MEN HATE WHEN WOMEN DON'T NEED THEM Ft. Nai Jelee ｜ Drew Afualo ｜ THE COMMENT SECTION EP 51
Summary
Nyjah Lee is a TikTok influencer, influencer and social media influencer. She has been on TikTok since she was a teenager and has been with her boyfriend for the past 5 years. In this episode, we talk about how she got started with TikTok, how she found TikTok and how she ended up becoming one of the biggest influencers on the platform.
Transcript
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In a lot of women and feminine-presenting people's experience,
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the male gaze is something that could be potentially dangerous.
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So, like, why do you think we want your attention so bad?
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Hey, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of the Comment Section Show
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I don't know if you realized I was following you a lot sooner than you may think.
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Like, I know as soon as I saw it, I freaked out.
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I think you didn't realize I was following you a lot sooner than I actually was.
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That's because even though I'm a TikToker, I do not be on TikTok like that.
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Like, I go, I post my little videos, and I dip.
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Like, I thought it was just a bunch of 12-year-olds doing dances.
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So I thought it was just, you know, kids on there doing little dances.
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And my girlfriend was like, girl, you cannot quit.
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Like, there's this whole new platform that's blowing up.
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Like, almost immediately after I started posting on TikTok.
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He literally told, I didn't really, I saw it and I was like, ah, too white, too young.
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But then he was like, during the pandemic, this is after I got fired.
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So the pandemic hit and then, like, we were all at home.
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So he was like, why don't you try posting stuff on TikTok?
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I just feel like maybe I'm too old for that app.
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Maybe it'll just be like a fun thing that you can do just for you.
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Sometimes I think to myself, like, if you ever, if you hate me being on there, blame him.
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And that's, I think that's so sweet, too, that your partner encouraged you to start posting, too.
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What's beautiful about that is that she saw the potential and she knew that you could
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You know what's funny, too, is this is after you and I became mutuals on TikTok.
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I always have nails and, like, glam girls because I'm always looking up, like, glam inspo, hair
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So that's, like, what populates my For You page.
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What's crazy is that people tell me all the time, like, oh, my God, I saw you on my Discover page
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today, like, oh, my God, I saw you on TikTok and I swear I forget that I'm an influencer.
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But no, like, I really, like, I put myself out there.
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Do you ever get men commenting on your stuff all the time or saying, putting in their two
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We all know the answer to my question for that.
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I get a lot of comments from men saying very interesting things.
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Like, when they can't find a legitimate reason to hate on you, they will just make things
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I think the most common one, the common ones, I get called like, oh, you look like a drag queen
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I feel like you just called me the baddest bitch in the room.
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And I think a lot of these men are like, when they hate on a woman for how she looks, I'm
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like, don't be mad that you can't have me, babe.
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I get, I get like, oh, like transphobic slurs or insults.
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Since we're commenting on looks, I'd love to partake.
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First, first the hairline and then we'll move on to the rest.
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We're a big, I'm a big fan of commenting on looks over here.
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When they say things like, oh, so like, cause men will make the most awful videos about me.
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Like they'll comment on every, like from hairline to toes.
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I have a great one on like them, but like from top to bottom, they'll comment on everything.
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And I make one comment and they're like, so you're into body shaming.
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You can call me all these names, all types of ugly, all types of this, that, and the
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But when I say you look like something cooked out of the chum bucket, then I'm doing too
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But that's another, it lends towards to like, it's just such a veiled, like, I'm so used to
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saying things like this and I can't handle when people say things back.
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That's someone who's never got their ass beat in their life.
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It's like people who just walk around and say the most terrible shit with no fear of consequence.
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I think I can remember the first time putting on makeup when I was like 10 years old.
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Like I snuck into my mom's bathroom and took like her eyeliner and lip gloss just as much
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I would bring it to school and put it on in the bathroom before class started.
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Not you trying to be a bad bitch in middle school.
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For me, makeup was just like another way to do art.
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And I think you finally getting the platform that you deserve for all the hard work you put
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Because, you know, as a, particularly as a black creator, we're very much used to not
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getting the same recognition as, let's say, you know, palm colored folks.
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And I think in a way I became accustomed to that.
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So like now that I'm getting these accolades, it almost has, there's, it almost comes with
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Like you feel like you don't deserve what you've earned.
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I didn't realize we were going to do therapy today.
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Well, I'm here to tell you if no one else tells you, I'm sure your partner tells you
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all the time and your followers, but you do absolutely deserve all the recognition that
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It's one of the few things that makes me emo when it comes to talking about it because
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women who look like us or other femme presenting people in general who look like us, they need
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That's why I'm, it's very few creators like yourself and there's very few creators like
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me who are able to have the platform to be able to like show us in a different light,
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There's other creators like who I think are coming onto the scene more frequently now,
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And that's a big part of the reason that, um, I got into like the influencer part of
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Like, even though I was always into, you know, hair and makeup, the influencing didn't come
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Um, well, the interest didn't come till later until when I was like 15, 16.
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Um, I remember seeing Jackie Aina on YouTube for the first time ever.
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She was the first black beauty guru I'd ever seen.
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And I was like, oh my God, like we could do this too.
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I watched her do a try on haul of the Mademoiselle, like, uh, lipsticks.
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So I saw her and I was like, that's incredible.
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And I used to watch her stuff all the time, even though I'm not a beauty girl.
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I know a lot about makeup, like for myself, but I can't beat my own face like this.
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Now I'm, I'm good at doing my own face, but it's very like boring to me.
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So she was like, uh, one of the first people I saw that I really, really like paid attention
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So fast forward to now and I got to meet her and she's amazing.
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She's just as amazing in real life as she seems online.
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I had like a very distinct memory of like hearing the two of your voices together.
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I put on, I put on your show like on the TV while I'm cleaning and stuff.
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So speaking of glam and being glam girls, uh, we're going to talk about today for our
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We're going to talk about removing ourself or removing yourself from the male gaze.
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We've talked about male and female gaze a little bit on the show already, but specifically talking
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about removing ourselves from it because obviously you're a glam girl.
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But, uh, I think that's the biggest step to like removing yourself from being a pygmy
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is removing yourself from the male gaze, like completely expelling it entirely.
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So what was that process like for you when you were going through it?
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But, um, I think it started when I was really young was when I first started to ask the question,
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like, why are girls expected to compete with each other for the attention of men?
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Like, that's, I think that's where you got to start is asking the question, like, what
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And I came from a very interesting family dynamic.
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And I was raised mostly with the black side of my family, right?
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Like, my mom, if she had anything going on, it was the aunties who would step in and help.
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Uh, it's very common in Latino culture for the men to be raised to be providers and the
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So what I noticed, despite, like, the difference in culture, is that either way, the women were
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And the older I got, the more I realized, like, there are married women, like, with husbands
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Why are we taught that, like, the formula to life is, you know, go to school, get a degree,
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And when that clicks, that's when you realize, like, damn, we're the prize.
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Like, it's the prize, the journey, the hero, all of it.
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So if women are the prize, then why do we have to seek the attention of men?
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Because believe it or not, even when you tell them, like, I'm not attracted to men, that
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Not just from pursuing you, but also, like, from commenting and, like, being entitled to
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your looks, to how you choose to express yourself, how you choose to, like, dress, how you choose
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to look, how you choose anything you do in life.
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Even when you're like, I don't care about men, like, at all.
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They're like, but still, why do you do that when I don't like it?
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I think it's just they really cannot believe it when a woman doesn't need a man.
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I just talked to my boyfriend about this literally yesterday.
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I forget why we were talking about it, but I was telling him, like, you know those videos
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where they go, they don't know that I know this.
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That's like me when I'm, like, male validation, like, the social currency with men is worthless.
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Like, if anything, all it gives me is a rash, bitch.
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It doesn't do anything for me because I don't need them to do anything.
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So the only thing they do is hold me back, if we're being honest, because they stand in
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They're like barriers that you have to overcome.
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So I always, like, I was telling my boyfriend, like, they don't know that I know this, but
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The way that you can, like, if you release it truly and unlearn it, like, rip it out
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You can live the happiest, most fulfilled life and not be with a man, not marry a man,
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Like, even if you're attracted to a man, you could be by yourself and live a wonderful,
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And I love this thing that I'm starting to see, like, women who are best friends starting
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to build households together, like, have kids together with no men involved, like, and
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Girl, I'm doing it regardless, but you should do it, too.
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I love, um, I just saw a TikTok the other day of this girl.
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She's like, oh, my, my girlfriend told me that she's never had anyone ask to ask her
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And then I saw all the comments were like, I'm never dating a man again.
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Like, just, like, the way that women are just so amazing.
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I'm talking about women who love women and women who stand up for women and feel empowered
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by women but understand, like, intersectionality and empathy.
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When you get women together, bitch, there is nothing we can't do.
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And that's what, uh, that's why I wanted to talk about this topic with you because I
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was telling Nyjah before this, I was like, you're such a glam bitch.
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And at the same time, like, it's not for men, which they always say.
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Anytime you get glam, you're feeling yourself, whatever it looks like, they're like, oh, men
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And it's almost like when they're like, they don't like this, it makes me want to do it
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I'll stack three more lashes if that's what it takes.
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They say that to me about lashes, nails, all that kind of stuff.
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First of all, why are y'all in women's business?
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It's like, it cannot be on your mind this much when you have no interest in it.
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Because even someone like you, who's literally like, I'm gay.
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They're like, but you still, you still shouldn't do that because I don't like that.
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They're like, you're gay, but like, but also, are you?
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Like, maybe you haven't been with the right man?
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I have never had a decent man hit on me ever, ever.
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When I'm like, oh, sorry, I have a girlfriend or no, I shouldn't be saying sorry, actually.
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And there's always like a disbelief, like, because I'm feminine, I must be doing it for the, to attract men.
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Just because I am not a mask lesbian doesn't mean I'm not a real lesbian.
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Like, to those men, like, what do you know about what a lesbian should look like, bitch?
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Well, and it's also like, what you looked up on Twitter is not how they all look, sound, or act.
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And that's the way they try to act like they understand, like they get it at all.
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I'm like, you don't even get straight women, let alone women.
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That's how I feel about that shit all the time when they're like, I would never date you.
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I think it's so absolutely asinine to think like, everyone around me is constantly performing for me.
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Just constantly concerned about what everyone else is doing because it could be.
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So, we're going to talk about removing ourselves from the male gaze, obviously.
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What we do here on the comment section is we bring videos that I was tagged in that are
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We're going to have a fun time and we're going to talk about it with Nigel Lee.
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So, this first video, it says, in this video, this is a mask presenting person and saying
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that 80% of their male friends disappeared after they cut their hair and came out.
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And their caption says, it's not too bad being out of the male gaze.
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I feel like the reason all those men disappeared is because, one, they weren't your friend.
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And when that interest went away, they're like, I'm good.
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Like, a guy can't be friends with a girl without having some kind of sexual interest in them?
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I truly believe that, like, maybe this is just me.
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Like, cisgendered heterosexual men cannot be friends, like, platonic friends with women
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without some kind of weirdness creeping in at some point or another.
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Unless they've just fully decided, I'm not attracted to that person at all, you know what
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In which case, they put them in a specific category, then they can be friends with them.
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But even then, they still sometimes, like, pursue relationship, like, activities with
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this person, even though they have no plans on wifing that person, being interested in them.
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And that's when women are like, do you not, like, are we not, like, a thing?
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And then they're like, I don't like you like that.
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That's why I said that kind of shit happens because men, like, are just incapable of not
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thinking with this head as opposed to this head.
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That is something I have never understood about.
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Maybe it's because I am not exposed to men like that.
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I have one brother who, thankfully, is not a piece of shit.
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So, like, when I hear about men like this from, like, my straight girlfriends, from the
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internet, I'm like, this is what y'all straight girls really go through?
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That's why I'm like, girl, it's a war zone out there.
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That's why I say I'm, like, my, the true, like, true fighters.
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They really are single girls who are attracted to men, unfortunately.
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I think, I genuinely think all the time, I'm like, it's exhausting having to exist around
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It's almost like that video where that girl was, like, she was hanging out with all men
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and she said, like, she had this, like, sudden fear that something could potentially happen
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They were like, this is why women shouldn't be allowed at boys' night.
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See, that is something that brings you back to the male gaze and, like, what it is we
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Because I feel like in a lot of women and feminine presenting people's experience, the male gaze
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is something that could be potentially dangerous.
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If you catch the wrong man's attention, it could really be a dangerous situation.
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So, like, why do you think we want your attention so bad?
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And that's, like, they get mad at us that we're afraid of them.
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One time, because, like, every, like, three to six months, a new guy will log on to TikTok.com
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and be like, has anyone ever thought about how Drew's probably a mean person?
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But men like that, like, one time some guy was like, this is why I think it's bad when
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she does whatever, same song and dance, but someone commented on it and was like, the
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power that she gives her followers is encouraging women to stand up for themselves against men.
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And then I thought to myself, do you hear what that says?
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Not you openly admitting that you're going to threaten, like, that you will threaten women
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with violence if they dare to stand against you in any way?
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I was like, I can't believe you wrote this out and you were like, can't believe her.
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No, he wrote it, re-read it, and was like, yeah, this will get her.
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Whenever they try to compare me to, like, that sentient peanut, I always think to myself, like,
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I hate that I knew what you were talking about.
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But the thing about me with that is that he encourages men to abuse women and to oppress
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Because that's going to stick in their brain forever, and they're not going to waste their
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time with scrubs anymore like you, and that's why you're mad.
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Because you're like, oh, they're going to find out I'm awful.
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Did you ever see that study that came out about, like, men being lonelier than ever because
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I'm like, I read that, and I was like, I'd like to think Drew had something to do with
00:27:35.120
I think, and it's also like what you said, how they're, like, cohabiting now with other
00:27:45.260
We're, like, seeking solid refuge with each other.
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And I say, you have no one to blame but yourself, men.
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Now it's time to go get personalities and develop empathy.
00:28:05.000
And that's why I think when they say that, like, nice, like, they don't want nice men
00:28:09.480
They're like, women are so entitled these days, whatever.
00:28:11.880
It's because, like, just being generally nice is, like, too big of an ask.
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Like, if you tell men, like, just, like, don't be awful.
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And, like, you could be the ugliest person on planet Earth.
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Hence the reason why they're like, some of you guys are garbage.
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And you can't even spell body fat, so that's the problem.
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And what's crazy is most of them are so unaccustomed to being nice and having empathy that when a woman is nice to them, they're like, oh, she wants me.
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I'm like, no, this is how you interact with people.
00:29:01.720
Sir, have you seen that trend when it's like that scary music playing in the background and it's like a girl going like, when your male guy friend is making that dead eye stare like he's going to lean in for a kiss.
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And it's like this horrible, suspenseful noise that she's going.
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And then the Jaws theme song in the background.
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And in the comment, the top comment literally said, like, no, babe, you're not attracted to me.
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You're just experiencing human connection for the first time.
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That's not predicated on sexual tension or anything like that.
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Because, like, she feels no sexual attraction towards him.
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But he automatically associates, like, empathy and care with, like, sexual attraction.
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And it's because most of you are stupid and women are not.
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And you're so emotionally stunted that it's hard for them to understand the difference.
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This is why the women are trying to give you guys the blueprint.
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Women are like, I just really would like if you did this, this, and this for me.
00:30:28.320
She's asking for, and I just can't decode what it is.
00:30:31.880
And she's like, I just want you to take out the trash, like, once a week.
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That would be really nice if you could remember to do that for me.
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Because if you do, it requires self-reflection.
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And a lot of times they don't want to unpack that.
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If you don't want to do it with girls, go to a therapist.
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Yeah, it's amazing what a little therapy can do for you.
00:31:12.160
This one says, you were an option and now you're not.
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And men do not have girls as friends that are not options.
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Yeah, I'm like, thank you for admitting it out loud, I guess.
00:31:30.900
Yeah, and that's, it's just like when you're young, like if you're like high school age or
00:31:35.340
something and you're friends with a dude, this has happened to me in the past, and they
00:31:39.620
admit that they like you and you're like, ooh, friend, brother.
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They either get upset or they just don't want to be your friend anymore.
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And I remember my first time ever that happening to me, he got a little too mouthy with me.
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No, actually, I was 13 because I was young from my grade.
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And then I told him, I literally told him, I'm like, I don't, I don't like you that
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He said that I was fucked up for like leading him on.
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And then eventually he's like, I don't think I can be friends with you.
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And I literally was like, I never want to, you were never my friend in the first place.
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If that's the only reason you became my friend, you were never my friend.
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I was like, also, I'm taller than you and I'm 13.
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Like, I personally have never had a male friend in my life, like for that same reason, like
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I'll meet a guy and I'm like, oh, he seems so nice.
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And then literally like within weeks, he's like, oh, so by the way.
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And I'm like, no, no, fat, no, no, ruin it, ruin it for everyone.
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That's how you're like, see, this is why with friends like that, who needs friends?
00:33:23.740
So this next comment says men generally like longer hair.
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You look like a lesbian after the haircut, not hating just facts.
00:33:39.840
She said she came out to her guy friends and cut her hair and then none of them wanted to
00:33:44.940
So first of all, why do we associate like more masculine women with.
00:33:57.560
Literally, it's a man-made invention like by white people.
00:34:01.120
And gender expression, it goes across many different, it's so different for everyone.
00:34:07.980
So like how you choose to express yourself, how you identify is very specific to the person
00:34:15.380
I feel like how someone expresses their gender, like that is their business and nobody else's.
00:34:25.880
I'm going to be over here though and doing whatever the hell I want.
00:34:48.720
I was like, you know, not much I can say back to that.
00:34:59.860
One time this guy wrote this terribly fat phobic comment on one of my videos.
00:35:03.780
And I went and like, naturally I go and look at what they look like and see if I want to
00:35:09.160
And so I go and I look and I see he has a girlfriend, right?
00:35:12.900
And I'm like, all right, I'm going to check with this bitch out.
00:35:36.700
Like, damn, you didn't like verify that before you decided to comment on this video?
00:35:40.260
After he wrote that back, I went and looked again because I'm just that kind of
00:35:52.080
I've told people before, I'm like, if they don't like my content in the sense that they
00:35:58.080
Humor is subjective to whatever you find funny, you find funny.
00:36:08.960
And also, what would you do if you found out your boyfriend was writing, I hate you, you
00:36:24.960
I'm like, the way that would, I'd be like, get out.
00:36:29.720
The unfortunate thing is that there are quite a few women who let things like that slide.
00:36:37.180
I'm all, they're like, he wouldn't say that to me.
00:36:40.080
So, first of all, your man spends a lot of free time looking at me.
00:36:49.660
You spend a lot of your free time looking at me, bitch.
00:36:52.980
You like when your man spends his free time looking at other women?
00:37:05.240
That's one of those things where pygmies fascinate me in a terrible way.
00:37:09.260
Because I think, I can't believe that you go your whole life without women.
00:37:22.580
And it's like, there's just sometimes you're like, I need my bitches.
00:37:29.420
Girl, if I didn't have my best friend, like, throw me off a cliff.
00:37:38.660
The way that there are just some things you need to talk to your girls about.
00:37:44.200
Especially as women in this society, especially.
00:37:49.960
So, there are some things, like, I'll talk to my boyfriend about.
00:37:54.500
And he's so empathetic and wonderful and amazing.
00:37:56.880
And he, he's so, and sometimes he goes, you should talk to your sister about that.
00:38:00.980
Because he understands there are blind spots he has that he can't really access.
00:38:09.280
He's like, sometimes he's like, you should call your sister.
00:38:11.960
Like, I can help as much as I can, but I think you should call her.
00:38:26.060
This last comment says, probably because of the self-absorption and vacuous air you assumed.
00:38:48.700
The way you, like, when you're trying to fill the word count on an essay.
00:39:01.920
First of all, she should be taking up more space.
00:39:10.600
They're just visitors, you know what I mean, to the world that she created, I assume.
00:39:29.900
Okay, so this next video is, this is a woman in this video, and she's saying one of the
00:39:36.560
funniest ways to explain the male gaze versus the female gaze to a man is to tell him most
00:39:45.600
She makes the point that women are attracted to Loki for his personality instead of just
00:39:52.320
That was actually how the male-female gaze was explained to me when I was on TikTok eons
00:39:58.260
ago at the very beginning, because I made my very first gym bro video.
00:40:08.600
The way I go in and check in on them, and I'm like, I just go in and destroy everything,
00:40:19.520
Yeah, I made my first gym bro video, and I talked about, we're not even going to get
00:40:24.940
into the male and female gaze, because they're too stupid to understand that.
00:40:35.880
Most men would assume that women are attracted to Thor because he's titties out on display.
00:40:43.340
And then Loki is who they're actually more attracted to because of his intellect.
00:40:48.500
And he's not ugly, but it holds more weight to be smart and funny and engaging and all
00:41:07.280
I'm like, yeah, it's like the intelligence, the sultriness.
00:41:12.300
It's also like he works smarter, not harder, in a sense.
00:41:16.700
And also like this whole like dated ideology that women are looking for someone who can
00:41:25.480
What are we, fighting off saber-toothed tigers, bitch?
00:41:31.220
Well, and they're like, what are you going to do when men attack you?
00:41:36.080
When other men attack me, yeah, I'm still going to hate you.
00:41:42.220
Like, either way, I don't know why you thought that was going to go somewhere else, but it's
00:41:51.480
All the world's problems can be linked to that.
00:41:58.440
This one says, it's presumptuous to assume that a man can't understand it.
00:42:12.620
Also, the way that they don't know the term sexist or sexism, they have no idea.
00:42:27.520
Which is so funny because there are many other, like, female identifying creators on TikTok that
00:42:37.140
I actually have never said that, but they just always assume that I say that because
00:42:44.720
So they're always like, oh, she must want them all to be gone.
00:42:59.420
Whether or not you fall off the face of the earth, I don't care, to be honest.
00:43:04.560
So sexism is oppression as no one's oppressing you by being mean to you.
00:43:08.220
I think the problem with that, though, is like, even if a woman is screaming from the
00:43:11.980
rooftops, like, I hate all men, y'all should disappear.
00:43:14.220
Like, yeah, that will never really affect men as a whole.
00:43:39.000
And there's no term for men being murdered because it doesn't happen.
00:43:43.460
And that's another reason why it's like women have every right to hate all men.
00:43:50.660
They've earned the stripes to be able to say, I don't trust any of you bitches.
00:43:58.120
They have every right to say that you have proven time and time again that you're horrible.
00:44:03.520
So why would they look at the world you've built?
00:44:09.040
And it's also misandry is a reaction to misogyny.
00:44:12.540
Misogyny is a structure and it's embedded period in different power structures all over the world.
00:44:19.680
And it's like that's why it's whenever you see like like recently there was like that state legislature that's trying to push forward like rules that representatives like in the house.
00:44:31.120
Like they work for the government that women are they have to wear things that cover their arms and 2023 bitch that's happening now.
00:44:41.160
They're they're debating why they think it makes sense that women have to dress appropriately.
00:44:50.300
Everything that's happening in this country and that's what you're worried about.
00:44:56.320
I don't want to talk about I don't want to talk about anything that matters.
00:45:10.520
They're representing they're they're representatives for like districts like they are is sitting in the house of representatives for their state legislature and they're debating why they don't want to wear a blazer.
00:45:26.520
These are the people that we have running shit.
00:45:28.700
And that's why it's like like the the the female representatives in the legislature are like, what?
00:45:43.580
What's crazy is there were so many activists when those abortion bans were presented like it's not going to stop here.
00:45:51.960
Well, and they're all like some some people were like, what?
00:45:55.400
But most people were like, we've known that this was coming for a while now.
00:46:00.060
Once 2016 happened, we've been now like we were just kind of waiting on it.
00:46:05.280
To be honest, there were lots of other things that happened, too, that were just as important as reproductive health as well.
00:46:10.520
Like all these anti-trans laws that were being passed at the same time.
00:46:13.840
It's like it's just a constant, never ending fight to prove you're worthy of existing exactly as you are to men.
00:46:27.480
And I said, and why do you think women are like, I don't know.
00:46:31.480
It's just like you're shocked that women are like, no, I hate them all.
00:46:40.700
Because there's always it's like that thing when they're like, you'll never truly be alone because there'll always be a white person in your business.
00:46:54.020
You'll always be surrounded by the opinions of people who don't care about you.
00:47:06.180
Listen, I know they're going to clip that and be like, see what she wants.
00:47:15.840
This one says, I simply get over this issue by not giving a shit what women want.
00:47:47.680
You're telling me some men don't give a shit what women want?
00:48:23.140
So, first of all, girl, that's my man and I'm going to stick beside him.
00:48:28.600
Well, also, like, toxic is another word they misuse constantly.
00:48:37.680
That's someone who's never been involved with somebody who's toxic.
00:48:40.600
And also, men are some of the most toxic people in the world.
00:48:59.300
Like, the way that he was acting in the very first one, the way he was so full of himself
00:49:16.380
Just because he was supposed to be, like, the hero of the story doesn't make him less
00:49:20.000
He was an awful human being in the beginning, in the first couple of Thor movies.
00:49:44.800
This last one says, Jesus, can we stop gender wars already?
00:49:53.360
I think it starts with an M and ends with an N.
00:50:00.980
The gender wars they're talking about is, like, men say something awful and then women
00:50:07.380
And then they're, like, why can't we just stop these wars?
00:50:16.920
And when we respond to it, they're, like, hey, whoa.
00:50:30.540
And I'm, like, I beg to differ because men are some of the softest people on the internet
00:50:37.160
Because, like, if you don't believe me, look up my name and look at the men who stitch
00:50:41.960
me and tell me that that's not the softest bitch you've ever seen in your life.
00:50:45.340
They stitch my stuff and they're, like, this is why you can't.
00:50:56.580
Like, I say the most, like, ridiculous, silly things.
00:51:04.800
Or, like, crying in a corner in the fetal position.
00:51:16.780
And that's why it's, like, it's crazy to see the ripple it has because it's, like, that's
00:51:23.120
their very first time experiencing any sort of consequence for their actions for the things
00:51:29.660
And they're, like, they're so stunned they don't know what to do.
00:51:33.260
So, they, like, they short circuit almost immediately.
00:51:35.940
I think it often comes back to, like, who's raising them?
00:51:47.020
Some people have said, like, they've said that about me.
00:51:57.240
My parents have known I was mean since I was born, first of all.
00:52:00.200
Second of all, my parents tell me to be meaner.
00:52:06.680
Because it's me standing up for others or myself.
00:52:09.900
And yours is just attacking people for no reason.
00:52:12.620
I, like, that's, like, the simplest way to describe my content.
00:52:15.120
And they're always, like, no, I still hate you.
00:52:19.220
You're, like, I'm out here fulfilling my purpose.
00:52:21.800
You're at home with Dorito crumbs on your chest.
00:52:32.060
I've never had a single bad bitch have a problem with me.
00:52:36.360
Hot people don't waste their time doing shit like that.
00:52:40.600
And it's also a very, like, it's a very short, like,
00:52:50.160
Well, because she said something I didn't like.
00:52:52.780
The part where I'm being misogynist is, like, you're a misogynist.
00:53:00.440
Like, sometimes they'll write me a dissertation.
00:53:08.140
You can very easily just be, like, well, I hate women
00:53:10.140
because they don't love me the way I feel like they should.
00:53:16.280
And if we unpack that, you're going to have to pay me
00:53:30.540
And in a very strange but serious note, one of the things they tell me is, like,
00:53:36.560
oh, you don't care about all the problems that men suffer at the hands of patriarchy.
00:53:40.580
And I'm like, you don't care what men suffer at the hands of patriarchy
00:53:48.000
What you don't realize is that the patriarchy hurts all of us.
00:53:51.420
Like, it holds all of us down, especially women.
00:53:54.620
And we don't even factor in gender identification, sexuality, race.
00:54:00.500
Because intersectional feminism is much different and more important than just white feminism.
00:54:06.680
So, if you take all of those pieces off the table, you don't even realize how much it hurts you as well.
00:54:12.440
Because sometimes I'll have men be like, you don't care about men's, like, suicide rates.
00:54:18.260
And I actually, I was like, this is, like, something I recently learned.
00:54:22.060
But, like, statistically speaking, women attempt far more than men do.
00:54:26.680
However, women are empathetic to the very, very end.
00:54:30.780
So, what they think about is, like, what if somebody finds me?
00:54:33.340
So, what they do is they prioritize the feelings of the people who may or may not find them.
00:54:41.780
Which is why they don't succeed nearly as often.
00:54:44.080
Men succeed far more often because, at that point, they don't care how it happens.
00:54:49.320
Women are still, still at the brink thinking about others.
00:54:55.740
When I found that out, I was like, are you kidding me?
00:54:58.320
And it's true because it's very, like, it's awful no matter what.
00:55:01.680
But if you really, really cared, you would know that.
00:55:06.100
And you would do everything within your power to rip out toxic masculinity from the very, very root because that's why that happens.
00:55:14.280
Like, they're experiencing all this pressure and all this external standards and all these terrible things they cannot control.
00:55:20.160
And I feel like that contributes to their, like, you know, desire to not want to be here anymore.
00:55:25.880
And that's, like, one of those awful things you can't control.
00:55:27.800
However, if you really cared about men suffering like that, then you would help me.
00:55:37.500
What gets me is these men, they're like, oh, we suffer from patriarchy too.
00:55:40.900
It's like, y'all have the power to do something about it.
00:55:48.380
It starts by unpacking these misogynistic habits that you have.
00:55:52.540
And I promise it's easier than you think it is.
00:56:03.800
It all starts with the first, you know, first step.
00:56:08.060
So, we ended on a little bit of a serious note.
00:56:10.840
But, before we go, what is it that you want everybody to know when it comes to, like,
00:56:15.880
working on unpacking your internalized massaging, removing yourself from the male gaze entirely?
00:56:25.260
I feel like, if it was one thing I can, if we can do it, bitch, you can do it.
00:56:37.320
Something that I struggle with, like, all the time.
00:56:40.740
And as far as, like, my journey to, like, stepping away from the male gaze, all that
00:56:55.940
And once you start, you're like, oh, my God, that shit didn't make sense to begin with.
00:57:01.760
You're going to taste freedom, and you're going to be like, oh, my God.
00:57:11.020
It's like, also, those videos, I don't know if you ever saw them on TikTok.
00:57:14.440
They were pretty big for a while, but they were, like, when I was dressing for men versus
00:57:29.060
They look so much happier, healthier, fulfilled.
00:57:32.320
And just remember, like, how much better it feels when a woman compliments you versus
00:57:38.960
I was just telling your team back here, like, when a man compliments me, it feels like a
00:57:44.320
But when a woman compliments me, I'm like, oh, my God, I'm the baddest bitch in town.
00:57:54.000
Because, like, that's why I said, they don't walk around handing those out a lot.
00:57:57.880
So when you get them from women, you're like, ooh, bitch, I'm killing it today.
00:58:05.260
You ever, like, walk past a group of women and you hear them whispering, like, oh, my
00:58:18.880
Women and femmes, they make the world go around, I'm telling you.
00:58:32.860
But I just want to say thank you to Nijalee for coming on this episode of the comment section
00:58:43.580
For those of you who haven't already, please go follow Nijalee.
00:58:47.700
Um, my at is TheGlamNijia across all platforms.
00:58:58.980
Ignore all the fake pages because there's so many.
00:59:02.440
And we'll have all her handles linked and everything, too.
00:59:08.960
For those of you who want to watch full episodes of the comment section show, they drop every
00:59:12.520
Wednesday on the Past Your Bedtime YouTube channel.
00:59:16.800
And you can also stream every episode on all streaming platforms.