The Classically Abby Podcast - January 09, 2023


Ep 1 ｜ I'm Not Judgy, I'm Looking Out For You.


Episode Stats

Length

42 minutes

Words per Minute

159.01933

Word Count

6,817

Sentence Count

438

Misogynist Sentences

44

Hate Speech Sentences

29


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Hello, Classic Crew, and welcome to the first episode of the Classically Abbey podcast.
00:00:15.040 I'm so excited to be recording here and doing it for the first time completely unedited. So
00:00:21.720 if you don't know, usually on YouTube, you're able to just kind of talk and if you make mistakes,
00:00:26.140 then you'll re-record things and you'll edit them. And it's very different than just sitting
00:00:31.760 and talking and knowing that you can't cut anything out, which is stressful for a YouTuber.
00:00:37.680 It's just like a new thing that we're doing here. And I'm very excited about it, but I'm also kind
00:00:43.160 of nervous. So we'll see how it goes. Welcome to my kitchen. That's where we're filming. I hope you
00:00:49.020 like this background. Who knows if it will change, but that's where we're starting out. And I wanted
00:00:54.080 to tell you guys a little bit about what this podcast is going to be. So this podcast centers
00:00:58.560 on classic living and traditional values, navigating the modern era as a traditional woman, as well as
00:01:04.760 conversations with other people in this space. So I'm going to be kind of alternating episodes
00:01:11.080 where I will be doing my own content, which I will describe in just a minute, kind of the segments
00:01:17.340 that we're going to do over here, as well as interspersing those with episodes where I interview
00:01:23.200 women and men who are in this space and who kind of want to talk about traditional values
00:01:28.260 and all of the stuff that we like over here at Classically Abbey. So I'm really excited
00:01:32.760 about that. This podcast gives strength to the women who reject the modern narrative of womanhood
00:01:38.560 and instead embrace real femininity. So that's the concept of the podcast. I'm really glad you're
00:01:45.580 here. And before we get further into today's episode, if you aren't already subscribed to my podcast,
00:01:51.520 make sure to subscribe so that you can get updates every time I post a new episode. And if you aren't
00:01:56.600 subscribed to my YouTube channel, make sure to subscribe and hit that notification bell. So I'm
00:02:01.120 very excited to have you here. I probably have said excited like 15 times. I need to relax.
00:02:08.980 One other thing I want to mention is I would love if you would consider heading over to my
00:02:13.040 sub stack where you will get access to a ton of exclusive content, including my weekly exclusive
00:02:17.880 articles, my book club, my movie club, and submitting questions for this podcast. So I used to do a
00:02:25.180 live stream Q&A on my YouTube channel, but I recently decided what I'm going to do kind of to
00:02:31.060 replace that is if you are a premium subscriber on my sub stack, which is only $7 a month or $70 for
00:02:37.940 the year, which means you get two months for free, then you can submit questions. And each episode,
00:02:43.020 I will respond to a couple of questions from you all. So it's a really great deal. We have a really
00:02:49.480 great community of women over there, and I think you'll really love it. So go ahead and check it
00:02:53.800 out. It's classicallyabby.substock.com. So let me tell you a little bit about how the show is going
00:03:00.840 to be divided up. So every episode, we will start off with an intro where we catch up. It's kind of my
00:03:07.200 version of the scoop. If you follow me on YouTube, you'll know I've done episodes of something called
00:03:12.220 The Scoop, where we just kind of chat about what's going on in the world, what's going on in our lives,
00:03:15.680 stuff like that. Then I'm going to follow that up with the main portion of the episode. That might
00:03:21.460 be something regarding classic living. It might be regarding something about motherhood. It might
00:03:26.240 be something that's going on in the zeitgeist, but it's going to be kind of the bulk of the episode.
00:03:32.360 Then we're going to move on to our faith talk. So I haven't done quite a lot of this on my channel,
00:03:38.920 and I miss doing it. I've done it before, but not as much as I would like to. And now we're going to
00:03:44.600 bring that back into focus. So I am a religious Jew, in case you didn't know that. And I really
00:03:50.980 like talking about faith and our journeys and our relationship to God. So this week, at least,
00:03:58.500 and we'll see how it goes moving forward, we're going to go off of the Torah portion or the Parsha.
00:04:04.260 And you'll see where we go with that. And then lastly, we'll finish off with subscriber questions
00:04:09.920 and answering questions from those premium subscribers on my sub stack. So that's what
00:04:14.240 you can expect from each episode. And then on the episodes where I'm interviewing people,
00:04:19.880 then there might be kind of shortened versions of the intro. The main portion would be the interview,
00:04:25.560 and we might skip the faith talk. But at the end, we would do a subscriber question
00:04:29.800 that I would pose to the interviewer, and we would discuss it together. So that's going to be
00:04:35.400 pretty great. And as you can see, I've got my laptop in front of me, so I can reference all of
00:04:40.020 my notes because it's a little different doing a podcast. I hope that this is something you guys
00:04:46.360 enjoy. It's a little bit different for me. So let's get into it. First thing I want to talk about
00:04:53.720 is what the main topic of today is going to be, which is why I encourage women to be classic.
00:05:00.520 So I talk about being classic all the time. And what I mean when I talk about being classic,
00:05:06.240 I want to kind of explain that a little bit. But why do I encourage it? Why is it so important?
00:05:12.440 So many people get offended when you kind of tell them that there's a better way to live,
00:05:18.260 and they think that it's coming from a place of judgment. And I'm here to explain why it isn't.
00:05:23.360 So that's going to be the main portion of today's episode. But if you like the podcast and you're
00:05:31.140 enjoying it, make sure to share it with your friends and family. So let's get into the life
00:05:35.820 updates. If you're new here, I'm married with a nine-month-old baby. I will be married for
00:05:42.020 five years in May, which is crazy. I can't believe time has flown by that quickly. And my son is the
00:05:49.860 cutest. We call him Mr. Baby over here. What will we call him when he gets older? I don't actually
00:05:55.620 know. Mr. Boy, perhaps. Especially as we have more children, then that baby will be Mr. or Mrs. Baby.
00:06:05.880 And we'll have to kind of figure out the names for what we call him and them. So if you didn't know,
00:06:14.120 I also keep the identity of my baby under wraps. I mean, I don't show his face on social media and
00:06:20.120 I don't use his name because he didn't consent to it. And also the internet is a terrible place
00:06:25.360 and people hate me a lot, so they don't need to hate my son. So I decided not to share that
00:06:30.460 information. So that's why I call him Mr. Baby. But I love being a mom and I love being a wife.
00:06:36.000 I used to be a professional opera singer. If you didn't know that, that's where partly why I chose the
00:06:42.380 name Classically Abby because I was a classically trained opera singer. And I moved away from that
00:06:47.460 partly due to COVID. That just kind of stopped a lot of the performing stuff that was going on in
00:06:54.780 the world. But even before COVID, it wasn't going to be my full-time career because I wanted to be
00:07:01.120 able to devote my time to my family. And being an opera singer is really not conducive to that.
00:07:07.100 You're traveling all the time. You're just away from your family. And it's just too hard.
00:07:12.380 And I didn't want that. So I ended up doing content creation, talking about the stuff that
00:07:17.860 I'm really passionate about. I feel that this is my mission to talk about classic living and
00:07:23.840 traditional values and modern femininity and helping women find their place in this world
00:07:30.880 that's telling them all of the things that they should be doing that will only lead them down a
00:07:34.940 path of unhappiness. I've been a content creator for about three years now. And that's kind of my
00:07:41.840 background. So one of the things I want to mention today, if you're watching, is my hair.
00:07:49.080 So I used hot rollers today. I've been trying to figure out kind of my daily schedule. Because
00:07:57.340 let's be honest, having a routine with a baby is very difficult, especially because babies change and
00:08:03.660 grow so quickly that as soon as you get used to one rhythm, everything changes and that rhythm is
00:08:09.320 no longer relevant. So Mr. Baby crawls like crazy nowadays. And he is just getting into everything.
00:08:17.580 So trying to even sit down to do my makeup, do my hair and film is the whole process. It's almost
00:08:23.880 impossible. So I just recently had a discussion with my mom because she comes over and helps for
00:08:30.260 about an hour every day and said like, OK, here's what we can do to actually make this time the most
00:08:36.460 effective. And so I sat down this morning and I decided that hot rollers were probably the easiest
00:08:41.340 and most effective way to get my hair done quickly so that I can sit down and film. Well, this is what
00:08:46.920 we're left with. I'm feeling very, very Texas. So I'm not I'm not mad at it. I like it. But it's
00:08:54.320 it's pretty intense. And I showed it to my husband. He was like, yeah, you look like you belong in Texas,
00:08:59.200 but I like it. So that's where that's where my hair is at. I film facing my pool. So that's reminding
00:09:07.800 me that we just got our pool fence installed. And that was a great move. Right. Because if you have
00:09:13.080 little ones, it's very dangerous to have just an open pool. You don't know if you can always keep
00:09:18.440 eye on your children. You want to make sure that they're safe. And for us, since we host a lot of
00:09:22.780 meals on Sabbath, we wanted to be able to host them in our backyard at our table. But when people
00:09:29.400 come over with their little kids, they can't really just relax because the kids could have
00:09:33.820 like a dangerous situation. So we just got this pool fence installed. We're very excited about it.
00:09:38.160 It's not the most beautiful thing in the world because what pool fence is, but it is also really
00:09:42.340 helpful just to allow us to relax with our friends. And that's really the most important thing.
00:09:46.380 Another fun thing that happened this week. I had my siblings over last night and we played
00:09:53.400 Jackbox, which was a lot of fun. So I don't know if you've heard of Jackbox TV. I think you can get
00:09:59.100 it on a few different gaming services. It's party games that you play on your phone and everybody
00:10:06.500 kind of uses their phone as a notepad or a template or something like that. And we played some games.
00:10:12.960 It was really fun. We had a great time. And I recommend checking out Jackbox TV if you are
00:10:20.020 interested in something like that. We love board games. We love party games, things you should know
00:10:24.840 about us. We love all sorts of games. So if you like strategy games, we like those. If you like
00:10:30.900 party games, we like those. And Jackbox is just one of those really easy party games.
00:10:36.700 So last but not least, my husband and I took a trip to Miami just recently between
00:10:42.940 Christmas and New Year's. And we learned some interesting things. And maybe I'll do a future
00:10:49.040 podcast episode on this about how to travel with someone who maybe you don't necessarily 100% agree
00:10:57.400 on your travel style. So some people love to like run out and go and see absolutely everything that
00:11:05.080 they can in a new location. And some people like to relax and just kind of do a beach vacation.
00:11:10.080 And some people enjoy the feeling of living in a new place, not touring in a new place,
00:11:17.180 but living in a new place. So I'm pretty flexible when it comes to how I take vacations. I probably
00:11:23.540 could enjoy any vacation that I took. So if it was like a touring vacation, I might like that. If it
00:11:29.020 was a beach vacation, I might like that. But my husband very much enjoys the third kind, where you feel
00:11:35.440 like you're living in an area where you don't get in your car to drive anywhere. You just get a hotel
00:11:40.500 and you or an Airbnb and you enjoy where you are. You walk around, you get to know your favorite cafe
00:11:47.120 if you're there for three or four days. Like it's just like you're living there. And it took us a day
00:11:52.900 or two to remember that because it had been such a long time since the two of us and now Mr. Baby
00:11:59.060 had gone on a trip together that we almost didn't remember what our travel styles were.
00:12:06.120 And so by the end of the first couple of days, we were both a little bit grumpy, just thinking like,
00:12:12.320 why are we not having as good of a time as I know we could? And once we realized, oh, it's because
00:12:17.200 we're not doing the travel style that we enjoy together, then we were able to shift our plans
00:12:25.320 and say, okay, so we're going to cancel these like long drives we have planned, these tours that we
00:12:30.300 want to go on. And instead, we're going to just hang out around this neighborhood. And we ended up
00:12:38.100 having an amazing time. So if you are like struggling with the travel, with traveling with someone you love
00:12:47.160 and you want to have a good time, but it's just like not really working, consider having a discussion
00:12:52.120 about how to make that better. Because it may be that one of you is having a great time because
00:13:00.280 you enjoy the sort of vacation you're on while the other person is totally not into that kind
00:13:04.660 of vacation and is feeling like it's a waste of time. So have a discussion and then maybe you'll
00:13:10.080 be able to figure out how to make the most of your trip. So that was just, I didn't mean to give a
00:13:15.480 piece of advice. It was usually I'm like just kind of catching up and telling you things, but I felt
00:13:20.100 like that was relevant. So now let's get into the main portion of today's episode, which is why I
00:13:27.000 encourage women to be classic. So often, as I mentioned earlier, people think when I'm talking
00:13:33.980 about being classic, that I'm coming from a place of judgment, that I judge people who aren't classic,
00:13:40.280 that I sit over here and go like, you're dumb for not doing what I'm doing. That's wrong. The truth is
00:13:48.160 when I'm talking about being classic, it comes from a place of wanting people to be happy. I know that
00:13:56.260 that's almost hard to picture, but really when I'm talking about being classic, it's because I know
00:14:01.240 that being classic and maintaining traditional values leads people to live happier lives and be,
00:14:09.200 have more meaning, have more purpose. The truth is that women have gotten more anxious and more
00:14:15.180 depressed since they have lost their meaning and purpose. I feel really passionately about this.
00:14:20.600 I read this article and I'm going to, I know what I'm going to do if I, oh gosh, I forgot to mention
00:14:25.300 my hard drive with all of my work on it has been broken by Mr. Baby pulling it down from where it sits.
00:14:32.680 So I have to try and get all of my information off of it. But on that hard drive is an article
00:14:39.320 that I am really passionate about because I've, it's written by a colonel. It was written in like
00:14:45.680 the fifties or sixties. And I think it was written in the sixties because it was post sort of like the,
00:14:51.220 it was the beginning of, of feminist ideology starting to pervade women's ideology. And the
00:14:59.960 interesting thing about that article is that it really talks about how women have been divorced
00:15:08.640 from their meaning and purpose as wives and mothers. And because of that, there are more
00:15:14.000 anxious and more depressed because they don't have the clear picture of what they are for.
00:15:20.820 So as we've told women that motherhood and being a wife is just kind of like a choice,
00:15:27.040 something that you don't have to do that some people want to do, but it's just like
00:15:30.400 something that's been forced on you by the patriarchy. And really your meaning comes from
00:15:34.280 everything else. Women have actually gotten more anxious and more depressed because
00:15:38.500 they're making bad choices that are leading them away from the choices that would give them
00:15:42.980 meaning and purpose and fulfillment. The truth about it is that as women have, here's the real
00:15:52.740 thing, right? There's a very small percentage of women, 1%, 2% that don't actually want children,
00:16:03.740 that don't want to have children, that don't want to get married, that are happier doing something
00:16:10.000 else. But the narrative is that half of women want that. That like you, it could be a 50-50 shot with
00:16:18.720 you, that perhaps you will want those things, perhaps you won't. That is the biggest lie that feminism
00:16:26.400 has told women. That it's like, maybe you'll want those things, totally incorrect. 99% of women want those
00:16:37.420 things. And when we give women this picture of like, oh, well, you'll see, it really leads women down a path
00:16:45.700 of making poor choices, making bad decisions that make those huge, important life goals of being a wife
00:16:54.360 and being a mother more difficult to come by. As you are putting all of your energy into a career that
00:17:03.340 may preclude you meeting the right guy, or may preclude you having children, you are really ending
00:17:12.380 up making choices that are pushing you away from the things that you need to do to feel good about
00:17:18.520 yourself. And not only good about yourself, but have purpose in your life. I'm not saying that careers can't
00:17:26.640 be fulfilling. But they are not going to bring you ultimate fulfillment. Right? I love my job. I love what I do.
00:17:37.820 It brings me meaning and purpose. And I really, really like it. But if I had to choose between this job
00:17:46.420 and being a mother or being a wife, this job wouldn't even come close. And the problem is,
00:17:55.720 is that we've positioned it like, oh, they're equal. If you are super successful in your career,
00:18:03.560 you may not need to be a mother and a wife. And it's just incorrect.
00:18:08.760 One of the things I've been thinking about is when we make being a mother and a wife a burden
00:18:19.620 rather than a gift, then women had to find their meaning in other places. Right? And when I say
00:18:26.180 that being a mother and a wife is a burden, that is not an exaggeration. We're talking about Betty
00:18:30.440 Friedan. We're talking about The Feminine Mystique. That's the book that she wrote. And in that, in this
00:18:37.060 ideology, feminists told women that men get to go to work. They get to leave the house where you have to
00:18:43.640 stay chained, back at home, raising the children. Instead of saying men don't get to work, men have to work.
00:18:53.620 Right? The picture that we have in 2023 and when the show came out, I don't remember the exact year,
00:19:02.840 but I'm thinking of Mad Men. Right? Mad Men is the exact picture of like what feminists think was
00:19:10.660 wrong with the 1950s. Right? Men get to go to work. They get to have a party. They get to sleep with
00:19:14.720 their secretaries. And the women are home alone, depressed, raising the kids. That is false. That is
00:19:23.280 not real. Men have to work to support their families. Now, does that mean that the men,
00:19:29.860 that all men hate their jobs? No. But if men had the opportunity to stay home with their kids and
00:19:34.840 their wives, I think a lot of them would love to do that. I mean, look at kind of how things have
00:19:41.360 played out since COVID. We have many, many people choosing to work remotely because they'd rather be at
00:19:48.380 home. And men have to work, not get to work. Women have to get to, women get to take care of the
00:20:02.020 children and take care of their homes. And some of them get to do some work as well. And all of this
00:20:09.240 is a grass is always greener thing of like, I'm sure some men look at their wives and think, oh,
00:20:15.140 I wish that I got to stay at home and take care of the kids all day. And some women look at their
00:20:18.740 husbands and think, oh, I wish I got to go to work. But the truth is that we have different roles.
00:20:25.140 Now, those roles can change in specific situations, but generally women would like to be at home with
00:20:30.900 the kids, even if we're told that like it's a prison. As Betty Friedan wrote, women who adjust as
00:20:39.460 housewives who grow up wanting to be just a housewife are in as much danger as the millions
00:20:45.700 who walked to their own death in the concentration camps. They are suffering a slow death of mind and
00:20:51.600 spirit. Yeah. I mean, this is where so much of this feminist ideology started. So all of these
00:21:01.220 feminists who say, no, it's all about what women want to do. If a woman wants to stay at home,
00:21:07.880 then she can. If a woman wants to go to work, then she can.
00:21:13.300 They don't really think that. They don't really think that. They think that we live in a patriarchy,
00:21:20.260 that women are constantly victims and men are constantly oppressors. And there's no way to
00:21:26.780 break out of that. And if women had the opportunity to go to work, they would. But women have to be with
00:21:33.540 their kids. No. Women get to be with their kids. I think the reason I'm talking about all of this
00:21:42.840 is because as we encourage women away from those choices that will bring them joy and happiness and
00:21:51.680 goodness to their lives, we're also leading them away from making the choices that would bring them
00:22:04.240 ultimate happiness and joy. I think being classic is important. And the reason I tell women to be
00:22:13.300 classic because I want to see them be happy. Okay. So now I think we have a question here of how do
00:22:30.360 women find meaning and fulfillment before they have children and get married? This was something I
00:22:37.380 struggled with as I was talking about, you know, the two things that I always talk about for women
00:22:42.380 is being a wife and being a mother. Now, again, I don't think that you can't work. I just think you
00:22:47.320 have to have your priorities in line. And I think you have to understand what comes first. I think that
00:22:53.520 one of the things that gets me is women who talk about going to work rather than being at home with
00:23:00.600 their kids if they had the option. There are women who have to work because they need to help support
00:23:05.120 their families. And then there are the women who want to work. And so they hand off their kids to
00:23:13.600 someone else that I'm not, I'm not as much a fan of. I think that women, if they have the choice to
00:23:19.360 be at home and can be at home, they should be, they should be at home with their, with their kids.
00:23:24.880 Now, if their kids are in school, then great, use that time and work. But if your kids are at home,
00:23:31.880 then what are you doing by choosing to do something rather than raise your children? The ultimate,
00:23:39.760 the thing that's of ultimate importance.
00:23:46.840 But women who are not yet married and who don't have children yet, they still have value. I did a whole
00:23:53.420 video on my YouTube channel about this. They're still really important. So what do they do well
00:23:59.940 before that happens? How do they find meaning and fulfillment? Through constant bettering and
00:24:07.760 improvement of themselves. And by spending time with friends at that same era of life.
00:24:14.360 By moving toward a goal, but also appreciating where they're at. I think we often, if you,
00:24:21.260 if you tell people that they need to be working towards something, they have to like, in their
00:24:25.940 heads, hate the place that they're at. And that's just wrong. You can say, I'm happy where I'm at.
00:24:34.180 And also I'm going to make choices that will eventually lead me to where I want to go.
00:24:41.400 So there's very much meaning and fulfillment and joy to be had before you have children and before you
00:24:48.140 get married. But you have to make the choices that will lead you in the best direction. And that's
00:24:53.000 why I tell women to be classic. Because if they don't line up things in the right way to bring them
00:25:02.920 towards those things that they're aiming for, then they're going to end up not getting the things
00:25:09.600 that they truly need and want. One of the things I don't like about this ideology, this feminist
00:25:18.980 ideology is that as soon as women are put in the position of having to choose between motherhood
00:25:23.340 and work, they feel guilty when they realize that motherhood is more important to them than keeping up
00:25:28.980 with the feminist narrative. There's a reason that women make less than men. And it's not because
00:25:35.860 there's a wage gap. It's because women choose to do different jobs or let or not work. Women choose
00:25:44.520 to be at home with their kids. But then, and I've talked to so many friends like this, and I struggled
00:25:50.480 with it. There's a feeling of guilt that you're not being a girl boss. And instead, you're just you're just
00:26:00.100 being a mom. That's a really poisonous worldview and outlook that we've put on women.
00:26:11.780 So at the end of the day, being classic brings contentment because you love what you were made
00:26:19.740 for and you make choices in line with your purpose. And that's a beautiful thing. So that's why I
00:26:26.660 encourage women to be classic. That's why I encourage women to embrace their femininity and
00:26:31.060 why I encourage people to engage with traditional values and have traditional values because traditional
00:26:37.420 values are built around how people work, how people are built. They're built around how people
00:26:46.060 are built. But what I mean is traditional values are traditional for a reason in the sense that they've
00:26:52.380 lasted so long because they work. Because people were meant to be that way.
00:27:01.500 So with that all in mind, let's move into our faith talk for today. So our faith talk for today is going
00:27:10.540 to be around the Torah portion, which is called in English He Lived. In Hebrew, it's parashat
00:27:17.700 Vayechi. This is the last parasha of Bereshit of Genesis. And I personally love Genesis. I love our
00:27:27.680 forefathers. I love Abraham and Isaac and Jacob. I love our foremothers. I love all of the stories
00:27:34.860 because the characters and the people in the Bible are just so real. Nobody's perfect. They are all real
00:27:44.040 human beings who make real mistakes, who deal with real tragedies and real struggles, just like we do.
00:27:51.140 And they're there for us to learn lessons. They're not supposed to be people that we look up to and
00:27:56.800 say like, well, they were perfect and I'll never reach that. We're supposed to look up to our ancestors,
00:28:02.840 to the people who created our faith, who were there at the beginning and everything,
00:28:07.520 to see how we can learn from them and grow. So in this parasha, in this Torah portion,
00:28:17.120 Jacob is dying and he calls Joseph to him and he has him bring Manasseh and Ephraim,
00:28:25.420 Manasseh and Ephraim in Hebrew. And he gives them a blessing. But if you remember,
00:28:32.360 he crosses his hands or at least puts his right hand on the younger sibling and his left hand on
00:28:40.300 the older sibling. So he gives the firstborn blessing to the younger sibling, which is a repeat
00:28:47.400 of what happened with him, where Isaac gave the younger brother, Jacob, the firstborn blessing.
00:28:57.060 And after that happens, he kind of gives the 12 tribes their stories of like what's going to happen
00:29:09.880 to them and what they hold, what their futures hold. So following that, Jacob dies. He's brought to
00:29:21.540 Israel to be buried and to Canaan at the time. And the brothers come to Joseph and they say,
00:29:31.100 please forgive us for what we did. Please don't hold it against us. If you remember, the brothers
00:29:35.700 sold Joseph basically into slavery, and then he ended up rising the ranks in Egypt. And Joseph says,
00:29:41.060 of course, I'll forgive you. And then Joseph himself dies. And that's the end of the first book of the Torah.
00:29:48.300 But what's so interesting about the Torah and Genesis is the sibling rivalries, the marriages,
00:29:59.800 the relationships with the children and between them. We see so much family strife, right? We've got
00:30:08.080 Esau and Isaac. We've got Jacob and then his story with Rachel and Leah.
00:30:18.300 Right? That's the marriages that he has to deal with. And then Bilhah and Zilchah as well. They're
00:30:23.500 handmaids. We have, you know, Ishmael and Isaac. We have, or rather it's Esau and Jacob, excuse me,
00:30:35.800 from before. But what's so interesting about it is that so much of the story of the Torah shows
00:30:43.820 family strife and that it's simply built into the structure of the world, the way that these families,
00:30:54.020 even from the very beginning are built, are built to have these, these family struggles.
00:31:01.940 Siblings are not getting along. Younger children get firstborn rights. Marriages are not going smoothly
00:31:13.400 and uncle relationships don't work out well either. There's quite a bit of struggle that's built into
00:31:23.220 and baked into the Torah. And as people who are traditional and who look to marriage as such an
00:31:31.180 important part of our lives, we might think when things are stressful between spouses or when things
00:31:39.020 are stressful within families, you know, parent to child, that we're doing something wrong or that
00:31:47.600 we're failing or that this isn't a godly, a godly way of approaching our families.
00:31:58.280 But if you look to the Torah, you'll see that that's not the case.
00:32:05.340 If you're struggling with that, it doesn't make you a worse Christian or a worse Jew. It just means you
00:32:12.220 are going through the same things our forefathers did. And you also have to navigate it.
00:32:17.600 And luckily, you have a blueprint for kind of how to do it or what not to do.
00:32:24.040 The people in the Torah are just that. They're just people.
00:32:28.180 They aren't any more than we are or any less. Now, of course, in some ways they are more, but
00:32:33.580 they're also just humans. And yet we learn from them and look up to them because they did amazing
00:32:40.360 things despite also going through trials and tribulations and making mistakes.
00:32:44.600 It's important for us to know that God understands your familial struggles because he created the
00:32:51.960 world in this way from the very beginning. Families are not supposed to be perfect.
00:32:59.780 We can strive for goodness. We can strive for perfection. And I put that in quotes.
00:33:06.660 But even from the very beginning, that wasn't the way things were built. People don't always get
00:33:14.540 along. People don't always make the choices we would hope they would. And that is part of being
00:33:23.400 alive, is navigating these relationships that are so absolutely important.
00:33:29.420 But it doesn't make it worse. It doesn't make you a bad person to have those struggles in your life.
00:33:42.180 Just makes you part of the way that God created the world.
00:33:48.160 So you're not alone. And I don't even mean from the sense of you're not alone because there are other
00:33:53.860 people you know who are going through it. I mean it in the sense of you are not alone because God
00:34:00.100 built this in, like he baked it into our world. He baked it into the way things work.
00:34:07.200 So it's up to us to work through that, but it's also up to us to understand that it's okay when we're
00:34:12.780 going through it.
00:34:13.340 So that is it for our faith talk. But let's hop into our last segment for today, which is our
00:34:22.980 subscriber questions. So let's start with this question. How do you feel about stay-at-home
00:34:30.820 husbands if the woman's job allows them to be more than financially stable?
00:34:35.460 I would say that when it comes to kind of who goes to work and who stays home,
00:34:48.260 you always have to understand that the most important question is how is the family going
00:34:54.420 to be provided for? If that means that the mother is the one working and the father is the one at home,
00:35:00.900 that's okay. That's how I grew up. My dad was a stay-at-home dad and my mom worked and that was
00:35:07.220 how our family needed to be structured. But if that doesn't have to be the case, if there's a situation
00:35:13.800 in which the husband could make enough for the family to survive and do well and the mom could stay
00:35:22.460 at home, then that, in my opinion, is the ideal situation. I think it's generally better to have
00:35:29.220 the mom at home for everybody's sake in the sense that women like to be at home with their kids.
00:35:34.960 They enjoy their children. And fathers, I think a lot of men need to feel like they're providing
00:35:41.840 for their families. And the children benefit from having a mom who's home. So if you can make that
00:35:51.420 work, I generally try to advise people towards that direction. But if that's just simply not going to
00:36:00.700 happen and that's not the case, then you have to do what's going to provide for your family.
00:36:05.480 So if the woman's job allows the family to be more financially stable,
00:36:12.160 then maybe she needs to work and the husband can stay home.
00:36:16.840 But I would say in any other case, having the mom at home is a better situation if it can be managed.
00:36:28.620 Next question is, as a new mom to two and a working mom, I'm struggling with what I thought
00:36:34.220 this journey would look like and what it is. I am loving my babies and I'm struggling with the fact
00:36:39.680 that I have to work. I work two days out of the home and one day from home. I am luckier than so
00:36:46.140 many people. I currently have a nanny for two days. I still feel so torn. I feel like I'm never fully
00:36:53.200 present as a mom because there is always work to do. I'm a professor, work never stops. And at work,
00:36:59.040 I feel bad I'm not with my babies. Logically, I know that good children have been raised and raised
00:37:04.380 well in all kinds of families. But still, I feel like I'm not being the best mom by not staying home.
00:37:10.520 I believe in traditional values. I want to homeschool one day. My husband works overtime
00:37:15.660 all the time to make me stay at home one day. And still, I feel guilty. It doesn't make sense.
00:37:21.760 How do you manage the expectations you had of motherhood to the realities?
00:37:24.940 That's a great question. And I want to say I get it very much so. Because I think that
00:37:35.120 for me, I'm constantly trying to balance motherhood, wifehood, content creation,
00:37:43.360 community involvement, all of the different things that I do. The work-life balance is real.
00:37:50.040 Even if your work is homemaking, it's real. Just trying to get everything done with a toddler
00:37:57.480 that's running around is very, very hard. But I think one of the things, first of all,
00:38:05.180 you're doing absolutely everything you can to be at home with your kids. So I would not feel guilty
00:38:10.360 at all if I were you. Like, you are doing everything right. Your husband working as hard as he is,
00:38:17.980 I mean, what a blessing, truly. The fact that you're able to be at home with your kids as much
00:38:24.200 as you are, a really, really wonderful thing. And you're not doing anything wrong by trying to make
00:38:32.500 it a situation where you get to be home with your kids. And you're not a bad mom for not staying home
00:38:38.780 when you can't. I mean, there's so many amazing moms out there that have to work.
00:38:48.100 I mean, that's the most important thing is getting food on the table, making sure there's shelter,
00:38:52.260 making sure there's those things that you all really need to survive.
00:38:55.960 So one of the things that I've found is that is helpful, is that I always feel like I need to be
00:39:07.080 really, like, directed with my son. That if I'm not paying full attention to him and, like,
00:39:14.160 Montessori-style being with him and working on his development and making sure he's, like,
00:39:19.740 learning to be independent with my involvement, that I'm, like, not being as good of a mom as I
00:39:23.800 should. And the thing that I always remember is for generations, for thousands of years,
00:39:32.660 women had the children at home and the children were not getting directed attention. They were
00:39:38.080 just there while the mom was trying to get everything done. And the way that they learned
00:39:41.880 was by watching or participating. And so it's not about us as moms always needing to put our entire
00:39:49.720 focus on our kids. It's about us as moms having the kids learn by being a part of the daily routine,
00:39:58.720 by being part of the daily actions and all of that. If you're putting your kid in front of a TV so you
00:40:03.460 can get things done, maybe not the best move. But if you are having your child just kind of be around
00:40:10.440 while you do things, I think that's great. Like, that is the most positive thing, is having your baby
00:40:16.640 help you while you do things. And yes, it might slow things down, but that's not the big thing.
00:40:23.700 The big thing is that the baby's with you and learning. You don't have to feel bad for
00:40:31.680 not being the stay-at-home mom you wished you could have been. And as far as managing your expectations
00:40:41.820 of motherhood, motherhood is really about
00:40:46.340 doing your best to raise this little person and bring them to the best person that they can be.
00:40:54.720 And what that looks like is a little different for everybody.
00:40:58.540 You know, for me, like I mentioned, it's about having my son watch what I'm doing and participate.
00:41:03.880 But for you, that will look different because what you do each day may look different than what I do
00:41:11.000 each day. If you are being an involved mom and you are putting your children first and you're
00:41:19.400 prioritizing, I think that you're doing everything right. And managing those expectations really comes
00:41:26.900 down to, like I mentioned, knowing how motherhood was dealt with for thousands of years before it
00:41:36.320 became like this really intensive project where people either outsource the project of motherhood
00:41:44.340 to somebody else so that they can go out and work and do their own thing, or where you as mom have to
00:41:51.700 be like in it all day, completely focused on your child. Being a mom is about being there for your
00:41:58.760 baby, but in the sense that they're learning along with you, alongside you. That's my answer for that
00:42:09.820 question. And that is today's episode of the Classically Abbey podcast. I hope you guys enjoyed it.
00:42:16.460 Let me know your thoughts in the comments on YouTube or head over to my sub stack where you'll be able
00:42:21.640 to comment on my post. I'm so glad you're here and make sure to subscribe to my sub stack newsletter
00:42:27.920 so that you can submit questions for future podcast episodes to my YouTube and to this podcast wherever
00:42:34.840 you listen. Thank you guys so much for being a part of today's episode and we'll chat in the next one. Bye.
00:42:51.640 Bye.