In this episode of The Charlie Kirk Show, host Charlie Kirk sits down with his wife, Erica Kirk, to talk about their marriage and what it's like being a conservative in the 21st century. Charlie and Erica talk about what it was like growing up in a conservative household and how they met, how they got married, and why they decided to have kids.
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00:04:18.000No, I wouldn't say that because I have some friends who are still not married and don't have kids and they're conservative and they're finding it hard to find a mate.
00:04:28.000But if you're saying, traditionally speaking, the women who don't have kids are more left-leaning because they choose not to have kids, that's a whole different topic.
00:04:46.000But also, too, you have to understand, and that also goes back to how did you know it was time to get married, understanding your biblical role as a wife and a mother and knowing that you're ready to step into that motherhood, that being a wife and that type of era of your life,
00:05:08.000What traits should conservative women be looking for in men and vice versa?
00:05:13.000Ooh. I know one of the questions deals with...
00:05:18.000I was going to go off one of the questions that talked about the apps, but I think women for looking for their future spouse needs to hone in on the fact, is he going to lead you?
00:07:09.000Marriage in the right context is so beautiful because your husband will give up anything and everything for you in a healthy manner, but they will literally love you and honor you and cherish you above all and put...
00:07:25.000All the noise aside and focus on wife, children, family.
00:07:30.000Daisy says there were quite a number of questions on submission, so dive more into that.
00:07:35.000Okay. For me as a wife, my biblical role is to be the helpmate to my husband.
00:07:54.000I love that you are such a—you are so intentional with your faith, and you are so intentional with just how you are as a father and a husband, but as a wife, I am to quote-unquote submit to you,
00:08:10.000which is a beautiful word, by the way, because that's the order of how it's supposed to go, and God will bless that.
00:08:55.000We're talking about the beautiful, beautiful, sacred marriage of when you are at the altar, you become one with your spouse.
00:09:03.000And the problem is that I feel as if some women, after they have children, They lose that fire that they got at the altar, that fiery spirit of this is the man I've been praying for and they get burned out because of the kids or because of circumstances and then it's like...
00:09:23.000Submitting to my husband, that sounds exhausting.
00:09:28.000You are in charge of what you're in charge of.
00:09:30.000Your husband's in charge of what he's in charge of.
00:09:31.000And it's supposed to be a beautiful marriage of a teamwork and symbolic within biblical marriage and symbolic within how God and Jesus and everything, just your whole faith is supposed to operate.
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00:11:33.000Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
00:11:35.000This submits that both husband and wives are called to serve and prioritize each other's needs.
00:11:39.000Do you think that most women struggle with it because of a kind of feminist mentality that has seeped in?
00:11:48.000Yeah, because I feel as if Christianity in itself has become semi...
00:11:55.000Feminized? From the standpoint of, I know we've talked about this before, you know, the Pinterest Christianity with the little flowers all over the beautiful scripted font and like making the Bible feminine.
00:12:30.000It always leads you back to God and always leads you back to how you're supposed to live your life biblically.
00:12:35.000But yeah, women, I think, are offended by that because they feel as if it makes them lesser.
00:12:44.000Than they are, which it makes them feel like they don't have the choice or the voice that they need to have in order to be quote-unquote liberated.
00:13:11.000Yes, from the women who are not strong Christians, who are just more in the world trying to figure out and navigate their marriage based on that standpoint.
00:13:24.000But I think it goes back to what you were saying.
00:13:27.000The men need to be prepared to take on that role.
00:13:30.000That's not a light role to carry, being the leader of the home.
00:13:39.000Who aren't prepared for that season of life.
00:13:42.000They leave the metaphorical pants on the ground.
00:13:45.000And so the women come in and put those pants on because they feel like, I have to be this role.
00:15:35.000But I actually am kind of grateful that that's happened because God has pruned my life in a way where I am surrounded in a circle now by people who love us, support us, pray with us, encourage us.
00:17:37.000I know, but I'm thinking about all of the way...
00:17:40.000How we grew up of how romanticized they made finding your...
00:17:47.000Your future spouse, like, you're going to be so in love.
00:17:49.000You're going to be swept up and these flowers are going to be flying around you and you're going to be so, like, butterflies in your stomach.
00:17:57.000And so I feel as if when people don't feel that immediately, they're like, oh, this person's not the right one.
00:18:02.000Or they're just, I don't know, I think they're caught up in what they're supposed to, that just, I mean, it's important.
00:19:44.000But as women, you need to take care of yourself in order to...
00:19:47.000You can't be looking like Adam Sandler and expect that you're going to...
00:19:52.000And men, just figure out ways to make more money.
00:19:54.000I don't want to say it's not that hard, but if you work hard and apply yourself and obsess, you can make more money and you will be more attractive to them.
00:20:00.000But like you say, stop spending money on alcohol.
00:21:51.000Being able to walk, yeah, because, you know, before I met you, when I went previously was with my mom on a pilgrimage, and the whole time I was there, I was praying for my future husband.
00:22:03.000Didn't know it was you, and we were both in Israel at the same time, but any time I could find a place to put a little piece of paper of a prayer in a hole in a wall, that was me, and that was me praying for you, and then I got to go back with you was surreal.
00:22:48.000How would you tell young married couples who are going to start having families to prepare slash ready their marriage for the changes that come with them?
00:24:10.000Yeah, look, the man has to, I mean, I'll be very honest, the man has to start earning enough money where the wife or the mom does not have to work.
00:24:18.000And if the man isn't capable of doing that, well, then figure it out.
00:24:22.000Right. A more tangible side for a female perspective, make sure that you don't get so hyper-fixated on the birth process.
00:24:35.000Once you're about to have a child, don't be so fixated and obsessed with, I am going to have a child on my couch, in my living room, free birth, no drugs, and then leave no room for God's will if that totally does not happen.
00:24:51.000Because I know we had a birth plan and the only thing that went to plan on that birth plan was that we had a child.
00:25:03.000So young married couples, look, keep your faith obviously first and try to identify any...
00:25:13.000fleshly problems that you might be having.
00:25:17.000So if the wife might have a gossip problem or a spending money problem, or the husband might have an alcohol problem or a pornography problem or a drug problem,
00:26:53.000Love him so much and understand and hold in your heart that God has put you guys together for a reason to have.
00:27:03.000A beautiful family, and children are a blessing from the Lord, and don't forget your husband in the process, and don't forget your husband in the chaos of having kids.
00:28:17.000Half of the day doing one thing, I missed out half of that time with being with the kids.
00:28:22.000So you have to choose where your heart has to be fully with the home.
00:28:28.000You have to make that decision on your own, but you can always, after your kids are in school or after they're in high school, you can always go back to work.
00:28:37.000You can always find a way to get back into the workforce, but if you miss those precious first few years, That is so hard to make up because memories are so much more important than an added paycheck.
00:28:53.000It's how God has wired us and it's our nature, which is to have children, not just have a bigger bank account.
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00:31:32.000But you should release that burden from your wife and just take care of all the money.
00:31:36.000I have to say, having to provide for my, just as myself as a woman, having to provide for yourself, especially because when I was living in New York City, it all fell on me.
00:31:49.000I love the fact that I can relinquish that role to my husband because he's so good at it, but relinquish it to him and say, I trust you so much.
00:32:00.000I know you're going to help provide for our family.
00:32:01.000That is one less thing I have to not deal with.
00:32:05.000I've watched my mom have to deal with that while she had her own business and she was my mom and dad in one package because my parents got divorced when I was really young.
00:32:14.000But to be able to relinquish that to you is so liberating.
00:32:19.000And I can focus on other things that are way more important because that's your domain and I don't have to worry about it.
00:32:25.000And if you are marrying a man that is not capable of completely and totally handing the finances, then you should not marry that man.
00:32:34.000Finances will break a marriage quicker than anything else, period.
00:32:38.000But what if he checks all of the boxes?
00:36:13.000And I know that for some young girls out there or even older women who are still looking for their human, a season of waiting is to encourage you to just continue to trust God's timing.
00:36:27.000And if you're in a season of pruning, that's probably because God's trying to refine you.
00:36:32.000And if you're in a season of fruitfulness, then enjoy that and embrace that.
00:36:38.000I will add to that that men have a much longer horizon of waiting than women.
00:36:46.000And what men need to get equipped for actually might not be as natural.
00:36:51.000Women can make very good mothers with almost no training.
00:36:55.000It's just at 23, 24, women can make good mothers.
00:37:43.000Down before you grow up and out, meaning make sure that your heart is so rooted in Christ.
00:37:49.000Make sure that you're reading the Bible every single day.
00:37:52.000Make sure that you're in a position where you're living your life, that he has to seek God in order to even be able to touch the slightest bit of your heart.
00:38:02.000And make sure that you are taking good care of yourself.
00:38:45.000There's always something to be grateful for and just find a way to be able to get yourself in the proper mindset and headspace of knowing that you are so...
00:38:56.000Intentional about this time and you're in a stream of significance rather than focusing on what everyone else has and you are in a position where when and if the man has sought you out and he will tell you,
00:39:50.000And this is why I think that women lose a portion of their brain capacity after every single kid.
00:39:57.000It's because then you get excited to homeschool your kids and you get to relearn everything all over again.
00:40:03.000And you're excited about learning about triangles and octagons and proper grammar all over again because you have that brain space to do it.
00:40:17.000Plus, we want to travel with the kids.
00:40:19.000And plus, to be honest with you, I do not want to deal with kids going up to either of our children and being like, I hate you because of your father.
00:40:27.000Eventually, once they get old enough, they'll get into school.