In this episode of the Glenn Beck Podcast, host Glenn Beck sits down with Grammy Award-winning singer-songwriter Jazzy Johnson to discuss his new album, A Bouquet of Wild Roses, and how he came to write and produce it.
00:08:50.500I don't think I've ever, I've heard people try to sound like Ella Fitzgerald, but I don't think I've ever heard anybody naturally sound like Ella Fitzgerald.
00:09:00.840How much of a role did she play in your life?
00:09:02.740It's extremely central to so much of my musicality now, even if I, what I do isn't strictly jazz, though it's, it's, it is like almost this closeted part of me that I don't get to do as often as I would like.
00:09:18.900But I went through a really heavy phase in high school of just listening to Ella Fitzgerald and Frank Sinatra, like every day.
00:09:25.640And that it was kind of just my, yeah, she's my muse.
00:10:11.720And she like, to give some background of my, my ear training and, and it's Ella Fitzgerald largely.
00:10:21.520But before that it was Gershwin and Debussy and Chopin and all of these classical, not that I played, but I have four older brothers.
00:10:29.900And, um, the one that's just older than me, he, it was probably the one that I was listening to practice the most.
00:10:39.980And he would get up at 5am and practice every single, he was just very, very dedicated.
00:10:44.680And he would practice these passages for these very long and difficult, complicated songs over and over and over again.
00:10:52.380And it would annoy him so bad, but I knew what came next.
00:10:56.160So I could sing these like complicated, uh, Rhapsody in Blue note for note, obviously not every note.
00:11:02.960Cause there's a lot of fingers going on, but, um, I would sing them and he would, he would hate it.
00:11:07.640Cause I would sing what was coming next, but he just needed to practice slowly.
00:11:11.420And I realized when I, I was thinking back on this just the other week that when he was doing that, we were all at home together.
00:11:18.740And I was like, Adam, I think that that is why I am like why I attached myself to jazz and learning scat.
00:11:28.000Because the, what makes me so excited about the Ella Fitzgerald thing is I'm so obsessed and love her so much that I learned note for note, a seven minute scat solo that she did live in Berlin in 1960 from how high the moon.
00:13:51.160Yeah, definitely play by ear and then just relying on chords.
00:13:54.120But so I was fortunate enough to get a, uh, scholarship to Northern Arizona university, their vocal program.
00:14:00.820And I don't know that I quite comprehended how opera that would be.
00:14:06.660And so it wasn't like my jam necessarily, but I was like, I was in it and I was excited for it, but it meant that I was singing like six hours a day between practices and choirs and ear training classes and diction classes.
00:14:21.300They all had some element of vocalization and singing and, or just talking or in my extracurriculars.
00:14:27.120So what ended up happening was nine weeks into that first semester, I hemorrhaged my right vocal cord.
00:14:43.200So it wasn't like, oh my gosh, my whole life is over.
00:14:45.980Well, yes, but it's, it was a perfect segue.
00:14:49.560So at that time in my life, I felt pretty connected spiritually to like what God wants me to do, I will do.
00:14:58.680And what God's plan for me is I want to, I want to, uh, you know, chase after that.
00:15:04.080And so I kind of had this, like, if there's a perfect window of opportunity for me to do something that God wants, like, I want to follow that.
00:15:11.620And so I had that kind of in the back of my head and it was, I mean, we, you could call it by chance that my vocal coach was like, oh, the ENTs, they need mock patients to learn scoping throats.
00:15:24.560And it just so happened that it was like just a few days prior to that, that I had lost my voice and I didn't realize that that was the hemorrhage.
00:15:30.740And so I go in and they're like, oh, it looks like you've hemorrhaged your vocal cords, but because we're just students, you should go get another opinion, but stop talking, stop singing.
00:15:38.980You'll probably need to drop out of college.
00:15:40.560So my immediate reaction was like, oh my gosh, this is horrible.
00:15:43.560I thought that God was leading me to college.
00:20:20.600Pain in me gold, but bring a door in the blue.
00:20:25.400As I look to the stars, I can feel the tears start swelling.
00:20:29.900And I cry, help me Lord, what am I to do?
00:20:35.580I gotta have faith, faith in the Lord, that the sun will rise tomorrow and I'll be stronger than before.
00:20:47.760I gotta have faith, faith in the Lord, that these trying times will help me and I can reap my reward.
00:20:59.140I look around and begin to count my blessings.
00:21:04.100Oh, one by one, but when I see what God has done, my heart is full and I don't need to keep on guessing.
00:21:14.580I am a child of God, even after all that's said and done, but I gotta have faith, faith in the Lord, that the sun will rise tomorrow and I'll be stronger than before.
00:21:32.260I gotta have faith, faith in the Lord, that these trying times will help me and I can reap my reward.
00:21:43.280Oh, and I know that my Savior's walking with me, by my side, in my heart and in my mind.
00:21:54.960He's the light of my life that I need to save.
00:52:37.740There's a couple of things I would say to that.
00:52:39.740I, I don't know, this isn't me feigning humility, but I truly don't know that I, um, have any expectation of like affecting people's lives.
00:52:53.740But in retrospect, when I get to here, cause you like a lot of, a lot of life, like I don't do it to, and I know that's not what you're saying, but like, I don't do it to go out there and be like, I'm going to go bless lives right now and like go to a concert, you know?
00:53:06.740But I just like, I do it cause, um, it's, it's blessed mine and I want to share that.
00:53:13.740And one of the things that's cool about this position, you know, I run into people sometimes, uh, out and about and they, you know, they'll stop me and just tell me like really quick, oh, you know, I've loved this or this, or I've, I found this song when this and this happened.
00:53:29.740It's very, very kind of them to like go deep and share something with me, but a lot of people don't really get to see the effect of what they do and how that ripples out.
00:53:38.740But in moments like that, I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't believe I get to, I get to see pretty immediately what that, what that was to somebody.
00:53:47.740And that, I think, um, you never know what it's going to be.
00:53:53.240And so I don't ever want to try, like with my writing music, I've never thought I want to make somebody feel loved.
00:54:00.860So I'm going to write a song that is like that.
00:54:06.740Well, yeah, it's just like, it's just not me, you know, as I, and some people, this is why, as I've gotten more and more into the industry, people are like, oh, do you want to have writing sessions?
00:54:30.460I, I, I was watching one of your, uh, Instagram posts and you had, I think you had just gotten off stage and you were talking about a dress.
00:54:47.140So this goes back, um, probably longer than just the last five years, but I've always been somewhat, I would say like, I've been confident.
00:55:02.060I've been confident to show up places.
00:55:05.120And I don't know that I struggle so much with the, like, I don't feel like I should be here because I'm just like, well, it's not even just me.
00:55:12.120Like I have to give credit to a higher power.
00:55:13.980So I feel like I'm like, it's me and, you know, um, so, but I, uh, like, and trigger warning to anyone that struggles with eating disorders or body dysmorphia.
00:55:27.180But I struggled deeply, uh, the beginning of 2020, I had this really weird bout of anxiety and it was so bad that it made me nauseous and I would throw up like seven times a day.
00:55:40.780And then it just kind of stumbled into a, an eating disorder.
00:55:44.920And, um, and I lost a lot of weight really quickly and it was, and I've all, and I'd always struggled with my weight.
00:55:51.420Cause we always kind of joke in third grade, I started eating, uh, school lunches that I would eat people's mac and cheese.
00:55:58.800And then I just got fat and I cursed the school lunches, but I, man, that mac and cheese was just too good.
00:56:05.440And, uh, and you were allowed to eat people's food in elementary school.
00:56:09.760Like you had to eat your own, but I, every time that aid turned its back, I shoving some mac and cheese in my mouth, but I, anyway, so I always like struggled with my weight, feeling like I was way bigger than the other people in my grade.
00:56:21.280And just like, really like, man, their cardigan is an XS and mine isn't a large, like I just, it was, you know, also just like girly things, just growing up and being 13 and whatever.
00:56:30.980But, um, and I thought I had a good handle on it, but going then, uh, once that like eating disorder and two on a mission, people feed you all the time.
00:56:41.840And I had like weird things that I didn't know if I was allergic to with dairy or whatever.
00:56:47.740So I just like would eat and then throw up and eat and throw up.
00:56:53.320Uh, and got, I was able to overcome that part of, um, just struggling with food and identity.
00:57:01.960But once I fixed that and stopped throwing up, then I gained a bunch of weight.
00:57:05.740And then I, like the body dysmorphia was just so, it hit me like a truck and I just was like, it was so strange because I really felt like the most important thing you could do was learn how to love yourself.
00:57:17.440And I didn't understand why I didn't even think that I deserve to look in the mirror.
00:57:20.780And it was stuff like that, that it was extreme where I was like, I, people's lives are worse because they have to look at me.
00:57:27.300And it was like, no one thinks that it's just like your brain cooks up the worst, you know?
00:57:33.740Yeah. And it knows exactly who you are and how to get you.
00:57:40.100And I, you know, this is probably stuff too, that I will, I know we'll continue to work on, but it's like, I sometimes then couldn't tell, well, am I lying to myself?
00:57:51.260Like, do I actually think that I'm pretty, but I'm making myself feel bad?
00:57:57.400And if people know, like, there's just a lot of layers there, but I was like, well, maybe I deserve to feel bad because then when I get better, I'll have felt the most worse that I could.
00:58:14.020Yeah. And I didn't know how to explain that to anybody. Cause I didn't want to just be like, oh, I'm just feeling down in the dumps and I hate myself. Like, it's just like, ugh, whatever. Get over it. Everyone hates themselves. Kind of.
00:58:23.160You sound, no, no offense. I'm a recovering alcoholic. That sounds like an alcoholism kind of thing.
00:58:30.720Cause it's, it, you're, you're constantly playing all these different things out in your mind.
00:58:36.500Yeah. And when you want to reach out for help, it's just complicated there too, because you don't want to feel sorry for yourself, but you don't know how much to ask for.
00:58:43.960Anyway, what I, um, uh, what I know we're talking about here is the, how I got over it was, uh, it was like in the thick of the height of just me not loving myself for who I was.
00:58:58.380And I didn't know how to fix it. And I went to the gym one day, probably working out against the mirror so that I didn't have, didn't have to look at myself.
00:59:06.460And I ran into a friend's from high school's mom and she, uh, was like, oh, it's so good to see you. I teach these cognitive therapy or these cognitive thinking classes at night.
00:59:17.740You should, we're doing one tonight. You should come. And I was like, okay, like I didn't have anything better to do.
00:59:23.420What's cognitive thinking? Um, just like it, her class was mainly focusing on like, your thoughts are powerful. It's just focusing on your thoughts and like you, I mean, cognitive thinking is just thinking, you know, just focused on your, the power of your thoughts.
00:59:42.380Um, I've said this a million times. And so anybody who's listened to me before, and I've said this, I apologize, but my father used to say the two most powerful words in any language is I am God says, who, who, who, who sent me? I am that I am.
01:00:01.020And he said, what you follow those two words with that blank. Yeah. That will create you. It is the creative force of God. Be careful.
01:00:13.960I agree wholeheartedly. And I will, I'm remember that because at the end of the story, I'm going to tell you my agreement story that ties it in with what you just said.
01:00:25.500Okay. This is my unmedicated ADHD that has to physically put a pin on it. Um, but I went to that class and she starts thinking, talking about how our thoughts make us feel a certain way. And when we feel a certain way, we act a certain way.
01:00:38.880And when we act a certain way, we define ourselves a certain way. And when we define ourselves as something, we think a certain way. And it's just this cycle that keeps going. And I was like, okay, this isn't so revolutionary, but she was like, so right in your, in your notebook, what's a thought that you have good or bad that makes you feel a certain way.
01:00:56.820And so right away I go, I'm ugly. And, and I'm like, it makes me feel ugly. And I may, and she's like, then it's going to make you act like you're ugly. Like you turn away from the mirror. You don't let people talk to you. You don't go out. And then you're going to define yourself as that. And you're just going to keep on thinking that. And I was like, yeah.
01:01:12.920And so she goes, this is what it changed. Truly. It was from, I know it's not as easy for some people, but for me, it was nine day. It was a switch. She goes, Emma thoughts are just thoughts. They're never true unless they're a fact. Facts are true, but thoughts they're made up. They are, they are our thoughts that we make up. And you are the one that decides what your truth is.
01:01:37.540And it, I was like, well, no, that's not true because I could look at a tree and say, that's a tree. And that's a true thought. And she goes, no, that's a fact. You're looking at a tree and that's a fact. Right. And I kind of, you know, I got vulnerable, vulnerable a little bit in that class. And I just told everybody what I was struggling with. Cause again, I've for, you know, my struggles, I've also been very authentic. And I was, I knew like, this is not a, this is not something that I created. I know other people struggle with this. So I thought, okay, well, I'll just talk about it.
01:02:06.680And she goes, all right, well, we're going to, we're going to talk about it. So your thought is that you're ugly and you feel this way. She goes, but what if you thought a different thought? Like, what if you thought you were the most beautiful person in the world? How would you feel? And I was like, well, I'd probably feel pretty great. And she was like, okay. And how would you act? I was like, I'd probably go out more. I'd probably talk to people. I'd probably smile more. And she's like, and you would identify yourself as a beautiful person.
01:02:32.800She goes, so if you're making up that you're ugly and you're making up that you're beautiful, choose the one that moves you forward, then hinders you. And I was like, this is like, this is not a, this is the best gym encounter of all time.
01:02:45.660I know I was seriously spiritually swole after that. I was like, what? And I just was like, it almost felt illegal. How easy that was. I was like, you're that's it. And she was like, that's it.
01:02:58.420Change your thinking, change your life. We almost don't give ourselves permission to, to let it. Cause we were, I think so conscious of, like I was in the beginning of not wanting to come off as self important. I didn't want to be like, I'm beautiful. I'm the greatest. I'm wonderful. But it's like, there's that, there's a fine line between being prideful and, and you're having your ego be through the roof and just believing in yourself and telling yourself, I can do hard things. I can, I'm going to get over this and this is going to be wonderful.
01:03:26.340The sun is going to come up tomorrow. I'll be stronger than before. And I realized I've been writing all this stuff the whole time. I just didn't apply it to myself. And somebody said, I saw this one time that if, if someone were to ask you to list all of the things that you love, how long would it take until you said yourself? And I was like, oh my gosh, it would probably take a minute.
01:03:47.580Yeah. I'm well, I don't know. I would probably start with cheese, get towards other foods. I would, I would prioritize food, but yeah, no, I, and so to unpin the thought that I had pinned earlier was I wanted to test something out. Cause people, you know, they've done like, if you've ever heard those, uh, like they put two apples and one in each room and one they speak mean to, and one they encourage, it's kind of feel silly.
01:04:15.760But like the theory was that the one that you spoke bad to would shrivel up and die quicker than the other one. And just like talking about how words are powerful. And so I was like, okay, I'm going to go on these walks or these runs.
01:04:28.220And I did cross country in high school. And so my breed, like I, I kind of had a specific breathing that with my legs, I would go in, in, out, out. And like, that was kind of my rhythm. And when I was like, okay, I'm going to run and I'm going to go, I am on the inhale and then just say something. And then I'm going to do that for 10 minutes straight. It won. It was to help me focus. And two, I was like, what's going to happen? Am I going to bloom? Am I going to blossom? And it was crazy.
01:04:52.540Yeah. I, I've, I'm still in the middle of the experiment, but I, I truly like, it's, it is something wonderful to just go through and, um, just go, you're running, running around town and you can say the same thing over and over. Just, I am wonderful. I am beautiful. I am lovely. I'm a kind person. I, you know, and you just, and you keep on telling yourself and eventually you start to feel it.
01:05:16.560Cause we tell ourself the opposite. It is human nature to tell yourself, Oh, that was so stupid. I'm so stupid. I made this, you know, always that tape is running problem solving. We think that because our brain attaches to the negativity. So, cause it's a survival mechanism. It's like, if I learn the negative thing, then I won't do that again. So a lot of times we provide negativity for ourselves because our brain latches onto it because it thinks we're problem solving. It thinks we're in survival mode. And it's like, but if you tell yourself you're ugly, then you'll avoid all of these things.
01:05:46.020But it's like, whatever. If I tell myself I'm beautiful, then I'll live a great life. And like, I, it, it seems, you know, like you don't want to just tell a depressed person. We'll just be happy. But for me, it was that easy to just be like, well, just think nice thoughts. And I was like, Oh my gosh, it was that easy all along. And I actually have a song that I wrote that is totally about this.
01:06:09.840And I didn't even realize. Am I worthy? No, it's, it's, well, there's that actually. A lot of my songs have the same theme, but they're just set in different ways. They're different hues. But, um, this is a new song off the new album.
01:06:21.060Oh, and, uh, it's, it was just, I, you know, I was thinking about that. I'm probably always subconsciously thinking about this, that, um, you know, God created all of these beautiful things. We look at the mountains. We, I mean, you know, here in Utah or in Idaho, these mountains, the beautiful landscape.
01:06:39.300You're like, this is lovely. This is beautiful. Like, but then that same notion of, but how long does it take before we look at ourselves and go, love it. I love it. It's beautiful.
01:06:49.360So that was what this song, this song is about. And, um, well, there's not much more to say, but it's called loving.
01:06:56.880Look at the moon and the stars and the sun, each shining so bright. Yeah. That's how God made them. Now look at yourself shining and tell me.