The Glenn Beck Program - Best of The Program ｜ Guests： Lara Logan & Andrew Heaton

00:00:00.000 today is a fun podcast we started with a little ode really uh to um uh chris cuomo you know as

00:00:11.720 stew says andrew cuomo is awful dot com but chris cuomo is worse right dot com uh we talk about the

00:00:21.000 hypocrisy uh on chris cuomo and the people who are screaming you gotta follow science really

00:00:29.360 let's see if they're following science on a few things then we also had laura logan on she talked

00:00:34.320 about what's happening with the surveillance state now it's growing out of control uh and an old

00:00:40.200 friend came by uh andrew heaton who is trying to be the number one poet on amazon today he's got a

00:00:48.080 new book out called los angeles is hideous poems about an ugly city it's a little dark a little

00:00:54.820 dark um but uh we'd like you to go out and buy it at on amazon and make him the number one poet in

00:01:01.800 the country uh because that's really how sad and pathetic his life has become that he's like please

00:01:08.320 i have nothing to hold on to uh los angeles is hideous poems about an ugly city very very funny

00:01:14.280 and i think we started something in california you have to listen to the podcast because i think this

00:01:22.140 is going to be a continuing storyline for a while don't miss it

00:01:26.140 you're listening to the best of the blend back program

00:01:38.080 breaking news from reuters this morning protests in cuba will increase the risk of covid 19 transmission

00:01:50.600 because of an already high level of cases and the more contagious delta variant health officials

00:01:57.580 said on wednesday the pan-american health organization urged cubans and tourists please

00:02:04.540 avoid all crowds do not go out in the streets wait wait where was this for where was it don't pay any

00:02:13.700 attention don't pay any attention to the man behind the curtain who said it was okay to go out and

00:02:19.220 protest and steal stuff for blm that he doesn't know what he's talking about but well racism is a

00:02:26.020 public health issue uh communism is not no communism communism has only killed oh about 90 million people

00:02:35.020 in the last uh 80 years maybe more than that that's china it was 100 million uh in the in the past

00:02:40.900 century so we're well over 100 million now yeah growing every day and every places like cuba it's

00:02:48.100 killed communism has killed more people than all disease combined pretty much yeah i mean it's

00:02:54.740 okay all right so uh we got to follow the science and uh you know the good thing is

00:03:00.280 we have guardians of science like chris cuomo do we have the uh the audio of what chris cuomo said

00:03:07.920 uh about this covid search the delta variant here it is listen the story of this pandemic on the right

00:03:15.800 side is deep denial and we are going to remember for generations how we made ourselves sick nobody else

00:03:24.780 did what we've done in america yeah that's right we had a cure faster than just about anybody yeah cure

00:03:29.860 but a vaccine uh-huh and we made ourselves sick we lied to ourselves we did about the pandemic our

00:03:36.160 leaders called it a hoax it's trump but it was more than trump wow he uh he went on and and talked

00:03:42.120 about this this controversy in tennessee as well but now we have the big case in point tennessee

00:03:48.760 tennessee monday their top vaccine officials says she was fired after she sent a memo to vaccine

00:03:54.140 providers about a state law that already existed i think it's existed since 1987 it's called a mature

00:03:59.680 minor um policy which is where it allows doctors to determine if teenagers even if they're

00:04:06.140 not right of the age of majority that they can still be treated as long as the doctor believes

00:04:12.340 that they're mature enough to understand their health care decisions okay so they don't need

00:04:15.840 the parents consent oh it comes amid a larger effort to halt vaccine outreach for all diseases

00:04:23.040 think about that why think about that let me think about it because you know what stu you know

00:04:28.080 what i'm thinking what i'm thinking this isn't approved for kids it's not approved for kids yes no

00:04:33.520 so uh was it yes or is it no stu what do you mean yes well honestly it's you're right it is not

00:04:39.940 approved for kids however that does not apply to this particular story because they're talking

00:04:43.320 about 14 to 17 year olds okay all right so you have to be mature yeah 14 year olds that's their

00:04:49.840 rule okay all right but again like he's not it has nothing to do with tennessee tennessee is just a

00:04:54.600 way for them to say red state bad right and chris cuomo wants you to know he's a man of science

00:05:00.660 he is a man as you heard i know that he really is uh it's not the red staters of course those are

00:05:06.320 those people are against science science and he can't believe that these red staters would do such

00:05:11.140 a thing well is this really chris cuomo though is he really a man of science science that helps

00:05:21.480 that's it does that's really helpful worked for thomas dolby science

00:05:24.560 uh so let me introduce you to purist magazine pure purist magazine purist magazine purist magazine

00:05:33.520 what is purist magazine uh well let me give you their mantra make the things you let into your body

00:05:39.360 mind and spirit matter let purist be your guide so what you put into your body should be guided so

00:05:47.620 it's like goop that it's like goop it's like goop if you think goop uh is only for peasants you know

00:05:55.820 if goop has number one if it's for only poor people right and also it does it has too high if you want

00:06:04.540 lower credibility right so if you say goop is too authoritarian authoritarian authoritative yes uh yes

00:06:11.740 that's true um now interesting purist magazine is run by christina cuomo uh of course you may

00:06:21.320 remember her as the person who's just found in jeffrey epstein's address book yeah um otherwise

00:06:25.940 known as oh yeah chris's wife that's right i forgot about that yeah so chris cuomo's wife has a magazine

00:06:32.840 and it's this like super elitist hamptons magazine science it's basically a hamptons version of goop

00:06:39.520 okay okay and so that's really what it is now wow that's snotty i'm just trying it's like over

00:06:45.060 the top it's like it's like gwyneth paltrow is not snotty enough for us what do we do let's start

00:06:51.960 our own thing okay so uh purist is basically this hamptons goop uh that advises people on all sorts of

00:07:03.360 different diseases among other things also where you buy multi-million dollar real estate and all

00:07:08.940 sorts of other ridiculous expensive things but a lot of it's focused on health stuff and

00:07:15.080 it's easy to forgive a little diversion for rich people to go and talk about wellness uh you know

00:07:22.100 you're the wife of a celebrity and you're all you know you're gonna have all the cures and the and

00:07:26.100 the candles yeah and all and all of that no i don't think it's that easy to give you like who cares i

00:07:31.780 don't care if they read yeah okay i'll give you that however we should note that this man who is

00:07:36.080 telling you he's a man of science science is not only married to but was also being treated by

00:07:42.060 uh the doctors who write for purist magazine and are contributors to goop but good heavens

00:07:48.840 these are good references that's a very deep reference okay so uh during the worst part of quote

00:08:00.440 covid the cuomo family was actually giving recommendations for treatment of covid 19

00:08:06.580 okay these treatments these are that's their word not mine treatments for covid 19 which she used the

00:08:12.100 word treatments often in between her occasional efforts at legal disclaimer because of course they're

00:08:17.900 not treatments for covid 19 but things like here's a quote broth of cayenne pepper ginger and garlic or

00:08:24.600 the lemon and ginger tea or vitamin c she later admits that of course there is not none of these

00:08:30.240 are cures uh for covid 19 um but added a name of a doctor who is advising them and helped her and her

00:08:37.960 husband chris cuomo on a path of natural remedies to strengthen his immune system okay so so so this is

00:08:45.780 this is what he had this is what chris cuomo did forget what he's telling you on television right

00:08:50.700 what did he do when he got covid when he was claiming he was in the basement right which he

00:08:55.420 wasn't yes uh that's that's that this is what he was having yes now he went to dr linda lancaster

00:09:02.560 oh love her now she here she is talking about how close to the mainstream of a doctor she is

00:09:08.480 i'm not a medical doctor i don't use drugs okay so it's not a medical doctor just a mr mainstream

00:09:16.840 science not not he could have come to me i'm a doctor too i'm not a medical doctor now so chris cuomo

00:09:27.380 again insulting tennessee insulting red states got to stay with the science went to this woman who

00:09:33.880 seems delightful she is the founder of something called the light harmonics institute i love that

00:09:39.880 and she seems very sweet she's a naturopathic doctor which is by the way a type of doctor not

00:09:45.500 recognized as a doctor of by the state of new york yeah but a lot of people that are that his

00:09:49.560 brother runs i mean i have no problem if you're a naturopath i mean fine again i i'm not criticizing

00:09:56.920 you can do whatever the hell you want right right the point here though is that he cuomo is on

00:10:02.620 television telling you to follow all the mainstream recommendations of science science that he's doing

00:10:09.180 this which are not the mainstream recommendations of science science thank you wait wait thank you

00:10:15.140 that's much better okay so she uh has uh dr lancaster describes how do we recover from an illness

00:10:23.560 covet is a big illness right it's right affecting a lot of you recover how do we recover from that

00:10:28.040 illness hint it is not medication the body has an innate ability to heal itself

00:10:35.800 we were born with this vital force yes that knows how to heal us okay all right what interferes or

00:10:44.360 what causes illness okay that's a good question what causes illness now i would say like a bacteria

00:10:50.520 or a virus right on this particular example a virus is what does it but i'm not a doctor like this

00:10:56.420 doctor well she's not a doctor either i'm not a science man like chris cuomo's a science man

00:11:00.520 right yes so let's see what she says causes illness for me it's been evaluating the electromagnetic

00:11:08.700 energy of the cells oh okay to see whether they're in a coherent flow oh the flow that's the flow of

00:11:16.940 the cells okay now that was my next guess i will say i didn't say i should have said it right i didn't

00:11:22.320 say well you're not into the chakras yeah right you know what i mean oh she gets lots of there's lots

00:11:26.480 a shocker talk if that's what you want tons of shocker talk from really okay i don't have any

00:11:30.940 of those clips pulled but she does talk about it quite a bit now you can argue some republicans

00:11:35.160 policies are off the mark but i've never heard a republican argue that we should cure diseases by

00:11:40.440 the flow of the cells or electromagnetic energy right okay right let's hear more about this science

00:11:47.200 each cell in our body has a positive and a negative flow okay and the the balance of the positive

00:11:55.700 negative is the integrity of each cell this flow of energy is is etheric energy because ether is in

00:12:07.700 all of space the ether is in all of space ether said the doctor there's so the ether is in all of space

00:12:16.000 so i would just like to point she sounds like she's very um asian medicine she's very chinese medicine

00:12:22.480 which didn't help the people in wuhan just just wanted a science okay so uh i'm curious if this

00:12:33.500 is mainstream science i don't know maybe i don't know is it chris i because remember this isn't just

00:12:38.460 some dumb thing his wife recommended in her stupid magazine this is literally how chris cuomo was treated

00:12:46.800 for covet 19 he's criticizing all these republicans right this is how he did it she talked exactly

00:12:53.740 about how she treated her covet patients like chris cuomo later on listen food is number one for me

00:13:00.240 i use a me for my covet patients i use a soup a soup called passata de verdura which is green soup

00:13:09.700 there you go again i have yet to hear dr fauci come out and recommend soup i'll go a step further

00:13:17.560 i haven't heard donald trump recommend soup oh he said uh he said uh hydrochloroquine that's what he

00:13:24.500 said an actual medicine a drug prescribed by doctors that's right that was his idea that was too crazy but

00:13:32.200 soup soup soup hydroxychloroquine no soup yes now all right there were i don't know why we bothered

00:13:40.140 with all these vaccines when we had soup we had just the whole time the whole time um so you know

00:13:45.140 what it is the drug companies they are just getting rich while the campbells people had the solution the

00:13:51.920 whole time this is the best of the glenn beck program

00:13:59.080 welcome laura how are you hey i'm good thank you how are you that's very good always good to talk to

00:14:13.340 you um so you i saw you yesterday and you were talking about what is happening uh with surveillance

00:14:22.160 and privacy and censorship and i don't think people really understand how bad it is it is does the

00:14:30.660 fourth amendment even exist anymore you know glenn the fourth amendment does exist and that's uh

00:14:38.380 really important for people to remember because if we treat it as if it's already gone then no one

00:14:44.520 will fight to uphold it you know they want in in a way they want you to think the fourth amendment is

00:14:50.140 gone that's part of the problem you talk to young kids today and they say ah so what i don't need

00:14:55.560 my privacy i'm not doing anything wrong and that's because they really don't understand we've all

00:15:00.120 you know we've been deceived by the tech industry because nobody said here take this handy little

00:15:06.540 device you know that's going to make your life better and easier in every way and it's be safer

00:15:10.960 because you can call for help and so on and now we're at the point where our phones are tracking

00:15:16.260 us 24 7 and where uh these people who own these companies own all this information about us they

00:15:23.060 own everything that we say and do literally every single thing so a kid who thinks well i'm using a

00:15:28.640 hidden app right to to send you know racy pictures to my boyfriend well no it's it might be hidden from

00:15:34.980 your parents it might be hidden from someone who picks up your phone but the person who owns that app

00:15:39.420 owns all those images of you and they can do whatever they want with them and by the way if they're

00:15:44.020 being stored on a cloud then you know that your parent has and you're underage your parent is

00:15:49.720 now in possession of child pornography and you you know a few years ago nobody would have believed

00:15:55.540 that that's the kind of thing the government exploits now imagine you were in uh the capital

00:16:00.900 on january 6th and they don't have anything on you but they want to get rid of you anyway

00:16:05.020 because they don't like your politics well now you can be charged with child porn because they have the

00:16:10.260 ability to go through everything and not only that they they have made deals with phone companies

00:16:16.060 i never understood edward snowden fully you know um i didn't understand that the programs that he

00:16:22.860 exposed like blarney and fairview and all these others these were deals that the phone companies made

00:16:28.940 with the nsa to physically allow them into their sites so that they could download all of our

00:16:35.580 communications that go on our phones and they were paid to do it so the phone companies made money

00:16:42.500 selling us out so the fact that all of these people don't um that they violate the fourth amendment

00:16:48.880 doesn't mean that the fourth amendment doesn't exist what it means is that we're not upholding that

00:16:55.380 right and that's what we need to start doing okay so for people that um there's two two questions here

00:17:03.200 one for people who don't know what the fourth amendment is remind the fourth amendment uh and

00:17:08.540 then i have a follow-up so the fourth amendment is our right to privacy and people think it's just

00:17:14.700 about you know okay i'm not doing anything wrong or i don't have any secrets therefore i you know i

00:17:19.240 don't care about my privacy what were the origins of the fourth amendment it was really the the

00:17:24.360 founding fathers knew that one of the ways that the british prevented them from organizing

00:17:29.800 um and rising up and challenging them was preventing them from meeting in private right that's the

00:17:36.520 purpose of your privacy is much more than you know just being out of public view and uh and and so

00:17:43.780 there is really nothing that's more central to our democracy than the right to privacy i mean all of

00:17:49.600 those rights in the constitution have a real purpose and a real value and if we allow people to take

00:17:55.720 them away from us we're voluntarily surrendering that we're like lambs to the slaughter you know

00:18:01.540 that's literally what we are so the the fourth amendment also says that you have a right to be secure

00:18:06.940 in your own papers and that again comes from king george quartering soldiers in people's houses just going

00:18:14.520 in and and just saying they're living with you now and you had nothing to say about it uh and they would

00:18:20.760 go through all of your papers and they would spy on you in your own home i have contended for a long

00:18:27.580 time the third and fourth amendment are being violated right now they're not physically quartering

00:18:34.180 soldiers in your home but they certainly are in your home through all of the apps that they have back

00:18:41.320 doors on and they are going through your quote papers this is a real problem you're 100 right

00:18:50.700 and sort of the physical evidence you know sort of example of that that i think people can grasp

00:18:55.580 onto is alexa for example and the other and the other systems like this what you've done is literally

00:19:01.780 give something you've said okay you know when they show up at your front door you don't have to let them

00:19:07.240 in right they have to have a warrant so in order to go into your private space whether it's your

00:19:11.980 communications or your home they have to have a warrant they have to do it legally and um if you you know

00:19:17.380 that's why the pfizer court actually exists when it comes to surveillance the pfizer court is the

00:19:22.220 highest court in the land well what are the origins of that well you know back in the 1970s they realized

00:19:28.320 that government overreach and surveillance was a real problem so they created a surveillance court

00:19:33.600 specifically to monitor this and what if we have today in may the pfizer court came out with a with an

00:19:40.700 historic report that was really a massive rebuke of the fbi and law enforcement and what it said was

00:19:48.080 that in violation of a 2018 and 2019 two different courts two different federal judges ruled that

00:19:55.900 warrantless surveillance cannot be used legally it is inadmissible in court well that happened because

00:20:03.200 of what edward snowden revealed it happened because of what bill binney an nsa whistleblower before him

00:20:09.140 what he was warning about years before edward snowden he inspired actually edward snowden it's

00:20:15.000 what all of them on the inside saw coming right and put out there so what the judges said was this

00:20:20.740 this information that you're getting from the nsa has been taken it's been gathered without a warrant

00:20:26.100 therefore you cannot use it because it violates the fourth amendment well the latest report from the

00:20:31.460 pfizer court says what is the fbi doing with regard to january 6 and trump supporters they're using the

00:20:37.620 the nsa database once again they're using the uh warrantless surveillance which has been ruled

00:20:43.900 illegal everybody knows that there's no there's no hiding it so in our one episode we actually show

00:20:49.980 robert muller way back after 9-11 because i think people forget that he was the guy in charge of the

00:20:55.240 fbi at the time of 9-11 and he's defending a technique that the fbi uses to hide the origin of a case in

00:21:03.400 court right it's called parallel construction and it's where the fbi and other agencies have gone

00:21:10.440 to the nsa database to this surveillance and this warrantless collection of information whether it's

00:21:15.600 through the internet through the internet companies through the phone systems through whatever it is

00:21:20.440 and they have used that um to uh spy on you and to prosecute you and they create a parallel chain of

00:21:28.280 evidence that's what it is they it's parallel construction to hide the origins of the case

00:21:33.860 and basically to lie to the court because they know that their evidence is inadmissible and you know

00:21:39.400 this really comes to mind right now because you have how many americans are sitting in prison in

00:21:45.720 washington dc who have yet to be convicted of any crime and they're in solitary confinement you know

00:21:52.280 elizabeth warren and other even democrat senators have campaigned against solitary confinement they

00:21:58.280 call it the most uh cruel form of torture yeah and extreme punishment and you have american citizens

00:22:05.620 on american soil in solitary confinement who have never been convicted of a crime and we are silent

00:22:13.200 glenn and how are they going after all of these people what this database of surveillance allows

00:22:19.100 the law enforcement to do is to go back in time through all of your communications find things

00:22:26.220 to manipulate into you know your weaknesses or whatever anything they want but they can go back

00:22:31.320 because everything digital lives forever that's how we know you know when people are lying when they

00:22:37.760 say the emails disappeared right lois lerner irs hillary clinton you know they're lying because in the

00:22:44.020 digital world nothing ever goes away so talk to the people who will say um i don't have anything to

00:22:55.440 hide i don't think people understand you know i i was i was in a mall the other day and uh this woman

00:23:04.560 come came running out of a store and she said oh my gosh you're glenn back and she had a very heavy

00:23:10.540 polish accent and i said yes ma'am and she said i just can't thank you enough for what you say and

00:23:17.460 what you're doing she's like i came from communism i escaped what is happening and i said i people here

00:23:25.340 just don't think that way we just don't understand what a surveillance and oppressive state really means

00:23:33.980 so explain to people who say i don't have anything to hide i don't care they can watch everything

00:23:38.900 why is this a danger it's a danger because they're not just looking at what you may have to hide

00:23:46.500 they're looking at how to manipulate you and into doing what they want it's that these are control

00:23:52.240 systems that's really who they are and so what we're ultimately one of the whistleblowers not whistleblowers

00:23:58.080 hackers in our piece who was very very uh if he was one of the most revered privacy specialists

00:24:04.580 online privacy specialists in the world before he was targeted his name is jacob applebaum and i think

00:24:10.260 he's one of the most extraordinary people i've ever interviewed and he and julian assange and another

00:24:15.560 guy trevor fitzgibbon who was the pr arm of wikileaks they were the three pillars of wikileaks

00:24:20.760 you know julian the face of it jacob was really the the software and the mind behind it you know the

00:24:26.140 technological mind he vetted all of the snowden you know the nsa documents before that snowden got to

00:24:31.440 make sure that they were real and so on and they were all targeted with false rape allegations and

00:24:37.060 their lives destroyed right and jacob is in self-imposed exile in berlin but this young man

00:24:42.460 is uh is really uh extraordinary mind and he talked to me about the the future of the world is where we

00:24:49.600 become the monitored class i.e you and i and everyone else who's surveilled and those monitoring us and

00:24:56.360 those are really the only two classes in in the future right all the other stuff left and right

00:25:01.960 and communist monsters blah blah blah none of that is actually going to matter at all because in the

00:25:06.780 future we are literally separated by those who are monitored and those who are not because monitoring us

00:25:13.680 it encourages us to self-center right so what do we do we police ourselves why are you going to defund

00:25:20.480 the police you don't need the police because we're going to police ourselves and with the surveillance

00:25:25.340 we will always know who's doing what this is we can decide who we're going to let get away with a crime

00:25:31.080 or you know whether there's something and we need you to do something for us we know that you're cheating

00:25:36.240 on your wife therefore you're the guy that we're going to go to or your daughter wants to go to this

00:25:41.760 particular college program okay and they look back oh her parents look they're christians oh she's not

00:25:47.900 going to this program we don't want any christians you know and um oh these people are homophobic or

00:25:52.680 whatever it happens to be they what they do with the information is they create a human terrain map

00:25:58.980 for every single person on the planet anyone who's within a digital signature and within their reach

00:26:06.560 they are creating a human terrain map that can be used against you by anyone can be private corporations

00:26:14.100 can be the health insurance companies you get your dna tested at 23andme well i interviewed a guy

00:26:18.980 from an hmo one of these health management operations right and organizations and he said

00:26:24.900 they were buying data from 23andme that's one of those third party users that they're selling to

00:26:32.100 so they can then determine with your dna the health insurance companies can decide whether or not to

00:26:37.620 insure you and how much to charge you and you you can break that down well you know are we going to give

00:26:42.760 you medical care cancer treatment no you're probably going to die so you're going to get to the back of

00:26:47.360 the line we're going to decide who gets treated based on survivability or in california a couple

00:26:52.920 years ago they made it a law that every child that enters the education system has to be monitored the

00:26:58.920 entire way through because they want to ensure equal you know that they all have equal opportunity

00:27:04.000 well how easy is that to manipulate so i think what what people really don't understand is that

00:27:10.720 this human terrain map generates what is then called a pattern of life so it's not just what you

00:27:17.220 do and what you say it's when you don't do those things or it's when you change your pattern of life

00:27:22.780 they're able to identify changes so say for example you know um when i was attacked and targeted for my

00:27:30.020 reporting on benghazi one of the things that was the subversive thing in all the the undercurrent

00:27:34.900 behind all the attacks was was trying to destroy my marriage and break up my home there were actually

00:27:39.840 articles um that were you know sort of hoping and and celebrating this idea and then they started to

00:27:45.320 attack my husband and they tried to suggest that oh my husband was you know some uh evil military

00:27:51.100 propagandist and that you know that uh and the inference was uh of course they could only infer it because

00:27:57.260 it's a complete and that's a lie that this is somehow tainted my reporting you know and so what

00:28:02.760 are they trying to do when they go after you when they cancel you they don't want to you to just lose

00:28:07.400 your job they don't want megan kelly to lose um her show they want her never ever ever to get another job

00:28:14.360 in broadcasting ever again when they get rid of glenn beck and you know bill o'reilly and they don't

00:28:20.260 want you to survive they don't want you to be employed anywhere else so they want to destroy you

00:28:25.240 financially they want to make sure that you know everyone when you have financial pressure

00:28:29.100 it causes uh friction right in homes and in marriages and and difficulties in people's lives

00:28:34.440 and so you see this over and over and over again what do they do they want you never to be hired

00:28:39.620 right they're going to say look what they're doing in corporate america they're saying if you

00:28:43.180 were a trump supporter or you went to the capitol on january 6th you have to be fired if you're

00:28:47.520 bank with you're not allowed to bank with us you're not allowed chick-fil-a you can't open

00:28:51.440 a restaurant at a gas station or you know motor stop along the way because you don't you're you

00:28:57.040 know you're a bunch of uh uh christians and you don't support transgender right

00:29:00.780 this is the best of the glenn beck program and don't forget rate us on itunes

00:29:08.940 from the new book los angeles is hideous palms about an ugly city

00:29:20.260 pretty as cinder block smeared with lipstick oh blight of traffic and concrete dumpsters

00:29:28.400 thy principal building material is bathroom tiling grout drenched in sunlight as compensation

00:29:37.300 like a chef at applebee's drowning freeze-dried sadness in cheese to hide the shame the shame

00:29:46.420 all the beauty of a parking lot and yet ironically you'll never find a parking space

00:29:53.360 watch them toss palm trees at strip malls to gussy up the streets like injecting botox into a corpse

00:30:02.600 behold the concrete slabs with squares gouged out where dreamers peek from cramped rooms

00:30:10.960 to gaze at hobos masturbating into open sewers tis not a city but a meat grinder that devours

00:30:20.020 skinny hopefuls and burps out chunks of porn star los angeles is a prison yard with sparklers

00:30:30.780 chugging champagne beneath an overpass a public toilet with a boob job instagram filters on a dead

00:30:41.960 harlot the end uh uh that's written uh this book is uh los angeles is hideous poems about an ugly city

00:30:51.980 by a good friend of ours and a former co-worker uh andrew heaton welcome andrew how are you uh i'm

00:30:58.560 great uh there are surreal moments in life where you go this is not what i thought would be happening

00:31:03.240 with my career i didn't think i would have glidbeck reading poetry i wrote but you knocked that reading

00:31:08.640 out of the park i gotta say that was a wonderful yeah well thank you thank you i kind of do it for

00:31:13.160 a living that's true uh so you weren't in a good space when you wrote this book may i may i set the

00:31:21.080 scene for you yes so i had i moved to los angeles in january of 2020 now if you will recall may i just

00:31:28.960 why ah good question glenn right i moved to los angeles for the networking glenn for the networking

00:31:38.120 i i knew i wasn't gonna like los angeles but i was gonna be at parties with producers and models you

00:31:43.660 know making comedy right right yes it was the most expensive rent in my life in a 600 square foot box but

00:31:50.360 i wasn't gonna be in it that much right i was gonna be at diners meeting producers right cut to

00:31:55.720 four months later we're heavy into lockdown i am in a bathtub eating oreos out of a bowl of milk with

00:32:02.060 a ladle because i'm too depressed to do dishes and i go i don't think i can live in this city anymore

00:32:08.960 and began jotting down my thoughts on it and right through it in the book that you just read from right

00:32:14.100 so this is therapy yes this is very much therapy yeah you to say you didn't like los angeles yes

00:32:21.580 is a bit of an understatement am i wrong i i it is i think it is an aesthetic monstrosity and i just

00:32:29.300 every time i went through it i just why would anyone allow this thing to happen it's just this giant

00:32:37.440 asphalt carbuncle of varicose veins of traffic holding together strip malls and and rusted laundry

00:32:46.460 machines and it's just everything everything i aesthetically care about in life like i think

00:32:51.340 edinburgh is probably the prettiest city in the world it has a castle it has cobblestones and then

00:32:55.360 los angeles is just this oh this it's like if if you you poked a cyclops and all the fat bubbled out

00:33:02.500 and then congealed into cement and i i just walked around gaping at it all the time wow it was and i

00:33:09.560 was like i have to but at least at least the people were good i you know okay well i don't know i didn't

00:33:15.120 get to meet any of the people i was eating oreos in a bath with a ladle most of the time well i'll say

00:33:20.460 the thing that people generally say is okay granted it's not the prettiest city but there's a beach

00:33:25.840 though it's near a beach and i i get that i'm not a beach guy though i don't like sweating i also happen

00:33:31.180 to think beaches are just a desert with a hole at the end and my recreational goal is not to try to

00:33:36.580 get tired and sleepy next to a bunch of dead fish and sharks and so for me all of that was lost so

00:33:42.680 i was like i don't care that sunny all the time i i yes i'm very happy to not be there anymore and

00:33:47.500 i'm glad that somehow that became the the gorgon faced muse that would activate my poetry career so

00:33:52.520 let me let me ask you this i'm just going to quickly read uh los angeles the river hold on just a

00:33:57.660 sec uh behold now go ahead go roll the music here behold the mighty los angeles river a lengthy

00:34:08.220 concrete drainage ditch wide as a shoebox pretty as a penal shower dribbling pollution into the city

00:34:18.400 but it if a river but trickles through a mortared gutter is it a river at all or just a leak

00:34:27.980 for some distant dehydrated mountain with an engorged prostate and bad aim twice a year the rain gets lost

00:34:36.800 or drunk and shambles through la sloshing life back into this trough but the rest of the time

00:34:44.540 it's merely the seepage of urban incontinence the end again well done i have to say i now wish i'd

00:34:55.600 made this an audiobook and just got a glenn back impression of the audiobook oh i'll cut it for you

00:35:00.740 i would love to cut this for you uh the uh there's not a happy there's not a really a happy ending at

00:35:09.480 any of these no in fact the last poem is called the big one where i talk about if the earth ever

00:35:14.800 needs an enema it would probably start with los angeles and uh just slough off into the drink uh

00:35:20.300 no it's you know i haven't read that one probably redeeming qualities to los angeles i didn't get to

00:35:25.180 enjoy them i think i would i would probably risk uh harming myself if i stuck around long enough to

00:35:30.380 try and explore them so it's mostly just working through the the aesthetic monstrosity that is los

00:35:35.200 angeles uh there is you mentioned the people there is there is a very brief poem in there um

00:35:40.060 called wait i have i have to give me the first uh bed please um the big one

00:35:46.020 one day the tectonic plates themselves will shudder at the ugliness the traffic the cost

00:35:58.460 the cilantro and the city will will wail and clatter like jenga blocks at closing time

00:36:06.840 saith earthquake nay the earth itself is gagging when she finally wretches hard enough and lets loose

00:36:17.120 the big one this wretched people clot this horrible this horrid asphalt carbuncle will sloth into the

00:36:27.360 drink and the prophets shall camp uh and the prophets shall proclaim lo the earth has given

00:36:35.720 herself an enema people clot is an interesting way of looking it really is and it is kind of a

00:36:43.700 people clot it's it's just massive yeah there's so many people there like you know what i'll try

00:36:47.440 i'm not going to go on a political tirade i'm going to really try hard not to go on a political

00:36:50.120 tirade okay go ahead the reason that it's this giant urban massive urban sprawl is because back in

00:36:56.220 the 40s i'm not making any of this up the city fathers were afraid black people were going to get

00:37:00.860 houses and so they outlawed or they outlawed uh apartment complexes because they didn't want black

00:37:05.460 people to live in the neighborhoods and they thought they probably live in apartments that seems to be

00:37:09.180 the thing so we'll outlaw them and we'll make it so you can only have houses like 80 of the housing

00:37:13.240 that you can have in los angeles has to be single family units because they never got rid of that

00:37:17.320 so that the city has to spread out it has to spread like maple syrup on a driveway because it's

00:37:22.620 illegal to build up so you know what's weird is phoenix has uh somewhat of the same story

00:37:28.940 they just didn't want to become los angeles and so they didn't build freeways really yeah for a long

00:37:36.700 time for a long time up until the 80s there were no freeways in phoenix and they were like we'll just

00:37:42.460 keep it small you know if we don't have freeways then we won't have any traffic it didn't work out

00:37:48.300 for them didn't have anything to do with black people okay but uh los angeles is something special

00:37:54.160 i guess yeah and like they seem to be fine now in that regard i think but they've kept the old

00:37:58.880 awful housing regulation all the same and it's like it's one of those things when you're walking

00:38:02.440 around you're seeing this massive sprawl it doesn't have to be that way but they've kept it on the

00:38:06.820 books and it just i drive around you get stuck in traffic for an hour and a half and you're like this

00:38:10.680 is because of old dead racists that tried to mess with the housing market that's why this is happening

00:38:15.140 and you haven't fixed it yet yeah so what was your escape plan because i mean if you just enter

00:38:20.900 a lease uh-huh in january 2020 i mean you're committed for some time i i did i did find a

00:38:26.580 person to take over the lease for me uh and then wow somebody dumber than you yeah exactly right

00:38:32.640 well but if i was gonna find a city i managed to find one and he he took the lease uh every single

00:38:39.500 u-haul was booked uh gavin newsom should be the u-haul employee of the year uh and i couldn't find

00:38:45.300 it so i left most of my furniture he got my bed all my stuff you just i just left you just abandoned it

00:38:50.080 you were like i i did a reverse clamp it family or like jode family like grapes of wrath like back

00:38:56.340 down the highway in my truck like like playing hillbilly music and reverse just escaping and then i i i

00:39:03.500 went and bought a 13 foot fiberglass camper from an 86 year old guy named dave who sold it to me

00:39:08.720 because he just got married and he didn't think it was big enough for him and his wife and that i

00:39:11.400 lived out of that for five months this is true i can wait wait wait wait yeah wait can you can you

00:39:15.940 go back on that story that wasn't so explanatory don't catch all that i don't know if i heard it

00:39:21.100 right uh i left la yeah and with all my stuff in my car um well not all your stuff not all with a

00:39:28.620 quarter of my possessions that had managed to flee the city with me okay uh i bought a 13 foot which is

00:39:34.880 say a pretty short fiberglass camper that looked like an egg from an 86 year old guy named dave

00:39:40.280 got that sold it to me because he just got married he just got married i think a 75 year old lady so

00:39:45.380 well done wow some hinky panky was going on he did not think it was sufficient for them to vacation in

00:39:50.240 so i bought that from him and then just lived out of that for five or six months wow kind of in a van

00:39:55.020 down by the river yeah so that's why i said at the beginning in the commercial that i i did uh for

00:40:01.880 american financing hey how's your financial world working out for you i'd love to ask the next guest

00:40:08.120 because i'm guessing not real well my retirement plan consists of buying lottery tickets and hoping

00:40:14.820 i'm special wait but no that's not true because we have in our midst here potentially the number one

00:40:20.900 poet on amazon i mean you're very close right i i think i was number 20 okay i i was number 200 on

00:40:28.780 humor yesterday number 20 in poetry so apparently i'm a better poet that i am funny which is a

00:40:33.280 surprise for me at this point in my career but i'm number 20 i think if i get to number one i become

00:40:37.120 national poet laureate of the united states i think that's how it works i think at least of california

00:40:42.160 that'd be great so okay let's make this number one in poetry yes can we please uh los angeles is

00:40:48.460 hideous poems about an ugly city i bought i bought a kindle version of it thank you uh would you sign

00:40:54.640 my kindle i would be happy to sign my kindle i'll i'll itch my name into the back yeah los angeles is

00:40:59.740 hideous poems about an ugly city i think this book should be everywhere everywhere uh because it tells

00:41:07.420 the truth in a very poetic sort of way uh tells the truth about all of the light and the and the love

00:41:16.560 that you can find in los angeles back with more in just a second stand by first

00:41:22.240 our sponsor this half hour is gold line buying gold is a hedge against insanity i mean in fact if

00:41:29.880 he would have bought some gold he wouldn't have had the money that because he had no money in his

00:41:35.120 pocket anyway probably wouldn't have had the money uh to go to los angeles and the people in los angeles

00:41:40.160 would have looked at that and go that's crazy here let's go poop on the beach anyway um gold is a

00:41:45.880 great hedge they do that don't they uh yes yeah he's looking at me and i was like no they do that

00:41:53.700 i mean i didn't go to the beach but yeah probably yeah it's like it's like a big litter how long did

00:41:57.660 you live there i lived there for like six months and you never went to the beach i went there one

00:42:02.180 time again it's a litter box with dead dead fish i don't i don't have any desire to go but i went

00:42:06.020 there one time all right you i would have man that would have been a series that would have been a

00:42:11.580 great series just you in los angeles so are you are you like a hobo now i mean do you have a place

00:42:18.760 where you live are you still living in the great city of tulsa i moved there i got i got a grant to

00:42:23.800 live in tulsa i don't know if this has popped up in the news feed for anybody but there's this thing

00:42:26.900 called tulsa remote and they induced me to move there having a great time wait wait wait there's a

00:42:31.680 what so wait what is the program oh there's there's a program where they're they're trying to

00:42:35.180 attract i guess brilliant poets like myself i don't know what the criteria are but what a waste of money

00:42:40.340 that is holy if you get accepted to said program you're you're given a a lump sum at or you're

00:42:45.980 given like a monthly stipend and then a lump sum at the end of the year and so uh so my new

00:42:50.040 retirement plan is convincing cities to pay me money to live in them and tulsa's a nice one

00:42:54.360 convincing city is this not how regular finances work you don't look out for grants to live in a city

00:43:00.620 that doesn't seem like a good investment for tulsa uh no they're they're getting a good suit

00:43:06.220 collection i'm a nice guy it's i'm like what is it you have to do uh tulsa uh i i have to live there

00:43:13.840 that's that's the deal that's the deal you have to you have to live there it has to be i have to be a

00:43:18.460 remote worker because they don't want you competing with anybody and it now i've been to tulsa yeah

00:43:22.560 it's it's not a place where i would feel like they'd have to pay you to live there you know uh it's not

00:43:29.740 los angeles it's it's much nicer way more trees better tree to human ratio right it only takes 20

00:43:35.480 minutes to get ones from one side to the other uh it's nice and i'll say like something that i

00:43:39.600 actually really like about mid-sized cities that i hadn't anticipated is they i think i think they

00:43:44.480 facilitate a melting pot better than large cities do because like when i lived in new york you kind

00:43:48.840 of clump with people that are similar to you not thinking about it in tulsa there are two cigar bars

00:43:54.580 so if you like cigars you're going to meet every black latino gay transgender person in tulsa who

00:44:00.180 like cigars we all are friends and we get along and we hang out it's nice so i'm having a good time

00:44:04.300 okay that's not surprising to me that's not surprising to me it's you do you're right in

00:44:09.000 new york and los angeles i think that's what happens you you wind up walling yourself off in

00:44:13.100 these little communities inside of these because every the every other community is so hostile to your

00:44:17.860 community yeah yeah that's what i mean yeah you're like don't don't don't tell anybody but i'm

00:44:23.440 whatever fill in the blank and the other side is like if you find any of these guys kill them

00:44:29.540 see conversely tulsa's great because you're allowed to just shout compliments at strangers

00:44:34.220 for moving automobiles like not catcall but like i'll just roll down the window and like yell at

00:44:38.480 couples on dates and be like you look fantastic and they're like they're like thanks mister because

00:44:44.040 we're basically in the 50s yeah and then they'll go off to the sock hop or whatever i like that go eat

00:44:48.660 oreos in a bathtub yeah i like that um so uh you took a mutual friend of uh of ours uh or she took

00:44:57.120 you home last night uh yeah well yes by which you mean her and her husband drove me to a friend's

00:45:04.160 house yeah yeah uh i guess for a second i thought i had a more fun evening than i did no i was like

00:45:08.720 this is great i'm surprised i found out from glenn i took somebody home yeah i was like oh no she's

00:45:13.320 give me a ride yeah but she said that you uh you have a pretty convincing impression of me oh yeah

00:45:20.100 i've got okay i've been working on a glenn beck impression really yeah can i um all right stew

00:45:25.340 would you ask me if i like bananas if glenn likes bananas glenn do you like bananas

00:45:31.740 have you ever seen a man die

00:45:36.240 from potassium withdrawal

00:45:40.320 not a good way to go

00:45:45.920 so that's my glenn beck impression wow thank you thank you wow that's great yeah that's uh does it

00:45:53.780 apply to is it always about it's always it's it's it needs to be deep a little ominous and involving

00:45:59.460 potassium that's that's what i figured out all right so like if i said hey how are your kids

00:46:05.460 they're great now

00:46:09.620 because the everything is taking place in the vestibule of the apocalypse right yes so as long

00:46:21.180 as you can see the apocalypse from wherever the statement's coming from you're you're on yeah

00:46:25.340 uh andrew heaton uh the host of his own very successful podcast the political orphanage

00:46:32.580 uh comedian and now the author of the new book los angeles is hideous it is a true story

00:46:39.900 and uh and poems written from the heart uh andrew heaton as always good to have you here good to be

00:46:46.920 here thank you where are you going from here uh i'm i'm hanging out until until i go on stew show

00:46:56.900 later today yeah no yeah i mean we're still on the air oh i'm sorry oh my bad it's okay he's allowed

00:47:03.500 to mention my show on the air no he's saying that's not on this program okay uh yeah i'll be here the

00:47:08.080 rest of the day i'll probably head back to tulsa tonight or tomorrow what are you going to do from

00:47:11.680 here are you going to be doing comedy clubs are you just going back home to eat i mean i assume

00:47:16.600 national laureate will be there yeah i'll do that i'll probably travel around the summer we'll just

00:47:21.980 start doing live meetups might go to scotland again yeah in other words you have up until the

00:47:25.820 end of today planned yes that's correct for retirement purposes you'll be playing milk through

00:47:31.260 your nose uh and yuck yucks in salt lake city uh till the end of september los angeles is hideous

00:47:38.340 it's the new book get it now

00:47:39.380 it's the new book get it now

The Glenn Beck Program - July 15, 2021

Best of The Program ｜ Guests： Lara Logan & Andrew Heaton ｜ 7⧸15⧸21

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