The Art of Manliness - Tactics and Mindset Shifts for Making the Most of Life

00:00:00.000 Hey, this is Brett.

00:00:00.720 We're taking a break from new episodes today,

00:00:02.320 but we're gonna rebroadcast episode number 825,

00:00:05.640 Tactics and Mindset Shifts

00:00:06.820 from Making the Most Out of Life with Matthew Dix.

00:00:09.500 It's a really good episode, a lot of great advice

00:00:11.160 on how to get more out of your day.

00:00:12.960 Hope you enjoy it.

00:00:13.720 We'll see you back on Wednesday with a brand new episode.

00:00:23.920 Brett McKay here, and welcome to another edition

00:00:25.680 of the Art of Manliness podcast.

00:00:27.720 Matthew Dix wears a lot of hats.

00:00:30.000 Among other things, he's a storyteller,

00:00:31.780 communications consultant, writer, and school teacher.

00:00:34.820 In order to excel in his professional life,

00:00:36.560 as well as do what he loves in his personal life,

00:00:38.680 he's developed a set of strategies

00:00:40.120 that help him be more creative and productive

00:00:41.820 and can be used by anyone

00:00:43.200 who wants to start making the most of life.

00:00:45.640 Matt writes about these tactics and mindset shifts

00:00:47.720 in his latest book, Someday is Today,

00:00:50.140 22 Simple, Actual Ways to Propel Your Creative Life,

00:00:52.960 and he shares some of them with us today on the show,

00:00:55.220 including why you need to think in minutes,

00:00:56.980 be an eagle rather than a mouse,

00:00:58.520 practice deliberate in curiosity,

00:01:00.340 and always do your best to act like a decent human being.

00:01:03.340 Along the way, Matt and I talk about

00:01:04.900 why you should floss in the shower

00:01:06.060 and how restaurants that make guacamole at your table

00:01:08.440 are a great example of the folly

00:01:10.060 of making a thing a thing.

00:01:12.660 After the show's over,

00:01:13.540 check out our show notes at awim.is slash someday.

00:01:16.360 Matthew Dix, welcome back to the show.

00:01:34.680 Thank you so much for having me.

00:01:36.080 I appreciate it.

00:01:37.160 So we had you on a few years ago

00:01:38.200 to talk about your book, Storyworthy,

00:01:40.200 which is about how to tell better stories.

00:01:42.600 You are an expert storyteller.

00:01:44.180 You're a Moth Grand Slam winner,

00:01:46.360 and you've got a new book out.

00:01:48.740 It's not about storytelling.

00:01:49.900 There's lots of great stories in it,

00:01:51.200 but it's called Someday is Today,

00:01:53.320 22 Simple, Actual Ways to Propel Your Creative Life.

00:01:56.860 You wear many hats.

00:01:58.160 You're a storyteller.

00:01:59.080 You write novels.

00:02:00.740 You are also an elementary school teacher,

00:02:02.800 but you've also somehow managed

00:02:04.640 to become a productivity expert,

00:02:07.720 particularly for creative types.

00:02:09.680 How did that happen?

00:02:10.660 Well, because I'm standing in front of people quite a bit,

00:02:13.720 whether I'm talking about my books

00:02:15.040 or telling stories or delivering keynotes,

00:02:18.300 that Q&A section always comes up.

00:02:20.540 And when it does,

00:02:21.320 they know all the hats that I wear.

00:02:22.920 So almost always the first question I would get is,

00:02:25.940 how do you do all the things that you do?

00:02:28.480 And I always thought if you'd sit down with me

00:02:30.840 for like 19 hours,

00:02:32.220 I could go through a whole system

00:02:33.760 that might help you do the same thing.

00:02:35.900 But no one, including my cats,

00:02:38.220 want to spend 19 hours with me.

00:02:39.880 So I'd often just toss out the two or three strategies

00:02:43.720 that came first to mind.

00:02:45.300 And I always felt like I was letting them down,

00:02:48.780 like I didn't really help them at all with that answer.

00:02:50.960 So the book is the attempt to answer that question.

00:02:53.780 How do I manage to do all the things that I do

00:02:55.820 and also have a wife and two kids

00:02:58.220 and a terrible golf game and a bunch of poker buddies

00:03:00.460 and do all the things that I love to do

00:03:02.140 while also doing all the professional

00:03:04.160 and creative things I like to do?

00:03:05.640 So I'm hoping when someone asks me that question

00:03:08.100 in the future, I'll say, just buy my book

00:03:09.820 and that will guide you on your way.

00:03:13.560 Okay, so you start off the book

00:03:14.940 laying some foundational principles

00:03:16.760 for your approach to work in the creative life.

00:03:20.820 And one of them is for people to develop

00:03:23.540 what you call a 100-year-old plan.

00:03:26.120 What is that and why does that help people

00:03:28.660 start taking action on their goals?

00:03:30.320 Well, I think that if you asked me right now,

00:03:35.040 what would you do with the next two hours of your life?

00:03:38.340 If I'm just basing it upon my current desires,

00:03:41.820 I would say I'm gonna go play golf and eat a cheeseburger.

00:03:44.640 That's basically gonna be my always choice.

00:03:47.420 But I think the problem is when we choose what to do

00:03:50.880 and how we spend our time and the decisions we make

00:03:53.220 based upon this temporary timeframe that we're within now,

00:03:57.480 ultimately we end up in a place we don't want to be in.

00:04:01.360 When I was 22, I was involved

00:04:04.320 in a really horrific armed robbery.

00:04:06.780 And there was a moment during that robbery

00:04:08.440 when I was absolutely certain that I was about to die.

00:04:12.820 And in that moment, the thing that surprised me the most

00:04:16.280 was that I wasn't afraid or angry or even sad.

00:04:21.080 The only thing I felt was regret about the fact

00:04:24.400 that I was 22 and had yet to even begin

00:04:26.660 to pursue my dreams.

00:04:28.540 And really that sort of was a hinge point in my life.

00:04:31.720 And I decided I don't ever wanna feel that regret again.

00:04:34.840 If you talk to hospice workers,

00:04:36.120 they'll tell you at the end of people's lives,

00:04:37.840 they talk a lot about regret,

00:04:39.680 the things that didn't happen in someone's life.

00:04:42.240 And I just, I don't want that to be the case for me.

00:04:45.480 So what I did is I said to myself,

00:04:47.940 I need to be thinking ahead.

00:04:49.620 So when I have a decision to make,

00:04:51.340 whether it's how to spend this day

00:04:53.000 or what door to open, what path to take,

00:04:56.520 I look ahead to what I envision to be

00:04:59.060 the 100-year-old version of myself,

00:05:01.060 the one lying in his deathbed.

00:05:02.640 He's binging Netflix because he can do nothing else.

00:05:05.220 And he's sort of winding down his time.

00:05:07.640 And I ask that version of me,

00:05:10.060 how should I spend this day?

00:05:12.120 How should I spend this hour?

00:05:13.880 And that version of me always has greater wisdom.

00:05:16.400 That version always says to me,

00:05:17.960 go outside and play with your son because he's 10

00:05:20.620 and he's not going to be 10 forever.

00:05:22.140 Or finish that book instead of binging the Netflix show

00:05:25.660 because Netflix will always be here,

00:05:27.140 but you have a million stories to tell

00:05:28.720 and time is finite.

00:05:30.400 So I think when we look ahead

00:05:32.000 and we ask what we want that future person to be,

00:05:36.300 when we ask that person,

00:05:38.000 how should I make the decisions today

00:05:40.620 that will lead me to the place I want to be,

00:05:42.620 the 100-year-old version of us

00:05:44.180 always has the better answer.

00:05:46.060 Yeah, this is a lot.

00:05:46.580 You talk about this,

00:05:47.700 asking yourself what your 100-year-old self would do

00:05:50.020 is it allows you to play the long game with your life.

00:05:53.500 Yeah, exactly.

00:05:54.240 It gets you to the place you want to be,

00:05:57.420 which is, you know,

00:05:57.880 I always say I'm chasing a horizon,

00:06:00.180 but we need to ask the person sort of on that horizon,

00:06:03.700 what's the best path

00:06:04.720 or what we envision to be that person sitting on the horizon?

00:06:07.980 Because trapped in the day,

00:06:09.680 there's too many other easy choices to make

00:06:12.360 to sort of placate immediate needs

00:06:14.340 rather than long-term goals.

00:06:15.720 And like you said,

00:06:17.180 this doesn't just help you get going

00:06:19.640 on your professional goals you might have,

00:06:22.380 whether that's to start a business

00:06:23.780 or to write a book,

00:06:25.680 but also it really can help you guide your family life.

00:06:29.640 Like you said,

00:06:30.520 when your 10-year-old asks you to play,

00:06:33.320 you know,

00:06:33.760 your 100-year-old self's like,

00:06:34.780 well,

00:06:35.880 would I have wished to have spent more time

00:06:37.840 working on my podcast or whatever,

00:06:40.000 or would I rather play with my kid?

00:06:42.000 Yeah.

00:06:42.840 In fact,

00:06:43.560 the 100-year-old version of me

00:06:44.680 more often than not tells me

00:06:46.740 to spend time with my wife and children

00:06:49.360 or to say yes to dinner with the buddy,

00:06:52.740 even though I know I have a deadline.

00:06:54.880 That, you know,

00:06:55.240 deadlines will come and go,

00:06:56.480 and somehow we always seem to meet them,

00:06:58.800 even if it means we're,

00:07:00.400 you know,

00:07:00.780 burning the candle at both ends.

00:07:02.400 But if you say no to that one time

00:07:05.040 that your son wants you to play catch in the backyard

00:07:07.140 or your daughter wants you to,

00:07:08.960 you know,

00:07:09.480 go to the ice cream shop,

00:07:11.060 it's just the kind of regret

00:07:12.760 that I know I will have later in life.

00:07:15.300 Okay.

00:07:15.760 So think about what your 100-year-old self would want

00:07:18.140 and ask him that

00:07:19.720 and then let that guide you on your decisions.

00:07:23.500 Another principle you have

00:07:24.700 is you want people

00:07:25.580 to start thinking about their life in minutes.

00:07:30.320 Why do you encourage people

00:07:31.220 to think about their life in terms of minutes?

00:07:32.880 Because I think most people,

00:07:33.560 when they plan their day out,

00:07:34.300 they're thinking in terms of an hour

00:07:36.120 or even days or weeks,

00:07:38.100 but why minutes?

00:07:39.400 I think it's odd but true

00:07:40.720 that so often people think

00:07:42.820 that everything sort of takes 30 minutes

00:07:45.060 or 60 minutes or two hours.

00:07:46.960 And what happens when we think

00:07:48.360 that we can only operate in those increments

00:07:51.100 is we dither away precious minutes

00:07:53.620 throughout our day.

00:07:54.580 You know,

00:07:54.780 we find ourselves with,

00:07:56.120 you know,

00:07:56.700 14 minutes between one thing

00:07:59.180 and another thing.

00:08:00.280 And if we're not thinking in minutes,

00:08:02.140 in other words,

00:08:02.620 if we're not thinking

00:08:03.220 that that 14 minutes can be valuable,

00:08:05.040 what we end up doing

00:08:06.640 is we follow the path of least resistance,

00:08:08.340 which is often

00:08:09.280 there's a phone in our pocket

00:08:10.940 and there's something to stare at

00:08:12.360 that doesn't make us feel good

00:08:13.780 other than possibly giving us

00:08:15.820 an immediate dopamine hit

00:08:17.140 but nothing else

00:08:18.060 and not leading us towards our goals.

00:08:20.500 If we don't think in minutes,

00:08:22.200 we waste those minutes.

00:08:23.280 We throw them away

00:08:24.240 like they're nothing.

00:08:25.200 And again,

00:08:25.800 that 100-year-old version,

00:08:27.520 at the end of your life,

00:08:28.820 14 minutes is an enormous amount of time.

00:08:31.600 What I'm suggesting is

00:08:33.000 take that view

00:08:34.660 of at the end of your life,

00:08:36.320 you know,

00:08:36.560 when you're about to meet your maker,

00:08:37.940 if you can have 14 more minutes

00:08:39.720 with loved ones,

00:08:40.440 you take it every time.

00:08:41.700 So take it now

00:08:42.900 and acknowledge

00:08:43.900 those minutes are precious.

00:08:45.120 I think the people

00:08:45.860 who are most successful in life

00:08:47.540 operate in this way,

00:08:49.780 acknowledging that

00:08:50.500 I can do something

00:08:51.540 with seven minutes

00:08:52.420 rather than doing nothing

00:08:53.800 or even worse,

00:08:54.880 doing something

00:08:55.360 that's not going to make me feel good.

00:08:57.240 Well, I know.

00:08:57.720 I have the tendency to do that.

00:08:59.240 If I have, you know,

00:09:00.260 say I have an appointment

00:09:02.080 in 15 minutes,

00:09:03.240 I think, well,

00:09:03.940 I really can't do anything

00:09:05.280 in this 15 minutes

00:09:06.740 because I got to,

00:09:07.760 somehow I think

00:09:08.840 I have to get ready

00:09:09.560 in that time

00:09:10.740 for that next thing.

00:09:11.600 But, you know,

00:09:12.200 I don't,

00:09:12.680 I'm not doing anything

00:09:13.560 during that time.

00:09:14.740 Right.

00:09:15.380 I encourage people

00:09:16.280 to make lists.

00:09:17.220 You know,

00:09:17.400 I have a list

00:09:18.200 of all the things

00:09:19.360 that I can accomplish

00:09:20.080 in 10 minutes.

00:09:20.800 And once you internalize

00:09:21.960 that list,

00:09:23.140 suddenly,

00:09:24.060 when I'm standing

00:09:24.720 at the door

00:09:25.320 and I'm waiting

00:09:25.920 for my son

00:09:26.660 to find his shoes

00:09:27.540 so we can go

00:09:28.180 and they're always

00:09:28.680 in two separate rooms

00:09:30.120 and he can never find them,

00:09:31.680 rather than taking

00:09:32.540 my phone out

00:09:33.300 and scrolling

00:09:33.820 through Instagram,

00:09:34.940 I have a list

00:09:35.700 of things

00:09:36.120 that I can actually

00:09:36.740 accomplish.

00:09:37.240 As a novelist,

00:09:37.940 I know I can probably

00:09:39.220 write three or four

00:09:39.980 good sentences,

00:09:40.860 which sounds crazy

00:09:41.820 to a lot of writers,

00:09:43.300 but I always remind

00:09:44.180 those writers

00:09:44.700 that there was a time

00:09:46.300 when men were

00:09:47.960 in the trenches

00:09:48.840 of World War I

00:09:50.120 wearing gas masks

00:09:51.660 with artillery

00:09:52.320 exploding over their head

00:09:53.400 and they were literally

00:09:54.140 writing in little notebooks

00:09:55.500 hoping that the things

00:09:56.520 they were writing

00:09:57.140 would someday be seen

00:09:58.220 by other people.

00:09:59.720 And yet,

00:10:00.040 when I tell someone,

00:10:00.920 well, go write

00:10:01.340 four good sentences,

00:10:02.380 they say things to me

00:10:03.340 like, well,

00:10:04.120 I can't really write

00:10:04.940 unless I have

00:10:05.540 a two-hour period

00:10:07.080 and I really like

00:10:07.980 to write with smooth jazz

00:10:09.300 and a latte.

00:10:10.220 I think, well,

00:10:10.740 that's really nice,

00:10:11.640 but that's actually

00:10:12.800 not reality.

00:10:13.600 If you really want

00:10:14.600 to do something,

00:10:15.280 you'll steal every minute

00:10:16.520 you can to do it

00:10:17.460 and that's sort of

00:10:18.120 the idea of thinking

00:10:18.860 in minutes.

00:10:19.720 So what are,

00:10:20.040 like on your list

00:10:20.880 of things you can get

00:10:21.480 done in 10 minutes,

00:10:22.300 what's on your personal list?

00:10:24.380 A lot of the things

00:10:25.360 that I do in those

00:10:26.100 little bits of time

00:10:26.920 actually are the tasks

00:10:28.940 or the necessary chores

00:10:30.280 of life that need

00:10:31.880 to be done

00:10:32.380 so I can do something

00:10:33.180 better later on.

00:10:34.220 So a lot of times

00:10:34.940 what people also think of

00:10:36.160 is they think of tasks

00:10:37.680 in whole parts.

00:10:39.280 So if I can't fold

00:10:41.020 all the laundry,

00:10:42.220 I don't fold the laundry,

00:10:43.440 whereas I say,

00:10:44.760 oh, well,

00:10:45.100 in 10 minutes

00:10:45.620 I can probably get

00:10:46.340 half of my son's

00:10:47.600 laundry folded,

00:10:48.360 which means I only have

00:10:49.740 to do the other half

00:10:50.580 later on.

00:10:51.360 But oddly enough,

00:10:52.180 people won't do a thing

00:10:53.340 unless they can do

00:10:54.400 the whole thing.

00:10:55.160 You know,

00:10:55.340 my wife has this

00:10:56.760 beautiful walk-in closet

00:10:57.900 and it sort of became

00:10:58.640 a disaster a few years ago.

00:11:00.660 And she said,

00:11:01.380 I'm going to have to

00:11:01.800 commit a whole Saturday

00:11:02.760 to cleaning out

00:11:03.420 this closet.

00:11:04.000 And I said,

00:11:04.340 well, actually,

00:11:05.380 if you just deal

00:11:06.360 with one item

00:11:07.280 every single time

00:11:08.060 you walk in,

00:11:09.100 you'll probably have it

00:11:09.860 done in a month.

00:11:10.800 But for her,

00:11:12.180 that just was ridiculous.

00:11:13.200 Like the idea

00:11:14.000 that she will take

00:11:15.340 those extra minutes

00:11:16.600 and pick up

00:11:17.280 a little bit of it

00:11:18.400 was nonsense.

00:11:19.600 She needed a whole day.

00:11:20.740 And I say,

00:11:21.600 you gave a whole day

00:11:23.140 over to your closet

00:11:23.880 where I will give

00:11:24.720 two minutes here

00:11:25.820 and seven minutes here

00:11:26.820 and three minutes here.

00:11:27.800 So my list is

00:11:29.080 a variety of chores

00:11:30.600 and honestly,

00:11:31.480 a lot of writing

00:11:32.300 or reading

00:11:33.000 of what I've written.

00:11:33.960 I have a book

00:11:34.720 by the door,

00:11:35.760 so I'm waiting for Charlie.

00:11:36.840 I just picked that book up.

00:11:37.880 It's one of those books

00:11:38.500 you can dive in

00:11:39.320 and out of very easily.

00:11:40.680 That avoids me

00:11:41.860 grabbing the phone

00:11:42.740 and staring at something

00:11:43.660 I don't need to be staring at.

00:11:44.940 I can at least be doing

00:11:45.800 something a little more

00:11:46.920 meaningful with my time.

00:11:47.940 Yeah, I've noticed that too

00:11:50.160 with the cleaning.

00:11:51.260 So, you know,

00:11:51.620 Saturday is our cleaning day

00:11:53.120 in our family

00:11:54.360 and I usually just wait

00:11:56.140 to do all my stuff

00:11:57.460 on that day

00:11:57.800 and it ends up

00:11:58.240 taking forever

00:11:58.840 and every time I do,

00:11:59.860 I'm like,

00:12:00.040 I should be doing this stuff

00:12:00.800 throughout the week.

00:12:01.900 I haven't actually

00:12:03.240 taken action on that.

00:12:05.280 I'm a glutton for punishment.

00:12:07.060 And this idea of,

00:12:08.100 you know,

00:12:08.320 using the spare minutes

00:12:09.120 for reading,

00:12:09.820 that's the one thing

00:12:11.120 I love about my smartphone

00:12:12.020 is I got the Kindle app

00:12:13.140 on there.

00:12:13.960 So if I'm standing in line,

00:12:15.420 I'll just open it up

00:12:16.320 and read a book

00:12:18.100 that I'm prepping for

00:12:19.040 for a podcast.

00:12:20.540 Yeah, that's great.

00:12:21.420 Yeah, that's the perfect use.

00:12:22.740 I think you're the exception

00:12:23.880 though to the rule.

00:12:24.760 I think most people think,

00:12:26.660 well, I can't read a book

00:12:28.100 in the checkout line,

00:12:29.480 but I can stare at Twitter

00:12:31.040 and probably not feel better

00:12:32.540 about the world as a result.

00:12:34.320 Well, this other idea

00:12:35.260 of thinking in your life

00:12:36.400 in minutes,

00:12:37.600 you argue that it makes time

00:12:40.200 probably one of the most

00:12:41.900 important factors

00:12:43.000 in every decision you make.

00:12:45.140 How has that changed

00:12:47.120 the way you make decisions

00:12:48.540 when you think about

00:12:49.700 your life in minutes?

00:12:51.260 I think that sort of

00:12:52.780 the one equalizer

00:12:53.780 we have with everyone

00:12:54.760 on the planet is time.

00:12:56.540 You know,

00:12:56.720 I have exactly the same

00:12:57.840 number of minutes today

00:12:59.040 as Elon Musk has.

00:13:01.480 And so, you know,

00:13:02.780 it might seem like people

00:13:04.200 sort of on the top

00:13:04.960 of the mountain

00:13:05.440 have reached a spot

00:13:06.880 that is unattainable

00:13:08.040 and unimaginable.

00:13:09.080 But if I remind myself

00:13:10.180 that we have the same

00:13:11.180 number of minutes,

00:13:11.880 now he admittedly

00:13:12.860 probably has people

00:13:13.620 doing things

00:13:14.160 that I can't pay people

00:13:15.220 to do at this point.

00:13:16.480 But if I can be strategic

00:13:17.920 and calculating

00:13:18.780 in the way I spend my time,

00:13:20.680 I can make up

00:13:21.420 a lot of ground,

00:13:22.200 I really believe,

00:13:23.900 in terms of getting things done.

00:13:26.640 So it's a combination

00:13:27.700 of thinking in minutes

00:13:29.560 in order to fill those,

00:13:31.060 what my wife calls

00:13:31.760 little black holes.

00:13:32.640 She says,

00:13:33.060 I'm so good at filling

00:13:34.020 the little black holes

00:13:34.940 with something productive.

00:13:36.640 When I do those things,

00:13:38.400 the other side of that

00:13:39.820 is to make sure

00:13:40.780 that the time

00:13:41.500 that we're recapturing

00:13:42.580 or the time

00:13:43.080 that we're saving

00:13:43.740 is then being transferred

00:13:45.500 into something

00:13:46.300 we really want to do,

00:13:47.700 making those positive decisions.

00:13:50.560 I think the tragedy

00:13:51.640 of the world

00:13:52.320 is that most people

00:13:53.300 live lives following

00:13:54.800 the path of least resistance.

00:13:56.320 They're like water

00:13:56.880 down a mountain.

00:13:57.820 They just,

00:13:58.740 their decisions

00:13:59.420 are dictated

00:14:00.060 by other people

00:14:01.120 and the forces

00:14:02.180 of the world.

00:14:02.960 And I think that

00:14:03.520 when people chase

00:14:04.260 their dreams,

00:14:04.940 they have to make

00:14:05.560 hard decisions

00:14:06.340 and most people

00:14:07.220 are unwilling

00:14:08.500 to make hard decisions.

00:14:10.120 Instead,

00:14:10.620 they make no decision.

00:14:12.300 And so I think

00:14:12.720 that's what people

00:14:13.200 do with their minutes.

00:14:14.120 I think that's

00:14:14.680 how they basically

00:14:15.900 live their lives

00:14:16.560 is they don't make

00:14:17.620 active, productive

00:14:18.820 decisions

00:14:19.920 about their time.

00:14:21.820 I just had a friend

00:14:22.820 who changed his job

00:14:23.880 and I said to him,

00:14:25.280 the first question I said

00:14:26.120 is,

00:14:26.380 what's your commute?

00:14:27.700 And he said,

00:14:28.280 I don't know.

00:14:29.200 And I thought,

00:14:29.720 you took a job

00:14:30.640 and you don't know

00:14:31.620 how long it's going

00:14:32.200 to take you

00:14:32.700 to get to the job?

00:14:33.560 Because that's

00:14:33.900 an enormous part

00:14:34.800 of the job

00:14:35.340 for some people.

00:14:36.280 Whether you're commuting

00:14:37.080 an hour or five minutes

00:14:38.740 can transform

00:14:39.660 your entire life

00:14:40.580 and he hadn't even

00:14:41.500 calculated the commute.

00:14:43.020 He didn't make

00:14:43.720 the decision

00:14:44.340 about how long,

00:14:46.460 you know,

00:14:46.640 he didn't make

00:14:46.960 the decision

00:14:47.300 to find out

00:14:47.960 how long it's going

00:14:48.560 to take him

00:14:48.860 to get to that job

00:14:49.780 and I just thought

00:14:50.320 that's insanity.

00:14:51.520 That's not thinking

00:14:52.240 in minutes.

00:14:53.200 Well,

00:14:53.500 you talk about

00:14:54.160 one of the things

00:14:54.620 you do to maximize

00:14:55.240 your minutes

00:14:56.220 is to minimize

00:14:57.320 the time it takes

00:14:58.080 to get places

00:14:58.660 and something you've done,

00:14:59.620 you and your family

00:15:00.180 have done,

00:15:00.680 your wife,

00:15:01.700 is you live in a place

00:15:03.340 where your life

00:15:04.460 was like five minutes

00:15:05.360 from the school

00:15:06.180 you work at.

00:15:07.080 Yeah,

00:15:07.540 five minutes.

00:15:08.440 Right.

00:15:09.060 And you consciously

00:15:10.000 did that

00:15:10.340 and you could have

00:15:10.800 probably lived

00:15:11.500 in a bigger house

00:15:12.600 or something like that

00:15:13.340 with more land

00:15:14.140 if you moved out

00:15:15.060 an hour out of town

00:15:16.380 but again,

00:15:18.180 because you're a writer,

00:15:19.440 because you're a storyteller,

00:15:20.520 that's a priority for you

00:15:21.420 plus you want to spend

00:15:22.100 time with your family,

00:15:23.580 like that hour

00:15:24.060 is not worth it.

00:15:25.080 You'd rather spend,

00:15:26.120 you know,

00:15:26.420 maybe in a smaller place

00:15:27.640 with less of a backyard

00:15:29.180 because it allows you

00:15:30.760 to get to your workplace

00:15:32.400 in five minutes.

00:15:33.740 Yeah,

00:15:33.900 100%.

00:15:34.500 In fact,

00:15:35.040 we decided

00:15:35.800 between the house

00:15:36.560 we live in now

00:15:37.480 and a house

00:15:38.280 that was 15 minutes

00:15:39.380 away from the school

00:15:40.040 where at the time

00:15:40.660 we were both teaching

00:15:41.460 and the house

00:15:43.020 that was 15 minutes away

00:15:44.440 had the guest room

00:15:45.380 that we really wanted

00:15:46.400 and a couple other things

00:15:47.840 that had central air

00:15:48.740 and ultimately I said

00:15:50.780 let's take the house

00:15:51.920 without the guest room

00:15:52.960 we'll put people

00:15:53.480 on the couch

00:15:53.940 if they want to stay

00:15:54.800 and eventually

00:15:55.920 we'll have some central air

00:15:57.220 put in or something

00:15:58.100 to cool the house

00:15:59.540 because I knew

00:16:00.840 that even though

00:16:01.580 it was 10 minutes

00:16:02.640 an additional 10 minutes

00:16:04.620 to get there

00:16:05.100 means 20 minutes

00:16:06.060 over the course of a day

00:16:07.220 and you don't have

00:16:08.220 to multiply very long

00:16:09.340 to realize

00:16:09.840 I've been doing

00:16:10.520 the same job

00:16:11.220 for 24 years

00:16:12.300 and I turned

00:16:13.460 that 15 minute commute

00:16:16.160 into a 5 minute commute

00:16:17.620 and it has gained me

00:16:18.880 enormous amounts of time

00:16:20.700 over the course

00:16:21.380 of those years

00:16:21.980 so I'll make choices

00:16:23.840 based upon small amounts

00:16:25.160 of time like that

00:16:25.880 understanding that time

00:16:26.920 multiplies really quickly

00:16:28.120 I mean one thing

00:16:29.500 that I've done

00:16:29.880 because I work from home

00:16:30.740 so that wasn't

00:16:31.980 an issue for me

00:16:32.660 but the thing

00:16:33.340 that I saw

00:16:34.040 a lot of time saving

00:16:35.060 is building a home gym

00:16:37.420 because you know

00:16:38.380 before going to the gym

00:16:39.360 it would be like

00:16:39.780 I had to drive 15 minutes

00:16:40.920 to get there

00:16:41.580 then you work out

00:16:42.780 and it's like another

00:16:43.240 it's like a half hour

00:16:44.540 sometimes it could be

00:16:45.260 even 45 minutes round trip

00:16:46.780 now I just like

00:16:47.820 I just walk down

00:16:48.300 to my garage

00:16:48.780 get my workout done

00:16:49.540 and then I'm done

00:16:50.180 plus I don't have

00:16:50.680 to worry about

00:16:51.120 getting ready

00:16:51.680 because like

00:16:52.040 I don't care

00:16:52.440 how I look at all

00:16:53.440 that was a time saver

00:16:54.640 and look

00:16:55.260 you don't have to

00:16:55.600 build a giant

00:16:56.100 huge garage gym

00:16:57.020 but you find out

00:16:58.060 a way

00:16:58.300 if exercise

00:16:58.980 is an important

00:16:59.440 thing for you

00:17:00.100 find a way

00:17:01.000 you can spend

00:17:01.460 less time

00:17:01.960 driving to the gym

00:17:02.760 it could mean

00:17:03.180 getting a kettlebell

00:17:04.160 or doing a body weight

00:17:05.200 session

00:17:05.720 instead of

00:17:06.360 having to go

00:17:06.900 to a big fancy gym

00:17:07.800 yeah I agree

00:17:09.220 you know

00:17:09.900 before the pandemic

00:17:10.900 the gym that I chose

00:17:12.400 was the gym

00:17:13.220 that was closest

00:17:13.760 to my house

00:17:14.260 that was the easiest

00:17:15.120 decisions

00:17:15.580 people said

00:17:16.180 there's a much nicer one

00:17:17.480 you know

00:17:17.760 in the next town

00:17:19.000 but I thought

00:17:19.440 why would I ever do that

00:17:20.440 I want the one

00:17:21.360 closest to my house

00:17:22.280 then the pandemic hit

00:17:23.280 and I couldn't go

00:17:23.900 to the gym

00:17:24.400 and I quickly

00:17:25.540 transformed my

00:17:26.620 gym workout

00:17:27.340 to I ride a bike

00:17:29.160 that I take out

00:17:30.280 of the garage

00:17:30.720 and you know

00:17:31.360 I've learned

00:17:32.160 every single street

00:17:33.080 in my town now

00:17:33.920 and I love

00:17:34.440 riding the bike

00:17:35.180 and I've discovered

00:17:36.180 that I can just

00:17:37.100 do sit-ups

00:17:37.860 and planks

00:17:38.720 and push-ups

00:17:39.500 I don't even need

00:17:40.360 weights

00:17:41.160 I can go into

00:17:41.980 my living room

00:17:42.700 and while my son

00:17:43.460 is sitting there

00:17:44.280 you know

00:17:45.000 doing whatever

00:17:45.560 he's doing

00:17:46.080 I can actually

00:17:46.660 be with my son

00:17:47.940 and exercise

00:17:49.080 at the same time

00:17:50.220 so I am in full agreement

00:17:51.800 that the pandemic

00:17:52.600 awakened me

00:17:53.320 to the fact

00:17:53.780 that I don't even

00:17:54.460 need to do

00:17:54.980 the five minutes

00:17:55.660 to the gym

00:17:56.220 because you're right

00:17:56.680 you get to the gym

00:17:57.480 you're looking

00:17:58.640 for a machine

00:17:59.380 it's all that time

00:18:01.140 that we waste

00:18:02.000 that we could just

00:18:02.720 be doing in our home

00:18:03.600 well another idea

00:18:04.840 about thinking in minutes

00:18:05.780 is you encourage people

00:18:07.060 to spend less time

00:18:08.620 on routine tasks

00:18:10.480 and fruitless pastimes

00:18:11.920 whether your goal

00:18:13.800 is to write a book

00:18:14.460 or start a business

00:18:15.420 or if you just want

00:18:15.980 to spend more time

00:18:16.480 with your family

00:18:17.000 how can spending

00:18:18.100 less time

00:18:18.960 on these routine

00:18:19.740 activities

00:18:20.280 give us more time

00:18:21.920 for the stuff

00:18:22.440 that's important

00:18:22.960 yeah well

00:18:23.980 we can either

00:18:24.640 we can look at

00:18:25.540 these routine activities

00:18:26.520 we have in lots of ways

00:18:27.540 you know

00:18:27.780 so one of them was

00:18:28.880 you know

00:18:29.580 I swore I would never

00:18:30.600 have someone

00:18:31.120 mow my lawn

00:18:31.900 for example

00:18:32.560 because I just thought

00:18:33.440 it was foolish

00:18:34.040 to not do it yourself

00:18:35.020 and then one day

00:18:35.700 my wife did the

00:18:36.560 did the financial calculation

00:18:38.180 she said

00:18:38.700 you could write

00:18:39.260 for an hour

00:18:39.760 or you could

00:18:40.500 mow for an hour

00:18:41.900 which one actually

00:18:42.600 makes more money

00:18:43.240 for you

00:18:43.580 and I quickly realized

00:18:44.620 I should just be

00:18:45.300 inside writing

00:18:46.020 while someone's

00:18:46.500 mowing my lawn

00:18:47.140 it's more profitable

00:18:48.040 that way

00:18:48.680 I also think

00:18:49.860 that people get

00:18:50.560 trapped in a lot

00:18:51.840 of tasks

00:18:53.140 and a lot of chores

00:18:54.300 and routines

00:18:55.380 that aren't actually

00:18:56.560 required of them

00:18:57.480 and you know

00:18:59.020 they tend to build up

00:19:00.100 and pretty soon

00:19:00.620 you have a life

00:19:01.280 full of chores

00:19:01.960 rather than a life

00:19:02.740 full of fun

00:19:03.740 you know

00:19:04.300 I have a friend

00:19:05.040 I was just on

00:19:06.120 the golf course

00:19:06.680 with him the other day

00:19:07.300 and we were talking

00:19:07.800 about this book

00:19:08.380 his wife goes

00:19:09.740 to seven grocery stores

00:19:11.420 over the course

00:19:12.460 of the week

00:19:12.920 because she's identified

00:19:13.980 the right grocery store

00:19:15.080 that has the best meat

00:19:16.160 and the best fish

00:19:17.360 and the best produce

00:19:18.360 and she goes

00:19:18.880 to a farmer's market

00:19:19.880 and he read my book

00:19:21.680 and he realized

00:19:22.580 that the amount

00:19:23.820 of time

00:19:24.360 that she is spending

00:19:25.440 on maximizing

00:19:26.780 the quality

00:19:27.580 of the food

00:19:28.700 in his home

00:19:30.060 is outrageous

00:19:30.800 that like

00:19:31.320 if you can get

00:19:32.640 fish

00:19:33.460 that is

00:19:34.040 89%

00:19:35.460 as good

00:19:36.140 as the fish

00:19:36.760 at the best fish place

00:19:37.880 but you save yourself

00:19:38.840 20 minutes

00:19:39.500 every week

00:19:40.020 again it doesn't

00:19:41.060 take long

00:19:41.500 for those minutes

00:19:42.220 to start to add up

00:19:43.540 so I think people

00:19:45.160 have to take

00:19:45.720 a serious inventory

00:19:47.260 of the things

00:19:48.300 that they're doing

00:19:48.880 in their lives

00:19:49.560 and then determine

00:19:50.860 are you getting

00:19:51.640 a decent return

00:19:52.700 on investment

00:19:53.500 I don't think

00:19:54.360 anyone's getting

00:19:55.060 a good return

00:19:55.660 on investment

00:19:56.200 by going to

00:19:56.800 seven different places

00:19:57.940 to buy food

00:19:58.660 over the course

00:19:59.280 of the week

00:19:59.700 I have one place

00:20:00.720 I know the store

00:20:02.260 perfectly

00:20:02.840 and I move

00:20:03.900 through it quickly

00:20:04.420 I was actually

00:20:04.880 I was there

00:20:05.540 the other day

00:20:06.160 and I watched

00:20:07.000 someone going

00:20:07.460 through the parking

00:20:08.060 lot and I walked

00:20:08.680 right past them

00:20:09.440 and I'm always amazed

00:20:10.560 how people stroll

00:20:11.600 through a parking

00:20:12.300 lot as if this

00:20:13.140 is a place

00:20:13.680 to be

00:20:14.180 you know

00:20:14.680 I always think

00:20:15.340 I'm in a parking

00:20:16.040 lot

00:20:16.300 I need to get

00:20:16.960 out of the parking

00:20:17.780 lot as quickly

00:20:18.440 as possible

00:20:18.940 because this is

00:20:19.540 the last place

00:20:20.280 I want to be

00:20:20.880 so that idea

00:20:21.920 that turn

00:20:23.280 those routines

00:20:24.240 and those chores

00:20:25.340 and those tasks

00:20:26.180 into either

00:20:27.060 something you can

00:20:28.380 do a little quicker

00:20:29.100 or eliminate

00:20:30.180 completely

00:20:30.920 suddenly you'll

00:20:31.880 just have more

00:20:32.620 time to do

00:20:33.180 the things you

00:20:33.640 want to do

00:20:34.100 yeah

00:20:34.960 I spend as little

00:20:35.840 time as possible

00:20:36.620 on eating

00:20:37.880 and you do too

00:20:38.960 like you talk

00:20:39.340 about you

00:20:39.640 for lunch

00:20:40.160 you eat oatmeal

00:20:40.660 every day

00:20:41.120 which takes

00:20:41.620 two minutes

00:20:42.400 and I have

00:20:43.040 you know

00:20:43.260 I eat oatmeal

00:20:43.880 every day too

00:20:44.500 literally takes me

00:20:45.560 I think it takes

00:20:46.000 me less time

00:20:46.380 I do a minute

00:20:46.980 in the microwave

00:20:47.920 and then I'm done

00:20:48.880 eating it in two

00:20:49.700 minutes

00:20:50.000 because you know

00:20:50.500 it's porridge

00:20:51.020 shopping

00:20:52.120 I think a lot

00:20:52.580 of people spend

00:20:53.400 so much time

00:20:53.940 shopping

00:20:54.200 not just for food

00:20:54.820 but for

00:20:55.120 I hate shopping

00:20:56.040 I hate shopping

00:20:57.120 for clothes

00:20:57.520 so I end up

00:20:58.120 like not shopping

00:20:58.800 that much

00:20:59.340 one tip

00:21:00.260 I think this is

00:21:01.080 from your days

00:21:01.640 because you managed

00:21:02.680 McDonald's

00:21:03.480 as a young man

00:21:04.760 so you're

00:21:05.340 really into being

00:21:06.220 efficient and effective

00:21:07.160 but I like this tip

00:21:08.760 in the shower

00:21:10.180 you should floss

00:21:11.880 when did you pick

00:21:12.720 that up

00:21:13.060 I never thought

00:21:14.340 of that

00:21:14.620 because every time

00:21:15.760 I go to the dentist

00:21:16.340 I always get

00:21:17.080 the sort of

00:21:17.760 the tsk tsk

00:21:18.400 from the dental

00:21:19.080 hygienist

00:21:19.560 because my pockets

00:21:21.200 and my gums

00:21:21.940 are bad

00:21:22.300 because I'm not

00:21:22.680 flossing regularly

00:21:23.400 this is genius

00:21:24.600 when did you start

00:21:25.260 this idea of

00:21:25.900 flossing in the shower

00:21:27.000 it was probably

00:21:28.500 like 15 years ago

00:21:29.760 and it was actually

00:21:30.240 through a story

00:21:30.920 I always assumed

00:21:32.000 flossing was to

00:21:32.960 get rid of food

00:21:33.900 between my teeth

00:21:34.840 and I'd always think

00:21:36.040 well there's no food

00:21:36.600 between my teeth

00:21:37.240 why am I flossing

00:21:38.000 this is ridiculous

00:21:38.660 and then one day

00:21:39.960 I happened to have

00:21:40.520 a new hygienist

00:21:41.260 and she was doing

00:21:41.980 what you have

00:21:42.580 all the time

00:21:43.020 whereas they

00:21:43.380 tsk tsk you

00:21:44.200 and I said to her

00:21:45.600 I said I know

00:21:46.120 but is it really helping

00:21:47.200 because it doesn't feel

00:21:48.020 like it's helping

00:21:48.560 and she explained to me

00:21:49.620 that plaque

00:21:50.840 is a microscopic

00:21:51.700 organism

00:21:52.560 that's attempting

00:21:53.420 to assemble

00:21:54.320 in between your teeth

00:21:55.940 and every time you floss

00:21:56.840 you don't get rid

00:21:57.400 of the flack

00:21:57.900 but you disassemble it

00:21:59.380 you like cause it

00:22:00.460 to be disorganized

00:22:01.360 for another day

00:22:01.940 so it can't reassemble

00:22:03.280 and attack

00:22:03.960 and I thought to myself

00:22:05.620 that's the perfect

00:22:06.620 explanation as to

00:22:07.620 why I should floss

00:22:08.260 now I understand it

00:22:09.220 because now I know

00:22:10.260 why I don't see anything

00:22:12.240 between my teeth

00:22:13.620 and yet I need to do it

00:22:14.840 and so I told her

00:22:15.860 I said well I'm going

00:22:16.460 to floss every day

00:22:17.440 and she goes

00:22:17.920 I really doubt

00:22:18.620 you're going to floss

00:22:19.180 every day

00:22:19.760 and I said to her

00:22:21.080 I'm going to attach

00:22:22.160 flossing

00:22:22.720 to something else

00:22:24.160 I do every day

00:22:25.200 that's a way

00:22:26.320 I sort of make sure

00:22:27.200 that things happen

00:22:27.900 in my life

00:22:28.380 as I attach

00:22:29.240 one thing to another

00:22:30.120 and by the time

00:22:31.680 I had left

00:22:32.040 the dentist office

00:22:32.740 I said to myself

00:22:33.600 well the one thing

00:22:34.380 I do every day

00:22:35.460 in the bathroom

00:22:36.720 is shower

00:22:37.500 so if I'm showering

00:22:39.060 and I put the floss there

00:22:40.200 and I can learn

00:22:41.120 to floss really quickly

00:22:42.060 which I now can

00:22:42.940 I'll never miss flossing

00:22:45.000 as long as I don't

00:22:45.820 miss showering

00:22:46.580 and suddenly

00:22:47.120 those two things

00:22:48.300 stacked on top

00:22:49.040 of each other

00:22:49.460 became one thing

00:22:50.320 and you know

00:22:51.500 I have the best

00:22:53.080 dentist appointments

00:22:53.780 my dentists love me

00:22:54.720 they're like

00:22:55.040 you actually floss

00:22:56.400 and I said

00:22:56.860 yes I do

00:22:57.340 I put it in the shower

00:22:58.220 okay

00:23:00.220 so I think

00:23:00.860 the big takeaway there

00:23:01.560 start thinking

00:23:02.000 of your life in minutes

00:23:02.860 think that you can

00:23:03.700 there's stuff

00:23:04.140 you can get done

00:23:04.840 even in five minute

00:23:05.760 ten minute increments

00:23:06.740 it all adds up

00:23:07.740 and a lot of stuff

00:23:09.120 you can do

00:23:09.560 just sort of

00:23:09.980 daily routine stuff

00:23:11.160 you have to do

00:23:11.640 to maintain life

00:23:12.520 so that

00:23:13.500 you can have more time

00:23:15.160 to devote

00:23:15.600 to the things

00:23:16.180 that are really

00:23:16.580 important to you

00:23:17.140 whether that's

00:23:17.720 family

00:23:18.440 a hobby

00:23:19.120 spending time with friends

00:23:20.200 or working on

00:23:21.060 that new project

00:23:21.920 you want to

00:23:22.540 take part in

00:23:23.480 a metaphor

00:23:24.440 that you use

00:23:24.800 throughout the book

00:23:25.280 to help people

00:23:25.960 prioritize things

00:23:27.440 so they get

00:23:28.420 the really important

00:23:29.600 things done

00:23:30.160 is this idea

00:23:31.180 of the eagle

00:23:31.800 and the mouse

00:23:32.660 what is this metaphor

00:23:34.100 and how can that

00:23:34.860 help you figure out

00:23:35.580 how to spend your time

00:23:36.420 sure

00:23:37.360 so well

00:23:37.900 the Native American

00:23:38.780 spirit wheel

00:23:39.600 has sort of

00:23:40.100 four animals on it

00:23:41.180 there's other ones

00:23:42.480 but the one

00:23:42.880 I'm talking about now

00:23:43.780 and two of the animals

00:23:45.060 on it

00:23:45.380 are the eagle

00:23:45.840 and the mouse

00:23:46.260 and each animal

00:23:46.820 sort of embodies

00:23:47.840 a certain quality

00:23:48.800 in life

00:23:49.280 we determined

00:23:50.740 or actually

00:23:51.180 my wife determined

00:23:51.980 that she is a mouse

00:23:53.160 and I am an eagle

00:23:53.860 meaning

00:23:54.260 she spends

00:23:55.620 enormous amounts

00:23:56.380 of time

00:23:56.840 on very small details

00:23:58.200 she painstakingly

00:24:00.700 examines

00:24:02.120 and focuses on

00:24:03.060 and worries

00:24:03.660 about the details

00:24:04.440 of little things

00:24:05.340 and although

00:24:06.920 I also do that

00:24:08.080 because you can't

00:24:09.080 be sort of a novelist

00:24:10.160 without worrying

00:24:10.780 about the details

00:24:11.480 without the construction

00:24:12.720 of sentences

00:24:13.400 in a very particular way

00:24:14.700 I also really embody

00:24:16.600 the spirit of the eagle

00:24:18.000 which is the idea

00:24:18.920 that you fly above

00:24:20.320 the world

00:24:21.120 and you look down

00:24:22.680 and you understand

00:24:23.600 what is important

00:24:24.780 and what isn't important

00:24:25.980 it came to fruition

00:24:27.440 one day

00:24:27.960 when my wife

00:24:29.100 was complaining

00:24:29.660 to our principal

00:24:30.440 that I did my report cards

00:24:32.260 in an hour

00:24:32.820 and it took her

00:24:33.560 eight hours

00:24:34.080 and she said

00:24:34.580 she wanted to kill me

00:24:35.440 she actually told my principal

00:24:36.420 I don't know how I can live

00:24:37.220 with a man like this

00:24:38.060 and what he explained

00:24:39.700 to her was

00:24:40.380 Matt understands

00:24:41.760 what's important

00:24:42.300 about report cards

00:24:43.100 which is essentially

00:24:43.940 parents want to know

00:24:45.340 you love the kid

00:24:46.220 you see the kid

00:24:47.320 and you're going to

00:24:47.820 challenge the kid

00:24:48.580 and everything else

00:24:49.480 is kind of secondary

00:24:50.400 whereas my wife

00:24:51.340 would sit there

00:24:52.180 and calculate grades

00:24:53.440 and carefully construct

00:24:55.300 a paragraph

00:24:55.880 and try to find

00:24:56.800 the perfect anecdote

00:24:57.820 and I just understood

00:24:59.080 what parents really needed

00:25:00.180 and that's all

00:25:00.900 I offered them

00:25:01.740 and so I think

00:25:03.020 the trap

00:25:03.520 for creative people

00:25:04.560 especially is

00:25:05.400 a creative person

00:25:06.720 absolutely has to

00:25:07.800 pay attention to details

00:25:08.740 whether you're

00:25:09.280 whether you're gardening

00:25:10.780 or you're making

00:25:11.940 stained glass windows

00:25:12.900 or writing a book

00:25:13.660 details actually matter

00:25:15.120 as they do for my wife

00:25:16.460 but if those creative people

00:25:18.120 sort of can't get above

00:25:19.120 the fray every now and again

00:25:20.520 and stop like being

00:25:21.440 in the weeds

00:25:21.980 like the mouse

00:25:22.580 like my wife

00:25:23.220 then they end up

00:25:24.460 engaging in things

00:25:25.580 that aren't necessary

00:25:26.860 waste time

00:25:28.220 and are utterly fruitless

00:25:29.760 you know

00:25:30.060 projects that people

00:25:31.220 think are important

00:25:32.100 that yield no results

00:25:33.880 so you've got to

00:25:35.000 sort of get above

00:25:35.900 your life

00:25:36.520 and again

00:25:37.480 take that

00:25:38.180 cost benefit analysis

00:25:39.780 is the thing I'm doing

00:25:41.260 yielding results for me

00:25:43.040 or am I just

00:25:44.020 in the weeds

00:25:44.720 worrying about details

00:25:45.640 that are utterly irrelevant

00:25:46.860 well yeah

00:25:48.560 one thing you

00:25:49.640 encourage people to do

00:25:50.460 to be more eagle-like

00:25:51.520 is to practice

00:25:53.100 intentional incuriosity

00:25:55.260 or deliberate incuriosity

00:25:57.680 what does that look like

00:25:58.640 so

00:25:59.180 it's

00:26:00.040 it's the idea

00:26:01.060 that we worry about things

00:26:02.380 or we

00:26:02.840 we get interested

00:26:04.200 about things

00:26:04.920 that don't matter to us

00:26:06.040 I know for example

00:26:07.260 that Johnny Depp

00:26:09.320 was recently involved

00:26:11.040 in a court case

00:26:12.000 with either his

00:26:12.920 girlfriend

00:26:13.460 or his ex-wife

00:26:14.960 and

00:26:16.220 I was

00:26:17.660 aggressively

00:26:18.420 deliberately

00:26:19.220 incurious

00:26:20.120 about that situation

00:26:21.040 I heard my friends

00:26:21.920 talking about it

00:26:22.620 all the time

00:26:23.120 I heard

00:26:23.500 people everywhere

00:26:25.200 were sort of obsessed

00:26:26.140 with whatever was going on

00:26:27.680 in their life

00:26:28.360 at the time

00:26:28.900 I acknowledged

00:26:30.400 or I was aware

00:26:31.220 that involving myself

00:26:32.680 in this situation

00:26:33.580 and becoming

00:26:34.520 knowledgeable about it

00:26:36.240 would not help me

00:26:37.240 in any way

00:26:37.720 and frankly

00:26:38.180 I don't need to be involved

00:26:39.260 in someone else's

00:26:40.140 I assume love life

00:26:41.200 for fracturing love life

00:26:42.780 it's not going to lead me anywhere

00:26:44.820 and

00:26:45.600 and that

00:26:46.320 in curiosity

00:26:47.100 came to sort of like

00:26:48.340 ahead

00:26:49.020 at a birthday party

00:26:50.440 I was at

00:26:50.900 for my mother-in-law

00:26:51.760 one half of the room

00:26:53.360 were all talking about

00:26:54.440 Johnny Depp

00:26:55.160 and his ex-girlfriend

00:26:56.620 or his ex-wife

00:26:57.300 and I was on the other side

00:26:58.840 of the room

00:26:59.120 with my nephew

00:26:59.760 and my son

00:27:00.660 and we were wrestling

00:27:01.420 on the couch

00:27:02.080 and I remember hearing them

00:27:03.740 talk about the Johnny Depp thing

00:27:05.320 and I remember thinking

00:27:06.200 I'm so glad

00:27:07.520 I have chosen

00:27:08.460 not to be interested

00:27:09.940 in that

00:27:11.400 and instead be interested

00:27:12.940 in this instead

00:27:13.980 so

00:27:14.320 there's nothing wrong

00:27:15.460 with curiosity

00:27:16.120 it's a wonderful thing

00:27:17.380 when you're curious

00:27:18.160 about things

00:27:18.880 that are meaningful

00:27:19.540 and will

00:27:20.140 will produce results

00:27:22.080 and make you happy

00:27:23.080 I think that's fantastic

00:27:24.280 but I think what happens

00:27:25.360 to people

00:27:25.740 is they just

00:27:26.340 they get

00:27:27.740 they get interested

00:27:29.320 in things

00:27:29.960 that are not helpful

00:27:31.440 and utterly forgettable

00:27:32.880 and whatever happened

00:27:33.700 to Johnny Depp

00:27:34.380 and his girlfriend

00:27:35.060 five years from now

00:27:36.460 no one's going to remember it

00:27:37.700 and I never had to remember it

00:27:38.900 to begin with

00:27:39.580 we're going to take a quick break

00:27:40.620 for your words

00:27:41.060 from our sponsors

00:27:41.660 and now back to the show

00:27:44.160 well really this idea

00:27:45.360 of becoming more eagle-like

00:27:46.580 you encourage people

00:27:47.860 to you know

00:27:49.380 kind of become a criminal

00:27:50.900 and break rules

00:27:52.800 or norms

00:27:53.540 and you have this one

00:27:54.700 I think really useful

00:27:55.900 principle

00:27:56.960 for the person

00:27:58.380 who wants to be more

00:27:59.100 like a criminal eagle

00:28:00.220 and that is like

00:28:01.220 don't do something

00:28:02.460 and see what happens

00:28:03.700 yes

00:28:04.480 it's the

00:28:04.920 I'm not going to do it

00:28:06.160 and we'll see

00:28:07.200 what happens

00:28:07.880 policy

00:28:08.420 so you know

00:28:09.720 I do it at work

00:28:10.360 all the time

00:28:10.940 you know

00:28:11.200 they'll hand us

00:28:12.000 a new spreadsheet

00:28:12.820 and they'll say

00:28:13.500 we want you to enter

00:28:14.360 all of your testing data

00:28:15.560 into the spreadsheet

00:28:16.480 and I know in my heart

00:28:18.940 that half of the spreadsheets

00:28:20.340 I have entered data in

00:28:21.440 are never looked at

00:28:22.320 by anyone whatsoever

00:28:23.320 it's just essentially

00:28:24.160 checking a box off

00:28:25.380 and so I always volunteer

00:28:27.240 for my colleagues

00:28:28.020 to be the person

00:28:28.720 who's not going to do it

00:28:29.740 and let's see what happens

00:28:30.860 if ultimately

00:28:32.120 it does need to be done

00:28:34.180 someone's going to come to me

00:28:36.120 and say

00:28:36.540 Matt you didn't do the thing

00:28:37.880 you were supposed to do

00:28:38.740 and I'm going to say

00:28:39.940 oh I'm sorry

00:28:40.800 and then I'll do it

00:28:42.220 but I cannot tell you

00:28:43.720 how many times

00:28:44.500 I don't do something

00:28:46.400 and nobody cares

00:28:47.880 that I haven't done it

00:28:48.760 you can just do it

00:28:49.720 start doing it small

00:28:50.780 if you're sort of like

00:28:51.560 a lot of people are afraid

00:28:52.500 to break rules

00:28:53.180 they're really

00:28:53.720 aggressive rule followers

00:28:55.520 my kids are

00:28:56.220 it makes me crazy

00:28:57.080 one of the things

00:28:58.000 you can start doing

00:28:58.720 is if you go to

00:28:59.640 the doctor's office

00:29:00.500 and they give you

00:29:01.240 like four forms

00:29:02.240 to fill out

00:29:02.900 you know

00:29:03.580 with all of those questions

00:29:04.800 don't fill in your birthday

00:29:06.800 for example

00:29:07.420 on every form

00:29:08.360 and see what happens

00:29:09.300 or don't fill in

00:29:10.200 your address

00:29:10.840 on every form

00:29:11.520 and see what happens

00:29:12.320 pretty soon you'll realize

00:29:13.640 that forms are filled

00:29:14.660 with questions

00:29:15.300 that nobody cares about

00:29:16.840 that some form maker

00:29:18.160 added to the form

00:29:19.300 but nobody actually needed

00:29:21.220 and allow that

00:29:22.460 to be sort of

00:29:23.140 the small example

00:29:24.380 of what the actual

00:29:25.520 whole world is

00:29:26.960 which is

00:29:27.820 there's confines

00:29:29.540 that you are trapped in

00:29:30.620 that you no longer

00:29:31.440 need to be trapped in

00:29:32.460 and oftentimes

00:29:33.520 breaking a rule

00:29:34.840 if it's actually a problem

00:29:36.580 only results in you saying

00:29:37.980 I'm sorry

00:29:38.920 I won't do that again

00:29:39.860 and you move on

00:29:40.620 with the rest of your life

00:29:41.520 yeah I've got a friend

00:29:43.200 who runs a business

00:29:44.620 and every now and then

00:29:45.460 he'll do this thing

00:29:46.240 where he just

00:29:46.860 for two weeks

00:29:48.080 he doesn't do anything

00:29:49.180 on his business

00:29:49.820 just to see what happens

00:29:51.340 like and oftentimes

00:29:52.900 what he finds

00:29:53.420 is that sort of

00:29:53.800 benign neglect

00:29:54.620 he's able to figure out

00:29:56.020 like what is essential

00:29:56.760 and not essential

00:29:57.400 that's brilliant

00:29:58.000 and so he really

00:29:59.300 sometimes he realized

00:30:00.520 I don't need to answer

00:30:01.080 these emails

00:30:01.600 because they don't

00:30:02.660 they don't do anything

00:30:03.320 or if it is important

00:30:04.200 like someone will follow up

00:30:05.800 and usually people

00:30:06.600 don't follow up

00:30:07.340 yeah I consult

00:30:08.280 with a company

00:30:08.960 that decided

00:30:10.080 they were going to have

00:30:11.100 Friday

00:30:11.900 Fridays were going to be

00:30:13.300 meaningless

00:30:13.760 no more meetings

00:30:14.940 on Fridays

00:30:15.500 and what the CEOs

00:30:17.020 assumed

00:30:17.700 was that the meetings

00:30:19.520 on Fridays

00:30:20.140 would move to other days

00:30:21.440 they would migrate

00:30:22.160 the meetings

00:30:22.680 onto Monday

00:30:23.220 through Thursday

00:30:23.740 and what they discovered

00:30:24.640 was 80%

00:30:26.020 of those meetings

00:30:26.740 just disappeared

00:30:27.520 completely

00:30:28.020 and nobody cared

00:30:29.540 that they were ever gone

00:30:30.640 and so then they went

00:30:31.900 to no meetings

00:30:33.340 after 12 o'clock

00:30:35.020 on any day

00:30:36.540 and they realized

00:30:37.620 that 60%

00:30:38.600 of those meetings

00:30:39.480 just disappeared

00:30:40.660 that somewhere

00:30:41.660 you know

00:30:42.520 down the line

00:30:43.680 someone started

00:30:44.740 scheduling a weekly meeting

00:30:46.380 because they thought

00:30:47.420 it was going to be necessary

00:30:48.560 and it proved

00:30:49.280 to be utterly unnecessary

00:30:50.700 so start just

00:30:51.860 doing those things

00:30:53.180 you don't need to do

00:30:53.800 you can declare

00:30:54.360 email bankruptcy

00:30:55.240 just delete

00:30:56.460 every single email

00:30:57.600 in your inbox

00:30:58.460 if you're not an inbox

00:30:59.400 zero person

00:31:00.140 just declare bankruptcy

00:31:01.720 send an email

00:31:02.980 to everyone

00:31:03.580 on your contact list

00:31:04.660 saying I'm declaring bankruptcy

00:31:05.860 I'm erasing

00:31:06.400 every single email

00:31:07.340 if you were waiting

00:31:08.180 on something from me

00:31:09.260 please send it again

00:31:10.540 and you'll discover

00:31:11.460 you'll get almost

00:31:12.400 nothing back in return

00:31:13.660 because almost

00:31:14.300 no one is waiting on you

00:31:15.500 even though you feel

00:31:16.720 like they're waiting on you

00:31:17.740 no yeah

00:31:18.900 I think a lot of people

00:31:19.520 feel like they're waiting

00:31:19.980 but yeah no one

00:31:20.740 no one cares

00:31:21.320 that's it

00:31:22.520 it's really

00:31:23.160 it all boils down to

00:31:25.140 nobody actually cares

00:31:26.440 as much as they think

00:31:27.680 as much as you think

00:31:29.520 they care

00:31:29.980 so a common adage

00:31:32.160 you hear

00:31:32.540 for creative types

00:31:33.680 for people

00:31:33.960 who are trying

00:31:34.200 to start a business

00:31:34.880 or even just

00:31:36.080 start a new hobby

00:31:37.500 or whatever

00:31:38.020 a new skill

00:31:38.620 is don't let the perfect

00:31:40.480 be the enemy

00:31:41.140 of the good

00:31:41.900 but you say

00:31:42.700 that's horrible advice

00:31:43.860 why is that

00:31:44.500 I hate it

00:31:45.360 because don't let the perfect

00:31:46.680 be the enemy

00:31:47.340 of the good

00:31:47.840 implies that

00:31:48.700 what you will make

00:31:49.560 is going to be good

00:31:50.780 and I think

00:31:52.100 what we have to acknowledge

00:31:53.280 as people who are trying

00:31:54.840 to create things

00:31:55.800 whether it's a garden

00:31:56.520 in your backyard

00:31:57.280 or you know

00:31:58.620 a fortune 100 company

00:32:00.360 we make terrible things

00:32:02.360 all the time

00:32:03.400 and I think

00:32:04.480 the problem

00:32:05.100 with getting people

00:32:07.140 to take a step forward

00:32:08.300 is that desire

00:32:09.760 for perfection

00:32:10.740 that need

00:32:11.860 to have everything perfect

00:32:13.520 or if not perfect

00:32:14.900 at least good

00:32:16.320 before it gets out the door

00:32:17.760 I think that

00:32:19.240 most creative people

00:32:21.580 if you examine

00:32:22.260 their lives closely

00:32:23.220 you'll discover

00:32:24.280 that they make

00:32:24.780 a lot of terrible things

00:32:25.920 before they ever

00:32:26.520 make something good

00:32:27.160 my favorite

00:32:27.620 is Richard Branson

00:32:29.020 you know

00:32:29.880 who has

00:32:30.340 who's sending people

00:32:31.080 to space now

00:32:31.720 his first company

00:32:32.420 was selling parakeets

00:32:33.980 and it failed

00:32:35.100 because his parakeets

00:32:36.360 bred too quickly

00:32:37.320 he couldn't actually

00:32:38.080 sell them

00:32:38.520 and he had more inventory

00:32:39.540 than he had customers

00:32:40.400 and we don't think

00:32:42.280 about Richard Branson

00:32:43.000 like that today

00:32:43.560 we imagine

00:32:44.180 sort of that

00:32:44.680 he landed on the top

00:32:45.880 of the mountain

00:32:46.460 you know

00:32:47.340 as if he was born

00:32:48.180 there were so many

00:32:49.600 I think all of the people

00:32:50.940 that we see

00:32:51.500 as successful today

00:32:52.420 in whatever realm

00:32:53.420 you're imagining

00:32:54.080 they all began

00:32:55.840 by making terrible

00:32:57.660 ridiculous

00:32:58.360 and stupid mistakes

00:32:59.660 but if we're thinking

00:33:00.940 that what we need

00:33:01.840 to put out

00:33:02.320 into the world

00:33:02.840 is at least

00:33:03.580 needs to be good

00:33:04.520 we're not going to

00:33:05.580 really produce very much

00:33:06.480 we have to acknowledge

00:33:07.400 that we make terrible things

00:33:08.780 and there's nothing

00:33:09.400 wrong with that

00:33:10.120 all right

00:33:11.040 so making terrible stuff

00:33:12.080 is just part of the process

00:33:12.980 and you highlight

00:33:13.840 some stories

00:33:15.340 from your own life

00:33:16.020 where you saw

00:33:16.940 that in action

00:33:17.580 so before you were

00:33:19.260 a school teacher

00:33:19.920 and a storyteller guy

00:33:21.900 you actually had

00:33:22.800 a DJ

00:33:23.700 like a wedding DJ business

00:33:25.340 and you talked about

00:33:26.420 like the first one

00:33:27.520 you ever did

00:33:27.940 with your friend

00:33:28.720 was awful

00:33:30.400 it was like terrible

00:33:31.380 or I guess

00:33:32.500 the first one was okay

00:33:33.340 I guess the second one

00:33:34.300 was really bad

00:33:35.040 yes the second one

00:33:36.040 was terrible

00:33:36.680 yeah

00:33:37.580 and then

00:33:38.360 oddly enough

00:33:39.860 I think it was probably

00:33:41.700 17 years later

00:33:43.900 I was sitting

00:33:44.920 I was sitting

00:33:46.340 at a storytelling

00:33:47.240 workshop weekend

00:33:48.240 with my teaching assistant

00:33:49.400 and somehow

00:33:50.340 through the conversation

00:33:51.300 we had

00:33:51.860 we realized

00:33:52.780 that that second wedding

00:33:54.380 that woman Jessica

00:33:55.700 was my teaching assistant's cousin

00:33:58.260 and my teaching assistant

00:33:59.660 was actually at the wedding

00:34:00.740 we didn't know each other

00:34:01.780 it was you know

00:34:02.300 almost two decades ago

00:34:03.520 and I said

00:34:04.800 I was terrible

00:34:06.060 I ruined her wedding

00:34:07.280 that day

00:34:07.700 as the DJ

00:34:08.220 and she got on the phone

00:34:10.000 and called Jessica

00:34:10.920 and said

00:34:11.500 what do you remember

00:34:12.740 about your wedding DJ

00:34:13.880 and she said

00:34:15.200 well I don't really remember much

00:34:16.800 she played some music

00:34:17.920 everything went fine

00:34:18.920 she has no recollection

00:34:20.280 that I was terrible

00:34:21.580 that day

00:34:22.260 because in her mind

00:34:23.500 I got married

00:34:24.160 some music was played

00:34:25.120 we danced

00:34:25.700 everything was good

00:34:26.580 in my mind

00:34:27.560 for all of my DJ career

00:34:29.640 more than 20 years

00:34:30.700 I always thought

00:34:31.820 I really blew that second wedding

00:34:33.200 for those poor people

00:34:34.020 I feel so bad for them

00:34:35.120 and she had no recollection

00:34:36.920 whatsoever of it

00:34:37.740 and I think that's so true

00:34:38.820 you know

00:34:39.660 I was talking to this executive

00:34:41.440 who's getting ready

00:34:42.140 to put out a newsletter

00:34:43.120 and she said

00:34:44.560 I'm worried

00:34:45.100 I need to get a few newsletters ahead

00:34:46.700 because I'm worried

00:34:47.400 what if I don't put one out

00:34:48.600 every Monday

00:34:49.260 what will people think

00:34:50.380 and I said

00:34:51.560 do you think they'll think anything

00:34:52.900 like if you put out a newsletter

00:34:54.580 on a Monday

00:34:55.180 and then you miss a Monday

00:34:56.300 do you really think

00:34:57.820 people are at the computer

00:34:59.000 waiting for your newsletter

00:35:00.980 to arrive in their inbox

00:35:02.400 every Monday

00:35:03.140 and that if it doesn't arrive

00:35:04.280 they're going to think

00:35:04.860 you're terrible

00:35:05.360 she genuinely thought that

00:35:07.120 she really believed that

00:35:08.820 if she didn't hit her schedule perfectly

00:35:11.100 the people who are paying nothing

00:35:13.040 for her newsletter

00:35:13.980 will suddenly be angry with her

00:35:15.500 and I think that's a perception

00:35:16.500 people have all the time

00:35:17.820 that everyone is looking

00:35:19.520 at what they're doing

00:35:20.420 and judging it

00:35:21.380 when so often

00:35:22.020 this is just not the case

00:35:23.200 that wedding example

00:35:24.120 was a real eye-opener for me

00:35:25.520 well yeah this is

00:35:27.000 you talk about this

00:35:27.800 the spotlight effect

00:35:28.700 oftentimes we think

00:35:29.700 people are thinking

00:35:30.580 about ourselves

00:35:31.700 they're not actually

00:35:33.760 no one's thinking about us

00:35:34.900 they're thinking about themselves

00:35:35.920 it's sad but true

00:35:37.320 you know they do all these experiments

00:35:38.920 where they'll send a college kid

00:35:41.220 into a classroom

00:35:42.180 wearing the most ridiculous shirt

00:35:45.000 they've ever had on in their life

00:35:46.500 and they'll sit amongst 50 kids

00:35:48.660 in a college class

00:35:49.520 and at the end of the class

00:35:50.300 they'll ask the kid wearing the shirt

00:35:51.860 how many people in that class

00:35:53.460 do you think noticed

00:35:54.200 what you were wearing

00:35:54.940 and the kid will say like

00:35:56.360 well almost everybody

00:35:57.280 I'm sure

00:35:57.780 and then they'll interview the class

00:35:59.740 and they'll discover

00:36:00.460 almost no one

00:36:01.920 saw the shirt

00:36:03.220 or acknowledged it in any way

00:36:04.640 but that's how we live our lives

00:36:06.300 because we are the center

00:36:07.460 of our own universe

00:36:08.480 but for some reason

00:36:10.100 we then by extension

00:36:11.260 assume that we are the center

00:36:12.720 of everyone else's universe

00:36:14.000 whereas the truth is

00:36:15.520 nobody's looking at anybody

00:36:16.720 all you have to do

00:36:17.420 is think about

00:36:18.000 the last holiday party

00:36:20.080 that you went to

00:36:20.900 like if you were a person

00:36:22.180 who spends an enormous amount

00:36:23.380 of time

00:36:23.880 trying to figure out

00:36:25.040 what to wear at a party

00:36:26.460 ask yourself now

00:36:28.380 you know if you were

00:36:29.220 at a Christmas party

00:36:30.120 do you remember

00:36:31.320 what you were wearing

00:36:32.000 at the last Christmas party

00:36:33.000 and if you remember

00:36:33.760 what you were wearing

00:36:34.520 ask yourself this

00:36:35.400 how many other people's outfits

00:36:37.840 do you actually remember

00:36:39.140 you probably remember none

00:36:40.420 and yet you thought

00:36:42.120 everyone remembers yours

00:36:43.560 they don't remember yours either

00:36:45.020 as soon as we acknowledge

00:36:46.280 that no one's paying

00:36:46.980 as much attention to us

00:36:47.980 as we think they are

00:36:49.440 we can move through this world

00:36:50.900 with a lot more impunity

00:36:52.080 and stop worrying

00:36:53.360 about being perfect

00:36:54.280 or even being good

00:36:55.680 and we'll be more willing

00:36:56.660 to put terrible things

00:36:57.740 into this world

00:36:58.400 until we find the way

00:36:59.740 to be good again

00:37:00.460 so another thing

00:37:02.640 you encourage

00:37:03.320 people who are

00:37:04.800 you know

00:37:05.180 they're trying to

00:37:06.080 write a book

00:37:07.060 or they're trying to

00:37:07.560 start a business

00:37:08.180 or doing something

00:37:10.180 where they're putting

00:37:10.980 something out into the world

00:37:11.900 is to record

00:37:14.120 all of the compliments

00:37:15.400 you receive

00:37:16.420 this is a practice

00:37:17.560 you've been doing

00:37:17.880 for a long time

00:37:18.480 why do you do that?

00:37:20.220 well as an elementary

00:37:20.840 school teacher

00:37:21.400 there's a lot of science

00:37:22.460 that shows that

00:37:23.800 for human beings

00:37:25.700 a negative comment

00:37:27.280 lands a lot longer

00:37:29.020 in the mind of a human

00:37:30.140 than a positive comment

00:37:31.580 we actually

00:37:32.000 the ratio tends to be

00:37:33.460 about six to one

00:37:34.340 which means we need

00:37:35.120 six positive comments

00:37:36.140 to counteract

00:37:36.940 a negative comment

00:37:37.840 so in teaching

00:37:39.000 I know that I have to say

00:37:40.460 six positive things

00:37:41.620 to every sort of

00:37:42.720 corrective or negative thing

00:37:44.320 I say

00:37:44.660 just to get back

00:37:45.620 to neutral with a kid

00:37:46.640 and I think in life

00:37:48.160 we probably need

00:37:49.400 the same ratio

00:37:50.280 and yet it's almost impossible

00:37:51.620 to achieve organically

00:37:53.520 we tend not to get

00:37:54.920 six compliments

00:37:55.820 for every negative remark

00:37:57.280 that is directed at us

00:37:58.360 especially as creators

00:37:59.800 if you're building anything

00:38:00.840 you're invariably

00:38:01.920 going to get negativity

00:38:02.920 and so what I started doing

00:38:05.100 you're right

00:38:05.500 a long time ago

00:38:06.320 is I started saving

00:38:08.180 every email

00:38:09.260 that I received

00:38:10.240 that had sort of

00:38:11.020 positivity in it

00:38:12.000 or every text message

00:38:13.240 or every Facebook message

00:38:14.580 and I just created

00:38:16.140 a long list

00:38:17.500 where all of those

00:38:19.480 compliments are collected

00:38:20.920 so that

00:38:21.560 if I wake up in the morning

00:38:23.220 and I'm not quite

00:38:24.120 feeling myself

00:38:24.940 or I need a boost

00:38:25.840 of positivity

00:38:26.460 or someone has just

00:38:27.260 like punched me

00:38:28.080 in the psychic jaw

00:38:29.380 and made me feel terrible

00:38:30.420 about something I made

00:38:31.480 I open up that

00:38:33.200 list of compliments

00:38:34.460 and I just scroll it

00:38:36.040 sort of with my eyes closed

00:38:38.020 until I land on something

00:38:39.320 and you know

00:38:40.220 I land on compliments

00:38:41.300 from like a dozen years ago

00:38:42.820 a compliment

00:38:43.500 I have completely forgotten

00:38:45.100 from a person

00:38:45.800 I don't remember

00:38:46.600 and now I've sort of

00:38:48.260 doubled the power

00:38:49.200 of that compliment

00:38:49.880 it comes back to me

00:38:50.820 a second time

00:38:51.520 it reminds me that

00:38:52.620 at some point

00:38:54.000 in the past

00:38:54.600 someone thought

00:38:55.320 I was good

00:38:55.860 so maybe I can be good again

00:38:57.460 and then with email

00:38:58.920 I love snoozing compliments

00:39:00.560 so when I get a

00:39:01.520 if I get an email

00:39:02.560 from someone

00:39:03.080 what I'll do now

00:39:03.860 is I'll snooze it

00:39:04.660 I will send it

00:39:05.380 to the future

00:39:05.980 so that it arrives

00:39:07.220 to me on an unexpected day

00:39:08.780 at an unexpected time

00:39:10.120 thus again

00:39:11.200 doubling the power

00:39:12.300 of that positivity

00:39:13.160 I'm trying to get

00:39:14.200 to that 6 to 1 ratio

00:39:15.620 for myself

00:39:16.280 I think we sort of

00:39:17.960 as human beings

00:39:19.320 we just discard

00:39:20.280 the things that people

00:39:21.320 say to us

00:39:22.520 that are kind

00:39:23.340 assuming they're

00:39:24.520 they're being kind

00:39:25.660 but not honest

00:39:26.640 I think it's a terrible

00:39:27.460 thing we do to ourselves

00:39:28.360 so any way we can

00:39:29.440 maximize the positivity

00:39:31.580 that we receive

00:39:32.760 in our lives

00:39:33.920 I think that will

00:39:34.520 really help

00:39:35.240 a lot of the

00:39:36.140 a lot of the people

00:39:37.320 who are making things

00:39:38.160 and get a lot of

00:39:38.820 negativity as a result

00:39:39.940 no I

00:39:41.320 you know

00:39:41.860 as someone who

00:39:42.480 puts stuff out there

00:39:43.480 I'm

00:39:44.060 yeah

00:39:44.440 one like negative

00:39:45.480 comment or something

00:39:46.540 can just

00:39:47.020 ruin my day

00:39:48.600 and it's so dumb

00:39:50.460 but you know

00:39:51.180 knowing that

00:39:52.200 that I feel that

00:39:53.880 and knowing that

00:39:54.680 people often

00:39:55.380 when they reach out

00:39:56.160 to you

00:39:56.360 usually something

00:39:56.920 went wrong

00:39:57.480 knowing that

00:39:58.700 I

00:39:58.960 I go out of my way

00:40:00.360 to make sure

00:40:00.800 if I had a good

00:40:01.420 experience at a business

00:40:02.500 or I enjoyed something

00:40:03.660 to like let that person

00:40:04.620 know

00:40:04.960 like one of my

00:40:05.520 favorite things to do

00:40:06.040 is like

00:40:06.300 as my good deed

00:40:06.940 for the day

00:40:07.300 is just go to

00:40:07.820 Google

00:40:08.140 you know

00:40:08.620 Google

00:40:08.880 and like

00:40:09.260 leave a review

00:40:09.980 for a business

00:40:11.160 and this was a great

00:40:11.820 like

00:40:12.020 and also when you

00:40:12.980 leave a positive

00:40:13.480 review

00:40:13.720 I like to be

00:40:14.120 effusive with it

00:40:14.860 because oftentimes

00:40:15.380 when people leave

00:40:15.900 positive reviews

00:40:16.500 it's like

00:40:16.780 it was good

00:40:17.460 and that was it

00:40:18.140 the negative reviews

00:40:19.440 are always

00:40:19.960 what was terrible

00:40:21.120 and here's what was wrong

00:40:21.960 people get into detail

00:40:23.140 when things are wrong

00:40:24.180 but I like to

00:40:25.140 get into detail

00:40:25.900 why I thought

00:40:27.040 this business was great

00:40:27.980 yeah I love that

00:40:29.100 I write 100

00:40:30.480 physical letters

00:40:31.460 every year

00:40:32.060 as one of my goals

00:40:33.880 to sort of like

00:40:34.540 put out into the world

00:40:35.420 and so many

00:40:36.440 of the letters

00:40:37.140 that I write

00:40:37.800 are to

00:40:39.100 a restaurant

00:40:39.980 complimenting

00:40:40.920 a particular server

00:40:42.240 on a particular evening

00:40:44.040 when they made our night

00:40:45.260 everything was perfect

00:40:46.380 and you know

00:40:47.560 the meal was lovely

00:40:48.620 in part because

00:40:49.420 that person

00:40:49.960 took such good care

00:40:50.860 of us

00:40:51.140 so I will write

00:40:51.840 to the owner

00:40:52.440 of that business

00:40:53.220 complimenting

00:40:53.940 that particular server

00:40:55.100 and sometimes

00:40:55.780 actually more often

00:40:56.640 than you'd expect

00:40:57.240 I get letters

00:40:58.340 in return

00:40:58.840 from these people

00:40:59.640 you know

00:41:00.320 telling me

00:41:00.860 that like

00:41:01.260 no one ever

00:41:02.040 says anything nice

00:41:03.020 to me

00:41:03.500 over the course

00:41:04.280 of my work day

00:41:04.900 and to get

00:41:05.800 a physical letter

00:41:06.760 is really meaningful

00:41:08.200 because it's a tangible

00:41:09.380 and permanent reminder

00:41:11.040 that someone

00:41:12.340 in the world

00:41:12.800 appreciates you

00:41:13.540 I don't know

00:41:13.960 how many of those

00:41:14.660 letters are saved

00:41:15.400 but when I get a letter

00:41:16.440 I have a box

00:41:17.540 that all those letters

00:41:18.380 go into

00:41:18.800 and again

00:41:19.180 it's one of those

00:41:19.780 things where

00:41:20.220 if I need a boost

00:41:21.800 of spirit

00:41:22.340 I can open up

00:41:23.080 the box

00:41:23.480 and just randomly

00:41:24.140 reach in

00:41:24.640 and pull something

00:41:25.240 out and feel

00:41:25.740 better about the day

00:41:26.540 as a result

00:41:27.120 see this other idea

00:41:29.260 in your book

00:41:30.480 about not making

00:41:32.000 the thing

00:41:32.680 the thing

00:41:33.580 what do you mean

00:41:35.120 by that

00:41:35.620 yeah

00:41:36.260 it's a phrase

00:41:36.840 I use at work

00:41:37.360 all the time

00:41:37.800 I say

00:41:38.060 not everything

00:41:38.700 is a thing

00:41:39.380 it's

00:41:40.640 it's this weird

00:41:41.640 thing that people

00:41:42.480 do where

00:41:43.120 every small

00:41:45.240 problem

00:41:45.920 or every

00:41:47.100 little nuance

00:41:49.120 of life

00:41:49.800 is for whatever

00:41:51.380 reason

00:41:51.800 expanded

00:41:52.580 into its

00:41:53.400 greatest

00:41:54.100 possible

00:41:55.000 glory

00:41:55.820 and

00:41:56.360 it just consumes

00:41:57.820 our lives

00:41:58.520 I'm dealing with one

00:41:59.500 right now actually

00:42:00.240 as a school teacher

00:42:02.000 right around now

00:42:03.640 I just received it

00:42:04.720 the other day

00:42:05.260 the schedules

00:42:06.700 come out

00:42:07.240 there's

00:42:07.580 I have three people

00:42:08.600 who teach fifth grade

00:42:09.440 with me

00:42:09.780 and so they send us

00:42:10.520 three schedules

00:42:11.240 and so begins

00:42:13.680 for so many teachers

00:42:14.640 the battle over

00:42:15.600 who's going to get

00:42:16.420 which schedule

00:42:17.020 and I never battle it

00:42:19.300 I just say

00:42:19.860 give me whatever

00:42:20.380 one is left over

00:42:21.300 all the schedules

00:42:22.560 are completely balanced

00:42:23.660 we have the same

00:42:24.400 amount of teaching time

00:42:25.380 and prep time

00:42:26.200 and as I look back

00:42:27.660 over my 24 years

00:42:28.880 of teaching

00:42:29.360 a schedule

00:42:31.060 has never

00:42:31.920 changed

00:42:32.980 my effectiveness

00:42:34.380 or my feeling

00:42:35.840 about that school year

00:42:37.040 and so

00:42:38.180 I just

00:42:38.760 don't care

00:42:39.380 about it

00:42:39.720 I don't make

00:42:40.240 that thing

00:42:40.820 a thing

00:42:41.340 like some people

00:42:42.180 like

00:42:42.380 but on Fridays

00:42:43.240 I want to have

00:42:43.840 the extra

00:42:44.540 30 minutes

00:42:45.840 because it's a

00:42:46.420 it doesn't matter

00:42:47.620 you're making

00:42:48.420 a thing

00:42:48.820 out of a thing

00:42:49.480 and so I've

00:42:50.380 watched teachers

00:42:51.220 battle for a week

00:42:52.240 in the midst

00:42:53.060 of their summer

00:42:53.620 vacation

00:42:54.060 over what their

00:42:54.820 schedule will be

00:42:55.440 next year

00:42:55.940 and some teachers

00:42:56.820 genuinely get mad

00:42:57.700 at me

00:42:57.920 I've had people

00:42:58.540 say like

00:42:58.900 you just don't care

00:42:59.800 and I always say

00:43:01.260 I'm choosing

00:43:01.880 not to care

00:43:02.380 what I'm really

00:43:02.820 doing is being

00:43:03.320 the eagle

00:43:03.760 they are in the

00:43:04.440 details

00:43:04.840 thinking that

00:43:05.400 these details

00:43:06.000 will ultimately

00:43:06.580 matter

00:43:07.020 whereas the

00:43:07.780 hundred year old

00:43:08.300 version of myself

00:43:08.920 says those

00:43:10.000 schedules never

00:43:10.860 meant anything

00:43:11.660 they were all

00:43:12.500 balanced and fine

00:43:13.500 just let them

00:43:14.100 fight over it

00:43:14.900 you go play golf

00:43:16.180 and when they're

00:43:16.760 done take the

00:43:17.420 one that's left

00:43:17.980 over you're

00:43:18.440 happier than

00:43:18.980 all of them

00:43:19.460 anyway

00:43:19.840 so we can't

00:43:22.180 whenever we can

00:43:23.040 make something

00:43:23.960 irrelevant in our

00:43:24.960 lives because it

00:43:25.780 doesn't really have

00:43:26.600 much meaning

00:43:27.260 we should make

00:43:28.040 it irrelevant

00:43:28.480 we should not

00:43:29.180 be turning

00:43:30.680 things into

00:43:31.780 larger things

00:43:32.540 when it's not

00:43:33.060 necessary

00:43:33.620 you give the

00:43:34.720 example of a

00:43:35.380 thing becoming

00:43:35.800 a thing

00:43:36.100 the guacamole

00:43:36.900 made at your

00:43:37.920 table side

00:43:38.620 yes

00:43:39.420 right

00:43:40.220 there was a

00:43:41.480 time when they

00:43:42.260 would just bring

00:43:42.780 guacamole to

00:43:43.500 you and now

00:43:44.760 you know it

00:43:45.600 probably happened

00:43:46.400 to me last

00:43:47.340 it was a while

00:43:48.880 ago because of

00:43:49.340 the pandemic

00:43:49.840 I haven't had

00:43:50.480 this situation

00:43:51.000 happen but

00:43:51.640 we'd be in a

00:43:53.340 wonderful conversation

00:43:54.480 at the table

00:43:55.520 and then suddenly

00:43:56.340 a man would

00:43:57.060 arrive with a

00:43:57.860 mortar and

00:43:58.460 pestle and

00:43:59.660 avocados

00:44:00.320 and now

00:44:02.360 I had to

00:44:03.120 watch the

00:44:03.760 guacamole get

00:44:04.580 made at the

00:44:05.120 table which

00:44:05.620 ceased the

00:44:06.160 conversation

00:44:06.680 completely and

00:44:08.220 weirdly put

00:44:09.020 food preparation

00:44:09.900 on display

00:44:10.900 when it just

00:44:11.700 belongs in the

00:44:12.460 kitchen like

00:44:13.500 we didn't need

00:44:14.640 guacamole at

00:44:16.280 the table being

00:44:17.300 made a thing

00:44:18.500 that was never

00:44:19.060 something anyone

00:44:19.680 wanted or needed

00:44:20.820 somewhere along

00:44:21.760 the way someone

00:44:22.340 decided well this

00:44:24.060 will make it seem

00:44:25.000 fresher to the

00:44:25.960 to the people who

00:44:27.040 are coming to the

00:44:27.600 restaurant it also

00:44:28.400 stifles conversation

00:44:29.520 and it sort of

00:44:31.160 awkwardly makes us

00:44:32.360 watch someone do

00:44:33.400 something that used

00:44:34.080 to be done in the

00:44:34.700 kitchen so there's a

00:44:35.900 lot of examples of

00:44:36.860 this like everywhere

00:44:37.660 in the world everyone

00:44:38.760 is trying to make a

00:44:39.680 thing into a thing to

00:44:41.600 sort of slow our

00:44:42.560 lives down you know

00:44:43.380 where I've seen this

00:44:44.000 it's sort of my

00:44:44.860 domain with men is

00:44:46.680 making facial hair a

00:44:47.900 thing yes like it's

00:44:50.500 the thing like it

00:44:51.060 becomes like their

00:44:51.600 whole identity like I

00:44:52.620 have a mustache and I

00:44:53.700 really I don't think

00:44:54.440 about my mustache at

00:44:55.260 all I mean when it's

00:44:56.420 looking a little

00:44:56.800 scraggly I'll trim it

00:44:58.000 but there's guys out

00:44:59.380 there that their

00:45:00.180 whole life is around

00:45:00.980 their beard and like

00:45:02.100 how trimmed it is and

00:45:03.300 the beard oils and and

00:45:04.900 like you know they're

00:45:05.300 posting pictures of it

00:45:06.140 on Instagram talking

00:45:07.780 about it and like you

00:45:08.860 know I don't know when

00:45:10.000 I was a kid most of the

00:45:11.320 men in my life had

00:45:11.940 facial hair but I

00:45:13.160 never once saw my dad

00:45:14.320 he never talked about

00:45:15.640 his mustache at all like

00:45:16.740 it was just you just

00:45:17.760 had a mustache it's a

00:45:19.160 great example I don't

00:45:20.820 drink coffee I've never

00:45:22.080 tasted it but coffee is

00:45:23.640 a thing you know it

00:45:24.640 ceased a long time to be

00:45:26.360 a beverage and now it

00:45:28.440 is something people

00:45:29.460 talk about so much and

00:45:31.040 it's weird because

00:45:31.740 they're always so

00:45:32.340 dissatisfied with this

00:45:33.440 beverage like you know

00:45:34.800 it seems like one out

00:45:35.920 of every ten coffees my

00:45:37.300 wife gets is cold or

00:45:38.900 not sweetened properly

00:45:40.080 or the foam is wrong I

00:45:41.620 mean there's a multitude

00:45:42.520 of factors that

00:45:43.980 determine the quality of

00:45:45.620 a coffee which is one of

00:45:46.540 the reasons I've always

00:45:47.280 stayed away from it I

00:45:48.000 just can't get involved

00:45:48.900 but now the word coffee

00:45:49.980 culture exists like the

00:45:51.980 word culture should never

00:45:53.200 be attached to a

00:45:54.160 beverage that is a thing

00:45:55.300 becoming a thing in a

00:45:56.380 way that is utterly

00:45:57.640 unnecessary but I've I

00:45:58.940 ride my bike by the

00:46:00.140 Starbucks in our town

00:46:01.120 and I see lines of cars

00:46:03.400 like 16 long in the

00:46:05.240 drive-thru there's so

00:46:07.060 many places to get

00:46:07.860 coffee or get out of

00:46:08.860 your car and walk in and

00:46:09.880 get it but it really has

00:46:11.700 become a thing so

00:46:12.580 whenever you're whenever

00:46:14.120 you're moving through

00:46:14.700 your life you need to be

00:46:15.380 asking yourself did we

00:46:16.480 suddenly turn a simple

00:46:18.720 thing into a special

00:46:20.000 thing and did it need to

00:46:21.360 be special probably not

00:46:23.380 just get your coffee

00:46:24.140 just go to Dunkin Donuts

00:46:25.680 so you have this other

00:46:27.720 idea about if you're in

00:46:29.100 the creative business

00:46:30.100 whether that's writing a

00:46:30.900 book or starting a

00:46:31.700 business it's important to

00:46:33.040 not be an a-hole why is

00:46:34.760 that well this was my

00:46:36.300 agent's insight she was

00:46:38.520 standing in my backyard

00:46:39.460 and we were watching my

00:46:40.240 kids play one day and

00:46:41.320 and she she just leaned

00:46:43.960 over to me like sort of

00:46:45.080 out of the blue and she

00:46:45.880 said listen don't ever

00:46:47.600 become an a-hole and I

00:46:49.320 said okay I said am I and

00:46:51.020 she said no you're not and

00:46:52.460 I really don't want you

00:46:53.200 to be one you know she

00:46:54.760 explained to me that she

00:46:56.560 loves my writing she

00:46:57.700 thinks I'm a brilliant

00:46:58.400 writer but she said boy

00:47:00.140 is it easier to sell your

00:47:02.120 books when the people I'm

00:47:03.580 selling them to like you

00:47:05.240 and genuinely think that

00:47:07.100 you're easy to work with

00:47:08.260 and I think about that all

00:47:09.660 the time now the idea

00:47:10.860 that when we move through

00:47:12.680 this world we have an

00:47:13.520 opportunity to make an

00:47:15.220 impression and a

00:47:16.280 connection with people in a

00:47:18.560 in a positive way or a

00:47:19.840 negative way and the

00:47:22.080 positive will always

00:47:22.960 outweigh the negative I

00:47:23.820 was actually in a

00:47:24.660 McDonald's yesterday and

00:47:26.460 I went into the

00:47:27.500 McDonald's rather than

00:47:28.460 through the drive-thru

00:47:29.260 because I had I had I

00:47:30.840 was doing TV spots for

00:47:32.300 this new book and I had

00:47:33.200 an hour between so I

00:47:34.200 said I'll go to

00:47:34.760 McDonald's I'll get a

00:47:35.780 Diet Coke and I'll do

00:47:36.580 some writing and then

00:47:37.940 I'll go back to the TV

00:47:38.720 studio and I went inside

00:47:40.620 and the woman came up to

00:47:41.780 me I don't know her name

00:47:42.920 but she came up to me and

00:47:43.740 she said why are you

00:47:45.040 inside today and I don't

00:47:46.900 really go to that

00:47:47.640 McDonald's very often

00:47:48.660 you know often enough

00:47:49.520 apparently that she knew

00:47:50.440 me and I said oh I have

00:47:51.960 an hour to kill I'm gonna

00:47:52.800 go do some writing and

00:47:53.840 then she said to me she

00:47:54.620 said you're my best

00:47:55.760 customer and I thought I

00:47:57.720 have done nothing to be

00:47:58.760 her best customer and as

00:48:00.140 I reflected upon it all I

00:48:01.500 do is I say good morning

00:48:03.520 to her in the drive-thru and

00:48:05.360 I say thank you after I get

00:48:06.720 my food and I smile and I

00:48:09.780 just thought how many

00:48:10.940 people go through that

00:48:11.800 drive-thru and treat her in

00:48:14.160 such a way that she doesn't

00:48:16.040 love them now that woman is

00:48:17.180 probably not gonna be someone

00:48:18.700 who gets me further in life

00:48:20.160 or makes my life better in

00:48:21.560 any way but if you treat

00:48:23.560 everyone like that and you

00:48:24.640 walk into a McDonald's and

00:48:25.800 they say you're our best

00:48:26.860 customer you're our favorite

00:48:27.920 customer can you imagine as I

00:48:29.540 move through my life how many

00:48:30.680 people are off also getting

00:48:32.040 that impression because I'm

00:48:33.260 not an a-hole but a lot of

00:48:34.480 people the more successful

00:48:36.520 they get it seems the worse

00:48:38.660 they get as human beings and

00:48:40.400 my agent had good advice for

00:48:42.300 me that day and I give it to

00:48:43.160 people all the time and I see

00:48:44.160 people do it all the time

00:48:45.100 they'll they're just not

00:48:46.800 kind and they're not decent

00:48:48.800 and I think it makes the

00:48:50.440 road harder for you and I

00:48:51.780 don't understand why anyone

00:48:52.780 wants to make the road any

00:48:53.900 harder than it needs to be

00:48:55.060 well you you talk about some

00:48:56.340 examples as a because you're

00:48:57.760 you're a professional

00:48:58.300 storyteller you're a novelist

00:49:00.100 and writer people come to

00:49:01.100 you for advice or they'll ask

00:49:03.300 you hey can you read this and

00:49:05.560 you know you're doing them a

00:49:06.560 favor but you also talk most a

00:49:07.700 lot of times people just

00:49:08.460 they're really rude about it

00:49:09.580 yeah yeah they they get

00:49:11.880 really upset if I you know

00:49:13.860 sometimes I've offered to

00:49:15.160 read something but if I

00:49:16.240 don't get to it in a month

00:49:18.260 you know which is not that

00:49:19.400 long of a time really they'll

00:49:21.360 email me back and say forget

00:49:22.620 it you know forget it don't

00:49:24.560 even look at my thing if you

00:49:25.740 can't get to it within a

00:49:26.800 month and I'm thinking have

00:49:27.860 you lost your mind I've

00:49:29.540 published eight books and I

00:49:30.780 offered to read the first

00:49:31.780 chapter and and and have a

00:49:33.640 15-minute conversation with you

00:49:35.020 like do you realize how I

00:49:36.440 would have loved to have had

00:49:38.400 that before I published a

00:49:39.620 book like I would have died

00:49:41.400 to have a published novelist

00:49:43.320 give me some wisdom and yet

00:49:45.200 because it's not quick

00:49:46.220 enough or because it's not

00:49:47.340 detailed enough or or

00:49:48.960 because I have to tell them

00:49:50.640 that you know they need to

00:49:51.720 work on something instead of

00:49:54.140 responding appreciatively they

00:49:56.140 respond terribly and there's

00:49:58.180 the counter example to where

00:49:59.400 some people are the kindest

00:50:00.840 human beings to me you know I

00:50:02.020 have a couple people in my

00:50:02.960 life who have sort of for the

00:50:05.320 past maybe five years been

00:50:06.720 sending me things to read

00:50:08.300 unpublished writers and

00:50:10.100 sometimes I get to it and

00:50:12.160 sometimes I can't and they

00:50:13.580 always respond with I realize

00:50:15.780 you're so busy and if you

00:50:16.740 can't get to it this time

00:50:17.740 that's fine I'll come back to

00:50:19.140 you in another six months if

00:50:20.220 it's not this one and and

00:50:21.560 those are the people I want to

00:50:22.600 read it right away I think like

00:50:23.980 that is the nicest way to

00:50:25.360 approach that and so therefore

00:50:27.320 I will help you whereas so

00:50:29.640 many people sort of undermine

00:50:31.160 themselves you know I think it

00:50:33.400 comes from desperation frankly I

00:50:34.860 think it's just the the

00:50:36.280 desperate need to be successful

00:50:38.820 and not knowing how to get

00:50:40.220 there and so they let their

00:50:41.900 frustration out and the one

00:50:43.260 person who might be helpful to

00:50:44.620 them so we've talked about

00:50:46.040 different things to make the

00:50:47.060 most of the day and make

00:50:48.420 someday today what what's one

00:50:51.620 thing you think people can do

00:50:52.900 today that will provide a lot of

00:50:55.200 ROI that's pretty easy I think

00:50:57.840 that one of the great tragedies of

00:51:00.200 this world is that we spend an

00:51:02.980 enormous amount of time thinking

00:51:05.200 about everyone but ourselves we

00:51:07.340 focus on our spouses and

00:51:09.200 partners and children and

00:51:10.360 parents and customers and

00:51:11.800 clients and neighbors and

00:51:13.040 everyone and I think it's a

00:51:15.120 really rare person who sits

00:51:17.280 down and only thinks about

00:51:18.840 themselves for a period of time

00:51:20.140 as a storyteller I do it all the

00:51:21.880 time and the storytellers I know

00:51:23.640 who are good they do because

00:51:24.900 we're deeply curious about

00:51:26.460 ourselves because we're always

00:51:27.500 looking for the next story to

00:51:28.880 tell on stage I often say that

00:51:31.140 storytellers are self-centered in

00:51:33.500 a positive way meaning they

00:51:34.800 allow themselves to be the

00:51:36.780 focus of their attention for at

00:51:38.720 least some part of every day I

00:51:41.240 think that most people don't do

00:51:42.560 this and then what happens is

00:51:44.260 they kind of end up in places

00:51:46.760 that they can almost not

00:51:48.240 explain they don't know how they

00:51:50.280 ended up where they are my

00:51:51.400 favorite question to ask someone

00:51:52.580 is not what do you do for a

00:51:54.500 living but how did you end up

00:51:56.500 doing the thing that you do for a

00:51:58.140 living and so often the answer to

00:52:00.220 that question is tragic because

00:52:01.660 you realize they didn't pursue

00:52:04.060 the thing they wanted and they

00:52:06.160 didn't really even choose the

00:52:07.760 place they're in it was chosen

00:52:09.280 for them by forces outside of

00:52:11.920 themselves so I think if someone

00:52:13.320 wants to make a real change in

00:52:14.700 their life the first thing they

00:52:15.740 can do is take time today lock

00:52:18.220 your children in the basement tell

00:52:20.000 your partner to go get a coffee and

00:52:22.700 just allow yourself to be sitting

00:52:24.560 in silence and think about

00:52:26.260 yourself and ask yourself where am I

00:52:29.360 who am I how did I get here and

00:52:32.240 then most importantly what point on

00:52:34.460 the horizon am I currently chasing

00:52:36.760 if you're not chasing a point on

00:52:39.360 the horizon if you don't have a dream

00:52:41.160 that you are pursuing you are

00:52:43.300 stagnant and then what is probably

00:52:45.840 happening to you is you're living

00:52:47.200 days that look exactly like the

00:52:49.060 previous day and the you know the

00:52:52.820 novel is probably not entering your

00:52:54.720 life new things are probably not

00:52:56.320 coming into your life and days are

00:52:59.040 seeming relatively unremarkable so

00:53:01.540 just give yourself permission to

00:53:04.300 think about yourself for a little

00:53:05.600 while and just sit on your couch or

00:53:07.420 whatever you have in your house

00:53:08.500 your beanbag chair for 10 minutes and

00:53:09.900 think about yourself and try to make

00:53:11.260 that a habit and I really think when

00:53:13.140 you pick out that point on the

00:53:14.360 horizon your days are going to get

00:53:16.280 more interesting your path is going

00:53:17.800 to become more interesting it's going

00:53:19.400 to become harder for sure but the

00:53:21.300 hard thing and the right thing are

00:53:22.900 often the same thing as one of the

00:53:24.320 characters in my novels once said so

00:53:26.440 find that point on the horizon the

00:53:28.060 next dream you want to chase and get

00:53:29.260 going well Matthew this has been a

00:53:30.840 great conversation where can people

00:53:31.960 go to learn more about the book and

00:53:33.320 your work if they go to Matthew

00:53:34.940 Dix.com they can find everything

00:53:36.320 there my books are available wherever

00:53:38.180 you get books and my wife and I have

00:53:40.920 a podcast as well about storytelling so

00:53:42.580 you can find that on my website or

00:53:44.140 speak up storytelling is the name of

00:53:46.520 that podcast so you can find me in

00:53:47.920 lots of places fantastic with math

00:53:49.540 Matthew Dix thanks for time it's

00:53:50.640 been a pleasure it has really been a

00:53:52.540 wonderful conversation thanks so much

00:53:53.900 my guest today was Matthew Dix he's

00:53:56.020 the author of the book someday is

00:53:57.420 today it's available on amazon.com

00:53:59.300 and bookstores everywhere you find

00:54:00.740 more information about his work at

00:54:01.820 his website matthewdix.com also check

00:54:04.640 out our show notes at aom.is slash

00:54:06.280 someday where you find links to

00:54:07.780 resources we delve deeper into this

00:54:09.440 topic

00:54:09.860 well that wraps up another edition of

00:54:18.880 the aom podcast make sure to check out

00:54:20.600 our website at artofmanliness.com

00:54:22.180 where you find our podcast archives as

00:54:23.960 well as thousands of articles written

00:54:25.340 over the years about pretty much

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00:54:51.300 as always thank you for the continued

00:54:52.760 support until next time this is brett

00:54:54.120 mckay remind you i'm listening on

00:54:55.760 podcast put what you've heard into

00:54:57.880 action

00:54:58.360 you

The Art of Manliness - July 31, 2025

Tactics and Mindset Shifts for Making the Most of Life

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