The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #103 - Duncan Trussell

00:00:00.000 To go.

00:00:03.000 The JoeRogan.net podcast.

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00:00:25.000 How about that, Duncan Trussell?

00:00:27.000 I am not joking.

00:00:28.000 Wow.

00:00:29.000 What was that said? 1.00

00:00:31.000 Buckle up, bitches. 1.00

00:00:32.000 Here we go. 1.00

00:00:37.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:39.000 Ladies and gentlemen, in this amazing moment in human history where not only was a prince wed, but a couple days in this amazing moment in human history where not only was a prince wed, but a We are in the middle of an awesome movie.

00:01:06.000 That's what's going on.

00:01:07.000 We have a black president.

00:01:10.000 Princes are getting married in front of billions of people.

00:01:14.000 Everyone is happy for them. 0.95

00:01:17.000 And we killed the bad guy who was living in squalor in Pakistan. 1.00

00:01:22.000 I'll tell you what, I thought a million bucks would buy you a little bit more in Pakistan. 0.55

00:01:25.000 I thought for a million bucks you could own Pakistan. 1.00

00:01:28.000 I didn't know you would get that shithole house.

00:01:30.000 You're like, this is Osama bin Laden's million dollar compound in Afghanistan. 1.00

00:01:34.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:01:35.000 Is it just like the most fertile heroin ground in the world? 1.00

00:01:38.000 I mean, what the fuck is it? 0.99

00:01:39.000 Why is that house worth a million bucks? 0.99

00:01:41.000 I think it was built exactly to hide him, so I think it was probably a large underground bunker type situation.

00:01:47.000 Or it had a lot of security and a lot of firewalls and stuff like that.

00:01:52.000 Maybe?

00:01:52.000 I don't know.

00:01:53.000 I was thinking that they were going to find him in fucking Woodland Hills or something like that. 0.97

00:01:56.000 That's what I thought. 0.97

00:01:57.000 I was pretty surprised that they found him in Pakistan.

00:02:00.000 Yeah, I was too.

00:02:01.000 It seems like he would have been...

00:02:02.000 Well, the thing about that dude, I think, is he's got to be around his kind. 0.98

00:02:05.000 You know, he's got to be around militants only.

00:02:08.000 Right.

00:02:09.000 You can't...

00:02:09.000 No moderate people are going to be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:02:13.000 That's Osama bin Laden, okay? 0.83

00:02:16.000 We're not talking about Muhammad here.

00:02:18.000 We're not talking about the guy that wrote the Quran.

00:02:21.000 We're talking about this guy who's probably the head of a gigantic terrorist organization and used to work for the CIA. Bin Laden did?

00:02:30.000 Yeah.

00:02:30.000 Bin Laden was working for the CIA. You didn't know that?

00:02:32.000 No, I didn't know that.

00:02:34.000 Who says that?

00:02:35.000 I didn't know that.

00:02:35.000 Everybody?

00:02:36.000 Yeah.

00:02:36.000 Oh, wait.

00:02:37.000 No, I think he had some kind of agreement.

00:02:39.000 He was in the mail room.

00:02:40.000 He had an agreement with what president was the original Bush or something like that.

00:02:45.000 I do remember that.

00:02:46.000 Barely remember.

00:02:47.000 Some kind of training.

00:02:49.000 He was set up for some kind of training.

00:02:51.000 Well, there's all sorts of allegations. 0.93

00:02:52.000 The bottom line is that the United States, the CIA, the whatever the fuck you want to call them, whatever we're under... 0.93

00:03:00.000 What they did was they got all these people in Afghanistan to fight against the Soviet Union. 0.86

00:03:07.000 And they helped them.

00:03:09.000 They helped the Mujahideen.

00:03:10.000 They helped train them.

00:03:11.000 They helped arm them.

00:03:12.000 And Osama bin Laden was a part of that. 0.56

00:03:15.000 And when the Soviet Union got out of Afghanistan, And, you know, whatever happened overseas that shifted, you know, the Taliban and Al-Qaeda's interest in, you know, taking out the United States instead of taking out Russia, instead of defending themselves. 0.53

00:03:30.000 When shit got weird with Afghanistan, that's when Homeboy came into the picture. 1.00

00:03:34.000 And then he basically took over over there. 0.99

00:03:38.000 Supposedly. 0.99

00:03:39.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.99

00:03:40.000 You know, when you start talking about what the CIA did and, you know, what they're doing, the Contras and the Sandinistas, are you sure? 1.00

00:03:46.000 Because, you know, they've been lying about everything for so long. 0.98

00:03:50.000 Who the fuck knows if Osama bin Laden really... 0.99

00:03:53.000 Alex Jones thinks he's been dead for nine years. 0.99

00:03:56.000 They froze him nine years ago, froze him, and they're pulling him out right strategically in line for when the new elections are setting up.

00:04:04.000 See, what they did was they threw out this bogus birth certificate.

00:04:09.000 Have you seen the bogus birth certificate?

00:04:11.000 Oh, you mean the PDF? It's fake, man.

00:04:14.000 Oh, yeah, totally fake.

00:04:16.000 What people need to know, I asked a thread about this last night, and the general consensus among people who understand Photoshop I put up a thread on the message board asking, Photoshop wizards, please check this thing out and tell me what's up.

00:04:29.000 And there's a bunch of videos.

00:04:31.000 What people don't know is a lot of people are claiming Osama bin, or not Osama bin. 0.87

00:04:35.000 Isn't it weird that the president's name is right next to this evil, evil terrorist? 0.89

00:04:40.000 Yeah. 0.74

00:04:40.000 You would think he would change his name. 0.74

00:04:42.000 Yeah.

00:04:42.000 I mean, Kevin James changed his name.

00:04:44.000 His name was Nipfing.

00:04:46.000 Nipfing? 0.86

00:04:47.000 Nipfing, like with a K. Nothing wrong with that. 1.00

00:04:50.000 Just a complicated name to spell.

00:04:51.000 He didn't want to go the Arnold Schwarzenegger take a chance route.

00:04:54.000 Right.

00:04:54.000 So, like, Jeff Ross.

00:04:56.000 Wasn't Jeff Ross like Jeff Lipschultz or something like that?

00:04:59.000 Brian Redband.

00:05:00.000 That Redband dude. 0.99

00:05:01.000 Yeah, there you go.

00:05:01.000 That Redband guy.

00:05:02.000 He was like some Nazi name or something like that.

00:05:05.000 Well, maybe it would draw more attention to the fact, like if Obama had changed his name before running for president to Luther or Will. 0.98

00:05:13.000 For poor white people, he is such a nightmare because his nickname, his middle name is Hussein. 1.00

00:05:17.000 It's like he couldn't be more fucked up, his name. 1.00

00:05:20.000 His name couldn't be more threatening. 1.00

00:05:22.000 That is weird. 1.00

00:05:23.000 For dumb white people, that must be so terrorizing. 1.00

00:05:25.000 You know, just fuck, fuck, fuck. 1.00

00:05:28.000 Anyway, for people who don't know, supposedly he faked his birth certificate. 1.00

00:05:32.000 And what they did was people took the image that the White House released online and they took the image and they ran it through Photoshop or Adobe Photo Elements and they saw that there were many layers to the photograph and that the photograph wasn't just one flat photograph, that things had been added supposedly or...

00:05:50.000 That it looked like things had been cut and paste.

00:05:52.000 But the general consensus among people who understand Photoshop seems to be that when you scan something and you put it in Adobe Photoshop, it shows layers automatically.

00:06:03.000 OCR, that character recognition thing, what it does is it tries to grab the words and puts them in layers for whatever reason.

00:06:12.000 I don't know why it does it.

00:06:13.000 It's annoying.

00:06:14.000 My scanner does it all the time.

00:06:16.000 It's annoying, but you would think that people would ask about this before they would make all these crazy claims that it's definitely fake.

00:06:22.000 Because look, it's probably fake anyway.

00:06:25.000 You think it's fake? 0.99

00:06:25.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.99

00:06:26.000 Who cares? 1.00

00:06:28.000 It's anti-American to care, okay? 0.58

00:06:30.000 What are you saying?

00:06:31.000 You should be able to be American because you somehow or another snuck in first? 0.99

00:06:36.000 You both got in.

00:06:37.000 You went in through the channels that we all agreed upon.

00:06:40.000 Did you really agree on those channels?

00:06:41.000 Because I didn't agree on them.

00:06:42.000 I think we could do a lot better in deciding who gets to stay here and who doesn't.

00:06:46.000 I know a lot of cool people that want to come here and can't. 0.89

00:06:49.000 And there's cunts here. 0.99

00:06:51.000 Plenty of them. 1.00

00:06:53.000 So who gives a fuck? 0.99

00:06:54.000 We're all immigrants. 0.99

00:06:55.000 The United States is based on the idea of immigration.

00:06:57.000 Come to some place from somewhere that sucks and let's make this place better.

00:07:01.000 That's the whole thing. 0.99

00:07:02.000 That is what the United States is. 0.98

00:07:03.000 So when people start fucking tripping about, he wasn't really born here. 0.99

00:07:08.000 You have to be shit out on the right patch of dirt to make you eligible to run it. 1.00

00:07:13.000 That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. 1.00

00:07:16.000 Well, regardless of whether or not you think it's Great wisdom. 1.00

00:07:29.000 They were dumb as fuck and they had wooden teeth. 1.00

00:07:32.000 Okay? 1.00

00:07:32.000 And slaves. 1.00

00:07:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:07:34.000 And they were fucking their slaves. 1.00

00:07:36.000 Were they really? 1.00

00:07:37.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:07:37.000 Thomas Jefferson was fucking a slave. 1.00

00:07:41.000 That's, yeah. 1.00

00:07:43.000 Like, it wasn't just like they were just, you know, happened to have slaves.

00:07:47.000 Because that's what some people say that, you know, back then it was a, that was normal and they were just doing what was normal and they didn't like it. 1.00

00:07:54.000 But what about fucking your slave? 1.00

00:07:57.000 Well, do you think that people who own, like, McDonald's, a lot of them will fuck their employees? 1.00

00:08:03.000 Sure. 0.99

00:08:04.000 Isn't that kind of the same thing?

00:08:05.000 Yeah.

00:08:06.000 If you've got someone working for you at McDonald's, they're doing a full-time shift at McDonald's, they can't go anywhere. 1.00

00:08:11.000 I mean, they're fucking slaves. 0.99

00:08:12.000 No, the difference is, McDonald's is a chain, and slaves are in chains. 1.00

00:08:19.000 That's the fucking difference. 1.00

00:08:20.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:08:22.000 I mean, there's a big difference between working at McDonald's and having a manacle on and the door opens and some fucking horny guy in a wig comes in and fucks you. 1.00

00:08:32.000 Yeah, absolutely. 0.99

00:08:32.000 But I think what they realized about slavery, the reason why people were willing to let slavery go, since it was such a fucking horrendous idea, and people were willing to impose themselves so much on other people that they literally owned that person. 0.99

00:08:45.000 Yeah.

00:08:46.000 But I think eventually they realize you don't have to own them.

00:08:49.000 Just get them addicted to things.

00:08:50.000 Right.

00:08:51.000 Get them addicted to working.

00:08:52.000 Get them addicted to things.

00:08:54.000 You need a new car.

00:08:55.000 Look at this shiny car.

00:08:55.000 You need a new car.

00:08:56.000 But that car is $40,000 and I don't need to make $40,000 in a year.

00:09:00.000 Listen, we've got financing.

00:09:01.000 We've got 0% down.

00:09:02.000 You don't have to pay a single payment for three months.

00:09:05.000 By then you'll be up on your feet.

00:09:06.000 Yeah, by then.

00:09:07.000 Yeah, by then. 1.00

00:09:08.000 Next thing you know, this fucking moron lives in an apartment he can't afford, with a car he can't afford, and he's a slave. 1.00

00:09:13.000 He doesn't know he's a slave, but he's a slave. 1.00

00:09:15.000 If you go anywhere and fuck off, they will literally take away your ability to buy things and or throw you in jail, which is way worse than being a slave. 1.00

00:09:24.000 They're going to throw you in a cell with a bunch of guys who want to beat you and rape you. 1.00

00:09:28.000 Pay your bills, bitch. 1.00

00:09:29.000 You're a fucking slave. 1.00

00:09:32.000 Yeah, it's true. 1.00

00:09:34.000 There is a version of that.

00:09:35.000 I mean, there's no doubt...

00:09:36.000 Brian, that thing is playing on a loop in the background.

00:09:41.000 Do you hear it?

00:09:42.000 Yeah.

00:09:42.000 Do you guys hear it when we're talking?

00:09:45.000 No.

00:09:46.000 I don't hear it at all anymore.

00:09:47.000 I heard drums while I was talking. 0.95

00:09:48.000 I was like, what the fuck is going on? 0.95

00:09:49.000 I think it's one of the microphone stands probably. 0.99

00:09:51.000 Really?

00:09:52.000 Yeah, one of the things.

00:09:53.000 Oh, sorry.

00:09:54.000 Sorry, ladies and gentlemen.

00:09:55.000 My ultra-tuned-in hearing.

00:09:57.000 But here's the difference, because I've thought about this before, which is the idea that if you're working 40 hours a week, that's its own form of slavery.

00:10:08.000 Well, the whole idea is someone can trick you into doing that.

00:10:10.000 It's okay.

00:10:11.000 It's voluntary.

00:10:12.000 Instead of capture you.

00:10:16.000 It's voluntary slavery instead of involuntary.

00:10:18.000 It's mental.

00:10:19.000 It's a mental slavery.

00:10:20.000 I mean, it is and it isn't.

00:10:21.000 I mean, it is free will, and it is a society that's open, and you can work there and save up your money and move on to a better gig, and it's just a gig.

00:10:28.000 You can take it until they figure out how to make robots that can do your job.

00:10:32.000 That's really what it's there for.

00:10:34.000 But, you know, people will argue that it's slavery when you see a bunch of people that are super, super rich, and then they have super poor people that work for them. 0.99

00:10:41.000 Fucking bono. 0.97

00:10:42.000 Yeah, the difference, the total difference is the free will, though. 0.98

00:10:46.000 I mean, that's like a huge part of it.

00:10:48.000 Oh, yeah.

00:10:49.000 I mean, I'm not saying that McDonald's are slave owners.

00:10:52.000 They kind of are.

00:10:52.000 They are a little, you know, if you got someone working all week for you and you pay them $500, wow.

00:10:58.000 Could you imagine?

00:10:59.000 And that's like, you gotta get taxed too, right?

00:11:02.000 They tax you.

00:11:03.000 So how much do you get?

00:11:04.000 Like $300?

00:11:05.000 $350 for the week.

00:11:07.000 For the week.

00:11:07.000 So you gotta live with a bunch of other people.

00:11:09.000 There's no way you can afford, and you don't have time afterwards to go to school. 0.98

00:11:12.000 When you get off work, you're fucking exhausted, man. 0.87

00:11:14.000 What are you gonna do? 0.99

00:11:15.000 You've been working behind a friolator, hating life for eight hours. 0.92

00:11:19.000 You know, the odds are you're not gonna put forth your best effort going to a college anyway.

00:11:25.000 You're going to kind of half-ass it.

00:11:27.000 Whenever I've been doing more than one thing at the same time, I never do as well.

00:11:32.000 It's why fighters can't have full-time jobs.

00:11:34.000 And comics can't have full-time jobs either.

00:11:36.000 If you have a full-time job, it's hard for you to write, man.

00:11:39.000 It's hard to really get in the sets that you need to get in.

00:11:42.000 You need to get in three, four, five a week if you can.

00:11:45.000 At least, right?

00:11:46.000 When you're writing new material.

00:11:48.000 It's hard to do that if you have kids.

00:11:49.000 It's hard to do that if you're married.

00:11:50.000 It's hard to do that if you work.

00:11:52.000 Once you're a part of a system, it's very difficult to change your life.

00:11:58.000 We have so much momentum getting on us, behind us, rather. 0.99

00:12:02.000 That when we get on a path, whatever it is, be a doctor, be a fucking whatever the fuck you want to be, be a mechanic. 0.99

00:12:08.000 Once you're on that path and you're moving, and you're like, shit, I don't like this path. 1.00

00:12:11.000 This path sucks. 1.00

00:12:12.000 Fuck, that's hard to change, man. 1.00

00:12:14.000 It is so hard to switch gears and change careers. 1.00

00:12:17.000 It might be one of the hardest things a person could do.

00:12:19.000 The reason that hallucinogens became illegal is because one of the biggest proponents of hallucinogens, Timothy Leary, He was taking LSD and was saying, tune in, turn on, drop out.

00:12:35.000 His advice to these people that you're talking about was completely drop out of society.

00:12:41.000 This game that you're playing where you think you've got to go to work and have a family, it's just a game.

00:12:46.000 It doesn't exist.

00:12:47.000 It's not a real thing.

00:12:48.000 It's time for everyone to stop playing that game and let that game die.

00:12:52.000 That was the whole point.

00:12:53.000 Dropping out of society, rejecting completely everything.

00:12:57.000 Every aspect of the society you're in and just dropping out, going into a commune or going into San Francisco and starting the summer of love and wearing beads and dancing in the car. 0.96

00:13:06.000 The problem is all those commune stories all end up with kids getting raped. 0.93

00:13:11.000 You know?

00:13:12.000 I mean, I'm sure some of them don't, but I have friends that grew up on communes.

00:13:15.000 I have a few of them, and in every one of them there was child abuse.

00:13:19.000 Well, yeah, communes fail, or notoriously fail, and they usually go up in flames, literally, quite often. 0.99

00:13:26.000 Like, shit goes weird. 0.99

00:13:27.000 But it's like, the idea that we are living the best way that we can as a society, like, this is the best we could do. 1.00

00:13:35.000 This is it.

00:13:36.000 This is the ultimate example.

00:13:37.000 I don't know if that— Why is it that people are afraid of the idea of communes? 0.99

00:13:40.000 You know, I said that— I knew a bunch of kids that had grown up in communes and the fucked up shit had happened to them. 0.96

00:13:47.000 It doesn't mean that all of them do. 0.97

00:13:50.000 If you grew up in a commune and it was awesome for you, I'm not negating your experience or saying I know any better, but what is it about communes that are so scary to people?

00:13:59.000 When you hear about people branching off and going out and doing their own thing, like the Waco Davidian thing, when you hear about that cult, when you hear about a commune or a cult or anything that's really alternative to the standard model, things get really weird.

00:14:14.000 What is that?

00:14:15.000 Why does that weird you out so much?

00:14:17.000 Well, I mean, you're talking about a lifetime of living in a certain way.

00:14:22.000 Right, but why do we care if other people want to do it?

00:14:25.000 Is it because we're nervous that they're going to attack us?

00:14:27.000 They're not going to be on our team?

00:14:28.000 What is it?

00:14:29.000 You're always scared of groups.

00:14:30.000 When you see a person across the street, you don't think anything of it. 0.99

00:14:34.000 But you see five of those people all in a circle, you're like, what the fuck's going on over there? 0.93

00:14:39.000 It's just human interest, like something's going on. 0.98

00:14:41.000 What are they up to?

00:14:42.000 What are they doing?

00:14:45.000 It's mostly men. 0.81

00:14:46.000 Do you worry about groups of women? 1.00

00:14:47.000 I'll fuck up five women, bro. 1.00

00:14:49.000 I'll tell you what. 1.00

00:14:50.000 Once I hit one of those bitches, the rest of them are just going to start running. 1.00

00:14:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:14:54.000 I guess... 1.00

00:14:55.000 But five dudes can kill you. 1.00

00:14:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:14:57.000 Five dudes can beat you to death. 1.00

00:14:59.000 You know?

00:15:00.000 You've got to be real careful with dudes.

00:15:02.000 Much more than with women. 1.00

00:15:03.000 I mean, with some women, you've got to worry about them. 1.00

00:15:04.000 Yeah.

00:15:05.000 You know?

00:15:05.000 But, obviously.

00:15:06.000 What is it about big groups, though, that we worry?

00:15:09.000 We worry, you know?

00:15:09.000 The government...

00:15:10.000 I mean, if you want to...

00:15:12.000 Really kind of trip out on how they handled that Waco thing.

00:15:15.000 There's a documentary called Rules of Engagement.

00:15:17.000 Yeah, Rules of Engagement.

00:15:18.000 And it's really interesting where it just shows really clearly that they murdered all those people.

00:15:23.000 Yeah, and they drove over them. 0.99

00:15:25.000 Remember the ATF drove their shit over the burnt-down wreckage? 0.97

00:15:29.000 Yeah, they lit the houses on fire and drove over the houses with tanks. 0.99

00:15:33.000 Yeah.

00:15:33.000 It's really barbaric.

00:15:35.000 I mean, it was just savage.

00:15:37.000 This is how they had been operating for the longest time.

00:15:41.000 But the age of VCRs is fairly recent, as is the age of the Internet is today.

00:15:47.000 We don't realize that there's a mentality of a bunch of people that were in charge many decades before VCRs and the ability to show video to almost anybody at any time.

00:15:58.000 When VCRs came along, all of a sudden you can watch something again.

00:16:02.000 And you could go, what's going on here?

00:16:04.000 What's happening there?

00:16:05.000 Yeah, whereas before they basically picked and choose what they broadcast casted on television.

00:16:09.000 Once you had the ability to record things, and then tapes started passing around, and then in the case of Waco, I think that was the early 90s, right?

00:16:20.000 Wasn't it?

00:16:21.000 Yeah.

00:16:22.000 Was it early 90s?

00:16:23.000 I think so.

00:16:23.000 Yeah.

00:16:24.000 So they had all these fucking people living on this one compound with weapons and the guy was banging all the wives. 0.99

00:16:32.000 That's how it always ends, right? 0.99

00:16:33.000 The guy's always banging somebody.

00:16:36.000 Well, yeah. 0.98

00:16:36.000 Sex gets in there. 0.98

00:16:38.000 Sex worms its way in there if it's not already there and shit gets weird. 1.00

00:16:43.000 What a fucking weird thing. 1.00

00:16:44.000 I mean, he was like a martyr. 0.99

00:16:46.000 He had this self-fulfilling prophecy.

00:16:48.000 Yeah.

00:16:48.000 He made himself out to be this Jesus character and that the government would come to attack him.

00:16:53.000 How glorious must it have been for him when the ATF was storming the compound and a gunfight was going on and bullets were going through.

00:17:01.000 He's like, they're coming for me.

00:17:03.000 Yeah.

00:17:03.000 I'm too powerful.

00:17:04.000 They're coming for me.

00:17:05.000 He must have been like that, right? 1.00

00:17:07.000 A crazy asshole. 1.00

00:17:08.000 I mean, I'm sure he didn't want to die, but he must have been. 1.00

00:17:12.000 But yeah, to go back to the question, it is a very strange thing that when these alternate societies spring up in our society, they usually go bad or they end up getting attacked.

00:17:25.000 There's a standoff.

00:17:26.000 It's a very strange thing.

00:17:27.000 Our society does not tolerate alternative ways of living sprouting up inside of it.

00:17:33.000 We want everyone to be living the same way.

00:17:36.000 And anytime that stuff starts happening, the officials get involved.

00:17:41.000 Yeah, this tune-in, drop-out, no.

00:17:43.000 It's not, no.

00:17:44.000 Oh, yeah, that's like...

00:17:46.000 That's scary.

00:17:46.000 That was scary.

00:17:47.000 You know, I'm reading this awesome book called The Harvard Psychedelic Club.

00:17:52.000 Oh, that's the Timothy...

00:17:53.000 What's his face?

00:17:54.000 The Unabomber was involved in that, right?

00:17:56.000 I didn't know that.

00:17:57.000 I haven't gotten to that part.

00:17:58.000 Oh, I don't know.

00:17:59.000 Maybe it's a different thing, but...

00:18:00.000 Go on.

00:18:02.000 Well, it's like...

00:18:04.000 Timothy Leary and Richard Alpert, who turned into Ram Dass, who I always talk about, and Andrew Weill, the vitamin guy, you know that guy?

00:18:13.000 The guy with the giant beard and he sells vitamin products? 0.97

00:18:17.000 Well, like, the fucking story there is that... 0.99

00:18:21.000 Timothy Leary goes to Mexico. 0.99

00:18:23.000 Someone gives him mushrooms.

00:18:24.000 He's never eaten mushrooms.

00:18:25.000 He takes them, has this insane experience.

00:18:29.000 He's a Harvard professor, so he thinks, oh, we need to study this.

00:18:32.000 This could have huge implications as far as psychotherapy goes.

00:18:37.000 We could use this.

00:18:38.000 So he goes back to Harvard and starts the Harvard Psilocybin Project, which is where they're giving psilocybin to students and Well, they weren't supposed to be, but they're experimenting with psilocybin to induce mystical states of being.

00:18:53.000 They're going into prisons with mushrooms and giving the...

00:18:56.000 Well, actually, synthetic psilocybin.

00:18:58.000 They're giving that to the prisoners.

00:18:59.000 The prisoners are eating it with them.

00:19:02.000 Like, they would trip out on mushrooms with the prisoners to try to do therapy and... 0.91

00:19:08.000 So, Andrew Weill fucking goes into one of their meetings where the staff is meeting about this and, like, writes a kind of negative news story in Harvard about how these professors have started a semi-cult and are giving psychedelics to their students.

00:19:25.000 And this ended up in Timothy Leary and Richard Alpert getting kicked out of Harvard because, like, the Harvard newspaper, and I don't remember the name of it, is read by, like, the president and stuff. 0.97

00:19:37.000 And so they got kicked out of Harvard and they went down to Mexico and were taking mushrooms.

00:19:43.000 And this woman whose husband used to be in the CIA was hanging out with him and she told Timothy Leary, everybody's totally cool with you guys doing this as long as you keep it quiet.

00:19:57.000 Like, don't be loud about this.

00:19:59.000 And then according to Timothy Leary, she called him... 0.55

00:20:02.000 A few days before Kennedy died and told him he's going to start talking about everything and I'm really worried about the president.

00:20:11.000 And then a few days later he got shot.

00:20:14.000 That's according to Timothy Leary.

00:20:16.000 So you're saying that President Kennedy was doing acid?

00:20:19.000 Well, President Kennedy came from Harvard, and yes, according to this book, this woman who dated Timothy Leary supposedly went to this Mexican, to this retreat or the hotel in Mexico, and as I recall, You know, said that she wanted to get some LSD for someone who's too famous to talk about.

00:20:41.000 And so that's an underground legend. 0.98

00:20:45.000 Sounds like that bitch already said too much. 1.00

00:20:47.000 Yeah, I know. 1.00

00:20:48.000 I ought to kidnap her and throw her in the basement until she told me who the fuck that was. 1.00

00:20:51.000 I know, man. 1.00

00:20:52.000 That's ridiculous. 1.00

00:20:52.000 That's a useless bitch right there. 1.00

00:20:53.000 And that seems ridiculous. 1.00

00:20:54.000 The whole story seems pretty ridiculous. 0.95

00:20:55.000 Yeah, that story sounds like something that someone makes up when they work at, like, a resort. 0.87

00:20:59.000 But you know what's not ridiculous, though?

00:21:01.000 Mike behind the counter's got a great story.

00:21:03.000 It's not like some guy that does a lot of drugs and talks to dolphins about that.

00:21:05.000 But the CIA was experimenting with LSD. Yeah, well, that was what I was going to bring up.

00:21:10.000 When you said that, I thought you were talking about Ted Kaczynski.

00:21:13.000 You know, the CIA did a bunch of studies in 1962 out of Harvard.

00:21:19.000 And Ted Kaczynski volunteered for these studies. 1.00

00:21:21.000 And they cooked his fucking brain, man. 1.00

00:21:24.000 They created the Unabomber. 1.00

00:21:25.000 It's very, very likely they created him.

00:21:28.000 When he got out of there, he was absolutely convinced that there was some sort of a war going on between technology and us.

00:21:35.000 And that he had to stop all these people from making technology.

00:21:38.000 So what he did was he got a cabin in the woods in Montana.

00:21:42.000 He worked for like five years as a professor just to save up the money.

00:21:45.000 Maybe three years as a professor just to save up enough money to fund his trip.

00:21:50.000 And then he moved and just started this attack on all these professors and innovators and all these people that were involved.

00:21:56.000 Mail bombs.

00:21:58.000 They cooked him, dude.

00:21:59.000 It's crazy.

00:21:59.000 They cooked him at Harvard, man.

00:22:01.000 And that's not something that's very well known, man.

00:22:05.000 Very few people have heard that story.

00:22:08.000 People have no idea about the history of LSD at all.

00:22:13.000 Well, if you want to look online, look up the CIA doses French town because there was a town in France where it's been, by the Freedom of Information Act, these papers have been released and they found out that they did LSD studies on whole towns in France. 0.63

00:22:31.000 They would dose the whole fucking village and watch people commit suicide, watch all kinds of crazy shit happen. 0.90

00:22:39.000 Excuse me. 1.00

00:22:41.000 So, you know, they've been doing shit on soldiers in the United States and Britain. 0.98

00:22:46.000 There's videos of British troops all dosed up on LSD wandering around. 0.99

00:22:51.000 I've seen it. 0.99

00:22:51.000 It's fucking weird, man. 0.99

00:22:52.000 It's amazing. 0.99

00:22:53.000 And that was ten years.

00:22:54.000 They were doing it at Harvard ten years before Leary started doing the experiments himself.

00:23:00.000 Dude, you know what I saw that was hilarious? 0.99

00:23:02.000 Speaking of old shit, I watched Flash Gordon on the plane. 1.00

00:23:07.000 On the plane home from Toronto. 1.00

00:23:08.000 The original?

00:23:09.000 Dude!

00:23:10.000 They have these little, you know, you can pick a TV show or a movie.

00:23:14.000 I mean, Flash Gordon, episode one, two, and I don't know if there's more.

00:23:17.000 It is amazing how bad it is.

00:23:20.000 I don't know what year that was.

00:23:22.000 Do you know what year that was?

00:23:23.000 No.

00:23:23.000 Let me look it up real quick, because it was incredible.

00:23:25.000 The special effects were awesome. 0.98

00:23:29.000 They were so bad that it looks like a show that's trying to fuck around. 0.79

00:23:34.000 It looks like a show that maybe Tim and Eric would do, or the guys from South Park. 0.98

00:23:38.000 Really?

00:23:38.000 Yeah.

00:23:39.000 Did you see South Park? 1.00

00:23:40.000 I was like, shit. 1.00

00:23:42.000 1936. That's when it is. 1.00

00:23:44.000 Do you know how crazy that is?

00:23:45.000 We're talking about 1936. And this is like pre-World War II, man.

00:23:51.000 So they've got this fucking ridiculous spaceship that has got sparklers? 0.99

00:23:57.000 Like Fourth of July sparklers behind it, and it's on a string. 0.99

00:24:00.000 And it's like swinging on a string with the sparklers shooting behind it.

00:24:04.000 And the way it's operated, the inside, what they thought a spaceship would be like, it's insane.

00:24:10.000 There's a guy in a seat.

00:24:11.000 He's just sitting in a seat.

00:24:13.000 And he's got like a periscope, just like you would have in a submarine, because they had submarines back then.

00:24:18.000 That's hilarious.

00:24:18.000 Dude, there's no monitors.

00:24:20.000 They're going through space and they don't even have monitors.

00:24:23.000 They never envisioned monitors.

00:24:24.000 But back then, you were buying every single second. 1.00

00:24:27.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

00:24:27.000 Oh my god, that was so realistic. 1.00

00:24:29.000 Dude, it is awesome.

00:24:30.000 And I just looked up on IMDB. Apparently, there's a DVD set you can get.

00:24:35.000 I... Fully recommend a Stone session.

00:24:38.000 Get Stone as fuck and watch Flash Gordon. 0.99

00:24:41.000 It's going to be awesome. 1.00

00:24:43.000 It's amazing.

00:24:44.000 It's amazing to think that that's even real. 0.92

00:24:47.000 That this was a show, or a movie rather, where, you know, this was fucking legit. 0.97

00:24:53.000 People would get fired up. 0.96

00:24:54.000 We're going to go see Flash Gordon.

00:24:56.000 He's going to beat that meeting Lawrence West.

00:24:57.000 Yeah, you think so?

00:24:59.000 They'd go in there and buy their homemade Coca-Cola.

00:25:05.000 I was watching old Twilight Zone, same thing.

00:25:07.000 Not as bad as that, but Twilight Zone, like the old school series, they mostly had to do with astronauts and UFOs.

00:25:14.000 Like, it was the same, always about space stuff.

00:25:16.000 It was so weird that people bought that back in the day.

00:25:19.000 I love the Twilight Zone.

00:25:21.000 I love it, too.

00:25:21.000 I love watching old Twilight Zone.

00:25:23.000 Yeah, you know what my favorite one is?

00:25:25.000 Burgess Meredith, when he's the last man on Earth, and he's like in a bookstore, so he gets all these books, and he's so excited, because that's all he wanted to do.

00:25:32.000 People would just bother him.

00:25:33.000 He really just wanted to read books.

00:25:34.000 Yeah.

00:25:35.000 And so a nuclear bomb hits, everybody's dead, and he's got all the books in the world to read, but he breaks his glasses.

00:25:41.000 I remember that one, dude.

00:25:43.000 It's so good.

00:25:44.000 It was awesome.

00:25:46.000 It was awesome.

00:25:47.000 Yeah, that was really good.

00:25:48.000 It was the perfect show.

00:25:49.000 It was the perfect show.

00:25:50.000 When that episode was done, I was like, wow.

00:25:53.000 The perfect show.

00:25:54.000 They did a Twilight Zone where a pool hustler wanted to play the dead guy. 0.92

00:25:59.000 And when he wins, he goes to hell.

00:26:02.000 And so he wins and he's guarding over the pool table waiting for the next guy because he wasted his whole life playing pool.

00:26:08.000 That's his suffering.

00:26:10.000 Those Twilight Zones were awesome.

00:26:11.000 So good.

00:26:12.000 How come there isn't a show like that now?

00:26:13.000 It's hard to do, man.

00:26:14.000 Every subject's been covered a billion times over.

00:26:16.000 To be completely and totally original like that, like, wow.

00:26:19.000 You're talking about, you know, millions and millions of shows. 0.92

00:26:22.000 It's fucking, how much stuff has been made since 1936? 0.98

00:26:26.000 It's Buck Rogers or Flash Gordon. 0.99

00:26:28.000 Do you remember Amazing Stories?

00:26:29.000 They tried to redo kind of like the same format.

00:26:31.000 That was awesome.

00:26:32.000 I never saw that.

00:26:33.000 Amazing Stories was pretty good, too.

00:26:34.000 It was like in the 80s.

00:26:35.000 I love those Twilight Zone movies, too.

00:26:37.000 But then, of course, that one with John Landis had that horrible accident with that helicopter crash.

00:26:41.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

00:26:41.000 Yeah, kind of girl's head off.

00:26:43.000 Yeah, decapitated. 0.95

00:26:44.000 Dude. 1.00

00:26:45.000 That is fucked up. 1.00

00:26:46.000 Fuck movies with explosions and helicopters. 1.00

00:26:50.000 Keep that shit away from me. 1.00

00:26:51.000 The good news is they don't really have to do that anymore. 1.00

00:26:54.000 Because now they have CGI. They just, you know, fake the whole thing.

00:26:57.000 They don't. 0.99

00:26:58.000 In 2012, nobody really jumped a car over a fucking canyon. 0.99

00:27:01.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

00:27:02.000 The whole thing was fake.

00:27:04.000 So it's nice. 0.98

00:27:05.000 You don't really have to risk your life for some shitty movie. 1.00

00:27:07.000 Stuntmen are fucking crazy, man. 1.00

00:27:09.000 Oh, dude. 1.00

00:27:09.000 The craziest. 1.00

00:27:10.000 I worked with those guys for years on Fear Factor.

00:27:12.000 On Fear Factor, I worked with stunt guys.

00:27:14.000 I knew a few guys from jiu-jitsu. 1.00

00:27:16.000 My friend Will, who trained at John Jacques, I knew a couple other guys from there, but they're fucking animals. 0.99

00:27:23.000 All of them have like, oh, this is metal. 0.99

00:27:25.000 I got a fucking fake collarbone, and I got 18 plates in this hand. - Have you seen the video of the window washer in "Lethal Weapon"? 0.96

00:27:35.000 That is washing the window and basically it's a stunt that went wrong and a car went through the wrong window.

00:27:42.000 So there's these two stunt guys and they're washing this window because they have the outtakes and you see them all of a sudden brace themselves and one guy jumps Trying to get out of the way, and a car just goes through a window, smacks one of them, knocks him backwards into the building.

00:27:58.000 He was fine.

00:27:59.000 He wasn't fine.

00:28:00.000 He had to go to the hospital for a couple weeks.

00:28:01.000 I just met that guy. 1.00

00:28:02.000 Fucking crazy. 0.99

00:28:03.000 Is it in the video? 0.99

00:28:04.000 Can you see it in the video?

00:28:05.000 Yeah, it's on the internet.

00:28:06.000 Like, look up lethal weapon, like, stuntman accident.

00:28:10.000 Man, he was such a cool guy.

00:28:12.000 It's like, stuntmen are like a very specific type of person, and it's like a job that's sometimes passed down through families and stuff.

00:28:20.000 It's like a...

00:28:20.000 Yeah.

00:28:21.000 You have to be really, really crazy to do that. 1.00

00:28:25.000 You've got to be tough as fuck. 1.00

00:28:26.000 Tough as nails. 1.00

00:28:27.000 Tate does that.

00:28:27.000 Tate Fletcher's been doing that.

00:28:29.000 He's been doing all the Avenger movies.

00:28:31.000 Oh, it totally makes sense.

00:28:32.000 But they're super careful.

00:28:34.000 They're super careful, and it's really interesting to see how fastidious they are.

00:28:40.000 But this guy was talking to him about this stunt, and he just kept saying, fire stunts are as safe as they could be.

00:28:47.000 There's nothing safer than a fire stunt.

00:28:49.000 I'd set my kids on fire.

00:28:50.000 He kept saying that. 1.00

00:28:51.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:28:53.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

00:28:54.000 Yeah.

00:28:55.000 That's a guy who might be a little too confident with himself.

00:28:57.000 I know. 1.00

00:28:58.000 I mean, I guess you have to be because if you're scared, if you're scared during one of these stunts and you spend any energy on fear, you're fucked. 1.00

00:29:06.000 You'll get killed. 1.00

00:29:08.000 I could never do that shit. 1.00

00:29:09.000 Fuck that. 1.00

00:29:10.000 Even that girl stunt. 1.00

00:29:12.000 Can you imagine being a girl doing that?

00:29:14.000 The stunt women? 0.91

00:29:15.000 Yeah, there's a lot of tough broads out there getting thrown out of the back of trucks. 1.00

00:29:19.000 Yeah.

00:29:19.000 The fall guy.

00:29:20.000 Come on.

00:29:21.000 Remember the fall guy?

00:29:22.000 Remember Alf?

00:29:25.000 Alph?

00:29:26.000 Joey Diaz gave...

00:29:26.000 Alph was a stuntman?

00:29:27.000 No, I'm just kidding.

00:29:28.000 I do remember Alph.

00:29:30.000 What was Alph?

00:29:31.000 Alph was an alien?

00:29:32.000 Alien.

00:29:32.000 And he liked to eat cats.

00:29:34.000 Really?

00:29:34.000 Yeah.

00:29:35.000 How did that get through?

00:29:36.000 I never watched an episode of Alph.

00:29:38.000 I kind of pride myself in that.

00:29:41.000 Is that how he talks?

00:29:44.000 Yeah.

00:29:44.000 I remember it was a reference that hack comedians would do in the 80s.

00:29:48.000 Or the 90s, rather.

00:29:49.000 Remember Max Hedrum?

00:29:51.000 How badass before at the time was that guy.

00:29:53.000 What was that all about?

00:29:55.000 Hologram.

00:29:55.000 He was like a hologram.

00:29:56.000 What was he supposed to be?

00:29:58.000 Was he supposed to be a computer or something?

00:29:59.000 I think he was a computer programmer.

00:30:01.000 He lived in the computer.

00:30:02.000 Yeah, I don't remember.

00:30:03.000 Or was he artificial intelligence?

00:30:05.000 That's what it was, yeah.

00:30:06.000 He was like Hal.

00:30:06.000 I used to watch that show, the TV show.

00:30:08.000 I remember I fucking loved it back in the day. 0.75

00:30:10.000 It started off as, what, a Pepsi commercial or something? 0.92

00:30:13.000 Was it?

00:30:13.000 And then it became a show.

00:30:15.000 Then it became a TV show.

00:30:16.000 I saw that guy in some weird B-movie one day.

00:30:19.000 Oh, the guy that played that guy?

00:30:20.000 Yeah.

00:30:21.000 Huh.

00:30:21.000 It was weird.

00:30:22.000 I was like, no, no, no.

00:30:24.000 You're Max Headroom.

00:30:25.000 It can't be some guy in some movie who's like a cop.

00:30:28.000 I think we've got a clue here.

00:30:29.000 It's like a bad cop movie.

00:30:31.000 I'm surprised they really haven't brought him back to sell iPads or something. 0.99

00:30:35.000 Why don't you fucking make the pitch, son? 0.99

00:30:38.000 Let's do it. 0.99

00:30:38.000 Get that guy together. 0.99

00:30:39.000 Today, with the technology that we have today, you actually could do that if you wanted to.

00:30:42.000 You could just film it on a green screen of your own, throw it through your laptop.

00:30:47.000 Sure.

00:30:47.000 Super easy.

00:30:48.000 It's amazing.

00:30:49.000 Super easy.

00:30:49.000 So, going back to this Flash Gordon thing, man.

00:30:52.000 If you ever need proof of evolution for knuckleheads, just look at Flash Gordon. 0.98

00:30:58.000 Look at that from 1936 and look at us today in 2011. If you can't see that things are changing and moving in a certain direction, the complexity of the dialogue, the simplicity of it in the Flash Gordon movie as compared to what we're having in this conversation right here, we're two totally different human beings.

00:31:16.000 I don't know if they were incredibly naive or if it was that the Cinema was so new and naive that it could be stupid and fake because everyone sort of accepted it. 0.94

00:31:27.000 You know what I mean? 0.98

00:31:28.000 When they saw those old King Kong movies, I love all the King Kong movies, but the first one was pretty badass.

00:31:34.000 But it's so fake looking.

00:31:36.000 It's so bad.

00:31:37.000 If you go and watch it now, you're like, whoa, what?

00:31:40.000 But back then, they knew...

00:31:43.000 They knew it was good for them.

00:31:45.000 I was like, wow, I can't believe that that's the monster.

00:31:48.000 They didn't have anything to compare it to.

00:31:50.000 They knew it didn't look real, but they were still impressed.

00:31:52.000 Like, that King Kong's a hell of a monster.

00:31:54.000 What a great movie.

00:31:55.000 Right.

00:31:56.000 You know what I mean?

00:31:57.000 Yeah, totally.

00:31:58.000 It's like, you know, it's like 3D. Look how much 3D's evolved.

00:32:01.000 But when you first went to, when I went to see Jaws 3D when it came out and wore those red and blue glasses, I was like, oh my god, holy shit, this is incredible.

00:32:10.000 Like, there was one scene where a needle came out of the screen and it was just like, whoa, that's crazy.

00:32:16.000 But, so I was just happy.

00:32:17.000 I didn't care about, I didn't know that there could be better 3D than that.

00:32:21.000 I was just blown away.

00:32:21.000 So it must have been the same thing.

00:32:23.000 It's kind of weird how it took a long time before 3D made a comeback.

00:32:26.000 Yeah, I don't think it really made a comeback either.

00:32:28.000 Well, dude, Avatar, in my opinion, it made a comeback.

00:32:31.000 When I saw it in IMAX 3D, that's like an experience, man.

00:32:36.000 I had a smile on my face that whole movie. 0.72

00:32:38.000 And when I heard all these people that were like, Oh, that movie sucked.

00:32:41.000 The plot was very transparent. 0.99

00:32:43.000 I'm like, Oh my God, shut up. 1.00

00:32:45.000 Shut up, stupid. 1.00

00:32:45.000 How could you not enjoy that? 1.00

00:32:47.000 Oh, you're telling me the big blue aliens aren't real?

00:32:50.000 Whoa, get out of here. 1.00

00:32:52.000 Yeah.

00:32:52.000 No, were people like, after Avatar, people reporting depression?

00:32:57.000 Yeah, Avatar depression.

00:32:59.000 Yeah, it was a real thing.

00:33:01.000 Yeah, it's online.

00:33:03.000 Life is no color in after Avatar.

00:33:04.000 I wonder how it's recognized.

00:33:06.000 I wonder if psychologists are behind it.

00:33:08.000 Well, you have Avatar depression.

00:33:11.000 It sounds like you've got a bad case of Avatar depression.

00:33:14.000 That's not outside the realm of possibility.

00:33:16.000 I'm sure.

00:33:16.000 Yeah.

00:33:17.000 Well, I know the depression that comes from playing a really awesome video game and then going out into the world.

00:33:25.000 You know what I mean?

00:33:26.000 We're driving here and we go by this mountain of rocks and he looks out the window and he goes, oh, that's like, what is that?

00:33:34.000 Ogremar.

00:33:35.000 Ogremar from World of Warcraft.

00:33:38.000 I don't even know what that means.

00:33:39.000 Reminds me of a fantasy environment. 0.99

00:33:42.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 0.99

00:33:45.000 Well, I just got this iMac. 1.00

00:33:47.000 I just got this, like, giant iMac.

00:33:49.000 Like, the biggest monitor I've ever had.

00:33:51.000 So I was like, well...

00:33:52.000 Aren't those awesome?

00:33:53.000 I've got to see what world... 1.00

00:33:54.000 No, they suck. 1.00

00:33:55.000 Mine died today. 0.99

00:33:56.000 Yeah, but it's probably just a hard drive.

00:33:57.000 No, I hope not.

00:33:58.000 Oh, God. 1.00

00:34:00.000 I've got to back your shit up, dude. 1.00

00:34:01.000 You got it backed up? 0.99

00:34:03.000 They're awesome.

00:34:03.000 You don't have things backed up?

00:34:04.000 Not that computer.

00:34:06.000 Because I use that computer just for audio, like, you know, for podcasting. 0.99

00:34:09.000 Dude, how hard is it to slap a fucking one terabyte drive on it? 0.95

00:34:12.000 I have 14 terabyte full drives. 0.99

00:34:15.000 I just keep on running out of hard drive space.

00:34:17.000 Wow, that's incredible.

00:34:18.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:34:18.000 Fucking sucks. 1.00

00:34:19.000 That shit needs to go away. 1.00

00:34:20.000 What happened to... 1.00

00:34:21.000 I remember when I worked at Gateway Computers.

00:34:22.000 I don't know if we talked about this.

00:34:23.000 Anyway, he's talking about his eye back.

00:34:25.000 It is awesome. 0.99

00:34:26.000 I know you're saying that your shit died, but it is awesome. 0.99

00:34:29.000 And what were you going to say about that? 1.00

00:34:30.000 I was going to say it's like a fucking window into an alternate universe. 0.98

00:34:35.000 When you've got a really good video game and you're looking at it, it's like these... 0.98

00:34:39.000 I think the word video games got to go down the tubes, man, because someone hears you say, I love to play video games. 1.00

00:34:45.000 They're like, you fucking nerd. 0.96

00:34:48.000 But what it's turning into, it's going to get to the point where it's not video games anymore, where it's something else. 0.99

00:34:56.000 I feel like it's like World of Warcraft, StarCraft, a portal.

00:35:02.000 This is the very first...

00:35:04.000 Surge of water and this virtual tsunami that's about to come subjectively sweeping over everyone.

00:35:11.000 Because that thing you say about, like, maybe our neurology can't resist movies because it's so overpowering.

00:35:17.000 It's like, I think that there's going to be some truth to that because these games are missing a few components.

00:35:22.000 And this is what I think of when I'm Stone playing World of Warcraft.

00:35:25.000 If I could smell, like, if there was a sense of smell involved in this and also...

00:35:31.000 They've made that.

00:35:32.000 If there was a sense of, like...

00:35:33.000 Yeah, I mean, they've made machines that do that.

00:35:36.000 I think it's going to have to be a mind thing instead of a machine thing.

00:35:40.000 I think it's going to have to be able to stimulate some part of your mind.

00:35:43.000 To give you smells.

00:35:45.000 Yeah, like maybe you can wear some.

00:35:46.000 Maybe everyone's going to have to shave their head like real players.

00:35:50.000 Yeah.

00:35:51.000 You're going to have to do a horizontal mohawk thing. 0.99

00:35:53.000 That's how you know.

00:35:54.000 This dude's legit. 0.99

00:35:55.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:35:56.000 He goes out to the club with this big stripe shaved down his head. 1.00

00:35:58.000 And then you put this thing on skin to skin on your head.

00:36:01.000 And it has precise...

00:36:03.000 You line it up on the video game.

00:36:05.000 It'll show you how to line it up with the exact cortex, exact portion of your brain.

00:36:09.000 And then it sends signals that show you burning meat smell.

00:36:14.000 But then you know what else it does?

00:36:17.000 And this is really weird.

00:36:18.000 While you're playing the game, it erases your memory of your previous life.

00:36:23.000 So the moment that thing goes on, you have no more past.

00:36:27.000 You're just the memories of the character in the game rushing through the game, playing the game, completely unaware of the fact that you used to exist as a person.

00:36:36.000 Dude.

00:36:37.000 And then you know what happens?

00:36:38.000 You're doing a podcast. 0.99

00:36:40.000 You're like, oh, fuck, man, my heart feels weird. 1.00

00:36:43.000 Dude. 1.00

00:36:44.000 And you suddenly wake up in your futuristic apartment and you're like, oh man, that game was awesome.

00:36:50.000 So right now we're playing a game.

00:36:52.000 Yeah.

00:36:53.000 A lot of people say this could be some alien simulation.

00:36:57.000 That we're just an alien involved in a really high-powered, super advanced, badass video game called Planet.

00:37:05.000 Experience the lives of billions of people, all individually.

00:37:08.000 I wrote something once about maybe the life that we're living, maybe the reason why it seems so fake is because it is fake and what we are in is some sort of a reality simulation of the roaring 20s of the technological age. 0.99

00:37:20.000 Like maybe we live in some time where everything is all scented candles and perfectly lit white rooms and no one has a muscle car and no one's getting their dick sucked. 0.97

00:37:30.000 And maybe there's like a simulator that you can run where you run where it's just chaos. 1.00

00:37:36.000 But chaos that's entertaining as fuck. 0.95

00:37:39.000 It's like every time you turn around there's some new thing. 0.99

00:37:42.000 Christina Aguilera fucking up the national anthem. 0.90

00:37:45.000 Two billion people tuning into the wedding. 1.00

00:37:48.000 There's constant shit going on to keep you entertained. 0.99

00:37:51.000 And you are in this biological ride canister. 1.00

00:37:57.000 And you're going through this thing.

00:38:00.000 Yeah.

00:38:00.000 Your portal to this ride is your skin and your flesh.

00:38:04.000 Yeah, that's right.

00:38:06.000 Pops through into this dimension.

00:38:07.000 And you know, it sounds like you're advocating fantasy.

00:38:10.000 It sounds like you're advocating, well, you know, so you want to look at your life as if it's some sort of a simulation and just live it as a simulation?

00:38:18.000 Absolutely.

00:38:18.000 Well, no, I'm just saying, yes, I am saying that.

00:38:20.000 Yeah, why not, right?

00:38:21.000 It's very empowering.

00:38:22.000 I think the first person I ever heard suggest that was McKenna.

00:38:25.000 I think McKenna was talking about...

00:38:27.000 How did he say it?

00:38:29.000 And he was quoting someone else, so I'm doing a third-hand quote.

00:38:32.000 But he said, you should view your life as...

00:38:35.000 How did he say it?

00:38:39.000 As a conspiracy, view your life as if the world is run by a select group of people, and that group of people is you and your friends.

00:38:51.000 You're somehow or another secretly in charge with running the world and running the universe.

00:38:56.000 You're the most important things in the universe, just you and your friends.

00:38:59.000 Because it's the most empowering way to view the world.

00:39:01.000 Yeah, because what's the other side?

00:39:04.000 The other side of it is this kind of pseudo-empathy for strangers that you don't know.

00:39:09.000 So many people wander through their day just frothing with terror over whatever they've seen on the news.

00:39:14.000 And so for them, the world's awful.

00:39:17.000 But then their real situation is usually pretty good.

00:39:21.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:39:22.000 You know, like, it's like a fucking... 0.99

00:39:24.000 Bill Hicks has that awesome joke about like... 0.99

00:39:26.000 CNN. CNN. Watch the news and then outside it's like beautiful and the grass is growing.

00:39:31.000 Right.

00:39:31.000 So there's this mental pollution that comes pouring out of every information device that we have and that like corrupts your mind and you begin to think you're in a horror story when your real reality is one that's usually quite pleasant or This theme has been going back and forth with me over the last couple of weeks.

00:39:50.000 I was talking about it even on stage in Canada that I don't think, and I think it goes along with the same thing that we were talking about as far as us not being able to process films and movies.

00:40:01.000 that what I was saying with that was that movies, for those people who've never heard it before, I think that human beings are set up to imitate their atmosphere, and we're set up to find the alpha and follow him 'cause he's the old leader, and he's the guy with the broadsword that has the most nicks in it, and he's experienced things that you can learn from him, and so we and he's the guy with the broadsword that has the most nicks That we don't, we're set up to imitate our atmosphere, but we don't know when our atmosphere is bullshit.

00:40:27.000 Those same signals All of a sudden we're getting them from a hundred foot screen and we're sitting there in IMAX surround sound and the hero, every time he comes on screen, he says the exact right thing because he's got a fucking team of writers and they've been working on it for weeks and there's music plays every time he's in the room and you get just drawn into this thing where it's incredibly influential. 0.95

00:40:49.000 Like almost more so than real life.

00:40:52.000 And I don't think we're set up to process that.

00:40:56.000 I think we're set up to process the natural world.

00:40:59.000 And this is along the same lines as that, right?

00:41:01.000 I think when you look at the news and there's terrible things going on all over the world, I don't think we're set up to process the world. 0.99

00:41:08.000 We're set up to process our fucking neighborhood. 1.00

00:41:10.000 The universe, the world, is a chaotic fucking place. 1.00

00:41:13.000 And the key is, when somewhere sucks, you gotta get the fuck out of there. 1.00

00:41:16.000 That's how people got to America in the first place. 0.99

00:41:18.000 That's why people crossed the Bering Strait when they came over from Asia.

00:41:23.000 We are nomadic for a reason. 0.95

00:41:24.000 It's because the world is spinning around a fucking nuclear explosion, and sometimes it gets a little too far away, and when it does, everything freezes to death. 0.96

00:41:32.000 Okay? 0.97

00:41:32.000 So you've got to move around. 0.97

00:41:33.000 You've got to keep moving. 0.98

00:41:34.000 And I think we are supposed to be in a good spot and surround ourselves with a bunch of good people, but we can't be looking at the whole goddamn thing all at once. 0.66

00:41:45.000 The whole six to seven billion people all over the world. 0.98

00:41:49.000 Yeah, everywhere you go, you're going to see billions Bombs going off, and people getting shot, and planes dropping fucking missiles out of the sky onto the wrong building. 0.98

00:41:58.000 You're going to see that everywhere because there's so fucking many of us. 0.97

00:42:02.000 You're not supposed to be monitoring the whole thing. 0.63

00:42:04.000 Well, it messes up the paradigm people are enjoying, and that paradigm is its own little virtual reality game.

00:42:12.000 It's like people live in denial of death.

00:42:15.000 They live in denial of the impermanence of everything.

00:42:17.000 They live in the denial...

00:42:20.000 Of the fact that you will not be able to hold on to anything.

00:42:23.000 Ownership is a complete illusion.

00:42:25.000 You can't really own anything.

00:42:26.000 There's no such thing as countries.

00:42:29.000 Well, you can hold on to it for a little bit.

00:42:30.000 There are countries, because if you go over there, you've got to have a passport.

00:42:33.000 And they can lock you up.

00:42:37.000 What's happening is people are enforcing invisible things.

00:42:41.000 Right, but they are enforcing them.

00:42:43.000 Well, yeah, but for example, there's law.

00:42:46.000 Take the law of gravity.

00:42:47.000 The law of gravity does not need police officers to make sure that the law of gravity works.

00:42:52.000 If you jump off a cliff, it's not like you land at the bottom, you're okay, and cops come and arrest you and say, you just broke the law of gravity. 0.98

00:42:58.000 We're going to have to kill you. 1.00

00:42:59.000 The law of gravity kills you. 1.00

00:43:01.000 The human laws, on the other hand, these are laws that aren't real except...

00:43:06.000 From the enforcement of human beings and from things written down on paper.

00:43:11.000 But it's not real in the sense of the law of gravity.

00:43:14.000 And as society shifted throughout time, these laws have changed too.

00:43:19.000 So they're impermanent and they're always... 0.78

00:43:21.000 I mean, God, there used to be bathrooms for black people. 0.99

00:43:24.000 You know what I mean?

00:43:25.000 That was a real law.

00:43:26.000 That was a real thing.

00:43:27.000 And that law is not real.

00:43:29.000 That law doesn't exist on the planet.

00:43:31.000 There's no underlying mechanism.

00:43:34.000 I see what you're saying, but it seems to me this is like an argument of semantics.

00:43:38.000 It's like, what is the definition of the word law?

00:43:40.000 I see what you're saying, but the reality is laws exist.

00:43:44.000 If you go to Turkey and you have heroin strapped to your back and they catch you, they put you in a cage.

00:43:49.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:43:51.000 There's social engineering.

00:43:53.000 The real question is, is that social engineering, is it valid?

00:43:58.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:43:59.000 Well, no, I think many times the social engineering is not...

00:44:02.000 But that's what all the laws are, right?

00:44:03.000 Wouldn't you agree?

00:44:04.000 They're all social engineering.

00:44:05.000 Don't do heroin because we don't want heroin users.

00:44:08.000 Well, the idea would be, I think, that laws, like good laws, would be laws that were a natural expression of a kind of metaphysical function of the universe.

00:44:18.000 You say that, man, but then you've got to realize the nature of man. 1.00

00:44:22.000 Man is a violent, fucking crazy animal. 0.99

00:44:24.000 And if you want to allow the nature of man to express itself in a truly unfettered way, you can have a lot of violence, man. 1.00

00:44:32.000 Yeah, it's called the United States.

00:44:34.000 I mean, look at what's happening.

00:44:36.000 This is the nature of man being allowed to express itself in an unfettered way.

00:44:39.000 It's just being done on a massive global level.

00:44:44.000 I agree and I disagree.

00:44:46.000 Because as individuals, no.

00:44:48.000 As individuals, most of the day is filled with very little violence in comparison to what life would have been like 10,000 years ago.

00:44:54.000 Life 10,000 years ago, by the time you got to be our age, you were missing a hand or something. 0.99

00:44:58.000 There's some fucking arrow holes in you. 1.00

00:45:00.000 If you made it through, you had a giant fucking machete mark on your head. 1.00

00:45:05.000 You were experiencing violence around every corner just to stay alive. 0.99

00:45:09.000 I think laws and all the things that are in place that a lot of people wouldn't agree with, even some drug smuggling laws. 0.99

00:45:17.000 I think you need some sort of regulation on these assholes that want to come in here and sell poisonous shit that makes you addicted to it. 0.99

00:45:25.000 Another way to look at it might be with your child. 1.00

00:45:27.000 You've got certain rules that you have with kids where you have to tell them not to go into the medicine cabinet and eat these things because they can't regulate themselves and they'll die from it.

00:45:38.000 Those laws are obviously necessary and they're good, but what I'm saying is there's so many laws that aren't necessary.

00:45:47.000 Yes.

00:45:48.000 We're in agreement on that, I think, the whole thing.

00:45:50.000 And it's for profit, too.

00:45:51.000 It's laws that are designed to – yeah, we are in agreement on that – to rake money into the prison industrial complex.

00:45:59.000 A lot of these laws help make a lot of people a lot of money.

00:46:04.000 And when you say prison industrial complex, a lot of people are not going to understand that statement. 0.99

00:46:08.000 So just tell people what the fuck that is. 0.94

00:46:11.000 Well, basically, you know, running a prison is a business. 0.99

00:46:14.000 What people don't know is that a huge percentage of the prisons in this country are private.

00:46:19.000 They're owned.

00:46:19.000 They're companies.

00:46:20.000 And they profit.

00:46:21.000 They make money off of how many people are in prison.

00:46:23.000 I mean, to even hear that and think that somehow that got passed and they allowed that.

00:46:29.000 And we were talking about slavery earlier.

00:46:30.000 I mean, how is that any different than owning people? 1.00

00:46:32.000 Yeah, they fucked up before they became slaves. 1.00

00:46:34.000 But then once they fucked up, they became slaves. 1.00

00:46:37.000 And you're making money off of them. 1.00

00:46:38.000 You make money off of them being in there.

00:46:40.000 You charge more based on how many are in there.

00:46:43.000 I heard this statistic.

00:46:44.000 There are now more black people in prison than there were slaves.

00:46:49.000 Now, I don't know if that's true or not.

00:46:51.000 Oh, it's true, yeah.

00:46:51.000 Yeah, I read that.

00:46:52.000 Yeah.

00:46:52.000 So, I mean, and like how many of those people in prison are there for doing something really awful?

00:46:59.000 Like what's the percentage of violent crimes versus nonviolent offenders?

00:47:03.000 And then, because like the people who are in there for like rape and... 0.99

00:47:07.000 Beating people and doing crazy shit. 1.00

00:47:09.000 Of course, they should be behind bars. 1.00

00:47:10.000 There needs to be some justice invoked because some people can't defend themselves, obviously.

00:47:14.000 But people are in jail because they smoke some weed in their car.

00:47:20.000 This is not all prisons, though, right?

00:47:22.000 Because, I mean, aren't they always saying that prisons are turning away people because, you know, they just don't have enough...

00:47:28.000 Some of them are really proud, but there's a lot.

00:47:29.000 There's, like, county prisons, and there's different prisons.

00:47:32.000 You know, I don't know what percentage.

00:47:34.000 It's not all prisons.

00:47:35.000 All of them are private.

00:47:36.000 Yeah, as I was going to say, it couldn't be.

00:47:37.000 But it's a huge number.

00:47:38.000 It's a huge number.

00:47:39.000 And they're making new ones all the time.

00:47:41.000 When the economy goes south, man, people start going to crime.

00:47:45.000 It's just how it goes.

00:47:46.000 I mean, it's normal. 0.98

00:47:47.000 I don't know what the increase in crime has been since the economy went to shit, but it's got to be a couple percent or something. 0.97

00:47:53.000 I mean, it's just what happens. 0.97

00:47:54.000 And that, to them, that's numbers.

00:47:56.000 Dollar-dollar bills, y'all.

00:47:57.000 Stuff them in those cages and start raking in the cash.

00:48:00.000 It's just so weird to know that that's a real thing.

00:48:03.000 Well, I mean, it's a form of vampirism. 0.96

00:48:07.000 You're basically sucking people's life energies out of them, converting it into money, and then using that money to buy nice things for your beautiful wife.

00:48:17.000 I can't tell you how much I'm disappointed in Obama as a spokesman, as a representative of us.

00:48:24.000 I don't know what's going on in the world.

00:48:26.000 I don't know exactly what happened with Osama bin Laden or any of this, why we're bombing Pakistan, why we're involved in...

00:48:33.000 I don't know.

00:48:34.000 Who knows? 0.98

00:48:35.000 Mike, for our own benefit, how come this motherfucker, a guy who came from a single mom, how come he can't step up and figure out some way to get people to put funding into horrible neighborhoods to try to make the system better, to try to get more cops into those neighborhoods, 0.98

00:48:53.000 to try to get more teachers into the schools that are more qualified, to pay them more, to set up community outreach programs for kids who don't have fathers, and set up like You know, mentoring things, you know, like local clubs where they can play sports and, you know, they can have friends and where they have something to fucking look forward to and you will create an infinitely better country. 0.98

00:49:14.000 Right.

00:49:14.000 Infinitely better.

00:49:15.000 Because our number one problem is people who suck. 1.00

00:49:18.000 And a lot of people who suck just needed love. 1.00

00:49:21.000 They needed something. 0.99

00:49:22.000 They needed guidance. 0.99

00:49:23.000 And I'm not saying we're supposed to be nanny state in the world, but I am saying there's a certain amount of people that are born in this country for sure are going to be fucked. 0.98

00:49:33.000 Why can't we help them? 0.95

00:49:34.000 If you really wanted to make this world better, wouldn't that be one of the first things you do? 0.98

00:49:38.000 And in comparison to how much fucking money we spend just blowing shit up in a bunch of places where we're never going to go, compared to that, the fucking money would be nothing. 0.97

00:49:49.000 There's an article in Salon.com which addresses the point you're saying. 0.99

00:49:52.000 It's there today, I believe, that says that instead of the money it cost us to kill bin Laden, it would have paid for college and free health care for everyone in the country.

00:50:02.000 God!

00:50:04.000 It just doesn't seem right. 1.00

00:50:05.000 It's so fucked up. 0.99

00:50:07.000 But it's true. 0.99

00:50:07.000 It's just because the military-industrial complex has a huge influence on what happens in this country. 0.99

00:50:12.000 It's what Eisenhower warned about when he left office in that famous speech.

00:50:16.000 And that's just the way it goes, man.

00:50:18.000 It is the reality. 0.72

00:50:19.000 And that reality, despite WikiLeaks, despite anything that gets released about any fucked up thing that happens in the world, it still seems to keep moving in the same direction.

00:50:27.000 It doesn't seem to be any changing.

00:50:30.000 Yeah, it definitely doesn't.

00:50:31.000 I mean, well, you can't change.

00:50:33.000 I mean, the way to change it, it almost changed.

00:50:36.000 It almost changed. 0.78

00:50:37.000 The summer of love, when people were fucking blasted on psychedelics, things were changing. 0.92

00:50:43.000 There was a shift, man. 0.92

00:50:45.000 There was a real shift happening. 1.00

00:50:46.000 Then everybody got on speed and the shit became illegal. 1.00

00:50:49.000 And now we're all self-absorbed lunatics. 1.00

00:50:54.000 We're all individually only taking care of ourselves.

00:50:57.000 Our minds are focused 100% on getting to work on time.

00:51:02.000 And that's one of the fun...

00:51:03.000 One of the most interesting things to do during rush hour is look around at all the people in the cars and you'll just see people in a dream sleepwalking.

00:51:10.000 They're all asleep and the dream they're living in is that they're the only person on the planet.

00:51:14.000 That's all there is.

00:51:15.000 Just them.

00:51:16.000 Nothing else.

00:51:17.000 And we've all trained ourselves to not even look at each other.

00:51:19.000 To not even say hello.

00:51:21.000 You want to freak somebody out these days, all you have to do is go say good morning.

00:51:25.000 In Los Angeles.

00:51:26.000 I don't know, man.

00:51:27.000 It's completely different, man.

00:51:28.000 When I went back to Columbus, Ohio, it was just like high, high everywhere I went.

00:51:32.000 But go to an airport.

00:51:34.000 Columbus is super friendly.

00:51:35.000 I'm saying there's a program thing inside of us that we're not acknowledging each other at the level that we need to.

00:51:43.000 And the Internet's changed that to some degree.

00:51:45.000 It's opened up more lines of dialogue between people.

00:51:48.000 But one of...

00:51:49.000 So what I'm saying is the reason this isn't changing is because we're not changing.

00:51:53.000 We're moving more and more into ourselves instead of connecting with people around us.

00:51:58.000 And during the 60s psychedelics, we all know they have an effect that causes a kind of weird empathy to come into your mind.

00:52:08.000 And a weird connection can happen when you're around people and you feel connected to the whole universe.

00:52:14.000 You feel like, I'm not just me.

00:52:16.000 I'm a representative of an infinite field of energy.

00:52:20.000 And people have forgotten this.

00:52:22.000 And so, because of that, we're all living like...

00:52:24.000 People are learning it again.

00:52:25.000 I think right now, more so than any time in my life, I hear psychedelic discussion more than at any time in my life.

00:52:31.000 This is a big, big, big, big, big, big, big difference between now and, say, when I started comedy, like 1994, people would occasionally joke about doing mushrooms.

00:52:41.000 What is he doing?

00:52:41.000 Mushrooms?

00:52:42.000 Ha ha ha!

00:52:42.000 Yeah.

00:52:43.000 You know, but no one was like coming home with trip reports.

00:52:46.000 You know, Chris Marcus, our buddy Chris from The Flashlight, he went on a little vacation the other day and was telling me how beautiful it was.

00:52:52.000 And, you know, you come back as a better person, man.

00:52:55.000 You come back as literally, like I said this on stage about the guy who's got those billboards.

00:53:01.000 It says, May 21st, Jesus is coming. 0.99

00:53:03.000 And I'm like, on May 22nd, we're going to find that fuck and we're going to force feed him mushrooms. 0.99

00:53:07.000 And I'm like, because Jesus is coming. 1.00

00:53:09.000 You can see Jesus.

00:53:10.000 You can see Jesus and Buddha and Santa Claus.

00:53:14.000 You can see anything that anyone ever thought of, ever, plus stuff you could have never imagined.

00:53:20.000 You can see Jesus.

00:53:21.000 You literally can see Jesus.

00:53:23.000 Take seven grams.

00:53:24.000 Take seven grams of mushrooms.

00:53:26.000 You'll see Jesus.

00:53:27.000 Don't they say in the Bible that there's going to be many false prophets and that no one will ever know the day it's just going to come?

00:53:33.000 Yeah.

00:53:33.000 You know what else they said?

00:53:34.000 Women are second-class citizens and they condone slavery. 1.00

00:53:36.000 The Bible's a silly book. 0.99

00:53:38.000 You know, everybody would go crazy about the Bible, man, but it's in the Bible. 0.97

00:53:41.000 I live my life by the Bible, but I'm...

00:53:43.000 Listen, here's the bottom line about the Bible. 1.00

00:53:45.000 You're not even reading the Bible, stupid. 0.99

00:53:46.000 What you're reading is a version of the Bible that was translated first into Latin, then into Greek, The ancient Hebrew version of the Bible, they don't even know all the words. 1.00

00:53:56.000 They only know a certain percentage of the words in ancient Hebrew.

00:54:00.000 Like, they literally don't know what the words mean.

00:54:02.000 And part of it's because letters were also numbers in ancient Hebrew.

00:54:05.000 Like, the letter A is also the number one.

00:54:08.000 So, like, there's a certain numerical value to words that we don't understand.

00:54:14.000 Right.

00:54:15.000 The interpretation is the worst version of the grapevine ever. 0.96

00:54:19.000 And on top of that, the oldest version of the Bible, which is the Dead Sea Scrolls, is so fucking crazy that they don't even use it. 0.98

00:54:28.000 It's just so filled with these vague stories of trips and UFOs and visitations and all sorts of nutty shit. 0.96

00:54:36.000 That doesn't work. 0.87

00:54:37.000 According to John Marco Allegro, what the Dead Sea Scrolls was all about was them hiding their history of psychedelic mushroom use.

00:54:44.000 And they were trying to hide it from the Romans in stories. 0.76

00:54:47.000 And the older you go back in these stories, the more you get to the original version of the story.

00:54:51.000 And that's what it was all about. 0.51

00:54:53.000 These guys were tripping their balls off, and it totally makes sense. 1.00

00:54:55.000 If you were a bunch of idiots that was living 7,000 years ago, or whatever the fuck they were, and you're living with your stupid leather shoes that got all sewn on you, and you got some goofy-ass hemp clothing on, You know, you're a dope. 1.00

00:55:08.000 You don't know what's going on. 1.00

00:55:09.000 You look at the stars every night.

00:55:10.000 You wonder when the gods are going to rain fire from the sky.

00:55:13.000 And then you've stumbled across some mushrooms.

00:55:16.000 And you ate them.

00:55:17.000 And ate way too many.

00:55:19.000 And had some insane, super psychedelic, wind tunnel, vortex, tornado experience.

00:55:27.000 Where the whole universe is like a giant ball of yarn.

00:55:31.000 And each strand of the ball is like...

00:55:34.000 Hyper-segmented with billions of planets and lives and trees and water.

00:55:39.000 And you can see that for five or six hours and then come back. 1.00

00:55:42.000 You're not going to want the Romans to know about that shit, man. 1.00

00:55:46.000 You're going to want to hide all that stuff. 1.00

00:55:47.000 That's what the Bible really is.

00:55:50.000 What the Bible is, is a trip report.

00:55:52.000 Yeah.

00:55:52.000 That's what the Bible is.

00:55:54.000 And that's really important, man.

00:55:55.000 And that's an important thing for people to know.

00:55:58.000 And that's, I think, where things have gone wrong. 0.88

00:56:03.000 Because one cool thing about the people who wrote the Dead Sea Scrolls, whoever the fuck they were, is that they were courageous enough to try to express that experience as though it were a reality. 0.75

00:56:14.000 And now, when people take a psychedelic, they mark it off as... 0.81

00:56:19.000 Some kind of dream or an imaginary thing that happened to them that's not real.

00:56:24.000 So they pretend that this alternate dimension that seems to exist and exactly on top of ours and is filled with hyperdimensional, super intelligent Beings that throughout time have been called aliens or angels or elves or dwarfs or whatever the fact that these people tried to articulate that.

00:56:46.000 They tried to bring something back from that place here. 0.95

00:56:49.000 And just the effect of bringing a close linguistic description of that place onto this planet Look at the fucking change it caused. 0.99

00:56:58.000 It created a religion. 0.98

00:56:59.000 We date time based on that.

00:57:02.000 The way we look at time is after Jesus' birth.

00:57:05.000 All that stuff.

00:57:06.000 It's like the power that comes from being able to swim out into the hypersonic waters of the psychedelic experience. 1.00

00:57:16.000 Keep your fucking head about you. 1.00

00:57:18.000 Look at what you're seeing. 1.00

00:57:19.000 Try to understand it in a logical way instead of being like, I'm partying!

00:57:24.000 Try to understand it.

00:57:25.000 What is this?

00:57:26.000 Is this a projection of what's inside of you?

00:57:28.000 Or are you seeing something that's really there?

00:57:30.000 And if you're seeing something that's really there, what are those symbols you're looking at?

00:57:34.000 What are those?

00:57:35.000 Is that Mayan?

00:57:36.000 Is that Sanskrit?

00:57:37.000 What is that?

00:57:38.000 And the more you try to understand that and really get the message, because there is a message over there.

00:57:43.000 We've all heard it.

00:57:44.000 You've heard it.

00:57:44.000 I've heard it.

00:57:45.000 The message is...

00:57:47.000 The universe loves you.

00:57:48.000 And you're fine.

00:57:50.000 And everything's gonna be fine.

00:57:52.000 Don't be scared.

00:57:53.000 Try to spread love.

00:57:55.000 Be positive.

00:57:56.000 Embrace the world. 1.00

00:57:58.000 Embrace your fucking neighbors. 1.00

00:58:00.000 And let go of the fear that's ruining your life. 1.00

00:58:03.000 That's the message.

00:58:04.000 That message gets interpreted in a bunch of different ways.

00:58:06.000 Buddhism, Christianity, whatever.

00:58:08.000 But it's not like people are supposed to stop bringing that message back.

00:58:12.000 That's the thing.

00:58:13.000 Well, people don't want to accept that that's where that message comes from.

00:58:16.000 There's a lot of people, when you connect something to the idea of it coming from a mushroom or any type of drug, ayahuasca, whatever, it inherently devalues the experience.

00:58:25.000 I didn't listen to it, but apparently, Robin Quivers from The Howard Stern Show went to Peru.

00:58:31.000 And I heard a lot of talk about it, but when I'm in my car, I never know what episode I'm listening to.

00:58:35.000 I didn't catch that one.

00:58:37.000 But apparently, she went to Peru to engage in an ayahuasca ceremony. 1.00

00:58:41.000 And they were giving her a hard time because she's like a vegan. 1.00

00:58:43.000 They're like, what, you won't even drink milk and you'll take this fucking shit? 1.00

00:58:46.000 Which is very funny. 1.00

00:58:47.000 But, you know, a lot of people, they were poo-pooing her experience.

00:58:51.000 And that experience, the ayahuasca experience, the mushroom experience, you know, everybody that is religious wants to believe in God.

00:59:00.000 What I'm telling you is I can show you something that...

00:59:05.000 Sure, you can meet what God is.

00:59:07.000 And I'm not saying it's God you're meeting, but you can meet what God is.

00:59:11.000 What God is, is perfect and all knowing and all embracing and loving and wise and constantly around you all the time.

00:59:18.000 Well, when you take mushrooms, that's what you feel.

00:59:21.000 That's what you feel.

00:59:22.000 You really feel God.

00:59:23.000 And I'm not saying that is God that you're communicating with or what God is.

00:59:27.000 Even the concept of God.

00:59:28.000 When you say God, all of a sudden it's this male hierarchy point of reference where you think of one alpha that controls all.

00:59:37.000 No way.

00:59:38.000 But it's not that.

00:59:39.000 God is more like everything.

00:59:42.000 It's like a super-dimensional glob of...

00:59:48.000 It's everything.

00:59:49.000 Brilliance and intelligence.

00:59:51.000 And also, it's constantly changing.

00:59:54.000 That's the other thing.

00:59:55.000 It's like trying to even talk about it.

00:59:57.000 It's like trying to talk about a spinning slot machine.

01:00:00.000 It's constantly morphing and shifting. 0.96

01:00:03.000 It's so fucking potent, whatever it is, that we're runoffs of it. 0.92

01:00:07.000 When you see water running down your windshield and streams of water will break into little... 0.97

01:00:13.000 Globs of water.

01:00:14.000 That's what we are.

01:00:15.000 We're just little broken-off globs of superintelligence that have taken on these personalities and think that we're individuals. 0.99

01:00:22.000 And you know what else breaks off in that fucking thing? 0.99

01:00:24.000 Elves. 0.99

01:00:25.000 Hyperdimensional things that aren't necessarily out to love you.

01:00:29.000 There are beings out there that are, I don't know, man, like superintelligent toddlers.

01:00:37.000 I think McKenna talked about it.

01:00:38.000 They're like baby god or something.

01:00:41.000 Okay.

01:00:41.000 Here's the devil's advocate point of view.

01:00:44.000 Please.

01:00:44.000 How do you not know that those thoughts, those demons, just represent thoughts in your mind?

01:00:51.000 And perhaps what that experience is entirely is you contacting your own thoughts and ideas and dreams and hopes and expression without the context of reality attached to them.

01:01:03.000 Sure.

01:01:03.000 So without the idea of, you know, what you did that you're embarrassed about that made you weird about your underwear when you were 13, you know, instead of that, maybe it manifests itself in almost a living thing.

01:01:17.000 Yeah, sure.

01:01:18.000 Projections. 0.97

01:01:19.000 So when you're saying there are beings out there that are fucking with you, maybe those are things that you've let grow in your mind.

01:01:24.000 Well, yeah, I mean, I think that that's the modern take on it, and I think that that's one useful handle to, like, grab a hold of an idea like that.

01:01:33.000 Have you considered that when you were in there?

01:01:35.000 You said you had experience recently.

01:01:37.000 Oh, like these are projection mechanisms?

01:01:39.000 Yeah, that what you're seeing, literally, is, like, that thoughts are live.

01:01:43.000 They're real things.

01:01:45.000 Look, have you ever heard the possibility, I mean the discussion rather, of the idea that aliens will come through the mind and that they're not going to manifest themselves in a real form and that when you think of the imagination or when you think of dreams and what we have is some weird slippery sort of experience that we can't completely control.

01:02:03.000 But what if that...

01:02:05.000 That dimension of dreams, that sleep dimension that you tap into when all your neurochemistry starts flowing between the blood-brain barrier while you're in heavy REM sleep.

01:02:13.000 What if that is in fact another dimension?

01:02:15.000 What if that is in fact a world and that is where aliens will contact you through?

01:02:19.000 They will contact you through this spiritual dimension instead of a physical dimension.

01:02:24.000 Well, if that's the case, and if you think about taking mushrooms and these elves show up, it is possible that negative things that you've created in your own life Shitty choices or bad energy that you've set forth and then nurtured and repressed and put it down and tried to deny it and all these different things that people do to sort of rationalize creepy things that they do in their lives.

01:02:46.000 What if those things manifest themselves as living organisms in the free pool of your mind? 0.54

01:02:52.000 Yeah, you know, that's actually, I think, fucking Carl Jung said that exact same thing that you just said. 0.92

01:02:57.000 I met Carl Jung this weekend. 0.98

01:02:59.000 No, you didn't.

01:03:00.000 I met a crazy guy who took 6.8 grams of mushrooms and told me he was Carl Jung.

01:03:04.000 Ha ha ha!

01:03:05.000 This guy comes up to me and he goes, I need to talk to you.

01:03:09.000 I have information that I'm sure you don't know about.

01:03:11.000 I go, how can you be sure?

01:03:12.000 And he goes, I just know, I just know, I just know. 1.00

01:03:14.000 I tried to talk to Brian Redband about it, but he replied to my email with some stupid joke. 0.98

01:03:19.000 I go, that sounds like Brian. 0.99

01:03:21.000 I want to give you knuckles for that. 0.98

01:03:23.000 And then homeboy goes, I really, I've been doing psychedelic research.

01:03:26.000 I need to get this information for you.

01:03:28.000 Listen, it's going to sound crazy.

01:03:29.000 I used to be in another life.

01:03:30.000 I was Carl Jung.

01:03:32.000 I go, how can you be sure?

01:03:33.000 And he goes, I've seen things that you've never seen.

01:03:35.000 I go, how can you know that? 0.99

01:03:37.000 This is ridiculous. 0.99

01:03:38.000 You're too confident, son. 0.99

01:03:39.000 Get out of here.

01:03:40.000 And I kicked him out of there.

01:03:41.000 I remember that guy.

01:03:42.000 Do you remember him?

01:03:43.000 Yeah, I got to find that email.

01:03:44.000 That's crazy.

01:03:45.000 I talked about him on the podcast on the plane with Sam Tripoli. 0.98

01:03:48.000 I did, but that podcast might suck.

01:03:49.000 I'm not even going to release it. 1.00

01:03:50.000 I might not release it because we were both hungover and tired and we're talking about stupid shit. 0.99

01:03:54.000 So I'm not sure. 1.00

01:03:55.000 I'm still hungover from fucking Joey Diaz giving me a banana cake. 0.95

01:03:59.000 Yeah, I got a text from Brian in capital letters. 0.99

01:04:01.000 Do not eat Joey Diaz's banana bread.

01:04:05.000 You can never eat edible marijuana that Joey Diaz gives you.

01:04:09.000 Unless you have Thorzine on hand, don't take that stuff.

01:04:12.000 Unless you have a big hypodermic filled with adrenaline that you can stuff into your chest.

01:04:16.000 Stick in your jugular vein.

01:04:19.000 Joey Diaz once gave me some breath strips.

01:04:24.000 I guess this was the first time I'd taken breath strips.

01:04:26.000 He was like, eat two of these.

01:04:29.000 I'm like...

01:04:31.000 Did he really tell you to do it?

01:04:33.000 I don't tell anybody ever to take more than a quarter.

01:04:36.000 I hold their hand.

01:04:37.000 I go, dude, listen to me, bro.

01:04:38.000 Listen to me.

01:04:39.000 I love you.

01:04:39.000 Don't take more than a quarter.

01:04:41.000 I think Joey likes to torture people.

01:04:42.000 Knowing Joey Diaz, that's what I did.

01:04:45.000 I only took half of one of these knowing him.

01:04:47.000 And I was driving home on the interstate and was like, well, it's definitely the apocalypse.

01:04:55.000 The world is ending.

01:04:56.000 I see that clearly now.

01:04:57.000 I'm in the last days.

01:04:59.000 And there was a McDonald's.

01:05:02.000 And I was going to stop my car and run to the McDonald's to get a burger because traffic wasn't moving.

01:05:07.000 That's how bad the logic was working in my mind. 0.99

01:05:10.000 I'll just get a fucking... 0.99

01:05:11.000 I know I can make it there to get a Diet Coke and back. 0.99

01:05:14.000 But anyway, I get home.

01:05:15.000 I'm having the most terrible marijuana trip.

01:05:18.000 I'm laying in bed.

01:05:19.000 I'm like, oh my God, the world's in my heart's pounding.

01:05:21.000 Phone rings.

01:05:22.000 Phone rings.

01:05:23.000 Joey Diaz. 1.00

01:05:24.000 I answer and he's like, welcome to my house, motherfucker. 1.00

01:05:27.000 So he thought you took all two of them? 1.00

01:05:35.000 No, he knew the only ticket recorded?

01:05:37.000 Yeah, I suppose he just surmised that... 0.99

01:05:39.000 He's so crazy.

01:05:40.000 One of his buddies got the Listerine's acid thing and there was like a few of them in there and I guess they all melted together.

01:05:46.000 Do you remember that?

01:05:47.000 I did that...

01:05:48.000 I did that once.

01:05:49.000 And the guy took like a bunch of them.

01:05:51.000 He never did.

01:05:52.000 He never smoked weed.

01:05:53.000 He never ate weed.

01:05:54.000 And it was like his first time trying it.

01:05:56.000 So Joey gave him some.

01:05:57.000 And there was like a lot in there.

01:05:59.000 And they had melted together into one.

01:06:00.000 He had a massive panic attack.

01:06:01.000 Yeah, I think the guy called in the ambulance.

01:06:03.000 Yeah, he called 911. He had a panic attack.

01:06:05.000 Yeah.

01:06:05.000 See, that's the thing, man.

01:06:06.000 There needs to be a special 911. Like when you press a button on your phone, when you get directed, like, have you eaten edible marijuana?

01:06:14.000 Yes.

01:06:15.000 Beep!

01:06:15.000 And then it takes you and it's just someone who can calm you down.

01:06:18.000 It's just music songs.

01:06:20.000 What people don't realize is that there's cannabinoid receptors in your mind that are established for two things.

01:06:26.000 They come out during runner's high and some other things, but also they're there to receive marijuana. 0.99

01:06:32.000 To receive all the shit that's in marijuana. 0.99

01:06:35.000 Marijuana easily could be responsible for human behavioral development. 1.00

01:06:40.000 Sure.

01:06:40.000 We could have, a long time ago, have had some sort of a symbiotic relationship with marijuana.

01:06:45.000 I mean, you look at the characteristics that it's all about, like, being loving.

01:06:49.000 It makes people kinder and friendlier and sillier and less threatening and more insecure.

01:06:55.000 So it makes you, like, less cocky.

01:06:57.000 You know, it's all, like, good things for society.

01:06:59.000 You know, and the human use of it has gone.

01:07:02.000 I was at this, oh, God, I've got to tell you about this.

01:07:04.000 I know the history of cannabis because I was at a place in Toronto. 1.00

01:07:07.000 I went to this nutty fucking place. 1.00

01:07:10.000 It is Valhalla for pothead comedians. 1.00

01:07:13.000 It's a head shop and in the back room they have a comedy club.

01:07:17.000 Oh, cool.

01:07:17.000 Dude.

01:07:18.000 It's called...

01:07:18.000 I probably shouldn't say what it's called.

01:07:20.000 I think it's on the DL. But anyway, you go there and they have this big thing, the history of cannabis, 4,000 years old evidence of cannabis use in China and it goes like throughout human history, how long people have been using marijuana and they're selling bongs, they're selling like pipes and shit. 0.96

01:07:34.000 And then you go into the back room and they have a comedy club.

01:07:37.000 That's cool.

01:07:38.000 They have a comedy club, dude.

01:07:39.000 And you go on stage and everyone...

01:07:41.000 I went on stage and sparked up a joint immediately when I got it.

01:07:43.000 It's a full hot box.

01:07:44.000 You can't see the back of the room.

01:07:46.000 It's filled with weed smoke.

01:07:48.000 And the whole time I was on stage, I did like an hour.

01:07:50.000 The whole time I'm up there, dudes are hitting the bong.

01:07:53.000 And they're passing joints. 0.99

01:07:55.000 And it's fucking crazy. 0.99

01:07:57.000 Was it too much? 0.99

01:07:58.000 Like too much smoke?

01:07:58.000 Way too much.

01:07:59.000 My voice...

01:08:00.000 That's one of the reasons why I'm coughing today, I think.

01:08:02.000 I'm just breathing in that...

01:08:04.000 Sam totally lost his voice almost.

01:08:07.000 He's like... 1.00

01:08:08.000 Yeah, that motherfucker needs ventilation, for sure. 1.00

01:08:11.000 But my voice was really hot and red. 0.99

01:08:14.000 It didn't affect me the next night when I did the UFC. It didn't bother me at all.

01:08:17.000 But it was hot and I remember getting out of there going, God, I've got to go outside and breathe.

01:08:21.000 And then the cool air.

01:08:23.000 I mean, literally, there was no oxygen in the room.

01:08:25.000 It was just pot smoke. 0.99

01:08:26.000 It was fucking crazy. 0.98

01:08:27.000 And the way Toronto is right now, apparently there's some sort of a situation where... 0.98

01:08:31.000 They had a law to make it illegal, but the law was ruled unconstitutional.

01:08:35.000 So now, in the 90 days between the next revision of the law, it's basically in limbo.

01:08:41.000 So it's like...

01:08:42.000 It's legal.

01:08:42.000 Pot's sort of legal.

01:08:44.000 Sort of.

01:08:44.000 You know what I mean?

01:08:45.000 Like, they could probably bust your balls if they wanted to and lock you up. 0.99

01:08:48.000 You know, who knows? 1.00

01:08:50.000 Dude, did they, at the history of marijuana thing, did they talk about the white mummies in China?

01:08:56.000 White mummies? 0.97

01:08:57.000 What is that?

01:08:57.000 No.

01:08:58.000 In fucking... 1.00

01:08:59.000 China, they found these white mummies, Caucasian mummies. 1.00

01:09:05.000 Oh, yeah.

01:09:05.000 You know about that?

01:09:06.000 They had blonde hair and they had fucking weed on them. 1.00

01:09:09.000 Yes, yes. 1.00

01:09:09.000 And they were tall. 1.00

01:09:10.000 Yeah, tall, Caucasian mummies. 1.00

01:09:13.000 Yeah, with marijuana.

01:09:14.000 What year was that dated to?

01:09:16.000 Um... 0.57

01:09:17.000 I was like, I don't know, I'll fuck it up. 0.98

01:09:19.000 Marijuana on them? 0.99

01:09:20.000 3,000 years.

01:09:21.000 It was a long, long time ago.

01:09:22.000 But the funny thing is, on the internet you can look it up, there's a National Geographic thing about these mummies, and there's a scientist being like, I don't like saying this, but...

01:09:34.000 There was marijuana on those mummies. 0.99

01:09:37.000 What a fool. 1.00

01:09:39.000 What a fool he is. 1.00

01:09:40.000 I don't like saying that. 1.00

01:09:41.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:09:43.000 Why are people so reluctant to admit the positive effects that all these, or the effects, the need that people have for all these different intoxicants?

01:09:54.000 Why is it so mainstream to dismiss it? 0.98

01:09:58.000 Is that some Nancy Reagan shit that's still left over? 0.99

01:10:00.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:10:00.000 Well, I think it's older than that. 0.99

01:10:02.000 I mean, God, isn't it like the people who came over here in the beginning were super religious, and they had all these ideas about sex and intoxication that were really super strict, and were their distant ancestors,

01:10:17.000 and somehow that line of guilt still remains, where if people are like, I only drink after 5 p.m., I only smoke marijuana after 4.20, They said all these things because you're not supposed to be in an intoxicated state more than a little bit.

01:10:35.000 And if you are, then you've got a drug problem.

01:10:37.000 I must have a drug problem.

01:10:39.000 Isn't it possible that not all drugs are exactly the same?

01:10:45.000 Isn't it possible that you don't put everything under the umbrella of drugs?

01:10:49.000 So what's holding it back?

01:10:50.000 Do you think the people that are holding it back...

01:10:52.000 I've always said no one needs pot more than the guy who wants pot to be illegal.

01:10:56.000 Right.

01:10:57.000 You know, no one needs acid more than the guy who wants to make acid elite.

01:11:00.000 Sure.

01:11:00.000 No one needs mushrooms.

01:11:01.000 You know, down the line.

01:11:02.000 It's so simple.

01:11:03.000 So how is it still in a situation the way it is in today, in 2011, with all the information that we have, it still never gets stopped?

01:11:11.000 And there's a feeling of helplessness about that.

01:11:13.000 Well, you know, they have reopened tests into MDMA and psilocybin, the Multidisciplinary Association of Psychedelic Studies.

01:11:21.000 You can go to their website.

01:11:24.000 They're doing federally approved testing with MDMA for people with… Post-traumatic stress disorder.

01:11:32.000 Yeah, which I think is a great thing.

01:11:34.000 And I think it's going to be extremely beneficial, especially MDMA. There's a lot of really positive results with that.

01:11:39.000 I think psilocybin gets a little squirrely.

01:11:42.000 If you've had some horrific experiences abroad, I wouldn't recommend psilocybin.

01:11:47.000 If someone asked me what's the drug of choice, I would not say psilocybin.

01:11:50.000 They're not using that to treat post-traumatic stress disorder.

01:11:53.000 Especially if you might have done something you're not really entirely happy about.

01:11:56.000 You know what they're using it for?

01:11:58.000 What?

01:11:59.000 Terminal illness.

01:12:00.000 Those are the experiments that they've been doing where they give psilocybin to people who have late-stage cancer and it helps them overcome death-related anxiety because you take it You take synthetic psilocybin, which I would love to try, which is so much better than apparently regular.

01:12:19.000 Actually, I think that you're supposed to say psilocybin, because it's easier to dose out.

01:12:25.000 When you're eating mushrooms, it's not like each mushroom has an exact certain amount of psilocybin.

01:12:31.000 I wonder if the trip is this name.

01:12:33.000 I don't know.

01:12:34.000 You know, the speculation about psychedelic trips is that the more people take the psychedelic trip, the more potent the psychedelic is.

01:12:42.000 So, like, that was the thing with ketamine.

01:12:45.000 McKenna always talked about how ketamine seemed like nobody had been there yet.

01:12:50.000 Like, you did this psychedelic experience and you got there.

01:12:52.000 He said, describe it as like a giant office building, but all the cubicles are empty.

01:12:57.000 You know what I mean?

01:12:59.000 MySpace.

01:12:59.000 Right.

01:13:00.000 MySpace 2011. Whereas mushrooms, it's like you are diving into a giant, rich river of human history.

01:13:08.000 And it's all together. 0.99

01:13:10.000 All in one gigantic fucking soup. 0.98

01:13:13.000 And you're going to add your trip to this huge pool of trips. 0.99

01:13:16.000 But you know, the way they're doing these tests, you know, is so fucking cool.

01:13:21.000 And I would so love to have this. 0.59

01:13:24.000 They have people laid out on a bed and they have sitting on either side of them psychotherapists.

01:13:30.000 So while you're going into the ecstasy experience or while you're going into the mushroom experience, you have these people who are there to talk to you. 0.89

01:13:38.000 So that when you say, man, there's fucking super intelligent toddlers swimming through my body and mocking my thoughts, they could say, oh, let's talk about that.

01:13:48.000 What do you think those things are? 0.99

01:13:50.000 When you see them, describe them to me.

01:13:52.000 Or if you don't want to talk, if you just want to be by yourself, they leave you alone.

01:13:56.000 But they guide you through the experience.

01:13:58.000 It's kind of like Western shamanism.

01:14:00.000 But have they had the experience themselves, or are they just sort of a neutered bystander? 0.99

01:14:06.000 You know, I think if they have had the experience, I don't think that they're going to announce that, because it's such a strict fucking thing.

01:14:15.000 And just the fact that they're letting them reopen tests since, I believe, October 6th, 1966, was when LSD was made completely federally illegal, and all testing on psychedelics was brought to a halt, bringing us into a kind of... 0.83

01:14:30.000 Pharmacological dark age where nobody could fucking even experiment with the substances.

01:14:35.000 To find out what it is. 0.90

01:14:37.000 Meanwhile, you could get strychnine and pull it out of a plant and no one's ever going to bat an eye. 0.99

01:14:41.000 Meanwhile, you have people getting CAT scans and their fucking brain looks like the surface of the moon because they've been slurping back shitty club ecstasy and God knows what the fuck that is. 0.99

01:14:51.000 They haven't been taking pure pharmaceutical grade chemicals, which is what you should only take that when you're taking a hallucinogen. 0.99

01:14:58.000 Do you think that this idea of a trip, like when you take mushrooms, that you're entering into, accumulation of trips throughout human history, does that make sense to you?

01:15:07.000 And if that does make sense, then is the psilocybin that's chemically produced or that's artificially produced, does that bring it to the same place?

01:15:15.000 Yeah, I bet it does.

01:15:16.000 And it's just a radio frequency. 0.99

01:15:19.000 One tunes you in two different ways, maybe slightly different, but it's like you're still tuning into the same fucking station. 0.68

01:15:25.000 And I... And also, you know, the different tests that they did, for example, the Good Friday experiment at Harvard where they gave psilocybin to people in the basement of a church and piped down the church music to see if it induced mystical states.

01:15:41.000 And the modern stuff Johns Hopkins is doing with the same exact purpose to see if you can create mystical experience.

01:15:48.000 The effects they're having, they had from that is like people...

01:15:51.000 From the Johns Hopkins experience, reporting a year later that their lives are better, they're more connected with their family, that they feel like life is more worth living, their anxiety is decreased.

01:16:03.000 There's really positive results from it.

01:16:06.000 A lot of it's probably like, you know, when you're in your DNA, like, yeah, I have my grandfather's nose and stuff like that, like the history of your own DNA. So, like, maybe mushrooms lets you kind of tap the history of your DNA some way, like the memories of your ancestors.

01:16:20.000 It's probably, yeah, it's probably information, you know?

01:16:22.000 I mean, when you look at instincts, like a lot of instincts are set up just to protect you. 0.95

01:16:27.000 You know, from shit that's happened to people in the past.

01:16:30.000 And it's become, you know, a part of the human instinct, like, category, or catalog, rather, that you have in your mind. 0.98

01:16:37.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

01:16:38.000 You know, like the reason why people are afraid of monsters.

01:16:40.000 You know, little kids that grow up in cities are scared of monsters.

01:16:44.000 Well, the reason why is because when we were monkeys, jaguars used to eat people.

01:16:48.000 That's why you're scared to go out at night.

01:16:49.000 Why are you scared to go out at night? 1.00

01:16:50.000 Because the predators were fucking hunting you at night, man. 1.00

01:16:53.000 You got eaten. 1.00

01:16:54.000 When they look at a lot of the early hominid skulls, a lot of them show signs of predation by big cats.

01:17:01.000 That's what we're scared of.

01:17:02.000 So that monster, that flash in a child's mind of big teeth and big scary beasts. 1.00

01:17:07.000 That shit's ingrained in the memory, man. 1.00

01:17:09.000 There's something in there from one monkey a billion years ago or whatever that saw another monkey get jacked by a cat, you know? 1.00

01:17:16.000 Well, and also, that's why dogs are so excited when you come home.

01:17:19.000 Because, like, back when people first started domesticating dogs, if you went out on a hunting trip, there's, like, a good chance you were just going to get killed.

01:17:28.000 Like, coming home used to be a much bigger deal, you That's why your dog's like, you survived!

01:17:34.000 He survived!

01:17:34.000 Thank God!

01:17:35.000 Thank God you survived!

01:17:36.000 Because a dog's still tuned. 1.00

01:17:37.000 Well, I mean, shit. 1.00

01:17:38.000 If my dog goes outside, it still might get eaten. 1.00

01:17:41.000 I'm a little chihuahua.

01:17:42.000 You know, I think one of the hardest things for us to really wrap our heads around is that we are just one frame in this infinite chapter.

01:17:50.000 And we're all trying to figure it out as it's going along.

01:17:54.000 We're all like trying to stop this ride.

01:17:56.000 Slow down.

01:17:57.000 Let me get a map of this.

01:17:58.000 Let me hold on, hold on, hold on.

01:18:00.000 Who's running the train?

01:18:01.000 Do we know who's running the train?

01:18:03.000 Can we slow the train down? 1.00

01:18:04.000 Shit! 1.00

01:18:05.000 Shit, do I hop off the train and watch it from the outside? 1.00

01:18:07.000 Let me stay on a little longer. 1.00

01:18:09.000 Where are we going?

01:18:10.000 What time is it?

01:18:10.000 Does anyone have the time?

01:18:11.000 We are all on this wild train ride and it's going to become someone else's train ride next life and it's going to keep going.

01:18:20.000 We're living and dying on this ride for as long as it takes.

01:18:24.000 Actually, the person on the train ride isn't you.

01:18:26.000 It's your DNA. And that's why it's always trying to get you to fuck. 1.00

01:18:30.000 Because it knows the train it's on is going off the tracks because you're going to die. 1.00

01:18:34.000 It's like you've You've got to make more!

01:18:36.000 You've got to make more!

01:18:37.000 I've got to get off this thing!

01:18:38.000 Eventually you're not going to last.

01:18:39.000 Well, no way!

01:18:41.000 Eventually, yeah.

01:18:41.000 We're all worm food, man.

01:18:43.000 There's no question about that.

01:18:45.000 Don't entertain the idea. 1.00

01:18:46.000 If you think you're not fucking dirt, then you're out of your mind. 0.99

01:18:51.000 Like, we're all doomed. 1.00

01:18:52.000 There's no way out of it.

01:18:53.000 We're all getting sucked into the future where we cease to exist.

01:18:56.000 Well, our bodies.

01:18:57.000 This body that you're rocking right now is not going to last.

01:18:59.000 Oh, our body, yeah.

01:19:00.000 I mean, what we really are.

01:19:01.000 Yeah, that thing goes on.

01:19:02.000 But who knows?

01:19:03.000 Is that true, though?

01:19:04.000 Who knows?

01:19:04.000 Everybody says, yeah, I know, but you don't know.

01:19:07.000 You don't know any more than you know that it does. 1.00

01:19:10.000 It's a fucking giant guessing game. 1.00

01:19:13.000 It's one of the most offensive things about religion, is that they pretend that they know something that is impossible to fucking know. 1.00

01:19:19.000 Can I just say... 1.00

01:19:20.000 It's just as ridiculous when hippies pretend that when they die, you will go into this interdimensional love. 0.99

01:19:27.000 You don't know. 0.98

01:19:28.000 You have no idea. 0.71

01:19:29.000 Can I please be the obnoxious hippie and be the hippie's advocate there and say Hippies advocate.

01:19:40.000 I think that, you know, the idea that people maybe have that you retain your personality when your body stops existing and you go into some kind of like new age paradise where you're flying around sipping honey out of the craters of heaven and after you're there for a certain amount of time you're like, you know what?

01:20:01.000 I think I want to go back to Earth and reincarnate as a kid with Down Syndrome.

01:20:05.000 I don't think that happens.

01:20:07.000 You know what I mean?

01:20:08.000 I don't think that that really happens because I don't believe that so many people on the Earth who maybe are born with disabilities or in incredibly difficult situations, it's hard for me to imagine someone at a super-dimensional spa being like, yeah, you know, I want to...

01:20:27.000 I think it's time for me to reincarnate as a blind person who can't walk and who, you know what I'm saying?

01:20:36.000 So that's silly.

01:20:37.000 And sorry for the too long explanation for that.

01:20:40.000 But I think that there is another thing that we are, no matter what, which is our consciousness.

01:20:47.000 And I think once the body ceases to exist, that consciousness continues to radiate inside of everything and through everything.

01:20:58.000 I'm not necessarily convinced that consciousness is not attached completely to being a biological entity.

01:21:07.000 One of the things about being a biological entity, being something with some sort of a You know, you have personal sovereignty.

01:21:15.000 You have the ability to control your own movement and destiny.

01:21:18.000 That's why consciousness, like the actual thought of consciousness as an entity, that's where it comes from.

01:21:24.000 It comes from the need to keep this one thing alive.

01:21:27.000 When you die and you become the next thing, if there is the next thing, it's very possible there will be no consciousness.

01:21:34.000 It's very possible that the idea of consciousness is some egocentric, ridiculous notion that you have to keep the idea of you.

01:21:41.000 But let's explore that.

01:21:42.000 When you aren't you.

01:21:43.000 When you are a drop in a river of information.

01:21:47.000 And that's what leaves this life.

01:21:50.000 And that there is no consciousness.

01:21:51.000 But that idea that you just said, this is an idea that is the...

01:21:56.000 Forgive me.

01:21:59.000 Atheists get really mad when you talk about atheism.

01:22:02.000 Some atheists can get very sensitive. 1.00

01:22:04.000 Atheists are just as silly as religious people. 1.00

01:22:06.000 But atheists have a ghost story. 1.00

01:22:07.000 They really are, aren't they?

01:22:08.000 Any organization.

01:22:09.000 But the atheist ghost story. 0.94

01:22:10.000 So Christians have a ghost story. 1.00

01:22:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:22:12.000 The Christian ghost story is hell. 1.00

01:22:14.000 The atheist ghost story is a different ghost story because an atheist will inevitably tell you, no, you don't understand, man. 1.00

01:22:22.000 When you die, everything stops.

01:22:26.000 There's nothing.

01:22:28.000 It's complete nothingness.

01:22:29.000 You can't comprehend it because there's no way to comprehend it because it's nothing.

01:22:33.000 And then they stop and they expect you to be like, oh my God, that's terrible.

01:22:38.000 But if you look at what Socrates said, which you guys should read because it's fucking hilarious and awesome, when he made what's called his apology because they wanted to execute him and make him drink hemlock.

01:22:48.000 In his response to their attempt to execute him, he said, okay, I tell you what, here's the deal. 0.99

01:22:54.000 If you kill me, And I die. 0.99

01:22:57.000 And there's nothing. 0.99

01:22:58.000 Like when I'm in my deepest sleep, and the deepest, deepest sleep, and there's just nothing at all, then you've given me paradise.

01:23:03.000 That's paradise. 0.92

01:23:04.000 Because this isn't exactly a fucking fun park here in early Athens. 0.97

01:23:09.000 And guess what? 0.99

01:23:10.000 being in complete non-existence for infinity might be better than having to like sneak around and fuck 14 year olds because I'm getting too old to catch them I can't catch these 14 year old Olympian athletes 0.98

01:23:29.000 And then the other thing he said to them is, if there is something after this, if I die, if you give me this stuff and there's some other thing and I continue to exist, then I'm going to keep doing what I was doing here. 0.97

01:23:42.000 Which was going around and embarrassing everybody with his mode of inquisition that essentially makes you realize that you don't know anything.

01:23:49.000 Well, have you ever heard the theory that every timeline, every life is repeated until you get it right?

01:23:56.000 And that what we're dealing with, this one timeline of this earth that you are listening to this podcast right now, you are a part of an infinite number of timelines that are all interwoven.

01:24:09.000 And that you go through this one, and then you come back until you get it right.

01:24:14.000 And you keep doing it until you have no shitty thoughts, until you have...

01:24:19.000 Nothing wrong, no personality defects, until you literally, ultimately achieve enlightenment.

01:24:25.000 Oh, can I add something?

01:24:26.000 That's the biggest hippie theory.

01:24:28.000 Well, I mean, you say it is, but the evidence states that the universe itself is fractal, okay?

01:24:34.000 And the latest findings about Big Bang, or about black holes, rather, is that inside every black hole exists the possibility of another universe.

01:24:43.000 That's the ultimate fractal, because we know that inside every galaxy is a black hole.

01:24:48.000 And if inside every galaxy there's a supermassive black hole, it's exactly one half of one percent of the mass of the galaxy.

01:24:54.000 And what the theory is, is that inside that black hole exists a whole other universe with hundreds of billions of galaxies, each with a black hole in the center of them, Each has hundreds of billions of galaxies inside of it, and it never ends.

01:25:08.000 And it literally is the ultimate fractal. 0.99

01:25:10.000 If that's the case, I don't think it's that preposterous that your silly little fucking life can be repeated over and over again. 1.00

01:25:16.000 You know, oh, I'm going to be Bob the Postman until I die. 1.00

01:25:19.000 No, no, no, no. 1.00

01:25:19.000 You're going to be a Bob the Postman for infinity, you motherfucker, until you get it right. 1.00

01:25:24.000 I don't think that's any more ridiculous than the idea that inside every black hole is another fucking universe. 1.00

01:25:29.000 I think it's... 0.99

01:25:30.000 The positive part, that's kind of ridiculous.

01:25:32.000 Until you're positive and you have no negative energy, that just sounds like... 0.99

01:25:35.000 If you can live your life without fucking it up, do you think that's possible?

01:25:40.000 There's a negative version of that idea that you just had.

01:25:43.000 And it's from Nietzsche.

01:25:45.000 And his idea is exactly the same thing.

01:25:48.000 It's called infinite return or something.

01:25:50.000 The law of infinite...

01:25:51.000 I can't remember the name of it.

01:25:51.000 But his idea isn't that when you get things right, then you get to move on.

01:25:57.000 His idea is no.

01:25:58.000 You don't get to get things right.

01:26:00.000 Everything just happens infinitely exactly the way it happened this time.

01:26:04.000 So, the amount of time in your life, if you are happier more than you are sad in your life, then you are in heaven.

01:26:09.000 And if you are in misery more than you are happier in your life, then you're in hell.

01:26:13.000 And that goes on forever.

01:26:15.000 And a deja vu...

01:26:16.000 That seems like a giant leap though.

01:26:17.000 If you can live this life over again, you're telling me that somehow or another, what kind of super order can have every car stop in the exact same spot, every red light be there when you get there, Rewind your DVD. Yeah.

01:26:30.000 Okay, so life is just a movie, and everything that's ever been done in your life is predetermined completely.

01:26:36.000 These are all thought experiments, by the way, and Nietzsche was using it more as a thought experiment.

01:26:42.000 All I'm saying is that it just requires this giant leap to think that everything's got to fall into place exactly the same way.

01:26:48.000 Well, it all goes back to the idea that you are...

01:26:50.000 You are the only person that you can prove has self-awareness.

01:26:54.000 You don't know that I have self-awareness.

01:26:56.000 You don't know that Brian has self-awareness.

01:26:59.000 So that's the idea.

01:27:01.000 You can't prove there's anyone else except you.

01:27:04.000 You like to think that we all have self-awareness.

01:27:07.000 You like to think that we're not projections of you, but it's possible That you're the universe in the very first phase of it's waking up and it's having this nervous breakdown where it projects this bizarre reality where you're like hosting a podcast and you host the UFC and you used to host Fear Factor.

01:27:27.000 I mean, doesn't it all seem kind of absurd, like a ridiculous weird dream?

01:27:30.000 Do you really think it's happening?

01:27:32.000 Well, that's the idea.

01:27:33.000 If everyone can individually do that same thing to them and look at your life and really think of all the coincidences And synchronicities that have happened in your life and all the bizarre events that maybe even just happened to you today.

01:27:46.000 You really think that that's all an accident?

01:27:49.000 You really think that this whole thing hasn't been planned out just for you?

01:27:53.000 Anyway, it's a narcissistic idea.

01:27:55.000 It is a narcissistic idea, and really, ultimately, it's just one of a million different possibilities.

01:28:00.000 And so to commit to any one of them, you know, it's just like the idea of you saying to atheists, being like, this is it, man.

01:28:06.000 When it's over, it's just darkness and emptiness forever.

01:28:10.000 Whoa. 0.97

01:28:11.000 The other atheist boogeyman is the guy who shoots people at the abortion clinic. 0.99

01:28:14.000 That's the other one. 0.99

01:28:15.000 Oh, yeah.

01:28:16.000 That guy. 1.00

01:28:17.000 No shit. 1.00

01:28:18.000 They're terrified of that guy. 1.00

01:28:19.000 But meanwhile, they're not terrified of a vacuum cleaner sucking babies out of pussies all day. 1.00

01:28:23.000 Baby brains. 1.00

01:28:24.000 Whoop, whoop, whoop. 0.99

01:28:25.000 Just shooting babies into the great beyond out of a vacuum cleaner.

01:28:29.000 Yeah.

01:28:29.000 At a specific spot every day.

01:28:31.000 Yeah.

01:28:32.000 That's your job.

01:28:33.000 Whoa.

01:28:33.000 That's a sad job.

01:28:35.000 Who the fuck... 1.00

01:28:35.000 That is a sad job. 1.00

01:28:36.000 You know, when I was growing up, I heard Bill Cosby for the first time, and I was like, man, comedy is fucking incredible.

01:28:42.000 This guy just made it where I can't breathe for the entire album.

01:28:46.000 Is there somebody who's like, mom comes home, and she's like, the abortion went all right, Larry.

01:28:52.000 And he's like...

01:28:53.000 One day I'll give abortions. 1.00

01:28:55.000 Who dreams of being an abortionist? 1.00

01:28:57.000 Yeah, that's something you sort of stumble on. 1.00

01:29:00.000 You know, you fuck this chick. 1.00

01:29:01.000 Craigslist ad. 1.00

01:29:02.000 You probably shouldn't have.

01:29:03.000 You get her pregnant. 1.00

01:29:04.000 How do we do this?

01:29:05.000 You get a medical textbook?

01:29:07.000 A vacuum cleaner?

01:29:09.000 Yeah, you go to school for it.

01:29:10.000 Say, this is never happening again. 1.00

01:29:11.000 Learn how to kill babies. 1.00

01:29:13.000 That's one of the top shitty jobs, man. 1.00

01:29:15.000 I mean, that's not a satisfying job. 0.98

01:29:17.000 Like, if you're someone who delivers babies, you come home and you're like, I delivered three babies today.

01:29:20.000 Life is beautiful.

01:29:22.000 What do you do when you come home as an abortion doctor? 0.99

01:29:24.000 You're like, I fucking sucked out 30 fetuses today. 1.00

01:29:28.000 Unless you hate babies, unless you're already some kind of psycho like that. 1.00

01:29:31.000 You're one step away from killing people, so you're an abortion doctor. 1.00

01:29:35.000 Oof, God. 0.99

01:29:36.000 Well, you know what, man?

01:29:37.000 It takes every kind of people.

01:29:39.000 I'm sure there's been one of those out there.

01:29:40.000 You know?

01:29:41.000 If you can speculate it, the millions and millions of humans in this country alone.

01:29:47.000 Like, what if you went to your abortion doctor and he had a dartboard with a fetus on it?

01:29:53.000 Or if his favorite TV show is Dexter or something.

01:29:55.000 He just hates fetuses.

01:29:57.000 They're terrible. 1.00

01:29:58.000 I just hate those fucking things. 1.00

01:29:59.000 They freak me out. 1.00

01:30:00.000 So ridiculous. 1.00

01:30:01.000 At war with fetuses? 1.00

01:30:04.000 Man.

01:30:05.000 He's like a fetus that grew out of control. 0.99

01:30:07.000 He turned into a human and just started killing fetuses.

01:30:11.000 Do you ever toy with the idea that, you know, I mean, you said that everything, you know, there's this possibility that everything exists by plan and that the same life will repeat itself over and over and over again.

01:30:22.000 Do you ever toy with the idea of the human being as the caterpillar that will become the butterfly?

01:30:29.000 Yeah.

01:30:29.000 And that, you know, our whole society, that the massive, accelerating pace is moving us towards this event?

01:30:36.000 Yeah.

01:30:36.000 Yeah, man, that's the, to me, yes, that's the idea that I adhere to the most.

01:30:41.000 It's like, I don't know what it is.

01:30:43.000 And of course, we can't know what it is.

01:30:45.000 But just from looking at the weather, you know it's going to rain.

01:30:49.000 And you can look at what's happening now. 0.93

01:30:51.000 And every time I sit down in front of my fucking iMac and basking in the glow of World of Warcraft as I eat edible marijuana, I consider to myself, It's only going to be about 20 more years that you're outside the machine. 0.91

01:31:08.000 They are neurologically going to figure out how to put you into this place where you can experience weightlessness, where the weight of the body is lifted, and you can live in a virtual paradise for the last part of your life. 0.97

01:31:21.000 That's something we all have to look forward to, is making the decision.

01:31:24.000 I mean, depending on how old you are right now or how healthy you are, you will eventually have to make the decision.

01:31:30.000 Between spending most of your time in this world, or spending most of your time in a virtual universe, a virtual paradise that is indistinguishable, or probably only the distinguishment is that it's a million times better than here.

01:31:44.000 And then somebody will hack it, because it's made by Sony, and get inside your head, and...

01:31:48.000 Yeah, sure. 1.00

01:31:49.000 And then you're fucked. 1.00

01:31:49.000 Yeah, sure. 1.00

01:31:50.000 There's going to be some problems initially, but... 1.00

01:31:53.000 Isn't that crazy about that Sony shit? 0.99

01:31:55.000 Yeah, what exactly did happen? 0.99

01:31:56.000 First, their network just went down for a couple days, but they didn't say anything.

01:32:02.000 And supposedly, a hacker got in, and they don't know what they got.

01:32:06.000 They don't know if they got their names and credit cards, but people are thinking they got credit card numbers.

01:32:13.000 That's like millions of people's cards...

01:32:17.000 I told you, I got jacked.

01:32:20.000 They stole my credit card.

01:32:21.000 I get phone calls from American Express.

01:32:23.000 Are you buying $500 worth of Godiva chocolate?

01:32:28.000 I guess they probably bought a bunch of gift cards.

01:32:32.000 Did you go to Norman Nordstrom's and spend $2,000 in Neiman Marcus? 1.00

01:32:39.000 They just went off, these fucking people. 1.00

01:32:41.000 That sucks, man. 1.00

01:32:43.000 Yeah, it's creepy. 0.99

01:32:44.000 It's weird to know that there's these weird little electronic parasites that click, click, click, they get the number, and then they make a new card, and they're just sucking numbers out of the system.

01:32:52.000 My website just got infiltrated by...

01:32:54.000 Really?

01:32:54.000 Yeah, and they went into the HTML. I still have to fix it.

01:32:57.000 If you go to my website now, there's nothing there.

01:32:59.000 I'd take it down.

01:33:00.000 But... 0.83

01:33:02.000 They injected into the HTML of my index page, any place there was HTML, some kind of fucking iframe that took people to a website in Russia or something. 0.74

01:33:13.000 So when you went to my website, a Google alert would pop up and say, this site is known for hosting malware. 0.78

01:33:19.000 Wow.

01:33:20.000 And I had to go in and erase everything, but they got my password, which is totally weird, man. 0.99

01:33:25.000 It's like, I don't know how they figured out my fucking password. 0.91

01:33:28.000 It's like, I love the internet. 0.99

01:33:29.000 Have you ever seen that documentary on hackers?

01:33:31.000 There's this documentary they did about this one area of Soviet bloc, Eastern Europe.

01:33:37.000 I forget what exact country it is, but one Soviet country, one former Soviet country, and they're all hackers. 0.81

01:33:44.000 Like, the whole country's filled with hackers.

01:33:46.000 Mm-hmm.

01:33:46.000 They went through this city and everyone's got a Mercedes.

01:33:48.000 They're just fucking everybody. 1.00

01:33:50.000 These young guys have figured out a way to fuck the system and steal all this money. 1.00

01:33:55.000 Yeah, that's what happened. 1.00

01:33:58.000 It sucks. 0.98

01:34:00.000 What is that? 0.99

01:34:01.000 How do they do that?

01:34:02.000 I have no idea.

01:34:02.000 Can that be fixed?

01:34:03.000 It's a bot.

01:34:04.000 It's a bot mixed in with, obviously, a shitty password. 0.99

01:34:08.000 I got my fucking World of Warcraft account hacked a while ago. 0.99

01:34:12.000 Really? 1.00

01:34:13.000 How often do you play that fucked up game? 0.99

01:34:15.000 Doesn't matter. 1.00

01:34:15.000 I love it. 1.00

01:34:17.000 My Dathrak is a warlock and he's almost level 71. How do you feel about the guys who buy and sell their characters?

01:34:25.000 What do you think about that?

01:34:26.000 Is that cheating?

01:34:28.000 Buying a character?

01:34:29.000 Yeah.

01:34:30.000 Can't you build up some sort of character?

01:34:32.000 Or buying gold.

01:34:32.000 Yeah.

01:34:33.000 Can't you do something like that where your character's got superpowers?

01:34:35.000 Well, I mean, yeah, you can do that, but you're going to miss the friendship and companionship of your guild.

01:34:40.000 Yeah.

01:34:41.000 Don't you want to...

01:34:41.000 There's lifelong friendships we form.

01:34:44.000 Do you have buddies in your guild?

01:34:45.000 No, I don't.

01:34:46.000 He breaks World of Warcraft just like every couple months.

01:34:48.000 He'll break it just so he won't play it.

01:34:50.000 No, I don't break it.

01:34:51.000 That doesn't work anymore.

01:34:51.000 Blizzard fixed that.

01:34:53.000 Now you can like...

01:34:54.000 It's there no matter what.

01:34:55.000 Is it online?

01:34:56.000 Is that what it is?

01:34:57.000 Yeah, because I get obsessive with video games.

01:34:58.000 So when I get addicted, what I do is I just delete it, destroy the property, make it so that I can't play it anymore.

01:35:05.000 So that it...

01:35:06.000 There's a roadblock in between me having to download it, and then inevitably I'll download it again and play.

01:35:12.000 It's a cycle of addiction.

01:35:13.000 Yeah, that and StarCraft, you're on both of them now.

01:35:16.000 Do you have to have it inside your computer?

01:35:18.000 Do you have to have a CD in there to play it, or is it an online thing?

01:35:21.000 You download the beautiful, beautiful thing.

01:35:23.000 You don't need to...

01:35:24.000 Yeah, but you have to have it on your computer.

01:35:25.000 Because Quake Live, you download a client app, but it's all online now.

01:35:31.000 Well, I don't know how much of it's online.

01:35:33.000 No, you just download the program.

01:35:35.000 It's like 8 gigs.

01:35:36.000 But obviously there's other servers that are...

01:35:40.000 But what do you get to do that's so cool that you're on it every day?

01:35:42.000 Do you get to shoot people? 0.75

01:35:43.000 What do you do?

01:35:44.000 Kids play make-believe.

01:35:45.000 I wish that tone wasn't in your voice when you asked that question.

01:35:48.000 We're all different.

01:35:50.000 You must accept my video game murderous tendencies.

01:35:53.000 Listen, it's embarrassing and it's childish.

01:35:57.000 I'll totally admit that. 0.95

01:35:59.000 But it's fucking awesome. 0.95

01:36:02.000 They've figured out a way. 0.98

01:36:04.000 Human beings are based on a reward system.

01:36:07.000 You do something good and you get a reward.

01:36:10.000 And that makes you feel good.

01:36:11.000 You go jogging, the endorphins kick in.

01:36:13.000 Whenever you accomplish a task, you feel good.

01:36:15.000 So the people at Blizzard...

01:36:17.000 And the CIA joined forces and they figured out how to neurologically replicate that sort of endorphin rush in a kind of ever-accelerating pace.

01:36:29.000 So the game, the higher level you get, the more the game begins to complexify and the terrain that you are used to that you already thought was cool all of a sudden becomes a million times cooler and then a million times cooler and then a million times cooler so that you get hooked. 0.97

01:36:47.000 It's like a Pavlovian fucking response. 0.96

01:36:49.000 You also have an online girlfriend, don't you? 1.00

01:36:52.000 Do you really?

01:36:53.000 A lover.

01:36:54.000 I wouldn't call her a girlfriend.

01:36:58.000 What's the odds that it might be a dude?

01:37:01.000 We are who we decide we are, Joe.

01:37:04.000 There's no real sex on here.

01:37:06.000 That's a funny idea.

01:37:08.000 Would you be willing to exchange pretend love messages to a guy playing a woman? 0.70

01:37:15.000 No, but let me ask you this.

01:37:19.000 He thought about that for a while.

01:37:22.000 Let's say in the future.

01:37:26.000 No, of course not.

01:37:27.000 But let's say in the future. 1.00

01:37:28.000 He's rubbing his dick. 0.99

01:37:29.000 But in the future, let's imagine that this thing we were talking about, a neurologically projected universe exists. 0.99

01:37:36.000 Right.

01:37:36.000 People are going to have to deal with super hot girls coming up to them that are, you know, really quite beautiful.

01:37:44.000 And you're going to know there's a chance this is a guy on earth and in the real world.

01:37:49.000 So at that point...

01:37:51.000 What do you do?

01:37:52.000 Well, it's just a personality.

01:37:54.000 It's a mind behind the machine.

01:37:55.000 I've dated a lot of girls that had a dude's mind. 1.00

01:37:58.000 You know?

01:37:59.000 Might as well have been a dude.

01:38:00.000 I mean, it wasn't, but it might as well have been.

01:38:02.000 You ever date a girl who wants to yell at you all the time and argue with you? 1.00

01:38:05.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:38:05.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1.00

01:38:05.000 Are you a dude? 1.00

01:38:06.000 What's going on here?

01:38:07.000 Why are you acting all dude-like and aggressive?

01:38:09.000 Why do you have a dip in your mouth?

01:38:11.000 Ew, you dated a girl with dips?

01:38:14.000 Who had a dip? 1.00

01:38:17.000 That's a fucking deal breaker right there. 0.99

01:38:19.000 I've got buddies that dip and it never bothers me, you know? 0.99

01:38:21.000 Spitting in a cup, it's kind of gross, but whatever. 1.00

01:38:24.000 But when I was dating a chick and she started doing it, I'd be like, get the fuck away from me, you crazy bitch. 1.00

01:38:29.000 What's next? 1.00

01:38:30.000 You want to peg a motherfucker? 1.00

01:38:32.000 You want to get your peg on? 1.00

01:38:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:38:35.000 For those who don't know, Peg is when a girl puts on a dildo and straps it on and sticks it in your butt. 1.00

01:38:40.000 Apparently it happens so often that there's a name for it. 1.00

01:38:43.000 What a fucking weird world we live in, man. 0.99

01:38:45.000 What a weird world. 1.00

01:38:47.000 Hey, at least Osama bin Laden's dead.

01:38:49.000 We got him.

01:38:50.000 God, I can breathe a sigh of relief. 0.99

01:38:51.000 People fucking cheering at the White House. 1.00

01:38:53.000 They went on the White House lawn and they're fucking dancing and singing. 1.00

01:38:56.000 Na, na, na, na. 1.00

01:38:57.000 Hey.

01:39:01.000 I think we should all be like, shh, no, alright, he's dead.

01:39:07.000 Ladies and gentlemen, he was dead in 1992. I've got the documents right here.

01:39:12.000 1992, it's a black ops...

01:39:14.000 Dude, I really love that.

01:39:16.000 That is a hilarious narrative that Alex Jones is talking about, because the implication is that there's somewhere in the CIA where there's like a frozen Bin Laden ice cube, and they're just waiting to melt him.

01:39:28.000 Wasn't that the premise of a movie?

01:39:30.000 Wasn't there a guy who did that, who killed people and froze them and then dropped the bodies off?

01:39:35.000 And, oh, I think it was the Iceman.

01:39:37.000 That's who it was.

01:39:38.000 It wasn't a premise of a movie. 0.79

01:39:39.000 It was that guy, that crazy hitman for the mob called the Iceman, the Iceman Chronicles on HBO, which if you haven't seen it, they are fucking terrifying to know that this guy existed. 1.00

01:39:50.000 He was a crazy fuck. 1.00

01:39:53.000 You know, that guy used to play pool. 1.00

01:39:54.000 And he used to gamble, not with people that I know, but with people that I know who know the people.

01:40:00.000 And he, as long as you didn't make a fool out of him, he would lose some money.

01:40:03.000 He liked to gamble. 0.99

01:40:04.000 So he would go in and play some pool as long as you didn't rob him and make a fool out of him. 0.86

01:40:08.000 You know, as long as it was a competitive game.

01:40:10.000 But I guess he got in some sort of an argument with one guy.

01:40:13.000 One of the first guys he ever killed was over a pool game.

01:40:17.000 Yeah.

01:40:18.000 He used to, and apparently he had one situation with one guy.

01:40:22.000 It felt like the guy was robbing him. 0.99

01:40:23.000 The guy fucking disappeared. 0.99

01:40:24.000 Nobody ever saw him again. 1.00

01:40:25.000 He killed so many people, man.

01:40:27.000 He killed people over just, a guy would step on his toe, he would kill him, he would shoot arsenic in his drink, and the guy would never know what hit him. 0.72

01:40:33.000 Yeah, and he's got that weird accent.

01:40:37.000 Yeah.

01:40:38.000 Can you do his voice?

01:40:40.000 No, I'd have to listen to it.

01:40:41.000 I can only do accents when I hear them.

01:40:43.000 Yeah, he's a strange guy, but he already stepped on my foot at the theater, so I just followed him out to his car.

01:40:50.000 I hope they release this on Death Photos, though, because they haven't decided yet.

01:40:55.000 Yeah, why would they want to release that?

01:40:56.000 He's probably still got frost on him.

01:40:58.000 Well, I guess a lot of the senators...

01:41:00.000 I told you to farm more! 1.00

01:41:03.000 He looks like Frosty the Snowman.

01:41:06.000 In 2002, it was reported he was going through dialysis.

01:41:13.000 We've got the papers right here.

01:41:15.000 Yeah, I don't know, man.

01:41:16.000 I used to have that bit about Osama Bin Laden being a character in a Batman movie.

01:41:20.000 Yeah.

01:41:20.000 Think about this.

01:41:21.000 He used to work for the good guys, but then he switched forces and joined the dark side.

01:41:27.000 He's a billionaire who hates us.

01:41:31.000 Right.

01:41:31.000 He lives underground.

01:41:34.000 And we almost capture him, and every time they get him, he slips away and leaves behind a threatening tape. 0.97

01:41:40.000 I'm like, this is an episode of fucking Scooby-Doo. 0.99

01:41:42.000 I mean, this is ridiculous. 1.00

01:41:44.000 And the video, despite how good video cameras were all over the world, was always shit. 0.99

01:41:49.000 It was always like one of those first-generation cell phone videos when you can only take like 30 seconds of video. 0.98

01:41:55.000 You remember those?

01:41:56.000 Yep.

01:41:56.000 Remember, that's what the videos of Bin Laden always look like.

01:41:58.000 It's always blurry and fucking weird. 0.99

01:42:00.000 He's probably been dead forever, man. 0.98

01:42:02.000 There was that one fake video that was 100% fake. 0.85

01:42:06.000 Where they had a couple photos of him and a video of him, but his face was fat.

01:42:10.000 He looked like a different guy, like a totally different guy.

01:42:12.000 They put transparencies of the two of them over each other.

01:42:16.000 But, you know, as they get more sophisticated, they just stop releasing videos.

01:42:19.000 He doesn't have to make videos.

01:42:20.000 Let's just have him stop making videos.

01:42:21.000 Sure. 1.00

01:42:22.000 Yeah, the fucking fake Bin Laden sucks. 1.00

01:42:24.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:42:24.000 The guy didn't lose enough weight. 1.00

01:42:25.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:42:27.000 So, I don't know, man.

01:42:28.000 I don't buy it. 1.00

01:42:29.000 They lie about so much shit. 1.00

01:42:31.000 So you don't think they've killed Bin Laden? 1.00

01:42:32.000 She's dead as fuck. 1.00

01:42:34.000 I think he's probably dead a long time ago. 1.00

01:42:35.000 I just don't think it just happened.

01:42:37.000 I mean, it might have.

01:42:38.000 Look, they said SEAL Team 6 killed him, and if that is the case, those guys aren't going to keep their mouths shut.

01:42:44.000 They're not going to pretend that they killed somebody and not.

01:42:47.000 I mean, I don't think they would take...

01:42:48.000 I mean, when you're dealing with SEALs, there's a code that those guys live by, and I don't necessarily think they would pretend that they killed somebody like that.

01:42:57.000 Who's SEAL Team 6? 0.99

01:42:58.000 They're supposedly like the baddest motherfuckers in the SEALs. 1.00

01:43:01.000 The scariest ones they send into terrible, hostile areas to kill bad guys. 1.00

01:43:05.000 You know?

01:43:05.000 Those are the ones that like...

01:43:07.000 Have you ever read some of those books that Dick Marchenko...

01:43:09.000 I think that's his name?

01:43:10.000 Yeah.

01:43:10.000 The Rogue Warrior.

01:43:11.000 Great fucking books. 1.00

01:43:13.000 All the nutty shit that he did like... 1.00

01:43:15.000 All throughout the years as a head of one of those SEAL Team 6 units where they all would have long hair and tattoos and they would look weird. 1.00

01:43:25.000 It was like a fucking goddamn Sylvester Stallone movie. 0.99

01:43:27.000 It's like The Expendables, but it was real. 1.00

01:43:30.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:43:31.000 Yeah, there's a lot of guys like that, man. 1.00

01:43:33.000 That's what they do.

01:43:34.000 That's what they do.

01:43:34.000 I mean, if you watch those, you ever watch any of those Discovery Channel specials on how they recruit people and what you have to go through Hell Week and you have to go through where you're trying not to be a Navy SEAL? Dude, the people that get through that are some extraordinary fuckers.

01:43:52.000 Those are people who would do some crazy shit. 1.00

01:43:54.000 There's a lot of people out there that love and live for the idea of getting a fucking flat out straight license to be a bad motherfucker killing machine. 1.00

01:44:04.000 And if you want to, if you're good enough at killing people and you're willing to pledge your loyalty to the United States government... 1.00

01:44:11.000 They'll take you in. 0.88

01:44:13.000 They'll train you. 0.99

01:44:14.000 They'll fucking give you a great attitude and a lot of psychological counseling that they've been working on for decades. 0.99

01:44:20.000 They've got it down to a science. 1.00

01:44:22.000 They know exactly how to tune your mind so they can send you places to go fuck people up. 0.98

01:44:26.000 2011, baby. 0.98

01:44:31.000 So there's a guy right now from SEAL Team 6. Yeah.

01:44:35.000 Well, there's a whole bunch of them.

01:44:36.000 But there's one specific guy who's like, killed Bin Laden yesterday.

01:44:40.000 I'd like a cup of, I'll take a Diet Coke and pancakes.

01:44:45.000 I don't think he drinks Diet Coke.

01:44:46.000 He's probably drinking whiskey out of a bottle.

01:44:48.000 And they're singing.

01:44:49.000 Yeah, they've probably been singing since the moment it happened.

01:44:52.000 Bandanas over bullet wounds.

01:44:54.000 I'll get it patched up later, boss.

01:44:56.000 Yeah.

01:44:58.000 It's fun to think about it being real, but it does seem to me a little suspicious that at 2 a.m.

01:45:06.000 they dumped his body off the side of an aircraft carrier.

01:45:09.000 The SEAL Team 6 is the seals of the seals.

01:45:12.000 That's what it is.

01:45:13.000 The SEAL Team 6 was labeled Team 6 at the time to confuse Soviet intelligence about the number of SEAL teams in operation at the time.

01:45:21.000 There were only two others, but Team Six poached the top operatives from all the other SEAL units and trained them even more intensely.

01:45:30.000 So even among proven SEALs, the attrition rate for Team Six is half. 0.93

01:45:37.000 So, half of the bad motherfuckers that become SEALs, the only half of them can survive to be Team Six. 0.99

01:45:43.000 Wow. 1.00

01:45:44.000 Yeah, and they sent these psychos over there to kill him. 1.00

01:45:46.000 Maybe. 0.99

01:45:46.000 Maybe they did. 0.99

01:45:47.000 Or maybe he's been dead forever.

01:45:48.000 Who knows? 1.00

01:45:49.000 You know, who the fuck knows? 0.99

01:45:50.000 Once you hear that Jessica Lynch story, you go, okay, all bets are off. 0.99

01:45:54.000 They're not doing anything different now than they were back then. 0.96

01:45:56.000 They were just making shit up back then when they said there was a firefight to rescue, you know, a private Jessica Lynch. 0.99

01:46:02.000 And, you know, she was this poor little girl from wherever the fuck she was, Nebraska or Kansas or some shit. 1.00

01:46:06.000 You know, and then she came out and she's like, listen, nobody rescued me. 0.99

01:46:10.000 I was in a hospital.

01:46:10.000 There was no gunfight.

01:46:12.000 I want to just step away from all this.

01:46:14.000 Thank you very much. 1.00

01:46:15.000 And then she got death threats and you fucking traitor. 1.00

01:46:18.000 You know, she had to hide and fucking scary shit, man. 1.00

01:46:21.000 The government doesn't tell the truth. 1.00

01:46:22.000 If they're telling us that this happened, this is not what happened.

01:46:25.000 Something else happened.

01:46:26.000 It's a fact.

01:46:27.000 Wait, wait, wait.

01:46:27.000 You don't believe our great president, Obama, was sitting in a situation room and being shown the plans to descend on this base and attack Osama Bin Laden.

01:46:37.000 You don't believe that that was happening?

01:46:39.000 Looks good, SEAL Team 6. I'm going to declare code red on Osama Bin Laden.

01:46:43.000 Yeah, this is a movie, bro.

01:46:45.000 This is going to be in a movie, right?

01:46:46.000 Yeah, listen.

01:46:47.000 Nicholas Cage will be in it.

01:46:48.000 We must wait to do this until after the royal wedding. 0.98

01:46:52.000 I say they cast Nicholas Cage as the hardened veteran who doesn't give a fuck, and he goes over there because if you're going to do a job right, you've got to do it yourself. 0.99

01:47:00.000 It was Hitler's death day. 0.98

01:47:02.000 Remember that movie that he was in with the plane?

01:47:05.000 What's that movie like?

01:47:06.000 Oh yeah, it's always on reruns for some reason.

01:47:08.000 I know exactly.

01:47:08.000 It's Con Air, is that what it is?

01:47:10.000 Yes.

01:47:10.000 Con Air!

01:47:11.000 Where all the cons got on the plane, they escaped.

01:47:14.000 That's the movie, bro.

01:47:15.000 It's Con Air.

01:47:15.000 The whole cast of Con Air comes back for Get Bin Laden.

01:47:18.000 That's right.

01:47:20.000 Hitler's death day.

01:47:21.000 Who's the top seal?

01:47:22.000 Who's the top seal?

01:47:22.000 Who's his number one killer?

01:47:23.000 Ready?

01:47:25.000 Charlie Sheen.

01:47:26.000 Oh, yeah, that's great. 0.95

01:47:27.000 Number one killer.

01:47:28.000 Charlie Sheen was in the movie Navy Seals, bro.

01:47:30.000 Oh, that's right.

01:47:31.000 He was in Navy Seals.

01:47:32.000 We can make him the top Navy Seal.

01:47:33.000 He was also in Hot Shots.

01:47:34.000 Ooh, there you go, dude.

01:47:36.000 And Major League.

01:47:37.000 Come on, son.

01:47:38.000 He's All-American.

01:47:39.000 Yeah.

01:47:39.000 He could be the top cop guy.

01:47:41.000 And Dolph Lundgren makes a comeback as well, but dies before they complete their mission.

01:47:46.000 Well, can't we?

01:47:47.000 Let's make it...

01:47:47.000 You know what?

01:47:48.000 Your idea is not accessible enough.

01:47:50.000 Why don't we make it...

01:47:51.000 Really?

01:47:52.000 Yeah, let's make it...

01:47:53.000 I thought it was pretty mainstream.

01:47:53.000 Let's make it dads.

01:47:54.000 Let's make it recently divorced dads.

01:47:57.000 Seal team dads?

01:47:57.000 Yes, seal team pops.

01:47:58.000 And they're talking to their daughter on the phone and, you know, daddy loves you.

01:48:01.000 Meanwhile, he's like loading bullets into a chamber.

01:48:04.000 We gotta do this.

01:48:05.000 Yeah, and the ex-wife, they wind up getting back together again right at the end of the movie.

01:48:10.000 Yeah, Steve Guttenberg, Ted Danson, and an old Navy SEAL. How do you even remember Steve Guttenberg?

01:48:16.000 I said Alicia Silverstone on a plane.

01:48:18.000 I was like, who the hell is that?

01:48:19.000 How do I even remember her?

01:48:20.000 What happened to that girl? 0.99

01:48:21.000 Did she have a kid?

01:48:23.000 What happened to Gutenberg?

01:48:24.000 Went crazy.

01:48:25.000 Yeah, Gutenberg, there's a famous scene of him outside of Phil Hartman's house after the shooting, after his wife killed him and then killed herself.

01:48:36.000 Steve Gutenberg showed up for the photo op With a suit and tie on and started doing interviews with the press.

01:48:43.000 Really?

01:48:44.000 Pleading with the media to have some class and taste and handle this with dignity and leave the family alone.

01:48:51.000 But the way he was doing it, it was like so clearly him just trying to get attention.

01:48:58.000 It was the craziest thing I've ever seen.

01:49:01.000 Because we, us as a cast, I never remembered Steve Guttenberg coming up from Phil.

01:49:07.000 It wasn't like, my best bud Steve Guttenberg, we're going fishing this weekend.

01:49:11.000 You know, it's like, Steve Guttenberg is just sort of like...

01:49:13.000 Was he a neighbor?

01:49:14.000 I don't know.

01:49:15.000 Maybe he was just like a next door neighbor.

01:49:16.000 No, I don't believe he was, man.

01:49:18.000 And if he was, why would you come out and say, hi, this is where I live.

01:49:20.000 Come visit me.

01:49:21.000 That's so sad.

01:49:23.000 Yeah, well, you know, it's that wannabe famous thing, man.

01:49:27.000 You know, and when it goes away, there's nothing weirder than someone who used to be famous and isn't anymore and really desperately wants to be again.

01:49:33.000 Right.

01:49:34.000 Very strange, man.

01:49:35.000 You know, you ever met a guy that's in a band and the band was big and now they're not big anymore and they're all weirded out?

01:49:41.000 Yeah, I've seen it. 0.98

01:49:42.000 It's a weird fucking... 0.99

01:49:43.000 I've seen that symptom. 0.99

01:49:44.000 Yeah.

01:49:45.000 I've seen it all before, Joe. 0.70

01:49:47.000 It's disgusting, man.

01:49:48.000 He's a Navy SEAL 6 team of life. 0.83

01:49:51.000 He used to be famous.

01:49:52.000 Now he's not.

01:49:53.000 There's only one way to win back his fame. 1.00

01:49:56.000 Kill the man who tried to destroy America. 0.99

01:49:59.000 Yeah, that's why I want my movies to have aliens in them. 0.99

01:50:01.000 That's why I liked Avatar.

01:50:02.000 Yeah, it was simple.

01:50:03.000 Yeah, I saw the whole thing coming.

01:50:05.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:50:05.000 I knew the guy was going to be good in the end.

01:50:07.000 I knew it.

01:50:09.000 However...

01:50:10.000 It was good because there was aliens and it was fake. 0.99

01:50:12.000 It wasn't like some stupid real-life situation that you're trying to recreate. 0.98

01:50:17.000 The one thing that drives me the most nuts is people that want you to go see really depressing movies. 0.99

01:50:24.000 Really depressing, dark movies.

01:50:26.000 And you're like, well, I can live that, man.

01:50:29.000 I can see that on TV. I don't know.

01:50:32.000 When I go to the movies, I just want to be entertained. 0.99

01:50:35.000 Have you seen the fucking, speaking of depressing movies, have you seen the Antichrist? 0.99

01:50:40.000 What? 1.00

01:50:41.000 Have you seen the movie The Antichrist?

01:50:42.000 No.

01:50:43.000 What is this? 1.00

01:50:44.000 Jesus fucking Christ. 1.00

01:50:45.000 Is it terrible? 1.00

01:50:46.000 It's one of the most depressing, dark, no, it's not new, but it has some of the most, well, I mean, it's moderately new. 1.00

01:50:54.000 It is so fucked up, man. 0.99

01:50:57.000 Is it an American movie? 1.00

01:50:58.000 What is it?

01:50:59.000 Oh, here, I'm looking at it here.

01:51:00.000 Wow, I've got a lot of stars.

01:51:01.000 It's really good.

01:51:02.000 Grieving couple retreats to their cabin in the woods hoping to repair their broken hearts and troubled marriage.

01:51:08.000 But nature takes its course and things go from bad to worse.

01:51:12.000 Yeah, that doesn't even... 0.99

01:51:14.000 One percent describe how fucked up it is. 0.99

01:51:17.000 Good? 1.00

01:51:18.000 Oh yeah, it's really good, but I don't want to do any spoiler alerts here, but there's some fucking disgusting shit that happens in it. 0.99

01:51:26.000 It's 2009. Willem Dafoe stars. 0.98

01:51:28.000 Lars Van Trier, is that his name?

01:51:30.000 The director?

01:51:31.000 Yeah.

01:51:32.000 You're on the ball, son.

01:51:34.000 It just popped into my head.

01:51:35.000 I don't know why.

01:51:36.000 I usually can't remember my own name.

01:51:38.000 So, is this depressing?

01:51:40.000 Is it going to be sad? 0.99

01:51:43.000 Yeah, it's depressing and sad and fucked up. 0.99

01:51:47.000 I want a monster movie, dude. 1.00

01:51:48.000 I don't want that nonsense.

01:51:50.000 What about The Walking Dead?

01:51:51.000 Have you seen The Walking Dead?

01:51:52.000 Yeah, I'm watching it.

01:51:52.000 Oh, it's so good!

01:51:54.000 It's great. 0.99

01:51:54.000 I fucking love it, man. 0.99

01:51:55.000 I just got done with episode one. 0.97

01:51:57.000 I'm gearing up number two tonight.

01:51:59.000 I'm so pissed that they're not making another one until next year.

01:52:02.000 Why?

01:52:03.000 I'm not sure exactly what happened.

01:52:05.000 I know the guy fired all his writers, supposedly, at the end of the season.

01:52:09.000 That's something I heard.

01:52:10.000 Oh, yeah?

01:52:10.000 Yeah, but apparently it's based on a comic book, which now I want to read from watching it.

01:52:16.000 But it's like, what's so cool about it, man, is in other zombie movies, they never explore the emotional impact that being in a zombie apocalypse would take on you.

01:52:26.000 And the directing of the acting, he's really good at directing people how to act when they're in shock, which is what you'd pretty much be in if you were dealing with that kind of event happening.

01:52:38.000 Why is that such a prevalent theme, the zombie theme?

01:52:42.000 Why is that so reoccurring?

01:52:44.000 I mean, out of all the potential monsters, there's like the two big ones are vampires and zombies.

01:52:50.000 What is that?

01:52:51.000 It's got to be some kind of subconscious cultural projection of our realization that we're all kind of wandering through life like zombies, you know?

01:53:00.000 Not really.

01:53:01.000 The way people are acting is kind of this bizarre, like, they're just thinking about eating.

01:53:05.000 I mean, not brains, but all they're thinking about is like, I don't Do you really think that's what it is?

01:53:10.000 Because the fear is not just to be a zombie.

01:53:12.000 The fear is to get the zombie to eat you.

01:53:15.000 I think the real fear is people afraid of cannibalism and people breaking down and becoming monsters. 0.99

01:53:23.000 Well, I mean, yeah, I think, I guess I'm going a little, like, too, I just smoked Joe Rogan's weed deep, but I think that, yeah, I mean, fuck, that is a scary idea, is, like, seeing, like, yeah, what's worse than being chomped on by humans? 0.99

01:53:38.000 That moment when they rip you apart and put their intestines around their neck? 0.99

01:53:41.000 Why do zombies always do that? 0.97

01:53:43.000 It's cool, looks cool on TV. Oh, intestines!

01:53:46.000 They always have to wear, they wear them, they rub their faces in it, it's so gross, but...

01:53:51.000 Why do they do that?

01:53:52.000 Just eat.

01:53:53.000 Just eat.

01:53:53.000 Stop playing with your food.

01:53:57.000 What's your all-time favorite zombie movie?

01:53:59.000 There's only one answer.

01:54:01.000 The correct answer, by the way.

01:54:02.000 It used to be Dawn of the Dead.

01:54:04.000 Until 28 days later.

01:54:06.000 Oh yeah, I forgot about that.

01:54:08.000 That's the best one.

01:54:09.000 28 days later, showing at the dead.

01:54:10.000 28 days later, you know what I loved?

01:54:12.000 They ran at you.

01:54:13.000 They ran. 0.99

01:54:14.000 I'm not into these slow-ass zombies who you can just peck off with guns. 0.99

01:54:17.000 That's the evolution of the zombie there. 0.98

01:54:19.000 Yeah, the evolution of the zombie is it's a disease and they run at you.

01:54:23.000 Well, that's my big problem with zombies is that people in Egypt... 0.89

01:54:31.000 Who had like regular minds and didn't want to eat brains.

01:54:34.000 It took them a long time to overthrow the regime there.

01:54:38.000 You know what I mean?

01:54:39.000 But somehow zombies are able to overthrow the military in every one of these movies. 1.00

01:54:43.000 Like the military can't stop these shuffling morons. 0.99

01:54:47.000 There's like tanks turned over somehow. 1.00

01:54:51.000 Exactly.

01:54:52.000 What do they do?

01:54:53.000 How do they turn over the tanks?

01:54:54.000 A zombie can't stop a tank. 0.57

01:54:58.000 What is that? 0.89

01:54:58.000 What we need to do is send zombies to Libya to overthrow the government. 0.89

01:55:01.000 These drone attacks aren't working. 0.57

01:55:04.000 That's what zombies would do. 0.65

01:55:05.000 They would become a new military weapon.

01:55:07.000 We would just send a bunch of zombies in an airplane carrier and just let them lose.

01:55:12.000 Shuffle out.

01:55:13.000 I think you're talking about SEAL Team 7. Zombie team.

01:55:19.000 I like it.

01:55:21.000 I like it. 0.97

01:55:22.000 Find Osama zombies. 1.00

01:55:24.000 What the fuck is that about, man? 0.99

01:55:26.000 The zombie thing. 0.99

01:55:28.000 People love them, too.

01:55:30.000 People love zombie movies, man.

01:55:31.000 There's a guaranteed core group of humans.

01:55:33.000 You're going to get every zombie movie you make.

01:55:35.000 There's a core audience.

01:55:37.000 You've got a new zombie movie coming out.

01:55:38.000 Boom! 0.99

01:55:38.000 You're going to get a certain percentage of people. 0.99

01:55:40.000 And I'm one of them.

01:55:41.000 Yeah, me too. 1.00

01:55:42.000 I fucking love that shit. 1.00

01:55:43.000 You get me for every monster movie. 1.00

01:55:45.000 Everything you got, bro.

01:55:46.000 What do you got?

01:55:46.000 Dragons.

01:55:47.000 What do you got?

01:55:48.000 What do you got?

01:55:49.000 Werewolves.

01:55:50.000 There's no way I could avoid it.

01:55:52.000 It's impossible.

01:55:53.000 Yeah.

01:55:54.000 Just check my Wikipedia page.

01:55:56.000 Somebody says right now?

01:55:58.000 Yeah, somebody said that during the Twilight series, I often refer to myself as a werewolf.

01:56:02.000 We've been saying to people, I'm not saying that you should put this on Wikipedia, but if you do, I'm not going to change it.

01:56:11.000 It's hilarious. 0.96

01:56:13.000 So it says I'm on some man shit. 0.99

01:56:16.000 By the way, I did Massey Hall in Toronto on Friday night. 1.00

01:56:21.000 2,600 podcast fans.

01:56:24.000 It was like all podcast fans.

01:56:25.000 Except this one dude who brought his teenage son who apparently didn't read the signs.

01:56:29.000 I guess he didn't know what he was getting into.

01:56:31.000 His son probably likes MMA. I'm like, go see the Fear Factor guy.

01:56:34.000 There's signs that say, warning the Joe Rogan show will contain the strongest language and material content imaginable.

01:56:41.000 That's what I came up with.

01:56:42.000 So that you can't say that I didn't warn you.

01:56:45.000 It says the strongest imaginable.

01:56:47.000 And I might be right.

01:56:48.000 And apparently during the... 1.00

01:56:49.000 There's this one port in my joke where I talk about a fake baby getting his dick sucked. 1.00

01:56:54.000 And he didn't like it. 1.00

01:56:56.000 He got up.

01:56:57.000 I heard about some people that were in their section I couldn't have possibly known because the joke was killing and there was thousands and thousands of people. 0.99

01:57:05.000 That Massey Hall is fucking huge. 0.98

01:57:07.000 It's huge. 0.99

01:57:08.000 It's so crazy doing a show like that where there's that many people.

01:57:11.000 That's the most I've ever performed for.

01:57:14.000 And I'm glad I'm doing that thing lately where I do like an hour and ten, something like that.

01:57:19.000 Just the best way to do it, man.

01:57:21.000 I did an hour and ten.

01:57:22.000 Just stomped it.

01:57:24.000 And I was so amped up for that show.

01:57:26.000 It was the first show in a long time that I was actually kind of nervous for.

01:57:29.000 Like as I was walking...

01:57:31.000 Not nervous, like, oh, I'm scared. 0.98

01:57:33.000 But like all day, I was like, whoa, I got a big fucking show tonight. 0.96

01:57:37.000 And when you go out on stage and there's 2,600 people and they're screaming... 0.97

01:57:40.000 And it's super intimate, too, the way it's set up.

01:57:42.000 Because there's three tiers.

01:57:44.000 And they're pretty much in your face.

01:57:46.000 They're all in your face.

01:57:46.000 2,600 of them.

01:57:48.000 Fucking awesome. 0.98

01:57:49.000 And Doug Benson was there. 0.98

01:57:51.000 And Doug Benson was hanging out with his buddy, who's his opening act.

01:57:57.000 I go, what are you doing tonight?

01:57:58.000 He goes, nothing.

01:57:59.000 I go, come down to the show.

01:58:00.000 So he came down.

01:58:01.000 I go, you want to go on stage?

01:58:02.000 He goes, yeah.

01:58:02.000 So I just introduced him at the beginning.

01:58:04.000 We also got Doug Benson here, and they went fucking crazy. 0.98

01:58:07.000 That's cool. 0.99

01:58:07.000 So he goes out and does 10 minutes and just crushes. 0.99

01:58:10.000 Tripoli goes up and crushes.

01:58:12.000 It was insane. 0.93

01:58:13.000 The crowd was so fucking cool. 0.99

01:58:15.000 I mean, you're always going to get a certain amount of douchebags. 1.00

01:58:17.000 I read a couple things on Twitter about people getting kicked out for yelling things.

01:58:21.000 Maybe somebody got kicked out during Sam's Act.

01:58:23.000 But that's just the virtue of the fact there's 2,600 people. 0.99

01:58:27.000 You're going to get a certain percentage of shitheads. 0.98

01:58:28.000 UFC weekend in Canadian GSB. But other than that, man, the fucking crowd was amazing. 1.00

01:58:34.000 I mean, it was incredible. 0.99

01:58:35.000 When I was performing with you, where did we perform at?

01:58:38.000 Montreal.

01:58:39.000 There was a guy, and he was an heckler, and he really... 1.00

01:58:43.000 I mean, he's an idiot for yelling during your show, but I really know he didn't mean any harm by it. 0.99

01:58:47.000 But there was a guy in the back who kept yelling... 1.00

01:58:51.000 Pyramids!

01:58:52.000 Oh, yeah.

01:58:54.000 Pyramids!

01:58:54.000 He was just, like, naming things, like...

01:58:56.000 He wanted me to do the joke about the pyramids.

01:58:59.000 Aliens!

01:58:59.000 Yeah, but it went on for the whole show, and he was so drunk, and it was so important to him that he talked about the pyramids.

01:59:07.000 He kept looking at his friend with this, like, really serious, dramatic look in his face, like, I'm gonna get him to do it, bro.

01:59:12.000 I know I can get him to do it.

01:59:15.000 That is the problem with talking about, like, really heady, trippy shit, is you get a certain percentage of people, like my friend who thought he was Carl Jung, who have to come up to you now to talk to you about things, and take what you do very, very seriously. 0.61

01:59:28.000 It's like, you know, the vast majority of the hardcore Bill Hicks fans are amongst that stuff. 0.96

01:59:34.000 You know what I mean?

01:59:35.000 Sure.

01:59:37.000 What he's saying is important.

01:59:38.000 What's going on is important.

01:59:40.000 How about this message you get from time to time?

01:59:43.000 I thought you should know that I was a fan of your podcast, but I could not believe some of the things you said in your last episode.

01:59:51.000 We get that with my podcast.

01:59:53.000 Of course, all the time.

01:59:54.000 You just lost a listener.

01:59:56.000 You know what I mean?

01:59:57.000 This thing where you're trying to hurt me by saying you're taking your...

02:00:04.000 It's a child's attitude is what it is.

02:00:07.000 Instead of, you know, having some sort of a discussion or a debate, I am more than willing to look at someone, you know, they say, you know, send me something that says, Hey, you know, I think you guys are like a little insensitive.

02:00:18.000 I love the podcast, but here's where I think you're wrong.

02:00:21.000 Or like on Twitter, someone said that about Top Gear.

02:00:24.000 I was making fun of all these people for criticizing Top Gear about their comments about Mexico until I heard the separate group of comments that everyone was upset about. 0.92

02:00:33.000 I had read some shit that wasn't very offensive at all and to me was a joke. 0.85

02:00:37.000 But then I read and watched the video of the real stuff, and I was like, oh, okay. 0.99

02:00:42.000 You know, I'm more than willing to be set hit.

02:00:44.000 But the guy who did it was very polite and very cool about it. 1.00

02:00:47.000 He didn't, you know, oh, I guess you're just a jackass and a fucking loser. 1.00

02:00:51.000 Unfollow. 1.00

02:00:52.000 You know, in caps.

02:00:55.000 It's a child.

02:00:55.000 That's a little temper tantrum.

02:00:56.000 It's a very stressed out child.

02:00:58.000 Which is fine for me, man.

02:00:59.000 When you do something like that, you don't get a chance to follow me again.

02:01:01.000 I block you because I don't want to deal with children. 0.99

02:01:03.000 I don't want to deal with your nonsense. 0.96

02:01:05.000 You want to send me something to try to make my feelings hurt for no reason like that? 0.96

02:01:08.000 It's not going to work and I'm going to block you.

02:01:10.000 It's that simple.

02:01:11.000 But think how stressed out you have to be.

02:01:13.000 To be listening to a podcast and be like, this is the last straw.

02:01:17.000 And you compose a passion.

02:01:19.000 Most of them are not even that stressed out. 0.99

02:01:21.000 You are the target of the day to distract themselves from a fucked up horrifying shithole of a life they're living. 0.99

02:01:29.000 It's not you. 1.00

02:01:30.000 It's not what you did that's so terrible.

02:01:32.000 If someone agrees with you or disagrees with you, it's just a thought and an idea, an opposing thought and an idea to be considered and either accepted or rejected.

02:01:40.000 It's that simple. 0.96

02:01:40.000 But when you get all angry about it, unless what you've said is really fucked up. 0.96

02:01:46.000 Well, yeah, and sometimes, by the way, it's great because I say so many blatantly wrong things, like bad facts. 0.95

02:01:54.000 Like, really bad facts and mispronunciations.

02:01:57.000 Unless you sit right in front of a laptop, which you can do if you want.

02:02:00.000 Next time, I'm thinking I'm getting you a laptop.

02:02:01.000 Oh, that'd be cool, man.

02:02:03.000 While you're talking, you don't have to panic.

02:02:05.000 You can go, let me just look this up real quick, make sure I get this right. 0.98

02:02:07.000 It would save a lot of humiliation, man, because I get like, I'm saying shit wrong. 0.97

02:02:12.000 It happens all the time. 0.98

02:02:13.000 It happens with Callan. 0.98

02:02:16.000 Callan all the time, like, fucks up and then has to come back. 0.95

02:02:20.000 Look, in that figuring it out and looking up those facts in message boards and discussions, we all grow. 0.97

02:02:27.000 We all find out.

02:02:28.000 Like I said, when I put up the thing about the Photoshop thing about Obama's birth certificate, I'm like, I don't know what's going on.

02:02:33.000 Somebody tell me what's going on.

02:02:34.000 And a lot of people are like, why would the government do this?

02:02:37.000 That's speculation. 0.98

02:02:38.000 Shut up. 0.98

02:02:38.000 Let's get to the heart of this. 0.98

02:02:39.000 What is going on here, Photoshop-wise?

02:02:42.000 It's so important to have this sort of a back-and-forth exchange with people online.

02:02:48.000 It's not just throwing something out at them.

02:02:50.000 The reason why this podcast really works, honestly, is that it's like people are tuning in to a cool conversation amongst friends, and sometimes they contribute.

02:03:01.000 Sometimes tweets contribute.

02:03:04.000 There's many discussions.

02:03:06.000 Many of the discussions that we've had on this podcast are based on things that someone will send me.

02:03:10.000 Someone will send me something on Twitter, and I'll go, dude, you've got to look at this.

02:03:13.000 Check this out.

02:03:14.000 I'm going to read you the story. 0.99

02:03:16.000 And it's this interwoven network of ideas and people and shit. 0.99

02:03:22.000 That's what it's really all about. 0.92

02:03:23.000 Someone sent me something from doing this podcast, which is a type of music that I'd never listened to called Dubstep in a band called Excision.

02:03:33.000 Have you ever heard of them before?

02:03:34.000 No.

02:03:35.000 I keep hearing about dubstep. 0.99

02:03:36.000 It's so fucking trippy, man. 0.99

02:03:38.000 Really? 0.98

02:03:38.000 It's so weird. 0.98

02:03:38.000 It's really cool. 0.98

02:03:39.000 I don't know if that makes me an idiot for liking it, but I really do like it. 0.98

02:03:44.000 It's so trippy. 0.98

02:03:44.000 Pull it up. 0.98

02:03:45.000 Pull it up.

02:03:45.000 What is it?

02:03:46.000 Because we'll end and then we'll play this as we're leaving.

02:03:50.000 Yeah, the one I've heard is called Swag.

02:03:53.000 Dude, you've got to come on this podcast once a month. 0.93

02:03:55.000 This is ridiculous. 0.90

02:03:56.000 Wow, I want to. 0.78

02:03:57.000 I love doing this.

02:03:58.000 We'll schedule you every third week.

02:03:59.000 Great.

02:04:00.000 Love it.

02:04:00.000 Okay, done.

02:04:01.000 I'll put it on my calendar.

02:04:01.000 Duncan Trussell every third week.

02:04:02.000 The conversations we have are my most fun.

02:04:04.000 You're my number one favorite podcast guest, Duncan.

02:04:06.000 Ah, thanks, Joe.

02:04:07.000 Number one.

02:04:07.000 No one's even close.

02:04:09.000 There's a few people that are close.

02:04:10.000 There's a bunch of them.

02:04:11.000 I love all of them in their own little way, but you're my favorite.

02:04:13.000 Thanks, man. 1.00

02:04:13.000 And they can all go fuck themselves if they want to argue about it. 1.00

02:04:16.000 I love all you guys. 1.00

02:04:17.000 Duncan's number one, okay?

02:04:19.000 Stop it.

02:04:20.000 Even more than Joey Diaz.

02:04:22.000 Joey Diaz will get mad at you sometimes.

02:04:23.000 Duncan never gets mad at you. 1.00

02:04:24.000 Listen, you fucking Momo. 1.00

02:04:26.000 You over there with your fucking Osama Bin Laden. 1.00

02:04:29.000 Meanwhile... 1.00

02:04:30.000 Meanwhile, back at the ranch.

02:04:32.000 You got some dubstep?

02:04:33.000 What do you got?

02:04:34.000 Swagga is the name.

02:04:34.000 You got that song?

02:04:35.000 All right.

02:04:37.000 Upcoming, we've got...

02:04:38.000 I have a show coming up in San Francisco.

02:04:41.000 I will be at Cobb's Comedy Club.

02:04:44.000 And it looks like I'm doing that with Tripoli and Tom Segura.

02:04:47.000 When are we going to do some more dates, bro?

02:04:48.000 I know you've been busy.

02:04:49.000 I haven't been going up, man.

02:04:50.000 I need at least two months of going up every night.

02:04:53.000 You've been working on your pilot, right?

02:04:54.000 Yeah, I haven't had time yet.

02:04:56.000 Can you tell anybody anything about that?

02:04:58.000 It's a science show for Comedy Central, and the pilot was about the research they've started doing with psilocybin.

02:05:12.000 And you've been super happy about everything.

02:05:14.000 We're going to keep everybody up to date about it.

02:05:15.000 We can't let too much information out. 0.79

02:05:17.000 It's fucking awesome. 0.93

02:05:18.000 It looks really cool. 0.99

02:05:19.000 I got set on fire for it.

02:05:22.000 When will you know whether or not people can watch it?

02:05:27.000 I don't know, probably June or something like that.

02:05:30.000 They'll make a decision.

02:05:31.000 All right, well, we'll keep you posted, everybody who's interested.

02:05:34.000 And follow Duncan on Twitter.

02:05:35.000 It's Duncan Trussell, T-R-U-S-S-E-L-L. And you can also get him.

02:05:41.000 Do you have artisticterrorism.com anymore, or you got rid of that?

02:05:44.000 That's gone.

02:05:45.000 I have Duncan Trussell.com.

02:05:46.000 We got hacked.

02:05:47.000 Yeah, go to Duncan Trussell.com and stare into the void.

02:05:50.000 It's just a black screen.

02:05:52.000 Yeah, catch them on Twitter.

02:05:53.000 We have shows coming up in San Francisco.

02:05:55.000 That is May 12th, 13th, and 14th. 0.99

02:05:59.000 Tickets are almost sold out for all the shows, so jump on that shit. 0.99

02:06:03.000 And we should have a good time there, my friends. 0.99

02:06:06.000 And then the next gig I got coming up.

02:06:09.000 Well, maybe probably Sal's Comedy Hall.

02:06:12.000 I don't know what's going on there.

02:06:13.000 Are they doing construction?

02:06:14.000 What's happening there?

02:06:15.000 It's two weeks?

02:06:15.000 You know, I looked in the kitchen and there was not one thing different in the kitchen.

02:06:19.000 It's still 100% the same.

02:06:20.000 And then June, I got June 10th coming up at the Vogue Theater.

02:06:25.000 And that's in, oh, excuse me, June 9th at the Vogue Theater.

02:06:29.000 And that's in Vancouver.

02:06:31.000 That's on Thursday night at the Vogue Theater. 0.99

02:06:33.000 And the Vogue is supposed to be the shits. 0.99

02:06:35.000 I can't wait. 0.99

02:06:36.000 And half the tickets were sold out last week.

02:06:39.000 So by now, it's probably like three quarters sold. 0.99

02:06:41.000 So if you want to get in, get in, bitches. 1.00

02:06:43.000 I can't bring Joey Diaz to Canada. 1.00

02:06:45.000 I know you're all asking, but it is illegal for Joey to exit and enter into your fine country because he's a fucking criminal. 1.00

02:06:52.000 And you fuckers in Canada are awesome, but you won't even allow a DUI. They have a very strict no-douchebag rule in Canada. 1.00

02:07:00.000 You can't have assaults and batteries and all kinds of stupid shit. 1.00

02:07:05.000 Not for tickling, player. 1.00

02:07:06.000 Alright, you know I love you, bitches. 1.00

02:07:07.000 And we will see you. 0.97

02:07:09.000 I got stuff to do all week, so we probably won't see you again until Friday or Saturday.

02:07:13.000 That'll be the next one.

02:07:14.000 Thank you.

02:07:14.000 you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you

02:07:44.000 Now make up a key.

02:08:11.000 How high were you when you thought this was good?

02:08:13.000 It gets better.

02:08:13.000 I don't even know if this is the right one.

02:08:14.000 Okay, let's keep it going.

02:08:16.000 Let's keep it going.

02:08:17.000 I hope this is the one.

02:08:18.000 Give it a chance.

02:08:18.000 There's still 1,600 people listening.

02:08:22.000 Dropping rapidly as they realize how great this music is.

02:08:26.000 We're down to 1,644.

02:08:27.000 41. 1,636.

02:08:31.000 People are getting violent right now.

02:08:34.000 Smashing their keyboard with bloody knuckles.

02:08:36.000 I love it.

02:08:36.000 I love it so much.

02:08:37.000 I like that sound.

02:08:38.000 That's what I like.

02:08:39.000 That's the sound I like. 1.00

02:08:40.000 People making plans right now to kill hippies. 1.00

02:08:42.000 The lead-up to it. 0.99

02:08:44.000 The lead-up set for this bass, weird bass thing.

02:08:47.000 I like it.

02:08:47.000 I like that sound.

02:08:48.000 But yes, that's why I want to hear it.

02:08:50.000 Absolutely. 0.99

02:08:51.000 This sounds like what would happen if you let a 10-year-old fuck around with a computer, get into GarageBand. 0.99

02:08:58.000 If Joey's farts, we're digitized. 0.99

02:09:00.000 This is not deserving.

02:09:00.000 If you ever come out saying you like any form of house music, you are opening yourself up for crucifixion.

02:09:05.000 Listen to this.

02:09:09.000 This is terrible, Duncan.

02:09:10.000 This makes me sad for you as a person.

02:09:15.000 This is like coming over your house and finding a Juice Newton poster on your wall.

02:09:21.000 I shouldn't have said it!

02:09:23.000 The moment it was coming out of my mouth. 1.00

02:09:26.000 You've got a fucking Dukes of Hazzard DVD sitting on your coffee table. 1.00

02:09:33.000 This is embarrassing. 1.00

02:09:34.000 You have terrible taste.

02:09:36.000 Okay, goodnight everybody.

02:09:37.000 Thank you so much.

02:09:37.000 This is the good part?

02:09:39.000 What's the good part?

02:09:40.000 When's the good part coming?

02:09:40.000 Here's the good part.

02:09:45.000 This song sucks. 1.00

02:09:47.000 This sucks. 1.00

02:09:48.000 I didn't know I was starting a roast for myself by suggesting music. 1.00

02:09:52.000 What's all this piano shit? 0.99

02:09:53.000 This isn't it. 0.99

02:09:54.000 This is the part of the song.

02:09:56.000 That's the part I like.

02:10:01.000 Down to 1572. We can't...

02:10:07.000 We're making gay people out there right now.

02:10:10.000 At least one guy right now is gonna... 0.88

02:10:11.000 This is gonna be the thing that tosses him over the line.

02:10:14.000 This crosses his line and sends him hurling into gaydom. 1.00

02:10:18.000 He was right there.

02:10:18.000 He was on the fence.

02:10:20.000 Fleshlight.

02:10:20.000 Thank you very much for tuning in to the podcast, ladies and gentlemen.

02:10:23.000 And thank you to The Fleshlight.

02:10:24.000 And if you go to JoeRogan.net...

02:10:26.000 And click on the link for the fleshlight and enter in the code name ROGAN. You will save 15% off of the number one sex toy for men.

02:10:34.000 Duncan, I have one for you if you'd like.

02:10:35.000 Oh, sure.

02:10:36.000 That'd be great.

02:10:36.000 Okay.

02:10:37.000 Got you new ones.

02:10:39.000 New stuff.

02:10:39.000 What styles do we have?

02:10:41.000 The good style. 0.98

02:10:41.000 The butthole. 0.98

02:10:42.000 Don't worry. 1.00

02:10:43.000 Don't worry.

02:10:44.000 I wouldn't steal.

02:10:44.000 You're wrong, dog.

02:10:44.000 You have the canned butthole?

02:10:47.000 Yes, I have that.

02:10:49.000 Thank you, folks.

02:10:49.000 All right.

02:10:50.000 Fucking show's over. 0.99

02:10:51.000 Bye. 1.00

The Joe Rogan Experience - May 02, 2011

Joe Rogan Experience #103 - Duncan Trussell

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Transcript