The Art of Manliness - 7 Ways to Achieve Tranquility by Tuesday

00:00:00.000 Brett McKay here, and welcome to another edition of the Art of Manliness podcast.

00:00:11.160 A lot of people feel dissatisfied about how they spend their time.

00:00:14.600 They often feel busy, but that busyness doesn't add up to anything.

00:00:17.940 Not to fun, not to fulfillment, not to memories.

00:00:21.640 My guest, Laura Vanderkam, has spent a lot of time thinking about and studying time.

00:00:25.740 And last year, she decided to run an experiment to see if the insight she had gained from that study could help average people get a better handle on their time.

00:00:33.260 She had 150 people try out nine different time management rules, which were sorted into three categories.

00:00:38.720 Calm the chaos, make good things happen, and waste less time.

00:00:42.400 She shares these field-tested strategies from what she called the Tranquility by Tuesday project in her new book by the same name.

00:00:48.440 Today on the show, we talk about my seven favorite rules from Tranquility by Tuesday.

00:00:52.000 Laura explains why you need to give yourself a bedtime, plan your week on Friday, make a punch list for tackling small tasks, and more.

00:00:58.660 We also discuss the principle that can allow you to read 100 books in a year.

00:01:02.140 After the show's over, check out our show notes at awim.is slash Tuesday.

00:01:18.560 All right, Laura Vanderkam, welcome back to the show.

00:01:20.880 Thank you so much for having me back. I really appreciate it.

00:01:24.240 So you spent your career researching and writing about how people spend their time.

00:01:28.280 You do these massive time studies where you have people fill out these extensive time diaries.

00:01:32.540 And as we discussed the last time you were on the show, when you ask people how do they feel about how they spend their time,

00:01:38.960 they always say, like, I'm just really busy.

00:01:41.240 But then when you look at their time diaries, they actually have more time than they think they have.

00:01:45.040 But they still feel dissatisfied with how they're spending their time.

00:01:49.500 Because, you know, most of it, it's like most people, it's taken up with unfulfilling stuff.

00:01:53.060 You know, chores, commute, stressful jobs.

00:01:56.720 So, you know, life just kind of ends up feeling flat and like a slog.

00:02:00.920 Well, then what you started to do, you started to think about how you could help people spend more of their time on the things that matter to them.

00:02:07.140 So last year, you started this project called the Tranquility by Tuesday Project.

00:02:11.740 And you basically brought in people who were following your work and said,

00:02:15.880 let me, maybe we can do something where we can intentionally manipulate things so that we feel better about how we're spending our time.

00:02:24.260 So for a lot of times, your work is just like descriptive, right?

00:02:27.300 Kind of, here's how people spend their time.

00:02:28.760 What led you to be like, I'm going to help people actually spend time on things they really enjoy?

00:02:32.920 Well, I'm always interested in how people can spend their time better.

00:02:38.420 And, you know, I write self-help for busy people.

00:02:41.640 So partly I wanted to check if the things I was suggesting for people actually work.

00:02:46.780 So I realized over the years as people had shared their schedules with me and were often asking for feedback that I was giving a lot of the same advice.

00:02:55.500 So even, you know, when people were in different stages of life or had different sorts of jobs, a lot of the advice turned out to be pretty similar.

00:03:03.900 So I honed this down into nine rules that I thought would have the biggest impact and then decided to test them out.

00:03:11.680 Like what happens if I have 150 people try out these nine rules for nine weeks?

00:03:17.440 And so I measured the people at the beginning in various ways.

00:03:20.740 I had them each week learn a new rule, answer questions about how they plan to implement it in their lives.

00:03:27.300 A week later, followed up to see how it went.

00:03:30.240 Kept measuring people as we did this over and over again for nine weeks, nine rules.

00:03:34.620 And I was happy to find that the end of the study, people's time satisfaction had improved to a high degree.

00:03:41.400 So I really do think that good habits do translate into being happier about our lives.

00:03:47.440 And so you're not just pulling these rules out of the air.

00:03:49.220 Like this was based on the research you had done.

00:03:51.460 It's like, well, people who are happy do these things.

00:03:53.280 So maybe if people are unhappy, if they try them, they might have an improvement as well.

00:03:56.660 And this, the Tranquility by Tuesday was to test that idea.

00:03:59.800 Was to test that idea, yeah.

00:04:01.040 And I would say that the people who did the project, they weren't unhappy.

00:04:04.820 I think they're like many of us.

00:04:06.140 It's just, you know, you're going along in life.

00:04:07.980 It's, you're getting done the things that you have to get done.

00:04:10.600 And it's just that the space for enjoyment and for feeling like life is, you know, not

00:04:17.120 so much this slog of meeting, you know, everything on my to-do list was not so much there.

00:04:22.560 And so that was what I was trying to change.

00:04:24.620 Not, not a total lifestyle overhaul, but just if you follow these nine relatively simple

00:04:30.580 rules, what will happen?

00:04:32.520 And people did start feeling better, you know, about their time.

00:04:36.060 Like they were making more progress on their goals, but also that they were happier with

00:04:39.680 their leisure time.

00:04:40.520 They felt like they were wasting less time on the things that weren't important to them.

00:04:44.920 Well, let's dig into some of these rules.

00:04:46.320 And the first three rules, it's all about gaining more of a sense of control over your

00:04:50.660 schedule.

00:04:51.660 Because I think a lot of people complain about that.

00:04:53.280 I just feel like my schedule just dictates what I do instead of me dictating my schedule.

00:04:57.600 But what's interesting, the first rule in order to get more control over your schedule

00:05:01.920 is give yourself a bedtime.

00:05:04.320 So why do adults need to give themselves a bedtime?

00:05:07.360 What's going on there?

00:05:08.020 Well, pretty much for the same reason that kids do, all right?

00:05:11.440 Like we want to get enough sleep because when we don't get enough sleep most nights, we wind

00:05:18.160 up in a very bad mood and we throw tantrums in the ways that adults do.

00:05:22.400 Maybe they're not so obvious as children, but it has bad effects on ourselves and everyone

00:05:27.200 else nonetheless.

00:05:28.380 And I know from time diary projects that most people are getting enough sleep over the course

00:05:35.240 of a week from a quantitative perspective.

00:05:37.880 The problem is that it can be incredibly disorderly.

00:05:40.860 People wind up undershooting on some days and then overshooting on others.

00:05:44.700 They stay up late and have to get up early.

00:05:46.760 And so then they're working with the sleep debt.

00:05:48.340 And so then they start crashing on the couch at night or sleeping through an alarm or hitting

00:05:51.780 snooze three times.

00:05:52.740 And you nap on weekends and then you can't fall asleep Sunday night and then the whole

00:05:56.680 cycle repeats itself.

00:05:57.960 It is so much better to get the amount of sleep that you need every single night.

00:06:03.280 And since most adults can't really change the time they wake up in the morning, they have

00:06:08.240 to be up at certain times for work or family responsibilities.

00:06:11.760 The only variable that can move is the time you go to bed the night before.

00:06:15.860 So this rule is about telling people, figure out how much sleep you need, look at what

00:06:20.860 time you need to wake up in the morning, count back that number of hours of sleep from that

00:06:26.300 time in the morning, and you have a bedtime.

00:06:28.840 And this is the time you should be aiming to get in bed as many nights as possible.

00:06:33.480 And again, you're an adult.

00:06:34.820 Like if you have a really good reason to blow through it, by all means, be my guest.

00:06:39.080 But it just nudges a choice.

00:06:41.060 It nudges a choice that, you know, if I'm just scrolling around on my phone and we're coming

00:06:45.680 in toward 11 p.m., I should probably get in bed and turn the lights out.

00:06:49.860 And in general, what this helps us do is see that a day has a definite size and shape.

00:06:56.740 I think a lot of people understand that the day has a beginning when your alarm clock goes

00:07:00.820 off.

00:07:01.320 We're a little bit less clear on the notion that a day has an end.

00:07:05.360 But by giving yourself a bedtime, you know, okay, that is the shape of the container, right?

00:07:09.980 This is how much time I have in any given day.

00:07:12.900 I can make a lot of choices about what I do with it.

00:07:15.540 But this is what I'm working with.

00:07:17.940 So I like that because I do think I've noticed in my own life where if I don't have a definite

00:07:22.800 bedtime, I start letting stuff kind of bleed in to nighttime.

00:07:27.860 And I end up doing stuff that, you know, I probably, you know, you start surfing the

00:07:31.500 internet, you're watching a TV show.

00:07:33.380 It's like this, this is not helpful.

00:07:35.600 But if I had a definite time, I'd be like, well, I got it.

00:07:38.000 It's over.

00:07:38.680 So I got to get stuff done before I clock out.

00:07:42.040 Yeah, exactly.

00:07:43.220 And that way you start making more mindful choices about how you spend that time before

00:07:47.800 bed.

00:07:48.160 And that's a time of day that many people find hard to, you know, use well on things that

00:07:52.940 they find necessarily rejuvenating.

00:07:55.060 But if you know that you are working with, let's say, you know, your kids go to bed at

00:07:58.880 830 and you go to bed at 11.

00:08:00.520 Well, that's not a small amount of time.

00:08:02.460 But when you know what it definitely looks like, you can make choices and you can say,

00:08:06.360 well, I'm going to do my chores.

00:08:08.220 And then, hey, I've got two hours and I can actually watch a movie.

00:08:10.760 That would be great.

00:08:11.680 Or, you know, I want to spend an hour working on a hobby and then an hour watching TV or

00:08:16.820 whatever it happens to be.

00:08:17.940 But because you know the shape of the space, you can make mindful choices within it.

00:08:22.740 All right.

00:08:22.860 So bedtime will make you feel better.

00:08:24.920 You'll have less of those tantrums.

00:08:26.680 And just that'll help you be more productive the next day, but also just gives you more

00:08:29.900 shape to your day, more structure.

00:08:32.440 The second rule to give you more structure over your time is plan your week on Friday.

00:08:37.900 So I'm sure a lot of people, they might do some sort of planning.

00:08:41.060 Maybe not.

00:08:41.780 But I do a weekly plan.

00:08:43.860 Why do you recommend Friday?

00:08:45.140 Why that over other days?

00:08:47.020 Well, the most important aspect here is to plan, right?

00:08:50.340 Like, you know, if it's a time that works for you, you have a weekly planning time and

00:08:54.640 you keep to it, then that is fine.

00:08:57.560 I don't want to convince anyone that if something that's working for you is terrible.

00:09:01.280 But I like Fridays for a couple reasons.

00:09:03.860 I mean, one, if you work a sort of Monday through Friday schedule, most people, at least

00:09:08.120 by Friday afternoon, are pretty much sliding into the weekend.

00:09:11.500 It is really hard to start anything new at that point.

00:09:14.520 And so, you know, if you would just be biding your time until it's acceptable to sign off,

00:09:20.060 you may as well repurpose some of that time for planning and turn what might be wasted

00:09:24.760 time into some of your most productive minutes of the week.

00:09:27.920 Planning on Friday allows you to use Monday.

00:09:31.260 If you wait to plan until Monday morning, much of the stuff you're executing on won't happen

00:09:36.260 until later in the day, Monday, or maybe even Tuesday.

00:09:38.780 And again, if Friday is the day we're sliding into the weekend, we've just shortened our work

00:09:42.660 week to three days if we're planning on Monday.

00:09:45.640 You know, Friday is better than Sunday, which is another time a lot of people plan because

00:09:48.980 if you need to make appointments, if you need to call somebody that works at business hours,

00:09:53.880 like you can do that on Friday in a way that you can't on Sunday night.

00:09:57.940 But I think the most important reason is even people who really enjoy their jobs can often

00:10:03.980 feel quite a bit of trepidation on Sunday afternoon going into Sunday evening.

00:10:08.860 And what that tends to be is, you know, there's a lot of stuff waiting for you.

00:10:12.000 You've got this, you know, a huge workload on Monday, a lot of problems that need to be solved.

00:10:16.480 You're not exactly sure what's going on.

00:10:18.860 And so your brain is kind of twirling that stuff around in the background.

00:10:22.120 And that can make you feel a little bit anxious during time that you should be

00:10:25.460 relaxing or hanging out with family.

00:10:28.000 And so if you plan your upcoming week on Friday, then you can go into the weekend

00:10:32.040 more relaxed and, you know, not think about it again until you really need to.

00:10:35.700 Based on your time research, is there an effective way you found people should plan

00:10:40.980 their days like time blocking to, I mean, what have you, is it just what works for you?

00:10:44.760 What have you found?

00:10:46.060 Well, I think this is a matter of knowing yourself and some people really do like to block out

00:10:50.640 big chunks of time for certain activities.

00:10:53.180 Other people really enjoy doing lots of different things on any given day and they appreciate the

00:10:57.940 variety.

00:10:58.440 I think with that, you have to know yourself.

00:10:59.760 I do know that most people do better if they match their sort of most difficult work or

00:11:06.660 the work that maybe even doesn't have to be done, the things that are important but not

00:11:10.480 urgent, to the time when they are best able to handle it.

00:11:13.660 Most people have more energy in the morning, not everybody, but many people do.

00:11:17.780 So morning of a workday at least might be a good time for any of that sort of deep work

00:11:22.580 that really requires intense focus.

00:11:24.940 And then, you know, if you've got those status meetings where everyone's checking in that,

00:11:28.300 yep, you're still doing your job, I mean, if you are going to have those, do those in

00:11:31.700 the afternoon when you are not necessarily at your peak productivity time, but you don't

00:11:37.800 need to be because that doesn't require it.

00:11:40.180 And I imagine if you're married or, you know, you've got a partner, you need to be thinking

00:11:44.400 about doing some sort of weekly planning so that you guys are on the same page too.

00:11:48.880 Definitely.

00:11:49.580 And that might be something that you could do a phone call on Friday.

00:11:53.480 I mean, it might be that you do need to do a second weekend planning session if the two

00:11:57.520 of you can't coordinate it on Friday.

00:11:59.440 Although I do know some people who do a sort of work planning on Friday afternoon and then,

00:12:03.820 you know, have a fun little after dinner beer with their partner and plan the stuff that

00:12:09.100 needs to be planned for the upcoming week.

00:12:10.800 Who's driving who, you know, if somebody is working late one night, who's covering for

00:12:14.700 that, that sort of thing.

00:12:16.200 But yeah, no, it's important to coordinate those sorts of things.

00:12:19.080 But you can also sort of be sending those to each other ahead of time too that both of

00:12:22.920 you then look at during your Friday planning session.

00:12:26.180 So nothing comes up as a huge surprise.

00:12:28.800 So another of these rules to kind of calm the storm is move by 3 p.m.

00:12:33.860 So what does that mean?

00:12:35.180 What are you hoping to accomplish with this?

00:12:37.240 Well, there's a couple reasons for this rule.

00:12:39.260 I mean, one is that physical activity helps us have more energy.

00:12:42.660 There's pretty good evidence that even small bits of physical activity give us a lot of

00:12:46.920 energy for quite a while afterwards.

00:12:48.860 And so, you know, what happens in mid-afternoon for many people is they start getting that

00:12:53.840 second cup of coffee or else, you know, they don't and they're just, you know, reading

00:12:57.640 the same email six times in a row, whereas taking a little break to get up, get some physical

00:13:02.220 activity, fresh air if you can, will definitely boost your mood, boost your energy, let you

00:13:07.220 focus for the rest of the day.

00:13:08.860 But the thing is, in many of us, you know, having such sedentary lifestyles, forcing in a

00:13:14.900 10-minute break somewhere to get some physical activity is going to require you to look

00:13:18.660 at your schedule strategically.

00:13:20.400 You'll have to look at your day and say, oh, what am I doing?

00:13:22.720 Like, what's up ahead?

00:13:23.840 You know, what could move?

00:13:25.080 Where could I force in some space?

00:13:26.780 And that strategic mindset has benefits far beyond just that it's good to get a little

00:13:32.080 bit of physical activity.

00:13:33.320 You start to look at your day hour by hour, sort of as a general surveying the battlefield,

00:13:39.260 like, no, no, we're going to move here at this point and then we're going to do this.

00:13:41.940 And I find that that sense of being proactive is good for many things and not just physical

00:13:48.020 activity.

00:13:49.420 What were the most common obstacles you found with this rule?

00:13:53.300 Well, you know, people would forget that that happens.

00:13:56.900 A lot of people had to start setting an alarm.

00:14:00.160 I think a lot of people were concerned, like, particularly if, you know, I did this time

00:14:05.940 during 2021 and a lot of people were still dealing with COVID restrictions and the like.

00:14:11.880 Many people working from home who had not necessarily been working from home their whole

00:14:15.480 lives and were concerned that, you know, if you're not there for 10 minutes, people will

00:14:20.200 be like, what's she doing?

00:14:21.040 She's just watching Netflix.

00:14:22.480 And, you know, this was a concern people had for a long time.

00:14:25.360 But, you know, a lot of people, or if you're in an office, like, getting up and leaving,

00:14:30.520 like, shows that you are not just, you know, a complete martyr to the cause.

00:14:35.400 And sometimes people are a little bit concerned about coming across as not a complete martyr

00:14:40.160 to the cause.

00:14:40.900 But I will tell you, nobody who tried it had anything bad happen as a result of moving for

00:14:46.660 10 minutes in the course of the day.

00:14:48.780 And many people had quite good things happen.

00:14:51.400 They had been feeling completely worn down, left the office for 10 minutes, came back and,

00:14:56.280 you know, had a solution to whatever problem had been bothering them before.

00:14:59.900 So I encourage people to just give it a try.

00:15:02.680 Even if you think it wouldn't work, even if you start like, oh, I have so much going

00:15:05.840 on, I promise you will feel better afterwards.

00:15:08.560 And this doesn't have to be like a full hour-long workout.

00:15:10.840 You're just saying, I mean, just like 10 minutes, I mean, even like 10 minutes of like a walk

00:15:14.200 or 15 minutes of walk outside.

00:15:15.780 I mean, if it's raining, go up and down the stairs or just do some push-ups or sit-ups.

00:15:19.240 And, you know, if you can get outside, that's great.

00:15:20.820 But 10 minutes, that's it.

00:15:22.660 I'm not talking about full hour-long workouts.

00:15:24.820 I love when people do those.

00:15:26.000 Those are great.

00:15:26.540 But, you know, don't hold that out as the goal if that's just going to make you say,

00:15:30.820 well, then I can't exercise because I'm not the kind of person who can leave for an hour

00:15:34.120 every day at lunch to exercise.

00:15:35.800 Like if that's going to be the problem, say 10 minutes.

00:15:38.720 You can do it somewhere, you know?

00:15:40.320 I'm sure you can find the space somewhere and you will feel better when you do.

00:15:45.020 All right.

00:15:45.180 So the move by three rule, first off, movement is good for you.

00:15:48.640 You got to exercise and you'll feel better, help you be more productive.

00:15:51.540 But also just being intentional, it forces you to, how can I look at my day so I can restructure

00:15:57.220 my schedule to fit this in?

00:15:59.000 That has carryover effects to other parts of your life.

00:16:02.160 Exactly.

00:16:03.460 We're going to take a quick break for your word from our sponsors.

00:16:09.280 And now back to the show.

00:16:11.320 Okay.

00:16:11.860 So that's the calming the storm rules.

00:16:13.700 The next set of rules is about helping people do more of what they think is important.

00:16:19.400 Because I think a lot of times when people say, oh, I'm just so busy, what they're really

00:16:23.520 saying is they're not doing the things that they think are really important.

00:16:27.420 Like I've never said, oh, I'm just so busy when I've got all this great stuff that I'm

00:16:31.760 enjoying, right?

00:16:33.300 I'll say it when I'm like doing stuff I don't really want to do.

00:16:36.380 So the first of these rules to do more of what you think is important is three times a

00:16:40.520 week is a habit.

00:16:41.640 What's the impetus behind this rule?

00:16:44.340 Yeah.

00:16:44.700 So I think people often hold out that they need to do things daily or it's not really

00:16:50.160 a habit.

00:16:50.700 It doesn't count.

00:16:51.540 And I don't know why we have that story we tell ourselves.

00:16:53.960 I mean, even people who think they have daily habits often don't.

00:16:57.120 Like they do these things Monday through Friday and that's five times a week, right?

00:17:00.600 That's not every single day.

00:17:02.220 And so, you know, if somebody thinks daily is five times a week, it strikes me that three

00:17:06.120 times a week is pretty regular.

00:17:07.900 And so where this comes in is we all have these things that we want to do more of.

00:17:13.700 And we feel like maybe they just can't be part of our identities during what I call the

00:17:19.120 busy years.

00:17:19.700 If you are building a career, raising a family.

00:17:22.020 So maybe it's something like eating family meals or practicing a musical instrument or

00:17:27.000 maybe some sort of creative pursuit like writing a blog or some spiritual pursuit, you know,

00:17:32.260 reading sacred texts or praying or anything like that.

00:17:35.380 And, you know, maybe it would be great to do these things every single day.

00:17:38.580 But if we can't, that doesn't mean they can't be part of our lives.

00:17:42.580 And so I tell people, aim for three.

00:17:45.220 Can you do it three times a week?

00:17:47.280 Three times a week is pretty regular.

00:17:49.680 And often we find that we are doing these things maybe once, maybe even twice a week.

00:17:54.700 And so getting to three is not going to require a total lifestyle overhaul.

00:17:59.740 It is just going to require a few small tweaks.

00:18:03.080 So if you want to eat family meals, but you're not eating, you know, at 6 p.m.

00:18:07.460 Monday through Friday, it doesn't work with your schedule.

00:18:09.580 I mean, maybe you see that, well, you generally do eat Sunday dinner together.

00:18:13.340 And maybe you do eat Saturday morning breakfast together.

00:18:16.300 Well, all you have to do is find one more meal in the course of the week.

00:18:21.300 And then you are a family that eats together, right?

00:18:24.680 It can be part of your identity.

00:18:26.520 So I find that people really like this rule.

00:18:28.960 It makes life seem so much more doable.

00:18:32.720 And when people aren't trying to aim for doing something seven times a week,

00:18:36.640 they nudge themselves to do it that extra time or two and often get to three.

00:18:41.000 Whereas if they were holding out for every single day, it just probably wouldn't happen.

00:18:45.060 Yeah.

00:18:45.180 And you make the point too, this three times a week is a habit.

00:18:48.080 It forces people to look at things more holistically, right?

00:18:51.980 If you do dinner three times a week as a family, that's like 150 times a year you're having

00:18:57.340 dinner as a family.

00:18:57.940 That adds up.

00:18:59.040 That's a lot.

00:19:00.760 It is a lot.

00:19:01.680 And it also forces ourselves to look at life in terms of weeks.

00:19:05.640 And I really think this is the better unit of measurement to view our lives.

00:19:09.840 We don't actually live our lives in days.

00:19:11.620 We live our lives in weeks.

00:19:13.760 A normal day is not, you know, Tuesday or Saturday.

00:19:16.560 They both occur just as often.

00:19:18.400 So we want a unit of repeat that includes both of them, which turns out to be a week.

00:19:24.740 And so when you start thinking of your life in weeks and saying, well, where could I do

00:19:28.220 this thing three times during the course of the 168 hours I have each week?

00:19:33.640 It just, you start to approach things as being more doable.

00:19:37.680 It seems like something that you can have as part of your identity, even if life is complex

00:19:42.780 and challenging and occasionally chaotic.

00:19:45.420 So yeah, it reduces the stakes, I think, significantly.

00:19:47.500 It does.

00:19:48.760 So, okay.

00:19:49.320 So three times a week is a habit.

00:19:50.420 So if there's that one thing that you've been wanting to do for a long time and you've

00:19:53.180 been thinking, well, if the only way for it to count is I have to do it every day,

00:19:56.480 like get rid of that.

00:19:57.160 Just like if I can do it three times a week, you have succeeded.

00:19:59.360 I think that can help people make a lot of progress on those things that are important

00:20:02.360 to them.

00:20:03.160 Another rule about doing more things that are important to you is it's one big adventure,

00:20:08.040 one little adventure a week.

00:20:09.360 What is this all about?

00:20:11.440 Yeah.

00:20:11.840 So rule number six in Tranquility by Tuesday is one big adventure and one little adventure.

00:20:16.260 And this is to do every week two things that are memorable, sort of out of the ordinary

00:20:22.160 novel, things that will create memories for you.

00:20:25.620 And before anyone is like, whoa, that sounds a little bit undoable.

00:20:28.760 I'm going to clarify that a big adventure is just something that takes maybe three to four

00:20:32.980 hours.

00:20:33.520 So think half a weekend day.

00:20:35.380 A little adventure can be something that is less than an hour.

00:20:38.860 So doable on a lunch break, doable on a weekday evening, just as long as it is memorable.

00:20:44.420 And doing this just changes our experience of time.

00:20:49.500 We wind up having a lot of days that seem very similar as adults.

00:20:54.100 You know, we get up, we get everyone ready out the door.

00:20:56.200 We do our work during the day, collect everyone at the end, have dinner, baths, bed, TV, do

00:21:01.880 it all over again the next day.

00:21:03.480 And there's nothing wrong with routines because they make good choices.

00:21:06.800 But when too much routine stacks up, we don't really remember the time at all because there's

00:21:13.980 nothing different.

00:21:15.120 There's nothing that our brains are bothering to hold on to.

00:21:18.480 And so if you don't want whole years to disappear into these memory sinkholes, you want to start

00:21:24.120 planning in these little, well, biggish, but, you know, not terribly big adventures each

00:21:29.020 week.

00:21:29.380 So I had people do this.

00:21:30.960 They did all sorts of wonderful things.

00:21:33.380 It might be going to visit a new park where the flowers were blooming.

00:21:37.600 I did this project in the spring of 2021.

00:21:39.880 So that was something people went to, you know, the local ice cream place on the first

00:21:43.720 day it opened for summer.

00:21:45.840 Somebody was on a business trip and went for a run around the harbor in the city that she

00:21:50.160 visited rather than just, you know, get up and go to her meetings.

00:21:53.100 It doesn't have to be crazy, but it's just something that is different.

00:21:58.280 And when people get themselves in the routine of doing this, one big adventure, one little

00:22:02.740 adventure each week, they make time feel more interesting, more like you have stuff to look

00:22:07.400 forward to, but it's also not enough to exhaust or bankrupt anyone.

00:22:12.140 Yeah.

00:22:12.220 I think one of the points you made in your last book, when we talked to you off the clock

00:22:16.200 was when people say they want more time, oftentimes what they really mean is they want more memories.

00:22:21.300 And this one big adventure, one little adventure is what allows you to do that.

00:22:24.660 Yeah, it's all about making these memories and time and our perception of time is influenced

00:22:31.240 by how many memories we have of a given unit of time.

00:22:34.800 That's why people, you know, that's why time feels like it's taking so long on vacation.

00:22:40.140 Like why does time seem to expand when you go somewhere exotic?

00:22:43.440 Well, it's because your brain has no idea what it needs to remember.

00:22:46.900 So it's remembering all of it, right?

00:22:49.200 And that, you know, dense layer of memories makes time feel like it expands, which is

00:22:54.840 completely different from our everyday lives where we aren't making that many memories at

00:22:58.760 all.

00:22:59.020 And so time seems to contract.

00:23:00.780 And I think a lot of us would prefer to have it feel like time is expanding rather than time

00:23:05.360 is contracting.

00:23:06.400 And so just this one little habit of building in one big adventure, one little adventure

00:23:10.420 each week can make time feel more fun and make time feel more memorable.

00:23:15.660 So have you, do you know about Alistair Humphreys?

00:23:17.820 Um, no, no.

00:23:20.240 So Alistair Humphreys is a really, he's a, he's an adventurer.

00:23:22.160 He's like a professional adventurer, but he came with this idea of micro adventures.

00:23:25.560 Oh yes.

00:23:26.200 Yes.

00:23:26.460 Okay.

00:23:26.660 I read this book.

00:23:27.420 Yeah.

00:23:27.680 Micro adventures.

00:23:28.460 So when we had him on the podcast and I read the book, our family did a micro adventure

00:23:33.440 challenge where every, we decided every weekend we're going to do some sort of, it was, I guess

00:23:37.780 it'd be a big adventure.

00:23:38.860 We'd go to some state park we hadn't been to.

00:23:41.040 We're going to go to some roadside attraction on route 66.

00:23:44.380 Cause we've got route 66 that runs right by us.

00:23:46.600 And I remember that, that summer we did that.

00:23:48.840 Like I still, I still remember all that stuff.

00:23:50.860 I still, it's, it's stuck with me and it's been hard.

00:23:54.460 I mean, as the kids have gotten older, when they're gotten, they've gotten more activities

00:23:57.320 and things like that, it's getting harder to do that.

00:23:59.400 But I know when we were intentional about implementing more adventures in our life, like it does,

00:24:04.520 it slows down time and he just, it feels good.

00:24:07.720 It does.

00:24:08.580 I think Alistair's bar for adventure was far higher than mine.

00:24:11.600 I think he was, uh, you know, camping out in various places or people weren't expecting

00:24:15.640 him to camp or something.

00:24:17.660 Right.

00:24:17.820 You know, probably most of us are not going to do that, but I do think that, I mean, adventure

00:24:23.160 is more a state of mind than it is an objective standard of measurement.

00:24:27.100 So if, you know, your family's looking forward to visiting that, you know, tourist trap somewhere

00:24:31.440 and you go do it and you all sort of ironically enjoy it.

00:24:34.240 Sure.

00:24:34.540 That is an adventure, right?

00:24:35.820 That is an adventure.

00:24:36.920 And maybe somebody else like an adventure needs to be like, you know, hiking up a huge mountain

00:24:41.740 and camping under the stars up there.

00:24:43.700 And if that's not you, that doesn't mean adventures aren't possible for you.

00:24:47.820 It just means that we need to find something that feels novel and exciting and adventurous

00:24:52.420 to us and make a habit of building these things in.

00:24:55.760 So yeah, it could be, you know, like a spur of the moment after dinner, we're going to

00:24:58.580 go get ice cream at this cool new place.

00:25:01.020 If that's not something you normally do, then that is 100% an adventure.

00:25:04.420 One thing we've done that that's exciting is just spend the night outside in your backyard.

00:25:07.960 That can really mix things up.

00:25:09.340 That's surprisingly memorable.

00:25:10.700 I think my back would find it quite memorable too, but maybe I'll get into that soon.

00:25:18.200 Okay.

00:25:18.340 And also trying to, you know, this idea of, you know, one big adventure, one little adventure.

00:25:21.800 Again, it's forcing you to look at your time objectively.

00:25:25.020 You might feel busy and you're rushed, whatever.

00:25:28.360 But if you take a step back, you'll probably see that you do have more control and you can

00:25:32.700 put stuff in if you really want to do it.

00:25:35.760 If you want to, absolutely.

00:25:37.220 And, you know, people do get busy with kids stuff, but part of the, you know, upside of

00:25:42.340 this rule is it does nudge you to look at what time is available.

00:25:45.840 And I know I had the experience last year of, we had some weekend day when there was like,

00:25:50.720 I don't know, two soccer games, fall baseball, you know, church, everything else.

00:25:55.440 And I really wanted to go on a hike somewhere.

00:25:57.900 And so I figured out a time, like we had a window, we could, you know, get in the car,

00:26:02.880 drive an hour, hike for two hours, come back for an hour and still make it to the next thing

00:26:07.040 we wanted to do.

00:26:08.200 And if I hadn't thought about the weekend ahead of time, there's absolutely no way that we

00:26:13.060 would have just magically done that in the window of time we had.

00:26:17.000 And so it would have felt like the entire weekend was spent doing children's sports.

00:26:20.860 But because we had thought through the weekend ahead of time and looked to see what would

00:26:25.800 we like to do?

00:26:26.460 What space is available?

00:26:27.580 How can we make this work?

00:26:28.620 It was possible to have the adventure alongside everything else.

00:26:32.640 So another rule, this is rule eight, it's batch little things.

00:26:36.280 What's the purpose of this rule?

00:26:38.720 Well, we all wind up with a lot of small tasks in life.

00:26:42.920 And these are things that are not terribly urgent, not terribly important, but they still have

00:26:47.040 to happen.

00:26:47.560 And I'm sure many of your listeners can feel like they are drowning in these things, whether

00:26:51.700 it's, you know, making appointments, if signing permission slips, paying bills, answering invitations

00:26:58.060 for things.

00:26:59.300 And it can feel like we are always doing these things.

00:27:03.080 And the funny thing about them is, you know, each individual thing, it might take like five

00:27:06.740 seconds, right, to do something, but they can be constantly weighing on us if we don't have

00:27:11.580 a good system for dealing with them.

00:27:13.200 So I tell people, like, set a time for dealing with these small tasks.

00:27:18.500 Give yourself a window when you're going to deal with these small tasks, and then don't

00:27:22.580 do those the rest of the time.

00:27:24.620 Because let's say, you know, you've carved out some time for deep work, you know, you're

00:27:29.620 trying to do those important tasks and really struggling with big business concepts you're

00:27:34.240 thinking about.

00:27:34.900 And then you're like, oh, I need to go fill out that permission slip.

00:27:38.120 Well, you know, you can distract yourself from these things.

00:27:40.620 It didn't have to happen right that minute.

00:27:42.020 It did have to happen, but not right that minute.

00:27:43.960 Whereas if you say, okay, from 1.30 to 2.15 in the afternoon, I'm going to go through

00:27:48.540 this punch list of stuff, then the rest of your time is open for the other things.

00:27:54.240 And you can enjoy it far more.

00:27:56.160 I mean, like, I'm going to do this with chores.

00:27:57.820 Saturday morning, I'm going to do chores from 10 to noon.

00:28:00.760 And what this does is it forces some efficiencies.

00:28:04.140 Like, if it doesn't happen between 10 and noon, it probably wasn't that important.

00:28:08.520 But it also gives you permission to relax the rest of the time.

00:28:12.480 If you find yourself looking at a dirty floor at some other point, you can say, well, there's

00:28:16.500 a time for that from 10 to noon on Saturday.

00:28:18.820 And now is not that time.

00:28:20.160 So I don't need to worry about it.

00:28:21.800 Do you keep like a running list?

00:28:23.040 Like as it comes up in your head?

00:28:24.180 It's like, I need to add this to my batch list?

00:28:26.540 I do.

00:28:27.300 I keep what I call a Friday punch list.

00:28:29.800 I try to batch as many of these things as possible on Friday.

00:28:33.020 If it didn't have to happen in any given day, like it wasn't a particularly urgent thing

00:28:37.580 and I can push it to Friday, then I answer all those invitations or pay those bills or

00:28:42.540 whatever it is that I need to do in one fell swoop on Friday.

00:28:46.300 I feel very productive as I cross thing after thing off my list.

00:28:50.040 But yeah, if one of those things comes up or occurs to me at some other point, I put

00:28:53.280 it on that punch list so that I can tackle it then.

00:28:56.160 So your final rule is effortful before effortless.

00:28:59.560 And I was surprised.

00:29:00.940 I was reading this chapter and I saw a familiar name in this chapter.

00:29:05.440 Jeremy.

00:29:05.880 Yeah, you used former AOM team member Jeremy Anderberg as an example of someone who follows

00:29:11.240 this effortful before effortless rule.

00:29:13.700 So tell us about that.

00:29:15.040 Well, as you know, Jeremy is an incredible reader, right?

00:29:18.020 He manages to make it through just a shocking number of books and we calculated it through

00:29:24.400 and he's, you know, basically reading, I mean, 100 books a year.

00:29:28.740 Easy reads two books a week.

00:29:30.260 You can do the math.

00:29:31.240 That's like 350 pages of books.

00:29:33.080 So he needs to read 100 pages a day.

00:29:34.660 It turns out that takes about two hours a day.

00:29:36.500 So, you know, it's doable, but he is finding two hours a day to read in a life as somebody

00:29:41.380 who works full time, has many young kids.

00:29:44.240 I mean, you know, it's not easy.

00:29:45.840 You have to think about it.

00:29:47.580 And so he has carved out time for reading, you know, first in his life.

00:29:52.280 And I think this is something that a lot of people can do.

00:29:54.980 If you have a spot of leisure time that you know is going to happen, challenge yourself

00:29:59.800 to do something like reading or other sorts of effortful fun first before you do passive

00:30:06.100 leisure like screen time.

00:30:07.500 So maybe you've got an hour at night after the kids go to bed and before you go to bed,

00:30:13.080 you could say, well, I am going to read for 20 minutes and then I can scroll around online

00:30:19.200 or something, or I'm going to do a puzzle for 15 minutes and then I can watch it.

00:30:22.280 The problem is if you start the show first, like you're not going to stop that to go do

00:30:26.900 the puzzle.

00:30:27.520 Like that's just not how our brains work.

00:30:29.120 So then you'll only have one kind of fun.

00:30:31.160 But you can also do this during little chunks of time.

00:30:33.380 And I think this is sort of Jeremy's secret weapon here of how he squeezes in so much time

00:30:37.360 to read is that he uses those little chunks of time, like five minutes while you are waiting

00:30:41.760 for a phone call to start or five minutes while you are waiting for the carpool to bring

00:30:45.460 your kids home.

00:30:46.660 Instead of using that time to scroll around online, Twitter, Instagram, all those things,

00:30:52.060 read an ebook for just a few minutes first.

00:30:54.520 And I'm not saying you have to do it for the whole time.

00:30:56.200 Like if it winds up being longer, if you want to go check social media, fine.

00:30:58.800 But by flipping that automatic order and doing something more effortful first, you can find

00:31:04.020 quite a bit of time in the day in order to make these things happen.

00:31:07.520 Well, that was a trick that I think a lot of people did with a lot of these rules was if

00:31:11.140 a lot of these important things you want to do, they take effort, right?

00:31:13.880 They take planning, you got to have materials.

00:31:16.160 And what a lot of people did is when they did your project, they started thinking of

00:31:20.280 ways, how can I make these effortful tasks more effortless?

00:31:24.220 Like they did some planning ahead so they could do it easily.

00:31:26.980 So with Jeremy, you know, he had the Kindle app on his phone so he could just get in some

00:31:30.200 reading.

00:31:30.780 If you wanted to paint, like you'd have to encourage people to have their painting stuff

00:31:35.800 set up so they could easily just get to it and maybe do five minutes and then move

00:31:39.300 on instead of having like, I got to pull everything out, set it up.

00:31:42.640 Because if that's the case, you're never going to do it.

00:31:44.860 No, you're never going to do it.

00:31:45.880 If it takes too much effort, you won't.

00:31:48.060 And sometimes even the effortful fun, we can lower the effort quite a bit.

00:31:52.320 I mean, one example I use for people is when I travel, you know, I'm waiting for boarding

00:31:57.840 the plane.

00:31:58.500 It's so hard to do anything other than scroll.

00:32:00.500 Like you don't know how much time it is.

00:32:01.980 You don't know, you know, when you need to be ready.

00:32:03.920 Like you're half the time you're standing up because you can't even get a seat anymore in the

00:32:07.780 area.

00:32:08.320 And, you know, so what I do is I try to read very effortless books.

00:32:12.540 I don't know.

00:32:12.840 I like to read books on decluttering or home organization.

00:32:16.280 And it's not, you know, Tolstoy, not by any means, but it still feels a little bit better

00:32:22.020 than looking at ads on Instagram.

00:32:24.020 So that's what I'm trying to do.

00:32:25.880 And, you know, it's a work in progress.

00:32:28.020 It's like all these rules.

00:32:29.480 It's a work in progress.

00:32:30.440 But the more I do effortful fun before effortless fun, the better I feel about my time.

00:32:36.620 With this research you've done and working with people on the Tranquility by Tuesday project,

00:32:40.100 was there a rule or two where you thought if you did this, you'd get a lot of bang for

00:32:44.080 your buck, you know, right away?

00:32:46.100 So I think the giving yourself a bedtime rule is probably what, it's what somebody called the

00:32:51.660 least sexy, but the most impactful rule, right?

00:32:55.640 Because simply controlling how much you sleep every day and making sure you get the amount

00:33:01.300 of sleep you need every single day means everything feels far easier, right?

00:33:06.540 It's so much easier to make good choices when you are not sleep deprived.

00:33:11.600 And I think people are surprised by just how much it matters, but it does.

00:33:17.500 And then the second rule to plan on Friday is kind of what, you know, whenever people ask

00:33:22.400 me that question of how do you do it, which I really don't like that question.

00:33:25.300 But when I get asked that, I would say that honestly, it's the Friday planning, like taking

00:33:30.880 some time every week to think about what needs to happen in the upcoming week.

00:33:35.400 What do I want to have happen in the upcoming week?

00:33:37.800 If there are any problems, how can I solve them?

00:33:40.300 Is there something that I am looking forward to?

00:33:42.740 You know, what am I doing that's important professionally?

00:33:44.680 What am I doing that's important personally?

00:33:46.420 And just taking, you know, 20 minutes on Friday to think through those things and give yourself

00:33:50.700 your marching orders for the next week means that you do calm the chaos.

00:33:54.480 Even if your life is something of a circus, it's like a circus in the sense that it's

00:33:59.020 orderly.

00:33:59.520 Like people are moving around those three rings exactly as they are supposed to be moving

00:34:03.700 around.

00:34:04.220 All the acts are getting where they're supposed to go at the right time.

00:34:07.340 And when things go wrong, there's a plan for dealing with it.

00:34:09.960 So that's probably the second rule that I would say.

00:34:12.620 And that's why those are the first two.

00:34:14.520 I mean, there's a reason for the order.

00:34:17.420 It's not just random.

00:34:18.440 It is that, you know, once we get control of our lives in that way, it is so much easier

00:34:24.160 to do everything else.

00:34:25.480 All right.

00:34:25.600 So bedtime, Friday planning.

00:34:27.980 Start with that.

00:34:28.940 Bedtime and Friday planning.

00:34:29.960 Yep.

00:34:30.320 Well, Laura, this has been a great conversation.

00:34:31.860 Where can people go to learn more about the book and your work?

00:34:34.520 Yeah.

00:34:34.980 So you can come find me at my website, which is lauravandercam.com.

00:34:39.220 You can learn about the book there.

00:34:41.220 I write about topics of time management usually three or four times a week there.

00:34:45.120 And, you know, I love interacting with people.

00:34:47.740 So hope some of your listeners will join me there.

00:34:50.240 Fantastic.

00:34:50.560 Well, Laura Vandercam, thanks for your time.

00:34:51.660 It's been a pleasure.

00:34:52.580 Thanks so much for having me back.

00:34:54.720 My guest name is Laura Vandercam.

00:34:56.340 She's the author of the book, Tranquility by Tuesday.

00:34:58.600 It's available on amazon.com and bookstores everywhere.

00:35:00.940 You can find more information about our work at our website, lauravandercam.com.

00:35:04.540 Also check out our show notes at aom.is slash Tuesday, where you can find links to resources

00:35:08.420 where you delve deeper into this topic.

00:35:15.120 Well, that wraps up another edition of the AOM Podcast.

00:35:19.780 Make sure to check out our website at artofmanliess.com, where you find our podcast archives,

00:35:23.360 as well as thousands of articles written over the years about pretty much anything you'd

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00:35:53.280 Remind you on the list of the AOM Podcast, but put what you've heard into action.

The Art of Manliness - October 24, 2022

7 Ways to Achieve Tranquility by Tuesday

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