Begin the New Year by Reflecting on These 3 Life-Changing Questions
Episode Stats
Summary
As one year ends and another begins, it s natural to reflect on both the past and the future. In this episode of the Art of Manliness podcast, Brett McKay sits down with Dr. Greg Creech, the Executive Director of the Toto Institute, which promotes principal psychology based on Eastern traditions, and the author of Nikon, Gratitude, Grace, and The Japanese Art of Self-Reflection. They discuss how this structured method of self-reflection can hold a mirror to your life, helping you gain greater self-awareness and see reality and how people perceive you more clearly.
Transcript
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Brett McKay here and welcome to another edition of the Art of Manliness podcast.
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As one year ends and another begins, it's natural to reflect on both the past and the
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future, who we were, who we are, and who we want to become.
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My guest today offers three questions that can help make that self-reflection truly fruitful,
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He's executive director of the Toto Institute, which promotes principal psychology based
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on Eastern traditions and the author of Nikon, Gratitude, Grace, and the Japanese Art of
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Greg and I begin our conversation with what Nikon is and how this structured method of self-reflection
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can hold a mirror to your life, helping you gain greater self-awareness and see reality
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Greg then walks us through Nikon's three rich, incisive questions and how to use them to
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help you discover how you really show up and operate in the world.
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We end a conversation with how to incorporate these reflections into your daily routine and
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even make it a special ritual with which to ring in the new year.
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After the show's over, check out our show notes at aom.is slash reflect.
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All right, Greg Creech, welcome back to the show.
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So we had you on the show, I think a year ago or maybe it might've been two years ago.
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I've lost my sense of time in 2020 is completely messed up.
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But anyways, we had you on to talk about Morita therapy and your work with it, which is a
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And today I want to talk about something that's adjacent to that, which is a practice that
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Well, Nikon is a method of self-reflection that was developed in Japan.
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It was developed by a man by the name of Yoshimoto Ishin back in the 1930s, 1940s was really kind
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of the time when it first started to arise, but it was preceded by a kind of ancient tradition
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of self-reflection called Mishirabe, which went back hundreds of years prior to that and
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was affiliated originally with a form of Buddhism called Shin Buddhism, which is actually the
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Not a lot of Americans know about it, but it's based or grounded in a concept called Tariki.
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So we can look at, for instance, in the personal development arena, you hear a lot of things that
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are based on Jiriki, which means self-power, as opposed to Tariki, which means other power.
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And self-power is kind of the message that we give to people, you know, look, if you want
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to change your life, you've got to do it yourself.
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And it's a healthy message in a lot of situations.
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Tariki is the message that you can't do anything by yourself.
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You cannot do anything by yourself because anything that you try to do requires the support
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of other people, other objects, forms of energy, money.
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And so you're really dependent on other things in the world for being able to just live, for
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So it's a very different kind of conceptual foundation that you find in Nikon than the
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other form of Japanese therapy that we talked about last time, which is Morita therapy.
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So for those who haven't heard that episode, just high level, what is Morita therapy?
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Well, Morita therapy is often called the psychology of action, and it's also from Japan, but it
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really is a very purpose-oriented type of approach to psychology, which has people focus primarily
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on what they can do and what they can't do and accepting what they cannot do, but really
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putting their energy into what's controllable and what they can do.
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And I think it's probably the most popular approach that we teach, and the book that I've
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written about it is the most popular bestselling of the books, because most people, particularly
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going into a new year, are thinking, you know, I want to be able to accomplish my goals this
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And so Morita therapy is a really good tool for helping us to deal with the psychological
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obstacles of accomplishing what we want to do and getting things done in our life.
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Is there a connection there sometime in the development of Nikon?
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You know, there really isn't historically much of a connection.
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They were really kind of developed from separate paths.
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Morita is also connected in an informal way to Buddhism through Zen.
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It's a different form of Buddhism, but they kind of came together in Japan, and a man that
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I trained with, David Reynolds, really pulled them together.
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And I think they complement each other very well, one being kind of the action-oriented
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side of this material, and the other being the reflective side of this material.
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That's also, you see that in the West, through the dichotomy between contemplation and action.
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What is the goal of Nikon and the self-reflection that you're doing there?
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Well, I think that the goal is simply to really see reality more clearly.
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And it sounds like something that we wouldn't have to make any effort to do because most
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of us go through life feeling like we are already able to kind of see reality and specifically
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see our conduct in terms of how we're living very clearly.
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But I like to think about Nikon as a kind of tool that's like a mirror.
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So if you're getting ready to go out, either to work or for the evening, most people probably
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spend at least a moment in front of a mirror just to kind of see what they look like, to
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see if their hair looks okay or if their clothes are presentable.
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But that gives you a reflection so you actually can see yourself because without a mirror,
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I can see a good part of the front of my body up to maybe about just below my neck.
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And I can't see almost any part of the back of my body.
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So I really need a mirror to be able to get a fuller look.
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In fact, if you go to a barbershop or a hairstylist, they'll often use a second mirror, right?
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So you can kind of see how your hair looks in the back after it's been cut.
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It allows us to really see more clearly what other people see.
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And often, what we think of ourselves, how we think we're looking in the world, how people
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are perceiving us, is not the same as how other people are actually thinking of us.
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So Nikon actually is a way of using this method, this method of self-reflection, to kind
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of get a sense of what it's like for other people to actually have to deal with us, whether
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it's at work or members of our family or in a professional capacity.
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And that's not a perspective that we naturally have.
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It's a perspective that we actually, in order to take, we have to actually step back from
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our normal perspective to put ourselves in somebody else's shoes and say, what is it
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like to deal with Greg as, for instance, his wife or his daughter?
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And what is it that we usually miss that other people are seeing, but we're not seeing?
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But I think one of the things that we miss is often how much other people are doing for
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us, because we're often not paying very much attention to that.
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And that has to do, when we talk a little bit about the reflective questions, we can discuss
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But one of the things we miss is really the level of support and care people are providing
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But another thing that we miss, and that's really very hard to get in touch with, is how
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what we're doing is causing trouble and difficulty to others, how we're inconveniencing others,
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We focus a lot on how other people cause us problems.
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And if we're driving to work on the highway, somebody kind of cuts us off and goes in front
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And of course, our adrenaline gets piqued and we walk into the office and we tell everybody
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in the office, boy, I almost had an accident on the way to work because this jerk kind of
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But if we cut in front of somebody else, which we probably did accidentally at some point,
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And we'll usually just dismiss it in our minds by saying, oh, I didn't see that car there.
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So one of the things that we can look at becoming more aware of is essentially how we're causing
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trouble and difficulties to others, which is a much more constructive type of information
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than looking at how other people are causing us trouble.
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So the whole goal of Nikon is get a better idea of what reality really looks like, how
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other people perceive us, not just what we see.
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Well, I think that I would say that one of the foundation or main goals of this process
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of self-reflection is really to shift from a complaint-based life to a life of genuine
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So a complaint-based life is something that many of us are familiar with, probably because
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And we know what it's like to be around somebody who's constantly complaining.
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But of course, there are times when we're that person and we're constantly complaining.
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And even when we don't complain out loud, we may be just going through a litany of complaints
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Or in this case, what a terrible year this was, right?
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Can't wait to have this year end and get on to the next year.
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And I think as we reflect on our life and the world around us and the people around us,
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and we get a clearer sense of what's really going on that we're able to see, we're much
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more likely to develop a really genuine or authentic sense of appreciation for our life.
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It sounds like what some people try to do with cognitive behavioral therapy, and one
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of the issues that that's trying to solve in the West is wrong thinking, or just thinking
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And most times what you do is you only see the negative, and cognitive behavioral therapy
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uses logic to be like, well, no, things aren't as bad as you think they are.
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It sounds like Nikon, the self-reflection Nikon.
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Yeah, I think that we're not actually trying in Nikon to change our thinking, we're actually
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trying to change our seeing, more specifically trying to change where we're putting our attention.
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And there's a maxim that we've developed that says your experience of life is not based
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And so if you just think about being at the end of a day, or again, let's use the example
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since the timing is that we're approaching the new year, the end of the year.
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If what we're paying attention to most of the time is the infection counts, and the virus
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statistics, and the political turmoil, and our personal troubles and difficulties, then
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our experience of life is really painted by that kind of information, the kind of things
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But when we actually pay attention to the other parts of life, which is that, in my case, that
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I, for instance, have not gotten sick, I have a car that drives me around and that works
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fine, I have food in my refrigerator, my daughter graduated from college this year, even though
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there wasn't a ceremony, when we start looking at life in a more complete way, we're much
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more likely, I think, to develop a genuine sense of appreciation.
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Well, let's dig into the self-reflection Nikon.
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And it's really, it's just three questions, but you can go deep with each of these questions.
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So the first one is, when you do an icon, self-reflection, you ask, what have I received
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Well, I think the question of looking at what you've received, and there's a movement in
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positive psychology towards looking at how to develop more gratitude.
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And so you'll see this whole idea, for instance, of gratitude journaling, putting down the things
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This question is very carefully worded, because it's not asking you what you feel grateful
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for, it's asking you to identify in a more factual way, what have you received?
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So if I just use that question right now, I'm receiving the use of this microphone that I'm
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speaking into, the use of the technology that you're using on your show to record our conversation.
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I'm receiving your attention and your invitation for me to be your guest on the show today.
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I'm also receiving electricity and Wi-Fi, nice quiet room to basically sit and talk to you
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I've got a window in the room, so there's some sunlight coming in.
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And I could go on and on with a list of what I'm receiving just right at this very moment.
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And the reality is that most of the time, for instance, as I go through the day, I'm not
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I'm not aware that, for instance, I'm receiving fresh air and oxygen that's infusing my lungs
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And so when we pause and we do this kind of reflection, we essentially expand our awareness
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of how the world is supporting us and caring for us.
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And there's a neuroscientist by the name of Rick Hansen.
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And he developed, I think, a great metaphor for why this question is important, because he
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In fact, he attributes it to the way our brain is actually wired together from a neuroscientific
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And he talks about the natural tendency we have to really notice problems, challenges,
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threats, difficulties in our life, and that those things tend to stick with us in a way
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that he connects with the image of Velcro, you know, the way a piece of Velcro sticks to
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But when things are going on, like we have fresh air to breathe, or we have a cup of coffee
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to drink, or we have hot water in the shower, or our car starts in the morning, we tend not
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So we can think of this tendency that we have, which goes really into the way our brains are
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wired, as the difference between Velcro, of noticing troubles and problems in our life,
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and Teflon, which is the way that the things that are actually supporting and caring for
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us tend to just kind of get noticed incidentally, and then kind of slide right back off to become
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So I want to reiterate, you're not, this isn't based on feelings, this is kind of like Marita
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therapy with Marita, you're not really focused on your feelings, you're focused on action you
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Same with Nikon, you're not, you're not thinking about what you feel grateful for, you're just
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thinking about, factually, what are the things that I receive from, you know, different people,
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or organizations, or even just the earth itself, the universe itself, on a daily basis?
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And it's one of the things that I think is a common denominator in Marita and Nikon,
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is they're both what I would call reality-based therapies.
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In both cases, you're trying to see reality clearly.
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And the fact that I'm receiving oxygen to breathe right now is just simply an objective
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And the fact that I have Wi-Fi that I'm using in order to have this conversation with you is
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And so those facts remain, whether I feel grateful for those things, or I don't feel
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And so when you're reflecting on this question, how do you go about it?
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Do you just think about things in general that you received that day?
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Or do you focus on, I mean, what's the best way to go about this when you reflect upon this
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Because I mean, there's so many things, like you could spend hours thinking about all the
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Yeah, which is actually a great thing to do every once in a while, particularly if you're
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feeling a lot of self-pity or depression, is to really spend a couple of hours and see
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But there are different ways to use this question.
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And you can direct the question towards kind of the world as a whole, which is to some extent
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what I've been doing and the examples I'm giving.
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Or you can direct it towards a specific person.
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And my wife, Linda, and I, who've been working together for 25 years or more, we use this
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And the whole thing, this part of it takes probably about five or six minutes.
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And what we do is we sit down and we say, let's just reflect on each other for the previous
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And I'm thinking of, in part, the first question, what did I receive from Linda yesterday?
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And I'm thinking, well, you know, she got me a hot cup of coffee and she made a really
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She kept me company on a walk that we took at lunchtime so I could get some exercise.
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And she picked up the mail from the post office and she listened to some music that I was trying
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So I'm just coming up with a very practical list of what I received from her the day before.
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And she's doing the same thing in her three minutes.
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And then we actually just share that with each other for a couple of minutes.
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And we find that it's a really great way to start the day, that we look back at the previous
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And most importantly, we found that using this process keeps us connected to what the other
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person in the marriage is actually giving to us.
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And I would say, without exaggerating, that if it wasn't for this process over the past 25
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This really has kept us from falling into the trap that I think is very easy in a relationship
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or marriage, where you start getting focused on what the other person isn't doing that
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you really want them to do, or what they are doing that really aggravates you.
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And that's what your experience of the marriage starts to become.
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And even by just taking a few minutes in the morning, we're able to kind of rekindle a sense
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And you can do this with relationships that aren't intimate.
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I mean, you can do this with anonymous relationships or sort of transactional relationships, right?
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You order food from DoorDash from Payway, right?
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Well, there's like a lot of people involved that made that happen.
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There's the people at Payway that cook the food.
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There's the systems that were developed that allowed you to order online, order with a click
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of a thing on your screen with your smartphone.
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I mean, you can really just keep going back and back and back.
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And seeing, boy, a lot of people made this pad thai possible.
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And I think what you just shared with us in terms of starting that list is just an example
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of taking a particular incident or event, right?
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Just receiving food being delivered from a restaurant.
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And you begin to see the endless roots of what it took for you to get that meal.
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And if we don't do that, then we can get pulled in the direction of the only thing that
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we notice is that the food isn't as hot as we wanted it, right?
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It's like, what's wrong with these DoorDash people?
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You know, it took them so long to get here and now the food's cold and now I have to heat
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And so, again, you look at this idea of how do you make that shift from a complaint-based
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life to a life of, you know, genuine sense of appreciation.
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And I think reflection and attention are kind of the two basic ingredients in that recipe.
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Well, and when I've done, I've, you know, I've done this reflection and, you know, I
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followed the instructions, like, don't think about things that you feel grateful for.
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I just sort of focused on the objective, like things I received.
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What I found was the natural result with that is I started to feel grateful.
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It's just, I think that, and again, that may not always happen and that's okay too, because
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that's not what we're, that's not the goal in a sense.
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It's kind of like the, it's a benefit that just arises naturally.
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And so, ironically, we actually can get to the point where we realize that actually just
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feeling grateful is something that we can be grateful for because it's not something
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But the idea that we go through that process of, of looking at how we're supported, whether
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it be by food delivery or whether it be by our partner in our relationship.
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And then we just allow gratitude to rise naturally or not to rise naturally.
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There's no effort that's involved in order to try to get us to feel a particular way.
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I really like that because when I've tried the gratitude journal and that the question,
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like, what do you, what do you feel grateful for?
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Like the first time you do it, it's like, I can come up with a whole bunch of stuff, but
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then after a while you're like, man, I can't, I don't feel like I, I can't feel anything
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But when you just think about, okay, what have you received?
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I mean, I can just, every day I can just keep listing stuff 365 days of the year.
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And, and I think that it's a great practice because for instance, I'm wearing a, a Timex
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watch right now that was my dad, dad's watched.
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He died about six years ago and passed this watch onto me and I wear it almost every day.
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And any time that I'm reflecting, I almost always remember to, to think about how many
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times a day I've looked to see what time it was.
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And I've looked at this watch I received from him.
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So in a way, this gift remains alive for me and his kindness and my memory of him remain
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alive because I'm doing that kind of reflection and noticing it by just being able to say, yeah,
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I received the use of this watch, which allows me very easily to tell what time it is at
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And beyond just recognizing and sort of seeing reality for it was by recognizing the things
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that you receive from different people throughout the day, should you go and tell people like
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recognize, like go people publicly and say, Hey, you did this for me.
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And I think, again, there's nothing in Nikon that suggests that once you see that somebody's
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done something for you or helped you or supported you, that you have to do something for them
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But in many cases, it just arises as a natural response.
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So if we compare it to the 12 step program, there's a whole process, for instance, of making
00:23:11.200
It's one of the steps that after you've done this inventory of yourself.
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And I mentioned the 12 step program because it's very consistent, even though it's a different
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And there's a number of people who have been involved in the 12 step program who have then
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also been working with Nikon and found the two to be very complimentary.
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But in Nikon, you've reached the end point when you've actually seen the answers to these
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And then whatever feelings arise is just what arises naturally and whatever actions you decide
00:23:43.740
And I can give you a quick little example, which is I live in this rural community,
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Moncton, Vermont, and they just put up a community dog park, a Fenston area at this field just about
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And I happen to be living with my daughter who just graduated from the university who just
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And we take her over there and she can kind of run around in this huge Fenston area.
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And so in recognizing that, in reflecting on how valuable that's been, I just decided to
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write a letter to the, I found out who was on the committee that got this dog park built
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and just wrote a letter both congratulating and thanking them and offering to bake a loaf
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And it's not because there's something in the process that says, oh, I should do something
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It's just because I just have this natural feeling, this natural response of wanting to
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do something in return in order to give something back to these people who put in a lot of time
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We're going to take a quick break for your words from our sponsors.
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So that first question, what have I received from?
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I mean, if someone just did that question for their self-recollection today, I think they'd
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get a lot out of it, but it doesn't stop there.
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If I think that, you know, sometimes people, they say, oh, I don't have time.
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And you just, if you just spend five minutes and just do that first question, I think
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But as we'll see, I think if you, if you take some time to do the other two questions,
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it actually begins to build on the first question.
00:25:26.580
So the second question is, what have I given to fill in the blank?
00:25:36.140
We're just looking at the, we're just changing the direction.
00:25:39.040
If we use your example of DoorDash, we're thinking, well, what did I give?
00:25:42.940
You know, so I paid for the meal that was given to me.
00:25:51.240
So we're looking at what you gave in the situation.
00:25:53.700
And so when we look at these two questions side by side, we've, we now see the give
00:26:00.380
and take of our lives either during this period of time or in relation to this particular
00:26:07.580
So if I was to do this, you know, somewhat thoroughly, if I could, in relation to my wife
00:26:12.740
for a 24 hour period for yesterday, and she was to do the same thing, I would basically
00:26:22.540
And that is a wonderful reconciliation to look at because you see the debits and credits
00:26:28.440
and the man who developed Nikon, Yoshimoto Isshin, he was a very devout religious person, but
00:26:36.920
And he wrote that he developed these first two questions, kind of working from a accounting
00:26:43.820
or business framework, you know, because his company, which made artificial leather for
00:26:49.280
Japanese cars back in the 60s and 70s, that his company would send out a statement to their
00:26:56.020
clients saying, here's how much product we shipped to you.
00:27:02.140
And either you have a credit or you owe us some money, right?
00:27:06.240
And he saw this as kind of more of a spiritual reconciliation based on our life, you know.
00:27:11.980
So I went through the day yesterday, this is what I received from the world, food from
00:27:16.500
the refrigerator, air to breathe, my car worked, my wife made a nice salad, this whole list
00:27:22.860
And here's what I gave, I walked the dog, I fed the dog, I helped, you know, my daughter
00:27:27.560
with a particular question she had about the computer.
00:27:34.200
And for me personally, and I always encourage people to deal with this freshly, but for me
00:27:39.520
personally, almost all the time, what I find, no matter what I'm looking at, is that I've
00:27:46.220
When I first went to Japan to do my first training in this material, I spent two weeks going through
00:27:52.360
my entire life, 16 hours a day, just reflecting on my life using these three questions and looking
00:28:02.280
What did I receive from this girl I dated when I was in high school for those two years?
00:28:08.280
And in every single case, I found that I had received more than I had given.
00:28:13.080
So one of the things that happened is I changed, my self-image kind of changed because it had to
00:28:19.760
change because I'd always thought of myself as a very giving person, but in reality, it
00:28:24.560
was more accurate to say that I was a receiving person.
00:28:27.480
Or some people would say I'm a taking person, but I received much more than I was giving in
00:28:36.400
And it made me, on the one hand, feel kind of guilty that I wasn't giving more or doing
00:28:42.620
But on the other hand, it made me feel more cared for and supported than I had ever felt in
00:28:52.560
And I think when we look at these two questions side by side, we begin to get a sense of the
00:28:58.800
balance or imbalance in our receiving and giving.
00:29:02.800
And in situations where we're receiving more, again, there's often this natural sense that
00:29:14.480
I want to do something more for the planet, whatever it is that we're kind of looking at.
00:29:18.800
And it's not based on some commandment that I should be a better person and be kinder
00:29:26.840
It's based on just a natural sense that arises in me that I want to do more for others because
00:29:35.120
In conjunction, when you were talking about this question, what have I given to, you quoted
00:29:40.420
this article from like the 1940s, like Forbes article.
00:29:45.760
And it's really, I've been thinking about it a lot since I read about it.
00:29:49.680
And how is it connected to this question of what have I given to?
00:29:53.040
Well, it's an interesting article by this man kind of going back into the 40s where he just
00:30:00.560
really tries to look for opportunities for how he can do things when he's out and about,
00:30:07.440
how he can give things to other people, including just feedback or advice in situations where
00:30:16.100
And I think that one of the things for me that that really has gotten me to see is that
00:30:22.040
even in situations where I'm making a special effort, and I'll use the example of baking
00:30:26.840
bread, even though I haven't done this for these people yet.
00:30:30.160
But let's say tomorrow I bake a loaf of sourdough bread for one of the people on the dog park
00:30:38.720
And I think, you know, that was kind of a nice thing that I did.
00:30:41.100
You know, they made this dog park, but at least I did something in return.
00:30:45.200
But here's this question of, like, what did I receive in order to do that, right?
00:30:50.820
So I'm trying to actually do something that's nice.
00:30:53.800
I'm trying to respond to my natural sense that I want to do something to help repay these
00:30:58.580
people for what they did that has benefited me.
00:31:02.000
But in order to do that, I needed to get flour.
00:31:08.760
And I needed to have water, good fresh water for the bread and some salt, all those ingredients.
00:31:15.200
I actually needed to have sourdough starter, which was, now that I think of it as we're
00:31:18.960
talking, was a Christmas gift from my daughter from two years ago.
00:31:23.140
I still have the same sourdough starter that I've kept up for the past two years in the
00:31:29.100
And I began to see that even in my efforts to try to give something or do something for
00:31:34.820
others, to try to give myself away, I'm dependent on all of these other people and things and
00:31:47.600
It really makes me feel very humbled to think about that even in a situation where I'm doing
00:31:53.100
something that seems kind and giving, I have to receive so much to be able to do that.
00:31:57.820
Yeah, it really shows the interdependence of relationships.
00:32:02.360
Yeah, and I think that interdependence, that principle, which is very easy to comprehend
00:32:08.040
intellectually and exists, I think, in virtually every spiritual tradition in the world.
00:32:15.220
But when you actually do this kind of reflection, you start learning about how that's working
00:32:20.640
in a very mechanical way, in a very practical way in your day-to-day life.
00:32:24.840
And it's a very different thing, I think, to experience it practically than it is to just
00:32:30.060
consider it to be like, oh, this is a beautiful spiritual principle.
00:32:34.500
All right, so reflecting on what have I received from and also in conjunction with what have
00:32:41.460
With Nikon therapy, there's no goal that you're supposed to do something.
00:32:47.020
But one of the natural results is that you're maybe going to want to do more.
00:32:49.820
You maybe want to serve more or maybe just be more helpful, more useful to people.
00:32:53.960
And I love in the book, you give different suggestions on how you can do that.
00:32:58.100
An email of encouragement, a text of encouragement, picking up litter.
00:33:05.900
You know, sometimes I'll get an email, and you probably have had this experience, you get
00:33:11.280
an email or even a short message just saying, you know, I really love what you're doing,
00:33:15.560
or I loved your show, or I loved your book, and it goes into a little bit of detail.
00:33:19.880
And it makes your day to get that kind of feedback.
00:33:22.800
And you think about what was the cost of that to the person who wrote it, you know, about
00:33:27.560
maybe two minutes or three minutes of their time and pressing the send button on their
00:33:32.880
So, you know, we're capable of actually spreading a lot of joy and happiness and gratitude in
00:33:39.500
the world with, in many cases, a very small investment of our energy.
00:33:44.220
So we talked about what have I received from, what have I given to, let's talk about this
00:33:49.000
third question, which is what troubles and difficulties did I cause blank?
00:33:57.800
And, and this is the question that people question most often, because it's not a question that
00:34:05.220
And I often tell people that the process that of doing this kind of reflection is not a process
00:34:13.600
It's, it's a process that's designed to help us see the reality of our lives.
00:34:17.740
And so we're looking at this question, you know, how did I cause inconvenience problems,
00:34:23.080
troubles to my wife, to my daughter, to just other people that I've been around for a certain
00:34:31.260
And it's a difficult question to look at, but the best example of, of why I think this
00:34:36.580
is effective is I can go back to studies that they did in Japan in the 1960s, where they
00:34:42.700
use Nikon in the prison system over a period of years.
00:34:46.460
And they did research and they had people who were in prison, who were convicted of, of
00:34:54.520
They had people spend one week, just like you would in a retreat, doing Nikon on their
00:34:59.400
lives and going through their lives with all three of these questions, including what
00:35:05.440
And you can imagine somebody, particularly if they're a career or a lifelong criminal,
00:35:09.480
what it would be like for them to actually just sit and do nothing but think about all
00:35:14.680
of the people who suffered as a result of the crimes and the criminal activities that
00:35:22.820
And what they found is, is they then looked at the recidivism rate and they found that in
00:35:27.680
every prison that was doing this, the number of people after they left prison that were
00:35:32.200
re-arrested was dramatically lower than with the people who hadn't gone through this process
00:35:40.240
So again, it wasn't like it was attached to any moral commandment that says, when you
00:35:44.880
get out of prison, we want you to be a good citizen.
00:35:47.260
But this process itself just influenced people to essentially make changes, significant changes
00:35:53.940
in their lifestyle once they had really seen the difficulty and suffering that they've
00:35:59.500
And the same kind of research exists with people in Japan who are alcoholics in terms of looking
00:36:04.840
at how their drinking caused suffering and difficulty to other people.
00:36:08.880
So if we're willing to be honest and open to how we're causing problems and difficulties,
00:36:14.900
and it doesn't have to be the kind of things that you would see if you were in the Japanese
00:36:20.440
mafia, it could just simply be, I left my dirty dishes in the sink and my wife ended up washing
00:36:25.860
them, or I left my socks on the floor in the bedroom, or I was half an hour late for a lunch
00:36:34.380
But when we see those things, we begin to put ourselves in another person's shoes.
00:36:39.280
What is it like for someone to be my colleague and have to work with me?
00:36:44.180
What is it like for my wife to actually have to deal with me as her husband, or for my daughter
00:36:49.840
to have to be able to deal with me as her father?
00:36:52.260
And some of the most, I would say, profound and emotional reflections I've had have really
00:36:59.220
been doing this third question and looking at people I was very close to, my family and
00:37:04.800
close friends for years, and seeing essentially some of the really selfish things that I had
00:37:12.220
done to cause trouble and difficulty to those people.
00:37:15.180
But I would argue that that's incredibly important, because whether you see it or not, it's part
00:37:22.100
of a page of the book of your life that's already been written, right?
00:37:25.860
So your choice is really, do you want to be conscious about how you've lived your life,
00:37:31.300
or do you want to essentially be blind to these elements of how you've lived your life?
00:37:36.020
And I think we should, in the interest of living a good life, and in the interest of our own
00:37:40.860
kind of spiritual aspirations, we should try to be more conscious of basically how we're
00:37:46.420
Yeah, and this question is useful, because as you said earlier, we tend to overlook the
00:37:51.360
We tend to focus on what other people do that inconvenience us, right?
00:37:54.220
The guy that cuts us off, man, we're talking about it to our wife when we get home.
00:37:59.060
But we tend to overlook when we've done that in the past.
00:38:01.480
And this question says, no, you do this stuff too.
00:38:06.240
You cause inconvenience just like that guy who cut you off.
00:38:09.100
Yeah, I think most of us have gotten a lot of practice and therefore developed a habit
00:38:20.460
And in some cases, whenever I think about it this way, I'm always kind of surprised, but
00:38:25.820
it's almost more natural when you get together, whether it's just with your partner or your
00:38:31.680
roommate or a group of friends for dinner, it's almost more natural to complain about all
00:38:37.740
the problems in your life than it is to talk about all the things that are going well or
00:38:42.600
all the ways in which life is actually helping or supporting you.
00:38:46.640
And so people often find that if you work in an office setting with other people, that
00:38:54.820
complaining is actually the norm in that social experience.
00:38:59.060
And if you were to go into the office and say, well, let me tell you what happened to
00:39:04.540
You know, first of all, my car started like the first time.
00:39:12.360
And apparently my husband must have filled it up with gas yesterday.
00:39:15.220
And then I'm driving down the road and traffic is backed up and there's this truck painting
00:39:22.440
these yellow lines, you know, on the road so that you know which lane you're in so that
00:39:29.760
Isn't that fortunate that somebody's out there doing that?
00:39:32.660
And if you said that, people would look at you like you're nuts.
00:39:36.320
But if you go in and you just run off a litany of complaints about the traffic and the news
00:39:42.940
and the political situation, people just shake their head and agree with you.
00:39:47.080
And then they basically share their own experiences about those same things.
00:39:51.740
So complaining has become much of a norm in our social experience.
00:39:56.000
This question helps you be less of a complainer.
00:39:58.480
I mean, you even recommend that people spend about 60% of the reflection when they're doing
00:40:05.100
And that's really what was, I think, recommended to me in my own training in Japan is that this
00:40:11.420
This is really an important question because it allows us to see ourselves, again, this
00:40:17.120
idea of using a mirror in a way that we wouldn't otherwise see.
00:40:21.000
And when I talk about the idea of putting ourselves in the other person's shoes, this question, what
00:40:26.880
is it like for Linda to be married to me, that that process of doing that psychologically is
00:40:39.320
So our ability to see things from the other person's perspective, including ourselves,
00:40:45.220
is really one of the essential elements, I think, of a healthy relationship with anybody,
00:40:51.040
someone we're working with or members of our family.
00:40:53.180
So if we can do that, we really increase the chances that we can basically have healthy
00:40:58.520
relationships in our life as opposed to conflict and kind of resentment towards others.
00:41:05.320
And how do we not let this exercise delve into self-loathing?
00:41:08.580
Do you think, man, I inconvenience, I cause so many people so many problems, I'm a terrible
00:41:16.080
Yeah, I think that it comes up a lot where I, particularly from therapists, will say,
00:41:21.340
well, do we really want to have people who are already struggling, for instance, with
00:41:25.700
depression or anxiety, you know, looking at themselves and looking at like, in a way that
00:41:33.720
But if we think about it, is feeling guilty about specific actions or specific conduct,
00:41:42.980
I think it's a very, it's actually a natural response of compassion when we look at something
00:41:49.520
that we've done that has caused trouble to someone, to feel bad about that.
00:41:53.540
I think that actually comes from a compassionate part of us.
00:41:57.180
And I think to not, to do something that has caused suffering and not feel bad about it,
00:42:08.000
So the key thing is kind of in your question is, we don't want to get caught up in that
00:42:15.660
What we want to do is use it as information, as feedback from reality, for maybe how we can
00:42:21.540
change our lives or make some changes in how we're treating other people or in the way
00:42:28.800
You know, I think that people who are successful, people who have written bestselling books and
00:42:34.000
have successful businesses and are CEOs, it's very hard for people who have any success in
00:42:39.320
their life not to begin to feel a little bit arrogant or self-righteous or kind of above
00:42:46.120
And I think for people who are successful, looking at how they've caused trouble and difficulty
00:42:51.320
and problems to others on that path to success is actually very humbling.
00:42:56.280
And probably very good in terms of helping them to stay away from going in the other
00:43:02.420
direction, which is to get caught up in a sense of self-righteousness and arrogance,
00:43:09.140
It's the opposite of what you had mentioned originally, which is getting caught in a state
00:43:13.340
of looking at other people and thinking, why can't that person just get their act together?
00:43:19.640
So I think being humbled for many of us is actually a very healthy experience.
00:43:24.900
So the three questions again, what have I given to, what have I received from, and what
00:43:30.240
troubles and difficulties did I cause, fill in the blank.
00:43:33.040
Can you imagine you just do this on a daily basis?
00:43:35.040
You can do this morning before you set out the door or at night before you go to sleep.
00:43:39.720
I think that, you know, I mentioned just taking, again, six or seven minutes with my wife,
00:43:44.260
Linda, in the morning where we do this is just kind of part of our morning routine.
00:43:47.360
I think you can dedicate blocks of time to this in the same way that you dedicate time
00:43:53.440
to getting physical exercise by going running or going to the gym or working out in some
00:43:59.340
I think we have to dedicate time to self-reflection.
00:44:02.740
If we don't do that, it's very hard to have, I think, any balance in our life.
00:44:06.360
Most people are very active and we're busy people.
00:44:13.280
And we go from one thing to another and we get to a point in our day where we say, okay,
00:44:19.140
And then we shift from action to some kind of passivity, which could be looking at Facebook,
00:44:25.200
watching a movie, watching a sitcom, you know, surfing the internet, passive activities.
00:44:31.400
And so we have action and we have passiveness or passivity, but what's often missing from
00:44:37.760
our life is reflectivity, which is what we're really discussing today and actually building
00:44:42.480
time into your day, even if it's just for a few minutes before bed, first thing in the
00:44:47.120
morning to just be reflecting on your life using this kind of method or even other methods
00:44:53.120
that may lead you to the same type of contemplative approach to your life.
00:45:00.500
It doesn't take very long, but you also in the book talk about, you can set aside, you
00:45:04.660
know, periods, like special days where you just do Nikon reflections, make it sort of a
00:45:10.000
ritual. And one way you talked about, you can do that is using the new year to do sort
00:45:15.660
of a special Nikon reflection. So we're about to start a new year, ending 2020, about to
00:45:20.820
start 2021. How can folks modify Nikon so they can reflect on the year that's passed and the
00:45:29.500
Well, it's a perfect time to actually be doing this at the end of the year and going into
00:45:33.460
a new year. And I encourage people to spend even a minimal amount of time doing some type
00:45:38.540
of reflection on the year before you get into setting your goals or making resolutions.
00:45:44.260
Because in every case, both personally and people I've worked with, when you do that,
00:45:49.300
it informs what you end up doing in terms of moving forward in your life. And I think that's
00:45:53.900
one of the real values of self-reflection is that doing this reflection informs moving
00:45:59.440
forward in your life. So for years, there was a woman in upstate New York that used to actually
00:46:04.300
host an event where people came sometimes from several hundred miles around. And we
00:46:09.360
spent the last eight hours of the year doing quiet self-reflection up until midnight on New
00:46:14.700
Year's Eve. And then we kind of toasted and had a nice meal together. But it's a great way
00:46:19.320
to end the year. And this year, where people are less likely to have social engagements and
00:46:25.060
New Year's Eve parties, I would really encourage people to think about using that evening, New Year's
00:46:30.180
evening, and just sitting back and doing some reflection. And we actually have a booklet that
00:46:36.400
I developed and have updated every year for about the past 10 years called A Guide to New Year's
00:46:42.780
Reflection. And if you think it's okay, Brett, I'd be happy to give people an email address and we'd be
00:46:49.200
happy to send them a link so that they can download that and use that if they want to do some reflection
00:46:54.160
on New Year's Eve. But it's a great way to end the year. And it also offers you a different
00:46:59.200
perception of the year. Most of us think, oh, this year 2020, what a crazy, terrible year.
00:47:05.600
Can't wait till the year is over. Get a fresh start in the new year. But if you reflected,
00:47:10.440
or at least for me personally, I found that there were some really great moments and experiences of
00:47:15.840
joy, great times that I really connected, for instance, with my daughter who's been living with
00:47:21.120
us during the lockdown and the pandemic period of time. There was a lot of positive things that
00:47:26.340
happened in the year for me, even though there was also a lot of losses. And so it gives me a much
00:47:31.480
more balanced view of the year to kind of look at it specifically using this kind of reflective
00:47:36.500
process than just kind of my gut sense of it being really a rotten year.
00:47:41.760
And then after you do that reflection, you can then start setting your goals for the new year
00:47:47.440
Yeah, I think. And again, I teach a course in the beginning of the year, if it's okay to mention
00:47:51.540
this called Living on Purpose, which is really designed to get people started off in the right
00:47:55.640
direction of the year. And it's really the idea of looking at, you know, how can I be very clear
00:48:02.120
about what's going to give my life meaning this year? You know, those are the things that I want
00:48:07.260
to elevate in terms of the energy that I'm going to put in. We have a certain amount of energy that
00:48:12.780
we're going to have available to us if we live a whole year from now. And we want to have those
00:48:17.900
things that are really going to be meaningful and important to us to get a lot of that energy.
00:48:23.080
And I think if we start thinking about it that way, the hard thing, of course, is sticking to it
00:48:27.240
once we kind of get going. And that's where the Merida therapy piece of this material comes in.
00:48:32.040
Once we're actually in the process of doing things and the taking action, we shift, we can shift into
00:48:37.100
this other mode of psychological support. But I think the idea is that there's a very natural process
00:48:42.960
of reflection and contemplation that leads to then redirecting our energy, our goals,
00:48:50.520
and the things that we want to achieve in the coming year.
00:48:53.620
Well, Greg, this has been a great conversation. Where can people go to learn more about the book
00:48:59.220
Well, we have a website that has a lot of our material up there, which is called 30,000days.org.
00:49:05.720
.org. And it's to spell, it's the words 30,000 days all together. And if people want to send an
00:49:12.720
email to us at the address t-o-d-o to-do at totoinstitute.org, then we'll be glad to respond
00:49:21.300
and give you a link so that you can download this New Year's booklet. But you'll find a lot of
00:49:26.320
resources on our website. And I've been doing this for 30 years. And the reason that I've kind of
00:49:32.440
continued doing this for 30 years is because I really believe it's a great alternative to some
00:49:36.920
of the more traditional Western therapy and Western psychology that is really common in the U.S.
00:49:43.320
And I think for people who are inclined to look at approaches from the East, whether it be,
00:49:49.860
you know, acupuncture or yoga or Chinese medicine or martial arts, I think there's some great wisdom
00:49:55.740
that we can take in also in the area of psychology.
00:49:59.200
Well, Greg Creech, thanks for your time. It's been a pleasure and have a happy New Year.
00:50:01.540
Well, thank you, Brad. It's been a pleasure talking to you. And I hope you have a
00:50:08.180
My guest today was Greg Creech. He's the author of the book Nikon. It's available on amazon.com.
00:50:12.100
You can find out more information about his work at his website,
00:50:14.640
todoinstitute.com. Also check out our show notes at aom.is slash reflect,
00:50:20.860
where you can find links to resources, where you can delve deeper into this topic.
00:50:23.520
Well, that wraps up another edition of the AOM podcast. Check out our website at
00:50:34.360
artofmanliness.com, where you find our podcast archives, as well as thousands of articles
00:50:37.900
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on Android or iOS, and you can start enjoying ad-free episodes of the AOM podcast. And if you
00:50:53.040
haven't done so already, I'd appreciate it if you take one minute to give us a review on Apple
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Podcasts or Stitcher. It helps out a lot. If you've done that already, thank you. Please consider
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sharing the show with a friend or family member who you would think would get something out of it.
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As always, thank you for the continued support. Until next time, this is Brett McKay,
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reminding you not only listen to the AOM podcast, but put what you've heard into action.