The Art of Manliness - July 31, 2025


#96: Hardwiring Your Brain for Happiness With Dr. Rick Hanson


Episode Stats

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2


Summary

Dr. Rick Hansen is the author of the new book, Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm and Confidence. In this episode, Dr. Hansen talks about how to hardwire your brain for happiness so you can be more resilient.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Brett McKay here and welcome to another edition of the Art of Manliness podcast.
00:00:18.920 So our brain has a built in negativity bias, which causes us to focus on negative things
00:00:25.140 and sort of ignore the positive.
00:00:27.120 And this has an evolutionary purpose because it allowed our caveman ancestors to be on
00:00:31.940 the lookout for things that could kill them.
00:00:33.940 But in today's modern world, when there aren't any saber-toothed tigers roaming the streets,
00:00:38.520 that negativity bias causes us to focus on things that aren't really problems, like the
00:00:43.940 guy who cut you off while you're driving, annoying emails, whatever it could be.
00:00:48.460 And that causes us to be agitated, depressed, irritated, lonely, angry, whatever.
00:00:53.300 But according to our guest, with just a few seconds every day, we can actually train our
00:00:58.420 brain and hardwire it to overcome that negativity bias when it's not useful.
00:01:04.180 His name is Dr. Rick Hansen.
00:01:06.040 He's the author of the book, Hardwiring Happiness, the New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm and
00:01:10.500 Confidence.
00:01:11.120 And today we're going to talk about how to hardwire your brain for happiness so you can
00:01:14.880 be more resilient.
00:01:16.160 Let's do this.
00:01:21.120 Dr. Rick Hansen, welcome to the show.
00:01:23.680 Thank you, Brett.
00:01:24.820 Okay.
00:01:25.140 So your book is Hardwiring Happiness.
00:01:27.820 You've written other books, but this one is the most recent.
00:01:31.060 And I think a first good question to ask before we talk about how you hardwire happiness is,
00:01:35.740 what exactly do you mean by happiness?
00:01:38.820 Is it a bliss?
00:01:39.760 Is it pleasure?
00:01:41.080 Is it optimism?
00:01:42.280 Is it a life of meaning?
00:01:44.000 What's happiness?
00:01:45.260 That's a great question.
00:01:45.980 I think of it mainly as well-being.
00:01:49.120 And well-being has two aspects to it.
00:01:51.500 People talk about it as hedonia and eudaimonia.
00:01:56.480 You may be familiar with those terms already.
00:01:58.320 Oh, we are.
00:01:58.720 Hedonia.
00:01:59.200 Yeah.
00:01:59.580 Hedonia is the happiness of sort of passing experiences, ranging from watching your sports
00:02:05.860 team win.
00:02:06.640 Like I watched the Golden Gate Warriors win last night.
00:02:09.660 I'm happy about that.
00:02:10.660 Or hanging out with my family while we watched it.
00:02:12.840 That was making me happy.
00:02:14.020 Or, you know, going for a run with your dog on the beach.
00:02:16.620 Seeing a beautiful sunset.
00:02:18.440 Making love.
00:02:19.600 That's all kinds of happiness.
00:02:20.940 Ordinary hedonia.
00:02:22.280 And then there's so-called eudaimonia, which has a sense of meaning or fulfillment or purpose
00:02:28.220 in life.
00:02:28.960 For example, I think about parents walking their crying baby at three in the morning.
00:02:34.400 It's not something that they're particularly happy about, but it's the most meaningful and
00:02:39.020 fulfilling thing they've ever done in their life.
00:02:40.940 And the two together are what I would call happiness, which, by the way, is not to be
00:02:45.620 poo-pooed.
00:02:46.340 You know, as you well know, I think, you know, when people are happier, they're tougher.
00:02:50.660 They're more resilient.
00:02:51.640 They're more able to bounce back.
00:02:53.000 They have a stronger immune system.
00:02:54.840 They live longer.
00:02:56.540 They have more fulfilling relationships.
00:02:58.340 You know, the pharmaceutical companies could patent a happy pill based on the research
00:03:03.520 proven benefits it has for us.
00:03:05.540 We'd be seeing ads for happiness every night on TV.
00:03:07.780 So I was interested, is there been any research about happiness in men, specific to men, or
00:03:14.160 is it just sort of like happiness is great for whether, whether, either gender, but I'm
00:03:18.680 just wondering if there's any specific research, research towards men, if men have a hard time
00:03:22.540 being happy or if they need to do things that, you know, how does it benefit men differently
00:03:27.580 than women?
00:03:28.200 Or is there-
00:03:28.460 That's a really interesting question.
00:03:30.280 I'm not a specialist on, you know, sort of gender distinctions in terms of research.
00:03:34.880 It would not surprise me if there are specific studies.
00:03:39.040 I mean, what is known is that men tend to suppress their feelings more, which can block
00:03:46.020 happiness because then you're, you know, the mind-brain system is not like a flush toilet.
00:03:52.160 It's like a septic tank and that stuff sticks around.
00:03:55.120 So if you just shove it down, it's not like you can send it off to the ocean somewhere.
00:03:59.320 It's with you.
00:04:00.100 So on the one hand, on the other hand, women are more vulnerable to anxiety and depression,
00:04:05.140 certainly statistically, partly because of socially constructed events, you know, discrimination,
00:04:11.260 sexism, and whatnot, as well as physical health problems.
00:04:14.340 So I suspect that it's kind of a toss-up as to which gender or sex is happier in general.
00:04:21.600 I do think that men can draw upon, you know, kind of classic masculine things like, you
00:04:29.940 know, the desire to get more and more competent at stuff.
00:04:33.100 And also men can steer clear of the obstructions that drag down our happiness, like, you know,
00:04:39.080 keeping all your feelings inside and sort of imploding internally.
00:04:42.460 Okay.
00:04:42.480 So, um, you talk about our, our, our temperament that there is a part of our temperament that's
00:04:48.600 genetic, that we don't have much control over, but you also say there is a part that we can
00:04:53.360 control, right?
00:04:54.400 Some of us are more prone to anxiety or depression, and some of us are more prone to, you know,
00:04:59.060 risk-taking and optimism.
00:05:01.320 Yeah.
00:05:01.400 I mean, what is the breakdown?
00:05:02.500 How much can we control of our temperament, whether we're, we have, we're prone to happiness
00:05:06.520 or, uh, Eeyore-ism?
00:05:08.440 Yeah, exactly.
00:05:10.320 Uh, the research, uh, on identical twins that are adopted into different homes, especially
00:05:16.000 when you correct for the ways that most, uh, adoptions occur into middle-class or upper
00:05:21.660 middle-class homes so that you reduce the impact of environment, blah, blah, bottom line at
00:05:26.620 one third, two thirds on average, about one third of the factors, the causes that determine
00:05:32.840 our happiness or really most any other psychological attribute, um, has to do with just DNA hardwired.
00:05:41.480 It's in our genetics.
00:05:42.620 Okay.
00:05:43.080 The other two thirds is based on, um, individual events in a person's life, both external environmental
00:05:49.520 factors.
00:05:50.020 Like, did you grow up in poverty or were you traumatized in Iraq somewhere?
00:05:54.100 Uh, and also efforts that we make inside ourselves to change ourselves for the better.
00:05:59.480 So, you know, I can live with the one third, I don't have control over, but I'm really zeroed
00:06:04.840 in on the two thirds.
00:06:06.260 I do have some control over and trying to, you know, maximize it, trying to do the best
00:06:10.600 I can each day to get really good at the two thirds that is under my own power.
00:06:15.160 Okay.
00:06:15.200 And this is where experience dependent neuroplasticity comes in, right?
00:06:18.760 You got it exactly right.
00:06:19.840 That's a mouthful, isn't it?
00:06:20.940 Yeah, it is.
00:06:21.480 Yeah.
00:06:22.860 Neuroplasticity, uh, just means, uh, the fact that the brain changes, plasticity means changeable.
00:06:27.640 So the bottom line is that we've got a brain and a nervous system broadly that's designed
00:06:33.140 to be changed by our experiences.
00:06:35.180 That's how we learn.
00:06:36.080 A lot of that learning is kind of trivial, factual learning, like, okay, what's your social security
00:06:41.500 number?
00:06:42.000 I mean, that's kind of useful, but where the real action is, is emotional learning, motivational
00:06:47.580 learning, social learning, attitudinal learning, honestly, frankly, even spiritual learning.
00:06:52.380 And, um, the research shows that that kind of learning, uh, which includes negative learning,
00:06:58.700 you know, becoming more anxious or traumatized or irritable or feeling, you know, less and
00:07:03.960 less sense of worth over time.
00:07:05.220 That too is a kind of learning.
00:07:06.800 And I'm sure we'll get to this, but we've got a brain that's evolved in negativity bias
00:07:11.820 that makes it really good at learning from bad experiences, but relatively bad at learning
00:07:16.980 from good experiences.
00:07:18.120 Even though learning from good experiences is the primary way to grow resilience, happiness,
00:07:24.900 insight, willpower, and other wholesome qualities of mind and heart.
00:07:29.000 Yeah.
00:07:29.080 Why is it that we are, our brains are evolved with the negativity bias?
00:07:32.900 What was the purpose of that?
00:07:34.800 Yeah.
00:07:35.380 Um, people can Google whatever or search on negativity bias.
00:07:38.720 There's a, so much research on it right now.
00:07:40.700 The basic rationale for it is that if you imagine back in evolution, let's say we've got a nervous
00:07:46.340 system evolving for 600 million years over that long run, you know, in effect, our ancestors,
00:07:52.720 uh, including early humans needed both to get carrots like food and avoid sticks like predators
00:07:59.740 becoming food for other animals, right?
00:08:02.460 Well, they're both important, but the difference is if you fail to get a carrot today, you'll
00:08:06.720 have a chance at a carrot tomorrow.
00:08:08.040 But if you fail to avoid that stick today, whack, no more carrots forever.
00:08:12.380 So we now have a brain that does four things and you can just see in yourself that we do
00:08:17.500 this, uh, continually scans for bad news.
00:08:20.500 One, two, when we find it, we hyper-focus on it.
00:08:24.300 You know, if you want to see the big picture, it helps to be having an emotionally positive
00:08:28.300 experience because when there's any kind of pain or threat, we lock down on it.
00:08:32.540 And then three, we overreact to it.
00:08:34.960 If you play two sounds for people, for example, inside an MRI, one is pleasant, one is unpleasant,
00:08:40.320 and they're equally loud.
00:08:41.540 The brain literally, wing, will react more to the unpleasant sound.
00:08:45.860 And then fourth, that whole package is fast-tracked into emotional memory.
00:08:50.480 We learn faster from pain than pleasure.
00:08:52.460 We remember, uh, you know, bad information about other people more than good information.
00:08:57.120 We're more affected by negative interactions in our relationships than positive ones.
00:09:01.960 And then in fact, fifth, the last thing is that all this negative experience sensitizes
00:09:07.260 the brain.
00:09:07.860 So it gets even more and more reactive to the negative.
00:09:10.420 All this might've worked back in the stone age, but for, and maybe for some people like
00:09:14.740 on a combat tour or living in, you know, a terrible environment.
00:09:18.740 All right.
00:09:19.480 Negativity bias is helpful, but for most of us, it's like a learning disability, a well-intended
00:09:25.320 learning disability, given that we have a stone age brain in the 21st century.
00:09:29.100 And it gets in the way of it, besides giving us a lot of unnecessary negative experiences,
00:09:33.880 it gets in the way of a lot of positive learning that would make us more resilient, happier,
00:09:39.460 and more effective and skillful in our relationships and at work.
00:09:43.400 Yeah.
00:09:43.540 So, I mean, this is why, you know, we can hear a nice compliment, but we'll forget it,
00:09:47.840 but we'll like think about and just dwell upon that one criticism, right?
00:09:51.180 Yep.
00:09:51.660 For days.
00:09:52.540 And it just eats at us.
00:09:53.860 Yeah.
00:09:54.500 Um, so, I mean, um, yeah, you said that we have this stone age brain in the 21st century.
00:09:58.140 Is there something about, uh, our, the environment today, and we're talking about affluent Western
00:10:04.600 societies where you're not having to worry about whether you're going to, you know, step
00:10:08.040 on a landmine or something like that, um, that makes having this negativity bias a detriment
00:10:13.520 as opposed to an asset?
00:10:15.840 Yeah, absolutely.
00:10:16.620 There you are in your, uh, going through your day and research shows that, uh, especially,
00:10:22.680 you know, in the three quarters of people in the world that are not living in terrible,
00:10:27.380 horrible conditions, um, in some of whom are, you know, here in America, let's say, uh,
00:10:33.040 generally speaking, most people are having predominantly pleasant or neutral experiences
00:10:37.820 interspersed with occasional negative ones.
00:10:40.460 Now, of course, there are many unfortunate exceptions to that rule, but what happens is
00:10:44.360 there you are, you're going through your day, right?
00:10:46.520 You know, you get up, it feels okay.
00:10:48.500 You, you know, I have breakfast.
00:10:49.800 It's fine.
00:10:50.500 Plenty to eat.
00:10:51.440 It's all pleasant, pleasant.
00:10:52.960 And then you go through your day and someone, let's say, flips you off on the freeway.
00:10:57.560 And, you know, it just hits that, it's upsetting.
00:11:01.760 Maybe you feel like, you know, male on male aggression, but you can't get the guy.
00:11:06.520 And you think about that event for the rest of the day, even though most of your day was
00:11:12.260 perfectly good.
00:11:13.460 So for me, the two practical takeaways are don't obsess about the negative.
00:11:17.800 If it happens, it happens.
00:11:19.160 I don't believe in positive thinking.
00:11:20.940 I believe in realistic thinking, see the negatives.
00:11:23.580 Okay.
00:11:24.460 React to them appropriately.
00:11:26.180 Do what you need to do.
00:11:27.520 Fine.
00:11:28.100 But don't dwell on it because your brain is like a sponge for any little bit of, I was
00:11:35.640 going to use a vulgar term that started with P and I'll leave it at that.
00:11:38.580 But anyway, any little bit of stuff that lands on it is going to get sucked in.
00:11:42.280 On the other hand, when you're having those ordinary experiences, you know, you get something
00:11:47.020 done, you finish an email, your partner is nice to you, you feel kind of, you look in
00:11:52.380 the mirror and you don't look too bad.
00:11:54.220 You know, you, you know, get to work and you, you know, people compliment you or you feel
00:12:00.380 good about yourself.
00:12:01.120 Maybe you do a workout and it feels good in your body.
00:12:04.020 Take the extra 10 or 20 seconds to really register that experience using the power of
00:12:10.480 experience dependent neuroplasticity to turn that passing mental state into a lasting positive
00:12:17.780 neural trait.
00:12:19.440 And this is, this is how you overcome the negativity bias.
00:12:21.560 Yeah, exactly right.
00:12:22.800 And it's a lot of little things that I, you know, my book is way into the, you know, how
00:12:28.080 to actually do it in a lot of depth and especially how to apply it, how to apply these general
00:12:32.860 skills to particular situations like feeling threatened in situations or feeling insecure
00:12:38.960 inside or feeling frustrated or disappointed in life and so forth.
00:12:42.800 They're dealing with addictions of different kinds, you know, or dealing with relationship
00:12:46.300 issues.
00:12:46.960 So that's cool.
00:12:47.680 But the essence is really simple.
00:12:49.460 Have it, enjoy it.
00:12:50.620 In other words, if you're having that beneficial experience, don't just skip on to the next
00:12:55.900 thing.
00:12:56.800 Give it to yourself.
00:12:58.040 You know, why not?
00:12:58.980 Why waste all that money?
00:13:00.600 In effect, why let that, why leave all that money on the table?
00:13:03.580 Why waste those experiences on your brain?
00:13:05.760 Why not take the extra five or 10 or 20 seconds?
00:13:08.900 It's private.
00:13:09.680 No one needs to know you're doing it.
00:13:11.520 Hang out with the experience.
00:13:13.660 You know, there's a famous saying, you may know it, neurons, neurons firing together, wire
00:13:18.640 together.
00:13:19.520 And in other words, what we're trying to do is extend the firing to improve the wiring.
00:13:26.200 We're also trying to intensify the firing by really feeling this positive, beneficial
00:13:31.700 experience, even though it's mild usually, but really feeling it.
00:13:35.840 To get those neurons firing intensively.
00:13:38.760 So they wire intensively and also experiencing the experience in your whole body.
00:13:43.400 So again, you get those neurons firing to wire that beneficial experience into yourself.
00:13:49.660 Any single time you do it won't usually change your life.
00:13:53.480 But think of the difference in like an interest rate for your savings account or your retirement,
00:13:58.020 you know, between, let's say, six and five percent or six and four percent.
00:14:01.700 On any given day, the difference between six and four percent is not a big deal.
00:14:06.100 But if you gradually accumulate that difference over a month, let alone a year, let alone a
00:14:11.680 lifespan, as it compounds, that little difference makes an enormous difference.
00:14:16.900 So I'd ask people, what's your growth rate as you go through your day?
00:14:21.980 You know, what's your learning rate as you go through your day?
00:14:24.200 Is it flat, shallow or steep?
00:14:26.820 And my whole focus is on helping people really steepen their learning curve by getting
00:14:33.340 competent at helping their brain change for the better.
00:14:37.160 But it isn't an overnight process.
00:14:39.000 Usually not.
00:14:39.680 No.
00:14:40.060 But that's part of what makes it legit because it's not a quick fix.
00:14:42.880 It's not pie in the sky.
00:14:44.020 It's not looking on the bright side.
00:14:45.720 You know, it's not just smell the flowers.
00:14:47.960 Although, hey, those flowers smell good.
00:14:49.760 Why not smell them?
00:14:50.680 You know, they're there to be smelled.
00:14:52.120 But I'm really talking about muscle.
00:14:54.140 And so, you know, you're building muscle, in effect, metaphorically speaking, in your
00:14:59.280 brain, not literally.
00:15:00.660 But you're building neural structures.
00:15:02.640 And studies show that you're actually changing your brain over time when you do these kind
00:15:08.080 of practices.
00:15:09.480 And I think, just to kind of finish on a point here, we're good, generally speaking, at having
00:15:17.200 beneficial experiences.
00:15:18.640 In other words, at activating useful mental states.
00:15:21.480 Most people suck at converting those passing mental states into any kind of lasting change
00:15:29.160 in neural structure or function.
00:15:30.840 In other words, we tend to be poor, whether professionally as therapists, let's say, or
00:15:36.160 informally as we're just trying to help ourselves along the way.
00:15:38.900 We tend to be poor at installation, at helping the experience really, really sink in.
00:15:44.760 And so, for me, it's a challenge.
00:15:46.100 And it's appropriate to take up the challenge to, you know, really help your brain capture
00:15:52.080 the benefit of your ordinary beneficial experiences instead of wasting them.
00:15:57.200 So, it seems like the negativity bias, if I'm right, correct me if I'm wrong, is this
00:16:01.260 sort of going on in a mammalian brain?
00:16:03.320 Like that sort of...
00:16:04.020 It's the whole brain.
00:16:04.840 It's the whole brain.
00:16:05.360 I mean, if you think about it, you know, lizards, man, they got to really learn from pain.
00:16:09.580 No, it's all over the brain.
00:16:11.000 I mean, it's all over the brain, the negativity bias.
00:16:15.280 Okay.
00:16:15.440 So, but it seems like you need to really use that prefrontal cortex to be self-directed
00:16:19.700 and kind of taking in these positive moments.
00:16:23.040 I think that's a good way to put it, Brett, in the beginning.
00:16:26.260 Okay.
00:16:26.540 In other words, in the beginning, we do it deliberately.
00:16:30.500 You know, you realize, hey, half a dozen times a day, half a minute at a time, that's less
00:16:35.260 than five minutes a day.
00:16:36.360 If I'm already having a little moment of feeling strong inside myself, let's say, or a little
00:16:43.100 moment of being satisfied or like I accomplished something, like I'm a success or a little
00:16:47.340 moment, let's say, of feeling connected to somebody else or being, you know, caring and
00:16:51.720 loving yourself.
00:16:52.660 Why not?
00:16:53.100 Right.
00:16:53.660 When you're having those little moments, show up for them, let them land, let them really,
00:16:59.680 really sink in.
00:17:00.300 So in the beginning, yeah, you do it deliberately, but there's this natural movement in learning
00:17:04.820 and psychology from deliberate to automatic.
00:17:07.520 And then it becomes a habit.
00:17:09.140 You start developing the habit of taking in the good in your flow of everyday life.
00:17:15.680 And also that habit increasingly is grounded in lower structures in the brain, not just
00:17:22.120 prefrontal structures that are motivational structures.
00:17:25.320 You start leaning toward the good and you start kind of being receptive to it in your body,
00:17:31.720 which is a very embodied, you know, lower brain kind of learning.
00:17:35.260 Okay.
00:17:35.620 But how do you do this when things get crazy, right?
00:17:39.280 Yeah.
00:17:39.500 Whenever, this is the, you know, I'll admit, I think you wrote and talked about this in
00:17:42.800 your book.
00:17:43.140 You tend to be anxiety prone.
00:17:46.240 Yeah.
00:17:46.500 I've even had my genetic, my genome sequence and I found out I have like the warrior gene,
00:17:50.280 right?
00:17:50.600 I've got that.
00:17:52.920 And so, you know, being, you know, resilient and focusing on the positive and not letting the
00:17:57.040 negativity bias get me down has always been a struggle for me.
00:18:00.140 And I'll get in these kicks where like, I'll do really well for a few weeks.
00:18:03.480 And then someday just something, just everything will just go completely nuts and I'll just
00:18:08.460 have this setback.
00:18:09.800 So how do you handle those setbacks?
00:18:11.980 Um, whenever you're just, everything's going crazy and you forget, you go into that reactive
00:18:17.080 mode instead of being responsive.
00:18:19.140 Yeah.
00:18:19.260 I know what you mean.
00:18:20.340 So, um, great question.
00:18:23.100 Wait, uh, uh, I think first and foremost, when you're in that setback moment is to ride out
00:18:29.280 the storm and not make a bad thing worse, not pour, you know, gasoline on the fire.
00:18:34.280 So, uh, I think that there are just three ways to engage your mind productively, uh, to number
00:18:40.500 one, be with what's there without trying to change it, just witness it, hopefully with kind
00:18:44.780 of mindful, spacious awareness to reduce the negative, you know, let go of those ideas that
00:18:51.720 aren't helping you release the feelings, let the tension drain out of your body, realize that you
00:18:57.520 can't drink like you used to when you were 20 years old, you know, let go of those unwholesome
00:19:01.380 desires, unhelpful desires and so on.
00:19:03.960 And then third way to engage the mind is to grow the positive, increase your inner strengths of
00:19:09.760 resilience, gratitude, compassion for yourself, compassion for other people, confidence, you
00:19:16.080 know, interpersonal skills, et cetera, you know, build the good, grow the good inside yourself.
00:19:20.980 So even though I've been focusing here so far on the third one of these, um, there it's in the
00:19:27.000 context of the other two.
00:19:28.100 So I would say that when everything goes crazy, um, you know, feel the feelings, uh, see what's
00:19:34.480 going on, explore your own experience.
00:19:36.120 Like what's going on inside me that I, you know, this stuff's happening.
00:19:39.760 But I'm having all these reactions to it.
00:19:41.840 It doesn't mean that you're a wuss.
00:19:43.480 It doesn't mean you're doing therapy on yourself.
00:19:45.880 Um, it means more like you're, you're being honest about what's really going on inside.
00:19:50.760 And you're, you have enough courage, honestly, you're brave enough to open to your own feelings
00:19:56.180 and tolerate them.
00:19:57.180 Okay.
00:19:58.000 But then usually in the moment, there's a transition.
00:20:02.600 Sometimes it's only a few seconds or minutes.
00:20:04.800 Sometimes it's hours or days where it's time to move out of just being with what's there.
00:20:09.760 Two, letting it go, you know, stepping out of the struggle with somebody else, letting
00:20:14.400 go of unrealistic ideas about what's going to happen here.
00:20:18.460 Um, you know, uh, apologizing for how you screwed up, let's say, you know, letting it
00:20:23.580 go.
00:20:24.000 And then third, looking for the lessons, you know, what's the takeaway here?
00:20:27.800 What's the learning I can acquire?
00:20:29.500 You know, well, how can I grow through this screwed up experience?
00:20:33.760 I was just caught in, right?
00:20:35.700 So those are the three ways.
00:20:36.740 And I think those three ways to engage the mind, give us a kind of roadmap.
00:20:39.540 So that's what a person can do in the moment.
00:20:42.280 And, um, then there's what we can do offstage to prepare for those moments.
00:20:47.480 And one of the things I love about your website in a lot of ways, it's about helping people
00:20:52.540 prep, you know, in the locker room, as it were, for when they're suddenly out there on
00:20:57.680 the playing field and they've got to draw upon what they developed inside themselves.
00:21:02.600 And so for me, that goes to what I call key resource experiences as a whole model of that
00:21:07.280 in my book.
00:21:07.920 The super fast version is that inside us all is a little lizard, a little mouse, and a
00:21:12.880 little monkey that, you know, metaphorically corresponds to the reptilian brainstem, mammalian
00:21:19.080 subcortex and primate human cortex, which loosely relates to our three core needs, safety,
00:21:24.980 satisfaction, connection.
00:21:26.140 So if you're talking about myself as someone, you know, vulnerable to anxiety or yourself
00:21:31.980 as having the war, the worrier gene distinct from the warrior gene, right?
00:21:36.540 I probably have both genes from my Scottish heritage, but anyway, um, you know, then you
00:21:41.720 think to yourself, okay, that's the safety system issue.
00:21:44.740 Worry has to do the safety system, feeling threatened when everything goes crazy.
00:21:48.280 So what I can do over time is build up an internal felt sense of different resources inside,
00:21:54.340 like recognizing that I'm actually okay, even when things are going crazy, or like feeling
00:22:00.320 protected, or like feeling that I've got others who are cheering me on and have my back, or
00:22:05.060 like feeling, um, a very strong sense of grit and hardiness and determination inside.
00:22:11.180 You know, I may have been whacked around hard here, but I'm not going to be defeated by this
00:22:15.680 stuff.
00:22:16.060 Right.
00:22:16.740 Yeah.
00:22:16.920 And then as you repeatedly through neurons that fire together, wire together repeatedly,
00:22:21.000 uh, install those key resource experiences that are targeted at an issue that you know,
00:22:28.400 you're dealing with a challenge.
00:22:29.740 That's going to come again around the bend.
00:22:32.160 You know, you know, it's going to happen as you grow those resources inside yourself.
00:22:35.940 Well, increasingly in many studies back this up, increasingly, you become able to deal with
00:22:40.740 the situations or the relationship issues, whatever the financial losses that used to
00:22:46.920 have you seeing red, you know, and pushing you over the edge.
00:22:50.000 But instead you can deal with the exact same tough times, tough situation while staying in
00:22:56.980 what I call the green zone where, you know, you feel strong inside, you feel centered inside.
00:23:01.800 Uh, you have a fundamental core wellbeing and happiness that this screwed up situation cannot
00:23:06.920 touch.
00:23:07.540 And on the basis of that, you're dealing with those challenges.
00:23:11.100 Yeah.
00:23:11.680 Whenever I have feel that, that cortisol surge when I'm getting like anxious, like I always
00:23:16.440 like stop and remind myself, like I'm not being chased by a saber tooth tiger.
00:23:19.940 Yeah.
00:23:20.580 Like I might, my, it's the, my life's not at risk.
00:23:22.960 Cause usually you get upset about these really dumb modern things that aren't really problems.
00:23:27.180 Yeah.
00:23:27.580 Our kids joke, they call them first world problems.
00:23:30.000 I can't get cell service, you know?
00:23:33.240 So you alluded earlier that this whole idea of hardwiring happiness is more about, is it,
00:23:38.840 is it, it's more than just feeling good about yourself, feeling good about life, being resilient.
00:23:42.780 It's about learning, uh, being a better learner.
00:23:46.160 I mean, how, how does that, how does all this play into being a, just a better learner overall
00:23:51.280 in your life?
00:23:52.560 Yeah.
00:23:53.340 Um, well, if you think about it, we can't do anything about the past, right?
00:23:57.960 It's done and the present moment when it boom pops into existence and then vanishes out
00:24:05.220 of existence to the next moment, boom, the present moment, you can't, it is what it is.
00:24:10.300 But what we can do something about is how much we learn from here that if you think of it as
00:24:17.980 our most fundamental property, it's, and it's also what we earn.
00:24:22.160 So I'm very, you know, old school, I've been a therapist a long time.
00:24:26.160 I think it's maybe nicer, but it's made me tougher.
00:24:28.420 You got to earn it.
00:24:29.440 You got to do the work.
00:24:30.340 But if, and I see, frankly, Brett, tons of people that will get, that will work hard to
00:24:35.720 get good at stuff that they will tell you don't matter much, like some software program
00:24:40.800 they're learning at work or some detail of, you know, dealing with their boss.
00:24:44.300 And they won't put much effort into getting good at stuff that they'll tell you do does
00:24:50.600 matter a lot, like becoming a better parent or a better partner or, you know, more skillful
00:24:55.860 and effective in how they deal with others or how they manage their own thoughts and feelings.
00:25:00.500 And so for me, it's, you know, the larger frame here is around competence and getting
00:25:05.460 competent at becoming competent.
00:25:08.320 In other words, learning the how of learning, which is a fundamental neuropsychological process.
00:25:13.740 And so for me, this is a really important thing that's been under our nose that we don't
00:25:18.760 pay enough attention to, you know, how do we actually learn and how can you use how your
00:25:23.340 brain learns to help yourself, you know, whatever it might be there they are reading, let's say,
00:25:28.940 you know, one of the extremely well-written, I got to say, pieces on your website or listening
00:25:34.300 to one of your podcasts.
00:25:35.520 Okay.
00:25:35.740 It's a momentarily interesting, beneficial experience.
00:25:39.340 Let's say it's interesting, but what's the takeaway and how can you help that
00:25:43.720 takeaway really sink in?
00:25:45.880 So you have a steeper learning curve rather than a flatter learning curve from whatever
00:25:49.920 you're doing in life, including, you know, listening to a podcast.
00:25:53.200 To me, that's what really interests me.
00:25:55.280 And how that is way simple.
00:25:58.000 It's, and it usually feels good because most, um, the basis for most inner strengths, like
00:26:05.200 resilience, determination, you know, uh, insight into other people inside into yourself,
00:26:10.880 many other aspects of, um, success in life and happiness and longevity.
00:26:15.720 You know, what we really care about, um, you know, much research shows that you really
00:26:22.300 can help yourself, you know, be a stronger man, be a wiser man, be a more loving and virtuous
00:26:30.460 man at the end of the day than when you were, when you woke up.
00:26:33.460 And that's what really interests me.
00:26:35.380 That's where the rubber meets the road every day.
00:26:37.080 Okay.
00:26:37.820 Well, I always like to end these, uh, our podcast with some, like just a practical takeaway.
00:26:42.560 All right.
00:26:43.300 So what's, what's one, one, one thing that listeners can do as soon as they're done listening to
00:26:47.440 this podcast that they can, that'll help them hardwire themselves for happiness and more
00:26:51.880 resilience.
00:26:52.740 Yeah.
00:26:53.840 I'd say one thing to do is a notice in this moment that you're actually basically all right,
00:27:00.740 that the body has enough air to breathe.
00:27:02.780 There's probably enough water in it and a food, you're not an agonizing pain.
00:27:07.800 The brain is actually designed to trick us into thinking that we're always not quite all
00:27:12.860 right.
00:27:13.160 So that we're going to scratch and claw and, you know, fight off the saber tooth tiger
00:27:17.160 to survive.
00:27:18.060 But in fact, that's delusional.
00:27:20.540 We're actually usually all right, basically in any moment.
00:27:24.080 And you can notice that and let that sink in.
00:27:26.460 I'd say that too.
00:27:27.580 I'd look for the opportunity to feel like, wow, I already have so many good things in
00:27:34.300 my life, including the opportunity to listen to a podcast like this with modern technology.
00:27:39.160 And it doesn't mean I'm not going to be ambitious.
00:27:41.820 It doesn't mean I'm not going to be passionate and, you know, competitive and so forth.
00:27:46.760 But I can do that on the basis of feeling like I'm already entirely satisfied in a kind
00:27:54.320 of deep way.
00:27:55.100 And you can let that sink in.
00:27:56.360 And then I would just finish by saying, pick one thing that you're trying to grow in yourself
00:28:00.660 these days.
00:28:01.360 What's that one thing for you these days?
00:28:02.980 It could be one thing today or one thing in general this week, this month, this quarter.
00:28:08.340 What are you working on?
00:28:09.240 Right.
00:28:10.140 And then look for opportunities to have an experience of that thing you're trying to
00:28:14.180 grow in yourself.
00:28:15.240 Are you trying to become more determined?
00:28:16.800 Are you trying to become more confident?
00:28:18.940 Are you trying to have a deeper feeling of your own worth?
00:28:21.520 Are you trying to help yourself be a better listener?
00:28:23.640 Because you can see that's going to work a lot better, you know, in your intimate relationships.
00:28:28.400 OK, what are you working on?
00:28:29.680 When you have opportunities to experience that positive, beneficial mental state, slow it
00:28:36.360 down.
00:28:37.860 Take a breath.
00:28:39.240 Stay with it.
00:28:40.360 Keep feeling it.
00:28:41.440 Come back to it.
00:28:42.600 Don't let yourself be distracted around it.
00:28:44.600 Hang out with it 12, you know, one, two, three dozen seconds in a row to really help
00:28:50.580 it sink into yourself and try to do that at least once a day.
00:28:54.280 And I bet, I predict that if a person does that 10 days in a row, you're going to fundamentally
00:29:00.540 feel different in important ways.
00:29:02.740 Awesome.
00:29:02.860 So, Dr. Hansen, where can people find out more about your work?
00:29:06.420 Oh, thank you very much.
00:29:07.380 My website, rickhansen.net, S-O-N, rickhansen.net is chock full of freely offered resources.
00:29:14.380 And they can learn all about me really at that website, rickhansen, S-O-N.net.
00:29:19.120 All right.
00:29:19.600 Well, Rick Hansen, thank you so much for your time.
00:29:21.100 It's been a pleasure.
00:29:22.120 Brad, it's been a pleasure for me as well.
00:29:24.240 Our guest today was Dr. Rick Hansen.
00:29:26.240 He's the author of the book, Hardwiring Happiness, The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm and
00:29:30.620 Confidence, and you can find that book at amazon.com and bookstores everywhere.
00:29:35.000 You can also find out more information about his work at rickhansen.net, as well as his
00:29:39.600 foundations of well-being at fwb.rickhansen.net.
00:29:45.460 Well, that wraps up another edition of the Art of Manliness podcast.
00:29:48.940 For more manly tips and advice, make sure to check out the Art of Manliness website
00:29:52.260 at artofmanliness.com.
00:29:53.980 And I'd really appreciate it also if you check out our Art of Manliness store at
00:29:57.240 store.artofmanliness.com.
00:29:59.220 You'll find all sorts of Art of Manliness products there, a coffee mug that's really
00:30:03.260 hefty.
00:30:03.700 You could bludgeon someone with it, Art of Manliness t-shirts, a Rudyard Kipling if poster.
00:30:10.020 And we also have a journal there inspired by Benjamin Franklin's Virtue Diary that he
00:30:14.140 created as a young man.
00:30:15.480 It's a one-of-kind product, and it's a great thing to use to kind of track your progress
00:30:19.840 on becoming the man you want to be.
00:30:21.420 Really appreciate it.
00:30:22.180 Your purchases there will support the podcast and the Art of Manliness website.
00:30:25.320 Again, that's store.artofmanliness.com.
00:30:27.600 And until next time, this is Brett McKay telling you to stay manly.