Tate Speech


WE REPLACED OUR COUSIN | Tate Confidential Ep. 28


Summary

Tristan and Andrew have no idea what to do when the power goes out in their flat in the middle of the night and they need to get some emergency booze to make it through the night. But what happens when they don t have any booze, and they don't have any food or water, and the only place they can think of to turn to is the one thing that gives them the most comfort in the worst possible situation...booze. And that's exactly what they do, and it's not even close to as scary as they make it out to the pub to find out if they can survive without any booze or food or whether or not they're going to survive the night without power. This episode is brought to you by Dalsen and Tate, the podcasting duo behind the podcast, and produced by Tristan Tate and Andrew Tate. We hope you enjoy this episode, and we'd be grateful if you left us a five star review on Apple Podcasts if you liked it! 5 stars is much appreciated and really does mean a lot to us. We'll be looking out for you in the future episodes, so don't forget to leave us a review and tell us what you thought of the podcast in the comments section below! We'd love to hear your thoughts on what you think of the episode and what you'd like us to do in the next episode! Thank you for supporting the podcast! - Your continued support is greatly appreciated. - your support is so appreciated, it really means the world of podcasting and it really does make a difference to us all a lot more than just a little bit more than a few pounds and a few pence and a whole lot more. Thank you and a big thank you to us for making us a chance to help us out there in the world. We really appreciate it. We're looking forward to hearing from you. We appreciate you. XOXO, your support really means a lot and we really appreciate your support and a lot of effort and we appreciate you, we really do appreciate it... - thank you. XO. P.E and keep up the work, bye. Love ya'll. xo - Luke and Andrew - P.A. - EJ and Tristan - Adam and Andrew - Love you and the boys and your support will be much more than you can do in this episode is really important.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Good shot there from Tate!
00:00:02.000 A lot of people say girls love money and that's not entirely true.
00:00:20.000 But I'm not a girl.
00:00:22.000 I'm a girl.
00:00:38.000 Thank you.
00:00:43.000 So basically, everyone remembers when Luke didn't know he was doing a fire near the flameworks.
00:00:48.000 He said I was going to buy Street Fighter.
00:00:50.000 I couldn't find the SNES thing.
00:00:52.000 So I had to buy an arcade machine.
00:00:54.000 So Luke, in his fear, decided to hurt his hands on purpose and have double hand surgery.
00:01:02.000 He formulated a plan.
00:01:04.000 To avoid getting busts up at Street Fighter.
00:01:08.000 So I buy an arcade machine to teach him about Yoga Fire.
00:01:11.000 Now he can't do his life.
00:01:13.000 It's true. I cannot.
00:01:15.000 Rick has no hands.
00:01:17.000 He's not out of fear. He is out of fear.
00:01:20.000 He's definitely out of fear. Here comes a new challenger.
00:01:24.000 Dal Sib. Dal Sib.
00:01:26.000 Yoga Fire, Yoga Flame.
00:01:28.000 Luke doesn't know what he's doing.
00:01:29.000 Luke doesn't know what he's doing. I'm Dalsin.
00:01:56.000 That's Dalsin. I'm Ryu, or Ryu.
00:02:00.000 You are nobody.
00:02:01.000 Because you've got no hands.
00:02:03.000 I'm not scared.
00:02:32.000 It's been power.
00:02:58.000 Our power has gone down.
00:03:01.000 Jacuzzi, the heating ain't on to the jacuzzi.
00:03:03.000 There's some kind of windstorm, some arctic windstorm.
00:03:06.000 It's an emergency. We're in an emergency situation.
00:03:10.000 We have no cameras in our war room.
00:03:12.000 Why don't we buy a backup generator?
00:03:14.000 That's a good idea. Look, that's a good idea.
00:03:17.000 All I know is, who's the idiot now?
00:03:20.000 Now we're not starving to death.
00:03:22.000 We've got the cans, we've got the wine, and we've got the whiskey.
00:03:24.000 He has a very good point. Thank you, Ron Paul.
00:03:26.000 Whiskey is not... We need power.
00:03:29.000 We need a diesel generator.
00:03:31.000 Listen, we need whiskey.
00:03:33.000 That's all we need. And if you observe the booze collection over here, this is just a fraction of the collection of fine boozes, which I have stashed in case of an emergency just like this.
00:03:44.000 Boozes? So I'm going to crack open this beautiful bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue Label, get a few glasses, and we're going to sit down at the table and have a wonderful fucking time.
00:03:54.000 Emergency table booze.
00:03:56.000 We have ice cream. We need ice cream.
00:04:00.000 Ice cream's going to melt.
00:04:02.000 I'm going to go get some ice cream. It's okay to be.
00:04:04.000 Bring ice. All right, let's drink whiskey and smoke some bars in the powerhouse.
00:04:07.000 Obviously. Obviously.
00:04:11.000 Me and Andrew, we're not scared of having no electricity.
00:04:14.000 We once ran up an electricity bill so high in our flat in Dunstable that we couldn't pay that we called the electricity company and lied and said, oh, we just moved in.
00:04:23.000 We don't know. Yeah, this Tristan Tate is just, I don't know who he was.
00:04:27.000 My name is Andrew Tate, and Andrew tried to pretend he just moved in.
00:04:31.000 So then they said they needed to speak to the landlord.
00:04:33.000 So we got our friend Glenn, our friend, to call and say that he was our landlord when he wasn't to the electricity company.
00:04:41.000 And eventually they believed him and then they put us on an electricity meter.
00:04:45.000 So our electricity would go down.
00:04:47.000 20 pounds at a time would tick down until we get into a situation like this.
00:04:51.000 So I ain't scared of a situation like this.
00:04:52.000 Yeah, we lived this whole time. Oh, a few candles?
00:04:54.000 We lifted our electricity until the fucking money came in.
00:04:56.000 But we didn't even have emergency food or booze.
00:05:00.000 Emergency booze.
00:05:01.000 Yeah. You have no hands.
00:05:16.000 I'll have a smoke. I'll have a smoke.
00:05:18.000 I need ice for my whiskey.
00:05:20.000 Command the wench to bring ice.
00:05:25.000 Wench! Ice from the freezer.
00:05:27.000 Single word. Simple command.
00:05:33.000 Here we go. Now we go from the Cubans.
00:05:35.000 May as well smoke them. Three Cubans.
00:05:37.000 Me and my boys. We're on full of Luke.
00:05:38.000 Andrew. I'm going to smoke a big Davidoff.
00:05:42.000 No damning off, no suck me off.
00:05:45.000 We might be doing good. Let's see.
00:05:50.000 Let me tell you a story about the stoking future.
00:05:52.000 At some point in the next 10 years, you, me, and Tristan are going to be in some kind of car crash in the Mongolian mountains, and we're all going to have injuries.
00:05:59.000 And Tristan and I are going to continue to walk all the way, bus up, no fucking plasters, no cap, we're going to get to the end.
00:06:05.000 Your baby ass would be like, oh, but I haven't got casts.
00:06:08.000 I don't have plasma. No, but I wouldn't.
00:06:09.000 I'd walk. You'd die.
00:06:10.000 I would walk. Well, then take off your fucking thing.
00:06:13.000 You'd be walking in the Mongolian desert, bro.
00:06:15.000 You're either a hero or you're not a hero.
00:06:17.000 When I bust my hand, you put a picture in, I bust my hand.
00:06:20.000 I punched him in the top of his head.
00:06:21.000 I broke my hand. I continued to punch for 12 rounds.
00:06:23.000 I broke my hands in eight places.
00:06:26.000 I went in for fucking emergency surgery.
00:06:28.000 I put it on. And as soon as they said, you can't drive with a cast in validation insurance, I bought a fucking Stanley knife.
00:06:34.000 Cut it off and put on a glove, bro.
00:06:37.000 A witness to that story is flying in.
00:06:40.000 He'll be here in two hours. I've replaced you, Luke.
00:06:42.000 I'm getting a replacement, Luke.
00:06:44.000 One, because you're out of action because you cut your pinkies.
00:06:46.000 And two, because you look like a fucking geek with those gloves on your hands.
00:06:50.000 I can't hang around with you. We have to replace Luke until he removes the cap.
00:06:52.000 Take him off. Immediately.
00:06:54.000 Be a man. You look like a baby.
00:06:56.000 Oh, I can't look. For everyone watching at home, he's cut his pinkies.
00:07:00.000 That's why he's wearing... The tendons are cut!
00:07:02.000 Zoom in! Zoom in on these things!
00:07:03.000 Three tendons! Zoom in!
00:07:05.000 And two nerds! Pinkies!
00:07:07.000 With that amount of bandaging, you shouldn't have no pinkies at all.
00:07:12.000 Yeah. If they're still there, then you don't need that much.
00:07:14.000 Yeah, that's amputation level bandaging.
00:07:16.000 It's Romania! They don't know how to minimize the amount of bandages they use.
00:07:20.000 I blame the Romanians for the amount of bandages.
00:07:23.000 Take off. It's Romania.
00:07:25.000 The cast. You look like a geek.
00:07:27.000 You're bringing shame on this family.
00:07:31.000 You're bringing shame on this family.
00:07:33.000 I've let you into my household and into this family.
00:07:35.000 You're bringing shame on them. Alright, so if I take them off, I'm going to recast them.
00:07:38.000 But in a more effective manner.
00:07:40.000 There is no casting. There's no casting, bro.
00:07:42.000 There is. Take them off.
00:07:43.000 There is. Don't take them off.
00:07:45.000 Please don't take them off.
00:07:46.000 Luke, take off the cast.
00:07:48.000 Andrew took out the stitches in my head one day after I got them because they look stupid and I need to gel my hair.
00:07:56.000 So Andrew will take off your cast.
00:07:57.000 He's a professional. I'm a doctor.
00:07:59.000 I've got a PhD. In fact, right now let's post a photo in the series of you taking your stitches out of my head because that photo does exist.
00:08:08.000 I had them for one day, couldn't gel my hair, my hair looked whack.
00:08:14.000 I've got a PhD. Your hands are worse than my hair.
00:08:16.000 Take them off. I've got a bippin' hose degree, bro.
00:08:18.000 But I'm not going anywhere.
00:08:20.000 Take off the cast. We're staying in home.
00:08:22.000 So? And there's no one to impress.
00:08:25.000 There are people to disappoint, though.
00:08:28.000 Your lovely cousins who have let you come here and be a millionaire are upset with the way you're conducting yourself.
00:08:34.000 Because I have casts on.
00:08:35.000 Yes. You look like a geek.
00:08:38.000 Do I take them off? No.
00:08:40.000 And if you look like a geek...
00:08:42.000 You must be a geek. And you're hanging around me, looking like a geek.
00:08:46.000 Embarrassing me in front of Ronfold.
00:08:49.000 They are very impractical, however.
00:08:51.000 Yeah, it looks like a geek, yeah.
00:08:52.000 However. Shit, they are very impractical.
00:08:54.000 Very impractical, however.
00:08:57.000 Take off the castle. I'll go get Andrew and I, if Andy's taking them off.
00:09:00.000 For long term... What do you mean, no?
00:09:03.000 For long term... I could walk through the Mongolian desert without...
00:09:12.000 No, no. I could.
00:09:13.000 Now, if a doctor told you to sit still and don't walk, keep waiting, or die, no, I'm gonna walk.
00:09:19.000 Well, you're dying now of embarrassment.
00:09:21.000 And you're killing me along with you.
00:09:24.000 Is that a thing? Mm-hmm.
00:09:28.000 It's true that it is too much.
00:09:30.000 You look like a geek. You cut your pinky.
00:09:35.000 I cut my pinky when I was a kid.
00:09:37.000 What day is it? I cut my tendons.
00:09:41.000 Your tendons and I've stitched it together with a surgical thread.
00:09:44.000 They're stronger than ever. You've got Matt and you've got Invincible Bionic Tendons.
00:09:48.000 I don't believe they're stronger than ever.
00:09:49.000 I believe they are. I believe they used to be very strong.
00:09:51.000 Now they've got a week. Remember yesterday when I said we can't be cousins with such a punk and I was gonna replace Luke?
00:10:02.000 Luke! Come in!
00:10:05.000 Luke! Yeah.
00:10:07.000 Here we go. That's not Luke.
00:10:09.000 What do you mean? I'm here. I've known him for ages and his name's Rory.
00:10:13.000 No, I'm Luke. This is our cousin Luke.
00:10:15.000 I've officially replaced Luke.
00:10:16.000 He is. He's our cousin.
00:10:18.000 We've known him since we were kids. So this is Luke now?
00:10:20.000 This is Luke. Look at his hands.
00:10:22.000 What do you think this is a fucking game?
00:10:23.000 These are the hands of a cousin of ours.
00:10:25.000 Hate hands. They're not crab hands.
00:10:27.000 At least you could punch somebody. Here's Luke.
00:10:29.000 Come on, Luke. Welcome home. How's your mom?
00:10:35.000 How's Aunt Kathy? Is she good? She's good.
00:10:37.000 She's awesome. Is she good, Sophie?
00:10:39.000 Sophie's alright. She's doing well.
00:10:41.000 She's doing well. Awesome here. I'm glad of you.
00:10:43.000 I'm glad. Alright, ready to set my home, bro.
00:10:44.000 You know where your room is, yeah? Cool, man.
00:10:48.000 Bye, Gene. Gene Galloway.
00:10:52.000 Good damage, Gene.
00:10:54.000 Who are you?
00:11:04.000 Who the fuck are you?
00:11:06.000 I'm fucking Luke. I'm Tristan's cousin.
00:11:10.000 I don't have Luke.
00:11:13.000 Rubble, who is this guy? Luke.
00:11:14.000 I'm fucking Luke. How many times do I have to tell you I'm Luke?
00:11:18.000 What do you mean? What the fuck?
00:11:19.000 What's happening? Who's this fucking dude?
00:11:21.000 Andrew, who's this dude in my bed?
00:11:24.000 Ed, who's that dude?
00:11:26.000 He's Luke. I'm Luke.
00:11:28.000 Because no cousin of mine will still, five days later, have some bullshit crab hands.
00:11:33.000 How are you going to fight with them?
00:11:35.000 I'm not rolling with a guy who can't fight.
00:11:37.000 He can putz. Why is he wearing my jacket on?
00:11:39.000 He's Luke. Because I'm Luke, and this jacket fits me because I'm Luke.
00:11:42.000 He's Luke now. I don't know what you are.
00:11:44.000 No cousin of mine walks around like this.
00:11:46.000 Bro, Kings Luke What do you mean?
00:11:50.000 What's happening?
00:11:52.000 So, are we staying in or are we going out?
00:11:54.000 No, we're going out If Luke wants to have a drink, I'm with him I don't want a drink Who the fuck are you?
00:12:02.000 Luke, who's drinking?
00:12:04.000 Get out of my home This is just a random ad I'm not a random ad Tell this guy, you're gonna be fine with it You're gonna be my cousin Don't disrespect our family I don't know who you are You gotta help him, Luke Can you grab your glasses and cancel this?
00:12:22.000 Thanks bro Thanks cousin You make it look like he's fine He's actually pretending to be our cousin You've never seen such a tape!
00:12:33.000 Exactly! Cognac's good for me.
00:12:39.000 Alright, I'm gonna give you a dog last for this guy.
00:12:41.000 What's your name again, mate? Luke!
00:12:43.000 Don't copy Luke's name.
00:12:46.000 Look, Rory, just take a cough.
00:12:49.000 Who's his name? Rory.
00:12:50.000 Stupid fucking man. Stupid man.
00:12:52.000 I think parents must be in Sri Lanka, right?
00:12:55.000 Exactly. Oh my god.
00:12:57.000 Your mother is an esteemed university professor.
00:13:01.000 I'll be on the next flight back to the States if it's terrible.
00:13:04.000 I'm the only team I'm a man in a fucking bed.
00:13:10.000 Chinese guys! This is my food.
00:13:14.000 Why are you eating my food?
00:13:15.000 Look. Luke Freeman.
00:13:18.000 It has my fucking name on it. Who is this random man?
00:13:20.000 And why are you coming to eat my food now?
00:13:23.000 You need my conscious food?
00:13:24.000 You're trying to get my conscious food?
00:13:26.000 Seriously? Seriously? What the fuck are you doing?
00:13:29.000 Get the fuck out of here. That's something for you.
00:13:31.000 You can have it in here.
00:13:34.000 Who is this man?
00:13:36.000 I don't have to spark this stranger, but I'm building.
00:13:39.000 Who is this man? Ron Paul!
00:13:42.000 Bro, you're not going to stop this!
00:13:43.000 Ron Paul, you know me. Man that Luke, innit?
00:13:45.000 Obviously. Thank you. Help yourself, guys.
00:13:50.000 It's on me. I paid for it.
00:13:54.000 No. I put my name on the receipt.
00:13:57.000 See ya, that's funny. I see ya.
00:13:59.000 Luke Freeman. Not random cut in my house.
00:14:02.000 On the receipt. Thanks.
00:14:06.000 This is Luke's Chinese.
00:14:07.000 Yeah. What are you doing? What? This is Luke's Chinese, bro.
00:14:11.000 His name's on the fucking receipt.