The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - DAVID GBORIE HAS AN INSATIABLE THIRST Ft. David Gborie ｜ Episode 245

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00:01:28.100 hey everyone and welcome back to another episode of the comment section show sorry me your fave

00:01:32.900 everybody knows me who cares about me on to the guest today we have the iconic the legendary

00:01:38.460 the hilarious david borey welcome to the show thank you you're so welcome i'm so glad that

00:01:48.320 i dressed up to meet you where you're at i know i'm glad we were on the same wavelength today i

00:01:53.740 When I was at home, I was like, how am I going to upstage Donkey Kong?

00:01:58.460 Hey, y'all.

00:01:59.260 This episode is sponsored by Gymshark.

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00:02:54.780 at gymshark.com this is our final spooky season episode okay so i'm happy to have you here on

00:03:01.100 this very special episode i technically i save my biggest most obnoxious costume for this episode

00:03:06.760 is this obnoxious i mean i've been more obnoxious in the past but typically yes my last one is the

00:03:11.720 most obnoxious i don't think this is so you don't think so he's a family man that's true

00:03:15.940 he's a hard worker he's a hard worker yeah he put his team on yeah that's like a good guy to me

00:03:22.180 that's true he's someone who supports nepotism i support his nepotism is diddy related to him

00:03:26.760 i think so i'm not i'm unfamiliar with diddy kong did you not play the games just no i did

00:03:32.880 but i'm saying their family tree i'm not sure how they are in relation to each other oh you're more

00:03:37.760 of a classic donkey kong not donkey kong country i don't know why i'm talking so much about video 0.69

00:03:41.480 this sucks to start this but are you passionate about donkey kong not at all 0.78

00:03:45.200 i honestly i honestly told you everything i know what if i was like no yeah same i hate donkey kong 0.93

00:03:51.480 all right i do have to ask you though when you play mario you have you played mario kart

00:03:58.260 obviously when you play who do you pick uh i like chrome peach oh that's a good one yeah

00:04:04.860 I like Chrome Peach.

00:04:06.560 I like all Luigi variants.

00:04:09.420 Sometimes I like to be Waluigi because it's good to be bad.

00:04:12.400 It is.

00:04:12.940 We were just talking about that.

00:04:13.720 We were just talking about that off camera, how bad we are.

00:04:15.640 Yeah, how bad we are, how evil lives forever.

00:04:18.160 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:04:18.780 Yes, of course.

00:04:20.200 I'm more of a Toad girl myself.

00:04:22.200 Toad's fun.

00:04:22.880 Yeah, Toad's fun.

00:04:23.840 Toad's fun.

00:04:24.500 He's just kind of my guy.

00:04:25.440 I think he really locks in with me.

00:04:27.420 I feel like Toad, you're like, he came to party.

00:04:30.360 There's no ill will.

00:04:31.880 No.

00:04:32.440 Good vibes.

00:04:32.860 Yeah, yeah.

00:04:33.640 He just wants to hang out with everybody.

00:04:34.860 yeah he's got a really fun hat i love i love a good hat and i bet he smells good you think

00:04:40.400 i bet he smells top three in the mario verse yeah top three what number is he sitting at

00:04:46.960 i think three yeah i would i was gonna say two you don't want to know my other two i think who

00:04:51.540 i think number two is luigi okay t i feel like he's the man who could find himself a good scent

00:04:57.320 that's true and this is and he bathes yeah so if anything at at most he smells like soap which is 0.99

00:05:02.480 nice but then you're not gonna like number one no i think bowser's got that shit 0.99

00:05:08.220 yeah yeah you know what i think you're i think you're right he is cool he's got the studded 0.97

00:05:15.940 bracelet that's true he's always he's he's got like style yeah he's really showing out he's got 0.97

00:05:20.560 a real look to him and he's got daring style in a way where like maybe bowser's wearing some shit 0.83

00:05:25.460 you didn't expect right right he's really like ahead of the curve yeah maybe he's wearing you 0.96

00:05:31.000 know a woman's set and you're like oh i didn't even an androgynous bit that's what i'm saying

00:05:35.720 i think yeah yeah no honestly i think that's t i think that's fair yeah it definitely wasn't

00:05:40.560 gonna be mario no no no no no and he's a hard worker too he's just he worked all he plumbed

00:05:45.840 all day he's plumbing all day is he plumbed all day is that the past tense i know i'm wearing a

00:05:51.340 bike helmet low-key i like you i can get on a lime scooter right outside and be protected

00:05:56.460 do you lime scooter no i enjoy living

00:05:59.620 yeah i do not lime scooter do you lime scooter no i lime biked for a little bit but then i just

00:06:07.780 got a real bicycle oh nice you leveled up yeah is that i think so it's cheap getting a real bike

00:06:14.540 yeah it's cheaper than the limes it is after a while starts to add up yeah yeah and i was like

00:06:20.120 man i don't think i need this electronic assistance i think i could just ride a bike

00:06:24.100 you know what i mean probably it was i don't i don't like care to go so fast that do the lime

00:06:30.900 scooters or the bikes do they are they like automatic too they're like electric assisted

00:06:35.960 oh interesting some of them not all of them damn we've gotten so lazy we have strayed so far from

00:06:41.920 that's what worried me i was like oh man if i'm not even riding a bike for real i already don't

00:06:46.700 have a real job like it's gonna translate into other things right that's right you're i gotta

00:06:51.680 keep it i gotta stay sharp yeah yeah yeah i gotta keep my head on a swoop well speaking of made-up

00:06:57.020 jobs i also i also have a made-up job uh but i would love to know i've clearly as you can see

00:07:04.640 i joke all the time that i'm like you because i'm venturing into acting now like i've started

00:07:09.180 doing some reads i've started doing some auditions haven't booked anything yet no obviously because

00:07:13.780 i'm still here dressed like this well you could do both right some of the greatest actors of our

00:07:17.820 generation have dressed up like donkey kong i i would talk to me and i i've always said that

00:07:24.300 yeah i knew it i knew spiritually new donkey kong leads to success five years ago chalamet was in

00:07:29.280 that same in the same chair in the same studio i was wearing the same shirt and you said you're

00:07:36.100 gonna be something i said i think actually i missed it on him i said i don't see it little

00:07:41.420 guy you said you don't have it you were that one hater in that room yeah i was 99 lovers you were

00:07:49.840 the one yeah all right but i do want to know like obviously you have an amazing career in comedy i

00:07:56.320 would love to know how you got into comedy how did i get into yeah like i would love to i love

00:08:01.040 to hear comics like venture how they got into comedy sometimes it's an accident sometimes it

00:08:05.360 was bound, destined in the stars.

00:08:08.360 Oh no, it wasn't.

00:08:09.200 But I'm so curious.

00:08:10.040 It wasn't destined for,

00:08:12.120 it sucks because I, this is irresponsible.

00:08:14.540 I had a DUI. 0.71

00:08:16.160 Yeah, but I was really young because I'm older now.

00:08:19.460 I was like 22 or something like that.

00:08:21.640 And then I had to move away from where I was living.

00:08:24.680 So I moved from Denver or from Colorado to San Francisco.

00:08:28.860 And I was living in my mom's garage

00:08:31.140 and my best friend had been like,

00:08:32.340 you should try standup comedy.

00:08:34.600 And I went to go visit, I went to go watch him do stand-up. 1.00

00:08:38.460 I was like, this is fucking stupid. 1.00

00:08:39.920 I have a job, I'm not, I'm not doing this. 1.00

00:08:43.520 And then, yeah, what are you crazy?

00:08:45.620 And then I didn't, I didn't have anything going on. 0.96

00:08:47.800 And he was like, well, if you bomb, nobody will know.

00:08:50.880 You could just disappear into the city.

00:08:52.500 That's true.

00:08:53.340 So I went up and then I didn't, I didn't bomb. 1.00

00:08:55.160 And you didn't, you said fuck. 1.00

00:08:56.080 Not the first time. 1.00

00:08:57.540 Not the first time?

00:08:58.620 Yeah. 0.84

00:08:59.460 That's good.

00:09:00.280 First few times, but then I bombed and I wanted to cry.

00:09:02.780 It's like a bad feeling.

00:09:04.360 It is, it is.

00:09:05.320 It's worse than a breakup, that first one.

00:09:06.960 You think?

00:09:08.120 I, from every standup I've heard,

00:09:10.160 they've said like, you will bomb eventually

00:09:11.980 and it will leave an impact on you

00:09:13.640 that you will remember forever.

00:09:15.080 Yeah.

00:09:15.920 But it also is necessary to your development as a comic.

00:09:18.360 Yeah.

00:09:19.240 Yeah, now I bomb semi-regularly.

00:09:23.700 I got a bad one.

00:09:24.540 Now you're just calloused hands.

00:09:25.380 Yeah, I got a bad one not four nights ago.

00:09:27.380 So, you know, it happens now.

00:09:30.740 Yeah, it was a good. 0.73

00:09:31.960 Why'd you bomb the first time?

00:09:33.500 Do you remember the first time or just the other night?

00:09:35.760 No,

00:09:35.920 the first time I'd love to.

00:09:37.000 And then we can talk about the other night.

00:09:38.440 Oh,

00:09:38.720 I think I just thought I was very,

00:09:41.160 I thought I was really good.

00:09:42.440 So I was like,

00:09:43.000 all right,

00:09:44.000 five minutes.

00:09:44.640 Let me just write five more minutes.

00:09:46.500 That'll kill.

00:09:47.220 I'll quit my job in six months.

00:09:48.960 Yeah.

00:09:49.180 And the next five minutes was not as good as the first five minutes. 0.99

00:09:51.900 Damn. 0.99

00:09:52.580 Yeah. 1.00

00:09:52.820 So it's just the longest 10 of your life.

00:09:54.920 What?

00:09:55.320 It was just,

00:09:56.240 uh,

00:09:56.720 yeah,

00:09:57.160 it's just really hard.

00:09:58.060 Have you ever just talked to people and they don't like you?

00:10:00.480 but like it's like amplified and you're trying to live your dream a dream you just got a month

00:10:07.560 ago you're like yo i have had this dream since like 10 days ago that's how i felt so i was like

00:10:13.380 i found out 10 days ago i might be the best comedian in the world literally to ever live

00:10:19.760 yeah and then i bombed and i was like oh i probably should work i should probably work

00:10:24.640 on that a little bit yeah what did you do to work on it if you don't mind me asking

00:10:28.520 I just bombed a bunch more.

00:10:29.760 Yeah, yeah.

00:10:31.700 Just keep trial running.

00:10:32.760 Yeah, just sort of bombing everyone.

00:10:35.960 I have talked, I've had a very short-lived experience in stand-up

00:10:41.340 because I've loved stand-up forever.

00:10:43.880 Really?

00:10:44.480 Yeah, for so long.

00:10:45.920 And I've watched, I love stand-up specials.

00:10:48.460 I've watched comedy for so long.

00:10:50.060 And I love to laugh, and I love to make people laugh.

00:10:52.140 So obviously, when I started doing this,

00:10:54.380 a lot of my online friends, Caleb included,

00:10:56.880 included like you know encouraged me like i think you should try stand-up like which i will say i'm

00:11:02.760 proud of having this i was not so vain that i thought because i'm funny online oh i could

00:11:08.980 easily do stand-up which i do think happens a lot with that's so kind of you yeah oh yeah i was i

00:11:15.020 say this all the time it sucks stand-up because like every man thinks he can do it for sure like

00:11:22.500 in like not so much like when i interact with like fans and stuff but when i interact with just 0.62

00:11:26.460 like regular men in life yes there's always just like so you just go up a bunch and that's how you 0.98

00:11:33.520 got rich i'm like not only one of those things is true you know every dude it's like dudes are dumb

00:11:41.200 yeah yeah it's very it's like such a ego thing like it's like oh it for that i feel like for 0.66

00:11:47.860 like you said the average man they're always like you know if i just had the time yeah like if i

00:11:53.160 If they had the time, I could easily do that.

00:11:55.920 Yeah, that's exactly how they feel.

00:11:57.800 I think what they don't understand is it's like,

00:12:00.480 kind of the opposite of ego.

00:12:02.480 You have to humble yourself in front of hundreds

00:12:05.100 of strangers over and over.

00:12:08.040 It's like self-flagellation.

00:12:09.400 Yeah, it really is.

00:12:10.740 It's masochistic in a lot of ways.

00:12:12.640 You're gonna have to approach humbly

00:12:14.240 in order to survive it.

00:12:15.320 Yeah, we're not healthy.

00:12:17.840 No.

00:12:19.120 I tried to like, try to find, but nah.

00:12:21.440 Nah, yeah.

00:12:23.160 No, every comic I've talked to is like, yeah, like yourself, that is so talented and so good.

00:12:28.880 They're all like, yeah, no, it's awful and humiliating sometimes. 1.00

00:12:32.340 It's really, because like sometimes, especially if you're bombing, then you can hear yourself in the microphone and you just hear what you're saying and you're like, fuck. 0.99

00:12:43.680 I have like people who love me and I'm out here like talking about like a weird dick I saw or something. 0.99

00:12:49.640 Like, you know what I mean? 0.84

00:12:50.660 it's just like it's so it's really self-reflective almost in the moment yeah you start bombing yeah

00:12:56.560 i can't wait to get rich and figure out something better to do with your time i would like to keep

00:13:03.000 it just like golf and i do it for fun right right it's like just a nice little hobby yeah you partake

00:13:07.940 in every now and then yeah but like my wife is like why are you going to arizona you stand up

00:13:12.440 for the weekend with your friends that's like a good i'm still trying to make it honey yeah

00:13:16.480 was there any particular show or like set that you did where you were like

00:13:23.140 really like actually i think i love this i think i want to keep trying this

00:13:26.880 oh the first one the first one i thought that way oh that's so nice though yeah i was pretty i was

00:13:32.120 like that's like 23 i think and i was like i had had a i had been kind of outside being wild so it

00:13:39.140 felt like when i did it i was like oh this is that thing i was looking for you know i felt like

00:13:44.500 Which you were searching for.

00:13:45.640 I guess so.

00:13:46.280 I felt like really relieved. 0.99

00:13:47.660 And then it took me so long to find out how fucked up maybe that was. 0.97

00:13:52.000 Then I had to unpack something else. 0.98

00:13:54.140 Yeah.

00:13:54.480 But that didn't come to later.

00:13:56.000 Yeah.

00:13:56.520 So I had like 10 years.

00:13:57.700 So it was nice.

00:13:58.120 So you had like a nice awesome time before that.

00:14:00.000 Yeah.

00:14:00.200 And then COVID hit.

00:14:01.060 And then I had to be like, why am I seeking so much validation from strangers?

00:14:05.060 The classic.

00:14:06.200 Yeah.

00:14:06.760 COVID.

00:14:07.200 I was just talking about COVID this morning with one of my friends.

00:14:10.000 Like how that time was so.

00:14:12.040 Was it Diddy Kong?

00:14:12.820 I'm sorry.

00:14:13.180 Was it Diddy Kong? 0.97

00:14:13.940 you're still dressed up like no it was peach because you know that diddy kong is one of the 0.97

00:14:17.620 kongs or does it sound like i'm just saying diddy shit no no no i i do know diddy kong he wears a 0.90

00:14:22.380 wall cap okay i thought you thought i was making like a weird no that's that is my brother of 0.97

00:14:26.360 course i know oh of course i know i can't tell if we're inside or outside the talking groups

00:14:30.440 that's the best we got to stay on our toes okay yeah i'm keeping your saw sharp you know what i

00:14:34.260 mean yeah yeah iron sharpens iron i like you i like it a lot that's why i said no it was peach

00:14:39.580 when i kidnapped her for the 2011th time yeah i was talking about it with her maybe just get a

00:14:44.440 new crush like she doesn't like you yeah and sometimes i think i'm i also think too to some

00:14:49.860 extent like maybe he's doing it for mario at that point like maybe maybe it gives mario purpose to

00:14:56.220 go and get her oh i thought you meant that he was doing it for the attention of mario but he didn't

00:15:01.260 i mean that could also be true i can't speak to his sexuality i'm not sure right i don't want to

00:15:05.860 speak on something i don't know yeah there's definitely some kind of misplaced because to be

00:15:10.620 in that loop of like kidnap and save for years and years it's like some we're not communicating

00:15:17.180 yeah we're we're missing each other on something how many times do you have to take a potential

00:15:22.300 lover up to a tower right before it's like maybe she doesn't right or what if peach is telling

00:15:28.400 donkey kong like hey you should come and get me like maybe she's getting maybe he's getting mixed 0.68

00:15:32.960 signals maybe every time she fights with mario she's like hey i'm gonna go to donkey kong

00:15:37.800 see ya that's like a special yeah he's like she doesn't even say that she just says he did it

00:15:42.560 again yeah yeah yeah maybe she's maybe she's playing both of them i like the donkey is maybe

00:15:48.560 a better guy than in this that's that's what i'm i'm saying i'm saying maybe there is some

00:15:53.200 unspoken lore that we're not we're not privy to but i don't know yeah i'm not here to tell i can't

00:15:58.420 i can't speak i know there's a bunch of mario lovers that are gonna get in the comments and

00:16:02.740 be like actually when it comes to donkey con i really hate when i tell a joke and they try to 0.77

00:16:06.960 correct me factually about shit like that yeah if i really hate the facts i wouldn't be telling 0.75

00:16:11.380 these jokes i'd have a fact job like what are you talking about i'm on the internet it's new 0.99

00:16:18.960 what the fuck is this actually i'm clearly an idiot the amount of times i i told this story 0.98

00:16:26.820 once on a podcast and it got clipped so it did well on tiktok but it was like the the premise 0.99

00:16:32.220 of the story is when i was serving in a restaurant uh for the first time ever first and last time

00:16:37.220 ever um when i got fired i basically got replaced by this guy because my manager was mad that i

00:16:43.980 didn't want to stay through christmas and i was like why would i do that ever like that's crazy

00:16:48.700 oh so it wasn't like a job you needed no it was what i was doing for like money in college so i

00:16:53.040 was working part-time but but they knew he knew i was part-time so i was like well obviously he's

00:16:57.820 like if you want to move up in the restaurant industry who said I wanted to do any of that

00:17:01.300 look at me yeah I'm not supposed to be in the restaurant you were dressed like that yeah I was

00:17:05.420 like oh when I wear this is inappropriate for work he's like you have to stop breaking barrels 0.99

00:17:13.840 on the job how many times did I tell you the Donkey Kong shit can't you can't wear that on 0.98

00:17:17.620 the floor no seriously I was like this is a Ben again yeah I was like I need to keep going and 0.99

00:17:22.000 finding a job where they let me dress as Donkey Kong that's fair and you did that and I had to 0.95

00:17:25.500 make it up you did that shit but basically the premise of the story was that I trained my 0.98

00:17:30.400 replacement but I didn't know I was training my replacement at the time but he kept leaving in 0.99

00:17:34.360 the middle of the shift to go smoke meth in the bathroom and I only know that in the bathroom

00:17:38.800 parking lot no and it was a single stall restroom on top of that so like I I remember one time when

00:17:46.840 he left I followed him to the restroom because I was gonna bang on the door and say get out

00:17:50.140 because it's a single stall and I'm like I need your help and then when he was in there I could

00:17:53.920 hear the and i said made this joke too i said sound like a little wayne song in there yeah

00:17:58.860 right and then i meth has a smell right so i knew i was like well that's how i know you've

00:18:03.680 been outside not to everybody listen i i know that as well but that's not that's not something

00:18:10.180 everybody knows yeah not everybody can and it has a very specific smell yeah yes yeah so

00:18:15.240 i'm with you i'm with you you see me don't listen to my what my hat says yeah you see me i see you

00:18:23.900 and so i when i told this story i like you know we laughed about it whatever uh because the next

00:18:30.280 day he got fired for leaving in the middle of the shift not to smoke meth but to go make himself a

00:18:34.160 dessert and then he was just eating it somewhere so that was kind of good that he's eating if he's

00:18:38.060 on all that man well see that's what that's when people started getting annoying because when i

00:18:41.640 told the story it was it killed right and then everyone in the comments is like not to be that

00:18:47.280 guy but like when you smoke meth you're really not hungry so it's probably weed i know what weed

00:18:52.860 smells like and you don't know what meth smells like also smoking weed inside of the bathroom 0.99

00:18:57.320 is insane yeah like that's such a that's like a much stupider person like you smoke a meth inside 0.97

00:19:05.960 because he knows he could probably get away with it right right which he did yes he did yeah yes 0.98

00:19:10.840 yeah that's like okay right and so then and then i had people in there going actually i smoked meth

00:19:17.520 for years and i was starving when i was on it so it doesn't affect everyone the same

00:19:20.980 did you it's almost like some people need to eat sometimes yeah i was like did you guys laugh at

00:19:24.760 the joke did you think it was funny i think that the people who laugh they don't say anything

00:19:29.800 that's true they just give it a like when i laugh it's i don't even do that i'm sometimes i'm toxic

00:19:35.140 i'll say it i don't contribute to internet culture in the way i should as someone who

00:19:41.100 tries to make his money there but uh if i see something funny i just am like and then i

00:19:46.420 yeah sometimes i do that too yeah but i don't what do i gotta say

00:19:50.080 i don't have anything to add even if i see something i don't like i don't 0.87

00:19:55.240 no same say anything i know same i know these fucking people that's so new right and it's like 0.90

00:20:01.080 i am the maker of my own prison in that so like i don't have to engage in this if i don't like it 0.92

00:20:06.680 right but if i engage in something i don't like then chances are i'll probably see it again

00:20:10.720 yeah something similar to it yeah but maybe maybe it's not as literal for everybody i don't i don't 0.95

00:20:16.820 really know i think it's young people shit because i i talk about that i think it's young people 0.98

00:20:21.400 shit because young people nowadays they just move very differently on the internet that's true but 0.99

00:20:26.940 i feel like i see a lot of old guys coming to me saying what just like it's fucking lame two grown 1.00

00:20:35.100 ass man talking about whatever dumb shit me and my friends are talking you know what I mean 0.99

00:20:39.220 or just like I would never I can't and I'm like ah oh my god I'm the lame one yeah 1.00

00:20:46.400 they're taking some time out of their day to write a hate comment but you're the lame one you got me

00:20:52.160 it's your job but they're like do you ever get um maybe I was being lame though that's true too 0.94

00:20:57.080 you think nobody's does it's not all strikes that's true balls which one it's not all home

00:21:03.420 runs i guess if i'm am i the hitter the pitcher in this analogy it's up to you brother you're

00:21:08.580 the one who brought it up it's not all strikes okay let's go with that i'll take that cut that

00:21:12.480 start there cut that loop it double it uh yeah sometimes you just have so many conversations

00:21:19.240 sometimes some of them are corny and lame i don't know i think who has 100 cool conversations

00:21:25.160 probably donkey kong that's because he doesn't talk yeah he knows when to you don't ever think

00:21:32.760 like you don't ever think like okay the night that he takes her up to the and i don't know if 0.80

00:21:38.380 i'm saying this right the night that he kidnaps her and takes her up to the tower you don't think

00:21:43.300 for a minute before they go to bed he's like i just missed you so much and i'm just i mean i

00:21:48.400 know tomorrow we're gonna whatever do this again i'm so thankful that you're and she's just like

00:21:52.980 she doesn't even like him really

00:21:58.080 there because he has cable right i'm like what were we talking about i don't know meth in the

00:22:07.460 bathroom in the bathroom they didn't like it yeah you know what i well that's why i think sometimes

00:22:11.940 and that was going to lead me to my next question actually i'm curious if you ever get this is my

00:22:15.660 favorite question to ask comics if you ever get notes either after you perform live or maybe it's

00:22:22.800 something you post online like whether it's from your own stand-up or from your podcast or anything

00:22:27.220 like that like whenever you tell jokes do you ever have people being like you know what you should

00:22:31.400 really like i think you should do this or i think you should do that like tags on your jokes yeah

00:22:35.680 man all the time all the time uh comics do it not as much like the longer you've done it yeah they

00:22:42.960 kind of stay back but yeah all the time i don't listen because then it's a joke you wrote right

00:22:49.880 right then it's not you're all i'm actually not taking any notes of this time thank you though

00:22:53.900 but sometimes like if you sometimes for tv if you do tv you have to like write out the last for the

00:22:59.520 entire set yeah and then it's just like when you hear yourself in the thing you're like writing 0.99

00:23:04.140 around all the words you know it's a dumb as shit yeah i sound dumb as hell what am i talking about 0.99

00:23:09.500 yeah you know when i when caleb was helping me craft a set once like a five minute set he told 0.99

00:23:15.680 me too sometimes it helps to just write it exactly how you would say it including like

00:23:20.180 any filler words or anything sometimes it helps to clean it up backwards that way don't listen 0.98

00:23:24.260 to caleb he's a natural i don't fuck him yeah for real you mean you thought about it exactly 0.98

00:23:30.580 and it worked okay you're the one guy must be nice because he's really funny it must be nice 0.99

00:23:37.260 to be caleb we're not all on the caleb scale some of us have to live out here

00:23:42.160 i love him too there were literally some jokes that because i had written down a bunch of like

00:23:50.600 thought starters for jokes that i had and i was like telling him just the premise like how i would

00:23:56.520 set it up that kind of thing and some of them i told him and he was like oh my god yeah he thinks 0.85

00:24:03.480 i'm the most unfunny bitch on the planet oh my god scratch that i'll scratch that out and then 0.99

00:24:07.040 sometimes i would tell one he'd be like that's funny so that's how i knew he really fucking 0.99

00:24:10.920 hated other ones yeah i appreciate about him i appreciate his candor to be fair though some of

00:24:15.860 the sometimes like you're gonna do that to a whole room and they're gonna yeah do that i don't know

00:24:21.180 if i'm advocating for stand-up or not but sometimes you know you say to i it happens all the time i'll

00:24:26.720 say something and i'll see somebody i'll be like oh you hate this you hate this thing that i'm 0.94

00:24:32.740 saying right now really hate this shit the last set i did there was two guys in the crowd that i 0.99

00:24:39.180 could just i just so happened to be able to see because there was one light shining on both of 0.99

00:24:43.920 them right arms crossed not laughing the entire fucking time and you always will go back to that 0.91

00:24:49.100 you could be because realistically you could be making 99 of the room yeah laugh but it's always 0.99

00:24:54.480 that one person yeah i just keep seeing their their ugly little face in the crowd yeah they

00:24:59.060 were two older white guys so that's my target that's pretty good that's what i i agree because 0.95

00:25:03.440 sometimes i'll do that and then it'll be somebody like when i bombed the other day it was it was

00:25:09.080 this this uh this older white lady who i could just tell we're not on the same page with a lot

00:25:15.300 of what i was saying right and i was watching i was like oh you hate this but that's because i'm 0.93

00:25:18.920 going at your neck right now and that i'm okay with yeah yeah but then i did too much and then 0.99

00:25:25.680 at one point i was like i rebuke you white women and everybody's like what the fuck is this 0.99

00:25:29.640 so you could go you could go too far with that yeah and sometimes those are big swings you know 0.99

00:25:34.700 and then sometimes they kill and then sometimes they don't and i it's funny you say that because

00:25:39.300 they were both white guys too and i was leaning into the white people bit a little bit only because

00:25:45.520 it's hard not to yeah there's such layups like honestly we have so little you know what i mean 0.95

00:25:51.640 we ask for so little like give us this one fucking thing and like once you get on a roll you're like 0.75

00:25:57.120 oh i'm not in the house i need to i need to yeah i gotta let's like let me steer back to the material 0.96

00:26:03.300 yeah i know what i hate about performative liberalism and then you're like what the 0.83

00:26:06.900 fuck is this and that reminds me i know i just get on my soapbox after that that's easy to do 0.97

00:26:12.420 too though people do that a lot right and well even when i was making those jokes i i had asked 0.99

00:26:17.600 the one closer to me was like younger a younger white guy and i asked him because he was with a

00:26:22.640 white girl i was like are you guys did you guys come together are you guys a couple and then he

00:26:26.520 was like no this is my sister like pissed off at me i hate when they do that yeah because you know

00:26:31.840 what you all do kind of look that's what i said that was my joke it's funny you say that because 0.57

00:26:37.620 i literally went well you guys do be doing that sometimes and that killed that killed like half

00:26:43.640 the room but then the other the other half was like it's also like man i don't know people hook

00:26:48.860 up with people who look like them that's true that's true it's funny you say that too because

00:26:54.560 i this is a running joke on my show but like i have what i call an itis with white people 0.69

00:26:59.920 and and i mean this very sincerely you eat too many and you have to take a nap

00:27:04.160 i don't know if i have been there before 0.53

00:27:09.860 i don't know if that was for you or donkey kong but i felt like either way the bit i think we

00:27:16.040 both feel the same good yeah that's true i can't tell where one begins in the other end at this 0.87

00:27:20.900 point no for like i'm dead i'm dead ass i'm dead ass about about my itis i sometimes especially 0.84

00:27:27.720 with famous white people i sometimes cannot tell the difference between them i cannot and i mean 0.94

00:27:33.440 that very literally like i thought um oh my god the names are tripping me up again i know i know

00:27:39.980 who paul mescal is now i know paul mescal you know paul mescal if i showed you a picture of me you

00:27:44.920 probably know you're getting nervous yeah yeah because i don't want to lie don't lie don't lie 0.59

00:27:50.120 that's why i just like that's why don't lie to donkey kong that's not cool that's what i'm saying 0.76

00:27:53.580 that's why i just well no okay so basically it was him and two other white guys like logan i think 0.77

00:27:59.260 one of them's name is logan lerman the other one's name is dylan minette these names mean nothing to

00:28:04.120 you and that's okay because i thought they were all one guy yeah and i thought that in this industry

00:28:11.760 like i was working already in this and i i the first year i worked the oscars they told me oh

00:28:18.120 yeah like i was doing carpet stuff for them they were like yeah we sent out your information to

00:28:22.640 like all talent that's coming and like we had quite a few like people respond and like you

00:28:26.820 know paul mescal loves tiktok and he was like really excited to talk to you and i was like

00:28:30.400 pedro pascal and then they go no paul mescal and then i went what the hell and i literally and he

00:28:36.640 was up for an oscar that year but i was just like okay and then when i got home i was like who is

00:28:41.680 that to someone else and i thought he and those other two guys were all the same guy i get it man

00:28:48.780 i don't know it's just i live in la you kind of just got to be like oh hey yeah

00:28:52.700 and just like if you're saying you know me i know you and we can just be at this party and

00:28:59.560 it's all relative yeah i would say i mean they they get us confused all the time and that's why

00:29:04.660 i don't feel bad about it and it's like sincere it's not something i'm trying to do but it's just

00:29:09.580 like sometimes when people tell me these names of all these white people i'm like i just can't even

00:29:14.580 I just can't

00:29:16.340 And like you said

00:29:16.900 It goes the other way

00:29:17.680 I don't think you're being nuts

00:29:18.740 No

00:29:19.340 It's just like

00:29:20.160 It's a quote

00:29:21.100 I have like an in-house quota

00:29:22.860 Of how many I can know

00:29:24.820 Everybody thinks I'm Chappelle Lacey

00:29:26.420 So I get it

00:29:27.200 That happens

00:29:29.700 And everyone thinks I'm The Rock

00:29:31.440 So it's all relative

00:29:32.260 See

00:29:32.560 It's all the same

00:29:33.720 I did think this was press for Moana

00:29:35.580 The new one

00:29:36.440 And that's cool

00:29:37.400 Right

00:29:37.780 That's cool

00:29:38.380 But

00:29:38.740 And it's funny you say that

00:29:40.080 Because I did do press for Moana 0.63

00:29:41.500 Okay

00:29:42.160 There we go

00:29:42.760 And I interviewed The Rock

00:29:43.700 You're welcome

00:29:44.500 Does he sing that song in the-

00:29:47.840 Yes he does.

00:29:48.660 In the second one?

00:29:49.500 That was good. In both of them, honestly.

00:29:51.140 Well, no, the first one and the live action.

00:29:53.020 I didn't, I have a tough time.

00:29:55.860 Keeping up with like movies and stuff or just Disney?

00:29:57.620 No, I just, there's not too many

00:29:59.260 of the live action ones I'll watch.

00:30:00.680 I liked the live action in Lilo and Stitch,

00:30:03.060 but people got mad at me for saying that.

00:30:07.820 I mean like seven guys on Reddit, I don't know.

00:30:11.020 That's my world.

00:30:12.080 This episode is sponsored by GU.

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00:32:27.280 show sent you mama. Okay. Y'all I've decided that one of the best parts about being an adult is 0.63

00:32:33.820 that I can decide what counts as an accomplishment.

00:32:37.420 Because obviously there are big wins,

00:32:39.280 but sometimes I'm genuinely more proud of myself

00:32:41.960 for doing the tiny thing I've been avoiding

00:32:43.760 for absolutely no reason at all.

00:32:45.520 Like unpacking my suitcase when I get home from a trip

00:32:47.640 instead of letting it sit there for four business days,

00:32:50.680 that deserves a Coca-Cola.

00:32:52.180 And there's something about cracking open

00:32:53.840 an ice cold, perfectly fizzy Coca-Cola

00:32:56.560 after finally doing the thing that just hits.

00:32:59.380 It's crisp, refreshing, and feels like my own little reward.

00:33:03.000 So this is me officially giving you permission

00:33:05.640 to celebrate the small stuff.

00:33:07.300 You folded the laundry,

00:33:08.580 you made the appointment you've been putting off,

00:33:10.640 you finally did the annoying little task

00:33:13.020 that has been haunting your to-do list all week.

00:33:15.720 Congratulations, babe, enjoy your win!

00:33:18.840 Actually, I just finished another podcast shoot day,

00:33:22.260 so I think that counts too.

00:33:24.840 Okay, enjoy Coca-Cola.

00:33:27.760 This episode is presented

00:33:29.240 by Planned Parenthood Federation of America.

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00:34:04.900 They hate me on Reddit.

00:34:06.420 Really?

00:34:06.900 Yeah, that's probably good. 1.00

00:34:07.960 They have wanted posters of my face on that shit. 1.00

00:34:10.100 That's probably for the best. 1.00

00:34:11.840 I would say.

00:34:12.500 Would you rather be loved on Reddit?

00:34:13.700 No.

00:34:13.820 You don't want to be like the Reddit champ.

00:34:15.420 I don't know.

00:34:15.920 I don't think so.

00:34:16.880 I mean, like, I used Reddit for like what I thought its intentions and purposes were, which is like.

00:34:22.520 Weird medical stuff?

00:34:23.420 yeah or when you're like cars acting up and you have a very specific car but you want to fix it

00:34:28.100 at home or like your ps5 is acting weird and you like really want to reset it or something yeah

00:34:32.620 it's that kind of shit similar with youtube university yes yeah it's like pretty that's

00:34:37.080 what i think it should should have been for really in its pure intention yeah now it's turned into 0.96

00:34:42.640 just like an evil cesspool in a lot of ways and i go on there to look up stuff and then i just 0.58

00:34:49.120 i end up getting nasty not nasty but just like weird shit where now i'm like on reddits where 0.76

00:34:56.200 i'm like i don't even really know what is girl dinner diaries or what girl dinner diaries is 0.94

00:35:03.260 that like in reference to like girl dinner the trend uh yeah they take pictures of the food but

00:35:08.600 then they just kind of say a problem i love reading people's problems oh why is that do you

00:35:13.220 think it's nice to not feel so alone in your problems or just generally just being unhappy 0.92

00:35:19.440 problem it's nice to judge it's nice to be like damn thank god that didn't happen to me

00:35:23.680 sometimes it's nice like to align my problems with worse ones yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and

00:35:30.520 that in reddit's full of people who have problems you've never even thought about that's true i'm 0.97

00:35:35.160 not gonna fall in love with an ai chat bot that shit is crazy to me it's really i'm so glad i'm 0.59

00:35:43.080 we're both out the game i'm so glad that like i don't think i would be susceptible to that now 0.98

00:35:49.520 right okay okay i think if i was really young or really older than i am i think they might

00:35:58.700 you think if i was like 12 you think though because even when i was like 12 for example

00:36:06.020 like i saw this guy make a tiktok recently and he was like sometimes people ask me how did you

00:36:10.880 deconstruct religion and i never i never nobody asked him that he said sometimes people i know 0.97

00:36:17.820 people like hey and like his joke was literally that he was like i never constructed that shit 0.84

00:36:22.140 in the first place i couldn't even like i was too curious even when i was young and like learning 0.87

00:36:26.140 about religion and i was like that too like genuinely i was like well who's to say that's

00:36:30.920 true you know about me on religion on christianity i remember asking i was like what about all the

00:36:35.920 native americans and i couldn't get a satisfactory answer because like they were here and never knew

00:36:42.920 the gospel right and like lived in any in any way shape or form like lived and died 0.52

00:36:48.140 they're gonna go to hell right right right right right well and then their answer is yes yeah so

00:36:53.760 never mind i guess people ask me how i just constructed yeah you just proved yourself wrong

00:36:59.740 in real time that's how i feel about the chatbot stuff i feel like even at a young age i'd be like

00:37:04.780 this is a robot yeah this is not a real person but that stuff is crazy lonely i mean like lonely

00:37:11.560 in that you don't see you or you seem uh you seem maybe outgoing more than the people who are getting

00:37:17.920 caught yeah maybe you know what i mean as i'm sitting here wearing this yeah maybe maybe i have

00:37:23.880 a lot of friends yeah maybe i don't care what people think about me but i think and maybe you

00:37:28.840 can agree with this too i think a lot of times too you can't care what people think about you

00:37:32.720 if you're gonna do this you have to figure out how to make whatever piece with it you're going

00:37:37.080 to yeah i just delete instagram four times a week do you really you're just like caleb in that i took 0.98

00:37:43.380 that shit off my phone in the green room just now not too long ago no because i wanted to lock in 0.99

00:37:48.580 with you i appreciate that david i appreciate that oh caleb does do shit yeah he does that all the 1.00

00:37:54.360 fucking yes he still has that shit and i told him and i said it every day i love you a little less 1.00

00:37:58.960 when I have to text you on that shit. 1.00

00:38:00.160 I hate it. 1.00

00:38:01.040 I would be lying if I said

00:38:02.160 I didn't think it was cool.

00:38:03.700 In a world,

00:38:04.920 I'd like to think I'm less,

00:38:07.280 I'd like to think like

00:38:08.300 the me in my head is like,

00:38:10.380 oh, I'm so romantic.

00:38:12.280 I don't need any of these things.

00:38:13.520 But really, 0.99

00:38:13.960 if I don't have a smartphone and shit. 0.99

00:38:21.520 Support comes from Wise, 0.99

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00:38:58.720 what am i gonna be doing me too after a while i you know when that really appears to me

00:39:05.380 is when i have to like update my phone or something um or it's like out of commission

00:39:10.340 for like 30 minutes or so around that time is when i'm like what the fuck am i supposed to do 0.94

00:39:16.160 just sit here yeah my thoughts i am lucky though i i let my shit run a lot so like my 0.97

00:39:22.060 my thoughts so I can kind of sometimes I just started driving recently but I just be driving 0.93

00:39:26.860 with no music sometimes I used to do that I think now I've learned is nuts like it's not I used to

00:39:33.460 work for the NFL back in the day whoa yeah the in general or a certain for the shield I used to work

00:39:38.940 for the the corporate like the brand is that what they call it the shield the shield you work at 0.97

00:39:43.480 HQ yeah that's pretty cool I know I didn't know that yeah that's true I know such a douchebag

00:39:50.820 thing to say the shield but that is what they say to distinguish between like because there's like

00:39:55.020 a corporate office too which is like that's more like back office stuff and then it's like but if

00:40:01.120 you're working for like the league and you do like anything for them whether it's on broadcast or

00:40:05.480 social or anything you say the shield okay and then if you work for a team you work for like

00:40:09.580 the clubs that's what they call them clubs yeah very like european of them yeah for real fancy

00:40:15.500 schmancy so when I worked when I used to work for the NFL I lived really far uh like because I

00:40:20.620 worked in Culver City at the time but I lived in Lake Elsinore so I would literally drive yeah I

00:40:25.560 drove I would drive two and a half hours one way uh just to go to work and then I would drive two

00:40:30.800 and a half hours home and the crazy part about that so I was driving to Vegas like every six

00:40:34.980 days a week because they work on Saturdays and Sundays of course they do um and so I work I would

00:40:40.160 work all day Sunday and I would drive home it got to the point where I felt like I listened to every

00:40:44.340 song that ever existed so then i would just drive in silence yeah so i get it like so i would just

00:40:49.800 drive in complete silence because podcasts is just like people talking yeah and i do it after a while

00:40:54.640 i'm like all right i mean please listen to all my podcasts yes mine as well please thank you very

00:41:00.740 much but like after a while like you hit the wall sometimes and you're like it's true just hear what

00:41:06.560 i think yeah and it's not always great no and no it's not i'll be honest sometimes it's bad no 0.66

00:41:12.180 sometimes i listen to my own thoughts so much that i'm like damn i'm kind of annoying have you

00:41:16.100 ever referenced something you thought to yourself to someone else yes of course to my husband all 0.87

00:41:22.100 the time i was literally gonna say to my wife i'll be like i was talking to somebody the other

00:41:26.520 day and i'll be like that was you that was you were just talking to you like you know i'm saying

00:41:32.620 like i was yeah i was in the car like oh i think we should get pork more than or whatever dumb

00:41:38.660 should I have to say when she's tired after a day of work no literally say my I like was one time

00:41:43.900 my husband I woke him up because he was still sleeping but I was up and I was I was up and I

00:41:48.820 was on my phone and I saw something that pissed me off and I wanted to rant about it but obviously

00:41:53.620 he was asleep so I woke him up and I was like can I tell you about something can you give me a time

00:41:57.760 frame on this this was it was about seven in the morning literally like say it was probably like

00:42:02.100 I got up at 6 30 what time does he get up he gets up around the same time as me typically but this

00:42:07.120 morning I just woke up a little bit earlier than him and then he again like maybe 20 minutes passed

00:42:12.100 and I was like okay get up I have something to say and I need an audience so then I woke him up

00:42:17.220 and then I was like can I tell you something and I don't remember what I saw that pissed me off but

00:42:20.740 I do remember it was about Beyonce so I was like defending her and I was literally I was like going

00:42:25.900 off about this and I was like do you know what I'm saying like I talked uninterrupted for probably

00:42:30.840 about 15 minutes and then he was just he was like still blinking at me listening to me and then as

00:42:36.340 soon as i finished talking i was like are you okay because he didn't say anything and he goes

00:42:39.920 yeah i just like i cannot believe how many words you have right now i can't believe it i get that

00:42:46.140 yeah and i was like right but what do you think about what i said yeah where was he at it was

00:42:52.860 he agreed with me oh he agreed with me okay of course he did it's better to be right that early

00:42:57.300 i would say that's why i saw i sent him a meme the other day i saw that was literally it said

00:43:02.000 Like, I will never be his peace.

00:43:04.560 I got a question for you at 7 a.m. sharp. 0.98

00:43:09.760 Peace, you know, is when you're dead. 0.90

00:43:11.780 Yeah.

00:43:12.460 It's so interesting.

00:43:13.340 The husband and wife thing, waking up is such a weird.

00:43:17.040 Going to sleep is, like, really straightforward.

00:43:19.240 Yeah.

00:43:19.480 Waking up is kind of, like, it's weird to have protocols.

00:43:22.000 Like, sometimes I'll get up to go pee and I'll come back to bed.

00:43:24.840 Yeah. 0.99

00:43:25.160 And then my wife will treat it like I'm up.

00:43:26.760 And I'm like, no.

00:43:29.820 No, no, no.

00:43:30.540 No, no, no, no, no.

00:43:31.240 like she'll be like how do you how did you sleep and it's like no now's not the time no i'm still

00:43:37.080 sleeping count this as sleep we're in the i'm talking to you right my eyes are open but i don't 0.99

00:43:42.980 that's not now that's my husband as fuck like sometimes because sometimes i'll be like oh so 0.98

00:43:48.720 you're awake oh perfect if he moves even a little bit i'm like oh my god yay you're up okay perfect 0.98

00:43:56.160 i have about 20 things i have to tell you about they're all beyonce yeah and they're and they're

00:44:00.840 all beyonce related or they're things i need i i would like him to finish around the house

00:44:04.480 tasks oh man oh i love a good task we don't have a huge house i have a two-story house but

00:44:09.560 that's a big house yeah you think yeah all right well i believe you what do you want me

00:44:13.900 that felt like weird i honestly if i'm being real i can i can't hear that well in this so i i feel

00:44:22.100 like i'm like huh oh i bet not i really like your commitment to the bit but there's no ear holes no

00:44:27.420 there's no ear holes at all it's giving no ear mama yeah that's crazy sometimes i feel like when

00:44:32.020 i have stuff on my head and i'm recording i feel like it's sucking all of the brain cells out of

00:44:36.480 my brain actively really i don't know why maybe it's getting hot in there how often are you

00:44:40.940 recording with your head covered well during the month of october a lot okay yeah i got a lot of

00:44:46.400 stuff on my head during the month of october does this come out halloween uh no it comes out yeah

00:44:51.740 it comes out next wednesday okay a week before halloween or the yes a couple days before halloween

00:44:58.220 what are you gonna do for halloween yeah honestly my street is having like a little block party

00:45:03.900 oh that's amazing no and there's and they were like they were having like a taco truck and stuff

00:45:08.460 and in the previous homes i've lived in with my husband like i would always buy candy because i

00:45:14.200 lived like near schools and i was like oh my god there's gonna be a ton of kids i want to be the

00:45:17.720 house with like big candy bars yeah and the last like few halloweens no i got not one trick-or-treater

00:45:23.160 not one i i know it that me and my wife got pump fake like that too really yeah we lived we we had

00:45:29.520 been living separate and then we moved together and we got this cool like a house and like a

00:45:34.560 neighborhood that we knew had a bunch of kids and it was like it was like a well lit it was a nice

00:45:39.340 block yeah big house so we were like for sure yeah yeah see and that's why this year because i saw

00:45:47.040 that they're having the block party and i do see a lot of kids outside like playing and they're

00:45:50.900 younger kids they're not like high school kids not too yeah high school kid high school halloween

00:45:55.860 is a different yeah that's a different energy gives me the the spooks i'll be honest yeah

00:46:00.460 because you know they're up to no good yeah yeah yeah and i i'm like i don't know good for them

00:46:04.840 but i don't want to aid in it you know i've grown past that yeah yeah i'm past that time in my life

00:46:10.700 i became a man and i put away childish things and i put on the donkey kong hat i put on a

00:46:16.720 and i put on an axe yes and i said i will egg houses no more my husband used to egg houses

00:46:22.940 too back in the day i think he kind of had to yeah he he used to tell he's like i made some

00:46:26.940 of my best memories doing stuff like that i'm like did you i mean you know what where's he

00:46:32.420 from where's he from here in california he's it was like corona inland empire area okay yeah

00:46:38.160 that's where we went to high school together out there so so we were in high school at the same

00:46:42.280 time as each other but a couple ie babies yes okay we are are you born and raised in california

00:46:47.200 no not at all where are you from i don't know i'm just surprised you know i'm just surprised

00:46:51.460 you knew the ie because a lot of people don't know my wife was born in pomona oh nice yeah

00:46:55.880 okay she doesn't love it when i make fun of the ie no well she it's a whole because she grew up

00:47:01.100 in a different town there's like i feel like ie versus edge of ie there's like some like yeah

00:47:07.380 there are parts of ie that they don't like to be associated with each other that's what it seems

00:47:11.140 like that's very true and it seems like people near the ie are like that's not ie i'm from

00:47:15.200 ontario or whatever that is ie ontario yeah you are rancho cucamonga doesn't like to be included 0.84

00:47:20.880 in that either but it's true bitch it's kind of like i was in rancho cucamonga 30 hours ago no 0.86

00:47:25.840 way yes is that where you bombed no no okay no that was in uh that was near here too that was 0.86

00:47:32.680 in uh atwater village oh no i was in i went to me and my father-in-law saw uh street fighter

00:47:38.280 oh nice was it good that way it was not no not like i had a feeling it wouldn't be awesome i

00:47:44.720 was really excited i thought they were gonna like capture the the corniness yeah mortal combat did

00:47:49.740 but not really really you know it was a good time i got a commemorative cup oh nice yeah had to i

00:47:55.280 loved those games oh man i'm trying to get commemorative everything yeah i loved those

00:48:00.100 games i i joked about this with my my parents the other day because my parents had us young

00:48:04.420 like me me and my siblings or my sister specifically and so like when i was growing up

00:48:09.000 there's like a gap in my knowledge of children's media because my parents were just showing me

00:48:14.000 shit that they thought was fucking cool at the time so like i grew up yeah so i grew up playing

00:48:19.200 like 80s arcade games and stuff so i don't know a lot about there's like a section of like barbie 0.96

00:48:24.100 movies and stuff there's like tinkerbell stuff like i didn't i none of all of that missed me

00:48:28.340 do you find that you have an almost encyclopedic knowledge of like cool people music from an age

00:48:34.020 yes yeah yes i was just laughing about this on my last episode that i filmed i was talking about

00:48:38.540 party all the time by eddie murphy yeah also the five heartbeats that's one of my favorite like

00:48:42.820 movies and soundtracks great film soundtrack goes crazy yeah robert townsend really did his 0.97

00:48:47.700 hell yeah that's why shit like that my parents were showing me that because they were like well 0.92

00:48:52.300 i think this is awesome yeah they were like in their late 20s when they yeah young parents is 0.98

00:48:56.100 weird do you remember when your parents turned 30 uh i do remember i think i remember my mom

00:49:01.360 having a pretty big party at the house but we were upstairs we were we had to stay upstairs

00:49:05.160 kids room we had to stay upstairs spent a lot of time in the kids room yeah like when i think about

00:49:10.340 some of the shit i was doing when i was a kid like with my parents i always like to joke that 0.91

00:49:14.800 it was like if the cast of friends were all people of color and lived in a really bad neighborhood 1.00

00:49:19.160 yeah and then there were two kids in there that's that's what my childhood felt like oh man you were 0.88

00:49:23.480 like were you like a house i was like a house party baby yeah yeah yeah so like and i i had

00:49:27.800 like my parents like had like all their friends were the same age yeah you remember there was

00:49:31.760 like a kids room circuit yeah like you'd see a kid and be like oh man i ain't seen you since

00:49:37.180 st patrick's day when we were in the same weird room in another house in someone else's house

00:49:43.820 going through adults jacket pockets

00:49:46.340 yeah it was the same and we were the only kids in the circle for a while oh man yeah because

00:49:53.760 they were young so none of their friends had yeah none of their friends had kids so all their

00:49:57.140 friends like had fun being like aunts and uncles right right and i remember um my parents had this

00:50:03.100 friend at the time and he was taking me um because my parents really did have a village like they had

00:50:08.420 like their like one of my dad's brothers and like my godfather all friends all the same age that

00:50:13.820 would like pick me up from school or my sister and like take us to like sports and stuff and i

00:50:18.200 remember one time we all had stuff at the same time so i went with my parents friend he he like

00:50:23.240 took me he was taking me to a cheer thing I was like in cheer competitive yeah like well it was

00:50:28.600 yeah it was competitive cheer but at the time I think it was just something it wasn't anything

00:50:32.220 crazy I think we were cheering at a game or something but he got lost and then I missed it

00:50:36.740 and I was like really sad about it and this guy at the time like for perspective he was like 28

00:50:41.380 maybe right yeah so he's driving me and he and I'm crying and I'm just like I'm just sad that

00:50:45.860 I missed it and then he's like and he like doesn't know how to comfort me because he's not a dad

00:50:50.940 yeah so he's like well well this is your birthday present and it was way before my birthday it was

00:50:57.700 probably like a month or two early yeah and he's like um so you could just have it now um if you

00:51:02.700 stop crying and then i i took it i was like okay what was it it was a spongebob game for my game

00:51:08.500 boy awesome so and i loved my game boy so i was like he was like i got this for your birthday but

00:51:13.520 you can have it now i'm sorry and i know he was a good guy because he got he got it two months 0.87

00:51:17.560 early i know so he's like a thoughtful i think so and that's why i was like shit like that i think

00:51:23.300 about memories like that when i'm like there were like people my age right now just had a kid with 0.77

00:51:29.260 them that's crazy i couldn't imagine it yeah yeah yeah i couldn't imagine i was in college with a

00:51:34.060 kid yeah so it was mine yeah yeah that's crazy to think i couldn't get through college without a kid

00:51:41.540 i barely made it through with no kids see mom beat that game somehow i think about that too

00:51:48.140 sometimes yeah we're just like it's crazy right right well i think about it too because my dad

00:51:55.360 um my dad played in the nfl for a couple years is that how you got to the shield no

00:52:01.620 completely separate yeah completely separate decades later and it's funny because when i

00:52:06.980 got fired uh the first person i talked to was my dad from the nfl yeah and when i called i got a

00:52:11.980 hold of my dad my dad goes man they really don't want us in there because they hired him too

00:52:16.280 man they hate us in there which is not for us not for us so my dad my dad got drafted um

00:52:26.300 seventh round okay right before mr irrelevant like literally before and mr relevant for those

00:52:32.460 of you that don't know is the very last person picked in the draft. Hey y'all today's episode

00:52:37.160 is sponsored by Mars. You might not realize it but Mars is behind so many of your favorite

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00:54:15.120 My dad-

00:54:15.960 What position did your dad play?

00:54:16.800 O-line.

00:54:17.640 That doesn't seem as crazy to be a late drafted O-line.

00:54:20.220 No, but my dad was also older.

00:54:21.840 Like my dad didn't start playing football

00:54:23.640 until he was in junior college.

00:54:25.620 Oh, he started at JUCO.

00:54:26.900 Yeah, he started at the JUCO and then got a scholarship to a four-year.

00:54:32.060 Oh, okay.

00:54:32.740 Went there, and then from there got drafted.

00:54:34.460 So he was probably like 24, 25?

00:54:36.460 Yeah, like late, late 20s.

00:54:37.760 That's tough.

00:54:38.240 Which is like 100 in NFL years.

00:54:40.560 Was he like a pulling guard or was he a center?

00:54:42.260 He was a center.

00:54:43.780 Nose?

00:54:45.300 Oh, a left tackle.

00:54:46.560 Oh, wow.

00:54:47.260 So he was very important.

00:54:49.180 Blindsided tackle. 1.00

00:54:50.260 Yeah, and fast as fuck. 1.00

00:54:52.120 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:54:52.620 I actually made this joke with Caleb recently because we were talking,

00:54:55.920 he's one of my only friends that knows football.

00:54:58.120 He knows it so well.

00:54:59.220 Yeah.

00:54:59.580 And cares about it.

00:55:00.880 And so he made a joke about what do you think your 40 time would be to me?

00:55:05.480 Right now?

00:55:06.220 Yeah, right now.

00:55:06.780 I was like, right now, like right now, right now.

00:55:09.100 He goes, yeah, I go probably five, two.

00:55:11.620 You should have seen.

00:55:12.400 You think cold right now?

00:55:13.540 You should have seen how mad he got at me.

00:55:17.960 And I was like, a lot of people are not going to get why that's really funny.

00:55:21.380 Five, five, two.

00:55:22.620 I'm not happy

00:55:25.100 5-2 is pretty fast to just like 0.99

00:55:29.820 No that's fast as fuck and I'm laughing 0.99

00:55:31.760 I'm laughing because I 0.99

00:55:33.360 Why am I yelling?

00:55:34.680 When I told my husband that joke he laughed

00:55:37.860 and he goes that's funny

00:55:39.820 because that's like

00:55:41.260 just slow enough

00:55:43.600 but just fast enough to be irritating

00:55:45.240 Yeah that's true

00:55:46.680 He's so right about that

00:55:49.700 He's so right about that

00:55:50.740 Just slow enough just fast enough to be irritating

00:55:52.500 to say yeah because if you understand football that is a really irritating joke for me to make

00:55:56.520 yeah like if you just said five six i'd be like yeah okay that's not crazy that doesn't that's

00:56:01.460 why i said five two five two is like because five two once you get knocking around five

00:56:05.780 yeah it's like okay but like like when i was in high school the four nine four eight kids were 0.86

00:56:09.440 like the fastest guy the fat fastest fastest fuck yeah this is great your audience like yeah if you 0.94

00:56:15.940 like football these are funny as fuck jokes but i i don't get to make a lot of those with a lot of 0.99

00:56:21.900 my audience because they don't really fuck with football okay that's fair yeah i think five two 0.97

00:56:25.660 is funny yeah thank you i think it was thank you for validating he goes he goes you think you could 0.96

00:56:30.680 run a fight no you couldn't like he got so mad at me and he was like i'll tell you what your 40 0.88

00:56:34.420 time is 10 seconds that's not true and i was like bitch you're saying that and you hurt yourself 0.98

00:56:38.800 kicking okay what do you know nothing i was like you have no idea how fast i am 0.98

00:56:43.700 that's the great thing about being an adult you could just say that that's what i'm saying as a

00:56:48.940 kid everybody's testing your fast yeah every day as a grown-up you don't know how fast i am and

00:56:53.800 that's honestly i feel like you're a lot like me in that it's funny to say it like well we just

00:56:58.560 don't know yeah we'll never know no you're not gonna run a 40 no you could be you could be wrong

00:57:03.880 though i could run a 5-2 i could you i okay here's what i would think you clearly have fast genetics

00:57:10.320 it's in there hello yeah so i mean being sired sorry maybe not the word of uh that's funny

00:57:18.020 high level athlete i feel like you could you could probably get moving hello i when your dad

00:57:24.320 runs right now right now my dad's probably pretty fast right now my dad's my dad was bodybuilding

00:57:29.400 like a year or two ago damn you got a buff dad yeah so he's huge my dad's a big guy okay um he's

00:57:34.980 6'6 too like naturally oh because he was a left tackle in the nfl that makes sense well yes yeah 0.51

00:57:42.900 and that's even i've joked about this too on the show where because i my main sport i played when

00:57:47.300 i was growing up was soccer um which is strange and weird only because i'm the biggest soccer

00:57:51.800 player you've ever seen in your life you're like a midfielder no i was a defender oh yeah i was a

00:57:55.980 center left defender so you have a tenacity yeah and i and i was fast like well what i say what i'll

00:58:02.260 say is on my player profile which you know they're kind of like yelps you know when you get those

00:58:05.980 oh you had like a preps yeah i had a prep high school preps okay wow max preps so you were like

00:58:11.360 very good yeah well you were you were good in a way that you were looking to continue your career

00:58:16.020 yeah i thought that's how i was gonna go to college at first but then i got an academic

00:58:19.380 scholarship so i decided to take that the hardest one yeah right for real well i decided to take

00:58:25.520 that too because i played sports for so long at such a serious level yeah that it was just my

00:58:30.480 whole life and i was like i didn't get to do shit i didn't get to do anything like you were training

00:58:34.180 all the time yeah man that sounds cool yeah i mean it was it was it was to an extent i guess

00:58:39.700 it was cool but on my player profile it used to say deceptively fast okay which is kind of

00:58:45.480 mean but still it's on there does definitely come from a place it comes from a place right it's not

00:58:52.700 it's not 100 pure in intention but i appreciate it regardless you know what else is is is a kind 0.79

00:58:57.940 of mean is when they say pure athlete or it's like oh so i'm just like a dumb guy

00:59:03.100 i also said that joke is if people were saying that about me

00:59:06.920 and that is in no way true i played 4a high school football it was not competitive

00:59:12.800 i was good i was not her father and that's fine i've made my peace with that my husband um uh he

00:59:20.180 had a chance to go to the combine but he didn't want he didn't want to play anymore like he was

00:59:24.080 kind of over it did he play d1 i assume then yeah okay yeah he did and then so you're just

00:59:28.840 all athletes all around well we're all someone oh so it's kind of in our stars okay like man i'm

00:59:35.160 from the northwest a lot of great yeah a lot of great the two yasasopos yes i'm very familiar

00:59:41.060 with the two y'all so yeah he marcus was in high school when i was probably junior high oh nice

00:59:47.580 yeah okay cool well then you know better than anyone like someone's are pretty predisposed to

00:59:53.160 athletics in junior high school yeah that's why like so my my husband's someone too so that's why

00:59:59.240 he was really good at football also he was a also quick feet maybe i don't know yeah maybe he had

01:00:03.880 other intentions it wasn't just he was a i'm sure he worked on it a three tech that's what he was

01:00:08.440 oh he played defensive tackle okay yeah so he that's who he was and so like i remember

01:00:13.380 i asked him he's big too yeah he's six four

01:00:16.300 and i'm six feet yeah and my mom's five three if you can believe i met your mom she is five three

01:00:24.180 yeah she's five three she's closer to my end of things yeah it's funny because she like my mom's

01:00:30.820 five three my dad's six six my older sister is five four and i'm i'm six feet damn that's tough

01:00:36.840 on your sister yeah and then we had a my mom had a boy so my little brother um for a while we were 0.97

01:00:42.840 like damn he got my sister's genetics like for a while we were like damn he's small that's crazy

01:00:47.460 i got the big gene it was me yeah but then he's taller than me now now he's he's six two now so 0.98

01:00:52.060 i'm like okay he's good for a while we were like uh-oh my family has never felt smaller than just

01:00:58.080 now but i'm also on now like my family's unnaturally large like sometimes when like that's

01:01:05.840 why i think height fatness none of that has ever registered to me ever because i came i come from

01:01:13.760 a very big family yes in height and stature yes it's just people are big yeah people are big so

01:01:18.840 in hollywood everyone is this big everyone's about three apples tall la is really a tiny place yes

01:01:26.480 everyone is so on and so when they see me it's like whoa every time i go into any room in hollywood

01:01:31.980 it's like oh my god you should flip it on them though because they're littler than everybody

01:01:36.160 else knows you go and you see these people and you're like i thought you i didn't know you were

01:01:41.080 so tiny i say that to everyone i'm always like yeah i don't know like me me and the rock like

01:01:46.880 that's why i think i've gotten when i first met the rock we were standing side by side yeah um

01:01:52.240 someone was like i know you've always joked because i've always said i'm six feet tall but

01:01:55.780 for some reason on google it says i'm five four i don't know why five four yeah which you know i'm

01:02:00.860 I'll play you out.

01:02:01.700 Yeah, they are.

01:02:02.520 You know I'm not, you met me.

01:02:03.360 You're significantly taller than me.

01:02:06.740 And I'm 5'10".

01:02:09.660 So.

01:02:11.080 Prove it.

01:02:12.960 Well, just like the 40 time, they'll never know.

01:02:14.500 Yeah, exactly.

01:02:15.340 And I run a 4'9".

01:02:19.340 I might go to JUCO as well. 1.00

01:02:21.280 I've given this joke to women and gay people 1.00

01:02:24.180 who don't really fuck with football. 0.99

01:02:25.800 But I'm like, whenever you want to really rage bait, 0.97

01:02:28.560 like an athlete, specifically a football player,

01:02:31.120 but any athlete, if you ask them like,

01:02:33.100 how fast do you think you could run a 40?

01:02:36.140 Yeah.

01:02:36.980 Whatever they say, regardless of the number,

01:02:40.000 you just go, is that laser though?

01:02:42.140 Oh, that's mean.

01:02:43.300 That's mean.

01:02:44.140 Yeah, that's really funny to see.

01:02:47.360 He's validating it's funny and it's mean.

01:02:49.300 I like that.

01:02:50.140 Is that laser though?

01:02:51.280 I like making fun of athletes because they're so strong.

01:02:54.480 Me too.

01:02:55.320 you and I have that in common I think it's funny I also I like to do it to lampoon people stronger

01:03:02.460 I think so too I honestly and I like to do it because I think uh because I came up on the

01:03:07.460 internet like attacking misogynistic men right I think a lot of times they just assume I don't

01:03:12.380 know a lot about sports or football or anything so when I make a laser joke like a lot of people

01:03:18.100 are like laser and I'm like yeah laser is the most accurate reading of the time yeah a lot of

01:03:21.700 them will say stopwatch yeah which is that could be any time that's subject to human error you know

01:03:26.340 who else gets mad about saying wrong 40 times is misogynistic man that's exactly exactly just 0.71

01:03:34.420 kidding what's your 40 time little guy such a dumb thing to measure too it's never gonna serve 0.93

01:03:41.380 you unless you're in the nfl yeah it's also a weird distance why did they pick like 40 yards 0.91

01:03:46.340 most plays aren't 40 yards i know maybe it's the burst they want to see the quick twitch but then

01:03:51.000 there's also like the shuttle run the three cone shuttle yeah what are we doing the vert let's

01:03:54.860 talk about yeah when they do vert in in the combine i'm like what's that gonna help i don't

01:03:58.460 know you don't need to jump sometimes i like to see the combine combine and things that i can do

01:04:02.360 like i can do 225 a few times i still got it oh well i mean if i warmed up and i had the chalk

01:04:10.320 i'm sure yeah i'm sure i could do that hit me on the stopwatch it's a 5-1 come on yeah on stopwatch

01:04:17.020 okay five three okay okay i do i'm gonna pivot really quick to um some fun facts about you about

01:04:23.380 about me about you yes well you'll let me know if they're fun okay and i always say i always say

01:04:29.240 i'll always say if they're not fun um you can let me know and i counted against amanda and her job

01:04:34.480 so no pressure oh great yes no so it's just like a job hangs in the balance yes yes someone's

01:04:39.960 having a good time yes yes that's how serious i take your happiness on this show okay okay here

01:04:46.200 Here we go.

01:04:47.040 Okay, this first one, it says that you had a cameo

01:04:50.600 in a George Harrison music video.

01:04:52.880 Yes.

01:04:53.720 That's crazy.

01:04:54.560 Yeah, that was fun.

01:04:55.400 How did that come about?

01:04:57.800 You're not remembering.

01:04:58.720 Oh, Lance Bangs.

01:05:00.040 Lance Bangs was directing a George Harrison video

01:05:02.640 and asked me if I could be in it and I said, hell yeah.

01:05:05.440 And then I danced with one of the Arquettes.

01:05:07.680 I can't remember.

01:05:10.800 Because of the itis. 0.97

01:05:12.360 Exactly what's happening.

01:05:13.800 We have the same itis.

01:05:14.800 but there's footage of me dancing with her online in a beatles music video that's crazy and then

01:05:21.620 she was like i love comedy one of my friends he does comedy dave chappelle and i was like all

01:05:25.420 right all right all right okay well in that case i don't do comedy so forget it i was in a beatles

01:05:35.180 music video yeah that's very cool yeah crazy i forget about it is that like a fun like ice

01:05:40.140 breaker you you remember sometimes i never bring it up to anyone ever yeah me either you know what's

01:05:45.560 funny though what my she said i hate that i told the story my sister-in-law my wife's sister

01:05:52.000 found it out and called my wife and she was like who's my favorite beetle who's my favorite beetle

01:05:58.460 she's like george harrison you didn't tell me david was so funny so funny to make a call and

01:06:05.840 say who's my favorite beetle and she's like what what are you talking about that's crazy you were

01:06:13.940 in her favorite beetles music video yeah i was in that i was in that music video though yeah with a

01:06:18.120 bunch of other comics otsuko was in there oh i love otsuko we love her here yeah she's the best

01:06:24.420 she's a good time yeah she's so fun she's really fun okay this next one says in 2019 you became

01:06:30.420 the official voice announcer of comedy central that is true that's cool too i still do that job

01:06:36.700 oh my gosh how fun do you like voiceover work have you done a lot of voiceover work i've done

01:06:40.600 a couple cartoons yeah how is it i've tried out for a few i'm trying to again i have not booked

01:06:45.580 one that's why i'm donkey kong but i am i am interested in it i have done a few reads for

01:06:50.900 voiceover it's so much fun especially like one of my cartoons it was all covid so it was like

01:06:56.660 i wasn't even living in la i was in denver and i would just go to the studio and they would patch

01:07:01.380 me into the and then i would do all my so you would just go do an episode at a time yeah yeah

01:07:06.140 i love i love cartoons that's cool i'd love to do another one if you're watching if anyone's

01:07:10.620 watching and anyone's interested both of us two of us donkey and diddy kong maybe i'll change my

01:07:16.020 name a little if that's okay with you guys in light of current events oh my gosh i would love

01:07:24.340 i would love to do voiceover work i think it's so it's really fun it is it is a good job i think

01:07:28.480 you could do it you have a good voice i think so yeah you'd be good i can't sing for shit but i i

01:07:32.840 think i could definitely about that at all yeah well i'm glad to hear it because don't ask me

01:07:37.500 don't okay i can't there's no point but i i would love to do voiceover like um i have noticed though 1.00

01:07:45.220 a trend in a lot of the voiceovers i've been getting they're all like bitchy women or old 0.94

01:07:49.580 women yeah which you know that's tough but you know what it's all right crazy because you're 0.68

01:07:53.820 like this is my voice like sometimes i'll get auditions and it'll be like lovable sidekick as 0.75

01:08:00.740 dumb as he is happy to be there and i'm like all right i guess that's what you think i look like

01:08:04.960 but i can't i could be a superhero i could you can't see you're telling me it's up to you 0.95

01:08:10.340 i i did that once when i i did a read for a voiceover for an adult cartoon and i got

01:08:17.660 a callback for it like a second read right and then they asked me to read for another character

01:08:22.840 too like in that read they were like oh read for this one again and also then you think you're

01:08:26.220 really in because you're like they're asking me to do other no for real and i never heard from

01:08:29.320 them again obviously but when i did that that other character like the the log line for her 0.76

01:08:34.120 was like uh that she was like a shit bag teacher like just an old shit bag teacher that's bad and 0.96

01:08:40.500 hates kids and then also um has a really deep almost manly voice man them log lines be hurting 0.99

01:08:49.580 I was like, cause the first one was like a girl,

01:08:54.420 like a young woman.

01:08:55.540 And then the next day I was thinking to myself, 0.87

01:08:57.700 you heard the tone of my voice and you were like,

01:09:00.460 let's have her read for the smoker old teacher. 0.99

01:09:02.480 That's what sucks. 0.99

01:09:03.520 And then that's always when you're, 0.97

01:09:05.100 whoever calls you with your auditions is like,

01:09:07.260 they say it's basically for you.

01:09:10.560 Written for you.

01:09:11.720 This part is you. 1.00

01:09:13.060 And it's just like, he's a gullible idiot. 1.00

01:09:15.280 And you're like, oh, okay. 1.00

01:09:17.780 Cool, man.

01:09:18.740 Oh, perfect.

01:09:19.580 Yeah.

01:09:20.400 Oh, love. 1.00

01:09:21.240 That's why mine is like, huge, bitch in the office. 1.00

01:09:24.740 That's mine. 1.00

01:09:25.580 They said it's basically you.

01:09:26.420 Yeah, they said literally made for you.

01:09:28.520 No callback.

01:09:31.360 Yeah, man, this is a hard business.

01:09:32.820 But you know what, we're loving it.

01:09:33.980 Yeah, we're okay.

01:09:34.820 We are loving it.

01:09:35.660 Look at us.

01:09:36.500 Okay, next one.

01:09:37.340 What's the Comedy Central?

01:09:38.880 Exactly.

01:09:40.220 Okay, this accent says you once described

01:09:42.360 your childhood self as a, quote,

01:09:44.660 weird kid who drank a lot of water

01:09:46.340 and watched a lot of TV.

01:09:48.740 where did you find that hey man that's personal

01:09:55.760 yeah it is very it is very accurate i i kind of still in those things drank a lot of water huh

01:10:04.460 yeah and watched a lot of tv a lot of water yeah that's good that's probably why your skin's so

01:10:08.540 nice yeah i gotta sit i gotta i gotta routine as well but yeah i drink i'm pretty that's nice

01:10:12.980 damn yeah my family calls me a guzzler even as a kid you loved water that's crazy i have an

01:10:19.900 insatiable thirst that's nice though that's good you know what translate to why i chose his career 0.99

01:10:24.820 or anything it literally uh that's like the only other person i've ever met like that is my husband

01:10:30.660 who like drinks a lot yeah water like loves water and like really doesn't like anything else like

01:10:35.580 yeah water is the only way i feel like my third like other things taste good yeah but the problem

01:10:40.760 is if I start drinking other things the way I drink water so it'll be like my wife will give

01:10:45.180 me like a lemonade or something and then it's just like she turns her head and it's gone

01:10:48.480 like it's just so it's so fast so for my health reasons I kind of have to stick to mostly water

01:10:56.200 my husband said this once too about certain treats in the house like he's like they do something

01:11:03.600 weird to me that's what he that's how he describes it he goes they do something weird to me and I go

01:11:07.820 what does that mean and then he's like it's just like i can't stop eating them like and i'm gonna

01:11:12.660 eat all of them and then i'm gonna eat the next bag so like i need to like ration yeah because

01:11:17.360 they do something really weird to me that's like when i eat something i really like i describe it 0.85

01:11:21.340 as fucked up you know what i mean like i'm always like oh man like they'll be like pray drive like 0.94

01:11:27.960 that was fucked up it's fucked up we can't i can't be like i can't be doing this me and caleb joked 0.99

01:11:34.580 about this um when we went to ireland together last year but like i was telling him you know like 0.99

01:11:40.260 um if you've grown up like fat or plus size in any way and or in a fat family i was like did you 0.97

01:11:46.160 ever eat like like big guy shit that's how i describe it when you have a meal that's like a 0.99

01:11:50.960 big guy shit like the kind of shit that you eat and your stomach feels rock hard and when you have 1.00

01:11:56.740 to go home you have to like lay on the on the ground and put your feet up on the couch like 1.00

01:12:00.780 you know what i mean like big guy shit yeah and we were laughing about like the biggest guy 0.98

01:12:05.280 meals we've ever had yeah and i was telling him at one point when me and my husband were just 0.99

01:12:10.080 like we were just boyfriend and girlfriend we would every sunday we would wake up and we would

01:12:15.120 go to his house like his parents house because his mom would make this huge breakfast so we would 0.96

01:12:19.100 eat this enormous fucking breakfast all the all the best foods and then maybe a couple hours later 0.97

01:12:24.420 we would have his little brother go to costco and get food from there but we would each get 0.99

01:12:30.180 a chicken bake each each you know oh yeah yeah each then i would get a pretzel also he would

01:12:36.900 also get a hot dog we'd each eat all of those yeah then probably two hours later be like we 0.98

01:12:42.540 should get popeyes for dinner man and that's that's the type of shit i was on for like years 0.99

01:12:47.740 yeah me and my wife are on our health journey or whatever it's so fun to be fat in love 0.99

01:12:52.440 i agree just like in the house getting oh it's the best it's the fucking best everyone's stomach 0.97

01:13:00.720 hurts it's like you feel disgusting and so full of grease and you're like i got thai and chinese 0.87

01:13:07.220 you know it's bad when you're like god we had that yesterday yeah when you're ordering food 0.99

01:13:12.140 you're like oh yeah we just had that yeah because you're eating like shit all the time yeah there's 0.98

01:13:16.300 just like yeah we yeah not one solid poop in months but it's like oh it's just the best it's 0.99

01:13:22.140 like i you know when you see like crackheads in love and you're like it sucks but like they are 0.97

01:13:29.620 in love that's how it felt when we were doing shit like that you know what i mean where it's 0.97

01:13:35.460 just like okay this is not great no there's like trash everywhere right like we're just on our new 0.96

01:13:41.080 couch that we purchased together yes and there's just like

01:13:44.180 food trash just a massacre yeah everywhere it's like like vietnamese coffee at night 0.99

01:13:52.460 yeah who gives a fuck i love you so much 1.00

01:13:56.260 vietnamese coffee makes me blow shit up my back like a toddler yeah and i used to have 1.00

01:14:03.700 i used to have that shit like once a day i'd be like fuck it oh i can't even handle whole ones 0.99

01:14:09.060 i just like it because it's orange is that weird i like drinking no i think i think you just like 0.99

01:14:15.560 i think you just like what you like yeah but mostly i do like to drink water yeah

01:14:19.200 we're we're we're in a better phase now yeah more balance yeah but i pull on that one yeah 0.56

01:14:26.940 that's really wild i like to describe that when you said like it's fucked up i like to describe 1.00

01:14:32.480 it like when you eat like an asshole yeah i was like she eats like an asshole that's how i was 0.99

01:14:38.020 describing myself same yeah no i know exactly and it's fun sometimes you got to do it it's fun to be 1.00

01:14:42.440 what is it's like snakes like sometimes you got to squeeze the venom out just so they can it's

01:14:46.960 got to get out yeah so sometimes you got to eat like that yeah that's nice though

01:14:50.520 okay last one fact it says do you remember what halloween costume 0.99

01:14:56.540 you were wearing in this photo and i have the photo for you what the fuck 0.98

01:15:02.200 it's so cute that's crazy i was you were a cute ass kid i thank you i was warf uh from star trek 0.97

01:15:14.880 i was gonna say my little friend was a ferengi and but he didn't commit to the entire bit in the

01:15:22.060 way and you know what's funny about that picture that little kid the little one yes he's like seven 0.95

01:15:27.580 feet tall now damn yeah that's crazy they're the devil their parents were athletes though oh mom

01:15:32.820 played basketball dad ran track at usc so they all got really tall shout out to the andrews family 0.98

01:15:37.720 but yeah i was that's that's nuts that is so cute but you were from star trek i was war from star

01:15:45.540 trek you big star trek fan uh i think i watched a lot of tng just because i drink of water and

01:15:51.720 watching tv is on in the 90s so much because i don't really i haven't really watched a lot of

01:15:56.740 the other ones but i watched a lot of tng what was your uh like favorite show when you were a kid

01:16:01.540 because did you watch a lot of tv did you have like any faves i really don't prescribe to

01:16:06.020 favorites like that because it's just like i'm like i'm like taylor i got arrows you know

01:16:10.100 you know it's weird i got

01:16:13.300 support comes from wise the smart checking account for home and abroad got a canadian salary

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01:16:52.200 2027 learn more at wise.com really obsessed this is weird in fifth grade i i ditched most of it

01:17:00.580 okay and i was staying home damn in fifth grade yeah man crazy i was kind of a wild kid uh i was

01:17:07.040 i ditched most of fifth grade so i was just like i would just stay at home and watch uh do you guys

01:17:11.520 know what do you know what pax is pax it was like this vaguely christian channel okay because it

01:17:18.860 wasn't we didn't have cable okay so it was regular so it was vaguely christian it was like the bunny

01:17:23.220 ears tv yeah but the lineup in the morning would be uh a highway to heaven and then dr quinn medicine

01:17:31.480 woman okay i do know that and then uh like touched by an angel okay i remember that and then by that

01:17:37.760 was time that was over the daytime slop would start so i could like transition into like ricky

01:17:42.880 lake jenny jones and kind of ride that out through the afternoon nice and then by then all my friends

01:17:48.300 are coming home from school and i just go outside but like that kind of morning lineup was really

01:17:52.880 big for me man you did watch a lot of tv so much a lot of nonsense yeah not good i don't i still

01:17:59.640 don't really have a like i would say a great taste in television no what do you what do you like now

01:18:03.680 do you have any tv shows you're liking now i've been watching that mob land show with tom hardy

01:18:07.460 and pierce brosnan okay i've only seen the cover art i haven't watched it exactly what you think

01:18:11.800 about it's like not what you imagine yeah it's not interesting at all i i mean i like some i just

01:18:18.200 i get worn out by prestige television you know me too like it's like succession i was like thank

01:18:23.040 god this is once a week because i can't i'm exhausted i can't like binge this i feel that

01:18:31.120 i i'm very strange about tv i i've like kind of likened it to what chris fleming described as like

01:18:37.220 a culture scavenger he's like i like to go in and dig around in the trash when everyone's done with

01:18:42.400 it years later oh man that's kind of how i move too i i because i hate there's nothing it's always

01:18:48.000 feels so corny when a show's popping and you're watching that show you know what i mean like i

01:18:53.220 used to love to be like i've never seen game of thrones and then like then my wife was like you 0.96

01:18:58.220 never seen game of thrones and i watched it and that shit was amazing it was incredible i was 0.77

01:19:01.860 really up until the end it was it was incredible until the end well i didn't watch it because 1.00

01:19:05.500 somebody told me the black guys don't have dicks well no there's one black guy that doesn't but 0.99

01:19:09.860 the way that you even even that i was like i'm out me thinking i'm thinking for a second i was 1.00

01:19:16.140 like me thinking but there there is one yeah there's one there's one that doesn't and he 0.96

01:19:20.380 is a main character so i get it somebody told me that and i was like i'm good yeah hey fuck this 0.86

01:19:24.400 show yeah and i don't love magic like that but you like fantasy stuff no i don't feel it i'm like 0.87

01:19:31.100 pretty grounded in reality yeah you like a lot of realistic shows is that kind of your vibe 0.89

01:19:36.480 yeah or like really stupid ones like really like like comedy kind of deal yeah yeah like hard 0.94

01:19:42.520 comedies and stuff yeah there are some there are some movies that i know like nobody will ever 0.99

01:19:47.480 watch or give a fuck about but i think is one of the funniest movies i've ever seen oh give me an

01:19:52.400 example i would love to hear that um do you remember the movie heavyweights yeah from disney

01:19:57.400 channel i i recently re-watched it it's you should watch it if you if you haven't seen it in a while

01:20:03.800 that movie hurt my feelings because he was like ben stiller was so mean he was so mean but when

01:20:08.840 you rewatch it like it's actually a really beautiful depiction of of fatness with children

01:20:14.300 like when they're surrounded by other fat people yeah they're like this is the best because like

01:20:18.080 no one's the fat kid and who cares because the kids don't care that they're fat everybody else

01:20:22.260 does yeah so when they're all together it's actually really beautiful the way they talk

01:20:26.100 about it because they're like who cares who cares if i like to eat who cares if i don't want to lose

01:20:29.580 weight who cares beautiful and i rewatched what everybody was talking back then but at all but

01:20:34.340 honestly it was fucking hilarious still like there's a part in the beginning when they send 0.87

01:20:37.920 him like they tell him you're going to fat camp and the kid goes to his dad he goes you're fatter 0.94

01:20:42.100 than me you go to the fat camp they could never put that on tv now yeah but that would be hilarious

01:20:47.140 that's like one also this movie that's recent but it had john cena in it ricky stenicky oh where he

01:20:53.200 was fake yeah he was like playing yeah he was playing the fake guy they always put stuff on

01:20:57.260 who were their friends it was like it was like zach efron yeah zach efron was one there was i 0.87

01:21:02.940 watch that that cheeto santino guy i think he was one of them that one i was cracking the fuck up 0.53

01:21:08.400 no one cares about that movie no one's ever gonna watch it i love so you're like very do you look 0.64

01:21:12.480 like slapstick i love slapstick comedy okay like the rock and kevin hart together like i know 0.99

01:21:17.520 people are like this is fucking stupid i'm giggling when i watch them together i'm giggling 0.99

01:21:21.440 what's your favorite rock collab oh hobs and shaw that's easy wow yeah fast and the furious 1.00

01:21:27.460 spinoff hobson shaw him and jason statham comedy genius you know what i'm gonna this is a crazy

01:21:33.800 opinion in my opinion we moved past it uh you know what my favorite rock movie is what i think

01:21:40.500 the rundown is the best movie he ever did interesting him and sean william scott yeah

01:21:45.240 that's a really interesting pick christopher walken yeah i think it's really funny i think

01:21:50.480 he acted really well i love it what an interesting pick from his discography i know he does have

01:21:56.580 quite a bit of like movies somewhat in this vein it's before he really got off the porch he was

01:22:02.300 still wrestling a lot more than yeah that's true yeah because he did like walking tall and all that

01:22:06.400 yeah yeah yeah because i'm like definitely from i saw him go from smackdown yeah and like loud

01:22:12.040 shirts and being like it doesn't matter what you you know i mean jabronis or whatever but like yeah

01:22:17.400 i really love that no my like and you probably know this too if you did know someone someone's

01:22:21.440 love wwe yeah so like i it's a lot of a lot in someone's in there yeah like the usos i don't

01:22:28.220 know why i'm saying it weird i feel like i'm saying i know rikishi follows me on instagram

01:22:34.240 so really yes wow he and i have that we have someone personhood in common the two of us and

01:22:40.800 we're built similar so what a big footprint for such a small island i know that's what i'm saying

01:22:45.800 like it like it's always like in the population in in samua yeah it's it's like smaller than

01:22:52.040 one city in la i know that okay like all of samua is smaller it could fit in la so the population

01:22:58.060 abroad is bigger than the population there um no i would say just generally it's just still

01:23:03.980 very small like the diaspora is pretty broad but there's just not nearly enough of us but i did do

01:23:09.680 a report on this in college once that um they call like a lot of recruiters call samua football

01:23:14.640 island uh because it's like that that does make sense yeah it's like the place they breed football

01:23:19.120 players like it's like they're made for it there is it because they were a seafaring people is

01:23:23.020 that why they're yes it's it's because they're so big people get so big and fast like they're

01:23:27.940 they're very light on their feet and that's like and strong so that's like the biggest that's why

01:23:31.440 they're built for sports like football right essentially um but i saw i when i did this

01:23:36.260 report it was like it was this study or something about like someone men going to the league and

01:23:42.540 it was like they're five or six times more likely to go than any other race in the world whoa which

01:23:48.360 per capita how many someone people there are in the world that's an insane statistic no it makes

01:23:53.100 sense because hardly anybody plays professional anyways right right yeah yeah like it's less than

01:23:58.260 one percent for the average man to like their likelihood to go to the nfl it's less than one

01:24:02.560 percent but like someone men are five or six more times more likely to go wow which is why like the

01:24:08.660 NFL was so like whatever's to me growing up because I knew so many people who went not just

01:24:13.380 my dad but like that's the least relatable thing I've ever heard but that's really relatable to

01:24:21.260 all Polynesians not just Samuans but like Tongans too there's a lot of Tongan people in there too

01:24:24.820 but even like all the P.I. guys that's what they used to call themselves in my junior high school

01:24:29.520 E.I. guys? P.I. oh P.I. yes Pacific Islander yes yes yes yes yes and a lot of them used to break

01:24:35.160 dance yes that's true they do love to dance there's honestly and i will say too not for nothing i will

01:24:42.940 say too like um a lot of because i've noticed this too growing up someone's and and black people too

01:24:48.780 have a lot of crossover in media like we we watch a lot of the same shows we listen to a lot of the

01:24:53.740 same music like we we kind of like cross over a lot in that i think that a lot of people cross 0.90

01:24:59.180 over with black people more than they'd like to admit that's true and that's called colonizing 0.96

01:25:04.380 yeah that's called stealing and gentrifying yes of course yeah you're right about that 1.00

01:25:09.280 shout out to all the pi guys from junior high school yeah shout out shout out to the pi guys

01:25:15.600 love y'all i'm glad you know a lot about polynesians and sports too i never really

01:25:21.040 get to talk about that very yeah i mean i guess i never knew that i did until now

01:25:24.880 we're discovering it together yeah yeah this is good this is good for us i'm gonna call my

01:25:30.540 wife after this i got something else another skill set just dropped hell yeah another thing

01:25:37.420 i can relate to people on okay it's kind of to wrap us i know we talked a little bit about your

01:25:43.380 career and then we were just being hilarious and silly the rest of the time that's but you i do i

01:25:47.780 do want to tell you though i am a huge fan of your comedy i think you are so funny and i do love the

01:25:52.560 clips of your podcast i've seen as well uh very funny i do enjoy your humor and your comedy i

01:25:58.420 feel like i there's a lot of crossover with me specifically because you talk about a lot of stuff

01:26:02.180 i i feel like i can relate to so i really love you as a comic so do you have any advice for any

01:26:09.640 aspiring comics oh wow uh learn a trade uh don't quit your day job i think that like advice to

01:26:20.460 aspiring comics i would say just like make sure you think it's funny i think some sometimes in

01:26:26.160 doing this there's like they always want like especially with social media now it's like oh

01:26:31.780 everybody's talking about this so i have to do this thing but it's kind of like if you don't

01:26:35.680 like it you're not really gonna ever be happy yeah your heart's not in it yeah because everybody 0.98

01:26:40.260 a bunch of people are gonna hate your shit all the time and say no so it might as well be 0.99

01:26:43.460 they're like saying no to shit you like that's true that's such a good point because i i think 1.00

01:26:48.720 sometimes too when i like make jokes i'm like well i thought that was hilarious i think it's 0.99

01:26:52.780 gonna be hilarious i have to yeah that's like kind of it everything else is like all right

01:26:57.740 everything else is up in the air but i have to at the very least love it i think that's funny too

01:27:03.760 and i even like back in the day when i would make videos all the time uh just making fun of men or

01:27:09.420 roasting them sometimes my husband would watch my videos and he'd be like that's so annoying because

01:27:14.420 i can tell you made yourself laugh in that one like some of them i pre-wrote like i i would like

01:27:19.860 plan but then sometimes off the dome i would say something and i would make myself laugh

01:27:24.420 that's so you could tell there's like been this thing where people are like i hate it when coming

01:27:28.600 i don't know man if i could tell the joke a hundred times and still laugh at it that's pretty

01:27:33.500 good i think that's like a pretty good joke if i you're so you're so right about that and you're

01:27:40.240 so real because sometimes and this is annoying but it like with caleb sometimes people will be

01:27:45.620 critical of whether or not they're like oh caleb's funnier than everyone i'm always like okay

01:27:49.460 whatever whatever whatever he's up there though he is no he is one of the funniest people to ever

01:27:53.820 live i know that's true yeah but i sometimes i think i'm like i think sometimes you guys think

01:27:58.820 that because for someone like me when i'm talking to caleb i i'm a big laugher you've seen i love to

01:28:04.460 laugh i love to be entertained you've been very generous yeah but i'm also i'm not too proud to

01:28:10.860 laugh like i love to be entertained just as much so it's almost like laughing is part of it so like

01:28:16.140 if I'm making myself laugh,

01:28:17.740 like obviously it's still hitting.

01:28:19.640 I'm going to keep telling it

01:28:20.860 until it doesn't hit anymore.

01:28:22.420 And people forget,

01:28:23.280 I think sometimes it's about me having fun.

01:28:25.100 Yeah.

01:28:26.220 Like, so sometimes if I'm laughing,

01:28:27.920 I don't know, it's just what I like.

01:28:30.620 The amount of times I've said that,

01:28:32.360 I'm like, well, I'm going to,

01:28:33.360 well, I have a microphone and you don't.

01:28:34.820 So I'm going to keep telling it

01:28:36.240 because it's going to make me laugh.

01:28:37.880 And I'll be completely honest. 1.00

01:28:40.400 My shit misses exactly as much as it hits. 0.99

01:28:42.620 you see the hits on whatever right like in life in the car it's 50 50 you should see my costco 1.00

01:28:50.520 bits it's like a lot of them are so bad just not going good right you know your trial running them

01:28:56.920 on your wife i would but it's just bits for the sake of it's not even like i'm not like i could

01:29:01.420 take this to the stage it's just like you're telling me girl yeah it's just i do that all 0.98

01:29:05.060 the time i'm like that's for me yeah it's just like isn't it funny if i pretend my nipples are 0.88

01:29:10.000 avocados and then I'm not gonna do anything with that 0.96

01:29:13.620 other than I would like it.

01:29:14.720 I would like it if she liked it.

01:29:16.640 And she doesn't always.

01:29:17.560 Yeah, yeah.

01:29:18.400 She doesn't always.

01:29:19.240 I feel that.

01:29:20.080 Sometimes she likes it though.

01:29:21.760 Sometimes she really likes it.

01:29:23.560 So I mean, that's like.

01:29:24.400 I feel that.

01:29:25.240 Sometimes I'll say a joke that I'm like,

01:29:27.520 only my sister's gonna laugh at this

01:29:30.220 or only my husband's gonna laugh at this.

01:29:32.740 And I'm like, and that's who I do it for.

01:29:34.540 Yeah.

01:29:35.520 I was like, if this hits with no one else in the room,

01:29:38.200 I got one laugh. 0.54

01:29:39.280 It sucks sometimes because I can't not.

01:29:41.340 Yeah, me either.

01:29:44.320 And then it has to, you know?

01:29:46.100 And it's like, I know.

01:29:47.340 I know it's not for everybody.

01:29:48.640 Yeah.

01:29:49.140 It can't all be for everybody.

01:29:50.200 Sometimes when I'm on camera, I'll literally think, like, I'll make a joke and no one really laughs.

01:29:54.960 But I'm like, I hope they keep that in so that when the person I said that for does watch it, they do laugh.

01:30:01.180 That's the best comment.

01:30:01.880 You see that comment and then you have to quit scrolling.

01:30:05.240 Like if somebody's like, oh, my God, Drew.

01:30:07.000 They acted like Drew didn't say that 1.00

01:30:10.220 And that shit was the funniest shit 1.00

01:30:12.380 And then you gotta be like 1.00

01:30:13.520 And that's who I do it for

01:30:15.560 I'm sure that's who you do it for too

01:30:17.440 That one weird guy

01:30:19.220 That one weird guy

01:30:21.040 And the weird guy probably Donkey Kong

01:30:23.880 If I had to guess

01:30:25.340 And that is full circle

01:30:27.100 Yes there you go that's called looping it back to the beginning

01:30:29.460 Well thank you so much for coming on the show

01:30:32.880 Thanks for having me 0.99

01:30:33.380 I think you're a fucking hoot 0.99

01:30:34.580 I think this would have been just as fun 0.99

01:30:37.380 Had you been dressed up like Wario

01:30:39.440 Yeah that's true I agree

01:30:40.980 Or Toad or Bowser

01:30:42.680 Or Chrome Peach

01:30:43.600 Anybody really

01:30:45.640 Imagine you'd probably be so scared if I was like all one color

01:30:48.560 It would have been tough on me

01:30:51.840 Because I would have been intimidated 1.00

01:30:53.200 Had I come in here and you were monochromatic 1.00

01:30:56.000 I would have 1.00

01:30:57.320 Would have been a little difficult for me to focus

01:30:59.140 I'd have been shook

01:30:59.820 Noted for the next time you come back

01:31:03.100 Noted for the next time you come back

01:31:04.520 and clip that thank you so much for tuning into this week's episode of the comment section show

01:31:11.040 thank you so much to my amazing guest david borey uh for the maybe five people who don't know where

01:31:16.040 can everybody find you uh cool guy jokes 87 on instagram period great handle i really thought

01:31:22.680 the platform was gonna last uh and then yeah you just i have a podcast my mama told me that i do

01:31:29.140 with lanks and kerman and i have a podcast all fantasy everything with ian carmel and sean jordan

01:31:33.260 you can check those out and then you know just come see me at your local chuckle hut yes you

01:31:39.360 have to chuckles university yep you're the headmaster i'm yeah head boy

01:31:44.340 and i'm just donkey kong there that's it i'm the mascot 0.97

01:31:49.780 chuckle you donkey kong yes chuckle you the donkey kongs you remember

01:31:54.840 thank you all so much for tuning into this episode of the comment section show don't forget 0.96

01:31:59.800 new episodes drop every wednesday you can stream the audio on all streaming platforms

01:32:02.940 with the video lists for free

01:32:03.860 and exclusively on our favorite platform, YouTube.

01:32:06.640 Thank you so much to my amazing guest, David Borey.

01:32:08.720 Thank you so much to all of you.

01:32:10.260 Happy Halloween and I'll see you next week.

01:32:12.520 Bye.

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The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - October 28, 2026

DAVID GBORIE HAS AN INSATIABLE THIRST Ft. David Gborie ｜ Episode 245

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