The Joe Rogan Experience - December 24, 2009


Joe Rogan Experience #1 - Brian Redban


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 2 minutes

Words per Minute

185.44261

Word Count

22,658

Sentence Count

2,493

Misogynist Sentences

98

Hate Speech Sentences

83


Summary

It's Christmas Eve, and we're doing a live stream on Twitch.tv/JoeRoganLive, where we talk about what's going on in our lives, what we're drinking, and how we're feeling this Christmas Eve. We also talk about how snowflakes are annoying, and why we don't like them. Also, we discuss how much we're getting paid for streaming live on Twitch, and what we would like to see in the future of streaming on Twitch and other streaming services like it. Finally, we answer a bunch of questions from the live streamers, and answer some of your questions too! Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays from Joe Rogan and the rest of the Rogans! -Joe Rogan Live is a weekly stream hosted by the Crew at Twitch, where they talk about anything and everything, including current events, pop culture, and pop culture. If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts! We'll be looking out for the next episode next Tuesday! Thanks for listening, and Merry Christmas! XOXO, Brogan & Joe Rogans. -The Rogans' Office -Jon Sorrentino - The Rogans Crew - The Crew and the Crew's Christmas Present - The Jerks & The Rogan's Christmas Tree - The Squeak Crew - And much, much love, Jonestowns! -Jonestown, Jonestrocks, the Rogan & the Crew, and the Squeep, and much, and much more! . . . - Jonestros, the Crew. . , and the crew at Twitch! , Thank you so much for listening to this episode, and thank you for listening and supporting us with your support, and all the love and support and support us, and God bless you, and your support is so much love & support us with all your support and appreciation, we appreciate you all so much, thank you, we really appreciate it, and so much more, and keep on giving us a chance to do this, we'll see you. XO, and love you, bye, bye! -BOOYO! -JORDY, JORDY & GABBY! -ROBBY, BOBBY & GOBBIE!


Transcript

00:00:02.000 Start Broadcast.
00:00:05.000 And then...
00:00:07.000 Update to Twitter.
00:00:09.000 Update to Twitter.
00:00:12.000 And then I always like to watch my own channel.
00:00:16.000 So let's go to your own channel.
00:00:20.000 so you can see what the chat is.
00:00:22.000 And then I press pause on that, you know.
00:00:36.000 On this?
00:00:37.000 No, no.
00:00:38.000 On the one on the channel.
00:00:39.000 Right.
00:00:42.000 And then update your internet tonight.
00:00:47.000 Update my internet?
00:00:47.000 Or go through the faster one.
00:00:49.000 Yeah.
00:00:50.000 Faster, right?
00:00:51.000 You're going to get addicted to this.
00:00:52.000 Oh, nice colors.
00:00:54.000 Pretty.
00:00:55.000 Pretty, pretty.
00:01:02.000 This is all strip before.
00:01:12.000 21 minutes ago.
00:01:14.000 Oh, that's Twitter.
00:01:14.000 See?
00:01:15.000 Now people are going to ask questions, and it's just going to...
00:01:17.000 Alright, powerful Twitter.
00:01:20.000 Alright, let me go to my website.
00:01:24.000 What is my Ustream?
00:01:26.000 Uh, yeah, just click.
00:01:28.000 Or go back to that other page, you know?
00:01:34.000 Zepha.
00:01:35.000 But that's not it.
00:01:36.000 I think this one is it.
00:01:38.000 Or that one is it.
00:01:39.000 Yeah, you don't want to have too many windows open because you're going to be killing your internet.
00:01:43.000 Right.
00:01:44.000 It's killing it right now.
00:01:45.000 Yeah.
00:01:46.000 So I would accept that one and that one.
00:01:51.000 Maybe even close your tweet deck.
00:01:53.000 Really?
00:01:54.000 Well, not tweet deck, I guess.
00:01:56.000 It only updates every once in a while.
00:02:01.000 I'll log in, all right.
00:02:03.000 She already-- see?
00:02:18.000 You're already getting it.
00:02:20.000 I think that's huge.
00:02:22.000 Yeah, totally.
00:02:26.000 Oh, you got screen burn-in?
00:02:29.000 Huh?
00:02:30.000 You got screen burn-in?
00:02:31.000 What are you talking about?
00:02:32.000 Go back to your message board for a second.
00:02:34.000 That's how I'm on the way right.
00:02:37.000 See that?
00:02:37.000 Yeah, what is that?
00:02:38.000 Looks like screen burn-in.
00:02:40.000 Right, but it's only the image that's below.
00:02:41.000 I think this is a transparency issue Okay what is the channel though?
00:02:51.000 This isn't the channel.
00:02:52.000 It is right...
00:02:54.000 Try upstream...
00:03:01.000 upstream.tv backslash channel Joe Rogan Live.
00:03:06.000 That's it?
00:03:06.000 Yeah, right there.
00:03:07.000 Yeah, you can try you can try it out.
00:03:33.000 Damn, this is slow as fuck right now.
00:03:35.000 Yeah.
00:03:36.000 And then when we get fancy, we could put your website address, we could put graphics and all that stuff.
00:04:03.000 Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do.
00:04:09.000 This is slow as fuck.
00:04:12.000 Pause that one screen, you know, where we're watching yourself live?
00:04:16.000 Yeah.
00:04:20.000 Okay.
00:04:21.000 Hi!
00:04:22.000 Someone says, how you guys doing?
00:04:24.000 hi we're doing great which one is your water this one it's cold hi everybody Okay.
00:04:34.000 If you want to watch the chat, you click on this and people can chat live, you know?
00:04:43.000 Okay.
00:04:44.000 We are broadcasting live.
00:05:00.000 This is my office.
00:05:03.000 This is Brian Reichel, a.k.a.
00:05:08.000 Red Bam.
00:05:13.000 Hello, world.
00:05:17.000 The fuck is going on?
00:05:19.000 Ah, the questions are coming in now.
00:05:22.000 How are you guys doing?
00:05:23.000 We're doing swell.
00:05:26.000 I don't think we're quite high enough for this.
00:05:31.000 Haha, I forgot we even started.
00:05:33.000 Oh my god.
00:05:35.000 Oh.
00:05:37.000 *Sigh* *Sigh* Off camera marijuana use.
00:05:48.000 Pull it into the camera.
00:05:51.000 What the fuck is that?
00:06:01.000 Is there a fire in this room?
00:06:03.000 What's going on?
00:06:04.000 How is the quality sound and video wise?
00:06:08.000 Yeah, how's the quality sound, video wise?
00:06:10.000 Does it sound alright?
00:06:11.000 Can you see us alright?
00:06:12.000 Someone says they're already hard That's amazing.
00:06:24.000 We got somebody hard, dude.
00:06:28.000 Look at this.
00:06:31.000 This is not this.
00:06:34.000 See?
00:06:35.000 This guy here?
00:06:35.000 And this guy's above that, but this guy isn't on this.
00:06:39.000 What's that all about?
00:06:40.000 See?
00:06:41.000 Yeah.
00:06:43.000 Huh.
00:06:45.000 So weird.
00:06:48.000 Dead air bad, Brogan.
00:06:50.000 Where's Goldie?
00:06:51.000 Yeah, we just started this.
00:06:53.000 It's not very good.
00:06:54.000 I apologize.
00:06:56.000 It's that person, probably.
00:06:57.000 No, it's not.
00:06:58.000 See, it's this guy right here.
00:06:59.000 More red.
00:07:00.000 See?
00:07:00.000 Good sound quality.
00:07:02.000 Yeah, the video.
00:07:02.000 Oh.
00:07:03.000 See?
00:07:03.000 Different guy.
00:07:05.000 This guy's tweeted.
00:07:06.000 His tweet's not coming through.
00:07:08.000 Oh, that might be something weird.
00:07:11.000 I was talking about where they said the sound and video.
00:07:15.000 Snowflakes falling are a bit annoying.
00:07:17.000 Oh, come on.
00:07:18.000 It's Christmas.
00:07:21.000 Video and sound are okay, but the snowflakes are annoying.
00:07:24.000 Does everybody feel like the snowflakes are annoying?
00:07:26.000 It's just one dude that's kind of, you know, anal about what he looks at on the screen.
00:07:31.000 Come on, man.
00:07:31.000 It's a beautiful snowflake.
00:07:34.000 Merry Christmas, you fucks.
00:07:35.000 How you doing, everybody?
00:07:39.000 Merry Christmas, my friend.
00:07:41.000 You gonna change it?
00:07:42.000 No, we'll just add something else.
00:07:43.000 Go with bubbles.
00:07:44.000 Let's see where bubbles is going.
00:07:46.000 Bubbles?
00:07:47.000 Bubbles.
00:07:47.000 We'll add bubbles and...
00:07:49.000 There.
00:07:50.000 It's just for that, dude.
00:07:53.000 And then we'll add a clock for that guy.
00:07:58.000 This is for 2,000.
00:08:01.000 No, we don't need a clock.
00:08:02.000 Kill the clock.
00:08:04.000 The clock's ridiculous.
00:08:05.000 Anyways, you can go through it, and then if you want to un-exit, we'll take him off.
00:08:09.000 Oh, this is good.
00:08:11.000 Comic book.
00:08:11.000 What's comic book?
00:08:12.000 That makes you look like a comic book.
00:08:15.000 Oh, that's gay.
00:08:16.000 Yeah, so then you can see, scroll down.
00:08:18.000 That's hilarious.
00:08:22.000 Bubbles and snowflakes.
00:08:26.000 Flame on.
00:08:27.000 Let's see what flame on does.
00:08:28.000 That's sweet.
00:08:29.000 We're on fire.
00:08:29.000 That's good.
00:08:31.000 I don't like that either.
00:08:33.000 Hmm.
00:08:36.000 Glow?
00:08:36.000 Shall we glow?
00:08:38.000 No, we shall not.
00:08:40.000 And you can change, like, sometimes they have options, so if you wanted to glow less, you could drag that.
00:08:45.000 Oh, let's go to the Matrix.
00:08:50.000 Black helicopters!
00:08:51.000 Try to take your baby.
00:08:52.000 It's just the Matrix though.
00:08:53.000 Where did I go?
00:08:54.000 Oh, this is terrible.
00:08:56.000 Yeah.
00:08:57.000 Terrible idea.
00:08:59.000 NASA? Ooh.
00:09:02.000 It's NASA. I'm stoned.
00:09:06.000 Pixelate.
00:09:07.000 Pop art.
00:09:09.000 All these look gross.
00:09:15.000 Thermal?
00:09:15.000 Thought bubble?
00:09:16.000 There you go.
00:09:17.000 And then you can type in what you want right there.
00:09:19.000 Oh, I love it.
00:09:21.000 Okay, that's good.
00:09:22.000 How much of this shit is annoying?
00:09:28.000 Yeah.
00:09:30.000 Probably the bubbles.
00:09:31.000 The bubbles are annoying, and me just sitting in front of the fucking computer, just going, how about this?
00:09:37.000 How about that?
00:09:37.000 That's annoying.
00:09:38.000 There's people watching this, like...
00:09:40.000 Why don't you show them this awesome box that somebody made?
00:09:42.000 Yeah, this is an awesome box that some...
00:09:46.000 Wonderful couple got me.
00:09:48.000 I'm not sure if the dude made it or the girl made it, but this is like a killer stash box that these two cool people gave me.
00:09:57.000 Well, actually the guy made it because the girl made the pipe, now I remember.
00:10:00.000 The girl's a glass blower.
00:10:02.000 But it's this wild box with like this cool Alex Gray art on it.
00:10:07.000 It's like a really trippy stash box.
00:10:13.000 And some guy made it to me and gave it to me after one of his shows.
00:10:16.000 I wish I knew the dude's name because it's very cool.
00:10:19.000 And the box has a little place where you would keep your tobacco.
00:10:25.000 And she made me this killer little pipe.
00:10:29.000 And he made...
00:10:30.000 I'll get it away from the snowflakes.
00:10:32.000 So you can see.
00:10:36.000 Whoever they are, if they're watching this, highly unlikely.
00:10:40.000 Nobody's watching this.
00:10:41.000 We have 10 people in here.
00:10:44.000 Is this show?
00:10:45.000 Oh, 113 already?
00:10:46.000 Wow.
00:10:47.000 Okay.
00:10:48.000 This is like...
00:10:49.000 113 people is like a show at a comedy club.
00:10:51.000 Now I feel pressure.
00:10:52.000 Isn't that weird?
00:10:53.000 113 people is like, we have to be entertaining.
00:10:59.000 Let's read the Twitter feed and see what the fuck is up, bitches!
00:11:02.000 Let's see the stash.
00:11:03.000 How dare you?
00:11:04.000 It's not a stash.
00:11:06.000 This is medicine.
00:11:08.000 This is called Trainwreck.
00:11:10.000 You can see it right there.
00:11:11.000 And you see right there, this, if you don't know, if you're from out of town, that Red Cross and the marijuana leaf, this is medical marijuana.
00:11:20.000 So this is totally legal in the state of California.
00:11:24.000 It's pretty trippy because you drive down the street, and I was driving down the street yesterday, and we were looking for places Where we could see how many places are near my house.
00:11:34.000 There's like fucking 20 places within a couple miles of my house that I can go.
00:11:39.000 And a lot of them, they just say collective on it.
00:11:43.000 They'll say West Hills Collective or fucking Dick Street Collective, whatever.
00:11:48.000 And they'll have a Red Cross.
00:11:50.000 And that's all you need to know.
00:11:51.000 And everybody knows that it's weed.
00:11:52.000 They have green letters.
00:11:53.000 Everybody uses green letters.
00:11:54.000 And they're everywhere.
00:11:56.000 And you go...
00:11:57.000 And if you have one of these right here, this is Brian's.
00:12:01.000 Let me see this.
00:12:01.000 This is a real, legitimate recommendation from a doctor.
00:12:06.000 And this, all you do is you go to a doctor and you say, marijuana helps me sleep, whatever.
00:12:12.000 And the doctor will give you one of these legitimate recommendations, a legal prescription in the state of California for marijuana.
00:12:20.000 And then you go to these places, and some of them you can pay with a fucking credit card.
00:12:23.000 It's the trippiest thing ever.
00:12:25.000 You buy weed with a credit card, and you're like...
00:12:28.000 What year is this?
00:12:29.000 It's 2009. But the rest of the country is still living in the dark ages.
00:12:32.000 Colorado is catching up.
00:12:34.000 Colorado has a bunch of places now.
00:12:35.000 Colorado actually is going to open up a medical marijuana restaurant.
00:12:39.000 And they're going to open up some 30,000 square foot weed superstore in Boulder.
00:12:44.000 It's fucking gigantic.
00:12:45.000 It's like three stories.
00:12:46.000 Isn't Texas even doing like a vote soon?
00:12:48.000 Yes.
00:12:49.000 Yeah, well, a lot of people are trying.
00:12:51.000 A lot of states are trying.
00:12:54.000 Massachusetts recently decriminalized it.
00:12:58.000 They don't have any medical law yet there, but now it's completely not legal, but it's not illegal.
00:13:05.000 It's a weird thing.
00:13:06.000 You're not allowed to sell it.
00:13:07.000 Possession is one thing, but selling it...
00:13:09.000 Here's a different thing.
00:13:10.000 You're still not allowed to sell it.
00:13:11.000 Which is fine.
00:13:12.000 Let people fucking grow it.
00:13:13.000 You know, really, Hunter S. Thompson had it right.
00:13:18.000 Hunter S. Thompson, when he was running for sheriff, he was saying that no drug good enough to be taken should be allowed to be sold.
00:13:25.000 That was like a law that he was going to pass in Aspen.
00:13:27.000 And he was going to call Aspen Fat City.
00:13:29.000 He was going to change the name of Aspen to Fat City.
00:13:31.000 He was going to tear up all the roads and sod the streets.
00:13:34.000 So it was all dirt roads everywhere.
00:13:35.000 And he fucking lost by 400 votes.
00:13:39.000 It's only 400 votes.
00:13:40.000 If he was the sheriff of Aspen, that would have been fucking badass.
00:13:45.000 But one of the things that he wanted to have was that Any drug that you can take that is good enough to be taken should be legal.
00:13:53.000 And he's fucking totally right.
00:13:54.000 You know, if people want weed, people should trade things for weed.
00:13:58.000 You know what?
00:13:58.000 Fuck it.
00:13:59.000 You should be able to buy it if you want to.
00:14:01.000 But the problem with that is, you know, then you're going to get some really unscrupulous people that just want to sell pot.
00:14:07.000 You know, they just want to sell it.
00:14:08.000 And they want to make profit off of it.
00:14:10.000 And then it becomes like anything else.
00:14:12.000 They try to cut out the competition.
00:14:15.000 Like one of the weed stores that I go to, there's a guy right next door to him.
00:14:18.000 That opened up, like, I'm talking, like, right next door.
00:14:21.000 Like, there's maybe, like, one storefront between two weed stores.
00:14:25.000 And the guy's pissed off, and he's, fuck, this guy's a dick.
00:14:28.000 That's totally not in the spirit of, you know, what marijuana's supposed to be.
00:14:32.000 I mean, you're not supposed to be opening up right next door to a dude and killing his competition, but he shouldn't be like, fuck that dude, you know, what's that dude doing?
00:14:39.000 He's just another dude selling weed.
00:14:41.000 Yeah, he shouldn't be doing it right next to you.
00:14:43.000 Yes, correct, but don't be an asshole.
00:14:46.000 You're fucking selling weed, pal.
00:14:48.000 You know?
00:14:49.000 You ain't fixing the world.
00:14:53.000 Hunter S. Thompson is my hero, and I'm planting full sleeves of Ralph Steedman art.
00:14:58.000 Are you really?
00:14:58.000 Wow, that's a fucking good idea.
00:15:01.000 Stedman?
00:15:02.000 Stedman or Steedman?
00:15:02.000 I forget how you say his name.
00:15:04.000 Is it Steedman?
00:15:05.000 Fucking...
00:15:05.000 I love his art.
00:15:06.000 His art perfectly goes like...
00:15:10.000 What's the word I'm looking for?
00:15:12.000 Compliments.
00:15:13.000 Hunter S. Thompson's writing.
00:15:14.000 That guy just fucking nailed it.
00:15:17.000 From the very first time they worked together, when they did that, the Kentucky Derby is decadent and depraved, from that story all the way on to Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, that Ralph guy, he fucking nailed it.
00:15:29.000 He was hanging with Hunter.
00:15:30.000 He totally got the vibe that Hunter was writing.
00:15:33.000 He totally got where Hunter was seeing things.
00:15:36.000 You know, I just started getting into Hunter S. Thompson really recently.
00:15:39.000 I was, I guess, maybe a year and a half ago, I was staying in a hotel room in Seattle, and I ordered up Gonzo on the pay-per-view in the hotel.
00:15:49.000 Just because nothing else looked good, I said, fuck it, I'll just check this out, and I immediately became a Hunter S. Thompson fan.
00:15:55.000 I started reading his books and I'm reading the one I'm reading now.
00:15:58.000 The one I'm reading now is this one.
00:16:08.000 Great shark hunt.
00:16:10.000 It's great.
00:16:10.000 It's got everything in there.
00:16:11.000 It's got a bunch of his different shit.
00:16:13.000 Fear and Loathing's in there.
00:16:14.000 The Kentucky Derby's in there.
00:16:16.000 A lot of great stories.
00:16:17.000 Like a collection of his works.
00:16:20.000 The quintessential world.
00:16:23.000 Need to open grow homes with retail fronts.
00:16:25.000 Yeah, man.
00:16:26.000 Keep it all easy.
00:16:27.000 That's what I'm talking about.
00:16:28.000 If you've never been to a grow room before, I've only been to one grow room.
00:16:31.000 It was pretty interesting.
00:16:32.000 There was a place in LA where they, it was a full service place.
00:16:36.000 You could get a prescription there, you could get weed there, and you could, what you coming to see here, fellas?
00:16:42.000 Take a picture with me.
00:16:43.000 Hi.
00:16:45.000 It could get weed there, and they grew it.
00:16:48.000 So there was this back room where they had all these lights set up.
00:16:51.000 It was pretty fucking trippy, man.
00:16:52.000 It was a big-ass room, and it was filled with these plants, and they were all lit up.
00:16:58.000 And you walk through the plants, and yeah, they were alive.
00:17:02.000 They're living plants, but it felt like they were conscious.
00:17:06.000 Maybe it was because I was really high.
00:17:10.000 That might be.
00:17:11.000 But, maybe because I was really high, I was able to tune into it, but it was a very weird sensation.
00:17:16.000 It felt like I was around living entities.
00:17:20.000 It didn't just feel like they were plants.
00:17:22.000 It felt like they were alive.
00:17:24.000 It was very strange.
00:17:25.000 It was cool.
00:17:26.000 I thought about it.
00:17:26.000 I was like, that'd be cool to have something like that in my house.
00:17:28.000 But that's pretty illegal.
00:17:31.000 Federally, at least.
00:17:32.000 If they caught you with a bunch of plants in your house, they'd be like, hey, bitch, what are you doing with those?
00:17:37.000 You're allowed to have one.
00:17:38.000 Yeah, we're allowed to have a bunch.
00:17:40.000 You can have like up to six plants.
00:17:42.000 You're actually allowed to have more because you have that extra special.
00:17:44.000 Oh, that's right.
00:17:45.000 I have an exemption because I'm a fucking real stoner.
00:17:51.000 Is two of these fucking with us here?
00:17:54.000 No, but you can totally turn off that second one.
00:17:57.000 This one?
00:17:57.000 Yeah.
00:17:59.000 Sorry folks, getting organized.
00:18:01.000 This is the first time I've...
00:18:02.000 I'm always threatening to do some shit like this and I never follow through.
00:18:06.000 Why were the UFC ring girls fired?
00:18:08.000 I do not know.
00:18:09.000 They were very nice.
00:18:11.000 All of them were?
00:18:11.000 Two girls were fired.
00:18:13.000 They left Ariane, who is a very nice person as well.
00:18:17.000 I've been friends with her for years.
00:18:18.000 She's a super cool chick.
00:18:20.000 And hot.
00:18:20.000 Very hot.
00:18:21.000 Probably classically beautiful.
00:18:23.000 It doesn't get any more beautiful, her face.
00:18:25.000 Very nice person, too.
00:18:26.000 You can follow her on Twitter.
00:18:28.000 She's on Twitter.
00:18:29.000 Is the one with the fake wig still working?
00:18:31.000 Why are you talking about fake wig?
00:18:33.000 How dare you?
00:18:34.000 First of all, how dare you?
00:18:36.000 How dare you?
00:18:37.000 Fuck with her whole career.
00:18:39.000 The one with the fake wig.
00:18:40.000 She has a fake wig, right?
00:18:41.000 Which one are you talking about?
00:18:42.000 The one with the big hair.
00:18:43.000 The 70s hair.
00:18:44.000 She looks like she has 70s hair.
00:18:46.000 Damn.
00:18:46.000 She just started, like, maybe...
00:18:47.000 Oh, the blonde one?
00:18:48.000 Yeah.
00:18:50.000 Her name was Logan.
00:18:51.000 She did not have fake hair.
00:18:52.000 That was her hair.
00:18:52.000 That was real?
00:18:53.000 Yeah.
00:18:53.000 She just had some curly hair and that's how she wears it.
00:18:56.000 Very nice girl.
00:18:57.000 I thought the Atlanta Housewives thing, you know how wigs are back, so I thought that was one of those.
00:19:01.000 You might be right.
00:19:02.000 You might be right.
00:19:04.000 You ever watch that Housewives of Atlanta show?
00:19:07.000 Oh!
00:19:08.000 There's nothing like, first of all, there's nothing like white girls around black girls when they start talking black.
00:19:13.000 I love that shit.
00:19:14.000 I love when white guys do it.
00:19:15.000 I love when white girls do it.
00:19:16.000 To me, it's just like watching chimps in the zoo when they fuck each other, when they go crazy.
00:19:22.000 It's like, wow, this is weird.
00:19:23.000 This is interesting.
00:19:24.000 When white people around black people, when they start acting black, There's no better example than the Steven Seagal show.
00:19:29.000 Holy shit, have you seen when he does that?
00:19:31.000 He pulls up to a group of black people, he's like, what up cuz?
00:19:33.000 What's going on?
00:19:34.000 Oh, dude.
00:19:35.000 Much love, much love.
00:19:37.000 He talks black, like really condescendingly.
00:19:40.000 And then, you know, when he's in the car, when the camera's on, he'll talk like Buddhist.
00:19:43.000 He says like stupid shit, you know.
00:19:46.000 The one monk was walking with the younger monk, and the younger monk says, what is the way of Buddha?
00:19:53.000 No way.
00:19:53.000 And so the older monk throws him in the water.
00:19:55.000 Deep.
00:19:56.000 Like what?
00:19:58.000 He talks like he's two totally different dudes.
00:20:00.000 He talks like the Steven Seagal who's like the mystical man and the Steven Seagal who is this fucking strange cop in Louisiana.
00:20:09.000 He has a southern accent that he uses part of the time.
00:20:12.000 Part of the time.
00:20:13.000 And then occasionally he drops the southern accent and he goes with a full-on black accent like when he's in the hood.
00:20:19.000 But Steven Seagal is a fucking cop.
00:20:20.000 Like, for real.
00:20:21.000 Like, he puts on a bulletproof vest, he gets in his fucking car, and they go fight crime!
00:20:25.000 And it's like, who is letting him do this?
00:20:28.000 Like, how crazy is it that all you have to have is a couple fucking movies?
00:20:33.000 Have you seen his website?
00:20:34.000 Oh, it's genius.
00:20:35.000 Yeah.
00:20:35.000 It's awesome.
00:20:36.000 Is it StevenSeagal.com?
00:20:38.000 I think so.
00:20:39.000 You've seen Jim Carrey's website.
00:20:41.000 Yeah, Jim Carrey's website is dope.
00:20:42.000 Jim Carrey has the most amazing website in the whole entire world.
00:20:45.000 It's pretty cool.
00:20:46.000 I've never seen a better website.
00:20:47.000 Yeah, it's very unique.
00:20:50.000 When I see websites like that, I wish I still tripped on shrooms all the time.
00:20:54.000 Because I would just sit in his website all day.
00:20:56.000 Yeah, no shit.
00:20:59.000 Beyond the Mind's Eye.
00:21:00.000 Yeah, the Sakhal show is fucking cool.
00:21:02.000 Oh, what the fuck?
00:21:05.000 He's been attacked.
00:21:07.000 This, behind me, this sign, is a point of controversy from the man show when I hosted it.
00:21:13.000 I know it was terrible.
00:21:15.000 Listen, we thought it was terrible too.
00:21:16.000 We got fucked.
00:21:18.000 When Doug Stanhope and I went to do that show, they lied to us.
00:21:20.000 They told us, you can do nudity, we'll blur it out, you can swear, we'll beep it out, we want you to go crazy, we want to get sued, it's going to be great publicity.
00:21:27.000 And then when we started doing it...
00:21:29.000 First of all, Janet Jackson pulled her nipple out and everybody went fucking crazy.
00:21:33.000 Is that shit crazy?
00:21:33.000 We're still feeling the effects from that.
00:21:35.000 It's amazing.
00:21:36.000 Like, literally, television got set back a decade because of Janet Jackson's nipple.
00:21:42.000 And the big thing was that they were showing it during the dinner hour and children were watching.
00:21:46.000 Well, isn't a woman's nipple?
00:21:49.000 Are we that fucking crazy?
00:21:51.000 It's not like she had a rifle up her pussy.
00:21:53.000 It's a fucking nipple.
00:21:54.000 You know?
00:21:55.000 That's where babies feed.
00:21:56.000 Is it that offensive?
00:21:58.000 That's where babies feed.
00:21:59.000 It is, man.
00:22:00.000 It's the first...
00:22:01.000 I mean, talking about it being during the dinner hour, somebody had a really good point when this happened.
00:22:05.000 He said, isn't that like the first meal?
00:22:07.000 That's like the dinner.
00:22:08.000 Yeah, I mean, breasts.
00:22:10.000 Yeah, you see that since you were a kid.
00:22:12.000 Well, you know what?
00:22:13.000 Especially having kids of my own.
00:22:15.000 Now, when I see Mrs. Rogan make fucking milk with her tits, and I'm like...
00:22:19.000 Deadly.
00:22:20.000 The tits are dead to me.
00:22:21.000 I don't suck on them anymore.
00:22:23.000 But what's more important is that you look at them and you say, that's like...
00:22:26.000 Those are...
00:22:28.000 That's like where food comes from.
00:22:30.000 It's not offensive.
00:22:32.000 But anyway, this thing behind us, Make Me Hard, this is how fucking stupid they were when we were doing this show.
00:22:37.000 There was an argument, and we came up with a game show called Make Me Hard.
00:22:41.000 And what it was is the guy would be strapped into a chair, and he would have this box on his dick, and a light would go off on the box.
00:22:48.000 And the light would indicate that he has a boner.
00:22:51.000 And so we'd have like midgets eating bananas and shit, and oh, he's getting hard.
00:22:54.000 You know, it was kind of corny.
00:22:56.000 But what we really, the reason why we did it is, one of the gags was we had this really hot chick, and she climbs all over him, the audience is going fucking crazy, they're going nuts, and this really hot chick, at the end of this, she pulls her tits out, he's sucking on her tits, whipped cream, the whole deal, and then she pulls her panties off and she's got a dick!
00:23:17.000 And the audience goes crazy.
00:23:19.000 She was a tranny.
00:23:20.000 And I mean, I've never heard a bigger wave of disappointment than when this tranny pulls out this dick.
00:23:27.000 And she was taking all kinds of hormones.
00:23:28.000 So it was like a dick that had been poisoned.
00:23:31.000 It looked like dead.
00:23:32.000 It was like dark.
00:23:34.000 It was dark and shriveled up like it burned.
00:23:36.000 Like chemically burned.
00:23:37.000 Like it was like a little dead monkey dick.
00:23:40.000 But it's smelling.
00:23:41.000 I don't know.
00:23:42.000 And she pulled it out, and she starts, like, swinging it around, and the fucking audience went crazy.
00:23:47.000 And the guy sitting in the chair just had this look in his face of horror.
00:23:50.000 Well, they approved all that, but what they wouldn't approve is the name of the show, Make Me Hard.
00:23:56.000 They said that we had to name the show, Make Me Stiff.
00:24:00.000 Like, this was, like, an argument.
00:24:01.000 Like, for real, like, there's a difference.
00:24:03.000 Like, they mean the same thing.
00:24:05.000 It's just Make Me Stiff doesn't sound...
00:24:08.000 It doesn't sound quite as funny.
00:24:09.000 It really doesn't matter.
00:24:10.000 I mean, what's the difference?
00:24:11.000 But the point was that they were willing to argue this.
00:24:13.000 It was a big deal for them.
00:24:14.000 And that shows you how these shows work.
00:24:16.000 The best shows, like stand-up comedians, like if you take a guy like Dave Chappelle or, you know, Cat Williams or anybody, any good comic that you like, they write all their own shit.
00:24:27.000 They write it.
00:24:28.000 They perform it.
00:24:29.000 They're saying shit that they think is funny.
00:24:30.000 They are the producer.
00:24:31.000 They are the performer.
00:24:33.000 They're the whole ball of wax.
00:24:34.000 They're the writer.
00:24:34.000 They're everything.
00:24:35.000 And that's why you get a pure product, because you get a product that's from this dude's mind.
00:24:40.000 Well, what happens is when you start working on a television show, these people that are working for the network, somebody has to work for the network, and you would assume that the people at the very top of the food chain are the perfect people for the job.
00:24:51.000 But that's not true.
00:24:52.000 They're just people that somehow or another got that fucking job.
00:24:54.000 And a lot of them, they like to think that they know what's good.
00:24:57.000 They like to think they have an eye for it, and they always want to put their footprint on it.
00:25:01.000 They want to put their handprint on it.
00:25:03.000 They want to change something.
00:25:06.000 I think the background should be blue.
00:25:07.000 We're going to ruin the whole show with this red background.
00:25:09.000 And they'll go crazy and they'll fucking fight over this.
00:25:11.000 Why?
00:25:11.000 Because they want to be the ones that say, well, it was me that decided for the blue background.
00:25:15.000 If they didn't go with that blue background, the show was shit, am I right?
00:25:18.000 And then the wife will agree with them and they all get fucking pilled up together.
00:25:21.000 This is what they argued over.
00:25:23.000 Make me hard.
00:25:23.000 So this is...
00:25:24.000 I got to keep this sign because it was useless.
00:25:27.000 Because we had to change the sign to make me stiff.
00:25:29.000 Like, it's okay to pull out your fucking dick.
00:25:31.000 It's okay to have a guy strapped to a chair thinking a chick is on top of him and this chick pulls out this wrinkled, poisoned, black dick.
00:25:39.000 That's okay, but you can't call it hard.
00:25:41.000 You have to call it stiff.
00:25:42.000 It's really that dumb.
00:25:43.000 It seems like I would be exaggerating, but that's why Dave Chappelle walked away from The Chappelle Show.
00:25:47.000 It's just because when you're a comic, having somebody else tell you what's good and what's bad.
00:25:52.000 There was one of the things we did in the Man Show where we wanted Joey Diaz.
00:25:56.000 If you don't know who Joey Diaz is, his Twitter is madflavor, one word, @madflavor, and Joey Diaz is one of the funniest dudes I've ever met in my life.
00:26:05.000 He's like one of the funniest human beings to ever live.
00:26:07.000 And Joey weighs like 350 pounds.
00:26:09.000 He's down to 300. But back then he was like 350. And he would always get naked.
00:26:13.000 We get naked all the time.
00:26:14.000 Get naked on stage.
00:26:15.000 And his balls literally look like grapefruit in an old lady's panty-o.
00:26:19.000 I mean they're fucking ridiculous.
00:26:21.000 And he doesn't shave them, but they have no hair on them.
00:26:23.000 Like he has no hair on his arms, no hair on his chest.
00:26:25.000 And he's fat as fuck.
00:26:27.000 And we wanted to have him introduce us at the beginning of every show.
00:26:30.000 He kicks open this door and comes out yelling, let's get this party started!
00:26:34.000 And his balls are jingling.
00:26:35.000 And it's fucking hilarious.
00:26:36.000 First of all, it's hilarious because Joey's hilarious.
00:26:39.000 Doug Stanhope said Joey Diaz could read the phone book and it'd be funnier than most of the shit you see on late night TV. And that's totally true.
00:26:44.000 But they were like, that's not funny.
00:26:46.000 What's funny about this?
00:26:47.000 This is not funny.
00:26:48.000 No one's going to laugh.
00:26:49.000 It was like a big argument.
00:26:50.000 And I said, listen, let's do two openings.
00:26:52.000 We'll do one regular opening, and then we'll do one opening with Joey.
00:26:55.000 Well, we did the opening with Joey, and they went fucking crazy.
00:26:58.000 Of course.
00:26:59.000 Everybody was screaming and laughing and yelling.
00:27:01.000 And it set the tone.
00:27:02.000 The tone that we wanted to have.
00:27:04.000 Like, this is, we're just trying to have fun.
00:27:06.000 We're not, you know, we're not trying to be relevant.
00:27:08.000 We're just trying to have something that people enjoy.
00:27:11.000 Let's have fun.
00:27:12.000 Let's have a fucking good time.
00:27:14.000 But it was almost impossible to try to have that good time when you have other people that aren't necessarily funny at all.
00:27:21.000 And they're putting their input into what should be in this comedy show.
00:27:25.000 So Doug and I got fucked.
00:27:26.000 But the most important thing is that we had a good time and we came.
00:27:29.000 Well, we were always good friends, but we became great friends doing that.
00:27:35.000 Alright, what else?
00:27:36.000 What's going on here?
00:27:37.000 The snowflakes.
00:27:39.000 What, you don't like the snowflakes?
00:27:40.000 They're dragging the video stream down.
00:27:42.000 Oh, you know what?
00:27:42.000 You might be right, dude.
00:27:45.000 The Snowflex might be fucking us.
00:27:49.000 No more Snowflex.
00:27:52.000 Is that better everybody?
00:27:54.000 Oh I'm sure it's better.
00:27:55.000 My internet's gay.
00:27:57.000 You need to upgrade that.
00:27:58.000 I can't believe you have...
00:27:59.000 You haven't done that.
00:28:00.000 I live.
00:28:01.000 You used to be on top of the game.
00:28:02.000 I live in a...
00:28:03.000 I know.
00:28:03.000 He used to have the fastest internet back when internet was, you know, 28K, 56K. He used to have ISDN? No, I asked the ISDN first, then I got a T1 line installed in my house.
00:28:15.000 T1. That's like where I'm 56k.
00:28:17.000 This is for business lines.
00:28:19.000 I mean, they only had it at businesses.
00:28:20.000 And I live way the fuck outside of LA. And it took a long time for us to get DSL and shit out here.
00:28:28.000 I couldn't get cable.
00:28:30.000 I used to have to get satellite, DirecTV.
00:28:33.000 So the only thing they had that was really fast was this thing called the T1 line.
00:28:38.000 But it was $1,000 a month.
00:28:40.000 Back when I was on news radio, I was totally new rich.
00:28:45.000 I was like, okay.
00:28:47.000 Bam!
00:28:49.000 So when that happened, I was like, okay, let's do it.
00:28:51.000 Thousand bucks a month.
00:28:52.000 Come on, let's do it.
00:28:52.000 And so I got this crazy, super fast internet pipe installed in my house.
00:28:58.000 But now I got this gay DSL that's just not very powerful.
00:29:03.000 I need to upgrade.
00:29:04.000 I'm going to get some of that AT&T U-verse lovin'.
00:29:11.000 What else we got here?
00:29:12.000 Much better?
00:29:12.000 Is that much better?
00:29:13.000 Thank you.
00:29:13.000 Good.
00:29:14.000 Awesome.
00:29:14.000 Yeah, because once you get that, then...
00:29:16.000 That's why I asked you to get Wi-Fi.
00:29:18.000 Check the dude in the background for a pulse.
00:29:22.000 Oh, he might be a vampire.
00:29:25.000 Team Jacob!
00:29:27.000 What the fuck is going on with America?
00:29:29.000 We have rock stars that don't fuck, right?
00:29:32.000 The Jonas Brothers.
00:29:33.000 We got vampires that don't bite anybody.
00:29:37.000 We have pop stars that can't go to sleep so they get literally sedated every night.
00:29:44.000 We have golfers getting fucked.
00:29:46.000 We got America that's freaking out because an ugly rich guy is getting a lot of pussy.
00:29:52.000 He's cheating on his wife.
00:29:54.000 He's cheating on his wife.
00:29:55.000 He's a black athlete.
00:29:58.000 Is that really a big shot?
00:29:59.000 It's ugly.
00:30:00.000 It's amazing that a guy like that, all he has to do is be good at something and acquire a bunch of numbers and he can fuck all these girls.
00:30:08.000 He's not even paying these girls.
00:30:09.000 It's incredible.
00:30:10.000 Because one of the girls was asking for money and he was like, I can't help you.
00:30:14.000 Like, he's not even paying them.
00:30:16.000 So he's this, like, billionaire dude, and he's banging these cocktail waitresses, and they're struggling with their bills, and he won't even fork over any cash.
00:30:22.000 Like, how hard would it be for Tiger Woods to just slip her ten grand?
00:30:25.000 You know?
00:30:26.000 What's the big deal?
00:30:27.000 She lets you fuck her.
00:30:29.000 Like, do you have a mirror in your house?
00:30:30.000 Like, you're getting something out of this, man.
00:30:32.000 You get to fuck her?
00:30:33.000 And all he wanted was just give him dick.
00:30:36.000 Like, that's all you get.
00:30:36.000 You get dick.
00:30:37.000 You don't get no money.
00:30:40.000 On one hand, I gotta say, the dude had a very strong pimp hand.
00:30:45.000 I kind of respect that.
00:30:46.000 But on the other hand, I feel like maybe she'd give her some money.
00:30:50.000 Maybe she wouldn't be making a fucking tell-all book if you were really nice to her and you gave her the money that she needed.
00:30:57.000 Yeah.
00:30:58.000 Tiger is handsome.
00:30:59.000 So says gay man.
00:31:01.000 Synthesis.
00:31:03.000 Tiger's handsome?
00:31:04.000 Okay, you know what?
00:31:05.000 He's not ugly.
00:31:06.000 But he's not like...
00:31:07.000 He's not Jacob.
00:31:09.000 He looks kind of like a bug.
00:31:11.000 He's not a handsome man.
00:31:12.000 He's unfortunate looking.
00:31:14.000 I mean, he's very well built.
00:31:16.000 He's very athletic.
00:31:16.000 He's obviously very driven.
00:31:18.000 He's got a lot of attractive qualities.
00:31:19.000 Uber successful.
00:31:21.000 But you can't say that he's...
00:31:23.000 I mean, who's classic?
00:31:25.000 You don't like your guy's black.
00:31:28.000 Sure I do.
00:31:29.000 If it was like that Tyrese dude, that actor dude, that's a very handsome man.
00:31:33.000 That's a handsome motherfucker.
00:31:34.000 If you found out that he was banging 16 chicks across the country, you'd be like, that's it?
00:31:38.000 Only 16?
00:31:40.000 Figured he had fucking 10 in each town and he was plowing.
00:31:42.000 That guy's a stud.
00:31:43.000 You know, but Tiger doesn't look like that.
00:31:45.000 Tiger doesn't look like a male model.
00:31:46.000 He looks like an unfortunate mix of ethnicities.
00:31:49.000 Babe, you know, whatever.
00:31:52.000 Whatever.
00:31:54.000 Hey, look, I'm that dude from Crawl.
00:31:55.000 Will you choke Red Band out, please?
00:31:57.000 Look, I'm that dude from Crawl.
00:31:59.000 Oh, that's mean.
00:32:01.000 You know the movie Crawl?
00:32:02.000 The Cyclops?
00:32:03.000 You know what's the fucking shit that, uh, Pan's Labor Ninth?
00:32:07.000 The thing that had the eyes on his hands?
00:32:09.000 That Guillermo del Toro dude was pretty badass, but I gotta say, his book sucks.
00:32:14.000 The Strain.
00:32:15.000 Really good book for, like, The first hundred pages.
00:32:21.000 And then they got tired of writing it.
00:32:22.000 And just finished it.
00:32:23.000 Like real sloppy.
00:32:24.000 Like really bad action scenes.
00:32:27.000 They're killing the vampires.
00:32:28.000 Like so easy.
00:32:29.000 It was really stupid.
00:32:30.000 It was really good in the beginning.
00:32:31.000 I was like, what a great premise.
00:32:33.000 The fucking airplane lands.
00:32:34.000 Everybody in the plane is dead.
00:32:35.000 They can't figure out what's going on.
00:32:36.000 And they all turn into vampires.
00:32:37.000 It takes over the whole city.
00:32:38.000 It's pretty fucking badass.
00:32:39.000 This one vampire infected the whole plane.
00:32:42.000 But then it just turns into dog shit.
00:32:47.000 Most of his 16 hoes aren't that attractive.
00:32:49.000 This man is saying that that guy was not banging pretty girls.
00:32:53.000 He had a few stragglers in there, but overall, those chicks are pretty goddamn hot.
00:32:59.000 Better than what that person's getting.
00:33:00.000 This guy right here?
00:33:01.000 He might be getting, you never know.
00:33:03.000 But, I mean, some of them, like that Rachel Uchitel chick, that chick's hot as fuck.
00:33:10.000 And then the other one that was on the reality TV, she's pretty goddamn hot too.
00:33:13.000 He had some pretty attractive women in his stable.
00:33:18.000 What's Joey Diaz's Twitter again?
00:33:20.000 Mad Flavor.
00:33:21.000 Here, see this is one of the things that we can do.
00:33:23.000 You can hit this text, hit add a new text, and so if anyone ever asks you, you can just type in.
00:33:28.000 Oh, here we go.
00:33:28.000 I'll tell you a follow.
00:33:33.000 And Redband.
00:33:38.000 I don't even have a thousand yet.
00:33:39.000 You don't?
00:33:40.000 No.
00:33:41.000 I never pimp my Twitter.
00:33:42.000 Oh yeah, you guys gotta follow Redband.
00:33:46.000 And then you can shrink the size and...
00:33:48.000 What's the size?
00:33:50.000 Right below.
00:33:51.000 Font size right here?
00:33:51.000 Yeah.
00:33:52.000 Yeah, if you just drag the thing left and right.
00:33:56.000 There we go.
00:33:57.000 And then you can move the box, like maybe move it to the top or something.
00:34:00.000 That's wherever the location is, or the bottom.
00:34:04.000 It doesn't want to move.
00:34:05.000 You just click on the box and then drag it.
00:34:14.000 No, no.
00:34:14.000 Do the other way.
00:34:15.000 You wouldn't do it.
00:34:15.000 Really?
00:34:16.000 Hit position and then just drag...
00:34:17.000 It won't let me...
00:34:18.000 No, that black box.
00:34:19.000 No, it won't let me grab...
00:34:20.000 Oh, there we go.
00:34:21.000 You son of a bitch.
00:34:23.000 Son of a fucking bitch.
00:34:24.000 You son of a bitch.
00:34:26.000 Alright.
00:34:27.000 We're golden.
00:34:31.000 News Radio or Fear Factor?
00:34:32.000 Which show was more disgusting to work on?
00:34:34.000 Ha ha ha ha.
00:34:35.000 Fear Factor, for sure.
00:34:36.000 But Fear Factor paid more money.
00:34:37.000 But News Radio was way more fun.
00:34:39.000 News Radio was, uh...
00:34:41.000 Newsradio was like a privilege.
00:34:44.000 The whole time I was doing it, I couldn't believe that I was on a TV show.
00:34:49.000 I didn't really do much acting before that.
00:34:54.000 I acted on one other sitcom that I got from doing stand-up comedy.
00:34:58.000 In 1994, I'd only been doing comedy six years.
00:35:01.000 So, it's like, I was still pretty raw as a comedian.
00:35:04.000 And then all of a sudden, I'm on this fucking TV show.
00:35:07.000 I was like, whoa.
00:35:08.000 And then I'm on the show, not only am I on a TV show, I'm on a TV show with Phil Hartman.
00:35:11.000 And I was like, this is fucking nuts.
00:35:14.000 You know, and Dave Foley and Andy Dick.
00:35:16.000 I mean, it was a pretty incredible job.
00:35:20.000 But Fear Factor was just about getting paid.
00:35:22.000 Getting that paid.
00:35:26.000 Get that paper.
00:35:27.000 Just like King Mo says.
00:35:29.000 Get that paper.
00:35:32.000 Brittany Murphy thoughts.
00:35:34.000 You know what, man?
00:35:34.000 I don't have any thoughts until I find out what killed her.
00:35:37.000 You know, I mean, everybody says that it's drugs.
00:35:38.000 I don't know if it's drugs.
00:35:40.000 I don't think the husband doesn't want to have an autopsy.
00:35:43.000 Kind of strange, you know?
00:35:44.000 Really strange.
00:35:46.000 Especially since, obviously, they were going to do one anyways because it's kind of like, why did she die?
00:35:51.000 Yeah, unless you killed her.
00:35:52.000 I mean, why doesn't that guy want an autopsy?
00:35:54.000 If it was a murder case, then of course he would want an autopsy, right?
00:35:58.000 The only way you die of natural causes when you're 32 years old is if you have a serious health condition or if you take something that kills you, which is pretty natural.
00:36:08.000 I've read that a lot of her close friends stopped hanging out with her when she got married to that guy because of him.
00:36:14.000 So there's something with this guy.
00:36:16.000 Well, I've had some friends that have had some serious drug problems in the past.
00:36:19.000 I had a friend that died from drugs.
00:36:21.000 My best friend when I lived in New York.
00:36:23.000 And he used to do heroin.
00:36:24.000 He used to do crack.
00:36:25.000 But mostly heroin.
00:36:26.000 And he had manageable problems with coke and stuff like that.
00:36:31.000 Until he got on heroin.
00:36:32.000 And heroin just fucking sealed his fate.
00:36:35.000 That shit just gets in your blood.
00:36:38.000 It becomes a part of you.
00:36:39.000 I mean, I've seen people jonesing for coke.
00:36:41.000 I've seen people jones for a lot of shit.
00:36:43.000 But there's something really weird about watching people jones for heroin.
00:36:46.000 I mean, it's like they need water.
00:36:49.000 Like they're in the desert and they need water.
00:36:51.000 And when people get involved in this, and apparently that's what a lot of the Hollywood kids are doing.
00:36:55.000 A lot of them are doing fucking heroin.
00:36:57.000 You know?
00:36:58.000 I don't know what it's all about, but it's pretty spooky, man.
00:37:04.000 Real alcoholics are pretty spooky too.
00:37:06.000 When you wake up and you're 90, the first thing you drink is a beer at noon.
00:37:12.000 I've met a lot of alcoholics.
00:37:14.000 I know a lot of alcoholics.
00:37:16.000 I know a lot of functioning alcoholics and I know a lot of people that are just...
00:37:21.000 You know, just flat out drunks.
00:37:23.000 Especially comics.
00:37:24.000 You know, I've known a lot of comics that have had real alcohol problems.
00:37:27.000 Because they get free booze and they're out in clubs every night.
00:37:30.000 And, you know, alcohol gives you a liquid courage.
00:37:32.000 And if you're performing every night, you might be drinking every night.
00:37:35.000 If you're drinking every night, you're going to have a fucking problem.
00:37:37.000 Eventually that shit's going to grab you.
00:37:41.000 Conspiracy theories are only theories until proven fact.
00:37:45.000 There are real conspiracies.
00:37:47.000 Most conspiracy theories are stupid because people want to find the mystery shit.
00:37:52.000 They want to find Bigfoot.
00:37:53.000 Meanwhile, there's a bunch of real live animals that are way more interesting than Bigfoot.
00:37:58.000 If we found Bigfoot...
00:38:01.000 Bigfoot would be in a fucking cage right next to the monkeys at the zoo if we found them.
00:38:06.000 If we really caught them, they would be like, look, there's a big ape.
00:38:09.000 You know, we got the short ape, there's a big 10-foot tall ape.
00:38:12.000 Nobody would give a shit.
00:38:14.000 But, like, killer whales, if killer whales didn't exist and there was some animal that people talked about in legend that was as smart as people, lived in the ocean, but breathed air...
00:38:25.000 And had to come up for air and doesn't eat human beings, saves human beings, but kills everything else, including great white sharks.
00:38:32.000 A super intelligent being that's gigantic and murderous and runs the ocean.
00:38:37.000 People would say, fuck that.
00:38:38.000 That's crazy.
00:38:39.000 That's not real.
00:38:40.000 That can't be real.
00:38:41.000 But it is real.
00:38:42.000 We just know it's real.
00:38:43.000 And because of the fact that we know it's real, it's not as interesting to people.
00:38:46.000 People love mysteries.
00:38:47.000 We love discovering new shit.
00:38:49.000 Like the Loch Ness Monster.
00:38:51.000 Loch Ness Monster doesn't do shit.
00:38:52.000 It doesn't kill anybody.
00:38:53.000 It doesn't do anything.
00:38:54.000 Every now and then it pokes its head out of the water.
00:38:55.000 And everybody's like, whoa, I saw it!
00:38:57.000 And everybody gets crazy.
00:38:58.000 You know, meanwhile, there's fucking crocodiles that are real.
00:39:02.000 They're alive.
00:39:02.000 They're gigantic.
00:39:03.000 They're like fucking 30 feet long.
00:39:05.000 They can hold their breath underwater for like hours at a time.
00:39:08.000 They don't have to eat for a year.
00:39:10.000 I mean, crocodiles are fucking crazy.
00:39:13.000 They're literally dinosaurs that are still alive today.
00:39:16.000 They were exactly the same way as they are now hundreds of millions of years ago.
00:39:20.000 Nobody gives a fuck.
00:39:20.000 Everybody's looking for the Loch Ness Monster.
00:39:23.000 There's something that people really, really get into when it comes to conspiracies.
00:39:28.000 And I've been guilty of it myself.
00:39:30.000 I used to really be into UFOs and all kinds of stuff like that until I kind of realized what I'm into is the unknown.
00:39:38.000 What I'm into is somehow or another is if there's something that's unknown and I figure it out and I find it and I know it's proven and true, then somehow or another you gain something from that.
00:39:47.000 I guess you do to a certain extent if you can really prove it, but mostly what it is is this weird desire that human beings have for things to prove things.
00:39:56.000 So it's a very weird thing.
00:39:58.000 Conspiracy theories.
00:39:59.000 Everybody's always looking for all sorts of conspiracies that aren't real.
00:40:02.000 I know this also from working where I've had people like...
00:40:06.000 Like working with the UFC, people are always talking about the UFC wants this and Joe Rogan said that because the UFC told them to say it.
00:40:13.000 The UFC never tells me to say shit.
00:40:15.000 They literally never tell me what to say.
00:40:18.000 My job's the craziest job ever.
00:40:21.000 I'm literally the guy who speaks for this multi-hundred million dollar sports company and nobody tells me what to do.
00:40:27.000 I show up and they tell me what the fights are and I just do it.
00:40:31.000 I try to be professional as possible.
00:40:32.000 I try not to swear.
00:40:34.000 Occasionally, you know, I'll slip up.
00:40:36.000 With that, but I'm trying not to swear.
00:40:38.000 But all I'm trying to do is do commentary on the fights.
00:40:40.000 The only thing they've ever told me what to do is when they were trying to buy Pride, Pride fucked them over and there's this big thing going on back and forth.
00:40:47.000 They said, please don't mention Pride by name.
00:40:50.000 You can mention all the fighters, but don't mention Pride by name because they didn't want to give advertisement to that organization.
00:40:55.000 Which is totally legitimate.
00:40:57.000 Totally makes sense to me.
00:40:59.000 But they don't tell me, hype this guy up.
00:41:02.000 Talk about that guy.
00:41:03.000 Don't mention this guy's name.
00:41:05.000 And make sure you tell everybody, this guy, this is the guy we want to win.
00:41:08.000 There's none of that.
00:41:08.000 There's none of that.
00:41:09.000 Zero.
00:41:10.000 So I know that's a conspiracy that people think is real.
00:41:12.000 That's not real.
00:41:13.000 I know there's a lot of other ones that people think it's real, but there's ones that are real.
00:41:19.000 Chemtrails are the ones that I've recently turned on.
00:41:21.000 Yes.
00:41:21.000 That whole thing you talked about, the hair.
00:41:25.000 Yeah, there's a lot of people that would look at those things in the sky and go, what is that?
00:41:29.000 What are they doing?
00:41:29.000 Well, I talked to a pilot, and I asked a pilot about it, and he gave me a very simple explanation about how water going through those jets, those jet engines at a certain altitude with certain You know, weather conditions, certain moisture.
00:41:44.000 It probably has like humidity conditions.
00:41:45.000 Yeah.
00:41:45.000 There's barometric pressure.
00:41:47.000 There's all sorts of factors, but if it's the right factors, there's enough water in it, it'll create clouds.
00:41:53.000 Like literally, jets create clouds.
00:41:55.000 So all these people are like, man, they're making clouds.
00:41:57.000 Well, that's what happens when jets fly through the fucking air.
00:42:01.000 The idea that they would be spraying cities, poisoning people, it's like, don't they live on the ground too?
00:42:07.000 They're spraying themselves?
00:42:08.000 They're spraying their families and stuff, I'm sure.
00:42:10.000 Do they have shots?
00:42:11.000 They're taking shots so that they don't get...
00:42:13.000 Not to say that they don't experiment with weather, but the majority of the lines you see in the air definitely...
00:42:18.000 There's legitimate concerns about that HAARP program, where they're fucking doing things to the ionosphere.
00:42:24.000 For sure they're experimenting with weather, because we know that China has successfully created rain.
00:42:30.000 You know, they've done successful weather operations.
00:42:33.000 So there are absolutely real conspiracies, but there's a lot of goofy ones, man.
00:42:37.000 And the problem is, it's very difficult for people to, once they made a decision about something, like JFK, you know, Oswald acted alone, and people just get that in their head, Oswald acted alone.
00:42:49.000 It's very difficult for them to look at contrary evidence and take it into consideration.
00:42:54.000 It's almost like there's a competition going on.
00:42:55.000 They want their side to be right.
00:42:57.000 And people have a real hard time...
00:42:58.000 And our friend that we were talking about with the chemtrails didn't want to...
00:43:02.000 We were having an argument with him.
00:43:03.000 I was saying, listen man, you don't know...
00:43:05.000 The research that I've done, I'm like, you're watching YouTube clips?
00:43:09.000 Is that what constitutes research these days?
00:43:12.000 And he was convinced that chemtrails are real.
00:43:14.000 And I'm like, they make no sense.
00:43:17.000 And the other thing the pilot had that was a good point was he's a pilot.
00:43:21.000 He's like...
00:43:21.000 Believe me, man.
00:43:22.000 Pilots would be talking about it.
00:43:23.000 It wouldn't be something that's that easy.
00:43:26.000 You could just hire a guy to fucking spray every city in the world every day of the week, and they're going to keep their mouth shut.
00:43:32.000 Plus, all these reporters that are getting pissed off at oil businesses for ripping off customers, what if you were getting sprayed with poison?
00:43:40.000 Wouldn't that reporter be a crazy research reporter?
00:43:44.000 It's silly.
00:43:46.000 I think chemtrails are a silly one.
00:43:48.000 Not to say they haven't sprayed people before.
00:43:51.000 Not to say that there haven't been some experiments where they've sprayed certain bacteria or certain colds over an area to see if they can get people sick.
00:44:01.000 Why not?
00:44:02.000 We know there's a thing called Operation Midnight Climax that in the 1950s the CIA ran fucking brothels.
00:44:10.000 They ran whorehouses in New York and San Francisco and they ran these things and what they did was they ran the whorehouse so they can do LSD experiments on people.
00:44:20.000 And so they unknowingly gave these Johns acid.
00:44:23.000 So these poor guys would go in there just to try to give their, you know, their hard-earned money.
00:44:27.000 You know, they probably, you know, didn't even have much.
00:44:29.000 Paid just whatever they had to get their dick sucked.
00:44:32.000 And they're getting dosed with acid.
00:44:34.000 Freaking the fuck out.
00:44:35.000 Probably already feeling super guilty.
00:44:36.000 Probably half of them were married and they're just cheating on their wives and they felt guilty about that.
00:44:41.000 And then they're dosed up with acid and dealing with the reality of the situation.
00:44:45.000 I mean, we know the CIA did that.
00:44:46.000 This is information that was released in the Freedom of Information Act.
00:44:50.000 You look it up.
00:44:51.000 Google it.
00:44:51.000 It's pretty interesting.
00:44:51.000 It's called Operation Midnight Climax.
00:44:54.000 And it's just one of many experiments that the CIA did unknowingly on American citizens.
00:45:00.000 Taxpayers.
00:45:01.000 And they've done it forever.
00:45:02.000 And that's how they do business.
00:45:04.000 And guaranteed that if they did this back in 1950, they're doing something like it now.
00:45:09.000 It's not like they changed.
00:45:11.000 It's not like...
00:45:12.000 All these conspiracies, all these things that the government's done, like Operation Northwoods, Operation Northwoods was a thing that they proposed in the 1960s, 1962, and this was signed by the Joint Chiefs of Staff and then vetoed by Kennedy.
00:45:26.000 What it was was they were trying to get people enthusiastic about a war against Cuba.
00:45:30.000 So they were planning on blowing up American ships, like real ships.
00:45:35.000 They were going to have mock plane crashes where they were going to blow up drones in the air and they were going to blame it on the Cubans.
00:45:43.000 We're going to say that all these people died and they were going to take the passengers and put them under false aliases and have pilots under false aliases.
00:45:51.000 And that pilot was going to give maydays and say he got shot down.
00:45:54.000 Look that up too.
00:45:54.000 It's really interesting.
00:45:55.000 It's called Operation Northwoods.
00:45:56.000 And this was a real plan that they had drafted in the 1960s.
00:46:01.000 That the Department of Defense drafted up and the Joint Chiefs of Staff signed and Kennedy vetoed it.
00:46:08.000 And Kennedy was like, "You guys are fucking crazy.
00:46:10.000 Like, what are you doing?
00:46:11.000 Like, you're gonna fake attacks in order to get people to want to go to war with Cuba?" And that's probably one of the reasons why they killed Kennedy.
00:46:18.000 You know, who knows?
00:46:19.000 But these are real conspiracies.
00:46:22.000 They're real.
00:46:22.000 We know that things are conspired on.
00:46:25.000 The real problem with conspiracies is nobody wants to look stupid.
00:46:28.000 And when you say that you believe something, like you believe in alien abduction, or you believe the government killed Kennedy, or you believe anything nutty.
00:46:36.000 We didn't land on the moon.
00:46:37.000 When you say you don't believe nutty things, people just automatically label you a kook.
00:46:42.000 Instead of looking at it and going, okay, what has the government done?
00:46:47.000 They really have dosed people with LSD without their knowledge?
00:46:51.000 They really set up whorehouses?
00:46:53.000 The CIA did this?
00:46:54.000 Really?
00:46:55.000 They really were faking attack.
00:46:57.000 They were planning on faking attacks.
00:46:58.000 American civilians and blowing up American ships and blaming on the Cubans, they really were gonna attack Guantanamo Bay?
00:47:05.000 Attack soldiers!
00:47:06.000 They were gonna fuckin' shoot mortars into Guantanamo Bay.
00:47:09.000 They were gonna kill American soldiers and blame it on the Cubans and get us to attack them.
00:47:14.000 That's all real.
00:47:16.000 So, you gotta keep your eyes open, you gotta keep your mind open.
00:47:19.000 And the problem with conspiracy theories is people choose one side or the other.
00:47:23.000 Either there's a conspiracy or ridiculous and I'm not believing this, Or they go, well, the conspiracies are real.
00:47:31.000 And it's usually not that black or white.
00:47:33.000 It usually takes a lot of looking at before you get to the real truth.
00:47:37.000 And the real truth is fucking sketchy.
00:47:39.000 I mean, it's real hard to have information about a lot of things in this world.
00:47:44.000 As much information as we have on the internet, there's still a lot of shit that you don't get.
00:47:48.000 Like, Bill Maher Twittered something today that I was like, this guy doesn't even...
00:47:52.000 He's incorrect.
00:47:54.000 This has all been disproven.
00:47:55.000 He Twittered something, an anti-Christian thing about Mithra.
00:48:02.000 I was like, how funny is this?
00:48:04.000 Bill Maher isn't even doing his research.
00:48:06.000 He's twittering something that everybody says about Mithra.
00:48:10.000 But it was disproven.
00:48:11.000 He gets his news by the paper.
00:48:13.000 Here it is.
00:48:14.000 Mithra, born 1225, 12 disciples, died, rose on the third day, performed miracles, known as a lamb.
00:48:24.000 The way, the truth, the light, 600 years before Jesus Christ.
00:48:27.000 I see what his point is.
00:48:28.000 His point is what he's trying to say.
00:48:30.000 It's like, hey, there was no Jesus Christ.
00:48:38.000 Fable, this myth, has existed in many different forms.
00:48:41.000 But the Mithra thing is totally wrong.
00:48:43.000 Because the Mithra thing, if you just Google Zeitgeist, the movie Debunked, this guy gets really into the mythology behind, you know, in Zeitgeist.
00:48:55.000 They talk about how Jesus really is basically the same story as all these different stories before.
00:49:01.000 And one of them was Mithra.
00:49:03.000 And, you know, so Bill Maher quoting on his thing that...
00:49:07.000 Mithra was born 12, 25, had 12 disciples.
00:49:10.000 Well, if you go to this other site, this guy seems like a really intelligent guy.
00:49:15.000 I don't know if he's right.
00:49:16.000 But he's talking about, but he's researched it at least.
00:49:18.000 He's talking about the myths and the legends of Mithra are numerous in account and spans several different cultures.
00:49:24.000 He says, I ran into a brick wall of sorts trying to track down any of this information.
00:49:28.000 I cannot find any evidence of his birthday being December 25th.
00:49:32.000 The only dates that correspond to him are Are his festival on October 8th and another on September 12th through 16th.
00:49:39.000 A cattle pairing festival October 12th through 16th.
00:49:42.000 There's absolutely no evidence anywhere that he had 12 disciples or 12 of anything for that matter.
00:49:49.000 No Mithras scholars seem to know about it.
00:49:52.000 He was not born to a virgin but rather out of solid rock.
00:49:57.000 So, I mean, it's really...
00:50:00.000 They're really interesting.
00:50:02.000 There's not enough research of information.
00:50:05.000 People don't really look these things up.
00:50:06.000 They quote a little bit of something they saw on the internet.
00:50:10.000 And that's the problem.
00:50:11.000 There's no way you can have access to everything.
00:50:14.000 There's no way you can know about everything.
00:50:16.000 It's impossible.
00:50:17.000 So there's going to be a lot of shit that you're talking about, you form an opinion on, when you're really just talking out of your ass.
00:50:22.000 And that's where most people are when it comes to conspiracy theories.
00:50:26.000 With everything.
00:50:27.000 With everything.
00:50:28.000 People talk out of their ass.
00:50:30.000 Because people have a huge vested interest in being correct about things.
00:50:35.000 People hate being foolish.
00:50:37.000 They hate being the dumb one.
00:50:38.000 They hate being uninformed.
00:50:41.000 People love correcting people.
00:50:43.000 They love, like, your is you apostrophe R-E, as in you are.
00:50:48.000 Okay, you're a fucking awesome dude because you spotted that guy.
00:50:51.000 Meanwhile, I do that all the time.
00:50:53.000 That's kind of why I like the iPhone, how it always fucks up my texting and stuff like that.
00:51:00.000 Because then people are starting to slowly less do it to me now because everyone's doing it.
00:51:04.000 Right, right, right.
00:51:08.000 Conspiracy theory with Jesse Ventura.
00:51:10.000 I haven't seen it.
00:51:12.000 Brian didn't like it?
00:51:13.000 It was alright.
00:51:14.000 I don't know.
00:51:15.000 Jesse Ventura is one of those dudes that thinks because he's a Navy SEAL, or he's a former Navy SEAL, that he has inside information.
00:51:22.000 I'm a former neighbor seal.
00:51:24.000 That Opie and Anthony thing just really got to me on both sides.
00:51:27.000 Yeah, you were upset at Jim Norton.
00:51:29.000 Well, I was on both sides that got me upset.
00:51:31.000 I thought they both handled it.
00:51:33.000 It's hard having a fucking intelligent conversation at 7 o'clock in the morning, goddammit.
00:51:37.000 Whenever I do those morning radio shows, I'm always like, what am I even talking about?
00:51:41.000 I'm always half out of it.
00:51:43.000 Mumbling and shit.
00:51:44.000 It's hard to wake the fuck up.
00:51:46.000 It's like, You have to drink coffee if you're going to do one of those morning radio shows.
00:51:49.000 You really can't go in sober.
00:51:51.000 You've got to have a little bit of that and a cup of coffee.
00:51:54.000 Bang!
00:51:57.000 Mothra or Rodan?
00:51:59.000 I was more of a Rodan fan.
00:52:00.000 I thought Mothra was kind of a faggy monster.
00:52:02.000 Yeah, me too.
00:52:03.000 A big, stupid moth.
00:52:04.000 That's a dumbass monster.
00:52:05.000 Who cares about moths?
00:52:07.000 Yeah, I mean, why not have a giant roach?
00:52:09.000 People hate roaches.
00:52:10.000 Roaches are scary as fuck.
00:52:12.000 Why do you want to have a big, stupid moth?
00:52:14.000 You don't.
00:52:15.000 The Japanese had a bunch of crazy ass monsters.
00:52:17.000 They still do.
00:52:18.000 They still do those Godzilla.
00:52:19.000 You know they still do...
00:52:20.000 Turtle.
00:52:20.000 Remember that turtle?
00:52:21.000 Godzilla.
00:52:21.000 Is that Rodan?
00:52:22.000 Rodan the turtle?
00:52:22.000 Yeah.
00:52:23.000 Rodan's a turtle.
00:52:24.000 Well, come on, man.
00:52:24.000 A fucking turtle?
00:52:26.000 Yeah.
00:52:26.000 You know they still do the Godzilla movies with the people in the costumes, I heard?
00:52:29.000 They still make those?
00:52:30.000 I heard they still make them in Japan.
00:52:32.000 We have no confirmation.
00:52:33.000 See, this is another thing.
00:52:34.000 That's what I heard.
00:52:34.000 We're talking out of our ass.
00:52:36.000 We don't really have...
00:52:37.000 We've done no research.
00:52:39.000 Right.
00:52:39.000 You know?
00:52:41.000 Sick.
00:52:42.000 Isn't that what that means?
00:52:43.000 What does sick mean?
00:52:43.000 What happens to the Iceman now?
00:52:45.000 You know, I don't know, man.
00:52:46.000 I don't know.
00:52:48.000 If I type on this, is this going to go to my Twitter?
00:52:51.000 Uh-huh, it's going to twit.
00:52:52.000 Okay, so how do I tell people to follow us on this thing?
00:52:55.000 See, you can add new chat boxes.
00:52:58.000 Oh, you mean on Twitter?
00:52:58.000 Yeah, I'm going to post this on Twitter to get people to follow us.
00:53:01.000 When you post on here, it automatically makes the link.
00:53:04.000 It does?
00:53:05.000 Yeah, see?
00:53:05.000 Oh, okay.
00:53:06.000 See how everyone has this link, your link underneath it?
00:53:08.000 Is that cool?
00:53:10.000 Okay.
00:53:11.000 What is this heyjoerogan.net?
00:53:13.000 What is that?
00:53:14.000 That's just what is on it.
00:53:16.000 You don't have to put heyjoregan.net.
00:53:17.000 Okay.
00:53:18.000 You're going to erase all that.
00:53:21.000 Okay.
00:53:22.000 Okay.
00:53:22.000 Yeah.
00:53:22.000 That's for other people so they don't get nervous.
00:53:26.000 Okay.
00:53:30.000 When you put sick in like commas or in Does that mean kind of or like approximately?
00:53:39.000 Excuse me?
00:53:40.000 When people write sick.
00:53:41.000 S-I-C. Oh, spelling incorrect.
00:53:45.000 Oh.
00:53:46.000 It's when someone uses poor grammar or poor spelling.
00:53:50.000 All this time I've had to admit something.
00:53:51.000 How high am I right now?
00:53:52.000 One to ten?
00:53:53.000 Four.
00:53:54.000 Probably like a four.
00:53:56.000 Yeah, I'm not that high at all.
00:53:57.000 Not very hard There's 230 You motherfuckers We're rolling strong, bitches.
00:54:11.000 Merry Christmas.
00:54:12.000 Merry Christmas to all of you.
00:54:15.000 Alright.
00:54:16.000 What else?
00:54:16.000 I'm a fan of Jeet Kune Do.
00:54:18.000 I'm a fan of Bruce Lee.
00:54:19.000 I'm a fan of his idea.
00:54:20.000 His idea to add all the martial arts.
00:54:22.000 I mean, he was really the original mixed martial artist.
00:54:24.000 When I started out as a kid, I did karate and then I started doing Taekwondo.
00:54:29.000 And each one of those disciplines, karate and taekwondo, wanted you to think that their style was the best style, the end-all, be-all style.
00:54:37.000 Karate, they didn't want you training with taekwondo people.
00:54:40.000 Taekwondo people, they didn't want you training with karate people.
00:54:43.000 You know, judo people didn't want you training with kung fu people.
00:54:46.000 It was like everybody was like really attached to their style.
00:54:49.000 So really, Bruce Lee and Jeet Kune Do, that's the original mixed martial art.
00:54:53.000 That's the original guy to look at, you know, all the different systems and take what's useful from each one.
00:54:59.000 I mean, Bruce Lee was a genius when it came to martial arts.
00:55:02.000 Way, way, way ahead of his time.
00:55:07.000 I like this because the questions are slower and a Twitter-ism.
00:55:11.000 Yeah, this is pretty cool.
00:55:13.000 This is the first time I've done this.
00:55:15.000 Like I said, I'm always threatening to do this, but we're doing it now, you motherfuckers.
00:55:21.000 Subverter.
00:55:21.000 Talk more about Hunter S. Thompson.
00:55:25.000 I love that feeling where the truth just hits you.
00:55:28.000 You know, Anders Thompson was a fucking genius.
00:55:30.000 He was one of the very few dudes that really captured the angst of the 60s and the 70s, the Nixon era, and, you know, he was a part of the acid culture of the 60s.
00:55:42.000 He was a part of the culture, like, the San Francisco-Hate Ashbery movement, where it's like, everybody was doing acid.
00:55:48.000 All these people were, like, and good acid.
00:55:50.000 So all these people were, like, really coming together and they were really, like, releasing...
00:55:55.000 Their egos and their identity and kind of like losing themselves in a movement, in this hippie movement of the 60s.
00:56:03.000 Which seems like really stupid now.
00:56:04.000 We look at it and it's like, God, look at these idiots with their long hair and their stupid clothes.
00:56:08.000 But what they were doing was they were radically departing from the previous culture.
00:56:13.000 I mean, the difference between the 50s and the 60s is fucking gigantic.
00:56:18.000 The difference between like Buddy Holly and Jimi Hendrix...
00:56:21.000 I mean, that's another world.
00:56:26.000 I mean, that's not like a 10-year evolution.
00:56:29.000 That's an evolution that would have taken hundreds or maybe not even gotten there at all.
00:56:33.000 It's almost like they needed the drugs.
00:56:36.000 They needed acid and mushrooms and pot and peyote.
00:56:40.000 They needed all that shit and heroin to launch themselves from one...
00:56:46.000 One frequency to the next one.
00:56:49.000 And the 60s were a totally different frequency when it came to music, when it came to culture, and that set the stage for what happened in the 70s and the 80s and where the really crappy music that came from the 80s and Some of it in the 70s, but definitely the 80s.
00:57:05.000 What that is, is this consciousness, this incredible music where these people were really tuning into the art of it in the 60s.
00:57:15.000 More 60s music is classic fucking shit that you hear today and you go, God damn, that's a good song!
00:57:22.000 It's like they really figured out how to tap into the real shit, you know, the real energy that makes art interesting, that makes art resonate.
00:57:34.000 And I think they did it with drugs.
00:57:36.000 And I think that the decline in the 70s and certainly in the 80s was because there was like a void left where this...
00:57:47.000 Tuning in, this connection to the real pure source was gone.
00:57:51.000 It's like whatever they had hit, whatever frequency they had nailed in the 60s, the echoes of it had died down by the time the 80s hit.
00:58:00.000 I think Hunter S. Thompson had a fucking brilliant story that he wrote, a brilliant...
00:58:07.000 That he wrote, The Wave, talking about how the 60s was like a wave and that when the 60s ended you could see where the wave broke back, like where they thought that people could be, like where they saw the true potential of humanity, of the United States, of the human race in general, and you saw it just roll back and go back to where it was.
00:58:31.000 And that's what it was between the 60s and the 70s, you know?
00:58:33.000 And he nailed that shit better than anybody.
00:58:36.000 Hunter S. Thompson's words today, still, when you look at, like, especially what was going on with the Bush administration, and what was just, like, the clearest evidence ever of massive amounts of corruption in government, where, you know, it's, I mean, they got us into a war that made no fucking sense.
00:58:50.000 I mean, and it was obvious, like, across the board.
00:58:53.000 The internet was, you know, up.
00:58:55.000 Information was being, you know, very easily transferred back and forth, and yet it still managed to go through.
00:59:00.000 And the way he felt about the Nixon administration, I mean, you literally could substitute Nixon for Bush and then insert most of the shit that he said into the early 2000s.
00:59:13.000 Raw sound?
00:59:14.000 Does it sound shitty?
00:59:18.000 What do you think about doing a radio show of my own?
00:59:20.000 I would love to do a radio show.
00:59:21.000 The only problem is I don't think anybody wants to pay me to do a radio show.
00:59:25.000 I might have to do a radio show like this because right now, I mean, Adam Carolla has a suite set up where he does podcasts and he gets a lot of people to listen to it.
00:59:34.000 And that might be the way to go.
00:59:36.000 Because satellite radio is struggling financially.
00:59:39.000 And, you know, some people make money from it.
00:59:41.000 Like, you know, obviously Howard Stern makes a lot of money from it.
00:59:44.000 And I think Opie and Anthony make good money from it.
00:59:46.000 But they don't want to pay anybody else.
00:59:48.000 They're not making money.
00:59:49.000 So they don't have the money to give out.
00:59:50.000 So I think if I'm going to do any sort of...
00:59:54.000 Let me turn that up.
00:59:55.000 Does it work?
00:59:57.000 Is that any better?
00:59:58.000 Is that louder, anybody?
01:00:01.000 If I'm going to do any sort of a...
01:00:04.000 A podcast or something like that.
01:00:06.000 It's gonna be this.
01:00:07.000 It's gonna be like this.
01:00:08.000 And I saw Soulja Boy do it.
01:00:10.000 So I was like, yeah.
01:00:11.000 Remember that video of Soulja Boy and the guy in the background with his gold necklace?
01:00:14.000 Yeah.
01:00:16.000 Yeah, man.
01:00:18.000 Soulja Boy is fascinating to me.
01:00:20.000 If you don't know Soulja Boy...
01:00:22.000 He's a rapper, a very young fellow, who's wildly successful.
01:00:27.000 Made millions and millions of dollars.
01:00:29.000 And he's tattooed his entire body in like the course of like a few months.
01:00:32.000 Like all the way up his neck and his face is tattooed and his sleeves and his chest and everything.
01:00:38.000 I mean, he just tattooed the fuck out of himself with like writing and shit, like really bad artwork.
01:00:43.000 Really, really interesting.
01:00:44.000 It just, I guess he likes it.
01:00:45.000 It just went crazy.
01:00:46.000 How many times a day do you think he makes it rain?
01:00:48.000 Makes it rain?
01:00:49.000 I think he does it all day.
01:00:50.000 He's a multi-multi-multi-millionaire and he's only like 19 years old.
01:00:54.000 And when he became rich and famous, he was only like 17. He's an interesting little study right there.
01:01:00.000 When Kimbo says all day, what does it mean?
01:01:03.000 All day.
01:01:03.000 That's what it means.
01:01:04.000 Making it rain all day?
01:01:05.000 No, it doesn't mean making it rain.
01:01:07.000 When Kimbo says all day?
01:01:08.000 When Kimbo says all day, it means he's fucking dudes up all day.
01:01:12.000 This is how we do.
01:01:13.000 All day when he holds up them dukes.
01:01:15.000 I got some pretty fucking sweet Kimbo sliced t-shirts that I just got from my buddies at Tap Out.
01:01:20.000 Really?
01:01:21.000 Yeah, they're upstairs though.
01:01:22.000 Show me your drawings.
01:01:24.000 My drawings.
01:01:25.000 I can actually put those online.
01:01:27.000 Dude, that's pretty badass.
01:01:28.000 I should put those.
01:01:29.000 He just found his old drawings from when he was younger and they are amazing.
01:01:34.000 It's some shit that I made when I was a little kid.
01:01:37.000 Well, not a little kid.
01:01:38.000 I was like 18. Let me see.
01:01:41.000 Twit pic.
01:01:44.000 Oh, I can choose a picture from here.
01:01:48.000 I'll put it up in my Twitter.
01:01:50.000 Word.
01:01:51.000 I was pretty blown away.
01:02:01.000 He's really good at drawing.
01:02:03.000 And these two drawings he did are just amazing.
01:02:07.000 I mean, I thought I was good back in the day, but he blows me out of the water back in the day.
01:02:12.000 Because I never used a technical pen.
01:02:14.000 These technical pens are awesome.
01:02:15.000 Yeah, that seems pretty sweet.
01:02:16.000 Yeah, you would love it.
01:02:17.000 When I first started out, when I was a kid, I was really into comic books.
01:02:25.000 I wanted to be a comic book artist.
01:02:27.000 Big Bad Wolf 3. Where is it?
01:02:30.000 Oh, cool.
01:02:30.000 You already scanned it?
01:02:31.000 Yeah.
01:02:32.000 Scanned it?
01:02:35.000 Upload the tweet photo.
01:02:37.000 It's uploading.
01:02:38.000 When I was...
01:02:39.000 This might fuck everything up.
01:02:41.000 My gay ass internet service.
01:02:43.000 It's so slow.
01:02:45.000 Look how slow this is.
01:02:47.000 Because this is a big ass picture.
01:02:48.000 It's like three megs.
01:02:53.000 Two megs a second.
01:02:55.000 Charter.
01:02:56.000 Yeah, I gotta switch.
01:02:59.000 You tweet stuff to you or use the chat.
01:03:02.000 Oh, tweet stuff to me, man.
01:03:04.000 Don't...
01:03:04.000 Too many people chats too fast.
01:03:06.000 Yeah, too many people chats.
01:03:07.000 That shit ain't...
01:03:07.000 That shit ain't gonna work.
01:03:13.000 Tracy Lee just sent me a text message.
01:03:15.000 You guys know Tracy Lee?
01:03:17.000 From...
01:03:18.000 Dana was in the chat.
01:03:20.000 You missed it.
01:03:21.000 Oh, Dana was in the chat?
01:03:22.000 How's Dana in it?
01:03:23.000 I don't know.
01:03:23.000 That's not a real Dana.
01:03:24.000 She thinks it's a real Dana.
01:03:25.000 No.
01:03:27.000 Why do you think it's a real Dana?
01:03:28.000 How dare you be dumb?
01:03:30.000 How dare you?
01:03:31.000 Welcome to the internet!
01:03:32.000 Can you ask Cheeseburger?
01:03:34.000 Can I ask Cheeseburger?
01:03:35.000 Dana's got no fucking time to be in my goddamn chat.
01:03:38.000 Dude, quit saying you're Obama.
01:03:39.000 Let's have Obama be.
01:03:40.000 She says, I'm in the chat.
01:03:41.000 Alright, Tracy.
01:03:42.000 I got you right here, Tracy.
01:03:43.000 I'm in the chat, too.
01:03:46.000 The.
01:03:47.000 Chat.
01:03:48.000 Too.
01:03:49.000 And that wasn't Dana, you dumb bitch.
01:03:54.000 Is Tracy Lee?
01:03:56.000 She's the combat lifestyle photographer?
01:03:58.000 Yeah.
01:03:58.000 This is the best phone of all time.
01:04:08.000 The iPhone, ladies and gentlemen.
01:04:11.000 You really can't fuck with it.
01:04:12.000 We've tried every other phone.
01:04:15.000 I'm a technical fucking geek.
01:04:17.000 I'm a nerd.
01:04:17.000 I love phones.
01:04:18.000 But there's no phone that can fuck with the iPhone.
01:04:22.000 There's no network that can fuck with Verizon though.
01:04:26.000 And that's the real goddamn problem.
01:04:28.000 So I don't use the iPhone as my main phone.
01:04:30.000 I mostly use the iPhone these days as like an internet device.
01:04:34.000 I use it as like a little mini laptop and shit.
01:04:37.000 But for my phone...
01:04:39.000 I use one of these BlackBerry Storm 2s, which as a phone is not nearly as good.
01:04:44.000 It's kind of funky.
01:04:45.000 The typing on it's not bad.
01:04:46.000 The Storm 2 is definitely better than the Storm 1. But, man, fucking...
01:04:51.000 The network is a hundred times better.
01:04:56.000 The Verizon network...
01:04:59.000 When I had AT&T, like when I would drive to jiu-jitsu at night, I'd drive the same way, and I'd go through Hollywood, and my shit would drop out...
01:05:08.000 Three times on the way to Hollywood.
01:05:11.000 Three fucking times in 25, 30 miles, whatever it is.
01:05:14.000 Three times the shit would drop out.
01:05:16.000 With Verizon, straight through.
01:05:18.000 Never drops out.
01:05:18.000 Doesn't drop out anywhere.
01:05:20.000 They get better reception inside buildings.
01:05:22.000 It's just better reception, period.
01:05:24.000 And it's not like a little bit better.
01:05:26.000 It's like several times better.
01:05:29.000 It's like the amount of drop-offs that I get with Verizon are so tiny in comparison to the AT&T ones.
01:05:36.000 AT&T, they just got fucked by that iPhone.
01:05:39.000 That iPhone just overloaded their network, overloaded the shit out of it.
01:05:42.000 And the things, they just drop off all the time.
01:05:46.000 Something that AT&T has been pushing lately, and I agree, is not being able to use your data network while you're on the phone.
01:05:55.000 Verizon, when you're on the phone, you can't check your email and get new email or go on Twitter and get new Twitters while you're on the phone.
01:06:02.000 You can't use your data and your phone together at the same time.
01:06:05.000 Did you know that?
01:06:06.000 No, I didn't know that.
01:06:07.000 That's huge.
01:06:09.000 That's bigger than a dropped call once in a while, I think.
01:06:13.000 Yeah, that is bigger.
01:06:15.000 You'd have no idea what I'm talking about.
01:06:17.000 No, data and not being able to use data and talk at the same time.
01:06:20.000 Yeah, because what if you're on the phone?
01:06:21.000 You can't get emails while you're on the phone.
01:06:24.000 Yeah, that's gay.
01:06:26.000 And Verizon can't fix that with their current network.
01:06:29.000 Yeah, that's gay.
01:06:32.000 That's why they had that thing where they show that you can get on the phone and go in the apps.
01:06:36.000 Look, but...
01:06:37.000 That sucks!
01:06:38.000 It does suck, but I'll take being able to use the phone over that.
01:06:42.000 I like using the phone.
01:06:44.000 I like...
01:06:44.000 When I'm driving, I get my business done.
01:06:48.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:06:48.000 I have to get shit done.
01:06:50.000 And I have to talk to people.
01:06:52.000 And...
01:06:52.000 Sometimes I have conference calls.
01:06:53.000 Sometimes I do interviews while I'm driving my car, you know?
01:06:56.000 But you know, like you will call me up and you'll say something like, what's that?
01:06:58.000 How do you do this or something?
01:06:59.000 Like I'm on the phone and I'm like, hold on, let me go on.
01:07:01.000 I can't go on my, you can't do anything.
01:07:02.000 That's weak, yeah.
01:07:04.000 It is weak, but I'll take it.
01:07:05.000 I'll take that and have a signal.
01:07:07.000 I'll take not being able to do both at the same time and have a strong signal.
01:07:11.000 Right.
01:07:11.000 I'll take that.
01:07:12.000 And that's because the CDMA can't handle two streams at the same time.
01:07:15.000 Verizon actually uses older technology.
01:07:18.000 ATD actually has a newer technology.
01:07:20.000 Verizon's kind of in trouble.
01:07:22.000 They have a slower network.
01:07:24.000 It can't handle those two things at once.
01:07:27.000 Yeah, but it still works better.
01:07:29.000 I'll still take it.
01:07:30.000 Right.
01:07:31.000 4G isn't out yet here.
01:07:34.000 Somebody wrote, Soulja Boy is a fucking douche.
01:07:37.000 Listen, do you think you would be any better if you were 19 years old?
01:07:41.000 He's worth millions of dollars.
01:07:43.000 He is a douche on the internet, though.
01:07:44.000 Where he's showing his money and stuff.
01:07:46.000 He's a 19-year-old kid that's worth millions of dollars.
01:07:49.000 Literally.
01:07:50.000 I would be retarded if I was that rich when I was 19. Because the Jonas Brothers are hypnotized by Walt Disney.
01:07:58.000 Yes.
01:08:00.000 They drank the Disney Kool-Aid.
01:08:02.000 Yeah.
01:08:03.000 They don't even get pussy.
01:08:04.000 What's the point in being rich and famous if you're not even getting laid?
01:08:07.000 Right?
01:08:08.000 It's ridiculous.
01:08:09.000 We got rock stars that don't fuck.
01:08:11.000 They fuck.
01:08:12.000 They fuck now when they get married.
01:08:15.000 Miss Tracy Lee's in here.
01:08:16.000 She says the sound is fine.
01:08:17.000 Everybody that's in that chat, get the fuck out of there because I'm not paying attention to that shit.
01:08:23.000 Tweet it.
01:08:23.000 Tweet it, you dirty bitches.
01:08:24.000 How come the tweet isn't updating?
01:08:28.000 You're getting too many tweets per hour.
01:08:30.000 Really?
01:08:30.000 Probably.
01:08:31.000 Probably have to go.
01:08:32.000 Because this thing's open.
01:08:33.000 You see?
01:08:34.000 Two programs are taking your APIs.
01:08:37.000 Okay.
01:08:37.000 Alright.
01:08:38.000 I'm going to shut this one off.
01:08:39.000 I would shut that one off.
01:08:41.000 Alright.
01:08:41.000 I'm shutting TweetDeck off.
01:08:42.000 Bye TweetDeck.
01:08:45.000 Alright.
01:08:45.000 I'm just trying to optimize here because like I told you guys, I got a terrible internet connection.
01:08:50.000 But I'm not getting my goddamn Twitters.
01:08:53.000 So let me update this.
01:08:54.000 Bitch.
01:08:55.000 Right here.
01:08:56.000 Here we go.
01:09:00.000 Alright.
01:09:01.000 You know what?
01:09:01.000 Once you get your updated internet, we'll get you an HD camera too.
01:09:07.000 The Pope got laid out by a crazy woman.
01:09:09.000 I think it was a Pope.
01:09:10.000 I think it was some...
01:09:12.000 Some crazy chick tried to attack the Pope, but some other dude who was in government got hit in the face with a statue in Italy.
01:09:19.000 What is this?
01:09:20.000 They put an ad in front of us?
01:09:21.000 They put advertising.
01:09:22.000 What the fuck?
01:09:24.000 It's the newest thing.
01:09:25.000 They put some...
01:09:25.000 What are we advertising?
01:09:28.000 This is because I was talking about Soldier Boy.
01:09:31.000 Is that really Soldier Boy?
01:09:32.000 No, it's Soldier Boy's homies.
01:09:33.000 They're just chilling.
01:09:35.000 They're just hanging out.
01:09:37.000 Look at all my money.
01:09:38.000 Look at all my new sneakers.
01:09:40.000 Even the bottom of my sneakers is clean.
01:09:42.000 Yeah, that's bullshit.
01:09:43.000 It's bullshit.
01:09:44.000 They're advertising.
01:09:45.000 Please, everybody, click close on that advertisement.
01:09:49.000 Fucking goddamn heathens.
01:09:50.000 Show where the close button is.
01:09:52.000 It's right here.
01:09:53.000 It's the upper, lower, upper left corner.
01:09:56.000 What?
01:09:56.000 If you see that...
01:09:57.000 Yeah, that's right.
01:10:02.000 Yeah, just close that.
01:10:03.000 Close that shit.
01:10:04.000 Fucking advertisement.
01:10:06.000 That's one bad thing about Ustream, because I don't remember Justin TV having that.
01:10:09.000 Do they?
01:10:11.000 I don't know.
01:10:12.000 Justin TV is about to get in trouble with...
01:10:16.000 Justin TV's getting in trouble or something?
01:10:17.000 They were mentioned in that UFC. Yeah, they're in trouble.
01:10:21.000 Well, it's obvious if you have a thousand...
01:10:24.000 Justin TV's supposedly working with the people that are owning the copyright material.
01:10:30.000 Wouldn't it be easy if you noticed that one of your chat rooms went from zero to 2,000 in like a second?
01:10:36.000 Delete.
01:10:37.000 Delete.
01:10:39.000 Wow.
01:10:41.000 Like I said, you can't fight the internet.
01:10:44.000 People are going to figure out a way to put things online.
01:10:47.000 They're just going to...
01:10:47.000 I thought that was the real problem, was that people were taking a copy of it after the event and then uploading it to Torrance.
01:10:54.000 But that's not what the problem is.
01:10:56.000 The problem is streaming.
01:10:57.000 The problem is if you have any streaming, you're going to have pirated streaming.
01:11:00.000 Yeah.
01:11:01.000 You can't stop that.
01:11:02.000 I don't think you can stop it.
01:11:04.000 Maybe you can.
01:11:05.000 Maybe you can stop it by cutting back on those sites would probably stop it substantially, but that's going to...
01:11:09.000 It's gonna kill those sites.
01:11:11.000 It's gonna kill Ustream.
01:11:12.000 It's gonna kill JustinTV.
01:11:13.000 It's gonna kill those sites like this where you can just stream anything.
01:11:17.000 You motherfuckers.
01:11:19.000 Wow, 364 people.
01:11:20.000 This is like a packed comedy club, ladies and gentlemen.
01:11:22.000 Isn't that weird?
01:11:22.000 It's nuts.
01:11:23.000 Alright, let's take some questions here, you dirty bitches.
01:11:28.000 Wow, there's a lot of goddamn...
01:11:29.000 What of this marijuana and increasing brain cells You know, I don't know if it increases brain cells.
01:11:36.000 There's been some research that suggests that, and it suggests that it also slows down the progression of Alzheimer's.
01:11:42.000 I don't know.
01:11:43.000 It does a lot of good for you, though.
01:11:45.000 That's what people need to understand.
01:11:46.000 There's a lot of drugs that are terrible for you.
01:11:48.000 Marijuana's not one of them.
01:11:50.000 Marijuana does a lot of good things for you.
01:11:52.000 It calms you down.
01:11:53.000 It relaxes you.
01:11:55.000 It makes you take things...
01:11:56.000 I just got a text from Bruce Buffer.
01:11:59.000 Powerful.
01:12:00.000 It makes you...
01:12:03.000 It makes you consider other options.
01:12:04.000 It makes you consider other possibilities.
01:12:06.000 It makes you think about yourself more.
01:12:07.000 It makes you think about whether or not you're being a douchebag.
01:12:10.000 Whether or not you're behaving the right way.
01:12:13.000 Marijuana is good for you.
01:12:14.000 Does it give you extra brain cells?
01:12:15.000 I don't know.
01:12:16.000 I was going to write the cover of my Shiny Happy Jihad.
01:12:23.000 The first name for that CD was going to be Weed Made Me Smarter.
01:12:27.000 I was going to call it that, but I decided that was kind of like...
01:12:30.000 That sentence doesn't sound smart, though, for some reason.
01:12:33.000 Weed Made Me Smarter?
01:12:34.000 It's not supposed to be a correct sentence.
01:12:36.000 It's supposed to be funny and silly.
01:12:38.000 I think I'm going to do a book, though, called Weed Made Me Smarter.
01:12:41.000 I think that's going to be the name of the book.
01:12:45.000 You know, because that's like a good name for a book.
01:12:47.000 It grabs you.
01:12:50.000 That's something that would grab you.
01:12:52.000 You'd want to check it out.
01:12:55.000 Did I hear about Rick Simpson oil?
01:12:57.000 Yeah, it's like hemp that cures cancer or some shit.
01:13:02.000 What video games are my favorite of all time?
01:13:07.000 Quake.
01:13:08.000 I used to have a huge problem.
01:13:09.000 That's why I got a T1 line installed in my house.
01:13:11.000 I just play Quake every day, 8 hours a day.
01:13:13.000 Did you watch that video I posted where they go into the airport and just start spraying people?
01:13:17.000 What game is that?
01:13:18.000 Call of Duty, whatever, the new one.
01:13:21.000 The new one.
01:13:22.000 I've never played Call of Duty.
01:13:23.000 I don't want to get addicted, man.
01:13:24.000 I got problems.
01:13:26.000 I get addicted to everything.
01:13:27.000 I get addicted to pool.
01:13:29.000 I used to play pool 8 hours a day, more even sometimes.
01:13:32.000 I used to get addicted to video games.
01:13:34.000 That's why I'm scared of golf.
01:13:35.000 I've never played golf.
01:13:36.000 I'm terrified of that shit because I know dudes who play golf.
01:13:39.000 They sit around all day and practice fake swinging.
01:13:43.000 They get addicted.
01:13:44.000 And I get very badly addicted to games.
01:13:48.000 So I try to leave my addictions to things that benefit me now.
01:13:51.000 Like pool.
01:13:52.000 I like pool.
01:13:54.000 I don't play as much as I used to.
01:13:55.000 I just fuck around with it.
01:13:56.000 But, like, jujitsu and stand-up comedy, I try to be more...
01:14:00.000 I try to be addicted to things that are beneficial to me instead of things that are just going to, like, eat up all my day, which is what pool used to be for me and what video games used to be for me.
01:14:11.000 I used to have real fucking problems.
01:14:16.000 Thank you.
01:14:16.000 I'm glad you enjoyed the drawing.
01:14:18.000 I Twittered a drawing that I made when I was...
01:14:21.000 I think I was, like, 18 or 19 years old.
01:14:24.000 I used to want to be a comic book artist.
01:14:27.000 Red Dragons.
01:14:28.000 Indeed.
01:14:29.000 Red Dragons.
01:14:30.000 Have you seen the new preview for the new Karate Kid movie?
01:14:32.000 No, I have not.
01:14:33.000 It's Black Karate Kid.
01:14:34.000 They're redoing the Karate Kid, but the kid's black, and I think it's Will Smith's kid.
01:14:38.000 Yeah, it's Will Smith's kid.
01:14:39.000 I think that's awesome.
01:14:40.000 That's crazy.
01:14:41.000 Karate's making a comeback, man.
01:14:43.000 Leota Machida.
01:14:43.000 Yeah, but don't fuck with the Karate Kid, man.
01:14:46.000 Marijuana would bring California out of bankruptcy.
01:14:48.000 Do you really think so?
01:14:49.000 Don't fuck with the Karate Kid.
01:14:50.000 You say that like the Karate Kid was some awesome movie.
01:14:52.000 Dude, it's a childhood memory.
01:14:54.000 They fucked up G.I. Joe.
01:14:56.000 They fucked up Transformers.
01:14:57.000 Was G.I. Joe a movie?
01:14:58.000 Was G.I. Joe a movie?
01:14:59.000 Yes, and it was the worst movie ever.
01:15:01.000 No, but maybe before that movie.
01:15:03.000 What was it before?
01:15:04.000 Oh, before it was a cartoon series.
01:15:06.000 Cartoons.
01:15:07.000 Right.
01:15:08.000 They didn't really fuck it up, though.
01:15:10.000 They just made a bad move.
01:15:10.000 It was horrible, though.
01:15:11.000 Really?
01:15:12.000 It was awful.
01:15:16.000 How fast could BJ Penn beat Aoki?
01:15:18.000 Man, I don't know if there's anybody at 155 that can fuck with BJ Penn now.
01:15:22.000 Now that BJ's taking everything super serious and training like a dedicated athlete, he's a destroyer.
01:15:28.000 At 155, there's nobody that's even close to him.
01:15:31.000 I mean, no one's even in his frequency.
01:15:33.000 He's in the Matrix right now.
01:15:35.000 There's certain dudes that get to a certain point...
01:15:38.000 With confidence, with experience, with skill, technique, and then you add discipline and conditioning to that, they get to this crazy place that very few people can reach, this crazy high air.
01:15:50.000 And that's where BJ Penn's at right now, right?
01:15:52.000 Anderson Silva, too.
01:15:53.000 He's another one.
01:15:54.000 He's just in this air that nobody can fuck with that.
01:15:56.000 That's what's good about The Ultimate Fighter, though, because it's kind of bringing new people in.
01:16:00.000 Unknown people, you know?
01:16:01.000 Yeah.
01:16:02.000 But, you know, there's such a gigantic gap between these guys that have fought in these smaller organizations and the guys at the top of the food chain.
01:16:09.000 And you see, like, with Fedor Emelianenko, like, it takes so many years for a guy to become, like, the Fedor of today.
01:16:15.000 And Anderson Silva's a perfect example of that.
01:16:17.000 Like, Anderson Silva, when he's fighting in Pride, I mean, he got submitted by Rio Chonan, uh, Takassi got him in a mounted triangle.
01:16:25.000 Dudes were beating him.
01:16:27.000 Dudes were submitting him.
01:16:29.000 He knocked out Carlos Dundon, but he just didn't look like the Anderson Silva of today.
01:16:33.000 And he had to have those fights.
01:16:35.000 He had to have those losses.
01:16:36.000 He had to get better.
01:16:37.000 He had to rise.
01:16:38.000 He had to really get his shit together, really focus on his jiu-jitsu and really become black belts on the ground so he had this full package so that he was totally confident in throwing his strikes because he didn't worry at all about being on the ground.
01:16:50.000 And that's the Anderson Silva that you have now, this fully complete fighter.
01:16:53.000 But we had to see him evolve.
01:16:55.000 It took a long time for him to become the guy that he is today.
01:16:59.000 It takes a long time to make a full, complete mixed martial artist.
01:17:03.000 These guys today, the competition is staggering.
01:17:07.000 There's so many fighters now.
01:17:08.000 There's so many different organizations, so many fighters, and so many guys are good.
01:17:13.000 It's so hard to advance and to make it to the very top of the food chain in today's mixed martial arts world.
01:17:22.000 I mean, there's so much fucking competition.
01:17:24.000 It's amazing.
01:17:25.000 I mean, when I first started doing the UFC, I first started working for them in 1997, and it was tiny.
01:17:33.000 We did the first show in Dothan, Alabama.
01:17:35.000 There was nobody there.
01:17:36.000 I mean, there was like a thousand people or something like that, and it's because the tickets were really cheap, and because people came to see a fucking freak show.
01:17:42.000 There was nobody there that knew when someone was passing the guard, and nobody passed the guard back then either.
01:17:47.000 You know, nobody knew what the fuck was going on.
01:17:48.000 Nobody knew, you know, that leg kicks were, you know, really bad for you.
01:17:53.000 They'd fuck your legs up.
01:17:54.000 People would see a guy kicking somebody in the legs like, why is he doing that?
01:17:57.000 You know, like, back then you were allowed to punch people in the balls.
01:18:01.000 You know, you were allowed to pull hair.
01:18:02.000 You were allowed to pull on clothes.
01:18:04.000 It was crazy in the early days to what it is now.
01:18:07.000 It's really fucking amazing.
01:18:10.000 Your face is amazing.
01:18:11.000 Your fucking face is amazing.
01:18:14.000 Don Frye retired from MMA. Don Frye is a fucking real man that belongs in a movie.
01:18:19.000 They should make a movie out of Don Frye.
01:18:21.000 His fucking mustache alone is epic.
01:18:26.000 Don Frye's a real man, ladies and gentlemen.
01:18:29.000 A real goddamn man, 372 viewers.
01:18:32.000 I bet you this shit's fine.
01:18:34.000 They're saying this sounds good, but I think this sounds better when we've got it close.
01:18:38.000 I think it just needs to point towards your face.
01:18:40.000 Oh really?
01:18:41.000 I have it towards your fucking face.
01:18:42.000 Your face is pointing towards your face.
01:18:48.000 Where2Float.com.
01:18:49.000 Is that our website?
01:18:50.000 Where2Float.com?
01:18:51.000 If you Google where to float, I know you can...
01:18:53.000 If you want to know about flotation tanks, these are...
01:18:56.000 What this guy's asking about is a thing called a sensory deprivation tank.
01:19:00.000 And what that is is there's a tank filled with water.
01:19:02.000 If you haven't heard about this before, you can Google it and there's videos that we made that you can find online that Brian made.
01:19:09.000 If you see any of my videos from my website, and you go, wow, those are fucking really cool and creative.
01:19:14.000 This guy makes something.
01:19:15.000 That's Brian Reichel.
01:19:16.000 He's a fucking video genius, bitches.
01:19:18.000 Recognize.
01:19:19.000 And we made a really cool one that explains the isolation tank.
01:19:22.000 But what it is is a tank of water that has 800 pounds of salt in it.
01:19:27.000 And the water is heated to the same temperature of your skin.
01:19:30.000 And the salt makes you very buoyant, so you lie in the water and you float.
01:19:34.000 And the fact that the water is heated to the same temperature as your skin, you don't feel it.
01:19:39.000 So you're floating in this water.
01:19:40.000 You don't really feel the water anymore because the water and the air and everything, it all feels like one thing.
01:19:45.000 It feels like you're weightless and you're flying through space.
01:19:47.000 And when you close the door in this thing, you're in total darkness.
01:19:50.000 You're in total silence.
01:19:51.000 Your ears are underwater.
01:19:52.000 You don't hear anything.
01:19:53.000 And in the absence of any sensory input, you don't hear anything, you don't feel anything, you don't see anything.
01:19:59.000 In the absence of all that, your mind has no distractions, and your brain becomes supercharged, and you start having vivid hallucinations, and you start, like, it's really like a psychedelic experience.
01:20:10.000 You really start, you start, like, really, like, researching, like, your thoughts and getting to the heart of who you are, separate from culture, separate from language, separate from You know, your experiences.
01:20:24.000 You get down to who you are.
01:20:26.000 And then when you get to that, once you get past that is when the hallucinations start.
01:20:30.000 Because you kind of cease to exist as you define yourself as who you are by your job, the car you drive, the house you live in, the family you have, the friends you keep.
01:20:39.000 You define yourself by all these different things.
01:20:42.000 But when you're in that tank, all those things are gone.
01:20:44.000 There's no outside world.
01:20:46.000 There's just the mind.
01:20:48.000 It's the mind untethered from the body.
01:20:50.000 And when you're in that state, You kind of transverse.
01:20:55.000 You kind of travel between this consciousness and this reality to another one.
01:21:01.000 You travel outside of this world.
01:21:04.000 And you travel to the world of the deep inner thoughts.
01:21:08.000 The deep inner connection between whatever the fuck this life is.
01:21:12.000 The connection between your consciousness and the universe.
01:21:15.000 And it gets pretty fucking crazy.
01:21:18.000 I have one of those bitches in my basement.
01:21:20.000 I do it all the time.
01:21:23.000 Is it like a really great power nap?
01:21:25.000 No, it's not like a really great power nap.
01:21:27.000 It's like a really great mushroom trip.
01:21:29.000 But the best thing about it is you can end it at any second.
01:21:32.000 Anytime you want to end it, you just open up the door and you're stone cold sober.
01:21:34.000 So you can be in this deep trance where you're...
01:21:37.000 I've had really vivid, vivid hallucinations in there where I felt like I had traveled down to the very atomic structure of human beings and gotten through the lowest point.
01:21:52.000 And at that lowest point...
01:21:54.000 As you get lower and lower and deeper and deeper, it became like another universe.
01:21:58.000 And the idea in my head was that all of this life that we see, you know, subatomic particles to atoms to all these things, like this progression of things getting bigger and bigger and bigger to humans, to countries, to continents, to planets, to planets, to galaxies.
01:22:15.000 To galaxies, to universes, and this idea that things just keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger, well, it works infinitely in both directions.
01:22:25.000 It was like I was taken on a trip through the whole experience, from subatomic To atomic, to planets, to flying through space, to space being subatomic, to this new atom that exists, and it's a part of new organisms that exist, that are part of a new ecosystem that exists, that's a part of a new planet, that's a part of a new galaxy, that's a part of a new universe, and it goes on and on and on.
01:22:50.000 And I went through this whole thing over and over again, like multiple times, and it was really fucking crazy.
01:22:57.000 It was very, very vivid and very realistic and very, you know, very life-changing.
01:23:02.000 The whole thing is like doing it a lot.
01:23:04.000 You've got to do the isolation tank a lot and you've got to learn to relax and you've got to learn to give in to the experience because so many times when you're in there, you're thinking about things and you're worrying about things and you think about your bills and your bullshit and, you know, I'm going to lose weight and I've got to do this and all those thoughts Distract you.
01:23:22.000 It's like the state of mind that you can achieve in this isolation tank is very similar to the state of mind that you can achieve from, you know, when monks go through, you know, decades and decades of intense meditation.
01:23:35.000 Like they achieve the same type of state of mind, but you're achieving it like with no discipline.
01:23:40.000 So it's hard to manage sometimes.
01:23:42.000 But if you can learn to manage it and if you learn to go in with the correct thought process and to approach it the right way and maybe meditate before you go in and calm yourself and put yourself in a good state of mind and know how to navigate the waters of these experiences, then you can get to the crazy part.
01:23:58.000 The crazy part is hard to get to but it's there.
01:24:00.000 We should ask them which sounds better and switch between the three.
01:24:04.000 Okay.
01:24:05.000 Okay, what sounds better?
01:24:07.000 There's three settings to this microphone.
01:24:09.000 This is one.
01:24:10.000 What sounds better?
01:24:10.000 This is setting one.
01:24:11.000 Ready?
01:24:12.000 Hi, my name is Joe Rogan.
01:24:14.000 Okay.
01:24:15.000 Two.
01:24:16.000 This is setting two.
01:24:18.000 This is setting two.
01:24:19.000 Hi, my name is Joe Rogan.
01:24:20.000 Is this better?
01:24:21.000 Does this sound better to you?
01:24:23.000 Or setting three.
01:24:26.000 Hi, my name is Joe Rogan.
01:24:28.000 Does this sound better to you?
01:24:30.000 Which one sounds better, ladies and gentlemen?
01:24:32.000 Please, tweet now.
01:24:34.000 You're gonna annoy the fuck out of people that follow you and people that get your phone messages.
01:24:41.000 Sometimes I'll tweet, I'll get baked and I'll watch the Steven Seagal show and I'll tweet way too much and I get a lot of angry tweets from people.
01:24:49.000 It's annoying if you only follow below 100 people or something.
01:24:54.000 That's why I start following more and make it more just like a chat room almost.
01:24:58.000 Yeah, I have thousands of people following them.
01:25:01.000 I just hate when people reply to every single person that's ever written them, ever wrote them, ever, you know?
01:25:07.000 Yeah, that's a problem.
01:25:13.000 I'm gonna sign into Twitter right now.
01:25:19.000 One sounds best, three, you dick.
01:25:23.000 Three, you dick?
01:25:24.000 I'm a dick?
01:25:25.000 One and three are close, two sucks.
01:25:27.000 One and three are close.
01:25:29.000 Three is louder, but one seems better quality.
01:25:32.000 So it seems one, three, then two.
01:25:36.000 Okay, it seems like one is the one.
01:25:38.000 One, one, one, three!
01:25:40.000 Someone yelled out.
01:25:41.000 One, one, one for sure, one.
01:25:44.000 Most people are saying it's time between one and three, so let's go with one.
01:25:49.000 Alright, we're going to go with one.
01:25:51.000 Fuck you and your threes.
01:25:53.000 Whoa!
01:25:54.000 Strong words.
01:25:55.000 Very strong words.
01:25:59.000 How's your Melrose New Year's show?
01:26:02.000 Oh yeah.
01:26:03.000 I'm gonna be at the Melrose Improv, if anybody's in LA. The Improv on Melrose.
01:26:10.000 I'm gonna be there on New Year's Eve.
01:26:13.000 Two shows.
01:26:14.000 I think it's 8 and 10. Are you sure it's two shows?
01:26:17.000 Pretty sure.
01:26:18.000 I heard one show, and then just on Improv's website, they have an early time that you can go to eat dinner.
01:26:24.000 Really?
01:26:24.000 It looks like a second show, but it's not really two shows.
01:26:27.000 Well, that's a problem, because that bitch is going to sell out quick.
01:26:31.000 Yeah.
01:26:31.000 And then Vegas the following day at the House of Blues?
01:26:34.000 Yes.
01:26:35.000 The following day, January 1st, House of Blues.
01:26:39.000 Vegas.
01:26:41.000 Vegas, bitches!
01:26:43.000 And then, after that, it's Washington, D.C., January, I think 7th, or something like that.
01:26:48.000 Or no.
01:26:49.000 Yeah.
01:26:49.000 Is that, what's after?
01:26:50.000 I don't know.
01:26:51.000 Upcoming shows.
01:26:54.000 This fucking thing sucks.
01:26:56.000 The improv's website is dog shit.
01:26:59.000 See, Joe Rogan dinner, 10 p.m., and then 1001 Joe Rogan show.
01:27:04.000 Huh.
01:27:06.000 It's just saying that...
01:27:07.000 It says there's only one show.
01:27:09.000 Yeah, I think there is only one show.
01:27:10.000 I only have it on your website as one show.
01:27:12.000 One show, 10pm.
01:27:13.000 Ooh, this is going to be a disaster.
01:27:14.000 Yeah.
01:27:14.000 Oh, it's going to be crazy.
01:27:16.000 Yeah.
01:27:16.000 If you want to go to the improv, you've got to go now.
01:27:19.000 It looks like it's already sold out.
01:27:20.000 Is it sold out?
01:27:21.000 I'm trying to buy a ticket right now.
01:27:22.000 Oh, wait.
01:27:23.000 I'm trying to buy a ticket right there.
01:27:26.000 Oh, there's still tickets.
01:27:28.000 Okay.
01:27:28.000 You can still buy tickets, but get them quick because that bitch is going to sell out.
01:27:32.000 Maybe we'll add an 8 o'clock show.
01:27:35.000 I don't want anybody to get shut out.
01:27:37.000 And sometimes 8 o'clock is the move.
01:27:39.000 You go there, have a show, have a good time, get your freak on, have a couple laughs, and then go hide when it comes to midnight so you don't get bullets dropping on your fucking head from all the douchebags out here like to fire guns in the air and get crazy.
01:27:54.000 I can handle it.
01:27:55.000 And they drink and drive.
01:27:57.000 It's very dangerous.
01:27:58.000 I got some hilarious video of last New Year's there, of these old ladies dancing and stuff.
01:28:04.000 Oh yeah, that's right.
01:28:05.000 I wish we had that right now.
01:28:06.000 We could stream it.
01:28:07.000 We could stream it, right?
01:28:08.000 Yeah.
01:28:09.000 I'm gonna upgrade this internet, this weak-ass internet I got here.
01:28:12.000 Yeah, because then once I'll bring my laptop and then I'll start to be able to just send you videos and stuff like that.
01:28:18.000 We're gonna set it up like a goddamn fucking TV studio in here, bitches.
01:28:23.000 358 viewers.
01:28:24.000 I'm losing viewers.
01:28:24.000 It must be boring.
01:28:29.000 Answer some questions here.
01:28:32.000 At a late show in Vegas.
01:28:34.000 I don't think so, man.
01:28:36.000 Late shows in Vegas are a nightmare.
01:28:37.000 House of Blues is pretty big already.
01:28:39.000 Yeah, the House of Blues is a good size anyway.
01:28:41.000 The one thing that I won't do anymore is I used to do the House of Blues and I had most of the people were seated but then there was all the standing room in the back.
01:28:49.000 The problem is that standing room by the bar just becomes a bar and people just start talking and it becomes a fucking nightmare.
01:28:56.000 So no more shows.
01:28:57.000 I'm not doing any more shows ever anywhere where people have to stand out while they're watching the show.
01:29:01.000 And the reason being is because I went to see Doug Stanhope when he was in LA. And we went to see him and we're standing in the back of the room.
01:29:09.000 He did a standing room only show.
01:29:11.000 And it's like, after like an hour, your fucking back hurts.
01:29:15.000 Your neck starts bothering you.
01:29:17.000 It's not comfortable to stand up and watch a show.
01:29:20.000 I always figured, because I'm on stage standing for an hour, it's no big deal.
01:29:24.000 You can stand for an hour and a half and...
01:29:26.000 Talk on stage and it doesn't feel...
01:29:27.000 It's not a problem.
01:29:28.000 But standing still watching someone is a big difference.
01:29:32.000 That was the worst.
01:29:32.000 It's terrible.
01:29:33.000 Do you even remember like the last half of that show?
01:29:35.000 Yeah.
01:29:35.000 Because I was focused on my feet the whole time.
01:29:37.000 Yeah.
01:29:37.000 It's a terrible feeling.
01:29:39.000 And...
01:29:40.000 What's weird is I talked to somebody in Texas.
01:29:42.000 They walked out of the show because it was standing room only at Doug's show.
01:29:47.000 And they just walked out.
01:29:48.000 They were like, we couldn't take it anymore.
01:29:49.000 Yeah, I hate it.
01:29:50.000 So I'm not doing it anymore.
01:29:51.000 And I'm having problems with this.
01:29:53.000 Because I had a show booked in March at the Fillmore in New York City.
01:29:58.000 And they said that the whole balcony had to be standing.
01:30:01.000 I'm like, fuck that, man.
01:30:02.000 Give me less money.
01:30:04.000 Let's see what we can.
01:30:06.000 But they were like, you know, we can make more money if people stand.
01:30:08.000 And I was like, alright, you're done.
01:30:09.000 And so I canceled that gig.
01:30:11.000 And then the same thing happened in Houston.
01:30:13.000 I was supposed to do the House of Blues.
01:30:14.000 And the same thing.
01:30:15.000 They were like, well, you know, we need to have people standing in the back.
01:30:19.000 And I had it booked.
01:30:21.000 I don't know.
01:30:22.000 My agents are not communicating this to the people or they're not paying attention.
01:30:26.000 It's going through too many people before it gets to the person that makes the decision, but they wanted to have people stand, and I said, fuck that, so now I'm going to have to find a new gig in New York and a new gig in Houston, and I'm probably going to wind up doing the improv in Houston, I don't know, thinking about that, and maybe one of the clubs in New York City.
01:30:45.000 If you go to Joe's Twitter, a website that has his calendar on it, you just gain four people, though, so people like talking about standing.
01:30:52.000 Yes!
01:30:53.000 I've got more people now.
01:30:54.000 Do you remember standing, like, waiting for a roller coaster, and just standing, like, three hours for a roller coaster?
01:30:59.000 Sucks.
01:30:59.000 Like, lasts a minute.
01:31:01.000 Yeah.
01:31:02.000 Fucking terrible, man.
01:31:04.000 Yeah.
01:31:06.000 Run it like Tom Green.
01:31:07.000 Yeah, Tom Green's got an awesome setup.
01:31:09.000 I went to Tom Green's house.
01:31:11.000 I filmed his talk show there.
01:31:14.000 And he's got a fucking crazy setup, man.
01:31:16.000 Like, giant servers.
01:31:18.000 And he's got wires.
01:31:19.000 Big, you know, wires all throughout his living room.
01:31:22.000 Because, like, he's doing it, like, serious, hardcore style.
01:31:26.000 And he's doing it, or at least back then he was doing it.
01:31:28.000 He's still doing it, isn't he?
01:31:29.000 Or is he, like, is he straight pay-per-view now, though?
01:31:32.000 He can't watch it for free at all now anymore, right?
01:31:34.000 I think...
01:31:34.000 I think so.
01:31:35.000 Let's go to Tom Green Live and see that.
01:31:37.000 Is that the case, ladies and gentlemen?
01:31:38.000 If it is, I think that's a fucking mistake.
01:31:41.000 I think it is too.
01:31:42.000 That's a mistake.
01:31:43.000 Maybe it's the archives you have to be a member to watch.
01:31:46.000 That makes sense.
01:31:51.000 Maybe.
01:31:51.000 We'll see.
01:31:51.000 We're going to the channel.
01:31:53.000 He calls it the channel.
01:31:54.000 I don't know what that's all about.
01:31:56.000 Ready to receive stream.
01:31:57.000 Oh, he's doing stand-up comedy now, isn't that crazy?
01:32:01.000 Questions about membership and subscription service.
01:32:03.000 Okay, click here. Now, click here.
01:32:12.000 Okay.
01:32:13.000 Welcome to questions about support site.
01:32:16.000 Membership.
01:32:16.000 Full access to award-winning collection of video.
01:32:18.000 That's what it is.
01:32:19.000 Behind the scenes.
01:32:20.000 Can I cancel at any time?
01:32:22.000 Yes.
01:32:22.000 How much is it?
01:32:23.000 $5.95 a month.
01:32:24.000 Not bad.
01:32:25.000 Good price.
01:32:25.000 Good price.
01:32:26.000 I wonder if he's making money doing that.
01:32:27.000 $4.95 would have been better.
01:32:29.000 $4.95.
01:32:30.000 How about just five bucks?
01:32:31.000 Yeah.
01:32:31.000 What's with this fucking five shit?
01:32:34.000 $4.95.
01:32:35.000 That's stupid, man.
01:32:36.000 That drives me crazy.
01:32:38.000 Make a fire pots.
01:32:39.000 $5.99.
01:32:40.000 Just tell me it's $6, you fuck.
01:32:43.000 So do you open your presents on Christmas Eve?
01:32:46.000 Yeah, tonight we're going to open presents.
01:32:47.000 Why do you do that?
01:32:48.000 Is that something you grew up doing?
01:32:50.000 I'm impulsive.
01:32:51.000 I don't want to wait.
01:32:52.000 Why should I wait?
01:32:53.000 I'm grown up.
01:32:54.000 You do it at midnight?
01:32:55.000 No.
01:32:55.000 I do it in an hour or something.
01:32:58.000 I better get some good shit, too.
01:33:00.000 That's all I'm saying.
01:33:02.000 You know what sucks is that my parents sent me money and then I took that money to buy them presents and I actually spent more than that they sent me.
01:33:12.000 If I would have waited and sent them presents first and then they got me money, I would have felt like I got something.
01:33:17.000 But I felt like I just bought them presents.
01:33:19.000 And it's all about time.
01:33:20.000 Timing, you know?
01:33:21.000 They sent you money to buy them things.
01:33:23.000 Right!
01:33:23.000 It's like, what, I'm your personal shopper?
01:33:27.000 But if I would have sent them something first and then got money, I would have felt like, oh, I got some cash.
01:33:31.000 Right.
01:33:32.000 That's funny.
01:33:34.000 Interesting.
01:33:35.000 Alright.
01:33:36.000 Thanks for spending Christmas Eve with us.
01:33:38.000 You're welcome, Molly Watt.
01:33:41.000 I'm going to say people's names when I read your questions so you feel like I'm talking to you, because I am.
01:33:48.000 Were you pissed when you found out there was no Santa, or did you find out?
01:33:51.000 I found out there was no Santa because I stumbled into my parents rapping shit.
01:33:54.000 Oh, really?
01:33:56.000 And then we opened it the next day.
01:33:58.000 I was like, what the fuck?
01:34:00.000 Like I hid and I saw them right and then I just put two and two together.
01:34:02.000 My friend has this video of her daughter last year and her daughter's like, I saw Santa Claus last night.
01:34:07.000 He had a beard and he had a big stomach and had the belt and the mom's like, oh really?
01:34:13.000 Really?
01:34:13.000 Can you imagine?
01:34:14.000 Fucking liar.
01:34:15.000 I know.
01:34:15.000 Can you imagine watching that?
01:34:17.000 I would have to correct the kid.
01:34:18.000 I was like, listen, don't lie.
01:34:19.000 Don't lie.
01:34:20.000 Stop it.
01:34:20.000 You would have said that?
01:34:21.000 Yeah.
01:34:21.000 You can't see Santa.
01:34:23.000 He's invisible.
01:34:24.000 No, you can't lie to me.
01:34:25.000 I mean, she's like, she was like, Four.
01:34:27.000 Three.
01:34:27.000 She's a liar.
01:34:29.000 Do you want to see the video of that?
01:34:31.000 I think it's very important to call kids on being a liar.
01:34:33.000 I was a liar when I was a little kid.
01:34:35.000 This is what I'm saying.
01:34:36.000 I had a very vivid imagination and not such a good life, so I would always make up stories.
01:34:40.000 And I wish somebody had called me on my bullshit then, so it wouldn't have taken so long for me to figure it out on my own that people knew I was lying.
01:34:47.000 I didn't figure it out until I was like 10. You would think Pinocchio would have worked, though.
01:34:50.000 You know, when you're a kid watching Pinocchio?
01:34:52.000 I don't want a nose with a big nose.
01:34:53.000 Yeah, he's made of wood.
01:34:55.000 Wooden people can't fucking talk, man.
01:34:56.000 That's stupid.
01:34:58.000 Someone says, Upstate says, I steal your jokes and I use them as my Facebook messages.
01:35:05.000 I hope it gets you laid.
01:35:07.000 Does it get you laid?
01:35:08.000 If it gets you laid, I approve.
01:35:11.000 I give you thumbs up, sir.
01:35:13.000 Show us your breasts.
01:35:15.000 How dare you, D. LaRoche.
01:35:17.000 How dare you.
01:35:18.000 Man, I just have to keep up with these Twitters, you fucking freak.
01:35:20.000 But that's good with its Twitters.
01:35:22.000 It's good, though.
01:35:23.000 It's coming in now.
01:35:25.000 Will UFC ever have a 135 division?
01:35:27.000 I think the UFC and the WEC, the idea is eventually that it's going to be one thing.
01:35:32.000 When?
01:35:32.000 I don't know.
01:35:33.000 But I think it should be because I think guys like Jose Aldo and Uriah Faber and Mike Brown and Miguel Torres, those guys are fucking awesome.
01:35:41.000 They deserve all the attention that the UFC gets.
01:35:43.000 They deserve people to be clamoring for super fights and to see big pay-per-view bouts in Madison Square Garden and fucking...
01:35:53.000 The MGM Grand.
01:35:55.000 Those guys deserve to be at those kind of shows.
01:35:58.000 The level of talent in the WEC right now is staggering.
01:36:02.000 In the 135, 145 pound division.
01:36:04.000 These guys are fucking animals, man.
01:36:06.000 And even 155, they have some awesome fighters.
01:36:08.000 I think it would be beneficial to everybody if the UFC was all one thing.
01:36:14.000 Especially since they own the WEC. I think it would help everybody if they could make that happen.
01:36:18.000 if it's possible.
01:36:19.000 Rigorissack says, use that little kid liar in the act.
01:36:31.000 I don't know if that's really funny, sir.
01:36:34.000 I think that's funny right now.
01:36:38.000 Because we're talking about right now.
01:36:40.000 I don't know if you could recreate that.
01:36:41.000 It's not funny enough to recreate that and say it on stage.
01:36:46.000 Might be.
01:36:47.000 Might be when you're talking about if my daughter gets to the age where my...
01:36:52.000 Have you wrote any new conspiracy theory kind of comedy lately?
01:36:57.000 Because I remember you used to be really big into writing like Noah's Ark, you know, the pyramids and stuff.
01:37:02.000 It's like mystery type shit.
01:37:04.000 Yeah, I've been writing a lot of that shit lately.
01:37:06.000 That's my favorite shit.
01:37:07.000 That's my favorite shit.
01:37:08.000 Yeah, I'm writing more of that shit.
01:37:10.000 It's like comedy.
01:37:11.000 My comedy comes in big waves of creativity, waves of inspiration.
01:37:15.000 Is Clay Guido okay?
01:37:16.000 Yeah, he's okay.
01:37:17.000 Yeah, he got cut up.
01:37:18.000 Kenny Florian cut him up with some elbows.
01:37:21.000 Web beastie.
01:37:23.000 Alright, we've got some other questions here.
01:37:26.000 What's my take short fuse on Jesse Ventura's new show?
01:37:29.000 We already talked about that earlier, but I think people look for conspiracy.
01:37:33.000 There's a lot of conspiracies that are real, but there's a lot of shit that people are just looking for conspiracies.
01:37:42.000 Looking for love.
01:37:45.000 Let's see.
01:37:48.000 A lot of questions about that Jesse Ventura show.
01:37:51.000 You know why?
01:37:52.000 Because I believe a lot of weird shit.
01:37:55.000 So people always come to me when it comes to conspiracy theories.
01:37:59.000 But like we were talking about earlier, like Google Operation Northwoods.
01:38:04.000 Google Operation Midnight Climax.
01:38:08.000 Some conspiracies are fucking real.
01:38:10.000 Real and proven.
01:38:13.000 Man, I can't keep up with these Twitters.
01:38:15.000 Google Christopher Columbus.
01:38:16.000 What did Christopher Columbus do?
01:38:18.000 Did not discover America.
01:38:20.000 That's true.
01:38:21.000 He landed in like the Bahamas, right?
01:38:22.000 Yeah, but yet we are celebrate that dude.
01:38:27.000 Fucking crazy When am I coming to Atlanta I don't know.
01:38:38.000 I think the last offer I got from the comedy club wasn't good, so I might come to Atlanta and do a theater or something.
01:38:44.000 I like comedy clubs.
01:38:45.000 I like the idea behind them.
01:38:47.000 I like supporting these local clubs that keep local comedians in business and stuff.
01:38:54.000 But sometimes they don't give you the best deals.
01:39:00.000 Is Brock going to live?
01:39:02.000 Yes, I believe Brock Lesnar is going to live.
01:39:04.000 You going back to Columbus, Ohio?
01:39:05.000 I'm going back to Columbus, Ohio.
01:39:07.000 We're trying to go back in March, but it didn't work out.
01:39:11.000 I'm going to get my tattoos done.
01:39:13.000 I got them a few years ago.
01:39:14.000 I'm going to do my right arm soon.
01:39:16.000 Are you really?
01:39:16.000 Yeah.
01:39:17.000 I'm going to do Aaron Delvedova, the guy who did this arm.
01:39:23.000 Is he going to do the new one?
01:39:26.000 What do you think it's going to be?
01:39:27.000 Badass.
01:39:28.000 I'm going to do Samurai vs.
01:39:31.000 a Tiger.
01:39:31.000 One of those classic Samurai vs.
01:39:33.000 a Tiger.
01:39:33.000 Japanese style tattoos.
01:39:35.000 You should make the background be a circuit board now.
01:39:37.000 A circuit board?
01:39:39.000 Hmm.
01:39:41.000 Maybe.
01:39:42.000 I think about adding something weird to it.
01:39:44.000 We're still talking about it right now.
01:39:46.000 He hasn't drawn everything yet.
01:39:50.000 Damn, there's a lot of fucking questions.
01:39:54.000 Damn, you're only five minutes deep.
01:39:57.000 370 players, motherfucker.
01:40:00.000 When am I coming to Indianapolis?
01:40:02.000 I don't know.
01:40:02.000 Never been.
01:40:03.000 Is it good?
01:40:04.000 No.
01:40:04.000 Don't lie to me.
01:40:05.000 No.
01:40:06.000 Am I good there?
01:40:06.000 No.
01:40:07.000 I went to Pittsburgh once, and it smells like suicide.
01:40:11.000 Didn't like Pittsburgh.
01:40:12.000 Indiana's not bad.
01:40:13.000 It's so boring.
01:40:14.000 I like to come to places where it sucks and give people a good time, but...
01:40:18.000 Let's go to Columbus, make them drive.
01:40:22.000 Not too many comedy clubs in Atlanta anymore.
01:40:24.000 They've got a couple.
01:40:25.000 They've got a lot of good comics that come out of Atlanta.
01:40:27.000 The Punchline Atlanta.
01:40:28.000 A lot of good comics come out of Atlanta.
01:40:29.000 There's a new one.
01:40:30.000 There's a new comedy club I just heard the other day that's really good in Atlanta.
01:40:35.000 Damn, I lost three people.
01:40:37.000 I was up to 370. I hate Atlanta.
01:40:40.000 I'm not getting any good questions here, bitches.
01:40:42.000 These questions are terrible.
01:40:45.000 Killer Whales.
01:40:46.000 We already talked about Killer Whales.
01:40:47.000 You know, the problem is a lot of these people are coming...
01:40:50.000 At the end of this, and we've been broadcasting for how long now?
01:40:54.000 Is it still recording?
01:40:55.000 I think so.
01:40:57.000 I wonder how long it- Wow.
01:40:59.000 That's cool.
01:41:00.000 How long have you been recording for?
01:41:02.000 We've been doing it for an hour and 40 minutes.
01:41:04.000 Wow.
01:41:06.000 That's cool.
01:41:06.000 It records all of it though.
01:41:08.000 I know.
01:41:08.000 Dude, you could also get a premium channel.
01:41:11.000 An hour and 40 minutes.
01:41:11.000 You know what that means?
01:41:12.000 I think you can get a premium channel on Ustream.
01:41:15.000 It adds stuff.
01:41:16.000 Time to refuel.
01:41:22.000 It adds stuff.
01:41:28.000 When am I in Chicago?
01:41:29.000 I do not have a gig in Chicago, Dinojitsu.
01:41:33.000 I don't have anything lined up, but I'll be back there again.
01:41:36.000 When am I planning to come back to Edmonton?
01:41:38.000 I was just there a couple months ago and the problem is I gotta have new material for you guys.
01:41:42.000 And I like to come no more than once a year so that I have enough time to write a bunch of new shit.
01:41:49.000 So I don't want you seeing the same act every time I come.
01:41:52.000 I want to have a bunch of new shit.
01:41:54.000 This is the worst feeling in the world when you're performing for people and you know they're like, oh, I've heard this before.
01:41:59.000 You want them to, like, some bits it's cool.
01:42:01.000 Like, if you want to hear some bits, you know, that you like classics and you want to hear them live, I totally understand that.
01:42:07.000 But I know you want to see mostly new shit.
01:42:09.000 So I come to places, I try to come no more than once a year.
01:42:13.000 And ideally, I like to come every year and a half.
01:42:15.000 I like to make sure that you've got plenty of new shit.
01:42:19.000 I need to rewrite the first CD. Haha.
01:42:23.000 Brian thinks I need to put my first CD on DVD. Rewrite it and redo it.
01:42:28.000 Rewrite all the jokes and master every single joke.
01:42:31.000 I think it's better to just leave it alone and just come up with new shit.
01:42:35.000 Anything in Philly?
01:42:36.000 I'll be back in Philly again too.
01:42:37.000 I love that place.
01:42:38.000 Helium is the shit.
01:42:39.000 That place is awesome.
01:42:40.000 But if you go to JoeRogan.net, my website, there's my whole schedule up and it'll tell you exactly where I'm going to be.
01:42:48.000 Chattanooga, Tennessee has a great comedy club.
01:42:50.000 How dare you just fucking lie to me like that?
01:42:55.000 How dare you, dude?
01:42:57.000 Tennessee's cool.
01:42:58.000 Chattanooga.
01:42:58.000 I like Tennessee.
01:42:59.000 I was just in Memphis.
01:43:00.000 We had a good time in Memphis.
01:43:02.000 Memphis was fun.
01:43:03.000 You know what?
01:43:04.000 I don't know.
01:43:04.000 West Virginia.
01:43:05.000 I hate West Virginia.
01:43:07.000 Virginia's awesome, though, if you've ever been to Virginia.
01:43:09.000 You don't like West Virginia?
01:43:10.000 West Virginia sucks, but Virginia's kind of cool.
01:43:12.000 Pittsburgh smells like crud by the funny bird right there.
01:43:15.000 We're not all poo.
01:43:17.000 Hmm.
01:43:17.000 Okay.
01:43:20.000 Did you know that there's a show called Campus PD and it's cops only on college campuses?
01:43:26.000 That's hilarious.
01:43:27.000 And it's just girls puking, getting naked, just bar fights.
01:43:31.000 When's the show on?
01:43:32.000 It's on G4. It's like on every day I think.
01:43:35.000 And it's called Campus, I think Campus PD, and it's just cops on campus.
01:43:39.000 That doesn't seem like it should be fair.
01:43:41.000 You shouldn't, if you're a kid, first of all, if you're in college, you're going to want to be on that stupid show because you're dumb and you're going to want to be on TV. And it's not fair for them to exploit you like that, exploit your vulnerability.
01:43:52.000 They have this incredible access.
01:43:54.000 They can put you on fucking television.
01:43:55.000 Like the Jersey Shore, for sure those guys are getting exploited.
01:43:58.000 Here's the question, though.
01:43:59.000 Some of the people in the show are blurred out, and regular cops and the show, but most of the time they're not blurred.
01:44:05.000 Because if they're not blurred, it means they signed a release.
01:44:07.000 Yeah, but what did they get?
01:44:09.000 Did they get off?
01:44:10.000 Did they get charges off?
01:44:12.000 What is the deal there?
01:44:13.000 That's a good question.
01:44:14.000 Did they get $500 credit towards bail?
01:44:17.000 Well, how bad are their crimes?
01:44:19.000 It's from attempted murder all the way.
01:44:21.000 I mean, you watch Cops.
01:44:23.000 Oh, Cops.
01:44:23.000 Yeah.
01:44:23.000 I think a lot of those guys would do it for money.
01:44:26.000 It's money.
01:44:26.000 They'd say, we'll give you $50 or $100.
01:44:27.000 $50.
01:44:28.000 Sign this.
01:44:28.000 A lot of them are probably so fucking dumb, you know, they just sign it.
01:44:31.000 They just want to be on TV. Man, for real!
01:44:34.000 They gotta watch the Steven Seagal show.
01:44:35.000 Steven Seagal has got this guy's fucking arrested.
01:44:38.000 They pull him out of there.
01:44:39.000 They're fucking throwing this guy down the ground.
01:44:41.000 You know, the guy said he had a gun and he got pulled over in his car and he told him he had a gun.
01:44:45.000 And they grab him and they yank him out.
01:44:47.000 You reach under your car and you said you had a gun.
01:44:49.000 Oh man, I'm just trying to park the car.
01:44:52.000 Is that Steven Seagal?
01:44:54.000 That's Steven Seagal!
01:44:55.000 Yo, man, I just need to shake your hand, brother!
01:44:57.000 They got this guy handcuffed.
01:44:58.000 I mean, this guy is going to jail.
01:45:00.000 That's crazy.
01:45:00.000 He's got a fucking gun in his car illegally.
01:45:03.000 They pull him over and all he wants to do is shake his hand.
01:45:05.000 That's Steven Seagal!
01:45:06.000 He just wants to shake his hand.
01:45:08.000 It's on A&E. It's fucking brilliant.
01:45:11.000 It's brilliant.
01:45:12.000 Nothing more brilliant than the way he talks to black people, though.
01:45:14.000 He goes into the black boys.
01:45:16.000 What up, cuz?
01:45:17.000 What's going on?
01:45:17.000 Much love, much love.
01:45:19.000 Yeah, yeah, he talks black to them.
01:45:20.000 It's awesome.
01:45:22.000 It's awesome.
01:45:22.000 Do you think cheaters is real or fake?
01:45:25.000 Cheaters is fake.
01:45:26.000 Do you think all of it or just some of them?
01:45:28.000 Some of it.
01:45:28.000 Whatever they need to do.
01:45:29.000 Yeah.
01:45:30.000 Some of it's real.
01:45:30.000 Some of it got stabbed.
01:45:31.000 When he got stabbed, that shit was real.
01:45:33.000 That guy fucking stabbed him.
01:45:34.000 I was watching an episode last night and this boyfriend attacked the other boyfriend.
01:45:38.000 He has him in a headlock.
01:45:39.000 He's going, I'm like, wait.
01:45:40.000 He's just doing this.
01:45:42.000 He's not going...
01:45:43.000 You would be just punching his head, right?
01:45:45.000 You wouldn't just be going like...
01:45:46.000 A lot of it is staged.
01:45:48.000 They give him some money.
01:45:49.000 Jersey Shore needs to die, Rob Fitz07 says.
01:45:54.000 I disagree, Rob Fitz07.
01:45:56.000 Why does he need to die?
01:45:58.000 They're definitely getting exploited, but you know what?
01:46:00.000 Fuck them.
01:46:02.000 Fuck them.
01:46:03.000 Exploit it.
01:46:03.000 Exploit the shit out of them.
01:46:05.000 Let me see it.
01:46:06.000 Let me see the whole thing.
01:46:07.000 I grew up with people like that.
01:46:09.000 Guidos don't just exist in New Jersey.
01:46:12.000 I grew up with Guidos in Boston.
01:46:14.000 I know a lot of them from East Boston especially.
01:46:16.000 I know a lot of Guidos.
01:46:17.000 Revere.
01:46:18.000 I used to teach Taekwondo at a place called Nautilus Plus in Revere.
01:46:21.000 Revere, Massachusetts is the Guido capital of the world.
01:46:24.000 It was all eye rocks and big hair.
01:46:26.000 Some of my earliest jokes when I started out doing comedy were all about Revere.
01:46:32.000 It's all about what a shit neighborhood it is.
01:46:33.000 I would have hated to have grown up in that shit, man.
01:46:36.000 The good thing is you appreciate nice, relaxed, cool people after you've been in an environment like that.
01:46:42.000 You appreciate people that are on a different frequency.
01:46:45.000 Instead of this, everybody trying to get pumped up.
01:46:48.000 You know, I'm trying to get fucking swole.
01:46:50.000 Everybody's trying to wear the right clothes.
01:46:52.000 I'm wearing fucking cologne.
01:46:53.000 The bitches like the smell.
01:46:54.000 I knew so many guys like that.
01:46:56.000 When I watch Jersey Shore, it's almost a little too painful to me.
01:47:00.000 Like, I knew too many dudes like that.
01:47:06.000 Rob Fitz.
01:47:07.000 Oh, I can't keep going to you, buddy.
01:47:09.000 Bad Bobby.
01:47:10.000 Hey, Bad Bobby.
01:47:11.000 He says, I've been smoking weed and watching Jersey Shore all day laughing.
01:47:15.000 Folks, you should follow Bad Bobby.
01:47:17.000 He's a very fine guy.
01:47:18.000 I might not be the real Bad Bobby.
01:47:20.000 You don't think so?
01:47:21.000 No, because there's two Anons.
01:47:22.000 And I know one's real and I know one's not.
01:47:25.000 Yeah, the spelling is a little too good.
01:47:27.000 Right.
01:47:28.000 It might be a fake Bad Bobby.
01:47:30.000 Bad Bobby is an internet legend and I think some people might want to fake being Bad Bobby.
01:47:36.000 Bad Bobby is a real dude.
01:47:38.000 He owns a strip club.
01:47:39.000 It's a very interesting character.
01:47:40.000 He was a stockbroker, made a ton of money and then retired to open up a strip club in Vancouver and just bangs chicks all day.
01:47:51.000 He's just a bad motherfucker.
01:47:52.000 He just eats steaks, shoots human growth.
01:47:54.000 He's always telling people to get him coffee too.
01:47:57.000 He just drinks so much coffee.
01:47:58.000 Shut up and get me coffee.
01:48:00.000 He's a funny dude.
01:48:01.000 He says really, really funny shit.
01:48:03.000 And he lives in Vancouver.
01:48:07.000 I can't wait to see him again.
01:48:08.000 We're going to see him again in June when we go up there for the UFC. Hollaback!
01:48:12.000 That's the rumor.
01:48:13.000 UFC in June.
01:48:18.000 When's UFC Japan?
01:48:20.000 I want to see that.
01:48:22.000 I don't know.
01:48:23.000 It's hard to go over there, I think.
01:48:28.000 Let's see, get some questions here.
01:48:30.000 Man, this stream is coming in too fast.
01:48:31.000 I can't read these bitches.
01:48:32.000 That's cool though, that's the Twitter stream.
01:48:36.000 Did I see the bit on SNL about Jersey Shore?
01:48:38.000 Man, I haven't watched SNL in a long time.
01:48:40.000 I find it really hard to trust them.
01:48:43.000 You know, it's like so many of those sketches are just not funny.
01:48:46.000 It's too hard to trust, you know, to like...
01:48:49.000 To commit to sitting there.
01:48:50.000 It's one of those things.
01:48:51.000 I'll give you a few.
01:48:52.000 I watch the clips when there's things on the internet that are really funny.
01:48:56.000 Like Dick in a Box.
01:48:57.000 Remember that?
01:48:57.000 That was an SNL gag, wasn't it?
01:48:59.000 Yeah.
01:49:00.000 I watch them when they get to the internet.
01:49:01.000 But I need somebody else to edit it, find the funny ones, and make a big deal out of it.
01:49:06.000 I can't commit to watching that show.
01:49:10.000 Have I seen Avatar yet?
01:49:11.000 No, I have not.
01:49:12.000 Brian and I are going to go see it probably the day after Christmas.
01:49:15.000 We're going to get fucking shroomed up.
01:49:18.000 We could go to the 3D. Dude, I think we're already going to have heart attacks.
01:49:22.000 Yeah, but to do a shroom, that's the way to do it.
01:49:25.000 Not crazy.
01:49:27.000 Not what Terrence McKenna would call a heroic dose.
01:49:29.000 I took a little and I was shitting myself last time.
01:49:31.000 Well, let's just go with pot cookies.
01:49:32.000 You want to go with pot cookies?
01:49:33.000 That's fine.
01:49:34.000 I got some pot cookies that are just like shrooms.
01:49:35.000 Yeah.
01:49:36.000 They might as well be shrooms.
01:49:37.000 Yeah.
01:49:38.000 Please talk about ancient alien theories, he says in all caps, JG129. Please talk about ancient alien theories.
01:49:48.000 The big theory of the ancient alien theories is that human beings were manufactured and that they used genetic manipulation to take monkeys and add alien DNA to the monkeys to make people.
01:50:01.000 What do you think about that, Brian?
01:50:02.000 I think Asians are aliens.
01:50:04.000 They could be, right?
01:50:05.000 Maybe that's why they're so hot.
01:50:06.000 Who the fuck is calling me while I'm on my podcast, goddammit?
01:50:11.000 Excuse me, I'm in the middle of a podcast...
01:50:19.000 Oh, how much longer should I be?
01:50:23.000 Okay, you want me to end soon?
01:50:26.000 Hi, Muffin.
01:50:27.000 Daddy's on the internet.
01:50:30.000 Okay.
01:50:31.000 Ten minutes, okay?
01:50:33.000 Okay.
01:50:33.000 All right, ladies and gentlemen.
01:50:35.000 That's the reality.
01:50:36.000 See?
01:50:37.000 You see me fucking stand-up comedian slash cage fighter?
01:50:40.000 No.
01:50:41.000 Pussy whipped husband and daddy.
01:50:43.000 Daddy has to stop smoking weed and doing his little webcam show because everybody wants to eat and they want to open up Christmas presents.
01:50:51.000 Merry Christmas, you dirty bitches.
01:50:53.000 What was I talking about before that happened?
01:50:56.000 Oh, we're talking about ancient aliens.
01:50:58.000 What's your theory?
01:50:59.000 Asians landed and had Asians.
01:51:03.000 The Asians nowadays aren't aliens, but they're a breed of aliens.
01:51:08.000 Maybe they're more alien than we are.
01:51:11.000 Maybe there's different formulations.
01:51:13.000 Maybe that's what all the different breeds of human beings are.
01:51:19.000 Or they're pure.
01:51:20.000 We're just mutts and they're pure.
01:51:22.000 They're more pure to the actual human race, you know?
01:51:25.000 Well, definitely Asians are more pure.
01:51:27.000 I mean, there's billions of them and they look very similar.
01:51:31.000 That's incredible that they managed to do that.
01:51:33.000 I mean, I guess they'd probably look at Europeans in a similar way, but the difference is with the blonde hair, red hair, and brown hair.
01:51:40.000 Europeans come in all different colors and sizes, but even, like, you go Korean to Japanese to Chinese, it's all black hair, it's all real similar skin tones.
01:51:51.000 I mean, goddamn, there's some similarities in the Asian cultures.
01:51:53.000 I would love to be Asian, I think.
01:51:55.000 Really?
01:51:55.000 Yeah.
01:51:57.000 Do you have an excuse for having such a little dick?
01:51:59.000 Oh!
01:52:00.000 No, I mean, seriously, they don't have to shave.
01:52:03.000 Most of them don't have to shave.
01:52:04.000 I hate shaving, dude.
01:52:05.000 I don't mind shaving.
01:52:06.000 I fucking hate it.
01:52:07.000 Well, you shave everything.
01:52:09.000 I don't shave everything.
01:52:10.000 You enjoy it.
01:52:10.000 You're making an adventure.
01:52:11.000 I keep my bald hair going.
01:52:12.000 My lower bald hair I shave off because there's some gray ones in there I'm trying to avoid, but my upper pews, I leave those bitches alone.
01:52:18.000 I trim them a little bit.
01:52:19.000 When I lived alone, I would take Nair and put on a trash bag and roll around like a pig.
01:52:24.000 Really?
01:52:25.000 Just to get it all over my back.
01:52:27.000 And then you can get the scraper, so then you would have to get like a towel.
01:52:34.000 And you rub yourself?
01:52:35.000 Just rub hard.
01:52:35.000 Really?
01:52:36.000 Does it work?
01:52:37.000 Yeah.
01:52:37.000 Wow.
01:52:39.000 Brian, Innovative Hair Loss Methods by Brian Reichel.
01:52:44.000 I had a nice, fat, thick mountain man beard for a while.
01:52:47.000 Back when I was doing that Evan Tanner tribute beard, I had a good one going, but I had to shave it for something I had to do.
01:52:56.000 Rejoin the human.
01:52:58.000 Rejoin society.
01:53:00.000 Well, back when I came back from Colorado too, I was really thinking about growing one in Colorado, but that might push me well over the edge.
01:53:06.000 When I was living in Colorado on the top of a mountain, if I had a beard up there too, I probably would've got way close to an animal.
01:53:12.000 If I let myself all get crazy hairy.
01:53:14.000 Was there any point of living there that you were just outside and you were just like, holy shit, this is scary.
01:53:19.000 What am I doing here?
01:53:20.000 Yeah, definitely.
01:53:21.000 It was definitely scary.
01:53:22.000 But that was part of the appeal of it to me, is that it was so off the grid.
01:53:26.000 It was so outside of the way a normal person every day gets to experience life.
01:53:32.000 I was living in the fucking woods.
01:53:34.000 Not just kinda in the woods.
01:53:35.000 I was living on 150 acres on the top of a mountain in Boulder, Colorado.
01:53:40.000 Outside of Boulder.
01:53:41.000 I mean, it was like 9 miles above Boulder.
01:53:43.000 It was pretty trippy.
01:53:44.000 8,500 feet above sea level and all sorts of wildlife.
01:53:48.000 Deer every day.
01:53:49.000 I was on a dirt road for 8 miles.
01:53:52.000 Every day I would see deer.
01:53:53.000 Every day I would see foxes.
01:53:55.000 Occasionally I would see porcupines.
01:53:56.000 People saw a bear.
01:53:57.000 I never saw a bear.
01:53:58.000 I saw a mountain lion in my backyard.
01:54:00.000 I mean, you saw a lot of shit.
01:54:01.000 Eagles all the time.
01:54:02.000 I mean, it was really intense.
01:54:04.000 It was so real.
01:54:06.000 It was so like...
01:54:08.000 You know, you're driving, you're seeing wild animals, like real wild animals, big fucking 10-point bucks walking down the street, you know?
01:54:16.000 It's very, very interesting.
01:54:18.000 It's just the fact that you can live somewhere like that.
01:54:22.000 I think people get stuck into patterns, and I think it's real easy to get stuck in the same way of thinking, the same way of looking at the world, and nothing changes that, like, moving to a new place for a while, and moving to a place that's as stunning as the mountains of Colorado.
01:54:36.000 I would love to go back, but...
01:54:38.000 It's just not practical to have a wife and kids and, you know, and have little vulnerable babies and being around fucking wild monsters.
01:54:46.000 I mean, my dog got eaten by a mountain lion when we were up there.
01:54:49.000 That's for real.
01:54:50.000 Like, we saw a mountain lion.
01:54:52.000 I let the little dog out by himself.
01:54:54.000 Dog disappears.
01:54:54.000 I mean, that dog got eaten by a fucking mountain lion.
01:54:57.000 You know, which is very likely.
01:54:59.000 And those animals die of predation up there all the time.
01:55:02.000 It's very common.
01:55:03.000 They even prey on animals.
01:55:04.000 They get used to them.
01:55:05.000 They get used to...
01:55:07.000 Recognizing and associating the barks.
01:55:09.000 Barks are these animals with prey.
01:55:11.000 And so they go towards where they hear barks.
01:55:13.000 So it's actually kind of dangerous when you have a fucking house with dogs barking.
01:55:17.000 Because sometimes these mountain lions, like if they're hungry, especially if they're old, and they can't catch deer anymore, they know these dogs are like in a cage.
01:55:24.000 They're like, hey, I'm food, I'm food.
01:55:25.000 They hop over that fence like it ain't shit.
01:55:28.000 Jack dogs, they do it all the time.
01:55:30.000 They're scary as fuck.
01:55:31.000 Do you think people that sleep with guns underneath their pillows, if that's just fake, somebody said it once to impress a girl?
01:55:37.000 Oh no, I know a guy who does it.
01:55:38.000 Really?
01:55:38.000 Yeah.
01:55:39.000 Doesn't that seem like that's dumb?
01:55:41.000 Well, if you want it and you want it to have it right there, if you live in a place where you think you're going to need it right there.
01:55:46.000 Really?
01:55:47.000 Wow.
01:55:47.000 I mean, look, it doesn't seem like it's a good idea, but what if someone breaks in your house and you need the gun and you just go like that and you've got the gun?
01:55:54.000 And that keeps you alive.
01:55:56.000 You know, there's that way of looking at it.
01:55:58.000 You know, there's a way of looking at it like, hey man, if you think that way, man, fucking nothing can happen to you, man, as long as you think positive.
01:56:06.000 You can think that way.
01:56:07.000 You can be one of those dudes that goes through life convinced that nothing ever bad is going to happen to you.
01:56:13.000 You know, I mean, that is possible.
01:56:15.000 You might sneak through, but shit might get ugly.
01:56:19.000 And shit gets ugly.
01:56:21.000 You want one of these bitches?
01:56:23.000 This shit's important.
01:56:24.000 That's cool.
01:56:25.000 You gotta have guns, ladies and gentlemen.
01:56:26.000 Wow.
01:56:27.000 I believe in the Second Amendment.
01:56:29.000 That's really cool.
01:56:30.000 I believe...
01:56:31.000 Dude, we should go shooting sometime.
01:56:33.000 I haven't been shooting in so long.
01:56:34.000 Let's do it.
01:56:34.000 There's a place right out here.
01:56:35.000 Really?
01:56:36.000 Let's go.
01:56:36.000 Yeah.
01:56:36.000 There's a place a couple miles away.
01:56:37.000 Dude, I want to go shooting so bad.
01:56:38.000 Let's go.
01:56:39.000 Let's go on Monday.
01:56:41.000 Cool.
01:56:41.000 I think, yeah, definitely gun control is important.
01:56:46.000 You've got to definitely screen people.
01:56:48.000 You've got to definitely make sure that people can't get access to guns that are fucking crazy.
01:56:55.000 And that's the problem with a lot of gun shows.
01:56:57.000 There's a lot of people that sell guns at gun shows that don't give a fuck if you're licensed or not.
01:57:01.000 They're just trying to make some money.
01:57:02.000 There's been exposés on that where they've shown that people in gun shows will sell guns to people that are not really supposed to have guns.
01:57:09.000 But...
01:57:10.000 Guns are out there.
01:57:12.000 They're fucking out there.
01:57:13.000 There's millions of them.
01:57:14.000 You should have one.
01:57:15.000 If there's millions of guns out there, better to have it than to need it and not have it.
01:57:23.000 I'm an optimist.
01:57:25.000 I'm not a pessimist.
01:57:27.000 I believe that most human beings are good, but I've come across way too many fucked up people to have complete and total blind trust in the human race.
01:57:37.000 Yeah.
01:57:37.000 I just don't.
01:57:38.000 I've seen way too many fucked up, violent things happen.
01:57:42.000 I've seen way too many crazy people I've come in contact with and had to deal with.
01:57:46.000 Way too many fucking crazy people.
01:57:48.000 There's a lot of people out there that you can't reason with.
01:57:50.000 There's a lot of people out there that are just broken and nuts.
01:57:53.000 And that's real.
01:57:56.000 Oh, is that Santa's Bells?
01:57:59.000 Santa's Bells is leaving a message?
01:58:00.000 Santa's Bells?
01:58:01.000 Where?
01:58:01.000 No, no.
01:58:02.000 I meant, is that Santa's Bells?
01:58:03.000 Oh, you're saying we have to end this?
01:58:05.000 Alright, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to have to end this real soon.
01:58:09.000 What UFC super fight would I like to see?
01:58:11.000 Brock Lesnar vs.
01:58:13.000 Fedor.
01:58:13.000 That's what I would like to see.
01:58:15.000 That's what everybody should want to see.
01:58:16.000 That's a diaper.
01:58:19.000 This is my reality, ladies and gentlemen.
01:58:21.000 I've got diapers in my office.
01:58:23.000 My boss office with my Make Me Hard poster.
01:58:26.000 I've got a fucking...
01:58:27.000 What's Oakley split?
01:58:33.000 Don't...
01:58:35.000 I don't know.
01:58:36.000 We'll talk later.
01:58:36.000 Oh, that's those eyeglasses that are MP3 players.
01:58:40.000 Oh, right.
01:58:40.000 That's the kind that Dog the Bounty Hunter wears.
01:58:43.000 That's hilarious.
01:58:46.000 Alright, ladies and gentlemen, this has been very interesting.
01:58:49.000 We are up to 379 motherfuckers.
01:58:51.000 I want to thank you for tuning in.
01:58:54.000 We're going to do this much more often now that I have this set up.
01:58:57.000 I finally installed this webcam that I bought like five fucking years ago.
01:59:02.000 You gotta get your internet updated.
01:59:03.000 You get a new HD camera.
01:59:04.000 I'm gonna get my internet updated.
01:59:06.000 They have HD cameras now.
01:59:08.000 59 bucks at Amazon.
01:59:09.000 Look for them.
01:59:10.000 For this?
01:59:10.000 Yeah.
01:59:11.000 Well, no, you don't.
01:59:11.000 That's actually an old camera now.
01:59:13.000 That's not good?
01:59:13.000 No.
01:59:14.000 But it looks okay.
01:59:15.000 Yeah, it looks okay.
01:59:16.000 But see, it's not in HD. You can be broadcasting HD right now.
01:59:19.000 But isn't that like more bandwidth for people to download?
01:59:21.000 Yeah, but now when you have 20 megabytes, you know, crazy internet.
01:59:24.000 Oh, but it doesn't affect them.
01:59:25.000 It affects them downloading it.
01:59:27.000 It only affects us up-streaming?
01:59:29.000 Uploading, yeah.
01:59:29.000 Once I get the internet to do it, I'll make it HD so you can see how ugly I am.
01:59:35.000 Like, that nigger's ugly.
01:59:37.000 Alright, what else we got here?
01:59:40.000 When or the next time I'm going to be you streaming Johnny Bananas?
01:59:44.000 That's a very good question.
01:59:46.000 I think what I'm going to try to do is...
01:59:49.000 My ultimate goal in 2010...
01:59:52.000 I'm trying to write a book right now and I've been spending a lot of time writing that and writing stand-up comedy and not so much time updating my website.
01:59:59.000 But I do go on Twitter because Twitter's fun for me and it's like a little exercise in writing to make things short, make them 140 characters.
02:00:06.000 I think that's fun.
02:00:07.000 So it is.
02:00:09.000 It teaches you to like, you know.
02:00:11.000 Edit your shit.
02:00:12.000 Yeah, and with comedy that's very important.
02:00:14.000 Economy of words is what it's called.
02:00:16.000 And in stand-up comedy, it's very important.
02:00:18.000 The less words you can use to make a point, the funnier it's going to be when it hits people.
02:00:21.000 The more verbose it is, the more it's not funny when it gets there.
02:00:27.000 So I think Twitter's real good for that.
02:00:29.000 But my point is, in 2010, my main goal is more on the internet.
02:00:34.000 More shit like this, more Ustream shit, more Twitter, and definitely more blogs.
02:00:39.000 But I'm gonna start doing more video shit.
02:00:43.000 I got a cool flip thing from the UFC for Christmas, which is perfect.
02:00:48.000 I'm gonna bring that bitch with me everywhere.
02:00:49.000 I'm gonna start putting shit online on YouTube on a really regular basis.
02:00:54.000 And I know there's a little Ustream streaming thing for the iPhone.
02:00:58.000 We're gonna try that shit out, but it's probably gay.
02:01:00.000 Yeah.
02:01:01.000 If you're on Wi-Fi, it's not bad.
02:01:02.000 You actually see the chat on the screen, too.
02:01:04.000 Oh, really?
02:01:04.000 Yeah.
02:01:05.000 If you're on Wi-Fi, it's good.
02:01:06.000 It's good.
02:01:07.000 Yeah, I mean, I've tried on 3G. But if you're on Wi-Fi, that means I'm on a fucking computer.
02:01:10.000 You know, why fuck around?
02:01:10.000 Unless you're at Denny's.
02:01:12.000 You know?
02:01:13.000 Denny's has Wi-Fi?
02:01:13.000 Yeah.
02:01:14.000 Amazing.
02:01:14.000 Every place has Wi-Fi now.
02:01:15.000 Welcome to 2009, people.
02:01:17.000 Shit is getting crazy.
02:01:19.000 Well, listen, I gotta go.
02:01:21.000 I gotta go eat dinner with my family.
02:01:23.000 I don't wanna leave people hungry.
02:01:24.000 We gotta exchange presents and all that good shit.
02:01:27.000 I love you motherfuckers.
02:01:28.000 Thank you very much for tuning in.
02:01:30.000 And we are gonna do this again.
02:01:32.000 Don't know when, but within a week, right?
02:01:36.000 We'll commit.
02:01:36.000 We should do it once a week.
02:01:37.000 We'll commit.
02:01:38.000 We're gonna do this once a week.
02:01:39.000 Two hours, once a week.
02:01:39.000 Two hours, once a week.
02:01:40.000 I think that's a good idea.
02:01:41.000 I love you guys.
02:01:42.000 Thank you very much.
02:01:43.000 Bye-bye.
02:01:44.000 Two hours once a week.
02:01:45.000 A movie is two hours.
02:01:48.000 You do a movie once a week.
02:01:50.000 Yeah.
02:01:51.000 You know what's so funny?
02:01:52.000 I was thinking is how gay is this all going to look looking back at it in 50 years?
02:01:57.000 So do we save this?
02:01:58.000 Do we save this recording?
02:02:00.000 No, I think it saves it to your page so people can go to your page.
02:02:03.000 Hit stop and see what it says.
02:02:05.000 I did.
02:02:05.000 You stopped it.
02:02:06.000 Oh.
02:02:07.000 See?
02:02:07.000 This is stopped.
02:02:09.000 Wait.
02:02:09.000 No, you said stop.
02:02:10.000 Stop broadcast.
02:02:11.000 Hit stop.