The Glenn Beck Program - Ep 39 ｜ Bridget Phetasy ｜ The Glenn Beck Podcast

00:00:00.140 Today's podcast guest is somebody who is going to make you, I think, belly laugh, made me belly laugh.

00:00:06.760 She's naturally funny. She's naturally warm. And she is uncommonly frank.

00:00:13.320 She has not had an easy life, but her perspective is phenomenal.

00:00:19.940 I don't think we agree on very much. She has always been liberal,

00:00:24.660 but now she finds herself outside of the liberal circle because she's sobered up.

00:00:29.640 And she was like, yeah, now that I see things clearly, I'm not so sure.

00:00:33.520 But she doesn't know she's a conservative either.

00:00:36.120 What she is, is real and real funny.

00:00:52.520 I saw you on the Rubin Report.

00:00:54.460 Oh, OK.

00:00:55.620 I love Dave.

00:00:56.780 I love Dave, too.

00:00:57.560 Yeah. And you said that a friend of yours wigged out because you were coming here.

00:01:05.520 Oh, yeah. Wigged out. 0.76

00:01:07.720 Like, what does that mean?

00:01:10.940 I mean, do you really want to know all the things I've been told in advance?

00:01:14.300 Yeah. So you've been told by more than one person.

00:01:16.460 Well, I just I didn't really I don't I've stopped telling people that I'm what I'm doing in advance because the the pre backlash and Dave and I talked about this on the podcast about how I'm doing this article about self-censorship.

00:01:29.180 And then everybody tried to tell me not to do the article.

00:01:32.460 So I just don't even need to hear everyone's opinions.

00:01:36.140 I feel comfortable in my path and what I'm doing.

00:01:39.920 And I love having conversations with anyone.

00:01:43.200 And yeah, somebody the other night I did a podcast and we were chatting afterwards.

00:01:48.380 And I'm like, why are you going to Dallas?

00:01:49.560 And I said, I'm going to do Glenn Beck's podcast.

00:01:52.320 And he said, you realize that you are talking to somebody who's the epitome of evil, right?

00:02:01.140 Like, this is a fact.

00:02:03.020 Wow.

00:02:03.940 Not not as if not as if it's like up for debate.

00:02:07.840 It was a dead fact.

00:02:09.880 And it's hard for me to even take anyone seriously who views the world like that because you're flattening everything and everyone and all the shades of gray are gone.

00:02:20.820 Now it's just good.

00:02:22.400 And I was just talking to one of your producers before this about the night being in L.A. and the election.

00:02:27.880 And the night before I was in a yoga class and my yoga instructor was like, I can't teach.

00:02:33.460 She was walking around.

00:02:34.680 I can't I can't relax.

00:02:36.480 I can't teach.

00:02:37.420 And she said, I feel like this is the battle between good against evil.

00:02:43.140 I'm like, just teach the yoga class, lady. 0.99

00:02:45.400 Like, isn't yoga supposed to be against, you know, like help us with this?

00:02:50.820 Help us in these.

00:02:51.700 Yoga should help you.

00:02:53.060 Yeah, it should.

00:02:54.560 Well, here I am.

00:02:57.180 I am thrilled to have you.

00:03:00.440 I've read your writing and I think you're brilliant.

00:03:03.720 Thank you.

00:03:04.200 Brilliant writer.

00:03:05.320 I have a hard time accepting compliments, but it's.

00:03:08.320 I mean, I think you're, you know, an Ernest Hemingway.

00:03:12.680 OK, thank you.

00:03:13.640 No, seriously, because you have a lot in common with him in some ways, you know, you are brutally

00:03:20.260 honest.

00:03:20.960 I think that's what makes you.

00:03:25.340 Refreshing.

00:03:26.040 It's not your writing.

00:03:27.720 Your writing is beautiful.

00:03:29.300 Thank you.

00:03:29.740 But your your attitude is like.

00:03:34.040 It's like you're in a desert and it's a drink of water.

00:03:37.940 You know what I mean?

00:03:38.460 It's just a big glass of water with a sign that says there's more here.

00:03:42.180 Yeah.

00:03:42.600 But you are you're just willing to put literally everything out.

00:03:48.280 Yeah.

00:03:48.720 I mean, what's the point of going through any of it if I can't help other people or help?

00:03:54.040 That was something I learned even writing at Playboy.

00:03:56.180 But what's interesting, again, is that when I was speaking to somebody about this just

00:04:00.820 yesterday, I've become a firebrand for being like saying what people think or being, you

00:04:08.920 know, reasonable.

00:04:09.980 That seems that's not it shouldn't be controversial.

00:04:13.380 I said this on Dave.

00:04:14.440 It shouldn't be controversial that somebody is looking at both sides, evaluating them and 0.94

00:04:19.660 saying, OK, here's where you're crazy. 0.99

00:04:21.460 Here's where you're crazy. 0.99

00:04:22.380 I agree with some of what you're saying. 0.80

00:04:23.720 And I that's the way this is supposed to work.

00:04:26.220 It's not supposed to be Game of Thrones.

00:04:28.980 So conservatives.

00:04:31.960 What do you think a conservative is?

00:04:34.200 Well, this is something that's interesting because I don't know.

00:04:40.100 I don't either.

00:04:41.120 I mean, I really don't.

00:04:42.040 I don't know anymore.

00:04:43.140 And I don't know when I kind of stumbled.

00:04:46.960 And this is the book I'd like to write is how I ended up going from basically getting

00:04:53.440 sober.

00:04:54.360 And they say when you get sober, you aren't going to recognize who you are.

00:04:58.080 And I'm like, I'm a conservative.

00:05:01.940 Now I really need to drink.

00:05:03.800 Didn't see that one coming.

00:05:06.000 Light years away.

00:05:08.060 And writing for Playboy.

00:05:10.680 And then here, you know, if there's and I was joking today with my friend, if there's

00:05:14.920 any evidence of a simulation, it is this interaction right now.

00:05:19.780 This moment is evidence.

00:05:21.120 You would never have.

00:05:22.460 You would have never pictured yourself here.

00:05:24.440 No.

00:05:24.660 If someone had told me five and a half years ago, like, you're going to get sober.

00:05:28.360 And in five and a half years, you're going to be on Glenn Beck.

00:05:30.560 I'm like, give me whatever drugs you're on.

00:05:33.120 I need them now. 0.95

00:05:34.140 It's just not, it wasn't, and it wasn't like, what I've realized is really how ignorant 0.80

00:05:41.760 I am. 0.99

00:05:42.480 And I've been kind of joking about how I'm the moron majority. 0.96

00:05:47.980 I was, and I, I mean that lovingly, but most I was working and just trying to get by and 0.96

00:05:56.540 waitressing and wanted to be a writer, by the way, maybe like drunk for 20 years and

00:06:00.840 had my head down.

00:06:01.880 And then suddenly I started, I got sober, started writing, which was always my dream.

00:06:07.960 And then, and then the election happened.

00:06:10.040 And suddenly I'm in the, like caught in the crossfire of these culture wars.

00:06:14.380 I'm like, did I even know what it meant to be a Democrat?

00:06:17.720 Did I even know what it meant to do?

00:06:20.560 I don't know anything about, I just know that, um, I sobered up at 30 and I realized 0.99

00:06:26.620 I'm a moron. 0.96

00:06:28.580 That's, that's really, that's really the moment you're catching me at. 0.99

00:06:32.860 And it's around that time.

00:06:34.700 I think they say too, around five years where you pull your, your, your head out of your 0.98

00:06:38.340 bum. 0.93

00:06:38.600 And so I, I definitely don't feel, I feel out of my depth most of the time.

00:06:45.140 I feel.

00:06:46.260 You will remember this.

00:06:47.720 As the best time of your life.

00:06:49.700 Cause you are, you are at a, such a steep learning curve where you're just questioning

00:06:55.080 everything where you're like, cause I, I took everything out of me.

00:06:59.180 Cause I was like, I don't know anything.

00:07:00.920 I know what people told me, but I didn't learn any of this on my own.

00:07:05.520 So I took everything out of me and I couldn't afford to go to college.

00:07:09.360 I went one semester.

00:07:10.780 That's me.

00:07:11.420 Yeah.

00:07:11.700 So I went to the library and to the bookstore and I got all the books of the people I think

00:07:16.620 would hate each other.

00:07:17.800 Oh, and I would, this is what I'm doing right now.

00:07:20.680 Is it?

00:07:21.040 Yeah.

00:07:21.920 And you're like, if I could, if I could just get these two to argue, you know, and see

00:07:26.700 if there's any intersection.

00:07:28.580 Cause where it intersects, that's universal truth.

00:07:32.300 Right.

00:07:32.700 You know what I mean?

00:07:33.160 Where they agree.

00:07:34.760 Okay.

00:07:35.180 We know that's true.

00:07:36.360 Cause these guys don't agree on anything.

00:07:37.960 Right.

00:07:38.520 And, and I started putting it all back in and it's hard.

00:07:42.440 Right.

00:07:42.760 It's hard because you're like, I remember so many times going, I don't know, I don't

00:07:48.180 want to be, I'm right.

00:07:50.200 I'm a Mormon.

00:07:51.620 Right.

00:07:52.280 I didn't grow up a Mormon.

00:07:53.760 I chose to be a Mormon.

00:07:56.160 Nobody chooses that.

00:07:57.620 Nobody's like, Hey, I want to be a pariah and a weirdo.

00:08:01.380 I didn't know.

00:08:02.420 That's the last thing.

00:08:03.440 And I remember going, Oh my God.

00:08:06.660 Yeah.

00:08:07.360 And, but that's good.

00:08:08.620 It is.

00:08:09.120 It is.

00:08:09.540 It's, it's being, I said yesterday, I feel like I'm playing a

00:08:12.740 giant high stakes game of improv where it's like, yes.

00:08:16.340 And now I'll go on Glenn Beck and yes.

00:08:18.320 And why not?

00:08:19.380 I mean, it's, it, and, but it's invigorating.

00:08:22.220 But you're not, but you're not just, you know, there, there's a part of Ernest Hemingway

00:08:30.940 that is reckless.

00:08:33.640 Um, and I don't, I don't think you're reckless.

00:08:38.560 I don't think you're just like, I'll get into the world.

00:08:41.180 No, no.

00:08:42.100 Yeah.

00:08:42.300 I, because I deeply care about humanity.

00:08:44.920 And so I think the fear is when I get the nonstop, uh, backlash of how much water I'm

00:08:52.580 carrying for Nazis, there is the, you know, self, the self, it's a lot of water. 0.51

00:08:58.900 I know.

00:08:59.340 No, I know.

00:08:59.900 I got, I got the, uh, defender of Israel award from Benjamin Netanyahu.

00:09:07.040 Okay.

00:09:07.480 He presents it at the same time.

00:09:10.700 I'm being called a Nazi.

00:09:12.100 I'm like, I don't, this happens a lot.

00:09:15.660 This happens a lot.

00:09:16.760 I find myself too, just being in that space, um, taking hits on behalf of no one really,

00:09:23.700 but I'll be getting called a Nazi on the left and getting attacked by the outright.

00:09:28.340 And that's always a weird thing where I'm, I'm like, can you tell the outright that I'd

00:09:40.120 appreciate that if they had that memo.

00:09:42.360 Aren't they in some ways, I think they're the same coin.

00:09:46.520 They're, they're both big statist, my way or the highway, you know, bullies. 0.98

00:09:52.920 Bullies. 0.77

00:09:53.280 And the, the, again, the openness to have your mind change to change.

00:09:59.640 I think that that's, uh, I've had to reinvent myself so many times in my life.

00:10:06.140 It doesn't scare me to be open to the fact that I don't know anything.

00:10:11.980 I don't know anything, anything.

00:10:15.100 And it is embarrassing. 0.97

00:10:17.160 Part of it is embarrassing at how ignorant I am. 0.97

00:10:20.020 It's so embarrassing. 0.93

00:10:21.140 I mean, no, no, no, it's not, it's, it's very humbling.

00:10:24.380 Yes.

00:10:25.120 That is the point.

00:10:26.780 We are, you know, most of my problems when I was at Fox, almost every mistake I ever made

00:10:34.140 was because I was certain.

00:10:37.120 The one thing I'm certain of now, I'm not certain of anything.

00:10:40.460 Right.

00:10:40.740 I don't know anything.

00:10:41.700 And the, the more you realize, I, I, I don't really know the, the more humble you get and

00:10:51.780 the more willing you're able to, if, if I don't sit with somebody I vehemently disagree

00:10:56.700 with.

00:10:57.100 And I think as an honest broker, there's a difference between, you know, there's those

00:11:01.300 people who are not honest brokers and right, but people who are honest brokers, people

00:11:06.000 who are, I am absolutely willing to change my mind.

00:11:10.480 If you can present the facts, you know, and you show me, okay, look, this and this and

00:11:18.120 this, this is what it's saying.

00:11:20.460 Now we don't know for sure.

00:11:22.040 Great.

00:11:22.760 But you show me the facts I'll debate and I'm willing to change.

00:11:27.220 If I'm wrong, I want to be, a lot of times I want to be wrong.

00:11:30.820 Right.

00:11:31.080 Although it's sometimes hard to prove a negative.

00:11:33.560 So that is where I have to watch myself because I'm, I, I'm bad at a lot of this, you know,

00:11:40.820 proven negative, like coming from a place of, um, well, we're not sure you can speculate,

00:11:48.060 but then there's what I see too, is sometimes it's like speculating and then it drifts into

00:11:54.600 like conspiracy theorizing.

00:11:56.920 And again, I see this, see this like on everywhere, essentially.

00:12:01.480 So I, I, and I have to watch myself that I'm, I'm very easily, I always come from a place

00:12:09.660 of like, well, I don't know, anything could be true, but yeah, no, I don't mean that.

00:12:14.060 I mean, because look, I'm willing to look for answers.

00:12:19.760 Right.

00:12:20.060 And if there is an answer and you can show it to me and I have a different opinion, okay,

00:12:26.460 well, there's the answer and I see it.

00:12:29.260 I see how it works.

00:12:30.320 Okay.

00:12:30.780 Got it.

00:12:31.340 Now I'm a denier.

00:12:32.840 If I, if I deny that.

00:12:34.980 Right.

00:12:35.800 However, um, when there isn't an answer, then we both have to agree.

00:12:41.620 You have an opinion.

00:12:42.880 Right.

00:12:43.120 I have an opinion and we're going to have to work through that.

00:12:46.320 Right.

00:12:46.500 And I shouldn't shut you up and you shouldn't shut me up.

00:12:49.060 Right.

00:12:49.380 Because it could go either way.

00:12:51.900 We don't know.

00:12:52.980 I just, it's so interesting to me that people don't want to talk.

00:13:01.060 There are people who are untouchables.

00:13:03.720 You may be one of them where, for instance, you know, welcome to my colony is this kind

00:13:10.560 of idea that you just, if you go the guilt by association.

00:13:14.620 And this is what I personally, what happens when you're in this space of, I don't know.

00:13:21.480 Okay.

00:13:21.840 Well, what do, what are my values?

00:13:24.160 This is what are my values?

00:13:26.200 You know, I, I feel like somebody like Ben Shapiro actually has been very inspirational

00:13:31.720 to me and someone who, although we may not agree on everything, he is very value based

00:13:37.940 and he has made me kind of step back and say, what are my values?

00:13:43.220 I don't, I, I really value free speech.

00:13:47.020 I was saying this to Dave Rubin, you know, when I went off Twitter for 40 days, it gave

00:13:51.900 me the ability to step back and look at all of these little micro arguments that we get

00:13:57.200 into and the little, and it's hard.

00:13:59.320 I mean, I, I, I engage, I partake, I can't help it.

00:14:03.640 The trickster in me, the, the comedian in me, the part of me that likes to get a rise out

00:14:09.280 of people.

00:14:10.220 We're not, we're not supposed to know so many people.

00:14:13.560 No, we're not.

00:14:14.240 We're not, we're not, we're not capable.

00:14:16.880 We're, we're supposed to know, you know, Bob, the neighbor on the street who I wave to as

00:14:24.660 I'm driving by and he's watering his lawn.

00:14:26.720 That's all I know about Bob.

00:14:28.420 That's all I need to know about Bob and we can all get along. 1.00

00:14:31.700 We are, we, we, we're being exposed to all of these people and some of them are dumb as 1.00

00:14:40.980 a box of rocks. 1.00

00:14:42.100 Some of them are, you know, it's immersion therapy.

00:14:45.680 You know, we would, we would dismiss them.

00:14:49.440 We would know, we would have two conversations with them, one in the convenience store and

00:14:53.680 we would be like, okay, honey, I just saw Bob in the convenience store.

00:14:57.520 I talked to him for two minutes.

00:14:58.920 Don't wave at him anymore.

00:15:00.880 And then it would be over.

00:15:02.300 We're engaging with these people all the time.

00:15:04.540 Like it matters and it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't.

00:15:07.960 And yet here we are.

00:15:09.560 It's the culture wars are so weird because I, again, and this was something that I was saying

00:15:15.300 on Ruben and that I have to ask myself is what is, you know, what, how am I, how am I maybe

00:15:21.820 making this worse?

00:15:24.560 There is a part of me that, and it, again, it's the, the part of me that is like South

00:15:31.080 Parkian in my philosophy.

00:15:33.480 Um, I, I can't help, but think everything is hilarious on, it's another one of my values

00:15:39.500 is comedy.

00:15:40.160 It just is a value of mine.

00:15:42.180 I've realized that.

00:15:42.960 And free speech and comedy are so, you know, they're, yeah, they're necessary and they're

00:15:48.060 necessary for people.

00:15:49.680 You need to be able to laugh at your pain.

00:15:52.420 You need to be able to laugh at things that are taboo.

00:15:54.640 You, you, you have to, you need that release.

00:15:57.860 It's why dictators don't allow laughter about them because you can belittle it and you can

00:16:05.120 move past it.

00:16:06.480 Right.

00:16:07.080 I mean, one of the things that I've noticed, and I was just saying this is, uh, you have

00:16:11.180 to kind of own people in my space, whatever space that is.

00:16:15.380 I would say James Lindsay is a good example.

00:16:17.500 Um, the IDW or whatever, uh, any, anyone who's willing to have conversations with the

00:16:24.580 access of evil, um, we are often labeled as grifters, which I feel like is a very convenient 1.00

00:16:34.380 way to try and demonize people who are willing to have conversations with people that they

00:16:40.940 might not see eye to eye on every single issue with.

00:16:43.740 And I just kind of embrace it.

00:16:45.880 I'm like, yeah, I guess I'm a grifter now.

00:16:48.280 I just had Peter and James here.

00:16:51.400 Oh, I love them.

00:16:52.200 I love them.

00:16:53.000 They're brilliant.

00:16:53.740 James was on my podcast and he is.

00:16:55.920 I love these guys.

00:16:56.760 Love them.

00:16:57.700 Peter's sitting there and he says about 40 minutes in, I have been trying to find things

00:17:03.440 I disagree with you and I can't.

00:17:05.980 And it's, it, we are so close to each other.

00:17:10.720 Right.

00:17:11.020 We've let these, we've let these lies or these little slivers of us on the edge, um, allow

00:17:20.620 them to be our entire character.

00:17:23.240 It's like, it's the flattening.

00:17:24.700 That's what I call it.

00:17:25.620 It's like, everything is just flat.

00:17:27.340 We are just flattening people.

00:17:28.780 We're flattening words.

00:17:29.920 Words are losing meaning.

00:17:30.920 Like Nazis, for example, we're laughing about. 0.88

00:17:33.400 We probably, we should be laughing, but we shouldn't.

00:17:35.960 You know, it's, it's one of those things.

00:17:37.580 Kate Smith, Kate Smith did a song, uh, and the Yankees and the, what was it?

00:17:44.020 The Flyers, uh, uh, take her statue down. 0.98

00:17:48.800 You know, she's Kate Smith, you know, God bless America. 0.91

00:17:51.180 Right.

00:17:51.320 Right.

00:17:51.620 She's been dead for like 50 years.

00:17:54.540 She did a song in 1931 that is called why darkies are born.

00:18:00.260 Okay.

00:18:00.880 And you hear that and you're like, right.

00:18:02.820 Oh my gosh.

00:18:04.120 I can't believe.

00:18:05.120 Why are we canceling dead people?

00:18:07.080 They're already canceled.

00:18:08.420 But here's the crazy thing.

00:18:10.440 That song was written for a Broadway show mocking.

00:18:15.400 Right. 0.94

00:18:16.100 Um, a white supremacist. 0.97

00:18:18.000 Right.

00:18:18.280 So it was a song.

00:18:20.080 It was, it was springtime for Hitler. 0.98

00:18:23.040 We've got to, we're going to, Mel Brooks is in trouble, man.

00:18:26.240 Oh man.

00:18:27.140 He's in trouble.

00:18:28.140 He's in trouble.

00:18:29.140 Everyone's in trouble.

00:18:29.960 Any, everyone is in danger of getting canceled.

00:18:33.420 And that is the interesting thing that I feel like, you know, when it is serious to

00:18:39.560 me, when I do say, well, what is my role in this?

00:18:42.440 What, uh, how can I help in the conversation and how am I hurting it?

00:18:48.200 And, um, it's a fine line.

00:18:50.240 It is a fine line because I feel like I have to push the edge in order to get people to

00:18:56.740 feel liberated to talk about things.

00:18:59.000 I love you.

00:19:00.020 I love you.

00:19:01.220 They wouldn't normally talk about it.

00:19:04.020 They would just, even with the, I feel like we've been living under mob law since like

00:19:08.080 2013.

00:19:09.180 And I mean that by social media mob and people always say, well, free speech.

00:19:13.740 You can, you know, they're not going to come arrest you.

00:19:15.680 No.

00:19:16.340 But when you take someone in America's livelihood away, you might as well break their kneecaps.

00:19:21.600 Like, I will tell you that mob law has been around longer.

00:19:24.180 Well, no, no, no.

00:19:25.180 But I mean, in terms of that, the mobbing, I feel like where we're seeing, I say 2013

00:19:30.960 just because that was when I really, that was the Justine Sacco, the girl who got on

00:19:35.200 the plane, made the joke and landed and her life was ruined.

00:19:37.660 And I was like, this is really bad, guys.

00:19:40.280 Yes.

00:19:40.620 This behavior is terrifying.

00:19:43.040 What's, what's, what's horrible is we're entering a new phase.

00:19:49.480 I mean, you know, the mobs have been destroying and smearing people forever.

00:19:56.100 Right.

00:19:56.280 I mean, both sides.

00:19:57.000 Of course.

00:19:57.740 Of course.

00:19:58.440 Okay.

00:19:59.320 I just only noticed it in 2015.

00:20:00.980 Yeah, no, I know.

00:20:02.820 But, but when it, when it, when it turns like it did starting in 2013 to where it's anyone,

00:20:13.440 like I, when I was at Fox, oh my gosh, I, it was crazy, but it's part of my job.

00:20:20.800 Right.

00:20:21.020 And I'm, it was just like you, I have to do comedy and I have to shake the tree to get

00:20:28.360 people to listen to an hour monologue about Woodrow Wilson.

00:20:32.840 Right.

00:20:33.280 How do you make that number one on television at five o'clock in the afternoon?

00:20:37.260 Right.

00:20:37.640 You don't.

00:20:38.760 Okay.

00:20:39.000 So you have to, you have to, you shake the tree.

00:20:43.020 And so there's that balance and you'll always get some of it wrong.

00:20:47.360 You always will get some of it wrong.

00:20:48.920 Um, however, when they start coming after you, um, and they, they're, they're not just

00:20:58.260 coming after you and destroying you, they are now coming after you, destroying you and

00:21:03.180 erasing you.

00:21:04.340 Right.

00:21:04.660 Right.

00:21:05.300 You're being erased.

00:21:07.020 Right.

00:21:07.480 Okay.

00:21:07.680 If they can't, if they don't need to replace your image with that cartoon of a, of a propaganda

00:21:15.060 monster, then what they do is they just erase you, your stuff, trying to find your writing

00:21:22.340 from Playboy.

00:21:23.080 It's gone.

00:21:23.860 Gone.

00:21:24.400 And it's gone.

00:21:25.320 Um, and that is apparently, you know, because they switched servers and perhaps they were

00:21:32.340 trying to, um, rebrand or pivot and they just wiped the slate clean, which I can, because

00:21:40.360 it's not just me.

00:21:41.340 I mean, uh, Kevin Williamson.

00:21:43.480 Yeah.

00:21:43.840 What a surprise.

00:21:44.620 But I think even, I think even my friend, um, my friend Zarin, he's a great writer.

00:21:49.480 I, I believe his stuff is down.

00:21:51.140 So I don't want to say it's only.

00:21:53.100 So let's not talk about Playboy.

00:21:54.560 Let's just, you are.

00:21:57.180 But it is gone.

00:21:58.440 It is gone.

00:21:59.260 And I did get unceremoniously dumped with no advance notice.

00:22:02.680 That is the truth.

00:22:05.260 We are, we are developing a world of, we're book burning.

00:22:10.820 I know.

00:22:11.320 We're not even book burning though.

00:22:13.260 What's interesting is the recent thing of going after the girl who they canceled and then

00:22:19.060 they had her retract her, her, her book before it even got published. 0.99

00:22:24.420 Can't burn, can't burn a book if it's never been published.

00:22:27.160 Right.

00:22:27.340 It's like pre book burning.

00:22:28.960 Right.

00:22:29.120 And it's just removing books and things and ideas and people just gone.

00:22:35.440 Right.

00:22:36.180 But then also we're building ghetto walls.

00:22:39.060 They're digital ghettos.

00:22:41.180 You can talk all you want, say whatever you want, but that digital wall is here.

00:22:47.000 We're not going to let anybody hear you.

00:22:49.460 So you're still there.

00:22:51.020 You're still doing your thing, but you can't make any money.

00:22:53.860 You can't make any impact.

00:22:55.180 In fact, you can't do anything because they've just said, no, you Jews are fine.

00:23:00.740 You can just live here in this little area and we're just going to put a big wall around

00:23:04.780 you.

00:23:05.120 And it's frightening because people, if we were building actual walls, people would say, no.

00:23:14.940 If we were actually removing people from society, we would say, no.

00:23:20.820 Right.

00:23:21.140 If we would actually burn books, they'd say no.

00:23:24.860 But it's all virtual.

00:23:26.860 Interesting.

00:23:28.360 Interesting.

00:23:29.440 It is.

00:23:30.080 It's a weird, that is the weird part of being in the space that I see that it gives the

00:23:42.520 people more attention.

00:23:45.380 So the people that they're maybe building walls around, they still have platforms, but

00:23:50.040 yeah, what do you do when they're, the stuff that worries me is like the demonetizations.

00:23:55.420 And recently I'm on Patreon and recently I think MasterCard, I could be wrong.

00:24:02.560 Somebody got one of the, I think it was MasterCard, but they said, we're not going to accept payment.

00:24:07.260 Now, when you're talking about the financial backing, I mean, that is terrifying because

00:24:13.400 that's terrifying to me.

00:24:16.060 I don't know any way to look at that.

00:24:17.620 I don't know any, I know that people can justify that, but that is again, where I'm like, okay,

00:24:22.580 in this middle, like trying to find myself on this journey.

00:24:26.460 And there are lines where it's like free speech.

00:24:29.520 You should be able to make, you know, payment centers shouldn't be deciding who they will

00:24:36.880 and won't take money based on what they're saying.

00:24:40.660 But that is, that's.

00:24:42.740 I can guarantee you this on YouTube.

00:24:46.360 Will be demonetized?

00:24:47.580 Yeah, absolutely.

00:24:48.760 I mean, you don't, you'll never watch any of these interviews that are interrupted with

00:24:52.920 a, you know, just a inserted commercial.

00:24:55.280 I try, I do.

00:24:56.040 I did it to Ruben too.

00:24:57.420 I told him I was having a dream, you know, the night before I was nervous and I had a dream

00:25:02.080 and I said, you know, I can say anything.

00:25:03.740 I'm not on Twitter.

00:25:04.500 I can say boys and girls are different.

00:25:06.280 And he was like, no, don't say that.

00:25:07.740 And then I told him that dream and he's like, thanks a lot, Bridget.

00:25:11.760 We just got demonetized.

00:25:13.760 Yeah.

00:25:14.140 We're demonetized on everything always in advance.

00:25:16.380 It doesn't matter what I say.

00:25:17.860 It's just me.

00:25:18.260 It's weird.

00:25:18.780 It's so, it's so that stuff is because, and this is something that's always been really

00:25:24.040 interesting.

00:25:24.440 And again, I don't know the answers.

00:25:25.780 I've always been, as I've watched technology, really interested about free markets, technology

00:25:32.220 and freedom of speech and where they're going to intersect.

00:25:34.900 Because those are, it's a wild west.

00:25:38.220 We don't know.

00:25:38.780 It's all brand new.

00:25:39.820 We don't, we have never had so much, like you said, connection and access and so many

00:25:47.100 people relying on it for their livelihood.

00:25:50.660 And it's where everybody is.

00:25:52.600 My nephews, I was, I just spent a week with my nephews.

00:25:55.240 They don't look at the TV.

00:25:56.680 TV's done.

00:25:57.380 No, done.

00:25:58.060 Done.

00:25:58.700 This generation, whatever it is, the millennials, last generation that will watch TV. 0.99

00:26:02.740 Oh yeah.

00:26:03.040 It's done.

00:26:04.300 And they were on their phones and YouTube.

00:26:07.280 They live on YouTube.

00:26:08.460 That is.

00:26:08.880 And so to act like YouTube demonetizing people is not really deeply problematic.

00:26:14.940 And that it's.

00:26:19.320 But the problem is, is we're funding hate.

00:26:23.980 And it depends on what the definition of hate is.

00:26:27.040 And this is the thing that really bothered me.

00:26:28.820 Um, you know, Google and YouTube and Facebook are working on algorithms.

00:26:34.240 Right.

00:26:35.140 To search for hate.

00:26:37.400 Right.

00:26:37.780 Well, wait, hold it.

00:26:39.660 I don't think we're.

00:26:41.460 I don't.

00:26:42.060 Who determines that?

00:26:42.780 Yeah.

00:26:42.980 You keep using that word.

00:26:44.120 I do not think it means what you think it determines that.

00:26:46.560 Right.

00:26:46.800 And how do you apply the terms of service equally?

00:26:49.980 If you're going to apply them equally and say, Hey, the people who are, I call it the

00:26:54.580 approved message.

00:26:55.440 If you're speaking the approved message and you're saying whatever you want to say and

00:26:59.560 demonizing people in whatever way you want to say, and you're not getting away with it.

00:27:03.800 Okay.

00:27:04.220 I will accept that you can apply these terms of service equally, but you're not.

00:27:08.820 You're applying them only to one, the people who aren't in the approved, the approved message.

00:27:24.040 Let me go to someplace, maybe possibly sensitive.

00:27:28.000 Okay.

00:27:29.360 It's a trap.

00:27:31.080 It's a trap.

00:27:32.240 All of a sudden I turn to that fish head guy.

00:27:34.060 I know.

00:27:34.360 Uh, uh, I, I want to talk about, um, I, I, I, you, you, you, you, you use, you deflect

00:27:46.640 a lot with comedy.

00:27:47.560 Yes.

00:27:48.780 Uh, and so I, I want to take you back to the experiences that you had, um, that really kind

00:27:57.860 of started you on this track of alcoholism.

00:28:00.940 I assume.

00:28:01.820 Can you, are you willing to go there on?

00:28:05.360 Yeah.

00:28:05.700 I mean, as much as I can, um, where, where do we begin?

00:28:14.040 Um, uh, I think I, I think I was born an alcoholic.

00:28:21.260 I really do.

00:28:22.460 And even just my, there are examples I can think of from my childhood.

00:28:26.680 I'll give you a very simple one.

00:28:29.540 My, um, God, he was my godfather.

00:28:33.300 He gave me two pounds of gummy bears for my 10th birthday.

00:28:36.680 Haribo.

00:28:37.660 And the only kind.

00:28:39.320 And, and then I locked my, I'm the oldest of five.

00:28:42.580 I locked myself in my dad's office, ate all of them because I didn't want to share and

00:28:47.900 spent, spent my 10th birthday throwing up.

00:28:50.600 And that, and I was addicted to sugar and I lied about it and I was sneaky about it and

00:28:54.480 books too.

00:28:55.220 I would read books obsessively.

00:28:57.000 I always feel like I've been trying to escape and get high.

00:29:01.580 Those are, those are two things that since I was, before I even found alcohol, um, my parents

00:29:07.540 got divorced and I found alcohol and I moved every year and a half and I never felt like

00:29:13.380 I fit in anywhere and people were horrible to me.

00:29:15.700 This is why I'm very sensitive to mobs.

00:29:17.720 I was always the girl on the outside and always, I'm deeply distrustful of groups because I

00:29:24.240 was bullied by everyone and all, and all the time.

00:29:28.200 I went to three eighth grades.

00:29:29.640 That's a lot.

00:29:31.340 And two ninth grades.

00:29:32.660 And, um, those are bullying.

00:29:35.120 No, because my parents are insane and it's my mom and my step.

00:29:40.900 Well, my mom got remarried and, um, uh, that was a lot.

00:29:47.000 And so we moved a lot and I didn't really know what to do with me being the oldest or

00:29:53.540 where to put me.

00:29:54.380 And so they kept trying, they just were trying to figure out where to put me in school.

00:29:59.120 And then, um, I just started drinking and smoking weed when I was 12, 13.

00:30:06.200 And then we have very similar stories.

00:30:08.500 Yeah, but it was, I didn't have to try and fit in, in schools anymore because everywhere

00:30:12.520 you go, there's a group of people that party.

00:30:14.320 So it was, I just took all of my, and I was that girl that wanted to go to Harvard and

00:30:20.280 it's, I might cry if I talk about this, but because it's those things that, um, I feel

00:30:26.700 like I've had to forgive myself for is, and, and my parents and in, uh, you know, talking

00:30:35.000 about having resentments and things that I work a program at 12 step program.

00:30:40.120 So I look at things like resentments and that, uh, feeling like I got derailed off of like

00:30:47.000 my, uh, potential was somehow derailed by all of the stuff that was going on in our household,

00:30:54.980 which was, uh, I don't ever really talk about this publicly.

00:30:58.540 It was, it was insane.

00:31:00.000 My, uh, there was a lot of mental illness and, um, so, you know, my mom killed herself.

00:31:06.480 Okay.

00:31:06.820 Yeah.

00:31:07.080 I mean, I'm, I'm down with mental illness.

00:31:11.080 My folks got a divorce.

00:31:12.660 Yeah.

00:31:12.920 I started drinking and smoking pot, same age.

00:31:15.840 Yeah.

00:31:16.180 I was trying to escape a pretty nutty, uh, um, like home life.

00:31:23.660 And then it just continued.

00:31:25.300 I mean, I just kept on, I was so lost.

00:31:27.800 I, I, I was lost.

00:31:29.880 I was, I, I was in rehab at 19 and you would think that that would have kind of put me back

00:31:35.440 on the path for, so I basically started drinking at 12 and then it progressed pretty steadily.

00:31:41.680 And by the time I was 17, I was just full blown.

00:31:45.340 And, um, I finished high school and that barely my senior year was, uh, my second half

00:31:53.140 of my senior year, I almost failed out.

00:31:55.500 And then I went, I was working in a restaurant and we were down, I had a fake ID and we were

00:32:01.760 downtown and a guy, um, roofied me. 0.95

00:32:05.160 And then I woke, I got drugged and raped. 0.62

00:32:07.980 And, um, after that, everything escalated.

00:32:11.500 I went, I started going to college, but, um, I was pretty much full blown alcoholic at that

00:32:18.480 point and was running from a lot of pain and then even more pain.

00:32:25.240 And then, um, I was, I escalated to hard drugs.

00:32:30.080 Were you angry?

00:32:31.540 An angry drunk?

00:32:33.140 No, no, I wasn't like that.

00:32:35.100 I was not, I, I, it didn't manifest that way for me at all.

00:32:38.720 I hear a lot of stories of people like getting in fights and stuff.

00:32:41.840 And I was pretty happy go lucky actually.

00:32:44.420 And, um, I always thought I was a better person when I was drunk.

00:32:48.040 Yeah, I, I might've been, um, I mean, a lot of people would argue, I probably am sitting

00:32:54.480 here and they're like, get, start drinking again, bridge, start smoking weed.

00:33:00.120 Yeah.

00:33:00.380 That's like, how much weed was I smoking?

00:33:02.180 Um, and I ended up in rehab at 19 for heroin and weirdly, can you tell me the experience

00:33:11.920 of heroin?

00:33:12.920 Yeah, it, it's great.

00:33:15.020 No, um, it was, it's not great.

00:33:21.360 We've just been monetized again.

00:33:22.600 We're making, we're, we're making the money now by a cartel.

00:33:29.920 Um, no, it's, it's, it was the relief I always sought.

00:33:34.340 So my brain is loud.

00:33:37.260 People who are listening to this might realize that by now I have, it races all the time.

00:33:42.900 I have, it takes a village now for me to keep my, I'm very concerned with, you know, mental,

00:33:49.580 mental health and addiction.

00:33:52.020 These are things that I could talk for hours about because I have so much experience with

00:33:57.260 it and I just think, I see what it takes now to keep me kind of even keel and it's, it's

00:34:04.580 a lot.

00:34:05.060 And so I, and I had no coping tools.

00:34:06.780 I had nothing.

00:34:07.440 No, no one gives you those coping tools when you're young, which we should be giving kids

00:34:11.920 like how to regulate themselves emotionally and how to talk about something that may be

00:34:17.760 traumatic happened to them or whatever.

00:34:20.780 And when the first time I, I smoked heroin primarily, um, until right before I quit.

00:34:26.280 And, uh, I just remember the first time it was like nirvana, like it was just quiet and

00:34:33.020 I can get there now with meditation and, um, yoga, unless it's the day before the election.

00:34:39.900 I was actually thinking, it was funny because I was doing this, uh, crying in a garage as I

00:34:44.440 call it, but it's breath work.

00:34:45.840 And I was, it was, this was like last week and, and I was sitting there doing my breathing

00:34:50.720 and, and crying.

00:34:51.860 And I was like, God, if Glenn could see me now, does he know who he's having on this

00:34:56.800 program?

00:34:57.700 And then I started thinking, I want to do that with you.

00:35:00.840 I'm like, can we do a, can we do a series where it's me and Glenn doing hippie stuff

00:35:04.620 together?

00:35:05.260 I would love that.

00:35:06.140 That would be amazing.

00:35:06.860 I would love that.

00:35:07.660 Goat yoga, breath work.

00:35:09.920 I took yoga for a while.

00:35:11.640 Oh yeah.

00:35:11.980 It's the most, it's one of the hardest workouts.

00:35:15.040 Oh yeah.

00:35:16.120 And in the middle, I'd be like, I can't, I fall right dead to sleep.

00:35:22.660 It's the hardest and the most relaxing at the same time.

00:35:26.900 Yeah.

00:35:27.260 I'm worried that maybe you were passing out.

00:35:29.740 So I wasn't sleeping, you were just passing out.

00:35:32.720 Um, so I, I definitely, I was in, in rehab, um, but it was, it was quiet.

00:35:39.960 My brain was quiet and I, it was a quick race to the bottom for me.

00:35:43.500 I didn't, I don't do anything really have.

00:35:46.940 And I just was essentially within a year was in rehab.

00:35:50.660 It took me down.

00:35:51.380 I was 89 pounds.

00:35:52.360 I was in the hospital and then I put myself in rehab.

00:35:55.520 It was, um, uh, I, I knew I had totally one of those like cliche independent film moments

00:36:03.620 where I'd come back.

00:36:04.500 I was out in LA with my boyfriend and I reached for something in my bathtub and then I caught

00:36:10.300 a glimpse in the mirror and I could see every rib and I looked in the mirror and I was just

00:36:14.480 nothing.

00:36:15.260 There was no, no one was home.

00:36:16.860 It was that soulless dead eye, you know?

00:36:19.640 And I was like, what have I become this week on lifetime?

00:36:25.520 I mean, I am like an afterschool special cliche, like every single one.

00:36:32.280 It's so, I always joke about that.

00:36:34.300 Like I'm just the cliche afterschool special girl, like take all of those.

00:36:38.540 And that's me other than, well, the cult thing too.

00:36:41.540 And the cult, wait, the cult thing.

00:36:42.860 Well, the, there's the whole, I accidentally ended up in a, in a sex cult.

00:36:47.040 It's a whole long story.

00:36:48.220 I wrote about it.

00:36:49.700 Um, so it's usually not something you just like, and the cult thing.

00:36:54.240 You know, it's a sex cult thing.

00:36:56.040 Well, I'm just saying the afterschool special.

00:36:59.140 Yeah.

00:36:59.480 That's, that might be for HBO.

00:37:01.440 We have the ABC afterschool special.

00:37:04.620 So I, yeah, I, I went to rehab and these women saved my life. 1.00

00:37:09.460 That was the first, the first time my life was saved.

00:37:11.640 Um, they, I was there, I stayed in a halfway house for seven months and I learned coping

00:37:17.180 tools, but I was also really young.

00:37:19.180 And I decided that as long as I never did heroin again, I was good, you know, good to

00:37:24.360 go because I still wasn't ready to stop.

00:37:26.600 And honestly, it is a, I got sober at 35 and 40.

00:37:29.820 It is a miracle that I made it to 35.

00:37:34.780 It truly is.

00:37:36.060 And then it was like what I call the dark years.

00:37:38.080 Then I basically, I was in the pro in the program and, um, in a 12 step program.

00:37:43.480 And then I blamed everything on the program and I read all the books and I litigated, you

00:37:48.460 know, I read like how a failed me.

00:37:50.320 And I, I, I built up my case so that I could successfully leave and not have that head full

00:37:57.600 of, of all that knowledge and a belly full of booze.

00:38:01.220 This, this, um, I was talking to Tony Robbins recently and he said, I love him.

00:38:05.560 I do too.

00:38:06.360 He's a great guy.

00:38:07.380 I love him so much.

00:38:08.680 He saved me.

00:38:09.560 Honestly, he doesn't know it, but he has.

00:38:12.600 So, um, but he was saying that there was a guy that, uh, came up to him.

00:38:16.880 He, he quit smoking.

00:38:18.860 He helped us early on his career.

00:38:20.320 He helped him quit smoking.

00:38:21.960 And, uh, the guy came up to him five years, uh, no, like 10 years later and said, you

00:38:28.980 failed me.

00:38:29.980 And he said, what?

00:38:31.700 He said, do you remember me?

00:38:32.960 And it was early in his career.

00:38:34.160 And he actually did remember.

00:38:35.140 He said, yeah, you were a guy who stopped smoking.

00:38:37.700 He said, well, how long did it last?

00:38:39.320 He said, five years.

00:38:41.220 He said, five years.

00:38:43.020 Then my wife left me and I just went out and smoked.

00:38:45.560 He's like, no dude, I didn't fail you.

00:38:47.960 No, you failed you.

00:38:50.840 Yeah.

00:38:51.080 And people, a lot of people have a lot of perceptions about 12 steps and whatnot.

00:38:56.020 And, um, I don't think that there's one solution for everybody, especially because when you

00:39:02.280 start taking apart, um, what leads somebody to addiction, you'll find there's either sometimes

00:39:08.900 someone will get sober and it's like, oh, you're bipolar and you really just need medicate.

00:39:12.600 You know, you were self-medicating and sometimes it's, um, in my instance, it was, uh, just

00:39:19.700 a series of maybe genetics and also then life piled on top of it.

00:39:26.140 And I just spent most of my twenties, not even being like, Hey, to each their own. 0.99

00:39:31.940 I was like, anti, I was one of those people that was like, Oh, those idiots in their fear 0.99

00:39:37.320 based program doing something better for their lives and helping other people. 0.99

00:39:42.420 So how dare they, I just was, I had to be against it because I knew I think, and it is amazing

00:39:49.840 the lengths I went to, to avoid going back in.

00:39:52.360 I mean, yoga, I, I learned, I became a yoga instructor.

00:39:56.280 I did a lot of therapy, you know, hallucinogenics, any, anything that you, I could try to, to

00:40:03.720 manage.

00:40:04.500 And eventually I just, I ended up and it's been, I used to hate when everybody said like,

00:40:11.500 everything in my life should be stamped with property of a, and now I'm like, yeah, that's

00:40:17.220 me.

00:40:17.520 So, so what was it that you were avoiding?

00:40:20.720 Um, when?

00:40:22.680 Inventory?

00:40:23.760 Um, the inventory.

00:40:26.840 The shame.

00:40:28.140 So I think from, from, for me, I feel, uh, what's, you know, it really came up when I

00:40:35.620 quit Twitter again.

00:40:36.840 I said, I've been joking.

00:40:38.140 I said, I have been sober five and a half years and I've had Twitter the whole time and

00:40:44.020 I quit.

00:40:44.580 I didn't go on.

00:40:45.340 I was, and I realized how much of an escape mechanism it was for me and how much I was using

00:40:50.900 it.

00:40:51.180 And the feelings, a lot of the shame I've dealt with, I would say the first round of

00:40:56.280 onion peeling that I did in terms of what is going on, um, was just shame, shame about

00:41:04.120 feeling like I had failed myself, feeling like I had failed my parents.

00:41:09.080 Yeah.

00:41:09.540 Things like that. 1.00

00:41:10.440 Stupid things. 1.00

00:41:11.400 Um, but that was my one and only dream. 1.00

00:41:13.920 And so then I had to, again, at 19, really reinvent myself.

00:41:17.180 And that's when I realized at 19 that I wanted to be a writer and that I didn't necessarily

00:41:23.240 need college for that.

00:41:24.260 So, um, all of this kind of happened at the same time, realizing that that was my path.

00:41:31.360 This, this most recent round as uncomfortable as it is for me to admit publicly, I is, um,

00:41:39.200 just feelings of worthlessness, like really deep, deep.

00:41:43.320 I might cry.

00:41:44.560 Um, it's like right here, uh, deep feelings of worthlessness.

00:41:49.660 And that has kind of, I've run from that, I think my whole life and that, you know, it's

00:41:58.300 interesting to see how I, all of the ways in which I react to rejecting myself, the ways

00:42:09.380 that I did, the ways I reacted to shame, the promiscuity, the, it's like those reactions

00:42:16.340 that I had to these feelings that I didn't know how to cope with.

00:42:21.400 After, um, after getting raped, I was so, I don't know how to explain it.

00:42:28.240 You just feel like broken.

00:42:33.940 And I think I spent a long time running from that and it's a miracle I lived, like I lived

00:42:43.980 through it, um, because a lot of people don't, and I've seen a lot of people come in and that's

00:42:50.440 what happens.

00:42:51.080 That's a hard thing about getting sober is facing yourself honestly.

00:42:55.840 And so that inventory, the looking at what my part is, even in something that I was truly

00:43:04.400 a victim, um, even in looking at how I had abandoned myself long before, even that.

00:43:13.980 Looking at how I reacted to it.

00:43:17.520 So it's not even in those instances, it's not necessarily even what happens to me that

00:43:22.020 I have to take responsibility for, but how I reacted to that event in my life and the

00:43:27.380 wreckage that I caused in response to it is that's on me.

00:43:32.620 You know, it's, I, I have to take responsibility for, I, I, I forgive the fact that I didn't

00:43:38.560 have many coping mechanisms or tools or, um, you know, it's funny.

00:43:44.620 And I'm sitting here thinking one of the things that's hard about being online and being open

00:43:53.020 online is like, sometimes the trolls are right, you know, sometimes in the alt-right and I've

00:44:01.340 read these articles that they write about me from the alt-right of like, and the men's

00:44:06.200 rights activists.

00:44:06.840 And they say, you know, like, Oh, and her stepdaddy issues and her, and her, um, and like, she 1.00

00:44:12.860 probably got raped and all this stuff.

00:44:14.620 And it's like, yeah, yeah, they're right. 0.83

00:44:17.020 And that is when, uh, that hurt, that hurts because they're right.

00:44:23.220 And then I'm like, am I just react like a massive reaction to, am I just projecting a reaction?

00:44:32.000 I don't, I don't want to be doing that.

00:44:35.220 Um, it's amazing if you are, um, this is really honest, if you're a thinking and feeling

00:44:43.880 human being, how, how good it is, and yet we don't talk about it, how good it is to look

00:44:56.420 at those comments and ask yourself, gosh, am I just that?

00:45:04.260 And, and, and, and that's, you know, that's, I think part of the problem with the society

00:45:13.740 today is where pain is awful, pain is good.

00:45:22.540 What, what happens, I think, you know, I can separate myself and say, that's not just me.

00:45:27.680 When I'm in a good place, for instance, um, what is, you know, my therapist said, I worry

00:45:35.820 about you on Twitter because you already feel like you're worthless and you already feel like 0.99

00:45:40.400 you're garbage. 1.00

00:45:41.160 Go back to that. 1.00

00:45:43.320 First, take me to the difference, if there is any, between feeling worthless and feeling

00:45:48.540 broken.

00:45:49.300 And if there is a difference, what is it and how are they connected?

00:45:52.560 I don't know.

00:45:53.980 That's a really good question.

00:45:56.040 I feel like the worthlessness, I don't know what I've really, I mean, it sounds so I, cause

00:46:05.100 I was joking that I went off Twitter and for Lent and found God and I really wasn't joking.

00:46:10.440 I really feel like the antidote to worthlessness is God.

00:46:14.540 It's the only thing that really I've been able, it's that idea of the God sized hole, the thing

00:46:19.600 that I've been trying to fill with men, no pun intended.

00:46:24.300 Um, like all, all of the substances, hopefully money.

00:46:29.780 Just kidding.

00:46:30.640 We'll see if that fills it.

00:46:32.660 Um, I don't project a lot.

00:46:34.320 It won't, it won't.

00:46:35.280 At least for a while.

00:46:36.360 I need to know for myself, um, that I, the feeling broken was more of a reaction to an

00:46:47.500 event that happened to me, feeling worthless.

00:46:50.760 I feel like that was something I, I felt that way.

00:46:57.180 And again, I don't know so much happened.

00:46:59.440 I don't know if it was from moving.

00:47:00.760 I don't know if it was always feeling isolated.

00:47:02.560 I don't know if it's part of, you know, being the kind of addict mentality, which I feel like

00:47:08.900 I see a lot of addicts struggle with that feeling of worthlessness or uselessness and

00:47:15.740 that, um, or if it was parenting as much as I hate to say that publicly, cause I love

00:47:26.020 my parents and feel that they really did the best that they could.

00:47:30.740 Um, which is what people always say when they're like, no, they didn't do the best.

00:47:34.420 Um, they didn't do a great job.

00:47:38.180 No, I'm just kidding.

00:47:39.480 They did.

00:47:40.440 Um, they did, and they did instill morals in me.

00:47:43.680 And I do think forgiveness and compassion is something that I really, in all areas of

00:47:52.440 my life and gratitude, these are things that they helped me to heal that part of me that

00:47:57.840 feels worthless.

00:47:59.120 It just, but it creeps up.

00:48:01.920 And then when I'm getting mobbed online and I put on a good front and I can, I can, I do

00:48:07.800 deflect your right a lot with humor and got good on you for seeing right through that.

00:48:13.560 But I think there's a disintegration that occurs and probably from trauma.

00:48:19.960 And this is the weird thing about trauma.

00:48:21.700 And I've learned a lot more about trauma is that when that filter kind of takes over,

00:48:27.460 when I'm in a place where that's been triggered, which is a word that's been co-opted, but it

00:48:33.680 does happen.

00:48:35.600 I feel like that's the only lens I can see myself through.

00:48:40.880 So suddenly I am a grifter.

00:48:42.920 I am a hack. 0.97

00:48:43.800 I am carrying water for Nazis. 1.00

00:48:45.440 I am worthless. 1.00

00:48:47.160 I am garbage. 1.00

00:48:47.860 I am a slut. 1.00

00:48:49.000 I am a whore. 1.00

00:48:49.800 I am all of the, I mean, the horrible things that get lobbed at you anonymously. 0.99

00:48:55.880 And I do a pretty good job of not really paying attention to it or seeing it, but you see it,

00:49:00.680 it's, it comes through.

00:49:03.020 And so then I have a hard time remembering that I'm not that, that I'm, I'm, you know,

00:49:13.920 Bridget who has a dog that she rescued and she's cleaning up it's poop in her backyard.

00:49:19.560 Like come, I have to come into the, into real life.

00:49:24.300 I think it helps when you're in that, uh, the internal shame spiral is virtual, you know,

00:49:31.760 that it's a, it's, and the virtual world is a weird, perfect kind of mirror of that internal.

00:49:39.780 I mean, I was walking in LA and I don't want to swear, but this guy, he was a homeless man

00:49:46.180 and he was screaming and he was like, he's like, I can't think too loud. 0.98

00:49:52.960 Shut up. 0.99

00:49:53.320 And he was screaming at me and I was like, brain. 1.00

00:49:58.160 Did you just come out of my head? 0.72

00:50:01.740 I've been trying to divorce this part of me.

00:50:03.800 I didn't realize you were homeless now.

00:50:05.420 I'm sorry.

00:50:05.920 Um, but that is, you know, I, I listen.

00:50:09.820 That's how, that's how I know when I'm doing well, how

00:50:15.480 I know you can relate when I can be alone with no music, no distractions, no TV on in the background.

00:50:28.280 Cause there are times I just did it this morning.

00:50:30.960 Uh, I was reading something and it triggered something, a memory of me and like a bad memory

00:50:36.780 of me that years ago.

00:50:38.680 And I went, you know what I mean?

00:50:41.960 Where you're just like, make noise, make noise.

00:50:43.960 It used to happen all the time.

00:50:47.960 And when you're, when you're, when you've truly let go of it and you've truly dealt with it and, um, made the amends and accepted the forgiveness for yourself, um, you, uh, that goes away.

00:51:07.760 But when you are constantly being picked at, constantly being pointed to and saying, you're a bad person, it's dangerous.

00:51:18.840 And I think that's.

00:51:21.100 And why do you do it?

00:51:22.800 You know what?

00:51:23.320 That's the question I asked myself.

00:51:24.760 Why do you, what is the bigger thing that drives you to continue to take the hits and to keep going forward?

00:51:36.220 Because by all accounts, somebody like me probably shouldn't be doing what I'm doing because I'm not a victim.

00:51:42.380 I'm choosing to, to take, we're putting ourselves in this position.

00:51:46.100 We're saying what we're saying and there are consequences of our speech.

00:51:50.140 But what drives you, you know, there's, I'm still at the point where I'm like, yeah, I could check out and like, I mean, you, you're more at the point than me.

00:52:00.820 Yeah.

00:52:01.000 I'm still at the point.

00:52:01.840 There are, there are several times a year.

00:52:03.520 I look to my wife and go, you realize we could just pack everything up.

00:52:07.860 We already have a house in the mountains.

00:52:10.920 We'll never have to talk to anybody again and we'll be happy.

00:52:14.660 Why are we doing this?

00:52:15.880 So what motivates you?

00:52:17.860 Um, God.

00:52:20.140 Uh, history when I grew up a Beck and you know, all guys are fascinated by world war two documentaries, but Beck is a German name.

00:52:32.820 And I know there were Beck's there.

00:52:35.740 My family wasn't, but I know my relatives had to be over there.

00:52:40.500 Which side were they on?

00:52:42.580 What did they do?

00:52:43.660 What did they say?

00:52:44.500 Um, and the more I read about history, there are these epic moments in history and I want my grandchildren to be able to stand up and say, you know, when that time came, here's what my grandma and grandpa did.

00:53:07.420 And, and, and, and not be, have to not have to just, you know, hang their head and go, I don't know.

00:53:14.800 We really never talked about that.

00:53:16.480 You know?

00:53:18.420 Yeah.

00:53:18.860 This is the interesting.

00:53:20.180 Don't you want to be somebody, we're going through McCarthy era right now.

00:53:26.560 And I think it's going to get worse, but we're going through McCarthy era right now.

00:53:30.400 Don't you want your kids to be the one that said, you know, my mom, she stood up.

00:53:36.640 My mom went to jail for it because she knew it was wrong.

00:53:40.900 So, yeah, and it's funny being in the middle, seeing both of the, the hearing both of the sides, now that I've woken up, um, and the other side would say that we are on the wrong side of history.

00:53:55.020 You know, that, that's what, that's, what's interesting to me in terms of the, the, everyone feeling like they're on the right side of history.

00:54:05.360 So, but let me ask you this, you give me faith and so do so many others that, and I don't, I don't ever want to paint a broad brush that there's the right side of history and everybody on this side is on the right side. 0.99

00:54:20.100 Cause I know a lot of people on the conservative side, I think they suck. 0.98

00:54:23.660 Okay. 0.99

00:54:24.100 And I think they're off target.

00:54:25.540 And if, if I would define a conservative, what I am is I am trying to conserve those things of value that have helped us be a great people. 0.89

00:54:39.140 There's a lot of crap that we've done.

00:54:41.400 That's bad, but let's conserve the bill of rights. 0.95

00:54:45.680 Let's conserve, um, uh, the constitution as written, not the way we're doing it.

00:54:52.860 Let's conserve decency.

00:54:54.700 Let's conserve reason and, and logic and science, you know, not just, I'm going to make up a word and tell you what it is.

00:55:02.480 The due process.

00:55:03.720 I think we need to conserve those things beyond that.

00:55:08.620 You know what?

00:55:09.020 We can fight all, all day long, but those things are being lost right now.

00:55:14.900 That's where I feel.

00:55:16.060 I mean, that was what I was saying to someone the other day.

00:55:19.020 If, if I can't say boys and girls are different, you know, I, I, I guess that makes me a conservative.

00:55:26.940 If, if I, if I'm defending, if I feel like that, that saying that people, if I feel like I should be able to say that.

00:55:35.760 And now people are saying, well, you know, you're out, you're out.

00:55:39.360 It's the period that is like one of the purity tests, you know, and you know, but you know what?

00:55:43.580 That's how, that's how you know you're on the right side.

00:55:47.260 If, look, if, if I'm on, I will have anybody on the show, as long as you're an honest broker, if you're willing to change your mind, and I'm not saying I'm going to change your mind, but if you're willing, if you're open to go, you know, I don't know.

00:56:00.640 I don't know.

00:56:01.060 If you're willing to be an open, honest person, broker, no matter how much we disagree, I want to have a conversation because I'm going to learn something from you, you know, and, and I know I'm on the right side when, when I'm saying I'm open, let's talk, let's talk.

00:56:23.040 Because it only makes us better.

00:56:24.900 We have to have each other and we have to talk.

00:56:28.620 And if, if the other side is saying, shut up or you're ostracized, I know you are, I've seen the movies. 0.84

00:56:36.160 You're usually dressed in a black uniform. 0.88

00:56:39.580 That is the danger.

00:56:40.840 I think that's, I mean, that's why, this is why I'm here.

00:56:43.860 Right.

00:56:44.280 And that's why I have hope because you're not alone.

00:56:47.100 There are so many people who we don't, we, I don't even know.

00:56:50.200 We might disagree on a ton of really big things.

00:56:52.740 Right.

00:56:53.300 But you and I could live next door to each other.

00:56:55.300 Right.

00:56:55.660 We could be friends.

00:56:56.900 I, we would be, we'd be fine forever.

00:56:59.520 Yeah.

00:56:59.840 We would have strong disagreements probably.

00:57:02.260 Right.

00:57:02.660 But we'd be friends.

00:57:04.880 That gives me hope.

00:57:06.460 How many people on the conservative side do you see going over to the left and joining the left and saying, you know what?

00:57:17.960 I'm with you guys.

00:57:19.440 I, I still believe the things that I believe.

00:57:22.380 Right.

00:57:22.520 I still believe that the border is out of control or whatever, but I'm with you guys because you guys will at least talk common sense.

00:57:29.380 Because you're not seeing an intellectual, deep intellectual discovery on the conservative side moving over because the other side is shutting down all intellectual variations.

00:57:42.900 Right.

00:57:43.500 It's, it's interesting because I have seen a lot of people come from the right as you know, there's been that there, there, there seems to be a migration into the center from both camps.

00:57:54.160 And that is one area where even the people coming from the right, they're like, okay, yeah, I can see how maybe I was blind in some respects and whatever.

00:58:03.720 Yeah.

00:58:03.900 Let me just, may I just clarify?

00:58:05.800 Because I want to make sure we're talking about the same thing.

00:58:08.300 I'm not saying, I'm saying the center is not the center as people always identify it.

00:58:18.220 I see totalitarianism.

00:58:20.320 I don't care if it's right or left, European right or left.

00:58:22.880 I see that over here.

00:58:23.960 Okay.

00:58:25.120 I see freedom lovers in this general area.

00:58:28.560 Okay.

00:58:29.240 They can disagree on everything, but they agree with, you should have a right to say it.

00:58:34.960 You should write to live your life, your own way.

00:58:37.120 You should be able to marry whoever you want.

00:58:39.000 These people cannot tell you one way or another, anything.

00:58:43.160 So I see those who are those early 20th century dictator kind of progressive kind of thought before dictator was a bad word. 0.98

00:58:53.800 I see those people over here and I see average people moving away from that and coming here and going, look, I don't agree with you on anything, but those people are nuts. 0.97

00:59:05.340 Yeah. 0.97

00:59:05.900 Is that the same?

00:59:06.700 Yeah, I think that what you see from people coming from the right is that they're seeing elements of it from that side too.

00:59:15.280 So that's what you hear from the refugees from the right.

00:59:18.300 So from my perspective, I see elements.

00:59:20.900 I'm like, it's encroaching.

00:59:23.860 It's the, there's the extremists have kind of hijacked the parties and, and most people are afraid to speak out against the approved message just because the approved message is so strong.

00:59:34.660 And in that battle in the middle where you're kind of trying to find your way, you're like, well, I don't want to like, I don't want to agree with, I don't agree with this, but this is, this is terrifying.

00:59:47.340 And that's where I think a lot of people are bumping around in the middle and they just are instead of, because they have jobs and kids and they, I have, and I was saying this on Ruben, you know, I've seen mommies get shamed out of mommy groups.

01:00:03.700 I've seen people, it's so, it's so radicalized.

01:00:10.260 It's, it's created this binary.

01:00:12.500 And again, it's the flattening, but there's a lot of people who aren't flat.

01:00:16.640 They're humans like me, who I'm not, I don't think a bad person.

01:00:21.500 I try to be of service.

01:00:23.400 I try to help people.

01:00:24.620 I really care about the more evergreen topics like addiction and mental health and, and sex and relationships and free speech.

01:00:33.680 And that is the hill I feel like I'm dying on.

01:00:38.480 You know, that's, that's the fight where I started and I started noticing it in LA.

01:00:45.320 I started noticing it in editorial ways pre-election.

01:00:50.760 So this was already kind of happening and I noticed that I started self-censoring and it has been interesting getting all of these emails from people all across the political spectrum, people from the right, people from the left, people, there's a certain amount of, you know, polite self-censoring that we all do to maintain civility and decency and, and just being human.

01:01:11.320 But when people are afraid that they'll lose their job because they are speaking an opinion, or I can't tell you how many, how many people have come out to me as libertarians in LA where they were like, they're, they're basically like, I'll never work.

01:01:29.660 I'll never work again.

01:01:30.680 And if it even comes out that I listened to Ben Shapiro or, you know, people will recognize me and say, Oh, I saw you on the Rubin report.

01:01:38.420 And I'm like, Ooh, I see ya.

01:01:41.060 I see you.

01:01:42.440 So that to me is dangerous.

01:01:45.460 That happens on the right too.

01:01:47.300 I mean, I went from the hero of the right to, uh, Donald Trump scares the hell out of me.

01:01:53.960 Uh, and ostracized.

01:01:57.300 I mean, it's just, you, you, it is, it is, you must play for the team.

01:02:03.820 Right.

01:02:04.320 Right.

01:02:04.580 And my team is common sense facts and reason.

01:02:08.540 Right.

01:02:09.060 And you don't have a record here of doing any of those things or being for any of those things.

01:02:14.560 And the rhetoric surrounding it is really frightening.

01:02:17.640 You know, now that he has a track record, I can separate the rhetoric and him, which I still feel the same way about.

01:02:24.140 And some of his policies compared to the policies of, of over here, but you can't, you all subtlety is lost now.

01:02:32.640 It's good to push back.

01:02:34.100 You know, I think people who push back, especially in particular about, um, even I guess in your instance, I didn't realize that you kind of came out against Trump.

01:02:44.040 No, no, I would say I was probably enemy number one in Trump's world.

01:02:47.980 Oh, okay.

01:02:48.620 See, I just woke up in 20, hi, it's me.

01:02:51.180 That's all right.

01:02:51.640 I just woke up in 2013.

01:02:54.640 I didn't.

01:02:56.520 2018 was, it was after, or 2016 was after 2013.

01:03:00.440 I know, but I didn't really have to start caring about any of this.

01:03:02.760 Okay, all right, okay.

01:03:03.460 Okay.

01:03:04.100 All right, okay. 0.66

01:03:05.180 I was blissfully ignorant with my privilege.

01:03:08.240 All right.

01:03:08.900 Just floating through life.

01:03:10.660 Drunk and high.

01:03:11.480 Yeah.

01:03:11.720 Um, and even sober, I was just like trying to get sober.

01:03:15.140 Holy cow. 0.89

01:03:15.860 Those two years were, yeah.

01:03:17.440 So I, I think the reaction, the natural reaction of like, Ooh, this is not a decent person.

01:03:25.220 Isn't a normal reaction to have.

01:03:27.740 That is a, it's an okay reaction to have.

01:03:30.860 And I see people on the right get absolutely crucified for this.

01:03:34.620 And it is, and I, and this is really where I stand.

01:03:37.480 It's not really any, the politics I'm, you know, learning about.

01:03:41.440 Um, but I'm just like, can we return to decency?

01:03:45.860 Because I see the demonization of people and it's, I see it on both sides.

01:03:51.780 I know that everybody hates that term, both sides.

01:03:54.560 But I do see, uh, it's not just, there's, there hasn't been a lack of decency.

01:04:00.420 You can do, you can end it with, uh, Donald Trump.

01:04:04.360 If you don't like Donald Trump or don't support Donald Trump and you're on the right, you are

01:04:09.580 from hell because these people are after us.

01:04:13.260 People are afraid to, and I am too, about what some of these socialists want to do to

01:04:19.080 the country.

01:04:19.600 Right. 0.98

01:04:19.920 And some of them are, the people around them are crazy, radically scary.

01:04:25.680 Um, however, I can judge myself what I like and what I don't like.

01:04:30.980 Same thing though. 0.99

01:04:31.840 If you wear a Trump hat, you're a racist. 0.99

01:04:34.060 I mean, that's crazy. 0.83

01:04:35.280 Don't, I mean, we've gone from don't judge me by the character of my skin to don't judge

01:04:38.460 me by the color of my hat.

01:04:39.680 Yeah.

01:04:40.220 It's, it's, it's so.

01:04:41.980 There's no, there's no subtlety.

01:04:44.780 There's no reason.

01:04:46.520 Look, I don't, I don't like everything that this person does, but I don't hate everything

01:04:50.680 this person does.

01:04:52.120 And we used to be great because we had differing opinions and we would push back and meet kind

01:04:58.720 of hopefully somewhere in the middle.

01:05:00.220 And it was this swing and now it just feels like no one is listening to each other.

01:05:05.440 And it seems to be increasing as we approach 2020.

01:05:09.340 My hope for people is that they, I understand the urge to retreat into a tribe because it's, 0.80

01:05:16.440 it's, it's scary.

01:05:18.040 And it's natural.

01:05:18.800 It's natural.

01:05:19.420 It's also terrifying when you're out there just alone in the middle, trying to be nuanced,

01:05:24.940 God forbid, you get battered by everyone.

01:05:27.660 And so I, you feel really alone.

01:05:30.360 Yeah.

01:05:30.800 There's nobody, there will be people who will read you and will support you, but they won't

01:05:35.960 share me.

01:05:36.640 Will not share it.

01:05:38.240 I've had people reach out to me and say, I love that article.

01:05:40.980 I can never share it.

01:05:41.760 And so then it is that isolating, you know, being in LA, I think without Twitter, I would

01:05:49.320 have gone crazy because I felt so ideologically isolated.

01:05:53.860 I thought I was losing my mind when I started pushing back a little bit and feeling, and so

01:05:59.940 much of it is insidious.

01:06:01.620 That is what I always say about censorship.

01:06:03.900 You know, people, when they say, they'll push back and say, well, they're not knocking

01:06:07.520 on your door and they're not locking you up for saying, yet it starts in the mind, self

01:06:12.760 censorship.

01:06:13.600 It's censorship starts here.

01:06:15.200 It starts when you start being quiet and putting your head down and not, not saying this because

01:06:21.020 you're afraid.

01:06:21.820 I was in, uh, I was in Poland and I was with the chief rabbi of Poland and he said, proud

01:06:33.880 boldly, there were 7,000 righteous among the nations here.

01:06:38.240 Now, you know what the new righteous of them, righteous among the nations are those who stood

01:06:41.860 up and saved a Jew.

01:06:43.860 Okay.

01:06:44.820 So there was like 6,000, 6,800, something like that.

01:06:48.480 And I was like, you're happy about that?

01:06:52.700 How many millions of people lived here?

01:06:54.600 And he looked at me and I had a totally different perspective and I didn't understand it at the

01:06:58.800 time.

01:06:59.180 I do now.

01:07:00.920 He's like, do you realize what those people risked?

01:07:06.020 He said, most people would not even come to the window because if you came to the window

01:07:11.140 and you open the curtains, you got whatever punishment they were getting.

01:07:15.940 Okay.

01:07:16.240 So they were trained.

01:07:17.740 Don't just look down, look down, look down, look away.

01:07:20.620 We're being trained.

01:07:22.320 Look down and look away.

01:07:24.040 When we see something, it's such, it's so, I feel so, you know, I see, I see elements

01:07:33.640 of this kind of when marginalized have been repressed or oppressed or, you know, that to act like

01:07:42.460 that doesn't happen either is where I, I get, I get upset when, because this is what I mean

01:07:48.880 about the flattening.

01:07:49.660 And the flattening is like, you're in, in this camp or in that camp, you either believe

01:07:54.980 and then we're not, I think, you know, it's like conservatives just don't care about anyone

01:08:00.340 that when you asked me what I thought a conservative was, my gut instinct is like, well, you, you

01:08:05.880 like money and you don't care about anyone.

01:08:07.460 That's what I was raised with.

01:08:08.760 Right.

01:08:09.260 That's the factory settings.

01:08:10.900 And I have learned and talked with many conservatives now and had many conversations

01:08:17.620 and maybe it is the getting older.

01:08:20.780 Cause there's that old joke of, you know, like you're a liberal in your twenties and if

01:08:24.300 you're, or whatever it is, so.

01:08:26.540 You don't have a heart if you're liberal in your twenties, you don't have a head if you're

01:08:29.320 not conservative.

01:08:30.300 Exactly.

01:08:31.820 Maybe it's just the natural, the circle of life.

01:08:35.100 I don't think so.

01:08:35.680 I think conservatives, I think it is strangely finally being understood that a lot, not all,

01:08:44.420 a lot of conservatives are for the bill of rights.

01:08:48.620 Yeah.

01:08:49.180 And so we don't disagree with the bill of rights, freedom of speech.

01:08:53.280 And, um, the left has always gotten that label of we're for freedom of speech.

01:08:58.220 Well, no, no, you're not.

01:08:59.700 You're not for freedom of speech.

01:09:01.160 You're for freedom of speech to put across, you know, in a jar of urine.

01:09:04.500 You can do that all your day.

01:09:06.340 But if I put a statue of Obama in a jar of urine, you know, no funding for me.

01:09:12.300 But there's this place to where good people on the right and the left are saying, I don't

01:09:21.520 care what either of you do.

01:09:23.960 Right.

01:09:24.320 Right.

01:09:24.680 I don't care.

01:09:25.360 Right.

01:09:25.900 It's not going to change my life.

01:09:27.200 Because most people, one of the interesting things that was being exposed to conservative

01:09:32.280 circles, so suddenly I was being exposed online and I'd been exposed to kind of getting the

01:09:39.300 left draggings or whatever, um, pylons I hadn't.

01:09:44.680 And then I, because conservatives were sharing my work, I suddenly was getting, and then some

01:09:49.360 of the, the underbelly there, it, I hadn't seen that where I'd be like, Hey, you know,

01:09:55.060 we need to be for free speech.

01:09:57.200 And they'd be like, yeah.

01:09:58.320 And then something super racist.

01:10:00.100 And I'm like, no, no, no, no, that's, that's not what I'm saying.

01:10:03.060 Guys.

01:10:03.460 Like not going there.

01:10:05.320 So I'm going to say the N word. 0.98

01:10:07.440 No, no, no, no, no, that's, uh, we're not on the same team.

01:10:11.720 Yeah.

01:10:11.960 You have a right to say it, but I'm not with you.

01:10:14.080 Yeah.

01:10:14.160 And you should be in the kitchen pregnant. 1.00

01:10:16.500 Okay.

01:10:17.820 Um, okay.

01:10:19.600 Yeah.

01:10:20.260 So to act like there isn't, you know, and by the way, misogyny is the underbelly.

01:10:25.500 That's something like I, to act like I'm only exposed to it on the right is not true.

01:10:30.400 I am exposed to it.

01:10:31.940 I get it on from all sides.

01:10:33.600 Um, but because it's people, because it's people.

01:10:36.800 And, but it was interesting to see like, okay, to turn a blind eye to the race, to

01:10:43.100 racism anywhere is, is not, you know, that's not okay.

01:10:47.620 No, it's like, look, I don't think I don't know those people.

01:10:53.240 And if I do know those people, I'm like, okay, I don't think we're friends anymore.

01:10:57.960 I mean, it's, it's, it exists and it's real.

01:11:02.240 Sometimes I'll tweet something and then, um, someone like who has a large following like

01:11:09.900 that will retweet me, um, with that kind of underbelly.

01:11:14.020 And then I'll immediately tweet something that just sheds all of the, I'm like, I'm not

01:11:18.980 who you think I am.

01:11:19.700 Just like a hashtag, uh, whatever I can say to get rid of like this, this group that just

01:11:28.200 came in and thinks something it's just been, it's wild.

01:11:31.700 You know, it is wild online and out there and staying centered.

01:11:35.800 And, and, um, I appreciate you having me on and having the guts to have this conversation.

01:11:44.360 Um, I've had, I've had more conversation.

01:11:48.540 I went to Los Angeles and I stood in a room of about a thousand people and I said, how many

01:11:54.140 people here think they hate my guts?

01:11:55.860 Uh, 95% of the room raised their hands.

01:11:59.840 Okay.

01:12:00.900 Uh, how many did you convert?

01:12:03.120 Uh, I had the exact opposite.

01:12:05.920 In fact, my family didn't change their mind.

01:12:07.660 They were like, you know, I still hate you.

01:12:09.120 Um, but it, but it, it, I have had so many conversations with, I mean, I've had conversations

01:12:16.660 with communists, communists.

01:12:18.540 Um, uh, they, they call themselves liberal, but they openly admit, you'd call me a communist.

01:12:25.400 Uh, and you're like, yes, yes, I would.

01:12:28.460 Uh, but it's amazing how close we are in opinions when it comes to the big principles, you know,

01:12:39.800 and the people are just afraid.

01:12:42.380 I had dinner with 20 people in Los Angeles and they were the heads of, of big groups.

01:12:50.100 Uh, and none of them, the deal was you, you can't have a team.

01:12:55.020 You're going to have dinner.

01:12:55.960 You can't have a team and nobody's talking about this.

01:12:58.720 Okay.

01:12:58.860 Nobody's sharing who's, who's, who I was the only conservative at the table.

01:13:04.160 Wow.

01:13:04.540 Okay.

01:13:04.760 And we were all in agreement on the big principles, all in agreement.

01:13:12.740 People are sick of it.

01:13:14.120 Yeah.

01:13:14.400 They're sick of it.

01:13:15.220 They're just afraid.

01:13:16.420 They are.

01:13:16.800 They are.

01:13:17.380 I was, I was kind of noticing this, um, recently there was that whole thing about the, and I

01:13:23.140 might be going on a crazy rabbit hole with you right now, but with the, um, Easter worshipers 0.82

01:13:28.600 where the, everybody, and there would seem to be this kind of bad faith argument and I don't

01:13:33.240 know what your take was on this, so forgive me, whatever it was, but I heard a lot of

01:13:38.060 like, they're trying to destroy Christianity, blah, blah, blah.

01:13:40.560 And my take on that was, I looked at them like, no, these people are petrified of their

01:13:45.320 own party.

01:13:46.000 They're so afraid of their own party.

01:13:48.060 They can't say Christians. 0.88

01:13:49.700 Like that is how I see that, that I, I view it differently.

01:13:54.340 I see it as them being terrified of their own.

01:13:57.860 That's even worse.

01:13:59.220 Right.

01:13:59.900 That's worse.

01:14:01.300 That I see it as worse. 0.59

01:14:02.820 I, I think that the easy explanation is, is the lazy one.

01:14:07.340 I think really it's like, they're so afraid of, of, uh, of angering that kind of radical

01:14:14.280 base that has emerged that they're like, yeah, it's like the most awkward thing to say that's.

01:14:21.300 And so again, being in the middle, I kind of have this perspective where I'm like, no guys,

01:14:26.420 I don't think, I think it's way worse than you actually think.

01:14:30.020 That's terrifying.

01:14:31.820 It is.

01:14:32.700 It's there.

01:14:33.040 Do you believe that?

01:14:33.980 Are you?

01:14:34.280 No, I believe.

01:14:35.100 I mean, that's where.

01:14:35.880 Oh, I think that's terrifying.

01:14:36.960 I know, but it, it's, uh, it, I don't, I think it makes more sense than like everyone

01:14:42.400 wants to just work.

01:14:43.240 No, it's just that, that is a very, um, flattening.

01:14:48.600 That's a flattening.

01:14:50.100 All right.

01:14:50.260 Yeah, but they do, but, but if you are afraid to say Christian, then somebody along the line

01:14:57.860 is like Christian bad. 0.99

01:15:00.160 Okay.

01:15:00.420 That's fair.

01:15:01.080 Yeah.

01:15:01.280 I guess if you like ideologically follow that thread, I just see it as again, a kind of example

01:15:07.940 of like that, the, um, the approved message.

01:15:11.400 That's frightening.

01:15:12.660 Do you know who Michael Rechtenwald is?

01:15:14.440 But yeah, you're right.

01:15:15.200 If I keep following that thread, it does mean somebody along the line up at the top.

01:15:21.620 They're not like, no, you guys can write Christians.

01:15:23.960 I didn't think that one through.

01:15:24.760 I can already see the bloggers.

01:15:26.160 Bridget Fettersy on Glenn Berg.

01:15:40.400 Do you know who Michael Rechtenwald is?

01:15:42.440 No.

01:15:42.640 Michael is a guy who was at NYU.

01:15:45.260 He used to write white papers for communists.

01:15:49.100 Okay.

01:15:49.500 He's, he can always considered himself a communist.

01:15:53.280 But as I said to him, I said, cause then he bailed.

01:15:55.840 He just bailed like two years ago and came out and was like, okay, I'm not with these

01:15:59.760 people.

01:16:00.240 And I'm like, Michael, what happened?

01:16:02.720 I mean, you've been a communist your whole life.

01:16:04.920 You've been writing white papers for them.

01:16:08.240 And he said, Glenn, it was theory.

01:16:10.340 He said it was theory.

01:16:11.580 He said, I think communism in theory is good.

01:16:15.760 He said, it always goes bad.

01:16:18.280 He said, and these people who actually believe it are terrifying.

01:16:24.620 Yeah.

01:16:25.040 I mean, my, my, I was married.

01:16:27.000 My ex-husband is from Belarus and he's like, I did not come to this country for all of you 1.00

01:16:34.980 to become communists.

01:16:36.320 He's so mad.

01:16:37.280 I get, I get stopped in the streets by people from Eastern, you know, the Eastern block

01:16:41.900 and they'll stop me and they'll be yelling at me about Americans who don't get it.

01:16:46.100 How come you Americans don't get it? 0.81

01:16:47.880 And I'm like, I know I get it.

01:16:49.280 I know.

01:16:49.760 But why can't you cut through and tell them?

01:16:51.700 I'm like, I don't know.

01:16:52.500 I'm trying.

01:16:53.460 I'm trying.

01:16:54.260 It is interesting because I was telling Kay when she was doing my makeup, she, my,

01:17:00.040 about a story about my ex and how he, we were watching the Simpsons.

01:17:04.220 He was really smart and he had, he understood satire, even though he came with barely any

01:17:08.660 English.

01:17:08.980 And then he didn't understand the toilet paper, um, reference that they were making.

01:17:13.160 They were throwing toilet paper in the trees, which if you're American, you're like homecoming, 0.87

01:17:16.220 ha ha, hilarious.

01:17:17.320 And he's like, Bridget, uh, what is this toilet paper?

01:17:20.080 I'm bad at accents.

01:17:20.900 What is this toilet paper in the trees thing?

01:17:22.840 And I was like, Oh, you know, we just did it.

01:17:24.540 It was a homecoming thing.

01:17:25.300 And he's like, so when I was standing in line for toilet paper, you were throwing it in trees.

01:17:32.180 Yes.

01:17:32.880 Yeah.

01:17:33.200 Yeah.

01:17:33.380 You picked the wrong side of the wall, dude.

01:17:35.900 But that's what people don't understand.

01:17:39.200 I mean, he, it's like, this is, this is, that's not fake.

01:17:43.460 He lived through that.

01:17:44.460 How can people, I mean, I really want to talk to Hollywood and say, remember when you were

01:17:52.760 for Venezuela?

01:17:55.060 I don't know anything about their position on it.

01:17:57.940 Yeah, but how does this happen?

01:17:59.280 We have, how are we so happy about socialism when you've got all of history, but then you

01:18:06.220 have one here that they all touted and they're starving to death.

01:18:10.960 They're starving.

01:18:12.360 It doesn't work.

01:18:14.740 It's, it's, it's weird too, because I do think that a lot of America's problem in general from

01:18:23.420 everyone is that they don't leave America enough.

01:18:26.500 And not just like going to Italy abroad, I mean, for your semester abroad or whatever.

01:18:33.780 I mean, go to countries that don't have, go to India, go, I was in Sri Lanka for two months.

01:18:41.940 I was in India for a month.

01:18:43.180 I mean, go to countries where Bill Burr does a great standup routine about how he, you know,

01:18:51.040 lucky we are in America, but just how there was a little Indian kid. 0.70

01:18:54.460 And he said, I was in India recently and this kid just came out and he was buck naked and he like

01:18:59.760 took a poo right in between two cars and then just disappeared into the crowd, like Jeffrey Dahmer at

01:19:06.040 the end.

01:19:07.040 And he said, it was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever seen.

01:19:09.800 And that is something you see everywhere.

01:19:11.760 And it, it, I feel like the answer to so many of our issues is gratitude.

01:19:18.400 Just coming back into gratitude for what we have.

01:19:22.060 All this talk about privilege, the height of privilege is sitting around online,

01:19:27.120 bitching about privilege all day.

01:19:30.220 Thank you.

01:19:31.020 If this is your, if a statue, have you been anywhere?

01:19:36.220 I know.

01:19:36.680 Have you left your couch in five years?

01:19:39.020 If a statue is keeping you down, you've got a pretty great life.

01:19:44.600 Oh, it's, it's the height of, it's magazine cover, whatever the like outrage du jour is.

01:19:52.660 It's so, it is privileged to be able to just be like online.

01:19:59.720 And it's, it's mind boggling to me because it just seems, I'm like, you guys don't see

01:20:04.640 the irony of this.

01:20:05.700 This is also something I always saw during the whole election cycle is all these women 1.00

01:20:09.580 being like hashtag the bachelor and then they'd be like a reality show president.

01:20:14.560 I'm like, ladies, no, no sense of self here and no self-awareness at all.

01:20:22.580 None.

01:20:23.160 They're not going to see how we might've contributed to this culture.

01:20:26.860 Not at all.

01:20:27.960 Okay.

01:20:28.760 I'll go back to being annoying online.

01:20:30.700 Uh, I've said since probably 2005, alcoholics are going to save the world.

01:20:41.860 Ironically.

01:20:42.420 Yeah.

01:20:43.020 Because if we all just did a 12 step program.

01:20:47.680 Oh, I know.

01:20:48.100 I say that all the time.

01:20:49.140 Everyone needs that.

01:20:50.360 Everyone needs it.

01:20:51.060 Everyone needs a program.

01:20:52.320 The country needs the program.

01:20:54.040 We got a problem.

01:20:55.900 We've got a problem.

01:20:57.180 Can we just do the first step?

01:20:58.300 We've got a problem that's way beyond our control.

01:21:02.540 Yeah.

01:21:02.960 Yeah.

01:21:03.480 We, and this is something that in the book, if I ever get to write it, um, it's, you know,

01:21:09.740 the, the outrage economy.

01:21:11.460 And so again, this is where I have to look at my role and I look at, at the space and

01:21:17.280 there's, there's a whole economy that's been built around this around here in my studio.

01:21:23.980 So, yeah, I mean, this has been built on the very same thing and I'm trying to do good

01:21:30.560 and I'm like, how, how do I, how do I, how do I, how do I do the good and, and be in this

01:21:37.520 business?

01:21:38.380 Yeah.

01:21:38.820 Yeah.

01:21:39.000 Good. 0.99

01:21:39.480 You should just shut up and be Tony Robbins. 0.99

01:21:41.440 Yeah. 0.99

01:21:42.000 Yeah.

01:21:42.240 I was wondering about that.

01:21:43.900 I was going to ask you too, how you, how you handle, I mean, I can't remember who it was.

01:21:49.040 I think maybe it was Cernovich.

01:21:50.780 He was doing one of those, like, ask me anythings.

01:21:53.400 And I feel like he had some, uh, he said something about the realizing that you have this audience

01:22:01.900 and then you kind of have to feed the beast.

01:22:04.380 And I, I wonder, you know, how, and I see it on, again, it's like the whole economy of

01:22:13.420 it.

01:22:14.100 When you dare to step outside of maybe what your target demographic is, and then they turn

01:22:19.720 on you.

01:22:19.980 I mean, I think recently, even like this happened to Rogan, we had Jack Dorsey on his

01:22:24.200 whole audience turned on him and it was fascinating because you kind of think he's like untouchable.

01:22:29.140 And, um, I wonder, you know, how do you, how do you, if you're part of it, how do you get

01:22:36.360 outside of it?

01:22:38.200 Can you?

01:22:39.260 Yes.

01:22:40.300 Um, you're like, yes, I'm having you on my podcast.

01:22:43.000 No, no.

01:22:44.340 Um, I, I read a phrase.

01:22:48.380 When I first sobered up that puzzled me so much, I couldn't imagine, you want to talk

01:22:55.380 about privilege living in a world where the phrase, there are many things that I believe

01:23:02.500 that I shall never say, I shall never say the things I do not believe.

01:23:07.220 That I read that from a philosopher, uh, scientist in the enlightenment period.

01:23:16.480 And I read that and I thought, what kind of world do you live in where you're afraid to

01:23:23.620 say the things that you believe that was in the nineties.

01:23:27.520 Okay.

01:23:27.860 We're in that world and there are many things that I believe that I shall never say, but

01:23:36.260 I shall never say the things I do not believe.

01:23:38.860 Okay.

01:23:39.480 And if you, if you, um, I shouldn't emphasize many things cause there's not, there's just

01:23:48.240 a few things that are just like, that won't, that won't do any good cause it will be misunderstood

01:23:54.140 and we don't live in a culture that can parse things out.

01:23:57.640 You know what I mean?

01:23:58.860 Um, but you, because I'm an alcoholic, this goes back to alcoholics who saved the world.

01:24:09.320 I've already lost everything.

01:24:10.740 Right.

01:24:11.160 So I know what's important.

01:24:12.760 Right.

01:24:13.200 You know, all this can go away.

01:24:14.560 Right.

01:24:14.780 It means nothing.

01:24:15.840 Right.

01:24:16.180 I mean, it's great.

01:24:17.160 It's sweet.

01:24:19.120 Only thing changes your life.

01:24:20.660 Private air travel.

01:24:21.780 That changes your life.

01:24:22.960 You know what's funny is I was saying that on the way here.

01:24:25.220 Yeah.

01:24:25.660 My only goal in life is to get out of coach.

01:24:27.640 I only get flying anxiety when I'm in coach.

01:24:30.480 It's like the weirdest thing.

01:24:31.280 Okay.

01:24:31.600 So do yourself.

01:24:33.780 So next time you come.

01:24:35.760 This person's going to use me as a flotation device for sure.

01:24:38.720 But in front, you're like, oh, everybody cares about me.

01:24:41.300 This plane can't possibly go down.

01:24:42.980 I know.

01:24:44.080 And I know.

01:24:44.980 And you know what?

01:24:45.400 It's really different.

01:24:45.960 When you sit in first class and they close the curtain, it just creates class envy.

01:24:52.200 It's just like, we're not going to look at you people.

01:24:56.060 No, no.

01:24:56.280 You can always tell the people that got the upgrades versus the people who belong in first

01:25:00.760 class because they're looking up.

01:25:03.040 And the people who are like first class, they're just down.

01:25:06.720 I don't even look at you people schlepping to the back of the plane.

01:25:10.100 First time I was upgraded, I was upgraded.

01:25:12.060 I was in the back by the curtain and I looked back to somebody who was flying with me.

01:25:15.520 And I just kind of peeked through the curtain.

01:25:17.020 I'm like.

01:25:18.940 They're taking selfies.

01:25:20.340 That's how you can recognize them.

01:25:22.120 Right.

01:25:22.480 You're like, everything can go away except my private jet.

01:25:25.600 I can't believe that.

01:25:27.440 I'll be homeless, but don't take my jet.

01:25:30.800 Capitalism always wins.

01:25:31.940 Um, but the, the thing that, and I think it's what you do, you've lost everything.

01:25:40.820 And so, you know, what has true value.

01:25:45.500 And so you won't lose that again.

01:25:48.020 No.

01:25:49.000 And you can lose that through action, but you can also lose that through inaction.

01:25:55.200 I mean, I returned to my giant game of yes.

01:26:00.780 And it's just been, I said, when I got sober, I know what my life looks like when I'm drinking

01:26:06.580 and smoking weed.

01:26:07.340 And it wasn't, people always ask me why I got sober this time.

01:26:10.220 They think that it's some answer like, Oh, I got a DUI or I, you know, whatever.

01:26:15.240 You're just at your bottom.

01:26:15.840 I felt dead inside.

01:26:17.020 I felt dead inside.

01:26:18.820 I felt like I was rotting.

01:26:20.040 And my, some of my aunt and uncle's friends asked me this on the beach one day and they're

01:26:24.540 like, wow, tell us how you really feel.

01:26:26.700 You guys asked me.

01:26:28.160 This is the truth.

01:26:28.960 I felt like I was, uh, and that has gone away and I knew where my life would kind of go,

01:26:35.120 but it is, it is.

01:26:37.360 I never knew where it would take me when I got sober clearly.

01:26:40.380 And it, it, it, welcome to hell.

01:26:43.660 Apparently as my dad goes to the dark side, um, I just never knew.

01:26:48.880 And it's been, it's just exciting and terrifying.

01:26:54.900 But like you said, I've already more terrifying to me is relapsing or losing.

01:27:03.220 I feel comfortable in my own skin now.

01:27:05.460 I did not ever feel that way.

01:27:07.180 I don't, I, I feel like the shame has, I don't have that shame that I came into the program

01:27:13.700 with the shame of things I had done to myself, been allowed just all of the,

01:27:18.760 the shame that I came in with, um, and into sobriety, I feel like is gone.

01:27:25.100 You know, that doesn't mean that there aren't massive blind spots that are going to pop up

01:27:30.460 and say, here's your lesson.

01:27:32.540 Best advice I ever got from an alcoholic, um, was when you least expect it, expect it.

01:27:39.280 Because you're, you know, you better than anybody else.

01:27:43.840 And so you've prepared all these defenses and all of a sudden one day you'll find yourself.

01:27:50.180 And this, uh, this happened to me about five years in and I'm like, oh my gosh,

01:27:54.800 if he hadn't have told me this, I would have failed.

01:27:57.460 When you least expect it, expect it.

01:28:00.280 Because your brain will find a way, a pathway, and it will come to you as completely reasonable.

01:28:09.380 Oh, totally.

01:28:10.160 Yeah.

01:28:10.380 And you're like, whoa.

01:28:12.500 You have that coin because I was sitting alone at the bar just waiting, you know,

01:28:17.600 going to get dinner and I, I feel the craving really isn't there.

01:28:22.440 And then suddenly it was like, oh, that drink looks really good.

01:28:25.300 And I was nervous and feeling, um, all kinds of emotions just in general.

01:28:32.340 I don't like that.

01:28:33.780 And I went to a, you know, I took myself to a meeting, which is the, not my normal behavior.

01:28:39.540 I mean, that's my normal behavior now, but it is that like insidious kind of sneaky and

01:28:46.120 it will seem totally reasonable.

01:28:48.740 It'll come, come through like, oh, this seems like a good idea right now.

01:28:52.500 And I, I would, I would, I get so, when, when I was asking you why you do it, I, it got

01:29:04.240 me thinking about why I am doing this and this conversation, I will have this conversation

01:29:10.660 with anyone.

01:29:11.300 I will, in particular about recovery and getting and shame and feelings of worthlessness.

01:29:16.820 I went on Gavin McGinnis and we talked about my heroin addiction.

01:29:21.300 And I mean, that was like, you know, that was the all right, essentially, as everybody

01:29:27.000 told me.

01:29:28.020 And we talked a lot.

01:29:29.920 No, I'm not saying that.

01:29:31.100 I agree with that.

01:29:31.720 I'm saying that's the perception.

01:29:33.560 Yeah.

01:29:34.780 And, um, I, we mostly talked about my addiction recovery and the path.

01:29:42.600 And I cannot tell you how many emails I've received from people who saw that show.

01:29:47.320 And we talked about kind of signs to look for with your teenagers.

01:29:50.560 If they, if he said, you know, what could somebody have looked for with you if, and when you were

01:29:56.300 a teenager, how could they have known that something traumatic had happened to you?

01:29:59.580 And we talked about that and people have emailed me and I've talked to people's kids who are

01:30:05.040 struggling with addiction.

01:30:06.280 And we have a massive opioid addiction crisis in this country right now.

01:30:12.380 That's just somehow, you know, people are struggling with this and yeah, that's, that's more important

01:30:18.400 to me than all the noise, all of it.

01:30:21.180 It's, it's, it is the most important thing to me.

01:30:24.860 Will you do me a favor?

01:30:25.960 Yes.

01:30:27.180 Will you keep a diary that is just of...

01:30:31.220 For you.

01:30:31.960 No.

01:30:32.600 Dear Glenn.

01:30:33.600 Keep a diary of just those things.

01:30:37.220 Because when you start to feel worthless, because I, I can't, I don't know if we feel

01:30:43.440 the same way.

01:30:44.180 I feel like, I guess worthless, that what I do has absolutely no value.

01:30:50.100 It's just all bad.

01:30:51.740 What keeps you, what are the things that inspire you?

01:30:54.260 Things like this, the, the emails from people, the personal individuals.

01:30:58.580 I remember the people who will come up and say, you changed my life and I don't know them.

01:31:05.520 I don't see them.

01:31:06.780 I only get, people don't say that to you all the time.

01:31:10.500 No, no.

01:31:11.140 You hear more of the noise.

01:31:12.240 You need to keep a good noise journal.

01:31:15.760 That's a really good idea, actually.

01:31:18.120 That is a good idea.

01:31:19.420 I will do that.

01:31:20.380 One more favor?

01:31:21.280 Yes.

01:31:21.840 Will you come back?

01:31:22.700 I will.

01:31:23.480 Great.

01:31:23.880 I would love to.

01:31:24.540 Good.

01:31:25.020 Thank you for having me.

01:31:26.040 You bet.

01:31:32.100 Just a reminder, I'd love you to rate and subscribe to the podcast and pass this on to a friend

01:31:37.720 so it can be discovered by other people.

01:31:42.240 Good to be.

01:31:42.760 Good to be.

01:31:47.300 Good to be.

01:31:47.880 Good to be.

01:31:54.420 Good to be.

01:31:56.900 Good to be.

01:31:57.940 Good to be.

01:31:59.000 Good to be.

01:31:59.480 Good to be.

01:32:01.060 Good to be.

01:32:01.440 Good to be.

01:32:03.460 Good to be.

01:32:04.560 Good to be.

01:32:07.180 Good to be.

01:32:08.340 Good to be.

The Glenn Beck Program - June 01, 2019

Ep 39 ｜ Bridget Phetasy ｜ The Glenn Beck Podcast

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