The Classically Abby Podcast - January 17, 2023


Ep 2 ｜ 9 Ways To LOVE Single Life (And Stay Classic!)


Episode Stats

Length

1 hour and 4 minutes

Words per Minute

169.19133

Word Count

10,957

Sentence Count

727

Misogynist Sentences

27

Hate Speech Sentences

38


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Nine ways to embrace singledom as a classic woman, how strong the women in the Bible are,
00:00:06.440 and how long should someone date before getting married.
00:00:09.460 All this and more on today's episode of the Classically Abbey podcast.
00:00:30.000 Hello and welcome to today's episode of the Classically Abbey podcast.
00:00:34.700 I'm so glad you are here.
00:00:36.900 This is episode number two, so we're getting into things.
00:00:40.840 I really am enjoying recording, just sitting down and chatting.
00:00:46.140 I was really nervous about it.
00:00:47.380 I kind of mentioned it in the last episode, just sitting down and talking for 45 minutes.
00:00:52.200 But it turns out I actually kind of like it.
00:00:54.480 And you guys have been really enjoying it too.
00:00:56.460 We've been getting a lot of great feedback.
00:00:58.460 So that's pretty awesome.
00:01:01.060 But if you missed the first episode, then you won't know how this is structured.
00:01:05.660 So in every episode, we do four segments.
00:01:07.820 We start off by doing an intro and catching up.
00:01:11.040 Then we do the main portion, the main topic of the episode,
00:01:14.860 followed up by the faith talk, where I give you guys a little bit of insight into the Torah for me,
00:01:21.860 the Bible, the Old Testament for you, if you're Christian.
00:01:25.280 And then we go ahead to subscriber questions.
00:01:28.460 So if you are a premium subscriber to my Substack newsletter, you will get access to the opportunity
00:01:34.080 to submit questions for every episode.
00:01:36.780 And I will choose a couple of those questions each week to answer.
00:01:40.320 Now, I also want to do a quick plug for my Substack newsletter.
00:01:43.880 If you aren't subscribed to my Substack newsletter, you should definitely check it out.
00:01:47.560 You will get a ton of exclusive content, including access to my book club, my movie club, our community.
00:01:54.260 We have discussion threads, a weekly exclusive article and submitting questions for videos and podcasts just like this.
00:02:02.260 So I would love if you would join us over there.
00:02:04.840 But I'm so glad that you're here.
00:02:06.260 And if you are enjoying the episode, make sure to subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts
00:02:11.600 and subscribe on my YouTube channel so you can watch it.
00:02:15.140 So let's just hop right into the life updates.
00:02:18.540 So that's kind of what I like to talk about at the beginning is what's been going on in my life.
00:02:22.820 Maybe what's going on in the zeitgeist a little bit.
00:02:25.080 So maybe we'll start there.
00:02:26.460 Maybe we won't start with the life updates.
00:02:28.000 Maybe we'll start off with what's going on in the world.
00:02:30.860 And if you don't know, Prince Harry's new book, Spare, just came out.
00:02:36.400 And that is his book.
00:02:37.840 It's his tell all.
00:02:39.160 He's he's saying he's saying everything.
00:02:42.820 It's the gossip book of the year.
00:02:45.340 Now, I personally, if you've followed me for a while, you probably know this, but I personally
00:02:50.480 take issue with Meghan Markle and Prince Harry.
00:02:53.240 I don't really love that whole situation.
00:02:56.740 I don't like how they've treated their their removal.
00:03:01.820 No, they chose to leave.
00:03:03.400 They're leaving from the monarchy and the royal family and then how they've actually kept themselves
00:03:09.300 in the spotlight consistently and constantly because Meghan complained about how awful the
00:03:16.000 press was when she was princess.
00:03:18.380 I think many of us assumed, well, then she's going to want a more private life so she doesn't
00:03:22.860 have to deal with that constantly.
00:03:25.140 But instead, she is constantly in the limelight.
00:03:28.860 She's constantly putting herself in to people's faces.
00:03:32.520 I mean, she was on Oprah.
00:03:34.000 She's got this this documentary on Netflix.
00:03:36.740 Now Prince Harry's coming out with his book.
00:03:38.160 And it's like, oh, my God, we are oversaturated in case you were wondering.
00:03:43.360 But Prince Harry's book just came out.
00:03:45.460 I just started listening to the Audible because I want to be able to talk about it here.
00:03:49.960 I neglected to watch the Harry and Meghan documentary on Netflix because, to be honest, I didn't
00:03:57.180 want to waste my time.
00:03:59.420 I don't know why I'm choosing to waste my time with the book.
00:04:01.960 But I thought, hey, if I'm going to continue to comment on this relationship, on Meghan and
00:04:09.300 Harry, then I should probably know what's up.
00:04:12.260 So I'm currently listening to it.
00:04:14.840 I'm about two chapters in.
00:04:18.460 It's not the best.
00:04:20.620 I'll just say that.
00:04:21.760 But I've got a ways to go.
00:04:25.000 So we'll see how it progresses.
00:04:27.960 If you are interested in the whole Harry, Meghan thing, I'd love to hear your thoughts in the
00:04:33.180 comments below.
00:04:33.880 You can leave the comments on YouTube or if you become a premium subscriber, you can leave
00:04:38.460 it on my sub stack where you can get access to my newsletters.
00:04:43.640 But yeah, so that's what's going on with that.
00:04:46.420 I'm actually reading four books right now.
00:04:49.360 I'm reading a book called The Queen by Andrew Morton.
00:04:52.400 It's a biography of Elizabeth, and that just happened to be the book I picked up at the
00:05:00.200 same time that Spare came out.
00:05:01.320 So now I'm reading two books about the monarchy, which is kind of funny.
00:05:04.720 And then I'm also reading a book called The Happiness Hypothesis, which I'm reading for
00:05:09.800 our book club for the Classically Abbey sub stack.
00:05:12.900 And my husband recommended it.
00:05:14.520 It's by Jonathan Haidt.
00:05:15.760 He's been talking about it for a long time.
00:05:17.380 I've read The Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt, but I haven't read The Happiness Hypothesis.
00:05:21.080 So that's what we're reading for book club.
00:05:22.580 And then I'm reading for the book club that I host for my community, a book called, I
00:05:29.000 think it's called Live in Love, and it's by Laura Akins.
00:05:33.560 I personally don't know anything about the country singer Thomas Rhett.
00:05:37.520 OK, let's just get that out of the way.
00:05:39.580 So Thomas Rhett is a country singer that all of my friends apparently love, and they love
00:05:44.360 that all of his music is about his wife, which 100% I agree.
00:05:47.700 That's awesome.
00:05:48.580 Like he's built his career off of just loving his wife so much.
00:05:52.680 And so his wife wrote a book, and they all decided that's what they wanted to read.
00:05:57.180 So that's what we're reading right now.
00:05:59.800 Four nonfiction books, I'm realizing, which is kind of a lot for me.
00:06:03.960 Generally, I prefer fiction.
00:06:05.300 But I will say, I'm pretty far into The Queen by Andrew Morton, loving it.
00:06:11.160 Really well written.
00:06:12.260 It doesn't feel super dry.
00:06:14.600 It feels like a story, which is my favorite way to read fiction.
00:06:17.580 Um, and I haven't started The Happiness Hypothesis quite yet.
00:06:22.500 That's on, it's on the docket.
00:06:24.220 And I started listening to Live in Love, super sweet.
00:06:27.560 I mean, she seems like a sweetheart.
00:06:29.520 And, uh, I look forward to actually listening to the rest of the book.
00:06:32.280 So that's what's been going on in my reading life.
00:06:35.480 If you're reading something, let us know.
00:06:37.400 But I also wanted to mention that my husband and I hosted a murder mystery party.
00:06:43.460 And it was so much fun.
00:06:46.100 If you've been wondering, are murder mystery parties that you host at home fun?
00:06:49.880 Like, are they worth it?
00:06:51.180 Did you watch The Glass Onion and think, hey, I want to host my own murder mystery party?
00:06:56.600 Um, you should do it.
00:06:57.840 It's really, really fun.
00:06:59.100 And ours was themed.
00:07:00.300 So everyone had to dress up in the 1930s fashions.
00:07:04.540 And we put a little, like, ambiance movie film.
00:07:08.900 Let's call it a video, uh, from YouTube, uh, on our TV screen.
00:07:13.700 And then we also listened to some 1930s classics.
00:07:17.500 So it was super fun.
00:07:20.060 Everyone so got into it.
00:07:21.680 Everyone had an accent.
00:07:22.660 They had, like, weird characteristics and secret traits, which made it so much funnier.
00:07:27.260 And because everyone totally committed, that was what made it fun.
00:07:30.920 So that's, I think, the big lesson and takeaway from our murder mystery party is if you're going
00:07:35.340 to host something like that, make sure that everyone is really committed to being in character
00:07:41.580 and just going all out.
00:07:43.480 Because number one, that means people won't flake.
00:07:45.540 I wrote a whole article about this.
00:07:46.980 But if your friends have buy-in to an event that you're hosting, then they're not going
00:07:51.780 to flake as easily.
00:07:53.220 And number two, people just really enjoy doing something that has that much investment.
00:08:00.160 And so it was a lot of fun.
00:08:02.200 People were supposed to leave.
00:08:03.540 Like, we assumed people would leave around 11.
00:08:05.580 People stay till one in the morning.
00:08:07.120 And we all have kids.
00:08:08.440 We're, we all have parents.
00:08:09.440 Like, we're all parents.
00:08:11.280 But we made it work.
00:08:12.600 So definitely recommend doing a murder mystery party.
00:08:15.660 I picked mine up from TJ Maxx for, like, $17.
00:08:18.840 You can just buy a box from TJ Maxx or Marshalls or something.
00:08:22.300 Or they probably have them on Amazon, too.
00:08:24.220 So highly recommend.
00:08:26.020 I also hosted an impromptu grilling get-together because my husband just got a new grill.
00:08:30.880 And I wanted to have him celebrate that with our friends.
00:08:36.660 And just the day of, I texted a bunch of my friends.
00:08:39.280 And I said, hey, do you guys want to come over and, like, bring steaks?
00:08:43.580 Bring steaks or bring ground beef and we'll make some food.
00:08:46.480 And I was so shocked because all of, I invited three couples and their kids.
00:08:50.560 And they all were like, yeah.
00:08:52.120 And so I was so happy because day of, they all agreed to come.
00:08:55.820 And that's the really cool thing about being in a community.
00:08:57.840 I highly recommend it.
00:09:00.900 So a little, a couple of other things I wanted to talk about.
00:09:06.520 The Sweat app.
00:09:07.680 So I got a question from a premium Substack subscriber.
00:09:13.160 And I didn't necessarily want to make it, like, a subscriber question to talk about.
00:09:16.720 But she kind of was asking about my workout routine and what I'm doing.
00:09:21.500 And at this point, my workout routine is the Sweat app.
00:09:27.020 I do the Sweat app.
00:09:28.440 And I am, I really, really like it.
00:09:31.120 Like, it's been a great thing for me.
00:09:33.940 It keeps me consistent.
00:09:35.480 And I can choose the length of the workouts that I'm doing.
00:09:39.720 So they range from, you know, 20 minutes to an hour.
00:09:43.180 But I really only have 25 to 30 minutes in the morning when my mom comes to babysit Mr. Baby.
00:09:48.880 So I have been able to work out four days a week.
00:09:53.160 I have dumbbells and a bench.
00:09:55.580 That's all that I have.
00:09:56.520 And that has been more than enough.
00:09:58.120 I've seen a change in my body.
00:09:59.320 I feel physically really good.
00:10:00.900 I'm starting to lose a little bit of baby weight that I've been, like, excited to lose.
00:10:05.560 And that's been a great thing for me.
00:10:08.200 Now, I signed up for it when they were having a sale for Christmas.
00:10:12.560 But it's still not super expensive.
00:10:14.900 And it's way cheaper than, like, a gym membership.
00:10:18.520 So if you want to work out from home, or really you can do the workouts that they have at the gym, too,
00:10:23.920 because they have all of their exercise regimens are based around what equipment you have.
00:10:31.020 So if you have a gym membership and you want, like, guidance about what to do and how to use that equipment at the gym,
00:10:37.360 then the Sweat app would be amazing for that, too.
00:10:40.440 But if you're doing home workouts and you only have a couple things, like bands or dumbbells or, I don't know, a yoga mat,
00:10:49.420 like, that will – they can work with that.
00:10:52.180 And so I've really enjoyed the Sweat app.
00:10:54.160 Last thing we're going to talk about in life updates is I wanted to make a little recommendation
00:11:01.840 because it's something that I find so helpful.
00:11:05.460 So I have a notebook that I use to brain dump my to-do list every single day.
00:11:12.000 And it is so helpful having the ability to just sit down and write down everything I need to do.
00:11:19.880 And then I, like, throughout the day will go back to that list, cross things off,
00:11:24.540 or I will reorganize them based on priority.
00:11:28.180 And by the end of the day, like, the page that I have marked out for that day has so many notes and scribbles on it
00:11:34.600 that has helped me figure out, okay, so this took longer than I expected and this didn't get done yet.
00:11:40.060 So how can I re-jigger the day to make sure that I get everything done?
00:11:45.480 And that has been a game changer.
00:11:48.000 So if you are like me and you think on paper, because that's really what it is, I think on paper,
00:11:53.440 then I really recommend picking up a notebook and a pretty one, too,
00:11:57.620 because I like having one that I enjoy picking up.
00:12:00.500 Buy some pens you like or find one around your house and just have a piece of paper
00:12:05.620 always available to you to write down little notes, to write down your to-do list,
00:12:09.680 to write down your schedule and keep your head on straight as you're kind of taking on the day.
00:12:16.280 So let's get into the main portion of today's episode, which is nine ways to embrace singledom.
00:12:23.440 As a classic woman.
00:12:25.080 So as you know, here on my podcast and on my YouTube channel, I talk a lot about faith,
00:12:31.780 family, and community.
00:12:32.820 And I talk about how important marriage and motherhood is.
00:12:36.780 Now, I think those things are really important.
00:12:39.540 But as a single person, I think that we can feel guilty or not worthy or like our lives don't matter
00:12:47.800 until we get married and have children.
00:12:49.740 And that is totally incorrect.
00:12:51.760 And that is not the point I'm trying to get across here.
00:12:53.780 One thing I do want to clarify before getting into the main bit of what we're talking about
00:12:58.020 is my content is really geared towards explaining to those women who don't know
00:13:05.800 that it's important to to make their lives conducive to having children and a family.
00:13:13.520 That that that is the goal, right?
00:13:17.240 That everything else, all this leftist narrative, all this media that's going to tell you that
00:13:22.380 it's important for you to find yourself outside of marriage and family, that that stuff is
00:13:28.700 really not going to make you happy.
00:13:30.540 And so when I am being a proponent of this stuff, it's from the perspective of trying to
00:13:37.420 convince those women who or at least give them a space to pursue tradition and pursue the
00:13:46.980 things that traditionally have made women happy and that they don't have to feel guilty about
00:13:50.640 that.
00:13:51.000 So when I talk about marriage and family, that's where that's coming from.
00:13:54.160 It is not meant to make those women who are actively trying to find a husband or are actively
00:14:02.160 trying to have children feel bad about themselves because you get the project like you understand
00:14:07.860 what we're here for, but your path may not be there yet or you may be going in a different
00:14:12.640 direction and that's OK.
00:14:14.500 So I think that being single is actually great and I loved being single.
00:14:19.500 There's a reason that we weren't born in pairs.
00:14:22.800 There's a reason that we weren't born with the person we're going to end up with and that
00:14:27.080 we don't have children immediately, right?
00:14:29.340 Because there is an important stage of singleness that allows us to become better on our own
00:14:36.600 so that when we come together with our future spouse, we already know what we're about and
00:14:41.280 or we can grow with them.
00:14:42.860 But it's not supposed to be that you are with the person you're going to end up with from
00:14:47.740 the time you're born.
00:14:48.560 That's just not the way it's supposed to be.
00:14:50.140 God didn't build the world that way.
00:14:51.340 So if God didn't build the world that way, then it's important that we understand the importance
00:14:55.140 of this single era of our lives.
00:14:58.000 And I want to talk about how you can enjoy it as a classic woman, how you can really
00:15:03.740 learn to love this time of your life, even if you are interested in a bigger goal later
00:15:11.600 on, like something I talk about and I have mentioned before is the idea that you can love
00:15:17.640 where you're at while also having an eye towards the future.
00:15:20.960 You don't have to hate where you're at in order to make moves to change or make moves to
00:15:26.700 do something different.
00:15:27.760 For example, losing weight.
00:15:30.080 I think that's a very good example.
00:15:31.940 People often think that if you say you are losing weight, it means you hate your body
00:15:36.340 where it's at.
00:15:37.320 No, you can love your body for everything it's doing for you.
00:15:41.260 You can enjoy dressing it.
00:15:42.920 You can enjoy being who you are and comfortable in your skin while also saying, I'd like to
00:15:48.100 lose a couple pounds to be healthier or I'd like to lose a couple pounds so that I can
00:15:51.600 fit into clothes a little bit differently.
00:15:53.100 But that doesn't mean I hate where I'm at.
00:15:54.740 It doesn't mean I hate my body.
00:15:56.440 It just means that I can recognize that maybe there's some improvement that can go on there.
00:15:59.760 The same thing happens and is relevant when it comes to being single.
00:16:03.900 I loved being single.
00:16:05.560 I thought it was super fun.
00:16:07.160 I enjoyed my time as a single woman while at the same time, I knew that I wanted to get
00:16:14.940 married and have a family.
00:16:16.140 And because I wanted those things and I didn't have them at the time, you're not always going
00:16:21.380 to be happy being single, right?
00:16:23.100 Like it's not always that comfortable.
00:16:25.080 So with that in mind, I want to talk about nine ways you can embrace this single time
00:16:30.780 in your life.
00:16:31.300 So let's start with number one.
00:16:33.000 Take yourself on dates.
00:16:35.540 Now, I used to do this all the time and I miss it.
00:16:38.940 Like I loved it.
00:16:40.000 I would take an entire day and do things by myself that I wanted to do.
00:16:45.560 I would go see movies.
00:16:47.480 I would read a book at lunch.
00:16:48.880 I would like take myself out to a restaurant, read a book, get a glass of wine and just enjoy
00:16:54.060 myself.
00:16:54.960 I would go to museums by myself, which I cannot recommend enough.
00:16:59.380 Going to a museum on your own, on your own schedule where you don't have to follow someone
00:17:03.420 else around, where you can just sit and take in the art as much and as in your own way
00:17:09.440 as possible, where you can sit and sketch if you want to and you don't feel the pressure
00:17:13.220 to move on and just taking a whole day and enjoying it.
00:17:19.040 There's something so special about the time of being single where you get to do this.
00:17:24.020 You don't really get to do this at other parts of your life where you'll just do things
00:17:28.460 alone because you can, because you want to.
00:17:33.020 Just I loved seeing movies by myself because I liked the chilled out nature of it where no
00:17:40.000 one else was, I wasn't looking at somebody else for their reaction.
00:17:43.300 I could just take in the movie on my own and see what I thought.
00:17:46.680 Like I wasn't constantly checking in with the person next to me.
00:17:49.960 Are they thinking it's funny or do they think this is boring?
00:17:52.940 It was just my own experience on my own.
00:17:56.760 I loved going out to lunch by myself because I didn't have to like sit there and talk to
00:18:01.800 someone or impress them.
00:18:03.640 It was just about me enjoying the food.
00:18:06.580 Now, when you're married, obviously, it's not like that you're with somebody you love
00:18:10.520 and you're enjoying eating with them.
00:18:11.720 But there is something really special about going to a restaurant, reading a book and hanging
00:18:17.420 out by yourself.
00:18:19.140 And I just think we don't take advantage of that enough when we're single.
00:18:23.320 We're always and I understand because, again, this is something I think about a lot, the
00:18:28.420 idea of the sphere of loneliness.
00:18:30.040 But there's also something to be said for solitude and solitude is rarer as you get married and
00:18:39.380 as you have children.
00:18:40.240 So this time of your life where you are single, take advantage of the solitude and do things
00:18:45.800 on your own schedule.
00:18:46.740 Take yourself on a date.
00:18:48.220 Go do something that you haven't gotten to do because maybe someone else's schedule hasn't
00:18:53.420 worked with it.
00:18:54.160 So do it yourself.
00:18:55.200 If there is a an exhibit you want to see or if there is a place you want to visit, like
00:19:00.500 go on your own.
00:19:01.680 Why not?
00:19:03.120 And enjoy the your own company.
00:19:06.000 Really enjoy your own company.
00:19:07.920 You can also listen to podcasts if you don't really want to walk around in the silence.
00:19:13.540 I mean, I think that there is something to be said for walking around in silence, but
00:19:16.280 you can also put on some music, which I've done just because it's like giving yourself
00:19:20.980 a background score while you are experiencing life.
00:19:25.060 And I love that.
00:19:26.660 So take yourself on a date.
00:19:29.440 That's number one.
00:19:30.940 Number two, host parties for your girlfriends.
00:19:34.420 You will learn the art of hosting through hosting.
00:19:38.060 And I think that not enough women, not enough people know how to host parties, know how to
00:19:43.940 host dinners.
00:19:44.960 So have your girlfriends over for like once a month for different things.
00:19:50.620 You can have a book club like I do.
00:19:52.280 You can host them for dinner.
00:19:54.500 You can have a costume party.
00:19:56.180 You can do a murder mystery party, like I mentioned, and just learn how to host by hosting.
00:20:01.940 But also enjoy the the fun of hosting your friends, making, you know, choosing plates
00:20:11.120 and cutlery and decorating or just learn it.
00:20:14.940 Maybe you learn something new in the kitchen.
00:20:17.000 And so you want to cook something cool.
00:20:18.540 So you you cook something for them so that they can try it.
00:20:21.640 Or maybe you just want to dress up.
00:20:23.380 You got an outfit that you want to share with your friends.
00:20:25.400 So you decide to have a costume party or you decide to have like a dressy get together.
00:20:31.580 Why not host more?
00:20:33.160 I think that we don't do that enough in today's day and age.
00:20:35.640 And it makes me really sad because I've found that people aren't comfortable having people
00:20:39.800 at their homes because they think of it as like too much work.
00:20:42.340 You will stand out if you are the person who hosts in your friend group.
00:20:47.500 You will become that person that people think of as responsible, as fun, as dependable, but
00:20:53.760 also as just a cool person.
00:20:56.420 I mean, and then you can branch out like you can start off with just your girlfriends.
00:21:00.280 And then if you want to start doing social events at your home or at your apartment, then
00:21:06.180 you can meet people.
00:21:08.200 And that's a pretty cool thing.
00:21:09.280 You can sort of create a situation where you are setting up your own singles events in a
00:21:14.320 way.
00:21:14.740 And that's a fun way to introduce yourself to new people.
00:21:19.260 I have this idea that I've mentioned to people before that you can do parties where it's
00:21:24.260 like every person needs to bring someone that the host hasn't met.
00:21:28.520 And so then you're getting a really cool, eclectic group of people, but they've been
00:21:32.720 vetted by the people you already like.
00:21:34.380 So you know that you're probably going to like the people they're bringing to.
00:21:37.880 So that's number two.
00:21:39.360 Host parties for your girlfriends.
00:21:43.000 Okay.
00:21:43.820 Number three.
00:21:45.440 Number three is to experiment with your style and makeup.
00:21:50.080 I talk about style quite a bit because I think that style is a reflection of your personality.
00:21:57.920 And so this is the time of your life.
00:22:00.360 Now you're, you're always constantly changing, but this is the time of your life where you're
00:22:05.120 really figuring out who you are.
00:22:07.640 And so choosing clothing, figuring out your style at this point is going to be so much fun
00:22:14.380 because you can choose what you want to wear, what you like, and really, you know,
00:22:19.240 not take into consideration your spouse's tastes.
00:22:22.980 So when you get married, it's important to dress in a way that your spouse finds attractive,
00:22:26.780 that your spouse likes, that your spouse enjoys.
00:22:29.220 And when you are single, you don't have to worry about that quite yet.
00:22:33.120 So you can just figure out your style.
00:22:35.580 Now, most of the time, the way that you dress actually will attract the kind of guy who is
00:22:40.380 attracted to that style of dressing.
00:22:41.980 So if you discover that you really like to wear a lot of flower print dresses, you'll,
00:22:49.420 because that is a reflection of your personality, you'll find that the guys you're attracting
00:22:54.020 are attracted to women who wear flower print dresses.
00:22:57.220 If you haven't really discovered your style yet, if you're just kind of doing leggings
00:23:01.580 and sweatshirts, which not to say, that's not to say that isn't a style, but if you're
00:23:05.780 doing it just because it's easy and without thinking, then you might address, you might
00:23:10.480 attract guys who like that style.
00:23:12.280 And then as you discover your sense of style afterwards, maybe your husband doesn't like
00:23:17.720 it so much.
00:23:18.140 And then you kind of have to balance things a little more.
00:23:20.480 Whereas if you figure out your style before you meet your husband, then you are attracting
00:23:26.880 a guy who's also likes the way that you dress.
00:23:29.920 So that's a cool thing, but it also gives you room to just experiment in this time of
00:23:35.280 your single life with clothing that you like.
00:23:38.080 You can try all different things.
00:23:40.780 I know that when I was single, I really went through quite a lot of different phases with the
00:23:46.440 way that I dressed and I found by the time I met my husband that I really enjoyed dressing
00:23:54.040 in more of a classic way.
00:23:55.760 Now, at the time I wasn't dressing modestly quite yet, but now it's all incorporated into
00:24:00.360 one thing.
00:24:00.800 It's like modest and classic and that makes me really happy.
00:24:04.240 And you can also experiment with your makeup.
00:24:06.920 I love makeup.
00:24:08.460 Not everybody like enjoys the process and creativity of makeup as much as I do.
00:24:12.660 That's something that I really love, but you can figure out your signature style.
00:24:18.400 You can figure out if you are a red lip person, you can figure out if you are a foundation
00:24:22.460 person, you can figure out if you like a cat eye, or you can figure out that maybe you really
00:24:26.840 just like a tinted moisturizer and nothing more.
00:24:29.300 But this is the time to discover what you're comfortable with when it comes to your makeup,
00:24:34.780 how to accentuate your best features.
00:24:37.420 I'm a big mascara person.
00:24:39.240 I love mascara.
00:24:40.000 If I could do one thing and nothing else, it would be mascara.
00:24:43.740 And you'll find what is the most beautiful thing about you by discovering what makeup
00:24:50.700 accentuates about you.
00:24:52.160 So that is number four.
00:24:54.020 Or rather, that is number three.
00:24:55.980 Experiment with your style and makeup.
00:24:59.620 Number four is go to art classes or audition for theater productions.
00:25:05.220 Who doesn't love art?
00:25:06.540 Who doesn't love learning a new skill in the arts?
00:25:11.020 I, when I was younger in high school, I went to summer programs where I would learn how to
00:25:16.200 sketch and draw.
00:25:16.860 I thought I was going to be a fashion designer.
00:25:18.120 So I did that kind of thing.
00:25:19.960 I also love performing.
00:25:21.440 I love auditioning for theater productions.
00:25:24.200 And once you get married and once you have kids, you're not going to have time to do a
00:25:28.180 community theater production.
00:25:29.360 But when you're single, you do.
00:25:31.560 So this is the time to take an art class or to audition for a theater production that you
00:25:38.040 want to try out for and see if you get to do because you'll have time to go to the rehearsals.
00:25:42.080 I love the idea of finding things to do with your time that are both productive in the sense that
00:25:50.020 you're creating something and actually just creative.
00:25:53.780 Like you're doing something wonderful with your time where at the end you're saying, oh,
00:25:58.380 I learned something or I made a project or I'm participating in a production that I'm really
00:26:03.260 proud of.
00:26:04.000 And that's something that you get to do when you're single.
00:26:06.380 You'll have the opportunity, the time to do those things and you're improving yourself.
00:26:11.880 These are such classic things that you get to take advantage of when you are single.
00:26:17.020 So number four is go to art classes or audition for theater productions.
00:26:22.720 Number five is volunteer for causes you care about.
00:26:27.280 It's so important at this stage to put yourself in positions where you can help the things that
00:26:35.980 you care about, right?
00:26:37.080 So, for example, if you are pro-life, volunteering for pro-life organizations, volunteering at pregnancy
00:26:45.960 crisis centers, you can make a difference in people's lives by giving your time for free.
00:26:54.600 And think about already by all of the things that I'm talking about, like how much more
00:26:59.300 you'll have on your schedule if you do these things and all in a positive way.
00:27:04.940 You won't have time to be lonely if you are volunteering and going to art classes or being
00:27:11.380 in theater productions or experimenting with your style, like hosting parties for your girlfriends
00:27:15.860 you're not going to have time to be lonely.
00:27:17.960 And one of the things I always say, I'm getting a little sidetracked here, but one of the things
00:27:21.940 I always say is dating a person who is busy is very attractive.
00:27:27.600 When a guy asks you, are you busy like Thursday night or are you busy so-and-so time, if you
00:27:37.500 are always free, it's much less attractive than if you are like, no, actually I'm busy that
00:27:42.700 night, but I'd be free this night.
00:27:44.720 It's great when you have a busy schedule because then it doesn't look like you're desperate.
00:27:49.060 And the truth is you don't want to be desperate.
00:27:50.800 You don't want to have so much free time that you are always open to any date at any time
00:27:58.240 that a guy offers.
00:27:59.160 You would rather have other engagements and other things that you're doing with your life
00:28:03.600 and then dating fits into that.
00:28:06.560 So volunteering for causes you care about is number five.
00:28:09.920 And I think that's really important.
00:28:12.040 Number six, read as much as you can.
00:28:15.960 The classic woman is always reading.
00:28:17.800 It's always, you're always learning something.
00:28:19.860 You're always enjoying time by a fireplace or with a cup of tea or in your little reading
00:28:25.020 nook.
00:28:25.520 And you're just learning something, reading something, taking new information in.
00:28:30.860 And it can be nonfiction or fiction.
00:28:33.540 I mean, we can learn things from fiction too.
00:28:35.120 This is an amazing time of your life where you get to read without worrying about time.
00:28:41.920 You can just read because you want to and because you enjoy it.
00:28:47.140 Take advantage of it, man.
00:28:48.940 Read as much as you can.
00:28:50.300 And don't turn down opportunities to do other things because you're reading.
00:28:54.980 I think that can cross into dangerous territory.
00:28:56.740 But I think that if you have a few off minutes in an evening, instead of immediately hopping
00:29:02.020 on Netflix or immediately hopping on Amazon Prime, consider just pulling out a book and
00:29:06.580 reading because you'll always feel better when you finish a book than when you finish
00:29:11.640 a movie because you did something.
00:29:13.260 It's like in a way we think of reading as work.
00:29:16.560 And I don't mean that in a bad way, but there's something like you accomplish something.
00:29:19.460 You don't feel that same thing when you binge a show or when you binge a movie.
00:29:23.180 You don't feel like you accomplish something by doing it.
00:29:26.440 But with reading, you do.
00:29:28.260 And that is a really cool thing.
00:29:29.640 So number six is read as much as you can.
00:29:33.540 Number seven is find a church or a synagogue that you love.
00:29:38.640 This is the time to find a faith community that you enjoy.
00:29:44.960 And it's hard to do when you're single because a lot of faith communities are built around
00:29:48.920 married families.
00:29:50.780 But there are faith communities that are built for singles.
00:29:53.460 And that doesn't necessarily mean that that's going to be the one that you stick with, obviously,
00:29:57.080 after you get married and have children.
00:29:59.160 But at least having that support system when you're single can really make your life so
00:30:06.840 good and much better because other people are going through what you're going through.
00:30:11.040 And you're getting to serve God with people who are in the same place and stage of life.
00:30:15.160 Now, that doesn't mean that you can't find a church or synagogue that has a mix.
00:30:19.320 I mean, there are a ton that I know of where you have singles as well as married couples
00:30:25.120 with kids and everybody is together, which is a really great thing because then you're
00:30:29.060 getting to participate in the lives of young children, even when you don't have children
00:30:32.800 yourself, which I think is always wonderful.
00:30:34.360 But finding a good church or synagogue that you connect with will make all the difference
00:30:41.680 when you are single because you will have that strength that comes from being part of a good
00:30:49.640 faith community.
00:30:50.480 Number eight, if you have nieces and nephews or friends with children, babysit, learn how
00:30:58.560 to be around children.
00:31:00.840 I think a lot of people don't take don't know how to be around kids nowadays, like unless
00:31:07.280 you are from a family that has a lot of children and then your siblings have kids, a lot of people
00:31:13.420 don't know how to be around children.
00:31:15.260 And it's like it frightens them.
00:31:17.760 So now is the time to learn.
00:31:20.460 First of all, being around kids is super fun.
00:31:22.660 So why not?
00:31:23.680 But second of all, you learning how to interact with them, not even necessarily how to care
00:31:29.140 for them, although I think that's important, too.
00:31:30.740 But even just learning how to interact with kids is so important.
00:31:33.960 A lot of people don't even know how to do that.
00:31:35.860 They don't know that like kids like to be treated in many ways like little adults.
00:31:40.100 They want to be taken seriously and learning how to interact with kids is going to be so
00:31:47.380 helpful down the line.
00:31:48.960 And also, it's just wonderful to know.
00:31:51.060 I mean, even if you never have your own children, being somebody who's comfortable around kids
00:31:55.580 is so important and it's so lovely and it's so attractive.
00:32:00.040 So take the time now to learn how to do it because you will you will love it.
00:32:06.760 Being around babies, so fun being around kids, it's really it can bring you back to your own
00:32:14.740 child like what childlike sense of wonder.
00:32:18.220 So this is the time to learn how to act around kids, raise kids, take care of them.
00:32:28.320 Go ahead and do it now.
00:32:29.880 Why not get a head start?
00:32:31.180 And number nine is if you have nieces and nephews.
00:32:37.560 Oh, I already said that.
00:32:40.540 Number nine is go on as many dates as you can.
00:32:45.420 So I am somebody who believes that you should never say no to a first date.
00:32:50.200 I don't think you have to say yes to a second date.
00:32:51.960 Don't get me wrong.
00:32:52.960 But unless a guy's a creep or just really not not a good idea, say yes to every first date.
00:33:00.320 And you can decide what the length of that date will be in the sense that you if it's
00:33:05.380 a really promising situation, then maybe you can say, OK, I'll go to a movie and dinner
00:33:08.920 with you.
00:33:09.720 Or if it's somebody who you're like, I doubt that this is going to be anything like maybe
00:33:14.340 just a cup of coffee, but never say no because you don't know who the right guy is going to
00:33:20.280 be.
00:33:20.440 It might be someone who totally surprises you.
00:33:22.540 And saying no to somebody that you assume is bad for you is just that it's an assumption.
00:33:29.600 So you don't know if that's true.
00:33:31.560 On top of which, saying yes to every day you go on teaches you how to date.
00:33:37.040 It teaches you what you're looking for.
00:33:39.360 It teaches you what you want.
00:33:41.420 It teaches you how to interact and get comfortable with someone on in a weird situation because
00:33:47.180 let's be honest, dating is weird.
00:33:49.340 So going on as many dates as you can is my last piece of advice for how to embrace singledom
00:33:56.560 as a classic woman.
00:33:58.100 So those are the nine ways that you can go ahead and embrace this time of your life.
00:34:03.740 I think that you are an amazing time of your life and you should feel really good about it,
00:34:08.560 even if you are looking towards the future and you hope for more.
00:34:13.060 You hope for marriage, you hope for children, where you are now is not a bad place to be.
00:34:17.300 It's a beautiful place to be and you can do so much with the time that you have.
00:34:21.960 So enjoy it, love on it, be super happy about where you're at while also looking toward the
00:34:30.320 future.
00:34:31.640 So now let's get into today's faith talk.
00:34:34.400 So this week we are in Parshat Shmos, Parshat Shmos, which is the first Torah portion in Exodus.
00:34:44.180 And oh my gosh, so much happens in this Parshat.
00:34:48.080 I legitimately sat down to read it and I was like, oh, yay, this is the story of Egypt,
00:34:53.060 of the Jews and slavery and leaving Egypt.
00:34:56.380 This is like the story of the plagues.
00:34:58.580 This is the coolest story ever.
00:35:00.500 I love this Parshat.
00:35:01.600 And I had forgotten how much happens in this Torah portion.
00:35:05.380 It is ridiculous.
00:35:07.360 I sat down and I started reading and I was like, well, I could talk about this.
00:35:10.620 And I paused for a second and I was like, well, I guess I could, I could talk about this.
00:35:15.360 And then I paused and I was like, I could also talk about this.
00:35:19.060 I mean, there is so much to talk about.
00:35:22.020 And honestly, I had to talk with a friend for him to kind of say, you know,
00:35:26.920 what's so interesting about this Parshat?
00:35:28.460 And I was like, oh, that is interesting.
00:35:30.100 That is a really good place to start.
00:35:32.260 And that's a really good thing to talk about.
00:35:33.560 So here is a summary of what's going on in this Parshat.
00:35:38.320 First, the very beginning, Joseph dies and a new Pharaoh rises as king of Egypt.
00:35:44.640 He hates the Jews and begins by taxing them excessively.
00:35:49.580 Then he enslaves them.
00:35:51.120 And then he decrees that all baby boys must be thrown in the Nile.
00:35:55.040 Because the Jews are multiplying like crazy, Pharaoh is nervous.
00:35:58.900 He doesn't want to see them overtake the Egyptians and he doesn't like the Jews.
00:36:02.780 So that's why all of this is happening.
00:36:04.820 He calls two Hebrew midwives and tells them that they're the ones who are going to take care of these Jewish boys.
00:36:10.500 And they tell them, they tell Pharaoh that they can't get there in time
00:36:14.180 because the women are so adept at burying the children themselves.
00:36:17.860 Like they're their own midwives.
00:36:20.140 But Pharaoh doubles down on his decree.
00:36:21.920 Then Moses is born.
00:36:25.100 His mother, Yochaved, I don't know how to say that in English, hides him for three months.
00:36:30.200 But when she can no longer hide him, she pushes him out into the Nile in a basket where he is rescued by none other than Pharaoh's daughter.
00:36:37.140 She asks for a Hebrew nursemaid and a little girl named Miriam, who happens to be Moses' brother, sister, rather, runs home to her own mother and uses Moses' own mother as his nursemaid.
00:36:53.400 So it's interesting because he's partly raised in Pharaoh's home, which is obviously incredibly Egyptian, and partly raised in his own mother's home, which is very Jewish.
00:37:01.700 When he's grown, he sees an Egyptian striking a Jewish slave, and he kills the Egyptian.
00:37:09.440 When Moses realizes what he's done and that people are beginning to know what he's done, he runs away to Midian.
00:37:19.220 There he helps seven young women draw water from a well that a bunch of mean goat herds or shepherds had chased them away from.
00:37:29.740 And that's how he meets his wife.
00:37:32.380 That's how Moses meets his wife, Zipporah.
00:37:34.980 And we still haven't even gotten to the burning bush.
00:37:38.360 The burning bush happens in this Torah portion.
00:37:42.000 God speaks to Moses through the burning bush, and there's a very long and interesting conversation.
00:37:47.120 I debated whether I wanted to comment on it because Moses is so humble to the point where God actually gets frustrated.
00:37:54.140 Like, God gets angry at him for just constantly saying, shouldn't someone else do this?
00:37:59.460 Am I right for this role?
00:38:00.780 No one's going to believe me.
00:38:01.960 And God finally is like, dude, relax.
00:38:06.380 Your brother is going to help you because Moses had a stutter, and Aaron, his brother, did not, and he was going to orate for him.
00:38:13.340 So God speaks to Moses and directs him to return to Egypt and save the Jewish people.
00:38:20.280 On Moses' way back to Egypt, he is attacked by a snake, monster kind of thing, and it's because he hadn't circumcised his son.
00:38:31.020 So Zipporah recognized this because the snake had kind of swallowed Moses up until his nether regions, and she figured out, oh, this is a sign because we didn't circumcise our baby boy,
00:38:46.020 because we didn't know whether, like, there would be time for him to recover between our travel from Midian to Egypt.
00:38:52.240 But we were supposed to have done it.
00:38:53.820 I can't believe we didn't do it.
00:38:54.660 So she quickly circumcises her son and saves Moses' life.
00:38:58.120 Moses and Aaron go to Pharaoh and ask him to release the Jews, and he only makes their work even harder and punishes them even more.
00:39:07.820 And that's just the first Torah portion.
00:39:11.280 Like, what?
00:39:13.880 So much happens.
00:39:16.020 This iconic Moses in Egypt story, like, we have already done so much, and it's one Torah portion.
00:39:24.820 I know I keep going on about this, but I was shocked because, you know, to be honest, when you're in school, you're learning the chapters, the Parsha, like, the chapter itself, the Peric.
00:39:37.760 That's what it is in Hebrew.
00:39:39.420 We did learn the Torah portions in the sense that every week we knew that there was going to be a different Torah portion.
00:39:45.260 But I always thought of it as more in the chapters as opposed to, like, the sections, as opposed to the portions.
00:39:53.920 So each chapter has a normal amount of information.
00:39:59.420 Each Torah portion is like a full story, which is incredible.
00:40:04.400 So as you can see, when I kind of run you through the story, through the summary here, you can see why I was like, okay, what am I going to talk about?
00:40:14.060 But here's what I want to talk about.
00:40:17.340 Looking back on this Parsha, it's insane to me that anyone could say that the Bible doesn't respect women or doesn't think women are strong.
00:40:27.980 The women in this chapter save everyone.
00:40:31.280 We have the midwives who defend the Jewish people, right?
00:40:36.240 Shifra and Pua are their names, and they are the ones who go to Pharaoh and tell him, like, sorry, bud, the Jewish women, they're just too good at having babies.
00:40:45.720 We can't.
00:40:46.840 Nope, we can't stop it.
00:40:48.600 Sorry about that.
00:40:50.840 Which is amazing, right?
00:40:52.560 Then we have the Jewish women themselves who bear their children so powerfully and so quickly that they can't even be stopped.
00:41:01.280 Nobody could even stop the boys from being born because the women are so good at burying the children themselves.
00:41:07.180 We have Yocheved, Moses' mother, who protects her child from death.
00:41:12.380 For three months, she keeps him secret.
00:41:14.480 And then even then, she doesn't just, you know, give him up for death.
00:41:17.700 She tries to save his life by putting him on the Nile.
00:41:19.400 We have Pharaoh's daughter, who in kind of commentaries, we learn her name is Batia.
00:41:26.200 She saves Moses.
00:41:28.200 We have Miriam, Moses' sister, who brings Moses to the reeds.
00:41:33.320 She's the one who brings him to the Nile and then brings her mother as a nursemaid to Pharaoh's daughter.
00:41:38.640 And we have Tzipporah, who saves Moses by circumcising her own son.
00:41:45.920 She's the one who figures out through God's signs what needs to be done.
00:41:50.840 She does it.
00:41:51.520 She saves Moses' life.
00:41:54.020 The women in the Torah, in the Old Testament, are strong and bold and righteous.
00:42:00.380 And we have so much to learn from their example.
00:42:05.340 But this is the real question, okay?
00:42:08.220 How are they strong?
00:42:10.040 And this is where, you know, maybe why feminists would hate the Torah or why someone would say that the Torah is patriarchal.
00:42:18.500 Because the women in the Torah aren't strong physically.
00:42:22.360 Men are stronger than women physically, okay?
00:42:24.720 We all agree.
00:42:25.360 What the women in the Torah are strong in is the ways in which women are strong.
00:42:33.200 I know that's, like, repetitive.
00:42:35.080 But my point is, is that the women are strong in their own unique way because they are women.
00:42:43.340 They're midwives.
00:42:45.680 They bear children.
00:42:48.080 They raise and rescue babies.
00:42:50.380 They are intuitive and can understand when God's message is being sent and can understand what God was trying to communicate with Zipporah and Moses.
00:43:03.100 Through their womanhood, they are strong.
00:43:07.540 That's the lesson.
00:43:10.160 Women are strong.
00:43:11.840 Women are brave.
00:43:13.040 And they save men and civilizations by being amazing at the things women are amazing at.
00:43:24.400 When these women in the Parsha show their strength through real womanhood, that's when they are most strong, most effective, most brave.
00:43:35.980 It's not because they are trying to be something they're not.
00:43:38.520 It's not because they're trying to be stronger than men.
00:43:41.000 It's because they are being strong and amazing at the things that women are strong and amazing at.
00:43:48.700 I mean, the story of the midwives is truly incredible, right?
00:43:52.840 Because Shifra and Pua stand up to Pharaoh.
00:43:56.120 And then you've got the women themselves bearing their children because they know the decree that the baby boys are going to be killed.
00:44:06.760 So they're going to bear their own children without any help if that means that their children will live.
00:44:13.280 How inspiring is that?
00:44:14.960 I love that the women in the Torah take such an important role in the story.
00:44:25.340 And you can see how important and present they are throughout.
00:44:31.760 And this is just one Torah portion.
00:44:34.540 So I can't wait to see the representation of women throughout the rest of it.
00:44:40.180 It's really incredible.
00:44:42.000 So that is our faith talk for today.
00:44:44.200 I hope you guys enjoyed it.
00:44:45.620 Let me know your thoughts.
00:44:47.560 And let's get into our subscriber questions.
00:44:51.200 Okay, so we are on to our last portion, our last segment of the Classically Abbey podcast.
00:44:57.440 We've got a few questions here from premium subscribers of my Substack.
00:45:02.240 Just as a reminder, if you'd like to submit questions for the Classically Abbey podcast,
00:45:06.860 make sure to head over to classicallyabbey.substack.com
00:45:10.200 where you can become a subscriber for $7 a month.
00:45:12.940 Or if you subscribe for the whole year, you will get two months for free.
00:45:16.620 And you'll get access to a ton of other exclusive content.
00:45:18.980 So I highly recommend checking it out.
00:45:21.240 Let's hop right in.
00:45:23.360 Dear Abby,
00:45:23.960 I am a recent mom, a couple months behind you and currently working from home.
00:45:29.420 My husband is a psychiatrist and we have been married for five years.
00:45:33.020 As you can imagine, I don't get out much.
00:45:35.700 I'm wondering how can a mom, how a mom can go out and make friends with other moms out there.
00:45:42.600 To be honest, I feel out of place when I hang out with my post-college friends.
00:45:46.580 We are in completely different paths to the point I don't have much in common with them anymore.
00:45:50.500 I am worried because of our different lifestyles, we will drift apart.
00:45:54.620 I do care for them a lot, but it is difficult to make plans when they just want to go to bars
00:45:58.640 and banter about their promiscuous lifestyles.
00:46:01.300 Anyway, I figured starting the new year, I will take this opportunity to look for other women
00:46:05.260 who have the same views and lifestyles as me.
00:46:08.000 But how can I make new friends?
00:46:10.160 So I get it.
00:46:13.140 I get where you're coming from.
00:46:14.600 Making friends as a new mom, especially at the beginning, is hard.
00:46:18.080 I would say at this stage, once, you know, your baby's more on a schedule,
00:46:21.820 once you're nursing a little less, once you've figured out nursing, like, it's a lot easier.
00:46:27.680 But first, let's talk about just your post-college friends.
00:46:31.560 I can understand why you're worried that you're going to drift apart.
00:46:34.460 My point of view on that is you can maintain friendships with people who are in a different
00:46:42.380 stage of life than you are, but you may not be as close until they're in a similar stage
00:46:48.720 of life, especially if they don't really get what you're doing.
00:46:54.700 If they're not really into the idea of you being a mom or into the idea of you being married,
00:47:00.120 it can cross over into a judgmental territory.
00:47:03.760 And of course, you're not super happy to hear about their promiscuous lifestyle either
00:47:07.560 because you don't think it's good for them.
00:47:09.740 So I think that it's okay if during this period of time where they are in a very different stage
00:47:18.620 of life, you remain friends without necessarily going out of your way to hang out with them
00:47:25.640 in the situations you're not going to be comfortable in, right?
00:47:29.240 If you can go to brunch with them, if you can go to lunch, like, that's great.
00:47:33.760 You get to hang out with them.
00:47:34.900 You can catch up.
00:47:35.660 But if you're being invited into parties or to bars that you're just not interested in,
00:47:41.080 you don't have to go.
00:47:41.960 And if the friendship grows apart a little bit during this time, that's okay.
00:47:46.900 You may end up finding that the friends that you make now, you will get even closer to than
00:47:52.580 the friends that you were close with at a different point in your life.
00:47:56.500 And it's possible that they may never come around to where you are and to what you're doing.
00:48:02.020 And if those friendships end, that's okay too.
00:48:06.420 You don't have to actively end them.
00:48:08.700 Not at all.
00:48:09.580 But if they naturally kind of come to a point where neither one of you, it doesn't really
00:48:15.140 make sense for the friendship to continue.
00:48:16.960 That's okay.
00:48:17.900 And you don't have to feel bad about it because there are some friendships that are perfect
00:48:23.040 for the time of life and the stage of life that you're in when you make that friend.
00:48:28.540 And then as you grow and as you kind of go different ways, the friendship doesn't really
00:48:33.560 make sense anymore.
00:48:34.380 And that's okay too.
00:48:35.460 It doesn't, it's not a comment on either of you.
00:48:37.640 It's just a comment on where you're at and where you're going.
00:48:40.880 So don't worry too much if your friendships end up growing apart and being, going out
00:48:50.140 of your way to like go to a brunch or go to lunch.
00:48:52.240 That's nice.
00:48:52.860 But anything more than that, where you are putting yourself in a situation, going to,
00:48:58.100 you know, an event that you don't want to go to, don't do it.
00:49:02.480 Don't, don't put yourself in that, in that situation.
00:49:05.120 It's not worth it.
00:49:06.000 But as far as how to meet new moms, the way that I've met new moms is, I would say there
00:49:12.720 are two ways.
00:49:13.380 One, when you're pregnant and when you have babies, I think people are more open to you
00:49:20.460 eavesdropping.
00:49:21.240 I say this in a, in a funny way.
00:49:23.180 Okay.
00:49:23.820 So for example, when I was pregnant with Mr. Baby, I was getting my nails done and I heard
00:49:30.040 kind of like two seats down from me, a woman talking to her nail technician about her experience
00:49:39.020 giving birth and how she had given birth just a few weeks ago and all of that.
00:49:43.160 And I was eavesdropping a little bit, but I just interrupted and I was like, oh, when
00:49:50.160 did you give birth?
00:49:50.860 Yes, I'm expecting.
00:49:51.920 I'd love to hear more about your experience.
00:49:53.960 And that woman and I became very good friends when I was living in Virginia.
00:49:58.500 So that was really, really fun.
00:50:00.540 So that's a way to meet moms is if you hear somebody talking about motherhood stuff in
00:50:04.560 a scenario like that, when you're getting your nails done, or if you're online at the
00:50:07.660 grocery store, like introduce yourself.
00:50:10.560 People are really laid back about it.
00:50:12.360 And honestly, once you talk to a stranger and you kind of make things fun, they're usually
00:50:18.900 willing to be like, oh, a new friend.
00:50:20.780 Cool.
00:50:21.680 And I know it sounds weird, but that has worked for me a number of times.
00:50:25.680 And it's kind of funny and also a great story about how you met someone.
00:50:29.520 I wish people were more comfortable with talking to somebody who they've never met before,
00:50:34.600 especially about motherhood stuff.
00:50:36.200 So I don't think anyone's going to look at you like you're crazy.
00:50:38.640 And if they do, they're lost.
00:50:40.580 You're never going to see them again.
00:50:41.640 So I think that's a really good way to meet people.
00:50:44.840 But the best way that I've met people is through my synagogue.
00:50:47.780 There are so many new moms at my synagogue.
00:50:50.420 There are so many babies.
00:50:51.660 Our synagogue, when we moved here, there were three other babies born the same week.
00:50:58.100 And I am very good friends with all three moms who also had babies at the same time.
00:51:03.440 And there's a bunch of other people who maybe don't have babies the exact same age, but have
00:51:07.340 babies kind of a year older or a couple of years older.
00:51:09.700 And we are super great friends.
00:51:12.360 If you can join a church or a synagogue with women who are in the same age range, they don't
00:51:18.420 have to be exactly in your exact, you know, one baby and that's it.
00:51:22.140 Or like, there are women I know who have four babies and that is great.
00:51:26.400 And we are really good friends.
00:51:28.260 So I would say that finding a faith community where the members of your church or synagogue
00:51:36.160 are in your same stage of life, that is really the best way to meet new moms.
00:51:42.520 That has been my experience and it has been fantastic.
00:51:45.100 So that's where I would start.
00:51:48.000 OK, next question.
00:51:50.600 I grew up reformed Jewish, but don't agree at all with a lot of the values those temples
00:51:55.440 now push social justice in place of Judaism.
00:51:58.720 Before I continue, I understand my husband grew up reform and he always called what did
00:52:03.880 he say?
00:52:04.480 It's the Democratic.
00:52:05.920 It's the Jewish wing of the Democratic Party.
00:52:09.420 I think that's what he used to say.
00:52:11.340 Yeah, being reformed.
00:52:13.160 It's it is it.
00:52:14.040 The values there are totally not Torah values.
00:52:16.680 And I find it really frustrating.
00:52:18.900 The only other option semi close to me is Chabad.
00:52:22.620 Can you offer some insight into the community or advice if my family joins?
00:52:27.360 So if you don't know, Chabad is kind of like outreach for Jews who are not observant.
00:52:34.500 And it's their goal is just to create a warm and welcoming environment to all Jews.
00:52:41.040 So the great thing about Chabad is that you will go to a synagogue and the rabbi is going
00:52:48.160 to be wearing a black hat and have a big beard and have a long black jacket on.
00:52:51.940 And the people who are there are going to be from every walk of life.
00:52:56.080 Like you will have somebody there in leggings.
00:52:58.100 You'll have somebody there in shorts.
00:52:59.420 You'll have somebody there in a more modest dress like everybody there is just on their
00:53:05.320 own path.
00:53:06.140 And Chabad is there to provide a space for you to explore your Judaism more.
00:53:10.820 So the insight I can offer is it is going to be better than you think.
00:53:16.480 You might think, oh, this is a little awkward or this is a little weird.
00:53:20.520 It's not at all because they are incredibly accepting.
00:53:24.320 They just want to see more Jews interact with their Judaism.
00:53:29.520 That is that is their purpose.
00:53:31.100 So the community at Chabad, it really can range depending on where you live.
00:53:35.220 But you can have a community that is a little bit more freeform in the sense that there are
00:53:40.000 people who are just kind of looking for a hub and they are from all different walks of life
00:53:46.540 and they're all they drive there on Shabbos and they're all like different ages.
00:53:51.640 Or you could have a community that's a little bit more built up.
00:53:56.000 And so you'll have people there who are regulars and who come every Shabbos, who come every
00:54:01.680 Sabbath and who are a little bit more observant.
00:54:05.120 But they're still going to be welcoming to somebody who doesn't know much about Judaism.
00:54:09.500 So I don't know where you live, so I don't know what community you're going to be a part
00:54:12.840 of.
00:54:13.480 But I would say don't be freaked out by the fact that the rabbi is going to look more
00:54:20.180 religious than you are because he doesn't care where you're at.
00:54:22.820 He just wants you to be there.
00:54:24.020 He's just happy for you to be there.
00:54:25.440 So try it out.
00:54:27.000 I'd love to know how it goes.
00:54:29.180 You are a premium subscriber, so you should be able to leave a comment.
00:54:32.220 Let me know if you attend a service there.
00:54:34.180 I'd really like to hear.
00:54:35.780 So that is question number two.
00:54:37.700 And last question for today's episode.
00:54:42.020 Have you got any tips for a first date?
00:54:44.720 And how long do you think someone should date before getting married?
00:54:48.820 I love those questions.
00:54:50.200 Ooh, there's even more.
00:54:50.960 Should a woman pay on a date?
00:54:53.700 Very good question.
00:54:55.740 So let's start with have you got any tips for a first date?
00:55:00.240 Yes.
00:55:01.280 And I have many videos talking about this.
00:55:04.080 I also have done a speech on it or about dating generally.
00:55:08.520 So I'll just give like one or two tips.
00:55:11.320 Tip number one is do your makeup.
00:55:14.640 If you're going to do makeup, do your makeup in a way that accentuates your features doesn't
00:55:18.220 and doesn't obscure them.
00:55:20.000 So you always want and this is it goes for your hair, too.
00:55:22.820 You always want to do something.
00:55:24.220 And honestly, it goes for the way that you dress.
00:55:26.340 You want to do something that shows who you are, shows what you look like and doesn't
00:55:32.460 obscure it behind puffy clothes or behind green eyeshadow or behind a crazy color wig.
00:55:41.220 I don't know why someone would wear a wig on a date, but who knows?
00:55:43.280 I'm trying to be as close to your actual appearance as possible while accentuating the best parts
00:55:49.940 of you.
00:55:50.660 That's the goal because you want the guy that you're going on a date with to actually see
00:55:53.520 you.
00:55:54.120 So that's number one.
00:55:55.480 Number two is.
00:55:57.920 For a first date, just.
00:56:01.640 Get a feel for the chemistry.
00:56:03.700 Date number two is when you start asking big questions.
00:56:05.840 That's my rule.
00:56:06.440 Date number two is when you start asking big questions, but date number one, that's when
00:56:10.320 you are going to want to just see if you and this person have fun together.
00:56:16.020 I think that's really the thing for a first date is are you interested in the second date?
00:56:21.260 Are you even interested in going out again and seeing if you guys like each other?
00:56:25.560 So just relax a little bit for the first date.
00:56:28.580 You don't have to go off your list quite yet and see how you get along.
00:56:32.580 See if you enjoy this person's company and just see how that chemistry is.
00:56:37.420 How long do you think someone should date before getting married?
00:56:40.320 So I OK, because the the way the question is phrased is a little confusing because it's
00:56:46.900 before getting married as opposed to getting engaged.
00:56:49.660 And then how long should the engagement be?
00:56:51.760 OK, so here's what we're going to here's what I'm going to say.
00:56:54.540 It should take you, in my opinion, no longer than a year to figure out maybe a year and a
00:56:59.520 half to figure out if you are right for someone.
00:57:03.160 Why does it take you longer than that?
00:57:04.820 If you've asked the big questions early on, if you have chemistry, if your families get
00:57:10.380 along, what what are you waiting for?
00:57:11.860 Now you're just testing and testing and testing and wasting time.
00:57:16.900 It's not worth it.
00:57:17.920 I am a proponent of ask the big questions.
00:57:22.140 See if you like each other.
00:57:24.420 Do you enjoy each other's company?
00:57:26.060 Like, OK, the questions are answered.
00:57:28.880 Why are you waiting now?
00:57:31.460 Engagement no longer than a year.
00:57:34.560 Hard stop.
00:57:35.540 No longer than a year because engagement is the hardest time of a relationship.
00:57:39.500 Everyone's going to tell you it's the romantic, you know, lovey dovey honeymoon period.
00:57:43.760 It's not engagement is hard because you're planning a wedding, you are dealing with families
00:57:49.640 who have opinions about that wedding, and you are standing on the edge of a diving board
00:57:54.100 waiting to make that giant commitment.
00:57:55.600 And the longer you're waiting to make a commitment, the longer you question whether or not it's
00:58:00.260 the right commitment to make.
00:58:01.700 And it has nothing to do with whether it's the right commitment to make.
00:58:04.460 It's just that it's so uncomfortable waiting to actually do something this huge and this
00:58:10.320 big that it can make you want to back out.
00:58:14.880 So a year is the longest I recommend.
00:58:17.700 I my husband and my engagement was five and a half months.
00:58:20.960 That was fine.
00:58:23.280 We also got married.
00:58:24.640 We met and got married in a year.
00:58:27.700 So ours was more expedited than many people's, but it was it worked for us.
00:58:35.280 So that that's my advice regarding that.
00:58:37.540 And then should a woman pay on a date?
00:58:40.260 Here's the answer to that question.
00:58:42.000 A woman should pay on a date if you guys are in are not earning your own money.
00:58:50.060 So, for example, if you guys are dating in high school or if you guys are dating in college
00:58:54.760 and you're the guy you're on a date with is getting, you know, a stipend from his parents
00:58:59.140 and you're getting a stipend from your parents and you guys are living off of your parents money.
00:59:03.620 Why should his parents be paying for all of his dates?
00:59:07.340 Uh, I think that it can cross into dangerous territory if, you know, if the guy is taking
00:59:15.000 advantage of the dating situation.
00:59:16.520 But I'll be honest, I am not a huge I don't think that a man has to pay on every date because
00:59:21.580 a date dating can get expensive and it's hard.
00:59:24.700 Like I was thinking about kosher food is super expensive.
00:59:27.980 If a guy took a girl out to dinner every time he took a girl out on a date, he would be
00:59:33.600 out at like one hundred and fifty dollars once a week.
00:59:37.160 That's crazy for one meal like that's crazy.
00:59:40.980 So I understand the concept of splitting the bill.
00:59:44.320 And I know that's really funny because I'm classic and that's my thing.
00:59:47.420 But I also think that lessening the burden of the cost of a meal and allowing people to
00:59:57.580 just enjoy each other's company as opposed to being concerned about what the other person
01:00:00.820 is ordering.
01:00:02.240 I'm not I don't think that's the worst thing in the world.
01:00:04.580 I think it's nice if a guy can afford it.
01:00:06.800 And if a guy like wants to make a girl feel taken care of.
01:00:10.040 But and maybe the first date the guy should pay.
01:00:12.400 But like, again, I'm pretty flexible on that topic, because when Jacob and I started dating,
01:00:18.540 we split a lot of our dates and I was totally fine with that because I was like, yeah, that
01:00:23.480 makes sense.
01:00:23.940 Let's just split it.
01:00:25.320 It worked for us.
01:00:26.240 So I don't think a man always has to pay.
01:00:28.760 But you can also kind of get the vibe from him and decide, OK, is he being a jerk or is
01:00:34.340 he being just practical?
01:00:36.320 And like, it makes sense that we're going to split it.
01:00:38.180 You can I think you can read the room on that.
01:00:40.700 So that is my thoughts.
01:00:43.500 And that is today's episode of the Classically Abbey podcast.
01:00:47.080 I hope you guys enjoyed it.
01:00:49.340 If you did, make sure to subscribe anywhere you listen to podcasts.
01:00:52.920 You can get a notification about next episode, about all of the future episodes.
01:00:57.060 And make sure to stay tuned because we're going to have some really fun interviews coming
01:01:00.840 up.
01:01:01.520 I also would love if you would consider subscribing to my YouTube channel and to my Substack newsletter.
01:01:06.220 And if you're not following me on social media, it's at Classically Abbey.
01:01:09.540 Absolutely everywhere.
01:01:10.360 Thank you guys so much for listening and I'll see you guys in the next one.
01:01:14.260 Bye!
01:01:14.660 Bye.
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01:02:14.660 Bye.
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