Tate Speech


THE SPICIEST FOOD IN THE WORLD | Tate Confidential Ep. 79


Summary

Tristan goes to a party in a pandemic and accidentally breaks all the COVID restrictions. Tristan and his friends are forced to go out in the cold to get some spicy food, but it's not spicy enough, so they try to make it even spicier. It doesn't go as planned, but they still manage to spice it up to the point where it's almost unbearable. Will they be able to survive the pandemic, or will they be crushed under the weight of their own bodies? Find out what happens when the Tate brothers try to spice things up for the first time, and whether or not it's enough to make them survive in a world where COVID is banned from being consumed. Also, find out if it's spicy enough for Tristan to eat chili sauce or not, because Tristan can't even make it to the bottom of the dishwasher. This episode is sponsored by KFC. To find a list of our sponsors and show-related promo codes, go to gimlet.fm/OurAdvertisers and enter the coupon code: CROWN10 at checkout. We'll be giving out $5 off your first purchase when you place an order of $10 or more. Thank you, and we'll give you a discount code at checkout! at checkout for 10% off your entire order. and a free shipping discount when you sign up! to receive the discount code: CHEERS! to help spread the word of love and support the word to the rest of the word and get free shipping everywhere else. You'll get 10% and get a freebie, plus free shipping, plus a discount, plus an extra freebie and free shipping throughout the world, and a discount on future orders, and an extra copy of the podcast. to make sure you're getting the best experience, and it'll get the most amazing service, and they'll know who knows what you're listening to the best of it all. you'll get it all that's the best version of the best podcast in the whole world gets the most of it. It's all that you'll be the best possible service and get the best service in the best review and the most personalized experience possible. CHEVERYONE gets it all the best deal possible, and gets the best chance to review it, they'll get all the most authentic experience in the world. ENJOYING IT!


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Good shot there, Kritten!
00:00:03.000 Good shot!
00:00:46.000 Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
00:00:49.000 Hey!
00:01:02.000 We went to the party and broke all the COVID restrictions.
00:01:05.000 No one was wearing masks. There's too many people in a small room.
00:01:07.000 And it put all over the news. Controversial Tate brothers are having a party in a pandemic.
00:01:11.000 And now everyone's messaging me.
00:01:12.000 Saying you're all over the news and they're threatening to fine you or arrest you.
00:01:17.000 Oh no, rules.
00:01:23.000 Oh no, rules. Listen, I don't follow blind rules.
00:01:25.000 These rules are not about safety.
00:01:27.000 It's 99.9% chance of survival, my friend.
00:01:30.000 You think these rules are about safety?
00:01:32.000 So I, in fact, Antenna Stars just called me and said, aren't you worried about COVID? And I said, I'm more worried about the Palenka.
00:01:38.000 I'm sorry. 99% chance of surviving COVID. To be fair, 50% chance of surviving Palenka.
00:01:46.000 But the Palenka definitely kills COVID. Definitely.
00:01:50.000 Listen, I would rather have COVID than drink a bottle of Palenka.
00:01:53.000 Yeah, but drinking a bottle of Plink will make me feel worse than COVID ever could.
00:01:56.000 So if the Romanians can drink Plink all the time, I don't know what they're so scared of COVID for.
00:01:59.000 I told them they have one hour.
00:02:01.000 Antenna stars and the news channels have one hour to put up a picture of me saying I'm actually a good man.
00:02:06.000 Otherwise, I'm going to teach them a lesson with a real party.
00:02:10.000 Oh, a real party? No, Tristan, a real party.
00:02:12.000 A real party? Yeah, open up the bank, spend it all.
00:02:15.000 A real party? A real party.
00:02:16.000 The bears will dance for us if you have enough money.
00:02:19.000 Lions will bow. The birds will flap their wings.
00:02:21.000 No. Why are we here?
00:02:26.000 Because this Female told me here they sell a food which is so spicy I couldn't eat it, which is a direct challenge.
00:02:34.000 So I have to waste my time and waste my life and get out of my nice warm house and go out in the cold and sit here in this stupid terrace, which is not heated and we can't close the door because of fucking COVID and eat some bullshit food, which I know is not going to be too spicy.
00:02:45.000 It's going to be fine. You've wasted everyone's time.
00:02:48.000 I've dragged my brother along and my cousin.
00:02:50.000 You've wasted three full grown men's time with your little spicy story.
00:02:55.000 You're not ready for this. So we're in some restaurant.
00:02:57.000 Supposedly it's going to be super spicy.
00:02:59.000 Supposedly. So she's backing out already.
00:03:02.000 Yeah, already backing out.
00:03:03.000 I thought this was the ultimate.
00:03:06.000 It is the ultimate that I have tasted, but my friend just recommended to me something even spicier.
00:03:11.000 You and your friend are lame.
00:03:14.000 So now it's all ready if it's not spicy.
00:03:16.000 Here we go. Oh my gosh.
00:03:19.000 Okay, we're gonna see.
00:03:21.000 We're gonna see. Just wait and see.
00:03:23.000 I'm actually super excited for this.
00:03:25.000 Thank you.
00:03:43.000 So, do you feel anything?
00:03:45.000 No. It's going good.
00:03:57.000 Does it spice you?
00:04:00.000 It's alright. I went for it to hit me.
00:04:05.000 It's not like Mexican food. It doesn't hit me yet.
00:04:06.000 I can see you've tried hard, because you've told them, make it as spicy as possible.
00:04:10.000 And I can see how much they've attempted to damage my superhuman taste buds.
00:04:16.000 I actually didn't tell them.
00:04:17.000 I just told them spicy. Let me finish the whole thing with that drop of water and go talk about how spicy it was.
00:04:26.000 Stay on pepper soup.
00:04:31.000 Why are they so slow? So look how finished this.
00:04:33.000 I finished mine. And this is yours.
00:04:35.000 Can I have some more?
00:04:37.000 Please take it. I'm so done.
00:04:41.000 The milk is the most disabled.
00:04:44.000 I'm saved by my iron fortitude and will.
00:04:47.000 Not that I need much of it.
00:04:52.000 Is it good? It's okay.
00:04:54.000 It's not bad. Thank you.
00:04:57.000 Perfect. Alright, spicy sauce.
00:04:59.000 Some chili sauce. Exactly what this needs.
00:05:02.000 Because you lied to me. Put it all.
00:05:03.000 All of it. So I had to ask for chili sauce to try and actually make it a little bit spicy.
00:05:10.000 Is there chili sauce spicy?
00:05:11.000 I don't know. I've never tried.
00:05:17.000 It's not bad.
00:05:19.000 If I was that and I'd take it as an insult, I would try and spice it as maximum possible if you ask me which way I'd say it after.
00:05:26.000 You wasted my time.
00:05:34.000 You underestimated your man.
00:05:36.000 Completely underestimated.
00:05:37.000 You underestimated your man.
00:05:39.000 What would you have eaten at home?
00:05:40.000 Why did you underestimate me? You should never underestimate me.
00:05:42.000 KFC hot wings, just as spicy.
00:05:44.000 You should have had it and it should have been spicy.
00:05:45.000 You should go, you know who would eat this with ease?
00:05:47.000 My man. Okay.
00:05:48.000 Because he's the fucking man.
00:05:50.000 Next time. You fucked up.
00:05:51.000 Next time I'm remembering something even spicier.
00:05:53.000 You have no respect for me and it's over.
00:05:55.000 Okay, wait for it. So now Ed is looking through the text messages.
00:05:59.000 So what were we told? Because this seems to have been a lie.
00:06:01.000 What were the claims then? What were the false claims made about this food?
00:06:04.000 I just ate the spiciest thing ever and I eat very very very spicy My heart hurts. It's that spicy.
00:06:17.000 I said, I don't believe you.
00:06:18.000 What? Why? Look, it's supposed to be meat, and it's hot red.
00:06:22.000 They filled it with chili. I gave this little piece to my friend, and she couldn't finish it, and she's crying.
00:06:27.000 I would eat it, and you're weaklings.
00:06:28.000 Okay, next time we go out, we come here, and I'll order you this.
00:06:31.000 Deal? I told you, this is going to be a very unspectacular finish to the whole you can't eat this saga.
00:06:40.000 We literally had to eat yours.
00:06:42.000 You didn't want it. Yeah, I ate yours.
00:06:43.000 Next time, I'm going to try harder.
00:06:45.000 We interrupt this program for a special news bullet.
00:06:49.000 Have you ever taken cryptocurrency advice from a man with a machete?
00:06:54.000 Probably not. So this is the first time for you.
00:06:56.000 But listen to me. Crypto's going to crash.
00:06:59.000 Everyone here is talking about the bull run.
00:07:01.000 Everyone's getting their little panties wet, jizzing.
00:07:03.000 Oh, the bull run, the bull run, the bull run.
00:07:05.000 Anyone with a brain understands a crash is coming.
00:07:09.000 Last week, it all dropped by 30-40%.
00:07:11.000 What did I do six hours before it crashed?
00:07:15.000 I fucking sold. I put the screenshot on Twitter to prove I sold.
00:07:19.000 Now we're getting near the all-time high, man.
00:07:21.000 $20,000 is a huge psychological barrier.
00:07:23.000 Even if we break through it, there's going to be a point where it dumps and it crashes.
00:07:26.000 I have been putting emails out saying, look, join the War Room Trading Academy.
00:07:30.000 I have a team of analysts.
00:07:32.000 Which tell me exactly when to buy and sell my crypto.
00:07:35.000 After the last dump, I got so many emails from people saying, I wish I joined your trading academy.
00:07:40.000 Not only would I have access to the trading academy, but even though I paid the price, I still would have saved a bunch of money because I would have sold when I was supposed to.
00:07:48.000 The price is up and down, right?
00:07:49.000 Up, down, up, down. You need to sell at the top, buy at the bottom.
00:07:53.000 You need a team of analysts telling you when to do that.
00:07:56.000 Because if you don't have it, you're just sitting there, FOMO, guessing, hunch, maybe, gut feeling, playing with the market, and you're gonna lose more money.
00:08:05.000 It's gonna cost you more money than if you got some expert advice.
00:08:09.000 What's cheaper in the long run?
00:08:11.000 Your car's broken, right?
00:08:12.000 You go and you pay a mechanic to fix the car.
00:08:15.000 Or you just try and do it yourself.
00:08:16.000 Let me just wing it. Let me just do it myself.
00:08:18.000 Let me just change this random part.
00:08:20.000 Oh, fuck it. Let me just put gas in the oil tank.
00:08:23.000 I might fix it. You ain't got a clue what you're fucking doing.
00:08:25.000 Most of you people fucking with crypto want to get rich, but you ain't got a clue what you're doing.
00:08:28.000 Let me tell you something. I've got over 15 million in crypto.
00:08:31.000 I don't need to know what I'm doing.
00:08:32.000 And even though I do know what I'm doing, I don't need to because I have a team of people who do know what they're doing, and you can get access to my team who will tell you what to do, and you will save money if you get inside of the War Room Trading Academy.
00:08:42.000 I put together a full broadcast that will teach you everything from start to finish, explain exactly how it works, and you can watch it for free here.
00:08:51.000 What's happened, Luke? Snowy.
00:08:55.000 So you're telling me I spent $3 million on cars.
00:09:00.000 And then Earth decided to snow with no consideration for the fact that every single day I drive a supercar.
00:09:06.000 I'm not one of those guys with a supercar he takes out sometimes.
00:09:08.000 Every day, I drive one of my cars somewhere.
00:09:11.000 And look. This is bullshit, Lou.
00:09:16.000 With all my beautiful cars covered in snow.
00:09:21.000 This is a bit bullshit, isn't it?
00:09:22.000 Bullshit! We're running out of all...
00:09:25.000 We either run away and go to Dubai.
00:09:29.000 But I was in Dubai for my birthday last year.
00:09:32.000 And wasn't Tristan supposed to be having some huge party to fight the police because of what they said about us on the news?
00:09:37.000 Yes. Is that happening?
00:09:39.000 I assume so. He hasn't mentioned it since.
00:09:46.000 We just straighten this out straightener? No.
00:09:52.000 Sigh.
00:09:54.000 Door opens.
00:09:55.000 Door closes.
00:09:57.000 Door opens.
00:10:00.000 Door closes.
00:10:01.000 Door opens.
00:10:05.000 Door closes.
00:10:12.000 Door opens.
00:10:14.000 Door closes.
00:10:16.000 Door opens.
00:10:18.000 Door closes.
00:10:20.000 Door opens.
00:10:22.000 Door closes.
00:10:24.000 Door opens.
00:10:26.000 Door closes.
00:10:28.000 Door opens.
00:10:30.000 Door closes.
00:10:33.000 Door opens.
00:10:34.000 Door closes.
00:10:36.000 Stop recording.
00:10:39.000 Door opens.
00:10:41.000 Woo!
00:10:43.000 My feet are dying, Tristan.
00:10:45.000 Door opens.
00:10:47.000 Door closes.
00:10:49.000 Door opens.
00:10:52.000 Ah!
00:10:53.000 Ah!
00:10:57.000 Happy birthday.
00:11:06.000 Whiskey?
00:11:10.000 My birthday is an emergency meeting with whiskey.
00:11:13.000 Yes. It's a whiskey and soda war.
00:11:16.000 It could have been good, though. It had a chance.
00:11:19.000 Maybe next year. What are we doing, by the way?
00:11:22.000 We're going to get rid of them, don't we? Next year, all-time high.
00:11:26.000 Next year. Next birthday.
00:11:30.000 I thought you were throwing a big party.
00:11:31.000 You pissed off the COVID authorities. What happened to that?
00:11:33.000 I woke up this morning and stuck in a party.
00:11:35.000 I don't see anything. Loans at work.
00:11:39.000 What? It's loads of work.
00:11:41.000 Simpler solution. Free whiskeys, but so to war.
00:11:44.000 Emergency meeting. Our friendship is better than any party.
00:11:47.000 Yeah. You don't need a party.
00:11:50.000 You don't need to celebrate. This is celebration.
00:11:53.000 A cousin and a brother, like us.
00:11:57.000 You're welcome. Cheers.
00:12:00.000 Cheers, Luke. Cheers.
00:12:06.000 That's what you get. You do know me.
00:12:14.000 You do know him. You can't deny that.
00:12:17.000 So whose fault is it the things that I do to you if you know me?
00:12:22.000 It's not my fault. So there's no party.
00:12:23.000 I do the things that I do.
00:12:25.000 I'm asking you so party. If not, no.
00:12:27.000 There might be. I'm gonna ask one y'all.
00:12:47.000 I just got a video from Dubai.
00:12:53.000 You told me not to go to Dubai.
00:13:02.000 You said, don't worry, it's in the bag.
00:13:05.000 We're having a party. It is in the bag.
00:13:06.000 You didn't say that. I know I didn't.
00:13:08.000 I tried to hook flex to Dubai.
00:13:09.000 You said, no, don't worry, it's in the bag, it's all under control.
00:13:11.000 Correct. I've woken up, it's my birthday.
00:13:17.000 Two lots of hard people. I didn't fucking tell them.
00:13:22.000 It was actually in the bag.
00:13:24.000 It is in the bag. Happy birthday.
00:13:30.000 Happy birthday. Happy birthday.
00:13:37.000 So we didn't get you a cake, but we got you a muffin.