The godfather of the podcast is here. The man who started it all, the man who, without him, I probably might not be so enthusiastic about doing this thing. Adam Crowley joins me in The Joe Rogan Experience studio and we talk about gas stations and how they treat their employees and what they do to keep them safe and secure in the workplace. We also talk about how much money you should pay for gas and how much you should be prepared to pay for your own gas. And of course, we answer your burning questions. This episode is brought to you by The Fleshlight. If you go to joerogan.net and click on the link for the Fleshlight, enter in the code "ROGAN" and you get 15% off the number 1 male sex toy. Buckle up, bitches, here we go! Here we go. The Joes and the Joes Experience is a podcast about the life and times of Joes Rogan. Joes is a comedy podcast hosted by a black guy who does stand-up comedy. Joes is a standup comedian and radio host from the Bay Area. Adam Crowley is one of the best standup comedians I've ever met and he's one of my good friends. He's funny, smart, funny, and down to earth, and he does it all in the best way you could ask for. I hope you enjoy this episode. Enjoy, Joes! -Joe Rogan -The Joes' Experience Podcast is a great podcast. -Joes -Adam Crowley - Joes has a great story about gas station and gas station - Adam Crowley Joe Rogans - and his gas station story of the future of gas stations - and how to pump your gas -and how to be safe and stay safe in your own neighborhood - is that a good one? And much more! (Joes and I talk about it all! Thank you, Adam Crowley, I really hope you like it! Jos and I hope it's not too much Joes & I love you Joes, I love ya Joes. . -Rogan Experience (and I hope that you enjoy it. XOXO -Josie and I will be back, Josie JOGAN - Thank you for listening to this episode
00:00:04.000The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight.
00:00:07.000If you go to joerogan.net and click on the link for The Fleshlight, enter in the code name ROGAN, you get 15% off the number one male sex toy.
00:03:36.000You know, you can decide where to live.
00:03:38.000A lot of people base that on, like, well, how are the school systems?
00:03:42.000Or, you know, what's going on with the economy or the roads or something?
00:03:46.000But I'd say you can base your neighborhood on the gas station because there's sort of three levels.
00:03:53.000There are the ones like the ones in my neighborhood where you swipe your credit card and then you have to punch in your zip code because of credit card fraud.
00:04:04.000Then there's the slightly nicer neighborhood where you just swipe your credit card but you don't have to punch in your zip code.
00:04:11.000And then there's the greatest neighborhoods of all where you just pump your gas and when you're done, you pay somebody.
00:04:20.000I mean, when you travel and you get outside of L.A. and you realize, oh, there's just some guy who's going to let you pump your gas and then you can pay him.
00:04:28.000Not everyone's fucking Bonnie and Clyde.
00:04:31.000All of us are going to jump off sliding across our hoods laughing and peeling out.
00:04:36.000That means you're in a good goddamn neighborhood if they trust you.
00:05:21.000I wonder if there's going to be some sort of syndrome that doctors are going to run into and chiropractors are going to run into called block ATM back.
00:05:33.000Where, like, in the next hundred years, our kids are going to have weird scoliated spines from doing that weird shoulder hunch, punching it.
00:05:41.000It's really, you get it from, it's sort of what carpal tunnel is, the guys who work keyboard jobs all day.
00:05:46.000This is a weird back hunch to all the people that go to the ATM three times a week and dial in their zip code when they're at the gas station, do the cell phone thing where they're, like, texting.
00:05:57.000It's going to be a weird, because it is just weird.
00:06:07.000We may be getting taller as a species, but we're evening it out by hunching over all the time and rolling our shoulders and protecting whatever serial codes we're punching in.
00:06:19.000It's weird to me that we still sign things.
00:06:21.000That freaks me out when I scribble something on a piece of paper that makes it valid.
00:08:13.000Number two, all right, so that's their job.
00:08:16.000Like, they get up at five, they drive down to JFK, they pay 20 bucks for parking, and they wait for Adam Carolla to come walking up terminal, whatever.
00:09:25.000One of the most uncomfortable moments in my life was me sitting next to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
00:09:33.000Actually, I had two wildly uncomfortable moments that involved Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
00:09:38.000One is, he just sat down on my radio show and I was like, you know...
00:09:43.000You never see any guys in their 70s that are, you know, over 6'7 or 6'8.
00:09:50.000And I mean, you know, I'm not trying to bring you down, literally, but is there some syndrome or have you talked to somebody or how does it work?
00:09:59.000Because you just don't see seven-footers that are 80 years old, but yet you seem like you're in perfect health and I don't know how it works.
00:10:05.000And is there something that I'm not aware of?
00:10:07.000And he's like, what are you talking about?
00:10:09.000And I was like, you know how you don't see a lot of old guys are like over six, five.
00:10:15.000They seem to go a little earlier in life.
00:10:17.000As a matter of fact, the little short Jewish guys and ones that go on forever.
00:10:20.000Is there some connection, correlation between the height and the short longevity?
00:10:26.000And he was like, I never thought about it.
00:11:24.000And I'm like, just fucking sign it, just sign it.
00:11:26.000And then he walks away, and then his mom shows up like 10 minutes later, and she's like, I'm so sorry to disturb you, Mr. Abdul-Jabbar, but the ball for my son, he's such a huge fan.
00:11:41.000Do you think you could just take a moment?
00:14:17.000Now I'm going to be selling, my next album's going to be the best of Yusef Islam.
00:14:23.000His agent must have just been like, are you fucking kidding me?
00:14:26.000I was fascinated by his whole situation, his transformation, up until I read the fact that he actually supported the fatwa, as it were, or whatever, against the guy who wrote, what the fuck is his name?
00:14:37.000The guy who wrote the book when they went after him?
00:15:05.000Yeah, there's the Cat Stevens version, and then there's the teabagger version, and it's always like, they explain their general, look, it's about peace, it's about pilgrimage, spirituality, or whatever, and you go like, okay, I'm down, I'm down, I'm down, and then they always do something, and you go, alright, now I get it, you're an asshole.
00:15:35.000You're a grown man and you become a Mormon?
00:15:38.000It's one thing if you're like born a Mormon, raised a Mormon.
00:15:41.000I had a joke that I was doing in my act where the reason why Mormons are so anti-gay marriage is because they're afraid of gay people, rightly so, because if someone could talk you into being a Mormon...
00:15:50.000They can probably talk you into sucking their dick.
00:15:53.000It's a matter of how much alone time they spend with you.
00:15:58.000It is weird when people discover stuff at, you know, age 37. I feel like my brain, like the cement in the sidewalk of my brain was dry to almost any other ideas at that point.
00:16:10.000Well, you could break that cement open with some mushrooms.
00:16:44.000So someone says, well, how do you know that some guy's not going to spend $10,000 on a car, put like a souped up engine in it and all that?
00:16:53.000How can you confirm that everyone here hasn't spent more than $500 on their entry?
00:17:56.000So I said, they should do it the same way they do the 24 Hours of Lemons.
00:17:59.000It's that they line up all the guys for the gay games and one guy just walks in front of them and stops in front of one dude and goes, suck my cock.
00:19:03.000I was deprived early on of all things mechanical and I had a wrenching gene.
00:19:12.000The wrenching gene, the wrencher gene, the mechanical gene, it's no different than the musical one.
00:19:20.000You know, you always, whenever they say, they talk about a drummer, like, oh, Tommy Lee was banging on pots and pans in the kitchen when he was three, so eventually broke down and got him a drum kit, and he's never left it since, you know?
00:19:36.000And some people have a musical gene and some people have it for math and some people have it for conversation or socializing or whatever, science, whatever.
00:19:43.000There is a mechanical gene and if you have it, unless somebody gets you that equivalent of a drum kit, you'll just fucking go nuts.
00:19:51.000And I always lived in the valley and had shitty parents with no money and lived in crappy apartments.
00:21:12.000I could tell it was good because all the hardcore blogger guys who are really deep into this world, the Top Gear world, they're international and they're just a bunch of car tech nerd guys who love to get on the computer and talk shit about nothing.
00:21:28.000They love to say not as good as the one in the UK, but they all showed up at the taping.
00:22:16.000Then I got another sitcom development deal with NBC, and right at the time that happened, it got picked up by the History Channel or Discovery, whatever it's on.
00:23:12.000One of the beautiful things about the podcast is there's no one.
00:23:15.000I mean, for you, you have a few people that you've hired that figure out your audio stuff and your video stuff, but there's no one to tell you anything.
00:23:33.000And as I've always said, what piece of art, whether it was a painting or a symphony, got better because 14 people tried to clusterfuck it, you know?
00:23:43.000And by the way, whether you're talking about NBC or CBS, five post-menopausal broads who never made a human being laugh in their life get involved creatively.
00:24:38.000But my mom doesn't tell me what set to do before I go out on stage.
00:24:43.000And so, not being funny and Being heavily immersed in comedy and funny and explaining to people how to be funny and what is funny is not going to create a better product.
00:24:53.000And my fantasy, and a lot of them are women, a lot of them are dudes who don't talk and even have a little bit of a sour, dour look to themselves.
00:25:02.000When they go back to their high school reunion...
00:25:06.000In like Michigan or wherever they're from.
00:25:09.000And they say to their buddies who they haven't seen in 30 years, where are you up to?
00:26:06.000He's going to be able to do Bill Cosby bits and Bob Hope bits and everybody's bit just verbatim, just back to you, like a savant, instead of looking at you and going, I never heard of Mr. Show.
00:27:39.000When I did Top Gear, and he came up as the nicest guy in the world, and I was just improvising up a storm, and he came right up to me and he said, I could not do what you do.
00:28:19.000It doesn't seem off the cuff at all to me.
00:28:21.000Well, it's because when he's driving and he's having this visceral experience and he starts sliding in a corner and he yells, you know, this thing's smoother than the Queen Mother's rear end.
00:28:34.000It feels like he's having this experience, you know.
00:28:41.000And I'm sure it's all canned, but you know there's no teleprompter and it feels like this, again, this experience that's transcending just the voice.
00:28:49.000You can tell that that guy really fucking loves cars.
00:28:52.000When he reviewed the Corvette ZR1, and he's sliding sideways down this road, and he's screaming, Well done, fat man from Kentucky!
00:29:13.000You can tell that guy's really loving that.
00:29:15.000He was driving one of those that I think was a Callaway or something, you know, had the turbo on it, probably had 900 horsepower.
00:29:22.000When I met him down at, like, El Toro, he just was burning out.
00:29:28.000I mean, yeah, I mean, not on camera or anything, just...
00:29:31.000I was yelling at Steve Coogan, who's an English comedian who criticized...
00:29:36.000Jeremy Clarkson said something about Mexico, said that the reason why Mexico doesn't have good people in the Olympics is because all of their people who can run, swim, or jump have already gotten over the fence.
00:30:04.000Comedians making jokes, is that, you know, in terms of society, in terms of fixing the ills of society and looking for someone to point a finger at and create some sort of social change, comedians telling jokes.
00:30:18.000Why is it at the top of everyone's list?
00:30:20.000I mean, a newscaster, you know, politician, clergyman, there's a chief of police.
00:30:29.000When those guys make an off-color remark, then maybe you should say something about it.
00:30:34.000But when a comedian says something, don't you already know inherently by his title?
00:30:41.000I was having this exact conversation last night with Daniel Tosh about comedians going after comedians, because, you know, Coogan going after Jeremy Clarkson, and we were talking about David Cross going after Larry the Cable Guy, which is one of the most confusing things.
00:30:56.000I like David Cross, and I like Larry the Cable Guy.
00:35:39.000But then you look at, like, Christy Brinkley's still hot as fuck.
00:35:43.000Somehow or another, she's keeping it together, and she's like 53. I have this fun imaginary game I like to play when I get stoned, which is sort of the X. It's a cross, okay?
00:38:44.000I'd work out some sort of bracket list, you know what I mean?
00:38:46.000Where just really you could find all the chicks you wanted to fuck when you were in the 8th grade and see when you crossed them.
00:38:53.000There's nothing stranger than watching a woman go from being beautiful and having ultimate power.
00:39:01.000A really super hot chick, a super hot 21-year-old chick, it's almost voodoo.
00:39:07.000Their body and the way they move and the way they smell and if they like you and if they're smart, too, and if you're not sure if you can get them.
00:39:38.000And you start thinking you really are the shit.
00:39:40.000That is an awesome thought, Mr. Rhodes.
00:39:42.000But girls, from the moment they're little, from the moment they're little, you're so cute, you're so beautiful, and then they're in high school, then it becomes currency.
00:39:50.000It becomes the thing that defines them.
00:39:57.000It goes away weird, where they start looking like that rough bar girl, you know, like still hot, but in her 30s, but, you know, you can see her at a cigarette and Maybe I get a couple of shots of jacking you and let's just go fuck in the woods.
00:40:41.000Well, also, you guys are going through, historically, a bad phase because your mother didn't have to worry about plastic surgery because it didn't really exist.
00:40:52.000And your daughter won't really have to worry about it because they'll have perfected it.
00:40:58.000Even worse, they'll have genetic engineering.
00:41:00.000Yeah, you're in the experimental phase and it ain't working out.
00:41:03.000It's sort of like CGI. It's a bad generation because our folks were watching movies that every stunt was an actual stunt just done by a dude who didn't give a shit.
00:41:15.000And our kids enjoy CGI that works so effectively you can't tell.
00:41:20.000We went through a whole phase where we had to watch...
00:41:23.000Shitty movies with really bad effects.
00:41:30.000Well, now we're in the theater of plastic surgery and all you women, it's essentially, it's the 50 year experimental phase while they're working on it and you're looking like shit.
00:41:41.000Yeah, you know, I have to compliment you, because Brian Callum said this about you, and it's absolutely the truth.
00:41:46.000You are the best at taking one scenario, whatever it is, and just going on this fucking rant.
00:42:46.000I don't know how you generate material or if any of this stuff you've already talked about on stage, but seriously, go back and listen to this podcast with a fucking notebook.
00:42:54.000And there's like three good bits in there.
00:43:38.000And it's awesome, and it has this terrible reputation, this wrong, incorrect reputation because of fucking Nancy Reagan and Just Say No and Nixon and all that nonsense and propaganda that they force-fed you.
00:43:50.000It is a plant that is here, and it has benefits.
00:44:31.000And then the other thing that drives me insane about our legal system...
00:44:36.000When they pulled those guys over who went on to rob the North Hollywood Bank over there on Laurel Canyon, those crazy motherfuckers who were like...
00:44:46.000And by the way, they were beaked out of their mind on uppers and that's why...
00:44:53.000They pulled those dudes over in like Eagle Rock and they popped the trunk of their car and they found ski masks, police scanners, body armor, maps, automatic weapons that were modified maps, automatic weapons that were modified illegally.
00:45:13.000I mean, semi-automatic weapons that were modified to go full automatic with armor piercing rounds and extended banana clips and stuff.
00:45:21.000They found everything in the trunk of their car that basically said, oh, these guys are on their way to rob a bank.
00:45:27.000When they arrested them, they could not get them for attempted bank robbery because the law says, hey, man, we got to catch you robbing a bank.
00:45:39.000Just because you're driving around with police scanners and armor-piercing bullets and ski masks doesn't mean you're going to rob a bank.
00:45:46.000We know practically it means you're going to rob a bank.
00:45:49.000But the way our law system works is you have to rob a bank and then we will...
00:45:55.000We'll prosecute you for robbing a bank.
00:45:57.000And we all agree, alright, that's how it works.
00:45:59.000And these guys got locked up for a little something something.
00:46:01.000And when they got out, they gave them back a lot of their police scanners and a lot of their shit that was their property.
00:46:15.000prosecute them for robbing a bank before they rob the bank.
00:46:19.000And how come when you get busted for more than a shoebox full of marijuana or even a coffee can full of marijuana, you get intent to distribute?
00:46:29.000They don't have to catch you distributing.
00:46:31.000Maybe I just like to stock up on weed.
00:46:35.000That's an insane part of the law to me because every other thing works is we need a body for murder and we need a witness for attempted murder.
00:46:44.000This is the only thing where they go, you were going to do with this pot even though they never caught you doing anything with it.
00:46:52.000And again, maybe you like to shop like you shop at Smart and Final or Costco where you just want a 55-gallon drum of garbanzo beans and that's your fucking business.
00:47:00.000That's how I used to do it before the weed stores came around.
00:47:03.000I used to buy in bulk because I didn't want to deal with these guys.
00:47:06.000There was a dude named Jake the Snake that was Eddie Bravo's friend that we used to have to fucking deal with and we used to buy weed from him.
00:47:51.000As far as the state's concerned, it depends on each county has a different law, but you can have a certain amount of plants and a certain amount of pot.
00:47:58.000You can have up to like a half a pound of pot and up to X amount of plants as long as you have a medical recommendation.
00:48:03.000Or if you have a waiver, you can get even more plants, which I do.
00:49:14.000But, you know, there comes a point in the show where, you know, people get bit and they're all sitting around trying to figure what are we going to do.
00:49:21.000And some people want to kill the guy and some people don't.
00:49:23.000But, you know, a meth head is just like a zombie.
00:50:45.000And the guy panics and shuts up, and it became this crazy fucking situation where he even is pretty sure he knows who the cops are, but can't say anything because he doesn't want the cops coming after him.
00:51:19.000I had a New Year's Eve party where the cops showed up at 9.45 on a Saturday night on New Year's Eve, which meant the guy called them at 9. Or, you know, it takes cops a good hour to fucking roll on one of those calls.
00:52:07.000I walked in, looked around, and just went, oh, this is bullshit.
00:52:10.000And I realized this one person who was sitting home alone wanted the 150 people to all go home because he wanted to fucking finish watching his Hannity and Combs or whatever the fuck was on at 10 o'clock.
00:53:05.000That's the worst thing about LA. And I'll tell you what, being on your podcast the other day completely reignited my escape from LA scenario.
00:53:14.000And I've been talking to Mrs. Rogan about it, and we fucking started looking at houses in Boulder again.
00:53:19.000We started talking to real estate guys about the move, I think, is we're going to probably look to get a summer place and then eventually try to move into the summer place and get the fuck out of here.
00:53:30.000But the problem is the number, the number of people.
00:53:33.000When you've got so many people and they're stacked on top of each other and, you know, there's one guy next door and his fucking dog is barking.
00:53:40.000I was over at a friend's house the other day and right next door to her house, her dogs are, these dogs are barking like fucking crazy.
00:53:46.000And then behind her, there's some other dogs and they hear these dogs barking.
00:53:48.000So they come and triangulate the barking.
00:53:51.000And there's barking from here and barking from there and everybody's jammed on top of each other and your fucking TV's too loud and your song's loud and everybody's laughing by the pool.
00:57:00.000You know, it would be sweet retribution as if it was, let's say it was a hot, hot August night and you're staying at a bad motor lodge and the air conditioning's on the fritz and you're in the south.
00:57:16.000You're in the deep south and you blow your load and you go to do your Spider-Man fling with it and it hits the ceiling fan.
00:59:05.000And I was like, I don't want to say these names, but I was talking to this one guy, and he goes, I was asking, have you ever met this other porn star?
00:59:12.000And he goes, yeah, but you know, something's weird about him.
01:03:58.000Yeah, because your nicotine receptors in your head stay awake to suck in the nicotine, so your brain's a little bit more awake than normal when you're dreaming.
01:04:07.000That's why it says on the box, don't take it, but fuck, it's awesome.
01:04:09.000It says don't take it at night because of that.
01:05:39.000The real problem comes with smoking it, and the real problem comes with the 599, these government cunts that have allowed these people to put 599 fucking different additives inside cigarettes, most of them designed just to make it more addictive.
01:05:54.000If you look at that movie Inside Job, that Russell Crowe movie, which is based on a true story.
01:06:35.000You're sitting there with a full beard, like a full gray beard, and some sort of bizarre marijuana suppository, like all day slow drip thing that just keeps you in a constant buzz, and you're going off about President Bieber.
01:06:53.000And you're just up there on your pulpit with a crazy beard.
01:06:56.000You're wearing like three sets of glasses.
01:06:58.000Like you have the bifocals hanging down.
01:07:00.000You have the sunglasses up on your head.
01:08:40.000And, you know, I've been willing to walk away from, you know, many endeavors just because I figured, well, there's a new adventure around the corner.
01:08:48.000I don't look forward to it, but I don't fear it either.
01:08:51.000It's just there, as it was for millions of other people, and it is for millions today.
01:08:57.000Well, like I said, you were the first guy to jump into this whole podcast thing, and you went right at it right away.
01:10:21.000The point is, well, what happened is they said to me, in a sort of weird mindfuck, they said, hey, listen, we're going to fold the station out.
01:10:34.000Now, for those who, you know, don't know, I replaced Howard Stern on the West Coast.
01:10:41.000A guy named Rover did it in the Midwest, and then David Lee Roth did it in New York.
01:11:29.000They just figured out, look, why are we paying all these guys millions of dollars to talk when we can just play the aforementioned Lady Gaga and just make the same revenue?
01:12:11.000So they were going to flip it, but they said to me, two months before they were going to blow up the whole station, they said, we're going to send you to New York.
01:12:22.000You're going to the number one market, and we want you to take over in New York.
01:13:09.000So it was this horrible two months for me where it'd be like January, and my producer would come up to me and go, oh, the Wynn Hotel wants us to come back for March Madness and do a special live show at the casino.
01:13:36.000It was like, I knew everything was coming to an end and we were talking about shit to do over the summer and stuff like that.
01:13:42.000And so it was really weird having these conversations.
01:13:45.000It's like knowing you're going to get divorced and your wife's making vacation plans for the end of the summer and you're going to serve her papers in two weeks.
01:14:29.000I'm not doing live shows at that stage of my career.
01:14:33.000I got nothing going on in a pretty big monthly nut.
01:14:36.000And not as big as the one you toss at the wall for the folks who come into the Motel 6 to enjoy shortly after you vacate your room, you sick fuck.
01:14:44.000But it's still a pretty good sized nut.
01:15:31.000And so it got down to me spending like a hundred grand out of my own pocket just to do it pro bono with the notion that one day it might turn into a business.
01:15:41.000And that's really the process we're in right now.
01:15:45.000So how did you go about, I mean, you have like this giant staff, this huge, you have a big room and all these employees working and people working video switches.
01:15:56.000And how did you go about finding all these people and putting everything together?
01:16:00.000Most of the people would hear the podcast and just go like, hey man, I'm digging what you're doing, and I'm a whatever student, and I work for seven bucks an hour, and could I come down there?
01:16:11.000They just want to be a part of something, just in a sort of organic kind of way.
01:17:31.000And then you start demoing and digging stuff up and, you know, digging footings and grade beams and blah, blah, blah, and putting in rebar and waiting for concrete and all that.
01:18:03.000It doesn't keep the cold out or the heat in or anything.
01:18:05.000But you can start to imagine about what it might be like to put down that hardwood flooring and to see all the cool top-notch Viking stoves and sub-zeros going into the kitchen and all that.
01:18:18.000Well, that's the part you look forward to.
01:18:20.000But if you're Closing your eyes and picturing your new Viking stove arriving, when you're forming your slab, you're going to fuck up your slab.
01:19:03.000Literally, we're just sitting right in front of one of these and we had fucking snowflakes coming down on the Ustream broadcast and we fucked around with music and all kinds of different things.
01:19:11.000And then eventually we figured out how to do it the way we're doing it now.
01:19:16.000But for us, it's been the best tool ever for getting people to come into the clubs.
01:19:21.000And that's one of the things that you've done to sort of monetize it.
01:19:24.000You've started doing live podcasts and then live stand-up.
01:19:27.000And I remember when we did the improv together, the Irvine Improv, was one of the first times, I think, or the first time you had ever done stand-up in like fucking 10-plus years.
01:20:22.000Yeah, because that's an environment And you get the energy of the environment, but right now there's somebody with earbuds in each ear and they're either walking their dog or they're walking on a treadmill or they're walking their dog on a treadmill, which would be fun.
01:20:39.000And what we're saying is penetrating deep.
01:20:41.000And that's more of a party where you're just kind of getting caught up into it.
01:20:49.000And I'm really interested in just sort of taking my ideas and inserting them into you more than I am sort of entertaining you, so to speak.
01:21:15.000But it doesn't mean I don't dig it, and it doesn't mean especially, you know, because I've had this problem in the past where I said, look...
01:21:25.000I'm going out to Kansas City, Milwaukee, and one more place.
01:22:37.000What you do on the podcast, I mean, you can't say it comes easy to you.
01:22:41.000I mean, you can, but I mean, the reason why it comes easy to you is because you're doing, it's like someone who does all this power lifting and plyometrics and throws medicine balls around, and then someone teaches you how to choke somebody, and I'm like, wow, jujitsu came pretty easy to me.
01:22:59.000Well, that's because you're a fucking crazy physical specimen, you fuck.
01:23:02.000And like with you, what you're doing is you're constantly ranting and constantly piecing together ideas and constantly pointing out things that don't...
01:23:34.000I've actually been enjoying it in this weird sort of...
01:23:40.000Curious case of Benjamin Buttons where I've been going backwards.
01:23:46.000I started off on TV and I'm discovering my stand-up in my 40s, which is insane because everyone else starts off in stand-up and gets away from it.
01:23:56.000And you've only been doing stand-up for about a year now, right?
01:24:27.000I guess it'd be like a jam band that had a bunch of songs and changed the set list up on a nightly basis, and maybe they'd never get that good on one song, but yet they could freeform if they had to, and they would never get boring for them because they're constantly mixing the set up.
01:25:00.000If I get on stage, and for whatever reason, this thought pops in my head, I'll run with that, and then eventually get to the planned opening.
01:25:06.000And then once I get the first bit out of the way, it's more important to me to get that one solid chunk, just get that out tight and smack.
01:25:15.000And then once that's out and everyone's laughing, then we're going to go wherever.
01:25:20.000Then the ball's moving, the momentum's going, let's go wherever the fuck we want to go.
01:25:25.000It's like that first 20 minutes, you just want to be solid, you want to get everyone on your side, and just get that first 20, for me it's like 20-25 minutes, and then it's like, alright, we've established this.
01:25:37.000Now we have some room for lateral movement.
01:25:41.000I'm really big on that with opening acts, too.
01:25:45.000I always tell them when guys open up for me, I say the best thing you can do out there is don't fuck around in the beginning.
01:25:52.000Don't try a new bit out when you first get on stage.
01:25:57.000A lot of guys that are on the road, like I take guys on the road with me, They're used to doing sets in Hollywood, and they're used to going up and doing 10-15 minute sets when there's a host and a bunch of other people on the show.
01:26:07.000I'm like, this is a different experience, man.
01:26:08.000These are people who don't know who you are, who are coming to see me.
01:26:11.000So they're willing to let you be funny, but you've got to go out there and go tight right away.
01:27:14.000It's one of the reasons why I've always thought that this podcast, in and of itself, could be a television show.
01:27:19.000I was trying to pitch a show based around the podcast, but the show that I was pitching, it was like really produced, and there was all these little segments that we would do every week.
01:27:29.000And then I thought about it, and I'm like, "I don't like that." I'm like, "I like the idea of a podcast "because I like the idea of people sitting around "and talking about interesting shit, "and it's fun and amusing to watch." And it was proof positive to me watching that talking funny thing, 'cause it was just four comics sitting around talking about stand-up, and it was fucking great, man.
01:29:41.000I find it, as a comic, I find it so inspiring because he throws away his whole act every year.
01:29:46.000He writes a whole act, he writes a full hour, hour and whatever minutes, films it for whatever, Showtime or HBO, who the fuck wants to buy it, and then he throws it out and starts from scratch.
01:29:56.000And because of that, because everybody knows that he does that, he's got this massively loyal following.
01:30:02.000People can't wait to come and see him because they know, hey, we saw Louie last year.
01:30:05.000You think he's going to be doing the same material?
01:31:04.000I have such a gearhead brain that the second I'm done doing any comedy, my mind shifts to vintage race cars, and I never think about comedy.
01:31:32.000Like, I mean, I was just watching SNL a couple of weeks ago, and Zach Galifianakis got up there, and he said something that I'd said on Stern's show and on my radio show, you know, ten years ago.
01:31:44.000And it was almost the exact joke that I... I don't think he ripped me off.
01:32:24.000Well, like, you know, that thing where you go, look, you want to host SNL. I've never hosted SNL, but you want to host SNL, and you say to a comedian, and instead of collecting a bunch of jokes from guys who don't really know your voice, you just go, fuck it, I'll do my, I'll do a real familiar five minutes of my act at the top.
01:32:41.000I know it, I'm confident with it, and then we'll get into the rest of the show.
01:33:31.000It's continuing in that activity in the face of adversity.
01:33:39.000And it's like essentially, if your wife says, I'm going to leave you, if you keep up with fill in the blank, you know, if your boss says he's going to fire you, if you keep up with the...
01:33:50.000Booze drinking or the pill popping or the jizz tossing or whatever you're doing.
01:35:07.000And then, you know, you get to see pros play.
01:35:09.000And I just became obsessed with these balls moving around on this cloth and the fact that you have to figure out exactly how hard to hit the ball to make it collide with this other ball.
01:36:16.000I was just fucking practicing running out.
01:36:18.000I was just going over patterns in my head and watching Accustat's tapes of classic Johnny Archer versus Earl Strickland matches from the early 90s.
01:36:29.000Plus, it was affecting his comedy because I caught him back in the day and he'd be like, Alright, so anyway, this dude's playing a Brunswick with a pretty fast felt.
01:36:59.000Well, you know what we're going to do?
01:37:01.000We're going to pause it and Brian and I will come out.
01:37:03.000We'll close it out because we're going to do another half an hour because we usually do about two hours.
01:37:06.000But thank you very much for doing the podcast, man.
01:37:09.000Like I said, if it wasn't for you and doing your podcast, I probably never would have started this thing in the first place.
01:37:15.000You're one of my favorite dudes to talk to.
01:37:16.000You're one of my favorite guys to go on your show because you've always got a unique and interesting perspective that I might not have ever considered.