The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #106 - Steve Rannazzisi

00:00:03.000 Recording...

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00:00:15.000 Steve, do you have one?

00:00:16.000 No, I don't have one.

00:00:17.000 I'm going to give you one.

00:00:18.000 Can you have one, or do you have to hide that?

00:00:20.000 No, that's best case scenario.

00:00:23.000 Steve Rennes is in the house. 1.00

00:00:25.000 Buckle up, bitches. 1.00

00:00:26.000 Here we go. 1.00

00:00:31.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:32.000 Ladies and gentlemen, live May 10th, Tuesday, 2011.

00:00:49.000 A year and several months before the end of time, Steve Renazzisi has joined us.

00:00:56.000 Thank God I got here now.

00:00:57.000 Does it feel like it, man?

00:00:58.000 I wouldn't want to be booked after the end of time.

00:01:00.000 Yeah, you don't want that, man. 0.99

00:01:01.000 You've seen the Mississippi shit? 1.00

00:01:03.000 It's crazy, man. 1.00

00:01:04.000 Fucking people. 1.00

00:01:05.000 Mother Nature is not fucking around. 1.00

00:01:08.000 The Mississippi River is like three miles past where it's supposed to be. 0.97

00:01:12.000 So many houses are flooded. 0.99

00:01:13.000 So many people are fucked. 1.00

00:01:14.000 It's in Mississippi. 1.00

00:01:15.000 It's not supposed to be in the city of Mississippi in the fucking water. 0.99

00:01:18.000 It's in Memphis. 0.99

00:01:19.000 Did they have rain for a while?

00:01:20.000 Is that what happened?

00:01:21.000 Oh, yeah.

00:01:21.000 They had rain.

00:01:23.000 There's also, they were blowing down, the Army Corps of Engineers was blowing down levees.

00:01:28.000 The levees on purpose.

00:01:29.000 Yeah, to flood farmlands weeks ago because they were worried about this happening.

00:01:33.000 Wow. 1.00

00:01:33.000 Yeah, it's fucking serious shit. 1.00

00:01:35.000 Essentially, they were picking and choosing which places they were like, alright, you guys will be alright. 1.00

00:01:39.000 We'll help you out.

00:01:40.000 We're going to blow down the levees over here so the water would rush out so it wasn't going towards heavy populated levees.

00:01:46.000 Residential areas.

00:01:47.000 Wow, it's crests in Memphis now.

00:01:49.000 Wow, residents are being evacuated in the city of Memphis.

00:01:52.000 Yeah, it's in the city.

00:01:54.000 God.

00:01:54.000 That's insane.

00:01:57.000 The river crested at 48 feet, falling short of its all-time record, but still soaking low-lying areas with enough water to require a massive cleanup. 1.00

00:02:05.000 They're fucked. 0.99

00:02:06.000 Yep. 1.00

00:02:06.000 The crazy thing about something like that, too, is there's nothing you can do. 1.00

00:02:10.000 With all that water coming in, what are you going to do?

00:02:12.000 Are you going to build a new dam?

00:02:13.000 And where's the water going to go when you dam it up?

00:02:15.000 Where's it going to go?

00:02:16.000 You got a lake ready?

00:02:17.000 Did you build that, too? 1.00

00:02:18.000 You can't do shit, man. 1.00

00:02:19.000 No. 1.00

00:02:19.000 You just have to let it dry. 1.00

00:02:22.000 Hope it doesn't rain again.

00:02:23.000 Our little baby existence is so fragile, and we set up these camps next to these natural things like rivers and oceans, and we just assume that, well, it's been this way for a year.

00:02:32.000 It's going to be this way next year, and it's a good spot to build a house.

00:02:35.000 I don't know.

00:02:35.000 I'm not that smart.

00:02:37.000 But do you think, like, when we were in the wilderness, right, and floods happened, they probably just didn't go as close next time, right?

00:02:43.000 They probably were like, all right, this is where the water came last time.

00:02:47.000 Let's move back a little bit.

00:02:48.000 Well, the bottom line is...

00:02:50.000 Why are they building still?

00:02:51.000 The whole idea of living in one place is only a few thousand years old.

00:02:56.000 Just a few thousand years ago, we were nomadic.

00:02:59.000 And what we would do is move where the animals went. 0.99

00:03:01.000 We'd move where the animals went, and then some asshole figured out seeds. 1.00

00:03:04.000 And that's what fucked everything up. 0.99

00:03:05.000 Once they could just get food right where they wanted to be.

00:03:08.000 I say it fucked everything up, but it made everything awesome, really. 1.00

00:03:10.000 Who the fuck wants to follow around undulate herds of animals through the fucking savannah? 1.00

00:03:15.000 You know, that would suck. 1.00

00:03:16.000 Joe, I can't do your podcast because my family's leaving after a pack of buffaloes later on. 0.96

00:03:21.000 I'm going hunting with Ricky Schroeder, and that's one of the options, to shoot a buffalo.

00:03:26.000 Really? 0.89

00:03:26.000 I'm trying to decide whether or not I want to kill a buffalo. 0.89

00:03:28.000 I'm killing a boar, for sure. 0.98

00:03:30.000 With what? 1.00

00:03:30.000 A gun, I assume? 1.00

00:03:31.000 Rifle, yeah.

00:03:32.000 I eat meat, you know, and I understand if you're an animal lover, but look, it's way more cruel to see an animal go through this whole system of factory farming and getting hung by their ankles and get their neck cut and they kick and spasm. 0.99

00:03:46.000 Some of the shit that you see in these videos, man, these animals have lived shit lives forever. 0.97

00:03:50.000 I don't know how much of those videos is just one isolated terrible incident in one terrible place where they don't follow the rules or if it's widespread. 1.00

00:03:59.000 You know, it's it's real difficult because neither side wants to be totally honest about how fucked up the the whole raising animals thing is. 0.96

00:04:06.000 But it's bad. 0.98

00:04:07.000 Either way, it's bad.

00:04:08.000 And I'm trying to do my best to not eat anything.

00:04:11.000 That's I try.

00:04:12.000 I'm trying to stop eating burgers.

00:04:14.000 I'm trying to stop eating anything that I think is possibly factory farmed. 0.99

00:04:19.000 You can get plenty of organic meat at Whole Foods and shit like that. 0.97

00:04:22.000 Where you know they're grass fed and they're just wandering around. 0.99

00:04:26.000 It's a better experience for the animal.

00:04:29.000 I just think that the best way to do it is definitely hunting.

00:04:33.000 And I've never done it. 0.98

00:04:34.000 And everybody who does it says it's this crazy fucking primal thrill. 0.98

00:04:37.000 My brother-in-law kills a deer right around Christmas. 0.99

00:04:41.000 He goes with his buddies every year. 0.89

00:04:42.000 And then he kills it and cuts it up. 0.96

00:04:45.000 And he keeps meat. 0.97

00:04:45.000 It's a big meat locker. 0.97

00:04:46.000 And he eats venison all winter long.

00:04:48.000 He's like, every year when the spring comes, I'm done with the deer.

00:04:50.000 I get one in the fall. 0.98

00:04:51.000 Yeah, if you shoot one venison, you know, one deer, rather, that venison can last you for fucking ten months. 0.97

00:04:57.000 Yeah, pack it up, freeze it, keep it in the freezer, you're good to go. 0.72

00:04:59.000 You know how long a buffalo will last you?

00:05:01.000 If I shoot this buffalo, I would have to give some of it away, because I think some of it you can't really even freeze long enough.

00:05:06.000 Yeah, because you can't freeze, like, meat for more than six months, I don't think.

00:05:10.000 No.

00:05:10.000 Right?

00:05:11.000 Isn't there a certain amount of time?

00:05:12.000 Yeah.

00:05:13.000 There's a certain amount of time.

00:05:15.000 I don't know.

00:05:15.000 I eat chicken.

00:05:16.000 I'm like, how old is this?

00:05:17.000 Who cares?

00:05:18.000 It's frozen.

00:05:19.000 It's a big piece of ice.

00:05:21.000 Those random Ralph's packages you see in the back of your freezer.

00:05:24.000 At a refrigerator or in your freezer?

00:05:26.000 In my freezer.

00:05:27.000 In my freezer.

00:05:27.000 You know I'm talking about those bags of chicken for $12.

00:05:31.000 I used to do that.

00:05:31.000 I don't anymore, but I know exactly.

00:05:34.000 I've done it.

00:05:34.000 Where you're like...

00:05:35.000 I don't know.

00:05:36.000 The expiration date's scratched off. 1.00

00:05:39.000 You're like, ah, fuck it. 1.00

00:05:40.000 You know what's supposed to be really bad? 1.00

00:05:41.000 When you freeze something, and then you thaw it out, and then you re-freeze it.

00:05:45.000 Yeah.

00:05:45.000 Once you've thaw it out, you've got to eat it.

00:05:47.000 Why is that?

00:05:48.000 Because I think... 0.98

00:05:49.000 I don't fucking know. 0.97

00:05:51.000 We should find that out. 0.99

00:05:52.000 You shouldn't give food hope.

00:05:54.000 Maybe it's like the nutrients can only come out once. 0.99

00:05:58.000 I'm thinking halfway through that, I was like, fuck, that doesn't sound good. 0.98

00:06:02.000 The nutrients can come out once. 0.99

00:06:03.000 I didn't know that.

00:06:04.000 Here's the straight dope.

00:06:05.000 Why is refreezing food bad? 0.98

00:06:07.000 If you ever have a question, you can go to the goddamn internet if it'll load up. 0.95

00:06:12.000 I didn't know certain things went bad like Campbell's soup or spaghetti sauce. 0.95

00:06:17.000 Don't they tell you to keep that stuff in panic rooms?

00:06:20.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

00:06:21.000 I was looking at, I think it was soup the other day, or maybe it was pasta sauce in a glass container that's been in the cupboard.

00:06:29.000 But it said there was actually an expiration date on it.

00:06:32.000 I'm like, wait a second. 0.99

00:06:33.000 I didn't think shit like canned Campbell's soup. 0.99

00:06:36.000 Goddammit, did I really? 0.99

00:06:38.000 Maybe for legal reasons.

00:06:40.000 Maybe for legal reasons.

00:06:41.000 They have to in case you get sick or something like that.

00:06:43.000 Yeah.

00:06:43.000 That'd be...

00:06:44.000 I don't know.

00:06:45.000 Let's see who's calling.

00:06:46.000 That'd be great.

00:06:47.000 That doesn't say.

00:06:48.000 Um...

00:06:50.000 So, uh...

00:06:50.000 I've never killed...

00:06:51.000 I've never shot a gun.

00:06:53.000 Never?

00:06:53.000 Never.

00:06:53.000 Oh, now that I recommend.

00:06:55.000 It's kind of scary, though.

00:06:56.000 I'm scared...

00:06:56.000 Here's how...

00:06:57.000 Why I'm scared about that.

00:06:58.000 Right.

00:06:58.000 I'm scared I'm gonna get addicted to it.

00:07:00.000 I'm gonna enjoy it a lot, and then I'm gonna buy a gun.

00:07:02.000 Yeah, but why are you scared about that?

00:07:04.000 Well, I don't know.

00:07:05.000 It's not me...

00:07:07.000 It's that I just feel like...

00:07:09.000 If you have a gun in your house, something will happen.

00:07:11.000 If I don't have a gun in my house, I'm probably never going to get shot with a gun in my house.

00:07:16.000 What are you talking about?

00:07:17.000 Absolutely. 1.00

00:07:17.000 That's a ridiculous way of thinking. 1.00

00:07:19.000 Get a fucking gun. 1.00

00:07:20.000 Better to have one and not need it than to need it and not have it. 1.00

00:07:22.000 Period.

00:07:22.000 I was saying I've never shot a gun in my life.

00:07:24.000 It's easy.

00:07:24.000 You pull the trigger, boom, thing goes off.

00:07:26.000 But then I'm afraid that I'm going to get addicted to doing it. 0.90

00:07:28.000 You're not retarded. 1.00

00:07:30.000 I know. 1.00

00:07:30.000 Dude, you would be out there sucking dicks for crack money if you had that kind of a brain. 1.00

00:07:36.000 Just get a fucking gun. 1.00

00:07:37.000 I was scared to have one when I used to do a lot of drugs and drink a lot because I thought I'd be emotional and I'd be tripping and I'd pull my gun out not thinking and then I'd do something stupid. 1.00

00:07:46.000 But now I don't really...

00:07:47.000 I still do that.

00:07:48.000 It's a control issue.

00:07:49.000 If you're worried about your own ability to control yourself, then yeah. 1.00

00:07:53.000 There's a lot of hot-headed motherfuckers that shouldn't have a gun. 1.00

00:07:55.000 A lot of people have pulled the trigger and then realized what they've done afterwards and their whole life is ruined. 1.00

00:07:59.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:08:00.000 You're not that guy.

00:08:01.000 I'm not that guy, though.

00:08:01.000 You're not that guy.

00:08:02.000 You would have already had a bunch of, I'm not that guy, you're not that guy.

00:08:04.000 You already have a bunch of self-control issues.

00:08:07.000 This is how I put, I think, in my brain. 0.99

00:08:08.000 I say, if someone broke into my house with my family there, whether or not I have a gun, I'm going to want to kill them. 0.99

00:08:15.000 If I don't have a gun, I'm going to try. 1.00

00:08:16.000 If they're attacking my family, I'm going to try to find something to kill them. 0.99

00:08:20.000 Having a gun will probably make that a lot easier. 0.99

00:08:23.000 I'm going to probably try anyway, so having a gun...

00:08:26.000 Shotgun.

00:08:27.000 Get a shotgun, that's the move.

00:08:28.000 Or just start collecting Lord of the Rings swords.

00:08:31.000 That's not good enough, man. 0.99

00:08:33.000 You think you can kill a guy with a sword?

00:08:35.000 I have a samurai sword that's at my house right now, and I've been... 0.97

00:08:38.000 You've been practicing?

00:08:39.000 You ready? 1.00

00:08:40.000 I'm ready to do some fucking, whatever, Quentin Tarantino type killing. 1.00

00:08:44.000 That's a fucked up way to kill somebody. 1.00

00:08:46.000 Somebody broke into a guy's house and a guy killed him with a samurai sword. 1.00

00:08:49.000 It was like a year or two ago.

00:08:50.000 A samurai sword?

00:08:50.000 Yeah, he had a samurai sword.

00:08:52.000 That could go...

00:08:52.000 Wrong.

00:08:53.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:08:54.000 By the way, the guy could take it from you. 1.00

00:08:56.000 And then you could die from a samurai sword.

00:08:59.000 Oh, that would be the worst.

00:09:00.000 One of the worst.

00:09:01.000 Baseball bats got to be a bad one, too.

00:09:03.000 This guy from this website called Postsapoc, he sent me a knife in the past.

00:09:07.000 Well, now he just sent me this huge...

00:09:09.000 He sent you one, too.

00:09:10.000 One of those huge blades.

00:09:12.000 Remember that crazy knife? 0.98

00:09:14.000 And so I'm like, what do I do with all these knives this guy keeps on sucking? 0.77

00:09:16.000 So I'm like hiding them around the house. 0.99

00:09:18.000 So now I have one under my bed, like if I have a bad hooker or something like that. 1.00

00:09:22.000 If you have a bad hooker, you're going to stab her with a Gurkha knife. 0.99

00:09:25.000 I used to keep a putter, an old putter next to my bed. 1.00

00:09:29.000 And then like one day it just broke apart.

00:09:31.000 I was like, thank God.

00:09:31.000 And now my buddy's a cop, gave me one of those ones that go whoop and the thing pops out.

00:09:36.000 Baton.

00:09:37.000 Is that what it's called?

00:09:38.000 The baton?

00:09:39.000 Retractable baton?

00:09:40.000 And the whole thing just locks out, right?

00:09:43.000 And it's metal.

00:09:43.000 And it's locked out and it's metal.

00:09:44.000 You can fuck somebody up with that. 1.00

00:09:46.000 Badly. 0.99

00:09:47.000 Do you remember those things they used to have when we were kids?

00:09:49.000 They were like leather and inside it was like lead pellets.

00:09:52.000 What's it called?

00:09:52.000 A blackjack?

00:09:53.000 Mm-hmm.

00:09:54.000 Do you remember those?

00:09:55.000 My dad used to tell me about those things.

00:09:56.000 Yeah, man.

00:09:57.000 Whatever happened to blackjacks? 1.00

00:09:58.000 They used to have those.

00:10:00.000 Dudes would get whacked with those all the time.

00:10:02.000 What's it look like?

00:10:03.000 It looks like sort of like a duck's beak.

00:10:06.000 Okay.

00:10:07.000 But it's made out of leather and inside of it is like lead pellets and it's got a handle on it and, you know, it's like lead inside this leather and you just crack somebody with this thing.

00:10:16.000 So it's kind of like a more high-tech version of like a sock with some marbles in it.

00:10:19.000 Exactly.

00:10:20.000 Exactly.

00:10:21.000 It's lead inside leather.

00:10:22.000 High-tech, yeah.

00:10:23.000 Yeah.

00:10:24.000 Remember brass knuckles?

00:10:26.000 Yeah.

00:10:27.000 Strong Island boys used to carry around brass knuckles. 0.99

00:10:30.000 That's a terrible way to fuck up your face. 0.99

00:10:33.000 Just horrible brass knuckles. 0.99

00:10:35.000 I remember my buddy that wasn't in them bought one, and I was like, what are you doing, man? 0.99

00:10:38.000 It's like there's levels of shit that people try to do. 0.98

00:10:41.000 It's like if you're using a weapon, brass knuckles are a weapon. 0.99

00:10:44.000 You're basically, what are you trying to do? 0.99

00:10:46.000 You're trying to almost kill them, or are you trying to kill them? 0.98

00:10:48.000 What are you trying to do? 0.99

00:10:49.000 Yeah.

00:10:50.000 Because this is like some weird middle ground.

00:10:52.000 You know? 0.95

00:10:52.000 You can kill someone with brass knuckles, but it's not totally your intent, right? 0.95

00:10:57.000 If you put brass knuckles on, are you trying to beat a guy to death or are you just trying to really kick his ass easy? 1.00

00:11:01.000 Right. 1.00

00:11:02.000 You know?

00:11:03.000 Yeah.

00:11:03.000 It's weird, right?

00:11:04.000 Yeah.

00:11:04.000 I mean, there was a kid in my college that got into a fight and then hit a dude with a crowbar.

00:11:08.000 Oh, God.

00:11:10.000 And he killed him. 0.99

00:11:10.000 He killed the guy. 0.99

00:11:11.000 The guy died. 0.97

00:11:12.000 It's like, you hit him with a crowbar.

00:11:13.000 You don't know what you're doing.

00:11:16.000 He wasn't trying to kill him, but it's like, are you just trying to end it quickly?

00:11:22.000 That's a horrible result. 1.00

00:11:23.000 You have to know you're an idiot. 1.00

00:11:24.000 Can you imagine taking somebody's life? 1.00

00:11:26.000 No.

00:11:26.000 You took away years and years.

00:11:27.000 Not when you're not planning on it.

00:11:28.000 I know a dude who was working as a bouncer, and one of the guys he was working with punched a guy.

00:11:33.000 And the guy fell down and hit his head on a curb, and that was it.

00:11:36.000 Yep.

00:11:37.000 Dead.

00:11:37.000 That sucks.

00:11:38.000 One punch. 1.00

00:11:39.000 That sucks. 1.00

00:11:39.000 Just fell fucked up. 1.00

00:11:42.000 You know, when people fall down outside, too, people don't realize that. 0.99

00:11:45.000 When you fall, it's like getting hit by the world, you know?

00:11:48.000 Yeah.

00:11:48.000 Imagine if somebody hit you from five feet away with the earth.

00:11:53.000 You know, going 30 miles an hour or whatever the fuck it is when you fall. 0.98

00:11:56.000 That's what it's like, you know? 0.98

00:11:58.000 That's not good.

00:11:59.000 When you get knocked out, that's bad.

00:12:01.000 When you get knocked out and you fall down and smash your head off the concrete, that's way worse.

00:12:06.000 I've seen dudes many times go into seizures where they lock up and start snoring and making weird noises.

00:12:12.000 That is so bad for you.

00:12:17.000 Brass knuckles.

00:12:18.000 Yeah, brass knuckles.

00:12:19.000 What else do we have? 1.00

00:12:20.000 What is it with those stores that would sell that shit and then weed pipes? 1.00

00:12:25.000 Bongs, yeah. 1.00

00:12:25.000 Make up your fucking mind, man. 1.00

00:12:27.000 What do you want to do? 1.00

00:12:28.000 Which side of the store are you on?

00:12:29.000 Do you have butterfly knives?

00:12:30.000 Remember those butterfly knives? 1.00

00:12:32.000 What was the deal with those stupid things? 1.00

00:12:34.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:12:34.000 What a stupid knife. 1.00

00:12:35.000 You have to do a jazz move before you take your knife out. 1.00

00:12:38.000 You're just like, and then you have your fucking knife out. 1.00

00:12:41.000 Just pull out the knife. 1.00

00:12:43.000 Jazz move.

00:12:44.000 I remember as a kid having one of those knife blades that was a comb, and you were allowed to bring it to school.

00:12:49.000 They didn't have a problem back in all that.

00:12:50.000 Oh, it was a switchblade comb.

00:12:51.000 You were allowed to bring that to school.

00:12:54.000 I had one of those.

00:12:54.000 Those were awesome.

00:12:56.000 But it was just a comb. 1.00

00:12:57.000 Yeah, you thought you were slick as shit when you pulled that bitch out. 1.00

00:13:00.000 It's the same guy that thought of the candy cigarettes. 1.00

00:13:03.000 You're like, what are you doing, man? 0.99

00:13:04.000 What a weird fucking loophole that is. 1.00

00:13:07.000 You can have candy that's a pretend fucking poison. 1.00

00:13:11.000 They still sell that. 0.99

00:13:12.000 They still sell those.

00:13:13.000 Could you imagine if they had candy for kids that said, like, had a skull and crossbones on it, XXX, poison, death, and that was candy.

00:13:20.000 What if you saw, like, the candy man...

00:13:22.000 The candy man, the guy... 0.99

00:13:23.000 And the kids were cutting up lines and snorting lines of fucking... 0.99

00:13:26.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:13:27.000 What are you guys doing?

00:13:28.000 Right.

00:13:28.000 It's Pop Rocks, dude.

00:13:29.000 It's the new shit. 1.00

00:13:29.000 It's the new way to do Pez. 1.00

00:13:31.000 What?

00:13:31.000 You smash your Pez up and you stuff it up your nose.

00:13:34.000 I don't know about that.

00:13:35.000 Sniff them.

00:13:35.000 Sniff them, licks.

00:13:36.000 Right!

00:13:36.000 Exactly!

00:13:37.000 What are you doing? 1.00

00:13:37.000 Why is it okay to have candy fucking cigarettes? 1.00

00:13:40.000 Mom, why can't I get one vial of, you know, cool juice that everyone's shooting? 1.00

00:13:45.000 You're shooting juice into your vein?

00:13:47.000 Everyone does it now, Mom.

00:13:48.000 It's no big deal.

00:13:49.000 It's awesome.

00:13:50.000 It tastes really good.

00:13:51.000 It stimulates a part of your brain that works on taste and does it through your veins.

00:13:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:13:57.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

00:13:58.000 Candy cigarettes. 1.00

00:13:59.000 What's funny is those candy cigarettes is that they actually sell them, but they can't call them cigarettes anymore.

00:14:04.000 So they call them candy sticks or something like that.

00:14:06.000 Oh, really?

00:14:07.000 So they're a candy stick, but when the end's red, it's lit.

00:14:10.000 Yeah.

00:14:13.000 They used to put sugar at the end. 0.98

00:14:15.000 You could blow it, and it would blow out smoke.

00:14:17.000 Oh, I never had the deluxe ones.

00:14:19.000 Oh, yeah.

00:14:19.000 Brian, you did the fake cigarettes for a while, the electronic cigarettes, to try to get off the cigarettes?

00:14:26.000 Yeah, well, it was when they first were starting to come over, like maybe a year and a half, two years ago, when they first started to come over here from overseas.

00:14:35.000 I had this idea.

00:14:36.000 I was doing a lot of reviews, tech reviews and stuff.

00:14:40.000 So I thought, hey, I want to quit smoking.

00:14:42.000 I want to review this.

00:14:43.000 So I contacted all these companies and I was like, hey, I want to review these things and make a video out of them.

00:14:48.000 So all these companies sent me samples and products of their things.

00:14:52.000 So for a couple weeks straight, I was smoking only electronic cigarettes.

00:14:58.000 They had a cigar version, too, that you love, the cigar one.

00:15:02.000 But then I noticed that I was spitting up blood.

00:15:06.000 Yeah, it's got a chemical in it, right?

00:15:07.000 It's got a chemical used in smoke machines, like dance clubs and stuff like that, like a fog machine. 0.70

00:15:12.000 machine i forget the name of the chemical chemical but what one of the the negative parts about that chemical is is it dries out it will dry you out it'll dry your skin out or if you put it in your throat it will dry your fucking throat out so i was getting like these lesions on my throat from my throat being so fucking dry that i started spitting out blood so i pretty much was like fuck doing a review and i i told all these people that sent me the products like look i'm not going to do this review for you because i don't want i'm just going to bash what you're selling 0.95

00:15:38.000 because bloody throat is a lot different than fucking when inhaling smoke when you ask the company is Were they all electronic cigarette companies? 0.96

00:15:48.000 I know of one when I was trying. 0.99

00:15:49.000 They tried to put these magnets behind your earlobe. 0.92

00:15:54.000 What?

00:15:54.000 Yeah.

00:15:55.000 They gave me these magnets that you put behind your earlobe.

00:15:57.000 I've seen that.

00:15:58.000 What is that?

00:15:58.000 And then it was supposed to stop.

00:16:00.000 I don't know what it was supposed to do.

00:16:01.000 It was supposed to stop your cravings for smoking cigarettes.

00:16:05.000 Did it work?

00:16:06.000 I'd never try. 1.00

00:16:07.000 I think that sounds like bullshit. 0.94

00:16:08.000 I'm sorry. 0.94

00:16:09.000 This is kind of funny.

00:16:10.000 This FDA release on these electronic cigarettes is actually kind of funny.

00:16:13.000 The US Food and Drug Administration today announced that a laboratory analysis of electronic cigarette samples has found that they contain carcinogens and toxic chemicals such as diethylene glycol and ingredient used in antifreeze.

00:16:30.000 It's amazing that they decided to release this press release.

00:16:33.000 What they're basically saying is the fake poison is poison.

00:16:37.000 Yep. 1.00

00:16:39.000 What about the real shit, you fuckheads? 1.00

00:16:41.000 Why are you releasing this on these electronic cigarettes and not clamoring for the removal of cigarettes from fucking stores and grocery stores? 1.00

00:16:52.000 I go to the grocery store and there's a goddamn cigarette carton area where you can buy poison. 0.99

00:16:56.000 You can buy addictive drugs that don't do anything for you. 0.99

00:16:59.000 Or they do something for you.

00:17:01.000 They stimulate your...

00:17:02.000 Stephen King said that when he quit cigarettes, his writing actually suffered a little.

00:17:07.000 Really?

00:17:07.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:17:08.000 He had a harder time firing his synapses up.

00:17:11.000 It's probably because 20% of his head is thinking, I want a cigarette.

00:17:14.000 I want to just go outside and have a cigarette.

00:17:15.000 You know what?

00:17:16.000 He says his brain doesn't work as fast.

00:17:18.000 I mean, I know it's a stimulant.

00:17:20.000 It does something, you know?

00:17:22.000 I'm almost a year done.

00:17:24.000 I quit by hypnosis.

00:17:27.000 Really?

00:17:27.000 Yeah.

00:17:28.000 I got hypnotized three times.

00:17:31.000 On the second one is the one you quit.

00:17:33.000 I never had a cigarette.

00:17:34.000 I smoked on the way in.

00:17:35.000 Whoa.

00:17:36.000 You smoked on the way in.

00:17:37.000 They did the hypnosis.

00:17:39.000 Hypnosis?

00:17:39.000 The hypnosis thing to me seems to only work if you really truly want it to work.

00:17:44.000 Exactly.

00:17:45.000 You prepare for it.

00:17:46.000 You go in there sort of like under the agreement that you're going to give into this experience and it's going to change you.

00:17:54.000 And if you believe that, it's almost like a placebo effect for the mind.

00:17:57.000 Here's how it worked for me.

00:17:58.000 If you can get hypnotized, I can't.

00:18:00.000 I had said that...

00:18:01.000 You could though.

00:18:01.000 I was never hypnotized.

00:18:03.000 Here's how I put it. 1.00

00:18:03.000 If the doctor touched my dick, I would have known about it. 1.00

00:18:06.000 But I was in another area... 1.00

00:18:08.000 I wouldn't have been like, oh, now someone says chicken and I start blowing everyone in the room.

00:18:14.000 I never got to that point.

00:18:15.000 I don't know if I could ever be that guy. 0.98

00:18:17.000 But I was in a place, like he would get me to a place where I was thinking about other shit. 0.80

00:18:21.000 And I heard him just being like, you're not a smoker anymore. 0.98

00:18:25.000 This is not part of your life.

00:18:26.000 And these are things that you don't do anymore.

00:18:27.000 You don't need cigarettes. 1.00

00:18:28.000 And he just kept repeating this shit. 1.00

00:18:30.000 But I was like, oh, I'm on a beach. 1.00

00:18:32.000 And then look at the fucking tits on that. 1.00

00:18:34.000 And then I'm like all just going off in a different place. 1.00

00:18:37.000 And he just kept talking to me.

00:18:38.000 And then it would be over.

00:18:39.000 So you were listening to him and you were fantasizing about other different things?

00:18:44.000 I was thinking about other things.

00:18:46.000 Like, he would be like, think about whatever you want to think about.

00:18:48.000 And then, you know, you start doing, like, I don't want to think about anything.

00:18:50.000 But yesterday, when Ari told me he didn't want to think about it, Ari.

00:18:53.000 And then you're all over the place.

00:18:55.000 You can't not...

00:18:57.000 You can't not just think about nothing.

00:18:59.000 So while I'm off thinking about this, he's literally like whispering, but in a soft way, like just these things. 0.99

00:19:07.000 Every once in a while, I'd go back over here and be like, what the fuck are you saying? 0.98

00:19:10.000 And he'd be like, I don't smoke. 0.99

00:19:11.000 Yeah, I don't smoke.

00:19:12.000 Oh, but I'm back over here.

00:19:13.000 And he did that for like five or six minutes.

00:19:15.000 Wow.

00:19:16.000 To me, that was the entire hypnosis part of it.

00:19:18.000 But the beginning of it, like, he'd start off every session with, like, I knew I wanted to quit.

00:19:23.000 I have to want to quit.

00:19:26.000 But I would go in there and those conversations like, you know, like, oh, you should quit smoking.

00:19:31.000 Yeah, no, I know, I know.

00:19:32.000 Well, you know, it's cancer and everything.

00:19:33.000 Yeah, no, I get it.

00:19:34.000 It's that conversation that lasts for three minutes that now he's drawing it out for 40 minutes.

00:19:40.000 He's like, no, no, it's not if you're going to die.

00:19:42.000 It's when you're going to die.

00:19:43.000 And your son's going to come visit you in the hospital.

00:19:45.000 And he's going to go into the room and he's going to see all the tubes going inside of you.

00:19:48.000 How do you think that's going to make him feel?

00:19:50.000 Do you think he's going to... 0.98

00:19:51.000 I mean, just painting like worst fucking case scenario. 0.98

00:19:54.000 And then he does the hypnosis thing. 0.97

00:19:56.000 And at the end, it was...

00:19:58.000 Gave me a little mantra to say whenever I had a craving, and I haven't had a cigarette since the moment I walked out of it.

00:20:04.000 How many times have you thought about it today?

00:20:05.000 Today, zero.

00:20:06.000 Zero.

00:20:06.000 Wow.

00:20:07.000 In the first day, 40. Maybe you should do it.

00:20:08.000 Your problem is, Brian, you're super, super, super skeptical.

00:20:12.000 You're so skeptical you would never be willing to give in to anything like that.

00:20:16.000 My sister had it done, and she audio-recorded it, and I wish I still had the CD, because I used to listen to it in my car and laugh my ass off.

00:20:25.000 And it was only one time for her that she went.

00:20:28.000 And it worked for two months.

00:20:30.000 But it was just like this chick saying stuff like, ew, cigarettes are going to grow. 0.99

00:20:35.000 They make you look fat.

00:20:36.000 Ew, you don't want cigarettes.

00:20:37.000 And my sister was like, I don't remember any of this.

00:20:40.000 Really?

00:20:40.000 Maybe this is like some lady devised her own technique.

00:20:43.000 Well, they all are their own techniques.

00:20:45.000 I mean, what do you really have to say?

00:20:47.000 We could put a phone number right now and say we're hypnosis and then we cure cigarette people.

00:20:51.000 We'd probably have three people call us tomorrow.

00:20:53.000 I mean, what credentials do you need to... 1.00

00:20:55.000 I didn't ask for a fucking diploma. 0.99

00:20:57.000 I was in this guy's living room, like a garage area. 0.99

00:21:02.000 There was nothing nice around, but I just got through a referral from another person.

00:21:06.000 But what do you need to...

00:21:08.000 You don't need to be a doctor to do hypnosis, do you?

00:21:10.000 Yeah, it's sort of a sketchy sort of a job.

00:21:14.000 I'll psychiatrize this because most of them don't really exist.

00:21:16.000 I mean, there's some that are probably...

00:21:18.000 Psychiatry?

00:21:18.000 I mean, hypnotic people.

00:21:20.000 Hypnotic.

00:21:20.000 Hypnotists, not psychiatrists.

00:21:22.000 Yeah, hypnotists, it's like psychics.

00:21:25.000 Like, is that real?

00:21:26.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

00:21:27.000 Like when you drive down the street and you see these fucking houses that a lot of psychics in their house, you know, like psychic readings. 0.99

00:21:33.000 There's a lot down the street. 0.99

00:21:34.000 Like as I'm driving to go get something to eat, I'll see these houses and I think about stopping in.

00:21:39.000 I did once when I was in New York.

00:21:41.000 Like a neon sign that says psychic.

00:21:43.000 You can open it like one in the morning.

00:21:44.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:21:45.000 I went in, and it was just a house, you know?

00:21:48.000 It was just a small house, and it was in Manhattan.

00:21:52.000 I forget where it was.

00:21:53.000 Somewhere I was doing an audition, and I had like an hour and a half to kill. 0.99

00:21:56.000 So I'm going to go get a fucking psychic reading. 1.00

00:21:58.000 This bitch couldn't have been more wrong about things in my life. 1.00

00:22:01.000 Like, more wrong. 1.00

00:22:02.000 And how were you?

00:22:02.000 Were you like, nope?

00:22:03.000 I said, yeah, no.

00:22:05.000 You're very close with your father.

00:22:07.000 I haven't seen him since I was seven.

00:22:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:22:08.000 It was that kind of shit. 1.00

00:22:09.000 It was just the worst. 1.00

00:22:11.000 She was terrible.

00:22:11.000 I'm like, you're just guessing.

00:22:13.000 And then I get angry.

00:22:14.000 I'll go, this is just a guy.

00:22:15.000 I gave you $20 to fake me out and guess.

00:22:17.000 I go, okay, thank you.

00:22:18.000 I learned.

00:22:19.000 I learned my lesson. 0.99

00:22:20.000 Those psychics are just like lazy people that bought a sign. 1.00

00:22:23.000 They're scam artists. 0.99

00:22:24.000 They're like, I don't want to leave the house anymore. 0.89

00:22:26.000 I'm just going to be a psychic.

00:22:27.000 Have they ever answered why if they were psychic, they wouldn't?

00:22:30.000 Have an office building, I don't know, like GE? Wouldn't they be very wealthy?

00:22:35.000 Have they ever answered that question?

00:22:38.000 People have said that you can't use it for personal gain.

00:22:40.000 I've heard that.

00:22:41.000 My power cannot be used for personal gain. 1.00

00:22:44.000 What kind of silly, stupid thing is that? 1.00

00:22:47.000 You don't think there's ever going to be one rogue psychic who's going to be like, I'm not following this shit. 1.00

00:22:51.000 I'm going to go fucking make a ton of money. 0.99

00:22:54.000 Like Biff in Back to the Future was like, I got this book that tells me what the fucking, who's going to win every sports game and I'm going to bet on it. 0.99

00:23:00.000 And he had like Biff Enterprises in Back to the Future 2. There's been a bunch of different people that have offered huge rewards for anyone to prove psychic ability.

00:23:10.000 I think Penn and Teller had something going on with that for a while, but they're very vocal about psychics being bullshit, hence the name of their show.

00:23:18.000 And there's been a bunch of other people, and no one's ever been really able to prove that there's a psychic ability.

00:23:24.000 The only psychic ability that has been proven, and this is a very odd one, and we all kind of knew about this one, you can tell when people are looking at you.

00:23:34.000 People can tell.

00:23:35.000 They can sense when people are looking at you. 1.00

00:23:38.000 You can't figure out what the fucking lottery is. 0.99

00:23:40.000 You're not going to know who's going to win the World Series in 2013. But you can tell when people are looking at you. 0.99

00:23:46.000 It's a weird thing.

00:23:47.000 It's statistically proven that they've done controlled studies where people were looking in another direction.

00:23:53.000 They had to say when they thought someone was looking at them.

00:23:55.000 And it was measurable.

00:23:58.000 It was a measurable thing.

00:23:59.000 Even from like behind or like your blind spots.

00:24:01.000 And I would have to say that in those, any sort of a test situation, that would be the worst time to be using some of that.

00:24:07.000 Not using some, trying to do that.

00:24:11.000 Because I would think you'd be so aware that you're in a test.

00:24:14.000 You'd be so aware, okay, I'm being judged.

00:24:16.000 Your spidey senses would be on high alert. 0.99

00:24:18.000 Well, not only that, they would be all fucked up. 0.98

00:24:20.000 They'd be all fucked up by this artificial situation where you're monitoring your instincts. 0.99

00:24:24.000 But I have this many times in my life where I was like, what the fuck is going on? 0.99

00:24:27.000 I turn and look and someone's giving me the mad dog. 0.99

00:24:29.000 I'm like, whoa.

00:24:29.000 I'm going to do my own thing now.

00:24:31.000 I'm going to be like waiting in a Best Buy, just staring at someone just to see that person.

00:24:35.000 Do your own test.

00:24:36.000 12, 15, they did not turn around.

00:24:37.000 I think it's not...

00:24:38.000 100%?

00:24:39.000 I think it's probably not even 50%.

00:24:41.000 But I think there's something there that every now and then pops in when someone can just reach out with their energy and touch you.

00:24:47.000 And I think it also probably has to do with the kind of intent that they have in their mind while they're staring at you.

00:24:53.000 I think if someone's staring at you and like... 0.91

00:24:56.000 You know, and they're like, oh, this guy seems like he's got his shit together. 0.61

00:24:59.000 I like the way he dresses, you know? 0.99

00:25:00.000 He's fucking got a cool t-shirt on. 0.98

00:25:01.000 Like, maybe then you're going to be like, you know, let him look at me. 0.99

00:25:05.000 It's cool. 1.00

00:25:06.000 But if you're like, you know, this guy, I think I could fuck him. 1.00

00:25:09.000 I'm pretty sure I could fucking just fold him down. 1.00

00:25:11.000 Fucking beat him with a rock and keep him alive while I have to fuck him. 1.00

00:25:15.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:25:16.000 Sorry.

00:25:17.000 Yeah.

00:25:18.000 Then maybe, you know, it would come up.

00:25:19.000 You'd be like, don't be greedy with that talk.

00:25:22.000 Just to me.

00:25:22.000 You don't have to just give me the eyes when you do that talk.

00:25:25.000 Steve wants to look.

00:25:25.000 It's very comfortable for me to look to my left for some reason.

00:25:28.000 Whenever I have violent thoughts.

00:25:29.000 That's perfect.

00:25:30.000 I always try to attack from the left side.

00:25:32.000 That's good.

00:25:33.000 I think that there's something to the human mind that is not static.

00:25:38.000 What we have right now, our abilities right now, are probably evolving.

00:25:43.000 And our ability to recognize our environment and to tune in to other people, I think that's probably evolving.

00:25:48.000 You know, they say that just a few thousand years ago, people could not read silently.

00:25:54.000 This was a trick that someone had learned how to do.

00:25:58.000 It was one of the saints, and one of the ways this guy proved his sainthood was that he could recite things that he had just read.

00:26:07.000 He could close the book and he would look at the book and not say anything aloud so they didn't know he was reading.

00:26:12.000 He would read things and then close the book and then recite what he just read.

00:26:15.000 And they thought that this guy was a deity.

00:26:17.000 They thought that he was a priest or they thought that he was a saint because he had this ability that no one else could do.

00:26:23.000 He could read silently.

00:26:25.000 It makes sense when you think about it.

00:26:27.000 Because you remember when you were a little kid, you couldn't read silently.

00:26:30.000 You would read silently.

00:26:34.000 Ustream.tv.

00:26:35.000 You'd have to spell it out.

00:26:36.000 You'd have to say it.

00:26:37.000 You'd have to make the noise.

00:26:39.000 And you'd have to recognize the noise after you make it.

00:26:42.000 Well, then people learned how to make the noise in their head.

00:26:45.000 They didn't always know how to do that.

00:26:47.000 And this is...

00:26:48.000 It's probably an evolution of language.

00:26:52.000 An evolution of the way we interface with language.

00:26:54.000 But it's also like...

00:26:57.000 It may be something in our minds.

00:26:59.000 It may be something that we didn't have the ability to process before, and we do now, because the written type and reading is very commonplace, that we have developed this ability to do this.

00:27:09.000 It's very possible that the minds that we are working with are, you know, much different than the minds of a few thousand years ago.

00:27:15.000 You know, when there was no There was no mass media, and there was no phones, there was no nothing.

00:27:21.000 There's always been some weird speculation that people were able to tune into Mother Gaia, that some people were able to tune into the forest, and able to tune into information that comes from all the animals and nature around you.

00:27:35.000 Like, there was a show, Charles Kuralt on the Road, I know we've talked about this before, but there was a guy who used to live in Alaska, and he said that he was a prospector.

00:27:43.000 He would live out there by himself for months at a time.

00:27:48.000 What?

00:27:50.000 What?

00:27:50.000 Really?

00:27:50.000 And then when he would come back into town, eventually it would go away.

00:27:53.000 But he said there wasn't words, but there was a way of communicating with animals that you would have.

00:27:58.000 Because there was no TV.

00:28:00.000 There was no radio.

00:28:01.000 You got tuned into different things. 0.97

00:28:03.000 It sounds totally like horseshit, but... 0.98

00:28:07.000 Dr. Doolittle. 0.96

00:28:08.000 But if you talk to the Indians or the natives in Peru, when they brew this ayahuasca stuff, this psychedelic beverage.

00:28:16.000 Yeah, Robin Quivers just went down and did it. 0.99

00:28:19.000 Well, the thing about ayahuasca is they've been doing it for 10,000 years, way before written history.

00:28:24.000 And then you ask them how they learned how to do this.

00:28:28.000 I mean, the speculation is 10,000 years ago.

00:28:30.000 The real evidence is probably only like a couple thousand, but...

00:28:33.000 When they ask these people how they figured out how to do this, they say that the forest told them, that the plants told them how to do this, told them how to make this.

00:28:42.000 There's over 100,000 different plants in the Amazon.

00:28:45.000 They figured out how to take the leaves of one and the root and the vines of another and combine them because one of them contains the chemical DMT and the other one contains what's called an MAO inhibitor.

00:28:57.000 Something called Harmin, because you can't eat this psychedelic stuff, you can't eat DMT, because it exists in so many different things that if you eat it, your body has the ability to break it down inside your stomach with monoamine oxidase.

00:29:08.000 So this stuff called Harmin, this other plant that produces this natural MAO inhibitor, they have to mix this stuff in, and they have to boil it, and they have to break it down over hours and hours. 0.50

00:29:18.000 How the fuck did these people living on dirt floors and huts with no books, how the fuck Did they ever figure out how to take these plants and put them together? 0.79

00:29:27.000 Well, they say that the forest told them how to do it. 0.99

00:29:29.000 It sounds ridiculous.

00:29:30.000 Or there's a thousand dead people around. 0.98

00:29:33.000 Nope, not that one.

00:29:34.000 Don't put those two together.

00:29:36.000 Can you guys see Frank? 1.00

00:29:37.000 He's fucked, bro. 0.99

00:29:38.000 Yeah, the real question is, when did this information about the forest telling them to do this happen? 1.00

00:29:42.000 Did it happen after they took the ayahuasca?

00:29:45.000 Because that would make a lot of sense.

00:29:46.000 And why did they just stop with ayahuasca? 0.99

00:29:47.000 Why wouldn't they just keep, like, give us other good shit, you know? 0.99

00:29:51.000 Dude, you don't need anything else once you do the ayahuasca. 0.99

00:29:53.000 You really don't.

00:29:55.000 Robin Quivers has talked about it and I've tuned Stanhope into it.

00:30:03.000 There's a bunch of people that I know that have had DMT in their life. 0.68

00:30:06.000 And once you've done it, Everything else seems completely silly.

00:30:11.000 Everything. 0.90

00:30:11.000 The economy seems silly. 0.90

00:30:13.000 Your life seems silly. 0.99

00:30:14.000 Driving and traffic seems silly. 1.00

00:30:17.000 Media seems silly. 0.98

00:30:18.000 Everything seems silly and juvenile and temporary. 0.95

00:30:21.000 How long...

00:30:22.000 What is...

00:30:22.000 I mean, it's not like a thing where you can go...

00:30:24.000 You need, like, a week.

00:30:26.000 Well, you need some time to digest it.

00:30:28.000 You don't need time to do the drug.

00:30:32.000 If you smoke DMT, it only takes about 15 minutes.

00:30:34.000 If you take ayahuasca, the orally active version, it's a less potent version of the experience, but it's over a few hours as opposed to over 15 minutes.

00:30:45.000 But what it is is the most trippy experience, the most bizarre outside of this world, the most separate experience you could ever possibly have.

00:30:56.000 And once you've had that, you know, and you start talking about why doesn't he do other things?

00:31:00.000 Why doesn't he figure out, you know, how to make a fucking jet car? 0.66

00:31:03.000 You know, why don't the plants teach him how to do that? 0.99

00:31:06.000 Yeah.

00:31:06.000 You just want to go back to that world.

00:31:08.000 Those fucking people that live in the Amazon, man, they like doing it all the time. 1.00

00:31:12.000 They just do it. 1.00

00:31:13.000 They just tune in to the spirit world and astral travel and fucking illuminant snakes that fly through the air. 0.99

00:31:21.000 Does it make pot different? 0.98

00:31:22.000 Like, can you go back?

00:31:24.000 Like, can you be like, ah, I wish...

00:31:25.000 Or is it something like...

00:31:26.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:31:27.000 What do you mean?

00:31:28.000 Does it make, like, the experience of Smoking Pot, like, any different now at all?

00:31:33.000 I think that...

00:31:34.000 Or less important or less fun?

00:31:37.000 Well, I think that you...

00:31:38.000 First of all, one time I had a flashback after I took it from Smoking Pot.

00:31:42.000 I've never been able to do it again.

00:31:44.000 Really?

00:31:44.000 One time I did DMT, and then a week later...

00:31:47.000 I was smoking weed and I had a flashback, a real flashback, where I got to the door. 0.90

00:31:52.000 There's a door, like, when you have the DMT experience, it's a very fucked up experience. 0.99

00:31:57.000 And for those of you that are anti-drug and for those of you that are listening to this that are like, you know, what kind of fucking loser is talking about doing drugs? 1.00

00:32:04.000 And we go, what the fuck is this stupid shit? 1.00

00:32:06.000 And this kid's listening. 1.00

00:32:08.000 I think human beings owe an obligation to tell the truth about their experiences.

00:32:12.000 And there is something to this that's very life-changing.

00:32:16.000 It changed me, for sure.

00:32:17.000 It still is changing me.

00:32:19.000 My DMT experiences for sure have made me a better person, a nicer person, more sensitive, more aware of the universe.

00:32:26.000 I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination.

00:32:29.000 I'm under a lot of pressure.

00:32:30.000 Sometimes I snap at people.

00:32:31.000 I try to keep it all together as much as humanly possible.

00:32:34.000 But for sure, I'm absolutely different at my core because of having the DMT experience.

00:32:39.000 All drugs aren't good for you, but some drugs are.

00:32:42.000 And they're not too good for everybody. 1.00

00:32:44.000 We should have fucking shamans. 0.99

00:32:46.000 We should have places where you could go. 1.00

00:32:48.000 Where you could go to some professional place where this guy is sanctioned by the community.

00:32:52.000 This is the guy that knows how to do mushrooms.

00:32:54.000 And you go to this guy's house and he's got brilliant mushrooms and they're all perfect and he grows them himself.

00:32:59.000 There's nothing sketchy.

00:33:00.000 And how many mushroom chips have you been on?

00:33:02.000 A thousand.

00:33:02.000 Okay.

00:33:03.000 Alright, a thousand. 1.00

00:33:04.000 Shit. 1.00

00:33:04.000 Yeah, you know what you're doing. 1.00

00:33:05.000 How many grams are we going to do today?

00:33:06.000 Well, this is what we're going to do.

00:33:08.000 You're going to be in this room, silent darkness.

00:33:10.000 You're going to do five grams.

00:33:11.000 I'm going to be outside the door.

00:33:12.000 I'm going to be totally sober.

00:33:13.000 I have a phone.

00:33:13.000 I have a car.

00:33:14.000 I can take you to the hospital if you need to.

00:33:16.000 But the freak out is really only in your mind.

00:33:19.000 And you're going to be fine physically.

00:33:21.000 Just don't worry about it.

00:33:21.000 I've been there a thousand times.

00:33:22.000 Nobody dies from this shit. 1.00

00:33:23.000 And then you can go and do it. 1.00

00:33:25.000 Instead of being over your friend's house and you fucking escape into the woods. 1.00

00:33:28.000 And then you get too fucked up in the woods. 1.00

00:33:30.000 You don't know how to get back to your house. 0.98

00:33:31.000 That sounds so much better, the second one, instead of having some creepy dude sitting outside of a bedroom door with a phone ready to call the police on you.

00:33:37.000 But it's funny, though.

00:33:39.000 But if it was legal, he wouldn't be calling the police.

00:33:41.000 Like, I do that now with, like, I called Ari today.

00:33:44.000 I was like, can you get me some breath strips from going to Vegas?

00:33:46.000 And he's like, all right, this is the one you're getting.

00:33:48.000 You take a third if you want this.

00:33:49.000 You take two thirds if you want that.

00:33:51.000 Hour to kick in.

00:33:52.000 Five hours.

00:33:53.000 And a half hour later, you'll be hungry.

00:33:55.000 Ari is someone you can trust with that.

00:33:57.000 You cannot trust Joey Diaz.

00:33:59.000 I know.

00:33:59.000 I'm telling you.

00:33:59.000 Take two.

00:34:00.000 Yeah.

00:34:00.000 Take two and then call me in an hour and 20 minutes.

00:34:03.000 Ari's the guy that I ask about that and about mortgage rates.

00:34:06.000 He's like, don't take it yet.

00:34:07.000 And I swear to God, it's the two things I trust him the most about.

00:34:10.000 That's hilarious.

00:34:10.000 To be on time, no.

00:34:11.000 To pick me up at the airport, no. 1.00

00:34:13.000 To not fuck my wife, probably not. 1.00

00:34:16.000 If he got a chance, he would do it just for the story. 1.00

00:34:18.000 So now to use Google, no.

00:34:19.000 But one time me and Ari, I was driving him home from the comedy store.

00:34:24.000 And I had to pick something from my house.

00:34:25.000 And he goes, can I just go into your room?

00:34:27.000 And I was like...

00:34:28.000 For the goof, okay.

00:34:29.000 He gets in the bed and my wife's leaving there. 1.00

00:34:32.000 He gets in the bed.

00:34:32.000 He just curls up next to her.

00:34:34.000 No, he didn't.

00:34:35.000 I'm standing right there. 1.00

00:34:36.000 She goes, what the fuck? 1.00

00:34:39.000 And she smells. 1.00

00:34:40.000 She goes, Ari! 1.00

00:34:41.000 And Ari goes, what? 0.99

00:34:42.000 I thought this was going to be okay.

00:34:43.000 And I just started laughing.

00:34:45.000 But you smelt them first.

00:34:46.000 That's the best part.

00:34:47.000 Do you have a specific odor?

00:34:50.000 Do you smell like cinnamon?

00:34:51.000 Ari has an antique bookstore smell.

00:34:54.000 Yeah, he does.

00:34:55.000 It's like old socks.

00:34:57.000 Like that book that you find in the corner when you clean your house.

00:35:00.000 Ari's one of those dudes that might not shower for a week.

00:35:03.000 We played basketball on Tuesdays.

00:35:05.000 We played against each other.

00:35:08.000 He's like, just to warn you, I haven't showered since Sunday.

00:35:10.000 Are you serious?

00:35:11.000 So when you take me down low, just remember that the smell, that smell is real.

00:35:15.000 And it's on purpose.

00:35:16.000 That's so disgusting. 1.00

00:35:18.000 Well, he wonders how he got fucking staph. 1.00

00:35:20.000 This guy, you know, he had this huge fucking thing on his knee. 0.99

00:35:24.000 It was from jujitsu, but it was from not showering, man. 0.99

00:35:27.000 You gotta shower right after.

00:35:28.000 And not even dealing with it.

00:35:29.000 Like, he didn't know there was something wrong.

00:35:31.000 He said he got bit by a spider.

00:35:32.000 If it wasn't for me noticing that he was limping, he might be dead.

00:35:36.000 Like, I'm not kidding. 1.00

00:35:37.000 Staph infections can fucking kill you. 0.99

00:35:39.000 They really should have some shit up at every jujitsu gym showing you different swollen things. 1.00

00:35:45.000 See this? 0.99

00:35:46.000 That's a staph infection.

00:35:47.000 See this?

00:35:48.000 This is impetigo.

00:35:48.000 This is herpes.

00:35:49.000 You can get this shit from the mat. 1.00

00:35:51.000 You've got to be careful. 1.00

00:35:52.000 This is what you've got to do. 0.99

00:35:52.000 Right after you get off the mat, you've got to wash yourself with some probiotic defense soap, eucalyptus oil, tea tree oil, shit like that. 0.99

00:36:01.000 Stuff that kills... 1.00

00:36:02.000 But do it right after you get off the fucking mats. 1.00

00:36:04.000 You don't go home and sit around and eat fucking pizza, you know, like Ari, and then not shower for two more days. 0.99

00:36:13.000 There's the guy who's just too lazy, and then there's the guy that's like, oh, I'm a tough guy, I can go do whatever I want to do after, or I'll go, you know, whatever. 0.99

00:36:18.000 It's like, just be clean.

00:36:20.000 Ari had a little volcano on his knee, man. 0.85

00:36:22.000 It freaked me out.

00:36:23.000 Because we were playing pool, and he was limping.

00:36:26.000 And I go, what's going on?

00:36:27.000 He told me about the spider bite.

00:36:28.000 I go, let me see it.

00:36:29.000 He pulls his pants up and he's got a little red volcano on his knee.

00:36:32.000 Yeah, and it's hot, right? 0.99

00:36:33.000 Yeah, I go, dude, that's a fucking staph infection. 0.99

00:36:35.000 You need to go to a hospital right now. 0.99

00:36:37.000 I unscrewed my cue.

00:36:38.000 He's like, you're serious?

00:36:39.000 I go, I'm deadly serious.

00:36:41.000 I go, you need to go to a hospital this moment. 0.92

00:36:42.000 Don't wait an hour. 0.75

00:36:43.000 You need to go right now or you could die.

00:36:45.000 I've had two staph infections in my leg. 1.00

00:36:47.000 The fuck? 0.99

00:36:48.000 And they had to put stuff like gauze in there and leave it there for a week and then pull it out. 1.00

00:36:54.000 Yeah.

00:36:54.000 It was horrible.

00:36:55.000 How'd you get it?

00:36:56.000 Basketball.

00:36:57.000 It's all about sports.

00:36:58.000 That's why I've never had a staph infection.

00:37:00.000 Well, it's really washing yourself afterwards.

00:37:02.000 It's also taking probiotics.

00:37:04.000 You've got to take a bunch of different probiotics.

00:37:06.000 You know what I like this probiotic?

00:37:08.000 Kimchi.

00:37:09.000 Pickled cabbage.

00:37:10.000 If you get that from...

00:37:11.000 It's delicious.

00:37:12.000 Is it good?

00:37:12.000 Yeah, I love it.

00:37:13.000 Sounds awesome.

00:37:13.000 I'm not a cabbage fan.

00:37:15.000 I'm not a big pickle fan.

00:37:15.000 Funny cabbage rules.

00:37:16.000 What's wrong with you?

00:37:16.000 You've got to try some.

00:37:17.000 I'll give you some afterwards.

00:37:18.000 Oh, sauerkraut and cabbage.

00:37:19.000 It's spicy though.

00:37:20.000 It's like a spicy Korean cabbage.

00:37:22.000 But you can get it at some organic places and it's probiotic.

00:37:24.000 What they do is they take the cabbage and they leave it out for like a few days and then you pickle it with a bunch of different things.

00:37:30.000 I don't know exactly the whole process.

00:37:32.000 But the whole idea is that getting live organisms into your body that are healthy. 1.00

00:37:36.000 You know, that's like really important to do after you've had a colonic, if you want to get water blown into your asshole. 1.00

00:37:42.000 I've done it twice. 1.00

00:37:43.000 Have you done the colonic? 1.00

00:37:44.000 I've heard it's bullshit. 0.99

00:37:45.000 I'm thinking about doing it. 1.00

00:37:46.000 I did it twice. 0.99

00:37:46.000 I've heard it's bullshit and I've heard it's awesome. 0.99

00:37:47.000 I don't know what's true. 0.99

00:37:48.000 I did it today.

00:37:50.000 It was a tough...

00:37:50.000 This one lady...

00:37:51.000 This is going to be awful.

00:37:52.000 All right.

00:37:53.000 This one lady did it. 1.00

00:37:54.000 The first lady that I went to, right? 0.96

00:37:56.000 She did it and it didn't hurt that bad.

00:37:58.000 It wasn't as awkward as I thought it was going to be.

00:38:00.000 So I made a point with this lady to do it again. 1.00

00:38:03.000 They call me, like, this lady's tough to get, so you have to want her. 1.00

00:38:08.000 I'm like, yeah.

00:38:09.000 My wife's water breaks. 1.00

00:38:11.000 But I had the colonic appointment that day.

00:38:14.000 But it just broke.

00:38:15.000 And I'm like, look, the doctor said you're supposed to chill out, relax, take a shower.

00:38:19.000 I'm gonna go run, get my colonic, and I'll be back.

00:38:22.000 And she's like, you're gonna keep it?

00:38:23.000 I go, this lady's so tough to get. 1.00

00:38:25.000 And I got it.

00:38:25.000 Oh my god!

00:38:26.000 And I'm like, I know you have at least two hours. 1.00

00:38:29.000 You're so crazy. 0.95

00:38:29.000 And I ran and did the colonic. 0.95

00:38:31.000 I go, now we both know. 0.97

00:38:32.000 We both have had shit pulled from, everything's gonna be, we're on the even playing field now. 0.94

00:38:36.000 Everything's gonna be good. 0.98

00:38:37.000 I still better go. 1.00

00:38:38.000 Your shit and her baby are not the same. 1.00

00:38:40.000 I know. 1.00

00:38:41.000 How L.A.? How L.A.? I had to run because my kid's getting about to be delivered back.

00:38:45.000 I knew I had time.

00:38:46.000 I knew it. 1.00

00:38:47.000 I mentally prepared for this fucking thing. 1.00

00:38:49.000 You went straight Hollywood, son. 1.00

00:38:52.000 On the way back, I grabbed a soy latte.

00:38:55.000 Never had coffee.

00:38:57.000 Wow.

00:38:58.000 Yeah, he's not a coffee drinker.

00:38:59.000 No.

00:39:00.000 What about coffee enemas?

00:39:01.000 What's that all about?

00:39:02.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:39:02.000 People stuffing coffee up their assholes. 1.00

00:39:04.000 Coffee enemas? 1.00

00:39:04.000 What does that mean? 1.00

00:39:04.000 I don't understand what the- You never heard of that? 1.00

00:39:05.000 No.

00:39:06.000 Yeah, ground coffee. 1.00

00:39:07.000 Somehow or another they take coffee and they pump it up their asshole. 1.00

00:39:10.000 I don't know what that's about. 1.00

00:39:11.000 It's supposed to be good for you. 1.00

00:39:12.000 How do you get it up your asshole? 1.00

00:39:13.000 I guess you use like one of those things that you use to blow air on a fireplace. 1.00

00:39:18.000 What are those things called?

00:39:20.000 Fireplace bellows.

00:39:21.000 In the beginning, I was like, oh, he knows.

00:39:23.000 Oh, no, that's not right.

00:39:25.000 That thing isn't right.

00:39:26.000 That's not right.

00:39:26.000 Maybe a turkey baster.

00:39:27.000 You could have a big-ass turkey baster stuffing up your ass. 1.00

00:39:31.000 Why coffee? 1.00

00:39:32.000 And how many different things?

00:39:33.000 Because of the caffeine, probably? 1.00

00:39:35.000 People, look, man, the same people that invented ayahuasca, they said, what happens when you pour coffee up your ass? 1.00

00:39:39.000 What's next? 0.99

00:39:40.000 Let's combine these two things.

00:39:41.000 I don't know, man.

00:39:42.000 I guess it would just go right into your bloodstream.

00:39:44.000 There's a woman online. 0.88

00:39:46.000 Her YouTube name, I think, is Neuro Soup. 1.00

00:39:53.000 about taking DMT up her ass. - What? - She put DMT up her ass, and there it goes right into your bloodstream, 'cause it's open, as opposed to if you eat it, and it has to go through your stomach and everything. 1.00

00:40:05.000 So she takes this DMT up her ass, and has this 30 minute trip, as opposed to like a 15 minute trip. 1.00

00:40:11.000 You know, she probably got some fucking insane dose. 1.00

00:40:14.000 Because when you smoke it, you know, you're breaking it down. 0.99

00:40:16.000 It's got to go into your lungs. 1.00

00:40:17.000 I mean, it's probably much less than if you actually inject it right into your asshole. 1.00

00:40:23.000 You mainline it into your asshole. 1.00

00:40:25.000 People will try anything to get high. 1.00

00:40:29.000 I mean, how about those fucking assholes that get arrested and they have paint all over their face? 1.00

00:40:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:40:33.000 Because they've been puffing bags of paint. 1.00

00:40:36.000 Oh, God.

00:40:36.000 I used to do keyboard cleaner back in the day.

00:40:39.000 You did?

00:40:39.000 You did keyboard cleaner?

00:40:40.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:40:41.000 It was like the shit that you sprayed on your keyboards to clean and stuff. 0.99

00:40:46.000 And it was like whippets, pretty much. 0.99

00:40:48.000 Like you would do it, and then you'd start hearing the wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah thing.

00:40:53.000 And I remember I was with my friend, and he gets so pissed when I say this, but I was with my friend, and he was like, I'm a badass. 0.69

00:40:59.000 We're driving this little CRX, and he fucking does it while we're driving, and we're coming up to... 0.84

00:41:05.000 Wait, who's driving? 0.99

00:41:05.000 You or him? 0.99

00:41:06.000 No, he is.

00:41:06.000 He's driving.

00:41:07.000 Yeah, he pulls it out. 0.99

00:41:08.000 And I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? 0.99

00:41:09.000 He goes, dude, don't worry about it. 0.99

00:41:10.000 I'm not doing a lot. 0.99

00:41:11.000 And he fucking passes out. 0.99

00:41:13.000 What? 1.00

00:41:13.000 Foot goes on the gas. 1.00

00:41:15.000 Just like this.

00:41:16.000 He's like, hey, man. 0.99

00:41:17.000 He's just fucking here. 1.00

00:41:20.000 Pulling his head up. 1.00

00:41:22.000 Yeah.

00:41:22.000 Weekend of Bernie's style.

00:41:23.000 What a fucking great quote. 0.99

00:41:25.000 Don't worry, I'm not doing a lot! 1.00

00:41:28.000 And he passes that foot on the gas and was going up on a railroad track.

00:41:34.000 So you couldn't see if a car was coming on the other side of the railroad track.

00:41:36.000 So I was freaking out and I pulled up his emergency brake and he skidded out and crashed his car. 0.94

00:41:43.000 And the first thing he comes through, he goes, what the fuck happened? 0.99

00:41:45.000 And he goes, what the Fuck, man, my car! 1.00

00:41:47.000 I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about doing this shit, passing out with your foot on the gap? 1.00

00:41:51.000 Wait a minute, he was mad at you? 1.00

00:41:52.000 He was mad at me.

00:41:53.000 And I was like, yeah, here's what you should have done. 1.00

00:41:55.000 Fuck you, dude. 1.00

00:41:56.000 I don't know how close you are with this guy, but you should have rolled out of the car and let Destiny fucking take care of this guy. 1.00

00:42:01.000 Yeah, you should have gone Steve Austin style.

00:42:02.000 This guy should have just been like, whatever happens, happens.

00:42:05.000 And if he dies, he dies. 1.00

00:42:06.000 Rolling out of the car is dangerous as fuck. 1.00

00:42:09.000 That shit doesn't really work. 1.00

00:42:10.000 You hit your head on the concrete. 1.00

00:42:11.000 It looks awesome in the movies, but the reality of rolling out of the car...

00:42:14.000 Yeah, horrible.

00:42:14.000 Yeah, you're basically falling onto the concrete at 30 miles an hour.

00:42:18.000 Or whatever the fuck. 0.98

00:42:19.000 You're faster going. 0.99

00:42:19.000 How fast were you going when you crashed? 0.99

00:42:20.000 Probably not.

00:42:21.000 I mean, we were probably going 25 when you did it.

00:42:23.000 And then we probably went up to like 45 when...

00:42:26.000 You stomped on the gas?

00:42:27.000 It was like...

00:42:28.000 Oh my god. 0.99

00:42:29.000 It was scary as fuck. 0.98

00:42:30.000 Where's that dude now? 0.99

00:42:32.000 Well, he joined the Air Force, and then he...

00:42:35.000 He's one of the Special Six.

00:42:37.000 He's sealed Team Six.

00:42:38.000 They killed the frozen Bin Laden. 0.99

00:42:40.000 And he came out of the closet and told everyone except me, which is odd.

00:42:43.000 And then now he works for a company. 0.96

00:42:45.000 So he's gay. 0.91

00:42:46.000 Yeah, but he hasn't told his parents or anyone.

00:42:49.000 He's told all my friends except me.

00:42:49.000 No wonder he did so much drugs.

00:42:51.000 He's trying to mask.

00:42:53.000 Yeah, I guess that's probably what it is, right?

00:42:55.000 Yeah, he's probably going, I want to blow Brian so bad.

00:42:58.000 I can't, I can't.

00:42:59.000 I gotta just get high. 1.00

00:43:01.000 I just gotta stay fucking... 0.99

00:43:03.000 Something's gotta go... 1.00

00:43:04.000 Gotta change what's going on in my brain for me.

00:43:06.000 There was a study that somebody put up on the Rogan board, on the message board, about the increase, the number of people that are gay that have cancer as opposed to straight people.

00:43:15.000 And there's a much higher percentage of gay people. 1.00

00:43:19.000 Yeah, and we were trying to speculate what the fuck that is, whether it's drugs, because gay people party their asses off. 1.00

00:43:24.000 You know, especially young gay dudes, they party like fucking crazy. 1.00

00:43:28.000 Every night of the week, too. 1.00

00:43:30.000 Yeah, there's no like Sunday off.

00:43:32.000 Like Santa Monica Boulevard, like those bars and stuff, it's like Mardi Gras.

00:43:36.000 Every night.

00:43:37.000 Yeah, I went to this place called The Abbey here in Los Angeles, which is one of the bigger ones, I guess.

00:43:41.000 I went with a bunch of girls, and it was like 2 in the afternoon on a Sunday, full party.

00:43:46.000 I mean, hundreds and hundreds of people drunk, like, partying their asses on parades. 0.99

00:43:52.000 Yeah, they don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:43:53.000 No. 1.00

00:43:53.000 It looks like a fun life, except for all the AIDS and cancer and blood sex. 1.00

00:43:57.000 Yeah.

00:43:58.000 You know, it's not fun.

00:43:59.000 It's great going, like Ari Shaffir's all joke, it's great going being a straight guy, because all the chicks there are thinking everyone's gay, so they're like, oh!

00:44:07.000 They're never going to trust you. 0.62

00:44:08.000 They're always going to think you're partially gay. 0.91

00:44:10.000 Right. 1.00

00:44:11.000 But going into the bathroom, though, is like the worst experience because there's not only drug use, like, fucking everywhere. 0.98

00:44:18.000 People doing cocaine on the sinks and everything like that. 0.98

00:44:20.000 But, like, the stall is just one of those big, like, big bathtubs.

00:44:25.000 Yeah.

00:44:25.000 And it's just like, all right.

00:44:26.000 You make it feel like it's Woodstock.

00:44:27.000 You have fun while you're there because you get to hear Hendrix, but you come out filthy.

00:44:31.000 The stall's a bathtub? 0.55

00:44:32.000 What do you mean?

00:44:33.000 You know like those urinal stalls?

00:44:35.000 Oh, what are those?

00:44:35.000 No dividers.

00:44:37.000 They don't care.

00:44:38.000 Oh, those are weird.

00:44:38.000 What are those weird?

00:44:39.000 Those troughs? 0.56

00:44:39.000 Those you get a lot on the road. 0.56

00:44:42.000 If you're in some weird bar in like Oklahoma, you'll get a lot of those troughs.

00:44:46.000 You know what?

00:44:46.000 They have those at Fenway.

00:44:48.000 Do they?

00:44:48.000 Those troughs, yeah.

00:44:49.000 Makes sense. 0.99

00:44:50.000 Those dirty animals. 0.99

00:44:52.000 Just give them somewhere nonspecific to pee. 1.00

00:44:55.000 Fucking savages. 1.00

00:44:56.000 Just show me a hole to put my piss into. 1.00

00:44:58.000 Doesn't matter what it looks like.

00:45:00.000 One of the worst times ever, I used to be a manager of this coffee shop called Perfect Cup Cappuccino.

00:45:06.000 It was when Cappuccino just became big in the United States.

00:45:09.000 There was all these coffee shops popping up everywhere. 0.95

00:45:11.000 And right next door to it was one of the grossest gay bars in Columbus, Ohio. 1.00

00:45:15.000 And this is like goth gay. 1.00

00:45:17.000 This is like fucking the worst gay ever. 1.00

00:45:19.000 What is goth gay? 1.00

00:45:20.000 Do they have that?

00:45:21.000 Is that a style?

00:45:21.000 I don't know.

00:45:22.000 They hate everything.

00:45:25.000 They hate everything.

00:45:26.000 It's awful. 0.99

00:45:26.000 Other gay people, themselves, their parents, everything. 0.99

00:45:30.000 And the woman that owned this place, God bless her, she was just like this fucking cute little old lady that her husband died, so she died. 1.00

00:45:37.000 She was bored and sad, so she took all her money to get this nice little coffee shop. 0.97

00:45:41.000 And so she's training me to be like a manager of this place.

00:45:43.000 And there's this window looking in the backyard of this building, which is like an alley.

00:45:48.000 And she goes, now I made this little curtain, and she sewed this curtain to put it over the window at certain times.

00:45:56.000 She's like, sometimes you're going to have to shut this curtain because of this place next door.

00:46:00.000 I'm like, what is she talking about? 0.99

00:46:02.000 Now, this job I worked at was fucking awful. 0.97

00:46:05.000 I would come there at 5 a.m. 0.99

00:46:08.000 and work until 2 p.m.

00:46:10.000 every single day.

00:46:10.000 And there would be guys passed out in the back.

00:46:13.000 Oh! 0.99

00:46:14.000 Of this gay bar that just like had sex out in the back of the alley and then passed out on the ground. 0.99

00:46:18.000 And so one time I just sit there and listen to Howard Stern for hours. 0.98

00:46:22.000 That was my only thing to do.

00:46:24.000 No one ever came into this coffee shop.

00:46:25.000 So one time I'm like making chicken salad or something in the back of the place. 0.99

00:46:29.000 I look and there's just fucking three guys. 0.99

00:46:32.000 Completely naked. 1.00

00:46:33.000 Fucking butt sex. 1.00

00:46:35.000 There's fucking needles everywhere. 1.00

00:46:36.000 Fuck a curtain. 1.00

00:46:38.000 You should wall that fucking window up, dude. 1.00

00:46:41.000 Just put a wall and fill it up with cement. 0.99

00:46:43.000 Gee, I wonder why no one went into your coffee shop. 1.00

00:46:45.000 You're listening to Stern and there's a butt fuck going on next door. 1.00

00:46:50.000 Welcome sign out front. 0.99

00:46:51.000 Felt so bad.

00:46:52.000 Jesus, man.

00:46:53.000 I was like, she wanted a logo and she was going to pay me.

00:46:55.000 I was like, you know what?

00:46:56.000 I'll just make the logo for you.

00:46:57.000 I just felt so bad for this.

00:46:59.000 I only lasted like a month there, but I just became so depressed.

00:47:04.000 Why are you just depressed?

00:47:05.000 It sounds like they were having a good time.

00:47:06.000 No, because it was so awful. 1.00

00:47:08.000 It was just, like, those people would then come after having butt sex every morning, these homeless butt sex guys. 1.00

00:47:14.000 They'd come in and get coffees every day, and they would just, like, hang out and smell, like, butt sex and fucking Ari. 1.00

00:47:20.000 And they're like... 1.00

00:47:21.000 Oh, God.

00:47:21.000 Old books.

00:47:22.000 Old books and it was just the grossest like it looked like a country kitchen with butt-sex homeless people. 1.00

00:47:29.000 It's weird how gay dudes will totally take over a neighborhood. 1.00

00:47:32.000 They tell everybody hey man I'm moving here why don't you move here too and I'll just fuck all day. 1.00

00:47:35.000 They get like a whole group of them. 1.00

00:47:38.000 Lesbians have never figured out how to rock that. 1.00

00:47:41.000 They can't really organize the way gay dudes can. 1.00

00:47:43.000 Gay dudes can take over whole neighborhoods. 1.00

00:47:46.000 We're going to San Francisco this weekend, by the way. 0.99

00:47:49.000 Cobbs Comedy Club.

00:47:49.000 What made you think of San Francisco?

00:47:51.000 Almost sold out, bitches. 1.00

00:47:53.000 Because there's a lot of butt sex going on in San Francisco. 1.00

00:47:55.000 Son... 0.99

00:47:56.000 Cobb's Comedy Club this Thursday, Friday, and Saturday with Sam Tripoli. 1.00

00:48:00.000 Oh, shit! 0.99

00:48:01.000 And Tom Segura. 1.00

00:48:03.000 It's a fucking double whammy, folks. 0.99

00:48:04.000 That's gonna be fucking good. 0.99

00:48:05.000 Two headliners open up for me. 0.96

00:48:07.000 That's amazing.

00:48:07.000 It is amazing.

00:48:08.000 Yeah, dude. 1.00

00:48:08.000 Those guys are killers. 1.00

00:48:09.000 We're gonna have a good fucking time. 1.00

00:48:10.000 But, you know, there's areas of San Francisco that are, like, hugely gay. 0.99

00:48:16.000 I think Santa Monica Boulevard, though, tops it. 0.81

00:48:18.000 As far as, like, exclusively gay. 0.97

00:48:20.000 It's the gayest place on the planet. 1.00

00:48:21.000 It's like the epicenter of homo. 1.00

00:48:24.000 It's bigger than even Chelsea down in New York.

00:48:28.000 I think it's close.

00:48:29.000 There's just so many people in New York.

00:48:31.000 And it's so concentrated.

00:48:33.000 But West Hollywood, it's just like... 0.99

00:48:35.000 There's no rolling into West Hollywood and being like, what are you fucking guys doing here? 0.99

00:48:40.000 It's like, no, what the fuck are you doing here, bro? 0.99

00:48:42.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:48:42.000 Exactly. 0.99

00:48:43.000 The gay flag is our flag of Santa Monica Boulevard. 0.95

00:48:47.000 It's like, this is our place.

00:48:49.000 When you drive by Rage, have you ever driven by Rage on a Friday and Saturday night?

00:48:52.000 Dude, it's like Carnival outside.

00:48:54.000 People are just going crazy.

00:48:55.000 It certainly seems like they're having more fun. 0.98

00:48:58.000 I picked up one of those newspapers that had all the hookers and escorts and stuff like that, and they have whole pages with trannies. 1.00

00:49:04.000 And one of the things that says on it is 100% working, fully functional trannies. 1.00

00:49:09.000 Does that mean they got the vagina and now the vagina works so you can fuck it? 1.00

00:49:12.000 I don't think so. 1.00

00:49:13.000 I think they have a dick. 1.00

00:49:15.000 Oh, so that's what's fully functioning. 1.00

00:49:17.000 If I had to guess, I would say that their dick still works, but they're transvestite, not a transsexual. 1.00

00:49:22.000 Because when you say trannies, I think transsexual is like, they want to be a woman. 1.00

00:49:28.000 But a transvestite, they want to be a man dressed as a woman. 1.00

00:49:32.000 Yeah, transsexuals are probably the people that are starting the process of becoming the younger gender. 0.99

00:49:36.000 That's possible too, but some of them are just dudes that just for whatever weird reason like to dress up like girls.

00:49:41.000 Like Chaz Bono is...

00:49:44.000 What, a transsexual? 1.00

00:49:46.000 I don't know, but I almost had to watch that.

00:49:49.000 I had to take Mrs. Rogan somewhere, and I was in a waiting room for an hour, and I was watching Good Morning America, and then they were talking about Oprah being on Next. 0.60

00:49:59.000 You know, and not Next, it was like 3 p.m., and I was like, God damn it, I might have to watch this.

00:50:04.000 They keep teasing me with this Chaz Bono thing.

00:50:07.000 I want to see this story.

00:50:08.000 I want to know the real truth.

00:50:09.000 You won't get it from Oprah.

00:50:11.000 I want to get it from listening to her talk.

00:50:13.000 If I get it, I might get it from listening to him.

00:50:15.000 Oh, just hearing the answers of the questions she asked.

00:50:16.000 It's got to be that she was ignored.

00:50:18.000 That's the only thing that makes sense.

00:50:19.000 I get to see your wife's like, all right, let's go. 1.00

00:50:21.000 And I'm like, no, I got to watch the rest of this Oprah.

00:50:24.000 I understand.

00:50:24.000 I have it taped at home.

00:50:25.000 I understand lesbians because I think women are hot. 1.00

00:50:28.000 I get it. 0.96

00:50:28.000 You do too. 0.96

00:50:28.000 I get that too. 0.96

00:50:29.000 I get it.

00:50:30.000 It makes sense to me.

00:50:31.000 And her girlfriend, wait, his, I don't know, Chaz's girlfriend is cute. 0.93

00:50:37.000 She's a cute girl.

00:50:37.000 Really?

00:50:38.000 Yeah.

00:50:38.000 She's got a name.

00:50:39.000 She's got a name. 0.99

00:50:39.000 She's got a name, bro. 0.99

00:50:40.000 She's got some fucking pull. 1.00

00:50:43.000 It must work in the lesbian community as well. 1.00

00:50:45.000 Yeah, she's a very popular...

00:50:47.000 I mean, when your mom, no matter what you are, is Cher, that's still pretty good.

00:50:51.000 Yeah, Cher and Sonny Bono.

00:50:53.000 Yeah.

00:50:54.000 Not bad.

00:50:55.000 It's a story.

00:50:56.000 It's worth saying.

00:50:57.000 Who are you dating this year?

00:51:01.000 Chaz Bono, huh?

00:51:02.000 Chaz Bono, huh?

00:51:02.000 Yeah, that's interesting.

00:51:03.000 But what I was going to say is, I understand wanting to be gay.

00:51:08.000 I don't understand wanting to be the other sex. 1.00

00:51:10.000 But maybe it's just my own mind.

00:51:14.000 Don't knock until you try it, Joe.

00:51:15.000 Exactly.

00:51:16.000 Maybe some dudes are just wired a certain way.

00:51:17.000 I have a friend whose son is becoming a girl.

00:51:19.000 Oh, really?

00:51:20.000 Yeah, his son is just turning 18 and wants to be a girl.

00:51:23.000 So he's going through all the different steps. 1.00

00:51:26.000 But this poor fuck is in a bad situation. 1.00

00:51:30.000 He's in the middle of a crazy divorce and all kinds of other shit. 1.00

00:51:33.000 But just the idea of your son wanting to be a girl, like, you know, like, fuck, man. 1.00

00:51:37.000 What does Holtzman say about it? 1.00

00:51:39.000 Hey! 0.99

00:51:39.000 Easy! 0.99

00:51:41.000 Easy, son!

00:51:42.000 That's actually, he's joking around.

00:51:44.000 That's a Holtzman joke.

00:51:45.000 One of his best.

00:51:46.000 I used to call that out from the back of the room all the time.

00:51:49.000 I miss that.

00:51:49.000 I miss that guy.

00:51:50.000 I miss those days at the Comedy Store, man. 0.99

00:51:53.000 We had some good fucking times in that club. 0.98

00:51:55.000 A lot of bad energy, but a lot of good times. 0.99

00:51:59.000 You know what I heard that's hilarious?

00:52:00.000 What?

00:52:01.000 Two different people have told me this story.

00:52:02.000 That Tommy said that he used to be an actor, and he wanted to be an actor, but too many homos were hitting on him. 1.00

00:52:08.000 Of course!

00:52:09.000 Used to run an all-male review dance show down in Tampa, I think it was, Jacksonville, Florida.

00:52:15.000 Really?

00:52:15.000 And yeah, he truly wanted to become an actor.

00:52:19.000 He was an all-male review guy?

00:52:21.000 What does that mean?

00:52:21.000 He would host the all-male review dance show.

00:52:24.000 So it was like a gay strip show. 0.89

00:52:26.000 And he would host it? 0.99

00:52:27.000 Yeah, but he never liked when the gays came on to him. 0.99

00:52:30.000 Wow.

00:52:31.000 So that's why he stayed out of acting?

00:52:33.000 So that's why, yeah.

00:52:34.000 It was him and Johnny Depp, I think, are the two most irresistible...

00:52:40.000 Don't you think Johnny Depp would have been the guy that's like, look, I'm not getting into acting because I get hit on all the time.

00:52:45.000 Like, if Johnny Depp's cool with it, I think Tommy Morris should be cool with it.

00:52:48.000 I don't know.

00:52:48.000 You know, Johnny Depp, I have a special affection for that guy.

00:52:53.000 He's just, you know what?

00:52:54.000 I like him.

00:52:55.000 I like him, too.

00:52:55.000 I saw the...

00:52:56.000 He's legit.

00:52:58.000 The Pirates of the Caribbean.

00:52:59.000 First of all, he looks like he's 18 years old.

00:53:02.000 He looks like he can still do 21 Jump Street.

00:53:04.000 He's like 50. I've never seen anything like it.

00:53:06.000 And he smokes cigarettes.

00:53:08.000 Yeah.

00:53:09.000 It's just crazy.

00:53:10.000 Because it's France.

00:53:11.000 He lives in France.

00:53:12.000 Is that what it is?

00:53:12.000 He lives in France.

00:53:13.000 He comes on his own face.

00:53:15.000 He lives in France and just, is his wife French or something like that?

00:53:18.000 Yeah, his wife French.

00:53:19.000 I'm a big fan of him ever since I found out he was a big fan of Hunter S. Thompson.

00:53:22.000 And then when he did Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

00:53:24.000 He was great.

00:53:24.000 He was good.

00:53:24.000 He was very good.

00:53:25.000 Bill Murray was actually better.

00:53:26.000 Bill Murray did Where the Buffalo Rooms.

00:53:28.000 He played Hunter S. Thompson in that. 0.99

00:53:30.000 Fucking genius. 0.99

00:53:31.000 He nailed it. 0.99

00:53:31.000 But the movie was not as good. 0.99

00:53:33.000 Fear and Loathing was a much better movie.

00:53:35.000 Overall.

00:53:35.000 Yeah, but I don't think Johnny Depp's voice worked.

00:53:38.000 Like, there's certain impressions I can't do.

00:53:40.000 You know, I can't.

00:53:41.000 I try and my voice doesn't work that way.

00:53:43.000 And some people just can't do, like, Johnny Depp sounds like he's trying to sound like a version of Hunter S. Thompson, but Bill Murray sounds like Hunter S. Thompson.

00:53:53.000 But then when I found out that Johnny Depp lived in Hunter's basement and fucking stayed with him for fucking weeks and weeks trying to work on the whole impression of him. 0.59

00:53:59.000 Oh my god. 0.98

00:54:00.000 Dude, listen to this.

00:54:01.000 I was on a plane yesterday back from New York and Sally Field was sitting next to me. 0.97

00:54:06.000 So she was very nice and she was reading a book and at one point she stopped and we got into a conversation.

00:54:12.000 She's playing.

00:54:13.000 She's in this new movie where she's playing Abraham Lincoln's wife.

00:54:16.000 And Steven Spielberg is directing it.

00:54:18.000 And Daniel Day-Lewis is playing Abraham Lincoln. 1.00

00:54:21.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:54:21.000 So I said, I gotta ask you. 1.00

00:54:22.000 I said, just let me know if you can't answer it.

00:54:24.000 I go, has he started the process yet?

00:54:26.000 And she goes, yup.

00:54:28.000 And the way she said it, it was like, somewhere in the world, there's a man walking around right now. 0.99

00:54:33.000 Thinking that he is Abraham fucking Lincoln. 0.97

00:54:36.000 Yeah, that's what Daniel Day-Lewis does. 1.00

00:54:37.000 That's how gangster and crazy Daniel Day-Lewis gets into that shit. 0.99

00:54:40.000 Where it's like months and months and months in advance, he is preparing. 1.00

00:54:45.000 So that when he's there, that's all he is.

00:54:48.000 You know when he filmed There Will Be Blood, he slept in a tent on the set?

00:54:52.000 Yeah.

00:54:53.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:54:54.000 Remember he got all greasy and shit? 0.99

00:54:56.000 That's how he got into it. 0.99

00:54:57.000 That's how he got into his role.

00:54:58.000 He just became that guy. 0.67

00:54:59.000 Just crazy.

00:55:01.000 He's, in my opinion, the best.

00:55:02.000 He's the best. 0.99

00:55:03.000 And there's a reason why he only does a movie once every three years, because it takes that fucking, in his mind, I don't know if it always will, but right now it takes that to get to there, and it's like, fuck it, just do what you want to do. 0.99

00:55:13.000 Did you ever see that movie where he played a boxer? 0.99

00:55:15.000 Yeah.

00:55:15.000 The best boxing fight scenes.

00:55:17.000 It's called a boxer, right?

00:55:17.000 I think it was.

00:55:18.000 Yeah.

00:55:18.000 The best boxing fight scenes in any movie ever.

00:55:21.000 The most believable.

00:55:22.000 And I heard that Mark Wahlberg knew how to box.

00:55:24.000 I've heard that before.

00:55:25.000 What did you think of that?

00:55:25.000 I was going to ask you.

00:55:27.000 It was a good movie, but I felt like it was a little flat, and I felt like the fight scenes looked fake as fuck. 0.97

00:55:32.000 It's like, I'm doing this movie right now called Here Comes the Boom. 0.95

00:55:35.000 It's Kevin James' mixed martial arts movie.

00:55:37.000 Oh, cool.

00:55:38.000 It's a comedy, and it's also mixed martial. 1.00

00:55:39.000 The fucking fight scenes are off the chain. 1.00

00:55:43.000 Really? 0.99

00:55:43.000 They've got Ryan Parsons is helping him out there, and this dude Darryl, who's the fight coordinator, and, you know, Boss Rootin's helping him, too. 0.99

00:55:50.000 And they came up with these amazing fight fucking...

00:55:54.000 These sequences are... 0.83

00:55:55.000 They look so realistic and so good and so well shot and so dynamic and it keeps your interest. 0.94

00:56:00.000 Like I watched one of this Mayhem, Jason Mayhem Miller and Kevin James fight and I watched the fight and I'm like, this is fucking well done! 0.92

00:56:10.000 Really? 0.68

00:56:10.000 Like, it's totally realistic. 0.68

00:56:11.000 Like, the scenario's realistic.

00:56:13.000 But it's also, like, the way they shot it is super dynamic.

00:56:16.000 They're always moving.

00:56:17.000 Whereas I looked at the fighter, and I'm like, this seems flat.

00:56:20.000 It's like, this is like, we're watching Rocky 2, man.

00:56:22.000 I've seen this before.

00:56:23.000 I've seen these exact same scenes of this guy punching the other guy, and...

00:56:27.000 I think those kind of directors choose to do it like what they would consider artfully, where they're just going to keep the camera on it and let the action...

00:56:35.000 It's like you need to see different angles.

00:56:37.000 That's why watching fights live is amazing, but even on television, you cut to different angles.

00:56:43.000 When a guy's in this position, they can go around the other side, and it's cool to see those different things, whereas those artsy movies are like, well, we're just going to keep the camera there and let the...

00:56:52.000 Well, I think respectfully, Mark Wahlberg did not imitate...

00:56:57.000 Mickey Ward's style.

00:56:58.000 He just didn't.

00:56:59.000 He threw a decent left hook to the body. 0.98

00:57:01.000 That looked okay.

00:57:02.000 But Mickey Ward had a very particular way of holding his hands.

00:57:06.000 He had a very particular style of throwing his feints and his movement.

00:57:11.000 It was very easy to watch.

00:57:13.000 Anderson Silva is awesome at imitating fighters.

00:57:17.000 There's all these videos online of him imitating Lyoto Machida and imitating Chuck Liddell.

00:57:22.000 Fighters have styles.

00:57:23.000 They have a certain way they move.

00:57:24.000 And you can't just be you in a Boston accent and you call your name Mickey.

00:57:31.000 No, you have to move like Mickey Ward moved.

00:57:33.000 You have to box the way Mickey Ward boxed.

00:57:35.000 Which is why I thought...

00:57:36.000 You can't have your chin up in the air and throwing punches like a guy who's never been punched in the face.

00:57:41.000 Because that's what I'm watching.

00:57:42.000 I'm watching a guy throw punches in a boxing match that's not like the way a guy throws punches in a boxing match.

00:57:47.000 Maybe to me, I'm an extremist because one of my jobs is to watch fighting and analyze it and break it down.

00:57:55.000 But I'm watching this and I'm like, you didn't even try, man.

00:57:57.000 You didn't even try. 0.99

00:57:58.000 If I was your friend, if I was Mark Wahlberg's friend, I'd be like, yo, dude, this is a fucking... 0.99

00:58:02.000 Mickey Ward is one of those guys, especially in Boston, that... 0.99

00:58:07.000 And that's where he's from.

00:58:08.000 That's where Wahlberg's from, too.

00:58:10.000 There's a legend to that guy.

00:58:13.000 He's an all-time great Boston character.

00:58:16.000 His fights have the display of courage and will.

00:58:19.000 Those are all-time spectacular moments in boxing.

00:58:23.000 You owe a lot more than that, man.

00:58:24.000 You've got to work on that style.

00:58:27.000 And I also hope they don't do...

00:58:28.000 Well, first of all, I thought that... 0.96

00:58:29.000 What's-his-name-is-the-brother was fucking unbelievable. 0.98

00:58:32.000 Brilliant. 0.98

00:58:33.000 Dickie Eklund.

00:58:33.000 Yeah, because...

00:58:34.000 He knew the boxing, and you could tell that he probably didn't come from a boxing background, so whatever he started with was from fresh and to the point he got, I thought it was really good.

00:58:44.000 It was decent.

00:58:45.000 He also embodied the guy very, very well.

00:58:48.000 Very well.

00:58:49.000 I hope they don't do that.

00:58:50.000 Let's talk about them doing Fighter 2, where they'll get an Arturo Gatti out there.

00:58:55.000 We're trying to find...

00:58:56.000 Really?

00:58:57.000 Is there a talk about that?

00:58:58.000 I've heard...

00:58:59.000 I don't know.

00:58:59.000 I've heard just through different channels.

00:59:01.000 Well, I hope they do do that. 0.99

00:59:03.000 That would be stupid to me. 0.97

00:59:04.000 You say that, but what if they did a good job of it? 1.00

00:59:06.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.99

00:59:06.000 I never would have thought this one moved... 0.99

00:59:08.000 This was a good movie.

00:59:09.000 And Wahlberg is a good actor when he's acting.

00:59:13.000 But I just felt like in his fight scenes, I just felt like it wasn't enough like Mickey Ward.

00:59:17.000 And it wasn't realistic enough, man.

00:59:19.000 You know, you guys got to hit each other a little. 0.99

00:59:21.000 You know, I want to see you really get hit, man. 0.99

00:59:23.000 I want to see a little pat. 1.00

00:59:25.000 I want to see a slap. 1.00

00:59:26.000 I want to see a fucking jab knock your hair back, man. 1.00

00:59:28.000 I want to see it real. 0.99

00:59:29.000 I mean, this isn't real to me.

00:59:30.000 This is like, oh, here's the fight scene in the movie.

00:59:32.000 My heart didn't move at all. 1.00

00:59:34.000 When I watched that Kevin James thing, Kevin James and Mayhem, just the pure artistic version, like what they did, their version of the fight scene, I was like, these motherfuckers thought this shit out. 0.99

00:59:46.000 There's a camera on his chest while they're grappling. 0.99

00:59:49.000 There's like this wild shot of him getting belly-to-belly suplex from a camera on his chest.

00:59:54.000 Like, dude, it's good.

00:59:55.000 It's interesting.

00:59:56.000 It cuts from a bunch of different angles, and it looks like they're really fighting.

01:00:01.000 What kind of shape is he in right now?

01:00:03.000 He's got an incredible shape.

01:00:04.000 Did he really? 0.99

01:00:05.000 He lost 80 fucking pounds. 1.00

01:00:06.000 What? 1.00

01:00:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:00:07.000 Kevin...

01:00:07.000 Kevin James went on this all vegan, all live, all raw foods diet.

01:00:12.000 And he went on it a while ago.

01:00:13.000 This woman who wrote this book that Mrs. Rogan's reading right now.

01:00:17.000 And she's doing it too. 0.99

01:00:19.000 And some all raw foods, all like kale blended up and all this different shit. 0.91

01:00:24.000 And when Kevin was on that movie, the, what's that called? 0.97

01:00:27.000 The Dilemma?

01:00:28.000 With Vince Vaughn?

01:00:29.000 Yeah.

01:00:29.000 Vince and him became pals.

01:00:31.000 And Vince is like, bro, you know. 0.99

01:00:33.000 You're fucking really heavy. 0.99

01:00:34.000 You've got to do something. 0.99

01:00:35.000 But Kevin's like, I know.

01:00:36.000 I've been friends with Kevin for 20 years, and he's been struggling with his weight for 20 years.

01:00:39.000 We did Ball Cop together, and we would drive home together in Boston, and we would eat all day.

01:00:45.000 He had his own chef and stuff, and we'd eat well all day, and then we would hit McDonald's, Burger King, whatever.

01:00:50.000 It would be like $30, the bill, for two people.

01:00:52.000 I'm not kidding you, man.

01:00:54.000 Sounds like Joe Rogan. 0.98

01:00:55.000 He would kill it. 1.00

01:00:56.000 I could fuck up some food, son. 1.00

01:00:57.000 And he was so cool about it. 0.99

01:00:59.000 He'd be like, yeah, this is fucking good. 0.99

01:01:00.000 You'd just be eating it. 0.99

01:01:01.000 He doesn't have shame in it.

01:01:02.000 Kevin's a very, very honest dude.

01:01:04.000 But he also realized, like, God, I've got to do something about this.

01:01:07.000 So it's been nine months.

01:01:08.000 He's had no meat for nine months.

01:01:10.000 Everything has been all raw, vegan, everything super, super healthy.

01:01:14.000 But he's ready to go off like a rocket.

01:01:16.000 As soon as his filming's over, he's going to eat a whole cow.

01:01:18.000 Really?

01:01:19.000 Yeah, he's going to go straight to Ruth's Chris.

01:01:22.000 That's a wrap.

01:01:22.000 She's going to be a car that's going to drive him straight to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse.

01:01:26.000 He's going to get a fucking T-bone and mashed potatoes with gravy. 0.99

01:01:30.000 But he's lost a tremendous amount of weight. 0.99

01:01:32.000 80 pounds.

01:01:32.000 Wow.

01:01:32.000 Kevin has always had real martial arts skills.

01:01:35.000 I'm going to try to get him to do the podcast because I'm doing the movie.

01:01:38.000 I'm going to be with him for nine days.

01:01:41.000 And I'm going to try to get him to do the podcast.

01:01:44.000 But he's like...

01:01:45.000 Super private, man. 1.00

01:01:46.000 He doesn't like to talk about shit publicly. 0.99

01:01:48.000 He doesn't like to do exposing interviews. 0.99

01:01:50.000 The opposite of me, where I'll tell you exactly what I'm thinking about everything, he's not that kind of a guy.

01:01:56.000 He's a little bit more laid back.

01:01:58.000 It's hard to get him to...

01:02:00.000 I don't know if he's willing to do an interview like that, but the story is very interesting. 0.99

01:02:03.000 He's lost 80 fucking pounds. 0.96

01:02:05.000 He looks fantastic. 0.99

01:02:06.000 His face is all thin.

01:02:08.000 He's still a little fat.

01:02:09.000 He's not shredded.

01:02:11.000 He doesn't look like Anderson Silva.

01:02:12.000 Yeah, he doesn't look like I saw Mayhem recently and now it makes sense why he's so thick.

01:02:17.000 Mayhem's just gotten thick lately too.

01:02:19.000 Well, it's because Mayhem hasn't fought in a long time. 0.99

01:02:21.000 Mayhem got fucked. 1.00

01:02:22.000 These Strikeforce morons. 1.00

01:02:23.000 Because Mayhem got in a fight, there was a fight where Jake Shields beat Dan Henderson. 1.00

01:02:29.000 Awesome fight.

01:02:29.000 and it was a big event on CBS.

01:02:31.000 The whole CBS event, though, was a disaster because their production was so unorganized that they went way, way, way over the time.

01:02:39.000 An hour and a half or something over their allotted time.

01:02:42.000 So they went into the news, they went past the news, they went into some other show that was on past the news.

01:02:46.000 It was so bad.

01:02:47.000 The UFC's never done anything remotely like this ever.

01:02:50.000 I mean, they just don't know what they're doing.

01:02:52.000 They were real raw in the game.

01:02:53.000 And anyway, Mayhem and Jake Shields had fought to a very close decision.

01:02:57.000 It was a really good fight.

01:02:58.000 And at one point in time, Mayhem had Jake Shields back with a rear naked choke in and Jake was going out I mean, it was locked in.

01:03:05.000 It was a wrap.

01:03:06.000 There was no way Mayhem was letting go.

01:03:08.000 He was palm to palm.

01:03:09.000 He had the forearm across the neck.

01:03:11.000 Jake was turning red.

01:03:12.000 Boom.

01:03:12.000 The bell rang.

01:03:13.000 And he wanted a rematch, so they let Mayhem in the cage. 0.92

01:03:17.000 And Mayhem interrupted the interview between Jake Shields and the commentator, Gus Johnson, and said, How about my rematch? 0.99

01:03:23.000 And then Jake Shield's buddy said, get the fuck out of here. 0.92

01:03:26.000 And then Nick Diaz and Nate Diaz and Jake and Gilbert Melendez. 0.99

01:03:29.000 It turned into a fucking brawl on CBS. Well, they blamed Mayhem. 0.99

01:03:33.000 Meanwhile, Mayhem didn't throw the first punch.

01:03:36.000 Mayhem got beat up.

01:03:37.000 He was on his back, and they were kicking him in the head.

01:03:40.000 And they're blaming him.

01:03:41.000 And so they wouldn't let him fight again.

01:03:42.000 He couldn't fight on Showtime, and he couldn't fight on CBS. And they didn't tell him.

01:03:46.000 So they were pussies about it. 1.00

01:03:47.000 So for a fucking year, this guy's been sitting on the bench. 1.00

01:03:49.000 Sitting around doing nothing. 0.99

01:03:50.000 So he's been lifting and he's been getting bigger. 0.99

01:03:52.000 You know, when you don't have to make 185 pounds, you just eat whatever the fuck you want to eat. 0.94

01:03:55.000 You don't have anything on the horizon. 0.98

01:03:57.000 You know, he gets big.

01:03:58.000 Ma'am's a big boy.

01:03:59.000 He could fight 205 if he wanted to.

01:04:01.000 You know, he can walk around easy at like 220, 225. But, you know, at 85, he's big as fuck. 0.99

01:04:06.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:04:07.000 So he's going to be fighting in the UFC now.

01:04:08.000 He's going to be fighting July 2nd again.

01:04:10.000 Aaron Simpson.

01:04:11.000 You want to go? 1.00

01:04:11.000 Oh, fuck yeah. 1.00

01:04:12.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

01:04:12.000 You're in! 1.00

01:04:14.000 Sweet.

01:04:14.000 You want to go?

01:04:15.000 I can't.

01:04:16.000 No?

01:04:17.000 No, it's July 2nd now.

01:04:18.000 It's July 2nd.

01:04:18.000 Can't do it.

01:04:19.000 Kalanick Day! 0.97

01:04:20.000 Got a Kalanick for 10-15. 0.99

01:04:21.000 Big fuck-up this weekend, man. 0.92

01:04:23.000 Gray Maynard and Frankie Edgar, the fight's canceled. 0.99

01:04:26.000 What happened?

01:04:27.000 Five-round championship fight, that's the main event, are canceled.

01:04:30.000 Why?

01:04:30.000 Gray Maynard, apparently, it hurt his knee, but he was going to fight anyway.

01:04:35.000 You know, because it was for a title shot, so he was going to figure out how to just nurse his knee.

01:04:39.000 You know, it's three weeks away.

01:04:40.000 But Frankie Edgar broke his ribs.

01:04:42.000 Oh.

01:04:43.000 And when his ribs are broken, there's no way. 1.00

01:04:46.000 He's fucked. 0.99

01:04:46.000 Anderson Silva actually fought Chael Sonnen with a broken rib. 0.99

01:04:49.000 It was either a broken rib or a separated rib.

01:04:51.000 There was something wrong with his rib.

01:04:53.000 But he took it anyway.

01:04:55.000 I guess he felt like he could still pull it off, and he did.

01:04:58.000 But with Edgar, apparently it was too bad.

01:05:00.000 He couldn't do anything.

01:05:01.000 So Frankie Edgar and Gray Maynard is going to be moved to somewhere around...

01:05:06.000 I think they said, depending on how everybody heals up, it'll be like late summer, early fall, somewhere around then.

01:05:12.000 So now I don't know who the main event is.

01:05:13.000 I think it's going to be Rampage versus Matt Hamill.

01:05:16.000 Nice.

01:05:17.000 Rick Story versus Tiago Alves is a big fight on that card, too. 0.99

01:05:20.000 That's a fucking nasty fight. 0.85

01:05:21.000 With the UFC buying Strikeforce, is there going to be more events now, or just bigger events when you do events? 0.98

01:05:28.000 It's a good question.

01:05:29.000 As of right now, it's two different companies.

01:05:31.000 As of right now, they own both, and so they can bring guys over.

01:05:35.000 They brought Mayhem over to the UFC because they own both of them. 1.00

01:05:39.000 If you fucks aren't going to fight them, this guy's one of the most popular fighters in the world, and you idiots aren't fighting him. 1.00

01:05:44.000 What kind of nonsense is that? 1.00

01:05:45.000 That's so awesome.

01:05:46.000 I'm so glad that he's going to be in the UFC finally.

01:05:48.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:05:49.000 It'll be huge for him.

01:05:51.000 It'll be huge.

01:05:51.000 And you know what?

01:05:52.000 He should have been in the UFC a long time ago.

01:05:55.000 The real problem with Strikeforce is what...

01:05:58.000 I don't remember who said this, but it's very astute.

01:06:01.000 They said that when you watch Strikeforce, what was awesome about it was you guys see a lot of knockouts and a lot of submissions.

01:06:08.000 And sometimes you watch the UFC and the guys are so evenly matched that they kind of cancel each other out.

01:06:13.000 That is true.

01:06:14.000 It's because they're mismatches, though.

01:06:16.000 One of the reasons why they're so exciting is because it's Paul Daly versus Scott Smith.

01:06:19.000 And the reality is Scott Smith really can't stand with Paul Daly.

01:06:22.000 So it does turn out to be a spectacular knockout.

01:06:27.000 It's better that there's more competition.

01:06:29.000 It's better.

01:06:30.000 But sometimes the fights aren't nearly as exciting because these guys cancel each other out. 0.97

01:06:35.000 But then sometimes when you get two of the baddest motherfuckers in the world, and one guy takes a chance, like Anderson Silva versus Vitor, and it winds up being ultra spectacular and even worth more because you know that these guys are the best guys in the fucking world. 0.94

01:06:49.000 So it's all tricky, man. 0.98

01:06:53.000 It's all tricky.

01:06:54.000 It's going to be better to have all these fighters in, but they have to figure out what exactly they're going to do.

01:06:59.000 I do miss the mismatches of the old UFCs, you know, like where it's a black belt in jiu-jitsu versus a bartender of the Applebee's.

01:07:07.000 Yeah, those are fun as far as a spectacle.

01:07:10.000 So yeah, I guess they've moved Tiago Alves versus Rick Story to the main card, but there's a lot of good fights on this, man.

01:07:17.000 Do they have any of those fight fantasy camps? 0.99

01:07:20.000 You know how they have for basketball and baseball, like go down and play with old Yankees and That's a good question, but go down and get your fucking brain smashed in by Matt Hamill. 0.99

01:07:29.000 But I'm sure there's dudes that would do it. 0.98

01:07:29.000 Yeah, there are dudes that would do it. 0.98

01:07:31.000 Well, you know, it's like training.

01:07:32.000 Yeah, they should do something like that.

01:07:34.000 It's not a bad idea.

01:07:35.000 Miguel Torres versus Mighty Mouse Johnson. 0.99

01:07:37.000 That is the fucking fight. 0.99

01:07:39.000 This guy, Demetrius Mighty Mouse Johnson, he fought on Spike TV last time. 1.00

01:07:43.000 He fought Kid Yamamoto, who at one point in time was one of the baddest motherfuckers in the world. 0.84

01:07:47.000 and now he's down to his real weight of 135 pounds. 0.98

01:07:50.000 He could not. 1.00

01:07:51.000 Fuck with this dude. 1.00

01:07:51.000 This dude, Mighty Mouse Johnson, is this tiny little guy who moves faster than I've ever seen anyone. 1.00

01:07:57.000 He is the perfect reason, like the perfect version of the 135 pound fighter.

01:08:04.000 If you wanted an argument, like why do they have this 135 pound weight class?

01:08:08.000 Watch that guy. 0.76

01:08:09.000 Because nobody at 185 can move like that. 1.00

01:08:12.000 This fucking guy moves like a lightning bolt. 1.00

01:08:15.000 Just diving under punches. 1.00

01:08:17.000 His double leg takedown is faster than any I've ever seen before. 0.97

01:08:20.000 And his stand-up is fast as fuck, too.

01:08:22.000 So this guy is fighting the former champion, Miguel Torres. 1.00

01:08:25.000 That's a sick fucking fight. 0.98

01:08:26.000 I hope that's on the main card. 1.00

01:08:28.000 I think it is.

01:08:29.000 It might not be.

01:08:30.000 It might be a swing bout or something.

01:08:32.000 It might be the Spike.

01:08:32.000 Oh, it is.

01:08:33.000 I think it's a Spike TV fight.

01:08:34.000 Did Strikeforce have girl fighting?

01:08:37.000 Yes, they do have girl fighting. 1.00

01:08:38.000 And did Dana just cancel all that? 0.83

01:08:39.000 No, he didn't cancel all that.

01:08:41.000 They had this fighter summit where they met and they talked about the girl fights.

01:08:45.000 And they talked about, you know, they had some sort of a meeting.

01:08:47.000 Have you ever called a girl fight?

01:08:48.000 No, I've never called a girl fight.

01:08:50.000 I would have to be more special.

01:08:51.000 Not an official one.

01:08:52.000 Yeah, I've called some ones in bars.

01:08:54.000 Yeah.

01:08:56.000 Those are always more fun.

01:08:58.000 Yeah, I guess.

01:09:00.000 I don't know, man.

01:09:00.000 That's why I love watching those YouTube videos of chicks fighting at Denny's and stuff like that.

01:09:04.000 Like that one that was all over the place.

01:09:06.000 I saw it on Deadspin.

01:09:07.000 Because it's just the people...

01:09:08.000 Especially when girls fight. 1.00

01:09:10.000 It's the people... 0.99

01:09:10.000 I don't really give a fuck about how to fight. 0.99

01:09:12.000 I love watching the peripheral people like, Oh, bitch! 1.00

01:09:16.000 Like, just the fucking... 1.00

01:09:17.000 Just grab their hair and fucking... 1.00

01:09:20.000 It's just so much better and more animated. 1.00

01:09:23.000 The people around them just fucking calling shit out. 0.99

01:09:26.000 Did you see that one a couple weeks ago? 1.00

01:09:27.000 There was a video going around that it was a fight at Denny's where a black guy was dressed up as Bobo Fett.

01:09:33.000 He must have just got off some Star Wars convention and stuff.

01:09:36.000 And he's just sitting there videotaping this booth next to him.

01:09:38.000 These chicks all fighting with a cop. 1.00

01:09:40.000 And suddenly this one girl just swings and tries to punch the cop in the face. 1.00

01:09:44.000 Oh my god.

01:09:45.000 They just throw the girl down. 1.00

01:09:46.000 Just...

01:09:47.000 It's funny how you can go from trying to be civilized to just smashing this girl onto the ground. 0.98

01:09:52.000 Or putting on your Boba Fett costume and then getting smashed onto the ground later on that night.

01:09:57.000 Was that WorldStarHipHop?

01:09:58.000 Yes, I think it was.

01:10:00.000 Dude, that one website, WorldStarHipHop, is the conglomeration of the worst beatdowns in the history of the internet.

01:10:06.000 Dude, world star.

01:10:08.000 Little Esther was just on there the other day. 0.98

01:10:09.000 Did you see that?

01:10:10.000 For what?

01:10:11.000 Her video of her asking the sex questions as dressed up as a little girl.

01:10:15.000 They had her as the video of the week or something like that.

01:10:17.000 Well, they'll put on anything. 1.00

01:10:18.000 It doesn't have to be hip-hop related, but a lot of it is black people getting the fuck beat out of them. 1.00

01:10:23.000 And, dude, there's one video where one guy's talking shit and he gets knocked out. 1.00

01:10:26.000 And then everybody runs by and punches and kicks this guy while he's unconscious. 1.00

01:10:31.000 It is fucking disturbing. 1.00

01:10:33.000 One guy uses his head like a fucking soccer ball. 1.00

01:10:36.000 And he just runs up and boots him in the head. 1.00

01:10:38.000 Then another guy comes up and punches him in the head.

01:10:39.000 And they're all doing it while this guy's unconscious with his pants down.

01:10:42.000 It's hard to watch, man. 0.99

01:10:45.000 Human beings, man, when they get away with shit, I mean, we see it a little bit on the internet when people are anonymous and they snipe at you and say evil mean shit, but when they know they can get away with shit, you see the weakness of a human's character. 0.99

01:10:58.000 You see, like, the lowest a person can go. 1.00

01:11:00.000 There's very few things lower than you see a guy who just got knocked the fuck out and you just run over and kick him in the head because you can't. 0.99

01:11:06.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:11:06.000 It takes a special kind of fucked up, in pain human being to do that, to dehumanize an unconscious guy like that. 0.99

01:11:13.000 But there's a bunch of videos on WorldStarHipHop of people doing that, man. 0.98

01:11:18.000 You guys know who Mike Epps is, don't you?

01:11:20.000 The comic?

01:11:20.000 Yeah, I saw that video.

01:11:22.000 What video?

01:11:23.000 Someone served him while he was on stage, served him subpoena.

01:11:26.000 Really?

01:11:27.000 While he's performing.

01:11:28.000 The woman just threw it on the stage. 1.00

01:11:31.000 And then he goes off and says, some bitch just threw some papers on the motherfucking stage. 1.00

01:11:35.000 White bitch. 1.00

01:11:36.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:11:36.000 Yeah, white bitch. 1.00

01:11:37.000 And then he admitted to participating in a nightclub brawl saying, this is from when I whooped that nigga's ass in Detroit. 1.00

01:11:46.000 And then he continued to talk about the process server while she's walking to the exit. 1.00

01:11:50.000 He's saying, bitch, I don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:11:52.000 Suck my dick. 1.00

01:11:54.000 Wow. 1.00

01:11:55.000 All on stage in the middle.

01:11:56.000 Can you imagine?

01:11:56.000 Is there a transcript of this?

01:11:57.000 There's a video of it we can listen to.

01:11:59.000 Well, think about it.

01:11:59.000 We're the only people that, like, if you wanted to kill us or serve us, you know exactly where we are.

01:12:05.000 It's on our website.

01:12:06.000 At 8 o'clock on Friday, Steve Benazizi will be in Cleveland on stage.

01:12:09.000 Yeah, at 8 o'clock, you know the place.

01:12:11.000 I got the address.

01:12:12.000 Here's the phone number if you want tickets.

01:12:14.000 Here's the audio for me if you want to hear the audio.

01:12:16.000 Sure.

01:12:17.000 Let's hear it.

01:12:29.000 He might as well be...

01:12:30.000 You can't really hear it. 1.00

01:12:32.000 Kill that shit. 1.00

01:12:33.000 Yeah, that's like cell phone. 1.00

01:12:34.000 He might as well be speaking Martian.

01:12:35.000 Yeah.

01:12:36.000 That guy's got a...

01:12:36.000 It's Martian talk.

01:12:37.000 I heard he...

01:12:38.000 I don't know.

01:12:38.000 This may not be true, but I heard he pulled...

01:12:40.000 Or got a gun pulled on him or pulled a gun on him in the middle of a set one time.

01:12:44.000 Whoa.

01:12:45.000 Yeah.

01:12:46.000 Joey Cola was performing at Pips in Brooklyn, and there was a guy sitting in the front row that was heckling him, and the guy pulled up his shirt and showed him a pistol.

01:12:54.000 I was there the night Holtzman got the gun pulled on him by the undercover cop.

01:12:57.000 Really? 0.99

01:12:57.000 Yeah, Holtzman's on stage, and he was shitting on cops. 0.99

01:12:59.000 We called the cops on that guy.

01:13:00.000 And then Holtzman, you know, the guy was an off-duty cop, and the guy pulled the gun out.

01:13:07.000 I don't think he pulled...

01:13:08.000 No, he didn't pull it out.

01:13:08.000 He showed the gun.

01:13:09.000 Then Holtzman just kept going, of course, as if just to say, well, let it happen now if it's going to happen.

01:13:16.000 And then left.

01:13:17.000 And then the guy was in the...

01:13:17.000 Remember, he was in the parking lot walking around.

01:13:19.000 His girlfriend was there.

01:13:20.000 That's when he pulled the gun out.

01:13:21.000 That's when we called the cops.

01:13:22.000 And the cops took him around the corner behind the House of Blues and let him go.

01:13:26.000 Remember, they did the big dog and pony show, put him in the back of the car, handcuffed, and then we followed him around.

01:13:32.000 And they let him go behind.

01:13:33.000 He had his wife come pick him up.

01:13:35.000 Wow.

01:13:35.000 Boom.

01:13:36.000 Gone.

01:13:36.000 Well, you know, cops have to look out for their own, but that's an embarrassing moment for them.

01:13:40.000 He was wasted.

01:13:41.000 Ugh, that's so weak.

01:13:42.000 I was there.

01:13:43.000 I remember that.

01:13:43.000 Yeah.

01:13:44.000 I remember that vaguely.

01:13:45.000 I remember that because I was, like, sort of on the outside of it, and when the cops came, I was like, what happened?

01:13:49.000 Like, what? 1.00

01:13:50.000 Kind of a crazy asshole. 1.00

01:13:52.000 Like, what do you think? 1.00

01:13:52.000 You're just going to get away with that? 1.00

01:13:53.000 No one's going to call the police?

01:13:54.000 Well, he did. 1.00

01:13:56.000 What a silly man. 1.00

01:13:57.000 Thinks he's going to be able to pull a fucking gun out like that. 1.00

01:14:00.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:14:00.000 Those cops that used to patrol that area, they were cool as fuck. 1.00

01:14:05.000 They were, yeah. 0.99

01:14:06.000 Remember that big, what the fuck is his name, Mike? 0.96

01:14:08.000 Yeah, they used to park on the ramp and just come in and hang out. 0.97

01:14:11.000 Yeah, and they'd come in and watch the show and hang out.

01:14:14.000 I think they all do.

01:14:16.000 I opened up my truck and he goes, why does it smell like weed in your car?

01:14:19.000 I go, because I smoke good weed.

01:14:20.000 What kind of question is that?

01:14:21.000 It's smelly.

01:14:22.000 Yeah.

01:14:23.000 You know?

01:14:24.000 I think they worked at Kimmel, too.

01:14:25.000 I know Barris is friends with all of them.

01:14:27.000 They do security or something like that.

01:14:28.000 I used to hook those guys up with UFC tickets.

01:14:30.000 Oh, really? 0.99

01:14:31.000 Yeah, they were cool as fuck. 0.99

01:14:33.000 Who likes watching dudes beat the fuck out of each other more than cops? 0.99

01:14:36.000 Yeah.

01:14:38.000 And they're all martial artists.

01:14:40.000 I've known so many cops from jiu-jitsu.

01:14:43.000 If you're a cop, man, you better learn how to fight.

01:14:45.000 You better learn something.

01:14:46.000 At some point, you're going to have to.

01:14:47.000 You have to.

01:14:47.000 When I see a guy who's completely out of shape and obviously not skilled and he's a cop, that's a scary place to be, man.

01:14:56.000 It's scary to be a cop anyway, but it's really scary to be a cop where you pull your gun out, click, click, click, the bullets don't work, you're unarmed and he's unarmed, now what? 0.99

01:15:05.000 That's scary as fuck. 0.99

01:15:06.000 There was a video of a guy getting loose in prison. 0.99

01:15:10.000 They were handcuffing him and they were bringing him somewhere.

01:15:13.000 And there was like two cops. 0.89

01:15:14.000 And he just starts beating the fuck out of these two cops. 0.89

01:15:17.000 And they were so helpless. 0.97

01:15:19.000 They did not know how to fight.

01:15:21.000 The guy tries to grab a hold of him.

01:15:22.000 He doesn't have any technique.

01:15:23.000 He probably never been blasting in the face before. 0.99

01:15:25.000 So he's freaking the fuck out. 0.99

01:15:26.000 He realizes this wild, crazy prisoner is teeing off on him. 0.99

01:15:30.000 And then the other guy tries to jump on him. 0.89

01:15:31.000 He blasts the other guy.

01:15:33.000 It was ugly. 0.99

01:15:34.000 This guy beat the fuck out of two security guards. 1.00

01:15:36.000 Beat the fuck out of them. 1.00

01:15:37.000 Unconscious. 0.99

01:15:38.000 You know, they thought two guys would be enough to contain him.

01:15:41.000 Because they didn't know how to fight.

01:15:43.000 That must be the most terrifying place to be.

01:15:46.000 Not knowing how to fight and being stuck with a crazy prisoner.

01:15:50.000 Yeah.

01:15:50.000 Who's just nothing to lose, man.

01:15:52.000 Especially if the guys are in for murder.

01:15:53.000 Those guys.

01:15:54.000 The guys that are in for life.

01:15:56.000 Well, yeah.

01:15:57.000 What do they have to lose?

01:15:58.000 You're gonna take more life? 1.00

01:16:00.000 What a weird fucking life that must be. 0.99

01:16:02.000 You ever watch those movies or those documentaries where they go into, like... 1.00

01:16:06.000 There was one of them where they went into this one guy was stabbing this guy.

01:16:10.000 It was all on camera.

01:16:11.000 I forget what the name of the documentary was, but he was stabbing this guy in the eye like over and over and over and over again.

01:16:18.000 He was stabbing this guy and he was screaming out white power and he jumped up. 1.00

01:16:21.000 There's some white power jumping off in this motherfucker. 1.00

01:16:23.000 And this guy is on the ground, like barely alive, a hundred fucking holes in his head. 1.00

01:16:28.000 He's just stabbing him over and over again in the head. 1.00

01:16:31.000 I'm like, wow.

01:16:33.000 This is a totally different world.

01:16:37.000 There's levels, there's a spectrum of human behavior.

01:16:40.000 And when you see that spectrum, when you see that Mexican lady... 1.00

01:16:44.000 Last week there was a video of some cartel woman chopping some guy's head off slowly and then skinning his face.

01:16:51.000 They skin his face and they put it all on video.

01:16:54.000 When you get to that level, there's levels of humanity where it's just like, whoa.

01:16:59.000 When you hear about what Vlad the Impaler used to do, the guy that was responsible for the legend of Dracula. 0.99

01:17:06.000 The legend of Dracula came from an actual man who was such a ruthless motherfucker that he would impale people on sticks. 0.99

01:17:12.000 And keep their head on a stick, right? 0.99

01:17:13.000 Their whole body, their head, parts of their body. 0.98

01:17:16.000 And he would eat them. 0.92

01:17:17.000 And he'd eat their flesh and he would force them to eat each other.

01:17:20.000 He would cut their pieces up and cook it and feed it to each other. 0.98

01:17:23.000 Yeah, and then he would leave them up there for months and people would come over his house like, yeah, there's fucking some people I killed the other day. 1.00

01:17:29.000 He wanted to make sure that everybody knew he was a bad motherfucker. 1.00

01:17:32.000 Do not fuck with me. 1.00

01:17:33.000 I'm taking shit to the next level. 1.00

01:17:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:17:37.000 Yeah, you may be willing to die, but are you willing to be put on a fucking stick and have me eat you for the next three days? 0.99

01:17:43.000 When things happen, man, when you hear about people kicking shit up to the highest, scariest notches, like one of the scariest things that I ever read was about people that had arrived, the first people that arrived and encountered Native Americans. 1.00

01:17:57.000 And some of the fucked up things they did to the Native American babies, dashed their heads on rocks, picked them up by their feet and dashed them on the rocks. 0.99

01:18:05.000 This was Columbus, man. 0.99

01:18:06.000 Columbus' boys. 0.98

01:18:07.000 Dude, Columbus was essentially a mass murderer. 0.99

01:18:09.000 Columbus was essentially a serial killer.

01:18:12.000 What those people had done, Columbus and the people that came with him, What they had done to the Native Americans that were there.

01:18:18.000 I don't know if there was resistance, if the Native Americans attacked first. 0.98

01:18:22.000 I don't know what the fuck started it all off. 0.85

01:18:24.000 But if you go into the ancient... 0.95

01:18:27.000 I was writing a script once at one point in time.

01:18:29.000 I was writing a movie.

01:18:31.000 A werewolf movie about the Old West.

01:18:33.000 It was like a long time ago, 10 years ago. 0.97

01:18:35.000 As I'm writing this, I started really getting into the Old West and reading all these stories about all these different battles and the fucking brutality on both sides. 1.00

01:18:45.000 The brutality, the horrible shit that people would do where American soldiers would cut the pussy out of dead American Indians. 1.00

01:18:53.000 Cut their pussy out and wear it on their hats. 1.00

01:18:55.000 It was like a thing that they did all the time. 1.00

01:18:58.000 That's probably why they did it.

01:19:00.000 Because they turned to their other buddies and your buddies went...

01:19:03.000 It probably is why.

01:19:05.000 The reaction still hasn't changed. 0.99

01:19:07.000 It's also to let people know that you're taking shit to the next level. 0.98

01:19:12.000 And everybody has this romanticized vision of how the American Indians lived and they were in peace and harmony. 0.99

01:19:18.000 Yes and no, because they weren't in peace and harmony with themselves.

01:19:21.000 No, they were in fighting.

01:19:22.000 They fought all the time.

01:19:23.000 The Sioux Indians, for example, like the term Sioux, that's not what they called themselves.

01:19:28.000 What they called themselves is Lakota.

01:19:30.000 They were the Lakota people.

01:19:32.000 The other Indians called them the Sioux, because Sioux means enemy.

01:19:36.000 Really? 1.00

01:19:36.000 Yes, because these motherfuckers were just the biggest, baddest motherfuckers, and they would come in and kick ass on the other Indians and rape their women and kill everybody. 1.00

01:19:43.000 And so they called them the Sioux. 1.00

01:19:47.000 What a weird way to live, though. 1.00

01:19:48.000 Riding around on animals, shooting fucking pointed sticks at other animals. 1.00

01:19:51.000 Look at my pussy hat. 1.00

01:19:52.000 And by the way, they didn't even have horses until the Spaniards arrived. 0.99

01:19:56.000 Yeah, until they brought them over.

01:19:57.000 Yeah, when the Europeans arrived, that's when they started riding horses. 0.99

01:20:00.000 Before, they were living this crazy, nomadic life of thousands of years ago.

01:20:05.000 They had nothing going on.

01:20:07.000 They didn't have the wheel. 0.98

01:20:08.000 They didn't have shit happening. 0.98

01:20:09.000 They were living this weird, harmonious, almost animal-like, advanced animal life. 0.98

01:20:14.000 You know, they would do a lot of hunts where they would do hunts by exhaustion where they would follow a deer and a warrior would chase a deer down and literally run at that deer until that deer died of exhaustion and then they would kill it and then they would all eat it.

01:20:31.000 But they would chase them for miles.

01:20:34.000 They just were in such incredible shape.

01:20:36.000 Well, they had to do this to stay alive.

01:20:39.000 When you don't have a horse to chase after something, you have to chase after it on foot. 0.98

01:20:45.000 Maybe your bows and arrows suck.

01:20:47.000 Maybe you haven't figured that out yet. 0.99

01:20:49.000 So you're living like people lived thousands and thousands of years ago. 0.87

01:20:52.000 So in Europe, they had written language, they had culture, they had plays, they had all this shit going on. 0.51

01:20:58.000 They were so advanced as far as like society. 0.99

01:21:00.000 And then you would come to North America and there was savages, like literally.

01:21:06.000 Sometimes I'm so tired, I'm like, I'm not even going to walk to the store. 1.00

01:21:10.000 Buy the shit that has already been killed for me. 1.00

01:21:13.000 I know, right? 1.00

01:21:14.000 And then you gotta get out of the car.

01:21:16.000 I watched True Grit the other day.

01:21:17.000 Did you like it?

01:21:18.000 It was good, man.

01:21:19.000 The new one is good. 0.99

01:21:20.000 He's a good actor, fucking Jeff Bridges, bro. 1.00

01:21:23.000 Yeah, he's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

01:21:24.000 He's really good. 1.00

01:21:25.000 Matt Damon was good in it, too.

01:21:26.000 Everybody was good in it.

01:21:27.000 The Little Girl was good.

01:21:28.000 It's a good movie.

01:21:29.000 That was her first thing ever.

01:21:30.000 Really?

01:21:30.000 She did an episode of like...

01:21:32.000 I don't know, like Modern Family and then this. 0.99

01:21:34.000 She's fucking good, man. 0.98

01:21:36.000 She was. 1.00

01:21:36.000 She can act her ass off. 1.00

01:21:37.000 But you look at that movie and you see the hardships of the time, like how people were, you know, the shit they had to go through back then. 0.99

01:21:45.000 Just riding around on animals. 0.98

01:21:47.000 Just that alone. 1.00

01:21:48.000 You either get on this stupid, stinky train that goes like 30 miles an hour, or you have to ride an animal. 1.00

01:21:54.000 Your call. 1.00

01:21:56.000 Your call.

01:21:57.000 Everything kills you.

01:21:58.000 Yeah, I know. 0.86

01:21:59.000 You get a cold, most likely you're going to die.

01:22:02.000 That reminds me of your joke.

01:22:03.000 I probably don't do it anymore.

01:22:06.000 And half your family, you travel across the country and half your family is going to die on the trip.

01:22:12.000 Yeah. 0.90

01:22:12.000 Half of you are going to die. 0.90

01:22:14.000 You're not even going to make it.

01:22:15.000 Yeah.

01:22:16.000 I don't even remember how that bit goes.

01:22:19.000 I don't remember.

01:22:20.000 Stage court?

01:22:21.000 Yeah, the whole thing.

01:22:23.000 You're like, this is where we live now.

01:22:25.000 Yeah. 0.55

01:22:25.000 Because you were the lazy ones. 0.55

01:22:28.000 The idea was the only people in Paducah, Kentucky aren't in Paducah because Paducah is the shit. 1.00

01:22:33.000 They're in Paducah because they were walking across the country and they went, my feet hurt. 1.00

01:22:37.000 Let's stop here and fuck. 1.00

01:22:40.000 And they just stayed in some shitty spot. 1.00

01:22:43.000 Who the fuck would want to just keep doing it though? 0.99

01:22:47.000 It's hard because, you know, you would survive, man. 0.99

01:22:49.000 It's like when you watch Lost.

01:22:51.000 It all makes sense.

01:22:52.000 They crash on this plane.

01:22:53.000 They crash their plane on this island.

01:22:54.000 The survivors learn how to eat coconuts.

01:22:56.000 And this is what we do.

01:22:57.000 Now our society is here.

01:22:58.000 This is where we live now.

01:22:59.000 You know, I mean, it makes sense.

01:23:01.000 That's what you do.

01:23:01.000 That's what you would do, too.

01:23:02.000 You would form some new society and new culture in the woods, you know? 0.97

01:23:07.000 And you would figure out how to fucking use coconuts to go retrieve water from the little fountain, you know? 1.00

01:23:13.000 Fuck, this is what we do now. 1.00

01:23:14.000 You would do it until you died. 1.00

01:23:16.000 Because the alternative is like, what are you going to do? 0.99

01:23:18.000 Are you going to commit suicide?

01:23:19.000 Get to the highest cliff and drop down and bash your head on the rocks because you can't handle what thousands of years of people have handled before you? 0.51

01:23:26.000 It may not be.

01:23:28.000 I can't get suntan. 0.59

01:23:30.000 I'll burn.

01:23:31.000 So I have two days of bad sunburn.

01:23:33.000 Renna Zizi is Italian though.

01:23:34.000 Yeah, but I'm half Irish.

01:23:36.000 And the Irish is dominated? 0.99

01:23:38.000 I burn, dude. 0.93

01:23:39.000 So I know in my mind, I'm like, yeah, we'll figure it out. 0.99

01:23:43.000 But I got a week of fucking sunburn ahead of me. 0.97

01:23:47.000 You gotta stay in the sun. 1.00

01:23:48.000 White poop all over you or something. 0.79

01:23:50.000 It's weird how human beings have evolved to different climates. 0.99

01:23:53.000 Like if you go to Ireland, everyone in Ireland is white like paper. 0.97

01:23:56.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:23:57.000 They're white as fuck because it's rainy all the time and they don't have to deal with the clouds. 1.00

01:24:00.000 They don't have to deal with the sun. 1.00

01:24:01.000 No.

01:24:02.000 Like sick ETs. 1.00

01:24:03.000 Yeah.

01:24:03.000 But then, you know, when you get a place like America that's like this weird melting pot and people, their genetics have come from all these different places.

01:24:10.000 Now all of a sudden they're in some strange environments where you get like blonde people in Phoenix. 1.00

01:24:15.000 If you're a blonde person living in Phoenix, Arizona, you got exactly 10 hours every year of being in the sun, getting baked down before you start developing cancer. 0.99

01:24:26.000 You get 365 days a year and out of those days, you got about 10 hours where maybe if you ration it off over the course of a year, you can survive being outside. 0.87

01:24:36.000 But if you want to be some sort of a fucking farmer or if you like fishing, And, you know, your arms are always outside in the sun. 0.98

01:24:43.000 You're going to develop some weird shit on your arms. 1.00

01:24:45.000 I know. 0.99

01:24:46.000 You know, there's radiation. 0.94

01:24:48.000 I've seen, like, I've been, like, on boats before, like fishermen you talk about, like, dudes that look like me, but just, like, when they take their shirt off, but, like, their arms and their faces just look like fucking leather bags. 0.88

01:24:58.000 Yeah, dude. 0.92

01:24:59.000 Yeah, a thousand years old.

01:25:00.000 Being in the sun all the time is terrible for you.

01:25:02.000 It's weird.

01:25:03.000 It's like this giant nuclear explosion that's millions of miles away that keeps us alive, but it also wants to kill us.

01:25:08.000 Yeah. 0.86

01:25:09.000 We need it, but it wants us to die.

01:25:11.000 And if we move just a little bit too far away from it, we freeze to death.

01:25:16.000 A little bit too close and all the water evaporates and we cook.

01:25:19.000 You know, it's like the delicate balance.

01:25:22.000 You know, the only reason why we're able to live on this planet and this environment is stable at all is because of our moon.

01:25:29.000 Because our moon is so large.

01:25:30.000 Our moon is one quarter of the size of the Earth.

01:25:32.000 And it's in, you know, a stationary orbit and it keeps our orbit stationary.

01:25:36.000 Its gravity interacts with our gravity and it keeps us in a stable path where every year we're, you know, it doesn't get too cold and it doesn't get too hot.

01:25:45.000 It doesn't vary too much.

01:25:46.000 But other planets, some planets have elliptical orbits where their distance between the sun and...

01:25:51.000 Changes rapidly.

01:25:53.000 Yeah, radically.

01:25:54.000 And it's also the angle that you turn.

01:25:58.000 The moon doesn't turn.

01:25:59.000 The moon follows us the same faces us all the time.

01:26:03.000 It spins around with us, but it spins around with us with the same look.

01:26:08.000 Whereas other planets spin.

01:26:09.000 They spin and they have crazy orbits.

01:26:12.000 If you look at the orbits, we would think that orbits would all be circular, but they're not.

01:26:17.000 I just started realizing this when I started studying all the Zacharias Hitchin stuff.

01:26:22.000 We started talking about Nibiru, the ancient Sumerians are the oldest known civilization as far as written language and mathematics.

01:26:30.000 They talked, according to the Zechariah Hitching guy, a lot of people have doubted what he says and have contradicted him.

01:26:36.000 But he said that there was a planet that was 3,600 miles away.

01:26:41.000 Every 3,600 years, this planet that's on this crazy elliptical orbit comes between Mars and Jupiter.

01:26:49.000 And I thought about this, and I was like, are planets elliptical?

01:26:53.000 Is that even possible?

01:26:54.000 If you want to know what elliptical is, elliptical is like NASCAR. Instead of a circle, it's like a long...

01:27:01.000 It's an oval.

01:27:03.000 Yeah, like an oval.

01:27:04.000 Well, apparently there's a lot of planets that are elliptical.

01:27:07.000 A lot.

01:27:08.000 And binary star systems.

01:27:09.000 There's a lot of binary star systems, too.

01:27:11.000 And that's one of the things they suspect might be outside of Pluto.

01:27:16.000 There's all this speculation lately about There's something wrong with the moon's gravity and the way the moon's orbit is that it's reflective of some larger body in the solar system.

01:27:25.000 And there's also a lot of evidence of something called the galactic shelf and the Kuiper belt and all these asteroids that are on the real outskirts of our solar system, like outside of Pluto.

01:27:36.000 Apparently there's like a big drop off and they're really quite sure that there's some large body out there.

01:27:43.000 And it's probably four times the size of Jupiter at least. 0.97

01:27:46.000 Jupiter is fucking enormous. 0.97

01:27:49.000 so they think that this might be a brown dwarf star that we might actually have a binary star system but that this other star is way the fuck out there and it's like it's a brown dwarf and i guess you can't see them that well i guess it's very difficult to figure out where the fuck it is and spot it and they haven't been able to locate it yet but there's so little we know about this whole fucking thing that we live in look how long it's been and look how we won't we haven't even you know we haven't sent them human to mars well that's 0.98

01:28:17.000 Technically, if you look at the whole thing, we haven't even gone off our back porch yet. 0.98

01:28:23.000 Not even into the fucking backyard or the pool or wherever. 0.95

01:28:26.000 Yeah, and most people believe we went in the moon. 0.99

01:28:28.000 I'm skeptical still.

01:28:30.000 And that sounds ridiculous to say, but we haven't been back since 1972. And I know people say, so what, it's the funding?

01:28:36.000 Yeah, it seems to me like there's some fucking shenanigans going on. 0.97

01:28:41.000 I've looked very, very closely at the whole moon landing thing, and it's a ridiculous subject to bring up. 0.99

01:28:46.000 Because even me saying it and hearing my own voice questioning it, I sound like a retard. 1.00

01:28:51.000 I sound like a retard to me. 0.96

01:28:53.000 But I still can't buy it 100%. 0.95

01:28:55.000 I just don't.

01:28:56.000 1969 and 1972, there were seven trips, six successful.

01:29:00.000 It's the only time in human history that humans have been above 400 miles of the Earth's surface.

01:29:05.000 Only the Apollo missions.

01:29:06.000 The Apollo missions before that as well.

01:29:08.000 No biological entity from the United States ever went into space and came back alive, except humans. 0.75

01:29:14.000 We never even sent a chicken around the moon to see if it survives.

01:29:17.000 We just threw them out into deep space and threw them out into extreme radiation.

01:29:22.000 And they return successfully every single time.

01:29:25.000 And yet we haven't been able to go back since 1972. Every other man-made or manned mission from that point on has only been up to 400 miles, like under 400 miles of the Earth's surface.

01:29:36.000 They went 260,000 miles out and back.

01:29:39.000 They did it in 72, man.

01:29:41.000 69 to 72. And people will say all kinds of things like, the Soviets could have, you know, they would have pulled the trigger and told on us if that was the case.

01:29:48.000 Maybe. 0.98

01:29:48.000 But who the fuck knows what kind of weird shit goes on When people are actually running countries, who knows what kind of deals they have? 0.98

01:29:56.000 WikiLeaks. 0.99

01:29:56.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.99

01:29:57.000 He knows.

01:29:58.000 He might know.

01:29:59.000 He knows now.

01:29:59.000 There was no WikiLeaks in 69. He would have said it, though, if he knows, right?

01:30:03.000 He would have leaked that.

01:30:04.000 Yeah, but why would that be in WikiLeaks? 0.97

01:30:07.000 I mean, who the fuck needs to know if they actually faked the moon landing suit? 0.94

01:30:10.000 Who needs to know? 0.99

01:30:10.000 A few people, you know? 0.99

01:30:12.000 You know, like...

01:30:13.000 Everyone in the space station? 0.97

01:30:16.000 What the fuck is the guy that made 2001 A Space Odyssey? 0.99

01:30:20.000 Oh, Kubrick? 0.99

01:30:21.000 Stanley Kubrick, yeah.

01:30:23.000 That was the number one conspirator, speculative guy that they said that Kubrick was probably in on it and that he, you know, because he had a relationship with NASA, NASA came to him for some things.

01:30:36.000 He borrowed the cameras from it or something like that, if I remember.

01:30:40.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:30:41.000 It's a total retard argument. 1.00

01:30:43.000 I understand, folks. 1.00

01:30:44.000 And if you're here listening, you go, fucking Rogan, man. 0.99

01:30:47.000 Unfollow on Twitter. 0.99

01:30:49.000 I'm no longer a fan.

01:30:50.000 You questioned me.

01:30:51.000 We were there and I was a proud American.

01:30:53.000 First of all, it's not we.

01:30:54.000 It's got nothing to do with being a proud American.

01:30:56.000 It's got nothing to do with us.

01:30:57.000 This is us.

01:30:58.000 And in 1969, it's not you, dude.

01:31:00.000 Those are different human beings.

01:31:03.000 Maybe we did go. 0.99

01:31:04.000 It's very possible that we did go, or it's very possible that the whole thing was a fucking hoax. 0.97

01:31:08.000 I think we went, but... 0.97

01:31:09.000 I think it's possible.

01:31:10.000 I wouldn't be shocked, but I've talked to people that really truly believe that we went, and it sounds to me a lot like religion.

01:31:16.000 They're not willing to question it.

01:31:19.000 They keep saying, what are the odds?

01:31:21.000 It's impossible.

01:31:21.000 Is it possible to fake this?

01:31:22.000 Look, they faked a lot of shit. 1.00

01:31:24.000 They faked the Gulf of Tonkin incident that got us into the Vietnam War. 1.00

01:31:27.000 They were going to fake Operation Northwood.

01:31:28.000 They were going to blow up civilian airliners and blame it on the Cubans to get us to go to war with Cuba.

01:31:33.000 They were going to arm Cuban friendlies and attack Guantanamo Bay. 0.99

01:31:36.000 This is all shit that was... 0.99

01:31:37.000 This is not Alex Jones, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

01:31:40.000 Black helicopters! 1.00

01:31:41.000 This is real shit. 1.00

01:31:42.000 I'm not making this up. 0.99

01:31:44.000 This is all freedom of information stuff.

01:31:46.000 And here's a quote, and this is the last thing I'm going to say on it, because this is right out of Bill Clinton's book.

01:31:51.000 Bill Clinton wrote this.

01:31:52.000 Just a month before Apollo 11 astronauts Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong had left their colleague Michael Collins aboard Spaceship Columbia and walked on the moon, beating by five months President Kennedy's goal of putting a man on the moon before the decade was out.

01:32:07.000 The old carpenter asked me if I really believed it happened.

01:32:09.000 I said, sure.

01:32:10.000 I saw it on television.

01:32:12.000 He disagreed.

01:32:13.000 He said that he didn't believe it for a minute, that them television fellers could make things look real that weren't.

01:32:19.000 Back then, I thought he was a crank.

01:32:21.000 During my eight years in Washington, I saw some things on TV that made me wonder if he wasn't ahead of his time. 1.00

01:32:28.000 That's Bill fucking Clinton. 1.00

01:32:30.000 Bill fucking Clinton. 1.00

01:32:31.000 But what does it mean? 1.00

01:32:32.000 It might mean nothing. 1.00

01:32:33.000 It might mean that he's just saying that people are full of shit. 1.00

01:32:37.000 Or it might mean that he just questioned the moon landing. 1.00

01:32:39.000 He just said that that guy might have been ahead of his time.

01:32:42.000 It is quite possible.

01:32:44.000 Look, if you were the president and you found that people really didn't go to the moon...

01:32:47.000 You can't tell.

01:32:48.000 You can't tell.

01:32:49.000 You can't just come out and say that.

01:32:50.000 And this is about as...

01:32:52.000 As transparent as you can get by saying that we didn't go to the moon and putting it in a book.

01:32:56.000 I would love to ask him about that quote. 0.99

01:32:58.000 He wouldn't tell you shit. 0.99

01:32:59.000 He would say, who are you? 0.99

01:33:00.000 No one will ever ask him about that one quote.

01:33:01.000 Somebody needs to just ask him about that one quote.

01:33:03.000 Who's ever going to get that chance?

01:33:05.000 I'm sure a lot of people now.

01:33:06.000 He's probably hanging out.

01:33:08.000 He's probably got Twitter.

01:33:09.000 He doesn't ask those questions.

01:33:11.000 I say the most likely scenario is that the moon landings are real and that people look for a conspiracy in everything.

01:33:16.000 And if you look close enough at anything, you can start to convince yourself that it's a hoax.

01:33:19.000 That is absolutely possible. 0.99

01:33:22.000 It's also possible they faked the whole fucking thing. 1.00

01:33:24.000 It is possible that they murdered Gus Grisham. 0.99

01:33:27.000 He was the guy that was the fucking astronaut in the Apollo 1. He was the guy that died in the simulator, burned to death with two other people. 0.99

01:33:32.000 That guy was questioning whether or not they were going to be able to get to it left and right.

01:33:35.000 He actually hung a lemon on the simulator when he was doing interviews with reporters to tell people that this is a lemon. 0.99

01:33:41.000 They can't even communicate with this fucking tower that's half a mile away. 0.99

01:33:46.000 He goes, how the fuck are we going to talk to people when we're on the moon 260,000 miles away? 1.00

01:33:49.000 That guy died, okay? 0.98

01:33:51.000 And his family to this day, I mean, maybe it's just his son that misses his daddy and believes in conspiracies too, but they believe that NASA murdered him.

01:33:58.000 There was also a guy, and his name was Thomas Ronald Barron, and he was hired by Congress.

01:34:04.000 He was a safety inspector.

01:34:05.000 He was hired by Congress to oversee NASA and look at the whole moon landing thing and see whether or not it's feasible.

01:34:11.000 Well, this guy put together this 500-page report and he questioned whether or not they were ever going to get to the moon.

01:34:16.000 He said NASA was in such complete disarray that he didn't think they were ever going to be able to do it.

01:34:21.000 That guy died a couple...

01:34:23.000 I don't remember how long afterwards.

01:34:25.000 It was very close afterwards.

01:34:25.000 In his car, parked on a train track with his whole family.

01:34:29.000 Parked his car on a train track and died when the train hit the car.

01:34:33.000 Really?

01:34:33.000 Yeah, which is, by the way, how they got rid of people in 1969, folks.

01:34:36.000 They killed Kennedy. 0.99

01:34:38.000 They can kill you, too. 0.98

01:34:39.000 And if you think that you're going to go around undermining NASA's fake mission to the moon, well, guess what? 0.99

01:34:44.000 We're going to park your car on a train track and you're going to disappear.

01:34:47.000 And so is your little report.

01:34:48.000 And...

01:34:48.000 Look, we're on the moon.

01:34:49.000 Crazy. 1.00

01:34:51.000 Who the fuck knows? 1.00

01:34:53.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:34:53.000 None of us do. 0.99

01:34:54.000 I'm certainly not claiming to be the possessor of some unattainable truth.

01:34:57.000 All I'm saying is, it is possible.

01:35:00.000 They could have pulled it off.

01:35:02.000 I firmly believe that with the insane budget they had operating, they could have pulled off almost anything short of faking Godzilla attacking Tocho.

01:35:10.000 Did you see that movie, Wag the Dog?

01:35:11.000 Yes.

01:35:12.000 Fascinating.

01:35:13.000 It's like what they just came up with on the fly.

01:35:15.000 It was like, on the fly...

01:35:18.000 How Hoffman's character just was like, alright, then we'll do this, we'll bring in this guy, and then we'll cast this guy.

01:35:24.000 It's a brilliant movie.

01:35:25.000 It was a really great movie.

01:35:26.000 And that is what they could do. 0.99

01:35:27.000 Look, who the fuck knows? 1.00

01:35:29.000 I know it's a retard. 1.00

01:35:30.000 I'm not married to this. 0.99

01:35:31.000 I swear to God I'm not.

01:35:32.000 I had two arguments on the air, on the Penn& Teller show, on Penn Jillette, rather, Penn Jillette's radio show, with this guy, Phil Plait, great guy, and he runs badastronomy.com, and I debated him about it.

01:35:46.000 And I thought he was going to clown me.

01:35:47.000 And he kind of did in some ways in the first one because he kind of corrected me on some things and made me really kind of see where he was coming from.

01:35:55.000 But also he was not willing to look at the possibility that it was fake.

01:35:59.000 I said, you have to look at things from both sides before you form a belief in it.

01:36:03.000 You have to.

01:36:04.000 You have to look at it from both sides before you choose what side you believe.

01:36:08.000 Yeah, but he's always going to believe in the side of science.

01:36:10.000 He's a scientist and he's an astronomer and it makes sense to me.

01:36:12.000 But when I was talking to him about certain things, man, one of them was they had some photos that they took, the Clementine Lunar Orbiter, and they took these photos of the launch sites and they had these little specks that were on the ground.

01:36:25.000 And they said that this is like infrared photos from 30 miles up or whatever the fuck it was.

01:36:31.000 300 miles up, whatever the satellite is, how far away it is from the moon.

01:36:35.000 And that these are photos and they show the landing site because it's like a blast crater from when the thing took off.

01:36:40.000 And I'm like...

01:36:41.000 How is that possible that you're accepting that that is the photo of the launch site?

01:36:46.000 When if you look at the launch site and those high-resolution close-up photos, there's no disturbance whatsoever. 0.97

01:36:52.000 There's one of the things that all the hoaxsters, all the people that think it's a hoax, that's what they always point to, that this 10,000 pounds of thrust would have blasted a fucking hole in the ground. 0.84

01:37:01.000 But meanwhile, when they landed, it was totally undisturbed. 0.52

01:37:04.000 How are you going to get crystal clear, close-up, high-resolution photos that show no disturbance, but you're going to be able to see it from orbit?

01:37:12.000 Miles above the earth.

01:37:13.000 You're gonna be able to see this little tiny dot from 300 miles up.

01:37:16.000 That's craziness.

01:37:17.000 And he didn't have anything to say to that.

01:37:20.000 I was like, you never considered that?

01:37:21.000 You never looked at these little craters and said, how does that make sense?

01:37:24.000 How is that possible?

01:37:26.000 How many living people are still around that have been on the moon?

01:37:29.000 There's quite a few.

01:37:30.000 There's quite a few.

01:37:30.000 There's a bunch.

01:37:31.000 They're all squirrely, man.

01:37:34.000 Buzz Aldrin, you know, there's some fascinating interviews with him, man.

01:37:38.000 There's a fascinating interview. 0.58

01:37:39.000 One of them where this guy who runs, he's got, he made the movie A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Moon, and he tells Buzz Aldrin that he's a liar, and Buzz Aldrin punches him in the head.

01:37:49.000 Oh, yeah.

01:37:49.000 Which, by the way...

01:37:50.000 Rightly so. 1.00

01:37:51.000 Fuck you, man. 1.00

01:37:52.000 Even if the guy did fucking fake the moon landing, what do you think is his idea? 1.00

01:37:56.000 You know, you don't think he got talked into doing that? 0.99

01:37:58.000 You don't think that maybe they had some fucking guns to his head? 0.99

01:38:00.000 Maybe they scared the shit out of him? 1.00

01:38:02.000 He became a massive alcoholic after he came back from the moon landings.

01:38:05.000 One of the weirdest things about the moon landings is you have to watch the post-flight press conference. 0.99

01:38:10.000 I am no science expert, but I am an expert in bullshit. 0.97

01:38:14.000 I know when people are lying. 1.00

01:38:16.000 I can fucking see it. 1.00

01:38:18.000 I can smell it. 1.00

01:38:18.000 And you can too. 1.00

01:38:19.000 There's a weird thing with humans where we can tell when people are being deceptive. 1.00

01:38:24.000 And the video of them coming back from the moon, man, it seems like they're full of shit. 0.99

01:38:28.000 It doesn't seem like they're nervous. 1.00

01:38:30.000 They're definitely nervous too, but it also seems like they're full of shit. 1.00

01:38:33.000 Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins, they're just shitty actors, man. 1.00

01:38:36.000 Was it like an open press conference where the... 0.98

01:38:39.000 One of them, they ask him, what was it like?

01:38:42.000 Did you see any stars when you were on the moon?

01:38:44.000 And Michael Collins says, I don't recall seeing any stars when I was on the moon.

01:38:48.000 I don't recall seeing any.

01:38:48.000 But meanwhile, he never left the command module in the story.

01:38:53.000 The narrative is that Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong made it to the moon, but Michael Collins stayed in orbit.

01:38:58.000 He never went on the moon.

01:39:00.000 So they attributed that quote to Buzz Aldrin in the transcript because Michael Collins would never say it.

01:39:05.000 Look, it's all conspirator talk.

01:39:07.000 I know it is. 0.99

01:39:08.000 But there's enough shit there that makes me go, I'm not willing to totally buy this. 0.99

01:39:13.000 I know it sounds ridiculous. 0.99

01:39:15.000 I know the arguments that Occam's razor, man, most likely scenario, you have to go with that one.

01:39:21.000 The most likely scenario is That we can't do it anymore because of budgetary reasons and this and that.

01:39:25.000 But there's never been a single technological achievement from 1969 that's not cheaper, easier, or faster to reproduce today, except for putting people on the moon.

01:39:35.000 That one is weird.

01:39:37.000 That one, every time they talk about putting people back, it's 2020 or 2022. But every president says they're going to do it.

01:39:44.000 George Herbert Walker Bush said he was going to do it.

01:39:46.000 Bill Clinton said he was going to do it.

01:39:47.000 George Bush said he was going to do it.

01:39:49.000 They all talked about putting people back on the moon. 0.98

01:39:51.000 Could Imagine today if Barack Obama was like, we have enough problems right fucking here. 0.88

01:39:56.000 This is not the time to also do this. 0.98

01:39:59.000 It's also not the time to invade Pakistan.

01:40:01.000 It's not the time to be in Afghanistan.

01:40:02.000 It's the time to be concentrating on our own economy.

01:40:05.000 This Pakistan thing is going to... 1.00

01:40:06.000 Scary shit, man. 1.00

01:40:08.000 All of it's scary. 1.00

01:40:08.000 That Pakistan thing is because, you know, if you start with them, then that cuts off all support to Afghanistan, and it's like, now it's game on. 1.00

01:40:19.000 You want to fight three fucking, you want to have three wars at one time? 0.51

01:40:23.000 And by the way, that's when Iran comes into the picture, too. 0.99

01:40:27.000 I mean, there's all this talk about invading Iran.

01:40:29.000 What if Iran keeps up its military program, or its nuclear program, rather, and then we have to invade Iran? 0.84

01:40:34.000 Yeah.

01:40:35.000 Yeah, I don't know, man. 0.98

01:40:37.000 My point about all this is that We don't know what the fuck the people who are quote-unquote running this world are doing. 0.97

01:40:47.000 We don't know what they're doing. 0.95

01:40:49.000 We assume that what they're telling us is what's really going on. 1.00

01:40:52.000 But they've been proven over and over again throughout history to be full of shit. 1.00

01:40:56.000 They've even said they're going to be full of shit to protect us. 1.00

01:40:59.000 They've said that the CIA has come out. 0.99

01:41:01.000 It was mainstream news reported that they were going to start making artificial stories and putting them in the news to throw off the terrorists.

01:41:08.000 Well, when you start doing that, man, all bets are off. 0.99

01:41:10.000 You start lying to everybody to protect us, like, Jesus fucking Christ, where's the accountability? 0.99

01:41:16.000 When does this stop? 1.00

01:41:18.000 Why are we angry at the world?

01:41:20.000 Why is the world angry at us?

01:41:21.000 Why are we there?

01:41:23.000 Does this really have to be micromanaged?

01:41:25.000 Do we really have to manage all the people in the world and keep everybody under our thumb?

01:41:30.000 Are you sure?

01:41:30.000 Is it just because we've been doing it forever?

01:41:33.000 I mean, is there a better way to approach this?

01:41:38.000 I just feel like, right now, with what is happening here, and the sentiment that people feel about what's going on over in the Middle East, and they're taking...

01:41:48.000 Not that they're taking care of the business on their own, but you see things starting to play out where, like, even in Egypt, it's like they're handling...

01:41:56.000 The uprisings are happening, and they're not perfect, but things are getting sorted out on their own.

01:42:01.000 And for us to be there interfering or being the catalyst for those kind of things to happen is not a good idea.

01:42:06.000 Well, I think these uprisings... 0.96

01:42:08.000 You're knocking at the fucking hornet's nest rather than just letting it be and letting them take care of themselves or take care of the situations that they're not happy about themselves. 0.98

01:42:17.000 Yeah, but I guess you got to kind of keep dictators from rising up and just fucking up people too. 0.98

01:42:23.000 It's like, because also when you get a dictatorship.

01:42:25.000 But we don't do that.

01:42:25.000 We don't do that.

01:42:26.000 We do it when it's, but when they're our allies or they're our friends, then we're, then it's cool.

01:42:32.000 Right.

01:42:32.000 This is the guy that runs the thing.

01:42:33.000 I know there's problems, but there's always been problems.

01:42:36.000 He's our friend.

01:42:37.000 Wait, he's not our friend. 1.00

01:42:38.000 Fucking let's go. 0.99

01:42:39.000 Everyone in. 0.99

01:42:39.000 Get him in. 0.99

01:42:40.000 We got to get him out.

01:42:41.000 We got to get the next guy we can trust in there.

01:42:42.000 Right.

01:42:43.000 Like Egypt. 0.73

01:42:44.000 Exactly.

01:42:44.000 Yeah.

01:42:45.000 Yeah.

01:42:46.000 And that's my fear about Pakistan now. 0.86

01:42:48.000 It's like, we've been giving one and a half billion dollars a year for arms, and it's like, now, wait a second, you've had this guy for five fucking years he's lived in this house, five fucking years, 800 yards away from a military base? 0.99

01:43:05.000 You gotta be fucking kidding me, man! 0.98

01:43:07.000 At some point, like... 0.99

01:43:09.000 Look, I'm not a cop, but I... You didn't know that was in your yard?

01:43:13.000 No, sir.

01:43:14.000 I didn't know.

01:43:14.000 Oh, and by the way, did you guys not...

01:43:15.000 I already wasn't on dialysis either.

01:43:18.000 Did you hear about that?

01:43:18.000 Really?

01:43:19.000 There was no dialysis machine.

01:43:21.000 That's what I read, but there's...

01:43:22.000 It's like...

01:43:22.000 That's another thing we were told about, like the dialysis thing, and that he was almost an invalid, you know?

01:43:28.000 And it's like, this guy was fucking roaming around this house for five years... 0.97

01:43:33.000 And nobody picked up on this? 0.99

01:43:34.000 Yeah, it's a very fantastic story.

01:43:36.000 And we talked about this yesterday, and we said that if you had a movie, and in the movie you wanted to have an ending where it could leave room for the sequel, this is the perfect ending.

01:43:44.000 You don't get to see the body.

01:43:46.000 They dump him in the ocean.

01:43:48.000 That's it. 1.00

01:43:48.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

01:43:49.000 It's almost like they want people to... 1.00

01:43:53.000 Even if they did have photos of him, nah, let him fucking guess. 0.96

01:43:56.000 It keeps things interesting. 0.98

01:43:57.000 It keeps things humming along.

01:43:59.000 It keeps people distracted. 1.00

01:44:00.000 I want to see a fucking photo. 1.00

01:44:01.000 They showed Saddam. 1.00

01:44:02.000 They showed Saddam. 0.63

01:44:03.000 They showed him die.

01:44:04.000 They didn't just show him. 0.57

01:44:05.000 They showed him die.

01:44:06.000 Why can't we have a little...

01:44:08.000 They showed Roshan Rondo's arm dislocated a thousand times on the news that night.

01:44:13.000 It was horrible to look at. 1.00

01:44:14.000 We could see a fucking photo of a... 1.00

01:44:16.000 It's sort of like... 0.99

01:44:18.000 We've fought this.

01:44:19.000 We've paid for this war for 10 years. 0.99

01:44:21.000 We've had so much fucking problems financially here. 0.99

01:44:23.000 We send troops over there. 1.00

01:44:25.000 They've died. 1.00

01:44:25.000 Let us see the fucking photo. 1.00

01:44:26.000 We paid for the shit. 1.00

01:44:27.000 I can see the argument for not showing it. 1.00

01:44:29.000 I can see that it's going to make him a martyr.

01:44:31.000 I can see that it's going to make people, you know, in the militant movement, the Islamic militant movement, you know, they're going to use that as propaganda.

01:44:37.000 I can see that it's better to not show it.

01:44:40.000 When you're dealing with religious fanatics, it's better to just, if you really did have it, yeah, jump it in the ocean.

01:44:45.000 I'm not saying it's not the upper hand.

01:44:46.000 Or put it on ice.

01:44:47.000 Where everybody can, like, the next president can come check it out.

01:44:50.000 I'm not saying it's not the high road.

01:44:52.000 It's the high road.

01:44:53.000 You're right.

01:44:53.000 It is the high road.

01:44:54.000 But I don't really know.

01:44:55.000 I don't know if we're...

01:44:56.000 Even the high road.

01:44:57.000 I don't even think it's the high road.

01:44:58.000 I mean, I just think it's the smart road.

01:44:59.000 I think, you know, if you look at as far as benefit...

01:45:05.000 To negative repercussions, you would have to say that the benefit would lie in not stirring up more than possible.

01:45:11.000 If you already killed the guy and you did the work, you did what the public wants you to do, you got rid of public enemy number one, You got rid of this guy.

01:45:19.000 You got his computers. 1.00

01:45:20.000 If that really happened the way they said it happened, yeah, what the fuck, man? 0.99

01:45:23.000 You don't have to show people the pictures. 0.99

01:45:24.000 You're protecting people.

01:45:25.000 You did your job.

01:45:26.000 If everybody is secure and all the people who are important have seen the photos, yeah, man, I don't think we all need to see it.

01:45:32.000 I don't think it needs to be distributed to the world.

01:45:34.000 What about this?

01:45:34.000 What if they said it's on this?

01:45:35.000 It doesn't mean that I don't want to see it.

01:45:36.000 It's on this website.

01:45:36.000 If you want to look at it, great.

01:45:38.000 If you don't, you don't. 0.97

01:45:38.000 No, that's not good because then the Islamic terrorists are going to be able to look at it. 0.97

01:45:42.000 They're going to look at it and they're going to... 1.00

01:45:44.000 They're going to go fucking crazy and there he is. 0.99

01:45:46.000 They strap themselves up with dynamite. 0.99

01:45:48.000 What if it's a private domain?

01:45:50.000 It's password protected. 0.98

01:45:51.000 Well, you can't fucking get through that. 0.98

01:45:52.000 You know a hacker will get it. 0.98

01:45:54.000 It's password protected.

01:45:54.000 It'll be a couple months or a year, and then a hacker's going to somehow hack somebody's computer that has it or do something.

01:46:00.000 There's going to be a wiki.

01:46:01.000 Maybe if this happened 10 years ago, I would say definitely.

01:46:04.000 But I think now, I think probably not. 0.99

01:46:06.000 I think now they're probably pretty good at stopping shit like that from happening. 0.94

01:46:10.000 If it's all legit. 0.97

01:46:11.000 Wasn't the Pentagon just hacked like a couple months ago?

01:46:14.000 We had Brian Callen on yesterday, and I love Brian's take on things because it's very Fox News-like.

01:46:19.000 Yeah.

01:46:20.000 Yeah.

01:46:20.000 By the way he grew up, he believes that they're doing the right things and he believes that whatever the narrative is, that he follows whatever America is, the reason why we're there in certain places, and he doesn't believe in conspiracies.

01:46:37.000 But when you look at all the different goddamn stories like Pat Tillman, How they tried to change that fucking story and butcher that when he was killed by friendly fire and the Jessica Lynch story. 0.94

01:46:47.000 These are just the ones that have blown up in our faces. 0.99

01:46:49.000 How many of these have they got away with? 0.90

01:46:51.000 How many stories that we think are history are just total complete horseshit? 0.57

01:46:56.000 There's a lot.

01:46:57.000 A lot. 0.99

01:46:57.000 There's a fuckload, man. 0.99

01:46:59.000 There's, uh, you know, I just, you gotta be crazy to believe everything they say. 1.00

01:47:04.000 I'm not saying that you should believe in conspiracy theories, because a lot of them are just as nuts. 0.85

01:47:08.000 And by the way, some of the really nutty conspiracy theories, Garol fucking T, those are put in place by the government to discredit conspiracy theories. 0.78

01:47:18.000 That's a tactic that's been used from the beginning of time. 0.85

01:47:21.000 Ha! 0.89

01:47:21.000 That's what they do. 0.89

01:47:22.000 It's disinformation.

01:47:24.000 Put out disinformation.

01:47:25.000 They'll give you a bunch of good information, a bunch of things that make sense.

01:47:29.000 They'll say that Lee Harvey Oswald did not act alone, and he thought that he was doing this, but they had set him up, and they really shot Kennedy with assassins that were set up in different parts of the grassy knoll and all throughout Dallas, Texas.

01:47:43.000 And the reason why they used Lee Harvey Oswald is because they needed him to die so that he could go through a wormhole to Alpha Centauri to bring back the Master.

01:47:52.000 And the Master is going to rechange.

01:47:54.000 All they have to do is that. 0.99

01:47:55.000 And then all of a sudden all the Lee Harvey Oswald stuff is bullshit. 0.99

01:47:59.000 Now it's crazy talk. 1.00

01:48:00.000 You get people like, you can't say Lee Harvey Oswald because then he's going to go to a fucking cell somewhere. 0.99

01:48:05.000 Exactly. 0.98

01:48:05.000 It's like, try talking about UFOs. 0.98

01:48:08.000 Try talking about aliens.

01:48:10.000 Try talking about anything along those lines, and you automatically get labeled a kook.

01:48:16.000 Try talking about Bigfoot. 1.00

01:48:17.000 You're a fucking kook. 1.00

01:48:18.000 But meanwhile, Bigfoot might have very well existed. 1.00

01:48:21.000 There's an animal called a Gigantopithecus. 0.99

01:48:24.000 It's a fucking huge, 8-foot tall, erect ape that lived in Asia and might very well have come across the Bering Strait. 0.99

01:48:30.000 Is it still alive now? 0.99

01:48:32.000 Probably not, but might have existed at one point in time.

01:48:35.000 It's a real animal.

01:48:37.000 They know what they think it might be, and it looks like Bigfoot.

01:48:41.000 So it did exist, and it existed just 100,000 years or so ago. 0.95

01:48:45.000 And there's been many, many instances of shit that they thought was long dead, like the coelacanth. 0.99

01:48:49.000 There was a fish that's a goddamn prehistoric monster. 1.00

01:48:52.000 It's a fucking dinosaur. 1.00

01:48:53.000 Hundreds of millions of years old. 1.00

01:48:54.000 They thought this thing was long extinct until, I believe it was the 1930s, someone caught one.

01:48:59.000 And they're like, whoa, these are alive?!

01:49:02.000 They're alive.

01:49:03.000 They're in the ocean. 0.99

01:49:04.000 Who the fuck knows what's in the Pacific Northwest? 1.00

01:49:06.000 Fly over that shit in an airplane. 1.00

01:49:08.000 I know. 1.00

01:49:08.000 I was just up in Kirkland, Washington last weekend. 1.00

01:49:11.000 Or two weekends ago. 0.99

01:49:12.000 Fucking dense. 1.00

01:49:13.000 Crazy up there. 1.00

01:49:13.000 Dense forest, man. 1.00

01:49:15.000 You're talking about millions of acres.

01:49:17.000 Millions of square miles, probably.

01:49:19.000 You know?

01:49:20.000 How many square miles?

01:49:20.000 That's not true.

01:49:21.000 Thousands of square miles, though.

01:49:22.000 A square mile's a weird thing.

01:49:24.000 Like, there's a lot of footage in a square mile.

01:49:25.000 It's not like the distance between two points.

01:49:27.000 Yeah, well, how do you do it on a hill or something?

01:49:29.000 I don't know.

01:49:29.000 Millions of acres, for sure.

01:49:30.000 But whatever it is, when you fly over it, you look at the density of the...

01:49:34.000 I mean, the Pacific Northwest has legitimate rainforests where you can't see inside. 0.98

01:49:39.000 You don't know what the fuck is in there. 1.00

01:49:40.000 There's a lot of crazy shit in there. 1.00

01:49:42.000 Is there Bigfoot? 1.00

01:49:43.000 Probably not.

01:49:44.000 Probably not.

01:49:45.000 But I wouldn't be surprised if it is.

01:49:47.000 If they've caught Bigfoot, though, really, what is it? 1.00

01:49:49.000 It's just a big, stupid monkey. 1.00

01:49:51.000 It wouldn't be any different than an orangutan. 1.00

01:49:53.000 I mean, it would be cool if it talked.

01:49:54.000 Yeah, if it talked...

01:49:55.000 And it dressed up in clothing.

01:49:58.000 If it was like, you guys, congratulations.

01:50:00.000 Had a whole family.

01:50:02.000 Yeah.

01:50:02.000 Bigfoot was divorced.

01:50:04.000 Yeah.

01:50:04.000 He's got two kids he doesn't see.

01:50:05.000 You know, they didn't discover the mountain gorilla until 1902. You know when I discovered the mountain gorilla?

01:50:12.000 Three seconds ago. 1.00

01:50:13.000 It's a giant-ass fucking huge gorilla. 1.00

01:50:17.000 It's a big-ass fucking gorilla. 1.00

01:50:19.000 I'm learning something. 1.00

01:50:19.000 My son loves dinosaurs. 1.00

01:50:21.000 He's two and a half, so we went to the Museum of Natural History in New York.

01:50:25.000 It's cool.

01:50:26.000 I haven't been to museums since I was a kid, really.

01:50:28.000 It's like going back now, you actually care and you're learning more. 1.00

01:50:32.000 Watching him and I together like, oh shit, this is fucking... 1.00

01:50:35.000 I looked at a T-Rex. 1.00

01:50:37.000 It was fucking massive. 0.99

01:50:39.000 It's massive. 0.99

01:50:40.000 Incredible. 0.99

01:50:41.000 The vertebrae on the T-Rex is bigger than my fucking forearm. 0.99

01:50:46.000 Crazy. 1.00

01:50:46.000 Tremendous. 1.00

01:50:47.000 They try to figure out why the T-Rex was built like that, too.

01:50:51.000 There's so much speculation.

01:50:53.000 Like, why do this thing have these giant legs and these weird arms?

01:50:56.000 Little tiny arms.

01:50:58.000 Could it run?

01:50:58.000 Could that thing even run?

01:50:59.000 And how fast?

01:51:01.000 Jurassic Park, they ran, remember?

01:51:03.000 They ran really fast.

01:51:04.000 Yeah.

01:51:04.000 But the speculation is that that's not possible.

01:51:06.000 And then there's other speculation by, you know, more fringe people that think that the atmosphere was different then.

01:51:11.000 That it was a much denser atmosphere, that it could carry your weight better, that gravity was lighter or something.

01:51:15.000 Well, I also think they were an unbelievable fighter.

01:51:17.000 They never got off balance because their tail weighed almost as fresh as the front part, so they were never – they could just lock those legs down and just move around and you can really get them off balance.

01:51:26.000 There's also speculation that T-Rex was just a scavenger.

01:51:31.000 Those big teeth were just for breaking up bones. 0.97

01:51:34.000 Oh, really? 1.00

01:51:34.000 And shit was dying left and right all over the place. 1.00

01:51:36.000 And they would just find it. 1.00

01:51:37.000 Like a garbage disposal?

01:51:38.000 Just eat whatever you...

01:51:39.000 Yeah, like raptors would kill something. 1.00

01:51:41.000 And they would just go, get out of here, bitch. 1.00

01:51:43.000 That shit's mine. 1.00

01:51:43.000 And then they would be big and ugly. 1.00

01:51:45.000 There was even speculation about their coloring. 0.94

01:51:48.000 That their coloring would be very vulture-like.

01:51:50.000 And it's possible that they were really hideous looking. 0.99

01:51:52.000 They were just giant garbage disposals.

01:51:55.000 It's still fun to see all the... 1.00

01:51:57.000 Just the gigantic, massive fucking bones they had and stuff. 0.99

01:52:00.000 It's crazy. 0.99

01:52:01.000 What people don't realize, man, is that if this...

01:52:04.000 I mean, that world that existed 65 million years ago before that giant meteor hit and killed all those dinosaurs, that world could easily be right now if that meteor didn't hit.

01:52:13.000 And there would be no people.

01:52:15.000 No.

01:52:15.000 It would be nothing.

01:52:16.000 Those things, like, the world that we have now is one of several mass extinction event worlds.

01:52:22.000 There's been several different ones along the lines, and this is the latest to survive the last mass extinction.

01:52:28.000 But they're all very different.

01:52:29.000 They're all very different.

01:52:30.000 There's very few animals that survive that.

01:52:32.000 The one that hit the Yucatan, they say it was five miles long and that it was five miles deep into the Earth in the first second and a half it hit.

01:52:43.000 Really?

01:52:44.000 Five miles in?

01:52:46.000 Five miles deep into the earth in the first second and a half that it hit.

01:52:49.000 And that's not unusual.

01:52:51.000 That's happened a bunch of times over the course of the history of the earth.

01:52:55.000 Yeah, and it can happen, man. 0.96

01:52:57.000 And there ain't shit to do about it. 1.00

01:52:58.000 Fuck Bruce Willis. 1.00

01:52:59.000 You can't shoot a rocket and land on that thing and deflect it. 1.00

01:53:02.000 I love that movie.

01:53:03.000 It's a great movie.

01:53:04.000 I love that movie. 1.00

01:53:05.000 If you're high and dumb. 1.00

01:53:06.000 That movie sucked. 1.00

01:53:08.000 I love that movie. 0.98

01:53:09.000 What was better, though, that one or Deep Impact?

01:53:11.000 I like that movie because of Buscemi. 0.99

01:53:12.000 I just love Buscemi, how creepy and weird he was, just fucking the rocket. 0.99

01:53:17.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:53:18.000 Buscemi just cracked me up. 0.98

01:53:19.000 I remember it had one of those really fucking lame Aerosmith ballads. 0.99

01:53:24.000 Living on the edge! 0.99

01:53:26.000 No, not that.

01:53:28.000 It's weird to see Steven Tyler, man.

01:53:30.000 It's weird to see him.

01:53:31.000 I mean, I don't hate the guy.

01:53:33.000 I'm a huge fan of his earlier stuff.

01:53:35.000 Oh, you're talking about American Idol?

01:53:37.000 Yeah, it's weird.

01:53:37.000 It's weird to see him on American Idol.

01:53:39.000 It's weird to see those ballads, too, man.

01:53:42.000 Those movie, romantic movie ballads that they started producing that were just...

01:53:47.000 You know, you go back to, like, Walk This Way. 0.99

01:53:50.000 You know, you go back to some of their shit that they put out. 0.97

01:53:53.000 I mean, it was just some badass rock and roll, man. 0.98

01:53:56.000 Do you know if Run DMC had to be talked into doing Walk This Way?

01:53:58.000 Really?

01:53:59.000 They were pissed. 1.00

01:53:59.000 They were like, we're fucking gangsters. 1.00

01:54:02.000 We don't want to fucking have a guitar in it. 0.99

01:54:04.000 I think it was Rev Run did an interview. 0.99

01:54:07.000 Then we got our first check and we were like, fuck yeah. 0.99

01:54:11.000 Rick Rubin, they were giving him a high five. 0.98

01:54:12.000 They made more money off their first check from Walk This Way than they had their whole career put together.

01:54:19.000 Well, it was a good collaboration too.

01:54:21.000 It actually was one of the few that made both songs better.

01:54:24.000 Like that Anthrax one too is pretty good. 0.85

01:54:26.000 Oh, with Run DMC? Yeah.

01:54:29.000 I don't know that one.

01:54:30.000 What is that one? 1.00

01:54:31.000 Fuck, how does it go? 0.99

01:54:33.000 I remember the video. 1.00

01:54:34.000 Bring the noise.

01:54:36.000 Bring the noise, yes.

01:54:37.000 Oh, yeah, that's right.

01:54:38.000 Turn up the trail.

01:54:39.000 Bring the noise! 0.74

01:54:40.000 Yeah, that was cool, man, when rappers...

01:54:41.000 I mean, now the best things are mashups, you know, when they're not really doing it, but someone else does it together.

01:54:47.000 We require DJs to do that now. 0.95

01:54:49.000 My favorite, man, is the Jimi Hendrix one with Jay-Z. 99 Problems mixed with Voodoo Child. 0.89

01:54:55.000 Oh, really?

01:54:55.000 I haven't heard that.

01:54:56.000 Ooh! 0.96

01:54:57.000 You never heard that?

01:54:57.000 No.

01:54:58.000 That's my premiere workout shit. 0.99

01:55:00.000 When I want to kick things, when I'm working out and I want to kick it to the next level, I throw that on. 1.00

01:55:04.000 Because it's just a fucking jam. 0.97

01:55:06.000 Jimi Hendrix guitar and that 99 Problems song all jammed up into one song. 0.99

01:55:11.000 I'm gonna go Google some mashups. 0.99

01:55:13.000 Google the shit out of that, son. 0.97

01:55:14.000 Listen to some old-school Daft Punk, too. 1.00

01:55:16.000 That shit's so awesome. 0.99

01:55:17.000 The guitar in that one song. 1.00

01:55:19.000 Daft Punk.

01:55:20.000 What do they sing?

01:55:22.000 Stronger, Faster, Better.

01:55:24.000 They do a lot of songs.

01:55:26.000 Somebody made a mashup of one of my rants from the podcast mixed with a Daft Punk song.

01:55:31.000 Yeah.

01:55:32.000 I mean, it's a lot of, like, mellow, kind of, like, techno-type music, but then they have some just amazing songs.

01:55:38.000 And one of the songs, it's called, I think it's called Digital Love, but it has this awesome guitar solo in the middle of it that's just pretty badass.

01:55:48.000 I'm psyched.

01:55:48.000 I'm going to, we're playing Bonnaroo this year.

01:55:52.000 Who's we?

01:55:52.000 The League show.

01:55:54.000 We're going to do a League live show there.

01:55:55.000 What are you going to do?

01:55:55.000 How do you do that?

01:55:56.000 They have a tent for comedy.

01:55:58.000 I think it's like, we're going, Louis Black's going.

01:56:01.000 You know, this is like one of the things.

01:56:03.000 We do like a show together where the four of us do stand-up and stuff.

01:56:06.000 Oh, that's cool.

01:56:07.000 But yeah, I mean like, everyone's going to be there.

01:56:10.000 Eminem's going to be there, the Black Keys.

01:56:13.000 Mumford and Sons.

01:56:14.000 Yeah, everyone.

01:56:14.000 It's just going to be...

01:56:15.000 I hope it's...

01:56:16.000 I mean, it's like an hour outside of Nashville.

01:56:18.000 Dude, that sounds awesome.

01:56:19.000 Yeah, it's the biggest...

01:56:21.000 It's like Coachella, but just...

01:56:24.000 And they do a lot of stand-up at those, too, don't they?

01:56:26.000 They do, yeah.

01:56:26.000 This is my first experience with that.

01:56:28.000 I'm doing that, and then the next week I'm doing this country-western musical...

01:56:35.000 Festival?

01:56:36.000 Festival thing.

01:56:36.000 Me and Jimmy Schubert and John Reap.

01:56:38.000 Jimmy Schubert.

01:56:39.000 I'm like, this is going to be either the best slash worst weekend of my life.

01:56:42.000 I haven't seen Jimmy Schubert around in ages.

01:56:44.000 Yeah, I know.

01:56:45.000 He's great.

01:56:46.000 It's those guys, man.

01:56:47.000 This is the core comedy store group.

01:56:50.000 Could I ask you a question?

01:56:52.000 Sure.

01:56:52.000 Your advice on something.

01:56:53.000 I was listening to one of the podcasts you were talking about going through a period where you were on television and still doing stand-up, but you felt old... 0.99

01:57:02.000 Your shit was getting old and you were getting tired of it. 0.99

01:57:05.000 I've just recently gone through that. 1.00

01:57:08.000 I think I'm coming out of it.

01:57:09.000 I'm not sure.

01:57:10.000 How did you know? 0.62

01:57:12.000 Was it a feeling you had where you were like, I feel fucking fake right now?

01:57:16.000 How did you get yourself out of it? 1.00

01:57:19.000 Just stop doing that shit. 1.00

01:57:21.000 Just stop. 1.00

01:57:22.000 Write new stuff.

01:57:23.000 Abandon the old material.

01:57:25.000 If you haven't recorded it, just put it on a recording.

01:57:28.000 Make sure you do an album, do a CD, do a DVD, do something.

01:57:33.000 But record it and move on.

01:57:35.000 Yeah.

01:57:35.000 Yeah, it's important, man.

01:57:37.000 I didn't do that nearly as much when I was younger, and I appreciate my act, and I appreciate the process a lot more now, and I don't take it for granted nearly as much now.

01:57:46.000 Before, when my act was just completely solid, and it was, you know, this is what I did for the next couple of years, and I really didn't add too much to it.

01:57:54.000 There was a period in the 90s where I did that, where...

01:57:58.000 It just wasn't...

01:57:59.000 Stand-up wasn't the same thing as it is now. 0.96

01:58:01.000 Now stand-up is like this living thing that's constantly changing and evolving and I can't wait to get rid of my material to come out with new shit. 0.97

01:58:08.000 It's scary. 0.98

01:58:09.000 It's scary.

01:58:10.000 It's scary to abandon...

01:58:11.000 You know you have bits that are just proven gems.

01:58:14.000 I know. 1.00

01:58:14.000 It's tough to let those fucking bits go. 1.00

01:58:16.000 It's tough. 1.00

01:58:17.000 You got to though, dude.

01:58:18.000 You got to.

01:58:19.000 I have hours of those things just laying around that I don't even remember anymore.

01:58:22.000 They're not even mine anymore.

01:58:23.000 They're the ethers.

01:58:24.000 They're peoples.

01:58:25.000 They're my fans stuff, you know?

01:58:27.000 The Anna Nicole Smith, I don't know how to do that anymore. 0.96

01:58:30.000 The Tiger's fucking bit, I don't know how to do that. 0.97

01:58:32.000 Hugh Hefner bit, I don't know how to do that. 0.98

01:58:34.000 Those bits are gone.

01:58:35.000 I don't know how to do them anymore.

01:58:36.000 Do people shout out?

01:58:38.000 Very rarely the old ones.

01:58:40.000 It's more the new ones now.

01:58:41.000 You pulled Noah's Ark out of the balloon pretty well. 0.99

01:58:43.000 That's because I was high as fuck, son. 0.99

01:58:45.000 I was tuned into the ether. 0.99

01:58:48.000 So, again, this weekend, Sam Tripoli and Tom Segura and me at Cobb's Comedy Club Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.

01:58:57.000 I believe Saturday sold out.

01:58:59.000 I'm not sure.

01:58:59.000 I think most of the shows are almost sold out, so there's not much left.

01:59:03.000 And we are doing Sal's Comedy Hole Wednesday, tomorrow night at 8 p.m.

01:59:08.000 What are you doing tomorrow night?

01:59:09.000 You around?

01:59:10.000 No, I'm going to Vegas.

01:59:11.000 Powerful Vegas.

01:59:12.000 What are you doing?

01:59:12.000 I got a bachelor party I'm going to for the three or four days.

01:59:15.000 Stay safe, son.

01:59:17.000 Don't do anything crazy.

01:59:19.000 Relaxing.

01:59:20.000 Getting older.

01:59:21.000 So that's it.

01:59:22.000 We will be back tomorrow.

01:59:23.000 Tomorrow we got Doug Benson with us.

01:59:25.000 Is there any other gigs you want to plug?

01:59:27.000 I'm doing with Brian Callen, the Wrecker Theater.

01:59:31.000 Where's that?

01:59:31.000 In Baltimore, Memorial Day weekend, Saturday night.

01:59:33.000 We're doing two shows at the theater, me and Brian Callen.

01:59:36.000 Nice.

01:59:37.000 And then, not this weekend, but next weekend, I'm in Philadelphia at Helium Comedy Club.

01:59:41.000 How do you and Brian do that?

01:59:42.000 Do you do like a co-headliner thing?

01:59:43.000 We haven't done it together yet.

01:59:44.000 Yeah, we haven't done it.

01:59:45.000 Who organized this?

01:59:46.000 Our agent.

01:59:47.000 We have the same.

01:59:49.000 They sent this out and do it together.

01:59:50.000 So you just flip a coin, like you open one, he'll open the other?

01:59:53.000 I think that's how we'll do it.

01:59:54.000 I haven't talked to Brian about it, but I figure that's how we'll do it.

01:59:56.000 Powerful.

01:59:57.000 Powerful.

01:59:58.000 Okay, that's it, ladies and gentlemen.

01:59:59.000 We'll be back tomorrow with Doug Benson.

02:00:02.000 And thank you again to The Fleshlight.

02:00:04.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for The Fleshlight, enter in the code name ROGAN, and you will save 15% off the number one sex toy for men. 0.99

02:00:12.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

02:00:13.000 And I got one for Steve Renner. 1.00

02:00:14.000 It's easy.

02:00:15.000 Oh, yeah.

02:00:17.000 And that's it.

02:00:18.000 All right.

02:00:18.000 Follow Steve on Twitter.

02:00:19.000 Oh, this is a tough one.

02:00:20.000 Ready for this?

02:00:21.000 S-T-E-V-E. Now here, it's Ranna-Z-Z. So there's almost a Nazi in there, but there's two Zs. 1.00

02:00:30.000 It's Steve and then R-A-N-N-A-Z-Z-I-S-I. Learn it. 1.00

02:00:36.000 You need to change that.

02:00:37.000 Yeah.

02:00:37.000 Why don't you just change it?

02:00:38.000 No way.

02:00:39.000 I'm too deep now.

02:00:40.000 I'm too far in.

02:00:41.000 He's too far in.

02:00:42.000 I'm in the grid. 1.00

02:00:43.000 It's fucking with your Twitter accounts, though. 1.00

02:00:44.000 I guarantee you. 1.00

02:00:45.000 Oh, I'm sure it is.

02:00:46.000 It took me like 10 minutes to figure out how to spell it.

02:00:48.000 Good.

02:00:48.000 Yeah, you know what I did?

02:00:50.000 Work.

02:00:50.000 On the Twitter page, if you put in the at sign and then start Steve, it shows me all the Steves that I have.

02:00:55.000 Oh, really?

02:00:56.000 And then the R, and then it showed me you as an option.

02:00:57.000 I'm like, yes.

02:00:58.000 There it is.

02:00:58.000 Thank God.

02:00:59.000 Otherwise, you'd have been like, fuck it. 1.00

02:01:00.000 I'm on the show at 3 o'clock. 1.00

02:01:02.000 Yeah.

02:01:02.000 Thank you, everybody.

02:01:03.000 And we'll see you tomorrow. 0.99

02:01:04.000 Love you, bitches. 1.00

The Joe Rogan Experience - May 10, 2011

Joe Rogan Experience #106 - Steve Rannazzisi

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Summary

Transcript