The Art of Manliness - #566： How to Have a Hyggely Christmas and a More Memorable New Year

00:00:00.000 Brett McKay here and welcome to another edition of the Art of Manliness podcast. The holiday

00:00:14.780 season is upon us. It's time for getting cozy, making memories and looking forward to the

00:00:19.760 new year ahead. And my guest today has plenty of research backed insights on how to take

00:00:23.640 each of those things to the next level. His name is Mike Viking and he's the CEO of the

00:00:27.320 Happiness Research Institute and the author of The Little Book of Hygge, Danish Secrets

00:00:31.040 to Happy Living, as well as The Art of Making Memories, How to Create and Remember Happy

00:00:35.140 Moments. We begin our discussion exploring the Danish concept of hygge, which is the art

00:00:38.880 of getting cozy and how it helps Danes survive their long, harsh winters. Mike also discusses

00:00:43.340 his research on how to create lasting memories. We then combine these two ideas to explore

00:00:47.540 how lighting, food, scent, and more can help you inject more hygge into the holiday season

00:00:52.060 and make Christmas in the coming year your most memorable yet. You'll want to grab a hot

00:00:56.160 cocoa and wrap yourself in a blanket, sit in front of a roaring fire, cozy up before listening

00:01:00.140 to the show. After it's over, check out our show notes at aom.is slash cozy.

00:01:14.180 All right, Mike Viking, welcome to the show.

00:01:17.180 Thank you.

00:01:18.160 So you are the CEO of the Happiness Research Institute and author of two books that I really

00:01:23.160 enjoyed. The first one is The Little Book of Hygge, Danish Secrets to Happy Living, and

00:01:27.600 The Art of Making Memories. So how did a guy with the name of Mike Viking end up being the

00:01:33.340 CEO of the Happiness Research Institute and writing about happiness?

00:01:40.340 You start to wonder why is it that Denmark often do well in all these happiness rankings

00:01:47.260 and you think there should be somebody trying to explore this and there should be somebody

00:01:52.160 setting up a think tank on happiness in Denmark. And then you think maybe I should do that.

00:01:58.580 So that was seven years ago. And we work on well-being, happiness, quality of life, trying

00:02:06.140 to look at happiness from a scientific perspective. I know the Happiness Research Institute sounds like

00:02:13.100 a magical place. And people imagine that all we do all day is look at puppies and eat ice cream.

00:02:18.540 But really we've got a lot of data and studies and evidence.

00:02:22.500 So let's talk about this concept of hygge. I wasn't aware of this until I think maybe two years ago.

00:02:27.920 And then all of a sudden, I saw it popping up in the media, in social media posts here in the United

00:02:34.100 States. What is hygge? What does it mean? And what does it mean to Danes in particular?

00:02:38.420 So I think the best short definition of hygge is the art of creating a nice atmosphere.

00:02:46.180 So it's moments where we enjoy simple pleasures in life, a sense of togetherness, a sense of

00:02:54.000 relaxation. And of course, that happens everywhere around the world. But what is uniquely Danish is

00:03:01.020 that we have a word that describes that situation. And secondly, also, I think that we see it as part of

00:03:07.620 our sort of cultural DNA, perhaps a little bit the same way that Americans see freedom as inherently

00:03:15.220 American. Danes will see hygge as inherently Danish.

00:03:19.600 And for me, when I think of hygge, it's always like, for me, the translation, the way I think

00:03:24.220 about it in my brain is coziness, right? That atmosphere that's cozy. So, I mean, do other cultures

00:03:30.220 like over in Scandinavian countries, they also have a concept similar to hygge?

00:03:34.100 I think the closest is probably the Netherlands. For the south, they have a word in Dutch called

00:03:42.500 cheselichat, which I think is the one language that comes closest to having a similar word to

00:03:50.220 hygge. 0.99

00:03:50.760 So what are the components? Like when a Dane says, I'm going to have a hygge night or hygge day, 0.99

00:03:56.460 like what elements are there to make that happen?

00:04:00.820 So I think it's perhaps best explained with an example. So a few years ago, I was in Sweden with

00:04:08.520 some friends. And it was December and we had been out hiking in the afternoon and came back inside.

00:04:16.240 And we got a fire going in the fireplace. And we also had a stew boiling on the stove. And those

00:04:22.740 were sort of the sounds you could hear. And we were just, you know, kicking back, relaxing,

00:04:28.920 sipping some wine. And one of my friends said, then, you know, could this be any more hygge-ly?

00:04:35.040 And then one of the girls said, yes, if there was a storm outside, because hygge is also this feeling

00:04:39.360 of being sheltered from the outside. So I think that exemplifies what hygge is or how it should feel.

00:04:46.340 So I think also some Americans pronounce it huggy. And I think we should all switch to that because

00:04:51.960 that is actually, you know, sort of the essence of what it should feel like, like a good hug.

00:04:57.820 Well, I thought it was interesting, this sort of contrast you need for hygge is that typically

00:05:04.300 it comes after like exerting yourself, right? You feel more hygge when there's like more adverse,

00:05:09.900 like if there's a bad storm outside, if it's snowing outside, or you've worked really hard that day,

00:05:15.640 then you can just feel super relaxed and super, like you can put your hair down.

00:05:20.360 Yeah, I think that's part of it. And also, I think Danes use it as a survival strategy for winter.

00:05:26.900 You know, we do have summers in Denmark, it's four lovely hours, and then it's back to winter again.

00:05:32.600 But so we have long, dark, cold winters. And Danes, I think, use hygge to get through those.

00:05:40.480 So being indoors with your good friends, having some nice food, lighting up some candles,

00:05:46.700 and sort of taking it slow indoor. I think that's how we get through winter.

00:05:51.600 So your latest book is The Art of Making Memories. What's the connection between hygge and making 0.99

00:05:55.600 memories, do you think?

00:05:56.840 Well, I think both comes down to also being present at the current moment. And I think the main message

00:06:06.480 of the new book is that we can actually influence what we and our friends and our family remember

00:06:13.160 and become sort of memory architects. And I think, you know, I spoke recently to a Polish woman who had

00:06:21.300 read the book, and she was reminded of a time when she was about eight years old, and she was having

00:06:26.540 dinner with her mom and her sister. And they're having a good time, they're laughing, they're feeling

00:06:31.980 happy. And then her mother says to them, I hope you remember this moment. And here we are 30 years

00:06:38.040 later, she still remembers that moment, because the mother made her pay attention to it. And I think

00:06:43.040 that's a very sort of simple, but very effective tool in terms of making memories or ensuring that

00:06:49.020 people remember certain things. Of course, it's also a tool that can be overused, because if you every

00:06:54.440 time you sit down with your kids say, I hope you remember this moment, they're going to tell you to

00:06:58.420 shut up. But but used every once in a while, I think it's really powerful. And it's it's also a

00:07:04.280 tool of hygge. You know, you'll notice how hygge this is, notice how much we're actually enjoying

00:07:10.500 this moment. Danes have a habit of calling out hygge when when they feel it. 0.99

00:07:16.080 Well, you talked about too, in the art of making memories is idea of nostalgia. And nostalgia is a

00:07:20.520 weird emotion, because you both you feel both happy and sad at the same time, sort of a longing for

00:07:27.840 that time. And yeah, for me in my life, I when I think of like memorable and nostalgic moments,

00:07:33.160 it's kind of got that hygge feeling to it. It's cozy. I'm with my family at Thanksgiving in my

00:07:39.140 grandpa's ranch in New Mexico, smelling pinion wood burning in his wood burning stove, and pancakes.

00:07:47.320 Nice.

00:07:47.540 It's nostalgic, and it's cozy as well at the same time.

00:07:50.040 Yeah. Yeah, you're right. It's one of the more interesting emotions, because it has

00:07:54.840 complexity to it that we don't see with with some of the other emotions. And it is bittersweet.

00:08:00.700 But it's interesting what you mentioned about your your grandfather's ranch and that, you know,

00:08:06.940 part of the memory is the scent, the smell of the wood burning. Because that's also also one of the

00:08:14.020 patterns in why we remember some things, we remember things through association. So perhaps today,

00:08:21.940 if you smell wood burning, you would be reminded of your grandfather's ranch in New Mexico.

00:08:28.580 I do. Every time I smell pinion wood, that's what I think of, I go immediately to that. And your

00:08:33.240 institute has done research on nostalgia, that when someone's going through a hard time, they're feeling

00:08:39.020 down, feeling nostalgic, thinking about a good time in the past can actually boost their happiness,

00:08:45.500 boost their mood.

00:08:46.060 Yeah. So we see that people use happy memories as a sort of happiness bank. So when we're feeling

00:08:53.600 down, when we're feeling sad or lonely or sort of negative emotions, we use happy memories to

00:09:01.320 counteract those feelings. And we can see overall, people who are able to retrieve happy memories are

00:09:07.980 happier overall. And what we also see is one of the things that people struggle with when they are

00:09:13.940 living with depression is, of course, they are feeling unhappy right now, but they actually also

00:09:19.080 have trouble remembering any time in the past they were happy. So hopefully, with this book, we can

00:09:26.680 also help people retrieve some of the happy memories they have experienced in the past.

00:09:32.060 So what does the research say about how to make memories last and be more meaningful? So you

00:09:37.520 mentioned association, right? So we associate sense, but anything else that the research has found?

00:09:42.820 Yeah, it's really interesting to see when we look and talk with people who are 100 years old and ask

00:09:52.280 them about their life stories and ask them about their memories. There is a huge bump around 15 to 30 years

00:10:00.620 old. So we have a lot of our memories from that period in life. And one of the reasons for that is that

00:10:08.020 it's that period in life, we have a lot of first experiences. So, you know, first job, first apartment,

00:10:14.480 perhaps first car, first kiss. Mine was with Christy Lee, I was 16, and she was an Australian girl.

00:10:21.260 Whereas in our 40s and our 50s, we don't have so many first experiences. And first experiences just stick

00:10:27.920 better to memory. And that's also one of the reasons why we can feel or experience that life seems to

00:10:34.660 speed up as we get older. And so, so I think one of the ways to ensure that sort of time slows down,

00:10:43.340 and we sort of create more meaningful, memorable moments, also in our 40s and our 50s, is, of course, to

00:10:49.740 seek out new experiences. And that can be, of course, traveling to destinations we haven't been before, but it

00:10:55.860 can also be new experiences in a gastronomical sense. So trying out new food we haven't tried before.

00:11:02.060 So novelty is a powerful memory-making tool, doing new things.

00:11:05.880 Exactly.

00:11:06.820 I mean, how do you inject novelty into Hugo? Because whenever I think of Hugo, I think of like,

00:11:11.160 just like you're doing the same thing. You're in your house, you're wearing your hoodie,

00:11:15.620 you got a fireplace going. So how do you inject novelty into that?

00:11:19.060 I think you go about it by using some of the other tools to either make happy memories or retrieve

00:11:28.640 happy memories. So one of the tips in the book is to, you know, your brain works a little bit like a,

00:11:37.060 or your memory works a little bit like a muscle. So the more you think of something, the more you

00:11:40.980 talk about a certain memory, the more likely that memory is going to be retrieved in the future,

00:11:45.420 the more likely that it's going to be stored in your long-term memory. And I'm sure you have a lot

00:11:51.700 of photos on your phone. I definitely have a lot of photos on my phone. But, you know, back in the

00:11:58.040 eighties, when I was growing up, we used to have these old school photo albums that you actually

00:12:03.300 sat and looked at together as a family. And so one of the tips in the book is to curate the happy

00:12:12.080 hundred. And that means, you know, it could be here between Christmas and New Year's, get out your

00:12:18.060 phones with your family and go through the pictures from the past year and decide which were actually

00:12:24.000 our 10, 50 or a hundred happiest moments in the past year and get those photos printed out and put

00:12:30.940 in an old school photo album. I think that's a great exercise if you have kids to sort of get their

00:12:36.500 insight or get their input to what did we actually enjoy this year? What were the fun,

00:12:41.000 happy moments? And put them in an old school photo album.

00:12:46.160 And that's, that's, that's definitely more hygge because hygge is all about tactile, tactile.

00:12:51.520 That will be, that will be a hygge-ly activity together with the kids. 1.00

00:12:55.120 All right. So it's the holiday season. It's Christmas time. And that's a time that's all

00:12:59.760 about coziness and memory. So I thought it'd be fun to apply the principles in your books

00:13:04.240 to help listeners have the most hygge and memorable Christmas ever. So what can people do to make their

00:13:11.300 home feel more cozy at Christmas time? So I think one of the easy steps is to go Viking crazy on the 1.00

00:13:22.780 candles. So Danes associate hygge with candlelight. So the more warmer the light, the softer the light,

00:13:32.260 the more hygge-ly it's considered. So we use a lot of candles. In Denmark, we actually use twice as

00:13:37.520 many candles as number two in Europe. Um, so, um, I think getting out the candles is, is, is the first

00:13:46.260 step. And, and I know it's a very sort of simple, uh, thing, but it's interesting to see how it

00:13:51.500 actually impacts how families interact. Um, so I spoke to a Canadian a couple of years ago who had

00:13:57.820 read hygge and because of the focus on lighting and candles in the book, he went out and he bought some

00:14:04.620 chandeliers and started to light candles for dinner at home. And, um, and him and his wife,

00:14:12.040 they have three teenage sons. And when this guy, he started to light the candle, the boys,

00:14:17.520 his sons, they started to tease him, you know, dad, what's going on with the candles? Do you want to

00:14:22.040 have some romantic time with mom? Should we leave? But he says, eventually the boys, they started to

00:14:27.780 light the candles and it became this sort of ritual of food and fire. And more importantly, he says now

00:14:34.220 their family dinners last 20 minutes longer because the atmosphere, the candles puts the

00:14:40.140 boys in a storytelling mood. So instead of just sitting down, shuttling down their food,

00:14:45.200 they sit down, they, uh, they, they talk about the day, they, they sip their wine. And I think

00:14:50.100 it's really fun and interesting to hear that from several sources, how a candle can actually,

00:14:55.900 um, change how a family interact. So I think that's the, that's one way, uh, easy step towards

00:15:02.900 a, a more hoogly Christmas. Uh, and also just put up decorations in general. I've noticed in my own,

00:15:09.020 whenever my experience, whenever I put a Christmas decorations in the house, it makes the house feel

00:15:13.660 smaller, right? Cause you got a big giant tree and you have all this greenery everywhere. And just

00:15:18.640 that fact, it kind of closes things. Then it just feels, you feel a little more cozy in your house.

00:15:23.920 And I, yeah, I can account to the, the lighting can, uh, the candles can really make a hoogly

00:15:27.880 Christmas. Uh, we have a Christmas party every year. And one year we ended with singing Christmas

00:15:32.940 carols and we gave everyone candles and turn off the lights. And it was really nice.

00:15:38.320 It's also interesting to see, uh, for my latest book, uh, I collected more than a thousand happy

00:15:46.920 memories from all over the world. Um, I think we have memories from 75 different trees or something

00:15:52.800 like that. A lot of them were actually on sort of evenings where people had lost, um, power and

00:16:01.880 lost the electricity and, and brought out candles and sat, uh, and, and talked about family anecdotes

00:16:07.440 and sort of went completely old school in terms of entertainment. Um, so that, that, that sounds a

00:16:12.800 little bit similar to what you're describing at the Christmas party.

00:16:15.560 So what about hoogly Christmas smells? What are some of those you think?

00:16:19.040 Oh, I mean, to Danes, it would be cinnamon and orange. And, um, I think it was actually

00:16:28.080 interesting to see, uh, when hygge exploded, uh, as it did, uh, with, with the books and, and, and

00:16:35.820 people globally sort of embraced hygge and the financial times, uh, wrote that the hygge craze and the

00:16:43.900 love of Danish pastry had actually driven up the price of cinnamon on the global market. I thought

00:16:49.860 that was really, really hilarious that, that a book, uh, could, could drive up the price, uh, of spice,

00:16:56.100 but yeah, cinnamon and, um, and oranges, uh, I think, uh, uh, are some of the things that Danes

00:17:01.900 associate with Christmas.

00:17:03.060 Yeah. I think here in America, for me, at least, uh, the smell of a Christmas tree,

00:17:07.040 the pine smells really good.

00:17:09.060 Yeah.

00:17:09.520 And then also, yeah, cinnamon too, as well. And there's something interesting too, what I,

00:17:13.060 when I, this is sort of my own experience, like the smell of Christmas decorations.

00:17:16.960 I don't know that for all they have, they, for a reason they have a smell because I think

00:17:19.840 they all are, they're infused with like cinnamon and all those spices, but, um, whenever you

00:17:24.400 pull them out and they just kind of just hit you in the face, it's like, ah, Christmas is

00:17:28.920 here. I love it.

00:17:30.140 Yeah. And then you're going to have the, the memory through association or memory through

00:17:36.400 scent. Um, you know, we smell something, we hear something, we taste something, and then

00:17:42.440 we are instantly transported back, uh, to, uh, a certain memory. You know, if you put

00:17:47.160 on the, the music you heard in high school, then, uh, some, some memories, uh, are likely

00:17:52.580 to pop up.

00:17:53.600 What about like sounds? Do you have like sounds you associate with Christmas and

00:17:58.460 Hygge? 1.00

00:17:58.940 Oh, I guess it would be the carols. And I mean, the, the, the, the classic music tracks

00:18:06.660 you hear during Christmas. I think that, yeah, that, that triggers certain, uh, Christmas

00:18:12.600 memories for me.

00:18:14.100 Food is an important part. If you're going to, in fact, you, you offer recipes throughout

00:18:18.180 the book. Um, so like what, what's the type of food you want to eat during Christmas time

00:18:22.660 to feel like, yes, this is, this is Christmas.

00:18:24.700 I mean, if, if you're going for a Hughley Christmas, then you need to go, you know, sort

00:18:29.660 of classic traditional Danish Christmas. And that is sort of, uh, duck or, uh, roasted

00:18:37.300 pork, uh, and sort of, uh, potatoes that are loaded with, with sugar and, and, and red

00:18:43.860 cabbage. So sort of a really sort of traditional set of, of courses you have to have for Christmas.

00:18:49.140 But if you want to make sort of a more memorable, uh, Christmas, then you would have to sort

00:18:54.800 of seek out new experiences and, and try sort of new ingredients. Uh, but of course, I think

00:19:00.540 in many families that will call, that would create a small, uh, you know, revolution, uh,

00:19:06.300 and, uh, an outcry from, from half the family. So perhaps better to stick with tradition for

00:19:10.560 Christmas.

00:19:11.420 Well, yeah, I mean, that's a, that's a hard balance. You had memorable things, but you also

00:19:14.100 want to respect tradition. Have you found a way to, I mean, you're in talking to people

00:19:18.480 in your own experience, have you found a way to balance that?

00:19:20.860 I mean, one thing you could do is to, to introduce a theme for Christmas. Uh, so you, you stick

00:19:25.540 with so many traditions, uh, but then you add one element that makes it, uh, distinguishable

00:19:30.400 from, from the other years, uh, some sort of, uh, element. Um, but I think, you know, Christmas,

00:19:36.340 it's one day of year. Uh, so, so maybe best to stick with tradition for that one.

00:19:41.380 Uh, what about any other activities that you, that in date in Denmark, they associate Christmas

00:19:47.180 and hygge together?

00:19:49.440 Oh, I mean, we have, uh, Christmas lunches, uh, like I'm sure you do in, in, in the States

00:19:55.040 as well. Um, of course in Denmark, we bring out, uh, and don't try to pronounce this word

00:20:00.720 at home, but we bring out smörbröl, which is sort of open faced sandwiches, you know, Danish

00:20:06.060 herring and snaps and, uh, uh, get quite drunk during, uh, Christmas parties and Christmas

00:20:12.240 lunches. So, uh, that, that's also a cornerstone of the Danish Christmas tradition.

00:20:15.920 And I guess, you know, bringing kind of this art of making memory so you can inject some

00:20:19.900 new things maybe, but also another important thing to do during the holidays is to make

00:20:23.820 sure you track it, take pictures, make notes, because if you don't, you're going to forget

00:20:28.540 about it.

00:20:29.460 Right. And also, I mean, you know, I think the time between Christmas and new year's is

00:20:34.280 a good time to plan a memorable year. So what kind of activities can we do in the coming

00:20:40.000 12 months that we are likely to remember, uh, 10 years from now? Um, and one of the, one

00:20:48.240 of the suggestions in the book is to create something I call the Apollo picnic. Um, and

00:20:55.320 you do it on, on July 20th. And the concept is you, you ask your friends and family, uh,

00:21:01.020 for a picnic and everybody brings a dish or an ingredient they have not tried before. So

00:21:06.500 it's going to be a new experience. You know, somebody brings Danish herring, somebody brings,

00:21:11.140 I don't know, habanero chili. Um, and that will also mean that you're going to push your

00:21:16.340 comfort zone a little bit. If we do something that scares us, we are also more likely to

00:21:20.560 remember it in the future and habanero chili should definitely scare you. Um, and you do

00:21:25.840 it on, on July 20th. Um, because that is the anniversary for the moon landing. So the

00:21:32.500 Apollo mission. Uh, so in the future, when you hear about the moon landing and the Apollo

00:21:37.440 mission, that is going to trigger your memory of the Apollo picnic. Uh, so building in triggers

00:21:42.540 like that is, is one of the tools you can apply if you are interested in making a memorable

00:21:47.360 year. And I think we all are, I think, you know, I think we're all striving to achieve

00:21:51.840 sort of an unforgettable life. Uh, I think we all like to have sort of memorable moments

00:21:58.140 to look back on. Uh, and it's also our shared experiences. It's our shared memories that bind,

00:22:04.300 bind us together with, with people. And if you have kids, I think, you know, we're all

00:22:09.560 interested in them looking back on their childhood and thinking of happy times. Um, and, and the

00:22:15.260 good news is there's a lot we can do actually to influence what, uh, we and our family and

00:22:19.540 friends remember.

00:22:20.500 So, okay. Uh, use this time at Christmas time, perhaps, and maybe even July to plan out future

00:22:25.440 memories. Christmas time is also a good time to review memories. I remember as a kid growing

00:22:29.320 up, one thing we did around the holidays was watch old videos that my dad took of Christmases

00:22:34.960 when we were kids. And that was a way to review those good memories.

00:22:38.980 Yeah. And, and, and again, I mean, you can use all the five different senses. Um, so even

00:22:44.840 something as crazy as scent. So, uh, so one thing that, uh, the artist Andy Warhol would

00:22:52.020 do was he, he wore the same perfume for three months and then never wore that perfume again

00:22:58.300 and switched to another one for three months and so on and so on. And that meant over time

00:23:03.120 he had actually created a museum of scent or museum of memories. So he could say, now I

00:23:09.960 want to, now I want to go back to the spring of 1982 and then take a whiff of that perfume

00:23:14.640 and then be transported back in time. Um, I think it's, it's, it's, it's, it's a fun,

00:23:19.420 an interesting way of doing it. It's way too expensive for my, uh, for my budget. Uh, but

00:23:26.440 I think that's a, that's a fun idea.

00:23:28.660 Yeah. He got buried with his favorite perfume. Beautiful.

00:23:31.540 He did.

00:23:32.420 My mom wore beautiful. That's why that stood out to me when I read that. You know, one

00:23:36.260 thing my wife does that's similar is after listening to a new music album a lot, she kind

00:23:41.060 of puts it in the memory vault and doesn't listen to it at all for a long time. That way

00:23:46.420 it's only associated with the period of time in which she first listened to it. So whenever

00:23:51.080 she does take it out and listen to it again, all the memories in that particular period come

00:23:55.860 back really strongly. Um, so let's get back to this idea of hygge being connected with doing 0.97

00:24:01.940 hard things because it seems like Scandinavians like to do hard things. We recently had Arlene 1.00

00:24:08.140 Kaga on the show. He's a Norwegian explorer, the first man to take unsupported treks to the

00:24:13.240 North and South Poles. And he had this same idea that you've got to make your life hard

00:24:17.380 so you can really enjoy the downtime.

00:24:20.260 Yeah. And I think, you know, we also, when we look at happiness, we also interested in

00:24:26.200 looking at unhappiness. Uh, I think our, uh, you know, every human life is going to have

00:24:32.120 periods of struggle and heartbreak and failure and unhappiness. And that's part of the human

00:24:38.260 experience, but it also teaches us about happiness. Uh, you know, we appreciate our happy times,

00:24:43.740 our happy periods in life, uh, even more when we also had to struggle earlier. And I think that's

00:24:50.260 the same point. Uh, you know, we, we enjoy reaching the summit of the mountain because of the struggle

00:24:56.000 up there. Um, so I think there's a lot of similarities there. And how do you make Christmas

00:25:01.460 harder, right? To, I think Christmas is hot enough as it is. I mean, there's so much you

00:25:08.220 have to do for December. So, uh, so I, I'm not sure we need to make it harder.

00:25:16.000 Well, then I guess, so maybe we can use it to reframe, right? So I know people get stressed

00:25:20.400 out during the holidays. Like I got to do all this stuff, got to put up the lights, got to put

00:25:23.960 up the tree. Right. Chris, I'm just like, no, this is great because it's all going to lead

00:25:28.040 up to this moment where I can have this super cozy, memorable day with my family.

00:25:32.380 Yeah. True. But I mean, what you're saying there actually also reminds me about something from,

00:25:37.900 from the latest book, uh, on what we call chore wars. So, uh, why couples fight over how big a

00:25:45.540 share of the household chores they do. Um, so if, if you ask people, how big a share of the

00:25:53.520 cooking do you do, or how big a share of the cleaning do you do and how big a share of the

00:25:57.920 grocery shopping do you do? And we add that up between men and, and, and women, it always 0.98

00:26:04.100 adds up more to more than a hundred percent. So, you know, I'll say, uh, I do, you know,

00:26:11.880 70% of the cooking and, uh, Helena, my girlfriend will say she does 50% of the cooking. So that

00:26:18.660 adds up to 120%. And we see that for every chore on the list. And the reason why we, we, um,

00:26:26.880 we, we get to that number is, and we, we, we remember every time we did a chore, uh, because

00:26:35.740 it's much more vivid, uh, experience. Uh, we, uh, we, we, we endured the struggle of putting

00:26:42.760 up the Christmas tree or getting the Christmas tree or making sure that the kids got all the

00:26:48.020 presents they wanted. Um, but you know, when somebody else does the chore, you just, you

00:26:54.520 know, can check it off the list. Um, so, so that's one of the reasons why we fight over

00:26:59.200 chores.

00:27:00.080 So I guess during the holidays, take that consideration, right? And if you're getting

00:27:03.720 angry at your, your spouse, cause they're like, not, you don't think, but you know,

00:27:06.620 they're actually doing their stuff.

00:27:08.320 Yeah. Yeah. I think it's actually writing this book made me, I think a little bit more

00:27:12.260 tolerant, uh, because, because I understand now how beautifully flawed our memory also

00:27:19.820 is. Um, so I've learned a little bit more about, uh, I think being tolerant of other

00:27:25.620 people's versions of history and the past and acknowledging that I don't necessarily have

00:27:33.000 a monopoly on, on truth of what happened.

00:27:36.660 Go back to this idea of doing hard, making Christmas harder. Here's a fun way to make it

00:27:40.700 harder that I, a tradition that I I've seen in a family, uh, before they could open Christmas

00:27:46.160 presents, the family had to run a marathon together. So it's like, it wasn't, they didn't

00:27:51.840 run, it was like, it was collectively, right? So each of them had to run enough miles collectively

00:27:56.260 so that it was a marathon and then they could open Christmas presents. And I was, I mean,

00:28:00.200 I would never do that, but I thought it was a great memory for them. A great tradition.

00:28:04.800 Yeah. It's nice. It's nice. It's a good idea. It's a good idea. I need to call all the

00:28:10.620 cousins I haven't spoken to in a few months. Yeah. Get them. Get them. We're going to run a

00:28:15.180 well, you can snowshoe, I guess, cause it's going to be snowy there in Denmark. Uh, you

00:28:20.120 can snowshoe a marathon. Well, Mike, where can people go to learn more about the book and

00:28:23.920 your work? Well, I mean, if they're interested in happiness research, uh, visit, uh, happiness

00:28:28.920 for search institute.com. So all our reports and, and findings are available on our website.

00:28:35.180 Um, and of course they can check out the books at various, uh, booksellers if they're interested

00:28:40.120 in, in taking a deep dive into the Danish figure or, uh, the art of making memories as well.

00:28:46.480 Mike Viking. Thanks for your time. It's been a pleasure.

00:28:48.680 Thank you. Thanks for having me.

00:28:50.240 My guest today was Mike Viking. He's the author of the books, the little book of hygge,

00:28:53.680 Danish secrets to happy living and the art of making memories, both available on amazon.com.

00:28:58.060 You can find out more information about his work at his website, happinessresearchinstitute.com.

00:29:02.280 Also check out our show notes at aom.is slash cozy. We can find links to resources. We can delve

00:29:06.520 deeper into this topic.

00:29:18.060 Well, that wraps up another edition of the AOM podcast. Check out our website at

00:29:21.700 artofmanliness.com where you can find our podcast archives, as well as thousands of articles we've

00:29:25.820 written over the years about how to have a great Christmas, great holiday season. A lot of articles

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00:29:59.520 this is Brett McKay reminding you not only listen to the AOM podcast, but put what you've heard into

00:30:03.520 action.

The Art of Manliness - December 04, 2019

#566： How to Have a Hyggely Christmas and a More Memorable New Year

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