The Comment Section with Drew Afualo

00:00:00.000 they swab me and they go they like jam it up my nose and i'm like gorgeous wrong hole um five

00:00:08.700 minutes later it's positive i just start bawling because i'm like i was talking to everyone so

00:00:14.240 breathing i'm a fucking super spreader oh my god everyone's gonna die because of me

00:00:21.440 hi everyone and welcome back to another episode of the comment section show sorry me your fave

00:00:31.900 everybody knows me who cares about me on to the guest today we have another iconic all-stars

00:00:37.960 episode he's already coughing into the mic that's so gross thanks a lot oh the one and only he has

00:00:44.900 come back and he's better than ever mr chris olsen hello high studio audience thank you guys for

00:00:54.000 coming welcome back king oh my god we've just been i feel like we had a podcast episode we did we were

00:00:59.340 keying for an hour before this yeah we were yapping we have more than enough yap in the two of us so

00:01:04.200 yappy girls so much especially after the year we've been through girl two well-rested recently

00:01:10.360 on breaks tweens we have that we have tweens we're both 17 we have the glow of people who have

00:01:17.180 taken breaks girl on the internet i you text me when i took my break and you were saying that was

00:01:22.460 the best thing you could have done for yourself how have you been feeling since the break a little

00:01:26.020 better everyone still wants to call me ugly but i feel pretty it's okay me too yeah right right which

00:01:32.600 as i was saying to you like when someone calls me ugly for some reason our lord and savior decided to

00:01:39.580 not let that affect me that much right when someone calls me ugly i'm just kind of like is that the

00:01:43.480 worst that's the most you got you're telling baby i'm happy when i look in the mirror and that's what

00:01:49.240 matters and that's what matters also to most of you who are calling me ugly especially some of maybe

00:01:55.840 the other gay men say it to my face he said twin twin or do you want to kiss because i probably don't

00:02:03.280 want you me both and i told chris when he told me that in the dressing room i was like oh why not

00:02:06.960 when they tell me that i go liar period you fucking period i'm not what i may be a lot of things but i

00:02:13.160 am not ugly right i know that for a fact i'm also like okay yeah i got some bad days i got some bad

00:02:18.100 and you're not bad glam bots well thank you actually you were like you knew where i was going with that

00:02:23.300 and you were like let's hold it back actually if i and if i am okay what what is that gonna and now

00:02:30.160 what great i'm fucking ugly now what what do you want to do about this what should we do now

00:02:34.660 why is this so upsetting to you right what what does this say about you because it actually doesn't

00:02:39.300 say much about me you're the one who's so upset by my ugliness that you want to talk about it and

00:02:44.200 you want to say that it makes you want to vomit like the people who just want to like rip their eyes

00:02:49.480 out every time they see one of my glam bots you care about my glam bot more than i do girl get into

00:02:54.600 it also thank you for making five million compilations of it i end up on every single one

00:02:59.280 maybe it's the worst but my glam bots have gone viral and can i tell you something when they were

00:03:05.300 when you were posting about your glam bot because i didn't see any hay videos about you right about

00:03:09.540 the glam bot specifically i didn't see any and then i thought well maybe he did a glam bot i didn't see

00:03:13.880 because the one i saw i thought was awesome thank you thank you okay body t body is he body t served

00:03:19.940 sorry house down i'm sorry i love a giggle from video village i've had i've had a good time i said

00:03:28.420 this in a comment response i was like i enjoy all of my glam bots i've had fun making them they're fun

00:03:34.900 there was a moment during the shirtless one when a lot of people were really attacking me but then i

00:03:41.840 would always click on their profile and see what they looked like i'd get mad too yeah if i look like

00:03:48.100 that and then i saw your glam bot i get mad too yeah yes but you know what i always do i might not

00:03:53.900 do it this year because i think i have to stop giving so much meaning or power to these people

00:03:59.200 but anytime i see someone make a hate comment of me i screenshot the comment i screenshot their page

00:04:04.860 and then i screenshot anything else i can find so if they ever make it big i have it i have it well

00:04:13.580 one of these people one of the the the top comment on that like the opening the jacket um glam bot was

00:04:20.800 like someone needs to humble this like a gremlin or something like that clicked on him who's a

00:04:28.980 gremlin second of all looking in a mirror yeah right second of all his bio was like works in pr i was

00:04:38.580 like goddamn who the fuck are your clients i'm scared for them i'm scared for them also like

00:04:44.360 yeah and this is he's using his public page his name was adam don't sign with adam if you work

00:04:49.420 in pr adam and adam i maybe you have a lot of power in my mind because i think about you all the time

00:04:55.760 and i wish you the worst okay because if that's what you're putting out into the world right based

00:05:00.400 on a glam bot okay anyway i felt bad about it for a second but at the end of the day now i'm just kind

00:05:05.380 of like giving it a gag you're gonna hate it every time that's what i'm gonna do on this one like okay

00:05:10.980 you have to it is a fucking slow-mo glam camera yeah and all of you are trying to burn me at the

00:05:19.320 stake for something you thought it was just not cute enough you're mentally ill right and so am i

00:05:24.940 yeah i like the way i'm mentally ill versus yours that's a scary one mine's different okay and try to get

00:05:31.920 into therapy right but also yeah also i can say too i've never done the glam bot but obviously i've

00:05:37.460 been to many carpets where i've seen get in front of that camera baby oh girl they give me i told you

00:05:42.420 they give me a vest and they tell me to start valeting cars when i get there i will say the line's too

00:05:48.260 long honestly and honestly i've i'm late every time so that's why i miss i miss the window you you're

00:05:53.620 doing your glam right you're getting the glam perfect i will say for um little tiktokers like us

00:06:01.440 for little little tiny tiny girls um they we get one shot that's they they are moving you along yeah

00:06:09.240 cole and i know each other a little bit now because he has seen every time one of these pops

00:06:14.360 for the wrong reasons um so i think if i begged for it he would give me another shot but i just don't

00:06:21.160 care enough no they're they're very one and done with us right they really are and i my point in

00:06:26.040 saying that is the glam bot is very intimidating uh-huh and she moves fast as fuck and then they're

00:06:33.340 like so fast and then they're like all right go back to fucking serving trays thank you go pick up an

00:06:38.080 hors d'oeuvre tray and get to work right like as soon as you do your thing they're like okay put this

00:06:42.140 badge on yes people know not to shoot yeah go ahead okay bottom climb back down the stairs i've never

00:06:48.240 done one though i've never done like that i'm honestly kind of i'm honestly kind of afraid

00:06:52.160 i think you would eat the fuck down i hope so also my first one people were nice okay when when you do

00:06:59.300 your first one it's a win for the culture as soon as you've done your seventh or eighth yeah like get

00:07:04.320 the cover screen right you know what i mean it's like god we've seen this bottom glam bot too many

00:07:10.860 times what's next position 28 or something like put the legs in the air i'll say speaking of glam

00:07:17.000 but we were both at the golden globes we were we were and we had a time we did i was so glad to see

00:07:23.080 oh my gosh that's my girl that's my sister that's my blood that's my girl we were talking this morning

00:07:29.840 no we weren't but i met that was crazy yeah which i said to her as well which it was crazy that i was

00:07:37.140 even able to like get out all of my words in a in a relatively normal fashion i was speaking so

00:07:43.260 quickly but i was i said basically all of the things i would have wanted to say in a two-minute

00:07:48.600 interaction with one kind of little stray but that was okay but i told her i was like you have been in

00:07:54.660 my life for basically my whole life yeah because she's been my girl i was a victorious girl i was a

00:08:01.240 13 the musical girl i was when she first sang when she was starting to go into music she did like a

00:08:07.380 christmas concert and sang all i want for christmas is you and i remember having that youtube video on

00:08:12.980 repeat and she was still in her red half up half down here like it was very much victorious

00:08:18.200 transferring into into yours truly area right this is my girl right this is my girl yeah and then i'm

00:08:26.980 so glad i was introduced to her in the era that she's currently in yeah the like returning to her

00:08:32.140 theater roots era the wicked era she seems so happy she seems so healed yeah i know a lot of the time

00:08:38.580 people's like criticism of what's happening now is she's so different she's changed i hope we all

00:08:44.560 change and are always changing like if she were the same y'all would say it's getting old if she

00:08:50.280 didn't change enough that actually that's i was about to repeat myself but because she's changed

00:08:55.800 also all of that content all of that music from that era is available for your consumption go watch it

00:09:03.260 for real if that's your favorite era listen to the music it's also a very painful time in her life

00:09:08.580 art that people love which is like beautiful for you right traumatizing for her right which is i i

00:09:14.260 always think i'm like she's been through a lot so much like publicly publicly horrifying and i know

00:09:21.360 she's a cancer right man i can't imagine it and i'm a capricorn like cynthia yeah so we had that

00:09:27.120 connection immediately yeah i'm saying like god is like oh and she's thought about me ever since

00:09:33.140 and i guarantee she'll never forget me no i mean but that's me with everyone and she'll never forget

00:09:38.580 well i brought up how when i went to the honeymoon tour like 10 years ago she did an opt-up while she

00:09:48.400 was singing tattooed heart that night and i've never found a video of her doing the same opt-up and i was

00:09:54.440 recording it and so i brought that up during our interaction and that one like really shocked her

00:09:59.660 and she was like you're hardcore and i i walked away from that being like that was a little random of me

00:10:04.680 but i do think it was memorable i do think it because that was weird and a little creepy but

00:10:11.620 more than anything she'll never forget at the end of the day i i if i run into her again i'll say

00:10:16.720 tattooed hard opt-up mama i remember you freak but i i i was like i'm glad i said something kind

00:10:25.280 of like that because i'm sure she's heard wicked was amazing and i'm a theater kid all every day

00:10:29.600 because because it is and like and and i think all theater kids are kind of living for that moment but

00:10:35.500 i it was just a very full circle moment because i really have loved her forever and

00:10:44.020 that's how i felt about meeting beyonce when i met her that's how i felt because she's been in my

00:10:49.580 life and i'm also 100 years older than you chris i know you shut the fuck up shut the fuck up we're

00:10:55.060 like one year apart honey we are not yes how old are you 27 girl i'm gonna be 30 okay i'm three years

00:11:00.860 older than you right babe exactly no but whatever but did you get words out for beyonce not enough

00:11:07.780 well and what could you like it girl what did you say do you remember yeah of course i remember the

00:11:13.020 entire thing i feel like i'm the only person who remembers because like it was me britney alicia

00:11:17.400 and delaney everyone else blacked out yeah yeah and then all of beyonce's team and i remember i

00:11:22.700 remember when we went in and she introduced herself she was like you look so good and i said

00:11:28.280 thank you so much beyonce beyonce that means a lot to me thank you thank you so much beyonce

00:11:34.140 beyonce knows called her thank you beyonce i was so overwhelmed because i really did not think i was

00:11:39.020 going to meet her at all like we kept saying there's no way when i go in there they're going

00:11:43.060 to pull a lever and a trap door is going to open and that would have been fine or it's going to be

00:11:46.700 an imposter it's going to be like a really good impersonator or they're going to tell me to start

00:11:50.840 serving again i don't know yeah right and i was cool with it either way yeah sure but she was in

00:11:54.640 there just waiting for us and then fucked up i know and i i talked a lot for britney because

00:11:59.340 britney was really overwhelmed too so i told britney like tell her you're from houston like you guys

00:12:03.580 are from houston teller thank god for thank god you had each other i know we think about it we talk

00:12:08.160 about it all the time we're like oh thank god i could have never done it alone like and i was and

00:12:12.200 it was so random and everything but that's how i felt and i wish i got to tell her what i really

00:12:17.040 wanted to tell her which is when i was in college and lemonade came out only on title i um didn't have

00:12:22.920 title money i was still listening to pandora with ads so i literally overdrafted my bank account so i

00:12:28.460 could listen to lemonade and i was in the red for a while yeah and i was like it's only like 25

00:12:33.320 dollars right didn't matter i had no money but i did and i was like i would go in the red for you

00:12:36.800 any day any fucking day any day if you told me to kill myself in front of you i would that's what

00:12:41.520 i wanted to say i'm glad i didn't yeah that's what i wanted to say but you got some good words out

00:12:45.900 yeah yeah i just told her i i hope you're you're just incredible i've looked up to you my entire life

00:12:50.940 i never thought we would ever cross paths it's so hard because like just what do you say

00:12:55.880 girl to her one that you feel like is maybe a little different than what other people have

00:13:01.800 heard but two that like feels as meaningful for you as it could to have some meaning to say to her

00:13:09.500 because beyonce is a crazy one beyonce is a crazy one i i like half met her when we were at the um

00:13:16.760 i heart awards with megan yes and megan and i were walking down the hallway who we love we both

00:13:22.280 are sister wives of megan trainer yeah and i will defend her down me too i'll defend her harder

00:13:27.700 than i'll defend myself someone can be like you're fucking ugly and i wish you were dead and i'll be

00:13:32.180 like okay and then they'll be like and megan too and i'll be you said send me an address send me an

00:13:37.860 address immediately yeah drop your location immediately i hate it gets me more angry when

00:13:42.340 people say shit about her i agree regardless of like what it is because i'm like y'all are fucking

00:13:47.720 miserable and she makes little self-love bops and and you're mad and you're like

00:13:54.100 like oh my god like she literally she is the cutest kids in the world yeah makes some self-love

00:14:02.080 bops and just wants to chill at home with her family i have said this to everyone i'm like she's

00:14:06.300 one of the nicest celebrities i've ever truly the best and just wants you to like yeah like

00:14:11.400 immediately as a friend yeah like if we like called her i know she's not home right now but if she

00:14:16.420 were home and we were like hey what are you doing she'd be like come over to the boat like she

00:14:20.600 she wants she just loves she loves people yeah and that's why she's been as famous as she's as long

00:14:27.060 as she's and she wants people to love people she wants people like that is why i hate when people are

00:14:32.800 also like all she does is make songs about the same thing about loving yourself bitch because all of

00:14:38.380 you hate yourselves and she keeps me like hey maybe what if you thought you were an icon and y'all are

00:14:45.080 like wow you should kill your dog and also like you don't need to listen to it you don't and when

00:14:50.040 i went to her show we went to the same show her her closing show at the forum but we missed each

00:14:54.740 other yeah we barely missed each other but oh well you were clocked in you were working girl i wasn't

00:14:58.680 working a little bit and i came on that stage i i saw her i know it was so sweet oh my god we'll get

00:15:04.540 into that we'll talk about that but um when i she asked me if i wanted to come i was like i would

00:15:09.260 love to but i'm i'm hanging out with family and i i know i don't want to ask for too many tickets

00:15:13.120 she said how many do you need and i said 10 and then she goes perfect and i go well shit

00:15:19.040 and i i guarantee you too if she had like hit the limit of like comps that night yeah she would

00:15:25.760 just text her team back like okay how many do we need to buy like she would she would have bought

00:15:30.680 them for her own show for you she's just that amazing i know and i and i brought my whole family

00:15:37.140 my fucking cavalry i brought everybody she let us all go backstage and then she took pictures with

00:15:43.040 everyone like she's the night and also i went on tour and you've been on tour that shit is fucking

00:15:47.980 hard hard especially that was her last show yeah and an la show and that many pictures and stuff

00:15:53.760 after the show you're great and she worked way harder than me on tour i wasn't dancing she was

00:15:59.220 getting it was 90 minutes no break girl i was sitting like this for an hour and then i was like

00:16:04.420 oh i'm exhausted i know when i got off the stage i know she's dancing around running everywhere and

00:16:09.480 meeting a thousand people after she's crazy and she's always like that though too i remember

00:16:12.820 really early on in our friendship i was like do you ever get tired of all of this like people are

00:16:17.480 asking even when we were at her house like making some tiktoks yeah her managers her team are asking

00:16:23.220 her questions or like asking her to get this thing done non-stop it's like a full day and she's like

00:16:30.080 oh no like she just kind of she believes her music which is like self-love and gratitude and loving

00:16:36.840 life yeah well of course she gets insecure people have been tearing her up for years about the

00:16:42.360 craziest of things from her early 20s till now yeah i mean bass came out when she was like 19 yeah and

00:16:48.620 people continue to call her a one-hit wonder when it's like okay and then you're singing the five

00:16:53.740 other songs from the album after that that were amazing right and then if you ever go to her house which

00:16:57.900 none of you will ever be lucky to a lot of you won't be lucky to but we have and in one of her

00:17:02.220 bathrooms the entire all of the walls are covered in every hit she's ever written for other fucking

00:17:08.220 people yes exactly she's been working her ass off for years i say that all the time i'm like i'm a

00:17:12.320 megan trainer stand till i die bitch don't give a fuck yeah you know what's funny is a lot of someone

00:17:16.580 people love her like they love megan trainer because she's a vocalist like that bitch is talented like

00:17:22.660 perfect pitch right perfect that's what i'm saying she's unbelievably talented and so nice

00:17:27.760 yes and i've watched her build a song before one she can write a song in like 30 minutes i believe

00:17:33.000 she has a notes app full of words or phrases that are a song idea and she's like oh today is um i'll

00:17:40.660 just use me too as the example yeah today is uh if i would do i want i would want to be me too

00:17:45.480 and then um she just can put it together and not only like write it she's layering her vocals it's kind

00:17:52.940 of like similar to the way there's a viral video of ariana putting together all these

00:17:57.680 her vocals for positions yeah and they're obviously two very different artists and make different art

00:18:02.480 but they're both very similar with that kind of vocal work ethic they know exactly how to cut their

00:18:08.500 vocals and she has a computer in her recording studio to do it as because she's like i know how

00:18:13.800 to cut my vocals faster than anyone else but people don't care to look into that process

00:18:19.420 from her all the time so they say her songs sound the same and she's annoying and it's like okay

00:18:24.560 great she is still living observation i appreciate that she's still living in the most gorgeous house

00:18:30.060 in the world with also a beautiful family who and a husband who will die for her yeah she has more

00:18:36.500 than most like most people will ever have in her life and that's not based on money yeah that's based

00:18:41.040 on the love she has in her life and it's like it really is beautiful um and i like that your working

00:18:46.440 relationship turned into a real relationship truly i love that well that's because as we said like

00:18:51.280 from day one i when i pulled up to that house her whole family was waiting on the front step for me

00:18:58.120 hello i was like hello i know i was really overwhelmed with how sweet and inviting all of

00:19:07.600 them were in a wonderful way everyone and when we did the music video right we were both in her music

00:19:13.600 video made you look yes shall we tell the story of what happened that day yeah i would love to i would

00:19:19.760 love to you go first oh my god okay so made you look music video supposed to be one day supposed

00:19:26.360 to be a one day shoot gorgeous house on the hills yeah you me remy vader jojo siwa who else was there

00:19:32.360 oh i think there was a few other people yes obviously megan her whole family yeah there's someone i'm

00:19:37.480 forgetting but it was it was like basically all her friends yeah a lot of dancers um it like really

00:19:45.680 really fun concept yeah we pull up to the house one as soon as we enter yeah it's really hot in this

00:19:53.280 house and it's also during a heat wave and yeah like peak summer i'm pretty sure it was about 110

00:19:58.160 degrees outside yeah and then 150 inside yes because they had the ac blasting broken yeah it was broken so

00:20:06.360 it was just fans which ultimately i think we're just like moving the hot air between all of us a

00:20:12.220 little faster and so we're all there just kind of sweating and we're like wow this is perfect yeah

00:20:17.220 this is so great i'm having so much fun yeah but at the end of the day it's a music video shoot yeah

00:20:20.980 i think that was probably my first music video shoot i i'd ever been on i don't know about you and

00:20:25.600 so i was like okay crazy but like i'm excited same you could tell megan was a little stressed but

00:20:31.060 like i think on any shoot day no matter how perfect now that i've done a few music videos with her

00:20:35.200 even just being there i'm like yeah music video is stressful to do because usually you only have

00:20:38.660 one or two days yeah and this one was one day yeah and it's around the time that there was no like

00:20:45.060 covid flare-up but we were still doing testing just in case at the start of every shoot yeah and so

00:20:50.600 everyone gets tested but because it's not a flare-up and everyone was testing negative it was like do

00:20:56.120 your test and then head inside yeah and um we'll just handle the rest of it out here i'm talking with

00:21:01.580 the girls we're all hanging out we're like it's a little hot in here but it's gorgeous we're talk

00:21:06.700 talk talking yep yep yapping breathing yeah on each other i get a call from one of megan's managers

00:21:13.340 hey chris can you come outside really quick oh my god sure i would love to i would love to go outside

00:21:17.900 go outside your test came back um inconclusive and then they ran it again and it's positive so it's

00:21:24.920 probably a mistake we're just going to test you again mind you it's my first music video shoot so i'm

00:21:29.540 like oh my god well i want to be here but got it also i had seen megan i could tell she was stressed

00:21:35.960 um i so i go back out then they swab me and they go they like jam it up my nose and i'm like

00:21:44.520 gorgeous wrong hole um and so they put it up test it five minutes later it's positive i just start

00:21:52.780 bawling because i'm like i was talking to everyone so close breathing super spreader oh my god

00:22:01.180 everyone's gonna die because of me i'm like crying um her her manager who like i was still relatively new

00:22:08.420 in that relationship was like it's okay you're gonna be okay yeah he's like it's gonna be all

00:22:14.380 right stand back yes it's gonna be all right scott hoeing from the pentatonix is showing up

00:22:18.920 right as i get this and he's walking past and he's like hi are you i'm like stay away from me

00:22:25.140 i know i'll kill you i'm like literally sobbing i i have my mask on i'm driving home um and then i get

00:22:33.120 a call from megan and like midway through the day and she's like are you okay i just heard about

00:22:38.600 everything and i'm like i'm so sorry everyone everything she's like bitch no everything has

00:22:43.080 already been ruined before you even hear the ac isn't working everyone is sweating so hard and

00:22:47.660 then the director just called me a diva and like stormed out or something like that well you know

00:22:52.320 what's crazy is when i was filming my scenes with remy and all the other girls like megan was like

00:22:58.140 she's a very hands-on artist so she's involved in every single aspect of it which i love yes and

00:23:03.380 she's like watching the playbacks and she's like i don't like what that looks like like i want you to

00:23:07.340 show them all individually i want you to and she takes the camera and she's panning it yes and she's

00:23:11.980 going this is how i want you to do it and then she goes also this poster is crooked can someone

00:23:15.780 please move this right and she's taking it down and she's moving she's doing props she's doing

00:23:19.780 costumes yes she's doing everything and then she's doing direction producing yeah and then at one point

00:23:24.460 when she's moving so she goes no it's okay i'll fucking do it in this dress i'll do it if someone

00:23:28.560 could help me because she's in like the time the tightest dress alive yeah is the singer of the song

00:23:34.620 and that made me laugh when she said no it's fine i'll fucking do it it's okay that made me laugh i laughed

00:23:40.040 and that made other girls laugh but the crew which is mostly men they were like annoyed at her right

00:23:46.060 but i'm like she's it's her video also we're all like everyone was fucking hot and yeah and it was

00:23:51.560 she's like it's also so hot in here and everything and i text her after i left after i finished my scene

00:23:56.260 yeah i text her when i left i said hey thank you so much because i brought my whole family

00:23:59.800 um because we were going straight to the airport after because i had to fly to florida for work

00:24:03.820 so i was like hey i'm so sorry bitch yeah well it was for playlist live

00:24:08.260 hot yes yeah it's like i text her and she she texts me back this long thing and she's like i'm

00:24:15.940 so sorry that like it was so unorganized and it was so hot i'm so sorry and she was like i've been

00:24:21.140 crying about it i just feel so embarrassed yeah and i felt so bad and i told her honestly she goes

00:24:25.500 i'm sorry you saw me that way and i told her girl i watched i watched a celebrity who loves her shit

00:24:32.080 and cares about people working yeah and being in hot conditions she's trying to get everybody out

00:24:35.920 and i said i saw her yelling at other at grown men i thought that shit was funny that you're like

00:24:40.920 that was my dream yeah i told her girl i said i've never had more respect for you in my life i was

00:24:44.460 horny in there like that was perfect i said hey you got a fan in me yes yes and at the end of the day

00:24:49.820 like we've seen videos of beyonce directing her videos of so many oh yeah pop star women in power

00:24:57.160 doing these videos and like being assertive and i can't stress this enough she was never rude

00:25:03.180 no never because she never has been no like maybe in her entire life no she i think of her the same

00:25:08.720 way thing of you which is i think you guys need to be ruder i think you guys need to be meaner

00:25:12.100 sometimes and sometimes that's the truth i tried being in a clapback era for a second and i ended up

00:25:17.220 crying on the internet like i know we're not all built for it it's tough yeah if i could like get a

00:25:22.800 little bit of you and me sometimes i'd be like okay maybe i can manifest that energy but i really

00:25:29.040 don't have it in me which i think like i think sometimes people when they're antagonizing me

00:25:34.760 wish i did a little bit like they want me to get mad yeah but at the end of the day i'm a crier

00:25:39.260 yeah well that's probably right because you're like they're like well now you're making me feel bad

00:25:42.920 right for being mean to you yeah oh i didn't know you ruined it i didn't think you were gonna see

00:25:47.280 this oh man okay i'm sorry like well speaking of megan let's talk about tour i would love to hear

00:25:54.980 about how it was on tour with megan and your tour let's hear about it she's done her research

00:25:59.700 of course i have i'm going on i know all about club chris are you kidding me period um you have

00:26:04.960 to come to the tour you must please um and i've given ryan dating advice 10 tickets put me down for

00:26:10.460 10 i'll get them all yeah i'll get them plus 10 um ryan dating advice well it worked he has a

00:26:15.100 girlfriend we're so happy i know oh my god you're so welcome ryan trainer so yes just kidding i had

00:26:19.680 nothing to do with this you're welcome right i know i love her um no i do i do we it's a running

00:26:25.500 joke it's like oh she sucks um no she's great uh whatever her name is ryan is the best i can't wait

00:26:32.800 to go on tour with him but going on tour with megan is the only reason i feel like i could do a tour on

00:26:38.620 my own at all and it really wasn't there it's it's a lot the criticism i see of the tour is people

00:26:44.760 being like oh well he's just using this now that he has club chris and he's gonna make a lot of money

00:26:49.080 i need people to figure out the economics of what going on a tour is girl there there is no money

00:26:54.480 to be made no unless you're taylor swift exactly or your beyonce unless you're taylor beyonce ariana

00:27:00.020 harry we're not making up money on these tours oh no girl we're in the red most times right exactly

00:27:04.740 you do it because you love what you do and because you want to meet people in other parts of the

00:27:09.600 country exactly i am doing this because i love it and because live nation was like

00:27:13.020 we think we can scrape together 20 for this if you want to put on a tour i was like oh okay

00:27:18.420 well i guess i can do that yeah every time i've pitched an idea the feedback is like well how can

00:27:24.820 we do that like in a cheaper way and that's fine because to live nation's credit they need to try

00:27:31.120 to be profitable they need to try to make money from this even if i'm not going to yeah but going

00:27:35.700 on tour with megan was one of the craziest experiences in my life because i thought when she

00:27:40.760 like offered it to me that it was a joke or she the girl wants people to win all the time

00:27:47.180 so i thought she was just kind of like i want you to go on tour with me and then her team is going to

00:27:51.080 come in the room later and be like oh yeah you know she's just saying that

00:27:54.980 well you want to sing up there a little bottom um and i do and i did and it was really really fun

00:28:03.980 um but i really i kind of timed out my internet breakdown really well around all of this because

00:28:10.360 i had it right before tour rehearsals began yeah and so i took a break for all of tour rehearsals

00:28:16.400 and i think that was really helpful because i was locked in at tour rehearsals because i was like

00:28:22.900 i'm done with like okay if people are gonna hate me every time i show my face on here let me not for a

00:28:28.280 while because at the end of the day i'm not gonna back out of this tour this is what i wanted to do i've

00:28:33.320 to perform my entire life i've been performing my whole life i went to school for theater you're

00:28:38.320 you're a theater kid yes that's who you are yes baby and dylan that's why you and dylan are so

00:28:42.940 exactly exactly i'm ready to get up there and sing some and sing part of your world like that's what

00:28:48.700 i was doing every night was like singing some disney shit and so i the rehearsal process was really

00:28:54.640 hard but it was really good that i was taking a break because i spent so much time i would stay for

00:29:01.060 most of megan's rehearsal yeah and then they were able to fit me in every day like if she which is

00:29:06.560 another thing she did not have to do openers for your tour rehearse completely separately than you

00:29:12.780 and it's like my job to put together the rehearsals to put together the budget the money the sound

00:29:19.960 people i have to bring on an entire new team yeah but she gave me hers yeah she said she said these

00:29:26.240 are the people you're going to be able to work with for sound this is the person like running your

00:29:30.280 in-ears this is the person who's going to be out doing front of house sound and like here are the

00:29:35.480 rehearsal times we can fit you in yeah which as i started going through the rehearsal process and

00:29:40.220 realizing what normally happens i was like just so unbelievably grateful for her because she gave me

00:29:47.480 resources that i would have never never been able to have access to yeah to do this shit and

00:29:53.660 doing a month of rehearsals was really helpful and then i got out there and did the first one and

00:29:59.560 my video glitched on the first one but that was a really fun thing i did too i created these videos

00:30:05.320 for the tour that i feel like that is what i want to do for mine as well to kind of create some sort of

00:30:10.820 narrative around the tour because at the end of the day i have a theater degree like i want to put on

00:30:15.100 a show yes pageantry yes yes which i mean a lot of people want to like love throwing out the no talent

00:30:21.780 thing and i'm like okay whether you believe that or not whatever but like i went to i went to theater

00:30:27.500 boarding school i went to theater camp when i'm in the trenches in the trench i started doing theater

00:30:33.280 camp from age 10 on theater boarding school and then i got my bfa in musical theater whether i have

00:30:39.720 talent or not i have worked at this shit i have been i have a skill set i have been rolling on the

00:30:45.760 floor making animal sounds in acting class for my whole life like that's the shit we have to do if you

00:30:51.620 think what i do now is cringy you should have seen me in an acting class back in the day i'm like

00:30:55.820 mooing to try to get in touch with my character like what the fuck do you think this is but i think

00:31:01.080 that's helped me out a lot because i that's what makes me not cringe at myself very often to not to

00:31:06.180 be cringe is to be free in my opinion yes and cringe is so subjective especially with gen z they

00:31:10.740 think everything's everything yeah every fucking thing is right like we could go on about the mental

00:31:15.820 illness that gen z and gen alpha my god i pray for you every day of my life those young kids

00:31:21.420 they're cooked and also i will say really quick to the to the no talent thing whenever that happens

00:31:27.080 i always think i'm like it requires something to sustain an audience right to to sustain attention

00:31:34.380 and and some sort of spotlight especially now as influencers like because it's such a saturated

00:31:41.320 market everybody could be an influencer a lot of people think they are influencers by any stretch

00:31:45.740 to do the shit you do and the shit i do no talent a hundred percent i disagree like the life of a

00:31:52.800 social media person is so like one year is like a decade in social media time and can make or break

00:31:59.880 how long you last a hundred percent the fact that we've both been able to sustain something for like

00:32:04.840 i mean anyone i i say this about trisha paytas all the time yeah the fact that anyone has been able

00:32:10.100 to sustain some sort of attention for that attention and career online for years at a time

00:32:17.160 is impressive in itself yeah whatever you want to say about the kardashians we all know who they are

00:32:21.420 and we all consistently consume their content whether we want to or not yeah and like that that is there

00:32:26.500 is a talent there's a skill in there it's a skill like they figured something out right so doing tour

00:32:32.880 with megan was was really really fun i i had such a good time doing it that after the msg show i think

00:32:39.920 was when live nation like formally offered me to do my own one and i was like okay i mean yeah i'm down

00:32:46.740 to of course i would want to do something like that and they have to believe that it will work out like

00:32:52.580 they're financially for them it has to make sense for them to offer it especially when you're not even

00:32:56.880 halfway through like at that point yeah and especially when you've never done one i don't have a live

00:33:01.520 podcast yeah and i've never done any other tour other than this one yeah i i haven't really done

00:33:07.060 anything just standing on my own behind that and so they they saw something that i had to believe that

00:33:13.660 they believed in and so i said yes and then they gave me the routing of it and i was like that the

00:33:21.240 routing of like all of the different dates i was going to do in the venues and it became very real

00:33:25.780 and now i'm like really putting it together and i think it's going to be like i thankfully with the

00:33:33.120 last one surprised myself with what i was able to put together because it's hard shit like when you're

00:33:38.280 told you can do whatever you want that's lovely but it's also you can do whatever you want as cheap

00:33:44.380 as possible and you're not being given any guidelines you have to come up with that yourself and it's

00:33:49.820 really tough when you don't have a music catalog or a podcast to try to think of like okay what the fuck

00:33:54.540 am i supposed to do and so i i've hit up friends who are rangers i i'm arrangers music arrangers not

00:34:01.940 rangers um park rangers ready to get ready to protect me up there i've hit up my friends who

00:34:10.000 know how to arrange music i've hit up my friends who know how to orchestrate music um i've been back

00:34:15.220 in voice lessons i'm working with my friend it's really it's like i'm returning back to theater

00:34:20.500 school really and i'm like getting back into writing to put together these videos and then i

00:34:26.820 have to hit up like where i have to hit an entire team to put together a producer and someone who can

00:34:32.100 help film all these videos and then to put together these videos that's out of pocket like i'm paying

00:34:37.820 it i'm paying for it myself yeah and maybe we make back some money on merch but i am doing it

00:34:42.800 because i want to do it and because i want people to have fun yeah and you don't want to skimp out on

00:34:47.840 quality a hundred percent you're providing an experience yeah and there's already a few shows

00:34:52.280 that have sold out so that people will be there yeah and and these things sold out without them

00:34:57.840 knowing anything about what this show will be yeah that's people truly just believing in me and what

00:35:04.640 the show can be so they deserve the best show that i could ever give them yeah and so that's what i'm

00:35:08.300 gonna do i'm so ryan and i both and ryan i guess oh and him oh my god and he's gonna be there

00:35:15.660 that's the last i heard was he'll still be coming i'll be there regardless i don't know about him

00:35:20.980 but i'll be there we're gonna be there together and that's gonna be very fun but i'm having a

00:35:25.380 really good time putting it together but i wouldn't be able to do so much of this without like

00:35:29.740 the people like megan in my life yeah and also my friend group i think a lot of the time people think

00:35:36.000 that i go through some of the shit that i do alone because a lot of the time i am like standing

00:35:41.440 behind the camera by myself and trying to fight back on my own yeah i have some of the best

00:35:48.140 friends in the world and also almost all of them have been in my life for years yeah well before this

00:35:53.800 well before any of this stuff happened and they know me and yeah and what they think of me is all

00:35:58.700 that really matters to me yeah that's what you kind of have to start telling yourself too when it

00:36:02.480 starts overwhelming you like that um yes and i've said before too that like even someone like

00:36:07.560 myself is not impervious to that feeling of like you start questioning whether or not you really

00:36:12.580 are a good person oh my god and it's like and i even someone like myself was struggling which is

00:36:17.820 why i took my break because i was like i don't like being talked about as if i'm not a real person and i

00:36:23.780 don't like being discussed as if i'm an idea right um and i need to i need to recenter where my

00:36:29.980 validation comes from it needs to come from me yeah and the people that love me and care about me like

00:36:34.460 and i was saying this is taking so much like that type of shit takes so much from you right you feel

00:36:38.360 like you're not really showing up in real life with people who know you for real right and love

00:36:42.240 you for real you start questioning yeah everything about yourself if you see so many people saying

00:36:46.420 something about you yeah human nature is to be like well then there must be some truth in that i know

00:36:51.260 everyone is thinking that at some point you start to think a hundred unless you're insane or a bad

00:36:56.340 person and i i made this connection literally yesterday in therapy i developed the worst health anxiety

00:37:02.340 of my life this year always thinking i'm gonna die thinking like i'm gonna have a heart attack

00:37:07.860 thinking there's something physically wrong and i was never like that before i was never much of a

00:37:11.960 hypochondriac and she was like do you think it's because people were making up all of these false

00:37:17.040 ideas about you on the internet that you started making up things about yourself and started thinking

00:37:22.160 something must be wrong because if all of these people see something that i don't see yeah then

00:37:27.820 maybe i'm missing a lot of things internally too damn yeah i know when we put that together

00:37:33.880 well my therapist reads me like that i say samana slow down yeah hold on babe

00:37:39.880 hold on babe whoa whoa whoa whoa whose side are you ow ow oh my god what was that and on the flip

00:37:46.520 side when i make my therapist laugh i'm like got him yeah anyways what was i saying so success

00:37:52.300 so successful so am i your funniest client yeah so you love me the most right i don't love them

00:37:57.740 i believe you you look forward to your sessions with me though right you miss me last time the

00:38:02.840 other ones were boring how do you possibly talk to anyone else i really think about that too though

00:38:07.900 like right i do zoom therapy and my therapist i'm like you're sitting in this chair like for hours a

00:38:14.620 day i'm just one hour of this day right i think that how are you babe like are you okay talking to

00:38:20.240 everyone else because like you want to you just want to kiki with me right like that's what we

00:38:24.780 want to do this is fun this is what we're enjoying but yeah i i this past you've you're

00:38:30.800 having a lot of revelations so many revelations which is a good thing yeah i'm happy i cry on the

00:38:35.760 internet all the time but last year was something different i was like i mean that was like it was

00:38:40.680 guttural i wasn't even taking pictures of myself every time i cried which is how you know it's bad

00:38:44.860 if i'm not making content out of it you know it's bad something's wrong something's wrong with

00:38:50.000 check on him oh wait he didn't post a video but i was i i had never felt like i was gonna lose touch

00:38:57.180 with reality more or go crazy as much as i did last year i was really really actually convinced i was

00:39:03.680 gonna die and not from a point of like i'm gonna do something harmful yeah but the it felt like my

00:39:11.740 world was caving in so often to the point that every morning i was waking up and would feel my

00:39:17.780 heart racing before i even checked my phone before anything was going on because there's nothing that

00:39:24.200 can prepare you to wake up and see people want to tear you apart and like every day doing it and

00:39:33.420 having fun and enjoying themselves literally finding community in that which is kind of the scariest

00:39:38.680 part is seeing people join together to want to hate you yeah and my question always like internally

00:39:46.420 is what is the end goal of this i say that all the time because i really do think you're not gonna feel

00:39:54.220 bad until i am dead yeah which i think is why i was fearing that i was gonna die so much because i was

00:40:00.180 like oh my god no one's gonna be happy until that happens it's like these things are running

00:40:04.720 parallel and then you're even though they are interconnected and they are caused by each

00:40:10.200 other like yeah you're not linking them together right so you're just existing in this weird in

00:40:14.980 between where you're like everybody hates me here i also feel like i'm dying personally and then

00:40:20.540 for some reason you're not connecting the two and i felt the same way too last year obviously end of

00:40:27.000 last year but the year before especially yeah at the end of the year like i i've never talked about

00:40:32.100 this publicly either i've only told friends but like i was so sick like all the time i wasn't

00:40:37.660 sleeping and i never i have sleep paralysis but it's only hit me a couple times and every time it

00:40:42.860 did hit me it was when something horrible was happening in my life terrifying so like i had that

00:40:46.700 twice that year which i've never had to my god concurrently they were like a week apart which was

00:40:51.980 horrifying and scary and then i stopped sleeping so i was like an insomniac and then i stopped eating

00:40:56.480 because i'm so tired i'm not hungry and then my fiance got so worried about me that he started buying

00:41:01.700 protein shakes all the time and he was like forcing me to drink them like he's like please drink these

00:41:05.580 like because i was losing so much weight right and so when all of this is happening and then you're

00:41:11.200 still like hey guys i'm so happy to be here with you like it's it makes you feel like such a not real

00:41:17.860 person like you feel like at all like i'm only real when i'm here in front of cameras and then

00:41:22.940 personally i don't matter nothing matters like this doesn't matter and then at the same time you start

00:41:28.440 feeling ungrateful because you have this life you could have never dreamed of and you're doing

00:41:32.920 things you've always wanted to do but at the same time it's making you miserable so you're like i

00:41:37.700 don't know it just feels like this like you're holding something that's making you sick and you

00:41:41.020 can't let it go yeah i don't know how to explain it they want to take it away from you i know and

00:41:45.100 then do what like you said what's the goal right because what's the end goal as you said yeah before

00:41:50.220 you're not going to replace me yeah like if if you take this away from me you're not going to get put in

00:41:55.540 my spot yeah so what is the goal yeah because a lot of the time the comments are like i just want

00:42:00.880 to never see him again there are options for you to do that there are ways please there are so okay

00:42:06.980 there are so many tools that social media gives you to never see me again if that's what you are

00:42:14.020 not using it and you're not using it it was this the weirdest trend for people to comment about how

00:42:19.400 they blocked me last year and but they wouldn't have because i was always seeing the comments and i would

00:42:25.140 click on their page and it would say follow back and i'm like what i this i just don't understand

00:42:30.500 and it's so crazy that you bring up sleep paralysis and insomnia i had never experienced sleep paralysis

00:42:36.560 in my life really until last year and i experienced it twice isn't it horrifying horrifying it's the

00:42:42.160 worst feeling in the world and the first time i ever ever experienced it which the first time

00:42:45.980 experiencing it at 26 and not really knowing what's happening yeah i'm like mentally trying to like

00:42:51.180 kick my legs me too and like can't and like only one eye was opening and i was like trying to force

00:42:56.860 the other one open and trying to scream and it's like then those things happen and physically you're

00:43:02.360 feeling weird as fuck and awful and then you go online to a place that once made you happy right and

00:43:07.820 once made you helped you escape from the already terrifying world that we live in yeah and then you

00:43:13.220 get on there and you scroll and the first video that your 40 page shows you is how much someone hates you

00:43:18.960 or how ugly you are or how annoying you are or picking apart ways they can try to find that you're

00:43:25.500 problematic yeah and there's no escape then no because you're sitting in your body and you feel

00:43:30.520 uncomfortable because you haven't slept in a week and then you go online to try to escape which most

00:43:34.860 people have the privilege of doing right and you can't because it's people wanting you to feel

00:43:39.020 horrible right and none of this is to say that we're ungrateful or that we hate our jobs or that we're

00:43:43.420 living a harder life than anyone else there are so many people who are going through it at the same time

00:43:48.780 but it's just to say that like there becomes no escape and i say all the time too i'm always like

00:43:54.380 anytime you know when people want to talk about boundaries like public people celebrities influencers

00:44:00.060 whatever you want to call them right when they want to talk about boundaries when they want to talk about

00:44:02.920 like how hard it is to be public and be known publicly um there's always this aura of like oh

00:44:08.520 you're so fucking ungrateful like oh that's not the hardest job in the world nobody said it was in fact

00:44:12.400 i i was so i always say i was so aggressively normal i did not get this till i was in my mid-20s

00:44:17.120 i've worked a lot of normal ass jobs i know yes that this is not the hardest job in the world

00:44:21.240 but i always tell people though is this job comes with no guidance there is no handbook there's no

00:44:28.280 like this is how to deal with hate this is how to deal with when people tell you to kill yourself

00:44:32.560 this is how to deal with getting docs this is that nobody tells you how to deal with that shit no you

00:44:37.160 just find out and like when ravina was on my show she said that she heard from someone that it was

00:44:42.880 described as like a trauma you learn to live with which is when you become a public person which is

00:44:47.300 like obviously we want to do it we're still doing it but we should there should be a world in which

00:44:52.540 both can be true like right this is not the hardest job in the world and on top of that it comes with

00:44:57.840 problems that could you could never train for right i could be in the most intense i could be at west

00:45:03.320 point bitch yeah and it would never teach me how to fucking do this like never in a million years

00:45:08.540 my rehab that i went to was known at the time as like the meanest rehab in the country and they've

00:45:15.240 since had to change their entire um philosophy because people were suing them for abuse like i mean

00:45:21.900 they would lock you out of your apartment um all day or they would like force you you would be put on

00:45:28.580 this thing called reverse campus arrest which means you could not go back to your room or your bed

00:45:35.800 until you made up or showed like remorse for what you did i mean a lot of the time those things were

00:45:43.340 only done if you like broke a big rule but that meant you were to find a bed yeah which ultimately

00:45:48.280 puts you in a crazy situation in south florida finding a bed and like there were just many times

00:45:54.740 that we were put in these like just chaotic situations and a lot of the time part of the philosophy

00:46:01.320 was like we're putting you some through some of these worst moments of your life that you now have

00:46:06.840 to go through sober so whenever you go out back into the world and you experience high levels of

00:46:11.940 stress you'll know that you got through this part sober so you'll be okay but that shit still didn't

00:46:17.220 prepare me for this yeah and i'm with the same therapist that i was there and she's obviously a lot

00:46:21.680 nicer now but she she has she said the same thing like nothing could really prepare you to go through

00:46:28.660 something like this yeah my therapist is at the same right and also when i was a bus boy in florida

00:46:34.600 for a year after rehab no one was telling me yeah well you should just be grateful you have a job

00:46:38.920 or yeah well you should be grateful that we put you in this position and that's one of the big

00:46:43.340 differences of where we are now is like people were making me cry as a bus boy the bosses were mean as

00:46:49.500 shit but i could go home and say my job fucking sucks and i could say that to anyone and they would be

00:46:53.920 like bro i get it yeah but here if we're saying the job sucks it's like well you have more than i

00:47:00.440 ever would and i'm like right i'm and i'm so unbelievably grateful for that and that's one

00:47:06.080 thing my therapist asks me a lot of the time when i'm going through it is like do you want to give up

00:47:11.800 what you have to not get the hate anymore and she asks that honestly she's like because if that if it if

00:47:17.760 the hate is becoming too much to the point that you want to give up the good things that have come from

00:47:21.580 this then we need to stop yeah doing this yeah because we have obviously gotten to a point where

00:47:26.320 you are hurting way more than you're thriving yeah then you're loving it and every single time even at

00:47:33.640 the worst moments i've been like no i don't want to i don't want and also the friends i've made

00:47:38.720 the things i'm able to do and the freedom i'm able to have is so much more worth it i agree than

00:47:45.160 succumbing to someone telling me to get off the internet just because they hate me or they think

00:47:51.400 i'm ugly i agree i agree and i and i always leverage too that like i i tell my audience this

00:47:58.040 all the time i'm like in those moments when they do happen for me where i'm like man this is this

00:48:02.480 doesn't feel worth it to me right now like when it's really really bad i always think about the

00:48:08.220 testimonies i have gotten from people who do love me and do care about me as a person and a creator

00:48:13.100 like that are fans of mine and shit they've told me over the years dm'd me commented like i always tell

00:48:19.240 them i cling to those clean in those moments i desperately hold them i'm like it's all worth

00:48:25.300 it it's all worth it it's all worth it like i constantly and you know what's funny is recently

00:48:29.180 i got to move my grandfather into another home like a brand new one and my grandfather has lived

00:48:35.960 in the same house for 50 fucking years my grandpa has moved and when i saw my grandpa in that new

00:48:41.660 house bitch when i saw him walking around i said yeah it's worth it always always yeah you know what

00:48:47.500 this shit's fucking let me actually read some comments when i saw my grandpa like looking at

00:48:51.100 air conditioning and being like oh my god like look how big these rooms are when i watched that

00:48:55.860 shit i said yeah it's fucking worth it yeah no for sure it is it's 100 when i retired my parents

00:49:01.560 same thing i'll take i will take any of this girl and i know you love your family too and i love love

00:49:07.360 i know i love your post about your dad when you take your dad oh my god concerts and stuff and he

00:49:12.400 actually he can't for his i was getting emotional no truly it was start crying which i do want to

00:49:18.100 like one aside from everything that we're talking about is there still are even though we have done

00:49:23.560 little interludes of saying we're grateful there are still going to be people who listen to this

00:49:27.120 episode and say we got on here and complained about our lives for an hour and to that missing the

00:49:33.900 point is all i want to say yeah you're the person i'm talking about right right like and also one part

00:49:40.060 of this too is i want everyone to be able to have success in their lives there is not i don't look

00:49:46.840 even at the people who are being really mean and think like well i hope you fail maybe sometimes but

00:49:52.940 for the most part i'm like i wish if you're jealous if that's a thing i wish for you to find success

00:49:59.140 oh girl i talk about all the time i said there's more than enough room like 100 if you have something

00:50:03.220 special you'll get it too i'm sure you will and i and i hope that no one treats you the way they treat us

00:50:09.380 i hope no one says i don't wish that on you i really don't yes it's awful i wouldn't wish it

00:50:14.080 on anybody if i'm being real right even the person i hate the most in the world i wouldn't wish this

00:50:18.180 on them it's awful no i never would even the people who are giving it to us yeah because i i

00:50:23.440 think you couldn't you couldn't weather it very clear sign of weakness because you can only throw it

00:50:27.780 at me and if and and if that's what you're doing i can't imagine what would happen if it was being

00:50:32.260 thrown back at you and i mean the sad part is probably sometimes it was right at some point and so

00:50:37.240 you're projecting it onto me but what i do want to say back to the dad and my family is like i brought

00:50:42.180 him to he is like an og swifty fearless era swifty he got me into taylor swift truly truly still a

00:50:51.980 straight man very secure and all that like he is an og swifty would put on fearless when we were in the

00:50:58.160 car um gave me like a speak now vinyl the original for like christmas one year and um so for his 60th

00:51:08.220 birthday i brought him to the heiress tour in paris because he loves tortured poets but the day he flew

00:51:15.420 there was the day one of the days that people were trying to take me down on the internet in like a

00:51:20.640 really big way and so he arrives and i'm with one of my friends who was actually my roommate when i had

00:51:27.280 an intervention and she was part of the intervention and sent me to rehab so we're locked in yeah

00:51:32.160 basically yeah we're locked in and she's always going to be there for me and is able to hand like

00:51:37.540 hold any space we hold the space for each other divine gravity and um when my dad arrived i didn't

00:51:44.100 want to suddenly just start sobbing and be like everything is horrible because this was his birthday trip

00:51:49.100 yeah and he has done so much for me in all of the years like i he went through hell with me when i was a

00:51:56.380 teenager there were multiple times he had to carry me home blacked out and like get me in the shower

00:52:02.180 and i've stolen alcohol from him i've treated him like shit i've yelled at him like i want my entire

00:52:10.880 so sober life has been about trying to like make it back make it up to my parents because of what i put

00:52:16.560 them through for those chaotic years and so when he got there even though this craziness was happening

00:52:21.140 online i didn't want to make it about that yeah and so i was really trying to hold it together

00:52:25.580 but we all went out to dinner it was me my stepmom and my friend who sent me to rehab um and we were

00:52:32.340 walking to dinner and when i was growing up every sunday my family would take us to church and then we

00:52:39.820 would walk to dinner afterwards as a family and we would only do that during the warmer months i grew

00:52:45.780 up in dc and it was very nice in paris at that time it was like one of the random times it was very sunny

00:52:51.080 and gorgeous we were walking to dinner my dad just like puts his arm around me and it's like

00:52:56.200 oh god oh you're gonna cry it's okay and it's just like how are you doing because he was like seeing

00:53:02.520 all of that stuff and it just immediately reminded me of like those moments when i was like when we

00:53:07.720 were walking together as a family growing up um because that has that's the hardest part about

00:53:15.680 receiving all of this i think sometimes when we're growing when at the age we are now is like

00:53:20.360 it's not really us that's hurting it's like the little kid in us who just wanted to be seen

00:53:25.340 and just wanted to create content for fun yeah and that is who i feel like is being attacked a lot of

00:53:32.560 the time even though it is me now and so when he put his arm around me i just started sobbing

00:53:38.140 immediately in paris but then we went out to dinner and then i took him to the show i paid for the

00:53:44.560 entire trip he has he he never flies himself like business or first class and i i was able to do

00:53:49.980 that for him too yeah and i was just like if i have to receive all of this this weekend but it means

00:53:55.580 he can still have this trip and enjoy it with me that's what matters yeah you're so me like you're

00:54:00.820 so i that that a hundred percent that's all you can hold on to at that point yes like i i i've and

00:54:06.540 i've had so many moments like that over the years where i've been like man this shit's not worth it

00:54:11.820 like it's like it's it it really is so overwhelming and i've i always say this too and my

00:54:17.880 i told this to my therapist and she was like that's actually very true that's a good way of

00:54:21.720 reframing i told her like that i know bad people don't sit around wondering if they're bad people

00:54:26.380 and so like we constantly sit around and wonder are we actually bad people like like what you were

00:54:32.540 saying earlier does any of this hold merit if all these people are saying the same things and

00:54:37.020 when you start questioning it it's because you're a good person and it's like when you're in the eye

00:54:41.240 of the storm it doesn't feel like that but when but it's because you're a good person you care and

00:54:46.740 because you care it bothers you and so like you want to fix it or you want to do something to fix it

00:54:51.500 or whatever right and as public people we can only do so much yeah and and even then we could do the

00:54:56.940 most and like you said some people will still refuse to uh right to see it or to see us right and i feel

00:55:03.380 like i've had so many moments over the years where i've been like yeah like if it if if that's what

00:55:10.680 it takes like to be able to do this for my family it's worth it to me yes like i'll eat i'll eat it

00:55:16.580 a thousand times over i don't give a fuck like a hundred percent when i i retired my parents i like

00:55:21.320 when i got i got my parents a new car like when i that's crazy i retired my uncle who's older than

00:55:26.580 my dad my dad's 50 and he's older than my dad and i retired him from his job he had for like 25 years

00:55:31.480 right and everyone being able to do that with any job right crazy yeah and getting to do those things

00:55:37.280 for my family because of what i've always wanted like making making content making art making

00:55:43.060 whatever we want like kind of basically like being silly for a living and like showing being brave

00:55:48.280 enough to put ourselves out there so people could connect with us i'm like you know what it's i'll

00:55:54.140 take it a thousand times a thousand times over because we're so family oriented you and i yes so yeah

00:55:59.020 and also friends like i love doing things for my friends i spend way more money on my friends than i

00:56:05.620 would ever spend on myself me too i love i love taking a friend on a shopping trip i love taking

00:56:11.720 a friend on a trip anywhere like i mean that that's what's fun about all of this right yeah sure i can

00:56:18.040 like get myself a nice thing or i can i can be bi-coastal i can like i could travel on my own but

00:56:24.400 like i want to do this for my friends right like that's i'm a real like when i eat the whole team

00:56:28.720 eats like that's all of us are sitting at the table we're all sitting we're all getting together i

00:56:33.240 did an entire i like took i flew for it was one of my best friend's birthday i flew friends in we

00:56:39.380 all went to this hotel in santa barbara i created a full itinerary her name is kara so it was called

00:56:44.460 camp kara like every friend had a one-on-one activity with her one went horseback riding uh one

00:56:51.560 did like paddleboarding lessons they got massages like i fully planned out the whole thing and i was

00:56:57.700 like well this is why i do it yeah this is why it's happening i know and it's like i feel like too

00:57:02.860 that's why the universe like and and in my culture too we believe the blessing is not in the money it's

00:57:09.080 in giving it away a hundred percent and so i always think like what is the point of making money if i

00:57:13.360 can't like take care of everybody around me yeah you know i wouldn't be here without everybody around

00:57:17.900 me right right and then i i did this thing over the holiday season called christmas which was like

00:57:23.680 for club chris i was um basically like just going through my dms and giving people things they were

00:57:31.080 asking for for christmas and again that was the thing where i was like this is why i fully like

00:57:35.860 full transparency overdrafted one of my accounts doing that i went correct my business manager was

00:57:41.940 like hey babe what the fuck hey what's going on hey babe are you okay like are you about to is

00:57:47.440 something big about to happen because why are you overdrafting an account and i was like oh my god

00:57:51.700 i'm so sorry i'm just giving away people gifts he was like maybe chill on the macbooks i bought like

00:57:56.100 four like the apple products were a little crazy there was a point i was like okay maybe i should

00:58:00.880 start holding back but at the end of the day people were like i really need this one for school

00:58:04.560 or i'm an artist and like i'm trying to do this thing here there was i bought like five space heaters

00:58:10.220 for this woman's art studio in poland yeah and but they people were telling me their whole stories in

00:58:16.300 there and like being able to do something like that i didn't get myself a thing for christmas like i mean

00:58:21.820 i guess people don't really get themselves things but like it's my my birthday's on december 22nd

00:58:27.320 so the holiday season a lot of the time it's like when i was growing up would be a time i'm gonna treat

00:58:32.620 myself to something but the treat myself these days is treating other people yeah is doing all of this

00:58:39.460 stuff for other people and that again is is the reason and a lot of the reason i did christmas

00:58:45.000 was because i was like i wouldn't be here if it especially weren't that's why i'm really happy i

00:58:50.360 created club chris which a lot of people are like you just did it to be to market yourself this is a

00:58:55.080 marketing tactic the reason i private it one at this point yes i'm marketing myself as i do

00:59:00.540 every day and as we actually all do in every interaction in our lives if you're how do you

00:59:05.400 think we stay alive in this industry if you're being nice to someone or if you're at work you're

00:59:09.300 likely marketing yourself have you ever done a job interview you're marketing yourself honey but when i

00:59:14.460 first created it it was not this like mastermind plan of i'm gonna i didn't know all of this was

00:59:19.900 gonna happen i privated my account because i didn't want people to tell me to kill myself

00:59:24.200 anymore on one of my accounts at least yeah i was like my god if i can have one that'll be great and

00:59:30.920 i privated it and didn't even tell people that it was private for the first few days was just like

00:59:35.240 i'm just done i it was after i had my breakdown i privated it like a month later before i returned

00:59:42.160 then i made a video being like my account is now private so if you're in you're in and then i remember

00:59:48.040 like not even looking at my phone and then hours later my manager texted me like that was genius

00:59:52.500 and i was like what was she was like privating the account how did you think of that i was like oh i

00:59:57.780 just thought it was gonna be like i just don't want people to be mean and i can just like block

01:00:01.220 everyone out and she was like have you seen the video and it had like 800 000 views but it had like

01:00:06.240 500 000 likes which is like that that ratio has never happened again that is like that is great like

01:00:14.260 i like get really into the data of things a lot of the time and the analytics and that was that was

01:00:19.300 like the most like to view ratio i'd ever seen and and it had also like 20 000 comments and people

01:00:24.740 being like this is the best thing ever i feel like i'm a part of something and so that's when i started

01:00:28.800 to be like oh maybe i can like turn this into something that we all start to enjoy yeah not not

01:00:34.240 that it was like oh i see dollar signs out of this also would have never created merch for it if

01:00:40.120 that wasn't in every comment section that that i was posting a video was like we need shirts yeah

01:00:45.560 and i was like well okay i'll make some shirts no it's stumbling into a wonderful idea yes and it

01:00:50.440 works in two ways which is always protects you and then it also helps create something new for your

01:00:55.900 that's always how i think social media works right any form of entertainment is trying things and then

01:01:02.100 just finding certain things that work i agree when i first started i saw a girl made a video about me

01:01:07.400 and it wasn't a mean video but she was saying like she's honestly a genius because now that i've

01:01:13.200 done this like batman signal in the sky type deal like people find content for me so they're farming

01:01:19.020 it for me like they're bringing it to my doorstep i always say they drop it off at my altar and then

01:01:23.460 i come and i eat it right but you but before you made that first video you weren't like i know what

01:01:27.380 i'm gonna do if i start making these videos the people will find them i know and i feel the same way

01:01:33.400 when men are like oh you're just capitalizing off single women's misery and i'm like okay even if

01:01:37.920 that was true you're gonna freak out when you find out about gay people but even if that was true

01:01:41.500 let's just say even if it was true right why don't you copy me then a hundred percent if it's so

01:01:47.420 fucking easy why don't you join me bitch right like right so it's always like oh i could do that too

01:01:53.020 can you yes get in the cage then also actually the realty is if men stop being horrible you'll be out of

01:01:59.800 a job yeah so once they stop then great i said that then i'll figure out what to do girl i had

01:02:05.360 to show people that i was bubbly and funny outside of making fun of you bitches because i thought maybe

01:02:09.280 you guys would shape up and figure it out right you didn't so now i just have multiple threads

01:02:13.620 running all in different directions is another like less we return to it an impressive part of

01:02:19.440 doing social media right you have multiple things people do because that's the thing too is there are so

01:02:23.980 many people who blow up and they only do one thing and then they either fade or people call them

01:02:29.480 a one trick pony and that's all they're ever doing exactly and it's getting old but as soon

01:02:34.160 as you make some new things oh you've changed yeah they're like they're like oh this is a money thing

01:02:38.600 right well i do need money that's right okay yeah so it is my job the amount of people who are like

01:02:46.780 he really he changed after he like him and ian broke up he changed when he got out of the relationship

01:02:52.760 and started doing solo content yeah because i was fucking miserable for so many years yeah i had to do

01:02:58.360 something i yeah what was i supposed to do right i couldn't make couple content anymore so i was

01:03:02.560 making content on my own what was it so i kind of had to lean on me fake a boyfriend like i just get

01:03:07.340 a sex doll blow him up and like do challenges with him like i was it was yes people are gonna change

01:03:12.600 and at the end of the day if my content then is not for you that is okay yeah i'm not begging anyone

01:03:18.200 to stay and that has been one of the most freeing parts of my private account is when people

01:03:22.600 threaten to leave i say okay okay goodbye but also i'm happy for you for taking a choice for

01:03:30.240 making a choice for yourself yeah but i think a lot of the time it's not really about leaving to

01:03:34.800 make yourself happy especially when you're making a video about it yeah i think it's about finding a

01:03:39.820 community of people who also don't like me and feeling like you feel seen because you don't like

01:03:44.660 me great okay you're feeling seen for this one moment and then but if i acknowledge it you're

01:03:50.660 mad immediately yeah like it's very like i'm allowed to have an opinion okay right right okay

01:03:55.740 you're right go have it over there then and i'll be over here there was a i'm super like that too i'm

01:04:00.800 very like i know i'm not everyone's cup of tea i'm cool with that like i'm not so arrogant that i

01:04:06.360 think everybody should like me um but if you outwardly fucking hate me check in right something's off

01:04:13.340 right right i don't hate yes people i don't know right um and if i do hate you it's for a really

01:04:19.420 good reason like if i do hate you it's for and even then i and there's an asterisk next to hate

01:04:24.220 because i don't think i'm i don't think i really got it in me to really hate someone yeah also i think

01:04:29.360 consuming content from someone you hate over and over again is a form of self-harm yeah because at

01:04:35.480 some point why are you doing that or obsession obsession and fan energy infatuation infatuation

01:04:42.640 love yeah but but like masked under hate because i mean at the end of the day self-harm a lot of the

01:04:49.520 time is about taking the pain inside of you and placing it somewhere else yeah and a lot of people

01:04:55.920 do it in plenty of different ways i was doing it through substance abuse for many years of my life

01:04:59.900 and so someone is taking the pain that they feel about themselves and putting it on you over and over

01:05:06.100 again and i and and they're seeking out your content and they're and they're fine and they're

01:05:10.700 consuming it every single time yeah and it's almost this like masochistic feeling of like i love how much

01:05:18.240 this hurts i love to hate this person i follow you because it's a hate follow which is just the

01:05:23.960 craziest thing have you ever asked someone i've asked people i'm like if you hate me so much why do

01:05:28.400 you follow me and then they were like they'll write the craziest craziest thing like the the things they

01:05:35.020 say back like i've heard oh i just like i like to follow people i don't like like right a man told me

01:05:41.980 that right why right and then he was like you're fat okay well blocked yeah you're kicked out the club

01:05:47.660 right like get get out of here you weirdo like it's okay it is a very it's a crazy mental illness

01:05:53.400 it's a crazy little chapter and i got enough of those i don't need any more no i really do have

01:05:58.560 enough and that's gonna know that's why it's hard because we try to like we try to empathize we try to

01:06:02.820 get in their shoes but like the story i told you i think before we started rolling of how someone said

01:06:08.540 i was liking all these comments that were death threats against them it gets to a point where it

01:06:12.980 gets serious yeah it's like oh this isn't actually funny and you're not actually just being a hater

01:06:17.120 anymore you're making defamatory comments that if something ended up actually happening

01:06:21.380 legal action would have to be taken by one of us this is crazy yeah and against me yes and you

01:06:27.700 know it's not true and of course as soon as i screenshot that and dm this person yeah and say

01:06:32.760 you and i both know this is not true what could possibly have possessed you to say something like

01:06:37.340 this please don't do this and i i need you to understand that this is really serious and that

01:06:41.840 this isn't and super harmful not only to me but to people who maybe do like me or just people

01:06:48.340 reading that and thinking wow is there some big creator out there who's liking death threat

01:06:52.640 like that makes anyone feel uneasy it's and as soon as i dm this person paragraphs of apologies

01:06:58.780 saying i exaggerated i thought maybe you did like one but you probably didn't thought you would see

01:07:04.300 i didn't think you were gonna see it but their comment had like a thousand likes at that point i'm

01:07:08.220 like that's a thousand people who decided to like it i can't imagine how many people decided to see it

01:07:12.400 and this is based on a lie yeah and and you creating this thing about me is so unbelievably

01:07:17.880 harmful and it depersonalizes me it's because they don't think of us as real people right like as

01:07:23.220 actual human beings right that's why i i the golden globes like you and i going to the globes

01:07:27.540 i always think i first of all can we just say for the record they ask us to go okay i feel like they

01:07:34.680 think we're submitting self-tapes to be to go and then they're like where the fuck is that bitch

01:07:39.200 someone said like how much money does he have to pay his way in i'm like not enough because bitch

01:07:44.900 if i had to pay my way in i after doing christmas and overdrafting my account i would probably not

01:07:49.200 be able to afford to go to the golden globes honey no they are asking us because also at the end of

01:07:54.600 the day so many of the videos that go viral whether it's people liking us or not are us being there and

01:08:00.360 people being like i fucking hate that this person is there and yes that is not at all me saying that

01:08:06.520 we are famous no or that we are bigger than any of the people who are actually in shows there no

01:08:11.860 it's just me observing that people love to eat up yeah when we're at something like this whether

01:08:17.000 it's good or bad yeah absolutely and also you wouldn't think we're famous either if you saw how

01:08:21.660 they treat us at those things no no and and girl i said they gave me a vest and said and park some

01:08:27.160 cars while you're at it bitch make yourself i try to make myself as small as possible at these

01:08:31.800 things i'm walking down the i'm walking down the red carpet i'm like i'm sorry like a rep is like

01:08:37.000 pushing me to the side like girl out of the way i like and that's that was why when my friend who

01:08:43.540 works for variety mark was like let me introduce you to ariana i know mark i was like no he's a ledge

01:08:48.700 love variety led love mark down yeah and he he was like well let me introduce you and i and ultimately

01:08:55.080 the reason he was introducing me to her is because he likes me because we're friends because i'm a good

01:09:01.060 person yeah even though everyone wants me to be a villain but he says um not everyone there are so

01:09:06.380 many people who really do support me and i love you and i can't wait to see you on tour but he

01:09:10.640 marketing he um was like come meet her and i was like no i initially said no and i'm i'm i don't mean

01:09:18.200 that in like oh i couldn't like i do i do not want to take her time i did not want to take up any time

01:09:23.960 no i don't and two all i see in my head whenever i'm meeting someone i like now is someone taking a

01:09:30.720 video of it and someone saying get chris holsten away from them because they hate to see me talk

01:09:35.680 to anyone it makes me also sad like i there's a video of me from earlier in the night of someone

01:09:42.300 saying who do you want to take a selfie with here and i was like i don't want to take up anyone's time

01:09:46.640 i don't want to bother anyone but then i do say but if i could it would be ariana manifested look at

01:09:52.520 you but i that is really the energy most of the time because kind of the impetus for my like main

01:09:57.880 breakdown on august 8th was i had just love island just finished love leah and serena down

01:10:06.040 and janae really all of them ppg forever and i saw them at a i think it was a variety event i saw

01:10:13.480 them at a variety event and we were next to each other in line and then we spent most of the night

01:10:17.940 together i had the best time with them and i was living a fucking dream because i just watched the

01:10:22.660 show i love them so much and they knew who i was they were like i oh wait obviously we know who you

01:10:28.120 are and we were having such a good time got each other's numbers planned to hang out like i had a

01:10:33.680 lovely time and i remember driving home with my friend and this was in the middle of me getting a

01:10:36.980 lot of hate and being like can't tell me nothing like these girls like me because they met me and

01:10:43.980 they know me yeah and that's what matters when i meet someone in person seems to go well

01:10:48.940 yeah that's the and also having friends for many years yeah is a very good sign someone's friend

01:10:55.760 group is a beautiful sign of who they are as a person it really really really is and so i went

01:11:01.520 home and i was like i feel good i went right over to a situationships house hooked up slept over

01:11:08.700 i'm like yes i'm living and i knew once we took those photos together because we took them in one of

01:11:15.800 the photo booths so i knew variety had them and i knew they would probably post them at some point

01:11:19.440 and i knew when they were going to post them some people would be shitty about it yeah but i was like

01:11:24.500 you know what i had a really good time it doesn't matter i wake up in my situationships bed the next

01:11:29.620 morning open my phone and literally the first thing is a love island fan page on tiktok posting the

01:11:35.940 photos of us and the love island fan page was saying it in a nice way it was like oh my god chris

01:11:40.480 olsen with leah and serena the top comment thousands of likes get chris olsen away from them

01:11:47.040 second fucking chris olsen third leah run serena run and i see that and i was just this was during

01:11:56.620 the insomnia era when like neither of us were sleeping very well already on edge and so that

01:12:01.840 never makes for a good morning i was crying like every morning in general those days whether something

01:12:07.220 happened or not but yeah that morning the first feeling i had was rage yeah i was so mad that i

01:12:14.980 had just had this really good night and all people seemed to want to do the next day was make me feel

01:12:21.080 bad about it yeah and i felt so angry and for no reason other than just like they don't like you

01:12:26.580 and my first plan i screenshotted all of those i screenshotted their accounts my first plan

01:12:31.400 because this was also during the time when like making 50 part series was becoming a thing

01:12:36.220 i was like i am going to find every hate comment that i can find against me and make a video for

01:12:41.160 each one of these people taking them down yeah in the way that they made me feel i want them to feel

01:12:47.720 the way i feel right now yeah because i feel so fucking horrible about myself and they made me feel

01:12:53.200 this way which is not i don't condone or validate that exact feeling but it was just the honest yeah rage

01:13:00.360 that i was having the initial feeling i was i was sad all the time and then i was just like i don't

01:13:06.380 know what to fucking do well i can't even have one good night i can't have one good night i thought i was

01:13:11.100 finally turning a corner and the first thing i see is people hating that because also what am i going to

01:13:19.400 do to them what do you think is going to happen yeah that they need to get away from me what do you

01:13:24.740 think i'm gonna do because none of you can find a single problematic thing that i've done to like

01:13:29.860 be like well he's gonna i don't know whatever it is curse of annoying yeah it's just and it's like

01:13:35.840 not it's also not illegal it's not illegal leave it or not it's not illegal and i'm a fucking theater

01:13:41.140 kid i it's not you said it's in my dna to be annoying it's not my fault 13 million people still

01:13:48.440 followed me yeah i i was annoying and it worked i'm sorry like i i enjoy it really i'm so sorry if

01:13:56.200 it's not really working for you and you just kind of feel bad about yourself but congrats i now feel

01:14:01.100 bad about myself too yeah so i felt so much rage but as i said to you like rage isn't my default

01:14:06.680 very uncomfortable feeling for me so i went home and i made a first video being really mad and then i

01:14:12.240 made a second video starting to be a little sad and then my friend came over that day and we were

01:14:17.780 supposed to do a working session together and he came over and as soon as i opened the door i was

01:14:24.480 like hi and he was like what's wrong i hadn't started crying yet as soon as he asked me what's

01:14:28.440 wrong i start sobbing for maybe like a full hour uninterrupted just saying the same things kind of over

01:14:34.880 and over again about how i feel like such a fucking loser and this is kind of like really cliche but you

01:14:40.380 saw wicked right yes oh my god yeah we were both there of course i did when elphaba walks into that

01:14:46.360 ballroom stop and everyone is can i say i gotta chill

01:14:49.820 i gotta chill down my spine goosebumps girl are you kidding and listen i know i know elphaba

01:14:57.440 represents a lot of many like many different things like mainly women of color yeah mainly a lot of the

01:15:04.940 time the queer community marginalized people yeah but i'm gonna take one moment to make it about me

01:15:09.840 real quick if i may she walked into that ballroom i haven't cried that hard during a movie because i

01:15:16.160 was like that is what this consistently feels like that you're and you can i just say chris at the la

01:15:23.040 premiere i'm not kidding my sister and i sitting side by side literally sobbing so bad at the premiere

01:15:29.980 i thought i was gonna have to go to the restroom and excuse myself heaving because i felt because i was

01:15:34.040 like i'm embarrassing myself like i'm in a fucking corset and i'm sobbing like snot and like trying

01:15:39.800 to not like make a sound and you're so right it's that is what this feels like that's it feels like

01:15:46.240 you show up to a school dance really excited and feeling your best and then everyone starts laughing

01:15:52.520 at you yeah and and being mean to and being mean to you and thank god i think you and i both have

01:15:57.360 glinda's in our lives yes who can be and that's why i also cried because i was sitting next to my friend

01:16:01.940 who i'm like you've been my client of a war like you've saved my fucking life but i i felt like

01:16:10.920 that felt was just like the perfect representation of what happened that day because i literally was

01:16:17.060 crying to my friend and over and over again couldn't stop saying that i just feel like a loser that

01:16:21.940 everyone is pointing and laughing at there's a gaga documentary that she made during her monster ball

01:16:26.840 tour and she starts crying in the dressing room before before her msg show and it's like i sometimes

01:16:33.380 still feel like that loser kid in high school of course me as a little kid fan watching that i'm

01:16:38.080 like but you're gaga you're fine but now i'm like i get it yeah and we're not even performing at msg

01:16:43.960 we're we're not even on that level no we're we're like in the in the mic in the whole world of

01:16:50.320 entertainment we are little ants and still it feels like someone is fucking crushing us with

01:16:55.700 bricks over and over and over over and over laughing about it and laughing and like you said

01:16:59.500 finding community in it yes which is that's the that feels like the hardest part for me because

01:17:04.420 i love bringing people together we we both love bringing people together and it feels like when

01:17:09.440 you're on the come up everything is good yeah and people love that you're bringing people together

01:17:13.380 for a good reason and then suddenly people are coming together because they hate you and they and

01:17:18.800 they're having fun with it yeah they're having a lot of fun and and they're making creative jokes

01:17:24.140 yeah at the end of the day and you're like bro like some of this is actually like funny if if it were

01:17:29.860 not directly about me it's like that audio that's like fuck it's genius fuck yes yes like did trust me

01:17:35.440 i know someone someone who just posted like a it was who responded to you on twitter with like a

01:17:41.420 pokemon thing or it was like a drive-by oh dude the pot of greed yes yes yes bitch you were like

01:17:46.780 got me yeah i said you're right it will stay with me that happened three years ago yeah right

01:17:51.540 about it right and and speaking of the pot of greed shit i even made a video about it like probably

01:17:57.460 not too long ago like a few months ago but i was like saying how i started seeing men who fucking

01:18:01.600 hate me saying i like oh yeah she's the pot of greed like taking credit for the joke like they

01:18:07.400 started saying like i saw a guy on here call her pot of greed and i've never looked at her the same

01:18:11.920 said pause i called myself that bitch and and on top of that you really want to trace it to the

01:18:16.920 origin that was a barb stan account so i tell you right now that was not a straight man i can tell

01:18:21.200 you that confidently and the barb stan accounts they're gonna be funny when they're taking you

01:18:24.440 down girl and creative and creative pot of greed what the fuck is that and it didn't was there was

01:18:29.800 no laughing there was no much it just said pot of greed that's it and that's the meanest thing i've

01:18:33.780 ever read about myself ever and period and almost we should have it framed i wish i really hope i wish

01:18:39.680 i wish i screenshot it i really do and this kind of lends towards my next thing which is sometimes

01:18:44.480 people take mean things i've read about myself and i made the shit funny and then when men start

01:18:49.480 trying to levy it against me i'm like that's my joke bitch i was like you need me for everything

01:18:53.260 right but now like on my globes like pictures i posted so someone wrote fucking hot i can't believe

01:19:00.860 someone would ever like call you the pot of greed you don't look anything like that card hey hey

01:19:07.260 just give me a like girl yeah i don't need the comment it's okay don't worry about it i love

01:19:12.200 you though i love you oh my god yeah it's like when people like really love to throw out the like

01:19:16.600 you know what i don't love most of what you do but this one got me or he's not really my cup of tea

01:19:23.360 but i don't think people should be calling him ugly hey i've never been attracted to him i sometimes

01:19:29.540 think he doesn't wear the best things but that's a little mean oh thank you thank you okay

01:19:38.380 okay jesus christ wow i've never enjoyed one of his videos but you're really being a bitch to him

01:19:45.860 oh yes oh the enemy of my enemy is my friend yes you're really fighting for me i was perfect

01:19:53.820 hey babe you didn't have to say a word yeah no no yeah thank you oh my god you're like that kind

01:19:59.660 of makes me feel just as bad i love you though yes okay i know i had that too i've had women be like

01:20:04.520 oh i hate i think she's so annoying but this is kind of a little too far yeah yeah okay i fucking

01:20:11.660 like one dude he crashed out about me years ago and he was making videos about me every single day

01:20:16.940 for like months like every day his video was dedicated to me and my sister of the day yeah right he's

01:20:22.460 like let's talk shit on that fat bitch drew again okay babe and then at one point someone wrote a

01:20:27.800 comment on his video and he said listen i hate that fat bitch too but like are you ever going to get

01:20:32.580 back to your normal content or it's just kind of like wow my sister screenshot that comment and she

01:20:39.060 sent it to her she goes i think he'll be done soon dude i don't know because like she would like

01:20:42.700 check in on him bro yeah and then he was like no for sure new workout coming in two days

01:20:47.300 and i said okay me hente when i read that comment i said like yeah yeah jesus christ no i get it i

01:20:54.240 agree and some people like there are the there are the creative haters which i sometimes have a

01:20:59.840 little bit of respect for but then there are the not and all of the not creative ones just the like

01:21:03.860 scum of the earth ones live on reddit truly never been there i always me either and i'll tell you

01:21:09.520 this they have had wanted posters of my face on reddit for the last four years crazy they are

01:21:15.360 looking for me scary scary place in there you'll never catch me looking at reddit unless i'm look

01:21:20.440 googling something for myself i'm never looking myself on reddit yeah ever yeah and i want to

01:21:26.080 say one more thing about the oz dust ball scene so say it when that happened uh like obviously

01:21:32.860 inconsolable i was fucking open mouth crying and then when we got home teffy text me and my sister

01:21:39.060 because we have a group chat and she was like i just want to tell you guys that if we were at a ball

01:21:44.140 together i would put on your ugly little hat and i would dance with you guys and we were because

01:21:48.520 all three of us were crying separately and i was like stop stop stop i'm sick to my stomach stop

01:21:52.820 immediately stop i'm overwhelmed yes so it's they i mean the the movie is perfect and they did that

01:21:59.000 scene so beautifully because you really see her excitement when she walks in the room it kills me

01:22:06.600 that is what i was getting emotional about before is like we are we're we're still our little kids

01:22:11.700 grown up we are the little versions of ourselves who were really excited about being seen and really

01:22:16.980 excited about doing something that felt impactful in the world and like especially your content you've

01:22:22.320 made such an impact and changed probably how so many people feel about themselves and then at the

01:22:27.460 end of the day you get online and you see someone wanting to rip the joy away from the little kid and

01:22:33.780 you're like it's like you just walked into the room and you were smiling and and then they wanted to

01:22:40.160 make you feel bad for something that wasn't even about what what you were what you were trying to do

01:22:45.880 yeah it's like so completely unrelated and i and even when i when my book came out and stuff i like

01:22:50.400 talked about how it was making me so emotional seeing reviews of my book because i was telling my

01:22:55.920 sister like for once i felt like i was really being seen for what i've always wanted to be seen for

01:23:00.440 which is being smart like that's never been something that's been linked to me especially

01:23:04.300 online even like even though i know i'm smart i don't need people to tell me right like it's always

01:23:08.520 like oh she's fucking mean to men which like yes objectively yes but like there's so much more to me

01:23:14.220 and my content right so feeling seen like you said yeah is what validates us it like makes us feel

01:23:20.300 like okay they get what i'm trying to do they get who i am like they see me as a person it's more

01:23:24.880 like i feel like being seen i've talked about this in therapy i'm like i feel like my version of being

01:23:28.960 seen online is is being seen for who i am and like what i'm trying to do what i'm trying to

01:23:33.200 accomplish what i really love and i feel like you're the same way and that's why before we wrap

01:23:37.520 i want to commend you on your you are so brave and you are so strong and i i don't think you hear

01:23:44.140 that enough but you are you are so brave like genuinely you are and i tell people all the time

01:23:49.320 to do this job is really sacrificing a lot like and by that i mean like the way you see yourself

01:23:57.140 the way you perceive yourself and it's hard and it's really difficult and i think that you've

01:24:01.700 weathered it you've conquered it but you've also been so open and honest about it like how much it

01:24:07.980 hurts you and that is brave it's brave to do things like that well thank you people like you inspire me

01:24:13.620 really you do oh my god and you inspire me i think we pull from each other yes exactly like i need a

01:24:20.120 little bit of your the energy but that is what let me finish my sentence before i move on i need a

01:24:25.460 little bit of your like fuck you energy and sometime and like i need your vulnerability what but you did

01:24:30.820 that so beautifully with your break with that whole video and i i remember watching i think i watched the

01:24:35.780 whole thing twice because i was just like this is it couldn't have been more perfect letting people in

01:24:40.960 especially when you've built a platform where you know some of those shitty men are gonna grasp on to

01:24:46.720 certain parts of that and be like weak weak or some shit and it's like okay okay yeah and that's

01:24:53.720 why i don't like doing that and that's but i felt like that is strong yeah and you text me after and

01:24:59.460 told me that it was the best thing you ever did for yourself and i remember to like people like you

01:25:04.280 people like my sister people like tevi like inspire me to be more open about what hurts me because like

01:25:10.020 i don't like telling people that shit obviously because i'm mine is so antagonistic like my my

01:25:15.000 platform yeah was built on antagonizing awful people so like i don't like to show weakness

01:25:20.560 because of that but at the same time i feel like when you want to have vulnerable conversations but

01:25:25.180 you're unwilling to be vulnerable you just sound like an asshole so like yeah i feel like pulling

01:25:29.400 from people like you has helped me a lot yeah especially making peace with doing a break because

01:25:32.960 it's hard for me to not work no i know i know i i that that was another reason why doing tour rehearsals

01:25:38.460 around that time was so helpful because i was like okay i can do something else

01:25:41.500 but vulnerability is strength yeah 100 percent people see crying and people see softness as

01:25:48.160 weakness a lot of the time but i think it's sometimes one of the strongest things i agree

01:25:52.940 can do as someone who who yells at people for a fucking living like i i agree and which is also

01:25:58.780 strength there's so many spectrums of strength right but softness and vulnerability is not inherently

01:26:05.740 weak no it never has been in my opinion never has been but i think you're amazing and we're in

01:26:09.780 love so obviously that's true yeah we have been for years we just we therapize each other i could

01:26:14.960 have yapped for 24 hours we're both insomniacs at this point as well girl i know sleep paralysis girls

01:26:20.880 yeah but obviously everybody knows you but where can everybody find you and buy tickets to the tour

01:26:29.160 you can buy tickets to the tour on ticket master slash in my website my club chris.com period um and

01:26:37.120 then you can find me on tiktok at chris just got chris youtube chris olson doing a lot of youtube

01:26:44.620 these days go check it out look at you and then instagram is chris olson period and then if you're

01:26:49.440 special maybe you'll get into club chris we'll see oh i'm not even in that can you believe oh my god

01:26:54.100 i'm gonna add you right now baby i'm not even in i have your phone number but i'm not even in it

01:26:58.920 okay that's crazy but i'm so excited for you to go on tour i'm very excited too and most importantly

01:27:04.800 i love watching people thrive in their art form like having fun you love to perform you love to

01:27:11.880 sing like i those are things that you were meant and destined to do and social media has always been

01:27:16.900 a vehicle yeah which i think that all the time i think that about dylan too yeah about britney i think

01:27:21.420 about caleb like they're they're vehicles for our art form that we really want to pursue yeah so i'm so

01:27:26.720 happy for you and i'm happy that you're you seem lighter you seem feel a little better like a lot

01:27:31.960 less unburdened you know the first day of 2025 i did survive like a subway shooting and i feel like

01:27:38.940 that was the universe being like hey we have to get the chaos out in one day but then it's gonna get

01:27:44.680 better thankfully i don't think anyone got hurt from that specific incident but yeah stay safe in new

01:27:50.060 york right now actually everywhere yeah um but yeah it was a crazy first day and then i met ariana

01:27:55.980 so it was like hey we got you they said sorry about that oh my god sorry we needed to do something

01:28:02.520 to kind of shake you up on day one um they said last thing i swear yeah last thing we know it was a

01:28:07.860 horrible last year let's just get one thing out day one last and then it'll be good then it'll be good

01:28:12.820 yeah yeah well thank you so much for coming back i love you for having me a lot has happened to us

01:28:16.860 so much i can't wait to come back look at us we're growing back in this chair all stars three

01:28:22.100 period thank you so much to all of you for tuning into this episode thank you to my amazing all-star

01:28:27.240 guest chris olsen make sure y'all go get tickets to club chris and also you already follow chris i

01:28:31.880 know you fucking do oh please or block me if you hate me oh yes i'm begging you add me to that list

01:28:37.060 too thank you all so much for watching don't forget new episodes of the comment section drop every

01:28:42.740 wednesday you can stream the audio on all streaming platforms but the video lives for free and

01:28:46.660 exclusively on our favorite platform spotify so thank you so much for tuning in thank you to my

01:28:50.640 amazing guest chris and i'll see you next week bye bye

01:28:53.980 you

01:29:01.880 you

01:29:03.880 you

01:29:05.880 you

01:29:07.880 you

01:29:11.880 you

WELL-RESTED TWEENS Ft. Chris Olsen ｜ Episode 153

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Transcript