YOU’RE NOT THE NEXT BILLIONAIRE, DAVID ｜ Drew Afualo & E.R. Fightmaster ｜ THE COMMENT SECTION EP 77
Summary
In this episode of the comment section, I sit down with the legendary ER fight master, the one and only, the iconic, the legendary, the only, The Legendary ER Fight Master. We talk about being non-binary in the 21st century, how she came to be who she is today, and how she became the person she is now.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
I've had this argument with men, obviously, because they love a billionaire, like terrible men.
00:00:09.840
I'm not going to talk shit on Elon because I am the next Elon.
00:00:17.180
So like I get his mindset because I'm also up there with him.
00:00:30.000
Hey, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of the comment section show starring
00:00:35.340
Once again, nobody gives a shit about me ever anymore, ever since Spotify bought me.
00:00:45.780
It's the one, the only, the iconic, the legendary ER fight master.
00:00:54.460
I want to say I've always looked at those nails, the nails that you have.
00:01:01.840
And then I just saw Megan Thee Stallion cooking with them.
00:01:06.700
And it's like no part of the food touched her actual flesh.
00:01:10.580
I was like, oh, they're for some extension of me.
00:01:19.520
I thought it was some kind of like pillow princess of life stuff.
00:01:22.720
I can't hold anything, but actually you can hold stuff way better.
00:01:29.560
You know what's funny is I've never had long nails ever growing up because I played sports.
00:01:38.080
And so I think like me being like a pick me, I was like, that's for girls.
00:01:45.240
And then I remember I think like my sophomore year of college, one of my best friends was like telling me that she wanted to go get acrylics.
00:01:53.320
And I was like, well, I just like don't know like if I could do anything with them and blah, blah, blah.
00:01:59.320
And she like really challenged my like, I was like, OK, same.
00:02:10.640
And so we went to the nail salon and I was like so fucking broke.
00:02:14.040
And her dad actually paid for us all to get our nails done, including acrylics, which is so nice.
00:02:27.440
And when I got them, I remember being like, this is my new personality.
00:02:32.640
One of the most like femme things I've ever heard is that the first time you got acrylics, it was from somebody else's dad.
00:02:42.140
It's the most heterosexual thing I've ever said.
00:02:48.260
One of the ways that I know that I am non-binary is because when women do things, I'm like, what?
00:02:57.440
When you're at the zoo and you see like gorillas petting each other's hair and you're like, that is so cute.
00:03:06.960
And then men, I'm like, I have a really bad like, ugh.
00:03:15.560
I'm like, I'm right in the middle watching both, having a different experience.
00:03:19.900
Having a horrifying one and then a very, very cute and like admirable one.
00:03:29.960
For those of you who aren't familiar, ER is one of the first non-binary people to be in many different forms of media.
00:03:45.200
And I spelled it that slowly because I forgot how to spell it.
00:03:47.460
As you're spelling, you're like, okay, yeah, that sounds right.
00:03:58.160
The way I had to like re-teach myself how to like write sentences is embarrassing.
00:04:07.240
Like I haven't had that program on my computer in years.
00:04:09.680
So I've been writing like some essays for fun, you know, and very gay.
00:04:18.380
That's the gay agenda is to get you to write for fun.
00:04:27.320
Don't think about pages because if you send pages to any other computer, it gives it a virus.
00:04:33.800
Like you can copy and paste from pages and put it in a Word document and your laptop will kill itself.
00:04:49.700
I think it had to be a, Word tried to make pages.
00:04:59.740
Then you use pages and you're like, oh, guess I have to re-download Word.
00:05:02.700
And then when you re-download it, Word's like, and here you are crawling back.
00:05:14.560
Well, I like, yeah, I had to re-download Word, which you have to pay for it.
00:05:22.340
The way I was just like using things that my mom bought and then that harsh like sting of adulthood.
00:05:28.620
Like when I found out, I moved into my first house ever was in college.
00:05:32.320
Like when I moved off campus for the first time.
00:05:34.340
I'm like in my big girl house with my best friend and we move in and I'm like, I have to buy curtains.
00:05:40.740
You're telling me the house doesn't come with curtains, let alone curtain rings.
00:05:49.220
The way I'm like in a fishbowl if I don't buy sheets for the windows is crazy.
00:05:54.600
Absolutely sick that everything's not free for us.
00:05:58.400
I'm simply a teenage girl and you want me to buy curtain rings.
00:06:06.000
The way my mom just like buys them and puts them places and I'm like, well, clearly that's part of the infrastructure.
00:06:11.800
And it costs like millions of dollars to survive.
00:06:18.420
Capitalism was whooping my ass when I moved out on my own.
00:06:22.200
I was like, oh man, the way things don't come with the house is just unbelievable.
00:06:25.640
And you're buying the cheapest stuff you possibly can.
00:06:28.100
So you're buying the bath mat, but it's got like, it's because you bought it for $19.
00:06:35.480
So I almost break my neck every time I get out of the shower.
00:06:39.420
I saw sheets and I lived in Hawaii at the time and everything is so expensive already in Hawaii.
00:06:44.180
So like I go and I look at curtains and I'm like $20 not spending that.
00:06:51.520
The way they were paper thin, I might as well have just taken them off.
00:07:01.060
It's almost like it's making it like widescreen.
00:07:20.300
But that's why for the S-T-R-I-K-E, when that big dumb asshole said that thing about starving out writers and actors.
00:07:37.780
And the thing that that guy doesn't know about being starved out is that like actually all creatives, we are poor.
00:07:46.560
And that's like one of the reasons that we're successful now.
00:07:48.860
It's like you do so much work when you're an artist for free.
00:07:55.200
And then one day you start getting paid for it and you're like, oh, I didn't know that was going to happen for me.
00:08:04.580
I'm like, who do you think can wait each other out longer?
00:08:07.160
Because they've been living off two nickels and a dime for years.
00:08:12.200
You'll run out of truly champagne on your yacht and you'll think about ending it all.
00:08:22.660
I'm going to air dry with no curtains in my house.
00:08:29.480
I can tell you, someone who can live off a budget is someone who freelances or is a creative in the art space, entertainment space, literally at all.
00:08:43.960
You asked me because I'm in two unions right now.
00:08:50.920
And I've got projects in both of those spaces that I can't talk about at all that are so wonderful.
00:08:55.440
And so you asked me before we started recording if I was busy.
00:09:02.220
Because now I'm going to my other art spaces where I'm not in these unions and I'm like, you know, recording music and releasing an album and all this stuff.
00:09:12.680
Like artists have all of these things that we're constantly spinning these plates all the time because we can't stop.
00:09:18.260
But this, you know, Disney villain ass bitch, literally Disney villain ass bitch.
00:09:32.540
And he's like, you guys just, what else do you want?
00:09:51.040
I think the rich think that poor people are like houseplants.
00:09:57.560
We're like taking in the sun and we're like, okay, I guess this will do.
00:10:01.660
They're like, what do you, you mean you can't just lay in the yard?
00:10:11.120
For me, that's, I think, too, what's crazy about that is like most freelancers and anyone
00:10:17.480
in the creative spaces have like mastered, like what you said, they've mastered the art
00:10:24.020
Like the entertainment industry is one of the most fickle other than like sports, right?
00:10:28.520
So like we're kind of equals where like you are never guaranteed anything.
00:10:35.720
It's like, you know, they say like if sharks stop swimming, they'll die.
00:10:39.280
So even when they sleep, they're still swimming.
00:10:42.460
That's, I truly believe that's how all creatives are because you have to learn to live off
00:10:47.300
nothing and truly do it for the love of it and the love of creating and being creative.
00:10:53.380
And only outsiders like, and I outside the craft think that you've ever made it because
00:10:59.100
when you're inside of it, you never feel like you've made it.
00:11:03.560
There are big moments, but the making it is everlasting because you never know if that
00:11:10.660
job you have right now, if you're going to get cut tomorrow, if your character is going
00:11:14.740
to die, if they don't have room for any more writers, if like, you know what I mean?
00:11:19.520
If the single flaps, like you never know when it's going to be the last one.
00:11:27.680
I think that's why I said constantly swimming and I feel like even for me, not to get like
00:11:32.360
existential and super kind of depressing, but like when I went to therapy, like when
00:11:36.260
I started going to therapy, part of the reason, like I wanted to go, like one of my goals
00:11:43.920
And I was telling my therapist that like, I am constantly thinking about the next thing
00:11:49.460
because I have to keep moving in order to keep making money.
00:11:52.320
And as you get bigger and you get more successful and that's great and you make money, hopefully
00:11:57.640
at some point you make money to sustain a lifestyle, like you start taking on more responsibilities.
00:12:02.920
So I start taking care of more people and I start, so there's some, the pressure builds
00:12:10.380
Like you just can't, you can never be absolutely certain that you're going to be working a year
00:12:15.080
So you have to just constantly be, like you said, spinning plates and rolling balls in all different
00:12:20.820
Well, and it's, it's, when I talk to young artists like that are, that have questions
00:12:28.120
about, you know, making art or art industry or whatever, what it's like to work, the big
00:12:33.840
advice that I give now is in the time that you have off, you have to be doing stuff that
00:12:40.280
actually fills your cup because so many of us get lost in the sauce where we're like
00:12:46.360
And then when we're not working, we're like, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God.
00:12:49.400
And it actually makes you so much less dynamic.
00:12:54.120
Like it's so much harder to make art if the only thing that you're doing is making art.
00:12:58.140
I think that's, I've talked to my other creative friends about it, like whether they're
00:13:04.420
And that's, we've all kind of mutually agreed that when we get to that point, that's when
00:13:10.320
Because you're just, you're constantly working, you're finding no joy in it.
00:13:13.540
Now it's just a chore because you're just, you have to do it.
00:13:16.300
You just, you see it as having to do it as opposed to loving doing it, which is why you
00:13:21.420
And you kind of lose that allure, like that, that excitement that you feel about wanting
00:13:29.400
So like, I just, I talk to my fucking self all the time.
00:13:32.340
And at some point, like I started, like, obviously I had like my big growth and I started doing
00:13:40.380
But with social media, it started getting like burnout for me.
00:13:45.400
Cause I'm like, okay, I don't want to hear myself talk anymore.
00:13:48.720
Like I'm just so exhausting, uh, exhausted with myself.
00:13:56.520
I mean, I mean, men can't say that, but I can't say that.
00:14:08.880
Uh, and I think that's when I really started thinking, okay, I got to start taking a step
00:14:13.980
back a little bit and kind of reframing how I see things.
00:14:17.060
Otherwise you just grow this like resentment towards it.
00:14:21.240
Which feels like a champagne problem, especially when you succeed.
00:14:24.880
Like you're just like, this is nobody wants to hear me complain about this awesome job
00:14:31.620
They think, I think they want you to think it's a champagne problem.
00:14:34.980
Like the fact is like, we're still, when you talk about these CEOs that are talking
00:14:41.140
Like that's a champagne problem is really looking at a group of thousands and thousands
00:14:46.480
of people and being like, ugh, paying you makes me want to self harm.
00:14:53.440
Us worrying about like, uh, I make art for myself and for other people because I'm helping
00:15:02.500
And sometimes I get tired and my heart's not in it is not a champagne problem.
00:15:10.400
You pull off your mask and you're my therapist.
00:15:13.820
I just think it's so important to remind each other, like we are, we, as much as like
00:15:25.080
And that, that is, you can, obviously you can put a money value on it, but the value for
00:15:36.220
And that's why it sucks that there are all these puppet masters trying to like convince
00:15:39.560
us that we're being greedy, but it's like, no, I'm, I'm literally giving you pieces of
00:15:44.120
And you're like, like everything I have, like literally everything I have to give.
00:15:49.280
Every, every time I go through a breakup or have, or go through a depressive episode, like
00:15:53.480
thinking about like, okay, how could I synthesize this feeling so I could present it to like
00:15:59.140
young queer kids is like, Hey, I experienced this too.
00:16:01.840
Like here's what I'm doing to take care of myself.
00:16:04.180
You know, like literally giving parts of yourself away.
00:16:17.780
It's like, you want, you want to be able to live off your art.
00:16:30.540
Honestly, basic room and board would be more than okay.
00:16:45.860
I think that's also too, that's a really good point about like creating culture and stuff
00:16:51.460
in the way that, well, that's, that's my whole point of why, why it doesn't make sense
00:16:54.740
to me, why that seems to be such a huge ask to ask for like livable wages.
00:16:59.460
Because there is no entertainment without creatives.
00:17:03.560
Like there is, there is nothing like the whole, I know they're talking about using AI or whatever.
00:17:08.560
That stuff doesn't make sense to me either because I'm like, you've seen, I've seen the
00:17:12.640
AI generated baby pictures and they're horrifying.
00:17:14.880
I can't even imagine trying to make a show with that.
00:17:21.460
Like you're telling me they can create an entire show or movie.
00:17:25.400
There's a dog that has like a Pepsi can for a paw in the background and you're like, no.
00:17:29.600
And they're like, see, like they didn't ask for more money.
00:17:38.440
Oh, and, and I love the AI argument because they're like, see, we can make anything.
00:17:45.580
And you're like, but AI, they're, they're taking the intelligence that they're collecting
00:17:56.780
Like when they're, when they're doing like, oh, AI made this photograph.
00:18:01.640
I'm like, no, I, I actually, I couldn't tell because AI stole this from a series of photographers
00:18:08.680
So it actually did look vaguely familiar and all of it was stolen.
00:18:12.220
It's all just like, it's pulling from things that were created by humans.
00:18:24.760
And they're like, they're going to take over the human race.
00:18:26.680
I'm like, no, like that it's, it's still, I think at this point, the AI conversation is
00:18:33.000
existential, but yeah, really capitalism is the conversation.
00:18:44.820
And truly like we, we get so tired of hearing about the 1%, but it's the 1%.
00:18:48.340
The only thing that the 1% isn't really good at doing is making art.
00:18:52.980
Like they can make money and they can travel and they can do all this stuff, but they're
00:18:59.340
Like, I'm sorry, but to be that high up, you're not good.
00:19:03.600
It's the thing about the same argument where it's like, there's no ethical billionaires.
00:19:07.520
Cause there's just no way there's literally no way you can achieve that level of money without
00:19:13.260
being awful in some respect, like without oppressing people in some respect.
00:19:17.100
Like you have to, in order to reach that level.
00:19:19.900
And without a level of like incredibly like toxic narcissism.
00:19:23.560
And so they, they, like you see it with like these narcissists all the time.
00:19:26.960
It's just like entitlement and this entitlement to other people's, uh, the, the, the narcissist
00:19:32.940
thinks that by being in proximity to greatness, that the narcissist is great, that they can look
00:19:37.520
at you and be like, okay, well I don't have joy, but you have joy.
00:19:47.860
And they don't have beauty and they don't have good.
00:19:49.840
And so they're looking at all these artists that have worked so hard to create our own
00:19:53.700
It's so hard to create our own like taste and create this culture.
00:19:56.380
And they're like, okay, how do we get rid of you?
00:19:59.040
Because every time we look at you, every time you're in a room and we see that you actually
00:20:02.920
dressed yourself and I don't recognize any of these brands because you made the clothes.
00:20:07.100
And all these photos that you took that are on your Instagram that you didn't have to
00:20:13.140
Like that people actually care about what you're creating.
00:20:15.480
I, as the narcissist, I cannot look at you any longer.
00:20:26.420
You just keep doing the next level of their robot.
00:20:32.000
It's like the same thing with, I've had this argument with men, obviously.
00:20:37.460
Because they love a billionaire, like terrible men.
00:20:44.120
I'm not going to talk shit on Elon because I am the next Elon.
00:20:49.160
They're like, well, you know, I mean, real recognize real.
00:20:51.480
So like I get his mindset because I'm also up there with him.
00:21:00.780
With the argument with Elon too is hilarious because they talk about like Tesla or whatever.
00:21:05.340
And I'm always like, he, he purchased that idea from somebody else.
00:21:13.920
It's like they, narcissists like him truly believe that because they had the means, which
00:21:30.800
I'm also a genius because I had the money to buy this from somebody else whose brain
00:21:40.240
And then, and then bought Twitter and tanked Twitter.
00:21:42.760
And like, it's now literally suing the people that allowed him to buy Twitter.
00:21:46.080
Like, he's like, you guys didn't tell me I was going to ruin it.
00:21:49.680
Well, and my favorite, my favorite Elon fact is it was this video about every time I say
00:21:57.960
Every, that video where he was like finally in charge of Tesla and he's like, I know what
00:22:03.020
I'm going to make a wonderful business decision.
00:22:05.020
I'm going to create a tank that you cannot destroy.
00:22:09.160
And so there's this awesome video of him at like a car show and he hands this hammer to
00:22:22.460
And the guy hits the hammer on the glass, but he just like taps it because he's afraid
00:22:31.900
And this dude winds up and he hits this tank and all the glass breaks.
00:22:40.740
And he's in front of an audience and you just hear him go, well, that's not supposed to
00:22:46.420
And he's like, cut the cameras, cut the cameras.
00:22:52.200
He hits it and then he goes, why would you do that?
00:22:58.500
Who here said to hit that as hard as you could?
00:23:14.600
I don't know if you've ever seen that clip of, you know, Ray J.
00:23:19.140
There's like a clip of him on a show of some kind and he comes out with like, I think
00:23:28.420
I think they're like reading glasses, but they're also like cool stylish glasses.
00:23:34.400
And then the host is like, I'm feeling it right now and I feel like I could break them.
00:23:43.880
And then he was like, you really want me to try and break them?
00:23:46.500
And then he just snaps them in half easily with very little force.
00:23:53.860
I know exactly what video you're talking about.
00:23:56.580
And I'm starting to realize in this moment that it's my favorite genre of video.
00:24:07.160
It is the most rock hard thing that you've ever felt.
00:24:17.800
They're also not like quick enough to like make up a lie and be like, that was a test and you failed.
00:24:28.060
They're like the most toxic of users and they're bad at it.
00:24:31.260
Like, yeah, it's just like when I tell people like when sometimes because men, obviously my job is literally terrorizing them on the Internet.
00:24:39.300
And sometimes they'll be so violently racist towards me, obviously, because they're bigoted and they kiss their mom on the mouth.
00:24:46.480
And then they'll tell me like they'll they'll be so racist towards me, but they pick the wrong race.
00:24:52.140
And then I'm like, you can't even be bigoted correctly.
00:25:14.240
They would they would no way they would let you.
00:25:21.020
The gold standard of online casinos has arrived.
00:25:23.860
Golden Nugget Online Casino is live, bringing Vegas style excitement and a world class gaming experience right to your fingertips.
00:25:31.460
Whether you're a seasoned player or just starting, signing up is fast and simple.
00:25:35.740
And in just a few clicks, you can have access to our exclusive library of the best slots and top tier table games.
00:25:41.960
Make the most of your downtime with unbeatable promotions and jackpots that can turn any mundane moment into a golden opportunity at Golden Nugget Online Casino.
00:25:51.640
Take a spin on the slots, challenge yourself at the tables, or join a live dealer game to feel the thrill of real-time action.
00:26:00.340
Why settle for less when you can go for the gold at Golden Nugget Online Casino.
00:26:24.260
Someone told me something absolutely unbelievable about a man that I despise, right?
00:26:29.700
And I can't say who it was, but like, I truly was like, oh my God.
00:26:34.660
When she told me this news, and it was just about this horrible dude.
00:26:37.900
And she told me, she told me that he paid a woman $1,700 to see her boobs.
00:26:49.460
When you hear that, you're like, that's unbelievable.
00:27:06.960
I told her, girl, the way that I think men are so fucking dumb.
00:27:10.800
Like, when she told me that, I was like, girl, men are so stupid.
00:27:14.100
That's genuinely hitting me in like the most like cringe area of my body.
00:27:25.460
You know, you could just Google boobs and like, you don't, it doesn't have to cost you a dollar.
00:27:31.840
But then the kink for him must be like having no money and using the last of his funds to
00:27:38.220
Like, that's the, the whole kink has to be it because boobs are so readily available.
00:27:50.880
I just want to let the audience know that we had to take a break because the producers
00:27:55.820
came in and said, you're, you're bashing men too much.
00:27:59.160
And now you have to name five things you like about them.
00:28:06.320
It's a pathetically small gun and I'm not afraid to die.
00:28:23.820
Like, can you imagine going like, like ballooning in payments on your credit card because you
00:28:49.080
I don't know why I was like telling my, why was I telling my in-laws this?
00:28:53.900
I was like telling them about how like girls make money, like selling even like feet pics.
00:29:14.080
And I was like, by people, I think you mean men majority.
00:29:22.180
But I, I think I have a fascination with men's attitude towards sex because they act like
00:29:29.360
And I'm like, no dog, I'd be doing it all the time.
00:29:32.380
It's actually quite easy when you're not awful.
00:29:36.560
But I think what they're really not addressing is like their bad personalities and personal
00:29:43.040
And I'm like, no, people, people want to fuck all the time because it feels nice.
00:29:46.860
People don't want to fuck you because you're mean.
00:29:55.000
Once again, I think too, like even with, uh, I talked about that with Caleb, like, cause
00:30:00.460
Caleb was like, actually, like, if you just like, I don't know, like have like a favorite
00:30:04.080
artist or something, it's pretty easy to talk to women and then hopefully get laid at some
00:30:10.240
Like it's pretty, if you like listen to them and you're nice, you have to like women
00:30:17.700
I do think that we're having, I think we're in this like really clear cultural moment where
00:30:24.460
we're finding out that men don't like women truly actually though, like they're attracted
00:30:37.780
And then they start doing this and I just, that didn't seem like part of the package when
00:30:43.600
And so, but that's, you know, that's the real, that's the real, like kind of funny thing
00:30:48.100
about entitlement is like, you know, raising these, these boys to believe that they will
00:30:52.940
Like what they didn't do is inherit any skills or listening ability.
00:30:57.340
And so everybody else, like women and queer people, like all of us had to like, we grew
00:31:04.740
up being like, you're not going to get anything.
00:31:06.200
And we were like, okay, well, I guess I'll learn to read and then we can go on.
00:31:14.140
And then we go on dates and we're like, what skills did you develop to survive?
00:31:21.860
And guys, they go on dates with you and they're like, well, I guess like here you are.
00:31:30.400
We're going to switch gears really quick so I can tell ER about my horrible experience
00:31:37.440
Basically I went and I was like feeling myself.
00:31:39.740
I was feeling good, feeling cute, feeling fresh.
00:31:43.620
The first time I fell, I've never fallen at anything.
00:31:54.840
And so like the first time I fell, this is like tea, right?
00:31:58.540
The first time I fell, I fell in front of a man that I don't like personally.
00:32:06.820
I don't like him because he was extremely rude to me the first time I met him and he was just
00:32:15.120
Which is so funny to me because like, look at me.
00:32:18.300
Like, do I look like the bitch that's in your demographic?
00:32:22.600
Do any of the bitches who like you look like me?
00:32:24.840
So like, I don't know why you're shocked and I don't know what the fuck your name is.
00:32:28.480
So he and I, like the first time we met, he was so rude to me.
00:32:32.800
And I made a mean ass joke back, which roused the crowd, made him hate me more.
00:32:39.360
But he's also afraid of me, so he's never going to talk about me.
00:32:42.260
So you know, fast forward to Elizabeth and I ate shit in front of him.
00:32:53.400
And then I thought to myself, you kind of ate me up.
00:33:07.120
I know every moment in my life where I've had a, okay.
00:33:14.100
Like it's one to one because there are so few instances where I've lost.
00:33:19.980
Where someone's been rude and I haven't been able to like top it with like a funny joke.
00:33:23.500
And so every single one that I've missed where I've been like, you got me.
00:33:39.380
Like when he did that and I saw it and I got up and I was like, no, sick love.
00:33:48.960
I was telling my sister was with me and I was telling, I was like, he kind of ate me up.
00:33:58.180
I was like, maybe we are, maybe we have a lot more in common than I thought.
00:34:04.720
And I even remember thinking, I'm like, next time we meet, maybe we'll be friends.
00:34:10.700
When I was a teenager, I got in a fist fight with this girl.
00:34:15.240
And we were like truly so evenly matched that at one point we were like.
00:34:20.780
We stopped mid ass kicking and we became really close.
00:34:29.280
We were like, I guess this would go on forever.
00:34:41.140
We're beating each other's ass and then like kind of fall in love.
00:34:45.900
Like, you're all, this is something I need to confront.
00:34:50.980
Let's put a pin in this fight and I'll come back.
00:35:03.060
This was actually, this was a middle school fight.
00:35:08.420
And we got in this fight and then became really close.
00:35:11.060
And then shortly after I started dating my first girl.
00:35:16.260
And that was, well, you know, first girl, first girl, first kill, very first kill.
00:35:24.060
I've been listening to that phrase recently and I just want to tell the children that's
00:35:29.140
We, we would just say your number, like the number of people you slept with body count.
00:35:36.020
What are y'all doing to each other that you're calling it a body count?
00:35:49.700
The way that, uh, especially like every man that spawns out of a sewage drain, um,
00:35:55.300
starts a podcast and then goes bald simultaneously.
00:36:01.380
And when they do it, they talk about body count all the time.
00:36:04.540
And they're like, oh, well, you know, if she has a high body count and she, it's like
00:36:10.900
They're like, well, you wouldn't buy a car with a lot of miles on it.
00:36:14.240
And I was like, and I wouldn't come to your house and kill you with a gun.
00:36:34.760
I will always like, if you have to like make up metaphors about inanimate objects in order
00:36:39.120
to prove why you're involuntarily celibate, I think that you have a bigger problem.
00:36:47.720
It was like, you know, that, that like male philosopher vibe and it was this guy being
00:36:52.720
like, well, how do you feel about when people say, and I'm saying this to a woman, um, cause
00:36:57.940
she's talking about, he's asked her about her body count and she, and he's like, well,
00:37:01.700
what about how if a key fits in many locks, you call it a master key.
00:37:09.640
But if a lot fits any key, it's called a shitty lock.
00:37:22.680
I believe climate change is happening to kill off specifically men.
00:37:35.260
I think that God is starting the climate change at the nutsack.
00:37:42.860
He's starting, he's rapturing and he's starting with y'all.
00:37:44.940
He heard y'all say that thing about like a master key versus a shitty lock.
00:37:48.480
And he's like, he said, fast forward it, move it up a hundred years.
00:37:57.420
That key and lock bullshit as I made a video about that once.
00:38:01.060
And I was like, well, you know who has a lot of keys?
00:38:10.960
If a woman is having sex all the time, it's probably cause she's good at it and she enjoys
00:38:16.460
it, which I think is actually the thing that they don't like about it.
00:38:24.360
Well, then she's not going to be impressed by me.
00:38:28.260
They have to find virgins because they're like, ugh, when I smash this thing into her,
00:38:38.520
Which is like, I think kind of the opposite in gay world.
00:38:41.120
We like, we like love it when you've had multiple partners because we're like, oh, you
00:38:46.040
You know, I just saw two girls, they have like their own podcast and they were talking
00:38:52.260
about this fallacy of body count or whatever, especially when it comes to men, I'm talking
00:38:56.800
And they were saying that they think when men have a lot of sexual partners, it means that
00:39:02.640
they're not good in bed because no one comes back.
00:39:05.840
Like you have no repeats at all because they're like, that was the worst two minutes of my life.
00:39:11.560
Whereas when women have a lot of sexual partners, it means she's really good in bed because she's
00:39:22.900
She gets to decide, especially according to their rhetoric.
00:39:25.440
It's like, well, women, like it's a lot harder for men to have sex because women get
00:39:30.400
I'm like, yeah, because you guys would fuck a hole in a tree.
00:39:33.920
And listen, if I had a penis, I'd probably try to fuck a tree too.
00:39:42.860
Like I've been around a lot of trees recently that I'm like, but I can't because I'm not
00:39:52.080
But you know, eight to 12 inches, which is how big my spiritual dick is away from the
00:40:02.820
And I wish more people would be honest like yourself.
00:40:09.780
My mom's like trying to like constantly trying to figure out, I think what's happening for
00:40:13.400
And I'm just going to be like, it's actually just tree fucking.
00:40:38.460
But you say you have to, you have to have notes though in order to get it.
00:40:50.040
Our topic for today is non-binary representation in media.
00:40:53.640
Because obviously ER is non-binary and someone who is trailblazing in the world of media.
00:41:05.700
And, uh, you know, there are so many people that have been non-binary before me.
00:41:14.320
And I think, I think the, the thing that made it special at right around that time is actually
00:41:22.720
that it was, it was not that this thing had not existed.
00:41:24.920
It was the, I happened to be on TV when the conversation was really starting in a large way.
00:41:33.060
Kind of across the general public for the first time.
00:41:35.880
Like in feminist circles, women and gender studies, when in that talk about the two spirit,
00:41:42.220
We, a lot of people have been having this conversation.
00:41:46.900
And so I was really lucky in that way to be able to become like a person that people could
00:41:52.420
point to as an example of what they were talking about when this conversation was getting started.
00:41:57.120
Have you seen, like, especially when you were on TV and obviously you're like extremely
00:42:02.120
representative of a very underrepresented, uh, group in, especially in the world of entertainment,
00:42:09.500
Um, did you see like a, did you feel like any sort of pressure because you're like kind
00:42:14.060
of like braving it alone for a little bit as far as like in the public eye on, in mainstream
00:42:18.900
media, or did you feel like almost like, I don't know, I guess I honored to carry the torch
00:42:26.340
Like I, I think that you do carrying the torch is pressure.
00:42:31.340
Like you think about those poor motherfuckers at the Olympics that are like actually carrying
00:42:39.820
Like you wouldn't be running the whole time and like the anxiety, if you trip, if that
00:42:45.660
flame goes out, like literally the whole world is watching and you're like, like, sorry
00:42:52.560
I feel that way all the time about queer stuff.
00:43:05.820
And so it was a lot of the literature that I was consuming anyway was helping me be on,
00:43:10.940
helping me get the footing to be able to have those conversations.
00:43:14.280
It's always scary when you become a representative because you're also the constantly trying to
00:43:20.940
talk to the audience about like, we're not a monolith and like especially trans and non-binary
00:43:24.800
people, like we all look very, very different and have different relationships with our
00:43:29.940
But it does make you when you become like an activist or like a mouthpiece for your community,
00:43:35.520
you have to be really careful to make sure that you're being as inclusive as possible.
00:43:41.100
And also, you know, you can look at different non-binary representatives and each one of us
00:43:47.300
are doing something different for our community.
00:43:49.040
And so some of us are being like, this is, this is the really heady conversation or this
00:43:57.820
I've really tried to have a conversation about like joy.
00:44:03.620
Which is like really important, especially now.
00:44:07.000
And, and frankly, using like white privilege and skinny privilege to have a conversation
00:44:12.720
about being non-binary in spaces where like brown people might not be invited.
00:44:19.300
Or now we're having a conversation about non-binary people who are also plus size, like not going
00:44:25.420
And so I'm worming my way in and being like a representative in those spaces where other
00:44:29.640
people might not be allowed and trying to, to broaden the public's understanding.
00:44:39.460
I think that's so wonderful and also important, especially when you talk about leveraging privilege
00:44:45.140
in order to like keep the door open because it's hard enough as it is to get in, but you
00:44:52.280
In which you sit oppressed and then it gets even harder to get through the door.
00:44:56.460
And so I think, I guess like my other question would be, do you feel, do you feel like the
00:45:03.780
tides have shifted at all because of the exposure?
00:45:08.440
I know it's also very awful because there's a lot of, and I've talked about this on the
00:45:11.500
show before, but there's like a lot of like anti-trans like legislation going on right
00:45:16.100
And there's a lot of erasure, especially when it comes to the trans community as a whole
00:45:21.340
So do you think that it's moving positively at least a little bit, even if it feels like
00:45:31.060
The, the answer is that we can see movements like this throughout time to varying degrees
00:45:41.640
So like, if you look at slavery right after slavery is not beautiful emancipation, it's
00:45:51.620
And you have the, the seventies movement where we like pass the ERA, it goes straight into
00:45:56.720
the eighties, which is like a seriously neoliberal, like toxically capitalist time where women are
00:46:02.520
kind of sent back into the home in this awful way after being told that they were going to
00:46:07.640
Like after every movement gains, after every like group of oppressed people gets a freedom
00:46:13.400
or a liberty or even a bit of confidence, which I think is what you were saying with
00:46:17.000
transness, there is a backlash to it and they, the, they're obsessed with us.
00:46:22.860
Like these people that hate trans people, they're obsessed with us and they're only obsessed
00:46:27.900
with us because when you're at the top of the pyramid, which we understand there doesn't
00:46:32.400
need to be a pyramid, but they're at the top of it.
00:46:34.520
They're constantly having to kick people down to make sure that they stay on the point.
00:46:39.460
And so they're watching trans people be like, you know what?
00:46:46.080
I love my community and I actually don't even need to be on the pyramid.
00:46:49.820
And so instead of even having to kick trans people down, they're flailing because we're
00:46:54.780
like, no, no, no, we don't want to, we don't want the fucking pyramid.
00:47:04.860
And the thing that actually destroys a white supremacist, patriarchal, capitalist pyramid
00:47:16.980
It's the same conversation about entitlement and narcissism that we're starting to have
00:47:20.980
of like the way that you hurt a narcissist is by not giving them energy at all.
00:47:28.420
I, I can't, I like legitimately am grateful every day I was not born straight.
00:47:41.180
It's, it's, I mean, talking about these conversations with men, like I, we're legitimately getting
00:47:46.140
to a point where I think women are starting to see like that, like cis at women that love
00:47:51.700
I, queer people are like, we're praying for you, girl.
00:47:56.400
Because men are getting so, so much more violent right now in a really pushbacky way where like
00:48:06.360
We've had this trans empowerment movement and men are responding with violence.
00:48:11.940
You know, these, these acts of domestic terrorism are increasing.
00:48:15.100
And so while it's violent now, it's violent because we are making progress.
00:48:27.560
It's like, uh, they like this idea of like cat and mouse.
00:48:31.800
And then when you just remove yourself entirely from it, they feel powerless, which is the whole
00:48:37.280
And I think even with my, my platform specifically, like obviously like I fuck up terrible dudes
00:48:43.660
all the time, willingly and happily and voluntarily at the same time though, I feel like for a
00:48:49.880
while, especially in the beginning, there was this conversation that was almost being had every
00:48:53.840
three to six months where like a new white dude would find me and be like, she's just so mean.
00:49:01.260
I am very fucking mean, probably the meanest person they'll ever come across.
00:49:07.280
And I'm like, I'm a fucking, I'm a cunt and I will be one if I need to be.
00:49:16.360
Um, I have the ability to be really fucking mean and I only do it to mean and awful people.
00:49:21.100
So, and I feel like what they hate the most, and I had this conversation even on my TikTok
00:49:26.140
recently where they want to talk about looks, like they want to call you fat and ugly.
00:49:30.000
They'll say that to the prettiest, skinniest bitch in the world.
00:49:32.720
They're going to say it no matter what, because it's a power play.
00:49:35.420
It's a way for them to feel power and like they're exerting something over you.
00:49:39.680
And I've told my followers before, like when you remove yourself from the male gaze and
00:49:44.500
you remove male validation from your brain and you like realize that validation doesn't
00:49:49.340
need to come from anyone but me, anyone but me and people in my immediate circle that I
00:49:53.680
love and care about are the only people whose opinions should matter to me.
00:49:59.720
So when you take that power from them, they have like nowhere to go.
00:50:03.660
Like you say they call you ugly and you're like, okay.
00:50:12.600
Like when they call me fat and ugly, like they'll say the worst things about my looks
00:50:17.060
And you look like you work, like you sell turf in a Sam's club and that's my fault.
00:50:23.820
You shouldn't say that to me because they're just so not used to women.
00:50:27.920
Not giving a shit if they don't find you attractive like anyone at all.
00:50:32.760
And they're used to, this is like, I, I named my EP that's coming out violence because I've
00:50:40.480
had this like obsession recently with violence.
00:50:43.260
And I think part of it was, you know, reading all this, this, these books about queerness
00:50:47.980
and about different forms of community and communism and communalism and basically thinking
00:50:54.920
about this myth of, um, um, pacifism and that we, we as women and queer people and trans
00:51:04.300
people are, and the black community and people of color, like truly all of these marginalized
00:51:09.220
communities are supposed to take violence from the middle in stride.
00:51:16.480
And we are supposed to be quote unquote better than them.
00:51:27.340
I'm, I'm, I'm reorienting myself towards violence and it might not look the same as their violence.
00:51:42.060
It's that I have a community I love and I'm going to take care of it by all means necessary.
00:51:50.960
And I will not watch violence happen to my community and not respond without violence.
00:52:04.500
You, you, you make the comment of like, you know, and I'm the meanest person.
00:52:07.680
We've, we've, we both were like trained in this way to, I think, make those comments.
00:52:12.680
And Caleb would probably joke about himself in the same way.
00:52:15.760
Caleb Hearn, who I was just listening to y'all's episode.
00:52:18.560
But the fact is you're a very obviously joyful person, which is why people tune in.
00:52:33.060
And so it's, I have men in my life that I love.
00:52:35.840
And it's, we have been hearing for so long that queer people are disgusting and trans
00:52:43.500
people deserve to die and women should be sexually assaulted if they don't behave.
00:52:48.060
And so we make jokes about sperm count decreasing and men respond with, you should die.
00:52:59.380
And I've even told, I even told someone too once that like they, well, first of all,
00:53:05.260
you react to my reaction as opposed to reacting to the bigotry first.
00:53:08.860
That's your first knee jerk thing is to react to me and not to someone who antagonized me.
00:53:17.380
Like me not being thin and white plays a huge factor, which I've talked about.
00:53:20.900
But talking about race makes them go like, like they start sputtering and they don't
00:53:29.500
Like they just like, because it's true and it is applicable in every situation.
00:53:38.160
And I, and I even think too, like I told someone the fact that you think that I should
00:53:43.960
like you feel entitled to a calm and like reasonable and level-headed response to your
00:53:54.700
You feel entitled to it, even no matter how awful you are to any marginalized person with
00:54:00.200
no provocation and for no fucking reason, um, you feel entitled to their patience and
00:54:05.620
their kindness because that is what you've always been afforded your entire life.
00:54:09.960
Like I've talked about how they hate me so much because my platform is the one table
00:54:14.580
they don't have a seat at and you don't get to defend yourself.
00:54:23.080
Like if I, I get to decide the media that is consumed on mine, I get to tell my loyal subjects
00:54:31.460
And they're smart enough to know the difference.
00:54:33.840
So that's why I'm like, that's why I have a platform.
00:54:44.060
I'm like, just cause I tell people to suck my wiener doesn't mean that I'm not smart enough
00:54:47.520
to have a conversation about intersectionality.
00:54:50.220
If you don't recognize that the term wiener is satire, you shouldn't be in the comment
00:55:01.140
One time I was talking about, um, I saw something on Twitter, which like that app is absolute
00:55:08.840
dumpster fire, but I saw someone being fat phobic as they typically are on their, like
00:55:16.180
Like, I thought it was all the world's best people.
00:55:22.540
And I, uh, saw this guy just, they just rip videos from other platforms.
00:55:27.880
And it's like, it's literally just normal women going through the work day and eating.
00:55:36.480
And it's just a bunch of like horrible pussy list losers.
00:55:40.140
It's just all like being like, oh, disgusting, disgusting.
00:55:43.220
And I was talking about like, I was like the people in the responses to this deserve nothing
00:55:48.880
Like truly, like you will wander through life aimless and without fulfillment for the rest
00:55:53.360
of your lives because the universe is going to withhold that from an awful fucking person
00:55:58.440
And someone tried to talk to me about like, oh, it's processed foods.
00:56:02.100
I'm like the way all of you get an MD, the minute you see a fat person living is crazy.
00:56:06.820
You see that person eating a snack online and they're like, well, clearly they have all
00:56:15.280
Listen to me when I say this men's obsession with women's eating.
00:56:29.900
Even when I say them, when they try to comment on my body, I'm like, well, send me a picture
00:56:51.380
And I even talked to someone like they literally were like, oh, it's all processed foods, like
00:56:55.180
And I even said in my thing, I'm like, do y'all want to have a conversation about why
00:56:58.680
some people only have access to processed foods?
00:57:01.220
Do you guys really, do you guys want to talk about redlining?
00:57:05.920
I was like, or does the conversation only begin and end with fat phobia?
00:57:11.880
Then they're like, ah, you take things so seriously.
00:57:16.900
The way that they've weaponized, it was just a joke.
00:57:28.840
I literally, I went to dinner with Caleb and he had said, we were talking about that, like
00:57:35.320
how men like truly, they'll make one fat joke and they're like, I should quit my job.
00:57:44.580
Girl, go workshop a type five at the Laugh Factory tomorrow.
00:57:50.540
My favorite, when I was like 18 or 19, I was like starting in Chicago and I was like
00:57:55.880
going to see standup to see if it was something I wanted to do.
00:57:58.040
And I went to this open mic and it was, this guy was up there and it was me and another
00:58:04.780
person and we were the only not male people in this space.
00:58:08.260
And he immediately was like, oh, we got two ladies here.
00:58:18.320
And then his set truly started with like, I hate my girlfriend.
00:58:26.280
And we were like, okay, well, we should head out.
00:58:31.220
And mind you, he'd just been like, hey, beautiful girlies, girlies, girlies, ladies, girls.
00:58:36.020
And so we stood up to leave and he was like, fuck you, bitch.
00:58:44.160
We had not interacted at all outside of him being on stage.
00:58:54.240
And so I actually came on this podcast to thank him.
00:59:10.820
Me going into the world and being like, I feel like if I have sex with some more men, maybe
00:59:15.680
it will make my mom realize how hard I tried to be straight.
00:59:19.360
And then every time I would do it, I'd be like, so sad.
00:59:32.720
I realized it was because I was having an experience of being like, my body's beautiful.
00:59:37.160
You're just looking at yourself the whole time.
00:59:46.180
Then checking in with him and being like, shut up.
00:59:54.580
When I was having sex with men, I feel the same way about my body that I do when I
00:59:58.140
have my period, which is like most of the time I feel very genderless.
01:00:00.560
And then when I'm on my period, I full ass am the most beautiful woman on earth.
01:00:08.340
And my like tits get massive and I'm walking around and I'm like kind of glowing and I'm
01:00:16.120
And then my period stops and I'm like, oh, these bags of Sam's.
01:00:24.340
And you're like, I don't know that person at all.
01:00:46.100
Just put it on, turn it into a different person.
01:00:52.280
Jim Carrey in the mask is the trans experience.
01:01:01.740
I think the experience with like, that's so real.
01:01:10.540
It's like, I've talked about before how like men, when men are like, oh, I'm not attracted
01:01:17.980
That's why you've commented on my last 10 photos.
01:01:24.460
People that I find disgusting, I follow them on everything.
01:01:30.180
When in reality, we don't even know that they exist.
01:01:32.520
Like when I don't find you attractive and I go to your profile and I, cause I'm trying
01:01:39.240
But I like go to the thing and it's, it's like just the American flag.
01:01:43.140
And then you've got three photos of you sitting on the back of your truck.
01:01:46.860
And once I see who you are, I never think about you ever again for the rest of my life
01:02:00.480
And when I go to your profile and I see that it's just some woman with like a cross, it's
01:02:14.740
Nobody's less important to anyone than y'all are to me.
01:02:18.220
I couldn't pick you out of the lineup to be honest with you.
01:02:23.620
Like when you cut them and then you just open them, they're all exactly the same.
01:02:28.640
Like it's, I had a guy literally like two days ago.
01:02:32.840
So he wrote on a picture of my, my boyfriend, like who's like an avid and active, like intersectional
01:02:42.080
I mean, obviously he's with me and lucky him, but if he was the worst, he wouldn't be with
01:02:50.460
And we were, he had posted like it was a brand deal.
01:02:53.680
And so, uh, with our favorite, one of our favorite companies change who I did like clothing
01:02:59.740
Cause they're like me just doing an ad for them, but they're just like set their size and
01:03:02.820
inclusive and genderless clothing, which we love and stand.
01:03:08.000
So they have this shirt that we did, um, brand deals for.
01:03:11.340
And it says like respecting, only respecting women you're attracted to is not respecting
01:03:18.820
And so my boyfriend posted pictures in it and obviously he loves the shirt.
01:03:22.400
We both, uh, love, like we both advertise the same article of clothing.
01:03:27.480
And this guy literally commented on the picture and was talking shit on me, like basically
01:03:43.680
I have no respect for men who are, who hate women for no fucking reason.
01:03:49.400
Uh, so I'm allowed to call them ugly by the rules, like by the rules that you're laying
01:03:55.240
And I said, I've said misogynists are ugly and that includes you.
01:03:58.660
That's like all I wrote back to him and you're proving my point once again at another point
01:04:05.060
I think, I think most of the time when, when I'm thinking about appearance, I actually have
01:04:11.920
a really serious filter in my brain where if you're a good person, I will genuinely be
01:04:17.140
like, they're the hottest person that ever lived.
01:04:20.120
And the minute that you're a bully, I'll like, look at your page.
01:04:26.560
Disgust and disdain and just everything about you makes, gives me the ick.
01:04:30.500
And it's actually, it's actually feels physical to me where people will be like, oh, I know
01:04:35.440
he did that thing, but he's so hot and I legitimately cannot see it.
01:04:44.140
It's so important, but we are in an industry where people are beautiful.
01:04:49.100
And that is a benefit to, that's like a benefit to your job is being an attractive person in
01:04:57.400
Like, I'm not out here being like wowed by like other celebrities that I'm working with.
01:05:02.640
I'm like wowed when someone is really kind and talks to the PAs.
01:05:12.760
Like, I'm like, wow, what a stunningly gorgeous person.
01:05:23.780
Like men, men see women as objects and with no autonomy or brain or, or thoughts or feelings,
01:05:32.460
And, but it also, at the same time, they're so fickle with that ideology too, because I
01:05:38.720
don't know if you saw recently, but like, I guess on Twitter, there was like this trend
01:05:42.220
going around where they were calling Margot Robbie and Zendaya ugly.
01:05:50.820
What the fuck are you talking, like respectfully, what the fuck are you talking about?
01:05:54.260
And I talked about it in a video because I'm like, these men, like, like, I just like
01:05:59.560
respectfully or disrespectfully, I don't give a fuck how you take it.
01:06:08.420
Like, if you were in front, like, let's just say Margot Robbie lost her mind for a second
01:06:12.840
and was like, you, I want you to come to my house and kiss me on the lips.
01:06:17.980
You're telling me that you'd be like, you're ugly.
01:06:22.080
Like, you're the same guy who would pay $1,700 to see a picture of boobs.
01:06:27.220
I think that men feel the same way about women that I feel about an Alexa, where they're
01:06:33.820
like, they are looking at this thing as an object.
01:06:36.080
So when it has thoughts and feelings, they're like, shut up.
01:06:38.720
And when I want to turn on a radio and it's like, what do you want to listen to?
01:06:52.000
You have one job and you're not even doing that.
01:06:58.140
And I even told, that's why I said like, male validation is fucking worthless.
01:07:05.460
And I was like, it's because it just, it doesn't mean anything.
01:07:08.520
Like they're going to look at Zendan and be like, ugly girl.
01:07:11.940
And then the only pictures they could use of her were pictures where she's playing someone
01:07:20.540
And they're like, well, look, oh, and I'm sorry, but like, and even then she has no makeup
01:07:26.740
It's one of the hotter things I've ever seen her do with Euphoria because you realize like
01:07:31.640
just how like bare bones, like she has to be to be that gorgeous.
01:07:37.120
And was like the so queer chic, like beautiful fucking like under eye lines and like all this
01:07:44.480
like, oh my God, and the big hair and the baggy clothing.
01:07:51.160
I don't know what the fuck y'all are talking about.
01:07:55.940
Cause I'm also getting to the age where like, I, you know, that, that like, that, like Tom
01:08:00.900
Holland is coming up and you know, he's, he's like this like sex icon for like, I guess
01:08:09.000
And then I look it up and he's like 22 and I'm like, what?
01:08:15.220
So then, so I, it's, it's a really funny thing with Zendaya where I just wasn't paying attention
01:08:19.680
to her at all because she was younger and I hadn't grown up watching her on like Disney
01:08:23.960
And then I was like, this is our next queer icon.
01:08:28.540
Literally had no idea, had no idea that this was like the most famous person on earth known
01:08:35.700
Well, and I think too, like part of the allure to someone like Tom Holland is how he is
01:08:42.040
Like that's like a huge portion of like what fine, what women find attractive about him.
01:08:49.740
Because he's like, he's not ugly by any means, but she is like a showstoppingly beautiful.
01:08:56.460
Like she is just like truly like you couldn't find a face like that.
01:08:59.240
Like she's gorgeous, like so incredibly unique in the way she looks.
01:09:03.940
And he is just like in love with her and he's a white thing ever.
01:09:13.480
Like he's just like, he's a good looking white man.
01:09:16.780
And she's like a jaw dropping one of a kind face and talent.
01:09:20.760
And that's why you like, people are like, oh my God, he's so sexy.
01:09:28.380
And he respects her and loves her and doesn't stand on like an apple box on the red carpet.
01:09:33.540
But next to her, like lets her wear heels, lets her, but like has, you know, she wears
01:09:37.380
heels and he's like looking up at her and all these photos.
01:09:50.340
And that's, it goes back to what we said at the very beginning, which is like, it's actually
01:09:54.940
If you're a man who is attracted to women, it's quite easy to catch their fancy as, as long
01:10:01.300
as you're nice, but that's too big of an ask for a lot of y'all.
01:10:05.820
If you take out sex, if you take out like male and female and you have a conversation
01:10:10.700
about gender, that's not like focused on American culturalism.
01:10:15.000
So it's not about masculinity being dominating and femininity being like small and helpless
01:10:19.900
So the, the real conversation that you can start to have is that masculinity is this beautiful,
01:10:27.680
sweet, joyful little ball of chaos that we love.
01:10:31.900
Like, like I, I find that that is like how my masculinity shows itself in the playful side
01:10:39.560
And in the reverse of that femininity over here is this big, wide, beautiful, powerful, calm.
01:10:50.480
And so if you look at masculinity and femininity and why they pair so well together is masculinity
01:10:55.380
really entertains femininity because it's so calm and beautiful and big.
01:10:59.880
And here's this small, chaotic, joyful little thing.
01:11:03.040
And then in real life, oftentimes a masked person or a male person tends to be bigger.
01:11:10.160
So they're physically bigger, but that, what that can really equate to is if I'm bigger than
01:11:16.340
So I'm getting to serve this thing that is spiritually larger than me, which is how I
01:11:22.360
I'm getting to, with my little joyful ball of chaos, I get to be, I'm bigger than my
01:11:27.880
partner and I get to spiritually like, or physically foster her vastness.
01:11:33.320
And I think that American men in particular think that masculinity is I'm bigger than her,
01:11:38.760
so I'm better than her and I have to keep her in her place.
01:11:42.640
But because that means that they don't understand femininity, it means they can't fuck and it
01:11:51.180
It's because you do not love femininity for exactly what it is, which is the biggest thing
01:11:58.440
I think to go based off what you just said, that's another reason why I think my community
01:12:05.340
that I've built online is obsessed with my boyfriend because I'm someone who's like large
01:12:11.980
and loud physically and spiritually and like, I'm someone who takes up a lot of space and
01:12:21.220
likes to be confident and assured in who I am and what I want in this life.
01:12:30.780
It's one of the reasons why he fell in love with me, which is so anti like man, according
01:12:39.800
He lets me be large and beautiful and take up space because that's something that drew
01:12:47.040
So he knows it's going to draw other people to me.
01:12:52.140
Like he's, he's attracted to it because he finds beauty and joy in it.
01:12:57.040
And he wants other people to experience that too about me.
01:12:59.980
And that's me just gassing myself, but that's him.
01:13:05.160
And he's told me like, that's, I made him want to be a better man.
01:13:10.460
I made him want to try harder and be more loving and empathetic and open.
01:13:13.900
And that's all you can really ask of a partner, right?
01:13:16.140
Like someone who makes you want to be a better person.
01:13:18.300
So that's why I'm like binary aside, cause gender is not real.
01:13:23.120
But if we were to operate within it, like if you just give your partner the space to be who they really are, you'll like, you'll experience love and happiness too.
01:13:39.120
Like you'll level up and you'll be somebody who went their whole life.
01:13:43.540
Like I had a guy once tell me like, if I had seen her five years ago, I would have hated her too.
01:13:49.220
Like if I had seen her, like it was like a cis straight white man.
01:13:53.140
And he's like, but five years ago, like I was miserable and I was unhappy.
01:13:58.880
Like he really sat with himself and was like, why am I so unhappy?
01:14:04.180
And he did a lot of reading and he read a lot about, you know, the different systemic oppression structures that exist in our world.
01:14:18.280
And he educated himself and he realized that he was so unhappy because he was trying to fit into a box that didn't leave him any space to truly be who he wanted to be without fear of judgment or retaliation because men are violent.
01:14:34.100
So he said once he came to terms with that and he did all this reading and he became a better person, he like found a better life.
01:14:41.100
Like he found love and happiness and joy and fulfillment.
01:14:44.640
And so he was like, I'm grateful now that I existed in a like in a space where I could like confront that and be honest with myself and move forward and grow.
01:14:56.800
And he was saying how he compared me to the story of like a dog and a nail.
01:15:00.360
And he was saying like every day you hear a dog sit on a nail and it yelps, but it never moves.
01:15:06.760
And when when you ask, like, why does the dog keep sitting if it hurts?
01:15:11.020
The answer is because it doesn't hurt enough yet.
01:15:13.560
So he's like someone like her needs to hurt people just enough for them to really think about like, why do why does she bother me so much?
01:15:25.960
And you kind of confront your own internalized biases.
01:15:28.500
Well, and in de-centering himself, he finds community.
01:15:31.980
Actually, you can't be in the middle of something and not feel isolated.
01:15:36.140
Like once you become once you start to really listen to and like gather other people around you in a respectful and beautiful way.
01:15:43.340
You find that group that you're looking for and then you're not as lonely.
01:15:46.640
But if you were the center of the universe, what a lonely place to be.
01:15:53.360
It's like and no one wants to be around you because you think you're the center of the fucking universe.
01:15:57.540
So speaking of community, though, and finding community.
01:16:01.380
Let's talk about the community you found within music.
01:16:04.480
What's going on with you and your music journey?
01:16:09.360
I've got a bunch of friends that are doing really well in the music space and they are all queer.
01:16:21.800
I was doing Lucy Dacus's music video for Night Shift.
01:16:28.120
And Lucy had brought all of these people in for the video that that she knew from other spaces, other, you know, sectors of her art world.
01:16:40.220
We met at this video and we all just became this little unit that now like we travel and we do vacations together and we're in each other's music videos and we go to each other's premieres.
01:16:50.660
And so, you know, I'll name some of the queer artists that are in that space like Liza Ann.
01:16:56.860
My friend Liza Ann just came out with their single Cheerleader, which is this awesome non-binary anthem.
01:17:07.240
Also, all these themes of being like a person of color and a non-binary person in the space.
01:17:12.400
And you boy genius is doing so iconically well right now.
01:17:15.620
It's like it's so awesome to watch all these queer artists do well.
01:17:18.720
And at the same time that this was happening, I had been I was writing and finalizing my album.
01:17:28.080
And now I'm in the I've been spending on these these last few months like being in their music videos and like kind of amping them up.
01:17:36.420
And so it's I actually feel really like warm because I had a single called Bad Man come out last week.
01:17:41.620
And all of those same people who I've been like, you know, really amped about their art are amped about mine.
01:17:48.800
And that's like the beauty of community is truly it's just so nice of like you can call it a fucking echo chamber if you want to.
01:17:55.340
But what it really is, is like I love these people and their art and they love me and my art.
01:18:02.220
And so we are we're like making each other excited.
01:18:06.860
And affirming each other, like giving each other words of affirmation and support, like cost nothing really.
01:18:17.280
Like I do think that that's one of the best things about having queer community is that we know that there's room for all of us.
01:18:25.780
Yeah, it's it's not this like only one shall live mentality.
01:18:30.440
And so, yeah, I've been getting a lot of great feedback and a lot of great support from these folks about my album violence that's coming out in October.
01:18:41.680
And like truly, you know, we've been talking about violence, though.
01:18:45.780
For me, the the whole concept of the album was writing about like queer love and queer sex and depression and things like this, but completely de-centering the center.
01:18:56.860
And so we live in this in this like in my art space.
01:19:03.780
And these are all the themes that like I'm singing about and exploring.
01:19:07.980
And the violence is that I don't care about what anybody else thinks about this world.
01:19:15.460
I'm not I'm not trying to make pop music for like straight men to get off to.
01:19:21.140
Like for them to be like, yeah, I'm trying to make queer music for queer people.
01:19:32.740
When he said he came on the show, he told me that his art.
01:19:38.420
But he was saying my target audience is not you.
01:19:41.380
Like when straight men are so like, well, I hate this.
01:19:49.320
And he was that's not your target audience either.
01:19:58.860
You can see when you're on like a Spotify or something, you like Spotify for artists.
01:20:02.320
It shows you the demographics that's listening to your stuff.
01:20:04.880
Like, y'all, I've got it's like 90 percent women and then non-binary people and then it's
01:20:12.700
Like men are full ass like, oh, no, this isn't for me.
01:20:15.780
And women and queer people are so trained to to consume art that's not tailored to them.
01:20:22.080
And my like the first song that I came out with is a song called Bad Man.
01:20:26.240
And it is legitimately a song that talking to women being like, hey, there's masculinity
01:20:33.280
So and men were like, I think I'm not going to listen to that one.
01:20:46.980
Y'all know already you can find it on all streaming platforms, but especially Spotify.
01:20:51.040
And I think before we go really quick, what you said about community and how supportive
01:20:55.120
and loving it is, I saw Trixie Mattel do an interview recently where they were saying,
01:20:59.760
what do you have to say about people who are like, you want my child to be gay?
01:21:03.080
Like, you know, it's like the war on drag, which is really the war on trans people.
01:21:07.460
And she said, I don't care if your child turns out to be gay or isn't.
01:21:13.140
But what I do care about is if they do turn out to be gay, I hope they find community a
01:21:19.360
And that's truly because people like her and you exist in the space where you're so visible
01:21:25.380
that it gives people like almost like, like not to be cheesy, but it's almost like a lighthouse.
01:21:31.560
It gives them something to follow and to go towards as opposed to just wandering aimlessly.
01:21:39.080
Representation is like one of the few things that makes me emotional.
01:21:46.340
It's just I feel like people like you especially are so important to be in media and all different
01:21:52.880
media spaces because there are just so many people who have never had someone like you.
01:21:57.540
And now that they do, they get to feel this kind of like they get to feel what you feel
01:22:03.620
They get to feel it, too, whether it's just through the screen.
01:22:07.180
And I also want to end on a silly note that a lot of people have said that my show is
01:22:12.480
literally just the world's most famous lesbians, gay people, and drag queens.
01:22:18.580
Well, I would say you're a representative, like a lighthouse for the bad bitch community.
01:22:23.980
What were you saying earlier that Caleb had said to you is like gay adjacent?
01:22:30.100
Fruity adjacent straight women, the biggest ballers on the planet.
01:22:50.280
Please make sure y'all go find and follow ER on literally everything.
01:22:55.600
You can find me on Instagram and anywhere else as genderlessgapad.
01:23:09.540
And don't forget, new episodes of the comment section drop every Wednesday.