Throw a 2-Hour Cocktail Party That Can Change Your Life
Episode Stats
Summary
When Nick Gray moved to New York City, he was a shy introvert with few friends. He wanted to build his social network, so he started throwing cocktail parties to meet people. These parties changed his life, and he thinks they can change yours too.
Transcript
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brett mckay here and welcome to another edition of the art of manliness podcast
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when nick gray moved to new york city he was a shy introvert with few friends but he wanted to
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build up his social network so he started throwing cocktail parties to meet people
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these parties changed his life and he thinks they can change yours too nick knows what you're
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thinking you don't throw parties and hosting them is simply not for you but he would encourage you
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not to tune out he's got a great case for why you should give this idea a try and just as he does
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in his book the two-hour cocktail party how to build big relationships with small gatherings
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nick is going to lay out exactly how to throw a party that's low stakes and low effort
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will be highly successful in helping you build all kinds of connections today on the show nick
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shares what he's learned from throwing hundreds of parties and refining his hosting technique to a tea
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he explains why cocktail parties are better than dinner parties and don't have to involve actual
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cocktails the best night of the week to throw a party why the party should be only two hours long
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and have a firm in time how many people to invite and who to invite when you don't yet have any
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friends and he explains why he's a big fan of two things you might be hesitant about name tags and
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icebreakers and why two of his favorite things to include in a party are grapes and a harmonica
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after the show's over check out our show notes at aom.is slash party
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all right nick gray welcome to the show thanks excited to talk about parties yes you got a book
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called the two-hour cocktail party how to build big relationships with small gatherings so you wrote
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this book but you came after you started experimenting with hosting parties how did it change your life
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like what happened to you professionally and personally once you started having these cocktail
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parties on the regular i'll start with the biggest benefit is that professionally it helped me launch
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a multi-million dollar business called museum hack i don't say that to brag but just to say like
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there are real benefits to learning to host these gatherings and i built that business based on
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having a you know warm list of people who knew that they knew me they knew that i did good stuff by
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hosting these parties that i ran a well-run event so professionally i launched this business
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personally i got invited to more events i became someone who got introduced to people because of these
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events and this is one of the number one benefits that new hosts will tell me i'm now getting
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introduced to people i never used to get introduced to people oh you got to meet brett he hosts these
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awesome events like that became a part of my life and i guess i take it for granted now that i'm
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constantly being email introduced or i get on a text thread or at a party or i'm out somewhere and
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someone's like oh dude you got to meet nick he hosts these events that never used to happen to me
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yeah so i just get invited to neat events i meet really cool people and then i've built some of my
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best friends those relationships that i've built have come out of them first coming to my parties that
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was the first step because i believe that big relationships always start at the acquaintance
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level so yeah yeah and i imagine it's just you felt good too like i mean i know when i go to a
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good events where i'm mingling with people like the after effects like i feel really i feel good
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afterwards i feel happy yeah yeah somebody asked me look i gotta say somebody asked me like oh
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your parties that was an amazing party did you have fun and i'll be honest i wouldn't say that my
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parties i don't know maybe i shouldn't say this because people are gonna hate it but i wouldn't say
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that i have fun at my parties that's not the reason that i do it i am so happy afterwards because
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i've hosted a good event and people absolutely love it but it is not fun does that make sense is
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there like a difference yeah yeah it's not like i mean it's not yeah i would say like when you host a
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party i you feel tired and it can be exhausting but like you do feel good like you feel good because
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you got to rub shoulders with people and like you're able to bring people together and that feels
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it's satisfying super satisfying it's super satisfying and yeah folks that i talk to because
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i'm very lucky i get to talk to people who read my book and one of the things i say is call me the
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day afterwards i want to hear how your party went and they say like that was amazing i've never hosted
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a party and so they're very happy and fulfilled and they have this feeling here's the key thing
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you feel like you unlock a key life skill that nobody has ever taught us how to host a good event like
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nobody's taught us how to make friends as adults and this is one of those things that like riding
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a bike or learning how to juggle once you learn you're like oh yeah great i got it yeah that's a
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good point i think a lot of people who might be listening to this they're not party throwers and
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you're trying to sell them on throwing parties one of the selling points is if you want to make more
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friends this is an easy i mean you might think well party that's a lot of work we're going to show
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you actually it's easier than you think the barrier to entry is not as high as you think it is and it
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like you said you've made your best some of your best friends through these parties yes hugely big
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big friendships all started at that because i don't know you tell me what you think about this
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i think if you want to meet interesting people you have to do interesting things and an easy hack to be
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someone who does interesting things is to host a party now everyone wants to know someone who brings
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people together and what i found was all that it takes is a simple two-hour gathering in the time
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it takes you to watch a netflix movie or something you can gather 15 to 20 people and it just might
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change your life it did for me i sound like i'm like a commercial or a multi-level marketing scheme
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but i'm so red-pilled on the benefits of hosting these gatherings so okay let's talk about the parties
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in general why did you choose parties like a cocktail party over a dinner party so i use that phrase
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cocktail party because it represents a lightweight social gathering but you could call this whatever
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you want a happy hour a gathering i like the phrase cocktail party because you say it to somebody and
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they immediately know oh this is a low commitment i'll meet a lot of people it'll just be conversations
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and as long as that phrase cocktail party has existed it's kind of always been about the people
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there's not a single drink recipe in my book i don't even drink alcohol myself you don't have
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to serve alcohol but i found that cocktail parties got me 80 of the results of a dinner party
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with 20 of the work and i can talk a little bit about why you should not host a dinner party
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but many entrepreneurs and online advice are like start a mastermind group or host a dinner party
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for other business owners i actually don't think that's the best advice for somebody just getting
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started i actually think it hurts more than it helps why is that dinner parties require an extremely
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advanced level of facilitation and hosting skills they're also very stressful people have dietary
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preferences you have to manage the food the hack by the way is that if you want if you insist on hosting
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a dinner party just order thai food like order a bunch of options let people eat family style
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but i found at least so let's say for example i'm trying to tightly curate a dinner of six people
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by the way more than six people and the dinner party conversation will naturally bifurcate into two groups
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i don't like that i want it to be mono track and having something like a jeffersonian dinner with 10
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people on a mono single conversation requires extremely advanced facilitation skills and my book is
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really about just trying to convince a new generation of people hey if you've never hosted before or if
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the most you would host is on your birthday party or at a major life event consider how hosting can
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become a habit that you do once every other month to build up this network of acquaintances
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and i like too the idea of the cocktail party because even if you don't drink everyone knows
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when they they picture cocktail party they probably picture at least i do 1950s uh people you know
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dudes in suits women in nice dresses but they're out just like at someone's house and they have a drink
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in their hand and they're just chatting and i love that idea because it's so low commitment you're
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just going to show up and you're going to talk and the drinks are just something to give your hands to
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do while you're doing that basically and i think today oftentimes i think when people think they want
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to get people together it's got to be some kind of big event you got to have like you know it's got
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to be elaborate and whatever and so people end up just not doing anything so i think bringing back
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this idea of the cocktail party is a great way to get people together more often you said it much
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better than i did which is that it's just conversation a cocktail party is lightweight
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conversation a lot of people standing around usually at somebody's home the drinks are the crutch
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but they're there and it's easy you can pop in if you don't like it you can leave after 30 minutes
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think about what what it's like when you invite somebody to an event if i ask somebody to come over
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for dinner i gotta be honest that is a very intimate large commitment that requires you know probably two
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to three hours of a dedicated schedule block i really need to like somebody to say yes to a dinner
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party the key thing is a cocktail party is easy to say yes to it's easy for somebody to say yes to
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and i found that at the beginning for someone to be successful in hosting and making friends and
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building their network of acquaintances the number one indicator of success for their first party is
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how many people show up all right let's start talking about planning these parties we're going to
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call it a cocktail party you don't have to serve alcohol necessarily but it's just the the mental
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model we're using to help people understand like oh we're just coming together to talk how far in
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advance should you plan a cocktail party you need three weeks to plan your party minimum and again the
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reason for that is i really want new hosts to be successful and i found that three weeks gives you
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enough time to first get the five yeses from your core group and then to cast a wider net and get 10
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more yeses your goal is to get 15 people and when you give yourself three weeks i found that is a very
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healthy amount of time to fill up your guest list in one or two weeks and then yeah just kind of have
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the next week to sit and simmer send your reminder messages buy the supplies clean your house you really
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don't have to overly clean your house that's one of the biggest myths is that you have to have a
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perfect home and perfect condition shape location and there's not a lot of supplies either it's under
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a hundred dollars but three weeks is about for more advanced people two weeks but one of the biggest
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mistakes is it's monday and someone plans a party for friday there's so much wrong with that well one of
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the things wrong with that is okay first off it's short not enough time but you don't like people
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having cocktail parties on fridays or the weekends why is that friday and saturday nights at least where
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i live are socially competitive days socially competitive days of the week mean that you will
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get bumped other things will come up people are busy they have things on their calendar i suggest
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instead of these red level days to host on an easy day like a monday a tuesday or a wednesday night
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those are the three nights that i like and by the way the whole thing is two hours and so you're not
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like staying up till midnight on tuesday night and everybody has to work the party is generally two
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hours long 7 to 9 p.m approximately monday tuesday wednesday nights are easier to say yes to you get less
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of a flake rate that's the people that say they'll come but don't and i think it's just non-traditional
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it's a little bit different it also signifies that a monday night is not a crazy blackout boozer
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drink-a-thon like this is a social event it is not about the drinking or the quote partying to the
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extreme all right so you mentioned the the title of the book is the two-hour cocktail party you've put
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a hard limit on the party just two hours why the two-hour limit one of the biggest mistakes people
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make is not setting an end time to their events that causes slippage in what time people show up
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it causes an extended awkward zone the awkward zone happens at every party even the ones i still throw
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it's the first 10 15 20 minutes of an event when you haven't reached critical mass in the room when
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there's only a couple people who've shown up at a party when you set a two-hour limit people will
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show up on time number one that's very important number two it goes back to making it easy for
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people to say yes when they know this is only a two-hour party that's easy it's a small space in
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their calendar i also find that when you end things on a high note when you end things that are going well
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people think more highly of your event and then of you so i like to end my party when things are going
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well it gets people to be willing to come back they say nice things about my parties i also think
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two hours i don't know i have a short attention span two hours is good yeah and the other thing too i like
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about the limit the hard limit the hard end time is that we've all been in those parties where you're
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ready to go but you know there was no end times like well am i am i obligated to stay you can
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once it's nine o'clock you're like all right i'm out and no one's gonna say anything because that's
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what time the party was over dude i want to talk about that for a second because there is this
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feeling when you're at a party and you know when you kind of want to leave but like you don't want
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to be a vibe kill you don't want to be the guy that's like just ruining the vibe right yeah right
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and when you give your guests the excuse to leave now you don't have to end the party exactly at two
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hours but you need to make an announcement say hey everybody party was scheduled to end right now
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thank you so much for coming if you need to leave i just want to say thank you
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for everybody else we can do a last call start to wind down your conversations thank you for coming
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and i'll see you guys in a few minutes when you give them that exit that release people are
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surprisingly thankful for it for those who have to go they're so thankful hey thank you for running a
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good event i really appreciated that you ended your party on time you will be shocked and surprised
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how often that comment happens after you host a two-hour party well the other benefit of the two-hour
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party that i just thought of the reason one of the reasons why you probably get more yeses is
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because if you're a parent and you got to find a babysitter it's hard to find you can actually ask
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that 17 year old to babysit your kids like hey i'm going to be home at nine o'clock instead of this
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well i don't know when it's going to be over it could be 10 or 11 on a school night well you're not
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going to find a babysitter right right and thinking about that by the way for those listeners who have
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kids that are wondering how do i host this party with kids we could riff on that but one thing i have
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found is that if you have kids if a lot of your friends have kids a key unlock a key hack whatever
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word you want to say is to hire a babysitter to provide child care at your party if you are able
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to allows it to be even easier for your friends with kids to say yes now maybe it's not doable for
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you to hire the child care for your party then what you want to do is host a simultaneous
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kid's party in another room of the house i have a article on my website that speaks about how to
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throw a simultaneous kid's party to play a movie to get some snacks for them what to do to make that
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a success and allow those parents to have adult conversations what we don't want is for the kids
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to be running around the house it serves as a conversational crutch for the parents and they
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don't actually get to build those adult relationships that are so important that's a good point i've been to
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events where it's you know kids and parents mingling together which you know some of those can be fine
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right that's fine i i there's a i like those things but there's sometimes we just want the adult
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conversation and then yeah you see the parents like the kids will interrupt and the parents got oh i gotta
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attend to what jimmy and it just it it throws the conversation off or or the or the parents will
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you know invite their kids i think they're being well-meaning and well-intended they'll invite like you
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know their 12 year old 13 year old to the adult conversation and it completely changes what you're
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able to talk about because there's a kid there yes one thing that i have heard is that if you are
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hosting a children's birthday party if you are hosting a birthday party for one of your kids
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consider using some things from my book such as name tags for the adults when we have these birthday
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parties for our kids and all the adults show up that is a missed opportunity for the adults to meet
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new people and make new friends and i will almost guarantee you that they will not know each other's
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names at those events you'll say them but it's oftentimes forgotten a little name tag can make a lot
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of difference to helping adults make new friends and make connections even at a kid's birthday party
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yeah we'll talk about the name tags that's really interesting okay so let's talk about we talk about when to
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plan these things monday tuesday and wednesday nights are best you want to set a hard two-hour limit
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because it just increases the the opt-in for it and plus it just people like that it's short and they
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know when they can be finished with it let's talk about where to host these things where should you host
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your party for 95 of people that are listening to this the best place to host is at your home
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your house is key to building these relationships and creating connections now in certain situations
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the house is not viable but i'm going to tell you why your home is best even if you think it's too
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small or it's too far away or it's too messy first the why when you host at home it's kind of a
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vulnerable act to invite someone into your home and yet it creates this connection that's almost
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like going on a little date with someone it's so vulnerable to be welcomed into someone's home
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that you turbo charge the relationship imagine meeting somebody at a bar and the difference in
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meeting them at the bar or going to their home you get to come into their personal space which is so
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different and unique and it just doesn't happen that often
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hosting at home is also incredibly generous it's the difference of having to wait and handle a bar tab
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when people are having to buy their own drinks and things like that that is not generous and i believe
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that to build relationships you have to give before you can ask and the fact that you're giving them
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drinks and snacks when they come up to your home that's very nice hosting at home is also nice because
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you get to control who's there everybody is there that you have invited hosting at home you can
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control the music the lighting you are in charge you are the leader when it's at your home okay so
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that's the why you you mentioned a lot of people have there's some pushback why do people say well
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i want to do this but i don't want to do it my house what are the common reasons
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as i'm recording this i'm in new york city i live in austin texas in both places i have very small
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apartments and people say i have a tiny apartment a tiny house i cannot host people i don't have
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enough chairs well number one you don't want chairs if you have a large house you want to remove the
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chairs because sitting down is actually kryptonite to a successful event when people sit down they
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become locked in conversations they become a bit lazy and it's harder for people to approach
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and join those conversations so at my parties i actually want people standing much more often
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than sitting down a small space actually the energy is way better a small space is actually better than
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an enormous mansion for a party because in a small space you have that energy and excitement
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that feels more like a crowded bar it doesn't feel empty and big and ghostly like a huge mansion
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some people say oh my house is way too far away i'm in greenpoint new york i'm in such and such place
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that's 30 minutes drive what i say to that is don't make the decision for your friends as to whether
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they will drive or not test it out invite your core group you will be surprised that people will be
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willing to come to you even if it's 30 or 35 minutes away people will come for a cocktail party it is so
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hard to meet new people what you are doing is special you and your home is enough of an excuse
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to make this a special night for your friends to come join you the last thing i hear from people oh
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my house is too messy you know i've got kids i'm not the cleanest person i'll tell you what i do i'm very
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messy i have junk all over my house and i take a couple large plastic bins or some old amazon boxes
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and i kind of just clear off the countertops and put all the junk in the boxes and hide it in my closet
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i will stack things on my bed in my room and just close that room off and i tell you of many years
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hosting hundreds of parties nobody has ever barged into my room or my closet and said hey here's where
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he's storing all the junk let's go everybody we're leaving this party to start a rival house party
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nobody says that nobody's gonna be peeking around for your junk host your party at home it will
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completely turbocharge how you can build these relationships so for the people who are saying
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oh my place is too small to host a party here's an insight from henry david thoreau so we all know he
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lived in a cabin he built on walden it was 10 feet wide by 15 feet long and this is what he had to
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say about when he had visitors he had people come to his place he said this it is surprising how many
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great men and women a small house will contain i had 25 or 30 souls with their bodies at once under
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my roof yet we often parted without being aware that we had come very near to one another so if
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henry david thoreau could have 30 people in his 10 foot by 15 foot cabin you could probably have
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7 10 people in your your small apartment you can have 15 to 25 people there's this kid whose name
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is peter in new york city he hosted a cocktail party his apartment is like the size of two yoga mats
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and i have a selfie of him and everybody packed in there and they're all smiling there's a guy noah
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who's on my blog i wrote about he had 29 people in his 400 square foot apartment in chicago you will be
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surprised when everybody's standing and mixing about yeah so we've talked about where to host it at your
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home if you can't host it at your place right so there's maybe that five percent that can't do it
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where do you recommend doing it at if you cannot host at your home here are some places you can
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host it number one in a common or community space in your apartment or your neighborhood number two
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at a co-working space i have an article we'll include in show notes about how to host a good
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event if you're a digital nomad or you have access to a co-working space number three the key thing and
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the one that will help the most people if you cannot host at your home find a co-host find someone
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that has a larger space this happens way more often than you think who wants to host they say wow i got
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this beautiful house but i just never host link up with them now if you do that you need to get them
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to buy into the elements of my party formula say hey i'm gonna host this but there's some things right
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there'll be name tags we're going to do some rounds of icebreakers i'm gonna kick people out at the end
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get their buy-in for those elements and that can turbo charge having that co-host that is a major
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major accelerator on your journey all right so we got the date location time for our party set we talked
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a little bit earlier who you're going to invite so who should you invite to these cocktail parties
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and like how many people should you be inviting okay so let's start with the number of people how many
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people you need to have a minimum of 15 people to come to your party here's why 15 is important i
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have found that anything less than 15 there is not enough energy in the room you don't reach a critical
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mass for conversational collisions somebody walks into a room of 15 other people and they say wow
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i'm not going to be able to talk to everybody here like this is kind of exciting if you walk into a
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room of seven or eight people that is i don't know there's just not enough energy there i have also
00:25:09.120
found surprisingly that the more number of people actually requires less work during the party for you
00:25:16.300
as a host when i have 15 to 20 people i can kind of step aside for a little bit i am still an introvert
00:25:23.460
and i need time to recharge and during my parties i will often sneak into my room and scroll social media
00:25:29.960
for a few minutes just to take a breather and i can do that when there's 15 people when there's less
00:25:35.640
than that i need to babysit people their needs there's just there's a lot more work you have to do
00:25:41.060
as a host to monitor the room and keep people engaged more than 22 the icebreakers take too long
00:25:48.280
the logistics are complicated welcoming people name tags for a first-time host i think 15 to 20
00:25:55.100
is the right amount now to get 15 to 20 you will very likely have to invite a lot more than that
00:26:01.460
in small towns maybe not the case people don't have a lot going on and maybe you can invite 25 and
00:26:08.400
you'll get 15 to 20 to say yes in larger cities where you know maybe your relationships aren't as
00:26:14.100
strong or there's a lot more going on you will have to invite a lot more than that for your first party
00:26:20.880
who should you invite number one it's okay to invite couples so you invite one person ask them
00:26:27.020
to bring their significant other that can double the size of those that attend do not my one piece
00:26:32.920
of advice on what not to do do not reach from the top shelf for this first party say that you know
00:26:39.240
brett and you're like oh my god i really want to impress brett i hardly know him do not invite brett
00:26:44.440
to your first party your first party should be a low stakes affair where you're inviting your
00:26:49.400
friends your neighbors your work colleagues those people that you feel close to and comfortable
00:26:56.080
with that is who you should do for your first party if you're trying to use these parties for
00:27:01.280
business to impress potential clients don't do that on the first party keep it a low stakes no stress
00:27:07.460
affair we also talked earlier about this idea of a core group of invitees so who are these
00:27:12.820
core group of party invitees your core group are people that you feel comfortable around your core
00:27:19.180
group are people that if only those five people showed up you would still have a good event for
00:27:24.000
me that's like my college friends that might be my sister that might be my girlfriend and one of her
00:27:30.880
best friends it might be my neighbor who i know these two guys that are my neighbors and i would invite
00:27:36.400
them because i see them a lot it's not a big lift that's the five people that you feel close to
00:27:42.340
who you know would show up on time you know will maybe laugh at your jokes who who just you can count
00:27:49.420
on and that's what i consider your core group you're going to test whether your party date and time are
00:27:55.160
good by texting your core group a message like hey david i'm thinking of hosting a cocktail party
00:28:00.920
on tuesday night march 14th at my apartment from 7 to 9 p.m if i do it would you come that's the key
00:28:08.920
phrase to your core group and you're not going to plan your party until you get five yeses from
00:28:14.500
that core group yeah the core group's kind of like the the sourdough starter the kombucha starter yes
00:28:19.960
yes yes so after you get this core group these are the five people you know who are going to show up
00:28:24.540
what other sorts of people should you start inviting to get that 15 after your core group you get those
00:28:30.560
five yeses now you want to get 10 great guests these are everybody else at your party they might be
00:28:37.160
the person you worked with at your last job two years ago and you haven't talked to them in a while
00:28:42.280
this might be somebody that you went to high school or college with and you haven't talked to them in a
00:28:46.460
little while might be your neighbors that you don't know as well it might be a friend of a friend that
00:28:51.620
you've been meaning to meet up with a coffee could be somebody at the gym that you see all the time
00:28:55.980
and you say hey i'm hosting a cocktail party with some of my friends on tuesday night use this phrase by
00:29:02.620
the way can i send you the info you don't want to say do you want to come will you come it's not the
00:29:07.700
same as with your core group for a great guest you're going to say can i send you the info and
00:29:12.100
then you're going to send them the little page that you'll create which by the way you have to collect
00:29:16.220
rsvps but that's that wider net of people who you cast more of into the acquaintance and less of a
00:29:22.280
friend and then at a certain point when you've gotten good at the hosting you can start asking those
00:29:27.140
vips to come as well yes and that is the biggest thing that you can use these parties for is to
00:29:32.760
connect with vips if you truly want to build good relationships i think you have to be able to give
00:29:38.860
value first the secret i found is that everybody wants to be invited to a party i've given thousands
00:29:46.360
of party invites and nobody has ever said uh no do not send me the info for this free party that
00:29:53.460
you're hosting with free drinks snacks and interesting people nobody said that yeah and i
00:29:58.060
imagine those vips they're probably getting invited to things all the time and oftentimes they might say
00:30:03.980
no because they're like well it's it's high stakes i'm going to feel proud but if you if you're good
00:30:08.320
at hosting these parties you can present it to them like hey we have this thing on the regular we've
00:30:12.660
got interesting people in our community we'd love to have you if you if you can make it it'd be awesome
00:30:17.300
and they might be more likely to say yes to that one big thing i found is that when i take a picture
00:30:24.700
at my parties i always snap a group photo and in my book it talks about exactly at what time to snap
00:30:32.020
your group photo i think probably about 30 minutes before your party is scheduled to end you would snap
00:30:37.020
a group photo the group photo is helpful number one to follow up with everybody the next morning hey
00:30:42.240
everybody thanks for coming here's our group photo and then number two i use that group photo when i
00:30:47.300
plan my next parties when i invite vips to show them what these parties look like the people who attend
00:30:53.380
it is social proof that this is a good event and so those parties reaching out to the vips the other
00:31:00.420
piece of advice i found is that if you're inviting vips because they are very busy i will invite them to
00:31:06.880
multiple events and give them i say hey i host these cocktail parties i get together some interesting
00:31:12.700
people as well as my closest friends in the city would you like to come sometime here's my next two
00:31:18.180
and i'll tell them the date and the time of the next two and i found a much higher success ratio in
00:31:23.560
getting people to come when i gave them multiple dates let's say someone wants to start hosting these
00:31:29.180
parties they want to make friends but they don't have friends yet because they're maybe they're new to the
00:31:33.080
city they don't have that core so how do you how do you do that i mean how do you start developing that
00:31:37.880
core group you can start inviting so you can get these things going so if you absolutely have zero
00:31:43.540
friends this is a little bit out of my zone of expertise i can tell you what i have done and what
00:31:50.040
i've worked with people on but i will give the little warning that these parties work best when you have
00:31:57.040
at least five friends five people you know that can be part of that core group if you know absolutely
00:32:02.420
no one you still need to pick a date and time give yourself more more of a party runway so instead
00:32:09.240
of three weeks let's say four weeks you're now going to set that date and time let's say it's a
00:32:14.220
tuesday night from 7 to 9 p.m you are now going to start to go to events in your local town or
00:32:20.620
community a lot of people tell you this this is not new advice but i would say that going to a yoga
00:32:25.640
class a workout class a sports event think about you basically have two opportunities to meet people
00:32:31.580
that's in the five or ten minutes before the yoga class starts and the five or ten minutes after
00:32:36.340
and at each of those interactions you can really only meet one person you're not going to jump around
00:32:42.000
the room inviting tons of people that's just going to look or feel weird in my experience
00:32:45.820
so you can go to events like this you can look up groups around your hobbies you can join a sports team
00:32:52.880
you can go and literally pass out flyers in your neighborhood or slide them under the doors of your
00:32:58.300
a guy named richard in calgary canada did this he moved to a new apartment building literally knew
00:33:05.720
nobody and put up flyers hey i'm hosting a housewarming party he slid them under the doors
00:33:11.080
he put up signs in the common areas and he invited his neighbors to come and that helped him build a core
00:33:17.960
group the other advice i tell people is that like i love diversity at my parties and diversity extends to
00:33:25.800
the occupations i don't mind inviting the barista of the cafe that i go to i don't mind inviting folks
00:33:33.740
that work at the library things like that saying this thing to them hey i just moved to town i'm meeting
00:33:40.860
these interesting people i'm hosting a party just it's hard to make new friends as adults can i send you
00:33:46.200
the information if you are new to town you can lean on that as part of your introductions i'm new to town
00:33:53.820
i'm meeting all these interesting people i'm new to town i'm trying to meet some new people
00:33:58.700
people respect that you have just moved to town why because it's a vote in their favor you have moved
00:34:05.120
to their town you think that their town is the best place that you can possibly live and they will
00:34:10.640
respect and appreciate that that idea that you're new to town do not feel shy to lean into that we're
00:34:16.860
going to take a quick break for your words from our sponsors and now back to the show so you got
00:34:25.340
your people you're going to invite how do you invite them like what's the best way is it a mass message
00:34:29.700
or do you invite people one by one this is so key you have to invite people one-on-one i will say to
00:34:36.700
them hey i'm hosting an event on tuesday night in three weeks can i send you the info i get them to say
00:34:43.980
yes before i invite them to the party why is this important it's a double opt-in introduction i'm
00:34:51.500
getting them to say yes sort of and it boosts the attendance rate i'm trying to sort of make it a
00:34:57.160
little hard for somebody to rsvp to the party because i don't want a large flake ratio i don't
00:35:03.960
want a lot of people who say that they are going to come and then to not show up so how do i invite
00:35:09.240
them say that i knew somebody i hadn't seen them in two or three years from work from my last job
00:35:14.000
i'd send them a message like this i'd say hey john haven't chatted in a while i'm hosting a happy hour
00:35:19.540
here in town at my apartment on this date and time i'm getting together folks i used to work with my
00:35:26.240
neighbors and my friends from sports can i send you the info hope you're well and having a great year i
00:35:32.440
would send out a bunch of little messages like that to gauge the interest once they say yes then you're
00:35:38.220
going to say hey great here's the information please rsvp here and you need to get them to sign
00:35:44.060
up on your little event page i think this is very very important now there's a few platforms that
00:35:51.560
will do free events i don't like using facebook events anymore five years ago i did but now i don't
00:35:57.260
now i use this one tool that's called mixily gen z loves this one called partyful you could use
00:36:04.060
paperless post the important thing is you just want a free simple service that folks can just
00:36:08.280
make their commitment to attend your party it creates a little social contract and then when
00:36:13.360
you display the guest list it also shows social proof that other people will be attending your
00:36:18.380
party yeah that social proof is important before you do the rsvp you want to make sure you're you're
00:36:23.080
that core group you're going to show up because like nothing nothing's a vibe killer then you send
00:36:27.440
out the rsvp and like zero people have checked in that they're going to come yes yes it's like the old
00:36:33.040
days of facebook events where it's like 97 invited three yes and you're like wait a second what's
00:36:39.500
going on with this party so i talk a lot about social proof and i think the reason why is that
00:36:44.960
the purpose of these parties is to meet new people your friends will want to come and be happy that they
00:36:51.480
came because they will meet so many people and the party is structured in a way that there are a lot of
00:36:57.780
little conversations happening that's what makes these parties successful
00:37:01.720
and the other thing you do as the event gets closer with that events page you will actually
00:37:06.880
you like put bios of some of the people who've committed to coming and that can be useful because
00:37:12.040
it allows people who are going to see okay who's going to be here i have an idea who's going to be
00:37:15.740
there but also for the people who have been on the fence maybe they'll see oh wow there's gonna be
00:37:20.840
some cool people there i'm gonna opt in now because i saw that bio on the event page dude the bios are
00:37:26.640
my secret weapon the bios are i use them in my reminder messages by the way you need to send three
00:37:33.520
reminder messages one that's about a week before your party one that's three or four days before your
00:37:40.160
party and the other the morning of your party but these guest bios that you mentioned are brief
00:37:46.720
little anecdotes or summaries or talking points about half or more of all of your guests they could be
00:37:54.440
as simple as jim is my neighbor he has a golden retriever i think he works in tech they could be
00:38:04.080
as detailed as saying like you know brett hosts a podcast ask him about some of his recent guests
00:38:10.300
we met through the internet right they're not long detailed things but they're little blurbs about people
00:38:16.600
that give the attendees conversational access points and i'll tell you why they're important
00:38:21.040
probably half of the people you'll invite could be introverts some of them have social anxiety
00:38:26.940
seeing this list of who is going to be there makes people so excited to attend it gives them the
00:38:34.240
confidence to create these new conversations and like you said if somebody's on the fence it really
00:38:40.500
ensures that they actually will show up and some people might think that the reminders is overkill but
00:38:46.080
as someone who's like i've i've organized events for different things it is not overkill you cannot
00:38:51.120
over communicate because people are getting inundated with all sorts of emails text messages
00:38:56.680
so stuff slips through the cracks and so uh you have to over communicate because chances are they're
00:39:02.760
going to miss maybe one or two of those reminders you said in hundreds of parties that i have hosted i have
00:39:09.580
never had somebody say hey you were spamming me too much with these reminder messages instead i consistently
00:39:17.320
receive over a 90 attendance rate of those that are going to come what's the downside the downside of
00:39:24.680
this is yes maybe you send one too many message but it takes somebody five seconds to move on from an
00:39:29.800
email message the upside is that you show that you are a host who cares in this age of like too cool to
00:39:37.080
care you are showing that you are someone putting thought and effort into the planning of this social
00:39:43.520
experience in this cocktail party happy hour you show that you're a host who cares and people
00:39:49.840
appreciate the heck out of it you're going to be seen as a super connector and people are going to
00:39:54.600
look at your hosting skills like you're a magician when all you did is just host a cocktail party it's
00:39:59.520
amazing i was talking about supplies we kind of mentioned it it's not much uh some cups some drinks
00:40:05.020
uh some snacks and you know like you don't want anything that's warm you have to warm up nuts are
00:40:10.320
great maybe a cheese platter that's it like it's not a hundred bucks max is what you have to spend on
00:40:16.060
these things hundred bucks max the bar by the way is a self-serve bar so you're just going to buy some
00:40:22.040
liquor and some mixers and some non-alcoholic options people love seltzers one thing that i added in
00:40:28.160
the last week of finishing my book to the list of supplies was grapes i would encourage anybody listening
00:40:34.380
that sounds so silly but in all these calls i do with people the next day i always ask what snacks
00:40:39.720
got eaten what snacks didn't get eaten everybody eats the grapes grapes are such a good party snack
00:40:44.880
and that and the harmonica i think are my two things that i'm like that's so weird why include this so
00:40:52.160
let's talk about a few things you mentioned harmonicas we'll talk about that later but first
00:40:56.060
name tags people are gonna think i'm crazy it's all right let's talk about the name tags so you actually
00:41:01.900
you make your guests wear name tags now people might be like wow this is like a cocktail party
00:41:06.900
like grandpa in the 1950s in his right right his coat like suit like he wouldn't be wearing a name
00:41:12.100
tag why do you make your guests wear a name tag i talked to a kid yesterday who's hosting a brunch
00:41:17.020
on sunday and he was like all right i've listened to everything i don't know about the name tags i don't
00:41:22.780
want this to feel too formal i don't know if my friends will be up so i said well what's the purpose
00:41:26.820
of your brunch said well i'm having about 20 people over it's kind of a housewarming
00:41:29.740
i said well do you know everybody's name he said yeah of course i said does everybody else know
00:41:35.160
everybody's name he said oh no no i guess not name tags are important because while you may know
00:41:41.060
everybody's name and know that they know your name they do not know everybody else's names and here's
00:41:47.000
why it's helpful when you have name tags you will show that this is not a party of clicks this is not
00:41:54.400
a click out party with your work friends together your hockey friends together and your neighbors
00:42:01.040
all mixing when we wear a name tag it serves as like a sports uniform that we're all on the same team
00:42:09.760
that this is a safe space to go meet new people it makes it easier you don't have to remember all
00:42:15.660
these different names i'm bad with names and ultimately that's why i started using these name tags
00:42:20.380
but i have found that like this is the one thing name tags make it easier to talk to new people
00:42:28.460
the whole purpose of this party is for your friends to meet other friends remember you have to give
00:42:34.120
before you can ask for anything to build relationships when you do name tags even at house parties
00:42:39.980
it will make it such a conducive environment to create new conversations and make it easier for
00:42:46.760
people just to go up and speak to somebody new yeah it's a good point because i think a lot of
00:42:50.680
conversation when you're starting off with someone you don't know a lot of it's just spent what's
00:42:56.480
your name and then you have to spend all this time this bandwidth in your brain i gotta remember
00:43:00.320
saying their name over okay it's jeff it's jeff it's jeff it's jeff uh and then you're not in the
00:43:04.660
conversation because when it finally turns to you you're like oh my gosh i don't even know what
00:43:07.780
they're talking about because i'm still trying to remember jeff's name here yes i'm i'm so bad with
00:43:12.560
names i went to this one event that was in new york and there was the ceo it was a woman who
00:43:18.220
started a company multi-million dollar pr firm and she remembered my name she called me from across
00:43:23.400
room nick oh my god it's so good to see you and i was like a deer caught in the headlights i had
00:43:28.900
forgotten her name it was obvious that i had forgotten her name i could have solved it by saying
00:43:34.540
like oh my god it's so good to see you remind me what your name is again but honestly this had been
00:43:38.640
several years that i had casually seen her at social events i was mortified and that could have
00:43:44.880
been solved with a simple name tag and with the name tag um you you actually write the name for
00:43:51.540
your guest when they come in correct like you don't let the guest write their own name why is that
00:43:55.820
yeah yeah it's a small thing and i have a lot of specific preferences for example first names only
00:44:02.220
big block letters i think you should write the name tag when your guests come in it gives you a way
00:44:07.980
to welcome everybody to sort of establish yourself as the party leader it gives you a chance one-on-one
00:44:15.360
when i write the name tags hey what's up what's your name thanks for coming alex alex alex here's
00:44:21.440
your name tag alex go over to the bar see john he'll help you find a drink but thank you so much
00:44:26.440
for coming today it gives me a chance one-on-one to have a connection with every single person who
00:44:31.640
attends gotcha so let's talk about those early moments so you have a start time that you want people
00:44:37.060
to be there on time and the two-hour limit encourages that but there's always gonna be
00:44:41.060
those moments where you just have two three people and it's like you're 10 minutes in that's kind of
00:44:47.920
awkward you're like well what am i supposed to do so how do you handle that awkwardness when there's
00:44:52.600
just a few guests and it's just you and them number one know that this awkward zone happens at every
00:44:58.480
single party i'll give you some tools and tips how to get out of the awkward zone but one know that it
00:45:04.080
happens and that it's normal number two a way to ease the awkward zone is to ask some of those
00:45:10.520
people in your core group to arrive five or ten minutes early okay now even though they are your
00:45:16.600
best friends they will still probably show up late so maybe ask them 15 or 20 minutes to come early
00:45:21.460
but you can ask them to show up early and say hey look i just want some friendly faces around the
00:45:26.420
room when other people start to show up that will help the room feel a little more welcome and
00:45:30.820
comfortable number three what does everybody say when they show up and they're one of the first to
00:45:35.060
arrive they say how can i help well be ready to give them a way that they can help i have a list in
00:45:41.560
my book of things they can do to help but some of those are help me with the coat check this is where
00:45:46.720
people hang up their jackets can you help them help people get a drink john will you help for the
00:45:51.600
first 15 minutes i'll send people over to you to grab a drink you can ask somebody to be the
00:45:57.660
photographer tyler um can you take pictures tonight i always forget to take pictures can
00:46:02.220
you take photos be ready to delegate duties to some of those first arrivals that is a key thing
00:46:08.860
and why because now they'll feel invested in the success of your party some people by the way won't
00:46:14.000
want to help with drinks oh i don't not really that's okay say no problem thanks so much just hang
00:46:19.340
out over here and make yourself comfortable and i'll see you in a few minutes giving people duties and
00:46:24.520
things that they can do at the beginning is helpful and then number four do your first icebreaker
00:46:30.660
when you have about four or five people you're going to lead this first round of icebreakers
00:46:35.820
mostly for you to practice that first icebreaker is just for you to practice because many people have
00:46:42.140
never led an icebreaker before never mind at their home and so you'll lead an icebreaker to help you
00:46:47.220
exit the awkward zone when you have four or five people that first icebreaker by the way you're
00:46:52.960
just going to go around the room hey everybody just say your name say what you do for work and
00:46:57.260
if you have enough time then maybe you'll do one more thing but that's how to exit the awkward zone
00:47:01.320
and manage that first 10 to 20 minutes again however when you host a two-hour cocktail party
00:47:07.480
you will be shocked at how many people show up on time compared to normal parties with no end time
00:47:13.500
when people show up 30 45 minutes even an hour late very common so let's talk about these icebreakers
00:47:19.900
so i think a lot of people they hear icebreakers they think summer camp or they think some corporate
00:47:24.420
retreat and they're like i don't like icebreakers so uh why do you incorporate icebreakers in your
00:47:30.420
party and how are they different from maybe the ones they might have done at some office retreat
00:47:35.000
i think icebreakers get a bad rep because a lot of people do them wrong i hate though say a fun fact
00:47:41.020
about yourself or um two truths and a lie i think about icebreakers as green yellow red level of
00:47:48.540
intensity or vulnerability and many people will start with a red level which is totally wrong
00:47:54.880
they'll ask what was your worst first date what was your first kiss or something like that that's a
00:47:58.940
terrible icebreaker that is terrible i will start my parties with a green level icebreaker now a green
00:48:06.160
level icebreaker an example is what is one of your favorite things to eat for breakfast that may sound
00:48:12.220
silly or stupid but i promise you having led thousands of icebreakers this works a hundred percent of the
00:48:18.180
time here's why it is easy to remember it does not require a lot of thought there is minimal judgment
00:48:26.920
and it ever so slightly expresses something about somebody's personality the answer is also generally
00:48:33.380
very short now some people don't eat breakfast and they can say why they don't eat breakfast that's
00:48:37.900
fine but the breakfast icebreaker is good at the beginning of a party when there's not a lot of
00:48:43.280
rapport built up and you can just share for example mine would be i like scrambled eggs my secret
00:48:49.420
ingredient is coconut oil it really fluffens them up sometimes i'll add spinach to them now note that
00:48:55.860
what i said was what is one of your favorite breakfasts i didn't say what is your absolute
00:49:00.780
favorite thing to eat i just want to know what's one of your go-to's similarly if you were to ask as an
00:49:07.580
icebreaker later on what is your favorite book that's not a good example that's definitive it's
00:49:13.260
subjective and it really will elicit judgment people want to know what's the best book i want
00:49:19.040
to sound smart what's my absolute favorite people freeze up the way to modify that would be to say
00:49:25.060
what is one of your favorite books what is a book you have read recently allow them to pick so they
00:49:31.220
don't feel like they're going to be judged on their favorite gotcha so the icebreakers i mean what are
00:49:36.460
the purpose like why do you do these in the first place why not just let people just start getting
00:49:40.080
together and talking like why why facilitate this yeah i'm sorry i jumped in too much to the logistics
00:49:45.720
let's talk about the why you got to tell people why you're doing the icebreakers and the purpose is that
00:49:51.000
it's a conversational crutch it's an excuse to go up and talk to somebody new but more importantly
00:49:56.180
it's a survey of the room i got tired of going to these events in new york 20 people in the room i don't
00:50:03.220
know who i need to talk to to help my business if i'm trying to network you want people to say a
00:50:08.800
little about themselves are you a parent you probably want to talk to other parents you have a unique life
00:50:14.340
situation are you working on a startup are you hiring you probably want to talk to other people
00:50:19.700
that relate to that an icebreaker serves as a little roll call around the room to know who's there
00:50:26.540
and to inspire some new connections and conversations it also has a secret purpose
00:50:32.100
when you break the room for an icebreaker you bring an end to existing conversations have you ever been
00:50:38.620
at a party and you get trapped in conversation after five minutes you're kind of done talking to
00:50:43.980
this person but you're just not ready to say okay well thank you very much i think i'm ready
00:50:49.160
to go meet some other people no it happened to me once i went to an event and i got stuck talking
00:50:53.900
to this person for the entire thing and i wasn't able to and i i should have been more assertive
00:50:59.100
like i want to go talk to other people but they just kept talking and talking and talking and by
00:51:03.960
that point i that was the only person i talked to dude that happens to all of us that happens to me
00:51:09.360
even and i was hosting an event here in new york city and i had to train a bunch of facilitators
00:51:14.740
and they said how do i leave the conversation after i do the icebreaker what do i leave
00:51:20.120
and i said well i just say something like this hey thank you so much it was really nice to meet you
00:51:24.980
i'm gonna go mix around the room and mingle with some other people and this guy followed up with me
00:51:30.080
the next day he said i never knew that you could say that i thought that you just wait till the
00:51:35.800
conversation dies and the other person leaves or something i never knew that you could end a
00:51:41.020
conversation like that that little thing nobody really teaches us this stuff but the icebreakers
00:51:46.800
does the host this you're kind of helping people with that in the conversation they might be in so
00:51:50.640
you're doing these like every every 30 minutes or so is that right roughly every 25 minutes or so
00:51:56.560
you're gonna do two and a half icebreakers so that first one i call it the half one that's at about
00:52:01.640
let's say your party starts at seven that's at 7 10 or so about 20 minutes later at 7 30 you're
00:52:08.760
gonna do the full the the first big icebreaker with everybody that'll take five or seven minutes
00:52:14.360
about 35 or 40 minutes later you'll do your last icebreaker of the night and that's that that one
00:52:20.960
by the way is your value additive icebreaker should i talk about that one sure yeah how that is and
00:52:26.340
again i think when you're doing these you're having people stand in a circle and you're just going
00:52:30.060
around all right show your name and then answer the question about your favorite breakfast food
00:52:33.540
that's kind of what it looks like and you want them to be fast you don't want to let people talk
00:52:37.000
forever and ever just like you got to be done in 30 seconds you maybe even set that time limit for people
00:52:41.340
dude i'm so glad you mentioned this because you need a sense of urgency when you're running these
00:52:46.660
a good icebreaker is a fast icebreaker and you need to be looking at everybody thanking them oh thank you
00:52:52.800
john let's go to gina next you need to be directing keep the pace going yeah keep the pace going and yes
00:52:59.000
you have to have everybody stand up and get them in a circle hey everybody let's all stand up in a
00:53:03.720
circle real quick i promise this won't be awkward we're gonna do this icebreaker to give you an
00:53:08.200
excuse to meet somebody new i found it so great to meet new people and doing this party that's the
00:53:13.860
reason why i brought you all together bear with me let's go around the circle say your name what you
00:53:18.360
do for work if you don't want to talk about work then you can say how you spend your days or something
00:53:23.120
a hobby that you have well that and also that's what the harmonica is for right that's the to get
00:53:27.960
their attention right you mentioned the harmonica i know i mentioned the harmonica and i hesitate
00:53:32.620
to bring it up because i don't want somebody to totally blow me off but i have found that at a
00:53:39.080
large event with 15 17 people in my apartment i was always yelling above the crowd i turned the music
00:53:45.860
down i'm clanking a glass i'm yelling hey everybody hey quiet quiet quiet and i tried all these different
00:53:53.940
things to get people to be quiet and i don't know how to play the harmonica i'm i don't have a musical
00:53:58.780
hair on my body but i somehow had a harmonica and i just blow a little tone in the harmonica like a
00:54:05.700
whistle but much softer and that noise which is a little calming helps people to quiet down and to
00:54:13.460
be like what is this it's also playful and it's silly i am not going to talk anymore about the
00:54:18.580
harmonica for fear of totally losing people but i have i will swear by it it's in my book i have videos
00:54:25.020
on my website on how to do it it works you got to do it so you mentioned the value add for that last
00:54:29.300
icebreaker what what are you doing there for the value add so the value add icebreaker let me give
00:54:34.740
the three questions i guess i'll start though and say the why you want your last icebreaker for people
00:54:40.860
to get smarter you want them to get ideas or suggestions of things in town or stuff they want
00:54:46.300
to do so that they leave your party feeling smarter okay i don't want to know somebody's worst job
00:54:53.360
they ever had that's not value add a value add icebreaker for me is one of these three number one
00:54:59.480
what is the best piece of media or one of the best pieces of media that you've consumed recently
00:55:05.580
that could be a podcast like the art of manliness that could be a book that you read
00:55:09.740
it could be a movie you watched a show you binged on netflix just what's some good media that you've
00:55:16.980
consumed okay that's great people love to get these recommendations and they're often trying to write
00:55:22.280
them down and they leave with all these good ideas that's number one another one that you could
00:55:26.720
use is what is one of your favorite purchases you've made over the last few months for a hundred
00:55:33.700
dollars or less that could be a kitchen gadget it could be an object or an experience it could be a
00:55:40.180
massage it could be a tour it could be a new you know blender thing you got but people love this one
00:55:46.120
as well they love hearing these types of things and then the last one that i like is what is your
00:55:51.220
favorite city or life hack for the town that we're in say we're in st louis what's your favorite dog
00:55:57.180
park in st louis local business you like to support what's your favorite little thing about this town
00:56:02.580
that we might not know or that you're just passionate about i do these icebreakers by the way for this
00:56:07.500
last one you're going to want to give people about a five minute warning before you do it hey everybody
00:56:13.080
in five minutes we're going to do the last icebreaker of the night the question will be you tell them the
00:56:18.600
question you say grab another refill use the restroom if you need to freshen up we'll do that last icebreaker
00:56:23.520
in five minutes by the way that's yet another chance for people to end their conversations
00:56:29.520
i'm constantly at the party looking to mix the room up i want to see movement in my parties
00:56:37.000
okay so let's talk you've done the icebreaker the party in time is coming near how do you end a party
00:56:43.840
and why is it important that you end right on time and like what do you do with those people who
00:56:48.360
they can't get the hint they're sort of lingering around let's start with why why do you end the
00:56:53.180
party because like we said you want to finish the party on a high note you want to bring finality
00:56:57.120
you want to be the leader of your event you don't want it naturally just to fizzle out you want to
00:57:02.360
sort of end it with authority and finish it up on a high note how do you do that number one by setting
00:57:08.120
the expectations in the invitations in the rsvp you'll be listing a start time and the end time
00:57:14.440
when people know that there's the end time they know they have an idea you wouldn't surprise people
00:57:19.340
to say hey show up to my party at seven and then suddenly you say that it's ending they'll know when
00:57:24.620
you list the start time and the end time now how do you end the party 15 minutes before the party's
00:57:30.140
scheduled to finish i'll make a little announcement i'll turn down the music i'll say hey everybody
00:57:35.260
party's scheduled to end about 15 minutes i guess this is last call so make a last drink grab some
00:57:41.520
snacks if you want say hey to somebody new or start to wrap up your conversations we'll wind down in
00:57:46.520
about 15 minutes i then we'll you know turn the music back up when the party's scheduled to end i'll
00:57:52.340
turn the music down i'll turn the lights up and i'll make an announcement thank you guys so much for
00:57:56.560
coming the reason that i hosted this party was to bring people together i've met so many interesting
00:58:01.540
people it's hard to stay in touch i hope you got a chance to meet somebody new
00:58:04.980
thank you everybody and i'll see you next time then i kind of just start to clean up and start
00:58:10.840
to tidy and people get the hint and start to make their way out now what you need to be aware of is
00:58:15.700
sometimes someone will be there who hasn't had a chance to talk to you they haven't seen you in
00:58:20.100
years and they'll say something brett oh my god i i didn't get to talk to you all night let's do let's
00:58:26.320
catch up let's sit down and what i will say to them because i'm kind of strict on my stuff i'll say
00:58:31.980
dude i i am so glad you came tonight i would love to catch up i haven't seen you in forever
00:58:36.760
i want to stick to my goals with this and i need to wrap up tonight can i call you tomorrow because
00:58:42.860
i want to stay in touch and i want to see what's up and what's new with you may i call you tomorrow
00:58:46.840
that will get the person to feel seen and they will not feel like you're being dismissive of them
00:58:52.840
one final thing you can do is if people are really having a great time you can plan ahead
00:58:58.720
with a venue that they can go to next you can give them a name of a local restaurant or a bar or
00:59:04.300
something if you live in a town where those things are nearby hey everybody thank you so much for
00:59:08.360
coming tonight folks are gonna keep going next door at beat nick so if you want meet us down at the
00:59:14.860
bar there i'm gonna start to wrap up here because i got my goals to finish on time but if you want to
00:59:19.880
keep chatting i encourage you to go down to beat nick and you can have a drink or a slice of pizza
00:59:24.920
down there that's generally how you wrap up the party so you've successfully had your first party
00:59:30.240
any follow-up you need to do after the party's over like the next day or the next few days i send a
00:59:34.860
simple thank you the next morning where i include the group photo again just keeping it sort of top of
00:59:40.460
mind if people want to follow up or if they forget anything i would note that if you're using these
00:59:45.300
parties to try to build relationships you really only have about 16 hours after your party ends
00:59:52.000
to try to create and deepen that next connection so if i'm trying to connect with somebody i will
00:59:58.380
invite them to my party and that day at the party itself i'll say hey i'd love to get to know you
01:00:03.540
better can we schedule a coffee for sometime later this week or next week or the next morning john
01:00:09.340
thank you for coming last night i'd love to chat more um can i call you later today or tomorrow
01:00:13.800
that is the time when you would make that ask all right within 16 hours if you wait too long it gets
01:00:18.660
cold it gets stale yeah that's not 17 hours i just say the half-life of what somebody owes you kind
01:00:28.440
of after a party life goes on and if you expect to follow up with somebody one week after your party
01:00:33.520
and them to be ultra responsive to your invitation i haven't found that i found that the next
01:00:39.280
morning is a good time for me to follow up next afternoon is fine but if i wait you know two days
01:00:44.440
afterwards life goes on you know folks are busy they have work family friends and i imagine the
01:00:50.020
next thing too besides that follow-up is start planning your next party if possible if you are
01:00:56.440
excited and many people are keep the momentum going and pick your next party date even if it's six to
01:01:03.000
eight weeks out get that date on your calendar why because now you'll have it when you meet
01:01:09.100
somebody interesting you're like hey i'm hosting a cocktail party in six weeks once i get everything
01:01:13.860
together can i send you the info and this is the thing you go through life and you just start
01:01:18.640
collecting interesting people that you get to bring into your world well nick this has been a great
01:01:23.780
conversation where can people go to learn more about the book in your work the name of my book is the
01:01:28.540
two hour cocktail party it's available wherever books are sold online i recorded the audiobook i'm very
01:01:34.640
proud of it and then i have a ton of resources on this website i'll try to include notes in the show
01:01:40.020
notes i'm very big on social media i love posting stories and funny videos so you can check me out i'm
01:01:45.480
at nick gray news n-i-c-k-g-r-a-y news n-e-w-s and i have a really cool friends newsletter oh and if you
01:01:55.040
want to download a executive summary of my book a checklist of 17 things you can do before your next
01:02:01.200
party sign up for a newsletter nickgray.net and you'll get that pdf download right away fantastic
01:02:08.020
well nick gray thanks for your time it's been a pleasure thanks more parties let's do it my guest
01:02:13.220
here is nick gray he's the author of the book the two hour cocktail party it's available on amazon.com
01:02:17.460
you can find more information about his work at his website nickgray.net also check out our show
01:02:21.700
notes at aom.is party where you can find links to resources where we delve deeper into this topic
01:02:25.980
well that wraps up another edition of the aom podcast make sure to check out our website at
01:02:37.160
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01:02:40.800
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01:03:13.100
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