The Joe Rogan Experience - May 30, 2018


Joe Rogan Experience #1123 - Kevin Smith

Topics
massive heart attack juicing Meatball Sub cholesterol exercise fleas mountain cats cats tigers fuck things up Sphinx age theory pyramid construction cuneiform Dead Sea Scrolls Magical Egypt DVD series near-death experiences death experience
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Kevin Smith
Mentioned
Ambien Mulder Jennifer Roseanne The Ralph Report Scully Penn Jillette Shecky Roar Melanie Griffith Noel Marshall Donald Jamie Marty John Anthony West Tony Hinchcliffe Kevin Smith Neil Gaiman John Lovitz Comedy Club Silent Bob Get Old and 99 more
Joe Rogan Experience #1122 - Donnie Vincent Joe Rogan Experience #1124 - Robert Schoch

Episode Stats


Length

3 hours and 12 minutes

Words per minute

205.76

Word count

39,640

Sentence count

4,310

Harmful content

Misogyny

152

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,377

sentences flagged

Hate speech

41

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Comedian and writer Joe Scarborough joins Jemele to discuss his life and career. They talk about what it's like to be a stand-up comedian, how he got into the business, and what it s like being a writer. They also talk about drugs and alcohol, and how they ve been introduced to each other over the years. It's a fun, lighthearted conversation between two friends who have a lot in common: they're both funny, smart, and have a good sense of humor. It was a lot of fun and I hope you enjoy it as much as we did making it. Thank you so much to Joe Scarborough for coming on the pod and being a part of this conversation. He's one of the funniest people I've ever met and I can't wait to see what he has to say in the future! Tweet me if you liked this episode and what you think of it! Timestamps: 1:00:00 - What's your favorite part about Joe Scarborough? 4:30 - What does it take to be funny and smart? 6:20 - How does he feel about drugs? 7:00 8:15 - Does he have a problem with cocaine? 9:40 - How much money does he make? 11:00- What does he drink? 12:00 | How often does he smoke it? 13:30 16:30 | What is his favorite kind of cocaine 14: What is the worst thing he's ever done? 15:00 // 16: What s his favorite thing to do? 17:15 | How much does he like to eat? 18:15 19:40 | What do you like to do to relax? 21:40 22:20 | What s your favorite thing? 26:30 Do you like a good night out? 27:20 28:30 Is it hard to have fun? 29:30 What s a good day? 31:30 Can you tell me what you're going to do in a good place? 32:00 Do you feel less than? 35:30 Are you have a weakness? 33:00 Are you overconfident? 36:40 Do you need to be less than less than someone else? 37:10 39:00 Is it more than a little bit more confident?

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:10.000 Biatch! 1.00
00:00:10.000 We're live. 1.00
00:00:11.000 Dude, we always say we're going to do these regularly.
00:00:14.000 Yes.
00:00:15.000 Every like two or three years, we pledge that we will do these regularly.
00:00:18.000 And then a decade goes by.
00:00:20.000 And then we don't see each other. 1.00
00:00:22.000 But I hope that in your heart, just like mine, that it's not like, oh, I've had enough of that fuck. 1.00
00:00:29.000 No, no, no. 1.00
00:00:29.000 It's life. 1.00
00:00:30.000 I see how busy you are.
00:00:33.000 You're one of the few people I follow on Instagram.
00:00:35.000 And I've said it on the previous show. 1.00
00:00:37.000 I just love to look at your life because I'm like, fuck, he's doing everything he wants and nothing I'd ever want to do, but fuck, he goes to the hill. 0.99
00:00:44.000 And not in a judgy way of like, he shouldn't be doing that, but just like, you know, I've said, you live a man's life. 0.99
00:00:50.000 I live a boy's life as a 47-year-old man.
00:00:53.000 So you do things like you got a float tank.
00:00:56.000 You hunt.
00:00:57.000 You know how to handle a bow and arrow.
00:00:59.000 I'm the guy that writes about people that shoot bow and arrows to stop crimes. 0.99
00:01:03.000 They usually have boxing gloves at the end of them and shit like that. 0.98
00:01:06.000 Yeah, but that's good, too. 0.99
00:01:07.000 Oh, believe me, I ain't shit on it. 0.97
00:01:08.000 But I do... 0.99
00:01:09.000 I guess the point is, I know you're busy as fuck, and I know sometimes I get very busy as fuck, but I think we only don't do this because of how busy we are. 0.99
00:01:20.000 Yeah, that's all it is. 0.99
00:01:21.000 That's very kind of you to say.
00:01:23.000 You're like, that's...
00:01:24.000 Yeah, I'll buy that.
00:01:24.000 No, that's all it is for me, for sure.
00:01:26.000 For me, I'm like, fuck, I could do that once a week because I'd walk away. 0.96
00:01:29.000 I always walk away with a real like, I've never done cocaine, but I imagine it's what it's like to do a line of cocaine off, I don't know, somebody beautiful or something like that. 0.99
00:01:39.000 I always walk away with wisdom.
00:01:41.000 And it's wisdom that even though it's on a podcast and recorded and there's a record of like, well, that's where you learned those things.
00:01:46.000 I still go out into the world, present them as my own.
00:01:49.000 Like I'm a smart, well-read person. 0.99
00:01:51.000 Out there, there's dudes that have done a line of cocaine off someone, and they're like, what the fuck is he talking about? 0.71
00:01:55.000 I've never learned anything from that. 0.99
00:01:57.000 Except how to do it better, where the cocaine doesn't quite fall into the ass cracker. 0.69
00:02:01.000 Or where did all my money go? 0.95
00:02:03.000 I've got to think that.
00:02:04.000 That was never my poison, man.
00:02:05.000 I still have never in this lifetime done...
00:02:09.000 Knowingly done cocaine.
00:02:10.000 Somebody might have slipped it to me.
00:02:11.000 You and I both.
00:02:12.000 Really?
00:02:12.000 Yeah, I never touched it.
00:02:14.000 Come on, man. 0.99
00:02:14.000 That's fucking... 0.99
00:02:15.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00
00:02:16.000 In Hollywood, we're rare.
00:02:18.000 Yeah, and also just as entertainers, we're rare as well.
00:02:21.000 Does it ever make you feel less than?
00:02:24.000 No.
00:02:25.000 Those of us who try to be funny in this business and those who have been insanely successful and become icons, they always have, you know, and then they did blow for hours and blah, blah, blah.
00:02:36.000 Do you ever feel like, oh, that's not part of my matrix, hence I must not be one of the greats?
00:02:42.000 No, I'm very lucky that I don't.
00:02:44.000 That you don't feel that?
00:02:44.000 That I don't feel that.
00:02:45.000 Right.
00:02:45.000 Because I think I'd have a real problem with speed and amphetamines and coke.
00:02:49.000 I think I'd have a real problem with that.
00:02:50.000 That's what draws your eye, like, from a distance?
00:02:52.000 I think I'd enjoy it.
00:02:52.000 Really?
00:02:52.000 I think I'd enjoy it.
00:02:53.000 And I think it's the worst thing for someone like me, who's a probably overconfident person to begin with.
00:03:00.000 Right.
00:03:01.000 You know, which has served me well, but...
00:03:03.000 But that stuff makes you crazy overconfident.
00:03:06.000 I only giggle not because it's not facetious.
00:03:09.000 If you walked into the facility that I just walked into and had the grand tour that you were given, gentle listener and watcher at home...
00:03:17.000 I was saying to Joe before we went, like, he's got this new...
00:03:20.000 New to me.
00:03:21.000 I don't know how long you've been here.
00:03:22.000 Since October, you said.
00:03:23.000 Yeah.
00:03:23.000 But it's a paradise.
00:03:26.000 It's a, you know, fuck the term man cave. 1.00
00:03:28.000 This is like man empire. 1.00
00:03:30.000 You walk in and it's just...
00:03:31.000 It's like walking into Joe's head. 1.00
00:03:33.000 It's everything he loves under one fucking roof. 0.99
00:03:35.000 And I said it to him before, like... 1.00
00:03:39.000 You did this with your mouth.
00:03:41.000 You talked yourself into this.
00:03:43.000 Very strange.
00:03:44.000 Isn't that awesome?
00:03:45.000 Yeah.
00:03:45.000 I mean, I know you've got a zillion things that you do, but even in a world of the MMA stuff, that's still your mouth.
00:03:52.000 It's always your fucking mouth that is taking you from where you started till now. 0.98
00:03:57.000 You walk into this building, it's not like he had a family fortune and this was willed to him. 1.00
00:04:03.000 Your mouth put you in a building this nice.
00:04:05.000 Painted the walls the color it is.
00:04:06.000 You walk in, it's like a museum. 0.99
00:04:08.000 It's like you see pieces of him, hence me, all over the fucking place. 1.00
00:04:13.000 That's all out of your mouth. 0.99
00:04:16.000 If anybody's watching or listening at home, teetering on the verge of like, I wonder if I should do a podcast. 1.00
00:04:21.000 Send them a snapshot of that fucking room where you can launch bow and arrows for 45 yards. 0.99
00:04:26.000 They'll start talking. 0.99
00:04:27.000 Well, I think if you're interesting at all, you should do a podcast. 0.99
00:04:31.000 Fuck yeah. 0.99
00:04:31.000 It can be a way to make a living. 0.99
00:04:34.000 There's enough people.
00:04:36.000 I'm not one of those famine thinkers.
00:04:39.000 I think the opposite.
00:04:40.000 I'm like, you could do it.
00:04:41.000 Anybody could do it.
00:04:42.000 I'm never like, man, it might not be enough for everybody.
00:04:44.000 I agree. 0.94
00:04:44.000 I'm always the guy who encourages you to like, hey, try it because, oh my God, it's fucking fun for me. 0.94
00:04:50.000 And, you know, we're rare birds in as much as we've been around since the fucking art form started. 0.88
00:04:56.000 Like, you've been doing podcasts since a minute after a podcast began. 0.97
00:05:00.000 Corolla started first.
00:05:01.000 He was the guy who...
00:05:02.000 Well, I predate Corolla.
00:05:03.000 Yeah, well, yeah, for sure.
00:05:05.000 For sure.
00:05:06.000 But you're in the first five years?
00:05:08.000 You were...
00:05:09.000 Well, what year did you start?
00:05:11.000 I started, we just celebrated last year was our 10th anniversary of Smodcast, so we're now year 11. So count back from now is 2007?
00:05:21.000 Yeah, that's a couple of years.
00:05:22.000 When did you begin?
00:05:23.000 I think 2009. It was in two years of the big bang.
00:05:28.000 When I jumped in, it was Leo Laporte doing This Week in Tech, and I think he still does that.
00:05:36.000 And the Happy Tree Friends, and that was like the Apple Podcast Top 5. And then me and Scott started with Smodcast, and then later on we added a bunch of stuff.
00:05:46.000 But getting in within the first two years, we happened, and then right on the heels of us, Adam was on the radio, and then the radio job went away.
00:05:56.000 What year was that where Adam went to podcasting?
00:05:59.000 If we started Smodcast 2007, we start February 2007. Either he loses the radio gig in 2007 and moves to podcast, or it happens in 2008. But it was...
00:06:12.000 He's in that neighborhood.
00:06:13.000 Yes, and he was the model for a lot of folks now, like Ralph Garman, the guy that I do at Hollywood Babble.
00:06:20.000 I love Ralph.
00:06:20.000 Ralph's amazing.
00:06:21.000 He was let go by K-Rock earlier this year or later.
00:06:24.000 Yeah, at the end of last year, right before Christmas.
00:06:27.000 And so he too moved into a kind of online world. 0.99
00:06:31.000 It can sustain a motherfucker. 1.00
00:06:33.000 He's a smart, talented guy. 0.99
00:06:35.000 Ralph's a very smart guy.
00:06:36.000 The Ralph Report is his show.
00:06:37.000 I like him a lot.
00:06:38.000 He's a good dude.
00:06:39.000 He's a very good dude.
00:06:40.000 I always like talking to him at K-Rock.
00:06:42.000 When you go to K-Rock, that's how our friendship began.
00:06:44.000 You sit there doing the show and then afterwards, like I was a cigarette smoker in those days, and we'd sit there out in the parking lot and smoke.
00:06:51.000 And Slowly, like, I remember I came in once to K-Rock, just announced, like, hey, I've rented a theater on Santa Monica Boulevard, and we're calling it Smodcast, and we're the world's first live podcasting theater, and we're going to do podcasts there and stuff.
00:07:09.000 And so, Ralph was listening.
00:07:12.000 He's right there.
00:07:13.000 And then, like, months prior, he had approached me.
00:07:17.000 He's like, hey man, would you ever want to do, like, the showbiz beat?
00:07:19.000 That's what he used to do on K-Rock, on Kevin and Bean. 0.96
00:07:22.000 Like, as a Saturday show, and I was like, fuck yeah, hear myself on the radio? 0.98
00:07:26.000 That'd be fantastic. 0.91
00:07:27.000 So, we recorded a demo for the show, gave it to his bosses, and his bosses were like, nobody wants to listen to people talk on the radio anymore. 0.99
00:07:34.000 And so it died there, just like how years ago things died when you couldn't get past a gatekeeper who was like, we don't want your shit. 0.97
00:07:43.000 Was this after the talk radio station in LA went under? 0.99
00:07:47.000 Yes.
00:07:47.000 Okay, so they probably were like, they got burned on that, it didn't work.
00:07:51.000 And they were just, you know, K-Rock was reading the tea leaves, which was like...
00:07:55.000 People don't want to hear people chat.
00:07:57.000 They just want to play music.
00:07:58.000 We're competing with satellite radio.
00:07:59.000 Now we're competing with streaming music where it's like they don't have to wait 15 minutes to hear a song.
00:08:04.000 They had some good shows, though.
00:08:06.000 Like Conway and Steckler.
00:08:07.000 That was a really good show.
00:08:08.000 They were great.
00:08:10.000 There's a bunch of really good shows.
00:08:12.000 So we had tried that.
00:08:16.000 It was called Showbiz Beat.
00:08:18.000 And then months later when I was in there going like, yeah, I'm opening this podcast theater.
00:08:23.000 Afterwards, in the parking lot, grabbing the post-show smoke, Ralph was just like, hey, would you ever want to try that radio show at that theater? 0.98
00:08:31.000 And I was like, fuck yeah. 0.86
00:08:32.000 You want to do it as a podcast? 0.99
00:08:33.000 And he was like, yeah, let's try it out.
00:08:36.000 And so I was driving home and I texted him at a light...
00:08:40.000 I said we could call it Hollywood Babylon.
00:08:43.000 There's an old book called Hollywood Babylon that was about, like, gossipy stories about Hollywood people and stuff.
00:08:49.000 But we spelled it, of course, differently and stuff.
00:08:51.000 And that's what I brought to Babylon.
00:08:54.000 Other than that, Ralph built that entire thing.
00:08:57.000 And then my job became...
00:08:59.000 To sit next to him and react to the news.
00:09:01.000 That's why I love that podcast so much.
00:09:03.000 As you can tell, I fucking love the sound of my own voice and I wind up talking, talking, talking.
00:09:08.000 On Smodcast, I would lead. 0.95
00:09:10.000 On Jay and Silent Bob Get Old, which is really about Jason Mewes, I wind up talking a bunch.
00:09:15.000 But with...
00:09:16.000 Babylon, I get to sit there while he's the main act and I'm, you know, the second banana.
00:09:22.000 It's nice to be able to top and bottom in the world of podcasting.
00:09:28.000 Like, you know, it gives you a place to go.
00:09:33.000 If I'm topping all the time, right, then I'm talking about my thoughts and what I believe in.
00:09:37.000 And these are the experiences I've had and people are interested in that. 0.99
00:09:40.000 But then sometimes you just want to check out and talk about somebody else's shit. 0.98
00:09:44.000 On a podcast we do called Fat Man on Batman, that's what we do. 0.99
00:09:46.000 I just sit around and go like, oh my god, did you watch the Avengers and shit like that?
00:09:50.000 So you get to concentrate on that kind of stuff. 0.71
00:09:52.000 So yeah, the Babylon thing grew insanely organically. 0.78
00:09:55.000 We started at that little theater, sat 48 people, and since he was on the radio every morning, he could just fucking sell it out.
00:10:01.000 He'd be like, hey, go to Kevin Smith's website, you get tickets for Babylon, it'd be sold out.
00:10:05.000 Is that your place on...
00:10:07.000 What was it?
00:10:08.000 It was somewhere in West Hollywood, right?
00:10:10.000 That little theater?
00:10:11.000 It was on...
00:10:12.000 Melrose?
00:10:13.000 Yeah, it was on Santa Monica Boulevard in an area where they put up a few black box theaters.
00:10:19.000 This section's called The Complex, and we had one theater in The Complex, and repainted it and hung up all the artwork.
00:10:27.000 You got artwork based on the podcast out in the hallway.
00:10:30.000 Same thing.
00:10:31.000 I essentially built a shrine...
00:10:33.000 To Scott Mosher, my co-host of Smodcast, which I'm sure on some level creeped him the fuck out.
00:10:38.000 First time he walked in was just like, he wants to wear my skin.
00:10:42.000 And so the idea was, we're going to do nothing but Smodcast here.
00:10:45.000 But since Scott...
00:10:48.000 Didn't suddenly go into like, yeah, let's do five podcasts a week.
00:10:51.000 You know, it stayed pretty much the same.
00:10:53.000 We had a theater with nothing going on in it and stuff.
00:10:55.000 So I started trying other things.
00:10:57.000 Babylon became one of them. 0.98
00:10:59.000 Jane, son, Bob, get old also came out of that experience as well.
00:11:02.000 Do you still have that theater?
00:11:03.000 No.
00:11:03.000 No, we let go of that.
00:11:04.000 Me and Matty Cohen, who's a co-host on this very fun podcast he does with Macaulay Culkin. 0.95
00:11:10.000 Have you spoken to fucking Macaulay Culkin yet? 0.98
00:11:11.000 No. 1.00
00:11:12.000 I'm just putting a bug in your ear.
00:11:14.000 Yeah? 1.00
00:11:15.000 Oh, fuck, dude. 1.00
00:11:17.000 Fuck. 1.00
00:11:17.000 He gives good talk. 1.00
00:11:19.000 Really?
00:11:19.000 Good oral.
00:11:20.000 I mean, that sounds filthier than I meant to, but you know what I'm saying.
00:11:22.000 Right. 0.99
00:11:24.000 Fucking fascinating. 0.99
00:11:25.000 Really? 0.99
00:11:25.000 And funny and gifted. 0.99
00:11:27.000 Anyway, Matt and Macaulay do a podcast called Bunny Ears.
00:11:31.000 And so Matt Cohen was the guy that I had opened Smodcastle with.
00:11:35.000 Like, I was the guy going, I wish I had a black box theater.
00:11:37.000 And Matt went out and found it and stuff.
00:11:39.000 So we kept it open for like one year and then let it go because...
00:11:42.000 What had happened was, like, the Babble show sold so well so quickly all the time that it became clear, like, we could move this to a bigger theater.
00:11:50.000 This is a thing.
00:11:51.000 He was on the radio all the time, so it was easy to move seats.
00:11:54.000 So we went up to the Lovitz.
00:11:56.000 Remember John Lovitz Comedy Club?
00:11:59.000 Ralph had went to the Improv and Lovitz, and Lovitz was like, you could have 95 or 100% of the doors, something ridiculous.
00:12:06.000 And that was the only reason we went up there.
00:12:08.000 We were there for a while.
00:12:09.000 Things fell out with Lovett's and stuff.
00:12:10.000 And then we moved to the Improv instead.
00:12:12.000 So we've been there ever since.
00:12:14.000 And now we do it on the road quite a bit and stuff.
00:12:18.000 That Lovett's place is always weird, right?
00:12:19.000 Because the people were way above your head.
00:12:21.000 They were like one level here and one level way up there.
00:12:23.000 It was B.B. King's originally, back in the day.
00:12:27.000 So it was like a jazz club where you wouldn't mind looking down at the acts, but for a podcast, and with a guy with a fucking bald spot, it was nerve-wracking, because how am I supposed to be funny knowing they're staring down at me judging my bald spot? 0.52
00:12:40.000 Yeah, we did some comedy shows there, and it was great, but it was odd, because you did have to go straighten up and straighten up. 0.65
00:12:47.000 Let me just jump off topic real quick.
00:12:50.000 Was it The Times you were featured in for being like the source for news?
00:12:57.000 It's this thing that these guys are calling something the intellectual dark web.
00:13:03.000 And they've connected a bunch of people together.
00:13:06.000 That are interesting people that don't follow the standard...
00:13:11.000 Poor name.
00:13:12.000 Bad marketing.
00:13:13.000 Because when I read it, I was like, I don't think of him as Dark Web at all.
00:13:16.000 I think of Dark Web.
00:13:18.000 My friend Eric Weinstein, he loves that sneaky cloak and dagger type stuff.
00:13:23.000 He came up with the name of it.
00:13:24.000 He just gets a kick out of it, I think.
00:13:26.000 But essentially the piece was about how you are doing media that...
00:13:33.000 Well, it's really more about the rise of certain intellectuals that are very controversial, like Jordan Peterson and Sam Harris and all the debate about them.
00:13:41.000 I'm just someone who they get a chance to talk to for three hours in a pretty well...
00:13:50.000 Well, subscribe to base.
00:13:52.000 There's a lot of people that are going to listen to these conversations and they go, well, why haven't I heard people talk like this before?
00:13:58.000 Why haven't I heard about the idea of determinism versus free will?
00:14:02.000 Why haven't I heard like- Last time we were here, we talked about the universal monetary, everybody starts with a salary.
00:14:11.000 Yeah, universal basic income.
00:14:13.000 I was super hesitant about that.
00:14:15.000 I was like, that's nonsense.
00:14:16.000 And then the more I thought about it, whenever I just immediately dismiss something, I always have to go, okay, why am I immediately dismissing it?
00:14:26.000 Why did I go, ah? 0.99
00:14:27.000 And then I thought, ah, those fucking people, they're just lazy, they just want money, and then I went, all right. 1.00
00:14:32.000 Is that true? 1.00
00:14:34.000 Let me see what the fuck's really going on. 0.99
00:14:36.000 Because there's a weird reaction that I had. 0.99
00:14:38.000 Like a reaction against lazy people.
00:14:40.000 The unexamined life is not worth living.
00:14:42.000 Yeah.
00:14:42.000 So it's easy enough for you to be like, no, I don't care.
00:14:44.000 But most people end it there and their story goes in a different direction.
00:14:48.000 You're like, wait, why don't I? I didn't have a clear defense of my actions, the way I thought.
00:14:53.000 I didn't do anything.
00:14:54.000 But the way I considered this subject, I didn't have a real base.
00:15:00.000 I was very knee-jerk.
00:15:02.000 So I said, okay, let me really examine this.
00:15:07.000 The real issue, I think, is going to be automation and artificial intelligence.
00:15:12.000 I think it's going to remove a tremendous amount of jobs.
00:15:17.000 I think automation in terms of car driving and different functions, once they get better at robotics and being able to do things, then people will be less and less necessary.
00:15:29.000 They have a real problem, they think, with cars, with the number of males that drive cars.
00:15:36.000 It's in the millions for a job, and that they would all almost instantly be out of work if they ever get these automated cars down.
00:15:45.000 I mean, since we're a culture that believes in technology, one's inclined to believe, oh, they will get these self-driving vehicles down to a science.
00:15:55.000 I think they'll get it down.
00:15:57.000 They're pretty damn close, considering the fact that it didn't exist.
00:16:00.000 As soon as somebody gets hit, they get set back.
00:16:04.000 A couple hundred miles.
00:16:05.000 Well, there's been a few fatalities, right?
00:16:08.000 Several.
00:16:09.000 But how many have been fatalities because of humans?
00:16:13.000 And I always say, that's true. 1.00
00:16:14.000 But how many more humans are driving than fucking robots? 1.00
00:16:18.000 I mean, that shit is off the charts. 1.00
00:16:20.000 That number's got to be bananas. 1.00
00:16:22.000 Like, how many actual robots are out there driving?
00:16:23.000 What do you got, ten?
00:16:24.000 And two of them kill people? 0.98
00:16:26.000 Settle down.
00:16:27.000 But still, if you look at the numbers, though, billions of people driving cars, only 10 robots, and they've already taken two lives.
00:16:35.000 So those are bad odds right there.
00:16:38.000 They're going to eat us, bro.
00:16:38.000 That's what's going to happen.
00:16:39.000 I really believe that.
00:16:41.000 I've been talking about this a lot. 0.99
00:16:42.000 There's a fucking robot that DARPA created, and it's called the Eater Robot, E-A-T-R. And it can fucking fuel itself with biological material. 0.98
00:16:58.000 Any? 0.99
00:16:59.000 Or is it programmed for certain biological materials?
00:17:01.000 I don't know, man.
00:17:02.000 But biological material means dead bodies.
00:17:05.000 No doubt.
00:17:06.000 But does that mean that A, it's aware of when it's powering down?
00:17:09.000 I don't know.
00:17:11.000 Remember Eater, the military robot that's supposed to eat humans?
00:17:13.000 This is the thing.
00:17:14.000 I think the idea of biological material is maybe it could sustain itself on plants.
00:17:20.000 Maybe it could sustain itself.
00:17:22.000 That's where I go.
00:17:22.000 It's possible.
00:17:23.000 It's possible.
00:17:23.000 But you want right to human remains?
00:17:25.000 It's also possible, if you can use this thing in a battlefield, that you would want to have it eat people.
00:17:29.000 Because you can have dead people everywhere. 1.00
00:17:32.000 Have this fucking robot monster that you're sending to kill people also eat them. 1.00
00:17:35.000 So not only is it killing people, but it's also cleaning up in the background as well, taking dead bodies away. 1.00
00:17:41.000 I was a diabolical scientist, and I was going to come up with the evilest, meanest shit to send to the enemy to go get them. 1.00
00:17:49.000 It would be a robot that eats people. 1.00
00:17:52.000 Why? 0.99
00:17:53.000 Because it's going to kill people, right?
00:17:55.000 It's going to be sent there as a military machine. 1.00
00:17:56.000 And then it's just like, even though I have killed your loved one, watch in horror as I consume its flesh and power me further to kill you next. 0.97
00:18:07.000 I defaulted to a pretty bad and kind of stereotypical, and one might even say racist robot voice. 0.97
00:18:13.000 I apologize for that.
00:18:14.000 What race would that be?
00:18:18.000 Monotones.
00:18:18.000 I feel no love nor pain.
00:18:20.000 And they can make it look scary, too, man.
00:18:22.000 They can make it look like Venom, like from the Star Wars books.
00:18:26.000 Spider-Man?
00:18:27.000 Spider-Man books.
00:18:28.000 I don't know if that would be scary. 0.99
00:18:29.000 People would be like, holy fuck, Venom's here. 1.00
00:18:30.000 This rocks. 0.99
00:18:31.000 It would be pretty cool if you were a Venom fan.
00:18:33.000 It needs to look like...
00:18:34.000 That face.
00:18:35.000 This giant face with the extra wide...
00:18:36.000 That just becomes unhinged.
00:18:37.000 Yeah.
00:18:38.000 I mean, that, if that was in the Eater robot...
00:18:41.000 Would that scare you more or would it scare you more if there were like the Eater robot, its head is full of hypodermic needles, each one more toxic than the last and infectable at a moment's touch?
00:18:57.000 Whoa.
00:18:59.000 Those are terrible too.
00:19:01.000 Do you want to drown or do you want to get eaten by the shark?
00:19:04.000 That's a good question.
00:19:06.000 Have you spoken about Roseanne yet?
00:19:09.000 Not publicly.
00:19:11.000 Have you had private conversations enough to form some sort of thought process on it?
00:19:14.000 I talked to Ben Shapiro about it today on his show, but it won't be out until Sunday.
00:19:20.000 Have you ever encountered her in the world?
00:19:22.000 I know Roseanne.
00:19:24.000 I talked to her on the phone, and I believe every word she said.
00:19:29.000 She told me that she was taking Ambien. 1.00
00:19:31.000 And that she was drunk on Memorial Day weekend, and she tweeted a bunch of stupid shit, and she's out of her fucking mind. 1.00
00:19:37.000 And she said, you know, in her words, I need to adjust my meds. 1.00
00:19:42.000 You know, I'm not thinking straight.
00:19:44.000 And she was talking about how exhausted she got doing that television show, and she got bronchitis, and she was overworked. 0.95
00:19:50.000 I think she's stressing the fuck out. 0.98
00:19:52.000 She also told me that she did not know that that lady was even black. 1.00
00:19:56.000 She thought that lady was Jewish. 1.00
00:19:58.000 And she said to me, like, do you really think that I would make a joke about a black lady and say, I wouldn't fucking do that. 1.00
00:20:04.000 She's like, I thought she was Jewish. 0.99
00:20:05.000 Look at her.
00:20:06.000 So I did look at her.
00:20:08.000 Like, pull up her Wikipedia page.
00:20:10.000 This lady.
00:20:13.000 She, um... 0.99
00:20:14.000 I mean, she most certainly...
00:20:17.000 Pull it up so we can see it.
00:20:18.000 I mean...
00:20:21.000 She most certainly could be African American, for sure. 0.99
00:20:24.000 But she also most certainly could be, like, Hawaiian or Native American or Italian, maybe.
00:20:32.000 She thought Jewish.
00:20:33.000 That's what Roseanne said, Jewish. 0.94
00:20:34.000 This is what she said.
00:20:35.000 I do not know.
00:20:36.000 I don't think she's lying to me.
00:20:38.000 I don't think she's racist.
00:20:40.000 Have you ever taken Ambien?
00:20:41.000 No, I've never taken Ambien.
00:20:43.000 Anybody here ever taken Ambien?
00:20:44.000 A good friend of mine about it today.
00:20:46.000 And he got up in the middle of the night, cooked himself a meal, ate it, went to sleep, got up in the morning, and had no recollection of it.
00:21:11.000 I hate to be this guy, but during that meal at any point, did he...
00:21:19.000 It's a spooky story to be like, I took Ambien and I made myself some food. 0.98
00:21:25.000 It's an even spookier story to be like, I took Ambien and I fucking killed somebody. 0.97
00:21:28.000 But it's a stretch to be like, I took Ambien and I said something I would never say in a million years. 0.98
00:21:35.000 It heartens me To hear you say that she said that she wasn't aware of the ladies' race.
00:21:43.000 Yeah.
00:21:43.000 Because, you know, I don't know her.
00:21:45.000 All I know her from is Roseanne.
00:21:47.000 All I know her from is decades of watching her in media, her TV show.
00:21:51.000 I followed her before the TV show.
00:21:54.000 It didn't seem like...
00:22:01.000 I think? 1.00
00:22:14.000 Like, really confident lady who shit on stupid men. 1.00
00:22:19.000 And she did it in this, like, really bold way in stand-up that was very unique for the time. 1.00
00:22:25.000 I think if people go back and you watch, like, some of her early stand-up when she was coming out of Denver, The domestic goddess stuff.
00:22:30.000 She was a beast, man. 0.89
00:22:32.000 She was a beast. 0.99
00:22:32.000 She was crushing. 0.99
00:22:33.000 She was crushing.
00:22:35.000 And then she got that sitcom, and it's absolutely one of the greatest sitcoms of all time. 0.95
00:22:40.000 But now she's 65 years old, and it's fucking hard for her. 0.54
00:22:44.000 And that schedule, she was telling me, was absolutely brutal. 0.98
00:22:47.000 They were killing her with all the work.
00:22:51.000 I don't know her very well, but I do know there was another time where she said something about Susan Rice, who is another African-American woman, and she said something about her and compared her to... 0.99
00:23:05.000 Swinging balls. 0.98
00:23:06.000 Yeah, something like swinging ape balls. 0.87
00:23:11.000 So that's two for two.
00:23:12.000 It's two, yeah.
00:23:14.000 Well, this one for sure, right?
00:23:15.000 Because this one there's no excuse for.
00:23:17.000 This is one from the past that there was no, you know, like, oh my god, I was on Ambien, I tweeted this.
00:23:22.000 No one said anything. 0.99
00:23:23.000 Susan Rice is a man with big swinging ape balls. 1.00
00:23:27.000 And that wasn't meant to be a compliment, I guess. 0.99
00:23:30.000 That's 2013. Okay, so that's a long time ago.
00:23:33.000 That's five years ago.
00:23:34.000 Oh, and you can, I mean, I don't know if it's still available, but you can go through a timeline and see a bunch of things.
00:23:40.000 Yeah.
00:23:40.000 Or not like a comedian being funny, but, you know, beliefs.
00:23:45.000 Right.
00:23:46.000 That one is, that was a rough one.
00:23:48.000 That to me is a way rougher one.
00:23:51.000 It's way rougher.
00:23:52.000 Like that one is like, that's what you said.
00:23:55.000 I mean, it is what it is.
00:23:56.000 You know, if you said that the other lady looked like Planet of the Apes just because of her haircut, because she looks like the lead woman. 1.00
00:24:03.000 Zira?
00:24:03.000 Yeah, she looked like Zira.
00:24:05.000 There was like a photo of her back.
00:24:06.000 It was just like the way her haircut was and her outfit was.
00:24:09.000 I think some people, you know, would...
00:24:12.000 But if you didn't know that she was black, it's a totally different thing.
00:24:16.000 Do we know that for sure?
00:24:18.000 You know, only she knows for sure, you know.
00:24:20.000 Were you surprised at how quickly it all ended?
00:24:26.000 Yeah.
00:24:27.000 That was the part of the story that, again, I have no skin in the game other than I watched the old Roseanne and I was enjoying the new Roseanne as well.
00:24:36.000 But I came home from, like, I was in Vegas the other day and I flew home yesterday morning and then I had a meeting over at the studios, like, at noon.
00:24:45.000 So I took a nap when I got home.
00:24:47.000 And all of a sudden my wife wakes me up and she goes, you got a meeting, don't forget.
00:24:51.000 It's 11.30.
00:24:52.000 Oh, and Roseanne's been canceled.
00:24:54.000 And I'm like, that's impossible.
00:24:57.000 I was groggy, but I'm like, that's impossible.
00:25:00.000 Like 20 million people are watching that show.
00:25:03.000 And she said, she tweeted something racist. 0.99
00:25:05.000 So I fucking pick up my phone and I look at it and stuff. 1.00
00:25:08.000 And by the time, this had happened in the span of the hour I took a fucking nap. 0.99
00:25:15.000 The network acted so fucking incredibly fast. 0.99
00:25:18.000 There was no prevarication, equivocation. 0.94
00:25:20.000 No, dude, they had that act sharpened and ready.
00:25:23.000 It was nuts!
00:25:24.000 Like, all of a sudden, they were just like, we're done!
00:25:26.000 We don't know her! 0.87
00:25:27.000 Disabow! 1.00
00:25:28.000 And I think it was so surprising because it's been a while since somebody did something even...
00:25:40.000 Superficially moral.
00:25:41.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:25:42.000 I've read a lot of articles online where people are like, hey man, ABC didn't own the show, so of course they didn't have as much skin in the game, so it was easy for them to cancel it.
00:25:51.000 Would they have canceled it as fast if they owned the show? 0.79
00:25:53.000 You can make a bunch of caveats, but at the end of the day...
00:25:58.000 Something bad happened and then the network reacted.
00:26:01.000 A major company, a major corporation reacted and acted.
00:26:06.000 Do you think what they did is the right way to handle it?
00:26:08.000 To just immediately cancel the show?
00:26:09.000 I personally would have...
00:26:12.000 Maybe fired her and kept everybody else. 1.00
00:26:14.000 Done like the, you know, Valerie. 0.98
00:26:16.000 Have her die off? 0.99
00:26:17.000 Yeah.
00:26:17.000 Or just use computer animation?
00:26:19.000 You could replace her with a Pixar-ish character, but I think you can tell equally compelling stories.
00:26:25.000 Like, without her.
00:26:26.000 Honestly, like, the nine episodes that they've done this season, she really hasn't been the driving factor of the stories.
00:26:32.000 It's been more about Darlene.
00:26:33.000 That's who I felt bad for when this whole thing imploded, because I'm like, she put this show together, Sarah Gilbert.
00:26:42.000 And she was crushing on it.
00:26:43.000 She was really good.
00:26:44.000 Showing off what a great actress she is.
00:26:46.000 But now everybody's out of jobs.
00:26:47.000 Feel bad for John Goodman.
00:26:48.000 I've worked with him before.
00:26:49.000 And he was wonderful on the show.
00:26:51.000 They could have sustained the show without her, I think.
00:26:54.000 Can she be forgiven?
00:26:56.000 Sure.
00:26:58.000 Didn't Mel Gibson get forgiven?
00:26:59.000 Isn't he working again?
00:27:00.000 Well, Mel Gibson, it was also a case of him being intoxicated, right?
00:27:04.000 He was yelling some anti-Semitic stuff at a cop who was drunk.
00:27:07.000 Well, I mean, never mind that. 0.82
00:27:08.000 Didn't he also punch his ex-wife? 1.00
00:27:10.000 There was a more violent action than him just saying, hey, sugar tits. 1.00
00:27:14.000 His wife had recorded him? 0.99
00:27:17.000 She recorded him yelling at her on the phone.
00:27:20.000 So nobody knows if he truly hit her.
00:27:22.000 I don't know.
00:27:23.000 All right, my bad.
00:27:23.000 I thought that was part of the story.
00:27:24.000 I don't know.
00:27:25.000 I don't know.
00:27:25.000 I don't know even the specifics of any accusations.
00:27:28.000 I also didn't follow it that closely.
00:27:31.000 And not because I'm like, man, that's Martin Riggs.
00:27:33.000 I don't want to hear nothing bad about him.
00:27:35.000 I just didn't follow it because I'm like, ugh.
00:27:37.000 Yeah, man.
00:27:40.000 Can she be forgiven?
00:27:41.000 Sure.
00:27:42.000 Will she be forgiven?
00:27:43.000 I don't know.
00:27:44.000 I mean, look.
00:27:45.000 She should have tweeted what you said instead of, oh my god, I took Ambien.
00:27:51.000 That turned into an opportunity for a major pharmaceutical company to put out one of the best zingers Twitter's ever seen.
00:27:59.000 This is a company, they're not normally used to...
00:28:03.000 Hey, what should we say to be funny?
00:28:04.000 Like, they have to put out very staid information.
00:28:07.000 And for once, they were like, how about this, guys?
00:28:09.000 We say racism isn't a byproduct of our drug.
00:28:12.000 It was really well said.
00:28:13.000 It was.
00:28:13.000 It was funny.
00:28:14.000 It was well worded.
00:28:15.000 Makes you sit there and go like, why didn't I tweet that?
00:28:17.000 Whoever wrote it was pretty slick.
00:28:21.000 The thing Ambien does do, though, it definitely makes you act bizarre.
00:28:26.000 This is the sleep aid, right?
00:28:28.000 This is the one that's supposed to make you go to sleep.
00:28:30.000 I mean, if you just...
00:28:31.000 Can't people just smoke weed?
00:28:34.000 Eat edibles?
00:28:35.000 That would help.
00:28:36.000 Right?
00:28:36.000 There's websites dedicated to people that have had crazy experiences on that stuff.
00:28:40.000 I've seen a few of those stories.
00:28:41.000 The one that you told me about your friend cooking dinner is about the fourth time somebody's communicated that story.
00:28:46.000 Now, it could have been because they've been listening to your show and you may have said that story before.
00:28:50.000 We probably have.
00:28:51.000 People drive cars on it.
00:28:53.000 They go places.
00:28:54.000 Without realizing.
00:28:54.000 Yeah, they don't know what they're doing.
00:28:56.000 They get places.
00:28:56.000 It's like the serpent in the rainbow, man.
00:28:58.000 You become zombified and you're like, I'm not dead. 1.00
00:29:00.000 You're Bill Pullman in a fucking casket. 0.99
00:29:02.000 Well, there was a guy that got pulled over a few years back who was famous. 1.00
00:29:07.000 And I forget what he said something about like I got to get to the dance or something like that and the cops are like what the fuck are you talking about? 0.97
00:29:14.000 And they realized like he was kind of out of it and then after it was over it was revealed that he had been on Ambien and that he had gotten in his car and really had no idea what the fuck. 0.98
00:29:23.000 He didn't even know he was talking to cops. 0.94
00:29:24.000 Like literally the guy was in a dream.
00:29:26.000 It reminds me of when I was a kid.
00:29:28.000 This was not drug-related, but I was a kid.
00:29:31.000 I was sleeping.
00:29:31.000 I fell asleep on the couch watching TV. And before my brother had lost his fucking wallet at a school dance, and my mother was like, I'll drive you up there and try to find it.
00:29:40.000 And my father would get up for work at about 9 o'clock at night and then head to work at 10 o'clock. 0.98
00:29:44.000 And I think he started work at 11 o'clock at night. 0.99
00:29:46.000 He worked at the post office canceling fucking stamps. 0.99
00:29:51.000 So my mom tells me that and I fall asleep on the couch watching like fucking Dynasty or some sort of shit. 0.99
00:29:57.000 It was the 80s. 0.98
00:29:57.000 And then my dad wakes me up because he woke up and nobody was home. 0.98
00:30:01.000 Like my mom wasn't around.
00:30:02.000 Nobody was there.
00:30:03.000 And he's like, where is everybody? 0.90
00:30:06.000 And he fucking startled me awake, so I was like, what? 0.96
00:30:08.000 Oh, Donald, they had to go to the school because Donald lost his thriller. 0.98
00:30:13.000 And my father goes, what?
00:30:15.000 And I was like, Donald lost his thriller.
00:30:17.000 And he was like, I don't know what you're saying.
00:30:19.000 And I was like, Mom said that Donald lost his thriller.
00:30:22.000 And I kept replacing the word wallet. 0.99
00:30:24.000 With fucking Thriller. 0.99
00:30:25.000 And my father looked at me and literally set me aside the next day to be like, are you using drugs? 1.00
00:30:31.000 And I was like, no.
00:30:32.000 You woke me up.
00:30:33.000 I guess I was in some sort of... 0.99
00:30:35.000 Maybe I was dreaming about fucking Thriller. 0.98
00:30:36.000 It was 1982. Yeah, your brain just never clicked back over into waking life. 0.99
00:30:41.000 You stayed in this weird zombie land.
00:30:43.000 Where wallet meant Thriller.
00:30:44.000 Did you find that...
00:30:45.000 No?
00:30:48.000 Dude got pulled over and I'm trying to remember what he told the cops where they realized that something was going on.
00:30:53.000 I think it was in one of the articles that I tweeted.
00:30:56.000 The story was in one of the articles that I tweeted.
00:30:59.000 What happens in that instance?
00:31:01.000 You get in trouble?
00:31:01.000 Can they arrest you for being the Ambien driver?
00:31:04.000 It's a rare reaction. 1.00
00:31:07.000 Because a lot of people take that shit. 1.00
00:31:09.000 And you don't hear this story all the time. 1.00
00:31:12.000 There's not a webpage.
00:31:13.000 They're not selling just a couple of those pills a day.
00:31:15.000 And there's no webpage devoted to stories of people who took Ambien and got fired for being racist.
00:31:21.000 Right.
00:31:21.000 Well, even better, there's no stories of people that took Ambien and, you know, became addicted to it and became some sort of a – where is there?
00:31:32.000 Is it addictive?
00:31:33.000 Is Ambien addictive?
00:31:35.000 Yeah, probably, yeah.
00:31:37.000 I think they're like getting addicted to falling asleep or needing it to fall asleep probably, yeah.
00:31:41.000 Yeah, I guess if you're somebody who's like, I can't go to sleep without that.
00:31:44.000 Yeah, I wonder if it's addictive, like maybe like a heroin is addictive.
00:31:48.000 No, right?
00:31:48.000 Or like a speed, you know, like people get like physically addicted to things.
00:31:52.000 Where it kind of changes the receptors on your...
00:31:55.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:31:55.000 Yeah, I don't know if it dulls the senses to the point where like when you...
00:32:00.000 I mean, that's what the way I... Heroin was always explained to me was...
00:32:05.000 When you're on heroin, the senses get dulled.
00:32:07.000 The nerve receptors just don't take in as much.
00:32:11.000 But when you're not on heroin, that pain of withdrawal, part of it is the receptors coming back to life all at once.
00:32:20.000 And it was likened... 1.00
00:32:21.000 Yeah, Jason Muse, a long time ago, had problems with that shit. 0.99
00:32:25.000 So it was one of the rehab... 0.99
00:32:27.000 Doctors communicated it thusly. 0.99
00:32:28.000 He said, you know how when you sit on your hand and it fucking falls asleep? 0.96
00:32:32.000 I'm like, yeah, totally. 0.98
00:32:33.000 He's like, imagine that was your whole body and times it by a million.
00:32:36.000 That's what he's going through.
00:32:37.000 Wow.
00:32:38.000 And I was like, oh. 0.99
00:32:38.000 And then, you know, because up until then I was always like, just fucking stop doing heroin. 0.99
00:32:42.000 Just stop it. 0.98
00:32:43.000 And then meanwhile I was eating a lot of sugar. 1.00
00:32:45.000 Just stop doing your drug and eating my fucking drug. 1.00
00:32:48.000 But once that dude explained it that way, I was like, oh, that would be fucking painful. 1.00
00:32:54.000 No wonder the kid doesn't want to get off heroin, because he's like, I know the path to not being on heroin is full of pins and needles. 0.91
00:33:02.000 But you never die from it.
00:33:04.000 That's the good thing about that.
00:33:05.000 You don't die from heroin withdrawal.
00:33:07.000 We know from Amy Winehouse and other cases that you can die from alcohol withdrawal.
00:33:14.000 When you're in jail and you're kicking heroin, the cops just be like, here, just keep throwing up and pissing.
00:33:23.000 But if you're kicking booze, they have to give you booze because your heart could stop.
00:33:27.000 What are we looking at? 1.00
00:33:27.000 Look at this fucking article he pulled up. 1.00
00:33:29.000 An estimated 446,000 people in the United States were current misusers of Ambien. 0.99
00:33:37.000 Now what does a misuser mean?
00:33:39.000 Dangerous dependency to Ambien can develop after just two weeks of use.
00:33:43.000 Don't attempt to quit without proper knowledge and before putting a medical treatment plan into place.
00:33:49.000 Wow.
00:33:50.000 Two weeks is all it takes.
00:33:51.000 Two weeks.
00:33:52.000 And you're Gonsville, son.
00:33:54.000 Maybe.
00:33:55.000 Maybe not.
00:33:55.000 Maybe you're fine.
00:33:56.000 You're driving around having conversations with the cop.
00:33:58.000 Maybe one of those guys that uses Ambien and gets a good night's sleep and has a better performance at the job in the morning.
00:34:04.000 Where you just lose a word.
00:34:06.000 You're like, Donald lost his thriller.
00:34:08.000 And that's the lowest, mildest form of your Ambien.
00:34:10.000 Yeah, just every now and then you skip a word.
00:34:12.000 Which I do now.
00:34:13.000 I call that hitting a pothole.
00:34:15.000 You know, Roseanne is, she's an older lady. 1.00
00:34:18.000 She's in her 60s. 0.86
00:34:19.000 And, you know, she's had some mental problems.
00:34:22.000 And she's drinking and she's taking that stuff to go to sleep. 0.99
00:34:27.000 And she's not taking it for just two weeks.
00:34:30.000 She's taking it a lot, you know.
00:34:32.000 And she said she needs it to go to sleep.
00:34:35.000 And I think there's a lot of people that feel like they need something to help them go to sleep.
00:34:38.000 That's fine, but then don't tweet. 0.98
00:34:39.000 And for many people, I think it fucking works. 0.96
00:34:41.000 At the end of the day, it's not like, she took Ambien and that makes her bad. 0.99
00:34:44.000 Like, no, it's that she fucking tweeted what she did. 0.98
00:34:47.000 And it's like, if you think for a second that if in using this drug, which I need to go to sleep because I'm a late 60s woman and I need my rest or whatever... 1.00
00:34:57.000 Or you just deserve fucking sleep. 0.98
00:35:00.000 Mercifully I've never suffered from a lack of sleep, but I know people who have and it's fucking mind-bending itself. 0.99
00:35:05.000 But if you know you have to do that, and you know there's the slightest chance that You could become somebody else or say things that are not in your character. 0.99
00:35:15.000 Give up your fucking social media, man. 0.99
00:35:18.000 I don't think she probably realized that she was obviously going to do that. 1.00
00:35:22.000 I think she had tweeted ridiculous shit in the past before and it flew under the radar and nobody cared. 0.99
00:35:27.000 But it's a racism thing. 1.00
00:35:29.000 What's fascinating to me about it and what's positive to me about it is that we have, our culture has like a fucking zero tolerance for racism now. 0.93
00:35:38.000 Things have tightened up so much.
00:35:41.000 Like, it's entirely possible that within a few decades, like, racism can be almost completely eradicated.
00:35:50.000 I think it's possible.
00:35:51.000 With the spread of the internet, we're going into, like, 50 years from now, 60 years from now, racism could be seen as the ridiculous idea that it is.
00:36:00.000 Racism could be seen the way someone like you looks at it, or someone like Jamie.
00:36:05.000 It'll be like a Roddenberry.
00:36:10.000 Yeah, the distrust and hate for specific gigantic general groups of people, like Asians or blacks or whatever, and the disparaging ideas that you have about a race.
00:36:28.000 Just because a person's from a specific part of the world. 1.00
00:36:32.000 That shit has got to be a thing of the past. 0.99
00:36:33.000 We've got to get past that. 1.00
00:36:35.000 I would love to believe that, but unfortunately we live in a bubble out here.
00:36:39.000 We do live in a bubble, but I think the bubble's spreading.
00:36:40.000 California is a place that actually does kind of work.
00:36:44.000 Believe me, I've heard people out there about to like... 0.99
00:36:47.000 Judge the fact that he's fucking selling California. 1.00
00:36:50.000 California blows! 1.00
00:36:51.000 I'm not saying, like, yay, California, fuck the rest of the world, or fuck the rest of the country, but I will say this. 1.00
00:36:57.000 Everyone here lives fairly multiculturally, and there doesn't seem to be... 0.99
00:37:01.000 I mean, granted, in this area of the state, perhaps it's different elsewhere, but it feels, I'm not going to say utopian, but it feels like people get along out here.
00:37:12.000 Even if it's a plastic get-along, it's still...
00:37:14.000 They get along pretty good.
00:37:16.000 Yeah.
00:37:17.000 So much so that I think a lot of people in the state were mystified when the election went the way it did because they were like, what?
00:37:24.000 No, because that's not the way life works.
00:37:27.000 Well, it's not the way life works in most of California.
00:37:30.000 Well, the election went the way it went for a bunch of reasons.
00:37:33.000 A lot of the middle of the country didn't feel represented.
00:37:36.000 They have a significant say when it comes to the...
00:37:43.000 What's it called?
00:37:44.000 Electoral College vote.
00:37:46.000 That's when you get squirrely.
00:37:48.000 When you look at the points that different states are worth.
00:37:53.000 It's very weird that we still have that.
00:37:55.000 It's not a person, one person, one vote.
00:37:57.000 Not even one person, one vote. 0.99
00:37:58.000 It's like these weird fucking spots. 0.99
00:38:01.000 Why isn't it one person, one vote? 0.99
00:38:03.000 This was explained to me in high school why the Electoral College was necessary.
00:38:07.000 And even then I was like, Yeah, but one person, one vote kind of makes more sense, no? 0.99
00:38:13.000 Both you and I know jack shit about politics. 0.79
00:38:16.000 This makes this journey of words very difficult. 1.00
00:38:20.000 Some where people are bleeding from their ears going, fucking idiots! 1.00
00:38:23.000 But the checks and balances that are in play, like the representative government, is what keeps someone from just like running through the whole thing. 1.00
00:38:28.000 And we get a little bit of a test to it by like Trump.
00:38:32.000 I met a buddy of yours on a plane.
00:38:34.000 What guy?
00:38:34.000 Oh yeah, my friend Aaron.
00:38:36.000 The bear guy.
00:38:36.000 Nice guy.
00:38:37.000 But here's what I wanted to pass on.
00:38:41.000 Like we were on a 45 minute flight maybe.
00:38:44.000 Right.
00:38:45.000 Super smooth.
00:38:47.000 And not in the way of like, hello, I'm Lando Calrissian.
00:38:51.000 But this dude had a thing like a repartee. 0.92
00:38:55.000 Not like he wasn't having sex with somebody, but he had a repartee going with the flight attendant that was so effortless. 0.99
00:39:04.000 And I was sitting next to him and we chit-chatted before the flight and I'd mentioned something about fucking Joe Rogan. 0.99
00:39:10.000 He goes, I know Joe Rogan. 0.97
00:39:11.000 And he talked about hunting and blah, blah, blah.
00:39:13.000 But in any event, For the rest of the flight, I had a front row seat for him talking to the flight attendant.
00:39:20.000 And it was a real clinic in like, oh, he's got that thing that I've had to make up for not having my whole life.
00:39:32.000 You don't want to talk to people?
00:39:33.000 Well, not even just talk to people. 0.99
00:39:36.000 The way you watch a fucking movie star say two things and people are like, no, you. 0.99
00:39:43.000 He just had this person in the palm of his hand. 0.99
00:39:46.000 And I'm being very careful because I don't want it to seem like he was making the moves on it.
00:39:50.000 He wasn't.
00:39:52.000 But he easily could have been with that person by the flight's end.
00:39:58.000 And it was just, as I sat there watching it going like, I've had to make up for a deficit my whole life and be like, here, here's some funny things. 0.99
00:40:05.000 And hey, I saw Star Wars and talk about all this other shit to try to trick somebody into fucking me. 0.97
00:40:10.000 This guy just like sits down on the plane and was like, what's up? 0.99
00:40:14.000 And she was like, oh, you.
00:40:15.000 And instantly started going, talking to him.
00:40:18.000 And I was trying to discern throughout the whole flight.
00:40:20.000 Do they know each other?
00:40:21.000 Does he see her on this flight often or something?
00:40:23.000 No.
00:40:24.000 Dry.
00:40:24.000 He hit that flight as dry as anybody else and literally could have walked away hand in hand with somebody.
00:40:30.000 It was very impressive.
00:40:31.000 He's got bow hunter confidence.
00:40:32.000 Is that what it is?
00:40:33.000 Yeah, that's what it is.
00:40:34.000 It's got to be.
00:40:35.000 It's the same thing you exude.
00:40:36.000 He's not even a regular bow hunter.
00:40:37.000 He's like a super advanced bow hunter where a compound bow was too easy for him.
00:40:41.000 He said that.
00:40:41.000 Well, he didn't say it like that.
00:40:42.000 So he switched over to a recurve bow.
00:40:43.000 Yes.
00:40:44.000 So he has to get closer to animals and has to practice more.
00:40:47.000 He was explaining that.
00:40:48.000 My friend Aaron Snyder. 0.91
00:40:49.000 He's a little bit crazy.
00:40:50.000 Without even, he was explaining that, and it didn't sound braggy. 0.70
00:40:54.000 Well, he's got a really good podcast.
00:40:55.000 It's a podcast called Kifaru Cast.
00:40:57.000 What's it called?
00:40:58.000 Kifaru, K-I-F-A-R-U. It's a company that he works for that makes really high-end hunting and hiking backpacks and military backpacks, and he does a podcast through them.
00:41:10.000 And he's very good at it.
00:41:12.000 He's very good at talking.
00:41:13.000 He's a funny dude. 0.98
00:41:14.000 I can fucking attest to it. 0.98
00:41:15.000 I sat there and watched him be very good at it. 0.99
00:41:18.000 But he's got that bowhunter confidence.
00:41:19.000 Is that what it is?
00:41:19.000 Yeah, I think so.
00:41:20.000 It's not a swagger.
00:41:21.000 Like, there was nothing about him that instantly, I mean, he was definitely very macho, but there was nothing about his thing that was like, I'm a guy's guy.
00:41:31.000 It wasn't even that.
00:41:32.000 Like, honestly, that flight attendant probably could have been a guy, and if Aaron was just as interested in short-range bow hunting, he would have landed that guy as well.
00:41:40.000 Like, he was very, I don't know, it was good.
00:41:42.000 Like, when he said, I do a podcast too, it made sense.
00:41:45.000 I was like, I bet you do.
00:41:46.000 Yeah.
00:41:47.000 Smart dude.
00:41:49.000 That's a weird way to live.
00:41:51.000 He spends like 200 nights a year in the forest, sleeping in either a bivy sack or a tent or under a tarp.
00:42:00.000 Just like Robin Hood.
00:42:01.000 He's out there all the time, man.
00:42:03.000 There's not a whole lot of people that are doing that.
00:42:07.000 More woods than man.
00:42:08.000 He's another guy who's ex-military too.
00:42:10.000 It's a lot of these ex-military guys that get really into bow hunting because they find it very difficult and a physical challenge and it's nerve-wracking and it's hard to keep your cool under pressure.
00:42:21.000 And for a lot of guys who they go from the military and maybe do a few tours overseas and come back to...
00:42:28.000 The mainland and just have a real issue with being just not stimulated enough and you feel detached and you don't feel like you're involved in anything that's got like a high adrenaline threshold and for a lot of these guys bow hunting is very therapeutic.
00:42:44.000 So is that an issue when people come back The issue I always hear about, of course, is PTSD. But that sounds like the opposite.
00:42:52.000 Like somebody who's like, I was there for the rush and now the real world offers, like that's that move, Hurt Locker.
00:42:58.000 Not even necessarily that they were, yeah, like Hurt Locker.
00:43:01.000 Not even necessarily that they're there for the rush, but that once they experience that rush, you know, gotta bring this book up too much.
00:43:09.000 But Sebastian Junger wrote a book called Tribe, and it's all about this.
00:43:13.000 And it's about these guys coming back from war and trying to Just sort of assimilate and having a really difficult time and how so many of them talk about when they were over there they had a purpose and that the life was intensified and cranked up to 10 and the highs were the highest and the lows were the lowest and they come back here and everything's just too flat.
00:43:33.000 It's just really hard for them to adjust and they feel disconnected from their community and they long to go back.
00:43:40.000 And that's why a lot of them keep signing up and going back.
00:43:42.000 And they feel that that life at the tip of the spear is actually more satisfying, more rewarding.
00:43:50.000 It just feels right for them.
00:43:52.000 And the regular world, just for whatever reason, they've just tasted it or they've adjusted to it.
00:43:57.000 But they have a very, very difficult time, some of them do.
00:44:00.000 What was the closest you've ever felt to that?
00:44:04.000 Like, have you ever gotten close to the feeling of, like, what have you done in life that has given you the adrenaline high?
00:44:10.000 What's your highest adrenaline rush, I guess I'm asking?
00:44:14.000 Probably the most nervous I ever got was when I was fighting, when I was doing martial arts.
00:44:18.000 Because that was a nervous for a good reason. 0.99
00:44:20.000 It's like, you might get fucked up. 1.00
00:44:22.000 It's really possible you might get kicked in the head. 0.99
00:44:24.000 But the second most nervous was before I did stand-up for the first time. 0.98
00:44:29.000 I was shitting my pants, man. 0.99
00:44:30.000 I was really fucking nervous. 0.99
00:44:32.000 Why? 0.98
00:44:33.000 I don't know.
00:44:34.000 I don't know.
00:44:35.000 Were you living room funny?
00:44:36.000 Were you high school funny?
00:44:38.000 I was locker room funny.
00:44:40.000 I would make my friends laugh in the locker room.
00:44:43.000 I got talked into it by a good buddy of mine, my friend Steve Graham, who I'm still good friends with.
00:44:48.000 He talked me into it.
00:44:49.000 Him and my friend Ed Shorter, they talked me into it.
00:44:52.000 I would make them laugh. 0.99
00:44:54.000 But I thought that they were laughing because they were my friends, and I thought everybody else is going to think I'm an asshole. 0.98
00:44:59.000 Oh, you thought they're just being polite. 0.99
00:45:01.000 Well, that, too, and, like, my sense of humor was fucked up because it was all fighters, you know? 0.94
00:45:07.000 And so everybody was, like, they were hard men. 0.98
00:45:10.000 So you had to have, like, a certain sting to your gallows humor while everybody was on their way to go kick people in the head.
00:45:17.000 It was just a weird life, you know?
00:45:20.000 It was a very, very strange way to be 15. Right, right.
00:45:23.000 And, you know, have 15, 16, 17. That was like my whole life until I was 21. So wait, that wasn't the adrenaline rush?
00:45:29.000 The adrenaline rush of doing stand-up was unexpected.
00:45:32.000 That's why it freaked me out.
00:45:33.000 Because I didn't think I was going to be so nervous. 0.52
00:45:34.000 And I was shitting my pants.
00:45:36.000 I just didn't have a background in performing.
00:45:37.000 And right before I was going up there, I was thinking all the times that I fought and I should be comfortable doing this.
00:45:43.000 Right. 0.99
00:45:43.000 But I was fucking shitting my pants. 0.99
00:45:46.000 Right. 1.00
00:45:46.000 I was so terrible. 1.00
00:45:47.000 I was so terrified.
00:45:49.000 Where was it?
00:45:49.000 It was in Boston, a place called Stitches.
00:45:51.000 Are they still there?
00:45:52.000 August 27, 1988. No.
00:45:54.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
00:45:55.000 You know the date? 1.00
00:45:56.000 Yeah, for sure.
00:45:56.000 You're going to make me cry.
00:45:57.000 That's awesome.
00:45:58.000 Why do you remember that?
00:45:59.000 I don't know.
00:45:59.000 I always remembered it.
00:46:00.000 Say it again.
00:46:01.000 August 27, 1988. Because naturally, everything I hear, I have to put through a filter of, how does this affect me?
00:46:07.000 So I'm sitting there going, what was I doing?
00:46:09.000 August 27, 1988. I had just graduated high school.
00:46:13.000 In June.
00:46:15.000 And where was I working? 0.94
00:46:17.000 I was working at Buy Right Liquors and shit like that. 0.81
00:46:20.000 And it would be... 0.94
00:46:23.000 Two years before I would go onto the stage at Rascals in Eatontown between the Monmouth Mall and the CV Square Mall and try it myself.
00:46:31.000 And I didn't shit my pants.
00:46:32.000 Was that from West Orange? 0.55
00:46:33.000 No, that's up north.
00:46:35.000 Ours is down by Asbury Park.
00:46:38.000 This place was a couple miles from Asbury Park.
00:46:40.000 Oh, that's right.
00:46:40.000 That's south.
00:46:40.000 Yeah.
00:46:41.000 I did that one, too.
00:46:42.000 I did that once.
00:46:42.000 You were at Rascals as a pro?
00:46:43.000 Yeah.
00:46:43.000 Yeah, as a pro.
00:46:44.000 I went on an open mic night. 0.99
00:46:46.000 And I didn't tell my fucking friends because I was terrified my friends would be like, why do you think you're funny? 0.99
00:46:52.000 I was not the funniest of my friends so I wasn't sitting there going like, yeah man, come support me. 0.99
00:46:57.000 I kind of did it on the sly and stuff.
00:47:00.000 And I did five minutes and I made like one joke.
00:47:03.000 That really worked. 1.00
00:47:04.000 A bit about sucking my own dick. 1.00
00:47:06.000 And that wound up in Clerks. 1.00
00:47:09.000 It was tested in front of the audience, so I was like, well, I know that might get a laugh and stuff.
00:47:13.000 So how long was your first beat, and was it open mic?
00:47:16.000 It was open mic, yeah.
00:47:17.000 I think they gave you five minutes.
00:47:19.000 And I don't think I even had five minutes.
00:47:21.000 I think I had four.
00:47:22.000 What did you do?
00:47:23.000 Observe?
00:47:23.000 No, I just told some terrible jokes.
00:47:27.000 Terrible jokes that I'd written.
00:47:28.000 Like literally set up punchlines?
00:47:29.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:47:30.000 Yeah, they were awful.
00:47:31.000 The stuff that I'd written.
00:47:33.000 You know, just weird stuff.
00:47:34.000 Did you write them down?
00:47:35.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:47:35.000 I even had a piece of paper that I brought with me on stage because I was terrified I was going to forget.
00:47:40.000 A lot of guys in the beginning.
00:47:41.000 You knew you were a pro when you could put that paper away.
00:47:44.000 I'm about to cry. 0.98
00:47:45.000 That's so fucking sweet, man. 0.99
00:47:47.000 A young you. 0.98
00:47:47.000 How old are you at this point? 0.98
00:47:48.000 I was 21. So, why'd you wait so long after high school?
00:47:52.000 Because you had to be 21. To get up?
00:47:54.000 Yeah, you had to be going to a nightclub.
00:47:56.000 You know, that's what I thought.
00:47:57.000 Apparently I was wrong though, and they would allow you as a performer to go in there younger, but I didn't know this at the time.
00:48:04.000 I thought you had to be 21. So I waited until I was 21, which was August 11th, and then I went up August 27th.
00:48:09.000 What got the biggest laugh?
00:48:12.000 Who knows? 1.00
00:48:13.000 You know the fucking date and you can't remember... 0.99
00:48:16.000 The material was terrible. 0.99
00:48:17.000 I tried to think past it as quickly as possible.
00:48:20.000 I had one joke that I remember.
00:48:21.000 This is my impression of a good-looking girl getting pulled over by a cop. 0.60
00:48:25.000 Like, do you realize how fast you're going?
00:48:27.000 No. 1.00
00:48:28.000 Do you like my tits? 1.00
00:48:29.000 Yes, I do. 1.00
00:48:30.000 Here's a warning.
00:48:31.000 Like, it was that bad.
00:48:33.000 That's how bad the comedy I was slinging in 1988 was.
00:48:37.000 I would have wanted to take you home, man, and put you on a shelf.
00:48:40.000 Like, that's an adorable joke, ladies and gentlemen.
00:48:42.000 Wait a second, so how many years before news radio is that?
00:48:45.000 Um, 88 was six years.
00:48:47.000 So, technically, if one follows the journey backwards... 0.99
00:48:51.000 That fucking terrible joke lands you eventually on news radio. 0.99
00:48:55.000 Yeah, in a way. 1.00
00:48:56.000 And gets you this fucking building. 1.00
00:48:58.000 Yeah, in a way. 1.00
00:48:59.000 Let's not mock that joke anymore.
00:49:00.000 That was a good, strong quote.
00:49:01.000 Well, that's the weird wings of a butterfly that becomes a hurricane, right?
00:49:04.000 Like, when you go back in your life and think about weird little lefts you took or rights you took.
00:49:10.000 There's a bunch of those.
00:49:11.000 When I had, three months ago, I had a heart attack.
00:49:13.000 When I was on the...
00:49:15.000 Table, because the doctor was just like, you have 100% occlusion in your LAD. And I was like, I don't know what that means.
00:49:24.000 He said, your LAD is the main artery that goes across the front of your heart.
00:49:28.000 He's going, 100% occlusion means 100% blocked.
00:49:33.000 Cholesterol is blocked.
00:49:34.000 There's no way for blood to get through, and that's what's creating your massive heart attack.
00:49:38.000 So he's like, we're going to take care of it right now.
00:49:40.000 He goes, but you're a comic book guy, right?
00:49:42.000 I said, yeah.
00:49:43.000 And he goes, you'll like this.
00:49:44.000 That artery, that's called the widow maker.
00:49:46.000 And I said, why?
00:49:47.000 And he goes, because in 80% of cases of 100% occlusion, the patient always dies.
00:49:53.000 He's going, but you're going to be in the 20% because I'm really good at my job. 0.99
00:49:56.000 And he fucking disappeared into my crotch, went up my groin, through my femoral artery, and fucking went up into my heart and put a stent in that LAD. And the moment he opened up, he goes, I'm going to open it up now. 0.99
00:50:07.000 And he showed me what it was, tiny little mesh wire thing.
00:50:09.000 He goes, I'm going to open it.
00:50:11.000 Suddenly it was like... 0.99
00:50:13.000 Because that artery had been like a hose if you bend it and it's fucking full of water and shit. 0.99
00:50:18.000 It was pushing down on the heart, which was in turn pushing down on my lungs. 0.99
00:50:21.000 I had no idea I was having a heart attack.
00:50:23.000 I just felt like I couldn't catch my breath.
00:50:24.000 I thought I was too high.
00:50:25.000 And it was in between shows, right?
00:50:27.000 Between two gigs.
00:50:28.000 And you were filming.
00:50:29.000 We shot them both. 1.00
00:50:30.000 Well, we were going to shoot them both. 0.99
00:50:31.000 We only shot the one because I had the heart attack and we didn't do the second one.
00:50:34.000 But it was for the folks at Comedy Dynamics and it became a Showtime special.
00:50:39.000 So we were shooting two shows that night.
00:50:41.000 It was meant to be like an hour and an hour. 0.85
00:50:43.000 But, you know, once you get up there, I feel like, I'm fucking rolling, I'm rolling. 0.65
00:50:45.000 So I did two hours. 0.51
00:50:47.000 And after the first show, they were like, we don't even need to do the second show.
00:50:50.000 We're only cutting an hour out of it, so you gave us plenty and stuff.
00:50:53.000 I said, I got two different hours, so I want to do the second show.
00:50:56.000 And plus, everyone was there.
00:50:57.000 They were lined up. 1.00
00:50:59.000 And so I took a big swig of fucking milk. 1.00
00:51:02.000 I was a dairy drinker, heavy dairy drinker in those days. 1.00
00:51:05.000 I've since become vegan. 0.99
00:51:07.000 I used to be happy, now I'm fucking vegan. 0.99
00:51:08.000 But I took a big swig of milk. 0.98
00:51:11.000 Then I went to the green room and I chit-chatted real quick with Jordan, who runs our company.
00:51:15.000 That's Jason's wife, Jason Mewes' wife. 0.98
00:51:18.000 And Emily was there.
00:51:19.000 She does my hair and makeup. 0.88
00:51:21.000 So we were chit-chatting and I was like, man, I feel fucking weird. 0.90
00:51:23.000 I feel sick. 0.96
00:51:24.000 I feel like I'm going to throw up.
00:51:25.000 Can you guys get out of here? 1.00
00:51:26.000 Because when I get sick, I just want to go off like an animal and fucking die alone. 0.99
00:51:29.000 Like, I don't want to be ministered to. 1.00
00:51:31.000 I'm like, fuck off and shit. 1.00
00:51:33.000 So they were like, yeah, totally. 1.00
00:51:35.000 And I laid down on the floor and I felt like nauseated and I never feel sick like that.
00:51:40.000 I wound up throwing up some bile, nothing chunky, but just like fluid.
00:51:43.000 And so I was like, well, maybe I'll feel better now.
00:51:46.000 I stood up and I looked in the mirror and I was just swamped, man. 0.99
00:51:49.000 Now, as a heavy dude, you sweat when you fucking breathe. 0.71
00:51:52.000 This was like, I'd look like I'd just come out of the pool. 0.97
00:51:55.000 And I felt really cold. 0.99
00:51:56.000 I couldn't get warm and shit. 0.99
00:51:58.000 Emily popped her head in and she's like, are you okay? 0.99
00:52:00.000 I was like, no man, can you turn on like a hair dryer and just like dry me off? 0.98
00:52:03.000 I feel fucking freezing cold. 0.89
00:52:05.000 And she touched the back of my neck while she was drying me. 0.98
00:52:07.000 She's like, you never feel like this.
00:52:09.000 This is scary.
00:52:09.000 You should do something.
00:52:10.000 I said, yeah.
00:52:11.000 I said, I still want to do that second show.
00:52:13.000 I was like, so I'm going to find a couch.
00:52:14.000 Just find a couch for me to lay down. 0.87
00:52:16.000 If I get like a half hour nap, I'm sure I'll be fucking fine.
00:52:19.000 And I couldn't get comfortable on the couch, couldn't sleep. 0.99
00:52:23.000 And that's when I started not being able to catch my fucking breath. 0.99
00:52:27.000 So, you know, I'm no doctor, but like fucking you think, you know, I know my body and I know what this is. 1.00
00:52:32.000 I smoke too much weed and I've got too much mucus in my fucking chest. 1.00
00:52:35.000 That's all this is. 0.99
00:52:36.000 So I said, I better sit up and put my arms up like this because that will help me breathe.
00:52:42.000 And Jordan comes around the corner eventually and she sees me.
00:52:46.000 She's like, are you all right?
00:52:47.000 And I was like, you know, having a hard time catching my breath.
00:52:50.000 I can breathe.
00:52:50.000 I just can't get all the way to the top and stuff of the breath.
00:52:53.000 Can't take a full fucking breath. 0.96
00:52:54.000 I was like, maybe we shouldn't do that second show after all. 0.99
00:52:59.000 And she goes, we already canceled it. 0.98
00:53:00.000 And I was like, why the fuck did you cancel the second show? 0.99
00:53:03.000 And she was like, because I've never seen you sick like this. 0.99
00:53:05.000 She's going, you know, this is weird.
00:53:07.000 Something's going on.
00:53:08.000 I said, yeah, maybe I should see a doctor.
00:53:09.000 And she goes, it's Sunday night.
00:53:10.000 All the doctors are closed.
00:53:11.000 So we called an ambulance. 0.99
00:53:12.000 I was like, why the fuck did you call an ambulance? 0.99
00:53:14.000 Oh, my God. 1.00
00:53:15.000 This is embarrassing.
00:53:16.000 She's like, they're already here.
00:53:17.000 And six firemen came into the room. 1.00
00:53:20.000 Big brawny fucking dudes. 0.99
00:53:21.000 When you call paramedics, fire department comes as well. 1.00
00:53:25.000 So, they're looking at me, because I'm sitting in the chair with my arms up, and some of them were young, four of them were young, and they looked at me like, why is Silent Bob celebrating a fucking touchdown?
00:53:35.000 All of a sudden, the medics came in, and there was a guy and a girl, and the guy puts a cuff on me, he goes, how you doing, man?
00:53:41.000 I was like, good, I just can't really catch my breath.
00:53:44.000 And he goes, well, we're going to look at you right now and put this cuff on you.
00:53:48.000 Have you ever had this done?
00:53:49.000 I said, oh yeah, I know how to do this.
00:53:50.000 And then the girl looked like a fishing tackle box. 1.00
00:53:54.000 Had a bunch of leads, wires coming out of it and shit. 0.99
00:53:57.000 She put that down as a heart monitor thing. 0.99
00:53:58.000 You know, they get your fucking blood pressure, all that shit on one arm, then the other thing they put on your chest to monitor what's going on inside. 0.99
00:54:05.000 So she's like, I've got to put these wires on you. 0.99
00:54:07.000 I said, okay.
00:54:08.000 And I'm sitting in the chair, and this is 40 pounds ago. 1.00
00:54:11.000 And sitting is no good angle for a fucking fat guy to begin with and shit like that. 0.99
00:54:15.000 So she just yanks my fucking hockey shirt and my undershirt up, and every titty I have falls out of my fucking shirt in front of these people. 1.00
00:54:24.000 And there's a room full of people, and I'm like, holy fucking shit! 1.00
00:54:27.000 And I yank my shit down. 1.00
00:54:28.000 She's like, what are you doing? 1.00
00:54:29.000 I was like... 1.00
00:54:30.000 Man, that's my fucking best friend's wife over there. 1.00
00:54:32.000 She'd never seen my fucking tits. 1.00
00:54:34.000 My wife's never seen my tits. 1.00
00:54:36.000 Like, I can't, you don't yank my shirt up like that. 0.99
00:54:37.000 She goes, I gotta get these wires on you. 0.94
00:54:39.000 I said, well, I'll hold the shirt out.
00:54:40.000 You reach up under and put them on my chest.
00:54:42.000 She goes, how am I supposed to see? 0.99
00:54:44.000 And I was like, just use my nipples as guideposts. 1.00
00:54:46.000 Like, you know, I've spent all of my life trying to hide my fucking fat. 1.00
00:54:51.000 And when your life is in danger, I've never been in that situation, but when your life is in danger, nobody gives a fuck about your fucking ego and shit like that. 0.99
00:55:00.000 So they looked at their info and they realized, I guess, what was going on. 0.99
00:55:03.000 They were like, we're going to take you to the hospital just to be safe.
00:55:06.000 And I was like, don't do that. 0.99
00:55:07.000 That's fucking embarrassing and shit. 0.99
00:55:08.000 And they were like, nah, we're so close, man. 1.00
00:55:10.000 It'll be fun.
00:55:11.000 You ever been to the hospital?
00:55:12.000 I was like, no, not really.
00:55:13.000 They're like, oh, it's so fun.
00:55:14.000 It's fun.
00:55:15.000 He goes, you're going to have a good time.
00:55:16.000 I was like, all right.
00:55:17.000 And, you know, I'm a podcaster.
00:55:18.000 So I'm like, look, at the end of the day, no time is wasted. 0.99
00:55:21.000 Everything's a fucking story. 0.98
00:55:22.000 So if this turns into the opening five minutes of Hollywood Babylon, where I'm like, they took me to the hospital and it turned out I was just too fucking high. 0.99
00:55:29.000 Like... 0.96
00:55:30.000 Life's great when you're a podcaster because there's no such thing as fucking bad news anymore. 0.99
00:55:35.000 Like, it can hit you on the level of like, oh shit, that's unfortunate. 0.99
00:55:38.000 But right away, you repurpose it into like, alright, well, I got something to talk about. 0.99
00:55:42.000 And this latest setback is just the longest, is just a momentary chapter in the long story you're fucking telling. 0.92
00:55:49.000 So I was happy to go to the hospital, not because I was like, I think I'm dying, but because I was like, alright, fucking I'll have a story to tell after this. 0.96
00:55:57.000 Next week, it'll be fun. 0.63
00:55:58.000 I got to the hospital, like Dr. Leidenheim, he's the guy who's now my cardiologist, they pulled me into the ER and he's like, hi, how are you?
00:56:05.000 I'm Dr. Leidenheim.
00:56:06.000 I said, hey man, how are you?
00:56:07.000 He goes, what's wrong?
00:56:07.000 What's going on?
00:56:08.000 I said, I can't catch my breath.
00:56:11.000 And he goes, well, that's because you're having a massive heart attack.
00:56:13.000 And it was the first time anyone had said anything like that.
00:56:17.000 How did he know for sure?
00:56:18.000 That's what he does.
00:56:19.000 I think what he knew for sure was when they put the leads on me and the blood pressure, they looked at each other at one point.
00:56:27.000 So there's like numbers that'll show up that'll indicate that something just happened.
00:56:31.000 And they made this wonderful call.
00:56:32.000 I gotta find these kids and give them a hug one day.
00:56:35.000 On the call sheet, because we were shooting that night, on the call sheet was a different hospital.
00:56:39.000 But they took me to Glendale Adventist because they knew that I was having a cardiac episode.
00:56:47.000 And that's shy of one hospital in New York Glendale Adventist is one of the best cardiology wings in the United States of America. 0.97
00:56:56.000 So I happen to be in the right fucking place at the right time. 0.92
00:56:59.000 We were supposed to shoot my comedy special at the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville. 0.97
00:57:03.000 It wound up being shot instead at the Alex in Glendale and stuff. 0.95
00:57:08.000 And if I hadn't been doing the show there, who fucking knows, man? 0.99
00:57:12.000 I've gone to a hospital, but I probably might have fucking died. 0.99
00:57:15.000 Because Homeboy told me when he went up the heart, when I was in the operating room, and he told me, like, they call that the Widowmaker and shit. 0.99
00:57:23.000 80%, 80-20, I sat there going, like, these are the weirdest odds I've ever had in my life. 0.99
00:57:27.000 I figure, like, look, you leave the house, it's 50-50, you're gonna fucking drop dead, right? 1.00
00:57:32.000 You get hit by a car, struck by lightning, you trip over a fucking dog, and then the dog bites your jugular, and you fucking bleed out. 1.00
00:57:37.000 You're like, but I always loved dogs, and you die, ironically. 1.00
00:57:40.000 But, you know, just stringing along. 1.00
00:57:42.000 But the 80-20, man, 20% chance of life was fucked up. 1.00
00:57:45.000 Fucked up thought. 0.99
00:57:46.000 First time I'd ever had that kind of thought. 0.98
00:57:48.000 And in my head, I had to cognitively reframe it and go, You don't know. 0.99
00:57:53.000 You might have been close to death so many fucking times in your life. 0.99
00:57:57.000 There might have been like a psycho behind you with a fucking knife and then all of a sudden you got a cell phone call and forgot about you or something like that. 1.00
00:58:03.000 So suddenly I repurposed it. 0.99
00:58:05.000 The whole time I was laying on the table I kept repurposing every thought.
00:58:08.000 Not repurposing.
00:58:09.000 Cognitively reframing.
00:58:10.000 I was sitting there because I couldn't At one point, they were like, your wife's on the phone.
00:58:14.000 Do you want to talk to her?
00:58:16.000 After they told me that I was having a heart attack and that they had to get up me fast and stuff.
00:58:20.000 So they're holding up a phone, and I see it, and that's the first time it crystallized where I was like, oh, these people think I'm going to die.
00:58:28.000 Like, I didn't, I was in no pain whatsoever.
00:58:30.000 I couldn't catch my breath.
00:58:31.000 They kept asking me, like, zero to ten, how do you feel?
00:58:34.000 What's your pain level?
00:58:34.000 I was like, negative three.
00:58:35.000 They're like, you're doing this wrong.
00:58:37.000 I didn't feel pain.
00:58:38.000 It wasn't like, you know, I grew up in the 70s watching Sanford and Sons.
00:58:41.000 So my idea of a heart attack is, Lisbon! 1.00
00:58:43.000 It's big and shit. 0.99
00:58:44.000 Felt none of the symptoms, no numbness in the arm, anything like that. 0.99
00:58:48.000 I was sweating.
00:58:49.000 I threw up bile, a little bit of bile.
00:58:52.000 I was cold.
00:58:54.000 And what was the last one? 1.00
00:58:56.000 It was just fucking shit you would never associate with a heart attack. 1.00
00:59:00.000 Like you would associate it with like, oh, I just feel under the weather. 1.00
00:59:02.000 But apparently these are symptoms of heart attacks as well.
00:59:05.000 I like to share it because some cats never heard that before.
00:59:09.000 And I've seen a lot of people on social media since who are like, you saved my life, here's why. 1.00
00:59:13.000 Because I talked about the fucking symptoms and shit. 1.00
00:59:15.000 So... 1.00
00:59:16.000 While I'm laying there, and they go up your groin, they go up your femoral artery to your heart and stuff.
00:59:22.000 He went up and he saw that it was all blocked. 0.98
00:59:24.000 I said later on, I was just like, fuck man, I dropped 80 pounds three years ago. 0.98
00:59:28.000 I've been walking up a hill a mile and a half every day and stuff. 0.99
00:59:32.000 He goes, yeah, but the kind of blockage you had... 0.96
00:59:34.000 He goes, that didn't start fucking recently. 0.97
00:59:37.000 He's going, that started in childhood. 1.00
00:59:39.000 And I was like, man, fucking hostess Twinkies. 0.99
00:59:41.000 And then I remembered we had no money. 1.00
00:59:42.000 So I was like, man, fucking Little Debbie Swiss Delights and shit. 1.00
00:59:45.000 That's how it happened. 1.00
00:59:46.000 It started way back then.
00:59:47.000 I prefer the Little Debbie Cakes.
00:59:48.000 I'm with you. 1.00
00:59:48.000 Because I was raised on them and shit. 1.00
00:59:50.000 But, you know, we were trained to like Twinkies more because they had a commercial. 1.00
00:59:53.000 Little Debbie would never bother with a commercial. 1.00
00:59:55.000 They didn't have a commercial, did they?
00:59:57.000 No, you can't.
00:59:57.000 Well, years later they did, but when we were kids they didn't because how can you have a commercial and sell your product for 59 cents a box?
01:00:04.000 They were like a moister cake.
01:00:05.000 It was like a better experience. 0.95
01:00:06.000 Because they had more of those trans fats that were just so goddamn yummy. 0.87
01:00:10.000 Did they have trans fats back then? 0.96
01:00:12.000 I think so.
01:00:13.000 When did they invent trans fats?
01:00:15.000 Probably, well, think about it.
01:00:16.000 Trans fats are part of when you eat like, what were those cookies that were Not Peacreens.
01:00:25.000 It was like a white Oreo.
01:00:29.000 Goddammit, I forget the name of it.
01:00:31.000 It was fairly well known, but when I was a kid it was an older brand from my parents' childhood.
01:00:37.000 And Hydrox.
01:00:40.000 So Hydrox, their name, Hydrox, comes from hydrogenized palm oil or corn oil. 1.00
01:00:47.000 That shit's terrible for you. 0.99
01:00:49.000 So that's when it began. 1.00
01:00:51.000 They were like, hey, we can take this and fuck it up and turn it into something edible and shit like that, not knowing it would block our arteries. 0.99
01:00:56.000 Wow. 1.00
01:00:57.000 Yeah, that canola oil, like all that kind of shit. 1.00
01:00:59.000 That kind of nonsense. 1.00
01:01:00.000 But I went, after a heart attack, I went fucking vegan. 1.00
01:01:03.000 Hydrox, that's it. 0.99
01:01:04.000 There it is.
01:01:04.000 Hydrox.
01:01:05.000 That is crazy. 1.00
01:01:06.000 It's named after a chemical that can fucking kill you. 0.99
01:01:09.000 And that's how they marketed it back in the day. 0.99
01:01:10.000 Hey kids, chemicals. 0.97
01:01:12.000 Dude, I used to fuck up some Pepperidge Farms cookies. 0.93
01:01:15.000 Yeah. 0.97
01:01:15.000 Remember those Pepperidge Farms with the little white bag? 0.97
01:01:17.000 Dude, you're talking to a fat man. 1.00
01:01:18.000 I've eaten every fucking cookie there is, man. 1.00
01:01:20.000 With milk. 1.00
01:01:21.000 Do you remember when they marketed the almost home cookies?
01:01:26.000 Almost home cookies.
01:01:27.000 So essentially, there was a craze, and they still exist to some degree.
01:01:32.000 But when we were children, cookies were hard, unless they came out of an oven fresh.
01:01:37.000 Oh, yeah!
01:01:37.000 But then they started serving these soft-baked cookies.
01:01:40.000 You can get them.
01:01:40.000 There they are.
01:01:41.000 Almost home.
01:01:42.000 Dude, now I remember. 1.00
01:01:42.000 In your grocer's aisle and shit. 1.00
01:01:44.000 And so you'd take this cookie out of the package and bite it, and it was soft as if it came out of the oven. 1.00
01:01:50.000 Oh.
01:01:51.000 That, too, is a chemical process, I believe.
01:01:53.000 Because things are meant to get hard after they come out of the oven.
01:01:56.000 Quickly.
01:01:57.000 Exactly, man. 0.95
01:01:58.000 It's like watching porn. 0.87
01:01:59.000 You get hard fast.
01:02:00.000 You're eating some mush that doesn't turn into mold.
01:02:03.000 I went vegan post-heart attack, but it's not an ethical thing.
01:02:09.000 My kid's vegan because she's like, I love animals.
01:02:12.000 But I went vegan because they were like, you know, if you go plant-based, you've got a really great chance of dropping your cholesterol.
01:02:18.000 And my kid had been bugging me to go vegan for like three years and stuff.
01:02:22.000 And honestly, not bugging me.
01:02:23.000 She would just make comments every once in a while. 0.99
01:02:24.000 Like, not your mom, not your milk, whenever I was drinking milk and shit like that. 0.99
01:02:28.000 So, after the heart attack, nutritionist was in the hospital room with me and going like, 100% blockage, man. 0.99
01:02:34.000 Definitely time to change your diet.
01:02:35.000 I was like, yeah, you're right.
01:02:36.000 What were you eating before? 0.99
01:02:38.000 Like, just fucking... 0.99
01:02:39.000 Not even like everything. 0.99
01:02:40.000 But you lost a lot of weight.
01:02:41.000 And when you lost a lot of weight, I remember you were doing a lot of juicing.
01:02:44.000 Right.
01:02:44.000 Yeah, I was doing a bit of that, which they've since told me is not good because you're supposed to distribute the juice of whatever with the fiber while eating the fruit and stuff.
01:02:59.000 This juicing thing is...
01:03:00.000 So it depends on what juice.
01:03:01.000 I mean, vegetable juice is not really an issue, but it is high sugar content.
01:03:06.000 Now I'm a Weight Watchers ambassador.
01:03:09.000 Even people that believe that they like vegetable juices, they say that you're really better off with a vegetable smoothie.
01:03:17.000 Right.
01:03:17.000 Like where you get the fiber.
01:03:18.000 It is all about the smoothie.
01:03:20.000 Keep some of the fiber in it.
01:03:21.000 In the Weight Watchers diet, they got these... 0.99
01:03:24.000 You go buy points and shit like that. 0.98
01:03:25.000 Yeah, right. 1.00
01:03:26.000 Some shit... 1.00
01:03:27.000 If you eat a banana, no points. 1.00
01:03:30.000 If you...
01:03:31.000 Juice a banana or blend a banana.
01:03:33.000 Then it has points.
01:03:35.000 Because then it's no longer about the fiber.
01:03:37.000 It's all about the sugar.
01:03:38.000 Eggs don't have any points anymore, huh?
01:03:40.000 No, they took points away from eggs, turkey, and chicken, which broke my heart because I used to love turkey and chicken.
01:03:46.000 Then I realized I didn't love turkey and chicken as much as I thought.
01:03:51.000 After the heart attack...
01:03:55.000 I read...
01:03:56.000 Well, I listened to it on tape.
01:03:59.000 And not even on tape.
01:04:00.000 Digitally.
01:04:01.000 Penn Jillette's book, Presto.
01:04:03.000 About how he lost 100 pounds after his heart episode.
01:04:06.000 And it's a fantastic book.
01:04:07.000 I'm sure you know Penn.
01:04:08.000 Did he have a similar issue?
01:04:09.000 Like a heart attack?
01:04:10.000 Yeah, but he didn't have a heart attack. 1.00
01:04:11.000 They were like, you're on the fucking verge. 0.99
01:04:12.000 And they were going to give him a bunch of bypasses. 0.98
01:04:14.000 And then a friend of his was like, instead of all that, why don't you just try eating radically different?
01:04:19.000 I can propose...
01:04:21.000 Ray Cronies.
01:04:21.000 He has a diet called Just Sides.
01:04:24.000 And so in Penn's book, Presto, he details how Ray was like, for the first two weeks, just eat potatoes.
01:04:30.000 Nothing but potatoes.
01:04:31.000 You have as many as you want. 1.00
01:04:31.000 Eat as many fucking potatoes as you want. 1.00
01:04:33.000 But you can't put anything on them. 1.00
01:04:34.000 You can't fry them.
01:04:36.000 It's just bake the potato and eat it, eat everything.
01:04:39.000 And you can have nine if you're in a sitting, but you can't put any butter on them, no salt, nothing.
01:04:43.000 Just flat out potatoes.
01:04:45.000 So, for me, that sounded... 1.00
01:04:48.000 And fuck your diet. 1.00
01:04:49.000 Well, I'd just come off the heart attack, so I'm like, I'd rather not die. 1.00
01:04:53.000 So, I'll fucking try potatoes. 0.98
01:04:54.000 So, how many weeks did you eat just potatoes? 0.99
01:04:56.000 Two weeks.
01:04:57.000 Straight up, just potatoes.
01:04:58.000 Did you eat them raw?
01:04:59.000 Not raw, like uncooked.
01:05:01.000 You can bake them, but you can't use anything to cook them.
01:05:03.000 You can't wrap them in tinfoil with butter and salt or anything like that.
01:05:06.000 Just flat out plain.
01:05:07.000 You just baked them and then ate them. 1.00
01:05:08.000 You must have been bored as fuck. 1.00
01:05:09.000 That's what happens. 1.00
01:05:10.000 The trick of the diet, at least in my estimation, is that you...
01:05:15.000 You're allowed to eat as many potatoes as you want.
01:05:17.000 And you think you like potatoes.
01:05:19.000 When I was reading Penn's book, or rather listening to Penn's book, I was like, oh my god, I can do that. 0.99
01:05:23.000 I fucking dig potatoes. 0.96
01:05:25.000 And then you realize you don't like potatoes as much as you like butter and salt and milk and everything that goes into mashed potatoes and stuff. 0.99
01:05:32.000 So, in the beginning... 0.89
01:05:35.000 There's a sense of satiety because potatoes have some girth to them and stuff, but they're mostly water, so it's an excellent diuretic, so you're pissing like a fucking racehorse, and that's dropping weight, like the more water out of your body. 0.58
01:05:45.000 There's some good vitamins in the skin as well. 0.87
01:05:48.000 Absolutely.
01:05:48.000 A lot of potassium, right?
01:05:49.000 Vitamin C. But some people, like when I was telling them, you know, the moment you tell people what you're doing, you know, everyone's got their fucking advice about how to diet and shit, and when I was talking about, I'm doing this potato diet, people, you can't eat potatoes? 0.99
01:05:58.000 It's carbs, man! 0.98
01:05:59.000 That's too much! 1.00
01:06:00.000 It's bad and shit! 1.00
01:06:02.000 But in two weeks of eating nothing but potatoes... 1.00
01:06:04.000 I lost 19 pounds, just like that.
01:06:06.000 19 pounds?
01:06:06.000 Just dropped off.
01:06:07.000 A lot of it water weight, absolutely. 1.00
01:06:09.000 But at the same time, it taught me something more important than like, fuck, I hate potatoes. 0.99
01:06:14.000 It taught me to fast. 0.99
01:06:16.000 Like, it taught me to like, now I eat a meal a day.
01:06:19.000 I don't eat in the morning when I get up. 0.92
01:06:21.000 I don't listen to the propaganda of like, you gotta eat a breakfast and shit like that. 0.98
01:06:24.000 Not at all. 0.92
01:06:25.000 My body has enough stored energy. 0.99
01:06:27.000 I don't need to fucking eat eggs and orange juice in order to fucking feel good in the morning. 0.98
01:06:31.000 I just have to wait for my body to be like, Nothing's coming in, great. 1.00
01:06:34.000 We'll hook over to the fucking stored energy and shit like that. 0.99
01:06:37.000 And I got a lot of that. 0.99
01:06:37.000 So you're doing like intermittent fasting? 0.99
01:06:39.000 Is that what you're doing?
01:06:40.000 It's not so much intermittent.
01:06:41.000 It's like I eat once a day.
01:06:43.000 And then some days if I'm like, yeah, I don't feel the need to eat.
01:06:46.000 Like you go through it.
01:06:47.000 You hit a wall every once in a while.
01:06:48.000 Like generally about 9 o'clock, 8.39, I get a first pang of hunger. 0.98
01:06:52.000 And my instincts are like, fucking quick, fix it. 0.86
01:06:55.000 And then I remember like just in 10 minutes it's going to pass. 0.97
01:06:59.000 And then in 10 minutes, absolutely it passes.
01:07:01.000 Are you talking about 9 in the morning?
01:07:02.000 Yeah.
01:07:03.000 So you're eating one meal, typically dinner?
01:07:06.000 Generally about 3 o'clock in the afternoon.
01:07:09.000 And then you go a long time before you eat again.
01:07:11.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:07:12.000 Dude, that's the way to eat, man.
01:07:13.000 A lot of people think that's the way to eat.
01:07:15.000 I think so.
01:07:16.000 Smarter people than I, like Ray, who created the Just Sides Diet, and Penn, who followed the diet and stuff, and led me to it.
01:07:22.000 They do the same thing?
01:07:23.000 One meal a day?
01:07:24.000 Penn, not...
01:07:26.000 I can't...
01:07:27.000 I'm trying to...
01:07:28.000 I don't think he's down to one meal a day.
01:07:30.000 I think he just eats better than I do.
01:07:33.000 Like, he was able to keep up with Ray's diet.
01:07:34.000 I couldn't.
01:07:35.000 After the two weeks, it was like, okay, now eat corn.
01:07:38.000 And I was like, I've never eaten corn in my life.
01:07:40.000 Wait a minute.
01:07:41.000 He's telling you just eat corn?
01:07:43.000 No, he was saying to add corn to the diet.
01:07:45.000 And they were adding more things after the first two weeks.
01:07:47.000 It wasn't like, potatoes, now just corn, now this.
01:07:49.000 Oh, so this just sides, that's his hook, is that you're eating the sides?
01:07:52.000 Essentially, you're eating everything that's kind of, it's all plant-based and stuff. 0.79
01:07:56.000 And so I couldn't, I was hoping that I could, you know, fucking go the distance and be a vegetable guy. 0.99
01:08:01.000 I fucking hate vegetables. 0.98
01:08:03.000 And so I had to figure out a way to be vegan. 1.00
01:08:05.000 You fucking hate vegetables? 1.00
01:08:06.000 I hated so much. 1.00
01:08:07.000 How could you be a vegan and hate vegetables?
01:08:10.000 You find a very thin corridor in which, you know, to live and exist.
01:08:16.000 Scooping up vats of tofu.
01:08:17.000 Pretty much.
01:08:18.000 Eating pinto beans, eating black beans.
01:08:21.000 Good source of carbohydrates.
01:08:23.000 Right.
01:08:23.000 What else?
01:08:24.000 You know what I've fallen in love with and never ate before in my life are chickpeas?
01:08:28.000 Chickpeas are great. 0.99
01:08:29.000 Such a great go-to snack, fucking full of protein. 0.99
01:08:32.000 And in vegan comfort food cooking, they use it as a versatile... 0.99
01:08:38.000 Ingredients.
01:08:39.000 So like if you go to one of my favorite restaurants in town is Crossroads.
01:08:42.000 They got like this They got real vegan food.
01:08:45.000 It's Travis Barker's place, right?
01:08:46.000 Is that the...
01:08:47.000 I believe it is.
01:08:48.000 I believe Travis Barker, the drummer, he owns that place.
01:08:51.000 That's his place?
01:08:52.000 I believe so.
01:08:53.000 Pretty sure.
01:08:54.000 They got a meatball sub there, dude. 1.00
01:08:56.000 I'd suck a dick for it so fucking good. 1.00
01:08:59.000 And mercifully, they don't make you do that. 1.00
01:09:01.000 They just make you pay.
01:09:01.000 That's very sweet of them.
01:09:02.000 It's a good business model.
01:09:04.000 It's supposed to be a very good place. 0.99
01:09:05.000 It is fucking fantastic. 0.99
01:09:07.000 This Meatball Sub tastes exactly like a Meatball Sub of my childhood. 0.98
01:09:11.000 There's a place about five miles from here, maybe a little bit more, called Follow Your Heart.
01:09:14.000 Have you ever been to that place?
01:09:15.000 Yes, I have.
01:09:16.000 That's where I met Ray to talk about the diet. 1.00
01:09:20.000 Yeah, they have some killer fucking pancakes, man. 0.99
01:09:23.000 I don't know what they're doing, what kind of voodoo they're doing to make a vegan pancake tastes that good. 0.99
01:09:27.000 In New York, they got a place in Brooklyn called Champ's Diner, which is also like all...
01:09:31.000 It's not plant-based vegan food, but they do comfort food, like you can get an Impossible Burger or Beyond Burger, or you're eating meatballs, and you think about it, you're like, alright, the bread is most of it, the sauce is the next biggest part.
01:09:46.000 And meatballs themselves aren't really that packed with meat. 0.96
01:09:48.000 It's much more breading than fucking meat and stuff. 0.99
01:09:50.000 So all you have to do is find something that'll stand in for the fucking meat. 1.00
01:09:54.000 Drench it in fucking marinara sauce and put it in between a nice soft roll. 0.99
01:09:57.000 And they use like ricotta, like cashew ricotta to like kind of finish it off. 1.00
01:10:02.000 It is fucking bliss, dude. 0.96
01:10:04.000 Now, you know, it's just like it's vegan comfort food so you can't do that every day. 0.98
01:10:08.000 Right. 0.99
01:10:08.000 But it's nice to know that if you're ever like, I miss real fucking food. 0.99
01:10:13.000 I want to eat a goddamn animal. 0.99
01:10:14.000 They can hand you something that's close to the approximate. 1.00
01:10:17.000 Now, the good news, because I know a lot of people are like, fuck veganism. 0.99
01:10:20.000 And you're absolutely right. 0.99
01:10:21.000 It's no damn fun, for me at least.
01:10:23.000 But after a month of plant-based, I was on a series of medications after the heart attack, and still am. 0.98
01:10:30.000 And I was on a full dose of Lipitor, which is a cholesterol fucking cutter and stuff like that. 0.64
01:10:36.000 So my doctor, I was telling him about this potato diet. 0.92
01:10:38.000 He's like, I don't trust this.
01:10:39.000 He's going, I want to do your labs.
01:10:40.000 I want to do your meds.
01:10:41.000 Give me some of your blood.
01:10:42.000 So he takes me.
01:10:43.000 He's like, I got to make sure you're getting all the nutrition.
01:10:44.000 He's like, you can't get it off. 1.00
01:10:45.000 I'm a fucking potato. 1.00
01:10:46.000 I'm sorry. 0.99
01:10:47.000 So he did my labs and came back and he was like, you're fantastic.
01:10:51.000 He's going, nutrients wise, you're great.
01:10:53.000 Everything across the board is great except for your cholesterol.
01:10:55.000 I was like, well, I did just have a heart attack.
01:10:56.000 And he goes, no, your cholesterol is in the toilet.
01:10:58.000 He's going, so I need you to break your Lipitor in half.
01:11:00.000 He's going, you can't take that much Lipitor anymore.
01:11:03.000 So he's like, what have you done different? 1.00
01:11:04.000 I was like, I'm just eating fucking potatoes. 0.98
01:11:06.000 So your cholesterol dropped so radically that he was worried? 0.99
01:11:09.000 Yeah, and enough to take me off of my half my prescription.
01:11:13.000 See, I don't understand enough about cholesterol levels.
01:11:17.000 This is what they told me recently that I found fascinating.
01:11:20.000 I thought, I was like, so this Lipitor, it's going to eat up the cholesterol?
01:11:23.000 He goes, no, it's in your system forever.
01:11:24.000 And I was like, really?
01:11:25.000 And he goes, yeah, it can loosen it up and move it about.
01:11:27.000 But then we have to be careful, make sure it's loose and soft and globule.
01:11:31.000 The cholesterol is in your system forever. 1.00
01:11:33.000 So that it doesn't go into your fucking brain. 1.00
01:11:34.000 Oh, Jesus. 1.00
01:11:35.000 Hard pieces. 0.99
01:11:36.000 Like, you know, I don't know if you ever pull, like, fucking grit off your teeth after you've eaten or something like that, compacted. 0.97
01:11:42.000 You know, that's plaque, technically, I guess. 1.00
01:11:45.000 But that's the kind of shit that's up in your veins. 1.00
01:11:48.000 When that shit gets hard, it gets super hard. 1.00
01:11:50.000 Like the cholesterol that was blocking up my LAD, my man had to drill through it to get the stent in there. 1.00
01:11:57.000 And you keep that cholesterol forever?
01:11:58.000 Now, I can't say that 100%, but that's the way it was communicated to me because I thought, I was like, this magic drug will eat up the cholesterol.
01:12:04.000 He goes, no, we have to be very careful with the cholesterol because it moves throughout your system.
01:12:08.000 So I guess maybe eventually it moves out of your system, but if it's in your blood system, right, there's a chance that it goes up near your brain eventually. 0.99
01:12:16.000 So maybe that's what they're trying to keep that shit. 1.00
01:12:18.000 Yeah, both idiots talking about medical stuff. 1.00
01:12:20.000 I know, but that's what it's all about. 1.00
01:12:21.000 You can't be an expert on everything, Joe.
01:12:24.000 Sometimes you have to take shots in the dark.
01:12:26.000 Yeah, so...
01:12:28.000 We know your audience.
01:12:29.000 You know the audience is sitting there right now going like, this irritates me.
01:12:32.000 If they're not going to speak truths and hard facts...
01:12:35.000 Don't they understand medical science?
01:12:37.000 We don't.
01:12:37.000 We don't.
01:12:38.000 That's why we want an entertainment.
01:12:39.000 But when you are getting a full blood panel done and all these different things, they're checking all your vitamin levels.
01:12:46.000 I've also become, yeah, and I've become the guy that does...
01:12:49.000 Are you supplementing with algae?
01:12:51.000 Not algae, but there are two pills that Ray turned me on to this doctor.
01:12:56.000 I bet you know his name, but his name escapes me, who formulated this.
01:13:00.000 These are the nutrients you need.
01:13:02.000 I guarantee you've probably talked to this guy.
01:13:04.000 His name escapes me.
01:13:05.000 But Ray was like, get these supplements.
01:13:07.000 They'll cover everything.
01:13:08.000 He's gone because you're no longer a meat eater.
01:13:10.000 Anything you need that would come out of meat comes out of this.
01:13:13.000 But, you know, it was kind of explained to me when I was like, I don't know.
01:13:16.000 Like, my kid was going, you could do it, Dad.
01:13:18.000 I'm like, kiddo, like, we were raised differently.
01:13:20.000 Like, granted, I wasn't raised with filet mignon.
01:13:23.000 I did eat steak-um through most of my childhood, but that's kind of a meat.
01:13:27.000 Like, it's tough to separate... 0.97
01:13:29.000 From something that you've lived with for so fucking long. 0.91
01:13:31.000 And she was like, you gave up cigarettes. 0.97
01:13:33.000 And I was like, oh, all right, you're right and stuff. 0.94
01:13:35.000 So it's nice to be able to go to places where you can eat food that's not just like grass and roots and kale and shit like that.
01:13:42.000 What did you eliminate? 0.91
01:13:43.000 This is what I want to concentrate on.
01:13:45.000 Cheese?
01:13:47.000 All dairy.
01:13:48.000 So cheese, milk. 0.98
01:13:49.000 I was drinking, no bullshit, two gallons of milk a day. 1.00
01:13:52.000 So that might have been part of the reason I wound up having a fucking heart attack. 0.99
01:13:55.000 So milk went away. 0.99
01:13:56.000 Cheese went away.
01:13:59.000 Animal food products went away.
01:14:00.000 So no burgers. 0.99
01:14:01.000 I wasn't a big burger guy, but I did like burgers and shit. 0.98
01:14:04.000 What about bread, pasta? 0.99
01:14:05.000 Bread can stay.
01:14:06.000 Pasta can stay.
01:14:07.000 Pasta can be vegan.
01:14:09.000 But I mean, you shouldn't overdo it, right?
01:14:12.000 You can't eat a fuck ton of bread and stuff.
01:14:13.000 Right, you shouldn't. 0.85
01:14:16.000 And honestly, they'd prefer if it went away.
01:14:19.000 Most doctors aren't like, hey man, eat all the bread you want.
01:14:22.000 As part of Weight Watchers, it has a value to it that you can eat bread, but it takes up like a quarter of the points you can have.
01:14:31.000 Is it harder to do Weight Watchers as a vegan?
01:14:33.000 Is it tricky?
01:14:34.000 No, interestingly enough, Weight Watchers is so fucking simple because the app, it's all app-based now.
01:14:40.000 I was part of it when I was a kid. 0.56
01:14:42.000 At age 14, I was part of Weight Watchers.
01:14:45.000 And I was like the lone male in the group and stuff.
01:14:48.000 Now it's so technologically based that if you're in a food store and you're like, oh, I... I want those, but I wonder how many points...
01:14:56.000 You just scan the fucking barcode and it tells you. 0.99
01:15:00.000 And so you can enter things like pinto beans. 1.00
01:15:02.000 Boom, it tells you.
01:15:03.000 They're zero points.
01:15:04.000 So anything you enter, they generally have a value for, even fast food chains.
01:15:08.000 So it's shockingly easy to use.
01:15:12.000 Take Weight Watchers out of the equation.
01:15:13.000 Is being vegan...
01:15:16.000 Difficult.
01:15:16.000 Yes.
01:15:17.000 Like, I watched my kid go through it where I'm like, you have no choices.
01:15:20.000 You're really limited to the places you can go in life and go out to eat.
01:15:24.000 But if it's a choice between winding up in the fucking emergency room again and, you know, eating whatever I want to eat, which is what I did for 47 years and then wound up nearly fucking dying, closest I ever came to death, I'm okay to go plant-based for a while.
01:15:39.000 Like, I told the kid, I'm doing it for at least a year and if I can live like this, I'll keep going. 0.94
01:15:43.000 So you cut out milk, cheese, animal products, and sugar?
01:15:49.000 Did you cut out sugar?
01:15:50.000 Sugar I cut out prior to this.
01:15:53.000 When I first met you, you were a candy junkie.
01:15:55.000 Yes, oh my god.
01:15:56.000 And look, I'm still a candy junkie at heart.
01:15:58.000 I just can't imbibe anymore.
01:15:59.000 I'll always be a candy junkie.
01:16:01.000 I'm a dry drunk right now.
01:16:03.000 I would eat all the candy if you presented it.
01:16:05.000 It was mostly the dairy and the meat.
01:16:08.000 That I had to say goodbye to?
01:16:10.000 That was the big thing you cut out.
01:16:11.000 Yes.
01:16:11.000 That was the most...
01:16:12.000 The biggest percentage of your diet?
01:16:14.000 Probably, yeah.
01:16:15.000 Especially dairy.
01:16:16.000 Now what about exercise? 0.99
01:16:18.000 Exercise, after the heart attack, they don't want you to do shit for like the first month. 0.97
01:16:21.000 So this is only three months ago that the heart attack happened. 0.94
01:16:24.000 So once the doctor gave me the A-OK, then I was back to walking the dog up the hill the way I always did.
01:16:30.000 I haven't gone harder than that. 0.95
01:16:33.000 And I don't honestly, like I'm so fucking lazy at heart. 0.96
01:16:36.000 No. 0.93
01:16:37.000 That I... It doesn't...
01:16:38.000 Like, I know some people are like, I love getting out there, and it fucking helps me think, and my blood's...
01:16:42.000 Not me. 0.98
01:16:43.000 I can fucking think just fine at home, smoking a joint, sitting there fucking watching Colbert or something like that. 0.99
01:16:47.000 That's where you and I separate, right? 0.99
01:16:49.000 You like the physical, like the...
01:16:50.000 You know, you like the rush.
01:16:52.000 You're like the adrenaline junkies who have kind of raised their level, and so it's not enough for you to just sit in one place.
01:17:00.000 Like, you could do this, and it's shocking that you'll do it for three hours, but then after this, you probably do something like Razzle a Bear, I don't do any of those things, but I run hills.
01:17:11.000 Is that what you do?
01:17:11.000 Yeah, I run hills in the morning.
01:17:13.000 How far?
01:17:14.000 A couple miles is the most I do, because it's real steep stuff.
01:17:18.000 Do you listen to anything?
01:17:19.000 Today I did.
01:17:21.000 Today I cheated.
01:17:21.000 I cheat when I listen to things.
01:17:23.000 I think it's cheating.
01:17:24.000 Why is it cheating?
01:17:25.000 Because you're supposed to be in a meditative state where you're just pushing yourself at a certain pace.
01:17:30.000 And when you're listening to something, especially something cool, it distracts you to the point where you hear how heavy you're breathing, but you don't think negatively about it.
01:17:37.000 Because you're thinking about whatever the music you're listening to is.
01:17:40.000 It's really interesting because it's a nice trick.
01:17:43.000 Because you can actually work harder and not be bothered by it.
01:17:47.000 Because you're so tuned into the music that you're listening to or whatever it is you're really captivated with that you can keep pushing. 0.99
01:17:54.000 But most of the time I like to do it where I don't hear shit. 0.97
01:17:58.000 I just hear the pounding of my footsteps and my breathing. 0.97
01:18:01.000 And also I have a logical fear of mountain lions.
01:18:04.000 So I don't want to be the dude. 0.99
01:18:05.000 Did you see that story about the fucker outside of Seattle? 0.99
01:18:08.000 Yeah, it scared the fuck out of me. 0.99
01:18:09.000 That was terrifying. 0.92
01:18:10.000 And those cats, they weren't like, yeah, they weren't going like, hey man, we may fucking encounter a mountain lion.
01:18:15.000 And they did the right thing. 0.99
01:18:16.000 They swung the fucking bike. 1.00
01:18:18.000 At first they tried to get big because I go to a place called Canyon Ranch with the wife in Arizona. 1.00
01:18:26.000 And there's like one trail where they have a sign right at the gate that's like, you know, mountain lion area.
01:18:31.000 And it's got one of those little like graphic tutorials on what you're supposed to do with your body if you encounter a mountain lion. 0.96
01:18:37.000 And, you know, you're supposed to big up like the way they're like, hey, man, if a bear is charging at you, you fucking big up at it or some such shit. 0.90
01:18:43.000 Same thing here. 0.97
01:18:44.000 They're like, get big up, grab a stick, make noise and shit like that. 1.00
01:18:47.000 And that story, those guys did exactly as told and it fucked off for a minute and then fucking came back. 0.99
01:18:54.000 And that's when they started swinging the bike at it. 0.99
01:18:56.000 Yeah, and the one guy took off. 0.88
01:18:59.000 The one guy, his friend got bit and dragged and then he took off like he was gonna get help or I don't know what he was gonna do and the mountain lion said fuck this guy I'm gonna go after you now and chased him. 0.95
01:19:09.000 Chased him. 0.97
01:19:10.000 So wait, it didn't kill...
01:19:11.000 After he already had one guy down.
01:19:12.000 It didn't kill both guys. 0.99
01:19:13.000 No, it fucked up one guy and killed the other. 0.97
01:19:15.000 But one guy was down. 0.98
01:19:17.000 I mean obviously I'm just reading the story.
01:19:19.000 I wasn't there.
01:19:19.000 But one guy was down and the mountain lion had him.
01:19:22.000 This is the guy who survived. 0.99
01:19:23.000 He said that he felt the mountain lion's fucking jaws around his head. 0.99
01:19:27.000 And then it released him to go after his friend. 0.99
01:19:30.000 Yep, his friend ran in the mountain lion, tackled his friend, and killed his friend.
01:19:35.000 In the tackle?
01:19:35.000 Or just tackle him and then...
01:19:36.000 Just killed him. 1.00
01:19:37.000 Just bit, you know, fucked him up, man. 1.00
01:19:39.000 And this was not even a big cat. 0.99
01:19:41.000 This was a hundred pound cat.
01:19:42.000 And it was emaciated and it wasn't doing well.
01:19:45.000 It was probably like an old cat.
01:19:46.000 Maybe feral or something?
01:19:48.000 Feral.
01:19:48.000 They're all feral.
01:19:49.000 Are they?
01:19:49.000 Yeah, they're wild.
01:19:51.000 But it's like...
01:19:51.000 But I mean feral like, what was the other word?
01:19:53.000 Oh, that's rabid.
01:19:55.000 Oh, no.
01:19:55.000 Most likely just old.
01:19:57.000 They're all feral, motherfucker. 1.00
01:19:59.000 They're in the wild. 1.00
01:20:00.000 We probably couldn't catch rabbits anymore and shit. 0.99
01:20:02.000 Couldn't catch deer. 0.99
01:20:03.000 It was getting old.
01:20:04.000 You can't catch a rabbit and you're like, I'm going to go for this human with a machine under him.
01:20:08.000 We're so slow.
01:20:09.000 We are so slow, dude.
01:20:10.000 Is that right?
01:20:11.000 Oh my god.
01:20:12.000 The fastest human is a joke to a cat.
01:20:15.000 But a deer.
01:20:16.000 Deers are so fast.
01:20:17.000 You ever see a deer try to run away from a wolf or something like that in a video?
01:20:21.000 Not a wolf.
01:20:21.000 I've seen deers run away from us.
01:20:23.000 They're all around our house.
01:20:24.000 They're so fast, man.
01:20:25.000 You can't even come close to catch them.
01:20:26.000 A cat could catch a person so quick.
01:20:29.000 But even if...
01:20:29.000 All right, so it's a 100-pound cat.
01:20:31.000 It's still going to be smaller than the dude that it's attacking.
01:20:34.000 Did you ever get in a fight with a house cat?
01:20:35.000 Never.
01:20:36.000 I've never gotten in a fight with a house cat.
01:20:37.000 Friend to all animals.
01:20:38.000 I am as well, but I had a feral cat.
01:20:40.000 I raised him. 1.00
01:20:42.000 They're all fucking feral, Joe. 1.00
01:20:43.000 No, they're not all. 0.99
01:20:44.000 This is a cat that was actually born in the wild.
01:20:47.000 Really?
01:20:47.000 Yeah.
01:20:48.000 He was born in the wild and I had to stay with him in a room to get myself used to him.
01:20:55.000 Get him used to me.
01:20:56.000 This is pre-internet too, by the way.
01:20:57.000 So this is like in the 90s.
01:20:59.000 And so I locked myself in a bedroom with this kitten and just brought a stack of books.
01:21:04.000 Put a mattress in there, brought a stack of books, just hung out with this cat.
01:21:08.000 And every time I'd get near this cat, the cat would freak out and hiss at me and jump on the curtains and fucking literally like climb the blinds, screaming and hissing.
01:21:16.000 And then I finally would get my hands on him and he would immediately start purring and giving in.
01:21:21.000 Because once he realized I wasn't trying to eat him, that I was his friend, I would pet him and he would purr louder than any cat would purr.
01:21:26.000 It was crazy.
01:21:27.000 Like I developed this bizarre bond with this cat because this cat was so scared of the world.
01:21:33.000 I mean, he was scared of everything.
01:21:35.000 Was that the reaction every time?
01:21:37.000 No.
01:21:38.000 After a while, I was the only one that could touch him, though.
01:21:42.000 I was the only person.
01:21:43.000 Like, my friends would come over.
01:21:44.000 He'd hiss at them.
01:21:45.000 He would, like, wow!
01:21:46.000 Like, let him know. 1.00
01:21:48.000 Like, bitch, shit is about to get really crazy. 1.00
01:21:50.000 Like, I'm not a regular cat. 1.00
01:21:52.000 But I could go up to him and I could pet him.
01:21:54.000 He was a feral cat.
01:21:55.000 You know?
01:21:56.000 What was my point beginning this?
01:21:58.000 I don't know.
01:21:59.000 What did we...
01:22:02.000 Oh, I had to get him fixed.
01:22:04.000 This is what it was.
01:22:04.000 The cat.
01:22:05.000 I had to get him fixed, and I had to pick him up. 0.98
01:22:07.000 And I don't know how the fuck he knew that something was going on. 0.98
01:22:10.000 Oh, that's right, because I was trying to get him in a laundry basket. 0.99
01:22:12.000 I was trying to put him in the laundry basket because I wanted to bring him to the doctor to get him fixed. 0.99
01:22:17.000 So suddenly his buddy, who he trusts, comes at him with a fucking kiss. 0.99
01:22:20.000 And not that deep into our relationship either. 0.99
01:22:22.000 Because he's only like 10 or 11 months old.
01:22:25.000 He's spraying in my house, man.
01:22:26.000 He's lifting his tail up and just shooting piss on my walls. 1.00
01:22:30.000 I was like, hey, you fuck. 1.00
01:22:32.000 Dude, he pissed all over the place. 1.00
01:22:34.000 By the time I realized I had to get him to a doctor, he pissed in my house like 10 times.
01:22:40.000 Because they just piss in the house. 1.00
01:22:42.000 And then I was worried, like, if you don't get them quick enough, like, you got to clean everything up, deep clean all the carpets.
01:22:48.000 But if you don't get to him quick enough, he just thinks, well, he's spraying from now on, even after you fix them.
01:22:53.000 That can be a problem.
01:22:55.000 So I tried to hold on to him and put him in this laundry basket. 0.94
01:22:59.000 And dude, he tore me the fuck up. 0.77
01:23:02.000 He tore my arms up. 0.92
01:23:03.000 He just scratched me and clawed me.
01:23:06.000 And he was remarkably strong.
01:23:08.000 And he's a little cat.
01:23:09.000 And this was your friend.
01:23:10.000 Like, he had become your buddy.
01:23:12.000 Well, he was saying the same to me. 1.00
01:23:13.000 I thought you were my friend, bitch. 1.00
01:23:14.000 I know. 1.00
01:23:14.000 He's like, I knew it! 1.00
01:23:15.000 I knew it, you fucking prick! 1.00
01:23:17.000 No more purrs! 1.00
01:23:17.000 So I had to throw a blanket on him. 1.00
01:23:20.000 He was hissing at me and trying to get out of the room.
01:23:22.000 I had to throw a blanket at him.
01:23:24.000 And under the blanket, I scooped him up and I put him in the laundry basket.
01:23:27.000 And then I slowly pulled the blanket.
01:23:38.000 Did you just leave it?
01:23:52.000 That guy loved animals, man.
01:23:54.000 He was the cat whisperer?
01:23:55.000 No, he knew how to take care of it.
01:23:57.000 I told him the whole deal coming in, and he knew how to handle it.
01:24:01.000 He's the only vet I've ever had cry with me.
01:24:05.000 Over what animal?
01:24:06.000 I had a puppy that had distemper.
01:24:09.000 A friend of mine found these puppies at a gas station.
01:24:12.000 Someone was giving them away.
01:24:14.000 And he took a bunch of them, and he calls me up.
01:24:16.000 He says, hey, man, you want a puppy?
01:24:17.000 They're at the gas station.
01:24:18.000 I said, yeah, man, bring that puppy over here. 0.99
01:24:21.000 Man, the puppy just, after like a couple of days of being at the house, would have these seizures, like violent seizures.
01:24:28.000 It would just lie down, its eyes would roll back, and you could just pet it a little bit, and it would slowly come back.
01:24:34.000 Then it would be weak and delirious, and it wouldn't know what would happen.
01:24:37.000 And then towards the end, it was having them all day long.
01:24:41.000 I mean, it was just all day long.
01:24:42.000 And that's distemper?
01:24:43.000 Yeah, yeah, distemper.
01:24:45.000 So how does it manifest again?
01:24:47.000 It's just some horrible neurological disease that dogs get.
01:24:51.000 And if they don't get the right shots when they're young, they can get this, and there's a bunch of different horrible reactions, and it's fatal.
01:24:59.000 So I had to take him to the vet, and the vet was like, there's really nothing we could do with him.
01:25:02.000 He's having seizures all night.
01:25:05.000 I mean, all night.
01:25:05.000 It was awful.
01:25:07.000 And he was like, he's going to die any hour now.
01:25:11.000 We're going to have to put him down.
01:25:12.000 So he puts him down, and he comes out.
01:25:15.000 In the hallway.
01:25:16.000 I mean, I held the dog.
01:25:18.000 I placed him down.
01:25:19.000 I gave him a kiss.
01:25:19.000 I said goodbye.
01:25:21.000 And he put the needle in the dog and put the dog to sleep.
01:25:25.000 Then we both went outside, man.
01:25:26.000 He was just crying, just weeping.
01:25:30.000 You know?
01:25:31.000 The guy just loved animals, man.
01:25:35.000 He had a ton of animals, man. 1.00
01:25:36.000 He had cats and dogs and all kinds of shit. 1.00
01:25:39.000 And he was killed by a drunk driver. 1.00
01:25:43.000 The vet was?
01:25:44.000 Yeah.
01:25:45.000 Yeah.
01:25:46.000 Yeah, it was rough.
01:25:47.000 That was a rough one.
01:25:49.000 I got an email, I believe, from his daughter.
01:25:55.000 It was a rough one.
01:25:58.000 Super good dude, man.
01:26:00.000 Who are you crying more for, the guy or the dog?
01:26:02.000 The dude.
01:26:04.000 Well, you started with the dog, though.
01:26:05.000 You started getting teary.
01:26:06.000 The dog was a bummer.
01:26:08.000 But it was more of a bummer even the way he was approaching it.
01:26:12.000 Just...
01:26:13.000 Human.
01:26:14.000 He was approaching it very humanly.
01:26:15.000 Like, you know, most doctors, I guess, were expected that they're like, I'm sorry, this person has passed on.
01:26:21.000 Yeah, he wasn't calloused about it at all.
01:26:23.000 You know, his feelings about it were super raw. 0.82
01:26:26.000 That's why I would imagine I would be as a doctor just like, I'm so fucking sorry. 0.80
01:26:30.000 That dude scared the fuck out of me with marriage.
01:26:32.000 In what way?
01:26:33.000 Because he would talk to me about his divorce.
01:26:36.000 And he would just grab me.
01:26:38.000 Like, grab me. 1.00
01:26:39.000 He goes, don't you fucking get married. 1.00
01:26:41.000 Don't you ever do it. 0.99
01:26:42.000 He's half joking and half serious, but he's like, trust me, you don't want to have to go through this kind of a breakup.
01:26:49.000 He goes, you got a girlfriend right now?
01:26:51.000 You break up with her, what happens?
01:26:52.000 You get broken up.
01:26:53.000 That's it.
01:26:54.000 You break up.
01:26:55.000 And he goes, you don't have to see them in court every week for a year over and over again while they're just trying to take money from you and lying about what you've done so they can get more money from you.
01:27:06.000 He went through a bad one, and I believe some of his friends went through real bad ones, too.
01:27:11.000 And just, he was one of those dudes.
01:27:12.000 And I was like, you know, 26, 27. I was like, Jesus, man.
01:27:16.000 You're like, this is a man of science.
01:27:18.000 He's a doctor.
01:27:18.000 He knows what he's talking about.
01:27:20.000 You know, a wise man who knew a lot of shit. 1.00
01:27:24.000 So when he, you know, I was a moron. 1.00
01:27:26.000 So when he grabbed me, he goes, listen, don't fucking get married. 1.00
01:27:29.000 Did you get married? 1.00
01:27:29.000 I got married. 1.00
01:27:31.000 He's just, you know, he was just a guy that...
01:27:35.000 You know, I mean, I really firmly believe when it comes to things like that.
01:27:40.000 There's these people that are just supposed to be doing what they're doing.
01:27:43.000 Right.
01:27:44.000 And he was a guy that was supposed to be working with animals.
01:27:46.000 Like, it just worked, man.
01:27:48.000 He had the heart for it.
01:27:49.000 I mean, he's a veterinarian.
01:27:50.000 He'd probably seen how many animals die, how many animals injured.
01:27:54.000 And still, the guy's...
01:27:57.000 A puppy is a baby dog.
01:27:58.000 Nobody wants to see a baby leave this world without a chance.
01:28:01.000 So the dude's got his heart in the right place.
01:28:03.000 That's the guy you want to bring your animal to.
01:28:05.000 100%.
01:28:05.000 He's also the first guy that ever told me, don't get my dog fixed.
01:28:08.000 Why?
01:28:09.000 Well, he said, look, he goes, don't let your dog have babies. 1.00
01:28:11.000 Don't be an asshole. 1.00
01:28:12.000 He goes, but if you get your dog fixed, you got to realize your dog's not going to have any testosterone anymore. 1.00
01:28:16.000 It's going to be tired.
01:28:17.000 It's not going to be the same dog.
01:28:19.000 And I was like, really?
01:28:20.000 And he's like, yeah.
01:28:20.000 And so, of course, I got my dog fixed.
01:28:22.000 You just would not fucking listen to this man, would you? 0.99
01:28:25.000 When I got him fixed, I was trying to calm him down. 0.99
01:28:27.000 He was a pit bull, and he was very aggressive.
01:28:29.000 And it did calm him down, but immediately lost most of his energy.
01:28:34.000 He just didn't have the same energy anymore.
01:28:37.000 He was kind of bummed out.
01:28:38.000 It was weird.
01:28:39.000 The yellow lab that I had, we had two.
01:28:42.000 When I first met Jennifer, my wife, she got pregnant shortly after we met.
01:28:51.000 Holla. 0.99
01:28:51.000 Yeah, that's how fucking virile I am. 0.99
01:28:54.000 Feral, like a cat. 0.99
01:28:57.000 So, you know, we'd never, like I'd never even owned a dog, so I was like, we should get a dog to see if we'd be good parents.
01:29:05.000 And so we went to the pet store in the Menlo Park Mall in New Jersey and looked for a yellow lab.
01:29:12.000 She had it in her head.
01:29:13.000 She's like, I had a yellow lab when I was a kid, and they're the best dogs for children, so let's go get a yellow lab.
01:29:17.000 I'd never had a dog in my life, so I was like, that sounds great.
01:29:21.000 I knew what they looked like.
01:29:22.000 So we went to the pet shop, tried to find a yellow lab, and we found this dog that was blonde like a yellow lab, and they were marketing it as a yellow lab, but she'd been left behind.
01:29:32.000 All the other puppies had gone, and she'd been there perhaps a little too long. 0.88
01:29:36.000 Like, you know, she wasn't a dog yet, but she was fucking on the, you know, what was the Britney Spears song? 0.98
01:29:44.000 I'm not a girl, not yet a woman. 0.99
01:29:47.000 That's where the dog was. 1.00
01:29:48.000 She was too big for the fucking cage. 1.00
01:29:50.000 Like her face was pressed up against it. 1.00
01:29:53.000 So we were like, what about this dog?
01:29:54.000 And it has been priced down.
01:29:56.000 You could see like $2,000 marked all the way down to like $600.
01:29:59.000 This is a Disney movie, man.
01:30:00.000 Truly.
01:30:00.000 So we got that dog.
01:30:02.000 And you never seen it. 1.00
01:30:04.000 It was like something out of a fucking cartoon. 0.99
01:30:07.000 Because we were the ones that were like, get out of this cramped-ass cage and come with us out into the parking lot. 0.99
01:30:12.000 This dog instantly bonded with us, loved us so fucking much, became so needy. 0.96
01:30:17.000 We called it Scully. 0.98
01:30:18.000 We were big fans of the X-Files.
01:30:20.000 So after a week of having that dog, and the dog was like up in our grill all the time, just like, thank you! 0.99
01:30:26.000 Thank you for fucking getting me out of there! 1.00
01:30:29.000 Like, you are my people and shit! 1.00
01:30:31.000 We were like, we should get another dog to babysit this dog so this dog has a friend. 1.00
01:30:35.000 So we went, instead of to the pet store, we went to a breeder's kennel, like a pedigree place. 0.99
01:30:40.000 And they had puppies, versions of fucking yellow labs. 0.99
01:30:45.000 And they were adorable. 1.00
01:30:46.000 Like fucking ten of them falling all over each other. 0.99
01:30:48.000 Like an animated, like a Pixar movie. 1.00
01:30:51.000 And Jennifer picks up one and bonds with it.
01:30:53.000 She's like, this is the one.
01:30:54.000 Let's get this one.
01:30:55.000 I went over to the counter.
01:30:56.000 I was like, alright, man.
01:30:56.000 We just bought a dog the week before.
01:30:58.000 $600. 1.00
01:30:59.000 And even then I was like, $600 fucking bucks, man. 0.99
01:31:02.000 They throw these things out. 1.00
01:31:03.000 We can get one for free and shit. 0.99
01:31:06.000 But I was like, I've never paid $600 for a dog. 0.99
01:31:08.000 So, you know, I went up to the counter expecting, well, that's the rate, I guess, the going rate for Yellow Lab is $600.
01:31:14.000 So I went up to the counter and I was like, we'll take that one.
01:31:16.000 And the lady's like, that'll be $4,000. 1.00
01:31:19.000 And I was like, for all of them?
01:31:21.000 I just want one.
01:31:22.000 And she's like, these are pedigree dogs.
01:31:24.000 And I just met Jennifer, barely knew her, so I couldn't turn around and be like, put that down.
01:31:28.000 That's too expensive.
01:31:30.000 I tried to represent.
01:31:31.000 So I was just like, well...
01:31:33.000 $4,000, we're paying too low.
01:31:34.000 We are stealing from you!
01:31:36.000 And we got that dog.
01:31:38.000 And to be fair, we named him Mulder.
01:31:40.000 Because again, X-Files fans.
01:31:41.000 Scully and Mulder.
01:31:42.000 And Scully was just...
01:31:44.000 Like happy, heart that just loved. 0.98
01:31:48.000 Mulder was so smart and fucking thoughtful. 0.96
01:31:52.000 He wrote my four best movies. 0.99
01:31:55.000 That's why he died.
01:31:56.000 I made Tusk and Yoga Hosers, like without that dog writing for me.
01:32:00.000 How'd he write for you?
01:32:01.000 It's a joke, Joe.
01:32:02.000 He was feral.
01:32:04.000 He's just saying he was so smart.
01:32:06.000 Bro.
01:32:06.000 He was so smart.
01:32:07.000 How smart was he?
01:32:08.000 He was so smart he wrote my last few scripts.
01:32:10.000 Joke didn't quite land.
01:32:12.000 Sorry, folks.
01:32:12.000 I was missing something.
01:32:13.000 I wasn't paying attention.
01:32:14.000 I didn't set it up properly. 0.99
01:32:15.000 I'm not a fucking pro. 0.97
01:32:16.000 But in any event, he was wonderful, but we got him clipped. 0.98
01:32:23.000 His demeanor never really changed.
01:32:25.000 He was always very low-key.
01:32:27.000 We called him Kilroy because he'd go to the other side of the bed and just look up like this.
01:32:30.000 Yeah, I got my Mastiff snipped, and it didn't really change his personality much.
01:32:34.000 He stayed the same.
01:32:34.000 Yeah, he stayed the same.
01:32:35.000 But he was always kind of a mellow dog.
01:32:37.000 He's very big dogs.
01:32:39.000 They don't like to do too much.
01:32:40.000 We got a rescue last year, a year and a half ago, that was like when Mulder died a couple years ago.
01:32:48.000 He was... 0.97
01:32:49.000 He made it to 15, which is, like, fucking deep. 0.98
01:32:51.000 That's old. 0.99
01:32:52.000 And for a big dog, too, it's pretty deep. 0.99
01:32:55.000 Like, a doctor will stick around, you know, for fucking, like, cancer. 0.99
01:32:58.000 But a fucking big dog like that, generally, you don't make it past 10, 11. So we got a lot of good years out of him and stuff. 0.99
01:33:04.000 But it was fucking horrible when he died. 0.99
01:33:05.000 I spent... 0.98
01:33:06.000 The last two years of Scully's life, almost as a rehearsal for Mulder, they're yellow labs, so what usually goes first is the hips and the back legs.
01:33:15.000 So Scully's back legs went, she just, the rest of her body could work, but she was literally dragging her carcass. 1.00
01:33:21.000 What was wrong with her legs?
01:33:22.000 They just went, doctor was like, that just happens, they're done.
01:33:25.000 Wow.
01:33:26.000 And she was 12, 13, so she'd made it a while.
01:33:29.000 So they just stop working?
01:33:31.000 Just stop working.
01:33:31.000 Just give out.
01:33:32.000 So the nerves stop firing?
01:33:34.000 The legs stop moving?
01:33:34.000 There's no muscle lifting up?
01:33:35.000 And that's a common thing with labs?
01:33:37.000 Yeah.
01:33:38.000 So I put a scarf under her, the back end of her, called her the magic walking scarf, and I would become the back legs for her. 0.99
01:33:45.000 So she would walk and I would be the back legs and, you know, fucking get shit and piss all over her and stuff. 1.00
01:33:49.000 But I dug the dog, so it was no big deal. 0.99
01:33:51.000 So I did that all the way up to when Scully passed away. 0.50
01:33:55.000 And then Mulder was always very healthy and fucking mobile and loved walking and stuff. 0.85
01:33:59.000 Super athletic dog. 0.99
01:34:00.000 Jen would take him up on Runyon Canyon and shit. 1.00
01:34:03.000 Then one day his back legs started dropping and your fucking heart sinks because you're like, all right, Scully, she wasn't that active. 0.99
01:34:10.000 So when she lost her legs, like, yeah, it was a bummer, but she wasn't like the runaround dog. 0.99
01:34:15.000 She used to chase moldy. 1.00
01:34:17.000 You'd throw a ball.
01:34:18.000 Mulder would run after and she would just chase Mulder and try to bite his back legs to prevent him from doing it because she wasn't nearly as fast. 0.99
01:34:23.000 Mulder was the go-out guy. 0.99
01:34:25.000 He loved to fucking be active. 0.98
01:34:27.000 So when his back legs went, it was like heartbreaking. 0.99
01:34:30.000 And then he stuck around for two more years.
01:34:33.000 So it was literally two years of me magic walking scarfing this dog.
01:34:39.000 Then he got to the place where...
01:34:42.000 He did, you know, it wasn't distemper, but when you were talking about it, it sounded so familiar.
01:34:46.000 He would do that thing, this thing where he would be like... 0.97
01:34:53.000 And this would go on for fucking hours. 0.99
01:34:55.000 And you could tell it was exhausting for him. 0.99
01:34:57.000 And he couldn't fucking move. 0.96
01:34:59.000 So, you know, everyone in the family was like, it's time to let him go. 0.98
01:35:04.000 And this was like when he first lost his legs. 0.99
01:35:06.000 But I was like, are you fucking shitting me? 1.00
01:35:07.000 If I lose my legs, you better fucking put a magic walking scarf around my fat ass and not fucking turn me over to the needle. 1.00
01:35:14.000 I was like, this is fucking family here. 1.00
01:35:17.000 So, I held on to him for as long as I could until he got to that place where he was in obvious fucking pain. 0.99
01:35:24.000 And I remember I shot a video of it on my phone. 0.98
01:35:27.000 I still have it. 0.97
01:35:28.000 And it's not, you know, it sounds fucking cruel or sick, but... 0.77
01:35:32.000 It was just a reminder because every once in a while, I knew eventually that we would have to put him down. 1.00
01:35:38.000 It's such a weird relationship where one day you're like, I love you to death and I love you so much I have to fucking kill you. 1.00
01:35:44.000 So I had that video on my phone for the longest time so that when, in the wee small hours of the morning, I would wake up and be like, you killed your best fucking friend. 1.00
01:35:53.000 I could watch that video and be like, you had to. 1.00
01:35:56.000 He wanted to go.
01:35:57.000 His dog was sick.
01:35:59.000 So the doctor came over.
01:36:01.000 We got the vet to come over to the house.
01:36:03.000 And it was like a big deal. 1.00
01:36:04.000 It was like we all knew it was coming and shit. 0.99
01:36:06.000 I was flying home from a gig. 0.99
01:36:10.000 And I kept telling Jennifer, don't do anything.
01:36:13.000 Just freeze.
01:36:14.000 I'll be there as quickly as possible. 0.90
01:36:16.000 And so, like Dr. Kumar, who's our vet, was scheduled to come over and that last fucking hour was probably hands down the most difficult hour of my life, man, because we all knew what was coming. 0.74
01:36:30.000 And you're programmed to stop that at all costs. 0.52
01:36:34.000 You're programmed to keep people around, keep yourself around.
01:36:39.000 And yet, like, we were just all sitting there loving on him, knowing that, like, by the time Dr. Kumar gets here, it's all done. 0.97
01:36:44.000 It was fucking hard, dude. 0.55
01:36:46.000 It was the hardest thing in the world to do, and he was still in pain the whole time. 0.98
01:36:49.000 So even though you knew you were doing the right thing, it was like, like, I understand why that vet, you know, got emotional.
01:36:57.000 Yeah.
01:36:58.000 It's tough.
01:36:59.000 So in any event, we lost that dog a while ago, a couple years ago.
01:37:03.000 And on my 45th birthday, we were back east doing a show at the Count Basie Theater in Red Bank.
01:37:10.000 We were doing Yoga Hosers, screening it, and we were shooting it for the comic book men's show.
01:37:16.000 So I was driving down the highway in Middletown, New Jersey, and I passed the place where we had bought Mulder.
01:37:22.000 And so I was just like, you know what, man?
01:37:24.000 I'm 45 years old. 1.00
01:37:25.000 I'm a grown-ass fucking man. 1.00
01:37:27.000 Like, I make my own money. 1.00
01:37:28.000 I can do whatever I want. 1.00
01:37:29.000 I'm going to buy a fucking dog. 1.00
01:37:30.000 I'm going to replace that dog. 1.00
01:37:32.000 Like, I'm going to get me another yellow lab.
01:37:34.000 And we've had two dogs since then, right?
01:37:36.000 We got Louie, which is a chocolate lab, and Shecky is my favorite.
01:37:39.000 This is a little miniature doction.
01:37:41.000 But, like, I missed Mulder, and I was like, I'm going to replace him.
01:37:44.000 And then, so I went into the pet store.
01:37:46.000 Same place.
01:37:46.000 The puppies, puppies, puppies, where we had gotten Mulder.
01:37:50.000 And I walked in, and I didn't see any yellow labs, and there was nobody at the counter, so I was like, alright, I'll get out of here. 0.97
01:37:55.000 And a lady comes out, and she's like, can I help you?
01:37:57.000 And I was like, um, yeah.
01:37:59.000 I was like, well, honestly, I came looking for a yellow lab, but like, you guys don't have any.
01:38:03.000 She's like, we have one in the back.
01:38:05.000 And so I was like, okay, can I meet him?
01:38:07.000 She said, oh, sit right down.
01:38:08.000 They put you into a little room and stuff like that, and then they bring the dog in.
01:38:12.000 And in my head, I'm like, I'm counting the money out. 0.97
01:38:15.000 I'm sure inflation has hit the dog market, so it's going to be more than $4,000, but I'm ready to fucking go. 0.97
01:38:21.000 And then they bring in this puppy. 0.94
01:38:24.000 And he was good.
01:38:25.000 Like, he was a good dog.
01:38:26.000 He was very bouncy. 1.00
01:38:27.000 He was energetic as fuck. 1.00
01:38:28.000 You could cut this dog's nuts off and it wouldn't have mattered. 1.00
01:38:31.000 But he wasn't Mulder. 0.99
01:38:33.000 He looked exactly like him.
01:38:34.000 But he wasn't him.
01:38:35.000 There's this weird lesson of like, when it's gone, it's gone.
01:38:39.000 And you need to appreciate it more when it's there because...
01:38:44.000 They tell you this from a young age, but everything dies and nothing's fucking replaceable at the end of the day. 0.57
01:38:52.000 So as I sat there playing with this dog, I was like, it's not him. 0.65
01:38:56.000 It's never going to be him.
01:38:57.000 And I would sit there, raise this dog his whole life, expect him to be something else. 1.00
01:39:02.000 Somebody else out there wants this fucking hyper puppy. 1.00
01:39:06.000 Not me. 1.00
01:39:06.000 But I took a picture of it because I was like, I'm going to fuck with my wife. 1.00
01:39:09.000 And so I took a picture of the dog and texted it to her. 1.00
01:39:12.000 My wife instantly calls me back to be like, do not buy a fucking dog. 1.00
01:39:15.000 You can't do that. 1.00
01:39:16.000 I said, I'm a 45 year old grown ass man. 0.98
01:39:18.000 I can do what I want. 0.90
01:39:19.000 She goes, no, we have two older dogs at home and it'd be so unfair to bring a new dog into the house. 0.98
01:39:24.000 And she hit me on that level going like, you know what?
01:39:26.000 You're absolutely right.
01:39:27.000 She's like, you got to wait until one of the other dogs dies. 1.00
01:39:29.000 Then you could buy a new dog.
01:39:30.000 I said, fair enough.
01:39:32.000 And two days later, my wife, right before we go home to Los Angeles, like uncharacteristically, I think?
01:39:56.000 And I was like, that's so sad.
01:39:57.000 She's like, they found this dog.
01:39:59.000 He was tied up outside a kill shelter with a rope and was trying to gnaw through the rope.
01:40:03.000 And so these people, they took it home to foster it, but they can't keep it.
01:40:07.000 They already have six dogs, so they need a home for this dog.
01:40:10.000 And I'm like, okay, what does that have to do with us?
01:40:14.000 And she was just like, we should be the home.
01:40:16.000 I'm like, what happened to like, we can't get a new dog because it'd be unfair to the other two old dogs.
01:40:20.000 She's like, Kevin, look at this dog.
01:40:22.000 So we went over to a lady's house and saw this dog that sounded like the distemper case that you described with the puppy. 1.00
01:40:28.000 This dog was fucking dead. 0.99
01:40:31.000 Three paws in the grave. 1.00
01:40:32.000 Just weakly looked up at us and fucking weakly went right back down and shit. 1.00
01:40:37.000 Looked like hell. 1.00
01:40:38.000 Honestly, looked like a skeleton with just a dog head glued to it.
01:40:44.000 But heartbreaking, you know, and so instantly I'm like, this dog's on death watch.
01:40:48.000 If we bring this dog home, it's going to help these people, you know, so they don't have to take care of yet another dog.
01:40:52.000 But like, this dog's going to die on our watch.
01:40:55.000 This dog ain't going to make it. 1.00
01:40:56.000 Look how fucking lethargic it is. 0.99
01:40:57.000 When we picked her up, she felt like she was like 12 pounds. 0.99
01:41:00.000 And this is a dog that's mixed pit. 1.00
01:41:01.000 It's got a pit fucking head, hard as shit and shit, but she was all like emaciated. 1.00
01:41:05.000 We took her home. 1.00
01:41:06.000 After a week, man, that's when she started, like, getting alert and shit. 0.97
01:41:10.000 And the vet had told me, he goes, I said, what do we do for her? 0.97
01:41:13.000 How do we fatten her up? 1.00
01:41:14.000 He goes, give her eggs. 1.00
01:41:15.000 I said, eggs?
01:41:16.000 He goes, yeah, my egg's good for her. 0.98
01:41:17.000 Give her protein. 0.99
01:41:18.000 It'll fatten her up. 1.00
01:41:18.000 It'll also be good for her coat. 1.00
01:41:19.000 It'll bring her hair back. 0.99
01:41:20.000 I said, all right.
01:41:21.000 So I started making eggs every morning.
01:41:23.000 She had scrambled eggs, and I'd give her the eggs. 1.00
01:41:25.000 She'd, like, suck it up and shit. 1.00
01:41:26.000 And then I was like, these eggs are so plain. 1.00
01:41:27.000 So I started putting, like, bacon in them and cheese.
01:41:29.000 Started making omelets for the dog and whatnot. 0.99
01:41:31.000 Dog got fucking fat quick. 1.00
01:41:34.000 Healthy, all the fur came back, took the dog into the vet, and the doctor was just like, what the fuck happened to this dog? 1.00
01:41:39.000 This dog's like 90 pounds. 0.99
01:41:41.000 I was like, you said to give her eggs.
01:41:42.000 I've been giving her omelets every morning.
01:41:43.000 He goes, I didn't say to cook the eggs.
01:41:46.000 I was like, what do you mean?
01:41:47.000 He's like, you just break an egg and put it in a bowl. 1.00
01:41:48.000 It's a fucking dog. 1.00
01:41:49.000 They just eat it. 1.00
01:41:50.000 Like, you made it to eggs?
01:41:51.000 I was like, yeah.
01:41:52.000 Got in a fight with my wife many times because she was like, you never made me an omelet. 1.00
01:41:55.000 I was like, well, the dog is dying here.
01:41:57.000 So that dog, we nursed it back to health.
01:41:59.000 We named it Mad Martigan, Marty.
01:42:01.000 And she, since we don't know her history, like, we figure she's six years old, the doctor guessed.
01:42:09.000 She's clearly a street dog, and she lives... 0.99
01:42:12.000 In her head, I guess, the same way that that cat you described did. 0.99
01:42:16.000 Everything was fucking terrifying. 0.99
01:42:19.000 It took a long time for her to fucking trust. 1.00
01:42:21.000 And she loves my fucking wife. 1.00
01:42:23.000 Like, she must understand that, like, she was the one that fucking got her into this house and shit. 1.00
01:42:28.000 So when other people come into the room, she goes fucking nuts. 1.00
01:42:33.000 Because she's very fucking protective of the wife and shit like that. 1.00
01:42:37.000 She could flip fast. 1.00
01:42:38.000 And recently we had an incident in the house because she doesn't get along with the two other dogs.
01:42:42.000 So we had to put up all these like what we call checkpoint Charlies in the house. 0.99
01:42:45.000 These series of dog gates.
01:42:46.000 Do you have other female dogs? 0.99
01:42:48.000 They're all female. 1.00
01:42:49.000 Three females. 0.78
01:42:51.000 I've had problems with that in the past.
01:42:53.000 Females, they don't give up the alpha position. 1.00
01:42:57.000 Like, males would give up.
01:42:58.000 Like, if you have a couple males, they'll figure out who's the boss.
01:43:01.000 And the boss will run the house.
01:43:03.000 Like, I have two males.
01:43:05.000 One of them is 120 pounds.
01:43:07.000 He's a Mastiff. 1.00
01:43:08.000 And the other one is a Shibu Inu English Bulldog mix.
01:43:11.000 They have a very clear, you know, one of them is way bigger.
01:43:15.000 So there's no issues.
01:43:16.000 So who's the boss?
01:43:17.000 The one's the boss. 0.92
01:43:18.000 But females, they don't give up on that. 1.00
01:43:21.000 They keep fighting.
01:43:22.000 So it's just like I'm the alpha.
01:43:23.000 They keep going after each other.
01:43:24.000 It's really common.
01:43:26.000 It's really common with females, especially if you leave them alone for any length of time. 1.00
01:43:30.000 They fuck each other up, man. 0.99
01:43:32.000 It happened, not on my watch, thank God. 1.00
01:43:35.000 It happened while I was away.
01:43:36.000 It happened a bunch of times with me.
01:43:37.000 Did it?
01:43:37.000 Yeah, I used to have two females.
01:43:39.000 It was terrible.
01:43:40.000 Terrible.
01:43:41.000 Ours was – ours happened when I was away.
01:43:43.000 I was just doing a show two, three weeks ago.
01:43:44.000 I was in Vancouver.
01:43:45.000 I did a few Canadian shows and that night my kid called me and she was like, Marty and Shecky got into a fight.
01:43:51.000 I was like, what?
01:43:52.000 And Shecky is literally – she's not even a doction.
01:43:54.000 She's a miniature doction and Marty is the size of a pit bull and mixed pit. 1.00
01:43:58.000 So they've seen each other.
01:44:00.000 They walk with each other.
01:44:01.000 We walk them in the hills. 1.00
01:44:02.000 They'll walk side by side and shit. 1.00
01:44:03.000 But the moment you get in that house, it becomes territorial. 1.00
01:44:07.000 You have to fight for love.
01:44:07.000 Why?
01:44:08.000 Because they want your love.
01:44:09.000 Like, your love feels so good.
01:44:10.000 Like, if you come over and massage them and another dog comes by, you might stop massaging them and start massaging that other dog.
01:44:16.000 So they'll attack that dog.
01:44:17.000 I'm not kidding.
01:44:19.000 That's what goes on in a dog's head?
01:44:20.000 100%.
01:44:21.000 Yeah.
01:44:21.000 Especially dogs that have been mistreated.
01:44:23.000 So they're just jealous.
01:44:24.000 Yes.
01:44:25.000 My dog that had an issue with this was also a dog that I got from the pound.
01:44:28.000 I got a couple from the pound.
01:44:29.000 One from the street.
01:44:31.000 She was covered in mange, and I nursed her back to health in a similar story.
01:44:34.000 She was two years old.
01:44:35.000 She had extended nipples, so she had had puppies. 0.92
01:44:38.000 Wait, wait, wait. 0.99
01:44:41.000 This dog has also extended...
01:44:43.000 What did you call it?
01:44:44.000 Distended or extended?
01:44:45.000 Yeah, extended.
01:44:45.000 I might have the wrong terminology.
01:44:47.000 But the vet said that doesn't necessarily mean...
01:44:49.000 In Marty's case, I was like, does she have puppies? 0.99
01:44:52.000 Because it looked like she had nipples. 1.00
01:44:54.000 But he was like, no. 0.99
01:44:55.000 Also, in some cases, it happens with dogs that are emaciated.
01:44:58.000 But I can't imagine A street dog didn't get laid.
01:45:01.000 Yeah, I don't know.
01:45:02.000 I mean, the vet said she had had puppies.
01:45:05.000 I don't know.
01:45:05.000 I don't know why he determined that.
01:45:07.000 I think he had said because the nipples, they were hanging low like that.
01:45:10.000 That's what I always thought.
01:45:10.000 My vet was like, no.
01:45:12.000 But the two females, like the male got along great with both dogs. 0.94
01:45:16.000 He had no problems with them. 1.00
01:45:17.000 But those females, man, they would fight all the fucking time. 1.00
01:45:20.000 And they would fight whenever one of them, when someone would come over to get They got in a big fight once because the pool guy came over and the pool guy was like, hey, what's up kids? 0.99
01:45:30.000 And he pet one of the dogs and didn't pet the other one. 1.00
01:45:33.000 And so they started going after each other like, fuck you, no fuck you. 1.00
01:45:37.000 And you know, I get this call, hey man, your dogs are about to fuck each other up over the pool guy. 1.00
01:45:41.000 I'm like, oh my god. 0.97
01:45:43.000 So I had to keep the girls separate. 0.98
01:45:47.000 We were keeping them separate with Gates, but somebody turned her back and the two wound up in the same space and fucking went at it. 1.00
01:45:57.000 And so one dog's way bigger than the other, and so the big dog picked the little dog up by her hind quarters and was like, shaking it like a dog shakes a toy. 0.97
01:46:07.000 But meanwhile, Shecky is the little one.
01:46:09.000 She has no Napoleon complex, so she's got no idea of like, you're bigger than me. 0.99
01:46:14.000 She didn't give a fuck. 1.00
01:46:15.000 So as... 1.00
01:46:16.000 The dog, as Marty is swinging Shecky, the little dog, the little dog is swinging from side to side, biting her, and then swinging to the other side and biting her.
01:46:25.000 She wouldn't go down, dude. 0.99
01:46:26.000 Like, I imagine if somebody bit me in the ass and shook me from side to side, I'd be like, you win. 1.00
01:46:31.000 But this dog was just like, from fucking hell's heart, I stab at thee. 1.00
01:46:36.000 She kept trying to go right back at her. 1.00
01:46:38.000 So when I came home, it was fucking heartbreaking, because I'd heard they got in a fight, and my daughter was like, she's got stitches and stuff. 0.96
01:46:45.000 So I was prepared for stitches, but when I got home... 0.98
01:46:49.000 It looked fucking terrible. 1.00
01:46:51.000 She looked like the fucking walrus from Tusk, like a Frankenstein version of her leg. 1.00
01:46:56.000 How was the other dog? 1.00
01:46:58.000 She had pieces of her missing chunks out of her fur.
01:47:01.000 Was she acting sketchy?
01:47:02.000 She knew she got in trouble because Jennifer put her into what we call chicken's prisons, the other side of the gate where you lured dogs in with chicken and then you're locked in the bathroom. 1.00
01:47:12.000 You can still see everybody else, but there's a gate keeping you on that side of the room.
01:47:15.000 So she went to jail. 0.81
01:47:16.000 For that. 0.98
01:47:17.000 And you can tell she felt fucking bad about it. 0.96
01:47:19.000 But does it linger? 0.98
01:47:22.000 Like, you seem to know more about dogs.
01:47:24.000 That little dog's always going to remember that fight, right?
01:47:26.000 Oh, they're both going to remember it.
01:47:28.000 Yeah, if you leave them alone, they're going to do it again.
01:47:30.000 They're girls. 1.00
01:47:32.000 If you brought home an extra wife, how do you think that would work out? 0.99
01:47:36.000 That's exactly how it's like with dogs.
01:47:39.000 How do you know that?
01:47:40.000 Who told you that?
01:47:41.000 Dr. Craig, my friend who died.
01:47:42.000 The vet who died?
01:47:43.000 Yeah.
01:47:44.000 He just said, you can't have two girls. 0.89
01:47:47.000 He goes, they're just going to go at it.
01:47:49.000 He goes, more often than not.
01:47:50.000 He goes, you leave them alone, you have a nice big yard, doesn't matter.
01:47:54.000 I want to sit there.
01:47:55.000 Why are you sitting there?
01:47:56.000 That's my spot.
01:47:57.000 And boy dogs want to do that to each other?
01:47:58.000 Boy dogs can do that. 1.00
01:48:00.000 They fight over other shit. 1.00
01:48:00.000 They can do that. 1.00
01:48:01.000 They can fight.
01:48:02.000 But boy dogs, if the alpha...
01:48:04.000 This is according to dog people, not me.
01:48:07.000 I don't really know what I'm talking about.
01:48:09.000 But the way it's been explained to me is that boy dogs, for the most part... 0.98
01:48:29.000 I didn't know this about the alpha shit and with Scully I was, again, a new dog owner, right? 0.99
01:48:37.000 So I would go to let Scully and Mulder out. 0.99
01:48:40.000 And Scully would barge through the door. 0.97
01:48:43.000 Right, he's the alpha.
01:48:44.000 First, she was the alpha.
01:48:45.000 She's the alpha.
01:48:46.000 And I didn't know this until later in life.
01:48:49.000 Later in her life. 0.99
01:48:50.000 I would get fucking shitty about it. 0.99
01:48:52.000 Like, hey man, him first. 0.99
01:48:54.000 And so I'd hold her back and let him out.
01:48:57.000 And the betrayal on her face and the confusion on Mulder's face of like, bro, bro, no, no, no, no, bro, let her go, let her go, bro.
01:49:05.000 Isn't it funny how we attach these human characteristics to animals?
01:49:08.000 We decide that we're going to stop bullying amongst the dogs.
01:49:11.000 Yeah, like, I know the order of things.
01:49:13.000 You should go first.
01:49:14.000 Bullying in grade school, bad. 0.99
01:49:16.000 Bullying in dogs, you ain't going to do shit about it. 0.99
01:49:18.000 You just better let that go. 0.99
01:49:20.000 Just don't let them fight with each other, but my...
01:49:22.000 My two older dogs, they're the only ones that have issues.
01:49:26.000 Marshall's the younger dog.
01:49:28.000 He runs circles around everybody.
01:49:29.000 But when I open the door to feed them, the big one comes in first every time. 0.99
01:49:33.000 And if the little one's too close to the door, he'll fucking sideswipe. 0.99
01:49:37.000 And you're out. 1.00
01:49:38.000 Like, nah, bitch. 1.00
01:49:38.000 I'm eating first. 1.00
01:49:39.000 That's what Muscully would do.
01:49:40.000 It's just clear rules.
01:49:42.000 But I let them do it.
01:49:43.000 They don't fight with each other.
01:49:44.000 They're cool with everything.
01:49:45.000 But this is just the leadership that they've established.
01:49:49.000 And it's one of those things that, like...
01:49:51.000 Hit me in the wrong way because I'm not an animal.
01:49:54.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:49:56.000 They've obviously got a system down.
01:49:58.000 They've worked it out. 0.94
01:49:59.000 Everything's fucking cool. 0.96
01:50:00.000 My friend Whitney Cummings knows way more about dogs and animals than I do. 0.97
01:50:03.000 She actually has a horse that she raises that's like a rescue horse.
01:50:07.000 She rides it with no saddle. 0.98
01:50:09.000 And she has a bunch of dogs. 1.00
01:50:11.000 Wow.
01:50:12.000 Heartweight rescue horse.
01:50:13.000 Somebody got rid of a horse?
01:50:14.000 No, it's a horse.
01:50:16.000 I think if they use them for movies and stunt horses and stuff like that, they don't have one person who owns them.
01:50:22.000 Some horses get abandoned and she rescued this one horse.
01:50:25.000 Very similar to what happens with dogs.
01:50:26.000 Someone abandons a horse?
01:50:28.000 Yep.
01:50:28.000 Yep.
01:50:29.000 Horses get abused.
01:50:31.000 In fact, I was talking to Kat Zingano the other day, too.
01:50:35.000 She's one of the top UFC women bantamweight fighters. 0.85
01:50:38.000 And she was talking about equine therapy, too.
01:50:41.000 That she's worked with horses and takes care of horses.
01:50:43.000 And there's something about a human bond with a horse.
01:50:46.000 You're petting a horse and riding a horse and feeding a horse.
01:50:49.000 There's like a very good love bond that people develop with horses.
01:50:53.000 But Whitney knows a shitload about animals, is my point.
01:50:55.000 And...
01:50:56.000 When I talk to her about her dogs, she's like, she goes, well, I'm the boss.
01:51:00.000 She goes, I don't walk around them.
01:51:02.000 I walk through them.
01:51:03.000 I walk through them. 0.99
01:51:04.000 They're out of my fucking way. 0.99
01:51:05.000 Like, we have a real clear, like, there's a power structure in the house. 0.99
01:51:10.000 Whitney's the top boss. 0.92
01:51:12.000 And then all the dogs have to just deal with her. 1.00
01:51:14.000 So she, like, pushes them out of the way.
01:51:16.000 100%.
01:51:17.000 She pushes them out of the way.
01:51:18.000 She decides when they eat.
01:51:19.000 She makes them sleep in pens. 0.98
01:51:22.000 Oh, really?
01:51:23.000 Yeah.
01:51:23.000 She gives them rules.
01:51:25.000 Yeah.
01:51:26.000 There's a lot of structure.
01:51:27.000 It's pretty gangster.
01:51:28.000 Yeah.
01:51:28.000 She's an intense woman.
01:51:29.000 I would not want to be mothered in that way.
01:51:31.000 Like you, get back in your corner.
01:51:32.000 But the thing is, she's like, they're dogs.
01:51:34.000 She's like, they're not people.
01:51:35.000 And we attach these human characteristics and needs to them.
01:51:38.000 And that's not what they want.
01:51:39.000 What they want is order.
01:51:40.000 And they want you to be, they want love and a lot of affection.
01:51:43.000 And they want exercise and all those other great things and good food.
01:51:46.000 But they also want order. 1.00
01:51:47.000 And her order is, she's the fucking boss. 1.00
01:51:49.000 She's the boss of the house. 1.00
01:51:51.000 I guess that makes sense.
01:51:51.000 It totally makes sense.
01:51:52.000 Yeah.
01:51:52.000 She's read a shitload of books on it.
01:51:54.000 I've read a couple books like way, way back in the day on dogs.
01:51:58.000 I read some books on dogs, but I don't know enough.
01:52:00.000 All my information is species picked up from fucking vets and also probably a lot of theories that I stitched together myself. 0.94
01:52:05.000 Sure, me too. 0.99
01:52:06.000 Disinformation. 1.00
01:52:06.000 I project onto the animals like fucking crazy. 1.00
01:52:08.000 Do you give your dogs voices and shit like that? 1.00
01:52:10.000 Voices? 0.99
01:52:11.000 Yeah, like do you do the dog's life for your wife and stuff?
01:52:14.000 Like I'm always like...
01:52:15.000 No.
01:52:15.000 You don't?
01:52:16.000 I do sometimes for Marshall because he's so silly. 1.00
01:52:19.000 Because he's such a silly dog. 1.00
01:52:20.000 So you'll be like, oh, you're a silly dog. 1.00
01:52:21.000 What am I going to do? 1.00
01:52:22.000 There you go.
01:52:23.000 What am I going to do?
01:52:23.000 My voice for Shecky is...
01:52:26.000 Shecky, in my world, the little doctrine calls me the man.
01:52:29.000 She doesn't know my name.
01:52:30.000 She just knows me as the man.
01:52:31.000 She knows my wife as that lady. 1.00
01:52:33.000 So she's always like, the man is home.
01:52:36.000 Oh, I love the man.
01:52:37.000 He's full of pets and food.
01:52:38.000 Because I wonder how they view me.
01:52:41.000 Do they...
01:52:41.000 View me as an alpha, because I'm the guy that's like, I'll take you out for a walk.
01:52:45.000 I'm going to give you fucking food. 1.00
01:52:46.000 Well, your voice is deeper, you're larger, and you would be the most intimidating if you had to fight to the death. 1.00
01:52:52.000 But they don't see me like that, because they've never even seen me be mad.
01:52:55.000 I'm always like, I love you.
01:52:56.000 They hear your voice.
01:52:58.000 You have a deep voice. 0.99
01:52:58.000 They've heard me fight with my wife, and they're like, I don't want to get into shit with him. 0.99
01:53:01.000 If you guys are arguing and yelling at each other, for sure. 0.99
01:53:03.000 But the fact that you have a deep voice, it shows you're male.
01:53:08.000 That's enough for them to not...
01:53:10.000 Yeah, but alright, but let's say, like, Shucky I've had for 13 years.
01:53:14.000 Over 13 years, this little dog knows, like, I got him wrapped around my finger.
01:53:18.000 I can make the man do anything I want. 0.98
01:53:20.000 The way you talk and the way you look, if a guy the size of LeBron James was right next to you with his fucking crazy deep voice and super powerful body, and he talked to that dog, that dog would listen to him. 0.99
01:53:31.000 Oh, really? 0.97
01:53:31.000 The dog would be like, oh, that's the boss. 0.97
01:53:33.000 You'd be like, finally, a real man's voice.
01:53:35.000 Well, there's just 100%, no doubt about it, that's a way bigger organism than that dog.
01:53:39.000 Right.
01:53:39.000 And it's talking with this deep voice, and it has confidence, like, yep, whatever you need.
01:53:43.000 I'm just going to lay down right here.
01:53:45.000 But if you were like some little...
01:53:47.000 What's that fella...
01:53:49.000 Like, give me a small person's name.
01:53:52.000 Herve Villachez?
01:53:53.000 No, no, no, no.
01:53:54.000 I meant, like, very thin.
01:53:56.000 Wispy?
01:53:57.000 Tony.
01:53:57.000 Tony Hinchcliffe.
01:53:59.000 Well, Tony Hinchcliffe...
01:54:00.000 When Tony Hinchcliffe was 20, let's say that, and he tried to, you know, talk to the same dog in the same room.
01:54:06.000 The dog would be, like, dismissive.
01:54:07.000 Like, I'm used to LeBron James give me directions.
01:54:11.000 You call that a voice?
01:54:12.000 You call that timber?
01:54:13.000 I might be able to eat you. 0.94
01:54:14.000 So I think, like...
01:54:16.000 With Whitney's case, she doesn't leave any room for any gray area.
01:54:20.000 She just runs the roost. 1.00
01:54:21.000 But she's super affectionate with her dogs. 1.00
01:54:23.000 All these pictures on Instagram of her cuddling with her dogs.
01:54:26.000 She clearly loves dogs.
01:54:28.000 Until it's cage time.
01:54:30.000 To the book. 1.00
01:54:30.000 Then she's like, get in your fucking cage. 1.00
01:54:33.000 Some people sleep with their dogs and shit. 1.00
01:54:35.000 Which is cool, but the dogs are farting in your face and stuff. 1.00
01:54:38.000 You're trying to sleep and they're snoring.
01:54:39.000 Like, you're losing sleep for a dog.
01:54:41.000 I don't know about all that.
01:54:43.000 I don't know if that's the move.
01:54:45.000 Bro, you literally cried about a puppy before.
01:54:47.000 I know, but...
01:54:47.000 And now you're gonna tell me, like, I draw the line of dog farts.
01:54:50.000 I don't care how fucking cute they are. 0.99
01:54:52.000 You can have your own bed, dude. 0.99
01:54:52.000 It's over there. 0.99
01:54:53.000 You go over there.
01:54:54.000 I'm in here.
01:54:55.000 No, no, no.
01:54:55.000 Let me come in bed with you.
01:54:57.000 They take their dog shit-smeared paws and rub your sheets with them. 1.00
01:55:02.000 Touch your pillowcase. 1.00
01:55:03.000 They don't wash their feet.
01:55:04.000 That's part of the deal.
01:55:05.000 Well, that's why they don't sleep in the bed, man. 0.99
01:55:07.000 This is ridiculous.
01:55:08.000 I let the little one sleep in the bed with us. 0.92
01:55:10.000 But she got very short hair, too.
01:55:11.000 When I was in high school, my dog had fleas real bad, and I had fleas in my carpet. 0.99
01:55:15.000 It was fucking rough, man. 0.96
01:55:17.000 I would go through the house, and I would find fleas on my calves. 0.99
01:55:20.000 Like, in the walk on my carpet from my bed to the bathroom in the hallway, I would have fleas on my legs.
01:55:27.000 When I lived with my parents in New Jersey at 21 Jackson Street, we were cat people. 1.00
01:55:31.000 Are you trying to out-flee me, motherfucker? 1.00
01:55:33.000 I am. 1.00
01:55:33.000 Here it comes. 1.00
01:55:33.000 Watch this. 1.00
01:55:34.000 I am about to pull out my flea dick and throw it on the table against your own flea dick. 1.00
01:55:40.000 We had cats, and the cats, a lot of them were outside cats, so they would come in with fleas. 1.00
01:55:44.000 We'd never had pets when I was a small child.
01:55:46.000 We didn't start getting cats in our house until I was about 12, 13 or something. 0.97
01:55:49.000 So, my mom, like, having no prior experience with cats and stuff, decided that, like, these flea problems are too much, we have to give the cats baths with, you know, fucking flea shampoo and stuff. 0.96
01:56:01.000 So, you would do that, and cats don't like to be anywhere near water and shit like that. 0.98
01:56:05.000 That's a problem. 0.99
01:56:06.000 Oh my god, it was terrible.
01:56:07.000 You get scratched up?
01:56:08.000 Well, I know because my mother also insisted that I clip the cat's toenails. 0.99
01:56:11.000 At first she wanted them like declawed and I was like, you can't do that, man. 1.00
01:56:14.000 Like cats need their fucking claws and nature and shit. 0.99
01:56:17.000 She's like, well, you have to clip the cat's toenails. 1.00
01:56:19.000 They do that at the vet all the time.
01:56:20.000 So, you know, you take off the hooky point part, man.
01:56:23.000 Right.
01:56:23.000 And then you can bathe.
01:56:24.000 They don't like that. 1.00
01:56:25.000 They don't like it, but they like it better than if you took their fucking claws out altogether and shit. 0.99
01:56:29.000 So I used to bathe the cat, and then when you bathe in the cat with flea shampoo, every fucking flea comes to the surface to try to live. 0.99
01:56:40.000 And so they would fill the fucking sink, like just in the water. 0.97
01:56:44.000 And, you know, they're dying in the water because the shampoo is in the water as well. 0.99
01:56:48.000 But my mom would always take it a step further. 1.00
01:56:50.000 She would give me a set of tweezers and she would be like, get that one. 0.99
01:56:54.000 And I would fucking pull a flea off the cat and you have to press really fucking hard because they're kind of flat to kill them. 0.98
01:57:01.000 Otherwise, they just jump away and then come back to the cat when it's dry. 0.99
01:57:04.000 That was like my...
01:57:06.000 It wasn't a set schedule.
01:57:07.000 Like every Tuesday night, I bathe the cats.
01:57:09.000 But once a week, my mom would be like, you have to bathe the cats. 1.00
01:57:11.000 And that included the de-fleeing.
01:57:14.000 Did you ever get rid of the fleas?
01:57:15.000 Never.
01:57:15.000 Never.
01:57:15.000 You know what got rid of the fleas?
01:57:17.000 There was a storm.
01:57:18.000 The cats died.
01:57:19.000 Yes, eventually.
01:57:20.000 It was the nor'easter of 92 on the East Coast.
01:57:24.000 We had this big storm.
01:57:25.000 It was kind of like Hurricane Sandy, but though not as big.
01:57:29.000 And our town got flooded, including our neighborhood.
01:57:32.000 And we had like 30 outdoor cats that my dad would feed.
01:57:34.000 We were finding those cats for like weeks after the flood.
01:57:37.000 People would be like, we found six of your cats under our house.
01:57:40.000 And we're like, they're not our cats, number one.
01:57:41.000 They were outdoor cats.
01:57:42.000 Alive or drowned?
01:57:43.000 Dead.
01:57:43.000 A lot of these poor cats were on fences.
01:57:46.000 Dead.
01:57:47.000 Dead. 0.93
01:57:48.000 I hit that.
01:57:49.000 That was all maximum impact.
01:57:50.000 Dead.
01:57:51.000 Very theatrical.
01:57:52.000 We found a few holding on to fences to escape the floodwaters. 0.99
01:57:57.000 It was fucking heartbreaking. 0.98
01:57:58.000 Smart ones went up in trees, though, and they stuck around and lived. 0.99
01:58:01.000 But after that flood, no fleas whatsoever.
01:58:04.000 But not nearly as many cats, either.
01:58:06.000 That might have helped.
01:58:06.000 Jesus Christ.
01:58:08.000 Yeah.
01:58:09.000 You ever a cat guy or were you always a dog person?
01:58:11.000 I've always had cats.
01:58:13.000 Yeah, I've always had both.
01:58:15.000 Pretty much.
01:58:16.000 That's why you really don't want to die at the paws of a mountain cat.
01:58:20.000 Well, I just know what they are. 0.96
01:58:22.000 Nasty. 1.00
01:58:23.000 They're fucking super predators. 1.00
01:58:25.000 They catch deer with their face. 1.00
01:58:27.000 They kill deer with their face.
01:58:28.000 They use their face to kill a deer. 0.88
01:58:31.000 They bite it in the neck. 0.51
01:58:33.000 They tackle it and take it down.
01:58:34.000 That's why mountain cats are scary.
01:58:36.000 They're unbelievably powerful.
01:58:38.000 I had this guy Donnie Vincent in here yesterday.
01:58:40.000 He's an outdoor filmmaker.
01:58:41.000 And he was talking about a cat that these guys had hunted and killed that weighed 200 pounds.
01:58:48.000 And it was two years old.
01:58:51.000 Two years old.
01:58:52.000 It weighed 200 pounds.
01:58:53.000 It had been eating so many deer. 0.99
01:58:56.000 That it was just this massive, jacked fucking super predator that's just roaming through the forest. 0.98
01:59:03.000 Ask those guys in Seattle, the one guy that survived, the one guy that died from that attack, the mountain bike attack. 1.00
01:59:10.000 They're fucking terrifying animals. 0.99
01:59:14.000 So do you think they attacked the people just because they were like, we're fucking hungry? 1.00
01:59:17.000 Yes. 0.98
01:59:18.000 He was emaciated.
01:59:20.000 I think that's exact.
01:59:21.000 He tried to eat them.
01:59:22.000 He wanted to eat them.
01:59:23.000 He was starving.
01:59:25.000 And so he knew that they were an organism.
01:59:26.000 They weren't a normal thing on the diet, but it was so risky.
01:59:30.000 It was so rather hungry that it was willing to take those risks.
01:59:34.000 It was willing to go after some people, even though the people were swinging their bike at it and what have you.
01:59:39.000 That was part of the story that got me the most, the bike swinging.
01:59:42.000 Because you're like, that's what I would do.
01:59:43.000 I guess I would swing the bike.
01:59:44.000 And you would think, this bike will save me, but no.
01:59:48.000 It brings it back to my story about the house cat when I threw that blanket on him.
01:59:51.000 Dude, I couldn't believe how strong he was.
01:59:53.000 He was so strong because he was fighting for his life.
01:59:56.000 He thought I was going to kill him. 0.99
01:59:57.000 So when I'm trying to stuff him into this laundry basket, he's going fucking crazy. 0.97
02:00:02.000 And all I was thinking is, what does this cat weigh? 0.95
02:00:05.000 Eight pounds?
02:00:07.000 Like, maybe?
02:00:08.000 Eight pounds? 0.97
02:00:08.000 I'm fucking terrified of them. 0.97
02:00:09.000 All this has to do is catch your jugular, too. 0.99
02:00:12.000 It's a little more complicated than that.
02:00:14.000 Is it?
02:00:14.000 Yeah, it'd be hard.
02:00:15.000 What do you mean?
02:00:15.000 You need to put your hand on it and stop the bleeding.
02:00:17.000 I mean, it's not going to kill you like a lion kills you.
02:00:20.000 What if it got both sets of claws on it? 0.94
02:00:23.000 All four sets of claws onto your jugular. 0.95
02:00:27.000 Shredding it in so many different directions.
02:00:29.000 Really?
02:00:29.000 It's mostly giving you superficial scratches.
02:00:33.000 It's very rare that someone gets killed by a house cat.
02:00:36.000 Here's a situation. 0.99
02:00:38.000 You're fucking a house cat, and it reaches back and claws into your femoral artery. 1.00
02:00:42.000 Well, you should let it go, because you don't want to rape a house cat. 1.00
02:00:44.000 It's clearly not consensual at this point.
02:00:47.000 If you fought to the death with a house cat, I would bet on you.
02:00:51.000 You would win.
02:00:52.000 But it would be ugly.
02:00:53.000 Thanks, man.
02:00:54.000 But the force that you can generate is lethal.
02:00:56.000 The force that it can generate is ferocious, but non-lethal. 0.99
02:01:00.000 Like, if you put me in a room with a cat, I'm coming out of that fucking room 100% of the time. 0.99
02:01:06.000 With a house cat. 1.00
02:01:07.000 It's going to be dead. 1.00
02:01:08.000 I'm going to kill that house cat. 1.00
02:01:09.000 Yeah, but it's going to fuck me up in the process. 1.00
02:01:11.000 You're going to walk away from scars. 0.98
02:01:12.000 I'm going to get scratched up. 0.99
02:01:13.000 I'm going to have bloody hands. 0.99
02:01:14.000 I might get my face clawed up, but I'm going to kill it. 1.00
02:01:19.000 As soon as that thing gets to half my size, I'm dead. 1.00
02:01:22.000 Is that right?
02:01:23.000 Half my size.
02:01:24.000 Yeah.
02:01:24.000 Not even.
02:01:25.000 One quarter of my size.
02:01:26.000 Why?
02:01:26.000 Let's say it's a 50 pound cat.
02:01:29.000 I'm fucked. 1.00
02:01:30.000 Why? 1.00
02:01:30.000 Because it's too powerful. 1.00
02:01:31.000 50 pound cat is like a 150 pound, 200 pound man.
02:01:35.000 Plus they have fangs.
02:01:37.000 They have claws. 0.92
02:01:38.000 It would be much stronger and faster.
02:01:40.000 You wouldn't be able to stop it from biting you and clawing at you.
02:01:43.000 It would be too big. 1.00
02:01:44.000 And if you got to 100 pounds, you're fucking dead. 1.00
02:01:47.000 Dead. 1.00
02:01:47.000 If it gets to 200 pounds, you're super dead. 1.00
02:01:50.000 You're dead quick. 0.94
02:01:51.000 It'll crush your head. 1.00
02:01:52.000 It's going to grab ahold of your neck. 0.52
02:01:54.000 It's going to crush your esophagus, crush your windpipe, and it has sensors in its teeth. 0.89
02:02:00.000 Like certain big cats, they can feel where your veins are with their teeth.
02:02:06.000 Their teeth have like a sense of where it can bite into.
02:02:11.000 You know how like...
02:02:12.000 You ever eat something and you feel like a hard piece of something, like maybe you're eating a crab or something like that, a little piece of shell gets in there, or you can kind of move that shell around inside your mouth while you're chewing, and you get the shell over to here.
02:02:25.000 That sense of moving your tongue and knowing what that...
02:02:28.000 That cat has that with a fang and knows how to hit like an antelope's jug or a lion when it bites into something.
02:02:37.000 To take it out quick.
02:02:37.000 It can feel where the blood is.
02:02:39.000 It feels where the veins are.
02:02:41.000 And then you just...
02:02:42.000 But it doesn't want the blood, right?
02:02:43.000 It's just like, I know that if I break this thing, this thing will stop moving and I can eat it.
02:02:48.000 It's mostly cut off the air.
02:02:50.000 If you see mostly what they do, mostly what they do is crush the neck.
02:02:54.000 It's more that than it is like cut you like a knife would cut your jugular.
02:02:58.000 It's mostly crushing everything. 0.67
02:03:00.000 If you have the presence of mind, like let's say this thing is crushing your windpipe, can you reach up and choke a cat to death?
02:03:06.000 I don't think so.
02:03:07.000 Why?
02:03:08.000 Because I think they're too strong.
02:03:09.000 What do you mean strong?
02:03:10.000 They're too strong.
02:03:11.000 So would it be swatting at you or something?
02:03:13.000 Or it would be too much muscle around its neck?
02:03:16.000 Too much muscle, both.
02:03:17.000 What if you put your fingers in its eyes?
02:03:18.000 That would be one of the only things that I could think might have an effect, but it would probably just rip your fingers off so quickly.
02:03:23.000 I have a second one.
02:03:23.000 I have a second one.
02:03:24.000 You jam your finger up the cat's ass. 1.00
02:03:26.000 Instantly, it stops what it's thinking about. 0.99
02:03:28.000 How are you going to get way back there, son?
02:03:29.000 How are you going to get way back to those things fighting your face off? 0.99
02:03:31.000 That's what I do with my last few fucking breaths, dude. 0.99
02:03:35.000 No way. 1.00
02:03:35.000 A few feet left or right and you'd be unsuccessful. 1.00
02:03:36.000 The same way that little kitten was attacking you is like, I'm going to fuck you up. 1.00
02:03:40.000 I would leave this life in the mouth of a big cat with my fingers up its ass. 1.00
02:03:44.000 It would know that I was there before I left this fucking world. 1.00
02:03:48.000 Because if you stick your finger up a dog's ass, it breaks its concentration. 1.00
02:03:51.000 No, it doesn't. 1.00
02:03:52.000 No?
02:03:52.000 No.
02:03:52.000 That's an old wives tale?
02:03:53.000 No.
02:03:54.000 You ever see two pit bulls fighting each other? 1.00
02:03:55.000 Stick your finger up their ass. 1.00
02:03:56.000 Watch what happens. 1.00
02:03:57.000 You're holding your finger in the ass when the dog is biting another dog. 1.00
02:04:01.000 That's what's happening. 1.00
02:04:02.000 Nothing. 0.99
02:04:02.000 They don't do shit. 0.99
02:04:03.000 They keep biting each other. 1.00
02:04:04.000 No. 1.00
02:04:04.000 I've always read that if you stick your finger up a dog's ass, it'll instantly stop what it's doing. 1.00
02:04:08.000 If you've got a bitch-ass dog that doesn't have focus and drive... 1.00
02:04:13.000 It ain't the dog. 1.00
02:04:14.000 It's you.
02:04:15.000 There are certain dogs that are going to hang on.
02:04:18.000 They're just going to hang on. 0.99
02:04:20.000 So if people have the presence of mind to be like, I know your fingers in my ass, but biting this other dog is the most important thing in the world. 0.99
02:04:25.000 They're driven. 1.00
02:04:26.000 Because you want to pet it, not me.
02:04:28.000 Yeah, they're very driven. 0.96
02:04:28.000 Your cat may want to kill you, study says. 0.96
02:04:32.000 I fucking buy that in a heartbeat. 1.00
02:04:34.000 I believe that. 1.00
02:04:34.000 Look, they would absolutely kill you if you were big enough, or if they were big enough, rather. 1.00
02:04:38.000 Look at the photo they choose to use. 0.99
02:04:39.000 They 100% would kill you if they could.
02:04:41.000 That's the joker of cats. 0.90
02:04:42.000 What, the cat?
02:04:43.000 Yeah, if you were the size of the cat and the cat was the size of you, you'd be dead.
02:04:47.000 A house cat?
02:04:48.000 Yeah, 100%.
02:04:49.000 What if you were its friend from the beginning?
02:04:51.000 They don't have friends like that.
02:04:52.000 I have a joke in my act about how you could have a dog and have a pet hamster, and that hamster could live a long and healthy life in the same house, running around.
02:05:02.000 If you've got a good dog and you train that dog, if you've got a cat that lives in a house with a hamster, the hamster has an hour to live.
02:05:10.000 If it's lucky.
02:05:11.000 There's no such thing as a cat that also has a pet hamster.
02:05:14.000 That's a dead animal next to that cat.
02:05:16.000 They kill everything.
02:05:17.000 Everything they can. 1.00
02:05:19.000 Canaries, lizards, whatever the fuck you leave around that they can kill, that's what they like to do. 1.00
02:05:24.000 They like to kill shit. 1.00
02:05:24.000 Why do we have this relationship with them then? 1.00
02:05:26.000 Because they are small and like, you can't kill me. 1.00
02:05:28.000 We're the bitches to the cats. 1.00
02:05:30.000 We feed them. 0.99
02:05:31.000 We give them free massages.
02:05:32.000 They don't do anything for us.
02:05:33.000 All they do is curl up to you and go, I want you to touch me.
02:05:36.000 And you go, I love you too.
02:05:38.000 He didn't say he loves you. 0.99
02:05:39.000 If you die, the first thing that happens to you when you die is the cats eat your face.
02:05:43.000 Is that true?
02:05:43.000 Yeah, they get hungry.
02:05:44.000 They start eating your lips.
02:05:45.000 If they can't get to anything else.
02:05:46.000 Yeah.
02:05:46.000 People that find dead bodies.
02:05:48.000 What does it say?
02:05:48.000 Woman nearly killed by stray cat left covered in blood because cats are mean at all.
02:05:54.000 That's an honest headline.
02:05:55.000 Wait a second.
02:05:56.000 Wait, go back to what we said before we read that.
02:06:00.000 Which part?
02:06:01.000 I don't know.
02:06:01.000 The thing you just said.
02:06:02.000 It was shocking.
02:06:03.000 Sorry, I distracted.
02:06:04.000 Yeah, you totally took my head out the game, but it was about the... 0.99
02:06:08.000 Fuck, it was just about the... 1.00
02:06:09.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:06:10.000 Dogs.
02:06:11.000 The cat...
02:06:11.000 Oh, if the cat was as big as me, the cat would kill me.
02:06:13.000 Oh, yeah, 100%.
02:06:14.000 Yeah, if a cat was like...
02:06:15.000 But what about a dog?
02:06:16.000 If a dog was as big as me...
02:06:18.000 No, dogs can be giant and still be your friend.
02:06:20.000 That's why a woman could be like 90 pounds and have a 200-pound mastiff, and that dog would totally listen to her. 1.00
02:06:25.000 She raised that dog from the time it was a puppy, and, you know...
02:06:28.000 She can ride it like Khaleesi rides a dragon. 0.99
02:06:30.000 She probably could if she wanted to.
02:06:31.000 Totally.
02:06:31.000 Totally.
02:06:32.000 But that dog will listen to her. 0.99
02:06:33.000 If you have a cat that big, like, you better hope that that cat just decides to not kill you.
02:06:39.000 Because one day it might just get bored.
02:06:40.000 And they're not planning ahead.
02:06:42.000 You know, they're not investment bankers.
02:06:44.000 They just don't like the way you're moving one day. 1.00
02:06:46.000 Just jump on you and just fuck you up and kill you. 1.00
02:06:48.000 It's true. 1.00
02:06:49.000 I've been, like, hit by cats.
02:06:51.000 Like, not, like, in the face.
02:06:52.000 But, like, you're sitting there and all of a sudden they're like...
02:06:54.000 Yeah, they swat you.
02:06:56.000 So if that cat was eight times its size...
02:06:58.000 Did you see that video of the guy who was a long-time animal trainer?
02:07:02.000 He trained lions, and he trained this lion for like 10 years, and he's in the pen with the thing, and the thing just looked at him funny, and the guy starts backing up. 0.97
02:07:10.000 It's like, oh no, and he runs, and this lion just chases after this motherfucker, grabs him by the head, and drags him around. 0.98
02:07:17.000 And apparently he survived. 0.99
02:07:19.000 The lion let him go and somehow or another they got the lion away from him and got the guy to a hospital.
02:07:23.000 But he was an older guy.
02:07:24.000 I want to say he was like deep into his 60s. 1.00
02:07:26.000 And this lion was dragging him around by his fucking head. 1.00
02:07:29.000 And this is a lion that he had trained. 1.00
02:07:31.000 Isn't that what happened?
02:07:32.000 What's her name?
02:07:33.000 Melanie Griffith?
02:07:34.000 Like her mom, Tippi Hendren, was into wild animals.
02:07:38.000 Lions, yeah.
02:07:39.000 And I think Melanie Griffith got... 0.95
02:07:42.000 She bit or scratched as a child.
02:07:44.000 Oh, did she really?
02:07:45.000 Yeah, in her early teens or something like that.
02:07:47.000 Oh, that's terrifying.
02:07:47.000 She had to have, you know, facial reconstructive surgery.
02:07:50.000 No, really?
02:07:50.000 I believe so.
02:07:51.000 Whoa, I never heard that.
02:07:53.000 There's a movie that they shot.
02:07:54.000 I knew that she lived with them.
02:07:54.000 I forget the name of the movie, but they shot, like, the movie of them interacting with the documentary about them living with big cats.
02:08:01.000 Yeah, when you watch the video online, it doesn't even look real.
02:08:04.000 You're like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
02:08:05.000 Is that real? 0.99
02:08:05.000 That's really Melanie Griffin with lions and tigers and shit? 0.99
02:08:08.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:08:08.000 How many different cats did they have? 0.99
02:08:13.000 There was a lot, right?
02:08:14.000 I want to say there was five.
02:08:16.000 That's the kind of thing you just ask people.
02:08:17.000 How many cats?
02:08:18.000 How many big cats?
02:08:18.000 You can ask Jamie.
02:08:21.000 Jamie's a wizard with that Google.
02:08:23.000 Pull it up so we can see the photos.
02:08:25.000 It's so preposterous.
02:08:27.000 Look at that.
02:08:27.000 That's crazy.
02:08:28.000 That's crazy.
02:08:29.000 It's crazy.
02:08:30.000 But look how fun that looks.
02:08:32.000 Shouldn't that be the way life is? 1.00
02:08:33.000 Can you imagine if you were a burglar and you broke into that fucking house? 1.00
02:08:37.000 Holy shit, what a mistake. 1.00
02:08:39.000 Imagine you break into a house and you see a 600-pound African male lion just looking at you with that gigantic head of death. 1.00
02:08:47.000 Fuck, man. 1.00
02:08:48.000 The bizarre tale of Melanie Griffith and her pet lion. 1.00
02:08:52.000 Do they talk about the attack?
02:08:54.000 That's what I was looking for.
02:08:57.000 But look at her spitting water into the big cat's mouth. 1.00
02:08:59.000 It says no one in the family was ever injured by the lion.
02:09:01.000 No one?
02:09:02.000 Well, by that lion.
02:09:03.000 By that one, yeah.
02:09:04.000 By Neil. 0.96
02:09:06.000 But Neil certainly could have killed any of them at a moment's notice.
02:09:08.000 At one point, he did attack Ron Oxley, his owner, during a dinner party at his home. 1.00
02:09:13.000 Fuck all of that. 0.99
02:09:15.000 After Neil, the family went on to adopt numerous big cats, which resulted in a series of serious injuries. 1.00
02:09:21.000 Now 57 years old, Melanie has learned from the experience and runs a sanctuary.
02:09:27.000 She runs a sanctuary for 32 big cats.
02:09:30.000 Oh my god, look at that thing on the desk.
02:09:32.000 That is so insane. 1.00
02:09:34.000 First of all, doesn't that thing need exercise just to keep it shit together? 1.00
02:09:38.000 Look at the size of that fucker. 1.00
02:09:39.000 How much do you think you gotta feed that guy? 1.00
02:09:41.000 A lot, dude.
02:09:42.000 And only meat.
02:09:43.000 They're obligate carnivores.
02:09:46.000 They're not like a dog.
02:09:48.000 Look at how tall he is in the fridge.
02:09:50.000 It's a huge animal, man.
02:09:51.000 That's the point where I'm like, I'm not working here anymore.
02:09:53.000 It's just laying around their house. 0.99
02:09:55.000 Look at the fucking muscles in that thing. 1.00
02:09:57.000 And do you think they're like cats? 1.00
02:10:00.000 Will they only shit where they're supposed to shit? 1.00
02:10:02.000 They shit wherever they want. 1.00
02:10:04.000 The thing about the size of this cat, I mean, it's so big. 1.00
02:10:10.000 It must be a thrill to be around something that could just kill you at any moment.
02:10:16.000 And apparently lions in particular are pretty cool with people.
02:10:20.000 Yeah, that's nuts.
02:10:21.000 They're playing.
02:10:22.000 The lion has her by the leg.
02:10:23.000 She's jumping into the pool and it's fake biting her. 1.00
02:10:26.000 Fuck all of that. 1.00
02:10:28.000 Fuck everything about that picture. 1.00
02:10:30.000 Put that on a t-shirt with those words. 1.00
02:10:32.000 Look at her right there. 1.00
02:10:33.000 Look at her.
02:10:33.000 They were friends, dude.
02:10:34.000 They were buddies.
02:10:35.000 Look how young she looked.
02:10:36.000 She's a kid.
02:10:37.000 She's in her teens at this point.
02:10:39.000 She has a giant lion in her yard.
02:10:43.000 They're cooler with people, apparently, than tigers.
02:10:46.000 Tigers are a little sketchier.
02:10:48.000 Tigers are a little sketchier.
02:10:49.000 So you'd have an easier time owning a lion.
02:10:53.000 Than you would, I tell you.
02:10:54.000 I'm talking way out of school.
02:10:56.000 But what I believe is the case is that male lions are mostly there to protect the pride.
02:11:03.000 They're mostly there to...
02:11:04.000 Yeah, they're not the hunters, right?
02:11:05.000 Right.
02:11:06.000 They're the bigger ones.
02:11:06.000 The females do all the hunting.
02:11:08.000 Look at the size of that female! 1.00
02:11:10.000 Oh my god!
02:11:12.000 What's going on there?
02:11:13.000 It's attacking her in the movie?
02:11:14.000 It's in the movie, yeah.
02:11:15.000 Watch this close call below.
02:11:21.000 So it's biting her?
02:11:22.000 I mean, it's got her mouth around the ribs. 1.00
02:11:24.000 Is it actually hurting her?
02:11:26.000 She doesn't look happy.
02:11:29.000 I'm not showing it online.
02:11:30.000 Whoa, this is crazy. 0.99
02:11:32.000 Alright, this is fucked up. 0.99
02:11:33.000 So this was in the movie, they were freaking out that the lion was biting somebody? 0.99
02:11:37.000 Yeah, it says the father refused to yell cut.
02:11:39.000 Oh my god.
02:11:40.000 This is real?
02:11:41.000 Yeah.
02:11:42.000 Oh my god.
02:11:43.000 No blood was drawn and the lion grabbed her hair and pulled her back. 1.00
02:11:46.000 So the lion was just fucking with her. 0.99
02:11:48.000 But it's dangerous. 0.99
02:11:50.000 She was once clawed to the face during the filming that required reconstructive surgery.
02:11:54.000 That's the story that I'd heard.
02:11:55.000 She was clawed to the face. 1.00
02:11:56.000 Fuck, they're so irresponsible. 1.00
02:11:59.000 And, you know, there's several lions in this house. 1.00
02:12:02.000 It's not just one.
02:12:03.000 In their house. 1.00
02:12:04.000 Yeah, the lions are just running shit. 1.00
02:12:06.000 And I think they picked them. 1.00
02:12:07.000 They were lions that came from, like, surfaces and shit. 0.98
02:12:10.000 Yeah, they spent $17 million on the movie and it brought back two. 0.99
02:12:14.000 I'm Roar?
02:12:15.000 Yeah.
02:12:15.000 This podcast, get ready for another 50 bucks.
02:12:19.000 And that's 17, how much?
02:12:21.000 1971. 17 million dollars in 1971?
02:12:26.000 Yeah.
02:12:26.000 This is a nice way to launder cocaine money, son.
02:12:28.000 That's what's going on there.
02:12:29.000 What is that today?
02:12:30.000 Like 80 million dollars?
02:12:31.000 That's a billion trillion dollars.
02:12:34.000 What I was saying was I think what happens is that lions, the male lions, don't hunt.
02:12:39.000 They usually just eat the kill.
02:12:41.000 The female lions hunt.
02:12:43.000 They're doing all the hunting.
02:12:44.000 But with tigers, the male lions hunt.
02:12:46.000 They all hunt.
02:12:47.000 And they don't operate in packs.
02:12:50.000 They're independent, the rogue?
02:12:51.000 Yeah, they don't operate the same way lions do.
02:12:55.000 They don't have a pride.
02:12:56.000 I think tigers are pretty much on their own.
02:12:59.000 I think the females take care of the cubs as long as they can, but I don't think they have these big... 1.00
02:13:04.000 I could be wrong.
02:13:05.000 Fine enough, I'm wrong.
02:13:06.000 But I don't think tigers operate in that kind of a group.
02:13:12.000 In a world where I've got a miniature doction, that means that somebody genetically made that dog smaller, right?
02:13:18.000 Well, when you say genetically, they're not doing it through a laboratory.
02:13:22.000 They're doing it through selective breeding, and it's remarkably effective.
02:13:26.000 Can you do that?
02:13:26.000 I just needed that to get to this point.
02:13:28.000 Can you do that with a tiger, a baby tiger?
02:13:30.000 Yes.
02:13:31.000 That's what happened.
02:13:32.000 All house cats have come from some kind of wild cat that we turned into a domestic cat.
02:13:39.000 And there's a bunch of different varieties of cats, right?
02:13:42.000 The difference between cats and dogs is that all dogs come from wolves.
02:13:47.000 All of them.
02:13:48.000 Every one of them.
02:13:48.000 Every dog.
02:13:49.000 Every dog started as a wolf.
02:13:51.000 Tigers do not live in permanent groups like lions do.
02:13:53.000 For the most part, they live solitary lives except when females are raising cubs.
02:13:56.000 Although rarely seen, the term for a group of tigers is a streak.
02:14:01.000 Ooh, that's a dope word. 0.90
02:14:02.000 That is.
02:14:02.000 A streak of tigers, a murder of crows.
02:14:04.000 That's pretty hot.
02:14:05.000 That's dope. 0.93
02:14:08.000 My mom used to call me tiger when I was a kid.
02:14:10.000 Now I can tell her, Mom, if there was another one, we'd be a streak of tigers. 0.97
02:14:13.000 Tigers fuck things up, man. 1.00
02:14:15.000 They all fuck things up. 1.00
02:14:16.000 All the males hunt. 1.00
02:14:17.000 And they're a fast fucking animal, man. 0.99
02:14:21.000 Oh, what is this guy? 1.00
02:14:22.000 It's on YouTube. 0.99
02:14:23.000 He got fucked up? 0.99
02:14:24.000 This is also Roar. 1.00
02:14:26.000 This is Roar.
02:14:26.000 This is the whole movie.
02:14:27.000 It's on YouTube, if you like.
02:14:28.000 Oh.
02:14:29.000 I just randomly clicked to a spot where they happened to be attacking him.
02:14:31.000 And the movie is about...
02:14:33.000 How they have these big lines... 0.99
02:14:35.000 What the fuck? 1.00
02:14:36.000 This seems like an insane movie. 1.00
02:14:37.000 It's called The Most Dangerous Movie Ever Made. 1.00
02:14:39.000 Oh my god, this guy's an idiot. 1.00
02:14:40.000 And when they said the father didn't yell cut, that was Melanie Griffith's dad was directing? 1.00
02:14:46.000 Dude, this is crazy. 0.99
02:14:47.000 These lions are fighting for dominance and this guy is running around in between them while they're filming a shitty movie. 0.99
02:14:54.000 It's so crazy. 1.00
02:14:57.000 It's like, fuck you, bitch. 1.00
02:14:58.000 Stay out of my business. 1.00
02:14:59.000 Stay out of my business.
02:15:00.000 The lion just wanted him to know that that little tree branch was not going to stop him. 1.00
02:15:04.000 Jesus Christ, this is so stupid. 1.00
02:15:06.000 What's with the fucking blood? 1.00
02:15:07.000 Because they're cutting each other up, man. 1.00
02:15:09.000 They're biting each other and fucking each other up. 1.00
02:15:12.000 It's what they do, man. 1.00
02:15:14.000 And this was a movie that was meant to show how... 1.00
02:15:17.000 Stupid the guy made the movie is. 1.00
02:15:20.000 What does it say? 1.00
02:15:20.000 Roar is a 1981 American adventure exploitation film written and directed by Noel Marshall, produced and starring Marshall and his then-wife Tippi Hendren, co-starring Hendren's real-life daughter Melanie Griffith and Marshall's real-life sons John and Jerry. 1.00
02:15:33.000 Oh, they were a Brady Bunch type family.
02:15:35.000 The film follows a family who are attacked by a range of ravening jungle animals at the secluded home of their keeper.
02:15:43.000 I always thought this was a documentary. 0.98
02:15:44.000 They were literally making a movie with fucking real lions about how lions were attacking people. 0.99
02:16:03.000 Wow. 0.98
02:16:18.000 Okay, we need to do a fight companion. 0.91
02:16:21.000 They had tigers as well?
02:16:23.000 Oh my god, they had leopards or jaguars.
02:16:27.000 Were those jaguars or leopards?
02:16:28.000 Do you know the difference?
02:16:29.000 Dude, look at the tiger.
02:16:29.000 I know one lives in a different part of the world.
02:16:31.000 He just jumped in the boat.
02:16:33.000 Yeah, congratulations. 1.00
02:16:34.000 They hit him in the fucking face. 1.00
02:16:36.000 Well, they have to, I think. 1.00
02:16:38.000 You have to get it to think who's boss.
02:16:40.000 Is that a panther?
02:16:41.000 Of course it is. 1.00
02:16:42.000 Fuck all this. 1.00
02:16:43.000 What are these people doing? 1.00
02:16:45.000 You're in a boat with a tiger and now the boat's sinking, you fuck. 1.00
02:16:48.000 You fuckity fuck. 1.00
02:16:49.000 This is life of pie. 1.00
02:16:51.000 Oh my god, look at that thing.
02:16:52.000 It's so big.
02:16:53.000 Alright, we gotta save it for the companion.
02:16:54.000 Oh, yeah.
02:16:55.000 Jesus.
02:16:56.000 So what we'll do is, one day we'll do a fight companion.
02:16:59.000 Put that movie on.
02:17:02.000 Save it.
02:17:03.000 This week we're doing Roar.
02:17:05.000 Yeah, we'll do Roar.
02:17:07.000 Can we get in trouble for that?
02:17:08.000 Can we get in trouble for a fight companion for Roar?
02:17:10.000 No, there's people that do things like this.
02:17:11.000 Yeah, no, totally.
02:17:12.000 What is it considered?
02:17:13.000 It's commentary.
02:17:14.000 You're reviewing it.
02:17:15.000 That needs to be seen.
02:17:16.000 That needs to be heard.
02:17:17.000 I'm completely educated.
02:17:19.000 I thought it was a documentary.
02:17:20.000 Me too.
02:17:20.000 But they were trying to make a narrative, a fiction narrative.
02:17:23.000 I didn't even know there was a documentary.
02:17:24.000 I just knew that she had lived with lions and I'd seen it in a magazine article or something.
02:17:28.000 And that's not even her real dad.
02:17:30.000 That's her stepdad. 1.00
02:17:30.000 Her stepdad was fucking crazy. 1.00
02:17:33.000 Could you imagine your stepdad? 1.00
02:17:34.000 Don't show me anything, Jamie!
02:17:35.000 Don't you do this!
02:17:36.000 Don't you put that evil on me, Jamie!
02:17:38.000 Oh my god, more of the movie.
02:17:41.000 Look at all the cats in the room with her.
02:17:43.000 I don't know how many. 1.00
02:17:45.000 Dude, fuck all that! 1.00
02:17:48.000 Fuck all that! 1.00
02:17:49.000 People are crazy! 1.00
02:17:50.000 And I'm sure the cats are confused as fuck by the rolling cameras as well. 1.00
02:17:54.000 Being like, what is this all about? 0.99
02:17:56.000 Yeah, they're horrible.
02:17:58.000 I mean, that's the cleanup crew for the world. 0.68
02:18:01.000 That's what cats are. 0.99
02:18:02.000 They're out there taking out as many of those fucking zebras or water buffalo or whatever they can. 0.99
02:18:07.000 And so that's what they want to do all the time. 0.99
02:18:10.000 And if you're just feeding them and then you just have them in a yard, they don't even do anything, you've got to exercise the fuck out of those girls to keep them from just that kill lust that's in their body. 1.00
02:18:22.000 It's evolved over millions of years to get to this point where they're this enormous, hulking, supernaturally powerful animal that kills things with its face. 0.99
02:18:32.000 And you just take that away from them.
02:18:34.000 It's, no, you're going to be in the pool with us.
02:18:36.000 You're going to be in our movie.
02:18:39.000 We're going to start off in this boat.
02:18:41.000 Come on, hop in the boat.
02:18:42.000 Now pretend to fight.
02:18:43.000 And they're like, what?
02:18:43.000 Pretend?
02:18:44.000 And this cat is like, when the fuck do the antelope show up so I can start jacking fools? 1.00
02:18:49.000 Would you... 1.00
02:18:52.000 Would you agree that since you do more outdoorsy activity than me, i.e.
02:18:56.000 running, i.e.
02:18:57.000 you've gone hunting and stuff like that, your chances of being eaten alive are far greater than mine?
02:19:03.000 Oh, yeah.
02:19:04.000 100%.
02:19:05.000 I mean, it's like surfers.
02:19:07.000 I'm in a 0% chance in most of my life of getting eaten by a shark.
02:19:12.000 But I have friends who are surfers who surf all the time, and they fucking love it, and they're willing to roll that dice because they like surfing that much.
02:19:18.000 And I'm like, you know, you can't get bit by a shark if you don't go in the ocean.
02:19:22.000 Yeah.
02:19:22.000 And they're like, it's worth it.
02:19:23.000 We've got the shark thing figured out and defeated.
02:19:25.000 Just don't go in the ocean.
02:19:26.000 They say it's worth it.
02:19:28.000 I gotta tell you, man, there's a bunch of bad ways to die, but I always felt like the...
02:19:34.000 The most indignity I would ever feel in death was if I was something else's food. 0.98
02:19:40.000 It's one thing if I'm like, my body goes into the earth and fucking the worms and the grass and shit like that. 0.99
02:19:45.000 But to be someone's fucking meal is so... 0.99
02:19:49.000 It's a temporary... 1.00
02:19:52.000 A permanent solution to a temporary problem.
02:19:54.000 Your life for their meal of the moment. 0.99
02:19:58.000 And they're just going to shit you out in a couple hours. 0.99
02:20:01.000 And that's why I think it's hard for humans to get their head around being eaten by something. 0.98
02:20:04.000 Because they're like, no, I'm too special.
02:20:06.000 And then they're just going to poop me out.
02:20:07.000 But that would be the indignity, man. 1.00
02:20:09.000 It's like, fuck, they ate me to stay alive, I guess. 0.99
02:20:12.000 But then it's not like I sustained them forever. 1.00
02:20:16.000 Like, I sustained them for a couple fucking hours and they shit me out. 0.99
02:20:18.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:20:20.000 Well, that is how it works, right?
02:20:21.000 Yeah.
02:20:22.000 It's very disturbing seeing images of humans that have been eaten by animals.
02:20:26.000 I've never seen any, and I don't want to see any.
02:20:28.000 You don't want to.
02:20:29.000 I saw this figure starting to move toward a keyboard.
02:20:31.000 I'm like, no, no, no.
02:20:32.000 Classic one of a body that they found that bears had eaten.
02:20:36.000 And?
02:20:37.000 It was horrific.
02:20:38.000 It's just crazy to look at.
02:20:40.000 Does it even look human anymore?
02:20:41.000 I mean, you know what it is because it was still wearing sneakers and it still had like half of its pants on.
02:20:47.000 And it's still like, you know the one?
02:20:49.000 Yeah.
02:20:49.000 You could see the thigh bone.
02:20:51.000 I mean, the meat from the bone had been completely stripped off and it was just nothing but the thigh bone.
02:20:57.000 And it's just horrific.
02:21:00.000 You got to realize like...
02:21:02.000 Those things, man, when they get a hold of you, the amount of power that a bear could generate, especially a grizzly bear.
02:21:10.000 My friend John saw a grizzly bear kill a moose by swatting it.
02:21:15.000 Swatted it with its paw and broke its back. 0.79
02:21:18.000 A moose.
02:21:20.000 I mean...
02:21:20.000 Second deadliest animal on the planet.
02:21:22.000 It is a big...
02:21:23.000 Is it really?
02:21:24.000 Yeah, right after the hippo.
02:21:25.000 Second deadliest?
02:21:25.000 Isn't that crazy?
02:21:26.000 Nobody thinks about it because when you think about the moose, you're like, oh, hey, Rocky, watch people who have it in my head.
02:21:30.000 Is that really true?
02:21:30.000 Hippo is the most dangerous animal to man on the planet.
02:21:33.000 In terms of how many people get killed?
02:21:35.000 Mammal.
02:21:35.000 The second is the moose.
02:21:37.000 Wow.
02:21:38.000 Part of the deer family.
02:21:39.000 That's crazy.
02:21:40.000 They're the only deer, really, that will regularly rush people.
02:21:43.000 You don't want to be anywhere near the moose during the rutting season.
02:21:47.000 There's that, but really more importantly is you don't want to be near a cow when she's got her calves.
02:21:52.000 That's more scary.
02:21:54.000 We've seen video of that online.
02:21:54.000 That's the same thing with grizzlies.
02:21:56.000 Yeah, they say the real fear is not running into a male grizzly.
02:22:00.000 The real fear is running into a female with cubs. 1.00
02:22:03.000 They'll fuck you up. 1.00
02:22:04.000 She's got something to lose. 1.00
02:22:04.000 Well, they don't want you around. 1.00
02:22:06.000 You might be a hunter.
02:22:07.000 Maybe they've seen someone shoot an animal before.
02:22:10.000 Maybe they saw one of their family get shooting.
02:22:12.000 It's like that little cat that's just suddenly like, you're going to kill me, even though you were buddies with it.
02:22:18.000 Cubs. 0.99
02:22:19.000 If it has cubs, man, they're on fucking full red alert all day long because they get eaten all the time. 0.99
02:22:25.000 Their cubs get eaten by other bears. 0.99
02:22:27.000 It's so fucking weird. 0.99
02:22:28.000 It's like an animal has enough sense to be like, something's here. 0.99
02:22:31.000 I'm going to protect my kids.
02:22:32.000 And we just watched footage from a movie where the guy's like, get closer to that lion, honey.
02:22:36.000 Spit water in its mouth.
02:22:38.000 Yeah, because we're soft and we love the thrill of being that close to death in danger.
02:22:43.000 I don't.
02:22:44.000 No, you're a smart man.
02:22:45.000 No, I'm a chicken man.
02:22:46.000 No, you're a wise man.
02:22:48.000 No courage.
02:22:48.000 I just want to extend my lifeline.
02:22:50.000 That is not true.
02:22:51.000 You have courage.
02:22:52.000 You just choose to not put yourself in dangerous situations all the time.
02:22:55.000 You would have never taken this path in life and become this guy if you didn't have any courage.
02:22:59.000 You absolutely have courage.
02:23:01.000 But you're just smart enough to know that you're not like a physical person.
02:23:04.000 You don't want to do those things. 1.00
02:23:06.000 You definitely don't want to be around some fucking giant ass cat that can kill you. 1.00
02:23:10.000 It's not a matter of being a coward. 1.00
02:23:12.000 It's a matter of being smart.
02:23:13.000 It's true.
02:23:14.000 But if everything...
02:23:15.000 That's a matter of being smart now. 0.96
02:23:17.000 But if everything collapses and shit like that, then I got no livable skills. 0.97
02:23:21.000 Nah, no one does. 1.00
02:23:21.000 You're ready to fucking take to the hills with a fucking bow and defend yours. 1.00
02:23:25.000 Just like you are. 1.00
02:23:26.000 How many arrows do I have?
02:23:28.000 How long can I live with these arrows?
02:23:31.000 What happens if I break one?
02:23:32.000 Then I'm down to 20 arrows?
02:23:34.000 How long can I live with 20 arrows?
02:23:36.000 How many things am I going to miss?
02:23:37.000 How many broadheads do I have?
02:23:39.000 I'm going to have to break into a Cabela's, steal a bunch of arrow shafts, figure out if they've got a gluing machine.
02:23:43.000 I've got to learn how to restring a bow.
02:23:46.000 What if one of the risers snaps?
02:23:47.000 I've got to get some spare bows somehow and have them laying around.
02:23:51.000 I'm not doing well, man.
02:23:52.000 I'm going to be real skinny.
02:23:53.000 I'm going to miss a lot.
02:23:54.000 I'm not going to get enough food.
02:23:55.000 But you know what's going to happen?
02:23:56.000 You're going to be like, at least I didn't die years ago like Kev.
02:23:59.000 Oh.
02:24:00.000 Because he had no bow skills whatsoever.
02:24:02.000 But do you want to be one of the people that restart civilization? 1.00
02:24:05.000 Fuck no. 1.00
02:24:06.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:24:06.000 No. 1.00
02:24:07.000 Do you know there's civilization? 0.99
02:24:07.000 Because then you get blamed when everyone's like, this sucks. 0.99
02:24:10.000 It's your fault. 0.97
02:24:11.000 You restarted civilization like I tried.
02:24:13.000 What's going on right now in Hawaii is fairly minor.
02:24:16.000 What is it?
02:24:16.000 In terms of vocation.
02:24:36.000 The volcanic activity, yeah.
02:24:37.000 Somewhere, it was maybe a couple thousand, 70,000 years ago.
02:24:40.000 Is that where I'm getting the seven from?
02:24:42.000 But it was a super volcano that the human population killed everyone except for a few thousand people.
02:24:50.000 And this was somewhere around, I think it was 60, 70,000 years ago.
02:24:55.000 What does it say?
02:24:56.000 A Pompeii-like event?
02:24:58.000 70,000, roughly 1,000 reproductive people were left.
02:25:01.000 1,000 people left 70,000 years ago.
02:25:04.000 1,000.
02:25:05.000 That was the last of the humans, and they repopulated from that number to us.
02:25:09.000 One says it was as low as 40. 40 people.
02:25:12.000 Maybe.
02:25:13.000 So it's just a rough estimate.
02:25:14.000 This is biblical.
02:25:15.000 Where are they getting this information?
02:25:16.000 Well, listen, man.
02:25:17.000 If Yellowstone blows, we're dealing with the exact same situation again.
02:25:20.000 Most of North America is dead.
02:25:22.000 Explain.
02:25:23.000 What?
02:25:24.000 Yellowstone is a super volcano.
02:25:26.000 Wow.
02:25:26.000 Might have hit as low as what?
02:25:28.000 What happened here?
02:25:29.000 You went to a JFK thing.
02:25:31.000 I don't know what that is.
02:25:33.000 Conspiracies.
02:25:33.000 Breeding pairs of people.
02:25:34.000 Well, we've whacked so we can win.
02:25:36.000 Let's hope we wane gently because once in our history the worldwide population of human beings skidded so sharply we were down to roughly a thousand reproductive adults.
02:25:44.000 One study says we hit as low as 40. 40?
02:25:47.000 Come on, I can't be right.
02:25:48.000 Well, the technical term is 40 breeding pairs, children not included.
02:25:52.000 More likely there was a drastic dip and then 5,000 to 10,000 bedraggled homo sapiens struggled together in pitiful little clumps hunting and gathering for thousands of years Until in the late Stone Age, we humans began to recover. 0.86
02:26:05.000 But for a time there, says science writer Sam Keen, we damn near went extinct.
02:26:10.000 And that was because of a volcano?
02:26:11.000 That's amazing.
02:26:12.000 What is it?
02:26:12.000 What killed?
02:26:13.000 Lava?
02:26:14.000 The ash?
02:26:14.000 Blocks the sun?
02:26:15.000 Blocks the sun.
02:26:16.000 Everybody runs out of food.
02:26:18.000 Everything goes extinct.
02:26:19.000 It's the Matrix. 0.98
02:26:19.000 Yeah, it gets really fucking cold. 0.98
02:26:21.000 Oh my God, look at that very scientific drawing. 0.96
02:26:23.000 So look at the difference in Mount St. Helens, a little fart, Vesuvius, 79...
02:26:28.000 So the Toba supervolcano is the one that happened 70,000 years ago?
02:26:33.000 Yeah.
02:26:34.000 So that was a massive...
02:26:35.000 I was around from Mount St. Helens.
02:26:36.000 Do you remember that?
02:26:37.000 Massive, super...
02:26:37.000 Yeah, I remember that.
02:26:38.000 Capturing my imagination as a kid. 0.99
02:26:40.000 I was like, we got volcanoes on this bitch? 1.00
02:26:41.000 Well, Yellowstone is the spooky one because that's a super volcano. 0.99
02:26:45.000 I thought it was just water.
02:26:47.000 No, no.
02:26:49.000 Yellowstone is what they call a caldera volcano.
02:26:51.000 Meanwhile, what it is is it gets to this peak and the eruption is so violent, it flattens out and the mountain disappears and they just left this crater.
02:27:01.000 And so when they were first looking at it, they were trying to figure out what it was.
02:27:03.000 They didn't know if it was an impact crater, where was this crater from?
02:27:07.000 And then they started using satellite imagery, I want to say like 20 years ago.
02:27:12.000 20 plus years ago they realized that it was a super volcano, an enormous volcano.
02:27:17.000 I think it's something like 600 kilometers across. 0.99
02:27:20.000 And if that fucker blows, like that is a wrap for North America. 0.99
02:27:25.000 That's a wrap. 1.00
02:27:26.000 And it blows every six to eight hundred thousand years.
02:27:30.000 And the last time it blew was six hundred thousand years ago. 0.96
02:27:34.000 So we could be on the verge of the worst blowjob in history?
02:27:38.000 Within the next 200,000 years, it's likely, if the history repeats itself again, that we get some sort of unbelievably violent event that comes out of Yellowstone that literally brings humanity to its knees.
02:27:51.000 So all of our problems with overpopulation, destroying the environment, crime and war and corruption, they will seem like nothing.
02:28:00.000 Okay. 0.97
02:28:01.000 Because there will be no fucking sun getting in. 0.99
02:28:04.000 There will be nuclear winter, plants dying, people dying. 0.99
02:28:07.000 This ain't even the Thanos snap and half the people disappear.
02:28:10.000 This is like, these are the end times.
02:28:12.000 The sky is black as ash cloud.
02:28:14.000 It's 100% possible that something like that, especially if there's more than one of them went off.
02:28:18.000 Like, say Yellowstone goes off, and then say one goes off somewhere else in the world.
02:28:22.000 I think, isn't there like seven or eight super volcanoes?
02:28:25.000 There's seven or eight of them, I want to say worldwide.
02:28:27.000 And if two went off at once, it could split the Earth?
02:28:29.000 I think it would just cover the earth with ash.
02:28:31.000 The problem is the ash, the ejections and all that stuff just blocks out the sun.
02:28:36.000 And it lingers for years.
02:28:38.000 Three of them are in the western part of the United States.
02:28:40.000 What are they?
02:28:42.000 Wait, that's where we are!
02:28:44.000 Three! 1.00
02:28:45.000 Fuck, dude! 1.00
02:28:47.000 What are the other ones? 1.00
02:28:48.000 Long Valley and Valley Grand.
02:28:49.000 What is that?
02:28:50.000 Never heard of those?
02:28:52.000 That one looks super close to us. 0.99
02:28:54.000 Where the fuck is that one? 0.98
02:28:56.000 We're sitting on it right now. 1.00
02:28:58.000 I used to be scared of that shit, and then after the heart attack, now I don't get scared of that some more. 0.99
02:29:05.000 Do you feel different now that you've had a heart attack? 1.00
02:29:07.000 Do you feel like you're a different person?
02:29:08.000 Do you have a second lease on life, as it were?
02:29:10.000 There is, but not in the way you see in movies, where you're like, can you feel a...
02:29:14.000 Is it Mammoth?
02:29:15.000 Mammoth is a super volcano?
02:29:17.000 Long Valley Caldera. 1.00
02:29:18.000 Oh, shut the fuck up! 1.00
02:29:20.000 It's adjacent to Mammoth Mountain. 1.00
02:29:22.000 Time to move.
02:29:22.000 So it could blow?
02:29:23.000 Mammoth could blow?
02:29:25.000 Yeah, but wouldn't you rather be that close to ground zero?
02:29:27.000 Because you don't want to live in the ash-covered sky.
02:29:30.000 Yeah, you want it to be in Glendale.
02:29:32.000 So it just erupts and just kills everybody anywhere near here.
02:29:35.000 We're all taken care of.
02:29:36.000 You don't want to be like a million miles away and watch it from the distance and know that in a month you're going to be starving to death.
02:29:42.000 It's coming soon.
02:29:42.000 Yeah, you're almost better off at happening right underneath you and just sucking you into the lava.
02:29:47.000 Did you ever have a near-death experience?
02:29:50.000 No, not really.
02:29:51.000 No.
02:29:52.000 It's not like it is in the movies where you suddenly... 0.88
02:29:56.000 You're like, no, I see everything fucking more clearly. 0.97
02:29:59.000 It's certainly an organizer where you're like, you know, I guess that shit just doesn't really matter so much anymore. 1.00
02:30:06.000 And periodically you sit there and go like, oh, fuck, I almost died. 0.99
02:30:09.000 So it puts things in a different perspective. 0.99
02:30:11.000 But I saw a lot of folks online going like...
02:30:13.000 I can't wait to see what he makes next, man, because it's going to be so profound, and that's not true.
02:30:18.000 The next thing I'm going to make is Jay and Silent Bob reboot.
02:30:20.000 There's nothing profound about it and stuff.
02:30:22.000 But I figured, because I started thinking about that, why? 0.98
02:30:26.000 And I think it's because I've just always, at least for the last 20 years, 25 of my career, Just conducted myself in a way like live a fucking bucket list life. 0.89
02:30:37.000 I just do the things I want to do. 0.87
02:30:39.000 Exactly.
02:30:39.000 That's why I hate you saying that you don't have any courage.
02:30:41.000 But that doesn't take courage.
02:30:43.000 That's self-centered.
02:30:44.000 No, it's self-centered.
02:30:45.000 Courage is like, I don't know how this is going to work out.
02:30:49.000 And also courage comes from a place that's not about you, I think. 0.97
02:30:53.000 For me, I just want to do shit that seems interesting. 0.96
02:30:56.000 That seems fun to me. 0.99
02:30:57.000 And you have the confidence to pursue that. 0.99
02:30:58.000 Listen, dude, if the shit went down, I could teach you how to use a bow and arrow, and you'd figure it out. 0.99
02:31:03.000 You'd eventually rise, just like you're losing all this weight and readjusting your life. 0.99
02:31:07.000 I don't know, dude.
02:31:08.000 I think if it all went down, they'd be like, eat him first. 0.98
02:31:11.000 And then I'd be so insulted because I'm like, you're just going to shit me out. 0.97
02:31:15.000 I'm good for a podcast or two. 0.98
02:31:17.000 Please don't eat me.
02:31:18.000 So tomorrow I have Robert Schock on the podcast.
02:31:21.000 He's a geologist from Boston University.
02:31:24.000 And he is one of many people that's now pushing this very controversial theory that the Sphinx and many of the other structures in Egypt are far older than people think they are.
02:31:34.000 Not just like a couple thousand years ago, but maybe even 10,000 years ago, maybe even more.
02:31:39.000 And he bases it on water erosion marks in the Temple of the Sphinx.
02:31:43.000 Like where the Sphinx was carved out in the Sphinx enclosure, there's all these deep fissures that they thought was sand and gravel and wind.
02:31:50.000 But he has, you know, he studied, he's a geologist, so he studied erosion his whole life.
02:31:56.000 And he looked at it and he's like, this is water erosion from thousands of years of rainfall.
02:32:00.000 And he goes into it in great detail.
02:32:02.000 The last time there was great rainfall in the Nile Valley was 9,000 years ago, which is many thousand years before they think the pyramids were constructed.
02:32:10.000 So it's one of these things like they didn't even know of a civilization from 9,000 years ago that was capable of cutting and moving stone like this.
02:32:17.000 Like this rewrites history to people who are super reluctant. 0.99
02:32:21.000 But the idea that all these people have, these people that are talking about these ancient civilizations, is that humanity rose to a very high level and built some incredible structures and then something like that super volcano or an asteroid impact or an ice age, some gigantic catastrophic event wiped out a shitload of fucking people. 0.98
02:32:41.000 I think?
02:33:00.000 In history, in relationship to the construction of the Sphinx, than we are to the construction of the Great Pyramid.
02:33:07.000 Like, we might have – well, we were talking about if the Great Pyramid was 5,000 years old, right?
02:33:12.000 Yes.
02:33:13.000 It's entirely possible.
02:33:14.000 This is required, right?
02:33:15.000 I have to – It's entirely possible, if the Great Period of Giza, which I think is somewhere around 5,000 years old, if that was 5,000 years old, the Sphinx might be 4,000 or more years older than that.
02:33:29.000 There might be structures that are 10,500, even 30,000 years old, as some people, when they go deep, like a guy named John Anthony West, that was his deep speculation.
02:33:39.000 Based on the way the Sphinx lines up with constellations and the constellation Leo, it does it at like 10,500 years ago, but it also does it at like 30,000 years ago or somewhere in that range, 0.70
02:33:55.000 like really long ago, which people are going, get the fuck out of here. 0.91
02:33:58.000 That's just not possible.
02:34:00.000 And his take was like, we don't know.
02:34:02.000 We're just talking about rocks.
02:34:04.000 We don't know how these rocks got into this shape.
02:34:06.000 This is just, we don't have anything to test.
02:34:09.000 And there's no recorded history.
02:34:10.000 Well, they used to have some, but they've got hieroglyphs, they've got a few things, but they used to have the Library of Alexandria.
02:34:22.000 The Mayans and the Aztecs. 0.73
02:34:22.000 The Mayans and the Aztecs. 0.73
02:34:23.000 Yeah, they built some incredible structures.
02:34:25.000 And they were like really into constellations as well.
02:34:27.000 They lined up a lot of their structures with the constellations.
02:34:30.000 They knew a lot about the summer solstice and they had a really complicated calendar that was like a 13 lunar cycle calendar.
02:34:38.000 You know, there was like the thing where the Mayan calendar was supposed to end December 21st, 2012. A couple years ago, yeah.
02:34:44.000 Dude, I thought it was over.
02:34:45.000 I was telling everybody, we've got a couple more years, bro.
02:34:48.000 Live your life.
02:34:49.000 I really believe that.
02:34:50.000 These cats seemed to know what they were doing.
02:34:51.000 Wait a sec, so go back.
02:34:52.000 So if that turns out to be the case, humanity...
02:34:56.000 Has experienced these great, great, like, high achievements in construction methods and their ability to put together these enormous structures and then cataclysm.
02:35:08.000 I think?
02:35:30.000 Go back 500 years, which is nothing in terms of the history of the planet and nothing in terms of even the history of human beings, relatively.
02:35:38.000 But 500 years, there's nothing here but Native Americans. 0.96
02:35:41.000 There's no structures.
02:35:43.000 There's a few Europeans that have visited.
02:35:44.000 There's a few people that have come over in boats.
02:35:47.000 But there's no buildings in terms of, like, there's no New York City.
02:35:51.000 There's no Chicago.
02:35:52.000 500 years ago, there's nothing.
02:35:54.000 There's none of this.
02:35:55.000 Yeah, go step outside a city, look around, do a 360 and look around and realize how improbable it all is.
02:36:02.000 You go a thousand years before that, same thing.
02:36:04.000 A thousand years before that, same thing.
02:36:06.000 This is empty.
02:36:06.000 This is empty for thousands and thousands of years.
02:36:09.000 Now!
02:36:10.000 250 years later, it's crazy.
02:36:13.000 It's stacked up with buildings and construction methods that we were never capable of 200 years ago, 300 years ago, 500 years ago.
02:36:20.000 We couldn't build these things.
02:36:22.000 We couldn't make airplanes.
02:36:23.000 We didn't have the knowledge yet.
02:36:24.000 We didn't understand it yet.
02:36:25.000 The idea is that people have gone through these great, great heights many times, but they did it in different ways.
02:36:32.000 And that's why, like, when you look at the construction of the Sphinx and the pyramids, nobody builds anything like the pyramids today.
02:36:38.000 2,300,000 stones, some of them cut from a quarry that was hundreds of miles away. 0.80
02:36:44.000 They used to take the fucking rocks and float them down on boats and fit them into places. 0.99
02:36:48.000 It's crazy! 0.99
02:36:50.000 It's the knowledge they must have had.
02:36:52.000 The wisdom, the understanding of construction methods.
02:36:55.000 If you're off just a little bit with each rock, it's not going to meet up at the top of this perfect pyramid shape.
02:37:01.000 It's a marvel of mathematics and engineering and construction.
02:37:05.000 And by everyone's estimate, it's 5,000 something years old or in the range of 4,500 years old, somewhere around there.
02:37:15.000 That's insane!
02:37:16.000 And then homie comes along and says, it may be older than that. 0.99
02:37:19.000 It might be older than that.
02:37:20.000 Well, they don't think the pyramid, I'm pretty sure, and maybe this is controversial as well, but I think it's based on the biological material that they can pull out from in between the cracks and the stones.
02:37:30.000 So of what?
02:37:31.000 People who died?
02:37:32.000 No stuff.
02:37:33.000 You know, like anything physical or anything biological rather, like wood or plant material.
02:37:39.000 Oh, like tree sap that might have went into the building material.
02:37:41.000 Yeah, that's how they carbon date something, apparently.
02:37:43.000 They need carbon.
02:37:44.000 So it's really tough to carbon date like a stone because you don't know what you're dating.
02:37:49.000 Are you dating the age the stone was cut or the stone was created? 0.98
02:37:55.000 Like, what the fuck is that? 0.98
02:37:56.000 Like, if you've got a giant piece of limestone, what are you dating? 0.99
02:38:00.000 Are you dating the actual origin of the limestone?
02:38:02.000 It might be millions of years old.
02:38:03.000 I don't know.
02:38:04.000 Limestone is like, isn't it?
02:38:06.000 I think limestone is seashells that have been ground down and smashed by gravity and layers and layers of earth until they form into a stone.
02:38:18.000 See if I made that up.
02:38:19.000 Might have.
02:38:21.000 It sounded awfully metal. 0.99
02:38:23.000 There's some shit like that, for sure. 0.99
02:38:25.000 Like, I know travertine is that. 0.99
02:38:27.000 Travertine is like old seashells that have been compressed down at the bottom of the ocean forever until they form this hard layer.
02:38:35.000 I'm pretty sure that's true, too. 0.99
02:38:36.000 That might also be bullshit. 1.00
02:38:38.000 Fuck your well-read. 1.00
02:38:39.000 Nope. 1.00
02:38:40.000 Incorrect.
02:38:41.000 Am I wrong?
02:38:43.000 Most limestone deposits are made from the shells of microscopic sea organisms.
02:38:47.000 Coral reefs are a beautiful example of organic sedimentary rocks made by creatures that are still living.
02:38:53.000 Okay, so yeah, it is.
02:38:55.000 So limestone deposits, it's made by the shells of microscopic sea organisms.
02:38:59.000 So these shells, they compress down, they make this stone.
02:39:02.000 They built... 1.00
02:39:04.000 They built fucking giant buildings out of this shit. 1.00
02:39:06.000 So just think of the age of that stone. 1.00
02:39:09.000 Like, what? 1.00
02:39:11.000 How old is that shit? 1.00
02:39:12.000 I mean, how old is that? 1.00
02:39:14.000 So everything that we think we know could literally be incorrect by a couple thousand years.
02:39:20.000 Yeah, but even that, I think it's weird that we're holding on to these numbers.
02:39:25.000 Instead of saying, well, we have some tests that show that we're pretty sure that this was created around then.
02:39:32.000 But that, you might be right.
02:39:34.000 That might be older.
02:39:35.000 But people really resist what he's saying.
02:39:37.000 They really resist it because you'd have to go back, and a lot of people that got degrees in Egyptology, you have to rewrite what we know.
02:39:44.000 Because once they...
02:39:45.000 Once they decide this is the age where this was made and Thutmose III was responsible for this and this guy's responsible for that, once they write that and sell the books, it's super hard to take that back.
02:39:57.000 And suddenly be like, well...
02:39:59.000 Yeah, it's super hard to admit they don't really know.
02:40:02.000 And this isn't something like, hey, Pluto's not a planet anymore because we were off by its size or whatever.
02:40:08.000 This is like we had literally no idea that people existed that far back.
02:40:14.000 Well, we knew people existed, but we didn't know they were capable of building things like that.
02:40:18.000 But I'm saying, why is that even surprising?
02:40:20.000 If people 4,000 fucking years ago could build something as crazy as the Great Pyramid, why would I be shocked that someone 4,000 years before that could build a Sphinx? 0.98
02:40:30.000 Or 4,000 years before that could build some other fucking temple? 0.99
02:40:34.000 It's also just a number that's really fucking ridiculous to get your head around. 1.00
02:40:37.000 It's impossible. 0.97
02:40:38.000 So wait, 4,000 from now, backwards, and then 4,000 from that point, forget it.
02:40:44.000 Yeah.
02:40:45.000 And then to think that humanity was probably restarted, at least to a certain extent, somewhere around the end of the Ice Age.
02:40:51.000 Like, humanity recovered and started flourishing again.
02:40:55.000 So who knows what number of people we dipped down to 15,000 plus years ago.
02:41:00.000 If they were...
02:41:01.000 If they built the Sphinx further back than we thought they did, did they have language skills?
02:41:08.000 Yeah.
02:41:08.000 They must have.
02:41:08.000 You can't build something like that without being like, hey, put a nose on it.
02:41:12.000 I think they're pretty sure language is 40,000 years old.
02:41:15.000 See if that's true.
02:41:17.000 I think that's what they think.
02:41:18.000 I think they think language in the form that we would describe as language, you know, like maybe, you know, I don't know what language is.
02:41:27.000 200,000.
02:41:28.000 200,000.
02:41:29.000 What?
02:41:30.000 Okay.
02:41:32.000 Psychology today.
02:41:33.000 Though definitely probably smarter than me.
02:41:36.000 So, okay.
02:41:37.000 So 200,000 years ago, more over around 50,000 years ago, for a period referred to by archaeologists of the Upper Paleolithic, an unprecedented cultural explosion began to manifest itself for human communities.
02:41:49.000 Maybe that's what I remember.
02:41:50.000 So 50,000 years ago is the number that's in my head.
02:41:53.000 So language.
02:41:54.000 They had it a long time. 0.99
02:41:56.000 They don't think, at least, they started writing shit until somewhere around 10,000 years ago. 0.99
02:42:02.000 But they don't even know if that's the case. 0.97
02:42:04.000 But I think the oldest known writing that we know of today, I think, is that stuff that comes out of Iraq.
02:42:12.000 Cuneiform, I think it's called.
02:42:14.000 It's from the ancient Sumerians.
02:42:15.000 They were the oldest civilization that were like modern, I mean, not modern, but advanced civilization that we're currently aware of.
02:42:22.000 And they kept records.
02:42:23.000 Yeah, they wrote with like old school...
02:42:26.000 Did you ever do any carpentry?
02:42:27.000 No.
02:42:27.000 No?
02:42:28.000 When I was a kid in Boston, I worked on a lot of houses, demolition stuff and carpentry stuff.
02:42:34.000 And you would go in these old, old houses and they had these weird nails.
02:42:38.000 Because the nails were all handmade back then.
02:42:40.000 They weren't a nail like you think of.
02:42:42.000 A nail like a tabletop with a pole underneath it.
02:42:45.000 That's not what the nails were.
02:42:46.000 The nails were like this weird kind of like almost rectangle or triangle thing.
02:42:50.000 And that was exactly what cuneiform looks like.
02:42:55.000 It has a very specific...
02:42:56.000 Pull up some Sumerian cuneiform.
02:43:00.000 So it's a series of lines, and it's really...
02:43:04.000 It's got to be insanely hard to decipher what they were writing and what they meant by all this.
02:43:10.000 But this is their language. 0.99
02:43:12.000 That shit that you're looking at right there. 1.00
02:43:14.000 That right there. 0.99
02:43:16.000 So it seems like an intermediate between hieroglyphics and an alphabet.
02:43:21.000 Yeah, I mean, I don't know. 0.99
02:43:23.000 I'm too stupid. 0.98
02:43:23.000 I'll ask tomorrow. 0.98
02:43:23.000 Because it's still pictographic when you look at it, right? 0.98
02:43:25.000 Like, it's still a little...
02:43:27.000 Well, that's not.
02:43:28.000 That's leaning more toward letters.
02:43:30.000 What is that?
02:43:31.000 That's like...
02:43:31.000 If you saw that on a spaceship, you'd be like, oh, the alien writing.
02:43:35.000 Yeah, and apparently it's not even that alien.
02:43:37.000 But doesn't that look like, if you saw that on a spaceship, that looks like something from like Hangar 18. Yeah.
02:43:42.000 Right?
02:43:43.000 If that was on the outside of a spaceship.
02:43:44.000 It's a little Stargate-y, but yeah, it looks very Stargate to me.
02:43:47.000 Like, look at that.
02:43:48.000 Dude, that is like some sort, like if you had a computer printout, remember those old school printouts that would run through computers with little holes punched in them?
02:43:56.000 That would look kind of like that.
02:44:00.000 The, uh, man.
02:44:02.000 That's the oldest language. 0.99
02:44:03.000 I think that shit's 6,000 years old. 0.99
02:44:06.000 I think it's somewhere around there. 0.99
02:44:07.000 And that's like Babylonia.
02:44:09.000 Have they been able to decipher an alphabet or be like 48 letters in their alphabet? 0.99
02:44:14.000 Yeah, I don't know what they found, but they found a lot of cool shit. 0.98
02:44:17.000 They found a lot of cool shit from the Sumerians. 0.99
02:44:19.000 I remember when I was a kid, like, you know, I went to Catholic school as a kid. 0.98
02:44:23.000 And the big story when we were younger was we got like new nuns.
02:44:28.000 Sisters, like at a certain point. 0.99
02:44:30.000 Like when I started Catholic school, Our Lady of Perpetual Help, they had old school nuns that, you know, would wrap your fucking knuckles and shit like your parents would talk about. 1.00
02:44:40.000 And then all of a sudden these new sisters come in, the Franciscan sisters of the infant Jesus. 0.99
02:44:49.000 And they were more like about education, almost like a Jesuit priest.
02:44:54.000 So they definitely had their vows and whatnot, but they were more progressive in their thinking than like the previous generation that had come prior to them.
02:45:05.000 So, Sister Teresa, who is like our 8th grade teacher, captured our imaginations with the Dead Sea Scrolls story.
02:45:12.000 About how, you know, there was a Bible that we all worked off of.
02:45:17.000 And then thanks to some kid who threw a rock in a cave, they found all these jars.
02:45:23.000 And inside of the jars, perfectly preserved, were all these writings on parchments and scrolls.
02:45:28.000 And so that's where we started getting a clearer picture We're good to go.
02:45:49.000 Yeah, the scrolls are fascinating, man.
02:45:51.000 You know, they had to use DNA testing to make sure that they were getting the pieces of this parchment from the same animal skin.
02:46:00.000 So like, say, if you had these pieces, they studied them for years.
02:46:06.000 Right.
02:46:07.000 And to decipher them, they would have to lay them out on tables.
02:46:10.000 You ever see what they look like, like laid out on tables?
02:46:13.000 And so one of the ways that they had to determine where pieces would go, and this is an incredibly painstaking process, they had to take small bits of organic material, because it's animal skins, and then they would run it through a DNA test and go, okay, this is the same animal.
02:46:28.000 This animal is where all these pieces go in here.
02:46:32.000 This is likely from the same piece of skin.
02:46:34.000 How amazing.
02:46:35.000 Dude, and it's crazy.
02:46:37.000 And I think it's the only version of the Bible that was written in Aramaic.
02:46:41.000 Yes.
02:46:42.000 Well done. 1.00
02:46:43.000 Fuck, you're well read. 1.00
02:46:43.000 No, no, it's not well read. 1.00
02:46:45.000 It's well read about drugs.
02:46:46.000 See, this is all about John Marco Allegro.
02:46:49.000 We talked about this.
02:46:50.000 Yeah, that guy.
02:46:50.000 The magic mushrooms.
02:46:51.000 That's how I found out about, yeah, the Dead Sea Scrolls and the Christian myth and the sacred mushroom and the cross.
02:46:56.000 There's two books on that.
02:46:57.000 But he was a guy who studied that, the Dead Sea Scrolls.
02:47:00.000 At what point, we just saw an image of the...
02:47:04.000 Dead Sea Scroll parchment spread out.
02:47:06.000 What point do I give up?
02:47:07.000 Instantly.
02:47:08.000 You know what I'm saying?
02:47:08.000 Like where somebody's like, you might have to DN that goodbye.
02:47:12.000 Yeah, I'd be like, yo, if you guys need funding, I'm down to donate.
02:47:15.000 I got a jet.
02:47:16.000 I got a spot at the store.
02:47:18.000 I got a spot at the store.
02:47:20.000 It's not for me, man.
02:47:21.000 I mean, but it is for somebody and I'm grateful.
02:47:24.000 You know, I'm grateful that there's guys like that, like Robert Shock, who's, you know, taking these trips to Egypt to study this and really putting his neck out there, releasing this very controversial theory. 0.91
02:47:34.000 I'm glad there's all these people out there that are questioning these things and looking into these things and that someone has the energy to study the Dead Sea Scrolls and to go over and apparently there's some wacky ass fucking crazy stories in there.
02:47:46.000 Like, they've tried to compare the stories, like, way more extreme, way, way weirder, to the point where people are like, oh, I don't think we should use these stories.
02:47:54.000 Do they involve the same characters?
02:47:56.000 I don't know.
02:47:57.000 Like, is it a Jesus, the lost years?
02:48:00.000 I don't think so.
02:48:01.000 Like, maybe we could find...
02:48:03.000 Because that story has a big chunk missing.
02:48:05.000 Yeah.
02:48:06.000 He's 12, and then next time they pick him up, he's 31. Yeah.
02:48:10.000 I think that's probably something that can't be just Googled.
02:48:13.000 Where was Jesus?
02:48:15.000 Probably have to read a book on what they learned out of the Dead Sea Scrolls.
02:48:18.000 But I remember there was some sort of a documentary on all of the hidden truths of the Dead Sea Scrolls and why these Christians were trying to omit it and not put it into the final version of the Bible.
02:48:32.000 It's so weird.
02:48:33.000 The Gnostic Gospels, they pull a lot from...
02:48:36.000 From there, the Gnostics were people that, it was a faith, I guess, or a section of faith, that they were great record keepers, but they were also not necessarily like, and it was the Christ himself,
02:48:52.000 the mighty Son of God, you know, they were a bit more practical in their telling of the tale.
02:48:58.000 Didn't religion it up quite so much.
02:49:01.000 If you could go back to a time and observe life, like being like a giant bulletproof hamster wheel and observe life, would you go to the dinosaur era and see like live T-Rexes running around and predators and crazy thick atmosphere and heavy vegetation of pre-65 million years ago?
02:49:23.000 Or would you go and watch people from like 5,000 years ago?
02:49:29.000 Do I get one shot at this?
02:49:31.000 One shot.
02:49:32.000 I don't do the dinosaurs because I'm like, I've seen Jurassic Park.
02:49:35.000 And the real dinosaurs probably aren't going to be nearly as impressive as Jurassic Park.
02:49:39.000 How dare you.
02:49:40.000 That being said... 0.94
02:49:40.000 I've seen Jurassic Park, you son of a... 0.94
02:49:42.000 That being said, I go...
02:49:47.000 I go to the Christ era because that might solve a lot of problems. 0.99
02:49:52.000 If I can come back and be like, he was real.
02:49:55.000 And he turns out he was the son of God.
02:49:57.000 And here he is.
02:49:58.000 Let's listen to the clerks guy. 0.99
02:50:00.000 He fucking time traveled. 0.99
02:50:02.000 He thinks he knows everything. 1.00
02:50:02.000 You got fooled by a magician, bro. 1.00
02:50:04.000 Who's the guy who literally, who's telling us that the Sphinx is older than it is?
02:50:09.000 Somebody's got to put their neck out there sometimes, man.
02:50:11.000 I'd be willing to be the guy to do it.
02:50:13.000 John Anthony West was the guy.
02:50:14.000 He's dead now.
02:50:15.000 He just died recently.
02:50:16.000 What?
02:50:17.000 Yeah, John Anthony West.
02:50:18.000 I thought this was a guy who was coming in tomorrow.
02:50:19.000 No, no, that's Robert Schock.
02:50:20.000 That's what I'm talking about.
02:50:20.000 He's another one of them.
02:50:21.000 He's the geologist.
02:50:22.000 John Anthony West was the guy who was making all these DVDs about it.
02:50:25.000 He's a really serious Egyptologist that just passed away.
02:50:29.000 He passed away?
02:50:29.000 Yeah.
02:50:30.000 He's the one who's really trying to put...
02:50:31.000 He's old.
02:50:32.000 Old age.
02:50:32.000 Cancer.
02:50:33.000 So he was the one that first flowed the theory that, like, he might be older than you.
02:50:37.000 He just had a—he's got this crazy DVD series called Magical Egypt.
02:50:41.000 It's phenomenal.
02:50:43.000 I think he's got a two—one and two.
02:50:45.000 I really only watched one, but it's so good, man.
02:50:48.000 I mean, it's like a six DVD series all on the mysteries of Egypt.
02:50:53.000 What the hell happened?
02:50:54.000 We just got some— That's me. 1.00
02:50:56.000 Oh, fuck you, Siri. 1.00
02:50:58.000 Look, it just starts recording me, man. 1.00
02:51:00.000 Did your phone just come to life and start...
02:51:02.000 Yeah.
02:51:02.000 She just started...
02:51:03.000 It's the government, man!
02:51:05.000 They found out I'm talking to Roseanne!
02:51:10.000 Where were we talking about?
02:51:11.000 What was I just talking about?
02:51:13.000 Magical Egypt. 0.90
02:51:14.000 Oh, the DVD series.
02:51:15.000 So this guy is the one who got me like really into it in the first place.
02:51:20.000 Wrapping my head around the concept of civilizations collapse and then a thousand years later rebuilds again.
02:51:26.000 And then you think about what the United States was like 500 years ago.
02:51:29.000 It was non-existent and now look at what it is now. 0.53
02:51:32.000 That these great moments of change happen periodically in human history, especially in places where there's a lot of commerce and there's a lot of food, like the rich, vast wilderness and the rivers filled with fish and places where people could get enough food and they would build these cities and then they would start inventing shit and innovating and a hundred years later they'd be better. 0.82
02:51:55.000 Two hundred years later they'd be better than that.
02:51:57.000 Five hundred years later they'd have crazy structures and then they'd be building things and Apparently, this is what it was like in the Nile Valley when they were constructing all these things.
02:52:05.000 It was just a bounty of food.
02:52:07.000 And then somebody just shook it like an etch-a-sketch.
02:52:09.000 Or the climate change.
02:52:10.000 That's the real theory.
02:52:11.000 Really?
02:52:12.000 Yeah, because this is what they're saying about the Nile Valley is that before 9,000 years ago, it was a tropical rainforest.
02:52:19.000 And now it's all sand and desert. 0.99
02:52:22.000 But before that, it was like fucking trees. 0.99
02:52:25.000 The climate changes. 0.99
02:52:26.000 Whether we fuck with it and make it change faster or not, it's not stable. 0.98
02:52:30.000 It's constantly going up and down. 0.98
02:52:32.000 And so this is probably also partially responsible for what happened to those people. 0.99
02:52:36.000 But those people had taken shit to another level, man. 0.97
02:52:40.000 I need to go there because I've only been watching DVDs and I'm scared of going to Egypt because sometimes it's a little unstable. 0.99
02:52:48.000 But man, what it must be like to see these 4,000-fucking-year-old gigantic stone structures that were cut and moved by who knows how many people and who knows how the fuck they did it. 0.97
02:53:00.000 They just have... 0.99
02:53:01.000 Theories.
02:53:02.000 There's just guesses.
02:53:03.000 They don't know.
02:53:04.000 There's no hieroglyphic wall that's like, here's the real story.
02:53:08.000 Not really.
02:53:09.000 I mean, the problem was they think that a lot of the information was in the Library of Alexandria.
02:53:13.000 It was written down.
02:53:13.000 It was burned when they were conquered.
02:53:19.000 They don't really know.
02:53:20.000 Don't really know how they made them.
02:53:21.000 There's a lot of good guesses, a lot of good theories. 0.99
02:53:23.000 But fuck, you're talking about millions of stones. 0.99
02:53:27.000 And they're huge. 0.99
02:53:28.000 Like, how long did this take?
02:53:29.000 They say if you cut in place 10 of those massive stones a day, it would take you 664 years to make the Great Pyramid.
02:53:38.000 And for all we know, that's how long it took.
02:53:41.000 Just what?
02:53:42.000 Wait a minute.
02:53:43.000 Say that again. 0.71
02:53:44.000 Ten of those massive stones a day.
02:53:47.000 It would take you 664 years.
02:53:49.000 To build all the Great Pyramids?
02:53:51.000 To build just the Great Pyramid of Giza.
02:53:52.000 Just that one.
02:53:53.000 Just that one.
02:53:53.000 Just that one.
02:53:54.000 So whoever commissioned it certainly wasn't around to see it finished. 0.93
02:53:57.000 100%, unless they had some wizard magic shit that we're not aware of, and they did it way quicker than we think they did. 0.91
02:54:03.000 Well, who knows how long it took them to build? 0.98
02:54:06.000 We don't really know.
02:54:06.000 It might have been a thousand years.
02:54:08.000 You know, who knows?
02:54:09.000 Where do you stand on faith?
02:54:12.000 Or what happens when, in your estimation, we die, what happens?
02:54:16.000 I really don't know.
02:54:17.000 And I think in that regard, I'm right there with everybody.
02:54:20.000 I think you can have your ideas, and I think those ideas can strengthen your resolve in this life, and they could even help you.
02:54:26.000 And this is something that I had to accept as I got older, more of the same thing, like, okay, why do I have this reaction?
02:54:32.000 Like, there's certain people that are like these ardent atheists. 1.00
02:54:35.000 They're like, God is dead, there's no God, shut the fuck up. 1.00
02:54:37.000 I'm like, okay. 1.00
02:54:40.000 How do you know you don't know?
02:54:42.000 So even though logic would point, I mean, if you really paid attention to the way human beings tell stories, you would have to say, well, a lot of these religious stories are probably fabricated, or maybe there was an initial message, or maybe there was some wisdom that these people initially stumbled upon,
02:54:57.000 they wanted to document it. 0.95
02:54:59.000 But whether or not all this came from God, you know, the Cain and Abel shit, and trying to trick a brother into killing another brother, like, oh, Oh, I almost got you. 0.99
02:55:07.000 You know, you're going to do it for me. 0.99
02:55:08.000 You're my boy. 1.00
02:55:09.000 You're going to kill your brother. 1.00
02:55:10.000 Thanks, man. 1.00
02:55:11.000 Or there's so many of those stories.
02:55:12.000 Sounds a little more human than God-like.
02:55:14.000 Yeah.
02:55:15.000 But does that mean there's no God?
02:55:17.000 No, of course it doesn't.
02:55:18.000 It doesn't.
02:55:19.000 This universe is too bizarre for you to leave anything off the table.
02:55:24.000 Any possibilities of what created it, what sustains it, other than scientific, you know, you get down to like the most reductionist perspective of it's just a series of quarks and gluons and atoms and,
02:55:40.000 you know, and energy and maybe...
02:55:43.000 Maybe it is all that.
02:55:44.000 Maybe it is just that, but maybe that in itself is God.
02:55:47.000 Maybe God is not a material thing, but it's a creating force of the entire universe itself, and it also has good in its heart.
02:55:55.000 Like, maybe the reason why we love, like, hugs and good conversation and, you know, a cute puppy and all these different things, we like love and we like happiness, because all these things are powerful forces in the universe, and all these Things represent the greater will of the Creator, 0.91
02:56:11.000 of whatever it is that makes this universe so spectacular, whatever the fuck that is. 0.84
02:56:16.000 I don't know what it is. 0.98
02:56:18.000 But anybody who says they know what it is, is lying.
02:56:21.000 You're lying!
02:56:23.000 You're trying to trick people so that you have the ultimate truth and they don't, and that's how we control people.
02:56:26.000 And that's fine up until around now.
02:56:30.000 It's fine when there was no internet.
02:56:32.000 It's fine when books were scarce.
02:56:33.000 It's fine when we had to keep order.
02:56:35.000 It's fine.
02:56:36.000 It's fine.
02:56:36.000 But it's not fine anymore.
02:56:37.000 Because we know too much now.
02:56:39.000 So it doesn't mean that there's no God, but it means you definitely, this guy that wants the jet, who's that televangelist that wants $50 million to buy his own private jet? 1.00
02:56:49.000 For sure, that guy's full of shit. 1.00
02:56:51.000 See? 1.00
02:56:52.000 So there's things that we can be sure.
02:56:54.000 He's found a hustle, and it's not even an original hustle.
02:56:57.000 It's like, I know what happens after this, give me your money.
02:56:59.000 God wants me to be wealthy.
02:57:00.000 That's what he's saying.
02:57:01.000 Did you ever meet somebody who experienced the afterlife?
02:57:06.000 I've met people that my belief is that a lot of that can be attributed to the chemicals that your brain is capable of producing on a regular basis.
02:57:15.000 It does while you're sleeping.
02:57:16.000 It does while you're in periods of extreme stress.
02:57:18.000 And that all these different chemicals most likely are released in the brain during these overwhelming periods of anxiety and fear and terror and injury when your body is thinking, hey man, this might be it.
02:57:32.000 And I think that's probably what a lot of these near-death experiences are, is that people are experiencing what you would call an endogenous psychedelic experience.
02:57:41.000 Your brain is releasing these potent chemicals that it has, it absolutely has inside of it.
02:57:48.000 Your brain has a ton of different You know, things like dimethyltryptamine and different psychedelic chemicals it's capable of producing, as well as like melatonin, dopamine, serotonin, adrenaline, cortisol. 1.00
02:57:59.000 There's a fucking storm of shit going on in your brain. 0.99
02:58:04.000 And in a moment like near death, it just jacks it all out into your system. 1.00
02:58:08.000 It probably pumps it through your fucking neurons and everything's firing and you're seeing things that aren't there and you're talking to dead relatives and you're imagining the pearly gates and your imagination is on 10 and you're just seeing everything. 0.96
02:58:20.000 That's the reductionist perspective. 0.99
02:58:23.000 The hopeful, optimistic, spiritual woo-woo perspective is this is a chemical gateway, and you're seeing through the door of the other side, and then when they decide it's not your time yet, you're sucked back to where you lie,
02:58:38.000 and then you're allowed to resume this life because you have more work to do.
02:58:41.000 And that's the perspective that a lot of people feel when they come out of those experiences, right?
02:58:45.000 They feel like, I have more work to do.
02:58:46.000 I can't stop now.
02:58:47.000 My mom, years ago, God, it was like 10 years ago, more than that even, maybe 15 years ago at this point, had a heart attack, or a heart episode, rather.
02:58:57.000 My dad died of a heart attack, but my mom was on the table and they were putting a stent into her heart, into her artery.
02:59:04.000 And she was sitting there chit-chatting while they were doing the surgery.
02:59:07.000 I guess she was on a local more so than anything else.
02:59:11.000 And she was joking around with the doctor.
02:59:12.000 She's like, you gotta hurry up, doc, because I gotta pick up my mom for the... 0.99
02:59:16.000 And then went out. 0.99
02:59:18.000 And so she died for a minute and a half, clinically fucking dead. 1.00
02:59:22.000 They had to fucking try to restart the heart. 0.99
02:59:25.000 So I was like, what happened? 0.99
02:59:28.000 What was it?
02:59:30.000 And she didn't describe, like, I saw the bright lights and I saw people and blah, blah, blah.
02:59:37.000 She said I was floating.
02:59:38.000 And I was like, floating up?
02:59:40.000 She goes, no, floating on my back.
02:59:42.000 I was like, okay, well, you were on your back in the hospital.
02:59:45.000 Do you think that's what it was?
02:59:46.000 She's like, I don't know, but this is what I remember.
02:59:52.000 Every Iota of responsibility I ever felt in my life was gone.
02:59:58.000 She's like, I felt free.
03:00:00.000 Like I felt instantly lighter.
03:00:04.000 And just as I was heading in a direction, that's when like they pulled her back.
03:00:11.000 So she'd been dead for like a minute and a half.
03:00:13.000 Her heart had stopped.
03:00:14.000 So I was like, all right. 0.99
03:00:17.000 You've been in this best of all possible worlds for, you know, fucking 60 plus years. 0.96
03:00:22.000 Now you've seen a glimpse of the other side, which is better. 0.98
03:00:26.000 And my mom said, the other side.
03:00:28.000 And I said, what?
03:00:29.000 You were there for like a minute and change.
03:00:31.000 Why? 0.98
03:00:32.000 And she said, I was completely fucking free. 0.99
03:00:36.000 Like... 0.99
03:00:37.000 That was it.
03:00:38.000 I didn't know this one.
03:00:39.000 I don't have to care for this one.
03:00:41.000 I don't have to make sure this is taken care of.
03:00:43.000 I don't have to feed the cat.
03:00:44.000 She was like, it was bliss.
03:00:46.000 She's like, and if that's what happens, then I look forward to that again. 0.99
03:00:49.000 So when I was having my shit three months ago, and the doctor was like, you got a 20% chance of living, I was sitting there going through all the fucking shit in my head about like, all right, well, this is it. 1.00
03:01:01.000 You've spent your life with your head up your ass, you know, fucking trying to figure out who you are. 1.00
03:01:07.000 Go ahead. 1.00
03:01:08.000 Look at your head and heart.
03:01:09.000 This is it.
03:01:10.000 This is the big moment.
03:01:11.000 What are your thoughts?
03:01:11.000 What's going through?
03:01:13.000 I'm such a chicken shit in life. 1.00
03:01:14.000 I assumed that I'd be like the guy who was like, I'll fucking suck your dick to stay in this life. 1.00
03:01:18.000 Because I know this life and I don't know what happens afterwards. 1.00
03:01:22.000 So I thought I'd be begging for help from God or something like that.
03:01:26.000 But I was like, I made dogma. 0.98
03:01:28.000 I'm sure Jesus would be like, go to hell. 1.00
03:01:29.000 Fuck you. 1.00
03:01:30.000 Buddy Christ my ass. 1.00
03:01:31.000 So instead of doing the religious thing, I started thinking about just the journey itself. 0.99
03:01:38.000 I was like, well, if the journey's ending, what are your thoughts?
03:01:42.000 Just like when they held up the phone, they were like, do you want to talk to your wife?
03:01:45.000 And I was like, no, of course I did.
03:01:50.000 But I didn't want to because I was like, I know in my heart of hearts, if I speak to my wife right now, I'm going to be in the 20%.
03:01:57.000 I'm going to die.
03:01:58.000 I'm going to be in the 80%. 1.00
03:01:59.000 I'm going to fucking drop dead because that's it. 0.99
03:02:02.000 The intensity of it? 0.99
03:02:03.000 Not even like, oh my God, it's going to kill me.
03:02:07.000 The way they were so like, your wife is on the phone.
03:02:10.000 Do you want to speak to her right now?
03:02:13.000 Was very leading.
03:02:15.000 And, you know, they're professionals, and these cats deal with life and death every day, and this was my first experience with it.
03:02:20.000 So what I got out of it was...
03:02:22.000 You're probably going to die.
03:02:24.000 ...was what they felt.
03:02:25.000 Yeah.
03:02:25.000 And still, I was in this state of like, I didn't even realize I was having a heart attack.
03:02:29.000 And so I remember looking at the phone and being like, if I answer it, if I talk to Jennifer, that's going to be it.
03:02:36.000 I'm not going to leave this room.
03:02:37.000 So I was like, I'm going to play the odds.
03:02:39.000 If I don't talk to Jennifer...
03:02:41.000 Maybe there's some part of me that's like, look, I like talking to Jennifer. 0.98
03:02:44.000 We've been together fucking 20 years. 0.96
03:02:45.000 I better enjoy talking to Jennifer. 0.99
03:02:48.000 Maybe if I put this phone call off, you know, that I'll get to talk to Jennifer when it's all fucking done. 0.87
03:02:54.000 So I said to the dude, I was like, you know what? 0.70
03:02:56.000 Tell her I'll call her back.
03:02:58.000 And the guy goes, seriously?
03:02:59.000 And I was like, yeah.
03:03:01.000 And I saw him talking and he got off the phone and I was like, what'd she say? 0.98
03:03:03.000 And he goes, she was fucking pissed, dude. 1.00
03:03:05.000 And I was like, well, I'm dealing with my own shit right now. 0.99
03:03:08.000 So I was laying there on the table and I was like going through my life and I was more grateful than anything else. 0.98
03:03:15.000 I wasn't scared anymore.
03:03:16.000 That was the thing.
03:03:17.000 That was the thing that I love to communicate. 0.99
03:03:19.000 I spent my whole life terrified of fucking dying. 0.98
03:03:23.000 And when I was as closest to it as I ever knew I was, and for all I know I was closer someplace, but like, I was cognizant and told by a professional, this is fucking risky. 0.98
03:03:36.000 I was just kind of... 0.54
03:03:37.000 I was grateful, more than anything else. 0.99
03:03:39.000 I was like, what a fucking journey. 0.98
03:03:41.000 Like, yeah, and I'm 47, and it seems short, but fucking, like, you gotta admit, you did more than fucking most people get to do, and maybe that's why it happened at an early age, because you weren't gonna get the rest of this time and shit like that. 0.99
03:03:53.000 But, like, I wasn't mad, I wasn't like, fucking, why? 0.97
03:03:56.000 This is unfair. 0.88
03:03:58.000 I remembered, like, there's an issue of Sandman, which I absolutely loved, Neil Gaiman's comic book series back in the day.
03:04:06.000 And after the first story arc, we meet his sister.
03:04:11.000 The main character is Dream.
03:04:13.000 Morpheus, the character of Dream.
03:04:15.000 He's part of the Endless.
03:04:17.000 And he's got other siblings, Delirium, Desire.
03:04:20.000 One of his siblings is Death.
03:04:23.000 And they represent death in the comic book. 1.00
03:04:25.000 You know, you're used to seeing the fucking Sky and the fucking Grim Reaper and shit. 1.00
03:04:30.000 She's the little emo girl, goth girl, wearing an ankh around her neck and shit like that. 1.00
03:04:36.000 It was written in the 90s. 0.99
03:04:37.000 And they don't tell you right away that she's death. 1.00
03:04:39.000 As you're reading the issue, you're like, oh, shit. 1.00
03:04:41.000 I think she's meant to be death. 1.00
03:04:43.000 She's ferrying souls over to the other side. 0.83
03:04:45.000 You see a baby pass and she's holding the baby and then the refrain is like I hear the sound of her wings and that's taking this soul over to the next place as she's sitting around talking to her brother.
03:04:58.000 And so she eventually gets into a room with this older guy who's like, who are you?
03:05:05.000 And she's like, I'm here for you.
03:05:07.000 You know who I am.
03:05:07.000 And he's like, that's it?
03:05:08.000 He's like, oh my god.
03:05:10.000 I did all these things.
03:05:11.000 I worked my fingers to the bone.
03:05:12.000 And what did I get?
03:05:14.000 This is it.
03:05:14.000 What did I get?
03:05:15.000 And she says, a line that when I read it when I was 18, it was powerful. 0.99
03:05:20.000 But when I was laying on the fucking table, it was powerful. 0.97
03:05:24.000 Constantly going through my head and made it all easier made me kind of at peace with the idea of dying There's this line she says to the guy she goes you get you got what everybody gets you got a lifetime and as I was laying there I was like oh my god I got a lifetime like that's that's what it was nothing more nothing fucking less and I did some shit in it and now it's gonna stop and people are gonna go on without you and That's not terrible. 0.99
03:05:49.000 Like, I thought I'd be fucking desperate to live. 0.75
03:05:52.000 And instead, I had that weird... 0.96
03:05:55.000 I understood what my mother said for the first time.
03:05:58.000 Because I was laying there, I was like, oh my god.
03:06:00.000 Like, I made it to the end.
03:06:01.000 Like, this is it.
03:06:02.000 This is the finish line.
03:06:03.000 And it had been something that I was terrified of ever getting to.
03:06:06.000 But then when really kind of faced with it, I was like, oh...
03:06:10.000 Like, I'm done.
03:06:10.000 Like, I'm not scared that I'm done.
03:06:13.000 I'm actually kind of relieved that I'm done. 0.99
03:06:15.000 And like, you know, fucking, like, I didn't get killed. 0.98
03:06:19.000 And I wasn't home invaded. 1.00
03:06:21.000 A shark didn't eat me.
03:06:23.000 All the things that, like, I've been terrified of my entire life.
03:06:27.000 Like, I don't have to think about it anymore.
03:06:28.000 I made it to the end, and it's kind of okay.
03:06:32.000 So it's weird.
03:06:33.000 My whole life I thought, like, you know, I'd be scared of death, and most people, we all are. 0.81
03:06:36.000 We're all terrified of fucking dying because we don't know. 0.87
03:06:39.000 But that was the closest I ever came, and I wasn't scared. 0.96
03:06:41.000 Like, suddenly the fear just went away, and it seemed logical.
03:06:44.000 Like, of course it's over.
03:06:45.000 Like, things end.
03:06:46.000 And I didn't want to die.
03:06:48.000 I didn't have a death wish, but I was like...
03:06:51.000 If it's done, it's done. 0.99
03:06:54.000 And count your blessings and be happy and don't be a bitch. 1.00
03:06:58.000 If the fucking ferryman shows up tonight, don't fucking hold out. 1.00
03:07:02.000 Don't be the last asshole at the party going, no! 1.00
03:07:05.000 Just fucking pay the ferryman, get on a boat and go. 1.00
03:07:08.000 We'll see what's next and stuff. 0.99
03:07:09.000 And then ultimately, Leidenheim did a good job and I fucking wound up living and stuff. 0.76
03:07:16.000 I know this much. 0.98
03:07:17.000 I got to read a bunch of shit like after I nearly died, and it was all nice. 0.99
03:07:20.000 People wrote very nice things about me and shit. 0.99
03:07:22.000 And I expected, you know, I'm a creature of the internet that some people would be like, I wish he had fucking died. 1.00
03:07:27.000 Fuck him to death and shit. 1.00
03:07:28.000 I wish he'd stay silent. 1.00
03:07:29.000 But generally, it was like very nice things.
03:07:32.000 People were kind of positive and stuff. 1.00
03:07:34.000 So I was like, fuck, man. 0.99
03:07:38.000 You know, again, I didn't want to die, but, like, if I had, like, that would have been okay. 1.00
03:07:45.000 Now I'm back at it.
03:07:46.000 You know what I'm saying?
03:07:47.000 Like, now, until it ends, like, I've got to, you know, and it's kind of easy. 0.99
03:07:53.000 As long as I don't wake up with a fucking dead girl or a live boy, I don't think, like, they'll fucking break me over the coals when I die in the future and shit like that. 0.94
03:08:02.000 But it felt weird to be so close to the completion and having something that normally terrifies you suddenly be like, oh, it's okay. 0.99
03:08:12.000 If you walked up and put a gun in my face, I'm sure I'd feel threatened, but I kind of lost my fear of death.
03:08:19.000 I'm not death-defying.
03:08:21.000 I won't go out and do anything differently.
03:08:24.000 But that dark cloud that kind of kills any good time, the moment you start thinking about like...
03:08:30.000 The fear and anxiety.
03:08:31.000 You're going to die one day.
03:08:32.000 Like, it's gone and all of a sudden I'm like, yeah, I'm going to die one day. 0.97
03:08:35.000 And it's going to be awesome.
03:08:36.000 But not for the reasons that you think I'm saying it's going to be awesome.
03:08:39.000 It's going to be awesome because I finish.
03:08:41.000 Like, it's nice to finish things.
03:08:43.000 We know how good it feels in life to complete something. 0.97
03:08:45.000 And that's the biggest fucking thing in life you'll ever complete, is your journey. 0.94
03:08:49.000 So, I didn't walk away going like, I gotta do more. 0.99
03:08:53.000 Like, I gotta fucking live life to the fullest. 0.87
03:08:56.000 I just gotta keep doing what I've been doing. 0.98
03:08:58.000 Like, living life the way I enjoy it.
03:09:01.000 Trying to do things.
03:09:02.000 Sometimes they work. 1.00
03:09:03.000 Sometimes they fail and shit. 1.00
03:09:04.000 Sometimes people are on your side. 1.00
03:09:06.000 Sometimes people are like, you fucking blow. 1.00
03:09:08.000 And just do that fucking time. 1.00
03:09:10.000 Have good conversations in the process. 0.99
03:09:13.000 Meet interesting people. 0.98
03:09:14.000 Hear new points of view and shit like that. 0.97
03:09:16.000 And keep at it. 0.99
03:09:18.000 But...
03:09:20.000 It's nothing to be afraid of.
03:09:22.000 I don't want to get eaten by a cat, don't get me wrong. 0.98
03:09:25.000 And I guarantee you, I would not be philosophical as a fucking big cat was crushing my... 0.99
03:09:30.000 I'd be like, Jesus, no! 0.99
03:09:31.000 I'd find prayer quick.
03:09:36.000 Death is no longer something—I'm not looking for it, and I certainly won't put myself in harm's way, but it doesn't preoccupy me anymore.
03:09:44.000 I've been there, and it's not the thing that I was led to believe it was.
03:09:49.000 Like, it's not the ultimate fear come true.
03:09:52.000 It's not the Grim Reaper.
03:09:54.000 There's a sense, at least in my case—and again, I didn't have a painful heart attack. 0.88
03:09:58.000 I'm sure people have heart attacks where they feel like their fucking body's being ripped and cleaved in twain— But it wasn't that. 0.92
03:10:07.000 It wasn't scary. 0.99
03:10:08.000 It was okay.
03:10:09.000 Well, listen, man, I'm glad you lived.
03:10:11.000 Because I love you.
03:10:12.000 And you're one of my favorite people to talk to.
03:10:14.000 And we don't talk very often, but when we do, I always love it.
03:10:16.000 And after the heart attack, I couldn't wait.
03:10:18.000 We started texting and being like, bro, you've got to come in.
03:10:20.000 I was like, definitely.
03:10:21.000 I didn't want to ask quick. 1.00
03:10:24.000 What's the protocol on that sort of shit? 1.00
03:10:25.000 That's so gross. 1.00
03:10:26.000 It's so morbid. 0.56
03:10:27.000 Listen, man, you might not make it.
03:10:29.000 Can you think you can get in here in the next couple weeks?
03:10:31.000 Is Tuesday good?
03:10:31.000 Yeah.
03:10:31.000 But no, I'm happy to be here and stuff.
03:10:35.000 We all are happy to be above ground.
03:10:37.000 It's better than below ground.
03:10:38.000 I'm happy to hear your perspective, too.
03:10:40.000 I want to pass that on because you're a seeker as well.
03:10:43.000 I think it means a lot to a lot of people that are listening, too, because that's what everyone's scared of, right?
03:10:47.000 Oh, it blows, too.
03:10:47.000 Everyone's scared of the ride being over.
03:10:49.000 That's what we think.
03:10:50.000 We're trained to think that way. 1.00
03:10:52.000 Every fucking movie, every book you read, every song is about how it'll suck when it's over. 1.00
03:10:56.000 And that fear can keep you from enjoying it while you're living it. 1.00
03:10:59.000 And trying cool things and stuff like that.
03:11:01.000 And I don't mean like putting yourself in harm's way.
03:11:02.000 Like, let's shoot a movie with real lions.
03:11:05.000 That's been done.
03:11:06.000 Don't try it. 1.00
03:11:07.000 You can watch the fucking video. 0.99
03:11:08.000 But the things where you're like, I'd really like to try it. 1.00
03:11:11.000 Like, it fucking won't work. 0.80
03:11:12.000 Or, oh, there's maybe time later. 0.99
03:11:14.000 That's the one thing I did walk away from it.
03:11:17.000 Time? 1.00
03:11:18.000 You're fucking lucky for every goddamn second. 1.00
03:11:21.000 Every goddamn second. 1.00
03:11:22.000 So use it wisely. 0.99
03:11:23.000 And I think if you can just think that way, like today's a borrowed day.
03:11:28.000 Sometimes you have to trick yourself into finding more enthusiasm.
03:11:33.000 You have to trick yourself to be pumped up about stuff.
03:11:36.000 But if you can really do that and exercise those patterns in your brain and get them normal, there's There's people that have tricked themselves into enjoying all sorts of things that they know are good for them. 0.94
03:11:47.000 They just fire up those fucking chemicals and today we're going to just go out there and attack this day because this is a gift. 0.97
03:11:55.000 This isn't supposed to be here. 1.00
03:11:57.000 We got one!
03:11:58.000 I think that all the time now, honestly.
03:12:00.000 That's like an underlying that goes under almost every thought I have.
03:12:04.000 And it doesn't happen constantly, but it literally happens about ten times a week. 0.97
03:12:08.000 You'll be doing something, you'll be heading somewhere, you'll be eating something, fucking whatever the fuck, fucking having a conversation, and then you'll be like, this isn't supposed to be happening right now. 1.00
03:12:18.000 Based on the odds, I was supposed to die back on that fucking table. 1.00
03:12:22.000 So suddenly you're like, I'm playing on house money. 1.00
03:12:24.000 House money, son.
03:12:25.000 You know what I'm saying?
03:12:26.000 Live a house money life, kids.
03:12:28.000 Live a house money life, kids. 1.00
03:12:29.000 That should be a fucking t-shirt. 1.00
03:12:32.000 Thank you, Kevin. 0.99
03:12:33.000 Excellent period.
03:12:33.000 Really appreciate you, brother.
03:12:34.000 I appreciate you.
03:12:38.000 How many hours?