The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1040 - Brian Regan

00:00:07.000 Ladies and gentlemen, coming at you live from sunny California, it's Brian Regan!

00:00:13.000 Joe!

00:00:14.000 How are you, brother?

00:00:15.000 Great, man.

00:00:15.000 How are you?

00:00:16.000 Long time, man.

00:00:17.000 I haven't seen you in, like, what, a year and a half or something?

00:00:19.000 Something like that.

00:00:20.000 I see you've got a new place here, and congratulations.

00:00:23.000 Thank you, sir.

00:00:24.000 Very nice.

00:00:25.000 Thank you.

00:00:26.000 It's huge.

00:00:27.000 It's a big spot.

00:00:28.000 Got big plans.

00:00:29.000 Big plans.

00:00:30.000 Apparently.

00:00:31.000 We want to have a lot of fun here.

00:00:32.000 Yeah.

00:00:32.000 Make it a big old fun house.

00:00:34.000 Yeah, that's what they were saying.

00:00:35.000 You're putting games in and...

00:00:37.000 All kinds of crazy stuff.

00:00:38.000 Virtual hunting.

00:00:40.000 It's an archery game.

00:00:41.000 Uh-huh.

00:00:42.000 Yeah, you use an actual compound bow.

00:00:44.000 It's called Techno Hunt.

00:00:46.000 And you ever see those...

00:00:47.000 Do you play golf?

00:00:48.000 Yes.

00:00:48.000 You do.

00:00:49.000 You know those games where you whack the golf ball into the screen and a virtual golf ball rolls around?

00:00:54.000 Yes.

00:00:54.000 They have one of those for archery.

00:00:56.000 You actually use a regular compound bow and you shoot it at the screen and when...

00:01:02.000 The tips, instead of using a regular arrow tip, you use this flat tip.

00:01:08.000 It's like the head of a tack.

00:01:10.000 And here it is.

00:01:11.000 Powerful Jamie.

00:01:13.000 And so you shoot it at the screen, and it shows you these animals that you'd be hunting.

00:01:19.000 And you use an actual bow, and where it hits, it shows you whether or not it's a good impact.

00:01:26.000 Like that right there was perfect.

00:01:28.000 Wow.

00:01:28.000 Yeah, it shows the arrow impact.

00:01:30.000 It shows how fast the arrow's going.

00:01:33.000 So you're getting that put in here?

00:01:35.000 That's going to be put in here, too.

00:01:36.000 Very nice.

00:01:37.000 Not in this room.

00:01:38.000 Out there.

00:01:39.000 In the whole major complex. 1.00

00:01:40.000 Yeah, we're going to do a bunch of shit here. 0.98

00:01:43.000 There's so much opportunity now on the internet to do things, to do content. 0.99

00:01:50.000 I'm going to do a weekly MMA show.

00:01:52.000 Now that people know, I've decided that.

00:01:54.000 It's my new thing.

00:01:55.000 Weekly.

00:01:55.000 Weekly MMA breakdown.

00:01:57.000 Every week.

00:01:58.000 How big is your resume?

00:02:02.000 How many things?

00:02:04.000 You've got so many things.

00:02:05.000 I'm not adding any things.

00:02:08.000 I'm just doing stuff.

00:02:09.000 Yeah, but I've told people, and this is going to sound like I'm...

00:02:13.000 You have been successful at so many different things, it's quite amazing.

00:02:20.000 I mean, you have the stand-up career, successful stand-up career.

00:02:24.000 You were on a sitcom, a hit sitcom, right?

00:02:27.000 You did Fear Factor, hit show, right?

00:02:32.000 And then you do the, what is it, WW? What's the wrestling?

00:02:36.000 I don't know anything about wrestling.

00:02:38.000 UFC! Ultimate Fighting Championship.

00:02:40.000 You do that?

00:02:41.000 You've got this podcast?

00:02:42.000 Yeah.

00:02:43.000 I'm crazy.

00:02:44.000 That's pretty impressive.

00:02:47.000 It's not.

00:02:47.000 I have mental problems and I've figured out how to boil them down into a healthy mixture of activities that keeps me friendly and sane and kind and generous.

00:02:56.000 That's what I do.

00:02:57.000 Good for you.

00:02:58.000 Just keep moving.

00:02:59.000 Just gotta keep moving.

00:03:00.000 Gotta keep moving.

00:03:01.000 Keep my caveman brain engaged.

00:03:04.000 Well, congratulations on everything.

00:03:07.000 What's going on with you, man?

00:03:08.000 You still living in Vegas?

00:03:09.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

00:03:09.000 You fucking madman. 1.00

00:03:10.000 You're like the nicest guy ever to live in Vegas. 1.00

00:03:13.000 Everybody in Vegas is like, gotta gamble. 0.94

00:03:16.000 I'm fucking going crazy. 0.99

00:03:17.000 I need a Ferrari. 0.99

00:03:18.000 I want a bigger yacht.

00:03:21.000 No.

00:03:22.000 My kids are in Vegas.

00:03:24.000 I like living in Vegas, but I don't really do the Vegas thing the way other people think.

00:03:29.000 Well, that's a big misconception, right?

00:03:30.000 A lot of people believe that if you live in Vegas, you've got to be a nutty gambler, a crazy person, going to the clubs.

00:03:37.000 Yeah. 0.79

00:03:37.000 I have white tigers at home. 0.79

00:03:39.000 Exactly!

00:03:41.000 Hanging out with Wayne Newton.

00:03:42.000 A closet full of rhinestone capes.

00:03:46.000 I mean, I do have that, but I don't wear them all the time.

00:03:49.000 You know what I mean?

00:03:49.000 That would be awesome if you switched it up.

00:03:54.000 This weekend...

00:03:55.000 I promise I'll be wearing rhinestone capes on stage.

00:03:58.000 This is what I want to see from you.

00:03:59.000 I want to see abalone shell glasses, like the outside.

00:04:04.000 Just like a real glistening, iridescent glasses.

00:04:07.000 And then just plumes.

00:04:09.000 Lots of feathers.

00:04:10.000 And go on stage and do the same act.

00:04:12.000 Yeah, same act. 0.95

00:04:13.000 It'd be fucking amazing. 0.98

00:04:13.000 What's with sprinkles on donuts? 0.98

00:04:17.000 And go, is that abalone?

00:04:20.000 He's wearing abalone shades.

00:04:22.000 Yeah, people would take your pictures and be all this glistening and reflection off of the frames.

00:04:30.000 I just feel like you could switch it up.

00:04:32.000 Yeah, maybe one day.

00:04:33.000 Right now I like doing it the way I do it, but it'll be my ace in the hole.

00:04:38.000 I love what you're doing because you're a guy that has been steadily performing and you've built this massive following where you do these big giant places.

00:04:49.000 Dude, you did Red Rock in Colorado. 0.98

00:04:52.000 That's fucking huge. 0.99

00:04:54.000 That's a giant place. 0.99

00:04:55.000 I was humbled and honored to be able to perform there.

00:04:59.000 It's a beautiful venue, obviously.

00:05:01.000 It's amazing.

00:05:02.000 Have you performed there or seen a show there?

00:05:04.000 No.

00:05:05.000 I'm actually in Colorado on Friday, and I'm booking Red Rock for a year and a half out in the future.

00:05:12.000 That's my next gig I'm doing in Colorado.

00:05:15.000 It's going to be Red Rock.

00:05:16.000 Oh, well, it's amazing.

00:05:17.000 I've heard it's awesome.

00:05:18.000 Yeah.

00:05:19.000 Years ago when I was performing...

00:05:21.000 Look at that.

00:05:21.000 Come on.

00:05:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:05:22.000 I mean, just look at the fucking, the beauty in that place. 0.99

00:05:25.000 I mean, you're surrounded by these natural rock formations. 1.00

00:05:29.000 Goddamn, I fucking love Colorado. 0.99

00:05:30.000 I love it. 0.99

00:05:31.000 And to stand on that stage and look up at the, oh, that's me.

00:05:37.000 Oh, wow.

00:05:38.000 Look at that.

00:05:38.000 You sign your name on the wall.

00:05:40.000 Yeah.

00:05:41.000 Dude.

00:05:41.000 I never sign it big.

00:05:42.000 See how small it is?

00:05:43.000 You're a sweetie.

00:05:44.000 That's why.

00:05:44.000 I never wanted to sign it big.

00:05:46.000 Look at the fucking... 1.00

00:05:47.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

00:05:48.000 So that's how people sit?

00:05:49.000 That's when I was there.

00:05:50.000 So you don't have a signed seating?

00:05:52.000 You just kind of jam in there?

00:05:53.000 No, no, no.

00:05:53.000 I think it's a signed seating.

00:05:54.000 Oh, because it looks like giant bench seating.

00:05:57.000 It is bench seating, but it's numbered off.

00:06:00.000 Oh, okay.

00:06:01.000 I think. 1.00

00:06:01.000 Fuck, that's awesome. 1.00

00:06:03.000 And you did it kind of in the daytime? 1.00

00:06:05.000 Yeah.

00:06:06.000 No, it started in the daytime.

00:06:09.000 I think that was Joe Bolster opening for me.

00:06:14.000 Who did this video?

00:06:16.000 It was people who did my webpage put the video together.

00:06:20.000 Jamie, we need to do something like this.

00:06:21.000 For sure.

00:06:22.000 Let's do it.

00:06:22.000 So by the time I hit the stage, you can see it was dark.

00:06:25.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

00:06:26.000 This is amazing. 1.00

00:06:28.000 Holy shit, dude. 0.99

00:06:30.000 What is the sound like? 0.99

00:06:32.000 We have it dark because there were only 400 people in the entire venue. 0.99

00:06:36.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:06:36.000 Look at the size of that place. 0.99

00:06:39.000 That's madness.

00:06:40.000 That's 9,000 people.

00:06:42.000 That's crazy.

00:06:42.000 It's so beautiful, too, man.

00:06:44.000 It's pretty cool.

00:06:45.000 There's something about that place.

00:06:46.000 And you could run the stairs and get a workout before you actually perform.

00:06:50.000 I have some friends who live in Colorado who go to Red Rock just to run the stairs.

00:06:55.000 Yeah.

00:06:57.000 We got there early in the day and I walked like halfway up just to see what it was like.

00:07:02.000 Plus it's a high altitude.

00:07:03.000 Yeah.

00:07:04.000 So I was like out of breath just walking up once halfway.

00:07:08.000 So there's no way I'm running those stairs.

00:07:10.000 Did you ever do Aspen?

00:07:11.000 Aspen Comedy Festival back when they had that?

00:07:13.000 Years ago.

00:07:14.000 They used to give you oxygen backstage.

00:07:17.000 Yeah, I've done shows at high altitude areas where they will point out where the oxygen tanks are backstage and say, if you need it, they're ready.

00:07:26.000 That's pretty disconcerting.

00:07:27.000 It's weird.

00:07:28.000 They go, why would I need that?

00:07:29.000 And then they'll mention artists who needed it, you know, who had to come off stage and take a hit off it or whatever.

00:07:35.000 I've never had to do it.

00:07:36.000 But I have gotten lightheaded, like, you know.

00:07:39.000 Breckenridge, I think.

00:07:40.000 I remember being lightheaded on stage.

00:07:42.000 Oh, yeah.

00:07:42.000 I mean, I think Aspen, I want to say, is like a thousand feet above Denver.

00:07:48.000 I think Aspen's pretty up there, which is kind of a crazy place to do a comedy festival.

00:07:53.000 Right, right, right.

00:07:54.000 And also, when I used to perform at the Comedy Works in Denver, I didn't realize that alcohol would affect you more intensely at a high altitude as well.

00:08:04.000 And I used to drink a couple of beers before a show, and on a three-show Saturday night, you know, on that third show, you might have four or five beers in you.

00:08:13.000 I don't do that anymore, but I'd be on stage going, man, I'm lit up.

00:08:20.000 I slurring my punchlines.

00:08:22.000 That's a problem.

00:08:23.000 Yeah, I don't like to do that.

00:08:25.000 I want to kind of be in control.

00:08:26.000 It's not a good feeling.

00:08:27.000 Yeah, you know what's nice, though?

00:08:29.000 Right before you lose control.

00:08:30.000 You've got to get, like, right to the door.

00:08:32.000 Yeah.

00:08:33.000 You've got to get right to the door.

00:08:34.000 It's a fun place.

00:08:35.000 Right on the line.

00:08:36.000 Right on the edge.

00:08:37.000 It's hard.

00:08:38.000 You know, we need, like, a strip that you can, like, lick and look at it and go, hmm, we're getting close here. 0.87

00:08:45.000 Well, I know you like to shoot pool. 0.77

00:08:47.000 We shot pool last time.

00:08:49.000 It's similar to that when you have a couple of beers.

00:08:52.000 Like, for some people, and I think I'm one of these, if I'm completely sober, I'm not as good of a pool shooter because I'm too tense.

00:09:00.000 Right.

00:09:01.000 Where if you have a beer or two in you, you loosen up a little bit where you play better, but then you cross the lines.

00:09:08.000 And then you're gone.

00:09:09.000 Yeah, where it's just, you're not good at all.

00:09:11.000 So it's that line you're talking about.

00:09:12.000 I don't play good under alcohol.

00:09:15.000 I play good on marijuana.

00:09:17.000 Like, marijuana and pool, to me, goes great.

00:09:20.000 But alcohol just doesn't really go that good.

00:09:23.000 I can't even imagine shooting pool.

00:09:28.000 Well, the thing is about marijuana, it gives you...

00:09:30.000 Paranoid.

00:09:31.000 You definitely get paranoid.

00:09:32.000 I go, that four ball is saying something to me.

00:09:37.000 What's the deal with the...

00:09:38.000 Why is the two and the seven together like that?

00:09:42.000 I would start thinking weird thoughts.

00:09:43.000 There's a message.

00:09:44.000 There's a message in this table.

00:09:45.000 Clearly.

00:09:46.000 Yeah, there's absolute...

00:09:47.000 I took a month off.

00:09:49.000 We did this...

00:09:50.000 Me and Ari Shafir and Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura.

00:09:53.000 We did this Sober October thing, which I'm going to do every year.

00:09:57.000 And we took a month off of everything except coffee.

00:10:01.000 And we also did 15 90-minute Bikram yoga classes for the month.

00:10:07.000 Like, you owed 15. So it was an interesting little exercise in discipline because you had to do the yoga classes.

00:10:13.000 You had to get them in.

00:10:13.000 But it was also interesting for a guy who's been smoking pot pretty regularly for 20 years.

00:10:19.000 20 years, somewhere around then, to go to nothing.

00:10:23.000 Zero.

00:10:24.000 It was very strange and very educational.

00:10:26.000 I think very valuable, too, because it gave me a real good perspective on the benefits of marijuana and maybe perhaps some of the cons, too.

00:10:35.000 Right.

00:10:35.000 So, this past October?

00:10:37.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:10:38.000 Completely sober.

00:10:39.000 No alcohol as well?

00:10:40.000 No, no alcohol.

00:10:41.000 Just some coffee?

00:10:42.000 Just coffee.

00:10:42.000 That was the only...

00:10:43.000 And even coffee is kind of cheating.

00:10:45.000 I think next time I'm going to do it with no coffee.

00:10:47.000 I think next time...

00:10:49.000 Because, you know what?

00:10:49.000 Whenever I would see those AA guys...

00:10:52.000 And they would be smoking cigarettes and just pounding coffee.

00:10:55.000 I'd be like, hey man, you're doing drugs.

00:11:01.000 Something in each hand.

00:11:02.000 Yeah.

00:11:03.000 And they're going, I've been off the problems for, you know...

00:11:07.000 Yeah.

00:11:08.000 I think you need a vice.

00:11:11.000 You can't...

00:11:12.000 Maybe there are people who have gone through this world without having a vice, but I think you have to have...

00:11:19.000 Something.

00:11:20.000 Something that you can go to to go.

00:11:22.000 I know this is wrong, but as long as you're not hurting somebody, you know what I mean?

00:11:28.000 Yeah, I don't know if it's necessarily wrong, but I agree with you.

00:11:31.000 I know what you're saying.

00:11:32.000 I love that term, vice.

00:11:34.000 It's a very interesting term.

00:11:35.000 Like, I remember when you would see like the old cop movies, and they would talk about like the vice unit, like the vice squad.

00:11:41.000 Oh, they're looking, and then they go, what's your vice? 0.99

00:11:43.000 I'm like, shit, I got a vice? 0.99

00:11:45.000 But the vice unit is like... 0.99

00:11:47.000 There should be a booklet of all these vices that are available to people.

00:11:51.000 What is the exact term of vice?

00:11:54.000 Google the definition of vice.

00:11:58.000 Watch the vice president will pop up here.

00:12:01.000 Pence.

00:12:02.000 People even forget who he is.

00:12:03.000 When that guy's gone, they're going to completely forget him.

00:12:07.000 Boy, talk about being shadowed.

00:12:10.000 Alright, let's check out the definition of vice.

00:12:13.000 Immorality, wrongdoing, wickedness, badness, evil, iniquity.

00:12:19.000 Hmm, that's a weird word.

00:12:21.000 What does that word mean?

00:12:22.000 Villainy, corruption, misconduct, misdeeds, more.

00:12:27.000 There's more?

00:12:28.000 Click on more.

00:12:29.000 What is more?

00:12:30.000 There's more?

00:12:31.000 Oh, cinemas?

00:12:33.000 Criminal activities involving prostitution, pornography, or drugs.

00:12:39.000 Now, I'm on record saying that everyone should have one of these.

00:12:44.000 You need more pornography and drugs and wickedness and badness in your life.

00:12:48.000 You need more immoral or wicked personal characteristics. 0.92

00:12:53.000 I think those words are too strong.

00:12:55.000 When I think of vice, I think of, you know...

00:12:59.000 Cigarettes.

00:13:00.000 Yeah, having a shot of tequila.

00:13:02.000 A weakness of character or behavior, a bad habit.

00:13:06.000 Cigars happen to be my father's vice.

00:13:09.000 But how do you put cigars and drugs and criminal activities together?

00:13:15.000 How do you put criminal activities and drugs and cigars?

00:13:18.000 How are those in the same category?

00:13:20.000 Cigars doesn't fit in there.

00:13:23.000 Well, that's a problem.

00:13:26.000 Right?

00:13:26.000 Like, there's a problem with the term drugs.

00:13:28.000 Like, drugs could be a cup of coffee, or drugs could be crystal meth.

00:13:32.000 They're both drugs.

00:13:33.000 Right. 0.97

00:13:34.000 You know, when I see a guy smoking a cigar going, man, that guy is wicked. 0.99

00:13:39.000 He's a wicked criminal. 0.99

00:13:40.000 That's a wicked evil... 1.00

00:13:42.000 I bet you he's into pornography.

00:13:43.000 But we, that term vice is a strange term because we think of it as like a weakness.

00:13:49.000 And we're very embarrassed of our weaknesses, you know?

00:13:52.000 And if you can get out ahead of them and then explain, oh, well, you know, coffee's my vice.

00:13:58.000 Like, okay, okay, you're giving in to, you're letting us know.

00:14:02.000 You have this, here's your weakness.

00:14:04.000 Right.

00:14:04.000 You know?

00:14:05.000 But coffee is a pretty...

00:14:06.000 Yes.

00:14:07.000 The most innocuous.

00:14:08.000 The most innocuous weakness that someone can cop to.

00:14:12.000 Yeah.

00:14:12.000 You know what I mean?

00:14:13.000 And it's probably pretty good for you.

00:14:15.000 I keep reading...

00:14:16.000 It's so hard to tell.

00:14:17.000 Because you read one study that says a cup of coffee a week or a day can keep you from heart attacks.

00:14:22.000 Then another one says it takes 10 years off your life.

00:14:25.000 It's hard to figure out.

00:14:26.000 It's probably the same line thing.

00:14:29.000 I like to have a cocktail.

00:14:31.000 That would be my vice.

00:14:33.000 An A is the wrong word.

00:14:35.000 Look up...

00:14:37.000 Do you like to have one before you go on stage?

00:14:39.000 I like to have one shot before I go on stage.

00:14:42.000 I do a shot of chilled peach schnapps before I go on stage.

00:14:48.000 But it has nothing to do with the alcohol.

00:14:50.000 I like the ceremonial aspect.

00:14:52.000 So the people I'm working with, we all do a shot of chilled peach schnapps.

00:14:56.000 Oh, that's nice.

00:14:58.000 For the ceremony aspect of it, that's before the show.

00:15:02.000 After the show, I'll have something maybe a little stronger than a shot of chilled peach knobs.

00:15:07.000 To relax and unwind.

00:15:09.000 Actually, I don't drink that often, but I like to have my occasional night out with the guys.

00:15:15.000 Yeah.

00:15:16.000 Where you can kind of go ballistic.

00:15:18.000 It's fun.

00:15:20.000 And I do it safe.

00:15:21.000 You know what I mean?

00:15:22.000 I'm not driving.

00:15:24.000 Golf weekends with the brothers and friends.

00:15:27.000 We're all in a house.

00:15:28.000 We're getting lit up.

00:15:29.000 We're not hurting anybody.

00:15:30.000 Yeah.

00:15:31.000 I hear you.

00:15:32.000 I'm with you.

00:15:32.000 Yeah.

00:15:33.000 I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

00:15:35.000 I mean, who's it?

00:15:36.000 Was it Oscar Wilde who said all things in moderation, including moderation?

00:15:41.000 Love it.

00:15:42.000 It's a great term.

00:15:43.000 Great quote.

00:15:45.000 Yeah, I think there's benefits to alcohol.

00:15:49.000 There's benefits in joy.

00:15:51.000 You pay for it in recovery, but there's benefits in bonding, friendship.

00:15:57.000 Some of the most fun times I've had with my friends has been us hammered.

00:16:02.000 I remember being in college at a party and everybody being in a living room cramped, like it was shoulder to shoulder.

00:16:10.000 Everyone had beers in their hands and everyone was screaming at the top of their lungs, like everybody.

00:16:17.000 It became like an animalistic, tribal, like everybody was just... 0.74

00:16:23.000 Like 60 people jammed together screaming.

00:16:26.000 And I remember thinking, is this just the ultimate in bliss?

00:16:30.000 It's just an expression of joy.

00:16:35.000 You know what I mean? 0.98

00:16:36.000 It was just silly. 0.98

00:16:37.000 It was just silly. 0.99

00:16:38.000 It was so unbelievably goofy and silly. 0.99

00:16:41.000 But it's also, there's the inhibition... 0.93

00:16:45.000 Inducing quality of alcohol is very important for those moments, right?

00:16:50.000 Because it frees you from any concern about how you look or how you sound or whether or not you should be behaving this way.

00:16:58.000 And you can just...

00:16:59.000 Right, right.

00:17:00.000 But I wish I could do that without the alcohol.

00:17:06.000 Yeah, but you can't.

00:17:07.000 Can I say, hey, I need 49 people to come over to my place, and we're going to have some tea, and then we're all going to get shoulder to shoulder and scream at the top of our lungs?

00:17:18.000 No one would do that.

00:17:20.000 No. 0.76

00:17:20.000 You know, the alcohol kind of gives you the freedom to be goofy. 0.76

00:17:25.000 Yeah, it makes you feel like doing that.

00:17:27.000 Whereas you wouldn't feel like doing that if you were sober. 0.99

00:17:29.000 You'd be like, what the fuck is the benefit of screaming? 0.99

00:17:32.000 But maybe you do feel like it down deep. 0.99

00:17:35.000 Hmm.

00:17:36.000 You know what I mean?

00:17:37.000 I wonder.

00:17:38.000 Maybe there's something down deep and then the alcohol brings...

00:17:40.000 Because why would you do it when you're drunk?

00:17:42.000 I don't know.

00:17:42.000 There's something that you want...

00:17:44.000 There's some reason why you're doing it.

00:17:46.000 I'll tell you one thing that I did find when I was sober for a month is that I would go out with people who were drinking and they would be annoying!

00:17:53.000 Ha ha! 0.86

00:17:54.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:17:56.000 It's this fucking... 1.00

00:17:57.000 It's real hard when you're sober. 1.00

00:18:00.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:18:00.000 And a bunch of people around you are just talking stupid drunk shit. 1.00

00:18:05.000 They're on that vibe. 1.00

00:18:07.000 Right, and you're not even close.

00:18:08.000 You're nowhere near that vibe.

00:18:09.000 You're like, hey, look at the time. 0.99

00:18:10.000 Let's get the fuck out of here. 0.98

00:18:11.000 That's funny. 0.98

00:18:12.000 That's funny.

00:18:13.000 That's why everybody has to be on the same page.

00:18:15.000 Yes, yes.

00:18:16.000 That's important.

00:18:17.000 Everybody has to be at the same level of goofiness, Shane.

00:18:20.000 Yeah, like if you're dating someone that doesn't drink and you're a drinker, that could be a real issue.

00:18:26.000 You know, if you start getting hammered and they're like, you're annoying.

00:18:28.000 Like, no, no, no. 0.99

00:18:29.000 You're fucking sober. 0.99

00:18:32.000 I'm not annoying. 0.99

00:18:33.000 I'm not annoying.

00:18:34.000 No, I'm not annoying.

00:18:35.000 I'm drunk.

00:18:36.000 This is what happens.

00:18:37.000 You don't even feel this moment like I feel this moment.

00:18:44.000 Play a good drunk, man.

00:18:46.000 I've been there before.

00:18:48.000 That's good.

00:18:49.000 That's strong. 0.98

00:18:50.000 Yeah, the problem is the physical repercussions are fucking massive. 0.96

00:18:54.000 Yeah, well those are now in my calendar. 0.95

00:18:56.000 Oh, you got them written in.

00:18:58.000 Oh, yeah.

00:18:58.000 I know when my crazy night is going to be and I know that I have nothing to do the next day.

00:19:04.000 Oh.

00:19:05.000 Do you have like Pedialyte set aside?

00:19:08.000 I don't know anything about that.

00:19:10.000 It's like an electrolyte drink or something.

00:19:13.000 Yes.

00:19:13.000 I don't do that.

00:19:14.000 No?

00:19:14.000 Maybe an IV drip?

00:19:17.000 I go to bed and set up the IV drip before I go to sleep.

00:19:20.000 There you go.

00:19:21.000 Yeah.

00:19:21.000 No.

00:19:23.000 Nope.

00:19:24.000 Just sleep.

00:19:24.000 Just go to sleep and sleep.

00:19:26.000 Wake up.

00:19:26.000 Have pancakes.

00:19:27.000 Sleep for three days.

00:19:29.000 Yeah.

00:19:29.000 That's the other thing too is the food choices.

00:19:32.000 You get a double whammy from alcohol.

00:19:35.000 You get the impact of the alcohol and then you get the impact of the food choices.

00:19:39.000 That you succumb to.

00:19:41.000 Waffle House.

00:19:41.000 Yeah, Waffle House is good.

00:19:43.000 4 a.m. 1.00

00:19:44.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:19:45.000 4 a.m. 1.00

00:19:46.000 Waffle House.

00:19:46.000 Talk to me.

00:19:47.000 Yeah.

00:19:49.000 I get so much food that it can't literally fit on the table.

00:19:55.000 They have those little Waffle House tables.

00:19:57.000 Yeah.

00:19:57.000 I'll get eggs, hash browns, sausage, the waffles, you know, maybe biscuits and gravy.

00:20:04.000 I don't even fuck with the eggs. 0.98

00:20:07.000 Why are we pretending this is real food? 0.99

00:20:09.000 Just give me them waffles and extra butter. 0.95

00:20:13.000 I don't even start eating until I've opened like six or seven of those little packages of butter. 0.99

00:20:18.000 I'm going to slather that shit all over those waffles and then drown them. 1.00

00:20:23.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:20:24.000 Yeah.

00:20:25.000 But when you get like four guys at a Waffle House table, it's really a mathematical problem.

00:20:33.000 The amount of food that the four guys are getting literally will not fit on the table that they're providing for you. 0.89

00:20:39.000 I've had some fucking amazing conversations with friends after shows at the Waffle House. 0.94

00:20:44.000 Sure. 0.98

00:20:45.000 Yeah.

00:20:46.000 But always looking for fights.

00:20:48.000 You always keep a lookout. 0.99

00:20:50.000 Anybody can come in any time and start kicking someone's ass. 0.99

00:20:53.000 You always gotta be looking to run out the door. 0.99

00:20:56.000 There's something about Waffle Houses after 1am where the possibility of fights goes through the roof.

00:21:03.000 The graph just goes up.

00:21:05.000 You always have to be looking.

00:21:06.000 You always have to be looking for fights.

00:21:08.000 Like at any moment one could break out.

00:21:09.000 So you have like Sizzler Steakhouse at 6 p.m.

00:21:12.000 to Waffle House at 4 a.m.

00:21:15.000 and the graph just goes through.

00:21:17.000 Is that fights at Waffle House?

00:21:18.000 Yeah, I just typed it in on pictures.

00:21:19.000 There's just so many of them.

00:21:21.000 I didn't realize it was an actual web page dedicated to Waffle House fights.

00:21:26.000 I've seen so many videos.

00:21:27.000 I've seen so many.

00:21:28.000 Look at this guy.

00:21:28.000 He's got scars all over his face.

00:21:30.000 Look at that guy right next to the cursor.

00:21:31.000 Jesus Christ.

00:21:32.000 He got beat up at the Waffle House.

00:21:34.000 Oh my god.

00:21:35.000 Yeah, Waffle House is just something about that place.

00:21:38.000 It's 24 hours a day, and it's just alcohol, right?

00:21:42.000 The amount of people that are coming in drunk is through the roof.

00:21:45.000 I wonder if at some Waffle House meeting somebody proposed, we should close at 1 a.m.

00:21:54.000 We're gonna cut out 95% of our profits because everybody comes in after 1am.

00:22:00.000 Yeah, that would be a terrible move.

00:22:02.000 Yeah.

00:22:03.000 Let's close at 1am and see what happens. 1.00

00:22:05.000 That'd be like Tiger Woods chopping his fucking arms off. 1.00

00:22:07.000 What kind of stupid idea is that? 1.00

00:22:11.000 That's so dumb. 1.00

00:22:12.000 That's such a dumb idea. 1.00

00:22:15.000 They must embrace the drunks. 1.00

00:22:19.000 Hangover remedies.

00:22:20.000 You know what else is really good, really late at night?

00:22:22.000 If you could find a legit Mexican joint.

00:22:25.000 Like a legit one where they barely speak English.

00:22:30.000 You know?

00:22:31.000 I was at a place in Dallas, and there was a late-night place, a Chinese restaurant, where they would serve alcohol after alcohol was supposed to be closed.

00:22:42.000 Oh, cold tea.

00:22:44.000 Yeah, this is the cool place to go to.

00:22:46.000 And you go there, and everybody's on the down-low, and they serve alcohol, but like in teacups.

00:22:52.000 Yeah, they call it cold tea, right?

00:22:54.000 Something like that.

00:22:55.000 Yeah.

00:22:55.000 And...

00:22:57.000 The place was packed, and everybody had booze.

00:23:00.000 And I'm like, is this really a secret to the police?

00:23:05.000 Like, the police don't know that this place is packed at 3 o'clock in the morning, and we're all here to drink tea?

00:23:12.000 You know what I mean?

00:23:13.000 And apparently, somebody said the cops are coming, like a raid was happening.

00:23:18.000 I guess maybe they saw them pulling into the parking lot.

00:23:21.000 And an old Asian guy ran around all the tables throwing fish on everybody's table. 1.00

00:23:28.000 Food.

00:23:29.000 Food.

00:23:32.000 I don't want to do an Asian accent because it'll sound racist, but he was saying, tell the police you're eating the fish.

00:23:38.000 Telling everybody, tell them you're eating the fish.

00:23:40.000 Tell them you're eating the fish.

00:23:42.000 This big giant fish on our plate.

00:23:44.000 Like, that would fool the cops.

00:23:46.000 Like, everybody has the same giant fish on their plate and a cup of tea.

00:23:51.000 We just all had a craving for this.

00:23:54.000 At 3 o'clock in the morning, all of us.

00:23:56.000 It's their specialty.

00:23:59.000 It's amazing they had that many fish cooked, ready to go.

00:24:01.000 I don't even know if they were cooked.

00:24:03.000 I think he was just scrambling to try to cover what was going on.

00:24:06.000 Chinatown in Boston always had that.

00:24:08.000 We would do shows at Nick's Comedy Stop, and then we'd go to Chinatown, which is right down the street, and they served cold tea.

00:24:16.000 You could drink beer late at night.

00:24:17.000 I think I've been in that place.

00:24:18.000 I bet you have.

00:24:19.000 There's quite a few of those.

00:24:20.000 Comedians would go, hey, we've got a place we can go to.

00:24:22.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:24:23.000 I wish I could remember the name of the places.

00:24:24.000 But good Chinese food, too.

00:24:26.000 Like, real, serious, legit Chinese food.

00:24:29.000 And you'd also get beer late at night.

00:24:33.000 They must have had some sort of a deal with the cops.

00:24:34.000 Because I knew about it when I was, like, 18. So if I knew about it, I can't imagine that escaped the police.

00:24:41.000 Yeah, and the entire police force was oblivious.

00:24:44.000 Joe Rogan knows about this.

00:24:47.000 But the entire police force is oblivious to the fact that this is happening in their town.

00:24:53.000 Yeah.

00:24:54.000 Highly unlikely.

00:24:56.000 It is weird, though, that there's rules.

00:24:58.000 That's one of the things that I like about Vegas, is that Vegas allows you to drink whenever you want.

00:25:03.000 You're a grown adult.

00:25:04.000 If you want to have a beer at 5 o'clock in the morning, it's totally legal.

00:25:08.000 If you want to have a beer at 7 o'clock in the morning, that's legal, too.

00:25:11.000 Decide for yourself.

00:25:12.000 There's no magical hour where alcohol becomes okay.

00:25:17.000 I agree with that, but I also understand the not wanting everybody to get on the road behind a wheel, you know, like aspect.

00:25:27.000 Yeah, but does that really save anybody?

00:25:29.000 Because at the end of the day, if you're drunk at midnight, you're drunk at midnight.

00:25:34.000 How are you going to get home?

00:25:35.000 Are you going to wait until 2 in the morning and then drive?

00:25:37.000 Is that the idea?

00:25:38.000 Well, you're still going to be drunk.

00:25:39.000 If you're out there driving and you're drunk, you're driving drunk, period.

00:25:43.000 There's no real workaround for that.

00:25:45.000 And if it happens at 11 p.m.

00:25:48.000 or if it happens at 5 a.m., it's really the same situation.

00:25:52.000 Unless you factor where you're going to be more drunk even later.

00:25:56.000 You know what I mean?

00:25:57.000 Yeah, I guess so.

00:25:58.000 But, I mean, what percentage of people that leave clubs are driving drunk?

00:26:02.000 It's got to be in the high 70s.

00:26:06.000 And they just drive.

00:26:07.000 What I like today is Lyft and Uber, that people are using these ride-sharing things.

00:26:13.000 That is gigantic.

00:26:15.000 And I would imagine that's probably saved a lot of people accidents.

00:26:18.000 That's good to know.

00:26:19.000 Yes. 0.99

00:26:20.000 And you've had to listen to a lot of really stupid stories from drivers and had weird conversations with these people. 0.98

00:26:30.000 I have not been in a lot of Ubers, but they tend to like to talk about their rating. 0.99

00:26:36.000 Oh, do they?

00:26:38.000 Because that's what they survive on is you're going to rate them.

00:26:43.000 So they want to float the subject that you're going to be rating them when they get out.

00:26:50.000 I've heard a disproportionate amount of Uber drivers say, you know, I usually get good ratings.

00:26:56.000 I had this one person who I thought I had done a good job for.

00:26:59.000 Give me a bad rating.

00:27:01.000 So I think they're pumping you to get out and give them whatever the highest...

00:27:06.000 Number of stars.

00:27:08.000 You should get ahead of that.

00:27:08.000 When you get in the car, go, hey man, here's a deal.

00:27:10.000 I'll give you five stars.

00:27:12.000 Just don't talk.

00:27:12.000 Get me there safe.

00:27:13.000 All right.

00:27:14.000 High five.

00:27:14.000 Let's go.

00:27:15.000 Don't play any crazy music.

00:27:17.000 Right.

00:27:18.000 You're starting at five stars.

00:27:21.000 You're already there.

00:27:22.000 Just leave me alone.

00:27:23.000 Just leave me alone.

00:27:24.000 Just leave me alone.

00:27:24.000 Let me be inside my own head.

00:27:26.000 If you talk about ratings, that knocks a star off.

00:27:29.000 Yeah.

00:27:30.000 Yeah, it becomes a problem when there's a forced conversation, always.

00:27:34.000 And if you're paying for that forced conversation, you're like, okay.

00:27:36.000 It's one thing, like, you want to be cordial, you want to be friendly, like, hey, how you doing?

00:27:40.000 Nice to meet you.

00:27:40.000 All right, cool.

00:27:41.000 But then, if they start interviewing you.

00:27:44.000 Car service people, from years of doing this, there's two kinds.

00:27:49.000 There are the kinds of drivers who, they don't want to talk to anybody.

00:27:54.000 That's why they like this kind of job.

00:27:56.000 They don't have to talk to anybody.

00:27:58.000 And then you have the type of driver who likes a captive audience.

00:28:03.000 Ooh.

00:28:04.000 And they will not stop talking.

00:28:06.000 You know what a real problem has been?

00:28:08.000 If me and my friends, like say we get a car service on the road, and we're having like a serious conversation, and then they interrupt and start chiming in.

00:28:17.000 Like, hey.

00:28:18.000 Well, I think the problem is that women don't understand what men really want. 1.00

00:28:21.000 What? 1.00

00:28:23.000 The fuck is this guy? 1.00

00:28:24.000 Right. 1.00

00:28:24.000 What are you doing? 1.00

00:28:26.000 And if it's like really...

00:28:29.000 Politically weighted or something like that.

00:28:31.000 You're driving me three miles.

00:28:34.000 I don't want to get into a political tit for tat.

00:28:36.000 I got in a cab in Las Vegas, and I was going to the Las Vegas Hilton.

00:28:42.000 And I get in the back, and I said, Las Vegas Hilton.

00:28:45.000 I was already on the strip.

00:28:46.000 And he said, I'm not making this up.

00:28:49.000 He goes, oh, that's not too far. 0.99

00:28:51.000 That won't be too much of a problem for my anus. 0.99

00:28:57.000 And I said, excuse me. 0.99

00:29:00.000 He used the word anus?

00:29:01.000 I'm trying to think of another word he used. 0.99

00:29:02.000 He didn't say ass. 0.99

00:29:04.000 Is there another word between ass and anus? 1.00

00:29:07.000 Taint? 1.00

00:29:07.000 Rectum. 1.00

00:29:08.000 Oh, my rectum. 0.97

00:29:09.000 I think he said it was something like rectum. 0.97

00:29:12.000 You know, forcing me into the follow-up question. 0.99

00:29:15.000 Oh, what's the matter with your rectum? 0.98

00:29:20.000 And he said that he had an operation. 0.57

00:29:22.000 He had recently had an operation, and long drives are challenging for him, but my drive over to the Las Vegas Hilton isn't too long, so it won't be too uncomfortable.

00:29:33.000 And I found it quite odd that I had known this man for five seconds, and we were talking about that part of his body.

00:29:41.000 Yeah, you've got to get ahead of that.

00:29:42.000 When a guy like that says something like that, you've got to go, okay, good.

00:29:48.000 Well, that's a good amount of space for me to drive. 0.83

00:29:51.000 I don't have to worry about my rectum falling out. 0.91

00:29:53.000 Okay, cool. 0.93

00:29:54.000 See, you're better at these things than I am. 1.00

00:29:57.000 I deal with a lot more dumb people than you do, I think. 0.99

00:29:59.000 Well, from doing Fear Factor for six years, I got a PhD in questionable humans. 1.00

00:30:09.000 Most of them were wonderful people, but every show I had to deal with one person like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:30:15.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99

00:30:17.000 Yeah.

00:30:19.000 So, did you do...

00:30:21.000 You did that for a while, and then they brought it back? 0.82

00:30:24.000 They brought it back for seven episodes, but only six aired, because the seventh one, we had people drink cum.

00:30:34.000 And that killed the show.

00:30:36.000 Second time.

00:30:37.000 I was actually happy it got killed the second time, because it was a mistake.

00:30:41.000 I shouldn't have done it.

00:30:44.000 But, it was a bunch of old friends.

00:30:46.000 Like, the people that were producing it were good friends, and it was the opportunity to work with them, and it was a shitload of money.

00:30:51.000 And it was like, I just got talked into it.

00:30:53.000 It was like, come on, it'll be fun.

00:30:55.000 Oh, you talk about the whole experience.

00:30:57.000 I thought you meant the particular...

00:31:00.000 No, no. 0.67

00:31:01.000 No, the particular episode, I couldn't fucking believe it when they said that's what they were supposed to do. 0.79

00:31:05.000 I went, what? 0.97

00:31:08.000 Human?

00:31:09.000 Or from...

00:31:09.000 Mule.

00:31:10.000 Mule come.

00:31:11.000 Oh, that's not so bad.

00:31:12.000 That's not so bad.

00:31:14.000 We actually discussed this yesterday, oddly enough.

00:31:17.000 With Eliza Schlesinger.

00:31:18.000 Oh, I'm sorry.

00:31:18.000 I don't mean to cover.

00:31:19.000 Yeah, I can't believe it's coming up two days in a row.

00:31:21.000 But that happens sometimes.

00:31:23.000 Like, subjects come in waves.

00:31:24.000 And it's not even if I bring them up.

00:31:26.000 It's just for whatever reason.

00:31:27.000 They come in waves.

00:31:28.000 Wow.

00:31:29.000 I didn't mean to force you into bringing up that subject again.

00:31:32.000 Well, the other problem with the second season of Fear Factor, and I could say this now because it didn't happen, is I was worried we were going to kill somebody.

00:31:38.000 I was really worried.

00:31:39.000 It seemed too dangerous.

00:31:41.000 Like, they were ramping up the stunts, and they were making things, like, way more spectacular.

00:31:46.000 And you're just taking bigger chances.

00:31:49.000 And there was a lot of downtime in between stunts.

00:31:51.000 There was a lot of preparation.

00:31:52.000 There was a lot of, like, checks and balances.

00:31:55.000 And they really wanted to make sure that everything was tested and double-tested.

00:31:58.000 And they really mapped it out well.

00:32:01.000 But it was still... 0.99

00:32:02.000 There were some hair-raising things these fucking people had to do. 0.99

00:32:05.000 Maybe fear was too far. 0.99

00:32:08.000 Maybe it should have been, like, mildly uncomfortable factor.

00:32:12.000 Where you put people, like, in mildly uncomfortable situations...

00:32:16.000 Like, hey, I want you to go over and talk to that woman. 1.00

00:32:20.000 She seems kind of attractive.

00:32:23.000 You know what I mean?

00:32:23.000 And so it's kind of mildly uncomfortable.

00:32:27.000 No one's going to die.

00:32:29.000 No one's going to... 1.00

00:32:30.000 They might if she kills you. 1.00

00:32:32.000 They're doing a new one with Ludacris. 0.97

00:32:34.000 It's kind of that way.

00:32:35.000 There's a new fear factor.

00:32:37.000 And Ludacris, the rapper, is the host.

00:32:39.000 And some of the fears are like forgetting your cell phone somewhere.

00:32:43.000 Right? 1.00

00:32:44.000 Isn't it something stupid like that? 1.00

00:32:45.000 And they don't have to eat anything gross. 1.00

00:32:48.000 Which was really dumb to keep that out because that was one of the most popular parts of the original series.

00:32:54.000 That was gigantic. 0.99

00:32:57.000 The eating gross shit part was huge. 0.99

00:32:59.000 I have to be honest with you. 1.00

00:33:01.000 I couldn't watch that.

00:33:03.000 That was the hard part for me.

00:33:05.000 I hear you.

00:33:07.000 It was hard for me to watch somebody...

00:33:10.000 Do something, because I wouldn't eat it or drink it, and I don't want to watch somebody else do that.

00:33:15.000 Yeah, I'm with you.

00:33:17.000 I mean, I wouldn't have, well, that's not true.

00:33:19.000 I watched, somebody sent me a clip of Stevo with a gas mask on, and I tweeted it.

00:33:28.000 Some guy farting into a tube, and it goes right into Stevo's face, and he threw up into the mask.

00:33:35.000 And I laughed so hard that I retweeted it.

00:33:40.000 And the guy who sent it to me, it was actually quite rude of him, but it was in response to Eliza Schlesinger's appearance yesterday on the podcast.

00:33:48.000 But look at this.

00:33:49.000 Look, this guy's gonna fart into this tube, and the tube goes right into Steve-O's face.

00:33:55.000 Look at this.

00:33:55.000 He farts, and Steve-O... Mm-hmm.

00:34:09.000 I'd like to...

00:34:09.000 I almost threw up.

00:34:10.000 Right there, I almost threw up.

00:34:12.000 I'd like to bring like a...

00:34:17.000 Revive from the dead like Edgar Allan Poe or Mark Twain and put them in a time machine and bring them to now and go All the stuff you did was like really cool.

00:34:26.000 Check out what we're doing now Show them that video.

00:34:30.000 Well, they didn't even have video back then.

00:34:32.000 If Edgar Allan Poe had a cell phone camera He might have given up on poetry. 0.99

00:34:38.000 Like fuck all this raving stuff Nobody's buying these blackbird poems Does anybody have like a gas mask? 1.00

00:34:48.000 Yeah, and a fat guy to fart into a tube. 1.00

00:34:50.000 Let's make some real entertainment. 0.99

00:34:52.000 Oh, wow.

00:34:53.000 I mean, I wonder what...

00:34:55.000 I mean, that's a real question, right?

00:34:57.000 Like, what would people have done?

00:34:59.000 Like, some of the great works...

00:35:01.000 The people that created amazing music, where they composed incredible music, or they wrote great books or poetry.

00:35:09.000 There wasn't a lot of outlets for your creativity back then.

00:35:12.000 I mean, there wasn't even stand-up comedy.

00:35:13.000 There was no music videos.

00:35:15.000 There was nothing that you could do that we take for granted today.

00:35:19.000 It's so commonplace.

00:35:21.000 Yeah, I mean, if you really stop and think about it.

00:35:24.000 But I mean, it's gone to...

00:35:26.000 I mean, that's the extreme.

00:35:28.000 But that's Steve-O. Like, how do you go...

00:35:29.000 Steve-O's a fucking maniac. 1.00

00:35:31.000 I mean... 1.00

00:35:31.000 Well, I like that all different kinds of things get explored. 1.00

00:35:35.000 I truly do.

00:35:36.000 I like that, you know, somebody wants to do that, that people can be entertained by that.

00:35:40.000 But it's definitely...

00:35:42.000 That's sort of the end of the line, isn't it?

00:35:45.000 Yes, it's definitely the end of the line.

00:35:46.000 You know, what's...

00:35:48.000 What could be more outrageous?

00:35:50.000 Steve-O will find it if it's out there further.

00:35:52.000 I was with him in Vegas a couple weeks ago.

00:35:55.000 He came to the UFC, and we went to dinner, and we were talking, and we were hanging out, and he's telling me all these things that he's planning on doing. 0.99

00:36:04.000 Like, then I'm going to light myself on fire, and then I'm going to jump into traffic, and then I'm going to pour barbed wire around my dick, and then I'm like, what? 0.99

00:36:12.000 Why are you doing all this, man? 1.00

00:36:13.000 And then a guy's going to hit me with a paddle?

00:36:15.000 What?

00:36:16.000 What?

00:36:16.000 Those things are written in a notebook.

00:36:18.000 He's always got to take it to another place.

00:36:21.000 He recently had to cancel shows in Denver because he lit himself on fire, and the burns were so bad that when he went to the doctor, he just wanted to get treated.

00:36:33.000 He's like, I'm in pain.

00:36:34.000 They were like, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1.00

00:36:35.000 Dude, you need fucking skin grafts immediately. 0.99

00:36:39.000 And so he had to get skin grafts all over his arms. 1.00

00:36:42.000 Look at that.

00:36:44.000 That's his skin popping and all the blisters and that's all, you know, massive burns.

00:36:52.000 He lit himself on fire and then did like fire angels.

00:36:57.000 Like rolled around.

00:36:59.000 Yeah.

00:36:59.000 On the ground.

00:37:00.000 And so he had to cancel his gigs.

00:37:02.000 I think he was at the Comedy Works in Denver.

00:37:04.000 Look at that.

00:37:05.000 You could see through his skin.

00:37:06.000 Look at all the liquid in his skin when he moves.

00:37:08.000 Do that again. 0.95

00:37:09.000 Pull that again.

00:37:09.000 That's amazing.

00:37:11.000 Oh, it's an Instagram video?

00:37:13.000 That's crazy how you can see all the pus roll back and forth. 1.00

00:37:17.000 That's quite fascinating for whatever reason.

00:37:19.000 Why am I interested in that?

00:37:22.000 See, that doesn't interest you.

00:37:24.000 You're a sensible guy, Brian Regan.

00:37:26.000 Well, if I could sell some tickets, I might...

00:37:28.000 You know what I mean?

00:37:29.000 Yeah, that's his thing.

00:37:31.000 I'm going to be in San Diego, and in between shows, I'm going to be lighting myself on fire and having body fluids and sacks of pus hanging from my arms.

00:37:41.000 Are you going to videotape it?

00:37:43.000 Well, sure.

00:37:45.000 It'd be hard to just write about it.

00:37:46.000 What if you did it for one fan?

00:37:48.000 It was like a personal experience.

00:37:50.000 No one else needs to know.

00:37:52.000 I'm just going to light myself on fire, and then I'm going to get burns, and I'm going to do this little pus dance just for one person.

00:37:59.000 It's very intimate and personal.

00:38:00.000 Let me think about it.

00:38:02.000 I'm going to mull it over.

00:38:03.000 I'm going to mull that one over.

00:38:05.000 What do you do for fun, man, besides play golf?

00:38:07.000 Do you have any weird interests?

00:38:10.000 Um...

00:38:12.000 I like watching police chases on YouTube.

00:38:15.000 Do you?

00:38:16.000 Yeah.

00:38:17.000 Why?

00:38:18.000 And what bothers me is when they put the end in the explanation.

00:38:21.000 Oh, yeah.

00:38:22.000 I hate that.

00:38:23.000 It's a little drama.

00:38:25.000 I don't know how it's going to end.

00:38:27.000 Don't put, you know, police chase ends in shooting.

00:38:30.000 Don't put police chase ends in crash.

00:38:32.000 Just put police chase and let me find out.

00:38:36.000 Do you remember a few years back there was a thing that they did on television where there was some sort of a situation where there was a guy who was over a bridge and he had a gun in his mouth and it was on television.

00:38:50.000 Do you remember that?

00:38:51.000 And then he shot himself on TV and they had apologized because they showed this guy getting shot on TV and it was like this really shocking moment for people.

00:39:01.000 And I was just thinking that that's not even shocking anymore.

00:39:05.000 Like, the exact same thing today would be like, eh.

00:39:08.000 Well, now they pull back.

00:39:10.000 When a guy gets out of a car, and if it's unclear whether he's giving up, the cameras from the news media will pull back to prevent people from seeing something graphic.

00:39:23.000 You hear them go, pull back, pull back, pull back, because they don't know if a shooting is about to take place.

00:39:28.000 I don't like that part of it.

00:39:30.000 I don't like to see that hardcore violence.

00:39:33.000 I just like the drama of, you know, I'm always intrigued with what these people are thinking.

00:39:41.000 Are they thinking they're going to get away?

00:39:43.000 You know, and it's like there's 75 cop cars chasing you.

00:39:49.000 There's helicopters overhead.

00:39:50.000 Do you think you're going to get away?

00:39:53.000 And it fascinates me.

00:39:54.000 Has anybody ever gotten away?

00:39:55.000 What is this?

00:39:56.000 Some people have, though.

00:39:58.000 I'm in a high-speed chase, bro.

00:40:00.000 Suspect broadcasts on Facebook Live during Pursuit.

00:40:04.000 Now, this is a new thing where when they're being chased, they video themselves.

00:40:10.000 So this guy's driving a truck.

00:40:11.000 I've seen this one.

00:40:12.000 It's like two and a half hours long this week.

00:40:14.000 I've seen this one.

00:40:14.000 Just driving through fields and whatnot.

00:40:16.000 Grandma, I love you, he says.

00:40:17.000 How does he have enough gas? 0.99

00:40:19.000 He stopped a few times and unloaded the shit in the back of his truck. 0.99

00:40:21.000 Oh, look at that. 0.99

00:40:21.000 That was a good move. 0.99

00:40:23.000 The cops tried to get him.

00:40:25.000 Oh, that's interesting.

00:40:27.000 He stopped and...

00:40:28.000 Oh, he's hanging out of the truck.

00:40:30.000 Look at that.

00:40:31.000 Watch this guy.

00:40:32.000 Oh, yeah, that was the end.

00:40:33.000 He was going...

00:40:34.000 There was about a minute of him driving in reverse prior to that.

00:40:39.000 What happened?

00:40:40.000 They tased him?

00:40:40.000 Yeah.

00:40:42.000 And then he ended up in that little pond or whatever.

00:40:44.000 And he's smoking weed.

00:40:45.000 I love these people.

00:40:47.000 Have you seen the girl with their plastic faces?

00:40:49.000 The show Live PD that's been on, on Fridays and Saturdays?

00:40:52.000 No.

00:40:53.000 It goes viral, like, viral is a weird word to use, but it's trending on Twitter every night because they're technically live with police like this in five or six, seven different cities on, I think, Friday and Saturday nights, and they just follow what's happening.

00:41:06.000 If someone's getting pulled over We're living in a time where people absolutely want attention at any cost. 0.99

00:41:21.000 Go back to that, because I love those fucking people. 0.99

00:41:25.000 Those people, pause that for a second. 1.00

00:41:26.000 These fucking people, these broadcast people. 1.00

00:41:29.000 Oh, it blurs it out? 1.00

00:41:31.000 It doesn't matter.

00:41:33.000 Those people, the broadcast news people, are so odd today.

00:41:36.000 Because they're like a relic of a forgotten time, you know, where talking like this was acceptable.

00:41:43.000 Yes.

00:41:43.000 And it seems like they're dying.

00:41:45.000 There's nothing left of that.

00:41:46.000 Like, that won't exist in 20 years.

00:41:49.000 It's not going to be like that.

00:41:51.000 Right.

00:41:51.000 On the news.

00:41:52.000 Because it has already evolved away from that with a lot of radio.

00:41:55.000 You know how that was like the stereotypical...

00:41:57.000 And then more and more radio hosts were going, this is hacky.

00:42:01.000 We need to just be ourselves.

00:42:03.000 Well, Howard Stern.

00:42:04.000 But it hasn't done it yet.

00:42:05.000 Yes, exactly.

00:42:06.000 But it hasn't done it yet with newscasters.

00:42:08.000 They still have the...

00:42:10.000 Howard Stern single-handedly killed the morning jock voice.

00:42:14.000 Single-handedly.

00:42:16.000 Because, I mean, it just seems so preposterous when you would listen to him be himself.

00:42:20.000 Right.

00:42:20.000 And then you would listen to, hey, we're coming up next with some crazy stuff.

00:42:23.000 Brian Regan's in town.

00:42:25.000 What a funny guy.

00:42:26.000 Tell me right back.

00:42:26.000 Woo!

00:42:27.000 Hey! 0.99

00:42:27.000 Ha ha! 0.99

00:42:28.000 Ha ha ha!

00:42:29.000 Ha ha ha!

00:42:31.000 Ha ha ha!

00:42:32.000 With sound effects, you know?

00:42:35.000 Do you think that these shows, though, like this show that you were talking about, Jamie, don't you think that they kind of encourage this kind of behavior?

00:42:41.000 I mean, if there's ever an argument that that is very counterproductive for our society, that's almost like you're asking people to submit content for this wacky chase show.

00:42:53.000 Didn't you say that it comes on at a specific time?

00:42:56.000 So how could it actually be?

00:42:58.000 They know.

00:42:58.000 People know now.

00:42:59.000 They know that chases are going to take place at a specific time on a specific day.

00:43:03.000 Yeah, because if you made it live, if you made it a live show where, like, it's Chase Friday.

00:43:08.000 Who's going to run?

00:43:09.000 Who's going to run?

00:43:10.000 Right.

00:43:10.000 Somebody's going to do it on purpose.

00:43:12.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.95

00:43:12.000 And by the way, now they are fucking selling cars that are so much faster than any cop car. 0.95

00:43:19.000 Corvette just released a new ZR1 that has 750 plus horsepower. 0.98

00:43:26.000 They think it's going to do an under seven minute lap of the Nürburgring in Germany. 0.98

00:43:32.000 I mean, this is a fucking insane car that there's not a goddamn cop car in the world that's gonna be able to catch that thing. 0.97

00:43:39.000 You're gonna be able to go into a Corvette dealership, buy one of those things, and you will be so much more powerful than any cop car on the road. 0.99

00:43:49.000 But it's still not going to outrun a helicopter.

00:43:51.000 Right, exactly.

00:43:51.000 That's the thing.

00:43:52.000 But it is weird, right?

00:43:54.000 You can just buy one of those.

00:43:55.000 Here's the thing.

00:43:57.000 You know what Moore's Law is when it comes to computer processing power?

00:44:01.000 I do not.

00:44:02.000 It's a law of escalation, essentially.

00:44:05.000 Every year, computers are going to get exponentially more powerful.

00:44:10.000 It's kind of like bottomed out because there's really no need for them to get any...

00:44:14.000 Especially personal use.

00:44:16.000 They've gotten more powerful, but not...

00:44:18.000 Not that much more powerful, but it's going to keep going.

00:44:21.000 It's going to keep going.

00:44:22.000 It's going to keep going.

00:44:23.000 They're going to keep better and better to force consumerism, right?

00:44:25.000 To force people to purchase these things.

00:44:28.000 With cars, the problem is you're talking about acceleration.

00:44:32.000 Acceleration is one of the things that people prize the most, like zero to 60. There's cars now that you can buy right off the lot that go zero to 60 in two seconds.

00:44:43.000 I get no joy out of that in a car.

00:44:46.000 That doesn't thrill me to be in a car and see how quickly I could be going fast.

00:44:54.000 I don't mind it being gradual.

00:44:57.000 I don't mind if it took me...

00:45:00.000 Ten minutes to get to 60 miles an hour as long as I could eventually get to 60. You say that, but you want to be able to merge onto the highway.

00:45:08.000 True, true.

00:45:09.000 I want to be able to function in my automobile, but I don't get a rush out of...

00:45:13.000 Oh, by the way, I did do the NASCAR thing where you drive the cars.

00:45:17.000 Have you ever done that?

00:45:18.000 No.

00:45:19.000 I did it where at first I was a passenger, somebody else drove it, and then I drove one.

00:45:24.000 That was a rush.

00:45:25.000 So maybe I do like the zero to 60 thing.

00:45:28.000 Yeah, you just haven't done it.

00:45:29.000 That was on the track in Las Vegas at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway or whatever it's called.

00:45:33.000 Most people who think they don't like fast cars have never really driven a fast car.

00:45:38.000 I tell you what, it was pretty intense.

00:45:40.000 I was either averaging 135 or top speed 135. I forget.

00:45:45.000 They monitor it.

00:45:46.000 You do like 10 laps or something like that.

00:45:50.000 Are those stick shifts, or is it a paddle shift?

00:45:52.000 It's a stick shift, and I hadn't driven a stick in a while.

00:45:56.000 It was embarrassing because you do the stick to get out of the pits, but then once you get on the track, you're in whatever the most is.

00:46:05.000 It's that the whole time until you go back into the pits.

00:46:09.000 Really?

00:46:09.000 So it's just stick to get in and out of the pits.

00:46:11.000 So how many gears is it?

00:46:12.000 I forget.

00:46:14.000 Three, four.

00:46:15.000 And you take a class before and they show you how to do it.

00:46:19.000 But when I was coming out to start, I was like stalling it.

00:46:23.000 And a guy had to run up next to me and like come in and do the stick shift for me.

00:46:27.000 It was so embarrassing.

00:46:28.000 I'm behind the wheel of a NASCAR car and there's a guy running alongside getting it in the proper gear for me.

00:46:35.000 When was the last time you drove a stick?

00:46:39.000 30 years ago.

00:46:40.000 You know, I had a Datsun 510 years ago and I don't like it.

00:46:45.000 I never got used to it.

00:46:47.000 No?

00:46:47.000 No.

00:46:49.000 You know, people say, well, you drive it for a while and then you get used to it.

00:46:51.000 I never did.

00:46:52.000 I used to hate that angst of being on a hill.

00:46:57.000 You know what I mean?

00:46:58.000 And there's a car too close behind you, and you're like...

00:47:02.000 And so you've got to switch it into the gear, and then...

00:47:06.000 You go back like a foot and a half, and then you're just hauling forward.

00:47:11.000 You just need an e-brake.

00:47:12.000 You just need a handle e-brake, and then you hold onto the e-brake, and then you slowly, gently let it go into gear, and then let go of the e-brake.

00:47:19.000 I didn't know that technique.

00:47:21.000 Yeah, that's the problem with modern cars that are stick shifts.

00:47:24.000 They have buttons for e-brakes, and you don't want that.

00:47:29.000 My brother was driving me one time.

00:47:31.000 I was 15, and he was making a turn on a dangerous intersection, and the brake in the middle...

00:47:40.000 Yeah, the e-brake.

00:47:43.000 I didn't know what it was.

00:47:45.000 Oh.

00:47:45.000 Did you hit it?

00:47:46.000 I did it while he was making the turn.

00:47:49.000 I said, what does this do?

00:47:50.000 And I pushed the button and pulled it up.

00:47:52.000 And that's the only time my brother ever punched me in the arm. 0.99

00:47:55.000 He just goes, what the fuck does the matter with you? 0.99

00:47:59.000 Did you guys go sideways? 0.99

00:48:01.000 Cars were coming.

00:48:02.000 They had to slam on their brakes.

00:48:03.000 He's like, why the hell would you?

00:48:06.000 I didn't know what it was.

00:48:10.000 Well, ask!

00:48:11.000 You don't just pull it up in the middle, you know.

00:48:14.000 That's why you're a comedian.

00:48:16.000 Impulsive.

00:48:16.000 Hey, what do these buttons do?

00:48:21.000 Push them and find out!

00:48:24.000 Yeah, there's people that engineer those into certain cars.

00:48:27.000 Like, you know who Ken Block is?

00:48:30.000 Ken Block is a very famous driver and he has this Mustang called the Hoonigan.

00:48:36.000 It's this crazy 1968, I believe, Mustang that has four-wheel drive and some fucking insane amount of horsepower and there's these incredible videos of him driving these things around and One of the things that he does is when he wants to go sideways,

00:48:52.000 he's shifting gears and he slams the e-brake as he's driving.

00:48:57.000 Like here, you can see it.

00:48:58.000 Give us some volume on this.

00:48:59.000 See that big thing?

00:49:00.000 He's got two things next to him.

00:49:02.000 One of them is a shifter and then the other one is an e-brake.

00:49:07.000 And so as he's driving, I don't know enough about his methods.

00:49:12.000 I would love to talk to him one day.

00:49:14.000 65 Mustang. 1.00

00:49:15.000 It's a fucking crazy car, man. 1.00

00:49:17.000 I mean, it's like straight road warrior. 1.00

00:49:20.000 And is this the Pikes Peak one? 1.00

00:49:22.000 Yeah, I mean this guy's a fucking madman. 1.00

00:49:25.000 I mean a real and a master of the automobile. 1.00

00:49:29.000 And you watch him as he's driving and it is goddamn mesmerizing because he is on the edge the entire time of this video.

00:49:38.000 See that right there?

00:49:39.000 That one on the right-hand side?

00:49:41.000 That's an e-brake.

00:49:42.000 So he's shifting, and then he's going to pop the e-brake, and then he's going to shift forward. 1.00

00:49:48.000 But watch this motherfucker go. 0.99

00:49:50.000 See right here, if I was sitting next to him, I would hit the e-brake right now and go, what does this do? 1.00

00:49:56.000 Well, his shifter is a different kind of shifter.

00:49:59.000 It's what's called a sequential manual gearbox, which means you don't have an H pattern, where you go up, down, and to the right, and down to the right.

00:50:08.000 All right.

00:50:08.000 Instead, you're going up for up gear and down for down gear.

00:50:12.000 So you just punch it forward. 1.00

00:50:13.000 But look at this shit. 1.00

00:50:14.000 He's like on the edge all the time. 1.00

00:50:16.000 See how he keeps hitting the e-brake and then going sideways? 1.00

00:50:20.000 And then he's a fucking madman. 1.00

00:50:22.000 He's a madman. 1.00

00:50:24.000 Look at this. 1.00

00:50:24.000 But the control that he has with this car is just insane. 1.00

00:50:29.000 It's art.

00:50:30.000 Oh, it is an art.

00:50:30.000 You know, he's like an artist with his vehicle.

00:50:32.000 He really is.

00:50:33.000 I mean, especially if you're a person like myself, who's an automobile enthusiast, and you get to watch this guy who's just on the razor's edge of control.

00:50:44.000 I mean, look how he's going around!

00:50:45.000 There's cliffs!

00:50:46.000 There's rocks everywhere! 1.00

00:50:48.000 Fucking trees and shit! 1.00

00:50:49.000 Guardrails! 1.00

00:50:50.000 He's sideways!

00:50:51.000 I mean, and this is not a long...

00:50:53.000 Look at this, a two-lane road! 0.98

00:50:56.000 It's fucking incredible. 0.99

00:50:58.000 But the manipulation of the two things, of the e-brake, where he locks up the back wheels, and then, look at how he's going in between these cones, or these stacks of whatever the fuck they are. 0.99

00:51:09.000 It'd be great if he asked some woman out to dinner, and say, I know a cozy little restaurant at the top of this hill, and then drive her like that to the top. 1.00

00:51:20.000 Well, you'd get two reactions.

00:51:21.000 Do you have your seatbelt on, honey? 1.00

00:51:22.000 You'd get a girl who wants to fuck you immediately, and then you'd get a girl who wants to have you killed. 1.00

00:51:28.000 She never wants to talk to you again, and she can't wait to go home and write a blog about what a piece of shit you are. 1.00

00:51:36.000 See, when I bring a woman to a restaurant at the top, I go, I don't know if you know, but this car goes from zero to 60 in about 10 minutes. 1.00

00:51:43.000 Yeah.

00:51:44.000 She's going to die in an intersection. 1.00

00:51:46.000 She's going to be like, this motherfucker can't, he can't accelerate. 1.00

00:51:48.000 Look at him driving around cities, and this is downtown LA. This is London. 1.00

00:51:52.000 Oh, okay.

00:51:52.000 He's done it in downtown LA, too.

00:51:54.000 He goes into those under bridges and shit, so they close off streets for him to do this. 1.00

00:51:59.000 He's a madman, and that car is fucking beautiful. 1.00

00:52:04.000 It's a crazy car, too, because he widened the stance. 0.99

00:52:07.000 A lot of people hate it, because he took, essentially, which is an amazing classic car from 1965, and they butchered it. 0.95

00:52:15.000 Changed it, put a roll cage in it, stiffened it up, and did all this different shit to it? 0.53

00:52:19.000 I would try it just so they would completely empty all the streets of a major city for me to get where I'm going. 0.88

00:52:26.000 What kind of car do you drive?

00:52:28.000 I just got a new car.

00:52:30.000 Yesterday.

00:52:31.000 Do you know what it is?

00:52:33.000 I think it's written on...

00:52:35.000 Don't they write it on the sign of the car or something?

00:52:38.000 It's 18 Escalade.

00:52:41.000 Oh, those are great.

00:52:42.000 I rent those all the time, but I rented one recently.

00:52:45.000 They're great.

00:52:46.000 I love those things.

00:52:47.000 So I just got that.

00:52:49.000 They're so comfortable.

00:52:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:52:51.000 That's a great goddamn car. 0.99

00:52:52.000 The guy was showing me all the stuff. 0.99

00:52:55.000 And I felt like going, just...

00:52:56.000 Stop.

00:52:57.000 Stop.

00:52:57.000 I don't...

00:52:58.000 Literally, back massage in the...

00:53:03.000 I'm like, I just need the gas...

00:53:06.000 And the brake and the radio.

00:53:08.000 You know what else it does too?

00:53:09.000 And that's kind of it. 0.98

00:53:10.000 If you're about to change lanes and you fuck, if like someone's too close, it'll give you like the... 0.98

00:53:14.000 It'll give you like a vibration. 0.99

00:53:16.000 It'll let you know that like there's something on that side.

00:53:18.000 He said that if you don't have your blinker on, I haven't tried this yet, if you don't have your blinker on and you start to cross the line, it will automatically pull you back.

00:53:28.000 Whereas if you have your blinker on, then the car knows...

00:53:31.000 I don't know if he was just BSing or what, but that's what he told me.

00:53:33.000 What if you have to make a quick maneuver?

00:53:35.000 That's what I said.

00:53:35.000 I said, what if you're trying to get over?

00:53:39.000 You know, the car is going to take over?

00:53:41.000 I think that's quite strange.

00:53:43.000 Yeah, I'm torn because on one hand, I love gadgets and I love technology and I'm fascinated by that.

00:53:50.000 But on the other hand, like, the connection that you have to the actual mechanical feeling of the automobile is very muted.

00:53:58.000 Also, have you heard about, you know, the technology is getting closer to closer to self-driving cars, but now there's the moral component, and they're...

00:54:08.000 Like, if you're not in charge of the car and the car is about to have an accident, a human being has the decision to make a moral choice.

00:54:15.000 If there's a woman with a baby stroller on the right and there's a cliff on the left and you have your family in the back, are you making a left or a right?

00:54:24.000 The human can make a conscious decision.

00:54:27.000 A computerized car Can't make a decision and they actually are trying to figure out how to have the cars make moral decisions In keeping with your own moral decisions, you can gauge it and go,

00:54:43.000 I'm more for my family or I'm more altruistic, et cetera, et cetera.

00:54:48.000 Yeah.

00:54:49.000 So what would a car do?

00:54:50.000 If it's like, well, there's an older guy over here and there's a young woman with a child over here and you have to hit one. 0.91

00:54:59.000 Jesus.

00:55:01.000 How does a computer make that decision?

00:55:02.000 Yeah, it doesn't.

00:55:04.000 Or the decision to...

00:55:06.000 Yeah, the cliff thing is a good one.

00:55:09.000 Like, does it run into the child and the woman?

00:55:12.000 Or does it go off the cliff and kill everyone in the car?

00:55:14.000 Exactly.

00:55:16.000 And it would be different if you're by yourself or if you have your family.

00:55:19.000 Like, I will say my family, but maybe I would go myself if it were a baby.

00:55:24.000 You know what I mean?

00:55:25.000 Yeah.

00:55:26.000 But a human can make that decision in a split second, but a computer, what's it supposed to do?

00:55:30.000 Well, one of the things that's gotten much better that I think is amazing is braking.

00:55:34.000 Like, your car can brake so much faster now.

00:55:37.000 They have amazing brakes now in cars.

00:55:40.000 And as technology gets better and better in that regard, you're going to be able to prevent a lot of collisions.

00:55:46.000 The other thing is that with car-to-car collisions, there's some talk about developing technology That literally has cars repel from each other, sort of like how magnets do.

00:55:57.000 And that if they could figure out a way to make that efficient and effective enough, they could virtually eliminate car accidents with those two things.

00:56:07.000 With automated vehicles, and then with the kind of technology that would force cars to repel from each other.

00:56:15.000 A bunch of repelling magnets.

00:56:17.000 Yeah.

00:56:17.000 Just put repelling magnets on every car so they can't get any closer than five feet from each other.

00:56:24.000 Then the real question is, what if you get close to a dude with a pacemaker and you just fucking ice him?

00:56:29.000 Taking a right turn, this guy just drops right there. 0.95

00:56:32.000 So all the cars are safe, but this guy is giving a massive heart attack.

00:56:36.000 That's the thing with pacemakers, right?

00:56:38.000 Magnets?

00:56:39.000 I think so. 0.65

00:56:40.000 I think magnets can really fuck up pacemakers.

00:56:44.000 Did you see that Christian Bale is going to play Dick Cheney, speaking of pacemakers? 0.57

00:56:49.000 You know, Dick Cheney at one point in time literally is the Antichrist.

00:56:53.000 He had no pulse.

00:56:54.000 He had some kind of crazy heart valve thing where he had some artificial heart in his body that literally was pumping the blood constantly with no heartbeat.

00:57:04.000 So he had no heartbeat.

00:57:06.000 That's strange. 1.00

00:57:07.000 It's terrifying when you think of what an evil fuck that guy is. 1.00

00:57:10.000 Christian Bale looks almost unrecognizable after putting on weight and shaving head for Dick Cheney role. 1.00

00:57:15.000 You know what he looks like?

00:57:16.000 He looks like the guy who designs iPhones.

00:57:19.000 You know that guy, the man who talks like this, the amazing OLED screen.

00:57:23.000 Yeah.

00:57:25.000 Am I wrong?

00:57:26.000 Did you see what Elon Musk said?

00:57:28.000 They're making a big announcement this week.

00:57:30.000 About what?

00:57:31.000 The semi-truck.

00:57:32.000 Oh, they're going to have an automated truck?

00:57:34.000 It's going to blow your mind or blow your head clear out of your skull.

00:57:36.000 Interesting.

00:57:37.000 Into an alternate dimension.

00:57:38.000 Just need to find my portal gun.

00:57:40.000 He's a weird cat, isn't he? 0.99

00:57:42.000 He's got a lot of shit going on. 0.98

00:57:44.000 Talk about guys who do a lot of things. 1.00

00:57:46.000 That Elon Musk character.

00:57:47.000 Forward thinking. 1.00

00:57:48.000 A lot of goddamn irons in the fire. 0.99

00:57:49.000 Isn't he trying to do a manned mission to Mars? 1.00

00:57:53.000 Is that him?

00:57:54.000 Yeah, he wants to do that.

00:57:55.000 Would you go? 1.00

00:57:57.000 Fuck that. 1.00

00:57:58.000 No. 1.00

00:57:59.000 Here's the thing.

00:58:00.000 Space is infinite.

00:58:03.000 Space is infinite.

00:58:04.000 We are literally in the best neighborhood in space.

00:58:07.000 That's the way I look at it.

00:58:08.000 When I'm looking up, getting to Mars is just like you're going to a shitty neighborhood that you can't return from.

00:58:17.000 Well, hopefully you can return from it. 0.58

00:58:18.000 Well, you can't.

00:58:19.000 I mean, that's the plan, is to go there and come back.

00:58:21.000 They're not bringing people there to die there.

00:58:22.000 Yes, they are.

00:58:23.000 They're bringing people there to colonize them. 0.88

00:58:25.000 They're initial people that go to Mars until they figure out some way on Mars to return to Earth.

00:58:31.000 The people that go to Mars the first time are just going to stay there.

00:58:34.000 I did not know that.

00:58:36.000 I thought this was get there, get on a craft, and come back.

00:58:38.000 I do not believe so.

00:58:39.000 As of two years ago when I had a bit about it, it was all about them going there and dying there. 0.95

00:58:46.000 You're gonna die on Mars. 1.00

00:58:47.000 And you're gonna die on Mars with a bunch of other people that are so fucking stupid they're willing to die on Mars with you. 1.00

00:58:53.000 You're still in space. 1.00

00:58:54.000 See, this is the thing.

00:58:55.000 We are in space right now.

00:58:57.000 We are just in an amazing vehicle for space travel.

00:59:01.000 We're on Earth.

00:59:02.000 And we're here in sunny Southern California, where the weather's beautiful, and you got a nice Starbucks here.

00:59:09.000 We're sitting here in this beautiful air-conditioned studio.

00:59:11.000 But we're in space, okay?

00:59:13.000 We're just in the best spot in space. 1.00

00:59:15.000 To go to Mars is just fucking dumb. 1.00

00:59:18.000 It's a dumb idea. 1.00

00:59:19.000 No, no. 0.99

00:59:20.000 We are explorers, and we will always want to know what's on the other side of the mountain.

00:59:25.000 You know what I think it's like?

00:59:26.000 So there's no stopping us.

00:59:28.000 I think it's like one of those guys that creates the very first wingsuit and jumps off a cliff and then breaks both of his legs versus you taking a flight to New Zealand.

00:59:38.000 See?

00:59:39.000 You can take a nice flight to New Zealand, you can have a lovely dinner, catch a nap, watch a movie, land perfectly, the flight attendants are all great. 1.00

00:59:50.000 You're a fucking explorer, okay? 1.00

00:59:52.000 That guy's an asshole with broken legs. 1.00

00:59:54.000 Right, right, right. 1.00

00:59:55.000 That guy that did the wingsuit off of Mount Everest, speaking of YouTube clips, he passed away jumping off some other mountain.

01:00:02.000 That's a wonderful way to put it, that he passed away.

01:00:05.000 He passed away.

01:00:06.000 He downed.

01:00:08.000 I don't know how long ago.

01:00:09.000 Now an adventure athlete dies attempting 22,000 foot wingsuit jump.

01:00:13.000 You know, what's uncomfortable about this to me is one of my very good friends is Andy Stump.

01:00:18.000 And Andy is a world record holder in the wingsuit jump. 0.99

01:00:22.000 He's a fucking bonafide maniac. 1.00

01:00:26.000 Navy SEAL, complete, total psychopath who lives for thrills. 1.00

01:00:32.000 The only thing that's saving Andy is that he's gotten into bow hunting.

01:00:35.000 He's now bow hunting constantly, and that is his new thrill ride.

01:00:39.000 He should put on a wingsuit.

01:00:43.000 Jump off a mountain with the bow.

01:00:46.000 No, you need to be stable.

01:00:47.000 No, you go over and fire at elk as you're zipping down.

01:00:55.000 It's totally unethical, sir.

01:00:58.000 This is terrible advice.

01:00:59.000 Andy had the world record for the longest ever wingsuit jump.

01:01:04.000 Is that him flying over the American flag?

01:01:06.000 Yeah, that was him.

01:01:07.000 This was on his Twitter. 1.00

01:01:08.000 He's a maniac. 0.99

01:01:10.000 Just people that claim, I'm a maniac, man. 1.00

01:01:13.000 This guy's a fucking legit maniac. 0.99

01:01:15.000 So that's obviously off a plane. 1.00

01:01:17.000 You can't get that high. 0.99

01:01:18.000 No, he gets in a plane with an oxygen mask and shit. 0.99

01:01:21.000 He gets so high that he's in the place where there's no air. 0.99

01:01:25.000 You would black out if you just tried to breathe the air.

01:01:27.000 What's the craziest thing that you've done, scary-wise, where you were risking your...

01:01:34.000 There's him right there. 1.00

01:01:35.000 Look at this crazy fuck. 1.00

01:01:36.000 He's got a podcast too, by the way, folks. 1.00

01:01:37.000 It's a very good podcast.

01:01:39.000 It's called Cleared Hot with Andy Stump.

01:01:42.000 He's a very, very interesting, intelligent, articulate guy.

01:01:45.000 So he needs the oxygen because he's so high up.

01:01:48.000 Yeah.

01:01:48.000 I mean, he's not just a maniac.

01:01:49.000 He's a brilliant guy. 1.00

01:01:51.000 But he's a fucking maniac, too. 1.00

01:01:54.000 I haven't done anything like that, man. 1.00

01:01:56.000 I mean, back in my...

01:01:57.000 I guess when I was competing, kickboxing and taekwondo tournaments were probably the scariest thing.

01:02:02.000 Just being in a fight like that.

01:02:04.000 Yeah, fights are scary.

01:02:06.000 Especially the potential to get knocked unconscious.

01:02:09.000 You see a lot of...

01:02:11.000 I mean, I've seen a lot of people get knocked unconscious.

01:02:14.000 In all my days, I've probably seen more people get knocked unconscious than 99.9% of all the people that have ever lived.

01:02:22.000 I think that's an honest statement.

01:02:25.000 Because think about all the fights that I've called.

01:02:27.000 I've called more than a thousand UFC fights.

01:02:31.000 Easily.

01:02:32.000 More than I don't know how many hundreds of events with 10 plus fights on each event.

01:02:38.000 And then on top of that, I've been to so many tournaments.

01:02:42.000 Taekwondo tournaments, kickboxing events, just seeing people get smashed.

01:02:50.000 I've taken people to fights for the first time, and there's a thing that happens when they see a live fight for the first time.

01:03:00.000 You see the look on their face, like they walk out, they're like, Jesus Christ!

01:03:04.000 Like a good buddy of mine, Steve Rinella, who's a hunter, he's got a television show called Meat Eater, and he's a conservationist and outdoorsman, and he's seen a lot of animals die, but him going to see live fights, they have this look on their face like, 0.99

01:03:21.000 holy shit!

01:03:22.000 Like once you see, and you're there close, and you see the impact, and you see guys get knocked unconscious, and you see What happens when someone gets kicked in the head right in front of you? 1.00

01:03:33.000 You're like, holy shit! 0.99

01:03:34.000 I went to one. 0.99

01:03:35.000 You guys were kind enough to invite, went out with Hannibal Buress.

01:03:39.000 Yeah, that was great.

01:03:40.000 Yeah, that was the first time I'd ever seen anything like that.

01:03:43.000 Hannibal loves it.

01:03:44.000 Yeah, and it was pretty intense.

01:03:47.000 Was it weird for you?

01:03:48.000 I thought, he texted me and said, you want to go to the fight tonight?

01:03:55.000 I thought there was a boxing match.

01:03:57.000 Right.

01:03:57.000 Because I live in Vegas, and I thought maybe there's a boxing match.

01:04:00.000 So I Google boxing matches in Las Vegas, and nothing came up.

01:04:04.000 I didn't know what he was talking about.

01:04:06.000 He goes, meet me, what is it, the MGM? Yeah, it was probably the MGM back then.

01:04:09.000 He goes, meet me at the, we'll call at MGM, we'll get our tickets.

01:04:12.000 So I go meet him and he picks up the tickets.

01:04:14.000 He goes, let's go.

01:04:15.000 I thought we were going into a boxing match.

01:04:17.000 We go in the door.

01:04:18.000 That's the first time I saw the octagon ring or whatever that is.

01:04:22.000 The cage.

01:04:22.000 And I'm like, oh, it's this.

01:04:24.000 I didn't even know until I went in there.

01:04:26.000 And then, you know, we had good seats, close enough, and so that was the first time watching it.

01:04:32.000 Yeah, you guys got my seats.

01:04:34.000 You guys were super close.

01:04:35.000 Yeah, it was fantastic.

01:04:35.000 You were right there, so you could see it in a way that it's...

01:04:39.000 There's something about being really close.

01:04:41.000 It's like...

01:04:43.000 That's the way to see it.

01:04:43.000 When you saw it live, for your very first...

01:04:46.000 Have you ever watched it on television?

01:04:48.000 A little bit here and there.

01:04:49.000 I'm not a big fighting guy.

01:04:52.000 Yeah.

01:04:53.000 But live is always better in every entertainment, usually.

01:04:57.000 It is, but there's something great about watching things on television, too.

01:05:02.000 Because you watch things on television, you get the replays, and you get the commentary that explains if things are going wrong or what's happening.

01:05:11.000 Sometimes you're in the dark if you're in the audience.

01:05:12.000 You're like, why are they stopping this?

01:05:14.000 What's going on?

01:05:14.000 Like, you don't really know what's going on.

01:05:16.000 And then, like, the other thing about watching it live is you're looking through the cage, so oftentimes you catch yourself looking up at the big screen anyway, but you're still there, you know?

01:05:26.000 There's a feeling that you get in that, you know, especially now they do them at the T-Mobile arena, which is 20-plus thousand people, and it's just fucking rocking, and it's intense.

01:05:37.000 I was impressed with...

01:05:38.000 I mean, there's the violence aspect of it, but I was impressed with the chess match aspect of it.

01:05:45.000 There's two people, and it's a mind thing as much as it is a physical thing.

01:05:49.000 Oh, 100%.

01:05:49.000 So watching them look at each other and figuring...

01:05:53.000 It's a chess match, if you will, for lack of a better analogy.

01:05:57.000 You know what I mean?

01:05:58.000 So that's part of it as well.

01:05:59.000 I describe it as high-level problem solving with dire physical consequences.

01:06:06.000 Because that's really what it is.

01:06:07.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:06:08.000 I mean, you have this series of techniques that you're allowed to execute, and then you're trying to do them on a skilled fighter.

01:06:16.000 And then if you mess up, if you don't have the discipline to get in the cardiovascular shape that's necessary, if you're not at a camp that has the sufficient technical knowledge and then pays enough attention to you,

01:06:32.000 And someone who really understands how to train fighters.

01:06:35.000 There's so many variables.

01:06:36.000 And it's very hard for someone to find the perfect mix of those variables.

01:06:42.000 Right.

01:06:43.000 And then on top of that, you have to have enthusiasm.

01:06:46.000 Enthusiasm comes and goes.

01:06:47.000 And you see it leave fighters.

01:06:50.000 There's fighters who you see, like, oh, this guy should stop.

01:06:53.000 He's got to stop.

01:06:54.000 I don't think you could do that if you didn't have enthusiasm.

01:06:57.000 You can, though.

01:06:59.000 See, that's where you're wrong.

01:07:00.000 I don't want to.

01:07:00.000 Yeah, no, that's common.

01:07:02.000 This guy's coming at me again.

01:07:03.000 I just don't feel up.

01:07:04.000 I just don't feel up to defending myself.

01:07:06.000 That's not what I mean.

01:07:07.000 What I mean is, like, there's levels of excitement when it comes to the exchanges.

01:07:11.000 And you either are going into it.

01:07:13.000 There's like...

01:07:15.000 You should either do it because it's a fun hobby and you're just trying to experience a very difficult thing and try it out.

01:07:22.000 Or you should do it because you want to be the best in the world.

01:07:25.000 Those are the only two things.

01:07:26.000 If you're just a guy who's going to take some fights, I'm not telling you what to do.

01:07:30.000 Do whatever you want.

01:07:31.000 But in my experience, those are the guys that get hurt.

01:07:34.000 Like, I feel like you should, you should own, because you'll run into someone who's trying to be the best in the world.

01:07:39.000 And the intensity that someone has that wants to be the best in the world and someone who really might, has the potential to actually reach that goal. 0.98

01:07:47.000 Those people are fucking scary. 0.84

01:07:50.000 And you, there's a difference between them and you that it might not just be physical. 0.99

01:07:54.000 It's enthusiasm and it's focus.

01:07:58.000 What if your goal is to be number 500? 1.00

01:08:01.000 You're fucked. 1.00

01:08:02.000 Because you're going to run into 499 and 499 is going to kick you in the face. 1.00

01:08:05.000 Well, just make sure you have a good manager.

01:08:07.000 I don't want to fight anybody that's 499 or higher. 1.00

01:08:11.000 Oh, okay.

01:08:12.000 You know what I mean?

01:08:12.000 You could probably pull it off.

01:08:13.000 But even then, the attitude that would say, I don't want to fight anybody 499 or higher, you would run into someone that even though they're ranked 512, they're still more enthusiastic than you.

01:08:24.000 They want to get to 499. Yeah.

01:08:26.000 Enthusiasm is a big part of it and there's an intangible quality like you could see it happen in fighters and for me When I watch it happen, it's very disconcerting because I remember it actually happening to myself So I recognize it and I see it happen in these guys I'm like oh this guy doesn't want to do this anymore He's got to stop like you got to get out of this because you're just going through the motions and you're hoping it comes out Well,

01:08:48.000 it's not going to right right like you have to it has to be it's got to be more powerful a more powerful force driving you It has to be a singular pursuit.

01:08:56.000 I really don't believe that you can be an elite professional fighter while doing anything else.

01:09:01.000 You can't moonlight.

01:09:02.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:09:04.000 As a fighter. 0.70

01:09:05.000 It's just too fucking hard.

01:09:07.000 I mean, you can have some sort of a day job, like the heavyweight champion of the world is actually a firefighter. 0.86

01:09:12.000 Stipe Miocic, he's actually a legit firefighter, which makes me uncomfortable.

01:09:16.000 I would like him to make enough money that he doesn't have to be a firefighter or do anything else on the side.

01:09:21.000 But he hasn't had the big fights yet.

01:09:23.000 I'm sure he's made good money, but he hasn't had the big, big fights yet.

01:09:27.000 Are there any accountants?

01:09:29.000 I'm sure there's some that try it, get into it.

01:09:34.000 That's pretty...

01:09:35.000 I mean, obviously you love it, you know?

01:09:37.000 It's something that I don't know that much about, but I enjoyed watching it on that evening.

01:09:41.000 It's intense.

01:09:42.000 Yeah.

01:09:43.000 Have you ever seen Bullfighting live?

01:09:45.000 No.

01:09:46.000 I don't agree with bullfighting, but I think I would like to see it live.

01:09:50.000 Just because I think it's going to happen, whether I'm there or not.

01:09:55.000 I feel like that's one of those things that's a leftover cruelty from a past era. 0.95

01:10:02.000 I don't think if someone tried to introduce bullfighting today in North America, there's no fucking way. 0.97

01:10:07.000 Of course not. 0.98

01:10:08.000 Right?

01:10:08.000 But it still exists.

01:10:09.000 You can go watch it right now if you go, I guess, to Spain or some other countries.

01:10:14.000 It bothers me that it doesn't seem fair.

01:10:17.000 The fight isn't fair.

01:10:19.000 It's not fair.

01:10:19.000 You know what I mean?

01:10:21.000 100%.

01:10:21.000 But every now and then, the underdog wins.

01:10:25.000 Right. 0.96

01:10:25.000 Every now and then, that guy gets a horn right through the rectum area. 0.96

01:10:31.000 And then they got to drive to the Las Vegas Hilton? 0.60

01:10:34.000 There's some horrible...

01:10:36.000 You want to talk about videos you can watch online?

01:10:37.000 There are some horrible videos of bullfighting gone wrong.

01:10:41.000 It happens quite often. 0.99

01:10:43.000 Often enough that you could spend hours watching bullfighters get fucked up. 0.99

01:10:48.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:10:49.000 Not for me.

01:10:50.000 There's a new type of bullfighting they do.

01:10:52.000 They call it ethical bullfighting, where they don't actually fight the bull, but they jump over the bull as the bull comes at them.

01:11:00.000 This is a joke.

01:11:01.000 No, no, no, it's not a joke.

01:11:03.000 There's a bunch of guys who are like acrobats, and they stand in front of the bull, and as the bull comes at them, they leap through the air, and they flip over the bull.

01:11:11.000 Wow.

01:11:12.000 And sometimes that goes wrong, too. 0.98

01:11:14.000 Somebody sent me a video, said, you called it, and I watched the video, and I was like, dude trying to flip over the bull, and the bull catches him on the way up and fucking crushes him. 0.94

01:11:24.000 Have you seen on C-SPAN the bull debates? 0.88

01:11:28.000 Where they have two podiums and there's the one person and then the bull is at the other podium and they debate like a controversial issue.

01:11:40.000 What?

01:11:41.000 Yeah.

01:11:41.000 Why would they do that?

01:11:42.000 The bull debates.

01:11:43.000 The humans always win because they have the human brain.

01:11:47.000 Bulls can't talk. 0.89

01:11:47.000 Yeah, the bulls are just standing there. 0.89

01:11:50.000 What is the bull representing?

01:11:52.000 They'll say, global warming, and then the guy will give his opinion, and then they go, and how about you, bull?

01:12:00.000 And it just stands there. 1.00

01:12:03.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 0.99

01:12:05.000 They haven't won one debate yet. 1.00

01:12:07.000 Are you serious?

01:12:08.000 No.

01:12:09.000 I'm so confused the way you're going with this.

01:12:12.000 I was like, what?

01:12:14.000 I'm looking at you while I'm doing this going, I thought this was so clearly absurd.

01:12:19.000 What?

01:12:21.000 It was absurd.

01:12:22.000 Wait, on C-SPAN? Where is this?

01:12:24.000 In this day and age, it's not absurd enough for me to absolutely assume that you're joking around.

01:12:31.000 Jamie, you got a video of those acrobatic bullfights?

01:12:33.000 Put the bull debates on.

01:12:34.000 I don't know why I can't find it.

01:12:35.000 I was looking at ethical bullfighting, bullfighting with no hands, and it's not coming.

01:12:39.000 I remember we just looked it up a couple weeks ago.

01:12:40.000 How about, yeah, bullfighting with acrobats?

01:12:44.000 Bull jumping.

01:12:45.000 Try that.

01:12:46.000 There we go, acrobat bullfight.

01:12:47.000 Yeah, acrobats.

01:12:48.000 It's kind of badass.

01:12:49.000 Because these guys are, it's super impressive what they can do with their bodies anyway, but then you see like a bull coming at them.

01:12:56.000 Check this out. 1.00

01:12:58.000 Fuck that thing is a big animal. 1.00

01:13:02.000 Yeah, he's got no hands there. 1.00

01:13:04.000 Or nothing in his hands.

01:13:05.000 He's just moving.

01:13:06.000 So you're just trying to avoid it.

01:13:07.000 Yeah, but this is a guy just moving.

01:13:09.000 But wait until he flips.

01:13:12.000 Oh, okay.

01:13:13.000 Look at that. 0.99

01:13:14.000 I mean, that is fucking incredible. 0.99

01:13:16.000 Come on. 0.99

01:13:16.000 When we watched, they had their hands in their pockets, even. 0.99

01:13:18.000 Yeah, look at that, though.

01:13:20.000 I mean, that guy bounces and does a giant front line. 1.00

01:13:24.000 That's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

01:13:26.000 But this is kind of cool because, look, it's still fucked up because you have this wild animal or, you know, captive animal, rather. 1.00

01:13:34.000 Yeah, but at least it gets to live. 0.98

01:13:36.000 Yeah, it gets to live.

01:13:37.000 And then people get to watch this craziness.

01:13:39.000 I've seen this with cars.

01:13:41.000 Oh yeah, I saw a guy get hit.

01:13:42.000 People jumping over cars.

01:13:44.000 Somebody sent me an Instagram one of a guy doing that and he got hit by a car.

01:13:47.000 Oh my god, this guy's on his knees. 1.00

01:13:49.000 Oh, he's a crazy asshole. 1.00

01:13:51.000 Are they going to show some bad examples of this? 1.00

01:13:53.000 We can see a few bad examples, if you really want to. 0.97

01:13:56.000 Just look at you, you're a cruelty person.

01:14:00.000 Acrobatic bullfighting goes wrong. 0.68

01:14:02.000 I'm trying to dissuade someone out there who's watching this going, maybe I should do this for a living.

01:14:07.000 Show the downside.

01:14:09.000 Yeah, there's definitely downsides.

01:14:10.000 I watched a video the other day of this guy getting smashed.

01:14:13.000 Is this guy gonna get smashed?

01:14:14.000 I have no idea.

01:14:14.000 I was just looking, I guess.

01:14:16.000 Doesn't seem like...

01:14:17.000 Oh my god, there's like a whole team of these dudes.

01:14:19.000 Look at this.

01:14:20.000 This is a new thing.

01:14:22.000 But I mean, I just found out about this a couple of months ago, and there's fucking a ton of videos and a bunch of events.

01:14:28.000 So this is a... 0.94

01:14:30.000 Bull leapers. 0.92

01:14:31.000 Boy, this is incredible how athletic these guys are.

01:14:34.000 This is even a six-year-old video.

01:14:36.000 What?

01:14:37.000 Yeah.

01:14:37.000 That's amazing.

01:14:38.000 Bull leaping dates back to antiquity, it says.

01:14:41.000 18th century.

01:14:43.000 Oh my god, that guy's amazing.

01:14:45.000 To antiquity.

01:14:46.000 That's old.

01:14:47.000 Yep, for sure. 0.99

01:14:48.000 That guy's fucking amazing. 0.99

01:14:50.000 It's just amazing how good he is at dodging. 0.99

01:14:53.000 Oh, look at how close he gets!

01:14:55.000 The consequences are awful. 1.00

01:14:59.000 That bull wants to fuck you up. 1.00

01:15:01.000 Woo! 1.00

01:15:02.000 Oh, is it a chick?

01:15:03.000 She's gonna get in there, too? 0.95

01:15:04.000 Please don't kill a girl.

01:15:05.000 Yeah, she is.

01:15:06.000 Oh, Jesus, honey.

01:15:08.000 Get out of there.

01:15:09.000 Woo! 0.99

01:15:09.000 Look at her go. 0.99

01:15:10.000 Damn! 1.00

01:15:12.000 That's all they showed of her. 1.00

01:15:13.000 I like how they turned their back, too.

01:15:14.000 Oh, there she is.

01:15:15.000 It's the same clip.

01:15:16.000 Yeah, it was the same clip. 1.00

01:15:18.000 This gal's out of her fucking mind. 1.00

01:15:19.000 They're all out of their fucking mind. 1.00

01:15:21.000 Now you get to wear some cool outfits. 1.00

01:15:23.000 Animals.

01:15:24.000 You gotta be careful with animals, Brian Regan.

01:15:26.000 Do you have pets?

01:15:27.000 No.

01:15:28.000 No?

01:15:28.000 I was thinking of getting fish.

01:15:32.000 But decided against...

01:15:33.000 You know that tanked company that had the...

01:15:35.000 Oh, yeah.

01:15:36.000 The TV show.

01:15:36.000 Yeah.

01:15:37.000 Well, they're based in Las Vegas.

01:15:38.000 Yeah.

01:15:38.000 I don't think the show is on anymore.

01:15:39.000 So I had them come out and they have a wall where I wanted to have some fish.

01:15:45.000 And we did the whole thing.

01:15:46.000 We did the structural stuff.

01:15:48.000 And...

01:15:50.000 I can't.

01:15:50.000 You have to feed fish every day.

01:15:52.000 Oh.

01:15:53.000 I'm not there every day.

01:15:54.000 And I said, well, the only way I can do this is if I have an electronic feeder or whatever.

01:15:57.000 And they said, we can do this.

01:15:58.000 And it just ended up being way too much of a thing.

01:16:01.000 So I'm not going to do it.

01:16:02.000 The real issue with them is you've got to clean the tank, too.

01:16:05.000 I would not do any of that.

01:16:06.000 Yeah.

01:16:06.000 I would have people come by.

01:16:07.000 And then the people are by your house all the time.

01:16:09.000 Exactly.

01:16:09.000 You've got to let them in.

01:16:10.000 They have to come once a week.

01:16:12.000 And it's like, this is too much of a commitment.

01:16:14.000 It is a lot.

01:16:14.000 To have fish that I don't have any, you know, what am I going to look at it every Just go to the aquarium.

01:16:19.000 Well, since you live in Vegas, go to Mandalay Bay and that shark event.

01:16:22.000 Been there.

01:16:22.000 That thing's awesome.

01:16:23.000 Pretty cool.

01:16:24.000 Have you ever been there, Jamie?

01:16:26.000 Been to Mandalay Bay.

01:16:27.000 I actually didn't even see the shark thing when I was there last time. 0.97

01:16:29.000 It's fucking great. 0.94

01:16:30.000 They have this huge, gigantic tank with sharks swimming around in it. 0.98

01:16:35.000 It's been a while since I've been there, but I think you can go underneath them, like they can swim above you, and I might have that wrong.

01:16:41.000 I don't know if that's the case.

01:16:42.000 You can do that some places.

01:16:44.000 I've definitely been there.

01:16:45.000 You can?

01:16:46.000 Yeah, Shark Reef.

01:16:47.000 Yeah.

01:16:47.000 Oh, wow.

01:16:48.000 Look at that.

01:16:48.000 That's incredible.

01:16:49.000 There it is.

01:16:50.000 Yeah.

01:16:50.000 I mean, the amount of effort.

01:16:52.000 We did a Fear Factor in Mandalay Bay, and so they gave us this tour of how this all works, and the amount of resources that are involved in running this fucking thing is crazy. 0.99

01:17:04.000 Do you fish? 0.97

01:17:05.000 Do you ever go fishing?

01:17:08.000 Years ago, I went with a bunch of buddies.

01:17:10.000 We chartered a boat out of Miami and went out and...

01:17:15.000 We were catching nothing and then all of a sudden we hit this school and everyone was going berserk.

01:17:21.000 I mean pulling them in every 30 seconds to a minute, 50-60 fish flopping around.

01:17:27.000 It was amazing.

01:17:29.000 To go from nothing, maybe it's similar to hunting where you just sit there for most of the time and then all of a sudden there's an elk or something.

01:17:36.000 Sometimes, yeah.

01:17:37.000 It was like nothing and then all of a sudden everybody's just on fire.

01:17:41.000 It was pretty intense.

01:17:42.000 I had that happen once in Mexico.

01:17:45.000 We went on a charter boat, and they'll take you to where, I think they were Amberjack? 0.99

01:17:52.000 I think that's what it was.

01:17:54.000 But anyway, there's this, literally like a football-sized, football-field-sized School of these fish fucking up these bait fish and the water just frothy just crazy without like it was amazing and just cast into that Giant football sized field and they would just smash the lure like instantly you just pull and fish as much as quick as you can so as long as this feeding frenzy went on you could pull fish in and And so then we brought those fish back to the hotel that we were staying at.

01:18:23.000 We bring it to the restaurant and they have like this whole thing that they do.

01:18:26.000 You talk to the chef and the chef says, how would you like it prepared?

01:18:30.000 We can make some ceviche.

01:18:31.000 We can bake some fish.

01:18:33.000 We can cook it in a variety of different preparations for you.

01:18:35.000 And so they did that.

01:18:36.000 And so you're eating fish that's like three hours old, four hours old.

01:18:40.000 So we had it for lunch.

01:18:40.000 It was incredible.

01:18:42.000 So good.

01:18:43.000 There's a comedian, Jim Colleton, good friend of mine.

01:18:45.000 He said he was out with buddies of his.

01:18:47.000 I don't know if it's part of his act and if I'm giving him complete credit, but all of his buddies were on a chartered boat and they all caught fish except for one guy.

01:18:56.000 So one of the guys that worked, one of the attendants or whatever, said, I'll take care of this and went to the other side of the boat with snorkel.

01:19:03.000 And jumped on the opposite side of the boat and grabbed the dead fish that had already been caught, went underneath, hooked the dead fish to this guy's line, and started shaking it underneath the boat to make it look like he was catching a fish.

01:19:19.000 And the guy's like, I got one, I got one!

01:19:21.000 And they pulled it up, and they just grabbed it really quickly and just threw it so he couldn't see that it had already been caught and dead.

01:19:27.000 And to this day, the guy thought that he caught a fish.

01:19:30.000 What?

01:19:31.000 Really?

01:19:31.000 Yeah, they faked it on him.

01:19:33.000 Wow, that's elaborate.

01:19:36.000 It must be something that they, for the guy to already know this technique, maybe they do this.

01:19:40.000 Maybe that's a thing where they make you pretend like you're catching fish.

01:19:43.000 How drunk was he?

01:19:44.000 Because that would factor in.

01:19:46.000 I'm sure.

01:19:47.000 A bunch of guys on a boat fishing?

01:19:49.000 Of course they're drunk.

01:19:50.000 Yeah.

01:19:51.000 Anyway.

01:19:52.000 Yeah, fishing drunk is okay.

01:19:55.000 Hunting drunk, not okay.

01:19:57.000 Not okay.

01:19:58.000 Two very different pursuits.

01:19:59.000 I would imagine.

01:20:01.000 Yeah, but even fishing drunk, you've got to be careful. 1.00

01:20:02.000 You get hooked in the ass with a hook in the face, catch you in the head. 1.00

01:20:06.000 I've seen people get their ears hooked. 1.00

01:20:09.000 Yeah.

01:20:10.000 Someone's going to cast and the hook just catches you as you're casting.

01:20:14.000 Woo! 0.99

01:20:15.000 Ouch! 1.00

01:20:17.000 Listen, we don't have to talk about terrible things.

01:20:19.000 Let's talk about good things.

01:20:21.000 So you're in San Diego this weekend and Stockton 209, right?

01:20:26.000 San Diego Friday, two shows.

01:20:30.000 Saturday at the Terrace Theater in Long Beach.

01:20:32.000 Oh, that's a good spot too.

01:20:34.000 Yeah.

01:20:34.000 And then Sunday in Stockton, California.

01:20:37.000 How many weeks a year do you tour?

01:20:40.000 I try to do half the weekends of the year, so 26 weekends a year, and I will do four of those nights, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

01:20:48.000 Oh, wow.

01:20:49.000 So it's about 100 shows. 1.00

01:20:50.000 Damn, you hit it hard. 0.99

01:20:52.000 I love it. 1.00

01:20:53.000 I mean, it's what I do.

01:20:55.000 And how do you write?

01:20:57.000 Do you write and perform in local spots in Vegas?

01:21:02.000 No, I do it in my shows.

01:21:05.000 You know what I mean?

01:21:05.000 I just come up with something and try to bookend it and squeeze it in there.

01:21:09.000 So you squeeze it in there between already established bits and then you let it grow, sort of?

01:21:14.000 Yeah.

01:21:14.000 And, you know, I don't know what my batting average is.

01:21:18.000 Maybe average, you know, in terms of new bits.

01:21:21.000 You know what I mean?

01:21:21.000 Yeah.

01:21:22.000 I mean, some stuff just gets nothing.

01:21:23.000 It's always going to happen.

01:21:25.000 Yeah.

01:21:26.000 That's something that people that have never tried comedy really probably don't understand, is that most of our stuff...

01:21:33.000 It's one of the reasons why plagiarism is so awful.

01:21:36.000 It's because by the time a bit becomes something that actually works, the amount of effort that goes into it to get it to work...

01:21:43.000 You're not just stealing this idea.

01:21:45.000 You're stealing this gigantic process that created this idea.

01:21:49.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:21:49.000 It's definitely frowned upon.

01:21:52.000 In any field, but us being comedians, it's particularly egregious.

01:21:58.000 Well, it's also egregious because there's no recourse.

01:22:01.000 It's sort of as now.

01:22:02.000 You can make YouTube videos and get people angry at the person.

01:22:06.000 But if you have music or literature or anything, movies, it's very clear.

01:22:14.000 Like when someone plagiarizes and people get...

01:22:16.000 Like music, it's a giant issue.

01:22:18.000 Obviously there's been massive, massive lawsuits from people just stealing riffs with completely different lyrics.

01:22:24.000 And they've sued for the entire value of a song just for using samples and using pieces of it.

01:22:31.000 I mean, there's a lot of songs that were gigantic hit songs that the people who wrote the songs wound up making no money because it was deemed that they had stolen chunks or parts of that song from somebody else.

01:22:43.000 I like the fact that they can go after somebody legally, but what if you're wrong?

01:22:50.000 You know, like the Beatles, either the Beatles or one of the Beatles lost a court case about having stolen a song.

01:22:58.000 Oh, yeah?

01:22:59.000 And I don't remember what the song was.

01:23:02.000 But, you know, you can play two songs next to each other and...

01:23:07.000 A jury or whoever's deciding can just say, well, yeah, that's so close it was obviously taken when maybe it wasn't.

01:23:13.000 Right.

01:23:13.000 Yeah.

01:23:14.000 Maybe two people thought of the same thing.

01:23:17.000 That definitely happens in comedy as well.

01:23:19.000 Yes, definitely.

01:23:20.000 For sure.

01:23:21.000 I've had...

01:23:23.000 I had a situation.

01:23:24.000 You remember Dennis Wolfberg?

01:23:25.000 Sure.

01:23:25.000 Dennis Wolfberg used to have a bit years ago.

01:23:28.000 Dennis Wolfberg, wonderful comedian.

01:23:30.000 He's no longer with us. 1.00

01:23:32.000 And he had a thing about how the terms imbecile, idiot, and moron are actual technical, scientific levels of intelligence. 0.99

01:23:42.000 And there's a hierarchy to them. 1.00

01:23:45.000 And so you could call somebody an imbecile And it's a compliment because there's a dumber level or whatever. 0.99

01:23:54.000 So he used to do this whole bit about it. 0.99

01:23:56.000 And then I went out on the...

01:23:58.000 I started at the comic strip in Fort Lauderdale.

01:24:00.000 And then I went out on the road and I thought I had thought of it.

01:24:04.000 You know what I mean?

01:24:05.000 So I was doing a similar bit for not that long.

01:24:10.000 And I had a comedian come up to me.

01:24:12.000 And I'm glad that our comedy community is so tight that this other guy sensed...

01:24:19.000 He said, I just want you to know Dennis Wolfberg has a very similar bit.

01:24:22.000 He goes, I don't know if you know that or not.

01:24:24.000 And I said, you know what?

01:24:26.000 I now remember him doing the bit.

01:24:29.000 I now remember it, and I think that I thought I thought of it, but probably the original inspiration was seeing him do it.

01:24:38.000 And I dropped it like a dime.

01:24:41.000 I was like, that's it.

01:24:43.000 I'm never doing it again.

01:24:44.000 You know what I mean?

01:24:45.000 So there are instances where you can...

01:24:48.000 I'm sure there are outright thieves.

01:24:49.000 We all know about that.

01:24:50.000 But you can also mistakenly come up with something That you think you thought of.

01:24:55.000 So you have to really guard against that.

01:25:00.000 It's a really tricky thing.

01:25:01.000 Yeah, well that's very honest of you.

01:25:03.000 But I think that is the case with a lot of things.

01:25:05.000 I think we're very often inspired by other people's work.

01:25:09.000 Whether we recognize...

01:25:13.000 Whether we recognize it or not.

01:25:15.000 That's the George Harrison thing.

01:25:16.000 George Harrison versus the chiffons. 0.89

01:25:18.000 Yeah.

01:25:18.000 I think, I mean, everybody's influenced in some way, shape, or form by other people's work.

01:25:26.000 There's just no getting around it.

01:25:27.000 It's just a matter of whether or not you made a conscious decision to copy someone.

01:25:42.000 Right.

01:25:45.000 But I think the...

01:25:47.000 Then you have to make the decision where you go, all right, now that it's been brought to my attention, what am I going to do about this?

01:25:52.000 So I'd like to think I made the right decision once it was brought to my attention.

01:25:55.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:25:56.000 Well, you definitely did.

01:25:57.000 You definitely made the right decision.

01:25:59.000 Do you write on a computer?

01:26:02.000 How do you write?

01:26:05.000 Just, no, I think of something.

01:26:07.000 I don't know how that happens.

01:26:09.000 I don't know how people think of things.

01:26:10.000 I don't know how I think of things.

01:26:11.000 And then once I have it, then I apply a little bit of a, all right, how am I going to put this to have a beginning, middle, and an end?

01:26:19.000 Say it out loud a few times.

01:26:21.000 Try it on stage.

01:26:22.000 Tape.

01:26:23.000 And then listen.

01:26:24.000 And then sometimes, I always feel, some of the best writing takes place on stage.

01:26:31.000 I think you can have something too cutesy and clever, like if you write it out.

01:26:36.000 But when you're on stage, there's a piece of you that goes, take this and say this.

01:26:42.000 100%.

01:26:43.000 I completely agree.

01:26:44.000 This is way too wordy.

01:26:46.000 Yeah.

01:26:46.000 And when you're on a legal pad or a computer, you throw a lot of adjectives.

01:26:53.000 I think you can get too conceptual where it's like, When you're on stage, something takes over and says, tighten this right now.

01:27:01.000 Yeah.

01:27:02.000 And you get right to the quick.

01:27:04.000 Yeah, it's a weird art form.

01:27:05.000 I was talking to a friend of mine who's a musician about this, and I was saying the difference is you can come up with an amazing album in the studio, and you can tweak it and go over things, but we kind of have to do it in front of people.

01:27:17.000 Right.

01:27:18.000 I write, but what I write down, just like what you were saying, is a lot of times very different than how you say it in front of people, because once you start doing it in front of a live audience, you just start immediately trimming it and moving things around on it, you know?

01:27:33.000 I think it would be interesting if somebody tried to create a comedy hour, but without ever trying it in front of an audience.

01:27:42.000 Just like, create the hour the best you can, just on the computer or whatever, going, this is a good hour of comedy, and then the first time you ever do it is in front of an audience as the hour.

01:27:54.000 I just wonder how much of a disaster that would be.

01:27:57.000 You know, Carlin used to do that.

01:27:59.000 That's what Carlin used to do.

01:28:01.000 He used to write out his whole special.

01:28:03.000 Like, he used to write a new special every year.

01:28:06.000 And he would write it, and then he would...

01:28:09.000 He had two different ways of writing.

01:28:10.000 He would write it sober, and then he would smoke pot, and then punch it up, and then he would go and bring it to the stage.

01:28:18.000 And essentially, it was almost like a one-man show.

01:28:23.000 So you're saying he would create the hour, try it on stage, but then I'm sure he would tweak it before he was going to make an HBO special or something like that.

01:28:29.000 That wasn't the finished product.

01:28:31.000 I think as time went on, the bits would get better, he would tighten them up, but he essentially never worked his material out and he would abandon all of it every year.

01:28:43.000 He's amazing.

01:28:44.000 He was amazing.

01:28:45.000 That's a crazy way to do it, right?

01:28:49.000 You know, I hear stories like that, and I like to think I'm adequate at what I do, and then you hear something like that, and you go, if you put a bar graph of people talented at something, I'd be like a blip, you know, George Carlin up here.

01:29:02.000 Well, he was an intensely creative guy.

01:29:05.000 He didn't have to do a whole new hour...

01:29:08.000 Every year and do a whole new HBO special every year.

01:29:12.000 But that was his schedule.

01:29:13.000 And I think the rigidity of that, like the discipline of that, is one of the things that kept him so creative and so focused.

01:29:20.000 Yeah.

01:29:23.000 Well, he was a genius.

01:29:24.000 I almost saw his last show. 1.00

01:29:25.000 Damn. 0.99

01:29:27.000 Or one of his last shows. 1.00

01:29:28.000 He was performing in Las Vegas.

01:29:30.000 I was married at the time.

01:29:31.000 And my ex and I were trying to figure out something to do that evening.

01:29:34.000 I said, George Carlin's in town.

01:29:38.000 And there was also a Neil Diamond impersonator.

01:29:41.000 So we saw the Neil Diamond impersonator.

01:29:45.000 No!

01:29:47.000 So my story isn't...

01:29:49.000 I got to see one of George Carlin's last sets as a human being.

01:29:53.000 I get to say, I saw a wonderful Neil Diamond impersonator.

01:29:58.000 Oh, Christ.

01:30:01.000 Jesus Christ.

01:30:02.000 It was a good Neil Diamond impersonator.

01:30:04.000 We come to America today.

01:30:08.000 It was like that.

01:30:09.000 I was really happy to be there.

01:30:12.000 Vegas is one of the few places where you can see a lot of impersonators.

01:30:15.000 There was one hotel in Las Vegas and I saw the signs for all the shows and I realized everybody was a fake something else.

01:30:24.000 There was like the Rat Pack.

01:30:26.000 And there was like a Neil Diamond impersonator.

01:30:28.000 Yeah.

01:30:28.000 And then there was the guy that dresses like all, you know, the women stars and stuff like that.

01:30:32.000 I'm like, none of the actual people are here.

01:30:35.000 These are all impersonators of other famous people.

01:30:39.000 Yeah.

01:30:39.000 So the people can be famous and then people pretending to be those people can also become famous.

01:30:45.000 Yeah, right?

01:30:46.000 Yeah, and they get really good at it.

01:30:48.000 And that was, everybody in that casino was a fake something else.

01:30:52.000 Have you ever seen that Frank Marino guy?

01:30:55.000 That's one of the guys I was talking about.

01:30:57.000 I've never seen his show, but I hear he's really good.

01:30:59.000 Yeah, he's got a whole show where he does famous women. 1.00

01:31:04.000 Yes.

01:31:04.000 Are you allowed to call them drag queens anymore?

01:31:08.000 I'm not going to say that.

01:31:10.000 I'm afraid to say any term about anybody anymore.

01:31:16.000 I don't even know if person is offensive.

01:31:18.000 I don't even like to use the word person because I'm sure somebody out there going, who are you calling a person?

01:31:22.000 Black Diamond.

01:31:23.000 The best Neil Diamond tribute on the planet.

01:31:26.000 It wasn't him.

01:31:28.000 No.

01:31:28.000 I would have remembered.

01:31:29.000 Yeah.

01:31:31.000 Or maybe Black Diamond was so good at it that I didn't realize during the show that he was black.

01:31:38.000 Don't you feel like that this, I mean, as far as like comedy having a bunch of landmines that you could accidentally step on, this seems like the most fraught with peril time ever.

01:31:48.000 Absolutely.

01:31:49.000 What do you make of this?

01:31:51.000 I don't know.

01:31:52.000 I don't know.

01:31:53.000 It's definitely an interesting time, you know, with everything that's been going on.

01:32:02.000 And what's weird about comedy too is that part of what makes it interesting is pushing the envelope.

01:32:10.000 And people need to be willing to cross the line to see what's over there.

01:32:16.000 I don't really do a lot of that kind of comedy, but I like that there are people that do that kind of comedy.

01:32:21.000 But that, in conjunction with a politically correct world, Is a very strange place.

01:32:31.000 Yeah.

01:32:31.000 It's a very strange place and people are looking for someone to step over those lines so they can attack them.

01:32:37.000 Yes.

01:32:38.000 There are forbidden subjects.

01:32:40.000 There's forbidden words.

01:32:42.000 There's forbidden takes on things.

01:32:45.000 I'm in this...

01:32:47.000 It's going to sound like I'm plugging.

01:32:48.000 I'm in this...

01:32:50.000 TV thing that Peter Farrelly is directing called Louder Milk.

01:32:53.000 Why don't you plug it?

01:32:54.000 That's the plug.

01:32:55.000 I'm done with the plug.

01:32:57.000 Louder Milk?

01:32:58.000 Louder Milk. 0.90

01:32:58.000 It's about- The Farrelly brothers from Dumb and Dumber. 0.90

01:33:00.000 Exactly. 1.00

01:33:01.000 Fucking geniuses. 0.99

01:33:02.000 Yes, and I'm honored to be in the show, and I have a tiny little part in the thing, and it's about substance abuse. 0.99

01:33:07.000 Ron Livingston plays the main character, Louder Milk, and it's about substance abuse, but it's done in a very funny way.

01:33:15.000 One of the first reviews that I read, then I read a comment about it and somebody wrote, how dare somebody make fun of substance abuse?

01:33:24.000 There's nothing funny about substance abuse.

01:33:26.000 And it was just some person out on the internet.

01:33:29.000 And it just bothers me that people draw these lines.

01:33:35.000 Like, there's something funny about everything.

01:33:38.000 Everything.

01:33:39.000 Everything that exists.

01:33:40.000 It depends on what you want to say about it and what your point of view is.

01:33:43.000 Every subject is fair game, as far as I'm concerned.

01:33:46.000 You know what I mean?

01:33:47.000 It depends on what your position is.

01:33:49.000 What's your point of view on it?

01:33:50.000 Yeah, the idea that there's subjects that cannot be breached is preposterous.

01:33:54.000 It's crazy.

01:33:55.000 I agree.

01:33:55.000 But I think it's that there's more people that have the ability to complain about things now than ever before because of social media.

01:34:04.000 You can be in your underwear now.

01:34:06.000 The fact that you can be in your underwear and feel like you're a mouthpiece, you're literally at home in your underwear, you know, typing out, ah, I don't like this. 1.00

01:34:14.000 Yeah, but you could write some great shit in your underwear. 0.99

01:34:16.000 Like, I don't care what you're wearing. 1.00

01:34:18.000 I just care what...

01:34:19.000 No, I'm talking about a critic.

01:34:21.000 Right.

01:34:21.000 Anybody, anywhere...

01:34:22.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:34:23.000 Right, right, gotcha.

01:34:23.000 You could be a great critic in your underwear and write a brilliant piece on something.

01:34:28.000 That's true.

01:34:28.000 I don't really care what they're wearing.

01:34:29.000 I see what you're saying.

01:34:32.000 My point is anybody anywhere can have an opinion about anything at any time.

01:34:36.000 Yeah.

01:34:36.000 And in a way, that's good.

01:34:39.000 But in a way, you're going to get some underqualified opinions.

01:34:43.000 You're definitely going to get that.

01:34:44.000 You're going to get a lot of opinions from people that you would never choose to talk to in real life.

01:34:49.000 You would weed them out.

01:34:52.000 But you can't weed them out online because everyone's just text.

01:34:55.000 And comedy is weird because everybody...

01:34:59.000 Everybody has what their sense of humor is.

01:35:03.000 And so everybody thinks that...

01:35:06.000 I've always been amazed that people think that their sense of humor is the correct one.

01:35:11.000 When people make these absolute statements going, he's funny.

01:35:16.000 She's not funny.

01:35:17.000 She is funny.

01:35:18.000 He's not funny.

01:35:20.000 Well, who made you the comedy barometer?

01:35:24.000 You know what I mean?

01:35:25.000 Whereas other art forms...

01:35:28.000 Most people are wise enough to go, like, if somebody that goes to a ballet and doesn't like it You know, at least you're wise enough to go, I don't appreciate the ballet. 0.99

01:35:39.000 You don't walk out going, that ballerina sucks! 1.00

01:35:42.000 There's got to be some critical ballerina critics. 0.99

01:35:46.000 I'm sure, but just because you don't like something doesn't mean it wasn't good.

01:35:50.000 Right, but it's not good to you.

01:35:51.000 I mean, that's the case with music.

01:35:53.000 But isn't that with everything, right?

01:35:54.000 Music, movies, there's a lot of things that people love.

01:35:57.000 It's fair if you qualify it that way.

01:35:59.000 If you say, I don't find that person funny, okay.

01:36:02.000 But to make the blanket statement that he's not funny is not up to you to say.

01:36:10.000 Comedy's a weird thing too in that it's one term that applies to a bunch of different styles.

01:36:16.000 Right.

01:36:16.000 Whereas music, you can go to see country western music, you can see rap, rock and roll.

01:36:21.000 There's all these different genres.

01:36:23.000 Right.

01:36:23.000 Comedy's not like that.

01:36:24.000 It's just, is it funny or is it not?

01:36:26.000 That's why it was always weird when comedy clubs started exploding around the country and there would be this building that said Comedy Club on it.

01:36:35.000 Yeah!

01:36:36.000 In Pittsburgh or Des Moines.

01:36:39.000 And music, like you say, is subdivided.

01:36:42.000 You don't just go to a music club.

01:36:45.000 Hey, there's the music club.

01:36:47.000 You want to go hear music?

01:36:48.000 Well, everybody likes music, but not everybody likes the same kind of music.

01:36:53.000 Comedy...

01:36:54.000 Is not subdivided, not that I'm saying that it should be, but to just go into a room that says comedy on it and think that you are automatically going to be entertained is kind of ludicrous.

01:37:05.000 Yeah, but it's hard, though, if you don't know who the comics are, right?

01:37:09.000 It's like you don't know what their take on things is going to be, and that's one of the things about a nice local club.

01:37:14.000 Say if you live in Nashville and you go to Zaney's, like, oh, I never heard of this guy, but he's been on Comedy Central.

01:37:19.000 Let's take a chance.

01:37:20.000 You literally have no idea what this person's take is.

01:37:23.000 Right.

01:37:24.000 It's great that you can go to a place like that or you can go to the improv in Hollywood and you'll see like 10 different comedians one night or the comedy store or where have you.

01:37:32.000 But you don't know what you're going to get.

01:37:37.000 Correct.

01:37:37.000 Which I think would be part of the fun.

01:37:40.000 Right.

01:37:40.000 For sure.

01:37:41.000 But for some people who like Yeah.

01:37:44.000 You know, want to draw a line and go, well, that person's not funny, so therefore I didn't have a good time.

01:37:48.000 It's like, well, you took a chance.

01:37:50.000 One of the great parts about something like the Comedy Store, where you get a new person every 15 minutes.

01:37:54.000 You know, he's constantly new people.

01:37:56.000 You know?

01:37:57.000 What are you writing over there, Jamie?

01:38:00.000 You're writing emails?

01:38:01.000 People always hit me up during the show.

01:38:04.000 Oh.

01:38:06.000 What...

01:38:06.000 Like, when you see comedy today, do you think that you would have...

01:38:12.000 When you think about when you first started, do you think you would feel the same way about stand-up if you had to start out today, seeing how it's all fraught with peril?

01:38:20.000 Do you think you would have jumped in anyway?

01:38:22.000 I don't know.

01:38:23.000 It feels different, right?

01:38:25.000 It does.

01:38:25.000 And there were a lot fewer people doing it when I started.

01:38:32.000 And to me it was just this internal quest that came from within myself that I want to do this.

01:38:37.000 And comedy evolves and now there is a lot of autobiographical kind of comedy and a lot of people really going into their heart and soul and talking about how they feel and stuff like that.

01:38:48.000 And I love all comedy.

01:38:51.000 But my comedy kind of comes from a different perspective.

01:38:53.000 It's more observational.

01:38:56.000 So I don't know if I were to watch all of the comedy now, if I would go, I want to jump into that pool.

01:39:02.000 I'd like to think I would, but I don't know.

01:39:04.000 Well, I love your comedy. 0.96

01:39:06.000 Your comedy is very observational and very silly. 0.51

01:39:08.000 But I always wonder, like, I wonder...

01:39:12.000 Today, it seems like there's way more uncensored comedy than there was when you started out.

01:39:18.000 Your comedy's also... 0.96

01:39:19.000 You're one of the rare guys where you're fucking hilarious. 0.95

01:39:21.000 Anybody can go see you. 0.98

01:39:23.000 Anybody.

01:39:24.000 You can bring children, old people, young people, in the middle, anybody.

01:39:29.000 I mean, your comedy reaches...

01:39:31.000 You're probably, in my opinion, the most hilarious guy that reaches the widest audience.

01:39:36.000 I appreciate that.

01:39:37.000 It's an amazing thing that you've figured out how to do.

01:39:39.000 You just figured out how to...

01:39:41.000 Hit this middle, like, this area where you could really bring anybody to your show.

01:39:49.000 But everybody that I know really thinks you're a very funny comedian.

01:39:54.000 Like, it's very unusual.

01:39:56.000 Like, a lot of times when a guy's like squeaky clean, like, ah, that's not for me.

01:40:00.000 But everybody thinks you're funny.

01:40:02.000 So it's a weird thing.

01:40:03.000 I'm very honored by that, truly.

01:40:05.000 It means the world to me.

01:40:07.000 I mean, I love making audiences laugh, obviously.

01:40:10.000 But to have comedians like what I do, for you to say nice things like that, other comedians, you know, it's a tremendous honor.

01:40:18.000 But it's a real...

01:40:19.000 It's a feat.

01:40:23.000 And Gaffigan's done it, too. 0.53

01:40:25.000 Gaffigan's another guy who's just goddamn hilarious, but squeaky clean. 0.61

01:40:29.000 Anybody can go see him. 0.90

01:40:30.000 And it's very admirable in a lot of ways.

01:40:32.000 It's not a lot of guys like you guys anymore.

01:40:35.000 It seems like people are either squeaky clean or they're really dirty and they don't necessarily appeal to people who like both.

01:40:42.000 I obviously like very dirty comedy.

01:40:43.000 I love extreme uncensored comedy, but I also love your comedy.

01:40:48.000 Thank you.

01:40:48.000 I feel the same way.

01:40:50.000 What's weird for me is if somebody comes up to me after a show and say, hey, I like your show.

01:40:59.000 So, great.

01:41:00.000 Thank you.

01:41:01.000 But then they want to lean in and go, I'm glad you're not like...

01:41:05.000 Like them.

01:41:06.000 You know it's an us against them And I feel like saying, I like them.

01:41:14.000 I like what they do, too, and I like what I do.

01:41:18.000 It's the old...

01:41:19.000 Remember when stovetop stuffing came out?

01:41:23.000 Stovetop stuffing, and the ad was, wouldn't you rather have stuffing instead of potatoes?

01:41:28.000 And as a kid, I used to think, I want stuffing as well as potatoes.

01:41:33.000 I don't want...

01:41:35.000 One over the other.

01:41:36.000 I want both of them.

01:41:37.000 So why can't both kinds of comedy exist and be valid?

01:41:41.000 Instead of...

01:41:42.000 I wish they'd stop doing that.

01:41:44.000 Well, there was a bunch of comics like Bill Cosby.

01:41:46.000 Bill Cosby was always saying that the comedians that did dirty comedy, that there's something wrong with them.

01:41:51.000 He was one of the big ones that was pushing against it.

01:41:54.000 See, I don't feel that way.

01:41:57.000 But I will say that I think there are at least some comics who work blue...

01:42:08.000 I would hope that it's a truthful, organic message that you want to give as the comedian.

01:42:13.000 And if it happens to be dirty, if it happens to be raunchy, great. 0.99

01:42:17.000 But if you're on stage going, I know if I say fuck, they'll laugh. 1.00

01:42:23.000 Then it gets to button pushing. 1.00

01:42:25.000 Yeah.

01:42:25.000 And I find that to be a little, like, less interesting to me.

01:42:29.000 Of course.

01:42:29.000 Yeah.

01:42:30.000 It's all about whether or not it's really authentically that person's interpretation of life.

01:42:35.000 You know, and some people, like whether it's Joey Diaz or something like that, it's just a very uncensored person.

01:42:40.000 Like, talking to him offstage, talking to him onstage...

01:42:45.000 Pretty similar same guy as far as how he views the world.

01:42:49.000 He's just figured out a way to turn that into an art form.

01:42:51.000 And you're right, there's other people that are...

01:42:53.000 It's almost like they could have been a plumber, but instead they decided to be a comic.

01:42:59.000 So like, hmm, how do I make this work?

01:43:02.000 You know what I mean?

01:43:03.000 There's nothing wrong with being a plumber, but what I'm saying is that what they're doing is manufactured and sort of just artificial.

01:43:12.000 Yeah.

01:43:13.000 It's putting the audience first.

01:43:14.000 What will they laugh at?

01:43:16.000 Oh, I see that they'll laugh if you talk about this, that, and the other, so therefore I will talk about this, that, and the other, instead of it coming from inside you.

01:43:23.000 You mentioned earlier about me figuring out a way to reach a wide audience, which I appreciate the kind words, but I never went that route.

01:43:35.000 I just want to do what I think is good, and wherever it lands, it lands, and the fact that Okay, maybe a 10-year-old kid can get into it, and maybe a 78-year-old woman can get into it.

01:43:50.000 Great, but that's not something...

01:43:52.000 I don't try to figure that out.

01:43:54.000 I didn't go, well, what can I do to get this wide range?

01:43:57.000 I just do what I do, and whatever happens, happens.

01:44:00.000 And I'm just fortunate that it ended that way.

01:44:03.000 Yeah, well, you can tell that when you're on stage, too.

01:44:06.000 Aren't you getting ready to do another special?

01:44:09.000 I just did a special that's going to air November 21st.

01:44:14.000 It's called Oh Jesus.

01:44:16.000 What's it airing on?

01:44:17.000 Netflix.

01:44:18.000 Oh, awesome, man.

01:44:20.000 I'm doing two specials for Netflix.

01:44:22.000 The first one comes out November 21st, and then I'll be doing another one in 2019. Oh, wow.

01:44:27.000 You plan it that far ahead?

01:44:29.000 Yeah.

01:44:30.000 Wow, that's kind of cool.

01:44:31.000 But I already have to, like, move away from the material I've already shot.

01:44:34.000 You know what I mean?

01:44:35.000 Right.

01:44:35.000 It's hard to do it.

01:44:35.000 Look at that.

01:44:36.000 Hey! 0.99

01:44:36.000 Look at you. 0.99

01:44:37.000 That's me.

01:44:38.000 Why you got two mics?

01:44:39.000 No, those are nunchucks.

01:44:41.000 Oh.

01:44:42.000 The name of the special is Nunchucks and Flamethrowers.

01:44:47.000 What a bizarre name for a special.

01:44:48.000 Yes.

01:44:49.000 Why?

01:44:49.000 It's a punchline from one of the jokes, and it's too long of a joke to try to get into, but...

01:44:54.000 Where'd you record that?

01:44:56.000 At the Paramount Theater in Denver, Colorado.

01:44:58.000 Oh, man.

01:44:59.000 That's awesome.

01:45:00.000 That's where Tom Segura just recorded his special.

01:45:03.000 Same theater?

01:45:04.000 Yeah.

01:45:04.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:45:05.000 It's a great theater.

01:45:06.000 I think.

01:45:06.000 I'm pretty sure.

01:45:07.000 I love the crowds in Denver. 1.00

01:45:08.000 No, Denver's the shit. 1.00

01:45:09.000 I'm there Friday night. 1.00

01:45:10.000 I'm at the Belco.

01:45:12.000 Oh.

01:45:12.000 Yeah.

01:45:13.000 Cool, cool, cool.

01:45:13.000 I love Denver.

01:45:14.000 Yeah.

01:45:15.000 Two shows, by the way.

01:45:17.000 Second show's almost sold out.

01:45:18.000 Don't sleep.

01:45:21.000 Then I'm doing Phoenix on Saturday, the Comerica.

01:45:24.000 You ever done that place?

01:45:25.000 Yes.

01:45:26.000 Yeah, it's big.

01:45:28.000 Yeah.

01:45:28.000 Big and fun.

01:45:29.000 Yeah, it should be good times.

01:45:30.000 Good times.

01:45:31.000 I haven't seen you perform in a while.

01:45:33.000 I want to come see your show.

01:45:35.000 What are you doing tonight?

01:45:37.000 Where are you performing tonight?

01:45:39.000 Comedy store.

01:45:40.000 Maybe. 1.00

01:45:41.000 Come on down, fucker. 1.00

01:45:42.000 Let's have a cocktail, an adult beverage. 1.00

01:45:45.000 How's it work?

01:45:45.000 It's not October, is it?

01:45:47.000 No, it's not.

01:45:48.000 We're deep in November.

01:45:50.000 I had a couple of shots last night.

01:45:52.000 It is November the 15th, sir.

01:45:54.000 We are golden.

01:45:55.000 Are you there tomorrow night?

01:45:56.000 No.

01:45:56.000 No, tomorrow night I'm not.

01:45:58.000 Because we were thinking of maybe going over there tomorrow night.

01:46:00.000 Oh.

01:46:01.000 Maybe.

01:46:02.000 I will definitely consider it.

01:46:04.000 Either way.

01:46:04.000 We'll do it some other time.

01:46:05.000 And if not tonight, then soon.

01:46:07.000 Definitely.

01:46:08.000 All right, my brother.

01:46:09.000 Well, thank you for coming, man.

01:46:10.000 Joe, thank you.

01:46:11.000 My pleasure.

01:46:12.000 And November 21st, Netflix?

01:46:14.000 Yes.

01:46:15.000 And I'm sure it's going to be awesome.

01:46:16.000 And then this weekend, Santa Barbara.

01:46:20.000 No, San Diego.

01:46:21.000 San Diego.

01:46:22.000 Friday.

01:46:22.000 Stockton.

01:46:23.000 Stockton Sunday.

01:46:24.000 And then in between the two, Long Beach on Saturday.

01:46:27.000 Beautiful.

01:46:28.000 Thanks, brother.

01:46:28.000 Appreciate it.

01:46:29.000 Thank you, Joe.

01:46:29.000 Brian Regan, ladies and gentlemen.

01:46:30.000 Woo! 0.99

The Joe Rogan Experience - November 15, 2017

Joe Rogan Experience #1040 - Brian Regan

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript