The Classically Abby Podcast - Ep. 6 ｜ 5 Ways You're FIGHTING Your Femininity (and how to stop it)

00:00:00.120 Five ways you are fighting your femininity, why the Israelites were traumatized by hearing 0.97

00:00:06.580 the Ten Commandments from God Himself, and what are my thoughts on purity culture?

00:00:12.080 All this and more on today's episode of the Classically Abbey Podcast.

00:00:30.000 Hello, Classic Crew, and welcome to today's episode of the Classically Abbey Podcast.

00:00:37.540 We have a lot to talk about today, and I'm very excited to get into it.

00:00:42.400 If you are new here, make sure to subscribe to my channel, as well as to the podcast wherever

00:00:48.960 you listen to podcasts. It's available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, really just about anywhere.

00:00:53.720 So if you are interested in subscribing, make sure to do so. And I would love if you would

00:00:57.160 leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It really helps me out. We are going to be doing a main

00:01:03.080 topic today that's really interesting. We are talking about five ways that we are fighting

00:01:08.460 our femininity. I think that we are living in a time where we are constantly being taught

00:01:15.700 to push away those things that really do make us womanly and more feminine. And I want to

00:01:21.380 talk about how we can stop fighting those things. We'll also be doing our weekly captioning,

00:01:27.160 our faith talk, and stay tuned till the end where I'll be answering my premium subscriber

00:01:32.640 questions. If you'd like to become a premium subscriber and submit questions for future

00:01:37.140 podcast episodes, make sure to head over to classicallyabbey.substack.com, where you'll

00:01:41.620 get access to a ton of exclusive content, including my book club, as well as weekly exclusive articles

00:01:47.080 and an amazing community of women. And it's only $7 a month. 1.00

00:01:50.420 So now that I've said all of the things, I'm really looking forward to sharing a lot about

00:01:58.500 what I've been thinking about lately. And I just want to mention if my voice sounds a little

00:02:03.240 bit odd. My son had hand, foot and mouth, as I mentioned in a previous episode, and then

00:02:08.500 he caught a cold. And like two days later, legitimately two days later, and I've been kind of fighting

00:02:14.440 off that same cold. So I don't have the worst full blown version of it, but it's kind of

00:02:20.100 like in my sinuses, a little bit in my nose, a little bit in my ears, a little bit of a

00:02:25.420 sore throat, just like a little bit of everything. And so I'm just kind of in a fog as far as

00:02:31.420 just muddling my way through it. But my voice might sound a little off. That is why. So let's

00:02:37.800 just get into our weekly catch up. So let's start with this. I actually wrote an article

00:02:44.680 about it for my Substack. And I'm just going to briefly touch on it here a little bit less

00:02:49.160 than I did in the article. But we are reading the book, The Happiness Hypothesis for Book

00:02:55.500 Club. Actually, we just finished it. We did our book club meeting last night. And it really

00:03:00.960 got me to thinking. And I really enjoyed it a lot. I really recommend it. If you want to

00:03:04.160 check it out, it's available anywhere. I listened to it on Audible. It's by Jonathan Haidt. And

00:03:10.940 funnily enough, one of the things that actually got me to thinking was something that he wasn't

00:03:17.440 a proponent of, but he was kind of explaining his train of thought. And when he was in high

00:03:23.660 school, at the end of high school, he sort of had an existential crisis when he realized that

00:03:28.420 he was an atheist and he was nihilistic. And he was kind of like, OK, well, how do I make

00:03:33.940 life meaningful to me? And for him, it was, well, I have to live life to the fullest because

00:03:38.480 there's nothing after this. Now, he Jonathan Haidt is an atheist, but he does kind of shift

00:03:45.800 that perspective in the book, the perspective of, you know, living life to the fullest in

00:03:51.800 a negative way. But it did get me to thinking, you know, my life in many ways is more mundane

00:03:59.100 because I am, you know, a stay-at-home mom. I'm a homemaker and I'm doing a lot of the same things,

00:04:07.000 a lot of the same chores day in and day out. I wash my son's high chair 50 times a day.

00:04:12.400 I am sweeping the floor. I am cooking dinner. I am washing dishes. And I kind of asked myself,

00:04:20.040 OK, well, is this what living life to the fullest looks like? Or is it those women who say, 1.00

00:04:27.060 you know, I don't want to have kids, I don't want to have a family and can jet set anywhere

00:04:31.360 they want, can have brunch on their own schedule, can kind of live life more for themselves,

00:04:37.560 which looks very glamorous. You know, it looks very appealing from the outside.

00:04:44.800 And after sitting with that for a while, I kind of kind of realized something. And I think maybe this

00:04:50.320 is a useful realization on a number of topics that you could kind of use whenever you're starting to

00:04:57.700 question whether you'd be happier doing something else or whether the grass is greener. And that is

00:05:03.680 my general level of happiness and contentment is very, very high. I have a fundamental happiness

00:05:12.020 built into my day to day because of all of the things that I have. So because I'm married,

00:05:17.440 because I have a son, because I get to be with him every day and I get to see him grow,

00:05:21.840 my actual like base level of happiness and contentment is up here. And so I was sort of

00:05:31.320 super imposing my current level of happiness on the activities of the life that these women are living, 1.00

00:05:41.980 where they're jet setting and traveling and doing all these fun things. And I say this because I did that

00:05:48.600 before I got married, before I met my husband, I was traveling a lot because I was an opera singer.

00:05:55.260 I was doing things on my own schedule. I was dating for fun. I was dressing immodestly. And at the end of the

00:06:02.120 day, I was really not very happy. Like my day to day was was theoretically a little more exciting.

00:06:08.740 But at the end of every day, I came home and I felt empty because I didn't have someone waiting

00:06:14.000 for me at home. I didn't have my little baby to play with and to hug and to hold. And it looks

00:06:21.000 like very, a very fun thing to see these women doing these crazy things. I mean, on social media, 1.00

00:06:26.460 it looks really nice that they're getting to do these amazing trips. And, you know, they're always

00:06:30.680 have like a glass of wine in their hand or something like that. But at the same time,

00:06:34.960 when I actually lived that, it wasn't as glamorous as it looks. But because of where I'm at now,

00:06:41.920 I can kind of look at those activities and think, oh, that would be fun. Maybe that's what a life

00:06:47.260 of fun looks like because my base level is so good, because my base level of contentment is so high.

00:06:54.440 So the lesson here is not that I should be giving up everything I have, God forbid,

00:07:00.160 and running off to do these crazy things. It's that you have to remember where the actual

00:07:10.000 contentment is. And then you can sprinkle in those fun activities instead of making them your whole

00:07:15.580 life. So instead of saying, okay, I need to throw out the life I'm living and go do this living life

00:07:23.580 to the fullest lifestyle. Instead of doing that, you can think, okay, I want to live my mundane life

00:07:30.520 because that mundane life actually is what brings me contentment. But sometimes it can get a little

00:07:35.880 monotonous. And so I should sprinkle in those fun-filled activities from this picture that I'm

00:07:42.500 seeing. So I can take a vacation once or twice a year. I should do date night once a week. I should go

00:07:48.880 see a movie. I can go do brunch with my friends and sprinkle in those fun-filled activities while

00:07:54.800 maintaining the joy that your mundane life brings you. So I don't know if that made sense, but I would

00:08:00.440 love if you would leave a comment. You can leave a comment on YouTube if you're watching this, or you

00:08:05.860 can leave a comment on my sub stack where you will get access to the comment section. So I thought that

00:08:13.080 was kind of an interesting realization and it was very helpful for me to remember

00:08:18.840 kind of what that mundane, I want to say mundanity, it's not a word, mundaneness, sure, that mundane, where

00:08:28.740 that mundaneness really provides for me and brings me joy and that it is something that is the root of all

00:08:37.520 of my happiness. So that's where I wanted to start. But next up, I want to briefly talk about the

00:08:46.360 satanistic performance at the Grammys. I don't know if you guys watched it. It kind of went viral, mostly in the

00:08:53.700 conservative movement, I would say, on the conservative, or rather in the conservative

00:08:56.560 commentators space. We were all kind of shocked and horrified, although that's what the left really wants us to be,

00:09:05.840 is they're doing this to poke us and to goad us into talking about it. But at the Grammy Awards,

00:09:13.320 if you didn't see, there was a satanistic performance by Sam Smith and Kim Petrus.

00:09:16.940 It was really kind of gross and shocking and, I mean, meant to make us look at them and say this is

00:09:26.920 a ritual to Satan. So I wanted to mention why the left worships at Satan's altar,

00:09:35.180 rather than God's. Because I think that there's an important point to be set on this.

00:09:43.220 If God, you know, God is benevolent, he is good and kind and loving, and he takes care of us.

00:09:51.240 But God is also judgmental in some ways, and he has standards that we should uphold, right?

00:10:00.900 In order for societies and civilizations to thrive, we need certain standards. We need to be

00:10:08.260 clear about what is good and what is bad, what is moral, what is right.

00:10:14.800 But if God is judgmental and has standards, to the left, that must mean that God is bad.

00:10:22.280 Because Satan doesn't care what people do. Satan is non-judgmental because he accepts

00:10:32.180 anyone for doing anything wrong, anything bad, anything evil. But that must mean that he's good

00:10:38.620 because he's not judgmental. When the height of morality is not being judgmental,

00:10:45.880 then you get a worship of Satan. Satan encourages people to act in their own self-interest at the

00:10:56.540 cost of others. And the interesting thing about that is that the left sees self, right? Self-interest.

00:11:05.380 They see self as the most important and most virtuous thing. To thine own self be true is their

00:11:12.320 highest virtue, even if that comes at the cost of other people. So Satan, who is telling people to

00:11:23.040 go after whatever they, or rather, makes people think that they should go after whatever they want,

00:11:27.420 right? Like that, that's the most important thing is do you. You do you is the Satan catchphrase.

00:11:35.200 Whereas God is, you know, don't do unto others as you would not done unto yourself.

00:11:40.100 That judgmental in a good way thing that God, you know, has created the world with and, and runs the

00:11:49.820 world with and keep civilization strong and society strong. The left can't accept it because judgment

00:11:59.300 is the highest, is the highest for evil. It's an interesting thing to keep in mind. So on a totally

00:12:08.400 other note, right, we just kind of went through the zeitgeist a little bit. Uh, I wanted to just

00:12:12.800 chat a little about why I love putting on makeup. I've been thinking about putting on makeup a little

00:12:19.360 bit lately, just because it's something that really brings me so much joy. And I know that for some

00:12:24.720 people, makeup is a waste of time. It bores them, but I just love putting on makeup. And the reason is

00:12:30.840 there's a few reasons. One is for me, that is my time. That is my time to do something for me.

00:12:36.600 And it really isn't for anyone else. I just love doing my makeup. It like makes me happy to have

00:12:41.880 some time that I just say, okay, this is my time. And I don't have to worry about anybody else.

00:12:47.480 But on top of it, I find makeup really creative and fun and transformative. And I like, it's like

00:12:56.740 flexing my, my creative muscle every morning because I can do something different every single day.

00:13:03.300 I can do a different kind of bronzer. I can do a different kind of highlight. I can do a different

00:13:07.340 kind of eyeshadow and just mixing and matching colors and doing things that are very cool to see

00:13:13.840 the change in real time. And then it washes off at the end of the day. So if I really didn't like it,

00:13:19.100 no worries. I think that if people viewed, if women who are really, they view makeup as a chore,

00:13:27.620 if they viewed makeup more as something fun and creative, then they could enjoy the process more.

00:13:34.480 And that's not to say that if you're somebody who doesn't enjoy the wearing makeup at all,

00:13:38.160 that you need to do it. But if you're somebody who kind of feels like they should wear makeup,

00:13:43.100 or is in a situation where you're going to work and it's more professional to wear makeup,

00:13:48.440 then finding the joy in it, I think is really nice. And so I'm a big fan.

00:13:55.280 So next up, I think it's important to talk about putting your house to bed because recently I've

00:14:00.200 been taking the time, putting in the effort to clean my house at the end of every day. I used

00:14:05.200 to kind of let it build up, maybe do like a once a clean or twice or once a week or twice a week

00:14:10.300 cleanup, or I'd leave dishes till the morning. But recently I've been really doing the thing that

00:14:16.920 I've been told to do many times, which is to clean the house before you go to sleep. So you wake up

00:14:22.580 to a clean house. It really does make a difference, especially if you work from home,

00:14:26.960 knowing that you aren't going to have to do chores first thing in the morning and being able to get

00:14:33.420 your day started right from the beginning. It is so helpful. And so I've been, you know,

00:14:39.720 trying to keep up with cleanliness throughout the day so it doesn't all build up at night. So

00:14:44.180 for example, when my son makes a mess on the floor, instead of leaving that till the end of the day,

00:14:49.860 I will sweep up a number of times because he makes a number of messes throughout the day

00:14:54.400 to keep the floor clean. And by the end of the day, when we get there, it's like by the evening,

00:15:00.940 I don't have to worry about the floor being a total mess. Or I try to do one load of laundry a day,

00:15:07.320 or I try to wash the dishes as I go or put them in the dishwasher instead of in the sink.

00:15:11.620 That really does make a big difference. And I think it can just remove a little bit of stress that we

00:15:17.700 all have when we wake up in the morning. I mean, you wake up to a clean house and you feel like

00:15:21.000 you can take on the day for sure. Last but not least, let's talk a little bit about a movie I

00:15:28.380 rewatched with my parents and my husband the other night, How to Train Your Dragon. Have you guys seen

00:15:33.820 that? It's been a while since I watched it, but I used to love that movie. And the score is

00:15:40.360 absolutely outrageously good. But that movie is so fun and I really, really enjoyed it. And I know

00:15:48.920 that there's a second one and a third one, which I've never seen and I really want to watch. So

00:15:52.280 let me know if you have seen those, if you've seen How to Train Your Dragon 2 and How to Train

00:15:57.320 Your Dragon 3. I'd love to hear because I've heard good things and I want to watch them because I'm

00:16:02.780 rewatching the first one. I really enjoyed it. Toothless is super cute. Hiccup is a little bit

00:16:09.320 annoying, but I can enjoy his character. And just the whole concept is fun. Although I do have one

00:16:16.780 question. So hear me out. All of the dragons in the movie are innocent, but they're responding to

00:16:28.180 the giant like overlord dragon, which is calling them to steal animals or whatever from the people

00:16:37.100 that Hiccup is from. So my question is, they then go to attack the ginormous dragon. I keep wanting to

00:16:47.800 call it a dinosaur because it looks like a dinosaur, but it's a dragon. And they just destroy it. But how

00:16:53.560 do we know what the giant dragon's motivation is? I mean, question left unanswered. I don't know if

00:17:04.120 that's a fair question, but I don't know. It seems funny that we can give all of the other dragons a

00:17:09.920 pass and not the giant one because we learn the motivation of the smaller dragons, but we never

00:17:15.000 learn the motivation of the giant dragon that's controlling them. They just take it out. So

00:17:21.260 interesting thought, right? I don't know. Maybe, maybe. So now let's get into the main portion of

00:17:27.360 today's episode, which is five ways you are fighting your femininity. We live in a world where 0.80

00:17:35.360 being feminine is relegated to silly outward appearance things, but also more than that, it, 1.00

00:17:44.860 it's just not valued in the same way. And I think that there's a lot of things we can do to embrace

00:17:51.620 our femininity, right? But not just embrace it. Stop fighting it. So I'm excited to share these

00:17:57.540 five things with you. Let's just get started. So number one is not accepting your changing body.

00:18:05.140 I say this as a postpartum mom. I'm 10 months postpartum and my body looks entirely different

00:18:12.220 than it did before I had a baby. And I don't know that it will ever look the same. And I'm not just

00:18:18.960 talking about weight gain, weight loss, whatever it is. I'm talking about structurally, my body is

00:18:24.700 different. My hips are wider. My waist is a little thicker. My stomach has stretch marks on it. I have

00:18:32.880 loose skin from carrying a baby. And it's an interesting thing because we live in a day where

00:18:41.500 we're constantly fighting for what we used to look like, right? We're always like looking

00:18:48.820 back to, okay, I want to look the same as I did when I was 16. I want to look the same as I did

00:18:53.440 before I had a baby. I want to look the same as I did before I had my second baby. And the truth is

00:18:57.880 that women, the feminine figure was meant to shift and change even before, you know, having children 1.00

00:19:06.480 throughout the month, your body changes throughout the month around your period. Your body will change

00:19:13.240 because of hormonal shifts, right? Men's bodies don't change. Men's bodies stick one way their whole 0.89

00:19:20.800 lives. If men choose to, you know, not take care of themselves, then, you know, they'll gain weight or

00:19:28.360 whatever else it is. But men's bodies do not react hormonally the same way that women's do. Women's bodies 0.56

00:19:35.140 are not supposed to stay the same. We are not supposed to look exactly the way we did before we had

00:19:42.080 children. After we have children, we are going to lose weight. We are going to gain weight. We are

00:19:47.180 going to have looser skin. We're going to have stretch marks. We're going to have, you know, our, our

00:19:53.100 bodies, our, our, our structure, our skeletal structure is going to change after we birth children.

00:20:00.740 Fighting femininity, fighting your body is telling yourself that you need to look exactly the same as you 0.98

00:20:09.940 did all your whole life. And it's just not realistic. Your body is going to change and it

00:20:17.460 should change. That is part of being a woman. The fact that our bodies can change to host a human being 0.99

00:20:25.280 is incredible. We, we love on our bodies so much. I think most women do not every woman, but most women

00:20:32.600 do. We love on our bodies so much for the fact that we can get pregnant and grow a human and our bodies

00:20:39.920 can house a little baby and our stomach stretch. We love that our bodies are flexible enough to do

00:20:46.720 that. But then we're like, bounce back, bounce back, bounce back. I think it's important to exercise,

00:20:52.660 to stay healthy, to eat well. I think that's all really important because taking care of yourself

00:20:59.580 is important. And there is a certain level of when you take care of yourself, then your body

00:21:05.720 responds in kind, AKA, it looks better when you take care of yourself, but is it going to look the

00:21:10.660 same? No. And I think the expectation that our bodies should remain the same throughout our entire

00:21:18.300 lives means you're fighting your femininity. So that's number one. Number two is fighting your nurturing 0.74

00:21:26.520 nature. When we are told to have sex with no strings attached, to sleep around and not get catch

00:21:38.000 feelings, things like that. And there's other examples I'm going to share here, but things like

00:21:43.680 that are fighting our nurturing nature. One of the most beautiful parts of being feminine is that we are

00:21:49.960 so nurturing, that we want to take care of people, that we want to give them a warm and loving home

00:21:56.300 and fighting that by trying to say, I'm not going to give of myself to someone else, right? Let's say

00:22:07.240 in a sexual relationship, in a physical relationship is so wrong. There's a reason that saving sex until

00:22:15.320 marriage is so beautiful because that nurturing nature where you want to take care of the person

00:22:20.780 that you are sharing that intimacy with is a perfect place to do it. You're supposed to do that. That

00:22:28.840 nurturing nature can come out and should come out. And in kind, your husband wants to take care of you.

00:22:37.340 It's so important for us to hold that nurturing nature close because otherwise we let it go.

00:22:45.320 And a woman who doesn't nurture starts to lose a little bit of herself. 1.00

00:22:50.560 Now, another version of this is when we become harsh disciplinarians or harsh spreader of truths.

00:23:00.920 Now, to be clear, I think that there are times that it is a lot of fun to be a little bit more

00:23:05.540 strident, a little bit more brash in the way that we talk about ideas. If you follow me on Instagram,

00:23:12.100 if you watch my reels, you will know that I do that with, with that content. I think that it's funny,

00:23:16.840 but the truth is when I'm really trying to change people's minds, when I'm really trying to give

00:23:23.020 some guidance, it has to be gentle. It has to be nurturing. It's so easy to kind of want to cross

00:23:30.680 over into that. Like, here's what it is. And I'm telling you what to do. And I'm going to be harsh

00:23:34.880 and I'm going to be a disciplinarian and I'm going to be bossy or whatever else it is. But

00:23:41.240 it is much more effective when we lean into that nurturing nature and we use our gentle guidance

00:23:47.580 to help impart wisdom, impart ideas, impart help. I know that even in, as a mother, it is unnatural

00:24:00.940 for me to really discipline harshly my son. When I come to him in a loving, kind, nurturing way,

00:24:10.720 first of all, he responds better. But second of all, I can feel that I feel pride in my mothering

00:24:19.020 in those moments. So don't fight that nurturing nature, embrace it because that is a huge part

00:24:27.180 of your femininity. Number three is embracing hustle culture rather than slow living. Guys,

00:24:36.120 I am, I am over hustle culture. I am over it. I don't like it. It's not my thing. Uh, I am much

00:24:44.660 more for slow living. Now I know that slow living can make a lot of people like pause and not really

00:24:53.000 understand and think that you're saying they have to quit their jobs and stay at home all the time and

00:24:58.340 never do anything that's really like stressful. That's not what I mean. I just mean being intentional

00:25:06.020 enjoying your everyday, taking time in those pockets that you have it to not be stressed and

00:25:14.520 not searching out stress in the moments you don't have to, AKA I have had many moments where I have

00:25:20.880 a few minutes just to spare. And instead of taking advantage of them in a positive, gentle way and

00:25:27.900 thinking, Oh, you know, I have a couple minutes, maybe I'll read, or maybe I'll play with my son.

00:25:32.560 I'll be like, what else do I have to do? I need to find something to do. I get really urgent about it.

00:25:37.800 That to me is more of a hustle culture perspective of, I need to constantly be busy. I need to

00:25:43.080 constantly be producing. I need to constantly be doing something very hectic. It's much more

00:25:51.560 feminine to embrace slow living, to cook something, take an extra 20 minutes and cook something tastier 0.99

00:26:02.080 rather than faster to sit with your baby and play for 15 minutes, just directed attention rather than

00:26:10.320 giving him two minutes and then running around to clean your house. It's so important to lean into

00:26:18.500 this life that we have and rushing constantly feeling rushed. Life is short, but it's also long

00:26:27.920 and it's important to us for us to take advantage of each and every moment and enjoy it. And when

00:26:36.480 you're rushing to get things done all the time and you like need to be busy, you're also rushing

00:26:42.940 time. Like you will get to the end of the day and feel like that time, that your day was just like

00:26:48.280 hectic and it just passed you by and you were running around as opposed to maybe half of your

00:26:54.840 day is like that. And the other half of your day, you get to the end and you're like, wow, that was

00:26:58.700 really a nice, luxurious day. I wish for all of us that our time feels luxurious. And that doesn't

00:27:09.240 mean 100% of the time, but even those small pockets of time that you really allow yourself to

00:27:16.260 just take things easy or to invest in a project that's fun and immersive. It's so feminine. It's 1.00

00:27:29.840 so important. I think start with cooking. That's an easy place to start. Cooking doesn't always have to

00:27:36.500 be two steps, one and done. Like it can be a thing that you follow the recipe and enjoy, like choose

00:27:44.080 something that's just a little bit more complicated, a little bit. It doesn't have to be a full day

00:27:48.360 project, but maybe something that you've never done before. The other night I made a spaghetti squash

00:27:53.380 and I'd never made spaghetti squash before. And I made a bolognese sauce that from scratch, like I didn't

00:28:01.000 just pour marinara sauce from a, from a bottle into the pan. I made one from scratch and just those

00:28:07.660 two things added maybe 15 minutes to the whole process, but it made it feel so much more luxurious

00:28:13.540 to me. And I really enjoyed the process. So embrace slow living and reject hustle culture.

00:28:22.140 Number four, the fourth way you are fighting your femininity is wearing only lounge wear. 1.00

00:28:31.140 I know that sounds funny, but we are in the era of athleisure. That is the fashion of today. Most

00:28:39.580 people wear leggings and a sweatshirt every single day and wearing pretty clothing that makes you feel

00:28:46.600 good is feminine. Wearing pretty clothing that accentuates your figure in a modest way. That's 0.96

00:28:53.080 so feminine, constantly covering yourself and what's comfortable or what's easy or things that 0.52

00:29:00.160 really disguise your figure, disguise your body. It just, it takes away one of the really beautiful

00:29:07.380 elements of womanhood. And that's not to say that you have to dress fancy or that you have to like

00:29:13.220 really think hard every day about your outfit, but it means taking a moment, picking something from

00:29:19.940 your closet that really speaks to you, that you really love, that expresses your personality,

00:29:24.780 that makes you feel good in your body. And that looks different for everybody. I had Sarah Therese on,

00:29:30.920 on my podcast a couple episodes ago, and she dresses not totally different from me because both of us

00:29:36.200 actually, there are some overlap, but she dresses in a way that is not typically feminine, but makes her 0.76

00:29:43.120 feel like a woman, right? Like she feels really good in her figure. She feels really good in her body.

00:29:49.620 I'm not speaking for her, but I think that that's true. I think she's kind of given that across on her

00:29:55.140 Instagram. And wearing just the same pair of baggy pants and the same baggy sweatshirt and whatever every

00:30:05.240 single day, it just takes away from the beauty of our figures, the beauty of the bodies God gave us,

00:30:12.060 and the beauty of expressing ourselves through our clothing. Style is a really fun way to express

00:30:18.620 your personality. And I always say it skips the first step of trying to show someone who you are

00:30:25.580 when they can kind of tell who you are through your clothes. So number four is wearing only loungewear

00:30:33.480 fights your femininity. So stop doing that. Start wearing beautiful clothing and clothing that makes

00:30:39.440 you feel good. Number five is sinking into social media. That's one of the ways you're fighting your

00:30:46.700 femininity. Femininity calls for socialization and being an active member of your community. 0.99

00:30:53.900 Social media makes you feel like you're doing that, but really you're sequestering yourself behind a

00:30:59.320 screen. The most dangerous things in life are the things that make you think you're doing something

00:31:05.460 positive. So you invest your time and energy into it, but really are a waste of your time.

00:31:11.520 Another example often for men is video games. Now I'm not like anti all video games. I think there are

00:31:17.380 certain scenarios when you're playing with your friends, when it is a social activity that can be

00:31:22.100 fine. But a lot of video gaming is about pursuit of a goal. And so you'll play until you get that goal.

00:31:32.680 But really there's no goal to be had in beating a video game, right? It's not really useful.

00:31:39.520 The same as social media. Social media feels like you're socializing. It's called social media. Oh,

00:31:45.600 I'm talking to my friends. I'm keeping in touch with people. I'm following along with their lives.

00:31:52.460 But the truth is that the advent of social media has actually ruined a lot of relationships.

00:31:58.540 It keeps you kind of in touch on the very fringes of your mind at all times, but you're not actually

00:32:08.060 in touch. Like when is the last time you spoke to the people that you follow on social media,

00:32:13.140 actually called them on the phone or saw them in person and got coffee?

00:32:16.860 Not very often. It's probably pretty rare. So social media takes away that impetus of us as women

00:32:25.100 to be really active community members and active parts of our social groups. There's something

00:32:31.080 wonderful about having a book club in person or on my sub stack, for example, or being a part of your

00:32:38.380 synagogues community or your church's community. It's so important. And it makes you,

00:32:45.640 one of the things I always say is important about femininity is being strong enough that people can

00:32:50.160 depend on you. And that is one of the most core things about being a good community member.

00:32:55.860 So if you are not available for that, because you're too active on social media, and I say this

00:33:02.640 to myself as much as anyone else, you are fighting your femininity and it's not worth it. It's so much 0.98

00:33:08.460 better to be a part of your PTA or to be somebody who is helping your community grow and be better

00:33:17.680 with your involvement as a woman. It really makes a difference. So those are my five ways you are

00:33:25.820 fighting your femininity. Let me know what you guys think. I always love to hear your thoughts. 0.92

00:33:30.640 So now let's get into today's faith talk. So today's Parsha is Yitro. Today's Torah portion

00:33:38.420 is Yitro, which is Hebrew for Jethro, Moses' father-in-law. And here is the summary of this

00:33:45.960 Parsha from Chabad's website. Moses' father-in-law Jethro hears the great miracles which God performed

00:33:52.240 for the people of Israel and comes from Midian to the Israelite camp, bringing with him Moses' wife 0.95

00:33:57.620 and his two sons. Jethro advises Moses to appoint a hierarchy of magistrates and judges to assist him

00:34:04.320 in the task of governing and administering justice to the people. Honestly, I could do a whole talk just

00:34:10.160 about that, about how important it is to delegate and not try and take on all of the responsibilities

00:34:15.280 because when we do, we end up doing everything a little bit worse as opposed to taking on the things

00:34:21.240 that we can actually handle and doing them well. But that's not the main focus. But I think that

00:34:26.840 that's just interesting. It's an important point for us to remember. The children of Israel camp

00:34:32.180 opposite Mount Sinai, where they are told that God has chosen them to be his kingdom of priests

00:34:36.540 and holy nation. The people respond by proclaiming, all that God has spoken, we shall do. On the sixth

00:34:42.440 day of the third month, seven weeks after the Exodus, the entire nation of Israel assembles at the foot

00:34:47.620 of Mount Sinai for the giving of the Torah. God descends on the mountain amidst thunder, lightning,

00:34:52.960 billows of smoke and the blast of the shofar and summons Moses to attend to ascend. Now, I just 0.97

00:34:59.900 want to put in here that I feel like it's interesting. Doesn't it sound like Mount Sinai is just a

00:35:04.840 volcano from that description? I don't think it is. I mean, at least from what we know about Mount

00:35:10.440 Sinai now, it's not. But it's it just seems like a volcano. It's sort of funny. God proclaims the 0.96

00:35:17.860 Ten Commandments, commanding the people of Israel to believe in God, not to worship idols or take God's 0.65

00:35:22.560 name in vain, to keep the Sabbath, honor their parents, not to murder, not to commit adultery,

00:35:27.540 not to steal and not to bear false witness or covet another's property. The people cry out to Moses

00:35:32.840 that the revelation is too intense for them to bear, begging him to receive the Torah from God

00:35:37.580 and convey it to them. I think this is such an interesting Torah portion because, I mean, so

00:35:43.500 important, right? We're getting the Ten Commandments. Everything that this is all based on, everything we

00:35:48.840 believe in. It's amazing. It's incredible. It's just so interesting to go back to these like big

00:35:53.760 turning points in faith, in our faith. You know, some parshas, some Torah portions are more focused on

00:36:01.680 a specific story. But things like this, this is the moment where the Israelites became the Jews, where

00:36:08.960 the Israelites received the Torah. And that's just amazing. But what I want to focus on today is

00:36:14.180 the fact that the Israelites were traumatized, essentially, when they heard God speaking

00:36:20.940 directly to them. The question is why? I think so many of us wish we could just talk to God

00:36:27.940 like and have him respond, right? Like talk to God face to face in a sense so that we could get an

00:36:34.500 understanding of what this is all about. Why do bad things happen? Why is this happening? Not this

00:36:40.300 thing. Like why is the world the way that it is? We want to understand the world and talking to God,

00:36:47.660 speaking to God, being there with God seems like an amazing opportunity. Why would they be traumatized

00:36:56.060 by it? I understand the idea that it could be just scary. But there's something in, I think it has to

00:37:03.160 just be more than it was just, you know, God's voice was a loudspeaker and there were fireworks.

00:37:09.560 You know, it's not just the surround sound experience. I think there's more to it than that.

00:37:17.980 My idea of God and of being in the presence of God is that it's an immersive experience.

00:37:26.040 God isn't just a thing. He's not just a person. He's not just a creature. He's not just a loud

00:37:36.220 booming voice. God is everything. That means he is past, present, and future all at once happening

00:37:47.640 in front of you. He is truth in all of its glory. When you are in God's presence, when God

00:37:55.000 was giving the Torah to the Jewish people, he wasn't just loud. It wasn't just a voice they

00:38:03.460 were hearing. It was being in the presence of everything all at once. That's too overwhelming.

00:38:12.460 It's too overwhelming to see and know everything that God knows. We think that if we understood

00:38:20.160 everything from beginning to end, we'd be able to navigate the world in a more positive and

00:38:24.760 effective way. But the truth is, if we knew everything that was going to happen and everything

00:38:31.000 that did happen, it would be too much to comprehend. And we probably still couldn't accept it.

00:38:38.320 We are not able to see what true good looks like in the sense that we don't know why everything

00:38:47.100 has to happen the way that it does. God does. God understands. God understands and weighs things

00:38:52.340 accordingly. We can't see things outside of our own worldview. So even seeing through God's eyes

00:38:58.960 or seeing everything that God knows, we couldn't comprehend how everything needs to fit in and slot

00:39:06.260 in with each other. So we might see something that looks like a complete and utter tragedy or a complete

00:39:11.580 and utter triumph. And while God can see that as all part of a whole, we can only see it at our level.

00:39:23.900 We can only see how it affects the certain things we understand. And even within the context of

00:39:31.380 everything in the world, it's still too big, too much for us to take in.

00:39:39.460 We have to trust in God's plan. Because even if we could see it, we couldn't understand it.

00:39:47.620 So I think that that's what we can learn. We can't really, truly know God, even though we want to.

00:39:56.500 Even though we want to be able to connect with God in the sense of understanding everything he does,

00:40:05.980 we just can't. We simply cannot. The human mind cannot accept all of the different layers and

00:40:14.080 levels that God is and knows and takes care of. The truth is, in order to be human,

00:40:24.600 in order to live in the world that God created for us, we cannot know everything that God has

00:40:31.700 planned. So at the end of the day, we have to trust in God and believe in God and deepen our

00:40:38.940 relationship with God in order to find beauty and meaning in life. And that means not necessarily

00:40:47.380 understanding how everything is going to turn out, but knowing that God does and that we are not God.

00:40:54.600 There is a reason that we are not God, that we are just people, that God put on earth to be a part

00:41:02.800 of him, right? We each have a little bit of God inside of us, our souls, but we are not ultimately God.

00:41:08.920 And that is okay. It's hard, but it's also okay. So we have to accept where we're at, who we are and

00:41:22.560 where we're at, and trust that God can provide for us and knows more than we do.

00:41:30.540 So that is my faith talk for today. Let's go ahead and get into my premium subscriber questions.

00:41:39.620 Okay. So the first question I am pulling from our discussion thread on Substack, we have community

00:41:45.760 discussion threads every week. And the question is, how did you manage being heavier after pregnancy

00:41:51.100 and buying clothes you knew you wouldn't want long-term? That sort of relates back to the main

00:41:56.720 portion of today's episode that women's bodies are ever changing. But I think this is such a funny

00:42:00.540 question because I've been thinking about this because I want to declutter my closet, but at the

00:42:06.920 same time, I have so many different stages of my body that I will be going through in the next five to

00:42:14.420 10 years, right? Because I will be getting pregnant again with God's help. I will be having a 0.99

00:42:21.120 postpartum period. I will hopefully be breastfeeding again. I will then be, you know, not breastfeeding

00:42:27.720 and I'll just be kind of back to my pre-pregnancy weight, hopefully, or at least some version of that.

00:42:33.760 And I will be not breastfeeding and then I'll be pregnant again. So it's a cycle. So I have to keep 0.99

00:42:40.380 all of my clothes for all of those different times in my future. I have to keep the clothes for maternity.

00:42:46.040 I have to keep the clothes for breastfeeding. I have to keep the clothes for, you know, one or two sizes

00:42:49.700 bigger than I am for that postpartum period. So I think the answer to your question is if you are

00:42:58.020 planning on getting pregnant again after the current pregnancy that you're in, then you can

00:43:03.480 invest in a couple of pieces. And I don't mean invest in like a really nice amount of money, but

00:43:08.740 you can get some pieces or rather a really nice amount, a really nice piece of clothing. What I mean

00:43:16.040 is, is a piece of clothing that isn't stretchy. You can spend money on a pair of pants that's a size

00:43:21.280 or two bigger than you normally are because you will wear it again after your next pregnancy.

00:43:27.040 That's what I did. I have a few pieces that like a pair of jeans or a couple of pair of jeans that I

00:43:32.400 can wear post pregnancies because I plan on being pregnant multiple times. But if that isn't the case

00:43:39.880 for you, I think finding some clothing and even if it is the case for you, it's just useful to have

00:43:44.860 some clothing that's stretchy. I have a lot of clothes that I got for my postpartum period that

00:43:50.300 were just a little more forgiving and could go from, you know, my 15 pounds overweight that I was

00:43:56.900 after having a baby to five pounds overweight or closer to my pre-pregnancy size. So choosing clothing

00:44:04.240 that is just either a little bit boxier or a little bit stretchier will be a little more forgiving on

00:44:12.020 your body and can still be worn through many of the stages that your body's going to go through

00:44:16.940 pre, uh, post-pregnancy and during pregnancy. So that's my, that's my, my suggestion, my advice.

00:44:26.220 What movies or shows are you and your husband watching lately? So my husband and I just finished

00:44:32.320 watching the newest season of Fauda. We loved the first three seasons. We weren't the biggest fan

00:44:37.560 of the last season, to be honest, but we loved that show. We love the characters. It's in Hebrew.

00:44:43.280 It's an Israeli show and we really liked the way it's produced. We really liked stories. It's all

00:44:49.100 about parallels, which is really interesting. So I do recommend the first three seasons. I don't know

00:44:53.840 what's coming after this season. So maybe there's like something that can redeem it, but I didn't love

00:44:58.740 this current season. Um, but I, I do love Israeli television because we also watched another Israeli

00:45:04.840 show called when heroes fly. And I really enjoyed it. I did feel like they didn't stick the landing.

00:45:09.640 Like the last episode wasn't great. It was a limited series, but I did enjoy it up until the ending.

00:45:16.420 We also, we are doing a rewatch of community. We don't watch it every night or anything like that,

00:45:21.240 but it's like, if we're doing chores and we need to clean up the house at the end of the night,

00:45:24.700 we'll like throw on community on the TV and it just makes us laugh. So that's one of our favorite

00:45:28.940 shows to just kind of have on in the background. And we recently watched the movie, the pale blue eye

00:45:34.320 with Christian Bale. Uh, and it's an interesting movie goes in. I mean, it's, it's gruesome. So keep

00:45:43.980 that in mind, but, uh, it's, it's a detective story in some ways. It's more like an old fashioned

00:45:49.700 detective story. Like it's, I can imagine this was made in the 1930s or 1940s, but it's just

00:45:56.200 shot more slickly because it's current. And I like Christian Bale's acting a lot. The other character

00:46:02.620 who plays, um, Poe, Edgar Allen Poe is the guy who played Dudley from Harry Potter. So that's funny.

00:46:11.240 And it's, I think I would recommend it, but it is dark and it's not totally what you expect. So

00:46:20.580 yeah, interesting film. Definitely interesting. The next question is, I'm struggling with my dating

00:46:28.200 life right now. I'm in college and I have a few guy friends who I think are cute. I keep waiting for

00:46:33.780 the guys I like to approach me, but it's just not happening. Should I be doing something differently?

00:46:38.700 Any suggestions? So yes, I do have some suggestions, but also what I'll say is dating is hard. And I

00:46:46.580 went through this exact thing when I was dating, there were all of these guys that I was interested

00:46:50.280 in and I felt like they would never reciprocate. And I was like, what is this? What is wrong with

00:46:56.620 me that I can't get the guys that I like to be interested in me? It was so frustrating. So

00:47:01.660 one of the things I learned, and I've talked about this before on my channel

00:47:06.040 is the idea of extroversion and introversion. So when I was in the dating market, I was very

00:47:18.140 extroverted. Now, what I'll say about myself is that I am an introverted, an extroverted introvert,

00:47:24.160 which means that I generally recharge by being alone, but I'm very comfortable in social situations

00:47:30.160 and I enjoy social situations. So I would be hanging out with people and they would think

00:47:35.960 that I was overall an extrovert. Well, generally the way things work is that extroverts are attracted

00:47:43.880 to introverts and introverts are attracted to extroverts. So when I was going out to these parties

00:47:49.400 and meeting people and whatever, I was attracting introverts. Introverts were the ones who are expressing

00:47:56.800 their interest in me. And I am not attracted to introverts. I don't really get along. It's not

00:48:03.940 that I don't get along with them. I just find it a little bit boring. That wasn't my thing as far as

00:48:09.040 dating. I wanted to be with a guy who was extroverted. I wanted to be with a guy who was

00:48:12.220 really kind of fun to talk to and could fill up a room. The guy I ended up with is probably the most

00:48:17.840 extroverted person you'll ever meet. So I really liked that. And what I had to learn to do

00:48:23.540 was pull back on that extroverted quality when I was around people so that I would attract extroverts

00:48:30.980 and it worked. It's possible that you are putting out a vibe that is attracting a different kind of

00:48:39.220 guy than you want. So if you are doing the same thing that I do and you're finding that the extroverted

00:48:45.860 guys that you're interested in aren't showing interest in you, maybe try being a little more

00:48:51.080 introverted and see if that kind of pulls those men who you are interested in towards you.

00:48:59.080 The other things you can do are just making yourself attractive and approachable. I always

00:49:04.880 am a big fan of, you know, putting on nice clothing, doing your hair a little bit, putting on a little

00:49:10.940 bit of makeup, whether that be mascara or more, and just trying to look your best and also trying to

00:49:18.980 seem like you are a friendly person that someone can approach, kind of giving men the opportunity

00:49:25.120 to come over and chat with you. So that's always important. The last thing is maybe the guys you're

00:49:32.820 attracted to aren't the right guys. Sometimes we are attracted to guys who are like fun but really

00:49:39.060 aren't good for us because the chemistry is there but the compatibility isn't. So evaluate that.

00:49:46.480 Evaluate if the guys that you are actually interested in are good for you and then you'll see maybe

00:49:53.880 that's the, maybe that's one of the factors here is that you, it's possible that you're attracted to

00:50:00.060 guys who aren't really the kinds of guys you should be ending up with. I've had that experience where

00:50:06.500 you kind of go through a phase where the guys that you are interested in are not really good for you.

00:50:10.200 So just examine that. That's my advice. And my last question here is what are your thoughts

00:50:18.820 on purity culture? So I did a little bit of research into purity culture and I'm not going

00:50:23.600 to say I'm an expert on it because I'm not. And here's where I come with that. So the idea of

00:50:31.980 waiting to have sex until marriage is incredibly important. I am a huge proponent of that. I talk

00:50:37.140 about it very openly. I think that giving sex the importance it deserves within the framework of

00:50:44.260 family and within the framework of marriage is really, really like the way to go. But when we

00:50:53.580 talk about purity culture, the issue I have is twofold. One is that there's such an emphasis

00:51:02.040 on virginity as if virginity in and of itself is important. Now, I don't care about virginity.

00:51:10.660 I don't care about the virgin idea like that. Who cares? Because what ends up happening, I've heard

00:51:20.020 is that for a lot of women, it's hard for them to break free of that narrative of like the purity 1.00

00:51:25.960 of being a virgin. And then when they get married and they're allowed to have sex, it's like, okay,

00:51:31.640 well, am I impure now? Is sex bad? Is sex gross? I am not a proponent of that framing. Sex is 0.86

00:51:42.800 wonderful within the right boundaries, with the right person, when you can start a family and when

00:51:49.800 you can grow an intimate relationship with the person you've made a lifelong commitment to.

00:51:55.280 Sex is great. And I never struggled with that feeling of like, oh, sex is bad. Sex is bad. Sex

00:52:03.320 is bad. And now I have to flick a switch and now say sex is good. I was always under the impression 0.99

00:52:08.180 that sex was great. It just wasn't for me before I got married. It wasn't for my life until I was with 0.93

00:52:15.620 my spouse. So I find that that's an issue is the idea that virginity is what matters. It's not what

00:52:25.300 matters. We're giving sex too much credence or rather virginity, too much credence. And it's not,

00:52:33.220 it's not about virginity. It's about viewing sex for what it's for. Sex is very important and sex is

00:52:41.600 beautiful, but it has a role. And if we understand its role, then it doesn't need to be about virginity

00:52:47.400 and purity. It needs, it's about the utility, the utility of sex and how amazing it can be

00:52:54.280 when it's treated with respect. And when I say utility, I don't mean from a utilitarian perspective.

00:53:00.180 I mean, it can be pleasure and, and wonder and just a really great way to bring a couple together,

00:53:07.680 but it also has a, an important role in reproduction. And, uh, that means that it needs

00:53:14.520 to be within a, an important framework for couples who are married and to bring couples together.

00:53:21.680 So I don't like the idea of the focus on virginity itself, holding virginity on a pedestal

00:53:29.200 rather than recognizing the beauty of sex and its importance within the bounds of marriage is what the

00:53:34.420 problem is. Now, the other problem I have with purity culture is the idea that

00:53:39.180 because it's about virginity, if somebody loses their virginity and has sex, then they can't come

00:53:48.200 back from it. They like are now stained. And I have an issue with that because once you realize what the

00:53:57.780 importance of sex is and how, what it's for, then you're on the right page, you've done all the

00:54:03.760 right things. You are moving forward and you can put sex in its rightful place. That's the important 0.74

00:54:11.720 thing. If the fact that you had sex before is now like a stain on you that you can't come back from,

00:54:21.100 that is a problem. So I don't think I'm a fan of purity culture because I think it kind of misses

00:54:28.240 the mark on what the point is of waiting to have sex until you're married. And I don't really like

00:54:36.480 the phrase. I don't know if I've used it before, but I'm thinking on it right now. I don't really

00:54:41.100 like the phrase saving yourself for marriage or rather, yeah, saving yourself for marriage as opposed

00:54:47.660 to saving sex for marriage because the virginity, it kind of gets up in that virginity area again, 0.90

00:54:55.900 where it's like, okay, you as virgin are holy. You as person who has had sex are not. And that is 0.92

00:55:02.600 incorrect. It's just that sex is really, really beautiful when you can share it with your husband

00:55:09.080 and using sex as something just for pleasure and hedonistic, whatever is much worse for everyone

00:55:19.640 involved. So that's my response to the idea of purity culture. But if you have any thoughts

00:55:27.440 and feelings on that, I'd love to hear them in the comments. And that is it for today's video.

00:55:32.960 And that is it for today's podcast. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Let me know what you think in

00:55:40.780 the comments on Substack or here on YouTube. If you aren't already subscribed, make sure to subscribe

00:55:46.700 on Apple podcasts so you can get notified of my new episodes as well as Spotify or anywhere else you

00:55:51.920 listen to podcasts. And I would love if you would consider sharing this with friends and family so that

00:55:56.040 they can hear it as well. And I'll see you guys in my next episode. Bye.

00:56:02.960 Bye.

00:56:32.960 Bye.

00:57:02.960 Bye.

00:57:32.960 Bye.

00:58:02.960 Bye.

00:58:32.960 Bye.

00:59:02.960 Bye.

00:59:32.960 Bye.

00:59:33.960 Bye.

The Classically Abby Podcast - February 14, 2023

Ep. 6 ｜ 5 Ways You're FIGHTING Your Femininity (and how to stop it)

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