The Classically Abby Podcast - February 14, 2023


Ep. 6 ｜ 5 Ways You're FIGHTING Your Femininity (and how to stop it)


Episode Stats

Length

59 minutes

Words per Minute

153.65207

Word Count

9,155

Sentence Count

560

Misogynist Sentences

15

Hate Speech Sentences

22


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.120 Five ways you are fighting your femininity, why the Israelites were traumatized by hearing
00:00:06.580 the Ten Commandments from God Himself, and what are my thoughts on purity culture?
00:00:12.080 All this and more on today's episode of the Classically Abbey Podcast.
00:00:30.000 Hello, Classic Crew, and welcome to today's episode of the Classically Abbey Podcast.
00:00:37.540 We have a lot to talk about today, and I'm very excited to get into it.
00:00:42.400 If you are new here, make sure to subscribe to my channel, as well as to the podcast wherever
00:00:48.960 you listen to podcasts. It's available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, really just about anywhere.
00:00:53.720 So if you are interested in subscribing, make sure to do so. And I would love if you would
00:00:57.160 leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It really helps me out. We are going to be doing a main
00:01:03.080 topic today that's really interesting. We are talking about five ways that we are fighting
00:01:08.460 our femininity. I think that we are living in a time where we are constantly being taught
00:01:15.700 to push away those things that really do make us womanly and more feminine. And I want to
00:01:21.380 talk about how we can stop fighting those things. We'll also be doing our weekly captioning,
00:01:27.160 our faith talk, and stay tuned till the end where I'll be answering my premium subscriber
00:01:32.640 questions. If you'd like to become a premium subscriber and submit questions for future
00:01:37.140 podcast episodes, make sure to head over to classicallyabbey.substack.com, where you'll
00:01:41.620 get access to a ton of exclusive content, including my book club, as well as weekly exclusive articles
00:01:47.080 and an amazing community of women. And it's only $7 a month.
00:01:50.420 So now that I've said all of the things, I'm really looking forward to sharing a lot about
00:01:58.500 what I've been thinking about lately. And I just want to mention if my voice sounds a little
00:02:03.240 bit odd. My son had hand, foot and mouth, as I mentioned in a previous episode, and then
00:02:08.500 he caught a cold. And like two days later, legitimately two days later, and I've been kind of fighting
00:02:14.440 off that same cold. So I don't have the worst full blown version of it, but it's kind of
00:02:20.100 like in my sinuses, a little bit in my nose, a little bit in my ears, a little bit of a
00:02:25.420 sore throat, just like a little bit of everything. And so I'm just kind of in a fog as far as
00:02:31.420 just muddling my way through it. But my voice might sound a little off. That is why. So let's
00:02:37.800 just get into our weekly catch up. So let's start with this. I actually wrote an article
00:02:44.680 about it for my Substack. And I'm just going to briefly touch on it here a little bit less
00:02:49.160 than I did in the article. But we are reading the book, The Happiness Hypothesis for Book
00:02:55.500 Club. Actually, we just finished it. We did our book club meeting last night. And it really
00:03:00.960 got me to thinking. And I really enjoyed it a lot. I really recommend it. If you want to
00:03:04.160 check it out, it's available anywhere. I listened to it on Audible. It's by Jonathan Haidt. And
00:03:10.940 funnily enough, one of the things that actually got me to thinking was something that he wasn't
00:03:17.440 a proponent of, but he was kind of explaining his train of thought. And when he was in high
00:03:23.660 school, at the end of high school, he sort of had an existential crisis when he realized that
00:03:28.420 he was an atheist and he was nihilistic. And he was kind of like, OK, well, how do I make
00:03:33.940 life meaningful to me? And for him, it was, well, I have to live life to the fullest because
00:03:38.480 there's nothing after this. Now, he Jonathan Haidt is an atheist, but he does kind of shift
00:03:45.800 that perspective in the book, the perspective of, you know, living life to the fullest in
00:03:51.800 a negative way. But it did get me to thinking, you know, my life in many ways is more mundane
00:03:59.100 because I am, you know, a stay-at-home mom. I'm a homemaker and I'm doing a lot of the same things,
00:04:07.000 a lot of the same chores day in and day out. I wash my son's high chair 50 times a day.
00:04:12.400 I am sweeping the floor. I am cooking dinner. I am washing dishes. And I kind of asked myself,
00:04:20.040 OK, well, is this what living life to the fullest looks like? Or is it those women who say,
00:04:27.060 you know, I don't want to have kids, I don't want to have a family and can jet set anywhere
00:04:31.360 they want, can have brunch on their own schedule, can kind of live life more for themselves,
00:04:37.560 which looks very glamorous. You know, it looks very appealing from the outside.
00:04:44.800 And after sitting with that for a while, I kind of kind of realized something. And I think maybe this
00:04:50.320 is a useful realization on a number of topics that you could kind of use whenever you're starting to
00:04:57.700 question whether you'd be happier doing something else or whether the grass is greener. And that is
00:05:03.680 my general level of happiness and contentment is very, very high. I have a fundamental happiness
00:05:12.020 built into my day to day because of all of the things that I have. So because I'm married,
00:05:17.440 because I have a son, because I get to be with him every day and I get to see him grow,
00:05:21.840 my actual like base level of happiness and contentment is up here. And so I was sort of
00:05:31.320 super imposing my current level of happiness on the activities of the life that these women are living,
00:05:41.980 where they're jet setting and traveling and doing all these fun things. And I say this because I did that
00:05:48.600 before I got married, before I met my husband, I was traveling a lot because I was an opera singer.
00:05:55.260 I was doing things on my own schedule. I was dating for fun. I was dressing immodestly. And at the end of the
00:06:02.120 day, I was really not very happy. Like my day to day was was theoretically a little more exciting.
00:06:08.740 But at the end of every day, I came home and I felt empty because I didn't have someone waiting
00:06:14.000 for me at home. I didn't have my little baby to play with and to hug and to hold. And it looks
00:06:21.000 like very, a very fun thing to see these women doing these crazy things. I mean, on social media,
00:06:26.460 it looks really nice that they're getting to do these amazing trips. And, you know, they're always
00:06:30.680 have like a glass of wine in their hand or something like that. But at the same time,
00:06:34.960 when I actually lived that, it wasn't as glamorous as it looks. But because of where I'm at now,
00:06:41.920 I can kind of look at those activities and think, oh, that would be fun. Maybe that's what a life
00:06:47.260 of fun looks like because my base level is so good, because my base level of contentment is so high.
00:06:54.440 So the lesson here is not that I should be giving up everything I have, God forbid,
00:07:00.160 and running off to do these crazy things. It's that you have to remember where the actual
00:07:10.000 contentment is. And then you can sprinkle in those fun activities instead of making them your whole
00:07:15.580 life. So instead of saying, okay, I need to throw out the life I'm living and go do this living life
00:07:23.580 to the fullest lifestyle. Instead of doing that, you can think, okay, I want to live my mundane life
00:07:30.520 because that mundane life actually is what brings me contentment. But sometimes it can get a little
00:07:35.880 monotonous. And so I should sprinkle in those fun-filled activities from this picture that I'm
00:07:42.500 seeing. So I can take a vacation once or twice a year. I should do date night once a week. I should go
00:07:48.880 see a movie. I can go do brunch with my friends and sprinkle in those fun-filled activities while
00:07:54.800 maintaining the joy that your mundane life brings you. So I don't know if that made sense, but I would
00:08:00.440 love if you would leave a comment. You can leave a comment on YouTube if you're watching this, or you
00:08:05.860 can leave a comment on my sub stack where you will get access to the comment section. So I thought that
00:08:13.080 was kind of an interesting realization and it was very helpful for me to remember
00:08:18.840 kind of what that mundane, I want to say mundanity, it's not a word, mundaneness, sure, that mundane, where
00:08:28.740 that mundaneness really provides for me and brings me joy and that it is something that is the root of all
00:08:37.520 of my happiness. So that's where I wanted to start. But next up, I want to briefly talk about the
00:08:46.360 satanistic performance at the Grammys. I don't know if you guys watched it. It kind of went viral, mostly in the
00:08:53.700 conservative movement, I would say, on the conservative, or rather in the conservative
00:08:56.560 commentators space. We were all kind of shocked and horrified, although that's what the left really wants us to be,
00:09:05.840 is they're doing this to poke us and to goad us into talking about it. But at the Grammy Awards,
00:09:13.320 if you didn't see, there was a satanistic performance by Sam Smith and Kim Petrus.
00:09:16.940 It was really kind of gross and shocking and, I mean, meant to make us look at them and say this is
00:09:26.920 a ritual to Satan. So I wanted to mention why the left worships at Satan's altar,
00:09:35.180 rather than God's. Because I think that there's an important point to be set on this.
00:09:43.220 If God, you know, God is benevolent, he is good and kind and loving, and he takes care of us.
00:09:51.240 But God is also judgmental in some ways, and he has standards that we should uphold, right?
00:10:00.900 In order for societies and civilizations to thrive, we need certain standards. We need to be
00:10:08.260 clear about what is good and what is bad, what is moral, what is right.
00:10:14.800 But if God is judgmental and has standards, to the left, that must mean that God is bad.
00:10:22.280 Because Satan doesn't care what people do. Satan is non-judgmental because he accepts
00:10:32.180 anyone for doing anything wrong, anything bad, anything evil. But that must mean that he's good
00:10:38.620 because he's not judgmental. When the height of morality is not being judgmental,
00:10:45.880 then you get a worship of Satan. Satan encourages people to act in their own self-interest at the
00:10:56.540 cost of others. And the interesting thing about that is that the left sees self, right? Self-interest.
00:11:05.380 They see self as the most important and most virtuous thing. To thine own self be true is their
00:11:12.320 highest virtue, even if that comes at the cost of other people. So Satan, who is telling people to
00:11:23.040 go after whatever they, or rather, makes people think that they should go after whatever they want,
00:11:27.420 right? Like that, that's the most important thing is do you. You do you is the Satan catchphrase.
00:11:35.200 Whereas God is, you know, don't do unto others as you would not done unto yourself.
00:11:40.100 That judgmental in a good way thing that God, you know, has created the world with and, and runs the
00:11:49.820 world with and keep civilization strong and society strong. The left can't accept it because judgment
00:11:59.300 is the highest, is the highest for evil. It's an interesting thing to keep in mind. So on a totally
00:12:08.400 other note, right, we just kind of went through the zeitgeist a little bit. Uh, I wanted to just
00:12:12.800 chat a little about why I love putting on makeup. I've been thinking about putting on makeup a little
00:12:19.360 bit lately, just because it's something that really brings me so much joy. And I know that for some
00:12:24.720 people, makeup is a waste of time. It bores them, but I just love putting on makeup. And the reason is
00:12:30.840 there's a few reasons. One is for me, that is my time. That is my time to do something for me.
00:12:36.600 And it really isn't for anyone else. I just love doing my makeup. It like makes me happy to have
00:12:41.880 some time that I just say, okay, this is my time. And I don't have to worry about anybody else.
00:12:47.480 But on top of it, I find makeup really creative and fun and transformative. And I like, it's like
00:12:56.740 flexing my, my creative muscle every morning because I can do something different every single day.
00:13:03.300 I can do a different kind of bronzer. I can do a different kind of highlight. I can do a different
00:13:07.340 kind of eyeshadow and just mixing and matching colors and doing things that are very cool to see
00:13:13.840 the change in real time. And then it washes off at the end of the day. So if I really didn't like it,
00:13:19.100 no worries. I think that if people viewed, if women who are really, they view makeup as a chore,
00:13:27.620 if they viewed makeup more as something fun and creative, then they could enjoy the process more.
00:13:34.480 And that's not to say that if you're somebody who doesn't enjoy the wearing makeup at all,
00:13:38.160 that you need to do it. But if you're somebody who kind of feels like they should wear makeup,
00:13:43.100 or is in a situation where you're going to work and it's more professional to wear makeup,
00:13:48.440 then finding the joy in it, I think is really nice. And so I'm a big fan.
00:13:55.280 So next up, I think it's important to talk about putting your house to bed because recently I've
00:14:00.200 been taking the time, putting in the effort to clean my house at the end of every day. I used
00:14:05.200 to kind of let it build up, maybe do like a once a clean or twice or once a week or twice a week
00:14:10.300 cleanup, or I'd leave dishes till the morning. But recently I've been really doing the thing that
00:14:16.920 I've been told to do many times, which is to clean the house before you go to sleep. So you wake up
00:14:22.580 to a clean house. It really does make a difference, especially if you work from home,
00:14:26.960 knowing that you aren't going to have to do chores first thing in the morning and being able to get
00:14:33.420 your day started right from the beginning. It is so helpful. And so I've been, you know,
00:14:39.720 trying to keep up with cleanliness throughout the day so it doesn't all build up at night. So
00:14:44.180 for example, when my son makes a mess on the floor, instead of leaving that till the end of the day,
00:14:49.860 I will sweep up a number of times because he makes a number of messes throughout the day
00:14:54.400 to keep the floor clean. And by the end of the day, when we get there, it's like by the evening,
00:15:00.940 I don't have to worry about the floor being a total mess. Or I try to do one load of laundry a day,
00:15:07.320 or I try to wash the dishes as I go or put them in the dishwasher instead of in the sink.
00:15:11.620 That really does make a big difference. And I think it can just remove a little bit of stress that we
00:15:17.700 all have when we wake up in the morning. I mean, you wake up to a clean house and you feel like
00:15:21.000 you can take on the day for sure. Last but not least, let's talk a little bit about a movie I
00:15:28.380 rewatched with my parents and my husband the other night, How to Train Your Dragon. Have you guys seen
00:15:33.820 that? It's been a while since I watched it, but I used to love that movie. And the score is
00:15:40.360 absolutely outrageously good. But that movie is so fun and I really, really enjoyed it. And I know
00:15:48.920 that there's a second one and a third one, which I've never seen and I really want to watch. So
00:15:52.280 let me know if you have seen those, if you've seen How to Train Your Dragon 2 and How to Train
00:15:57.320 Your Dragon 3. I'd love to hear because I've heard good things and I want to watch them because I'm
00:16:02.780 rewatching the first one. I really enjoyed it. Toothless is super cute. Hiccup is a little bit
00:16:09.320 annoying, but I can enjoy his character. And just the whole concept is fun. Although I do have one
00:16:16.780 question. So hear me out. All of the dragons in the movie are innocent, but they're responding to
00:16:28.180 the giant like overlord dragon, which is calling them to steal animals or whatever from the people
00:16:37.100 that Hiccup is from. So my question is, they then go to attack the ginormous dragon. I keep wanting to
00:16:47.800 call it a dinosaur because it looks like a dinosaur, but it's a dragon. And they just destroy it. But how
00:16:53.560 do we know what the giant dragon's motivation is? I mean, question left unanswered. I don't know if
00:17:04.120 that's a fair question, but I don't know. It seems funny that we can give all of the other dragons a
00:17:09.920 pass and not the giant one because we learn the motivation of the smaller dragons, but we never
00:17:15.000 learn the motivation of the giant dragon that's controlling them. They just take it out. So
00:17:21.260 interesting thought, right? I don't know. Maybe, maybe. So now let's get into the main portion of
00:17:27.360 today's episode, which is five ways you are fighting your femininity. We live in a world where
00:17:35.360 being feminine is relegated to silly outward appearance things, but also more than that, it,
00:17:44.860 it's just not valued in the same way. And I think that there's a lot of things we can do to embrace
00:17:51.620 our femininity, right? But not just embrace it. Stop fighting it. So I'm excited to share these
00:17:57.540 five things with you. Let's just get started. So number one is not accepting your changing body.
00:18:05.140 I say this as a postpartum mom. I'm 10 months postpartum and my body looks entirely different
00:18:12.220 than it did before I had a baby. And I don't know that it will ever look the same. And I'm not just
00:18:18.960 talking about weight gain, weight loss, whatever it is. I'm talking about structurally, my body is
00:18:24.700 different. My hips are wider. My waist is a little thicker. My stomach has stretch marks on it. I have
00:18:32.880 loose skin from carrying a baby. And it's an interesting thing because we live in a day where
00:18:41.500 we're constantly fighting for what we used to look like, right? We're always like looking
00:18:48.820 back to, okay, I want to look the same as I did when I was 16. I want to look the same as I did
00:18:53.440 before I had a baby. I want to look the same as I did before I had my second baby. And the truth is
00:18:57.880 that women, the feminine figure was meant to shift and change even before, you know, having children
00:19:06.480 throughout the month, your body changes throughout the month around your period. Your body will change
00:19:13.240 because of hormonal shifts, right? Men's bodies don't change. Men's bodies stick one way their whole
00:19:20.800 lives. If men choose to, you know, not take care of themselves, then, you know, they'll gain weight or
00:19:28.360 whatever else it is. But men's bodies do not react hormonally the same way that women's do. Women's bodies
00:19:35.140 are not supposed to stay the same. We are not supposed to look exactly the way we did before we had
00:19:42.080 children. After we have children, we are going to lose weight. We are going to gain weight. We are
00:19:47.180 going to have looser skin. We're going to have stretch marks. We're going to have, you know, our, our
00:19:53.100 bodies, our, our, our structure, our skeletal structure is going to change after we birth children.
00:20:00.740 Fighting femininity, fighting your body is telling yourself that you need to look exactly the same as you
00:20:09.940 did all your whole life. And it's just not realistic. Your body is going to change and it
00:20:17.460 should change. That is part of being a woman. The fact that our bodies can change to host a human being
00:20:25.280 is incredible. We, we love on our bodies so much. I think most women do not every woman, but most women
00:20:32.600 do. We love on our bodies so much for the fact that we can get pregnant and grow a human and our bodies
00:20:39.920 can house a little baby and our stomach stretch. We love that our bodies are flexible enough to do
00:20:46.720 that. But then we're like, bounce back, bounce back, bounce back. I think it's important to exercise,
00:20:52.660 to stay healthy, to eat well. I think that's all really important because taking care of yourself
00:20:59.580 is important. And there is a certain level of when you take care of yourself, then your body
00:21:05.720 responds in kind, AKA, it looks better when you take care of yourself, but is it going to look the
00:21:10.660 same? No. And I think the expectation that our bodies should remain the same throughout our entire
00:21:18.300 lives means you're fighting your femininity. So that's number one. Number two is fighting your nurturing
00:21:26.520 nature. When we are told to have sex with no strings attached, to sleep around and not get catch
00:21:38.000 feelings, things like that. And there's other examples I'm going to share here, but things like
00:21:43.680 that are fighting our nurturing nature. One of the most beautiful parts of being feminine is that we are
00:21:49.960 so nurturing, that we want to take care of people, that we want to give them a warm and loving home
00:21:56.300 and fighting that by trying to say, I'm not going to give of myself to someone else, right? Let's say
00:22:07.240 in a sexual relationship, in a physical relationship is so wrong. There's a reason that saving sex until
00:22:15.320 marriage is so beautiful because that nurturing nature where you want to take care of the person
00:22:20.780 that you are sharing that intimacy with is a perfect place to do it. You're supposed to do that. That
00:22:28.840 nurturing nature can come out and should come out. And in kind, your husband wants to take care of you.
00:22:37.340 It's so important for us to hold that nurturing nature close because otherwise we let it go.
00:22:45.320 And a woman who doesn't nurture starts to lose a little bit of herself.
00:22:50.560 Now, another version of this is when we become harsh disciplinarians or harsh spreader of truths.
00:23:00.920 Now, to be clear, I think that there are times that it is a lot of fun to be a little bit more
00:23:05.540 strident, a little bit more brash in the way that we talk about ideas. If you follow me on Instagram,
00:23:12.100 if you watch my reels, you will know that I do that with, with that content. I think that it's funny,
00:23:16.840 but the truth is when I'm really trying to change people's minds, when I'm really trying to give
00:23:23.020 some guidance, it has to be gentle. It has to be nurturing. It's so easy to kind of want to cross
00:23:30.680 over into that. Like, here's what it is. And I'm telling you what to do. And I'm going to be harsh
00:23:34.880 and I'm going to be a disciplinarian and I'm going to be bossy or whatever else it is. But
00:23:41.240 it is much more effective when we lean into that nurturing nature and we use our gentle guidance
00:23:47.580 to help impart wisdom, impart ideas, impart help. I know that even in, as a mother, it is unnatural
00:24:00.940 for me to really discipline harshly my son. When I come to him in a loving, kind, nurturing way,
00:24:10.720 first of all, he responds better. But second of all, I can feel that I feel pride in my mothering
00:24:19.020 in those moments. So don't fight that nurturing nature, embrace it because that is a huge part
00:24:27.180 of your femininity. Number three is embracing hustle culture rather than slow living. Guys,
00:24:36.120 I am, I am over hustle culture. I am over it. I don't like it. It's not my thing. Uh, I am much
00:24:44.660 more for slow living. Now I know that slow living can make a lot of people like pause and not really
00:24:53.000 understand and think that you're saying they have to quit their jobs and stay at home all the time and
00:24:58.340 never do anything that's really like stressful. That's not what I mean. I just mean being intentional
00:25:06.020 enjoying your everyday, taking time in those pockets that you have it to not be stressed and
00:25:14.520 not searching out stress in the moments you don't have to, AKA I have had many moments where I have
00:25:20.880 a few minutes just to spare. And instead of taking advantage of them in a positive, gentle way and
00:25:27.900 thinking, Oh, you know, I have a couple minutes, maybe I'll read, or maybe I'll play with my son.
00:25:32.560 I'll be like, what else do I have to do? I need to find something to do. I get really urgent about it.
00:25:37.800 That to me is more of a hustle culture perspective of, I need to constantly be busy. I need to
00:25:43.080 constantly be producing. I need to constantly be doing something very hectic. It's much more
00:25:51.560 feminine to embrace slow living, to cook something, take an extra 20 minutes and cook something tastier
00:26:02.080 rather than faster to sit with your baby and play for 15 minutes, just directed attention rather than
00:26:10.320 giving him two minutes and then running around to clean your house. It's so important to lean into
00:26:18.500 this life that we have and rushing constantly feeling rushed. Life is short, but it's also long
00:26:27.920 and it's important to us for us to take advantage of each and every moment and enjoy it. And when
00:26:36.480 you're rushing to get things done all the time and you like need to be busy, you're also rushing
00:26:42.940 time. Like you will get to the end of the day and feel like that time, that your day was just like
00:26:48.280 hectic and it just passed you by and you were running around as opposed to maybe half of your
00:26:54.840 day is like that. And the other half of your day, you get to the end and you're like, wow, that was
00:26:58.700 really a nice, luxurious day. I wish for all of us that our time feels luxurious. And that doesn't
00:27:09.240 mean 100% of the time, but even those small pockets of time that you really allow yourself to
00:27:16.260 just take things easy or to invest in a project that's fun and immersive. It's so feminine. It's
00:27:29.840 so important. I think start with cooking. That's an easy place to start. Cooking doesn't always have to
00:27:36.500 be two steps, one and done. Like it can be a thing that you follow the recipe and enjoy, like choose
00:27:44.080 something that's just a little bit more complicated, a little bit. It doesn't have to be a full day
00:27:48.360 project, but maybe something that you've never done before. The other night I made a spaghetti squash
00:27:53.380 and I'd never made spaghetti squash before. And I made a bolognese sauce that from scratch, like I didn't
00:28:01.000 just pour marinara sauce from a, from a bottle into the pan. I made one from scratch and just those
00:28:07.660 two things added maybe 15 minutes to the whole process, but it made it feel so much more luxurious
00:28:13.540 to me. And I really enjoyed the process. So embrace slow living and reject hustle culture.
00:28:22.140 Number four, the fourth way you are fighting your femininity is wearing only lounge wear.
00:28:31.140 I know that sounds funny, but we are in the era of athleisure. That is the fashion of today. Most
00:28:39.580 people wear leggings and a sweatshirt every single day and wearing pretty clothing that makes you feel
00:28:46.600 good is feminine. Wearing pretty clothing that accentuates your figure in a modest way. That's
00:28:53.080 so feminine, constantly covering yourself and what's comfortable or what's easy or things that
00:29:00.160 really disguise your figure, disguise your body. It just, it takes away one of the really beautiful
00:29:07.380 elements of womanhood. And that's not to say that you have to dress fancy or that you have to like
00:29:13.220 really think hard every day about your outfit, but it means taking a moment, picking something from
00:29:19.940 your closet that really speaks to you, that you really love, that expresses your personality,
00:29:24.780 that makes you feel good in your body. And that looks different for everybody. I had Sarah Therese on,
00:29:30.920 on my podcast a couple episodes ago, and she dresses not totally different from me because both of us
00:29:36.200 actually, there are some overlap, but she dresses in a way that is not typically feminine, but makes her
00:29:43.120 feel like a woman, right? Like she feels really good in her figure. She feels really good in her body.
00:29:49.620 I'm not speaking for her, but I think that that's true. I think she's kind of given that across on her
00:29:55.140 Instagram. And wearing just the same pair of baggy pants and the same baggy sweatshirt and whatever every
00:30:05.240 single day, it just takes away from the beauty of our figures, the beauty of the bodies God gave us,
00:30:12.060 and the beauty of expressing ourselves through our clothing. Style is a really fun way to express
00:30:18.620 your personality. And I always say it skips the first step of trying to show someone who you are
00:30:25.580 when they can kind of tell who you are through your clothes. So number four is wearing only loungewear
00:30:33.480 fights your femininity. So stop doing that. Start wearing beautiful clothing and clothing that makes
00:30:39.440 you feel good. Number five is sinking into social media. That's one of the ways you're fighting your
00:30:46.700 femininity. Femininity calls for socialization and being an active member of your community.
00:30:53.900 Social media makes you feel like you're doing that, but really you're sequestering yourself behind a
00:30:59.320 screen. The most dangerous things in life are the things that make you think you're doing something
00:31:05.460 positive. So you invest your time and energy into it, but really are a waste of your time.
00:31:11.520 Another example often for men is video games. Now I'm not like anti all video games. I think there are
00:31:17.380 certain scenarios when you're playing with your friends, when it is a social activity that can be
00:31:22.100 fine. But a lot of video gaming is about pursuit of a goal. And so you'll play until you get that goal.
00:31:32.680 But really there's no goal to be had in beating a video game, right? It's not really useful.
00:31:39.520 The same as social media. Social media feels like you're socializing. It's called social media. Oh,
00:31:45.600 I'm talking to my friends. I'm keeping in touch with people. I'm following along with their lives.
00:31:52.460 But the truth is that the advent of social media has actually ruined a lot of relationships.
00:31:58.540 It keeps you kind of in touch on the very fringes of your mind at all times, but you're not actually
00:32:08.060 in touch. Like when is the last time you spoke to the people that you follow on social media,
00:32:13.140 actually called them on the phone or saw them in person and got coffee?
00:32:16.860 Not very often. It's probably pretty rare. So social media takes away that impetus of us as women
00:32:25.100 to be really active community members and active parts of our social groups. There's something
00:32:31.080 wonderful about having a book club in person or on my sub stack, for example, or being a part of your
00:32:38.380 synagogues community or your church's community. It's so important. And it makes you,
00:32:45.640 one of the things I always say is important about femininity is being strong enough that people can
00:32:50.160 depend on you. And that is one of the most core things about being a good community member.
00:32:55.860 So if you are not available for that, because you're too active on social media, and I say this
00:33:02.640 to myself as much as anyone else, you are fighting your femininity and it's not worth it. It's so much
00:33:08.460 better to be a part of your PTA or to be somebody who is helping your community grow and be better
00:33:17.680 with your involvement as a woman. It really makes a difference. So those are my five ways you are
00:33:25.820 fighting your femininity. Let me know what you guys think. I always love to hear your thoughts.
00:33:30.640 So now let's get into today's faith talk. So today's Parsha is Yitro. Today's Torah portion
00:33:38.420 is Yitro, which is Hebrew for Jethro, Moses' father-in-law. And here is the summary of this
00:33:45.960 Parsha from Chabad's website. Moses' father-in-law Jethro hears the great miracles which God performed
00:33:52.240 for the people of Israel and comes from Midian to the Israelite camp, bringing with him Moses' wife
00:33:57.620 and his two sons. Jethro advises Moses to appoint a hierarchy of magistrates and judges to assist him
00:34:04.320 in the task of governing and administering justice to the people. Honestly, I could do a whole talk just
00:34:10.160 about that, about how important it is to delegate and not try and take on all of the responsibilities
00:34:15.280 because when we do, we end up doing everything a little bit worse as opposed to taking on the things
00:34:21.240 that we can actually handle and doing them well. But that's not the main focus. But I think that
00:34:26.840 that's just interesting. It's an important point for us to remember. The children of Israel camp
00:34:32.180 opposite Mount Sinai, where they are told that God has chosen them to be his kingdom of priests
00:34:36.540 and holy nation. The people respond by proclaiming, all that God has spoken, we shall do. On the sixth
00:34:42.440 day of the third month, seven weeks after the Exodus, the entire nation of Israel assembles at the foot
00:34:47.620 of Mount Sinai for the giving of the Torah. God descends on the mountain amidst thunder, lightning,
00:34:52.960 billows of smoke and the blast of the shofar and summons Moses to attend to ascend. Now, I just
00:34:59.900 want to put in here that I feel like it's interesting. Doesn't it sound like Mount Sinai is just a
00:35:04.840 volcano from that description? I don't think it is. I mean, at least from what we know about Mount
00:35:10.440 Sinai now, it's not. But it's it just seems like a volcano. It's sort of funny. God proclaims the
00:35:17.860 Ten Commandments, commanding the people of Israel to believe in God, not to worship idols or take God's
00:35:22.560 name in vain, to keep the Sabbath, honor their parents, not to murder, not to commit adultery,
00:35:27.540 not to steal and not to bear false witness or covet another's property. The people cry out to Moses
00:35:32.840 that the revelation is too intense for them to bear, begging him to receive the Torah from God
00:35:37.580 and convey it to them. I think this is such an interesting Torah portion because, I mean, so
00:35:43.500 important, right? We're getting the Ten Commandments. Everything that this is all based on, everything we
00:35:48.840 believe in. It's amazing. It's incredible. It's just so interesting to go back to these like big
00:35:53.760 turning points in faith, in our faith. You know, some parshas, some Torah portions are more focused on
00:36:01.680 a specific story. But things like this, this is the moment where the Israelites became the Jews, where
00:36:08.960 the Israelites received the Torah. And that's just amazing. But what I want to focus on today is
00:36:14.180 the fact that the Israelites were traumatized, essentially, when they heard God speaking
00:36:20.940 directly to them. The question is why? I think so many of us wish we could just talk to God
00:36:27.940 like and have him respond, right? Like talk to God face to face in a sense so that we could get an
00:36:34.500 understanding of what this is all about. Why do bad things happen? Why is this happening? Not this
00:36:40.300 thing. Like why is the world the way that it is? We want to understand the world and talking to God,
00:36:47.660 speaking to God, being there with God seems like an amazing opportunity. Why would they be traumatized
00:36:56.060 by it? I understand the idea that it could be just scary. But there's something in, I think it has to
00:37:03.160 just be more than it was just, you know, God's voice was a loudspeaker and there were fireworks.
00:37:09.560 You know, it's not just the surround sound experience. I think there's more to it than that.
00:37:17.980 My idea of God and of being in the presence of God is that it's an immersive experience.
00:37:26.040 God isn't just a thing. He's not just a person. He's not just a creature. He's not just a loud
00:37:36.220 booming voice. God is everything. That means he is past, present, and future all at once happening
00:37:47.640 in front of you. He is truth in all of its glory. When you are in God's presence, when God
00:37:55.000 was giving the Torah to the Jewish people, he wasn't just loud. It wasn't just a voice they
00:38:03.460 were hearing. It was being in the presence of everything all at once. That's too overwhelming.
00:38:12.460 It's too overwhelming to see and know everything that God knows. We think that if we understood
00:38:20.160 everything from beginning to end, we'd be able to navigate the world in a more positive and
00:38:24.760 effective way. But the truth is, if we knew everything that was going to happen and everything
00:38:31.000 that did happen, it would be too much to comprehend. And we probably still couldn't accept it.
00:38:38.320 We are not able to see what true good looks like in the sense that we don't know why everything
00:38:47.100 has to happen the way that it does. God does. God understands. God understands and weighs things
00:38:52.340 accordingly. We can't see things outside of our own worldview. So even seeing through God's eyes
00:38:58.960 or seeing everything that God knows, we couldn't comprehend how everything needs to fit in and slot
00:39:06.260 in with each other. So we might see something that looks like a complete and utter tragedy or a complete
00:39:11.580 and utter triumph. And while God can see that as all part of a whole, we can only see it at our level.
00:39:23.900 We can only see how it affects the certain things we understand. And even within the context of
00:39:31.380 everything in the world, it's still too big, too much for us to take in.
00:39:39.460 We have to trust in God's plan. Because even if we could see it, we couldn't understand it.
00:39:47.620 So I think that that's what we can learn. We can't really, truly know God, even though we want to.
00:39:56.500 Even though we want to be able to connect with God in the sense of understanding everything he does,
00:40:05.980 we just can't. We simply cannot. The human mind cannot accept all of the different layers and
00:40:14.080 levels that God is and knows and takes care of. The truth is, in order to be human,
00:40:24.600 in order to live in the world that God created for us, we cannot know everything that God has
00:40:31.700 planned. So at the end of the day, we have to trust in God and believe in God and deepen our
00:40:38.940 relationship with God in order to find beauty and meaning in life. And that means not necessarily
00:40:47.380 understanding how everything is going to turn out, but knowing that God does and that we are not God.
00:40:54.600 There is a reason that we are not God, that we are just people, that God put on earth to be a part
00:41:02.800 of him, right? We each have a little bit of God inside of us, our souls, but we are not ultimately God.
00:41:08.920 And that is okay. It's hard, but it's also okay. So we have to accept where we're at, who we are and
00:41:22.560 where we're at, and trust that God can provide for us and knows more than we do.
00:41:30.540 So that is my faith talk for today. Let's go ahead and get into my premium subscriber questions.
00:41:39.620 Okay. So the first question I am pulling from our discussion thread on Substack, we have community
00:41:45.760 discussion threads every week. And the question is, how did you manage being heavier after pregnancy
00:41:51.100 and buying clothes you knew you wouldn't want long-term? That sort of relates back to the main
00:41:56.720 portion of today's episode that women's bodies are ever changing. But I think this is such a funny
00:42:00.540 question because I've been thinking about this because I want to declutter my closet, but at the
00:42:06.920 same time, I have so many different stages of my body that I will be going through in the next five to
00:42:14.420 10 years, right? Because I will be getting pregnant again with God's help. I will be having a
00:42:21.120 postpartum period. I will hopefully be breastfeeding again. I will then be, you know, not breastfeeding
00:42:27.720 and I'll just be kind of back to my pre-pregnancy weight, hopefully, or at least some version of that.
00:42:33.760 And I will be not breastfeeding and then I'll be pregnant again. So it's a cycle. So I have to keep
00:42:40.380 all of my clothes for all of those different times in my future. I have to keep the clothes for maternity.
00:42:46.040 I have to keep the clothes for breastfeeding. I have to keep the clothes for, you know, one or two sizes
00:42:49.700 bigger than I am for that postpartum period. So I think the answer to your question is if you are
00:42:58.020 planning on getting pregnant again after the current pregnancy that you're in, then you can
00:43:03.480 invest in a couple of pieces. And I don't mean invest in like a really nice amount of money, but
00:43:08.740 you can get some pieces or rather a really nice amount, a really nice piece of clothing. What I mean
00:43:16.040 is, is a piece of clothing that isn't stretchy. You can spend money on a pair of pants that's a size
00:43:21.280 or two bigger than you normally are because you will wear it again after your next pregnancy.
00:43:27.040 That's what I did. I have a few pieces that like a pair of jeans or a couple of pair of jeans that I
00:43:32.400 can wear post pregnancies because I plan on being pregnant multiple times. But if that isn't the case
00:43:39.880 for you, I think finding some clothing and even if it is the case for you, it's just useful to have
00:43:44.860 some clothing that's stretchy. I have a lot of clothes that I got for my postpartum period that
00:43:50.300 were just a little more forgiving and could go from, you know, my 15 pounds overweight that I was
00:43:56.900 after having a baby to five pounds overweight or closer to my pre-pregnancy size. So choosing clothing
00:44:04.240 that is just either a little bit boxier or a little bit stretchier will be a little more forgiving on
00:44:12.020 your body and can still be worn through many of the stages that your body's going to go through
00:44:16.940 pre, uh, post-pregnancy and during pregnancy. So that's my, that's my, my suggestion, my advice.
00:44:26.220 What movies or shows are you and your husband watching lately? So my husband and I just finished
00:44:32.320 watching the newest season of Fauda. We loved the first three seasons. We weren't the biggest fan
00:44:37.560 of the last season, to be honest, but we loved that show. We love the characters. It's in Hebrew.
00:44:43.280 It's an Israeli show and we really liked the way it's produced. We really liked stories. It's all
00:44:49.100 about parallels, which is really interesting. So I do recommend the first three seasons. I don't know
00:44:53.840 what's coming after this season. So maybe there's like something that can redeem it, but I didn't love
00:44:58.740 this current season. Um, but I, I do love Israeli television because we also watched another Israeli
00:45:04.840 show called when heroes fly. And I really enjoyed it. I did feel like they didn't stick the landing.
00:45:09.640 Like the last episode wasn't great. It was a limited series, but I did enjoy it up until the ending.
00:45:16.420 We also, we are doing a rewatch of community. We don't watch it every night or anything like that,
00:45:21.240 but it's like, if we're doing chores and we need to clean up the house at the end of the night,
00:45:24.700 we'll like throw on community on the TV and it just makes us laugh. So that's one of our favorite
00:45:28.940 shows to just kind of have on in the background. And we recently watched the movie, the pale blue eye
00:45:34.320 with Christian Bale. Uh, and it's an interesting movie goes in. I mean, it's, it's gruesome. So keep
00:45:43.980 that in mind, but, uh, it's, it's a detective story in some ways. It's more like an old fashioned
00:45:49.700 detective story. Like it's, I can imagine this was made in the 1930s or 1940s, but it's just
00:45:56.200 shot more slickly because it's current. And I like Christian Bale's acting a lot. The other character
00:46:02.620 who plays, um, Poe, Edgar Allen Poe is the guy who played Dudley from Harry Potter. So that's funny.
00:46:11.240 And it's, I think I would recommend it, but it is dark and it's not totally what you expect. So
00:46:20.580 yeah, interesting film. Definitely interesting. The next question is, I'm struggling with my dating
00:46:28.200 life right now. I'm in college and I have a few guy friends who I think are cute. I keep waiting for
00:46:33.780 the guys I like to approach me, but it's just not happening. Should I be doing something differently?
00:46:38.700 Any suggestions? So yes, I do have some suggestions, but also what I'll say is dating is hard. And I
00:46:46.580 went through this exact thing when I was dating, there were all of these guys that I was interested
00:46:50.280 in and I felt like they would never reciprocate. And I was like, what is this? What is wrong with
00:46:56.620 me that I can't get the guys that I like to be interested in me? It was so frustrating. So
00:47:01.660 one of the things I learned, and I've talked about this before on my channel
00:47:06.040 is the idea of extroversion and introversion. So when I was in the dating market, I was very
00:47:18.140 extroverted. Now, what I'll say about myself is that I am an introverted, an extroverted introvert,
00:47:24.160 which means that I generally recharge by being alone, but I'm very comfortable in social situations
00:47:30.160 and I enjoy social situations. So I would be hanging out with people and they would think
00:47:35.960 that I was overall an extrovert. Well, generally the way things work is that extroverts are attracted
00:47:43.880 to introverts and introverts are attracted to extroverts. So when I was going out to these parties
00:47:49.400 and meeting people and whatever, I was attracting introverts. Introverts were the ones who are expressing
00:47:56.800 their interest in me. And I am not attracted to introverts. I don't really get along. It's not
00:48:03.940 that I don't get along with them. I just find it a little bit boring. That wasn't my thing as far as
00:48:09.040 dating. I wanted to be with a guy who was extroverted. I wanted to be with a guy who was
00:48:12.220 really kind of fun to talk to and could fill up a room. The guy I ended up with is probably the most
00:48:17.840 extroverted person you'll ever meet. So I really liked that. And what I had to learn to do
00:48:23.540 was pull back on that extroverted quality when I was around people so that I would attract extroverts
00:48:30.980 and it worked. It's possible that you are putting out a vibe that is attracting a different kind of
00:48:39.220 guy than you want. So if you are doing the same thing that I do and you're finding that the extroverted
00:48:45.860 guys that you're interested in aren't showing interest in you, maybe try being a little more
00:48:51.080 introverted and see if that kind of pulls those men who you are interested in towards you.
00:48:59.080 The other things you can do are just making yourself attractive and approachable. I always
00:49:04.880 am a big fan of, you know, putting on nice clothing, doing your hair a little bit, putting on a little
00:49:10.940 bit of makeup, whether that be mascara or more, and just trying to look your best and also trying to
00:49:18.980 seem like you are a friendly person that someone can approach, kind of giving men the opportunity
00:49:25.120 to come over and chat with you. So that's always important. The last thing is maybe the guys you're
00:49:32.820 attracted to aren't the right guys. Sometimes we are attracted to guys who are like fun but really
00:49:39.060 aren't good for us because the chemistry is there but the compatibility isn't. So evaluate that.
00:49:46.480 Evaluate if the guys that you are actually interested in are good for you and then you'll see maybe
00:49:53.880 that's the, maybe that's one of the factors here is that you, it's possible that you're attracted to
00:50:00.060 guys who aren't really the kinds of guys you should be ending up with. I've had that experience where
00:50:06.500 you kind of go through a phase where the guys that you are interested in are not really good for you.
00:50:10.200 So just examine that. That's my advice. And my last question here is what are your thoughts
00:50:18.820 on purity culture? So I did a little bit of research into purity culture and I'm not going
00:50:23.600 to say I'm an expert on it because I'm not. And here's where I come with that. So the idea of
00:50:31.980 waiting to have sex until marriage is incredibly important. I am a huge proponent of that. I talk
00:50:37.140 about it very openly. I think that giving sex the importance it deserves within the framework of
00:50:44.260 family and within the framework of marriage is really, really like the way to go. But when we
00:50:53.580 talk about purity culture, the issue I have is twofold. One is that there's such an emphasis
00:51:02.040 on virginity as if virginity in and of itself is important. Now, I don't care about virginity.
00:51:10.660 I don't care about the virgin idea like that. Who cares? Because what ends up happening, I've heard
00:51:20.020 is that for a lot of women, it's hard for them to break free of that narrative of like the purity
00:51:25.960 of being a virgin. And then when they get married and they're allowed to have sex, it's like, okay,
00:51:31.640 well, am I impure now? Is sex bad? Is sex gross? I am not a proponent of that framing. Sex is
00:51:42.800 wonderful within the right boundaries, with the right person, when you can start a family and when
00:51:49.800 you can grow an intimate relationship with the person you've made a lifelong commitment to.
00:51:55.280 Sex is great. And I never struggled with that feeling of like, oh, sex is bad. Sex is bad. Sex
00:52:03.320 is bad. And now I have to flick a switch and now say sex is good. I was always under the impression
00:52:08.180 that sex was great. It just wasn't for me before I got married. It wasn't for my life until I was with
00:52:15.620 my spouse. So I find that that's an issue is the idea that virginity is what matters. It's not what
00:52:25.300 matters. We're giving sex too much credence or rather virginity, too much credence. And it's not,
00:52:33.220 it's not about virginity. It's about viewing sex for what it's for. Sex is very important and sex is
00:52:41.600 beautiful, but it has a role. And if we understand its role, then it doesn't need to be about virginity
00:52:47.400 and purity. It needs, it's about the utility, the utility of sex and how amazing it can be
00:52:54.280 when it's treated with respect. And when I say utility, I don't mean from a utilitarian perspective.
00:53:00.180 I mean, it can be pleasure and, and wonder and just a really great way to bring a couple together,
00:53:07.680 but it also has a, an important role in reproduction. And, uh, that means that it needs
00:53:14.520 to be within a, an important framework for couples who are married and to bring couples together.
00:53:21.680 So I don't like the idea of the focus on virginity itself, holding virginity on a pedestal
00:53:29.200 rather than recognizing the beauty of sex and its importance within the bounds of marriage is what the
00:53:34.420 problem is. Now, the other problem I have with purity culture is the idea that
00:53:39.180 because it's about virginity, if somebody loses their virginity and has sex, then they can't come
00:53:48.200 back from it. They like are now stained. And I have an issue with that because once you realize what the
00:53:57.780 importance of sex is and how, what it's for, then you're on the right page, you've done all the
00:54:03.760 right things. You are moving forward and you can put sex in its rightful place. That's the important
00:54:11.720 thing. If the fact that you had sex before is now like a stain on you that you can't come back from,
00:54:21.100 that is a problem. So I don't think I'm a fan of purity culture because I think it kind of misses
00:54:28.240 the mark on what the point is of waiting to have sex until you're married. And I don't really like
00:54:36.480 the phrase. I don't know if I've used it before, but I'm thinking on it right now. I don't really
00:54:41.100 like the phrase saving yourself for marriage or rather, yeah, saving yourself for marriage as opposed
00:54:47.660 to saving sex for marriage because the virginity, it kind of gets up in that virginity area again,
00:54:55.900 where it's like, okay, you as virgin are holy. You as person who has had sex are not. And that is
00:55:02.600 incorrect. It's just that sex is really, really beautiful when you can share it with your husband
00:55:09.080 and using sex as something just for pleasure and hedonistic, whatever is much worse for everyone
00:55:19.640 involved. So that's my response to the idea of purity culture. But if you have any thoughts
00:55:27.440 and feelings on that, I'd love to hear them in the comments. And that is it for today's video.
00:55:32.960 And that is it for today's podcast. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Let me know what you think in
00:55:40.780 the comments on Substack or here on YouTube. If you aren't already subscribed, make sure to subscribe
00:55:46.700 on Apple podcasts so you can get notified of my new episodes as well as Spotify or anywhere else you
00:55:51.920 listen to podcasts. And I would love if you would consider sharing this with friends and family so that
00:55:56.040 they can hear it as well. And I'll see you guys in my next episode. Bye.
00:56:02.960 Bye.
00:56:32.960 Bye.
00:57:02.960 Bye.
00:57:32.960 Bye.
00:58:02.960 Bye.
00:58:32.960 Bye.
00:59:02.960 Bye.
00:59:32.960 Bye.
00:59:33.960 Bye.