The Golden One - November 13, 2025


Lessons From My Depression

Topics
depression spiral thoughts face the issues Head Inn thought management
Hosted by
Marcus Follin
Mentioned
Damocles Ullr
Very Important When Injured! Tragedy in Stockholm, Sweden

Episode Stats


Length

17 minutes

Words per minute

163.75

Word count

2,798

Sentence count

187

Harmful content

Misogyny

2

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I share a few insights from my own experience with depression this year, and how I was able to overcome it. I hope this episode sheds some light on the topic of depression and how you can overcome it too.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 All right, as you see in the title, I want to share a few insights, a few lessons from my depression.
00:00:07.020 Yes, it pains me to admit that I've been depressed this year.
00:00:12.020 Now, this isn't something I admit lightly.
00:00:14.540 I'm doing it so that hopefully I can share some enlightenment that will help you if you end up in a situation
00:00:23.200 so that you can keep my insights in mind as you try to stave off the situation before it deteriorates
00:00:31.920 because that is something you can view it as, that you sort of either have a forward momentum in life
00:00:38.780 or you stagnate and then you start to spiral down.
00:00:42.760 So you want to halt the downward spiral as soon as possible, otherwise it will be worse.
00:00:49.440 So, something important to keep in mind when we're talking about this downward spiral
00:00:55.420 is that your thoughts, they can literally shape patterns in your brain.
00:01:02.280 So if you think a thought, often enough it will be like a river.
00:01:07.220 You know, when a river is formed, it goes, you know, in a landscape and it sort of forms the river
00:01:13.120 and then more water can come there.
00:01:15.120 So you can think the same way when it comes to thoughts.
00:01:18.540 So if you have certain thoughts, that will reinforce similar thoughts.
00:01:24.040 And this can be something good and this can be something bad.
00:01:26.980 So when we're talking about such a thing as a depression, you want to halt it as soon as possible
00:01:33.280 so that your thoughts, the riverbed, as it were, it doesn't get deeper.
00:01:39.820 It doesn't get, it doesn't facilitate the flow of more bad thoughts, so to speak.
00:01:46.520 So instead you want to, you know, try to redirect the thoughts as much as possible.
00:01:51.580 Now, in my particular case, I encourage you to listen to or watch my video titled
00:01:58.180 I messed up so you get the background for my own bad situation.
00:02:03.000 So, yeah, I'm not going to repeat what I said there, but I reached a low point when I was in the car
00:02:09.180 and I thought to myself, I wouldn't care if I crashed now.
00:02:13.600 Now, very important to keep in mind, this was a thought.
00:02:17.700 You are not your thoughts and I would never ever entertain doing anything irresponsible
00:02:24.160 because I have many duties to attend to, so I would never entertain any such thought.
00:02:29.660 So when the thought came to me, I analysed it, I contemplated why on earth such a thought would come to me
00:02:37.520 but anyway, I viewed it as a sign that something is not quite right.
00:02:42.520 So that was the moment I understood that I was not in a good place mentally.
00:02:47.380 Now, to recap, some things I've said in other videos as well.
00:02:52.880 I've lived under the Damocles sword for like 10 years, every single day waking up not knowing what sort of thing will hit me today
00:03:00.960 and especially this year, especially earlier this year, was a period where every single day waking up with anxiety for, you know,
00:03:09.940 there will be something hitting me today.
00:03:11.980 I don't know what, but it will be some sort of bad news.
00:03:14.220 And I could keep it up in previous years quite well.
00:03:18.820 You know, I've been hit with many different things over all of these years.
00:03:22.440 I could take it, you know, and keep moving forward because I had a good momentum.
00:03:28.180 But this particular year, it was just too much.
00:03:30.920 It was too much for me to keep a forward momentum.
00:03:34.160 So it was just being, you know, hammered with blows from every direction and it was too much.
00:03:40.160 It was too much.
00:03:40.900 So then I started to feel quite bad, quite bad indeed.
00:03:45.040 So a lot of stress, a lot of bad news, a lot of bad things happening.
00:03:49.360 And again, this comes, you know, after a long period, many, many years of a lot of stress.
00:03:55.500 Stress I could handle with, you know, in a good way, if I may say so myself.
00:04:01.500 But now it simply became too much.
00:04:05.920 And also if I analyze the situation, didn't really do many stimulating things either.
00:04:12.980 So it was only just taking a long beating for a long time.
00:04:18.440 So that is basically what happened.
00:04:20.220 That is basically where I was at mentally.
00:04:23.140 I feel better now, still not super good.
00:04:27.000 I can't really sleep all too well because I'm still stressed and everything like that.
00:04:30.720 But I don't feel as bad anymore.
00:04:34.200 Now, anyway, some lessons I have learned.
00:04:37.820 First and foremost, perhaps the biggest lesson is that you do want to halt your thoughts.
00:04:45.040 So they don't, you know, deepen or broaden the riverbed so that more thoughts don't follow.
00:04:53.920 So as Julius Evola, he shares in one of his books a very profound teaching about being the master of your thoughts.
00:05:03.560 So that you can actually steer your thoughts yourself.
00:05:06.160 Now, this is, it sounds easy to steer your own thoughts.
00:05:10.140 But it can be really, really hard if you are in that situation when bad thoughts come to you.
00:05:14.820 When you hear, you know, thoughts saying to you that it's over, that bad things will happen.
00:05:20.720 And especially if bad things keep on happening, it sort of reality reinforces your negative thoughts.
00:05:26.740 So it can be quite hard to utilize this teaching in live, so to speak.
00:05:34.500 But you can try it at least.
00:05:36.320 I've tried it as well.
00:05:37.300 I do try to steer my thoughts in a better direction.
00:05:41.300 So you can always try to think about what you're grateful for.
00:05:44.820 So now I'm thinking about, you know, I'm grateful for, you know, I can talk, I can walk, I can use my hands, my eyes, my mind is still sharp, my body is healthy, my family is healthy.
00:05:59.480 So I steer my thoughts, I think those thoughts, and that will reinforce positive thoughts.
00:06:06.440 So I can decide which river to broaden, to deepen.
00:06:11.040 Yes, I want to deepen and broaden the river that flows with positive thoughts.
00:06:16.780 So easy in theory, hard in practice, very hard in practice, especially if, you know, bad thoughts come to you.
00:06:24.220 You can't sleep, you're stressed, you are in that situation.
00:06:28.480 But you can try it at least.
00:06:30.700 And also, of course, needless to say, don't show it to anyone who doesn't need to know.
00:06:36.760 I'm making this video now.
00:06:38.360 Sure, I am, you know, admitting to some weakness.
00:06:42.000 But I'm doing it, so I'm doing it for a good cause at least, so that I can hopefully share some good advice if you end up in this situation.
00:06:51.000 So otherwise, you don't need to do it.
00:06:52.620 And of course, you should never show it to, you know, if you have children or anything like that.
00:06:56.680 So you should, you know, keep a good face.
00:06:59.880 And soldier on.
00:07:03.080 And also, of course, what I did, I didn't miss a day of anything.
00:07:06.660 I didn't, well, I did feel sorry for myself, but I didn't let that interfere with anything that needed to be done.
00:07:13.040 So the last thing you want to do is to, you know, go around like this, to not engage with life.
00:07:21.240 So always do everything you need to do.
00:07:24.000 Do your duties, your work, train as much as possible if you can.
00:07:28.860 Then, that will help, you know, hormonally speaking as well, that you get nice endorphins and stuff like that.
00:07:37.180 So, and also, if you do start to skip your duties, then that will also be a way for you to spiral downwards.
00:07:46.440 But instead, if you do your work, you do, you know, small accomplishments each day, you do train, you do small things.
00:07:54.220 Those are victories that will actually push you up again, so you get a small momentum.
00:07:58.860 So, that is what I did.
00:08:00.340 I'm happy I didn't, you know, feel so bad that I stopped doing certain things.
00:08:06.280 Now, I will say also that if you know yourself that you haven't really done anything fun for a long time,
00:08:12.380 and I caught myself here as well.
00:08:14.600 I thought, when was the last time I did something that didn't have to do with some sort of chore or work or stress or whatever it might be.
00:08:23.560 So, think about that as well, that if you don't do anything stimulating for a long time,
00:08:28.860 yes, it might not be super, super complicated to understand that you might end up feeling bad with yourself.
00:08:36.680 So, that is something to keep in mind, and spend time with others.
00:08:42.140 You don't want to be alone.
00:08:43.400 That's also a recipe for disaster.
00:08:46.780 So, if you seclude yourself from the world, from life, you know, humans are social creatures.
00:08:53.280 Everyone needs company.
00:08:54.720 And if you're a man, you need to spend time with other men.
00:08:58.240 If you don't, then you will be more stressed.
00:09:01.200 You're not meant to face, you know, the hardships of life yourself.
00:09:05.160 You're supposed to have brothers at your side who can keep you up.
00:09:10.340 And you can notice this as well, actually, if you feel a bit down,
00:09:14.640 and then you spend time in good company, doing whatever, going to the sauna or whatever it might be,
00:09:19.920 you'll feel happier after.
00:09:21.040 So, that's also a lesson you can keep in mind that you do want to spend time with your mates.
00:09:28.260 And also, in terms of mentality, how you view such a situation is that
00:09:33.140 the only way past the bad period is to go through it.
00:09:40.840 So, it's not to go back.
00:09:42.260 It's not to escape.
00:09:43.200 You simply have to bite down and to, you know, push through.
00:09:46.440 Because otherwise, you might end up in a bad situation where, you know, you want to escape.
00:09:53.940 You want to escape life.
00:09:55.360 And therefore, you don't deal with whatever you need to deal with.
00:09:58.880 And then you will only be in a much worse situation.
00:10:01.660 So, face the issues head on.
00:10:04.380 Confront your issues as soon as possible.
00:10:06.440 As soon as you encounter them, so that you don't postpone it.
00:10:12.880 Because it will not be easier later on.
00:10:15.600 And if you do encounter an issue, and if you solve it immediately, you will get a small victory in your mind.
00:10:22.280 So, what you want to do is to build the momentum in your mind.
00:10:27.440 Victory after victory.
00:10:29.420 That's the first thing you want to do.
00:10:32.040 The last thing you want to do is to be passive.
00:10:35.040 To just take a beating without hitting back.
00:10:37.360 You don't want to stand still.
00:10:38.780 Because when you stand still, you will, you know, slowly sink into a dark pit of despair.
00:10:46.280 So, be proactive.
00:10:47.660 And then, of course, something to keep in mind is that this can happen.
00:10:53.640 It happened to me.
00:10:54.320 I didn't think it would happen to me as enlightened and powerful mentally as I am.
00:10:59.800 So, I'm quite thankful that I knew many of these things beforehand.
00:11:03.800 That, you know, the power of the mind and everything like that.
00:11:08.260 Hadn't I known and had I been in this situation, maybe I would have felt even worse.
00:11:12.700 But now I could at least.
00:11:14.040 Bad situation, but I could get out from it.
00:11:16.160 Now, of course, when you go through bad times like this, you can utilize a little bit of good old stoicism.
00:11:24.220 Stoicism coupled with a certain sense of aggression.
00:11:28.140 And when I say aggression, I mean it in the sense that, as I just mentioned, that you should, you know, confront every problem as soon as possible.
00:11:36.860 So, you don't let them linger and linger and gain strength so that you deal with it as soon as possible.
00:11:44.900 And, yeah, you can also try to occupy your mind with something that is stimulating, again, so you don't reinforce the bad thought patterns.
00:11:57.540 Because that is, again, perhaps the most vital insight here is to not obsess over your thoughts.
00:12:06.740 To not beat yourself up.
00:12:08.460 And to keep in mind here as well that you are not your thoughts.
00:12:11.940 Your thoughts can come from wherever.
00:12:13.840 So, you can view it as a, you know, a demon or whatever.
00:12:18.840 You know, sending you bad thoughts as a way to attack you.
00:12:21.760 So, when you have a bad thought saying that it's over, counter that bad thought with a thought of your own.
00:12:28.340 Saying that you will fight to the bitter end to achieve your goals.
00:12:32.500 So, for me, for example, if I feel my company being threatened, I can, you know, acknowledge that it's a bad situation.
00:12:44.420 And my response is then to fight until the bitter end or until I manage to turn things around.
00:12:52.380 So, that's approaching it in a high-thumos way.
00:12:57.480 That you counter all of these bad thoughts with thoughts of your own.
00:13:02.640 So, view it in that sense that someone can, you know, send almost like an attack.
00:13:08.720 If we LARP a bit, if we Schizomax a bit, you can view it as a demonic attack.
00:13:14.360 Because, after all, you can produce thoughts.
00:13:18.260 Thoughts can come to you.
00:13:19.220 It's a very complicated topic, talking about thoughts.
00:13:23.100 But, if you make the distinction between a benevolent thought that is being sent by a benevolent source,
00:13:30.980 it's good.
00:13:33.020 Something you can embrace.
00:13:34.700 If a bad thought comes to you, then you can acknowledge it, of course.
00:13:39.100 You can analyze it.
00:13:40.320 You can say and ask yourself, where does it come from?
00:13:44.300 What does it mean?
00:13:45.480 But, then you can also view it when it comes to a repeating thought.
00:13:51.040 That's an attack.
00:13:52.380 So, first, if a certain thought comes to you, yeah, think about it.
00:13:57.560 But, if it becomes like a, almost like a self-harm thought pattern, then you have, you can view it as an attack, simply put, from whatever entity you, you, you deem it reasonable to, to call it.
00:14:11.560 But, at the risk of repeating myself, try to stop these bad thought patterns as soon as possible.
00:14:18.940 So, anyway, to conclude, aside from that, the main point, stay on top of everything.
00:14:27.660 Don't outsource your stress to others.
00:14:30.840 You, as a man, you have to deal with it yourself.
00:14:33.040 You have to, you know, overcome that yourself.
00:14:36.440 Spend time with others, with other men.
00:14:39.620 Do fun things also.
00:14:41.180 Now, of course, time is of the essence for everyone.
00:14:43.520 Everyone has to work 24-7 in this dreary economy.
00:14:48.540 So, no one really has the time to do much fun, but it is what it is.
00:14:52.640 Try to, at least, do something once a month, or, I don't know, depends on your schedule, of course.
00:14:59.280 So, and then also train, try to do, try to keep a good training schedule, so that you, you know, get the nice hormones after training, and that you stay on top of that momentum, at least.
00:15:13.760 And then, when you are out of the depression, or the bad period, you have, at least, you don't need to restart on these things.
00:15:21.280 And if you've stayed on top of your work, as well, then, yeah, you can just resume with, with a better attitude.
00:15:27.680 So, don't let the depression win over you.
00:15:33.020 The way a depression can win over you, or a demon can win over you, if you, if you want to use that terminology, is when you stop going forward.
00:15:41.200 And again, in my case, it was hard to, you know, keep a good momentum, but I've at least, you know, taken care of business, and done everything I need to do.
00:15:49.740 And now I've started on my third book, which is going well.
00:15:53.700 So, yeah, I'll continue doing that.
00:15:55.800 I might do the following over Christmas, to take a break from writing the book.
00:16:01.520 Perhaps I'll paint some Warhammer, spend some time with the family, and everything like that, and hopefully that will restore my levels of joy even more.
00:16:11.280 And, of course, Julia and I went to Gotland for a few days in summer, as well, and that was very needed, indeed.
00:16:16.840 So, that really recharged my spirit.
00:16:21.120 So, anyway, I hope that was somewhat insightful.
00:16:23.880 And if you struggle with some sort of depression, do try to keep these things in mind, and view it as a mental battle also.
00:16:30.940 So, do try to steer your thoughts in a good direction, so that the positive patterns are reinforced, so that the river of positive thoughts, that is being deepened and broadened.
00:16:43.880 So, anyway, head over to legiogloria.com, place a massive order, especially, as I've said in a few videos, recent videos, the Ullr's undergarments, perfect for autumn and winter.
00:16:58.700 So, yes, anyway, thank you for watching, and thank you for your support, XXO.
00:17:03.880 Boom! 0.99
00:17:04.220 Boom! 0.99