It's the day after the big Republican Debates, and we will break it all down for you. Plus, I get into a Twitter war with Patton Oswalt, and Miley Cyrus makes a very special appearance that will leave you gagging. Plus, we have a Things I Hate segment featuring a special guest you won't want to miss. Ben Shapiro gives his thoughts on the debate and gives his quick grades to all the candidates, including Donald Trump, Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, John Kasich, and Rand Paul. And, of course, there's still time for a special "Things I Hate" segment with a guest you don't want you to miss! Enjoy, and tweet me if you have any thoughts or reactions to the debate or the things you hate about it. Timestamps: 5:00 - What was the biggest takeaway from the debate? 6:30 - Who was the best in the first half? 7:15 - Who did the most damage? 8:00 9:30 What did Marco Rubio do? 11:00 -- What did John Kasich do? 13:30 -- How did Jeb Bush do better? 15:15 16:15 -- What's going on with Rand Paul? 17:00 | Who's the real threat to Donald Trump? 18:30 | Lindsey Graham? 19:40 -- Is Lindsey Graham a threat to the president? 21:00-- Is Donald Trump a threat? 22:10 -- What does the president really represent? 26: What's the problem? 27: Does the president represent the Muslim faith? 29:00: Should we go to Egypt? 30:00 Do we work together in this country? 35:00 Is this guy really represent the faith in the Muslim religion? 36:00 // 33:00 Does he represent the whole world? 37:00 Can we go back to the Middle East in the streets? 39:00 + 38:00 What do we do to the Muslim people? 45:00 We don't dance on the streets in a dance in this song? 41: Is this a coup? 47:00 Should we dance in dancing in dance in the street? 44: Does this guy dance in my head? 46:00 This is a coup for me dance on my feet? Theme song by Ian Dorsch?
00:00:32.000I can give my quick debate grades here and go through all the candidates, even though only a few of them are relevant.
00:00:38.000Donald Trump gets an A. The reason that Donald Trump did well last night is because Donald Trump is, as I've always said, a hammer in search of a nail.
00:00:44.000He found more nails than puppies last night.
00:00:48.000Rubio, Marco Rubio, and Ted Cruz were busy slapping at each other, and Chris Christie was busy slapping at Rand Paul, and Rand Paul was busy slapping at Marco Rubio, and John Kasich was busy being the most self-important, obnoxious windbag anybody's ever met.
00:01:01.000So no one cares about John Kasich, and no one knows why he's there, aside from doing the karate chop hands and just raging against the machine.
00:01:07.000So there's a lot to get to here, but the only thing that really matters is that nothing really touched Trump.
00:01:17.000The only person who went after Trump at all was Jeb Bush, and that ended extraordinarily poorly for Jeb Bush, as we will get to in just a moment.
00:01:25.000So Trump gets an A. I gave Ted Cruz a B. He should have done better.
00:01:29.000He didn't do as well because he got drawn into these long exchanges with Marco Rubio that we'll talk about.
00:01:34.000Rubio, I gave a C, and that's because Rubio's always smooth, but that smoothness is a problem for him because
00:01:40.000If you're sort of the white knight in shining armor, for lack of a better term, and you're the guy who can't be touched, you're the brand new car, fresh off the lot, the scratch, the dent on you looks a lot bigger than the guy who's been through the mill a couple of times like Ted Cruz.
00:01:53.000So the fact that Rubio actually got hit in the face a couple of times last night by Rand Paul and by Ted Cruz and by Donald Trump,
00:02:01.000He lost a little bit of the sheen, and so that was not good for him, which in turn means that Chris Christie did better than he was supposed to do.
00:02:09.000I didn't think he was great by any stretch of the imagination, but he was helped by the fact that everyone was attacking Rubio.
00:02:15.000Rand Paul had a good debate, mainly because he served as a tool to whack at Marco Rubio, and he did so quite effectively, actually, on the Gang of Eight immigration bill, which, for some reason, Rubio had been able to escape up till now in the debate.
00:02:28.000For all of this, Donald Trump is just sitting off to the side of the room and laughing and laughing and chortling like the fat lion that he is.
00:02:36.000And eventually, Jeb Bush tries to prod him with a stick and that prompts all the entertainment value.
00:02:40.000So let's go through this a little bit.
00:02:44.000The early debate was a bunch of known names as Lindsey Graham and George Pataki and Rick Santorum and Mike Huckabee, who will probably drop out.
00:02:51.000His support will probably go to Ted Cruz.
00:02:53.000Lindsey Graham represents a wing of the party that is sort of the anti-Donald Trump on foreign policy.
00:02:58.000And that is, we're really hardcore on security.
00:03:01.000We will get involved in foreign entanglements.
00:03:19.000But he's just so irritating, there's no way to contain it.
00:03:21.000So here's Lindsey Graham, the senator from South Carolina, being wildly irritating and looking more and more, as always, like that guy from Jabba the Hutt's palace, you know, the guy with the big tentacle around his neck, and that's sort of what Lindsey Graham looks like.
00:03:33.000So here we go, Lindsey Graham, the senator from South Carolina.
00:03:36.000Donald Trump has done the one single thing you cannot do.
00:04:40.000So, those are basically his slogans, right?
00:04:44.000It's F all you all, meaning you attack me, I'm gonna attack you.
00:04:47.000I don't really think about these policies too deeply, but I'm gonna give you my knee-jerk response, and at least you know they're sincere that way, because I haven't thought them out.
00:06:20.000He's good at the things he was good at on The Apprentice, which is throwing insults at people and taking them by the back of the head and smacking their face into a table.
00:06:28.000And that's basically what he does with Jeb Bush.
00:06:30.000I mean, this is a reenactment of the scene from the Jimmy Cagney movie, where Jimmy Cagney is playing a gangster and he takes a grapefruit and smashes it in his girlfriend's face.
00:06:38.000That's basically what this exchange is.
00:06:40.000You're gonna see Jeb Bush start to get a little bit uppity with Donald Trump, trying to prove how tough he is, and Donald Trump just take an enormous Trump dump all over Jeb Bush.
00:07:37.000Okay, so, you know, they go at each other here, and you can see Jeb is desperately trying to grab a little bit, just a little bit of that Trump buff mystique.
00:07:48.000You know, the whole fat lion mystique I've talked about before, where he kind of sits there and he's all lazy, and then you poke him and he eats your face.
00:07:54.000Okay, the second part of this exchange, that was bad enough for Jeb.
00:07:57.000The second part of this exchange is where Trump really tires of Jeb, and then just guts him like an animal on the prairies of Hoth, and then lives inside his body.
00:08:06.000It's really, what's it called, the gun guy?
00:08:08.000That's basically what he does to Jeb Bush right here, and it's ugly for Jeb Bush.
00:08:14.000This is a tough business to run for president.
00:09:00.000Take Jeb Bush's hand and hit Jeb Bush in the face with his own hand repeatedly.
00:09:04.000Because, I'm sorry, but when you claim that you're the tough guy and then Donald Trump pummels you that way, it just makes Trump look tougher.
00:09:10.000And that's, of course, what people are going to remember about this.
00:09:12.000And there are people who revel in this.
00:09:16.000People sort of want to see Trump do this to Hillary Clinton, right?
00:09:18.000They want to see Hillary Clinton get tough with Trump and then see Trump just take a kitchen sink and hit her with it.
00:09:24.000I mean, it reminds me of a story where
00:09:29.000Well, it's slightly lewd, but we can tell it.
00:09:31.000So when I was in law school, I was playing poker with a guy from law school, and he was talking about how he had been trolling Craigslist for girls.
00:09:39.000And he said that he had invited this girl over, and in the midst of their intimacy, she started yelling at him that she wanted to be hit, and he did not know what to do.
00:09:48.000And so she says, hit me, and he didn't know what to do.
00:09:50.000And she says, hit me, and he didn't know what to do.
00:09:52.000And she says, hit me, and so he grabbed a toaster and hit her in the face with it.
00:12:00.000He thinks he wants to be this, oh, I'm great and strong on national defense.
00:12:04.000But he's the weakest of all the candidates on immigration.
00:12:07.000He is the one for an open border that is leaving us defenseless.
00:12:10.000If we want to defend the country, we have to defend against those who are coming in.
00:12:13.000And Marco has more of an allegiance to Chuck Schumer and to the liberals than he does to conservative policy.
00:12:20.000And there's the uncomfortable smile from Rubio.
00:12:22.000And it was a good moment for Rand Paul and not a good moment for Marco Rubio when this happens because the Gang of Eight is the skeleton in Marco Rubio's closet.
00:12:30.000It's his only major legislative achievement.
00:12:32.000He really hasn't done a lot else in the Senate.
00:12:34.000And so this really hurt Marco Rubio pretty badly.
00:12:38.000Now the only thing that saved Marco Rubio is that Rubio then tried to tie himself to Cruz on immigration and Cruz had his worst moment.
00:12:44.000So Cruz's worst moment came when Cruz was trying to explain his own immigration policy and at one point, we don't have the clip, but there was one point where Cruz was asked about his immigration policy and Cruz
00:12:55.000Actually said that he did not intend to legalize illegal immigrants now that as a lawyer That's legal language once you say do not intend that means well might happen
00:13:05.000But people don't want to hear it might happen that you're going to legalize all of these illegal immigrants.
00:13:45.000Let me be very careful in answering this because I don't think national television in front of 15 million people is the place to discuss classified information.
00:13:57.000There is nothing that we are allowed to do under this bill that we could not do before.
00:14:14.000This bill did, however, take away a valuable tool that allowed the National Security Agency and other intelligence agencies to quickly and rapidly access phone records and match them up with other phone records to see who terrorists have been calling.
00:14:29.000Because I promise you, the next time there is an attack on this country,
00:14:33.000The first thing people are going to want to know is why didn't we know about it and why didn't we stop it?
00:14:37.000And the answer better not be because we didn't have access to records or information that would have allowed us to identify these killers before they attacked us.
00:14:46.000So this is actually a better moment for Rubio.
00:14:49.000Now, the fact is that what Rubio is saying here on the USA Patriot Act is not actually true.
00:14:53.000According to Mike Lee, who's one of the sponsors of that act, there were certain powers of the federal government to check out terrorism that were expanded under the new version of the USA Freedom Act, is what they call it.
00:15:03.000It was sort of a replacement for the Patriot Act.
00:17:33.000Okay, so I actually agree with Cruz here.
00:17:35.000The idea is, and I've said this, with regard to multiculturalism, if you insist that all cultures are equally culpable for violence, then what you end up doing is violating everyone's civil liberties in order to keep us safe.
00:17:46.000Because the fact is, you're either going to go after the people who are most suspicious, or you're not.
00:17:50.000You're either going to treat people as all equally suspicious, or you're not.
00:17:54.000And so what Cruz is saying is you target the right people and that's how you get this done.
00:17:58.000I think this is why Rubio's attacks on Cruz didn't have quite as much impact as Cruz's attacks on Rubio.
00:18:04.000Cruz attacked Rubio on immigration, this would be clip 7, and this was an effective attack on Rubio on immigration, whereas I think that Rubio's national defense slander against Cruz really didn't stick because nobody sees Cruz as weak on national defense.
00:18:17.000They don't consider him to be an isolationist in the same way that Rand Paul, for example, is an isolationist.
00:19:35.000There's the subtle cross, and then there's what she's wearing right there, which looks like it's something out of a bad gangster movie.
00:19:43.000Her interfering right there in what was a pretty crucial exchange actually was damaging to Rubio, because Rubio actually had Cruz on the ropes a little bit on the immigration issue right there, and Cruz was able to escape.
00:19:53.000But all of this is to say that a lot of these candidates damaged each other.
00:19:56.000A lot of these candidates hit each other, and a lot of these candidates smacked each other, and a lot of that did not
00:20:03.000And well, for anyone except for Donald Trump, who ended up doing very well on all of this, to the point where one of the most entertaining exchanges where Donald Trump was basically patting Ted Cruz on the head over not insulting him.
00:20:31.000And I can't think of anything much more condescending than that from Donald Trump.
00:20:35.000But, you know, there's a reason that Cruz isn't attacking Trump, and it's because he feels like Trump's support eventually is going to bleed over to him once the aura of inevitability and invincibility has been pricked a little bit.
00:21:09.000And then last night he said, some people say I have too big a heart.
00:21:12.000No, mostly people say you have too big a mouth.
00:21:15.000But John Kasich is constantly injecting himself.
00:21:17.000But I just don't know why he's still sticking around.
00:21:21.000In any case, how this is going to work out right now is if you look at the primary schedule, you have to figure that Cruz wins Iowa, it looks like Trump might win New Hampshire, and then it's a Trump-Cruz race all the way down to the wire.
00:21:31.000And if that's the case, the establishment Republican Party is going to kill itself.
00:21:35.000You will see 1929-style people throwing themselves off ledges.
00:21:40.000It's the end of the world if Donald Trump is the nominee.
00:21:50.000No, I don't think it's the end of the world.
00:21:52.000Do I think that Donald Trump could beat Hillary Clinton?
00:21:54.000In some ways, I think yes, because I think that the kind of entertainment value he brings, like I say, you never know when Donald Trump is going to hit somebody in the face with a toaster.
00:22:02.000And if it's Hillary Clinton, there are a lot of people out there who are sort of rooting for that.
00:22:07.000No one wants people physically beaten.
00:22:10.000Okay, so in any case, I want to finish the debate analysis with this.
00:22:14.000There is this clip of, and I just have to play this because it's funny, Chris Matthews was asked about having to thrill up his leg from Barack Obama by somebody over at Newsbusters, and Chris Matthews did not like the question at all in any way.
00:23:26.000Right, so that'd be explaining a film plot badly.
00:23:27.000Of course, the classic of this genre comes courtesy of TV Guide several years ago.
00:23:31.000Somebody did a synopsis of The Wizard of Oz that said, in a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets, then teams up with three strangers to kill again.
00:24:00.000What always becomes annoying is that the Twitter exchange tends to extend so that somebody can get the last word eventually.
00:24:06.000And so it just kind of goes on too long.
00:24:08.000And I'll admit that I do that sometimes, and here I probably did it a little bit too long.
00:24:11.000But the other thing that ends up happening is that people sort of bring their followers into the fight.
00:24:15.000So I have 140,000 followers on Twitter, thereabouts.
00:24:19.000Patton Oswalt has like 2.4 million, because he's this, if you haven't heard of Patton Oswalt, he's this short, fat mediocrity of a comedian who makes a lot of jokes about atheism, comic books, and Lord of the Rings, and curses a lot, and then plays Remy the Rat in Ratatouille.
00:24:35.000And he's worth, according to the internet, of the all-knowing sources of the internet, he's worth $14 million.
00:24:41.000Well, he tweeted out, this whole thing started with Patton Oswalt tweeting out that what he learned from the Republican debate is that we desperately, desperately need
00:25:02.000And then Patton Oswalt called me a neocon, which, for those who are ignorant like Patton Oswalt, he's either ignorant or he's an anti-Semite.
00:25:08.000Because, number one, I don't agree with the so-called neocons like Irving Kristol.
00:25:12.000And second, so if you're lumping me in with Irving Kristol, there's only two reasons to do that.
00:25:15.000One, because you think all right-wingers agree with Irving Kristol, which is you being stupid.
00:25:20.000Or two, because Irving Kristol and I are both Jews, in which case you're anti-Semitic.
00:25:23.000So, I mentioned both of these possibilities.
00:25:56.000Comedians thinking that they understand politics or economics or anything of any real value.
00:26:03.000My favorite part is where he tried to explain to me that science meant that men could become women and that transgenderism was not a mental disorder.
00:26:10.000It was a real physical change that could occur in a human being.
00:26:14.000To which I said, no, that's called magic.
00:26:17.000There's no science by which chromosomes magically change from X to Y. It just doesn't work that way.
00:26:21.000But he and his all-knowing scientific wisdom, having played the very scientific part of a rat that forgoes cheese in favor of combinations of different spices, he knows better.
00:26:33.000Alright, so, another thing that I hate, a little bit of deconstructing the culture, Miley Cyrus now has a new music video, and we could do this every week with Miley Cyrus, because Miley Cyrus is all that is wrong with humanity.
00:26:43.000She's not sexy, she's not interesting, she's just nihilistic, and she's looking for boundaries to cross because she's such a sad little person, she really is.
00:26:50.000I mean, if you look into those vacant eyes,
00:26:53.000And don't get sucked, feel your soul being sucked away from you, then what you see is a desperate girl, a girl who is desperate for attention, and you can see it in everything she does.
00:27:01.000She's just desperate, desperate for attention.
00:27:04.000She's now done something that the left routinely likes to do, and that is mix up sex and childhood.
00:27:33.000So here's Miley Cyrus doing just that in a video she calls Baby Talk and we're only gonna get through 30 seconds of this before I vomit like Linda Blair in The Exorcist and my head turns around and it's just a giant stream of green goo everywhere.
00:28:23.000I mean, she's doing the whole baby doll routine.
00:28:25.000This was controversial back in the movie.
00:28:27.000In the 1960s, there was a movie in which a girl did this, and she played, like, the baby doll sexy thing.
00:28:32.000It was very, very controversial at the time.
00:28:34.000Now we've left all controversy behind, so she can play an actual infant, sexualizing infants, and people are going to pretend like this is okay, because it's just art.
00:29:11.000Tomorrow we will be back with more, and I'm sure Trump will be topping the polls again.
00:29:16.000Trump has a relatively clear path to the nomination at this point, unless the establishment gets together and does something they don't want to do.
00:29:24.000Back Ted Cruz, which is the end of the world for them.
00:29:27.000Jeb Bush, by the way, final note, Jeb Bush has said today he might not support Donald Trump if Donald Trump is the nominee.
00:29:32.000So remember when everybody in the Tea Party was supposed to support John McCain and Mitt Romney because we all had to unite to defeat Barack Obama?
00:29:38.000The establishment doesn't feel the same necessity so long as they don't get their guy.
00:29:42.000Which sort of tells you the future of the Republican Party and we will talk about all of that tomorrow.