The Golden One - November 13, 2025


Lessons From My Depression


Episode Stats

Length

17 minutes

Words per Minute

163.75021

Word Count

2,798

Sentence Count

185

Misogynist Sentences

2


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 All right, as you see in the title, I want to share a few insights, a few lessons from my depression.
00:00:07.020 Yes, it pains me to admit that I've been depressed this year.
00:00:12.020 Now, this isn't something I admit lightly.
00:00:14.540 I'm doing it so that hopefully I can share some enlightenment that will help you if you end up in a situation
00:00:23.200 so that you can keep my insights in mind as you try to stave off the situation before it deteriorates
00:00:31.920 because that is something you can view it as, that you sort of either have a forward momentum in life
00:00:38.780 or you stagnate and then you start to spiral down.
00:00:42.760 So you want to halt the downward spiral as soon as possible, otherwise it will be worse.
00:00:49.440 So, something important to keep in mind when we're talking about this downward spiral
00:00:55.420 is that your thoughts, they can literally shape patterns in your brain.
00:01:02.280 So if you think a thought, often enough it will be like a river.
00:01:07.220 You know, when a river is formed, it goes, you know, in a landscape and it sort of forms the river
00:01:13.120 and then more water can come there.
00:01:15.120 So you can think the same way when it comes to thoughts.
00:01:18.540 So if you have certain thoughts, that will reinforce similar thoughts.
00:01:24.040 And this can be something good and this can be something bad.
00:01:26.980 So when we're talking about such a thing as a depression, you want to halt it as soon as possible
00:01:33.280 so that your thoughts, the riverbed, as it were, it doesn't get deeper.
00:01:39.820 It doesn't get, it doesn't facilitate the flow of more bad thoughts, so to speak.
00:01:46.520 So instead you want to, you know, try to redirect the thoughts as much as possible.
00:01:51.580 Now, in my particular case, I encourage you to listen to or watch my video titled
00:01:58.180 I messed up so you get the background for my own bad situation.
00:02:03.000 So, yeah, I'm not going to repeat what I said there, but I reached a low point when I was in the car
00:02:09.180 and I thought to myself, I wouldn't care if I crashed now.
00:02:13.600 Now, very important to keep in mind, this was a thought.
00:02:17.700 You are not your thoughts and I would never ever entertain doing anything irresponsible
00:02:24.160 because I have many duties to attend to, so I would never entertain any such thought.
00:02:29.660 So when the thought came to me, I analysed it, I contemplated why on earth such a thought would come to me
00:02:37.520 but anyway, I viewed it as a sign that something is not quite right.
00:02:42.520 So that was the moment I understood that I was not in a good place mentally.
00:02:47.380 Now, to recap, some things I've said in other videos as well.
00:02:52.880 I've lived under the Damocles sword for like 10 years, every single day waking up not knowing what sort of thing will hit me today
00:03:00.960 and especially this year, especially earlier this year, was a period where every single day waking up with anxiety for, you know,
00:03:09.940 there will be something hitting me today.
00:03:11.980 I don't know what, but it will be some sort of bad news.
00:03:14.220 And I could keep it up in previous years quite well.
00:03:18.820 You know, I've been hit with many different things over all of these years.
00:03:22.440 I could take it, you know, and keep moving forward because I had a good momentum.
00:03:28.180 But this particular year, it was just too much.
00:03:30.920 It was too much for me to keep a forward momentum.
00:03:34.160 So it was just being, you know, hammered with blows from every direction and it was too much.
00:03:40.160 It was too much.
00:03:40.900 So then I started to feel quite bad, quite bad indeed.
00:03:45.040 So a lot of stress, a lot of bad news, a lot of bad things happening.
00:03:49.360 And again, this comes, you know, after a long period, many, many years of a lot of stress.
00:03:55.500 Stress I could handle with, you know, in a good way, if I may say so myself.
00:04:01.500 But now it simply became too much.
00:04:05.920 And also if I analyze the situation, didn't really do many stimulating things either.
00:04:12.980 So it was only just taking a long beating for a long time.
00:04:18.440 So that is basically what happened.
00:04:20.220 That is basically where I was at mentally.
00:04:23.140 I feel better now, still not super good.
00:04:27.000 I can't really sleep all too well because I'm still stressed and everything like that.
00:04:30.720 But I don't feel as bad anymore.
00:04:34.200 Now, anyway, some lessons I have learned.
00:04:37.820 First and foremost, perhaps the biggest lesson is that you do want to halt your thoughts.
00:04:45.040 So they don't, you know, deepen or broaden the riverbed so that more thoughts don't follow.
00:04:53.920 So as Julius Evola, he shares in one of his books a very profound teaching about being the master of your thoughts.
00:05:03.560 So that you can actually steer your thoughts yourself.
00:05:06.160 Now, this is, it sounds easy to steer your own thoughts.
00:05:10.140 But it can be really, really hard if you are in that situation when bad thoughts come to you.
00:05:14.820 When you hear, you know, thoughts saying to you that it's over, that bad things will happen.
00:05:20.720 And especially if bad things keep on happening, it sort of reality reinforces your negative thoughts.
00:05:26.740 So it can be quite hard to utilize this teaching in live, so to speak.
00:05:34.500 But you can try it at least.
00:05:36.320 I've tried it as well.
00:05:37.300 I do try to steer my thoughts in a better direction.
00:05:41.300 So you can always try to think about what you're grateful for.
00:05:44.820 So now I'm thinking about, you know, I'm grateful for, you know, I can talk, I can walk, I can use my hands, my eyes, my mind is still sharp, my body is healthy, my family is healthy.
00:05:59.480 So I steer my thoughts, I think those thoughts, and that will reinforce positive thoughts.
00:06:06.440 So I can decide which river to broaden, to deepen.
00:06:11.040 Yes, I want to deepen and broaden the river that flows with positive thoughts.
00:06:16.780 So easy in theory, hard in practice, very hard in practice, especially if, you know, bad thoughts come to you.
00:06:24.220 You can't sleep, you're stressed, you are in that situation.
00:06:28.480 But you can try it at least.
00:06:30.700 And also, of course, needless to say, don't show it to anyone who doesn't need to know.
00:06:36.760 I'm making this video now.
00:06:38.360 Sure, I am, you know, admitting to some weakness.
00:06:42.000 But I'm doing it, so I'm doing it for a good cause at least, so that I can hopefully share some good advice if you end up in this situation.
00:06:51.000 So otherwise, you don't need to do it.
00:06:52.620 And of course, you should never show it to, you know, if you have children or anything like that.
00:06:56.680 So you should, you know, keep a good face.
00:06:59.880 And soldier on.
00:07:03.080 And also, of course, what I did, I didn't miss a day of anything.
00:07:06.660 I didn't, well, I did feel sorry for myself, but I didn't let that interfere with anything that needed to be done.
00:07:13.040 So the last thing you want to do is to, you know, go around like this, to not engage with life.
00:07:21.240 So always do everything you need to do.
00:07:24.000 Do your duties, your work, train as much as possible if you can.
00:07:28.860 Then, that will help, you know, hormonally speaking as well, that you get nice endorphins and stuff like that.
00:07:37.180 So, and also, if you do start to skip your duties, then that will also be a way for you to spiral downwards.
00:07:46.440 But instead, if you do your work, you do, you know, small accomplishments each day, you do train, you do small things.
00:07:54.220 Those are victories that will actually push you up again, so you get a small momentum.
00:07:58.860 So, that is what I did.
00:08:00.340 I'm happy I didn't, you know, feel so bad that I stopped doing certain things.
00:08:06.280 Now, I will say also that if you know yourself that you haven't really done anything fun for a long time,
00:08:12.380 and I caught myself here as well.
00:08:14.600 I thought, when was the last time I did something that didn't have to do with some sort of chore or work or stress or whatever it might be.
00:08:23.560 So, think about that as well, that if you don't do anything stimulating for a long time,
00:08:28.860 yes, it might not be super, super complicated to understand that you might end up feeling bad with yourself.
00:08:36.680 So, that is something to keep in mind, and spend time with others.
00:08:42.140 You don't want to be alone.
00:08:43.400 That's also a recipe for disaster.
00:08:46.780 So, if you seclude yourself from the world, from life, you know, humans are social creatures.
00:08:53.280 Everyone needs company.
00:08:54.720 And if you're a man, you need to spend time with other men.
00:08:58.240 If you don't, then you will be more stressed.
00:09:01.200 You're not meant to face, you know, the hardships of life yourself.
00:09:05.160 You're supposed to have brothers at your side who can keep you up.
00:09:10.340 And you can notice this as well, actually, if you feel a bit down,
00:09:14.640 and then you spend time in good company, doing whatever, going to the sauna or whatever it might be,
00:09:19.920 you'll feel happier after.
00:09:21.040 So, that's also a lesson you can keep in mind that you do want to spend time with your mates.
00:09:28.260 And also, in terms of mentality, how you view such a situation is that
00:09:33.140 the only way past the bad period is to go through it.
00:09:40.840 So, it's not to go back.
00:09:42.260 It's not to escape.
00:09:43.200 You simply have to bite down and to, you know, push through.
00:09:46.440 Because otherwise, you might end up in a bad situation where, you know, you want to escape.
00:09:53.940 You want to escape life.
00:09:55.360 And therefore, you don't deal with whatever you need to deal with.
00:09:58.880 And then you will only be in a much worse situation.
00:10:01.660 So, face the issues head on.
00:10:04.380 Confront your issues as soon as possible.
00:10:06.440 As soon as you encounter them, so that you don't postpone it.
00:10:12.880 Because it will not be easier later on.
00:10:15.600 And if you do encounter an issue, and if you solve it immediately, you will get a small victory in your mind.
00:10:22.280 So, what you want to do is to build the momentum in your mind.
00:10:27.440 Victory after victory.
00:10:29.420 That's the first thing you want to do.
00:10:32.040 The last thing you want to do is to be passive.
00:10:35.040 To just take a beating without hitting back.
00:10:37.360 You don't want to stand still.
00:10:38.780 Because when you stand still, you will, you know, slowly sink into a dark pit of despair.
00:10:46.280 So, be proactive.
00:10:47.660 And then, of course, something to keep in mind is that this can happen.
00:10:53.640 It happened to me.
00:10:54.320 I didn't think it would happen to me as enlightened and powerful mentally as I am.
00:10:59.800 So, I'm quite thankful that I knew many of these things beforehand.
00:11:03.800 That, you know, the power of the mind and everything like that.
00:11:08.260 Hadn't I known and had I been in this situation, maybe I would have felt even worse.
00:11:12.700 But now I could at least.
00:11:14.040 Bad situation, but I could get out from it.
00:11:16.160 Now, of course, when you go through bad times like this, you can utilize a little bit of good old stoicism.
00:11:24.220 Stoicism coupled with a certain sense of aggression.
00:11:28.140 And when I say aggression, I mean it in the sense that, as I just mentioned, that you should, you know, confront every problem as soon as possible.
00:11:36.860 So, you don't let them linger and linger and gain strength so that you deal with it as soon as possible.
00:11:44.900 And, yeah, you can also try to occupy your mind with something that is stimulating, again, so you don't reinforce the bad thought patterns.
00:11:57.540 Because that is, again, perhaps the most vital insight here is to not obsess over your thoughts.
00:12:06.740 To not beat yourself up.
00:12:08.460 And to keep in mind here as well that you are not your thoughts.
00:12:11.940 Your thoughts can come from wherever.
00:12:13.840 So, you can view it as a, you know, a demon or whatever.
00:12:18.840 You know, sending you bad thoughts as a way to attack you.
00:12:21.760 So, when you have a bad thought saying that it's over, counter that bad thought with a thought of your own.
00:12:28.340 Saying that you will fight to the bitter end to achieve your goals.
00:12:32.500 So, for me, for example, if I feel my company being threatened, I can, you know, acknowledge that it's a bad situation.
00:12:44.420 And my response is then to fight until the bitter end or until I manage to turn things around.
00:12:52.380 So, that's approaching it in a high-thumos way.
00:12:57.480 That you counter all of these bad thoughts with thoughts of your own.
00:13:02.640 So, view it in that sense that someone can, you know, send almost like an attack.
00:13:08.720 If we LARP a bit, if we Schizomax a bit, you can view it as a demonic attack.
00:13:14.360 Because, after all, you can produce thoughts.
00:13:18.260 Thoughts can come to you.
00:13:19.220 It's a very complicated topic, talking about thoughts.
00:13:23.100 But, if you make the distinction between a benevolent thought that is being sent by a benevolent source,
00:13:30.980 it's good.
00:13:33.020 Something you can embrace.
00:13:34.700 If a bad thought comes to you, then you can acknowledge it, of course.
00:13:39.100 You can analyze it.
00:13:40.320 You can say and ask yourself, where does it come from?
00:13:44.300 What does it mean?
00:13:45.480 But, then you can also view it when it comes to a repeating thought.
00:13:51.040 That's an attack.
00:13:52.380 So, first, if a certain thought comes to you, yeah, think about it.
00:13:57.560 But, if it becomes like a, almost like a self-harm thought pattern, then you have, you can view it as an attack, simply put, from whatever entity you, you, you deem it reasonable to, to call it.
00:14:11.560 But, at the risk of repeating myself, try to stop these bad thought patterns as soon as possible.
00:14:18.940 So, anyway, to conclude, aside from that, the main point, stay on top of everything.
00:14:27.660 Don't outsource your stress to others.
00:14:30.840 You, as a man, you have to deal with it yourself.
00:14:33.040 You have to, you know, overcome that yourself.
00:14:36.440 Spend time with others, with other men.
00:14:39.620 Do fun things also.
00:14:41.180 Now, of course, time is of the essence for everyone.
00:14:43.520 Everyone has to work 24-7 in this dreary economy.
00:14:48.540 So, no one really has the time to do much fun, but it is what it is.
00:14:52.640 Try to, at least, do something once a month, or, I don't know, depends on your schedule, of course.
00:14:59.280 So, and then also train, try to do, try to keep a good training schedule, so that you, you know, get the nice hormones after training, and that you stay on top of that momentum, at least.
00:15:13.760 And then, when you are out of the depression, or the bad period, you have, at least, you don't need to restart on these things.
00:15:21.280 And if you've stayed on top of your work, as well, then, yeah, you can just resume with, with a better attitude.
00:15:27.680 So, don't let the depression win over you.
00:15:33.020 The way a depression can win over you, or a demon can win over you, if you, if you want to use that terminology, is when you stop going forward.
00:15:41.200 And again, in my case, it was hard to, you know, keep a good momentum, but I've at least, you know, taken care of business, and done everything I need to do.
00:15:49.740 And now I've started on my third book, which is going well.
00:15:53.700 So, yeah, I'll continue doing that.
00:15:55.800 I might do the following over Christmas, to take a break from writing the book.
00:16:01.520 Perhaps I'll paint some Warhammer, spend some time with the family, and everything like that, and hopefully that will restore my levels of joy even more.
00:16:11.280 And, of course, Julia and I went to Gotland for a few days in summer, as well, and that was very needed, indeed.
00:16:16.840 So, that really recharged my spirit.
00:16:21.120 So, anyway, I hope that was somewhat insightful.
00:16:23.880 And if you struggle with some sort of depression, do try to keep these things in mind, and view it as a mental battle also.
00:16:30.940 So, do try to steer your thoughts in a good direction, so that the positive patterns are reinforced, so that the river of positive thoughts, that is being deepened and broadened.
00:16:43.880 So, anyway, head over to legiogloria.com, place a massive order, especially, as I've said in a few videos, recent videos, the Ullr's undergarments, perfect for autumn and winter.
00:16:58.700 So, yes, anyway, thank you for watching, and thank you for your support, XXO.
00:17:03.880 Boom!
00:17:04.220 Boom!