The Art of Manliness - #516： How to Lead an Unstoppable Team

00:00:00.000 I'm Brett McKay here, and welcome to another edition of the Art of Manliness podcast.

00:00:11.160 Now, all of us will take on leadership roles at some point in our lives.

00:00:14.360 What can you do to ensure your team performs at its highest level?

00:00:17.480 Well, my guest today argues that it's all about caring about the people you lead.

00:00:21.340 His name is Alden Mills.

00:00:22.440 He's a former Navy SEAL platoon commander, the founder of Perfect Fitness, the company

00:00:26.160 that makes the perfect push-up, and the author of the book, Unstoppable Teams.

00:00:29.580 Today on the show, Alden and I discuss why caring about your team is the most important

00:00:33.020 thing you can do as a leader.

00:00:34.320 He walks us through what he calls his care loop, which involves connecting with your team members

00:00:38.080 on an emotional level, giving them autonomy to make decisions, and helping them progress

00:00:41.800 as individuals.

00:00:42.900 Along the way, Alden shares stories from his experience as a SEAL leader and business owner

00:00:46.520 of how to put these principles into action.

00:00:48.580 After the show's over, check out our show notes at aom.is slash unstoppable teams.

00:00:59.580 All right, Alden Mills, welcome back to the show.

00:01:08.480 It's great to be back, Brett.

00:01:10.240 So we had you on, I think about four or five years ago, to talk about your book, Be Unstoppable.

00:01:16.360 You got a new book out.

00:01:17.940 It's called Unstoppable Teams, The Four Essential Actions of High-Performance Leadership.

00:01:22.460 So your two books have the word unstoppable in it.

00:01:26.580 So I imagine this book is a continuation of the first book.

00:01:30.100 Would that be a correct assumption?

00:01:32.300 That is.

00:01:33.280 Yeah, the actual Be Unstoppable ends with an introduction to the CARE acronym.

00:01:41.620 It's all about teaming up in the end of the last book.

00:01:45.420 And this one goes deep into building unstoppable teams.

00:01:49.880 And for those who aren't familiar with your background, you have a lot of experience working

00:01:55.880 with teams.

00:01:56.440 Can you talk a bit about your background and what got you to write about teamwork and things

00:02:00.280 like that?

00:02:01.340 Mm-hmm.

00:02:01.780 My first team experiences started in the sport of rowing, in particular, eight-ord rowing.

00:02:09.120 So eight people in a boat, right?

00:02:12.240 I like to think of that as one of the ultimate team sports where all eight of those blades have

00:02:17.700 got to get in the water at the same time.

00:02:19.880 I did eight years of that where I became the captain of the Navy Naval Academy heavyweight

00:02:26.980 crew.

00:02:27.740 And I went on a tryout for the Olympic team and sculling.

00:02:31.480 And then hung my oar up and joined SEAL team and became a Navy SEAL and led three SEAL

00:02:38.380 platoons over a seven-plus-year period.

00:02:42.740 And then I started building companies after business school.

00:02:47.460 Now, I've just totally shortened about 25 years there, but have been building companies

00:02:54.100 for the last few 20 years now.

00:02:58.120 And I've also done that within the community of building community action groups, leading

00:03:04.800 charity groups.

00:03:05.640 So I've had experiences in sport, in the military, in the civilian world, and also in the nonprofit

00:03:13.600 world.

00:03:14.300 And I think people have seen some of the companies you've helped build.

00:03:18.440 Perfect Push-Up is probably the most prominent one.

00:03:22.260 Yeah, without question.

00:03:23.400 It's Perfect Push-Up, right?

00:03:24.860 They don't even know Perfect Fitness.

00:03:26.560 But the irony of Perfect Push-Up, which was part of Perfect Fitness, is there were about

00:03:31.860 a hundred different products that we created over about a 13, 14-year period of time.

00:03:38.440 Of course, the company's still going today, but we sold the company, and I ended up leaving

00:03:43.560 it in 2015.

00:03:46.040 All right, so let's talk about digging into the book.

00:03:48.960 What I thought was interesting, before you started even talking about leading teams or being

00:03:53.200 a leader of other people, you started out talking about how you got to focus on leading

00:03:58.920 yourself first, and you give all these great examples from when you were trained to be

00:04:04.420 a SEAL.

00:04:05.240 How did you learn about the importance of working on yourself, taking care of yourself first,

00:04:09.640 leading yourself first before you can lead others while you were being a SEAL?

00:04:13.820 At the end of the day, building a team is about building relationships and creating all kinds

00:04:21.520 of different relationships with different personalities.

00:04:24.000 And when you start to create those relationships, the very first thing that you're going to

00:04:31.400 struggle with is your own self, and in particular, how authentic you're going to be.

00:04:38.240 Because if you look at the building of a relationship, it's completely dependent right out of the gate

00:04:44.240 on building trust.

00:04:46.700 And if you're not being authentic with yourself, people can read into that.

00:04:50.620 And they'll start to wonder, well, who am I really speaking with?

00:04:55.000 Am I speaking with the veneer of Alden, or is this really coming from his heart, and I

00:04:59.740 can trust him because I know who he is?

00:05:02.520 And understanding what I call the conversation inside of you is the first real step in your

00:05:11.820 ability to build unstoppable teams.

00:05:15.160 And what do you think is the biggest obstacle people have with that conversation that's going

00:05:18.980 on in themselves?

00:05:19.620 What prevents them from being authentic like you're talking about?

00:05:24.840 You know, I think we, especially men, we grow up with this idea that we've all got to have

00:05:31.940 this super tough shell on the outside of us, and it's all about being Mr. Macho.

00:05:38.860 When in fact, and I had this wonderful commanding officer of my first SEAL team, and he would

00:05:46.060 often tell me, Alden, only ever be as tough as the situation dictates.

00:05:52.360 And I love that thought process because that's a lot about leading and leading yourself in

00:05:58.200 particular.

00:05:58.700 We can be extraordinarily tough on ourselves and think we're some kind of tough guy when

00:06:04.100 actually people don't need to be that tough most of the time, right?

00:06:08.880 They need to let the situation dictate themselves.

00:06:11.980 And so for many of us, we grow up thinking we're somebody that we really aren't, or we're

00:06:17.940 trying to be somebody that's not really the fabric of who we were built to be.

00:06:22.940 And it takes a while for people to kind of peel back the layers of their onion and go,

00:06:27.780 you know what, actually, yeah, I like music, or I like to dance, or I like to do whatever

00:06:34.900 your thing is.

00:06:37.780 And it also takes a while to understand who you truly are as far as your unique superpower.

00:06:44.760 And I spend an entire chapter talking about understanding what's your gift.

00:06:51.060 What's the gift that you can do that you can bring to the table?

00:06:53.940 Because when you think about building a team, it's about unlocking everybody's superpower,

00:06:59.480 everybody's unique skill set to harness all of their capabilities and bring it all online

00:07:06.520 at the same time.

00:07:08.220 It's almost as if you've got eight rowers in a boat, and every blade represents a different

00:07:14.700 gift that is hitting that water, and we're all going in the same direction.

00:07:18.780 So, I mean, how do you go about figuring out what your strengths are as a leader?

00:07:24.960 Because that can be hard sometimes to get an objective view of yourself, because you're

00:07:28.940 inside your head, and you might think something's a strength, but it might not be, or you think

00:07:34.020 your strength is actually a weakness.

00:07:36.160 So how do you figure that out?

00:07:38.000 I do this drill in the book, and I base the drill off of land navigation that we would do

00:07:45.920 in SEAL training, and it's not unique to SEALs, but that's where I learned it, and it's called

00:07:53.180 triangulation.

00:07:54.780 And in triangulation, you need three points to get yourself into some semblance of a position

00:08:01.080 when you're out in land navigation, and you'd pick three stationary objects that are usually

00:08:07.140 on a map, and then you shoot these lines, and then you end up creating this little triangle

00:08:12.700 box on a map.

00:08:15.080 And the reason I offer that up is that it's pretty similar to what you want to do for a

00:08:21.180 simple way to find your strengths instead of going through an exhaustive testing process.

00:08:27.260 And the three immovable objects that I recommend people doing are finding three people from three 1.00

00:08:34.540 different communities that they trust.

00:08:36.960 First, an example, one could be in a family member that is close to you.

00:08:44.280 One could be a professional member that perhaps doesn't work on your team or maybe works as

00:08:50.760 a colleague in your organization.

00:08:54.840 And then the third one is a friend, somebody who sees you in a more social setting but has

00:09:00.000 a good feeling, has a good understanding of you, and ask them the question, if I were going

00:09:07.600 to save your life with the only one strength that I have, what would it be?

00:09:13.840 How would I do it?

00:09:15.900 And would somebody say, oh, you're such a motivator.

00:09:20.820 You'd inspire me to get out, and that's how you'd save my life.

00:09:24.520 Or you're a great writer.

00:09:26.140 Or you could write my way out of this.

00:09:28.640 Or you're really great at building consensus.

00:09:32.160 Whatever those things are.

00:09:33.760 But that gives you, you're after a verb.

00:09:37.060 You're after a verb of what your strength is.

00:09:40.100 Is it inspiring?

00:09:41.820 Is it communicating?

00:09:44.180 Is it listening?

00:09:45.860 And figure out what that strength is.

00:09:48.400 Because we all have a strength.

00:09:50.100 We're not built to do it all.

00:09:52.740 We're actually built to work with others.

00:09:56.140 We need each other to figure out ways to go and do something greater than any single

00:10:01.660 one of us could do by ourselves.

00:10:03.940 So it's a pretty natural process.

00:10:06.280 And you should feel very comfortable knowing, hey, newsflash, we're not perfect.

00:10:11.560 And what is that one thing that I can really bring to the table?

00:10:15.280 We all have that one thing.

00:10:17.540 So that triangulation process is a simple way to get yourself started to figuring out what

00:10:23.820 you're really good at.

00:10:25.440 I imagine you do the same thing for your weaknesses, too.

00:10:27.940 I can see I've had that experience where I thought something was a strength, but it's

00:10:33.300 actually a weakness.

00:10:34.680 But I had so much ego invested.

00:10:36.820 Like, no, I got to do this thing because that's what I'm supposed to do as a leader.

00:10:40.540 But it would have been better if I would have just recognized, no, that's not my strength.

00:10:44.020 I have a strength somewhere else.

00:10:45.340 I should focus on that.

00:10:47.140 You know, I couldn't agree with you more.

00:10:49.540 And the greatest teammates are the ones that can hold up the proverbial mirror to you and

00:10:56.100 say, this is actually what you're good at and what you're not good at.

00:11:00.260 And if you can be humble enough, which is a key component to being a leader, then you'll

00:11:08.380 be able to adapt and recognize where your true strength is and bring it to the forefront

00:11:16.660 and help build out an unstoppable team.

00:11:20.580 So besides figuring out what your strengths are and what your weaknesses are, one of the

00:11:23.700 other aspects of leading yourself is taking control over the things that you can control,

00:11:31.060 specifically your thoughts, your emotions, and your actions.

00:11:34.280 And you created this little formula to help yourself and other people to get a better grasp

00:11:41.160 of these things.

00:11:41.840 It's the focus, feel, act formula.

00:11:44.200 Can you walk us through that a little bit?

00:11:46.120 Yeah.

00:11:46.860 And I will tell you, there is a story that I associate it with, and it's with our first

00:11:54.560 phase SEAL instructor.

00:11:57.580 And he was a character.

00:11:59.600 He had his deep Southern accent and he had, his left butt cheek was blown off by a rocket

00:12:04.480 propelled grenade in Vietnam.

00:12:06.440 And he brought us all together before we were to take this final test.

00:12:12.080 And he told us, and this final test would allow us to class up and start SEAL training.

00:12:18.480 And I won't go through the whole story, but he was like, do you know what my job is?

00:12:24.500 My job is to create a conversation, a conversation between here, he's pointing at his head, and

00:12:32.900 here, he's pointing at his heart, a conversation that's going to lead you to determine how much

00:12:39.800 you're willing to pay.

00:12:41.560 And what he's talking about is how much are we willing to sacrifice to make it through

00:12:45.500 SEAL training.

00:12:46.420 He goes on and he talks about the fact that 80% of us only are thinking about being a SEAL

00:12:52.800 on a sunny day.

00:12:54.860 And sure enough, that little conversation that he gives us that went for about 10, 15 minutes

00:13:02.120 results in half the class not passing the test.

00:13:08.960 So we can start with 122 guys that are on average took two years to get there.

00:13:12.840 And 64 of them, seven weeks later, after a pre-phase training, fail a test that they could

00:13:21.500 have, that they had, they'd already passed three or four times before.

00:13:25.860 And the whole thing about SEAL training is getting yourself to focus on what's most important,

00:13:34.000 on the things that you can control.

00:13:35.540 And I call that conversation, the conversation between the whiner and the whisperer.

00:13:42.380 And the whiner is the thing in your head that's going back and forth, telling you what you

00:13:48.280 can't do because it's so much pain or getting you out of the comfort zone.

00:13:53.320 And the whiner is that feeling that's deep down in your heart saying, get up, try again.

00:13:59.680 Right?

00:14:00.140 The whisperer keeps going to you.

00:14:02.040 Come on, do it again. 0.85

00:14:03.060 Do it again, where the whiner is just looking for reasons for you to stay in the comfort 0.95

00:14:08.400 zone, to stay protected, to stay safe.

00:14:12.480 But the whisperer is like, no, you got to push.

00:14:14.540 You got to go beyond what you think you can because you're so much more capable than you

00:14:18.940 realize.

00:14:21.040 And the large majority of all SEAL training is getting you to focus and starting to appreciate

00:14:27.360 what you can and can't control.

00:14:28.880 And so the focus, feel, act is really that, focusing your mind, feeling your emotion of

00:14:38.780 why you're doing that in the first place, and then taking an action.

00:14:43.120 You see, at the end of the day, focus funnels your energy into taking an action.

00:14:48.220 And that's what the focus, feel, act formula is really all about.

00:14:53.620 And you gave this other great story from your time at Buds, where you almost got medically

00:14:59.940 cut because you had some issues with your lungs.

00:15:04.040 Yeah, that's true.

00:15:04.760 Are you asking me to tell that story?

00:15:12.260 Yeah.

00:15:12.520 I mean, tell that story.

00:15:13.240 I mean, this is an example of you using that sort of formula to help you overcome that.

00:15:18.740 So I'm not particularly proud of this, but I was diagnosed as an asthmatic at the ripe old

00:15:26.280 age of 12.

00:15:27.460 And by the time I showed up at Buds, it was 10 years later.

00:15:30.440 I was 22, and I had been taking asthma medication for 10 years.

00:15:35.200 I had been kind of squirreling it away in the Naval Academy.

00:15:40.580 And by the time I had gotten to Buds, I was pretty good at hiding, taking this pill.

00:15:47.020 And the pill was this Theodore medication that I had created this crutch in my head to realize

00:15:53.500 like, okay, I need that.

00:15:55.040 That will keep my lungs clear while I go through this.

00:15:57.680 What ends up happening in second phase, out on a three-mile swim, my lungs are filling

00:16:05.880 up with blood.

00:16:07.200 And I end up getting pulled out of the swim.

00:16:10.020 And they bring me into medical.

00:16:14.120 They take a bunch of blood tests.

00:16:16.260 I'm now removed from the class.

00:16:19.640 And they look at me, and they're like, you are taking some kind of medication.

00:16:24.960 What are you taking?

00:16:25.560 Hey, you're an asthmatic. 0.96

00:16:27.560 And I told them what I've been taking.

00:16:29.320 They're like, yep, you're out.

00:16:31.040 You're getting a medical drop.

00:16:32.280 And I said, you know what?

00:16:33.040 I'm really not asthmatic.

00:16:34.380 I've just been taking it because I thought it would help me get through the training and

00:16:39.400 keep my lungs clear.

00:16:41.900 We all look for a crutch of some sort when you're going through that.

00:16:46.340 And they said, we're giving you an out.

00:16:50.460 Don't you understand?

00:16:51.980 You made it through how week?

00:16:53.260 You're halfway through training.

00:16:54.540 You shouldn't have even made it this far.

00:16:57.280 Be proud of that.

00:16:58.560 You can go home with your head rung high that you got medically dropped.

00:17:02.620 You didn't quit.

00:17:03.800 And they were giving me all these reasons, these outs.

00:17:07.820 And there was this moment of like, wow, that's true.

00:17:11.700 I could do that.

00:17:12.540 Okay.

00:17:12.740 That's a way to get around that because I was really, I'd built up this, I'd built up

00:17:18.680 this wild outcome of having to go back to my hometown and tell these people that I quit

00:17:25.720 and they would go, I told you so.

00:17:27.560 I knew you couldn't have made it.

00:17:29.880 And what I ended up doing was telling them, you know what?

00:17:34.500 No, I'm going to take my chances.

00:17:36.920 I don't need this medication.

00:17:38.580 And they're like, oh, really?

00:17:39.520 Okay.

00:17:39.800 We're going to pull you out of the class.

00:17:41.200 We're going to put you through the methylcholine challenge.

00:17:43.280 We're going to ship you over to the San Diego Balboa Hospital, put you in a box, and we're

00:17:48.180 going to pump mist in there.

00:17:49.260 And we're going to watch your lungs freeze up.

00:17:52.300 Not a joyous moment.

00:17:53.980 And I ended up passing the test, but I also made the decision that I had to stop taking

00:18:00.040 that medication.

00:18:02.220 And I really ended up saying to myself, okay, if I can't make it through SEAL training without

00:18:09.080 this medication, then maybe this just wasn't meant to be.

00:18:11.580 But what I'm not going to do is focus on the fact that, oh, gee, I think my lungs are feeling

00:18:17.620 weaker today because I don't have the medication.

00:18:19.460 I flip the focus to focus just on taking the next steps, on taking the bigger breath, on

00:18:28.300 not focusing on the fact that, oh, I don't have that medication anymore.

00:18:34.660 And that would be an example.

00:18:36.420 And the other thing I built up was the whole element of what I call an outcome account.

00:18:41.820 And an outcome account helps you put into perspective your emotions.

00:18:45.700 And that's understanding three important things.

00:18:50.100 What's the outcome?

00:18:51.280 Who does it impact?

00:18:52.640 And how does that make you feel?

00:18:54.940 And I draw this T and it's in the book.

00:18:57.760 And there's a positive on one side and there's a negative on the other side.

00:19:01.720 And when you look at both sides of that equation, the positive, let's say, of making it through

00:19:07.240 SEAL training versus the negative of making it through SEAL training, which one motivates

00:19:12.460 you more, which one makes you feel more motivated to make it through.

00:19:17.240 I'll be honest with you.

00:19:18.540 It wasn't the positive.

00:19:20.300 I was more motivated in that particular case by the negative.

00:19:24.640 And I drew up all kinds of what I call outcome movies of what it would be like 40 years from

00:19:32.740 now, bouncing my grandkid on my knee and telling them, don't do what grandpa did.

00:19:39.900 Don't quit.

00:19:41.660 Keep going.

00:19:43.240 I did not want to be the star in that movie.

00:19:48.040 We're going to take a quick break for your words from our sponsors.

00:19:50.760 And now back to the show.

00:19:52.560 All right.

00:19:53.180 So by getting control, by leading yourself first, you're not in a position to lead others,

00:19:58.800 right?

00:19:59.000 No one wants to follow someone.

00:20:01.400 If you tell someone in your team, hey, this isn't a big deal.

00:20:04.780 Quit running around with your head's cut off.

00:20:08.220 If you're doing that, they're not going to pay attention to you and just ignore you.

00:20:11.880 So you got to lead yourself first.

00:20:13.960 Let's say, OK, that's under lockdown.

00:20:17.000 You're getting that.

00:20:17.920 It's in control.

00:20:18.880 You got that going.

00:20:20.080 Now you're in charge of a team.

00:20:21.140 Let's go into talking about this care loop you've created.

00:20:25.200 So the first part of the care loop is connect.

00:20:29.220 Right.

00:20:29.660 So what does that look like?

00:20:32.500 So I want to bring out the premise of the care loop first, Brett.

00:20:36.100 Sure.

00:20:36.340 And a really beautiful way to summarize the whole care loop, I'm going to give two quotations.

00:20:45.420 One is from President Teddy Roosevelt, who said, nobody cares how much you know until

00:20:51.020 they know how much you care.

00:20:52.740 That is a fantastic mantra, anybody taking over any kind of group of individuals, which most

00:20:59.480 things are groups of individuals, not teams.

00:21:02.580 And the second one, because it gets pretty touchy-feely here, is understanding that you

00:21:09.180 have to reach people emotionally, not just mentally.

00:21:13.260 And that's where that focus, feel, act formula is a key piece of this.

00:21:19.300 Like, you've got to have both your mental and emotional focus going on.

00:21:24.540 And the second quotation is from Abraham Lincoln, who would say, if you want to win a man to

00:21:31.520 your cause, you must first reach his heart, the great high road to his reason.

00:21:38.620 So here it is, you get two wonderful leaders a hundred years ago, and they're both saying

00:21:48.140 essentially the same thing.

00:21:50.380 How do you connect with people?

00:21:53.220 And they're saying, you got to connect by showing how much you care.

00:21:57.480 And so the care loop, and I specifically call out a loop because these four actions that we

00:22:02.580 talk about, connect, achieve, respect, empower, it's a never-ending cycle of showing

00:22:08.620 people, I've got your back.

00:22:11.660 Because the more you can show people that you care for them, and we're going to get into

00:22:16.400 this, but it's not about just being touchy-feely, warm and cuddly, and it's all unicorns and pink

00:22:23.520 bunnies.

00:22:24.620 It's about getting people to care so they will dare.

00:22:29.320 The more you care, the more they'll dare.

00:22:32.540 And the dare is pushing them beyond their horizon of what they thought their capabilities are.

00:22:38.620 So in the case of connect, which is the first portion of the loop, that's the first thing

00:22:44.940 that happens when you start interacting with others and think about, okay, we're going to

00:22:50.900 take this blob of humans called a group of individuals, and let's see if we can't form

00:22:58.460 this into a team to go get something accomplished.

00:23:02.880 Well, what's the point of connecting with somebody?

00:23:05.300 I mean, what's the true goal?

00:23:07.220 I think it's just to collaborate, do something with them together.

00:23:11.400 It is.

00:23:12.160 But the real goal of connecting with others in every process that we do, even if it were

00:23:19.000 just a handshake looking somebody in the eye for the first time, is to build a level of

00:23:23.520 trust.

00:23:24.520 Now, you're not going to build a lot of trust in 10 seconds, but over 10 days or over 10

00:23:29.200 weeks, you could really build some trust.

00:23:30.980 And the way your tools at your disposal to build that trust, which becomes the foundation

00:23:37.580 for people saying, you know what?

00:23:40.180 I think I'm going to give a little bit more to this group.

00:23:42.520 I like where we're going.

00:23:43.700 I trust this person.

00:23:45.240 I believe in what that person is saying because they're being authentic and they're being

00:23:49.220 consistent.

00:23:50.480 You have three tools.

00:23:51.580 You have your ability for communication, your commitment, and your credibility.

00:23:59.720 And those three C's there are the ones that give the integrity, your accountability, your

00:24:06.960 consistency, and showing how much you care about them.

00:24:11.020 And once you start to learn to build that trust rapidly and successfully, you can then

00:24:17.940 move to the next segment of the loop.

00:24:19.760 Well, let's dig into one of these three C's of the connection, particularly communication.

00:24:24.760 In your experience leading groups of people, what's the hardest thing about communication

00:24:30.100 to that group?

00:24:32.120 People blow off the importance of body language and tone.

00:24:36.780 If you were to look at communication, it's broken down into three components at its bare bones

00:24:43.300 basic.

00:24:43.760 You know, there have been studies out there and they would say communication is broken

00:24:49.380 into body language, which represents roughly 55% of communication.

00:24:54.860 When somebody comes up and looks at you, are you leaning in?

00:24:58.060 They're looking at your eyes.

00:24:59.480 Are you looking at them?

00:25:01.020 Are you using your hands?

00:25:02.820 Or are your arms crossed?

00:25:04.420 You're not getting up from your desk.

00:25:06.320 You're not even looking at them and your head's down saying, yeah, what can I help you with?

00:25:10.000 What do you want, right?

00:25:11.980 That immediately sets the tone for somebody coming into your office.

00:25:16.360 If you don't even greet them and get out from behind the obstacle that's between them called

00:25:21.020 a desk or your computer.

00:25:23.540 Tone, they say, represents 38% of somebody's communication.

00:25:28.180 And tone can show the inflection from, do I really care?

00:25:34.840 Or you're like, yeah, whatever.

00:25:36.720 And you're monotone through the whole thing.

00:25:39.020 I mean, you could imagine just somebody giving two different speeches, but one using vocal

00:25:43.100 variety and one just being monotone.

00:25:45.640 And they're just reading from a script.

00:25:47.820 I mean, which speaker would you be more interested in listening to?

00:25:51.360 Yeah, the one that's dynamic.

00:25:52.980 Exactly.

00:25:53.880 And that's exactly the same thing with people on a team.

00:25:57.580 And then the third piece are obviously the words, right?

00:26:01.520 And that comes down to about 7%.

00:26:03.560 Now, the rub on that is, okay, great.

00:26:06.460 I'm a great communicator, let's say.

00:26:08.680 But communication is only going to get you so far.

00:26:11.860 The next two pieces of it are your commitment and your credibility.

00:26:17.860 Under credibility, where's that fall?

00:26:19.900 Your competency.

00:26:21.040 Do you know what you're talking about?

00:26:22.460 Or are you willing to learn?

00:26:24.040 Are you willing to listen to others?

00:26:25.760 Your humility that comes in there?

00:26:28.460 Your commitment.

00:26:29.580 Are you going out first and foremost?

00:26:32.120 Are you asking people to do something that they know you'd be doing as well?

00:26:36.780 Are you rolling up your sleeves and getting in there first?

00:26:39.260 Are you setting that example?

00:26:41.260 Because remember, as a leader, you're going to have to take that first step over the care

00:26:48.000 bridge before somebody else starts saying, yeah, you know what?

00:26:51.460 Maybe I'll do a little care back.

00:26:54.980 And on that note, we are all built to reciprocate with care.

00:27:00.700 If you were to walk through a door of a store and somebody is right behind you, you hold that

00:27:08.760 door for that somebody, 99 out of 100 times that somebody will then look behind over their

00:27:14.820 shoulder and see if they should hold the door for somebody else.

00:27:17.420 But if you didn't hold that door, they'd probably just walk through and not think anything of

00:27:22.900 it.

00:27:23.080 Some people will just blow it off.

00:27:24.460 You know, they're living in New York City.

00:27:25.920 They're just kind of used to doing that.

00:27:27.780 But on average, that's the kind of, and it's a super simple example, but we reciprocate with

00:27:36.060 care.

00:27:36.540 We're wired to do that.

00:27:38.400 Unless, of course, we're psychopaths and our amygdala and our brain isn't firing.

00:27:43.420 We don't register emotion.

00:27:45.240 But for everybody else, we reciprocate with care.

00:27:49.080 And the reciprocity of care goes through these actions of connect, achieve, respect, and empower.

00:27:57.340 Well, let's talk about that second part, achieve.

00:27:59.420 And you say there are five A's to achievement.

00:28:02.040 And so why is it achieve a part of this care aspect?

00:28:05.860 And then walk us through those five A's or some of them and how that looks when you're

00:28:10.600 trying to develop that with your team.

00:28:13.240 So remember, and I dedicate another chapter at the end of the book to talk about the phases

00:28:21.400 of going from a group of uninformed individuals up to an unstoppable team.

00:28:28.800 The whole idea of building a team is to accomplish something.

00:28:35.700 That's the whole thing of why we're building a team in the first place.

00:28:39.220 Are we trying to put a man on the moon?

00:28:40.980 Are we trying to build an electric car?

00:28:42.880 Are we trying to save the whales, cure cancer?

00:28:45.820 You call it out.

00:28:46.940 Whatever it is, something where you need a lot of horsepower, a lot of manpower, a lot of

00:28:51.960 female power to get this across the finish line, to do something above and beyond what 1.00

00:28:57.340 no individual could do by themselves.

00:29:00.080 So achieving is the natural piece of it.

00:29:02.080 But okay, so we're saying now, okay, great.

00:29:05.480 We built this trust.

00:29:06.900 Where are we going?

00:29:08.220 And of course, it doesn't happen so sequentially.

00:29:10.480 A lot of times, like, hey, I'm Alden Mills and I'm building this team and I'm trying to

00:29:15.820 create a next generation healthcare company.

00:29:18.060 Oh, really?

00:29:18.600 What's that all about?

00:29:20.140 So what am I doing?

00:29:20.960 When I've introduced myself, we're starting to get to know each other, but I've also told

00:29:24.780 them very consistently, I want to bring this next generation healthcare company.

00:29:29.220 Achieving is setting direction.

00:29:30.940 That's the goal.

00:29:32.800 And the next generation healthcare company was basically the calling card for building out

00:29:37.400 perfect fitness.

00:29:38.260 We didn't even think of ourselves as a fitness company.

00:29:40.800 We thought of ourselves as a place where people could help take control of their bodies

00:29:46.260 so they could take control of their lives.

00:29:47.740 And we thought of that as a next generation healthcare company.

00:29:51.700 And I maintained consistency for 15 years talking about that's where we're achieving.

00:29:57.240 Now, that's a long-term goal.

00:30:00.000 How are we going to do it?

00:30:01.480 There are five different, you know, and I want to be careful to not let people think of

00:30:06.660 like, okay, first I do this step and then I do this step.

00:30:09.440 A lot of these things build upon each other and they happen sometimes naturally.

00:30:13.920 And sometimes you've got to remind yourself, oh, I got to set this direction.

00:30:18.320 But as you go through this, one of the key elements of the five A's, and if you haven't

00:30:24.800 figured it out, you know, I like using the English language as memory aids.

00:30:29.120 I like the military acronyms because they're super simple to remember because I want people

00:30:34.720 to remember these things, I don't want to make it complicated for them, is understanding

00:30:39.300 that you have to assume that people can do the job.

00:30:44.540 If they've gotten through your hiring process, take a step back for a minute and let them attempt

00:30:53.060 to do the job.

00:30:54.160 Now you're going to have another A in there called assessing and assessing is this ability

00:31:01.120 to check in, you know, weekly, monthly on what's going great, what's not going great.

00:31:08.620 And, you know, the first day that I kind of skipped over, but I was building on was you're

00:31:13.500 aspiring, you're, you're constantly inspiring people to say, this is where we're going.

00:31:18.880 And then you assume, and then you assess, and then you have to appreciate what's going

00:31:25.980 on, not just inside the team, but outside the team.

00:31:30.100 And I don't just mean appreciate them like, hey, you did a great job today.

00:31:34.000 Appreciate the efforts in their struggles internally and externally on how that's going.

00:31:40.620 What does that look like?

00:31:41.300 What's the difference between like internally and externally?

00:31:43.200 Like what would be an example of internal appreciation as opposed to external appreciation?

00:31:47.000 One of the key things that people kind of forget about is that let's say you're coming into

00:31:52.000 work, people have lives outside of work and actually a large majority of their life is

00:32:00.060 outside of work.

00:32:01.980 And so if you're not taking the time to understand what are these people, what's going on at work

00:32:09.880 or at home for them?

00:32:11.360 Are they a single parent?

00:32:12.760 Are they dealing with something that is keeping them up at night?

00:32:17.160 Or maybe they're really distracted at three o'clock in the afternoon when you're trying

00:32:21.640 to have a meeting and they're on a phone and you're like, hey, what's going on here?

00:32:25.860 And that single parent looks at you and said, oh, I'm sorry.

00:32:28.520 I just, I need to know if my kids are getting picked up or not.

00:32:32.380 And at that point, you're like, you know what?

00:32:35.020 We don't have to do meetings at three o'clock.

00:32:36.680 Let's do them at one o'clock.

00:32:38.380 And we'll, you take care of dealing with that.

00:32:41.280 If you were to do something just as simple as that, do you know how much of a change

00:32:46.140 that is for somebody who's like, oh my God, that person really cared about me and what's

00:32:51.060 going on at home.

00:32:52.340 They're going to spend more time trying to help you out.

00:32:56.600 Right?

00:32:57.940 Yeah.

00:32:58.200 No, for sure.

00:32:59.080 And the other piece of this, and this is, I did this with every SEAL platoon.

00:33:03.020 I did it with everybody that was a direct report in any of the businesses that I've built or

00:33:09.840 worked with is understanding their one, three, and five-year goals.

00:33:15.260 I want to know what they're thinking about.

00:33:16.840 I want to know what they're striving for.

00:33:18.660 I would ask them even in the interview process, hey, so where do you want to be in five years?

00:33:24.120 I wouldn't go through all one, three, and five in a five-year process, but I want to be

00:33:28.380 a part of showing them I'm here to help you.

00:33:31.660 I'm actually here to serve you.

00:33:34.460 You know, you'll see many times in the book, I will talk about to lead is to serve and to

00:33:40.900 serve is to care.

00:33:42.960 And another key piece of the achievement process is there are going to be times where people

00:33:48.900 fail.

00:33:49.820 They're going to fail miserably.

00:33:51.400 And that other A is assuring them that we're making this progress, showing them we made this

00:33:58.140 progress, picking them back up to have them keep going.

00:34:01.660 Because we're all human, we will all make mistakes, and building out a team where everybody

00:34:07.120 has your back is the quintessential component to creating a high-performance team.

00:34:13.620 I love that.

00:34:14.600 But yeah, I've noticed the appreciate part is something whenever I've been in groups and

00:34:19.120 there's been a leader that goes out of their way to show their appreciation in the ways that

00:34:24.020 you talked about as well, sort of the subtle ways that you overlook.

00:34:26.920 Like, yeah, it does motivate you more to work for them.

00:34:31.460 And I think that you talk about this in the book too.

00:34:33.640 There's studies showing that most people at work today, they feel disengaged with their

00:34:38.480 work.

00:34:39.680 And they'd rather, and they've done studies where they'd say people say they would rather

00:34:42.660 have just someone say that you're doing a great job as opposed to more money.

00:34:46.660 People want to feel like what they're doing matters.

00:34:49.220 Without question and understanding, you know, I use an example that's probably been used quite

00:34:56.800 a bit over the years, but President Kennedy walking through the halls of NASA, inspecting

00:35:02.740 it back in 1962.

00:35:04.080 And he goes up to this young man who's a janitor, he's mopping the floor, and he looks at the

00:35:09.640 janitor and he goes, hey, tell me, what are you doing?

00:35:13.720 And the janitor looks up and he goes, oh, hello, Mr. President, I'm helping put a man

00:35:18.700 on the moon.

00:35:21.060 Leaders will connect a purpose all the way up and down the chain where everybody feels

00:35:31.000 like they're a part of the team.

00:35:33.940 And again, it's that emotional connection.

00:35:35.840 Like you're not trying to get people intellectually, you're trying to get to them emotionally.

00:35:41.040 Correct.

00:35:41.600 Okay, well, let's move on to that next part of the care loop, which is respect.

00:35:45.920 How can we show respect as leaders of teams?

00:35:49.760 Most groups get to the high functioning group with just connect and achieve.

00:35:55.580 That's where it ends, right there.

00:35:57.860 The third piece starts to transition you from a group to a team, and that's respect.

00:36:04.600 And it's not respect in the kind of gangster form of, oh, man, you got to respect me.

00:36:12.880 Or the CEO that walks in and goes, well, I'm the CEO now, so you must, you know, you do what

00:36:18.260 I say.

00:36:19.060 You work for me.

00:36:21.420 No, respect.

00:36:22.720 And the goal of respect is actual mutual respect.

00:36:26.560 And its goal is for contribution.

00:36:29.780 The whole idea of creating a mutually respectful environment is everyone has the courage and

00:36:39.000 interest to raise their hand and say, I have a better idea.

00:36:42.820 That's the real goal of respect, is to get contributors contributing.

00:36:49.340 But they're not going to do it if they don't feel that their point of view, their idea will

00:36:56.200 even be heard, let alone respected enough to say, well, let's check that out.

00:37:01.000 That might be the solution to our problems.

00:37:03.560 And a lot of leaders forget that you can get respect one of two ways, but there's only

00:37:12.140 one that matters.

00:37:14.680 The first way is through authority, a position of authority.

00:37:19.600 You've just been promoted to VP.

00:37:21.420 Congratulations.

00:37:22.500 Or you've made the C level.

00:37:24.300 Oh, now you got lots of respect, right?

00:37:28.440 No, maybe for 10 seconds, 10 minutes, maybe for some underling.

00:37:33.420 Who doesn't know you from Adam, but sees the word C in front of your name as the title.

00:37:38.600 Like, oh, I need to respect that person.

00:37:40.500 But the moment you start opening your mouth, moving your body, making these decisions, they're

00:37:47.420 going to make a decision if they really respect you on your actions.

00:37:50.860 Authority or actions, you want actions for respect.

00:37:54.960 And then the next piece is recognizing that.

00:37:57.640 Well, I was going to say, you talk about sort of this daikon between authority and actions

00:38:01.660 by talking about leading volunteers.

00:38:04.580 I know in my experience, firsthand, when I'm leading a team of volunteers for like a non-profit

00:38:09.720 or it's a church or like a civic group, like the way you lead is a lot different because

00:38:15.820 you realize these people are just volunteers.

00:38:17.580 Like they don't have to be here.

00:38:19.140 They can, you know, they're, they're taking away time from their family, from their personal

00:38:23.380 time to be here.

00:38:24.320 So I got to be very respectful and like show that I'm in on this together, that I don't

00:38:28.860 think I'm better than them, that I'm going to do the world on my sleeves and do the work.

00:38:32.300 But you, you also, you make the point that when at a job, like people don't have to be

00:38:35.920 at the job either, or they can just quit.

00:38:38.260 They don't need the job.

00:38:40.060 So why not lead the same way as you would lead a group of adults or kids at a Boy Scout troop,

00:38:45.880 the same way you'd lead at your, your workplace?

00:38:49.720 I couldn't agree with you more.

00:38:51.020 And that's what we talk about in the book is leading as if they were all volunteers.

00:38:55.780 And it's certainly in this high employment rate that we have, everybody's a volunteer,

00:39:03.300 right?

00:39:04.920 It's the same thing in SEAL team.

00:39:06.560 We're all volunteers.

00:39:08.380 I've watched SEALs go, you know what?

00:39:10.780 I'm done.

00:39:11.900 I don't want to do this mission.

00:39:13.820 Take their Trident off.

00:39:14.740 And, and leave all of special forces.

00:39:19.040 Everybody in the military is a volunteer.

00:39:21.580 Now they may have some obligations to continue to serve, but they don't have to continue to

00:39:26.680 serve on the front line.

00:39:27.880 Of course, you want them to make that decision before you're out in the battlefield.

00:39:31.640 But the same thing goes when you're talking about working in a community action group or

00:39:36.360 with your church or your school, they're, they're all volunteers too.

00:39:40.300 They're doing it because they're emotionally driven to be a part of something.

00:39:44.740 That they think is important to them.

00:39:47.880 It's the same thing at work.

00:39:49.960 And if somebody is just skipping around from one place to the next, it's because they're

00:39:54.360 not emotionally connected.

00:39:55.920 They're only mentally connected.

00:39:57.760 And they think, well, it's just my bank account.

00:39:59.680 I'll just work with that.

00:40:00.560 But the moment you create a team and make them feel part of a tribe, make them feel like

00:40:05.800 they're part of a family, it doesn't really matter how much you pay them or what kind

00:40:12.240 of benefits you offer.

00:40:13.200 The greatest benefits they have are being emotionally part of a family, a team, a tribe.

00:40:20.880 Another part of this respect part of the care loop that you talk about is when people on

00:40:26.100 your team mess up, that can be an uncomfortable situation for both the leader and the lead

00:40:30.540 because like no one, it's just an uncomfortable thing.

00:40:32.620 But you said that should actually, it shouldn't be that way.

00:40:35.000 And as a leader, you have the responsibility to show respect and create that culture of respect

00:40:40.940 so that when someone messes up, instead of it being a moment of just like making them

00:40:44.980 feel terrible, you use it as a moment where everyone learns together.

00:40:50.500 And then you walk through like these three questions that you can sort of use on the fly

00:40:54.960 as you're dealing with that situation.

00:40:56.280 Can you talk about that a bit?

00:40:57.580 Yeah.

00:40:58.300 So let me just say, I use a couple of really great examples.

00:41:04.160 I mean, I was fired up about Boston Children's Hospital that I spent some time with and they

00:41:11.560 spend a massive amount of their time.

00:41:14.320 By the way, this is a hospital that has won top hospital, pediatric hospital for like 30

00:41:21.080 years in a row.

00:41:22.620 Eight out of 10 of their divisions have ranked in the top two out of the top 10.

00:41:28.480 I mean, they're just, it's a remarkable place.

00:41:30.480 And what they do is they create such an area of respect that anybody and everybody is encouraged

00:41:38.740 to raise their hand and say, I've made a mistake.

00:41:43.220 And that's the whole key of respect is getting people to willingly raise their hand and say,

00:41:51.680 I've made a mistake.

00:41:53.520 Here's what happened.

00:41:55.080 This is what I was trying to achieve.

00:41:58.240 And here's what I'm going to do about it.

00:42:00.460 Those are the questions.

00:42:02.720 And the more you can get people to self-appoint themselves, you know, to self-describe like,

00:42:08.780 hey, I made this mistake or self-report, I've made this mistake.

00:42:14.280 And this is what I was trying to do.

00:42:15.760 This is what happened.

00:42:17.860 And here's what I'm going to do about it.

00:42:20.120 Then it's not a mistake anymore, right?

00:42:22.700 We've learned from it and we're great.

00:42:25.620 You know, in SEAL Team, we would say, if you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.

00:42:32.080 And we also use this other term all the time, this saying, the more you sweat in peace,

00:42:37.540 the less you bleed in war.

00:42:39.940 Same thing with launching a product.

00:42:41.920 Same thing with building a world, beating new idea and bringing it to reality.

00:42:47.240 You got to work your ass off and you're going to make a whole bunch of mistakes, right?

00:42:53.600 You've heard that term before.

00:42:55.200 Let's fail fast, but let's fail fast and know why we failed and let's try it a different way.

00:43:02.520 And no one should be ashamed.

00:43:04.460 If they're feeling ashamed of making the mistake, then you don't have enough respect built into

00:43:09.260 the equation. 0.98

00:43:09.940 And the first person that should be raising their hand to saying, oh, look at this dumb 0.62

00:43:15.760 mistake I just made is who? 0.90

00:43:18.060 The leader.

00:43:18.780 Amen.

00:43:19.380 And what I love about these three questions, so we've been talking about how as a leader,

00:43:23.120 you're supposed to connect with the emotions.

00:43:26.300 But these three questions, they're interesting because they actually diffuse those negative

00:43:31.040 emotions.

00:43:31.620 It gets you out of those negative emotions.

00:43:33.700 We can start making you think irrationally and cause you to make more mistakes.

00:43:37.460 And by just asking these three questions, like what happened?

00:43:40.500 What were you trying to achieve?

00:43:42.200 What were you going to do about it?

00:43:43.220 It sort of just takes out the emotion completely.

00:43:45.940 So you make better decisions.

00:43:47.540 And the interesting thing is by intellectualizing the mistake process, you actually can connect

00:43:51.900 more with the people you lead on an emotional level.

00:43:55.100 Exactly.

00:43:55.940 And let's not forget, that's great that you had that conversation with that one person,

00:44:01.160 but people should feel really comfortable to spread that word.

00:44:04.740 Hey, this is what I was trying to do.

00:44:06.160 This is what happened, and here's what I'm going to do about it.

00:44:09.900 And let people know, because the whole idea is to try and reduce the number of mistakes

00:44:16.280 that are made, or at least repeat mistakes.

00:44:20.100 That's what we don't want to have happen.

00:44:22.280 Keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

00:44:26.020 Well, let's talk about that last part of the care loop, the E, which is empower.

00:44:29.780 What do you mean by empowering those you lead?

00:44:32.720 So at the end of the day, that completes the loop.

00:44:36.200 When you get to empowering, that means we're building and getting people to think like

00:44:41.480 owners.

00:44:42.560 The whole goal of empowering somebody is getting them to saying, I own this.

00:44:48.920 This is all about me.

00:44:51.280 I'm taking responsibility.

00:44:53.320 And of course, empowering also means you're giving them the authority and the responsibility

00:44:58.120 together.

00:44:58.900 You don't want to give them the responsibility and not the authority.

00:45:02.920 And here's the irony of empowering.

00:45:05.900 Here it is.

00:45:07.000 You've just gotten your promotion to that level that you've been working at for five years

00:45:12.020 or whatever that new milestone is.

00:45:14.700 And then you're going to spend the rest of your time at that new senior level of power, giving

00:45:24.940 it away thoughtfully.

00:45:27.460 But that's what you're really doing.

00:45:30.040 Yes, I'm now the CEO.

00:45:32.580 Well, that's terrific.

00:45:33.660 Now give it all away and give it all away.

00:45:37.080 And what I mean by that is raise everybody else up.

00:45:40.580 Because when you start to do that and really empower people through what I call a surprise,

00:45:46.820 three E's, through educating, enabling, and engaging with them and helping them succeed,

00:45:54.500 then they're going to give you the best power back.

00:45:59.380 And that power is gratitude.

00:46:00.720 They're going to be so grateful that you helped them succeed, that they are only going to help

00:46:09.280 you succeed more.

00:46:11.420 But you'll just keep giving.

00:46:13.800 You'll keep empowering.

00:46:15.220 You'll keep empowering by enclosing the experience gap, by saying, hey, here's what I've learned.

00:46:20.140 I want you to stand on my shoulders and go beyond what I was able to do.

00:46:24.140 And what will happen during this team process is that people will spin out of the team, right?

00:46:29.200 Every year you look at a sports team.

00:46:32.200 It's not the same team most of the time as it was the year before.

00:46:36.400 Some people will spin out.

00:46:37.980 Others will come on.

00:46:39.020 But a lot of people will spin out into different teams within your organization.

00:46:42.980 But they'll take that care loop and it will start all over again.

00:46:46.580 They'll spin out after they've been empowered.

00:46:48.620 They've succeeded.

00:46:49.440 And they're like, oh, we did this.

00:46:50.960 This is great.

00:46:51.460 Right now, they're going to go out and they're going to start connecting with new people.

00:46:55.280 They'll start achieving, building respect, empowering them.

00:46:58.620 And the loop just keeps going.

00:47:00.820 I love this.

00:47:01.220 And I want to reiterate the point that you've made throughout the book.

00:47:03.520 This isn't just like a linear step-by-step thing that you're going.

00:47:07.480 First, you do connect and then achieve.

00:47:09.260 This is going on all at the same time in a perpetual cycle.

00:47:13.800 So don't think of it as a line.

00:47:15.820 Think of it as a circle.

00:47:16.960 And important to note, this isn't a clean process.

00:47:22.940 This is human emotion.

00:47:25.240 This is building relationships.

00:47:28.460 Relationships where there is such a high level of trust that they will be willing to dare greatly.

00:47:35.260 And that is like sausage making, right?

00:47:38.080 It's messy.

00:47:39.040 It's not perfect.

00:47:40.240 This is very imperfect.

00:47:41.720 But what I'm doing is offering up this framework, these guidelines, these actions to say, hey, here are the fundamentals.

00:47:50.120 You'll adapt them to make them your way, to do it your authentic way.

00:47:54.900 But don't ever forget, it will still always be based.

00:47:58.920 The team is nothing more than a reflection of its leader.

00:48:01.980 So be true to yourself because faking it can get really exhausting over time.

00:48:07.940 And they'll see through it anyhow.

00:48:10.240 Well, Alden, where can people go to learn more about the book and your work?

00:48:13.300 They can find me on my website at alden, A-L-D-E-N hyphen mills, M-I-L-L-S dot com.

00:48:21.380 That's alden dash mills dot com.

00:48:24.560 And they can find unstoppable teams at pretty much all your local bookstores and amazon.com.

00:48:31.020 Well, Alden Mills, thanks for your time.

00:48:33.100 It's been a pleasure.

00:48:34.180 It's been an honor.

00:48:35.100 Keep inspiring.

00:48:36.440 I love it, Brett.

00:48:37.820 Will do.

00:48:38.460 Thank you.

00:48:39.440 My guest there is Alden Mills.

00:48:40.540 He's the author of the book Unstoppable Teams.

00:48:42.940 It's available on amazon.com and bookstores everywhere.

00:48:45.320 You can find out more information about his work at his website, alden dash mills dot com.

00:48:49.520 Also check out our show notes at A-L-D-E-N hyphen dot com slash unstoppable teams.

00:48:53.620 You can find links to resources.

00:48:54.940 We can delve deeper into this topic.

00:49:01.020 Well, that wraps up another edition of the A-L-D-E-N podcast.

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00:49:57.300 A-L-D-E-N podcast, this is Brett McKay.

The Art of Manliness - June 12, 2019

#516： How to Lead an Unstoppable Team

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