The Art of Manliness - Begin the New Year by Reflecting on These 3 Life-Changing Questions

00:00:00.000 Brett McKay here and welcome to another edition of the Art of Manliness podcast.

00:00:10.680 As one year ends and another begins, it's natural to reflect on both the past and the

00:00:15.020 future, who we were, who we are, and who we want to become.

00:00:18.180 My guest today offers three questions that can help make that self-reflection truly fruitful,

00:00:22.340 insightful, and possibly even life-changing.

00:00:24.680 His name is Greg Creech.

00:00:25.660 He's executive director of the Toto Institute, which promotes principal psychology based

00:00:29.380 on Eastern traditions and the author of Nikon, Gratitude, Grace, and the Japanese Art of

00:00:33.580 Self-Reflection.

00:00:34.620 Greg and I begin our conversation with what Nikon is and how this structured method of self-reflection

00:00:38.920 can hold a mirror to your life, helping you gain greater self-awareness and see reality

00:00:42.820 and the way people perceive you more clearly.

00:00:45.400 Greg then walks us through Nikon's three rich, incisive questions and how to use them to

00:00:49.600 help you discover how you really show up and operate in the world.

00:00:52.820 We end a conversation with how to incorporate these reflections into your daily routine and

00:00:56.260 even make it a special ritual with which to ring in the new year.

00:00:59.380 After the show's over, check out our show notes at aom.is slash reflect.

00:01:12.060 All right, Greg Creech, welcome back to the show.

00:01:14.840 Well, it's good to be back, Brett.

00:01:16.180 Thanks very much.

00:01:17.220 So we had you on the show, I think a year ago or maybe it might've been two years ago.

00:01:21.080 It's time has flown.

00:01:23.200 I've lost my sense of time in 2020 is completely messed up.

00:01:26.400 But anyways, we had you on to talk about Morita therapy and your work with it, which is a

00:01:31.120 type of Japanese psychology.

00:01:33.560 And today I want to talk about something that's adjacent to that, which is a practice that

00:01:38.020 you work with and help people work with.

00:01:40.460 It's called Nikon, another Japanese practice.

00:01:43.240 So let's start off.

00:01:44.600 What is Nikon?

00:01:45.500 Who developed it and what's its backstory?

00:01:48.660 Well, Nikon is a method of self-reflection that was developed in Japan.

00:01:52.680 It was developed by a man by the name of Yoshimoto Ishin back in the 1930s, 1940s was really kind

00:02:01.380 of the time when it first started to arise, but it was preceded by a kind of ancient tradition

00:02:07.320 of self-reflection called Mishirabe, which went back hundreds of years prior to that and

00:02:13.680 was affiliated originally with a form of Buddhism called Shin Buddhism, which is actually the

00:02:21.160 most popular form of Buddhism in Japan today.

00:02:24.780 And it's an interesting form of Buddhism.

00:02:26.560 Not a lot of Americans know about it, but it's based or grounded in a concept called Tariki.

00:02:32.520 And Tariki means something like other power.

00:02:35.980 So we can look at, for instance, in the personal development arena, you hear a lot of things that

00:02:42.920 are based on Jiriki, which means self-power, as opposed to Tariki, which means other power.

00:02:48.720 And self-power is kind of the message that we give to people, you know, look, if you want

00:02:53.800 to change your life, you've got to do it yourself.

00:02:56.340 Nobody's going to do it for you.

00:02:58.060 And it's a healthy message in a lot of situations.

00:03:01.400 Tariki is the message that you can't do anything by yourself.

00:03:05.360 You cannot do anything by yourself because anything that you try to do requires the support

00:03:10.720 of other people, other objects, forms of energy, money.

00:03:15.980 And so you're really dependent on other things in the world for being able to just live, for

00:03:22.360 example, or make any changes in your life.

00:03:24.520 So it's a very different kind of conceptual foundation that you find in Nikon than the

00:03:29.600 other form of Japanese therapy that we talked about last time, which is Morita therapy.

00:03:33.540 So for those who haven't heard that episode, just high level, what is Morita therapy?

00:03:38.840 What's the basic story behind it?

00:03:41.740 Well, Morita therapy is often called the psychology of action, and it's also from Japan, but it

00:03:47.380 really is a very purpose-oriented type of approach to psychology, which has people focus primarily

00:03:55.620 on what they can do and what they can't do and accepting what they cannot do, but really

00:04:01.280 putting their energy into what's controllable and what they can do.

00:04:05.280 And I think it's probably the most popular approach that we teach, and the book that I've

00:04:10.240 written about it is the most popular bestselling of the books, because most people, particularly

00:04:15.500 going into a new year, are thinking, you know, I want to be able to accomplish my goals this

00:04:20.280 year.

00:04:20.460 I want to get more done.

00:04:22.080 And so Morita therapy is a really good tool for helping us to deal with the psychological

00:04:27.920 obstacles of accomplishing what we want to do and getting things done in our life.

00:04:33.380 And how is Nikon related to Morita therapy?

00:04:35.800 Is there a connection there sometime in the development of Nikon?

00:04:40.180 You know, there really isn't historically much of a connection.

00:04:43.600 They were really kind of developed from separate paths.

00:04:46.480 Morita is also connected in an informal way to Buddhism through Zen.

00:04:52.620 It's a different form of Buddhism, but they kind of came together in Japan, and a man that

00:04:58.820 I trained with, David Reynolds, really pulled them together.

00:05:02.560 And I think they complement each other very well, one being kind of the action-oriented

00:05:07.380 side of this material, and the other being the reflective side of this material.

00:05:12.080 And I think we need to have both in our lives.

00:05:14.760 Right.

00:05:14.980 That's also, you see that in the West, through the dichotomy between contemplation and action.

00:05:19.740 Like Aristotle talked about that too.

00:05:21.160 So let's talk about Nikon.

00:05:22.680 What is the goal of Nikon and the self-reflection that you're doing there?

00:05:26.920 Well, I think that the goal is simply to really see reality more clearly.

00:05:31.800 And it sounds like something that we wouldn't have to make any effort to do because most

00:05:37.040 of us go through life feeling like we are already able to kind of see reality and specifically

00:05:43.020 see our conduct in terms of how we're living very clearly.

00:05:46.880 But I like to think about Nikon as a kind of tool that's like a mirror.

00:05:52.640 So if you're getting ready to go out, either to work or for the evening, most people probably

00:05:58.020 spend at least a moment in front of a mirror just to kind of see what they look like, to

00:06:02.860 see if their hair looks okay or if their clothes are presentable.

00:06:07.040 You kind of glance at things.

00:06:08.280 You might spend more time than that.

00:06:09.720 But that gives you a reflection so you actually can see yourself because without a mirror,

00:06:14.600 we're actually very limited.

00:06:15.900 I can see a good part of the front of my body up to maybe about just below my neck.

00:06:21.640 But I can't see my face.

00:06:22.860 I can't see my head.

00:06:24.040 And I can't see almost any part of the back of my body.

00:06:27.040 So I really need a mirror to be able to get a fuller look.

00:06:30.740 In fact, if you go to a barbershop or a hairstylist, they'll often use a second mirror, right?

00:06:34.980 So you can kind of see how your hair looks in the back after it's been cut.

00:06:40.140 And I think Nikon is a kind of mirror.

00:06:42.000 It allows us to really see more clearly what other people see.

00:06:46.340 And often, what we think of ourselves, how we think we're looking in the world, how people

00:06:52.520 are perceiving us, is not the same as how other people are actually thinking of us.

00:06:57.860 So Nikon actually is a way of using this method, this method of self-reflection, to kind

00:07:03.960 of get a sense of what it's like for other people to actually have to deal with us, whether

00:07:09.560 it's at work or members of our family or in a professional capacity.

00:07:14.200 And that's not a perspective that we naturally have.

00:07:16.520 It's a perspective that we actually, in order to take, we have to actually step back from

00:07:21.580 our normal perspective to put ourselves in somebody else's shoes and say, what is it

00:07:26.360 like to deal with Greg as, for instance, his wife or his daughter?

00:07:30.240 And what is it that we usually miss that other people are seeing, but we're not seeing?

00:07:36.600 Well, it really varies from person to person.

00:07:39.020 But I think one of the things that we miss is often how much other people are doing for

00:07:43.800 us, because we're often not paying very much attention to that.

00:07:48.000 And that has to do, when we talk a little bit about the reflective questions, we can discuss

00:07:52.600 that further.

00:07:54.040 But one of the things we miss is really the level of support and care people are providing

00:07:58.660 for us.

00:07:59.200 But another thing that we miss, and that's really very hard to get in touch with, is how

00:08:05.380 what we're doing is causing trouble and difficulty to others, how we're inconveniencing others,

00:08:10.420 how we're causing problems for others.

00:08:12.380 That's often something that we overlook.

00:08:15.040 We focus a lot on how other people cause us problems.

00:08:18.720 And if we're driving to work on the highway, somebody kind of cuts us off and goes in front

00:08:23.100 of us and almost causes an accident.

00:08:25.220 And of course, our adrenaline gets piqued and we walk into the office and we tell everybody 0.99

00:08:30.660 in the office, boy, I almost had an accident on the way to work because this jerk kind of 0.99

00:08:34.840 cut right in front of me. 0.99

00:08:36.320 But if we cut in front of somebody else, which we probably did accidentally at some point,

00:08:41.940 we don't usually tell anybody about it.

00:08:43.920 And we'll usually just dismiss it in our minds by saying, oh, I didn't see that car there.

00:08:49.220 Right?

00:08:49.420 And then we're kind of done with it.

00:08:51.380 So one of the things that we can look at becoming more aware of is essentially how we're causing

00:08:56.620 trouble and difficulties to others, which is a much more constructive type of information

00:09:02.020 than looking at how other people are causing us trouble.

00:09:05.020 And what's the end goal?

00:09:06.740 So the whole goal of Nikon is get a better idea of what reality really looks like, how

00:09:10.040 other people perceive us, not just what we see.

00:09:12.620 And what happens once we do that?

00:09:15.240 What's the end?

00:09:15.820 Like, what is supposed to happen?

00:09:18.240 Well, I think that I would say that one of the foundation or main goals of this process

00:09:27.100 of self-reflection is really to shift from a complaint-based life to a life of genuine

00:09:34.060 appreciation.

00:09:35.620 So a complaint-based life is something that many of us are familiar with, probably because

00:09:40.980 we've seen other people live that kind of way.

00:09:43.660 And we know what it's like to be around somebody who's constantly complaining.

00:09:47.460 But of course, there are times when we're that person and we're constantly complaining.

00:09:51.800 And even when we don't complain out loud, we may be just going through a litany of complaints

00:09:56.440 about what a terrible day this was.

00:09:58.080 I'm so glad this day is over.

00:09:59.400 Or in this case, what a terrible year this was, right?

00:10:02.200 Can't wait to have this year end and get on to the next year.

00:10:05.960 And I think as we reflect on our life and the world around us and the people around us,

00:10:11.560 and we get a clearer sense of what's really going on that we're able to see, we're much

00:10:17.420 more likely to develop a really genuine or authentic sense of appreciation for our life.

00:10:23.660 So it's therapeutic.

00:10:24.220 It sounds like what some people try to do with cognitive behavioral therapy, and one

00:10:28.220 of the issues that that's trying to solve in the West is wrong thinking, or just thinking

00:10:32.500 that doesn't see reality.

00:10:35.400 And most times what you do is you only see the negative, and cognitive behavioral therapy

00:10:39.920 uses logic to be like, well, no, things aren't as bad as you think they are.

00:10:43.620 It sounds like Nikon, the self-reflection Nikon.

00:10:46.660 That's another way to get at that problem.

00:10:48.720 Yeah, I think that we're not actually trying in Nikon to change our thinking, we're actually

00:10:54.580 trying to change our seeing, more specifically trying to change where we're putting our attention.

00:11:00.360 And there's a maxim that we've developed that says your experience of life is not based

00:11:04.940 on your life.

00:11:05.660 It's based on what you pay attention to.

00:11:09.220 And so if you just think about being at the end of a day, or again, let's use the example

00:11:13.940 since the timing is that we're approaching the new year, the end of the year.

00:11:17.560 If what we're paying attention to most of the time is the infection counts, and the virus

00:11:23.840 statistics, and the political turmoil, and our personal troubles and difficulties, then

00:11:29.400 our experience of life is really painted by that kind of information, the kind of things

00:11:35.760 that we're attending to.

00:11:37.120 But when we actually pay attention to the other parts of life, which is that, in my case, that

00:11:44.200 I, for instance, have not gotten sick, I have a car that drives me around and that works

00:11:50.600 fine, I have food in my refrigerator, my daughter graduated from college this year, even though

00:11:55.880 there wasn't a ceremony, when we start looking at life in a more complete way, we're much

00:12:00.400 more likely, I think, to develop a genuine sense of appreciation.

00:12:05.020 Well, let's dig into the self-reflection Nikon.

00:12:06.660 And it's really, it's just three questions, but you can go deep with each of these questions.

00:12:11.060 So the first one is, when you do an icon, self-reflection, you ask, what have I received

00:12:17.880 from blank?

00:12:19.460 So why begin with this question?

00:12:22.480 Well, I think the question of looking at what you've received, and there's a movement in

00:12:28.960 positive psychology towards looking at how to develop more gratitude.

00:12:33.080 And so you'll see this whole idea, for instance, of gratitude journaling, putting down the things

00:12:37.500 that you feel grateful for.

00:12:38.680 This question is very carefully worded, because it's not asking you what you feel grateful

00:12:42.540 for, it's asking you to identify in a more factual way, what have you received?

00:12:47.180 So if I just use that question right now, I'm receiving the use of this microphone that I'm

00:12:53.000 speaking into, the use of the technology that you're using on your show to record our conversation.

00:12:58.200 I'm receiving your attention and your invitation for me to be your guest on the show today.

00:13:03.300 I'm also receiving electricity and Wi-Fi, nice quiet room to basically sit and talk to you

00:13:09.380 in.

00:13:09.940 I've got a window in the room, so there's some sunlight coming in.

00:13:13.340 My eyesight is working pretty well.

00:13:15.600 And I could go on and on with a list of what I'm receiving just right at this very moment.

00:13:20.300 And the reality is that most of the time, for instance, as I go through the day, I'm not

00:13:25.280 aware of most of those things.

00:13:26.660 I'm not aware that, for instance, I'm receiving fresh air and oxygen that's infusing my lungs

00:13:31.880 and allowing me to breathe properly.

00:13:34.300 And so when we pause and we do this kind of reflection, we essentially expand our awareness

00:13:40.020 of how the world is supporting us and caring for us.

00:13:44.280 And there's a neuroscientist by the name of Rick Hansen.

00:13:48.640 And he developed, I think, a great metaphor for why this question is important, because he

00:13:54.020 talks about our natural tendency.

00:13:56.360 In fact, he attributes it to the way our brain is actually wired together from a neuroscientific

00:14:01.980 standpoint.

00:14:03.020 And he talks about the natural tendency we have to really notice problems, challenges,

00:14:09.740 threats, difficulties in our life, and that those things tend to stick with us in a way

00:14:16.060 that he connects with the image of Velcro, you know, the way a piece of Velcro sticks to

00:14:21.020 the other side of it itself.

00:14:22.620 But when things are going on, like we have fresh air to breathe, or we have a cup of coffee

00:14:28.800 to drink, or we have hot water in the shower, or our car starts in the morning, we tend not

00:14:33.300 to notice those things.

00:14:35.100 And so that's more like Teflon.

00:14:38.240 So we can think of this tendency that we have, which goes really into the way our brains are

00:14:43.440 wired, as the difference between Velcro, of noticing troubles and problems in our life,

00:14:48.620 and Teflon, which is the way that the things that are actually supporting and caring for

00:14:53.320 us tend to just kind of get noticed incidentally, and then kind of slide right back off to become

00:14:59.000 invisible.

00:14:59.420 So I want to reiterate, you're not, this isn't based on feelings, this is kind of like Marita

00:15:05.060 therapy with Marita, you're not really focused on your feelings, you're focused on action you

00:15:09.240 can take.

00:15:10.060 Same with Nikon, you're not, you're not thinking about what you feel grateful for, you're just

00:15:13.780 thinking about, factually, what are the things that I receive from, you know, different people,

00:15:18.600 or organizations, or even just the earth itself, the universe itself, on a daily basis?

00:15:22.900 Yes, it's actually very objective.

00:15:25.420 And it's one of the things that I think is a common denominator in Marita and Nikon,

00:15:29.920 is they're both what I would call reality-based therapies.

00:15:32.540 In both cases, you're trying to see reality clearly.

00:15:36.320 And the fact that I'm receiving oxygen to breathe right now is just simply an objective

00:15:40.720 fact of my existence.

00:15:42.140 And the fact that I have Wi-Fi that I'm using in order to have this conversation with you is

00:15:46.920 just a fact of my existence.

00:15:48.240 And so those facts remain, whether I feel grateful for those things, or I don't feel

00:15:54.420 grateful for them.

00:15:55.980 And so when you're reflecting on this question, how do you go about it?

00:15:59.120 Do you just think about things in general that you received that day?

00:16:02.100 Or do you focus on a relationship?

00:16:04.180 Or do you focus on, I mean, what's the best way to go about this when you reflect upon this

00:16:08.480 question?

00:16:08.880 Because I mean, there's so many things, like you could spend hours thinking about all the

00:16:13.020 things you receive on a daily basis.

00:16:14.380 Yeah, which is actually a great thing to do every once in a while, particularly if you're

00:16:19.460 feeling a lot of self-pity or depression, is to really spend a couple of hours and see

00:16:24.240 how long of a list you can make.

00:16:26.300 But there are different ways to use this question.

00:16:28.720 And you can direct the question towards kind of the world as a whole, which is to some extent

00:16:34.740 what I've been doing and the examples I'm giving.

00:16:36.880 Or you can direct it towards a specific person.

00:16:39.000 And my wife, Linda, and I, who've been working together for 25 years or more, we use this

00:16:45.560 as part of our morning routine.

00:16:47.220 And the whole thing, this part of it takes probably about five or six minutes.

00:16:52.700 And what we do is we sit down and we say, let's just reflect on each other for the previous

00:16:57.020 day.

00:16:57.940 So we have probably three minutes of silence.

00:17:00.640 And I'm thinking of, in part, the first question, what did I receive from Linda yesterday?

00:17:05.040 And I'm thinking, well, you know, she got me a hot cup of coffee and she made a really

00:17:10.380 nice, healthy salad for dinner.

00:17:12.180 She kept me company on a walk that we took at lunchtime so I could get some exercise.

00:17:17.780 And she picked up the mail from the post office and she listened to some music that I was trying

00:17:23.540 to compose and gave me some feedback.

00:17:25.440 So I'm just coming up with a very practical list of what I received from her the day before.

00:17:30.260 And she's doing the same thing in her three minutes. 1.00

00:17:33.660 And we're using these other questions as well.

00:17:36.000 And then we actually just share that with each other for a couple of minutes.

00:17:39.500 And we find that it's a really great way to start the day, that we look back at the previous

00:17:44.140 24 hours.

00:17:45.740 And most importantly, we found that using this process keeps us connected to what the other

00:17:53.120 person in the marriage is actually giving to us.

00:17:55.820 And I would say, without exaggerating, that if it wasn't for this process over the past 25

00:18:00.920 years, I'm not sure we would still be married.

00:18:02.980 This really has kept us from falling into the trap that I think is very easy in a relationship

00:18:09.220 or marriage, where you start getting focused on what the other person isn't doing that

00:18:14.320 you really want them to do, or what they are doing that really aggravates you.

00:18:18.360 And that's where your attention goes.

00:18:20.280 And that's what your experience of the marriage starts to become.

00:18:23.200 So this is kind of an antidote to that.

00:18:25.380 And even by just taking a few minutes in the morning, we're able to kind of rekindle a sense

00:18:30.740 of appreciation for one another.

00:18:33.000 And you can do this with relationships that aren't intimate.

00:18:35.420 I mean, you can do this with anonymous relationships or sort of transactional relationships, right?

00:18:40.020 Like the example I came with.

00:18:40.980 So here's, we're in the pandemic.

00:18:42.240 You order food from DoorDash from Payway, right?

00:18:47.500 It magically arrives at your door.

00:18:49.800 Well, there's like a lot of people involved that made that happen.

00:18:51.840 There's the DoorDash driver.

00:18:54.340 There's the people at Payway that cook the food.

00:18:57.680 There's the systems that were developed that allowed you to order online, order with a click

00:19:02.220 of a thing on your screen with your smartphone.

00:19:05.100 People who grew the food, pick the food.

00:19:07.880 I mean, you can really just keep going back and back and back.

00:19:10.600 And seeing, boy, a lot of people made this pad thai possible.

00:19:16.700 But that's right.

00:19:18.460 And I think what you just shared with us in terms of starting that list is just an example

00:19:24.120 of taking a particular incident or event, right?

00:19:27.380 Just receiving food being delivered from a restaurant.

00:19:31.280 And you begin to see the endless roots of what it took for you to get that meal.

00:19:37.460 And if we don't do that, then we can get pulled in the direction of the only thing that

00:19:44.820 we notice is that the food isn't as hot as we wanted it, right?

00:19:48.920 And that becomes our experience.

00:19:50.940 It's like, what's wrong with these DoorDash people?

00:19:53.280 You know, it took them so long to get here and now the food's cold and now I have to heat

00:19:57.360 it up.

00:19:58.340 And so, again, you look at this idea of how do you make that shift from a complaint-based

00:20:03.660 life to a life of, you know, genuine sense of appreciation.

00:20:07.120 And I think reflection and attention are kind of the two basic ingredients in that recipe.

00:20:12.760 Well, and when I've done, I've, you know, I've done this reflection and, you know, I

00:20:17.600 followed the instructions, like, don't think about things that you feel grateful for.

00:20:20.900 I just sort of focused on the objective, like things I received.

00:20:23.580 What I found was the natural result with that is I started to feel grateful.

00:20:27.380 Yeah.

00:20:27.660 It's just, I think that, and again, that may not always happen and that's okay too, because

00:20:32.880 that's not what we're, that's not the goal in a sense.

00:20:35.640 It's kind of like the, it's a benefit that just arises naturally.

00:20:40.180 And so, ironically, we actually can get to the point where we realize that actually just

00:20:45.560 feeling grateful is something that we can be grateful for because it's not something

00:20:49.600 we're controlling, right?

00:20:51.060 It's kind of happening to us.

00:20:52.860 But the idea that we go through that process of, of looking at how we're supported, whether

00:20:58.920 it be by food delivery or whether it be by our partner in our relationship.

00:21:04.280 And then we just allow gratitude to rise naturally or not to rise naturally.

00:21:10.700 There's no effort that's involved in order to try to get us to feel a particular way.

00:21:16.200 Yeah.

00:21:16.400 I really like that because when I've tried the gratitude journal and that the question,

00:21:21.080 like, what do you, what do you feel grateful for?

00:21:23.400 Like the first time you do it, it's like, I can come up with a whole bunch of stuff, but

00:21:26.800 then after a while you're like, man, I can't, I don't feel like I, I can't feel anything

00:21:31.420 anymore.

00:21:31.800 I've just, it's not there anymore.

00:21:33.240 But when you just think about, okay, what have you received?

00:21:35.940 I mean, I can just, every day I can just keep listing stuff 365 days of the year.

00:21:41.680 And, and I think that it's a great practice because for instance, I'm wearing a, a Timex

00:21:48.280 watch right now that was my dad, dad's watched.

00:21:51.380 He died about six years ago and passed this watch onto me and I wear it almost every day.

00:21:57.720 And any time that I'm reflecting, I almost always remember to, to think about how many

00:22:03.100 times a day I've looked to see what time it was.

00:22:05.460 And I've looked at this watch I received from him.

00:22:07.500 So in a way, this gift remains alive for me and his kindness and my memory of him remain

00:22:14.960 alive because I'm doing that kind of reflection and noticing it by just being able to say, yeah,

00:22:21.360 I received the use of this watch, which allows me very easily to tell what time it is at

00:22:26.400 any, any given moment in the day.

00:22:28.880 And beyond just recognizing and sort of seeing reality for it was by recognizing the things

00:22:34.220 that you receive from different people throughout the day, should you go and tell people like

00:22:40.060 recognize, like go people publicly and say, Hey, you did this for me.

00:22:43.760 Thanks so much.

00:22:45.380 Yeah.

00:22:45.820 I mean, I think that's a great question.

00:22:47.280 And I think, again, there's nothing in Nikon that suggests that once you see that somebody's

00:22:53.660 done something for you or helped you or supported you, that you have to do something for them

00:22:58.820 or say thank you.

00:23:00.280 But in many cases, it just arises as a natural response.

00:23:05.440 So if we compare it to the 12 step program, there's a whole process, for instance, of making

00:23:10.560 amends.

00:23:11.200 It's one of the steps that after you've done this inventory of yourself.

00:23:14.480 And I mentioned the 12 step program because it's very consistent, even though it's a different

00:23:18.900 process, it's very consistent with Nikon.

00:23:22.420 And there's a number of people who have been involved in the 12 step program who have then

00:23:26.220 also been working with Nikon and found the two to be very complimentary.

00:23:30.500 But in Nikon, you've reached the end point when you've actually seen the answers to these

00:23:36.580 questions.

00:23:37.760 And then whatever feelings arise is just what arises naturally and whatever actions you decide

00:23:43.240 to take.

00:23:43.740 And I can give you a quick little example, which is I live in this rural community,

00:23:48.380 Moncton, Vermont, and they just put up a community dog park, a Fenston area at this field just about

00:23:54.980 two miles from where we live.

00:23:56.880 And I happen to be living with my daughter who just graduated from the university who just

00:24:01.960 got a puppy.

00:24:02.980 And so the timing of this was great.

00:24:05.520 And we take her over there and she can kind of run around in this huge Fenston area.

00:24:09.280 Other dogs come and they play.

00:24:11.900 And so in recognizing that, in reflecting on how valuable that's been, I just decided to

00:24:18.920 write a letter to the, I found out who was on the committee that got this dog park built

00:24:24.300 and just wrote a letter both congratulating and thanking them and offering to bake a loaf

00:24:28.860 of bread for each member of the committee.

00:24:30.900 And it's not because there's something in the process that says, oh, I should do something

00:24:36.360 in return.

00:24:37.960 It's just because I just have this natural feeling, this natural response of wanting to

00:24:43.740 do something in return in order to give something back to these people who put in a lot of time

00:24:49.120 and energy to get this thing developed.

00:24:51.820 We're going to take a quick break for your words from our sponsors.

00:24:56.780 And now back to the show.

00:24:58.840 All right.

00:24:59.260 So that first question, what have I received from?

00:25:01.300 I mean, if someone just did that question for their self-recollection today, I think they'd

00:25:05.100 get a lot out of it, but it doesn't stop there.

00:25:07.680 The second question.

00:25:08.720 Yeah.

00:25:08.740 And I agree with you.

00:25:09.840 If I think that, you know, sometimes people, they say, oh, I don't have time.

00:25:12.920 And you just, if you just spend five minutes and just do that first question, I think

00:25:17.420 you do get a lot out of it.

00:25:18.880 But as we'll see, I think if you, if you take some time to do the other two questions,

00:25:23.620 it actually begins to build on the first question.

00:25:26.480 All right.

00:25:26.580 So the second question is, what have I given to fill in the blank?

00:25:30.840 So what's the purpose of this question?

00:25:32.620 What are we trying to do?

00:25:33.320 So this is just the reverse, right?

00:25:36.140 We're just looking at the, we're just changing the direction.

00:25:39.040 If we use your example of DoorDash, we're thinking, well, what did I give?

00:25:42.940 You know, so I paid for the meal that was given to me.

00:25:47.560 There was a fee added.

00:25:48.860 I gave a tip to the driver, maybe.

00:25:51.240 So we're looking at what you gave in the situation.

00:25:53.700 And so when we look at these two questions side by side, we've, we now see the give

00:26:00.380 and take of our lives either during this period of time or in relation to this particular

00:26:06.080 relationship.

00:26:07.580 So if I was to do this, you know, somewhat thoroughly, if I could, in relation to my wife

00:26:12.740 for a 24 hour period for yesterday, and she was to do the same thing, I would basically

00:26:17.800 see all the things I receive from her.

00:26:19.500 And I would identify what I had given to her.

00:26:22.540 And that is a wonderful reconciliation to look at because you see the debits and credits

00:26:28.440 and the man who developed Nikon, Yoshimoto Isshin, he was a very devout religious person, but

00:26:34.820 he was also a very successful business person.

00:26:36.920 And he wrote that he developed these first two questions, kind of working from a accounting

00:26:43.820 or business framework, you know, because his company, which made artificial leather for

00:26:49.280 Japanese cars back in the 60s and 70s, that his company would send out a statement to their

00:26:56.020 clients saying, here's how much product we shipped to you.

00:26:59.500 And here's how much money you basically paid.

00:27:02.140 And either you have a credit or you owe us some money, right?

00:27:06.240 And he saw this as kind of more of a spiritual reconciliation based on our life, you know.

00:27:11.980 So I went through the day yesterday, this is what I received from the world, food from

00:27:16.500 the refrigerator, air to breathe, my car worked, my wife made a nice salad, this whole list

00:27:21.640 of things, a hot shower.

00:27:22.860 And here's what I gave, I walked the dog, I fed the dog, I helped, you know, my daughter

00:27:27.560 with a particular question she had about the computer.

00:27:30.200 And now I look at these things side by side.

00:27:34.200 And for me personally, and I always encourage people to deal with this freshly, but for me

00:27:39.520 personally, almost all the time, what I find, no matter what I'm looking at, is that I've

00:27:44.240 received more than I gave.

00:27:46.220 When I first went to Japan to do my first training in this material, I spent two weeks going through

00:27:52.360 my entire life, 16 hours a day, just reflecting on my life using these three questions and looking

00:27:59.600 at every relationship in the same way.

00:28:02.280 What did I receive from this girl I dated when I was in high school for those two years?

00:28:06.940 What did I give to her?

00:28:08.280 And in every single case, I found that I had received more than I had given.

00:28:13.080 So one of the things that happened is I changed, my self-image kind of changed because it had to

00:28:19.760 change because I'd always thought of myself as a very giving person, but in reality, it

00:28:24.560 was more accurate to say that I was a receiving person.

00:28:27.480 Or some people would say I'm a taking person, but I received much more than I was giving in

00:28:32.520 all these relationships.

00:28:34.760 And that astounded me.

00:28:36.400 And it made me, on the one hand, feel kind of guilty that I wasn't giving more or doing

00:28:42.000 more.

00:28:42.620 But on the other hand, it made me feel more cared for and supported than I had ever felt in

00:28:48.180 my entire life.

00:28:48.960 This is when I was back in my early 30s.

00:28:50.960 It's over 30 years ago now.

00:28:52.560 And I think when we look at these two questions side by side, we begin to get a sense of the

00:28:58.800 balance or imbalance in our receiving and giving.

00:29:02.800 And in situations where we're receiving more, again, there's often this natural sense that

00:29:09.460 I want to do something more for my wife.

00:29:12.480 I want to do something more for the community.

00:29:14.480 I want to do something more for the planet, whatever it is that we're kind of looking at.

00:29:18.800 And it's not based on some commandment that I should be a better person and be kinder

00:29:26.200 to people.

00:29:26.840 It's based on just a natural sense that arises in me that I want to do more for others because

00:29:32.580 I feel like my life has been so blessed.

00:29:35.120 In conjunction, when you were talking about this question, what have I given to, you quoted

00:29:40.420 this article from like the 1940s, like Forbes article.

00:29:43.720 It's called Try Giving Yourself Away.

00:29:45.760 And it's really, I've been thinking about it a lot since I read about it.

00:29:48.560 What's the big idea there?

00:29:49.680 And how is it connected to this question of what have I given to?

00:29:53.040 Well, it's an interesting article by this man kind of going back into the 40s where he just

00:30:00.560 really tries to look for opportunities for how he can do things when he's out and about,

00:30:07.440 how he can give things to other people, including just feedback or advice in situations where

00:30:12.920 that's called for.

00:30:13.860 And he tells a lot of stories in that book.

00:30:16.100 And I think that one of the things for me that that really has gotten me to see is that

00:30:22.040 even in situations where I'm making a special effort, and I'll use the example of baking

00:30:26.840 bread, even though I haven't done this for these people yet.

00:30:30.160 But let's say tomorrow I bake a loaf of sourdough bread for one of the people on the dog park

00:30:35.520 committee, and I deliver it over there.

00:30:38.720 And I think, you know, that was kind of a nice thing that I did.

00:30:41.100 You know, they made this dog park, but at least I did something in return.

00:30:45.200 But here's this question of, like, what did I receive in order to do that, right?

00:30:50.820 So I'm trying to actually do something that's nice.

00:30:53.800 I'm trying to respond to my natural sense that I want to do something to help repay these

00:30:58.580 people for what they did that has benefited me.

00:31:02.000 But in order to do that, I needed to get flour.

00:31:04.760 I needed to have a baking board.

00:31:06.900 I needed to have a good oven.

00:31:08.760 And I needed to have water, good fresh water for the bread and some salt, all those ingredients.

00:31:15.200 I actually needed to have sourdough starter, which was, now that I think of it as we're

00:31:18.960 talking, was a Christmas gift from my daughter from two years ago.

00:31:23.140 I still have the same sourdough starter that I've kept up for the past two years in the

00:31:27.080 refrigerator.

00:31:27.700 So that went into the bread.

00:31:29.100 And I began to see that even in my efforts to try to give something or do something for

00:31:34.820 others, to try to give myself away, I'm dependent on all of these other people and things and

00:31:41.940 forms of energy just to be able to do that.

00:31:44.700 So I'm very humbled by that process.

00:31:47.600 It really makes me feel very humbled to think about that even in a situation where I'm doing

00:31:53.100 something that seems kind and giving, I have to receive so much to be able to do that.

00:31:57.820 Yeah, it really shows the interdependence of relationships.

00:32:02.360 Yeah, and I think that interdependence, that principle, which is very easy to comprehend

00:32:08.040 intellectually and exists, I think, in virtually every spiritual tradition in the world.

00:32:15.220 But when you actually do this kind of reflection, you start learning about how that's working

00:32:20.640 in a very mechanical way, in a very practical way in your day-to-day life.

00:32:24.840 And it's a very different thing, I think, to experience it practically than it is to just

00:32:30.060 consider it to be like, oh, this is a beautiful spiritual principle.

00:32:34.500 All right, so reflecting on what have I received from and also in conjunction with what have

00:32:38.520 I given to, there's no endgame with this.

00:32:41.460 With Nikon therapy, there's no goal that you're supposed to do something.

00:32:47.020 But one of the natural results is that you're maybe going to want to do more.

00:32:49.820 You maybe want to serve more or maybe just be more helpful, more useful to people.

00:32:53.960 And I love in the book, you give different suggestions on how you can do that.

00:32:56.680 It doesn't have to be big.

00:32:58.100 An email of encouragement, a text of encouragement, picking up litter.

00:33:02.420 I mean, really small things.

00:33:03.840 That serves its purpose.

00:33:05.900 You know, sometimes I'll get an email, and you probably have had this experience, you get

00:33:11.280 an email or even a short message just saying, you know, I really love what you're doing,

00:33:15.560 or I loved your show, or I loved your book, and it goes into a little bit of detail.

00:33:19.880 And it makes your day to get that kind of feedback.

00:33:22.800 And you think about what was the cost of that to the person who wrote it, you know, about

00:33:27.560 maybe two minutes or three minutes of their time and pressing the send button on their

00:33:31.700 phone or computer.

00:33:32.880 So, you know, we're capable of actually spreading a lot of joy and happiness and gratitude in

00:33:39.500 the world with, in many cases, a very small investment of our energy.

00:33:44.200 Okay.

00:33:44.220 So we talked about what have I received from, what have I given to, let's talk about this

00:33:49.000 third question, which is what troubles and difficulties did I cause blank?

00:33:53.780 So what are we doing with this question?

00:33:56.000 Well, this is the hardest question.

00:33:57.800 And, and this is the question that people question most often, because it's not a question that

00:34:03.780 makes us usually feel good.

00:34:05.220 And I often tell people that the process that of doing this kind of reflection is not a process

00:34:11.080 that's designed to make us feel good.

00:34:13.600 It's, it's a process that's designed to help us see the reality of our lives.

00:34:17.740 And so we're looking at this question, you know, how did I cause inconvenience problems,

00:34:23.080 troubles to my wife, to my daughter, to just other people that I've been around for a certain

00:34:29.200 period for the past day or the past month.

00:34:31.260 And it's a difficult question to look at, but the best example of, of why I think this

00:34:36.580 is effective is I can go back to studies that they did in Japan in the 1960s, where they

00:34:42.700 use Nikon in the prison system over a period of years.

00:34:46.460 And they did research and they had people who were in prison, who were convicted of, of

00:34:52.300 crimes, in some cases, serious crimes.

00:34:54.520 They had people spend one week, just like you would in a retreat, doing Nikon on their

00:34:59.400 lives and going through their lives with all three of these questions, including what

00:35:03.740 trouble and difficulty did I cause?

00:35:05.440 And you can imagine somebody, particularly if they're a career or a lifelong criminal,

00:35:09.480 what it would be like for them to actually just sit and do nothing but think about all

00:35:14.680 of the people who suffered as a result of the crimes and the criminal activities that

00:35:20.080 they had involved in their life.

00:35:22.820 And what they found is, is they then looked at the recidivism rate and they found that in

00:35:27.680 every prison that was doing this, the number of people after they left prison that were

00:35:32.200 re-arrested was dramatically lower than with the people who hadn't gone through this process

00:35:38.520 of Nikon reflection.

00:35:40.240 So again, it wasn't like it was attached to any moral commandment that says, when you

00:35:44.880 get out of prison, we want you to be a good citizen.

00:35:47.260 But this process itself just influenced people to essentially make changes, significant changes

00:35:53.940 in their lifestyle once they had really seen the difficulty and suffering that they've

00:35:58.960 caused.

00:35:59.500 And the same kind of research exists with people in Japan who are alcoholics in terms of looking

00:36:04.840 at how their drinking caused suffering and difficulty to other people.

00:36:08.880 So if we're willing to be honest and open to how we're causing problems and difficulties,

00:36:14.900 and it doesn't have to be the kind of things that you would see if you were in the Japanese

00:36:20.440 mafia, it could just simply be, I left my dirty dishes in the sink and my wife ended up washing 1.00

00:36:25.860 them, or I left my socks on the floor in the bedroom, or I was half an hour late for a lunch

00:36:31.900 appointment and the person had to wait for me.

00:36:34.380 But when we see those things, we begin to put ourselves in another person's shoes.

00:36:39.280 What is it like for someone to be my colleague and have to work with me?

00:36:44.180 What is it like for my wife to actually have to deal with me as her husband, or for my daughter 0.88

00:36:49.840 to have to be able to deal with me as her father?

00:36:52.260 And some of the most, I would say, profound and emotional reflections I've had have really

00:36:59.220 been doing this third question and looking at people I was very close to, my family and

00:37:04.800 close friends for years, and seeing essentially some of the really selfish things that I had

00:37:12.220 done to cause trouble and difficulty to those people.

00:37:15.180 But I would argue that that's incredibly important, because whether you see it or not, it's part

00:37:22.100 of a page of the book of your life that's already been written, right?

00:37:25.860 So your choice is really, do you want to be conscious about how you've lived your life,

00:37:31.300 or do you want to essentially be blind to these elements of how you've lived your life?

00:37:36.020 And I think we should, in the interest of living a good life, and in the interest of our own

00:37:40.860 kind of spiritual aspirations, we should try to be more conscious of basically how we're

00:37:45.820 living.

00:37:46.420 Yeah, and this question is useful, because as you said earlier, we tend to overlook the

00:37:49.800 things that we do.

00:37:51.360 We tend to focus on what other people do that inconvenience us, right?

00:37:54.220 The guy that cuts us off, man, we're talking about it to our wife when we get home. 1.00

00:37:57.500 This guy is such a jerk. 1.00

00:37:59.060 But we tend to overlook when we've done that in the past. 1.00

00:38:01.480 And this question says, no, you do this stuff too.

00:38:04.820 You got to see reality for what it is.

00:38:06.240 You cause inconvenience just like that guy who cut you off.

00:38:09.100 Yeah, I think most of us have gotten a lot of practice and therefore developed a habit

00:38:17.100 of complaining about other people.

00:38:20.460 And in some cases, whenever I think about it this way, I'm always kind of surprised, but

00:38:25.820 it's almost more natural when you get together, whether it's just with your partner or your

00:38:31.680 roommate or a group of friends for dinner, it's almost more natural to complain about all

00:38:37.740 the problems in your life than it is to talk about all the things that are going well or

00:38:42.600 all the ways in which life is actually helping or supporting you.

00:38:46.640 And so people often find that if you work in an office setting with other people, that

00:38:54.820 complaining is actually the norm in that social experience.

00:38:59.060 And if you were to go into the office and say, well, let me tell you what happened to

00:39:02.860 me on the way to work this morning.

00:39:04.540 You know, first of all, my car started like the first time.

00:39:06.980 It's just amazing.

00:39:08.020 I turned the key.

00:39:08.640 It started right up.

00:39:10.020 And I looked at the gas gauge and it was full.

00:39:12.360 And apparently my husband must have filled it up with gas yesterday.

00:39:15.220 And then I'm driving down the road and traffic is backed up and there's this truck painting

00:39:22.440 these yellow lines, you know, on the road so that you know which lane you're in so that

00:39:28.220 people don't crash into each other.

00:39:29.760 Isn't that fortunate that somebody's out there doing that? 0.99

00:39:32.660 And if you said that, people would look at you like you're nuts.

00:39:36.320 But if you go in and you just run off a litany of complaints about the traffic and the news

00:39:42.940 and the political situation, people just shake their head and agree with you.

00:39:47.080 And then they basically share their own experiences about those same things.

00:39:51.740 So complaining has become much of a norm in our social experience.

00:39:55.940 Right.

00:39:56.000 This question helps you be less of a complainer.

00:39:58.480 I mean, you even recommend that people spend about 60% of the reflection when they're doing

00:40:02.320 Nikon on this question.

00:40:04.620 Yeah.

00:40:05.100 And that's really what was, I think, recommended to me in my own training in Japan is that this

00:40:10.020 is really of the three questions.

00:40:11.420 This is really an important question because it allows us to see ourselves, again, this

00:40:17.120 idea of using a mirror in a way that we wouldn't otherwise see.

00:40:21.000 And when I talk about the idea of putting ourselves in the other person's shoes, this question, what

00:40:26.880 is it like for Linda to be married to me, that that process of doing that psychologically is 0.91

00:40:33.760 really the foundation of empathy.

00:40:36.220 It's the foundation of compassion.

00:40:37.620 It's the foundation of understanding.

00:40:39.320 So our ability to see things from the other person's perspective, including ourselves,

00:40:45.220 is really one of the essential elements, I think, of a healthy relationship with anybody,

00:40:51.040 someone we're working with or members of our family.

00:40:53.180 So if we can do that, we really increase the chances that we can basically have healthy

00:40:58.520 relationships in our life as opposed to conflict and kind of resentment towards others.

00:41:05.320 And how do we not let this exercise delve into self-loathing?

00:41:08.580 Do you think, man, I inconvenience, I cause so many people so many problems, I'm a terrible

00:41:14.760 person.

00:41:15.180 How do you avoid that?

00:41:16.080 Yeah, I think that it comes up a lot where I, particularly from therapists, will say,

00:41:21.340 well, do we really want to have people who are already struggling, for instance, with

00:41:25.700 depression or anxiety, you know, looking at themselves and looking at like, in a way that

00:41:31.820 just makes them feel bad about themselves.

00:41:33.720 But if we think about it, is feeling guilty about specific actions or specific conduct,

00:41:41.180 is that really a bad thing?

00:41:42.980 I think it's a very, it's actually a natural response of compassion when we look at something

00:41:49.520 that we've done that has caused trouble to someone, to feel bad about that.

00:41:53.540 I think that actually comes from a compassionate part of us.

00:41:57.180 And I think to not, to do something that has caused suffering and not feel bad about it,

00:42:03.620 is to some extent pathological.

00:42:06.100 It's not really healthy.

00:42:08.000 So the key thing is kind of in your question is, we don't want to get caught up in that

00:42:14.080 kind of self-loathing.

00:42:15.660 What we want to do is use it as information, as feedback from reality, for maybe how we can

00:42:21.540 change our lives or make some changes in how we're treating other people or in the way

00:42:25.880 that we're living.

00:42:26.520 And also, it's very humbling.

00:42:28.800 You know, I think that people who are successful, people who have written bestselling books and

00:42:34.000 have successful businesses and are CEOs, it's very hard for people who have any success in

00:42:39.320 their life not to begin to feel a little bit arrogant or self-righteous or kind of above

00:42:45.180 others.

00:42:46.120 And I think for people who are successful, looking at how they've caused trouble and difficulty

00:42:51.320 and problems to others on that path to success is actually very humbling.

00:42:56.280 And probably very good in terms of helping them to stay away from going in the other

00:43:02.420 direction, which is to get caught up in a sense of self-righteousness and arrogance,

00:43:08.840 right?

00:43:09.140 It's the opposite of what you had mentioned originally, which is getting caught in a state

00:43:13.340 of looking at other people and thinking, why can't that person just get their act together?

00:43:17.260 Why are they messing up their lives like that?

00:43:19.640 So I think being humbled for many of us is actually a very healthy experience.

00:43:24.900 So the three questions again, what have I given to, what have I received from, and what

00:43:30.240 troubles and difficulties did I cause, fill in the blank.

00:43:33.040 Can you imagine you just do this on a daily basis?

00:43:35.040 You can do this morning before you set out the door or at night before you go to sleep.

00:43:39.440 Yes.

00:43:39.720 I think that, you know, I mentioned just taking, again, six or seven minutes with my wife,

00:43:44.260 Linda, in the morning where we do this is just kind of part of our morning routine.

00:43:47.360 I think you can dedicate blocks of time to this in the same way that you dedicate time

00:43:53.440 to getting physical exercise by going running or going to the gym or working out in some

00:43:58.780 way.

00:43:59.340 I think we have to dedicate time to self-reflection.

00:44:02.740 If we don't do that, it's very hard to have, I think, any balance in our life.

00:44:06.360 Most people are very active and we're busy people.

00:44:10.160 Most of us are busy.

00:44:11.100 You ask people, how are you?

00:44:12.220 And they say, oh, I'm so busy.

00:44:13.280 And we go from one thing to another and we get to a point in our day where we say, okay,

00:44:17.580 that's it.

00:44:18.220 I'm done.

00:44:19.140 And then we shift from action to some kind of passivity, which could be looking at Facebook,

00:44:25.200 watching a movie, watching a sitcom, you know, surfing the internet, passive activities.

00:44:31.400 And so we have action and we have passiveness or passivity, but what's often missing from

00:44:37.760 our life is reflectivity, which is what we're really discussing today and actually building

00:44:42.480 time into your day, even if it's just for a few minutes before bed, first thing in the

00:44:47.120 morning to just be reflecting on your life using this kind of method or even other methods

00:44:53.120 that may lead you to the same type of contemplative approach to your life.

00:44:58.940 All right.

00:44:59.000 So you can do Nikon daily.

00:45:00.500 It doesn't take very long, but you also in the book talk about, you can set aside, you

00:45:04.660 know, periods, like special days where you just do Nikon reflections, make it sort of a

00:45:10.000 ritual. And one way you talked about, you can do that is using the new year to do sort

00:45:15.660 of a special Nikon reflection. So we're about to start a new year, ending 2020, about to

00:45:20.820 start 2021. How can folks modify Nikon so they can reflect on the year that's passed and the

00:45:27.620 one that's about to come?

00:45:29.500 Well, it's a perfect time to actually be doing this at the end of the year and going into

00:45:33.460 a new year. And I encourage people to spend even a minimal amount of time doing some type

00:45:38.540 of reflection on the year before you get into setting your goals or making resolutions.

00:45:44.260 Because in every case, both personally and people I've worked with, when you do that,

00:45:49.300 it informs what you end up doing in terms of moving forward in your life. And I think that's

00:45:53.900 one of the real values of self-reflection is that doing this reflection informs moving

00:45:59.440 forward in your life. So for years, there was a woman in upstate New York that used to actually

00:46:04.300 host an event where people came sometimes from several hundred miles around. And we

00:46:09.360 spent the last eight hours of the year doing quiet self-reflection up until midnight on New

00:46:14.700 Year's Eve. And then we kind of toasted and had a nice meal together. But it's a great way

00:46:19.320 to end the year. And this year, where people are less likely to have social engagements and

00:46:25.060 New Year's Eve parties, I would really encourage people to think about using that evening, New Year's

00:46:30.180 evening, and just sitting back and doing some reflection. And we actually have a booklet that

00:46:36.400 I developed and have updated every year for about the past 10 years called A Guide to New Year's

00:46:42.780 Reflection. And if you think it's okay, Brett, I'd be happy to give people an email address and we'd be

00:46:49.200 happy to send them a link so that they can download that and use that if they want to do some reflection

00:46:54.160 on New Year's Eve. But it's a great way to end the year. And it also offers you a different

00:46:59.200 perception of the year. Most of us think, oh, this year 2020, what a crazy, terrible year.

00:47:05.600 Can't wait till the year is over. Get a fresh start in the new year. But if you reflected,

00:47:10.440 or at least for me personally, I found that there were some really great moments and experiences of

00:47:15.840 joy, great times that I really connected, for instance, with my daughter who's been living with

00:47:21.120 us during the lockdown and the pandemic period of time. There was a lot of positive things that

00:47:26.340 happened in the year for me, even though there was also a lot of losses. And so it gives me a much

00:47:31.480 more balanced view of the year to kind of look at it specifically using this kind of reflective

00:47:36.500 process than just kind of my gut sense of it being really a rotten year.

00:47:41.760 And then after you do that reflection, you can then start setting your goals for the new year

00:47:45.280 based on what you thought about.

00:47:47.440 Yeah, I think. And again, I teach a course in the beginning of the year, if it's okay to mention

00:47:51.540 this called Living on Purpose, which is really designed to get people started off in the right

00:47:55.640 direction of the year. And it's really the idea of looking at, you know, how can I be very clear

00:48:02.120 about what's going to give my life meaning this year? You know, those are the things that I want

00:48:07.260 to elevate in terms of the energy that I'm going to put in. We have a certain amount of energy that

00:48:12.780 we're going to have available to us if we live a whole year from now. And we want to have those

00:48:17.900 things that are really going to be meaningful and important to us to get a lot of that energy.

00:48:23.080 And I think if we start thinking about it that way, the hard thing, of course, is sticking to it

00:48:27.240 once we kind of get going. And that's where the Merida therapy piece of this material comes in.

00:48:32.040 Once we're actually in the process of doing things and the taking action, we shift, we can shift into

00:48:37.100 this other mode of psychological support. But I think the idea is that there's a very natural process

00:48:42.960 of reflection and contemplation that leads to then redirecting our energy, our goals,

00:48:50.520 and the things that we want to achieve in the coming year.

00:48:53.620 Well, Greg, this has been a great conversation. Where can people go to learn more about the book

00:48:56.900 Nikon and the rest of your work?

00:48:59.220 Well, we have a website that has a lot of our material up there, which is called 30,000days.org.

00:49:05.720 .org. And it's to spell, it's the words 30,000 days all together. And if people want to send an

00:49:12.720 email to us at the address t-o-d-o to-do at totoinstitute.org, then we'll be glad to respond

00:49:21.300 and give you a link so that you can download this New Year's booklet. But you'll find a lot of

00:49:26.320 resources on our website. And I've been doing this for 30 years. And the reason that I've kind of

00:49:32.440 continued doing this for 30 years is because I really believe it's a great alternative to some

00:49:36.920 of the more traditional Western therapy and Western psychology that is really common in the U.S.

00:49:43.320 And I think for people who are inclined to look at approaches from the East, whether it be,

00:49:49.860 you know, acupuncture or yoga or Chinese medicine or martial arts, I think there's some great wisdom

00:49:55.740 that we can take in also in the area of psychology.

00:49:59.200 Well, Greg Creech, thanks for your time. It's been a pleasure and have a happy New Year.

00:50:01.540 Well, thank you, Brad. It's been a pleasure talking to you. And I hope you have a

00:50:04.960 wonderful New Year and a great year next year.

00:50:08.180 My guest today was Greg Creech. He's the author of the book Nikon. It's available on amazon.com.

00:50:12.100 You can find out more information about his work at his website,

00:50:14.640 todoinstitute.com. Also check out our show notes at aom.is slash reflect,

00:50:20.860 where you can find links to resources, where you can delve deeper into this topic.

00:50:23.520 Well, that wraps up another edition of the AOM podcast. Check out our website at

00:50:34.360 artofmanliness.com, where you find our podcast archives, as well as thousands of articles

00:50:37.900 written over the years. And if you'd like to enjoy ad-free episodes of the AOM podcast,

00:50:41.220 you can do so on Stitcher Premium. Head over to stitcherpremium.com, sign up, use code

00:50:45.140 manliness at checkout for a free month trial. Once you're signed up, download the Stitcher app

00:50:48.900 on Android or iOS, and you can start enjoying ad-free episodes of the AOM podcast. And if you

00:50:53.040 haven't done so already, I'd appreciate it if you take one minute to give us a review on Apple

00:50:55.940 Podcasts or Stitcher. It helps out a lot. If you've done that already, thank you. Please consider

00:50:59.760 sharing the show with a friend or family member who you would think would get something out of it.

00:51:02.920 As always, thank you for the continued support. Until next time, this is Brett McKay,

00:51:06.480 reminding you not only listen to the AOM podcast, but put what you've heard into action.

00:51:18.900 Thank you.

00:51:22.080 Thank you.

00:51:27.240 Thank you.

00:51:27.920 Thank you.

The Art of Manliness - December 28, 2020

Begin the New Year by Reflecting on These 3 Life-Changing Questions

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