The Joe Rogan Experience - November 05, 2018


Joe Rogan Experience #1194 - Sober October 2 Recap

Topics
No Remember November running and minimalist shoes conflict programming skiing time on a board rhabdo polar bears Mike Tyson weed farm tour bus Garth Brooks Garth Brooks social media content dressing cool blood pressure medication Mickey Mantle Gene Sober Octobers 2 syncing running hills Laird Hamilton sharks in surfing stand-up comedy tour dates
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Sober October 2 Recap
Mentioned
Bert Kreischer Adrian Brody Dude Kelly Slater Jamie Tommy Bunz Fat Bobby Kelly Mickey Mantle Gene Adam Green Adam Curry Ricky Gervais Mike Tyson McGregor Jesus Christ Joey Diaz Tony Hinchcliffe Tom Segura Trisha Yearwood Garth Brooks Colt Cabana and 130 more
JRE MMA Show #48 with Henry Cejudo & Eric Albarracin Joe Rogan Experience #1195 - Christina P

Episode Stats


Length

4 hours and 22 minutes

Words per minute

202.27

Word count

53,130

Sentence count

7,574

Harmful content

Misogyny

141

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,771

sentences flagged

Hate speech

69

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, the guys talk about their experience in the Biggest Loser challenge, and how they dealt with the pressure of being the only person to beat the other 3 guys. We also talk about how the challenge has changed their lives and how to deal with the stress of competing against other people. And, of course, we talk about the dumbest thing we've ever done, which is watch other people do dumb things to themselves to try and get better at their fitness goals. We hope you enjoy this episode and that it gives you a little bit of perspective on what it's like to be a part of a group of people who are trying to do a fitness challenge and see how hard it is to keep up with the rest of your friends. It's a fun challenge, but it's not easy! Cheers, and Happy Holidays! -Joe, Burt, Joe, and Ari Thank you so much for doing this challenge with us, and we hope you have a very happy and healthy New Years! Thanks to everyone who joined us on this journey with us. We really appreciate all the support and support we've gotten through this challenge. We can't wait to do more of these challenges in the future. -Burt and Joe Burt and Burt - Joe Joe - Ari - Burt & Ari . Thanks for listening and supporting us, we really appreciate you guys! Joe, Joe & Burt:) Joe:) - Joe: . . . Joe: ) Ari: , Burt : . , , , . , Ari: . . . (Joe: . Joe : & : , Joe: . B. :) - B. & B. :) - Tom: (B. : ( ) - (Joe and B. ( ) - ( . ( ) - BK: - . & Joe: (Bert: ) . - A: B: B: ( ) , ( : ) (C: & B: , . ) , (B: : ) & C: ; (A: ), etc. , etc. (B): C: (C) -

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:02.000 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Boom!
00:00:07.000 It's over, boys!
00:00:08.000 Cheers!
00:00:08.000 We did it!
00:00:09.000 Cheers, cheers!
00:00:10.000 Sobroctovers! 0.99
00:00:11.000 Cheers!
00:00:12.000 Come to an end!
00:00:13.000 Cheers!
00:00:14.000 It's now No Remember November.
00:00:15.000 Here we go.
00:00:16.000 Better November.
00:00:17.000 No Remember November, I like that. 1.00
00:00:19.000 First of all, whose fucking stupid idea was it to do this goddamn fitness challenge, Tommy Bunz? 1.00
00:00:25.000 That was awful. 1.00
00:00:26.000 Last year we did a nice, calm 15 hot yogas.
00:00:30.000 Yeah.
00:00:31.000 That was also awful.
00:00:32.000 Not even close.
00:00:34.000 Not even close to this.
00:00:35.000 Not even close.
00:00:35.000 No, this was so much more difficult.
00:00:37.000 And I didn't expect this, but I like it.
00:00:40.000 I think it's fun to be competitive with your friends.
00:00:43.000 Yes.
00:00:43.000 It's a fun thing.
00:00:44.000 Not year-round, but like isolating something like this.
00:00:48.000 Once a year.
00:00:49.000 You get to see different sides of people you didn't know existed.
00:00:51.000 Oh, yeah.
00:00:52.000 Jesus Christ, Joe.
00:00:53.000 I wasn't happy for any of you.
00:00:54.000 And you worked out.
00:00:55.000 Dude, you have no idea.
00:00:56.000 I don't think anyone gets the real perspective. 0.99
00:01:00.000 When Joe is focused on something, I've never seen anything like that in my fucking life. 0.95
00:01:05.000 Well, I know the funniest, because everybody's competitive, and this brings it out. 0.98
00:01:09.000 But the funny thing was Burt being like, whatever Joe does, I'll do double.
00:01:15.000 Definitely. 1.00
00:01:16.000 He was like, fuck that. 1.00
00:01:19.000 And the other thing I didn't expect ever. 1.00
00:01:22.000 I thought Ari would just be like, whatever. 1.00
00:01:25.000 I'm just gonna walk in the East Village.
00:01:26.000 I was worried about him the most. 0.99
00:01:27.000 I didn't think you were gonna do shit. 0.99
00:01:28.000 I was worried about him the most from the beginning. 0.99
00:01:30.000 Because I know Ari's brain. 1.00
00:01:32.000 Yeah.
00:01:33.000 I'd be like, nah, I'm out. 1.00
00:01:34.000 Fuck this. 1.00
00:01:34.000 No way. 1.00
00:01:35.000 You were saying that, though. 0.99
00:01:36.000 Three days in, you were texting like, this is dumb. 0.94
00:01:38.000 No, no, [... 0.98
00:01:39.000 He says that.
00:01:40.000 Right.
00:01:41.000 This is what he's saying. 1.00
00:01:42.000 He's saying that, and he means it while he says it, but he's also like, I'm going to fucking kill these guys. 1.00
00:01:46.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:01:46.000 And then he gets really serious about it. 0.99
00:01:47.000 He gets serious.
00:01:48.000 Yeah, but I was looking for loopholes in order to trick you guys to somehow not work out.
00:01:52.000 So I thought if I could get a bunch of points all to join in seven or eight days in...
00:01:57.000 And then you could be done? 1.00
00:01:59.000 No, then I'd be like, what the fuck? 0.99
00:02:00.000 Like, yeah, I've been secretly working out, but now I'm too far away, so don't try to catch up. 0.99
00:02:05.000 Oh, right, right, right.
00:02:05.000 There was some psychological sneakery he was doing with me.
00:02:09.000 He was saying, you should just do your regular workout and see what your score's like.
00:02:12.000 Oh, yeah, that was a big one to try to control Joe.
00:02:14.000 I was a big fan of that one, too. 1.00
00:02:16.000 Just do your regular fucking weights. 1.00
00:02:18.000 Because you were entertaining that for a second. 1.00
00:02:19.000 I was in the beginning. 1.00
00:02:20.000 I was like, this is so stupid. 1.00
00:02:22.000 But then I was like, I can't lose. 1.00
00:02:24.000 And then I thought about it, and the other thing I was thinking This is what my plan was.
00:02:30.000 My plan was to keep up with you guys for two weeks.
00:02:34.000 And then after two weeks, to set aside a lot of time and about...
00:02:39.000 And then lap us?
00:02:40.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:02:41.000 Well, no, just go psycho. 0.73
00:02:42.000 I was like, I'm just going to go psycho.
00:02:44.000 I'm going to put a pace that I don't think anybody else can keep up with for the last two weeks.
00:02:49.000 The last two weeks, I just said, I'm going to put in some 600-point days.
00:02:54.000 I put in 1,000-point day.
00:02:56.000 Dude, that's when I stopped looking at you.
00:03:00.000 For context...
00:03:00.000 Like, I was looking at the...
00:03:01.000 When we started this month, and I put in my 700-point day, everyone was a little bit like, wow, Bert.
00:03:07.000 By the way, I ran almost a marathon that day. 0.99
00:03:09.000 Have no fucking clue. 1.00
00:03:10.000 I was just looking at my goddamn phone the whole time. 1.00
00:03:12.000 Just checking the points. 0.99
00:03:14.000 So people don't know what the points are.
00:03:16.000 We'll explain.
00:03:16.000 If you get 70% of your max heart rate, that's 3 points a minute.
00:03:20.000 If you get 80% of your max heart rate or above, that's 4 points a minute.
00:03:24.000 So we all try to stay in the 80 range because that's where you get your money.
00:03:28.000 So a heavy workout for an hour in that range of 80 to 100, a heavy workout gives you 240 points.
00:03:34.000 That's if you're maxed out for 60 minutes.
00:03:37.000 That just gives you context.
00:03:38.000 One day I did a 935 point workout.
00:03:43.000 It was over after that.
00:03:45.000 Tom and I were talking. 0.96
00:03:46.000 I was in New York and he called me and was like, dude, he's just fucking going, dragging elk around. 0.95
00:03:51.000 He has it on the whole time. 0.95
00:03:53.000 He's dragging elk around.
00:03:53.000 No, that wasn't even that one.
00:03:55.000 That was the elk hunting day.
00:03:57.000 It was mostly a hiking mountains day.
00:04:00.000 That was like a 600 point day.
00:04:02.000 Oh, no.
00:04:02.000 That's when you were there and you were actually working out in the mountains as well.
00:04:06.000 Yeah, we thought we had you stopped. 0.99
00:04:07.000 I was like, what the fuck? 0.99
00:04:08.000 I would have been like, guys, I'm elk hunting. 0.99
00:04:11.000 I made the mistake of jokingly saying, oh, I got him.
00:04:16.000 Joe's on an elk hunting vacation. 0.99
00:04:18.000 And the hunters were like, dude, it's not a fucking vacation. 0.99
00:04:20.000 It's work. 0.99
00:04:21.000 And I was like, easy, guys.
00:04:24.000 Well, you got a backpack on and you can walk as many as, the most I've ever walked is 12 miles in a day.
00:04:29.000 And you're walking up and down in elevation, you're going up and down. 0.96
00:04:32.000 Like, I saved it one day because it was so ridiculous because I'd gone up and down, I forget it, like 130 flights of stairs, something fucking crazy.
00:04:42.000 But you ended up getting your, what did you shoot on this hunt? 0.93
00:04:45.000 A thousand pound elk.
00:04:47.000 Yeah, it was a big elk.
00:04:48.000 You got it like relatively quickly, right?
00:04:49.000 Yeah, on the first day.
00:04:50.000 Thank God.
00:04:51.000 So then I came back.
00:04:52.000 We just kept going more those days.
00:04:54.000 I came back, but the 935 point day, that was my big day.
00:04:58.000 Well, it was a thousand points.
00:04:59.000 Because I did 935 in the day, and then I did a podcast, and then I did 100 later on in the day.
00:05:05.000 Okay.
00:05:06.000 Does the family see you guys anymore?
00:05:08.000 No.
00:05:08.000 Yeah, that's what I was wondering.
00:05:10.000 There was, like, I didn't have...
00:05:12.000 Part of it was time management.
00:05:15.000 I suffered socially from this.
00:05:17.000 The huge part was, like, who had the most time to spend in the gym?
00:05:21.000 Yeah.
00:05:22.000 I was here two Mondays ago, or last Monday, and it was popping night at the comedy store.
00:05:26.000 I was going to hang out with everybody, you know?
00:05:28.000 And then it was, like...
00:05:30.000 Nah, it's 10 o'clock.
00:05:31.000 I gotta get a couple hours in.
00:05:33.000 Your workouts were so late.
00:05:36.000 I gotta say this. 1.00
00:05:38.000 Fuck you with you posting your goddamn workouts in the middle of the night. 1.00
00:05:41.000 It was so deflating to go to sleep going, I've got a 200-point lead, and to wake up and go, how am I 600 points behind? 1.00
00:05:48.000 I tried to break spirit.
00:05:50.000 Because that's the other thing.
00:05:51.000 Ari went through when he got this tracker, and he found out all the workarounds. 0.97
00:05:55.000 So he would build up work points in his tracker, and then he'd Bluetooth it in the middle of the fucking night. 0.85
00:06:01.000 No, I'd also do the workouts there. 0.98
00:06:02.000 He'd work out.
00:06:02.000 He was doing workouts at like 10 p.m.
00:06:04.000 I'd come home from the cellar at 1.30 a.m., and then I'd be like, let me change and go out there.
00:06:07.000 He would go out to the gym at 2 in the morning.
00:06:10.000 Oh, you were going at...
00:06:11.000 Yeah.
00:06:11.000 Yeah.
00:06:12.000 I thought you were uploading in the middle of the night.
00:06:14.000 No.
00:06:15.000 You can see the time that he was actually doing it.
00:06:18.000 Yeah, the freaks were out.
00:06:20.000 For a second, Tom and I thought that because Ari was so out of shape, his heart rate was just skyrocketing like Ralphie walking up stairs.
00:06:27.000 And then Ari and I went on a walk, on a hike, And I was in the yellow the whole time, and Ari was barely in green.
00:06:34.000 And I was like, oh, he's in really good shape.
00:06:36.000 And then you did that day with Joe.
00:06:38.000 The best is that he really bought that theory really hard.
00:06:39.000 That it was just that me was out of shape.
00:06:42.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:06:42.000 And he was saying it a lot.
00:06:44.000 Dude, I texted Rogan and Tom about it.
00:06:47.000 I was like, Ari's not doing anything.
00:06:49.000 He's barely walking, but because he's out of shape.
00:06:50.000 Oh, he was selling it so hard.
00:06:52.000 And then I called him.
00:06:52.000 I go, how'd it go on the hike?
00:06:53.000 He's definitely better in shape than me.
00:06:56.000 Immediately.
00:06:56.000 Well, it's a psychological thing.
00:06:59.000 You don't want to think that a guy who hasn't been working out at all is in good shape.
00:07:03.000 But I think you pushed yourself through the first week or two, and then you got in good shape.
00:07:08.000 And then I kept going.
00:07:09.000 Okay, first of all, I had fallback plans.
00:07:11.000 Okay, what was the plans?
00:07:13.000 Okay, Michelle Wolfe offered to give, let me just have her wear the thing. 1.00
00:07:18.000 Wow.
00:07:19.000 From day one, that was definitely the fallback.
00:07:20.000 Tommy, I knew that was going to happen regardless.
00:07:22.000 Is she a workout fiend? 1.00
00:07:23.000 Oh yeah, she runs 10 miles a day, every day. 1.00
00:07:25.000 And when I asked her, I was like, hey, would you wear this thing for me if I needed you to?
00:07:29.000 She goes...
00:07:29.000 I know what you're talking about.
00:07:31.000 Absolutely, I'll wear it for you.
00:07:33.000 I will stay in the right zone.
00:07:35.000 I'll tell no one.
00:07:36.000 She feels left out.
00:07:38.000 She thinks she would laugh all of us. 0.99
00:07:40.000 She's a beast. 1.00
00:07:40.000 Yeah, she goes crazy. 1.00
00:07:41.000 She probably would.
00:07:42.000 None of this is what we do.
00:07:44.000 I don't do long cardio sessions.
00:07:46.000 I did five and a half hours on an elliptical after running for an hour.
00:07:52.000 What?!
00:07:53.000 Yeah.
00:07:53.000 This is how you get one of those crazy days?
00:07:55.000 That's how I got 935 points.
00:07:56.000 I ran for an hour and then I stayed in the elliptical for five and a half hours.
00:08:01.000 You would see it going. 0.99
00:08:01.000 You'd check in and be like, fucking Rogan got 300 points. 0.99
00:08:03.000 And then you'd talk and you'd check back in 30 minutes later and be like, oh no, it's still going. 0.99
00:08:07.000 It's still going. 1.00
00:08:08.000 What the fuck? 0.99
00:08:09.000 Well, I wanted to see how far I could go. 1.00
00:08:11.000 The thought was, when you're tired, how tired are you?
00:08:15.000 Can you take another step?
00:08:17.000 Okay.
00:08:17.000 Can you take two?
00:08:18.000 Okay.
00:08:19.000 Can you take three?
00:08:20.000 Can you just keep going?
00:08:21.000 I bet you can keep going.
00:08:22.000 Let's see how long you can keep going.
00:08:24.000 And then you get to this point where you just think about breathing.
00:08:28.000 Just think about breathing.
00:08:29.000 That's what I was thinking about.
00:08:30.000 I was just thinking about in and outs and just trying to stay, almost like a meditative state, trying to stay in the zone.
00:08:34.000 And I was pouring sweat.
00:08:36.000 I set off the fire alarm.
00:08:38.000 That's right.
00:08:38.000 Because there was so much steam.
00:08:39.000 I've never seen that before.
00:08:41.000 It set off the fire alarm.
00:08:42.000 That's nuts.
00:08:43.000 That was like four hours in.
00:08:44.000 I feel like that's a story most people don't get to tell about themselves, you know?
00:08:48.000 Dude, it was madness.
00:08:49.000 This is not how I work out.
00:08:51.000 I work out for maybe an hour at most.
00:08:54.000 I hit the bag.
00:08:55.000 I'll do some rounds.
00:08:56.000 I'll lift a little weights.
00:08:57.000 I'm not trying to kill myself.
00:08:59.000 This was very interesting because I didn't know how my body would respond to a month of psychotic exercise.
00:09:08.000 Did you guys do the things where you'd be like, the voices say, you gotta quit.
00:09:13.000 Quit.
00:09:13.000 Take a walk for a little bit and then go back and do it.
00:09:15.000 And then if you just go like, oh, I'm at 4.8 miles, let me just go until 5. Or like, I'm almost at halfway through this hour, so let me just get to 30 minutes and it'll be downhill.
00:09:24.000 I can stop there. 0.96
00:09:25.000 It fucked with my obsessive compulsiveness really bad. 0.95
00:09:27.000 Yeah.
00:09:28.000 Because I get to the place where I go, alright, I just want to get to 200 points. 0.92
00:09:32.000 And then I'd be like, oh shit, I'm only at 950 calories. 0.95
00:09:34.000 I want to get to 1,000 calories. 0.99
00:09:37.000 I'm like, oh, I'm right by 220. I want to get to 220. And then it gets to a point where I believe it's like you get in the zone where you go, I'm just going to keep going.
00:09:46.000 Everyone's asleep.
00:09:46.000 I'm going to keep walking.
00:09:48.000 And dude, it got bad with me. 0.70
00:09:50.000 To the point where, I mean, we should talk about physical breakdowns in a little bit, because I know all of us dealt with some sort of physical breakdown, but I was having nightmares that you guys had fucked with my tracker and put it in that I was younger and lighter, so I wasn't earning the... 0.69
00:10:05.000 I'm not even joking. 0.82
00:10:06.000 Oh, really?
00:10:07.000 In a panic? 1.00
00:10:09.000 In a panic and checked my fucking stats on my phone. 1.00
00:10:11.000 That's hilarious. 1.00
00:10:12.000 Somebody got into your shit and hacked it. 1.00
00:10:14.000 And I was like, these my goats, I wouldn't put it past them. 1.00
00:10:18.000 Yeah, you get that point.
00:10:19.000 Can I tell you my other cheat?
00:10:20.000 Yeah.
00:10:20.000 Okay, I figured out pretty quickly that the way they do your max heart rate is your age minus...
00:10:27.000 No, a certain number minus your age.
00:10:29.000 And then you get it from there.
00:10:31.000 Then when you actually run, it'll move up or down from there.
00:10:33.000 But right away, I was like, oh, okay. 1.00
00:10:37.000 So I entered my age, and before I started, I wrote to the MyZone people and said, my idiot wife... 1.00
00:10:42.000 Wrote my age in wrong. 0.94
00:10:43.000 I'm actually 74. I was born in 44, not 74 and 44 the other way.
00:10:49.000 I'm like, alright, we'll change it for you, sir.
00:10:51.000 What?
00:10:52.000 Yeah.
00:10:53.000 So you put the 70-year-old man profile?
00:10:55.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:10:57.000 Hold on.
00:10:57.000 Wait, hold on.
00:10:58.000 Hold on.
00:11:00.000 The whole month you worked out as a 74-year-old man?
00:11:02.000 No, I could have done that.
00:11:03.000 The problem is I already set it as the other thing.
00:11:05.000 And so it'll say you have to then...
00:11:08.000 You have to have a brand new thing.
00:11:10.000 It didn't work.
00:11:11.000 So you stuck as a 44. It would have been great for me to just walk around casually earning yellow the whole time.
00:11:18.000 Which I could have gotten.
00:11:19.000 That would have been insane.
00:11:20.000 Yeah.
00:11:21.000 That was definitely a good cheat in my mind. 1.00
00:11:23.000 When that went wrong, I was like, fuck. 0.99
00:11:24.000 I feel like that one would have disqualified you. 1.00
00:11:28.000 For sure.
00:11:28.000 I would never have told you that.
00:11:31.000 I'm still on the fence with these fucking five hour hikes he was taking. 0.99
00:11:34.000 Well, listen, man. 0.99
00:11:35.000 Hiking is work.
00:11:37.000 It is work.
00:11:38.000 You're going uphill for a long distance. 1.00
00:11:40.000 I don't give a fuck, you guys. 1.00
00:11:41.000 Or it's hard. 1.00
00:11:42.000 No, of course you did.
00:11:43.000 You did.
00:11:43.000 You did.
00:11:44.000 Here's the deal.
00:11:44.000 I saw him here on the rowing machine going hard for an hour.
00:11:50.000 I watched it on my phone.
00:11:52.000 It's hard when you go uphill. 0.99
00:11:53.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00
00:11:54.000 Dude, you earned it. 1.00
00:11:55.000 You earned it. 0.95
00:11:56.000 I'm not gonna shit on that at all. 1.00
00:11:57.000 I went on fucking hikes. 0.99
00:11:59.000 I think we should really, really keep ourselves from judging how hard other people work. 0.99
00:12:05.000 Every time I did that!
00:12:06.000 Every time!
00:12:07.000 Somebody got a big score.
00:12:08.000 I was like, what'd you do?
00:12:09.000 You cheated.
00:12:10.000 How'd you cheat?
00:12:10.000 What'd you do?
00:12:11.000 Dude, my hardest workout scored the shittiest.
00:12:13.000 My hardest workouts are running the hills and lifting weights.
00:12:16.000 If I run the hills, it gives me almost 40 points less than if I just rode a bike or rode an elliptical machine.
00:12:25.000 Because you stayed in the zone.
00:12:26.000 And you go up and down.
00:12:27.000 You have to pause.
00:12:27.000 And the way I do it is I run hard and I take breaks.
00:12:31.000 I take a deep breath when I get to the top of one hill. 0.99
00:12:34.000 He strokes his dick the whole time too, so that's difficult. 1.00
00:12:37.000 I rub my balls gently with my left hand, and I give myself another sprint until I can't. 0.99
00:12:41.000 I have these points where I know I can make it to if I go full clip, and then I try to extend it a little bit, and I keep trying to extend it. 0.99
00:12:48.000 But when I do that, I'm going in the red.
00:12:51.000 And on top of going in the red, it's like lifting weights.
00:12:55.000 You need recovery time.
00:12:57.000 And in recovery time, your heart rate crashes way low.
00:12:59.000 You could just do the elliptical machine and just put it at like 15 resistance so it's got some give to it.
00:13:06.000 You start sweating.
00:13:07.000 Then you get into a zone.
00:13:09.000 It's way easier.
00:13:11.000 A machine makes it all easy.
00:13:13.000 Because you just get into a zone and you just got to be strong.
00:13:16.000 I think the thing with those, I mean, even though, like, if you do an intense workout, recovery is going to be, you know, you're going to need it, you're going to feel it.
00:13:24.000 If you do those for, like, days in a row, there is still a fatigue, right?
00:13:30.000 There's fatigue, but there's not...
00:13:31.000 I would weaken over the month.
00:13:32.000 What was getting me was the pounding, the running up the hills.
00:13:36.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:13:37.000 There's no pounding on the elliptical.
00:13:38.000 Exactly.
00:13:39.000 Your foot stays in it.
00:13:40.000 My feet were starting to hurt by the end because I was running miles in the hills every day with those minimalist shoes on.
00:13:47.000 Yeah.
00:13:47.000 Which, man, those things, they really do work.
00:13:51.000 Like, they really do work.
00:13:52.000 But the way they work is they make your feet work harder. 0.99
00:13:55.000 So if your feet aren't conditioned for that shit, man, your feet are, like, one of the first things that wear out. 0.98
00:14:01.000 Like, a nice, spongy running shoe is just so much, like, smush, smush every time you step on things. 0.99
00:14:07.000 If you get that and it's gone, and you have this really thin layer of rubber with some tread, it's just your foot hitting the ground over and over and over again.
00:14:16.000 There's very little padding.
00:14:17.000 Almost none.
00:14:18.000 Were you using the Ultras as well?
00:14:20.000 The running shoe, the Ultra?
00:14:22.000 I was using one called Zero, and I was using one called Vivo, Vivo Barefoot.
00:14:29.000 They're my favorite ones.
00:14:30.000 They're really good.
00:14:31.000 Because I was wearing the five-toe ones, but... 0.99
00:14:33.000 I keep jamming my toes into shit. 0.99
00:14:35.000 I'm running hard. 0.99
00:14:36.000 I'm tired. 0.98
00:14:37.000 Because I'm fucking exhausted. 0.96
00:14:38.000 I need something that covers all the toes so I don't jam one into a rock because I'm just too exhausted. 0.94
00:14:44.000 Can you walk me through what a regular workout was for you?
00:14:47.000 I'd be curious what everyone's regular workout was.
00:14:50.000 What I would do is if I would run, I would run for an hour.
00:14:54.000 Just an hour.
00:14:55.000 Just take my dog. 0.91
00:14:56.000 Treadmill.
00:14:56.000 Run through the hills.
00:14:57.000 Oh yeah, run in the hills.
00:14:59.000 Because it's two things.
00:15:00.000 One, he needs exercise.
00:15:02.000 He's young.
00:15:03.000 He loves to run with me.
00:15:05.000 And two, it's a real good form of exercise.
00:15:09.000 I know it's more beneficial than the elliptical machine.
00:15:12.000 It's got to be. 1.00
00:15:13.000 It made my ass bigger. 1.00
00:15:15.000 It made my legs bigger. 1.00
00:15:16.000 They all got bigger.
00:15:17.000 Especially, I feel weight...
00:15:20.000 Pants fit different.
00:15:21.000 Really?
00:15:21.000 Yeah.
00:15:22.000 Really?
00:15:22.000 Yeah, because I've only been doing this for like two years.
00:15:24.000 Pushing yourself up.
00:15:25.000 Plus, also, your own nature has got to be healthy for you, too.
00:15:28.000 Oh, yeah.
00:15:28.000 For sure.
00:15:29.000 Oh, yeah.
00:15:29.000 But before that, I was doing just weightlifting stuff for my legs.
00:15:32.000 I would do like squats, or I would do cleans and presses and overheads, you know, do like presses with the kettlebells overhead and stuff like that, which is all great.
00:15:40.000 It's all really good stuff, but it's not sustained motion.
00:15:43.000 There's something about the sustained motion of running hills that I think boosts your vitality.
00:15:48.000 It gives you more energy.
00:15:50.000 I agree.
00:15:51.000 Because you have to work so, to run a hill is one of the more difficult things to do in exercise. 0.85
00:15:56.000 It's just, you gotta fucking just get, you're basically doing like bodyweight squats with one leg over and over and over again. 0.97
00:16:02.000 God, it sucks when you're going uphill, you got a 45 degree. 0.99
00:16:03.000 It's hard, man.
00:16:04.000 It's hard.
00:16:05.000 But it's so beneficial.
00:16:07.000 When I went to hitting the bags, what I would do is, on days I would do that, I would run and then I would get on the elliptical machine, or I'd run and I'd get on the bike, or the echo bike, which is like an airdyne, beefed up airdyne machine.
00:16:20.000 Those things fuck you up.
00:16:21.000 Or that assault thing, the assault fitness treadmill. 0.98
00:16:24.000 Do you like that?
00:16:24.000 I love it.
00:16:26.000 Fucking hard. 0.95
00:16:27.000 It's really hard. 0.99
00:16:28.000 It's not a treadmill.
00:16:29.000 It's not enjoyable.
00:16:30.000 It's an extra bump harder than running on the road.
00:16:33.000 Harder than running on the road.
00:16:34.000 Much harder than running on the road.
00:16:36.000 Why would they make it harder than that?
00:16:37.000 It's for real athletes.
00:16:39.000 Because it's self-powered and it's really beneficial.
00:16:41.000 You gave up your other treadmill for that one?
00:16:43.000 It was a mistake.
00:16:44.000 No!
00:16:45.000 No, it was not, Bert.
00:16:46.000 It was the right move.
00:16:48.000 It's harder than running.
00:16:50.000 I had that in my man cave.
00:16:51.000 That was my go-to at the end of the night, was get on that thing.
00:16:54.000 And, dude, that was not forgiving.
00:16:56.000 I'm so glad I wore you out and you couldn't do it real.
00:16:58.000 It's called an air assault fitness trainer.
00:17:01.000 That's the Air Runner. 1.00
00:17:03.000 Yeah, that thing is supposed to be at least 30% harder. 1.00
00:17:06.000 It's the shit. 1.00
00:17:08.000 I love it. 1.00
00:17:10.000 I love it.
00:17:10.000 I get on that thing, it's like, whoa, we're going to work.
00:17:11.000 I texted you when I saw you got it, and I was like, you like that?
00:17:14.000 And you're like, I love it.
00:17:15.000 And I was like, I'm out.
00:17:17.000 It doesn't hurt your knees.
00:17:18.000 It's not pounding.
00:17:19.000 It's got a good amount of give to it because it's got this tread to it, and it's just got enough shock so that as you're running, you don't feel like it's a big pounding on your joints, but it's all self-propelled. 0.98
00:17:29.000 So you really get a good rhythm going, and your fucking legs get tired. 0.93
00:17:32.000 What's great for it is sprinting on it. 0.99
00:17:34.000 You can get up and sprint, and your sprints, that really raised your heart rate.
00:17:38.000 I think the key also, here's a big key, you've got to be distracted.
00:17:42.000 You've got to be able to either be distracted by meditating and getting into some sort of a weird breathing zone, or you've got to listen to podcasts, or you've got to listen to music.
00:17:51.000 For me, books on tape did the best for when I was out in the wild.
00:17:57.000 If I was out in the wild, I was listening to books on tape.
00:18:00.000 Thinking about something distracted me from the physical exertion of exercise.
00:18:04.000 But indoors, two things helped.
00:18:08.000 Violent movies.
00:18:10.000 In fights.
00:18:11.000 Watching fights.
00:18:12.000 I like watching games.
00:18:13.000 Because they get your heart rate jacked up.
00:18:15.000 When you're watching a fight, you get your heart rate jacked up. 0.99
00:18:17.000 And you're watching guys get hit, and you're fucking on this thing. 0.98
00:18:20.000 Before you know it, you sweat as puddles. 0.99
00:18:22.000 I watch a bunch of football.
00:18:23.000 And then during timeouts, you can do whatever.
00:18:26.000 Well, I would do the thing where you're just kind of going, going, but I noticed there was like a punt return or a kickoff return.
00:18:35.000 When I watched Gladiator, there was a giant spike whenever there was sword fights.
00:18:42.000 And I was like, oh my God, that's what I'm doing.
00:18:44.000 I'm allowing myself to get so caught up in this movie that I'm like fighting.
00:18:50.000 I'm going to break this one.
00:18:51.000 I'm going to break it right now.
00:18:53.000 Yeah, I got excited.
00:18:54.000 Is it in the red?
00:18:55.000 Dude, I gotta give a shout-out to Run the Jewels. 1.00
00:18:57.000 Run the Jewels is perfect fucking canyon running. 0.99
00:19:01.000 Dude, Run the Jewels, Killer Mike. 0.99
00:19:04.000 Dude, run them jewels fast. 1.00
00:19:06.000 Run them, run them jewels. 1.00
00:19:07.000 That's perfect momentum, dude.
00:19:09.000 I listen to nothing.
00:19:10.000 When I think...
00:19:12.000 When I think about this month, I'll think of two things. 0.94
00:19:16.000 I'll thank God it's over, and I'll think of Run the Goddamn Jewels, because that's all I listen to running. 0.95
00:19:21.000 Dude, that's a great running song, and a great running song will give you like 10% more energy.
00:19:26.000 Oh, yeah.
00:19:26.000 When it kicks in to overdrive on some song, you're like, oh wait, it's this one?
00:19:29.000 And then you're waiting for the beat to drop, and you just start going and going.
00:19:33.000 Oh, yeah.
00:19:33.000 I get real excited.
00:19:35.000 I'll sprint for it.
00:19:35.000 I feel like I'm going to fight somebody.
00:19:37.000 If I put on a lot of Public Enemy, and just put it on a mix of Public Enemy, I'll feel like I'm going...
00:19:42.000 Well, that's good, too.
00:19:43.000 That's good, too.
00:19:44.000 You know what got me through the first week?
00:19:45.000 And then I realized I could run with you guys.
00:19:49.000 I was like, oh, I think I'm okay.
00:19:52.000 Watching all your specials. 0.99
00:19:53.000 I brought the fucking Netflix thing out there. 0.99
00:19:55.000 I watch each of your Netflix specials. 1.00
00:19:57.000 For real?
00:19:57.000 Yeah, got me through the first whole week.
00:19:58.000 The whole time you're running, you're going, ha!
00:20:04.000 Did you write any jokes while you were running?
00:20:09.000 I don't think I did.
00:20:10.000 I didn't write any jokes about the gym. 1.00
00:20:11.000 I wrote so many goddamn jokes. 0.99
00:20:13.000 Really? 1.00
00:20:13.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:20:14.000 Did you really? 1.00
00:20:15.000 Oh, fuck, yeah. 1.00
00:20:16.000 I smiled at a woman when I was jogging, and I said, the joke was, I only smiled and know I'm not having a stroke. 1.00
00:20:22.000 I'm not flirting with you, honey.
00:20:24.000 I'm just trying to not have a stroke.
00:20:26.000 Dude, I went to a dark place.
00:20:28.000 Yeah.
00:20:28.000 Went to a dark place.
00:20:29.000 And you took us with you, okay?
00:20:31.000 Well, I was like, I'm going to win.
00:20:35.000 That was my thought.
00:20:36.000 I was like, whatever you think you can do, let's keep going.
00:20:40.000 Let's see what happens.
00:20:41.000 That's a weird switch that goes off.
00:20:43.000 It's like, let's see who's willing to die.
00:20:47.000 It became the contest.
00:20:48.000 The last week or so was dangerous.
00:20:50.000 Dude, it got tricky when I started pissing iced tea.
00:20:53.000 A lot of people were asking me about it.
00:20:55.000 It's just dehydration.
00:20:56.000 That's all it is.
00:20:57.000 That's not just.
00:20:58.000 Dude, people would message us, by the way. 0.98
00:21:00.000 Joe's gonna die.
00:21:02.000 I'm okay, I didn't get rhabdo, but some people were upset.
00:21:05.000 They wanted me almost to get it because I've always ragged on these CrossFit guys to get it.
00:21:09.000 I have not ragged on them.
00:21:11.000 What I've said is that I have heard some negative opinions about CrossFits from experts that I trust, like Steve Maxwell.
00:21:18.000 I'm not a fitness expert by any stretch of the imagination.
00:21:21.000 I don't know whether CrossFit's bad or good, and I bet it's probably based on your application.
00:21:27.000 The way you do it, because if somebody asked me, is jujitsu good for your body?
00:21:30.000 I'd be like, well, I've had a bunch of surgeries.
00:21:33.000 Everybody I know has had surgeries.
00:21:35.000 Everybody I know that does jujitsu, Ari gets, he didn't even get his blue belt and he got surgery.
00:21:39.000 Yeah, but I will say before we started this podcast, Joe did say those CrossFit people are tree-hugging hippies who want to get their yoga black belt.
00:21:48.000 I want a yoga black belt.
00:21:49.000 I'd love a yoga black belt.
00:21:51.000 I'm like a blue belt in yoga. 0.88
00:21:52.000 Dude, halfway through the month, I told Tom this the other day, and he laughed, so I tried it on stage and it worked, but I stopped producing semen.
00:22:01.000 Just coughing dust? 0.99
00:22:02.000 Dude, my dick had the dry heaves, just... 1.00
00:22:04.000 People ask me, it's like, did your sex drive go up? 0.99
00:22:07.000 And I wanted to be like, yeah, but then I was like, no.
00:22:10.000 I had no energy for that.
00:22:11.000 Probably so tired.
00:22:12.000 So tired.
00:22:13.000 Dude, how about those sleeps, though? 0.99
00:22:15.000 I was sleeping like a fucking perfect person, like a baby. 0.99
00:22:18.000 Most of the time. 0.99
00:22:19.000 You know what I noticed?
00:22:20.000 It's a big one for me.
00:22:21.000 It really might make me change the way I live.
00:22:24.000 Zero anxiety.
00:22:26.000 Zero negative chatter.
00:22:28.000 Zero chatter.
00:22:30.000 There's a realistic view of the world that you get from rigorous exercise.
00:22:37.000 And this is my theory.
00:22:39.000 I'm not a biologist.
00:22:42.000 We have too much of a history as a species of constantly avoiding danger.
00:22:47.000 And I think we live in a place that's far too safe for our natural instincts.
00:22:51.000 And so we're constantly looking for things to be bad, or looking for things to be dangerous, or confronting our own mortality and putting it on the back burner and letting all that weirdness manifest itself in all sorts of other fears.
00:23:04.000 Fears about the government, fears about economics, and fears about this.
00:23:08.000 And I think we're dealing with this as human beings all the time.
00:23:12.000 And I think there's only a certain amount you can do.
00:23:14.000 And I think when you have rigorous exercise, it puts in perspective what that certain amount actually is and what you can control as a person.
00:23:23.000 That you can just chill your body out and look at this whole thing for what it is.
00:23:28.000 It is what it is.
00:23:29.000 You know, we're going to be fine or we're not.
00:23:31.000 And then it won't matter.
00:23:33.000 But this whole thing that we do when we do this, we do this because our body has a need for exercise.
00:23:39.000 It has a built-in need. 0.99
00:23:41.000 It's got an engine that needs to be pushed, and if you don't push it, it starts fucking with you. 1.00
00:23:45.000 It starts fucking with you and asking you weird questions like, who the fuck's that guy think he is? 1.00
00:23:49.000 Like, it wants to start problems. 1.00
00:23:51.000 It wants to get upset at things that don't make any sense to be upset at.
00:23:54.000 It wants conflict.
00:23:55.000 There's a part of you that wants conflict because it thinks that conflict's a part of the programming.
00:24:00.000 It's because it's been our way for millions of years. 0.98
00:24:02.000 So whatever the fuck we were then to whatever the fuck we are now, there's been conflict along the way. 0.99
00:24:07.000 People have been trying to eat us. 1.00
00:24:08.000 Things have been trying to kill us.
00:24:09.000 And this is the only time ever that there's none of that. 0.99
00:24:12.000 And I think the only time you could see things with perspective is when you blow out all the biological shit. 1.00
00:24:17.000 Whether it's jerk off. 0.99
00:24:19.000 Like, how many times have you jerked off and then had a totally different opinion of a person about... 0.99
00:24:26.000 Like, you've jerked off and not called people. 0.97
00:24:28.000 Like, why would I call this person after I just jerked off? 0.98
00:24:31.000 Like, no. 0.98
00:24:32.000 Now I see what this hole is.
00:24:35.000 This is some weird biological trick. 1.00
00:24:37.000 I'm playing some stupid game. 1.00
00:24:39.000 I'm so high. 1.00
00:24:42.000 High as fuck. 1.00
00:24:43.000 Dude, I love... 1.00
00:24:44.000 I'll tell you what this one month did for me.
00:24:46.000 What?
00:24:47.000 It got me back in spin class.
00:24:48.000 I love spin class, man. 0.99
00:24:49.000 Powerful gay bird. 0.99
00:24:50.000 I fucking love it, dude. 1.00
00:24:52.000 I love it. 0.97
00:24:53.000 Good for you, man.
00:24:54.000 Do you like the music?
00:24:55.000 No, I like the station.
00:24:56.000 What does it just make you spin as fast as slow as it speeds?
00:24:58.000 SoulCycle.
00:24:58.000 It just...
00:24:58.000 You close your eyes.
00:24:59.000 And you remember when we talked and I said...
00:25:01.000 I had Bob Harper as my spin teacher one time. 0.99
00:25:03.000 And the thing he said about wanting me to go back and fuck people I grew up with or whatever. 0.98
00:25:06.000 Is Bob Parker the Kobe Bryant of spin classes? 0.99
00:25:09.000 Yeah.
00:25:09.000 Yeah, he's from Biggest Loser, Bob Harper.
00:25:12.000 Oh, okay.
00:25:12.000 And so I got...
00:25:13.000 Did you guys know who he was?
00:25:14.000 No, I have no idea who that was.
00:25:15.000 I was a big Biggest Loser fan.
00:25:17.000 I love that show.
00:25:19.000 But I like the way they talk to you.
00:25:25.000 It seems fun.
00:25:26.000 I like closing my eyes.
00:25:27.000 I like the first break of sweat.
00:25:29.000 I love what I love.
00:25:31.000 And I have to say, I have to give props to people more than anything.
00:25:35.000 Ari doing that rower redefined the way I had to look at working out. 1.00
00:25:40.000 Because I went, he was an 80%.
00:25:42.000 Like, I know what 80% feels like.
00:25:44.000 He was there for an hour. 0.98
00:25:45.000 On a rower, it's fucking hard. 0.99
00:25:46.000 That was a tough one. 0.99
00:25:47.000 Some of them were harder than others to keep at 80%.
00:25:49.000 Viking was way harder.
00:25:50.000 Did you know you were capable of it?
00:25:52.000 Seriously, did you know?
00:25:54.000 No.
00:25:54.000 I thought he was capable of it.
00:25:55.000 I did not.
00:25:56.000 Running and stuff, that's fine.
00:25:58.000 I could sort of do that, but I didn't know quite how much.
00:26:00.000 80% on a rower.
00:26:02.000 Ari's angry. 0.95
00:26:03.000 Yeah.
00:26:04.000 Ari's an angry person. 1.00
00:26:06.000 Really?
00:26:06.000 Yes.
00:26:07.000 Even when he's playful, angry.
00:26:09.000 That's my zen spot.
00:26:10.000 But even when Ari's playful, angry, it's still energy.
00:26:14.000 Right. 1.00
00:26:14.000 Like that anger, like the anger that he gave everybody on that fucking podcast. 1.00
00:26:18.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:26:18.000 You know what he did? 0.99
00:26:19.000 Yeah, you're a hate cast.
00:26:20.000 One of my favorite podcasts ever. 1.00
00:26:22.000 Ari's hiking around, doing a podcast, talking shit about us. 0.98
00:26:25.000 Trying to stay at 70%. 0.99
00:26:26.000 It's brilliant.
00:26:27.000 It's brilliant.
00:26:28.000 But it's energy.
00:26:30.000 See, that kind of anger, that's either in you or it's not.
00:26:34.000 And I knew Ari had it.
00:26:36.000 It's a matter of getting the old engine fired up again.
00:26:38.000 He's not too old.
00:26:39.000 I knew you used to play basketball a lot.
00:26:43.000 That was one of my resolutions this year, was to go to the gym like once a week.
00:26:47.000 Like something attainable.
00:26:48.000 And I still hadn't done it until then.
00:26:50.000 Jesus, man.
00:26:50.000 Well, I remember when you did jujitsu, you were very enthusiastic about it.
00:26:55.000 And I remember you were fucking trying hard. 0.91
00:26:57.000 And I remember one time you legitimately swept me. 0.98
00:27:00.000 Legitimately swept me.
00:27:02.000 Yes, you did.
00:27:03.000 And I was a brown belt.
00:27:04.000 I was a brown belt at the time.
00:27:06.000 You can get over on people once in a while in jujitsu.
00:27:08.000 Just once in a while, you'll be like, oh, you forgot to lock up!
00:27:10.000 I slept on him.
00:27:11.000 I'll tell you 100% the truth.
00:27:13.000 This is what happened.
00:27:14.000 We were rolling together, and I was like, okay, dude, let's just do this.
00:27:18.000 I'm not going to hurt you.
00:27:19.000 We'll be cool.
00:27:20.000 And we got into a position.
00:27:22.000 I got on top of him, and I just got a little relaxed.
00:27:25.000 And all of a sudden, boom, Ari hip pops, takes my leg out from under me, and he swept me. 1.00
00:27:30.000 And I'm like, you motherfucker. 1.00
00:27:32.000 I got a little calm, and he exploded. 1.00
00:27:35.000 I'm like, oh, okay, I see what's up.
00:27:36.000 So I knew a part of Ari that you guys didn't know, because Ari and I have been engaged.
00:27:41.000 By the way, then he swept me right back against somebody.
00:27:42.000 I was like, it's not your place.
00:27:44.000 By the way, there's a part of me that really wants to experience trying to roll with Joe for a second.
00:27:48.000 After this contest, knowing what he's capable of, just to feel true helplessness.
00:27:53.000 It's a good feeling.
00:27:54.000 It is!
00:27:55.000 This is why it's a good feeling.
00:27:56.000 Because if you can handle it, then at least you know where you are on this little weird food chain of who can kill who with their bare hands.
00:28:04.000 And then you also know that whatever these people know, you can learn too.
00:28:07.000 It's not a physical thing. 0.99
00:28:09.000 I know guys that are much weaker than me that can fuck me up. 0.97
00:28:13.000 If we roll together, they're going to tap me 100% of the time. 0.99
00:28:17.000 My friend Denny weighs 160-something pounds.
00:28:21.000 I mean, I tapped him when he was young.
00:28:23.000 But you couldn't now.
00:28:24.000 No, he kills me.
00:28:26.000 Really? 0.99
00:28:26.000 He strangles me. 0.99
00:28:28.000 He strangles me.
00:28:29.000 Just what, superior technique?
00:28:30.000 Just way better than me.
00:28:31.000 Way better, way more focused.
00:28:33.000 Been doing it as a life.
00:28:38.000 But here's the thing.
00:28:39.000 I don't have the...
00:28:40.000 Listen, you have to have the time to get serious about something.
00:28:44.000 We had the time to get serious about this for a month.
00:28:46.000 We did have the time to get serious about it.
00:28:48.000 Suddenly out of the blue.
00:28:49.000 By the way, Tom suggested it like four or five days before it started.
00:28:53.000 That's true.
00:28:53.000 Yeah, this was not a planned out thing at all.
00:28:54.000 I've been wearing that thing for perspective, though.
00:28:57.000 I started January with it.
00:28:59.000 And like an average month has been probably 2,300 points or something.
00:29:04.000 How much did you get this one?
00:29:05.000 90...
00:29:05.000 95-something.
00:29:07.000 Talk about the percentages of how we finished in the...
00:29:11.000 Because you hitting them up, that blew me away.
00:29:13.000 Well, they said there's a million registered users, first of all.
00:29:16.000 And we're at 0.1%.
00:29:18.000 Okay, but hold on.
00:29:19.000 Most of those didn't even have it on.
00:29:22.000 I don't know about that.
00:29:23.000 We're going into what November is now, and we're not really...
00:29:26.000 No, I'm not saying everybody was actively all using it.
00:29:29.000 You mean the people that are a million users?
00:29:31.000 Yeah.
00:29:32.000 Well, whoever is using it.
00:29:34.000 Well, I don't know what the database...
00:29:35.000 It's a good point, Ari.
00:29:36.000 That's a fair point.
00:29:37.000 Because we really don't know what percentage those people actually keep it, right?
00:29:41.000 Yeah, other people trying.
00:29:42.000 Right.
00:29:42.000 We know that Killer was a D1 athlete, though.
00:29:45.000 Yeah, your fucking gym has a lot of people trying. 0.98
00:29:47.000 That's the thing we can actually point against people who are trying. 0.99
00:29:49.000 If we had to guess, if we had to agree on a number, would you guys say that half the people would use it regularly, or no?
00:29:56.000 If there's a million people, would you really think it would be half?
00:29:59.000 Even if it's a quarter, we're still talking about a.5.
00:30:02.000 We'd be.5 percentile, whatever, 99.5th percentile.
00:30:07.000 Yeah, it wouldn't go up much.
00:30:09.000 It wouldn't go up much, even under a smaller variable.
00:30:11.000 But I think that what those other people are, at the top, are probably fitness instructors.
00:30:17.000 Killer was.
00:30:18.000 That's what MySpace was.
00:30:19.000 MySpace.
00:30:20.000 MyZone, yeah.
00:30:21.000 That's what MyZone's told me.
00:30:22.000 Oh, that was my other cheap plan?
00:30:24.000 Go to the gym with $15 and say, please wear this, and I'll give you $15.
00:30:29.000 I'm not joking.
00:30:30.000 I was going to hang out there.
00:30:31.000 Is 15 the sweet spot?
00:30:32.000 I just figured it wasn't too much, but I would have to do it a lot. 1.00
00:30:35.000 Fuck this. 0.99
00:30:35.000 I'll tell you, I'll walk you through my plan the whole month. 0.99
00:30:38.000 What was your plan?
00:30:39.000 Do not get hurt.
00:30:40.000 That was number one.
00:30:41.000 That's a good plan. 1.00
00:30:41.000 I was like, don't get hurt, because if I get hurt, get shin splints, or get heel spurs, I'm fucked. 1.00
00:30:45.000 Five days in. 0.99
00:30:46.000 I was so excited at the prospect of you being out. 0.97
00:30:49.000 Anytime someone was like, I think I fucking had it. 0.97
00:30:50.000 No, because you hurt your ankle or something. 0.97
00:30:52.000 When I hurt my ankle, legit, swear to God.
00:30:54.000 How excited were you?
00:30:55.000 Excited but cautious, and I knew it was like, this is not real.
00:30:58.000 And you saw me slip.
00:30:59.000 And then I saw you walk fine normally.
00:31:01.000 I was totally fine. 1.00
00:31:01.000 What a fucking phony faker. 1.00
00:31:03.000 I was totally fine. 1.00
00:31:04.000 You were fine.
00:31:04.000 I was fine.
00:31:05.000 I knew it.
00:31:06.000 But no, but I got it. 1.00
00:31:07.000 I swear to God, I'll call my fucking wife right now. 1.00
00:31:09.000 Oh, she'll lie for you. 1.00
00:31:11.000 She better.
00:31:12.000 She better.
00:31:13.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:31:14.000 My friend Molly saw you in fucking spin that day. 0.99
00:31:17.000 He texted me. 0.99
00:31:18.000 He texted me. 0.97
00:31:18.000 Oh, my phone was fucking falling. 0.97
00:31:19.000 Oh, fuck that. 1.00
00:31:20.000 Spin, the one exercise you don't need your legs for. 1.00
00:31:23.000 Were you worried about me when I was sick?
00:31:25.000 Oh, I knew you were giving me the old doc holiday.
00:31:27.000 That too. 1.00
00:31:28.000 Fuck off. 1.00
00:31:28.000 Old doc holiday. 1.00
00:31:29.000 I was sick.
00:31:29.000 Hey, Wyatt, I can't make this.
00:31:31.000 I'm dying, Wyatt.
00:31:32.000 Guys, he told me he was sick, and he took photos of his medication and sanity.
00:31:36.000 You think I made that up?
00:31:37.000 No, I think, but you took half a day off.
00:31:39.000 You went one half day, and then you were right back to full speed.
00:31:42.000 No.
00:31:42.000 No.
00:31:43.000 Thank you, Ari.
00:31:44.000 Thank you, Ari.
00:31:44.000 That's not true.
00:31:45.000 One half day, one full day, one crazy day.
00:31:47.000 I had a day where I was like, look, I gotta get something.
00:31:49.000 And by something, I was thinking 150 or something.
00:31:52.000 And that was the beginning or the second to worst day.
00:31:55.000 And I put it on.
00:31:56.000 I was like, I'll just get that.
00:31:57.000 And I walked down the street and I was like, I felt so sick.
00:32:01.000 I got 40. That's like a none.
00:32:04.000 Okay, right.
00:32:05.000 Yeah, true.
00:32:06.000 The next day...
00:32:07.000 I was able to get like, I think a hundred and something, and that was split up in two also. 0.97
00:32:12.000 And so then I was like, I'm pretty fucked right now. 0.81
00:32:14.000 Yeah, and that, by the way, right at that point, I was like, okay, Bert, we're not coming last, so that's great. 0.96
00:32:20.000 So let's just be casual between the two of us.
00:32:23.000 Tom's done.
00:32:24.000 That's great.
00:32:24.000 That's awesome.
00:32:25.000 Oh, I took a deep breath.
00:32:26.000 I was like...
00:32:27.000 That felt nice.
00:32:28.000 You know, I gotta tell you something.
00:32:29.000 This is like something that we should all point out for health.
00:32:31.000 Like, I've been, over the last couple of years, I've been eating a lot of kimchi, a lot of fermented cabbage, and a lot of kombucha.
00:32:40.000 Real farts.
00:32:40.000 Yeah.
00:32:41.000 Real farts.
00:32:42.000 Brutal, brutal farts. 0.81
00:32:42.000 But, here's the thing. 0.81
00:32:44.000 All that healthy...
00:32:46.000 Like, probiotic stuff?
00:32:47.000 That has a big impact on your immune system.
00:32:50.000 I mean, really big.
00:32:51.000 I haven't gotten sick in a long time.
00:32:52.000 The kombuchas used to always hike these, and I started drinking them too.
00:32:55.000 They're always good. 1.00
00:32:55.000 Dude, they're the shit. 1.00
00:32:56.000 The GTs? 1.00
00:32:57.000 GTs are the shit. 1.00
00:32:58.000 They're so good. 1.00
00:32:59.000 They taste good.
00:33:00.000 They're healthy for you.
00:33:00.000 I had a Whole Foods guy tell me, like, hey, just so you know, I saw you drink this in the thing.
00:33:04.000 It's fine.
00:33:04.000 It's got alcohol, so you can't drink that in the store.
00:33:07.000 And I was like, listen, I'm going to do it every single time, so you can just try to catch me if you want.
00:33:11.000 But thank you for the warning.
00:33:13.000 You did your job.
00:33:13.000 Well, it has less than half a percent of...
00:33:16.000 Right?
00:33:17.000 Isn't that what it is?
00:33:18.000 Yes.
00:33:18.000 What is the number that they have to...
00:33:19.000 It's more than...
00:33:20.000 Hold on, hold on.
00:33:20.000 My daughters drink kombucha in the morning.
00:33:22.000 That's fine.
00:33:23.000 It's less than half a percent.
00:33:24.000 So they're not getting buzzed.
00:33:25.000 No, it's some preposterous amount of alcohol.
00:33:27.000 I would like to see how many of those you have to drink to get drunk.
00:33:30.000 This is the whole history of it.
00:33:32.000 They used to sell them in the store, and then apparently what was going on was they were, it's a strong brew, and they would sit there fermenting, and then when they would test them after they had fermented for a while, the alcohol content would get over one half of one percent, which is like somewhere around where they need to draw the line.
00:33:49.000 Like if you get a non-alcoholic beer, it's got a wee touch of the booze in it.
00:33:54.000 Oh, really, Ari.
00:33:55.000 Just a wee touch.
00:33:55.000 Really, Ari.
00:33:56.000 Just a tiny, tiny touch of the booze. 1.00
00:33:59.000 Fuck off, idiot. 1.00
00:34:00.000 Stupid fucking idiot. 1.00
00:34:02.000 No, it doesn't make you... 1.00
00:34:03.000 You're still super sober.
00:34:05.000 I mean, if you...
00:34:06.000 Look, you know... 0.99
00:34:08.000 When we're running, we're getting high as fuck. 0.99
00:34:13.000 Okay? 0.99
00:34:13.000 There's an endorphin aspect to this. 0.99
00:34:16.000 That's one of the things that I was saying to everybody is that when this was over, when the whole thing was over, if somebody made a pill that made me feel how I feel when I have those hard workout days, I'd take that pill every day.
00:34:28.000 Oh, that's what I was going to tell you earlier. 0.99
00:34:30.000 I don't give a fuck pill. 0.99
00:34:31.000 I felt so much relief, but I felt like it was totally tied to days where I really worked hard. 0.99
00:34:39.000 But if it was like a medium workout, I still felt good.
00:34:42.000 You and I went back and forth about that.
00:34:44.000 Yeah, I still felt good.
00:34:45.000 But on the days where it was like three plus hours of working out, and I was totally spent, then I felt the most calm.
00:34:53.000 I mean, I know a part of that's physically just tired, but I had zero stress.
00:34:57.000 Let me ask you a question.
00:34:58.000 Do you guys think any of that's tied to, like, while you're doing it, you've got to be off all your technology for a while?
00:35:02.000 I know you're big on that.
00:35:03.000 Do you think that's a possible?
00:35:05.000 No, I thought about that, too.
00:35:06.000 No, it's a factor.
00:35:07.000 It's definitely a factor, R. I also, when you start talking about it, I tried to start doing things, like, in the morning, waiting.
00:35:13.000 Waiting to look at it.
00:35:15.000 No, like, open the phone.
00:35:16.000 So, like, just do...
00:35:17.000 No, not even work out.
00:35:18.000 I mean, like, just do life things.
00:35:20.000 Wake up, have coffee, and just not look at it. 0.99
00:35:23.000 And it's fucking... 0.99
00:35:24.000 I had to think about it. 0.99
00:35:25.000 Yeah.
00:35:26.000 It's hard, right?
00:35:27.000 Yeah, it's hard.
00:35:27.000 Oh.
00:35:28.000 Yeah, it's hard.
00:35:29.000 Yeah, I wonder how much of that, too, because I felt sort of clear, too, but same way I do with skiing, where it's like you've got to take your mind off everything in a way.
00:35:34.000 Exactly.
00:35:35.000 Exactly, Ari.
00:35:36.000 Skiing is a perfect example. 1.00
00:35:38.000 When you're skiing, you can't look at your phone. 0.99
00:35:40.000 You're going down a fucking mountain, and you're just enjoying that, and that's part of what it is. 0.98
00:35:46.000 They've got a great app that tells you how fast. 0.99
00:35:48.000 They have a great app.
00:35:50.000 Don't.
00:35:50.000 No, no, no.
00:35:51.000 I don't look at my phone while I'm skiing, but there is an app that tells you how fast you get going.
00:35:55.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:35:55.000 And dude, I got up to 40 miles per hour on a fucking snowboard. 0.99
00:35:58.000 And let me tell you, when I get down to the bottom, I'm like, real quick, what's my speed? 0.98
00:36:03.000 I'm always worried about people wiping out in front of me.
00:36:06.000 Wiping out onto me.
00:36:07.000 But you film your kid skiing a little bit.
00:36:10.000 Yeah, but I got taken out by one dude on a mountain once.
00:36:13.000 He just cut in front of me like way too quick.
00:36:16.000 Yeah, you're out of control.
00:36:17.000 You're skiing half the time.
00:36:18.000 I'm like, I don't know.
00:36:19.000 You should go away for your own good.
00:36:20.000 Watch out!
00:36:21.000 Yeah, I know.
00:36:22.000 And you realize you're testing your health out with all these other people.
00:36:25.000 And most of the time, people are doing their best.
00:36:28.000 Most of the time.
00:36:29.000 It comes flying out of the trees over you. 0.99
00:36:30.000 And there's no drug test when you get on that fucking ski lift. 1.00
00:36:33.000 They don't test you for shit. 1.00
00:36:34.000 Do you smoke weed when you ski? 1.00
00:36:35.000 No.
00:36:36.000 What?
00:36:37.000 What? 1.00
00:36:37.000 Shut up. 1.00
00:36:38.000 You're crazy. 1.00
00:36:39.000 You're doing it wrong. 1.00
00:36:40.000 You're out of your mind.
00:36:40.000 No.
00:36:41.000 Stupid. 1.00
00:36:42.000 No, no, no. 1.00
00:36:42.000 Of course you should. 1.00
00:36:43.000 Every time I ski, I ski.
00:36:45.000 Joe!
00:36:45.000 No.
00:36:46.000 Every time I ski.
00:36:46.000 Head sets, weed.
00:36:47.000 Come on.
00:36:48.000 It's the best. 0.99
00:36:49.000 Are you crazy?
00:36:49.000 I would be with you guys, but I ski with my kids.
00:36:51.000 Yeah!
00:36:52.000 It's time, Joe.
00:36:53.000 It's time.
00:36:54.000 It's time.
00:36:55.000 They're almost adults now.
00:36:57.000 I wish I could explain. 1.00
00:36:58.000 I have to keep an eye on those little fuckers. 1.00
00:37:00.000 The weed will take care of it for you. 1.00
00:37:02.000 I get what Joe's saying.
00:37:03.000 When you ski with your kid...
00:37:04.000 You do that?
00:37:06.000 When I ski with my kids, I don't smoke weed.
00:37:08.000 But at the end of the day, when it's me and Leanne, we go to Park City every year.
00:37:12.000 Park City's awesome.
00:37:13.000 It's the best.
00:37:14.000 And at the end of the day, me and Leanne, I'll take a rip, and then we'll go down one. 0.98
00:37:17.000 And that's when I fucking throw in headsets. 0.98
00:37:19.000 That's a little Jane's Addiction. 1.00
00:37:20.000 I'm coming!
00:37:21.000 I'm coming! 1.00
00:37:22.000 All my toes flying into a fucking corner at 40 miles an hour. 0.99
00:37:27.000 Just thinking in my head, this could all really go bad right now. 0.99
00:37:31.000 That feeling is fucking amazing! 0.97
00:37:33.000 This is what I do. 0.99
00:37:34.000 I go, don't fall down, don't fall down, don't get hurt, don't fall down, don't get hurt.
00:37:38.000 Ooh, we didn't get hurt.
00:37:40.000 Joe, come ski with us!
00:37:41.000 Come ski with us, Joe!
00:37:44.000 Let's barely have any control of our bodies as we storm down the mountain.
00:37:47.000 What a great idea!
00:37:49.000 Slide, barely in control.
00:37:51.000 Slide, barely in control.
00:37:53.000 Pizza, pizza, sideways.
00:37:56.000 We gotta take it to the woods, bro.
00:37:59.000 No control.
00:38:00.000 Head over heels.
00:38:02.000 Whoa! 0.71
00:38:03.000 Tuck and roll.
00:38:05.000 Shoulders first.
00:38:05.000 You've always been fine.
00:38:07.000 I'll tell you what I want us to do right now.
00:38:08.000 I'll tell you what I want us to do as a group right now, and Joe's the only one that can get this to happen.
00:38:12.000 What?
00:38:13.000 I want us to go to Kelly Slater's wave pool.
00:38:15.000 That looks dope.
00:38:16.000 Dude, a foursome, it's the safest place to learn how to surf, and it's just like a two-hour drive.
00:38:21.000 Hey, does anybody here know how to surf?
00:38:23.000 No?
00:38:23.000 No.
00:38:24.000 I took two lessons in Indonesia and mastered and retired, but I can come out of retirement for this.
00:38:28.000 Okay, perfect.
00:38:29.000 So you've had slightly more experience, which is almost none.
00:38:32.000 That would be a good next year.
00:38:34.000 What?
00:38:35.000 Learn to surf?
00:38:35.000 Time on a board.
00:38:36.000 Time on a board?
00:38:37.000 Time on a board over the whole month. 1.00
00:38:39.000 Fuck. 1.00
00:38:40.000 I'm in. 1.00
00:38:41.000 We'll get Kelly Slater to design some sort of board. 1.00
00:38:44.000 We have to wear some sort of heart rate monitor.
00:38:49.000 How much time on a board you can stand up over the course of a month in one of those artificial wave machines. 1.00
00:38:57.000 Shit. 1.00
00:38:59.000 I guarantee you give Kelly Slater time right now to develop the board that has feet pads that measures your feet on a fucking board. 1.00
00:39:06.000 What do you mean measures your feet? 0.99
00:39:07.000 So when you're standing up.
00:39:09.000 So it's time on a board standing up.
00:39:11.000 Since none of us know how to surf. 1.00
00:39:12.000 Fuck. 1.00
00:39:13.000 Time on a board standing up one of those artificial wave machines next year. 1.00
00:39:17.000 God, I hate this so much.
00:39:18.000 I love this.
00:39:19.000 I love this already.
00:39:20.000 So you just have to enlist in a place.
00:39:22.000 You have to give up your life and enlist in a place. 1.00
00:39:25.000 Move to fucking Hawaii with Shane Dorian and wear those fucking suits. 1.00
00:39:28.000 Shane was just here. 1.00
00:39:30.000 He was on the podcast right before you guys. 0.98
00:39:31.000 Are you fucking kidding me? 0.98
00:39:34.000 Shane Dorian almost died at Mavericks. 0.99
00:39:37.000 He got held under for two waves and I guess under there he decided to create these suits where they have CO2 carcasses.
00:39:42.000 It literally changed big wave surfing. 0.99
00:39:44.000 It saved so many fucking lives. 1.00
00:39:45.000 He was just fucking here. 1.00
00:39:47.000 He asked about you. 1.00
00:39:48.000 Shut up. 1.00
00:39:49.000 I met him. 1.00
00:39:50.000 I swear I met him right before you.
00:39:52.000 He's my bow hunting buddy.
00:39:54.000 Yeah, he lives at like...
00:39:55.000 He lives on a big island in Hawaii.
00:39:57.000 Goddammit, James Wayne was just here.
00:39:59.000 Dude, Kelly Slater's like... 0.93
00:40:00.000 He and I go hunting every year.
00:40:02.000 We do the spring axis deer hunt on the island of Lanai.
00:40:07.000 Really?
00:40:08.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.71
00:40:08.000 That sounds so fucking cool. 0.71
00:40:09.000 Dude, it's the coolest shit ever. 0.99
00:40:11.000 Wait, what got you into hanging out with... 0.99
00:40:12.000 The Kelly Slater podcast was fucking amazing. 0.90
00:40:15.000 Yeah, he's so interesting. 0.95
00:40:16.000 Dude, you and him are like brothers.
00:40:17.000 My favorite thing he said in that podcast was when he goes, you go, what do you do for fitness?
00:40:21.000 He goes, I don't push myself.
00:40:23.000 That's an Ari thing. 0.92
00:40:25.000 Well, here's the thing.
00:40:26.000 What we did was not healthy.
00:40:29.000 No.
00:40:29.000 This is what I wanted to talk about.
00:40:31.000 And not sustainable.
00:40:33.000 Yeah.
00:40:35.000 I'm going to keep it up.
00:40:36.000 No, not sustainable.
00:40:38.000 It's crazy.
00:40:39.000 I'm going to keep up spin class and try to do, on evenings, try to do a six-mile jog.
00:40:43.000 That's a good thought.
00:40:44.000 The 31st?
00:40:45.000 Can we keep up?
00:40:46.000 The 31st?
00:40:47.000 I talk to everybody.
00:40:49.000 But that last workout?
00:40:53.000 I couldn't have gone that much further.
00:40:55.000 In all honesty, after my piss came out of weird color, I really did have phantom pains in my kidneys.
00:41:04.000 Maybe that wasn't just dehydration.
00:41:07.000 Maybe there was something more.
00:41:09.000 Maybe there was something going on.
00:41:10.000 I really did have some weird phantom idea that there was a pain.
00:41:15.000 Physically, I felt pretty good, man.
00:41:16.000 Yeah.
00:41:17.000 Because the whole thing was, a lot of that rhabdo, and here's the thing about, it's called rhabdomyelosis, is that how you say it?
00:41:24.000 Did I say it right?
00:41:26.000 Rhabdo has actually been the source of death for a few fighters.
00:41:33.000 Where guys got really beat up in a crazy, really difficult fight, and the thing that did them in was they were probably over-trained, and they probably did too much in the gym, didn't give themselves enough time to recover, and then had a really brutal fight.
00:41:48.000 So when you're young in particular, you're a little too wild, and you don't recognize that there's like this point of diminishing returns when it comes to training.
00:41:57.000 Oh, yeah.
00:41:58.000 Well, see, we pushed into some weird place, man.
00:42:00.000 But we did get through that a few times, though.
00:42:03.000 But here's the thing.
00:42:04.000 We should have like, oh, it was too much, we gotta give up.
00:42:05.000 And we kept going, and then it became okay again.
00:42:07.000 Right, but here's why I think it worked.
00:42:09.000 For us.
00:42:10.000 It wouldn't work for a fighter. 0.99
00:42:11.000 No one's kicking our ass. 0.98
00:42:13.000 So the thing about when you're a fighter, if someone's kicking your ass, you might push even past where we pushed in terms of output in any particular hour or any particular half hour, 40 minute session. 0.99
00:42:25.000 You might go too far. 0.97
00:42:26.000 Whereas we would just keep going at 80%.
00:42:29.000 Sometimes you get forced into 90% for long periods of time.
00:42:33.000 Especially if someone's better than you, or especially if you're tired from training.
00:42:37.000 So a lot of these guys are going into the fight, especially in younger guys who don't have maybe the most scientific coaches.
00:42:44.000 They're going into the fight severely taxed out.
00:42:47.000 Like November 1st, they're going into it like that.
00:42:49.000 Oh yeah, they're going into it like that.
00:42:51.000 Not only are they going into a fight like that, but they're going through a whole, you know, six, eight week camp like that.
00:42:56.000 Like they might be broken down like real early on, just pushing themselves through the whole thing.
00:43:01.000 And then they have like, at the end of it, their body's failing.
00:43:04.000 They haven't given themselves enough time to recover. 0.99
00:43:06.000 And that's what this rhabdo shit is. 0.98
00:43:08.000 Your muscles, and it has something to do with proteins, that your muscles... 0.98
00:43:12.000 Pull up the actual, because I'm giving a really stupid definition of what rhabdomyelosis is. 0.58
00:43:20.000 Am I pretty close?
00:43:22.000 Breakdown of muscle tissue, releasing a damaged protein into the blood.
00:43:26.000 That's it.
00:43:27.000 And it's very dangerous.
00:43:28.000 It's very dangerous, yeah.
00:43:29.000 Apparently it causes kidney shutdown.
00:43:30.000 That was crazy that, like, November 2nd, my muscles all felt sore for the first time all month.
00:43:37.000 Mine felt sore right away, and then not again for a while.
00:43:40.000 Not again.
00:43:40.000 I would just get back into them.
00:43:42.000 The thing in spin classes, like when you get out of the saddle and sprint, is I just got to a place where my legs were always fucking wasted.
00:43:49.000 And I was like, I want to try this again when my legs just aren't wasted. 0.60
00:43:53.000 They were always wasted.
00:43:55.000 I could now, at the end of this, run to the gym and back.
00:43:58.000 I'd have to stop three times in the way.
00:44:00.000 Run for two minutes and not real running.
00:44:03.000 And then it was like, no, I can just do it.
00:44:04.000 Dude, I felt such an improvement through the month.
00:44:08.000 Dude, I could run.
00:44:09.000 I ran 12 miles on the fifth to last day.
00:44:13.000 Dude, while you were on antibiotics.
00:44:15.000 That's what's crazy.
00:44:16.000 And you were just...
00:44:18.000 We're going fine.
00:44:19.000 I gotta say, Ari, I always knew that you had a strong mind.
00:44:24.000 I always knew you had a strong mind.
00:44:26.000 You're an angry man with a strong mind.
00:44:29.000 But I didn't appreciate it as much as I appreciated this month.
00:44:33.000 For you to do it is the most impressive out of all of us. 0.99
00:44:36.000 Because you didn't do shit other than the occasional hike or fuck around and play basketball for like 10 years. 0.99
00:44:42.000 Yeah, but also, I... Eat well. 1.00
00:44:44.000 You guys eat like garbage. 1.00
00:44:47.000 I'm far smarter than any of you. 1.00
00:44:50.000 What do you weigh?
00:44:53.000 A normal is like 75 to 80. I should be around 175. And I should weigh 75 to 80. And then I got up to like 83, 87 last year after the cruise.
00:45:06.000 We weigh like significantly more.
00:45:09.000 And it's like, I'm not doing...
00:45:10.000 You guys are actually working out. 1.00
00:45:12.000 You can eat fucking normal, idiots. 1.00
00:45:14.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
00:45:15.000 No, no.
00:45:15.000 I actually...
00:45:16.000 I don't eat that good!
00:45:19.000 Towards the end, I started...
00:45:20.000 I'd hear...
00:45:21.000 Maybe I'm the person who probably listens to this podcast the most, but you hear people talk about health and how they eat.
00:45:29.000 And in that challenge, the very last week, I started going, looking at food a tad bit differently, going like... 0.99
00:45:37.000 I don't want to feel like shit. 0.99
00:45:38.000 I don't want pizza. 0.99
00:45:39.000 I didn't want carbs.
00:45:40.000 I wanted protein because I get done a workout and I go, let's do four eggs and a steak.
00:45:46.000 I ordered a bunch of buffalo steaks.
00:45:50.000 It's so crazy.
00:45:51.000 I was like, water.
00:45:52.000 Yeah, I need water.
00:45:55.000 How crazy did you get, like, with eating when it was, like, really? 1.00
00:45:58.000 On the fucking plane. 0.99
00:46:00.000 You know when they walked by with that little basket? 1.00
00:46:01.000 I was like, oh, I'll take all this shit. 1.00
00:46:04.000 Fucking popcorn. 1.00
00:46:05.000 Because when you're doing the two workouts a day, the two-a-days, which I had a bunch of, you could net, yeah, you were hungry. 1.00
00:46:10.000 When I did that whole five and a half hours on the elliptical, I ate a box of animal crackers and I drank cream soda.
00:46:16.000 While you were doing it?
00:46:17.000 While I was doing it.
00:46:21.000 It was crazy.
00:46:22.000 It was like I was possessed.
00:46:23.000 I was in the craziest state of mind.
00:46:26.000 I'm like, I am going to keep this going.
00:46:30.000 Now it's just numbers to me.
00:46:32.000 Now it's like, when do you get off?
00:46:34.000 Do you get off at 400?
00:46:35.000 No.
00:46:36.000 500?
00:46:36.000 No.
00:46:37.000 600?
00:46:38.000 No.
00:46:39.000 700?
00:46:39.000 No.
00:46:40.000 800?
00:46:40.000 No.
00:46:41.000 And then shit started to feel like it was failing. 1.00
00:46:44.000 Your body? 1.00
00:46:45.000 Yeah, no, no, no.
00:46:46.000 Some misfires.
00:46:47.000 I had some misfires. 1.00
00:46:49.000 I had some, like, my body was like, like, settle down, bitch. 1.00
00:46:53.000 It's like, we better get off this thing soon. 0.98
00:46:56.000 I was like, okay, let's just keep going for a little bit.
00:46:59.000 So, like, things started to feel weaker.
00:47:02.000 Like, my ankles started feeling weaker.
00:47:03.000 Just started yelling racial slurs in the middle of it.
00:47:05.000 My toes started feeling numb.
00:47:06.000 My toes went numb at one point.
00:47:09.000 Yeah.
00:47:09.000 Did you nap?
00:47:11.000 No.
00:47:11.000 I would nap.
00:47:12.000 Napping was the best.
00:47:13.000 Feet on the floor nap where you just sit on your bed for a second and all of a sudden you're like, what?
00:47:17.000 I just go out like a light at the end of the night.
00:47:20.000 So how many hours were you sleeping a night?
00:47:23.000 Like a dead man.
00:47:25.000 Seven hours.
00:47:25.000 Dead man.
00:47:26.000 Dead.
00:47:26.000 Yeah, dead.
00:47:27.000 How long after we started did you start having the marijuana dreams?
00:47:30.000 Did you guys get them?
00:47:31.000 No.
00:47:31.000 You know what, man?
00:47:33.000 I knew it was coming, so I tapered off.
00:47:36.000 Oh.
00:47:36.000 So I tapered off all through September, and also I was on a lot of hunting trips.
00:47:41.000 Yeah.
00:47:41.000 You know, the elk hunting trip in Utah was seven days.
00:47:44.000 I didn't...
00:47:45.000 You don't smoke on those?
00:47:45.000 No.
00:47:46.000 Do you get the dreams on those?
00:47:48.000 A little bit.
00:47:49.000 A little bit.
00:47:50.000 Did you?
00:47:51.000 I decided early on with all that stuff that I just wanted to experience it as a natural human.
00:47:59.000 I didn't want to ever be drunk.
00:48:01.000 I didn't really want to be high.
00:48:04.000 I don't want to take beta blockers so I don't get nervous.
00:48:07.000 I try to experience what it is. 0.91
00:48:12.000 I saw Adam Greentree, like, kill some elk in wherever the fuck he is these days, and a bear claimed it. 0.97
00:48:18.000 Did you see that? 0.99
00:48:19.000 Yeah, he shot a moose.
00:48:20.000 Jesus Christ.
00:48:22.000 A bear just went on, it's like, it's mine.
00:48:23.000 It's mine, I pissed on it and I dug it out.
00:48:25.000 In the Yukon, and a grizzly bear claimed it and covered it with dirt.
00:48:29.000 Right away?
00:48:30.000 The entire moose.
00:48:31.000 No, he shot it.
00:48:32.000 They took part of it.
00:48:33.000 See, a moose is probably like 1,800 pounds.
00:48:38.000 They're so big.
00:48:40.000 They're like a big elk.
00:48:42.000 Like a Rocky Mountain elk is like 800 pounds.
00:48:43.000 That's a big one.
00:48:44.000 A moose is 1,000 pounds bigger than that when it's fully mature.
00:48:48.000 That's what Adam shot.
00:48:50.000 He shot a gigantic moose.
00:48:52.000 So they could only carry so much of it out.
00:48:54.000 Like there's hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of pounds of meat.
00:48:57.000 1800 pounds moose might be seven, eight hundred pounds of it is meat. 1.00
00:49:02.000 Fuck. 1.00
00:49:03.000 So you have to take it out in loads. 1.00
00:49:05.000 So if you have two guys, you're taking out several loads.
00:49:08.000 So they took out one pack out and then they came back.
00:49:11.000 And a giant grizzly bear had claimed it and covered it up.
00:49:15.000 And the grizzly bear was still in the area?
00:49:17.000 Oh yeah, he covered up the moose.
00:49:18.000 Adam Greentree is one of my favorite people to follow on Instagram.
00:49:21.000 But I know that no one likes when there's a lot of little bleeps in a story.
00:49:24.000 But when I go on Adam Greentree and he's got a hundred little dots, I go, oh, this is going to be a good one.
00:49:29.000 Yeah, it's adam.greentree on Instagram, and he's a bow hunter from Australia.
00:49:35.000 And Australia's an interesting place, because one of the reasons why, I mean, he's just a real smart guy.
00:49:41.000 He's the real deal.
00:49:43.000 A real deal in every way, and I'll pimp him out.
00:49:45.000 He says a person.
00:49:45.000 Dude, you should see the floor he has in his hunting cabin.
00:49:49.000 Dude, this guy is like, across the board, every part of a man you want to be. 0.97
00:49:53.000 His floor in his hunting cabin is fucking amazing, and he did it himself by hand. 0.98
00:49:57.000 Let's just establish, per capita, Australians are more manly. 0.99
00:50:00.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
00:50:02.000 They're crazy. 1.00
00:50:03.000 For sure. 1.00
00:50:03.000 Australians are crazy. 1.00
00:50:04.000 They drink so hard. 1.00
00:50:05.000 Like, if you had to, like, see what's the numbers, there's the moose.
00:50:09.000 This is the moose.
00:50:10.000 They're just a manlier breed of people. 1.00
00:50:13.000 And also, you have to realize that Australia was a goddamn prison colony. 0.99
00:50:16.000 So these are the ancestors of scoundrels. 0.99
00:50:18.000 They all got big thumbs.
00:50:19.000 Yeah, they're big humans. 0.94
00:50:21.000 And so this is a big ass moose that he shot in the Yukon and a grizzly bear claimed it. 0.86
00:50:27.000 And so they went back to it and the grizzly bear had run off because he saw them coming, I guess. 0.99
00:50:32.000 And so they just stole what they could and got the fuck out of there before they panicked.
00:50:36.000 Before it came back and tried to defend it. 0.91
00:50:38.000 Yeah, so they unburied it.
00:50:41.000 They dug out.
00:50:41.000 They did dig stuff out of there?
00:50:42.000 They dig stuff out, but they were scared while they were doing it and they got out of there.
00:50:45.000 This is the second of my friends.
00:50:48.000 This is the third of my friends that has had grizzly bear encounters over the last three or four years.
00:50:56.000 Who was the one that it was on?
00:50:59.000 I saw it on Instagram.
00:51:00.000 It's one of your buddies.
00:51:02.000 Who got charged by the Grizzly Bear.
00:51:04.000 That was Adam.
00:51:04.000 That was Adam Greentree.
00:51:05.000 Was that Adam?
00:51:06.000 The same guy.
00:51:07.000 Yeah, absolutely.
00:51:08.000 Was it that documentary, Grizzly Man?
00:51:11.000 Oh my god, that's the craziest documentary ever.
00:51:13.000 That's so crazy.
00:51:13.000 You know what that documentary is?
00:51:15.000 That documentary is... 1.00
00:51:17.000 How stupid that guy is. 1.00
00:51:18.000 It should be called A Gay Guy That Doesn't Have Really Good Friends Who Gets Eaten By Bears. 1.00
00:51:24.000 That poor guy wanted to give him a hug. 0.97
00:51:27.000 That guy, Foxy the Fox.
00:51:28.000 His girlfriend got eaten too? 1.00
00:51:29.000 Fuck yeah, she got eaten! 1.00
00:51:31.000 Why did she leave? 1.00
00:51:32.000 And there's audio and they didn't share the audio.
00:51:34.000 Why would they share the audio?
00:51:36.000 This is my friend Adam with a pistol out while Grizzly Bear's charging him.
00:51:42.000 Watch this.
00:51:43.000 Turn it up.
00:51:46.000 His voice makes it sound better.
00:51:51.000 Whoa.
00:51:52.000 Yeah.
00:51:53.000 That's a grizzly bear, and he's got a gun pointed at her.
00:51:55.000 And she's got her cubs, and she might charge him.
00:52:00.000 The scariest ones are the females with cubs. 0.57
00:52:03.000 Yeah.
00:52:04.000 That's in real life, too.
00:52:06.000 And what about the pistol?
00:52:08.000 Yeah, he's got a pistol out, and here's the thing.
00:52:10.000 The pistol, it was the wrong size bullets, so it wouldn't have racked normally.
00:52:15.000 So see how it is right now?
00:52:17.000 It looks like he's discharged all his ammo, like his gun's out, because it's jammed.
00:52:21.000 So he doesn't even know it's jammed.
00:52:23.000 So he's standing out there pointing a gun that the only way he could get a bullet in it is if he opened up the barrel himself, stuck the bullet in, and then closed it so he'd have one shot, no matter what.
00:52:33.000 So the whole magazine wouldn't fit.
00:52:36.000 It was off...
00:52:37.000 The differences in the size of the ammunition was off.
00:52:40.000 He didn't see it?
00:52:41.000 Nope, he didn't notice. 1.00
00:52:42.000 Fuck. 1.00
00:52:43.000 Because he doesn't use guns. 1.00
00:52:44.000 He's a bow hunter.
00:52:45.000 He got a gun just to protect himself from that thing.
00:52:49.000 Those kind of things.
00:52:50.000 I cannot believe how excited I just got right then.
00:52:52.000 Wow.
00:52:52.000 Do you talk to him about it?
00:52:53.000 He goes, mate, he goes...
00:52:55.000 Monsters are real.
00:52:57.000 He goes, when that thing was charging me, I mean, I believe, did he talk about it on the podcast?
00:53:04.000 He had to, that's where I had to have seen it.
00:53:06.000 But when he talked about the way it was charging him, where the hair was popping up on it, and you could see it, I mean, it stopped, it false charged him.
00:53:12.000 So I charged him and stopped within like, you know, five yards of him.
00:53:17.000 Wow.
00:53:18.000 And it's a giant female grizzly bear that would just tear you apart. 1.00
00:53:21.000 What are they trying to get you to do?
00:53:23.000 Leave?
00:53:24.000 Trying to get you to leave.
00:53:25.000 They just leave.
00:53:25.000 They want you to dance, Ari.
00:53:26.000 Well, because he's trying to leave, but it doesn't trust him.
00:53:30.000 It doesn't know him.
00:53:31.000 So it's closing in on him and looking at him and deciding maybe whether or not he's a threat and moving in on him.
00:53:37.000 So he can't get away from it.
00:53:38.000 So he was stuck in this position where he couldn't get away from it.
00:53:40.000 It had decided that he was a problem. 1.00
00:53:42.000 Fuck it. 1.00
00:53:43.000 That's fucked up. 1.00
00:53:44.000 So he was trying to get away and he was moving in a different direction. 1.00
00:53:46.000 It was cutting him off. 1.00
00:53:48.000 Damn. 1.00
00:53:48.000 And he was like, oh shit. 1.00
00:53:49.000 And then he's got his pistol out. 1.00
00:53:50.000 It's like, get the fuck away! 0.99
00:53:52.000 Terrifying. 0.98
00:53:53.000 That thing's terrifying.
00:53:54.000 Dude, I hiked the Appalachian Trail when I was in college.
00:53:56.000 And not the whole thing, but just a portion. 0.99
00:53:59.000 And man, that fucking... 0.99
00:54:00.000 I had no idea about Grizzlies. 1.00
00:54:02.000 Good on you for not pissing in the room, Ari.
00:54:04.000 You're a good man. 0.99
00:54:07.000 That grizzly thing is fucking scary, man. 0.98
00:54:09.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99
00:54:09.000 Dude, they're so scary. 0.99
00:54:10.000 I've never seen one in the wild except once in Alberta.
00:54:13.000 I've never seen like a big one.
00:54:15.000 The one I saw in Alberta was only like six feet.
00:54:17.000 It wasn't a big one.
00:54:18.000 But it was enough to look in its eyes and go, whoa, that is a different thing!
00:54:23.000 Because a black bear doesn't look at you like that, man.
00:54:26.000 Black bears, if you run into a black bear in the woods, they look at you like, what are you?
00:54:30.000 So wait, are grizzlies not on the east coast?
00:54:32.000 So that's black bear, right?
00:54:33.000 Well, what it is is there's brown bears, and then those are the ones that live on the coast, and then everything that's interior is called a grizzly bear.
00:54:42.000 That's how it gets the name?
00:54:43.000 Yes, it's the same animal.
00:54:45.000 What do you mean that's how it gets the name?
00:54:46.000 Yeah.
00:54:47.000 They're all brown bears.
00:54:49.000 But isn't like a straight-up brown bear usually bigger than a grizzly?
00:54:52.000 Because they have more access to protein.
00:54:55.000 That's the thought.
00:54:55.000 The thought is that the Kodiak brown bears, the enormous ones, which are the biggest ones on Earth.
00:54:59.000 Nine feet tall?
00:55:00.000 No, way bigger.
00:55:01.000 Eleven.
00:55:01.000 Eleven feet.
00:55:02.000 Yeah.
00:55:03.000 My other friend who got attacked by a grizzly, Steve Ranella, he has a podcast about it on a podcast called Meteor.
00:55:11.000 That's his podcast.
00:55:12.000 And it's all about a Fognac Island.
00:55:15.000 It's a two-part podcast. 0.99
00:55:16.000 It's fucking amazing. 0.98
00:55:18.000 I think I've listened to that. 0.99
00:55:19.000 They shot an elk, and then the same thing.
00:55:21.000 They hung some of it up, and they came back to get it after they packed some of it out.
00:55:27.000 And when they came back, a grizzly bear claimed it, and they didn't know it.
00:55:31.000 So they were trying to pack out that food, or the rest of the meat, and when they did, a bear charged them and ran through their camp.
00:55:38.000 And they said it was 11 feet tall.
00:55:41.000 Who was he with?
00:55:42.000 He was with my friend Giannis Poutelis, my friend Remy Warren.
00:55:46.000 Remy Warren.
00:55:46.000 I heard Remy Warren talk about it.
00:55:48.000 My other friend Dirt Myth and maybe one other guy.
00:55:52.000 I know all these hunters and I've never hunted in my life.
00:55:55.000 I think there's like cameramen, there's a bunch of people and this enormous 11 foot bear ran through the camp. 0.99
00:56:01.000 And they said it was the biggest fucking thing. 0.97
00:56:03.000 It was so different than anything they could have expected. 0.99
00:56:05.000 They said it moved so fast.
00:56:07.000 His teeth were so close to them.
00:56:10.000 They said, like, Rinello, when he describes it, he describes it.
00:56:12.000 Rinello's a brilliant guy, but he's also a very well-read guy.
00:56:16.000 He's very eloquent.
00:56:17.000 He has a degree in journalism. 0.98
00:56:19.000 He's, like, he's super fucking smart. 0.87
00:56:21.000 So when he describes this interaction between them and an 11-foot coastal brown bear, which are, like, the biggest bears on Earth. 0.98
00:56:30.000 Ugh.
00:56:31.000 Next to the grizzly, are the polar bears bigger?
00:56:33.000 Or the coastal brown bears of Kodiak, Alaska, that area?
00:56:37.000 They're as big as they get.
00:56:39.000 They're so big. 1.00
00:56:39.000 Aren't those polar bears just the fucking most violent? 1.00
00:56:42.000 Those are the scariest. 1.00
00:56:43.000 Yeah.
00:56:43.000 They're huge.
00:56:44.000 Everybody wants to save them because of Klondike bars and fucking Coca-Cola. 1.00
00:56:47.000 So huge. 1.00
00:56:47.000 They're the most terrifying animals ever. 1.00
00:56:49.000 Have you ever seen them when they can sniff out through ice?
00:56:51.000 Yeah.
00:56:51.000 That there's seals under the ice?
00:56:54.000 What?
00:56:55.000 You'll just see the wildlife footage and they're just...
00:56:58.000 Sniff ice and then they put their paws together and they start dropping all their body weight down to crack the ice and then they'll jump in and just pull out a seal. 0.99
00:57:08.000 It's fucking nuts. 0.99
00:57:09.000 Do you think we could tap into that part of our brains? 1.00
00:57:12.000 Like there's a part of a human in it.
00:57:13.000 Polar bear jeans?
00:57:14.000 You don't have any polar bear jeans.
00:57:16.000 You don't have any polar bear jeans. 0.98
00:57:19.000 There's a reason why you have an iPhone, and you live in a fucking nice house, and you got a TV, and a nice car. 0.99
00:57:26.000 That's because you don't have no polar bear genes. 0.98
00:57:29.000 There's somebody out there with polar bear genes, though, for sure. 0.99
00:57:32.000 Probably somebody who got fucked by a bear. 1.00
00:57:34.000 I got fucked by a bear. 1.00
00:57:36.000 I did get fucked by a bear. 1.00
00:57:38.000 You know what's crazy about this month? 1.00
00:57:40.000 Now I'm fucking pretty fucked up. 0.98
00:57:42.000 What's crazy about this month is inspirational people on Instagram. 0.98
00:57:47.000 Like to listen to them and to really draw inspiration.
00:57:50.000 I got, dude, one more Hunter, last name I'll say.
00:57:53.000 Cam Haynes. 1.00
00:57:55.000 Fucking shit, man. 1.00
00:57:56.000 When you go and put in one of those days and realize he's running a marathon every day. 1.00
00:58:00.000 A marathon a day.
00:58:01.000 A marathon a day.
00:58:02.000 Really?
00:58:04.000 On his lunch break?
00:58:05.000 But let me just, in his defense, he would step in and probably say right now, that's not sustainable for the whole year, but what he does is when he's ramping up for a big 200-plus mile race, he does a marathon a day.
00:58:17.000 Okay, can I say something on the opposite side then?
00:58:19.000 Do you know the story of Marathon?
00:58:21.000 Yes.
00:58:21.000 Where the guy went to tell them of the victory in Marathon?
00:58:24.000 And he died.
00:58:25.000 He died!
00:58:25.000 He did the marathon, then died.
00:58:27.000 That's who we do it after. 1.00
00:58:28.000 But that guy was a pussy. 1.00
00:58:29.000 Cam Haynes is not. 1.00
00:58:30.000 I mean, that's a no-training marathon.
00:58:32.000 That's all.
00:58:33.000 That's the message.
00:58:34.000 In sandals.
00:58:34.000 The message is not that you should do marathons.
00:58:36.000 The message is the best way to kill pussies is make them run marathons. 1.00
00:58:40.000 I've read Cam's... 0.99
00:58:44.000 I read Cameron's comments before, and I like that he has, I mean, he's sincere and I get it, but he has to pretend to be impressed when, like, people tell him, like, I ran two miles today.
00:58:55.000 No, I believe it.
00:58:58.000 I know he's sincere.
00:59:02.000 He'll remind of mine and go, hey, brother, great job.
00:59:04.000 Keep hammering it.
00:59:05.000 And I'm like, you know he thinks six miles is Dude, I asked him.
00:59:08.000 I asked him point blank.
00:59:09.000 I asked him point blank.
00:59:10.000 I'm like, hey, what do you think of Burt running the marathon?
00:59:11.000 He goes, dude, that's impressive.
00:59:13.000 That was impressive.
00:59:14.000 I'm telling you, man, you're being cynical.
00:59:16.000 You're being cynical about a dude who wears cowboy boots most of the days.
00:59:20.000 Don't be cynical.
00:59:21.000 Cam Haynes is straight up.
00:59:22.000 I think he's being totally legit.
00:59:24.000 I'm not calling him cynical.
00:59:25.000 I'm cynical.
00:59:26.000 And I'm saying that I read those comments and I laugh.
00:59:29.000 Because he's like, good job.
00:59:31.000 To the person that I ran 100 yards today.
00:59:35.000 Because he's a guy who runs 240 miles.
00:59:37.000 I know.
00:59:37.000 Do you think he really looks at me running a marathon and goes, that's impressive?
00:59:42.000 Of course he does.
00:59:43.000 He said it.
00:59:43.000 He said it.
00:59:44.000 It's real impressive.
00:59:45.000 I'm trying to tell you, he's one of my best friends. 0.99
00:59:47.000 The guy's the nicest guy in the world, and he started out not being able to run for shit. 0.98
00:59:52.000 He started out doing a mile and fucking dying and going, how the hell could anybody ever run a marathon? 0.99
00:59:57.000 Really? 0.99
00:59:58.000 And then he just kept doing it.
00:59:59.000 It's crazy.
01:00:00.000 And then he got to this point where he could run ultramarathons.
01:00:02.000 He runs a hundred miles.
01:00:03.000 Do you know why he would definitely think it's impressive that you ran a marathon?
01:00:07.000 Because he knows running so well, and he's run so many, he knows what somebody who can run a marathon looks like. 0.97
01:00:17.000 And then when he saw you, he was like, that's fucking impossible. 0.87
01:00:22.000 It's like if your daughter goes, I went on stage, and you go, how long did you do? 0.99
01:00:25.000 And she goes, an hour.
01:00:26.000 You'd be like, wait, what?
01:00:28.000 You did an hour on stage?
01:00:30.000 Right.
01:00:31.000 That's impressive.
01:00:31.000 Come on.
01:00:31.000 That's crazy.
01:00:32.000 That's really impressive.
01:00:32.000 Well, if you know someone, they've been doing comedy for a year, and then they tell you they just did an hour, you're like, wow, that's impressive.
01:00:38.000 But if you just got back from Memphis, I go, how much time do you do?
01:00:42.000 You go, I did an hour.
01:00:43.000 I go, wow, that's impressive. 1.00
01:00:45.000 Yeah, I'd be like, fuck out of here. 1.00
01:00:46.000 Fuck you, man. 1.00
01:00:49.000 What do you mean it's impressive? 1.00
01:00:51.000 What?
01:00:51.000 But it is impressive if someone who's like maybe one of your opening acts does an hour 15 minutes in Cleveland somewhere.
01:00:59.000 You're like, whoa, how was it?
01:01:01.000 You're like, dude, I killed.
01:01:01.000 It was awesome.
01:01:02.000 I'm like, wow, that's impressive. 1.00
01:01:03.000 But if you tell me that you did that, I'd be like, yeah, that's what you do, bitch. 1.00
01:01:07.000 Describe more of it. 1.00
01:01:08.000 That's what you do. 1.00
01:01:09.000 By the way, you're such an asshole. 1.00
01:01:12.000 If somebody said... 1.00
01:01:14.000 I did an hour and you're like, wow, look at you. 1.00
01:01:18.000 You're really a dick for saying that. 0.99
01:01:21.000 But you act like you're positive about it. 0.99
01:01:23.000 What if someone's doing comedy for a year?
01:01:26.000 Of course.
01:01:27.000 Say if you had a friend.
01:01:29.000 If Big J was like, I did an hour in Madison, you're like, wait, hold on, stop right there, dude.
01:01:33.000 That's so cool.
01:01:34.000 Are you saying an hour of human time?
01:01:37.000 Do you stop and stop and watch?
01:01:40.000 Does any headliner not do an hour anymore?
01:01:42.000 A lot too.
01:01:44.000 A lot to less?
01:01:45.000 A lot to 45. Really?
01:01:47.000 Dude, when I first started out, 45 was the number.
01:01:49.000 It was 45. Those are filled with time comics.
01:01:52.000 Yeah.
01:01:53.000 45, 30, and 15. 15, 30, 45, yeah.
01:01:56.000 Yeah, which is an hour and a half show, which is most people what they think their attention span is.
01:02:00.000 Which is, like, honestly, it's kind of accurate.
01:02:03.000 I mean, I think 45, like, we're just, you know, it's too short.
01:02:06.000 Two hours is pushing it for people's attention span.
01:02:09.000 So, like, I think a 90-minute show is great.
01:02:11.000 I've done two hours on stage.
01:02:12.000 I think an hour and 15 show is right.
01:02:14.000 Well, I think a 90-minute show, I'm saying, like, with everything.
01:02:17.000 Yeah.
01:02:17.000 Two-person show.
01:02:18.000 Two-person show.
01:02:18.000 I used to make the mistake of doing long...
01:02:22.000 Sets where I did a lot of stand-up and it was rockin' and rollin' for a while and then I'd do Q&As with people and it would go on too long.
01:02:28.000 Too long.
01:02:29.000 I agree.
01:02:29.000 I don't agree because I know for a fact that it's not right for me, but for you a Q&A would be interesting.
01:02:37.000 Yeah, it wouldn't be interesting.
01:02:39.000 It would be more interesting if people didn't see an hour and a half of comedy first.
01:02:43.000 See, that's the problem.
01:02:45.000 The problem is not whether or not it's good stuff.
01:02:46.000 The problem is, how much good stuff do you want all day long? 1.00
01:02:50.000 Nobody wants their dick sucked eight hours a day. 1.00
01:02:52.000 Like, stop. 1.00
01:02:53.000 I gotta do things.
01:02:54.000 Yeah, but counterpoint, if you did an hour and twenty of really solid comedy, and then was like, alright, now we're gonna do Q&A for a while, it's gonna be different.
01:03:02.000 But meanwhile, you guys who bought your ticket for a show, it's like a whole festival now.
01:03:06.000 We did the stand-up, now let's have some fun times.
01:03:08.000 I think, dude, I'll tell you, I think the closer that you are to 60, if it's polished and good, that's the best show you can play.
01:03:17.000 But hang on, but where none of us are...
01:03:21.000 I'm not doing that right now.
01:03:22.000 I won't say I won't speak for everyone, but I'm not doing that right now in that I'm working on my 60. So in order to work on my 60, I have to do an hour of 50. Yeah, but that's different, because you're figuring it out.
01:03:32.000 Most of what we tour is not...
01:03:34.000 Yeah, finish, finish.
01:03:35.000 It's not finished.
01:03:36.000 It's the working progress.
01:03:38.000 The idea is not that 60 is the number that you shouldn't pass.
01:03:40.000 The idea is that when you think about it as a thing where people want to see, where you've got it locked down perfectly from start to finish, you really want an hour and a half.
01:03:50.000 And you want your opening act to do at least 20, 25 minutes.
01:03:54.000 Sure.
01:03:55.000 I'd go 15. There's nothing wrong with that.
01:03:57.000 I do 15 and then I take the rest of the time.
01:03:59.000 I do a two-man show.
01:03:59.000 There's nothing wrong with that, but I like to bring headliners with me.
01:04:02.000 I bring anybody, any of you guys are welcome.
01:04:05.000 I bring Tony Hinchcliffe all the time, Ian Edwards.
01:04:08.000 Those guys are headliners. 0.99
01:04:09.000 Dude, Ian Edwards is the funniest motherfucker. 1.00
01:04:12.000 He's a monster. 0.99
01:04:13.000 I would say he's the most underrepresented comedy guy. 1.00
01:04:18.000 He should be a household fucking name. 0.99
01:04:20.000 I've been saying that forever, man. 1.00
01:04:21.000 I started out with Ian.
01:04:22.000 Tony as well.
01:04:23.000 I didn't mean to skip over Tony.
01:04:25.000 I've known Ian since like 1990. Yeah, I met Ian in 2002, 2003. We did a Pauly Shore thing in Miami and Rogan was like, who are you doing with us?
01:04:35.000 Ian Edwards was like, oh yeah, I know him.
01:04:36.000 I was like, wait, from what?
01:04:38.000 When?
01:04:38.000 It's like 84 years old.
01:04:40.000 Here's the thing about Ian.
01:04:42.000 He's a brilliant writer, too.
01:04:46.000 He gets writing gigs on sitcoms and all these other different shows.
01:04:50.000 And one of the things about writing gigs is, first of all, it's very convenient.
01:04:53.000 You don't have to go anywhere.
01:04:54.000 You stay in town and you get paid a nice amount of money.
01:04:58.000 You make good money.
01:04:59.000 It's hard to pass up on.
01:05:01.000 But the problem is you're not out there building your name in different cities and building up markets.
01:05:06.000 And you're not putting out a lot of comedy specials.
01:05:08.000 You only have one CD on Team Coco Records.
01:05:11.000 It's called 100% Half-Assed. 0.99
01:05:13.000 It's fucking hilarious. 0.98
01:05:14.000 But really, you've got to see him live. 1.00
01:05:17.000 His timing is fucking genius. 0.98
01:05:19.000 I've known that guy forever. 0.99
01:05:20.000 He's the nicest fucking person you're ever going to meet, too. 0.97
01:05:23.000 He's so funny. 0.99
01:05:24.000 He has jokes that are burned into my memory.
01:05:27.000 Yeah, that shark joke is great.
01:05:29.000 He's got so many.
01:05:30.000 Haircut. 0.99
01:05:31.000 So fucking talented. 0.99
01:05:32.000 As a person, he couldn't be a better person. 0.99
01:05:36.000 He couldn't be a better person.
01:05:37.000 That guy never has a problem with anybody.
01:05:38.000 You know what I like about him is most of the person, when you're riffing jokes around a crowd, and they rely on someone getting offended sometimes when you say something horrible.
01:05:46.000 But since it's all comics, everyone's like, huh, yeah.
01:05:48.000 And no one gets offended.
01:05:49.000 But Ian is willing to be like, oh, dude, that is out there.
01:05:53.000 And you're like, hell yes, I need that, thank you.
01:05:57.000 Yeah, he'll let you know.
01:05:59.000 He and I did a lot of gigs together.
01:06:02.000 We did a lot of gigs together this year.
01:06:03.000 Yeah, I did all my gigs getting ready for my last Netflix special were all with Ian or with Tony.
01:06:09.000 That's cool.
01:06:10.000 And a couple with Santino.
01:06:12.000 He's great.
01:06:13.000 Santino's great. 1.00
01:06:14.000 Santino's a motherfucker, son! 1.00
01:06:16.000 Dude, I bought his shoes. 1.00
01:06:17.000 He's a motherfucker. 1.00
01:06:17.000 I like the set so much, I bought the shoes he was wearing. 1.00
01:06:20.000 Dude, these guys are coming up, man.
01:06:23.000 Tony Hinchcliffe was murdering it, too.
01:06:24.000 Dude, Kill Tony is legit a sellout show.
01:06:28.000 It's a legit show.
01:06:29.000 I remember doing it when he put 15 people in the room, him and Red Band. 0.76
01:06:33.000 Dude, they are selling out everywhere they fucking go, and it's a brilliant idea. 0.95
01:06:37.000 First of all, Tony is so good at roasting. 1.00
01:06:41.000 He's so good at that kind of shit. 1.00
01:06:43.000 That kind of situation where someone bombs and does one minute, he's a little murderer. 1.00
01:06:49.000 Dude, he makes me blush sitting next to him.
01:06:53.000 Dude, how many times have you sat next to him and he lights someone up and you hit him and you go, I'm three steps behind you.
01:06:59.000 Oh, yeah, man.
01:07:00.000 Oh, you already said that one.
01:07:02.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99
01:07:03.000 I feel it down my back when he starts fucking lighting. 1.00
01:07:06.000 I'm like, shit. 1.00
01:07:07.000 He's good at it, dude. 1.00
01:07:09.000 The format is so genius.
01:07:10.000 It's so perfect.
01:07:11.000 New comics, they do one minute.
01:07:13.000 At the end of the minute, Red Band gives them a meow. 1.00
01:07:16.000 Like, time's up, bitch. 1.00
01:07:17.000 Fucking Red Ben. 1.00
01:07:18.000 Red Ben's good at that. 1.00
01:07:19.000 Fuck, the whole combination's great. 1.00
01:07:21.000 Jeremiah Watkins. 1.00
01:07:23.000 Jeremiah's such a good improviser. 1.00
01:07:24.000 Jeremiah is a fucking multi-haff...haffinate? 1.00
01:07:28.000 Fascinate. 1.00
01:07:29.000 Fascinate. 1.00
01:07:29.000 Whatever the fuck he is. 1.00
01:07:30.000 Fascinate, that one. 1.00
01:07:31.000 Jeremiah's a fuck. 1.00
01:07:32.000 He's all over the map. 1.00
01:07:33.000 He'll do it all.
01:07:33.000 He always brings a new character out for that.
01:07:36.000 Hilarious.
01:07:36.000 He's so funny, man.
01:07:37.000 Okay, so when did this change?
01:07:39.000 When did things change?
01:07:40.000 Right now, we're talking about comics that...
01:07:43.000 Back in the day when we were coming up, no one ever gave us props for being funny and young.
01:07:47.000 And right now, when did that change in stand-up where everyone was like...
01:07:51.000 It became a community where everyone wanted to see people succeed.
01:07:54.000 Yeah, when I came up, I felt there was this weird, unnecessary competition between people.
01:08:00.000 Because I had come from a world of competition, so I was like, why are you guys pretending you're competing?
01:08:04.000 You're not competing.
01:08:06.000 Like, you're just...
01:08:08.000 There's a few people that are going to get certain roles and things, but the way to look at it correctly was not that you're competing.
01:08:14.000 The way to look at it correctly, in my estimation, was that we're helping each other.
01:08:18.000 Like, when I see you kill, I get inspired.
01:08:23.000 I see some new bit that's, like, really...
01:08:26.000 Well-crafted and hits me and surprises me, I get inspired.
01:08:31.000 And I think that when you see comics in a vacuum, like I remember when I was coming up, I would go on these weird tours.
01:08:38.000 We'd do a weird show in some weird town.
01:08:40.000 They had a local scene.
01:08:41.000 And the local scene was almost always hacky.
01:08:43.000 Like there's a few scenes that weren't hacky, like Houston wasn't hacky.
01:08:47.000 They had a lot of pride in not being hacky.
01:08:50.000 Boston was very not hacky.
01:08:51.000 New York was not hacky.
01:08:53.000 But Florida was hacking.
01:08:54.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
01:08:55.000 White trash. 1.00
01:08:57.000 There's a few places like that. 1.00
01:08:58.000 That's us, by the way. 1.00
01:09:00.000 Specific white trash. 1.00
01:09:01.000 I was like, oh, they don't have anybody good that they're around. 0.99
01:09:04.000 And I remember how bad I was when I first started.
01:09:08.000 How hacky my ideas were, how shitty they were, but I got lucky that I was around guys like Lenny Clark and Barry Crimmins and you know and then after that wave it was Louis C.K. and Marc Maron and there was a lot and there was all these guys that nobody ever heard of that were really good but super ethical about their material and like really sharp about you you broke the fuck meter you said fuck too much like when you say it it ruins it for everybody Like, 0.98
01:09:37.000 they would explain, like, this comedy theory to you that was, like, really high-level stuff that I remember thinking, like, why doesn't everybody just do that for everybody, like, all over the place? 0.89
01:09:47.000 Like, why does everybody, like, treat this as if there's, like, a famine situation going on?
01:09:53.000 And there's a small amount of comedy fans. 0.97
01:09:56.000 No, bitch, you can't be in Cleveland every night and I'm going to be in Denver and you're going to be in Detroit. 1.00
01:10:01.000 We're supposed to support each other. 1.00
01:10:03.000 This is so stupid. 1.00
01:10:04.000 We're the only people that understand each other in terms of what a bizarre human being it takes to be on stage. 1.00
01:10:11.000 Broken.
01:10:12.000 We are broken.
01:10:13.000 With a spotlight! 1.00
01:10:14.000 Talking shit! 1.00
01:10:15.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:10:16.000 Not that many people know how to do it, so we may as well talk to each other.
01:10:19.000 But what was the change?
01:10:19.000 Well, the change was the internet.
01:10:21.000 This is why.
01:10:21.000 Because before the internet, everybody was like, I want to be the next host of The Tonight Show when Jay Leno retires.
01:10:26.000 And I'm the next Conan, but I'm on cable.
01:10:29.000 Everybody had this idea of being one person who stood out in a limited amount of slots.
01:10:34.000 And then the internet came around and no longer was there a limited amount of slots.
01:10:39.000 Instead, it's hard to remember. 0.85
01:10:41.000 But when I first started doing the acting shit, it's hard to remember what it was like back then. 0.89
01:10:46.000 No internet, and everything was on either NBC, ABC, CBS, or Fox. 0.98
01:10:52.000 That was it.
01:10:53.000 And there was a few VH1, MTV things.
01:10:56.000 It was famine.
01:10:57.000 But they could choose.
01:10:58.000 There's also one person or one of 20 people who say, yes, you're in.
01:11:03.000 And then that's it.
01:11:05.000 Either you're in or you're not.
01:11:06.000 And this was for MTV, and this was for HBO comedy specials, and this was for all these things.
01:11:12.000 And it was good in that the people that got through were very high quality.
01:11:16.000 Sometimes, sometimes.
01:11:17.000 A lot of them.
01:11:18.000 If you look back at the comics that became big off of HBO, they have the best record, I think, of all time.
01:11:25.000 If you were to judge, Chris Rock had HBO specials.
01:11:29.000 Louis C.K. Carlin had one a year for how long?
01:11:36.000 I think he put out 16. Before you saw it or you'll never see it again.
01:11:41.000 Impossible to comprehend.
01:11:43.000 He did a new hour every year.
01:11:45.000 And I went to one.
01:11:46.000 I got to see him run either the last one or the second to last one.
01:11:51.000 At the store?
01:11:52.000 No! 1.00
01:11:52.000 Fucking I wish. 1.00
01:11:53.000 And he would run it always the night before I learned later at Comedy Magic Club, which I lived nearby for a while. 0.99
01:12:00.000 But I got to see him do it at Universal Amphitheater when that was still a thing.
01:12:05.000 And for his closing bit...
01:12:06.000 He had it written down, and he told the 6,000-person audience. 0.99
01:12:10.000 He was working it like it was a fucking 80-person room. 0.99
01:12:14.000 He told 6,400 people. 1.00
01:12:16.000 He's like, this is how I remember this shit. 1.00
01:12:18.000 I gotta fucking read it. 1.00
01:12:19.000 So then he read the whole last bit, because it was really wordy. 0.99
01:12:23.000 It was like a monologue. 0.98
01:12:25.000 And he's like, this is how I ended up memorizing this, so you guys are gonna listen to me fucking read it. 0.67
01:12:28.000 I got to see him on the... 0.64
01:12:30.000 This is what he would do.
01:12:31.000 He would write a new monologue, essentially, and he would tighten up a little bit over the course of the year.
01:12:36.000 I thought this was a dog the whole time, for some reason.
01:12:39.000 It's a werewolf?
01:12:39.000 What is it?
01:12:39.000 It's just a cord.
01:12:41.000 I thought it was a dog nuzzling my leg.
01:12:43.000 You really are, I? For real?
01:12:44.000 Yeah, I was like, oh, that's a nice dog.
01:12:46.000 That was my thought.
01:12:46.000 You really thought there was a dog in there?
01:12:48.000 For a second, I did, and then I just realized...
01:12:49.000 You thought it was a rat, and you're just so calm.
01:12:51.000 I would freak out.
01:12:52.000 That's happened in my house, because our cat brings rats in the house. 0.99
01:12:54.000 Isn't it funny that we're so racist against rats, but yet squirrels get a free pass?
01:12:58.000 A squirrel in the house, I'm trying to put a net over it and bring the little fella outside. 1.00
01:13:02.000 If it's a rat, I'm trying to kill everybody he's ever met. 1.00
01:13:05.000 I'm going to stomp that motherfucker. 1.00
01:13:07.000 Someone said the only difference between squirrels and rats are their tails. 1.00
01:13:11.000 That's not totally true because rats carry plague and that's why we have an apprehension about them. 1.00
01:13:16.000 Tell that friend to go fuck himself with the shitty advice. 1.00
01:13:20.000 Squirrels forever, yo. 1.00
01:13:21.000 Fuck off. 1.00
01:13:22.000 Squirrels. 1.00
01:13:22.000 I'm team squirrels, son. 1.00
01:13:24.000 What were we just talking about?
01:13:25.000 Listen, this month, here's one thing that did happen to me.
01:13:28.000 I want to tell you guys this.
01:13:30.000 When it was over, did this month freak you out?
01:13:32.000 Like when it was over, when it was all said and done, like November 2nd maybe, I woke up. 0.99
01:13:36.000 And I went, what the fuck just happened? 0.99
01:13:39.000 How did I go from living this completely normal life of podcast guests and UFC to being involved in this fucking insane battle to the death? 0.99
01:13:49.000 Yeah, I mean, you know what else occurred to me?
01:13:52.000 This probably doesn't occur to you because of your history with working out, but I had that exciting but disappointing thought of like, wow, I can't believe how much I was able to do.
01:14:04.000 Oh, I can't believe how much I'm able to do.
01:14:06.000 And don't.
01:14:07.000 Don't, yeah.
01:14:08.000 That's in the last five days.
01:14:09.000 Yeah, that's like a bummer, man.
01:14:11.000 Right?
01:14:12.000 To me it was.
01:14:13.000 I was like, I could be doing a lot more than this.
01:14:15.000 But here's the thing.
01:14:15.000 Do you want to be doing a lot more?
01:14:17.000 I don't think the key to be...
01:14:18.000 That's a good point.
01:14:20.000 It's definitely not to do what we did.
01:14:21.000 If I could get there for an hour of running and an hour of weights twice a week, I'd be like, this is amazing.
01:14:29.000 Like, that's ahead of the curve.
01:14:31.000 Like, great.
01:14:32.000 That's health.
01:14:33.000 Yeah.
01:14:33.000 That's a good number.
01:14:35.000 How many?
01:14:36.000 Two days of two hours.
01:14:38.000 Two days, two hours.
01:14:38.000 Even like 45 minutes, 45 minutes.
01:14:40.000 I do two days.
01:14:41.000 You do?
01:14:42.000 And you know what's not a bad idea either?
01:14:44.000 You know what's not a bad idea?
01:14:45.000 Four days, half hour a day.
01:14:47.000 That ain't that either.
01:14:49.000 Wait, what are we talking about?
01:14:50.000 I'm lost.
01:14:51.000 So you're thinking four days for just a half an hour?
01:14:54.000 Yes.
01:14:54.000 No, no, no, no.
01:14:55.000 This changed my whole fucking way of looking at working out. 0.98
01:14:58.000 You've got to do an hour. 0.99
01:14:59.000 You can.
01:15:00.000 You have to.
01:15:01.000 You certainly can.
01:15:01.000 If you're me and Tom, you do.
01:15:03.000 I'm so impressed with you.
01:15:04.000 You can do a half an hour hard.
01:15:07.000 You can do a half an hour hard.
01:15:08.000 There's a DVD that I follow.
01:15:10.000 It's called the Kettlebell Extreme Cardio Workout by this guy, Keith Weber, who's a past guest. 0.98
01:15:16.000 This is the dude that is by himself in a fucking room, steady shot? 0.68
01:15:20.000 Well, he does a couple different variations, but one of them he did on a beach, and this is the one he did. 0.99
01:15:24.000 He just takes a 35-pound kettlebell, and you're like, how hard could this be?
01:15:28.000 35 pounds is not heavy, but you do it for 40 minutes.
01:15:33.000 40 minutes with that?
01:15:34.000 Yes, yes, yes, yes.
01:15:36.000 You have your little breaks.
01:15:37.000 Tommy.
01:15:37.000 You have your little breaks.
01:15:39.000 Tommy, I bought this. 1.00
01:15:40.000 I bought this because of this motherfucker. 1.00
01:15:41.000 You're going dark! 1.00
01:15:43.000 It's impossible, Tom.
01:15:44.000 It's so dark.
01:15:45.000 It's impossible.
01:15:46.000 But here's the thing.
01:15:46.000 After it's over, I could barely walk.
01:15:48.000 I could barely walk.
01:15:49.000 I was hobbling.
01:15:50.000 That's a good sign.
01:15:52.000 My hamstrings and my quads were destroyed.
01:15:54.000 You know what I did the second to last day?
01:15:56.000 What?
01:15:56.000 I did 15-minute rounds with a guy with mitts.
01:15:59.000 Up and down, up and down, up and down.
01:16:00.000 You could see the other people's stuff.
01:16:02.000 You could see some yellow.
01:16:03.000 It would be on the...
01:16:04.000 Well, I'd stay above 80. What did you think about when you were doing it?
01:16:07.000 I thought about, I was trying to give my legs a rest.
01:16:12.000 So that was what prompted me to start it.
01:16:14.000 And then when I was doing it, I would just think about points and Burt.
01:16:19.000 Points and Burt.
01:16:20.000 Burt was a great motivator.
01:16:21.000 Let me tell you something.
01:16:23.000 I did not want to come in last.
01:16:24.000 I could use one little, just heads up.
01:16:26.000 Seriously.
01:16:27.000 A heads up?
01:16:28.000 You're welcome, everybody.
01:16:29.000 Because all of you were beating me.
01:16:31.000 And there was a part of me that definitely felt very alone.
01:16:35.000 That's not true.
01:16:36.000 Because I never thought you could ever beat me.
01:16:38.000 I wasn't beating you.
01:16:40.000 But here's what I was doing.
01:16:41.000 That's not what I was looking for!
01:16:42.000 Here's what I was doing.
01:16:44.000 What I was doing was punishing you.
01:16:46.000 Because I wanted to take you on a dark, dark, dark tour of all of your insecurities and all of your thoughts of mortality.
01:16:56.000 I wanted to take you into a place where you could never travel. 1.00
01:17:02.000 We're going to go to the bottom of the ocean, motherfucker. 1.00
01:17:05.000 As soon as I saw these numbers and you were saying you're going to do double, I went, okay. 1.00
01:17:11.000 You got him mad, you fucking idiots! 1.00
01:17:13.000 You didn't get me mad, but you made me open up the door to the dark place. 1.00
01:17:20.000 First of all, you realize that when I was doing the videos, they were all for comedy effect.
01:17:25.000 I understand, but that doesn't matter to me when I'm in competition mode.
01:17:29.000 When I did the video where I go, Joe, I saw your numbers.
01:17:31.000 I'm doubling them.
01:17:32.000 I came up with my dog, and then I pretended to lose my dog.
01:17:36.000 Everyone thought that was real.
01:17:38.000 I was like, my dog's had five knee surgeries.
01:17:40.000 She definitely can't like the Canyons.
01:17:41.000 That was so funny because he definitely knew you were joking. 1.00
01:17:44.000 But he was like, but fuck that. 1.00
01:17:46.000 I don't care. 1.00
01:17:47.000 It doesn't serve me.
01:17:50.000 To think that you're joking.
01:17:52.000 It serves me.
01:17:53.000 Right.
01:17:53.000 It serves me to take you very seriously and to take you to the dark place.
01:17:59.000 Yeah.
01:17:59.000 I'll tell you what.
01:18:00.000 What?
01:18:00.000 I heard you talk to Nikki Glaser.
01:18:02.000 Yeah.
01:18:04.000 I heard that and I was like...
01:18:06.000 What'd he say?
01:18:06.000 He said I'm trying to kill Bert.
01:18:08.000 He did? 1.00
01:18:09.000 I'm trying to kill him. 0.99
01:18:09.000 I saw Nikki that week after she was here. 0.99
01:18:12.000 I'm like, I hope he doesn't die.
01:18:13.000 Just play it.
01:18:14.000 No, you didn't say I hope he doesn't die.
01:18:16.000 You did not say that.
01:18:16.000 That's how I felt.
01:18:17.000 I hope he did die. 0.72
01:18:19.000 That's not what you said.
01:18:19.000 Alright, this is going to be my new favorite clip.
01:18:21.000 What is it?
01:18:22.000 I should just be really clear.
01:18:27.000 We are right after Bird has said he's going to double my score.
01:18:30.000 Right.
01:18:31.000 And I'm like...
01:18:32.000 Right.
01:18:33.000 You're fired up by this.
01:18:34.000 This is great.
01:18:35.000 Hold on, hold on, hold on.
01:18:35.000 Isn't that so funny, though?
01:18:36.000 If he fucked this up, basically? 0.81
01:18:38.000 He definitely pushed him harder. 0.72
01:18:40.000 Let's listen to him.
01:18:41.000 What did you say?
01:18:42.000 There's not a part of you that respected the Conor McGregor and me.
01:18:45.000 How dare you?
01:18:45.000 How dare you compare yourself to one of the greatest mixed martial arts fighters of all time who has the support of the entire nation of Ireland.
01:18:57.000 You know Conor McGregor looks at me and you and can explore with me.
01:19:01.000 Over 5,700. 0.99
01:19:03.000 Whoever the fuck is in Ireland. 0.99
01:19:05.000 Connor would love Bert. 1.00
01:19:07.000 Connor would fucking... 0.99
01:19:09.000 If you said Connor, you got one hour to hang out with one guy, he's picking me, bro. 1.00
01:19:14.000 I talk shit. 1.00
01:19:16.000 I talk shit. 1.00
01:19:17.000 You might ask me advice. 1.00
01:19:18.000 I would like to talk to him about his future.
01:19:21.000 I have some thoughts.
01:19:22.000 I want him on your podcast so bad, man.
01:19:24.000 I love that guy.
01:19:24.000 Why hasn't he been on your podcast?
01:19:26.000 I don't know.
01:19:26.000 We were supposed to do it a long time ago.
01:19:28.000 I had his trainer on really recently.
01:19:31.000 I hope he doesn't think that in any way that I don't respect him or appreciate him.
01:19:37.000 Because fighters are super, super sensitive.
01:19:40.000 I've gone through that a few times.
01:19:42.000 I called Tony Ferguson, who's literally one of my all-time favorite fighters.
01:19:47.000 I said he was a brilliant weirdo.
01:19:50.000 Because he wears, like, ankle weights the way he is.
01:19:52.000 He got mad at you?
01:19:52.000 He got mad at me.
01:19:53.000 He got upset.
01:19:54.000 And I had to talk to him, and I had to, like, try to sort it out.
01:19:58.000 I did it through someone else. 1.00
01:19:59.000 And I was like, fuck. 1.00
01:20:00.000 What pussies they all are at the inside. 1.00
01:20:02.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 1.00
01:20:03.000 It seems like that.
01:20:04.000 It seems like that.
01:20:06.000 But what it is, is you're so exposed.
01:20:09.000 What you're doing is so personal.
01:20:12.000 It's so insane.
01:20:14.000 What we can brush off, it's way harder for them.
01:20:18.000 If you lose a fight and someone disrespects you or in public sentiment keeps you from getting a title shot, that's a significant part of their life.
01:20:29.000 And they're not used to dealing with public reaction.
01:20:32.000 What they're used to dealing with is competition.
01:20:34.000 So the public reaction thing of celebrity is an afterthought.
01:20:38.000 It's something, an after effect of competition, right?
01:20:40.000 You become successful, and then you have to deal with all these people around you that want you to dance. 0.99
01:20:45.000 Well, Conor McGregor is a natural shit talker. 0.99
01:20:47.000 Thank you. 1.00
01:20:48.000 He's a great fighter, but he's also a natural shit talker. 0.98
01:20:51.000 You want a buffalo bar? 0.99
01:20:53.000 Yeah.
01:20:54.000 Dude, that's what I love about Conor McGregor.
01:20:55.000 So why have you had Conor McGregor and Bernie Sanders on?
01:20:58.000 It's a weird situation that you haven't had either one of those people on.
01:21:01.000 I tried to get Bernie recently.
01:21:02.000 He said no?
01:21:03.000 Some fake Bernie contacted us.
01:21:05.000 Oh, you said you were had, right?
01:21:07.000 Yeah, I was had.
01:21:07.000 They got me.
01:21:08.000 And I said, I'm a big fan.
01:21:09.000 I like a lot of your ideas.
01:21:11.000 I'd love to have you on.
01:21:12.000 And then it was a fake Bernie.
01:21:12.000 Why would he not come out of here, though?
01:21:13.000 I don't think he wants to run for president, man.
01:21:15.000 Why would he still not come out of here to show his ideas?
01:21:17.000 I don't know.
01:21:18.000 I don't know, man. 0.83
01:21:19.000 You know what I fucking love, by the way, about Conor McGregor? 0.96
01:21:21.000 Is that he made me re-appreciate the athlete who knows they're also an entertainer. 0.95
01:21:28.000 Yeah.
01:21:29.000 I actually...
01:21:30.000 Thank you.
01:21:30.000 You know, there's people that did that.
01:21:32.000 I mean, everyone would probably give Ali credit for being...
01:21:34.000 Do you know why it works?
01:21:35.000 I don't know why it works.
01:21:36.000 Because that's who he is.
01:21:38.000 That's who he is, right. 1.00
01:21:38.000 That guy would be talking shit and sparring. 1.00
01:21:41.000 There's guys that are just funny like that. 1.00
01:21:42.000 That doc on him is fantastic.
01:21:44.000 Look at him, he's smoking weed with Mike Tyson. 1.00
01:21:45.000 By the way, Mike Tyson owns a goddamn weed farm. 0.99
01:21:49.000 What is it called now? 1.00
01:21:50.000 Yeah, what is it called?
01:21:51.000 Jamie, make that smaller, please, so we can read what the hashtag is.
01:21:56.000 It used to have... 0.99
01:21:58.000 Goddamn. 0.99
01:21:59.000 It used to say something about Tyson something or another. 0.97
01:22:02.000 Did they edit it?
01:22:03.000 I didn't see it on there earlier.
01:22:05.000 I looked.
01:22:05.000 Huh.
01:22:06.000 He's having fun.
01:22:08.000 He has some sort of company.
01:22:10.000 They're growing weed.
01:22:11.000 Mike Tyson's growing weed.
01:22:13.000 That's wild.
01:22:14.000 These are great.
01:22:15.000 Dude, the thing that's great about...
01:22:16.000 It's really tricky about the UFC because I love...
01:22:20.000 Mike Tyson reportedly building a 40-acre weed farm.
01:22:24.000 Bam! 0.98
01:22:25.000 Oh, cabbage will be there.
01:22:26.000 Cabbage?
01:22:27.000 What?
01:22:27.000 Is that in Nevada?
01:22:29.000 That's in California?
01:22:31.000 That's in California.
01:22:34.000 Did you see that?
01:22:36.000 But I do have to tell you...
01:22:38.000 Wait, can I just read the first line? 0.98
01:22:39.000 Boxer, actor, and rapist, Mike Tyson. 0.98
01:22:42.000 Jesus, man.
01:22:42.000 Does he actually say that?
01:22:43.000 It does say that.
01:22:44.000 It does say that. 0.99
01:22:45.000 Who the fuck wrote that? 0.99
01:22:47.000 Some really mean person. 1.00
01:22:48.000 This has got to be theroots.com.
01:22:52.000 That's rude.
01:22:54.000 Let it...
01:22:54.000 God.
01:22:56.000 Bro.
01:22:58.000 Seriously.
01:22:59.000 Bro.
01:23:00.000 I mean, to open your article like that? 0.99
01:23:04.000 Here, you know, all bullshit aside, there has to be some way. 0.99
01:23:09.000 That's crazy. 1.00
01:23:10.000 It's crazy.
01:23:11.000 There has to be some way for people to bounce back from horrible things, right?
01:23:16.000 He did.
01:23:16.000 He did.
01:23:17.000 He definitely did.
01:23:18.000 He would be, like, front and center.
01:23:21.000 Marion Barry did it. 0.98
01:23:22.000 Mike Tyson did it.
01:23:22.000 Dude, I met Marion Barry on the Opie and Anthony show.
01:23:25.000 Yeah, I was with you.
01:23:25.000 Yeah, that's right, you were.
01:23:27.000 And as soon as he came in, I started asking him about crack.
01:23:29.000 You did?
01:23:30.000 Yeah.
01:23:31.000 He went straight at him.
01:23:32.000 We were all staring at him and Joe was like, I'll lead this.
01:23:36.000 My thought was like I had someone trapped in a corner.
01:23:39.000 Like I had a wounded thing in a corner.
01:23:43.000 Okay, just so you know, by the way, he was just in the hallway looking for his next interview and Norton run out and be like, hey man, you're in here.
01:23:48.000 Come on in here with us.
01:23:50.000 I just brought him in.
01:23:51.000 I'm like, he's going to run.
01:23:53.000 He's going to run.
01:23:53.000 What did you say to him?
01:23:54.000 I said, did you smoke crack?
01:23:58.000 No, no, no, no, no.
01:23:59.000 And I asked him about the...
01:23:59.000 No, that's not what you said.
01:24:00.000 You said, what a testimony to the American spirit you are, that you can come back from all these things and manage to reclaim yourself and become mayor again of Washington, D.C., despite everything you went through.
01:24:15.000 Yeah.
01:24:15.000 And he goes, what did I go through?
01:24:17.000 That's right.
01:24:19.000 That's what he said?
01:24:19.000 He said, no one knows what's in that pipe.
01:24:21.000 I go, what did you just say to me?
01:24:23.000 No one knows what's in that pipe.
01:24:24.000 He said, I didn't smoke crack.
01:24:25.000 He said, I can't even smoke crack, but he didn't smoke crack.
01:24:27.000 No one knows what's in that pipe.
01:24:29.000 No, he didn't even say he didn't smoke crack.
01:24:31.000 I think he'd already realized legalese at that point.
01:24:35.000 Yeah.
01:24:35.000 So I don't think he said...
01:24:36.000 Did he say I didn't smoke crack?
01:24:38.000 He didn't.
01:24:39.000 No.
01:24:39.000 I think he said, no one knows what was in that pipe.
01:24:42.000 Yeah.
01:24:42.000 Yeah.
01:24:43.000 And I went, oh, this is some jujitsu!
01:24:47.000 You just got underhooks on me! 1.00
01:24:49.000 He served you up, man.
01:24:50.000 But then Joe said, well, what did...
01:24:54.000 You think you were smoking when you smoked whatever was in that pipe.
01:24:58.000 I mean, when you lit it up, what did you think was going to be?
01:25:01.000 He wasn't supposed to be there.
01:25:03.000 I knew we had to have him.
01:25:03.000 He took off.
01:25:04.000 That's where he left.
01:25:05.000 That's where he's like, uh, you got me?
01:25:07.000 Good.
01:25:07.000 Well played.
01:25:07.000 See you later.
01:25:08.000 I knew we had to get him quick.
01:25:10.000 I was like, you got to get this guy quick.
01:25:12.000 This guy's going to try to do a two-minute.
01:25:14.000 I'm here to say hi.
01:25:15.000 I'm watching DC in the house.
01:25:17.000 Thank you very much for voting for me again.
01:25:19.000 Holla! 1.00
01:25:20.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:25:20.000 He just wanted to come and say hi and bolt.
01:25:23.000 So I just had to grab him.
01:25:26.000 Can I say this?
01:25:27.000 That I got a letter when we registered.
01:25:29.000 I was like, I don't know how to do it.
01:25:30.000 I was so mad about doing this thing in the first place.
01:25:33.000 I didn't want to get talked into Sober October again.
01:25:35.000 Wait, hold on, hold on.
01:25:37.000 Stop.
01:25:37.000 You called me beginning.
01:25:38.000 Will you do it next year?
01:25:39.000 No.
01:25:40.000 Yes.
01:25:41.000 He's going to do it.
01:25:42.000 The answer is yes.
01:25:42.000 Wait a minute.
01:25:43.000 Is there any penalty for this year?
01:25:45.000 Hold on a second, Ari.
01:25:46.000 I owe everyone something.
01:25:48.000 Hold, please.
01:25:49.000 I owe everyone something.
01:25:50.000 Let me appeal... 0.98
01:25:50.000 You gotta drink piss. 0.98
01:25:52.000 Let me appeal... 0.97
01:25:52.000 That's what I said. 0.97
01:25:54.000 I'll drink yours.
01:25:55.000 I need that recovery.
01:25:56.000 Let me appeal to your fiscal sensibilities, Ari.
01:25:59.000 Okay.
01:25:59.000 What if next year we've got a sponsor?
01:26:01.000 Like, I just want to tell you guys, this is like one of the most popular podcasts we've ever done, by far.
01:26:07.000 It is this whole series of podcasts we're doing, from the Weight Loss Podcast to last year's Sober October to this year.
01:26:12.000 Why would you call it Weight Loss Podcast instead of Fat Challenge Podcast?
01:26:18.000 God.
01:26:19.000 I'm trying to be positive, bro.
01:26:20.000 Thank you, Joe.
01:26:21.000 I'm trying to be body positive.
01:26:22.000 Yeah, man.
01:26:23.000 Every curve is exactly where it's supposed to be.
01:26:29.000 Us competing, random points every quarter.
01:26:34.000 Okay, but you guys, here's what you're going to say.
01:26:36.000 We'll be the greatest show of all time.
01:26:37.000 That's not going to happen.
01:26:38.000 I'm busy.
01:26:38.000 You're busy, too.
01:26:39.000 I would do every quarter.
01:26:41.000 I would do every quarter. 0.99
01:26:41.000 But once a year would be a fucking holiday. 0.99
01:26:43.000 Once a year is good. 0.99
01:26:44.000 We invent our own holiday.
01:26:45.000 Okay, but you guys, listen, I understand.
01:26:48.000 I know what it's like.
01:26:48.000 You have babies.
01:26:49.000 It's okay.
01:26:50.000 You devote your life to other things.
01:26:52.000 But I have fun.
01:26:53.000 I do things that you all legitimately want to still be doing.
01:26:57.000 There's no way out of this.
01:26:58.000 October is not the right time.
01:26:59.000 You're doing it.
01:27:00.000 It's the best drinking in New York.
01:27:02.000 I appreciate you.
01:27:03.000 November, December, January, February.
01:27:06.000 So you're in.
01:27:07.000 Those are all okay times. 0.95
01:27:08.000 This is ridiculous.
01:27:10.000 I love you like no one else in your life. 0.97
01:27:11.000 It's hurting my life.
01:27:12.000 I don't have an issue.
01:27:14.000 It's hurting my life.
01:27:16.000 Mine too.
01:27:17.000 You were great this year.
01:27:18.000 You did a great job.
01:27:19.000 You did a great job, bro.
01:27:20.000 You did a great job.
01:27:21.000 I took the last day off.
01:27:23.000 You could have. 0.99
01:27:24.000 You were at fucking 4200 points. 0.99
01:27:26.000 He told me, he was like, well, you just fucking sync up and just let me know if I have to get back on the treadmill. 0.99
01:27:37.000 Hold on, hold on, hold on.
01:27:38.000 You guys were all talking independently?
01:27:40.000 No, because I was only talking to the group.
01:27:42.000 Here or there?
01:27:43.000 I mean, this was last day.
01:27:44.000 Last day.
01:27:44.000 I think he was 700 ahead.
01:27:45.000 I was like, I'm not doing 700. I went, I did a day time.
01:27:48.000 Hey, give me another cocktail.
01:27:49.000 I did a day time. 1.00
01:27:50.000 This is fucking ridiculous. 0.99
01:27:51.000 I did a day time workout. 1.00
01:27:53.000 How about that one?
01:27:54.000 It's Japanese stuff that's from my friend Todd White.
01:27:57.000 Hibiki. 0.98
01:27:57.000 Dude, I was supposed to have won all these fucking whiskey awards over the Scottish. 0.98
01:28:02.000 They got all mad about it. 0.99
01:28:03.000 What's that?
01:28:03.000 This is a shout-out to my friend Todd White, who I used to do jiu-jitsu with, who is now head instructor of John Jock Machado, Todd White Jiu-Jitsu Academy in Austin, Texas.
01:28:13.000 He's also a brilliant artist, super famous artist, and he sent me this because he's beautiful.
01:28:19.000 It's a great scotch.
01:28:21.000 Try it.
01:28:21.000 I mean, uh, whiskey.
01:28:23.000 Nice.
01:28:24.000 Pass some of them Isils down this way. 0.99
01:28:26.000 Those Isils? 1.00
01:28:28.000 By the way, I go to your mom's house whenever I want to know what kind of weird nonsense is floating around the internet. 1.00
01:28:35.000 Who's eating shit? 1.00
01:28:37.000 You're stabbing people to death with two tips. 1.00
01:28:39.000 Hold on, hold on. 1.00
01:28:40.000 Best one ever right now is Garth fucking Brooks. 0.99
01:28:43.000 Oh my god. 0.99
01:28:44.000 Dude, are you watching that?
01:28:45.000 Oh my god.
01:28:46.000 I am so obsessed.
01:28:47.000 God bless Tom and Christina from Garth Brooks.
01:28:49.000 Hey, we should all cheers to this, what is it called?
01:28:52.000 Habuki.
01:28:53.000 I didn't have any yet.
01:28:54.000 Habuki.
01:28:54.000 Habuki.
01:28:54.000 Habuki.
01:28:55.000 Hold on.
01:28:56.000 Cheers.
01:28:56.000 Pour some to Ari.
01:28:57.000 Pour some to Ari. 0.95
01:28:58.000 I shouldn't even have this.
01:28:59.000 Wait, wait, wait, wait.
01:29:00.000 Yeah, no Ari.
01:29:04.000 Powerful purist.
01:29:05.000 What are you doing?
01:29:06.000 What are you doing?
01:29:07.000 Okay, I'll deal with it.
01:29:08.000 Okay, that's good.
01:29:09.000 Thank you.
01:29:19.000 I'm dealing with it. 0.98
01:29:20.000 I'm telling if he can fucking deal with his own thing. 0.97
01:29:22.000 That should be the name of your next tour. 0.98
01:29:24.000 I'm dealing with it.
01:29:25.000 Cheers.
01:29:29.000 It was awful, guys!
01:29:31.000 Why would we not drink during October?
01:29:33.000 We're doing it again.
01:29:34.000 Not October! 1.00
01:29:35.000 That's stupid! 1.00
01:29:38.000 Is it a New York City thing? 1.00
01:29:39.000 Yes, you guys don't understand what it's like there.
01:29:42.000 It's the best month to drink in New York.
01:29:44.000 I would walk by bars, longingly, going, I want to go in there now.
01:29:48.000 Oh, I don't know what that feels like.
01:29:50.000 The whiskey's good.
01:29:51.000 Did you really turn 53? 1.00
01:29:53.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00
01:29:54.000 Wow, Brad. 1.00
01:29:55.000 You and your fake news.
01:29:56.000 Hey, will you say Bert is 53?
01:29:59.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:30:00.000 Sound bite.
01:30:01.000 Will you?
01:30:01.000 I know I'm lying.
01:30:02.000 Thank you, Joe.
01:30:04.000 Thank you.
01:30:05.000 Bert is 53. But meanwhile, you guys, I'm two years away from 53. I'm 51. I know, but that's crazy.
01:30:11.000 He's two years older than you?
01:30:12.000 That's nuts.
01:30:13.000 That Bert is now 53. They changed his birthday in Wikipedia and everything.
01:30:23.000 Who's going to win the surf challenge next year?
01:30:26.000 Me.
01:30:27.000 Because we're going deep.
01:30:27.000 We're taking a month off.
01:30:28.000 How many have you lost now?
01:30:30.000 Challenges.
01:30:31.000 This is the second, but here's what's important.
01:30:35.000 The third.
01:30:35.000 Nobody lost or won.
01:30:37.000 I couldn't believe I beat you, Bert.
01:30:39.000 I couldn't believe I beat you.
01:30:41.000 Who saw this Wikipedia, Bert?
01:30:44.000 There he put it on your Wikipedia. 1.00
01:30:47.000 Wikipedia, you can suck my dick! 1.00
01:30:49.000 Do you understand what kind of fake news you're dishing out? 1.00
01:30:53.000 You guys have to wish Bert a happy 53rd birthday.
01:30:57.000 It was just the other day.
01:30:58.000 It was yesterday.
01:31:00.000 It was yesterday?
01:31:00.000 Yeah, it was two days ago.
01:31:02.000 You guys are making me feel bad because I'm 24 months away from what you're making fun of.
01:31:07.000 No, but...
01:31:08.000 But Bert's already doing it.
01:31:09.000 Generally, when I say I'm 51, I'm like, is that real?
01:31:12.000 First of all, that's insane.
01:31:13.000 But you realize when you're 53, Bert will be 55. Oh, also, by the way...
01:31:22.000 People are happy about that.
01:31:23.000 They're like, he looks good.
01:31:24.000 Dude, I can't control it.
01:31:27.000 I cannot control fake news.
01:31:29.000 You try to, because you're like, hey man, I'm not the fattest comic ever performing stand-up.
01:31:32.000 I've spread some stuff about you. 1.00
01:31:34.000 Oh, no shit, you fucking asshole. 1.00
01:31:37.000 What'd you spread about him? 1.00
01:31:38.000 Nothing.
01:31:38.000 Everything you said was just reported.
01:31:40.000 That's true.
01:31:41.000 Fat's not necessarily bad if you've got all your other bases covered.
01:31:44.000 I don't understand how you lost so much weight and still managed to have that belly.
01:31:48.000 It doesn't make sense to me.
01:31:49.000 Lead athlete.
01:31:51.000 Let's get that Mickey Mantle gene. 1.00
01:31:53.000 It is crazy.
01:31:54.000 Are you going to stop saying that or are you going to double down?
01:31:56.000 No way.
01:31:57.000 What I loved about it...
01:31:59.000 Burt's tour, by the way, will validate the Mickey Mantle gene.
01:32:02.000 Because Burt's tour is like 10 shows a week, back to back weeks. 0.99
01:32:06.000 I mean, it's some real Mickey Mantle shit, for sure. 0.92
01:32:09.000 You're doing a lot of shows. 0.99
01:32:10.000 I am.
01:32:10.000 But it's like, I don't want to just lose my family.
01:32:12.000 I want to drive them away completely.
01:32:14.000 Dude, I was thinking about it.
01:32:15.000 How much fun would you have had back in the day?
01:32:18.000 I really think stand-up was totally globally different if you were on the road with Joey Diaz, Ari Shafir, Red Band, and a tour bus.
01:32:25.000 It had to be more fun. 0.95
01:32:27.000 Oh, you guys would have had a fucking insane time. 0.96
01:32:29.000 Dude, we had so much fun. 0.98
01:32:31.000 Tour bus, though? 0.94
01:32:31.000 It would have been fucking cool. 0.94
01:32:32.000 We had so much fun. 0.98
01:32:33.000 I've never hit a blunt before.
01:32:35.000 I don't need it to be more fun.
01:32:36.000 Never hit a blunt.
01:32:37.000 You don't know, like, Ari and Joey and Red Band and Duncan, like, the road trips that we went on, the fun that we had, we didn't need more fun.
01:32:48.000 We just needed to appreciate what was happening while it was happening.
01:32:52.000 We had, like, no one...
01:32:54.000 I'm good.
01:32:54.000 Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.
01:32:56.000 Oh, did you get any of that? 0.99
01:32:57.000 Damn, Jamie left out. 0.99
01:32:59.000 Did you get a drink? 1.00
01:33:00.000 Do you want one?
01:33:02.000 I didn't even tell you.
01:33:03.000 I feel weird with you being sober in this room.
01:33:06.000 I did the bus this weekend.
01:33:08.000 Yeah? 0.97
01:33:08.000 I fucking loved it. 0.97
01:33:09.000 You loved the bus? 0.99
01:33:10.000 I did.
01:33:10.000 I liked it a lot.
01:33:11.000 You ever been in an accident, son?
01:33:13.000 I've been in car accidents.
01:33:14.000 Can we change subjects?
01:33:15.000 But not in a bus.
01:33:16.000 Pretty common.
01:33:16.000 Yeah.
01:33:17.000 Much more common than plane crashes.
01:33:18.000 Oh, cool, cool, cool. 0.99
01:33:19.000 I know you're fucking with me right now. 1.00
01:33:21.000 But they're built like tanks. 1.00
01:33:21.000 They're built like tanks. 1.00
01:33:21.000 You know when you're driving around, you're sitting in there. 1.00
01:33:24.000 You're sitting at that little fucking diner seat. 1.00
01:33:26.000 You're not wearing a seatbelt, bitch. 1.00
01:33:27.000 That's true. 1.00
01:33:28.000 I liked it.
01:33:29.000 I liked it a lot. 0.99
01:33:30.000 You're going 80 miles an hour down the highway, no seatbelt, the fucking 80,000 pound tuba metal. 1.00
01:33:33.000 But you will just run through shit. 1.00
01:33:36.000 Body Shots World Tour, everyone. 0.99
01:33:37.000 Tour bus from January till April.
01:33:40.000 What would you feel like if you listened to my voice?
01:33:43.000 And you heard it in your head, the moment your face was hitting the LCD screen. 1.00
01:33:47.000 God damn it. 1.00
01:33:48.000 That would suck. 1.00
01:33:49.000 The moment you were flying towards his screen. 0.65
01:33:51.000 I remember this moment.
01:33:52.000 At an impossible speed. 1.00
01:33:54.000 Like, fuck this. 1.00
01:33:54.000 And I was going, dude, just fucking take the day off and fly. 1.00
01:33:59.000 Oh, no, no, no. 0.99
01:33:59.000 Take the day off. 0.99
01:34:00.000 I like the idea of a tour bus.
01:34:00.000 I just booked four more weeks.
01:34:02.000 You're not going to crash.
01:34:02.000 Wait, look at me.
01:34:03.000 I'm the one doing it.
01:34:04.000 You might not crash.
01:34:05.000 Most of the time you're not going to crash.
01:34:06.000 That sounds pretty awesome.
01:34:07.000 Joe, come out on the road with me. 0.99
01:34:08.000 You know who's got the fucking... 0.99
01:34:10.000 You know who's got the best bus? 0.99
01:34:11.000 Here's where we're fucking up. 1.00
01:34:12.000 We need to do a goddamn stadium tour, boys! 1.00
01:34:15.000 All of us! 1.00
01:34:16.000 I'll do a tour.
01:34:17.000 I'll drop my entire 2019 tour.
01:34:20.000 Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
01:34:21.000 Why don't we do...
01:34:24.000 Let's not have to get too grand.
01:34:25.000 Just start. 1.00
01:34:26.000 Shut up, bitch. 1.00
01:34:27.000 Wait. 1.00
01:34:27.000 One giant show. 1.00
01:34:29.000 We're going big. 1.00
01:34:29.000 I don't want to hear this pull-back pussy shit. 1.00
01:34:31.000 No, no. 1.00
01:34:31.000 Listen to what I'm saying. 1.00
01:34:32.000 One giant show.
01:34:34.000 Everywhere.
01:34:34.000 Across the country.
01:34:36.000 At like Madison Square Garden.
01:34:37.000 45 different cities.
01:34:39.000 Something massive.
01:34:40.000 One giant show.
01:34:41.000 Yeah.
01:34:41.000 Listen, we could do that tomorrow.
01:34:43.000 Here's the deal.
01:34:44.000 If each one of us did a half an hour, we got a two-hour show.
01:34:47.000 I can do a half an hour right now.
01:34:49.000 Yeah.
01:34:49.000 Me too.
01:34:51.000 I'd love to do a half an hour.
01:34:53.000 That's all I got.
01:34:54.000 I got 35 minutes.
01:34:55.000 Maybe 34. 35 if I shut the jive.
01:34:57.000 No, I'm not smoking any more weed.
01:34:59.000 You gotta have it. 1.00
01:35:01.000 You are the worst fucking friend I ever met. 1.00
01:35:04.000 No, no, no. 1.00
01:35:04.000 The best friend. 1.00
01:35:04.000 I love you. 1.00
01:35:05.000 You do not love me.
01:35:07.000 I love you!
01:35:07.000 He does love you.
01:35:08.000 Who do you think loves who more?
01:35:10.000 Me or you?
01:35:10.000 I love you more.
01:35:11.000 Wow, that's some needy shit right there, son. 1.00
01:35:13.000 I love you more. 1.00
01:35:13.000 Why don't you guys just butt fuck and get this over with? 1.00
01:35:15.000 You gotta be kidding me. 1.00
01:35:16.000 You really think you love me more?
01:35:17.000 Who do you think loves who more?
01:35:21.000 I don't.
01:35:22.000 I've never thought about that with you, Ari.
01:35:24.000 No, I have not thought about that either.
01:35:26.000 You love Ari more than Ari loves you?
01:35:28.000 No, I just want Ari to know that I never thought, does Ari love me more than I love him?
01:35:33.000 But now that you think about it, do I love him more than he loves me?
01:35:36.000 I never thought about that.
01:35:38.000 Now what do you think?
01:35:38.000 I love Ari.
01:35:39.000 I think you guys are both faggots. 1.00
01:35:40.000 Both of you. 1.00
01:35:42.000 And we're not going to be tied into this.
01:35:44.000 That's rude.
01:35:45.000 I feel like I don't have a meter.
01:35:48.000 I don't have a love meter, Bert.
01:35:51.000 I love you, Joe.
01:35:51.000 Who's higher on the love meter?
01:35:54.000 I love you, Joe.
01:35:55.000 I would stop almost dying.
01:35:57.000 I was so tired.
01:35:59.000 Like, running to the top of the hill.
01:36:00.000 I'm in a dump of whatever Joe does.
01:36:04.000 You fueled this.
01:36:05.000 You realized that?
01:36:06.000 You fueled it.
01:36:08.000 Dude, I'm Conor McGregor.
01:36:10.000 I don't think you understand.
01:36:11.000 Okay, so Tom, when we got this thing, I was like, I don't want to do this.
01:36:14.000 And Tom was like, I'll register you.
01:36:15.000 I'm like, I don't know how to register.
01:36:16.000 I'm like, I'll register.
01:36:17.000 Here's a number.
01:36:18.000 Yeah, I gave it to you.
01:36:18.000 Register.
01:36:19.000 Yeah.
01:36:20.000 And then you did the same thing with Bert, I think.
01:36:22.000 Yeah.
01:36:23.000 Anyway, I got an email about the 10th or 12th of October from some lady at Snap Fitness in Shawnee, Kansas, saying, hey, just so you know, you're accidentally registered in my gym, and we are doing an October challenge.
01:36:36.000 Yeah.
01:36:38.000 So I think I should take you off.
01:36:40.000 Currently, you're in third place.
01:36:42.000 And then what did you say?
01:36:43.000 I was like, really?
01:36:44.000 Excuse me.
01:36:45.000 First place.
01:36:46.000 No, but third at the time, right?
01:36:47.000 And I was like, for real?
01:36:48.000 I was like, I can take you out, but I'm in a podcast challenge with my friends Rogan, Tom Segura, and Bert Kreischer.
01:36:55.000 And he goes, oh, Bert Kreischer, he's in sixth place.
01:36:58.000 In our legit gym of people trying to work out.
01:37:01.000 For a second, you were like, oh, Bert Kreischer. 1.00
01:37:03.000 You motherfuckers. 1.00
01:37:04.000 He was so excited. 1.00
01:37:06.000 He was so excited that you were going to say that she was like, Oh, Bert Kreischer, the comedian.
01:37:11.000 I love him.
01:37:13.000 She just knows you.
01:37:15.000 At least I'm being honest.
01:37:16.000 I'm being honest.
01:37:18.000 She just knows you as B. Kreisch.
01:37:20.000 B. Kreisch from the leaderboard.
01:37:22.000 You were so happy.
01:37:24.000 You were so happy.
01:37:27.000 She's like, that's my all-time favorite comedian.
01:37:31.000 Listen.
01:37:32.000 Listen.
01:37:34.000 Be honest though!
01:37:36.000 You got caught feelings!
01:37:37.000 He got excited!
01:37:38.000 I caught feelings so hard!
01:37:40.000 But be honest!
01:37:42.000 He got excited!
01:37:42.000 He got so excited!
01:37:44.000 Oh, Bert Kreischer from that Netflix special?
01:37:46.000 No!
01:37:47.000 No, that was not what she even brought up!
01:37:50.000 The back of my head hurts!
01:37:51.000 That was not the conversation at all!
01:37:52.000 Oh my god!
01:37:56.000 No, just Bert Kreischer!
01:37:58.000 I know him from the words B. Kreischer!
01:38:02.000 On the leaderboard.
01:38:03.000 This is so great!
01:38:04.000 So sad.
01:38:05.000 You know what?
01:38:06.000 But I have to be honest, as humble as I try to be, if she said, oh, Joe Rogan?
01:38:11.000 Like the comedian Joe Rogan?
01:38:12.000 I'd be like, oh, she likes me.
01:38:14.000 Dude, by the way, I recognize that because that's exactly how I feel.
01:38:17.000 You would be like that if someone said Thompson were like, oh my god, disgraceful!
01:38:21.000 Oh my god! 1.00
01:38:21.000 She's like, I see this fucking name on my board. 1.00
01:38:24.000 I'd be like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99
01:38:26.000 Anyway, so I was like, yeah, you can take me off.
01:38:28.000 Just don't make sure my points don't start over.
01:38:30.000 And she goes, you know what?
01:38:31.000 Actually, that's cool.
01:38:32.000 I'm going to keep you guys on there.
01:38:34.000 Do you understand that we got better as a score in terms of how well we did in comparison to most people?
01:38:41.000 It was 0.1%, which is much higher.
01:38:45.000 It doesn't make sense!
01:38:46.000 Much higher than Elizabeth Warren is claiming to be Native American.
01:38:54.000 Do you understand?
01:38:55.000 Do you understand these numbers?
01:38:56.000 We're closer to Calahans than she is in Pocahontas.
01:39:00.000 That's exactly what I'm saying.
01:39:02.000 That's exactly what I'm saying.
01:39:04.000 Do you know how crazy we did?
01:39:05.000 What we did was bizarre.
01:39:07.000 I shout out to Impact Fitness out here.
01:39:09.000 That's who you registered with?
01:39:10.000 That's who I registered with.
01:39:11.000 Did you ever go to the gym?
01:39:12.000 Yeah, I work out there all the time.
01:39:13.000 That's how I got it.
01:39:14.000 That's actually how it is.
01:39:15.000 You're good.
01:39:16.000 Keep going.
01:39:17.000 So Micah, Brian, and Sean, I worked out with them all month.
01:39:20.000 Wow.
01:39:21.000 Do you get personal trainers?
01:39:23.000 Yeah, those are the guys.
01:39:24.000 Oh, I met a dude yesterday.
01:39:26.000 Acro-yogist.
01:39:28.000 He was like, let me fly you.
01:39:29.000 What'd he say?
01:39:30.000 Acro-yogist. 1.00
01:39:31.000 He puts you on his legs like a baby, holds you up, stretches you and shit. 0.99
01:39:35.000 He was like, hey, do you know Bert Kreischer? 0.99
01:39:37.000 I would love to do that with him.
01:39:38.000 And I was like, do you normally do with like two people on one guy?
01:39:41.000 And he was like, what do you mean?
01:39:43.000 And I was like, he's very fat.
01:39:44.000 I don't think you'd get him up.
01:39:46.000 He goes, I for sure could not get him up.
01:39:48.000 That's something I had to think about. 0.99
01:39:49.000 I'm gonna fucking die. 1.00
01:39:50.000 That guy was anticipating a human centipede on a trampoline. 1.00
01:39:55.000 Oh my god.
01:39:56.000 Oh, trapeze.
01:39:58.000 What's that one that swings?
01:39:59.000 Yeah.
01:40:00.000 Trapeze, right?
01:40:00.000 Human centipede with the three of you.
01:40:02.000 I love that.
01:40:04.000 I don't understand how we all went so hard.
01:40:06.000 Who do you think loves who more?
01:40:07.000 Come on.
01:40:09.000 Do you think?
01:40:09.000 Do you think?
01:40:10.000 I swear to God.
01:40:11.000 I'm going to answer your answer now.
01:40:12.000 Answer your answer.
01:40:12.000 We're not doing this.
01:40:14.000 I'll answer.
01:40:15.000 Tom will answer.
01:40:16.000 Ariel will answer.
01:40:17.000 You're not allowed to answer.
01:40:18.000 Do you think you love Ari?
01:40:19.000 No, I'm not joining on this.
01:40:21.000 We're all like each other a lot. 0.57
01:40:24.000 You guys are crazy to be thinking about this level.
01:40:28.000 I like my friends.
01:40:31.000 My friends like me. 0.66
01:40:32.000 You guys are crazy to be focusing on the wrong things. 0.98
01:40:34.000 Joe, go. 0.96
01:40:35.000 Yes, I've spent more time with Ari than any of you.
01:40:40.000 So if one of you tried to attack Ari, I have a problem with that.
01:40:46.000 Ari and I have been friends for too long.
01:40:48.000 I'd be like, that doesn't make sense.
01:40:49.000 It doesn't compute.
01:40:51.000 This is my friend.
01:40:52.000 We've got to work this out.
01:40:53.000 I don't know you as well as I know him for a million hours.
01:40:56.000 I know you for 400,000.
01:40:59.000 We have to figure this out.
01:41:00.000 I still know you really well. 0.99
01:41:01.000 What the fuck went wrong? 0.98
01:41:04.000 That's just how we all have to be. 1.00
01:41:07.000 I don't love anybody anymore, but if one of you fucks with me... 0.99
01:41:13.000 If we're on an island, you've got to eat someone first! 1.00
01:41:17.000 Oh, you know the answer, bro. 1.00
01:41:18.000 You guys are crazy the way you think. 1.00
01:41:20.000 Let me tell you something. 1.00
01:41:21.000 I'm starving to death before I eat any of you.
01:41:23.000 For real?
01:41:24.000 Yes, 100%.
01:41:25.000 I don't want to live, but there's no one else. 0.93
01:41:28.000 I'm eating dead bodies.
01:41:30.000 Are you being serious? 0.99
01:41:31.000 You're a dead body?! 1.00
01:41:32.000 Not kill me to eat me.
01:41:33.000 I don't want to stay alive, man. 0.99
01:41:35.000 Dead body! 0.93
01:41:36.000 Dead body within an hour.
01:41:37.000 It's just a vessel! 0.79
01:41:38.000 I would 100% pull you aside and be like, who do you want to kill, bro? 0.87
01:41:42.000 That's what I would say. 0.97
01:41:43.000 I would be like, who gets the eyeballs?
01:41:45.000 We know that's a delicacy.
01:41:46.000 Who gets the eyeballs? 1.00
01:41:47.000 It's always starting with Rogan's ass. 1.00
01:41:53.000 The problem is, you don't want to die knowing you ate your friend, and it didn't matter. 1.00
01:41:59.000 Disagree!
01:42:01.000 Disagree!
01:42:02.000 You don't want to die knowing you ate your friend to live!
01:42:04.000 Here's the reality. 1.00
01:42:05.000 If you hadn't said this, and this scenario is real, the three of us would be so paranoid about you killing us that we would definitely kill you. 0.99
01:42:15.000 We would be like, everything is cool, and then we would take rocks and just absolutely fumble you. 0.99
01:42:21.000 No, no, no, no, no.
01:42:21.000 Think it through.
01:42:21.000 How do we kill Rowling?
01:42:22.000 Hey, Tom, can I talk to you about over here for the second?
01:42:25.000 Oh, water?
01:42:25.000 You're going to go get the water for today?
01:42:26.000 You know Joe's going to kill us, right?
01:42:27.000 Hey, definitely. 1.00
01:42:28.000 So tonight, when he sleeps, we've got to definitely kill him. 1.00
01:42:31.000 I think we've got to. 1.00
01:42:33.000 You've got to.
01:42:35.000 I'll get the big rock, and you get the other rock.
01:42:37.000 Seriously, we have competed against him. 0.97
01:42:39.000 How do you think we would go about killing him?
01:42:41.000 We would have to make him think that we're definitely not thinking about that. 0.54
01:42:44.000 Of course I don't think you're thinking about it.
01:42:47.000 But we would try to be slick about it.
01:42:49.000 No, no, no.
01:42:50.000 We'd sit by fire, and then I would go, hey, Joe, when you eat marijuana, does that break down differently in your liver than other things?
01:42:59.000 I'm just going to walk around behind you real quick.
01:43:02.000 Bam! 0.98
01:43:03.000 No, you gotta think that he would be thinking the same thing too. 1.00
01:43:06.000 So he's like, oh fuck, I would never turn against these guys. 0.99
01:43:08.000 But for sure when I'm thinking about it, they think if I could turn against them, I would. 1.00
01:43:12.000 I'm gonna have to kill them. 1.00
01:43:13.000 That's right. 1.00
01:43:14.000 They're gonna do it immediately.
01:43:15.000 I gotta do it tonight.
01:43:16.000 You just gotta accept the fact that you're gonna starve to death.
01:43:18.000 That's what you gotta do.
01:43:19.000 You gotta accept it because if there's only four of us left and we're in the woods and we're stuck on the top of a mountain and no one's gotten to us yet, what are the odds they're gonna get to us?
01:43:29.000 How much time do we have left?
01:43:31.000 30 hours if everything goes great?
01:43:33.000 The truth is, Ari would wither away first.
01:43:35.000 No, here's the real truth.
01:43:36.000 I've just been thinking about it.
01:43:37.000 I would say immediately, guys, I see what's on both your minds.
01:43:40.000 You're all thinking of killing each other.
01:43:42.000 I get it from both your points of view.
01:43:43.000 If we do this, we're never gonna survive.
01:43:44.000 I propose a truce.
01:43:46.000 Joe, go hunt food.
01:43:48.000 Bert, start the fire.
01:43:49.000 You're the cook, obviously.
01:43:51.000 Tom...
01:43:52.000 I don't know, man.
01:43:53.000 College football is your strength, I guess.
01:43:55.000 You know a lot about that.
01:43:56.000 Listen, if it's just us, think about it. 0.96
01:44:03.000 If it was just us, if it was just us living in the woods, if the world went to shit and we're like on an episode of Life Below Zero, we live in some sort of fucking house that we have to put together ourself, we'll make it. 0.96
01:44:16.000 Just like we got through this weird month, okay? 0.98
01:44:18.000 That's true. 0.92
01:44:19.000 What's fucking strange about being a person is that you don't know what your boundaries are. 0.94
01:44:24.000 You just know what you do most of the time. 0.97
01:44:27.000 So all of a sudden, when something comes up that requires way more of what you're used to putting out.
01:44:33.000 Way more!
01:44:34.000 Way more!
01:44:35.000 Dude! 0.99
01:44:36.000 But isn't that fucking with your perspective at all? 0.99
01:44:38.000 That you know what you're capable of? 0.98
01:44:41.000 I already beat myself up about that.
01:44:48.000 Yeah.
01:44:48.000 I already beat myself up about that.
01:44:50.000 We are middle-aged comedians.
01:44:53.000 Yeah, of course.
01:44:54.000 So you go, like, I'm not doing enough already.
01:44:55.000 I think you already go, I'm not doing enough already.
01:44:58.000 Okay.
01:44:58.000 So then when you have that thought and you do a month like that, then you go, I'm really not doing enough.
01:45:03.000 Really not doing that.
01:45:04.000 Yeah, for real.
01:45:06.000 What I try to do is eat healthy. 0.99
01:45:08.000 I fuck hard every time. 1.00
01:45:10.000 I bet you do. 1.00
01:45:12.000 And then, you know, I walk.
01:45:14.000 I take bikes also.
01:45:15.000 A combination of all those. 0.99
01:45:17.000 Do you ever fuck while you're chewing gum? 0.99
01:45:19.000 Why'd that jump? 1.00
01:45:21.000 Wait, is that a bitch? 1.00
01:45:25.000 That's fucking aggressive. 1.00
01:45:27.000 That's our picture, Ari. 0.99
01:45:28.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:29.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:29.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:30.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:30.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:30.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:30.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:31.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:31.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:32.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:32.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:33.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:33.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:33.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:33.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:33.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:33.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:34.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:34.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:35.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:36.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:36.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:37.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:38.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:38.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:39.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:42.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:48.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:49.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:50.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:51.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:51.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:51.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:51.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:51.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:52.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:52.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:52.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:52.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:52.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:52.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:52.000 Waddle gum.
01:45:52.000 Wad Five gallons?
01:45:53.000 You're a good dad, bro. 1.00
01:45:54.000 And I was like, dude, welcome to fucking drugs. 0.99
01:45:57.000 That's what I picture Ari, Big League Chew laying pipe. 1.00
01:46:01.000 Just chew, chew, bang, bang. 1.00
01:46:03.000 I kept meaning to wear the fucking, the strap while it was fucking. 1.00
01:46:07.000 I did it, Jack. 1.00
01:46:08.000 You wrote that? 1.00
01:46:11.000 You said something about my cock fast and hard. 0.99
01:46:14.000 That was the name of one of your posts. 0.99
01:46:16.000 Oh, maybe.
01:46:16.000 Hold on, they don't know what you're talking about.
01:46:19.000 Right at the end of the last day, I put it on right at the end, though.
01:46:21.000 But I was like, you know how your heartbeat goes down fast?
01:46:23.000 Yeah.
01:46:24.000 Yeah, by the time it went down to like 170. 12 points.
01:46:27.000 So I was for sure over 180 while I was happy.
01:46:28.000 I jacked off in Phoenix. 0.98
01:46:30.000 You got 12 points for jerking off? 1.00
01:46:32.000 12 points for jerking off. 1.00
01:46:33.000 I got done in the workout. 0.99
01:46:34.000 Went up to the room.
01:46:35.000 Heart rate's still on.
01:46:36.000 Still in the blue.
01:46:37.000 You know what you should have done just for science?
01:46:38.000 How high did it get?
01:46:39.000 I sat down.
01:46:40.000 It got up to the green.
01:46:42.000 Never got into the yellow, but I had to...
01:46:44.000 When I was doing it, it wasn't moving out of the gray.
01:46:47.000 Here's my thoughts.
01:46:48.000 What were you watching?
01:46:49.000 I had to watch it.
01:46:51.000 Interesting.
01:46:51.000 I had turned off the Bluetooth because it was based on my headsets that I just worked off, and it cut off the monitor.
01:46:57.000 And so I thought it was a dead...
01:46:58.000 Yeah, it cut off the monitor.
01:46:59.000 If your Bluetooth wasn't on, it didn't register points.
01:47:02.000 Right, right, right, right, right.
01:47:03.000 So you can't have headsets?
01:47:04.000 But you can have headsets.
01:47:05.000 Yeah.
01:47:06.000 No, no, no, no.
01:47:07.000 I cut off the headset so I could hear the porn on my phone.
01:47:10.000 So I cut off the Bluetooth so I could watch the porn.
01:47:13.000 And by the way, I had to sit down like a catcher. 0.98
01:47:16.000 I had to squat to jack off to try to burn.
01:47:19.000 To get some movement.
01:47:20.000 I was like, yeah, so I'm squatting, I'm pumping up a little bit, pumping.
01:47:24.000 And yeah, 12 points.
01:47:28.000 12 points, but I was afraid I didn't register them at all.
01:47:30.000 That's a fun point.
01:47:32.000 Those are fun points.
01:47:33.000 Hey, that's three minutes, bro.
01:47:34.000 Oh, no, that's four minutes, because you're in the green.
01:47:37.000 Yeah, don't think I wasn't.
01:47:38.000 I added wrong.
01:47:39.000 You know, in a lot of those Kung Fu classes, they make you do a horse dance, and they make you hold it.
01:47:44.000 That would get you for a while.
01:47:45.000 Get into a horse dance, stand like this, and you just hold it.
01:47:49.000 Really?
01:47:49.000 They make you stand for like 40 minutes, 45 minutes.
01:47:52.000 40 minutes?
01:47:52.000 No.
01:47:53.000 No, no bullshit. 0.95
01:47:54.000 Yeah, there's a lot of really wacky ideas in regards to kung-fu type training. 0.94
01:47:59.000 Some people just make up their own protocols, like stand in a horse stance, stand there for one hour. 1.00
01:48:06.000 That's Nazi shit. 1.00
01:48:07.000 Put your hand over the flame for as long as you can. 1.00
01:48:10.000 It's also the same thing that happened to us this month.
01:48:14.000 Like, how much can you do?
01:48:15.000 It's crazy.
01:48:16.000 It was crazy.
01:48:17.000 How much can you really do?
01:48:17.000 It didn't make any sense.
01:48:19.000 Ari.
01:48:20.000 Ari, you're doing it. 1.00
01:48:21.000 You fucking psycho. 1.00
01:48:22.000 You fucked it up. 1.00
01:48:23.000 Why? 0.99
01:48:23.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 0.99
01:48:25.000 Just go to the bathroom. 1.00
01:48:26.000 We'll all go to the bathroom together.
01:48:27.000 Go to the bathroom. 0.98
01:48:28.000 I'm doing that.
01:48:29.000 He's going to pee in the bottle.
01:48:30.000 No, no, no, go to the bathroom. 0.99
01:48:32.000 I'm going to go to the bathroom while he's going to the bathroom.
01:48:33.000 But he pees in the bottle like every episode.
01:48:35.000 What are you doing?
01:48:36.000 Why are you doing this?
01:48:37.000 Because I don't want to go again.
01:48:38.000 Come on, let's go. 0.98
01:48:39.000 It's already over.
01:48:40.000 Let's go to the bathroom. 1.00
01:48:41.000 Come on.
01:48:42.000 It's over.
01:48:42.000 Let's go.
01:48:43.000 Stop it.
01:48:43.000 Tom, it's over.
01:48:44.000 Tom, it's over.
01:48:46.000 Don't even think about it.
01:48:47.000 Don't even think about it.
01:48:47.000 I've seen it for years.
01:48:49.000 Tom.
01:48:50.000 Why do they even think about it?
01:48:51.000 You're letting it get to you.
01:48:54.000 Joe.
01:48:55.000 Ari.
01:48:56.000 That was a great month.
01:48:58.000 I couldn't believe I did any of that.
01:49:00.000 It was a lot of fun.
01:49:01.000 I couldn't believe you did, but I... I wasn't completely surprised.
01:49:09.000 Really?
01:49:09.000 Yeah.
01:49:10.000 I was happy.
01:49:11.000 I was happy.
01:49:12.000 I was happy that you showed me...
01:49:16.000 I always...
01:49:17.000 Like, we've been friends for a long time, and I've always said, like, Hari's just got this, like, very strong mind.
01:49:24.000 Like, you're not... 0.98
01:49:26.000 You know, you're not a guy who gives up on shit, and you're a guy who thinks through things. 0.98
01:49:31.000 We've had many comments about that. 0.99
01:49:33.000 Through those last few days, I was like, I think if I can get, like, right after they go to sleep, a bunch of points, and then right before they wake up, another bunch of points, which was, like, beginning of my night, end of my night, I could break them mentally.
01:49:46.000 I could get, like, 700 above them.
01:49:49.000 Yeah, and then you wrote me right then, like, hey, man, you're pretty smart.
01:49:52.000 I'm like, yeah, I think I just got them.
01:49:53.000 Like, the 29th of October.
01:49:55.000 Yeah, you got deep.
01:49:57.000 You got pretty deep.
01:49:58.000 And you went...
01:50:00.000 I mean, there was one day that you ran 15 miles.
01:50:04.000 And I posted that on my Instagram.
01:50:06.000 I was like, do you understand that Ari didn't work out for 10 years?
01:50:09.000 He ran 15 miles.
01:50:11.000 And then he rode 5 kilometers.
01:50:14.000 Yeah.
01:50:15.000 Yeah.
01:50:17.000 5,000 meters, 5 kilometers of rowing, and then biked for like...
01:50:20.000 Yes. 0.93
01:50:21.000 15 miles is ridiculous. 1.00
01:50:22.000 I put that shit on my Instagram. 1.00
01:50:23.000 I was dead after that. 1.00
01:50:24.000 I was dead.
01:50:25.000 Only out of spite.
01:50:26.000 That's the only thing that can drive me.
01:50:28.000 It's just pure spite.
01:50:29.000 And what was the spite?
01:50:30.000 What was the motivation?
01:50:30.000 I hated all of you for dragging me into it.
01:50:33.000 I already decided...
01:50:33.000 I didn't drag you into this!
01:50:34.000 Joe, you definitely dragged him into this.
01:50:37.000 I didn't drag anybody into this.
01:50:37.000 You all dragged me into this.
01:50:38.000 I had no intention of doing it.
01:50:41.000 My life is fine.
01:50:42.000 My life is fine too, man.
01:50:43.000 My life's good.
01:50:45.000 Everybody's life is fine. 0.95
01:50:45.000 First of all, every one of these challenges has just been a shit Joe Rogan's already doing. 0.95
01:50:51.000 Hey, why don't I make the contest? 0.85
01:50:52.000 Bring this one up.
01:50:53.000 What Joe Rogan's already doing?
01:50:55.000 That's why surfing is going to be fun.
01:50:56.000 Let's all do that!
01:50:57.000 That's why surfing is going to be amazing for us. 1.00
01:51:00.000 Surfing is going to be the shit, dude. 0.98
01:51:01.000 We're going to all end up on Pipeline in the lineup. 1.00
01:51:04.000 This is it.
01:51:04.000 This is us.
01:51:05.000 Time.
01:51:06.000 Oh wait, there's already an app.
01:51:07.000 There's a tracker and everything for you.
01:51:09.000 Oh, we're good.
01:51:10.000 We're good. 1.00
01:51:10.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00
01:51:11.000 We're good. 1.00
01:51:12.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00
01:51:13.000 Time surfing. 1.00
01:51:15.000 Guys, I live in New York.
01:51:16.000 Did he get locked out?
01:51:18.000 Ari, Ari, Ari. 0.82
01:51:18.000 How's it locked? 0.82
01:51:19.000 Is it locked?
01:51:20.000 I think I might have locked.
01:51:22.000 Oh, that's why he's out there?
01:51:23.000 No, but I didn't know that that thing locked it.
01:51:24.000 Oh, I saw him waiting there.
01:51:26.000 I thought he was just not coming in.
01:51:27.000 Bert locks every door right before he goes through it.
01:51:29.000 Lock it for Boogeyman! 1.00
01:51:30.000 I thought he just wasn't coming in, dude.
01:51:31.000 When you were smiling, I thought he just wasn't coming in.
01:51:34.000 I had no idea you were locked out.
01:51:35.000 I thought you were intentionally not coming in.
01:51:36.000 I didn't know why.
01:51:37.000 I was like, I don't get it, Tom.
01:51:38.000 I was like, how is that not a bit?
01:51:40.000 That wasn't a bit?
01:51:42.000 I thought that was definitely a bit.
01:51:44.000 Oh, I locked it walking out, but I didn't shut it.
01:51:46.000 I was saying, Bert's like, every door he goes through, lock it quick, what if the boogeyman comes through?
01:51:50.000 That's not what I sound like.
01:51:52.000 What does that feel like to have, actually, that actually means you're very distinct.
01:51:57.000 Everybody can do an impression, basically.
01:51:59.000 I don't know if that's distinct.
01:52:01.000 Yes, of course.
01:52:03.000 The first person I ever heard do it was Red Band.
01:52:05.000 It really caught me off guard when he was like, me, me, me, me, me, me.
01:52:09.000 Yeah, I don't know.
01:52:11.000 Really?
01:52:11.000 I can do an impression of you.
01:52:13.000 You can definitely do an impression of Ari.
01:52:15.000 Do it.
01:52:17.000 What does your shirt say?
01:52:19.000 Lost Colt.
01:52:20.000 I love Colt.
01:52:21.000 Colt Cabana.
01:52:21.000 Wrestler.
01:52:22.000 Oh, okay.
01:52:24.000 Really?
01:52:24.000 I thought it was some Jewish thing.
01:52:26.000 I saw Star of David.
01:52:28.000 Oh, yeah.
01:52:28.000 He's Jewish.
01:52:29.000 Colt's Jewish.
01:52:29.000 Oh, okay.
01:52:30.000 One of the first podcasters.
01:52:32.000 Colt Cabana.
01:52:33.000 Really?
01:52:33.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:52:34.000 Who was the first ever?
01:52:35.000 Ricky Gervais.
01:52:36.000 I thought it was Carolla.
01:52:36.000 Ricky Gervais.
01:52:37.000 Is the first at what?
01:52:38.000 Ricky Gervais.
01:52:39.000 Carolla got into the mainstream.
01:52:41.000 But what about the guy from Adam Curry?
01:52:44.000 The God Podfather.
01:52:46.000 Was he the first?
01:52:47.000 Keith and the girl was doing it for a while before everybody started. 0.97
01:52:51.000 Damn, we should probably establish who was first, right? 0.97
01:52:54.000 George Washington was the first president. 0.99
01:52:57.000 We're all professional comedians. 0.99
01:52:59.000 Most professional politicians would be able to tell you who the first fucking president was. 0.99
01:53:03.000 No idea. 0.99
01:53:04.000 We're like...
01:53:05.000 Who's the first podcaster?
01:53:07.000 We really don't know, right?
01:53:08.000 Dude, I heard...
01:53:09.000 There was internet radio.
01:53:10.000 There was internet radio and then it just became podcasting.
01:53:12.000 Who was first between you and Maren?
01:53:14.000 Maren.
01:53:14.000 Him, for sure.
01:53:15.000 Maren.
01:53:15.000 For sure.
01:53:16.000 I don't know.
01:53:16.000 I don't know.
01:53:17.000 I'm asking.
01:53:17.000 Now you know.
01:53:18.000 Well, now you know.
01:53:18.000 Why don't you stop arguing?
01:53:19.000 Here's what I think.
01:53:20.000 I think...
01:53:21.000 So crazy.
01:53:22.000 I kind of think that...
01:53:23.000 I think that Adam Curry was number one.
01:53:25.000 Who's Adam Curry?
01:53:26.000 Adam Curry is an ex-VJ from MTV, and he is known as the Podfather, the guy that started podcasting.
01:53:32.000 Ricky Gervais has the first recognizable model.
01:53:35.000 I don't know his relationship history, but I think he's a George Washington.
01:53:41.000 Who is?
01:53:42.000 Adam Curry.
01:53:43.000 I think he is.
01:53:44.000 How early was Gervais?
01:53:46.000 Gervais is number one, man.
01:53:48.000 Really?
01:53:48.000 The first big one where you were...
01:53:50.000 No, no, no.
01:53:51.000 But no, first one.
01:53:54.000 Yes.
01:53:54.000 Is he the first one?
01:53:56.000 Or is that Adam Curry?
01:53:56.000 No, Adam Curry definitely is the first one.
01:53:58.000 Ricky Gervais, according to Wikipedia, Ricky Gervais is always right.
01:54:02.000 Which is always right.
01:54:03.000 Which, by the way, lists your age at 53. We just put you at 73, bitch. 1.00
01:54:07.000 It's the always right thing that says 53. Fuck you, fake news. 1.00
01:54:11.000 We can't keep up with these trolls! 1.00
01:54:13.000 2006, but in June 2005, Apple added podcasting to the iTunes.
01:54:18.000 So that means he's already going.
01:54:20.000 No, no, no.
01:54:20.000 Ricky Gervais had a BBC show.
01:54:23.000 So Ricky Gervais was number one?
01:54:24.000 No, no, no.
01:54:24.000 His show was launched a year after.
01:54:28.000 Adam Curry's.
01:54:30.000 After podcasting was added to iTunes.
01:54:31.000 Whose was?
01:54:32.000 Because that means when it was added to iTunes, it was already going as a thing.
01:54:35.000 You're talking about Adam right now.
01:54:37.000 Good point.
01:54:38.000 No, but Ari's point's valid.
01:54:39.000 It was already there, but it just wasn't on iTunes.
01:54:41.000 No, it was not.
01:54:42.000 It was not there.
01:54:42.000 But wait, are you talking about different people?
01:54:44.000 No, no, no, it was not there.
01:54:44.000 You're talking about different people right now.
01:54:45.000 It started in 2004. Whose was?
01:54:47.000 Two years before.
01:54:48.000 The company Libsyn, which...
01:54:49.000 But wait.
01:54:50.000 Yeah, but they had no way to release it.
01:54:51.000 You're saying Apple was started, and then a year later...
01:54:54.000 No, not Apple.
01:54:55.000 Apple started podcasts.
01:54:56.000 Can I ask you this?
01:54:57.000 Let's just Google this for a goof.
01:54:59.000 Who was the very first podcaster?
01:55:01.000 That's what I started.
01:55:02.000 That's what I started.
01:55:03.000 And that's where you failed at locating.
01:55:04.000 Wait, let me just chime in a little bit.
01:55:06.000 How dare you.
01:55:07.000 Let me chime in a little bit.
01:55:08.000 The only thing you didn't come up with, Jamie.
01:55:09.000 It's just information.
01:55:10.000 We don't have to be competitive.
01:55:11.000 You guys started asking more questions as I was looking through this.
01:55:13.000 This is an excellent excuse making you're making. 0.98
01:55:16.000 Before you get back to the doing, which you used to do, which is what we loved you for, you already got shit done. 0.96
01:55:21.000 We brought the old Jamie back. 0.91
01:55:22.000 It was new, Jamie.
01:55:23.000 He was sort of a celebrity.
01:55:25.000 You were on the correct thread to start off and say it was internet radio, because I was going to say I was recording internet radio talk shows in 2005. You were?
01:55:32.000 A lot of you were.
01:55:33.000 No, no, no.
01:55:34.000 Let me jump in right now.
01:55:35.000 So there's a difference between, because MySpace was offering an app on a phone where you could do a podcast.
01:55:39.000 That's where the Monday morning podcast came up.
01:55:45.000 Can I stop all of you for a moment?
01:55:48.000 Jamie, if you had a guess, who do you think was number one?
01:55:53.000 But I mean, what did you think of it?
01:55:56.000 Adam Curry gets the credit for it.
01:55:59.000 I believe Adam Curry.
01:56:00.000 That's what the international podcast day says.
01:56:04.000 I think he invented the name podcast.
01:56:07.000 Oh, good point.
01:56:07.000 It's not credited to him in that Wikipedia article.
01:56:09.000 He invented the name?
01:56:10.000 Wait, can I ask Jamie something?
01:56:12.000 It was him or that other guy that he does the podcast with?
01:56:16.000 There's another guy who's like a science tech guy.
01:56:19.000 Some guy named Bob Doyle or...
01:56:22.000 Bob Dole.
01:56:24.000 Bob Dole.
01:56:25.000 But it should be noted that Bill Burr and Bobby Kelly definitely had podcasts way before this.
01:56:30.000 Oh, really?
01:56:30.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:56:31.000 Where it gets tricky is podcasts were released on MySpace through a phone app.
01:56:36.000 It was called Podcast?
01:56:38.000 Tom has a question.
01:56:39.000 The first memory I've had of podcasting, yes.
01:56:45.000 I want to ask Jamie something.
01:56:47.000 Jamie.
01:56:47.000 Jamie.
01:56:48.000 You've been here for I don't know how many podcasts.
01:56:50.000 You're the best.
01:56:51.000 Everybody loves you.
01:56:52.000 What is...
01:56:53.000 Do you have a favorite podcast?
01:56:55.000 Seriously, because you've witnessed so many.
01:56:57.000 Like that I've sat through?
01:56:59.000 Sure, that you've sat through.
01:57:00.000 Do you have a top three?
01:57:02.000 Something that comes to mind.
01:57:03.000 What's the top three?
01:57:04.000 The one we did last year of this was pretty good.
01:57:07.000 That's probably for sure up there.
01:57:09.000 It's one of the best.
01:57:11.000 Post yoga, when we were coming down, we were smoking weed, getting drunk.
01:57:15.000 Come on.
01:57:16.000 Yeah, that was fun.
01:57:16.000 What else?
01:57:17.000 One of the first fight companions because that started a whole series of things.
01:57:21.000 So that's memorable to you.
01:57:22.000 For sure.
01:57:23.000 Anything else?
01:57:23.000 An individual podcast.
01:57:25.000 No. 0.99
01:57:26.000 How about a guest that really, like, you go, like, holy shit. 0.84
01:57:29.000 Like, Kid Cudi and Maynard were probably my top two favorite. 0.93
01:57:32.000 Wow.
01:57:33.000 Maynard's...
01:57:33.000 Maynard James Keenan from Tool.
01:57:35.000 Okay, great.
01:57:36.000 I had to ask.
01:57:37.000 I'm sorry.
01:57:38.000 I'm sorry!
01:57:39.000 Listen.
01:57:39.000 You got it, man.
01:57:40.000 What these few years have done is enhanced our friendship.
01:57:44.000 Yeah, I love this guy, too, by the way. 0.52
01:57:45.000 It's a great way to fucking do some work and get, like, closer to your friends. 0.77
01:57:49.000 Of course. 0.96
01:57:50.000 Jamie's the best, though.
01:57:50.000 Listen, we got fucking close to each other this month.
01:57:52.000 I think he should be fired, but let's talk back about what we were saying. 0.95
01:57:56.000 Especially with you two.
01:57:59.000 I really like you two.
01:58:00.000 I feel like I really click with you guys the most. 1.00
01:58:02.000 I'm gonna fucking kick you. 1.00
01:58:02.000 That's what I'm saying. 1.00
01:58:04.000 It's like I want Bird to catch up. 1.00
01:58:06.000 You fucking assholes. 1.00
01:58:08.000 Anyway, so when Tommy went down with the injury, when Tommy was like, hey, I think I'm injured, me and Bert were like, what is this? 1.00
01:58:15.000 Play this.
01:58:17.000 Dude, watch this.
01:58:18.000 Please watch this.
01:58:19.000 This is hilarious.
01:58:19.000 Play this.
01:58:20.000 Volume, please.
01:58:31.000 This is going to be fun.
01:58:32.000 I wanted to call it the big-ass stadium tour.
01:58:34.000 It's a stadium tour.
01:58:35.000 Above is all the information on it.
01:58:36.000 But what we're talking about today is we're going to introduce five cities before Christmas to go on sale.
01:58:41.000 Because on Inside Studio G, you guys ask for a longer planning date so you can plan to be as many as you can.
01:58:46.000 What are you showing me, Jamie?
01:58:47.000 Here it comes.
01:58:48.000 First two cities.
01:58:48.000 St. Louis is where we're kicking it off of.
01:58:50.000 Just watch it.
01:58:52.000 He's so weird.
01:58:53.000 Phoenix.
01:58:54.000 Wow.
01:58:54.000 Specifically Glendale, Arizona.
01:58:55.000 Hold on.
01:58:56.000 Where the Cardinals play.
01:58:57.000 This is about to get great.
01:58:58.000 Stadium as well.
01:58:59.000 So those are the first two.
01:59:00.000 The other three will be announced here shortly.
01:59:02.000 And again, they'll all be on sale before Christmas.
01:59:05.000 And remember, this is all about game day.
01:59:07.000 Every show is going to be game day or Garth day, however you want to look at it.
01:59:11.000 Come dress in your full color, support your team.
01:59:13.000 Let's go have some fun.
01:59:14.000 And let's get physical playing music.
01:59:16.000 I like that thought.
01:59:20.000 He's so weird.
01:59:22.000 Here's the thing.
01:59:23.000 Here's the thing.
01:59:24.000 Get that off the screen, Jamie. 1.00
01:59:26.000 You've got to prepare me for shit. 0.99
01:59:29.000 Here's the thing. 0.99
01:59:31.000 By the way, we've got to say this.
01:59:32.000 Garth is an amazing performer.
01:59:35.000 Why would you say that?
01:59:36.000 I thought you said it before.
01:59:37.000 Let him set it up.
01:59:38.000 He's so many people's favorite.
01:59:41.000 He's a top-selling actor.
01:59:42.000 He sells more tickets than Beyonce.
01:59:44.000 That dude is amazing.
01:59:45.000 Other level. 0.99
01:59:47.000 They sold out Notre Dame Stadium in under a fucking hour. 1.00
01:59:51.000 Just unbelievable. 1.00
01:59:53.000 It's out of control.
01:59:55.000 He's been so famous for so long that I think he really thinks, what are normal people like?
02:00:02.000 You know, if you said, like, how much is a bottle of whiskey?
02:00:06.000 He'd be like, I don't know, ten grand?
02:00:07.000 A million dollars!
02:00:07.000 He doesn't fucking have any idea, and his social media is really awkward, and it's the best thing in the world right now.
02:00:15.000 It really is great. 0.97
02:00:16.000 It really is amazing.
02:00:17.000 From the announcement, that Facebook one that you know was, you saw that one.
02:00:21.000 He's like, well, I guess it's official.
02:00:23.000 Christina just posted this video, I'm obsessed with Garth Brooks. 0.92
02:00:28.000 And it's so fucking amazing. 0.89
02:00:29.000 It's amazing. 0.96
02:00:30.000 It's one of the best videos I've ever seen that I watched over and over and over again.
02:00:34.000 Did you see what your wife posted earlier with the lady getting hit in the head with the fish? 0.94
02:00:39.000 Oh my god, what was that?
02:00:40.000 Oh, this is one push post.
02:00:42.000 Oh, this is hashtag.
02:00:45.000 It's on.
02:00:46.000 Hashtag ask Garth.
02:00:47.000 Ask me anything, okay?
02:00:49.000 Hashtag happy.
02:00:50.000 Hashtag Garth.
02:00:51.000 Hashtag Mr. Yearwood.
02:00:52.000 What?
02:00:53.000 Hashtag you're it.
02:00:54.000 You're in.
02:00:55.000 For what?
02:00:55.000 Stop this, Jamie.
02:00:57.000 Listen to me.
02:00:59.000 You've got to stop this right now.
02:01:01.000 He does that thing where he does this.
02:01:05.000 He's so famous.
02:01:07.000 His wife's famous, but she's not as famous as him.
02:01:10.000 Trisha, your wife?
02:01:10.000 Yes.
02:01:11.000 Wait, what?
02:01:11.000 Yes.
02:01:13.000 What?
02:01:14.000 Hashtag Mr. Yearwood.
02:01:15.000 So that's why he goes Mr. Yearwood.
02:01:17.000 So he does that thing where he's like, I'm Mr. Yearwood.
02:01:20.000 I took my wife's lap.
02:01:22.000 Because I'm just like y'all.
02:01:25.000 I wanted to take my wife's first name, too.
02:01:28.000 He married Trisha Yearwood?
02:01:30.000 Yeah.
02:01:31.000 Wow.
02:01:31.000 They've been married for a while.
02:01:32.000 Where have you been?
02:01:34.000 Okay, go ahead.
02:01:35.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:01:36.000 Great winners.
02:01:37.000 He's just...
02:01:37.000 I think he's very sincere.
02:01:39.000 I believe it. 0.97
02:01:41.000 But there's something fucking weird going on there, and I think he's got a couple bodies in the trunk. 1.00
02:01:46.000 Damn. 0.99
02:01:46.000 I just don't... 0.99
02:01:46.000 I think there's something going on. 0.99
02:01:48.000 I think it's somebody...
02:01:50.000 You know how there's something about when you watch, or you remember back to Michael Jackson, and you're like...
02:01:57.000 That guy got weird, obviously.
02:01:59.000 But also, how incomprehensible is it to be as famous as he is?
02:02:04.000 Or was, Michael Jackson?
02:02:07.000 Garth Brooks, for me, the part that's a reach or whatever is that none of my friends are ever like, hey man, did you hear that new Garth Brooks track?
02:02:15.000 I don't have anyone in my life talking about him, so he seems almost like a foreign entity, right? 0.93
02:02:21.000 But country fans.
02:02:22.000 Did you ever like any of his stuff?
02:02:24.000 Yeah.
02:02:24.000 I don't know any of it.
02:02:25.000 He's a great artist.
02:02:27.000 I'm completely removed from it.
02:02:28.000 You know some of this stuff.
02:02:29.000 But we don't listen to the country.
02:02:31.000 It's an anthem.
02:02:31.000 Have you ever heard that song?
02:02:34.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:02:35.000 Sure, of course.
02:02:36.000 It's a fun song, man.
02:02:37.000 It's an anthem.
02:02:37.000 Yeah, it's everybody's...
02:02:38.000 I know that.
02:02:40.000 If you look at all-time fun drinking songs...
02:02:44.000 That's one of them. 0.98
02:02:45.000 Damn, it's close to number one. 0.99
02:02:47.000 Look, man, I had no idea. 0.99
02:02:48.000 If you're drunk enough to relax...
02:02:50.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:02:50.000 And not worry about which fucking rednecks. 1.00
02:02:53.000 You're drunk enough to relax. 1.00
02:02:54.000 You have a couple tequilas in you.
02:02:56.000 I can appreciate it, dude. 1.00
02:02:59.000 I own some Clint Black shit. 0.97
02:03:01.000 I have some Hank Williams stuff. 0.99
02:03:02.000 I'm not knocking it all together.
02:03:04.000 I'm just saying he's not somebody that I regularly, or that I even talk to someone who's like, I'm going to Garth Brooks this weekend.
02:03:10.000 Waylon Jennings.
02:03:11.000 Waylon Jennings.
02:03:13.000 His social media is that special.
02:03:16.000 It is remarkable.
02:03:17.000 It should be recognized.
02:03:18.000 It's amazing. 0.99
02:03:18.000 He's crazy. 0.99
02:03:19.000 It's amazing.
02:03:20.000 He has this show where whenever he's so famous that he'll just post, he'll be like, we're inside Studio G right now.
02:03:27.000 He calls it Studio G. Grace Brooks Studio?
02:03:30.000 Yes.
02:03:31.000 I'm doing that with your podcast, please.
02:03:33.000 Studio G. Studio J. I'm already doing Studio G. Studio JRE. Studio JRE. He does weird waves where he doesn't know how to end a video, so he'll just be like, come see me at this stadium this weekend.
02:03:51.000 He'll just wave.
02:03:52.000 It's hilarious.
02:03:53.000 It's the best thing I've ever seen. 0.94
02:03:55.000 It is pretty fucking amazing.
02:03:57.000 I'm obsessed with it now, and I found it through him in Push. 0.82
02:04:00.000 Yeah, it's great.
02:04:02.000 And I don't know if he's cut a video yet, but you know Vic Berger, the editor?
02:04:07.000 Yeah, I do.
02:04:08.000 I don't know how.
02:04:09.000 He just pulls the best content and edits it amazingly.
02:04:12.000 And he put up a bunch of Garth's Instagram stuff.
02:04:16.000 It's great.
02:04:17.000 Or just go to Garth Brooks.
02:04:18.000 Go straight to the source.
02:04:20.000 Just make your own decisions.
02:04:21.000 We should do a stadium tour where we just get comfortable.
02:04:26.000 Yeah.
02:04:26.000 Is that what he says?
02:04:29.000 Get physical!
02:04:30.000 Get physical!
02:04:30.000 Get physical!
02:04:31.000 Get physical with the music!
02:04:32.000 Let's get physical out there.
02:04:34.000 While we're making music.
02:04:35.000 I like that.
02:04:35.000 What?
02:04:36.000 Let's get physical while we're doing comedy.
02:04:39.000 I like that.
02:04:40.000 You like comedy?
02:04:41.000 You like comedy physical!
02:04:43.000 Because here's the thing, he was like, we're going to do this in stadiums, where normally you see football teams, so wear your favorite football team's uniform, and then let's get physical while we're making music.
02:04:55.000 You know what is weird about comedy?
02:04:56.000 You know, like my dad would say?
02:04:57.000 Yeah, go ahead.
02:04:59.000 Sorry, there's a weird thing that happened for a little while, where if you were too theatrical, comics would get upset at you.
02:05:08.000 Like, what are you doing?
02:05:09.000 Yeah.
02:05:09.000 If you moved around too much, you got physical, you acted things out, people would literally shun you.
02:05:17.000 There's a few people that thought you should just stand there.
02:05:21.000 Yeah, that was a style for a while, right?
02:05:23.000 I remember hearing someone talk.
02:05:25.000 I want to say it was in the movie Comedian, Jerry Seinfeld, going, if I have a bit, I'll act it out because if it gets a bigger laugh, then that's the purpose.
02:05:32.000 And I remember feeling vindicated because I was super physical when I started.
02:05:35.000 Man, it's a weird thing.
02:05:37.000 It's weird.
02:05:37.000 Why would anybody...
02:05:38.000 I also embraced looking more like shit than I do, naturally. 0.99
02:05:42.000 So I would be like, if this shirt has a hole in it, wear it to do a set. 0.99
02:05:45.000 Wow, really?
02:05:46.000 Yeah, for a while.
02:05:48.000 For a while.
02:05:48.000 I was like, oh, you should look...
02:05:50.000 For some reason, I don't know why I bought into that.
02:05:52.000 I was like, you should just look like...
02:05:53.000 What is that saying?
02:05:55.000 What are you trying to do to me, man?
02:05:56.000 Your mom's house fans are taking over his comments. 1.00
02:05:59.000 You son of a bitch! 1.00
02:06:02.000 You goddamn tanked! 1.00
02:06:04.000 Wait, why do you wear what you wear on stage? 1.00
02:06:07.000 I wear things that are loose.
02:06:09.000 I'm curious because you dress specifically, which as a guy who wears no shirt and people go, oh, there must be no thought in that.
02:06:18.000 Wait.
02:06:19.000 No, there's totally thought.
02:06:20.000 Yeah, I don't wear a shirt.
02:06:21.000 Wait a minute.
02:06:23.000 I've actually took me a second to recognize it.
02:06:26.000 Yeah, yeah, I'm the guy.
02:06:27.000 I thought that was Adam Hunter.
02:06:28.000 That's you the whole time.
02:06:29.000 There's another guy that's doing that, though, right?
02:06:32.000 There's a lot of other guys right now.
02:06:33.000 How many guys?
02:06:34.000 Bert, you're an official influencer.
02:06:36.000 I'm serious. 0.99
02:06:38.000 Goddamn Chippendales comedy. 0.99
02:06:40.000 I'm not joking. 0.99
02:06:41.000 I'm not joking.
02:06:43.000 How about the Stars Network sponsors the Chippendales Comedy Network? 1.00
02:06:46.000 Oh, shit. 0.99
02:06:48.000 The offer's rolling in. 1.00
02:06:49.000 Every week, posting, naked.
02:06:51.000 Do you put thought into what you wear, though?
02:06:53.000 Yes, I wear things that are loose.
02:06:57.000 Your wrists are never buttoned.
02:06:59.000 Yeah, I want loose.
02:07:00.000 I want all the muscles to be covered, everything to be non-form-fitting.
02:07:08.000 That's like the opposite of me.
02:07:10.000 If I wear anything that's form-fitting, I get uncomfortable.
02:07:13.000 Wait, generally or just for a taping?
02:07:16.000 On stage.
02:07:17.000 Otherwise, do you feel fine wearing form-fitting?
02:07:19.000 Yeah, people go, oh, your shirts are always... 0.97
02:07:20.000 Somebody needs to fucking find your shirts that fit. 0.91
02:07:23.000 Like, I can't wear shirts that fit. 0.99
02:07:25.000 You can't even find them.
02:07:27.000 You're like, I've tried.
02:07:28.000 They're like, Joe Rogan's tried, but he can't find his shirt.
02:07:31.000 No, I get that.
02:07:32.000 I know, I understand that.
02:07:33.000 I'm saying from their perspective.
02:07:35.000 But I get it because there's also, have you ever done where you go, I'm going to get a bunch of clothes right now, and you put on something that feels cool, but then you look in the mirror and you're like, this is too cool.
02:07:48.000 You're like, I can't wear this.
02:07:51.000 It's way too cool for the stage.
02:07:53.000 You've got to wear something that makes you feel Cool enough and relaxed.
02:07:57.000 That's the main thing.
02:07:58.000 Comfortable.
02:07:59.000 Loose.
02:07:59.000 You can dress cool like a wedding or something.
02:08:02.000 What's that?
02:08:02.000 You can dress cool among your friends.
02:08:04.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:08:04.000 Or it's like, I'm dressing cool today.
02:08:05.000 But if you're like, if you put it on and you're like, oh, I look like I'm trying to be Jason Statham right now. 1.00
02:08:11.000 You guys need to fuck with these rubber jeans, man. 1.00
02:08:14.000 You know what I mean? 1.00
02:08:15.000 Jason Statham.
02:08:15.000 You feel like you're like, you look in the mirror.
02:08:18.000 That's who Tom thinks he is.
02:08:19.000 No, that's who you think you are.
02:08:23.000 I'm going to look right now.
02:08:28.000 Oh my god.
02:08:30.000 Oh my god. 1.00
02:08:32.000 What the fuck was that? 1.00
02:08:33.000 I don't know! 1.00
02:08:33.000 It's him! 1.00
02:08:34.000 That's his voice. 0.99
02:08:35.000 It is a fucking joy. 0.99
02:08:37.000 Oh, I love this. 0.98
02:08:38.000 I'm so glad we do this.
02:08:40.000 Oh my god.
02:08:41.000 This is so much better than being on an elliptical machine for five and a half hours. 1.00
02:08:45.000 Fuck that, dude. 1.00
02:08:46.000 Oh, it's worth it, though. 1.00
02:08:47.000 But not fuck that. 1.00
02:08:48.000 Just fuck that most of the time. 1.00
02:08:50.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00
02:08:51.000 Listen, fuck that most of the time. 1.00
02:08:52.000 All the time. 1.00
02:08:52.000 It was never good. 1.00
02:08:54.000 Next year, I have to wake up and go, fuck these idiots and bring pressure. 1.00
02:08:57.000 Quit! 1.00
02:08:58.000 You know what?
02:08:59.000 Next year we're surfing.
02:09:00.000 No one surfs.
02:09:01.000 No one can practice until next year.
02:09:03.000 I'm not practicing.
02:09:03.000 Next year we're surfing.
02:09:04.000 I promise I'm not practicing.
02:09:06.000 Can we get coaches?
02:09:07.000 No, no, no, no, no.
02:09:08.000 I want Sonny Garcia.
02:09:09.000 I want Brad Gerlach.
02:09:11.000 You can do whatever you want.
02:09:12.000 How do you know all these surfers' names?
02:09:13.000 I grew up wanting to surf so bad.
02:09:15.000 Here's the deal.
02:09:16.000 You can do whatever you want once October gets started.
02:09:20.000 If you want to hire a coach, 100%.
02:09:22.000 If you want to hire a trainer...
02:09:24.000 Kelly, I grew up close to Sebastian Inlet.
02:09:26.000 I know exactly where that is, dog.
02:09:28.000 I know that you loved it.
02:09:29.000 I like you.
02:09:30.000 I never liked your brother.
02:09:31.000 Sebastian Linlet.
02:09:32.000 What's up?
02:09:33.000 772. Let's do this, dog.
02:09:35.000 Cocoa Thieves, Kelly, to Daytona by the pier.
02:09:37.000 You don't want to ask Shane Dorian or Kelly Slater to teach you surfing because they don't have the time.
02:09:42.000 No, they definitely don't have the time.
02:09:43.000 There's probably a ton of real surfing instructors that can teach you. 0.99
02:09:46.000 Bitch, you ain't going to be a world champion. 1.00
02:09:49.000 Kelly Slater has no time for this pool. 1.00
02:09:52.000 He would be like, what the fuck are you? 1.00
02:09:55.000 You fat fucking asshole! 1.00
02:09:57.000 How great would it be if Kelly... 1.00
02:09:58.000 I teach you to fake surf for a month, but you gotta quit for sure.
02:10:01.000 Yo, Kelly, you gotta hook me up.
02:10:04.000 How great would it be if Kelly Slater sat down with you and was like, and I'd like to try stand-up. 0.97
02:10:09.000 Can you help me write jokes?
02:10:10.000 They're like, oh, no, it's my bro.
02:10:11.000 You'd be like, dude, just stop.
02:10:15.000 It's starting to work out.
02:10:16.000 Let's not do that.
02:10:17.000 Oh, I wouldn't need another drink.
02:10:20.000 This is the best buzz.
02:10:23.000 I remember one time, remember we went to Hawaii?
02:10:26.000 Yeah. 0.97
02:10:27.000 I gave you dits! 1.00
02:10:29.000 I gave you dits! 1.00
02:10:30.000 That's true, you did.
02:10:31.000 Did you ever see that video, Joe?
02:10:33.000 Yeah, I saw that video.
02:10:34.000 Best video in the universe.
02:10:36.000 I'll just tell you it's better if you don't see it.
02:10:38.000 Okay.
02:10:38.000 Tommy shaves my back and then he goes, should I shave my back?
02:10:43.000 And I go, yeah.
02:10:44.000 Oh, I've seen that video.
02:10:45.000 Yes, of course.
02:10:46.000 I checked off to it three times.
02:10:50.000 You guys were in Hawaii.
02:10:51.000 That's right. 0.99
02:10:52.000 And I hollowed out his tits. 1.00
02:10:53.000 Beautiful job. 1.00
02:10:54.000 Oh, dude, that makes me laugh to this day.
02:10:57.000 Good times.
02:10:57.000 Good video, man.
02:11:00.000 So, world tour and stadiums.
02:11:03.000 Stadiums.
02:11:04.000 Maybe arenas is a good start. 1.00
02:11:05.000 Let's not go to places where we're going to get arrested for ridiculous shit. 0.87
02:11:09.000 Where would you go, seriously, if I said, hey, if we start in March, do you want to start doing some half-hour stadium sets? 0.99
02:11:19.000 Or arena sets.
02:11:20.000 Let's say arenas.
02:11:20.000 Yeah, let's figure out where we're going to go.
02:11:22.000 Let's get together and sort this fucking thing out, boys. 0.99
02:11:26.000 I would do something. 1.00
02:11:26.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:11:27.000 Let's have some goddamn fun. 0.99
02:11:29.000 Madison Square Garden. 0.99
02:11:31.000 Of course, that's on the list. 0.99
02:11:33.000 Let's have some goddamn fun. 0.99
02:11:35.000 Madison Square Garden. 0.99
02:11:36.000 Let's start there.
02:11:37.000 What would you want to do?
02:11:38.000 Staples Center?
02:11:39.000 What would you want to do?
02:11:40.000 Madison Square Garden.
02:11:41.000 Have you ever had a comic tell you, for real, not joking, sincere, that you can't follow me?
02:11:48.000 No.
02:11:50.000 Have you?
02:12:03.000 I mean, it's not good.
02:12:05.000 I can't say it.
02:12:07.000 I'll tell you off, Mike.
02:12:08.000 Just whisper it.
02:12:09.000 Mouth it to us and we won't say it.
02:12:11.000 Can you say this?
02:12:12.000 Can you say Candyman, Candyman, Candyman?
02:12:17.000 No way!
02:12:18.000 We'll pass it.
02:12:18.000 Not even a chance.
02:12:20.000 Hey, write it down and we'll write it down.
02:12:21.000 Not even a chance.
02:12:22.000 We'll just pass it underneath.
02:12:23.000 Let's do this.
02:12:24.000 You don't know how paranoid I am.
02:12:25.000 Of course that's not going to happen.
02:12:27.000 Why?
02:12:27.000 Let's all write it down.
02:12:28.000 I'm not going to write it down. 0.99
02:12:29.000 Hey, Tom, good for you keeping it together fucked up and drunk. 1.00
02:12:32.000 Fuck you, Joe. 1.00
02:12:33.000 Bro, bro, bro. 1.00
02:12:34.000 Ask me a secret.
02:12:36.000 We can better talk about it.
02:12:37.000 Oh, should we have reservations?
02:12:38.000 Right now?
02:12:39.000 Whisper ear.
02:12:40.000 Whisper ear.
02:12:40.000 Whisper ear.
02:12:42.000 Whisper ear!
02:12:43.000 Whisper ear!
02:12:43.000 Whisper ear!
02:12:44.000 Whisper ear!
02:12:45.000 Whisper ear!
02:12:47.000 I'm not doing it.
02:12:47.000 I'm not doing it.
02:12:48.000 I'm telling you bitches right now. 1.00
02:12:49.000 I take all my secrets to Tommy first. 0.99
02:12:52.000 From now on.
02:12:53.000 Hardcore.
02:12:54.000 He's holding on to them. 1.00
02:12:55.000 You bitches are loose lips. 1.00
02:12:57.000 I'm never loose lips. 0.99
02:12:58.000 Just because I try to crack his vault doesn't mean I have a vault.
02:13:00.000 We're both too drunk.
02:13:01.000 No, Bert's the worst.
02:13:02.000 Do not tell him. 0.96
02:13:03.000 Bert's the worst.
02:13:04.000 Do not tell him.
02:13:04.000 No, you can't tell Bert.
02:13:05.000 No, no, no, no, no, no. 1.00
02:13:07.000 Fuck you guys. 1.00
02:13:08.000 I told you a secret. 1.00
02:13:09.000 Seriously, I'll go through fucking CIA shit and I will not tell you a secret. 0.99
02:13:13.000 I promise you. 1.00
02:13:14.000 I believe you.
02:13:15.000 I promise you.
02:13:15.000 For real.
02:13:16.000 I believe you.
02:13:17.000 I promise you.
02:13:17.000 If you told me something was a secret.
02:13:20.000 I've told you so many secrets, it's ridiculous. 0.99
02:13:21.000 If you told me this is a fucking secret, people could break my fingers and I wouldn't tell them. 0.99
02:13:26.000 I promise you. 1.00
02:13:26.000 For real. 1.00
02:13:27.000 I promise you.
02:13:28.000 What about you? 0.97
02:13:29.000 I'm not saying shit. 0.98
02:13:31.000 For real? 0.98
02:13:32.000 No.
02:13:32.000 I'll tell you a secret.
02:13:33.000 You won't take it anywhere? 0.99
02:13:34.000 I'm not saying shit. 0.98
02:13:36.000 I'll tell you the actual order of who can keep a secret and who cannot. 0.98
02:13:38.000 Tell us.
02:13:39.000 Start with where.
02:13:40.000 Who's the bad?
02:13:40.000 Who's the worst?
02:13:41.000 Bert's the worst.
02:13:42.000 Right.
02:13:43.000 Bert, honestly, and this is not an insult.
02:13:47.000 You should tell Burt Secrets if you want it to get out, but you don't want it to come from you.
02:13:51.000 It's like a source.
02:13:52.000 It's a press source.
02:13:53.000 It's like one of them CIA leaks in Serbia.
02:13:57.000 That's right.
02:13:58.000 Deep throats right here beside us. 0.99
02:14:01.000 I call my special secret time. 1.00
02:14:03.000 Some dude in Antarctica and shit. 1.00
02:14:06.000 Burt gets a fucking secret briefcase full of bullshit. 1.00
02:14:08.000 I'm curious, what's next? 1.00
02:14:09.000 I can't believe this!
02:14:11.000 Yeah!
02:14:11.000 He puts it on his blog.
02:14:13.000 Yeah, he puts it on his blog.
02:14:14.000 Joe Rogan is next on that list.
02:14:18.000 I agree.
02:14:19.000 He can keep a secret sometimes.
02:14:21.000 Sometimes he cannot.
02:14:21.000 Depends.
02:14:22.000 I have to file it into significance or incident evidence. 0.99
02:14:25.000 It's possible, though, if you don't make it very clear that it's like, fucking goddammit. 0.99
02:14:29.000 But... 0.99
02:14:31.000 I'm always looking out for your best interests.
02:14:33.000 That is true.
02:14:33.000 He will always defend your friend.
02:14:35.000 Yeah, I agree with that.
02:14:36.000 Till this point, I always thought then, I was the most vaulted.
02:14:41.000 But the way you talk makes me think that you might also have my understanding of when someone shares something with you.
02:14:49.000 That just dies with you.
02:14:50.000 If you tell me that that dies with me, I will never betray you.
02:14:54.000 I'll let it out once it's all out to everybody and be like, oh, just so you know, I knew about that 12 years ago.
02:15:00.000 Yeah, but there's also different levels of people telling you something. 0.99
02:15:04.000 And there's stuff where you make the judgment, you're like, this is some bullshit. 0.80
02:15:08.000 And then there's stuff where you're like, this is a little more serious. 0.96
02:15:11.000 And then there's stuff where somebody tells you something and it's actually something that could affect their life.
02:15:16.000 And there's a 0% chance I would ever say something that you told me.
02:15:21.000 Use your head.
02:15:22.000 Don't say that.
02:15:23.000 If you ever told me something severe, I promise you would never have to worry about me saying anything to anybody.
02:15:29.000 Let me step in for one second.
02:15:31.000 What's that?
02:15:32.000 Like, I've judged off a couple kids.
02:15:34.000 It's fine.
02:15:34.000 Don't say this.
02:15:35.000 Okay, cool.
02:15:35.000 Can we talk about this?
02:15:36.000 But one reality is that sometimes one of your friends will say something that's disturbing, and you're not sure if you have talked to somebody about it.
02:15:47.000 Oh, like, I think about killing myself, or like, yeah.
02:15:50.000 Yeah, okay.
02:15:51.000 When you and I... But I'm not thinking, I'm not saying this in terms of that.
02:15:54.000 When Ari and I had these kind of conversations, and I didn't know...
02:15:57.000 Then you're like, do I talk to people about this?
02:15:58.000 And I didn't understand how to deal with that.
02:16:01.000 I didn't know anybody who had gone to that place.
02:16:05.000 Yeah.
02:16:06.000 To the, I'm close to killing myself place.
02:16:10.000 I've known people that have killed themselves, but I never knew anybody who confided in me that they were thinking of killing themselves.
02:16:16.000 Yeah, I've never had that either.
02:16:17.000 No one as close as you and I were.
02:16:20.000 You and I had spent so much fun time together, so much traveling on the road together, so many gigs.
02:16:26.000 We had a lot of fun.
02:16:28.000 So, I didn't understand.
02:16:30.000 I was like, you're a really hilarious comedian.
02:16:34.000 You're a professional comedian.
02:16:35.000 You're doing what we all want to do.
02:16:37.000 Everything is happening.
02:16:38.000 And then you're depressed.
02:16:40.000 I'm like, there's a situation going on. 0.97
02:16:42.000 I don't know what the fuck it is, but it doesn't make any sense to me. 0.92
02:16:46.000 I've never had anybody confide in me like that. 0.98
02:16:49.000 That's a different kind of confide.
02:16:50.000 That's when you're like, let me make the best what I think is a decision.
02:16:53.000 Instead of just going like, I want to share this.
02:16:56.000 Yeah, of course it's better.
02:16:58.000 No, that's different.
02:16:59.000 You're fine on that. 0.98
02:17:00.000 You opened up about some shit that I was like, okay, I can't be responsible for this just based on my own personal judgment because I don't understand this that well. 0.98
02:17:11.000 And I was like, I've got to figure out what to do. 0.99
02:17:14.000 And then I reached out to friends who told me about psychiatrists and then we got together.
02:17:21.000 Yeah, you're fine on that.
02:17:22.000 That's making a decision to like...
02:17:24.000 Oh, that's a good time.
02:17:25.000 Share information.
02:17:26.000 Yeah, exactly.
02:17:26.000 You're like, hold on, let me think about this now.
02:17:27.000 I'm not talking about that.
02:17:28.000 I'm talking about...
02:17:29.000 A secret.
02:17:30.000 Yeah, man. 1.00
02:17:31.000 My thing is, if you're going to make me find out for myself, I'm going to tell fucking everybody. 0.99
02:17:35.000 Right. 0.99
02:17:35.000 But if you tell me... 0.99
02:17:36.000 If I tell you, you're going to respect it.
02:17:37.000 I will absolutely respect it.
02:17:38.000 I think you and I are on the same level with that.
02:17:40.000 Yes.
02:17:40.000 Where it's not a question of what the line is.
02:17:43.000 It's just no.
02:17:44.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.98
02:17:45.000 Especially if I were to tell you this is a no, you would never fuck me up on that. 0.98
02:17:49.000 Wouldn't even be a question. 0.99
02:17:50.000 Of course.
02:17:50.000 Wouldn't come out.
02:17:51.000 Unless someone brings it up in conversation and you're like, oh yeah, of course this happened.
02:17:55.000 Yeah, but if you tell me no...
02:17:56.000 I'll bury it so much I don't even think about it.
02:17:58.000 Burt would sell you out.
02:17:59.000 I'm so bad at secrets.
02:18:01.000 I would not sell you out.
02:18:03.000 I would not sell you out.
02:18:03.000 I would never sell someone out, but I would definitely...
02:18:06.000 I will make some judgment calls on nonsense.
02:18:08.000 That's true.
02:18:09.000 But if you tell me to not say anything, that's different.
02:18:12.000 You just got to be clear with you. 0.99
02:18:13.000 I appreciate that level of a friendship, too, where somebody goes, I will call you out on some bullshit. 0.98
02:18:19.000 I also will say this. 0.56
02:18:20.000 I think Bert, if you told him this is definitely a secret, he would definitely not sell you out.
02:18:27.000 I agree.
02:18:28.000 I disagree.
02:18:28.000 I've had him.
02:18:29.000 I've said, don't tell us anyone.
02:18:31.000 And within the day, it's been out.
02:18:34.000 Ah!
02:18:39.000 One time?
02:18:40.000 One time I gave up Ari's secret within 12 hours.
02:18:43.000 He told me a secret but I didn't understand it.
02:18:47.000 I understood that it was a secret but he didn't say it was a secret the way he wanted it to be a secret.
02:18:51.000 This time we went hiking and I was like, hey, I have a secret hike.
02:18:54.000 Can I trust you to not share the hike with you that you won't share with anybody?
02:18:57.000 And you're like, yeah, whatever, man.
02:18:58.000 I'm like, you don't know.
02:18:59.000 What did I say?
02:19:00.000 I don't trust you. 1.00
02:19:03.000 What the fuck did you just say? 1.00
02:19:04.000 A secret? 1.00
02:19:05.000 What?
02:19:05.000 Say it again?
02:19:06.000 He had a secret.
02:19:07.000 I don't know what I said.
02:19:08.000 He said I had a secret.
02:19:10.000 Who did you start telling?
02:19:11.000 I shared secrets with you.
02:19:12.000 Immediately, you tell everyone.
02:19:12.000 He told me a secret one time before last Sober October.
02:19:15.000 That's true.
02:19:16.000 And he goes, don't tell anyone.
02:19:18.000 And within 12 hours, I told the secret.
02:19:21.000 Why did you tell it?
02:19:22.000 I don't even know that I told it.
02:19:23.000 I don't remember that I did.
02:19:24.000 Yeah, it's all right.
02:19:25.000 You don't care about it.
02:19:26.000 No, that's not important to me.
02:19:28.000 It's not a real secret.
02:19:29.000 It's not a real secret.
02:19:29.000 You told me a secret the other day.
02:19:31.000 I'm not going to say who by.
02:19:32.000 I have more honor than you.
02:19:34.000 I've told you and Joe more secrets than anyone.
02:19:36.000 Should you not be about to tell me this?
02:19:38.000 Because it seems like someone's secret.
02:19:39.000 You're like, I get what you're saying.
02:19:41.000 I'm going to say it anyway.
02:19:42.000 He did say that.
02:19:43.000 He goes, maybe you should never tell anyone what you're about to say.
02:19:46.000 I want to hear about it.
02:19:46.000 As a nosy Jew, I want to hear about it.
02:19:48.000 But just from your point of view, for a second, it seems like you're worried about telling this guy's secret.
02:19:53.000 You being able to say nosy Jew is such a beautiful thing. 1.00
02:19:56.000 Because Because it lets everyone else say it?
02:19:58.000 We're nosy, bro.
02:20:00.000 Not really.
02:20:00.000 No one else in this room can say it.
02:20:03.000 We're nosy people.
02:20:04.000 But you can say it.
02:20:04.000 But you have a free path.
02:20:07.000 A free pass. 0.96
02:20:08.000 To nosy Jew. 1.00
02:20:09.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99
02:20:10.000 Nosy and Jew. 1.00
02:20:11.000 I can barely say it in reference.
02:20:14.000 My nosy Jew friend already.
02:20:16.000 Me saying it, me saying you saying it can get me in trouble.
02:20:19.000 It's not quite the N word, but it is the J word. 0.98
02:20:22.000 You know?
02:20:23.000 It's like, you know, it's like blue in the my zones points.
02:20:33.000 The N-word is straight red.
02:20:35.000 That's red.
02:20:37.000 What's chink? 0.99
02:20:38.000 Yellow.
02:20:38.000 That's my favorite.
02:20:39.000 Yellow.
02:20:40.000 My favorite N-word. 0.99
02:20:41.000 You understand what the fuck I just said? 1.00
02:20:43.000 Yellow. 0.99
02:20:44.000 It's a joke.
02:20:46.000 We're gonna be okay, folks.
02:20:47.000 It's gonna be Madison Square Garden, May 12th.
02:20:50.000 My favorite n-word argument is when like the old guy, the old white guy goes like, well, why can they say it?
02:20:57.000 That's an immediate green light that that guy's super racist that he's like, he's like, I don't get it.
02:21:03.000 Give me an explanation.
02:21:04.000 Why do you want it?
02:21:05.000 Just stop saying it.
02:21:06.000 Why are you pretending you need that explained to you?
02:21:10.000 Do you know what's the most underlooked racist thing in this country?
02:21:14.000 It's Asians and Harvard. 0.84
02:21:17.000 Just like this past year.
02:21:19.000 They literally make it more difficult for Asians to get into Harvard than anyone else. 1.00
02:21:25.000 There's so many of them getting in.
02:21:27.000 What amazing super performers.
02:21:30.000 It'd be all Asian. 0.97
02:21:32.000 23%!
02:21:35.000 Is that kind of racist?
02:21:37.000 It's kind of crazy.
02:21:39.000 Aren't they better?
02:21:40.000 They're much better!
02:21:42.000 They're much better! 0.99
02:21:43.000 By the way, it is racist and you're crazy enough to let them in. 0.99
02:21:45.000 They're going to win. 0.99
02:21:47.000 They're going to win.
02:21:47.000 Do you remember when you were growing up where in my high school the standards that Asian families put on their Asian children was through the roof.
02:22:01.000 And by the way, We had a top 10 thing.
02:22:04.000 It was 80 to 90% Asian.
02:22:08.000 I literally grew up from 15 to 21 around a ton of Korean people.
02:22:14.000 Bert turned 53 last week.
02:22:16.000 Wow!
02:22:17.000 He looks great for 53. I was around a ton of Asian people.
02:22:22.000 Their work ethic is insane.
02:22:25.000 Next level, bro.
02:22:27.000 Problem solved is different.
02:22:28.000 We went to a Korean grade school.
02:22:31.000 And George and Isla would have a hard time doing homework with Leanne.
02:22:35.000 And one time, one of the Korean moms goes, why don't you just switch up? 1.00
02:22:39.000 That's what we do.
02:22:39.000 We never do homework with our children.
02:22:41.000 Because our children won't give us what they need, but they'll give a stranger what they need.
02:22:45.000 The Korean moms were switching up and doing homework with us.
02:22:49.000 The moms were. 0.57
02:22:50.000 With different kids.
02:22:51.000 Dude, Asians are next level. 1.00
02:22:54.000 Next level.
02:22:55.000 Do you see a somatologist thing?
02:22:57.000 What?
02:22:57.000 Hasan Minhaj?
02:22:58.000 What the fuck did you just say? 1.00
02:23:00.000 Wait, what did you just say? 1.00
02:23:02.000 Can you play that back?
02:23:04.000 What did you just say?
02:23:05.000 Pull over, sir.
02:23:07.000 Might see driver's license.
02:23:09.000 You guys see?
02:23:10.000 I'm on my stuff.
02:23:11.000 I'm on my stuff.
02:23:12.000 Registration, proof of insurance.
02:23:15.000 Hasan Minhaj.
02:23:15.000 What did you just say?
02:23:17.000 Does this man work with you?
02:23:19.000 Is he a friend of yours?
02:23:20.000 Why don't you know how to say his name?
02:23:24.000 He's great, by the way.
02:23:25.000 What kind of party are you coming from?
02:23:26.000 Birthday party?
02:23:28.000 He's a great comic.
02:23:30.000 Hasan Minhaj.
02:23:31.000 Yeah, he's so funny.
02:23:32.000 I don't know if it's funny per se, but it's really good.
02:23:35.000 I haven't seen it either.
02:23:36.000 It's really good.
02:23:38.000 His first thing is about...
02:23:41.000 Whatever, dude. 0.99
02:23:42.000 I'm fucking hammered. 0.98
02:23:43.000 I'm not going to try to talk like this. 0.99
02:23:44.000 You said, have you guys seen Hamar Lamaz? 0.99
02:23:48.000 I'm already fucked up. 0.98
02:23:49.000 Have you guys seen Assalamualaikum? 0.99
02:23:50.000 I just want to go to surf.
02:23:52.000 I want to go to surf camp.
02:23:54.000 No, no surf camps.
02:23:55.000 Remember, we can't do any surfing until October 1st.
02:24:00.000 Okay, let me ask you guys a question.
02:24:01.000 This is what Nikki said.
02:24:02.000 I went on her show after this.
02:24:04.000 Nikki Grazer?
02:24:05.000 Yeah, she goes, what did you say?
02:24:06.000 It seems like these guys all decided that you're going to do something, and they called you, and you're like, what?
02:24:11.000 No. 1.00
02:24:11.000 Fuck all of you. 1.00
02:24:12.000 No. 1.00
02:24:13.000 What was the plan to go to Las Vegas?
02:24:17.000 Oh yeah. 1.00
02:24:18.000 By the way, everything was set until your fucking ass got on the phone. 1.00
02:24:23.000 Everybody was in agreement. 1.00
02:24:24.000 Voice of reason.
02:24:27.000 Listen, I've been Ari's friend for a long time.
02:24:29.000 He straightens me out sometimes. 0.99
02:24:30.000 Do you realize right now you'd be on a Gulfstream fucking G450 with bird pain in the bill? 0.98
02:24:35.000 I turned to Ari for advice. 0.99
02:24:38.000 Guys, listen.
02:24:38.000 What's our reward though?
02:24:40.000 We should have a reward.
02:24:41.000 I owe something.
02:24:43.000 I owe something. 1.00
02:24:43.000 I got a belt out of this motherfucker. 1.00
02:24:44.000 You do get a belt. 1.00
02:24:45.000 We're going to present you with that belt in the moment.
02:24:46.000 Where's the belt?
02:24:46.000 We're going to get that in the moment.
02:24:47.000 It's over there on the stack of weed.
02:24:49.000 I would like to say.
02:24:50.000 Stack of weed?
02:24:51.000 It's the Pulp Fiction box of weed.
02:24:53.000 Go to my Instagram for more details.
02:24:55.000 Okay, actually, let's present the belt.
02:24:57.000 No, not the Pulp Fiction.
02:24:57.000 It's more like Creepshow.
02:24:59.000 Let's present the belt.
02:24:59.000 Werewolf that lives under the stairs.
02:25:01.000 Creepshow is the perfect analogy.
02:25:03.000 That's it. 1.00
02:25:04.000 That's the goddamn crate. 1.00
02:25:05.000 That's the crate of Creepshow. 1.00
02:25:07.000 Goddammit, I wanted this belt so bad. 0.86
02:25:10.000 Ladies and gentlemen, be one of three people to present this belt.
02:25:16.000 Thank you very much. 0.98
02:25:16.000 This was fucking crazy, by the way. 0.98
02:25:20.000 The fact that we actually did this was nuts. 0.99
02:25:22.000 Nuts.
02:25:23.000 And I would like to say, on behalf of me, one of the three non-winners, I won't say losers, of the Sober October Fitness Challenge, Joe Rogan, much like Jesus before him, Where there was nothing and then there was winning.
02:25:40.000 Joe Rogan, you have achieved.
02:25:44.000 Champion of Sober October Physical Challenge.
02:25:47.000 I, Ari Shaffir, present to you, Joe Rogan.
02:25:53.000 This belt saying, you are the champion of Sober October.
02:25:58.000 Thank you, Ari.
02:25:59.000 I just want to stay, for the record, I was most impressed by you, and that if you had been exercising as long as I, I probably would have died trying to defeat you.
02:26:08.000 Great job, Joe Rogan.
02:26:09.000 Tom Segura.
02:26:11.000 Yes, sir.
02:26:12.000 I was very impressed.
02:26:13.000 Come on over.
02:26:13.000 Help me present the belt.
02:26:14.000 Well, look, it's already on.
02:26:16.000 I'll just say this.
02:26:17.000 Joe, you showed us definitely what time it was.
02:26:20.000 It was all about second place.
02:26:22.000 And Ari, you definitely got that.
02:26:24.000 So congratulations to you, Ari.
02:26:26.000 But Joe, you're in better...
02:26:29.000 Here's a huge shocker.
02:26:30.000 You're in better shape than the three of us.
02:26:34.000 I think that had a factor that was certainly a part of it.
02:26:37.000 How much energy you could put out.
02:26:39.000 We all put in though, man.
02:26:40.000 We all worked our ass off.
02:26:41.000 But it ultimately is about TRT. Is that tight enough?
02:26:43.000 Or not even?
02:26:44.000 TRT? This is like an advertisement for TRT. At some point we're like, hey, it really does go to show you that steroids can help in athletic challenges.
02:26:55.000 This is why it's illegal.
02:26:56.000 They have chemicals now.
02:26:58.000 You've had doctors tell you, get on it?
02:27:01.000 Oh, 100%.
02:27:02.000 Yeah, I've had several.
02:27:06.000 There's a certain point you cross over as a person where you go, how much time do I have left?
02:27:13.000 Do I have 40 years left?
02:27:15.000 Do I have 50 years?
02:27:16.000 Wait, when did you first have that thought?
02:27:18.000 I mean, I know you can have it many times, but let's say when you took it seriously.
02:27:23.000 30-something?
02:27:24.000 When I was in my 30s, I would see my body not responding as well.
02:27:28.000 And I was like, ooh, where's this going?
02:27:31.000 That was when I really started thinking about it.
02:27:33.000 About hormones?
02:27:34.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:27:35.000 Because I started seeing, like, I was working out really hard.
02:27:39.000 And as a boxing fan, I always knew when a really good boxer got into their 30s, you had to keep an eye on them.
02:27:48.000 They might sour instantly.
02:27:50.000 Yeah.
02:27:50.000 They might get knocked out all of a sudden and they couldn't take a punch anymore.
02:27:54.000 There was this guy named Doug DeWitt.
02:27:56.000 He was like this badass middleweight.
02:27:58.000 He just could take a punch like nobody else, man.
02:28:01.000 It was crazy.
02:28:02.000 Like this guy could just bang on the chin and people would be freaking out.
02:28:06.000 Like, how does this guy take punches like this?
02:28:08.000 And then one day he couldn't take them anymore.
02:28:11.000 It was a cumulative effect of all the punches landed, but it was also age.
02:28:16.000 Like, almost all of the great champions, they get into their 30s, and they just fall, like, they start to slide.
02:28:22.000 Were you freaked out?
02:28:23.000 I mean, at the, or, I don't know, how much did you question hormone replacement or anything like that?
02:28:29.000 Like, did you freak out about the thought of it?
02:28:32.000 No, I didn't freak out about it.
02:28:33.000 I just wanted to see, like, what do smart people who study that think?
02:28:37.000 Like, what do they think?
02:28:38.000 And they were all...
02:28:39.000 How was it?
02:28:40.000 They were all like, there's a bunch of things you can do.
02:28:42.000 Like, this is like...
02:28:43.000 And we talked about this when we were talking about...
02:28:48.000 If you've got a good doctor, they're not going to just put you on any kind of hormone replacement first.
02:28:54.000 The first thing they're going to do is exercise you.
02:28:57.000 They're going to check your blood.
02:28:59.000 They're going to check your vitamin levels.
02:29:01.000 They're going to ask you what you eat, how much do you sleep, how stressful is your life.
02:29:06.000 They're going to try to sort things out that way first.
02:29:08.000 That way your body is at a more optimum level.
02:29:12.000 And for a lot of people, that's all they need.
02:29:14.000 They just need more sleep.
02:29:17.000 Less sugar.
02:29:18.000 Less processed foods.
02:29:20.000 Do a little weight lifting.
02:29:22.000 Do some squats and dead lifts.
02:29:24.000 Things that boost your testosterone.
02:29:26.000 And maybe you're 34 but you're just tired after work. 1.00
02:29:29.000 And you can kick that shit back into gear. 1.00
02:29:30.000 Cut out the milkshakes and all the bullshit. 1.00
02:29:33.000 You could probably kick it into gear. 0.99
02:29:35.000 But then there's guys that are like 49, 50, 51, 57. And they're just fucking tired. 0.99
02:29:43.000 They're just tired. 0.99
02:29:44.000 And they go, here's your options.
02:29:47.000 You can keep being tired, or you can get your testosterone replaced, and you're not as tired anymore.
02:29:53.000 You feel like a person.
02:29:54.000 You feel like an actual person, not like a decaying person.
02:29:58.000 Because that's a lot of what makes you feel like a decaying person, is the body's lack of production of hormones.
02:30:04.000 And this is what's really important.
02:30:08.000 They think this is the case with a lot of people that have had head injuries.
02:30:11.000 They think this is a key factor in depression.
02:30:14.000 For people that have been in car accidents, people that have been beat up, people that have had a lot of head injuries, your body stops producing a lot of your hormones correctly because your pituitary gland gets damaged.
02:30:28.000 So for all those reasons, like, at a certain point in time, whether it's 50 or 60 or 70 or 80, you gotta, one, accept your mortality, and two, accept the idea that there are certain things that have been discovered scientifically that can enhance the time that you have left.
02:30:45.000 Right.
02:30:46.000 So you either, you either, like...
02:30:50.000 Dive into them and listen to science and experiment, trying to figure out what works best for you or you don't.
02:30:57.000 It's up to you.
02:30:58.000 This month was a real introspection into that.
02:31:02.000 Like watching, I literally was like, I was like, man...
02:31:07.000 I think my lifestyle, there's a lot of things I could fix before I added things, you know?
02:31:11.000 You know what I mean?
02:31:13.000 Like get off blood pressure medicine and drink less.
02:31:15.000 That's huge, Bert.
02:31:15.000 All that stuff is huge.
02:31:17.000 A good ethical...
02:31:20.000 A really ethical doctor would go to that immediately.
02:31:24.000 That would be the first thing they would go to. 0.99
02:31:26.000 They would say, you gotta just fix that because, listen, you ran a fucking marathon, man. 1.00
02:31:30.000 That's crazy. 1.00
02:31:31.000 Yeah, it's not like you're a loser. 1.00
02:31:33.000 You're a fucking guy with an iron will. 1.00
02:31:35.000 You figured out a way to run a marathon with very little training, you know? 1.00
02:31:40.000 And then you did, what was that stupid Spartan race thing? 1.00
02:31:42.000 I shouldn't say stupid. 1.00
02:31:44.000 Ridiculous. 1.00
02:31:45.000 The Spartan race, yeah. 1.00
02:31:47.000 Running around throwing fucking sandbags and shit. 1.00
02:31:49.000 Like, what are you doing? 1.00
02:31:50.000 Yeah.
02:31:50.000 Yeah.
02:31:51.000 Like, you do a lot of shit, man. 1.00
02:31:53.000 I like those things. 1.00
02:31:54.000 I think I'm very goal-oriented.
02:31:56.000 Like, if I set a goal and I do go, oh, I got that coming up, I think it helps me.
02:32:00.000 I'm not the kind of person that you just kind of float in the water and not know what I'm doing.
02:32:04.000 I think it helps everybody.
02:32:06.000 We're just unnerved by the expectations of any kind of challenges that we subscribe to.
02:32:12.000 We just decide, okay, we're all going to agree. 0.98
02:32:14.000 The whole month of October, we're just going to go crazy and do cardio five hours a fucking day and try to kill each other. 0.99
02:32:21.000 Okay. 0.99
02:32:22.000 You kept pushing against each other.
02:32:23.000 Okay.
02:32:24.000 It was great.
02:32:24.000 It was great.
02:32:25.000 It was great.
02:32:26.000 It was great.
02:32:27.000 If everyone just did 100 a day, I could have done 110 in one.
02:32:31.000 Surfing.
02:32:31.000 Surfing is going to make us so much fun.
02:32:33.000 Surfing would be really Did you discover anything through your sobriety?
02:32:38.000 No.
02:32:38.000 Here's what I discovered.
02:32:40.000 The sobriety thing is good.
02:32:42.000 It's good to clean out the pipes, but what's more important is understanding how different everything feels when you work out for four hours or whatever it was, the average day.
02:32:54.000 If you looked at the whole month, I probably worked out four hours every day.
02:32:59.000 I mean, I probably did.
02:33:01.000 There was a lot of five and a half hour days.
02:33:03.000 There was quite a few three hour sessions followed by three hour sessions at night. 0.92
02:33:10.000 You did a lot of weights also, which didn't give you much points, but gave you like fucking tons of time. 0.62
02:33:15.000 Well, for me, it wasn't even that. 0.81
02:33:17.000 It was like, I just have to mix it up or I'll go crazy.
02:33:20.000 Yeah, there were times at the end of a workout too where I'd be like, I don't care if it's not important. 0.97
02:33:24.000 I want to do fucking something else. 0.93
02:33:25.000 I want to do some weights. 0.98
02:33:26.000 It was a thing where I was in this weird high state, this weird post-long workout high state, and I just wanted to keep it going. 0.77
02:33:37.000 I just wanted to keep flowing and relaxing while I was lifting weights and doing kettlebell swings and shit.
02:33:45.000 I just wanted to do something else. 0.95
02:33:47.000 I wanted to do chin-ups.
02:33:48.000 I wanted to do something that was just moving my body, almost as if I was cooling it down after all that exercise.
02:33:56.000 It was bananas, man. 0.99
02:33:58.000 After it was over, I was like, what the fuck happened? 0.99
02:34:00.000 What did we do? 0.99
02:34:01.000 It was like we got possessed by a wizard's spell, and all of a sudden we're trying...
02:34:06.000 What did we do? 0.99
02:34:07.000 We hit 0.1% of all the people using this fucking thing. 0.99
02:34:13.000 I went down to that fucking gym, and I was like, hey, I want to sign up for whatever. 0.99
02:34:16.000 He goes, well, here are our things. 0.99
02:34:17.000 I'm like, I'm just going to start working out right now, so...
02:34:20.000 Log me in however you need to.
02:34:22.000 I'm just going to start working out.
02:34:23.000 I've got to keep doing this for a while.
02:34:24.000 But do you know how nuts it is that four middle-aged comedians hit 0.1%?
02:34:30.000 Three of them obese. 0.98
02:34:31.000 I'm obese according to all their ridiculous metrics. 0.97
02:34:39.000 Well, that is nuts that we worked that hard. 0.98
02:34:42.000 We worked so hard!
02:34:43.000 I can't believe it, man.
02:34:44.000 Dude, when I saw that thing of you running in the hills, saying that you were going to double me, that's all I needed. 1.00
02:34:50.000 Oh, you fucking idiots. 1.00
02:34:51.000 I was like, this is the day of death. 1.00
02:34:53.000 But don't you want to tug on the tiger's tail?
02:34:56.000 Do you want to tug on the dog's tail?
02:34:59.000 This is the day of death!
02:34:59.000 I'm like, we're going to go down the dark road, Bert Kreischer.
02:35:03.000 So there was a thing, there was a thing.
02:35:04.000 When Tommy comes back, you've got to play the Nicky Glazer clip.
02:35:09.000 It's just...
02:35:09.000 I guarantee you it's on my Instagram.
02:35:13.000 It helped me to have you around.
02:35:14.000 Yeah.
02:35:15.000 When Tom got 600, dude, so me and Bert, when he got sick, it was like, okay, cool, he's done.
02:35:19.000 We both separate ourselves from him by about 700. And then we're like...
02:35:24.000 Hey, we talked.
02:35:25.000 We were like, looks like Tom's out, pretty much.
02:35:27.000 We were like, looks like Tom's out.
02:35:29.000 It was like, yeah, that's cool, so we're not coming last.
02:35:30.000 Because that was a big fear.
02:35:31.000 And then you said, you're like, yeah, I'm still going to try to beat you, though. 0.98
02:35:34.000 I'm like, yeah, I mean, good luck, but you're not going to fucking do it. 0.97
02:35:37.000 And it was just like, oh, okay, we're still going to go on. 0.99
02:35:39.000 It's still going to go on with the fucking challenge. 0.91
02:35:41.000 Dude, I have to pay more compliments than anything in this because Ari Shafir, you really changed my perspective of working out, like of going the way I go. 0.96
02:35:53.000 If I get in a spin class and they go, alright, stay out of the saddle and you're paddling, I go, Ari would be still out right now. 1.00
02:36:00.000 Like, that's the way your brain works.
02:36:02.000 It's different, man.
02:36:03.000 It's a brain function.
02:36:03.000 I surprised you guys with yoga, too.
02:36:04.000 They're like, you guys do all the poses?
02:36:06.000 I'm like, yeah, I do all the poses. 1.00
02:36:07.000 I'm on fucking fat legs. 1.00
02:36:08.000 Get my fucking feet around each other. 1.00
02:36:10.000 It's the way a person's brain works. 1.00
02:36:12.000 I have fat legs. 1.00
02:36:12.000 Can't do that shit. 1.00
02:36:14.000 Yeah, I just never do it normally. 1.00
02:36:16.000 I'll tell you, the reason why I knew- I thought you were dead last for sure.
02:36:21.000 Did you really think you were?
02:36:22.000 For sure!
02:36:23.000 I was already thinking, let's cheat.
02:36:25.000 Let's pay people to do workouts for me. 0.80
02:36:27.000 I knew two things were going on.
02:36:29.000 One, Tom had been exercising on a regular basis, and even though he might have carried a little bit of body fat, he's actually a fit, strong guy with a strong mind.
02:36:37.000 I also knew that Ari swept me one time. 1.00
02:36:42.000 That motherfucker. 1.00
02:36:43.000 I was on top of him. 1.00
02:36:44.000 I was a brown belt.
02:36:45.000 He's a white belt.
02:36:47.000 Once in a while. 0.99
02:36:48.000 Had me on my motherfucking back. 1.00
02:36:49.000 I was like, oh, bitch. 1.00
02:36:51.000 I thought it was over. 1.00
02:36:52.000 I honestly was mad at you guys when you were like, we're going to Vegas.
02:36:54.000 First class on the thing.
02:36:55.000 I was almost going to be like, just to ruin it for you.
02:36:57.000 I'm like, okay, cool.
02:36:58.000 Just write a check.
02:36:59.000 Tell me where to write the check right now. 1.00
02:37:00.000 I'm not doing your fucking stupid thing. 1.00
02:37:02.000 Listen. 1.00
02:37:03.000 Ari tried to kill me with his bare hands. 1.00
02:37:05.000 He was trying to kill me. 0.99
02:37:07.000 He was trying to choke my neck. 0.92
02:37:08.000 Can I just say?
02:37:09.000 I know, Ari.
02:37:11.000 Now that we've done this, and to reward ourselves, I say, why don't we do something that would be fun?
02:37:17.000 I love this idea already.
02:37:19.000 For all of us.
02:37:20.000 Surfing until someone dies.
02:37:22.000 No, I mean as a reward, going to Vegas at a boxing fight would be fun.
02:37:27.000 Yeah?
02:37:28.000 Okay. 0.95
02:37:28.000 Watching any of you die surfing would be the most fun. 0.95
02:37:32.000 Okay.
02:37:32.000 You have decreased the level of happiness I have with my life.
02:37:36.000 There's no doubt about it.
02:37:38.000 Any sort of metrics show you.
02:37:40.000 How much happier would you be if it was Bert dying?
02:37:42.000 Increase the level of happiness.
02:37:45.000 You can't deny that you are very proud of yourself for your performance this month.
02:37:50.000 Because in my opinion, and I'm being 100% objective, your performance was the most impressive.
02:37:57.000 It was surprising, for sure.
02:37:58.000 You didn't exercise at all.
02:37:59.000 At all.
02:38:00.000 I thought so, too.
02:38:00.000 I've never not exercised.
02:38:02.000 I've been exercising my whole life.
02:38:04.000 When I saw you, just all of a sudden...
02:38:07.000 Thank you.
02:38:07.000 I appreciate that.
02:38:08.000 You did 479 points one day.
02:38:10.000 Yeah, I did a bunch. 0.99
02:38:11.000 Tom showed me a 630 or something, and I was like, what the fuck? 0.99
02:38:15.000 And when he caught right up, and I was like, oh, fuck, I was ready to coast. 0.99
02:38:18.000 Because I had already given up. 0.99
02:38:19.000 I saw a marathon one time where a guy went the wrong way.
02:38:23.000 He was in the lead, or neck and neck with the guy, went the wrong way.
02:38:25.000 Everyone had to say, no, no, no, you're going the wrong way.
02:38:27.000 This is the last, like, 300 meters. 0.99
02:38:30.000 And then he's like, oh, fuck, maybe a mile, you know? 0.99
02:38:32.000 And he had to, like, come all the way back and then try to catch up. 0.99
02:38:36.000 But that wasted space that late, and he started sprinting, and he sprinted right back to that other guy, who was already in first place. 0.99
02:38:42.000 Because he fucking dug down deep. 0.87
02:38:44.000 I was ready to coast, and then when you started winning, I was like, oh no, I'm done. 0.99
02:38:50.000 And then I was like, yeah, I can do this.
02:38:52.000 Wow.
02:38:53.000 I'm pretty high, too.
02:38:54.000 Yeah.
02:38:55.000 Can I just say, though, instead of a boxing match, which I find boring, I'll be honest with you guys, I get it.
02:39:00.000 What do you like?
02:39:01.000 I get it why I understand where you come from.
02:39:03.000 Okay, what do you like?
02:39:04.000 Let's go see kickboxing.
02:39:08.000 Yes.
02:39:09.000 Kickboxing.
02:39:10.000 Let's go see kickboxing.
02:39:11.000 Is that what you wanted to say?
02:39:14.000 Yes.
02:39:14.000 That's what you were leaning towards.
02:39:16.000 Kickboxing.
02:39:16.000 Yeah.
02:39:17.000 Kickboxing.
02:39:18.000 Let's go see some Muay Thai.
02:39:19.000 We go to Chiang Mai, Thailand.
02:39:21.000 Oh, you want to go to Thailand?
02:39:23.000 Yes.
02:39:23.000 And we go see some kickboxing.
02:39:25.000 We can have cigars.
02:39:26.000 We can be in anonymity.
02:39:27.000 We can just be regular people.
02:39:29.000 Go to Chiang Mai.
02:39:31.000 Go to a couple kickboxing fights.
02:39:33.000 Walk around in sandals for a few days and we're back in no time.
02:39:37.000 Leave on a Monday, we're back on a Friday.
02:39:39.000 What if I wear Uggs? 1.00
02:39:40.000 Yeah, man, I wanna wear fucking boots. 1.00
02:39:42.000 I'm into Uggs, bro. 1.00
02:39:43.000 I like this.
02:39:44.000 We ate some Thai food.
02:39:45.000 We stayed out of Bangkok.
02:39:46.000 How long we staying? 1.00
02:39:47.000 Motherfucker works for Thai Airlines. 1.00
02:39:49.000 Leave and back in four or five days. 1.00
02:39:51.000 Four days tops.
02:39:51.000 I'm saying leave on a Monday, we're back on a Friday so you can go to your next...
02:39:54.000 You don't have to take off a gig if you don't want.
02:39:57.000 Interesting.
02:39:58.000 Go see some fights, have cigars, some Chang beer...
02:40:02.000 I like this idea a lot.
02:40:04.000 I really do like this idea.
02:40:05.000 Get drunk, walk around the streets.
02:40:08.000 Have a good time.
02:40:11.000 This is after surf week.
02:40:12.000 This is way before surf week.
02:40:14.000 Surf month, you mean.
02:40:15.000 We sound like rich kids planning out their summer. 0.99
02:40:17.000 It's going to be a fucking surf travel. 0.99
02:40:20.000 What is that called? 0.99
02:40:21.000 Do you think you'll be good at it?
02:40:22.000 Surf ride?
02:40:23.000 Surf safari?
02:40:24.000 I don't know.
02:40:24.000 I really don't know.
02:40:25.000 I've never done it.
02:40:27.000 When I first started doing yoga, I was amazed at how shitty I was at it.
02:40:30.000 I was surprised. 0.78
02:40:33.000 I didn't think I would be good at it, and I was worse at it than I thought.
02:40:35.000 At what?
02:40:35.000 Surfing?
02:40:36.000 No, yoga.
02:40:36.000 Yoga.
02:40:37.000 Oh, yeah.
02:40:37.000 Yeah.
02:40:38.000 Clip with Nikki.
02:40:40.000 What does it say?
02:40:41.000 I'll take it.
02:40:44.000 We haven't totally determined what the loser has to do. 0.99
02:40:48.000 Ari wants us to drink each other's piss. 1.00
02:40:51.000 He wants to drink your piss. 0.99
02:40:53.000 That's what Ari wants to do. 1.00
02:40:55.000 He's going to lose!
02:40:57.000 He might not lose.
02:40:58.000 Right now Tom Segura is in the bottom.
02:41:00.000 Tom Segura is at the bottom.
02:41:01.000 I think Tom...
02:41:04.000 I mean, you're obviously set to win this thing, but I think Tom's going to sneak up.
02:41:09.000 He's playing it down.
02:41:10.000 You looked at his wrist yesterday, you go, what's a thousand something?
02:41:14.000 Oh, that's nothing.
02:41:15.000 Just the calories he burned that day, a thousand?
02:41:18.000 Tom's sneaky.
02:41:20.000 Yeah, a lot of people feel like that.
02:41:21.000 I really think he's going to do something on this.
02:41:24.000 He's going to be the one to beat.
02:41:26.000 You gotta realize, though, Bert ran a marathon.
02:41:28.000 He did run a marathon.
02:41:29.000 Yeah, he ran a marathon.
02:41:30.000 This is fun, I have to say.
02:41:33.000 Any one of you could pull ahead.
02:41:36.000 Can we talk about what you did yesterday?
02:41:39.000 Yeah, I worked out for three hours and 20 minutes.
02:41:41.000 I'm trying to double everyone.
02:41:43.000 Yeah.
02:41:44.000 I'm trying to break Bert's will.
02:41:46.000 That's what I'm really trying to do. 0.99
02:41:48.000 He talks all this Mickey Mantle Jean shit. 1.00
02:41:50.000 I'm like, motherfucker, I'm crazy. 1.00
02:41:52.000 You don't understand? 1.00
02:41:53.000 I will work out twice a day like that. 1.00
02:41:55.000 I will try to give you a fucking heart attack, you fat fuck. 1.00
02:42:00.000 You will, too. 1.00
02:42:01.000 You'll kill him. 1.00
02:42:03.000 You could kill him. 1.00
02:42:03.000 I just don't know if he's gonna... 1.00
02:42:04.000 I don't know how long he's gonna keep it up.
02:42:07.000 Burt's very competitive up to a point.
02:42:09.000 Like with the weight loss challenge.
02:42:12.000 Tom stayed steady.
02:42:14.000 And Tom won in the end.
02:42:15.000 But Burt tried.
02:42:17.000 He tried to sprint towards the end.
02:42:19.000 But it was too little too late. 1.00
02:42:20.000 And Tom was talking shit the entire time. 0.99
02:42:22.000 Like, I know what you're gonna do. 1.00
02:42:23.000 You're gonna fuck off until the very end. 1.00
02:42:24.000 Then you're gonna try to catch up. 1.00
02:42:26.000 But it's gonna be too late.
02:42:26.000 And he was right.
02:42:27.000 Yep.
02:42:28.000 Burt...
02:42:30.000 I don't know if Bert's will can be broken.
02:42:32.000 Has it been broken before?
02:42:33.000 It never has been.
02:42:35.000 Well, it's not his will.
02:42:37.000 It's the discipline aspect.
02:42:39.000 See, when you're dealing with an entire month, you have 31 days of having to get after it.
02:42:46.000 So how often do you get after it normally?
02:42:48.000 See, that's the thing.
02:42:49.000 The difference between me and Bert is I work out almost every day already.
02:42:54.000 So for me, it's just like those days off don't exist anymore.
02:42:57.000 So what I've decided to do on my days off is just do shit that I wouldn't normally do.
02:43:01.000 So I'll do the elliptical machine for two hours, or I'll do something else. 0.95
02:43:05.000 I'll do something else.
02:43:07.000 But the whole time I'm thinking, I'm going to break Bert.
02:43:10.000 I'm gonna break Burt.
02:43:12.000 You guys were talking about who you think about when you're really trying to get past that point where you're either you're kickboxing or even on an elliptical.
02:43:24.000 Sometimes you gotta get angry.
02:43:26.000 Yeah.
02:43:26.000 And you think of Burt.
02:43:28.000 Right now you're thinking of Burt.
02:43:30.000 I'm thinking of Burt.
02:43:31.000 Breaking Burt.
02:43:31.000 Breaking his will.
02:43:33.000 You guys are all addicts in different ways.
02:43:37.000 And this is so interesting to watch because you're right.
02:43:40.000 You already work out a lot.
02:43:43.000 You're an extremely healthy guy, but you're now going to take it.
02:43:47.000 I can see the excitement on all of you to take this to just an excruciating level.
02:43:53.000 Because it gets obsessive and it gets fun.
02:43:56.000 But that's the thing.
02:43:57.000 I'm excited to talk to you at the beginning of this when you're still pumped up about it.
02:44:01.000 And it's like you get a high from working out for three and a half hours a day.
02:44:05.000 Seventeen days from now, I'm going to be a beaten man.
02:44:07.000 Yeah, you are.
02:44:08.000 You're not going to get a surge at the end when it gets close again, but 17 days, you're right.
02:44:12.000 That's not going to be a fun day for you.
02:44:14.000 Yeah.
02:44:14.000 Well, I don't know.
02:44:15.000 Who knows?
02:44:16.000 You know, did you ever see there's a really interesting doll that's like Kung Fu?
02:44:20.000 Yeah, it's weird.
02:44:21.000 How do you feel now?
02:44:22.000 That's just hilarious, man.
02:44:25.000 Physically?
02:44:25.000 Do you feel like you broke me?
02:44:27.000 No.
02:44:28.000 He didn't break you.
02:44:29.000 Did you feel like you did your best?
02:44:30.000 You did your best. 1.00
02:44:31.000 We talked a lot of crazy shit. 1.00
02:44:32.000 Why did you talk shit, Bird? 1.00
02:44:34.000 I like talking shit. 1.00
02:44:34.000 That's who Bird is. 1.00
02:44:37.000 Fuck that. 1.00
02:44:38.000 It's good for everybody. 1.00
02:44:39.000 It's who Bird is, though. 1.00
02:44:40.000 There are guys who like to talk shit, and there's guys that don't like to talk shit. 1.00
02:44:42.000 Listen, I don't feel bad that you talk shit. 1.00
02:44:44.000 I'm happy that you talk shit. 1.00
02:44:46.000 It was fun. 1.00
02:44:47.000 It was fun.
02:44:48.000 It's scary. 1.00
02:44:49.000 You should talk shit to yourself. 0.99
02:44:50.000 I didn't, but I didn't think that it would go where it went in terms of how much time every day I was working out. 1.00
02:44:59.000 I never thought it would really get to that.
02:45:01.000 It was crazy.
02:45:02.000 It was crazy.
02:45:03.000 I thought in the beginning we would all just have some fun, work out an hour a day, and it would be competitive.
02:45:08.000 And see whose number was higher.
02:45:10.000 Yeah, it would be like real close.
02:45:12.000 Oh, no, no, no, no.
02:45:13.000 And everybody, I figured, Tommy and I, we talked about it.
02:45:15.000 We're like, everybody, the last week's going to sprint.
02:45:18.000 Yeah.
02:45:19.000 Right?
02:45:19.000 Yeah, of course.
02:45:20.000 I thought that was definitely going to happen. 0.99
02:45:21.000 Bert, then you made that video and I was like, damn. 0.97
02:45:23.000 Which video? 0.99
02:45:24.000 Which video?
02:45:24.000 I don't know.
02:45:25.000 When you said you would double me, I was like, I'm going to take you.
02:45:27.000 That was the one with me and my dog.
02:45:29.000 No, there was another one before that. 0.99
02:45:30.000 I talked to Rogan here and he was like, fucking Bert. 0.99
02:45:33.000 Where do I put this belt? 0.99
02:45:35.000 He's got to come in last.
02:45:36.000 I was like, oh.
02:45:38.000 Wait, hold on, hold on.
02:45:39.000 You know for a fact that I made those videos out of love, right?
02:45:42.000 Oh, I understand.
02:45:43.000 But I didn't, listen, I believe that right now, but it doesn't help me to believe that back then.
02:45:51.000 You don't understand?
02:45:51.000 Yeah, you gotta be angry.
02:45:52.000 If you say something like that, even if you don't mean it, you said it, and I don't have to get mad at you, but I have to at least acknowledge there's a transference of energy.
02:46:01.000 Right now.
02:46:02.000 I don't want to call it anger. 0.99
02:46:03.000 It makes me want to make sure that you don't ever fucking win this thing. 0.99
02:46:07.000 There's no way. 0.99
02:46:08.000 We're going to go down the dark road, bro.
02:46:12.000 Wait, hold on.
02:46:13.000 We're going down the dark road, bro.
02:46:15.000 This is the difference.
02:46:17.000 Let's not forget about that.
02:46:18.000 This is the difference between high performers.
02:46:21.000 Wait, hold on.
02:46:22.000 Did you all recognize this?
02:46:25.000 I picked up on it pretty quickly.
02:46:27.000 Are you serious?
02:46:28.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:46:29.000 The Mickey Mantle gene. 1.00
02:46:30.000 Fuck that shit. 1.00
02:46:31.000 I knew we were done pretty quickly. 1.00
02:46:32.000 You knew what?
02:46:33.000 I knew we were done pretty quickly.
02:46:35.000 We were done.
02:46:36.000 I knew that when he was saying...
02:46:39.000 Even though I 100% understood his joke, that he's like, whatever Joe does, I'm going to do double of. 1.00
02:46:46.000 You fucked us. 1.00
02:46:48.000 You fucked us. 1.00
02:46:48.000 I knew that he would interpret that in a competitive way. 1.00
02:46:51.000 Like, he would use it.
02:46:52.000 Are you serious right now?
02:46:52.000 Hey, Joe, you should do your regular workout and see if you can still beat us.
02:46:55.000 I'm like, yeah, yeah.
02:46:56.000 Hold on.
02:46:57.000 Not negative.
02:46:57.000 Not negative.
02:46:59.000 Not like I don't like you or you don't like me.
02:47:01.000 I see what you're saying.
02:47:02.000 I see what you're saying.
02:47:03.000 If you really say, I'm going to double everything Joe does, I'm like, you're Joe's not going to let that happen.
02:47:09.000 I realize that right now.
02:47:11.000 I realize that right now.
02:47:11.000 Not only is it not going to happen, but you gave me...
02:47:14.000 I don't have to interpret it any further.
02:47:15.000 You gave him the win.
02:47:16.000 You gave me a thought in my head that you're going to try to do that.
02:47:21.000 His daughter is now calling the cable guy daddy because he's been gone so long working out.
02:47:26.000 I don't need...
02:47:27.000 She has no memory of him because you had to say, I'm going to double you.
02:47:31.000 Yeah, I knew that.
02:47:32.000 I don't need to know if you're being honest.
02:47:35.000 That's not necessary for me.
02:47:37.000 All I need to know...
02:47:39.000 I pushed that aside.
02:47:40.000 I need to know that you think that you are going to do that.
02:47:44.000 You think you're going to do that.
02:47:45.000 Oh my god.
02:47:45.000 Oh my god.
02:47:46.000 Even though you really know that he doesn't think he can do that.
02:47:50.000 100%.
02:47:50.000 100%.
02:47:50.000 But fuck him.
02:47:51.000 He can't allow it. 1.00
02:47:52.000 You can't allow it.
02:47:53.000 I'm not going to allow that.
02:47:54.000 I'm going to put some blinders on.
02:47:55.000 You knew I wasn't meeting you.
02:47:57.000 It doesn't matter.
02:47:58.000 You can't take a chance.
02:47:59.000 We're gonna go through the darkness.
02:48:02.000 Can I just say this?
02:48:04.000 That we all use Bert as a motivation.
02:48:06.000 Like, I don't want him to beat me.
02:48:08.000 Every single one of you use me.
02:48:10.000 But let's not get lost in this.
02:48:12.000 You gotta understand, I got...
02:48:14.000 Real, real serious anxiety.
02:48:17.000 When you got sick?
02:48:18.000 No.
02:48:19.000 When I realized I could recover.
02:48:22.000 When I realized I could recover.
02:48:24.000 If I got worse, I'd be like, I'm super sick.
02:48:27.000 But when I realized I was getting better, and I thought I might lose, I got real anxiety about it.
02:48:34.000 Yeah, I got super nervous.
02:48:37.000 You went the same as me, just don't come in last.
02:48:40.000 It's about losing to Bert.
02:48:41.000 Second would be nice, but third would be terrible.
02:48:44.000 What kills me is that, what?
02:48:46.000 You put a video out?
02:48:48.000 Was that what it was?
02:48:50.000 Or was it a Twitter post? 1.00
02:48:52.000 You fucking idiot. 1.00
02:48:53.000 Early, it was like, where do I put the belt? 1.00
02:48:57.000 Yeah, of course.
02:48:57.000 Guys, guys, guys.
02:48:59.000 I want to just be very, very clear.
02:49:01.000 Very clear.
02:49:02.000 I did not enter this contest to lose.
02:49:05.000 I didn't think I was coming in. 1.00
02:49:06.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00
02:49:07.000 There it is. 1.00
02:49:08.000 Oh, what a gross fake boutique. 1.00
02:49:10.000 Was that now or before? 0.97
02:49:11.000 I don't know.
02:49:12.000 And we also have a fitness aspect.
02:49:14.000 That's right.
02:49:15.000 I'm challenging those gentlemen in fitness, and I'm going to beat them at their own game.
02:49:18.000 And it starts...
02:49:19.000 You're a good host.
02:49:20.000 We're getting a brand new Porsche.
02:49:21.000 Pete, what do we got here?
02:49:22.000 We got a 1992 Porsche 911 RWB, hand-built by Nakai.
02:49:27.000 Which one are you, Bert?
02:49:29.000 The guy who doesn't have any clothes on. 1.00
02:49:31.000 Flip-flops and shit. 0.99
02:49:33.000 I'll take it. 1.00
02:49:34.000 Dude, you should take that car.
02:49:35.000 You bought that Porsche?
02:49:36.000 Remember, watch my question.
02:49:38.000 That's so expensive.
02:49:39.000 That's it?
02:49:39.000 How much was it?
02:49:40.000 Delia hit me up and was like, did you buy it, man?
02:49:42.000 Congrats.
02:49:42.000 Dude, that's a dope car.
02:49:44.000 It's like $420,000, I think.
02:49:46.000 $420,000?
02:49:46.000 Yeah.
02:49:47.000 I did talk shit, though, bro. 0.99
02:49:49.000 Hey, hold on. 1.00
02:49:49.000 Hold on, for real. 1.00
02:49:51.000 You talk too much shit, Bert. 1.00
02:49:52.000 No, I won't stop ever, ever, ever in my life. 1.00
02:49:55.000 Of course not.
02:49:56.000 I'm one guy, I'm one guy.
02:49:57.000 I don't want you to.
02:49:58.000 I want you to be yourself.
02:50:00.000 Yeah.
02:50:01.000 It was fun, dude.
02:50:02.000 It was fun.
02:50:03.000 It was fun.
02:50:03.000 Let me tell you something.
02:50:04.000 I think what we're missing, though, is that all of us went to try to make sure you don't beat them.
02:50:10.000 But you...
02:50:13.000 Lost.
02:50:14.000 Yeah, but I lost on purpose.
02:50:16.000 What's that?
02:50:17.000 Did Joey see you at the store that one day?
02:50:19.000 Did you hear about this?
02:50:20.000 When Joey was here on the podcast?
02:50:22.000 Yeah, he called me.
02:50:22.000 Was that you?
02:50:23.000 No, no. 0.50
02:50:24.000 Dog.
02:50:25.000 No.
02:50:26.000 He called me and said, I did a video on Instagram stories.
02:50:29.000 I got recognized.
02:50:30.000 I didn't know the person.
02:50:31.000 They were like, Bert, and tried to tell me a story.
02:50:33.000 Joey saw it and then said that he caught me drinking in a parking lot.
02:50:38.000 But if you saw the stories, you'd know I wasn't drunk.
02:50:40.000 I was stone sober, but yeah.
02:50:42.000 He called me and told me.
02:50:43.000 He's like, I see you drinking, dog.
02:50:45.000 Let me tell you what I love about Joey Diaz.
02:50:49.000 He called and apologized.
02:50:51.000 I didn't notice it, but it got big online.
02:50:54.000 He said something on my podcast, but it was clearly joking.
02:50:57.000 He goes...
02:50:58.000 He's like, I don't know about Bert Kreischer.
02:51:00.000 He goes, I saw him walking on the street.
02:51:01.000 I waved at him.
02:51:02.000 He didn't wave back.
02:51:03.000 Oh, I heard that.
02:51:04.000 I heard that.
02:51:05.000 100% tongue-in-cheek.
02:51:06.000 Yeah.
02:51:07.000 You call Joey now.
02:51:09.000 Trust me on my children.
02:51:10.000 I would never lie to you about any one thing I did.
02:51:12.000 Listen, the last day when I hit you up and I was like, I'm for real out?
02:51:16.000 Yeah.
02:51:16.000 I swear on my children.
02:51:18.000 Dude...
02:51:18.000 I don't lie to my friends.
02:51:20.000 I believe you?
02:51:21.000 No one thinks you lie.
02:51:23.000 You believe me what?
02:51:24.000 You believe in what?
02:51:25.000 I believed him, and there was still a part of my brain that was like...
02:51:28.000 Make sure.
02:51:29.000 I would never do that.
02:51:32.000 It was a separate thought, though.
02:51:36.000 It wasn't that I didn't think you were lying, but I still was like, my brain would not allow me...
02:51:41.000 Yeah.
02:51:42.000 I know you did an extra workout.
02:51:44.000 You did an extra workout I watched.
02:51:47.000 I saw.
02:51:47.000 And I went, I can't believe you didn't believe me.
02:51:49.000 I believed you.
02:51:50.000 I believed you. 1.00
02:51:51.000 I was just like, you can't be so stupid. 1.00
02:51:55.000 To believe him fully. 1.00
02:51:57.000 Kind of.
02:51:58.000 Yeah.
02:51:58.000 I was like, what if...
02:52:00.000 It wasn't that he was lying.
02:52:02.000 No, he sounded so sincere.
02:52:03.000 There were psychological games afoot.
02:52:05.000 It was games, yeah.
02:52:06.000 There was games afoot.
02:52:06.000 I like when Joe was like, wait, Ari, are you just saving up your points and not registering into the system so you can sandbag it?
02:52:12.000 Thank God! 1.00
02:52:12.000 Yes, idiot! 1.00
02:52:13.000 Yes, you fucking idiot! 1.00
02:52:14.000 What did you think I was doing? 1.00
02:52:17.000 Man, but I didn't know what to think.
02:52:20.000 When I spoke to you, I still believed you.
02:52:22.000 Georgia called that morning.
02:52:24.000 There's two...
02:52:26.000 I would never...
02:52:26.000 You know what?
02:52:27.000 I will never make an excuse.
02:52:28.000 Georgia called that morning, and I just got out of spin class, and I was going for a 12-mile run.
02:52:33.000 Oh, yeah.
02:52:33.000 In my head, I was like, I'm set.
02:52:35.000 I'm putting clothes on.
02:52:36.000 Georgia texted and said, Daddy-daughter luncheon at... 1.00
02:52:40.000 or wherever she goes to school.
02:52:43.000 Georgia's telling...
02:52:45.000 Daddy daughter luncheon at like 11. And you need to be there at 9 to help set up.
02:52:49.000 And I was like, fuck. 1.00
02:52:51.000 And in my head, all I did was wantonly wanted Ari's life. 1.00
02:52:55.000 Where I didn't have any responsibility.
02:52:57.000 And I just was like, I was like, I texted everyone.
02:53:00.000 At that moment, I was like, I'm out.
02:53:02.000 I got softball practice and a luncheon.
02:53:06.000 And dude, in the middle of that luncheon, I was like, I could go for a run right now.
02:53:11.000 Like in my head.
02:53:12.000 Dude, this whole thing was psychotic.
02:53:14.000 It was.
02:53:15.000 It made me psychotic.
02:53:16.000 Dude, honestly, I got to the point where I thought about your lives.
02:53:18.000 I was like, wait a minute.
02:53:19.000 I do have more fun at night, usually.
02:53:21.000 But daytime, I have no responsibility.
02:53:24.000 And this is a lot of effort for me to get to this place and do this time.
02:53:28.000 I don't know what you guys go through in order to feel, to take time away to do this.
02:53:34.000 Your life is very different.
02:53:36.000 Well, your kids are at school.
02:53:38.000 Kids are at school.
02:53:38.000 Okay, that makes sense.
02:53:39.000 Well, your kids are at school, you have this open amount of time from 7 a.m.
02:53:42.000 to 4 p.m.
02:53:44.000 or whatever it is after that if it's an unusual guest.
02:53:47.000 And I just schedule everything in there.
02:53:49.000 That's a lot of time, man.
02:53:51.000 Yeah, but I have that time, too.
02:53:52.000 This thing has been nice, Joe.
02:53:53.000 Not 7 a.m., though.
02:53:55.000 That's 10 hours, man.
02:53:57.000 That's a lot of time.
02:53:57.000 Yeah, but you have a gym in your compound.
02:54:00.000 Dude, I was jealous.
02:54:01.000 Joe has a gym in his Porsche.
02:54:03.000 Yes.
02:54:06.000 I can get here and get an hour in before a podcast.
02:54:10.000 No, you did it right, man.
02:54:12.000 But I never thought of it that...
02:54:13.000 I mean, I didn't build this thing so I could win a fitness challenge.
02:54:16.000 It worked.
02:54:18.000 Let's be honest here, just to entertain this thought for a second. 1.00
02:54:20.000 How much of a piece of shit would you feel like if right now you were in second place? 1.00
02:54:26.000 How upset would you be? 1.00
02:54:29.000 I was worried about Ari.
02:54:35.000 Were you really?
02:54:36.000 Were you really?
02:54:37.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:54:37.000 I was worried about him sneaking up on it.
02:54:39.000 When I saw...
02:54:41.000 Yeah, because he's been like the 30th.
02:54:43.000 In the 30th.
02:54:44.000 When I said, no, the very last day, when he had a picture, he said, do you believe in miracles? 0.99
02:54:48.000 I'm like, this motherfucker's storing points. 0.99
02:54:50.000 He's found a way to combine belts. 1.00
02:54:54.000 He's found a way.
02:54:55.000 Do you believe America is just the last 300-point workout I put in?
02:54:59.000 You'd be fired up right now about this, right?
02:55:00.000 A little bit.
02:55:01.000 Well, I would laugh.
02:55:02.000 You would laugh.
02:55:02.000 I would have to be humble.
02:55:03.000 Because here's the deal.
02:55:04.000 If somebody beat me, I almost killed myself.
02:55:10.000 So if you beat me, what did you go through?
02:55:13.000 Yeah.
02:55:13.000 Yeah, I respect all of us.
02:55:15.000 What was your end score?
02:55:17.000 What was your final score?
02:55:19.000 11,000.
02:55:20.000 11,000 something.
02:55:21.000 Isn't it crazy, too?
02:55:22.000 They let us know that you finished 324th, I think?
02:55:26.000 324th in the world.
02:55:29.000 But that means of registered users, 323 other people crushed him, beat him. 0.96
02:55:36.000 There's one that definitely fucking must have lit you up.
02:55:39.000 What was the number one? 0.96
02:55:41.000 Do you know?
02:55:41.000 Like 19,000?
02:55:42.000 They wouldn't tell me.
02:55:43.000 They wouldn't tell you?
02:55:45.000 Why?
02:55:45.000 The MyZones guy said that a lot of these people are fitness instructors.
02:55:49.000 They're doing five, six, even seven Like eight classes a day.
02:55:54.000 Yeah, but they still did it.
02:55:55.000 There's some people out there that are in insane shape.
02:55:58.000 That's amazing.
02:55:59.000 People that make a living.
02:56:00.000 That is amazing. 1.00
02:56:00.000 Imagine teaching six spin classes a fucking day. 1.00
02:56:05.000 They don't do that. 0.99
02:56:06.000 They don't do that, though.
02:56:07.000 Not even the regular person does that.
02:56:09.000 But could they do it if they decided to go from gym to gym?
02:56:13.000 Maybe they'd have to.
02:56:14.000 I don't know.
02:56:15.000 Who would stop them?
02:56:16.000 Who would say, is there like a...
02:56:17.000 You know how they used to have that thing with Oxycontins in Florida where you can get a subscription or prescription from one guy, they go down the road, get another guy.
02:56:25.000 Then they developed a database.
02:56:28.000 Do they have a database on that?
02:56:30.000 On spin classes?
02:56:30.000 I don't know.
02:56:31.000 I want to be a spin teacher so bad.
02:56:33.000 How do they know?
02:56:33.000 I'm spinning too much.
02:56:35.000 Yeah, these people are spinning their ass off. 0.99
02:56:37.000 They wear that chest strap and teach a hundred fucking spin classes a day. 0.99
02:56:40.000 Should we do one more cocktail? 1.00
02:56:43.000 Are we going to eat?
02:56:44.000 We've got to eat after this. 0.99
02:56:46.000 I'm fucking bombed. 0.99
02:56:47.000 I like to drink, but it's 620. We're good. 0.99
02:56:51.000 We're fine.
02:56:51.000 Yeah, we're good.
02:56:53.000 Are we going to dinner?
02:56:55.000 We've got plans, son.
02:56:59.000 Wait, let's just all acknowledge...
02:57:03.000 I cannot drink for a month.
02:57:05.000 Right?
02:57:06.000 What do you mean?
02:57:06.000 When we started this whole thing, everyone thought I couldn't do it.
02:57:09.000 Yeah, two years ago, I didn't think you could get through the month not to be a regular person.
02:57:13.000 What do you think will happen to you on your tour next year?
02:57:16.000 Do you think it'll go well?
02:57:17.000 Jesus, I don't know.
02:57:17.000 I'm saying as far as your late night stuff?
02:57:20.000 I don't know.
02:57:21.000 Yeah, if you have a bus to go back to, maybe you'll not drink as much.
02:57:24.000 My drinking changed a lot.
02:57:28.000 It's been three days or whatever, but just in the things that would trigger me of like, I'm in an airport, I should have a cocktail.
02:57:35.000 I can totally fly sober.
02:57:38.000 I don't know, man.
02:57:39.000 I really don't know.
02:57:40.000 You know me.
02:57:41.000 I'll be really honest.
02:57:42.000 I party hard.
02:57:43.000 Listen, you clearly can take a month off.
02:57:46.000 Definitely.
02:57:46.000 You can do it.
02:57:47.000 And...
02:57:48.000 You know, one of the things that I've been really wrestling with a lot lately, I had this guy Tyson Fury.
02:57:54.000 Do you know who he is?
02:57:55.000 Yeah, of course.
02:57:56.000 He used to be the heavyweight boxing champion of the world.
02:57:59.000 He was about to fight the bronze bomber, right? 0.57
02:58:02.000 Yes.
02:58:03.000 He's about to fight Deontay Wilder.
02:58:04.000 And I had him on the podcast. 0.99
02:58:06.000 He was talking about depression and all the shit that he went through. 0.99
02:58:08.000 And one of the things that he said is that what pulled him out of it was Deontay Wilder said that he was finished. 0.99
02:58:14.000 And he decided he was going to figure out a way to get back. 1.00
02:58:17.000 So he decided to just get his fucking shit together. 1.00
02:58:20.000 And start... 1.00
02:58:20.000 Competition! 1.00
02:58:23.000 Competition!
02:58:23.000 He won the World Heavyweight title, beat Vladimir Klitschko, and then went into a depression.
02:58:28.000 It's like, what now? 0.97
02:58:29.000 Just didn't know what the fuck to do. 0.97
02:58:31.000 It felt weird. 0.89
02:58:32.000 And this guy called him out years later. 0.99
02:58:35.000 Drinking, carrying on, getting fucking crazy. 0.73
02:58:38.000 And then this guy says he can never come back. 0.95
02:58:40.000 And he's like, oh really?
02:58:42.000 And then all of a sudden he decides to come back.
02:58:44.000 I proved this guy wrong.
02:58:45.000 Yeah.
02:58:46.000 And now he's off medication.
02:58:48.000 He wasn't even on any medication. 1.00
02:58:49.000 They were trying to give him some shit. 1.00
02:58:51.000 He's a big fuck, right? 1.00
02:58:52.000 He's a 6'9". 1.00
02:58:53.000 Gigantic guy.
02:58:55.000 Whoa.
02:58:56.000 But he said he's going to do it with goal setting.
02:58:59.000 He seemed happy and friendly and he lost like a shit ton of weight.
02:59:06.000 I think he lost like a hundred and...
02:59:08.000 Wasn't it like 150 pounds or something like that?
02:59:11.000 Wasn't it something crazy, Jamie?
02:59:13.000 Do you remember?
02:59:14.000 Spite's a big motivator.
02:59:16.000 It's a little bit of that, but it's also goal setting, man.
02:59:19.000 Goal setting, yeah.
02:59:19.000 This is the thing that he said that made me think about this month.
02:59:22.000 This month was weird. 0.99
02:59:24.000 When it was over, I was like, what the fuck happened? 0.97
02:59:27.000 Yeah, it was strange. 0.98
02:59:28.000 I'll tell you, man, that day that I ran the 12 miles.
02:59:31.000 691 points?
02:59:32.000 631 points?
02:59:33.000 Yeah, I forget what it was. 1.00
02:59:34.000 When you got that, it was like, fuck. 0.99
02:59:35.000 I really was like... 1.00
02:59:36.000 It's a backbreaker.
02:59:37.000 It really was a backbreaker.
02:59:38.000 I was like, I might be done.
02:59:40.000 That was a Sunday.
02:59:40.000 I got back in town Sunday.
02:59:42.000 All you got to was about...
02:59:43.000 You got about to even with me, but I was like, I might be done.
02:59:46.000 I thought that was Tom.
02:59:47.000 I thought that was Tom.
02:59:48.000 What he used to look like versus what he looks like now.
02:59:51.000 Isn't that incredible?
02:59:52.000 That's incredible.
02:59:53.000 135 pounds.
02:59:54.000 Wow.
02:59:55.000 He was a great interview, man.
02:59:56.000 I like the way he talks.
02:59:58.000 He's a great guy.
02:59:58.000 But yeah, Tom, what were you saying?
03:00:00.000 Just that I fucking, I thought the whole time I would see, I would look down, see how far I ran, and I'd be like, there's 400 points. 0.96
03:00:10.000 It's not enough points. 0.99
03:00:11.000 Just keep running, man.
03:00:13.000 Just keep running, keep running.
03:00:14.000 Spite.
03:00:15.000 Yeah, it's spite.
03:00:16.000 Spite, spite.
03:00:17.000 And also the fear.
03:00:18.000 Dude, no, no, no, no.
03:00:19.000 I wish everyone had poked at Joe a tad bit.
03:00:21.000 Because to feel, to feel, not only like...
03:00:24.000 I knew that was the wrong play.
03:00:26.000 No, why not?
03:00:27.000 Why?
03:00:28.000 Why?
03:00:28.000 Because we had a chance to beat him if he just did weights.
03:00:30.000 No, no, no, no, no.
03:00:31.000 You made him add cardio to weights.
03:00:34.000 Why play a game with Joe and not feel his fury?
03:00:37.000 The reason you play a game is to win.
03:00:40.000 You don't play to win.
03:00:41.000 Dude, I looked at it as a win-win situation.
03:00:45.000 What?
03:00:46.000 Ari's too smart. 1.00
03:00:48.000 Every word that comes out of his mouth I have to analyze.
03:00:50.000 There's not a part of you that wants to just like...
03:00:53.000 It's too slippery.
03:00:54.000 He starts talking to me, like, yeah, you should just try to, like, lift weights and see what your score is.
03:00:58.000 Yeah, exactly, to see what a regular score is.
03:01:00.000 I'm like a five-year-old.
03:01:01.000 You get in his head.
03:01:02.000 Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
03:01:04.000 That was light.
03:01:05.000 Oh, really?
03:01:05.000 Oh, is that obvious?
03:01:07.000 I'm kidding.
03:01:07.000 I don't even know you want to win.
03:01:09.000 Okay, Ari, I'll try it that way.
03:01:12.000 I won't even try real hard.
03:01:15.000 That's when I decided I was going to take you on some thousand point death runs.
03:01:19.000 We're empty here, bro.
03:01:21.000 Wait, are we done with booze?
03:01:22.000 Oh, we got a bunch of booze.
03:01:22.000 No, try this Blanton's.
03:01:24.000 Try this Blanton's. 1.00
03:01:25.000 Hey, is everyone as fucked up as I am? 1.00
03:01:27.000 I'm pretty fucked up. 1.00
03:01:28.000 Oh, yeah, we're pretty blasted. 0.99
03:01:29.000 Yeah, dude.
03:01:29.000 We're going to eat, right?
03:01:30.000 Yeah, we're going to eat.
03:01:31.000 Okay, nice, nice, nice.
03:01:32.000 Sure, son.
03:01:33.000 Wait, do you have a...
03:01:34.000 Nah, you didn't make a reservation, did you? 1.00
03:01:36.000 Oh, shit, alright. 1.00
03:01:38.000 Yeah, bitch. 1.00
03:01:38.000 I shit, alright. 1.00
03:01:39.000 Shit. 1.00
03:01:40.000 Damn, son. 1.00
03:01:41.000 I ain't pregnant. 1.00
03:01:43.000 Who asked?
03:01:45.000 Burt.
03:01:45.000 Burt did.
03:01:46.000 Yes, I did.
03:01:47.000 Also, by the way, notable for the podcast this year, Tom pointed out how Burt pledged those $10,000 to those kids.
03:01:57.000 Let's set this up.
03:01:58.000 Let's set it up correctly.
03:02:01.000 Let's set it up correctly.
03:02:03.000 Please, please.
03:02:04.000 What happened was this.
03:02:06.000 I, you and I were joking about a marathon and whatever.
03:02:11.000 Marathon versus skate marathon.
03:02:12.000 Nothing.
03:02:13.000 Yes.
03:02:13.000 Then I booked, you mentioned, nothing of this ever again.
03:02:17.000 Joking.
03:02:18.000 Yes.
03:02:19.000 Okay.
03:02:19.000 Then I booked a movie.
03:02:21.000 Yes.
03:02:22.000 Canceled in Australia again.
03:02:24.000 I went to Atlanta to shoot the movie.
03:02:28.000 He canceled Australia like the second time.
03:02:30.000 He doesn't care about them.
03:02:33.000 I mean, clearly he doesn't care about them.
03:02:35.000 He's canceled on us so much.
03:02:36.000 He had one first class ticket to Australia.
03:02:39.000 And now he's like, I'm not interested.
03:02:42.000 Okay.
03:02:45.000 Twice in a row.
03:02:46.000 I love Australia.
03:02:48.000 I've been there many times. 1.00
03:02:49.000 Go put on your fucking Oakleys and kill yourselves. 1.00
03:02:52.000 Dog cunts. 1.00
03:02:53.000 Now, I... I went to shoot the movie. 0.99
03:03:00.000 While I'm in Atlanta shooting this movie, this fucking guy's like, I'm at the starting line. 0.99
03:03:08.000 Where's Tom? 1.00
03:03:08.000 He knows where I'm fucking at. 1.00
03:03:10.000 He's like, you're in Atlanta. 0.99
03:03:12.000 You're in Atlanta.
03:03:13.000 They changed the rules.
03:03:14.000 Yeah, he's like, but he's tweeting out, Tom's a no-show.
03:03:18.000 He's supposed to be here. 1.00
03:03:19.000 I didn't say that, you motherfucker. 1.00
03:03:21.000 You sure did. 0.99
03:03:22.000 No, the night before, I posted a video and said, hey guys, I'm sorry.
03:03:26.000 Tommy's not going to.
03:03:27.000 Wow.
03:03:29.000 You said he was going to do something he never intended to do.
03:03:33.000 You threw me up.
03:03:34.000 I didn't know you'd notice.
03:03:35.000 That's fake news.
03:03:36.000 Oh, really? 1.00
03:03:37.000 Are we talking about fake news in this fucking room? 1.00
03:03:40.000 For sure. 0.99
03:03:41.000 Here's what happened.
03:03:42.000 I called Bert. 0.96
03:03:43.000 I'm like, I'm getting a fucking lot of messages. 0.97
03:03:47.000 And it's all people that are like, you're quitting, you're welching on this bet. 1.00
03:03:51.000 And I go, you motherfucker. 1.00
03:03:53.000 Sucks to be called a welcher. 1.00
03:03:54.000 I get it. 0.99
03:03:55.000 He goes, yeah, yeah. 0.99
03:03:56.000 I'm just fucking around. 0.95
03:03:57.000 He goes, hey, to make it up to you, if I finish this thing, I'll donate $10,000 to children's hospital. 0.98
03:04:04.000 No, I've never said that.
03:04:06.000 I've never said that in my entire life.
03:04:07.000 Joe, I've never said this in my entire life.
03:04:10.000 Wait, you heard him say that, though.
03:04:11.000 What did he say, Tommy?
03:04:12.000 He goes, I will donate...
03:04:14.000 He goes, and if I don't...
03:04:15.000 10,000 American dollars?
03:04:17.000 And he cited Ari's father.
03:04:18.000 He goes, if I don't beat Ari's father's time, I'll donate 20,000.
03:04:23.000 By the way, my father just ran the Marine Corps Marathon again last Sunday at 81 years old.
03:04:28.000 81. Mr. Shafir.
03:04:30.000 Yeah.
03:04:30.000 Very good.
03:04:31.000 That was great.
03:04:32.000 Yes.
03:04:32.000 Yeah, I never said that.
03:04:33.000 I never said that.
03:04:34.000 Okay, so he said that.
03:04:35.000 Right.
03:04:35.000 And then he bailed on those kids.
03:04:37.000 Bailed on those kids.
03:04:38.000 Finished the marathon.
03:04:39.000 And you, I have to celebrate, you took it upon yourself.
03:04:42.000 Thanks, Tom.
03:04:42.000 To get the money that Ari pledged, or that Bert pledged to those sick kids.
03:04:49.000 You started Fat Bert Wants Sick Children to Die. 0.96
03:04:53.000 And you...
03:04:55.000 We're able to raise $11,270 for Children's Hospital of Los Angeles, I believe, right?
03:05:01.000 Yeah, LA Children's Hospital of Los Angeles, the GoFundMe.com slash EvilBurt. 1.00
03:05:06.000 Motherfuckers. 1.00
03:05:07.000 It was very successful, and during this month, we finally filled it out, and I was able to, because you called to my attention, Tom, Yes, I did. 0.99
03:05:13.000 Because you called it an injustice to my attention.
03:05:15.000 A lot of the kids died waiting for those...
03:05:17.000 For Burt's money.
03:05:18.000 Yeah, for Burt's money.
03:05:19.000 They actually, at the cemetery there, they have a Burt's kids plot.
03:05:25.000 And it's all kids that died under that time.
03:05:28.000 Oh, wow.
03:05:29.000 Oh, my God.
03:05:31.000 That's amazing.
03:05:32.000 None of this is real.
03:05:32.000 None of this is real.
03:05:33.000 None of this is real. 0.99
03:05:40.000 My mom asked me about it, and I was like, yeah, and she goes, can you tell Bert that he sucks? 1.00
03:05:46.000 My Orthodox Jewish mom said, I think he sucks. 0.99
03:05:49.000 I was like, Mom, no, it's not like what you think. 1.00
03:05:51.000 She goes, tell him, I think he sucks. 0.99
03:05:53.000 How many times has your pops done this thing? 0.99
03:05:56.000 He said, he thinks without really thinking hard, 10 marathons, 3 Boston, and 7 Marine Corps.
03:06:03.000 Good for him, man.
03:06:04.000 I thought you were going to run it with him.
03:06:07.000 No, but he was...
03:06:08.000 By the way, when you mentioned that, I was looking at the numbers.
03:06:12.000 I was like, these are about to jump.
03:06:14.000 Ari just ran a marathon with his dad. 1.00
03:06:15.000 That's what I thought.
03:06:16.000 I really did.
03:06:17.000 I was like, he just did.
03:06:18.000 And I was looking at that screen like, this is about to jump to like 19,000.
03:06:22.000 I posted it.
03:06:23.000 I was like, the day me and my dad teamed up for 32 miles.
03:06:27.000 Because he was like, he texted about his dad and I was like...
03:06:29.000 Your dad did it.
03:06:30.000 Did you do it?
03:06:31.000 And it took me an hour to believe that you didn't do it.
03:06:35.000 Did you guys at any point wonder whether or not your body was going to hold up?
03:06:40.000 Towards the end, it wasn't holding up.
03:06:42.000 I could do like 30 minutes and I was like, I've got to slow down.
03:06:44.000 I can't.
03:06:45.000 I never felt as weak as the last day at night.
03:06:50.000 I had spoken to you, I had spoken to you, and the last person I spoke to was Ari. 0.85
03:06:54.000 And he goes, if you're going to do it, will you just sync up?
03:06:57.000 So I'll know where you're at?
03:06:59.000 And I was like, yeah.
03:06:59.000 And then I go, I'm not doing 700 right now.
03:07:02.000 That's how much I space myself.
03:07:03.000 I flew, by the way.
03:07:04.000 I didn't tell you.
03:07:05.000 I traveled on the last day.
03:07:06.000 Oh, really?
03:07:06.000 So I flew to the East Coast.
03:07:08.000 But still, when I got there, I was so exhausted that I was like, at first I was like, I'll do 500 points right now.
03:07:15.000 You asked me too, like, do you think I should work out?
03:07:16.000 I'm like, if I have, from my point of view, no.
03:07:19.000 But from your point of view, you should separate yourself a little more from Burt.
03:07:22.000 And exactly.
03:07:23.000 And then when I got to like 250, I actually, I go, could I go longer?
03:07:28.000 Yes.
03:07:28.000 Could I get to Ari?
03:07:30.000 I just feel like I'm going to die right now.
03:07:33.000 You know, I feel almost sick.
03:07:35.000 So I was like, if I... Am I going to do another few hours until the cutoff?
03:07:40.000 I was like, there's no way I'm going to do it.
03:07:41.000 But wasn't there a part of it, and then I'll say, is that when you woke up in the morning, you were like...
03:07:47.000 This is unquestionable.
03:07:49.000 I can do this.
03:07:50.000 What do you mean?
03:07:51.000 Every day we did this, there was a part of you that was like, I can work out one more time.
03:07:57.000 I can work out.
03:07:59.000 I did.
03:07:59.000 I really did honestly think I was out when I texted you.
03:08:03.000 You got sick.
03:08:04.000 Yeah, I was like, I'm out.
03:08:05.000 There's no way.
03:08:05.000 When I did 43 points.
03:08:07.000 That made me so happy.
03:08:09.000 You have no idea.
03:08:10.000 I was done.
03:08:11.000 I gotta breathe.
03:08:13.000 Can I tell you last year that me and Bert, me and Tom, excuse me, like day one of Sober October was mostly about the sobriety and less about the yoga.
03:08:20.000 Tom and I were texting like, should we just drink the entire time and not tell them?
03:08:26.000 And we're both like, yeah, I don't think we either one of us fully trust each other not to round the other.
03:08:30.000 But it would have been like, let's just drink the whole time and then be like, yeah, we never even started that.
03:08:35.000 It would be funny.
03:08:36.000 Dude, I was terrified there would be one prank coming my way.
03:08:40.000 You know, when we were in the parking lot after yoga class, you were like, let's get blood tests.
03:08:44.000 Ferrari Day?
03:08:45.000 Yeah.
03:08:45.000 Hey, you freaked out.
03:08:47.000 I was like, really?
03:08:49.000 What was the story about...
03:08:50.000 You don't trust us?
03:08:51.000 Somebody said, wait, did you have to get...
03:08:52.000 Ren and Zizi wanted Ari to do...
03:08:55.000 I got a Lamborghini last year.
03:08:57.000 Yeah, you got a Lamborghini.
03:08:58.000 The best part...
03:09:00.000 I don't even know if we said this last year, but since I had told him because I ran into him the night before, the next day when we were going to the 15th class, my phone rings and it's Joe, and he goes, are you in a white Lamborghini?
03:09:15.000 And I go, yeah.
03:09:17.000 And he goes, yeah, you're right in front of me. 0.99
03:09:19.000 And he goes, since you told me you got a Lamborghini, I assumed that this fucking ridiculous Lamborghini was yours. 0.99
03:09:25.000 So then I pulled in, and we looked for a place to park, and he's like, nobody's going to fuck with this thing, man. 0.99
03:09:32.000 That's so dope! 0.99
03:09:33.000 It was so great.
03:09:35.000 The best part of this whole thing was a day after I had told Bert that it was a joke, he called me, and he goes...
03:09:46.000 I did look at motorcycles.
03:09:48.000 I looked at motorcycles because I thought you got a treat.
03:09:53.000 Dude, I'm still like that.
03:09:55.000 I want a treat, too.
03:09:56.000 I want a treat, too.
03:09:57.000 I want a treat.
03:09:58.000 I want a treat.
03:09:59.000 That was it.
03:09:59.000 I want a treat.
03:10:00.000 I want a treat.
03:10:01.000 Don't you want to drink?
03:10:03.000 Do you understand how crazy it is? 1.00
03:10:04.000 You've rented a Lamborghini just so fuck would burn. 1.00
03:10:08.000 Oh my god, it was great. 1.00
03:10:10.000 And I was like, yeah, I don't know. 1.00
03:10:12.000 You know who fucked? 0.99
03:10:13.000 You almost fucked it up. 1.00
03:10:14.000 Because you go, look at the registration. 0.99
03:10:17.000 You said that.
03:10:18.000 And I go, look at it.
03:10:19.000 I told you that. 1.00
03:10:20.000 I go, fucking look at it. 1.00
03:10:21.000 Look at it. 0.99
03:10:22.000 We're doing yoga in the parking lot with Jordan dancing.
03:10:26.000 Oh, God.
03:10:27.000 Look at that gross body I had that was so far better than either of yours. 0.98
03:10:31.000 So much better. 0.77
03:10:36.000 How long do you think you can surf?
03:10:37.000 No, but my girlfriend was like, with my body, she's like, oh. 0.99
03:10:41.000 How long do you think you can surf in a month?
03:10:44.000 Standing on a board.
03:10:45.000 Yeah, how much time?
03:10:46.000 Wow, that's a great question.
03:10:48.000 Over 31 days.
03:10:49.000 You have to catch long waves.
03:10:51.000 Even more so.
03:10:52.000 Your feet get tired.
03:10:53.000 Here's the thing.
03:10:54.000 We always know that we end up knowing the running order.
03:10:57.000 There's no punishment. 0.92
03:10:58.000 I'm not trying to fucking run up on you, but there's no punishment this year, right? 0.98
03:11:02.000 For coming in last? 0.98
03:11:02.000 No. 0.98
03:11:03.000 Yeah.
03:11:03.000 So next year it's the same thing.
03:11:05.000 I think there should be.
03:11:05.000 Wait, hold on, hold on.
03:11:07.000 I wanted to win.
03:11:08.000 You all wanted to win. 1.00
03:11:10.000 Who gives a shit? 0.99
03:11:11.000 The belt is pretty solid. 0.99
03:11:13.000 I'm just saying this.
03:11:14.000 I'm saying this.
03:11:15.000 We should do something to celebrate.
03:11:17.000 And I'm just saying.
03:11:18.000 Forget about winning and losing.
03:11:19.000 For someone who came in second, number one in non-asteryx, I would say...
03:11:27.000 Do you know what he just said to you?
03:11:29.000 Non-Asterix?
03:11:30.000 He said you do steroids?
03:11:32.000 I do.
03:11:34.000 I do testosterone.
03:11:37.000 I would say...
03:11:38.000 I should have a full Jose Canseco Wikipedia.
03:11:40.000 I would say that my vote should carry some extra weight.
03:11:44.000 And I'm saying, I would really like...
03:11:46.000 To go to Chiang Mai, Thailand.
03:11:48.000 You really want to do this. 0.99
03:11:49.000 To watch some fucking kickboxing. 0.99
03:11:50.000 He just wants to get away from America. 0.99
03:11:52.000 Absolutely, but I think it'd be a fun thing we can do where you would all enjoy your type of thing also.
03:11:58.000 We don't stay in a hostel.
03:12:00.000 We stay in a hotel, sure.
03:12:02.000 And just do that, smoke some cigars, get drunk on beer.
03:12:06.000 I think my vote as number two should carry a little weight, but please take some time and think about it.
03:12:13.000 But I'd like to do that.
03:12:14.000 I'd do something like that.
03:12:17.000 I have no problem with that either.
03:12:19.000 But wait, so does this year's loss count?
03:12:23.000 I owe everyone something.
03:12:24.000 Bert will at least pay for the first round of chains.
03:12:27.000 How much piss do you think you can drink? 0.99
03:12:30.000 Drink that piss! 1.00
03:12:31.000 Drink that piss! 0.98
03:12:32.000 Drink that piss! 0.98
03:12:33.000 I gotta pee real bad. 0.99
03:12:34.000 Go pee, go pee. 0.93
03:12:35.000 No, no, I mean do pee right here for you?
03:12:37.000 Yeah.
03:12:38.000 You'll drink it?
03:12:40.000 Bert?
03:12:40.000 Drink it!
03:12:41.000 Drink it! 0.74
03:12:42.000 Would you chug Ari's full kombucha of piss? 1.00
03:12:45.000 No, I'm not drinking a party of piss. 0.96
03:12:47.000 Would you really piss in it?
03:12:51.000 No, I'm not drinking piss, guys.
03:12:54.000 Let's agree.
03:12:56.000 No drinking piss.
03:12:57.000 No drinking piss.
03:12:58.000 Listen, I need to give a treat to the team.
03:13:01.000 I lost.
03:13:03.000 And I don't know what that treat will be, but it should be a treat. 0.99
03:13:06.000 You don't have to do shit, but here's the thing. 0.99
03:13:08.000 Let's just do it all. 0.99
03:13:08.000 I know that you guys say that. 0.99
03:13:09.000 Pay for the hotel in Chiang Mai.
03:13:11.000 It'll cost you $700 for four days for each one of us to have a room.
03:13:15.000 Or we can get a giant red place.
03:13:16.000 Whatever we decide to do, I'm going to definitely be a part of that treat that impresses you guys.
03:13:20.000 Let's do four round trip, first class tickets, and ten for fans that listen.
03:13:26.000 And then you buy those.
03:13:28.000 What about the dogs?
03:13:31.000 I'll tell you this right now. 1.00
03:13:32.000 If we do Madison Square Garden, I'll pay for the private jet to take us all to fucking New York. 0.99
03:13:39.000 This private jet aesthetic is troubling. 1.00
03:13:42.000 You guys are such trash. 1.00
03:13:43.000 You're such trash. 1.00
03:13:44.000 What a fucking horrible, wasteful thing to get. 1.00
03:13:47.000 What, what, what? 0.99
03:13:48.000 Yeah, book Madison Square Garden.
03:13:50.000 Alright, we'll book Madison Square Garden and I'll pay for the private jet together, sir. 0.86
03:13:52.000 Go drain your dragon, son.
03:13:54.000 I'll pay for the private jet together, sir. 0.89
03:13:56.000 I'll meet you guys at JFK. Honestly, just the three of us, how surprising was this month?
03:14:01.000 Hardcore.
03:14:01.000 For me, it was very, very surprising.
03:14:03.000 What was surprising to you, though?
03:14:05.000 Where it went.
03:14:06.000 It went so competitive.
03:14:07.000 It was so competitive.
03:14:09.000 Nobody ever separated themselves fully, except you.
03:14:12.000 But even with you, it was still like, I could maybe catch him if he stops.
03:14:17.000 Like, when you went on the hunting trip, when you said, I'm not going to be able to work out for the next five days, we were all like, oh, we got a chance to catch Rogan and pass him. 0.98
03:14:24.000 And then when you worked out on the trip, you're like, oh, that's where we were fucked. 0.87
03:14:27.000 But, like, it was surprising that we kept fighting the whole way. 0.95
03:14:34.000 It was unrelenting.
03:14:35.000 It wasn't anything I could relax.
03:14:38.000 No, never.
03:14:38.000 Because there was one time that I went to Vegas for the UFC. I took three days off.
03:14:42.000 And I came back and I was in last place.
03:14:43.000 And I was like, whoa.
03:14:45.000 And then, Bert, you helped me there, too, because you tweeted that. 1.00
03:14:48.000 Bert, you fucked up. 0.96
03:14:48.000 Tweeted that I was in last place, and you even posted the numbers on Instagram, and I was like, okay. 0.96
03:14:55.000 So that really motivated you?
03:14:57.000 100%. 1.00
03:14:57.000 Stupid idiot. 1.00
03:14:57.000 Here's why, silly boy. 1.00
03:15:00.000 I get motivated by everything that can be a motivator. 0.95
03:15:04.000 I don't let something not motivate me.
03:15:07.000 Why would I do that?
03:15:09.000 So you say anything.
03:15:11.000 I so do not know who you are.
03:15:12.000 If you say anything, I'm like, oh, okay.
03:15:14.000 Okay.
03:15:15.000 Okay, no matter what you say, I never hear what you say and say, well, Bert's a great guy, and I know he's just joking around and doing this for publicity.
03:15:26.000 I'm like, I can do that later.
03:15:28.000 That doesn't help me right now.
03:15:30.000 Right now it helps me if you tell me that you're going to beat me.
03:15:34.000 And I'm like, oh, yeah, that's going to...
03:15:36.000 Okay, here we go!
03:15:38.000 I did a cruise at the beginning of this month with Bobby Kelly.
03:15:42.000 And I told him about this right when the whole thing started.
03:15:44.000 I'm looking at everyone's numbers for the first time.
03:15:46.000 And I said, yeah, Rogan's in it.
03:15:48.000 I'm taunting him.
03:15:49.000 And Bobby goes, why would you ever do that?
03:15:51.000 I go, he's Joe, man.
03:15:53.000 And he goes, no, I don't think you know Joe.
03:15:55.000 I go, no, I definitely know Joe.
03:15:56.000 He goes, never taunt him. 0.99
03:15:58.000 And then halfway through that cruise, I was like, I think I fucked up, man. 0.99
03:16:02.000 He told you. 1.00
03:16:03.000 He told you. 1.00
03:16:06.000 So stupid. 1.00
03:16:08.000 Dude. 1.00
03:16:11.000 It was a good month though.
03:16:12.000 It was a good month.
03:16:14.000 I went down to 175. First time in like 10 years.
03:16:18.000 Would it have been cooler if I had just been like super cunty and respectful?
03:16:23.000 Yeah, it would have been cooler if one of us could have won. 1.00
03:16:25.000 Dude, I like the fucking gameplay. 1.00
03:16:26.000 I like the Connor bullshit. 1.00
03:16:28.000 I'm like, talk shit, man. 1.00
03:16:30.000 Be as loud as you can be. 1.00
03:16:31.000 Dude, you came in last. 1.00
03:16:32.000 You gotta support my fucking Chiang Mai idea. 1.00
03:16:35.000 I'm in. 1.00
03:16:35.000 You came in dead last. 1.00
03:16:36.000 You gotta support it.
03:16:37.000 I'm in.
03:16:38.000 I'm in.
03:16:38.000 I was trying to go to Asia.
03:16:40.000 Joe, you like those kickboxing fights.
03:16:41.000 Loved them.
03:16:42.000 Let's go.
03:16:44.000 Listen, I even did some commentary for kickboxing in California.
03:16:48.000 Really?
03:16:49.000 For Muay Thai, yeah.
03:16:50.000 Way back before UFC. Before I ever did UFC commentary, I did commentary for Muay Thai.
03:16:55.000 Guys, we can ride motorbikes.
03:16:57.000 I can take you to some cool places.
03:16:59.000 Let's do it.
03:16:59.000 Yeah, man.
03:17:00.000 You're the only wild card, Tom.
03:17:02.000 Why am I the wild card?
03:17:02.000 I don't know.
03:17:03.000 You don't seem like you would go to a place.
03:17:05.000 I would go.
03:17:06.000 Really?
03:17:06.000 For a short-term trip?
03:17:07.000 Yeah, we're doing it.
03:17:08.000 March, April?
03:17:08.000 Yeah, Monday through Friday.
03:17:09.000 I'm free to go first.
03:17:11.000 How long do you guys think you can surf for?
03:17:14.000 In a whole month.
03:17:14.000 This is for our competition next year.
03:17:17.000 Hey, someone get Kelly Slater on the phone and let's find out how long it sounds respectful. 1.00
03:17:22.000 So I don't want to throw out big numbers right now, but I'm thinking four days.
03:17:25.000 Sebastian Inlet, God, what's up?
03:17:27.000 Let's talk.
03:17:28.000 Four days, bro.
03:17:28.000 Four days.
03:17:28.000 I don't think it's possible to stay in one of those things for too long.
03:17:32.000 Are you interested even in surfing?
03:17:34.000 No.
03:17:35.000 Never have been.
03:17:36.000 Scared of sharks.
03:17:37.000 That's why we go to Kelly Slater's wave pool. 0.99
03:17:39.000 That is the reason why Kelly Slater's wave pool. 1.00
03:17:42.000 And by the way, Joe, Joe. 0.98
03:17:42.000 Fucking terrifying. 0.98
03:17:43.000 How cool does this make this? 1.00
03:17:44.000 Joe hates all monsters.
03:17:45.000 Monsters are bad, right?
03:17:47.000 We can all go and surf together like we did with the hot yoga, but we're all trying to catch better waves.
03:17:53.000 Monsters are real.
03:17:54.000 We would have to enlist in Kelly Slater's surf camp for whatever the month is.
03:17:58.000 No, bro, bro, bro.
03:17:58.000 We got this.
03:17:59.000 We got this.
03:18:00.000 I like this. 1.00
03:18:00.000 You guys are idiots. 1.00
03:18:02.000 I can spend five days on a surf camp. 1.00
03:18:04.000 Don't you have lives?
03:18:05.000 No!
03:18:06.000 I do have a life, but to be honest, I like putting it aside every October.
03:18:11.000 Why are you guys so scared of doing my challenge to you?
03:18:14.000 What's your challenge?
03:18:14.000 Get off social media.
03:18:17.000 That's stupid. 1.00
03:18:19.000 Some of us gotta sell tickets for a Body Shots World Tour. 1.00
03:18:22.000 No, no.
03:18:24.000 Yeah, Ari.
03:18:25.000 You know what you can do?
03:18:26.000 You can agree to stay off social media, and if you have anything you have to post about something, you send it to some sort of a manager.
03:18:33.000 Yeah, send it to an email.
03:18:34.000 They put it up for you.
03:18:37.000 They put it up for you.
03:18:39.000 Do you do that thing?
03:18:40.000 Yeah.
03:18:41.000 You send it to people to send it for you?
03:18:42.000 Email it, say, hey, send this tomorrow or send this today as soon as you can.
03:18:45.000 If it's after 10 p.m., wait until tomorrow.
03:18:48.000 It's a good move.
03:18:49.000 And then you don't check it?
03:18:50.000 It's not the only move.
03:18:51.000 It's not the only move.
03:18:52.000 But it's a good move.
03:18:54.000 I think it's not just a good move for us.
03:18:57.000 It's a good move for everybody. 1.00
03:18:59.000 Take yourself off that shit. 1.00
03:19:01.000 Limit the amount of variables you have to process. 1.00
03:19:04.000 Because if you don't, you won't process them correctly.
03:19:07.000 So you'll be dealing with a bunch of information and some of it you'll get right and some of it you'll get wrong.
03:19:13.000 But you never know what the real balance is because too much of it is coming...
03:19:17.000 At you all the time.
03:19:18.000 All the time.
03:19:19.000 You can't stop and think for a second.
03:19:21.000 Yeah.
03:19:22.000 You love it.
03:19:23.000 I don't mind it.
03:19:24.000 I don't mind it.
03:19:25.000 Bert, this is your wheelhouse.
03:19:26.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:19:27.000 Dude, let me tell you something.
03:19:30.000 The same thing could be argued about podcasting.
03:19:33.000 People go, hey, we're talking too much.
03:19:35.000 We shouldn't be talking this much.
03:19:36.000 But it's something that our fans dig and I dig.
03:19:39.000 No, but that doesn't affect your own psyche.
03:19:42.000 It does. 0.99
03:19:43.000 This shit gets you in mind and you start getting angry about something no one else cares about. 1.00
03:19:46.000 You can very easily say, don't read comments, don't look at likes, don't look at any of that shit. 1.00
03:19:50.000 That could be argued. 0.99
03:19:54.000 Too many people dig it.
03:19:56.000 To walk away from it.
03:19:57.000 In my opinion.
03:19:58.000 And I know I dig it.
03:19:59.000 There's no need to walk away.
03:20:01.000 I think Ari's saying more like breaks. 0.51
03:20:04.000 Take a break. 0.99
03:20:05.000 If you guys could totally deal with a month off of all that shit. 1.00
03:20:09.000 You more than anybody. 0.99
03:20:10.000 And then you and then you.
03:20:12.000 Of just like not being on that.
03:20:15.000 Not letting it affect your opinion.
03:20:16.000 Just walk outside and view the world for what it is.
03:20:19.000 For a month it wouldn't kill you.
03:20:21.000 No I agree.
03:20:22.000 But. 0.99
03:20:22.000 You could get your business shit part done. 0.99
03:20:25.000 Just by emailing saying, post this for me. 0.99
03:20:28.000 And then never looking at it.
03:20:29.000 I don't know.
03:20:29.000 I'd argue against it.
03:20:31.000 Well, you could do that.
03:20:32.000 No, I definitely could not.
03:20:34.000 And I don't want to.
03:20:35.000 That's different.
03:20:36.000 Dude, I dig listening to you talk to Kelly Slater. 0.58
03:20:41.000 That gives me joy.
03:20:43.000 You can go on podcasts.
03:20:44.000 No, no, no. 1.00
03:20:45.000 You're talking about getting away from your fucking phone. 1.00
03:20:46.000 That's all of it. 1.00
03:20:47.000 How would I know Joe had Kelly Slater on?
03:20:49.000 We're talking about all of it.
03:20:50.000 He's talking about social media.
03:20:51.000 Yeah, but I would say probably the best way is to get a flip phone for a month.
03:20:54.000 Twitter.
03:20:55.000 Yeah, if you can get off all social media for a month, that would help you a lot.
03:20:58.000 There was never a moment where I thought that you guys were cheating.
03:21:02.000 Or you really didn't do 15 yoga classes.
03:21:05.000 I always thought that.
03:21:05.000 Oh, right.
03:21:06.000 No, I never thought that.
03:21:07.000 Or even this month.
03:21:08.000 It's like, you know, the worst case scenario would be somebody to be holding back where they weren't releasing information.
03:21:14.000 Yeah, negotiating the system!
03:21:17.000 But I had already prepared for that.
03:21:20.000 You got so far ahead.
03:21:22.000 I wanted to save it for like seven days.
03:21:23.000 I couldn't trust that MyZone thing.
03:21:25.000 It said 13 hours.
03:21:26.000 Was it real 13 hours?
03:21:28.000 It lost a good 40 minutes one time.
03:21:30.000 I think you're looking at social media in a bad way.
03:21:34.000 Overall, it shifts your views to the negative.
03:21:37.000 There are some positives, but overall.
03:21:39.000 What you need to do is shift that and go, like, what are my positives?
03:21:43.000 What are my negatives?
03:21:44.000 It's the same as a podcast, man.
03:21:45.000 There's no difference in Instagram and a podcast.
03:21:48.000 There's no difference.
03:21:50.000 Why?
03:21:50.000 Because it's information, man.
03:21:52.000 It's sharing cool shit. 0.98
03:21:53.000 No, but it's what you're looking at. 0.96
03:21:54.000 No, but I feel like sometimes you haven't been the fan that maybe the outsider has.
03:21:59.000 The person listening to this right now goes, dude, I like when you do Instagrams.
03:22:02.000 Like that Instagram you did about you eating drugs and smoking and drinking, it made me giggle.
03:22:07.000 Okay, but I can send it to my assistant to post for me.
03:22:11.000 We all agree.
03:22:12.000 But I don't have to be there looking at the responses minute by minute.
03:22:16.000 No, no, no.
03:22:16.000 We're all agreeing on that.
03:22:17.000 You're saying get off your phone, get off social media, get off all of it.
03:22:20.000 Yeah, but he's only saying that because of the impulse to look at the responses and to engage.
03:22:25.000 No, I agree.
03:22:26.000 I agree.
03:22:26.000 To hear somebody going, like Joe List said he brought a response to something I did.
03:22:30.000 Maybe even that video. 1.00
03:22:32.000 He's going, oh, you should probably kill yourself. 0.99
03:22:34.000 And he said 168 likes. 0.99
03:22:36.000 A lot of likes for a comment.
03:22:37.000 And then he said some people are like, how dare you?
03:22:39.000 You don't know that guy.
03:22:40.000 And he's like, I'll just delete it.
03:22:43.000 We're having a good time.
03:22:46.000 You're bringing it down because of responses. 1.00
03:22:49.000 On fucking Instagram. 1.00
03:22:50.000 Dude, that whole thing. 1.00
03:22:55.000 Dude, I have people that just block people.
03:22:57.000 Yeah.
03:22:58.000 Well, you know, there's a lot of disinterested folks out there. 0.84
03:23:02.000 They just don't feel good, and they want you to feel shitty, too. 0.53
03:23:05.000 Even if they're right about some things, the way they address it is what the problem is.
03:23:09.000 They're blurting out and oozing anger in disproportionate amounts, and it affects everybody around them, and it affects all of us.
03:23:18.000 Yeah, there's that, and there's also just the amount of time.
03:23:20.000 Like, Tom, you saw when you said, like, let me just try to, like, wake my kids up before I check my internet or whatever.
03:23:24.000 Exactly, yeah.
03:23:25.000 Just the amount of time you're spending on it.
03:23:27.000 It's too much.
03:23:28.000 It might do you good to see what it's like for a month off it.
03:23:32.000 To where you're like, oh, I actually have a lot of time in my day.
03:23:36.000 It's overall positive to do it the way you're describing.
03:23:40.000 I do think that it definitely, for sure, plays a part in our business.
03:23:45.000 Yeah, you need it for certain things.
03:23:46.000 But you could do the thing where you go send it to somebody.
03:23:49.000 Yeah, let me find a way.
03:23:50.000 Every time I think, well, I need it for this.
03:23:52.000 Okay, but can I... Is there a way around that?
03:23:55.000 I don't know.
03:23:56.000 Just when I see something, I make my life less happy.
03:23:59.000 Let me try to think about it at least.
03:24:00.000 There's something to that, but then there's also people that make your life happier. 0.99
03:24:04.000 There's a lot of really hilarious shit online. 0.98
03:24:06.000 Adam Greentree. 1.00
03:24:07.000 Adam Greentree, man. 1.00
03:24:09.000 Fuck everything you're saying right now. 1.00
03:24:10.000 I like watching his life. 1.00
03:24:13.000 I'm just...
03:24:14.000 Cam Newton, man.
03:24:16.000 He does those running videos next to the car, and I go, I gotta get out there and do something.
03:24:20.000 You mean Cameron Hayes or Cam Newton? 0.96
03:24:22.000 Goddammit, man.
03:24:23.000 Are you talking about the Panthers? 1.00
03:24:25.000 I'm fucking hammered. 0.99
03:24:25.000 The quarterback for the Panthers? 0.99
03:24:27.000 Cam Hayes. 1.00
03:24:28.000 The fucking lead singer of Steel Panthers? 1.00
03:24:32.000 Yeah, Cam Newton runs by his car with his hat. 1.00
03:24:34.000 What the fuck are you saying, Burt Chrysler? 1.00
03:24:36.000 I am fucking hammered, man. 1.00
03:24:37.000 Shout out to Cam, Ains. 0.99
03:24:39.000 Shout out to Cam, both Newton and Ains.
03:24:43.000 Holla.
03:24:43.000 Ains and Newton.
03:24:45.000 What's up, bruh?
03:24:48.000 I can't believe we did this much working out, you guys. 1.00
03:24:50.000 That's fucking nuts. 0.99
03:24:52.000 And think about how much more weight we're carrying than you. 1.00
03:24:55.000 Seriously.
03:24:56.000 Yeah.
03:24:56.000 That's what I think with Bert was like, oh, Ari's heart rate must be going up because he doesn't work out.
03:25:00.000 It's like, yeah, could be.
03:25:03.000 It could also be that you're lifting 70 pounds more than me with every step you take.
03:25:08.000 That's a possibility to think about.
03:25:11.000 This is my impression of Ari.
03:25:15.000 You guys are all correct. 0.99
03:25:19.000 You wrestle with Ari, he's going to try to kill you. 0.99
03:25:21.000 But we all did it.
03:25:23.000 Who do you think could tap out someone first?
03:25:24.000 And I have no training.
03:25:25.000 Well, Ari definitely has the most training in jiu-jitsu.
03:25:28.000 Yeah, if you could get on top of me, you could do something to me, but if I could stop you from doing that, I would for sure beat you. 0.98
03:25:33.000 Ari understands what's happening.
03:25:36.000 You wouldn't know what to defend.
03:25:37.000 I've seen him choke people.
03:25:42.000 Exactly.
03:25:42.000 Do you think that's the case?
03:25:44.000 Dude, next year.
03:25:45.000 I don't know.
03:25:45.000 Let's promote.
03:25:46.000 Let's go to Abu Dhabi and go to the fucking world. 0.99
03:25:49.000 Let's do the surf thing. 0.99
03:25:51.000 In my opinion, can I just say, we need to cut the surf contest in half.
03:25:57.000 We should do it six months from now.
03:25:58.000 Because you know Kelly Sater can get this lined up and the weather will be perfect.
03:26:02.000 When?
03:26:03.000 In six months from now.
03:26:04.000 Wait, wait, wait.
03:26:05.000 Kelly Slater, when we sucked so hard, we never surfed once.
03:26:07.000 No, he would not want anything to do with us.
03:26:09.000 Kelly Slater's doing this. 0.99
03:26:10.000 What the fuck are we getting? 0.99
03:26:11.000 Kelly Slater. 0.99
03:26:12.000 I know, I have no interest in this.
03:26:16.000 Let's do this.
03:26:16.000 Wait, let's do this surfing.
03:26:17.000 Oh, yes, you do.
03:26:18.000 Wait, wait, wait.
03:26:18.000 Kelly Slater.
03:26:19.000 On top of this, let's do...
03:26:21.000 Why would he help you, Bert?
03:26:24.000 He's busy!
03:26:25.000 Will you do one round?
03:26:27.000 One round.
03:26:27.000 Yep, yep, I'm in.
03:26:28.000 What?
03:26:28.000 MMA, like UFC rules, fight against Ari.
03:26:32.000 No, no, no.
03:26:33.000 I would never do that.
03:26:34.000 You said I'm down.
03:26:35.000 No, no, no, no.
03:26:36.000 Listen, here's what we have to not do.
03:26:37.000 I want fun competition.
03:26:38.000 That is fun. 0.93
03:26:40.000 I would gouge your eyes out.
03:26:41.000 Listen, there can be no hitting, okay? 0.88
03:26:45.000 There can be no hitting.
03:26:46.000 Yeah.
03:26:46.000 Here's the problem.
03:26:47.000 You can choke each other if you want to choke each other. 1.00
03:26:50.000 The problem with hitting is that shit is permanent. 1.00
03:26:52.000 The damage is real. 1.00
03:26:54.000 All right, fine.
03:26:54.000 Especially when you're in your 40s.
03:26:56.000 You don't want to be getting punched in the face by one of your best friends.
03:27:00.000 He knocks you unconscious.
03:27:01.000 We should do an olympiata.
03:27:04.000 How old did you turn for real?
03:27:05.000 Six months.
03:27:06.000 What, Jamie?
03:27:07.000 Combat jiu-jitsu.
03:27:08.000 No, don't hit each other.
03:27:10.000 I'm telling you.
03:27:11.000 Bert, how old did you turn for real?
03:27:13.000 46. For real.
03:27:16.000 How old for real?
03:27:17.000 Dog years!
03:27:18.000 For real.
03:27:19.000 No, for real.
03:27:20.000 Tell them the real age.
03:27:21.000 Wikipedia age.
03:27:22.000 No, what's the real age?
03:27:25.000 Tell them the real age.
03:27:27.000 I'm 46. When your brother was in the Vietnam War, was it hard at home?
03:27:38.000 Was it hard for everybody?
03:27:40.000 You're from real age though.
03:27:42.000 When Truman went on TV and said what he said, did your whole family freak out or no?
03:27:49.000 51. Now, back when Kennedy was an assassin, did you know that it would be a big moment?
03:27:57.000 Oh, fake media, man.
03:27:59.000 Fake news.
03:28:00.000 You're 47 years old.
03:28:01.000 I'm 46. I'm 46. 53 is amazing.
03:28:06.000 I thought you were younger than me.
03:28:07.000 Joe said you were 41. I'm not 41. He's 85 years old.
03:28:12.000 You're 85?
03:28:13.000 I know this.
03:28:15.000 I'm not getting off my blood pressure medication.
03:28:17.000 I don't want to have a stroke.
03:28:18.000 Why?
03:28:18.000 Don't have a stroke?
03:28:19.000 No, I know.
03:28:20.000 I'm going to stay on my blood pressure medication until the doctor says to get off it.
03:28:23.000 Okay.
03:28:24.000 Ask the doctor, is there a path off this?
03:28:27.000 Should I be going on?
03:28:28.000 I've got to lose weight.
03:28:29.000 Oh.
03:28:30.000 How much?
03:28:31.000 I'd probably have to get to 205. Fuck! 1.00
03:28:34.000 To get off my blood pressure medicine. 1.00
03:28:36.000 I think, right?
03:28:37.000 What are you on now?
03:28:39.000 225?
03:28:40.000 No, no.
03:28:40.000 I was 228 at the end of the contest.
03:28:43.000 I'm probably...
03:28:44.000 No joke, I'm probably 235, I'm guessing.
03:28:47.000 You can get down to 205. What were you at the end of the weight loss challenge?
03:28:53.000 I don't know.
03:28:53.000 I don't really remember, to be honest with you.
03:28:55.000 222, I think?
03:28:56.000 Jamie, pull that up.
03:28:57.000 Less than that.
03:28:58.000 Tommy, what were you, buddy?
03:28:59.000 He was 213. No, no, no.
03:29:01.000 The final weigh-in score was 216 to like 219. The second day.
03:29:06.000 Wait, can I ask you right now, Tom?
03:29:07.000 What are you at right now? 0.98
03:29:08.000 Because you don't look like you've put it back on after the fucking U.S. sports. 0.99
03:29:11.000 Oh, are you being serious? 0.99
03:29:12.000 Okay, yeah, sure.
03:29:12.000 Whatever, whatever.
03:29:13.000 Wait, first of all, don't forget this.
03:29:15.000 Don't forget this.
03:29:16.000 The weigh-in was with a dramatic, for non-professionals, dramatic water cut. 1.00
03:29:23.000 Fuck yeah, man. 1.00
03:29:25.000 I know. 1.00
03:29:25.000 So we basically, you can throw on 10 pounds. 1.00
03:29:27.000 That's why I wanted two days in a row, not just one day.
03:29:29.000 I know, but you can throw on 10 pounds, essentially, to what we weighed in at as our real weight.
03:29:36.000 Jesus.
03:29:37.000 Oh my god, this is so preposterous. 0.99
03:29:39.000 How fucking crazy. 0.97
03:29:41.000 Here's the thing we did last year or the year before with this challenge and with this one. 0.99
03:29:46.000 We didn't really take into account our own personal health.
03:29:50.000 Yeah, good point.
03:29:51.000 Never.
03:29:52.000 I'm gonna be really honest.
03:29:53.000 I had phantom pains in my kidneys.
03:29:56.000 I was worried.
03:29:57.000 On this one?
03:29:58.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:29:58.000 The last day.
03:30:00.000 Like the last few days.
03:30:01.000 I did like somewhere in the range of 535 points.
03:30:07.000 You were worried if I'd be catching you?
03:30:08.000 100%. 0.90
03:30:09.000 You're sneaky.
03:30:10.000 I love that.
03:30:11.000 You're sneaky.
03:30:12.000 That's respect, bro. 1.00
03:30:14.000 Slippery Jew. 1.00
03:30:14.000 That's respect. 1.00
03:30:15.000 And even if you couldn't, I would think about that the same way I really thought Burt was actually trying to double me.
03:30:21.000 Same feeling.
03:30:21.000 I can't believe you really thought that.
03:30:23.000 I don't care.
03:30:23.000 You don't understand.
03:30:24.000 I don't care if it's real.
03:30:25.000 Can't let it happen.
03:30:26.000 I don't care if it's real.
03:30:27.000 It's just you said it.
03:30:29.000 So even if you don't believe it, it doesn't matter.
03:30:33.000 It doesn't help me to think that you don't believe it.
03:30:35.000 I would love to use your brain every now and then.
03:30:38.000 It helps me to think that I believe it.
03:30:38.000 It helps me to think that you're trying to double my score.
03:30:41.000 And I'm like, we're going to the dark lands.
03:30:44.000 Yeah.
03:30:45.000 We're going dark, Bert Kreischer.
03:30:48.000 But to answer your question, I think we put on our water weight, and I think I only gained a few pounds on top of that.
03:30:55.000 You have stayed almost entirely consistent.
03:30:59.000 That's a lie.
03:31:00.000 That's a hard lie.
03:31:01.000 No, I've seen him.
03:31:03.000 Wait, you think you're 216 right now?
03:31:05.000 No, if you listen to what I said...
03:31:07.000 That's what Joe said.
03:31:09.000 No, no, no.
03:31:09.000 What I said was, to be fair...
03:31:11.000 No, that's what Joe said.
03:31:12.000 I'm telling you.
03:31:12.000 But what I said was that we probably gained 10 pounds back from the water cut.
03:31:17.000 I agree with that.
03:31:17.000 So 216 would put me at 226. I said I'd probably gain a few pounds on top of it.
03:31:21.000 I would say right now, if anything, you're 230. Just regular.
03:31:24.000 Listen, I love you.
03:31:26.000 You're an awesome person.
03:31:27.000 Thank you.
03:31:27.000 But the only reason why you're pushing back against this is because you're concerned that it's going to sweep back on you, having gained...
03:31:34.000 No.
03:31:36.000 It sweeps on me regardless.
03:31:38.000 It sweeps on me regardless.
03:31:40.000 Like a wave.
03:31:40.000 What's he doing?
03:31:42.000 At a beach. 0.73
03:31:43.000 He's gonna piss, man. 0.96
03:31:44.000 Leave him alone. 0.98
03:31:46.000 Family's in the Holocaust.
03:31:48.000 Thank you.
03:31:48.000 Thank you.
03:31:51.000 Social justice warrior Joe Rogan.
03:31:54.000 God, he's pissing in a cup.
03:31:55.000 The wave, like this, Bert, comes back.
03:32:00.000 Just remember that Bert came in last.
03:32:02.000 You can't tell people.
03:32:04.000 You can't give people motivation.
03:32:07.000 You don't understand.
03:32:08.000 I don't need it to be real.
03:32:10.000 I heard it.
03:32:11.000 I'll decide it's real.
03:32:13.000 I'll just decide it's real.
03:32:16.000 That's what you have to understand.
03:32:17.000 Burt, you came in last! 1.00
03:32:19.000 Mickey Mantle Gene, you came in fucking last! 1.00
03:32:21.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:32:22.000 Mickey Mantle Gene for real.
03:32:23.000 Mickey Mantle Gene for real.
03:32:24.000 Mickey Mantle Gene and Frank Gene.
03:32:26.000 Tell him about Mickey Mantle Gene.
03:32:28.000 For real.
03:32:29.000 For real.
03:32:29.000 For real.
03:32:30.000 For real.
03:32:30.000 Hold on.
03:32:31.000 Shut the fuck up and listen. 1.00
03:32:32.000 Okay. 1.00
03:32:32.000 I think that Mickey Mantle Gene... 1.00
03:32:34.000 Thank you.
03:32:35.000 He didn't say anything yet.
03:32:36.000 Hold on.
03:32:36.000 I want to say this to the Sandy Koufax Gene.
03:32:38.000 I want to say that the Mickey Mantle Gene...
03:32:42.000 Oh my god.
03:32:43.000 Is real.
03:32:44.000 Not because of this. 1.00
03:32:46.000 It's because the Mickey Mantle gene is that this crazy son of a bitch could go out Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday night till 3 in the morning with fucking, you know, 180,000 beers. 1.00
03:32:59.000 And then Sunday he'd be like, let's do a show. 1.00
03:33:02.000 Fucking fine. 0.97
03:33:04.000 That's the Mickey Mantle gene. 0.98
03:33:06.000 True. 1.00
03:33:07.000 Not this shit. 1.00
03:33:08.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:33:09.000 That's a lot of piss.
03:33:10.000 I think he's confused about piss, what it tastes like when you're trying to choke it down.
03:33:15.000 You're going to drink that through his straw?
03:33:17.000 No, I'm not drinking that.
03:33:17.000 You don't chug it.
03:33:18.000 No, but Tom's right.
03:33:19.000 You got to swallow the ice cubes.
03:33:21.000 And that's all that we need to know.
03:33:23.000 That's all we need to know.
03:33:24.000 I did more workouts than you.
03:33:26.000 When doing the same workout as you was worth less points than you, that means I did far more workouts than you.
03:33:30.000 Bro.
03:33:31.000 He didn't work out at all for 10 years. 1.00
03:33:32.000 It's hard to fuck with that. 0.99
03:33:34.000 But I did the same workout as you, and then after doing the same workout with you, I was down 50 points when I started with you. 0.99
03:33:39.000 I think what we were missing is what Tom's saying, is that if we all had partied at the same level every night and then tried to work out...
03:33:46.000 Dude, you're definitely ahead on that.
03:33:47.000 You're definitely ahead on that. 0.90
03:33:48.000 Dude, the feeling that I got when the molly kicked in at fucking whatever time, Wednesday night, Halloween night, was just like, this is done. 0.94
03:34:00.000 Done. 0.99
03:34:00.000 It felt so good. 0.99
03:34:01.000 It felt so good.
03:34:02.000 I woke up the next morning.
03:34:03.000 My ankles hurt when I got out of bed.
03:34:05.000 Wow.
03:34:06.000 My knees were hurt.
03:34:07.000 They were all stiff and sore.
03:34:09.000 Oh, my God.
03:34:10.000 There was something going on with one of the muscles in my calf.
03:34:12.000 And I was walking.
03:34:13.000 I'd take a piss.
03:34:14.000 I was like, what happened?
03:34:16.000 What did we do?
03:34:18.000 When I was walking around with my kids on Halloween doing the trick-or-treating deal, I was thinking to myself, thank God it's over.
03:34:26.000 What were we doing?
03:34:28.000 We all went crazy.
03:34:30.000 I showed up at this comedy cellar and picked up my shirt, undid my thing, and Liz was like, what are you doing?
03:34:36.000 I was like, I had to run here because I'm in this constant challenge with my friends, so I had to run.
03:34:41.000 I crossed down to my comedy spot instead of just walking.
03:34:45.000 But wasn't it cool?
03:34:47.000 And she was like, what's wrong with you?
03:34:48.000 Other people go like, hey man, why are you going to the gym right now twice?
03:34:52.000 And then go, oh, I kind of liked it.
03:34:55.000 And I know I might be the only one, but I like that I'm in a fight with my friends.
03:35:00.000 And then going in and people going like, you got this Burt.
03:35:04.000 Show the music.
03:35:05.000 So many people knew about this. 0.71
03:35:07.000 By the way, all you dummies who said you got this, Bert, thank you.
03:35:11.000 He did not have it. 0.94
03:35:12.000 He actually had it less than anyone.
03:35:14.000 I was more angry about you people than for Bert to win.
03:35:17.000 I was like, oh, great.
03:35:19.000 I let down so many people.
03:35:21.000 You what?
03:35:22.000 I let down so many people. 1.00
03:35:24.000 Fuck those people. 1.00
03:35:26.000 They're dreamers. 1.00
03:35:27.000 They're dreamers.
03:35:28.000 They're dreamers and they're schemers and they're scheming to lose.
03:35:30.000 They're dreamers and they believe in God.
03:35:32.000 The ones who cheered for you?
03:35:33.000 Dude, I would jog down a little canyon and I'd hear people in their truck.
03:35:37.000 You got this, Bert!
03:35:39.000 No, I got that. 1.00
03:35:40.000 Fuck Joe Rogan! 1.00
03:35:40.000 You're wrong. 1.00
03:35:41.000 You should have died in that fucking truck. 1.00
03:35:42.000 Dude, hold on one second. 1.00
03:35:45.000 My buddy Eric Ruiz can tell you I went hiking in Runyon Canyon and two guys were like, hey man, you got this, Bert.
03:35:50.000 And I was like, in my head, the competition was already over.
03:35:54.000 I was like, Joe's already beat me really bad, guys.
03:35:56.000 What did you think?
03:35:57.000 So what was the final?
03:35:59.000 The final is you got 11,000 something.
03:36:02.000 You got just over 9,000.
03:36:03.000 I got 10,016.
03:36:04.000 I went until I got right over 10,000.
03:36:06.000 He beat you just over 1,000 basically?
03:36:08.000 Yeah, so 1,100, 1,200, something like that.
03:36:11.000 But getting 10,000 to me was like another one where it's like, let's aim for a line.
03:36:14.000 I think I can get there.
03:36:16.000 That's a good line, man.
03:36:17.000 That's a good line.
03:36:18.000 11,253.
03:36:21.000 Good for you, man.
03:36:22.000 Just to put that in perspective, Segura 9533. That's three workouts ahead of Tommy.
03:36:29.000 But the fact that we were amongst literally the tiniest percentage of all the people using these goddamn things. 0.96
03:36:35.000 Dude, me and Bert at a legit gym. 0.97
03:36:37.000 Where's Arlie?
03:36:38.000 The Snap Fitness in Shawnee, Kansas.
03:36:40.000 You were crushing it.
03:36:40.000 I came in first and third.
03:36:43.000 And you beat a fitness instructor who's giving classes.
03:36:47.000 Yeah. 0.97
03:36:47.000 Killer. 0.97
03:36:48.000 I don't understand.
03:36:49.000 Killer and Shawnee. 0.99
03:36:52.000 All of us literally lost our fucking minds. 1.00
03:36:54.000 We lost our minds. 1.00
03:36:56.000 We went crazy.
03:36:57.000 I like it.
03:36:57.000 No, I like it too.
03:36:59.000 We're gonna surf next year.
03:37:00.000 I'm into surfing. 0.99
03:37:02.000 Listen, I'm gonna surf till you die. 1.00
03:37:03.000 You're all gonna die out there. 1.00
03:37:04.000 That's what I'm talking about.
03:37:06.000 Bro, we can all come out with our own surf.
03:37:08.000 I'm gonna surf and cheat.
03:37:09.000 The stuff that keeps your ankle together just breaks.
03:37:12.000 Sharks are everywhere, dog.
03:37:13.000 Sharks are everywhere. 1.00
03:37:13.000 That stuff that keeps your ankle from moving around, that shit's just gonna break. 1.00
03:37:17.000 Tiger sharks. 0.99
03:37:18.000 How long are you gonna stay on that surfboard?
03:37:19.000 Nurse sharks.
03:37:20.000 How long?
03:37:21.000 Shout out to Kelly Slater. 1.00
03:37:22.000 How long you got in ya?
03:37:24.000 Kelly, be my coach!
03:37:26.000 Kelly's gonna pick me. 0.99
03:37:28.000 No way!
03:37:29.000 He was on my podcast!
03:37:30.000 Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe.
03:37:32.000 Shane Dorian's a good friend of mine.
03:37:33.000 Sebastian Inlet, bro, don't forget. 1.00
03:37:34.000 Fuck both of you! 1.00
03:37:35.000 I'm going Brad Gorlack then. 1.00
03:37:36.000 Fine, fuck it. 1.00
03:37:37.000 Who's that guy? 1.00
03:37:38.000 Trust me, I'm a big fan of surfers.
03:37:40.000 I just can't surf.
03:37:41.000 That Joel Tudor guy.
03:37:42.000 That guy's a jiu-jitsu black belt.
03:37:44.000 Ari will be the master surfer. 1.00
03:37:46.000 Yeah, I actually think Kelly Slater is a pussy and I don't want she as my coach. 1.00
03:37:50.000 What? 1.00
03:37:51.000 You're a fucking loser, bro. 1.00
03:37:53.000 You've never risen to the top of your potential. 1.00
03:37:56.000 I have no interest in you as a coach.
03:37:58.000 I have no interest in you as a coach.
03:38:00.000 I'm looking for success, not for what has been.
03:38:04.000 I'm looking for the top.
03:38:06.000 If you could help me, not this Kelly Slater garbage. 0.82
03:38:13.000 Don't be wrong! 0.99
03:38:14.000 How dare you?
03:38:15.000 He's tricking you.
03:38:16.000 I'm looking for the win.
03:38:17.000 Who wants to join on for what is today?
03:38:22.000 Ari's like that guy that criticizes a girl's weight so that he can start dating her.
03:38:26.000 Yeah.
03:38:27.000 He gets under her skin.
03:38:28.000 That's right.
03:38:28.000 He's nagging, bro.
03:38:29.000 He's not negative.
03:38:31.000 Ah!
03:38:32.000 Ah!
03:38:33.000 Kelly, don't fall for it, man.
03:38:35.000 Don't fall for it, bro.
03:38:36.000 Indian River County, what's up?
03:38:37.000 Let's hang out. 1.00
03:38:38.000 Kelly, go with one of these losers. 1.00
03:38:40.000 Fuck it, I'll take your brother. 1.00
03:38:41.000 Evan, what's up, brother? 1.00
03:38:42.000 If you really had to be honest, being scientific about it, how much time do you think you could spend on a surfboard in a day?
03:38:51.000 Okay, I got this.
03:38:51.000 I got this.
03:38:52.000 I got this.
03:38:53.000 Okay, go ahead.
03:38:54.000 Easy.
03:38:54.000 31 days.
03:38:55.000 Easy.
03:38:56.000 In one month.
03:38:58.000 Think of 30. Even amount.
03:39:00.000 31 days.
03:39:01.000 Yeah.
03:39:04.000 If I did the math right and we did a work the system thing, definitely seven days.
03:39:13.000 Seven full days of it?
03:39:15.000 Seven full days.
03:39:15.000 24 hours a day.
03:39:16.000 It would take a lot of work to get to different places.
03:39:20.000 Just so you know what you're talking about.
03:39:22.000 You're talking about six hours and about 15 minutes a day on the surfboard.
03:39:26.000 I'm wrong.
03:39:27.000 Thank you.
03:39:28.000 I'm just glad I'm here to do the math.
03:39:30.000 What did I say, seven?
03:39:31.000 You said seven days.
03:39:32.000 Four days.
03:39:33.000 Okay.
03:39:34.000 Four days.
03:39:34.000 Why four days?
03:39:35.000 You're talking about a four?
03:39:36.000 I cut it in half.
03:39:37.000 I cut it in half.
03:39:38.000 He's right.
03:39:39.000 Because he's not doing six hours plus a day. 0.99
03:39:41.000 He hit you with some goddamn accounting logic and you panicked. 0.99
03:39:44.000 96 hours? 1.00
03:39:44.000 Yeah, 96 hours in one month. 1.00
03:39:47.000 Hmm.
03:39:47.000 Hmm.
03:39:48.000 About almost four hours a day. 1.00
03:39:50.000 By the way, this is what I do is talk shit. 0.99
03:39:52.000 So, like, yeah. 0.99
03:39:53.000 Right. 1.00
03:39:53.000 But there's no consequences for you talking shit. 1.00
03:39:56.000 Do you feel bad about that? 0.99
03:39:57.000 The only consequence is coming in last.
03:39:58.000 Put him in.
03:39:59.000 I have no problem putting him in.
03:40:00.000 Wait, is Bert buying dinner?
03:40:01.000 Okay.
03:40:02.000 Does it feel weird?
03:40:03.000 I should buy dinner.
03:40:04.000 You should buy dinner.
03:40:04.000 You came in last.
03:40:05.000 I can't believe you came in last, man.
03:40:07.000 I'll...
03:40:07.000 Yeah, but that's what I do.
03:40:08.000 That's what I do.
03:40:09.000 I was so worried about coming in last.
03:40:11.000 I came in second.
03:40:12.000 Because you're afraid of consequences.
03:40:14.000 I like to live loud.
03:40:16.000 That's the difference between all of us. 1.00
03:40:17.000 Is that when we're in a liquor store in Atlanta and Prince starts playing, both of you fucking cunts hide in the corner until Bert makes it big. 0.99
03:40:27.000 And then when Burtz makes it big, we all like to make it big. 0.99
03:40:31.000 We all start dancing.
03:40:31.000 Tom never liked it big.
03:40:32.000 I was forced into making it big for a short amount of time.
03:40:35.000 You loved it big and you loved it big.
03:40:36.000 We all loved it big.
03:40:37.000 What did we love big?
03:40:39.000 What?
03:40:40.000 When we did the video when we were all partying in Atlanta and Prince came on.
03:40:47.000 But only you do that.
03:40:47.000 We did that because we're like, you seem to like this.
03:40:49.000 I'll let me join in for like 10 seconds of dance.
03:40:51.000 It's fun.
03:40:52.000 It's fun.
03:40:52.000 It's fun.
03:40:53.000 Listen.
03:40:54.000 I would never do that.
03:40:55.000 You need a guy like me in your life.
03:40:56.000 I need you in my life.
03:40:57.000 I need all of you in my life.
03:40:58.000 You definitely change the tone.
03:40:59.000 You really do change.
03:41:01.000 You do change the tone.
03:41:01.000 You change the party atmosphere.
03:41:03.000 I like to get loud.
03:41:04.000 I know that it does drive people nuts.
03:41:07.000 But with my friends, I trust it, that it'll be fun.
03:41:13.000 There's no mean-spiritedness in it.
03:41:15.000 For sure.
03:41:17.000 100%. 0.98
03:41:17.000 I wanted that belt so fucking bad. 0.98
03:41:19.000 Yeah, you were never going to get it, though, right? 0.87
03:41:22.000 Next year is surfing, man.
03:41:24.000 Can I try it on?
03:41:26.000 Yeah, for sure.
03:41:27.000 You and Bobby, who's your coach?
03:41:29.000 No, I don't want it.
03:41:48.000 Do you think there was any point during the month where you had a pace that you think you could have kept up where you'd been like Hitting those 500-point days, day after day after day after day.
03:42:05.000 A lot of it is what we already had planned for the month, right?
03:42:10.000 You know, if you had that cruise, I had this hunting trip, which fortunately ended fairly early. 0.99
03:42:18.000 But if you were just going somewhere, if you had somewhere that you had to go for 14 days and you couldn't get a workout in, you were fucked. 0.90
03:42:26.000 If I had just stayed home that whole trip, it would have been a very different contest. 0.98
03:42:31.000 Me too.
03:42:31.000 I spent 10 days in LA without my gym.
03:42:33.000 No, I agree.
03:42:35.000 By the way, we all experience that.
03:42:36.000 We all experience that.
03:42:37.000 I'm not using that as an excuse.
03:42:40.000 I accept that.
03:42:42.000 I would have loved to have been not on a cruise.
03:42:45.000 Because I get seasick working out.
03:42:48.000 Also, you're with Fat Bobby Kelly as your motivation?
03:42:51.000 Just Bobby Kelly.
03:42:52.000 Wow.
03:42:52.000 Sometimes that works.
03:42:53.000 No, I thought he wanted to go by that way. 1.00
03:42:55.000 Sometimes that shit works the other way. 0.99
03:42:57.000 Bobby did not work out. 1.00
03:43:00.000 You hung out for a week.
03:43:01.000 Wait, Fat Bobby Kelly did not work out?
03:43:03.000 Sorry.
03:43:04.000 Me and him just smoked cigars.
03:43:05.000 And by the way, that was a hindrance in me is that I'd smoked a bunch of cigars.
03:43:11.000 And so then when I got back to Tampa for like one day to work out, dude, I was like, I was coughing up. 0.99
03:43:16.000 Bullshit. 0.98
03:43:17.000 I smoked cigars on my way home from the comedy cellar. 1.00
03:43:19.000 Seven nights of those that I was home, of the 20. And it worked out after I came home, smoked a cigar, changed, went to work out.
03:43:26.000 We're different people.
03:43:27.000 So, BS on you.
03:43:28.000 BS on you.
03:43:29.000 He's definitely a different person.
03:43:31.000 You have a different genetic makeup than the Mickey guy.
03:43:33.000 You know, some people are allergic to peanuts.
03:43:36.000 Yeah, that's true.
03:43:37.000 I got the Kelly Slater regime.
03:43:39.000 I don't know how we did this.
03:43:40.000 That Conor McGregor regime.
03:43:42.000 We did it in a weird way.
03:43:42.000 This is how we did it.
03:43:43.000 We did it because we didn't plan on doing it.
03:43:45.000 We did not plan on doing it.
03:43:47.000 When Tommy pulled up this idea and we were like, what?
03:43:49.000 It's like, yeah, I wear a heart rate monitor and it's a fitness app.
03:43:53.000 And we're all like, okay.
03:43:55.000 We were just looking for something to do.
03:43:57.000 It's quantifiable.
03:43:58.000 We started out thinking it was going to be yoga again.
03:44:01.000 I remember that it was the fourth and all you guys were mad at me.
03:44:08.000 So mad.
03:44:09.000 And I was on the road. 1.00
03:44:11.000 What the fuck's up with these? 0.98
03:44:12.000 I don't get points for the red zone? 1.00
03:44:14.000 Are you fucking kidding me? 0.99
03:44:15.000 I was like, these fucking guys are so pissed about this. 1.00
03:44:17.000 We're mad at you. 1.00
03:44:17.000 We're mad at anybody. 1.00
03:44:18.000 This is like after 9-11. 0.94
03:44:19.000 We're like, attack them.
03:44:20.000 Like who? 0.95
03:44:21.000 Like anybody.
03:44:21.000 Whoever's broken.
03:44:25.000 I didn't read into this stupid shit at all. 1.00
03:44:28.000 So when I got the app and I put the heart rate monitor on, I'm like, well, we'll just run to the death. 1.00
03:44:33.000 I was like, we're just going to run into the 90s as long as I can in the 90s.
03:44:38.000 I thought you were so upset when you found out you don't get more points for 90. It didn't make any sense.
03:44:45.000 I'm like, you get as much points for 80% of your max heart rate.
03:44:49.000 That's 97. Yeah, that didn't make any sense.
03:44:52.000 That should be quantifiable.
03:44:53.000 But Tommy nailed it. 1.00
03:44:55.000 He's like, that shit would probably be like, highly litigious. 1.00
03:44:58.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
03:44:59.000 There's some lawyers over at my son that was like, you can't incentivize them.
03:45:03.000 Not even people have to go to danger.
03:45:05.000 No, no, no.
03:45:05.000 Here's what's interesting about that, though.
03:45:07.000 And this has actually changed some of my opinions on training.
03:45:11.000 Because I've never done that, where I didn't just do a lot of, like, really, like, go all outs.
03:45:17.000 I did this little...
03:45:18.000 I even slowed down the pace that I run up the hills.
03:45:21.000 But when I would get on the heavy bag, when I would do kickboxing, I had way more endurance.
03:45:27.000 Like way more endurance.
03:45:28.000 And it was interesting.
03:45:30.000 I was like, this is crazy.
03:45:32.000 I maybe did, over the course of the entire month, maybe 10 kickboxing workouts.
03:45:39.000 But by the end of the month, the kickboxing endurance has gotten way higher.
03:45:44.000 It was all just from running, and from doing the elliptical machine, and from doing the rowing machine, and doing all that other shit.
03:45:51.000 All that other shit just It's not as exciting to do, but if you do it, it ramps up everything around you. 0.96
03:45:59.000 Running hills. 0.99
03:46:01.000 We've got to keep going.
03:46:03.000 We've got to do it once or twice a week.
03:46:05.000 We've got to keep going, right?
03:46:06.000 We have to keep going.
03:46:07.000 We'd be crazy not to keep working out a little bit.
03:46:09.000 Yes, it's so hard to get where we're at.
03:46:11.000 I was eating better.
03:46:12.000 You guys were too, right? 0.97
03:46:13.000 Where you started thinking like, oh, I don't want to eat sugar now because it's going to fuck over when I do this.
03:46:18.000 But here's the thing, and we should all talk about this, and maybe we should have a coach come on and talk to us about if we decide to do this again, what are our nutritional requirements?
03:46:27.000 Because I had one workout that was 4,700 calories.
03:46:32.000 Yeah.
03:46:33.000 Okay?
03:46:33.000 That's an insane amount of food.
03:46:35.000 You know what I never got from nutritionists and people like that, workout people?
03:46:39.000 It's like, legit workouts you can do.
03:46:41.000 Yeah.
03:46:42.000 You know what I mean?
03:46:42.000 Not like, this is the best thing.
03:46:44.000 It's like, all right, all right.
03:46:45.000 But for my real life, I'm going to do it twice a week.
03:46:47.000 What can I really do and what do I got to eat a little bit more often that can help me?
03:46:52.000 Instead of like an all this diet.
03:46:54.000 We all talked about this is unsustainable.
03:46:56.000 Totally.
03:46:57.000 At this level?
03:46:59.000 There's no way.
03:47:00.000 It was my joints that I was unconcerned about.
03:47:02.000 What if I told you you had to do 11,000 points this month, November?
03:47:06.000 Hold on.
03:47:06.000 What if I told you I could beat you?
03:47:08.000 I could do it.
03:47:08.000 You could do it.
03:47:09.000 No, I could do it.
03:47:10.000 What time is it?
03:47:11.000 What is it?
03:47:11.000 Where are we at?
03:47:12.000 No, you can do it now. 1.00
03:47:13.000 Your fucking brain is broken. 1.00
03:47:14.000 Yes, I could. 1.00
03:47:14.000 Fuck yeah, I could. 1.00
03:47:15.000 I did a thousand in a day. 1.00
03:47:17.000 You don't think I could do it?
03:47:18.000 No, not from here on.
03:47:19.000 Where are we on?
03:47:20.000 We're in the fifth.
03:47:20.000 What's the bet?
03:47:21.000 What's the bet I'm in on this?
03:47:22.000 A thousand in a day?
03:47:24.000 What's the bet? 1.00
03:47:24.000 Okay, if you get there, you suck my dick like you mean it. 1.00
03:47:27.000 But if you don't get there, you suck my dick like you don't care at all about it. 1.00
03:47:31.000 Give me... 1.00
03:47:33.000 What?
03:47:34.000 You could do it now?
03:47:35.000 You could do what you did before, minus five days?
03:47:37.000 100%.
03:47:38.000 How about this?
03:47:39.000 I took three days off.
03:47:39.000 No, I took four days off.
03:47:40.000 I took three and another day.
03:47:42.000 You don't think it would wear on you before you already did last month?
03:47:44.000 Wait, hold on.
03:47:44.000 Hold on one second.
03:47:46.000 Let's do the bet right now.
03:47:47.000 Let's do the bet right now.
03:47:47.000 We get one day next week.
03:47:50.000 Guys, I'm going to Europe.
03:47:52.000 Who makes the most points in a day?
03:47:54.000 That's crazy.
03:47:54.000 Who do you think can get the most points in a day?
03:47:56.000 Well, who's gotten the most points in a day?
03:47:58.000 Rogan?
03:47:59.000 By the way, by the way, by the way.
03:48:00.000 Segura?
03:48:01.000 Nope, I'm in on this hardest.
03:48:03.000 Burt was second.
03:48:03.000 How many Burt got?
03:48:05.000 740. Oh yeah.
03:48:07.000 I got last most in a day.
03:48:09.000 Do you think you could have got 260 more points?
03:48:13.000 I started losing a toenail.
03:48:15.000 It's the only reason I stopped.
03:48:16.000 I gotta be honest with you.
03:48:18.000 The 640-something, something I got on a one-off, I didn't ever sit down because I had some days where I definitely did.
03:48:24.000 Let's put a bet on next week.
03:48:26.000 I'm saying it's possible that I did more than that in one day with two workout days. 0.97
03:48:32.000 Outside of the shit-talking, which is always fun, here's what we should really think about. 0.92
03:48:36.000 We definitely got all of ourselves into a really Really good level of fitness. 0.99
03:48:43.000 Think about the shit we did. 0.99
03:48:45.000 You ran 12 miles, you ran 15 miles, and then you rode 5 kilometers. 1.00
03:48:50.000 You ran a shitload. 1.00
03:48:52.000 You got 700 fucking points in a day. 1.00
03:48:54.000 We went crazy, boys. 1.00
03:48:56.000 We went crazy.
03:48:58.000 We achieved some very bizarre level of performance over the month in comparison to the average person that wears these things.
03:49:07.000 It's very weird.
03:49:09.000 So it's not that we should pat each other on the back, but we should look at what we did and go, what happened?
03:49:15.000 That was possible, like Tom's saying.
03:49:17.000 That is possible.
03:49:18.000 So let's stop and think about that for a second.
03:49:19.000 That is possible.
03:49:21.000 Here's the other thing.
03:49:22.000 It happened and I feel great.
03:49:24.000 I feel good.
03:49:26.000 I look good.
03:49:27.000 I look in the mirror and I'm like, I like that.
03:49:29.000 Dude, when you were doing the rowing machine and I was getting video of you...
03:49:32.000 Rowing video is good, man.
03:49:33.000 It looked so...
03:49:34.000 Bro, I saw him naked on stage.
03:49:37.000 It's exactly right. 1.00
03:49:38.000 His dick has literally 100% outreach from his pubis. 1.00
03:49:44.000 Tom and I have a pushback. 1.00
03:49:46.000 Outstanding.
03:49:46.000 I thought, I really thought, I was like, this is a movie montage.
03:49:50.000 When I watched his fucking Instagram. 0.98
03:49:53.000 Yeah, I was like, what if Ari's like, I gotta change my life, I'm going for it. 0.99
03:49:58.000 Like, he's really buying into it.
03:50:00.000 Well, he was changing his life.
03:50:01.000 He really was going for it.
03:50:02.000 No, I know.
03:50:02.000 We did that podcast, like, I gotta work out, man.
03:50:04.000 Can I work out your fucking stupid gym for an hour or two? 1.00
03:50:06.000 But look at him. 1.00
03:50:08.000 Dude, right at the end.
03:50:09.000 Right at the end.
03:50:10.000 It's a perfect...
03:50:10.000 Look at those abs.
03:50:11.000 Look at those abs.
03:50:12.000 It's a perfect pull on the abs.
03:50:14.000 Oh, yeah.
03:50:14.000 They never look at it as much as they get like that.
03:50:16.000 We'll never have jabs like that.
03:50:18.000 Look at that. 1.00
03:50:18.000 You're in the fucking yellow, son. 1.00
03:50:20.000 After the surf camp. 1.00
03:50:21.000 After chemo?
03:50:21.000 Surf camp, bro.
03:50:23.000 Surf camp.
03:50:23.000 We're going to beat them so bad.
03:50:24.000 We can't go to surf camp.
03:50:26.000 The rule is we don't do anything until October 1st.
03:50:28.000 Me and Tom versus Joe and Ari. 0.99
03:50:30.000 Damn, I like that body. 1.00
03:50:31.000 Look at that fucking thing. 1.00
03:50:32.000 You're jacked. 1.00
03:50:33.000 You're still jacked. 1.00
03:50:34.000 Weird nipples, but yeah. 1.00
03:50:36.000 A couple pounds of Mexican food. 0.98
03:50:37.000 That's it.
03:50:38.000 Ah, a little Mexican. 1.00
03:50:40.000 It's a big deal, bro.
03:50:42.000 But here's the thing.
03:50:44.000 It's not the thing, but here's a thing.
03:50:46.000 We pulled it off.
03:50:48.000 We pulled it off.
03:50:49.000 All of us did something we would have never expected.
03:50:52.000 If you asked me on our first workout.
03:50:55.000 Can you win a gym in Kansas?
03:50:57.000 No, for sure not.
03:50:59.000 You crush them.
03:51:00.000 Here's what's crazy.
03:51:01.000 If you think about the points, four points a minute is like hustling.
03:51:07.000 Did you see that tally?
03:51:09.000 What tally?
03:51:10.000 They send you an email of your monthly tally of all the info?
03:51:14.000 No, I haven't seen that.
03:51:15.000 Wait, I'll read you mine, which will give you perspective on yours.
03:51:19.000 You're right about in the middle.
03:51:20.000 Yeah, so hold on. 1.00
03:51:22.000 All the calories you burn, all that shit. 1.00
03:51:24.000 Oh, it's preposterous. 1.00
03:51:27.000 Yeah.
03:51:28.000 But what's interesting is we didn't anticipate it at all.
03:51:31.000 We did not anticipate this.
03:51:32.000 I thought it would be like an hour or so.
03:51:34.000 So 3,000...
03:51:38.000 How many minutes?
03:51:38.000 So it says for the whole month.
03:51:40.000 First of all, it shows me the whole year leading up to October.
03:51:43.000 And then it says the 9538 MEPS, which is the measurement, right?
03:51:48.000 Yeah.
03:51:48.000 3,726 minutes I worked.
03:51:51.000 How many hours is that?
03:51:52.000 Is it October recap?
03:51:53.000 How many hours is that divided by 60?
03:51:54.000 60. What?
03:51:55.000 60. 60 hours?
03:51:57.000 Oh my god.
03:51:58.000 Wait, I'm sorry.
03:51:59.000 I'm sorry, start over.
03:52:00.000 I wasn't listening.
03:52:00.000 Two hours a day.
03:52:01.000 He said he worked out 60 hours in a month.
03:52:03.000 Yeah, average effort 70% for the whole month.
03:52:08.000 Calories burned for the month 47,843.
03:52:11.000 Wow.
03:52:12.000 And average heart rate was 131 BPM. Jamie, I'm gonna send you this because I sent it to these guys already about what pussies we are. 0.99
03:52:20.000 Because there's a guy who went, he swam around the UK. That dude. 0.98
03:52:26.000 Have you seen that?
03:52:28.000 Here, read mine.
03:52:29.000 Pull that up. 0.99
03:52:30.000 This guy fucking swam around the UK. Wow. 0.99
03:52:35.000 He swam, he burnt a half a million calories. 0.95
03:52:40.000 This guy's crazy. 0.82
03:52:41.000 His tongue was falling apart? 0.95
03:52:42.000 I believe I was reading that, yeah, because he spent so much time on the wall.
03:52:44.000 Jesus Christ!
03:52:45.000 Oh my God! 1.00
03:52:48.000 His fucking tongue was falling apart, son. 1.00
03:52:50.000 And this guy swam around the UK. 157 days, swimming 12 hours a day. 1.00
03:52:58.000 This guy will be on the Rogan podcast in two weeks.
03:53:02.000 He can't talk, son.
03:53:04.000 He did good, man.
03:53:05.000 His tongue got eaten by barnacles.
03:53:07.000 Yeah.
03:53:07.000 Yeah.
03:53:08.000 What?
03:53:09.000 Bert worked out.
03:53:09.000 This is Bert's recap.
03:53:11.000 He did 4,098 minutes of working out.
03:53:14.000 66% effort.
03:53:16.000 Burned 46,258 calories.
03:53:19.000 Average heart rate, 120. You know what's brutal, man, is like a hard weightlifting workout.
03:53:25.000 Didn't give you jack shit. 0.98
03:53:27.000 Yeah, when you got to that, you're like, wait, this doesn't make any sense. 0.99
03:53:30.000 But that muscle expenditure is like way more severe.
03:53:34.000 Dude, I wrecked myself for 45 points one day.
03:53:37.000 I was like, ugh.
03:53:39.000 Oh, yeah.
03:53:40.000 It was different, too, when you got into running, like, legit running.
03:53:43.000 Because I would run 10 miles at night, and I would only get 200 points for it.
03:53:47.000 How'd you do that?
03:53:48.000 I'd just get up in the middle of the night and just run.
03:53:51.000 10 miles for 200 points?
03:53:52.000 I know, yeah, because my heart rate wouldn't get over 130. Thank God for 24-hour gyms or your own weightlifting thing. 1.00
03:53:59.000 You'd kill it. 0.98
03:53:59.000 You were killing it there. 0.98
03:54:00.000 24-hour gyms are interesting because you're dealing with psychos and, like... 0.92
03:54:05.000 Weirdos.
03:54:05.000 Tweakers, but every piece of equipment you get, or if you have your own place, obviously every time is your own place.
03:54:11.000 Or maybe wizards.
03:54:12.000 I can't believe you love that treadmill.
03:54:14.000 You might run into some person that's working out at 3 o'clock in the morning.
03:54:16.000 It's like a genius.
03:54:17.000 Could be.
03:54:18.000 Just can't handle people.
03:54:20.000 Could be.
03:54:20.000 Steve Simone said he worked at Gold's Gym for a while.
03:54:23.000 He did?
03:54:23.000 Yeah, the difference between 4 a.m.
03:54:26.000 to 6 a.m.
03:54:27.000 between the tweakers to slowly become the winners who are getting a pre-work workout.
03:54:32.000 It was such a quick shift of type of person coming in.
03:54:37.000 Where are we going to dinner?
03:54:39.000 What do you want to tell people on the internet?
03:54:42.000 Oh yeah, it's live. 0.99
03:54:44.000 Should we wrap this shit up? 0.99
03:54:45.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99
03:54:45.000 Do you want to wrap it up? 0.99
03:54:46.000 Did we learn anything from this?
03:54:48.000 I think we learned what we're capable of.
03:54:51.000 Let's go around the room.
03:54:52.000 Let's go around the room.
03:54:53.000 Let's go around the room.
03:54:54.000 Start with Tommy Bunz.
03:54:55.000 What did you learn from this whole thing?
03:54:57.000 Bizarly, I think I confirmed that I love a competitive event.
03:55:03.000 Right!
03:55:04.000 It brings me closer to you guys.
03:55:06.000 I actually like you guys more.
03:55:08.000 Even though I already liked you before.
03:55:10.000 I'm serious.
03:55:11.000 I feel like it makes me like you guys more because I'm like, it's kind of like that camaraderie of being on a team.
03:55:16.000 It feels like a team thing.
03:55:18.000 And yeah, I had that moment where I'm like, I'm capable of more than I thought I was capable of, which is like I'm saying, it's encouraging. 0.97
03:55:28.000 And then it kind of fucks with you too. 0.94
03:55:30.000 Ari, what did you learn? 0.98
03:55:32.000 I learned, one, that I actually am capable of working out.
03:55:36.000 I needed the competition to actually get to the gym. 0.99
03:55:39.000 Again, I said this in fucking January. 0.99
03:55:41.000 You really did kill that. 0.99
03:55:42.000 But I hadn't gone there until October.
03:55:46.000 I also learned how many people got into this.
03:55:49.000 It was nuts.
03:55:50.000 Yeah, it was a lot.
03:55:51.000 Nuts.
03:55:51.000 I went to a Jets game.
03:55:52.000 People were like, shouldn't you be working out?
03:55:54.000 And by the way, my favorite response is in one of these things, like How's Sober October going? 1.00
03:55:58.000 To any fan who walked by, I could just go, go fuck yourself, eat shit, kill yourself. 1.00
03:56:02.000 That's what you would say? 1.00
03:56:03.000 Yeah, all the time.
03:56:04.000 Hey, you enjoying being sober? 1.00
03:56:05.000 Why don't you go fucking kill yourself and your wife? 1.00
03:56:07.000 It was the best. 1.00
03:56:09.000 It went perfectly with it.
03:56:11.000 Like a fine wine.
03:56:12.000 Yeah, and I realized that I actually can work out a little bit.
03:56:15.000 Maybe I should work out a little bit.
03:56:17.000 That's awesome.
03:56:18.000 I did remember also on the 30th, the second to last day I was running, trying to get points, and a guy on a construction site was on a cell phone, and he did not look like somebody I would think would say anything to me.
03:56:31.000 And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:56:33.000 And then he turns, he goes, hey, buns, I'm pulling for you! 0.98
03:56:35.000 And he goes back on his phone.
03:56:37.000 Ah!
03:56:39.000 Ah!
03:56:39.000 Yeah, it was great.
03:56:40.000 So many people knew about it.
03:56:42.000 It was fun. 0.99
03:56:42.000 It was fucking fun. 0.99
03:56:44.000 At my kids' school, dads were coming up to me and saying, I'm doing Sober October 2. No shit. 1.00
03:56:48.000 Yeah, one more day, one more day. 1.00
03:56:50.000 Wow.
03:56:51.000 What did you learn?
03:56:52.000 What do you feel like you learned?
03:56:55.000 The competitive drive was fascinating.
03:56:57.000 Yeah.
03:56:58.000 I didn't anticipate getting that crazy.
03:57:00.000 I thought it was just going to be us having fun.
03:57:03.000 We would work out like last year.
03:57:05.000 Fifteen yoga classes is not that extraordinary.
03:57:08.000 It still is.
03:57:09.000 Every other day.
03:57:09.000 It did take us till the latter, for sure, the latter part of the month, right?
03:57:13.000 We all did 15 together at like the 28th.
03:57:16.000 What I learned something last year, though, honestly, that carried over this year, that I decided to do nine yoga classes in a row to finish off my session.
03:57:24.000 I had like a bunch of weeks.
03:57:26.000 I had like a week plus later to go.
03:57:29.000 Like, if I wanted to make it to the end of the month.
03:57:31.000 I just wanted to get the 15 in.
03:57:32.000 And so I decided to do nine in a row.
03:57:34.000 And when I realized somewhere around, like, number seven in a row, I was like, oh, you could just keep doing it.
03:57:41.000 Like, you think you need time off, but you don't really need time off.
03:57:45.000 You just need to keep doing it.
03:57:46.000 And maybe you'll slow down a little bit.
03:57:48.000 Maybe you won't have as much energy.
03:57:50.000 But if you just keep doing it, your body will eventually adapt.
03:57:54.000 But this is way more demanding, right?
03:57:56.000 But this is what happened with this too.
03:57:58.000 So what I realized last year by doing nine in a row, like your body just sort of adapts.
03:58:02.000 And then once I started doing like, I started ramping up the cardio sessions, and I was like, okay, if I just decide to get off now, I can get off now.
03:58:11.000 I can just stop now.
03:58:12.000 An hour and a half is a long time.
03:58:13.000 Yeah, you'd be like set.
03:58:14.000 Like, uh-huh, 300 points.
03:58:15.000 You know what's better?
03:58:16.000 Five hours is better.
03:58:17.000 Wow.
03:58:17.000 Let's see if we can do five hours.
03:58:19.000 Like we did an hour and a half.
03:58:20.000 We just got to do an hour and a half again.
03:58:21.000 Then we're almost there.
03:58:22.000 Then we're at three.
03:58:23.000 And then we do an hour and a half again.
03:58:25.000 Then we're at four and a half.
03:58:26.000 Then we're almost home.
03:58:28.000 Keep going.
03:58:32.000 That's what this is all about.
03:58:34.000 This is why psychos like Lance Armstrong win the Tour de France.
03:58:37.000 It's not just because of steroids. 1.00
03:58:39.000 It's because he's a fucking psycho. 1.00
03:58:42.000 The mental capacity. 1.00
03:58:43.000 Totally.
03:58:43.000 He's got a mind of a werewolf and he figures out a way to win.
03:58:47.000 I bet his daily workout right now, like whatever Lance does, today would fucking blow your mind. 1.00
03:58:55.000 Put a fucking my zones on that guy and it's over. 0.99
03:58:58.000 He's a super hyper competitive guy. 0.99
03:59:00.000 The mental part of this, not just to go do it, but actually go, you need to go.
03:59:04.000 You need to leave your apartment, your house, and you need to go over there.
03:59:07.000 I know you want to do this, but you've got to go do it now for a couple hours.
03:59:10.000 That part was like one of the hardest parts.
03:59:13.000 I would get anxiety in the morning.
03:59:14.000 What about you?
03:59:15.000 My alarm would go off, and I'd worry, I'd check your scores.
03:59:18.000 Check the scores.
03:59:20.000 What did you learn, Burt?
03:59:23.000 What did you learn, Burt? 0.99
03:59:24.000 Oh, I don't fucking know. 0.99
03:59:25.000 Come on. 0.98
03:59:26.000 No, I was asking you guys.
03:59:28.000 But what did you learn?
03:59:29.000 Something.
03:59:30.000 I learned...
03:59:32.000 I learned that I have a lot more in me than I ever thought I had. 0.99
03:59:37.000 I learned that Ari is a sneaky fuck with a lot more strength than I ever thought I imagined. 1.00
03:59:43.000 You got angry that they were sandbagging, you said. 1.00
03:59:46.000 I got angry a lot, yeah. 0.98
03:59:48.000 You didn't want anyone to do anything out of the fucking... 1.00
03:59:51.000 The same shit you got into, I got into too. 1.00
03:59:54.000 But just with you, I just thought it was a joke. 0.99
03:59:56.000 I didn't think you were really upset.
04:00:03.000 I didn't think it was real.
04:00:05.000 I didn't think you really believed you were going to double me.
04:00:07.000 I never thought that was real.
04:00:08.000 But I didn't have to.
04:00:10.000 I didn't have to.
04:00:11.000 I heard the words.
04:00:13.000 And so I decided to believe them.
04:00:15.000 Dude, I used to think...
04:00:16.000 Did you think I was going to beat you, Ari? 1.00
04:00:18.000 No, I never knew you would beat me.
04:00:20.000 You never what?
04:00:21.000 I never knew Tom would beat me.
04:00:23.000 Oh, me.
04:00:23.000 Did you think I would beat you?
04:00:26.000 No way.
04:00:27.000 No, not at all.
04:00:28.000 I thought you were so out of shape.
04:00:29.000 I thought it was a misjudgment of the system. 1.00
04:00:31.000 And then when we went on a hike together, I was like, oh, fuck. 0.99
04:00:35.000 I was like, oh yeah, of course, someone that's 100 pounds lighter than me would be in better shape. 0.99
04:00:39.000 That makes sense.
04:00:40.000 Thank you, 50 pounds.
04:00:41.000 But yes, yes.
04:00:42.000 But there's a lot I learned.
04:00:43.000 A lot I learned.
04:00:44.000 What did you learn?
04:00:47.000 I learned that I... Number one thing is that...
04:00:51.000 I need this camaraderie to better myself.
04:00:53.000 Like, when you get challenged by your friends and you have this fun fuckery that just happens every day, it points you into a place that's better for yourself, in my opinion.
04:01:02.000 It's also really fun for people listening.
04:01:04.000 I got a lot of people that came up to me and said, man, I wish I had friends like you guys. 1.00
04:01:08.000 Because you guys are so silly and stupid. 1.00
04:01:11.000 All of you, rather, are just goofing on each other constantly. 1.00
04:01:15.000 And everybody's laughing, howling.
04:01:17.000 And it gives everybody that's listening to this this bizarre sense of camaraderie.
04:01:22.000 That's true. 1.00
04:01:23.000 We got through this stupid fucking month where we're doing insane amount of exercise. 1.00
04:01:28.000 Insane amounts! 1.00
04:01:29.000 And then at the end of it, we're like, what the fuck? 0.99
04:01:32.000 We were talking about trying to win. 0.99
04:01:33.000 I called Burt one day and I was like, you know we're not athletes, right?
04:01:37.000 We're not at all trained for this.
04:01:39.000 I was like, we're not athletes, bro.
04:01:41.000 Tommy goes, we're just comics.
04:01:42.000 And I went, no, we're not, bro.
04:01:45.000 I was like, yes, no, it's time.
04:01:47.000 What would you have come into that Shawnee competition?
04:01:50.000 Would you have been second or third?
04:01:51.000 In the final scores? 0.99
04:01:52.000 You would have been head of killer. 0.99
04:01:54.000 That's crazy! 0.85
04:01:55.000 Legit places!
04:01:57.000 D1 athlete.
04:01:58.000 Crazy. 0.56
04:01:58.000 And she probably teaches a gang of classes. 0.56
04:02:01.000 But also, she probably never gets out of the green.
04:02:03.000 She's probably in super shape.
04:02:04.000 I don't know.
04:02:07.000 She's probably doing it forever.
04:02:08.000 She'd probably bury all of us. 1.00
04:02:11.000 That's the thing.
04:02:12.000 What we did was, we just did a one month chaos run.
04:02:17.000 It was.
04:02:17.000 We all survived, but I think we should be careful about this.
04:02:20.000 Because there is really a potential to damage your body doing stuff like this.
04:02:25.000 It's really fun.
04:02:26.000 For sure.
04:02:27.000 But there's a weird potential for, like, when you hear about stuff like Rob Doe, and you're like, what?
04:02:31.000 What happened?
04:02:31.000 I disagree.
04:02:32.000 I didn't even tell you about the...
04:02:33.000 Your potential for the positive is so much outweighs the potential for the negative that it's like, just do it.
04:02:37.000 I'm not saying that this is one of the big negatives, but I don't know how any of you guys did with cramps.
04:02:42.000 I had...
04:02:44.000 Unbelievable muscle cramps the last two of the last three nights.
04:02:47.000 Well, I planned for that.
04:02:48.000 So I took a lot of electrolytes.
04:02:52.000 I took more than I needed.
04:02:55.000 I added Himalayan salt and water.
04:02:58.000 And one of the things that I realized, when you add too much Himalayan salt to water, your body processes it like food. 0.96
04:03:04.000 So all that water comes right through your butthole. 0.97
04:03:09.000 Really? 1.00
04:03:09.000 Like a runaway train. 1.00
04:03:11.000 Really?
04:03:12.000 Like a semi with broken brakes.
04:03:15.000 Woo! 0.99
04:03:16.000 Is that when you were just shitting water? 1.00
04:03:18.000 It's 34 ounces of water coming flying out of your asshole at Mach 1. It's crazy, dude. 1.00
04:03:24.000 Your body, when you drink salt with water together, your body goes, oh, this is food.
04:03:29.000 What is this?
04:03:30.000 Get it out of here.
04:03:31.000 Get it out.
04:03:32.000 Woo! 0.99
04:03:33.000 It just comes out like water. 1.00
04:03:36.000 My asshole's blown out for a lot of those workouts. 1.00
04:03:39.000 Oh. 1.00
04:03:39.000 It was hard. 1.00
04:03:40.000 Look at the amount of time that all of us were pumping our legs.
04:03:43.000 It's crazy.
04:03:44.000 Jesus Christ.
04:03:45.000 That doesn't make any sense.
04:03:47.000 It's just the fact that we got close to each other.
04:03:49.000 Well, all of us were preposterous.
04:03:51.000 Bert, you were all.
04:03:53.000 All of us.
04:03:54.000 We were preposterous.
04:03:54.000 I might have been the most preposterous.
04:03:56.000 No, we were preposterous in terms of a normal month of exercise.
04:04:00.000 For sure.
04:04:00.000 For basically everybody.
04:04:01.000 It's more than I've ever seen on one of those boards for 10 months.
04:04:06.000 I've never seen anything. 0.98
04:04:07.000 No, who the fuck's getting 11? 0.99
04:04:09.000 No way, bro. 0.99
04:04:10.000 Five digits.
04:04:10.000 Getting 11,000.
04:04:11.000 I've seen 7,000.
04:04:13.000 7,000.
04:04:13.000 And that was like pretty nuts.
04:04:15.000 11,000 is taking to a terrible place.
04:04:18.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:04:19.000 You've got to go to a terrible place to get to 11,000.
04:04:21.000 It was only because we were all sort of pushing each other.
04:04:26.000 Because we didn't want to lose to Burt.
04:04:29.000 We didn't want to lose to Burt.
04:04:32.000 Be honest with him.
04:04:32.000 He's right here!
04:04:33.000 When Tom got 600-something, it was like, fuck! 0.99
04:04:37.000 But then it was also like, wait, I can do at least that one day. 0.99
04:04:40.000 I got one more day in me of that.
04:04:42.000 That's the name of our show.
04:04:43.000 It's Beat Burt.
04:04:45.000 Tom, tell me what you and I talked about.
04:04:47.000 I was telling him on the 31st. 1.00
04:04:49.000 I was like, fuck. 1.00
04:04:51.000 I got this. 0.99
04:04:52.000 I just flew to Tampa.
04:04:54.000 I got the next day in.
04:04:56.000 So I didn't even tell you guys.
04:04:57.000 I didn't know how it was going to affect.
04:04:59.000 So I was like, all right.
04:05:00.000 Because we had a cutoff of 10 Eastern.
04:05:03.000 I just got to the hotel.
04:05:04.000 I checked in.
04:05:05.000 I go right to the gym. 1.00
04:05:06.000 And I was like, man, this has been a fucking motherfucker. 1.00
04:05:11.000 And I got to work out right now. 1.00
04:05:13.000 I didn't know how...
04:05:14.000 And I knew you were six, seven hundred points ahead of me.
04:05:17.000 I just started and I was like, I just...
04:05:19.000 I can't lose to Bert right now.
04:05:22.000 I was like, I can't.
04:05:23.000 I can't.
04:05:24.000 And I had major anxiety. 0.88
04:05:26.000 I didn't think like, oh, I would suck to lose to Bert.
04:05:28.000 I had like crippling anxiety about it.
04:05:31.000 And I was like, alright.
04:05:32.000 I just kept going.
04:05:34.000 And I had a few hundred points.
04:05:35.000 I was already at least...
04:05:37.000 I didn't know if you'd synced up.
04:05:38.000 So I was at least 300 and some ahead.
04:05:40.000 There's no sync.
04:05:41.000 The no sync was a real worry.
04:05:43.000 Yeah, syncing was a real worry.
04:05:44.000 We have to make rules if we do this ever again.
04:05:47.000 First of all, we gotta get blood checked.
04:05:50.000 Yeah.
04:05:51.000 Because I think there's a real concern.
04:05:53.000 If we say...
04:05:54.000 Oh, for doing drugs or alcohol, you mean?
04:05:55.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.
04:05:57.000 I mean, Rob Doe.
04:05:58.000 I mean, people dying.
04:05:59.000 Oh, oh, oh.
04:06:00.000 That's okay.
04:06:00.000 I think we should...
04:06:01.000 It would be cool to do this with doctors.
04:06:03.000 If we ever do anything like this again, I really think we should do it with doctors.
04:06:07.000 Because there was a point where I said, like, at the end, I was having, like, phantom pains.
04:06:11.000 I was like, am I okay?
04:06:13.000 Yeah.
04:06:14.000 It just felt...
04:06:15.000 The 31st was a bad day for me.
04:06:17.000 That travel day, that was a bad day.
04:06:19.000 That's what you called Joe.
04:06:20.000 No, no, no.
04:06:20.000 We talked to each other.
04:06:21.000 We're friends, bro.
04:06:22.000 Don't be jealous.
04:06:23.000 First, I worked out in the morning.
04:06:28.000 By the way, you talk to everyone in here but me.
04:06:32.000 I talk to you.
04:06:33.000 You just don't call me. 1.00
04:06:34.000 Oh, you fucking liar. 1.00
04:06:36.000 I worked out in the morning and then flew to Tampa. 1.00
04:06:39.000 On the 31st.
04:06:40.000 On the 31st. 1.00
04:06:41.000 Landon went to the fucking gym. 1.00
04:06:43.000 I actually talked to you and then you. 1.00
04:06:46.000 And then an hour after you...
04:06:49.000 I spoke to him.
04:06:50.000 And I was like, I see that I started 300 ahead of him, now I'm 200. 300 ahead of him means if you don't work out, he can catch you.
04:06:58.000 Easy.
04:06:58.000 Very easy.
04:06:58.000 So I tacked on 200 more.
04:07:00.000 Which means that you've got to work out.
04:07:02.000 500 at least that I can see.
04:07:04.000 Yeah, which is two and a half hours to catch you.
04:07:06.000 But I didn't know, and I was like, what's up?
04:07:07.000 And I really believed him.
04:07:08.000 I was like...
04:07:10.000 I hear he was like chopping.
04:07:12.000 He's like, I'm cooking right now at the house.
04:07:13.000 Friends are over, blah, blah, blah.
04:07:15.000 He's like, I swear I'm done.
04:07:17.000 And I was like, all right, man.
04:07:18.000 And I hung up and I was like, I got to go for at least another 50 points.
04:07:21.000 I walked into a different room.
04:07:23.000 I said to you, I said, I swear on my children, I'm done.
04:07:26.000 I go, when I say I'm done, I'm done.
04:07:28.000 I'm done.
04:07:30.000 And I go, we got friends over.
04:07:32.000 I had to go spend the day with Georgia with their thing.
04:07:34.000 I don't have time to work out and I'm not going to do it now. 0.99
04:07:37.000 I'm ready to get fucked up at midnight. 0.97
04:07:39.000 Well, what I knew too was that I was not going to go another 500 to catch me. 0.99
04:07:44.000 I was like that. 0.96
04:07:45.000 If you are going to go, can you please just tell me so I can actually take this dancing when I'm fucking out? 0.97
04:07:51.000 Yeah.
04:07:52.000 Part of it was very nice when Georgia texted me.
04:07:55.000 I got back from spin class.
04:07:57.000 Georgia was at school and texted me and she goes, hey, I need you to do the daddy lunch in set up at nine.
04:08:04.000 And it was like eight o'clock.
04:08:06.000 And I looked at Leanne.
04:08:07.000 I was like, I'm done.
04:08:08.000 I can't.
04:08:09.000 I got really angry.
04:08:10.000 She goes, honey, you lost.
04:08:12.000 She goes, you lost.
04:08:13.000 You lost.
04:08:14.000 Let go of it.
04:08:14.000 I was so competitive.
04:08:16.000 I was so competitive about it.
04:08:17.000 And I went, if I give it really hard today, I can definitely...
04:08:20.000 And she goes, just let go of it.
04:08:22.000 Be a dad.
04:08:22.000 And I couldn't let go of it.
04:08:24.000 I couldn't let go.
04:08:24.000 I had to go lay in bed and just go like...
04:08:26.000 I'm going to give myself 15 minutes to lay in bed and get my head straight.
04:08:30.000 Well, maybe we should consider this.
04:08:31.000 Maybe we should think that this competition is more of a time constraint issue and how much time you have.
04:08:37.000 Yeah, for sure.
04:08:37.000 How much time you have is a lot of it.
04:08:39.000 It's not just being able to do it, but it's making time for it.
04:08:42.000 Right.
04:08:42.000 It was super hard at times because you were like...
04:08:45.000 Social functions.
04:08:46.000 We were like, I want to be able to do this with my friends right now.
04:08:49.000 I can't go with working out. 1.00
04:08:51.000 But that doesn't matter because I know Joe's got two young kids and I would go, he's been there five hours, I'd go, fuck it. 0.99
04:08:58.000 He's got a podcast every day? 0.97
04:09:00.000 Yeah, the thing is I book my podcast whenever I want and what I did was I just scheduled a time where I could work out for at least four hours before I had to be at the podcast.
04:09:08.000 Jesus Christ.
04:09:09.000 Yeah, you can come in here and do it until 20 minutes before a shower and be ready.
04:09:12.000 Sure, so if I had a noon podcast, my...
04:09:15.000 You know, the kids get up early.
04:09:17.000 I'm out of the house at 7. You know, at 7, I'm coming to the gym, or I'm going to, you know, work out in my yard, or I'm going to run the hills.
04:09:26.000 I run the hills a lot.
04:09:28.000 I want to run those hills with you and your dog.
04:09:29.000 Come on, man.
04:09:30.000 We got a bunch of different routes.
04:09:31.000 Oh, I did it once.
04:09:31.000 It was fun.
04:09:31.000 I got a few different routes that I go.
04:09:33.000 Really?
04:09:34.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:09:35.000 Some of them are more steep.
04:09:36.000 One of them is way more severe in the beginning.
04:09:38.000 One of them starts out with a real heavy pitch.
04:09:40.000 It's a real steep, steep, steep beginning.
04:09:43.000 And then it gets harder and harder.
04:09:45.000 And in the end of it, you're running more of a downward slope to kind of cool down.
04:09:49.000 Those are fun sideways.
04:09:50.000 Yeah, it's hard, man.
04:09:52.000 There's something about running hills that I really think is like, it's a survival thing.
04:09:57.000 It's like, if you want to get away, what do you got to do?
04:10:00.000 You got to run.
04:10:00.000 You got to get your body out of there.
04:10:02.000 You can't get your body out of there. 1.00
04:10:04.000 You got to survive, motherfucker. 1.00
04:10:06.000 It's a scary thing, running those hills. 1.00
04:10:08.000 Run! 0.68
04:10:09.000 Run! 0.68
04:10:10.000 Hey, do you have a place that you could...
04:10:15.000 What?
04:10:15.000 I'm pretty hammered.
04:10:16.000 No, I'm just saying run, run.
04:10:18.000 Sorry.
04:10:19.000 You have a place where you can what?
04:10:21.000 Buy elk.
04:10:22.000 I'll give you some.
04:10:23.000 No, no, no, no, no.
04:10:24.000 I got a lot of it.
04:10:25.000 No, I'm live elk.
04:10:26.000 This whole time, this whole month, I would look at your meals and I'd go...
04:10:32.000 I want to start eating elk.
04:10:34.000 Okay.
04:10:35.000 Is there a place that someone listening right now can go buy?
04:10:39.000 I can't find a place to buy elk.
04:10:41.000 No, you can buy some of it from New Zealand.
04:10:43.000 They'll sell it from New Zealand.
04:10:45.000 But you can't buy North American game animals in North America.
04:10:50.000 I couldn't find it to save my life.
04:10:53.000 Yeah, that's because it's not for sale commercially.
04:10:55.000 They raise it in...
04:10:59.000 Hey, what's up, brother?
04:11:01.000 So lit.
04:11:02.000 What's up?
04:11:03.000 Let's go have dinner.
04:11:04.000 We're going to go have dinner.
04:11:05.000 They raise them in New Zealand, in particular.
04:11:07.000 New Zealand has a giant collection of...
04:11:11.000 I forgot this one thing about Sober October.
04:11:14.000 It's that thing you've said before.
04:11:15.000 I thought about it a couple times throughout the month. 1.00
04:11:18.000 Your inner bitch thing. 1.00
04:11:20.000 Conquer your inner bitch. 1.00
04:11:21.000 We talk about that day to quit. 1.00
04:11:24.000 But every day...
04:11:25.000 Here's the thing.
04:11:25.000 I didn't even consider an inner quit voice.
04:11:28.000 Every day I was like, these three fucking cocksuckers are doing it. 1.00
04:11:33.000 So I definitely have to. 1.00
04:11:34.000 And I was doing, for a lot of the month, a lot of the month, I was doing two a days.
04:11:39.000 Yeah, me too.
04:11:40.000 It's crazy.
04:11:40.000 It's crazy.
04:11:42.000 I know.
04:11:42.000 So I'm saying, like, that's...
04:11:44.000 That was one of those things.
04:11:45.000 We're not athletes!
04:11:47.000 We're not athletes!
04:11:47.000 But the interesting thing to me was when you have friends involved, dude, the consideration of even, let's just lay here and chill, wasn't even a consideration.
04:11:56.000 Yeah, it's like, fucking goddamn, I know it's going to be working out. 1.00
04:11:59.000 I was just seeing Burt with that strap on, talking shit. 1.00
04:12:01.000 He was like, whatever a joke you do, I can double up on it. 1.00
04:12:05.000 I can't believe that's real!
04:12:05.000 Scream into the night.
04:12:06.000 Burt.
04:12:08.000 Bert, I want to get a bottle of Cab.
04:12:10.000 I want a Pinot Noir.
04:12:12.000 Let's get like bonin, ribeyes.
04:12:14.000 We're gonna do it up tonight. 1.00
04:12:15.000 Bro, I'm getting fat as fucked. 0.99
04:12:18.000 But here's the thing that Ari pointed out that I think is really important for us to honestly think about. 0.99
04:12:23.000 As human beings, we got to a very good state of fitness and we should really keep it.
04:12:29.000 We should really keep it. 0.99
04:12:31.000 We don't have to do this crazy, stupid fucking thing where we compare our points and we have a prize and a belt every month. 0.99
04:12:38.000 But it wouldn't be a bad idea if we stayed on this system or another system. 0.99
04:12:43.000 You know, just find out what's the best way.
04:12:46.000 Attainable and good for you.
04:12:47.000 And here's the thing that's really important.
04:12:49.000 I think it'll help other people too.
04:12:50.000 There's other people who go like, I want to beat Ari. 1.00
04:12:52.000 I want to beat Joe.
04:12:53.000 I want to beat Tom.
04:12:54.000 I want to beat Bert.
04:12:55.000 I want to beat these guys. 0.61
04:12:56.000 I want to be a part of this. 1.00
04:12:57.000 And then what they'll do, as long as we emphasize this idea of don't fucking kill yourself, because I don't know how close we got to killing ourselves, but we definitely got close to breaking ourselves. 0.98
04:13:08.000 You got close to it. 0.98
04:13:08.000 You got the closest, for sure. 0.98
04:13:10.000 Your body broke down.
04:13:11.000 Well, I don't know what was going on.
04:13:15.000 See, here's the thing. 1.00
04:13:16.000 If it was rhabdo, that shit's super serious. 0.99
04:13:18.000 But my urine was starting to turn darker. 1.00
04:13:20.000 I was like, okay.
04:13:22.000 We didn't even talk about that you broke this bottle.
04:13:24.000 Yeah, I did break a bottle.
04:13:26.000 You sabered a bottle trying to open it.
04:13:29.000 I'm telling you, you should have seen some of my workout sessions.
04:13:31.000 They were confusing.
04:13:32.000 They were confusing.
04:13:33.000 It was like my whole brain had shifted over.
04:13:37.000 To this weird combat mode.
04:13:40.000 It was very strange.
04:13:41.000 Jesus Christ.
04:13:42.000 It was very strange, man.
04:13:44.000 It was very strange.
04:13:45.000 For all of us, I think.
04:13:46.000 I think all of us. 0.99
04:13:47.000 When I looked at Ari, when Ari hit 479 points in a day, I went, oh shit, this is war. 1.00
04:13:52.000 This is war. 0.99
04:13:53.000 It was going for him.
04:13:54.000 I was like, she's going for him.
04:13:55.000 Once I got through those first five, six days, I was like, wait.
04:13:59.000 I don't need Michelle.
04:14:01.000 I think I can actually do this.
04:14:03.000 Dude.
04:14:04.000 You were really gonna put that strap on her? 0.88
04:14:06.000 There was no question, and she had no question about keeping her quiet, and I trusted her. 1.00
04:14:11.000 Fuck. 0.99
04:14:11.000 So what would your plan have been? 0.99
04:14:13.000 Just give it to her all the time? 0.98
04:14:14.000 All the time?
04:14:15.000 Dude, she runs 13 miles a day. 1.00
04:14:17.000 Absolutely.
04:14:18.000 That's what I run. 0.99
04:14:19.000 She's insane. 0.98
04:14:21.000 Yeah.
04:14:22.000 When would you have dropped it on us that you did that?
04:14:26.000 Never.
04:14:26.000 About a year later.
04:14:27.000 A year?
04:14:28.000 Yeah.
04:14:28.000 I would have kept it if not during this podcast.
04:14:30.000 Or I might have said during this podcast, like, hey, guess what? 1.00
04:14:33.000 Fuck yourselves. 1.00
04:14:34.000 I cheated the whole time. 1.00
04:14:35.000 Would you have felt comfortable saying it only if you'd come in, let's say, second?
04:14:38.000 Or even if you had won?
04:14:39.000 Even if I had won, especially if I had won, and you guys had to pay for some fucking fancy trip that you guys all decided on that I had no interest in? 0.96
04:14:45.000 Jesus Christ. 0.92
04:14:45.000 I would have taken it gladly. 0.92
04:14:47.000 I would give my heart rate monitor to Cam Haynes.
04:14:50.000 And then I would make a separate account, a backup account for myself, and I'd try to beat you on my own.
04:14:55.000 A provisional ball.
04:14:56.000 But if I can't, Cam Haynes would definitely beat you, and then I'd be super humble about it.
04:15:02.000 But Cam Haynes did a great effort.
04:15:04.000 How about we do this next year? 0.97
04:15:05.000 I would've given my strap to Bert, and I would've fucking shown you up. 0.99
04:15:09.000 And say, all of you guys join up, and just fucking show your stats. 0.99
04:15:12.000 And we surf to the death. 0.99
04:15:14.000 I'm into this surfing thing.
04:15:16.000 I am too, because I don't know how to surf at all, and I've had two surfers on in a month.
04:15:20.000 Really?
04:15:21.000 I had Kelly Slater, and we had Shane Dorian on just a couple hours ago. 0.98
04:15:24.000 Dude, when they sit in the beach, and they push you, and you start actually surfing, it's fucking fun. 0.94
04:15:31.000 Dude, surfers have the best body in the world. 0.97
04:15:34.000 The best bodies! 0.97
04:15:35.000 Wait a minute, are you guys going gay on me? 0.99
04:15:36.000 I will. 0.99
04:15:37.000 What's that Total Psycho's name?
04:15:40.000 What's his name?
04:15:41.000 Kelly Slater.
04:15:41.000 No, no, no.
04:15:42.000 What's the big wave surfer in Maui? 1.00
04:15:44.000 Oh, fucking Laird Hamilton. 0.99
04:15:46.000 Have you not had him on? 1.00
04:15:47.000 Have you had him on?
04:15:48.000 No, I have not.
04:15:48.000 Dude, please get him on.
04:15:50.000 That dude is a bad motherfucker. 0.99
04:15:51.000 Laird Hamilton's doing a hot underwater workout thing. 1.00
04:15:54.000 Have you seen him?
04:15:55.000 Yeah, he's a beast. 0.84
04:15:56.000 Oh my god. 0.99
04:15:57.000 They're all beasts.
04:15:58.000 Surfers are like a very unusual athlete. 1.00
04:16:01.000 They're wrestling with Mother Nature on a fucking foam board. 0.99
04:16:03.000 He gets dropped off of helicopters onto the weight. 1.00
04:16:06.000 Really? 0.99
04:16:06.000 Dude, Laird Hamilton is next fucking level. 0.99
04:16:10.000 There's a lot of those guys out there. 0.99
04:16:12.000 There's so many really fucking powerful big wave surfers. 0.87
04:16:17.000 I want him on your podcast bad, man. 0.97
04:16:19.000 He'd be a great one.
04:16:21.000 And he's been doing that for like, yeah, Gabby Reese.
04:16:24.000 Gabby Reese went to Florida State.
04:16:25.000 Yeah, she did.
04:16:26.000 Volleyball.
04:16:28.000 The thing about surfing, too, is you also have monsters in the mix.
04:16:31.000 Yeah, sharks.
04:16:33.000 Hey, hey, hey.
04:16:34.000 What?
04:16:35.000 It's already hard.
04:16:36.000 Did you say that Kelly Slater didn't want to talk about sharks?
04:16:39.000 Like, I listened to the podcast, and he was like...
04:16:41.000 No, he was talking about it a little, but I didn't think he emphasized it, because I don't think he thinks it's that big of a deal.
04:16:46.000 He definitely, as a listener, he emphasized that they were there, that they are all there all the time, but he kept dodging it.
04:16:55.000 And I was like, man, it is one of those weird things where you look at a guy that spent that much time in the water and never had to deal with it, and then his friends have. 0.98
04:17:04.000 That's fucking insane, man. 0.99
04:17:06.000 Dude, sharks are fucking terrifying. 1.00
04:17:08.000 That. 0.99
04:17:09.000 Imagine, I mean, you have no control in their world.
04:17:12.000 You're agreeing to being, like, a movement-impaired entity in a struggling alien world.
04:17:20.000 Like, you can't figure out, you can barely get by if you're thrashing your arms and legs, and a shark could just wiggle up and slap! 0.98
04:17:28.000 Take a big chunk out of your leg and you're dead.
04:17:30.000 I was in the water with the great white open water. 0.98
04:17:33.000 Open water?
04:17:34.000 Open water, yeah.
04:17:35.000 Scuba?
04:17:35.000 Snorkel?
04:17:36.000 I didn't have a snorkel on, but I had a mask.
04:17:39.000 Just looking down at them?
04:17:40.000 No, no.
04:17:41.000 I was in the water with it.
04:17:42.000 I was out of the cage and there was a great white.
04:17:44.000 Oh my god, Bert.
04:17:46.000 Dude, you can find this on...
04:17:47.000 I'm sure you can find this online, but...
04:17:49.000 It was, it was, all I knew is that it was the only animal I'd move with that had moved with that much intention.
04:17:55.000 Like everything they did was like, zoom, zoom, zoom.
04:17:57.000 Like the way you get attacked by a cat. 1.00
04:17:59.000 You ever been attacked by a cat and you're like, motherfucker, I can't stop it. 0.99
04:18:03.000 But dude, did you think at any point in time, like, this could be how I go? 0.99
04:18:09.000 I'm in the water with a shark?
04:18:11.000 No, I've been in the water with Grey Whites a couple times. 1.00
04:18:14.000 Fuck. 1.00
04:18:14.000 But no, no, no. 1.00
04:18:16.000 Fuck. 1.00
04:18:18.000 Yeah. 1.00
04:18:18.000 Grey Whites are overwhelming, man. 1.00
04:18:20.000 They really are. 1.00
04:18:21.000 If you went like that now, now it would be a fucking killer video. 0.99
04:18:25.000 Now. 1.00
04:18:26.000 All the shit I did before, I fought a lion, I fought bears. 1.00
04:18:30.000 You did it all. 0.99
04:18:31.000 But now, if I did that, that would go viral.
04:18:33.000 Do it now.
04:18:34.000 Don't listen to these guys.
04:18:35.000 I'm your friend.
04:18:36.000 Do it.
04:18:36.000 Do it.
04:18:37.000 Do it.
04:18:37.000 Do it now.
04:18:38.000 You don't want to do it.
04:18:40.000 You should do it now.
04:18:40.000 I just do stand-up now.
04:18:41.000 I just do stand-up comedy.
04:18:43.000 On the Body Shots World Tour, everyone.
04:18:45.000 New dates added.
04:18:47.000 January 10th until April 1st.
04:18:49.000 How does one find out about this?
04:18:50.000 Go to BurtBurtBurt.com, Joseph.
04:18:52.000 Wow, and are you international?
04:18:53.000 Are you going everywhere?
04:18:54.000 It's going international.
04:18:55.000 It's going through the UK, Scandinavia, Australia, New Zealand.
04:18:58.000 Those states haven't been released yet.
04:18:59.000 But man, I am so happy and so excited.
04:19:01.000 What's the website again?
04:19:02.000 BurtBurtBurt.com with ease.
04:19:05.000 And Tommy, you got some dates.
04:19:07.000 I have some dates too.
04:19:08.000 Yeah, yeah.
04:19:08.000 I'm doing a bunch of dates.
04:19:09.000 TomSegura.com.
04:19:11.000 That's what a pro sounds like.
04:19:12.000 This is what a new theater guy sounds like.
04:19:15.000 Ari Shafir, what you got booked?
04:19:16.000 Well, I got a Netflix special called Double Negative, as always. 1.00
04:19:19.000 Oh, shit, shit, son. 1.00
04:19:21.000 I'm doing a European tour. 1.00
04:19:23.000 Damn! 0.99
04:19:23.000 Break of it to Zurich. 0.99
04:19:25.000 Europa.
04:19:26.000 November 16th through December 9th.
04:19:28.000 Brussels, Copenhagen, Amsterdam, Berlin, tons of places.
04:19:32.000 Oslo.
04:19:33.000 Did you say Kampenhaven?
04:19:34.000 I did, Copenhagen.
04:19:37.000 Kampenhaven?
04:19:38.000 Kampenhaven.
04:19:38.000 Yeah.
04:19:39.000 The people there are like, did you say anything or not?
04:19:42.000 Did you see it or not?
04:19:43.000 Let's go eat. 1.00
04:19:44.000 I got a lot of shit. 1.00
04:19:45.000 Let's do it. 0.99
04:19:46.000 Are we really doing the stadium tour?
04:19:49.000 We should do it.
04:19:49.000 Let's do something big like that.
04:19:52.000 Let's do Madison Square Garden.
04:19:53.000 Yeah, we can do something like that.
04:19:54.000 If we have some break even, let's try it.
04:19:56.000 You know what else I think would be fun?
04:19:57.000 Let's do Red Rocks in Colorado.
04:19:59.000 That would be cool.
04:20:00.000 Here's the cool thing, though.
04:20:02.000 I got an offer from two years from now.
04:20:08.000 One of those, too.
04:20:09.000 Yeah, but I'm saying, like, that's how far... 0.86
04:20:10.000 All right, let's sign up for 20-fucking-21. 0.95
04:20:13.000 Let's weasel in. 1.00
04:20:14.000 We can do a bunch of shit. 1.00
04:20:15.000 Listen, we can have a lot of fun, especially, like, right now, like, where we only have to do 30 each. 1.00
04:20:20.000 Oh, let's do it.
04:20:21.000 Let's do it.
04:20:22.000 I'm in.
04:20:23.000 I'm in 100%. 0.99
04:20:24.000 Let's fucking do it. 0.99
04:20:24.000 I'm in 100%. 0.99
04:20:25.000 Let's have some fun.
04:20:26.000 I'll do it.
04:20:27.000 That would be cool to do that bigger place.
04:20:29.000 Gentlemen, all bullshit aside, this is a really, really fun month. 0.60
04:20:33.000 It was great. 0.97
04:20:34.000 It made me really happy.
04:20:35.000 It was fun.
04:20:37.000 The camaraderie was appreciated.
04:20:38.000 It was exciting. 0.95
04:20:40.000 It was ridiculous. 0.81
04:20:41.000 It was fun, but it was hard. 0.94
04:20:42.000 It was hard. 0.97
04:20:43.000 It was fucking hard, but it was also fun, and it felt good. 1.00
04:20:47.000 Even though I was like, fuck these guys, I'm going to kill these guys. 1.00
04:20:50.000 God damn. 1.00
04:20:52.000 I still was like, wow, I can't believe what everybody's doing. 1.00
04:20:56.000 Everybody was pushing so hard.
04:20:58.000 So hard.
04:20:59.000 I would have never went as hard as I did if it wasn't for you guys.
04:21:02.000 There's not a chance in hell.
04:21:04.000 Not a chance in hell.
04:21:05.000 There's no way I would have gone that hard.
04:21:08.000 No.
04:21:08.000 I've never gone that hard in my life.
04:21:11.000 If you had to put any 31-day month in my life and you put out how much effort I put forth. 0.99
04:21:18.000 God damn. 1.00
04:21:19.000 That's as crazy as... 1.00
04:21:21.000 I probably would have been a better fighter if I trained that hard back when I was competing. 0.99
04:21:26.000 For fucking three non-athletes and one guy was running away from the memory of his father. 1.00
04:21:32.000 We are fucking... 1.00
04:21:33.000 I don't know. 0.99
04:21:36.000 All of us. 1.00
04:21:36.000 Well, listen, we're all fucked up. 1.00
04:21:38.000 But what's important is we showed human potential. 0.99
04:21:40.000 We show its potential.
04:21:42.000 Yeah, we showed that whatever we thought we were capable of, we were capable of so much more.
04:21:46.000 Now the question is whether or not we should continue to put out that kind of effort.
04:21:51.000 I say no.
04:21:52.000 But I do say that we've reached a really healthy, powerful level of fitness.
04:21:57.000 We should definitely keep up some of it.
04:21:59.000 Yeah, we gotta try to do that.
04:22:01.000 But next year we should do something totally different.
04:22:02.000 Totally.
04:22:03.000 Like, whether it's ballet dancing.
04:22:05.000 I like the surfing thing.
04:22:07.000 I love the surfing thing.
04:22:08.000 We should compete each other.
04:22:09.000 And Burt's gonna drink R.E.S.P. right now, right?
04:22:11.000 Burt is gonna drink R.E.S.P. You got kombucha bottle or...
04:22:15.000 Dancing with the Stars next year.
04:22:18.000 Mocha.
04:22:18.000 Mocha.
04:22:19.000 Alright, BertBertBert.com, TomSegura.com, AriTheGreat.com, JoeRogan.com.
04:22:25.000 That's it.
04:22:26.000 That's a wrap.
04:22:27.000 Thanks, man.
04:22:27.000 We did it.
04:22:28.000 We will see you guys in 12 months.
04:22:29.000 Congratulations, champ.
04:22:30.000 Congratulations, everybody.
04:22:31.000 Congratulations, champ.
04:22:31.000 Let's go, champ.
04:22:33.000 Let's go, champ. 0.99
04:22:37.000 Do you know all the comments I got on that GoFundMe, which is just...