When Sam Rosenberg was 20 years old and working as a bouncer in a bar, a disgruntled patron pointed a gun directly at his chest and told him, Now I m going to kill you. Sam survived the incident, but it caused him to question what he thought he knew about self defense and sent him on a decades-long quest to figure out how people can best protect themselves and others.
00:27:42.640So, you know, I always tell people, you know, I ask the question in classes, I say,
00:27:47.500do you think you can avoid being targeted in the first place?
00:27:51.000And the answer that most people say is, yeah, I think we can avoid it entirely.
00:27:55.620But the reality is you can't, because it's the bad guy who controls that.
00:28:00.900And as a very simplistic example, you know, if you own a business or you're a leader in a business,
00:28:07.320chances are at some point in time in your career, you're going to hear something along the lines of,
00:28:12.360when you fired me, you destroyed my life, no matter how good a job you did,
00:28:16.800no matter how much you tried to preserve that person's dignity, set them on a positive trajectory and do things correctly.
00:28:23.480Ultimately, you can do everything right and still find yourself on the receiving end of a pretty extreme level threat.
00:28:30.640So we got to get really good at recognizing the eye of time and managing the eye of time so that does not escalate into the M in the moment of commitment.
00:28:40.260We're going to take a quick break for your word from our sponsors.
00:29:20.160And I would actually say that, you know, we can influence and affect a degree of control over everything in that we can avoid trouble, you know,
00:29:29.180and, of course, have good situational awareness and treat people with dignity and all those things that are positive to avoid being targeted or avoid conflicts.
00:29:36.960So, you know, we're never helpless even if someone attacks us.
00:29:41.740If we find ourselves at the moment of commitment and we have to actually fight back, you know, that's where defensive skills come in.
00:29:47.720But at the end of the day, we can definitively exercise the greatest control over this continuum of conflict, if you will, this timeline of violence by recognizing the early warning indicators of the eye of time and taking the appropriate measures to diffuse that situation or deter it from escalating.
00:30:07.300And it's not just about paying attention because, you know, good situational awareness is a very, very positive thing, but paying attention is just the prerequisite.
00:30:19.240You have to be able to recognize the warning signs that you're being targeted, even if those warning signs are very subtle or being conducted, if you will, by someone who is a master of camouflage and is taking a longer approach towards manipulating you into a position where they can victimize you.
00:30:37.520So what are some of those signs that someone's in the eye of time in relation to you?
00:30:42.260So if we're talking about the easy stuff, right, you know, if you're walking down the street and you see someone and you instantly get a bad vibe, right, you know, this is kind of the Gavin DeBecker approach of the intuition type of dynamic is intuitively we have the ability to read a lot of information and we will very often get a gut reaction of fear.
00:31:06.600You know, the hair will stand up on the back of your neck, you'll get this sort of alarming statement in your mind saying this guy looks like a rapist or a murderer or whatever it is.
00:31:16.060And those initial warning alarms, as I call them, are your most powerful indicator that you may be in the presence of danger.
00:31:24.500The absolute indicator that you are now in an interview and must address it appropriately is when someone actually approaches you and starts to compress that distance, right?
00:31:40.040So when someone approaches you and they make you uncomfortable, it's time to deal with that as an interview.
00:31:46.060And you don't want to override it by saying things like, well, it's probably nothing or dismissing or minimizing your intuition or your radar, as I like to call it.
00:31:56.800And you also don't want to fall into that sort of social contract, you know, what I call the social veil, where we say things like, but I don't want to judge a book by its cover.
00:32:06.840You know, what you really want to do is deal with the facts at hand, which is someone's making you uncomfortable and they're potentially too close to you.
00:32:15.520Those are dynamics that you now must address as an interview, because if you mismanage it at that point, you may seem like a good target.
00:32:22.960And that doesn't mean that you're going to be attacked immediately.
00:32:25.900It means that someone could see you as a target, you know, on one day and choose to attack you or victimize you on another day or hours or weeks later.
00:32:35.380So we have to be very careful how we manage that.
00:32:38.880So what are some things, let's say you talk about this target selection, someone's engaging in this interview or intelligence gathering process on you, whether to figure out you're a hard target or a soft target.
00:32:49.820Hard target means that you're just harder to deal with.
00:33:07.600The best answer to that, Brett, is to say you actually have to be a hard target.
00:33:12.820So in other words, you know, you don't have to fake it if you actually know how to protect yourself.
00:33:18.800And if you're willing and able to protect yourself, so willingness being a state of mind, ability being a statement of fact, you know, that if you actually have the ability to protect yourself, you exude that level of confidence and competence in such a way that you're kind of a dangerous person yourself.
00:33:38.500And bad guys will simply not evaluate you the same as someone who is not capable.
00:33:44.500But, you know, for the vast majority of the people out there who say, well, I just don't have the time or I'm not big enough, strong enough to get involved in self-defense.
00:33:51.800And I would say, you know, everyone should make the time and there is no limit there.
00:33:55.960But nonetheless, you can fake it till you make it.
00:34:00.080And the best way to fake it is to understand that at the exact same time you are reading them and you are evaluating them and getting a sort of an assessment of fear that this potentially is a problem, that this person could indicate danger.
00:34:19.520And most of that assessment is being done non-verbally.
00:34:22.360So we talk about in the book, for example, some very simple postures that display confidence and display physical authority, such as, you know, having your fingers up to the midline with your fingers steepled.
00:34:36.680We call that the secret service stance or putting your hands out in front of you in a stop sign gesture.
00:34:42.300You know, managing the interview from one of those postures greatly increases the capacity, not only of the bad guy seeing you as a potentially hard target because you're controlling distance and you're addressing that interview authoritatively.
00:34:58.520But it also gives you more reaction time, you know, because it actually does control distance.
00:35:04.440So non-verbals are really, really key.
00:35:07.880And again, you don't have to sort of fake the non-verbals when you actually know how to protect yourself.
00:35:13.120These become natural extensions of that.
00:35:15.400But the tactics that I display in the book, and the book is not about a lot of physical tactics, but these are things that I do have images of and go into.
00:35:24.260It talks about how to sort of fake it so that in a bad situation, you can still get yourself out of it.
00:35:31.300So the secret service stance, I'm doing it right now.
00:35:33.240So I've just got my fingers steepled together at my midline.
00:35:37.440And as you said, this is a very confident stance.
00:35:39.420We've actually had a podcast guest who's an expert on charisma, and she loves that stand, the steepling the fingers together, displays power.
00:35:47.380But another thing it does, it has your hands at the ready in case someone decides to do something.
00:35:52.360Your hands are there to defend yourself.
00:36:19.780It's like, hey, man, take it easy, but I need you to back away from me.
00:36:23.240Or they can be up at face level, and it's really an aggressive stop sign.
00:36:26.660Like you need to back away from me right now.
00:36:28.700What we don't want is you to bring your hands into a surrender position where they're sort of tucked into your shoulders because now it's very, very soft body language.
00:36:36.860It's kind of saying, please don't hurt me.
00:36:38.920So we need to demonstrate authority and willingness to respond, and that's the key to these nonverbals.
00:36:45.900Yeah, and then another stance, you have the listener's pose.
00:36:48.180So basically you're resting your hand on your chin, and then you have one arm just kind of covering the midline.
00:36:53.660Yeah, and that's a very purpose-driven position.
00:36:56.720Like if you're in a scenario where you're inherently way too close to someone and you're afraid, but at the same time, your decision-making is like, you know, if I touch this guy, he's going to go off like a firecracker.
00:37:08.900And what I really think is he's probably not going to attack me so I can defuse it, and you're in this sort of like higher level confrontational management mode, that listener pose is fantastic because it conveys the message that your opponent is being heard.
00:37:24.800So when someone's upset at you and they're like, you know, you don't understand and they're gesticulating and stuff like that, but you're thinking to yourself, man, I don't want to handle this in any more of an aggressive manner.
00:37:35.600That's a protective posture, and it's something that I found myself using quite a bit in the close protection world because it wasn't so much the distance from me to those potential opponents that I was concerned about.
00:37:46.620It was the distance between them and my principal.
00:37:49.980So I'd find myself in these compromised distances, and I'd use that listener's pose quite a bit.
00:37:56.380Yeah, and this would be a great one to use if you're dealing with a disgruntled employee or disgruntled customer.
00:38:10.940They're not going to attack someone who's got their head on a swivel and paying attention.
00:38:16.320Yeah, and we're really talking about situational awareness, and as I mentioned, just paying attention, I always say, is the prerequisite, right?
00:38:23.920So in today's world, we have to tell people, take the earbuds out of your ears, right?
00:38:29.560Get your head out of your phone, especially when you're in environments that could potentially pose a risk.
00:38:36.140And, you know, understand where those environments are.
00:38:39.900Like, you know, you have to have a decision-making process to say, where am I safe most of the time, functionally?
00:38:53.180But once you understand that, then you got to know what to look for, and you got to be able to look.
00:38:57.620And one of the principles is you want to do what I call watching for the watchers, okay?
00:39:03.700You know, a friend of mine one time summarized like this, and I think it's wonderful.
00:39:07.620He said he used to live in New York City, and he says, you know, when friends of mine would visit me in New York, I'd tell them that there are three kinds of people in New York.
00:39:15.780There's the people who are looking up.
00:39:22.320And then there's the people who are looking for who's looking up and who's looking down.
00:39:26.200And they're the ones you got to pay attention to.
00:39:28.800And I tell people that there's a great wisdom in this very simple sort of story, and that what you really want to do is watch for the watchers.
00:39:36.620Look for people who are observing and who are watching who's coming and going.
00:39:41.140And the interesting thing about that is just by training yourself to watch for the watchers, you recognize danger way in advance.
00:39:48.280But on top of that, when a bad guy sees you and recognizes you as another watcher, functionally speaking, it's like two predators at the watering hole.
00:39:58.280There's just way easier prey around, and they don't need the challenge.
00:40:03.180And I'm not talking about eyeballing people and, like, getting in a stare-down contest.
00:40:06.740I'm just talking about, as you said, keeping your head on a swivel and, like, keeping your head up looking around.
00:40:12.280And if you're looking with purpose, what you're looking for specifically are people who are observing others.
00:40:19.920They could be normal, you know, good, decent people.
00:40:23.240But they could be potentially bad guys.
00:40:26.640And you want to be able to discern that.
00:40:28.600Yeah, you're looking for people who potentially might be in that intelligence-gathering phase of the time decision process.
00:40:35.600So, yeah, we've had – you quote – you talk about Patrick Van Horn.
00:40:38.680We've had Patrick on the podcast talk about his book, Left of Bang.
00:40:41.880He does a great job talking about how to develop situational awareness.
00:40:44.820And what it all comes down to is just any situation you're in, you've got to establish what the baselines are, like what's normal, and then look for anomalies.
00:40:55.060And every situation is going to have a different baseline.
00:40:57.160You know, what's normal in Tijuana, Mexico might not be normal in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
00:41:03.520And so, once you establish that baseline, if someone's doing something, it's like, yeah, you probably shouldn't be doing that in this situation.
00:41:08.980That's when you have to think, okay, this is a potential problem.
00:41:13.160I've got to have a plan in case something goes south.
00:41:18.660And I quote Patrick Van Horn in the book because, you know, his model of Left of Bang and Time are very, very similar.
00:41:24.420And, you know, I've been teaching that for significantly longer, but the idea here is the same basic theory of people coming up with the same theories and the same logic.
00:41:33.360And I'm a huge fan of their work as well.
00:41:35.660And the idea of having this baseline is exactly as you described.
00:41:39.780You've got to give your brain a certain amount of time to establish what is normal for the environment.
00:41:45.140And this is kind of one of the most important rules of situational awareness is once you have baseline, you don't have to be paranoid.
00:41:53.260You don't have to be constantly on edge thinking someone's going to attack you all the time.
00:41:57.240You just need to be able to observe and not shunt your normal, you know, sort of the inputs, the visual, the audible inputs.
00:42:05.140So you can take in observational cues and trust that your radar will literally alert you when something is an anomaly to that baseline.
00:42:18.440If you're traveling, for example, and you're going to Tijuana, it's going to take you 24, 48 hours on average to be able to sort of assemble internally what is normal.
00:42:28.400And once you get that baseline, then you can trust that your radar will warn you when something's out of place.
00:42:34.860And when it is, that's when you observe.
00:43:02.560So in this eye of time part, the goal is to deter the bad guy.
00:43:05.960So he's potentially selected you as a target.
00:43:08.800He's in this intelligence gathering phase.
00:43:10.760Your goal is to figure out ways to deter him.
00:43:13.420And you can do that through body language, putting distance between you and him, watching him, letting him know that you've got eyes on him as well.
00:43:21.160Any other things you can do in this process to deter a bad guy from actually making that decision to attack?
00:43:26.180Yeah, I mean, bad guys, you know, particularly predatory bad guys, right?
00:43:31.160You know, the defining characteristic of them is this idea of opportunity.
00:43:36.160You know, they have a mission, but they need the right situational factors.
00:43:39.980And if you control the situational factors, you can limit the likelihood of you ever being targeted.
00:43:45.580So, for example, in the most general sense, distance control is key.
00:43:51.920So, for example, if you can control the distance that any engagement is going to happen, you know, so at the first sign of an interview, you simply leave, right?
00:44:01.620You're going to limit the likelihood of that interview actually manifesting and creating the potential for an attack, okay?
00:44:11.080And the second you realize you're in a close quarter interview trying to manage that distance using the stop sign, using some of the body language, those kinds of tactics will diffuse those quite a bit because they remove opportunity from that bad guy getting the jump on you, getting surprise.
00:44:24.660Another example, for example, when we're talking about deterrence is not losing control of the situational factors.
00:44:33.040So, if we're dealing with a social setting, like say a woman's on a date and she's getting a bad vibe, right?
00:44:39.540Well, try not to put yourself in a scenario where you're behind closed doors and there's an opportunity for that person to exercise control over the environment.
00:44:48.940So, those kinds of things, like having an acute awareness of what are the situational factors that I can control, whether it's distance, whether it's, you know, just being alone with someone and giving them that privacy, all of those factors come into play in how you navigate, you know, this kind of uncertain world and these dynamics.
00:45:10.860But all of it really comes first with an acute understanding of when am I in danger and particularly if I think I'm being targeted and not dismissing that initial belief.
00:45:24.960Okay, so the best way to defend yourself is just to not put yourself in a situation where you have to defend yourself.
00:45:30.340And if you are in a situation where you have to defend yourself, your first recourse should just be get out of the situation, do things to deter violence.
00:45:37.460But let's say you've done all this stuff and the attacker decides I'm going to make a victim of you.
00:45:43.380You argue that your self-defense response needs to be vertical, not horizontal, which means horizontal self-defense is when you have numerous response options to a situation.
00:45:56.400So, you could do A, B, C, D, E, F, G, and it just goes on and on.
00:46:02.760And that can slow down your response time because there's too much decision-making going on.
00:46:07.920Vertical self-defense is about having a more streamlined approach.
00:46:11.440You have one, maybe two options in mind.
00:46:13.960So, you're either going to do A or you're going to do B.
00:46:16.380And by keeping things simple, you speed up the response time.
00:46:20.100So, when it comes to physical responses, the things you teach the people that you train, they're not complicated maneuvers.
00:46:28.400They're not complicated punch knee sequences.
00:46:53.040So, Tony and I are friends, and he wrote me a very kind testimonial for this book.
00:46:57.640He was a big fan of it, and I can tell you that Tony is a hundred percent correct.
00:47:02.620And he's one of the pioneers when it comes to physiological response to danger, really studying it and understanding it.
00:47:08.640But that is one of the differences between competitive martial arts and what we see in ring fighting or the movies and real world is when we hit that level of stress, that survival level of stress.
00:47:20.800It's not the sort of controlled, you know, controls and expectations driven competitive stress.
00:47:27.280When we get into serious life and death stuff, you're left with gross motor movements.
00:47:32.720And by virtue of that, what gross motor movements are, keeping it simple, is like running, charging, swimming movements.
00:48:04.480It says, okay, how do I, what do I need to do to handle a knife attack?
00:48:08.140What do I need to do to handle a gun disarm or to handle an attack with a, you know, a guy throwing a punch at me?
00:48:13.540And you have to say what techniques are appropriate, what strategies are appropriate, but how do we accomplish those within the confines of physiologically appropriate stress-induced responses?
00:48:32.440And I'll be the first to say, it went from more of the complex martial arts moves.
00:48:38.700And over time, it was not something that became bigger.
00:48:42.040It was something that became more refined and smaller in terms of how do I simplify, simplify, simplify to the point where someone can do a simple technical approach and establish a position of control from which you can use basic gross motor techniques to win, no matter what the scenario is.
00:49:02.580On paper, it's very similar to like, you know, what a lot of other systems preach.
00:49:07.440They talk about dealing with weapons and multiple opponents.
00:49:10.460My physical training is really, I believe, proven in gross motor enough that it's achievable for just about anyone under even extreme stress.
00:49:20.460So, I mean, we're talking about like knee movements.
00:49:22.820I mean, I know you can't get specific, but generally, what would that look like?
00:49:26.760We're talking simple movements, gross motor strikes, knee strikes, and controlled behaviors that are, again, postural in nature and allow you to sort of, what I've accomplished that I think is pretty interesting is what I call an initial position of control.
00:49:41.360So, no matter what happens, guy throws a punch at you, you're penetrating through their defense, someone tries to attack you, someone slashes at you with a knife, stabs at you, whatever it is, that is a very simple vertical way to get quickly into an established position of control from which you can start to fire gross motor movements in.
00:50:00.220Like knees to the groin, the body, the head, you know, strikes to the brainstem at the back of the neck, simple takedown maneuvers that are gross motor in nature that lock out the arm or allow you to take someone down if you have to.
00:50:13.420But, you know, the framework is get to the position of control from which you can then do either incapacitation takedown or, in a worst-case scenario, some kind of deadly force, you know, damage.
00:50:26.660And then, you know, going back to what we were talking about earlier with SAFE, that decision-making process, you have to train this stuff because the goal is to know what you're going to do right in the moment, right?
00:50:36.400Because you've already trained for it, so you're not stuck in paralysis by analysis.
00:50:41.220And then you're trying to disrupt the decision-making process of the other guy because they're not going to be expecting, you know, he wasn't planning on this person hitting me in the brainstem.
00:50:50.260Yeah. And a lot of it comes back to if we actually think about what we're fighting for, right?
00:50:55.680You know, like one of the chapters in the final, you know, component, the final sections of the book, Brett, we talk about the difference between self-defense, what I call defensive tactics, or what was colloquially called defensive tactics, and then combatives.
00:51:08.640And, you know, it's important to differentiate because self-defense, the goal is to escape, right, to create an opportunity to escape.
00:51:18.100And as a result, self-defense is in some ways the most complex and at the exact same time the easiest to achieve because it gives you a lot of complex scenarios and dynamics.
00:51:30.600But if the goal is just to create an opportunity to escape, then – and if the bad guy, for example, realizes that they tangled with the wrong person who's willing and able to fight back, very often they just want to go the other direction.
00:51:43.740They want to go one way. You want to go one way. That's an easy day.
00:51:46.560So it doesn't take nearly as much to overcome the majority of self-defense situations.
00:51:52.200It just takes a certain level of skills that can work under real stress.
00:51:56.800When we get into law enforcement training, which I've done quite a bit of, and, you know, kind of close protection training and higher-level security, defensive tactics is wholly different because now if a cop, for example, is trying to apprehend someone, and that is the objective, and the person doesn't want to be apprehended,
00:52:14.020you can have a much, much higher level of violence ensue.
00:52:17.880So the skill sets have to be a little bit broader.
00:52:20.800They have to be a little more complex.
00:52:22.520They have to be able to handle a greater dimension of violence.
00:52:26.400And then the highest level is combatives, and combatives is what we typically think of with MMA or, say, military applications or what we see in the movies.
00:52:35.840Two guys duking it out, nobody backing down.
00:52:38.640Someone's literally got to beat their opponent into submission, and the reality is fights almost never occur in the combative realm.
00:52:50.220It's either the bad guy seems to have a decisive advantage and is exploiting that advantage to victimize someone with impunity, or the good guy turns the tables very quickly.
00:53:01.060The bad guy realizes that they're not going to have an easy day of this, and they just want to get the hell out of there.
00:53:07.360You know, when you get in a combative dynamics, what you're really looking at is warfighting, and you're looking at competitive martial arts.
00:53:14.300And if you're a warfighter, you know, if you're a Tim Kennedy, if you're a Green Beret, you know, I can understand why these guys want people to have real combative skills, because their framework of this is dealing with adversaries who they physically have to defeat, right?
00:53:31.160Even in war, that is a relative rarity.
00:53:33.860So, when we talk about the physical skill sets, I believe in training the whole dimension of it.
00:53:39.320I really think everybody should have some level of combative skills if they're going to be well-rounded.
00:53:44.540But at the end of the day, the majority of people can make do with just the basics of self-defense, so they can recognize danger, avoid being targeted in the first place, manage those interviews, and fight their way out of a bad situation such that they can create an opportunity to escape.
00:54:02.460And the majority of people can do that with a relative amount of ease.
00:54:07.480What I loved about the book when I finished it, the big takeaway I got from it was that you have more control in self-defense than you think.
00:54:14.920I think a lot of people think, well, if some bad guy, he's got the jump on me, I can't do anything.
00:54:19.800I think the big takeaway from your book was that, no, there's things you can do.
00:54:24.040You can actually create situations for yourself that you can protect yourself and your family.
00:54:29.500Well, Sam, this has been a great conversation.
00:54:30.980Where can people go to learn more about the book and your work?
00:54:34.420Well, Brett, this has been a great conversation.