#96： Hardwiring Your Brain for Happiness With Dr. Rick Hanson
Episode Stats
Summary
Dr. Rick Hansen is the author of the new book, Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm and Confidence. In this episode, Dr. Hansen talks about how to hardwire your brain for happiness so you can be more resilient.
Transcript
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Brett McKay here and welcome to another edition of the Art of Manliness podcast.
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So our brain has a built in negativity bias, which causes us to focus on negative things
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And this has an evolutionary purpose because it allowed our caveman ancestors to be on
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But in today's modern world, when there aren't any saber-toothed tigers roaming the streets,
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that negativity bias causes us to focus on things that aren't really problems, like the
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guy who cut you off while you're driving, annoying emails, whatever it could be.
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And that causes us to be agitated, depressed, irritated, lonely, angry, whatever.
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But according to our guest, with just a few seconds every day, we can actually train our
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brain and hardwire it to overcome that negativity bias when it's not useful.
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He's the author of the book, Hardwiring Happiness, the New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm and
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And today we're going to talk about how to hardwire your brain for happiness so you can
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You've written other books, but this one is the most recent.
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And I think a first good question to ask before we talk about how you hardwire happiness is,
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People talk about it as hedonia and eudaimonia.
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Hedonia is the happiness of sort of passing experiences, ranging from watching your sports
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Like I watched the Golden Gate Warriors win last night.
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Or hanging out with my family while we watched it.
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Or, you know, going for a run with your dog on the beach.
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And then there's so-called eudaimonia, which has a sense of meaning or fulfillment or purpose
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For example, I think about parents walking their crying baby at three in the morning.
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It's not something that they're particularly happy about, but it's the most meaningful and
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fulfilling thing they've ever done in their life.
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And the two together are what I would call happiness, which, by the way, is not to be
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You know, as you well know, I think, you know, when people are happier, they're tougher.
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You know, the pharmaceutical companies could patent a happy pill based on the research
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We'd be seeing ads for happiness every night on TV.
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So I was interested, is there been any research about happiness in men, specific to men, or
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is it just sort of like happiness is great for whether, whether, either gender, but I'm
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just wondering if there's any specific research, research towards men, if men have a hard time
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being happy or if they need to do things that, you know, how does it benefit men differently
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I'm not a specialist on, you know, sort of gender distinctions in terms of research.
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It would not surprise me if there are specific studies.
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I mean, what is known is that men tend to suppress their feelings more, which can block
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happiness because then you're, you know, the mind-brain system is not like a flush toilet.
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It's like a septic tank and that stuff sticks around.
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So if you just shove it down, it's not like you can send it off to the ocean somewhere.
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So on the one hand, on the other hand, women are more vulnerable to anxiety and depression,
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certainly statistically, partly because of socially constructed events, you know, discrimination,
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sexism, and whatnot, as well as physical health problems.
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So I suspect that it's kind of a toss-up as to which gender or sex is happier in general.
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I do think that men can draw upon, you know, kind of classic masculine things like, you
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know, the desire to get more and more competent at stuff.
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And also men can steer clear of the obstructions that drag down our happiness, like, you know,
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keeping all your feelings inside and sort of imploding internally.
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So, um, you talk about our, our, our temperament that there is a part of our temperament that's
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genetic, that we don't have much control over, but you also say there is a part that we can
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Some of us are more prone to anxiety or depression, and some of us are more prone to, you know,
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How much can we control of our temperament, whether we're, we have, we're prone to happiness
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Uh, the research, uh, on identical twins that are adopted into different homes, especially
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when you correct for the ways that most, uh, adoptions occur into middle-class or upper
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middle-class homes so that you reduce the impact of environment, blah, blah, bottom line at
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one third, two thirds on average, about one third of the factors, the causes that determine
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our happiness or really most any other psychological attribute, um, has to do with just DNA hardwired.
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The other two thirds is based on, um, individual events in a person's life, both external environmental
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Like, did you grow up in poverty or were you traumatized in Iraq somewhere?
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Uh, and also efforts that we make inside ourselves to change ourselves for the better.
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So, you know, I can live with the one third, I don't have control over, but I'm really zeroed
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I do have some control over and trying to, you know, maximize it, trying to do the best
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I can each day to get really good at the two thirds that is under my own power.
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And this is where experience dependent neuroplasticity comes in, right?
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Neuroplasticity, uh, just means, uh, the fact that the brain changes, plasticity means changeable.
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So the bottom line is that we've got a brain and a nervous system broadly that's designed
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A lot of that learning is kind of trivial, factual learning, like, okay, what's your social security
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I mean, that's kind of useful, but where the real action is, is emotional learning, motivational
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learning, social learning, attitudinal learning, honestly, frankly, even spiritual learning.
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And, um, the research shows that that kind of learning, uh, which includes negative learning,
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you know, becoming more anxious or traumatized or irritable or feeling, you know, less and
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And I'm sure we'll get to this, but we've got a brain that's evolved in negativity bias
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that makes it really good at learning from bad experiences, but relatively bad at learning
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Even though learning from good experiences is the primary way to grow resilience, happiness,
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insight, willpower, and other wholesome qualities of mind and heart.
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Why is it that we are, our brains are evolved with the negativity bias?
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Um, people can Google whatever or search on negativity bias.
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The basic rationale for it is that if you imagine back in evolution, let's say we've got a nervous
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system evolving for 600 million years over that long run, you know, in effect, our ancestors,
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uh, including early humans needed both to get carrots like food and avoid sticks like predators
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Well, they're both important, but the difference is if you fail to get a carrot today, you'll
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But if you fail to avoid that stick today, whack, no more carrots forever.
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So we now have a brain that does four things and you can just see in yourself that we do
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One, two, when we find it, we hyper-focus on it.
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You know, if you want to see the big picture, it helps to be having an emotionally positive
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experience because when there's any kind of pain or threat, we lock down on it.
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If you play two sounds for people, for example, inside an MRI, one is pleasant, one is unpleasant,
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The brain literally, wing, will react more to the unpleasant sound.
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And then fourth, that whole package is fast-tracked into emotional memory.
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We remember, uh, you know, bad information about other people more than good information.
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We're more affected by negative interactions in our relationships than positive ones.
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And then in fact, fifth, the last thing is that all this negative experience sensitizes
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So it gets even more and more reactive to the negative.
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All this might've worked back in the stone age, but for, and maybe for some people like
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on a combat tour or living in, you know, a terrible environment.
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Negativity bias is helpful, but for most of us, it's like a learning disability, a well-intended
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learning disability, given that we have a stone age brain in the 21st century.
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And it gets in the way of it, besides giving us a lot of unnecessary negative experiences,
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it gets in the way of a lot of positive learning that would make us more resilient, happier,
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and more effective and skillful in our relationships and at work.
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So, I mean, this is why, you know, we can hear a nice compliment, but we'll forget it,
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but we'll like think about and just dwell upon that one criticism, right?
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Um, so, I mean, um, yeah, you said that we have this stone age brain in the 21st century.
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Is there something about, uh, our, the environment today, and we're talking about affluent Western
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societies where you're not having to worry about whether you're going to, you know, step
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on a landmine or something like that, um, that makes having this negativity bias a detriment
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There you are in your, uh, going through your day and research shows that, uh, especially,
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you know, in the three quarters of people in the world that are not living in terrible,
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horrible conditions, um, in some of whom are, you know, here in America, let's say, uh,
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generally speaking, most people are having predominantly pleasant or neutral experiences
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Now, of course, there are many unfortunate exceptions to that rule, but what happens is
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there you are, you're going through your day, right?
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And then you go through your day and someone, let's say, flips you off on the freeway.
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And, you know, it just hits that, it's upsetting.
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Maybe you feel like, you know, male on male aggression, but you can't get the guy.
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And you think about that event for the rest of the day, even though most of your day was
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So for me, the two practical takeaways are don't obsess about the negative.
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I believe in realistic thinking, see the negatives.
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But don't dwell on it because your brain is like a sponge for any little bit of, I was
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going to use a vulgar term that started with P and I'll leave it at that.
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But anyway, any little bit of stuff that lands on it is going to get sucked in.
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On the other hand, when you're having those ordinary experiences, you know, you get something
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done, you finish an email, your partner is nice to you, you feel kind of, you look in
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You know, you, you know, get to work and you, you know, people compliment you or you feel
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Maybe you do a workout and it feels good in your body.
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Take the extra 10 or 20 seconds to really register that experience using the power of
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experience dependent neuroplasticity to turn that passing mental state into a lasting positive
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And this is, this is how you overcome the negativity bias.
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And it's a lot of little things that I, you know, my book is way into the, you know, how
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to actually do it in a lot of depth and especially how to apply it, how to apply these general
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skills to particular situations like feeling threatened in situations or feeling insecure
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inside or feeling frustrated or disappointed in life and so forth.
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They're dealing with addictions of different kinds, you know, or dealing with relationship
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In other words, if you're having that beneficial experience, don't just skip on to the next
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In effect, why let that, why leave all that money on the table?
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Why not take the extra five or 10 or 20 seconds?
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You know, there's a famous saying, you may know it, neurons, neurons firing together, wire
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And in other words, what we're trying to do is extend the firing to improve the wiring.
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We're also trying to intensify the firing by really feeling this positive, beneficial
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experience, even though it's mild usually, but really feeling it.
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So they wire intensively and also experiencing the experience in your whole body.
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So again, you get those neurons firing to wire that beneficial experience into yourself.
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Any single time you do it won't usually change your life.
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But think of the difference in like an interest rate for your savings account or your retirement,
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you know, between, let's say, six and five percent or six and four percent.
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On any given day, the difference between six and four percent is not a big deal.
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But if you gradually accumulate that difference over a month, let alone a year, let alone a
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lifespan, as it compounds, that little difference makes an enormous difference.
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So I'd ask people, what's your growth rate as you go through your day?
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You know, what's your learning rate as you go through your day?
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And my whole focus is on helping people really steepen their learning curve by getting
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competent at helping their brain change for the better.
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But that's part of what makes it legit because it's not a quick fix.
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And so, you know, you're building muscle, in effect, metaphorically speaking, in your
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And studies show that you're actually changing your brain over time when you do these kind
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And I think, just to kind of finish on a point here, we're good, generally speaking, at having
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In other words, at activating useful mental states.
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Most people suck at converting those passing mental states into any kind of lasting change
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In other words, we tend to be poor, whether professionally as therapists, let's say, or
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informally as we're just trying to help ourselves along the way.
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We tend to be poor at installation, at helping the experience really, really sink in.
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And it's appropriate to take up the challenge to, you know, really help your brain capture
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the benefit of your ordinary beneficial experiences instead of wasting them.
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So, it seems like the negativity bias, if I'm right, correct me if I'm wrong, is this
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I mean, if you think about it, you know, lizards, man, they got to really learn from pain.
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I mean, it's all over the brain, the negativity bias.
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So, but it seems like you need to really use that prefrontal cortex to be self-directed
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I think that's a good way to put it, Brett, in the beginning.
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In other words, in the beginning, we do it deliberately.
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You know, you realize, hey, half a dozen times a day, half a minute at a time, that's less
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If I'm already having a little moment of feeling strong inside myself, let's say, or a little
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moment of being satisfied or like I accomplished something, like I'm a success or a little
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moment, let's say, of feeling connected to somebody else or being, you know, caring and
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When you're having those little moments, show up for them, let them land, let them really,
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So in the beginning, yeah, you do it deliberately, but there's this natural movement in learning
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You start developing the habit of taking in the good in your flow of everyday life.
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And also that habit increasingly is grounded in lower structures in the brain, not just
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prefrontal structures that are motivational structures.
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You start leaning toward the good and you start kind of being receptive to it in your body,
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which is a very embodied, you know, lower brain kind of learning.
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But how do you do this when things get crazy, right?
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Whenever, this is the, you know, I'll admit, I think you wrote and talked about this in
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I've even had my genetic, my genome sequence and I found out I have like the warrior gene,
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And so, you know, being, you know, resilient and focusing on the positive and not letting the
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negativity bias get me down has always been a struggle for me.
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And I'll get in these kicks where like, I'll do really well for a few weeks.
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And then someday just something, just everything will just go completely nuts and I'll just
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Um, whenever you're just, everything's going crazy and you forget, you go into that reactive
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Wait, uh, uh, I think first and foremost, when you're in that setback moment is to ride out
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the storm and not make a bad thing worse, not pour, you know, gasoline on the fire.
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So, uh, I think that there are just three ways to engage your mind productively, uh, to number
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one, be with what's there without trying to change it, just witness it, hopefully with kind
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of mindful, spacious awareness to reduce the negative, you know, let go of those ideas that
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aren't helping you release the feelings, let the tension drain out of your body, realize that you
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can't drink like you used to when you were 20 years old, you know, let go of those unwholesome
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And then third way to engage the mind is to grow the positive, increase your inner strengths of
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resilience, gratitude, compassion for yourself, compassion for other people, confidence, you
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know, interpersonal skills, et cetera, you know, build the good, grow the good inside yourself.
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So even though I've been focusing here so far on the third one of these, um, there it's in the
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So I would say that when everything goes crazy, um, you know, feel the feelings, uh, see what's
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Like what's going on inside me that I, you know, this stuff's happening.
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It doesn't mean you're doing therapy on yourself.
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Um, it means more like you're, you're being honest about what's really going on inside.
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And you're, you have enough courage, honestly, you're brave enough to open to your own feelings
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But then usually in the moment, there's a transition.
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Sometimes it's hours or days where it's time to move out of just being with what's there.
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Two, letting it go, you know, stepping out of the struggle with somebody else, letting
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go of unrealistic ideas about what's going to happen here.
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Um, you know, uh, apologizing for how you screwed up, let's say, you know, letting it
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And then third, looking for the lessons, you know, what's the takeaway here?
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You know, well, how can I grow through this screwed up experience?
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And I think those three ways to engage the mind, give us a kind of roadmap.
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And, um, then there's what we can do offstage to prepare for those moments.
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And one of the things I love about your website in a lot of ways, it's about helping people
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prep, you know, in the locker room, as it were, for when they're suddenly out there on
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the playing field and they've got to draw upon what they developed inside themselves.
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And so for me, that goes to what I call key resource experiences as a whole model of that
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The super fast version is that inside us all is a little lizard, a little mouse, and a
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little monkey that, you know, metaphorically corresponds to the reptilian brainstem, mammalian
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subcortex and primate human cortex, which loosely relates to our three core needs, safety,
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So if you're talking about myself as someone, you know, vulnerable to anxiety or yourself
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as having the war, the worrier gene distinct from the warrior gene, right?
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I probably have both genes from my Scottish heritage, but anyway, um, you know, then you
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think to yourself, okay, that's the safety system issue.
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Worry has to do the safety system, feeling threatened when everything goes crazy.
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So what I can do over time is build up an internal felt sense of different resources inside,
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like recognizing that I'm actually okay, even when things are going crazy, or like feeling
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protected, or like feeling that I've got others who are cheering me on and have my back, or
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like feeling, um, a very strong sense of grit and hardiness and determination inside.
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You know, I may have been whacked around hard here, but I'm not going to be defeated by this
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And then as you repeatedly through neurons that fire together, wire together repeatedly,
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uh, install those key resource experiences that are targeted at an issue that you know,
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You know, you know, it's going to happen as you grow those resources inside yourself.
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Well, increasingly in many studies back this up, increasingly, you become able to deal with
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the situations or the relationship issues, whatever the financial losses that used to
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have you seeing red, you know, and pushing you over the edge.
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But instead you can deal with the exact same tough times, tough situation while staying in
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what I call the green zone where, you know, you feel strong inside, you feel centered inside.
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Uh, you have a fundamental core wellbeing and happiness that this screwed up situation cannot
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And on the basis of that, you're dealing with those challenges.
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Whenever I have feel that, that cortisol surge when I'm getting like anxious, like I always
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like stop and remind myself, like I'm not being chased by a saber tooth tiger.
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Like I might, my, it's the, my life's not at risk.
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Cause usually you get upset about these really dumb modern things that aren't really problems.
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Our kids joke, they call them first world problems.
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So you alluded earlier that this whole idea of hardwiring happiness is more about, is it,
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is it, it's more than just feeling good about yourself, feeling good about life, being resilient.
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It's about learning, uh, being a better learner.
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I mean, how, how does that, how does all this play into being a, just a better learner overall
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Um, well, if you think about it, we can't do anything about the past, right?
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It's done and the present moment when it boom pops into existence and then vanishes out
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of existence to the next moment, boom, the present moment, you can't, it is what it is.
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But what we can do something about is how much we learn from here that if you think of it as
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our most fundamental property, it's, and it's also what we earn.
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So I'm very, you know, old school, I've been a therapist a long time.
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I think it's maybe nicer, but it's made me tougher.
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But if, and I see, frankly, Brett, tons of people that will get, that will work hard to
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get good at stuff that they will tell you don't matter much, like some software program
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they're learning at work or some detail of, you know, dealing with their boss.
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And they won't put much effort into getting good at stuff that they'll tell you do does
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matter a lot, like becoming a better parent or a better partner or, you know, more skillful
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and effective in how they deal with others or how they manage their own thoughts and feelings.
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And so for me, it's, you know, the larger frame here is around competence and getting
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In other words, learning the how of learning, which is a fundamental neuropsychological process.
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And so for me, this is a really important thing that's been under our nose that we don't
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pay enough attention to, you know, how do we actually learn and how can you use how your
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brain learns to help yourself, you know, whatever it might be there they are reading, let's say,
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you know, one of the extremely well-written, I got to say, pieces on your website or listening
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It's a momentarily interesting, beneficial experience.
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Let's say it's interesting, but what's the takeaway and how can you help that
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So you have a steeper learning curve rather than a flatter learning curve from whatever
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you're doing in life, including, you know, listening to a podcast.
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It's, and it usually feels good because most, um, the basis for most inner strengths, like
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resilience, determination, you know, uh, insight into other people inside into yourself,
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many other aspects of, um, success in life and happiness and longevity.
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You know, what we really care about, um, you know, much research shows that you really
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can help yourself, you know, be a stronger man, be a wiser man, be a more loving and virtuous
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man at the end of the day than when you were, when you woke up.
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That's where the rubber meets the road every day.
00:26:37.820
Well, I always like to end these, uh, our podcast with some, like just a practical takeaway.
00:26:43.300
So what's, what's one, one, one thing that listeners can do as soon as they're done listening to
00:26:47.440
this podcast that they can, that'll help them hardwire themselves for happiness and more
00:26:53.840
I'd say one thing to do is a notice in this moment that you're actually basically all right,
00:27:02.780
There's probably enough water in it and a food, you're not an agonizing pain.
00:27:07.800
The brain is actually designed to trick us into thinking that we're always not quite all
00:27:13.160
So that we're going to scratch and claw and, you know, fight off the saber tooth tiger
00:27:20.540
We're actually usually all right, basically in any moment.
00:27:27.580
I'd look for the opportunity to feel like, wow, I already have so many good things in
00:27:34.300
my life, including the opportunity to listen to a podcast like this with modern technology.
00:27:39.160
And it doesn't mean I'm not going to be ambitious.
00:27:41.820
It doesn't mean I'm not going to be passionate and, you know, competitive and so forth.
00:27:46.760
But I can do that on the basis of feeling like I'm already entirely satisfied in a kind
00:27:56.360
And then I would just finish by saying, pick one thing that you're trying to grow in yourself
00:28:02.980
It could be one thing today or one thing in general this week, this month, this quarter.
00:28:10.140
And then look for opportunities to have an experience of that thing you're trying to
00:28:18.940
Are you trying to have a deeper feeling of your own worth?
00:28:21.520
Are you trying to help yourself be a better listener?
00:28:23.640
Because you can see that's going to work a lot better, you know, in your intimate relationships.
00:28:29.680
When you have opportunities to experience that positive, beneficial mental state, slow it
00:28:44.600
Hang out with it 12, you know, one, two, three dozen seconds in a row to really help
00:28:50.580
it sink into yourself and try to do that at least once a day.
00:28:54.280
And I bet, I predict that if a person does that 10 days in a row, you're going to fundamentally
00:29:02.860
So, Dr. Hansen, where can people find out more about your work?
00:29:07.380
My website, rickhansen.net, S-O-N, rickhansen.net is chock full of freely offered resources.
00:29:14.380
And they can learn all about me really at that website, rickhansen, S-O-N.net.
00:29:19.600
Well, Rick Hansen, thank you so much for your time.
00:29:26.240
He's the author of the book, Hardwiring Happiness, The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm and
00:29:30.620
Confidence, and you can find that book at amazon.com and bookstores everywhere.
00:29:35.000
You can also find out more information about his work at rickhansen.net, as well as his
00:29:39.600
foundations of well-being at fwb.rickhansen.net.
00:29:45.460
Well, that wraps up another edition of the Art of Manliness podcast.
00:29:48.940
For more manly tips and advice, make sure to check out the Art of Manliness website
00:29:53.980
And I'd really appreciate it also if you check out our Art of Manliness store at
00:29:59.220
You'll find all sorts of Art of Manliness products there, a coffee mug that's really
00:30:03.700
You could bludgeon someone with it, Art of Manliness t-shirts, a Rudyard Kipling if poster.
00:30:10.020
And we also have a journal there inspired by Benjamin Franklin's Virtue Diary that he
00:30:15.480
It's a one-of-kind product, and it's a great thing to use to kind of track your progress
00:30:22.180
Your purchases there will support the podcast and the Art of Manliness website.
00:30:27.600
And until next time, this is Brett McKay telling you to stay manly.