The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1030 - Joey Diaz

00:00:00.000 I don't want to be a first adopter. 1.00

00:00:02.000 Those fucking things are gonna fall apart. 1.00

00:00:06.000 Boom, Joe Diaz. 1.00

00:00:07.000 End with live. 1.00

00:00:08.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:00:09.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:00:10.000 Did you really go out and buy one of those iPhones last night? 1.00

00:00:13.000 Did you order it?

00:00:13.000 No, Red Man called me and he goes, are you going to get the...

00:00:15.000 Because I asked him a few weeks ago.

00:00:16.000 Called everybody.

00:00:17.000 I went to get the...

00:00:18.000 You know, I don't know anything about computers, so I called Red Man. 0.77

00:00:21.000 He's my computer guy.

00:00:22.000 So I went to get the iPad, the big one, the 9-inch one.

00:00:26.000 And I asked Lily, because my phone's fucking up already.

00:00:29.000 She goes, just wait for the 8. So I called Red Man about a month ago.

00:00:32.000 He goes, wait.

00:00:34.000 And last night he called out of the blue and goes, you gotta get online at midnight.

00:00:37.000 And I did it. 1.00

00:00:38.000 I did it like an asshole. 0.99

00:00:40.000 I just forgot my code. 0.99

00:00:41.000 I got through.

00:00:42.000 I got through the second click.

00:00:43.000 They're like, you're not gonna get through second click.

00:00:46.000 Click, boom, order.

00:00:47.000 I ordered the silver, black, bam, bam, bam. 0.98

00:00:50.000 And then at the end I had to get the fucking code for iTunes or Apple. 1.00

00:00:55.000 I woke my wife up in the middle of the night and said, get the fuck out of here. 1.00

00:00:59.000 So I didn't have the code. 0.99

00:01:01.000 She really did tell me to get the fuck out of here. 1.00

00:01:03.000 It's like, are you fucking crazy waking me up at 1215 for some stupid fucking phone? 1.00

00:01:08.000 There's going to be lines around the block at those Apple stores. 1.00

00:01:11.000 It's crazy.

00:01:12.000 It's like those sneaker lines when you see those people out to buy sneakers.

00:01:17.000 Well, that's the Supreme lines now.

00:01:18.000 Supreme's got a whole thing with lines.

00:01:19.000 They wait in line for three or four days now.

00:01:22.000 For what?

00:01:23.000 Almost weekly.

00:01:24.000 For what? 1.00

00:01:24.000 I'll show you the shit. 1.00

00:01:25.000 You're probably going to freak out when I show you what they're waiting for. 1.00

00:01:27.000 Please do.

00:01:29.000 Shovels, bricks, with just the word Supreme written on it.

00:01:33.000 Shovels and bricks?

00:01:35.000 T-shirts are the main thing.

00:01:36.000 What is Supreme?

00:01:37.000 Exactly.

00:01:38.000 It's a brand.

00:01:39.000 It's a streetwear brand.

00:01:40.000 And people wait in line for bricks?

00:01:42.000 I'll show you. 1.00

00:01:44.000 Fucking kids today. 1.00

00:01:45.000 This is what happens when kids don't go outside. 1.00

00:01:47.000 They don't play.

00:01:48.000 They don't play sports and they stay at home.

00:01:51.000 They just play video games.

00:01:52.000 It's Nancy Reagan's fault with the Just Say No. 0.82

00:01:55.000 These kids smoke dope.

00:01:56.000 They see life for what it is.

00:01:57.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:01:58.000 I'm gonna wait in line for an hour for a fucking break. 1.00

00:02:01.000 Look at the Supreme Crowbar. 1.00

00:02:03.000 They sell a crowbar.

00:02:04.000 Yeah, so the crowbar would just have like the name Supreme on it.

00:02:07.000 Okay, who's using that?

00:02:08.000 No one uses it.

00:02:11.000 It's real.

00:02:12.000 You have to look into the brand a little bit to understand it, but it's sort of part of the joke almost.

00:02:16.000 They're making parody of the craziness of it all by just throwing their brand name on stuff and people are buying into it.

00:02:23.000 Go back to the other page.

00:02:26.000 So Supreme with the top 10 non-wearable Supreme products.

00:02:30.000 Jesus Christ.

00:02:31.000 They have fire extinguishers?

00:02:32.000 Yeah.

00:02:34.000 Nunchucks.

00:02:34.000 But some of the clothes are cool.

00:02:36.000 Nunchucks.

00:02:38.000 I mean, you've got to be really into it.

00:02:40.000 And some people are really into it.

00:02:41.000 Like I said, they wait in line for days.

00:02:42.000 A lot of them, though, are making money off of it because they can buy it for $40 or $50 and flip it for $200.

00:02:47.000 I don't understand.

00:02:49.000 Like, why is everybody buying this?

00:02:50.000 Limited.

00:02:50.000 Limited quantities of whatnot.

00:02:53.000 But what is the big deal about Supreme?

00:02:55.000 You have to look into the history.

00:02:57.000 There's some YouTube videos you can look up.

00:02:59.000 You sound like Eddie Bravo.

00:03:00.000 Gotta look into it.

00:03:01.000 Hey, you have to look into it.

00:03:02.000 It's really hard to explain, and I can't even...

00:03:04.000 It'd take me half an hour to get into it.

00:03:06.000 I don't want to hijack the show about Supreme right now.

00:03:08.000 Well, I just never...

00:03:09.000 I wasn't aware of this.

00:03:10.000 I thought it was just like a t-shirt.

00:03:12.000 That's where it starts.

00:03:13.000 And you said Josh Martin wears them.

00:03:15.000 He spends a lot of money on them. 1.00

00:03:16.000 He's a fool. 1.00

00:03:17.000 Well. 1.00

00:03:17.000 He wears those goddamn Yeezys that you wear, too. 1.00

00:03:20.000 I don't spend that much money on them. 0.99

00:03:22.000 I'm gonna get them for retail.

00:03:22.000 I wouldn't buy them otherwise.

00:03:23.000 Yeah, Josh Martin is like into every trendy thing.

00:03:26.000 Everything that comes out, he's like way ahead of the curve.

00:03:28.000 That's the supreme...

00:03:29.000 Target audience.

00:03:30.000 Yeah, exactly, exactly.

00:03:31.000 Jesus Christ, Joey. 0.99

00:03:33.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:03:34.000 I didn't know about this. 1.00

00:03:35.000 You buy a hammer.

00:03:36.000 It says Supreme on it.

00:03:37.000 The fact they sell nunchucks is hilarious.

00:03:40.000 Supreme nunchucks.

00:03:41.000 Did we wait online when we were kids for anything?

00:03:43.000 Never.

00:03:43.000 Not for anything.

00:03:44.000 Like last night I was watching something, the real story about the Godfather.

00:03:49.000 And they showed when they released the Godfather at New York.

00:03:52.000 And there were lines.

00:03:53.000 Yeah, for the movies.

00:03:54.000 For the movies.

00:03:55.000 Yeah, I'm sure I waited in line to go see Star Wars or something. 0.99

00:03:58.000 But not three fucking days. 0.99

00:03:59.000 No. 0.99

00:03:59.000 I never camped out the night before. 0.99

00:04:01.000 No.

00:04:01.000 Not for a hammer.

00:04:02.000 What did they camp out for back then?

00:04:05.000 They camped out for something.

00:04:06.000 Really?

00:04:08.000 I feel like the first I ever saw it was iPhones, when the first iPhones were out. 0.97

00:04:13.000 I remember going to the mall and going, what in the fuck am I seeing? 0.83

00:04:17.000 And there was a giant line outside the Apple store. 0.98

00:04:19.000 And this was like when one of the first iPhones was coming out.

00:04:23.000 And I was like, why are they waiting for a phone?

00:04:25.000 You don't have a phone already?

00:04:27.000 Is this the only way to get the phone?

00:04:28.000 It was all so confusing.

00:04:30.000 But it was a thing where people would wait in line, and then they would look at each other.

00:04:34.000 And I remember when...

00:04:36.000 I remember when they were waiting in line for Harry Potter, when Harry Potter was coming out, and people were driving by and they were yelling out, Dumbledore dies at the end!

00:04:44.000 They were yelling out all these different spoilers.

00:04:47.000 All I typed in was waiting in line for in Google, and the only things that come up are iPhone Supreme and iPhone 8 or gas.

00:04:54.000 Yeah, gas.

00:04:55.000 That's right, in the 70s with the flag.

00:04:58.000 Red, green, or yellow flag.

00:05:00.000 What was that?

00:05:02.000 In the mid-70s, there was a gas shortage.

00:05:05.000 So green meant that you got gas if you had an odd number, like if your license plate ended an odd. 0.99

00:05:14.000 Yellow was even, and then red was shut down, bitch. 1.00

00:05:18.000 Oh yeah, that's right. 1.00

00:05:19.000 You remember that?

00:05:20.000 They had the flags, 73 to 75 maybe, something like that.

00:05:23.000 I don't know the exact dates.

00:05:25.000 Then they had a weird line.

00:05:26.000 Studio 54 had a huge line, but you got picked.

00:05:31.000 Studio 54, the dance club?

00:05:33.000 Yeah, like when Studio 54 was on fire, you showed up and you didn't guarantee to get in.

00:05:38.000 You got picked.

00:05:39.000 Yeah.

00:05:39.000 Right, the way they do now in Hollywood, like they pick hot chicks.

00:05:42.000 Right, so they pick hot chicks. 1.00

00:05:43.000 What was the thing we were talking about when they won't let a guy in without a chick? 0.98

00:05:48.000 There's some formula to go out in clubs in L.A. Yeah, they never would let guys in without chicks. 1.00

00:05:55.000 So if you walk into a club with three guys that don't want you, they want the chicks in there first? 1.00

00:05:59.000 Yeah, well the last thing you want is a sausage fest.

00:06:01.000 Look at all those dudes trying to get in. 1.00

00:06:03.000 Look at this.

00:06:04.000 That was inside.

00:06:06.000 But outside, there'd be a line of people...

00:06:08.000 Oh, that could be...

00:06:08.000 No, that's outside.

00:06:09.000 What am I thinking?

00:06:10.000 That's outside.

00:06:11.000 Oh my god, what a zoo.

00:06:12.000 Just to try to get in.

00:06:13.000 Just to try to get in.

00:06:14.000 What was the big deal about Studio 54? 1.00

00:06:16.000 You could snort coke, dance, get your dick sucked, and get your shoes shined. 1.00

00:06:19.000 All at the same place and be home by six. 1.00

00:06:22.000 It was a very...

00:06:23.000 You know what I mean?

00:06:24.000 Everybody went there.

00:06:26.000 Who is that?

00:06:27.000 Andy Warhol?

00:06:27.000 That's Andy Warhol.

00:06:28.000 Who's the girl? 0.74

00:06:30.000 Look at her.

00:06:30.000 She's got a beer bottle in her mouth.

00:06:33.000 Champagne.

00:06:33.000 Champagne, yeah.

00:06:34.000 It's pretty hot. 0.99

00:06:37.000 A fucking Black Sabbath that's 54. Look at Mick Jagger's wife dancing with Andy Warhol. 1.00

00:06:44.000 Look at Liza Minnelli behind them.

00:06:46.000 Wow.

00:06:47.000 So it was just like the place to be.

00:06:49.000 It was the place to be.

00:06:50.000 You could go crazy.

00:06:51.000 How strange.

00:06:52.000 Strange times, huh?

00:06:55.000 But here's the beauty of it.

00:06:56.000 They have a station on Sirius, and it's called Studio 54. You can just put it on on Sunday nights.

00:07:04.000 They do a podcast, and what they do is they interview people that actually used to go there or work there.

00:07:10.000 And I got to tell you something, Joe.

00:07:12.000 They had a dentist on about a year ago and his wife that it was crazy listening to this interview about what their life was.

00:07:19.000 They were professional.

00:07:20.000 Dentists making money in New York.

00:07:22.000 They stayed out till 5, 6 every night. 0.96

00:07:25.000 Went home, took the kids to school, went back home, took a nap till 1, got up, went to the dental office, worked till 5, went home, took another nap, fed the kids, and at 9 o'clock they'd fucking bring the kids downstairs to their moms and they'd do it all over again. 0.96

00:07:40.000 Five nights a week, over and over. 0.77

00:07:43.000 And the lady was saying, not till years later, Liza Minnelli thought I was a publicist.

00:07:48.000 She goes, she didn't know I was a dentist.

00:07:50.000 They just saw you in there every night.

00:07:52.000 It was all trust funders, you know. 1.00

00:07:54.000 That's all the people who could do that type of shit. 1.00

00:07:57.000 Wow. 1.00

00:07:57.000 Do blow till all hours of the night. 1.00

00:07:59.000 You could put it out.

00:08:00.000 They even had an interview about when Bob Hope went to Studio 54. Bob Hope?

00:08:04.000 Bob Hope walked into the studio not knowing what the fuck he was gonna, what lair he was gonna walk into. 0.99

00:08:10.000 He went out to the middle of the floor and started dancing and these chicks got together and started tying Bob Hope up. 1.00

00:08:17.000 Just tying him around like an Indian. 1.00

00:08:18.000 He's just standing there like laughing Bob Hope style. 1.00

00:08:21.000 Then he's like, is this a fucking joke? 0.99

00:08:22.000 They just left him there. 0.99

00:08:24.000 They just tied him up and left him there.

00:08:26.000 Tons of stories out there like that, you know?

00:08:28.000 Like just...

00:08:30.000 But then it moved on.

00:08:31.000 But you got picked to go in there.

00:08:33.000 How did it move on?

00:08:34.000 Like, imagine how weird it must have been when it finally, the door shut, and that was it?

00:08:38.000 The people where it was their whole life for years?

00:08:42.000 Well, people move on.

00:08:43.000 You know, clubs get hot, different clubs.

00:08:44.000 I went there one time in 1983, maybe.

00:08:49.000 84. It was done.

00:08:51.000 It was already done?

00:08:52.000 Yeah, it was done. 1.00

00:08:53.000 It was just a bunch of assholes trying to be cool. 1.00

00:08:56.000 Wow. 1.00

00:08:56.000 And I found the $100 bill. 1.00

00:08:58.000 I was out of money, with a bag of blow, no cash.

00:09:01.000 Not a dime in my pocket.

00:09:02.000 And I looked down at four in the morning, it was a $100 bill.

00:09:05.000 And that's how I got saved.

00:09:06.000 That's how I got home.

00:09:07.000 Wow.

00:09:08.000 And that was it.

00:09:08.000 That's my Studio 54 story.

00:09:10.000 It is weird, the nightclub scene.

00:09:14.000 The nightclub scene is a very strange scene.

00:09:16.000 One club gets hot, and then it dies off, and the people that are in that business try to figure out what makes something hot and what doesn't.

00:09:24.000 You've got to rename places and redo them and reopening and grand reopening and get people to show up. 0.78

00:09:31.000 I remember hearing that they were paying Paris Hilton shit piles of money to just show up at clubs. 1.00

00:09:37.000 That's it. 0.99

00:09:39.000 The Kardashians, any of those people, they pay a shitload of money.

00:09:43.000 You're there. 0.84

00:09:43.000 They take pictures. 0.84

00:09:45.000 Your club gets hot.

00:09:46.000 Now, after about a year, you start taking partners in it.

00:09:49.000 Yeah?

00:09:50.000 Sure, because you know it's on the way down.

00:09:53.000 Odds are against you.

00:09:54.000 So after a year, some guy comes in, I love your place.

00:09:57.000 Go ahead, I'll take half.

00:09:59.000 Give me half.

00:09:59.000 And that's how you get out of it.

00:10:00.000 Or you do what a lot of people did, and they just light the place on fire and start from scratch.

00:10:05.000 A little Jewish lightning, and the place starts from scratch. 1.00

00:10:08.000 You know, I knew the guy that owned the gay clubs in Houston, like in the 70s, and he was telling me one time, he goes, yeah, once we got our use out of them, You light them on fire. 0.97

00:10:17.000 Collect the insurance, and then open up another club.

00:10:20.000 That's it.

00:10:21.000 Jewish Lightning. 0.75

00:10:22.000 Jesus Christ.

00:10:24.000 It's a weird scene.

00:10:25.000 You know, I mean, people that just look forward to just going out and just drinking and dancing and snorting coke every night, just looking for, like, experience.

00:10:34.000 Just something different and wild that takes them out of their everyday grind.

00:10:38.000 And just do it over and over and over again.

00:10:40.000 Over and over and over.

00:10:40.000 And different, like, when I was growing up, it was Club Harry.

00:10:42.000 It was big, and...

00:10:44.000 The rooftop, you paid like 24 bucks to go in at 11 o'clock and you drank all night till 7 in the morning.

00:10:50.000 24 bucks, all you could drink. 1.00

00:10:52.000 It's shit booze. 1.00

00:10:53.000 I mean, you're not drinking Kovasi and shit. 1.00

00:10:55.000 Right. 1.00

00:10:56.000 When you're doing blow, you're just burning that shit anyway. 0.99

00:10:58.000 You come out, they give you some sunglasses, and that's it. 0.99

00:11:02.000 If you went in after three, it was... 0.99

00:11:05.000 It was like 20-something after 11 and then like 17 bucks or you could drink after 3 till 7 in the fucking morning. 0.99

00:11:13.000 And people were packed. 0.99

00:11:15.000 That's what New York was about back then.

00:11:17.000 It was just people staying out till 7, 6. New York is what?

00:11:22.000 A 4 a.m.

00:11:23.000 last call?

00:11:24.000 When's the last call in New York?

00:11:26.000 I have no idea.

00:11:28.000 Florida?

00:11:28.000 I think it's even later than New York.

00:11:30.000 Florida closes for one hour.

00:11:32.000 Five o'clock in the morning.

00:11:33.000 So let's say you're at the news cafe.

00:11:35.000 Right.

00:11:35.000 And we're bullshitting.

00:11:36.000 We're having a good time.

00:11:37.000 At five o'clock, they'll come over to you and say, hey, do me a favor.

00:11:40.000 By five o'clock, the bar's going to close.

00:11:43.000 So you can't order beer till six.

00:11:44.000 So we just order 25 beers.

00:11:47.000 And you wait till the bar opens at six. 0.99

00:11:49.000 And now you're fucking ready to drink again. 0.98

00:11:51.000 They close for one hour. 0.99

00:11:52.000 One hour.

00:11:54.000 This was back, you know, 20 years ago, 15 years ago in Coconut Grove.

00:11:57.000 What a weird rule.

00:11:59.000 One hour.

00:12:00.000 Remember that place we used to go to?

00:12:01.000 Right down the street from that improv?

00:12:03.000 Yeah, the News Cafe, right?

00:12:05.000 That was a great place. 1.00

00:12:06.000 Great breakfast, great fucking bar. 1.00

00:12:09.000 That club went downhill hard, though. 1.00

00:12:11.000 Yeah, that club.

00:12:11.000 And that place, well, the whole Coconut Grove area.

00:12:15.000 The only thing that's still open are the Doolin Pianos, the Pizza Joint, that mall.

00:12:19.000 The Doolin Piano place is still open?

00:12:21.000 Yeah, it's in that little mall there with the movie theater.

00:12:23.000 They always have those right next to Improvs.

00:12:25.000 They have one in Addison too, right?

00:12:27.000 Addison, they have one up next to John Lovitz up in Universal.

00:12:30.000 They do?

00:12:31.000 Yeah, they used to. 0.99

00:12:32.000 If there's a fucking... 0.99

00:12:34.000 What are you pulling up there? 1.00

00:12:35.000 Miami has a 24-hour drinking now.

00:12:37.000 Oh, just Miami?

00:12:38.000 Just in the Miami Entertainment District, it says.

00:12:40.000 Oh, well, that makes sense.

00:12:41.000 It's 4am Broward County and Key West.

00:12:45.000 Yeah.

00:12:46.000 But a little different everywhere else in Orlando.

00:12:47.000 West Palm is where we always worked.

00:12:50.000 We either worked in Miami at the Improv, which is Coconut Grove, or we did West Palm after Joel opened up that new place, the big giant place.

00:12:58.000 That's a great place.

00:12:59.000 Yeah, the new place, though, is like a theater.

00:13:02.000 It's like 600 seats. 0.99

00:13:04.000 It's fucking huge. 0.99

00:13:05.000 I mean, that's a huge club. 1.00

00:13:07.000 It's a great place.

00:13:08.000 And even Fort Lauderdale was a great club inside the casino, which they're redoing over.

00:13:13.000 Oh, yeah?

00:13:14.000 That shut down.

00:13:15.000 Oh, it did?

00:13:16.000 The Improv did?

00:13:16.000 That shut down until next year.

00:13:17.000 Yeah, we have no action down there.

00:13:19.000 No kidding.

00:13:20.000 That was a fun little club.

00:13:21.000 That's a fun little club.

00:13:22.000 That's a good size.

00:13:23.000 That one in the Hard Rock is a good size.

00:13:26.000 That's a good size. 0.97

00:13:26.000 Last time I was there, there was a couple next to me that was fucking in the bedroom next to me. 0.97

00:13:32.000 And like animals. 1.00

00:13:34.000 I mean like fucking animals. 1.00

00:13:37.000 I mean like porno film animals. 1.00

00:13:40.000 Like I was lying in bed and it was in the afternoon.

00:13:43.000 I was trying to take a nap.

00:13:44.000 And these people were...

00:13:47.000 We're good to go.

00:13:49.000 We're good to go.

00:14:06.000 Boss Rootin told a story the other day that I read online on one of those martial arts websites about his addictions to OxyContin.

00:14:14.000 Right, yeah, that's a great article. 1.00

00:14:15.000 Ooh, scary, scary shit. 1.00

00:14:19.000 Scary shit. 1.00

00:14:20.000 Where he was talking about trying to get off of it and how difficult it was. 1.00

00:14:23.000 And you're talking about a guy with like an iron will, you know, and Boss Rootin.

00:14:27.000 Imagine the average person who just has a hard time getting out of bed in the morning, doesn't have a lot of discipline, and they get hooked.

00:14:34.000 Like, that's it.

00:14:35.000 That's it.

00:14:35.000 You're gone.

00:14:36.000 It's fucking amazing that stuff's legal. 0.97

00:14:39.000 Did you watch 60 Minutes three weeks ago? 0.99

00:14:41.000 No.

00:14:42.000 That was the whole... 1.00

00:14:43.000 That was the motherfucker's motherfucker. 1.00

00:14:45.000 What was it? 1.00

00:14:46.000 Just about the opioid epidemic and how the DEA stopped prosecuting.

00:14:51.000 The word came from...

00:14:52.000 You know, it's just a nightmare. 0.99

00:14:54.000 They're fucking terrible, those things. 1.00

00:14:56.000 Listen, those things are terrible. 1.00

00:14:59.000 Yeah, there was a whole article recently about the company that sells most of the opioids and the family that's behind that company and how many billions of dollars that they've made off the opioid crisis.

00:15:10.000 Opioid?

00:15:11.000 Opioid?

00:15:12.000 Orbeid?

00:15:12.000 How do we say it?

00:15:13.000 Opioid.

00:15:14.000 How do we say it wrong? 1.00

00:15:16.000 Once that shit grips you, that synthetic heroin, that's what that, right, isn't it? 1.00

00:15:21.000 Yeah, potentially, yeah. 1.00

00:15:22.000 It's a bad grip.

00:15:24.000 Like I said, I took a 16th one night in my living room and I had a lay down.

00:15:29.000 And that's my whole resume with OxyContin. 1.00

00:15:32.000 And I'm a fucking mule. 0.99

00:15:34.000 I could eat 2,000 milligrams of THC and live a 16th of one of those pills. 1.00

00:15:40.000 I popped, it was just a little piece, nothing. 0.99

00:15:43.000 My blood pressure dropped so fucking much. 0.86

00:15:47.000 I just laid down, went to sleep, and I knew my pill career had come to an end. 0.96

00:15:51.000 Never even let it start.

00:15:53.000 Really?

00:15:53.000 Never even let it start.

00:15:54.000 Can you believe, brother?

00:15:57.000 In two weeks, it's going to be ten years since I've done that wipeout.

00:16:00.000 I want you to think about that.

00:16:01.000 Wow.

00:16:02.000 Ten years.

00:16:02.000 I want you to really think about it.

00:16:03.000 I still remember being at Cobbs with you that January.

00:16:07.000 And like going, it's been two months. 0.99

00:16:09.000 I don't know if I could really do this shit. 0.99

00:16:12.000 Like I don't know if I could control this feeling. 1.00

00:16:14.000 And I controlled it.

00:16:15.000 So you, like when you quit, what was like the first week like?

00:16:20.000 Hell.

00:16:21.000 First two weeks were hell.

00:16:23.000 Did you think about going back just like you can't do this?

00:16:26.000 Or did you know that you had to make a change?

00:16:29.000 I had to make a change.

00:16:30.000 I knew that my spine was starting to hurt.

00:16:32.000 Your spine was starting to hurt?

00:16:33.000 Yeah, I was starting to get jolted.

00:16:36.000 At 4 in the morning, you know, after you do coke, right at the tip over here.

00:16:41.000 A lot of people who've done coke get like Parkinson's. 1.00

00:16:44.000 Yeah, fuck that. 1.00

00:16:45.000 No, no, no, no. 1.00

00:16:45.000 You think that's related? 1.00

00:16:48.000 I know a lot of old timers that did a lot of coke in the 70s and then they wound up like some serious neuromuscular diseases.

00:16:55.000 Neuromuscular, absolutely. 0.99

00:16:56.000 That shit shocks your central nervous system. 1.00

00:16:58.000 There was times I did cocaine that was like electric. 1.00

00:17:02.000 It was like when you put that thing in your hand or you get electrocuted, you could feel the electric in your body the next day like that. 0.96

00:17:11.000 In your brain, like you can actually see the neurotransmitters are fucking on fire. 0.86

00:17:17.000 You could feel that. 0.99

00:17:18.000 You know, I could tell when I would go on stage after doing two or three nights of blow that week.

00:17:23.000 I had no control.

00:17:24.000 I really had no control over my material.

00:17:27.000 I had no control over my delivery.

00:17:29.000 That's what I wanted to tell you.

00:17:31.000 Like, just the way you communicate is just off?

00:17:34.000 Yeah, your mind can't grip it.

00:17:35.000 You can't sell the joke.

00:17:37.000 The facial doesn't connect with the hand movement or the breathing.

00:17:41.000 So, like, I knew that that was always going to be a danger in the future.

00:17:45.000 Now, you know, I take all that for like a year.

00:17:49.000 I drank those, what's your buddy's name that makes the neurosurgeon milkshakes? 0.98

00:17:55.000 The football player that fucking beat the guy up, Romanowski. 0.96

00:17:59.000 I took all his stuff for like a year just to... 0.97

00:18:01.000 Did you?

00:18:01.000 Yeah, the orange drink and stuff.

00:18:03.000 Neuro One, that stuff.

00:18:05.000 Is that helpful?

00:18:06.000 Yeah, it felt good.

00:18:08.000 It felt a lot better.

00:18:09.000 I get it.

00:18:10.000 Give your brain some nutrients.

00:18:11.000 Give me some control.

00:18:12.000 Yeah, but 10 years, I mean, that...

00:18:13.000 I had to do a benefit in Hoboken.

00:18:17.000 And I had gotten high like that whole summer I tried to get off coke.

00:18:20.000 I was doing the heroin. 0.99

00:18:21.000 I was trying to get off the coke and shit. 0.99

00:18:23.000 And then that September I ran out of heroin. 0.99

00:18:26.000 So I was doing it like maybe once a week.

00:18:28.000 And the whole thing went down with Marilyn.

00:18:30.000 I knew I had to stop.

00:18:31.000 And then I had this thing in Hoboken.

00:18:34.000 The whole thing went down with Marilyn Martinez when she died?

00:18:37.000 Yeah, she was dying.

00:18:37.000 I went back east that week.

00:18:40.000 And she was dying.

00:18:41.000 I don't know what happened.

00:18:42.000 It was like, you know what?

00:18:43.000 I was trying to get coke on Friday night.

00:18:44.000 I couldn't get it.

00:18:45.000 And I just took it for what it was.

00:18:47.000 I was trying to get coke on Saturday. 1.00

00:18:48.000 I couldn't get it, so fuck it. 1.00

00:18:50.000 I took the plane back Sunday. 0.99

00:18:52.000 I couldn't get it here.

00:18:53.000 Something happened.

00:18:53.000 I couldn't get it.

00:18:55.000 And then that Monday, I had a meeting to do a movie.

00:18:57.000 And at the end of the meeting, the guy said, Listen, man, we know about your drug problem.

00:19:03.000 So before you say yes, we want you to think about this because you can't miss a day on this movie.

00:19:09.000 You cannot be late.

00:19:11.000 If you're late, the whole movie can't shoot because it was a cast.

00:19:15.000 We all shot in one room.

00:19:16.000 It was an AA meeting.

00:19:19.000 So I thought about it, I'll do it. 0.99

00:19:21.000 And that was the roughest fucking month ever. 0.98

00:19:23.000 Because I was just going home and before 8 o'clock would start, I would just go to bed. 0.99

00:19:28.000 Because 8 o'clock was my cocaine time.

00:19:31.000 That's when my body would start to ache.

00:19:33.000 That's when I couldn't even...

00:19:34.000 You could be telling me the most important thing in your life and I'd be watching you, but I couldn't hear.

00:19:39.000 All my mind was focusing on was getting that blow at 8 o'clock.

00:19:43.000 Wow.

00:19:43.000 And then I would figure out how to get the 60 bucks.

00:19:46.000 You know, I'm gonna go to the ATM machine.

00:19:48.000 I would shoot over to Rock and Roll Rouse.

00:19:50.000 There's that ATM machine in front of Rock and Roll Rouse right there.

00:19:53.000 Yeah.

00:19:54.000 And I would take 60 bucks out there.

00:19:56.000 Dog, I would run every red light to get to that ATM machine. 0.99

00:19:59.000 Like, I didn't give a fuck. 1.00

00:20:01.000 Like, I didn't give a fuck. 1.00

00:20:02.000 And then from there, I would just make the U-turn, go to my dealer's house, go home and leave the coke there. 0.99

00:20:07.000 And now I was ready for the night.

00:20:10.000 I was in peace just knowing that the coke was at the house.

00:20:12.000 I didn't have to do it.

00:20:13.000 You know, I've never been physically addicted to something in a way where I had a hard time kicking it, but I've had some psychological addictions for sure.

00:20:22.000 And I think that one of the things that I've gotten out of this month of the Sober October thing that Tom, Bert, and Ari and I are doing...

00:20:31.000 Is that a lot of it is psychological.

00:20:33.000 A lot of it is psychological.

00:20:34.000 Because just knowing that we can't smoke pot or can't drink all month, you start thinking about, oh, we're at the home stretch, November 1st, around the corner.

00:20:42.000 I don't really feel like I need to get high.

00:20:44.000 It's not like I need a drink tomorrow.

00:20:46.000 But it's knowing that I can't do it for the month, where it hangs over your head.

00:20:51.000 So that's what's even more impressive, that you could kick it.

00:20:55.000 Because it's not just the fact that you have a physical problem. 0.91

00:21:00.000 But you also have this psychological problem.

00:21:03.000 Like the psychological part of it is like it's a pattern that you're comfortable with.

00:21:07.000 You got used to that pattern of 8 o'clock, you're looking for the coke, you go and do it, and then you're off.

00:21:13.000 It's like you're off, even though you're in chaos, your life's in disarray, and you're in the grips of addiction, you're comfortable with that feeling.

00:21:19.000 You've been there before. 0.99

00:21:20.000 And for whatever reason, when people get used to fucking up, and they go, why do I keep fucking up? 0.99

00:21:25.000 One of the reasons you keep fucking up is because you're used to fucking up. 0.99

00:21:28.000 And it's not an uncomfortable feeling in the sense that you know it. 1.00

00:21:32.000 It might suck, but it's the devil you know.

00:21:37.000 That was nice.

00:21:38.000 I didn't want to do it and I still did it.

00:21:41.000 You understand me?

00:21:42.000 I didn't want to do it.

00:21:43.000 I didn't need to do it.

00:21:44.000 I didn't feel.

00:21:45.000 I just wanted to do it.

00:21:46.000 But it was just something to do?

00:21:47.000 It was just something to do.

00:21:49.000 Wow.

00:21:49.000 It was just something to do.

00:21:50.000 But, you know, what I tell people all the time is you want to have to quit.

00:21:54.000 It just doesn't happen.

00:21:55.000 I quit at 44. I'm no fucking genius. 0.98

00:21:59.000 But it took me two years. 0.99

00:22:00.000 It was a two-year struggle, like a personal little struggle.

00:22:04.000 When did you know that you were free?

00:22:08.000 Because you didn't go to AA? No.

00:22:10.000 Or Narcotics Anonymous?

00:22:11.000 No.

00:22:11.000 I went to one meeting, an AA meeting.

00:22:13.000 I went in Hollywood, which everything is good until you go to it in Hollywood.

00:22:18.000 Because in Hollywood, you add the dramatic and the actor image to it. 0.99

00:22:24.000 If you go to an AA meeting in Jersey, they're in there smoking camel reds, fucking talking from the heart. 1.00

00:22:31.000 You go to an AA meeting in Hollywood, you got people with AA tattoos on their arm. 1.00

00:22:36.000 Hugging each other, you know, it's a fucking jamboree. 0.98

00:22:39.000 They're just happy to be in AA, like it's a new clan that they're in. 0.97

00:22:42.000 And then what happens is, after about two months in this area, for some reason, I've noticed, because I have a lot of friends in AA, somebody approaches you and says, hi, you know, what's going on?

00:22:53.000 And you're like, I'm struggling.

00:22:54.000 They're like, why have you seen Dr. Bob?

00:22:56.000 They're like, Dr. Bob.

00:22:58.000 I'm just making this name up.

00:23:00.000 They're like, Dr. Bob, oh my God.

00:23:02.000 Tell him about Dr. Bob.

00:23:03.000 Tell Joe about Dr. Bob.

00:23:04.000 Oh, Dr. Bob has changed your whole life.

00:23:06.000 So basically, you'll see Dr. Bob. 0.99

00:23:08.000 He gives you a bullshit, referendum, whatever. 1.00

00:23:12.000 Prescription? 1.00

00:23:12.000 What you have. 1.00

00:23:13.000 Oh, you're bipolar.

00:23:14.000 Diagnosis, right? 0.91

00:23:15.000 You're this.

00:23:16.000 Now they start shooting at her all at you. 1.00

00:23:18.000 All the other shit at you. 1.00

00:23:19.000 So you're really not sober. 1.00

00:23:22.000 You're really not sober.

00:23:24.000 You see, now after I got clean, I discovered I had a problem.

00:23:28.000 I discovered I was bipolar or Johnny Gubatz or this or that or this. 0.98

00:23:33.000 Now that medication they give you, you know, on top of the opiate epidemic, how bad a fucking Adderall? 0.99

00:23:40.000 How fucked up is Adderall? 0.99

00:23:42.000 We have someone every month that's on Adderall when they're doing the podcast, and it's obvious. 1.00

00:23:47.000 Yes! 0.99

00:23:47.000 They can't shut the fuck up. 0.99

00:23:49.000 They talk at a very fast pace. 0.99

00:23:50.000 They're really excited.

00:23:51.000 They've got just a little bit too much energy.

00:23:52.000 There's something about them that you just know.

00:23:54.000 And you just, like, you could tell.

00:23:55.000 And you're like, whoa, whoa, slow down.

00:23:57.000 Sometimes I'll offer them a drink. 0.99

00:23:59.000 I mean, I've had people on the podcast where I tried to figure out what the fuck was going on. 0.85

00:24:02.000 And then later on in the podcast, they told me they did Adderall. 0.94

00:24:05.000 And I was like, okay.

00:24:07.000 All right, now I get it.

00:24:08.000 Now I know where all this tension is coming from. 0.99

00:24:10.000 Remember the crazy chick we knew that used to take two Adderalls and fucking the chick in West Palm or something used to drink? 1.00

00:24:15.000 Oh, dude, everybody does. 0.98

00:24:17.000 Do you know how many people do it?

00:24:19.000 No.

00:24:20.000 I'm getting stunned.

00:24:21.000 All my, like, the families that I know, like, with my kids or friends with their kids, and I get to know these people. 0.98

00:24:29.000 Fucking, all these, like, successful suburban people are doing Adderall all the time. 0.97

00:24:35.000 That's how they get through work. 1.00

00:24:36.000 That's how they become successful.

00:24:38.000 They're always hustling.

00:24:39.000 They're always getting things done. 1.00

00:24:41.000 And these motherfuckers, they always want the newest shit. 1.00

00:24:44.000 They want the newest watch. 1.00

00:24:45.000 Oh, is that the newest Hubolt?

00:24:47.000 Is that the newest this?

00:24:48.000 Is that the newest that?

00:24:49.000 Oh, he's got the Mercedes AMG. Oh, look, he's got this.

00:24:52.000 And she's there.

00:24:53.000 She bought a house in the Oaks.

00:24:54.000 Oh, you know, look at this.

00:24:56.000 And she's got that.

00:24:57.000 And look at that purse. 1.00

00:24:58.000 Where'd you get that?

00:24:59.000 I heard that's such a Hermes.

00:25:00.000 Oh, you can't get those.

00:25:02.000 All they're doing is like...

00:25:03.000 Chasing after these things so they can go places and other people will look at this new thing that they have it's very strange It's like there's one thing like if you know someone who like collects a certain thing like they're you know So we're really into fucking whatever it is old samurai swords or something like that though They love the history of it.

00:25:22.000 That's not what these people are doing They're buying things so they could bring places and other people would go So they get a feeling like a feeling of I guess a successful feeling, you know, they get a feeling from other people Recognizing that they have the latest thing like oh,

00:25:39.000 where'd you get that jacket?

00:25:40.000 Oh, look at that purse. 1.00

00:25:41.000 Oh, look at that.

00:25:42.000 What look at that chain?

00:25:44.000 How many carrots is that ring?

00:25:46.000 Let me see your ring girlfriend. 1.00

00:25:47.000 Let me see your ring amazing It's so cute.

00:25:50.000 Those shoes are so cute. 0.97

00:25:52.000 Oh my god So cute and they're just like weird fucking just Pilled up people. 0.91

00:26:00.000 Weirdo, speeded up people that are like chasing after the next object. 1.00

00:26:05.000 It's a very, it's a very strange, and they don't talk about shit. 1.00

00:26:09.000 I get together with these people, you know, because we'll have dinners together, or our families will get together, the kids will play, we'll go to a party together, and you know, a good 20% of these people do not talk about shit. 0.99

00:26:22.000 All they talk about is objects. 0.91

00:26:24.000 They talk about this object and that object and how much this is worth and how much real estate is going for here.

00:26:29.000 And that's the whole focus of conversation.

00:26:31.000 It's like an anti-human conversation because they're not talking about anything human.

00:26:36.000 They're not talking about, you know, the community, what they love about life and their experiences as a parent and none of that, man.

00:26:47.000 A lot of them don't even pay attention to their kids.

00:26:48.000 They go...

00:26:50.000 And drink and leave the kids outside. 1.00

00:26:52.000 And the kids are just fucking hitting other kids with sticks and shit and going nutty. 1.00

00:26:56.000 And then when they come out, no, my kid's a good kid. 1.00

00:26:58.000 He doesn't do that.

00:26:58.000 And then they go back inside and drink more.

00:27:00.000 And it's like crazy.

00:27:01.000 It's really interesting to see.

00:27:03.000 It's like the things that fuel success in a lot of people are in a lot of these folks.

00:27:10.000 It's like this need for material possessions and then pills.

00:27:16.000 And this is what's going on.

00:27:19.000 You and I didn't come from the best home conditions available to us. 0.99

00:27:24.000 You didn't have the fucking Brady Bunch in your house. 0.99

00:27:26.000 I'm not insulting you. 1.00

00:27:28.000 I'm just saying that you had to deliver papers and your mother had to work and Lou and the whole fucking thing. 0.99

00:27:33.000 Do you ever sit there sometimes at one of these fucking parties with these people who have everything? 1.00

00:27:37.000 Everything we didn't have and you're like, my parents were 20 times better than these fucking people as a parent. 0.99

00:27:43.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:27:44.000 Like, I'm sitting there every day now.

00:27:45.000 I'm a parent.

00:27:46.000 I go to pools.

00:27:46.000 I go to gymnastics tonight.

00:27:48.000 I got a fucking recital. 1.00

00:27:49.000 I mean, I have to do this. 1.00

00:27:50.000 It's like who the fucking part of my... 0.99

00:27:52.000 I am. 1.00

00:27:53.000 But I see these people that do this shit, and I'm like, my mother was a fucking bookie. 1.00

00:27:59.000 My mother owned a bar and she was a drunk. 1.00

00:28:02.000 And she was a way better parent than these fucking guys. 1.00

00:28:05.000 Because she was there. 1.00

00:28:06.000 Is that what it is?

00:28:08.000 Is that what it is?

00:28:08.000 I think what we're talking about with this pill thing, there's a lot of people that are on antidepressants.

00:28:13.000 There's a lot of people that are on Adderall.

00:28:15.000 There's a lot of people that are on Xanax.

00:28:17.000 There's a lot of people that are on a lot of weird disassociatives.

00:28:21.000 And these disassociative pills, you see it in how they interact with their children.

00:28:27.000 They just zone out.

00:28:29.000 They're not there.

00:28:30.000 Even if you're stressed out about your kid, you're interacting with your kid, at least the kid knows you're communicating with them.

00:28:36.000 The kid's probably not happy that you're stressed out, but at least you're there. 0.99

00:28:39.000 When you're zoned out on pills and staring at the fucking clouds, It's just, it's just not, it's not a good way for human beings to interact with each other, where you're hopped up on some weird shit. 0.99

00:28:53.000 And I think, I mean, I don't know what the actual numbers are, but in the communities that I associate with, I would say a good solid half of these fucking people are pilled up. 0.99

00:29:02.000 A good solid half. 0.99

00:29:03.000 They're either pilled up on Xanax.

00:29:05.000 What's really hilarious is I've talked to some of these people and they're like, I don't know how you smoke pot every day. 1.00

00:29:10.000 I'm like, bitch, you take a Xanax every morning. 1.00

00:29:13.000 Every morning you take a Xanax. 1.00

00:29:14.000 I know a lady who takes a Xanax every time she gets in her car. 1.00

00:29:18.000 She's like, there's too much traffic.

00:29:19.000 Pops a Xanax.

00:29:20.000 For traffic, they pop a Xanax to go to sleep.

00:29:23.000 They pop a Xanax because they have to fly.

00:29:25.000 Oh, I have to fly.

00:29:26.000 I need a Xanax.

00:29:27.000 I need an edible.

00:29:28.000 Yeah.

00:29:29.000 For those four-hour flights, I just can't sit there no more.

00:29:31.000 Well, those edibles make you think about the universe.

00:29:34.000 I mean, people say, oh, that's an excuse. 0.58

00:29:36.000 And I'm not trying to be a hypocrite here.

00:29:38.000 It's a different thing, though. 0.99

00:29:39.000 When I have Mercy in the morning, I don't fucking get high. 0.98

00:29:42.000 Like, I don't get high. 0.98

00:29:43.000 Like, I have her in the morning before school, and I drive her.

00:29:45.000 Because I've got to walk into school, so I don't want to reek like it.

00:29:48.000 They already warned me one time.

00:29:50.000 They warned you to smell like reefer?

00:29:51.000 I went to pick her up, and one of the teachers came over. 0.99

00:29:52.000 She goes, last Friday, you were kicking.

00:29:55.000 You were pungent last Friday, so I can't embarrass my daughter.

00:29:59.000 So I try not to...

00:30:00.000 That was it.

00:30:00.000 That was it once they said it.

00:30:02.000 That's funny.

00:30:03.000 Then the afternoons, you know, I take my chances. 0.98

00:30:05.000 I get high, go to the gymnast class or the swimming or the ballet or whatever the fuck we have to do. 0.83

00:30:09.000 And then after that, you know, I'm out with my friends or doing a podcast or doing comedy. 0.96

00:30:14.000 So, but Adderall, I don't have beer in my house, Joe Rogan.

00:30:18.000 You don't really drink.

00:30:20.000 I don't want alcohol in my house.

00:30:24.000 Now that I have a child, I don't want alcohol in my house. 0.58

00:30:26.000 Well, I'll tell you what, if there was one thing that I could kick... 0.99

00:30:30.000 That, you know, like this sober October shit, like if I could, if I had to choose, like for the rest of my life, no booze or no pot, I would say no booze in a heartbeat. 0.99

00:30:38.000 Yeah, but I like a cold Heineken once a month. 0.99

00:30:40.000 Oh, cold, cold Heineken once a month is fucking delicious. 0.95

00:30:44.000 But I get something out of pot. 0.99

00:30:46.000 I get, like, sensitivity.

00:30:48.000 I get community.

00:30:49.000 I get compassion.

00:30:51.000 I get introspective thinking.

00:30:53.000 I start, I examine myself more.

00:30:56.000 I become more humble.

00:30:58.000 I get something out of it.

00:30:59.000 I get, like, real benefits out of pot.

00:31:01.000 Like, a lot of the benefits that some people would call paranoia.

00:31:05.000 Or, you know, that people, they freak out because, you know, they think the walls are closing in.

00:31:10.000 I love that.

00:31:11.000 Yeah, it's good for you.

00:31:11.000 I love that.

00:31:12.000 I live in that world. 0.98

00:31:13.000 I fucking love it. 1.00

00:31:15.000 I love somebody telling me I'm a loser. 1.00

00:31:17.000 Get it together. 0.99

00:31:18.000 You haven't done dick today. 1.00

00:31:19.000 How the fuck can you watch TV? I'll tell you what I'm proud of. 1.00

00:31:25.000 I'm very proud of Burke Kreischer.

00:31:28.000 For cooking the booze this month?

00:31:29.000 I hope he stays off of it.

00:31:32.000 Or at least regulates it.

00:31:33.000 What do you think a rehab is?

00:31:35.000 You put these guys in rehab this month.

00:31:37.000 What do you think a rehab is?

00:31:38.000 A rehab is just to let you know where you stand.

00:31:41.000 60 days of you not doing a certain something makes you know where you stand.

00:31:46.000 And sometimes you go, you know what, Joe Rogan, I'm not going to smoke pop, but I'm going to have my drink twice a week.

00:31:51.000 That's cool, too.

00:31:53.000 Bert has a problem flying. 0.99

00:31:55.000 He likes to fucking get twisted. 0.99

00:31:58.000 But Bert's what you call a social drinker. 0.99

00:32:00.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:32:01.000 It's from fucking Florida. 1.00

00:32:02.000 You know, they wake up, they have their little fucking cocktail, whatever, then they take a nap, they go to the beach. 1.00

00:32:08.000 You and I don't know that life. 0.99

00:32:09.000 I've never lived that life of drinking all day and then taking a nap.

00:32:14.000 Bert's a real soldier, you know. 0.99

00:32:15.000 Bert's not fucking around. 0.98

00:32:17.000 Bert's not an amateur show. 0.99

00:32:18.000 Bert's the real deal.

00:32:20.000 I saw him running a couple days.

00:32:22.000 I saw him running.

00:32:22.000 I threw my car at him one day.

00:32:24.000 He was running at me and shit with his little thing. 0.99

00:32:26.000 I just took the car and just started going at him. 0.99

00:32:28.000 And he's like...

00:32:29.000 And all of a sudden he looked at me and was like...

00:32:32.000 Because he's in my neighborhood.

00:32:33.000 So I watched him a lot.

00:32:35.000 I went over there.

00:32:36.000 I tried to get him high.

00:32:37.000 He wouldn't fold.

00:32:39.000 So I'm really proud of him.

00:32:41.000 Ari was going to bring drug tests the other day. 1.00

00:32:45.000 I was on number 13, I think.

00:32:48.000 And they were on number 14. And Ari was going to stop at CVS and pick up those marijuana tests.

00:32:55.000 He just didn't have the time.

00:32:57.000 No, I'm very proud of Burke.

00:32:58.000 And all this is going to let you do, look, even you with the reefer now, it's going to let you know that you didn't have to smile.

00:33:05.000 It's like when I went to prison.

00:33:06.000 The hardest thing about prison wasn't going to prison, you know.

00:33:09.000 It was, how am I going to live without my marijuana?

00:33:12.000 Really? 0.99

00:33:12.000 How am I going to fucking sleep? 0.99

00:33:14.000 I wasn't worried about nothing else in prison except marijuana. 0.99

00:33:18.000 Did you get any in prison?

00:33:19.000 No.

00:33:20.000 You could.

00:33:21.000 50 bucks for two joints.

00:33:22.000 Brown weed.

00:33:23.000 I wasn't doing that.

00:33:24.000 But after the first week, you learn about yourself.

00:33:28.000 You learn that you could go without, which is one of the strongest things that could happen to somebody. 0.99

00:33:34.000 It's like when you're in love with that girl, and you're destroying your life, you're quitting your job, and you drink, and you act like an asshole, and then she goes away to Hawaii for two weeks. 1.00

00:33:44.000 After 10 days, you're like, fuck that bitch. 1.00

00:33:48.000 When do you think people get divorced? 1.00

00:33:49.000 When their wives leave for 10 days? 0.97

00:33:52.000 Their wife goes back to see the mother and you're sitting there going, what am I doing with myself?

00:33:57.000 I'm much happier in this house.

00:33:58.000 I could put her in the back somewhere and not see. 0.94

00:34:01.000 You know, that's what happens.

00:34:02.000 When you realize you could do without, that's one of the biggest things in your world that could happen to you.

00:34:07.000 You have no idea.

00:34:09.000 Well, you don't think you could do it out in the beginning because you think maybe you could possibly get her back.

00:34:13.000 If you can get her back, everything's going to be good.

00:34:14.000 You got this bad feeling because she's thinking about leaving.

00:34:16.000 You're like, oh, no.

00:34:17.000 She's going to leave.

00:34:18.000 Maybe I could talk her back in. 0.63

00:34:19.000 Maybe I could buy her something.

00:34:20.000 Maybe I could do something.

00:34:21.000 Maybe I could change my ways.

00:34:22.000 And I'll bring her back.

00:34:23.000 And I'll bring her back.

00:34:24.000 And everything's going to be fine.

00:34:25.000 But everything is fine.

00:34:27.000 And if she leaves, you'll just meet somebody else.

00:34:30.000 That's it.

00:34:30.000 Just come on.

00:34:31.000 Relax.

00:34:32.000 It's like when I gave up sodas.

00:34:33.000 I never thought I could give up a Coke. 1.00

00:34:36.000 Are you fucking crazy? 1.00

00:34:37.000 Do you like those Zevias? 1.00

00:34:38.000 Do you like those things?

00:34:39.000 What's Zevia?

00:34:40.000 Jamie, go get him something.

00:34:41.000 What's a Zevia? 0.99

00:34:42.000 Zevia.

00:34:43.000 They're sodas that are flavored with Stevia. 0.99

00:34:46.000 People think I'm doing a fucking commercial for these things. 0.99

00:34:49.000 They haven't paid me a nickel. 0.99

00:34:50.000 I'm not taking any of their money.

00:34:52.000 They're soda, but they're flavored with Stevia. 0.99

00:34:57.000 No shit. 0.99

00:34:57.000 No sugar at all. 0.99

00:34:58.000 Coca-Cola?

00:34:59.000 They have, like, raspberry.

00:35:01.000 They have root beers.

00:35:03.000 They have, like, one that's like a 7-Up.

00:35:06.000 They have one that's like a grapefruit soda.

00:35:08.000 They have a bunch of different ones, man. 0.99

00:35:10.000 They're fucking great. 0.97

00:35:11.000 I love them. 0.98

00:35:11.000 I'm so hooked on water now. 0.98

00:35:13.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:35:14.000 Water's great, too. 0.99

00:35:15.000 I don't give a fuck anymore. 0.99

00:35:16.000 Diet Coke. 1.00

00:35:16.000 I drink the shit out of these stupid things, though. 1.00

00:35:18.000 Oh, they do have a cola one, right? 1.00

00:35:19.000 Yeah.

00:35:19.000 Give them that cream soda.

00:35:20.000 That one's the shit. 1.00

00:35:22.000 That right there. 1.00

00:35:22.000 Bam. 1.00

00:35:23.000 Diet Coke sucks. 0.98

00:35:27.000 About a month ago, I was on a plane, and I was a little, you know, loopy, and I just said, let me try a Coke. 0.99

00:35:32.000 I go, let me get a Coke. 0.98

00:35:34.000 I couldn't even finish the little fucking eight-ounce glass. 0.99

00:35:36.000 Really? 0.99

00:35:37.000 It was too sweet.

00:35:38.000 Oh, I had some the other day accidentally.

00:35:40.000 It was a late-night drive-thru.

00:35:41.000 I was starving coming home from the store, and I got a burger, and I asked for a Diet Coke, and they gave me a regular Coke, and I went, oh, this is so good.

00:35:48.000 It was so delicious.

00:35:50.000 Once a month, I'm going to give myself a Coke, an actual Coca-Cola once a month.

00:35:54.000 And then get the Mexican ones with the real... 0.97

00:35:57.000 You got to go to a taco joint for those, right?

00:36:00.000 Yeah, Cactus.

00:36:00.000 Go to Cactus, where you guys usually go right there.

00:36:03.000 They're fucking good. 0.99

00:36:04.000 But once you realize... 1.00

00:36:05.000 I grew up in Jersey.

00:36:07.000 I got a sandwich, I got a bag of chips.

00:36:09.000 Right.

00:36:09.000 It's not the sandwich that kills you.

00:36:11.000 It's a bag of chips. 0.99

00:36:12.000 If I have a turkey with Swiss and avocado, I'm not gonna fucking die. 1.00

00:36:15.000 It's the fucking 22-ounce bag of chips. 0.99

00:36:18.000 All those things, once you give them up, like I had to give them up with Weight Watchers, they were tough. 0.99

00:36:23.000 Potatoes were breakfast.

00:36:25.000 That was tough?

00:36:25.000 That was tough.

00:36:26.000 That fills you up.

00:36:27.000 For me, when switching over to In-N-Out and getting a double-double with the lettuce...

00:36:33.000 With lettuce wrapping on the top of it instead of buns.

00:36:36.000 Gorilla style, whatever that is.

00:36:36.000 It's called protein style?

00:36:37.000 Protein style.

00:36:38.000 That's the way to go. 0.99

00:36:39.000 Because you still enjoy the shit out of it. 0.99

00:36:40.000 It tastes amazing, but you're not getting all that bread. 0.98

00:36:42.000 It's still fantastic.

00:36:44.000 And it's really not bad for you.

00:36:46.000 I mean, it's just ground beef, cheese, lettuce.

00:36:50.000 I mean, there's nothing terrible for you there. 0.80

00:36:53.000 I just think that when you spend too much time eating shitty food, your body is going to just feel terrible. 0.60

00:37:02.000 But if you can just limit that shitty food to occasionally, then you'll appreciate and enjoy it just for fun. 0.96

00:37:08.000 Have a meatball sub. 0.95

00:37:10.000 Yeah, every now and then.

00:37:12.000 You know, Cavaretta's?

00:37:14.000 You ever go to Cavaretta's out here?

00:37:15.000 Yeah, with you.

00:37:15.000 Yeah.

00:37:15.000 That fucking place is so good.

00:37:17.000 I get a sausage and pepper sub there every now and then. 1.00

00:37:22.000 With real Italian bread. 0.93

00:37:23.000 I mean, it's a fucking thick, outer crust Italian bread where you clamp it down and it's hard on the outside but soft on the inside and you bite into that and you feel that real juicy Italian sausage and that marinara sauce. 0.98

00:37:37.000 I got two weeks, dude. 0.98

00:37:38.000 I got two weeks.

00:37:39.000 Two weeks?

00:37:40.000 I go home in two weeks.

00:37:41.000 Oh, you're going home in two weeks.

00:37:42.000 I save everything for when I go home. 1.00

00:37:44.000 I don't fuck around no more. 0.99

00:37:46.000 I don't eat Chinese food out here no more. 1.00

00:37:49.000 I don't do none of that shit out here no more. 0.99

00:37:50.000 What about pizza? 1.00

00:37:52.000 Do you fuck around with pizza? 1.00

00:37:53.000 Why? 1.00

00:37:53.000 I got a place by my house. 1.00

00:37:56.000 I got to tell you something.

00:37:57.000 If I walk in there with you, you'll drive down.

00:37:59.000 Really?

00:37:59.000 Yeah, it's that good.

00:38:00.000 Is that good?

00:38:01.000 Don't take the pie to go.

00:38:02.000 No?

00:38:03.000 You gotta eat it there?

00:38:03.000 You gotta eat it there.

00:38:04.000 You gotta eat it crisp.

00:38:05.000 You gotta get the slices that are rotating. 1.00

00:38:08.000 You bring that pie home, it's like a fucking falafel. 0.99

00:38:11.000 Like, you gotta bring it home and put it in your oven all over again. 1.00

00:38:14.000 That's the secret.

00:38:15.000 Like, you have to put it in your oven all over again.

00:38:16.000 You know what no one does right here?

00:38:18.000 White pizza.

00:38:19.000 No, because nobody's Catholic. 0.99

00:38:21.000 There was a fucking, there's a pizza place in White Plains, New York, down the street from Executive Billiards. 0.99

00:38:27.000 I think it was Nicky's, Nicky's Pizzeria. 0.99

00:38:29.000 And they had this fucking white cheese slice, this white pizza slice with, and it had like, you could see the olive oil and butter in the pizza and the garlic, and you would bite into it and you'd be like, holy Christ! 0.97

00:38:42.000 And the crust of the pizza underneath is just like, just the right amount of cooked, Where there was like a little bit of just a slight burn to the crust and you're biting into it and you're just feeling the cheese and the dough and all the sauces and the whoo! 0.99

00:39:00.000 Oh, what's some fucking...

00:39:01.000 During Lent when you grow up back there and you go to your friend's house on Friday and they get like mussels and red sauce. 0.99

00:39:07.000 Nicky's, that's the place. 0.99

00:39:09.000 And white fucking pizza. 1.00

00:39:10.000 We'd walk to that place right from Executive Billions, right down the street. 1.00

00:39:14.000 Fucking phenomenal place. 0.99

00:39:16.000 Saw a good street fight there once. 0.99

00:39:19.000 And here's the other thing that bothers me the most.

00:39:22.000 You know what a slice is? 0.99

00:39:23.000 You know what a fucking slice is? 1.00

00:39:25.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:39:25.000 Is a move. 1.00

00:39:27.000 A slice is a thing of a move.

00:39:29.000 Okay?

00:39:29.000 What's a slice of a move?

00:39:31.000 A slice of a move is you mean you're on the fucking move. 0.99

00:39:34.000 When I come in to see Joe's Pizza and I go, oh, let me get two cheese to go. 0.99

00:39:38.000 And you give them to me and I fold them up.

00:39:40.000 I eat one there.

00:39:41.000 And you take one with you.

00:39:42.000 And one to go.

00:39:43.000 Go get a slice in Hollywood somewhere.

00:39:44.000 What happens?

00:39:46.000 They take it.

00:39:47.000 They write a receipt.

00:39:48.000 They hang it up.

00:39:49.000 And some other guy comes, takes the slice off, puts it in.

00:39:52.000 You have to wait for 10 minutes. 1.00

00:39:54.000 Then they come with a number and they give you the fucking slice. 1.00

00:39:56.000 Listen, do it all one shot. 1.00

00:39:58.000 Use your dirty hands. 0.99

00:39:59.000 It ain't gonna kill me. 1.00

00:40:00.000 It ain't gonna kill me. 1.00

00:40:01.000 I don't give a fuck if you scratch your ass. 1.00

00:40:03.000 Throw the fuck the heat from the oven or kill the germs. 1.00

00:40:06.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:40:06.000 Just throw the slicing. 1.00

00:40:08.000 Everything's a process.

00:40:09.000 A slice, that's the whole thing of a slice.

00:40:12.000 Well, everything's corporate.

00:40:13.000 Yeah, it's a move. 1.00

00:40:14.000 I don't like that shit. 1.00

00:40:15.000 I know what you mean. 1.00

00:40:16.000 Everything has become corporate.

00:40:18.000 And these places, you're never going to get that old, small restaurant feel from a place like this that you'll get from a place like Nicky's Pizzeria, you know?

00:40:28.000 And the flavors are different.

00:40:31.000 We've talked about this before.

00:40:32.000 I don't know what it is, and I've heard people say it's the water, but whatever it is.

00:40:36.000 The place down the block from Gotham.

00:40:39.000 That's when I can do Gotham.

00:40:41.000 I'll show you the slice right here.

00:40:43.000 I even took a picture of it. 1.00

00:40:44.000 They got a sausage stromboli in there that'll make your asshole fall out. 1.00

00:40:51.000 I just took a bite of it. 1.00

00:40:52.000 I won't eat a whole stromboli.

00:40:53.000 That's a heart attack at night.

00:40:55.000 That's a delicious meal.

00:40:56.000 What, a stromboli?

00:40:57.000 Yeah, but that's a heart attack.

00:40:58.000 You know who else got a good stromboli?

00:41:01.000 Vegas.

00:41:02.000 Vegas?

00:41:02.000 I heard there's a place in Vegas that you got a stromboli and they have couches in the back.

00:41:07.000 Well, they must have leftover guineas from when the mob ran Vegas, right?

00:41:15.000 You used to go to a place that Eppoli used to take you to, the Italian pool place.

00:41:20.000 Oh, yeah, that place went under, unfortunately.

00:41:23.000 Did it?

00:41:24.000 Yeah, it did.

00:41:24.000 That place was fantastic.

00:41:26.000 That was some of the best Italian food in Vegas, and you would get it at a pool hall.

00:41:30.000 It was so weird.

00:41:31.000 Look how beautiful that slices. 1.00

00:41:32.000 Look at the fucking sauces tromboli my niece got. 1.00

00:41:35.000 That's like a florist. 1.00

00:41:38.000 Yeah, this is a hard attack.

00:41:39.000 Taking pictures of beautiful flowers.

00:41:40.000 Oh, no, no, no.

00:41:42.000 This is Dos Hermanos Cuban Restaurant.

00:41:44.000 They've been serving Cuban steak sandwiches since 1960. Wow.

00:41:48.000 That's all they do.

00:41:50.000 That's all they do.

00:41:51.000 Cuban steak sandwiches.

00:41:52.000 Where's that place?

00:41:53.000 West New York, New Jersey.

00:41:55.000 Wow.

00:41:56.000 That's the place.

00:41:56.000 You took pictures of pizza?

00:41:57.000 Bro, that's beauty.

00:41:58.000 That's Mona Lisa in my world.

00:42:01.000 Look at the stromboli.

00:42:02.000 Look at the counter. 1.00

00:42:02.000 Look at the fucking stromboli. 1.00

00:42:04.000 Look at the counter. 1.00

00:42:05.000 His phone is filled with pictures of food.

00:42:07.000 Look at the lobster tails.

00:42:09.000 The one from Jersey with the cream in them.

00:42:12.000 Oh, nice.

00:42:12.000 This place here, you can't...

00:42:13.000 All those Italian fucking cookies. 1.00

00:42:16.000 Look at that. 1.00

00:42:17.000 Look at that fucking... 1.00

00:42:18.000 What is that? 1.00

00:42:20.000 What do you call those?

00:42:21.000 Cannolis, right?

00:42:21.000 Yeah, cannolis.

00:42:22.000 Look at that fucking cannoli. 1.00

00:42:23.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

00:42:25.000 You get more!

00:42:28.000 I don't take pictures of my kids.

00:42:31.000 I take pictures of food. 1.00

00:42:32.000 Fuck the kid. 1.00

00:42:33.000 Give me pictures of food. 1.00

00:42:37.000 It's all food.

00:42:38.000 No, every time I go to New York, I just take pictures so I can show people here what they're missing.

00:42:43.000 Like, this is what...

00:42:45.000 Doing this yoga thing where I did 9, 10 yoga classes in a row, whatever it was.

00:42:50.000 I think it was 10. I'm hungry all the time.

00:42:53.000 Because I'm doing 90 minutes of yoga every day.

00:42:56.000 Every single day.

00:42:57.000 Not a day off for 9 days.

00:42:59.000 Whatever it was.

00:42:59.000 Let's say it was 9. But even if it was 9...

00:43:02.000 I took a day off before that, and I did two days in a row.

00:43:05.000 So, it's like, over the last couple of days, or last couple of weeks, it was 11 classes.

00:43:12.000 Mostly in a row.

00:43:13.000 And just always hungry.

00:43:14.000 Just constantly hungry.

00:43:16.000 Like, your body's just craving it. 0.99

00:43:17.000 And so I've been eating all sorts of shit that I never allowed myself to eat. 0.99

00:43:20.000 Like, late night, like, grabbing a burger. 0.99

00:43:22.000 I had a Wendy's burger last night coming home from the store.

00:43:26.000 Not good for you.

00:43:28.000 But it felt good.

00:43:30.000 Well, you burn right through that.

00:43:31.000 I do work out a lot, but still not the smartest thing to do.

00:43:36.000 I feel so much better when I don't do that.

00:43:38.000 When I just limit myself to that like once a week, I feel so much better.

00:43:42.000 But I don't necessarily think it's good to do anything nine days in a row.

00:43:47.000 I just feel like your body is just like, I've got a weird hamstring pull that's going on right now.

00:43:52.000 Everything feels like a little worn out.

00:43:54.000 You didn't run this month?

00:43:56.000 I didn't run but one day the first week of the month.

00:44:01.000 I lifted weights a couple times here and there, but almost the entire month has been yoga.

00:44:07.000 So far I went to eight jiu-jitsu's.

00:44:09.000 Eight.

00:44:09.000 You know, when I go on the road I do elliptical and the weights.

00:44:13.000 And then I do this little fucking kettlebell crawl. 0.98

00:44:16.000 Little steel back in my backyard. 0.99

00:44:18.000 Just to get that hip thing going. 1.00

00:44:20.000 So I laid this little thing.

00:44:21.000 Is that Alberto Galazzi stuff?

00:44:23.000 No.

00:44:24.000 Somebody told me to crawl.

00:44:25.000 And I started crawling like you're in the army.

00:44:27.000 Like in your backyard.

00:44:28.000 And I started crawling. 0.99

00:44:28.000 I fucking love it. 0.99

00:44:29.000 Just crawl around your yard? 0.99

00:44:30.000 Yeah.

00:44:30.000 Just crawl around.

00:44:31.000 Pull yourself on your hips and shit. 1.00

00:44:33.000 Do all this shit. 1.00

00:44:33.000 Pull on your elbows. 1.00

00:44:35.000 I like it, so I've been doing that.

00:44:37.000 Well, when the gym's installed, the gym's gonna be installed here in two weeks.

00:44:39.000 You gotta come by.

00:44:40.000 We'll do a workout.

00:44:41.000 No, I want you to teach me the darts and all that stuff.

00:44:45.000 The half guard and all that stuff.

00:44:46.000 That would be great.

00:44:47.000 Sure.

00:44:48.000 That's great that you got this place. 1.00

00:44:49.000 This is a fucking big place. 1.00

00:44:51.000 Crazy place, right? 0.99

00:44:52.000 But this place, we're going to do all kinds of stuff here.

00:44:55.000 We're going to have it set up where people can follow along to workouts.

00:44:58.000 I'm going to get someone to guide us through a workout.

00:45:02.000 And I'll say, hey, everybody grab a 35-pound kettlebell.

00:45:05.000 We're going to go through this.

00:45:06.000 Like that Keith Weber guy that I've had on before.

00:45:08.000 Keith Weber, I'll get him to come up here and teach that kettlebell extreme cardio workout. 0.91

00:45:13.000 It's a fucking phenomenal workout that you can do with one 35-pound kettlebell. 0.87

00:45:17.000 And you'll pick up a 35-pound kettlebell. 0.99

00:45:18.000 You're like, what a fucking workout am I going to get with this little ball? 0.99

00:45:21.000 It does it. 1.00

00:45:22.000 Five minutes in, you'll be dying.

00:45:24.000 Guaranteed.

00:45:24.000 100%.

00:45:25.000 Even if you're in good shape.

00:45:26.000 It's hard. 0.98

00:45:27.000 If you're not used to that workout, it is fucking hard. 0.97

00:45:29.000 And by the time the thing's over, my legs are on fire. 0.98

00:45:32.000 Just 35 pounds?

00:45:33.000 35 pounds. 1.00

00:45:34.000 And what kind of shit are you doing? 1.00

00:45:35.000 Okay. 1.00

00:45:36.000 Clean presses over and over again, hot potatoes back and forth, renegade rows.

00:45:42.000 You're doing like a push-up with one hand on the kettlebell, switch to the other side, push up with the other one, doing them passing in between your legs, and you're going one after the other, one after the other.

00:45:51.000 Windmills over and over, clean press, snatches, and you're doing these in succession over and over again.

00:45:56.000 Switch to this side, switch to the other side, 10 on this side, 10 on that side.

00:46:00.000 You know, and we're talking about like a 45-minute workout.

00:46:03.000 We have them.

00:46:04.000 You can buy them all over the places, but we have them on it.

00:46:08.000 He's got three of them out, three different workouts. 0.99

00:46:10.000 They're fucking crazy DVDs. 0.95

00:46:13.000 I mean, this guy, he's a trainer up in Canada. 0.99

00:46:16.000 He's just in tremendous shape, but the videos are so good.

00:46:19.000 Because it's one of the few videos where a lot of these kettlebell workout videos, like people are teaching you proper form, which is all important.

00:46:26.000 You know, it's real important to learn proper form, learn where to...

00:46:29.000 Keep the weight balanced, keep your weight in your heels, and keep your feet flat on the ground.

00:46:33.000 All the different things that they want you to stress about various individual movements. 0.95

00:46:38.000 But Keith Weber's like, you better know all that shit, because we're just going to take you through a radical workout. 0.98

00:46:43.000 Like, ready? 0.99

00:46:43.000 Here we go. 0.99

00:46:44.000 Boom.

00:46:44.000 And he's doing it all with you.

00:46:46.000 He's doing it on the beach.

00:46:47.000 It's awesome. 1.00

00:46:48.000 Pretty crazy shit. 0.98

00:46:49.000 The other guy's good, too, from Alberto. 1.00

00:46:50.000 He's good, too.

00:46:51.000 He's got a nice little workout in the mornings.

00:46:53.000 Oh, yeah.

00:46:53.000 That's Kettle Jitsu guy?

00:46:55.000 That guy?

00:46:55.000 That place backs up at 5.30.

00:46:57.000 5.30 a.m.

00:46:58.000 I watch it online.

00:46:59.000 5.30 a.m. 0.99

00:47:01.000 He's got like fucking a stack of people in there. 0.99

00:47:04.000 And then they go right to jiu-jitsu at 6.30. 0.98

00:47:06.000 How great will it be to show up?

00:47:08.000 I gotta get up at 3 a.m.

00:47:10.000 Yeah, that's hard. 1.00

00:47:11.000 To be ready at 5.30 for that type of shit. 1.00

00:47:13.000 Have coffee. 1.00

00:47:14.000 I gotta have coffee, smoke pot, have a protein shake, ride a little bit.

00:47:18.000 Just so not to think.

00:47:19.000 Get your brain fired up.

00:47:20.000 Yeah, I can't.

00:47:21.000 I'll have a heart attack.

00:47:22.000 I just can't get up and go over that.

00:47:23.000 The good thing about doing a workout like that before jujitsu is that you'll approach jujitsu like light.

00:47:30.000 Is this him, Kettle Jitsu?

00:47:31.000 Yeah.

00:47:32.000 Yeah, he's got a good program.

00:47:34.000 Like, he's doing hip escapes.

00:47:35.000 He's calling it snake moves while he's holding onto a kettlebell at the same time.

00:47:39.000 That's phenomenal for your core.

00:47:40.000 These rocking chair get-ups.

00:47:42.000 You know what I really like, man?

00:47:44.000 I do these sit-ups with kettlebells where I put two 55-pound kettlebells.

00:47:50.000 Or 50-pound kettlebells over my feet.

00:47:52.000 I put my feet through the handles, and then I put two in my hands.

00:47:56.000 And I lay back on my back, and I press them up, and then I sit up with them pressed up.

00:48:01.000 And I do my sit-ups that way.

00:48:03.000 And it just makes your core, your ab muscles, just so goddamn strong.

00:48:07.000 I get the 25 you give me. 0.82

00:48:08.000 I don't tie my feet. 0.99

00:48:10.000 And what I do is I go back, and then when I go this way, I do like a fucking burpee to get my legs going. 0.97

00:48:17.000 That one's a little too rough on my back, but I do that in the end. 0.97

00:48:20.000 And then stand back up, all the way up?

00:48:22.000 No!

00:48:23.000 I just boom, bam!

00:48:25.000 And then go back, and then boom, bam!

00:48:26.000 At least, it's like I'm...

00:48:28.000 Getting onto a table.

00:48:30.000 That's what I'm doing, getting to a table. 0.99

00:48:31.000 I wanted to strengthen all that shit. 0.99

00:48:33.000 And it helped me strengthen my back doing all that stuff. 0.99

00:48:36.000 Those are great workouts because it's not like a glamorous thing where it pumps you up, it makes you look jacked, but it's just great for your body.

00:48:44.000 It's great for your circulation.

00:48:46.000 I throw the bag in there.

00:48:48.000 Oh yeah?

00:48:48.000 So to warm up, I open up with the bag.

00:48:50.000 Very lightly, five minutes close distance, then spread out, punches, blah, blah, blah.

00:48:54.000 Just get everything moving.

00:48:56.000 Then push up, stretch. 0.96

00:48:57.000 Once you do 20 minutes of that, then I start doing my stretches to really get the muscle warm.

00:49:02.000 Then I go back, now I start throwing kicks.

00:49:04.000 That kills Uncle Joey.

00:49:06.000 Once I start throwing the kicks, kicks, kicks, kicks, then I crawl.

00:49:09.000 Then I do my cleans.

00:49:10.000 I do all the Alberto Galazzi stuff with a 15-pounder now.

00:49:14.000 Instead of using the kettlebells for swings that were in the middle of my back, I use two 15s.

00:49:19.000 I turn my arms and I go up, boom, catch them.

00:49:22.000 Oh, so you're using the clubs?

00:49:24.000 Yeah, yeah, I got them from Onnit, man. 0.98

00:49:26.000 They hooked me up, so they're fucking great. 0.65

00:49:28.000 Do you ever do Turkish get-ups? 0.99

00:49:31.000 I do up to a degree.

00:49:33.000 So I take the 10, the 8, whatever it is, boom, boom, boom, and then I do like a table instead of getting all the way up.

00:49:41.000 Oh, that's good.

00:49:42.000 Yeah, no, no, no, but I got palms on my knees.

00:49:44.000 It's all, yeah, no, no, I do it, I like all that stuff.

00:49:47.000 Any of that stuff, like when you're lying down on your back and you're pressing something up, and even just getting up to your knee, it's all just about strengthening your core, you know?

00:49:56.000 Do you do anything for your legs?

00:49:58.000 Do you do bodyweight squats for your legs?

00:50:00.000 Squats?

00:50:01.000 The goblets?

00:50:01.000 You don't have to do it with weight even.

00:50:04.000 Okay, I do it.

00:50:05.000 I start with nothing, and then I work myself up to a 35 goblet.

00:50:10.000 You know what, man?

00:50:12.000 My knees are kind of funky.

00:50:13.000 Yeah, you've always had some knee issues, right?

00:50:15.000 The right one now is a little funky, so I stop with the swings.

00:50:20.000 I love cleans with kettlebells. 1.00

00:50:22.000 That's my shit. 0.99

00:50:23.000 So I like the combination clean, put my hand down and squat. 1.00

00:50:27.000 Oh, those are great.

00:50:27.000 And then I do another clean, squat, and I do five on each side.

00:50:30.000 Now, does anybody run you through a program, or do you just come up with this on your own?

00:50:34.000 Whoever I've worked with.

00:50:35.000 I take the best of what they got.

00:50:38.000 And then you just decide to do whatever you want.

00:50:40.000 Yeah, Alberto is there.

00:50:41.000 My wife got me a bag for Christmas.

00:50:44.000 I got two kettlebells from you.

00:50:46.000 Do you want to join us if we do some sort of a challenge?

00:50:49.000 Some next level challenge?

00:50:51.000 Some next thing you want to join in?

00:50:53.000 Like what kind of do?

00:50:54.000 I don't know.

00:50:55.000 I don't know.

00:50:55.000 I'm just thinking.

00:50:56.000 This is one of the things that I've realized from doing the 15 yoga classes. 0.99

00:51:00.000 I would fucking never do nine yoga classes in a row like that. 0.96

00:51:04.000 I would never do nine days in a row unless I said I was going to do it. 0.99

00:51:08.000 But once you say you're going to do something and you do it, it's not that hard.

00:51:12.000 You just wind up doing it.

00:51:14.000 You have to do it.

00:51:15.000 My alarm goes off at 7. I'm out the door.

00:51:18.000 I get to the class. 1.00

00:51:19.000 I do the fucking 90-minute class. 1.00

00:51:21.000 And then I'm done. 1.00

00:51:22.000 And then I go do my shit. 0.99

00:51:23.000 And then I know the next day, it doesn't matter if I get home from the store at 1 o'clock in the morning. 0.99

00:51:28.000 My alarm's going off at 7. I'm getting up.

00:51:30.000 I'm having a cup of coffee.

00:51:32.000 I go there fasted.

00:51:33.000 I just have coffee.

00:51:34.000 You work out early?

00:51:35.000 Yeah.

00:51:35.000 See, I don't like getting up and working out.

00:51:37.000 I'm good about 11 or 12. Well, I have an 11 o'clock podcast a lot of times.

00:51:41.000 Like today's an 11 o'clock podcast.

00:51:43.000 So I'm up, you know, I already got a 90-minute workout in.

00:51:47.000 I come here, you know, stop at like Whole Foods or something like that.

00:51:51.000 Get a coconut milk.

00:51:54.000 Eat something good.

00:51:54.000 I got the coconut milk now, and I mix it with the acai vanilla.

00:51:58.000 Jesus Christ, it's delicious.

00:52:00.000 A couple ice cubes.

00:52:01.000 Yeah, I never liked the acai vanilla, but they ran out of chocolate.

00:52:05.000 Yeah, and they started sending it to me, and I'm like, beggars can't be choosy.

00:52:08.000 Good googly boogly.

00:52:09.000 It's very good.

00:52:10.000 You know, the good thing about that hemp force protein is it's very little sugar.

00:52:14.000 That's why I use them all.

00:52:15.000 Two scoops, board ice.

00:52:17.000 A couple grams of sugar per serving.

00:52:18.000 That's it.

00:52:19.000 Sometimes coconut milk.

00:52:20.000 Yeah.

00:52:21.000 No, I like it.

00:52:22.000 I like that one.

00:52:23.000 I don't mind doing a challenge.

00:52:24.000 Here's the problem, Joe Rogan.

00:52:26.000 Here's the problem, what happens that a lot of people don't realize.

00:52:28.000 I go to jiu-jitsu, right?

00:52:30.000 Let's say I go to Alberto's, right? 1.00

00:52:33.000 Alberto's has some fucking killers in there. 0.99

00:52:35.000 So I'll do the break the guard, pass the guard, right? 1.00

00:52:38.000 A couple of those, and then we start rolling.

00:52:41.000 Well, a guy like me, an older guy, starts rolling, and after the second five-minute roll, he's opened up.

00:52:47.000 He's, oh, I'm open.

00:52:49.000 Like, I call Dolce, I'm like, Dolce, what's my problem, bro?

00:52:52.000 How come I'm not breathing?

00:52:53.000 He goes, you know how many guys go into the octagon and I gotta work them out in the back for 45 minutes before because they can't breathe either?

00:52:59.000 It's just, just go with it.

00:53:01.000 So if I do more than those two roles, it's the law of diminishing returns.

00:53:05.000 I really can't walk the next day.

00:53:07.000 It's hard.

00:53:08.000 But you've got to build up to it.

00:53:09.000 You've got to build up to it.

00:53:10.000 So that's why I like this other guy in a way.

00:53:13.000 Because you work.

00:53:15.000 One day you drill.

00:53:17.000 One day you work. 1.00

00:53:19.000 I could do weight shit. 1.00

00:53:22.000 I like weight shit. 1.00

00:53:23.000 I was thinking of joining your buddy's gym for a really good workout, Terry Norris. 1.00

00:53:27.000 Terry?

00:53:28.000 If that's the one in Studio City.

00:53:31.000 Terry Norris or Terry Claybon?

00:53:33.000 Terry Claiborne is the guy I used to train with who's in Hollywood.

00:53:36.000 No, this is Terry Norris.

00:53:37.000 And then Terry Norris is the former boxer?

00:53:38.000 Yeah, he's in Burbank.

00:53:40.000 Is he really? 1.00

00:53:41.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:53:42.000 He has a Groupon for like 30 visits for like $22. 1.00

00:53:45.000 So he's like teaching people how to box?

00:53:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:53:47.000 Terry Norris was a motherfucker. 1.00

00:53:49.000 Little corner store. 1.00

00:53:51.000 It's up the corner from...

00:53:53.000 It's up the corner from a famous bodybuilding gym, but it's right there up the corner from... 0.95

00:53:58.000 There's a fucking great restaurant there, breakfast restaurant, and he's right there. 0.96

00:54:03.000 How is he talking and everything? 0.99

00:54:05.000 Because they had a thing on him on television.

00:54:07.000 He's having some issues.

00:54:08.000 I think his wife is there, and he has somebody else there, but he's there, cuz.

00:54:13.000 Yeah, she said that it's interesting because he's got all these issues, but then once he starts hitting the bag and moving around, he comes back and he looks like Terry Norris of old.

00:54:20.000 He's just talking and struggling.

00:54:24.000 I remember seeing him once.

00:54:26.000 I was at a boxing match.

00:54:29.000 I was actually with Dom Irera, and Terry Norris was there talking to people, and this was before he had retired officially.

00:54:35.000 And he was talking to somebody, and you could hear the slur, and I was like, whoa.

00:54:40.000 I had no idea.

00:54:42.000 I had no idea it was this bad.

00:54:43.000 You know, all those guys, those guys that are in wars, like you will run into them one day and you will see it all.

00:54:51.000 You'll see the war in their voice.

00:54:52.000 You'll see it in the slurring and the weird ticks and the movements and you're like, oh, you're looking at a frazzled person.

00:55:00.000 They're, you know, they're shattered.

00:55:02.000 Did Jamie show you the hit from last night?

00:55:04.000 The what?

00:55:04.000 Can you watch the hit from football last night?

00:55:06.000 Oh no.

00:55:07.000 What happened?

00:55:09.000 Somebody get smashed?

00:55:10.000 Rough.

00:55:12.000 But you know what's crazy?

00:55:13.000 This was football 10 years ago. 0.99

00:55:15.000 Now they're fucking done. 0.99

00:55:17.000 Did I hit this hard anymore? 1.00

00:55:19.000 No, you can't.

00:55:20.000 How'd this guy get hit so hard?

00:55:22.000 Watch this.

00:55:23.000 The main issue on it is it's a quarterback play.

00:55:26.000 They do the thing where they're giving up their body.

00:55:30.000 They slide with their legs first.

00:55:31.000 They're not supposed to get hit almost anywhere.

00:55:34.000 You're maybe supposed to tap them just to let them know they're down.

00:55:38.000 So this guy gives up his legs.

00:55:40.000 Let me see if I can find the video too.

00:55:41.000 Trying to do that while I'm talking.

00:55:42.000 But he gets hit really, really hard.

00:55:45.000 And then when you see it in slow-mo, it kind of makes it a little worse.

00:55:48.000 Because the dude led with his arm.

00:55:50.000 Hits him right in the helmet.

00:55:51.000 Oh, he goes like this, Jerome.

00:55:53.000 Oh, you see him. 1.00

00:55:54.000 You're like, damn! 0.99

00:55:57.000 I'm surprised they didn't throw him out. 1.00

00:55:58.000 Like, I didn't watch the game.

00:55:59.000 When I got up this morning, it was all over the place.

00:56:01.000 Late hit, late hit.

00:56:02.000 I wonder if one day they're going to be able to figure...

00:56:04.000 Is this it right here?

00:56:05.000 Yeah.

00:56:07.000 Here he goes.

00:56:08.000 Running.

00:56:08.000 Doom!

00:56:09.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:56:12.000 Why is that guy mad?

00:56:14.000 Because it's a late hit?

00:56:15.000 They got furious at him.

00:56:17.000 Let me see it again.

00:56:18.000 They're going to show from other angles and you'll see.

00:56:21.000 Protecting the quarterback is a big deal.

00:56:23.000 That's the guy that hit him.

00:56:26.000 47. Kiki Alonzo, I think is his name.

00:56:29.000 Kiko.

00:56:31.000 And that's the guy who got hit?

00:56:32.000 Joe Flacco for the Ravens.

00:56:33.000 Alright, here we go.

00:56:34.000 He's running, he's running.

00:56:38.000 This is the angle that's a little rougher.

00:56:41.000 But he was already coming.

00:56:42.000 Like, how's he gonna stop?

00:56:44.000 It's tough.

00:56:45.000 That's the part about five feet first.

00:56:47.000 They're trained to be like, you're supposed to stop.

00:56:49.000 It's like kicking a fighter when their arms are down kind of thing.

00:56:52.000 It's a rough time.

00:56:52.000 Like, I know they changed the rule recently, but sort of the same kind of thing.

00:56:56.000 So he hit that dude even though the dude was already down.

00:56:59.000 The guy went down on his own accord.

00:57:02.000 Him sliding feet first means he's not supposed to be hitting him like that.

00:57:05.000 He should know better.

00:57:06.000 That's why everyone was mad.

00:57:07.000 That's why this coach is yelling at him right here.

00:57:08.000 So he just took a cheap shot at him.

00:57:09.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:57:10.000 And he hit him really hard, knocked him right out of the game.

00:57:13.000 So what happens to that guy, 47?

00:57:16.000 He gets a fine.

00:57:17.000 That dude's racked.

00:57:18.000 He gets suspended for three or four games.

00:57:20.000 He got his bell rung. 0.99

00:57:22.000 Yeah, that's a fucked up thing, right? 0.98

00:57:25.000 In college football, they're taking him out of the game right away. 0.97

00:57:28.000 He would have been probably thrown directly out of the game, potentially missed maybe half the next game.

00:57:34.000 So they give a penalty to the other team?

00:57:35.000 Yeah, so in the NFL right now, it's just a penalty.

00:57:38.000 How many of these football referees are on the take?

00:57:43.000 How many of these guys get busted?

00:57:44.000 Like that's a big thing about NBA players.

00:57:46.000 I was reading this whole thing about how little NBA players make and how they're constantly watching all these NBA or not NBA players NBA referees make and how they're watching all these players pull up in Bentleys and Rolls Royces and Shining with diamonds and gold and jewelry and that these guys just start taking bribes and that there is at one point in time where there's just a shitload of referees in the NFL and the NBA that are just on the take and Really?

00:58:13.000 Yep.

00:58:14.000 And they'll get bribed by bookies.

00:58:17.000 They'll get bribed by, you know, people that are big-time gamblers.

00:58:21.000 And you've got to think, if this guy's only making, I mean, how much does a referee make?

00:58:25.000 It says some here between, anywhere between $150,000 and $500,000 a year.

00:58:29.000 Oh, yeah, they make money.

00:58:29.000 That's a good living.

00:58:30.000 They make money.

00:58:31.000 But if someone comes to you, if you make $150,000 and someone comes to you and goes, Joey, I just want you to make this game a little bit more easy for the Dolphins.

00:58:39.000 Here's $100,000.

00:58:41.000 Here's how much they make per year and some players make that per game.

00:58:45.000 Now pull up bribery in NBA referees or corruption in NBA referees.

00:58:55.000 There's been a bunch of guys that have been busted, right?

00:58:57.000 I don't know about a bunch.

00:58:58.000 I think it's really just the one guy.

00:59:00.000 Just one?

00:59:00.000 He tried to call out a bunch of other people, but he didn't do it by name.

00:59:03.000 Who?

00:59:03.000 Donahue?

00:59:04.000 Yeah, Tim Donahue.

00:59:04.000 Yeah, I talked to him, that guy.

00:59:06.000 Did you?

00:59:06.000 He's on my podcast, yeah.

00:59:07.000 No shit. 0.99

00:59:08.000 What'd he say? 1.00

00:59:09.000 He's a degenerate gambler. 0.98

00:59:11.000 Good guy. 1.00

00:59:11.000 You know, he's just a fucking... 1.00

00:59:13.000 Listen, you fall into that trap, man. 1.00

00:59:15.000 Right.

00:59:16.000 They have so many scams. 0.98

00:59:17.000 Like, he was telling me they got, like, the first-class ticket shit, you know, where they give you a first-class ticket to travel to the games. 0.99

00:59:24.000 Just so much. 0.98

00:59:25.000 Just a little bit of this, a little bit of that.

00:59:26.000 A little bit of this, a little bit of that, you know.

00:59:28.000 Well, there was always a lot of that with boxing as well, you know.

00:59:33.000 Oh, this is tremendous.

00:59:35.000 This is tremendous.

00:59:36.000 Coaches and some different programs, and I think it was Adidas might have been.

00:59:40.000 So they were playing.

00:59:41.000 Families were getting paid through the shoe companies to direct players to certain schools.

00:59:47.000 Oh.

00:59:48.000 And then they were getting signed by those companies when they made it to the NBA. And in some cases, I think Rick Pitino, who's the coach for Louisville, is taking something like 98% or 95% of the money that was due to the school from Adidas.

01:00:01.000 He was just keeping it all.

01:00:03.000 What?

01:00:03.000 Yeah.

01:00:04.000 What?

01:00:06.000 No.

01:00:07.000 Yeah.

01:00:07.000 Is that legal?

01:00:10.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:00:12.000 Legal is a weird word on that.

01:00:13.000 I mean, it's in the contract and it was like cash and how it's all getting dispersed.

01:00:17.000 So Adidas is paying him.

01:00:19.000 Basically, yes.

01:00:20.000 If you go back to the movie Blue Chips, which came out a long time ago, it was fictional then, but it's been going on for the last 25 years.

01:00:28.000 So why would they pay him?

01:00:31.000 What does Adidas get out of it?

01:00:33.000 He's bringing in the most popular players, the most popular recruits from high school and AAU. And so that maybe he could bring them to Adidas and then Adidas could have them wear them in the NBA? They're going to be all over the Final Four, the NCAA tournament.

01:00:45.000 They're going to be on Saturday basketball.

01:00:46.000 They're getting advertised just like NBA players, but they're not getting the money.

01:00:50.000 They're using their names, their highlights.

01:00:53.000 They're all over SportsCenter.

01:00:55.000 So Adidas would pay him to be an influencer?

01:00:57.000 100%, yeah.

01:00:58.000 Wow, that's weird.

01:00:59.000 That's a weird role.

01:01:00.000 So he would be the father figure or the coach figure to these young men.

01:01:05.000 They look up to him.

01:01:06.000 He's a mentor in some ways.

01:01:08.000 Yeah, definitely.

01:01:08.000 And he weasels them into the Adidas fold.

01:01:11.000 And they want that.

01:01:13.000 They want to wear Adidas stuff.

01:01:15.000 They want the cool jerseys.

01:01:17.000 Ohio State right now, the team I pay attention to for football, have some awesome, crazy jerseys that nobody's ever going to get that the LeBron James brand of Nike is giving them that are going to be showcased all over TV Saturday.

01:01:29.000 I was reading about Under Armour is banking on Steph Curry's new Under Armour shoe. 1.00

01:01:36.000 Good luck.

01:01:37.000 Wow, Jamie, so much.

01:01:40.000 They were saying that Steph Curry, who's like one of the best players in the league apparently, you know that more than I do. 0.99

01:01:45.000 I don't know shit about basketball. 0.94

01:01:46.000 Yes, he's really good. 0.98

01:01:47.000 They were saying that his new Under Armour shoe, they're putting a lot of money into this idea that his shoe is going to rebound the stock.

01:01:57.000 So people are making recommendations to buy Under Armour stock now so that when the shoe comes out, everybody gets crazy and buys his shoe and then Under Armour will bounce back.

01:02:07.000 You know the problem is, once something has a stink about it, that's kind of it.

01:02:13.000 You know?

01:02:14.000 Is that bad looking?

01:02:16.000 In my opinion, and from knowing what I know about sneakers, that's not the shoe that's gonna bring them back.

01:02:20.000 What's wrong with that show?

01:02:22.000 Unless a bunch of kids are into it, which I don't know that they would be.

01:02:26.000 It's more about marketing.

01:02:28.000 So you have to get a whole bunch of kids into buying that, and then there's going to have to be a couple influencers in the NBA video game world and the YouTube blogging world that are going to have to make this seem cool to them.

01:02:41.000 Just the influencers are going to have to get into it.

01:02:43.000 Does it say Steph Curry on it?

01:02:45.000 Is that an SC? 30, his number.

01:02:47.000 Oh, it looks like an SC, doesn't it?

01:02:48.000 I mean...

01:02:49.000 I guess.

01:02:50.000 I wouldn't wear these shoes, is all. 0.99

01:02:52.000 I have so much fucking money in the sneaker business. 0.99

01:02:55.000 You wouldn't wear those shoes. 0.99

01:02:56.000 But you wear those goofy-looking Yeezys.

01:02:58.000 I also, like, I wouldn't wear these casually.

01:03:00.000 I'm not playing basketball.

01:03:01.000 Do you need a tissue?

01:03:02.000 No, I'm good.

01:03:03.000 So, some people might be wearing these for basketball.

01:03:05.000 There are a lot of kids still playing basketball.

01:03:07.000 If they can get a team into buying them, then you get 15 pairs sold right to a team.

01:03:11.000 You're talking about two totally different worlds, right?

01:03:13.000 You're talking about there's people that buy shoes to wear to play in.

01:03:17.000 Casual or athletic purposes.

01:03:18.000 And then there's people that buy shoes just to hang out in.

01:03:21.000 Correct.

01:03:22.000 But they're buying athletic shoes for casual purposes.

01:03:26.000 And the marketing of it is a real weird place because Jordans are where it all started.

01:03:33.000 Michael Jordan got everybody wearing shoes, you know?

01:03:35.000 Yeah, and Jordans people don't play basketball in Jordans, correct?

01:03:39.000 They do.

01:03:40.000 Or a lot of people don't.

01:03:41.000 They're doing it now? 0.98

01:03:42.000 Because you look cool when you're wearing those fucking cool Jordans, you know? 0.99

01:03:45.000 Oh, so if you wear Jordans playing basketball, like, this guy's so fucking crazy, he's playing basketball in Jordans. 0.98

01:03:51.000 Or even, yeah, like, he's playing basketball in the $1,000 retro Jordans. 0.82

01:03:55.000 Wait a minute, they cost $1,000?

01:03:56.000 Some of them do.

01:03:57.000 No!

01:03:59.000 Oh, wait, yes.

01:04:01.000 Really?

01:04:01.000 I mean, brand new retail, they're costing about $100 to $200, not $100, $200 retail, but the rarity of them, especially depending on the year they came out, if they came out five years ago, some of them cost $1,000, $2,000.

01:04:14.000 Bro, they have the same shit with geese, you know that, right? 0.99

01:04:17.000 Really? 1.00

01:04:17.000 I wear a hundred dollar gi, whatever. 1.00

01:04:19.000 I get like a cheap gi.

01:04:21.000 They got those shoulder roll.

01:04:22.000 What do you call those?

01:04:23.000 Shoulder roll, yeah.

01:04:24.000 People wait online for those.

01:04:25.000 Yeah?

01:04:26.000 They even made a Michael Jordan one.

01:04:28.000 They made a guy that don't do jujitsu.

01:04:31.000 They put a gi out, a Michael Jordan gi that they sold in Chicago.

01:04:34.000 I know a guy that buys all those gis. 0.96

01:04:37.000 Like they do the same thing.

01:04:39.000 Like lucky gis? 0.64

01:04:39.000 Limited time only, midnight. 0.64

01:04:42.000 And they have hundreds of gis. 0.78

01:04:44.000 They do not wear them.

01:04:46.000 Really?

01:04:46.000 Because the shoulder rolls, the show you rolls, I don't know exactly what, they gain value.

01:04:52.000 I don't fucking know. 0.66

01:04:54.000 I like Datsusara's. 0.87

01:04:56.000 Datsusara's got great stuff, yeah.

01:04:58.000 Those are great.

01:04:59.000 That gi is great.

01:05:00.000 That's what I wear.

01:05:00.000 You still wear it?

01:05:01.000 You still wear the Datsusara?

01:05:02.000 The Datsusara's nice.

01:05:04.000 It's real durable, too, because the hemp is just so much more durable than cotton.

01:05:08.000 It's just those things.

01:05:10.000 I mean, geese are pretty goddamn durable as it is.

01:05:12.000 It usually takes a long time for one starts to break, unless you have a single weave, you know, one of those thin, light ones like a summer. 0.75

01:05:19.000 I'm a Fuji dude.

01:05:20.000 Fuji's great.

01:05:21.000 I love my Fuji.

01:05:21.000 Fuji's doing all the mats for here.

01:05:23.000 Are they?

01:05:23.000 Yeah, I love Fuji geese.

01:05:25.000 I got the white one, the black one.

01:05:27.000 That you could pull them.

01:05:28.000 I'm a gorilla in that thing.

01:05:30.000 But they're light.

01:05:31.000 This is why I knew I wouldn't do well in hot yoga.

01:05:34.000 First of all, I'm not a heat guy.

01:05:36.000 You could tell how I, even humidity, I don't respond well to.

01:05:39.000 When I first started Jiu Jitsu, that was the biggest problem I had, that I didn't know anything about gis.

01:05:44.000 So I went and bought a judo gi.

01:05:47.000 When I hit that heat, that heat level went all the way up.

01:05:50.000 That took me to a different place.

01:05:51.000 Yeah, those double-weave geese. 0.95

01:05:53.000 Those things, those are very heavy.

01:05:56.000 But some people like that.

01:05:58.000 They like the double-weave.

01:05:59.000 They like the feeling of security, of having that very thick cloth around them.

01:06:03.000 Some people like the golden-weave.

01:06:05.000 I like the single-weave.

01:06:07.000 I like the single-weave. 0.99

01:06:08.000 The Fuji fucking, yeah, thin. 0.98

01:06:10.000 I want it to feel light. 1.00

01:06:12.000 I don't want a fucking geese. 0.99

01:06:13.000 Look at the size of me. 1.00

01:06:14.000 If I put a geese on, it's 20 pounds.

01:06:16.000 Well, also for me, I've had staff a couple times, so I always put a rash guard on anyway.

01:06:21.000 Even if I wear a gi, I still have a rash guard on.

01:06:23.000 I put a rash guard on all the time.

01:06:25.000 People get scratched from fingernails all the time.

01:06:28.000 I also carry those defense soap wipes with me everywhere.

01:06:31.000 I got the wipe, the spray.

01:06:33.000 The soap.

01:06:34.000 I got the soap in the shower. 1.00

01:06:36.000 Put them on my fucking feet, my nutsack. 1.00

01:06:38.000 Do you drink kombucha or anything like that? 1.00

01:06:40.000 Yes, I drink kombucha.

01:06:41.000 That's so good.

01:06:42.000 Getting probiotics.

01:06:44.000 Do you ever have kimchi?

01:06:45.000 You ever eat kimchi?

01:06:45.000 No, that's where I stop.

01:06:47.000 You can't deal with that? 1.00

01:06:48.000 That shit smells fucking disgusting. 1.00

01:06:49.000 I love that stuff. 1.00

01:06:51.000 Even though I'm Asian. 1.00

01:06:52.000 It says I'm Asian in the fucking thing. 1.00

01:06:53.000 I buy a fucking jar of that shit, like a 32-ounce jar, and I'll eat most of the jar. 1.00

01:06:59.000 What is kimchi? 1.00

01:07:00.000 Like a fucking pickle? 1.00

01:07:01.000 It's cabbage. 1.00

01:07:01.000 It's pickled cabbage. 1.00

01:07:02.000 It's fermented cabbage from Korea. 0.95

01:07:04.000 And your farts smell worse than taste. 1.00

01:07:07.000 They'll clean the paint off your fucking car. 1.00

01:07:11.000 Fucking crap. 1.00

01:07:12.000 No, I like the kombucha juice. 1.00

01:07:14.000 I just can't deal with other shit. 0.99

01:07:15.000 All that stuff is good for you. 0.99

01:07:17.000 I don't do the Greek yogurt either.

01:07:18.000 I like the regular yogurt. 1.00

01:07:20.000 Greek yogurt tastes like ass. 1.00

01:07:21.000 I don't like it. 1.00

01:07:22.000 I like regular fucking... 1.00

01:07:24.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:07:24.000 I tried the vanilla on the plane. 1.00

01:07:26.000 I don't like Greek yogurt.

01:07:28.000 No, I like the Dan.

01:07:29.000 I like all the other ones, you know.

01:07:30.000 Well, over the last few months, I've been shying away from dairy.

01:07:35.000 I'll eat a little cheese every now and then, because I like cheese, but I've been trying to eliminate dairy from my diet a little bit, just to see.

01:07:41.000 Because I've heard from several people that they've eliminated dairy, and they've had good reactions to their body.

01:07:46.000 They've had less inflammation, and it makes them feel better. 1.00

01:07:49.000 I'm that shit. 1.00

01:07:49.000 They said it on that report. 1.00

01:07:51.000 I'm lactose, whatever.

01:07:52.000 Intolerant?

01:07:53.000 Yeah.

01:07:53.000 I don't drink milk.

01:07:54.000 I drink a milkshake once a month.

01:07:56.000 If I'm out, I'll drink a milkshake.

01:07:59.000 I'll make a banana shake at home or something with a half a banana.

01:08:02.000 I like my shakes thin.

01:08:04.000 I think that's what I'm going to do for November.

01:08:06.000 I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do for November. 0.99

01:08:08.000 But I think for November, I'm going to go the entire month without eating any bullshit. 0.99

01:08:12.000 100%. 0.99

01:08:13.000 The entire month.

01:08:14.000 Just all straight healthy food.

01:08:16.000 No added sugar.

01:08:17.000 No nothing.

01:08:18.000 No sodas. 1.00

01:08:20.000 No crap. 0.98

01:08:21.000 I'm just going to see what that feels like. 0.98

01:08:24.000 We're going to come up with some new challenge.

01:08:26.000 Because after this month, doing this, I feel like this was a very beneficial month for me.

01:08:31.000 Beneficial in that, first of all, my back has never felt better.

01:08:35.000 Like, doing yoga all these times, like, it makes your back feel bulletproof.

01:08:39.000 Like, you just feel, like, my posture and everything, like, everything is just, it feels so sturdy. 0.77

01:08:46.000 Yoga, especially Bikrams, like that 90-minute hot yoga shit, so much of it is about your back and your core and like supporting your spine.

01:08:54.000 And I think, you know, sitting down a lot, doing podcasts, even though these chairs are phenomenal, these Capisco Ergo Depot chairs, these things are phenomenal. 0.87

01:09:02.000 They keep you, you know, sitting in the right posture and they support you well.

01:09:06.000 It's just not real good to sit down all the time like that.

01:09:09.000 And a lot of times your back is like compressed and If you don't have good structure and if you don't have good strength around the spine, like good muscle strength around the spine, you're going to develop all sorts of weird problems and weird issues with your back.

01:09:25.000 I think I've learned a lot this month about what kind of exercises you need to do to keep your back strong. 0.88

01:09:34.000 This yoga shit, doing it as many times as we did it this month. 0.97

01:09:38.000 I mean, I'm not going to do it this many times, but I'm definitely going to do it two times a week from now on. 0.99

01:09:42.000 Definitely.

01:09:44.000 And if you mix it with the weights, a little running, you're good to go, dog.

01:09:47.000 You're good to go.

01:09:49.000 You don't need much.

01:09:51.000 We're not in the Olympics. 0.99

01:09:52.000 We're not fucking playing professional sports. 0.98

01:09:55.000 Just trying to maintain. 1.00

01:09:56.000 Keep your fucking whatever going. 1.00

01:09:58.000 That's all. 0.99

01:09:59.000 It's not a lot.

01:10:00.000 Have you ever done the cryotherapy?

01:10:02.000 The who?

01:10:03.000 Cryotherapy. 1.00

01:10:03.000 The cold shit? 1.00

01:10:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:05.000 I worked myself up.

01:10:06.000 It's right down the corner from my house.

01:10:07.000 Have you done it?

01:10:08.000 No.

01:10:08.000 I just always forget to go down there.

01:10:10.000 It's phenomenal.

01:10:11.000 I think I had a lot of problems. 0.99

01:10:13.000 You know, I wrote the fucking... 0.99

01:10:19.000 Whatever. 0.99

01:10:20.000 The first four chapters for the book.

01:10:21.000 For your book?

01:10:22.000 Yeah.

01:10:22.000 That's what I did August and September.

01:10:24.000 That's all I did.

01:10:25.000 What are you writing a book about?

01:10:26.000 What got me into comedy.

01:10:27.000 Why I got into comedy.

01:10:29.000 Just the biography.

01:10:30.000 Yeah?

01:10:31.000 A to Z. And I finally started August 1st.

01:10:33.000 I got the iPod, whatever the iPad...

01:10:35.000 You write it on an iPad? 1.00

01:10:37.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:10:38.000 And I write it, and I hire a kid, and he edits everything for me. 1.00

01:10:41.000 Oh yeah?

01:10:42.000 So I had to have four chapters done, and I gotta tell you something.

01:10:44.000 So do you have a book deal?

01:10:46.000 No, I'm gonna try again.

01:10:47.000 I wanted to write it, bro.

01:10:49.000 I wanted to write it.

01:10:49.000 I didn't want to say, every time I had somebody else write it, Joey Diaz is like a Floyd...

01:10:54.000 Story.

01:10:55.000 You should have seen the last guy I got.

01:10:56.000 Floyd Story? 0.99

01:10:57.000 A Floyd Thorian, whatever the fuck those people say. 1.00

01:10:59.000 I have no fucking Thorian story. 1.00

01:11:00.000 Who's Floyd Thorian? 0.99

01:11:01.000 I have no fucking idea. 0.99

01:11:03.000 You know these people. 0.99

01:11:04.000 You know, writing has gone.

01:11:06.000 Like, when you read Silence of the Lambs, right, it's just plain writing. 0.99

01:11:10.000 But sometimes you read these books where the writers go a little too far with their bullshit. 0.99

01:11:15.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:11:17.000 It's just too much.

01:11:18.000 It's like you were saying. 0.99

01:11:20.000 You ever go to people's houses and they talk and they say shit for 20 minutes? 0.99

01:11:24.000 It's like by Studio City where I live. 0.99

01:11:26.000 Go to that coffee shop from time to time.

01:11:28.000 You know what they were saying in there?

01:11:29.000 What?

01:11:30.000 The day after the Vegas shooter.

01:11:31.000 The Vegas shooter was Sunday night. 1.00

01:11:33.000 Do you know what these idiots were saying in there on Monday? 1.00

01:11:35.000 What? 1.00

01:11:36.000 That this had to do with women's rights and the abortions.

01:11:39.000 And they just talk.

01:11:41.000 This new breed of Gentiles, they just talk. 1.00

01:11:44.000 That's all they do.

01:11:45.000 Is talk with big words to impress you. 1.00

01:11:48.000 But they don't say shit. 1.00

01:11:50.000 They don't say shit. 1.00

01:11:52.000 Three or four big words to let you know they're smart and then they didn't say nothing. 0.99

01:11:57.000 There's a lot of repeating narratives.

01:11:59.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:11:59.000 Every time the show, the new show I'm going to do, I'm buying one of those little tape recorders, and I'm putting them under these six fucking morons every day. 1.00

01:12:07.000 Then at night, I'm going to do a show about what they discussed. 1.00

01:12:10.000 Because this is 60% of America, what these fucking people are talking about. 1.00

01:12:14.000 This is the idiots. 1.00

01:12:15.000 The shit that comes out of their mouth is amazing. 1.00

01:12:19.000 And you sit there and go, no wonder fucking... 1.00

01:12:22.000 ISIS wants to shoot us. 1.00

01:12:23.000 Listen to these fucking dummies. 1.00

01:12:25.000 Listen to what's coming out of their mouth. 1.00

01:12:27.000 Women's rights? 1.00

01:12:28.000 That's what they were talking about.

01:12:30.000 Well, what was their argument?

01:12:32.000 They were saying that the guy shot everybody.

01:12:35.000 Their argument is everybody trying to be smarter than everybody.

01:12:39.000 It's just six people trying to outwit each other. 1.00

01:12:41.000 It's like when you go to those fucking dinner parties you talk about. 1.00

01:12:44.000 And by the time they serve the salad, you want to put a gun in your fucking mouth. 1.00

01:12:48.000 Why am I even fucking here with these people? 1.00

01:12:50.000 I could have stopped at Burger King and had a better fucking time. 0.99

01:12:53.000 That's why I don't go to those dinner parties. 0.99

01:12:55.000 And once politics comes up, you lose me, Joe Rogan.

01:12:59.000 I don't want to hear about it no more.

01:13:01.000 You lose me.

01:13:03.000 You lose me. 0.90

01:13:04.000 These new political people talking nonsense, you lose me.

01:13:07.000 Move forward. 1.00

01:13:08.000 Either impeach them, get a new one, or shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:13:11.000 I can't. 1.00

01:13:12.000 You ever put the news on anymore?

01:13:14.000 But it's definitely...

01:13:15.000 First 20 minutes!

01:13:16.000 He didn't send the check.

01:13:17.000 He called the... 1.00

01:13:18.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

01:13:19.000 Who gives a fuck? 1.00

01:13:21.000 Who gives a fuck? 1.00

01:13:22.000 There's got to be something more... 1.00

01:13:23.000 There's got to be a seal stuck on a beach somewhere in this fucking country. 1.00

01:13:27.000 Something more important than this shit every fucking day. 1.00

01:13:30.000 So the politics is over, my world. 1.00

01:13:33.000 Religion... 0.90

01:13:34.000 You know, I don't want to... 1.00

01:13:35.000 You're not supposed to talk about politics or religion or those fucking things. 0.99

01:13:39.000 But this new breed of Gentile, they just talk... 1.00

01:13:43.000 For the sense of talking, to see who's the smartest person in the room, and at the end of the day, they're all a bunch of dumb fucks anyway. 1.00

01:13:53.000 There's definitely a lot of people talking just to impress other people. 0.99

01:13:56.000 Yeah, that's it.

01:13:56.000 And there's a lot of people saying a bunch of things that they've read on blogs or read on websites.

01:14:03.000 Everybody wants to have an intelligent conversation and everybody witty. 0.98

01:14:08.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:14:09.000 Get the fuck out of here, man. 1.00

01:14:11.000 Leave me the fuck alone. 1.00

01:14:13.000 2017. What would you rather them talk about? 1.00

01:14:19.000 Life.

01:14:20.000 Something that makes sense.

01:14:21.000 Something simple that you're not trying to impress me.

01:14:24.000 Talk to me about your kids and what you want for your kids.

01:14:26.000 But don't you think there's a lot more of that in Hollywood?

01:14:28.000 Because people are trying...

01:14:30.000 I think one of the things about Hollywood is that people are always trying out for auditions.

01:14:35.000 They're always going in on auditions.

01:14:37.000 And they always have to be picked and chosen.

01:14:39.000 And they're always trying to position themselves like someone that you would want to hire.

01:14:45.000 And so they manufacture these attitudes based on what they think.

01:14:50.000 They lick their finger, they hold it up, they find out which way the wind's blowing and that's the way they go.

01:14:55.000 And they start to sort of construct their personality based on what they think All the casting agents, all of them, 100% of them, are liberal.

01:15:05.000 They're all liberal.

01:15:06.000 Everyone's liberal.

01:15:07.000 Everyone across the board is a Democrat, or the radical ones are Bernie Sanders supporters, and everyone has very clear left-wing views, whether you like it or not.

01:15:17.000 Not a judgment on it.

01:15:20.000 But these people that go in for auditions and actors, which is most of what you're running into, either actors or screenwriters or someone who's trying to do something in Hollywood, they all want people to know that they're on the right team.

01:15:34.000 And they all want to say...

01:15:36.000 All the things that they think need to be said. 1.00

01:15:38.000 Where you saw a lot of the hypocrites was in the first few days of this Harvey Weinstein shit. 1.00

01:15:44.000 Oh, please. 1.00

01:15:45.000 Yeah.

01:15:45.000 Please.

01:15:46.000 This is embarrassing.

01:15:48.000 And you know what, man? 0.99

01:15:49.000 At the end of the week, they're all fucking disgustos. 0.99

01:15:51.000 Because they all fucking knew about it. 1.00

01:15:54.000 Oh, they all knew about it. 1.00

01:15:54.000 They all knew about it for years. 1.00

01:15:56.000 And now they all want to raise their fucking head. 1.00

01:15:58.000 But you know what, bro? 0.99

01:15:59.000 When Harvey was giving them movies, nobody was complaining.

01:16:03.000 Yeah, well, I've heard that argument.

01:16:04.000 Nobody was complaining.

01:16:05.000 I heard that argument from a girl. 0.99

01:16:06.000 She was saying that Harvey Weinstein gave them all careers.

01:16:09.000 I was like, wow, that's a crazy, crazy argument.

01:16:11.000 Two of the chicks thanked them in the Oscars.

01:16:14.000 Yep.

01:16:14.000 Now you're going to...

01:16:15.000 Listen, leave me the fuck alone. 1.00

01:16:17.000 The ones that really need the smack of the mouth are the guys that came out. 1.00

01:16:20.000 And said, I got molested once. 1.00

01:16:23.000 My dick got touched at a party one time. 1.00

01:16:26.000 We live for that shit. 1.00

01:16:28.000 We live for somebody to touch our fucking dick. 1.00

01:16:30.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:16:31.000 We're not going to go to therapy.

01:16:33.000 We don't say nothing. 1.00

01:16:34.000 Somebody grabs your dick, you just fucking smile and go. 1.00

01:16:36.000 What if it's a little gay guy? 1.00

01:16:37.000 Whatever. 0.99

01:16:38.000 Everybody needs a break from time to time.

01:16:40.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:16:40.000 You never let a gay guy suck your dick with ice cubes in their mouth? 1.00

01:16:43.000 No, I haven't. 1.00

01:16:43.000 It's a party. 1.00

01:16:44.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:16:44.000 I don't know.

01:16:45.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:16:46.000 But I had a friend one time that he let anybody suck his dick. 1.00

01:16:49.000 Anybody? 1.00

01:16:50.000 Anybody. 1.00

01:16:50.000 Anybody who wanted to suck his dick could suck his yum yum stick. 1.00

01:16:53.000 Really? 1.00

01:16:53.000 And one day he was telling me about fucking getting his dick sucked by a gay guy with ice cubes in his mouth. 1.00

01:16:57.000 I nearly fucking died. 1.00

01:16:59.000 He just let the guy do it? 1.00

01:17:00.000 Yeah, he goes, fuck it. 1.00

01:17:01.000 What was the conversation? 1.00

01:17:02.000 He was telling me how his mouth was cold and all this shit, and I was fucking dying. 1.00

01:17:06.000 I couldn't believe it. 1.00

01:17:07.000 Did he look at the guy while he was sucking his dick, or did he close his eyes? 1.00

01:17:10.000 Listen, I don't want to know about that shit. 1.00

01:17:11.000 I would want to know. 1.00

01:17:12.000 But you wanted to know about the guy getting his dick sucked by a dude with ice cubes in his mouth. 1.00

01:17:16.000 I mean, why not know whether or not he's watching it? 1.00

01:17:18.000 First of all, when he told me this story, I was young.

01:17:20.000 I had never heard that story before.

01:17:21.000 I was like 18. He goes, I let a fucking guy suck my dick when One time. 1.00

01:17:25.000 But if it was so good, why not keep going? 1.00

01:17:27.000 You know, it's tough to find somebody who will suck your dick with ice cubes in their mouth unless you give them the small 50. I think once you put it out there, you put that flag up, People will come. 1.00

01:17:36.000 That was the funniest thing with that crazy bitch from Superman. 1.00

01:17:39.000 Because she popped up like eight days later. 1.00

01:17:42.000 Harvey took his dick out one time and I told him, put that back in your pants. 1.00

01:17:46.000 Crazy chick from Superman? 1.00

01:17:47.000 Which one? 0.99

01:17:47.000 Yeah, what's that chick that's crazy? 0.99

01:17:49.000 Oh, the one that was hiding in the bushes?

01:17:50.000 When they found her, she had no teeth?

01:17:52.000 That one?

01:17:53.000 What the hell's her name?

01:17:53.000 What's her name?

01:17:54.000 Superman with Christopher Reeve, right?

01:17:55.000 No, the other one.

01:17:56.000 Wasn't Superman with Christopher Reeve?

01:17:58.000 The early Superman, right?

01:17:59.000 Yeah, it was the one with Dean Cain.

01:18:01.000 Who was the crazy?

01:18:01.000 Dean Cain.

01:18:02.000 Who was the one in there?

01:18:03.000 Margot Kidder.

01:18:04.000 Margot Kidder is crazy, right? 1.00

01:18:06.000 No, this was the other one that came out.

01:18:09.000 You're talking about the one who was in Superman with Dean Cain, the TV show.

01:18:13.000 Yeah, maybe.

01:18:14.000 What was that really pretty girl's name? 0.51

01:18:16.000 Terry Hatcher.

01:18:17.000 Terry Hatcher.

01:18:17.000 Is that her name?

01:18:17.000 She was on the TV show.

01:18:18.000 You got to talk in the mic, buddy.

01:18:20.000 Sorry, she was on the TV show.

01:18:21.000 She was in Desperate Housewives, too, right?

01:18:23.000 Yeah.

01:18:25.000 No, it wasn't her.

01:18:26.000 I had an ex-girlfriend of mine get so mad when I was talking about how pretty she was. 1.00

01:18:31.000 Missing Superman actress found frightened in the bushes.

01:18:33.000 Yeah, that was in 96. Margot Kidder.

01:18:36.000 Yeah, she went crazy.

01:18:37.000 47-year-old Canadian-born actress best known.

01:18:40.000 You know what?

01:18:41.000 That's the thing.

01:18:41.000 Once you hit, like, late 40s and you're one of those actresses and they stop calling and you are already crazy and the pressure builds up.

01:18:48.000 She'd cut off her own hair with a razor blade in an attempt to alter her appearance. 0.97

01:18:51.000 A Glendale police sergeant, Rick Young, said...

01:18:56.000 Oh, boy.

01:18:58.000 She was taken to Olive View Medical Center for a 72-hour psychiatric evaluation.

01:19:03.000 They could have spared 71 hours and 50 minutes by just bringing her to me. 1.00

01:19:10.000 I would have went, yeah, that bitch is crazy. 1.00

01:19:14.000 What happened here the other day with Corey Feldman, though? 1.00

01:19:16.000 I don't know.

01:19:18.000 He apparently got arrested.

01:19:19.000 Oh, that thing. 0.93

01:19:20.000 Yeah, I just made a joke.

01:19:21.000 And people get mad.

01:19:22.000 They got mad, but it wasn't them getting mad.

01:19:25.000 It was me getting mad at myself.

01:19:26.000 What was the joke?

01:19:27.000 He was wearing a really small jacket while he was doing this performance at a minor league baseball game.

01:19:35.000 And he was doing this Michael Jackson thing, but the jacket was so small.

01:19:38.000 I go, is that a jacket he was wearing when he was getting diddled when he was a little kid?

01:19:43.000 And I was like, why did I joke around that?

01:19:44.000 I was just trying to make Greg laugh.

01:19:46.000 I said something.

01:19:48.000 And then afterwards, when I saw it, especially out of context, I was very disappointed in myself. 0.99

01:19:52.000 He wants 10 million to fucking expose pedophilia? 0.99

01:19:55.000 I saw that. 1.00

01:19:55.000 He's out of his mind. 1.00

01:19:56.000 I think...

01:19:57.000 I don't think...

01:19:59.000 First of all, he never said that Michael Jackson did anything to him.

01:20:01.000 He said Michael Jackson didn't.

01:20:03.000 But he said that there's a lot of pedophilia in Hollywood and he wants to make some sort of a movie on it.

01:20:08.000 Which I'm sure there's a lot of pedophilia in Hollywood. 1.00

01:20:11.000 But like this idea that people are trying to kill him.

01:20:14.000 You were saying people are trying to run him over.

01:20:16.000 Isn't that what you were saying?

01:20:17.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:20:17.000 I watched the video for like 10 seconds and I felt bad for him.

01:20:21.000 I think the drugs caught up.

01:20:22.000 Yeah, if they wanted to kill him, he'd be dead.

01:20:24.000 Yeah, two trucks tried to hit him.

01:20:26.000 That's not real. 0.99

01:20:27.000 See, this is like weird paranoia shit. 0.98

01:20:30.000 Let me tell you something. 1.00

01:20:30.000 If they want to kill you, you're dead. 1.00

01:20:33.000 And it's not going to be trucks trying to run you over. 0.99

01:20:36.000 It's going to be a guy out of nowhere shoots you in the head and gets in his car and no one's going to know who he is and no one's going to catch him because they're going to hire a professional.

01:20:45.000 Like this idea that someone's going to like miss him with a car and then they're chasing him, running him down.

01:20:51.000 I find that very hard.

01:20:52.000 I mean, it's possible, but I find it very hard to believe. 0.99

01:20:54.000 I always think that, like, if someone is a very powerful man, like, I don't know if the Clintons ever whacked anybody, but if they did, they whacked those fucking people. 0.97

01:21:03.000 Like that one guy that was the big conspiracy theory about the guy who released all the stuff to WikiLeaks, the DNC guy, Seth Rich. 1.00

01:21:13.000 They killed that motherfucker. 1.00

01:21:15.000 Whoever did it, whether he was killed because some random person decided to shoot him in the back in the middle of the night and not steal his watch or his phone or his wallet, whether it's that or whether it's what Julian Assange from WikiLeaks said is that there's consequences to leaking information to WikiLeaks because that's what they were saying. 1.00

01:21:32.000 And people were saying, look, this is another one of the Clinton body count people and then there's You know giant conspiracy theories about how many people the Clintons have had killed.

01:21:39.000 I don't know if that's true or not.

01:21:41.000 I have zero information. 0.68

01:21:42.000 But I do know when people want you dead. 1.00

01:21:45.000 You're dead. 1.00

01:21:46.000 When they're real people that are real killers and evil fucks. 1.00

01:21:51.000 There's a lot of people that have been killed, like Putin. 1.00

01:21:53.000 If Putin wants you dead, you get shot on TV in front of everybody and nothing happens.

01:21:59.000 No one goes to jail, no one gets caught, you're just dead. 0.98

01:22:02.000 That's the type of people we're talking about.

01:22:07.000 I have a hard time believing that someone's getting barely missed by a car. 0.99

01:22:12.000 That's like some movie shit. 0.98

01:22:13.000 They were coming after me, but I dived into the bushes at the last minute, and now I'm hiding in a motel somewhere, and I can't tell you where, but if you give me $10 million, I want to make a movie. 0.98

01:22:21.000 You know why I feel bad for Corey Fennell when you see that, when you see that performance? 0.96

01:22:25.000 I mean, I bet he's a nice kid and stuff, but you could see Hollywood's just fucking made a mockery. 0.98

01:22:29.000 Like, they just beat him up, dawg. 0.97

01:22:31.000 Well, he grew up on TV and the movies.

01:22:33.000 Yeah, they beat him up.

01:22:33.000 If you grow up in the movies, you don't have a childhood.

01:22:37.000 Who the fuck do you know? 1.00

01:22:38.000 Who? 1.00

01:22:39.000 And name one that made it through that meat grinder of growing up famous that's not completely fucking crazy. 0.99

01:22:46.000 Name one. 0.99

01:22:47.000 Name one.

01:22:48.000 Look, Miley Cyrus might have gotten out of it better than any of them. 0.94

01:22:52.000 Her new album's really good. 0.99

01:22:54.000 She's fucking talented. 0.99

01:22:55.000 As a musician, she's great, bro. 1.00

01:22:57.000 You ever see those ones that she's up on the hill in Tennessee with a little band and they're singing outside in the mountains?

01:23:03.000 You ever seen her cover of Jolene?

01:23:04.000 Yeah, Jolene.

01:23:05.000 Jolene, that whole thing.

01:23:06.000 She's great.

01:23:07.000 I've always liked it.

01:23:09.000 She got a little crazy.

01:23:09.000 If we play some of that, would we get in trouble?

01:23:11.000 Yeah, we played some of it before. 1.00

01:23:13.000 She fucking, once she started talking about no reefer, fuck her. 1.00

01:23:16.000 I used to see her at the weed store all the time with her brother. 1.00

01:23:19.000 With her brother at the weed store.

01:23:21.000 She was smoking more than anybody now.

01:23:22.000 She quit, whatever. 1.00

01:23:23.000 Fuck her. 1.00

01:23:24.000 Well, she's 20. Yeah, she's 23. She's talking shit. 1.00

01:23:27.000 Whatever she is. 1.00

01:23:27.000 She's a kid. 1.00

01:23:28.000 She's fucking got more money than God. 1.00

01:23:30.000 I'd watch the show. 1.00

01:23:31.000 I would watch the show on the road.

01:23:33.000 Hannah Montana?

01:23:33.000 Oh, please, yeah.

01:23:34.000 My kids like it. 1.00

01:23:34.000 I love that fucking show. 1.00

01:23:36.000 I love her on that show. 1.00

01:23:37.000 She's tremendous.

01:23:39.000 Yeah, play some of that.

01:23:41.000 Give me some of that.

01:23:43.000 Something's going off the internet.

01:23:44.000 Our internet?

01:23:45.000 Yeah, the robbers.

01:23:47.000 Really?

01:23:48.000 Well, that's good.

01:23:49.000 It's not like we paid a shitload of money for it.

01:23:55.000 Have you seen John Wick 2?

01:23:58.000 Yes.

01:23:58.000 It was on the other night.

01:23:59.000 We just watched that.

01:24:00.000 It's entertainment.

01:24:01.000 It's not going to win an Academy Award.

01:24:03.000 Loved it.

01:24:04.000 But if you think about how many hitmen, like that scene in the train station, the chick with the violin, all of a sudden she puts the thing away and she takes the silencer out.

01:24:11.000 Did you see Egan in that?

01:24:13.000 Egan Machado?

01:24:14.000 Yeah!

01:24:14.000 I've watched it twice.

01:24:15.000 I haven't seen Egan.

01:24:16.000 No.

01:24:16.000 Egan's part two.

01:24:17.000 He plays a cab driver. 1.00

01:24:19.000 So the only thing I can think about is the fight he had in the garage with the cab drivers when he was fucking shooting at them and all that shit. 1.00

01:24:26.000 How nasty. 1.00

01:24:27.000 Fuck Mighty Mouse's armbar. 1.00

01:24:30.000 How about John Wick's armbar? 1.00

01:24:31.000 It ends with a shot to the head. 0.99

01:24:34.000 It ends with a bullet to the head of his armbar. 1.00

01:24:36.000 Who does that? 0.98

01:24:37.000 He clamps you, he drops back, and he goes, bah, he lifts your head with his foot.

01:24:43.000 That's the armbar. 0.99

01:24:45.000 Fucking Mighty Mouse picking up a guy. 1.00

01:24:47.000 Fucking Ray Berg. 1.00

01:24:48.000 That fucking armbar that he does is tremendous. 1.00

01:24:50.000 Ray Borg. 1.00

01:24:51.000 Ray Borg, Ray Berg.

01:24:52.000 Hey, you know what I'm realizing?

01:24:54.000 Your computer is having problems with the internet.

01:24:59.000 Mine is not.

01:25:00.000 My computer is not at one...

01:25:02.000 I just switched routers.

01:25:04.000 Routers?

01:25:04.000 It's the Wi-Fi router.

01:25:06.000 Oh, so that was on Wi-Fi and then you went to Ethernet?

01:25:09.000 Is that what you did?

01:25:09.000 I'm switching back and forth between another router I'm connected to.

01:25:12.000 Oh, I see.

01:25:12.000 So who trains him?

01:25:13.000 I said, for real, Joe Rogan.

01:25:14.000 Well, he's obviously got a Machado jacket on, so they must have been doing some...

01:25:19.000 But I'll tell you what, all the jujitsu moves and the judo was 100% legit.

01:25:25.000 There was no shenanigans, like you see him throw somebody around and you don't believe it.

01:25:31.000 Like even his front kick.

01:25:32.000 That's a legit front kick. 1.00

01:25:34.000 Look, he's doing real shit. 0.99

01:25:35.000 You know what else he did that was real? 1.00

01:25:37.000 He did a lot. 0.99

01:25:38.000 Look, he's doing all this fucking strength and conditioning footwork moving. 0.99

01:25:41.000 He's doing all these rolls. 0.99

01:25:43.000 Another thing that he did that was super real was he did a lot of tactical firearms drills.

01:25:49.000 Like a lot of close range handgun drills. 1.00

01:25:52.000 Shit. 1.00

01:25:52.000 Where he was, you know, shooting at steel targets that pop up and hiding behind things and turning corners and shooting at targets real quick. 1.00

01:26:02.000 Like, legitimately looks like he knows what he's doing.

01:26:04.000 Have you ever had a chat with him?

01:26:06.000 Have you ever met him and talked to him?

01:26:08.000 Never met him.

01:26:09.000 Tremendous.

01:26:09.000 I bet.

01:26:10.000 He eats breakfast at Duke's.

01:26:13.000 Duke's in Hollywood?

01:26:14.000 Yeah, on the way out, you just go, what's up, dog?

01:26:16.000 And you go, what's happening, man?

01:26:17.000 Have a great day. 1.00

01:26:18.000 Yeah, this is the shit that he did. 1.00

01:26:19.000 Yeah, no, he's real. 1.00

01:26:20.000 There's a whole video of him going through these tactical courses, and you're like, whoa, that's legit.

01:26:25.000 Like, he's putting in the time, man.

01:26:26.000 He's 53. It fucking looks great for 53. 53. That's crazy. 0.99

01:26:32.000 It looks great. 0.99

01:26:33.000 It looks fucking great. 0.98

01:26:34.000 That's a good Kimura. 0.99

01:26:36.000 Yeah, see, like, he's rolling.

01:26:37.000 What is he?

01:26:38.000 That's not a black belt, is he? 0.97

01:26:39.000 No, he's a white belt.

01:26:42.000 What they do is they have a facility.

01:26:44.000 You see this facility?

01:26:46.000 Where?

01:26:46.000 They just redid this in Culver City.

01:26:48.000 The Machado's do?

01:26:49.000 No.

01:26:50.000 That's Hegan.

01:26:50.000 The company.

01:26:51.000 The 187, whatever the name of that company is.

01:26:54.000 His company?

01:26:55.000 Production company.

01:26:56.000 So they have everything there. 0.99

01:26:58.000 Most companies you go to, they have a couch and screens and shit. 0.99

01:27:01.000 No. 0.98

01:27:02.000 And I don't think this is the place. 0.99

01:27:05.000 They have, like, a real fucking place where they do all stunts. 0.98

01:27:09.000 Now, is that John over there? 0.99

01:27:10.000 Yeah, John Jock is to the right.

01:27:11.000 Wow, John Jock and John.

01:27:13.000 Yeah, there's Hegan.

01:27:14.000 John's there.

01:27:15.000 All the Machados.

01:27:16.000 But all this stuff that he's doing is, like, super legit.

01:27:19.000 There's Hegan.

01:27:20.000 I mean, he really wanted to learn Jiu-Jitsu. 0.99

01:27:24.000 Like, he learned real Jiu-Jitsu as opposed to just making up some fake moves and shit. 0.99

01:27:30.000 No, his arm bar with the bullet at the end is fucking beautiful. 0.99

01:27:33.000 They're fun movies. 0.99

01:27:34.000 They're fun, ridiculous, sort of cartoonish, violent movies. 0.90

01:27:38.000 It's really good times. 0.99

01:27:40.000 When he goes to Italy, the chick kills herself. 1.00

01:27:44.000 I mean, it's fucking crazy. 0.99

01:27:45.000 Well, who's the girl, too, that is that sort of androgynous lesbian character who's in a lot of stuff? 0.99

01:27:52.000 Orange is the New Black.

01:27:53.000 Is that who she is?

01:27:53.000 She's very pretty.

01:27:54.000 She's got short hair.

01:27:55.000 She's the hit woman in the movie. 1.00

01:27:57.000 Awesome.

01:27:58.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:27:58.000 She plays the deaf girl.

01:28:00.000 A deaf girl?

01:28:01.000 Yeah, doesn't she play the deaf girl? 1.00

01:28:03.000 In what movie?

01:28:03.000 And John Wick, too?

01:28:04.000 No, she's the hit person. 1.00

01:28:06.000 She's the killer that wanted to kill him. 1.00

01:28:10.000 The fuck's her name? 1.00

01:28:12.000 No, she kills herself. 1.00

01:28:13.000 Is that the chick that kills herself? 1.00

01:28:15.000 No, she doesn't kill herself. 1.00

01:28:17.000 Just show me the fucking IMDB. No, that's not it. 1.00

01:28:21.000 What's the...

01:28:22.000 Who's in the movie?

01:28:24.000 Ruby Rose.

01:28:25.000 That one.

01:28:26.000 Yeah, that chick. 1.00

01:28:27.000 You know, she's a real famous lesbian type character. 1.00

01:28:31.000 Oh yeah, she plays the deaf one. 1.00

01:28:33.000 She's deaf? 1.00

01:28:34.000 In the movie.

01:28:35.000 I don't remember being deaf.

01:28:36.000 Remember she goes like this? 0.99

01:28:37.000 And she's telling them that she won a nightcap and shit. 0.99

01:28:40.000 But I don't remember that at all. 0.98

01:28:41.000 Yeah, she speaks sign language in the movie all the time.

01:28:43.000 Oh yeah.

01:28:44.000 Yeah, that's right.

01:28:47.000 How did I forget that?

01:28:50.000 Because you stopped smoking weed in October. 1.00

01:28:52.000 That's why, cocksucker. 1.00

01:28:53.000 Because I'm just paying attention to bullets. 1.00

01:28:54.000 Because you went sober in October.

01:28:55.000 I'm just watching people get shot.

01:28:57.000 I'm not paying attention to the actual plot. 1.00

01:28:59.000 It's just a fun, stupid movie. 1.00

01:29:00.000 No, I love them both. 1.00

01:29:01.000 That's a weird...

01:29:02.000 I love him. 0.99

01:29:03.000 I like all his fucking movies, man. 0.99

01:29:05.000 There's just some people that you watch their movies don't need to think. 1.00

01:29:08.000 Yeah.

01:29:10.000 Well, he's got some classics.

01:29:12.000 I mean, think about the John Wick series.

01:29:14.000 He's in The Matrix. 0.96

01:29:17.000 I mean, this dude has been in some fucking classics and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. 0.98

01:29:21.000 That's right. 0.98

01:29:23.000 You go back to that.

01:29:24.000 I mean, imagine that that guy started with like a really silly comedy and then went from that to be a giant action hero and somehow or another still looks good at 53. What's that movie he made with the bank robbers?

01:29:41.000 That they fucking re-bid. 0.99

01:29:43.000 That's a good movie, too. 0.99

01:29:45.000 Patrick Swayze. 0.99

01:29:46.000 Fucking good movie, too. 0.98

01:29:47.000 Yeah, I want to know what Keanu Reeves does to reduce stress, because he looks fucking fantastic. 0.98

01:29:52.000 Yeah, look at him.

01:29:53.000 Look, he's never in trouble.

01:29:55.000 You never hear from him at a bar or drinking or drinking wine or hanging out with nobody or abuse. 0.97

01:30:01.000 He doesn't do dick. 0.99

01:30:03.000 He grows his beard out. 1.00

01:30:04.000 He walks around looking dirty.

01:30:06.000 When you see him in the daytime, he's just a regular guy.

01:30:09.000 What is he doing?

01:30:11.000 How does he look so good?

01:30:13.000 He's just a regular guy, man.

01:30:14.000 No trouble.

01:30:16.000 I know, but I wonder what he eats.

01:30:19.000 Because someone told me that he actually smokes cigarettes.

01:30:23.000 That he's not particularly...

01:30:29.000 Like, disciplined about his health.

01:30:31.000 That's incredible.

01:30:32.000 94 to 2014. How is that even possible?

01:30:35.000 Imagine if he ran into one of his ex-girlfriends.

01:30:36.000 He looks exactly the same. 1.00

01:30:38.000 She looks like an old hag. 1.00

01:30:39.000 She's like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:30:41.000 I mean, that's 20 years of difference, and he looks the same. 1.00

01:30:46.000 Well, he looks like shit in the 2013, though. 0.99

01:30:49.000 2012, 2013 was a rough turn. 0.99

01:30:51.000 Fell off the road.

01:30:53.000 Well, that's when he met Hegan and everything changed. 0.99

01:30:55.000 He started doing jujitsu and his life fucking changed. 0.98

01:30:58.000 He started a podcast. 0.97

01:30:59.000 He called me up to go down there and do it.

01:31:00.000 Hegan is?

01:31:01.000 Yeah.

01:31:01.000 On what?

01:31:02.000 On some network down there.

01:31:04.000 Should he maybe learn English first or no?

01:31:06.000 Yeah, no.

01:31:06.000 It doesn't matter.

01:31:07.000 They love him anyway.

01:31:08.000 They love his business.

01:31:09.000 Is that him smoking cigarettes?

01:31:10.000 Yeah.

01:31:11.000 So he does smoke cigarettes?

01:31:12.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:31:13.000 See, that's even crazier. 1.00

01:31:15.000 Like, how is he not old as fuck? 1.00

01:31:18.000 Like, when people smoke cigarettes, that shit wears you out. 1.00

01:31:21.000 Like, the people that I see that smoke cigarettes, they look far older. 1.00

01:31:24.000 There he is.

01:31:27.000 Maybe he's one of the...

01:31:28.000 I don't know.

01:31:29.000 You've seen that meme that people think...

01:31:31.000 There's, like, pictures they find where he's like, oh, Keanu Reeves from the 1750, whatever, yeah. 0.99

01:31:35.000 People are retarded. 1.00

01:31:36.000 They photoshopped the shit out of that anyway, right? 1.00

01:31:39.000 I watched some crazy shit last night, Gerard. 0.99

01:31:41.000 I didn't feel good. 1.00

01:31:42.000 I couldn't move much.

01:31:43.000 I lost the remote, and I started watching this thing about the story of the Reels. 0.99

01:31:48.000 Fucking tremendous. 0.98

01:31:49.000 The Reels? 1.00

01:31:50.000 It's called Reel, uh, Reel News or something.

01:31:53.000 It's 239 on cable.

01:31:55.000 And they had this whole thing out about the Godfather. 1.00

01:31:58.000 Fucking interesting as fuck, Jack! 1.00

01:32:01.000 What was interesting about it? 1.00

01:32:03.000 What's his name?

01:32:04.000 Didn't want to do the movie.

01:32:05.000 The director.

01:32:06.000 He was a hippie in San Francisco.

01:32:08.000 Really?

01:32:08.000 Had a studio up there.

01:32:09.000 What's his name?

01:32:10.000 Francis Ford Coppola is a hippie guinea.

01:32:12.000 He ain't regular guinea.

01:32:13.000 He's a hippie.

01:32:14.000 Long hair.

01:32:15.000 He owns a vineyard.

01:32:16.000 Huh?

01:32:16.000 He owns a vineyard.

01:32:17.000 Yeah, hippie dude.

01:32:19.000 Had the studio and they wanted him to do The Godfather and he was like, ah.

01:32:22.000 But he had an assistant called, what's his assistant's name?

01:32:27.000 George Lucas was a young assistant.

01:32:29.000 Really?

01:32:30.000 Yeah, it was his young assistant at the time.

01:32:32.000 That's crazy.

01:32:33.000 And he talked him into it because he goes at the building they had was running out of money.

01:32:37.000 They had no money to pay the rent.

01:32:38.000 Wow.

01:32:39.000 So they were going to run out of the rent.

01:32:40.000 So he talked him into doing it because he had to pay the rent.

01:32:42.000 Look at that.

01:32:43.000 George Lucas and Francis Ford Coppola with R2-D2. That's incredible.

01:32:48.000 George Lucas looks like he was like 24 years old.

01:32:50.000 Young kids, bro.

01:32:51.000 Young kids.

01:32:52.000 I'll tell you what was a good move that a lot of people were critical of when they sold Star Wars to Disney. 0.99

01:32:59.000 Because Disney's taking that shit and run with it. 0.99

01:33:02.000 They run with it. 1.00

01:33:03.000 I mean, they're making so many more Star Wars movies. 1.00

01:33:06.000 They're good fucking movies. 0.99

01:33:07.000 They're fun. 0.99

01:33:08.000 They're doing Star Wars World at Disneyland, which looks insane.

01:33:11.000 They released a preview video of it the other day.

01:33:14.000 Have you taken your girl to Disneyland yet?

01:33:16.000 No, she hasn't asked.

01:33:18.000 You just wait. 0.56

01:33:19.000 I'm dead. 0.99

01:33:20.000 I'm dead.

01:33:20.000 Oh, please.

01:33:21.000 You just wait.

01:33:22.000 I'm dead.

01:33:23.000 She asked about a month ago.

01:33:24.000 Tell me when you want to go, and we'll all go together.

01:33:26.000 Okay, yeah, yeah.

01:33:27.000 She asked about a month ago.

01:33:28.000 We'll go together.

01:33:29.000 She just stopped getting car sick, bro.

01:33:31.000 Oh, really?

01:33:32.000 We just got over it.

01:33:33.000 Yeah? 0.97

01:33:33.000 That's why I'm not doing New Year's with you and none of that shit, because we're going to go away. 0.97

01:33:37.000 Does she look out the window? 0.98

01:33:39.000 No.

01:33:39.000 How does she not get car sick?

01:33:40.000 No.

01:33:41.000 What keeps her from getting? 0.82

01:33:42.000 We leave early and I don't feed her. 0.99

01:33:44.000 We take her out of the house fucking soldier style. 0.99

01:33:46.000 Oh, that's good. 0.99

01:33:47.000 And we only go one hour.

01:33:48.000 So that's why we went to Huntington Beach.

01:33:50.000 We go to Santa Barbara.

01:33:51.000 Right.

01:33:52.000 So that's what I'm going to do on those little holidays now.

01:33:54.000 That's good. 1.00

01:33:54.000 Just get her the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:33:56.000 I'm sick and tired of sitting here for Thanksgiving. 1.00

01:33:58.000 Yeah.

01:33:59.000 Take it down to Hellington Beach.

01:34:00.000 I got the nice hotel for kids.

01:34:02.000 You drop them off at 8, they surf. 1.00

01:34:04.000 You could have to walk to the fucking beach for them. 1.00

01:34:06.000 You have to walk on the street. 0.99

01:34:09.000 And then I'll go up to Montecito with them for New Year's.

01:34:13.000 I love it up there.

01:34:14.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:34:14.000 That's it, bro.

01:34:15.000 Come back from Portland.

01:34:17.000 That Friday, I get back that Thursday.

01:34:19.000 That Friday, I'm doing the two shows after Christmas.

01:34:21.000 Get back, and I'm taking them up to Montecito to the 2nd.

01:34:25.000 There's nothing to do down here.

01:34:26.000 Nothing to do.

01:34:27.000 Nothing to do.

01:34:28.000 Have you thought about moving out of here?

01:34:32.000 Just waiting.

01:34:33.000 Just waiting?

01:34:34.000 For what?

01:34:35.000 Just waiting for another year.

01:34:36.000 Another year.

01:34:37.000 Where are you thinking of going?

01:34:40.000 I don't know.

01:34:41.000 It's Colorado or Lexington, Kentucky.

01:34:43.000 Huh.

01:34:44.000 Yeah.

01:34:46.000 There's a lot of people here, Joey Diaz.

01:34:48.000 Seems like it's getting worse, too.

01:34:51.000 The thing that freaks me out is the eminent doom.

01:34:53.000 That one day, for sure, the Earth's gonna move. 0.89

01:34:57.000 The fuckin' water pipes are gonna break. 0.91

01:35:00.000 Fire's gonna break out. 0.98

01:35:01.000 For sure, we're gonna have a disaster.

01:35:03.000 And when we have a disaster, then we're gonna realize the real consequences of jamming 20 million people into a small area. 0.98

01:35:11.000 That bothers me.

01:35:11.000 When all this was going on this summer, and for two or three weeks you'd watch the news, wouldn't you think of that?

01:35:17.000 Like, we gotta be next. 0.68

01:35:18.000 We're sitting here in our cozy fucking warm living room watching Florida underwater, Texas underwater, you know, what's gonna come to us? 0.98

01:35:28.000 Well, the fires of Northern California were fucking insane. 0.98

01:35:30.000 Hardly anybody talked about them. 0.98

01:35:32.000 There's not a ton of people living up there, so it didn't get the amount of press that it deserved because there was so much going on in Texas, so much going on in Florida, so much going on in Puerto Rico, but the fucking fires in Northern California were insane, and they couldn't do a thing about them. 0.77

01:35:48.000 They didn't have fire hydrants in a lot of these places, they didn't have access to water, and they were just burning through towns. 0.71

01:35:53.000 I think they said hundreds of people are missing, And thousands of buildings were burnt to the ground.

01:35:59.000 And it barely made the news. 0.99

01:36:01.000 Fucking Puerto Rico is still without light. 0.99

01:36:03.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:36:04.000 They're fucked. 1.00

01:36:05.000 They're fucked. 1.00

01:36:05.000 And they're not getting any funding. 1.00

01:36:07.000 How come they're not getting funding?

01:36:09.000 They've got some.

01:36:10.000 I mean, it's not that they're not getting funding, but they're not getting enough to rebuild, to do what they need to do, to get their infrastructure back up.

01:36:16.000 People don't understand about Puerto Rico is that you have San Juan and Viejo San Juan. 0.99

01:36:21.000 And after that, what surrounds these cities is what you see on TV, is these fucking villages. 0.98

01:36:28.000 Did you read the New York Times article about Cuba? 0.99

01:36:32.000 No.

01:36:32.000 About the hurricane?

01:36:33.000 How good they are with hurricanes?

01:36:35.000 No.

01:36:36.000 You gotta read that article. 1.00

01:36:37.000 They've been practicing this shit since 1950. Well, they have to. 1.00

01:36:40.000 They're a fucking island. 1.00

01:36:41.000 When I called my sister, my sister was like, it was three days. 1.00

01:36:44.000 We got killed.

01:36:45.000 They got killed in Kamaui. 1.00

01:36:46.000 Where my dad's from, they got fucking killed. 0.99

01:36:48.000 That's still underwater. 1.00

01:36:49.000 But they don't fuck around. 1.00

01:36:51.000 They have this complete... 0.99

01:36:52.000 If you could look it up, a New York Times article, it was fucking huge. 0.86

01:36:56.000 About how they handle hurricanes. 0.93

01:36:58.000 How do they handle it?

01:36:59.000 Community. 1.00

01:37:00.000 They fucking... 1.00

01:37:02.000 What's that? 1.00

01:37:03.000 When they pull you out?

01:37:05.000 Evacuate?

01:37:05.000 They pull you out right away.

01:37:06.000 I mean, they just...

01:37:07.000 Like, you didn't hear about Cuba having any problems.

01:37:09.000 No.

01:37:09.000 They got killed.

01:37:10.000 But they are so used to it.

01:37:12.000 They have such a great system for dealing with it.

01:37:16.000 There you go.

01:37:17.000 Hurricane tips from Cuba.

01:37:18.000 Yeah, there you go.

01:37:20.000 Unbelievable.

01:37:21.000 What is that right there?

01:37:22.000 The water hitting? 0.99

01:37:23.000 Holy shit. 0.99

01:37:24.000 That's a Malacong. 1.00

01:37:25.000 Look at that. 0.95

01:37:25.000 They got a 1950s car and the water is like fucking 80 feet in the air, smashing waves against the side of the building. 0.95

01:37:32.000 Or the side of the road, rather. 0.85

01:37:34.000 How cool is that car?

01:37:35.000 It's a pretty badass little car. 1.00

01:37:35.000 Just look at that fucking car. 1.00

01:37:36.000 How cool is that car? 1.00

01:37:37.000 They take those cars and they put like four-cylinder diesels in them, too. 0.91

01:37:41.000 They do all kinds of crazy shit with those cars to keep them running. 0.97

01:37:43.000 Did you watch that show? 0.96

01:37:44.000 When they did it, the 13 episodes of the Cuban cars?

01:37:47.000 No.

01:37:48.000 But I've seen a lot of things on them.

01:37:50.000 Pretty interesting. 1.00

01:37:50.000 How they fucking paint them and how they make all that shit. 1.00

01:37:53.000 They get like tar and they put the car together. 1.00

01:37:56.000 Pretty interesting shit. 0.98

01:37:58.000 There was a guy who bought an island outside of Cuba. 0.99

01:38:04.000 I forget what island it was, but it got hit so bad by the hurricane that it completely wiped off everything on the island.

01:38:11.000 This guy, some billionaire character, bought the entire island.

01:38:14.000 And for the first time in over 300 years, it's unpopulated.

01:38:18.000 There's literally no one living on this island.

01:38:20.000 It went from being this green, lush Ireland to being just a big, flat patch of dirt.

01:38:26.000 Like, flattened.

01:38:27.000 It just got hit by the full brunt of the storm right after this dude bought it.

01:38:32.000 I mean, I don't know how much he spent on it.

01:38:34.000 Was it Richard Branson's Island?

01:38:36.000 I don't think so.

01:38:37.000 No.

01:38:38.000 No, I think it was the guy who owns John Paul Mitchell.

01:38:44.000 Nectar Island completely.

01:38:45.000 Oh, no, we noticed he was ad blocking.

01:38:47.000 So Richard Branson says, Nectar Island, completely and utterly devastated by Hurricane Irma.

01:38:53.000 Yeah, I'm sure that island got jacked, too.

01:38:56.000 But there was an island that is completely unpopulated for the first time in 300 years.

01:39:02.000 I forget what the island was, but these are just going to get worse.

01:39:05.000 The crazy thing about these hurricanes is they're building up steam out in the ocean versus in the Gulf.

01:39:11.000 Like, usually they would get to the Gulf...

01:39:13.000 And they would build up because the Gulf has warmer water.

01:39:16.000 But the water in the ocean is getting so warm.

01:39:19.000 Yeah, that's it.

01:39:22.000 I don't think somebody owns that one.

01:39:24.000 No, someone just bought it.

01:39:25.000 Oh, really?

01:39:25.000 Yeah.

01:39:26.000 Yeah, some guy just bought the island of Barbuda.

01:39:28.000 Let me ask you something, Barbuda.

01:39:30.000 I think.

01:39:30.000 So you've been thinking about leaving?

01:39:32.000 Yes.

01:39:32.000 Or are you thinking about staying?

01:39:33.000 No, I think about leaving all the time.

01:39:35.000 You and your wife been discussing it, and you open it up again. 0.87

01:39:38.000 Well, when it was getting 109 degrees in fucking October, we were like, what is this gonna be like in five years? 0.97

01:39:45.000 Like, is this gonna keep getting worse? 0.84

01:39:47.000 Like, if climate change is real, it seems to be, if we're getting record temperatures every year, which seems to be happening at least around here, You've got to wonder when that's not sustainable anymore.

01:39:58.000 Do you want to live in Phoenix in August?

01:40:00.000 I don't.

01:40:01.000 You know that Phoenix weather?

01:40:03.000 We've been there before.

01:40:04.000 It's 120 degrees.

01:40:06.000 That's not dealable to me.

01:40:10.000 We've got to assume that...

01:40:13.000 Robert De Niro vows to rebuild the island of Barbuda after Hurricane Irma strikes.

01:40:17.000 Why? 0.96

01:40:17.000 Is it filled with black chicks? 0.96

01:40:18.000 No, he owns... 0.96

01:40:19.000 The year before, I guess he bought a resort there or something like that.

01:40:24.000 Jamie's taking it all literally.

01:40:25.000 No, no, no.

01:40:26.000 That's not why.

01:40:27.000 Oh my God. 0.99

01:40:28.000 Did you ever see when they did the fucking benefit for him? 0.99

01:40:32.000 They did the tribute to Robert De Niro. 0.98

01:40:34.000 No. 1.00

01:40:35.000 And Beyonce got up there with a fucking mini skirt and started dancing. 1.00

01:40:39.000 Poor Robert De Niro. 1.00

01:40:40.000 Did he go crazy?

01:40:41.000 Oh my God.

01:40:42.000 You could see him just melting like salivating.

01:40:45.000 Look at that dark skin. 1.00

01:40:46.000 He loves the sisters.

01:40:48.000 He does.

01:40:49.000 Can't be mad at him for that.

01:40:50.000 It's kind of interesting.

01:40:52.000 Is there another famous guy that's known for loving black chicks as much as De Niro is?

01:40:59.000 No. 0.59

01:41:00.000 No.

01:41:01.000 He's like known for it.

01:41:03.000 Well, you crack jokes about it and everybody knows the joke, right?

01:41:05.000 Like it's known for it, but nobody really says none because it's De Niro.

01:41:09.000 Right.

01:41:09.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:41:10.000 Well, I mean, it's not wrong with it.

01:41:12.000 It's just got a thing.

01:41:12.000 Yeah, that's just flavor.

01:41:13.000 That's what you like. 0.99

01:41:14.000 What the fuck are you going to do? 0.99

01:41:15.000 But it's an obvious flavor. 1.00

01:41:16.000 It's like, I mean, I can't even think of a single celebrity that's like known for having a predilection for Asian chicks.

01:41:23.000 Name one.

01:41:26.000 Okay. 0.99

01:41:26.000 Name another celebrity that's got a thing for black chicks. 0.99

01:41:32.000 De Niro. 0.95

01:41:32.000 De Niro's the running joke. 0.95

01:41:35.000 Wesley Snipes.

01:41:36.000 He's got a thing for Asian chicks? 1.00

01:41:39.000 Didn't he?

01:41:40.000 I think.

01:41:40.000 Maybe.

01:41:41.000 Yeah, maybe.

01:41:42.000 Maybe he's married to one or something.

01:41:43.000 Something, something.

01:41:44.000 Yeah, but not enough where you can tell a joke about it.

01:41:46.000 De Niro's one of those guys where a piece of information has to be so far distributed, so widely distributed that you can crack jokes about it.

01:41:56.000 And everybody knows what you're talking about.

01:41:58.000 That's the De Niro thing.

01:42:00.000 It's gotten to the point where anybody could crack a joke about it.

01:42:02.000 Did you prefer any particular woman type when you were dating?

01:42:07.000 No, not really.

01:42:07.000 I like white chicks.

01:42:09.000 Yeah?

01:42:09.000 Yeah, I love white chicks.

01:42:10.000 Dirty white chicks. 1.00

01:42:11.000 Love them. 0.99

01:42:12.000 Love them, love them, love them, love them.

01:42:14.000 Chinese, I like.

01:42:15.000 Why? 1.00

01:42:15.000 Dirty white chicks. 1.00

01:42:16.000 Yeah, I love white, dirty white chicks. 1.00

01:42:18.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:42:19.000 As a kid, I liked Irish chicks. 1.00

01:42:21.000 I grew up in a place where I was surrounded with chicks with freckles and Red hair and sweaty tits. 1.00

01:42:28.000 I love all that shit. 1.00

01:42:30.000 I don't like dirty feet, but I like white chicks. 1.00

01:42:33.000 I like dirty feet. 0.99

01:42:34.000 I like white chicks. 1.00

01:42:36.000 They say when you're a kid, like the things you're surrounded by, the things that you first come in contact with when you become sexually active, that sort of like cements in your brain in a lot of people. 0.51

01:42:46.000 But I had all those Marie's and all those Gina's. 0.53

01:42:49.000 I can't deal with that either.

01:42:50.000 Marie's and Gina's?

01:42:51.000 Italian dogs?

01:42:52.000 I love Italian chicks, but there's like Lisa's, Gina's. 1.00

01:42:55.000 Yeah, they want to fight and shit. 1.00

01:42:57.000 They want to scream at you and throw shit. 1.00

01:42:58.000 Yeah, I didn't. 1.00

01:42:59.000 There was something about that that I liked them. 1.00

01:43:02.000 They were hotter than fuck. 1.00

01:43:03.000 I love Italian women, you know? 1.00

01:43:05.000 Mm-hmm.

01:43:05.000 But I really like white chicks.

01:43:07.000 Irish chicks is my shit. 1.00

01:43:09.000 I don't know what it is. 1.00

01:43:11.000 I love them. 0.98

01:43:12.000 I fucking love them, man. 0.93

01:43:13.000 But to just... 1.00

01:43:14.000 Like, I have a friend that's Jewish, and that's all he dates is black chicks. 0.99

01:43:18.000 Really? 0.99

01:43:19.000 Hef from The Sopranos.

01:43:20.000 Yes.

01:43:21.000 What was the old man?

01:43:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:43:22.000 Remember they accused him?

01:43:23.000 He goes, I don't know if you look.

01:43:24.000 She's a little pale for my taste. 0.81

01:43:26.000 Yeah.

01:43:26.000 You know, it's just some people.

01:43:28.000 I have a buddy, same thing.

01:43:29.000 Jewish guy. 0.99

01:43:30.000 Loves black chicks. 0.99

01:43:31.000 Married his second black chick. 0.98

01:43:33.000 Yeah. 0.94

01:43:33.000 Two in a row. 0.94

01:43:34.000 Oh, that's right.

01:43:34.000 That's right.

01:43:35.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:43:35.000 You know that guy.

01:43:36.000 Yeah.

01:43:36.000 No, that's all they call.

01:43:38.000 And it's funny because you think of like a black, like De Niro. 0.99

01:43:42.000 He's an older guy.

01:43:43.000 You know, he was around.

01:43:44.000 I can just imagine the first time De Niro went home.

01:43:47.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:43:47.000 And brought a black chick home and his dad's like, what the fuck is going on here? 1.00

01:43:50.000 Well, maybe not his dad, but how about all those fucking people that loved him in those movies? 1.00

01:43:54.000 All those Ginzos? 1.00

01:43:56.000 You know, probably racist. 0.99

01:43:57.000 And then loved him in all these, and expected him to be with some fucking mafia-looking lady, and he shows up with some super soul sister. 1.00

01:44:05.000 Well, that's why fucking Bronx Tale was so good. 0.97

01:44:08.000 He really put that part of his life in there. 0.99

01:44:11.000 Like that part with the black chick, you know, that kid that went to jail. 0.99

01:44:14.000 That's what Bronx Tale was about, really.

01:44:16.000 I hardly remember that movie. 0.99

01:44:18.000 Yeah, it was about, uh, Bronx Tale is a good fucking movie. 0.98

01:44:21.000 And we just, I hated it in the movie theater. 0.98

01:44:24.000 When I went to see it, I didn't like it.

01:44:26.000 It wasn't for me.

01:44:27.000 But now, it was on a couple weeks ago, that scene with the bikers. 0.99

01:44:31.000 That's a great fucking scene. 0.99

01:44:32.000 And that's a true story. 1.00

01:44:34.000 That's a true fucking story. 0.99

01:44:36.000 It's an old school Sammy the Bull story. 1.00

01:44:39.000 Bunch of bikers went into his bar.

01:44:41.000 Sammy came back, told him to be cool.

01:44:43.000 No.

01:44:44.000 Clocked the door and said, no, you can't leave.

01:44:46.000 And they just beat...

01:44:47.000 You ever seen that? 0.98

01:44:48.000 They just beat the fuck out of all those bikers and they get out of there. 0.69

01:44:51.000 But that movie was about the kid that was on The Sopranos that ended up going to prison for murder.

01:44:58.000 What's this?

01:44:59.000 Colossal though.

01:45:00.000 Yeah.

01:45:01.000 Yeah.

01:45:01.000 Oh, this is hilarious.

01:45:03.000 With the guy with bad luck.

01:45:04.000 His name was Mush.

01:45:05.000 So they put him in the closet.

01:45:07.000 They wouldn't even...

01:45:07.000 I don't want his money touching my money.

01:45:10.000 He's so bad luck.

01:45:11.000 But that whole thing is about him dating the black chain.

01:45:15.000 And then they go to the...

01:45:16.000 Remember that street in the Bronx where I used to get nickel bags at whatever avenue? 0.99

01:45:23.000 All that shit up there. 1.00

01:45:25.000 So it ends in a black neighborhood. 1.00

01:45:27.000 So he would have to walk home.

01:45:29.000 And then one night on the walk home, his four friends went into the black neighborhood with the car, and they got blown up.

01:45:35.000 You gotta watch this movie again.

01:45:37.000 It's a good movie, man. 0.99

01:45:39.000 That Chaz Palminteri guy, he did a lot of shit, and then he kind of vanished. 1.00

01:45:45.000 He's still around. 0.99

01:45:46.000 He's doing this shit in Broadway now. 1.00

01:45:49.000 What's he doing? 1.00

01:45:49.000 The Bronx Tale on Broadway. 1.00

01:45:51.000 He just took it out to...

01:45:52.000 See?

01:45:53.000 He took it out to...

01:45:54.000 The new musical.

01:45:56.000 Whew, got in with the gay community.

01:45:58.000 Look at there, De Niro, and who's the guy on the left? 0.96

01:46:01.000 That's the gay guy. 0.99

01:46:05.000 We tell a Bronx tale, yeah. 0.66

01:46:07.000 This is a good movie, man.

01:46:08.000 That's bizarre.

01:46:10.000 Bizarre.

01:46:11.000 Remember, this guy lived with your boys, and they used to go home at night and tell stories every night.

01:46:17.000 So those guys are pissed because they said supposedly he took some of their stories...

01:46:20.000 Frankie Renzulli.

01:46:21.000 Frankie Renzulli, most of his stories from East Boston actually wound up in this movie.

01:46:28.000 So he did...

01:46:29.000 They kind of...

01:46:30.000 Renzulli was the guy in The Sopranos, right?

01:46:32.000 Yeah, he wrote for The Sopranos.

01:46:34.000 He's written for a lot of things.

01:46:36.000 Yeah.

01:46:37.000 That world of guineas and mob movies and mob stuff, it's just like...

01:46:43.000 It becomes...

01:46:44.000 It's like an identity in a weird business.

01:46:47.000 It's like an identity that they put on, you know, the connected Italian character identity, you know.

01:46:56.000 And like, from The Sopranos on, that became a big selling point in Hollywood.

01:47:01.000 Like, it was a niche.

01:47:02.000 You know, the people got excited about, like the Italian gangster movie became a big thing, the Italian gangster films became a big thing, and so there was like a whole bunch of guys, like I'm sure you went out for auditions, and you were around those guys that were in that loop. 0.98

01:47:17.000 It's a dumb loop. 0.95

01:47:18.000 Hilarious. 1.00

01:47:18.000 It's a dumb loop. 1.00

01:47:19.000 It's hilarious. 0.99

01:47:20.000 It really is hilarious.

01:47:21.000 Well, they were talking about it last night.

01:47:23.000 Like, look, The Sopranos killed the mafia TV show.

01:47:26.000 That's it.

01:47:27.000 You won't see another mob movie again for 10 years.

01:47:30.000 Because it was so good?

01:47:31.000 Yeah, it just covered too many of the bases.

01:47:33.000 You've never seen it again.

01:47:34.000 Every once in a while, I get a script for a mob movie.

01:47:36.000 Hey, they want you to go read for this.

01:47:37.000 I open it up, and if I see Gino...

01:47:40.000 Vinny or Tony or Angelo, I closed the script. 1.00

01:47:43.000 Because you're living in a fucking fool's paradise. 1.00

01:47:46.000 It's not going to get made, or it's not going to do nothing. 1.00

01:47:49.000 And that's why they haven't been able to figure out the post-Soprano world.

01:47:54.000 It was too much.

01:47:56.000 They got into the Columbus.

01:47:57.000 I mean, they even got into Columbus Day. 0.99

01:48:00.000 That's how brilliant the fucking Sopranos were. 1.00

01:48:04.000 They did an episode about Columbus Day when they sent people down there. 0.99

01:48:08.000 Nick DiPaolo played the cop, and Oh, yeah.

01:48:10.000 Do you remember?

01:48:11.000 Do you remember that Sopranos started off as a comedy?

01:48:14.000 Yeah.

01:48:15.000 Oh, yeah.

01:48:15.000 Sopranos started off, the first episode was over-the-top comedy.

01:48:19.000 Where, what's her name?

01:48:21.000 Edie Falco was outside with an AK-47 because her daughter was trying to sneak out. 0.86

01:48:25.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:48:25.000 I mean, she was a cartoon character.

01:48:28.000 I mean, it was ridiculous.

01:48:29.000 And then slowly but surely, it became this really intense, complicated drama. 0.65

01:48:36.000 And it wasn't funny at all.

01:48:39.000 Well, the mother died and that changed everything.

01:48:41.000 It was the first show that somebody died and changed the course of it.

01:48:44.000 Because it would have been completely different.

01:48:46.000 It would have ended with her being the boss. 0.99

01:48:48.000 Yeah.

01:48:48.000 It would have been the first time her...

01:48:50.000 But they went back to this last night with The Godfather.

01:48:54.000 How they had failed twice to make a mob movie.

01:48:57.000 Kirk Douglas had done a movie in 67. It didn't do well.

01:49:02.000 So when this Mario Puzo was fucking... 0.99

01:49:04.000 The book was tremendous. 0.99

01:49:05.000 They sent it to...

01:49:07.000 What's his name?

01:49:08.000 They did not want Marlon Brando.

01:49:10.000 Really?

01:49:11.000 No, they did not.

01:49:12.000 Marlon Brando had been a dud. 0.98

01:49:14.000 He had just done fucking that movie where he bought the island. 0.99

01:49:20.000 Oh, Island of Dr. Moreau? 0.99

01:49:21.000 No, no.

01:49:22.000 The big one when he first bought the island in 1768 or something like that.

01:49:26.000 Oh, when he bought his own island.

01:49:28.000 Right, but he shot the movie, Bounty, what is it?

01:49:31.000 Treasure?

01:49:32.000 I forget what the name of the movie is.

01:49:33.000 Monte Cristo or something?

01:49:34.000 No, they gave him a bunch of money and go down there and shoot the movie.

01:49:37.000 He fell in love with one of the natives.

01:49:39.000 So he got like the first guy, hey, Jamie, come here.

01:49:42.000 Direct the movie. 1.00

01:49:43.000 And he started fucking her every day. 1.00

01:49:45.000 So Paramount wanted the footage. 0.99

01:49:47.000 When Paramount saw the footage, they saw birds and people running.

01:49:51.000 They go, what happened to our movie? 0.97

01:49:52.000 So they kind of like fucking fired Brando from directing it. 0.96

01:49:57.000 Mutiny on the Bounty. 0.98

01:50:00.000 So he was done.

01:50:01.000 He came back to the States like he was persona non grata.

01:50:05.000 They didn't want to talk to him no more. 1.00

01:50:07.000 You fucked our money. 1.00

01:50:09.000 You left your wife for this hot chick on an island. 1.00

01:50:11.000 Yeah, once he met her, he told his wife to go fuck herself, Paramount to go fuck themselves, and he just started hanging out with you. 1.00

01:50:18.000 Go full screen with her. 1.00

01:50:20.000 God damn. 1.00

01:50:21.000 I get it. 1.00

01:50:23.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:50:24.000 That's legit, huh? 1.00

01:50:27.000 Bought the fucking island, Joe Rogan. 1.00

01:50:30.000 Man. 1.00

01:50:31.000 She's fucking hot. 1.00

01:50:33.000 That's some serious Polynesian genes right there, baby. 1.00

01:50:37.000 So when he came back, they didn't want...

01:50:39.000 You know they didn't want Michael either?

01:50:41.000 What?

01:50:41.000 They wanted...

01:50:42.000 They didn't want Al Pacino, you mean?

01:50:45.000 For Michael Corleone?

01:50:46.000 They wanted...

01:50:47.000 They wanted Robert Redford.

01:50:50.000 Whoa, what?

01:50:51.000 What?

01:50:54.000 Or Ryan O'Neal.

01:50:56.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

01:50:57.000 That's who they wanted for Rocky.

01:51:00.000 That's hilarious.

01:51:01.000 Ryan O'Neal!

01:51:01.000 That's what they wanted.

01:51:02.000 That answer, from 73 to 75, we need a black actor. 0.85

01:51:06.000 How about Ryan O'Neal?

01:51:07.000 We need a boxer. 1.00

01:51:08.000 How about Ryan O'Neal?

01:51:09.000 They loved Ryan O'Neal's looks, so they were going to put him in Rocky.

01:51:12.000 You don't even hear about him anymore. 0.98

01:51:14.000 Well, he's 90,000 fucking years old. 0.99

01:51:16.000 What is this? 0.99

01:51:17.000 His original cast list, like people he had written down.

01:51:20.000 For what movie?

01:51:21.000 For The Godfather.

01:51:23.000 Wow.

01:51:24.000 Jimmy Kahn.

01:51:26.000 Jimmy.

01:51:27.000 So who wrote this list?

01:51:29.000 This is Coppola's list.

01:51:30.000 Coppola's list.

01:51:30.000 Wow.

01:51:31.000 Corey Leone.

01:51:32.000 Marlon Brando, underlined.

01:51:34.000 He wanted Al Pacino badly.

01:51:38.000 He just did that movie about the...

01:51:40.000 Heroin or something.

01:51:42.000 And they didn't want him.

01:51:44.000 The studio didn't want him?

01:51:45.000 No, the studio didn't want him.

01:51:46.000 He wanted him, but the studio didn't want him.

01:51:48.000 Wow. 0.99

01:51:49.000 So fucking John Saxon was going to play Sonny Corleone. 1.00

01:51:53.000 That would have been terrible. 1.00

01:51:54.000 John Saxon from Enter the Dragon?

01:51:56.000 Enter the Dragon, yeah.

01:51:57.000 That guy was a good actor.

01:51:58.000 Yeah.

01:51:59.000 Robert Duvall for Tom Haley.

01:52:00.000 Look at that list.

01:52:02.000 Wow.

01:52:04.000 That's amazing.

01:52:05.000 Yeah, there's some movies that just, even today, if you try to watch them, they're phenomenal.

01:52:10.000 That's one of them.

01:52:11.000 This one's one of them.

01:52:12.000 It's phenomenal.

01:52:12.000 This one's one of them.

01:52:13.000 Don't watch the one with the brought back footage, though.

01:52:16.000 Which one's that?

01:52:17.000 The one that HBO released.

01:52:18.000 I don't like Sonny.

01:52:19.000 You could tell how bad James Connors is an actor then.

01:52:23.000 Oh, it's brutal.

01:52:25.000 It's brutal.

01:52:26.000 Have you seen the eight hour one?

01:52:27.000 No.

01:52:27.000 On HBO where they put them all together?

01:52:29.000 No.

01:52:30.000 They put them all together and they put all the pieces back in.

01:52:33.000 Really?

01:52:34.000 But you got to have a lot of time.

01:52:36.000 Eight hours?

01:52:37.000 Yeah, it's like six hours.

01:52:38.000 Who's got time for that?

01:52:39.000 You break it up into two-hour segments.

01:52:41.000 But it's pretty interesting.

01:52:43.000 It shows you what really happened with the father in him.

01:52:46.000 Like the father would just torture Michael.

01:52:48.000 How you doing? 0.93

01:52:49.000 How's that little white girlfriend doing? 1.00

01:52:51.000 Hysterical. 1.00

01:52:52.000 There's a scene in the hospital where he pulls him over and goes, how's that little white piece of ass doing and shit? 1.00

01:52:58.000 Did you tell her? 1.00

01:53:00.000 And then he, like, how's those medals?

01:53:02.000 What are those? 0.68

01:53:03.000 Shooting people? 1.00

01:53:03.000 He's shooting strangers and shit. 1.00

01:53:05.000 And then they go into, it opens up with them at the wedding, and they go from the wedding to the hospital to see the guy, the originally Consul of the Eddie, and you gotta see that scene. 0.98

01:53:15.000 The dude is sitting there, and Brando walks in, and he's like, Godfather, hold my hand.

01:53:22.000 The Reaper's gonna come, but if he sees you, he'll be scared. 0.97

01:53:26.000 Like, that's how fucking much they love the Godfather. 0.98

01:53:29.000 And then he goes, listen, I'm here with my four sons. 0.98

01:53:32.000 He ain't gonna bother you.

01:53:34.000 I'm here with your sons.

01:53:35.000 I'm here with my sons to pay their respects to you.

01:53:37.000 He ain't gonna bother you. 1.00

01:53:39.000 It shows all that shit. 1.00

01:53:40.000 The guy that blew up his wife in Sicily, it shows him getting him in Buffalo now. 1.00

01:53:46.000 Oh really?

01:53:46.000 They put that back in?

01:53:47.000 Yeah, he owns a pizza parlor and he gets in the car and they blow him up. 1.00

01:53:50.000 They show all that shit. 0.99

01:53:51.000 So who cut that stuff out? 1.00

01:53:52.000 The studio or the director?

01:53:54.000 The studio.

01:53:54.000 The studio, I think.

01:53:55.000 It was too long?

01:53:56.000 You know, don't quote me on that.

01:53:57.000 Maybe the studio, maybe the director.

01:53:59.000 But James Caan's scenes are just not too bueno.

01:54:02.000 No?

01:54:02.000 You can see he doesn't.

01:54:03.000 But Michael's fucking tough. 0.99

01:54:06.000 Michael, Salazzo, all those dudes. 0.99

01:54:08.000 That's when directing was directing.

01:54:10.000 If you've ever done anything bad, In your life, if you've ever done anything bad, when you do something bad, you know your ears ring.

01:54:17.000 Your ears ring?

01:54:18.000 Oh, when your adrenaline's off the charts, when you're hiding in a bush, and somebody's coming towards you, and you gotta hit them with that stick, you have no idea what happens to you.

01:54:29.000 You have no idea, Joe Rogan.

01:54:31.000 That's why I've always loved The Godfather, all those type of movies, because when he comes out of the bathroom, you hear the train screeching.

01:54:40.000 Gee! 0.97

01:54:41.000 Right.

01:54:42.000 But that's what you hear.

01:54:43.000 When your heart's pumping, bro, when your heart's pumping... 0.96

01:54:46.000 I'm just talking about hitting somebody in the head with a stick. 0.98

01:54:49.000 Right. 1.00

01:54:49.000 Never mind having to come out of a restaurant with a gun and shooting two people. 1.00

01:54:52.000 I can't imagine where your heart goes. 0.99

01:54:54.000 Where do you just get up and shoot people?

01:54:56.000 Your heart beats, that adrenaline's going. 0.91

01:54:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:54:59.000 You fucking... 1.00

01:55:00.000 You don't hear nothing. 1.00

01:55:01.000 Like, when I used to rob houses or rob drug dealers, I can't hear nothing.

01:55:06.000 You just go under, bro.

01:55:08.000 You just go under. 1.00

01:55:09.000 Your heart takes fucking over. 1.00

01:55:11.000 You know, I had this... 0.99

01:55:12.000 I forgot about this.

01:55:14.000 I had this...

01:55:14.000 When I was 19, I was an electrician.

01:55:16.000 Did you know that?

01:55:17.000 In Aspen?

01:55:18.000 Yeah, he told me. 0.99

01:55:18.000 And there was a dude that used to break my balls all the time. 0.99

01:55:21.000 Like, say stupid things for me. 1.00

01:55:23.000 He would always go, there's two things about you I don't like. 1.00

01:55:25.000 You're Cuban and you're from the East Coast. 1.00

01:55:27.000 So I always knew me and this guy were going to have a little fucking problem. 0.99

01:55:30.000 I was 19. He was a little older than me. 0.98

01:55:33.000 I always knew me and this motherfucker were going to have a problem. 0.99

01:55:35.000 And he'd always say little things to me, go get my tools out of the bag. 1.00

01:55:39.000 And I'd always tell him, go get them yourself, bitch. 1.00

01:55:41.000 And I was kind of scared of the guy, but I knew me and him were going to battle one day. 1.00

01:55:45.000 And one day he said something to me and I told him to go fuck himself. 1.00

01:55:48.000 And when I came back from lunch, he put a box cutter to my throat. 1.00

01:55:52.000 He got me as I was coming in.

01:55:53.000 He threw me against the wall, and he had the box cutter on me. 1.00

01:55:55.000 I was bigger than him physically, and I knew I could fuck him up. 1.00

01:55:58.000 I was just scared. 1.00

01:55:59.000 I was a young kid.

01:56:00.000 I was not in my...

01:56:01.000 I was living in Basalt, Colorado.

01:56:03.000 You know, I was not on my turf with my friends. 0.98

01:56:06.000 But after he put that knife to my throat, I'll never forget that I fucking, like, when he stepped away, that thing came into my mind where if you pull your gun out, use it. 0.96

01:56:17.000 Like, that thing came out, that... 1.00

01:56:19.000 And I go, I'm going to fucking kill this guy. 1.00

01:56:20.000 I'm going to do something bad for this guy. 1.00

01:56:23.000 And I had a guy I used to shoot with that taught me how to shoot guns.

01:56:26.000 He was a Vietnam vet.

01:56:28.000 And on the weekends, I would give him money.

01:56:30.000 He'd teach me how to shoot everything. 1.00

01:56:31.000 ARs and fucking AK. He taught me. 1.00

01:56:33.000 He had every weapon.

01:56:34.000 He was just a Vietnam vet that lived in Aspen.

01:56:36.000 And I finally figured out why they put all those Vietnam vets around Aspen and Colorado. 0.86

01:56:41.000 Why?

01:56:42.000 NORAD! Yeah?

01:56:45.000 NORAD, so they could be ready to fucking rock. 0.99

01:56:47.000 I never thought about that. 0.99

01:56:48.000 You know, everybody thinks that if we get hit, we're gonna hit California and New York.

01:56:52.000 The most strategic place to hit would be NORAD, wouldn't it? 1.00

01:56:54.000 Because they control everything out of Colorado and under that fucking mountain. 1.00

01:56:58.000 Really? 1.00

01:56:59.000 Let's read up about it. 0.96

01:57:00.000 I don't know shit about that. 0.96

01:57:01.000 Yeah, like that was years ago. 0.98

01:57:03.000 They always said if we would get hit, we'd get hit Colorado first.

01:57:06.000 So what happened with you and the guy in the boxcar? 0.98

01:57:07.000 So me and the guy in the boxcar, I kept fucking, like, I was scared of this guy, Joe Rogan. 0.94

01:57:11.000 I was definitely scared of this guy. 0.99

01:57:13.000 But at that time, I wanted to kill my stepfather. 0.99

01:57:15.000 So I went to my friend, the guy that was teaching me how to shoot and shit, and I told him about what happened. 1.00

01:57:20.000 He goes, well, if you're thinking of shooting your stepfather, why don't you use this guy's practice? 0.99

01:57:26.000 What's the difference? 0.99

01:57:27.000 If you're gonna go back to New Jersey and stalk your stepfather and shoot him, start with this guy. 1.00

01:57:32.000 Use him as fucking practice, you know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:57:36.000 I was a little pussy. 1.00

01:57:37.000 I thought about it, but I don't like that the guy put a knife to my throat. 1.00

01:57:39.000 I fucking didn't like that Joe Rogan at all. 0.98

01:57:41.000 I said, I'm gonna get this guy. 0.99

01:57:45.000 So I was cool to him at work.

01:57:46.000 I let him go to work.

01:57:47.000 This went on.

01:57:48.000 I figured I'd get him over the holidays.

01:57:50.000 He was a boozer, and he went to this little bar in Carbondale all the time.

01:57:55.000 And I figured I'd get him down there, so I went to Fred.

01:57:57.000 I go, teach me everything I need to do to get this guy down.

01:58:00.000 And he goes, we're going to get you in and out of there as quick as possible.

01:58:03.000 And he's the first guy that ever taught me a hanger. 0.99

01:58:06.000 You whip somebody with a fucking hanger, it's all over. 0.99

01:58:08.000 You take the hanger, whip it, tape the other side, and just come out of the dark with a hanger. 1.00

01:58:13.000 They don't see nothing.

01:58:13.000 All they see is this.

01:58:15.000 That's all they see. 1.00

01:58:16.000 They don't see a fucking hanger. 1.00

01:58:18.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:58:20.000 And I'll never forget that I stalked this guy for like fucking a week, man. 0.99

01:58:23.000 And I finally fucking caught him. 0.98

01:58:24.000 Joe Rogan, you know I couldn't hear for like two days after I hit him with that anger? 0.99

01:58:28.000 So you beat him up with a hanger? 1.00

01:58:30.000 I beat him up with a hanger and a fucking fighting stick. 1.00

01:58:33.000 A fighting stick? 1.00

01:58:35.000 Like Kali?

01:58:37.000 Filipino Kali sticks? 0.92

01:58:38.000 Yeah. 0.82

01:58:39.000 I took one of those, I put it in my jacket, and I whipped him with the hanger first, and he got out of his car, and then when he went down, I whipped him in the legs. 0.98

01:58:46.000 Dog, I pissed my pants. 1.00

01:58:48.000 I had shit in my ass. 1.00

01:58:50.000 Fear is a motherfucker. 1.00

01:58:52.000 Like, even when you're winning, fear is a motherfucker. 1.00

01:58:56.000 And I couldn't hear for two days after that. 0.99

01:58:58.000 And what happened to the dude?

01:58:59.000 Never came back to work.

01:59:01.000 Really?

01:59:02.000 I went back after the holidays thinking I was going to get arrested that day because I did it well.

01:59:06.000 I had the mask with the hose.

01:59:07.000 I did it perfectly.

01:59:09.000 I threw all the clothes away down in Glenwood Springs.

01:59:11.000 I got rid of everything.

01:59:13.000 You know me.

01:59:14.000 I had this teacher that taught me everything.

01:59:16.000 He goes, if you're going to have blood on your clothing, D and a sweat, get rid of everything.

01:59:21.000 So I had a bag in the car.

01:59:22.000 I went down valley and got through my clothes as I went down the 80s.

01:59:26.000 You ever go up and down 82?

01:59:27.000 If you go from Glenwood Springs up to Aspen, that's one of the worst roads in the country.

01:59:31.000 I just threw my clothes out of there.

01:59:34.000 If I was 18, 19, this guy had to be like 31, bro. 1.00

01:59:38.000 I could smell the fucking... 1.00

01:59:40.000 I was just whipping him at night with that... 1.00

01:59:42.000 Then I took the stick out and I hit him in the legs a few times. 0.99

01:59:46.000 And then I got close to him and I said, don't tell noise to nobody or I'll fucking come back and beat you again. 0.98

01:59:52.000 Because I didn't want him to hear my voice. 0.97

01:59:55.000 I went back after the holidays.

01:59:56.000 He never came back to work.

01:59:58.000 The guy sent somebody down to his house and never came back.

02:00:02.000 But I was so deaf.

02:00:03.000 Like, there's been a couple times that my hearing has been gone because of something bad that I've done. 0.99

02:00:08.000 And the fucking, my heartbeat and the adrenaline, all you hear is like a fucking beep. 0.99

02:00:18.000 Well, most people are just not used to that kind of confrontation, you know? 1.00

02:00:22.000 No, neither am I. Neither am I. Well, the average person, I mean...

02:00:26.000 I just couldn't let him get away with that, that little motherfucker. 1.00

02:00:30.000 You know, I just... 1.00

02:00:31.000 And you never saw him again after that?

02:00:32.000 Never saw him again.

02:00:33.000 Moved everything.

02:00:35.000 He moved? 0.62

02:00:35.000 I was shitting pickles for a couple weeks, because I told him to come get me. 0.62

02:00:40.000 Did he know it was you? 0.95

02:00:42.000 I don't know.

02:00:43.000 Really?

02:00:44.000 I don't know.

02:00:45.000 I gave him like a three month window after the knife thing.

02:00:49.000 I wanted him to forget about it.

02:00:51.000 Like I was gonna do it the right way.

02:00:52.000 This is how you do it.

02:00:53.000 Right.

02:00:54.000 You know?

02:00:56.000 Wow.

02:00:58.000 Can I imagine that was you at 19?

02:01:01.000 Like imagine.

02:01:04.000 There's points in your life where you go, was that even really me?

02:01:07.000 I mean, I know it was me because I have the memory of it.

02:01:11.000 I know it was my physical body back then.

02:01:15.000 But was it really me?

02:01:16.000 When I was trying to write the book, I would read those chapters.

02:01:20.000 I would read it two days later and I would have to stop Joe Rogan because it didn't stop.

02:01:26.000 Like, it didn't stop.

02:01:27.000 Like, when I was in high school, like, we went from robbing a gas station to my buddy losing $60,000.

02:01:32.000 Now we had to rob somebody to get the money.

02:01:35.000 Then I was on a flight to Sarasota, Florida.

02:01:37.000 And then the people, you know, when I was 18, I robbed a jewelry store.

02:01:40.000 And I had to go away.

02:01:41.000 I got a call one day, and they go, come back.

02:01:43.000 The guy got it all taken care of.

02:01:45.000 They didn't arrest you in 60 days, so he filed an insurance report.

02:01:49.000 Now they can't arrest you.

02:01:52.000 You know, like, I learned about all those things at a young age.

02:01:55.000 Like, what a scam.

02:01:56.000 So the guy knew I robbed him.

02:01:58.000 And then afterward, a friend of mine told me, he goes, yeah, I bumped into that guy at a Christmas party.

02:02:02.000 He was happy you robbed him.

02:02:03.000 He goes, he wanted you to rob him.

02:02:05.000 He just didn't want you to come back because then you'd get arrested and have to pay restitution.

02:02:09.000 What can I afford, $5 a week?

02:02:11.000 Right.

02:02:12.000 If he collects the insurance, he gets a big lump sum payment.

02:02:14.000 Plus, he could lie about what was in there.

02:02:18.000 So I was doing him a favor. 1.00

02:02:20.000 No shit. 1.00

02:02:22.000 Fucking crazy what you learn, man. 1.00

02:02:24.000 What you learn as a fucking young... 1.00

02:02:26.000 I was fucked up, Joe Rowan. 1.00

02:02:29.000 Isn't it amazing that you got through it all, though? 0.99

02:02:31.000 That's the really crazy thing.

02:02:33.000 You got through it all pretty unscathed.

02:02:36.000 No.

02:02:36.000 Physically.

02:02:37.000 It cost me a couple years of my life.

02:02:38.000 It cost me my daughter.

02:02:40.000 It cost me a couple years of my life.

02:02:42.000 I remember my early daughter.

02:02:43.000 When you got arrested.

02:02:45.000 Well, I got arrested for the kidnapping.

02:02:46.000 Then I had the kid, and then I had my beef with him.

02:02:51.000 You know, I had the beef with him when he called me a spic, and I smacked him.

02:02:54.000 And I had two felonies already. 0.99

02:02:56.000 They were going to throw me in jail for fucking life. 1.00

02:02:58.000 Him being the guy that was dating your ex-wife. 1.00

02:03:00.000 Yeah, John was dating my ex-wife.

02:03:02.000 And when you have two felonies, one more, but he couldn't.

02:03:05.000 And the city, thank God for bouldering liberals. 0.98

02:03:08.000 Thank God for Boulder and liberals. 1.00

02:03:10.000 You can't use a racial slur inside the city limits of Boulder.

02:03:14.000 Really?

02:03:14.000 It's illegal?

02:03:15.000 Because the University of Colorado, when that chick called J.J. Flanagan a nigga, and he smacked her, and he got away with it on Monday at court because she called her a nigga. 0.97

02:03:24.000 Who was that chick? 1.00

02:03:25.000 What was that story? 1.00

02:03:26.000 Some white chick was drunk, coming out of a fucking Pogo's, one of those 18 and over bars. 1.00

02:03:31.000 And she got into an argument with J.J. Flanagan on the corner. 1.00

02:03:34.000 You know, it was very racist.

02:03:35.000 J.J. Flanagan was a football player at the time from the University of Colorado.

02:03:39.000 Do you ever see that from like 89 to 93, they had a lot of problems in Colorado.

02:03:45.000 They were getting called criminals. 0.98

02:03:46.000 But what it was, it was just three black guys walking down, you know, fucking Boulder at 11 o'clock at night. 0.99

02:03:52.000 Cops pull over. 0.99

02:03:53.000 One of them says racism.

02:03:55.000 They get into a fight.

02:03:56.000 I mean, don't get me wrong, nobody was angels. 0.98

02:03:58.000 That fucking one linebacker they had, Canavis McGee, somebody called him a yarm one time, he punched him in the face so hard he broke the guy's eye socket. 0.98

02:04:08.000 That guy ended up going to the fucking New York Giants as a linebacker. 0.99

02:04:12.000 But that's how bad that cop problem with the college football players, it was that bad in Boulder at one time. 0.98

02:04:19.000 So when I went to court, and the guy goes, there's no charges here.

02:04:23.000 Even the cops wouldn't charge me. 0.99

02:04:24.000 They wrote me a summons to go to court, but they wouldn't charge me for smacking the fucking dude. 0.99

02:04:30.000 And right after that, I knew, you know what, man? 0.99

02:04:32.000 If I stay here, I'm going to go to jail.

02:04:35.000 That's number one.

02:04:36.000 Number two, I really wanted to do comedy.

02:04:39.000 I really wanted to give comedy a shot.

02:04:41.000 You know, I was like, I got to give comedy a shot here.

02:04:44.000 How old were you?

02:04:45.000 32 years old.

02:04:46.000 I got on stage the first time, 1991. So how long is that?

02:04:51.000 26 years?

02:04:52.000 Right?

02:04:53.000 Yeah.

02:04:53.000 26 years.

02:04:54.000 So the first time.

02:04:55.000 I dicked around for the first two years, but like by 93, I got really serious about it.

02:05:01.000 So when I went back to be a dad, I was really serious about that. 0.99

02:05:05.000 I had a good job, but they kept fucking with me. 0.99

02:05:08.000 But that one day when he called me a spick and I smacked him, that changed everything. 0.99

02:05:12.000 I was like, that's never going to be the same.

02:05:13.000 I saw my little girl crying.

02:05:16.000 She didn't grow up in that.

02:05:17.000 I grew up in that world where people were getting smacked.

02:05:21.000 She didn't grow up in that. 0.99

02:05:23.000 So I just said, listen, I'm never going to win this fucking war. 0.99

02:05:27.000 This is going to be a war that I'm going to either end up in jail or something good. 1.00

02:05:31.000 I'm going to kill one of these fucks. 1.00

02:05:33.000 I might as well give comedy a shot. 1.00

02:05:36.000 What do I have to lose?

02:05:38.000 It's just crazy to think that that was your option. 1.00

02:05:41.000 And then think about all the shit that you've been through now. 0.99

02:05:44.000 Like, thinking of yourself back then, you know? 0.99

02:05:48.000 I mean, when you think about today, like, your life with your little daughter and your wife and, you know, doing podcasts and doing all these shows everywhere, and then just thinking, like, holding someone hostage, kidnapping them, robbing a drug deal with a machine gun.

02:06:02.000 I mean, just think that was you.

02:06:04.000 It's weird because that's not you.

02:06:06.000 You are you right now.

02:06:07.000 No, no, no, no.

02:06:08.000 But you have these memories of things that you did.

02:06:12.000 I used a weapon like four times to bust into drug dealers' houses.

02:06:16.000 You know the things that could have happened, man?

02:06:18.000 Oh, yeah.

02:06:18.000 Easily.

02:06:20.000 And then the other times I would just rob him just because of who I was. 0.99

02:06:23.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

02:06:24.000 What are you going to do to me? 1.00

02:06:24.000 I'm just going to rob you. 1.00

02:06:25.000 Think about that guy that pulled the knife on you. 0.99

02:06:27.000 What if after you beat him, he came back and tried to get you and then escalated and the next thing you know, he stabbed him or he shot him or easily you could have murdered somebody.

02:06:35.000 I was so confused at that time.

02:06:38.000 You're 19. 19. Everybody's confused at 19, but 19 and been through the shit that you've been through?

02:06:44.000 Not as confused as I was. 0.99

02:06:46.000 I was really fucking confused. 0.98

02:06:47.000 So I was, you know, from, I think, till 20-something, I wanted to kill my stepdad. 0.97

02:06:54.000 And that was all that was- Why?

02:06:55.000 What was it?

02:06:56.000 I don't know.

02:06:56.000 That was all that was getting consumed with me.

02:06:58.000 Like, that was my consumption.

02:07:00.000 Like, the pain I was going through without my mom, the drugs, and killing my stepdad.

02:07:05.000 Well, why your stepdad?

02:07:06.000 What was it about him?

02:07:06.000 My mom died without a will.

02:07:08.000 My mom didn't leave a will, so he took all the money, all the jewelry.

02:07:12.000 He didn't give me a piece.

02:07:13.000 I didn't collect Social Security.

02:07:17.000 My real father died.

02:07:19.000 My real father was the first Cuban committee man in Union City.

02:07:23.000 And he was doing coke in 1966. And somebody gave him a package, and it was pure heroin.

02:07:28.000 He did a line of that, and he died.

02:07:30.000 They took him to the hospital, and they never signed a death certificate in Union City, New Jersey.

02:07:35.000 So they forced my mother to take him back to Cuba in 1967. My mom had to take my dad.

02:07:40.000 My dad's buried in Cuba.

02:07:42.000 Wow.

02:07:43.000 But guess what?

02:07:43.000 My dad got an insurance policy and the coroner never signed the death certificate.

02:07:51.000 So I never got that prudential insurance.

02:07:53.000 Plus my mom owned property where Miami Airport is. 0.99

02:07:57.000 My mom had that property with two of her drug partners where that fucking thing was. 1.00

02:08:03.000 And I didn't get my cut from that, so I wanted to kill the guy. 0.99

02:08:08.000 So for years, that was my whole thing. 0.99

02:08:10.000 You know, when I went to Colorado and hooked up with Fred, he taught me how to shoot and how to fucking, you know, shoot a fucking rifle and measure distance and all that shit they do on TV. That was me. 0.99

02:08:21.000 What did your stepdad say?

02:08:22.000 Did you ever talk to him? 0.99

02:08:24.000 We ended up talking and shit. 0.97

02:08:26.000 You know what, man? 0.99

02:08:27.000 He was the type of person he was, and I wasn't gonna get shit. 0.99

02:08:31.000 And after a while, I accepted it. 0.99

02:08:33.000 I was like, you know what?

02:08:34.000 I'm putting too much stock into this. 1.00

02:08:36.000 Fuck this. 1.00

02:08:37.000 I'm going to go make my own money. 1.00

02:08:38.000 Do you know what I'm saying?

02:08:39.000 Sometimes we get stuck and I'm happy I didn't get no money because I wouldn't have been the person I am today.

02:08:44.000 I'm happy I didn't get any money.

02:08:46.000 Isn't that funny?

02:08:47.000 That's one of the worst things you can do is win the lottery or get a big inheritance.

02:08:51.000 You would think getting a big inheritance would be amazing for you.

02:08:55.000 It's one of the worst things that can happen.

02:08:57.000 In terms of like your ambition, if you're in the middle of doing something, you got some ideas, or maybe you don't know what you want to do, and you need to find something, you're hungry, and all of a sudden you just get a giant chunk of money, and now you're buying things, and your ambition's gone.

02:09:15.000 You don't know what to do.

02:09:16.000 I don't mind giving somebody startup money.

02:09:18.000 You have to give your child some type of startup money.

02:09:21.000 There's nothing wrong with that.

02:09:22.000 But I'm talking about winning the lottery.

02:09:25.000 People win the lottery, it's like there's a giant percentage of them that ruin their life.

02:09:32.000 Giant.

02:09:33.000 Like, they've done all these studies on people winning the lottery.

02:09:35.000 So what is it?

02:09:36.000 Because I'm giving you a bunch of money.

02:09:37.000 You didn't earn it.

02:09:38.000 Like, I'm giving you a bunch of money.

02:09:40.000 Is that what it is?

02:09:41.000 Yeah, for sure.

02:09:42.000 Like, think about you and all the money that you've earned in your life.

02:09:45.000 You've earned it.

02:09:46.000 You do all these shows.

02:09:47.000 You've built up a successful stand-up career.

02:09:50.000 You've built up a successful podcast.

02:09:52.000 You've done a lot of film and TV. You've worked.

02:09:55.000 You've worked.

02:09:56.000 You've gathered up and you make a good living now.

02:09:59.000 But this is all from work.

02:10:01.000 There's a build-up to it.

02:10:03.000 It makes sense in your head.

02:10:04.000 There's an effort.

02:10:05.000 There's a reward for that effort.

02:10:07.000 There's motivation.

02:10:08.000 There's discipline.

02:10:09.000 There's focus.

02:10:10.000 And then there's a payoff for all that.

02:10:12.000 If you just get the payoff with no discipline, no focus, no lessons learned, it's just not a healthy way to exist.

02:10:18.000 It's terrible. 1.00

02:10:19.000 That's why rich kids are so fucked up. 1.00

02:10:22.000 Rich kids that grow up with trust funds are all fucked, not all of them, a giant percentage of them are fucked up. 1.00

02:10:29.000 I knew a guy who was a rich guy, and his parents were fucking billionaires, and he grew up with two trust funds. 1.00

02:10:36.000 He burned through his first trust fund, fucked that up, and then they had a backup trust fund for him. 0.96

02:10:41.000 He was buying houses and flipping them and losing money and investing in businesses and they all went under.

02:10:47.000 He had no discipline, no understanding of what money really was, and no hunger.

02:10:51.000 Because he never had a time in his life when he was poor.

02:10:54.000 He never had a time in his life where he was worried about paying the bills.

02:10:57.000 And if you don't have that, and you don't have that real motivation, I just don't think you ever really appreciate success.

02:11:02.000 The people I think that appreciate success are the people that worked for it.

02:11:06.000 What you could remember back when you were poor.

02:11:10.000 I've had people say to me, like, why do you do so many jobs?

02:11:12.000 Why do you have so many things you do?

02:11:13.000 Why do you keep moving?

02:11:15.000 Why do you do so much?

02:11:16.000 Because I remember being scared.

02:11:18.000 I remember being broke. 0.58

02:11:19.000 I remember having no idea where the fuck the money was coming from or what my future was going to be. 0.99

02:11:24.000 And I was always terrified of being a loser. 0.98

02:11:26.000 That's that feeling of not succeeding.

02:11:30.000 Is what motivates you.

02:11:32.000 Knowing that you've failed in the past and that, you know, there's been many times where, like, how many times have you bombed and you get off stage and you're like, I can't do this.

02:11:41.000 I'm not a comedian. 0.99

02:11:42.000 I'm fucking terrible. 0.99

02:11:43.000 Like, I gotta figure out what the fuck I'm doing with my life. 0.99

02:11:45.000 If you don't go through those things, if you don't have those experiences, if you don't have those moments in your life Where you're unsure of the future.

02:11:53.000 You're not going to have the real resolve that it takes to make it.

02:11:57.000 The grit and determination that it takes to move forward.

02:12:00.000 And if you don't have that, any success that you do have, you're not going to appreciate.

02:12:04.000 Nothing comes easy.

02:12:05.000 And if it does come easy, you don't have it.

02:12:08.000 You don't really have it.

02:12:10.000 Nothing comes easy.

02:12:11.000 So funny how I would never stick with jiu-jitsu if it wasn't for stand-up.

02:12:15.000 I would have quit jiu-jitsu after the third time.

02:12:17.000 Because it's so hard.

02:12:18.000 Because I would have thought I wouldn't be able to do it.

02:12:19.000 Yeah.

02:12:20.000 Once you try something, you're like, I can't do this.

02:12:22.000 You're dead. 0.99

02:12:23.000 You're dead. 1.00

02:12:24.000 But how fucking scary? 0.99

02:12:27.000 How weird is it that you and I chose a career that basically for the first two years we're not going to get a dime? 0.98

02:12:33.000 Not a dime.

02:12:34.000 And no certainty at all.

02:12:35.000 And nobody understands that. 0.98

02:12:37.000 Nobody understands that, that you're not going to get a fucking job at all. 0.98

02:12:40.000 Not only that, there's no pathway. 0.97

02:12:43.000 It's like if you want to be a doctor, you go to college, you get a degree, you go to medical school, you do your residency, there's a pathway.

02:12:50.000 The pathway is hard work.

02:12:53.000 It's very difficult to do.

02:12:54.000 Not everyone's going to get through it successfully, but at least there's a pathway. 0.96

02:12:58.000 What the fuck is the pathway for being a successful comedian? 0.86

02:13:02.000 Your pathway is different than mine. 0.99

02:13:04.000 Mine's different than Duncan's or Ari's.

02:13:08.000 We all have different pathways.

02:13:10.000 We all have different styles.

02:13:12.000 We all have different points of view.

02:13:13.000 We all have different ways we deliver material.

02:13:16.000 We all have different ways of writing.

02:13:17.000 No one can tell you what to do.

02:13:19.000 When you first got into this, did you think of any success?

02:13:22.000 Honestly.

02:13:22.000 What did you think the outcome was going to be?

02:13:24.000 Because for me, I thought that I was just going to be a rogue comic, and if I was an extra in a movie, that would be the best it would get for me.

02:13:32.000 That's the honest truth.

02:13:33.000 You know, Fitzsimmons and I were talking about this recently because Fitzsimmons and I started out exactly at the same time.

02:13:39.000 Our number one goal was being a professional.

02:13:42.000 Like getting paid.

02:13:43.000 Not having a day job.

02:13:45.000 That was the goal.

02:13:45.000 Being able to pay your bills.

02:13:47.000 That was my goal.

02:13:48.000 That's it.

02:13:48.000 Not having a day job.

02:13:49.000 I didn't care if I made $80,000 or $200,000.

02:13:51.000 No!

02:13:52.000 No, there was no number.

02:13:54.000 There was no, like, I want to buy a mansion or I want to buy a Ferrari.

02:13:57.000 I just wanted to be happy.

02:13:59.000 I wanted to be happy.

02:14:00.000 I didn't want a day job.

02:14:02.000 And I knew one other thing.

02:14:04.000 When I got in that car in June of 95, and I got on 30th Street in Boulder, and I headed out on Iris.

02:14:11.000 There's a gas station there.

02:14:12.000 I left on a thing of a triple run.

02:14:17.000 You know that, right?

02:14:19.000 That's where you left Colorado?

02:14:21.000 Yeah.

02:14:21.000 Tell people what Tribble is.

02:14:22.000 Alright, I met a girl in Michigan that was nasty, hot little dirty stripper. 1.00

02:14:27.000 White girl? 1.00

02:14:27.000 White girl, Carola. 1.00

02:14:29.000 And then she came to Colorado, threw me a little dose of that monkey, got me all crazy, and then she went to Seattle. 1.00

02:14:36.000 I was having so many problems in Denver that there was no...

02:14:42.000 Listen, I love my little girl.

02:14:43.000 I believed that I could have been a good dad.

02:14:45.000 It just wasn't going to work.

02:14:47.000 It just wasn't going to work.

02:14:50.000 This was not going to end good. 0.96

02:14:51.000 And all I kept seeing was that picture of Mickey Rourke at the end of fucking Angel Heart when he's sitting there smoking a cigarette with a razor in his hand, blood all over him. 0.96

02:15:01.000 That's all I kept thinking about. 0.98

02:15:02.000 I go, you know what?

02:15:04.000 I'm going to go to Seattle for the summer, hang out with this broad. 1.00

02:15:07.000 But in my heart, I knew I wasn't going to come back.

02:15:10.000 I knew I wasn't going to come back so much that I had two licenses.

02:15:14.000 You know how you lose a license, and then one day you find it, and by that time you already got a license?

02:15:20.000 Yeah.

02:15:21.000 I must have had like $69 on me when I left Bolden.

02:15:24.000 I had to get to Ogden, Utah.

02:15:26.000 That was my first road gig ever for David Tribble.

02:15:30.000 Ogden, Utah.

02:15:32.000 I think it was like a 10-hour drive, maybe longer.

02:15:35.000 How long had you been doing stand-up?

02:15:37.000 At that point...

02:15:40.000 Two years.

02:15:41.000 So you started in Denver?

02:15:42.000 I started in 91, and now it was 95. But you gotta remember, from 91 to 93, I was a part-time comic.

02:15:51.000 I sold Valiums.

02:15:53.000 You wanna buy coke?

02:15:54.000 Meet me at the broker.

02:15:55.000 I'll sell you coke when I'm doing ten minutes.

02:15:57.000 I didn't write.

02:15:58.000 I didn't really know anything about comic.

02:16:00.000 I just knew I wanted to be a comic.

02:16:01.000 I had a business card, and I told people I was gonna be a comedian.

02:16:04.000 I was just lying.

02:16:06.000 But then I did a stint in New York for nine months.

02:16:10.000 In 93 and that's where I really got a hint.

02:16:13.000 I took a stand-up comedy class.

02:16:15.000 You ready for this?

02:16:17.000 The guy took the stand-up comedy class in New York Comedy Club in 1993. I trained with him now in jiu-jitsu.

02:16:25.000 Really?

02:16:26.000 Moved to Boulder.

02:16:27.000 He's a comedy writer in town. 0.99

02:16:29.000 First couple times I went in there, he's my age, so we're both old as fuck. 0.98

02:16:33.000 I think he's two years older than me. 0.99

02:16:35.000 He's got white hair.

02:16:36.000 And one day I go, he kept calling himself Frank.

02:16:40.000 Frank, Frank, Frank.

02:16:41.000 And I'm on top of him. 1.00

02:16:43.000 And I go, you're fucking Lee Frank! 1.00

02:16:45.000 I took your writing course. 1.00

02:16:47.000 I never forgot.

02:16:48.000 Wow.

02:16:49.000 You realize why you were rolling with him?

02:16:51.000 While I was rolling with him.

02:16:55.000 Then he told me he's friends with you.

02:16:56.000 He opened for you at the Treehouse.

02:16:59.000 In Greenery or something.

02:17:00.000 Oh, in Connecticut?

02:17:01.000 Yeah, he worked with you up there.

02:17:03.000 So now we're tight.

02:17:05.000 Now if I see him in jiu-jitsu, we talk about comedy.

02:17:07.000 So when I took his stand-up comedy class, that's when it hit.

02:17:12.000 Because he said something that hit home.

02:17:13.000 He goes, stand-up comedy is how your world collides with the rest of the world.

02:17:17.000 Plain and simple. 0.99

02:17:19.000 And I took that home and I thought about it and I'm like, fuck it, it makes sense. 0.99

02:17:23.000 And then a week later I went into your old triple N. Remember your old Triple N? Where's that? 0.97

02:17:29.000 Your old Triple N is a fucking dive that used to do an open mic from midnight to four in the morning in like Alcoholville. 0.98

02:17:39.000 Where's alcohol, Bill? 0.98

02:17:40.000 I don't know.

02:17:40.000 Can you look it up for me?

02:17:42.000 It's online, but it's closed.

02:17:44.000 What place is it, though?

02:17:45.000 It's in Manhattan.

02:17:46.000 It's not there anymore.

02:17:47.000 You'll see it.

02:17:49.000 Yeah, old Triple Inn.

02:17:50.000 They did open mics there.

02:17:52.000 Just people falling asleep.

02:17:54.000 You know, you went in there at 12. Like, I would drive a limo then.

02:17:57.000 So I would get there at quarter to 12, sign my name up, and the guy would go three hours.

02:18:03.000 I gotta come back in three hours, Joe.

02:18:05.000 It's midnight.

02:18:07.000 So I would take the limo, go to Harlem, buy a package of Coke, maybe buy a reefer, and then I would go there and do my last spot for the night.

02:18:15.000 Look.

02:18:15.000 The old triple N. Wow, look at that place.

02:18:17.000 Look at this place.

02:18:18.000 They had an open mic there?

02:18:19.000 From 12 to 4 in the morning.

02:18:21.000 Look at that.

02:18:22.000 Wow, that's crazy.

02:18:25.000 So I go in there.

02:18:26.000 12 p.m.

02:18:27.000 to 4 a.m. 1.00

02:18:28.000 Holy shit. 0.99

02:18:29.000 This is 1993. I got nothing going on. 0.99

02:18:34.000 I'm depressed.

02:18:35.000 I'm driving a limo.

02:18:36.000 I'm snorting coke every night.

02:18:38.000 I'm living in a little cot and I go in there one night.

02:18:41.000 Who's in there, bro?

02:18:42.000 But John Leguizamo.

02:18:44.000 And he's on stage just talking.

02:18:47.000 But when I was sitting there watching him, bro, I noticed something.

02:18:50.000 That there was eight people in the audience.

02:18:52.000 But in his world, it was Madison Square Garden. 0.99

02:18:55.000 Like, he didn't give a fuck, Joe. 0.99

02:18:57.000 It's like when you do the comedy store late and there's six people. 0.99

02:19:01.000 And you get off and people are like, that was great, bro.

02:19:03.000 Sure it was great.

02:19:04.000 Because I had made believe I was at the garden.

02:19:06.000 If you think about six people at the store, you're not going to be you.

02:19:09.000 You can't think about it that way.

02:19:11.000 You know when Paul Mooney... 0.89

02:19:13.000 Paul Mooney always intimidated the shit out of me. 0.93

02:19:15.000 Me too.

02:19:16.000 Because I always knew that he was a writer for Pryor, and he was like the elder statesman of the Comedy Store back in 94 when I first started there.

02:19:23.000 I always had this feeling around him, like I was always nervous around him.

02:19:28.000 And when I first started there, I was this young white guy in my 20s.

02:19:32.000 I wasn't very good.

02:19:33.000 I didn't get any respect from him.

02:19:36.000 And then one day... 0.61

02:19:38.000 He saw me doing a late night spot, like 1 o'clock in the morning, and there was only like fucking 15, 20 people in the audience, but I was just doing my best.

02:19:47.000 I was doing it, and I heard in the back of the room, ah-ha!

02:19:52.000 Ah-ha! 0.98

02:19:54.000 He was laughing. 1.00

02:19:54.000 He was laughing at my shit. 1.00

02:19:56.000 And then I got off stage and he came up to me after the show and he goes, he goes, you are a real comic. 1.00

02:20:03.000 He goes, you did that show like it was a packed motherfucking room. 0.99

02:20:07.000 That's it! 1.00

02:20:07.000 And he goes, and you killed those people. 1.00

02:20:09.000 He goes, you killed those people. 1.00

02:20:10.000 He goes, you are a real motherfucking comic. 1.00

02:20:12.000 And he walked away. 0.99

02:20:13.000 And I remember feeling so good.

02:20:15.000 Like, I can't believe Paul Mooney just gave me a compliment.

02:20:20.000 Like, he told me I was a real comic.

02:20:22.000 Like, I was in.

02:20:22.000 And then ever since then, give me hugs every time he saw me.

02:20:26.000 And it's just like, you get that pat on the back, that thumbs up from someone who you respect.

02:20:32.000 That means the world, man.

02:20:34.000 That's gigantic.

02:20:34.000 That's so huge.

02:20:36.000 I mean, when someone does that to you, just the wind in your sails, it just can take you to a totally different place because you got the stamp.

02:20:47.000 You got a stamp of approval from someone who's real.

02:20:50.000 I'll never forget that I didn't know the power of the comedy store.

02:20:54.000 I read about it and I heard about it from you and other people.

02:20:58.000 I did Miami with Mooney.

02:21:00.000 We're at the improv.

02:21:04.000 We're at the improv.

02:21:05.000 This has to be...

02:21:07.000 Oh, baby.

02:21:09.000 2003, 2004. And I opened for him.

02:21:16.000 It's a two-man show.

02:21:17.000 It's just me and him at the Miami Improv. 0.99

02:21:20.000 And I'm on stage, and I just happen to catch a fucking energy thing where you're just killing. 0.96

02:21:27.000 Well, you used to crush there because you would do half your punchlines in Spanish. 1.00

02:21:31.000 I'm killing them. 1.00

02:21:32.000 I'm killing them. 1.00

02:21:33.000 I'm killing them. 1.00

02:21:34.000 But I'm being dirty, and I hear the door open. 1.00

02:21:37.000 And Paul Mooney, I could see him walking in, and he looks at me, and I'm killing. 0.73

02:21:42.000 Like, I'm having a good set.

02:21:43.000 He's killing me, looking at me, and he went out in the hallway, bro, and the door was open, and he kept yelling to the staff.

02:21:50.000 Look at him! 1.00

02:21:50.000 I'm like, fuck, maybe I'm being too dirty. 1.00

02:21:53.000 Maybe he's gonna complain about me. 1.00

02:21:55.000 How can Paul Mooney complain about me?

02:21:57.000 Tell me this isn't true. 0.99

02:21:59.000 I've known him from the store for five fucking years. 1.00

02:22:02.000 Tell me he's not out there going, I'm too dirty and shit. 1.00

02:22:05.000 Bro, when I got out there, he hugged me when he came up. 1.00

02:22:08.000 Keep it going one more time for my little brother.

02:22:10.000 I got off the stage and I go, what happened out here? 1.00

02:22:13.000 He goes, he was back there yelling, fuck the fucking improvs. 1.00

02:22:17.000 You know who taught him how to be like that? 1.00

02:22:19.000 That's Mitchie Shaw, motherfucker. 1.00

02:22:20.000 That's the comedy store. 1.00

02:22:21.000 He was back there yelling, that's the comedy store. 1.00

02:22:24.000 You improvs, you don't develop dick. 0.99

02:22:27.000 That's the comedy. 1.00

02:22:28.000 You listen to that?

02:22:29.000 That's the comedy store.

02:22:30.000 That's what happens when you hang out at the comedy store. 1.00

02:22:33.000 That's why that little fat motherfucker is killing up there and shit. 1.00

02:22:36.000 Because that's the fucking comedy store. 1.00

02:22:39.000 And that, you know, you're right. 1.00

02:22:41.000 That feels tremendous when fucking he's in your corner. 0.99

02:22:43.000 It feels great. 0.99

02:22:44.000 Yeah.

02:22:44.000 He was something special.

02:22:47.000 He would own the room, too.

02:22:48.000 Paul Mooney would sit down.

02:22:50.000 It didn't matter what time he went up.

02:22:52.000 It didn't matter how many people in the audience.

02:22:53.000 He would sit down.

02:22:54.000 He had a little tiny bottle of champagne. 1.00

02:22:56.000 And he would take his fucking time. 1.00

02:22:58.000 He would take his time. 1.00

02:23:01.000 I learned so much from him.

02:23:03.000 Oh, yeah.

02:23:03.000 How to control a room.

02:23:05.000 Not control a room meaning like you're a control freak, but how to get everybody to pay attention and lock into your thoughts.

02:23:14.000 He didn't try to do a song and a dance for people.

02:23:18.000 No.

02:23:19.000 Look at me, look at me, look at me.

02:23:20.000 He would just command presence with excellence.

02:23:23.000 His material was excellent.

02:23:25.000 His delivery was excellent.

02:23:27.000 He was calm and composed.

02:23:29.000 And you just always felt like you were trying too hard.

02:23:32.000 When you would watch him, you'd be like, I gotta figure out a way to do what he's doing.

02:23:36.000 You're right.

02:23:36.000 That's what he did teach.

02:23:37.000 He didn't give a fuck. 0.99

02:23:39.000 He didn't give a fuck, but he legitimately didn't give a fuck. 1.00

02:23:42.000 And boy, that guy got stole from a lot. 1.00

02:23:45.000 A lot. 1.00

02:23:48.000 Mencia used to steal all his shit, switch out the word nigger, put in the word Mexican, switch it up about Star Wars and about this and about that. 0.99

02:23:57.000 And you would see the difference, because Mooney would go on after Mencia, too. 1.00

02:24:02.000 Like, Mencia would go on before him and do his shit, and then Mooney would go on afterward. 1.00

02:24:06.000 He didn't give a fuck. 1.00

02:24:07.000 Just did his shit. 1.00

02:24:08.000 But he knew it. 1.00

02:24:09.000 He would be very frustrated by it.

02:24:11.000 You know, he was a big influence to a lot of us that got to see and watch him.

02:24:17.000 Because we all knew his history.

02:24:20.000 I mean, he was one of the head writers for arguably the greatest comedian of all time.

02:24:27.000 You know, I mean, he was one of the big guys.

02:24:29.000 Is that how you feel?

02:24:30.000 Yeah, Richard Pryor.

02:24:31.000 You don't think there's...

02:24:32.000 I feel it too, but there's a big argument.

02:24:35.000 About who?

02:24:35.000 People always want to start an argument with the other dude.

02:24:37.000 Who?

02:24:38.000 The one who had all those specials.

02:24:41.000 What's his name?

02:24:41.000 I can't think of his name.

02:24:42.000 George Carlin?

02:24:43.000 Yeah.

02:24:45.000 I give the nod to Richard Pryor.

02:24:47.000 Not just a nod.

02:24:49.000 To me, it's clear.

02:24:50.000 It's clear as day.

02:24:51.000 This is not a knock on George Carlin, who's a great comedian.

02:24:54.000 He's a great comedian.

02:24:54.000 George Carlin, to me, was more of a social spokesman.

02:24:59.000 Like, he was a social commentator.

02:25:02.000 And he was a very great comedian as well.

02:25:04.000 He had some funny material, for sure.

02:25:06.000 But George Carlin did a special every year.

02:25:09.000 Every year he did a special.

02:25:10.000 And I think, you know, his body of work is certainly larger than anybody else's.

02:25:16.000 And he's certainly one of the all-time greats.

02:25:18.000 But to me, there was something about Pryor that was just so special and unique and powerful and just resonated, man.

02:25:27.000 I'll never forget listening to his stuff when I was a little kid.

02:25:32.000 Me and my girlfriend in high school, I think I was like 16 and she was 15. And we were in my room listening to Richard Pryor on a cassette and just crying, laughing, sitting on my bed laughing and laughing.

02:25:47.000 And I'll never forget.

02:25:48.000 I'll never forget going to see him.

02:25:50.000 My parents took me to see live on the Sunset Strip when I was like 14 or 13 or something like that. 0.92

02:25:57.000 I'll never forget being in that movie theater laughing so fucking hard. 0.81

02:26:03.000 And looking around at people like rocking back and forth on their chairs. 0.92

02:26:07.000 And all I remember thinking is, I can't believe this guy's just talking.

02:26:12.000 Like, I'd seen all these amazing movies like, you know, Back to School or Stripes or, you know, name the comedy movies that you've seen all these years.

02:26:20.000 I saw all these comedy movies that were great and funny, but they were never this funny.

02:26:25.000 Like, this guy's just talking. 0.98

02:26:26.000 I'm like, this has got to be the funniest shit of all time. 0.99

02:26:29.000 And he's just talking. 0.99

02:26:30.000 And especially when...

02:26:32.000 Yes, this is 82. Okay, so I guess I was 15. So I was 14 or 15. That's when it came out, was 82?

02:26:39.000 Yeah.

02:26:39.000 So I was 15. So watching this as a teenager, it planted the seed in my head like, holy shit.

02:26:48.000 Like, how is it possible that this guy can do this? 1.00

02:26:52.000 That he can just talk?

02:26:54.000 And that talking...

02:26:56.000 And just explaining your life experiences could be so hilarious.

02:27:00.000 That's the seed that was planted in my head.

02:27:03.000 I mean, I never thought I was going to be a comedian.

02:27:05.000 I never had any aspirations.

02:27:07.000 You know my friend Dr. Steve, Steve Graham?

02:27:10.000 Yes, he just called me.

02:27:11.000 We just communicate after a year.

02:27:13.000 He's still one of my best friends to this day and will be to the day I die.

02:27:18.000 Because that guy is the guy who talked me into doing comedy.

02:27:21.000 I was training.

02:27:22.000 That's when I was competing.

02:27:23.000 And I just loved comedy as a thing.

02:27:26.000 I just loved comedy.

02:27:27.000 And I would always make fun of people and do impressions of people having sex, like our friends.

02:27:33.000 I would just try to make everybody laugh.

02:27:35.000 When we were all gathered around in the locker room, everybody would be nervous before sparring or...

02:27:40.000 Everybody would be nervous when we're on our way to fights and tournaments and stuff like that.

02:27:44.000 I would be the guy who made everybody laugh.

02:27:46.000 And he pulled me aside.

02:27:50.000 And he just said, you could be a comedian.

02:27:53.000 Like, you're really funny.

02:27:54.000 He's like, you could really do this.

02:27:55.000 And I said, I remember saying, you think I'm funny because you like me. 1.00

02:27:59.000 I go, other people are going to think I'm an asshole. 1.00

02:28:01.000 I say fucked up things. 1.00

02:28:03.000 Like, I say fucked up things because I'm around all these savages. 0.98

02:28:06.000 You know, I'm around, like, Leroy Rodriguez, and I had a friend named Major Battle. 0.97

02:28:11.000 That was his name.

02:28:12.000 His real name was Major Battle.

02:28:14.000 He was one of J. Kim's black belts. 0.99

02:28:17.000 Larry Jones all these guys were savages and they were just Fighters, you know and so I could say fucked up things around them because they were used to kicking people in the head and they were used to fighting in tournaments and Taking you know taking bus trips to go kick the shit out of people. 0.97

02:28:33.000 I mean that was what they did That's what everybody did back then so the way I felt about it was like I'm making a group of very crazy people laugh like these are like we're all misfits and You know, we were all like people that didn't fit in in a normal world because we were just fighting. 0.99

02:28:51.000 And I'm like, they'll laugh because they're crazy.

02:28:55.000 And they're punching people and kicking people and this is a different world. 0.76

02:28:59.000 I'm like, other people are not going to think I'm funny.

02:29:02.000 But he talked me into it.

02:29:03.000 And so from there, I started writing some stuff down.

02:29:05.000 I waited about six months until I turned 21. I went to an open mic.

02:29:09.000 And then after I turned 21, like maybe, what is it, 16 days later, I went on stage.

02:29:18.000 I turned 21 August 11, 1988. And then August 27th, I went on stage.

02:29:24.000 Wow.

02:29:25.000 Yeah.

02:29:27.000 But that was just 100% someone telling me to do it.

02:29:29.000 100%.

02:29:30.000 I always loved it.

02:29:31.000 I used to watch Evening at the Improv, and I would always watch stand-up on The Tonight Show.

02:29:35.000 But I just loved it the way I like music now.

02:29:38.000 I love watching music and listening to music.

02:29:40.000 I don't have any talent.

02:29:42.000 I don't have any aspirations, but I just love music.

02:29:46.000 To me, it does something to me.

02:29:48.000 It makes me feel good.

02:29:49.000 I'm a fan of it. 1.00

02:29:50.000 I'm a fan of a lot of shit that I'll never do. 0.99

02:29:53.000 But stand-up, it was just one of those things. 0.99

02:29:55.000 I just loved doing it.

02:29:57.000 And I would...

02:30:00.000 It would just be my number one source of release as far as entertainment.

02:30:05.000 It's funny that you say that about words.

02:30:08.000 Because for me, I was listening to the Beatles with my buddy.

02:30:12.000 And he had an older brother that was a junkie.

02:30:15.000 That's how I discovered Richard Pryor.

02:30:17.000 Oh, really?

02:30:18.000 And we were listening to the Beatles like, I want to hold your hand.

02:30:22.000 And we're like, this is cool. 1.00

02:30:24.000 And his brother came up and said, what the fuck are you faggots listening to me? 1.00

02:30:28.000 And we're like, we're listening to the Beatles. 1.00

02:30:29.000 You know, we're all excited. 1.00

02:30:30.000 And he's like, take that shit off. 1.00

02:30:32.000 And he took this album cover out with a black dude on it. 1.00

02:30:36.000 And all of a sudden he puts it on. 1.00

02:30:37.000 I hear this fucking laughter. 1.00

02:30:39.000 And I'm like, what the fuck is this shit? 1.00

02:30:40.000 All of a sudden, coming to the stage, you know, Richard Pryor. 1.00

02:30:43.000 And you're like...

02:30:44.000 And after that first side, I was done.

02:30:48.000 Like, once I heard the Wino Meets Dracula on Is It Something I Said, that's what I... That was my...

02:30:54.000 I don't know what album, if it's The Niggas Crazy or Wino Meets Dracula. 0.97

02:30:58.000 I don't know what album exactly...

02:31:00.000 Wino Meets Dracula.

02:31:02.000 Is It Something I Said or The Niggas Crazy? 1.00

02:31:05.000 Those are the two albums.

02:31:06.000 I don't know which one.

02:31:07.000 When I heard the last cut on it, which is The Wino Meets Dracula, I was hooked.

02:31:13.000 I left there.

02:31:14.000 I bought the album.

02:31:15.000 I brought it home.

02:31:16.000 Then I bought Bicentennial Nigger.

02:31:18.000 And there's a friend of mine, Ray Canella, who I still talk to.

02:31:21.000 He was a VP of Sci-Fi.

02:31:23.000 And he goes, do you still remember coming home to my house in the sixth grade and your mother catching this, listening to his mother?

02:31:30.000 And I wasn't allowed in their house. 1.00

02:31:32.000 He goes, don't you remember that shit? 1.00

02:31:34.000 We used to have a band. 1.00

02:31:35.000 I used to be a singer in this band in the sixth grade.

02:31:38.000 Really?

02:31:38.000 You had a band in the sixth grade?

02:31:39.000 Oh yeah.

02:31:39.000 Me, Ray Canelo, Dean LaPreet, and John Bender.

02:31:41.000 What kind of music?

02:31:42.000 The Beatles.

02:31:44.000 Wow.

02:31:44.000 The Beatles.

02:31:45.000 I want to hold your hand, help.

02:31:47.000 I need somebody help.

02:31:48.000 Wow.

02:31:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:31:50.000 That nigger's crazy. 1.00

02:31:52.000 Look at the title. 1.00

02:31:53.000 They put like an asterisk where the I is. 0.98

02:31:56.000 Like, what the fuck is wrong with people?

02:31:59.000 But meanwhile, it says it on the album. 0.98

02:32:02.000 Like, they have the picture where you see him on the album and it says N-I-G-G-E-R, but then they have the actual title for sale.

02:32:11.000 What's the website?

02:32:13.000 This was dustygroove.com.

02:32:16.000 Oh, that's an LP. You can get that in vinyl.

02:32:18.000 Oh, yeah.

02:32:19.000 Wow.

02:32:20.000 Look at that face, too.

02:32:21.000 He was young then.

02:32:22.000 Man, he was like in his 30s.

02:32:24.000 God, he was good.

02:32:25.000 See, to me, it's like I have...

02:32:27.000 This is my version of my evolutionary chart of comedy.

02:32:31.000 I think the guy who started it all off is Lenny Bruce.

02:32:34.000 Me, too.

02:32:34.000 So I have Lenny Bruce...

02:32:36.000 Posters framed on my wall.

02:32:38.000 I mean like I just feel like I don't like I don't enjoy Watching him or listening to him as much because I don't think he was as good Today because I think that the culture was so different back then that it's not it's very difficult for us to To sing like the things that he's saying are not groundbreaking today Yeah.

02:33:10.000 But I think Richard Pryor took what he did and the honesty that Lenny Bruce exhibited on stage and he brought it to the next level.

02:33:19.000 You know, he took it to a new place.

02:33:21.000 And I think that happens a lot when people are influenced by other people.

02:33:26.000 I think that's one of the things that's really important, the distinction between being influenced and stealing, you know?

02:33:32.000 I think we all influence each other.

02:33:35.000 And I know you guys influence me.

02:33:37.000 Like Ari and Duncan and you and all of us together.

02:33:42.000 You know, Tom, Bert.

02:33:44.000 We influence each other in that we inspire each other.

02:33:47.000 And that when you see someone do really good stuff, like you want to do more.

02:33:52.000 Burr does it to me.

02:33:53.000 You know, Louis.

02:33:54.000 You see someone doing really with Chappelle.

02:33:57.000 You see really good comedy.

02:33:58.000 You want to do more really good comedy.

02:34:00.000 And everyone's sort of influencing everybody.

02:34:02.000 So I think that honesty that Lenny Bruce expressed was so unique for the time that there was no one had ever done any sort of social commentary in a comedy form the way that Lenny had done.

02:34:20.000 And then Richard Pryor took it and just blew it out of the water.

02:34:23.000 I mean, Richard Pryor was raised in a brothel.

02:34:26.000 He was raised in a brothel, Joe. 0.98

02:34:28.000 He was raised in a whorehouse in Peoria, Illinois. 0.96

02:34:31.000 I mean, Richard Pryor was experiencing life in a different way.

02:34:35.000 You know, and all his experiences with drugs and craziness and wild people growing up and then...

02:34:41.000 You know, the comedy of the time shifting from the 60s into the 70s, it became this thing that he was at the forefront of.

02:34:50.000 And in my opinion, he's like the most revolutionary figure in all of comedy.

02:34:53.000 He was just so different and so unique and so polished, you know?

02:34:59.000 I remember I was a...

02:35:00.000 I was living with my roommates in like, I guess it was like 87 or something like that.

02:35:06.000 We had this place in Revere.

02:35:09.000 We were all living together.

02:35:10.000 Was it Malden?

02:35:11.000 Malden? 1.00

02:35:12.000 Where the fuck we were. 0.99

02:35:13.000 We were living in, oh no, it was Lynn. 1.00

02:35:15.000 Lynn, Massachusetts, near the beach.

02:35:17.000 And we all watched a Sam Kinison special, which was hilarious.

02:35:23.000 It was really funny.

02:35:24.000 But then we watched prior, after we watched Kinison, and we were like, what?

02:35:30.000 Like, look how much smoother Pryor is.

02:35:32.000 Like, that's what I remember thinking.

02:35:34.000 And I remember my friend Billy goes, look how much more, like, polished he is.

02:35:39.000 I'm like, that's the word, right?

02:35:40.000 It's like, polished.

02:35:41.000 He's like, yeah, he's like, smoother.

02:35:42.000 He was smoother. 0.95

02:35:44.000 He just had a different sort of style, whereas Kinnison was just, Kinnison was just kickstarting everything and just fucking knocking down the doors. 0.62

02:35:52.000 No, this guy, you didn't see him coming.

02:35:54.000 But Lenny, what's his name?

02:35:55.000 What's the first guy you like?

02:35:56.000 Lenny Bruce.

02:35:57.000 I like Lenny Bruce.

02:35:58.000 I don't think his material is outrageous, but I like this cadence.

02:36:02.000 Yeah.

02:36:02.000 Yeah, man.

02:36:03.000 Yeah, man.

02:36:05.000 So I told the guy, listen.

02:36:07.000 He's got some jokes that hold up.

02:36:08.000 Listen, chap, you know, you've got to come back in a little while.

02:36:11.000 See, because he said the word snap.

02:36:13.000 I don't know if you know the word snap.

02:36:15.000 See, snap is a great word because I love all that.

02:36:19.000 And I like how they shot his specials.

02:36:21.000 I like how they shot him. 1.00

02:36:23.000 I like that black and white shit. 1.00

02:36:26.000 Somebody just gave me, and one of the towns gave me him live from Carnegie Hall. 0.99

02:36:31.000 It's got, you know, it's an hour album.

02:36:34.000 After a while you sit there, you go, should I shoot myself?

02:36:36.000 But there's a couple pieces in there where you see it, man.

02:36:40.000 I read that book, ladies and gentlemen.

02:36:42.000 That's a book that pushed me over.

02:36:43.000 That's a great book.

02:36:44.000 The one about the hotel in New York and how he did jazz music, shooting heroin all day, hanging out with strippers.

02:36:51.000 Putting aluminum foil on the windows.

02:36:52.000 On the windows.

02:36:53.000 Yeah, I have a copy of that, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

02:36:55.000 I love all this shit. 1.00

02:36:57.000 I love all this shit. 1.00

02:36:58.000 That's what made me become a stand-up. 1.00

02:37:00.000 Give me some volume, Jamie.

02:37:02.000 Yeah, baby! 1.00

02:37:09.000 Boy, my wife sure used to look good standing up against the sink. 1.00

02:37:14.000 She's the lowest, though.

02:37:17.000 I really put her down.

02:37:19.000 No, no, I really miss her.

02:37:21.000 I don't want some sharp chick that can coat Kerouac and walk with boys. 1.00

02:37:26.000 I just want to hear my old lady say, get up and fix the sink. 1.00

02:37:31.000 It's still making noise.

02:37:34.000 All alone. 1.00

02:37:38.000 What the fuck is this? 1.00

02:37:39.000 This is comedy. 1.00

02:37:42.000 He was just doing weird shit back then. 0.99

02:37:44.000 He has a joke today that still holds up about gay people. 1.00

02:37:49.000 He goes, Dig, homosexuals, they lock him up in jail for being gay, where they put him in there with a bunch of men who want to have sex with him. 0.99

02:38:02.000 Give us some volume on this. 0.99

02:38:04.000 Will Elizabeth Taylor become bar mitzvahed? 0.99

02:38:12.000 No, I promise continuity I'll behave myself.

02:38:17.000 I'll do all the lines we rehearsed, you know.

02:38:19.000 That's the thing, you know, I have a reputation for being sort of controversial and irreverent and also the semantic bear trap of bad taste.

02:38:29.000 And actually, I do have, and I will always be accused of bad taste by the people who eat in restaurant service, you know, that kind of scene to anyone, yeah.

02:38:38.000 But you might be interested in how I became offensive.

02:38:43.000 I started in school with...

02:38:48.000 Drinking and I was really, I was like a real depressed kid, you know, seven, eight years old and I'd really get juiced and get out of my way.

02:38:57.000 And so the teacher would really get bugged, you know, with me singing and carrying on and calling Columbus a fink and boosting Aaron Burr and all that kind of stuff.

02:39:12.000 And then smoking.

02:39:13.000 I don't know if you can see it.

02:39:14.000 Can you see that from here?

02:39:15.000 I've got like a...

02:39:18.000 This tattoo here.

02:39:19.000 Let's fix it.

02:39:22.000 Can you see it?

02:39:23.000 I, uh...

02:39:25.000 See, I smoked Marlboros when I was six years old and it grew up.

02:39:32.000 Offend.

02:39:33.000 There's a funny kind of thing.

02:39:34.000 It's, uh...

02:39:35.000 There's semantics.

02:39:36.000 There are words that offend me.

02:39:39.000 Uh...

02:39:39.000 Let's see.

02:39:40.000 Governor Farbis.

02:39:41.000 Segregation offend me. 1.00

02:39:43.000 Uh...

02:39:45.000 Nighttime television offends me.

02:39:47.000 Some nighttime television.

02:39:50.000 The shows that exploit homosexuality, narcotics, and prostitution under the guise of helping the societal problem.

02:39:59.000 Except, like, for a few shows.

02:40:00.000 There's one guy on the coast who's got, like, a nutty sense of humor, you know?

02:40:04.000 His name is Paul Coates, and he found out, like, there were kids at eight and nine years old that were sniffing airplane glue.

02:40:15.000 To get high on, you know, and so I had sort of a fantasy how it happened.

02:40:22.000 The kid is alone in his room and it's Saturday.

02:40:25.000 The child is played by George McCready.

02:40:32.000 Well, let's see now.

02:40:33.000 I'm all alone in the room, and it's Saturday.

02:40:35.000 Mother's away, and what'll I do that's good and hostile?

02:40:38.000 Well, let's see.

02:40:40.000 I'll make an airplane.

02:40:41.000 That's good.

02:40:42.000 See, it's hard to, like, you know what I'm saying?

02:40:45.000 It doesn't really translate today, because we're just...

02:40:48.000 This was irreverent and crazy back then, but today, we're like, hmm.

02:40:54.000 Very interesting, though.

02:40:55.000 He was doing it.

02:40:56.000 He was doing his thing.

02:40:58.000 It's historic, right?

02:40:59.000 So you're watching this and you're hearing people laugh.

02:41:02.000 It's impossible to enjoy this without understanding the context of the time that he was doing it.

02:41:10.000 You have to put yourself in the time where all this was taking place.

02:41:14.000 Whereas I think prior stuff still translates today.

02:41:17.000 There's a lot of prior material that you'll watch today and you'll still laugh your ass off.

02:41:22.000 Stuff of him going back to Africa.

02:41:25.000 Stuff of him shooting his car because his girlfriend's trying to leave, so he shot the car.

02:41:29.000 He's got some bits that are still to this day.

02:41:34.000 He massively influenced Eddie Murphy.

02:41:37.000 Massively influenced Chris Rock, who was influenced by Eddie Murphy.

02:41:42.000 I think he's the cornerstone.

02:41:44.000 I think he's the big cornerstone of stand-up.

02:41:46.000 I'm happy you said that.

02:41:47.000 I feel the same way.

02:41:48.000 I thought that you were going to...

02:41:49.000 I like George Carlin.

02:41:51.000 I think George Collins is a great comic, sure.

02:41:53.000 But he wasn't my Richard Pryor. 0.99

02:41:54.000 Richard Pryor rang my fucking bell. 0.99

02:41:56.000 I loved him. 0.99

02:41:57.000 For me it was Pryor and then it was Kinnison after Pryor.

02:41:59.000 I think Kinnison for a couple of years was just a monster.

02:42:03.000 Monster.

02:42:03.000 That HBO special is still one of my...

02:42:05.000 The first album with the lighter, what's the name of that?

02:42:08.000 Live from Hell?

02:42:09.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:42:09.000 That's still a fucking tremendous... 0.99

02:42:12.000 And listen, Dice's first special is a fucking tank. 0.99

02:42:16.000 There's some specials that are just... 0.99

02:42:18.000 They hold up.

02:42:19.000 I used to watch...

02:42:20.000 I used to go to that fourth...

02:42:22.000 There used to be a movie rental place on 28th Street in Boulder.

02:42:26.000 It was three floors.

02:42:27.000 It was the biggest video store on the West Coast 20 years ago.

02:42:30.000 They had everything.

02:42:31.000 I rented that Rodney special from them so much.

02:42:34.000 You know what else I rented?

02:42:35.000 The best of BET for Joe Torre.

02:42:39.000 Joe Torrey!

02:42:40.000 Joe Torrey was the warm-up then.

02:42:43.000 Before...

02:42:43.000 What, when he had his own...

02:42:46.000 No, no, because in those days...

02:42:48.000 Yeah, what's-his-name was the host of the show.

02:42:51.000 Before Def Jam.

02:42:51.000 Yeah, who was the host of Def Jam?

02:42:54.000 Martin Lawrence.

02:42:55.000 Martin Lawrence did it for a while.

02:42:57.000 Joe Torre did it.

02:42:58.000 But they used to have...

02:42:59.000 Joe Torre was jacked back then.

02:43:00.000 Remember that?

02:43:01.000 Jacked.

02:43:01.000 He would do sleeveless shirts.

02:43:03.000 He'd have giant ass fucking arms. 1.00

02:43:05.000 Jacked. 1.00

02:43:05.000 He was in that mood with Janet Jackson. 1.00

02:43:07.000 Yes!

02:43:08.000 With Tupac. 1.00

02:43:09.000 With Tupac and fucking Janet Jackson's Mexican boyfriend. 0.99

02:43:15.000 See if you can get some pictures or video of Joe Torre hosting... 0.99

02:43:20.000 Def Jam.

02:43:21.000 He would wear sleeveless shirts.

02:43:24.000 Nobody ever dressed like that.

02:43:25.000 And he was funny.

02:43:26.000 He was funny, bro.

02:43:27.000 I like that woman. 1.00

02:43:28.000 Where's that guy been?

02:43:29.000 I just flew with him a couple weeks ago.

02:43:31.000 Where was he?

02:43:32.000 He still lives here.

02:43:33.000 He has his house in St. Louis.

02:43:35.000 He's got a house here.

02:43:36.000 He's raising his kid.

02:43:37.000 Guy Torrey started that Fat Tuesdays, right?

02:43:40.000 That was the thing that he did at the Comedy Store. 0.99

02:43:42.000 Fucking great guys. 0.99

02:43:43.000 Guy Torrey's fucking amazing. 1.00

02:43:44.000 There's Joe. 0.98

02:43:46.000 See if you can find a picture of him on Def Jam.

02:43:52.000 Doesn't show anything?

02:43:53.000 Dude, he was jacked. 0.52

02:43:56.000 Like unusually jacked for a comedian. 1.00

02:43:58.000 Doesn't show him on stage with sleeveless shirts and shit? 1.00

02:44:02.000 That's Warren Lawrence. 0.99

02:44:04.000 Look at Martin Lawrence.

02:44:06.000 Man, that guy was my nemesis.

02:44:08.000 Not in a bad sense, but in that I would have to go on after him all the time.

02:44:12.000 Really?

02:44:12.000 Oh my god.

02:44:14.000 Mitzi Shore put me on after him 50 fucking times. 1.00

02:44:19.000 Those were some of the 50 hardest sets I ever had doing stand-up in the early days. 1.00

02:44:24.000 I would just fucking bomb him. 0.99

02:44:28.000 Just like the Hindenburg. 1.00

02:44:31.000 Just go down in flames. 0.92

02:44:33.000 It's okay, Jim. 0.96

02:44:34.000 I never really saw him at the store that much.

02:44:36.000 Oh, man, he was so good.

02:44:37.000 I caught him.

02:44:38.000 It was before your time.

02:44:40.000 This was like when I first started.

02:44:41.000 So I was at the store when I first got passed in 94. So this was like around 94, 95, before you came along.

02:44:48.000 And he was on fire.

02:44:50.000 Martin Lawrence was on fire. 0.99

02:44:53.000 People forgot how goddamn good he is. 0.98

02:44:55.000 Because he went crazy, and he had all those issues, and he was wearing a rubber suit, and he had a gun, and he got pulled over, and he said he was dehydrated, and he was on some sort of drugs, and they locked him up in a psych ward. 0.99

02:45:05.000 There was a lot of nutty shit with him, right? 0.99

02:45:07.000 So people forgot how goddamn good he was when he was in his prime. 1.00

02:45:10.000 But when he was in his prime, yeah, there he is, and bad boys. 0.97

02:45:14.000 But that's not the prime.

02:45:16.000 The stand-up, though, was what was up. 0.99

02:45:19.000 When I saw him at the comedy store, and he would wear fucking leather jumpsuits and shit and just rip that place apart. 1.00

02:45:26.000 He was on fire! 1.00

02:45:29.000 And he was another one that had a bunch of jokes that people had decided were offensive.

02:45:34.000 It's when MTV was getting upset at...

02:45:38.000 Dice Clay.

02:45:39.000 Remember when they banned Dice Clay for offensive material?

02:45:42.000 I believe he got caught up in a controversy about offensive material, too.

02:45:46.000 It's like the early days of political correctness.

02:45:48.000 They decided to get pissed at certain jokes.

02:45:52.000 You know what I was thinking about, bro, the other day?

02:45:54.000 I was driving, and I was thinking about news radio. 0.99

02:45:57.000 You're so crazy. 1.00

02:45:58.000 You motherfucking hired, not Horshack, Epstein. 1.00

02:46:04.000 Epstein to play your brother, Nick DiPaolo. 0.99

02:46:06.000 Epstein, Nick DiPaolo, and Brian Callen.

02:46:09.000 Oh, my God.

02:46:10.000 Where did you pull up Epstein from?

02:46:12.000 Well, they hired Epstein, but Nick DiPaolo and Brian Callen, I brought in.

02:46:16.000 Okay, I thought that you hired Epstein, too.

02:46:18.000 Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no.

02:46:20.000 No, I didn't meet him until he was on the set.

02:46:23.000 He was a real nice guy, though.

02:46:25.000 Did he pass away?

02:46:27.000 I don't think so.

02:46:28.000 Yeah, yeah, check it.

02:46:30.000 I feel like you did. 0.99

02:46:31.000 You know who's really fucking sick, bro? 1.00

02:46:33.000 Your buddy. 0.99

02:46:35.000 The one guy you introduced me to from that baseball show you were on.

02:46:40.000 The Spanish guy that was on there with you, nice guy.

02:46:43.000 Spanish guy.

02:46:44.000 Yeah, you were on a baseball show.

02:46:45.000 Yeah, well, I'm thinking Louis Lombardi.

02:46:48.000 Louis Lombardi.

02:46:48.000 Mike Starr.

02:46:49.000 Mike Starr.

02:46:50.000 Who, uh...

02:46:51.000 The Spanish guy that came to visit you at the store a few times.

02:46:54.000 He's sick?

02:46:55.000 Yeah.

02:46:56.000 I just donated to his, uh...

02:46:59.000 Go find me or something.

02:47:01.000 There's a dude from Star Trek.

02:47:02.000 Remember that dude that's in Star Trek all the time? 0.99

02:47:07.000 Fucking... 0.99

02:47:08.000 What is his name? 1.00

02:47:09.000 God damn it. 1.00

02:47:11.000 But he was the older pitcher and I was the young asshole ball player. 1.00

02:47:16.000 Was that Betty White? 0.99

02:47:18.000 Yeah, she was in...

02:47:19.000 Not Betty... 1.00

02:47:20.000 Was it Betty White?

02:47:20.000 No.

02:47:21.000 The other lady from... 1.00

02:47:22.000 What's the cast?

02:47:25.000 Some... 0.98

02:47:26.000 God damn it. 0.99

02:47:27.000 I don't remember her name. 0.99

02:47:28.000 See if you can find the cast.

02:47:33.000 Yeah, but you don't want images.

02:47:35.000 You want actual text.

02:47:38.000 Don't go to images.

02:47:39.000 Sometimes it pops up.

02:47:42.000 Well, see, yeah, Ben...

02:47:44.000 Rosemarie.

02:47:45.000 Yeah, Rosemarie.

02:47:46.000 Ben Greenwood, Mike Starr.

02:47:49.000 Keep going, scrolling left.

02:47:52.000 Yeah, Ben Greenwood.

02:47:53.000 He's in a bunch of movies now.

02:47:55.000 Dan Florek.

02:47:56.000 He was in...

02:47:57.000 Law and Order.

02:47:58.000 Law and Order.

02:47:59.000 But go the other way.

02:48:00.000 That dude...

02:48:00.000 And Allie Wentworth.

02:48:01.000 She was hilarious. 1.00

02:48:02.000 She's been in a bunch of shit. 1.00

02:48:03.000 Chris Browning. 1.00

02:48:04.000 He was on...

02:48:05.000 He's been in a bunch of things.

02:48:06.000 ...Suns Anarchy recently.

02:48:08.000 Was he? 0.99

02:48:09.000 Mike fucking Star. 0.95

02:48:11.000 It's weird, man. 0.99

02:48:11.000 What year was that? 0.99

02:48:12.000 What year does it say it was?

02:48:14.000 94. 94. Jesus!

02:48:17.000 That's when I had to move to California.

02:48:19.000 I was miserable.

02:48:23.000 How was shooting this the first couple weeks?

02:48:25.000 Look at me.

02:48:26.000 I was like 26 there.

02:48:28.000 That's so weird.

02:48:29.000 You know what, man?

02:48:31.000 When it first started out, it was fun.

02:48:34.000 And then what happened was...

02:48:37.000 With TV shows, a lot of times you have these really funny writers.

02:48:40.000 And these guys who wrote it originally were really good.

02:48:44.000 But they had written for Married with Children and The Simpsons.

02:48:50.000 And the network had decided for some reason that they weren't strong enough to run the show.

02:48:55.000 They were only writers.

02:48:57.000 They weren't like a real showrunner.

02:48:59.000 So they brought in this guy who was a showrunner.

02:49:01.000 He was terrible.

02:49:02.000 And I didn't get along with him at all.

02:49:04.000 And they were actually close to firing me.

02:49:07.000 Or him.

02:49:08.000 There was a real impasse between the two of us. 1.00

02:49:11.000 Because the guy's writing was dog shit. 1.00

02:49:13.000 I was crazy back then, dude. 1.00

02:49:15.000 I didn't give a fuck. 0.99

02:49:16.000 I had zero filter. 0.98

02:49:17.000 I never thought I was going to be an actor in the first place.

02:49:19.000 I couldn't believe him on the set.

02:49:21.000 And so they would try to get me to do stuff.

02:49:22.000 And I'd be like, what?

02:49:24.000 And they would, like, give me the script, like, oh, we made revisions to the script, and I would read it. 0.98

02:49:28.000 I'd go, is this fucking terrible? 0.96

02:49:29.000 And they would get pissed at me, and people would be pissed. 0.99

02:49:31.000 I'd go, tell me how this is funny.

02:49:33.000 Explain to me how this is funny.

02:49:34.000 And then, you know, like, executives are going, you know, they were talking to my agent, this guy, you know, he's very arrogant, and, you know, he's causing problems on the set.

02:49:44.000 I'm like, I'm not causing problems on the set. 0.99

02:49:45.000 I go, they took the writer stuff, they rewrote it, and they turned it into dog shit. 0.99

02:49:49.000 Show me how it's not. 0.99

02:49:51.000 And I was like, Very close to killing my sitcom career completely, just by having no filter.

02:50:00.000 Then they realized it, they read it, and then they came and watched some of the run-throughs, and the network fired him.

02:50:05.000 But it was close.

02:50:06.000 He wanted me out.

02:50:07.000 But I was one of the stars of the show.

02:50:09.000 It was me and that Ben Greenwood guy.

02:50:13.000 It was an ensemble show, but I played the star player. 0.99

02:50:18.000 It was about a baseball team, a fucked up baseball team. 0.98

02:50:21.000 And I was the guy who was always causing trouble and wrecking his car and going crazy. 0.98

02:50:26.000 And so they were having a real problem with me.

02:50:29.000 But it was because these guys that originally wrote it, these guys were genius.

02:50:35.000 They were really, really funny. 0.96

02:50:37.000 And they took their words and just butchered it and turned into some hackneyed fucked-up sitcom. 0.97

02:50:43.000 Which is what they usually do. 0.97

02:50:44.000 Well, Jim Brewer was in the pilot with me.

02:50:46.000 Jim Brewer, that was me.

02:50:49.000 I looked like a baby!

02:50:51.000 So weird.

02:50:53.000 So Jim Brewer was in the pilot with me.

02:50:55.000 He played the mascot for the team. 1.00

02:50:58.000 Fuck, he was funny, man. 1.00

02:50:59.000 And Jim and I were buddies from New York. 1.00

02:51:02.000 There's Jim.

02:51:03.000 That's Jim Brewer.

02:51:05.000 No, Jim Brewer played a pioneer who...

02:51:08.000 I feel like he got in a fight.

02:51:14.000 Jeff Curran and Kevin Martin.

02:51:17.000 Back that up right there, where you see the lines of the screen?

02:51:20.000 Yeah.

02:51:21.000 Where you see the words, like right there.

02:51:23.000 Kevin Curran, rather, and Jeff Martin.

02:51:25.000 Sorry, I fucked their names up.

02:51:26.000 Kevin Curran and Jeff Martin were the guys who wrote it.

02:51:31.000 And they were really, really nice guys and really funny guys.

02:51:34.000 But they were writers.

02:51:35.000 You know, and this was something that they'd created.

02:51:38.000 And then the network just butchered it.

02:51:40.000 And then it wound up getting cancelled. 0.97

02:51:43.000 Then I was ready to move back to New York, but I fucked up and I'd already got a lease on an apartment.

02:51:47.000 I got an apartment on Moorpark in Studio City, or it was actually North Hollywood. 0.99

02:51:51.000 And I was like, fuck, I already got this apartment. 0.96

02:51:53.000 Like, what do I do? 0.99

02:51:55.000 And so I'm like, God, I gotta stay here because I got a lease. 0.99

02:51:58.000 And I was like, shit, I want to move back to New York. 0.98

02:51:59.000 I hated it out here. 1.00

02:52:01.000 I hated dealing with actors.

02:52:02.000 I've never been around actors.

02:52:04.000 And that thing that we were talking about before where people just like say things that they don't really mean because they think that you're supposed to say those things because there's like a pattern of behavior that you're supposed to.

02:52:14.000 Me too!

02:52:14.000 Yeah.

02:52:14.000 Oh, I thought he was amazing in that film.

02:52:16.000 I thought he was excellent.

02:52:17.000 I thought he had a lot to offer.

02:52:19.000 I mean, there was a lot of that kind of nonsense out here where I was used to real people.

02:52:24.000 I mean, for sure, I was a flawed person.

02:52:28.000 I mean, for sure, I was rough, and I didn't have good decorum like the way I communicated.

02:52:36.000 I was a rough guy.

02:52:37.000 You know, I'd come from fighting and then went right into stand-up, and this was only a few years later, I'm doing this.

02:52:43.000 You know, I had my last fight in 89. So this is 94. I mean, this is just a few years after that.

02:52:50.000 I was still very sketchy.

02:52:53.000 You know, so I didn't belong.

02:52:54.000 I felt like I didn't belong there.

02:52:55.000 I felt like I couldn't be myself.

02:52:57.000 Everybody was like reading The Hollywood Reporter and Variety on set. 1.00

02:52:59.000 I'm like, what the fuck are you guys reading this shit for? 1.00

02:53:02.000 Like, it's like this... 1.00

02:53:03.000 It was just...

02:53:04.000 The whole thing to me was like this weird play that people were putting on.

02:53:08.000 Where everybody was trying to pretend to be something so that they can get auditions.

02:53:12.000 And I remember going on some auditions and dealing with some of those people.

02:53:21.000 We're good to go.

02:53:24.000 We're good to go.

02:53:37.000 It was just, it was gross. 0.99

02:53:39.000 It still is fucking gross. 0.99

02:53:41.000 Oh, it's gross. 0.99

02:53:41.000 I mean, this is the thing that people have, the real problem that people have with this Harvey Weinstein situation. 0.99

02:53:47.000 It's not just that the fact that he was a piece of shit to all these women. 1.00

02:53:52.000 It's his position of power that he had over them, that he exerted. 1.00

02:53:56.000 He got himself into this position, and then used that position to, on some, I mean...

02:54:01.000 According to Whitney, like Whitney Cummings was talking to me about this, she's like, what you're hearing is all the women that said no to him. 0.99

02:54:08.000 She's like, that guy fucked a lot of them. 0.98

02:54:11.000 And it was part of the deals that he gave them. 1.00

02:54:14.000 They even went after one of the girls he was fucking. 0.99

02:54:16.000 That girl from Donnie Brasco. 0.98

02:54:19.000 She did the movie with Gretchen Maul.

02:54:22.000 Yeah?

02:54:23.000 She did Rounders. 0.99

02:54:24.000 Oh, I remember her.

02:54:25.000 The blonde cute thing. 1.00

02:54:26.000 Now, if you watch Donnie Brasco, she's in Donnie Brasco. 0.99

02:54:30.000 She ain't got a fucking line in that movie. 1.00

02:54:32.000 Not a line. 0.99

02:54:33.000 Really?

02:54:34.000 She's an extra in that movie. 0.99

02:54:35.000 She's Sonny Black's girlfriend. 0.98

02:54:38.000 But when you see her in fucking whatever, she's got a bunch of lines now. 1.00

02:54:41.000 And it was because she was... 1.00

02:54:42.000 Fucking Howie. 0.99

02:54:43.000 They just went after her a couple weeks ago. 1.00

02:54:45.000 Gretchen Margot.

02:54:46.000 Who went after her? 0.85

02:54:47.000 Just, you know, Angelina Jolie and the troops. 0.85

02:54:49.000 Oh, they're all saying that this is the reason. 0.96

02:54:51.000 The non-dick suckers. 1.00

02:54:52.000 Listen, they all got a sucker dick eventually. 1.00

02:54:55.000 Yeah, she's pretty. 1.00

02:54:56.000 Look, I had heard that there was a lot of them that were actually very successful that fucked them. 0.99

02:55:01.000 I mean, this was this guy's thing. 0.95

02:55:03.000 It's kind of, I mean, it's fucked up and it's dark, but once that gets going, and once that's what he does, how do you stop that train, other than what they did? 0.91

02:55:14.000 They all knew. 0.97

02:55:15.000 And nobody opened their fucking mouth, so you could suck my dick. 1.00

02:55:18.000 A couple of them opened their mouth. 1.00

02:55:20.000 A couple of them didn't.

02:55:20.000 They got swept under the carpet, and that's always going to happen.

02:55:23.000 But I'd rather fucking, you know, the rest of these, like Angeline, the rest of these people... 1.00

02:55:28.000 Listen, I'm over it, brother. 1.00

02:55:30.000 I don't want to hear this shit no more. 1.00

02:55:31.000 It's amazing. 1.00

02:55:33.000 Like, just the bullshit that these people create in their worlds. 1.00

02:55:37.000 And you're right. 1.00

02:55:37.000 When you go to these casting things and you see these things, you see the fucking bullshit. 1.00

02:55:42.000 It pours out of them, man. 1.00

02:55:44.000 Well, it's one of the reasons why people in this town are so crazy.

02:55:48.000 It's because they're insecure to begin with, right?

02:55:50.000 The only reason why anybody becomes an actor, like why people want to be famous, not the only reason, but one of the main reasons why people want to be famous is because at some point in their life they didn't feel valuable.

02:56:02.000 At some point in their life they felt discarded, they felt abused, they felt ignored, and they had this Inescapable need for attention.

02:56:12.000 This hole that cannot be filled.

02:56:15.000 And that was the driving force that led them into acting, where they could be on that stage and everyone was looking at them, all eyes on them, while the microphone was on and the words were coming out of their mouth and they were in the play or in the movie or doing stand-up even.

02:56:31.000 It's a lot of the same stuff that propelled you and I. Being ignored as a child.

02:56:37.000 Feeling like you were nothing.

02:56:39.000 And then realizing that when you're on stage, man, then you're something.

02:56:43.000 Like that person up there with a spotlight on them.

02:56:45.000 That person's shining.

02:56:46.000 That's a something person.

02:56:48.000 I feel like a zero. 0.92

02:56:50.000 But that thing that leads you to become an actor, or want to become famous, It's so fucked up with acting because you have to get chosen. 0.94

02:57:04.000 It's not like music or stand-up.

02:57:08.000 In stand-up, all you have to do is you do open mic nights, you get funny, you build up an act, and then people come to see you, you build up a career, and the next thing you know, you become a successful comedian.

02:57:18.000 That's what happened to you, that's what happened to me.

02:57:20.000 But with acting, you have to get chosen.

02:57:22.000 You don't have to work. 0.97

02:57:24.000 Like if you do plays, nobody is ever gonna fucking see you ever. 0.95

02:57:27.000 You're never gonna make it out of plays. 0.96

02:57:29.000 Nobody's going to see famous play actors. 0.94

02:57:31.000 Nobody gives a shit about them. 0.96

02:57:33.000 You have to be in movies. 0.99

02:57:34.000 You have to be in television.

02:57:35.000 So you have to get chosen.

02:57:36.000 So you have this whole chain of like, hmm, maybe I'll pick you, but I'm not sure.

02:57:42.000 Are you the one?

02:57:43.000 And so you have to develop this sort of personality that fits in with what they're looking for.

02:57:48.000 You have to mold your sensibilities and your ideas.

02:57:52.000 There's a lot of people that are in Hollywood that don't have opinions of their own.

02:57:57.000 What they have is a series of opinions that they've adopted and adapted because they think it's going to lead them to be successful.

02:58:05.000 And they heard it.

02:58:06.000 You know how many times I go to an audition, I hear this.

02:58:09.000 A lot of people don't like to audition. 1.00

02:58:12.000 I like to audition, and I'll tell you why, because I fuck with them. 1.00

02:58:16.000 Because you're funny. 1.00

02:58:17.000 You know, I've ripped my pants out.

02:58:18.000 You know, if you watch, what's that show on CBS that's been on forever?

02:58:25.000 I don't know.

02:58:26.000 Which one?

02:58:26.000 Monday nights?

02:58:27.000 The Big Bang Theory?

02:58:28.000 The one before that.

02:58:29.000 How I Met Your Mother.

02:58:30.000 You know how I met your mother?

02:58:32.000 I didn't even know you did it.

02:58:33.000 Yeah, if you watch the episode, you're like, Joey, you're an extra.

02:58:36.000 I'm an extra.

02:58:37.000 You know why?

02:58:38.000 Because I went into the audition, I had no underwear on.

02:58:41.000 And there was, you see these things that pop out of chairs?

02:58:44.000 Yeah.

02:58:45.000 The side things, the armrests.

02:58:47.000 Right.

02:58:47.000 And she goes, get up to read.

02:58:48.000 When I got up to read from the scene, the fucking thing got caught in the hole in my pants and my dick came out. 1.00

02:58:54.000 All three women sat there and I go, did you see the egg roll? 1.00

02:58:57.000 And then I lost them for sure.

02:58:59.000 They even told me.

02:59:00.000 They go, you got the job.

02:59:02.000 As I was walking down the street on Fox, my phone rang.

02:59:05.000 My agent goes, go back.

02:59:06.000 You didn't even read.

02:59:08.000 I didn't even read and they called my agent and said, we love this guy.

02:59:12.000 I went back and didn't even read.

02:59:15.000 They saw the Cuban egg roll, you know. 0.99

02:59:17.000 Well, they were probably not used to someone with confidence that didn't give a fuck. 0.99

02:59:20.000 You know, I went to an audition one time, bro, where the guy had... 0.99

02:59:24.000 I'll never forget this. 0.99

02:59:25.000 The guy was a white trash guy. 1.00

02:59:27.000 Like, this family moved in. 1.00

02:59:29.000 It was a pilot for ABC. And this guy is one of those guys that...

02:59:34.000 He had a little circular pool in front of his house. 0.98

02:59:37.000 And he was watering shit, but at the same time he had like a thong on. 1.00

02:59:42.000 And he's fat. 1.00

02:59:43.000 And he's got jewelry on like one of those guys in like Long Island. 0.51

02:59:46.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:59:48.000 So I never forget.

02:59:49.000 I get to the audition.

02:59:49.000 All these guys are there.

02:59:50.000 Tony Longo got arrested.

02:59:52.000 Saw all these big Italian dudes.

02:59:54.000 And I knew they were going to get the part, bro.

02:59:56.000 I'm like, they're going to get the part.

02:59:57.000 I'm not going to get it.

02:59:58.000 But I had warm-ups on.

03:00:00.000 All right, I had warm-ups on with the string, and I had white, tighty-whities, and I had a zip-up jacket, and I had to weigh 380. So I walked in, I go, I know what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna take my pants off.

03:00:14.000 Right? 0.99

03:00:14.000 I'm taking my fucking sweats off. 0.99

03:00:16.000 Dog, I walk in and what do you think these two ladies say to me? 1.00

03:00:20.000 Hold on one second.

03:00:21.000 We'll be with you in a minute.

03:00:22.000 So they turn around. 1.00

03:00:24.000 That's my cue, bitch. 1.00

03:00:26.000 I took those sweatpants off. 0.99

03:00:28.000 I took the shoes off and my socks and I walked closer and I took my shirt off.

03:00:33.000 When they turned back around, all I had was boxer shorts on, like the tighty-whities.

03:00:39.000 That's it. 0.97

03:00:39.000 Tits hanging out. 0.97

03:00:41.000 Stomach hanging over the underwear. 0.97

03:00:43.000 And as soon as they turned around, they were like, oh my god.

03:00:47.000 They're like, that is terrible.

03:00:48.000 Put your shirt back on. 0.99

03:00:50.000 I'm like, I'm not putting on shit, alright? 1.00

03:00:51.000 I'm reading this motherfucker how it is. 0.99

03:00:54.000 So you were supposed to like wave and say, good morning. 0.99

03:00:57.000 And they're like, action.

03:00:59.000 And they're like, can't even look at me because I'm completely naked.

03:01:02.000 And they can't even look at me.

03:01:04.000 And I'm making believe I'm flipping burgers.

03:01:06.000 And I look over at them and I go, living like a doctor.

03:01:11.000 That's it.

03:01:11.000 They booked me.

03:01:12.000 When I got to the audition, that was the read.

03:01:15.000 Living like a doctor.

03:01:16.000 They even gave me my own line.

03:01:18.000 Half of those auditions I went into, they gave me whatever line I said in the audition.

03:01:23.000 Like, whatever they said wasn't good enough. 0.99

03:01:24.000 Like, I go in there with my own fucking line. 0.99

03:01:28.000 Yeah, that's probably why you got it. 0.99

03:01:32.000 Look, look, look at Joey.

03:01:33.000 He's just sitting there like a muc de l'or.

03:01:35.000 That's when you were in those big daddy shirts all the time.

03:01:37.000 Yeah, look how big I was.

03:01:38.000 Jesus Christ, you were enormous back then.

03:01:40.000 That must have been like, what, 2000 then, right?

03:01:42.000 Yeah, this is 2000, 2002, 2003. I remember when I met you, like right after I met you, I brought you onto the set of news radio.

03:01:50.000 And they were all like, um, who is this guy?

03:01:54.000 With the leather jacket on.

03:01:55.000 Is this guy your friend?

03:01:56.000 Like, that's Joey.

03:02:02.000 By the way, that's... 1.00

03:02:04.000 Ari comes out of your butt. 1.00

03:02:05.000 By the way, every time you call me, that's what comes up. 1.00

03:02:08.000 Like, call me right now.

03:02:09.000 Call me.

03:02:13.000 Watch this.

03:02:15.000 Hilarious.

03:02:19.000 That's us in the pool in Austin, Texas, when we were doing Cap City.

03:02:24.000 You, me, and Ari were doing Cap City.

03:02:28.000 Oh, Tate was there.

03:02:29.000 Oh, yeah.

03:02:30.000 That was the old days.

03:02:32.000 Do you know how to call people on the phone?

03:02:34.000 Please.

03:02:36.000 This is why I gotta get a new phone.

03:02:39.000 Hilarious.

03:02:41.000 This is why I gotta get a new phone, because this is what happens.

03:02:48.000 Let's get out of here, Joey.

03:02:50.000 It's 2.15.

03:02:50.000 I don't want you to get stuck in traffic.

03:02:52.000 No, I'm good.

03:02:53.000 I love you guys.

03:02:53.000 Where are you at tonight?

03:02:54.000 At the store?

03:02:55.000 No. 1.00

03:02:56.000 I got a fucking ballet thing. 1.00

03:03:00.000 I got a dinner, and I got a trick-or-trunk. 0.99

03:03:03.000 What are you doing November 1st?

03:03:08.000 What is November 1st?

03:03:09.000 Wednesday.

03:03:10.000 Next Wednesday, November 1st.

03:03:11.000 You want to do the Ice House?

03:03:12.000 No, I'm doing it Wednesday night.

03:03:14.000 You're doing what?

03:03:15.000 Podcasts.

03:03:16.000 Oh, you do podcasts at night? 1.00

03:03:18.000 Move that shit. 1.00

03:03:19.000 Can't do them in the daytime. 1.00

03:03:21.000 Really?

03:03:21.000 I always end up canceling and people cancel on me.

03:03:24.000 Do a podcast on Tuesday or some shit. 0.94

03:03:27.000 This week I have to do Sunday and Wednesday. 0.97

03:03:29.000 Oh, you have to?

03:03:30.000 Yeah, I'm leaving Thursday.

03:03:31.000 How about Sunday and Tuesday?

03:03:35.000 What do you mean?

03:03:35.000 And do the Ice House on Wednesday.

03:03:37.000 We need to do some shows together.

03:03:38.000 No, because I scheduled this guy for it.

03:03:40.000 He's going to do Wednesday.

03:03:42.000 Who are you doing?

03:03:44.000 Wheeler! 0.88

03:03:45.000 Wheeler Walker?

03:03:46.000 Yeah, he's back.

03:03:47.000 He can move around.

03:03:47.000 Yeah, yeah.

03:03:48.000 He's doing some type of tour or something.

03:03:50.000 Oh, yeah, he is.

03:03:51.000 He's killing it out there. 0.99

03:03:52.000 And then the following week, I'm only in town Monday and Tuesday because I got to leave to New York on Wednesday for the fucking festival. 0.99

03:03:59.000 So I get back from Omaha Sunday. 0.95

03:04:01.000 I'm just doing one podcast Monday.

03:04:03.000 Bam, bam, bam.

03:04:04.000 Bam, bam.

03:04:05.000 I love you. 1.00

03:04:05.000 Don't forget, Omaha, Nebraska next week, bitches. 1.00

03:04:09.000 And the week after that, Gotham Comedy Club with Dean Del Rizzi, Ron White, a bunch of us at the New York Comedy Festival. 0.99

03:04:17.000 Come on out, bitches. 1.00

03:04:18.000 Thank you for having me on. 1.00

03:04:19.000 Anytime, my brother.

03:04:20.000 Pleasure seeing you.

03:04:20.000 Where's the pizza roll here?

03:04:22.000 Let's get out of here.

03:04:23.000 I gotta piss real quick.

03:04:25.000 Right out the door.

03:04:25.000 I'm about to bust.

03:04:26.000 See ya.

03:04:27.000 Bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - October 27, 2017

Joe Rogan Experience #1030 - Joey Diaz

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Summary

Transcript