The Glenn Beck Program - Ep 198 ｜ An Addict's Redemption Story the World NEEDS to Hear ｜ Jeff Allen ｜ The Glenn Beck Podcast

00:00:00.000 there is an important ratio in the world of comedy the more offensive a joke is the funnier

00:00:06.000 it becomes for all kinds of reasons cultural reasons psychological religious social political

00:00:12.640 you name it but you better not take that risk with your audience and flop so the more offensive

00:00:19.760 a joke is the funnier it has to be on the flip side of this is the clean comedy clean comedians

00:00:28.720 stand-ups like jim gaffigan jerry seinfeld uh even the most offensive comedians will tell you

00:00:35.800 a clean comedy routine is much harder than the offensive to funny ratio because while offensive

00:00:43.840 comedy allows the comic to see just how far they can take it clean comedy requires the comic to

00:00:50.360 let the joke loose by reining it in today's guest is a clean comedian he has been performing since

00:00:58.580 1978 he most likely coined the terms happy wife happy life and would you rather be right or would

00:01:07.660 you rather be happy over the course of his nearly five decade career he has become a master at clean

00:01:15.040 comedy but he's also a clean comedian clean as in clean and sober it wasn't always that way in fact

00:01:24.940 he had some real demons to wrestle with now in his book are we there yet my journey from a messed up to a

00:01:34.280 meaningful life he's telling the entire story including some of the darkest moments of his life

00:01:40.080 his rock bottom as he fought addiction to alcohol and cocaine he has an amazing life and an amazing

00:01:48.940 journey that i think you might be able to relate to in some way or another but also learn from please

00:01:56.560 welcome my friend jeff allen did you know that we actually see with our brains and not our eyes

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00:03:26.960 hello jeff hello mr back how are you it's good good to have you here yeah it's nice to be been a while

00:03:44.560 since you've been here yeah uh you finally dropped the charges yeah let me come back yeah i was hanging

00:03:49.560 around so much i think i became a nuisance you are uh uh you're doing fabulous fabulous stuff yeah at this

00:03:56.560 point in my life which is great because when it ends i can just retire i told tammy i said you know

00:04:02.780 if i hit this at 35 and it runs for five years i got a lot of years to try to figure out how to get it

00:04:07.820 back is success do you think sweeter at your age no it's uh i don't know if it would be sweeter it's just

00:04:19.880 nice again if it's a good run yeah and then when i'm 67 so if i can make it to 70

00:04:26.260 wow you know and you're uh and you man you look uh a thousand years younger than joe biden

00:04:33.380 yeah well i have a lot less stress you know i'm not trying to hide yeah in 16 offshore accounts holy

00:04:40.300 cow you know i have one bank account yeah you've written a new book um and it's called are we there

00:04:46.360 yet yes and uh i've read it and i want you to i want you to take us through the story um and are

00:04:55.000 we there yet actually comes from something i'm an alcoholic you're an alcoholic it's a recovery yeah

00:05:01.300 we're a couple of recovery recovered dirt bags um where does are we there yet come from it's the

00:05:09.220 journey i i i had this image of when i started recovery of being like a child i walk into those

00:05:15.440 rooms i had no idea what it meant where i was going and i was not in charge of anything i did

00:05:23.980 what i was told to do they told me to pray i didn't believe in god i said all right i'll pray

00:05:28.280 so it's interesting i did the serenity prayer and i did the third step prayer for years not even

00:05:34.580 knowing what they meant you know especially the third step prayer which is what my life is today

00:05:38.380 you know remove me from the bondage of self so that i may better do thy will take away my

00:05:42.940 difficulty so that victory over them others may bear witness to thy strength thy power and their

00:05:47.100 way of life so i did what i was told like a child so when i was putting a book together i started

00:05:51.940 thinking you know it's really is a journey and you are like in your parents car in the back seat yeah

00:05:57.120 and recovery is like they leave you at a rest area with the keys and say yeah have a nice life

00:06:01.800 yeah and you have no idea what direction to go where to go and you make mistakes along the way and

00:06:08.040 and i'm in the impatience i don't know of other people in recovery but i had i mean i went to

00:06:13.880 therapy and my first question was how long do i got to do this i don't want to come to you the rest

00:06:17.480 of my life i know and she said fortunately god gave me a wonderful therapist she said uh my goal is

00:06:22.980 to get you to fire me as soon as possible that's great you know when you can be your own therapist you

00:06:28.200 don't need me so i know that one of my problems was um i started drinking same age as you 13 uh and um

00:06:40.200 uh but i was successful uh early on and uh for whatever that means and my am i there yet was

00:06:50.960 different mine was i'm supposed to be happy now right no i i've accomplished this so it must be

00:06:58.260 it must be that over there that i need and you never ever hit that right does that make sense to

00:07:05.180 you yes 100 yeah yeah yeah i would i remember early knowing it wouldn't be money i was drinking and and

00:07:15.380 and um i remember telling everybody when i got into comedy i quit a job making 300 a week so i'm 22

00:07:21.740 years old and i said if i can make 300 a week telling jokes man so i hit that pretty quick

00:07:27.720 then it was 500 then it was 750 a thousand 15 i got up to like 2 000 maybe in the clubs a week

00:07:35.040 that was money pissing away yeah it was just spending it on coke and drugs and whatever you know

00:07:40.660 so i knew in my heart of hearts no matter how much money i made i remember saying if i hit the

00:07:46.520 lottery when the illinois lottery came in my response was i'm gonna buy a silo full of cocaine

00:07:51.000 and i mean i'm a young adult i mean i'm not 16 yeah 25 years old going i'm gonna buy a silo so you

00:07:58.940 know thank god i didn't win the lottery oh i know i know you know but that was so i knew that so my there

00:08:05.320 was okay maybe if i can just get the tonight show and i remember guys saying to me what are you gonna

00:08:11.880 do after you get the tonight show yeah i don't know well one tonight show ain't gonna you know but

00:08:16.480 right back then johnny gave you the come to the back you know but still i i didn't have a plan i talk

00:08:23.620 about that in the book yeah i was a planless you know and when i married tammy i asked her to marry

00:08:28.800 me at baggage claim yeah well let's get into that for a second first when you you just brought up

00:08:32.800 johnny carson um dry bar is kind of like johnny carson today isn't it oh my gosh changed my life

00:08:42.400 yeah and it was funny because i worked i was on tour um october of the previous year i i taped in

00:08:50.320 january of 2019 so october i get a call from my manager you're gonna do dry bar i go what's that i

00:08:56.960 had no clue what it was and i was out there with brad upton on tour and brad says it changed his life

00:09:02.700 figure what do you mean he goes i got 100 million views and i go what never even heard of it so i

00:09:07.760 tell tammy my wife i'm doing dry bar she goes oh my gosh it's in my feet every day i go what the heck

00:09:12.740 is it i know why did you tell me no wonder i'm no wonder i'm such a success i don't even know

00:09:17.780 who's this carson yeah exactly right yeah so anyway i tape in january and uh i hired a social media guy

00:09:28.040 immediately that i couldn't afford it was more than my mortgage and we're fine but we're broke

00:09:33.940 you know we're yeah we're living okay so i can't pay the guy but i tell my manager i'm gonna hire this

00:09:39.740 guy and get things in place in case my dry bar connects so i get there january and i said when

00:09:46.240 you're gonna release this he says six months they go i can't pay this guy for six months so anyway as

00:09:54.480 as you know god would have it um two weeks later they call and go this is really good we're gonna

00:09:59.600 release it like in two weeks so uh that's march they release it and every day tammy i walk out she's

00:10:07.040 going we're up to 20 million views we're up to 40 million views we're up to 70 million views i had

00:10:11.840 called my financial guy and said i'm gonna need money in the summer i'm gonna have to pull out of

00:10:15.540 my ira to get through the summer wow i my calendar was empty from june to august and by the end of

00:10:23.980 april we were turning work down and it was like holy cow i'll tell you what the funniest story my

00:10:29.880 manager i got a rule i don't work outside that goes back to you know i was doing a show and they

00:10:35.120 had a hot air balloon 50 feet from me always good for coffee right and right before i'm leaving the

00:10:42.120 staff okay i've adjusted to the hot air some guy comes by at a bullhorn the hot dogs are ready kids

00:10:48.740 the hot dogs are ready so and my manager was with me and i said that's it no more outdoor and so anyway

00:10:56.100 he calls me up and he says i got some good news and bad news and i said what's the bad news he says

00:11:02.820 you're working somebody's backyard in long island for their husband's uh 65th birthday oh lenny he

00:11:10.020 goes i sorry what's the good news he goes it's 10 grand i go what he goes she didn't even blink i go

00:11:17.080 what i'm there yeah well yeah i mean i'm coming in my hot air balloon example of the poor like nature of

00:11:24.960 my existence you know i learned early on in my life right i'm for a cause until it inconveniences me

00:11:30.940 this goes back to tammy's pregnancy yeah so let me so so let's go back um you're 10 years into your

00:11:38.760 stand-up your dad gives you first mention of your stand-up 10 years you're doing stand-up yeah you

00:11:47.020 he first says something to you but the one thing you relate to your dad on is cosby and comedy albums

00:11:55.700 tell me about your dad um hard man to get close to um i think there was some severe damage done um

00:12:06.220 maybe a church because of his reaction to anything church really told me when i was 14 to stay away

00:12:12.960 from christians his father was a pastor his brother was a pastor here's a story my uh uncle ken my dad's

00:12:21.120 brother um much younger than my dad was an accident um always wanted to share the gospel with my dad

00:12:29.500 right so anyway my father was just intimidating to everybody so my mother's passing away from

00:12:38.420 ovarian cancer and my uncle gets called to arizona and he thinks god's calling him to share the gospel

00:12:43.800 with my dad so my mother goes to bed she's tired she's doing chemo and stuff and she goes to bed

00:12:50.780 now it's my dad and his brother in this front room watching tv and it gets really quiet

00:12:56.600 and kenny goes you know jack and my father goes cram it kenny

00:13:01.320 so yeah the mere mention of right yeah anything so um he was a difficult guy he had very talented man

00:13:12.560 um could have went to juilliard i was told this again this is anecdotal i kind of related to

00:13:18.040 elizabeth warren when she said well it's what i was told right me too you know yeah you can only go

00:13:23.240 with the family so his sister told me my aunt said that your father was invited to juilliard

00:13:28.300 out of the army to play music and he wanted to paint my father was a i'd love to show you i got

00:13:34.320 a louis armstrong painting my father painted that was when he died i my sister said he didn't leave

00:13:39.340 us much money i said you can have all the money i just want the louis armstrong painting wow it was

00:13:43.960 a i just bought a huge piece of art in idaho i saw it i had to have it it was uh one of louis songs

00:13:52.880 somebody put into a big piece of metal we're gonna put on the wall i mean every time i hear

00:13:58.100 louis i think of my father but uh never painted at home my mom said he sent paintings off to europe

00:14:04.720 and they got destroyed they fell in somewhere and he burned everything he had beautiful portraits of

00:14:10.080 my mother she said in the end of his life he started painting again he would go around

00:14:15.120 um arizona and take pictures of weathered native americans and stuff he didn't want to buy a picture

00:14:22.360 of somebody and paint it he wanted to and that's why he was convicted on the first he was the first

00:14:28.240 road rage what this is this is again antidote my i understand that my father wanted to get a picture

00:14:35.020 of a hawk again he doesn't want to buy a picture of a hawk and paint it he wanted to shoot a picture

00:14:39.440 of a hawk couldn't get one so one day he's at a red light and there's a hawk on some roadkill they

00:14:47.240 always had his camera next to him yeah so anyway he gets out of the car and he's you gotta know my

00:14:52.420 dad he's got arthritis he can't move so he's crawling on the ground and he's getting the camera

00:14:57.620 and the light turns green and the woman behind him honks and the hawk hawk flies away well he lays into

00:15:03.460 her i mean you f and pop you know so anyway she takes his license plate down so my mother's telling 0.98

00:15:09.360 me the story because dad's in jail so anyway she says the state trooper came in and she said all he

00:15:17.620 had to say was you know i lost i got a little out of control the guy would let him go your father had

00:15:22.460 to reenact the whole thing i mean all the way down to he's flinging his arms he's cussing they lived in

00:15:27.380 a trailer park so people are coming out of their trailer parks to look at him i mean he could have

00:15:32.580 been a great actor anyway the guy cuffed him and hauled him away so your your dad you think there was

00:15:38.300 maybe some abuse church i also think bipolar okay my dad also abused and it uh was fused with church

00:15:48.220 didn't happen with a pastor or anything but it was fused with the church um had the same kind of

00:15:54.200 experience and my dad was abused by his father and my father told me this

00:16:01.100 maybe when i turned about 50 i think and nobody knew and i'm the only one he told and uh i think

00:16:14.460 in reading the book i'm i'm thinking gosh you're sharing some really you know not so great things

00:16:23.500 right and uh i thought but you know what i know i've told my children especially my son

00:16:34.040 about my father and his father and now i'm the father and he's the first generation that could be

00:16:44.000 free right of all of that because it's a generational thing well i told both my boys on their wedding day

00:16:50.740 i sat him down and i said i've i've saddled you with things that you are completely unaware of you

00:16:56.480 were too young to know but your wife will draw them out of you you're going to act in a way as a 0.64

00:17:01.560 husband or a man that you find unbecoming to who you think you are come talk to me and uh my oldest son

00:17:10.760 went to iraq he came home he had ptsd and some tbi and we were our granddaughter's fourth

00:17:18.420 um she's four years old and she's doing a little dance thing and we come out to the garage and my

00:17:25.560 son is in the process of ripping the door off his um minivan just had a fit ripping i mean just

00:17:32.600 and his wife what a saint she stood by watched the whole thing you know 0.98

00:17:39.880 and uh

00:17:43.820 he finished i just i felt because i used to have fits like that you know that was one of those things

00:17:53.580 but she let him do it rips it off and then he sits there he's exhausted embarrassed and shamed

00:18:00.540 she walks over and says aaron why don't you go down you know take a seat we'll get the door on

00:18:06.380 and we'll go home

00:18:07.000 i got in the car i told tammy thank god she married him

00:18:12.720 what a that's the way to handle it but you know so many would get in there and go what are you an

00:18:19.880 idiot you know and the next thing the second door is getting ripped off or the third door you're 0.97

00:18:23.880 you know um but that was one of those moments that i said to him i said that's i used to

00:18:31.500 you know throw fits you know and out of nowhere you know i mean i write about one in the book where

00:18:38.400 i was pounding on a heavy bag um i had installed a 50 pound heavy bag to hit when the rage come up

00:18:45.400 so i didn't smash dishes and so i was out there pounding and when tammy and i got into an argument

00:18:50.960 i just went out and years later she told me she goes you know i never said this to you but when

00:18:55.600 you hit that bag i thought you were hitting me wow yeah can you imagine i said god no baby i was

00:19:02.620 just hitting just hitting this bile you know so i'm pounding it falls off and i'm picking it up

00:19:09.800 and i'm throwing it against the cinder block fence just exhausted screaming at the heavens why

00:19:17.040 you know why i mean i i again just it's as if you know where'd it come from i don't know you know

00:19:24.220 my father um the men in our family were you know and that's when when we were you know we're backing

00:19:30.680 up out of the story out of the sequence but we we had filled out divorce papers and we're filing them

00:19:37.000 and uh 10 minutes from the courthouse tammy changed her mind said let's pull over and she says let's go 0.80

00:19:43.380 home i said you're out she said what do you mean i said tammy i love you but i'm damaged goods i don't

00:19:50.120 know if i'm ever gonna change you know and you know i go long stretches without but eventually i

00:19:55.720 would snap and smash things and you know she grew up in a home where if someone lost their tempers

00:20:01.100 she got hit the therapist told me that she goes every time you raise your voice it triggers all that

00:20:07.320 stuff in your wife and she just cowers you know so i you know but i told her i'm damaged you know

00:20:14.500 she said let's go home i said we go home divorce is off the table you know what you got now you know 1.00

00:20:20.740 when we got married we didn't know each other you know it was just two broken people that um

00:20:26.300 god put together you know and um try to figure all of that out i never had a relationship over a week

00:20:32.840 until i got married let me go back to your dad for a second then we're gonna jump to your marriage 1.00

00:20:39.900 um your brother won i think it was a little league championship i did you did that was mine you okay

00:20:48.000 and dad came in yeah it was funny my father because i was i was pretty good athlete i was actually

00:20:53.700 really good and my father told me years later he goes you know i didn't want i i was proud of you

00:20:58.140 but i didn't want to tell you that because i didn't want you to get a big head and i said it worked

00:21:02.120 yeah i have no steam at all thank you yeah when he told me i was a good comic i crawled into i was

00:21:11.260 30 some years old he says you're really a good comic and i crawled in and told tammy i said well

00:21:16.740 i got it she was what approval from the old man she was are you a hole now i go nah it's about 33

00:21:22.260 years so but your dad came in right and told you god doesn't exist right and he chose the highest i

00:21:30.700 know it's the highest point of my young life the proudest moment of my life i was i won mvp at an

00:21:36.980 all-star baseball tournament i was sitting there with the trophy and he said uh you're gonna if you

00:21:45.140 travel you know every we talked about playing professional sports you know so if you'd manage

00:21:49.740 to defeat all the odds and become a professional someone's going to come to you and tell you that

00:21:55.920 that talent you have is god given and you this is what you tell him kiss your ass there is no god 0.93

00:22:01.580 and then he went in to just telling me you know his views on metaphysics and and uh christians are

00:22:09.600 the worst i can just you know there's there's a thing i was talking to somebody whose parent is

00:22:17.000 getting old and they're like you know before i go i should tell you and you're like no don't tell me

00:22:22.660 that i don't want to know that you know there's some things tell me you love me yeah the things

00:22:27.820 that parents do that you're like there's no reason to tell me that yeah the worst thing a parent when

00:22:33.480 they tell you it's you know for your own good i did that for you you know yeah i didn't want you

00:22:37.860 to get a big head yeah you know more with jeff in just a minute there's nothing worse than having

00:22:44.800 odors in your home that just will not go away i have teenagers my son yes he just moved out to go to

00:22:51.080 college but his room still has a nice odor to it you can't yeah i mean i don't know what it is you

00:22:57.160 can't get rid of it um unless you use something called eden pure thunderstorm air purifier now this

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00:23:33.340 thousands of five star reviews online mine's one of them they this is fantastic this week they're

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00:23:44.480 200 on three thunderstorms for the whole home protection i have three units and i have it in

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00:24:00.640 edenpuredeals.com enter the discount code glenn that's edenpuredeals.com discount code glenn

00:24:08.040 um okay so now you meet tammy you're how old 29 you're 29 30 30 30 so you're 29 you're still

00:24:19.780 thinking of the silo of cocaine oh i'm i'm using you know yeah but i you know um but you're yeah i'm

00:24:27.080 headlining clubs um and i've been at it for seven eight years now okay and um going to a club

00:24:35.260 and i do this in the you know i fell in love with her laugh smoker you know 37 years you know you

00:24:42.880 know all that gagging gasping wheezing that annoys the general population when you hear that

00:24:48.480 as a comic yeah you love it yeah so i heard this symphony of joy coming from the back of the room

00:24:53.680 and i run back after you make her sound so beautiful and she is she is she's gorgeous

00:25:02.520 beautiful but you just make her 1.00

00:25:04.520 i run back off this because i'm you know i gotta meet her i mean obviously she digs me because she's 0.67

00:25:12.400 laughing so hard and anyway she she's gone i go did she die i mean did they haul her away they go

00:25:18.120 she was changing clothes she walks out just short leather skirt white blouse and perms you know 80s 1.00

00:25:25.160 just that was it you know it's funny years later my son goes so you know you and mom i said yeah i

00:25:31.100 met her at a club i followed her around two days before she even noticed me he goes so you stalked

00:25:35.540 her i go that would be today's terms that'd be what they call it today back then it's only if you 0.96

00:25:42.000 were creepy and i i hadn't hit the creep stage yet so um so single mom she had a two-year-old

00:25:48.400 okay and i'm working two jobs so that impressed me because i could barely do one right and did you

00:25:54.560 like kids no yeah no i told her and it's you know she it's it's interesting uh she read the final draft

00:26:03.720 i told her you got to read the and be okay with my version of what we went through and she read like

00:26:08.400 the first two chapters and put it down and said we were horrible people and she's she worries because

00:26:14.720 the few interviews she'd done they really look at her and go why'd you stay with them

00:26:19.620 you know i mean it's a legitimate question so security that's one of her answers

00:26:25.120 uh i wouldn't answer for her i don't want to answer for her but um i told her at one point keep

00:26:31.820 them away from me i don't like kids oh my gosh you know and like she said she goes the woman i am

00:26:37.580 today wouldn't even step foot in the room with you who you were and i go i don't know if i'd date

00:26:44.240 you the man i am today i certainly wouldn't date a smoker i mean that you don't have to put up with

00:26:48.860 that for she used to light up in bed she used to light up in bed at 2 a.m you know does this bother

00:26:55.140 you no i've like i've always slept in pool halls this this is great she's cowering in the corner 1.00

00:27:02.100 because you're breaking stuff and you're like and smoking my favorite which would she quit i used

00:27:09.620 to see junkies coming off of heroin in better shape so i walk in one day she's like two days 0.97

00:27:14.120 without a cigarette and she's frantically running around i mean and screaming at me and i said uh what 1.00

00:27:20.760 is your problem she she says i can't find the keys and she's waving them at me i can't find my

00:27:25.920 keys and i said they're in your hand and she looks and she had hard candy that she would suck on right 1.00

00:27:32.620 and i said if you're waiting for me the drug addict to tell you to go have a pack of cigarettes

00:27:38.500 because you're having a bad day she throws the whole heart

00:27:42.680 goes up to fly and jay comes back going i'm okay now

00:27:47.680 so i never thought she'd quit but those grandkids the granddaughter or the daughter-in-laws 1.00

00:27:54.240 said that they would not bring the kids by if she was smoking that will change things it did

00:27:58.760 immensely she started vaping and then now she's she's been off cigarettes for so you were at the

00:28:03.700 airport when you well that was yeah yeah when you asked her to marry i met her in november

00:28:08.820 january i was living in la she was in ohio i flew her and a two-year-old out to la uh played

00:28:15.160 dad for a week took the kid to the beach and disneyland or something in april i'm flying on a red eye

00:28:20.460 somewhere maybe over nebraska maybe my sixth or seventh cocktail i decided i would ask her to

00:28:25.900 marry me you know no ring no plan you know again no plan and i always tell audiences if there's a

00:28:33.720 young man within the sound of my voice i don't recommend this i mean if you want to do something

00:28:37.860 on impulse buy a pair of shoes so i'm at baggage claim and i just say i love you i love aaron you

00:28:45.140 want to get married and she says pardon me i said do you want to get married you and i so she

00:28:49.400 knew who i was talking about and she's the bags are coming down right on the right we're just

00:28:55.880 collecting luggage yeah so anyway very romantic yes and then she waits and she finally looks at me

00:29:01.200 and this is the direct quote yeah i guess if that's what you want it was like i said hey you

00:29:07.960 want to go to mcdonald's for breakfast yeah if that's what you want i was no different i mean

00:29:10.860 no different you're at but you're at the baggage claim right i mean that's kind of the response you

00:29:16.080 would expect well i you know i always say i i paid the price for that because every movie we

00:29:20.880 watch where a guy does it right she cries and sobs and i go i'll ask you again all right please

00:29:25.440 and she said no my story's back it's good that's what i got for the story thanks i did ask you to

00:29:33.220 marry me again in israel we went out to israel with huckabee and um i told mike i said uh distract

00:29:40.100 my wife i'm gonna buy her a ring at one of the merchants there and i bought a ring and

00:29:43.760 it was so funny because i was so nervous asking her marry me again we were married 33 years i'm up

00:29:50.000 there shaking yeah and she you hear her whisper on the tape get on one knee oh i forgot yeah so i

00:29:58.960 wanted to correct one of the wrongs you know that i could so anyway did she say yes yeah she did

00:30:03.680 actually there was she had it you know yeah yeah no a slight hesitation you know uh it's it's strange

00:30:10.480 because i did something similar when we were in england recently and i had the same kind of

00:30:16.720 nerves i had the butterflies and the nerves and i'm like she ain't going anywhere you know what i

00:30:22.880 mean but it's just it's yeah it's neat it's neat when you find it um so when you're performing

00:30:31.520 you're drinking you're drugging you're empty inside i think those were your exact words yeah the

00:30:39.040 classic story i write about in the book is i was sitting on a stool in a hockey rink because

00:30:43.920 everybody was doing comedy in the 80s so i'm sitting in this hockey rink and uh can't even get a word

00:30:53.040 out and i finally just go why are we here what's the point dead side i'm 500 people in this rink

00:30:59.200 can hear a pin drop and out of the back of the room some little squeaky woman goes we just want 1.00

00:31:05.280 to hear some jokes isn't that great and i go that that is legit and i ended up doing my show and

00:31:16.400 finish it so great but it was like that was where i was at agents would call you know my managers at

00:31:22.640 the time and just go what's the problem with him man but it was like i just didn't know what the

00:31:28.640 point to all of it was that's all i mean i used to tell people i don't know if you know what it's

00:31:33.600 like to wake up every day of your life with just absolutely no idea of what you want to do with your

00:31:38.560 life you know i was going through the motions i mean i had a i had a skill set i had one you know i

00:31:44.000 can do comedy but when that ran out you know the the veneer ran off of that pretty quick in the 90s

00:31:51.520 when all of a sudden you know you're babysitting drunks you know the the money was going down i

00:31:57.520 could barely pay the bills you know and uh yeah i i tried to it was very funny i tried to uh

00:32:07.040 do temp work and um they call me and say it says here you're a comedian and i said i am and they said

00:32:13.520 well would you like to seek people for this particular comedian at the theater oh my gosh yeah listen so

00:32:19.840 anyway i'm not going to give you the name of the guy but tammy heard it you're not seeking people

00:32:25.520 for that hack you're a comic fire your agent thank god i'm sick of this she's like shaking me she's just 0.99

00:32:34.160 this is what you do you're good at what you do just be that you know and uh anyway i fired my agent

00:32:41.520 he said she she was right he's got you convinced i hired my father for an agent i mean basically had

00:32:47.440 me convinced that i was lucky enough to be uh making you know it's amazing what the what people

00:32:54.080 you know sinatra said just get a kick out of stomping on a dream yeah and it's amazing the

00:33:00.480 damage those people can do to somebody well i had a club owner i was a year and a half into it and he

00:33:05.040 goes you'll never make a living at this you know and i said thank you he goes you're welcome i said no

00:33:10.720 anybody who's ever made anything of their life has had some a-hole in the course of their life tell them

00:33:15.360 they're not going to make anything of your life you're my a-hole i'm still telling the story yeah 0.55

00:33:20.640 i have that same guy um so when did you sober up during this period what was it well it was um

00:33:27.520 i got sober at 25 briefly i was still doing cocaine so technically you know you know this is

00:33:34.560 alcoholics anonymous all right this is cocaine completely different i'm sitting in meetings you know

00:33:40.720 going to the bathroom you know so it didn't last long let's just put it that way but i knew if i

00:33:46.080 went back i'd stay and um the story i write in the book um which is we had a discussion over whether or

00:33:54.880 not i should print this you know but it's already out on the internet i spanked my six-month-old son

00:33:59.760 um i know no no no tell the whole story okay okay and i i i want to preface this i know you and um

00:34:16.400 the reason why i i wanted to do this interview with you is because

00:34:22.320 there are so many dark things that all of us do one way or another well and there's a lot of people

00:34:28.960 who will listen to this and go oh i've been there or i am there right and the reason why i wanted to

00:34:36.400 do this interview because you are not this man anymore no you're not this man no well i'd come

00:34:42.640 home i was we were living in boston and i'd come home and um as i had been you know it's like one or

00:34:50.000 two in the morning and i'm sitting in my makeshift office drinking some rum and doing some cocaine

00:34:55.200 trying to figure out why i'm so miserable where all this guilt came from i never had guilt i mean

00:35:01.200 i you know got arrested you know part of being a drunk you get arrested you know all this stuff so

00:35:07.920 never had guilt about it you know it was annoying and it bothered me but it was never

00:35:12.880 this deep-seated guilt and i realized it's probably started when i got married we're not even a year

00:35:20.560 married now and i i come to the conclusion that it's the marriage so i need to get out of this

00:35:28.720 marriage and i don't do conflict well i just don't growing up conflict you know if i stood up for myself

00:35:34.720 i got pitched against the wall so when we start conflict as a man and wife my fight or flights

00:35:42.400 kicks in hers has to too well she is she hers is she was beat so she pushes to stop it and this is

00:35:51.920 what the therapist told me because i said why does she keep pushing me when i tell her just give me 0.98

00:35:56.080 five minutes she's she has to stop it she doesn't understand it's counterproductive to keep pushing

00:36:02.240 you know so anyway she's sleeping it's two in the morning the kids are asleep and i decide that if i beat

00:36:08.800 her up she'd leave you she'll leave me and i'm out i can just send money so anyway i work you know

00:36:16.800 drinking whatever and i you know part of me is like obviously this is crazy but then the other part's

00:36:21.440 going i gotta i gotta so anyway i walk in i finally isn't it amazing i hate to use the word courage i

00:36:26.400 worked up the courage to do this i mean it's not so anyway i walk in and i'm standing over and that

00:36:32.800 voice that we all have c.s lewis said it in mere christianity i mean you can deny but we have a

00:36:39.440 conscience all of us we know right or wrong so i'm wrestling with that and then my son starts crying

00:36:45.680 he's six months old and um i gotta go in and quiet him and then he's not quieting and i again start

00:36:51.680 spanking him shut up shut up shut up she wakes up she comes in she grabs him from me and she says who 1.00

00:36:58.800 does this and then she walks in and sits on the head of the bed and feeds him and while he was

00:37:05.600 getting fed i realized what i had done i mean the shame that washed over me i mean it's like

00:37:10.320 humiliating i'm like oh my gosh and then to think what i could have done right so i walked in and

00:37:15.600 told her if you don't take me to alcoholics anonymous i won't go and if i don't go i don't

00:37:18.960 think we're gonna make it not even thinking you know she already had one child from another guy and

00:37:23.520 we're not even a year into this one she's got another child and here's her husband going i don't

00:37:28.960 think we're gonna make it oh my god i told a friend months later i he had a small child and he was an

00:37:35.520 alcoholic and i said you're gonna come home one night and look at that kid you're gonna do one of

00:37:40.080 two things you're gonna run for the hills you're gonna get to help you need and he was in massachusetts

00:37:46.080 and i found out he was living in san francisco the ocean stopped him i'm glad i stuck you know but

00:37:52.400 she took me and then they said pray i said the what and then started the whole and when you first

00:37:57.120 started you were you i mean you're working in a comedy business you're at bars right well i said if

00:38:05.280 you if you like to sleep get a job at a mattress factory that's right so so you're at bars but you're

00:38:11.680 now trying to stop drinking somebody thinks they're doing you a favor at one point uh pours vodka in your

00:38:19.600 orange juice right right yeah and then i spit it across the bar and then i go to a meeting and go

00:38:24.800 and then i lose my sobriety because all of a sudden i don't know when i quit you know i count the years

00:38:31.840 now i don't count the days but it's like you go i don't but anyway and some guy goes what are you doing

00:38:36.720 in a bar and i said i make my living i'm a comedian he goes you have to quit your job and i said i didn't

00:38:42.560 come here for career advice i came here to try to learn to live in a world that has alcohol in it if you can't

00:38:48.320 help me i can save myself six seven hours a week by not coming in here you know and um my sponsor

00:38:56.880 gave me the greatest he said the greatest thing to me because of my ego and my pride

00:39:02.560 i i was complaining that i couldn't drink like all the other drunks

00:39:06.800 and he said whoa whoa whoa back up who says you can't drink you're a big boy nobody's gonna stop you

00:39:12.640 but think it through man you know it's gonna cost you i'm not talking about the five or six dollars

00:39:19.360 for the drink you lose your wife your kids all this stuff so um why don't you just say you choose not

00:39:26.080 to drink today so then it became like i choose not to right right it's my pride right you know i could yeah

00:39:34.160 i could if i wanted to i don't i don't want to i see those you know so anyway it was really good for

00:39:40.480 me to hear that i could and that was the way i phrased it people go um you want to drink i go

00:39:45.520 nah not today you know i might tomorrow but not today back with jeff allen in just a second first uh

00:39:52.880 let me tell you since the early days of blaze tv we have been fortunate enough to work with the team

00:39:57.280 at relief factor um they brought this anti-inflammatory to the marketplace they had tested it in their

00:40:04.640 hometown of seattle and it showed remarkable ability to reduce pain for many different types

00:40:10.000 of chronic ailments at the time they were introduced i was in terrible pain um i didn't use it because

00:40:17.680 i thought it was like ibuprofen and ibuprofen never works for me ever my wife finally about two

00:40:24.720 years in said why don't you try this and i said because it's not going to work ibuprofen

00:40:28.560 this isn't ibuprofen this the ibuprofen attacks your inflammation one direction this comes from

00:40:34.640 four different directions and it works for me and 70 of the people who try it go on to order

00:40:39.920 more month after month so just try this doesn't work for everybody maybe you're part of that 70

00:40:45.920 1995 the quick start program from relief factor go to relieffactor.com or order 800 the number

00:40:52.800 for relief 800 the number for relief relieffactor.com but you were still having problems at home oh god

00:41:02.480 yeah whatever i drank to cover up came off in the form of rage and my father the worst and most violent

00:41:08.640 he ever was is when he quit drinking for two years my dad had rules self the rules if you if you go into

00:41:18.080 work and fed your family you can do whatever you want as a man so anyway he missed work one day

00:41:24.960 because he couldn't get out of bed because he was hung over and he quit drinking for two years

00:41:28.880 and uh man he smashed broke you know one of my favorite i laugh it's funny i had a therapist tell

00:41:34.080 me every time you tell me something about your dad you laugh about but well that's the way i grew up

00:41:37.840 i mean yeah you know so anyway you have to spare tire he couldn't get the lug nuts off so he just broke

00:41:43.600 off and he tosses the tire up the street cussing all the way up people coming out of their homes oh

00:41:50.800 it's just jack all the way up the street down the street you know and um you know as a kid it's you

00:41:58.160 know it's your dad it's kind of embarrassing i was never home you know i just got to a point where i

00:42:03.920 never if his car was in the driveway i turn around and go back to a friend's house so at this time you

00:42:08.800 have another fight and this one really turns you around with tammy you have another fight

00:42:12.720 where you fly across the room and well that was upstairs yeah the um um we were in the middle of

00:42:19.200 an argument and this is now i'm in therapy and i i don't know if you did therapy i did oh yeah yeah

00:42:27.760 once you cover once you uncover then you're just left with this thing and you're so afraid to look in it

00:42:34.880 right but also it's like oh wow that's true when you get a therapist well that's it yeah so anyway

00:42:42.080 i uh we're in the middle of an argument blah blah blah and she throws a toy at me and hits me in the 1.00

00:42:47.840 head and i fly across i get her by it's the only time i've ever laid my hands on her and i went like

00:42:53.120 that and i just pulled back and she started pummeling me just pummeling me and i let her i just oh my god 1.00

00:42:59.680 so now we sit down and it gets quiet my youngest boy walks over and he says uh look daddy he pulls

00:43:08.160 a book out look daddy he's trying to get me to laugh and i read and i read bradshaw's book on

00:43:15.600 family dynamics the youngest is the comedian the good nature so anyway i said that's our comedian

00:43:21.680 tammy goes what are you talking about and then a lamp goes down in the living room

00:43:24.720 smash and i said aaron did that on purpose she goes why would he do that so we'd stop fighting

00:43:32.720 i said today it's a lamp tomorrow it's drug addiction it's liquor stores whatever they're

00:43:36.640 going to get your attention if we don't take care of us these kids are going to be destroyed

00:43:44.000 she says you're crazy i said i'm telling you tammy everything we're doing we were programmed to do

00:43:50.160 we just got to break the program that's hard oh my god well that was it i mean i don't know if i can

00:43:56.400 do it because we're sitting but i had a therapist tell me you can't hit anything anymore you can't

00:44:00.080 punch walls you can't so like i go what do i do with my hands when i feel like doing this she goes put

00:44:04.560 them in your pocket so tammy and i are in the middle of an argument i don't want to think that we argued

00:44:08.560 every you know but yeah yeah yeah but anyway these are highlights yeah well low lights yeah so anyway

00:44:15.760 i'm in the living room with my hands in my pockets and i'm shaking

00:44:20.720 tammy finally goes what is with you i go i just want to punch something you know she goes my god 0.99

00:44:27.120 what is wrong but she can't get it i mean they don't understand i mean anybody who's unless you've

00:44:33.920 suffered from that kind of anger or something clicks you're not there anymore you're not there

00:44:39.840 and it has to run its course yeah you know i mean i have to you know and for me it's shame when shame

00:44:44.800 kicks then humiliate and then it then i'm gone i am gone so i gotta catch it before i i do something

00:44:52.080 that makes me ashamed of myself whether i raise my voice and yell or say something as long as i don't

00:44:59.040 do that i'm fine but when it kicks in and that computer goes it's like wow i mean again i'm not i can't but

00:45:07.600 you can't excuse it you know i you know i'd walk back in and go she's going i know you're sorry i

00:45:12.720 am i don't have anything else for you i don't know why i do this you know i mean that's why i'm in the

00:45:19.840 backyard throwing a 50 pound bag around yelling at the heavens why why why so what did you learn in

00:45:25.680 therapy i learned that um we are as children anger is the cover emotion for sadness we're usually deeply

00:45:36.560 saddened as children and it comes to a point where whatever age you are you know you're sad sad sad sad

00:45:43.200 sad and then one day you go i'm not going to feel this anymore so every time sadness kicks you cover

00:45:50.080 it with the anger that's what i learned and the computer starts at a very young age um with with

00:45:57.760 with that and it's a kill children can't verbalize their feelings so they act them out you know i i

00:46:05.360 always tell this story because to me we had a aaron bit my youngest my oldest bit he didn't know how

00:46:11.280 to we always go use your words he'd start to take a hunk out of his brother use your words

00:46:17.600 so anyway you go to family or uh to school functions and the whispers would start and i said

00:46:22.880 that's the kind of took a hunk out of my daughter you know it's like they're parents they think you

00:46:26.960 discipline that way you know they look at you as going right well you're biting your kids you know

00:46:31.520 get over here you know we're not you want to stand up in the stick no we're not we don't we don't

00:46:38.080 condone this but he just didn't know how to to process here's here's a story i don't know if i put

00:46:44.400 this in the book or not about the iraq uh the first iraq war aaron gets in a fight at school

00:46:51.280 and um i get a call from tammy aaron got in a fight and that isn't my son so i get him on the

00:46:57.520 phone i said aaron what's going on he goes nothing dad and it took me five minutes to get it out of

00:47:03.520 him you fly in the sky there's bombs in the sky you're gonna get blown up and killed and not come

00:47:08.800 home holy cow and i said we have a mr duke down the street trains pilots over at litchfield for the

00:47:16.960 air force i said you go talk to him and i'll call you tomorrow so i call him the next day i go did

00:47:21.680 you talk to mr duke he goes yeah he says we're kicking ass isn't that great but that's the difference

00:47:28.960 between at least understanding that yeah i mean if my father would have just said bam don't do that

00:47:36.960 you know i don't think you know we've um i i think we've over corrected but in our generation

00:47:44.160 it was shut up sit down just do it right stop your whining just do it i heard a quote from a 0.52

00:47:52.240 japanese businessman they said what would your father say if you told him he loved you you loved

00:47:56.320 him he said i'd been in america too long you know so so what does the phrase um you win mean to you

00:48:09.840 daddy you win i got into an argument it sounds like that's all we did for but the good part's

00:48:16.480 coming now right we get into the argument in jersey and um i end up i what i didn't put i don't think

00:48:23.520 i put in the did i put about the cheese it was over a chunk of cheese yeah okay so

00:48:30.320 again when it clicks you're off and there's no logic so i go to open up a piece of cheese

00:48:37.040 cheese and i see it's been sitting i got a phobia of dairy i mean i i've been going to comedy condos

00:48:42.880 for years i've been sick two or three times on mayo and you know how long mayo has to sit before it

00:48:48.240 goes back a long time a long time yeah so anyway i see something if i don't know how long it's been

00:48:53.040 there i don't eat it so i open up the new package and i throw out the the hunk and tammy says comes in

00:48:58.480 and sees me she goes there's another pack i said yeah i saw that i don't want it and then it starts

00:49:03.680 what do you mean you don't want it i i don't want it you know and so i end up three minutes

00:49:09.680 later on a stool yelling at her at the top of my lungs i don't want it are you effing deaf i 0.90

00:49:14.720 don't want it i don't want it i don't want it i don't want it over and over and over again she 0.89

00:49:19.200 finally falls on her knees and sobs and now i feel like you know the jerk that i am and i go put my son 0.73

00:49:25.760 to bed um and he's six or seven i don't know and he says daddy you win i go what do you mean i win he

00:49:30.720 goes you yell mommy cries you win oh my gosh and i went downstairs and told tammy i'm gonna get help

00:49:36.880 that's when i got into therapy i said i didn't want to be this way that's the thing it's hard

00:49:45.120 you know it's it's so simplistic to say change

00:49:52.640 okay i you know i had an ideal of what i wanted to be but then there's this

00:49:58.560 computer inside me yeah you know the tapes that run over and over and that's it the reaction to

00:50:04.640 things and and i'm telling you if it's true what they say that alcoholics remain emotionally where

00:50:13.520 they were when they started drinking then it all makes sense to me because i behaved like a 13 year

00:50:18.400 old yeah that's exactly how i behaved i mean when you think about it standing on the chair stomping my

00:50:24.480 feet i don't want i didn't get my way yeah you know and um again not even really caring about the

00:50:33.120 the responsibility of you're this kid chicago dad uh could have been somebody great uh wasn't

00:50:42.800 atheist angry inside you want to change you you don't and then this moment happens

00:50:50.640 when did you really change that night i pitched the 50 pound bag i stood in the yard exhausted and

00:51:03.120 i look up and my wife and kids are standing at the back door and i'm telling you i'm sweating i'm

00:51:09.360 exhausted and i walk in and my five-year-old ryan comes over and he goes daddy you scare me and i

00:51:16.560 picked him up and i held him and i said i scared myself son and uh something washed over me i believe

00:51:24.480 in my heart as a christian that was when the night the holy spirit said i'm i'm coming i believe this

00:51:32.720 i wasn't aware of it i had no idea but i looked at tammy and for the first time i said to her this

00:51:38.160 will never happen again and you knew it to be true i did i said she goes bullshit and i said if i ever 0.84

00:51:44.720 said that to you she goes what difference does that make i said my father said it to my mother

00:51:49.120 over and over and over again my brother said it to his wife over always happened i always knew it

00:51:53.200 would happen so i didn't want to i don't want to make promises i can't keep knowingly can't keep

00:51:58.160 sometimes you make promises and then you some things happen but i don't know how i know this i don't

00:52:04.560 know how i know this but i'm okay she says get out of here you know you live in hotels anyway just

00:52:11.680 get out and i go babe i'm telling you i'm okay you know and um uh i believe that that set me up

00:52:24.880 for when i found out about the guy she was seeing in california for that one night and what happened

00:52:32.720 there um i get the you kind of know something's going on phone calls are taken in the kitchen

00:52:41.040 moved to the bedroom and you know so you get this feeling you know that she's seeing something

00:52:48.480 so anyway she goes to california to visit a friend and i just really got a gut feeling so i call american

00:52:55.840 express i first of all i call her friend and she says well she's out shopping so you're like

00:52:59.600 who goes visit a friend and then go shopping so i call american express and it goes my card being

00:53:06.560 used and they said uh yeah it's at a hotel in southern california or something anyway so i said

00:53:11.200 can i have the number of the hotel said yeah so anyway she calls she picks up i said gotcha

00:53:16.560 get home anyway long silence she said okay and then uh two hours later her friend called me

00:53:24.800 and said tammy's too devastated to come home right now she'll be home in the morning and i believe

00:53:31.440 this glenn had she come home that night we wouldn't be married today you know james in the book of james

00:53:36.800 he talks about the human tongue and he compares it to a rudder on a ship it's a small part of a very large

00:53:42.720 vessel but you can't steer that ship without that piece and the tongue is the same thing it's a small

00:53:48.800 part of our body but you steer this whole thing with the tongue and god gave me the most dangerous

00:53:55.200 thing gave me the ability to bless and curse yeah and i would have cut her i i know i would have i was 0.98

00:54:01.200 righteously angry for the first time you know it's like yeah tell an angry guy that now you can you can

00:54:07.040 be angry everybody understands that's why you know i i don't know if i wrote about much this in the book

00:54:11.600 but it's politics for me in the 90s when you're angry politics is wonderful because people ask why you're

00:54:17.200 so angry they look at your beautiful wife they look at your healthy children they look at the job

00:54:20.640 you do and they go why are you so ticked off them yeah oh okay yeah the republicans the democrats the

00:54:28.960 whatever's you know so i had a night alone and every time i'd get righteously angry that little voice

00:54:38.240 inside of me that i believe now is the holy spirit says to me remember the time in new jersey when you

00:54:43.120 stood on a stool and there were dozens of those remember the time you threw the you know remember

00:54:49.120 this remember that you know and i mean but i go yeah but i mean i'm telling you it's like there's

00:54:53.600 another voice in me going you know but yeah but she's doing you know exhausted i went from how could

00:55:01.120 she to how could she not by the end of the night i just i picked her up at the airport the next day

00:55:05.440 and she walks out she's tear-streaked and just exhausted i'm exhausted

00:55:09.120 put my arms around her gave her a kiss on the cheek and she says that's it i go that's all i got left

00:55:15.760 we're a mess you and me what you want is in california i'm not going to stand in your way

00:55:21.600 if you want this to work then you take 50 percent of the blame for this mess

00:55:26.320 i'll take the other 50 if it gets 51 49 the resentments will kill us we'll start blaming each 0.53

00:55:30.960 other you take your mess i'll take mine and we'll see what we can work out and then going home she says 0.82

00:55:37.840 how did we get here and that's you know hope you hope the answer in the book uh we got there you

00:55:43.680 know we walked into it it was really explained to me pretty cool that when two broken people get married

00:55:52.400 you know my neuroses are maybe round holes her neuroses are round pegs we fit we have a little

00:55:58.560 dance that we do and then somebody gets into recovery and all of a sudden isn't reacting certain

00:56:04.000 ways and stuff then his his holes get a little oval so the pegs just don't and there's this constant

00:56:10.160 friction until you both get on the same page of healing you know and we made it you know um you know

00:56:19.280 uh about a year and a half later i met a guy who put the bible in my hands you know and um

00:56:27.760 ecclesiastes i know and not like a happy part no yeah no but that was my conclusions i i wrote about

00:56:35.840 the i did the gerbil and the in the thing i was kind of sitting there it's funny when you but it's it

00:56:41.520 was so profound to me sitting there watching a gerbil go back and forth you know and tammy goes what's

00:56:46.160 what's with you with the gerbil because i'm looking at it like tv i was just for like 20 minutes i'm

00:56:51.440 just sitting there watching this thing and i said look it gets sticks over here and then he moves

00:56:55.200 them over here and you know and she goes so what and i go yeah but wait he moves them back over there

00:56:58.720 and stacks them up and spins the wheel every now and then when he wants to entertain himself she

00:57:02.400 goes so what i go it's our life she goes what do you mean i go i'm projecting 10 15 20 years from

00:57:07.200 now i mean we get sticks they wear out we take them to the landfill if i'm lucky i get a sitcom

00:57:12.000 deal a movie deal we get nice sticks but they all wind up going to the landfill we're just chasing

00:57:17.040 sticks yeah stacking them up somewhere then we go to vegas we take the kids to disney world

00:57:21.600 and that's our wheel she goes my god jeff what is going on i said tammy if that's my life for the

00:57:28.800 next 15 20 years i'm checking out she goes you checked out years ago you're not even here now

00:57:33.840 half the time when i'm talking to your head is off somewhere you know and she's she was right i mean

00:57:38.800 there were times we would be making love and i'd look at her she'd be like this

00:57:44.480 and i'd go what she goes i just require you to be here you know where are you at you're not even here

00:57:51.600 you know and you're like wow because my brain well you know you got an active brain yeah it's like

00:57:58.720 it never stops but it's hard it's very hard it's hard it's very hard but when you realize how

00:58:03.600 important it is to for someone to hear you that was a big breakthrough for me was i need to hear her

00:58:12.000 and i have to concentrate i think most guys do some of us are hard i mean it is the hardest thing

00:58:20.560 for me to sit and listen and say nothing i just had my my youngest daughter she came to me and she said

00:58:30.720 mom doesn't understand me i never understand her you know and uh and she comes on the couch and i said

00:58:40.800 just sit down what's happening and she just went and i had to bite my tongue the whole time just

00:58:49.440 mm-hmm and then repeat back to her what she said i said nothing nothing i didn't give her any advice or

00:58:57.920 something she's like dad i always just feel so much better when i talk to you and i'm like that's

00:59:03.680 right right that's right and remember that it's just listening and guys aren't good at that we're

00:59:11.440 just not good at that is it a man thing maybe i think it is yeah yeah i don't know but i um

00:59:19.280 i i've i've had a word here's a funny story you'll appreciate this because you're in recovery

00:59:23.040 so we got in uh we were at a restaurant this is a couple years ago a few years ago in a restaurant

00:59:30.960 and she's on her phone the whole time while i'm eating so i'm done and she's the bike phone anyway

00:59:37.360 i'm watching the whole thing not talking to me when the last bite goes in her mouth i go are we done

00:59:43.760 she throws the fork down she goes yeah she gets up and she walks so i got to pay the bill i'm out

00:59:48.160 all the way home quiet i call my sponsor and i said what are you eating he goes here's what you're

00:59:55.440 going to have to do you eat fast don't you i go yeah i eat fast i i eat i'm there to eat i want to

01:00:01.360 eat the same way so anyway he says from tonight what are you having for dinner i said we're gonna have

01:00:05.920 steak for dinner tonight he goes when she bites you bite you don't bite until she bites and you don't

01:00:11.360 tell her what you're doing you're kidding me glenn this is the most arduous painstaking steak i've ever

01:00:19.280 eaten and i finally told her afterwards i said my sponsor told me to eat i said how do you survive

01:00:30.880 i've got all my children around the table and they're all i mean because i get antsy after i fit it

01:00:35.840 i'm like i'm just climbing the walls you know i loved can we go someplace and do something and talk

01:00:42.880 hey let's go into the living room finish your food i know i'm like i know i know i know i know

01:00:56.000 sometimes it seems like there's a running battle between cyber criminals and the government to see

01:01:00.640 who can steal the most money from the largest number of people and sure the government wins

01:01:05.520 most of the time but the competition is fierce take home title theft for instance it is one of

01:01:11.600 the fastest growing crimes in america right now and they're very good reason for it and it turns out

01:01:17.680 that it's uh because it's simple most victims of home title theft don't even know they're a victim

01:01:23.840 until it's way way too late there was a homeowner that had her home stolen from her she didn't know

01:01:31.280 she pulls into her street and she sees a bulldozer demolishing her home there i was being torn down

01:01:37.920 right before her eyes she was the victim of a devastating crime called home title theft criminal

01:01:44.800 had already forged her way or his way onto her deed to her home sold the home now the new owner was

01:01:52.320 tearing it down to rebuild your home your property your equity your most valuable assets

01:01:58.720 and home title lock protects them home title lock puts a shield around your home's title the instant

01:02:05.280 they detect activity or tampering they help shut it down so i want you to go to home title lock dot com

01:02:10.160 right now use the promo code beck home title lock dot com so um are you there yet no you know what it is i i asked

01:02:22.320 five questions that i had to answer i i think you know um what defines you you know and usually when

01:02:28.160 you ask a man what defines you the first thing they say is i'm a whatever the job is defines me as my

01:02:34.240 relationship with christ i'm a child of god that first and foremost if i get that right then i'm a

01:02:40.160 husband to tammy i'm a father to aaron and ryan i'm a grandfather to them and then i'm a comedian

01:02:44.960 and if i keep those things in the right order order because they'll switch all of a sudden i'm working

01:02:51.040 six days a week and i'm a comedian i'm not much of a husband to her you know and i did tell my

01:02:56.960 managers when this dry bar thing hit i said she will determine how much i work you know and last 0.90

01:03:02.640 year i was doing a movie and i was on location for two weeks and uh we got into a little tizzy on the

01:03:09.360 phone and i said what is going on with you and she says don't get mad at don't don't hate me for

01:03:14.560 missing you and i go oh my god it's a country lyric you know it's the first thing i thought of

01:03:20.480 it's a hit don't hate me for me but i called lenny my manager and i said uh stop booking that was

01:03:27.840 september he goes i'm way ahead of you man i stopped in august you know it's it's interesting my staff has

01:03:33.360 always been this way with my wife and i and it used to be really really bad um i couldn't go away for

01:03:40.080 more than a day and and it just i couldn't be without her she didn't want to be without me

01:03:47.360 and it's still the same way we toss and turn in bed at night if we're not

01:03:51.600 laying next to each other and uh well tammy's used to it and it's interesting i tell people

01:03:57.680 a lot of marriages couldn't live the life we live because i'm gone so much yeah you know i remember in

01:04:03.200 your case that might be a plus well well i think it's gonna be saved this early that's for sure

01:04:08.800 but um there was a i had an issue with porn years ago and um i told tammy you need to put a

01:04:22.160 device on my phone you need to track my phone she goes i will not be married to a man i can't trust fix

01:04:27.200 it so i got the help i needed you know but it was like you know just one more thing you know

01:04:34.160 like i just again are we there i mean am i done am i done my favorite story i was doing a show for

01:04:40.800 a ministry that was for um secular journalists these were some hardcore but it was a ministry

01:04:48.080 and they got them together in nashville and the lady who was in charge of it calls me says we just

01:04:54.000 want some comedy we got a guy that's going to do a testimony so anyway i do my comedy and i'm in a

01:04:59.760 bad place really kind of where the title came from and um i'm on stage and i'm doing the comedy we're

01:05:05.280 going to laugh and i stop i'm ready to leave and i go you know what i got to talk to you guys i said

01:05:09.040 you know what i'm exhausted i just want to know when i'm done with this whole recovery thing and all

01:05:15.280 this stuff and god and all that and i start crying and these people are like you talk about

01:05:21.120 uncomfortable oh yeah cry in front of christians they you know they go oh yeah not in a bar not

01:05:26.560 a comedy club not in a real world yeah right so it's like anyway i get done and tammy looks at me

01:05:30.480 she goes holy cow what was that like i don't know tammy i'm just exhausted and i'm sitting there and

01:05:35.600 i'm embarrassed i mean really embarrassed and uh right when i'm ready to leave remember jennifer

01:05:41.280 o'neill the actress yeah summer of 42 yeah anyway she was in the room she walks over she's

01:05:48.240 puts her arms around she goes i know exactly how you feel and i looked at tammy and i go that's

01:05:52.960 all i needed just one person to go i get it i'm just tired i'm tired of recovery i'm tired of not

01:05:59.760 being whatever situation i whatever person i think i should be you know but i believe now that the holy

01:06:10.240 spirit and my nature are just constantly and it's just this paul talks about it in the uh um in in

01:06:18.400 romans i i do the things i my limbs do things i don't want them to do you know and you're just

01:06:24.960 just this side of heaven you know um that's the but there's just there's there's a peace in the

01:06:31.680 acceptance of the journey i mean and and again oh yeah i came to that years ago i just realized you

01:06:38.720 know what i'll never be done you know and okay i'm fine with it yeah you know just oh boy you know just

01:06:43.360 another you know it does get um i think when you get when you get older i think that

01:06:56.800 i i've been i don't know why i've been thinking about

01:07:01.280 my life a lot you know the end of my life and you know wanting to make sure everything is in order for

01:07:07.600 the kids and everything and and uh there's more and more times i get up and i'm like like you just

01:07:15.760 said i'm tired of the battle and i used to tell my kids and they hated this and up until two of them

01:07:24.080 were in their 30s they still hated it and then the third they got into the 30s and they're like

01:07:28.800 you know dad you're right i said life is flashes of wonderment just flashes of

01:07:37.600 this is amazing you have to live and feast on that because most of life is endurance just

01:07:46.480 endure just keep working just keep moving forward and it's hard it's we were wired for two things

01:07:55.040 worship and service and um i had a sponsor give me trash bags once and i said what are these

01:08:02.160 and he said when you feel like drinking or you don't want to go home because you're going to get

01:08:05.280 in an argument with tammy you know serve pick up trash and i go why would i do that he goes trust

01:08:10.960 me and here's the hard part don't let anybody see you picking up the trash because your pride will kick

01:08:15.600 in and you'll miss the point so i don't know a week or two anyway i always had these trash bags next

01:08:21.360 to me in the car you know so i'm coming back and i know i'm going to get in an argument i just didn't

01:08:25.360 want to go home i stop at a 7-eleven and i start picking up trash and it worked and then you realize

01:08:32.080 it's just one more thing you're going you know what get off your rear end and serve i don't care 1.00

01:08:37.120 if you're unemployed you don't have anything but find somebody that you could help and serve

01:08:42.480 you know ayn rand i read a lot of ayn rand and it was interesting because she said altruism was

01:08:47.440 selfish it was an act of selfishness and it it is because you feel good but i i see i believe the

01:08:53.600 other way god wired us yeah so that we would feel good when we serve correct yeah you know right

01:08:58.960 it's like why he wired sex to feel good right so we have babies right so we can keep the species

01:09:04.640 going right and it's uh he wired us to feel good when we serve and it's it's so amazing because the

01:09:11.520 things that make us feel good um that are also good for us yeah i don't ever want to do i like a service

01:09:23.520 i'll be in a bad mood or i'm saying and service and i'm like i don't want to do that and then you

01:09:29.600 do it right and you're coming home and you're like why don't we do this all the time this is the way we

01:09:34.160 should be right you know from from aaa when you walk in and they go pick up the chairs i want to

01:09:38.800 pick up the chairs yeah i want a wine yeah i'll pick them up yeah and then you get out of your head

01:09:45.200 head and again you look at something you've you've done you've done something you know and um

01:09:52.240 i just uh okay going back to the five questions because um i i uh what defines you uh what do you

01:09:59.440 value um you know uh initially i thought it was things and sticks when we lost the house when we sold

01:10:09.120 the home finally we got out from under it the escrow lady told us the irs has taken all the

01:10:14.880 profit from your house and i looked and said it doesn't matter the only thing of value is right

01:10:20.480 here right here and tammy said for the first time in our marriage we were eight years in

01:10:24.480 she said i believed you for the first time i felt that we were a priority

01:10:29.040 and who would have guessed the irs did you favor did me a favor by taking all of that but it was uh

01:10:36.160 so what do you value what uh what are your expectations huge i used to tell tammy if you

01:10:41.680 if you'd lower your expectations of me you'd be a lot happier you know like picking up underwear you

01:10:49.280 know all right it's so funny about the underwear because this is she goes how do you not see i said

01:10:56.800 oh my wife says this to me all the time about everything how do you not see this but i but i said

01:11:00.800 to her what you're saying to me is by ignoring it you're saying i see it i say to myself i could pick

01:11:08.960 it up but screw it i'm gonna have her pick it up right that's not true i don't even see it right 0.68

01:11:15.760 you know there's no conscious right the thing about it but anyway so that if you lower the expectations

01:11:22.080 i'm gonna i'm gonna be i'm gonna be your champ right but what uh yeah what are your expectations uh

01:11:27.840 where does your hope lie um that's huge because i i see that in the airports uh one of the reasons

01:11:33.520 i wrote the book was for 30 to 40 year olds because i was that age when i went through all this

01:11:38.800 the meaninglessness of life the um you know um hopelessness i could feel it's like toxic for me i

01:11:45.760 see it i want to walk over and just hug these guys and go man there's another way you know there's

01:11:51.200 another way but it's so easy to isolate now that's that's the disease it's so easy hopelessness hopelessness

01:11:59.760 and loneliness yeah uh and then on a society that's telling you you're no good you'll never make it it's

01:12:08.880 just toxic yeah just toxic it is and it's it's sad it really is and young men you know you look at what

01:12:15.520 what what they're doing to anybody who tries to get young men esteemed you know jordan peterson what

01:12:22.720 he's had to go through um um uh you know i don't know about andrew tate i don't know i'm not that deep

01:12:29.200 into that i just know that his message was to you know strengthen up be a man and and you look at what

01:12:36.960 they did the promise keepers anytime large groups of men get together and they they esteem them you know

01:12:43.200 uh this is your role in life you need to step up and be a good husband to be a good father be you

01:12:49.120 know and anything with family is under attack um and that's another reason why i hope the book i hope

01:12:56.880 i hope if you know people read it and they're in a situation where they're just ready to give up

01:13:04.080 you know hang in there you know at least give it a shot you know there's there's ways out if there's

01:13:09.440 an effort if you take divorce off the table you know um and my wife said to me because i had just

01:13:17.280 gone through divorce and i had nothing but i was like prenup and oh she was so mad at me she she's 1.00

01:13:27.840 like we are not getting married we are not getting married and i'm like what i think that's pretty

01:13:33.120 reasonable she said that we plan our demise no no and uh she was right you just have to take it off

01:13:43.600 the table it's not an option not yeah well that's it's interesting tammy said made a joke the other

01:13:48.720 night she goes you know i married you for your money right and security you know all of that you

01:13:56.720 know i want to spend the rest of my life making her life comfortable i'm i want to pay penance

01:14:04.560 for the man i was i really do i mean i have um there's times i look at i i do this in my show so

01:14:13.120 i i know but it's she'll walk in her i call him flint god takes flint to your heart you know you're

01:14:18.720 sitting there you know and she's walking back and forth and then all of a sudden look at her look at

01:14:25.520 her just right remember right and then you go wow wow gorgeous yeah and then you go oh that's a lot of work

01:14:40.480 but that's uh i love you yeah glenn thank you so much you're you are uh i love you because you are a

01:14:47.760 a i like wise people and you only get wise after you've been through hell and back yeah

01:14:57.520 wise man smart people learn you know yeah whether it was the story about the alcoholic

01:15:02.960 you had a door here and you got a brick wall someone goes why don't you use it or shut up 0.95

01:15:11.920 thank you jeff thank you man

01:15:18.960 just a reminder i'd love you to rate and subscribe to the podcast

01:15:23.200 and pass this on to a friend so it can be discovered by other people

01:15:43.200 you

The Glenn Beck Program - October 14, 2023

Ep 198 ｜ An Addict's Redemption Story the World NEEDS to Hear ｜ Jeff Allen ｜ The Glenn Beck Podcast

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