Tate Speech


WUHAN CORONAVIRUS DISCOVERED IN EUROPE | Tate Confidential Ep. 24


Summary

The Wuhan Virus is out, and the Chinese people are here. We need to stockpile food and booze immediately, or we're going to starve to death in this compound of ours. But where will we go to get all the food? And what will we do when we run out of it? We'll go to Chinatown, but there's no Chinatown, so why do we need to go there? We don't know, but it's probably not a good idea. We'll figure it out together, and it'll be a good thing we're not going to die from starvation, because we don't have enough food or booze to survive a crisis of the earth like the one that's about to happen in China, where millions of people are being wiped out by a virus that's going to kill them in a few days, and they don't even know what it is, and we're here to help them prepare for it! This episode was written and produced by Luke and Andrew, and edited by Tristan. Additional music by Mark Phillips and Andrew Pissedoff. Additional production by Alex Blumbergen and Ben Koppel. The theme song was written by Ian Dorsch. Additional music was produced and performed by Matthew Boll. If you like what you hear, please leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts! Subscribe, review, and tell a friend about our podcast! we'll be looking out for you in next week's mailbag. Thank you so much for all your support, and thanks for all the support and love you guys for making this podcast so much love you're amazing! -Tristan and Andrew - Luke and Tristan ( ) & Andrew (Ronna , (Ronald ) (Tate . (Mark ) and Luke (Pissed Off, ) ( ) and Fultz ( ), and the rest of the boys ( ) ( ), ( And we'll see you next week! ( ). Thanks for your support and support is so much support is much appreciated, thank you for all of your support is very much appreciated! , and we appreciate it so much more than the love you all of the love and support you're so much appreciated. ) Thank you guys are so much, so please don't forget to leave a review and support us, we really do appreciate it, it means a lot more than you can help us out there.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Good shot there from Tate!
00:00:02.000 A lot of people say girls love money and that's not entirely true.
00:00:20.000 I'm not sure if that's true.
00:00:34.000 I'm out.
00:00:39.000 Emergency meeting in the war room immediately.
00:00:43.000 Both of you, this is a fucking emergency.
00:00:46.000 Get to the war room. Now!
00:00:48.000 Andrew, go! We fucked up.
00:00:57.000 We fucked up.
00:00:59.000 It's all fucked. It's all entirely fucked.
00:01:02.000 What? You know exactly why.
00:01:04.000 Yesterday when we were in the restaurant, the steakhouse, there were two tables of people.
00:01:08.000 Where were those people from?
00:01:10.000 China. Chinese! The Chinese are here.
00:01:14.000 The Wuhan virus is out.
00:01:16.000 They're locking down cities.
00:01:17.000 There are two, three cities in China that they have locked down completely.
00:01:22.000 Now, we are guys who like to prepare.
00:01:24.000 That's China. Millions of dollars in the bank are not going to help you when the Wuhan virus comes here and everyone's going to be in the supermarkets.
00:01:31.000 Sure, I have to shoot people to get the groceries, but the mafia guy is going to be shooting people too.
00:01:35.000 We need to prepare today.
00:01:37.000 You see how much shelf space we have in this house?
00:01:40.000 Right now, if we were to look down to see, we'd close our big fucking mail gate, we'd be fucking resorted to cannibalism!
00:01:46.000 Within hours, we have popcorn and chips!
00:01:50.000 We are unprepared!
00:01:52.000 Andrew, give me your credit card!
00:01:55.000 Give me your credit card!
00:01:56.000 Give me your... We need to order 3,000 cans of canned meat!
00:02:05.000 And 140 kilograms of rice.
00:02:08.000 Immediately! We need rice, meat, wine, and smokes.
00:02:15.000 Or we're going to get fucking starved to death in this compound of ours.
00:02:20.000 We've built ourselves a fucking wonderful tomb like King Khufu of Egypt.
00:02:27.000 And we're going to sit here and mummify ourselves through starvation when the Wuhan virus kills our friends And neighbors!
00:02:35.000 But the Wuhan virus isn't coming.
00:02:36.000 The Chinese people were in the restaurant, Luke.
00:02:39.000 You saw them yourself. Don't get smart.
00:02:42.000 They were Chinese or Japanese or Filipino or something from there.
00:02:48.000 The Wuhan virus is here.
00:02:50.000 It's real. We need to stockpile food and booze immediately.
00:02:56.000 There were Chinese people.
00:02:57.000 There were. Thank you.
00:02:58.000 Food and booze.
00:03:00.000 400 bottles of wine.
00:03:02.000 Yeah. Yeah.
00:03:04.000 Sorry. Sorry. A crisis of the earth isn't important enough for you to come in the war room with your fucking popcorn.
00:03:12.000 It's all we fucking got.
00:03:13.000 Gonna live all this shit.
00:03:15.000 You're pathetic. They're Chinese people.
00:03:20.000 That's all I'm saying. He didn't see the Chinese.
00:03:22.000 They were Chinese. Three pages.
00:03:24.000 What's this? I'm ordering more food than fucking to feed the 5,000.
00:03:28.000 I'm Jesus up in this bitch.
00:03:34.000 There you go. I don't believe in running from things.
00:03:41.000 So Tristan yesterday had a panic attack about this fucking Wuhan virus.
00:03:45.000 I didn't have a panic attack. How much did you order?
00:03:46.000 How much food? 3,000 euro of food?
00:03:48.000 Yeah, 3,000 euro of food.
00:03:50.000 I believe when you have an enemy, you have to face it head on.
00:03:54.000 You don't run from it. Adverse is a virus.
00:03:58.000 Yeah, but listen...
00:04:00.000 There's a Chinatown in Bucharest.
00:04:04.000 I've never seen it, but according to Google, there's a Chinatown.
00:04:07.000 I've lived here four years and never seen it.
00:04:10.000 I say we go Chinatown so Wuhan knows we're not afraid.
00:04:14.000 I won't go to Chinatown.
00:04:15.000 It's the only way the virus is going to know that I'm not afraid of it.
00:04:18.000 I'm going to get my supercar, I'm going to pull up to fucking Chinatown.
00:04:22.000 Right here, right now, let Wuhan know.
00:04:24.000 There is no Chinatown, but if you were serious about going to Chinatown.
00:04:28.000 There's a Chinatown. There's no fucking Chinatown, though.
00:04:30.000 I've lived here for years, so I know there's no Chinatown.
00:04:34.000 Well, if you meet the coronavirus, and you start displaying fucking symptoms of the coronavirus, I will shoot you.
00:04:40.000 So it's fine. Don't attack me.
00:04:42.000 Don't attack me if you're welcome.
00:04:43.000 I'll even come with you, but I'm gonna wear a fucking face mask, and when you start displaying symptoms, I'll shoot you.
00:04:47.000 Land it. I'll shoot you both.
00:04:49.000 That guy was much bigger than the actual car.
00:04:57.000 Yeah, it is. I don't know, the witch.
00:05:00.000 I'm telling you that I've asked him a deceptively long time.
00:05:03.000 Four fucking years we've lived in this city.
00:05:25.000 Four years. How many times do you think Andrew's wanted to go to Chinatown?
00:05:29.000 Fucking zero. Pissed me off.
00:05:32.000 He's doing it on purpose to antagonize me, Ron Fultz.
00:05:35.000 See, what you don't understand is me and Andrew have equal shares in what we do.
00:05:39.000 Equal votes. And we used to settle this with a game of dice, like men.
00:05:43.000 But now Luke fucking has come along and he has 0.1 of a vote.
00:05:48.000 He doesn't get a full vote, but he swings the balance.
00:05:51.000 So Luke, fucking American, obviously misses all the Chinese people in California.
00:05:55.000 He's like, yeah, let's go to Chinatown.
00:05:56.000 Get the fucking coronavirus of Wuhan and die.
00:06:00.000 Motherfuckers. I've got to go there and fucking die because they're trying to be clever.
00:06:04.000 I ain't never been to Chinatown in my fucking life.
00:06:06.000 I'll do it.
00:06:33.000 This Mercedes sounds a lot louder than it did before.
00:06:37.000 Yeah, so I upgraded the power and I upgraded the exhaust because I am trying to fight climate change in my own way.
00:06:47.000 I'm trying to emit more CO2 than everyone else.
00:06:50.000 And I'll tell you fucking why.
00:06:51.000 Because I deserve CO2 emissions.
00:06:54.000 See, it's not me, the private citizen's job, to worry about CO2 emissions and saving the planet.
00:06:59.000 I can't do shit.
00:07:01.000 That is the job of the government.
00:07:03.000 So what I do is I buy loads of cars from which I have to pay VAT on.
00:07:08.000 The VAT on my car collection alone is 200,000 English pounds.
00:07:14.000 Plus, that's more tax than most of you motherfuckers will pay in your whole life.
00:07:18.000 So the British government is now armed with 200,000 pounds extra out of my pocket that they can use to fight climate change.
00:07:26.000 Yeah, I spent it on seven cars.
00:07:28.000 Yeah, I upgrade the exhaust and spend loads of money making them loud and making them pollute more.
00:07:32.000 But shit, I'm fighting the good fight.
00:07:34.000 You're broke at home with no car thinking you're saving the fucking environment because you're taking the bus.
00:07:40.000 You're a fucking geek.
00:07:41.000 You contributed nothing to the government's fucking treasury.
00:07:45.000 And it's the government who's going to fix the problems.
00:07:46.000 What the fuck do you know about CO2 in the atmosphere?
00:07:49.000 You're a fucking geek.
00:07:51.000 I thought we were going to China.
00:08:18.000 Bro, China sounds close.
00:08:20.000 So there is no Chinatown, like I said.
00:08:22.000 There's no such thing as a Chinatown.
00:08:25.000 I'm going to take you somewhere Chinese today.
00:08:26.000 You want to go Chinese? I'm taking you somewhere Chinese.
00:08:30.000 F4. Watch this.
00:08:32.000 I'm taking them to the most Chinese place in this whole city.
00:08:35.000 Tonight. Tea.
00:08:41.000 Yoga iced tea.
00:08:43.000 Bro, yoga iced tea. What makes it?
00:08:45.000 What makes it yoga? So you're eating.
00:08:47.000 No, no, bro, bro, bro.
00:08:49.000 Let me ask you a question. Because Luke doesn't know shit about the world.
00:08:51.000 We found out that Luke is such a youngster.
00:08:53.000 He doesn't know shit. Who says yoga fire and yoga flame?
00:08:57.000 Yeah, who says yoga fire?
00:09:00.000 Yoga flame. Who says that?
00:09:01.000 I don't know. You don't know!
00:09:03.000 They're probably dead! They're probably dead!
00:09:05.000 I'll see him from Street Fighter!
00:09:07.000 One, two, three!
00:09:09.000 Go back to my area!
00:09:11.000 Get off!
00:09:14.000 What did he know about the stretchy arms?
00:09:16.000 Nothing. Nothing. You don't know.
00:09:18.000 You lay them up with the stretchy arms.
00:09:20.000 When they try and jump over, yoga fire.
00:09:22.000 Exactly. All you need to throw loads of kicks at him, that's the only way to beat him because she's too fast for the other character.
00:09:27.000 When I jump this and you get yoga fired, what are you going to do?
00:09:29.000 What are you going to do? Nothing.
00:09:31.000 Yeah. You don't know shit.
00:09:33.000 These youngsters don't know shit!
00:09:34.000 If he works for us, you're yoga-fired.
00:09:36.000 He's probably dead by now.
00:09:38.000 Dal Sim never dies.
00:09:40.000 How can you go through life you don't know about yoga-fired?
00:09:44.000 Dal Sim? Yoga-fired.
00:09:47.000 If Zangief was here... I bet you a lot of Zangief don't know about yoga-fired.
00:09:51.000 Everyone knows. Everyone knows.
00:09:52.000 The world knows about Street Fighter II. You're the only person who doesn't know.
00:09:56.000 Yoga, fire. Bro, that was my whole childhood.
00:09:59.000 A geek. Button bashing.
00:10:02.000 Button bashing.
00:10:04.000 It works. Ready for the end of the world.
00:10:25.000 Forever. Whatever.
00:10:27.000 You're welcome. Why do you have the booze?
00:10:30.000 Booze? Red wine, vodka, whiskey, post-apocalyptic.
00:10:34.000 Bro! Homes! You don't even have booze!
00:10:35.000 Bro! Parties, the homes, the apocalypse.
00:10:38.000 You'll be walking down the streets with your guns and they'll be like all raggedy.
00:10:41.000 You'll be like, I've got whiskey. I've got wine.
00:10:44.000 Get all the homes out to the apocalypse, bro.
00:10:50.000 Apocalypse homes are real.
00:10:51.000 There's homes everywhere. How do I repopulate the human species?
00:10:54.000 We need the booze to get the hoes drunk to forget that the world's over.
00:10:59.000 Give them some noodles.
00:11:01.000 They're yours. Done.
00:11:03.000 Mayonnaise. Why?
00:11:07.000 Why? Bro, when the Hunan Chinese virus comes here and starts fucking with you and you and all of you, I'm going to have food.
00:11:17.000 I'm going to be lost. I'm going to be locked in my pantry.
00:11:21.000 If anyone's going to be caught by the Wuhan virus, it's you.
00:11:24.000 You're the weakest of us. I don't believe that.
00:11:27.000 You'll see. We'll see.
00:11:31.000 We're going to China tonight. I'm taking you to a Chinese place.
00:11:33.000 One hour, get ready. I'm going to China.
00:11:36.000 It's a safe door automated.
00:11:38.000 Safe door automated.
00:11:40.000 Oh, wow.
00:11:43.000 Ah!
00:11:45.000 Oh, wow.
00:12:01.000 Peace out.
00:12:26.000 Hey guys. It's me, Mal. And I'm here with my friend, Jermaine.
00:12:32.000 And we're going to be doing a video on the new iPhone. And I'm going to be doing a video on the new iPhone. So, let's get started.
00:12:33.000 I'm going to be doing a video on the new iPhone. So, let's get started.
00:12:40.000 I'm going to be doing a video on the new iPhone. So, let's get started.
00:12:47.000 I'm going to be doing a video on the new iPhone. So, let's get started.
00:12:54.000 You know what I put that berry on? To make it tasty.
00:13:01.000 Okay. Oh, it's good.
00:13:14.000 I told you it's so good, man.
00:13:17.000 It's delicious.
00:13:23.000 Nice.
00:13:31.000 Not a wife. Not a wife.
00:13:35.000 How are they, buddy?
00:13:38.000 It's good.
00:13:39.000 Play with your wife.
00:13:56.000 Play with her.
00:13:57.000 Play with your mother, right?
00:13:59.000 Play with her.
00:14:03.000 Look at that.
00:14:17.000 Yeah, bro.
00:14:19.000 You didn't catch the virus from, you didn't get the virus from the restaurant last night, did you?
00:14:23.000 It was Japanese. There was a Chinese restaurant, and you keep coughing.
00:14:28.000 I think you've got the Ulan virus.
00:14:32.000 Bro! You've got a good non-virus.
00:14:34.000 I'm going to make you sleep in the apartment above the garage until you stop coughing.
00:14:37.000 There's no need in there. Well, the cold of the garage apartment will neutralize the virus.
00:14:43.000 Everyone of those viruses spreads.
00:14:45.000 You keep coughing and you're at a Chinese restaurant.
00:14:49.000 No, lose that. Laptop.
00:14:55.000 Still work. Take it. Don't touch my hands.
00:14:57.000 Take the laptop. Man got the Wuhan virus.
00:15:00.000 Wuhan virus. You're not allowed in my house any yet.
00:15:06.000 Come here. Take me back.
00:15:13.000 Nine. Four.
00:15:16.000 Emergency rations. Apartment bomb Gary, bro.
00:15:20.000 I'm not having you in my house coffee.
00:15:22.000 Go. Take them and go. Take them and go.
00:15:24.000 Don't touch things. Don't touch.
00:15:26.000 Don't touch things. Take them.
00:15:29.000 I'm not kidding. The coronavirus of Wuhan.
00:15:32.000 There's no coronavirus. You were at a Chinese restaurant.
00:15:35.000 There we go. No.
00:15:37.000 Leave. Leave the house.
00:15:39.000 Leave the house. You don't need shoes.
00:15:41.000 Apartments on the garage. Go.
00:15:42.000 This is bullshit. Look, it's not bullshit.
00:15:44.000 I'm not having the virus in my house.
00:15:46.000 There's no virus. Look.
00:15:49.000 Virus is fake news.
00:15:50.000 Look, it's not fake news. Dillon's shoes.
00:15:53.000 Watch. Dillon will be fine.
00:15:55.000 We're going to decontaminate those shoes before we return them.