Joe Rogan Experience #1190 - Joey Diaz
Episode Stats
Length
3 hours and 16 minutes
Harmful content
Misogyny
161
sentences flagged
Toxicity
1,366
sentences flagged
Hate speech
95
sentences flagged
Summary
Joey and I talk about how to stay clean for 29 days without smoking reefer, and how to lose weight while doing it. We also talk about the problems we had with eating after noon and how we dealt with them. Joey talks about his struggles with food and how he got over them, and we talk about some of the problems he's had with his diet, and what he's doing to try to get rid of them. Then we get into how he's losing weight now that he doesn't have to eat as much as he did in the past, and why he thinks it's a good idea to give up food for a while. We finish up the episode by talking about how we're going to do it for the rest of the year, and if it's possible to be clean for a full year without smoking for a whole year, why we should do it. If you like the show, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and tell us what you think of the show! I'll be checking out the other shows on the App Store and reviewing them on the next episode, so don't forget to leave a review and tell me what you thought of it! I'm looking forward to hearing from you in the comments section below! XOXO, Joey and Joey. XO - The Jerks Logo by Courtney DeKorte Music by Ian Dorsch Music by Zapsplat Theme by Jeff Kaale (c) by John Rocha ( ) is a tribute to the late, great, great song written and produced by Kevin McLeod ( ) and the late great, good vibey ( ) by and by , and , & in honor of . and his amazing band, on . . . , & , in tribute to s from to , . & . ( ) & ( ), for . , & the ? ! / + etc. (and ) and the ( , ) and ( & ( ) is also @ & his ; And AND has a // & joins us in this episode on
Transcript
00:00:08.000
I said that once you clean for 29 days without smoking reefer, that's it.
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00:00:17.000
If I fucking stayed clean from reefer for 29 days, I'd let my lungs fucking heal from the abuse I've inflicted on in the last 30 fucking years.
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First of all, I haven't had an edible since, like, I broke it in Boston September 29th.
00:00:35.000
So out of respect for Sober October, I didn't do an edible.
00:00:48.000
I fucking eat mozzarella cheese or milk and I'm farting up.
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The hunger issues after 11 o'clock were just monstrous.
00:01:23.000
Like, here I am working hard to lose weight, I'd stick to it, and then I'd go home, I'd start with an apple, another apple, a banana, another banana, then you gotta bust out the salami sandwich.
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With the fucking, you know, it was just getting bad.
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The hunger from edibles every minute after 11 o'clock for me was uncontrollable.
00:01:47.000
You don't just get, like, a little fucked up.
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It was starting early, 2 in the afternoon, then pop another 2 at fucking 6. Do you like vaporizing?
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While I'm having coffee in my hotel room, writing my notes for the thoughts of the day.
00:02:18.000
If you want to be a fat fuck, don't eat till one when you wake up.
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Because then you gotta make up for it the rest of the day.
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Because a lot of you guys like the intermittent fasting.
00:02:45.000
But I'd start eating at 1 or 2 o'clock and would not stop till fucking 2 in the morning.
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I'd be eating those pink dot sandwiches like they were nothing.
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Two meatball sandwiches at 12 o'clock because I wouldn't eat breakfast.
00:03:02.000
You're supposed to eat a smaller portion, you know what I'm saying?
00:03:08.000
And I could eat two egg yolks, a piece of wheat toast, and fruit, and I'm good.
00:03:29.000
When I was 4'18", between you and I, my wife, who's from the South, would make the whole packet of Oscar Mayer Center Cup bacon.
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With three eggs, a half a loaf of Wonder Bread, and butter, and a 16-ounce Coke, the boot.
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Remember, I grew up on the East Coast, and I caught a bad habit early on.
00:04:15.000
I used to open up with cream cheese and jelly on a poppy seed roll with a 16-ounce Coke for breakfast for years.
00:04:27.000
Nobody eats cream cheese and jelly for breakfast on a roll no more.
00:04:36.000
In Jersey, in those diners, they got those bran muffins.
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You go in there, you get those bran muffins, they put them on the grill with butter on them.
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Now, I go to Yum Yum Donuts, I got a bran muffin with raisins in it.
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And it's got no butter or nothing, but they cut them in half on the East Coast.
00:04:58.000
Now, how long have you been doing this Weight Watchers thing now?
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That's a good weight over that amount of time because it's gradual.
00:05:14.000
And the only week I missed my fitness goals, I have to have 72 points of activity.
00:05:29.000
It's an hour class, but I only put 30 minutes down to Muay Thai training.
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If we do circuit training with a ball and ropes and shit, then I put whatever the amount.
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If it's 8 stations or 30 seconds a station...
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When I had that fucking ear infection, I used to have to work out with earplugs on.
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And I'd get high and go throw sidekicks for Jesus.
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So when you had the ear infection, the earplugs kept your equilibrium in balance?
00:06:04.000
You don't know what life is when you're working out and you can hear your heartbeat.
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He's got an artificial valve and he puts the microphone up to his chest.
00:06:24.000
He's had it in there for, what did he say, like 18 years, I think?
00:06:27.000
Yeah, he had a heart attack a long-ass time ago.
00:06:33.000
Yeah, but if I was cleaning off weed for 29 days, I might as well go for it for at least a year.
00:06:42.000
Just make a comeback, just to see what it would be like.
00:06:46.000
I'll tell you one thing that did happen last year, when we did Sober October and I took a month off, when I started back again, I'd get nervous.
00:06:53.000
I'd get scared to do it, and I'd go on stage, I'd feel real strange.
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Somebody once told me, a great woman once told me that if you think getting high in life is weird, wait till you stop getting high.
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00:07:17.000
You know when you get home from the original room, dog.
00:07:21.000
It was one of those nights when I went in there and I was Rocky Balboa.
00:07:24.000
I just touched gloves and I measured and I just started going to the body for 15 minutes.
00:07:30.000
I remember driving up Laurel Canyon going, what am I going to do with myself?
00:07:36.000
It was 11.30 and I started smoking reefer to calm down a little bit.
00:07:46.000
And it just took me into a Prince fucking cave.
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I'm like, this is why I can't do Sober October.
00:07:59.000
Because I get so high at night to come down off the stage.
00:08:05.000
And since I don't drink, I'm scared to come up that hill drinking.
00:08:11.000
And music, that's the only thing that calms me down at night.
00:08:16.000
Yeah, I try to write about how lucky I am that I'm still performing at the store at 55. I write about that I ain't a bag of dicks, but I'll get them tomorrow night.
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00:08:27.000
Whatever just is flowing through my head while I have music on, I'm drinking a water, and I'm just, I'll go in the back and fucking toke a fucking 22 hits off a pipe.
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00:08:41.000
It's a thing to, like, when you get out of the store, it's a thing to sit yourself down and make yourself work and write.
00:08:58.000
Or maybe I said that and I shouldn't have said it.
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Is it because you did your stand-up, you got ramped up?
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Did the stand-up, played with the fucking kid, did a podcast, talked to people all day about shit that doesn't matter.
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I'll go home, and then I go to the coffee shop.
00:09:38.000
And for 30 minutes, I'll call my peeps in Jersey, check in, and then I'll get eggs at the coffee shop, bacon.
00:09:46.000
Once my breakfast is gone, I write my thought page down for the day.
00:09:53.000
And I either write a chapter in the book, I try to write towards the book, and while I'm writing the book...
00:10:08.000
But I forced myself, and with the iPad, you know, there's a whole thing on, there's a whole writing thing, so I could just turn that chapter off and go to another document and click on to post Netflix material.
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00:10:22.000
And then I got a thing that we're working on, Immigrant Mentality, so I think about that, I'll go to that.
00:10:29.000
I think just doing that exercise every day is good for me.
00:10:35.000
I'd rather just go down to the store, throw something out there, and fucking get excited.
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Like I told you, I'm not going anywhere else no more in Los Angeles.
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Especially after I shot the Netflix special and everything.
00:10:57.000
You ever go to an acting class and people refer to Stanislavski and all this shit?
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Ten years from now, people are going to be referring to the Mitzi Shaw technique.
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I know she said something to us at one point that we were like, wow, something.
00:11:16.000
I remember I was telling this on my podcast that there was a time she didn't like you doing that in a cold bit in the main room.
00:11:35.000
You can light yourself on fire in the original room.
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But in the main room, you can't do that because you're killing my room.
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Like, the comics afterward just could not follow it.
00:11:56.000
This one version that I did that's up on you, it's terrible.
00:12:04.000
But that bit was right when that guy died, J. Howard Marshall.
00:12:09.000
And it was all about him getting Anna Nicole Smith to do shit to him before he died.
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But father, she's trying to take your money.
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It was a crazy bit, but Mitzi didn't like it too because she didn't like bits that were making fun of old people.
00:12:26.000
Because, you know, her health was deteriorating too.
00:12:28.000
There was a couple of bits that she didn't like.
00:12:35.000
He's a million years old and she's hot as the sun and she's sitting on his lap.
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When Hugh Hefner told those, look at him, she's kissing him.
00:13:04.000
He's in a wheelchair while she's marrying him.
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That scene of him and her getting married.
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She's so young and so hot and he's so old and wrecked and rich as fuck in a wheelchair.
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If I had him call her at Kentucky Friday, if she wanted that money, she had to keep doing shit.
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And then that's, yeah, he's calling, Father, he's going.
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And he wakes up and he's like, it's time to lick my balls.
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I just love the fact that that guy was that wealthy, and yet still...
00:14:25.000
Anna Colesman's daughter is now the fourth richest woman in the U.S. It's what?
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Do you know out of the richest women in the world?
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Google the richest women in the world, like where they got their money from.
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Feminists do not want to hear this, but there was one woman who was the richest woman ever from a startup company.
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She started it herself, dropped out of college to start this company, and it was a total fraud.
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It was a blood testing company, and what it was was they just take a prick of your blood.
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Instead of taking a bunch of your blood, are you going to get your blood drawn?
00:15:49.000
Her thing was like, let's just be able to take a prick of the blood, Just a little tiny prick like you can go to a store, get a prick of your blood, and they're going to be able to do a battery test on you and find out what's going on.
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And they falsified all sorts of data and they lied to investors and all sorts of shit.
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This lady, she used to dress like Steve Jobs.
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00:16:17.000
Oh, they got you with the fucking pop-up ad.
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00:16:26.000
But she was at one point in time the richest self-made person in the world.
00:16:38.000
I watched a thing the other day on Crazy Eddie.
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Crazy Eddie was a guy that had stores in all five boroughs of New York.
00:17:25.000
He's going fucking crazy with fake snow in the background.
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He went to Israel to hide, to flee, but the most brilliant thing he did was, he took either, don't fucking check fact me on this, he took either his nephew, his son-in-law, somebody that he was related to through blood, put him through college,
00:17:53.000
So he could get a job at the IRS. So they could figure out how to rob from the IRS. This is how fucking insane this guy was.
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I'm watching this diet and how they got Crazy Eddie.
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Crazy Eddie fled after he started just buying boxes.
00:18:12.000
You know how you, remember years ago you'd be driving in New York and there was some guy selling stereo speakers?
00:18:18.000
And then you'd take him home and there was two bricks?
00:18:23.000
He took boxes, filled them up with bricks, and just stocked them in a warehouse, and then he went public.
00:18:30.000
So he got everybody to come down and look at all his inventory and all these fact checkers.
00:18:38.000
And he had, I mean, five fucking warehouses all around.
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And he fled for a while, but they knew he was a pussy hound.
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They got him like, you know, on the phone, like, I'm going to the store.
00:18:56.000
And what they did was they put a blonde on the side of the road with a miniskirt.
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00:19:01.000
And they knew eventually he would drive by and stop.
00:19:12.000
Did you Google the richest women in the world?
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He was the first one that pushed the commercial barrier.
00:19:34.000
Like Imus had the pimp with a bunch of his hoes that would go, did you hear what my man said this morning?
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He had Frankenstein, Dracula, and the Wolfman peeing at the men's urinal.
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I missed the Imus thing, because I came in, like, I remember, I found out about Imus because Howard Stern was talking shit about him.
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The fucking king of New York when I was eight, nine.
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Imus would come out in the morning and talk shit.
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When I saw him, he was wearing like a turquoise, one of those weird ties, those bolo ties that like cowboys were wearing.
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He had a fucking cowboy hat on and his whole studio was done like the West.
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But it was really, he was wearing cowboy boots and shit.
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It was definitely some of that, but he was trying to be outrageous even before Stern, I believe.
00:21:09.000
I never heard about him in New York, or in Boston, but I'd heard about Stern.
00:21:14.000
We all knew about Stern, but nobody really knew about it.
00:21:19.000
And then when I came to New York, it was at the end when Stern was already the king.
00:21:24.000
And Imus was just sort of this guy that he hated.
00:21:34.000
We'd see him in the studio, and it was, you know, no disrespect, but it was really fucking boring.
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Like, their opinions weren't that interesting.
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It was him, and then there was another guy there that looked like he was just waiting for the fucking buzzer to ring.
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He was waiting to go home, and then there was a woman that was with him.
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Like, if you watch the Stern show, there would be midgets shooting bottle rockets out of their assholes, and porn stars riding dildos, and it was chaos.
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00:22:02.000
There was plastic all over the ground because the girls would be squirting.
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00:22:07.000
Not that that's good or bad, but it was exciting.
00:22:11.000
You're driving to work in the morning, you're hearing some girl freaking out because she's riding on that Sibian thing he'd make girls ride on.
00:22:21.000
So you had never heard anything like that on the radio before.
00:22:27.000
And Imus is like, well, what do we got here this morning?
00:22:42.000
Fucking Flava Flav, the one time on Stern.
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If you listen to an old Artie one, when he had just gotten off the subway, he just shot heroin, God knows where.
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00:23:05.000
And he said like that they encouraged him, you know, but man...
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The problem with people that are that fucked up is the only thing that ever helps them is themselves.
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It's like they have to hit rock bottom and then they have to decide they're gonna do something about it.
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But when you do get a lot of love for being fucked up, that is kind of a problem.
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Because you do start to think This is my thing.
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The other guy, God rest his soul, had the same problem.
00:23:51.000
I remember there was a pizza parlor when I was a kid.
00:23:56.000
Even though he was Greek, we let it slide.
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He put the Sicilian by the window, and the flies would land on it.
00:24:03.000
It was like the airport for the flies that would land.
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But I remember I went down to Quaalude one night, fucked up to the gills.
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And every time he'd see me, he'd call me fucking Balushi.
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And there was another kid who had a beard, and he called him Ayatollah Khomeini.
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And when Belushi died, it really started bothering me.
00:24:43.000
I went in there one night on a quail and opened up the red pepper and threw it at him.
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Nick was the pizza parlor 50 yards from the high school.
00:24:58.000
And Nick used to, I used to give Nick jewelry and he would look at me and he would go, speak.
00:25:05.000
Because jewelry was 800 an ounce at that time, gold.
00:25:11.000
He would look at it and then take it, give me money, and put it in one of his pockets from his apron.
00:25:17.000
So two days later, I'd go in there and go, Nick, let me use your bathroom.
00:25:20.000
And I'd go in there and stick my hand in the apron and take the jewelry back.
00:25:24.000
And then a week later, I'd go back to him, Nick, how much for the ring?
00:25:30.000
Like, he would either call me Belushi or Spick to my face.
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There was a kid, you know, this is on Kennedy Boulevard.
00:25:41.000
And there was a kid that would come in there, and I'm still dear friends with, that his family had money.
00:25:46.000
And he would go in there and buy a slice of pizza.
00:25:49.000
But he would cross the street because the iced tea across the street was a dime cheaper.
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Remember when iced tea came in those fucking cardboard, milk cardboards?
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00:26:04.000
And we go, he went across the street to get the ice cream.
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He'd run from behind the counter, run on to Kennedy Boulevard.
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And he'd yell at the kid, Tony, you fucking Jew!
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You've got to be pretty cheap to run across the street for ten cents.
00:26:31.000
It was 45 cents for the iced tea, but at Hashways it was 35 cents.
00:26:37.000
Then the Hashways deli was great because the mother was losing her hair.
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So every time you got a sandwich, you get a little piece of hair in your food.
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You'd go, Ms. Hash, you didn't get any more hair today.
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She made the best roast beef on rye in the world.
00:27:03.000
And I learned from her son, like her son was losing his hair, but he couldn't control his emotions about it.
00:27:16.000
The hat, like he tried, but the hair just kept falling out.
00:27:29.000
And the dad had it, and the brother had it, and fucking everything you got there had a little piece of hair on it, dog.
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A dude losing his hair, it's fucking devastating.
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But a woman losing her hair, way more devastating.
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There's something about women losing their hair, it kills them.
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00:28:13.000
There's a singer, there's a popular singer in a band, and he's got alopecia.
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And I just saw that they busted him out 30 years later.
00:28:23.000
And I knew about him growing up, that he would just lose his hair, you know, from time to time.
00:28:28.000
Some guys lose their eyelashes, they lose everything.
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And I'm getting older, like my hairline is receding, but my eye line is getting bushier.
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Sometimes I'm driving at night and there's something in my vision.
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And I gotta go home and I gotta fucking chop an eyebrow.
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Yeah, fucking caterpillars growing out of their eyebrows.
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And I can hear the hair twisting in my fucking ear.
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I gotta bring scissors with me on the road to trim my...
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Because in your mirror at home, you don't see this shit.
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You get on the road with light in the hotel room.
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And you're like, look at this fucking hair growing out of my nose.
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00:29:34.000
Did you find about the women with the investments?
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00:29:44.000
Upper echelons of money and power, blah, blah, blah.
00:29:48.000
According to Forbes, the world's 15 wealthiest people are men.
00:29:52.000
Women only make up 10% of the top 100. Separate wealthiest women in the world, most of their money comes from their male relatives or husbands.
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The top 10 wealthiest men made their fortunes themselves.
00:30:12.000
The first self-made woman on the list is, wow, I don't know how to say this woman's name, Z-H-O-U, that's one word, Q-U-N-F-E-I, Zhu Kunfi, who was born to a poor family in China,
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dropped out of school at 16. She went on to found an enormously successful technology company.
00:30:36.000
But if you put men back into the equation, she's only 198th richest person in the world.
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No matter how you feel about the concept of few people hoarding enormous wealth, the notion that women can only access money and power through their families or husbands seems medieval at best.
00:30:52.000
Yet we see it occur at the very top of many professions outside of the business world.
00:31:02.000
Yeah, a recent high-profile example is Hillary Clinton.
00:31:06.000
During her presidential campaign, the first female major party nominee, she campaigned on a ticket of empowerment, yet although she is accomplished in her own right, she entered politics as the wife of Bill Clinton and has undoubtedly benefited from his prestige and connections.
00:31:21.000
Yeah, well, that's true, but she also was a lawyer.
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She was a lawyer and, you know, she was a senator.
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Now, Oprah's up there as the world's richest women, period, like, have made it on their own.
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00:31:34.000
That's a weird thing, because they're saying...
00:31:37.000
I'm not a big fan of Hillary Clinton, but by saying, she definitely entered because she was, you know, she was married to him, but she was a lawyer.
00:31:49.000
She's educated, accomplished, she was a senator.
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I hate when people say to them, you know what, you're at the right place at the right time, bitch.
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00:32:06.000
Yeah, she may be a little help, a push here, a call here, but she jumped.
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00:32:16.000
And it's all about what makes people successful and why they were successful.
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00:32:24.000
There's a lot of factors in when you were born.
00:32:27.000
Like a lot of it, he goes on about hockey players, about professional hockey players, that almost all of them were born at a certain time so that they were at the end of the age cutoff.
00:32:38.000
So like say if you're between 10 and 11 when you go into, what is that, 5th grade?
00:32:44.000
If you're one of the oldest kids, you have a way better chance of being successful at hockey because your body's more mature than whether you're one of the youngest kids that goes into sixth grade.
00:32:56.000
So whether you're fifth grade or sixth grade, what year you were born is a big factor.
00:33:02.000
So the kids that were born later, so that they're older, rather, the kids that are older when they enter into the fifth grade or sixth grade, they're, like, across the board, unanimously, all the top-level professionals were all older kids in younger grades.
00:33:20.000
So that they're playing against smaller kids, they get more time, they're better, so they get more coaching, they get more hours playing.
00:33:29.000
There's a lot of factors in like one of the things about Bill Gates that there was it's a there's a whole great chapter on Bill Gates and about when Bill Gates was young the the school that he went to had a computer class that allowed him to do coding and then he got into the University of Washington they would let him get into their their computer room from 3 a.m.
00:33:52.000
They had this open block so him and his friends would sneak into that place at three o'clock in the morning So all these different factors that lead to someone being super successful, it's not just that you work hard.
00:34:04.000
It's sometimes you get these weird advantages in life.
00:34:12.000
If you don't do nothing, You just sit around and woe is me and cry and think the world's fucked.
0.98
00:34:20.000
But the people that make it to the very top, the Bill Gates, the Steve Jobs, they have a bunch of things going for them.
00:34:28.000
It's also circumstance, fortune, where they are, who's around them, who encourages them.
00:34:36.000
And what time they were born, and what age they were when certain things happened in the world.
00:34:44.000
But for all those chicks, it's just marrying the right dude.
1.00
00:34:52.000
I know a lady who just got paid from a divorce, and she's just shooting shit into her face and banging 20-year-olds now.
1.00
00:35:02.000
She's in her late 40s, banging 20-year-old dudes.
1.00
00:35:16.000
I knew a guy who cut a check for somewhere in the neighborhood of $50 million.
00:35:24.000
I know a guy who cuts a check for 30 grand a month, G. 30 grand a month.
00:35:34.000
And that was not beside the half million up front.
00:35:44.000
I know a guy who's paying close to that, and he hasn't even seen his wife.
00:35:48.000
He's been married to a new woman, a different woman, for 14 years.
00:35:57.000
And he was only married to that lady for 12. And he's still cutting her checks.
00:36:21.000
He fucked her so hard she can't work anymore.
1.00
00:36:27.000
If it was a man, if the situation was reversed, and a guy was dating a girl, and they were dating for 12 years, and she was like, I'm tired of this, I'm gonna go fuck some new dude, and the guy took her to court, got money from her, and wanted money still, 14 years later, what kind of a fucking man would that be?
0.99
00:36:50.000
You met another human being, you spent some time with them, they don't want to be with you anymore, it's over!
00:36:58.000
What do you tell the judge that you want your lifestyle?
00:37:09.000
Now, in California, there's different factors also.
00:37:12.000
You have to be with that person for 10 years or something, right?
00:37:15.000
There's little factors in a couple of by-the-ways.
00:37:18.000
There's factors, and they change depending upon the laws, and they change depending upon how much money you make.
00:37:27.000
But the guy who I know had to pay $50 million, he's real successful, obviously.
00:37:32.000
I mean, you've got to make a lot of money to give your wife $50 million, but he still had to give her $50 million.
00:37:40.000
I see the child support point, and I see a little bit of help.
00:37:49.000
Madonna's divorce from Guy Ritchie estimated $76 to $92 million.
00:37:57.000
I mean, she's the first woman listed first on this.
1.00
00:38:05.000
Now I know how you buy those suits, motherfucker.
0.99
00:38:12.000
Michael Jordan's divorce from Juanita Jordan, $168 million.
00:38:43.000
Rupert Murdoch's divorce in 1999 after 31 years of marriage, 1.7 billion!
00:38:56.000
Whoa, Harrison Ford had to give up the cheddar.
00:39:03.000
That girl was an actress, and she fucking vanished.
1.00
00:39:15.000
That's the chick that was missing the leg, right?
1.00
00:39:25.000
Mick Jagger, 15 million, 25 million, he got off light.
0.99
00:39:29.000
Bro, Mick Jagger, because remember, he fucking married in Jamaica, and it was like a Puerto Rican priest on his day off, so he knew it going in, because Mick Jagger ain't giving you dick.
0.99
00:39:54.000
That guy, before he was in the Stones, Jamie, what's the school he went to?
0.99
00:40:02.000
He went to the School of Wales or something for business.
00:40:08.000
For the last 15 years, he's just been impregnating women all over the country and cutting them a check and saying, you know...
00:40:21.000
There's stories that you hear that you're like, no, he didn't.
00:40:33.000
Joe Rogan, do you ever see any of his rehearsal things?
00:40:40.000
Do you see any of the videos that he does of him working out in the afternoons at 72 years old?
00:40:52.000
And I still remember one particular story when he got to Boulder.
00:40:55.000
They played with the Boulder Buffalo where the college plays.
00:40:59.000
And he walked in and he goes, what's wrong with those seats?
00:41:02.000
And they were like, well, Mr. Jagger, they're behind the stage.
0.99
00:41:08.000
Because I ain't taking the stage until those motherfuckers are sold out.
1.00
00:41:22.000
And that was back before they had those giant screens.
00:41:31.000
They didn't have those big LCDs where you could see them.
0.99
00:41:33.000
Like, if you go see, say, Drake, and he's at a theater in a round, and you see his butt, you're going to see his face on giant screens all around you.
00:41:45.000
You go to see a real popular person, and a lot of people are playing in the round, you know?
00:41:53.000
I don't think he's like very tight watches Giedis.
00:42:20.000
Not with what he's got, because he could just lay there all day and have young girls massage him.
0.84
00:42:27.000
They could just blow on his little nutsack and sing fucking...
1.00
00:42:30.000
He's probably getting blood transfusions every day.
1.00
00:42:38.000
And just to think that Keith Richards is still alive and ticking, and there's people out there doing CrossFit.
00:42:44.000
And didn't Keith Richards write a book where he's kind of shitty about Mick Jagger?
00:42:51.000
They kind of talk shit about each other, right?
1.00
00:42:56.000
Mick Jagger probably called him and said, do this this way.
00:43:03.000
And when I watch those little rehearsal tapes...
00:43:16.000
Every knuckle is swollen to the point, it's like double the size.
00:43:36.000
But her dad, Megaton Diaz, a jujitsu legend, all his life he's done the gi.
00:43:42.000
Guys who do the gi all the time, they develop real bad arthritis in their hands.
00:44:12.000
But you see how fucking flamed out those knuckles are?
0.97
00:44:16.000
Guys have done the gi their whole life, and they're always grabbing and holding on to that gi.
0.98
00:44:26.000
But that's what Keith Richards' fingers look like.
00:44:29.000
Like, he's secretly doing jiu-jitsu on the slide.
00:44:39.000
Meanwhile, he looks just as good as Mick Jagger.
00:44:42.000
He's doing blow every day, eating cockroaches, smoking cigarettes.
00:44:48.000
I think Mick Jagger looks fucking sensational.
0.92
00:44:53.000
If you look at the two of them in the face, make that picture bigger, Jamie.
00:45:00.000
It's hard to tell because Keith Richards is smiling.
00:45:03.000
I would love to see Mick Jagger still pull 21-year-olds out of the audience.
0.99
00:45:08.000
I bet they feel so weird when he fucks them.
0.95
00:45:13.000
If I was a girl, I was 20 years old, I would fuck Mick Jagger just for the story.
1.00
00:45:18.000
But when he climbs on top of you and you smell death, you smell it coming out of his pores.
1.00
00:45:31.000
You smell misfiring cells all over the place.
1.00
00:45:34.000
Listen, when we were growing up, bro, 70-year-old people didn't look like that.
00:45:42.000
That's something that you have to, and this is a new thing.
00:45:48.000
First of all, all these bands that are going out, how about somebody called me the other day, and they're like, hey, man, I'm thinking of doing something New Year's Eve downtown.
00:46:00.000
You know I hate New Year's Eve, and I hate downtown even more.
0.97
00:46:12.000
The only forum I fucking know in LA. In Inglewood?
0.98
00:46:15.000
Yeah, with Rob Zombie and Marilyn Manson and fucking just...
0.98
00:46:20.000
And I'm sitting there going, 70 years old, and he's doing New Year's Eve.
1.00
00:46:41.000
They connect his ankles together with rubber bands so he can't make big steps.
00:47:16.000
I don't know how I felt about Sylvester Stallone.
00:47:21.000
Then I went to your house that time, and your wife was goofing on you, and she's like, I think he's in love with Sylvester Stallone.
00:47:27.000
I hear you say, Sylvester Stallone's a canary in a coal mine.
00:47:31.000
You had a picture of his phone when he was 65. Jacked.
0.94
00:47:38.000
And then I was on a plane, and I said, let me watch this Creed.
0.99
00:47:44.000
Because I'm like, this guy has got no respect for years.
0.99
00:47:48.000
You look at him now, people goofed on him and shit.
0.99
00:48:03.000
Like, this guy wrote a fucking two or three franchises.
0.98
00:48:09.000
This guy started, like, the other day they had some things about facts about a guy.
0.99
00:48:18.000
He had to do all this shit for him to make Rocky.
1.00
00:48:33.000
When I saw that commercial for the first one with Creed, I was like, I'm not watching this shit.
1.00
00:48:38.000
And then AMC lately, every Sunday or something, they throw a Rocky on and you say, what the fuck?
1.00
00:48:45.000
I got 10 minutes before World News Tonight.
0.98
00:48:48.000
And you start watching it and you see the brilliance.
00:48:56.000
Whether it's cheesy with three, when he gets beat up, and Apollo Creed takes him to the ghetto, and makes some looking brothers, and they teach him how to...
00:49:07.000
And then Creed, that kid, by the way, is a badass motherfucker.
0.99
00:49:19.000
But this now, like, and you look at it and you're like, like me and you at the store behind it, like you would say to me, really, Joe Diaz?
0.98
00:49:29.000
I could have wrote that idea on a fucking...
1.00
00:49:44.000
What's crazy is that franchise started in the 70s.
00:49:50.000
I remember I watched it when I was a little kid.
00:49:53.000
I drank raw eggs and I ran around the block.
0.99
00:49:57.000
Like I just listened to a David Goggins fucking motivational speech.
0.99
00:50:01.000
I just, I read about this when they first started shooting this.
0.99
00:50:05.000
He told them to hit him for real and he put him in the ICU for nine days.
00:50:15.000
Dolph Lundgren was a legit Kyokushin karate champion.
1.00
00:50:23.000
Like, you know, he did a bunch of those crazy action movies and he played the Punisher and all that stuff.
0.99
00:50:37.000
Lundgren put me in the hospital during Rocky IV. LAUGHTER Why would he let him hit him?
00:50:44.000
Antonio Tarver knocked Sylvester Stallone out when he was doing that movie where he was still boxing.
00:50:52.000
Just a few years ago, he was in his fucking 60s, and he was boxing in one of those movies.
0.97
00:50:58.000
He fought Antonio Tarver, Magic Man Tarver, who's a heavyweight champion, light heavyweight champion, knocked out Roy Jones Jr. Remember when he stood in front of Roy Jones?
0.98
00:51:11.000
Antonio Tarver is a bad motherfucker, and apparently when they were doing scenes in a movie, he clipped him and KO'd him.
0.99
00:51:21.000
He said he, for the first 45 seconds, he tried to really knock him out.
00:51:24.000
He hit him so hard his chest started, or his heart started to swell, his blood pressure went up.
00:51:29.000
Had to go back on an emergency jet to America, and he was in ICU for five days.
00:51:39.000
He says, now I'm intensive care for five days with nuns walking around.
1.00
00:51:43.000
Insurance company would not pay out after they saw the footage of the incident.
00:51:48.000
He hit my heart so hard, it banged against my ribs and started to swell.
00:52:00.000
Sloan also talks about why he hated Lundgren from the get-go.
0.92
00:52:05.000
Probably because he's a big handsome fellow from fucking Norway or where the hell he's from.
1.00
00:52:17.000
He's like Alistair Gustafson's cousin or something.
00:52:23.000
I didn't know that he was a Kyokushin guy.
0.99
00:52:41.000
I think Masayama's Kyokushin, I'm pretty sure.
1.00
00:52:45.000
They're really hard-hitting motherfuckers.
1.00
00:52:51.000
What they do in the tournaments, Kyokushin tournaments, they'd punch to the body full blast, but kick to the legs, the head, the body, and they'd stand right in front of each other and beat the fuck out of each other.
0.93
00:53:05.000
Taekwondo was a lot of kicks and punches only to the body too, but Kyokushin, they threw leg kicks in there and there wasn't a lot of footwork with most of those guys.
00:53:17.000
Most of those guys stood in front of each other and battered each other.
00:53:20.000
But a lot of Kyokushin guys went on to be really successful in kickboxing.
00:53:25.000
In fact, a lot of the Holland influence in kickboxing came from a Kyokushin background.
00:53:32.000
Like, they started out with Kyokushin and kickboxing, and then they learned Thai techniques as well.
00:53:39.000
But a lot of those guys had an influence of Kyokushin karate.
00:53:45.000
When I first started in martial arts, the big thing was the sweep.
00:53:52.000
You faked two high kicks, and even if it was a spinning back kick, the third one was a sweep, and that motherfucker was gone.
1.00
00:54:01.000
I used to go to all those karate tournaments, and that was my shit.
1.00
00:54:05.000
I throw two high spinning back kicks at you.
0.99
00:54:11.000
Oh, they still do in MMA. In Muay Thai, it's big.
00:54:13.000
A little bit in MMA, but not as much as I'd expect.
00:54:20.000
If you set them up, a good old-fashioned sweep.
0.99
00:54:24.000
Has that little sweep the leg, push your back, you know, your boy here.
00:54:34.000
All those wrestlers have that little sweep.
1.00
00:54:38.000
But I'm talking about from the fighter's position to just come into you with a sweep and throw your legs out from under you.
00:54:50.000
And instead of the elbow coming around, your leg comes around and sweeps that guy off his feet.
00:54:55.000
He lands on his back and you attack what you left.
00:54:58.000
There's still some guys that are really good at sweeps.
00:55:00.000
The thing about MMA is just there's so many different things going on.
00:55:03.000
But in Muay Thai, sweeps are huge in Muay Thai.
00:55:08.000
You know, that's why I got, like, Gaston Volanos, who fights in Bellator, he's so high-level in Muay Thai, and now he's getting into MMA. He's fucking guys up, not just with sweeps, spinning elbows, all sorts of shit.
0.96
00:55:21.000
His level of Muay Thai, like, Muay Thai involves a lot of grappling, a lot of weird stuff.
0.99
00:55:27.000
I remember listening to Kenny Florian one time, and he goes that...
00:55:31.000
You know, Muay Thai even has a couple aspects from Jiu Jitsu in it, I guess.
00:55:43.000
There's a lot of clinch work, and those guys develop really strong cores and necks.
00:55:47.000
They grab each other by the back of the neck and they're moving each other around, sweeping each other all the time.
00:55:52.000
There's so much involved in framing with your forearms and sweeping the legs out and twisting and changing angles.
00:56:02.000
When you learn the other aspects of wrestling, when you learn takedowns and control, and then when you learn jujitsu and all these other...
00:56:10.000
Having that background from the clinch from Muay Thai is so gigantic because...
00:56:21.000
You wrestled in high school, G? I wrestled one year in high school.
00:56:25.000
Because I was still doing Taekwondo at the time.
00:56:27.000
And I had to figure out what was more important to me.
00:56:38.000
He used to have that fucking weight room down to like 190. They were doing Hatha yoga before Hatha yoga was invented.
0.99
00:56:45.000
That room stunk and it was hotter than death than that.
00:56:48.000
I was always thinking there was asbestos coming off the ceiling too.
00:56:57.000
All those fucking schools had asbestos in it.
1.00
00:57:08.000
I went to the park yesterday with my daughter, and there was a lady next to me, and she asked me where I was from.
00:57:13.000
And she goes, her father was from Brooklyn, and we started talking.
00:57:18.000
And the two-year-old got caught on one of the monkey bars, and the father had to go over and help her.
00:57:23.000
And she goes, I remember going up to my father's neighborhood and seeing his play yard.
00:57:29.000
And I go, I still remember coming from Cuba and doing that, you know, monkey bars.
1.00
00:57:33.000
But then you get so good that you put your legs up and you hang by your knees.
00:57:38.000
And one day, bro, I didn't hang right, and I landed on that concrete.
00:57:57.000
I don't fuck around with monkey bars at all, dog.
0.99
00:58:05.000
Another kid in my daughter's class broke her arm in a monkey bar.
00:58:17.000
Monkey bars are fucking dangerous because you don't have the hand strength yet.
0.99
00:58:21.000
You're six years old, so you're grabbing a hold of bars and you're swinging.
0.99
00:58:24.000
You just don't really have the dexterity of the hand strength and it slips and you fall back and you post and snap.
00:58:31.000
You gotta see my daughter on that monkey bar.
1.00
00:58:50.000
It's really weird because of the Kavanaugh situation.
1.00
00:58:54.000
And the Harvey Weinstein situation, you're a dad, I'm a dad.
00:58:58.000
It's different than how you gotta raise your daughter now.
00:59:02.000
The Kavanaugh thing was pissing me off for a few weeks.
00:59:05.000
Because I don't like the idea that they could come back to you for something you did in high school.
00:59:13.000
Unless I fucked you in the ass in high school and covered your mouth.
1.00
00:59:28.000
I know for a fact I've known you for 20, and I've seen you sweeten up over the years.
00:59:35.000
You're not the same Joe Rogan I met 20 years ago.
00:59:38.000
I'm definitely not the same guy I was in high school, that's for sure.
00:59:42.000
But he was a guy that was hanging around with a bunch of drunk jocks.
00:59:48.000
And that environment, that sort of environment of being around a bunch of drunk guys who were constantly one-upping each other, That's a sketchy fucking environment.
0.99
01:00:03.000
That's when I thought, you know, those guys are rich coin kids, though.
01:00:06.000
You know what happens when they get a little bit of money.
01:00:10.000
Everything's been covered up all their lives, you know.
01:00:16.000
And on Friday nights they get in the car and they drive it to like fucking Connecticut and tell her she had to suck all their dicks to get home.
1.00
01:00:25.000
Last time I saw it was 1993 getting coke in a building in Harlem.
01:00:33.000
I'm like, listen, bitch, I'm walking to my car.
1.00
01:00:39.000
I swear to God, I bumped into her in a cop house on 181st Street, 10 years after high school.
0.99
01:00:48.000
I'm in the fucking fourth floor with some Dominicans.
1.00
01:00:50.000
I'm walking down the stairs and there's Mindy Ed.
0.98
01:00:54.000
The same thing you're fucking doing here, obviously.
0.98
01:00:58.000
What's fucked up is for some people, their experiences in high school define them.
0.99
01:01:03.000
I just watched that Stephen King movie, It.
0.96
01:01:11.000
But one of the things that I was thinking when I was watching it was like, how fucking mean kids are in school to each other.
0.99
01:01:21.000
And then you watch one of those movies about people being mean to people and you're like, oh yeah, I remember.
01:01:27.000
Going around to get away from a guy that was picking on me, that was fucking with me, and you would be scared of running into him at the bus stop and scared of seeing him after school.
01:01:37.000
That's how I got into martial arts in the first place.
0.91
01:01:43.000
I was in martial arts and I was still fucking scared.
0.97
01:01:47.000
The funniest thing about the movie it was that they fuck with clowns.
0.99
01:01:51.000
So, two months later, a bunch of clowns got together and went on strike.
0.99
01:01:59.000
What do you call it when people get together and they fucking have signs?
0.98
01:02:06.000
In 2017. Whenever that movie was released, a month later, two months later, a bunch of clowns in the California area got together downtown and picketed...
01:02:15.000
Stephen King because they were losing work as clowns.
0.78
01:02:22.000
They lost all their clown season work or some shit.
0.99
01:02:29.000
I remember, I was like, man, how are they going to make a movie out of this?
01:02:32.000
And they made a movie out of it way back in the day with John Boy from the Waltons.
01:02:40.000
I watched it the other night on TV. Just flipping through the channels, it was on.
01:02:44.000
And it was after, a couple days after I'd seen the most recent version of it.
01:02:56.000
How many versions of that It movie did they make?
01:03:04.000
The first one was the first one with Tim, the guy from the Rocky Horror Picture Show?
0.94
01:03:18.000
I mean, not even remotely, but the new one was pretty fucking scary.
1.00
01:03:21.000
Well, Stephen King, dog, is a fucking crazy motherfucker.
1.00
01:03:31.000
They contacted him, like, we want you to be on Sons of Anarchy.
01:03:34.000
He's like, listen, the only way I'll be on Sons of Anarchy is if I could ride my motorcycle.
01:03:45.000
If I go on Sons of Anarchy, I gotta ride my motorcycle.
01:03:48.000
So he played a creepy guy that makes you disappear after they kill you.
01:03:55.000
Like, you're on the floor dead, and he'd walk in, measure you, and tell you what he needs.
01:04:00.000
I need a rope, I need some gasoline, I need a car.
01:04:16.000
If you only have six, he'll look around the room.
01:04:30.000
You know, the crazy thing about him was his battle coming back from getting hit by that guy in a car.
01:04:41.000
He was walking and some guy wasn't paying attention and fucking hit him in his car and just destroyed his body.
0.99
01:04:50.000
I mean, he was fucked up for a long, long time.
1.00
01:05:01.000
When I read that, I think you turned me on to it.
01:05:04.000
When I read that chapter on Carrie, how he had written half of Carrie and threw it away.
01:05:22.000
Carrie and Cujo are my favorite Stephen King books.
01:05:32.000
I just look at it and touch it from time to time and I go, ooh, I don't know if I want to get into that thing.
01:05:38.000
You know, it's a great book that they did, like, the movie version of it, it's just like, eh, was Pet Sematary.
01:05:48.000
You know, I hate the cliche that books are better.
01:05:52.000
But what is interesting about books is there are certain things that you shouldn't really see.
01:06:01.000
Like, they work out better in your imagination.
01:06:05.000
Like, there's something much creepier about them in your imagination.
01:06:11.000
You were right about something creepy you've done.
01:06:14.000
Whenever I have a hard time sleeping or something like that, something's going on with me.
01:06:18.000
So instead of sitting in bed and having what's called insomnia, I get up and I write it up.
01:06:23.000
When you read that back, it's like when I write about something I did as a kid, whether it's robbing Freddy at Putnam Fuel.
01:06:30.000
When I was a kid, I used to rob this gas station every eight weeks.
01:06:33.000
And when I was in West Palm Beach, a kid showed up.
01:06:40.000
When I was in West Palm Beach, and he goes, I will have something.
01:06:47.000
We're about to rob a gas station in 1981. He still had the map of me with stick men.
0.78
01:06:53.000
We would rob this gas station every six to eight weeks.
01:06:57.000
Stick men coming from the left, all coming from the north.
0.99
01:07:00.000
I don't even know what the fuck the point I'm trying to make was.
0.98
01:07:06.000
Even when I write about that and you read them, it's different.
1.00
01:07:13.000
To build imagination, that's why when you read Silence of the Lambs and you watch the movie, you got to get everybody in that room and give them a big hug.
0.93
01:07:24.000
When you read William Blakely's The Exorcist, and then The Exorcist has been on for the last two weeks on AMC, and I've been watching bits and pieces of it, and I can't applaud it more.
0.97
01:07:35.000
You know who's fucking great in that movie?
0.97
01:08:07.000
She goes, I'm going to be home in 20 minutes with the baby.
01:08:13.000
So I went out to the living room and I turned the TV on just to be out there because I know she's going to want to watch cartoons or whatever.
01:08:20.000
And I saw the exorcisms and I turned it on.
1.00
01:08:22.000
And dog, it came on when the priest comes to the door, which if I ever bump into that director, I will take his dick out and suck it.
1.00
01:08:37.000
Remember, when the priest comes to the door, all you see is an image from the priest, and you don't see what his face looked like, and it scares you.
1.00
01:08:45.000
But when he walks in, he takes this motherfucker...
0.99
01:08:48.000
And the guy says to him, can I get you something?
1.00
01:09:02.000
Not only is he a priest, and he starts dropping psycho, and the priest looks at him and goes, knock it off.
0.98
01:09:10.000
He'll attack your psychological like nobody else.
01:09:16.000
And then the guy says to him, do you want to know the three levels of manifestation?
01:09:34.000
The five-year-old walks in, and she sits on my lap, and she's a Bible beater.
01:09:38.000
I don't know if you know this, that Mercy's a Bible beater.
1.00
01:09:41.000
She loves anything with God, and, you know, I got a little fucking thing she gave me with Jesus, a fish.
0.99
01:09:47.000
Yeah, Mercy, my daughter, is a Bible beater.
0.99
01:09:49.000
Even though she goes to fucking public school, she'll come home and tell me, they didn't talk about God today.
0.98
01:09:54.000
So she's watching this whole manifestation of these two priests talking about God is powerful, God's gonna kill Satan, da-da-da-da-da-da-da, and all of a sudden they walk into the room and she's sitting up and she's like...
0.99
01:10:11.000
My daughter caught, it took her like 30 seconds to just look at me and she just ran out of the room.
0.99
01:10:23.000
This is one of the scariest movies, one of the finest movies.
01:10:34.000
And what about when they walk back in and he's a doctor, so he's checking her heart.
01:10:39.000
And she turns into the mother in the hospital and starts saying, DM me, why you do this to me?
0.87
01:10:45.000
And the priest told him, don't listen to him, that the devil's cunning.
01:10:50.000
You know, and all of a sudden, what about when he comes in and he goes, Father, how about sparing five cents for an old altar boy?
01:10:58.000
And while all this is going on, you have to remember that there's a murder going on.
1.00
01:11:04.000
Because the first night when she came down, before the devil came in, some guy was talking shit, a Nazi was talking shit, a Jewish guy was talking shit about a Nazi or something.
1.00
01:11:13.000
And she comes down and pees and says, you're going to die, motherfucker.
1.00
01:11:19.000
Well, she said you're going to die up there to an astronaut, wasn't it?
1.00
01:11:29.000
They were in the living room and they were singing like a...
01:11:31.000
Yeah, but she was talking to a guy who was an astronaut.
01:11:39.000
And then a couple nights later, they found the guy on the bottom of the stairs, but it couldn't have been a girl because they twisted his neck all the way around.
01:11:48.000
And that's why you have to watch that movie when the cop comes to talk to her mother, who's a famous actress.
1.00
01:11:55.000
Like, the last time I watched it was like five or six years ago.
01:12:02.000
That girl got fucked up doing that movie, you know.
1.00
01:12:05.000
Bro, listen, how can they make a 12-year-old girl stick across in her pussy?
1.00
01:12:12.000
She stuck across in her pussy, took it out...
1.00
01:12:15.000
Grabbed her mother by the ears, put her, and said, suck it!
1.00
01:12:21.000
Alright, and then picked her up and smacks her and throws her across the fucking room.
1.00
01:12:25.000
She says, your mother sucks cocks in hell.
1.00
01:12:33.000
If I could sue the Union City Cinema today, I would sue them.
01:12:37.000
Because they didn't check my ID. They didn't give a fuck.
1.00
01:12:40.000
They took my $2 and they threw me to the fucking walls.
1.00
01:12:56.000
I wonder what Linda Blair is doing for that.
1.00
01:12:58.000
But I hope they paid her a lot of money because she never really recovered from that.
01:13:04.000
It's tough to get work after you put a cross in your pussy.
1.00
01:13:10.000
It's tough to get a commercial for fucking Destiny X. Yeah, well, it's also people never forget you were that person.
0.88
01:13:17.000
Like, it's very difficult for people to have a changed perception of you.
0.96
01:13:23.000
What about when her head spins around in front of the priest?
01:13:30.000
They think of remaking that every once in a while, and they look at each other.
01:13:42.000
And you gotta realize that back then, there was nothing like this before this movie.
0.99
01:13:51.000
Like, there had been horror movies before, but it was like Frankenstein or Dracula.
01:14:04.000
And a lot of people at the time were like, the movie represented something.
01:14:12.000
These young kids, these people today, like, what the fuck are they doing?
0.99
01:14:29.000
I was right there when the movie got released and I had to see it.
01:14:34.000
As soon as they tell you you can't see it, you're gonna see it.
01:14:41.000
Where everybody was on their feet, yelling for Rocky.
01:14:48.000
And I also saw The Longest Yard there, the original.
01:14:51.000
And this was a movie theater that was basically Irish, Italian, and Cuban.
01:15:01.000
You know, they threw things at the screen.
0.94
01:15:04.000
And when the fucking Longest Yard, when Burt Reynolds was coming back, the whole place was on their feet.
0.96
01:15:16.000
1130. You know how many times I saw Enter the Dragon in there?
01:15:37.000
I'd just go there as a Spanish kid and watch it and learn the language.
01:15:42.000
They had limitations in what they could do with special effects, and so because of that, you had to accomplish much more, even with American Werewolf in London, right?
01:16:05.000
The special effects, even though they were groundbreaking for the time, like when he's lying down on the floor and his body's stretching out, he's like, and he's turning into the wolf like that shit when his face is stretching out.
01:16:17.000
I mean, those are groundbreaking special effects.
0.53
01:16:25.000
It's watching a movie now and 30% of it, 40% of it is CGI. Yeah, well that's what I was gonna say.
01:16:39.000
The vampire and the lichens versus the vampire.
01:16:50.000
I fell in love with her with the movie when she got caught with heroin with Claire Danes at the jail in Thailand.
01:17:00.000
Kate Beckinsale, something, they both fell in love with the same guy and he put heroin on him and he put him in a prison.
01:17:07.000
So I was flipping through the channels while I was working out.
01:17:12.000
When I was doing that, I'm doing this fucking fitness channel, this fitness challenge with Ari and Bert and Tom, and I'm just watching anything I can on TV while I'm on the elliptical machine or the rower or whatever the fuck I'm doing, and I was watching one of the underworld movies,
0.90
01:17:30.000
I mean, how many fucking underworld world movies has there been?
0.95
01:17:42.000
The fucking one that I saw, I mean, it was like deep in.
1.00
01:17:46.000
She has a daughter now, and there's five of them.
0.99
01:17:56.000
And after that it got a little out of control for me.
01:18:01.000
But anyway, the CGI, the werewolves, are so corny.
0.98
01:18:07.000
And the thing about an American werewolf in London is they showed you little quick snippets of the thing before it would kill people.
01:18:23.000
And that was something that Pat McGee, the guy who made that werewolf out there in the lobby...
01:18:30.000
He's like, when you see, your brain can tell that's not real.
01:18:34.000
Even if it looks really good, your brain can tell it's not real.
01:18:38.000
He's like, if your brain sees special effects like makeup, like that kind of stuff, like a face that's been done with prosthetics and teeth and fangs, your brain says, oh, that's a real thing.
01:19:00.000
But pull up scene from American Werewolf in London.
01:19:13.000
Like you see it running through the streets of London.
01:19:17.000
Like in that one, that's in the beginning when they first got jacked by the wolf.
01:20:30.000
The thing that pisses me off the most is, in today's, the whole movie business, I grew up on the movies.
1.00
01:20:39.000
Remember when they have Tony Montana in the fucking detention thing, and he goes, how'd you learn how to speak Spanish and English?
0.97
01:20:45.000
He goes, I watched a movie circle, and he's like, bro, Cubans, anybody.
01:20:50.000
He learned from watching TV. Everybody, everybody.
01:20:52.000
So you watch TV. The problem that happens somewhere...
01:20:56.000
Between 85, maybe 87 and today, is the disconnect of the director.
01:21:04.000
And you're asking me, Joey, what's the disconnect of the director?
01:21:13.000
I almost called you because it was so interesting about the dilemmas they had with Scarface when they gave it an X rating.
01:21:24.000
Pacino said that at the release, at the party of Scarface.
01:21:30.000
People were getting up and leaving 20 at a bunch.
01:21:33.000
They took Joan Collins aside, and they said to Joan Collins, what did you think of the movie?
01:21:40.000
No, she goes, I think 100 fucks is enough fucks for a person's lifetime.
1.00
01:21:53.000
They counted how many fucks he said and all this stuff, but that's not my point.
0.98
01:22:02.000
The guy that directed it had to go in front of a board.
01:22:14.000
Then you seeing it, and then seeing your face, and you follow me?
01:22:34.000
The director brought violent specialists, psychiatrists.
01:22:40.000
They were there all fucking day to prove his point, to take it from an X-rated movie to an R-rated movie.
0.91
01:22:46.000
When you watch Once Upon a Time in the West, Sergio Leone was the king of the directors because he gave you the decision to decide.
0.97
01:22:58.000
He gave it to you when Charles Bronson gets off the train, the beginning of Once Upon a Time in America.
01:23:05.000
And there's three dudes waiting and the train goes by and all of a sudden it stops.
01:23:26.000
He keeps showing you this fucking thing that keeps going...
1.00
01:23:39.000
They gave you a split second to decide what was going to happen.
01:23:51.000
That's why Sergio Leone, those guys, those spaghetti westerns, were genius.
01:24:05.000
That scene, I could have put it in his arm or showed Pacino's face.
01:24:12.000
Is that the one where he's a ghost and he comes back and paints it?
01:24:20.000
I'm thinking about the one where he comes back as a ghost.
01:24:31.000
What's the one where he has the shield underneath and he knows they only shoot for the heart?
01:24:36.000
And they keep shooting at him and he falls down.
01:24:42.000
Jamie, Google Clint Eastwood comes back as a ghost.
01:24:47.000
It just isn't in the description for some reason.
01:24:53.000
The thing about that movie is like you don't realize, it's like they don't spell it out for the dummies that he's a ghost.
01:25:04.000
Like, you have to figure it out at the end of the movie, if I remember correctly.
01:25:09.000
But at the end of the film, they sort of lay it out in the beginning.
01:25:17.000
I feel like the beginning of the movie is them beating him and killing him.
0.97
01:25:22.000
At the end of the movie, you kind of realize it's him coming back towards the end of the movie.
0.65
01:25:28.000
But it's not like specifically spelled out like there was a curse and he came back to hunt this town and kill everyone.
01:25:38.000
So if you go back to like the older movies, you go back to like...
01:25:43.000
You know, like a Frankenstein or a Dracula type film.
01:25:57.000
And then somewhere along the line, at least with modern blockbusters...
01:26:03.000
If I had to guess, I would say part of the problem is there's so much money involved in these movies.
01:26:10.000
If you're going to make a film and it's some gigantic thing with special effects and the studio is dumping hundreds of millions of dollars into it, they want a return on their money.
01:26:25.000
I think Johnny Depp was just, I don't know, kicked off isn't the right word, but he's not going to be in the next Pirates movie, I guess.
01:26:30.000
And they were discussing in the comments section, the last one was the worst one of the lot.
01:26:37.000
And they spent $330 million on the budget, but it made $800 million.
01:26:58.000
Whenever you get like two tattoos of a woman you've only been married to for like six months, These are all bad signs.
01:27:05.000
Joe Rogan, this is a very rough town to live.
1.00
01:27:11.000
People blowing smoke up your ass is a motherfucker.
1.00
01:27:14.000
I mean, this guy's spending half a million dollars a month on wines.
01:27:20.000
Don't quote me on that, but I know that when the account...
01:27:25.000
The accountant said that he was spending $30,000, and he goes, it was a lot more than that.
01:27:49.000
But, look, these, like, fucking inspirational quotes you expect to see on some stripper's Instagram page, you're not supposed to be wearing those when you're Johnny Depp, okay?
0.99
01:28:02.000
And I heard that this last movie he did, Mucho Probabilis.
01:28:28.000
He plays the cop, and I heard that there was a lot of little...
01:28:34.000
You know, Johnny Depp at one point in time, when he had done that movie Dead Man, do you remember Dead Man?
01:28:41.000
It was a weird black and white movie about a guy who was riding a fucking train across the west.
0.68
01:28:48.000
He was talking in an interview about how he wants to do interesting projects.
0.95
01:28:56.000
But he's badass in Pirates of the Caribbean.
0.99
01:29:17.000
Oh, these fucking motherfuckers with their...
1.00
01:29:19.000
Everybody thinks you're gonna spend money on their website.
1.00
01:29:24.000
We're not paying to read your fucking website.
0.99
01:29:31.000
And Biggie Tupac movie abruptly pulled from release.
01:29:36.000
Like a month before it was supposed to come out, they just pulled it.
01:29:47.000
And he's like, he said that once he did those Pirates movies, he couldn't go anywhere.
01:29:57.000
He hit that upper echelon of fame where it's almost there's no turning back.
01:30:02.000
You know, you get like Michael Jackson type frame.
01:30:12.000
He was making like 30 million a movie with back end and everything.
01:30:18.000
Yeah, he's got like 18 houses, a boat that costs 30,000.
01:30:24.000
I remember when I was in Colorado, someone said he had a ranch out there.
01:30:32.000
What about when I house sat for the guy that owned TGIF Fridays?
01:30:38.000
Yeah, when I lived on 435 Faraway Road in Snowmass Village, Colorado.
01:30:46.000
And the guy, the two years I was there, he came a week and a half.
01:30:50.000
He came for three days, and his daughters came for three days.
01:30:56.000
They all got drunk, and they left two days later.
01:31:00.000
And I was talking to the daughter, and she's like, yeah, this is, my dad's got houses.
01:31:06.000
He had three in Colorado alone, like Crested Butte, Snowmass Village, and he had a house on the other side to ski over there because he liked two different types of powder.
01:31:22.000
What's that world when people get that famous, when they get that rich, when they get that to the point where they live in some sort of weird la-la land?
01:31:37.000
And part of my agreement was I had to drive at like 50 miles a month to keep, make sure, because when he came to town, he didn't want no problems with none of his houses.
01:31:48.000
So we had a different fucking house sitter at every...
0.99
01:31:55.000
I fucking grandfathered into the house because my buddy from Jersey had it.
0.99
01:32:00.000
And his girlfriend came out to visit and he knocked her up.
0.98
01:32:03.000
But the guy was difficult to get a hold of because he was in England and whatnot.
0.99
01:32:07.000
So my friend just said to me, just move in, don't say dick.
0.99
01:32:10.000
And when he comes in, he'll see it's you and tell him I had to leave and shit.
0.99
01:32:16.000
So I stayed there for like two months and he came and he's like, who the fuck are you?
0.98
01:32:21.000
And I told him what had happened and that we couldn't get a hold of him because he was in England.
0.98
01:32:28.000
I had already lived in Snowmass for about a year.
01:32:43.000
So part of the deal was I had an apartment over the garage.
01:32:47.000
And it was 18 hours a month of either shoveling snow or 18 hours a month of work.
01:32:56.000
So it was essentially shoveling snow in the winter and mowing the lawn in the summer.
01:33:02.000
He would give me little assignments like paint the wall or whatever.
0.98
01:33:12.000
And I got to get a day job and ski and shit like that.
01:33:16.000
Did I ever tell you it was a volunteer fireman?
0.98
01:33:20.000
Because, alright, so, cocaine was $1,800 an ounce at the time, and it's no mess.
01:33:24.000
My buddy said he'd get it to me for $800 in Jersey.
01:33:28.000
So I would go back and forth, and I was making all this dough on it.
01:33:31.000
The people found out, the guy that they blew up, they put a pipe bomb in this guy's car, and they blew him up.
01:33:38.000
He left a big gap in this fucking drug place.
1.00
01:33:45.000
In Aspen, 36 days before he was to stand trial.
01:33:57.000
In 1984. They arrested him the first time in 1983. They brought him to Denver.
01:34:16.000
And every night he'd give the guy at the door $5 to start the car.
01:34:24.000
They put a pipe bomb in his car and blew him up.
01:34:30.000
But something went so deep up his ass that he had just bled to death.
0.99
01:34:39.000
So this guy approached him and then he was like, man, these people are mad at you.
01:34:47.000
So I had to talk to them and they said, listen, for you to buy, we never do a face-to-face.
01:34:53.000
So they have an Aspen Club and they have a place called to see if the Aspen Club is still, you know, in those days, these places were a thousand a month to walk in.
01:35:03.000
And I knew a girl that used to go to the Aspen Club and she used to tell me she used to take showers right next to Barbie Benton.
1.00
01:35:10.000
And then Barbie Benton had a beautiful bush.
1.00
01:35:13.000
She would tell me every night, Barbie Benton's got a beautiful fucking bush.
1.00
01:35:17.000
So there's the Aspen Club and the Snowmass Club.
01:35:20.000
Snowmass Club has golfing, you know, condos around the thing.
01:35:25.000
I couldn't have been a member, so the only way I could become a member was by being a volunteer fireman.
01:35:34.000
You know, go up two flights, this thing on a ladder, carry a rope.
0.97
01:35:39.000
But basically, it was putting out, when tourists come, they don't know how to fucking turn on a fireplace.
01:35:44.000
So they clean out the shards and they put them in.
0.97
01:35:48.000
And then these people would put them in a dumpster.
0.99
01:35:50.000
So 10 out of 10, all you're doing is dumpster fires.
01:35:57.000
So basically, it was walking to the snowman's club, give the girl the $10,000, put on your gym clothes, workout, and by the time you got back to your locker, the coke was in the locker.
01:36:13.000
So the girl that worked, she was getting a piece?
0.87
01:36:16.000
All you had to do was, hi, how you doing, Joey?
01:36:25.000
You know, I was no dealer, and I'd take it home.
01:36:28.000
But then I started getting coked up, and every time there was a fire, I went to like two fires.
0.99
01:36:34.000
And there were both dumpsters, and there's 16 idiots with a fire hose.
0.99
01:36:40.000
They even gave me like a little fire truck, like a little Toyota truck with like a bell on it to go to the fires.
01:36:48.000
After like the third fire, I stopped showing up.
01:36:56.000
Listen, I'm starting to go get my dick sucked.
1.00
01:36:58.000
You want me to go put on a fire in a dumpster?
1.00
01:37:03.000
And then I went to work for this other dude.
1.00
01:37:12.000
So I had a buddy who used to go, you're surrounded by Dick.
0.98
01:37:16.000
So Dick Kelly had one of those snow companies.
0.94
01:37:20.000
And they wanted me to go and I don't know what they called Joe Rogan, so straightened me out.
01:37:31.000
Oh, okay, like a little small truck that pushes snow around.
0.98
01:37:34.000
So he was another poor bastard that made a mistake and hired me that winter.
0.98
01:37:40.000
Four in the morning, I'm on my second grandma blow.
01:37:55.000
Guys who plowed snow, guys who had snow trucks, when it would snow out, man, you weren't getting any sleep.
01:38:10.000
You know, as soon as you hear snow, those people start fucking getting happy.
0.96
01:38:14.000
And people would look out their window with their coffee, making sure you're out there.
0.98
01:38:18.000
With the truck up the driveway, pushing snow around.
01:38:22.000
My buddy Jimmy, that was one of his side businesses.
01:38:31.000
He would just fucking plow people out, do people's driveways.
0.98
01:38:35.000
You know, I went home this year, March 20th.
0.99
01:38:49.000
By the time I got up the next morning and it snowed like a foot, I'd never seen anything like that.
0.99
01:38:55.000
When I was a kid in Jersey, if it snowed, that shit was there.
0.99
01:39:07.000
Bro, my town won't let a fucking ounce of snow land.
1.00
01:39:16.000
I'll never forget how, when I left Jersey in 83...
01:39:22.000
Like if it snowed, like let's say if it snowed and I had to take the bus up here, I would just call you and say, Joe, it's snowing.
01:39:28.000
You'd expect me at 11. And, you know, everything was late.
01:39:33.000
Whenever it snowed in Jersey, here's this big metropolitan area, New York City, and it snowed in a cripple city.
0.99
01:39:43.000
People would get pissed off, the New York Post.
01:39:46.000
I remember moving to Snowmass and getting a job at Aspen Electric.
01:39:51.000
And that meant I had to get on a bus in Snowmass, go to the bottom of the hill transfer, and shoot the bus to Snowmass.
01:39:57.000
I did this, and I remember the first time I woke up one day.
01:40:01.000
You know, in Colorado, you wake up on one of those 12 inches, it's just another day.
01:40:08.000
In 1983, they couldn't fucking clean up New York.
0.91
01:40:12.000
But I'll never forget that morning, waking up in Aspen like at 6.30 in Snowmass and going, they're not going to expect me until about 10. And I walked in there at 10 and people were like, where the fuck have you been?
0.98
01:40:27.000
They go, everybody else here came on the bus and they all got here on time.
0.98
01:40:33.000
Like Colorado was that far ahead of the game.
0.99
01:40:38.000
But, like, here I was living in this big metropolitan city that four inches crippled.
0.97
01:40:49.000
They throw down something because when you wash your car in Colorado, they push to do the underwater carriage, the prevention, because rust travels fast in Colorado.
01:41:00.000
In Boston, too, that salt they put on the road.
01:41:04.000
You'd buy old cars, and in the fenders, you know, in the back of the fenders, like in the corner, that's where the salt would pile up, and you'd always have rust there.
01:41:13.000
You'd always have, like, these big pockets of rust in the corner.
01:41:20.000
Everybody just wanted a rust-free California car.
01:41:23.000
If you were buying a muscle car, like an older hot rod, you'd find a rust-free California car.
01:41:37.000
Get up in there, just sit there, and just rot away the metal.
01:41:41.000
You've got to take the metal, buff it out, edge it out, and then you would have to spray Rust-Oleum on it.
01:41:47.000
Because I would see the guys in Colorado, how they would fix the cars, and they would take like a missing bumper, cut it strategically, weld it in, and then you buff that in, you colored, you buffed, you kept putting primer on it, and that's how they got the rust out of all those cars in Colorado.
01:42:06.000
A lot of East Coast cars had a tremendous amount of body work.
01:42:10.000
If you wanted a constant job fixing cars, body work was always good.
01:42:14.000
Not just because of accidents, but also just because of rust work.
01:42:18.000
Is the rust a product of the humidity also on the East Coast?
01:42:23.000
Because Colorado wasn't that humid, and I didn't see a little bit of rust from that.
01:42:27.000
Yeah, Colorado, you're getting it from moisture.
01:42:29.000
You're getting it from salt, I'm sure, if they salt the roads.
01:42:32.000
But the East Coast, you're definitely getting more...
01:42:34.000
You know, there's a variety of factors that cause cars to rust out, older cars.
01:42:39.000
But if you can find an old, rust-free car, that is like...
01:43:03.000
I remember cutting myself on one of those fiberglass Corvettes one time.
01:43:24.000
If you look at a 1965 Corvette, that shape is fantastic.
01:43:34.000
Yeah, that's the one, the 65. Well, the fenders have curves to them.
01:43:42.000
And if you had to do that all by banging out metal, and there's mine.
0.97
01:43:46.000
Like, look at the fucking humps and the curves in that thing.
0.97
01:44:02.000
I mean, they could do that with metal, but there's so many complicated curves to it.
01:44:07.000
Just the curve of the door to the fender or the back fender.
01:44:21.000
I mean, if you drove a regular 1965 Corvette, they're sloppy, the suspension's sloppy, the brakes are dogshit.
0.97
01:44:30.000
That thing's not a regular, that thing's what's called a Restomod.
01:44:33.000
So what that is is a 1965 Corvette, but it has a 2007 Corvette engine in it that's supercharged, and then it has an entirely modern suspension.
01:44:48.000
Coilovers, modern brakes, big-ass Corvette brakes, big, fucking, fat, wide tires with sticky rubber on them.
0.98
01:44:56.000
That thing doesn't handle anything like an old car.
0.99
01:45:02.000
As much as you can get a car like that to handle like a new car.
01:45:14.000
I don't think I'd fit in one of those fucking things.
0.99
01:45:19.000
In the 65, they were for fucking things, you know.
0.99
01:45:23.000
Remember when Tony Soprano tried to get in Johnny Sex?
01:45:35.000
They don't make those for skinny Italians.
1.00
01:45:39.000
Yeah, but those, you know, when you're making a car out of fiberglass.
0.99
01:45:43.000
You know, it's pretty weird, just to go back to that lady that quit high school when she was 16, that she was one of the most wealthiest people in the world.
01:45:52.000
Yeah, whatever her name was, we pronounce her wrong.
01:45:55.000
It's so weird how much stock we put into high school.
01:46:16.000
I've met so many people who have quit high school that have done better with their lives.
01:46:26.000
That was one of the worst points of my life.
0.99
01:46:37.000
C-O-C-O. And I remember walking up there that day and going, you know what, bro?
01:46:42.000
So wait a second, I'm gonna get an Ozzy or Coco tattoo on my fingers and I'm gonna quit high school?
01:46:48.000
Like, what am I gonna be my chances of really doing anything?
01:46:52.000
Like, I already quit high school and now I'm gonna put tattoos on my fingers.
01:46:57.000
That's why I chickened out from tattoos, you know?
0.97
01:47:05.000
A tattoo was, you went to jail, you killed somebody.
01:47:10.000
But he had that in 69. He's had that in 69. He was cooler than fuck.
01:47:20.000
I was just some fucking drugged out criminal.
0.98
01:47:22.000
But I knew that if I quit high school and put COCO, I was doomed for life.
0.99
01:47:37.000
And how much weight they put on high school I quit high school my junior year.
01:47:47.000
I just had to quit school because of necessity.
01:47:54.000
It's so weird how many people over the years I've read.
0.98
01:47:57.000
The only reason why I got my GED, let me tell you something.
01:48:00.000
I refuse to get my GED. Because if I would have failed my GED, I would have killed myself.
01:48:06.000
If you quit high school and then fail your GED, you're really doomed for life.
01:48:10.000
I didn't even want to know about the GED thing.
01:48:13.000
But when I got arrested, You gotta have a GED because you get an extra point to your sentence thing.
01:48:20.000
Like this is a variable that adds to you not going to prison for that long.
01:48:25.000
So if you get arrested and you don't have a GED and you're not working at the time of your arrest, this all counts towards your sentencing guidelines.
0.94
01:48:35.000
So the only reason why I took that GED fucking thing, because I was petrified of taking it, Joe Rogan.
0.96
01:48:41.000
Because once you fail your GED, there ain't no coming back.
0.99
01:48:43.000
So I got a tattoo on my fingers, I fucking quit high school, and I fucking failed the first GED thing.
0.99
01:48:52.000
Like, I studied hard for my GED. I bought the fucking thing.
1.00
01:48:56.000
I took a night class with a bunch of people who didn't speak English.
1.00
01:49:03.000
But it's so weird how they put such a stress on it when I was growing up.
01:49:07.000
And I know tons of kids that sophomore year said, my father owns a fucking mechanic garage or we have a fruit company or my father is in the stock market and he's getting me a job.
01:49:19.000
And I know these kids today and they're doing fine.
0.96
01:49:21.000
I just saw one in West Palm Beach that he was one of the first guys to quit school.
01:49:31.000
Well, quitting an education, like quitting learning is what's really scary.
1.00
01:49:39.000
The problem with school is school, like standardized education, right?
01:49:44.000
The education that they would like you to get is you go through school, you get out of high school, you go to a good college, you get a degree, and then you go to graduate school.
01:49:55.000
But there's a lot of people that did that, that there was no job for them.
01:49:59.000
They have graduate degrees, and they're not doing well, and it's not a guarantee.
0.98
01:50:05.000
And especially in this weird fucking economy.
0.92
01:50:07.000
The problem with a guy like you, or a problem with a guy like me, is that we're never gonna have regular jobs.
0.99
01:50:18.000
We're both fucked up for different reasons.
1.00
01:50:30.000
But nobody recognized that you had the potential to be an entertainer.
01:50:36.000
Nobody ever says like you could be an entertainer.
01:50:40.000
Nobody ever brings that up as a viable job option.
01:50:43.000
Meanwhile It's obviously a giant job option.
0.92
01:50:47.000
All of our friends that are like you or I, that are comics, they were all fuck-ups in high school.
01:50:53.000
They all barely made it through whatever job they had.
0.99
01:50:56.000
They hated every second of it, and they all thought they were losers.
01:51:00.000
We were all worried that we were going to be a loser.
01:51:03.000
But no one, none of us had someone who said, hey, Joey.
0.99
01:51:15.000
A comic with a headline at a club in the weekend, Mike made $1,500.
01:51:26.000
And you'd talk about what regular people were making, busting their ass all week.
0.90
01:51:30.000
You could just show up on a Friday, do two shows on a Friday, two shows on a Saturday, one show on Sunday.
0.86
01:51:38.000
You'd get home, and a lot of times it was cash.
01:51:47.000
It's so weird how I could look you in the face and tell you something.
01:52:08.000
I was either going to be a bartender, a waiter.
01:52:14.000
There was a company, White Rose and Sea Caucus.
0.97
01:52:16.000
It was a frozen warehouse where you just got lobster tails and shit and you had to wear it bundled up.
0.94
01:52:23.000
They gave you $1,000 every 90 days to buy clothing.
01:52:28.000
I had no problem working 9 to 6. I knew one thing about my life.
01:52:36.000
Because the people I grew up around, my mother did not have a day job.
1.00
01:52:41.000
My mother went, opened the bar at 9, set the bar up, beer, boom.
1.00
01:52:46.000
And by 10.30, she was in Harlem, picking up this, going to a Met game, eating Chinese food.
01:52:55.000
Then she worked till 3. I had no problem with working.
01:52:58.000
My first big job was bartending from 5 to 1 in Manhattan.
01:53:09.000
I wanted you to leave the fucking house when I walked in.
0.99
01:53:15.000
I'm going to watch TV for an hour, sleep till 2, get up, lift weights.
01:53:24.000
Some people's personalities, if they want to go somewhere where someone tells them what to do, they want to sit in a very safe, structured environment and do boring shit.
0.97
01:53:32.000
There's a company in my town named APA, Anthony Imperatoro.
0.96
01:53:39.000
The deal was, you went down there, 1982, let's say.
01:53:49.000
Shape is you just go down there and they look at you like Marlon Brando on the waterfront.
01:53:54.000
You stand there like a fucking moron and they come up to you.
1.00
01:54:05.000
So if you're a longshoreman and all that shit, if you don't have work, you go do shape up work.
01:54:10.000
So you just go down there and wait for your badge number to be called.
0.98
01:54:21.000
And the first night Joe Rogan picks me, he sees I'm a fucking mule.
1.00
01:54:28.000
The ship started at 7 and it went till 6, but sometimes at 6 a load of fucking Volkswagen engines came in.
0.99
01:54:37.000
And here you are with another fucking gorilla picking up Volkswagen engines.
1.00
01:54:41.000
So what I used to do was you couldn't work more than six days a month or they had to put you in the union.
0.99
01:54:53.000
There was three different companies that you could shape for.
01:54:56.000
So what you did was to get into the union was once I found out Joe was cool and Joe knew I worked, I threw Joe a yardstick.
01:55:05.000
I threw you a hundred, so I have guaranteed two days a week work, which is still $18 an hour plus overtime.
01:55:16.000
And then if you completed like 12, if they made a mistake and they gave you 12 days in a month, now they had to hire you full-time.
01:55:26.000
APA, that guy Imperator, you know what he owns now?
1.00
01:55:31.000
Like the ferry that goes back to New Jersey, back and forth from Jersey to New York City?
1.00
01:55:38.000
But when we were kids, his facility, he took such care of his employees.
01:55:44.000
His gym, when the New York Nets went from Long Island to New Jersey, that's where they practiced the first year.
01:55:58.000
Like, if you loaded trucks, you were allowed to use that gym.
0.99
01:56:08.000
He had shit that nobody had, like, at that time.
1.00
01:56:12.000
But my point being that that was what I had in high school, that I could do shape-up work, and I could still make a living, and eventually somebody was going to hire me.
0.92
01:56:21.000
I was going to work like a fucking mule, but I'd still be making, you know, $1,500 a week when you're in 1980, which wasn't bad.
0.84
01:56:32.000
Those are the guys that buy the boats, and they go to Atlantic City, and they wear white shoes on the weekends.
01:56:45.000
You go down to Newark and stay there, and then after 15 days, they pick you up in the union.
01:56:50.000
They'll charge you $5,000 for a book, which means that you get $5,000 to enter the union, but you got benefits the rest of your life.
01:56:57.000
Insurance and a pension and Yeah, and you realized that you weren't going to work in a cubicle.
01:57:04.000
I knew that I... But I liked that night loading shit.
1.00
01:57:07.000
You don't know how many nights I walked home at Route 3 with no money.
0.99
01:57:10.000
How many days after loading a truck all night, walking home on Route 3, because I didn't have enough money for the bus.
01:57:17.000
I just had enough money for, like, breakfast.
0.99
01:57:20.000
And I would walk up and get breakfast at a dime, and I'd go wherever I was sleeping and fucking...
0.97
01:57:28.000
Comedy didn't come into my radar until a month before I went to prison.
01:57:34.000
A month before I got locked up, a month before I got arrested for the crime, never mind prison, there was a salesman they hired, and we did not get along, me and him as a car salesman.
01:57:48.000
He was American Indian, a piece of him was American Indian, and he even had that Charles Bronson look in his eyes.
01:57:54.000
And one day, me and him got into a beef over a customer.
01:57:58.000
He said the customer's was his and it was mine.
01:58:01.000
And me and him banged it up face to face and they had to break us up.
01:58:07.000
That means you're outside waiting for a customer to try to get a customer on point.
01:58:12.000
And he came out and he goes, man, listen, I don't know what happened between us.
01:58:20.000
If I was 25, he was about 40 something, 44, 45. And I had a fucking, you know, I was doing drugs, and I had the tough guy mentality, and I banged you.
0.99
01:58:33.000
And I would never raise my hand to somebody old.
1.00
01:58:38.000
But he came up to me, put out his hand, and he goes, listen, man, I don't know nothing about nothing.
01:58:42.000
But he goes, you know what I was doing for the last 20 years, right?
01:58:47.000
He goes, I was the entertainment coordinator for a casino in Las Vegas.
0.98
01:58:53.000
And he goes, I don't know, man, you make me fucking laugh.
0.90
01:58:56.000
And I remember shaking his hand going, thank you.
1.00
01:59:02.000
And he was telling me how I had a career in comedy, and I wasn't listening to him.
1.00
01:59:08.000
I'm like, you're fucking crazy, stand-up comedy.
0.99
01:59:22.000
And then when I came out, I didn't think about it.
0.96
01:59:24.000
And then when I fucking came out for reals, there was a guy that lives in Pismo Beach now.
0.94
01:59:45.000
I didn't know stand-up comedy was about work.
1.00
01:59:48.000
I thought that Joe Rogan just called the comedy store and said, have a camera there in 10 minutes.
01:59:54.000
I didn't know that you had to work 18 months to get an hour of material.
02:00:03.000
I just thought that when I saw John Leguizamo, he just went down there.
0.97
02:00:12.000
But, you know, the thing about it is that it's a possibility.
02:00:18.000
It's not an easy possibility, but it's an option.
0.99
02:00:21.000
But being a fucking physician is not an easy possibility either.
0.99
02:00:24.000
But if you tell someone you want to be a doctor, they don't look at you like you're crazy.
0.99
02:00:30.000
There's a lot of work involved in being a doctor.
02:00:33.000
But it's a path that's been taken by many people.
02:00:38.000
You go through school, you go through medical school, you go through residency.
02:00:40.000
There's all these different steps that you have to take that everybody's really aware of.
02:00:44.000
With a stand-up comedy career, no one who's, other than the people that have done it, no one knows what it is.
02:00:50.000
You and I both know that in order to be, you know, say, a physicist, You have to go through a certain amount of education.
02:01:16.000
With comedy, no one knows that path other than people like you or I. People that have actually done that path and make a living doing it, we know it.
02:01:23.000
But for everybody on the outside, it's like, what is that?
02:01:25.000
And sometimes you need someone to come along and tell you, like the guy who you were working with.
02:01:31.000
For me, it was my friend Steve, Dr. Steve Graham.
02:01:35.000
He was my friend when I was, you know, he was telling me this when I was like 19, you know?
02:01:45.000
I'm like, other people are going to think I'm an asshole.
0.99
02:01:52.000
What got me into public speaking, honestly, what helped me was teaching.
02:01:57.000
When I was teaching martial arts, I had to teach in front of all these people.
02:02:01.000
I had never spoken in front of groups of people, but I was really good at the time at teaching classes.
02:02:08.000
I had learned from my instructor, and there was a way to do it.
02:02:14.000
Obviously, it was my life, so I was very intense about doing it.
02:02:17.000
And I got used to speaking publicly in front of these large groups of people.
02:02:21.000
But it was because I was speaking about something that I was good at.
02:02:24.000
And then I would teach at Boston University, and when I would go there and teach the classes, I'd start off the classes, you know, and I basically said to them, listen, you take this class, try hard, you're going to get an A. It's pass-fail A. It actually counts for your GPA. So this is an easy A. I don't want you to be fucking Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan.
02:02:48.000
If you come here and try, you get an A. That simple.
02:02:51.000
And so I became friends with a lot of the kids because they were like my age.
02:03:03.000
Besides stand-up comedy, were you ever, ever, ever on a stage before that?
02:03:18.000
But in college I took a course on public speaking.
02:03:25.000
It was some sort of course where we would do like little play.
02:03:36.000
Like the way she would give classes, it was continuing education program at UMass.
0.99
02:03:42.000
And there was the people in the class where it was very loosely organized.
02:03:50.000
And we had to put together some little play, I remember.
02:04:09.000
I never was, I always shunned from all that stuff.
02:04:16.000
And my sixth, when I got thrown out of Catholic school in the sixth grade, I had this guy, Mr. Levito.
0.88
02:04:23.000
And on Fridays, you had a choice to fucking go be part of the ecology club or hang out in the class.
02:04:37.000
So he would make me every Friday go up to the front of the class and put My Eyes Adored You on a record player and I'd sing it.
02:04:46.000
I'd really sing it, because I really had a good voice growing up.
02:04:53.000
You've done that fucking rock and roll show.
0.99
02:05:13.000
Singing and doing comedy is two different fucking worlds.
0.99
02:05:16.000
Did you have to learn the song and practice it?
0.99
02:05:18.000
They wanted me to go to a rehearsal, but I couldn't go to a rehearsal that day.
02:06:09.000
Right now, today, they're in that band with Be Real.
02:06:26.000
Yeah, something of, please don't, come on, don't embarrass me now, I can't.
02:06:31.000
Yeah, Sons of Rage or Somethings of Rage, and it's Tom Morello, the singer from Public Enemy, Be Real.
02:06:55.000
It's a couple of guys from Rage, Public Enemy, Cypress Hill.
02:07:09.000
They found the last egg that was tucked up in a quarter.
02:07:14.000
Mick Jagger's singing at 75. I guarantee women have eggs a little longer now.
1.00
02:07:22.000
You gotta dig deep, deep, deep in that little monkey.
1.00
02:07:30.000
You just need a guy to give you a stab and to generate everything at the same time.
02:07:34.000
That guy's gonna be holding back a lot of loads.
02:07:47.000
After 48. As a woman after 48 from what I've read.
02:07:55.000
46, 47, your chances of a child having autism are very high.
02:08:00.000
There's a lot of chances of a lot of little things going wrong.
02:08:07.000
Yeah, with men, there's a bunch of factors, but one of the factors is also the age of the father.
02:08:12.000
That's why you see more autistic kids these days than before as people are putting off, they're having children, And having careers later, and there's complications.
0.93
02:08:22.000
It's one of the theories as to why there's more autistic kids.
1.00
02:08:25.000
Another theory is that there's not more autistic kids.
02:08:28.000
We're just better at diagnosing what the issue is with children than we used to be before.
02:08:42.000
She had her first kid when she was young and vibrant.
0.93
02:08:44.000
And the fifth kid when she's basically a monster.
1.00
02:09:03.000
I kept looking at my daughter's eyes to see if she was stoned.
0.59
02:09:07.000
Because God knew how much THC was in my reefer when I shot that load of death.
02:09:15.000
It's kind of funny, man, when you just think about the window of time that you have to get pregnant and impregnate someone.
02:09:23.000
If you ever run into someone and you haven't seen them in like 10, 15 years and you see them and you're like, whoa, okay.
02:09:33.000
You don't think about it when you see people day in, day out.
02:09:39.000
But if you don't see someone for 10, 15 years, you're like, oh.
02:09:42.000
Oh, wait till you look at a picture of yourself.
02:09:45.000
When you go to a hotel room, that mirror don't lie.
1.00
02:09:48.000
The mirror at your house is a fucking bullshit artist.
1.00
02:09:55.000
You go to a Vegas and you walk past the mirror and you're like, what the fuck happened there?
0.99
02:10:09.000
Last week, I fucking took a red eye to Cleveland.
1.00
02:10:18.000
There's two direct flights a day to Cleveland.
0.96
02:10:20.000
Everybody's got a flight, but it takes you 19 hours.
02:10:22.000
So my choices were to leave at 11 in the morning and leave it a day earlier, which ain't happening, or take a red eye that night.
02:10:32.000
And we landed at 6 in the morning, which is 3 L.A. time, which I'm never up past fucking 12.30 anymore.
0.71
02:10:39.000
And I took a thing to the hotel, me and George Perez.
0.99
02:10:43.000
You know, and for a couple minutes I was a little, like, look at my fucking life.
0.99
02:10:48.000
I'm 55 and I'm fucking taking a red eye to do Cleveland.
0.98
02:10:51.000
And when I got into the hotel room and I sat down and I sat at my computer, I'm like, how fucking lucky am I? I'm still doing spots at the fucking store.
0.99
02:11:03.000
I never dreamt of this past 48. And I'm 55 and headlining and having a great time and laughing my fucking balls off.
0.99
02:11:22.000
We walked 50 yards, there was a cab, and that was the end of that.
02:11:34.000
Showed Bridget Nielsen a photo of her today when she was 20 and said, you're going to look like this in five minutes.
02:11:43.000
But now that she's 55, she's like, eh, that's what I look like.
1.00
02:11:47.000
We all become J. Howard Marshall and Nicole Smith's fucking husband.
1.00
02:11:57.000
There's going to be an amount of time where your body just stops working right and...
02:12:01.000
Your tissue starts to hang off your face and it is what it is.
02:12:08.000
You broke it down for me with your old Romero.
0.66
02:12:12.000
What's a girl we've discussed a thousand times?
02:12:15.000
She was married to Richard Gere with the beauty mark.
0.99
02:12:18.000
You said you saw her somewhere and she was still fucking beautiful.
0.99
02:12:33.000
There's two girls in my high school that are on Facebook.
0.99
02:12:47.000
The happiness, the alcohol, the tobacco, the food.
02:12:53.000
Listen, man, I was thinking about this, how it's so weird that once every two years, I don't know what, Joe Rogan, I hate being this person sometimes.
02:13:11.000
Every once in a while, I go up to the comedy store and I see everybody drinking.
02:13:16.000
And I see everybody doing everything else.
1.00
02:13:17.000
And here I am with a fucking water like an asshole.
1.00
02:13:20.000
I don't smoke at night when I drive because I can't see at night.
1.00
02:13:26.000
Sometimes I go in the back and I get high.
1.00
02:13:28.000
So every once in a while I go to a Red Band or somebody, give me a fucking cigarette.
1.00
02:13:33.000
And I smoke five fucking cigarettes, and I'll smoke for a week.
0.99
02:13:37.000
I'll pack a cigarette at 8 o'clock at night and smoke like a fiend and throw them out of the car on the way up the hill.
02:13:48.000
You could see how bad fucking cigarettes are for you.
1.00
02:13:55.000
Now, when you say this, like, how many cigarettes will you smoke?
02:14:13.000
And you don't worry it's going to get you again?
02:14:19.000
Why do you think I said that shit to you last week about the ambient?
1.00
02:14:22.000
I wasn't fucking around with you trying to be cute.
1.00
02:14:31.000
I don't do coke, I don't do heroin, I don't do oxycontins.
02:14:45.000
Somebody gave me blotter acid and I put it in the battery thing.
0.99
02:14:51.000
I have like a shaver and I took the blotter acid and put it in the battery thing.
02:14:55.000
So it became like battery acid, and I called Lee, and I told Lee it was Wolfman Jack acid.
02:15:09.000
He went on an episode of The Odd Couple one time, and Felix wanted some music published, and it was horrible.
02:15:17.000
So Oscar was a friend of Wolfman Jack's, and he goes, man, let me give it to Wolfman Jack.
02:15:23.000
And they're both outside the studio waiting for Wolfman Jack.
02:15:32.000
I dig yells in the night, but he goes this, I haven't been this depressed in a long time.
02:15:42.000
Now, if you don't mind, he goes, I gotta come down off this battery acid I was drinking last night.
02:15:46.000
So I've never forgotten that line as a kid, that Wolfman Jack, look at him.
02:15:58.000
No, he died in 1995. Wow, that was a long time ago.
02:16:05.000
Play that black and white video in the lower right hand corner.
02:16:19.000
Wolfman Jack at WNBC. Air check from August 1973. His first night at 66 WN by NBC New York.
02:16:57.000
Boy, they had a lot of fucking theatrics back then.
0.99
02:17:30.000
All you had to do was have a big personality, be loud and crazy, and people got used to listening to a certain person on the radio.
02:17:36.000
Radio personalities were a different thing, man.
02:17:38.000
It's like you would become accustomed to listening to someone's voice, and that was the person you wanted to hear.
02:17:45.000
I remember certain radio DJs Charles Laquadera on the Big Mattress in WBCN in Boston.
02:17:54.000
I listened to it when I was delivering newspapers.
02:18:02.000
There's still a few morning guys out there, but man, they're cutting those guys back.
02:18:07.000
They're whittling away their budget, taking away their money.
0.99
02:18:11.000
You know, they have to do personal appearance at Wild Wings and shit like that and fucking shoot t-shirts out of a cannon and all that nonsense.
0.99
02:18:47.000
People listen to that talk sports and people call in, fuck you!
1.00
02:18:57.000
By the way, congratulations on the Boston Red Sox.
1.00
02:19:06.000
But the Cuban, once September comes, I love the art form, Joe Rogan.
02:19:12.000
By the way, not only did I get left back and I got a GED, I'm the only Cuban that couldn't play baseball.
0.99
02:19:19.000
I'm possibly the only Cuban that was the worst baseball player in the fucking world.
0.98
02:19:30.000
But during the playoffs, I watched that shit religiously.
1.00
02:19:34.000
And I talked to my uncle, and he fills me in.
1.00
02:19:43.000
So I'll get on the phone with him during the playoffs, and he'll be watching, and I'll talk to him.
02:19:57.000
And Boston was just too tough this year, Joe Rogan.
02:20:01.000
A baseball player with thieves, it's tough to play against them.
02:20:06.000
That's why me and your old partner at the UFC with Tyke Goldberg We're both Cincinnati Red fans.
02:20:17.000
Because they don't let the pitcher get into a rhythm.
02:20:20.000
They get into the pitcher's head and they start dwindling their arms.
02:20:24.000
And now the pitcher's got to keep looking at his shoulder.
02:20:27.000
And if you ever get a chance to watch an old Cincinnati Red Bull park, a good game, if I find one, I'll send it to you.
02:20:35.000
You know how when the coach comes out and he takes the ball from the guy and the guy walks off and they call a reliever?
02:20:42.000
With the Cincinnati Reds, the coach will come out and the...
1.00
02:20:46.000
The pitcher would go, take this fucking ball.
1.00
02:20:59.000
The Cincinnati Reds won all those years with Pete Rose.
02:21:05.000
That means every time he came up to bat, you're going to have a problem.
02:21:10.000
And him and Concepcion and Morgan and all those people, they were just single-hitters.
02:21:16.000
At least with a home run, I know where I stand.
1.00
02:21:19.000
But these motherfuckers that clobber you with singles and doubles, that's a different game.
1.00
02:21:24.000
And then I'm stealing from you to really get down?
1.00
02:21:32.000
I know you never watched it, but that's what it was about, the movie with Brad Pitt.
02:21:39.000
That's a great movie because he explains to you that it's on base percentage.
1.00
02:21:47.000
They're like, yeah, but this guy walks a lot.
1.00
02:22:16.000
When it starts in April, I don't know nothing.
1.00
02:22:27.000
I stopped doing it when I got into martial arts.
02:22:30.000
I found out about Taekwondo because I was waiting for a Red Sox game, waiting for the tee to get home.
02:22:34.000
And there was a big-ass line to get to the tee because Fenway Park was let out.
02:22:38.000
And walking back from Fenway Park to the train station, I saw the Taekwondo school.
02:22:44.000
And I went up there and there was this guy named John Lee.
02:22:46.000
He was a national heavyweight champion, light heavyweight champion at the time.
02:22:52.000
And he was up there kicking the shit out of the heavy bag.
0.99
02:22:55.000
I'd never seen anything like it in my life.
0.99
02:23:06.000
And the k-chink was the chain as the bag would go flying through the air and slam against the chain.
1.00
02:23:12.000
I was like, that is the craziest fucking sound.
0.95
02:23:14.000
And I walked in there and there was this guy.
0.99
02:23:17.000
It was just, you know, at the peak of his physical power.
02:23:24.000
And just watching him do that was so terrifying.
02:23:28.000
Thinking, like, if someone kicked me like that, like, what it would do to my body.
02:23:34.000
Because before, I wasn't into team sports, man.
02:23:37.000
That's one of the reasons why I got into wrestling.
02:23:39.000
At least for wrestling, it's me against that guy.
02:23:43.000
I hated the fact that we were losers because little Billy dropped the ball.
02:23:49.000
They would tell me, all right, Rogan, go try to get a single.
02:23:54.000
I swung, I either got a home run, or I struck out every fucking time I was at bat.
1.00
02:24:01.000
I either, because I got a home run once, and I was like, oh, that is so much better than getting a single.
1.00
02:24:06.000
You can suck dick for the rest of your life for singles.
1.00
02:24:11.000
I felt bad if I got on bass, and I got a single.
0.99
02:24:22.000
And it went into the stands, and I was like, oh, this is what it's about.
0.99
02:24:28.000
It's the only thing that's any good about this stupid fucking, that and catching balls.
1.00
02:24:32.000
So many cracks went out there and you catch it, that's pretty fun.
1.00
02:24:47.000
When I went to Miami, I used to go to Red Berries baseball camp in the summers, just for a week.
02:25:01.000
Went to five-star basketball camp with, uh-uh-uh.
0.92
02:25:08.000
My shoulders are so bad that, nah, my shoulders over the years that I can't do a jump shot.
1.00
02:25:25.000
Like, I have to go for physical therapy pretty soon.
02:25:29.000
I should, but by the, you know, listen, you gotta pick your battles in today's insurance world.
02:25:35.000
So, they're to the point where I could lift, I could go to kickboxing, you know, I could hold a microphone, I'm fine.
02:25:47.000
That's gonna have to do something soon, but for right now...
0.97
02:25:52.000
I think when I was doing physical therapy, I re-heard it after the surgery.
02:26:02.000
So I'll go back in there again and let it all cleaned up.
02:26:08.000
I loved the whole thing of doing forms and practicing.
0.99
02:26:13.000
They can do some fucking tremendous shit with stem cells right now, Joey.
0.99
02:26:24.000
Let me see you grab your hands and do that shit where you go all the way back and you do all that shit.
1.00
02:26:36.000
Like, there's people who could grab them at my kickboxing place and go all the way over.
02:26:43.000
Yeah, like, they do something fucking different.
0.99
02:26:47.000
Oh, you're saying, like, do this and go all the way back?
0.98
02:26:58.000
Just grab ahold of the bar, chin-up bar, and just hang from it.
0.76
02:27:07.000
Just go out there to my little gym area out here.
02:27:11.000
I never got the President's Award either because I couldn't do a pull-up.
02:27:34.000
When I moved to Snowmass Village, my roommate was from Brown, and he had another brother, and they had another friend.
0.99
02:27:42.000
And they had trained under this guy named Ira Wolf, where I grew up.
02:27:48.000
And these, except for one guy, two of these guys are still alive.
02:27:51.000
And these guys did not believe in traditional lifting.
02:27:59.000
Ten count on the way down and a ten count on the way up.
02:28:04.000
And the strength doubles, like your strength doubles, like the strength is so, it's slow motion.
02:28:24.000
And today, the one guy, we were talking a while ago, he has no injuries, all that.
0.98
02:28:33.000
When I was doing behind the necks, in front of the necks, they're like, you're wasting your time.
02:29:03.000
You were doing kettlebell classes for a while too, right?
02:29:06.000
Yeah, but the problem with the kettlebell is that If you read that guy's book or anything about Pavlov, he says that the kettlebells, I don't even know if that's his name.
02:29:18.000
It's supposed to be like a 20 to 18, 15 minute workout, kettlebells.
02:29:24.000
What they do is the new CrossFit community is taking kettlebells and you're just hurting people.
02:29:31.000
Kettlebells are done for you to feel good and to enhance a different workout.
02:29:34.000
Like when I do kettlebells, thank God for on it, I combine it with a club wall.
02:30:09.000
Because they have all the weight on the end, and it helps pull that shoulder all the way the fuck down.
02:30:15.000
Like, for me to do anything, I've got to stretch my shoulder before and after really deep.
02:30:21.000
Remember the guy I brought on, Alberto Gazzini?
02:30:31.000
On it's got that Kettlebell 6. Kettle 6 where it's a transformation.
02:30:38.000
They call it something else instead of warm-up.
02:30:49.000
The thing about clubs is that they're not that heavy, but they're odd.
02:30:53.000
So you're holding on to the end of it, but the weight is at the other end.
02:30:57.000
And it's this long thing, so it's very awkward.
02:31:00.000
And you could get a really good workout with 15 pounds.
02:31:04.000
That's all I use, 15 and 10. I got a 5 from Onnit to break my wrist.
02:31:09.000
You get a five and you really can really break the fascia on your wrist with the five.
02:31:14.000
They have an exercise that you go over and twist.
02:31:17.000
We got a full set of them out here if you don't want to use them.
02:31:22.000
The kettlebell class, why am I swinging the gorilla?
0.99
02:31:30.000
And then you turned me on to Steve Maxwell's 35 pounds.
02:31:40.000
And then you were the one I called you at the last Dilemma.
02:31:45.000
So now I do three, three, and three, and I'm out of there.
02:31:48.000
I do three Turkish get-ups, three fucking sets of cleans, and three swings.
0.99
02:31:56.000
Listen, if I'm on the road, most hotels now have kettlebells.
02:32:02.000
I go to a hotel, I check, and I go up, I roll a joint.
02:32:05.000
I go downstairs, I smoke, and on the way back, I check by the gym.
02:32:13.000
Because over 50, it should just be three days a week.
0.99
02:32:18.000
Well, it's also that you can get in more reps over the week.
02:32:24.000
If you do a lot of reps in one day, the problem is you're destroyed afterwards.
02:32:27.000
But if you do the same amount of reps over the course of five days, just do shorter workouts and do many of them, you don't ever get destroyed.
02:32:38.000
And I think you become more consistent with it.
02:32:49.000
My jiu-jitsu incorporates the class, doing the technique, and three five-minute rows.
02:32:55.000
After that, I get up and walk away, because anything after that is defeating the purpose.
02:33:01.000
I hit the Novathor bed twice a week, especially on Sundays.
02:33:06.000
The Novathor bed is the one I told you about the last time.
02:33:09.000
I think they sent you some information because we were discussing it last time.
02:33:21.000
I go to Novathor bed twice a week, especially on Sundays to take all the oxidation out.
02:33:35.000
So what I did was I shortened my workout and I could do it more often.
02:33:39.000
Me going to a jiu-jitsu class and fighting Eddie to the death does nothing for me.
02:33:46.000
And I'm not going to do that because I'm not going to be able to roll for three or four more days now.
02:33:53.000
I really went online and read after 50. And number one, you've got to over 50 strength.
02:34:03.000
Because that sarcopenia will fucking kill you, and that's when you start getting hunchy and we all become our grandfather.
0.99
02:34:09.000
And when you do stand-up, you just gotta be stronger.
0.99
02:34:14.000
So I went back, I meet these guys twice a week, and we pack it on.
02:34:19.000
I don't even know what you put on there, because it gives me anxiety.
0.97
02:34:22.000
And we open up with a squat to really get the system into a fucking frenzy.
0.96
02:34:27.000
There's no jumping jacks, there's no bench.
0.97
02:34:32.000
I do a little warm-up, and the first two sets, I see the fucking devil.
1.00
02:34:52.000
But it's ten seconds up, ten seconds back.
0.99
02:34:54.000
The last two, I'm fucking, I'm seeing the devil.
0.99
02:34:58.000
I'm thinking about getting a heart attack, the whole thing.
0.99
02:35:00.000
And then right from there, I go to a pull-down machine.
02:35:06.000
It's really weird how he does it, but I'm out of there in 22 minutes.
02:35:12.000
Physical strain, lifting some weights, getting that bone density, tightening up all the muscle groups.
02:35:23.000
I don't end up on NBC doing commercials for ED commercials.
02:35:27.000
You don't want ED, you got to get the maluk stick.
02:35:37.000
Lifting a little lightweight three days a week, he's doing it for his maluk stick.
1.00
02:35:50.000
Those Frank Thomas are a bunch of thirsty white people hanging out with him.
1.00
02:35:58.000
With all these ladies going, I wish you would do that, Mike.
0.98
02:36:14.000
I did an independent study to see what works the most.
0.99
02:36:17.000
Oatmeal with coconut milk in that motherfucker and some deadlifts and some squats.
1.00
02:36:22.000
You'll be stabbing people till you're 90. For sure those things elevate testosterone and increase your hormone levels.
1.00
02:36:29.000
Deadlifts and squats are the kings of exercise.
02:36:32.000
Those are so important because they work your whole chain.
02:36:46.000
I got a coach the first time to go over the basics with me.
02:36:49.000
And then like three weeks later, I thought I was Mike Dolce, and I went in there and did a setter.
02:37:00.000
Like, you just feel like this fucking weird feeling.
1.00
02:37:03.000
Well, your body realizes, oh, Jesus, this crazy fuck, it needs us to lift weights.
1.00
02:37:07.000
It needs us to carry heavy things all the time, so your body just gets stronger.
1.00
02:37:14.000
It's got to rebuild all that tissue that you're breaking down.
02:37:22.000
If I wasn't in first place, I'd jump off a fucking building.
1.00
02:37:27.000
I'm disturbed that they thought they were going to win.
02:37:36.000
I mean, obviously, out of all these guys, I'm the one who's been working out all the time.
02:37:40.000
Obviously, I've been working out my whole life.
02:37:53.000
Tommy has just recently banged out another 100. So he's 8,259.
02:38:03.000
Strong, talking all kinds of mad shit, and he's more than 2,000 points behind me, that slob.
1.00
02:38:12.000
And when I work out today, they're all gonna quit.
02:38:15.000
I'm going today, even though I'm 2,000 points ahead, I'm going to go for six hours.
02:38:29.000
The thing is, when you're exhausted, you go, I can't do this anymore.
0.99
02:38:42.000
I do about two miles in the hills with the dog.
02:38:48.000
He's a pain in the ass if he's not worn out.
0.99
02:38:52.000
So we run for two miles, which is in the hills.
0.99
02:39:09.000
So I hit the bag for another hour and a half.
0.99
02:39:13.000
I turned on some old fights in the gym and just fucking went to town.
0.95
02:39:17.000
Put on the ringside timer, so it's giving me rounds.
0.97
02:39:20.000
And the ringside timer gives me 30 seconds, too.
02:39:24.000
So I go 30 seconds hard, 30 seconds not so hard, 30 seconds hard, 30 seconds not so hard, one minute break, drink some water.
02:39:34.000
To really kick the shit out of that fucking bag hard.
1.00
02:39:41.000
I went to kickboxing class and I fucked up one of my fungi toes.
1.00
02:39:46.000
It just blew up and blood started coming out.
0.99
02:39:48.000
I went home later on and said, what the fuck?
0.99
02:39:52.000
If you slam your shin into a bag for an hour and a half of full blast, some tissue's going to break down.
02:40:16.000
The most I've ever worked out is I did six and a half hours, and I got a thousand points.
02:40:22.000
I did five and a half hours, I got 900 points, and then I did another hour just to sort of, like, at the end of the day, just to loosen everything up.
02:40:37.000
I was like, where am I going to put the belt?
1.00
02:40:48.000
He went hiking with Ari and was quitting while he was hiking.
02:40:56.000
These guys are walking and they're getting tired.
02:40:58.000
And he's talking about beating me in a fitness contest.
02:41:10.000
Even though he's 2,000 points behind, he might try to murder himself over the next two days, get to 2,000 points, and then put another 1,000 in to beat me on the third day.
02:41:34.000
Up until about a week and a half ago, and then I just turned it on.
02:41:40.000
My plan was to get, you know, first of all, I was not doing this much cardio before.
02:41:56.000
I took three days off because I went to Vegas with my family when I went with the UFC. I said, we're going to go on Thursday.
02:42:06.000
And that's when Burt posted, oh, Rogan's in last place.
02:42:17.000
And then when I kicked it into full gear, I'm steady every day, three hours a day, three and a half hours a day.
02:42:25.000
Sometimes two and a half hours in the morning, two and a half hours at night.
02:42:28.000
Just 600 points a day, 700 points a day, 800 points a day.
02:42:36.000
And my goal was so the last few days to be so far ahead that they're fucked and they're all just scratching and clawing for second place.
0.84
02:42:50.000
I wanted the loser to have to drink a goblet of everybody else's piss.
0.99
02:43:02.000
He was sick as a dog on antibiotics for like five days.
0.99
02:43:06.000
Came back in one day and he ran 13 motherfucking miles for 600 points.
0.99
02:43:32.000
Everybody just wants to make sure that Burt loses.
1.00
02:43:38.000
He thinks he can just half-ass his way through something that's an actual competition.
02:43:46.000
But there's a big difference between pushing yourself and pushing yourself for a whole month.
02:43:52.000
And he's been talking so much shit that we're all laughing at him.
1.00
02:44:20.000
He said Ari like held on to his stats for like a week before he turned him in.
02:44:26.000
No, no, no, Ari held on to his stats and he's allowed to do that.
02:44:32.000
Look, the manly thing to do is to put it all on the table and make everybody try to fucking keep up.
0.96
02:44:43.000
And he obviously is also the one who worked out the least out of all of us.
1.00
02:44:47.000
So he at one point in time stored up a thousand points and had them on his device and then released him and Bert went fucking crazy.
1.00
02:44:58.000
Because Bert thought he was ahead of Ari and then all of a sudden Ari shot ahead of him.
02:45:14.000
I told you, Tom got 600 fucking points yesterday.
0.99
02:45:32.000
He's very angry because he realizes he's going to come in last.
02:45:35.000
Because he was saying yesterday, here's what's hilarious.
02:45:45.000
I go, do you have any idea what the fuck you would be saying if you were ahead by 2,300 points?
0.98
02:45:49.000
And he goes, I'd be respectful, and I'd be...
0.99
02:45:56.000
You can make a t-shirt about it, probably.
1.00
02:45:58.000
Look, this, you know, this is a rigged game.
1.00
02:46:27.000
Every Wednesday I go to pizza after karate with Mercy.
02:46:37.000
And I look at my wife and I go, isn't that Bert?
02:46:41.000
And it's a dude walking through the neighborhood just like Bert with a hat on.
0.98
02:46:45.000
I put my pizza down and go out and I go, hey, cocksucker, I see that you're drinking because it looked like he had a six-pack or whatever holding it.
1.00
02:46:53.000
And he turned around, waved at me, and kept walking.
0.98
02:47:01.000
This is a guy that, you know, I figured he'd come back and talk to me.
02:47:05.000
So the next day, Lee tells me, I tell Lee that.
02:47:08.000
I go, yeah, I saw Bert today and yelled at him.
02:47:13.000
Lee tells me that Burt put down a tweet that one of his fans yelled at him.
02:47:24.000
Dog, if I yell at you, you'll know it's fucking me if I say cocksucker at the end of the speech.
1.00
02:47:31.000
First of all, Burt knows he's behind a staggering amount.
0.99
02:47:35.000
He put in the most bitch-ass workout today.
0.99
02:47:58.000
He worked out for 40 minutes, and he kept his strap on for an hour.
02:48:05.000
So you get some points for having an elevated heart.
02:48:39.000
I'm just going to sprint for half an hour and just make these guys catch up.
0.99
02:48:45.000
Then Ari, in his fucking ingenious and devious ways, found out that you get just as many points for 80% as you get for 90%.
0.95
02:49:01.000
So you can do that, or you can be like Bert, and Bert barely gets to 70%, mostly stays in the 60% range, which is gray, and then 80%, which is, well, 60% It's like there's 50,
02:49:34.000
So if you got mad, you'd be in, like, the blue.
02:49:49.000
And if you look at this fucking slobbery workout he's got, look at all that shit.
1.00
02:49:58.000
So that means most of the workout that he did for an hour and 49 minutes is him with a fucking thing on just sitting around.
0.99
02:50:07.000
So most of it is him with the thing on just sitting there being fat.
02:50:22.000
Once I snap this in, it'll start measuring my heart rate.
02:50:25.000
And I'm going to put it on when I get out of here.
02:50:41.000
And then at 11.59, I pop that off, and I walk away.
02:50:48.000
And then I go have a glass of wine, because it hits midnight.
02:51:06.000
The amount of calories that I'm burning is fucking insane.
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02:51:10.000
I'll give you, for instance, on a day, like a good calorie day, in terms of how much...
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02:51:47.000
Like when you get your heart up to 80, is that the running?
02:52:03.000
Chin-ups, presses, cleans and presses, windmills, clean press squats, renegade rows.
02:52:20.000
Jiu-jitsu would probably be pretty good, but this thing would get in the way.
02:52:27.000
If you lost this, oh my god, it would be death.
02:52:37.000
I did an hour and a half of hitting that bag yesterday.
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02:52:39.000
You know, because I have the gym at home, so I went fucking hog on the...
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02:52:47.000
Just start fucking wailing on that bag and keeping the party going.
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02:52:51.000
But, see, if I got cocky right now, these fucks could catch me.
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02:52:58.000
Because he's probably going to sandbag some more and hide his numbers.
02:53:07.000
Because Tom put up all those points yesterday.
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02:53:15.000
He ran 13 fucking miles in his neighborhood, and this is after being sick, but he's feeling it today.
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02:53:33.000
I know that one day he was at U.S. cryotherapy because I went over there and they're like, Burt just left here.
02:53:39.000
So I knew he was doing something, but I know he hasn't been going consistently.
02:53:43.000
Bert doesn't do anything consistently, but he doesn't watch his diet either.
02:54:01.000
People think that there's a ton of shit that fucking kills you.
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02:54:10.000
They make them at my house with chia seeds and juju, goji berries.
02:54:15.000
When I'm in the middle of these brutal workouts, I'll drink a whole soda.
02:54:36.000
The one day that I worked out where I did five and a half hours, I was eating boxes of animal crackers.
02:54:46.000
When I get home from Thai or lifting and I make a protein shake, I put, I swear to God, I take the Hershey's syrup.
02:55:03.000
And with the Mexican chocolate, it works perfect.
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02:55:14.000
But see, what's happening with these workouts is you're dealing with an extreme loss of electrolytes, an extreme loss of glucose.
02:55:28.000
A bunch of these Nalgene, you know what a Nalgene bottle is?
02:55:31.000
Like with a twist top, it's a thick, heavy plastic, 32-ounce bottle of water.
02:55:36.000
I'm drinking three and four of those in a workout.
02:55:39.000
In those, I'm putting electrolytes, and then I'm putting sprinkles of Himalayan salt.
02:55:45.000
So I'm putting like a little, like a half a teaspoon of Himalayan salt in each one of them, shaking it up.
02:55:51.000
Because I am losing insane amounts of water.
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02:55:53.000
I sweat so hard, I set off the fucking alarm.
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02:55:56.000
I set off my fire alarm in my gym from sweat, from my steam.
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02:56:01.000
The whole room was like a shower from me steaming.
02:56:29.000
Those puddles on the ground, that's not for me pissing my pants.
02:56:34.000
So I'm sweating so much because I'm staying in the 80% of your max heart rate range for hours.
02:56:47.000
So my thought was, there's no way they can do that.
02:56:57.000
So if I did one day like that, I felt like one day where I got 935 points in one workout and then another 100 points afterwards.
02:57:07.000
I'm like, one day like that will separate me from the pack.
02:57:35.000
Look, I'm also at least eight years older than all of them.
02:57:54.000
Yeah, testosterone replacement therapy, hormone replacement therapy, I started doing all that when I was 40. So that's their age.
02:58:11.000
There's a stigma attached to that in a lot of people.
02:58:14.000
Like, you know, where do you get your testosterone from?
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02:58:19.000
All that matters is that you have it in your system.
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02:58:22.000
If you don't have it in your system, you're not going to feel as good.
02:58:32.000
But if you're not fine with it, this is 2018. Hormone replacement therapy exists for a reason.
02:58:38.000
And that reason is it makes you feel way better.
02:58:43.000
You can avoid a host of ailments and conditions that are related to your body breaking down due to age with hormone replacement therapy.
02:58:54.000
The key to doing it, though, is to do it correctly.
02:58:56.000
You're supposed to go to a doctor that's going to test your blood levels, test your nutrient levels, and adjust your diet first.
02:59:02.000
The first thing that happens is they want to find out how much you're sleeping, how stressed out you are, what are you eating, how much water are you drinking, are you getting the proper amount of protein and vegetables, are you eating correctly?
02:59:18.000
Let's get you off cigarettes or whatever else is before they do anything.
02:59:22.000
This is a many, many month process that I went through where they get you off all these different things and you make these adjustments.
02:59:35.000
First it was cream and then it became injections.
02:59:37.000
Takes a little bit of time to figure out what works best.
02:59:40.000
And then you get to a point where you have the hormone levels of a healthy young man.
02:59:49.000
You don't want to be in, like, some crazy Vitor Belfort when he got popped from, you know, Nevada and he was, like, some superhuman levels.
03:00:07.000
Nate Marquardt levels were really high in Pittsburgh that night.
03:00:22.000
The whole idea, well, there's a difference between, first of all, there's a big difference between someone who's competing in mixed martial arts.
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Obviously, you have to worry about your opponent getting hurt because of the fact that you're enhanced.
03:00:37.000
When Nate was doing this, he was like 30 years old, right?
03:00:40.000
When you're talking about just general health and wellness, testosterone replacement therapy, hormone replacement therapy, there's a reason why a lot of older guys, especially guys who can afford it, they have money, they're doing it, it makes you feel better.
03:00:56.000
There's ways of elevating your testosterone natural that just don't work as well.
03:01:01.000
Whether it's deadlifts or running hills, doing sprints, they work a little bit better.
03:01:09.000
They release, but not enough for what you're saying.
03:01:17.000
I know that I've discussed raising levels of testosterone through acupuncture.
03:01:32.000
If that was really proven, look, there's ways to raise it, you know.
03:01:37.000
The chick I was with for years told me different case studies that she had been involved in.
03:01:43.000
And she told me a guy came in once that found the younger girlfriend.
03:01:47.000
His wife passed, and he found the younger girlfriend.
03:01:50.000
And he couldn't keep up, so he came in to see her, and she did a bunch of stuff and put him on a tee.
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03:01:56.000
And he came back a week later and said, turn that shit off.
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03:02:03.000
But she told me, she goes, I can raise your testosterone levels, but it has to be needling through your feet.
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03:02:09.000
And you're going to find that a little bit uncomfortable.
03:02:15.000
All this stuff that we're talking about, whether it's hormone replacement therapy or squats or deadlifts, all these things will help.
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03:02:25.000
The thing about this kind of a competition that we're doing, though, we're not doing anything that you need massive amounts of testosterone.
03:02:40.000
And if I have any advantage, it's that I have a gym in my house.
03:02:46.000
And I run with my dog almost every day in the hills.
03:02:51.000
I've been taking that dog running since he was six months old.
03:03:01.000
Because it makes me feel better in terms of my mental state.
03:03:12.000
And I don't just feel great because I'm not smoking pot.
03:03:19.000
Maybe it's good to not smoke pot even though I enjoy it.
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I mean, I might smoke a little over the weekend.
03:03:33.000
I'm going to play some pool with my boy Tommy Jr. down in New York.
03:03:37.000
But the thing that really helps, because I'm doing insane amounts of exercise, hours and hours of exercise a day.
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03:03:47.000
You don't give a fuck about normal bullshit.
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03:03:50.000
Like, all the chatter, all the negative chatter in your head, that shit goes away.
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03:04:05.000
I don't suffer from depression, but I had Tyson Fury on the podcast.
03:04:13.000
He's a fucking, he's a brave man, the way he opened up about this.
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03:04:19.000
Yeah, but the way he opened up about his suicidal thoughts and depression, it doesn't just help, it helps fucking tremendously.
03:04:27.000
If I found a drug, if a doctor put me on medication, I was like, Doc, I'm fine.
03:04:33.000
The doctor's like, I would just like you to just try this for a while and tell me how it makes you feel.
03:04:39.000
And I had to take a pill a day, and I felt as good as I feel right now sitting in front of you, I would be like, wow, you were right.
03:04:47.000
This exists, but it only gets to you through discipline.
03:04:51.000
You can't give someone something that forces them to work out.
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03:04:56.000
Almost every fucking day I worked out this month, I didn't want to do it.
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03:05:02.000
The only thing that kept me doing it is Bert going, I'm going to double what Joe does.
03:05:18.000
Like, they're gonna beat me in some sort of a fitness competition that involves willpower?
03:05:29.000
When I did do it, just doing it, I feel fucking fantastic.
03:05:34.000
Well, remember the tapes you made of me in House of Blues where you were concerned?
03:05:38.000
I was like, I don't want to live no more and all that.
03:05:47.000
Since I've been on Weight Watches, I didn't hit the plateau one week because I was on antibiotics.
03:05:53.000
So when I lifted, I felt a little weird, but I still did everything else.
03:06:06.000
There's very few things that will kill your system like antibiotics.
03:06:10.000
And that's a real wake-up call for people that don't understand the benefits of probiotics.
03:06:15.000
There's probiotics like taking acidophilus or eating kimchi or eating anything that's going to help your microbiome.
03:06:22.000
It's so beneficial to your well-being, to the way you feel, the way your health is, your vitality.
03:06:36.000
I don't like the Greek as much as the other one.
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03:06:43.000
I love that shit juice, but you gotta watch the sugar in that.
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03:07:03.000
But with this exercise, the amount of exercise that I'm doing, I'll drink bottles of that shit.
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03:07:09.000
There's a lot of benefit in that to me, just to be able to eat whatever the fuck I want.
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I mean, I've been eating everything in front of me, man, this whole month.
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03:07:39.000
I don't agree with you on the meat intake anymore.
03:07:43.000
I don't fuck with that shit at night no more.
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03:07:45.000
If I eat meat, it's maybe three times a week.
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03:07:51.000
But if I take my wife out of the day for the steak, the first thing I do is cut it in half.
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And I save it for the next day for breakfast or something.
03:08:07.000
It's funny that they were talking when your mother was visiting, and you and I were talking about Italians that they can't eat pasta after they're 50, that they lose their mind.
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And I've had, I think Sebastian told me that gravy bothers him, and my buddy in Jersey was hysterical.
03:08:25.000
He's like, I can't even walk past a pizza place no more.
03:08:35.000
You get gout from sauce, from the acidity in the sauce.
03:08:42.000
Because people would just sit around and drink wine when they were rich.
03:08:45.000
It's like it was a rich person's disease way back in the day.
03:08:54.000
You know, I mean, sugar's terrible in excess.
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03:08:56.000
You have, you know, like The Rock, he eats like a fucking plate of cookies one day a week.
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Nothing wrong with a day where you fuck off, have a cheat meal.
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As long as the majority of your diet is healthy.
03:09:11.000
The majority of your diet should consist of leafy green vegetables, healthy fats, healthy meat, you know, grass-fed beef is my favorite.
03:09:28.000
One of our sponsors, what was the egg sponsor?
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03:09:32.000
I forget the sponsor, but they sell actual cage-free eggs.
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03:09:39.000
People say cage-free, but they're all fucking jammed in together.
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03:09:49.000
And the eggs that they have are fucking dark orange yolk.
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03:09:59.000
That's what a fucking egg is supposed to look like.
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03:10:06.000
I've been getting like a couple eggs a day at the moment.
03:10:22.000
I think they're just selling them in the store.
03:10:24.000
But, you know, they have services that will deliver stuff from stores to your house now.
03:10:35.000
And then they break the yolk on the fried rice together.
03:10:39.000
And then the other Cuban thing is white rice with a steak on top.
03:10:58.000
When that yolk breaks over the steak, I can't have that.
03:11:06.000
I love steak and eggs, but again, I gotta watch the fucking...
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03:11:21.000
But they have the hearty oats ones with a little bit of zero calorie maple syrup.
03:11:28.000
There's a company called Know Foods, K-N-O-W Foods, and they make waffles.
03:11:34.000
That are like, I don't know what they use, almond flour or something like that.
03:11:43.000
And they have a zero sugar syrup that tastes fucking great.
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03:11:48.000
I'll put melted butter on those motherfuckers and that zero sugar syrup and eat the shit out of those waffles.
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03:11:56.000
That fucking zero sugar syrup is fantastic.
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03:12:04.000
And when it's over, you don't feel like a fucking...
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03:12:10.000
That feeling that you get when you eat real waffles with real sugar.
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03:12:14.000
See, I never got to enjoy that shit as a kid.
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03:12:22.000
You eat these fucking things and you feel fantastic.
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03:12:31.000
I put up a thing that our boy Michael Klein made for One by One Podcast.
03:12:39.000
You can't play a man standing in front of him.
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03:12:42.000
I have no fucking problems looking at myself.
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03:12:50.000
I'm very thankful to Netflix for giving me the half hour.
03:12:55.000
I just feel at times like I didn't do really well on the show.
03:13:02.000
No, but I felt like, and not to try to be cute, it's funny when you see Rhonda get kicked, and she was sitting there for the first three minutes.
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03:13:11.000
She was upset about the kick, but you're also upset about the training.
03:13:15.000
You see all the holes in your training where you've made mistakes, little mistakes you've made.
03:13:19.000
Even two weeks ago when Connor went down for a couple minutes, he was just sitting there.
03:13:24.000
He's not thinking about the $30 million he made.
03:13:27.000
You're thinking about the mistakes that got you there.
03:13:30.000
And it was weird that I didn't think I did that well on a Netflix special.
03:14:07.000
The benefit of doing these specials is you grow.
03:14:10.000
You abandon all the material, and then you're forced to regroup, and you're forced to look at the material and look at your set, see what you don't like.
03:14:17.000
Some people never do that, Joey, and they never grow because of that.
03:14:20.000
It's just, but the growth I've had since June 4th, I feel like Dustin Poirier and Max Holloway together.
03:14:29.000
Like, in the original room now, I'm back to rare form.
03:14:46.000
I got all the vinyl from Richard Pryor and I went back and listened to it.
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03:14:49.000
I came to the conclusion that what was I giving a fuck about?
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03:14:57.000
I'm going to unleash the wrath of fucking God on you.
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03:15:01.000
And when we come out of here, we'll see what the fuck it is.
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03:15:04.000
You know, the worst thing I did was a week before, Jim Norton says something that kind of bothered me once.
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03:15:20.000
But a week before my special, I did the worst thing in the world.
03:15:23.000
I watched John Mulaney's special, who's a great writer.
03:15:37.000
Looking back now, now I got it all out of the way.
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03:15:47.000
And I'm going to say something to offend you, because that's who I am.
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03:15:52.000
You know, I don't give a fuck what anybody thinks anymore.
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03:15:55.000
But every once in a while, my wife calls it, Joey, you're having a white moment.
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03:16:31.000
I've got some shit to do before I leave for New York.
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