The Glenn Beck Program - Ep 29 ｜ Kevin Hines

00:00:00.080 Four seconds. Four seconds is what it takes for somebody to hit the water after they've jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge.

00:00:10.340 Four seconds. That's the amount of time that people have alive, nearly 100% of the time that take that leap.

00:00:21.400 In this case, those four seconds didn't end a life, but changed a life, because those four seconds were different.

00:00:31.260 Somehow, miraculously, on a September day in 2019, years ago, Kevin Hines thought no one cared.

00:00:40.220 For months, he had suffered from severe mental illness and depression.

00:00:44.820 Voices in his head had told him, this is the only option, Kevin.

00:00:49.000 You can't trust anybody. You have to kill yourself. Today is the day you die.

00:00:55.180 On his journey to the bridge, Kevin mentally pleaded with strangers to ask him, are you okay? To stop him.

00:01:02.720 But no one did. Yet through a series of miracles, Kevin survived. He was rescued. Recovery was not easy.

00:01:11.400 He still struggles with his mental disease every day. But this guy is a fighter.

00:01:17.400 However, this is a show today made for you, or perhaps somebody that you know, because this is a guy who gave up and then in four seconds said, wait, I've made a mistake.

00:01:33.780 And every day he shares his story in the hopes that his message of hope will help others seek the help they need.

00:01:43.340 I want to tell you about a movie called Unplanned.

00:01:59.460 Unplanned. I don't know if you've heard, but MPAA has decided to slap an R rating on it, and it is really, it's crazy to do this.

00:02:11.560 This is so far away from an R rating.

00:02:13.800 The reason why it has an R rating is because there is a CGI scene that lasts maybe 30 seconds tops, and it is of a baby, CGI, on an ultrasound, fighting its abortion.

00:02:30.820 It's crazy. It's a true story about Abby Johnson and Planned Parenthood.

00:02:35.760 This, I think, is a game-changing movie, so much so I have volunteered my time to be able to tell this story and to get people to come.

00:02:45.680 So please go to unplannedfilm.com.

00:02:49.100 That's unplannedfilm.com.

00:02:51.460 It will change you.

00:02:52.520 You're traveling 75 miles an hour.

00:03:18.380 You're dropping 25 stories.

00:03:22.520 It's said that hitting the water at that speed from the Golden Gate Bridge is like slamming into concrete.

00:03:31.440 I want to start at what you thought was the ending.

00:03:38.440 Then I want to go back and look what brought you there and what you've learned since.

00:03:43.900 The moment my hands left the rail.

00:03:51.020 I was on no cord to be talked back.

00:03:54.600 You know, it was free fall.

00:03:56.960 And it was the most terrifying, petrifying feeling I've ever had until today.

00:04:03.020 The wind is coming at you so fast with the fog.

00:04:08.620 It was like, it felt like needles hitting my skin.

00:04:12.380 And the impact was so harsh.

00:04:19.340 I immediately knew something had exploded inside of me.

00:04:23.800 And that would have been my T12, L1, and L2 that just popped.

00:04:28.320 And for a moment before I went into shock, it was excruciating, physically painful.

00:04:36.200 And that pain was completely overwhelming.

00:04:43.600 And then a vacuum, because you're going so fast, just sucks you under 70 feet into the depth of the water.

00:04:53.300 And you don't know which way is up or down.

00:04:54.940 But then I opened my eyes, thinking, I'm alive, and I'm drowning.

00:05:03.740 And my first thought, Glenn, was, I don't want to drown.

00:05:07.580 Why'd you jump into a giant body of water, you know?

00:05:11.540 And trying to right myself and find a way to the surface in the murky water was beyond comprehension.

00:05:20.740 I didn't know what to do.

00:05:21.460 But you eventually just naturally bob up?

00:05:25.520 No, no, I couldn't feel my legs.

00:05:27.600 Now, I don't know if they were immobile or if I just could not feel them.

00:05:31.000 But I couldn't feel them, and I thought I wasn't moving them.

00:05:33.700 But I swam as fast as my arms would take me to what I believed to be the surface.

00:05:39.480 After I figured out I was going down initially, because my ears began to ring and my eyes began to bulge.

00:05:46.360 I knew I was going down.

00:05:48.500 I learned that by, you know, watching enough Shark Tank.

00:05:51.800 Shark Week.

00:05:52.600 So I shot for the surface, and I'm swimming as fast as my arms will take me, not feeling my legs.

00:05:59.940 And I get to, like, this lit circle of water above me, and I think, I'm not going to make it.

00:06:07.380 I'm going to die today.

00:06:08.600 And if I die today, no one is ever going to know that I didn't want to.

00:06:16.240 Because when my hands left that rail, it was an instantaneous regret from my actions.

00:06:20.800 Which is what 19 of the 39 Golden Gate Bridge jump survivors have recounted aloud, that they had an instant regret from their actions.

00:06:30.260 And I believe, Glenn, that that's because our thoughts are separate from our actions.

00:06:35.940 It's just because we think something doesn't mean we have to do something.

00:06:38.680 And the analogy I use when I go and speak to high school kids is I say, for thousands of kids, I say, if your mom and dad's thoughts always became their actions, how many of them would be in jail right now for road rage?

00:06:50.640 And only thousands of kids raised their hands.

00:06:52.740 You know, so if we can recognize in suicidal crisis that our thoughts don't have to define, own, or rule our actions, I believe we can always stay.

00:07:04.040 All right.

00:07:05.020 We're going to come back to how you were rescued.

00:07:10.100 But now come with me just to the few minutes before you jumped.

00:07:16.580 In reading your book and having personal experience and familial experience with suicide, I so related and people don't understand.

00:07:36.660 If you've ever contemplated suicide, you read your book and you're like, that's me.

00:07:44.680 I know that I know that moment and others who just look at it as, well, it's some sort of depression.

00:07:53.260 Hey, buck up, kid.

00:07:54.680 We all have that kind of stuff.

00:07:56.280 They don't understand how there is a you in there still fighting just a little bit, still fighting, wanting someone to reach out and say, stop, stop.

00:08:11.860 Don't do it.

00:08:12.700 Tell me about, just tell me about the morning, that morning.

00:08:19.480 So the morning of, you know, well, first of all, I hadn't slept, I think, 14 days, but about two hours.

00:08:29.560 So that causes psychosis all by itself.

00:08:31.800 I get to the morning of, I'm feeling like bugs are crawling up and down my skin.

00:08:38.640 I have bipolar disorder.

00:08:40.760 It's very real.

00:08:41.460 I have a neurochemical disease in my brain, misaligned chemicals.

00:08:45.100 And that morning I had written the note.

00:08:48.780 I had put the note in my notebook and the notebook at my shoulder bag by the door.

00:08:52.280 And at six in the morning, I entered my father Patrick's room.

00:08:56.100 He was sound asleep wearing a CPAP machine, you know, sounding like Darth Vader snoring.

00:09:00.920 And, and I startled him awake.

00:09:05.020 And he says immediately, Kevin, what's wrong?

00:09:08.340 We, we've been having a, we've been having a trying time.

00:09:10.860 Kevin, what's wrong?

00:09:12.300 And I said, nothing, dad.

00:09:14.040 I just wanted to tell you that I love you.

00:09:17.460 And in my mind, it was for the very last time.

00:09:21.560 And he said, well, Kevin, I love you too, but it is six in the morning and I don't have

00:09:26.060 to be at work until nine, go back to bed.

00:09:29.040 And he put his mask back on and he fell as sound asleep as quickly as he had awoken.

00:09:34.620 He had no idea.

00:09:35.560 I walked around the other side of the bed, sat on the carpeted floor and I rocked my body

00:09:38.820 back and forth in tears, begging myself to tell the one man who loves me the most in

00:09:44.880 the world, the truth.

00:09:46.480 While the voices in my head, the auditory hallucinations caused by that disease, I call

00:09:52.680 it brain pain.

00:09:53.400 You know, we call it a mental illness, but it's really brain pain.

00:09:57.280 Your brain can get diseased just like any other organ in the body.

00:10:02.460 I just rocked back and forth, begging myself to tell him.

00:10:05.780 And then the voice in my head said, Kevin, you have to die today.

00:10:12.220 You have no choice.

00:10:13.860 It's inevitable.

00:10:16.580 And that was a voice I heard for so long that, that inner, that, that, and people don't understand

00:10:23.400 what it is.

00:10:24.400 If you've never had a hallucination, if you've never heard a voice other than your conscience

00:10:29.260 in your head, that doesn't sound like anybody, you know, or love, you can't comprehend unless

00:10:34.040 you put on earphones like, like they're doing now to study people with live with schizophrenia

00:10:39.480 and my type of bipolar disorder.

00:10:41.940 They're studying how and what it's like to listen to voices other than the voices, you

00:10:46.700 know, in your head, telling you things you should do that you don't want to do.

00:10:51.040 So who did you, who, how did you process hearing that voice?

00:10:58.400 Who was that voice?

00:10:59.820 What was it?

00:11:00.560 Oh, I had heard that voice first in fourth grade, but never told anybody.

00:11:05.380 And in fourth grade, it wasn't like a, it wasn't like a voice like yours.

00:11:09.840 It was like a, a hateful, spiteful voice that I couldn't quite understand.

00:11:14.500 I just knew it didn't like me.

00:11:16.220 You know, I knew in fourth grade that this, this thing was in me that didn't like me,

00:11:20.560 that hated me.

00:11:21.400 How did you process that?

00:11:22.860 I didn't tell anybody.

00:11:23.740 I just kept it inside.

00:11:24.900 How did you, what were you thinking that was?

00:11:27.320 What do you, what, what was that in a fourth grader?

00:11:30.560 Well, as a fourth grader, first of all, I was viciously bullied in grade school because,

00:11:36.220 and I'm gonna be frank with you, Glenn, I didn't look like the other kids.

00:11:39.020 I wasn't, I wasn't all Irish and I wasn't all Italian.

00:11:41.700 I'm part black, I'm part Jamaican, I'm part Portuguese and, and people, people took note

00:11:47.160 of that and they made fun of me.

00:11:48.580 The eighth graders would pull my ears like this and yell, whistle, little N word whistle.

00:11:53.860 Oh my God.

00:11:54.700 Oh yeah.

00:11:55.680 A few guys would hold me from behind under my arms and punch me in the gut so no one would

00:11:59.580 see the bruises.

00:12:01.600 I'd love to name them, but I'm not going to, you know, and, and, and, and this was something

00:12:06.620 that went on every day.

00:12:07.440 And so there was definitely a, a, a great self-loathing that came from without, it came

00:12:15.820 from outside of me that, that, that, that these guys hated me because of the tan color

00:12:20.720 of my skin, or they just hated me because I was different and I maybe acted different.

00:12:24.820 I was kind of a, I was not duck, you know, I was, I was loud and obnoxious and maybe the

00:12:30.660 word annoying came out a lot, but, but I was loud and obnoxious partly because of those

00:12:34.880 voices in my head.

00:12:37.020 And then, and then it would turn into this massive amount of bullying by not just my

00:12:40.580 graders, but, but every grade above that who didn't like, uh, me and what I look like

00:12:47.040 and that my family was adopted, that my brother was black and that, you know, my, it was a

00:12:51.900 whole situation that I had to deal with for seven years.

00:12:55.080 And in eighth grade, I said, no more.

00:12:57.520 I said, I got to get the heck out of here.

00:12:58.700 I should have gotten the heck out of this school a long time ago.

00:13:00.580 And I went to an all black grade school for eighth grade and it was the best decision

00:13:04.020 I ever made because they accepted me on day one, day one.

00:13:09.400 And really, Glenn, nobody really knows that part of my story.

00:13:12.080 I don't talk about that very often.

00:13:13.860 You know, it's not something that's very public.

00:13:16.280 Um, Glenn, they, they, they put me in a trash can upside down and banana peels when they

00:13:21.500 wanted to.

00:13:23.480 I want to pursue this, but why are you sharing it to me now?

00:13:28.580 Now, I have no idea.

00:13:30.160 It popped into my head.

00:13:31.280 I think about it a lot.

00:13:33.860 They broke me, Glenn, every day.

00:13:38.040 And some of my family members didn't, didn't understand what was really going on.

00:13:42.180 And I say it now, I think I say it now, Glenn, because I look at cyber bullying, which the

00:13:47.580 crisis text line says is 60% more lethal than physical bullying.

00:13:51.340 Because these kids see themselves online.

00:13:54.500 It's his persona.

00:13:55.300 They've developed online, this, this social media, and they see that their network, the

00:14:01.260 people on their feeds to them, Glenn, that's the whole world.

00:14:04.620 Yeah.

00:14:04.920 And, and, and, and someone puts a message online or a picture online that makes you,

00:14:09.560 or a video online that makes you look terrible or shames you in some way, or even goes worse

00:14:14.100 than that, uh, goes further than that with what these kids are doing these days.

00:14:19.940 They think the whole world sees that and they can't see past the fact that someday they're

00:14:23.920 going to be 37 with, with four successful businesses and a lovely wife and, and, uh, and,

00:14:32.640 and a great, a great network of family and friends.

00:14:34.960 They can't see that Glenn.

00:14:36.800 They can't see that possibility.

00:14:39.020 They're stuck in that tunnel.

00:14:41.120 Everyone knows it's out.

00:14:43.780 I have to die.

00:14:46.120 And something happens in their brain, Glenn.

00:14:49.380 Chemicals in their brain change based upon the amount of likes they receive or don't.

00:14:54.540 And that is a problem we need to solve before it's too late.

00:14:59.520 I'm going to get a lot of flack for saying this.

00:15:01.260 I'm on social media all the time.

00:15:02.960 I just started a YouTube channel, you know, but, but I almost some, I find myself wishing

00:15:10.360 for a world where we look at each other, Glenn, someday we go, you remember that thing, you

00:15:15.980 remember that thing's called social media?

00:15:17.800 It was so hilarious and so wonderful in some ways, but so detrimental in so many others.

00:15:24.900 You remember that thing we used to mess around with that we don't anymore?

00:15:28.280 I have a part of me, a part of me that wishes for that world because at least then Glenn

00:15:34.780 would be sitting at the table, having a conversation in person that would matter.

00:15:39.020 Yeah.

00:15:39.600 You know, at least then Glenn kids would have the conversations they need to have with

00:15:43.380 their parents that they're not having because they're on their phones all night long and

00:15:48.380 they're not sleeping.

00:15:49.060 And then they're depressed in the morning and they're wondering why.

00:15:57.340 So you're in eighth grade, you say, stop, you switch schools.

00:16:02.900 Yeah.

00:16:03.420 Does stop, but the voices don't stop.

00:16:05.820 Well, so, so, so, so they, they happened in fourth grade and fifth grade and like, but

00:16:09.640 then they went away.

00:16:11.440 It was like, it was like, I got out of that school.

00:16:14.500 I got out of that situation and I had people who accepted me for who I was, not who wanted

00:16:22.080 me to be someone I wasn't.

00:16:24.640 And that was magical, man.

00:16:26.320 You know?

00:16:26.860 And then I get into high school, go to all boys Catholic high school where my father

00:16:31.680 went, which I had, I, I only applied to that school.

00:16:34.260 It was my only option.

00:16:35.160 If I didn't get it, I was going to be in big trouble, you know?

00:16:38.800 And I, and I, and I'm looking at the, at the, at the wall with my dad's, you know, picture

00:16:44.060 on it.

00:16:44.420 And he's, his picture in his graduation picture is him looking sideways with his Ray-Bans

00:16:49.060 on.

00:16:49.400 Somehow he snuck that in the picture.

00:16:50.780 It was fantastic.

00:16:51.640 It was amazing.

00:16:52.640 It's on there forever.

00:16:54.580 And, and I love that school.

00:16:55.780 Archbishop Reardon High School.

00:16:56.860 I was a crusader and, um, and I have great faith.

00:17:00.420 I always have.

00:17:01.460 I only lost my faith, Glenn, the day I was on that bridge looking down, crying my tears

00:17:07.100 to the waters below, but I found God on the way down, you know, but, but, but, you know,

00:17:13.360 back, back to the point at hand, high school wasn't easy either.

00:17:20.360 I was 5'2", a buck and some change, the tiny guy with no, no friends.

00:17:27.500 And I remember, I remember, I remember vividly walking into the cafeteria the first day of

00:17:32.760 school and you could, you could literally see the division of race amongst the tables.

00:17:39.220 And it made me so sad.

00:17:42.620 You, on the right, and I'm just gonna be very clear here, on the right, it's in the book,

00:17:47.580 I think, on the right was the, uh, Asian table.

00:17:51.600 And it was mostly, it looked like, you know, you could tell they were, uh, Chinese, Korean

00:17:57.060 individuals.

00:17:57.920 And they made that clear.

00:17:59.660 The Filipino table was very clear.

00:18:01.680 The black table, the, the, what I call the misfit table, the white table, and then I don't

00:18:07.920 remember what was on the left, but I walked up to every table and every table dismissed

00:18:13.160 me.

00:18:14.160 Every table said, go sit to the next, every single table, except the misfit table.

00:18:20.580 The table of tech nerds and geeks and, and guys that didn't belong anywhere or still they

00:18:28.060 felt.

00:18:28.440 And I found myself there and that was also magical.

00:18:31.760 It was wonderful because I made some of the greatest friends I still have today who are

00:18:36.000 trying to make films like me.

00:18:37.460 So it's really cool.

00:18:41.040 I'm guessing a lot of those misfit tables end up being the people that are running the

00:18:45.920 world.

00:18:46.600 I don't know.

00:18:47.440 I think, I think they're all doing great things that are, they're trying.

00:18:50.860 You know what those misfit tables are filled with people of?

00:18:52.940 They're filled with the people that are affecting social change.

00:18:56.060 Yes.

00:18:56.500 That's what they are.

00:18:57.140 Yes.

00:18:57.660 That's what they are.

00:18:58.240 They change the world.

00:18:59.160 They want to, they certainly want to, and they've always wanted to.

00:19:02.180 Yeah.

00:19:02.760 Yeah.

00:19:03.980 All right.

00:19:05.440 So you, you continue to speak about your father who sounds wonderful.

00:19:13.220 But he's not your, your birth father.

00:19:16.180 No.

00:19:16.320 Um, your father and mother, um, you were actually taken from their home very early on.

00:19:23.640 Yeah.

00:19:25.080 Tell me that.

00:19:28.140 Martino Ferales was half Mexican and half Italian.

00:19:30.800 He was a round faced man from the picture.

00:19:36.320 I, the one picture I have with the black beard and a big, and lots of bushy hair.

00:19:41.120 And, um, and he was, uh, a hippie through and through in the seventies in San Francisco,

00:19:47.900 post hippie era kind of, you know, and, and, uh, and he was madly in love with Marcia,

00:19:52.960 Veronica, Silvera Prasad.

00:19:56.000 And, uh, she was a whole bunch of wonderful things, but she was born in Jamaica and James

00:20:01.800 Bond Island in St.

00:20:02.800 Mary's Island.

00:20:04.240 And they found themselves in San Francisco and they found themselves in love.

00:20:07.900 And they had two baby boys, me, then named Giovanni Gabriel Prasad Ferales and my brother

00:20:15.000 Jordache.

00:20:15.640 I always wonder why I got four names.

00:20:17.400 He got one.

00:20:18.180 It's not fair.

00:20:18.880 But anyway, so, um, they had two boys, uh, and, and, and I've since learned that they

00:20:25.300 weren't on drugs when they had us physically.

00:20:28.000 Right.

00:20:28.640 But they were on drugs after they gave birth to us.

00:20:31.580 So they gave birth to us very quickly, both one after the other.

00:20:34.700 Jordache was my older brother.

00:20:35.940 I got that wrong in the book, actually.

00:20:37.840 A bit of misinformation there.

00:20:39.680 I misunderstood that.

00:20:40.400 But, uh, Jordache was my older brother, but only a little bit.

00:20:43.720 They were busy.

00:20:44.320 Mom and dad, you know?

00:20:45.420 And, uh, and, um, we, we lived in, in squalor in the Tenderloin of San Francisco and, and,

00:20:55.520 and, and they did a lot of drugs and they sold drugs.

00:20:58.520 And, and I'm told my birth mother, I'm told she was a prostitute.

00:21:02.520 I don't know if that's accurate, but they've been told that many times by different people.

00:21:05.860 Um, and I found some court documents that, that when you read a certain quote, it says the, when they came to take us, the police came to take us from our, our, our neglectful parents.

00:21:19.540 Um, the boys lie there, barely clothed in their own filth, screaming and crying not to be neglected.

00:21:27.160 And, and, and, and when you go further, you see that there's drug paraphernalia, sharp metal objects on the bed that if we had touched could have harmed or killed us.

00:21:35.580 So it's, it was a bad situation for two infants to be in and they took us and they placed us in foster care and we bounced around from home to home.

00:21:43.740 And I got emotional when you said about my mom and dad, because I, I love them dearly and I know they love me.

00:21:49.220 I know they love me unconditionally.

00:21:50.520 They fought to keep me in court, but they couldn't because of their sickness, their, their disease, their substance use.

00:21:56.000 So you understand this.

00:21:56.980 I know you do.

00:21:58.560 Um, they actually kidnapped you.

00:22:01.760 They did.

00:22:02.220 They, they, they, they wanted us some weeks in, they wanted us back so bad that they came to, uh, the foster care for a meeting, you know, a meeting.

00:22:11.240 And we were, the boys are, we were playing and they had a whole plan and they took us so that we were on the run for weeks with mom and dad.

00:22:19.480 I'm sure there was an APB put out on them and they got us back and they were in big trouble for that.

00:22:23.380 Um, but they really fought for a long time to, to get us back.

00:22:27.540 They wanted and loved us unconditionally.

00:22:29.220 I know that I know that I didn't know any of this growing up.

00:22:32.680 At least I didn't remember it.

00:22:34.020 So I thought my narrative in my head was that they didn't, we weren't taken from them, but that they gave us away.

00:22:42.340 So this thought in my head about being given away from, from, from the, from the, I hate to say this, but from the jump, I felt worthless.

00:22:50.040 Because I've had a void in the pit of my stomach, in my chest, since I can remember, since I can comprehend what pain is, I've had it.

00:23:01.380 I say, I say, and there's a, I say I was born in pain, like the character Deadpool, which I wear on my hat and my watch.

00:23:07.900 And I wear it very purposely because that character was born in a great deal of pain.

00:23:12.540 And I feel like I was too.

00:23:14.540 And all of my life, Glenn, the greatest achievement I ever would have wanted would be to walk up to Marcia, to envelop her in my arms, to tell her I love her once, to hear her say it back.

00:23:28.120 And if, and if she never allowed me to be in her life as her son, I would have been fine with that.

00:23:35.000 I just wanted that one hug and that one, I love you.

00:23:39.700 I wouldn't get that.

00:23:41.360 If she would die, uh, I, can I get into this if you don't mind?

00:23:45.140 I mean, I, I would go to look, I would find out my, I would find out my birth dad, I think was killed by police officers because he, he assaulted them.

00:23:52.520 So they had to do what they had to do.

00:23:53.960 And I understand that, you know, he, he was pushing drugs and all that.

00:23:58.000 And that happened.

00:23:59.220 But I learned that when I was 12, uh, it happened when I was young.

00:24:05.020 And then I go and look from my birth mom around 25, 27 years of age.

00:24:11.100 And I learned, uh, from a great friend who looked into the matter, who found my birth parents information and found that I had a, uh, uh, a grandma and grandpa in.

00:24:22.680 In the Bay area.

00:24:24.780 Hope was my grandmother's name.

00:24:26.560 Glenn, my grandfather's name was Blancorn Silvera and Sheikah lived with Hope and Blancorn.

00:24:33.960 And that was my half sister that I didn't know I had.

00:24:37.680 And so I get this phone number and I call it.

00:24:41.140 And this is what I say.

00:24:42.920 Hi, Sheikah.

00:24:44.040 My name is Kevin Hines.

00:24:45.700 Uh, I think I'm, I'm your brother.

00:24:48.300 My name used to be Giovanni Gabriela Prasad Filales.

00:24:50.260 Please call me.

00:24:51.000 Would you call that guy?

00:24:52.520 Who's going to call that guy?

00:24:53.740 She didn't call me for two years.

00:24:55.520 She sees me on 2020 with John Stossel.

00:24:58.460 She knew the story.

00:24:59.660 She goes back to that number.

00:25:00.820 She calls the number.

00:25:01.580 I'm in my dad's house in our bottle in San Francisco, the old house.

00:25:06.380 I get the call in the kitchen.

00:25:07.740 I'm making a spam sandwich.

00:25:09.240 And that was my, I met nobody made spam like me.

00:25:12.660 Nobody did.

00:25:13.340 Not a lot of people even.

00:25:14.100 But, but, uh, but I get this call and, and, and she says, hello, Kevin.

00:25:23.320 I said, yes.

00:25:24.220 She said, did your name used to be Giovanni?

00:25:26.400 I said, who is this?

00:25:27.260 Cause nobody calls me that.

00:25:28.140 And she said, this is Sheikah.

00:25:30.060 I said, like Sheikah, my sister.

00:25:31.240 And she said, how many Sheikahs do you know?

00:25:34.420 I said, I have to see you right now.

00:25:35.740 She says, hold on.

00:25:36.260 I don't know you.

00:25:37.480 I said, no, I have to see you right now.

00:25:38.980 And if you don't ever want to see me again, I'm okay with that.

00:25:40.940 I need, I need to see you, please.

00:25:42.680 I'm begging you.

00:25:44.700 I go and I meet her and she comes around the corner of a Starbucks on 14th and Ulo in San

00:25:49.600 Francisco on West portal Avenue.

00:25:52.300 The spitting image of our mom, uncanny resemblance of the one picture I've had my entire life,

00:25:59.220 which I have framed.

00:26:01.360 It's the only framed picture I have in my man cave, you know, and I have a, I have a Marvel

00:26:09.400 man.

00:26:09.680 No, I know.

00:26:10.200 Yeah.

00:26:10.560 I can imagine.

00:26:11.400 It's all posters.

00:26:12.660 It's all, it's all comics.

00:26:13.720 I got it.

00:26:14.600 One framed picture of my mom.

00:26:15.820 And, and Sheikah walks up to me, opens her arms, envelops me in them, leans in and says,

00:26:23.800 I love you.

00:26:26.000 And it was like, it all happened.

00:26:28.300 It happened.

00:26:30.200 And it, uh, and we're thick as thieves today, you know?

00:26:33.560 And, and then I find out I have a half brother I didn't know I had.

00:26:36.700 And I meet my cousins who look just like me.

00:26:38.680 One's heavier, one's skinnier, one's got more muscles, you know?

00:26:41.020 They're all bald, but not by choice.

00:26:44.440 So, so, you know, the point of all this is that, you know, I lost my parents, my birth

00:26:51.260 parents, but I, I gained a beautiful family.

00:26:56.000 The Heinz family, my mom and dad, Pat and Debbie Heinz took me in, made me their son.

00:27:02.820 They made my brother, their son from a different family.

00:27:05.000 And my sister, their daughter from a different family.

00:27:07.180 And, and we were a melting pot of a beautiful family that nobody understood because we didn't

00:27:11.660 look alike.

00:27:12.180 And we would walk in our restaurants and people would turn us away in California in the 1980s.

00:27:18.980 You know, that's crazy.

00:27:20.940 That's crazy.

00:27:22.920 It's crazy.

00:27:24.000 It's crazy.

00:27:24.920 Only happened a couple of times, but the fact that it happened at all is ridiculous.

00:27:28.280 Yeah.

00:27:28.680 Yeah.

00:27:28.860 Um, you know, and, and, you know, they gave us life, future hope, but even though they

00:27:40.320 gave us all of that, the three of us would see the inside of psych words three times each

00:27:44.640 before we were 30 because of our brains.

00:27:50.660 Mom and dad, mom and dad.

00:27:52.420 They were both, I mean, usually people who are self-medicating or, yeah, are doing it

00:27:59.480 for a reason.

00:28:00.160 They're doing it for a reason.

00:28:00.960 They were in pain.

00:28:01.860 They were hurting and, and, and their, their socioeconomic status was, was poor and, and

00:28:06.940 they had, they had no feasible legal income.

00:28:09.400 You're talking about birth parents, right?

00:28:10.720 Yeah.

00:28:11.160 They, they, they, they had nothing and no one.

00:28:13.340 They had themselves and they had us.

00:28:16.040 And when they didn't have us, they felt like they didn't have anything.

00:28:18.400 How old were you when you were adopted?

00:28:23.700 I was adopted, uh, by the Heinz when I was about four and a half, I think four and a half.

00:28:28.900 Let's see.

00:28:29.240 It was March, March 17th, 1986.

00:28:32.520 So yeah.

00:28:33.520 And, and Libby Elizabeth was adopted at the same time I was.

00:28:36.680 And then we took in Joseph.

00:28:38.700 Uh, uh, what a pumpkin, this kid.

00:28:41.740 He was special.

00:28:43.280 He was special.

00:28:44.700 Um, I can't get into too much about him.

00:28:48.400 Because he doesn't like to be talked about, but, but he, uh, he's had the hardest life

00:28:52.160 of anyone I've ever known.

00:28:53.100 Let's leave it at that.

00:28:55.260 Anyone I've ever known in my entire life.

00:29:07.840 You're close to your dad, Heinz.

00:29:09.940 Yeah, no, I am.

00:29:10.880 My dad and I are thick as thieves.

00:29:12.480 We're, we're, we're good buddies.

00:29:14.280 So as you were approaching your time at the bridge.

00:29:18.620 Yeah.

00:29:19.660 What were you going through?

00:29:22.360 I couldn't tell him because the voices just kept interrupting.

00:29:26.180 You know, I'll tell my dad and then they'd be quiet, Kevin.

00:29:30.260 You have to die, Kevin.

00:29:31.760 Now, is it one voice, several voices?

00:29:34.660 It, it, it, I don't, imagine an echo that gets as loud as you can possibly fathom, but

00:29:45.400 inside, it's not coming from outside, coming from inside.

00:29:51.360 Imagine like feeling like, I, like there's an entity inside you that hates you and is

00:30:04.780 always trying to kill you.

00:30:07.360 I mean, I think you, I think you know something about that.

00:30:09.240 I do.

00:30:10.180 I don't, I've never heard voices, but I do know, I do know how unreasonable, how, how

00:30:19.460 absolute lies and, and I would call it anti-logic.

00:30:25.380 Yes.

00:30:26.020 Becomes the most logical thing you can, you're, you're, you are, you believe it, you see yourself

00:30:36.920 as the problem.

00:30:38.720 You start to believe that things are better without you.

00:30:42.960 You just want the pain to stop and, uh, you've tried everything you can to get away from it.

00:30:53.000 What's the one thing all of us want to happen when we are in excruciating physical pain?

00:30:57.020 We want it to stop and to go away and you try anything, but brain pain is 300,000 times

00:31:03.840 worse than physical pain.

00:31:05.180 You can heal physical pain over time.

00:31:08.000 And your, and your brain, your mind knows your weaknesses.

00:31:14.240 Yeah.

00:31:14.740 No, you can be in a battle with someone else.

00:31:17.040 They don't know everything that you do about you, you know, and your brain plays.

00:31:23.960 On all of the weaknesses, but it, it comes at you knowing you.

00:31:29.520 Yeah.

00:31:30.520 It's your inner critical voice.

00:31:31.800 We all have one.

00:31:32.600 Yeah.

00:31:32.860 Right.

00:31:33.020 So that inner critical voice needs to be retaught.

00:31:35.120 It needs to be relearned.

00:31:36.220 Right.

00:31:36.560 So this is what I do again with high school students and people all over the world is

00:31:41.200 when I'm in front of an audience, we do it.

00:31:42.840 We do an interactive session where I say, okay, I'm going to say my name.

00:31:46.720 You say your name and repeat after me.

00:31:48.980 We're going to, we're going to retrain the negative inner critical voice in our, in our

00:31:52.140 minds.

00:31:52.500 Okay.

00:31:52.800 So every time you say I'm ugly, say I'm beautiful.

00:31:55.820 Every time you say I'm fat, say I'm, I'm gorgeous.

00:31:58.600 Every time you say I'm dumb, say I'm smart.

00:32:01.500 And we go back and forth and you, you, you hear somewhere between a thousand and 15,000

00:32:06.360 people recounting this aloud.

00:32:07.780 And they say there, I say my name, I say, Kevin, I love you.

00:32:11.340 And you hear all these names and then I love you, Kevin, you're beautiful, Kevin, you're

00:32:16.620 the best, Kevin, you're the greatest.

00:32:18.720 And then I do one at the end where I, I, you know, do a silly one, but it just, it gets

00:32:23.640 them all laughing.

00:32:24.560 It gets them standing up, moving in their seats, gets them excited.

00:32:27.780 And then they go home and I get these letters from people that say, I retrained my negative

00:32:31.720 inner critical voice.

00:32:33.360 And every time I say something, I go back to the mirror and I say, no, I do love you.

00:32:37.100 You are amazing and you are the greatest.

00:32:38.900 And when that happens, when they retrain the inner critical voice over time, guess what?

00:32:44.940 Recite, repeat, believe.

00:32:46.760 What has every faith ever been built on?

00:32:49.060 Recite, repeat, believe.

00:32:50.420 If we recite, if we repeat, if we believe we can change it.

00:32:53.940 On that note, Glenn, I want to bring some up to you that I think you're, that it would

00:32:57.280 be close to your heart.

00:32:58.900 Our U.S. military is dying 22 a day by suicide or more.

00:33:03.240 Actually it is more because a lot of, it's, it's so underreported.

00:33:07.100 Because the ones that are accidentally reported and all the other, it, it, it's disgusting.

00:33:12.540 There are two things I think can change this in, in, in a very quick amount of time.

00:33:19.000 And I mean this, this is, this is, this is, I have been racking my brain as I travel the

00:33:24.580 world to military bases, giving presentations 16, 18 weeks a year.

00:33:28.760 I've been racking my brain, working for the DOD and on, on their, on one of their boards

00:33:33.640 and trying to solve the military crisis of suicide.

00:33:36.620 And I believe I've come up with two strategies that could make a real difference.

00:33:40.800 Number one is, is that I believe the cadence is wrong.

00:33:49.760 The cadence, the cadence that every military officer gives out when, when the, when the

00:33:55.940 military drill sergeant puts it out and they, and they repeat it is not about how they survive

00:34:01.800 themselves.

00:34:02.380 It's about how they survive war.

00:34:05.760 It's about how they fight to kill, fight to, to take over and, and, and, and, and, and

00:34:10.520 fight to win.

00:34:11.540 And that's great.

00:34:12.540 And that's important.

00:34:13.880 That should be part of it.

00:34:15.380 Another part of it should be about fighting to survive themselves, especially with the number

00:34:20.200 that are dying every day.

00:34:21.320 It should be, I will never die by my hands.

00:34:25.320 I will fight the pain in spite of the pain to survive every day, something along those

00:34:30.900 lines, something that we can write that a drill sergeant can bellow that a military officer

00:34:36.200 can repeat every single day.

00:34:38.240 And if we recite, we repeat, we believe, look at every faith in the world.

00:34:42.120 So, um, what you're talking about is something called science of mind, um, that I was raised

00:34:48.560 on.

00:34:48.840 And it's, um, a philosophy from California, uh, think around the 1940s in the age of Norman

00:34:56.580 Vincent Peale, you know, um, positive thinking and all this stuff.

00:35:01.020 And, um, it's rooted in the ideas of, um, the power of the spoken word, the power of the

00:35:12.820 power of creation.

00:35:13.820 You know, as God spoke, it became in the beginning, there was the word and the word created.

00:35:22.760 And so we have that creative power inside of us.

00:35:27.200 And it is by the word, our words, our thoughts are all creative.

00:35:32.240 So when you say, I will never, the, the, the mind doesn't recognize a negative thought.

00:35:39.900 It is not a judge of positive, negative.

00:35:42.380 It just is.

00:35:43.780 So when people say, if I asked you jumping off the bridge, was that the worst day of

00:35:50.560 your life, the best day of your life or both, right?

00:35:56.460 The brain, most people would say, listen to your story and pick one of the two.

00:36:01.300 Okay.

00:36:01.820 You know what I mean?

00:36:02.400 And they would say, Oh, you struggled so hard.

00:36:04.680 And that was the worst.

00:36:05.360 But when you really have perspective, you can back up and go, this was horrible in my life,

00:36:13.380 but I had the power to take that and build this out of it.

00:36:19.640 You know?

00:36:20.600 So the brain doesn't, doesn't judge good or bad.

00:36:23.980 It just is.

00:36:24.700 So whatever you're telling yourself, you say, I am fat.

00:36:28.300 I am ugly.

00:36:29.140 You are going to create fat and ugly and you believe it and you believe it and people fail

00:36:36.800 when they say, well, I don't believe that I'm, I'm happy.

00:36:41.360 I'm successful.

00:36:42.440 Right.

00:36:43.080 And you won't for a long time, but you have to start replacing this negative tape.

00:36:50.860 It's, I firmly believe that the, the commandment of thou shall not take thy Lord, thy God's

00:37:00.980 name in vain.

00:37:02.140 I firmly believe this.

00:37:03.860 And I haven't heard any church ever say this.

00:37:06.020 So this is the gospel according to Glenn.

00:37:08.980 Thou shall not take the Lord, thy God's name in vain.

00:37:11.700 What is it?

00:37:12.240 It's Yahweh.

00:37:13.080 It's this, it's that.

00:37:14.820 Well, no.

00:37:16.120 In fact, it's so sacred that you're not supposed to say it.

00:37:20.300 The Jewish people will not utter it.

00:37:23.240 And Yahweh is not it.

00:37:26.060 It is, if you were to pronounce it, it is more like, so it's the breath.

00:37:32.900 First, there was the word and it was spoken.

00:37:35.700 And so it's a breath that comes out that creates when he says, don't take my, my name in vain.

00:37:43.060 If you read the Bible, it is always capitalized.

00:37:48.320 I am.

00:37:49.160 I am.

00:37:49.960 His name at Moses, who shall I say sent me?

00:37:55.040 I am that I am.

00:37:57.860 I am happy.

00:38:00.280 I'm coupling with the God force to create that.

00:38:05.820 I am miserable.

00:38:08.500 Be careful.

00:38:11.340 Don't take I am in vain.

00:38:15.000 Don't just let it spill out of your head because it builds you.

00:38:21.720 It creates you.

00:38:22.780 And it can destroy you.

00:38:24.020 And it can destroy you.

00:38:25.600 It's what saved my life.

00:38:28.220 It's what saved my life.

00:38:29.740 I was going down the same exact path.

00:38:33.180 And my father said, what are you saying?

00:38:36.640 What do you feel?

00:38:37.700 I am.

00:38:39.440 What's the word after that, that you hear all the time that you're saying all the time and

00:38:45.120 you don't even notice it.

00:38:46.420 And he said to me, I want you to, I want you to go and, and keep a notepad at your table

00:38:53.760 or at your bedside for the morning, do it one day, put a notepad and a pen, keep it there.

00:39:00.000 You wake up after midnight or whenever you wake up, journal your thoughts.

00:39:04.800 Don't write down what it is.

00:39:06.780 Just put a slash down the center, positive, negative.

00:39:09.940 I woke up at about 4.45, had to be at work at about 5.15.

00:39:17.000 I was hit my, I hit my first stoplight on the way.

00:39:21.320 I had 37 negatives and not a single positive.

00:39:24.940 Wow.

00:39:26.500 That was my diagnosis that I knew exactly what was happening.

00:39:30.780 I had taken the things that I had felt that others had said, the experiences of my life,

00:39:39.940 and I just consumed them and I made that me.

00:39:46.060 It's not who I was.

00:39:47.600 No.

00:39:48.800 You are on absolutely the right track.

00:39:52.120 Well, one of the other things that boggles my mind is that every military base in the world

00:39:58.000 has about four or five things in common.

00:40:01.220 A Taco Bell, Starbucks, a McDonald's, a Subway, and maybe one other, you know.

00:40:10.460 Pizza Hut.

00:40:10.960 Pizza Hut.

00:40:11.520 Pizza Hut.

00:40:11.900 There it is.

00:40:12.260 Right.

00:40:13.500 Five shops filled with inflammatory foods that cause depression.

00:40:18.840 Filled with nothing but inflammatory foods that cause depression.

00:40:22.460 And we're wondering why they're dying at 70 a day.

00:40:28.420 If we actually do the work to remove those foods and put in the food, and there are some

00:40:34.260 military bases now that are implementing really good, healthy foods.

00:40:37.920 I'm forgetting the doctor's, the chef's name, but Chef Irwin.

00:40:43.100 Now, Chef Irwin is implementing great, tasty, delicious, and healthy non-inflammatory foods

00:40:48.260 in some military bases.

00:40:49.460 But we need to find a way to do it in all if we are going to change their brains so they

00:40:54.580 can change their minds about feeling so depressed so they can stop some of the suicides.

00:41:00.380 I believe those two things, changing the cadence in some way, and helping replace that negative

00:41:06.260 inner critical thinking with positive force thinking, and also reducing inflammation in

00:41:12.600 the brain that is causing depression.

00:41:14.620 Look, when...

00:41:15.820 Inflammation is cancer, pain, brain pain, as you say, all of it.

00:41:22.660 Let me tell you, you know about this story, you know about my life, but in the last hundred

00:41:28.120 weeks, I have been through the worst hell in my life, worse than the Golden Gate Bridge,

00:41:32.600 worse than what happened to me as a baby, arguably.

00:41:36.020 I, in the last hundred weeks, I came down with secondary burns across my entire body from

00:41:41.380 the bottom of my feet to the top of my head.

00:41:45.000 My medications I've been taking for 20 years poisoned my insides.

00:41:51.200 And I was, I was, you could see through me, but you could also see blood and blisters just

00:41:55.440 coming out.

00:41:55.800 It was awful, Glenn, and it felt like needles and knives were coming out of my skin 24 hours

00:42:01.420 a day for 30 of those 100 weeks, 24-7.

00:42:05.340 And I wanted to die, Glenn.

00:42:07.360 I wanted to buckle.

00:42:08.460 I wanted to fold.

00:42:09.360 I wanted to take my life.

00:42:11.060 But I fought it.

00:42:11.900 Every day, I fought it.

00:42:12.780 Every day, my wife saved me every single day.

00:42:14.980 Margaret, I love you.

00:42:16.100 God, I love that woman.

00:42:16.920 And, and, uh, and two, two things happened.

00:42:21.940 Um, they, they, they, they, they reduced the meds, which, which I, I, I have to take a

00:42:29.320 part of these meds because my brain is broken and, and, and, and, and, and, and I, and I,

00:42:33.700 and I take them with accuracy every day, but I had, they reduced them to zero in, in 24

00:42:39.220 hours.

00:42:40.040 Oh my.

00:42:40.860 Which I've been taking them for 20 years.

00:42:43.240 So I had a 23, I had a 24 hour hallucinatory based withdrawal based psychosis from the meds.

00:42:49.560 Oh my gosh.

00:42:50.240 I saw the answers to the universe.

00:42:52.320 I, Gandhi came in front of me.

00:42:53.940 So did the King of Bhutan.

00:42:55.100 So did all of the Jesuses and every ethnicity.

00:42:57.200 It went on for 24, no, I'm sorry.

00:43:00.080 73 hours of this, 48 hours of this, 48, 48 hours of the, of the 73 hour psychosis was just

00:43:08.680 the Aurora Borealis in my room, blackness and just lights more beautiful than the one

00:43:14.480 I saw in Alaska a couple of years ago.

00:43:18.000 And, and then I, and then my wife took care of me and got, and got me to a safe place.

00:43:22.700 And then I healed the burns with a very particular, uh, natural ointment, but also I healed the

00:43:29.260 burns because, because I ran into a, a, what I call a new friend, Max Lugavere, who wrote

00:43:34.220 the book, genius foods about inflammation in the gut and the gut, the foods I was eating

00:43:39.300 was causing inflammation in my brain that was causing my skin to burn.

00:43:43.460 And, and, and it was in mixed with the medication.

00:43:46.280 They said I was on the tipping point of Stevens Johnson's 1% of people who get Stevens Johnson

00:43:52.480 survive.

00:43:53.220 I was already 1% of the Golden Gate Bridge.

00:43:55.300 I wasn't going to do it twice.

00:43:56.640 I fought through the pain, got the Stevens Johnson's is when your skin boils out of

00:44:02.540 you, everything on the inside comes out.

00:44:06.240 There's nothing you can do.

00:44:07.360 You die in agonizing pain.

00:44:09.100 There's no pain med that can stop the pain.

00:44:11.580 You just, you just, you just, it just, everything on the inside comes out.

00:44:16.820 I was on the tipping point, which is why they had to remove the meds in 24 hours.

00:44:21.160 Now I'm not, I'm not suggesting people with medications don't take them.

00:44:24.880 This was a very particular medication.

00:44:27.280 They had to find out which one of the five meds was, was causing this.

00:44:30.440 I take it because, and we, we found it.

00:44:33.440 We, we, we righted the ship.

00:44:34.940 The doctors got involved and I'm lucky that I had that ability.

00:44:37.700 So many do not.

00:44:39.640 And that's another massive problem, which we are not going to solve in this conversation.

00:44:44.640 Nobody is, you know, but it was, it was terrifying and it was the most physical pain I've ever

00:44:48.840 experienced in my life.

00:44:50.100 And everyone kept asking me how I can keep going.

00:44:52.780 And I just said, because I have to, I've gotten this far.

00:44:55.940 If the Golden Gate Bridge wasn't going to kill me, this certainly isn't.

00:44:58.920 And it was a nightmare for my family and my friends.

00:45:01.740 But here we are.

00:45:02.660 And I get to sit next to you.

00:45:03.720 Tell me what happened.

00:45:24.960 We left the story.

00:45:26.320 Yeah.

00:45:26.740 With you under the water.

00:45:29.560 Yeah.

00:45:30.140 Swimming up towards the light.

00:45:31.480 Yeah.

00:45:31.700 And you said, Oh, I'm not going to make it.

00:45:34.760 Yeah.

00:45:35.320 Tell me what happened.

00:45:36.300 Oh, you have to, this is, this is the most beautiful part of it all.

00:45:40.280 Um, I'm bobbing up and down in the water.

00:45:43.540 I cannot stay afloat.

00:45:45.240 As you are falling, you actually look up.

00:45:49.580 Yeah, no, I threw my head back.

00:45:50.780 And you said to God, I said, God, please save me.

00:45:54.160 I don't want to die.

00:45:54.920 I, I, I, I, I, I, so in the four seconds that I was falling, God, please save me.

00:46:00.100 I don't want to die.

00:46:00.620 I made a mistake.

00:46:02.520 No, that's the, that, that I said that in the water.

00:46:04.620 Pardon me.

00:46:05.660 Yeah.

00:46:06.100 Yeah.

00:46:06.340 So, so you hit what?

00:46:09.180 Yeah, no, I know exactly what I said.

00:46:10.220 So, so as I'm falling, I said, what have I just done?

00:46:12.980 I don't want to die.

00:46:13.560 God, please save me.

00:46:14.760 Hit the water.

00:46:16.580 Then you're coming.

00:46:17.640 Then I come up, I'm bobbing up and down in the water and I cannot stay afloat.

00:46:21.840 How cold is the water?

00:46:22.900 What's the temperature?

00:46:23.540 Oh, oh, uh, hypothermic water.

00:46:26.640 If you, if you, if you, I don't know.

00:46:29.340 I don't, I don't, I don't, I know that if you're in that water past 15 minutes, you're

00:46:32.980 going to die.

00:46:33.820 My mother committed suicide in the water and, uh, it was about eight minutes before you,

00:46:40.100 eight minutes.

00:46:40.660 Okay.

00:46:41.020 Yeah.

00:46:41.380 Yeah.

00:46:41.660 And it wasn't the same water.

00:46:42.840 She was a little farther up North.

00:46:44.380 Okay.

00:46:44.700 So, so this was in, in, under the Golden Gate Bridge.

00:46:47.000 If you're, if you're in there 15 minutes or more, you're not going to live.

00:46:49.360 Yeah.

00:46:50.080 So, uh, at that time of the year, it was September 2000.

00:46:52.920 And you know, uh, you can't move your legs.

00:46:57.440 You can't feel your legs.

00:46:58.260 I can't feel my legs.

00:46:59.040 And so, so I'm bobbing down.

00:47:01.340 I'm swallowing salt water.

00:47:02.120 I'm spitting it out.

00:47:02.980 I'm coming up, going down, spitting out.

00:47:04.440 But then I go down and I can't, I can't continue to come back up.

00:47:08.220 I'm getting really tired.

00:47:09.620 Having a violent asthma attack.

00:47:10.960 I've had exercise induced asthma since kindergarten.

00:47:13.320 So I can't, I keep going down further and something happens.

00:47:18.540 Something begins to circle beneath me, something large and very slimy and very, very alive.

00:47:23.900 I remember thinking to myself, you gotta be kidding me.

00:47:27.060 I didn't die off the Golden Gate Bridge and a shark is going to eat me.

00:47:30.640 And I took my right arm, which was wrenched, like, like moving it past here was really painful.

00:47:39.420 And I'm just, I'm just going like this, like, no, don't eat me.

00:47:42.000 Don't eat me.

00:47:42.620 Please don't bite me.

00:47:43.620 But it's not, you know, a shark's hide is tough and like sandpaper.

00:47:47.140 So I didn't know that what I was hitting was very slippery.

00:47:49.440 So it clearly wasn't a shark, but I had no idea.

00:47:51.140 So I'm freaking out and I'm punching this thing, but it won't go away.

00:47:54.500 And it just circles faster and faster, faster and faster.

00:47:58.200 And no longer am I waiting in the water to stay afloat.

00:48:02.040 I'm lying atop on my back being kept afloat by this creature.

00:48:05.880 Thinking to myself, this is one hell of a nice shark.

00:48:07.960 And right then and there, I named him Herbert.

00:48:11.680 And Herbert is right here.

00:48:13.220 This is Herbert.

00:48:14.520 And he was a sea lion.

00:48:15.560 He was a sea lion.

00:48:17.060 And I know he was a sea lion because, uh, because a man named Morgan McWard, who had seen me on TV, had wrote into ABC and he wrote and he said, Kevin, I'm so very glad you're alive.

00:48:30.740 I was standing less than two feet away from you when you jumped.

00:48:33.280 And it's haunted me until this day because no one would tell me whether you lived or died.

00:48:38.500 By the way, Kevin, there was no shark like you mentioned on the show, but there was a sea lion.

00:48:42.920 And the people above looking down believed it to be keeping your body afloat until the Coast Guard boat arrived behind you.

00:48:48.940 I call that a miracle.

00:48:50.860 It's not the only miracle.

00:48:52.280 Nope.

00:48:52.660 There's, there's, there's about three things that came into play that absolutely were game changers.

00:48:57.120 A woman driving by in a red car.

00:48:59.060 At the moment I jumped, she saw me go over the rail and she called her friend in the Coast Guard.

00:49:04.920 The reason the Coast Guard arrived to me before I would sit in hypothermia and drown.

00:49:08.580 Next to that, uh, in the hospital, as I was entering the emergency ward, one of the foremost back surgeons on the West Coast was leaving.

00:49:15.980 He opts to stay, does a surgery on me.

00:49:18.120 It's one of the first of its particular kind.

00:49:19.800 I think it's the only of its particular kind.

00:49:21.120 And I have a 23 staples scar across my left side.

00:49:24.660 And I, I always say, I know how many staples because I asked to pull them out myself as part of my healing.

00:49:30.020 Oh, I just, it was, it was a thing I needed to do.

00:49:33.680 They started pulling them out and I was like, no, no, no, I got this.

00:49:36.860 And oh God, that's not a good feeling.

00:49:38.440 But anyway, so, so I, so I did that.

00:49:42.160 And, um, and, and so many things came into play.

00:49:45.440 And frankly, there's another piece to this that, that I thought of recently that someone said to me, there was a woman before I jumped.

00:49:53.340 There was a woman who approached me with these big sunglasses, like you see on these fashionable ladies.

00:49:57.580 A Russian accent, the way it's written.

00:49:59.180 It kind of sounds like, it sounds like, video, you take my picture.

00:50:02.360 Okay.

00:50:02.720 I'm not going to define what that was, but it was video, you take my picture.

00:50:05.720 And so she approaches blonde, beautiful lady and the sunglasses.

00:50:09.540 And, and I would first think that she's there to help you because we have to paint the scene a bit.

00:50:15.020 Yeah, of course.

00:50:15.560 You get off the bus, you leave your house after rocking back and forth with your dad, you, uh, on the floor, right?

00:50:23.100 You get onto the bus, you're going to the, to the, to the bridge to die.

00:50:27.780 You know what you're going to do.

00:50:28.840 Yeah.

00:50:29.340 And you're hoping that somebody will stop you.

00:50:33.100 Oh, on that bus.

00:50:33.960 I was crying like a baby.

00:50:35.600 I had yelled on that bus, leave me alone.

00:50:38.420 I don't want to die.

00:50:39.160 God, please say, why did you, what?

00:50:40.980 You were saying it out loud.

00:50:41.860 I was saying it out loud, out loud.

00:50:45.020 I don't want to die.

00:50:46.320 I'm a good person.

00:50:47.140 Why do you hate me so much?

00:50:48.460 What did I ever do to you?

00:50:51.020 Allowed.

00:50:52.160 The only person to react aloud was this guy who goes like this, this person on the book.

00:50:56.980 He goes, what the hell's wrong with that kid?

00:50:59.620 To the guy next to him.

00:51:00.480 I think the problem we have in this society, Glenn, is that we live in a society where,

00:51:07.380 uh, we, we have apathy for those who are in pain.

00:51:11.040 That's his or her problem, but it ain't mine.

00:51:13.020 I got stuff to do.

00:51:14.060 I'm a busy person.

00:51:15.180 I got to be somewhere.

00:51:16.780 When we see someone on the street who's visibly in pain, we walk by them.

00:51:21.820 I know that because I've seen it a thousand times.

00:51:24.320 My wife and I don't walk by those people.

00:51:26.220 We walk up to them and say, Hey, pardon me, but you don't look too well.

00:51:30.760 You look like you're really going through something.

00:51:33.020 And they look at you and the reactions you get, like, why do you care?

00:51:37.880 Because I'm human and I do.

00:51:39.860 And you look like you're really hurting.

00:51:41.220 And if you need to talk, I'm going to sit here with you.

00:51:44.780 You wouldn't be surprised at how many people take a seat and just let it out.

00:51:52.420 Um, I was on, uh, I was on a book tour and I had gotten my first real bad death threat

00:52:01.520 and it was from a group and I had to do a multiple city, 26 cities meeting probably about

00:52:08.900 3000 people a day.

00:52:12.480 Um, and, uh, scared out of my mind, scared out of my mind.

00:52:17.160 First time I wore a bulletproof vest and all of these things.

00:52:20.800 Listen, and it, I was on the road for a month and it, it almost broke me.

00:52:25.280 And, um, uh, a friend of mine, a spiritual leader gave me a blessing and gave me a blessing

00:52:34.460 of, of, uh, discernment.

00:52:38.960 It's the greatest thing I've ever been given.

00:52:42.100 Uh, and, and, and it, and it happens when I'm out in crowds, I can see it.

00:52:47.980 Um,

00:52:49.060 I could spend two seconds with someone and look them in the eye, but you have to look

00:52:55.320 them in the eye and you have to be really willing to see what is there and you can see

00:53:03.920 it.

00:53:04.260 And I have so many times stopped a line or something and just said, excuse me, because

00:53:11.140 somebody had walked off, no communication, just hi, how are you?

00:53:16.000 What's your name?

00:53:16.640 Signing the book.

00:53:17.400 They turn around and walk away and I'm overwhelmed with they're in trouble.

00:53:22.380 Yeah.

00:53:23.020 And I've stopped the line several times.

00:53:25.900 This last book tour, I went out, I met three people who came up in line and said, you saved

00:53:31.780 my life, how, I don't even remember what, what happened.

00:53:37.040 They said, you stopped a book line and you came up and hugged me and said, I don't know

00:53:43.080 what's going on in your life, but it's okay.

00:53:46.860 Usually people will cry and it's, and it's bizarre, but they're looking for someone, anyone.

00:53:56.600 And what's remarkable about your story, I think is finish the story about the lady.

00:54:04.440 Bill, you take my picture.

00:54:05.520 Yeah.

00:54:06.020 So, so this is where I, it's part of the miracle too, because had she not stopped me to take

00:54:12.480 her picture five times, she had to do her whole thing for those five minutes, that sea

00:54:20.240 lion, Herbert wouldn't have been in the place it was arguably to save my life.

00:54:26.600 So I look at it, I look at, go ahead.

00:54:29.900 I used to look at it like, why didn't you see my pain?

00:54:33.580 Why didn't you stop?

00:54:34.720 Why didn't you say something nice to me?

00:54:36.820 Why didn't you help me?

00:54:39.300 But then I, I, someone, someone said to me, Kevin, you missed it.

00:54:43.180 She was trying to interact with you.

00:54:45.120 It was probably a language barrier.

00:54:47.060 She was trying to make a connection.

00:54:49.100 You missed it.

00:54:50.140 And I've, I've changed the narrative on that one a little bit.

00:54:52.460 I think, I, I don't know if, I don't know which is accurate, but, or maybe it's both.

00:54:55.840 I will tell you, uh, cause I look at your story.

00:54:58.180 Can I tell the ending of yours?

00:54:59.960 Please.

00:55:00.260 Yeah.

00:55:00.500 Here.

00:55:01.340 Um, God knows you.

00:55:05.760 God knows not just your pain, but he knows who you are now, who you were and who you're

00:55:14.720 going to be.

00:55:15.420 And he is the greatest.

00:55:18.720 He's the greatest at making lemonade out of lemons.

00:55:21.760 You can do anything.

00:55:23.540 And he'd be like, yes, but look what you just made.

00:55:27.900 You know what I mean?

00:55:28.700 You have to embrace it, but you can, he could take anything.

00:55:32.460 The worst that you can do and make it great.

00:55:36.620 So you are saying, God, why do you hate me?

00:55:39.840 Why, why is no one stopping?

00:55:43.100 And you look at that part when they're on the bridge and you and I, cause we're humans,

00:55:48.580 we're like, please, Lord, somebody stop me.

00:55:53.400 He was there with the woman in the car, with the doctor that was getting onto an airplane

00:56:00.220 with the seal.

00:56:01.840 He knew, he knew that there would be people that would be there when you needed it, but

00:56:09.840 jumping off the bridge, I'm not saying you should ever, anyone should ever jump off the

00:56:13.780 bridge, but when it's, when, when you have made such a colossal error, if you survive your

00:56:22.520 stupidity and you allow him, he's already got it all in play.

00:56:29.560 He has it all in play.

00:56:31.840 Does that make sense to you?

00:56:33.460 Of course it does.

00:56:34.760 I have faith.

00:56:36.040 Yeah.

00:56:36.680 I've had it.

00:56:37.180 I've had it my whole life.

00:56:38.900 You know, and I think to address those who do not, we're not putting you down or repressing

00:56:45.640 on you.

00:56:46.380 Just let you know that, that, that it's got your back too.

00:56:50.160 Yeah.

00:56:50.600 You know, it's all of our back, all of our backs, all of our back.

00:56:53.460 Yeah.

00:56:54.020 Yeah.

00:56:55.040 And you are loved and you are beautiful and you are perfect just as you are.

00:56:59.160 And you are all 1000 times greater than the worst thing you've ever done.

00:57:02.040 So when you were on the bus and that guy said, uh, you know, what's wrong with that

00:57:07.980 kid?

00:57:08.560 Yeah.

00:57:08.860 Have you gotten to a place to where you can see his pain?

00:57:14.280 Because he's lying.

00:57:15.740 He was hurting.

00:57:16.280 For some reason.

00:57:16.860 He's, he was hurting.

00:57:18.420 Think about that.

00:57:19.240 Like why, why, why see a kid crying like a baby?

00:57:23.240 What the hell's wrong with that kid?

00:57:24.920 If you're not, if you're not broken too.

00:57:28.700 Yeah.

00:57:28.940 You know, I get that.

00:57:30.720 I totally get that.

00:57:32.160 And I have, I have no ill will toward that, that, you know, not, not, you know, you know,

00:57:36.000 he, uh, I understand that reaction.

00:57:39.040 I've seen it a million times.

00:57:40.920 The, the book is, uh, cracked, not broken.

00:58:01.240 Yeah.

00:58:01.480 Um, and you talk about hearing voices that I don't think people can really relate to

00:58:09.220 most people.

00:58:11.440 And, um, and in the theaters, it was recently, it was a movie called broken and it is, did

00:58:22.280 you see that movie?

00:58:22.980 No, I haven't seen it.

00:58:24.080 Um, it's about, uh, uh, about a guy who hears voices and others.

00:58:32.300 Um, and he calls it the, I think the herd, did the herd, does anybody remember?

00:58:39.680 Um, he calls the people, he doesn't usually come to the surface, the guy.

00:58:45.420 Yeah.

00:58:45.940 Um, but he has had horrible things happen to him in his life.

00:58:48.720 And so he's got all these layers of protection around and they all kind of work to protect

00:58:56.920 him.

00:58:57.220 And, and he's afraid and the herd is afraid of one in described very similar to the voice

00:59:04.720 that you had that is just dark.

00:59:09.280 Like, he hates me.

00:59:12.280 It's a, it's a, it's a pure hate.

00:59:15.840 It's, it's a, you know, it's interesting, uh, Glenn, the, uh, after my skin healed, uh,

00:59:26.240 cause I've been hearing that and I'll be frank with you.

00:59:30.520 I've been hearing for, uh, the better part of 20 years from this voice, Kevin, I'm going

00:59:39.900 to kill you.

00:59:42.180 It's inevitable.

00:59:44.080 It's just a matter of time.

00:59:46.620 I'm going to end you.

00:59:48.120 And there is nothing you can do about it.

00:59:52.240 And that, and I've been fighting that for a long time and I believe I'll always win because

00:59:57.700 I, I have, I have, because of my faith, but because of my family, because of my friends,

01:00:01.400 because of my support network, because of how hard I work for my brain health every day.

01:00:04.620 Is that reason why you took the staples out yourself?

01:00:07.200 Yeah.

01:00:08.540 Yeah.

01:00:08.980 I can do this.

01:00:09.820 Got this.

01:00:10.660 I got this on lockdown.

01:00:12.540 I'm not going to be my end.

01:00:14.380 These hands will not end me.

01:00:15.880 I'll die naturally holding my wife's hand in a hospital setting, like in the film, the

01:00:20.160 notebook I never watched twice or cried during 112, naturally natural causes is how I will

01:00:26.080 go.

01:00:26.680 But, but that voice for the first time ever, I'm, I'm, I was having an emotional breakdown.

01:00:34.620 At a hotel and I had, I had such physical pain from, because it was, it was on and off

01:00:43.360 physical pain, even though the burns were healed, it was on and off such physical pain

01:00:46.060 that I worked out for like six hours straight.

01:00:47.860 I exercised for six hours straight, which is ridiculous, but it's the only thing that

01:00:51.080 made me think of something else besides the pain.

01:00:53.360 And after that ridiculous workout, I came out and I was exhausted and I sat for breakfast

01:00:58.140 because it was breakfast time already.

01:00:59.420 And I looked over and Glenn, I could see me and he looked at me for the first time in

01:01:09.820 almost 20 years.

01:01:11.020 And he goes, Hey man, I'm sorry.

01:01:20.260 I'm never going to kill you.

01:01:22.660 You've been through too much already.

01:01:25.640 I'm done effing with you.

01:01:28.600 It's over.

01:01:31.140 I'm not going to end you.

01:01:32.300 And he went away and I just left, sat there, just like feeling freer than I'd ever felt

01:01:42.740 in my entire life.

01:01:45.460 Feeling like just, just, just, it was all off of me.

01:01:49.940 And, uh, and he hasn't, that was, um, I don't know, only, only, uh, I guess a couple of

01:02:01.100 two, three months ago.

01:02:02.980 And he hasn't, that voice hasn't come back to say what he used to say.

01:02:12.080 That means a lot to me.

01:02:13.980 I bet it does.

01:02:14.940 It's been a long time fighting that voice.

01:02:20.900 So when I say it gets better, Glenn, but only with hard work, because my dad taught

01:02:27.300 me nothing good ever came without it.

01:02:29.280 I know you know about that.

01:02:36.340 Let's talk to two people.

01:02:38.580 Okay.

01:02:38.840 First, talk to directly to somebody who might be struggling right now.

01:02:48.620 Just talk right to them one-on-one what they need to hear.

01:02:55.020 Is there a camera I can look into to see them?

01:02:57.240 Look into that one.

01:03:01.780 Move your hat up so they can see your eyes.

01:03:03.580 Here, here.

01:03:08.840 You are beautiful.

01:03:12.900 If nobody else says it today, we love you.

01:03:18.460 Hope is real.

01:03:21.860 It may not be an action plan, but it is real.

01:03:24.160 It exists.

01:03:25.540 There is light at the end of every tunnel and suicide can never be the answer to your problems.

01:03:29.880 It is the problem.

01:03:30.600 And I believe that if you fight the pain, you will defeat it.

01:03:34.140 I believe in you.

01:03:38.760 And I think that if you are in that place right now where you are desperately considering

01:03:45.680 suicide, I want you to just take a breath.

01:03:49.140 Just take a moment.

01:03:54.080 And take a breath.

01:03:55.240 Take 30 more.

01:03:56.600 There is a technique called 4-8.

01:03:59.340 Inhale 4 seconds through your nose.

01:04:01.400 Exhale 8 seconds through pursed lips like a whistle but no sound.

01:04:06.340 You do that 30 times, you are going to bring your panic to a calm and adrenaline rush to a quell.

01:04:13.320 And you are going to be able to bring yourself to a norm.

01:04:17.180 An even keel.

01:04:17.980 If you take your life, look, we are all going to die.

01:04:24.540 That is inevitable.

01:04:25.980 None of us are going to be immortal.

01:04:27.980 We are all going to die.

01:04:29.780 Give yourself an opportunity for things to change in this life naturally.

01:04:35.920 If you take your life now, you will never know the beauty that you will become.

01:04:42.100 I would never have met the love of my life and my very best friend, Margaret Hines.

01:04:46.180 I would never have had the dog named Max who looked just like my dad.

01:04:50.500 They were twins.

01:04:51.060 He was a Sharpay, all the wrinkles.

01:04:53.560 I would never have become the godfather to two beautiful godchildren.

01:04:57.220 And to be fair, I am only the godfather of one of them.

01:04:58.880 But by proxy, I am making myself the godfather of the other one.

01:05:02.760 I would never have enriched their lives with love and beauty and made their lives better.

01:05:07.680 I would never have been given the gift of a second chance.

01:05:12.300 Please, I beg of you.

01:05:14.000 I beg of you.

01:05:14.780 You don't learn the hard way like I did.

01:05:18.420 Suicide isn't worth it, but life is.

01:05:21.680 And you deserve this life until your natural end.

01:05:26.080 I want you to think about something.

01:05:29.680 Think about all the children who never make it past the womb.

01:05:34.640 30% of every first pregnancy ends in miscarriage.

01:05:38.480 Margaret and I know that pain.

01:05:39.760 Jack Ryan will never be in my arms, our arms.

01:05:46.040 He wasn't meant to be here in physical form.

01:05:49.840 But you all are.

01:05:52.760 For the simple fact that you are looking into my brown eyes, I know you're supposed to be here.

01:05:57.620 Be here tomorrow, and every gosh darn day after that, I'm out of the pain.

01:06:07.220 In spite of the pain, you can survive.

01:06:11.060 And I love you.

01:06:11.920 I wish, every time I tell the story to somebody of the day I decided to live instead of die,

01:06:36.920 I wish I could say, and I got up the next morning, and it was better.

01:06:44.920 But it wasn't.

01:06:52.960 No.

01:06:53.840 It's hard for a long time.

01:06:57.080 It's hard for a long time.

01:07:00.160 One more.

01:07:05.280 People don't understand unless they've lived it.

01:07:11.480 You know, an overdose.

01:07:18.320 How could we have helped that alcoholic?

01:07:20.840 Or how could we have helped that drug addict?

01:07:23.560 Well, were you there?

01:07:24.700 Did you ask, do you need help?

01:07:26.460 Do you want to stop?

01:07:27.600 If you've done that, and they say no, they have to find their bottom.

01:07:35.060 Don't enable them.

01:07:36.640 Don't help them.

01:07:37.580 Don't just be there when they say, I need help.

01:07:42.640 I need out.

01:07:45.840 With depression, I know so many people who have depression, and their parents or their spouse will say,

01:07:53.520 oh, they're just always, I mean, they just get down.

01:07:56.260 And I don't understand.

01:07:57.360 I tell them, just get over it.

01:07:59.600 It's not that.

01:08:01.460 No, it's not that simple.

01:08:03.960 So speak to that person who doesn't understand.

01:08:08.080 Yeah.

01:08:08.840 To the folks that look at you and they go, snap out of it, get over it, move on, pull yourself up by your bootstraps.

01:08:15.000 It's all in your head.

01:08:16.860 Yeah, it's in my head.

01:08:18.600 It's literally my brain.

01:08:19.820 The single most powerful organ you wield, controlling every action and inaction you take, every decision and indecision, connected to every other part of the body.

01:08:30.140 And if your brain is in malfunction with the rest of your system, there goes the rest of it.

01:08:34.380 So to the people that look at the individual in brain pain and say, snap out of it, no, you snap out of it.

01:08:42.920 And recognize that your loved one is going through something very real that is detrimental.

01:08:47.480 And they don't just need a voice that says, hey, come on, it's been, you know, it's been three weeks since you've been depressed.

01:08:54.880 Let's go.

01:08:55.600 Let's get out of that right now.

01:08:56.760 They need a hug.

01:08:58.080 They need you to hold them for 23 seconds a day, which releases oxytocin in the brain, which makes people feel better.

01:09:03.740 They need you to do more.

01:09:06.240 They need you to be better, do better.

01:09:08.660 They need you to research mental, brain, mind, behavioral, spiritual health.

01:09:12.900 And they need you to understand depression so you can help them defeat depression.

01:09:19.680 Do you believe that there is a mind-spirit connection?

01:09:25.460 That there is a, that there are physical things that medicine can only address.

01:09:35.340 And then there is also a component, and they don't always come together, but usually they will come together.

01:09:41.520 Of the spiritual wounds that you had as a child, so that those spiritual wounds, the making fun of, the telling yourself something all the time, that's not necessarily a chemical thing.

01:09:57.600 But you have created it, or it has been created for you, and it works hand in hand.

01:10:04.300 Do you believe in those pieces of it?

01:10:07.480 I believe they can intersect, and they can affect one another, absolutely.

01:10:11.320 Because I'm a very spiritual person.

01:10:13.040 I'm also a very religious person, so I believe that, you know, I have my faith, I have my family, I have my friends.

01:10:20.080 Those are my three F's.

01:10:21.100 Those are what keep me out of trouble, right?

01:10:23.440 My three F's, faith, family, and friends.

01:10:25.420 But the spiritual side of things allows me to tap into something that is stronger than myself that can help me defeat the pain.

01:10:36.780 Does that make sense?

01:10:37.740 Yeah.

01:10:38.700 That's how I see it.

01:10:39.520 All right.

01:10:42.460 So, you weren't sent a Navy SEAL.

01:10:45.360 You were sent a SEAL, a SEAL SEAL or a SEAL lion.

01:10:48.200 SEAL lion, yeah.

01:10:49.200 Those little guys.

01:10:50.660 They're bigger than you think, but.

01:10:52.280 Why?

01:10:53.160 Why?

01:10:54.080 Mm-hmm.

01:10:54.380 Oh.

01:11:00.980 To give me a chance to survive physically,

01:11:07.000 so that I could try, just try to affect the lives of as many human beings as possible

01:11:13.640 for the rest of my natural life.

01:11:15.980 I did an interview three years ago with a guy who was on a bridge in London.

01:11:23.360 I think it was the London Bridge, and he was going to kill himself, throw himself off.

01:11:27.520 He was lucky enough to have a stranger just walk up.

01:11:31.900 All these people, he was crying just like you, all these people walked by him.

01:11:36.540 And one person didn't and said, hey, bud, what's happening?

01:11:43.120 I met him. I flew them both in from London.

01:11:46.240 I met that one. And I said, what made you do it?

01:11:49.340 And he said, I don't know. He said, I'm not I'm not that guy.

01:11:52.240 He said, I just knew he was in trouble.

01:11:55.800 And so he saved him.

01:11:58.280 The guy who was saved went and had the same kind of issues that you have,

01:12:05.360 heard voices since he was little.

01:12:07.000 And no one said, but he said that the guy on the bridge said.

01:12:13.320 It can get better.

01:12:15.220 Was it Neil and Daniel?

01:12:17.340 Neil Laybourne and Daniel.

01:12:19.460 I don't think so.

01:12:21.040 I don't. I don't think so.

01:12:24.120 May have.

01:12:25.000 There was a movie called Fine Mike.

01:12:27.160 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

01:12:29.260 Yeah, they're good friends of my wife and I.

01:12:31.060 I love them.

01:12:31.800 Yes.

01:12:32.220 So we brought them.

01:12:33.740 We brought them here.

01:12:35.300 And.

01:12:37.020 He.

01:12:37.420 He I don't think he had put in to place yet.

01:12:45.000 He knew he was supposed to talk to other people and he was supposed to help.

01:12:48.860 Yeah.

01:12:49.800 But we flew another person in and it was somebody whose life he had saved from hearing him speak about his issue.

01:13:00.680 Just to talk about it.

01:13:01.880 Just to that he was going to kill himself.

01:13:05.340 He saw him online and that online talking about the other guy.

01:13:11.220 What he said.

01:13:11.880 Yes.

01:13:12.180 That's the key.

01:13:13.100 We can do all.

01:13:13.900 We can all do this.

01:13:15.060 Yes.

01:13:15.540 That's the point.

01:13:16.560 Right.

01:13:17.040 And it's crazy that we all we get inside of ourself.

01:13:21.640 Yeah.

01:13:21.920 We're having something happen to us.

01:13:24.440 You didn't say anything for the longest time.

01:13:27.260 You're afraid.

01:13:28.480 It's just me.

01:13:29.740 You're afraid to approach somebody on the bridge.

01:13:33.060 You you're on the bus and you kind of joke it off or play macho because you're uncomfortable with what's happening.

01:13:39.980 Nobody is willing to break out of that bubble.

01:13:42.580 And the ones who break out are they're going to be the ones who break who change the world or at the very least change one life.

01:13:49.860 Yes.

01:13:50.360 For the rest of their life.

01:13:51.440 Change the world.

01:13:52.520 Yes.

01:13:53.140 Yes.

01:13:54.200 Well, think about it like this.

01:13:55.420 Right.

01:13:55.560 So a suicide doesn't doesn't just stop at that generation.

01:13:59.860 It affects every every.

01:14:02.740 So if I'm an uncle, which I am, I'm an uncle and I die by my hands and my nephews grieve me and then they become different people.

01:14:14.860 They take different paths.

01:14:16.860 They take different careers because of what I did.

01:14:21.300 And then their kids take different paths because initially of what I did.

01:14:28.220 And this just goes on forever.

01:14:29.600 And it also I've had two suicides in my family.

01:14:35.300 OK.

01:14:35.820 And so it it also with me, with my mother.

01:14:39.900 Well, that's just I guess that's who we are.

01:14:42.720 Yeah.

01:14:43.040 I mean, I guess that's who we are.

01:14:44.480 I guess that's what you do.

01:14:45.500 I guess I'm I'm destined for this.

01:14:47.980 And so it plays it just plays into that and it changes your tape.

01:14:54.440 Yep.

01:14:54.960 You it then becomes that option.

01:14:57.800 Mom did.

01:14:59.260 Right.

01:14:59.820 Grandpa did it.

01:15:00.860 You know, it becomes an option.

01:15:02.560 And so we have to I'm a firm believer that we have to teach our kids from fourth grade what mental, mind, brain and behavioral health are when they can comprehend the words.

01:15:10.960 Just so they know that by the time they hit 16 and there's a potential reality for it to be diagnosed, that they know what to do, who to talk to and that we got their back, that that that that that personal support network is there and that you're not going to be alone in this fight and that we are going to support you.

01:15:30.500 Empathetically with an entire lack of judgment.

01:15:32.920 I am one of the worst people I've riddled with ADD and I'm one of the worst people to sit my my my wife is the exact opposite of me.

01:15:43.940 Thank God.

01:15:44.660 She is quiet and gentle and peaceful and solid.

01:15:50.160 And so when we are having an argument.

01:15:54.600 It is.

01:15:57.540 Well.

01:15:59.180 Let me think.

01:16:00.400 Oh, God drives me out of my mind because it takes forever.

01:16:04.600 It takes forever.

01:16:05.440 But it is so important in this particular problem.

01:16:13.860 That you do just sit and shut up because the person who is struggling is what you wanted to tell your dad.

01:16:30.400 If he would have said, I love you, too, but.

01:16:38.940 Here, sit down.

01:16:42.120 Lay down in bed with me.

01:16:45.140 Would you have had the same day?

01:16:47.780 I can't answer that question.

01:16:49.240 I have no idea.

01:16:51.060 You know, it's I look at it like it's no fault of his own.

01:16:53.980 I'm not saying that.

01:16:54.800 No, I know you.

01:16:55.440 I know you were.

01:16:56.020 I know you weren't.

01:16:56.600 I know I claim, but I look at that and I think, you know, had had he said.

01:17:02.560 Had he said, what are you thinking right now?

01:17:06.360 I think it would have been a different day.

01:17:07.860 What was the first thing he said as he had a secretary drive?

01:17:14.140 The his car.

01:17:14.960 Yeah, he couldn't.

01:17:15.620 He couldn't.

01:17:16.600 Yeah.

01:17:17.080 So.

01:17:18.680 He got the phone call at the from the hospital.

01:17:22.120 And the they were so callous.

01:17:27.580 They were just like, Mr.

01:17:28.560 Hines.

01:17:29.280 Yes.

01:17:29.900 Your son jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge.

01:17:33.520 He took a breath, sat down.

01:17:35.000 He goes, is my son alive?

01:17:38.180 Thinking he has a fourth generation San Franciscan that he knew the answer that I was going on.

01:17:41.860 And she says, yes.

01:17:45.780 And his immediate reaction as a pessimist was, no, he's not.

01:17:48.440 You're just saying that to get me to ID the body at the morgue safely.

01:17:51.440 And he calls the secretary, Rachel, and says, Rachel, my son has just jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge.

01:18:00.860 I need you to ride in the passenger seat of the car.

01:18:04.720 Because if you don't, I will drive off of a cliff.

01:18:08.460 And he didn't mean die by suicide.

01:18:09.980 He just meant that if he didn't have someone sitting there to protect, he wouldn't be able to see straight to get to the hospital.

01:18:16.060 And he was the first person there.

01:18:19.120 Because he speeds.

01:18:20.560 And he gets there.

01:18:22.340 And he walks in to my room.

01:18:25.060 I'll never forget.

01:18:25.660 I looked up at my dad.

01:18:27.780 And he looks down at me.

01:18:30.080 And this is a man who in 19 years, I'd never seen a tear run down his eyes.

01:18:34.900 Not one.

01:18:35.920 In pain and death in the family, nothing.

01:18:37.700 And he looks down at me.

01:18:40.620 And waterfalls just flow from his eyes.

01:18:42.720 And he comes over.

01:18:44.060 And he puts his hand on my forehead.

01:18:46.220 And he says, Kevin, you are going to be okay.

01:18:50.340 I promise.

01:18:52.780 And I never held words closer to my chest ever before.

01:18:57.720 I just held him.

01:19:02.180 Okay, dad says I'm going to be okay.

01:19:03.980 I got this.

01:19:05.360 I can do this.

01:19:06.820 Just the getting out of the bracing structure.

01:19:09.540 You know, the surgery.

01:19:10.680 The being in the hospital.

01:19:12.740 The going to the psych ward afterwards.

01:19:14.260 The walking with the back brace.

01:19:15.240 And it came for however long.

01:19:16.760 You know, I got this.

01:19:18.400 I can do this.

01:19:19.000 I can survive this pain.

01:19:20.080 And, you know, Glenn, I think I learned another thing after all this, after the miracles and the getting to be here and the fighting all of the different kinds of pain in my life continuing until today just like you do.

01:19:38.260 I think I learned, at least this is how I feel.

01:19:40.480 I'm not trying to push this on anybody.

01:19:41.660 But I believe after my skin disease issues that pain is inevitable.

01:19:48.660 But suffering is optional.

01:19:50.720 We choose to suffer or we choose to thrive.

01:19:54.060 Damn it, I'm going to thrive every day.

01:19:55.980 I'm going to fight for what's right.

01:19:57.640 For good causes.

01:19:59.160 I'm going to be good, kind, and compassionate, loving, and caring, empathetic, and nonjudgmental to every person I come into contact with that I possibly can.

01:20:05.360 I'm going to get irritated with some people.

01:20:06.740 That's, you know, you can't get around that, you know, especially in airports.

01:20:13.860 No, but you got to try to give back to every person you can, every time you can, because you never know what they're going through.

01:20:23.920 And behaviors are learned.

01:20:26.140 Nobody is born hating somebody else.

01:20:29.220 They're taught to hate.

01:20:30.220 I choose to love everybody, every time, and to have empathy for all, not just some.

01:20:37.040 Because I think that it's too easy for us to be angry at different kinds of people.

01:20:45.120 I think we need to be kind to everybody, no matter what their views are, their socioeconomic background, their political affiliations are none.

01:20:55.640 Their religious affiliation are none.

01:20:57.240 I think we have to be kind to people at a base level, because we don't truly know where they came from and who taught them what they taught them.

01:21:08.120 So let's just wrap each other around in some love and recognize that maybe hope isn't the answer, but it's a darn good start.

01:21:16.200 I don't think I've ever ended a podcast with this.

01:21:20.140 But I love you, Kevin.

01:21:21.180 I love you too, Glenn Beck.

01:21:22.920 So great.

01:21:23.960 I love you too.

01:21:24.840 God bless you.

01:21:25.980 You too, buddy.

01:21:32.460 Just a reminder, I'd love you to rate and subscribe to the podcast and pass this on to a friend so it can be discovered by other people.

01:21:46.200 tons.

01:21:50.920 From what?

01:21:52.300 Me.

01:21:52.920 Got to.

01:21:54.600 And I love you too, Glenn.

01:21:56.800 I love you too, enjoy.

01:21:58.860 I love you too, Glenn.

01:22:02.540 I love you too.

01:22:03.120 I love you too, Glenn.

01:22:04.040 I love you too.

01:22:05.020 I love you too.

01:22:05.140 I love you too, Glenn Beck.

01:22:06.660 I love you too.

01:22:07.960 I love you too, Glenn Beck.

01:22:09.980 自然 fungi specifically on a girlfriend.

01:22:11.080 I love you too, Glenn Beck.

01:22:12.100 I love you too.

01:22:13.360 I love you too.

01:22:14.120 I love you too, Glenn Beck.

01:22:14.800 I love you too, Glenn Beck.

The Glenn Beck Program - March 23, 2019

Ep 29 ｜ Kevin Hines ｜ The Glenn Beck Podcast

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