The Art of Manliness - April 04, 2014


#62: Play it Away With Charlie Hoehn


Episode Stats

Length

38 minutes

Words per Minute

172.8585

Word Count

6,590

Sentence Count

425

Hate Speech Sentences

1


Summary

Charlie Hohen is the author of Play It Away: A Workaholic's Cure for Anxiety or Burnout. In this episode, we talk about his experience with burnout and the anxiety that it caused him, and what he did to alleviate it.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 This episode of the Art of Manly's podcast is brought to you in part by Flint and Tinder
00:00:03.140 exclusively at Huckberry.com. Guys, it's September. It's still hot. It was like 96
00:00:07.820 degrees a day. Felt like 105 here in Oklahoma, but I'm looking forward to fall when things start
00:00:12.320 cooling down and I can start busting out my fall wardrobe. And a big part of my fall wardrobe is
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00:00:21.160 is made in America and they have just classic staples, guy staples like Henley's jeans. They
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00:00:30.200 Oxfords. They got a wax trucker jacket. It's one of my favorites. Go check it out. Go to
00:00:34.780 Huckberry.com. Check out the Flint and Tinder collection. Start gearing up for fall. Definitely
00:00:39.420 check out the 10-year hoodie. Definitely check out their wax trucker jacket and definitely check out
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00:01:15.380 Brett McKay here and welcome to another edition of the Art of Manliness podcast. Are you feeling
00:01:20.220 burnt out? Like you just feel like your job and life is just sucked just the joy out of your life.
00:01:27.620 You're not alone if you feel like that, because there's a lot of people that feel like that today
00:01:31.080 with our smartphones and computers. There's this expectation that we're supposed to be on 24 seven
00:01:37.100 with our jobs. And there's this pressure to just make more money, to get more status. And we think
00:01:44.760 that'll make us happy. But what ends up happening is we end up miserable. Well, our guest today has
00:01:48.960 written a book about his experience of workaholic induced burnout. His name is Charlie Hohen. He's
00:01:53.840 the author of Play It Away, A Workaholic's Cure for Anxiety. And we talk about Charlie's experience
00:01:58.580 with burnout and the anxiety that it caused him. And we talk about what he did to alleviate this.
00:02:04.260 And we've talked about what he found that really did the trick, what helped him overcome his burnout.
00:02:09.360 And you'll be surprised because it's good old fashioned play. So stay tuned.
00:02:13.280 All right, Charlie, welcome to the show.
00:02:16.960 Thank you, Brett. Nice to be here.
00:02:19.480 All right. So your book is Play It Away, A Workaholic's Cure for Anxiety or Burnout. Let's
00:02:25.260 talk about what led to this book, because it's an interesting story. And I know that a lot of
00:02:29.320 guys who are listening to this podcast will probably relate to your story. So how did this book come
00:02:34.900 about? Um, so the reason this book originally came about actually, because I was working on another
00:02:44.700 book, uh, on how to get a job that you actually legitimately want after college, uh, not some
00:02:53.840 dead end corporate job that you'd get through Craigslist because you're just trying to get a paycheck,
00:02:58.840 but how to actually set a solid foundation for your career. And a section of that book that I was
00:03:06.800 working on was about, uh, quitting and dealing with burnout and getting over, getting, getting
00:03:14.180 your work life balance back and overcoming crazy amounts of stress or anxiety, uh, from working
00:03:22.820 in like a startup type of scenario. And, uh, and when I showed the book to a number of my friends,
00:03:32.540 they were like, this section's great, but it doesn't belong in the book. You're just trying to
00:03:37.400 teach people how to get the job that they want. And that was my favorite material. So I decided to
00:03:42.640 make it into a book because I, uh, I, I posted on my blog, uh, an essay called how I cured my anxiety
00:03:50.820 and it ended up being one of the most popular things I ever wrote. And so there was a lot of
00:03:55.880 demand for the topic and yeah, it was, it was just basically, um, over a thousand people said they
00:04:02.560 wanted to read a book on overcoming anxiety. So I decided to just turn it into a book.
00:04:10.380 Well, cool. Tell us about your personal anxiety problem. I mean, how did you, cause I mean, you kind
00:04:14.120 of, you hit rock bottom at a point. Yeah. Yeah. And when I say like anxiety, I don't mean like
00:04:19.960 the mildly socially anxious, uh, or the slight panic you get, if you miss a deadline, I mean,
00:04:28.040 debilitating anxiety where you're having panic attacks and you feel like you're on the verge of
00:04:33.380 like breaking down and you never feel you, you feel like you're never going to be happy again.
00:04:40.200 Um, there's when my rock bottom was just, I felt constant dread all the time. I had difficulty
00:04:50.000 breathing. I had difficulty sleeping. I couldn't relax. It was physically impossible. And I felt
00:04:57.020 like I was trapped in my own personal hell all the time. I remember having a conversation with my
00:05:04.080 girlfriend and she was basically like, you aren't the guy that I met. What is wrong? And I told her,
00:05:11.940 uh, that I just felt dead inside all the time and I didn't know how to fix it. And it just wouldn't go
00:05:19.200 away. It was like, I had, I didn't have thoughts of like suicide, but I remember thinking many times,
00:05:27.320 like, I just want this to be over. Like it's, it's such a bad feeling. And to constantly feel like
00:05:35.860 you're in fight or flight mode and constantly terrified of something, uh, you know, even though,
00:05:44.440 you know, it's irrational, like people just tell you like, Oh, it doesn't make sense. It doesn't matter.
00:05:49.440 It's just like the, you're, you're still mentally and emotionally and physically broken in, and I
00:05:57.420 wasn't sure what was causing it. And it, it was, it was really bad. Uh, so I, I started having panic
00:06:04.860 attacks and stuff. And I was seeing a doctor or I asked the doctor to like, check me out. And she gave
00:06:10.640 me these benzos, which are a type of pill that's apparently is, uh, has the same withdrawal effects as
00:06:18.620 heroin, getting off of heroin. And so I never took those pills because I saw this, uh, the side
00:06:25.560 effects were far worse than the symptoms that they could mask basically. Like it could cause even worse
00:06:33.620 anxiety or insomnia and all this stuff. So I went on this journey, uh, of like trying to cure my anxiety
00:06:41.620 basically. And I tried everything and nothing really seemed to work for more than a
00:06:48.580 few days. And when I, when I say everything, it's just like anything that you've tried to
00:06:56.120 alleviate your stress or depression or anxiety. I tried. Yeah. So like meditation, uh, meditation,
00:07:05.820 yoga, breathing exercises, therapy, uh, like doing these therapy books. I did extended fasts. I did super
00:07:17.120 clean diets. I did intense high intensity workouts. I did prayer. I did volunteering. I, I even took a
00:07:25.500 six week course made specifically for men wanting to overcome anxiety. I did isolation chambers, uh,
00:07:33.000 or flotation tanks, like everything and, uh, supplements and drugs and all this stuff. And
00:07:39.580 stuff only seemed to work for a short period of time or alleviate my symptoms for a short period of
00:07:46.540 time or it would make things worse. And finally, once a couple key pieces fell into place, I was
00:07:53.480 back to normal within a couple of weeks and I didn't even notice my anxiety was gone. And I
00:08:01.220 legitimately just have no fear that those feelings will return. And if they do, I know how to get rid of
00:08:09.820 them. Awesome. And that's what, that's what the book's about. All right. We're going to talk a little
00:08:13.080 bit about that, what you found. Uh, but before that, let's just talk about burnout in general.
00:08:16.440 Cause you know what you, when I read your book and as you talked about that, like I've experienced
00:08:20.920 that same sort of thing as well. Like that, just that feeling of being dead inside, like you're just
00:08:24.900 so overworked. It happened to me when I was in law school and like after law school and like,
00:08:29.640 honestly, I'm still kind of recovering from it. And that's been like four or five years.
00:08:33.840 Yeah. Um, what, I mean, you're, and I know this isn't like just, uh, it isn't rare. It seems like
00:08:39.980 a lot of people are experiencing this sort of burnout. I mean, what is it? Why? I mean,
00:08:44.820 I don't think my dad, you know, really had burnout. Uh, I don't remember him being burnt out growing up.
00:08:50.240 He seemed to enjoy his job and go to work and he'd come home and grandpa the same way, but it's like,
00:08:55.100 there's a lot of, I don't know. What is it about modern work, uh, that makes people more susceptible
00:09:00.260 to burnout? I think there are a lot of things, but I think the main one is the most obvious one
00:09:04.960 is that we're, we don't escape work as easily anymore. There's no set hours. It's, it's just
00:09:11.140 around the clock. And I know so many people who lay in bed checking their cell phones up until late
00:09:19.120 hours. And not only is that preventing your brain from relaxing and just kind of shutting down and,
00:09:26.100 and it's also physically waking you back up. It's just keeping you on the whole time and it's
00:09:34.000 reducing your quality of sleep. And what happens when you sleep is your brain actually clears itself
00:09:40.660 out. It takes, it, it kind of resets. It's not that it stops working and, you know, just relaxes the
00:09:47.220 whole time while you're sleeping. It's, it's like the house cleaning for your, for your body and your
00:09:52.740 mind. And so I think people are not only just constantly connected and constantly on now,
00:09:59.880 and they feel this, an even greater sense of pressure to succeed because now everybody's stuff
00:10:05.540 out is out in the open on Facebook, which is a highlight reel. So you, you, you get up and you
00:10:12.020 check Facebook and you're like, Oh my God, everybody's life is awesome. Uh, but nobody's broadcasting
00:10:18.600 like the anxiety and the panic attacks and the depression and the sense of hopelessness that a
00:10:24.820 lot of people, which a lot of people feel as part of the human condition. And we don't, we don't
00:10:31.440 broadcast that stuff because we're ashamed of it and embarrassed and self-conscious, but we all go
00:10:35.980 through it on some level, no matter how great our lives appear, no matter how great we want other
00:10:42.700 people's to think our lives are. Um, so I think that that's, that's one part of the equation. That's,
00:10:51.020 that's a huge part that people tend to overlook because it seems so normal now. Um, but for me
00:10:56.960 personally, I know I was sitting still all day drinking four to five cups of coffee a day and just
00:11:06.220 constantly checking my email. So I was being sedentary interacting with human beings exclusively
00:11:12.860 through a screen. So I was, it's, it's like a glorified aquarium. You know, you're just constantly
00:11:19.340 looking at this piece of lit up glass and that's, that doesn't resemble anything that happens in
00:11:26.040 nature. And I was in indoors in temperature controlled rooms all day, just not moving. It's
00:11:33.100 horrible to do to your body, first of all, but it inevitably leads to you just feeling awful.
00:11:40.800 It's not like I'm the weird one who was doing this. It's like everyone around me was doing it in
00:11:46.000 Silicon Valley because everyone's a programmer. And, and I got to a point where I was taking brain pills,
00:11:52.760 these, uh, nootropics, which were, this was kind of the height of my workaholism was taking these
00:12:02.500 drugs so I could stay awake for days and keep working. Was this ProVigil? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:12:11.400 Yeah. And that's, it's very common. I hear amongst kind of like Silicon Valley folks,
00:12:16.840 they're taking ProVigil to get that edge. Right. And, and the thing is, is like the stakes are
00:12:22.720 legitimate, like out there. I mean, not, not in my particular case a few years ago, but like they're
00:12:31.120 for these tech startups, some of them have hundreds of millions of dollars on the line and people
00:12:37.160 complain about athletes taking steroids to get bulkier so they can hit a few more home runs and
00:12:44.800 land multimillion dollar contracts. There are, you know, little scrawny programmers running around
00:12:51.500 effectively doing the same thing to their brain so that they can program faster and get more work done.
00:12:59.400 And it's destroying their mental health and the, and a lot of them don't realize it because
00:13:05.480 everyone around them is doing it. It's quiet. You can't even tell that they're doing it pretty crazy.
00:13:11.540 Yeah. It's funny. You mentioned how, you know, a lot of us are right. They're like,
00:13:15.860 we're stuck in this aquarium in front of a computer and we're, a lot of us are in our email all day.
00:13:20.180 And what's interesting, you talk about like, we're very sedentary, but when you work in email and
00:13:24.560 you're doing like, you experience fight or flight reaction, right? But you can't do anything
00:13:28.820 to like release that, right? You just sit there and you just let, you're like stressed out. And
00:13:33.540 what's weird too, it's sort of a disconnect, but you're like, it's just email. It's just like this
00:13:37.540 mental, it's like, not, I'm not being chased by Mastodon. Why do I feel like that? And so you kind
00:13:42.820 of get down on yourselves, like, come on, get it together.
00:13:44.840 Right. Tough it out, like work through it. And yeah, I mean, it's, it feels ridiculous to be
00:13:52.600 hyper-stressed by digital information and work and stuff that in the grand scheme of things means
00:14:00.760 nothing compared to how you feel in your health. But we take it all very, very seriously.
00:14:09.240 Yeah. Okay. Here's maybe you get some insight into this. If there's some guys who are listening to
00:14:13.840 this and they're kind of fancy themselves as high achievers, are there, are there any, um, like
00:14:18.340 signs or symptoms of like pre-burnout or burnout that they should be on the lookout for? And they'd
00:14:22.980 be like, okay, I need to, I need to take a step back and reevaluate what I'm doing here.
00:14:28.580 Yeah, for sure. Uh, the, the main one is your inability to not take your work seriously. Uh, or I'm,
00:14:39.620 I'm probably getting my words confused there with a double negative, but, uh, there's, there's some
00:14:45.400 great quote, I forget who said it, but it's just like the, the signs of a pending mental breakdown
00:14:50.840 are a person's inability to like laugh at themselves or they just take their work super,
00:14:57.620 super seriously. The, let me see. I, I had a checklist actually in the book of like all the
00:15:06.160 things that indicated if you're on, on course for a breakdown that I, I legitimately wish someone
00:15:14.760 had held the mirror up to me. Uh, but at the same time, I don't know if I would have acknowledged it
00:15:21.340 because it's like, I was so unhealthy in terms of my, my work routine, but I was just like, at the
00:15:29.580 same time I was getting congratulated because I was, I was super productive and I was in all these
00:15:35.280 cool different positions doing all this cool stuff. So here's, here's the checklist. Okay.
00:15:41.720 Do you feel guilty or really anxious when you're not working, when you're taking time off and not
00:15:49.140 doing anything more? Like, do you have to check your cell phone? Uh, do you feel guilty when you're
00:15:54.420 not working? Have you stopped playing with your friends? Like having guilt free play with your
00:16:01.320 friends? Do all of your daily activities revolve around you building a more successful career?
00:16:08.340 Everything you do during the day, is it career oriented? Are you sleeping less than eight hours
00:16:14.340 per night? That's a big one. Um, are you consuming stimulants multiple times per day to hide your
00:16:21.620 exhaustion? Um, I've, I was drinking a lot of coffee. Uh, a lot of people do energy drinks. And again,
00:16:28.820 it's just like, it's, if your body is freaking out within an hour or two, every time you're taking
00:16:35.100 these stimulants, it's telling you, you need to change something and slow down. Uh, so a worthy
00:16:41.860 experiment is just to go a week without those stimulants, just replace it with water and see
00:16:47.200 how your body responds. If you're just constantly like feeling strung out, just take away the stimulant.
00:16:53.500 Um, are you sitting still and staring at screens for most of your waking hours?
00:16:59.780 Do you interact with people primarily through screens? Are you indoors all day long, depriving
00:17:05.800 yourself of fresh air and sunlight? And do you depend on alcohol or drugs to cope with social
00:17:12.480 situations outside of work? So those are the big red flags of like, are you on the path to potential
00:17:21.520 burnout? Oh yeah. Yeah. I was kind of like, I, I, uh, I am kind of in a bad shape then.
00:17:28.860 A lot of people are. I don't think it's like an uncommon thing at all. And that's the thing.
00:17:33.620 It's just like, there's, there's so few of us. There are so few people who are just like, you know,
00:17:40.640 it's a workaholic culture is kind of crazy. We ought to stop and reassess because America is like one of
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00:18:43.660 Yeah. And what's funny is it's just sort of creeps into your life.
00:18:46.060 Like you don't, you know, and then before you know it, it's too late. Like you don't see
00:18:49.660 it. And then you're like, oh my gosh. Okay. So, um, you tried all these things like meditation,
00:18:55.380 yoga, and you finally discovered that play, um, was one of the keys. I mean, how did you
00:19:01.300 discover that? And what is it about play that's so good for us, even as adults? Because we often
00:19:06.760 just think of play. That's what kids do. Yeah. Yeah. Tell us about play. Yeah. So, uh, I,
00:19:12.540 I had that breakthrough when I just happened to stumble upon a book called play by Stuart
00:19:19.480 Brown. I was at my friend's house and I just came across this book and I was like, huh,
00:19:24.700 that's an interesting title. And I just started reading it. And, uh, I, I read it in one sitting
00:19:30.600 and my reaction to the book was, oh my God, I'm such an idiot. Like I've felt awful for years
00:19:42.460 and I, the answer is so obvious why. And it's because I'm constantly preventing myself from
00:19:51.540 playing. I'm constantly mentally blocking myself from having guilt-free fun. Like I remember being
00:20:00.280 on, I was set up on a blind date and I was set up with this really beautiful, awesome girl.
00:20:06.600 And later on she told me, and I, and I'm like, normally, uh, I'm, I'm a pretty relaxed and carefree
00:20:16.080 guy. Who's like easy to laugh. But like at that stage of my life, she told me when she met me and
00:20:21.140 she was like, you were super intense and serious. I was like, man, that's such a drag to hear. But
00:20:28.340 like, I, I was always feeling guilty about having fun. I always felt guilty when I wasn't working
00:20:36.040 because at the time I was starting to make a lot more money. I had a few major successes under my
00:20:44.560 belt and I felt like I, my work was really important. My career was really important.
00:20:51.640 And I quit my job of working for Tim Ferriss because a bunch of like, uh, external stuff outside of work
00:21:00.360 just went awry. And I had to quit because I was, I was just like, I emotionally, I couldn't do it.
00:21:07.780 And I felt like I'd really just like, let everyone down. I was like, man, I, I, I not only burned a
00:21:16.100 bridge with like my mentor and my hero, but I, I potentially threw away everything I'd worked for.
00:21:23.100 And I needed to become like a successful CEO or a millionaire or somebody who changed the world
00:21:30.160 in order for everyone to accept that I was like, okay, again. And so in my head, I was like, I got,
00:21:36.840 I got to get back on. Like, I got to get back. Like, I got to work my way through this. And I was just
00:21:42.580 never playing. And the thing was, is like, when I started reincorporating play and back, back into my
00:21:49.260 life, like the activities that I voluntarily turned to while I was growing up, stuff like playing catch
00:21:57.520 and playing home run derby and creating arts or building things with my hands or like making music,
00:22:05.660 developing my skills, stuff that I did for fun, just for fun, no other outcome. Everything changed
00:22:12.460 because I started, I started viewing my world instead of as a prison, which is how it felt when
00:22:19.180 I was super anxious. I started viewing my world as a playground and everyone around me as potential
00:22:25.780 playmates and every moment as an opportunity to have fun rather than I need to get back to work so I
00:22:34.980 can make money and be successful. It became about how can I have fun? And so my work actually
00:22:42.280 changed back to what it was when I first started out, which was, it's a game that I would willingly
00:22:48.800 play. Like I was able to get into these great positions of working with guys like Tim Ferriss and
00:22:54.700 Tucker Max and Ramit Sethi, because to me, my career was just a game that I was setting up for myself,
00:23:03.260 that it was just opportunities I was creating for myself. Like after I got out of college, I spent a few
00:23:09.560 months just applying to jobs that I didn't want at companies I didn't want to work for because that's
00:23:16.120 what everyone else was doing. And that's what I thought you had to do. I thought you had to get a
00:23:20.780 job that you hated in order to pay the bills and it didn't work. And so I like, no one would even
00:23:28.640 respond to me. Everyone would ignore me. So I was just like, I'm just going to work for people I like
00:23:34.360 and, and propose cool projects that'll be fun. And if I get paid cool, if I don't worst case scenario,
00:23:42.540 I have something interesting to talk about. I have something in my portfolio, uh, and a,
00:23:48.200 and a fun project. So I approached it as a game and I was able to do all this cool stuff that I
00:23:53.920 actually wanted to do. But when it switched over to being about money and success and feeling guilty
00:24:00.220 for not doing enough and needing more and more and more, then everything got messed up.
00:24:07.640 And, and so I play changed everything. It was, it's not only the physical act of like getting out and
00:24:14.820 running around and having fun. It was just a way that I viewed the world. It was a way that I viewed my
00:24:21.480 work and it changed my life. And what I didn't realize is when I was super anxious, I had this nervous,
00:24:28.240 like weird, creepy energy to me that other people would detect and they would reflect it back to me.
00:24:35.240 Like, you know, have you ever seen like a person walking their dog and this, and this guy like
00:24:41.120 will walk by them and the dog will just be like, freak out. And it's because the person walking by
00:24:46.900 had some sketchy, weird energy that the dog detected. And it's like humans do that too, but I think they
00:24:54.540 do it on a subconscious more, much more subtle level. And, um, I, what I realized is like when I,
00:25:02.140 when I started playing, when I started viewing the world as a place where I can have fun again,
00:25:07.700 and every moment as an opportunity to have fun, I started playing with everybody. I started joking
00:25:14.680 around with waitresses and cashiers and, and my friends, I started, you know, we started pulling
00:25:20.400 pranks on each other and just joking around and relaxing. And it changed my world because everyone
00:25:27.360 around me started playing back with me. And all of a sudden I was surrounded by people who were
00:25:32.860 having fun again. And it, yeah, it just, it changed everything.
00:25:38.040 Yeah. You know, as you're saying, you know, telling that story about how you read Discover
00:25:41.440 Play, it reminds me, I mean, like when I, before I read your book, I, I, you know, this stuff, like,
00:25:45.120 you know that if you take things too serious and you just focus on money, like you're going to be
00:25:48.460 miserable. Right. But like, you forget it, uh, for some reason. And it reminds me like, you know,
00:25:53.440 there's been like books and movies about this same thing, right? Like the baseball player who
00:25:57.620 got into baseball cause he loved the game. And then he became this like crabby prima donna player
00:26:03.820 who was just concerned about making money. And like, he sucks. Did you read the New Yorker article
00:26:08.980 called, uh, why I quit major league baseball? No, I haven't read that. Oh, it's so good. You got to
00:26:14.020 look it up. It's about that exact thing. It's like this guy who just loved the game growing
00:26:18.380 up and he became great at it because he had so much fun doing it. And he quit because it became
00:26:24.500 about the business. It became about money and like, and it just ruined the spirit of the game
00:26:30.300 for him. And I think the people who are like the most successful at what they do, what I found when I
00:26:37.400 was doing like research for the book was, it was like the most successful and influential
00:26:45.180 entrepreneurs and artists, all of them, almost all of them view work in life as a game. Like
00:26:55.340 they play for a living. And Mark Twain has this great quote about how, like, when we talk about
00:27:02.480 the great workers of the world, we're not talking about the great workers. We're talking about the
00:27:06.940 great players of the world. I put together this like slide share on like the best quotes on why we
00:27:13.640 should play for a living. But yeah, it's just like, if you can retain that original spirit of
00:27:19.640 like why you got into the game in the first place and not be so focused on the money, I think that's
00:27:26.140 why guys like Steve jobs and Larry page, they took a annual salary of a dollar a year. It was symbolic
00:27:33.400 of like why they were in the game in the first place. They weren't there to sell out or get money.
00:27:39.080 They were there to do something that was their game. That's awesome. Okay. So I'm sure there's
00:27:45.240 guys who are listening to this like, yeah, this sounds great. I want to do this, but like, I don't
00:27:48.660 have time for play. I mean, but it sounds like you incorporated play just sort of naturally and
00:27:54.900 even to your work day. I mean, how, I mean, what do you tell guys what, what advice do you have to
00:27:59.180 offer to incorporate play into their life? There, there are a few things. So one is you should look
00:28:06.100 at play as an actually like a productivity hack. You can make the same argument about how I don't
00:28:12.900 have enough time to get a full night's sleep because I got to get back to work. Well, okay,
00:28:19.180 do that for a couple of weeks and see how well you're working. And it's the same with plays. If you
00:28:25.000 take time off to have fun and to play and do stuff that you actually enjoy, you're actually
00:28:31.980 going to work better. You're going to have a more full and rich life and you're going to be more
00:28:37.100 creative and you're going to be more passionate about what you're doing. You're going to bring
00:28:41.000 more energy into your work and your work is going to improve. And the CEO of Burton, the snowboarding
00:28:48.160 company, he actually has in his contract, this is a guy who's a hundred millionaire. He has in his
00:28:53.320 contract that he has to be on the slopes a hundred days of the year. He devotes a third of the year
00:28:59.220 to being, to playing because he's like, I can't do my job unless I'm having fun.
00:29:05.700 And this is consistent with what I found with other high, high achieving, top performing
00:29:12.800 entrepreneurs and artists is they play hard. They play really hard. One of the stories I included in
00:29:21.080 the book is about my friend, Aaron. She was a graphic designer and she was working on a client's
00:29:26.500 website. And she was like, we, my friend, Ann and I called her up and we're like, Hey, you want to
00:29:31.200 hang out? And she's, she goes, no, uh, I, I missed the deadline earlier today. I'm working on a client's
00:29:38.700 website and it's just not coming together. I have at least six more hours of work in front of me
00:29:44.700 and we could just hear the stress and the desperation in her voice. And so we went up to
00:29:50.500 her apartment and she was just like a mess. She was super stressed. And we looked at the site. It
00:29:57.460 wasn't coming together at all. And she was like, yeah, I'm just going to stay up all night until this
00:30:02.280 is done, you know? And we were like, why, why don't you take the night off? And so we kidnapped her
00:30:10.380 and we took her mini golfing. And initially she was really stressed on the ride over. She was like,
00:30:17.060 Oh my God, I can't believe I'm doing this. Like I'm going to be in so much trouble, blah, blah, blah.
00:30:21.540 And then by like the fourth hole, she was relaxed. She was laughing and we had a great time. And we
00:30:27.680 just joked around and messed around the whole time. She went back home when we dropped her off that
00:30:32.300 night. She got a full night's rest. The next morning she woke up and she texted us later that day.
00:30:37.100 And she was like, I got the, I got the client site done in an hour and a half and it was good.
00:30:42.620 And that's the thing. It's like, we, we insist that we, we constantly push ourselves to like,
00:30:47.840 keep going, keep going, get it done, grind it out, grind it out, work through it. And you actually
00:30:55.180 need time off because when you take that time off to relax your brain, it's, it's the same effect as
00:31:02.300 sleep. It's like, you're not thinking about this thing constantly. You're just having fun and you're
00:31:09.720 relaxing. And when you return to your laptop, when you return to your workstation, you actually have
00:31:15.900 a lightness and a happiness and a joy to you that you previously did not have. And so it's play,
00:31:23.460 I believe strongly is a productivity hack. It's essential to doing great work.
00:31:30.240 So think of play as an investment that, uh, pays off huge dividends.
00:31:35.620 Yeah. Even though you're technically wasting time, you're actually gaining time back.
00:31:42.360 That's awesome. Okay. Well, I mean, besides play, is there anything else that people, I mean,
00:31:47.080 what else did you, I mean, you, you talked about other things that did work for you to help
00:31:50.400 alleviate the anxiety. Is there anything that sticks out to you in particular?
00:31:53.460 Totally. Um, I mean, if people want to immediately, people who are really struggling
00:31:59.780 with anxiety, I would say, um, the first thing they ought to consider is optimizing their bedroom
00:32:07.460 for quality sleep. The key thing there, well, there are a couple of key things. One is set a time to
00:32:14.920 go to bed at the same time every night. Like you have to get into a routine. If you want to eliminate
00:32:21.180 your anxiety, every anxious person I've met has either been in denial about how little sleep
00:32:26.840 they're getting, or they're going to bed at random hours. And part of the reason for that is what we
00:32:32.600 were talking about earlier is like looking at screens past 9 PM wakes you, wakes you back up.
00:32:39.680 So if you can make the commitment to not look at your screen an hour before you get in bed and just
00:32:47.080 be done with it, like plug your cell phone charger in a different room than your bed. So you can't
00:32:51.620 even be tempted to go look at it. Uh, that's super important and make your room as dark as possible.
00:32:57.480 Get it around 68 degrees, cover up every light source, including alarm clocks and smoke detector
00:33:04.780 lights, like everything. Make it just as dark as possible. Make sleep a huge priority because that
00:33:10.260 will dramatically reduce your anxiety along with play. Like obviously play and sleep, I think are
00:33:18.440 the two biggest areas that people should focus on if they really want to reduce their anxiety.
00:33:23.780 And another thing that I would do during the day is I would take a 20 minute nap after lunch. I would
00:33:29.200 just lay on my back, like often on the floor. And I would just close my eyes and set an alarm on my
00:33:36.280 phone for 20 minutes right after lunch and just focus on breathing. Just breathe in and out, in and
00:33:43.840 out. I wouldn't try and fall asleep, but I often would. And I would always wake up feeling so much
00:33:48.640 better. And naps are amazing. Like kids take them. Other cultures take siestas and stuff like,
00:33:56.200 and naps are proven to reduce your risk of heart disease and all these, all these other things.
00:34:02.900 Like naps are great for reducing anxiety. Uh, there are a number of other things. I think, uh, a thing
00:34:09.200 that a lot of anxious people don't realize is like, um, there are certain, uh, nutrients in their body
00:34:14.840 that get rapidly depleted when they're constantly stressed for a long period of time, because for
00:34:21.500 whatever reason, the brain consumes those resources much faster if you're hyper stressed all the time.
00:34:27.320 And something I found that really helped me a lot within a week or two was when I started
00:34:36.820 supplementing with, uh, two to four servings of omega-3 fatty acids. So cod liver oil. And, uh,
00:34:45.800 I found that I was also deficient in vitamin B12. So there, those, those are two areas that, uh,
00:34:52.980 anxious people are commonly deficient in is, uh, I think it's like methylcobalamin, which is vitamin
00:34:58.800 B12 and omega-3 fatty acids. And two others are, uh, potassium and magnesium, which can be,
00:35:08.000 all of these things can be obtained through food, but for vitamin B12 or vitamin B in general, um,
00:35:15.400 your, your, your gut might not be properly absorbing those things, even if in vitamin Bs in
00:35:21.800 meat, animal products, uh, so, uh, meat, eggs, um, and you might not be absorbing that. So if that's
00:35:30.580 the case, it helps to eat a few forkfuls of sauerkraut so you can get healthy bacteria back into your gut
00:35:37.780 to help properly absorb that stuff. So, um, I think those are just a couple quick areas that people
00:35:46.500 can, if you start taking, um, omega-3, which isn't going to hurt you, I'm not a healthcare
00:35:53.520 professional by the way, so don't hold me accountable. This is just based on a ton of
00:35:58.180 research I've done on this stuff. And also from personal experience and reading about personal
00:36:03.480 experiences of others is if you start supplementing with omega-3, uh, every day for a month,
00:36:09.680 it can really dramatically reduce that in vitamin B, uh, can really calm your brain down. Um, and you
00:36:18.500 know, there's a, there's a bunch of other stuff I talk about in my book that helps. Um, but the,
00:36:23.160 but the key, the two key areas I would say that anybody can focus on more are play, like actually
00:36:30.100 having guilt-free fun with your friends while moving around outdoors rather than viewing exercise
00:36:36.840 as some evil chore, like hopping on a treadmill and being miserable for a half hour. You can just
00:36:43.020 run around outside, play Frisbee with your friends. Same thing, except you're having fun and it's social
00:36:48.220 and, and improving your sleep. So going to bed at the same time, don't look at screens late at night
00:36:53.940 and, uh, take 20 minute naps. Awesome. So yeah, get, take it, get more of what America's deprived
00:36:59.860 of sleep and play. Yeah, exactly. Awesome. Well, Charlie, uh, this has been a great conversation.
00:37:04.840 Your book, uh, definitely inspired me. So I'm going to encourage my listeners to go out and check it
00:37:08.940 out. It's an awesome read. So thank you so much for your time. Yeah. Thank you. Our guest today was
00:37:13.780 Charlie Hoenn. He is the author of Play It Away, A Workaholic's Cure for Anxiety. And you can find that
00:37:18.460 on amazon.com and be sure to visit his website at charliehoenn.com. Well, that wraps up another
00:37:25.820 edition of the art of manliness podcast for more manly tips and advice. Make sure to check out the
00:37:30.120 art of manliness website at artofmanliness.com. And if you don't know already, we've published a
00:37:35.320 new book. It's called heading out on your own 31 life skills in 31 days. It's a book that's geared
00:37:41.140 towards young men who are about to leave the nest and head out on their own. And we cover just skills
00:37:45.700 that they're going to need to know to be well adjusted functioning adults, like how to get a
00:37:50.720 job, how to ace an interview, how to make a budget, how to iron and take care of your clothes. It's a
00:37:57.620 very comprehensive in-depth book. You can find that on amazon.com. So check it out today, heading out
00:38:02.520 on your own. And until next time, this is Brett McKay telling you to stay manly.