - Mark - Ian Evan - Will Andrew Chris Jake Ben Adam James Brad Joe Michael John Matthew Jack Daniel

00:00:00.000 Outro Tristan's asleep.

00:00:13.000 So if we all leave now, he wakes up to a completely empty house.

00:00:20.000 I feel like that would make him happy.

00:00:22.000 He would feel like he won. Not only empty house, but no electricity.

00:00:26.000 This is no electricity, yeah. No water.

00:00:28.000 There is electricity. The lights are literally on, but only half of them work in the house.

00:00:31.000 The other half don't work. Why, babe?

00:00:33.000 Why is that? How is that real?

00:00:35.000 Because we're in Romania. That's why.

00:00:37.000 It's called Romania. Put you in jail without reason. 1.00

00:00:39.000 We have power cuts in jail.

00:00:41.000 You know what my number one fear in jail was?

00:00:43.000 Fire. Because there was electricity wires all hanging out the ceilings, buzzing.

00:00:49.000 And I was like, if this sets on fire, how the fuck do we get out? 0.76

00:00:53.000 True. You just roast? 0.98

00:00:54.000 True. Gay. 1.00

00:00:57.000 And then, Romania has loads of hospital fires, don't they? 0.99

00:01:00.000 All the time. Yeah. All the hospitals burn down.

00:01:04.000 Bro, like last month, a hospital fire and all the old people, how many, like 30 people burnt to death? 1.00

00:01:09.000 Because they're all like on anesthetic and shit. 0.98

00:01:10.000 Well, it's a regular thing. It's like two a year both offloads burn out. 1.00

00:01:14.000 That's crazy. Yeah Nice so anyway, there's no power in the house, but you have

00:01:39.000 a Lamborghini you have a Ferrari and I have two Aston Martins and a Ferrari all outside 0.99

00:01:44.000 And then I end up as a righty and I say we get in them and we fuck off 0.99

00:01:48.000 And I say we go to the height of Romanian beauty, Bacow. 1.00

00:01:53.000 Bacow is an actual shithole. 1.00

00:01:55.000 It's a communist dump. 0.99

00:01:57.000 It's not in Transylvania, it's not in the mountains, it's not old, it's not Anglo-Saxon, nothing. 0.58

00:02:02.000 It's on a flat plain, they built a communist hellscape. 0.95

00:02:06.000 It's literally five hours away, a straight shot, middle of nowhere, shithole. 0.89

00:02:11.000 Yeah, we have a friend there. Nigel's there, and he's gonna come right back, so we're literally gonna pass him on the way going.

00:02:22.000 What I think is that we should go Bacow.

00:02:25.000 Why? Support our friend.

00:02:28.000 If you support your friend, you must support me also.

00:02:32.000 And we go around.

00:02:34.000 But why Bacow?

00:02:35.000 Why Bacow? That's my question.

00:02:38.000 But we can all agree that there's nothing in Bacow.

00:02:44.000 It's the journey, not the destination.

00:02:46.000 Exactly! It's not the destination.

00:02:51.000 We'll go to Macau, then we'll wake up there, then we'll go to Cluj, then we'll wake up there, then we'll go to Aradia, then we'll wake up there, and then we'll drive nine and a half hours all the way home.

00:03:01.000 Wait, so are we going on a three day road trip and not telling Tristan?

00:03:05.000 Exactly. Let's go.

00:03:10.000 Nothing. We're going to be gone for days.

00:03:12.000 It doesn't matter. We buy stuff there.

00:03:14.000 We pack nothing. We just go.

00:03:18.000 I'm ready.

00:03:20.000 I was in my stomach. Baby, I'm in my stomach.

00:03:22.000 I'm on the treadmill. I just threw on shit to go on the treadmill and now we're going to have a couch. 0.99

00:03:25.000 Andrew said we're going to leave in eight minutes. 0.99

00:03:28.000 Eight minutes. Ready, set, go.

00:03:31.000 So, we're going to drive on the most dangerous road in Romania.

00:03:34.000 And you can see how many cops there are. Look, cops, cops, cops, cops, cops, cops, cops crash along this road.

00:03:40.000 Nine police, two accidents and four hazards.

00:03:47.000 Why are we doing this?

00:03:48.000 And when people say the most dangerous road, I know you're thinking, ah, it's going to be crazy, windy roads like the Transfiguration.

00:03:53.000 No. It's not the fun kind of dangerous.

00:03:56.000 It's a highway with no middle barrier.

00:04:00.000 Head-on traffic with Romanian drivers trying to overtake each other. 1.00

00:04:04.000 There's nothing fun about it.

00:04:05.000 It's just hell. It's literally a straight shot to hell.

00:04:09.000 Straight shot to hell. Dacia, Dacia, Dacia, Dacia, Dacia. 0.88

00:04:22.000 Lamborghini Asta Martin trying to get cleaned, but we can't because we're in Romania and everything's full of Dacias. 1.00

00:04:28.000 We need a Dacia. No we don't.

00:04:31.000 We are broke now. We don't have money for a car wash.

00:04:34.000 So we come here because it's cheaper.

00:04:38.000 You can only do what? I can only pay you the 10 legs. 1.00

00:04:43.000 How much does a car wash cost? 0.99

00:04:45.000 Looks like it's too cheap for the amount of money.

00:04:48.000 And I think I forgot my wallet.

00:04:50.000 I got cash. My wallet is my driving license.

00:04:54.000 So we have to go back.

00:04:55.000 We have to go back, Paul? That would make me a dickhead, wouldn't it? 0.97

00:05:00.000 Captain Dickhead. Car wash it! 1.00

00:05:05.000 That's a car wash! 1.00

00:05:07.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

00:05:09.000 That's a car wash it! 1.00

00:05:12.000 Right, Bailey. Try to wash the car. 1.00

00:05:15.000 Too rich, buddy. Shit. 1.00

00:05:21.000 I'm a man of the people. 0.99

00:05:24.000 I'm just an ordinary man, cleaning his Aston Martin DBS 770 limited edition in dark chrome with red carbon.

00:05:33.000 I'm just a normal guy.

00:05:36.000 You know? Some things just become a billionaire, but I'm not just like you.

00:05:44.000 Cleaning one of my 59 supercars!

00:05:48.000 This reminds me of something.

00:05:51.000 Yeah, guys, don't think this because I'm a billionaire.

00:05:54.000 I'm not just like you.

00:05:57.000 Cleaning one of my 59 supercars.

00:06:01.000 We'll duck in the sand.

00:06:03.000 Oh, my God.

00:06:32.000 What's happening?

00:06:34.000 So, you've run out of coins?

00:06:36.000 Correct. Alright, admit it.

00:06:38.000 Admit it. I'm broke.

00:06:40.000 You're broke! You ran out of coins!

00:06:43.000 I ran out of coins so I can't afford to fix the car.

00:06:46.000 You can't afford to wash your car because you've run out of coins.

00:06:50.000 That's right, so my car is half washed.

00:06:53.000 You're broke. I'm a brokey. I don't have the 10 cent coins for the Romanian car wash to clean my $700,000 car. I am

00:07:01.000 broke.

00:07:02.000 You and anything will still get you off of my mind.

00:07:08.000 When the morning comes, I'll grab a bag and we'll start it again.

00:07:14.000 I'd rather forget you than just a waste of time.

00:07:19.000 Baby, come back to me. Any kind of woman could see. 1.00

00:07:26.000 There was something in everything about you.

00:07:32.000 Baby, come back.

00:07:35.000 You can blame it all on me. I was wrong and I just can't be without you.

00:07:44.000 I'm going to send this to all my exes today.

00:07:46.000 Every single one.

00:07:50.000 No, I don't mean it!

00:07:55.000 I'll do it too. Rile them up! 0.97

00:08:01.000 But as the sun goes down We get that empty feeling again How I wish to God Well, our road trip might be ruined because we have a new pace car.

00:08:31.000 We have the police.

00:08:33.000 So, I think we're not going to make it to Bacow in good times like we originally planned.

00:08:39.000 It must be annoying to be a police officer because everyone around you drives at the speed limit all the time.

00:08:43.000 So, you have to drive at the speed limit and everyone behind you drives at the speed limit. 1.00

00:08:47.000 I mean, what kind of fucking madman? 0.99

00:08:51.000 Would be on bail for human trafficking and then just overtake the cops in his Aston Martin DBS Superleggera? 1.00

00:09:00.000 It would have to be a really, really, really madman.

00:09:02.000 What kind of psychopath would do that and then think that if he gets pulled over, he can talk his way out of it? 0.75

00:09:09.000 Definitely not us. No way.

00:09:11.000 No way. Because that would make no sense at all.

00:09:14.000 Especially with all the kind of legal trouble this madman would have hanging over his life.

00:09:18.000 You'd think he'd just want a quiet, peaceful life.

00:09:20.000 And just drive it to speed limit, listen to some songs. 1.00

00:09:22.000 He'd have to be a complete idiot to overtake the car. 1.00

00:09:25.000 Get away! You're mate, you're mate, you're mate, you're mate, you're mate! 1.00

00:09:51.000 Woo! Yeehaw! Let's crash into a truck! 1.00

00:09:58.000 My name's Andrew and I want to crash into a truck.

00:10:02.000 And I brought my friend Bailey to film me crashing into the truck.

00:10:07.000 I have to find protection. Bro, I'm deadly serious.

00:10:11.000 I have intended to kill myself for a long time. 0.58

00:10:14.000 I've decided to do it vehicularly. 1.00

00:10:16.000 I want to kill myself by crashing into a truck. 0.69

00:10:19.000 And I didn't want anyone to think that... 0.99

00:10:23.000 It was an accident. I wanted them to know that I did it on purpose.

00:10:26.000 So I needed it to be filmed by a competent cameraman.

00:10:28.000 And I thought it'd probably be easier just to convince you we were doing an episode of Takeoff Adventure and then convince you to film us crashing into a truck.

00:10:37.000 So I want you to know now.

00:10:39.000 That's why you're here. This is the most communist-looking place I've ever seen in my entire life.

00:10:45.000 Are you trying to tell me that this is some random communist hellscape which was simply dotted onto the map during the height of the Iron Curtain in which they built a bunch of existent pods for the slave people?

00:10:56.000 Is that what you're trying to say?

00:10:57.000 That this wonderful city, they just built a bunch of existence pods for the slave workers to live in and hide from the rain? 1.00

00:11:05.000 Is that what you're trying to say? That's exactly what I'm saying.

00:11:08.000 Oh, they have China pandas to shop.

00:11:12.000 You know what? I've got to give it to the Chinese. 1.00

00:11:14.000 They're fucking everywhere making money. 0.99

00:11:16.000 You've got to give it to them. Where the fuck are we? 1.00

00:11:19.000 And how did he get here from Beijing? 1.00

00:11:23.000 He's turned up to this fucking communist show. 0.99

00:11:25.000 In the middle of nowhere. I agree with you. 1.00

00:11:27.000 Communist dump. No one doesn't want to go to Romania, fine. 0.93

00:11:31.000 Doesn't want to go to Transylvania, where all the beautiful history is, where the beautiful mountains are.

00:11:34.000 Doesn't want to go to Bucharest, the capital, no.

00:11:36.000 He wants to go far to the east of Bucharest, in the communist flat, plain garbage part that they tried to build up there in Ceausescu, because there's nothing of actual value here. 0.93

00:11:47.000 I go there. I'll be trying to pen the shop.

00:11:55.000 Who is he using his Kung Fu on?

00:11:58.000 Him? That man's probably never left this town!

00:12:02.000 Why beat him up?

00:12:05.000 What's going on? 1.00

00:12:07.000 They're fucking everywhere. I think he knows something that we don't know. 1.00

00:12:10.000 Bro, he probably is the dark triad.

00:12:13.000 probably runs this whole place.

00:12:15.000 Spending twenties and tens and you wanna grow up to be just like them, huh!

00:12:18.000 Smugglers, scramblers, burglars, gamblers, pickpocket peddlers, even panhandlers.

00:12:23.000 You say, I'm cool, but I'm no fool, but then you wind up dropping out of high school. 0.81

00:12:27.000 Now you're unemployed, all non-void, walking around like your pretty boy Floyd.

00:12:32.000 Turned stick-up kid, but look what you done did. Got set up for an eight-year bid.

00:12:37.000 Now your manhood is took, and you're a maytag. Spend the next two years as an undercover fag. 1.00

00:12:41.000 Being used and abused, the same right now. Too and where you was found, hung dead in a cell. 0.99

00:12:46.000 It was plain to see that your life was lost. You was cold and your body swung back and forth.

00:12:50.000 But now your eyes sing the sad, sad song of how you lived so fast and died so young.

00:12:55.000 So don't push me, cause I'm close to the edge. I'm trying not to lose my head.

00:13:03.000 Ha ha ha ha.

00:13:05.000 Alright, so we made it to Bacow, but we're missing somebody.

00:13:08.000 The Aston's here, the Audi's here, the Ferrari's here.

00:13:11.000 The Lambo is missing.

00:13:13.000 Alex is missing.

00:13:16.000 Yeah. The police officer we overtook caught up and pulled his ass over. 0.99

00:13:21.000 Like an hour later? 0.99

00:13:23.000 An hour later. We meant to pull us both over.

00:13:25.000 I guess he thought we'd both stop.

00:13:27.000 But when Alex stopped, he pulled him behind Alex.

00:13:30.000 Technically, you didn't stop me, friend.

00:13:32.000 You stopped him. Bye, Alex.

00:13:36.000 Why are you scared to go to the other side of Romania?

00:13:38.000 I thought we were road men. I'm not scared.

00:13:42.000 Let's go. Let's go somewhere.

00:13:45.000 And they both look at me and say no.

00:13:47.000 Luke would sell his computer. 1.00

00:13:48.000 Tristan would fuck girls. They don't leave the house. 1.00

00:13:51.000 They're boring. And then Tristan says I'm boring because I don't drink.

00:13:56.000 And he's boring because he only drinks.

00:13:59.000 That's the thing. The chance of you getting Tristan to go anywhere tomorrow is zero.

00:14:03.000 Good luck. Go. Type words.

00:14:05.000 No, go try harder.

00:14:07.000 Come on. Believe.

00:14:10.000 He ain't going nowhere. So we have to forget him.

00:14:13.000 Lost cause. Dead soldier.

00:14:15.000 Leave him in no man's land.

00:14:17.000 We have to press forward to the destination.

00:14:19.000 The cops are the flag.

00:14:22.000 I agree. So let's go to Mishara.

00:14:24.000 Let's go to Cluj. Let's go to Mishara.

00:14:26.000 Shora, come back Sunday night.

00:14:28.000 Shora is nice.

00:14:30.000 Cluj tomorrow.

00:14:32.000 What about Mishra?

00:14:34.000 If we're going to Cluj, we might as well go to Shora.

00:14:38.000 Let's take it in baby steps.

00:14:45.000 Kluge tomorrow. We live it up, Friday night.

00:14:48.000 We're not going anywhere. We go buck wide.

00:14:50.000 Last time it was in Kluge, Tristan kicked the fuck out of someone from sitting on our car. 0.90

00:14:54.000 Did you ever see that video? Yeah. 0.94

00:14:56.000 That's what happened last time. Let's run it back.

00:14:59.000 Let's run it back. Last time it was just you and T. Now, it's you, T, Nigel, Alex, Alex, Rory.

00:15:07.000 Bro, if Rory's gonna die, someone's gonna die.

00:15:10.000 It's the next morning.

00:15:21.000 We're leaving in 10 minutes.

00:15:22.000 Thanks.

00:15:24.000 As per my usual plan.

00:15:26.000 We have two options. I was thinking last night.

00:15:29.000 I was dreaming about Stevie Shara and I came to the conclusion that we need to go back home or brush off and back home.

00:15:40.000 I vote brush off back home.

00:15:42.000 No, back home. I think the first option, back home directly.

00:15:45.000 Back home directly? No, absolutely not, Alex.

00:15:48.000 We set out for an adventure.

00:15:52.000 I think back home directly, Bailey.

00:15:54.000 Why is everybody churning on me the next morning?

00:15:56.000 Because I feel without Tristan, we need Tristan for a start to go anywhere.

00:16:02.000 Why? Tristan's never with us to begin with.

00:16:04.000 Tristan's good for the mix, bro.

00:16:06.000 He's good for the mix, I agree, but he's never with us.

00:16:07.000 Yeah, he mixes the humor, he mixes the whiskey up.

00:16:09.000 You know, things get a bit wild. Alex, what's your vote?

00:16:12.000 I'm voting for Brashoff.

00:16:13.000 You'll vote for Brashoff? Alright, so we have Brashoff, we have Home.

00:16:16.000 So far there's three in favour of Home, one in favour of Brashoff, Bailey.

00:16:19.000 Home. Home. What's the vote?

00:16:23.000 Final decision. You're Mr.

00:16:25.000 Brashoff. I am. I have to stream as well.

00:16:28.000 Sometimes in life, you need to make wise decisions, not hard decisions.

Tate Speech - March 21, 2024

The Roadtrip to China | Tate Confidential Ep 222

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