Tate Speech - September 23, 2025


The World’s Best Shisha | Tate Confidential Ep 322


Episode Stats

Length

17 minutes

Words per Minute

115.46512

Word Count

1,986

Sentence Count

288

Misogynist Sentences

5

Hate Speech Sentences

8


Summary

Tristan and Luke are on a trip to Turkey with their friend Andrew and his family when they get into a heated argument about poo poo. They also talk about a game of Uno and how they will never lose in the game.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 You thought you were a mountain of conquest.
00:00:02.000 You're actually a canyon of poop.
00:00:04.000 Swore to God, he swore his life.
00:00:06.000 Uno.
00:00:07.000 And now that I think about it, I think I always envisioned him as black.
00:00:10.000 Nobody knows but us how we roll, how we roll.
00:00:17.000 I think you're a mountain of conquest, but you're actually a canyon of poo-poo.
00:00:20.000 Poo.
00:00:21.000 There.
00:00:23.000 What girl a man says poo-poo?
00:00:27.000 I'm just saying.
00:00:28.000 I'm- Listen, I don't like what you are.
00:00:31.000 Nobody likes what you are.
00:00:32.000 I'm just pointing it out.
00:00:34.000 Yeah.
00:00:34.000 You're a canyon of poo-poo.
00:00:36.000 And you're never gonna beat me a smash.
00:00:38.000 Yeah.
00:00:39.000 You think you're a mountain of conquest.
00:00:40.000 What do you want to do?
00:00:42.000 I just pick up the controller, bro.
00:00:43.000 What do you want me to do?
00:00:44.000 I can't help but think you fucking suck.
00:00:46.000 Don't shoot the messenger.
00:00:47.000 There's no of man.
00:00:50.000 Bored in a jack.
00:00:51.000 Calling things poop.
00:00:54.000 It just isn't.
00:00:56.000 A mountain of poo poo isn't a thing.
00:01:00.000 Okay.
00:01:00.000 You thought you were a mountain of conquest.
00:01:03.000 But you're actually a canyon of poodle.
00:01:07.000 Why am I here?
00:01:09.000 You'll never recover financially.
00:01:11.000 We'll never recover financially.
00:01:30.000 Oh 279% left 2.
00:01:36.000 Yeah.
00:01:38.000 Where are we doing?
00:01:38.000 Where are we going?
00:01:40.000 Andrew decided to ask for the air conditioning to be turned off.
00:01:44.000 This is now the hottest plane in general.
00:01:46.000 Yeah, it's the uh excuse me.
00:01:49.000 My brother's very stupid.
00:01:50.000 Can you put the air conditioning back on?
00:01:52.000 Whoa!
00:01:53.000 We outvoted him.
00:01:57.000 You think you're a mountain of conquest.
00:02:00.000 But you're actually a canyon of poopo.
00:02:07.000 Thank you.
00:02:07.000 I hope it's cold in the canyon.
00:02:11.000 Why are we on a plane?
00:02:13.000 Run to Turkey.
00:02:14.000 Why?
00:02:15.000 See if we arrested.
00:02:18.000 What's in Turkey?
00:02:22.000 Well.
00:02:25.000 Turkish people.
00:02:26.000 Ice cream.
00:02:27.000 Okay, okay.
00:02:30.000 No shit.
00:02:31.000 Turkish delay.
00:02:32.000 Well you are American, so I thought you didn't know.
00:02:35.000 Why are we going to Turkey?
00:02:37.000 Well, I might be building a boat.
00:02:39.000 I don't want to go check on it.
00:02:41.000 So we're building a super yacht, so we have to go check out.
00:02:44.000 I might be building a super yacht.
00:02:46.000 Allegedly.
00:02:47.000 Allegedly on house arrest Tristan convinced me for us to build a super yacht.
00:02:52.000 Allegedly.
00:02:53.000 So we're gonna allegedly go look at it.
00:02:56.000 Because you have to break a champagne bottle over the hull.
00:02:59.000 Otherwise it's bad luck.
00:03:00.000 At the beginning, and we need luck.
00:03:02.000 Fuck yeah.
00:03:03.000 We need luck.
00:03:04.000 So I'll I'll risk getting arrested on land to have luck at sea.
00:03:07.000 That's fine.
00:03:08.000 I miss them.
00:03:09.000 What is the name of the uh I was thinking of calling it out, because it's gonna be very dark in color and it's shaped like this.
00:03:17.000 So it looks kinda like a knife.
00:03:19.000 Think about calling it the Marcel Mullings.
00:03:25.000 but never lost.
00:03:28.000 Real bad young.
00:03:30.000 Yardy.
00:03:34.000 How about it?
00:03:36.000 It's for you.
00:03:38.000 It's for you, friend.
00:03:41.000 Sure.
00:03:42.000 Yeah, don't worry about it.
00:03:45.000 It's a bit small.
00:03:47.000 I'm gonna be honest.
00:03:49.000 I'm used to bigger and better things.
00:03:51.000 It's a little bit small.
00:03:53.000 In his defense enter.
00:03:55.000 We float on really big jets, but we float on loads of smaller ones.
00:03:58.000 Marcel's only really float on big jets.
00:04:01.000 So why are you downgrading his lifestyle this way?
00:04:07.000 I'm gonna say my jets usually do think of it.
00:04:09.000 Hey.
00:04:10.000 You don't have it on the big jets.
00:04:12.000 Uno comes out, people lose.
00:04:15.000 I've never lost.
00:04:16.000 Some people lose.
00:04:19.000 I have never lost again.
00:04:21.000 You will never lost in the jet at Uno.
00:04:23.000 You lost in the jet.
00:04:24.000 So you didn't want one with a big table.
00:04:26.000 You will never beat the Uno.
00:04:28.000 You will never beat the Uno.
00:04:34.000 Puncio!
00:04:35.000 On my jet!
00:04:36.000 April 23rd, you lost on my jet!
00:04:40.000 My jet!
00:04:42.000 April 23rd, you lost it to me!
00:04:46.000 never you should put money out I've never lost a game of Uno.
00:04:56.000 In my entire life, I've never lost.
00:04:59.000 I swear on my best friend Marcel's good fortune.
00:05:03.000 I have never lost a game of Uno, ever.
00:05:05.000 I've never lost a game of Uno.
00:07:05.000 I'll find you in another world.
00:08:37.000 Luke, you got paid at least 15 to 20 million the last three months.
00:08:41.000 These are my favorite things.
00:08:43.000 Bailey, why?
00:08:45.000 why would I need more things new pouch no I like this pouch this is my favorite passage well back it's a little bit broken but I've decided because I keep breaking them so I have to keep buying new ones once I decide just to dash what's in the pouch I think uh the the world can never know that's that's classified information my pouch only has limited amount of space a yes car no daddy no I don't drive I retired on driving we already knew this we established like a big fat diamond shank no let's get loot A boat the same size as ours.
00:09:15.000 No, I don't need a boat.
00:09:16.000 And call it.
00:09:17.000 I can't I can't even say the Denini.
00:09:20.000 That's a good name.
00:09:22.000 It's a good name.
00:09:23.000 Hey, Blue.
00:09:24.000 Hey, and Blue.
00:09:25.000 Okay, okay.
00:09:26.000 But no thing.
00:09:26.000 Should we buy Luke a brand new outfit?
00:09:28.000 No.
00:09:28.000 What do you want us to buy?
00:09:30.000 Nothing.
00:09:30.000 You have to do it.
00:09:32.000 I don't need any.
00:09:32.000 Look, when I was your ages, my dream to come here and be able to get anything out.
00:09:35.000 Yeah.
00:09:35.000 I don't need anything.
00:09:36.000 Anything you want in the world.
00:09:38.000 Nothing.
00:09:39.000 If I want it, I'd have it.
00:09:41.000 I don't need it.
00:09:42.000 So you're gonna wear the same t-shirt and same jeans you've been wearing since the beginning of every single.
00:09:45.000 Maybe a new hat.
00:09:48.000 Maybe.
00:09:48.000 Okay.
00:09:49.000 Why look a new hat?
00:09:51.000 Maybe.
00:09:55.000 We're gonna go out.
00:10:04.000 In fact, I'm realizing every single time I travel, I need less and less.
00:10:07.000 I have to think.
00:10:08.000 Wait, what did I used to put in my bags?
00:10:10.000 I don't need this, don't need that.
00:10:15.000 Take him to the hat shop.
00:10:17.000 Yeah, but I want like a like touristy hat.
00:10:20.000 You know, like those tourist hats.
00:10:21.000 That'll be have a little logo of exactly where we are now.
00:10:25.000 We need to get him a ball.
00:10:26.000 No, a fancy hat.
00:10:27.000 It can't be fancy.
00:10:29.000 That's to be 10 euro max.
00:10:30.000 Hey, you said hat.
00:10:32.000 Yeah.
00:10:33.000 The most expensive hat and bottom.
00:10:35.000 No, you know, the most expensive hat and bottom.
00:10:38.000 *laughs*
00:10:41.000 thank you Best in the world.
00:10:49.000 The best in the world.
00:10:50.000 Surprise me.
00:10:50.000 Bring me three different flavors.
00:10:52.000 Three different flavors.
00:10:53.000 Surprise me.
00:10:54.000 Uh uh, do you want something fresh or sweet?
00:10:56.000 Surprise him.
00:10:57.000 Okay.
00:10:57.000 And uh answer it.
00:10:59.000 Do you want it classic one?
00:11:02.000 What's the special?
00:11:03.000 Is special one is uh like we have this flavor in the special.
00:11:06.000 Okay, okay, thank you.
00:11:08.000 How much is 15,000 Turkish?
00:11:09.000 What does that have?
00:11:10.000 What even is that?
00:11:10.000 It is um 400 or best in the world.
00:11:17.000 Best of the world.
00:11:17.000 So it's the best in the world, I actually have really high hopes because it's a super bold claim.
00:11:21.000 It is a big bill.
00:11:22.000 So tells it the guy who's been everywhere smoking shisha everywhere.
00:11:25.000 It's a very bold claim to say, wait, this shisha is the best in the world.
00:11:28.000 I mean, he basically put his life on the line.
00:11:30.000 Yeah.
00:11:31.000 Because someone has to pay for deception.
00:11:32.000 Obviously, I've been there before.
00:11:34.000 Say again.
00:11:35.000 I've been there before.
00:11:36.000 True.
00:11:36.000 You did do this about being a camera.
00:11:38.000 You can't lie.
00:11:39.000 Guys, you can't lie.
00:11:40.000 So now we have to decide on Waitley.
00:11:42.000 We said we're gonna give him exactly two years and 286 days for deciding.
00:11:46.000 He's not the best cameraman in the world, is he?
00:11:48.000 We should kill him.
00:11:50.000 What?
00:11:51.000 Daily gives us a few.
00:11:52.000 Bailey's original video.
00:11:53.000 I'm the best cameraman in the world try me out of luck.
00:11:56.000 Didn't us three agree that tonight was the night where we decide.
00:11:59.000 No, tonight was the night we decided if you're actually Luke's cousin.
00:12:03.000 And if I'm not.
00:12:04.000 Or if you're a liar.
00:12:06.000 Personally, I think he's been lying.
00:12:08.000 I'm an Italian club man who's wormed his way into your family.
00:12:11.000 What's your name?
00:12:12.000 Emilio Largo.
00:12:15.000 Emilio Largo's here.
00:12:16.000 I'm Darko Korean.
00:12:20.000 I'm Felix.
00:12:23.000 Felix Lyder.
00:12:24.000 No, you're Eugene Carmichael.
00:12:25.000 Isn't it Felix Light or black?
00:12:27.000 Lou.
00:12:27.000 No?
00:12:28.000 In the movies, but not in the books.
00:12:29.000 Ah.
00:12:30.000 In the books, he's a Texas.
00:12:31.000 He's American, American Texas.
00:12:33.000 Yeah, they did make him black.
00:12:35.000 Cowboy hats.
00:12:35.000 Yeah.
00:12:36.000 I remember him as blackers.
00:12:38.000 The movies got me.
00:12:39.000 They DEI'd it.
00:12:40.000 Yeah.
00:12:42.000 Yeah.
00:12:42.000 The disappointment on Tristan's.
00:12:43.000 I know.
00:12:44.000 I'm disappointed now.
00:12:45.000 I've listened to a lot of those books with Tristan.
00:12:47.000 A cardinal sins.
00:12:48.000 And now that I think about it, I think I always envisioned him as black.
00:12:51.000 Spying would have been so cool in the 50s.
00:12:53.000 Having a cigarette, being in the hotel lobby, the only good hotel in the city, seeing the other important people, hearing things, having a nice car, fucking the women that's single.
00:13:01.000 Now spying is being a fucking autistic retard.
00:13:04.000 Sitting in MI6HQ.
00:13:06.000 You're a diversity hire because you speak Hindi and you're sitting here as a little Indian, tapping into white people's accounts, seeing if they're mad that they lost their country.
00:13:17.000 He doesn't like the cutting ED.
00:13:20.000 For 35,000 pounds a year.
00:13:22.000 There's no James Bond.
00:13:23.000 Even spying's becoming gay.
00:13:25.000 There's nothing cool left at all.
00:13:27.000 Not a fucking this little James Bonds.
00:13:29.000 It's just, James, think of something Indian that rhymes with bond, dammit.
00:13:37.000 Make a fucking joke.
00:13:38.000 You are shit.
00:13:39.000 Why are you even in this shop?
00:13:40.000 Fucking useless.
00:13:42.000 Remember when Tristan thought there'd be no cats here in Turkey?
00:13:45.000 Oh yeah.
00:13:46.000 We didn't even feel it for take home at all.
00:13:48.000 Tristan will swore to God, he swore his life.
00:13:50.000 There'd be no cats in Turkey.
00:13:52.000 None.
00:13:53.000 I was there.
00:13:54.000 I was there.
00:13:55.000 That's how you remember it going now.
00:13:58.000 And now every single time I see a cat, I have to point it out.
00:14:01.000 Just to show to him how wrong he was.
00:14:05.000 That is true.
00:14:07.000 I swore on my life and every male member of my family's life.
00:14:11.000 That there were no cats in Turkey.
00:14:13.000 I did do that.
00:14:14.000 Bailey, all I said was, you know, I think there might be some cats in Turkey.
00:14:17.000 That's all I said.
00:14:18.000 That's out nowhere.
00:14:19.000 That's what you said.
00:14:20.000 Yes.
00:14:20.000 That's what I said.
00:14:21.000 That's what started it.
00:14:23.000 And then he started talking about how there's no cats in Turkey at all.
00:14:27.000 That's what happened.
00:14:28.000 I was there!
00:14:29.000 Promise me it's the best she show in the world.
00:14:43.000 This is the best she show in the world.
00:14:44.000 You promise, right?
00:14:45.000 Just suspicious.
00:14:46.000 He's confident.
00:14:46.000 Alright, he's confident.
00:14:47.000 He's confident.
00:14:52.000 I'm so excited about this.
00:14:53.000 Ah bro.
00:14:55.000 Me too.
00:14:55.000 I haven't had shisha in two days and only had to uh go back to jail.
00:15:01.000 Stressful.
00:15:04.000 Even I'm excited.
00:15:05.000 I'm excited.
00:15:06.000 It does smell pretty good.
00:15:08.000 It does.
00:15:08.000 It does.
00:15:17.000 Brother, what this she show over there in the corner.
00:15:20.000 It's for him, man.
00:15:23.000 tag friends It's pretty good.
00:15:39.000 It's pretty good.
00:15:40.000 I wouldn't say it's the best in the world, yes.
00:15:42.000 But it is pretty good.
00:15:44.000 He's a lot.
00:15:45.000 I can't murder him in this thing.
00:15:48.000 I would say it's the best in the world.
00:15:50.000 Is this the best one for us?
00:15:52.000 9 out of 10!
00:15:53.000 9 out of 10!
00:15:54.000 9!
00:15:55.000 5, 5, 9 out of 10!
00:15:57.000 We had a little bit more to throw!
00:15:59.000 We did something!
00:16:01.000 This is the best one for us!
00:16:03.000 This is the best one for us!
00:16:05.000 9 out of 10!
00:16:11.000 Oh.
00:16:13.000 Now that's a cloud.
00:16:18.000 I'll tell you when it's done.
00:16:20.000 9.5 seconds.
00:16:22.000 10.5 seconds.
00:16:52.000 10.5 seconds.
00:17:02.000 No one can do it.
00:17:03.000 This is not smart.
00:17:04.000 Dank cat.
00:17:05.000 Perrotulum's silak de la merie.
00:17:08.000 It is not really the best of your own.
00:17:10.000 You want Poseidon on your side on a monocrow.