The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1061 - Tom Papa

00:00:05.000 Three, two, one.

00:00:10.000 Happy New Year, Tom Papa!

00:00:13.000 See how happy you get?

00:00:18.000 Thank you for the gift.

00:00:19.000 You're welcome.

00:00:19.000 I've always wanted one of these.

00:00:21.000 It's amazing.

00:00:22.000 Not really.

00:00:22.000 It is.

00:00:25.000 I got two things that I really don't want today.

00:00:30.000 One was herpes.

00:00:31.000 No.

00:00:32.000 One was Yeezys. 0.98

00:00:36.000 You'll love them.

00:00:37.000 He got me the wrong pair and I said, take these back.

00:00:40.000 These are yours.

00:00:41.000 You keep them.

00:00:42.000 And he came back and brought me the right size.

00:00:45.000 He insists.

00:00:46.000 First he brought me the wrong size.

00:00:48.000 What's wrong with them? 1.00

00:00:49.000 They're fucking preposterous. 1.00

00:00:51.000 Let me see them. 0.99

00:00:54.000 If you were Brendan Chobb, they're the perfect thing because they're in.

00:01:01.000 This looks like something from the 90s.

00:01:04.000 Yeah.

00:01:04.000 Like some kind of shoe from the 90s.

00:01:07.000 Now, what level of outrage would there be if I started wearing these to run the mountains?

00:01:12.000 What if they were really comfortable and you liked them?

00:01:15.000 Is that what's going on?

00:01:16.000 So you think that if I put them on, I would all of a sudden love them and I would get it.

00:01:21.000 Those are street?

00:01:22.000 Maybe.

00:01:22.000 Are those for the street?

00:01:24.000 Does he have, like, a bird heel where you have, like, an extra hook in the back of the heel?

00:01:31.000 Yeah.

00:01:31.000 Like, why does it go, like, a normal heel?

00:01:33.000 Like, here's a normal heel.

00:01:35.000 Right.

00:01:36.000 Flat.

00:01:36.000 Flush.

00:01:37.000 Yeah, it's flat.

00:01:38.000 This, like, goes out at an angle.

00:01:41.000 This one does, too.

00:01:42.000 That does, too.

00:01:42.000 It's the boost.

00:01:43.000 It's the stylish shoe.

00:01:44.000 It's the bottom.

00:01:45.000 It's part of the Adidas.

00:01:47.000 Is it the style or is it the feel that you really like?

00:01:53.000 The feel.

00:01:54.000 Well, both.

00:01:55.000 Honestly, both.

00:01:55.000 But these are really comfortable shoes.

00:01:57.000 The Boost is super comfortable.

00:01:58.000 Is this an Adidas made shoe?

00:02:00.000 Oh, so Adidas makes the Yeezys?

00:02:03.000 Yeah, and there's just no Adidas logo on there, so it's hard to tell that.

00:02:06.000 You're starting to like them.

00:02:07.000 You're starting to warm up. 0.99

00:02:08.000 Well, it's weird how they have this military style number thing on the side, like some fucking Korean missile. 0.98

00:02:18.000 What is that? 0.97

00:02:19.000 I couldn't tell you what it stands for.

00:02:20.000 I've seen multiple things.

00:02:21.000 It could just be supply, or it could be an acronym for something.

00:02:25.000 Yeah, they look like they're from the 90s.

00:02:27.000 It does, right?

00:02:28.000 Enjoy them.

00:02:30.000 Thank you, sir.

00:02:31.000 Why an accordion?

00:02:33.000 Are you a monkey? 0.59

00:02:35.000 No, the guy has the accordion. 0.65

00:02:36.000 The monkey dances.

00:02:37.000 The monkey dances.

00:02:38.000 I love the sound of the accordion.

00:02:40.000 And I just saw it.

00:02:42.000 And I just wanted to bring something to the new studio. 0.99

00:02:44.000 I like how you have a lot of weird shit here. 0.97

00:02:47.000 And this is weird. 0.98

00:02:48.000 That somebody loved this sound so much that they decided, let's make an instrument out of it.

00:02:53.000 Yeah, are there like real complicated ones of those?

00:02:56.000 Big. 0.98

00:02:57.000 Do people play them in orchestras and shit? 0.99

00:03:00.000 No, I don't think they ever made it into the orchestra. 0.94

00:03:03.000 So it's never been like a really respected piece of musical instrument?

00:03:06.000 Zydeco, New Orleans, Buckwheat Zydeco, you ever hear that guy?

00:03:10.000 Sure, yeah.

00:03:13.000 Polka, a lot of Polish polka.

00:03:15.000 Do you remember Zamfir, master of the pan flute?

00:03:17.000 Of course. 0.99

00:03:18.000 What happened to that poor bastard? 0.99

00:03:19.000 Like, he had a whole marketing team behind him. 0.99

00:03:21.000 They're like, dude, no one's done this.

00:03:23.000 No one's done this, but we're gonna do this.

00:03:25.000 Master of the pan flute.

00:03:27.000 DVDs, CDs, VHS tapes.

00:03:29.000 We're gonna sell it all.

00:03:31.000 There's literally no competition.

00:03:32.000 There's nothing.

00:03:33.000 You can do this.

00:03:34.000 You're Zamfier. 1.00

00:03:35.000 He's the Tony Hawk of the pan flute, right?

00:03:38.000 And here he is.

00:03:38.000 Give me some volume on this guy.

00:03:44.000 Look at the chest hair.

00:03:45.000 And the chain.

00:03:46.000 Gold chain.

00:03:48.000 20 million records?

00:03:49.000 What?

00:03:54.000 He looks like a guy that works in the deli.

00:04:01.000 That is a very forgettable sound.

00:04:04.000 It's a recorder.

00:04:05.000 It's like one of the things you learn when you're in fourth grade and they teach you music.

00:04:10.000 That goofy flute-like thing.

00:04:13.000 I never paid attention to the recorder because they gave me the recorder and I go, how come I don't see this in bands? 0.99

00:04:21.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.98

00:04:22.000 I'm not going to spend some time learning an instrument that no one plays. 1.00

00:04:27.000 You had to though, and you had to carry it in your sock.

00:04:30.000 Don't you remember?

00:04:30.000 You had to put it in your sock.

00:04:32.000 They didn't even have cases.

00:04:33.000 They'd just give you an old tube sock from your dad and put it in there.

00:04:37.000 That's right. 0.99

00:04:38.000 No one makes a case for the fucking recorder. 0.99

00:04:41.000 No! 1.00

00:04:41.000 You have to put in your dad's sock. 1.00

00:04:43.000 And it didn't make any sense either that it was, oh, he's got it?

00:04:46.000 Oh, this is Jethro Tull.

00:04:47.000 But he plays a flute, right?

00:04:48.000 Well, it said pan flute when I typed it in, but it's just a flute, rock flute. 1.00

00:04:51.000 Well, he's a bad motherfucker. 0.99

00:04:52.000 Yeah, Jethro Tull's... 1.00

00:04:54.000 He's good and crazy.

00:04:57.000 What a freaky looking dude. 0.99

00:04:59.000 He looks like he lives in a hollowed out tree.

00:05:04.000 Right?

00:05:05.000 He does.

00:05:07.000 Oh my god.

00:05:08.000 Scurries out when you walk by on the trail.

00:05:10.000 Hello!

00:05:11.000 Has anybody else figured out how to use the flute in rock and roll music besides Jethro Tull?

00:05:16.000 Uh, yeah, there's been some flute.

00:05:18.000 There's been, uh...

00:05:20.000 But not like him, right?

00:05:21.000 No.

00:05:22.000 Where it's a part of it.

00:05:23.000 The lead.

00:05:24.000 He's the lead guy.

00:05:26.000 Isn't that weird how a band will come along and they'll just figure out how to do something that no one's figured out?

00:05:31.000 Yeah.

00:05:32.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:05:33.000 No, we're going to do this.

00:05:34.000 Yeah, we're just going to throw a flute in the mix.

00:05:37.000 And then everybody's like, I like it.

00:05:39.000 It kind of works.

00:05:40.000 Should we get a flute?

00:05:42.000 I was doing this show last weekend and this guy had an oboe.

00:05:48.000 In San Francisco, he's one of the oboists in the world.

00:05:53.000 And he's playing this instrument.

00:05:55.000 It's very melancholy, just beautiful.

00:05:57.000 But it really was occurring to me, like, why?

00:06:00.000 Who built this?

00:06:01.000 Who thought this sound was so important?

00:06:04.000 When?

00:06:05.000 That they decided, we're going to make an instrument so we can recreate this feeling and this sound for all those instruments. 0.99

00:06:12.000 Boy, if you gave me a pen and a paper and told me to draw an oboe, I'd be fucked. 0.81

00:06:17.000 Yeah, it's not what I thought it was. 0.98

00:06:20.000 I was like, oh yeah, I'll see that.

00:06:21.000 Before you pull up a picture of it, let me think of what it looks like.

00:06:25.000 I'm thinking of a trombone.

00:06:27.000 I'm thinking of a thing where, but it's definitely not that.

00:06:29.000 I thought it was way bigger.

00:06:31.000 Okay, pull it up.

00:06:32.000 Let me see what the oboe is.

00:06:33.000 Straight up.

00:06:33.000 Oh, it looks like a flute.

00:06:34.000 Yeah, it's straight.

00:06:35.000 It looks almost like a clarinet.

00:06:37.000 Oh, yeah, a clarinet.

00:06:38.000 That's what I'm thinking, not a flute.

00:06:40.000 That looks more clarinet-ish.

00:06:41.000 That looks pretty badass.

00:06:44.000 Oboe and pop.

00:06:46.000 That's in Waterworld?

00:06:48.000 I don't know.

00:06:49.000 Not the movie, right?

00:06:51.000 That's not a good example. 0.97

00:06:52.000 You know what's fucked up? 0.97

00:06:52.000 Waterworld's a terrible movie. 0.97

00:06:54.000 Waterworld's a terrible movie, but they have a damn good theme show at Universal.

00:07:00.000 It's very good. 0.73

00:07:01.000 It's really good.

00:07:02.000 But it's amazing. 1.00

00:07:03.000 It's like nobody watched that fucking movie. 1.00

00:07:05.000 It was a gigantic flop. 1.00

00:07:07.000 Yeah.

00:07:07.000 But still, in 2018, they put on a jammin' live show with Waterworld.

00:07:13.000 So everybody's like, wait, what the fuck is this based on? 0.97

00:07:16.000 Right. 0.99

00:07:18.000 This is some sort of dystopian world where, like, everybody is drowning, right?

00:07:23.000 The water's risen to the top of everything, and there's baddies and good people, and then there's stunt people that are risking their lives as explosions and fire.

00:07:33.000 Flying jet skis.

00:07:35.000 I went to see it with my family.

00:07:36.000 It's hot. 0.98

00:07:36.000 We got fucking drenched, by the way. 0.98

00:07:39.000 If you're going to go to see this, don't go during a cold day. 0.99

00:07:42.000 It doesn't matter good or bad seats, man. 0.99

00:07:43.000 That shit goes up into the 15th, 16th rows. 0.99

00:07:47.000 Look at that. 0.99

00:07:48.000 That is good production value.

00:07:49.000 It's great because it's like a play, but it's fun to watch.

00:07:53.000 It's very enjoyable.

00:07:54.000 That's all Kevin Costner had to do, was just do this.

00:07:57.000 He didn't have to make that gigantic movie.

00:08:00.000 Well, that movie just...

00:08:01.000 Dennis Hopper?

00:08:01.000 That movie was a...

00:08:03.000 I had some friends that worked on it that were stunt people in the movie, and they were just talking about the amount of money that, like, whenever you're filming anything involving water, like, you're fucked. 0.94

00:08:13.000 Everything is insanely expensive. 0.95

00:08:16.000 Right, right.

00:08:16.000 Everything is...

00:08:18.000 Your cameras, your...

00:08:19.000 It's all underwater.

00:08:20.000 Everything's water.

00:08:21.000 It's wet.

00:08:22.000 Everything's wet.

00:08:23.000 The whole thing was crazy. 0.93

00:08:24.000 And it sucked. 0.99

00:08:26.000 It did suck. 0.99

00:08:28.000 I tried to watch it actually recently. 1.00

00:08:30.000 Fucking terrible movie. 1.00

00:08:31.000 It's got a cigar. 1.00

00:08:32.000 It's a cool idea that the seas have risen and now you have to live on this boat. 1.00

00:08:38.000 Yeah, but he's in a fight for his life and shit, and he's got a fucking cigar in his mouth. 0.99

00:08:42.000 It's one of those movies. 0.99

00:08:43.000 Yeah, and they have weird comedic guys, and then Dennis Hopper looks cool, but it's kind of weird.

00:08:48.000 Yeah, see?

00:08:48.000 These guys are about to shoot him, and he's got a cigar in his mouth.

00:08:51.000 Look, everybody's dirty, but it's wet out. 1.00

00:08:53.000 Get in the water, you fuck! 1.00

00:08:55.000 You dirty, stinky bitch! 1.00

00:08:58.000 There's water everywhere! 1.00

00:08:59.000 That's a great point.

00:09:01.000 Why are they filthy?

00:09:02.000 The whole place is a tub. 1.00

00:09:04.000 It's because it's a rip-off of Mad Max. 0.99

00:09:07.000 But Mad Max, the dystopian Mad Max movie, was made in a place where there's no fucking water. 0.98

00:09:12.000 Here in the desert. 1.00

00:09:13.000 They had a reason to be dirty, you fucking plagiarists. 1.00

00:09:16.000 Just jump in the water. 1.00

00:09:17.000 See, he's fighting for his lifer and he's got a cigar in his mouth. 1.00

00:09:20.000 Spit the cigar out, you cunt. 1.00

00:09:22.000 You're gonna get shot. 1.00

00:09:23.000 Jesus. 0.82

00:09:24.000 Jesus Christ.

00:09:25.000 I did like that boat, though.

00:09:27.000 That was a pretty cool boat that he could control the whole thing.

00:09:31.000 It's bad, but it's not nearly as bad as the postman.

00:09:35.000 The Postman was another dystopian movie that was a colossal failure starring Kevin Costner. 0.84

00:09:42.000 I'm not shitting on Kevin Costner.

00:09:44.000 I'm a huge Kevin Costner fan. 0.87

00:09:45.000 I love that guy.

00:09:46.000 But he was in a couple of stinkers that kind of tanked him for a long time.

00:09:51.000 The Postman from 1997 is one of the worst movies in the history of bad movies. 0.99

00:09:58.000 So bad that I will get high and watch it occasionally just for the fucking yucks. 0.98

00:10:03.000 I've never even seen this one. 0.98

00:10:05.000 Oh, yeah, in the future.

00:10:06.000 Oh, and that's Simeon Ribisi, whatever his name is.

00:10:08.000 Yeah, whatever, Giovanni Ribisi.

00:10:10.000 Giovanni Ribisi. 0.99

00:10:10.000 Yeah, you get kicked in the head there. 0.99

00:10:13.000 In this movie, like...

00:10:15.000 Who is he?

00:10:15.000 Kevin Costner has to deliver the letters.

00:10:17.000 It's like this big thing.

00:10:18.000 In the future, there's no post office anymore, so he's got to be like the postman, but they're trying to kill him. 0.99

00:10:25.000 Look, they're going to fucking get him. 0.99

00:10:27.000 He's got to run across the bridge. 0.99

00:10:28.000 He's like, I've got letters.

00:10:30.000 He's got the mail.

00:10:31.000 What are you doing? 1.00

00:10:32.000 The fuck are you doing with these letters? 0.99

00:10:34.000 I gotta bring them. 0.99

00:10:35.000 It's important we communicate.

00:10:37.000 Is this all because the Dances with Wolves was so good?

00:10:39.000 They tried to redo it?

00:10:41.000 No, this is nothing like Dances with Wolves.

00:10:45.000 Get them back in the woods.

00:10:46.000 I think this is based on a novel.

00:10:48.000 If I remember correctly.

00:10:50.000 See if that movie, The Postman, is based on a novel.

00:10:52.000 I think it's based on a science fiction or future fiction novel, if I remember correctly.

00:11:01.000 I never even heard of that movie.

00:11:02.000 Oh, it's so bad.

00:11:03.000 It's great.

00:11:04.000 Yeah, it is made of a book.

00:11:06.000 Okay, yeah.

00:11:06.000 So yeah, it's about, I think it might be like post-nuclear war or something.

00:11:12.000 Who's trying to stop them?

00:11:14.000 People don't like mail.

00:11:16.000 Guess what year it takes place then.

00:11:18.000 Let me guess.

00:11:19.000 2014. 13. Oh my god!

00:11:22.000 That's great.

00:11:24.000 The other day we were looking at Blade Runner.

00:11:27.000 Blade Runner was 2019. Yeah.

00:11:29.000 Oh really?

00:11:30.000 The original one was 2019. Wow.

00:11:32.000 Next year.

00:11:33.000 Flying cars.

00:11:34.000 Robo people.

00:11:34.000 So off.

00:11:35.000 Not so.

00:11:35.000 Well, we might make it.

00:11:38.000 We're going fast.

00:11:39.000 The thing is, whatever does happen will happen so fast, we'll wish for something like Blade Runner, where there's some sort of intermediate world where the technology and the people coexist.

00:11:51.000 Right, because we're just gonna be Yeah, we're just going to be plugged into it, like the Matrix.

00:11:56.000 It's just going to be slow, and then all of a sudden.

00:11:59.000 It's going to be just, if you go back to 1994, which is essentially when most people started logging on to, you've got mail, right?

00:12:07.000 That's 24 years ago.

00:12:09.000 Okay, that's not a long time.

00:12:11.000 No.

00:12:11.000 That's a tiny, brief little moment in human history, and in 24 years, the world's radically changed the way it gets information.

00:12:18.000 Completely.

00:12:19.000 Completely, right?

00:12:20.000 Yeah.

00:12:20.000 Now, go 24 years from now, it's probably gonna be accelerated tenfold from that point.

00:12:27.000 Like, the moment artificial intelligence happens, the moment autonomous cars start happening, the moment the boring company actually has tunnels going through the bottom of L.A. All of it's going to be fucking bananas.

00:12:39.000 I had a guy from Tesla Energy at my house yesterday.

00:12:44.000 And they bought SolarCity, so it's no longer this solar company.

00:12:50.000 They're now Tesla Energy.

00:12:51.000 Tesla Energy is now the car, the trucks.

00:12:54.000 The batteries, the power wall, generators, and the solar.

00:12:58.000 And this guy comes in like he's from the future.

00:13:01.000 He is dressed like a future guy in this, like, black-fitted thing.

00:13:05.000 He's kind of like those shoes, but in white.

00:13:07.000 And he just kind of comes in.

00:13:09.000 He's really sharp and, like, really clear and just goes through the thing.

00:13:12.000 He's probably on Adderall.

00:13:13.000 And their thing is that they're going to put solar on the roof, and then you have your power wall.

00:13:20.000 You're still connected to the grid because you've got to...

00:13:24.000 They have to for political reasons.

00:13:26.000 But their whole thing, they want to create Tesla neighborhoods where everybody starts feeding off of each other.

00:13:31.000 They're just completely autonomous Tesla neighborhoods.

00:13:36.000 That's a good point what you just said, though, about that it's politically motivated, the reason why they have to stay on the grid.

00:13:42.000 It's the only reason.

00:13:43.000 They don't need it.

00:13:44.000 Yeah.

00:13:44.000 But in order to get things passed, like have that big battery in your house, they wouldn't let that happen unless, because that really would mean that you're completely cut off, and the politicians are like, no, all that's not happening.

00:13:58.000 Isn't that crazy?

00:14:00.000 Because...

00:14:01.000 That's a more efficient way to do it.

00:14:03.000 You're getting the power from the sun.

00:14:05.000 It's cleaner.

00:14:05.000 It's better for everybody.

00:14:07.000 And yet they're still like, no.

00:14:08.000 No, we want to keep these jobs.

00:14:10.000 We want to keep this system.

00:14:12.000 We want to slow down progress.

00:14:14.000 We don't want everybody to have to radically readjust.

00:14:17.000 Yeah.

00:14:18.000 And the costs for energy are just going up so quickly that in like three years what you pay in Southern California is almost going to double.

00:14:29.000 Three years?

00:14:30.000 Really?

00:14:30.000 Yeah.

00:14:31.000 Yeah.

00:14:32.000 Wow.

00:14:32.000 Because they have to reach benchmarks by 2020. Did you see what Tesla did in Puerto Rico?

00:14:38.000 No.

00:14:39.000 What did they do?

00:14:39.000 I remember him saying he was going to do this, and then there was no news coverage about it.

00:14:45.000 But their whole infrastructure was wiped out during the hurricane.

00:14:49.000 Like, completely.

00:14:50.000 That old, archaic electric shot.

00:14:54.000 He had all these power walls.

00:14:55.000 They're giant batteries about the size of the flag.

00:14:58.000 And they just store all of this energy, like a year's worth of energy you can store.

00:15:03.000 And they were about to be shipped to customers here in the U.S. who bought them, who want them in their house.

00:15:07.000 You know, it was backup generators, basically.

00:15:10.000 They're supposed to ship in January.

00:15:12.000 They're not shipping now until April because he decided these people in Puerto Rico need energy, took all of those Powerwalls, shipped them to Puerto Rico, and has built this new infrastructure for Puerto Rico.

00:15:27.000 Hospitals are running on Tesla.

00:15:29.000 Schools are running on Tesla.

00:15:31.000 Neighborhoods are running on it.

00:15:32.000 And it was this quiet little story, like nobody...

00:15:36.000 This is a kick-ass company that went in and literally is saving this island. 1.00

00:15:40.000 Listen, fuck Oprah. 1.00

00:15:42.000 We need Elon Musk to run for president. 1.00

00:15:44.000 I'm tired of people saying Oprah.

00:15:46.000 The last couple of days have been hell for me.

00:15:49.000 I love Oprah.

00:15:50.000 Don't get me wrong.

00:15:51.000 I think she's a wonderful woman.

00:15:52.000 I think she's a powerful force of good and positive energy. 0.99

00:15:56.000 But she ain't no Elon.

00:15:57.000 But she also brought us Dr. Oz and The Secret.

00:16:00.000 We have to remember what this lady has done. 0.74

00:16:04.000 She has to be held accountable. 1.00

00:16:06.000 I forgive her, but, I mean, cut the shit. 1.00

00:16:10.000 The secret is a particularly egregious offense. 0.99

00:16:13.000 What, you don't, you just...

00:16:15.000 You don't believe?

00:16:16.000 You don't believe?

00:16:17.000 Believe?

00:16:18.000 Believe?

00:16:19.000 I want to be rich.

00:16:21.000 I am rich.

00:16:23.000 I imagine myself flying.

00:16:25.000 I can fly.

00:16:27.000 I will beat my wings until I take off.

00:16:32.000 Yeah.

00:16:32.000 It was one of the more—I won't say disturbing, but it was confusing when that was taking hold of people.

00:16:41.000 I had friends that were telling me that the secret is real and that they imagined they were going to fulfill these childhood dreams that they had had.

00:16:50.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:16:50.000 About whatever, being a fucking astronaut, whatever it would be. 0.97

00:16:54.000 There was a couple people that I knew that were trying to tell me that the secret was going to be the thing, and that they had a vision board, and they had photographs, they put pictures up of the things that they wanted, like them in front of large crowds and shit, and I'm like, oh boy. 0.98

00:17:09.000 Them in front of large crowds.

00:17:11.000 This is so not how it works.

00:17:13.000 Yeah.

00:17:14.000 But there is a kernel of it that works.

00:17:17.000 Yep.

00:17:17.000 Positive thinking, you wanting something, you envisioning it.

00:17:21.000 But that's a little component in just how you live your life.

00:17:25.000 It's not just sitting in your place and wishing it so.

00:17:28.000 It's like saying, I am going to be a bodybuilder because I drink water.

00:17:38.000 Yeah.

00:17:39.000 Where do I start?

00:17:41.000 You should drink water and it will help you if you want to be a bodybuilder.

00:17:45.000 But I've talked to all these bodybuilders and the one thing they have in common is they all drank water and they knew that if they drank water they would be giant.

00:17:52.000 They'd be giant, huge people.

00:17:54.000 That's all you gotta do.

00:17:55.000 Okay, but did they also perform reps to failure?

00:17:59.000 Did they also take steroids?

00:18:01.000 Did they also do these exercises?

00:18:04.000 Squats, deadlifts, curls, you know?

00:18:06.000 Did they do all that stuff too?

00:18:08.000 Yes, but the water...

00:18:10.000 Why aren't you a believer?

00:18:11.000 This is what it's like.

00:18:12.000 It's because they're saying, like, no, these people...

00:18:15.000 They believe that they can do these things.

00:18:17.000 They had this vision and they focused on this vision and it came to fruition.

00:18:22.000 You know what they also did? 0.99

00:18:24.000 They also busted their fucking ass and got lucky and were in a business or career that they had some talent in and figured out what that career is and figured out how to navigate the very weird waters of social interaction and skill acquisition and success and failure and how to learn. 0.99

00:18:46.000 And luck! 1.00

00:18:47.000 That's the big problem is you're dealing with complete sampling bias.

00:18:51.000 You're only asking people that are in the mansions, Tom Papa, how did you do it?

00:18:56.000 I mean, I see you here.

00:18:58.000 You have this place.

00:18:59.000 It's as big as the White House.

00:19:01.000 You have a giant lawn.

00:19:03.000 Did you always know this was going to be your reality?

00:19:06.000 I saw it and I just put it on my vision board. 1.00

00:19:10.000 What the fuck? 0.98

00:19:11.000 Obviously it doesn't stick around. 1.00

00:19:13.000 It became a fad because all these people at some point had to take the board down.

00:19:19.000 Well, and unfortunately some people died because there was a story I was reading about Oprah, unfortunately, where this woman had terminal cancer.

00:19:30.000 And she had stage 3 breast cancer and just decided that through the secret she was going to imagine herself a healthy person.

00:19:38.000 And then, you know, she eventually wound up dying from it because she didn't get treatment. 0.92

00:19:43.000 Yeah, I know.

00:19:44.000 I mean, she stopped conventional medical treatment.

00:19:51.000 But what part of...

00:19:52.000 So how far do you go with positive thinking?

00:19:57.000 Because I see you as a fellow that...

00:20:02.000 I would think positive thinking plays into your life.

00:20:05.000 Well, what does that even mean, really?

00:20:08.000 Like, do I think positive?

00:20:09.000 I think in a positive way.

00:20:12.000 I try to be positive.

00:20:15.000 But when you're trying to accomplish something, whether you're trying to You know get better at something like say if you're playing a game like what if let's say golf like say take up golf and you want to be a really good golfer like you start thinking about golf like how do I get better at golf you have to learn you have to pay attention to instructional videos you have to maybe seek out coaching you have to play some games and lose you have to choke under pressure you have to examine the mental game like what is wrong

00:20:45.000 with my mental process when I approach a shot what is wrong with this what is wrong and then Become obsessed with the idea of succeeding in that.

00:20:55.000 And I think that can apply to everything.

00:20:59.000 I certainly believe in positive thinking, but that was like mystic nonsense.

00:21:04.000 No, that tips over and it discounts all the other stuff that you have to do.

00:21:09.000 There's something to the law of attraction, but it is one component to this gigantic There's this sort of spectrum of factors that have to be taken into consideration when you're trying to succeed at something.

00:21:25.000 Positive thinking is one of them, but it's also the understanding of how to eliminate laziness, how to discipline yourself, how to write down goals.

00:21:35.000 How to make incremental steps towards improvement.

00:21:39.000 How to recognize failure is not just the end of all your hard work but in fact the beginning of a new breakthrough because you understand how to never do this wrong the wrong way again and the consequences of doing things wrong.

00:21:52.000 It's like there's a lot of...

00:21:53.000 There's a lot of factors in getting better and succeeding at things, and they boiled it down to the easiest one, which is dreaming.

00:22:02.000 Right.

00:22:03.000 Right, exactly.

00:22:04.000 And that's why it's sold, but Oprah sold it.

00:22:08.000 I mean, she was one of the big ones, man.

00:22:10.000 She was all in. 0.99

00:22:11.000 She was fucking 50 years old at the time. 0.99

00:22:13.000 I mean, this is not a young woman who was selling this. 0.99

00:22:16.000 How old is Oprah now?

00:22:17.000 75. 89?

00:22:21.000 No, she just ran a marathon in four hours. 0.77

00:22:23.000 Did she really?

00:22:24.000 She's 67?

00:22:25.000 63. She ran a marathon? 0.54

00:22:28.000 Yeah, so let's think of when The Secret came out.

00:22:33.000 I want to say that was like 2006-ish.

00:22:36.000 2004. 2006, okay.

00:22:39.000 So 12 years ago, she was 50 years old. 0.90

00:22:42.000 How the fuck do you not know when you're 50 years old and worth a billion dollars that that's not how it works? 0.98

00:22:48.000 That it's hocus pocus. 0.99

00:22:49.000 Yeah, it's not hocus pocus.

00:22:51.000 And to sell that to people is crazy.

00:22:55.000 And that's a book that sold, I think I was reading it, sold somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 million copies.

00:23:01.000 Wow.

00:23:02.000 Is that what it says, yeah?

00:23:03.000 Jeez.

00:23:04.000 That's crazy.

00:23:04.000 Well, you want an easy way.

00:23:06.000 You want something that's easy.

00:23:07.000 Everybody wants, you're in trouble, you're feeling whatever, and they want something to come, something come and help me.

00:23:13.000 I mean, it's where religion comes from.

00:23:15.000 It's just, please.

00:23:16.000 There's that thing inside of us that's like, I want to believe.

00:23:19.000 If I believe, is that enough?

00:23:21.000 It is a lot like that.

00:23:23.000 Yeah.

00:23:23.000 There was...

00:23:24.000 One of Trump's spiritual advisors, he's got some spiritual advisor, some woman who was telling people to send her money.

00:23:34.000 Send her money for January.

00:23:36.000 There was some whole article about it.

00:23:39.000 But it's basically essentially the same thing.

00:23:41.000 It's like the idea is that, what is she saying?

00:23:44.000 Donald Trump's spiritual advisor, Paula White, suggests people send her their January salary or face consequences from God.

00:23:52.000 No.

00:23:52.000 Is that true?

00:23:55.000 She's attractive too, which is interesting.

00:23:57.000 Is that true?

00:23:58.000 Yeah, look at her. 0.91

00:23:58.000 Bam, I'll give you money. 0.91

00:23:59.000 What do I gotta do?

00:24:00.000 Alright, I'll do it.

00:24:01.000 What do I gotta do, Paula?

00:24:02.000 How much do you need?

00:24:03.000 I don't know if that's a good picture.

00:24:05.000 Maybe she just looks good when she's screaming. 1.00

00:24:07.000 Yeah, she looks good.

00:24:08.000 But, um...

00:24:09.000 Yeah, I would love for some really...

00:24:11.000 I would love for the day where there's some real powerful spiritual...

00:24:17.000 Individual who doesn't ask for money.

00:24:20.000 Well, that's not even a real powerful or spiritual individual.

00:24:24.000 It's a huckster.

00:24:25.000 I know.

00:24:26.000 That's what I mean.

00:24:26.000 Like, it would be so great if some...

00:24:28.000 Like, so you listen to some people.

00:24:30.000 Like, I watched...

00:24:30.000 I was doing some gig, and there was this black preacher, and he was out on stage, and he's talking, and it was like he's really entertaining, and he had a couple nice things that he was saying, and then, please, send me your money.

00:24:42.000 And it was like, imagine if a guy showed up Well, there is.

00:24:46.000 Who?

00:24:46.000 There's plenty of those people on Instagram.

00:24:47.000 Who don't ask for dough? 0.97

00:24:49.000 Yeah, they're just trying to get...

00:24:50.000 Okay, like Gary Vee, for instance.

00:24:52.000 Gary Vee's whole thing is about hustling.

00:24:55.000 Gary Vee's like the anti-secret.

00:24:57.000 He's anti the secret.

00:24:59.000 And when you look at what Gary Vee does, Gary Vee is all about...

00:25:06.000 I was sick for several days.

00:25:08.000 I was fighting something all last week.

00:25:10.000 Yeah, I got the flu.

00:25:11.000 I got the flu.

00:25:12.000 I thought I had it.

00:25:14.000 I left here.

00:25:17.000 I'm diverting.

00:25:18.000 Let me just get back to this Gary Vee thing.

00:25:20.000 Okay.

00:25:20.000 But with guys like him...

00:25:21.000 I do want to talk colds.

00:25:23.000 He sells books, so I don't know if he's the best example.

00:25:25.000 He sells books?

00:25:26.000 Yeah.

00:25:26.000 Yeah, but he's not asking for money.

00:25:28.000 Right, right, okay.

00:25:29.000 I mean, he's actually, and he's actually a guy who's, he's experienced some success as an entrepreneur, and I listen to people, how do I say this without being mean?

00:25:40.000 There's a lot of people that are giving advice Online, because people react well to it.

00:25:47.000 Because they're giving advice, because when they give advice, people respond to it, and they say, this is amazing, and they'll like it, and they'll give them positive feedback and love.

00:25:58.000 But their advice is at least...

00:26:03.000 A certain percent of it is just nonsense.

00:26:05.000 They're just talking.

00:26:06.000 Right.

00:26:07.000 They're just trying to say things they've heard before, or they're trying to somehow or another put together a sentence that sounds like you'll get some likes.

00:26:18.000 Yeah.

00:26:18.000 You know what I mean?

00:26:19.000 Yeah.

00:26:19.000 There's a lot of that.

00:26:20.000 You just gotta believe, guys.

00:26:21.000 You just gotta surround yourself with positive people.

00:26:23.000 Chris D'Elia makes fun of those people in a hilarious way.

00:26:25.000 He's great at it.

00:26:26.000 Is he?

00:26:26.000 Yeah.

00:26:28.000 About comedians who do it?

00:26:29.000 Not just comedians who do it, but just people who do it.

00:26:32.000 Right.

00:26:32.000 Here's the thing, sometimes people will say things that are real, that are really inspirational, and that's great too.

00:26:40.000 It's just knowing horse shit. 1.00

00:26:44.000 You gotta know horse shit. 1.00

00:26:45.000 A lot of people don't know where the horse shit is. 1.00

00:26:48.000 The secret is horse shit. 1.00

00:26:50.000 See, that's the problem. 1.00

00:26:52.000 Gary Vee is inspirational and motivational.

00:26:55.000 I guarantee you there's a lot of people out there that have done things in their life that they might not have done because of Gary Vee. 0.99

00:27:02.000 Because he's a hustler, because he's really got a lot of energy, and he's like, just fucking put down your phone. 0.97

00:27:07.000 Go out there and get things done. 0.99

00:27:09.000 Sleep an hour less. 1.00

00:27:10.000 Sleep a fucking hour less. 0.99

00:27:12.000 And he'll just tell you, like, do this, sell that. 0.99

00:27:14.000 And he gives you practical advice about how to get started and get things done.

00:27:18.000 It's like the opposite of the secret.

00:27:20.000 Does he hold seminars? 1.00

00:27:21.000 I'm sure Gary does shit like that. 0.99

00:27:23.000 It sounds like Tony Robbins. 1.00

00:27:25.000 Sort of, but he's more like...

00:27:27.000 He's like a younger, more energetic hustler character.

00:27:31.000 Crystal Lee, what does this say?

00:27:34.000 Play this.

00:27:35.000 Give me some volume.

00:27:35.000 Hard work.

00:27:36.000 Hard work.

00:27:41.000 It says you can do anything you put your mind to except most things.

00:27:46.000 Perseverance.

00:27:47.000 He's got an eagle on his shoulder.

00:27:50.000 Never backing down.

00:27:59.000 It's so funny.

00:28:00.000 Meanwhile, he does all those things as well.

00:28:03.000 This is from his last special.

00:28:05.000 Meanwhile, he works hard.

00:28:06.000 It's really funny.

00:28:06.000 The funny thing is, Chris actually does work hard.

00:28:08.000 I literally...

00:28:09.000 Well, yeah, that's the kind of...

00:28:11.000 Yeah, I mean, Kevin Hart now has moved into that realm.

00:28:15.000 He has so many people listening to him, and all of a sudden, they just...

00:28:19.000 You know, he's...

00:28:20.000 I love him.

00:28:21.000 He's hilarious.

00:28:21.000 He's a really good guy.

00:28:22.000 I've known him for a long time.

00:28:23.000 But now he's got so many followers and he has so many people listening that he's starting to do that.

00:28:29.000 He's not just telling jokes.

00:28:31.000 He's doing crunches and telling you you've got to believe.

00:28:34.000 And I said to my daughter, my daughter was like, is he a comedian?

00:28:38.000 She asked me.

00:28:39.000 She was showing the thing.

00:28:40.000 I said, yeah, he's really funny.

00:28:41.000 I said, but this is a different thing.

00:28:43.000 I said, do you think I can make videos and just tell people to live better?

00:28:47.000 Would they like that?

00:28:48.000 No, Dad.

00:28:49.000 Well, I'm guilty of that, too.

00:28:50.000 I've done that, too.

00:28:51.000 But there's things that you know that you've experienced and that you've done that you want people to know about.

00:28:58.000 But it's not everything I say.

00:29:01.000 The problem with some people...

00:29:03.000 Well, that's the key.

00:29:03.000 All day, you're inspiring people?

00:29:05.000 That's all you fucking do? 0.99

00:29:06.000 Right. 1.00

00:29:06.000 All you do. 1.00

00:29:07.000 Right.

00:29:08.000 All you do is give out advice.

00:29:09.000 Advice, yeah.

00:29:10.000 That's it.

00:29:11.000 What do you do?

00:29:12.000 Yeah.

00:29:12.000 Do you just advice give?

00:29:13.000 No, there's a thing about...

00:29:16.000 There's a thing about Kevin, there's a thing about you, that you watch somebody, they're interesting, you like them, and they're getting shit done, and you're like, I'll take advice from this guy, I'll hear what he has to say.

00:29:26.000 There is that element.

00:29:28.000 It's when it becomes... 1.00

00:29:29.000 Bullshit. 1.00

00:29:30.000 Bullshit. 1.00

00:29:30.000 When it becomes, no, you have to listen to me because I have all the answers. 1.00

00:29:34.000 Right.

00:29:34.000 And God talks to me, and that kind of stuff.

00:29:36.000 Well, there's songs that...

00:29:39.000 There's love songs that you hear that hit you and you go, wow, why does that resonate so much?

00:29:46.000 Why is that so profound? 1.00

00:29:47.000 And then there's songs where you're like, shut this stupid fucking nonsense down, right? 1.00

00:29:53.000 It's like there's this pop, music-y, plastic, hollow, empty bullshit that also has a lot of those same words in it, right? 1.00

00:30:05.000 Like, what is the difference? 0.98

00:30:07.000 And that millions of people like.

00:30:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:30:09.000 Yeah, but they're dumb as fuck. 1.00

00:30:10.000 Well, that's... 1.00

00:30:11.000 But it's the same thing. 0.99

00:30:13.000 You've got all these people that still buy into the horseshit. 0.98

00:30:16.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:30:17.000 There is a big herd of people out there that you can, if you just start doing...

00:30:21.000 If Chris just stopped being a comedian and started posting videos like that all the time... 0.99

00:30:26.000 Oh, he would kick ass. 0.99

00:30:27.000 He'd get followers. 0.99

00:30:27.000 Well, if he really wanted to, if Delia really wanted to be an inspirational guy, he's a handsome fella. 0.99

00:30:34.000 He's got a great voice.

00:30:35.000 He's got a lot of energy.

00:30:37.000 He's dynamic.

00:30:38.000 He could do that.

00:30:40.000 He's fit.

00:30:41.000 He could do something like that if he wanted to.

00:30:43.000 Kevin, the same thing.

00:30:44.000 The thing is, though, Chris can do other things. 0.97

00:30:47.000 A lot of these inspirational fucks, they really can't do things. 0.94

00:30:51.000 They're not doing anything. 0.98

00:30:53.000 They're not producing any great works.

00:30:55.000 They're not doing any interesting art.

00:30:58.000 They're not creating any interesting music.

00:31:00.000 They're not making any funny comedy.

00:31:02.000 What they're doing is just trying to...

00:31:05.000 You know, there's a lot of people out there that don't think they can do it, but you can.

00:31:08.000 It's in you.

00:31:09.000 It's a flower that must be watered with the love of the gods.

00:31:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:31:15.000 Oh, you cunts. 1.00

00:31:16.000 There's so many of them. 1.00

00:31:17.000 They're overwhelming.

00:31:18.000 They are.

00:31:19.000 So their business...

00:31:21.000 Is not getting money from you necessarily.

00:31:24.000 Their business is in you paying attention to them and then as you pay attention to them and to their social media, their social media page grows and then they can do like speeches at these...

00:31:37.000 Have you seen those self-help conferences?

00:31:39.000 Oh yeah.

00:31:39.000 Some people go on boats.

00:31:40.000 They go on a cruise ship.

00:31:42.000 Yeah, the Tony Robbins stuff.

00:31:43.000 Everybody on a cruise ship is just giving different kinds of advice.

00:31:46.000 Yeah, speeches and everyone, get in here, we're going to have a session.

00:31:50.000 And it does help people.

00:31:52.000 There are people that they do help.

00:31:54.000 Yes, true.

00:31:55.000 Some of it works.

00:31:56.000 I mean, if you're lost and you don't know what's going on and you've been a loser for a while and you take a couple of his tips, Yeah. 0.97

00:32:03.000 And you start working and writing shit down and going and have some self-confidence. 0.97

00:32:08.000 It can help your life. 0.99

00:32:09.000 But there's some of these guys that all they're doing is just trying to figure out a way to give people advice when they've never done shit themselves. 0.98

00:32:18.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:32:19.000 And it's not worth listening to.

00:32:22.000 Right.

00:32:22.000 But yet they're there.

00:32:23.000 Yeah.

00:32:24.000 But is that any worse than an open mic-er?

00:32:29.000 Right.

00:32:30.000 Is it?

00:32:31.000 I mean, if someone...

00:32:32.000 No.

00:32:32.000 What I want to do is...

00:32:33.000 I'm sorry.

00:32:34.000 If someone says, what I want to do is I want to become a motivational speaker.

00:32:36.000 I want to really help people.

00:32:38.000 I want to really touch people. 0.67

00:32:39.000 But right now, I kind of suck at it.

00:32:40.000 It's like you don't just start out as Tony Robbins. 0.95

00:32:44.000 No, that's right.

00:32:44.000 Yeah, you're just starting.

00:32:45.000 And it's like a trainer.

00:32:47.000 It's like a boxing trainer who's never really want to fight.

00:32:49.000 It could just be like an old guy who's just... 0.99

00:32:51.000 Some of those guys, most of them, in fact, are former fighters.

00:32:55.000 Are they?

00:32:56.000 Yeah.

00:32:57.000 It's very rare that someone's a boxing trainer.

00:32:59.000 Pacquiao's guy?

00:33:00.000 What, Freddie Roach?

00:33:02.000 Yeah, was he a good boxer?

00:33:03.000 Yeah, he was a famous professional.

00:33:04.000 Oh, yeah?

00:33:05.000 Yeah, he's got Parkinson's because of it.

00:33:07.000 Oh, really?

00:33:07.000 Yeah, he's got trauma-related Parkinson's disease from his time in the ring.

00:33:12.000 Angelo Dundee? 1.00

00:33:13.000 He fought, um, uh, shit, uh, what the fuck's his name? 1.00

00:33:19.000 The Puerto Rican guy. 1.00

00:33:21.000 Hagler. 0.97

00:33:21.000 Stop. 0.97

00:33:23.000 Hector Camacho.

00:33:24.000 Oh, Camacho?

00:33:25.000 Yeah, he fought Camacho.

00:33:26.000 He fought a lot of big-name guys.

00:33:29.000 Wow.

00:33:29.000 He was a big deal in terms of journeyman fighters.

00:33:33.000 Freddie Roach and his brother Pepper Roach was also a known guy in the world of boxing.

00:33:40.000 Yeah, Freddie was legit.

00:33:41.000 He was a legit guy.

00:33:42.000 Oh, yeah.

00:33:42.000 He was a legit pro.

00:33:44.000 Are there trainers that just train people that they just became trainers and weren't boxers?

00:33:49.000 They definitely have some experience.

00:33:51.000 Usually they have some amateur fights.

00:33:54.000 It's very, very rare that someone becomes a respected boxing trainer without having any competition experience.

00:34:03.000 It just doesn't seem to make any sense.

00:34:05.000 Some of them, they realize early on that they're better at coaching than they are at competing.

00:34:10.000 Whether it's because of physical dynamics or whether it's, you know, they just don't like getting hit.

00:34:16.000 Yeah.

00:34:16.000 You know?

00:34:17.000 They know the limits.

00:34:18.000 Or some people just are really good at teaching others.

00:34:20.000 Yeah.

00:34:21.000 You know, that's a weird thing, too.

00:34:23.000 In the world of jiu-jitsu, it's very common.

00:34:25.000 Because in jiu-jitsu, there's a lot of people that get really good at understanding and, like, one of the guys that's going to be here next week, John Donaher, is world famous for it.

00:34:35.000 Yeah.

00:34:36.000 He's very famous for being one of the greatest coaches in jiu-jitsu of all time, but as far as I know, very little experience in terms of actual competition.

00:34:46.000 But he's, as a coach, unparalleled.

00:34:51.000 He's universally regarded as one of the great coaches alive.

00:34:55.000 Wow, that's impressive.

00:34:57.000 I got my 12-year-old a heavy bag for Christmas.

00:35:01.000 She's wrapping her hands.

00:35:03.000 She's got gloves. 0.81

00:35:03.000 Get someone to teach her how to do it correctly. 0.81

00:35:05.000 Yeah, my buddy Matt's coming over.

00:35:07.000 He's a trainer.

00:35:09.000 He worked under Angelo Dundee for a while and opened his own gym.

00:35:12.000 My good buddy, Matt Biamonte.

00:35:13.000 And he's gonna come teach her on Thursday.

00:35:16.000 That's good.

00:35:17.000 Yeah, it's pretty cool.

00:35:18.000 It's a good way to get out aggression too.

00:35:20.000 That's why I got it for her.

00:35:21.000 She would just get angry. 1.00

00:35:22.000 She'd be doing schoolwork and be like, this is bullshit. 1.00

00:35:25.000 And I'm like, and she's like, I want to punch something. 0.99

00:35:28.000 She started like punching pillows once in a while. 0.98

00:35:31.000 So now I got her a bag.

00:35:33.000 How much of you is Italian?

00:35:36.000 All of it's Italian except for my one grandfather was German.

00:35:40.000 Angry people.

00:35:41.000 The Germans or the Italians? 0.95

00:35:42.000 Both.

00:35:43.000 Mostly Italian.

00:35:45.000 Sicilian is the dominant part.

00:35:47.000 There's a little temper there.

00:35:48.000 Angry people.

00:35:49.000 That's in her genes. 1.00

00:35:50.000 She wants to fucking feed knuckle sandwiches to people. 1.00

00:35:53.000 She really does. 1.00

00:35:54.000 She's like this beautiful 12 year old girl who just wants to punch. 1.00

00:35:58.000 My sister's that way too.

00:35:59.000 I stopped dating Italian girls when I was 21. Last Italian girl I dated took a swing at me. 0.99

00:36:04.000 I was like, I'm good.

00:36:06.000 Did you really?

00:36:07.000 Yeah.

00:36:07.000 Did you deserve it?

00:36:09.000 Nope.

00:36:09.000 But I saw it coming.

00:36:10.000 I was like, I can't believe this is happening.

00:36:14.000 She's actually trying to punch me. 1.00

00:36:16.000 She's going to punch me. 1.00

00:36:17.000 She's going to fucking punch me. 1.00

00:36:18.000 I saw her shoulder pull back. 1.00

00:36:19.000 I'm like, there's no way this is actually happening.

00:36:22.000 Yeah.

00:36:24.000 I was fighting at the time, so I was used to people punching me.

00:36:28.000 So I was just pulling her shoulder back.

00:36:29.000 I'm like, this can't be really happening.

00:36:31.000 I don't believe this is happening.

00:36:32.000 Oh my god, it's happening.

00:36:34.000 And I had to tuck under it.

00:36:37.000 It's funny.

00:36:38.000 But I think she just wanted attention.

00:36:39.000 I don't think she actually...

00:36:40.000 I think she's pretty sure that it wasn't going to land.

00:36:43.000 You know, that if she threw a punch at me that I was just going to... 1.00

00:36:46.000 Because if she really wanted to hurt me, she'd fucking hit me when I wasn't looking. 1.00

00:36:49.000 That's what people do. 1.00

00:36:50.000 They don't just look right at you, you motherfucker. 1.00

00:36:53.000 But then again, when people are in the height of some sort of fucking Sicilian love rage. 1.00

00:36:59.000 Right, exactly. 0.97

00:37:00.000 You don't want to mess with that.

00:37:01.000 Yeah.

00:37:02.000 The screaming and the yelling and the throwing things around.

00:37:04.000 That's also very East Coast.

00:37:06.000 Oh yeah. 0.99

00:37:07.000 I've talked about this ad nauseum, but I really believe that that's the echoes of those fucking barbarians that came over on boats from Europe and didn't even know what America looked like. 0.99

00:37:18.000 No. 0.99

00:37:18.000 They didn't even have a photo to look at, and these fucking cave people just pulled up on rafts and started fucking immediately. 0.99

00:37:25.000 They started baking bread, rolling up pasta, and banging each other. 0.99

00:37:29.000 Hey, I got bread for both of you.

00:37:31.000 Oh, you have two loaves. 0.99

00:37:33.000 You're an animal.

00:37:35.000 Tom, Papa, you're a god amongst men. 0.97

00:37:38.000 There you go.

00:37:38.000 This is for you.

00:37:39.000 Do you eat the bread?

00:37:40.000 I've never given you the bread.

00:37:41.000 I never gave Jamie the bread.

00:37:42.000 I'm like, he's probably going to appreciate it more.

00:37:44.000 How long will this stay good?

00:37:45.000 Because Sunday's my cheat day.

00:37:47.000 Sunday?

00:37:48.000 Yeah.

00:37:48.000 You'll be good.

00:37:49.000 Or should I just postpone my cheat day or move it to today?

00:37:53.000 If you keep it in paper, you'll have to toast it up.

00:37:57.000 What's the best way, though?

00:37:57.000 To eat it today is the best way?

00:37:59.000 To eat it today or tomorrow, actually.

00:38:01.000 Tomorrow, Thursday.

00:38:02.000 Tomorrow's better?

00:38:03.000 Yeah.

00:38:04.000 Why's it better?

00:38:04.000 Because it just came out.

00:38:06.000 So it's not good right away.

00:38:08.000 It is.

00:38:08.000 It's if you want that warmth.

00:38:09.000 It is.

00:38:10.000 But really, it gets even better a day after.

00:38:14.000 You know, that's the case with tuna.

00:38:16.000 I did not know that.

00:38:17.000 I always thought that if you bought sushi, that you're supposed to get fresh sushi.

00:38:21.000 They just pulled it out of the water.

00:38:22.000 They're going to slice it up for you right now.

00:38:23.000 But no, if you go to a real master sushi maker, that sushi sits.

00:38:28.000 Oh, really?

00:38:29.000 Yeah.

00:38:30.000 For how long? 0.99

00:38:30.000 Fucking weeks sometimes. 0.99

00:38:32.000 What? 0.99

00:38:32.000 I know. 0.99

00:38:33.000 Just the tuna?

00:38:34.000 I watched some documentary on some sushi master.

00:38:37.000 Oh, the hero?

00:38:38.000 No, it wasn't that.

00:38:39.000 It wasn't that guy.

00:38:40.000 But that guy, that's a great one too.

00:38:41.000 It's really good.

00:38:42.000 I was like, somebody, what we're talking about is Jiro, is that how you say his name?

00:38:47.000 Hero or Jiro?

00:38:50.000 Jiro or Yiro?

00:38:51.000 How do you say it though?

00:38:52.000 Do you know?

00:38:53.000 It's spelled with a J. Let's say Jiro.

00:38:56.000 Jiro dreams of sushi. 0.99

00:38:58.000 I was like, I'm not gonna watch a fucking documentary on a guy who makes sushi. 0.99

00:39:01.000 Cut the fish. 0.99

00:39:03.000 Smush the rice up.

00:39:04.000 You're done, dude.

00:39:05.000 Give me some edamame.

00:39:07.000 Get this party started.

00:39:08.000 This ain't like some complicated casserole that you're putting together.

00:39:12.000 But wow.

00:39:13.000 You watch it and you go, oh, okay. 0.98

00:39:15.000 I'm ignorant. 0.94

00:39:16.000 This guy's an artist. 0.90

00:39:17.000 Yeah, there's way more to this.

00:39:18.000 Oh my god.

00:39:19.000 His whole soul is in it.

00:39:20.000 And it comes out.

00:39:22.000 Yeah, amazing. 0.97

00:39:22.000 And his tiny ass little restaurant that's about the size of this room. 0.97

00:39:26.000 Yeah, no interest in getting bigger. 0.98

00:39:27.000 Nope.

00:39:28.000 No franchising.

00:39:29.000 Nope.

00:39:29.000 Just doing this.

00:39:30.000 Yeah.

00:39:31.000 So well that people are going to come.

00:39:34.000 There's something to that, man.

00:39:35.000 Oh, it's the best.

00:39:36.000 Doing one thing really well.

00:39:38.000 Yeah.

00:39:39.000 My God.

00:39:39.000 It's the best.

00:39:41.000 There's definitely something to that.

00:39:42.000 There's something to, especially, like, the mindset of every day trying to learn how to make that egg dish perfect.

00:39:50.000 Yeah.

00:39:51.000 That one egg dish that one guy said he worked on for a year.

00:39:55.000 Crazy. 1.00

00:39:55.000 A fucking year on eggs. 1.00

00:39:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:39:57.000 Just completely doing it over and over and over. 1.00

00:40:02.000 My bread thing is probably your bow thing, the bread thing.

00:40:07.000 You do just start to focus on this one thing and trying to do it well and it becomes a part of you.

00:40:14.000 You're starting to put yourself into it.

00:40:16.000 It's not just making bread.

00:40:19.000 It is a practice.

00:40:20.000 It is something that for a couple of years I've just gone down that wormhole.

00:40:26.000 It's a good thing.

00:40:27.000 The wormhole.

00:40:28.000 Yeah.

00:40:29.000 Doing that one thing.

00:40:30.000 I really, I feel like that sometimes with stand-up.

00:40:34.000 It's like, we have all these other things that are always going on and pulling us in different directions and stuff, and it's like, if you could just focus purely on just, if that was the only, if you weren't taking any phone calls on anything else, you weren't podcasting, you weren't writing scripts, you weren't peering on whatever,

00:40:51.000 like, would that make a difference?

00:40:53.000 Like, would you be...

00:40:54.000 Yes and no.

00:40:55.000 Because I think...

00:40:57.000 That stand-up requires a certain amount of dedication and a certain amount of time on stage, but I think it also requires a certain amount of living.

00:41:07.000 I think you need to do other things.

00:41:09.000 Right.

00:41:09.000 And although podcasting seems like a job and a distraction, one thing it is unquestionably is an exploration of ideas.

00:41:20.000 Right.

00:41:21.000 At an unprecedented level.

00:41:23.000 Yeah.

00:41:23.000 Like you're exploring ideas without looking at your phone, without talking.

00:41:28.000 Just you and I are talking for three hours.

00:41:30.000 Right.

00:41:30.000 When does that ever happen in life?

00:41:32.000 Yeah.

00:41:33.000 No, it doesn't.

00:41:34.000 There's a lot of ideas that I come up with through stand-up or in stand-up that came out of podcasts.

00:41:39.000 Oh, yeah?

00:41:40.000 For sure.

00:41:40.000 Yeah, a lot.

00:41:41.000 Yeah, your mind's active.

00:41:43.000 Yeah, so I think that...

00:41:45.000 Yeah, and writing's similar.

00:41:47.000 Writing's the same kind of a thing.

00:41:49.000 Yeah.

00:41:49.000 But I also think doing stuff is important, too.

00:41:53.000 Not just the actual sit-down talking part of the podcast, but actually going places.

00:41:58.000 Being active.

00:41:59.000 You have to experience things.

00:42:01.000 You have to watch documentaries.

00:42:02.000 You have to go to a museum.

00:42:03.000 You have to go see things.

00:42:05.000 You gotta go talk to people.

00:42:07.000 You gotta go on adventures.

00:42:08.000 You gotta go travel.

00:42:09.000 Yeah, it's filling up the well.

00:42:11.000 Yeah.

00:42:11.000 You have to think of your brain almost like you're CrossFit.

00:42:15.000 Not CrossFit.

00:42:17.000 What's that?

00:42:18.000 What's that word where you...

00:42:21.000 Cross training?

00:42:22.000 I guess that's what I'm working for.

00:42:23.000 When you're doing a bunch of different kinds of things.

00:42:26.000 Multitasking.

00:42:26.000 No, no, no.

00:42:27.000 Different types of athletic activities that will enhance your sport.

00:42:32.000 Let's say if you play hockey.

00:42:33.000 You don't just do hockey.

00:42:34.000 You also are involved in the box jumps.

00:42:37.000 You're doing a lot of sprinting up hills.

00:42:39.000 That's a good way to look at it.

00:42:40.000 Yeah.

00:42:41.000 All these things enhance this one activity.

00:42:44.000 And it's not just all you have to do is just skate all day and you'll become the best skater.

00:42:49.000 Yeah.

00:42:49.000 Well, maybe, or you could get better at the motions of skating by strengthening your legs with weightlifting, or by doing this, and you can accelerate your curve by doing yoga, or you could, you know.

00:43:01.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:43:01.000 I think that there's something to that with comedy, at least for me.

00:43:06.000 Yeah, no, I agree.

00:43:07.000 I mean, when I'm really actively writing other stuff, whether it's scripts or whatever, My writing for stand-up improves.

00:43:16.000 Yeah.

00:43:17.000 It's a muscle.

00:43:17.000 Yeah, and reading, by the way.

00:43:19.000 Reading, writing stuff, it all feeds the act.

00:43:24.000 When you then shift your focus over here back to the act, you're better because of that stuff.

00:43:31.000 But I do sometimes think, like the sushi guy, but what if the output was only geared towards that?

00:43:39.000 The input I get Doing all that stuff, but would there be a difference?

00:43:43.000 Maybe.

00:43:44.000 I mean, maybe there's something to that.

00:43:46.000 I don't know.

00:43:46.000 I don't know anybody who does it that way, though.

00:43:50.000 Well, Regan. 0.99

00:43:53.000 Yeah, but Regan plays golf and drinks and does a lot of other shit. 1.00

00:43:56.000 But he's not creating other art. 0.96

00:43:58.000 He's not writing scripts.

00:44:00.000 He also doesn't write right.

00:44:02.000 Right.

00:44:03.000 He writes kind of in his head.

00:44:05.000 Uh-huh.

00:44:05.000 And then goes on stage and works on stuff.

00:44:08.000 Right.

00:44:08.000 Yeah.

00:44:09.000 Yeah.

00:44:11.000 Which I'm torn on.

00:44:13.000 I mean, I know it's very effective.

00:44:15.000 Some people do it amazingly well, and that's how they've created incredible works of art.

00:44:20.000 But I never give that advice.

00:44:21.000 Whenever anyone asks me, I say, you should do both.

00:44:24.000 You should write down things.

00:44:25.000 You should write on a computer.

00:44:27.000 You should write, or however you like to write. 1.00

00:44:29.000 But you should also fuck around on stage. 1.00

00:44:32.000 You should do both. 1.00

00:44:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:44:33.000 That's what I think.

00:44:34.000 Yeah, no, I do too.

00:44:35.000 I can't just show up on stage and hope it's going to happen.

00:44:38.000 Well, there's some ideas that I've had that I'll, like, literally, like, have in my car, and then I'll bounce them around by myself a little bit, and not having ever written them down, I'll go on stage, and then it'll just catch fire.

00:44:52.000 Yeah.

00:44:52.000 And it'll become a bit, and there's some bits that have made it to specials that I've never even written down.

00:44:57.000 Yeah.

00:44:57.000 I just knew how to do them because I did them a bunch of times, and...

00:45:01.000 Yeah.

00:45:01.000 But most of them not, though.

00:45:03.000 Most of them not.

00:45:04.000 Or at least, I always feel like...

00:45:08.000 I'll bring an idea up on stage that hasn't been written down yet.

00:45:12.000 There's something there.

00:45:14.000 Yeah.

00:45:15.000 There's something going on, but then I bring it back to the shop and we'll play with it.

00:45:19.000 Yeah.

00:45:19.000 And then it becomes this back and forth.

00:45:22.000 Here's one example.

00:45:24.000 This is a bit that I bounced around.

00:45:26.000 I was thinking about in the car, and then I brought it onto stage in a completed form, and it never really changed.

00:45:33.000 There's a bit about Bigfoot.

00:45:36.000 I said, here's what you don't find when you go looking for Bigfoot. 0.96

00:45:40.000 Black people. 0.99

00:45:42.000 You're more likely to find Bigfoot than you are black people looking for Bigfoot. 1.00

00:45:47.000 You just find hordes of unfuckable white dudes out camping. 1.00

00:45:51.000 That's what she finds. 0.99

00:45:54.000 That's who goes looking for Bigfoot.

00:45:57.000 It's not an African-American pastime.

00:46:01.000 And that bit came out in the car.

00:46:04.000 I made myself laugh.

00:46:05.000 And then it never changed.

00:46:08.000 It just became that.

00:46:09.000 I don't think I ever wrote it down anywhere.

00:46:11.000 I made it into my 2014 Comedy Central special.

00:46:16.000 That's a little gift.

00:46:18.000 But that's rare.

00:46:20.000 Those are the rare ones.

00:46:21.000 It is rare, but man, it'd be nice if they all came that way.

00:46:24.000 There's been a few.

00:46:26.000 Usually for some reason they're one-liners too like that.

00:46:30.000 It's so funny.

00:46:31.000 It's just complete.

00:46:32.000 Some of them just form themselves complete.

00:46:38.000 Those are best too when it makes you laugh.

00:46:40.000 Like there's things that you just think in your head, yeah that's pretty funny, that is a funny thing.

00:46:46.000 And then you bring it up on stage and it becomes really funny.

00:46:48.000 But when it really just truly makes you laugh, that's great. 0.89

00:46:53.000 Yeah, it is great when there's something that just clicks to the point where you just start giggling and you're just like, get the fuck out of here. 0.87

00:47:02.000 Those are my favorite kind of jokes.

00:47:04.000 Yeah, because that's why you started making people laugh as a kid in the first place.

00:47:10.000 It was just having fun.

00:47:12.000 And sometimes as an adult, you've got all this other stuff in your head.

00:47:14.000 It's like, you do have to kind of remind yourself, this is fun. 1.00

00:47:18.000 This is silly shit. 0.99

00:47:19.000 This should be giggle enjoyable, you know? 1.00

00:47:23.000 Yeah, it should be.

00:47:24.000 Yeah.

00:47:25.000 It should be.

00:47:26.000 Sometimes it can be feel like, you know, because it comes out of writing.

00:47:29.000 The other stuff that does come out of writing Writing can be a grind.

00:47:33.000 Writing is insular.

00:47:34.000 It's by yourself.

00:47:35.000 You're just in there alone.

00:47:37.000 It's not this joyful place most of the time.

00:47:40.000 You're not writing like...

00:47:42.000 But it's not painful.

00:47:43.000 It's not painful, but it is a practice that is different than just being with your buddies talking about Bigfoot.

00:47:50.000 Yes.

00:47:51.000 Yeah.

00:47:51.000 And those are the fun ones, right?

00:47:53.000 The Bigfoot ones are the ones that come out of nowhere with no effort and they kill.

00:47:57.000 And you're like, I got this for free!

00:47:59.000 Yay! 0.99

00:48:00.000 It's like you got some crazy skateboard that you're not worried about damaging.

00:48:04.000 Because you didn't work on it for a hundred years.

00:48:06.000 Yeah.

00:48:07.000 No, writing's not painful.

00:48:09.000 But there is a thing, there is a mental part where you...

00:48:13.000 If you ever put it down for a while and don't do it, it's like you've got to get your head back into the space of doing it.

00:48:19.000 That could be a little painful.

00:48:21.000 Why is that hard?

00:48:22.000 I don't know.

00:48:23.000 It is, but I don't know.

00:48:25.000 Have you ever read Steven Pressfield's book, The War of Art?

00:48:29.000 No.

00:48:29.000 It's excellent.

00:48:30.000 It's so good that I bought stacks of it, and I used to hand it out to people on the podcast.

00:48:35.000 Oh, really?

00:48:35.000 Yeah.

00:48:35.000 Yeah, because I think most people, like when you say, like if someone says, like, what's the difference between guys who get things done and guys who don't get things done?

00:48:44.000 Yeah.

00:48:45.000 This sounds so stupid and simple, but the people that get things done do things. 0.99

00:48:51.000 They actually do it. 0.99

00:48:52.000 They sit down and do it.

00:48:53.000 And there's something about the people that don't get things done that stops them from doing that.

00:48:57.000 Like, what is it?

00:48:57.000 And Pressfield calls it resistance.

00:49:01.000 And what he says is that you have to overcome resistance because that's what professionals do.

00:49:08.000 You sit down because you have affirmed that you are a pro.

00:49:13.000 And you sit down and you go over what you are going to do.

00:49:16.000 This is what I do.

00:49:18.000 I'm a professional.

00:49:19.000 I write.

00:49:20.000 And I'm going to sit down and I'm going to write and I'm going to summon the muse.

00:49:24.000 Whether the muse is a real thing or not, he treats it as it's a real thing.

00:49:29.000 And the concept is that you are going to summon this thing that you call upon to endow you with creativity.

00:49:36.000 By doing the work.

00:49:37.000 By doing the work, yeah.

00:49:38.000 And that overcoming this resistance is the war of art.

00:49:43.000 Yeah.

00:49:44.000 And what is the resistance then?

00:49:46.000 That's the question.

00:49:48.000 Your negative thoughts, really.

00:49:49.000 It's not just negative thoughts.

00:49:51.000 It's resisting work.

00:49:53.000 It's not negative.

00:49:55.000 It's weird.

00:49:58.000 Something's stopping you from succeeding.

00:50:01.000 Something's stopping you from pushing forward and putting down those ideas.

00:50:07.000 You want the easy.

00:50:08.000 You want to just sit on the couch.

00:50:10.000 In my office, I have a couch and I have a desk.

00:50:13.000 And the couch is, you know...

00:50:16.000 Nothing gets done on the couch.

00:50:17.000 Nothing gets done on the couch.

00:50:19.000 Really.

00:50:21.000 It's about sitting there.

00:50:23.000 There was this great quote from this Israeli writer, who every time I say the quote I say, I always forget what his name was, and I should know it because I use the quote so often.

00:50:34.000 But he says that writing, the job of being a writer is the same as being a shopkeeper.

00:50:38.000 And it's your job to go and open the shop every day.

00:50:42.000 And some days nothing happens. 1.00

00:50:44.000 Some day you're just sitting in the shop like an idiot behind the desk, and nobody's there. 0.99

00:50:49.000 And then some days the shop is... 0.99

00:50:52.000 Buzzing with action and activity and people in and out and stuff is happening.

00:50:57.000 But all of those days when it's really busy and active does not happen unless you open the shop every day.

00:51:03.000 Yeah.

00:51:03.000 That's such an easy way for my brain to kind of think of it.

00:51:07.000 That's a brilliant way of putting it.

00:51:08.000 Just go and sit down at the place where you do the work and start doing the work.

00:51:12.000 It may not be great.

00:51:13.000 That's not up to you if it's going to be great.

00:51:16.000 It's up to you whether or not you sit down and start working.

00:51:20.000 Have you ever read Stephen King's On Writing?

00:51:22.000 Yeah.

00:51:23.000 That's great.

00:51:23.000 That was a good one.

00:51:24.000 Those are my two go-to books when I'm feeling like I need something to recharge my fortitude.

00:51:31.000 That would be a good one to go back to and read.

00:51:32.000 I read that once, like a long time ago.

00:51:37.000 His just thing of you just, like what you're saying, you just have to do it.

00:51:41.000 You just have to do it.

00:51:42.000 He's right. 0.96

00:51:42.000 I mean, there's days that I'll go and I'll write for fucking hours and literally get nothing out of it. 0.96

00:51:50.000 There's nothing there. 0.91

00:51:51.000 Nothing.

00:51:52.000 Nothing. 1.00

00:51:52.000 It's all bullshit. 1.00

00:51:53.000 Nothing. 1.00

00:51:54.000 And if you judged yourself by that, you'd go like, God, I'm a fucking terrible writer. 1.00

00:51:58.000 You'd be like, wow, I stink! 0.99

00:52:01.000 And then one day, you'll just sit down, and then you have your next ten minutes.

00:52:06.000 You're like, oh boy, there's something here.

00:52:08.000 I got something here.

00:52:10.000 I got sparks.

00:52:11.000 Yeah, because you showed up. 0.99

00:52:12.000 Speaking of sparks, did you hear about this fucking bird that they found that starts fires? 0.99

00:52:19.000 No. 0.99

00:52:19.000 They found a hawk that picks up burning embers and sticks that are on fire and flies them across rivers and creeks to start the fires on the other side so that it could force game animals to run away. 0.99

00:52:35.000 Wow.

00:52:36.000 Brilliant.

00:52:36.000 Look at this.

00:52:37.000 Birds of prey are starting fires deliberately.

00:52:41.000 Kites and falcons are intentionally dropping smoldering twigs to smoke out mice and insects in Australia.

00:52:50.000 Jesus Christ.

00:52:52.000 Jeez Louise.

00:52:54.000 Researchers have compiled a study of reports of wild birds spreading fires.

00:52:58.000 They believe the birds carry these burning twigs to unburnt parts of the bush.

00:53:02.000 The birds drop them in a bid to smoke out prey, blah, blah, blah.

00:53:06.000 They also smoke three packs a day.

00:53:08.000 What does it say?

00:53:09.000 Researchers said birds could be the third force capable of starting bushfires.

00:53:15.000 That's incredible.

00:53:16.000 It's clever. 1.00

00:53:17.000 Yeah, they're so irresponsible, these fucks. 1.00

00:53:20.000 They don't give a shit about fires. 1.00

00:53:22.000 They don't care. 0.99

00:53:23.000 They fly away.

00:53:23.000 They're like, well, I'll fly where the fire isn't.

00:53:25.000 I got a mouse.

00:53:26.000 The whole neighborhood's burnt down.

00:53:29.000 But he got a mouse snack.

00:53:34.000 Geez. 1.00

00:53:34.000 They're such assholes. 1.00

00:53:35.000 What douchebags? 1.00

00:53:36.000 Did you see that chicken that the researchers created that accidentally, somehow or another, through when they put it together, had the face of a dinosaur? 0.98

00:53:47.000 Have you seen this?

00:53:48.000 No.

00:53:49.000 Yeah, see if you can find that.

00:53:50.000 What do you mean?

00:53:50.000 It's on my Twitter.

00:53:51.000 That they made? 0.99

00:53:52.000 I don't know what the fuck they did. 1.00

00:53:54.000 They cross-bred it? 0.99

00:53:55.000 I briefly read the article. 1.00

00:53:57.000 I'm like, these motherfuckers. 1.00

00:53:58.000 And then I ran away. 1.00

00:54:00.000 You got scared.

00:54:00.000 It's got the face.

00:54:02.000 This chicken has the face of a fucking dinosaur. 1.00

00:54:04.000 It's got teeth. 1.00

00:54:05.000 It's a chicken with a dinosaur's face.

00:54:08.000 So, who got the dinosaur stuff?

00:54:10.000 Here, pull it up. 0.79

00:54:11.000 Who got the dinosaur DNA and put it in?

00:54:13.000 That.

00:54:14.000 Oh, no.

00:54:15.000 Chicken, gross face of a dinosaur.

00:54:17.000 What?

00:54:18.000 On BBC Earth.

00:54:20.000 Dude, I've been telling people forever because of the fact that I keep chickens now. 1.00

00:54:24.000 Chickens are fucking monsters. 1.00

00:54:26.000 They're monsters. 1.00

00:54:27.000 They have good eggs, though. 0.97

00:54:28.000 They do have good eggs.

00:54:29.000 But we have this idea of them as being these cute little, you know, cuddly little fluffy things that lay eggs and just peck around. 1.00

00:54:38.000 No, they're fucking monsters. 1.00

00:54:39.000 Pull up the top of the article, Jamie. 0.99

00:54:42.000 Go to the top of it and make it larger so I can read it there.

00:54:46.000 See what it says.

00:54:47.000 Blah, blah, blah.

00:54:48.000 Group of dinosaurs.

00:54:49.000 The idea.

00:54:49.000 Keep going.

00:54:51.000 Blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:54:53.000 To understand how one changed the other, a team has been tampering with the molecular process that make up a beak in chickens.

00:55:01.000 By doing so, they've managed to create a chicken embryo with a dinosaur-like snout and a palate similar to that of feathered dinosaurs like Velociraptor. 0.99

00:55:10.000 They're making raptors, these fucks. 0.99

00:55:12.000 The results are published in the journal Evolution. 0.97

00:55:14.000 The team's aim was to understand how the bird beak evolved because the beak is such a vital part of bird anatomy.

00:55:21.000 It's been crucial for their success.

00:55:22.000 The 10,000 or more species occupy a wide range of habitats and many have specialized beaks to help them survive.

00:55:31.000 So they mess with the molecular makeup of the beak. 0.99

00:55:36.000 Yeah, and they made a fucking dinosaur-faced chicken. 0.99

00:55:40.000 Well, that'll be good when they're running around. 0.99

00:55:43.000 That'll be great when they're at the petting zoo.

00:55:45.000 I bet they would have better eggs. 0.99

00:55:48.000 Because my chicken's eggs are significantly better when I let them loose and they go fuck up. 0.99

00:55:55.000 They'll eat mice and they'll eat worms and bugs. 0.98

00:55:58.000 And then I'll get these dark yolks. 1.00

00:56:01.000 Like the last couple of days, they've been running around my yard all day.

00:56:04.000 Oh, really?

00:56:05.000 Yeah, so the eggs that I'll collect tonight or tomorrow will be dark orange.

00:56:10.000 Yeah, but when they're sedentary, they're lighter.

00:56:12.000 Well, they're just in the cage.

00:56:14.000 Well, they have a very large coop.

00:56:17.000 The coop is essentially for the 19 chickens.

00:56:22.000 17 now, a couple of them died.

00:56:23.000 17 chickens I have.

00:56:25.000 It's basically the size of this room.

00:56:27.000 It's a good space.

00:56:28.000 They got plenty of room to wander around and plenty of food, but when you ever see vegetarian raised chicken, they don't want that.

00:56:38.000 Oh, no.

00:56:40.000 They'll eat that if that's all you give them, but they want to eat things.

00:56:45.000 Like bugs and worms?

00:56:47.000 Bugs, worms.

00:56:48.000 That's most of their diet.

00:56:49.000 But mice more than anything.

00:56:50.000 Mice?

00:56:51.000 If they found a mouse, they fight for it.

00:56:54.000 It's one of the few things that they will fight for.

00:56:56.000 Really?

00:56:56.000 Yeah.

00:56:57.000 One will grab the mouse and they will just chase each other and try to fuck that mouse up.

00:57:01.000 How are those eggs? 0.82

00:57:03.000 After the mouse day.

00:57:04.000 Probably amazing.

00:57:05.000 It's hard to tell who's laying the eggs.

00:57:06.000 So what do you do with all these eggs?

00:57:08.000 There's a lot of eggs.

00:57:09.000 You can have some.

00:57:10.000 You want some eggs?

00:57:11.000 Sure, I'll take some eggs.

00:57:12.000 I'll give you some eggs.

00:57:13.000 I got some meat for you, too.

00:57:14.000 I'm out of elk.

00:57:14.000 I got some.

00:57:15.000 Do you?

00:57:16.000 I really started to crave it.

00:57:17.000 I got two this year.

00:57:18.000 Oh, yeah, I know.

00:57:21.000 All right.

00:57:22.000 Serve it up. 0.73

00:57:23.000 Good to hear for the meat.

00:57:24.000 Me and my dog are so happy when the elk comes out.

00:57:28.000 Yeah.

00:57:29.000 I think I showed you a picture.

00:57:30.000 Did I send you a shot of you cooking?

00:57:33.000 I was cooking up the ground elk, and the dog was just like, we're doing this, right?

00:57:37.000 Yeah.

00:57:38.000 Grass-fed butter and ground elk with a little garlic salt.

00:57:43.000 It's really good with the eggs, too.

00:57:45.000 Yes.

00:57:45.000 I like to mix it up in eggs.

00:57:46.000 That's exactly what I do.

00:57:48.000 Maybe put it on a little bit of the sourdough bread.

00:57:51.000 Ooh, now you're thinking.

00:57:53.000 Take the sourdough, you put a lot of butter on it, just use it as the base and put that on top of it.

00:57:58.000 And then just cut it and eat it.

00:57:59.000 We need a friend with a vineyard.

00:58:01.000 Ooh.

00:58:02.000 We need a friend who makes his own wine.

00:58:05.000 That would be great.

00:58:06.000 Yeah.

00:58:06.000 We live in the right state for it.

00:58:08.000 Yeah, I know a guy who does it.

00:58:09.000 You do?

00:58:10.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:58:10.000 Good wine?

00:58:12.000 Uh...

00:58:14.000 I don't know.

00:58:15.000 I never had his wine.

00:58:16.000 I never had his wine.

00:58:18.000 He gave me a bottle. 0.99

00:58:19.000 What the fuck happened to it? 0.99

00:58:21.000 Oh, yeah? 0.99

00:58:22.000 Yeah.

00:58:23.000 It's a buddy of mine, I know.

00:58:24.000 He didn't drink it.

00:58:24.000 No, he's in the real estate business.

00:58:25.000 I drank a lot of wine the second half of the year.

00:58:28.000 Yeah?

00:58:29.000 A lot.

00:58:29.000 Too much?

00:58:30.000 I started reading...

00:58:31.000 No.

00:58:31.000 Confession time?

00:58:32.000 No.

00:58:33.000 But I'm not drinking for January.

00:58:35.000 You're taking the whole month off?

00:58:36.000 Yeah.

00:58:37.000 Really?

00:58:37.000 Sober January.

00:58:38.000 My friend was like, I'm just gonna...

00:58:41.000 We went out on the second.

00:58:44.000 He's like, no, I'm not drinking for the month of January.

00:58:46.000 And I was like, that sounds good.

00:58:48.000 I'm gonna do that too.

00:58:49.000 Not thinking.

00:58:51.000 And it's been a week. 1.00

00:58:53.000 And I'm like, this is stupid. 0.99

00:58:55.000 Which makes me think maybe it's not a bad thing. 1.00

00:58:58.000 I've never taken a whole month off since I started drinking as a kid.

00:59:03.000 You gotta do Sober October.

00:59:04.000 That's the move.

00:59:05.000 Sober October.

00:59:06.000 Yeah, we all do it.

00:59:07.000 Yeah?

00:59:07.000 Yeah.

00:59:08.000 I don't know if everybody's gonna do it this year.

00:59:09.000 I doubt we're gonna get Bert to do it again. 0.98

00:59:11.000 Bert was in a goddamn frothy panic. 0.97

00:59:14.000 By the time November rolled around. 1.00

00:59:16.000 Holy shit, look at his face. 0.99

00:59:18.000 You know where he was getting his jollies? 1.00

00:59:22.000 He was going on Instagram feeds of people that were clearly losing their fucking minds. 1.00

00:59:28.000 Oh, just watching them suffer? 1.00

00:59:31.000 No, he would send them to me, like comedians that were out of their fucking minds. 0.99

00:59:35.000 He would send them like, just check out her Instagram story. 1.00

00:59:39.000 I'm like, you son of a bitch. 1.00

00:59:40.000 And I go there, I'm like, oh my god, what have you done? 1.00

00:59:43.000 Not from not drinking, just crazy. 0.96

00:59:44.000 Just being crazy. 0.87

00:59:45.000 Just being crazy. 0.55

00:59:46.000 There are some people out there, and I don't want to out them, so I'll tell you off the air.

00:59:51.000 There are some people, you find out about their Instagram story, and you go, oh, there's a hidden little gem here online.

00:59:58.000 Instagram is such a great tell for people.

01:00:01.000 I was going to work with this guy, and I asked my other friend, I said, do you know him?

01:00:07.000 He's a director.

01:00:09.000 I was like, do you know this guy?

01:00:11.000 And she's like, well, I don't want to say anything.

01:00:14.000 I'm like, what?

01:00:15.000 Just look at his Instagram.

01:00:17.000 I was like, oh, what an old man thing that I didn't think to do that. 1.00

01:00:21.000 So just go on the Instagram.

01:00:23.000 You're like, oh, they're a train wreck.

01:00:26.000 A train wreck. 0.97

01:00:27.000 Just seeing them posting all their insanity.

01:00:30.000 Inspirational stuff? 1.00

01:00:31.000 No, this was just pure bad shit. 0.99

01:00:33.000 Teaching you how to be the fully actualized person. 0.99

01:00:38.000 I don't mean to shit on Kevin, by the way. 0.99

01:00:40.000 Kevin is one of those guys that gets shit done. 0.98

01:00:44.000 Who's Kevin? 0.99

01:00:45.000 Kevin Hart, when I was saying Kevin Hart's thing.

01:00:47.000 No, he legitimately gets things done and also legitimately gets a thrill out of helping people get motivated.

01:00:54.000 Exactly.

01:00:55.000 He does runs where he brings hundreds of people out running with him.

01:00:58.000 It's insane.

01:00:59.000 He'd do like a 5K and everybody, y'all show up!

01:01:01.000 Show up!

01:01:01.000 We're running!

01:01:02.000 We're running!

01:01:03.000 And everybody will run with Kevin Hart.

01:01:04.000 Yeah.

01:01:05.000 He's legit.

01:01:06.000 Hey, how far do you run when you run with your dog?

01:01:08.000 No more than, well, Marshall doesn't like to, he gets to the point at the end of the run, he's only a year old, like two miles is about, because we're pushing a pretty good pace in the hills.

01:01:23.000 In the hills, right?

01:01:24.000 Very, very steep hills.

01:01:25.000 Yeah.

01:01:25.000 At two, and I don't bring any water for him.

01:01:27.000 Oh no?

01:01:28.000 No, so at two miles, that's all I want to push him. 0.99

01:01:31.000 Because at the end, his fucking tongue is bright red, and he's like... 0.99

01:01:34.000 Two miles up hills, that's a lot. 1.00

01:01:37.000 He's great for the rest of the day.

01:01:38.000 Yeah.

01:01:39.000 The rest of the day, he's like, hey man, what's up?

01:01:41.000 He's just chill.

01:01:42.000 He's the best.

01:01:43.000 He's such a good dog, man.

01:01:45.000 Yeah.

01:01:45.000 I love Golden Retrievers.

01:01:47.000 They're so good.

01:01:48.000 Yeah, they are great dogs.

01:01:50.000 They're so food-oriented, though.

01:01:52.000 Sometimes to the point where being annoying.

01:01:54.000 Yeah.

01:01:54.000 So is my lab.

01:01:56.000 Yeah, labs are too.

01:01:57.000 Same thing.

01:01:57.000 Just a lot of dogs are like that.

01:01:59.000 Yeah.

01:01:59.000 If they're active, they're hungry.

01:02:01.000 Yeah.

01:02:01.000 Their metabolism is quick and they want to eat and they just, yeah.

01:02:04.000 The good news is they're really easy to train with food because they love food so much.

01:02:09.000 Just give them like little treats and like he's, this dog that I have, Marshall, he's the best I've ever had as far as like listening to sit and stay and lie down and stuff like that.

01:02:20.000 And when I go running with him, I don't worry about him.

01:02:24.000 He stays close to me.

01:02:25.000 That's cool.

01:02:26.000 He runs, and then he's ahead of me, and I go, hey man, slow down, and he'll just stop.

01:02:31.000 He'll wait for me, and then I'll come up to him, and then he'll start running again.

01:02:34.000 That's great.

01:02:35.000 I've never taken her off leash like that, and I feel like it'd be a blast.

01:02:40.000 The only thing I worry about is rattlesnakes.

01:02:42.000 Yeah.

01:02:43.000 That's an issue.

01:02:44.000 Yeah.

01:02:44.000 Because I don't think he knows exactly what a rattlesnake is.

01:02:47.000 I bet the instinct would kick in.

01:02:49.000 If you didn't get surprised by it.

01:02:51.000 The instincts I'm worried about are the wrong ones, which are to get close.

01:02:54.000 Oh, you think?

01:02:54.000 And get bit.

01:02:55.000 Don't you think they'd be like all in ancient DNA of hearing that rattle?

01:02:59.000 I've had three dogs that were bit by rattlesnakes.

01:03:02.000 No.

01:03:02.000 Yeah.

01:03:03.000 Oh, really?

01:03:04.000 Yeah.

01:03:05.000 Because they went after it?

01:03:06.000 Yeah.

01:03:07.000 One of them got bit.

01:03:09.000 I brought him to the doctor, and I'm like, I think he got bit by a rattlesnake.

01:03:12.000 And the veterinarian's like, oh, you're going to play music?

01:03:15.000 I'm going to play the sad music.

01:03:16.000 And the veterinarian, they're fine.

01:03:18.000 He lived.

01:03:18.000 But the veterinarian was like, everything seems okay.

01:03:22.000 I'm like, I don't know, man.

01:03:23.000 I'm pretty sure the snake got him.

01:03:25.000 And he goes, well, you know, if he's acting funny later, let me know.

01:03:30.000 So I bring him home. 0.99

01:03:32.000 Hour later, his face swells up like a fucking basketball. 1.00

01:03:35.000 I'm like, shit. 1.00

01:03:36.000 It just took a while for it to kick in. 1.00

01:03:38.000 And I thought I was doing the right thing by getting him to the vet in time.

01:03:42.000 I'm like, I'm going to just get him there right away.

01:03:43.000 Just throw him in the car.

01:03:46.000 Beat the clock.

01:03:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:03:47.000 And it took a while for the vet him to sink into his face.

01:03:52.000 How long?

01:03:53.000 It took over an hour because I was at the veterinarian's office.

01:04:00.000 He got bit.

01:04:01.000 I had him there within 35, 40 minutes.

01:04:04.000 And then the vet's looking at him.

01:04:07.000 He's like, I don't see any marks.

01:04:08.000 I don't see any blood.

01:04:09.000 There's no clear...

01:04:10.000 He might have got mist or the thing might not have gotten any venom in him.

01:04:14.000 That's weird.

01:04:15.000 Maybe he got lucky.

01:04:16.000 So I take him home.

01:04:17.000 His face is like...

01:04:20.000 That's what happens.

01:04:21.000 Their face wells up.

01:04:22.000 Oh, it's brutal.

01:04:23.000 Yeah, and then it costs thousands of dollars.

01:04:26.000 It's very expensive.

01:04:27.000 What do they have to do?

01:04:28.000 They use anti-venom.

01:04:30.000 It's really expensive.

01:04:31.000 Just to inject that?

01:04:32.000 Mm-hmm.

01:04:32.000 It's thousands of dollars?

01:04:33.000 Yeah, which is really bad for people that are poor. 0.96

01:04:35.000 You know, if you don't have any money to pay for that and your dog gets bit, it's a fucking tremendous stress. 0.95

01:04:42.000 Oh, man. 0.98

01:04:42.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:04:43.000 Would they survive?

01:04:44.000 I mean, if it's that dose?

01:04:46.000 Some dogs survive.

01:04:48.000 Yeah.

01:04:48.000 Some dogs survive, some dogs don't.

01:04:50.000 Yeah, but some dogs die from it, for sure.

01:04:52.000 Oh, that's a bummer.

01:04:53.000 It's really bad for them.

01:04:55.000 I don't have a place to run my dog like that. 0.83

01:04:58.000 We've got, like, all streets around us, so it's like...

01:05:00.000 Yeah, you've got to drive him somewhere, man.

01:05:01.000 Yeah.

01:05:02.000 Take him to Runyon Canyon or something.

01:05:04.000 Can you take him off leash in those places?

01:05:07.000 It's not...

01:05:07.000 The problem is you never know what kind of dogs you're going to run into.

01:05:10.000 Or coyotes.

01:05:11.000 Or angry moms. 1.00

01:05:13.000 Yeah, that's true too.

01:05:15.000 Yeah, there's a lot of people like that.

01:05:16.000 Yeah.

01:05:17.000 Yeah, if you can go places that are less populated, those are the best for off-leash type activities.

01:05:23.000 She would be so happy.

01:05:24.000 She's a lab too.

01:05:25.000 Yeah.

01:05:25.000 Sweet dogs.

01:05:26.000 Wants to run.

01:05:27.000 And they're not like the kind of dogs, it's not like you're taking a Presa Canario, 120 pound demon dog and letting that thing loose.

01:05:35.000 No, she's sweet. 0.97

01:05:36.000 Yeah. 0.96

01:05:37.000 Demon dog.

01:05:38.000 What was the name of that dog?

01:05:39.000 Presa Canario.

01:05:40.000 You've never seen one of those?

01:05:41.000 They're tanks. 0.99

01:05:43.000 They're this huge, fucking muscular looking... 1.00

01:05:46.000 Presa Canario? 1.00

01:05:48.000 There's a guy who's breeding some that I know.

01:05:51.000 He's making these brindle ones.

01:05:52.000 They look so crazy.

01:05:54.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:05:54.000 They're like the ultimate guard dog. 0.99

01:05:57.000 With a dinosaur beak?

01:05:58.000 The size of that thing.

01:06:00.000 Oh, it's like a mastiff.

01:06:01.000 Yeah.

01:06:02.000 Super aggressive.

01:06:03.000 Oh, really?

01:06:03.000 Yeah.

01:06:04.000 Oh, great.

01:06:04.000 Look at that black one above it.

01:06:06.000 Look at that.

01:06:06.000 Great.

01:06:07.000 Get the fuck out of here, man. 0.99

01:06:08.000 Look at those shoulders. 1.00

01:06:09.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

01:06:11.000 He's going to fuck you with that big dick, too. 1.00

01:06:13.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

01:06:15.000 Giant horse dick he's got between his doggy legs. 1.00

01:06:18.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:06:19.000 Look at that face on that thing.

01:06:20.000 Oh, my God.

01:06:21.000 Are these around?

01:06:22.000 Yeah, man.

01:06:23.000 They're real.

01:06:24.000 They're not dinosaurs.

01:06:25.000 They have these?

01:06:26.000 Like, people have these at home?

01:06:27.000 Yeah.

01:06:28.000 Oh, yeah.

01:06:28.000 Yeah, I know some people who have them.

01:06:30.000 My friend Mark has two of them.

01:06:32.000 Yeah.

01:06:33.000 That is scary.

01:06:34.000 It's an enormous dog.

01:06:35.000 They're apparently very good, loyal watchdogs.

01:06:38.000 Oh, they are?

01:06:38.000 They're nice to the family?

01:06:40.000 Well, it's all in who breeds them.

01:06:41.000 Look at the one where the dog's on a leash pulling.

01:06:44.000 Right there. 0.99

01:06:45.000 Like, a fucking build on that thing. 0.99

01:06:48.000 Just low. 1.00

01:06:50.000 What a nightmare if that was chasing after you. 1.00

01:06:52.000 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 1.00

01:06:56.000 What do you do when a dog comes at you and wants to bite you? 1.00

01:06:58.000 Just punch it? 0.74

01:06:59.000 Give him your arm. 1.00

01:07:01.000 If you know a dog's gonna attack you, if you know for sure, if you have the time, you feed him your arm and stab the shit out of him while he's grabbing your arm. 1.00

01:07:09.000 You're fucking right in the neck. 1.00

01:07:11.000 Oh, yeah? 1.00

01:07:11.000 What if you don't have a weapon? 1.00

01:07:13.000 You're fucked. 1.00

01:07:14.000 Why don't you carry a weapon? 1.00

01:07:16.000 You should have a weapon, always.

01:07:17.000 You should always have a weapon.

01:07:18.000 Yes, you never know when you're gonna be attacked by a dog.

01:07:20.000 Do you have a weapon?

01:07:23.000 Oh, really?

01:07:26.000 Nice.

01:07:28.000 See, I told you. 1.00

01:07:29.000 You carry a lot of shit with me. 1.00

01:07:30.000 You get attacked by a goddamn dog. 1.00

01:07:33.000 That's a dog knife. 1.00

01:07:34.000 You never know.

01:07:36.000 Nice.

01:07:37.000 Coyotes, mountain lions.

01:07:39.000 What do you do when you fly?

01:07:41.000 You got to put it in your bag?

01:07:43.000 Your teeth, like a pirate.

01:07:44.000 Don't even check. 0.94

01:07:46.000 TSA pre.

01:07:48.000 No, I don't bring it with me when I travel.

01:07:50.000 I just was opening boxes today.

01:07:52.000 I'm only kidding.

01:07:53.000 Oh, you don't carry that all the time? 1.00

01:07:55.000 I'm an asshole. 1.00

01:07:57.000 I had to open boxes. 1.00

01:07:59.000 Some people do. 1.00

01:07:59.000 Don't you think there's a lot of people out there next to you at the 7-Eleven that are carrying shit? 1.00

01:08:04.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:08:05.000 I know a guy who used to carry a gun on his ankle.

01:08:09.000 He might still do it.

01:08:11.000 I don't want to say his name, but he was a guy who used to fight for the UFC. He carried a gun, and he's huge.

01:08:17.000 He's a giant man.

01:08:18.000 He carried a gun on his ankle.

01:08:20.000 He carried one in the small of his back.

01:08:22.000 He carried a knife in his front pocket.

01:08:25.000 On both sides, he had two knives that he carried all the time, and he carried a shoulder holster.

01:08:31.000 Just to go to the store?

01:08:32.000 Everywhere he went.

01:08:33.000 Everywhere he went, he was locked and loaded. 0.99

01:08:36.000 Like, he was the wrong guy to fuck with in every single possible way. 0.99

01:08:41.000 260 pounds, enormous, trained, black belt, UFC champion. 1.00

01:08:49.000 Loaded to the hilt, carrying knives and guns all over his persona.

01:08:53.000 The cool part about that, which I always like in the movies, is when you're done with your day and you're just unloading all that stuff on your dresser.

01:09:02.000 Clank, clank, clank.

01:09:04.000 Just taking the strap off, taking that thing off.

01:09:06.000 That always seems...

01:09:07.000 I love that part of being a man, of just having all the stuff you gotta unload.

01:09:12.000 To then go to like Beyond Keys and Wallet to be like...

01:09:16.000 Gun, machete, other gun.

01:09:18.000 Brass knuckles.

01:09:19.000 Yeah, right, exactly.

01:09:20.000 Does anybody carry brass knuckles anymore?

01:09:22.000 Are those out?

01:09:23.000 They mustn't, maybe.

01:09:24.000 Yeah, why not?

01:09:25.000 Yeah, it's not a thing anymore.

01:09:27.000 It's not like...

01:09:28.000 I wonder if those are legal.

01:09:30.000 Like, that was something you'd hear about when we were kids.

01:09:31.000 Yeah.

01:09:32.000 Oh, they got brass knuckles!

01:09:33.000 I guess because Bugs Bunny had them.

01:09:36.000 That's the only place we were hearing stuff was as children.

01:09:39.000 You don't hear about brass knuckles at all anymore.

01:09:41.000 Yeah.

01:09:42.000 Now words are what hurt.

01:09:44.000 Get you some brass knuckles, see?

01:09:47.000 People hurt with words.

01:09:50.000 Words are violence.

01:09:52.000 Give me some brass knuckles, see?

01:09:54.000 Yeah, the old days, see?

01:09:56.000 Yeah, the old days, see?

01:09:57.000 Why'd they talk like that back then, see?

01:09:59.000 Because that's the way they spoke back then, see?

01:10:02.000 You had that coffee just sitting there for the longest time.

01:10:04.000 It's still hot.

01:10:05.000 You didn't pour it.

01:10:05.000 No, I had a bunch.

01:10:06.000 You had a little bit of it?

01:10:07.000 Yeah.

01:10:08.000 I love coffee.

01:10:09.000 You do?

01:10:09.000 Mm-hmm.

01:10:10.000 Addicted.

01:10:11.000 Brennan Schaub told me that he drinks 12 cups of coffee a day and that he's been throwing up a lot lately.

01:10:17.000 And it's because of the coffee.

01:10:19.000 Because of all the acid in his stomach, yeah.

01:10:21.000 But does coffee give you acid?

01:10:23.000 Is that what it does?

01:10:23.000 Yeah, it's acidic.

01:10:26.000 Yeah?

01:10:26.000 Put in the beans?

01:10:27.000 I guess. 0.99

01:10:29.000 And that fucks with your stomach? 0.98

01:10:30.000 Yeah, if you're drinking how many? 0.99

01:10:32.000 12?

01:10:33.000 Apparently, yeah.

01:10:35.000 I was drinking 12 cups of coffee a day.

01:10:37.000 Yeah, that's an addiction.

01:10:38.000 Can I play some music for him?

01:10:40.000 For his stomach?

01:10:41.000 That's a big time addiction.

01:10:43.000 12 cups a day can make you throw up.

01:10:50.000 Coffee is highly acidic.

01:10:53.000 And it can stimulate the hyper-section secretion of gastric acids.

01:10:59.000 Decaffeinated coffee has been shown to increase acidity to a greater degree than either regular coffee or caffeine alone.

01:11:08.000 So decaffeinated coffee is more acidic than anything.

01:11:11.000 Both caffeine and coffee stimulate gastric acid secretion and decaffeinated coffee raises serum gastrin levels.

01:11:20.000 Ew, that's disgusting.

01:11:22.000 Back to your wine guy. 0.95

01:11:27.000 Yeah, let's find a guy.

01:11:28.000 Let's hook up with a guy.

01:11:29.000 Well, I do know one guy, Maynard.

01:11:32.000 Maynard.

01:11:32.000 Maynard Keenan from Tool.

01:11:33.000 He's a friend of mine.

01:11:34.000 He's actually in town.

01:11:35.000 He has a vineyard.

01:11:36.000 He has a real vineyard in Arizona.

01:11:39.000 That's right.

01:11:39.000 It's not in California.

01:11:40.000 He makes great wine.

01:11:41.000 Oh, yeah?

01:11:42.000 Oh my god.

01:11:42.000 Yeah, well he's an artist.

01:11:43.000 He's a weird motherfucker. 1.00

01:11:45.000 Super, super smart guy. 1.00

01:11:47.000 Yeah.

01:11:47.000 And makes wine the same way he makes music.

01:11:51.000 They made a Tool album and one of the songs was they wrote a song to the Fibonacci sequence.

01:12:00.000 Uh huh.

01:12:01.000 What did you just pull up?

01:12:05.000 Yeah.

01:12:06.000 He wrote a song to the Fibonacci sequence.

01:12:10.000 What's the Fibonacci sequence?

01:12:11.000 The Fibonacci sequence is a mathematical sequence.

01:12:15.000 The way it works is it goes like zero.

01:12:19.000 The next number is 1, and the next number is 2, and then 2 plus 1, which is 3, and then it keeps going like in this mathematical progression, and that's how they had the chord progression.

01:12:33.000 They had the chord progression link up to the Fibonacci sequence.

01:12:36.000 Just for fun? 1.00

01:12:37.000 Because he's a fucking maniac. 0.99

01:12:39.000 But that same sort of attention to detail and obsessing on the intricacies of things, he's applied that to his wine. 1.00

01:12:48.000 His wine's amazing.

01:12:49.000 Is it really good?

01:12:50.000 It's really good.

01:12:51.000 What's the label?

01:12:52.000 Caduceus Vineyards.

01:12:54.000 Caduceus.

01:12:54.000 Yeah.

01:12:55.000 Yeah, he has an Osteria, too.

01:12:57.000 He has a small restaurant.

01:12:58.000 Really?

01:12:59.000 Yeah.

01:12:59.000 Jeez.

01:13:00.000 That's crazy.

01:13:00.000 This sounds good.

01:13:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:13:02.000 I think he gave me the flu of that fuck. 1.00

01:13:03.000 Oh, really? 1.00

01:13:04.000 Oh, that's where the flu came from?

01:13:06.000 He told me he just got over the flu. 1.00

01:13:07.000 I'm like, oh, you shithead. 1.00

01:13:09.000 Oh, thanks. 0.99

01:13:10.000 Because I was hanging out with him in Vegas, and I think that's right when I started to catch it.

01:13:14.000 And then I had a little bit of a cough, and then it got a little worse.

01:13:17.000 And then I really did myself in in the sauna.

01:13:20.000 I cranked the sauna up to 210 degrees.

01:13:22.000 Oh, really?

01:13:23.000 Which is apparently too hot for people.

01:13:27.000 How high are you supposed to go?

01:13:30.000 176 to like 190's apparently what people like.

01:13:33.000 And you went 220?

01:13:35.000 I was at 210 for about an hour.

01:13:37.000 Oh, jeez.

01:13:38.000 Not an hour, but...

01:13:40.000 How long do you stay in there?

01:13:41.000 I was in 210 for at least 20 minutes.

01:13:45.000 15?

01:13:46.000 15 minutes?

01:13:47.000 You know what?

01:13:47.000 I don't know how long I did it at 210. How long are you supposed to stay in?

01:13:50.000 Because I opened the door a bunch of times.

01:13:52.000 To get the right benefits, you're supposed to 20 minutes at 176 degrees at least twice a week is what they recommend.

01:14:02.000 But if you can get to four times a week, you're a lot better off.

01:14:07.000 What's the main thing it does for you?

01:14:09.000 It increases a bunch of different things.

01:14:11.000 First of all, it makes your body produce something called heat shock proteins, which radically reduce inflammation.

01:14:20.000 Similar in a lot of ways to cold shock proteins that you would get from cryogenic chamber treatments.

01:14:28.000 Can I ask a question?

01:14:30.000 Sure.

01:14:32.000 Why is inflammation, why is anti-inflammatory, why is it bad to be inflamed?

01:14:39.000 I mean, I know it sounds kind of...

01:14:41.000 That's the root of almost all diseases.

01:14:43.000 It is?

01:14:44.000 Yeah.

01:14:44.000 Big cause of a lot.

01:14:46.000 Well, that was one of the things about this study.

01:14:48.000 I think it was a Norwegian study.

01:14:50.000 On the sauna, they showed a decrease in mortality, a 40% decrease in mortality amongst all causes of From people that use the sauna, I think three times or four times a week.

01:15:03.000 What?

01:15:04.000 Yeah, meaning 40% decrease in stroke, heart attack, all these different various factors.

01:15:10.000 And they think that that's attributed to the heat shock proteins.

01:15:13.000 Dr. Rhonda Patrick.

01:15:15.000 Really?

01:15:15.000 Yeah, she's the one who got me into it.

01:15:17.000 She's a frequent guest on the podcast and super genius.

01:15:22.000 She came to a show of mine in San Francisco.

01:15:24.000 Did she?

01:15:24.000 Yeah.

01:15:25.000 Oh, that's cool.

01:15:25.000 Yeah.

01:15:26.000 That's nice.

01:15:26.000 She's the coolest.

01:15:27.000 She's very cool.

01:15:28.000 We were just talking about she was on the Kardashians.

01:15:30.000 Oh, really?

01:15:31.000 Yeah, Jamie was telling me.

01:15:32.000 What's she doing on the Kardashians?

01:15:34.000 That doesn't make sense.

01:15:35.000 Teaching them how not to be inflamed.

01:15:36.000 Oh, that's great.

01:15:37.000 Good for her.

01:15:37.000 Like, your lips are inflamed.

01:15:39.000 Are you sure you're not eating anything weird? 0.98

01:15:41.000 Your breasts are inflamed. 1.00

01:15:42.000 What's going on with your butt? 1.00

01:15:44.000 Your butt is inflamed. 1.00

01:15:46.000 Are you guys not getting in the sauna? 1.00

01:15:49.000 If Kim Kardashian got in the sauna, she'd probably start sweating. 1.00

01:15:53.000 Like when you bathe something.

01:15:56.000 Like if you have a slow cook pork roast or something like that.

01:16:01.000 Just all juicy.

01:16:02.000 You see those beads of juice come popping on top of it.

01:16:05.000 Just putting a tray under her to catch the drippings. 1.00

01:16:07.000 Yeah, because you think about all that.

01:16:08.000 The squeezins. 0.99

01:16:10.000 All that fat that they pull out of the sides and then suck into the butt, right? 0.97

01:16:15.000 And they pump that stuff in the butt to make the butt extra big, and then you put that butt in the oven, and that'll just get juicy. 1.00

01:16:22.000 That's good eatin's. 0.97

01:16:24.000 That's good eatin's there.

01:16:25.000 I'll tell you what, that is some good eatin's right there.

01:16:28.000 Yeah, boil it down.

01:16:29.000 So the heat proteins...

01:16:32.000 Heat shock proteins, yeah.

01:16:34.000 Cytokines.

01:16:35.000 Help you with inflammation.

01:16:36.000 Yes, yes.

01:16:37.000 It helps your body fight off inflammation.

01:16:39.000 And it does it in a natural way instead of like non-steroidal anti-inflammatories like ibuprofen, things along those lines which are really bad for your gut health, really bad for your...

01:16:50.000 They say that ibuprofen should be taken rare, rarely if ever.

01:16:55.000 Really?

01:16:56.000 Yeah.

01:16:56.000 Yeah, it's apparently terrible for your body, can cause strokes, and it also is really bad for your gut flora.

01:17:04.000 I had a buddy, my friend Cameron Haynes is an ultra-marathon runner. 0.99

01:17:08.000 He runs these crazy 200-plus miles and these nutty fucking things. 0.99

01:17:12.000 Those are insane. 1.00

01:17:13.000 And he was taking ibuprofen on a daily basis.

01:17:16.000 Yeah.

01:17:18.000 For his joints and stuff?

01:17:19.000 Got off of it after he listened to the Rhonda Patrick podcast.

01:17:22.000 Yeah.

01:17:22.000 And all of his joint pain went away.

01:17:24.000 And his joint pain was literally being caused.

01:17:27.000 He thought it was being caused by all his running.

01:17:29.000 It was being caused by his taking of the non-steroidal anti-inflammatories, which increased his body's inflammation levels.

01:17:37.000 What? 0.99

01:17:38.000 Yes, which is crazy because it damages your gut bacteria because it's fucking poison. 1.00

01:17:43.000 He's taking 800 milligrams of this shit every day. 1.00

01:17:45.000 Shit. 1.00

01:17:45.000 Your body freaks out. 1.00

01:17:46.000 I was telling him, like, dude, you're significantly increasing your risk of stroke.

01:17:51.000 And I sent him all these studies and findings on ibuprofen.

01:17:55.000 So he stops.

01:17:56.000 He gets off of it.

01:17:58.000 All of his joint pain goes away.

01:18:00.000 No.

01:18:01.000 Literally, it was causing joint pain.

01:18:03.000 So how is your gut connected to?

01:18:06.000 Inflammation.

01:18:07.000 Inflammation.

01:18:07.000 Which is one of the reasons why people tell you not to eat bread.

01:18:10.000 It's why people tell you not to eat sugar.

01:18:12.000 Fine carbohydrates cause inflammation.

01:18:15.000 One of the ways they cause it is through the gut leakage.

01:18:19.000 And when we say inflamed, what is inflamed?

01:18:23.000 That's a good point.

01:18:24.000 Let's pull that up in a way that I can describe it.

01:18:28.000 I have an article right now that's about what is inflammation.

01:18:31.000 What is inflammation?

01:18:32.000 I'm sorry if you're going over stuff you always go over.

01:18:34.000 No, everything you need to know about inflammation.

01:18:36.000 Inflammation is a defense mechanism in the body.

01:18:38.000 The immune system recognizes damaged cells. 1.00

01:18:40.000 Oh, these fucking pop-ups! 1.00

01:18:41.000 Get out of there! 1.00

01:18:42.000 You cunts with the pop-up ass. 1.00

01:18:43.000 Come on! 1.00

01:18:56.000 Uh-huh.

01:19:10.000 That is what causes a lot of diseases in people.

01:19:13.000 And it also causes your body to...

01:19:17.000 You're feeding certain aspects of gut bacteria that are just not healthy.

01:19:26.000 So the body is actually the same way they would fight a disease is fighting these foods that come in.

01:19:31.000 Or these medicines or whatever.

01:19:33.000 These foreign things. 0.99

01:19:34.000 Exactly.

01:19:36.000 A big thing with foods.

01:19:37.000 A big thing with alcohol.

01:19:39.000 You see people with puffy faces.

01:19:40.000 Yeah, they get permanently puffed up. 0.95

01:19:43.000 They're just all fucking inflamed. 0.80

01:19:45.000 Everything's inflamed. 0.99

01:19:46.000 Their gut sticks out.

01:19:47.000 Their gut's inflamed.

01:19:48.000 And is it your cells?

01:19:50.000 Is it your arteries?

01:19:51.000 Everything's just kind of...

01:19:54.000 Go back to that article.

01:19:55.000 Puffed up with fluid?

01:20:00.000 Yeah, okay.

01:20:03.000 Chronic inflammation can eventually cause several diseases and conditions including some cancers and rheumatoid arthritis.

01:20:10.000 Infections, wounds, and any kind of tissue would not be able to heal itself without an inflammatory response.

01:20:16.000 So inflammation is a part of the body's immune system.

01:20:19.000 So what you're doing is you're in a constant state of damage. 0.94

01:20:23.000 When you're eating shitty food all the time. 1.00

01:20:24.000 So if you're constantly eating sugar and drinking sodas and fucking corn syrup and all that whole shit. 1.00

01:20:31.000 You're putting these weird chemicals in your body and your body's freaking out. 1.00

01:20:35.000 So they're not making a distinction between inflammation that comes from a bruising or an injury where your body's trying to heal itself versus something that's happening internally from your consumption of shitty foods.

01:20:52.000 But there's so many inflammatory-causing foods that people eat on a daily basis, and we just think of it as food.

01:20:59.000 Yeah.

01:20:59.000 Pizza.

01:21:00.000 Pizza's delicious, right?

01:21:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:21:02.000 Fucking full of inflammation-causing bullshit. 1.00

01:21:04.000 Why? 1.00

01:21:06.000 Well, first of all, the bread, which is unfortunately what you make.

01:21:12.000 But I think that your bread is sourdough bread, which is different because sourdough bread apparently has less complex glutens in it.

01:21:20.000 Right.

01:21:21.000 I have friends that have gluten issues that can eat my bread.

01:21:28.000 Not to excess, but it doesn't bother them the way they process bread.

01:21:33.000 There's something about sourdough bread that is different.

01:21:37.000 No commercial yeast.

01:21:38.000 The gluten structure is a little weaker.

01:21:44.000 Well, there's a great documentary that I've watched recently called What's With Wheat?

01:21:48.000 And it was all about how they changed wheat to make higher yield wheat, which you could grow more wheat in a shorter area and have a higher yield, and that the glutens in that wheat are much more dense and complex than the natural wheat that we used to eat 150 plus years ago.

01:22:10.000 This bread that you're going to eat comes from this great mill in Utah that is pure It's organic, small crops, so you won't have a problem with this.

01:22:24.000 So it's like heirloom wheat?

01:22:25.000 Is that what they call it?

01:22:26.000 I didn't even know that was a thing until Maynard also told me about that.

01:22:29.000 They use heirloom wheat in his pasta that he makes in his pasta.

01:22:34.000 Oh, interesting.

01:22:35.000 It's easier for people to digest.

01:22:37.000 Yeah.

01:22:37.000 It's a little more expensive and a little harder to get, but it makes a difference.

01:22:41.000 And the flavor is so much better. 0.93

01:22:43.000 Yeah, I've been buying pasta when I rarely eat pasta, but if I do eat it, I buy it from Italy, and they have heirloom pasta in Italy, and just, you don't feel as fucking gross after you eat it. 0.64

01:22:55.000 Yeah. 0.66

01:22:56.000 That brick.

01:22:57.000 Yeah, that punch in the gut. 1.00

01:22:59.000 That just fucking, like you ate a bag of rocks. 1.00

01:23:01.000 So what is the, so the sauna, if you're eating all this stuff, Probably help. 1.00

01:23:05.000 And you're putting in there and you're...

01:23:07.000 It would help, but you're also dealing with your gut biome.

01:23:10.000 Right.

01:23:11.000 You're forcing your body to...

01:23:14.000 You're eating foods that are going to encourage the growth of certain types of gut bacteria.

01:23:21.000 Right.

01:23:21.000 That live off of sugars and live off of...

01:23:26.000 A friend of mine got the gastro surgery, and she was diabetic, and she had the gastro thing done, and her diabetes leveled out.

01:23:40.000 And she said it was, the doctor says, because of the bacteria, because of something that they did in taking something out.

01:23:46.000 Does this make sense at all?

01:23:48.000 Yeah, she probably had a terrible diet.

01:23:50.000 Yeah, probably.

01:23:51.000 Which is also probably one of the reasons why she was so big.

01:23:54.000 Right.

01:23:55.000 You know, there's different kinds of bacteria.

01:23:58.000 There's different types of diabetes, right?

01:24:00.000 There's diabetes that is caused entirely by diet, and there's diabetes that is genetic.

01:24:05.000 And the type of diabetes that is caused by diet is reversible.

01:24:09.000 It happens with a lot of people that wind up going on, you know, calorie-restricted diets and reduce the amount of sugar they take in.

01:24:18.000 Dean Del Rey.

01:24:19.000 Dean Del Rey was pre-diabetic.

01:24:22.000 Yeah, he went to a doctor and he had a real candy problem.

01:24:26.000 He's eating candy constantly.

01:24:28.000 Oh, really?

01:24:28.000 Yeah.

01:24:29.000 Just hooked on sugar. 1.00

01:24:30.000 Yeah, and you talk to him now, he's like, sugar's the fucking devil, man! 1.00

01:24:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:24:33.000 Sugar's the devil! 1.00

01:24:34.000 He dropped a lot of weight. 0.94

01:24:36.000 He dropped a lot of weight and got really fit.

01:24:38.000 Yeah, he looks great.

01:24:39.000 He's at the gym all the time now.

01:24:40.000 Oh, really?

01:24:41.000 Yeah, he looks very healthy.

01:24:43.000 Yeah.

01:24:43.000 Like, Dean's never looked better.

01:24:44.000 No, man, I don't eat that. 1.00

01:24:46.000 Yeah, he's like, sugar's the fucking devil, man! 1.00

01:24:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:24:50.000 He's not wrong. 0.53

01:24:51.000 No, he's not wrong at all.

01:24:52.000 Yeah.

01:24:53.000 I mean, sugar's great every now and then.

01:24:56.000 Yeah, a little treat.

01:24:56.000 It's like a lot of things.

01:24:57.000 A little treat, you know, have a little tiramisu after a nice meal.

01:25:00.000 Yeah.

01:25:01.000 That's what he used to look like.

01:25:03.000 Wow.

01:25:04.000 Yeah, look, he looks inflamed.

01:25:06.000 That face looks inflamed.

01:25:07.000 Look at that thing right there. 0.51

01:25:09.000 It says, people ask me, how do I do it?

01:25:11.000 How do you not get tempted to eat sugar? 0.99

01:25:12.000 I keep photos like this around the house to constantly remind me, never again, fat Dean, fuck sugar, hashtag eat healthy. 0.99

01:25:20.000 See, that's inspiration right there. 1.00

01:25:22.000 Yeah.

01:25:23.000 Yeah, well, yeah, you got a picture of yourself when you're almost dying of a disease.

01:25:27.000 It's very, very common for people to eat too much sugar for long periods of time and then go to a doctor and the doctor tells them you have diabetes.

01:25:36.000 Right.

01:25:37.000 It's very common, and especially in America.

01:25:39.000 Totally brought on just by your diet.

01:25:41.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:25:42.000 Your body's just freaking out.

01:25:43.000 You're constantly making it processed sugar. 0.53

01:25:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:25:46.000 Your insulin's jacked up, spiked all the time, and everything's fucking haywiring your system, and your body's like, hey, shithead. 1.00

01:25:54.000 Stop with the Skittles. 1.00

01:25:55.000 You're not supposed to eat like this, you dumb fuck. 1.00

01:25:57.000 You lardass. 1.00

01:25:59.000 What about intermittent fasting?

01:26:01.000 I do that.

01:26:02.000 You do?

01:26:02.000 Yeah.

01:26:03.000 I kind of like this idea.

01:26:04.000 I love it.

01:26:05.000 Yeah, I eat for 10 hours a day.

01:26:08.000 And some people say you should do 8 hours.

01:26:10.000 Oh, every day?

01:26:11.000 Yeah, every day.

01:26:12.000 Well, I take a couple days off a week.

01:26:14.000 Well, the Jimmy Kimmel, the Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy wouldn't eat on, he would eat like 500 calories on Monday and Thursday.

01:26:22.000 And just like real...

01:26:25.000 Fasting, basically, on those days.

01:26:27.000 And then eat whatever he wanted on the other days.

01:26:30.000 And that's how he lost all of his weight.

01:26:33.000 So for two days a week, he eats a severely restricted amount of calories.

01:26:37.000 Yeah.

01:26:38.000 And the rest of the week, he can eat whatever he wants?

01:26:40.000 Yeah.

01:26:40.000 That seems crazy.

01:26:41.000 Does that seem crazy?

01:26:43.000 He said it's tricking your body into tricking your body.

01:26:48.000 And so the metabolism was like kicking in and I don't know what the specifics were.

01:26:52.000 But that's what he did when he dropped all that weight.

01:26:54.000 He wasn't exercising and that's what he did.

01:26:58.000 Mondays and Thursdays.

01:26:59.000 Why wasn't he exercising?

01:27:00.000 He hates it.

01:27:01.000 Now he exercises and is fit that way and doesn't restrict his calories as much because he's physically doing something.

01:27:09.000 But I like the idea of not eating a day.

01:27:12.000 That whole, when people say I hate exercise, it's like people saying I hate brushing my teeth. 0.99

01:27:17.000 Like, shut the fuck up. 0.99

01:27:19.000 Just what are you, a baby? 1.00

01:27:21.000 I hate exercise.

01:27:23.000 I don't want to brush my teeth.

01:27:26.000 Wait.

01:27:27.000 I hate it.

01:27:30.000 It's annoying.

01:27:33.000 That's back to the couch.

01:27:35.000 I gotta breathe heavy. 1.00

01:27:43.000 You just fucking do it. 1.00

01:27:44.000 There's a lot of shit you don't like to do. 1.00

01:27:45.000 It's like, I don't want to write. 0.99

01:27:48.000 Well, how the fuck do you expect the jokes to come? 0.99

01:27:51.000 You big baby. 0.99

01:27:53.000 I don't like writing.

01:27:53.000 I like it just to come into my head.

01:27:56.000 Come on! 0.61

01:27:58.000 Come on, ideas!

01:28:00.000 Just make your way into my head! 1.00

01:28:03.000 I want muscles from a pill!

01:28:12.000 You sound like, what's his name?

01:28:15.000 Who just died?

01:28:16.000 The comedian. 1.00

01:28:19.000 You're a crazy person! 1.00

01:28:22.000 Oh, John Panette? 1.00

01:28:23.000 Oh, Kevin Meaney.

01:28:23.000 Kevin Meaney, the great Kevin Meaney.

01:28:25.000 How did Kevin die?

01:28:25.000 What did he die from?

01:28:26.000 I think his heart.

01:28:27.000 He was just on his laptop in his living room.

01:28:31.000 He just had a hard time?

01:28:32.000 Yeah, I think so. 1.00

01:28:33.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:28:34.000 God, he was funny. 1.00

01:28:35.000 But he would wind up like you were just doing. 0.93

01:28:37.000 Like a crazy person.

01:28:39.000 I don't want to work out.

01:28:40.000 That's not right.

01:28:41.000 We're big pants people.

01:28:44.000 Dude, I saw Kevin Meany in 1988. He is so funny.

01:28:48.000 Me and my friend Diane DeRosa.

01:28:51.000 Nice.

01:28:51.000 She was a friend of mine from high school.

01:28:54.000 Italian girl.

01:28:55.000 Yeah, we went to see him at Catch a Rising Star in Cambridge.

01:29:01.000 And this is like...

01:29:04.000 I think maybe I had done an open mic night or maybe I hadn't even gone on stage yet.

01:29:09.000 But I went to see him and I paid to see him.

01:29:11.000 It's great.

01:29:12.000 And he crushed so hard that it was unimaginable to me.

01:29:18.000 I couldn't imagine someone could be that funny.

01:29:21.000 So funny!

01:29:22.000 Because he was in his prime then, and it was a, you know, maybe 180, 200 seat room, you know?

01:29:29.000 Just killing.

01:29:30.000 Little ceiling.

01:29:31.000 Just pow.

01:29:31.000 And he's on fire.

01:29:33.000 No escape.

01:29:34.000 Oh, he was on fire.

01:29:37.000 Smashing.

01:29:37.000 That's not right!

01:29:38.000 That's not right!

01:29:39.000 And then he would...

01:29:40.000 I'm open for him like at Caroline's when I was first starting and just watching him just like destroy.

01:29:46.000 And then he breaks into that coffee song.

01:29:48.000 Remember when he would do the coffee song?

01:29:50.000 This like Sinatra song?

01:29:54.000 All the coffee in Brazil or something like that.

01:29:57.000 He just jumped.

01:29:58.000 He's just killing talking about it.

01:30:00.000 And then all of a sudden he's doing this musical number.

01:30:02.000 Like Sinatra's.

01:30:04.000 He was just so comfortable.

01:30:06.000 All the coffee in Brazil, I think.

01:30:08.000 Something like that.

01:30:09.000 He was just so comfortable he could do whatever he wanted to.

01:30:12.000 He was so funny.

01:30:13.000 He hit that spot.

01:30:14.000 There's a spot that some comedians can hit. 1.00

01:30:16.000 The fucking bow tie. 1.00

01:30:17.000 I don't care. 1.00

01:30:20.000 He doesn't care.

01:30:21.000 I don't care.

01:30:23.000 This is his first Tonight Show, I think.

01:30:27.000 I don't care!

01:30:29.000 I don't care! 1.00

01:30:30.000 Shut up! 1.00

01:30:31.000 I don't care! 1.00

01:30:32.000 You'd have to be there to see it.

01:30:35.000 And also, you'd have to be there in 1988 to realize how crazy what he was doing was.

01:30:41.000 It was so weird.

01:30:42.000 But he got stuck.

01:30:44.000 He got stuck. 0.99

01:30:46.000 He went from being a fucking murderer on top of the world, killing in every place, But he got stuck with his act, where he had the same act for the longest time, and that act didn't work anymore. 0.99

01:31:00.000 Well, this is back to what I was talking about, about taking your eye off the ball and doing other things. 0.98

01:31:05.000 He started doing Uncle Buck, he started doing some movies, and then, you know, at that time, those people weren't so conscious that you had to keep your act alive.

01:31:13.000 You know what I mean?

01:31:14.000 And, you know, you take five years off the road and then try and come back.

01:31:19.000 It's not easily done.

01:31:21.000 No.

01:31:22.000 Did he take that much time off the road?

01:31:23.000 I don't know.

01:31:24.000 I'm just ballparking.

01:31:25.000 But I mean, you know his interests were other places at that time.

01:31:29.000 He was doing TV shows and doing all that other stuff.

01:31:32.000 It's hard.

01:31:32.000 You don't progress because you're not just in it doing that stand-up all the time.

01:31:37.000 Well, everyone was told back then, in particular, that you had to do something else.

01:31:42.000 That stand-up was a vehicle that got you to the big game.

01:31:46.000 Yeah.

01:31:46.000 And the big game was a television show.

01:31:48.000 Right.

01:31:49.000 Or a movie.

01:31:50.000 Like, when I got news radio, one of the producers of news radio said to me, like, why are you still doing stand-up?

01:31:56.000 Yeah.

01:31:56.000 You're an actor now.

01:31:57.000 Right, yeah.

01:31:57.000 Like, you're on TV. I was like, what?

01:31:59.000 Yeah.

01:32:00.000 And I remember thinking like, oh my god, I gotta get to a comedy club right now before this makes any sense.

01:32:05.000 I know. 1.00

01:32:05.000 The fuck are you talking about? 1.00

01:32:07.000 I mean, the way we think is you do that stuff so more people come to see your show so you can keep doing your shows. 1.00

01:32:13.000 That's why you do that stuff.

01:32:14.000 It's not the other way around.

01:32:15.000 But that generation saw it as...

01:32:18.000 The stand-up was not something that you...

01:32:21.000 But also, to be fair, they didn't have theater shows and other avenues weren't kind of carved out where they could see stand-up as being a special thing.

01:32:30.000 They were just in these hard-ass clubs doing six shows a weekend.

01:32:35.000 That's true.

01:32:36.000 They were like, get me out of here.

01:32:38.000 When did theater shows start kicking in for people?

01:32:41.000 For the main, for like, just regular good comics, not, you know, fairly recently.

01:32:47.000 Really?

01:32:47.000 Yeah.

01:32:47.000 Like when?

01:32:48.000 Who else was doing theaters before, like, you know, in those days?

01:32:53.000 Well, there was always...

01:32:54.000 Kevin Meaney, if Kevin Meaney was peaking now, he would be running off and starting to do theater shows.

01:32:59.000 But back then, it was just comedy clubs, and then...

01:33:04.000 Television?

01:33:05.000 Yeah, but some people did big places because I saw people in big places.

01:33:09.000 Like what kind of places?

01:33:11.000 Like, uh, there was theaters.

01:33:14.000 There was definitely rock clubs.

01:33:16.000 There was some of it, but there wasn't like an active touring.

01:33:19.000 When was the first time?

01:33:21.000 Man, I'm trying to remember the first time I did a theater.

01:33:25.000 Not that long ago, I bet. 1.00

01:33:28.000 Mmm, shit. 0.99

01:33:30.000 It wasn't like part of the touring business. 0.99

01:33:32.000 I mean, you had guys that were big that were doing it, but it wasn't like, you know, you couldn't have a guy that, instead of headlining at a club, could just go off and do a little theater.

01:33:43.000 It was different.

01:33:44.000 They were like...

01:33:45.000 Comedy was, you know...

01:33:46.000 It was also a slump.

01:33:48.000 All the clubs were closing down.

01:33:50.000 So you think like 10 years?

01:33:50.000 20 years?

01:33:51.000 How many?

01:33:52.000 15 years ago that started happening?

01:33:53.000 Yeah.

01:33:54.000 Yeah, that sounds about right.

01:33:55.000 Huh.

01:33:56.000 Sounds about right.

01:33:57.000 There was a slump, right?

01:33:58.000 There was a comedy slump.

01:34:00.000 Yeah, when I started in 93... 0.99

01:34:02.000 Comedy had fallen on its ass. 0.98

01:34:05.000 Oh, you started right when it hit. 1.00

01:34:07.000 Right at the end of it.

01:34:09.000 Because I started at the tail end of the boom.

01:34:13.000 Right.

01:34:13.000 The boom was like 84, and I started in 88. Okay.

01:34:17.000 And when I started, it's like people are like, oh, you started about four years too late, kid.

01:34:21.000 Right, yeah.

01:34:22.000 But there was still plenty of work.

01:34:24.000 Yeah, there was a lot.

01:34:24.000 But it was all clubs.

01:34:26.000 At 93, it was over.

01:34:27.000 Oh.

01:34:28.000 Did you get discouraged?

01:34:30.000 No, because it was good for me because...

01:34:32.000 Everybody's quitting.

01:34:33.000 Yeah, everyone was quitting.

01:34:34.000 And I was there.

01:34:35.000 I was working for free.

01:34:37.000 I wasn't looking to make money.

01:34:38.000 I was just doing it.

01:34:39.000 Yeah.

01:34:40.000 So all of a sudden, I was able to just...

01:34:42.000 If you had a car and would drive the headliner to a club, you could get on stage. 0.51

01:34:46.000 Well, there was also this weird attitude that some people would have that, like, they were getting screwed.

01:34:51.000 Because the work was going away.

01:34:53.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:34:54.000 Like you were getting screwed. 0.99

01:34:55.000 And I remember thinking like, wow, what a foolish way of looking at things that is, that you are personally getting screwed. 0.99

01:35:00.000 Yeah. 0.96

01:35:01.000 Because this entire industry was oversaturated with a bunch of hacks.

01:35:06.000 Hacks. 0.98

01:35:06.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:35:07.000 Real hacks.

01:35:08.000 Yeah.

01:35:08.000 Someone was talking about, is there going to be a bust now?

01:35:11.000 Because there's been so much comedy out there and stuff.

01:35:14.000 Yeah. 0.91

01:35:14.000 It's not a dearth of shitty comedy now. 0.91

01:35:17.000 No. 0.62

01:35:18.000 There's a lot of comedy, but it's a lot of good comedy that's progressing and moving forward.

01:35:22.000 The art form is booming.

01:35:24.000 There's a lot of different voices.

01:35:25.000 There's a lot going on.

01:35:26.000 Yeah.

01:35:26.000 There was a bust back then for a reason.

01:35:30.000 People had 40 minutes of material, and they just pounded people with it relentlessly.

01:35:36.000 And they never wrote.

01:35:36.000 And they never wrote anything else.

01:35:38.000 No, it was shitty. 0.98

01:35:40.000 Yeah, and there was a lot of these formula guys that would go, you know, they would just have some fucking, like, really obvious premise, and they would work it like a comedian would say! 0.98

01:35:54.000 They had a way of talking like a comedian. 0.77

01:35:58.000 What is this?

01:35:59.000 Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom playing out in my kitchen?

01:36:06.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:36:07.000 And it was really funny for a while.

01:36:09.000 Something's happening now where French comics are getting exposed for stealing American comedy verbatim and translating to French. 0.95

01:36:20.000 And there was a video that came out today that showed Dave Chappelle and then some French comic ripping him off.

01:36:27.000 Jerry Seinfeld and then some French comic ripping him off.

01:36:30.000 And not just ripping him off, but ripping him off with the same hand motions.

01:36:34.000 Doing his act in French.

01:36:36.000 Just doing his acting French.

01:36:37.000 As if they were the only human beings who spoke both English and French.

01:36:41.000 This was something that we had heard about forever from the Montreal Comedy Festival.

01:36:47.000 Oh really?

01:36:47.000 Yeah, because the Montreal Comedy Festival, not the people that performed there, but we would perform in Montreal and we would talk to guys who were comics that spoke English and French.

01:36:58.000 Right.

01:36:59.000 And a lot of the guys that spoke French, sometimes they would tell you they did French shows.

01:37:03.000 Yeah.

01:37:03.000 And I go, oh, what's that like?

01:37:04.000 That's weird.

01:37:05.000 Like, you do French shows and English shows?

01:37:06.000 And they go, it's interesting, but there's a bunch of comics that are famous only in the French-speaking world of touring comedy.

01:37:13.000 And they just steal from American comics and just say their stuff in French.

01:37:18.000 I go, no.

01:37:19.000 They're like, oh yeah, it's blatant.

01:37:21.000 Wow. 1.00

01:37:21.000 And there's a handful of comedians that were making a living, touring for years, just stealing everybody's shit. 1.00

01:37:28.000 I love how they steal from the biggest guys. 1.00

01:37:31.000 It's so stupid. 1.00

01:37:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:37:34.000 Yeah, I mean, literally, this is...

01:37:37.000 Wow, they're getting a guy from 2004. So they're going back.

01:37:42.000 This is like hashtag me too.

01:37:45.000 That's hilarious.

01:37:46.000 That's hilarious.

01:37:47.000 Look at you.

01:37:48.000 Copy comic mix.

01:37:49.000 Oh no.

01:37:50.000 Yeah.

01:37:51.000 85 or 86 to 2005. Well, that's Gad.

01:37:55.000 Do you know him?

01:37:56.000 Yeah.

01:37:56.000 How do you know him?

01:37:57.000 They call him the Jerry Seinfeld of France. 1.00

01:38:01.000 Well, he took that shit literally. 0.99

01:38:03.000 He's good friends with Jerry. 1.00

01:38:05.000 Yeah? 1.00

01:38:06.000 Well, stealing Jerry's shit. 1.00

01:38:08.000 Oh man. 1.00

01:38:09.000 Yeah, it's interesting.

01:38:12.000 And they're using hashtag copycomic and hashtag copycomicmix. 0.98

01:38:17.000 I wonder if this is like French-speaking comedians who don't do this, who are like, enough is enough, you fucks. 0.97

01:38:23.000 And they're mad and they're coming out with all this. 0.97

01:38:26.000 Yeah, maybe.

01:38:27.000 Maybe.

01:38:29.000 There is a real thing.

01:38:30.000 I was thinking the other day, I heard you talking with, I think it was Neil.

01:38:36.000 Brennan?

01:38:37.000 Yeah, and you were talking about Jenny.

01:38:39.000 Richard Jenny, yeah.

01:38:41.000 Who I love Jenny too.

01:38:43.000 One of the greats.

01:38:43.000 Most underrated comedian of all time, I think.

01:38:46.000 So great.

01:38:47.000 But when you listen to his stuff, it is very much of the time.

01:38:52.000 I think all comedy is very much of the time.

01:38:55.000 Sure.

01:38:56.000 It really, like even our stuff from 15 years ago is of that moment.

01:39:02.000 And you listen to Jenny and he's...

01:39:06.000 He's so funny, but he's definitely of that ear.

01:39:09.000 If I were to try and turn my 15-year-old on to him, it wouldn't fly.

01:39:14.000 I don't know.

01:39:15.000 I think if you made your 15-year-old listen to a steaming pile of me...

01:39:20.000 Yeah?

01:39:21.000 Yeah.

01:39:22.000 15-year-old boy or a girl?

01:39:23.000 Parts of it, girl.

01:39:25.000 Parts of it.

01:39:26.000 And this isn't a knock.

01:39:28.000 I know what you're saying.

01:39:29.000 You know what I mean?

01:39:30.000 It's just comedy is very much of the give and take of the culture and what's happening.

01:39:36.000 And some stuff holds up and some stuff because Richard is the first guy to do the lobster in a tank thing.

01:39:48.000 See, but he wasn't even.

01:39:49.000 He wasn't even.

01:39:50.000 There was a guy in Boston that was doing it even before him. 0.90

01:39:53.000 It was a guy named Don Gavin who had a fucking hilarious bit about a lobster in a tank. 0.81

01:39:59.000 Oh, really? 0.99

01:40:00.000 Don Gavin's like the king. 0.99

01:40:01.000 He was a monster. 1.00

01:40:04.000 A monster. 0.99

01:40:05.000 But see, what happens is...

01:40:07.000 He breaks that.

01:40:08.000 He breaks that code.

01:40:10.000 He comes up with that bit.

01:40:12.000 And then 15 years later, we've seen shades of it.

01:40:17.000 So then by the time my kid hears it, it's like, oh, that old thing.

01:40:20.000 And they don't realize at that moment when Don Gavin comes up with that on his way into the club.

01:40:27.000 It's genius.

01:40:29.000 Yeah.

01:40:29.000 Right?

01:40:29.000 Yeah.

01:40:30.000 No, yeah, for sure.

01:40:31.000 And a bunch of people had similar premises back then.

01:40:35.000 Yeah.

01:40:35.000 There was a bunch of bits about game shows.

01:40:39.000 There was a bunch of bits.

01:40:41.000 Right.

01:40:41.000 There was a lot of different bits that people just had their own take on these individual things.

01:40:47.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:40:49.000 Gavin was so funny. 0.93

01:40:50.000 Oh, he was a monster.

01:40:51.000 Yeah. 0.79

01:40:52.000 He's one of those guys that never left Boston, though.

01:40:54.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:40:54.000 Boston was a dirty mistress. 0.99

01:40:56.000 She fucking kept you around. 1.00

01:40:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:40:59.000 Crushed your dreams.

01:41:00.000 Yeah.

01:41:00.000 It was so good there that they stayed.

01:41:03.000 Stayed.

01:41:03.000 And had long careers, though, right?

01:41:05.000 Yep. 0.90

01:41:05.000 But they should have been monsters. 0.90

01:41:08.000 Yeah.

01:41:08.000 Don Gavin should be, in my opinion, he should be right up there with all the greats.

01:41:13.000 Yeah.

01:41:13.000 People should know him the same way they know Robin Williams and all these other stand-up comics that are huge.

01:41:19.000 Maybe even bigger.

01:41:20.000 Such a natural.

01:41:21.000 Such a natural.

01:41:23.000 So good.

01:41:24.000 Especially at the time.

01:41:25.000 Oh my god, in 88 when I first started.

01:41:28.000 Oh really?

01:41:29.000 He would show up, half-cocked, drink in hand, go on stage, and just crush to the point where you couldn't believe how good his timing was.

01:41:39.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:41:40.000 And he had that fucking Boston way of talking about things. 0.99

01:41:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:41:44.000 That Irish kind of... 1.00

01:41:46.000 Right?

01:41:46.000 Yeah.

01:41:47.000 On a vacation, I went to Puerto Rico.

01:41:49.000 I loved it. 1.00

01:41:50.000 But fucking... 1.00

01:41:51.000 So many Puerto Ricans. 1.00

01:41:53.000 I don't even know how they afford it.

01:41:55.000 It's so expensive.

01:41:56.000 Hey, I'm a vegetarian. 1.00

01:41:58.000 I eat meat and shit, but... 0.99

01:42:00.000 It's like the timing of it. 1.00

01:42:05.000 Everything was a throwaway, and every tag was a throwaway to another tag. 0.99

01:42:11.000 You were laughing at shit you couldn't believe you were hearing. 0.99

01:42:14.000 So brilliant. 1.00

01:42:15.000 Yeah.

01:42:16.000 And then it really becomes, you know, there's certain stuff.

01:42:19.000 Like, I'll see, like, the old...

01:42:21.000 I was watching old Jack Benny on YouTube.

01:42:25.000 And some of it really is as funny as sitcoms that are out today.

01:42:29.000 Really?

01:42:30.000 Yeah, some of it nails it.

01:42:34.000 But most of it is...

01:42:35.000 Like I said, it just kind of dates itself.

01:42:38.000 I was watching an ad for these Jackie Gleason DVDs.

01:42:43.000 So I guess Jackie Gleason had a show.

01:42:46.000 Yeah.

01:42:46.000 I didn't know you had a show.

01:42:48.000 Yeah.

01:42:48.000 And The Honeymooners was a part of that show.

01:42:50.000 Oh! 0.60

01:42:51.000 It was like a bit.

01:42:53.000 A sketch.

01:42:53.000 It was like a sketch.

01:42:54.000 Yeah.

01:42:54.000 So it was a variety show.

01:42:56.000 Yeah.

01:42:56.000 And they're playing this ad for a DVD for the variety show.

01:43:02.000 So my wife walks into the kitchen. 1.00

01:43:04.000 I'm watching this on TV. She goes, what the fuck are you watching? 1.00

01:43:07.000 And I'm like, look at this. 1.00

01:43:08.000 This is like a time machine.

01:43:09.000 You get to watch what people thought was amazing in 1960 or whatever this was.

01:43:14.000 Yeah.

01:43:15.000 Yeah, look at that. 0.97

01:43:15.000 Killer. 0.97

01:43:17.000 The Jackie Gleason Show.

01:43:18.000 The Jackie Gleason Show.

01:43:19.000 Look at all the characters.

01:43:21.000 Yeah, and look, there's the Honeymooners at the bottom.

01:43:23.000 Joe the Bartender.

01:43:24.000 Yeah.

01:43:25.000 Wow.

01:43:27.000 Fenwick Babbitt.

01:43:28.000 Reggie Van Gleason III. What the fuck? 1.00

01:43:31.000 Yeah, just doing a whole bunch of characters. 1.00

01:43:34.000 They called him the greatest.

01:43:35.000 He called himself the greatest.

01:43:37.000 CBS TV. The best.

01:43:40.000 Wow, how weird.

01:43:42.000 Yeah, that was his show, 8 to 9 o'clock on Saturdays.

01:43:46.000 Brought to you by Schick.

01:43:48.000 And they all smoked.

01:43:48.000 And Clarets.

01:43:49.000 See if you can find a clip from it.

01:43:51.000 Oh, the best.

01:43:52.000 It's so weird to watch, man.

01:43:53.000 They all smoked.

01:43:54.000 They were constantly smoking while they were on the set.

01:43:58.000 They would light up and they're doing their sketches and they had a cigarette in their hand while they were doing sketches.

01:44:04.000 A lot of them were sponsored by the cigarettes.

01:44:07.000 Oh, that makes sense.

01:44:08.000 Yeah.

01:44:11.000 Jack Benny Show, they would stop and just start talking about it.

01:44:13.000 Due to the nature of the rare kinescope recordings utilized in this tape, picture quality will vary in comparison to modern video technology.

01:44:21.000 However, because of the historical significance of the subject matter, they are included.

01:44:25.000 Very nice.

01:44:27.000 This is it, man.

01:44:28.000 This is the beginning of television comedy. 1.00

01:44:30.000 Damn. 0.99

01:44:31.000 Look at what it looks like. 1.00

01:44:33.000 American scene.

01:44:35.000 Yeah.

01:44:36.000 Wow.

01:44:36.000 It's basically a poster.

01:44:37.000 You're just pushing it on a poster.

01:44:39.000 Does it say what year this is, Jamie?

01:44:43.000 52?

01:44:44.000 62. 62. So this is right around the time where he was in The Hustler.

01:44:49.000 Oh man, was that the best.

01:44:50.000 Look at this.

01:44:51.000 Look at that giant pack of Marlboro cigarettes.

01:44:55.000 Wow, what does she say?

01:44:56.000 Back it up a little bit so I can hear what she said about Marlboro.

01:45:00.000 Give me some volume and back it up.

01:45:03.000 The music.

01:45:04.000 It's so great.

01:45:05.000 I love this stuff.

01:45:06.000 From New York City, the entertainment capital of the world... 0.99

01:45:23.000 I bet those gals would love to come back and do some fucking Me Too speeches. 1.00

01:45:29.000 Imagine what kind of Me Too shit was happening back then. 1.00

01:45:32.000 Those were cave people. 0.99

01:45:39.000 Art Carney was with him.

01:45:40.000 Wow.

01:45:41.000 Played Norton.

01:45:44.000 In front of a live audience.

01:45:48.000 Boy, there was nothing to look forward to back then.

01:45:52.000 I mean, you'd get laid a couple of times, and then before you know it, your wife was pregnant and you had a bunch of kids.

01:45:58.000 Yeah.

01:45:59.000 And then you're just paying your bills. 1.00

01:46:01.000 Give me a goddamn laugh. 1.00

01:46:03.000 Look at this. 1.00

01:46:04.000 These gals running around. 1.00

01:46:05.000 It's just...

01:46:07.000 Yeah, you'd have a little, uh...

01:46:09.000 This was showbiz.

01:46:10.000 I mean, this came from, you know, how you did a show.

01:46:13.000 Now, no disrespect, but do you think Jackie Gleason got to bang any of these chicks? 1.00

01:46:17.000 Absolutely!

01:46:18.000 62?

01:46:19.000 In 62, right?

01:46:20.000 I'm the greatest!

01:46:23.000 But, I mean, he probably could barely get it up.

01:46:24.000 He was chain-smoking.

01:46:26.000 Chain-smoking.

01:46:27.000 Drinking.

01:46:27.000 Big drinker.

01:46:28.000 Hammered all the time.

01:46:29.000 Big time drinker.

01:46:30.000 And by this time, he was probably deep into his 40s, right?

01:46:33.000 Yeah.

01:46:33.000 He was probably grossly unhealthy.

01:46:36.000 Yeah.

01:46:36.000 How funny was...

01:46:38.000 So, 62. How old do you think Jackie Gleason was in 62?

01:46:41.000 Here he comes.

01:46:42.000 Here you go.

01:46:44.000 Look at that face.

01:46:46.000 Wow.

01:46:47.000 He was the greatest.

01:46:49.000 It certainly was an original, right?

01:46:51.000 Oh man, yeah. 0.99

01:46:53.000 Didn't give a fuck. 1.00

01:46:54.000 Look at him. 1.00

01:46:54.000 Energy. 1.00

01:46:56.000 Pinky ring.

01:46:57.000 Let me hear some monologues.

01:46:58.000 He's getting laughs.

01:46:59.000 He hasn't opened his mouth.

01:47:01.000 I got 38 more weeks to go.

01:47:05.000 Imagine 38 weeks of this.

01:47:07.000 Your coffee has to go.

01:47:15.000 Thank you.

01:47:19.000 How sweet it is.

01:47:23.000 It takes a sip and she walks away. 0.99

01:47:28.000 Probably a sponsor.

01:47:29.000 That was the joke.

01:47:37.000 And he dances.

01:47:39.000 Look at that.

01:47:42.000 There was no hip replacements back then.

01:47:47.000 Wow, this is so weird.

01:47:49.000 You had to dance, you had to sing, you had to tell jokes.

01:47:52.000 But it's weird to watch.

01:47:53.000 Look at her.

01:47:55.000 Wouldn't you love to go back in time and bang some hot lady from 1962? 1.00

01:48:02.000 I bet it was just different back then.

01:48:05.000 Yeah.

01:48:05.000 It was wild.

01:48:06.000 When was birth control?

01:48:07.000 When did birth control come out? 0.99

01:48:09.000 60s.

01:48:10.000 So I feel like that's where people changed.

01:48:14.000 What they are.

01:48:15.000 Because back then, there was this mad desire, right?

01:48:18.000 But there was also insane consequences.

01:48:20.000 Yeah.

01:48:21.000 If you had sex with someone, you're like, oh, we might have a kid! 0.57

01:48:23.000 We might have a person! 0.83

01:48:24.000 Yeah.

01:48:25.000 This drive, this pull, this cyclone of lust that leads you to this one person.

01:48:33.000 Ramifications.

01:48:34.000 Not just ramifications, but life-changing, life-altering results and consequences, right?

01:48:40.000 Then the pill comes and you have the sexual revolution.

01:48:42.000 People started banging everywhere.

01:48:45.000 Women were in control of their own destiny. 1.00

01:48:47.000 Yeah, but just changed what it means to have sex. 0.51

01:48:52.000 It became this weirdness.

01:48:54.000 It became for pleasure.

01:48:55.000 It wasn't just to, yeah.

01:48:56.000 I mean, it was always for pleasure, but yeah. 1.00

01:48:58.000 It was always for pleasure, but the odds of that pleasure biting you in the ass. 1.00

01:49:02.000 Like, people must have just... 1.00

01:49:04.000 Assumed you're going to have a few babies mamas by the time you get to a certain age. 1.00

01:49:08.000 Right?

01:49:09.000 But as a woman, if you had a baby out of wedlock, you were ostracized. 0.89

01:49:14.000 Yeah.

01:49:15.000 You were seen as, you know, bad news.

01:49:17.000 That is crazy, right?

01:49:18.000 Yeah.

01:49:19.000 You were seen.

01:49:19.000 The guy wasn't...

01:49:21.000 It was nothing.

01:49:22.000 No reflection on him.

01:49:23.000 He wasn't even in the picture. 1.00

01:49:24.000 She's just like a whore. 1.00

01:49:26.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:49:27.000 What a shit deal for women that is. 1.00

01:49:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:49:30.000 Yeah, it's pretty bad.

01:49:33.000 Yeah, but there's some people that argue that the pill and that changing the nature of sexual intercourse changed the way women interact with men, which changed the way women sort of like view themselves.

01:49:47.000 Yeah.

01:49:48.000 And that this is not necessarily all positive.

01:49:51.000 I always found that to be a confusing argument.

01:49:55.000 I don't follow.

01:49:56.000 The argument being that it's natural for a woman to be very selective about who she has sex with. 1.00

01:50:05.000 And that it's natural for a woman to want a guy who's going to shit together and all these different factors in place before she allows the man to procreate with her. 0.99

01:50:17.000 Right. 0.99

01:50:18.000 The pill comes along and then all of a sudden women could just have one night stands and they could be like the chicks from Sex and the City and just bang up a storm and have no consequences. 1.00

01:50:31.000 Like a guy.

01:50:32.000 Yeah.

01:50:32.000 But this led to a deeply unfulfilling narrative that a lot of women sort of found themselves repeating.

01:50:41.000 It's a very tortured conversation because I'm not a woman.

01:50:44.000 Because I don't know what their actual design is.

01:50:46.000 No, but that also can be said of men.

01:50:49.000 I mean, just that scenario.

01:50:52.000 Just to have sex, just to keep banging and have no emotional connection.

01:50:56.000 I know guy friends that end up in a very lonely place because of that, you know? 0.66

01:51:01.000 Well, think of this way, right?

01:51:02.000 If you're 20, and that's the case.

01:51:04.000 Yeah.

01:51:05.000 Everybody's like, ah, he's having a good time.

01:51:07.000 Right.

01:51:07.000 If you're 60. Yeah.

01:51:09.000 And that's the case. 1.00

01:51:10.000 Like, ah, that poor bastard. 1.00

01:51:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:51:13.000 All he does is get hookers and brings them back to his mansion. 0.99

01:51:17.000 Yeah, it seems. 0.99

01:51:18.000 They do coke and they dance.

01:51:19.000 It's like, do you remember- They do coke and they dance.

01:51:22.000 I love the picture of a 60-year-old guy just- Dancing in a lonely place with one girl. 0.96

01:51:28.000 I picture, like, Jack Nicholson with his hair all fucked up, you know? 0.95

01:51:30.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:51:32.000 A whole bed-handed.

01:51:33.000 Psychedelic furs playing.

01:51:35.000 Love my life.

01:51:37.000 With a robe.

01:51:37.000 It's a new robe.

01:51:41.000 Yeah, here we go.

01:51:42.000 It's so funny. 0.99

01:51:43.000 Oh, it's that fucking old dude in Italy, Gianluca Vacci. 0.99

01:51:47.000 Yeah, that guy's hilarious. 0.99

01:51:49.000 It's great.

01:51:50.000 Do you know who this guy is?

01:51:51.000 No, he's in good shape.

01:51:52.000 Well, he got rid of that gal and got a couple more since then. 0.98

01:51:55.000 But he's 50 years old, and he's like the super millionaire, and he makes these videos of him and girls dancing on yachts and shit. 0.85

01:52:08.000 But he's got, like, weird tattoos. 0.77

01:52:11.000 Like, he's got an ankle bracelet tattoo.

01:52:12.000 Like, he's got writing around his ankle that he apparently, like, taped over.

01:52:16.000 So then he wears, like, ankle bracelets to cover the fact that he's got this weird ankle, like, writing tattoo.

01:52:23.000 How old is this guy?

01:52:25.000 He's 50. He's in great shape.

01:52:27.000 He's in pretty good shape.

01:52:29.000 Oh, dude, his Instagram is hilarious.

01:52:31.000 His feed is all, like, him dancing. 0.99

01:52:35.000 And doing weird shit. 0.95

01:52:36.000 But he's got like writing all over his body and tattoos. 0.99

01:52:38.000 He's a very strange character.

01:52:40.000 That is a strange cat.

01:52:41.000 But he's become, from these videos, this enormous social media celebrity type character.

01:52:47.000 Oh really?

01:52:48.000 Yeah.

01:52:48.000 What's his name?

01:52:49.000 Gianluca Vacci.

01:52:51.000 Gianluca Vacci.

01:52:52.000 Party man.

01:52:53.000 He's like the most interesting man in the world.

01:52:54.000 He's a DJ, too.

01:52:56.000 He does, like, international DJ stuff.

01:52:58.000 So he flies around his private jet all over the world.

01:53:01.000 Of course he does.

01:53:02.000 Probably banging tens, doing coke, dancing.

01:53:05.000 Sad existence.

01:53:05.000 But is he happy?

01:53:07.000 I don't think so.

01:53:08.000 Look at those girls. 1.00

01:53:09.000 How could you be happy?

01:53:11.000 That's the thing.

01:53:12.000 It's like, how come that's sad if he's 50 and not sad if he's 20?

01:53:18.000 It's weird. 1.00

01:53:19.000 Well, yeah, it's always your own shit. 1.00

01:53:21.000 It's your own projection. 1.00

01:53:22.000 Sure.

01:53:23.000 I mean, he seems like he's pretty heavy.

01:53:26.000 Looks like he's dancing and he's doing backflips into the water.

01:53:29.000 Yeah.

01:53:29.000 There it is right there.

01:53:30.000 Yeah, he's got weird writing all over his body.

01:53:32.000 Oh, no.

01:53:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:53:33.000 He's also showing his dick root. 1.00

01:53:35.000 Oh, jeez. 1.00

01:53:35.000 That's that weird thing that the young fellas do. 1.00

01:53:38.000 Yeah, you show the bones. 0.96

01:53:40.000 It's not a good look, the dick root look. 0.98

01:53:44.000 It's so gross. 0.97

01:53:45.000 It's like, I know what you're doing, man.

01:53:47.000 Stop.

01:53:48.000 Look at the Captain America one.

01:53:50.000 Click on the Captain America one.

01:53:52.000 He tries too hard sometimes, and some of them are just really weird.

01:53:55.000 First of all, look how tan he is. 0.97

01:53:57.000 How he doesn't have skin cancer is fucking amazing. 0.99

01:54:01.000 Oh, man. 0.99

01:54:02.000 Yeah, look at this.

01:54:05.000 He's dancing like Captain America.

01:54:06.000 He's got a shield and a head thing on.

01:54:08.000 Meanwhile, 6,723,840 views.

01:54:13.000 Oh my god.

01:54:15.000 It's crazy. 1.00

01:54:16.000 It's so stupid. 1.00

01:54:18.000 More people watch that than watch any hit movie this year. 1.00

01:54:21.000 That's so insane.

01:54:27.000 God!

01:54:27.000 You never know what's going to hit kids.

01:54:29.000 There's this fucking show that my seven-year-old loves. 0.99

01:54:32.000 And the show's called Haters Back Off. 0.99

01:54:34.000 And there's this girl named Miranda something or another.

01:54:37.000 She's a YouTube sensation.

01:54:39.000 Oh, Miranda Sings.

01:54:40.000 Yeah.

01:54:40.000 She's a YouTube sensation for doing stuff really badly on purpose.

01:54:46.000 Pretending that she's killing it.

01:54:48.000 And she's got this Netflix show that I watched with them. 1.00

01:54:55.000 And the fucking show is not a bad show. 0.99

01:54:58.000 It's an interesting show. 1.00

01:54:58.000 It's weird. 1.00

01:54:59.000 It's almost like a female Napoleon Dynamite type situation. 1.00

01:55:04.000 She's talented.

01:55:05.000 But my daughter, who's seven, loves it.

01:55:09.000 And she does a Miranda impression.

01:55:11.000 This, like, something hilarious about, like, whatever she's nailed.

01:55:16.000 That's great.

01:55:16.000 But some of the shows, like, she had this one about being famous and about, like, refreshing, like, constantly refreshing her page to find out how many likes and thumbs up and thumbs down.

01:55:26.000 She got it.

01:55:27.000 It was super depressing.

01:55:28.000 Oh, really?

01:55:29.000 Because she was crying.

01:55:30.000 Oh, man. 0.90

01:55:31.000 And her mother's screaming at her and telling her how selfish she is.

01:55:34.000 And the whole thing is, like, it's really weird.

01:55:35.000 She just lives in Studio City.

01:55:37.000 She's just like a... 1.00

01:55:38.000 Actress in the valley.

01:55:40.000 She was.

01:55:41.000 She's balling out of control now. 1.00

01:55:42.000 She sells out everywhere. 0.96

01:55:44.000 She does live shows.

01:55:45.000 What kind of live shows?

01:55:46.000 She comes out and sings like Miranda and all these young girls just pack the place. 1.00

01:55:51.000 Yeah.

01:55:52.000 Packs the place.

01:55:52.000 There's weird money in these things.

01:55:55.000 She's funny.

01:55:57.000 That's very Groucho Marx kind of old school.

01:56:01.000 She has these big cartoon lips. 0.98

01:56:03.000 Good for her.

01:56:05.000 She puts the lipstick all the way around on the outside of the lips.

01:56:08.000 Yeah.

01:56:10.000 My kids were imitating her for a while.

01:56:13.000 6.5 million Instagram followers. 0.99

01:56:15.000 It's pictures of spaghetti in her butt and stuff. 0.99

01:56:18.000 It's so weird. 0.99

01:56:19.000 Her making weird faces.

01:56:21.000 You guys.

01:56:23.000 Meanwhile, she's nailing it with seven-year-olds. 1.00

01:56:27.000 She was sick from school yesterday.

01:56:31.000 She watched it all day. 1.00

01:56:32.000 She fucking loves it. 0.99

01:56:34.000 I was on the Tonight Show once with Miley Cyrus. 0.99

01:56:38.000 This was like, I don't know, eight years ago or something.

01:56:42.000 And she's so famous.

01:56:45.000 The point was she was just completely huge, you know.

01:56:49.000 And my kids came along because they wanted to meet her.

01:56:52.000 My kids were little.

01:56:55.000 I was like, wow, she's really nailing it.

01:56:57.000 She's huge in show business and stuff.

01:56:59.000 And then my kids come up, can we take a picture?

01:57:00.000 And she's like, yeah, okay.

01:57:02.000 And she had to squat down to take pictures with these two little people.

01:57:06.000 I was like, that's the price she has to pay.

01:57:09.000 What?

01:57:09.000 Taking pictures with little people?

01:57:12.000 Squatting down and taking pictures with little people.

01:57:14.000 It's bad for the lower back.

01:57:17.000 All the squatting and posing.

01:57:18.000 Yeah.

01:57:19.000 We were talking about...

01:57:20.000 By the way, a bunch of people got mad because we were talking about that Logan Paul guy who had taken photos or videos with dead people.

01:57:32.000 Yeah, the suicide people.

01:57:33.000 People were mad at the way we were discussing the Logan Paul thing.

01:57:36.000 People were saying I defended him.

01:57:37.000 I don't think I defended him, did I? I don't think I did.

01:57:39.000 I don't remember. 0.99

01:57:40.000 We were high as fuck. 0.99

01:57:41.000 It was me and Red Band wearing NASA outfits. 1.00

01:57:45.000 Yeah.

01:57:45.000 Don't take it seriously, by the way.

01:57:50.000 I read into it more.

01:57:51.000 I didn't know exactly what he did, but I read into it more.

01:57:53.000 Apparently, he was mocking the bodies.

01:57:55.000 Their hands were bloated and blue, and he was making fun of it all.

01:57:59.000 Yeah, he's a bad guy, apparently.

01:58:01.000 He made a super cut of everything he did in Japan.

01:58:03.000 He did a bunch of other things on top of that, apparently, that we weren't aware of. 0.76

01:58:07.000 He's a creep. 0.91

01:58:08.000 He's trying to be outrageous. 0.71

01:58:10.000 Yeah.

01:58:10.000 Trying to get attention.

01:58:11.000 Totally.

01:58:12.000 And it's working.

01:58:13.000 He's got a ton of people.

01:58:14.000 It's the same thing though, right?

01:58:15.000 It's like these people that you're like, what do they do?

01:58:18.000 How do they have...

01:58:18.000 He's got what?

01:58:19.000 And you find he's got how many millions of this and that?

01:58:22.000 No, exactly.

01:58:23.000 The guy's brother is the other one who lives next to a friend of mine.

01:58:28.000 Bought a $7 million house.

01:58:31.000 20 years old.

01:58:32.000 Bought a $7 million house.

01:58:34.000 Yeah, killing it.

01:58:35.000 In Calabasas. 1.00

01:58:36.000 Killing it. 0.99

01:58:37.000 No, he's one of those people that, you know, love him and hate him equally.

01:58:42.000 But even the people that hate him still have to see what he's doing.

01:58:45.000 It's like that kind of thing.

01:58:46.000 Yeah, it's super confusing.

01:58:47.000 Yeah.

01:58:49.000 Celebrity.

01:58:49.000 And he's outrageous, I guess.

01:58:52.000 I don't know anything about him.

01:58:53.000 It's also just access.

01:58:55.000 Everyone has access to YouTube.

01:58:57.000 So what YouTube is now is like a television show that you keep in your pocket.

01:59:03.000 Yeah.

01:59:03.000 You can just constantly...

01:59:05.000 Yeah.

01:59:05.000 There's a video that I posted yesterday of...

01:59:08.000 Poor bastard. 1.00

01:59:10.000 This fucking guy raised a squirrel. 1.00

01:59:12.000 I saw that. 1.00

01:59:14.000 The cute little squirrel.

01:59:16.000 They rehabilitated it, and they got the little squirrel, and they said, hey little squirrel, everything's gonna be fine.

01:59:23.000 He's like putting it back into nature.

01:59:25.000 Hey, it's time.

01:59:26.000 It's about time, little guy.

01:59:27.000 And he puts the little squirrel on the tree, and he's like, you just, you go about your way.

01:59:32.000 Good luck, little fella.

01:59:33.000 This is where you live now.

01:59:34.000 And he's got the squirrel on the tree for all of 15 seconds and a cat comes along and jacks him with ridiculous speed and fury.

01:59:42.000 I'm gonna hear the volume.

01:59:43.000 This is my favorite part, the screaming.

01:59:45.000 Here we go.

01:59:52.000 Stop! 1.00

01:59:53.000 Oh, that cat just... 1.00

01:59:56.000 That cat was on that fucker so fast. 1.00

01:59:59.000 The cat climbs up the tree, grabs him, and just takes off. 1.00

02:00:03.000 Just ran with him in his mouth.

02:00:04.000 And that's like you...

02:00:05.000 It's more than you doing that with a cat.

02:00:08.000 Like, if you had a cat in your mouth, the cat would be smaller in your mouth than that hamster or that squirrel would be. 1.00

02:00:15.000 That's how big the fucking cat is. 1.00

02:00:18.000 It's so wrong. 1.00

02:00:20.000 Ugh.

02:00:21.000 Here it is. 1.00

02:00:21.000 Oh, bitch! 1.00

02:00:22.000 That's a wrap, son! 1.00

02:00:26.000 Almost a million people saw it. 1.00

02:00:28.000 Cats don't give a fuck. 1.00

02:00:29.000 They don't give a fuck. 1.00

02:00:31.000 My cat's a killer. 1.00

02:00:32.000 Oh, dude, they're ruthless. 0.99

02:00:34.000 Ruthless. 0.59

02:00:35.000 Just kills everything. 1.00

02:00:36.000 Anything they can. 0.98

02:00:37.000 Yeah.

02:00:37.000 Have you ever seen the numbers for how many things cats kill in North America?

02:00:41.000 No.

02:00:42.000 Billions of birds.

02:00:44.000 Billions.

02:00:45.000 Billions.

02:00:46.000 Billions of mammals and billions of birds.

02:00:49.000 What's so gangster is they kill them and don't even eat them.

02:00:52.000 No. 1.00

02:00:52.000 They just kill them. 1.00

02:00:53.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:00:53.000 They just like the sport. 0.98

02:00:55.000 Food's easy.

02:00:56.000 Cats that live in the wild or indoor pets are allowed to roam outdoors kill between 1.4 billion to as many as 3.7 billion birds in the continental U.S. each year.

02:01:09.000 So there's a new study that escalates a decades-old debate over feline threat to native animals, and it shows this cute little cat with a bird in its mouth.

02:01:17.000 They're monsters.

02:01:18.000 Yeah. 0.59

02:01:19.000 And just brings them and drops them in my kids' beds.

02:01:22.000 Look at this question people also ask.

02:01:24.000 Do cats kill birds?

02:01:26.000 I keep leaving my birds and they're dead.

02:01:30.000 Fluffy would never do that.

02:01:32.000 No.

02:01:32.000 Fluffy's a Sweeney.

02:01:35.000 Fluffy...

02:01:35.000 I didn't see a feather in its bowl.

02:01:41.000 My cat drops rodents in my children's hair while they sleep.

02:01:47.000 Oh no!

02:01:48.000 That's so disgusting! 0.99

02:01:50.000 In her bed. 0.99

02:01:51.000 Oh my god.

02:01:52.000 Dropped a rat in my daughter's bathroom.

02:01:55.000 It took a leak in her shower cap. 1.00

02:01:57.000 Really?

02:01:58.000 To mark his territory? 0.73

02:02:00.000 No, the rat was just scared shitless and we couldn't catch it.

02:02:04.000 It was like behind the toilet and stuff and we finally got it out and my daughter the next day goes to put on her shower cap and it's just filled with pee.

02:02:12.000 Rat pee? 0.95

02:02:13.000 Rat pee! 1.00

02:02:16.000 You can fucking die from that. 1.00

02:02:19.000 Disgusting. 1.00

02:02:20.000 Did you know that you can get leprosy from armadillos? 0.99

02:02:24.000 Of course I don't know that.

02:02:25.000 It's one of the few ways that a human can contract leprosy from an animal.

02:02:32.000 Leprosy is apparently 95% of us are immune to leprosy, but you can get leprosy from armadillo.

02:02:39.000 Oh my god. 0.97

02:02:40.000 Yeah, so if you eat an armadillo, cook the shit out of it, folks. 0.98

02:02:43.000 Wear rubber gloves. 0.96

02:02:45.000 How armadillos can spread leprosy.

02:02:47.000 That's a dinosaur too, isn't it?

02:02:49.000 Look at that.

02:02:50.000 Tank-like creatures are the only mammals besides us known to carry leprosy.

02:02:54.000 Oh my lord.

02:02:55.000 Yeah, apparently though, those things taste pretty good.

02:02:59.000 People eat armadillos.

02:03:01.000 They do?

02:03:02.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:03:03.000 They open them up and it's kind of a fatty meat and you grill it and people marinate it and grill it.

02:03:10.000 It's all in your head.

02:03:11.000 I mean, why is a lobster delicious and that thing's gross?

02:03:14.000 Because it walks on the road.

02:03:17.000 Because you see its beady eyes at night when you're driving to Vegas.

02:03:20.000 Okay, but why is a deer delicious then?

02:03:22.000 Because deer's walking the road too.

02:03:24.000 They're not as delicious.

02:03:25.000 Deer?

02:03:26.000 Yeah, I don't like deer so much.

02:03:27.000 How dare you?

02:03:27.000 You like deer?

02:03:28.000 You're not cooking it right.

02:03:29.000 Yeah, probably not.

02:03:29.000 How come you're eating elk?

02:03:30.000 That's a deer.

02:03:31.000 I love that elk.

02:03:32.000 It's a giant elk.

02:03:33.000 A giant elk is a giant deer.

02:03:34.000 They taste different though.

02:03:36.000 In fairness, I haven't had deer in a long time and I didn't know how to cook.

02:03:40.000 Well, also it's how people take care of it is a big issue.

02:03:44.000 There's things called tarsal glands that exist on the deer's legs that are particularly active when they're horny, which is when a lot of times when you hunt them, which is called the rut.

02:03:55.000 And those tarsal glands, if they're not handled correctly while you're skinning the deer, you can leak some of that stuff on the meat and it'll greatly taint the way the meat tastes.

02:04:06.000 Oh, maybe I had some of that.

02:04:07.000 Yeah, there's that.

02:04:08.000 And then there's also people don't take care of it.

02:04:11.000 Like, for the moment they kill it.

02:04:12.000 Like, how long does it take before it's actually cooled down and dressed?

02:04:16.000 This was like in New Jersey.

02:04:17.000 I'm sure nothing was being done correctly.

02:04:19.000 That's the problem.

02:04:20.000 Nothing was done right.

02:04:21.000 That's where I was born.

02:04:22.000 Trust me.

02:04:22.000 Yeah, me too.

02:04:23.000 Nothing was done right there.

02:04:24.000 Born and raised.

02:04:25.000 I know exactly who killed it. 1.00

02:04:26.000 And he's an idiot. 1.00

02:04:27.000 What part of New Jersey were you born in? 1.00

02:04:28.000 I was born in Passaic.

02:04:30.000 Oh, okay.

02:04:31.000 Yeah.

02:04:32.000 Yeah, New Jersey deers are probably polluted too.

02:04:35.000 There's a ton of them.

02:04:35.000 A ton.

02:04:36.000 They're really, I mean, it's really, they're everywhere.

02:04:39.000 Well, New Jersey has an interesting situation now because the new governor has decided to stop bear hunting.

02:04:45.000 Yeah.

02:04:46.000 New Jersey has the highest population of brown bear per capita in the country. 1.00

02:04:53.000 Shit. 1.00

02:04:53.000 Geez. 1.00

02:04:54.000 New Jersey does.

02:04:55.000 Which people don't, that doesn't make sense to them.

02:04:57.000 Bears?

02:04:58.000 You're like, wait a minute.

02:04:58.000 Yeah.

02:04:58.000 You say bear in New Jersey?

02:05:00.000 Yeah.

02:05:01.000 New Jersey has enormous bear populations.

02:05:04.000 Huge.

02:05:04.000 And we were talking about it over the holidays.

02:05:06.000 My sister had a... 1.00

02:05:10.000 Her dog was going crazy at this woodpile, and my sister went and put a big tarp over it.

02:05:20.000 The next day, the dog's going crazy again at the woodpile.

02:05:24.000 And she's like, why is he going so nuts?

02:05:28.000 And she goes outside to get the dog, and a big-ass bear comes out from under the tarp. 0.92

02:05:34.000 Just in New Jersey just starts like coming out.

02:05:37.000 She was so thankful that she didn't just like poke her head under there.

02:05:40.000 Well, we've played videos these two giant bears battling it out in Far Rockaway where they tackle over each other and they slam into these garbage pails and garbage goes flying.

02:05:50.000 They knock over a mailbox and they go right out into traffic and fur is flying all over the place.

02:05:56.000 It's like a drunk fur. 0.99

02:05:56.000 Yeah, they're fighting for garbage. 0.99

02:05:58.000 They fight for access to these areas where these people drop their garbage off. 0.98

02:06:03.000 Like turf.

02:06:04.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:06:04.000 And this new governor, because Chris Christie is such a slob. 0.99

02:06:09.000 People hated him so much. 0.96

02:06:11.000 Yeah.

02:06:11.000 And he was the Republican, so they hired this ultra-liberal, social justice warrior-type new governor who's decided he has this ideological opposition to the bear hunt.

02:06:24.000 Even though the bear hunt in New Jersey is really strictly controlled by wildlife biologists, they've done it to try to keep the populations healthy.

02:06:32.000 And there was also the situation that happened in Rutgers a couple years ago where a kid was killed by a bear.

02:06:37.000 Oh, really?

02:06:38.000 Yeah, one of the students.

02:06:39.000 At Rutgers?

02:06:39.000 Yeah, at Rutgers.

02:06:40.000 Yeah, sad. 0.94

02:06:41.000 One of the students was wandering through the woods with his friends, and they got fucking attacked by a bear, and a bear killed one of the kids. 0.96

02:06:47.000 Oh, my God. 0.98

02:06:48.000 Took a picture of it before it killed him, too.

02:06:49.000 This happened at the Stress Factory?

02:06:51.000 Right next door, in the parking lot.

02:06:54.000 Vinnie Brand was there.

02:06:56.000 He had the phone and everything.

02:06:58.000 He was doing phone calls to the bear's den.

02:07:03.000 Yeah, we got your daughter down here.

02:07:06.000 She's really drunk, sir.

02:07:09.000 So the wildlife biologists put a number, like, you know, the bears can be healthy and conflicts with people can be reduced if we have, you know, the bears reduced to a certain amount.

02:07:19.000 Like, it's not an issue of they're endangered.

02:07:22.000 Endangered, yeah.

02:07:23.000 They're not endangered in any way, shape, or form.

02:07:24.000 It's the opposite.

02:07:25.000 They're overabundant.

02:07:27.000 But this is a problem with people when it comes to bears, or what my friend Steve Rinella likes to call charismatic megafauna.

02:07:35.000 And that people look at animals and they anthropomorphize them and start thinking of them as being yogi and boo-boo and our little friends that live in the forest.

02:07:44.000 Right.

02:07:45.000 And they don't realize, like, no, these are animals, man.

02:07:47.000 You can't have animals that are giant predators in close proximity to human beings without monitoring and having wildlife biologists, stoic creatures, We're good to go.

02:08:17.000 Oh, really?

02:08:18.000 And they did in British Columbia because...

02:08:20.000 They're not endangered?

02:08:22.000 No.

02:08:23.000 No?

02:08:23.000 No.

02:08:23.000 There's a ton of them up there?

02:08:24.000 There's a ton of them.

02:08:24.000 Not only are they not endangered, but the people that voted on it are the people that live in Vancouver, where there are no grizzly bears.

02:08:30.000 But Vancouver, even though it's the population center of British Columbia, it's where all the people live, it's by no means representative of what most of British Columbia looks like.

02:08:42.000 Right.

02:08:42.000 Most of British Columbia's woods and forests.

02:08:44.000 Those people have to deal with fucking grizzly bears. 1.00

02:08:47.000 Like real grizzly bears. 0.99

02:08:49.000 So they said they're not allowed to hunt them at all?

02:08:50.000 They're not allowed to hunt them anymore now.

02:08:52.000 Also, it's a big part of their economy because there's a lot of these people that made a living by guiding people on these grizzly bear hunts.

02:08:59.000 Oh.

02:09:00.000 And it's going to also devastate the economy when it comes to their moose and elk hunting populations, too.

02:09:07.000 Because a lot of people went there to moose hunt, elk hunt, and deer hunt, but the bears, if the populations are going to go up, the bears are going to start eating more moose and elk and deer.

02:09:16.000 So what's their reason?

02:09:19.000 Animal rights activists have infiltrated the government and these people that are like leaning left and have sort of a delusional perception of what wildlife is.

02:09:27.000 They've decided to push these laws through that people didn't vote on by the way.

02:09:32.000 This is not like something that was a giant statewide vote and people decided to end grizzly bear hunts.

02:09:37.000 Well what's crazy about the Jersey thing is that He just got in office, and the bear problem is this year it's been a problem.

02:09:45.000 That's while you're hunting.

02:09:47.000 Well, I think that people are doing it for the right reasons.

02:09:52.000 I think they're wrong, but they're doing it for the right reasons.

02:09:55.000 They're doing it because they think that hunting is cruel.

02:09:57.000 And they're doing it because they think that these are trophy hunts and that there's no merit to it.

02:10:03.000 But what they don't understand is you're probably going to have to hire people to kill these bears anyway, which is what we do in California.

02:10:10.000 In California, mountain lion hunting was outlawed in the 1990s, but since then they've spent millions of dollars killing mountain lions every year.

02:10:18.000 Oh, really?

02:10:19.000 Not millions every year, but millions overall.

02:10:22.000 Like a crew to go get them?

02:10:23.000 Yeah, they send out professional hunters with dogs, usually, to go after problem mountain lions.

02:10:27.000 And the ones that they go after, almost all of them have pets in their stomach.

02:10:33.000 Oh, really?

02:10:33.000 That's what they eat.

02:10:35.000 Yeah, they eat dogs. 0.60

02:10:37.000 Really?

02:10:37.000 Yeah, it's a big part of their diet.

02:10:41.000 I mean, it's fucked up. 0.99

02:10:44.000 People are like, well, no, we're in their world. 0.99

02:10:47.000 Yes, but it's not their world anymore.

02:10:49.000 Just like it's not... 1.00

02:10:51.000 You know, this isn't where the fucking dinosaurs live either, stupid. 1.00

02:10:54.000 Yeah, we build homes all through here. 1.00

02:10:56.000 Shit changed. 1.00

02:10:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:10:57.000 And right now, we live here, and I'm more concerned about us than I am with the goddamn mountain lions. 1.00

02:11:02.000 And they just ate fluffy. 1.00

02:11:03.000 Mountain lions just ate fluffy, you fuck. 1.00

02:11:05.000 Are there a lot of mountain lions? 1.00

02:11:07.000 Like, is the numbers big?

02:11:08.000 California has good numbers.

02:11:10.000 Yeah.

02:11:10.000 My friend works at Tahone Ranch, and they have...

02:11:14.000 Tahone Ranch is just outside of Bakersfield, which is only about an hour and a half from here.

02:11:17.000 And they have what's called a trail camera that's posted out in front of a pond.

02:11:25.000 And out of this one pond, they got pictures of 16 different mountain lions.

02:11:30.000 Wow.

02:11:31.000 Do you ever run into them when you go up on your runs?

02:11:34.000 No.

02:11:34.000 I've seen mountain lions twice in my life.

02:11:37.000 One I saw in Colorado and one I saw in Santa Barbara.

02:11:41.000 I saw one in Montecito in a car.

02:11:43.000 I was driving.

02:11:44.000 It was driving?

02:11:44.000 Yeah.

02:11:45.000 It had tunes on.

02:11:47.000 It was listening to Miley Cyrus.

02:11:50.000 I was in the car, and I saw this thing that I thought was a coyote.

02:11:54.000 It was running across the road, and I went, oh, look at its tail!

02:11:58.000 I saw this big, thick, bouncy tail, and I'm like, oh my god, it's a cat.

02:12:02.000 And I realized there was a mountain lion.

02:12:04.000 Geez.

02:12:05.000 It was weird.

02:12:06.000 It was weird.

02:12:06.000 But I'm looking at something for a second, you know, two seconds maximum.

02:12:10.000 Right, yeah.

02:12:11.000 It was like, boom, boom, what? 1.00

02:12:12.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

02:12:13.000 It's a cat. 1.00

02:12:15.000 What do you got, Jamie?

02:12:16.000 Oh, Jesus Christ!

02:12:18.000 Wildlife camera catches uncollared mountain lion roaming the Hollywood hills.

02:12:23.000 Oh, my God!

02:12:23.000 That looks terrifying!

02:12:25.000 Look at the size of that fucker! 1.00

02:12:26.000 That is like, yeah, that's like from Africa. 1.00

02:12:29.000 And this is just a couple months ago.

02:12:31.000 It's October 31st.

02:12:32.000 That's right by Paulie Shore's house.

02:12:34.000 It is Pauly Shore.

02:12:35.000 Pauly Shore turns into that at night when no one's watching.

02:12:38.000 That's why all the lights go down.

02:12:39.000 That's why he's hardly working.

02:12:41.000 Most of the time he's just out there eating things.

02:12:43.000 That's crazy.

02:12:44.000 That's like something you'd see on safari.

02:12:46.000 That's a big one too, boy. 1.00

02:12:48.000 Look at the muscles in that fucker. 1.00

02:12:50.000 This is Halloween 2017. Yeah. 1.00

02:12:54.000 Crazy.

02:12:55.000 That is a...

02:12:56.000 Uncollared mountain life.

02:12:58.000 Yeah, that means they don't even know where this one came from.

02:13:00.000 Oh my god!

02:13:01.000 I mean, that's the Hollywood Hills.

02:13:03.000 That's like right next to people's homes.

02:13:05.000 Well, I used to take my dog to a dog park up there.

02:13:07.000 A dog park that's off of Laurel.

02:13:10.000 There's a dog park at the top of Laurel, like right when you go down, if you're coming up over Studio City, right when you go down, there's a dog park out there, if you go to the right, and one of the, they had a big sign there that said, be on the lookout for mountain lions.

02:13:22.000 If mountain lions attack you, fight back.

02:13:24.000 Oh my god. 0.99

02:13:25.000 What in the fuck am I looking at here? 0.99

02:13:27.000 Jeez. 0.99

02:13:28.000 I just want to go for a run.

02:13:29.000 I'm just here to, it's Hollywood!

02:13:31.000 I'm my dog!

02:13:33.000 I'm taking my dog to the park!

02:13:34.000 I just want to see some girls and throw the ball around. 1.00

02:13:37.000 Yeah.

02:13:39.000 And a lot of that is just because of our attitude about these animals.

02:13:43.000 And that's also why you see very few deer in California.

02:13:46.000 So there's like pros and cons, right?

02:13:49.000 The pro is you very rarely get in accidents with deer.

02:13:53.000 Right.

02:13:54.000 That's so uncommon in California.

02:13:56.000 Yeah, that's true.

02:13:57.000 And it's because of mountain lions.

02:13:58.000 I always figured they just weren't indigenous to the area.

02:14:01.000 Oh, no.

02:14:01.000 They're everywhere.

02:14:02.000 There used to be way more of them when I first moved here.

02:14:04.000 Really?

02:14:05.000 Yeah, man.

02:14:05.000 When I moved...

02:14:06.000 I moved to the Valley in 94, and I see deer all the time.

02:14:13.000 All the time.

02:14:14.000 I see them in the Hollywood Hills all the time.

02:14:15.000 I have never seen a deer here.

02:14:17.000 I saw them a couple days ago out in Thousand Oaks area.

02:14:22.000 Oh, yeah?

02:14:23.000 Yeah.

02:14:24.000 But they're very rare in California.

02:14:26.000 Yeah.

02:14:26.000 Anywhere else...

02:14:28.000 Like this, like if you're in Long Island, Long Island has a giant problem with deer.

02:14:33.000 They're everywhere.

02:14:34.000 They hire snipers to go take care of them.

02:14:36.000 They do.

02:14:37.000 They're all over New Jersey. 0.50

02:14:39.000 They're like a pest.

02:14:40.000 Everywhere.

02:14:40.000 It's like mosquitoes in a way.

02:14:41.000 And it's because they don't have any predators like mountain lions or coyotes.

02:14:45.000 Very few coyotes.

02:14:47.000 So the natural order is why we don't see them out here?

02:14:50.000 They've kind of got a point, and that point is you can let the mountain lions take care of the population, and then when the mountain lions come into a problem, when they become a problem, they can get something called a depredation permit, which a woman got in...

02:15:06.000 The Malibu Mountains, because she ran an alpaca farm, and one mountain lion killed, I think, 10 or 11 alpacas and a goat.

02:15:16.000 Oh, my God.

02:15:17.000 In one session.

02:15:18.000 In one session?

02:15:19.000 And it was the same thing as we were talking about cats, with house cats.

02:15:22.000 They just killed it.

02:15:23.000 Didn't eat it?

02:15:25.000 No.

02:15:25.000 Just had a good old time.

02:15:26.000 Oh, my God.

02:15:28.000 Alpaca pen, couldn't help himself.

02:15:30.000 Still jacking all of them.

02:15:32.000 Jeez. 0.60

02:15:33.000 When this woman got a depredation permit to kill the mountain lion, she got a ton of death threats from people. 1.00

02:15:38.000 They were saying, you fucking bitch, I'll kill you. 1.00

02:15:40.000 You touch that cat. 1.00

02:15:41.000 And then she's like, fuck this. 1.00

02:15:42.000 I'm not doing anything. 0.99

02:15:43.000 She felt very exposed.

02:15:45.000 People knew where she were.

02:15:46.000 They knew where her farm was.

02:15:48.000 Geez.

02:15:49.000 Yeah.

02:15:49.000 That's scary.

02:15:50.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:15:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:15:52.000 People get really nutty, man, when it comes to animals.

02:15:55.000 Yeah.

02:15:55.000 They get a weird, like, but it's certain animals, right?

02:15:59.000 Like, these people have this weird thing about that squirrel, and then the cat came along, killed that fucking squirrel. 1.00

02:16:05.000 Guess what, bitch? 1.00

02:16:06.000 You've been feeding that cat! 1.00

02:16:08.000 Right.

02:16:08.000 That's yours!

02:16:09.000 You made that monster! 1.00

02:16:11.000 And you let that thing roam around outside, which is just you're asking for it to kill everything it runs into. 0.99

02:16:18.000 Yeah.

02:16:18.000 Because that's what they do.

02:16:18.000 That's what they do.

02:16:19.000 Yeah.

02:16:19.000 And it's probably super charged up about it, too, because it gets to do it all the time.

02:16:23.000 And the pride in front of its family to do it for the family.

02:16:26.000 That's what they like the most.

02:16:28.000 Yeah, that cat did that in front of you because that's what he wants you to see.

02:16:32.000 Right.

02:16:32.000 Hey, look at me.

02:16:36.000 It's scary.

02:16:37.000 It is weird.

02:16:37.000 Hey, I saw the tank.

02:16:39.000 You want to try it someday?

02:16:40.000 Yeah.

02:16:40.000 When do you want to try it?

02:16:41.000 I don't know.

02:16:42.000 When can I? Well, we'll work something out.

02:16:46.000 We'll come up with a time where you can come in.

02:16:48.000 I should have had you come in early today.

02:16:49.000 You could have done it before the podcast.

02:16:51.000 Oh, really?

02:16:52.000 Yeah.

02:16:52.000 How long do you go in there?

02:16:53.000 I like to do at least an hour.

02:16:56.000 Last time I did it, just a couple days ago, I did two hours.

02:16:59.000 Just float in there for an hour?

02:17:00.000 Yeah.

02:17:01.000 Yeah, just climb in, relax.

02:17:02.000 Do you listen to music or silence?

02:17:04.000 I silent.

02:17:05.000 I do silence.

02:17:06.000 Yeah.

02:17:06.000 I like it like that, yeah.

02:17:08.000 I'd like to try it.

02:17:09.000 Yeah, we'll do it next time, for sure.

02:17:11.000 That'd be cool.

02:17:12.000 For sure.

02:17:13.000 This facility is amazing.

02:17:15.000 It's pretty crazy, right?

02:17:16.000 It's so great. 1.00

02:17:17.000 I figure, fuck it. 1.00

02:17:18.000 Why not, right? 1.00

02:17:19.000 It's so great.

02:17:20.000 To me, it was one of those things where I was like, alright, if I could just do whatever I wanted to do, what would I do?

02:17:26.000 Right.

02:17:27.000 And then I go, wait a minute.

02:17:28.000 I think I can do whatever I want to do.

02:17:30.000 Like, I should just do it.

02:17:32.000 It's really great.

02:17:33.000 Jamie sold me a gym membership.

02:17:34.000 I'm going to start working at it.

02:17:36.000 Oh, I didn't know.

02:17:36.000 Did you get a key fob?

02:17:39.000 The gym equipment actually comes this week.

02:17:42.000 It's insane.

02:17:44.000 It's like a gym.

02:17:49.000 Can I have an apartment?

02:17:51.000 Well, it'll be a real gym next week because Rogue Athletics is outfitting it like a real gym.

02:17:58.000 There's going to be a rowing machine.

02:17:59.000 There's going to be an Airdyne bike. 0.95

02:18:02.000 There's going to be a squat cage and a full range of kettlebells and fucking steel plates and all that jazz. 0.98

02:18:10.000 Oh, man. 0.98

02:18:10.000 They're doing the whole thing? 0.98

02:18:12.000 Fuck it. 1.00

02:18:14.000 Look at this. 1.00

02:18:15.000 This is awesome.

02:18:17.000 Well, you can go to the gym and get annoyed, or you could just work out here.

02:18:21.000 Why not?

02:18:22.000 Yeah.

02:18:22.000 Just come on by.

02:18:24.000 What's the sauna?

02:18:26.000 Could you put the sauna in a house?

02:18:28.000 Yes.

02:18:28.000 You could?

02:18:29.000 For sure.

02:18:30.000 Yeah, if you have the room for it.

02:18:31.000 And they have varying sizes of saunas.

02:18:33.000 That's a pretty big one.

02:18:34.000 Yeah, that is pretty big.

02:18:34.000 Quite honestly, that one's too big for me.

02:18:36.000 I mean, I've only gone in by myself.

02:18:38.000 Yeah.

02:18:39.000 But you could have a couple people in there in that one.

02:18:41.000 So the idea of that one was, what was that room?

02:18:44.000 Was it like a closet before that we turned into a sauna?

02:18:47.000 Yeah.

02:18:48.000 Yeah, right?

02:18:49.000 Yeah.

02:18:51.000 We just decided, like, this is a spot, like, that wide.

02:18:55.000 Yeah.

02:18:55.000 Okay, put it there.

02:18:57.000 Can you get one that size?

02:18:58.000 Oh, really?

02:18:58.000 And apparently they make them all sorts of different sizes.

02:19:01.000 Oh, they do?

02:19:01.000 Yeah.

02:19:02.000 And it fit perfect.

02:19:04.000 Dude.

02:19:04.000 Here's the thing.

02:19:05.000 I've been dealing with tendinitis in my elbow, and it's really been kind of annoying.

02:19:12.000 Tendinitis is a weird one, man.

02:19:13.000 Have you ever gotten it before?

02:19:15.000 No.

02:19:15.000 I have what they call golfer's elbow.

02:19:18.000 It's the inside where tennis elbow is the outside. 0.98

02:19:22.000 It's been annoying me for a few months now, and it comes from overdoing chin-ups.

02:19:27.000 I was doing too many chin-ups.

02:19:29.000 Oh, really?

02:19:29.000 And I was being a meathead, where I was just pushing through.

02:19:33.000 It would start to annoy me, and I would just keep going.

02:19:37.000 Right, yeah.

02:19:38.000 But one session in the sauna significantly reduced...

02:19:43.000 Like, the pain in it.

02:19:45.000 And then the second session did the same thing.

02:19:47.000 And then I did it again yesterday, and I'm like, I barely feel that tendonitis now.

02:19:53.000 For real?

02:19:54.000 Yeah.

02:19:54.000 So just getting the inflammation out?

02:19:56.000 Yeah, I think it just has an overall effect on inflammation throughout your whole body.

02:20:03.000 That's pretty cool.

02:20:04.000 Yeah.

02:20:04.000 You got a spare set of underwear?

02:20:05.000 You can climb in today.

02:20:06.000 I'm going in right after the show.

02:20:08.000 No!

02:20:13.000 What is this one, Jay?

02:20:15.000 It's like a personal infrared.

02:20:17.000 These are like probably $1,500 I think or less.

02:20:19.000 Oh really?

02:20:20.000 You just throw it in your house.

02:20:23.000 And they also make them where you lie down in them. 0.97

02:20:27.000 That's ridiculous.

02:20:28.000 They have one where you lie down in it like a suit. 0.95

02:20:32.000 And you zip it up, up to your neck.

02:20:34.000 Like, see that one with the blue down there, where that lady's lying down? 1.00

02:20:37.000 Let's keep going.

02:20:37.000 Uh-huh.

02:20:37.000 Scroll down, scroll down.

02:20:39.000 That one with the blue.

02:20:40.000 Your cursor's right...

02:20:41.000 Yeah.

02:20:42.000 That. 0.98

02:20:42.000 That's ridiculous. 0.98

02:20:43.000 Yeah. 0.96

02:20:44.000 You climb in.

02:20:44.000 That's like the old...

02:20:45.000 That's like the old Brady Bunch kind of thing.

02:20:47.000 Yeah, but it heats up your body, and it's apparently really good for you.

02:20:50.000 Really?

02:20:52.000 You look like... 0.55

02:20:52.000 She looks like the blueberry in Willy Wonka. 0.55

02:20:54.000 That's her pussy. 1.00

02:20:55.000 Her pussy is... 1.00

02:20:56.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

02:20:57.000 It's on fire.

02:21:00.000 She's on fire.

02:21:03.000 It looks...

02:21:04.000 I like a nice sauna.

02:21:06.000 It's great.

02:21:07.000 Hot.

02:21:07.000 I don't like the steam so much.

02:21:09.000 I think there's benefits to steam too, but the real benefit of the sauna is the fact that you can get to 176 degrees in the dry heat.

02:21:17.000 Yeah.

02:21:17.000 Your body can tolerate it.

02:21:19.000 But if you got to 176 degrees in steam, your fucking nipples would burn on fire. 1.00

02:21:24.000 Right? 1.00

02:21:25.000 You'd feel the wet.

02:21:26.000 Yeah.

02:21:26.000 You'd basically be poaching yourself.

02:21:29.000 Right.

02:21:29.000 My friend really believes in the steam.

02:21:32.000 He's a big drinker, and he steams every morning, and it just all comes out of him.

02:21:37.000 Comes out of him.

02:21:37.000 Yeah, it's how I feel.

02:21:38.000 Please.

02:21:39.000 He's dying.

02:21:42.000 Those big drinkers, they all have different ways of managing the big drinking.

02:21:47.000 Yeah.

02:21:48.000 You just got to steam it out.

02:21:50.000 I'm alright.

02:21:50.000 I think sauna would probably help more if he could figure out a way to not...

02:21:54.000 I mean, I think he's probably getting some benefit from being in the steam.

02:21:58.000 Yeah.

02:21:58.000 But I bet sauna would be even better for him.

02:22:00.000 Yeah.

02:22:00.000 And it's, again, the same thing, reducing the inflammation.

02:22:02.000 Yeah.

02:22:03.000 I'd like to be less puffy from inflammation.

02:22:06.000 Russians love it.

02:22:07.000 Five-time champion Timo Koukonen had become adept at enduring the tournament's 110 degrees Celsius, 230 Fahrenheit heat, lasting over 16 minutes in 2003. But he died,

02:22:22.000 didn't he?

02:22:23.000 The next guy died.

02:22:24.000 The guy he was competing against.

02:22:25.000 Wow.

02:22:26.000 This is a competition, right?

02:22:27.000 Yeah.

02:22:27.000 World Sauna Championships.

02:22:29.000 Oh, my God.

02:22:29.000 Woo!

02:22:30.000 What the fuck is wrong with people? 0.99

02:22:32.000 Yeah, come on. 0.99

02:22:33.000 I'm the very best at cooking myself, but not dying.

02:22:38.000 16 minutes.

02:22:39.000 That's not long.

02:22:40.000 230 degrees.

02:22:41.000 Let me tell you something, man.

02:22:42.000 I was at 210 degrees. 0.96

02:22:44.000 I can't even fucking imagine someone going 20 degrees hotter than that. 0.97

02:22:48.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:22:49.000 Like, my nipples were hurting. 0.71

02:22:50.000 And I was like, why are my nipples so hard?

02:22:52.000 Why are they so sore? 0.53

02:22:53.000 Why did you do that?

02:22:55.000 I cranked it up, and then I came in here to do my ads.

02:22:58.000 And when I did the ads, I left it on too long.

02:23:01.000 It just got super hot.

02:23:03.000 It says that this one guy goes in for bursts of 130 to 140 degrees Celsius.

02:23:08.000 I just looked that up.

02:23:09.000 That's 284 degrees Fahrenheit.

02:23:12.000 Four-minute bursts.

02:23:13.000 Oh, my God.

02:23:14.000 280 degrees?

02:23:16.000 Yeah.

02:23:17.000 Four minute bursts.

02:23:18.000 So he's essentially doing like the opposite of the cryogenic chamber.

02:23:23.000 Right, it says you can get what's called hyperthermia if you do this in a bad way.

02:23:27.000 Look at this.

02:23:28.000 Heavy bathers in favor of the hottest temperatures always wear felt caps and slippers because the wooden surfaces tend to get very hot. 1.00

02:23:37.000 Oh my god.

02:23:38.000 That sounds adorable.

02:23:40.000 I cook things.

02:23:41.000 A felt cap and slippers, they're going in like Robin Hood.

02:23:44.000 But dude, I cook things at 250. Yeah.

02:23:48.000 All the time.

02:23:49.000 No, yeah.

02:23:50.000 A lot of times when you cook like a potato, 150, pull it out of the oven.

02:23:55.000 I cook an elk steak.

02:23:57.000 I'll cook it at 250, and I put an internal thermometer in, and when it gets to 125 degrees, then I pull it, and I jack the temperature up, and I sear the outside.

02:24:06.000 It's time to eat.

02:24:07.000 320!

02:24:07.000 It says 160 Fahrenheit is 320 for short spells.

02:24:11.000 320 degrees!

02:24:14.000 So these people aren't, this is a whole nother psychosis.

02:24:17.000 This isn't about inflammation.

02:24:19.000 But isn't that just what people do?

02:24:21.000 Always.

02:24:22.000 You can't just leave it.

02:24:24.000 You can't just leave it.

02:24:26.000 You can't leave it alone.

02:24:27.000 We had a good thing going.

02:24:29.000 People that tattoo their eyeballs.

02:24:30.000 Yeah, why?

02:24:31.000 Oh, it wasn't good enough to write you only live once in your forehead. 0.99

02:24:35.000 You have to tattoo your eyeballs black. 0.98

02:24:37.000 He couldn't stop. 0.67

02:24:39.000 Yeah, you have to be like Toad from X-Men.

02:24:41.000 Why do you have to do that?

02:24:42.000 Why are you putting things on your eyeballs?

02:24:44.000 No one wants you to do that.

02:24:45.000 But people can't help it.

02:24:47.000 They can't leave things alone.

02:24:49.000 If they get one piercing in their face, they want to get cheek piercings and nose piercings.

02:24:54.000 Look at this. 1.00

02:24:55.000 Guy got his fucking eyeballs turned blue. 1.00

02:24:58.000 Like, you remember when you were a kid? 1.00

02:24:59.000 No one had their face tattooed.

02:25:01.000 Nobody!

02:25:01.000 No one.

02:25:02.000 And now, look at this, another one.

02:25:04.000 Yeah.

02:25:04.000 Full eyeball tattoo.

02:25:06.000 Soulless, it says.

02:25:07.000 Oh my god. 0.98

02:25:07.000 Oh yeah, you're soulless, bro. 0.98

02:25:09.000 Hey bro, you're soulless. 0.96

02:25:11.000 You got an umbrella like Mary Poppins on your cheek. 1.00

02:25:13.000 You stupid fuck. 1.00

02:25:14.000 He's got an umbrella on his cheek. 1.00

02:25:16.000 And what is that, a microphone over the top?

02:25:19.000 Is it a microphone or a razor blade?

02:25:21.000 What do you do when your kids start asking to do it?

02:25:24.000 Tattoos on their face?

02:25:25.000 Anywhere.

02:25:27.000 They say they want to be pierced, do they want to...

02:25:29.000 I have two full sleeves. 0.88

02:25:33.000 I would be a massive hypocrite if I told them not to get tattoos.

02:25:36.000 But I would definitely tell them, you really should think about the fact that you're going to keep the skin for the rest of your life. 0.53

02:25:43.000 If you want to get a tattoo, it should mean something.

02:25:47.000 Don't get anything done that's cheap.

02:25:49.000 Go to a real artist.

02:25:51.000 Think about it.

02:25:52.000 Yeah.

02:25:53.000 You know?

02:25:55.000 Yeah, you can't control them, I guess.

02:25:57.000 No.

02:25:58.000 I don't think...

02:25:58.000 Not only do I think you can't control them, but I think if you try to control them, you're going to do the opposite.

02:26:03.000 Nose piercing?

02:26:04.000 Nose piercing seems easy.

02:26:06.000 You get it taken out, you put it back in, it's no big deal.

02:26:11.000 Yeah.

02:26:11.000 I would rather nose piercing than a forehead tattoo.

02:26:13.000 But they're so beautiful and pure!

02:26:15.000 Living la vida loca.

02:26:17.000 Right on your forehead.

02:26:20.000 Yeah, I think...

02:26:22.000 My young one was like...

02:26:24.000 I like a little nose, like the little dot in the nose kind of thing.

02:26:28.000 I was like...

02:26:29.000 Could be worse things in this life than that.

02:26:30.000 I know.

02:26:31.000 It doesn't really make me that angry, but she's so perfect.

02:26:35.000 Perfect.

02:26:35.000 I get it.

02:26:36.000 Oh, don't do that.

02:26:37.000 People like decorating themselves, though.

02:26:39.000 Then we were buying something.

02:26:42.000 This was when we were in New York, and we were just walking around, and then I was buying something, and the woman at the register was...

02:26:48.000 Tons of piercings on her nose and her ears and, like, you know, like... 1.00

02:26:53.000 50 on her ear.

02:26:55.000 And I said, I said, did the nose one, did your nose piercing hurt?

02:26:59.000 This is right off our conversation.

02:27:01.000 Oh, yes, it really did hurt.

02:27:03.000 It was so painful, and they had to do it twice, and then it got infected, and it was just a terrible thing.

02:27:07.000 I got staph and gangrene, and this isn't even my nose anymore.

02:27:11.000 I'm looking at my daughter like, see?

02:27:14.000 See what could happen?

02:27:15.000 She's like, I still want it.

02:27:16.000 No, you can't stop them.

02:27:18.000 People like decorating themselves.

02:27:20.000 I know.

02:27:20.000 It's a weird thing.

02:27:21.000 I have a bad one.

02:27:22.000 I have three.

02:27:24.000 I have a really bad one on my leg.

02:27:25.000 What is it?

02:27:26.000 It's a wizard.

02:27:29.000 Is it?

02:27:30.000 Yeah.

02:27:30.000 You want to see it?

02:27:31.000 Yeah.

02:27:31.000 I'll show you.

02:27:32.000 This is my first tattoo.

02:27:33.000 Who made it?

02:27:33.000 It was a guy in New Jersey.

02:27:35.000 I just picked it off the wall.

02:27:39.000 That one's rough.

02:27:41.000 Has it got a candy cane in his hand?

02:27:43.000 Well, the original one on the wall, he was watering a pot plant.

02:27:46.000 Hold on, let me get a picture.

02:27:48.000 He was watering a pot plant.

02:27:50.000 And I was like, I can't do that.

02:27:51.000 That's reckless.

02:27:52.000 Hold on a second.

02:27:54.000 You know what's really funny?

02:27:55.000 Pull the microphone down so I can see your face here.

02:27:58.000 All right.

02:27:59.000 Here we go.

02:28:00.000 Look at me, buddy.

02:28:05.000 You know what's really funny?

02:28:07.000 What?

02:28:08.000 So when we did this show for your buddy that helps the Congo Pygmies? 1.00

02:28:13.000 Justin.

02:28:13.000 Justin Wren.

02:28:14.000 Justin on the back of his book.

02:28:16.000 It's exactly my tattoo.

02:28:18.000 He's got that?

02:28:19.000 Him in a hat with his beard.

02:28:23.000 It all comes full circle.

02:28:25.000 I showed it to him that night when we did the show.

02:28:27.000 Did you freak out?

02:28:28.000 Yeah.

02:28:29.000 He just sent me a text saying he's going to climb Mount Kilimanjaro.

02:28:33.000 Oh my god.

02:28:34.000 Yeah.

02:28:35.000 I liked meeting that guy.

02:28:36.000 That was great.

02:28:37.000 That was the best part.

02:28:38.000 Oh, he's the best.

02:28:39.000 Isn't he one of the nicest guys of all time?

02:28:41.000 Love that guy.

02:28:42.000 I can't help but do things for him.

02:28:44.000 Oh my god.

02:28:44.000 He's just a gem of a human being.

02:28:48.000 I just wanted to hang with him all night.

02:28:50.000 From this podcast, we've built more than 20 different wells in the Congo.

02:28:56.000 Wow.

02:28:56.000 They've built hundreds of wells there now.

02:28:58.000 It's amazing.

02:28:59.000 Just because of this podcast alone, more than 20 wells were built there.

02:29:02.000 Awesome.

02:29:03.000 He was such a good guy.

02:29:05.000 Just one of those people instantly just kind of...

02:29:08.000 You could tell.

02:29:09.000 Yeah.

02:29:09.000 He's a saint.

02:29:12.000 Legitimately like a saint.

02:29:13.000 Yeah.

02:29:14.000 His book is pretty great. 1.00

02:29:15.000 And he's a fucking cage fighter. 1.00

02:29:17.000 I know. 1.00

02:29:19.000 How does that even make sense?

02:29:22.000 Couldn't be a nice guy.

02:29:24.000 No.

02:29:25.000 He was really cool.

02:29:26.000 I wish I had a picture of the book. 0.90

02:29:28.000 It literally is my shitty tattoo is him. 0.95

02:29:31.000 How many other ones you got? 0.98

02:29:32.000 I've got two more.

02:29:34.000 We've got one up here and one up here.

02:29:36.000 Those are good.

02:29:37.000 This was like a shitty spot for it too. 0.99

02:29:40.000 It was kind of like a coward wave on your calf. 0.99

02:29:43.000 It's just like... 0.86

02:29:44.000 There he is.

02:29:45.000 That's a picture!

02:29:47.000 That's my tattoo!

02:29:48.000 He's holding the thing.

02:29:49.000 Yeah, he's got a spear that he got from the pygmies and he's wearing a hat that they made out of leaves. 1.00

02:29:55.000 Justin looks like my shitty tattoo. 0.96

02:29:57.000 What's on your shoulders? 0.98

02:29:59.000 My wife's name is on here and over here is like this son with this quote from Walt Whitman on it.

02:30:08.000 These are the days that must happen to you.

02:30:13.000 From Ode to the Song of the Open Road by Walt Whitman.

02:30:16.000 These are the days that must happen to you.

02:30:18.000 These are the days that must happen to you.

02:30:22.000 You shall not gather riches you'll scatter with a lavish hand all that you earn and achieve.

02:30:29.000 You shall not settle in one place but will leave.

02:30:34.000 But we'll leave to the silent leers and laughing of those you leave behind.

02:30:43.000 Basically, go out.

02:30:44.000 These are the days that must happen to you.

02:30:46.000 Be fearless.

02:30:47.000 Go.

02:30:48.000 Just go.

02:30:48.000 Go.

02:30:48.000 Be fearless.

02:30:49.000 Don't stay in the harbor.

02:30:50.000 Don't stay in one place.

02:30:51.000 Don't stay in the harbor.

02:30:52.000 Go.

02:30:53.000 Do you keep touch with friends from back home?

02:30:56.000 Yeah.

02:30:57.000 I've got a real tight group from grade school, high school.

02:31:01.000 Do some of them not...

02:31:04.000 Leave, not go anywhere, and you're around them and you get to see what that's like?

02:31:10.000 A little bit, yeah.

02:31:11.000 That's a weird way of living.

02:31:12.000 Yeah.

02:31:13.000 It is a weird way of living.

02:31:15.000 And I get nostalgic sometimes because I go back to that same place, you know, where I was a kid.

02:31:22.000 And...

02:31:23.000 On the one hand, it seems like, you know, you could have made that choice.

02:31:27.000 You could stay and...

02:31:28.000 Easy.

02:31:28.000 Just stay there and be at the same spot and do the same thing.

02:31:32.000 And there's something very appealing and calm about it.

02:31:36.000 But it wasn't my nature.

02:31:38.000 I couldn't do it.

02:31:39.000 Yeah, there's always something appealing about something that other people are doing, though, isn't it?

02:31:43.000 Yeah, for sure. 0.92

02:31:44.000 Like, you think about your own situations and the weirdness of your own existence, and you go, ah, wouldn't it be great if I was just a fucking cabinet maker in Belgium? 0.96

02:31:53.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.93

02:31:54.000 That guy looks so happy.

02:31:56.000 He has his coffee in the morning, he just makes his cabinets.

02:31:58.000 He goes to the same cafe every evening and has a beer.

02:32:01.000 Yeah, and he's in bed at nine.

02:32:02.000 Perfect.

02:32:03.000 Him and his dog.

02:32:04.000 Perfect.

02:32:04.000 Sitting at the bar.

02:32:05.000 I love his cabinets.

02:32:07.000 Yeah, and he's like, oh, this is hell.

02:32:10.000 I wish I was telling jokes.

02:32:13.000 Traveling around the world.

02:32:14.000 You know, since I started baking this bread when I'm on the road, I'll go see these bakers.

02:32:18.000 Like, if there's someone really good in a town that I'm in and just go talk to them.

02:32:22.000 That's crazy.

02:32:23.000 So bakers is like if you were a martial artist, you'd go train with somebody.

02:32:27.000 Yeah.

02:32:28.000 I go and check out how they make their bread and see what they're doing.

02:32:32.000 So they let you in?

02:32:32.000 Yeah.

02:32:33.000 You go, hey, I'm Tom Papa.

02:32:34.000 I make a little sourdough.

02:32:35.000 Yeah, like, hey, you know, I'll tweet out that I'm going to come and then they'll bring me back.

02:32:41.000 And yeah, it's great.

02:32:42.000 So how do you find the good bakers in town?

02:32:45.000 Is there a website that you go to?

02:32:46.000 No, you just like, you know, through Instagram and stuff, you start to see the ones that you really like and who they follow.

02:32:52.000 And you just start to see, like, who's doing the same kind of a thing, you know.

02:32:56.000 Because it's a very natural way of doing it, so it's not just like a big commercial bakery that's just cranking stuff out.

02:33:04.000 There's people that are real artists that are doing this stuff all around the country, all around the world.

02:33:09.000 But it's funny because I'll come in and be all bright-eyed and This is amazing.

02:33:15.000 So you're a baker and you just come in here and bake this stuff.

02:33:19.000 I mean, how great is it that you feed the community and everyone really loves what you do and you put your heart and soul into it and they look at you like, I'm up at 2 o'clock every day.

02:33:29.000 So I'm in a living hell.

02:33:31.000 I have flour in my eyelashes.

02:33:33.000 Right.

02:33:35.000 I can't stay up past eight.

02:33:37.000 You know what I mean?

02:33:38.000 It is.

02:33:39.000 It's always the other thing.

02:33:41.000 Yeah, well, they have to get up early, right?

02:33:43.000 Yeah, man, because you walk in and want a sticky bun on your way to work.

02:33:48.000 At 7 o'clock?

02:33:49.000 Someone was up making that at 4. So it could be ready for you at 7. There's no way around that.

02:33:56.000 There's no way around that. 1.00

02:33:57.000 Someone has to make that shit. 1.00

02:33:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:33:59.000 Those bagels?

02:34:00.000 Someone's in there cranking that out in the middle of the night.

02:34:02.000 There's a good little bakery down the street from here, in fact, that I don't... 1.00

02:34:09.000 I don't like to eat sweets very often, but they have these fucking chocolate croissants that are so ridiculous. 0.99

02:34:19.000 The pastry part is so buttery and flaky, and then the chocolate part is so rich. 0.99

02:34:26.000 So good. 1.00

02:34:27.000 I can't get coffee there, because if I get coffee there, I will get one of those fucking things, and I'll feel like shit. 1.00

02:34:34.000 I know. 0.99

02:34:34.000 An hour later, you're just like, what happened to me? 0.99

02:34:39.000 But while you're eating it, it's heaven.

02:34:41.000 It's just a rich chewiness.

02:34:44.000 There's a combination of the flaky, buttery pastry and the richness of the chocolate and the sweetness.

02:34:51.000 And then you're drinking your coffee at the same time.

02:34:53.000 You're like, this is perfect.

02:34:54.000 I don't need anything but this. 1.00

02:34:56.000 Fuck diabetes. 1.00

02:34:58.000 I'm not worried about diabetes. 1.00

02:34:59.000 I'm worried about life!

02:35:00.000 I want to live!

02:35:01.000 Yeah, that's living, man.

02:35:03.000 It is the good stuff.

02:35:05.000 It's not bad, man.

02:35:06.000 It's just, it's not good for you.

02:35:08.000 It's not good.

02:35:09.000 Anything in excess, right?

02:35:10.000 You know what I found, though?

02:35:11.000 A little treat once in a while.

02:35:12.000 Can I tell you something I found?

02:35:13.000 Yeah.

02:35:13.000 There's a company called No Foods, K-N-O-W, and they make waffles, chocolate chip waffles, and they make syrup.

02:35:23.000 With low glycemic index, very little sugar in the waffle, very little sugar, and it tastes good.

02:35:31.000 What do you mean?

02:35:31.000 They come pre-made?

02:35:32.000 Yeah.

02:35:34.000 And you put them in the toaster, they're frozen.

02:35:36.000 Like an Eggo kind of a thing?

02:35:37.000 Yeah, but they don't last very long, so you have to eat them.

02:35:40.000 You have to thaw them out and cook them pretty quickly.

02:35:43.000 Ooh, that looks good.

02:35:43.000 8 grams of fiber, 12 grams of protein, 4 grams net carbs.

02:35:47.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:35:48.000 Come on, son.

02:35:49.000 4 grams? 1.00

02:35:49.000 That's right, bitch. 1.00

02:35:50.000 And I'm putting butter on those motherfuckers. 1.00

02:35:53.000 No way! 1.00

02:35:54.000 And then they have their own syrup.

02:35:55.000 No way!

02:35:56.000 Their own syrup is very little as well.

02:35:58.000 Oh, that looks perfect.

02:35:59.000 Dude, I'm telling you, they got it nailed.

02:36:01.000 Who are these people?

02:36:02.000 Smart people that are healthy that figured out a way to make, look at that.

02:36:05.000 Wow.

02:36:06.000 You can eat that.

02:36:07.000 I had that yesterday.

02:36:08.000 Felt great.

02:36:08.000 Worked out afterwards.

02:36:09.000 Felt like a fucking champ. 0.98

02:36:11.000 Didn't feel shitty at all. 0.99

02:36:12.000 Like, look at that.

02:36:12.000 You feel like, there's no way I can eat that.

02:36:14.000 There's no way!

02:36:15.000 Do you gotta get them online?

02:36:16.000 Or do you get them in a store?

02:36:18.000 I ordered them online.

02:36:20.000 Yeah?

02:36:20.000 Yeah.

02:36:21.000 And then they're very nice.

02:36:23.000 They found out that I like them. 1.00

02:36:25.000 They sent me a box of shit. 1.00

02:36:26.000 What a treat! 1.00

02:36:27.000 We have some of their cookies here, too.

02:36:29.000 Try one of their cookies before you leave.

02:36:30.000 Tom Papa needs some of those.

02:36:32.000 Yeah, man.

02:36:32.000 There's some stuff that you can eat that people have figured out how to do.

02:36:36.000 Those are the stores, places where they sell them.

02:36:38.000 Oh, wow.

02:36:38.000 There's a bunch of places where people have figured out how to make food that tastes really good that doesn't fuck you up.

02:36:44.000 Yes, of course.

02:36:45.000 But let's be honest.

02:36:46.000 Let's be honest.

02:36:46.000 The United States of America!

02:36:48.000 Let's be honest.

02:36:49.000 Yes.

02:36:49.000 Doesn't taste as good as that chocolate croissant.

02:36:51.000 Well, no.

02:36:52.000 It just doesn't.

02:36:53.000 Well, no. 0.58

02:36:53.000 It tastes damn good. 0.58

02:36:55.000 But you could have that four times a week, probably. 0.53

02:36:58.000 Yeah.

02:36:58.000 You could have it every day.

02:36:59.000 But there's something about knowing that you're eating shit. 1.00

02:37:03.000 And you're like, I don't care! 1.00

02:37:04.000 No.

02:37:06.000 It's part of the thrill.

02:37:08.000 The thrill, the joy during the holidays.

02:37:10.000 Oh, yeah.

02:37:11.000 When we had Christmas cookies on the counter for like two straight weeks.

02:37:15.000 Just walking through, eating them like chips.

02:37:16.000 Like, I don't care.

02:37:18.000 It's Christmas cookie time.

02:37:20.000 That's heaven.

02:37:21.000 You know what I had the other night?

02:37:22.000 It's a good time.

02:37:22.000 I had pumpkin pie with Cool Whip.

02:37:25.000 Pumpkin pie with Cool Whip.

02:37:26.000 No one's even pretending Cool Whip's good for you.

02:37:30.000 No!

02:37:31.000 It's not even whipped cream. 0.98

02:37:33.000 No one even knows what the fuck Cool Whip's made out of. 0.94

02:37:35.000 They're not even pretending it's a food. 0.99

02:37:37.000 It's just like some weird fucking thick stuff that's white. 0.99

02:37:42.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:37:43.000 Oh, that's good.

02:37:44.000 Where'd the pumpkin pie come from?

02:37:46.000 I don't even know.

02:37:46.000 I didn't even ask.

02:37:47.000 It was at my mother-in-law's house.

02:37:48.000 Oh, man. 1.00

02:37:49.000 I didn't even ask a goddamn question. 1.00

02:37:51.000 I just wolfed that fucker down. 1.00

02:37:53.000 There's something about warm pumpkin pie, too. 1.00

02:37:56.000 Oh, my God.

02:37:57.000 It's so good.

02:37:58.000 Pumpkin pies.

02:37:59.000 So I fasted yesterday.

02:38:01.000 I didn't eat anything, really.

02:38:02.000 The whole day?

02:38:03.000 Yeah.

02:38:03.000 I had a little broccoli.

02:38:04.000 I had some water.

02:38:05.000 Coffee?

02:38:06.000 Coffee.

02:38:07.000 Yeah.

02:38:07.000 I had probably four cups of coffee.

02:38:10.000 And I didn't feel bad.

02:38:12.000 I felt pretty good.

02:38:14.000 When I woke up this morning, I was starving.

02:38:16.000 Yeah.

02:38:16.000 Well, once your body, if you can figure out how to do it for 45 hours, 48 hours, your body will kick into a state of burning fat.

02:38:26.000 Body will kick into a state of ketosis.

02:38:28.000 48 hours straight?

02:38:30.000 Yeah.

02:38:30.000 It depends on the person.

02:38:32.000 Some people it's quicker, depending on if you're fat adapted, it's even quicker than that.

02:38:36.000 But I know when I'm in that state because my appetite kind of goes away.

02:38:40.000 Yeah, that's what was weird.

02:38:42.000 I was like, why aren't I starving right now?

02:38:44.000 Yeah.

02:38:45.000 That's one good thing about when I was sick the last few days.

02:38:48.000 I hardly ate anything.

02:38:50.000 Yeah.

02:38:50.000 I looked really sexy.

02:38:51.000 I was looking slim.

02:38:53.000 Look at myself in the mirror. 0.99

02:38:54.000 I'm like, damn. 1.00

02:38:54.000 Snot coming down. 1.00

02:38:55.000 I'm looking ripped.

02:38:56.000 I'm gaunt.

02:38:57.000 My cheeks are sucked in. 0.76

02:38:59.000 My eyeballs are dark.

02:39:00.000 You can't breathe.

02:39:02.000 I'm getting thin. 1.00

02:39:04.000 Sucks. 0.98

02:39:05.000 It's funny. 1.00

02:39:06.000 There's something that girls do that guys never do. 0.58

02:39:08.000 They do this pose where they look at you like this.

02:39:11.000 Yeah.

02:39:12.000 Photos.

02:39:12.000 I know.

02:39:13.000 They like have their butt facing you. 1.00

02:39:15.000 Here's my ass. 1.00

02:39:15.000 Yeah, my ass and my face. 1.00

02:39:17.000 When did that start happening? 1.00

02:39:18.000 At the same time. 0.98

02:39:19.000 There was no photos like that from the fucking 70s and the 80s. 0.97

02:39:22.000 People just looked at you. 0.98

02:39:23.000 We weren't wasting...

02:39:24.000 With no film, they had a chance to come up with that.

02:39:28.000 Children. 1.00

02:39:29.000 Fucking grown-ass children. 1.00

02:39:31.000 Look at my ass. 1.00

02:39:32.000 Yeah, something about turning sideways. 1.00

02:39:34.000 I know, it's so creepy. 0.98

02:39:35.000 Turning sideways and showing their butt and looking over their shoulder. 0.97

02:39:38.000 Like, hold on. 0.95

02:39:38.000 You know you're taking a picture, right? 0.95

02:39:40.000 Right. 1.00

02:39:41.000 And you chose to stand in some super illogical way where your ass is facing the camera, not your face. 1.00

02:39:49.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:39:49.000 Like, you're looking over your shoulder. 0.99

02:39:51.000 This is how you chose to take a picture.

02:39:54.000 This is so crazy!

02:39:55.000 It is completely insane.

02:39:57.000 But it's super common!

02:39:59.000 Yeah, kids do it. 1.00

02:40:02.000 Kids pose that way.

02:40:03.000 Like this gal.

02:40:03.000 Look at that.

02:40:04.000 That's common.

02:40:05.000 Yeah.

02:40:06.000 Oh, 11 simple poses that will make you look more attractive.

02:40:10.000 Oh, that's good.

02:40:10.000 Click on that link, please.

02:40:11.000 I need to learn these.

02:40:13.000 Yeah, I need this.

02:40:13.000 I want to look more attractive.

02:40:15.000 I do, too.

02:40:15.000 Here we go.

02:40:16.000 Turn your torso or the body from the waist instead of turning your neck.

02:40:21.000 I turn my neck.

02:40:23.000 I look at you like this.

02:40:24.000 I stand.

02:40:24.000 This is how I look.

02:40:26.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:40:27.000 Like that?

02:40:27.000 That's so sexy.

02:40:29.000 Stunning.

02:40:30.000 I like to just turn my neck.

02:40:31.000 And I do it quick, too, like this. 1.00

02:40:33.000 I just saw some shit. 0.98

02:40:34.000 I'm definitely turning my torso. 1.00

02:40:36.000 Don't stand straight.

02:40:37.000 No.

02:40:37.000 Create some space in your posture by keeping your hand...

02:40:40.000 On your waist.

02:40:42.000 On your waist.

02:40:43.000 Oh, yeah.

02:40:44.000 Etcetera.

02:40:44.000 Oh.

02:40:45.000 Look how skinny she looks. 1.00

02:40:46.000 Interesting.

02:40:47.000 I think the girl on the right looks great. 0.54

02:40:49.000 That's a good one.

02:40:50.000 I won't find an issue with that.

02:40:51.000 Okay.

02:40:52.000 Fingers should be properly visible when you place your hands on the waist.

02:40:57.000 Oh.

02:40:57.000 Don't hide your hands.

02:40:58.000 Show your hands.

02:40:59.000 Hmm.

02:41:00.000 Does that make you look better?

02:41:02.000 No. 1.00

02:41:03.000 The girl on the left just looks fucking better, stupid. 1.00

02:41:07.000 That girl on the left is hot as the sun. 1.00

02:41:09.000 Nobody gives a fuck if she even has hands. 1.00

02:41:12.000 Cross your legs or standing in a way that will make them look angular and create space in the posture of the lower body. 0.99

02:41:21.000 That girl needs a sandwich. 1.00

02:41:24.000 I'm not into that.

02:41:25.000 Always lean towards the camera instead of away from it.

02:41:28.000 Yeah, that's what I do.

02:41:29.000 I lean towards the camera.

02:41:30.000 Like, hello.

02:41:31.000 I think I'm like this. 0.99

02:41:33.000 This is like fucking rules. 0.99

02:41:37.000 They work. 0.99

02:41:38.000 Keep your arms away from your body when your arm is properly visible in the photo.

02:41:42.000 What?

02:41:43.000 Keep it not like this, but like this.

02:41:45.000 You don't want a terrible website.

02:41:47.000 Like this.

02:41:48.000 You say it's terrible.

02:41:50.000 I'm getting great advice. 1.00

02:41:51.000 You fuck off, Jamie. 1.00

02:41:53.000 We're going to look amazing. 1.00

02:41:55.000 How about when you take selfies?

02:41:57.000 I can't get a good selfie.

02:41:58.000 Life depends on it.

02:42:00.000 Look at this.

02:42:00.000 Tilt your head forward a bit to look sharp and slimmer.

02:42:05.000 That's true.

02:42:06.000 I want to look sharp.

02:42:07.000 Dude, how about sharp?

02:42:08.000 I want to look sharp.

02:42:10.000 How about this? 1.00

02:42:10.000 Now just show me your ass at the same time and you got something. 1.00

02:42:16.000 It's like yoga. 1.00

02:42:17.000 You're doing yoga at the same time.

02:42:19.000 Yeah.

02:42:20.000 Right?

02:42:20.000 Okay.

02:42:21.000 Don't slouch and sit, but create angles when you're sitting.

02:42:26.000 It's all about angles.

02:42:27.000 Look at that girl's back. 1.00

02:42:28.000 How is she even doing that? 1.00

02:42:29.000 It's all about angles.

02:42:30.000 She's like the exorcist. 0.96

02:42:33.000 I should have been doing this during the podcast the whole time.

02:42:38.000 What's the next one?

02:42:39.000 Don't sprawl your legs while sitting on the ground.

02:42:44.000 Oh, see, so she touches the knees together.

02:42:47.000 Don't sprawl.

02:42:48.000 Don't sprawl your legs.

02:42:49.000 Listen, honey, you can do whatever you want. 1.00

02:42:50.000 Don't masturbate while we're trying to take a picture of you. 1.00

02:42:52.000 We didn't say that. 1.00

02:42:54.000 That girl's beautiful. 1.00

02:42:55.000 She can do whatever the fuck she wants with her legs. 1.00

02:42:56.000 No one's going to complain. 0.99

02:42:58.000 She can have them legs, like, fully spread wide, and people are like, uh, hey, you want to get some coffee or something? 1.00

02:43:05.000 Do you want to take over my company?

02:43:07.000 Lower your forehead a bit.

02:43:09.000 And make up your mind.

02:43:10.000 And look up.

02:43:11.000 Do I lean forward?

02:43:12.000 Lower your forehead.

02:43:13.000 Or do I lower my forehead?

02:43:14.000 Then I'm not leaning forward anymore.

02:43:15.000 Oh, right.

02:43:16.000 Look up a little to make your eyes look even bigger and more expressive.

02:43:20.000 Oh.

02:43:21.000 Okay, no. 1.00

02:43:21.000 That girl's hot as fuck. 1.00

02:43:23.000 This is preposterous. 1.00

02:43:24.000 That girl would look hot no matter what she did. 1.00

02:43:27.000 Yeah, just be hotter.

02:43:28.000 Yeah, be hotter.

02:43:29.000 Always put weight on the back leg while posing.

02:43:33.000 And hence.

02:43:33.000 Oh, and hence.

02:43:35.000 Creating an angular pose.

02:43:36.000 And hence. 0.99

02:43:38.000 That girl's like, but she looks like she's saying, what the fuck did you ask me to do? 0.99

02:43:44.000 Okay, what? 0.99

02:43:45.000 What did you say?

02:43:46.000 That is not part of my job description.

02:43:49.000 That is not what I was hired for.

02:43:51.000 And I'm barefoot. 0.99

02:43:52.000 For fucking some strange reason. 0.99

02:43:55.000 I'm barefoot and angry looking. 1.00

02:43:56.000 What did you say, white man? 1.00

02:43:58.000 You white motherfucker. 1.00

02:44:00.000 I was reading a thing yesterday that had sleep patterns of successful people. 1.00

02:44:05.000 Oh.

02:44:09.000 Richard Branson, Bill Gates, people like that.

02:44:13.000 Right.

02:44:13.000 Obama.

02:44:15.000 Most of them, six hours of sleep a night.

02:44:17.000 Yeah.

02:44:18.000 Most between like the 12, 1 o'clock to like 6, 7 o'clock in the morning.

02:44:23.000 I think there's a balance between productivity and health.

02:44:26.000 And if you want to get more done, I would say that's probably the way to go.

02:44:29.000 But I don't think those people are pillars of health.

02:44:31.000 For fitness and people who exercise really hard and really tax your body...

02:44:37.000 You need more.

02:44:38.000 I think you need eight.

02:44:39.000 You need eight?

02:44:40.000 I do eight.

02:44:40.000 You do eight?

02:44:41.000 I feel way better when I get eight.

02:44:43.000 Yeah, six does not seem like a lot.

02:44:46.000 Is this all the different people?

02:44:47.000 Nikola Tesla got two?

02:44:48.000 Yeah, but he's too busy banging pigeons. 0.99

02:44:50.000 He's crazy. 0.95

02:44:51.000 He was banging pigeons? 0.98

02:44:52.000 He was a super genius who was in love with a pigeon.

02:44:56.000 What?

02:44:56.000 Yeah.

02:44:57.000 I never heard that.

02:44:58.000 He had a love affair with a pigeon.

02:44:59.000 Winston Churchill got like 100 hours of sleep at night.

02:45:01.000 Da Vinci.

02:45:02.000 He was just drunk all the time.

02:45:03.000 Trying to zoom in a little.

02:45:04.000 Are those dots mean hours?

02:45:06.000 Yeah, that's when they slept.

02:45:07.000 He slept every four hours, like a 20-minute nap.

02:45:10.000 Thomas Edison did something similar, too.

02:45:12.000 Da Vinci did that?

02:45:13.000 Yeah, those little blue lines are when they were sleeping over the day.

02:45:17.000 That's crazy.

02:45:18.000 And Winston Churchill just slept like a bear?

02:45:21.000 Because he was drunk.

02:45:24.000 He drank like crazy.

02:45:26.000 Richard Branson seems like he's getting, does that say six?

02:45:29.000 Six.

02:45:30.000 Yeah, 12 to 6. That sounds kind of reasonable.

02:45:33.000 Yeah, that's reasonable.

02:45:34.000 But 6 is early to get up for me. 0.99

02:45:36.000 Well, if he's one of those get shit done. 0.99

02:45:38.000 Donald Trump, three hours. 1.00

02:45:40.000 Yeah, 1 to 4. 1 to 4?

02:45:42.000 1 to 4. Come on, that's not real.

02:45:44.000 That can't be true.

02:45:45.000 Is that real?

02:45:46.000 But he's on speed.

02:45:48.000 One to four.

02:45:49.000 You know, that was the speculation about Trump from an article that was posted a while back was that he had a prescription for amphetamines in like the 90s.

02:46:01.000 And someone had prescribed him.

02:46:02.000 See where you can find that.

02:46:04.000 Trump prescribed speed for diet.

02:46:09.000 And he stayed on it for like eight years.

02:46:11.000 Really?

02:46:12.000 Yeah.

02:46:12.000 It's been my...

02:46:15.000 When you talk to people that love Adderall and those sort of things, that you become incredibly productive when you're on that stuff.

02:46:24.000 And if you're one of those people that gets used to being incredibly productive on that stuff, Like, eliminating that is very hard.

02:46:32.000 Yeah.

02:46:32.000 See, 1993, Harry Hunt's unauthorized biography on Trump, Lost Tycoon, corroborated the rumors, and went one step further.

02:46:40.000 The diet drugs, which Trump took in pill form, not only curved his appetite, but gave him a feeling of euphoria and unlimited energy.

02:46:48.000 Wow.

02:46:48.000 The medical literature warned that some potentially dangerous side effect could result from long-term usage that included anxiety, insomnia, and delusions of grandeur.

02:46:57.000 What?!

02:47:23.000 The Donald Trump of today is on a diet drug called Fen-Termine.

02:47:31.000 And has been since at least April of 2014. He does not look like he's on a diet.

02:47:38.000 Fen-Fen.

02:47:38.000 He's on Fen-Fen.

02:47:39.000 Fen-Termine first gained notoriety in the U.S. under the name Fen-Fen.

02:47:44.000 A miracle combination of Fen-Termine and Fen-Fen.

02:47:48.000 Fenfluramine, another established anti-obesity drug.

02:47:51.000 The only problem was that patients taking the drug began reporting damage to their hearts and lungs.

02:47:57.000 Apparently the combination destroyed patients' body's ability to regulate the amount of serotonin.

02:48:04.000 Phentermine on its own, however, is still prescribed.

02:48:08.000 And while the US National Library of Medicine notes that most people take phentermine for a month or so at a time, since the drug is addictive, Trump has supposedly been taking continuously for over two years.

02:48:21.000 Well, listen, when people get used to taking pills, and speed in particular, they get used to that ramped up life.

02:48:31.000 You can't wean off it.

02:48:32.000 It's very hard.

02:48:34.000 It's just very hard to just go cold turkey and be that guy who's just dull now.

02:48:38.000 Yeah, right, exactly.

02:48:39.000 Think about how much energy he had while he was on the campaign trail.

02:48:43.000 Constantly speaking.

02:48:45.000 Constantly. 0.99

02:48:45.000 Could never shut the fuck up. 0.99

02:48:46.000 It was really impressive. 0.99

02:48:47.000 I mean, he was non-stop.

02:48:49.000 Right.

02:48:50.000 72-year-old man, 73, whatever.

02:48:52.000 Doesn't it make sense?

02:48:53.000 Yeah, absolutely.

02:48:54.000 Yeah.

02:48:55.000 Hillary was falling over. 1.00

02:48:57.000 I know.

02:48:57.000 And Hillary was on stuff, too.

02:48:59.000 She was on Provigil.

02:49:00.000 What's that?

02:49:01.000 Provigil is a drug that was first invented.

02:49:06.000 They were trying to make a drug that was actually a performance-enhancing drug.

02:49:09.000 And then they had to come up with a reason for taking it.

02:49:12.000 Because you can't just say, hey, we made a pharmaceutical drug that enhances your energy levels.

02:49:18.000 So they came up with narcolepsy.

02:49:20.000 Oh, really?

02:49:21.000 Yeah, I've taken it.

02:49:22.000 Oh, yeah?

02:49:23.000 Yeah, it's great if you have to drive somewhere and you're tired.

02:49:26.000 Because it doesn't make you speedy.

02:49:28.000 And I don't think it makes you any smarter or faster thinking or anything like that.

02:49:32.000 But it definitely keeps you awake.

02:49:33.000 It gives you like a little elevated sense of energy.

02:49:36.000 Oh.

02:49:37.000 Yeah.

02:49:37.000 Doesn't sound so bad.

02:49:38.000 I mean, you'd have to take something to keep up those.

02:49:40.000 I mean, you know from just touring and stuff.

02:49:42.000 Oh, yeah.

02:49:42.000 What that takes out of you.

02:49:44.000 Watch how they just were non-stop.

02:49:46.000 And he was probably on dye pills.

02:49:48.000 Wow.

02:49:49.000 Interesting.

02:49:50.000 And not getting skinnier.

02:49:52.000 I knew a gal going on that Fen-Fen stuff. 1.00

02:49:54.000 Oh yeah?

02:49:54.000 Yeah, back in the 90s.

02:49:55.000 She was beautiful, but she was chubby. 1.00

02:49:58.000 She just had a bad diet and just liked the booze and she's probably 20-something or something.

02:50:05.000 And got on the Fen-Fen and I hadn't seen her in forever.

02:50:10.000 I hadn't seen her in probably like a year. 0.99

02:50:12.000 And then I ran into her and I was like, holy shit! 0.97

02:50:15.000 Like, what happened to you? 1.00

02:50:16.000 Lost weight.

02:50:17.000 All of a sudden she was like 120 pounds and slim and gorgeous, and I was like, that is crazy!

02:50:23.000 So it works. 1.00

02:50:24.000 Yeah, but then it started fucking with her. 1.00

02:50:27.000 And messing her body up, and heart palpitations and shit. 1.00

02:50:31.000 Oh, jeez. 0.99

02:50:32.000 And then, a year later, she was bigger than ever.

02:50:35.000 Jeez.

02:50:36.000 Well, I mean, if you think about taking an ibuprofen, if that messes you up, these drugs, the impact is huge.

02:50:42.000 Oh, yeah, man.

02:50:43.000 Huge.

02:50:44.000 Well, I know so many people that are on Adderall.

02:50:46.000 Yeah, I was just going to say, have you ever tried Adderall?

02:50:48.000 Never.

02:50:49.000 Me neither.

02:50:49.000 I'm scared of it, but I want to.

02:50:50.000 I know, me too.

02:50:51.000 I want to try it.

02:50:52.000 Jamie's going to bring in some for me.

02:50:53.000 You take it?

02:50:54.000 No, no, no.

02:50:55.000 It's a dealer.

02:50:56.000 May or may not have.

02:50:56.000 You sell it to children?

02:50:57.000 No.

02:50:58.000 What?

02:50:59.000 I got a pill from a friend of mine that I wanted to use.

02:51:01.000 I never even used it.

02:51:02.000 Oh.

02:51:03.000 And I still just have it.

02:51:04.000 Yeah.

02:51:05.000 Now, all this stuff really works.

02:51:07.000 Of course.

02:51:07.000 You ever take an Ambien?

02:51:10.000 No.

02:51:11.000 I sleep easy.

02:51:12.000 I do too.

02:51:12.000 I got no problem sleeping.

02:51:13.000 I was doing a show in the Middle East once, and my doctor gave me Ambien.

02:51:18.000 He's like, if you need help adjusting your time...

02:51:21.000 I didn't ask for it, he just gave it to me.

02:51:24.000 And, uh...

02:51:25.000 I don't really take anything, really, but I took it.

02:51:28.000 I mean, it just works.

02:51:29.000 You're just pretty awake, and then you just feel sleep just kind of calming over you like an ocean wave.

02:51:38.000 How did you feel when you woke up?

02:51:39.000 Not good.

02:51:40.000 A little druggie. 1.00

02:51:41.000 Yeah, fuck that. 1.00

02:51:42.000 Yeah, it wasn't like I woke up like, oh, I'm good to go. 1.00

02:51:45.000 I'd rather be kind of tired and then just go to the gym.

02:51:48.000 Yes, exactly.

02:51:49.000 I'm just not into that drugged up feeling.

02:51:51.000 No, because then it becomes a whole cat and mouse trying to adjust it. 0.99

02:51:56.000 I had a buddy who was going through a divorce and couldn't sleep at all, so he was taking two of those fucking things at night. 0.99

02:52:03.000 And everybody was urging him. 0.98

02:52:04.000 They were like, hey man, don't take that much.

02:52:07.000 This stuff is not good for you.

02:52:09.000 I'm always afraid you won't be able to sleep normally.

02:52:12.000 Or you don't wake up.

02:52:16.000 Take it and Night-night.

02:52:18.000 Choke in the middle of the night and just...

02:52:20.000 You're in the middle of some crazy dream about being in a gunfight with the cops.

02:52:29.000 That's the thing about Ambien.

02:52:32.000 Ambien people do things in their sleep. 0.99

02:52:34.000 Yeah, like go buy ice cream.

02:52:37.000 I had a bit about it in my act about a friend of mine who made a turkey.

02:52:42.000 He got up in the middle of the night, preheated the oven, went to the store, bought a turkey, came home, made stuffing, mashed potatoes, and gravy, cooked it, ate it, went back to sleep, got up in the morning and called the police.

02:52:56.000 Someone broke into my house and made a turkey! 1.00

02:52:58.000 They're like, what the fuck is wrong with you, you fat piece of shit? 1.00

02:53:04.000 Come to grips with your food problem! 1.00

02:53:08.000 It's a real story.

02:53:09.000 It's a real story?

02:53:10.000 Yeah, a real story.

02:53:10.000 And he didn't remember doing any of it?

02:53:12.000 No, he made a turkey.

02:53:13.000 Oh my God.

02:53:13.000 He went to the store, dude.

02:53:15.000 Yeah, like...

02:53:15.000 He bought a turkey.

02:53:16.000 Dealt with someone at the register. 1.00

02:53:18.000 Bought a fucking turkey. 1.00

02:53:19.000 Drove his car. 1.00

02:53:22.000 Oh my god.

02:53:22.000 This is so crazy.

02:53:24.000 Yeah.

02:53:24.000 People are weird, man.

02:53:26.000 I'm surprised no one's like killed someone on Ambien.

02:53:28.000 Oh, they have.

02:53:28.000 They have?

02:53:29.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:53:30.000 People have.

02:53:30.000 Yeah, people have murdered people on it.

02:53:32.000 And there was one guy who...

02:53:34.000 That's...

02:53:34.000 Jesus.

02:53:35.000 He... 0.98

02:53:35.000 I want to say he killed someone in his family with a crowbar. 0.98

02:53:40.000 Oh boy.

02:53:40.000 There was like some crazy story where he was on Ambien and he drove to someone's house and killed him with a crowbar and then drove home.

02:53:48.000 He had no idea he even did it.

02:53:50.000 Oh my god.

02:53:52.000 Well, people react to different things in different ways.

02:53:55.000 You can never predict exactly how someone's going to react to heavy-duty pharmaceuticals.

02:54:00.000 That's what I was worried about.

02:54:01.000 I'm like, I'm not taking this on the flight. 1.00

02:54:03.000 Fuck that. 1.00

02:54:04.000 Who knows what I'm going to do? 1.00

02:54:06.000 Freak out in the middle of the fucking ocean. 1.00

02:54:12.000 Just wake up in prison, you don't know why? 1.00

02:54:15.000 How did I get here?

02:54:16.000 You know what you did.

02:54:17.000 I don't.

02:54:18.000 Having to watch the video of you. 0.67

02:54:20.000 Trying to hump some businessman. 1.00

02:54:22.000 With a fucking cat in the hat hat on. 1.00

02:54:24.000 Beating someone to death with a nine iron. 1.00

02:54:29.000 Pushing the drink cart. 0.72

02:54:32.000 Trying to get at the pilot.

02:54:34.000 Oh my god.

02:54:36.000 Pretending to fly.

02:54:38.000 What a nightmare.

02:54:40.000 Ambien hasn't been around that long, right?

02:54:42.000 This is 2013, so I was trying to look up.

02:54:44.000 There's something called the homicidal sleepwalking defense that's been used at least since 1987. Looks like it goes back farther than that.

02:54:54.000 Here's the Wikipedia on it.

02:54:56.000 Wow.

02:54:56.000 Sleepwalking defense.

02:54:59.000 Wow.

02:55:00.000 Homicidal somnambulism.

02:55:05.000 Or sleepwalking.

02:55:08.000 Sleepwalking murder.

02:55:09.000 The act of killing someone during an episode of sleepwalking.

02:55:12.000 Oh, man.

02:55:13.000 See, that's the thing. 1.00

02:55:14.000 If you were going to kill somebody, wouldn't you be like, hey, I'm fucking sleeping. 0.98

02:55:18.000 He was acquitted of killing the murder of his mother-in-law in 1987 after using the sleepwalking defense. 0.99

02:55:24.000 Now, let me just pause right there.

02:55:26.000 I would love to believe this man.

02:55:28.000 However, I have a wonderful mother-in-law. 0.96

02:55:32.000 She's a lovely lady. 1.00

02:55:33.000 But I have friends whose mother-in-laws are straight cunts. 1.00

02:55:38.000 It's a real thing. 0.99

02:55:39.000 It's a real thing.

02:55:40.000 And it's just so convenient that this guy, he didn't kill his children.

02:55:47.000 Not his wife. 0.93

02:55:48.000 He didn't go drive to his buddy's house and kill his best friend.

02:55:50.000 What does it say there?

02:55:51.000 Reportedly got up from his bed, still asleep, and drove roughly 23 kilometers to his in-law's house, broke in, assaulted his father-in-law, Dennis Wood, and stabbed his mother-in-law to death.

02:56:04.000 Wow.

02:56:06.000 Wow.

02:56:06.000 Good on you.

02:56:07.000 After all this, he managed to drive himself to the police station.

02:56:10.000 Aside from a few isolated events, the next thing he could recall was being in the police station asking for help saying, I think I've killed some people.

02:56:17.000 My hands.

02:56:18.000 Whoa.

02:56:20.000 Wow.

02:56:20.000 Well, that's what I would do, too.

02:56:21.000 Yeah.

02:56:22.000 Go pretend.

02:56:23.000 You've got to plan this out.

02:56:25.000 Yeah.

02:56:25.000 Like, something blew up for you.

02:56:27.000 I don't know what it was.

02:56:29.000 I went crazy, but you guys got to help me. 0.99

02:56:31.000 Yeah, like, if you know for sure you're going to kill them, like, there's no way I can not kill this person. 1.00

02:56:34.000 I need a fucking rock-solid excuse. 1.00

02:56:36.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:56:37.000 What is this, nonbalombalism?

02:56:41.000 And then he had wonderful Thanksgivings ever since then.

02:56:46.000 Oh man, to stay married after that?

02:56:48.000 How's that work?

02:56:49.000 Yeah, probably.

02:56:50.000 She probably quietly is grateful.

02:56:53.000 Yeah, the dad pulls you aside and slips you twine.

02:56:57.000 Better you than me, buddy.

02:56:59.000 Better you than me.

02:57:04.000 Some people do have weird sleepwalking things, though.

02:57:07.000 Sleepwalking is a weird thing.

02:57:08.000 I did as a kid.

02:57:08.000 Did you?

02:57:09.000 Mm-hmm.

02:57:10.000 Like around kindergarten, I would come out into the living room just screaming and crying.

02:57:18.000 Whoa.

02:57:19.000 And not have any recollection?

02:57:21.000 No.

02:57:21.000 None.

02:57:23.000 I did have recurring nightmares that I remember.

02:57:25.000 What were they?

02:57:27.000 The one very clear one was...

02:57:29.000 It was a blackness, you know, sometimes when you're sleeping.

02:57:34.000 You can feel the blackness, the space.

02:57:37.000 It was just very big, and you felt very small in it.

02:57:41.000 And there would be rumbling.

02:57:43.000 And it would build.

02:57:47.000 Can I borrow that accordion?

02:57:53.000 And...

02:57:55.000 And I would feel kind of pulled back a little bit in it.

02:57:59.000 No, I'm doing it silent.

02:58:04.000 And then the turrets of two tanks would slowly come into the periphery on the left and the right.

02:58:12.000 And you see like the gun of the tank and the tanks would slowly start going towards each other from the left and the right.

02:58:21.000 And then they would fall down this hole and you'd get that feeling of falling.

02:58:28.000 And then sometimes I'd see the face of my father.

02:58:33.000 Sometimes I have dreams of falling off of things.

02:58:36.000 Yeah.

02:58:36.000 What's that supposed to mean?

02:58:37.000 That means that you're going to get money.

02:58:41.000 Powerful.

02:58:43.000 Isn't that good?

02:58:49.000 Sometimes I do, though.

02:58:50.000 Sometimes I have dreams where I'm catching myself like I'm on a tree.

02:58:52.000 Like, oh, Jesus!

02:58:53.000 Too high up this tree.

02:58:55.000 Hang on.

02:58:56.000 Yeah.

02:58:56.000 What am I doing on the edge of this building?

02:58:58.000 What am I doing on that cliff?

02:59:00.000 Get back to this.

02:59:03.000 So I wouldn't connect the dream to the sleepwalking, but...

02:59:06.000 What do you think it is?

02:59:07.000 I mean, I don't know.

02:59:08.000 It could have been connected.

02:59:09.000 Come on, dude.

02:59:09.000 You're a doctor.

02:59:10.000 But I was...

02:59:10.000 I remember one time I was at my friend's sleeping over at my friend's house, and the next morning they were like, Tommy can't sleep here anymore because I did it at their house where they were just asleep, and then you got some kids screaming in the middle of the night, crying and screaming in the middle of the living room.

02:59:27.000 Yeah, but I've had kids do that at my house.

02:59:28.000 You have?

02:59:29.000 Yeah.

02:59:30.000 You pick them up and you go, you okay?

02:59:32.000 You bring them to the bed?

02:59:34.000 You know, it's one thing once you have kids, too.

02:59:38.000 Man, it's so hard for people that don't have kids to understand this.

02:59:44.000 I've said this before, but when I was on planes before, I would be bummed out if a kid was crying. 0.97

02:59:49.000 Like, oh, fucking great. 0.94

02:59:51.000 This is a lot of fun. 1.00

02:59:52.000 Fucking loud, stupid kid. 1.00

02:59:54.000 Quiet your kid up! 1.00

02:59:55.000 But now, I'm like, ah, poor little kid.

02:59:58.000 You don't even hear it.

03:00:00.000 But it doesn't bother me.

03:00:02.000 No.

03:00:03.000 Like, I'm upset.

03:00:04.000 I can't sleep.

03:00:05.000 It's like, ah, poor little kid.

03:00:07.000 You can look at kids so different once you have them.

03:00:10.000 And the parents.

03:00:11.000 You have empathy for the parents.

03:00:13.000 You're like, oh, I've been there.

03:00:15.000 When you're going through that thing, it's just so rough.

03:00:18.000 But it really is an instinct.

03:00:20.000 There is no...

03:00:22.000 Like, when you hear a baby cry on a plane, there's not that thing you had when you were younger.

03:00:26.000 It's just like, get it out of here.

03:00:28.000 Yeah, that's a weird thing that people do have.

03:00:30.000 Like, I've seen it before where, like, young boys in particular do not like babies.

03:00:35.000 No.

03:00:36.000 They don't like kids, and they're around them, and they're like, ugh.

03:00:39.000 Yeah.

03:00:39.000 They roll their eyes, and it's like, to them...

03:00:41.000 It's an instinct.

03:00:42.000 Yeah.

03:00:43.000 And then once you have them, you would just, like...

03:00:46.000 But it's funny when you see, like, teenage boys around them.

03:00:49.000 Yeah.

03:00:49.000 Especially ones that haven't been raised around kids.

03:00:51.000 Maybe it's the instinct that they're going to have to, uh...

03:00:54.000 One day take care of one of those?

03:00:55.000 Yeah.

03:00:56.000 Yeah.

03:00:56.000 And the party's going to end.

03:00:57.000 They're going to be trapped.

03:00:59.000 The party's going to end.

03:01:00.000 And it's funny because, like, there are these chapters. 1.00

03:01:02.000 It's like, this is all coming full circle to what we're talking about with, like, Richard Branson on a boat, getting his dick sucked, doing coke. 1.00

03:01:12.000 But here's the thing. 1.00

03:01:15.000 There's a cycle, and if you hang in there long enough, it becomes cool again.

03:01:19.000 Like, if you're hammered and you're 20 and you're out there having a party, it's kind of silly and it's fun.

03:01:24.000 But if you're hammered and you're 60, it's kind of sad.

03:01:28.000 Yeah.

03:01:29.000 But if you're hammered and you're 90, it's funny again.

03:01:32.000 Yeah, absolutely.

03:01:33.000 He's got to hang in there.

03:01:34.000 Absolutely. 1.00

03:01:34.000 But if you're a 90-year-old drunk, I go, how about you all just suck my dick? 1.00

03:01:40.000 Which, by the way, apparently the latest in the sexual harassment Olympics, the latest entry is Stan Lee from Marvel Comics. 1.00

03:01:50.000 Really?

03:01:51.000 Yeah, he's 95 years old.

03:01:52.000 Yeah.

03:01:53.000 He lives in some giant mansion, and he has a bunch of nurses.

03:01:56.000 He's trying to get them all to blow them.

03:01:58.000 Of course.

03:01:59.000 Now, he says it's a shakedown.

03:02:01.000 He says they're all just trying to get money from him, which may very well be the case.

03:02:07.000 Or it may very well be the case that he is like a lot of 95-year-old dudes with 20 million bucks in the bank and about six months to live.

03:02:16.000 Just getting it on.

03:02:17.000 What do you do?

03:02:17.000 You try.

03:02:18.000 You go for it. 1.00

03:02:19.000 You swing those fucking dice. 1.00

03:02:22.000 Come on, seven. 1.00

03:02:23.000 Woo! 0.99

03:02:25.000 Woo! 0.99

03:02:27.000 Stanley.

03:02:28.000 If he really can.

03:02:30.000 If you're worth...

03:02:31.000 Hold on.

03:02:32.000 Go back to that.

03:02:33.000 What does it say there?

03:02:35.000 Okay.

03:02:35.000 He bought someone...

03:02:37.000 Then it was revealed that someone had bought an $850,000 condo in his name without his knowledge.

03:02:42.000 Yeah, that was last week.

03:02:43.000 I don't know if you heard about that.

03:02:44.000 No.

03:02:44.000 What happened?

03:02:45.000 He filed a police report after discovering that someone had stolen $300,000 from him.

03:02:49.000 Wow.

03:02:50.000 Using a forged check.

03:02:52.000 And then it was revealed that someone bought an $850,000 condo in his name without his knowledge.

03:02:58.000 A fact that came to light when his team did a full audit of his accounts following the forged check.

03:03:04.000 Whether this is any way related.

03:03:05.000 Okay, so he might be being honest.

03:03:09.000 This might be in reaction to the shakedown.

03:03:15.000 This guy has so much money that someone bought an $850,000 condo in his name, and he didn't learn about it until they were going over the books.

03:03:25.000 Yeah, he didn't learn about it until they found a $300,000 stolen check.

03:03:29.000 Yeah.

03:03:30.000 That's a baller.

03:03:31.000 Yeah.

03:03:32.000 Stan Lee balling out of control.

03:03:34.000 Superhero. 1.00

03:03:35.000 Out there kicking some fucking ass. 1.00

03:03:39.000 Superhero! 1.00

03:03:40.000 Yeah, I'd like to think that he's not the guy who's trying to tell these maids to suck his dick. 1.00

03:03:46.000 Nah, I doubt it. 1.00

03:03:47.000 I'd like to think that.

03:03:48.000 Me too.

03:03:49.000 I want some heroes left.

03:03:51.000 A couple of those guys.

03:03:53.000 A few.

03:03:54.000 But...

03:03:55.000 Hang in there, guys.

03:03:56.000 One more time. 1.00

03:04:00.000 Tom Papa, let's wrap this bitch up. 1.00

03:04:02.000 Let's bring it home. 0.99

03:04:04.000 Tell these people where you're going to be performing your wonderful stand-up comedy.

03:04:07.000 I'm heading out on tour, Joe.

03:04:09.000 Where are you going, Tom?

03:04:10.000 I'm going to Raleigh, North Carolina.

03:04:12.000 Oh, you're going to Charlie Goodnight's?

03:04:13.000 No, I'm playing the theater.

03:04:15.000 Oh, someone's hashtag ballin'.

03:04:18.000 Duke something energy center or something. 0.99

03:04:22.000 The Duke fucking Energy Center. 0.99

03:04:23.000 Yeah. 0.99

03:04:24.000 And then I'm going to Viejo, California.

03:04:28.000 Where's that?

03:04:28.000 I'm going to...

03:04:30.000 I'm all over the place.

03:04:33.000 Where's Viejo?

03:04:34.000 I don't know.

03:04:34.000 North of here.

03:04:35.000 Everything's north of here.

03:04:37.000 They'll tell you how to go.

03:04:38.000 GPS. Yeah, GPS it.

03:04:40.000 Just go to TomPapa.com.

03:04:41.000 All my dates are on there.

03:04:43.000 TomPapa.com.

03:04:45.000 And away!

03:04:52.000 Tom, it's always a pleasure, sir.

03:04:53.000 You too, buddy.

03:04:54.000 You're always a wonderful guest.

03:04:55.000 I always enjoy this very much.

03:04:57.000 Me too.

03:04:57.000 I'm going to come back.

03:04:57.000 I'll bring some fresh underpants.

03:04:59.000 We'll go in the sauna.

03:05:00.000 We'll be back tomorrow with journalist Dan Harris, and he's going to get in the tank first.

03:05:04.000 He's got a meditation app and, I guess, a book.

03:05:07.000 Maybe just an app.

03:05:08.000 These wacky kids today don't even read anymore.

03:05:11.000 All right.

03:05:11.000 We'll be back.

03:05:12.000 Bye.

03:05:13.000 Bye.

03:05:15.000 Perfect.

03:05:15.000 Just as I have to pee.

The Joe Rogan Experience - January 09, 2018

Joe Rogan Experience #1061 - Tom Papa

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript