The Glenn Beck Program - December 14, 2018


Best of Program ｜ Guests： Bill O'Reilly & Andrew Heaton ｜ 12⧸14⧸18


Episode Stats

Length

52 minutes

Words per Minute

163.06201

Word Count

8,512

Sentence Count

951

Misogynist Sentences

9

Hate Speech Sentences

9


Summary

Glenn Beck's latest update on the migrant caravan, Bill O'Reilly joins the show, Andrew Heaton talks about the new Deadpool movie, and we talk about a song that was written and performed by a leftist social justice warrior.


Transcript

00:00:00.140 Hey, it's Friday. Time for the podcast. Great one coming today.
00:00:04.620 First of all, we start with a caravan update that you might have heard part of that.
00:00:09.340 I'm not sure you've heard the rest of it.
00:00:11.540 We really kind of need to cover just a little bit of that caravan because it isn't what they say it was.
00:00:18.780 What a shock. Stunning.
00:00:20.480 Also, Bill O'Reilly is going to be with us.
00:00:22.300 We talk a little bit about Michael Cohen.
00:00:24.680 He's got an interesting perspective on that.
00:00:26.780 Also, by the way, baby, it's cold outside.
00:00:30.000 Predicted 10 years ago.
00:00:31.880 We went back in the archives from a decade ago and found a comedy monologue that I did after listening to this song.
00:00:39.520 Basically playing the role of a social justice warrior and saying how evil this song is.
00:00:47.100 It was comedy 10 years ago.
00:00:49.760 See how much of it they're actually saying with a straight face today.
00:00:53.640 Also, Andrew Heaton and a little bit on the new Deadpool PG-13.
00:00:57.720 Worth seeing.
00:01:00.000 You're listening to the best of the Glenn Beck program.
00:01:09.800 It's Friday, December 14th.
00:01:14.600 Field of Greens.
00:01:15.700 Right now, you can get all your fruits and vegetables that you need.
00:01:19.300 Just chug it back.
00:01:20.600 It's really good.
00:01:21.780 I take it.
00:01:22.760 I take it because I can now tell my wife, I'm not having that damn salad.
00:01:26.320 I'm not doing it.
00:01:26.960 Go to BrickHouseGlenn.com.
00:01:29.020 BrickHouseGlenn.com.
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00:01:33.500 Okay, let me tell you about our update on the border.
00:01:36.680 Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
00:01:38.000 Name?
00:01:39.200 Alfonso Guerro.
00:01:41.380 Love Alfonso.
00:01:42.680 Huge Alfonso fan.
00:01:43.760 Oh my gosh.
00:01:44.760 Yes.
00:01:44.880 So he walked into the U.S. consulate in Tijuana, Mexico, and he said, I have a list of demands
00:01:51.780 from the caravan.
00:01:54.040 Now, I always like to hear, you know, the people who are like, help me, help me, please.
00:02:00.100 When they come up, help me, help me, please.
00:02:02.440 I've got a list of demands.
00:02:04.780 And it always kind of works for me.
00:02:06.760 Softens my heart just a little bit.
00:02:08.580 So he's got a list.
00:02:12.700 The caravan is demanding, if they're not granted immediate asylum, they want the following.
00:02:19.640 One, $50,000 in cash for every caravan member.
00:02:23.840 I think that sounds reasonable.
00:02:26.700 $50,000 in cash for every caravan member.
00:02:30.080 Have you tried to catch a bus back to Honduras from Tijuana?
00:02:34.220 Very expensive.
00:02:35.360 Long bus.
00:02:35.740 So they're saying these things, if we give them these things, they'll leave.
00:02:38.740 They'll leave.
00:02:39.400 They'll leave.
00:02:39.780 Otherwise, we will not go anywhere.
00:02:42.520 Is it a French caravan?
00:02:44.280 Is that what that was?
00:02:44.620 Kind of.
00:02:45.220 I bet there are some French people there.
00:02:46.860 Probably.
00:02:47.320 Yes.
00:02:48.100 After all, we've heard that some of the worst people are in the caravan.
00:02:52.620 There's got to be Frenchmen.
00:02:55.060 Two, the immediate removal of all U.S. economic and military assets in Honduras.
00:03:01.820 Okay.
00:03:02.320 Well, that's a nice ask.
00:03:03.080 Wait a minute.
00:03:03.800 Hold it just a second.
00:03:04.640 Wait a minute.
00:03:05.020 And failure to comply with these things will result in the caravan continuing to try to
00:03:09.840 penetrate the U.S. border.
00:03:12.560 Help us.
00:03:13.340 Help us, please.
00:03:15.760 Let me give you a list of some Marxist things.
00:03:18.520 So we want 50 G's each and they want us to remove all economic and military assets.
00:03:24.980 Now, if their goal was too much military power for the United States in dealing with their
00:03:31.060 country, why would they want to come to the country in the first place?
00:03:34.280 Let me ask you this.
00:03:36.160 If they were like, hey, we're really, really poor and it's really bad in Honduras, why would
00:03:43.300 you say stop sending us money?
00:03:45.600 Hmm.
00:03:47.860 It's almost as if there's another motivation.
00:03:49.860 It could be.
00:03:50.760 Could be.
00:03:51.860 Now, it's just maybe it's probably just me.
00:03:55.620 But if you're trying to appear like, you know, a grassroots movement, you know, for a group of migrants who are just trying to escape the dangers of your own country, you might want to tone down the crazy Marxist rhetoric just a little bit.
00:04:11.400 I mean, sure, it's the holidays.
00:04:13.980 Who doesn't love the leftist freedom fighters stick?
00:04:17.980 You know, we all love that.
00:04:19.100 But demanding millions of dollars and the removal of U.S. military from Honduras kind of screams, hey, we're Marxist communist revolutionaries.
00:04:30.620 I'm a Marxist terrorist, doesn't it?
00:04:32.560 I mean, you're not wearing the shirt that lights up like yours, but almost, almost.
00:04:39.020 OK.
00:04:40.460 This is the same thing as if you would have come up to the embassy wearing a beret shouting Viva la revolution while firing off on, you know, an RPG.
00:04:52.600 I mean, it's, you know, come up on your motorcycle looking like Che.
00:04:59.720 So this is just angry rhetoric, isn't it?
00:05:03.620 Isn't it still?
00:05:04.680 I mean, what I just said about this poor man who is just looking for asylum, Mr.
00:05:10.640 Guillero, he is he's just a poor guy just like you.
00:05:14.760 He's got a family.
00:05:16.180 Back in 1987, he tried to get asylum in Mexico and when and he got asylum in Mexico.
00:05:27.380 Well, he was he was suspected by the Honduran and U.S. government for wait for it.
00:05:36.020 Marxist left wing terrorism.
00:05:38.100 Oh, it's just weird.
00:05:39.300 Well, everybody's got a couple of charges.
00:05:41.420 Sure.
00:05:41.920 Of course.
00:05:42.620 Of course, we all do.
00:05:43.660 So 1987, Honduras was ground zero for the U.S. and Soviet proxy forces fighting in the Cold War.
00:05:52.080 The Contra rebels were actually based there and the leftist terrorist would sometimes carry out operations in the country in response.
00:06:00.260 So it was August 8th.
00:06:02.900 A bomb was thrown into the China Palace restaurant, which, of course, imperialist capitalists and their China Palace restaurants.
00:06:13.180 Anyway, it was just a few miles away from the U.S. military base in Honduras.
00:06:18.220 Six American soldiers were injured in the blast.
00:06:21.640 Alfonso Guillero was the primary suspect.
00:06:25.400 He escaped to Mexico and claimed asylum.
00:06:29.060 The Reagan administration charged the Mexican government for, quote, harboring a terrorist for granting Guillero protection.
00:06:37.580 Now, that's the past.
00:06:42.540 Guillero's turned his life around.
00:06:45.460 Oh.
00:06:46.200 Now he's just a poor, struggling Honduran who doesn't wish anyone harm.
00:06:53.280 He just wants a better life for his family.
00:06:56.500 With the Soviet Union gone, Marxist terrorism does not pay what it used to.
00:07:01.200 It doesn't.
00:07:01.900 He's struggling every day.
00:07:04.820 And the millions of dollars that he's demanding, it will help them.
00:07:11.180 And he's just asking for a little, you know, just a few little political things for his country.
00:07:17.180 Just a few demands.
00:07:18.740 When, when will the media actually come out and go, oh, wow, we got that one wrong?
00:07:32.700 Answer?
00:07:33.880 Never.
00:07:34.980 Because they didn't get it wrong.
00:07:37.660 They were lying to you from the beginning.
00:07:40.140 Anyone with any common sense or an ounce of honesty could have seen this thing coming from the beginning.
00:07:50.900 Oh, and we did.
00:07:53.880 But anybody who did their homework, anybody who did say these things, they were, of course, labeled an extremist, a hate monger, a racist, a danger to society.
00:08:07.360 As I see it, the former Marxist terrorist is probably the real danger to our society.
00:08:20.880 The best of the Glenn Beck Program.
00:08:29.400 Politifact lie of the year, I think was actually a fair one this year.
00:08:33.600 I did too.
00:08:34.300 I was shocked.
00:08:35.580 Yeah.
00:08:35.780 I was shocked.
00:08:36.380 It was the lies about the Parkland students.
00:08:39.700 And, you know, there was a lot of controversy around that.
00:08:41.900 But the lies they highlighted were things like they were crisis actors.
00:08:46.960 Total lies.
00:08:47.500 And, you know, that one of the kids ripped up the Constitution, which was a Photoshop situation.
00:08:52.460 Like, it was stuff like that.
00:08:53.700 And those were, you know, conspiracy theory sort of stuff.
00:08:58.020 It was not the normal political statement.
00:08:59.820 However, they did give the options to people.
00:09:01.660 And people, their readership did not select that particular lie.
00:09:04.700 The lie they selected.
00:09:06.420 And they will say, oh, my gosh, see?
00:09:10.540 Look, that just shows that people believed that.
00:09:13.700 Or people wanted to believe that.
00:09:15.740 Or whatever.
00:09:16.240 No.
00:09:17.120 We just think that was such an obvious lie.
00:09:20.080 I mean, I can live with that being the top lie of the year because it was such a big lie.
00:09:24.260 But it was so ridiculous that nobody believed that except crazy people.
00:09:30.180 Yeah.
00:09:30.240 It was all, you know, I mean, these things do get spread around widely.
00:09:33.600 They get lots of views.
00:09:34.860 But that does not mean everyone believes them.
00:09:36.920 Correct.
00:09:37.220 Correct.
00:09:37.440 A lot of times we confuse something that has a lot of views with something that's actually having influence.
00:09:41.480 It wasn't the most influential lie.
00:09:43.600 It wasn't the one that caused the most confusion.
00:09:47.660 Pretty much everybody heard that and went, that's ridiculous.
00:09:50.760 Yeah.
00:09:51.100 But, I mean, again, there really was a shooting in Parkland.
00:09:53.760 Yes.
00:09:54.020 And the fact that people tried to say that, you know, these people weren't victims.
00:09:58.880 And it was.
00:09:59.600 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:09:59.840 No, no, no.
00:10:00.300 It was a horrible, horrible lie.
00:10:01.720 It is a weird one for them, though, because they usually will pick something that's a little bit more contentious politically.
00:10:05.900 Yes.
00:10:06.600 Where this one, I think everyone.
00:10:07.820 Unless it involves a Democrat.
00:10:09.080 There you go.
00:10:09.740 They've had a couple, though.
00:10:10.540 I mean, Obama, keep your doctor was the lie of the year one year.
00:10:13.400 Yeah, two years after he said it.
00:10:14.980 Was it two years after?
00:10:15.840 I thought it was this.
00:10:16.180 I believe it was two years after he said it.
00:10:18.520 It's possible.
00:10:19.080 Could be.
00:10:19.580 It's possible.
00:10:19.820 Maybe not.
00:10:21.020 Too late.
00:10:21.900 Too late, anyway.
00:10:22.820 Yeah.
00:10:23.100 After it was passed, that's for sure.
00:10:24.920 But the false statement that the readers chose as the lie of the year for PolitiFact was this one from Donald Trump.
00:10:30.920 Quote, the Democrats want to invite caravan after caravan of illegal aliens into our country.
00:10:35.720 And then they want to sign them up for free health care, free welfare, free education, and for the right to vote.
00:10:41.760 Now, pause for a second here.
00:10:45.180 Trump is, you know, a lot of times will illustrate an issue that a lot of people talk about.
00:10:50.720 And he'll, you know, he'll go a little too far, maybe.
00:10:52.720 Right?
00:10:52.860 Like, he'll say it too definitively.
00:10:58.600 Right?
00:10:58.780 Like, he's not necessarily capturing the nuance of a statement in an off-the-cuff sort of comment.
00:11:05.260 This one, though, however, when you break it down, is pretty accurate.
00:11:09.860 Okay?
00:11:10.480 The Democrats want to invite caravan after caravan of illegal aliens into our country.
00:11:15.320 What is their answer to the caravan?
00:11:17.420 Their answer to the caravan was not to stop it.
00:11:20.560 It was not to say you are not allowed to come across the border.
00:11:23.460 It was to allow people to claim asylum and then allow them to come into the country.
00:11:28.620 And then over some period of time, they would go through the asylum process and they would have to show up to court appointments, which we know a lot of them don't do.
00:11:35.700 But they never admitted to saying, okay, we want them to come in and be citizens tomorrow.
00:11:40.100 But they did want to say if they claim asylum, they come in the country and they hang out here until the asylum process is over.
00:11:45.240 Their solution would have caused caravan after caravan after caravan.
00:11:49.080 The difference here is Donald Trump used the word invited.
00:11:54.720 They didn't invite.
00:11:56.260 No, they didn't send out engraved invitations.
00:11:59.560 Although some of the groups related to, I mean, he said the Democrats, I mean, the Democratic Party, maybe not, but the people who were doing those invites and were working on those caravans, as we highlighted, were very friendly to the Democratic Party and were influenced and funded by Democratic donors.
00:12:15.120 Yes, correct.
00:12:15.740 So it's not, again, it might not be exactly to the...
00:12:19.860 It's not like you can keep your doctor.
00:12:22.040 Right.
00:12:22.440 It's not.
00:12:23.120 It's not that.
00:12:25.160 You know, again, invite, I'll give you, is a little bit different, but there is a justification for that.
00:12:29.520 But then, and then they want to sign them up for free health care, free welfare, free education, and for the right to vote.
00:12:35.100 Yes.
00:12:35.300 They want them to go to schools, for example.
00:12:37.100 Yes.
00:12:37.240 Of course, free education is absolutely on the table.
00:12:39.620 The right to vote, they've been talking about a citizenship pathway for people like this for a very long time.
00:12:44.500 They're already signing them up, what, in California?
00:12:46.660 They were trying to sign them up in California.
00:12:49.800 Whenever you say you have, you complain about sanctuary cities, what do they do?
00:12:53.560 They give all of these things away.
00:12:55.780 And free health care is the one that really is driving me crazy on this.
00:12:58.840 Free health care, part of, obviously, depending on your income level, is part of the Affordable Care Act.
00:13:04.520 Let me quote from Hillary Clinton's 2016 platform.
00:13:08.740 Expand access to affordable health care to families regardless of immigration status.
00:13:15.700 That was in her platform to give the Affordable Care Act to illegal immigrants.
00:13:21.060 It was the thing, if you remember, going back so long ago that you'll barely be able to remember this.
00:13:27.240 But do you remember the representative from South Carolina, Wilson, who said, you lie to Barack Obama?
00:13:32.500 The thing he was saying you lie about is he was saying, in reality, you want to give the Affordable Care Act to illegal immigrants.
00:13:41.700 And Obama was saying he wasn't going to do that.
00:13:44.000 Well, guess what happened in the 2016 campaign in the platform of Hillary Clinton, quoting from HillaryClinton.com?
00:13:51.260 It is exactly the thing that he was saying was being lied about.
00:13:54.680 He was absolutely right.
00:13:56.160 And this quote about it being some crazy fantasy that the Democrats want to invite illegal immigrants in and give a bunch of stuff away from them,
00:14:05.920 it's all in their platform.
00:14:07.460 It's what they say is the heartless part of the Republican Party that we don't want to give away these free things to illegal immigrants.
00:14:15.100 So the average, the readers that responded to this actually were saying, no, the bigger lie was what Donald Trump said was happening on the border.
00:14:25.600 Yes, that's what they said.
00:14:27.220 That's insane.
00:14:28.300 I mean, it just tells you a lot about the people going to PolitiFact, that they're obviously very, very liberal.
00:14:33.060 In fact, that one, more than double, more than double the percentage of people who thought this was the biggest lie.
00:14:39.780 The Russian state has never interfered into internal affairs, including election process.
00:14:44.460 Vladimir Putin, they actually, they gave Donald Trump 36% of the vote,
00:14:50.580 and Vladimir Putin, who said that Russia has never, not even in this election, but has never interfered in U.S. internal affairs,
00:15:00.420 which we all know to be false.
00:15:02.280 There's been people, numerous people caught doing it.
00:15:06.260 And that one isn't a big lie.
00:15:08.120 Although I will say my favorite lie comes in at, let's see, down there at 7th or 8th place.
00:15:15.480 It's from Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.
00:15:18.600 Because she, she said, unemployment is low because everyone has two jobs.
00:15:25.020 No, no, honey.
00:15:26.340 No.
00:15:27.020 And I don't want to talk down to you, but I feel I need to.
00:15:31.100 Yeah.
00:15:31.420 Okay.
00:15:31.780 That's not the way it works, sweetheart.
00:15:33.460 That's not the way it works.
00:15:34.440 I mean, this is a person with a master's in economics.
00:15:36.900 I am telling you, if I had a kid at BU, I would be calling the administration and saying, hold it just a second.
00:15:46.540 Is it fake news or did you give an economic degree to this woman?
00:15:55.000 Yes, we did.
00:15:56.200 Okay.
00:15:56.520 I, I, I, I'm pulling my kid out.
00:15:58.900 I mean, how does that, the, the most shameful thing, I think the most shoddy work, a bill, you know, that building in San Francisco that they built.
00:16:10.540 And they sold those apartments for, you know, millions of dollars and it's collapsing and they don't know what to do with it.
00:16:16.700 That looks like a genius move in shoddy workmanship compared to BU unleashing Ocasio-Cortez out with a degree in economics.
00:16:30.440 When she says things like, no, the only reason why you people are so stupid.
00:16:38.900 You're listening to the best of the Glenn Beck program.
00:16:44.940 Like listening to this podcast.
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00:17:44.500 Mr. Bill O'Reilly.
00:17:45.840 Hey, present.
00:17:49.920 So, Bill.
00:17:51.060 I'm here.
00:17:51.860 The number one story in your mind this week is?
00:17:56.600 Killing the SS, a huge success.
00:18:00.820 Okay.
00:18:01.620 The number two story in your mind.
00:18:04.260 The biggest story in the country is if the president of the United States can psychologically and emotionally survive, the daily attacks on him.
00:18:19.580 And you won't hear that anywhere else but here in the no-spin zone.
00:18:25.940 Because, you know, if you step back away from the hysteria and you look at Donald Trump, he's a human being.
00:18:35.700 You might not like him.
00:18:37.160 You might think he's not capable of being president, whatever.
00:18:40.040 But any human being put under the barrage of hatred directed toward him and having to defend himself every hour on the hour from whatever charge, the charge du jour.
00:18:54.920 You've got to take a psychological toll on him.
00:18:58.720 And that is the story, the big story about all of this.
00:19:02.340 Okay.
00:19:02.720 So, let's take this apart just a bit.
00:19:05.040 First of all, Michael Cohen.
00:19:08.500 Michael Cohen, A, Donald Trump said low-level guy.
00:19:12.120 Nobody believes that.
00:19:14.480 Was he a low-level guy?
00:19:15.460 Let me tell you about Michael Cohen, all right?
00:19:19.160 I've never met the man.
00:19:21.620 At one point in the campaign, I was talking to Trump on the phone, and I was trying to get him on the factor that night.
00:19:29.000 And he said, well, I can't do it but take Michael Cohen, my attorney.
00:19:34.000 And I said, why would I do that?
00:19:37.120 I'm not going to put him on the air.
00:19:38.840 He's just going to tell me what you want him to say.
00:19:41.520 I mean, why don't I just put a puppet on there, a real puppet, okay?
00:19:46.840 And that was the end of that conversation.
00:19:49.200 So, Cohen was basically what they call a fixer.
00:19:52.700 And when Trump had an annoyance, which was what these women were to him, an annoyance, Cohen would deal with it.
00:20:01.820 So, I don't know any more than that.
00:20:03.640 I don't know what Trump said to Cohen.
00:20:06.060 No one does.
00:20:06.740 But Cohen's charge, working for Donald Trump, was to fix things, fix annoyances.
00:20:16.600 And that's what he did.
00:20:18.300 Okay.
00:20:18.620 The problem has come in now with the National Enquirer, that the National Enquirer has changed their story.
00:20:30.800 And now they're saying, okay, we did take direction from Donald Trump to pay this one person off.
00:20:36.700 That's a felony.
00:20:39.560 Cohen, do we have the audio of Michael Cohen on Good Morning America today?
00:20:43.640 When they asked him, why should we believe you now?
00:20:48.100 Listen.
00:20:48.820 So, what do you say to people?
00:20:50.520 And, you know, there are a lot of people who would be watching who are going to be thinking, but wait a second.
00:20:55.380 He lied for so long.
00:20:56.560 Why should we believe him now?
00:20:57.960 What's the answer to that?
00:20:58.860 What do you mean lied?
00:21:00.200 Lied about what?
00:21:01.460 At the Trump Organization, it's a microcosm of even just the New York real estate market.
00:21:06.560 What do we lie about?
00:21:07.860 It's New York real estate.
00:21:09.780 Yes, it's the greatest product ever created.
00:21:11.680 Is that a lie?
00:21:12.940 Well, but you pleaded guilty to lying to Congress.
00:21:15.340 Yes.
00:21:16.500 So, why should we believe you now?
00:21:19.320 Because the special counsel stated emphatically that the information that I gave to them was credible and helpful.
00:21:28.500 There's a substantial amount of information that they possess that corroborates the fact that I am telling the truth.
00:21:36.560 So, you're done with the lying.
00:21:37.580 I am done with the lying.
00:21:38.580 I am done being loyal to President Trump.
00:21:43.180 And my first loyalty belongs to my wife, my daughter, my son, and this country.
00:21:49.340 Take that apart for me, Bill.
00:21:50.700 You know, it's – I don't take Michael Cohen seriously, number one.
00:22:01.300 So, your listeners, the people who listen to us every Friday, please take that into account.
00:22:07.180 I'm not like any of the commentators on cable news or George Stephanopoulos.
00:22:12.260 I don't take him seriously.
00:22:14.240 All right?
00:22:14.620 Which means that whatever he says means nothing to me.
00:22:19.200 Nothing.
00:22:20.040 Hang on just a second.
00:22:21.420 Hang on just a second.
00:22:22.420 I think that's where most – not the media, but I think that's where most Americans are.
00:22:27.740 No doubt about it.
00:22:28.680 They just don't –
00:22:29.220 That's a very astute observation.
00:22:30.900 Yeah.
00:22:31.080 Okay?
00:22:31.940 So, whatever he says means nothing to me as an American.
00:22:35.440 Mm-hmm.
00:22:36.120 Okay?
00:22:36.980 That's number one.
00:22:38.380 Number two, Robert Mueller had nothing to do with Michael Cohen and what he did or did not do by paying women.
00:22:48.800 He referred that case out to the DA – to the federal attorney, U.S. attorney in Manhattan.
00:22:56.940 Mm-hmm.
00:22:57.360 Why did Mueller do this?
00:22:59.160 For two reasons.
00:23:00.000 Number one, that had nothing to do with Russian collusion.
00:23:02.660 Mm-hmm.
00:23:03.540 Okay?
00:23:04.320 So, Mueller goes, you know, I can't get involved with this because it doesn't come under my mandate.
00:23:10.300 And number two, Mueller knew that Cohen's a sleazy weasel.
00:23:13.860 Mm-hmm.
00:23:14.560 I'm not – you know, I'm sorry, but he is.
00:23:17.320 All right?
00:23:17.600 And he didn't want to be associated with a sleazy weasel.
00:23:20.520 He also knew that the careerists in the attorney's office, U.S. attorney's office in Manhattan, would be more than happy to take this guy apart, which they did.
00:23:30.880 They got into his taxi cab business.
00:23:33.140 They got into his dodging of taxes.
00:23:35.420 And then there came a point where they just said, look, Michael, just tell us what we want to know, and then we'll try to get you a light deal.
00:23:43.940 And Cohen did.
00:23:45.280 Okay.
00:23:45.880 So –
00:23:46.420 That's Cohen.
00:23:46.860 All right.
00:23:47.540 Okay.
00:23:47.780 Hang on just a second.
00:23:48.780 So I agree with that analysis.
00:23:52.140 I think I would add it would be irresponsible of anyone in the justice system if they did find a crime that they didn't pass it on for further investigation to the appropriate people.
00:24:05.720 Maybe.
00:24:06.480 Maybe.
00:24:07.180 But look, you're giving Mueller too much credit in the sense that nobody would pursue this kind of a thing.
00:24:14.580 This is what they call brand protection, brand protection.
00:24:19.620 Trump is a brand, okay?
00:24:21.620 So he's now running for president, and he doesn't want his brand attacked any more than it's already been.
00:24:28.940 So these women try to get money from him, okay?
00:24:32.600 So he says to his personal fixer, take care of it.
00:24:37.960 Take care of it.
00:24:40.000 And the fixer does.
00:24:41.860 Right.
00:24:42.220 And then, of course, the women come back for more money.
00:24:44.420 So – but it's not a problem with Cohen.
00:24:46.880 What it is is a problem with – what is it?
00:24:50.240 American media, the Inquirer, because –
00:24:52.840 Look, I don't know what happened in the Inquirer.
00:24:55.780 Again, none of us are privy to that.
00:24:58.300 But this is the way business is done at that level.
00:25:02.560 See, I'm waiting for the New York Times to investigate itself, because they've had buku private settlements in that newspaper.
00:25:11.220 And so is every major corporation in the country.
00:25:14.260 I'm waiting for that.
00:25:15.220 But the National Inquirer is basically in business to scandalize people.
00:25:20.020 That's what they do.
00:25:22.060 All right, so Trump has a relationship with the publisher.
00:25:25.860 Packer, I think his name is, right?
00:25:27.920 Okay.
00:25:28.420 Packer.
00:25:28.700 So, yeah, Packer calls him and says, hey, I got this woman, and she wants to talk all about your affair, and what should I do?
00:25:39.400 And Trump says, well, you know, can you make her go away?
00:25:44.860 And Packer says, yeah, I can do whatever I do.
00:25:47.680 So they give her money, and she tells the story, and they just – they don't print it.
00:25:54.160 That happens all the time.
00:25:55.900 Right.
00:25:56.040 There's some critical things that you've left out, but we don't know if they're true or not, so I'm not going to nitpick on this.
00:26:03.400 I want to get back to the – there's no reason to believe the National Inquirer.
00:26:09.300 There's no reason to believe Cohn.
00:26:11.160 But I do believe the National Inquirer in this instance.
00:26:13.640 I think that happened, okay?
00:26:16.380 But what I'm trying to tell you is there's no – from my point of view, I'm not a lawyer, but I've certainly had many lawyers on BillOReilly.com.
00:26:24.700 Smart.
00:26:25.900 And very few of them see any crime at all.
00:26:29.860 This is business as usual, protection of a brand, a civil settlement.
00:26:35.040 All right?
00:26:36.700 And now they're trying to link it into the campaign finance, but it's a stretch, as we saw in the John Edwards case.
00:26:44.040 It's a stretch.
00:26:45.540 Right.
00:26:46.040 Now, they can do it.
00:26:48.280 You know, what is it, the indict the ham sandwich line?
00:26:52.000 Okay, they can do it.
00:26:53.300 But do Americans feel that this was some kind of heinous, well-thought-out plot to subvert American election law?
00:27:01.980 No.
00:27:02.140 So here's the thing.
00:27:04.960 In the 1970s, the Republicans eventually joined the Democrats and said, you know, we can't have this going on in the White House.
00:27:16.160 So we need to make sure that we have somebody telling us the truth.
00:27:19.800 And they didn't come to the table voluntarily, but they were eventually dragged to that table.
00:27:24.480 Who are you talking about now?
00:27:25.800 Hang on.
00:27:26.620 Nixon, okay?
00:27:28.100 Okay.
00:27:28.600 And impeachment.
00:27:29.700 Then we had Clinton.
00:27:31.680 And so the people that were against Nixon and said, we have to know if the president is telling the truth, and the president has to – he can't perjure himself, he can't lie.
00:27:41.000 All of a sudden, they were fine with Clinton.
00:27:44.620 Sure, because it's hypocrisy all day long.
00:27:48.700 Correct.
00:27:48.940 But you just raised a point that – and this, you're going to be amazed by my brilliance right now.
00:27:54.920 Are you ready?
00:27:55.480 Everybody ready?
00:27:56.260 Oh, yeah.
00:27:56.660 Okay.
00:27:57.380 In Watergate, there was a crime.
00:27:59.400 Somebody broke in.
00:28:00.800 Somebody took stuff, and they found him.
00:28:04.180 In Clinton, there was an incident involving an intern inside the White House.
00:28:13.280 No question it happened.
00:28:15.600 Perjury.
00:28:16.680 Here, here, okay, nobody knows what it is, this campaign finance thing.
00:28:22.920 Nobody knows what this is.
00:28:24.980 Was there a secret payoff?
00:28:26.800 You know what?
00:28:27.480 Nobody knows.
00:28:29.100 Right.
00:28:29.420 There's no solid crime evidence.
00:28:33.320 It's theoretical.
00:28:34.960 Right.
00:28:35.200 Correct, but if there is overwhelming evidence, as Cohen says, that might mean a blue dress of sorts, but I don't know what the crime is at that point.
00:28:44.880 You have to have a tape recording where Trump would walk into Cohen and say, hey, I want you to violate campaign finance laws and pay these babes off because I want to run for president and win.
00:28:55.240 Thanks.
00:28:55.640 Let me know how it works out.
00:28:56.680 And then he leaves.
00:28:57.440 Let's take a look at, you want to talk about the person of the year, that's your article, the person of the year.
00:29:05.320 Okay, so Time Magazine, which is on the ropes and really not a factor in this country anymore, which is stunning when you understand the history of that magazine.
00:29:15.840 They selected journalists at risk for their persons of the year, okay?
00:29:21.980 But if you really deeply look into what they were doing, they were basically trying to humiliate Trump for saying fake news all over the place.
00:29:30.980 Yes, they put Khashoggi up and they put the five Maryland journalists who were slaughtered by a psycho up, and that's good.
00:29:37.480 I have no beef with that.
00:29:38.980 But the overall arch of the article was Trump is a villain, we hate him, and the usual, okay?
00:29:45.840 So the no spin person of the year is a person who helped this country, all right?
00:29:54.260 So everybody should know my criteria, and that is Senator Lindsey Graham from South Carolina.
00:30:00.240 Now, the reason I selected Senator Graham was twofold.
00:30:05.260 Number one, he single-handedly saved Brett Kavanaugh and his family from destruction, and they should not have been destroyed.
00:30:14.280 So just on that basis alone, he saved four human beings from destruction, and then he saved every single American citizen from losing a fundamental right, and that is you are innocent until proven guilty, due process.
00:30:35.560 Now, what Senator Graham did involved courage, articulation, and risk, and that's why he is the no spin person of the year.
00:30:48.140 I can't even believe that I actually agree with that.
00:30:52.560 It's like Lindsey Graham of all people.
00:30:55.540 I never would have thought I said anything positive about him.
00:30:57.600 I'm not a huge fan, but what he did in the—
00:30:59.380 I agree, Stu, right, because the overwhelming logic of my argument is impossible to refuse.
00:31:06.500 So you're taking credit for Lindsey Graham's achievements.
00:31:08.780 That's what I would expect.
00:31:09.860 No, I'm taking credit—here's what I'm taking credit for, Stu.
00:31:12.520 You ready?
00:31:13.000 Yes.
00:31:13.260 The one moment this year of lucidity in your life is a compliment of me.
00:31:21.580 I will say, though, I have not always had faith in Lindsey Graham, and the fact that he was the one who was brave enough to stand up and say,
00:31:27.580 hey, yeah, we don't convict people without any evidence.
00:31:30.740 That's not what the society is supposed to be about.
00:31:32.780 He deserves a lot of credit for that.
00:31:34.360 Well, he deserves to be the no-spin man of the year, and he is, which we'll never see that anywhere else because this is a country that now does not value honesty and courage.
00:31:45.880 It does not value it.
00:31:48.380 Go ahead.
00:31:48.540 He is a—this is a good example of outrage used the correct way.
00:31:56.900 He was outraged about something real.
00:31:59.640 He was outraged about something that mattered.
00:32:05.160 It was genuine outrage.
00:32:07.980 People were feeling exactly the same way.
00:32:11.340 He handled himself entirely appropriately at the time.
00:32:18.480 He stated it eloquently, and then he was done.
00:32:22.340 Not all people.
00:32:23.640 He was viciously attacked for doing that.
00:32:26.120 By both the Democrats on the Judiciary Committee and the media, so that required courage.
00:32:32.140 I wrote a long column—not long, but I wrote a column on this for BillOReilly.com, which posted now.
00:32:36.700 And basically I made the point is that, you know, there aren't many courageous people anymore in the public eye.
00:32:45.680 There are just not.
00:32:47.060 And when you see one sticking up for you, because Lindsey Graham wasn't sticking up for his party, he wasn't sticking up for himself, he was sticking up for every single American who could be accused of anything at any time, and saying, we cannot convict on allegations, as these senators are doing in front of the nation.
00:33:11.300 I mean, that took guts, and it wasn't a self-motivated statement.
00:33:18.680 It was a statement to help all Americans understand their rights, and that their rights are under siege from the far left.
00:33:29.380 I think that's why it was effective, because if it had seemed prepared—
00:33:35.900 Or contrived.
00:33:36.560 Or contrived.
00:33:36.760 Or self-serving.
00:33:38.020 You know, if it was like, arrest me, I'm Spartacus.
00:33:41.320 I'm Spartacus, arrest me.
00:33:42.840 It would have gone nowhere.
00:33:44.600 Sincere.
00:33:45.220 Yeah, it was sincere.
00:33:46.120 And, you know, in the process—because there's always unintended consequences of everything you do and say when you're in public eye—he destroyed the candidacies of Cory Booker, Kamala Harris,
00:33:58.500 Elizabeth Warren, they're done, okay?
00:34:03.540 They cannot get any traction because of Lindsey Graham.
00:34:09.960 This is the best of the Glenn Beck Program.
00:34:12.160 10 years ago, 10 years ago on this program, I made a mocking prediction and said, you know, I'll tell you what the left should be upset about.
00:34:36.940 It's a song.
00:34:40.760 And I laid out the case 10 years ago.
00:34:46.160 And while I've taken it a couple of steps further than they are currently, remember, this was comedy.
00:34:55.820 This was insane 10 years ago.
00:34:59.480 Listen.
00:35:00.080 Listen.
00:35:00.180 Listen.
00:35:00.300 Listen.
00:35:00.680 Listen.
00:35:01.180 Listen.
00:35:01.240 Listen.
00:35:02.180 Listen.
00:35:02.680 Listen.
00:35:03.180 Listen.
00:35:04.180 Listen.
00:35:05.180 Listen.
00:35:06.180 Listen.
00:35:06.920 Listen.
00:35:07.980 Maybe this is just the—
00:35:13.880 See?
00:35:14.880 Maybe this is just the—
00:35:15.880 Ben Hovern at you dropping.
00:35:17.880 Maybe this is just the negative side of me.
00:35:21.300 I hold your hands that are just like ice.
00:35:24.460 Beautiful, what's your—
00:35:26.480 But I think this—you know, I use a—
00:35:28.100 Listen to the fireplace.
00:35:29.720 Stop this song for a second.
00:35:31.280 You know, maybe it's just me, but I—I mean, this has always seemed like, oh, it's kind of cute.
00:35:35.380 But then I heard it done by Dean Martin, and Dean Martin, you know, you couldn't trust.
00:35:39.480 I mean, he was a friend of Sir Frank Sinatra.
00:35:41.520 You know what I'm saying?
00:35:43.480 Unions.
00:35:46.460 So then I hear it from Dean Martin, and I think there's something here.
00:35:53.440 There's something much deeper than this.
00:35:55.300 In fact, go back to the beginning.
00:35:56.580 I just want you to listen to the words.
00:35:59.420 You know, it seems like, oh, it's like a Rankin and Bass Christmas cartoon.
00:36:05.580 But baby, it's cold outside.
00:36:09.160 But baby, it's cold outside.
00:36:11.320 Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
00:36:12.740 First he says, I really can't stay.
00:36:14.900 And he says, but baby, it's cold outside.
00:36:18.500 All right, so if I may.
00:36:21.840 In other words, what he's saying is, guess what, skank?
00:36:24.980 Put out, or I'm going to leave you stranded in sub-zero temperatures.
00:36:27.780 You know what I mean?
00:36:28.360 It's cold outside.
00:36:29.620 Now, you might think that's a little dramatic.
00:36:32.580 You know, right now.
00:36:33.720 But may I lay the rest of the song out to provide some context.
00:36:40.120 Go ahead.
00:36:42.760 Okay, okay, okay.
00:36:46.880 Now, here she's saying, I really can't stay.
00:36:48.720 She's trying to politely get out of there.
00:36:50.820 I've got to go away.
00:36:52.300 You know, that's what she says.
00:36:53.200 I've got to go away.
00:36:54.700 When was the last time you said, I've got to go away?
00:36:57.580 To somebody who is, hey, no, you just stay with me.
00:37:00.620 I've got to go away.
00:37:01.460 You don't say, I've got to go away.
00:37:04.820 And she says, the evening's been so very, very nice.
00:37:08.980 She's trying to act like nothing's wrong and excuse herself.
00:37:13.480 Right?
00:37:14.920 I've got to go away.
00:37:16.880 The evening's been very, very nice.
00:37:19.380 And then what does he tell her he's going to do?
00:37:22.240 Listen to this.
00:37:23.000 I'm hoping that you dropping.
00:37:26.060 I'll hold your hands.
00:37:29.060 They're just like ice.
00:37:30.700 Stop.
00:37:31.120 Stop.
00:37:31.580 Stop.
00:37:31.660 Stop.
00:37:31.700 Stop.
00:37:31.800 Stop.
00:37:31.820 Stop.
00:37:32.440 Holding your hand.
00:37:34.420 That's a sign of affection.
00:37:36.180 Right?
00:37:37.240 Holding your hands.
00:37:39.880 That's restraint.
00:37:41.340 That's a form of imprisonment.
00:37:45.180 Then she says, they're just like ice.
00:37:50.000 Beautiful.
00:37:50.940 What's your heart?
00:37:53.460 Listen to the heart.
00:37:54.340 Stop.
00:37:54.660 Stop.
00:37:54.940 Stop.
00:37:55.120 Stop.
00:37:55.260 Stop.
00:37:55.340 Stop.
00:37:55.820 Stop.
00:37:55.900 Stop.
00:37:56.020 She says, my mother will start to worry and my father will be pacing the floor, which
00:38:01.320 is exactly the thing that a hostage says.
00:38:03.900 If my contact doesn't hear from me, they're going to come looking.
00:38:06.600 And then what does he say in response?
00:38:09.300 Listen to this.
00:38:10.060 Listen to the fireplace roar.
00:38:14.720 Stop.
00:38:16.280 See what I'm saying?
00:38:18.800 You didn't catch it?
00:38:20.120 Let me tell you something.
00:38:20.860 You're never going to work for the FBI unless you follow along.
00:38:24.160 You've got a hostage situation.
00:38:25.980 He's holding her hands.
00:38:27.800 She's saying, somebody's going to come for me.
00:38:30.980 They know where I am.
00:38:31.900 And then he says, listen to the fireplace roar.
00:38:35.700 In other words, I'll burn you alive if you don't stay and put out.
00:38:41.380 That's what I'm hearing here.
00:38:44.240 Oh, how did we miss this our whole life?
00:38:46.800 Then she decides it's escalating too fast.
00:38:50.100 Listen to what she says.
00:38:51.020 To the fireplace roar.
00:38:52.680 Beautiful, please don't hurry.
00:38:57.500 Put some records on while I pour.
00:39:00.400 Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
00:39:01.140 So she decides it's escalating out of control.
00:39:05.200 Well, well, okay, man, maybe just one more drink.
00:39:10.700 Just one more drink.
00:39:11.620 And then he distracts her.
00:39:13.100 He says, you put on some records.
00:39:15.160 First of all, who plays records anymore?
00:39:17.560 Serial killers.
00:39:18.360 She says, oh, okay, maybe half a drink more.
00:39:24.140 Maybe just half a drink.
00:39:25.620 And he says, yeah, put on some of those records while I pour.
00:39:30.760 So now he's set up to pour the drink while her attention is elsewhere.
00:39:36.720 What does he do?
00:39:38.240 He drugs the drinks.
00:39:40.460 Hello?
00:39:42.120 As evidenced by what she says next.
00:39:44.880 Put some records on while I pour.
00:39:47.720 But baby, it's bad out there.
00:39:51.200 No caps to be had.
00:39:53.140 Stop, stop, there it is, your honor.
00:39:55.080 Say, what's in this drink?
00:39:58.700 Then she says.
00:40:01.240 But no caps to be had out there.
00:40:04.920 Your eyes are like stars.
00:40:07.000 I wish I knew how.
00:40:08.560 To break this spell.
00:40:11.080 I wish I.
00:40:12.300 Say, what's in this drink?
00:40:14.140 I wish I knew how to break this spell.
00:40:18.620 In other words.
00:40:19.840 I think I've just ingested a date rape drug.
00:40:23.700 I'd like to stop the effects now.
00:40:26.660 He's going to burn me to death.
00:40:28.560 In the middle of it, he says.
00:40:35.040 Like that.
00:40:37.080 I'll take your hat.
00:40:39.300 Your hair looks swell.
00:40:42.360 Okay.
00:40:42.800 All right.
00:40:43.240 All right.
00:40:43.600 He says, your eyes are like starlight now.
00:40:46.480 Clearly the effects of GHB kicking in now.
00:40:49.160 And then he says, I'm going to take your hat.
00:40:52.640 Yes.
00:40:53.600 At her most vulnerable moment, he begins to take her clothes off.
00:40:58.280 Then she says.
00:41:00.820 Mind if I move in.
00:41:02.340 Wait, wait, wait.
00:41:03.380 She says, I ought to say no, no, no.
00:41:05.960 But she can't.
00:41:06.780 Why?
00:41:07.380 Because she's basically paralyzed now.
00:41:09.980 Laying next to the fire where she's terrified he's going to burn her to death.
00:41:14.340 And he mockingly says, mind if I move in close?
00:41:18.960 No.
00:41:19.280 This is a horror movie.
00:41:21.000 Knowing she can't resist, she takes solace in the fact that she at least has tried to
00:41:28.060 stop his advances.
00:41:30.840 And then he says.
00:41:33.080 Take your hat.
00:41:34.460 Your hair looks swell.
00:41:37.480 I know.
00:41:39.100 But I can't.
00:41:39.720 I'm trying.
00:41:41.100 At least I'm going to say that I try.
00:41:45.780 Baby, it's cold outside.
00:41:49.000 Okay.
00:41:49.360 Look.
00:41:49.680 I mean, the song Stop It.
00:41:50.700 It's that we should never play this again.
00:41:52.720 It is.
00:41:53.420 It's it's the nightmare before Christmas.
00:41:57.000 You know, it just goes on and on and on.
00:41:59.700 You know, I simply must go.
00:42:01.340 The clear answer is no.
00:42:03.200 Yet he he keeps coming and coming and coming.
00:42:06.300 You know what this is?
00:42:07.300 This is the story of the guy that dogged the bounty hunter arrested in Mexico.
00:42:11.340 Oh, the welcome has been so nice and warm.
00:42:17.480 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:42:19.540 That warmth is, you know, the warmth that GHB induces.
00:42:23.040 You see what I'm saying?
00:42:24.180 Your lips look delicious.
00:42:26.080 Oh, I bet they do.
00:42:28.320 Hannibal the cannibal.
00:42:29.620 Oh, I get it.
00:42:35.280 Put out or you're going to find yourself in an icy grave.
00:42:38.860 Merry Christmas.
00:42:40.240 Is that true?
00:42:41.100 Oh, that's just me.
00:42:44.480 That is 10 years ago.
00:42:45.760 It was, I think, just me 10 years ago.
00:42:47.900 It was.
00:42:48.440 And now it's not.
00:42:49.260 And that was that was something that that was something that was a comedic observation
00:42:55.960 10 years ago.
00:42:57.500 Yeah, it was.
00:42:58.100 I mean, you never think we'd get to that ridiculous point.
00:43:02.000 Now, this is why there is no comedy anymore, because the things that are funny, you have
00:43:08.480 to take it to the extreme.
00:43:10.720 How do you take America to the extreme now?
00:43:14.060 It's already it lives at the extreme.
00:43:22.120 You're listening to the best of the Glenn Beck program.
00:43:28.100 You've been covering a couple of stories that, you know, have not been covered by the mainstream
00:43:48.500 media or really anybody else.
00:43:51.480 Thus, the name something's off with Andrew Heaton.
00:43:54.160 Well, you know, there's a few things we endeavor to do.
00:43:56.100 It is a fun podcast.
00:43:58.100 It's a thoughtful podcast.
00:43:59.520 And so I do.
00:44:00.880 I bring on a lot of people to have discourse.
00:44:03.380 The motto of the show is good and intelligent people can disagree on matters of substance.
00:44:08.500 But before I get into that thoughtful stuff, I try and find headlines that I don't feel
00:44:13.340 are getting sufficient attention in the national media.
00:44:15.300 And this week, I didn't even do multiple headlines.
00:44:17.960 I dedicated like a full block to trying to unravel this story, which I believe is what's
00:44:22.100 going to get me the Pulitzer this next year.
00:44:23.620 Really?
00:44:23.980 Which is one of my goals for 2019.
00:44:25.180 Wow.
00:44:25.520 Okay.
00:44:25.700 So what was the story that you were...
00:44:28.520 So, and I need to stress, I'm not making any of this up.
00:44:31.360 This is all totally legitimate.
00:44:32.700 Okay.
00:44:33.340 Scientists were concerned that in Hawaii, endangered monk seals kept being found with dead eels up
00:44:40.620 their nostrils.
00:44:41.700 That they were apparently snorting eels.
00:44:45.420 Right.
00:44:45.620 Have you seen this?
00:44:46.640 Yeah, I saw the picture.
00:44:48.020 It's creepy.
00:44:48.500 And they don't seem to mind it.
00:44:50.320 They seem...
00:44:51.160 I don't know seal psychology super well.
00:44:53.720 But they appear to be kind of blithely unaware.
00:44:56.240 I would...
00:44:56.660 Or the fact that they don't have hands.
00:44:59.040 They know there's nothing they can do about it.
00:45:00.980 So it's just like, whatever.
00:45:01.840 I got it.
00:45:02.060 They're the Buddhists of the animal world where they're like, you know what?
00:45:05.780 Like, can't do anything about it.
00:45:07.200 So don't reject it.
00:45:07.980 Just roll with the punch.
00:45:09.940 Yeah, they...
00:45:11.180 So it started out with this photo that's gone viral where there's this seal monk that looks
00:45:15.800 like it's half asleep with this two inches of eel dangling out of its nostril.
00:45:20.160 And this scientist, it was spotted on, you know, one of these endangered species cams
00:45:23.900 or whatever, whatever the scientists have set up there.
00:45:25.820 And so he sent out this email.
00:45:27.060 And I did some research on this.
00:45:28.580 The email subject line was just eel in nose, question mark.
00:45:32.540 And it was him emailing the other scientists to see if there was a protocol for removing eels from
00:45:36.920 seal noses.
00:45:37.960 And they had to do a back and forth.
00:45:39.100 And eventually they're like, apparently we don't have this in the handbook.
00:45:41.060 So some guy just went out there and like pulled it out like a magic trick, like one of those
00:45:45.140 handkerchiefs the magician has.
00:45:47.040 Took out this dead...
00:45:48.760 It was dead.
00:45:49.500 It was...
00:45:49.740 Yeah, yeah.
00:45:50.160 It's...
00:45:50.680 I don't know how long it was alive.
00:45:52.440 By the time they got it, it was dead.
00:45:53.680 The seal was fine.
00:45:54.820 The seal was fine.
00:45:55.960 Although this is one of the concerns they have is that if this keeps happening and they've
00:46:00.380 found like...
00:46:00.860 They've got like five documented cases of this now, at least four.
00:46:04.140 They said four or five.
00:46:05.100 So I assume one of them might be the same.
00:46:06.460 They're just not sure.
00:46:06.940 Um, but their, their fear is that if this keeps happening, that the, uh, the monk seals
00:46:11.460 will either get pneumonia or there just might be general health complications from having
00:46:15.240 a rotting eel carcass in your nostril, which I think is a fair assumption.
00:46:18.680 And so I...
00:46:20.000 So are the, are the eels crawling in against the will of the seal?
00:46:25.660 That is a great question.
00:46:26.660 Or are they, are the eels going somehow or another, come see what's inside the cavern of
00:46:33.960 my face?
00:46:34.680 Okay.
00:46:35.160 Great question.
00:46:36.180 And this is what has been racking the scientific community these few months since this started
00:46:40.340 happening.
00:46:40.700 Uh, we're, we're putting, we're putting cures for cancer on the back burner and we're all
00:46:44.780 trying to figure out, uh...
00:46:45.800 Oh, it's important.
00:46:46.540 I mean, I'm a doctor, so I understand the importance.
00:46:48.000 Yeah.
00:46:48.020 And I'm a deputy scientist.
00:46:49.040 Right.
00:46:49.300 Okay.
00:46:49.480 I own a lab coat.
00:46:50.140 That's how that works under U.S. law.
00:46:51.280 Uh, and, uh, no, so the, the, there's kind of three prevailing theories and I've got my
00:46:55.520 own fourth theory.
00:46:56.520 The, the first theory is that the monk seals, when they're, they're hunting and they eat
00:47:00.780 eels among, they eat eels, urchins, and octopi.
00:47:03.180 The theory is that they will find a hole underwater and just kind of shove their head into it and
00:47:07.440 start grounging around and there'll be an eel inside and the only orifice with which it could
00:47:12.880 escape is the seal nostril from the perspective of the eel.
00:47:16.240 So it just shoots up there trying to escape and that doesn't work.
00:47:18.620 So that's one theory, right?
00:47:19.640 That's a pretty good theory.
00:47:20.700 And that's pretty smart.
00:47:21.620 I feel like that's a good idea from the eel.
00:47:23.980 It's actually pretty smart.
00:47:25.300 It's, you know what?
00:47:25.820 Like, I mean, shoot the moon.
00:47:26.900 If you can make it through that whole gastrointestinal track, that would, you would be the greatest
00:47:30.320 eel of all time if you could work your way through there.
00:47:32.220 But so far, well, you know what?
00:47:33.740 Maybe they have.
00:47:34.520 We're only seeing the dead ones.
00:47:35.940 Maybe, maybe the really fast eels get out.
00:47:38.860 I don't think it's super likely because apparently, again, I spent way too much time researching
00:47:43.360 this.
00:47:43.940 Seals have pretty good muscle retention in their nostrils.
00:47:46.760 Like I think it's almost like a sphincter or something where they can control that hole.
00:47:49.700 So I don't think it's likely something could force it in, which brings us to theory number
00:47:53.080 two, which is that they're vomiting out the eels.
00:47:55.940 So like if you've ever, you know, shoot Mr. Pip out your nose when you're laughing because
00:47:59.240 you were watching Newhart.
00:48:00.360 Right.
00:48:00.800 Newhart, great show.
00:48:01.660 And you're watching that and Bob Newhart just, oh, he's so funny.
00:48:04.540 Yeah.
00:48:04.700 And you shoot out that Mr. Pip out your nose.
00:48:06.500 Could be something like that.
00:48:07.560 Right.
00:48:08.760 Again, but it's like the whole eel.
00:48:10.780 So I don't think that's like it.
00:48:12.160 And the third one, which is kind of the one the scientists seem to be gravitating towards
00:48:16.120 is, and I'm not, again, this is them, not me.
00:48:18.900 Teenagers are dumb.
00:48:20.380 Their theory is that just there are dumb monk seal, probably males, that just snort eels for
00:48:25.500 the hell of it, because why not to impress their seal buddies?
00:48:28.600 So it's like the T, it's like the seals, Tide Pod.
00:48:32.320 It's like drag racing.
00:48:33.340 It's like Tide Pod.
00:48:33.980 It's like Tide Pod.
00:48:34.520 It's just a stupid thing they do.
00:48:35.380 It's like the seal adults are like, look at the damn teenagers.
00:48:38.740 Our entire society of seals are going to be wiped out in the next generation.
00:48:43.360 The elder seals are talking about how the water used to be wetter.
00:48:46.180 Right.
00:48:46.500 And how the young seals are narcissistic.
00:48:48.840 They don't have proper seal respect.
00:48:50.460 And they don't clap their flippers as well.
00:48:52.780 Right.
00:48:52.920 My theory, by the way, is I think there's probably cocaine in them.
00:48:55.880 I think that there's cocaine inside the eels.
00:48:57.660 I don't know where cocaine comes from, but it's probably eels.
00:48:59.740 It comes from plants.
00:49:01.040 Does it?
00:49:01.780 Well, maybe.
00:49:02.860 Then I guess those eels are eaten, because that's the only thing I can think of that
00:49:05.340 would compel an edible to suck an eel up, or any species, to suck an eel up its nose.
00:49:09.620 That's the only thing I can think of.
00:49:10.800 Yeah.
00:49:11.400 Yeah.
00:49:11.760 Okay.
00:49:12.660 Let me switch topics to Cohen.
00:49:16.240 Okay.
00:49:16.640 So if you're on the Pulitzer Committee, if you're listening, you're on the Pulitzer Committee,
00:49:19.580 I'm doing yeoman's work here.
00:49:21.380 It's a big investigation.
00:49:23.260 It's on the level with the Miami Herald, with all the stuff they did.
00:49:28.380 The Epstein case.
00:49:29.040 The Epstein case.
00:49:29.960 I mean, there's a few nominees, but you're there.
00:49:32.900 I'd share it with the Miami Herald.
00:49:34.260 So you know that he does have an Emmy.
00:49:36.460 He won an Emmy.
00:49:37.780 I was given an Emmy by John Stossel.
00:49:41.900 Right.
00:49:42.180 So John Stossel, great guy, that I worked with, or I worked near, I wasn't on the same team
00:49:48.060 as him at Fox Business.
00:49:49.160 But this is the worst award ever.
00:49:50.840 So he was given to you.
00:49:51.960 He won it.
00:49:52.560 He gave it to you, and you weren't even working with him?
00:49:54.880 That's not winning an Emmy.
00:49:55.860 You can't put that on the resume.
00:49:57.100 So John, who, if you don't know John, John's an incredibly smart guy and a very nice guy.
00:50:02.100 Very nice guy.
00:50:02.600 But also the least sentimental human being I've ever met.
00:50:05.420 Yes.
00:50:05.520 Like, he just doesn't, it's like he had to like.
00:50:07.300 He is like what AI is going to be.
00:50:09.400 Yeah.
00:50:09.720 He, like, he looks up like, hmm, human emotions on Wikipedia.
00:50:13.440 Yes.
00:50:13.640 Like, reads about them.
00:50:14.440 Yes.
00:50:14.900 And so for a while, what he would do is he would have these, he has like, I think,
00:50:18.660 eight national Emmys, which are a big deal.
00:50:20.440 And he has like 400 local Emmys, which are important, but not as big of a deal.
00:50:24.360 So when he would go to college campuses, whoever asked the best question, he would just give
00:50:28.040 them a local Emmy.
00:50:28.680 So when I left Fox, I went like, uh, John, if you're just passing out Emmys, I'd take
00:50:34.840 one.
00:50:35.200 And he's like, why should I give it to you?
00:50:36.820 And I was like, well, because, you know, I do political satire and just walked over and
00:50:39.680 handed me a national Emmy.
00:50:40.680 It was like, here you go.
00:50:41.700 And, uh, so I thought this was really, and the way, and the way he told this to me, he
00:50:45.440 was like, Hey, you know, John really thought this was a funny thing that we did and everything
00:50:48.860 else.
00:50:49.400 So I'm on a plane with, uh, uh, with John just a few weeks ago and we're, we're flying to,
00:50:54.860 I don't remember Bermuda.
00:50:56.520 And, uh, and so he, he hops on the plane and I said, John, I know a friend of yours.
00:51:03.640 And he, he goes off and he talks and says all great stuff about Andrew Heaton and how
00:51:07.720 much he loves him and everything else.
00:51:08.960 And I said, Andrew told me that you gave him a national Emmy.
00:51:13.380 And he's like, Oh yeah.
00:51:14.840 Yeah.
00:51:15.940 You want one?
00:51:16.920 I mean, he's giving them away like they're candy.
00:51:19.340 Yeah.
00:51:19.560 Yeah.
00:51:19.980 No, no cinematography.
00:51:21.660 Yeah.
00:51:22.520 John was probably just tired of dusting.
00:51:24.380 Yeah.
00:51:24.640 I decided that was an easy way to get rid of it.
00:51:26.240 It's incredible.
00:51:27.740 Andrew, uh, Andrew Heaton.
00:51:29.440 Something's off with Andrew Heaton is the podcast.
00:51:31.700 Subscribe to it.
00:51:32.540 You're going to love it.
00:51:33.280 It's a, it's a lot of fun, Andrew.
00:51:35.420 Thank you so much.
00:51:36.140 Thank you.
00:51:36.840 The blaze radio network on demand.
00:51:42.380 Good.
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00:51:46.820 Good.
00:51:47.300 Good.
00:51:47.480 Good.
00:51:47.920 Bye.
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00:52:01.840 Go.
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