The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #12 - Joe Rogan

00:00:02.000 Y'all thought this was over with?

00:00:05.000 This ain't over with.

00:00:08.000 Alright, we're live.

00:00:09.000 We live? 1.00

00:00:10.000 Just shit working? 1.00

00:00:11.000 Bam! 1.00

00:00:11.000 Can we hear each other? 1.00

00:00:13.000 Let me make sure I shut myself off.

00:00:18.000 So I don't hear me.

00:00:21.000 And...

00:00:25.000 Bam! 0.98

00:00:27.000 Hello.

00:00:29.000 Welcome to my weekly podcast on solo.

00:00:31.000 Let me shut the door so nobody interrupts us.

00:00:34.000 Shazam! 0.80

00:00:41.000 I'm back.

00:00:43.000 Riding totally 100% solo this time. 0.94

00:00:47.000 Here to answer your questions, talk to you, see what the fuck's going on out there in the wild world of Twitter.

00:00:54.000 Thank you everybody that tuned in to the show we did yesterday on Sirius. 0.94

00:00:59.000 I did a show for an hour yesterday on Raw Dog, and I'm going to try to do that more often because it's fun.

00:01:07.000 It's fun just to do, even for a goof, but it's a great way to promote gigs and You know, get things cracking.

00:01:16.000 Not this weekend, as in tomorrow and Saturday and Sunday, but next weekend, next Friday, I'm not exactly sure the date, I'll be at Gotham.

00:01:24.000 I think it's the 26th.

00:01:27.000 What's today's date?

00:01:28.000 Seven days.

00:01:29.000 Yeah, the 26th.

00:01:30.000 The 26th, I'll be at Gotham for two shows in New York City.

00:01:35.000 I don't get to New York City very often.

00:01:37.000 I only go there like once every year and a half, two years.

00:01:40.000 And it's already almost sold out. 0.99

00:01:43.000 So if you want to get tickets, you've got to hop on that shit now. 0.99

00:01:47.000 Gotham Comedy Club in New York City. 0.99

00:01:49.000 You know how to use the Google, son!

00:01:52.000 I would throw up links, but if you really want to go, you'll figure it out, right?

00:01:55.000 So, get Eddie on my podcast.

00:01:57.000 I will definitely.

00:01:59.000 Brian was supposed to be...

00:02:00.000 My lips are very shiny today.

00:02:02.000 Brian was supposed to be here today for this one, but he got held in traffic.

00:02:06.000 He's getting boned by the IRS. He owes him back taxes.

00:02:11.000 Pay your taxes, bitches! 1.00

00:02:13.000 That's Uncle Joe's advice for the day. 1.00

00:02:16.000 Pay your fucking taxes. 1.00

00:02:18.000 The worst thing is when the IRS signals you out. 1.00

00:02:22.000 Singles you out as a guy who's not paying taxes and then they just crawl up your asshole and look around. 1.00

00:02:28.000 The tax laws are so gross. 1.00

00:02:29.000 The whole thing is so gross.

00:02:31.000 The idea that you have to pay such a giant percentage of what you make to do what?

00:02:36.000 To keep more people arresting people for buying pot?

00:02:40.000 To do what?

00:02:40.000 To fix the streets?

00:02:41.000 Where the fuck is the money going? 1.00

00:02:43.000 God damn it. 1.00

00:02:45.000 Our machine is just too god damn big. 0.99

00:02:47.000 When you get to a certain amount of money, you get into a 48% tax bracket.

00:02:52.000 You have to pay half of what you make.

00:02:55.000 Half.

00:02:55.000 Literally.

00:02:56.000 That's crazy.

00:02:57.000 The crazy thing is the people who make the more money, the more money you make rather, the higher percentage you have to pay. 1.00

00:03:05.000 So not only do you pay more money just because you make more money, which seems, that seems rational to me, but the fact that you pay a higher percent, that's just like saying, listen, we know you got it, fuck you, give us the money. 0.98

00:03:17.000 I mean, it's really that simple. 0.95

00:03:18.000 It doesn't make any sense that someone who makes more money Somehow or another uses a higher percentage of resources?

00:03:26.000 That's completely unfair.

00:03:28.000 It makes no sense, but people just accept it. 0.99

00:03:31.000 They just accept it, and they just take it in the ass, and the machine keeps rolling on. 0.99

00:03:37.000 There will be no end. 0.99

00:03:39.000 I will there.

00:03:40.000 We'll go to, first, the Twitter to check it out.

00:03:44.000 The Twitter feed that is on the Ustream page, which is ustream.tv channel slash joe-rogan-live.

00:03:54.000 That's where you're at.

00:03:55.000 And then I'll also go to forums.joe-rogan.net.

00:03:59.000 That's my website.

00:04:00.000 And there's a forum up there dedicated to this particular, or rather a thread dedicated to this particular broadcast. 0.99

00:04:08.000 And so I'll answer some questions from there too, you motherfucker. 0.99

00:04:12.000 Pull out of Iran, Afghan, and you'd save a fortune. 1.00

00:04:15.000 What is that?

00:04:18.000 That's a simple way of looking at it, right?

00:04:22.000 CMC Dermo 73. That's a simple way of looking at it.

00:04:25.000 Everybody says pull out, but why the fuck are we there in the first place? 0.97

00:04:28.000 What is going on? 0.96

00:04:30.000 Is it as simple as...

00:04:32.000 You know, we're over there because we need to keep these terrorists from becoming strong. 0.98

00:04:38.000 We need to go and attack them at their base.

00:04:41.000 Okay, if that was what was agreed, that that's the reason why we're there, but there's a lot of people that say that doesn't make any sense.

00:04:48.000 There's a lot of people that say there's very few Taliban that are actually left in Afghanistan, that we have other motives, and that these motives might be the natural gas pipeline that runs through Afghanistan, which everybody apparently has been trying to control for years, or Also very overlooked and a subject that people like, they kind of poo-poo it and they make it seem like it's not that big a deal, is the opium market.

00:05:08.000 Afghanistan produces some 90-something percent of the entire world's opium.

00:05:14.000 The entire world's poppy seeds, the entire world's heroin, more than 90% of it is produced in Afghanistan. 1.00

00:05:21.000 That's fucking crazy, right? 0.99

00:05:23.000 You hear about that, you're like, there's a lot of goddamn money in heroin. 1.00

00:05:26.000 There's a lot of goddamn money in opium. 0.99

00:05:28.000 I mean, if all of it is being produced, literally, almost all of it, in this one place, like, someone's making some fucking money off that. 0.99

00:05:36.000 It's not like the U.S. got in there and they stopped making heroin. 0.93

00:05:39.000 No, there's more heroin now.

00:05:40.000 Heroin, apparently, you talk to people who know, I know people who do heroin and they say there's more heroin and it's easier to get now. 1.00

00:05:48.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

00:05:50.000 What is really going on? 1.00

00:05:52.000 Then you find out that the president of Afghanistan, this is absolute fact, president of Afghanistan, his brother, It was being paid by the CIA for years.

00:06:04.000 Like, our government dollars were going to pay the brother of the president of Afghanistan who's in the poppy business.

00:06:12.000 This guy is involved in the opium trade.

00:06:16.000 This guy is involved in the heroin trade.

00:06:18.000 And he's an employee of the CIA. Like, really?

00:06:24.000 Is it that blatant?

00:06:25.000 Is it that obvious? 0.99

00:06:27.000 There's, for sure, there's a ton of fucking corruption when it comes to the higher levels of government. 0.99

00:06:33.000 But are they really selling drugs? 0.99

00:06:35.000 Are they really doing it that openly? 0.77

00:06:37.000 It seems ridiculous, right?

00:06:39.000 It seems like there's no way that could be possible. 0.98

00:06:41.000 There's no way it could be that corrupt.

00:06:43.000 If it was, we would have heard about it.

00:06:45.000 But when you start researching the history of the CIA, like, they've been accused of doing this forever.

00:06:51.000 Not just accused of doing this by people who don't make any sense, like crazy people and, you know...

00:06:56.000 Internet conspiracy theorists, but no, they've been accused of doing it by people who used to work for the CIA. They've been accused of doing it by people who have actually just flown in the drugs.

00:07:05.000 There's a great case about a guy named Barry Seals from Mena, Arkansas.

00:07:09.000 This guy used to fly into Mena, Arkansas and drop off big packages of cocaine.

00:07:14.000 I think we talked about this before.

00:07:16.000 And anyway, these two kids inadvertently were there when the cocaine got dropped.

00:07:21.000 They witnessed what had happened.

00:07:24.000 So they took these kids and they murdered them and they left their bodies on the train tracks.

00:07:29.000 And the official excuse that the police used was that these kids had gotten high.

00:07:34.000 And that they had fallen asleep on the plane tracks because they were on drugs.

00:07:38.000 Well, the mothers of the kids forced autopsies. 1.00

00:07:42.000 The parents forced autopsies.

00:07:44.000 They didn't want to do autopsies, but they forced them.

00:07:46.000 They got them done, and it turns out that these kids had been murdered.

00:07:49.000 They had been stabbed multiple times before they had been put on these train tracks.

00:07:54.000 So then the investigation goes further, and it turns out this guy named Barry Seals, who's a CIA employee, and there's, you know, documented.

00:08:03.000 This guy's got a great, long history with the CIA. There's, you know, tons of pictures.

00:08:08.000 There's tons of, you know, documentation on this guy.

00:08:10.000 And this guy was flying in drugs from South America.

00:08:13.000 And that's what he did.

00:08:14.000 He did it for the CIA. And right when he was about to go testify, the guy gets murdered.

00:08:19.000 He gets assassinated with George Bush's phone number in his pocket.

00:08:25.000 So there's that guy.

00:08:26.000 There's another guy named Michael Rupert.

00:08:29.000 Michael Rupert has a website now and he's got a bunch of books on the whole situation.

00:08:34.000 But his story is that he was working for the LAPD. I'm not sure if he worked in narcotics, but he was involved somehow or another in some narcotics case.

00:08:45.000 And it turns out that the CIA was involved, and the CIA was protecting these people, and the CIA was selling drugs.

00:08:52.000 And he went to try to report it, they squashed everything, and he just went public with everything.

00:08:58.000 And it's, you know, he gets very little attention.

00:09:01.000 I mean, it's really shocking how little attention he gets.

00:09:04.000 But he's a fascinating dude, this Michael Rupert guy.

00:09:08.000 He's got a couple really fascinating books.

00:09:11.000 I think The End of the Rubicon is one, and That's the one I've read.

00:09:17.000 He's got a few other ones, but basically going into great depth and detail, all of his research on the CIA and their involvement in drugs.

00:09:26.000 Why?

00:09:26.000 Why would they do that?

00:09:27.000 Why would our government do that? 0.99

00:09:29.000 There's a lot of goddamn money in it. 0.97

00:09:31.000 I think they could justify that there's so much money Involved in drugs and someone's gonna make that money people are addicted to drugs like why don't we make that money and at least that money is being made by the good guys I mean that's like the most idealistic point of view make sure your kids don't do drugs make sure no one you love does drugs but let's be honest there are people out there that are gonna do drugs and if anybody should make the money it should be the good guys I can see people falling for that but the bottom line is It's all greed. 0.99

00:10:00.000 It's all nasty, evil greed.

00:10:02.000 That's the whole reason why some drugs are legal and some drugs are illegal.

00:10:07.000 It's because when they make them illegal, they can control what you do.

00:10:10.000 You can't control things that are really easy to grow like marijuana.

00:10:14.000 It's one of the main reasons why marijuana is illegal. 0.84

00:10:16.000 It's because it's so goddamn easy to grow.

00:10:19.000 You can just plant seeds out in a field. 0.84

00:10:20.000 It'll grow on its own.

00:10:21.000 You don't even need to help it.

00:10:23.000 I mean, it's a really hardy plant. 1.00

00:10:25.000 And I know a lot of morons that grow pot. 1.00

00:10:28.000 And when it's an easy thing to do like that, you can't control that. 1.00

00:10:32.000 They're not going to be able to control it.

00:10:34.000 There's going to be people selling it left and right. 0.87

00:10:35.000 They're not going to get taxes from that because people are just going to exchange cash or whatever the fuck they're going to do with it.

00:10:41.000 You're not going to be able to wrap something up the way that you can wrap up Oxycontins or something like that.

00:10:46.000 It's very difficult to produce an Oxycontin.

00:10:48.000 You know, they like that.

00:10:49.000 They don't like heroin.

00:10:50.000 Heroin is just like, what are you doing? 0.99

00:10:52.000 You're growing a plant and then you're scraping some shit off the plant and you're selling it? 0.99

00:10:55.000 No! 1.00

00:10:55.000 Stop! 1.00

00:10:56.000 That's illegal.

00:10:57.000 We won't let you do that. 0.99

00:10:58.000 But we will let you buy these pills that are basically the same goddamn thing. 0.97

00:11:03.000 They're just made by a pharmaceutical company and they process it. 0.98

00:11:05.000 And they make this orally ingestible heroin.

00:11:08.000 And that's what OxyContin is.

00:11:10.000 I mean, it literally, they call it hillbilly heroin. 1.00

00:11:12.000 It's fucking heroin. 1.00

00:11:13.000 It really is heroin. 1.00

00:11:14.000 You're just eating it.

00:11:16.000 You know, you're eating it in a pill form.

00:11:17.000 Just like Marinol is THC in a pill form. 0.99

00:11:21.000 But that stuff's supposed to suck.

00:11:23.000 I've talked to people and say that, first of all, THC is only one active element in marijuana. 0.96

00:11:27.000 There's a whole bunch of them.

00:11:28.000 It's way better to get the actual stuff from the plant.

00:11:31.000 You know, I don't know if that's true with heroin.

00:11:33.000 I've never done heroin.

00:11:34.000 I've never done Marinol either.

00:11:35.000 I wouldn't do heroin.

00:11:36.000 I'm scared of anything that's addictive.

00:11:39.000 But if I was a musician, I might consider it.

00:11:44.000 I might snort a little every now and then.

00:11:46.000 Write down once today and never again or something.

00:11:49.000 Try to convince myself that somehow or another I wouldn't be addicted.

00:11:51.000 I don't know how addictive it really is.

00:11:54.000 I hear varying reports.

00:11:56.000 The problem I have whenever someone talks about things being addictive and not being addictive is that alcohol is addictive.

00:12:04.000 People get addicted to alcohol, but I'm not addicted to it, so I don't get that.

00:12:08.000 I mean, I could...

00:12:09.000 If someone told me right now I could never have another beer or another glass of wine for the rest of my life, I'd be like, okay.

00:12:16.000 I mean, I enjoy it. 0.98

00:12:18.000 I like having a shot every now and then with my friends just to get fucking crazy. 0.97

00:12:21.000 A shot before a show is fun. 0.93

00:12:23.000 But realistically, it's not that important.

00:12:26.000 I don't need it.

00:12:27.000 It's not really addictive to me.

00:12:29.000 But to some people, it is.

00:12:30.000 Okay, is that the case with heroin?

00:12:32.000 Is that the case with...

00:12:33.000 Cigarettes seem to be the one they've got the most wired.

00:12:37.000 Cigarettes seem to be the one they can addict the most people to.

00:12:41.000 Because there's a lot of people that don't get addicted to the normal stuff.

00:12:45.000 There's a lot of people that drink coffee and they drink it all the time, but they can just quit and it doesn't bother them at all. 0.99

00:12:50.000 And there's some people that if they don't have coffee every day, they're fucked. 0.99

00:12:54.000 Those people are addicted to caffeine. 0.99

00:12:56.000 When I was writing my blog, I was writing a monthly blog right before I recorded my Spike TV comedy special.

00:13:05.000 I wanted to make sure I kept my brain real sharp.

00:13:08.000 And I said, well, the best way to do that is to perform as much as I can, but also write as much as I can.

00:13:12.000 So I forced myself into writing a blog every day for a whole month.

00:13:17.000 And when I did that, you know, I was drinking a lot of coffee. 0.95

00:13:21.000 And I was drinking French press coffee, where it's like, it's really fucking strong. 0.90

00:13:26.000 You know? 0.96

00:13:26.000 And I make it strong, too. 0.96

00:13:27.000 I like it.

00:13:28.000 I like a strong cup of coffee. 0.99

00:13:30.000 But the problem is, I was drinking this shit like two, three cups a day, and then I did it like 30 days in a row. 0.98

00:13:36.000 And there was one point in time where I didn't drink it for a day, and I had a headache. 0.98

00:13:40.000 And it was like a...

00:13:41.000 Like my brain was getting accustomed to having all these stimulants in it.

00:13:47.000 And then I realized, okay, this is not good. 1.00

00:13:49.000 I gotta stop that shit. 1.00

00:13:50.000 Lately I've been drinking tea. 1.00

00:13:51.000 Brian turned me out to this thing.

00:13:53.000 This is like this...

00:13:55.000 You put the tea leaves in there and then you put the water in there.

00:14:00.000 You don't have to have a tea bag.

00:14:03.000 You can get fresh tea leaves.

00:14:04.000 It tastes good.

00:14:05.000 Sometimes I need something warm to drink.

00:14:07.000 It's like, it's just like, my friend Tate, he says it best.

00:14:11.000 He said, coffee's like a warm hug.

00:14:14.000 But I got addicted to coffee.

00:14:16.000 But, I mean, I was only addicted for like a couple days.

00:14:18.000 A couple days of not drinking it, just drinking water and everything was back to normal again, luckily.

00:14:22.000 But this was 30 days in a row, not 30 years in a row.

00:14:26.000 You know, I couldn't imagine that. 0.99

00:14:27.000 But cigarettes seem to be the one that they've got the most nailed as to how to just get you fucking hooked. 0.77

00:14:34.000 You know, there's an article that I read recently where they were discussing all the different additives that the government allows them to put into cigarettes. 0.95

00:14:42.000 And there's 599 of them. 0.99

00:14:45.000 How fucking nuts is that? 0.98

00:14:47.000 There's 599 different chemicals. 1.00

00:14:50.000 And you look at them, unless you're some sort of a pharma chemist sort of a character, you're not going to have any idea what the fuck they are. 0.97

00:14:56.000 And there's 599 of them in cigarettes. 1.00

00:15:00.000 Aren't cigarettes just supposed to be fucking tobacco? 1.00

00:15:02.000 Like, what the fuck is going on? 1.00

00:15:04.000 What is that? 1.00

00:15:05.000 I mean, are they preservatives?

00:15:07.000 Is it like that Russell Crowe movie, The Insider? 0.99

00:15:11.000 Is all that shit actually designed to make it more addictive? 0.98

00:15:15.000 It's one of the most damning things I think about politicians is that they never talk about cigarettes. 0.99

00:15:19.000 They always want to talk about the bad drugs out there and the terrible things that can happen if your kids get involved in drugs.

00:15:28.000 But nobody wants to ban cigarettes.

00:15:31.000 Nobody ever says that. 1.00

00:15:32.000 And it's because those fucking tobacco companies spend a bankroll. 1.00

00:15:37.000 They spend a fuckload of money. 1.00

00:15:40.000 Alright. 0.97

00:15:41.000 What else?

00:15:43.000 Let me go to the questions here.

00:15:45.000 There's a lot of questions and they keep moving fast. 0.99

00:15:47.000 And I'm a rambling motherfucker. 0.98

00:15:51.000 Joe, wear a different color shirt in the UFC broadcast next time. 0.99

00:15:56.000 No.

00:15:57.000 No.

00:15:58.000 I like wearing black shirts.

00:16:00.000 And I get them for free.

00:16:02.000 I get clothes from Affliction for free. 0.82

00:16:04.000 They send me some cool shit so that I don't make fun of them anymore. 0.66

00:16:08.000 I like their stuff. 0.58

00:16:09.000 I like some of their stuff.

00:16:10.000 There was some scully stuff that was just a little too scully and flamey for me.

00:16:16.000 But I got a pair of their dragon jeans.

00:16:19.000 They got dope leather jackets too.

00:16:20.000 And I like their Japanese styled stuff.

00:16:24.000 They had all that...

00:16:25.000 I forget the man's name. 0.81

00:16:26.000 A tattoo artist designed a bunch of t-shirts for them that were really fucking cool. 0.69

00:16:31.000 Like right up my alley. 0.90

00:16:32.000 Like tiger versus samurai type stuff.

00:16:34.000 I got a bunch of those.

00:16:35.000 I love those.

00:16:36.000 But apparently that guy...

00:16:39.000 He was selling his same designs to a couple different t-shirt companies and they had to get rid of him because it's some sort of a copyright lawsuit thing going on. 0.98

00:16:48.000 Affliction Crows are fucking brutal. 0.98

00:16:51.000 Ed Hardy is the most brutal to me. 0.99

00:16:53.000 Ed Hardy should assassinate John from Johnny K Plus 8 because that guy single-handedly made Ed Hardy shirts.

00:17:00.000 That is just like, that's the gold stamp.

00:17:03.000 Bang! 1.00

00:17:03.000 Douchebag. 1.00

00:17:04.000 When that guy started wearing it everywhere, I think Ed Hardy was probably paying him But little did they know that that just put the fucking, the douche label on the Ed Hardy. 0.99

00:17:15.000 There's a chick that's one of the morning DJs in Denver. 1.00

00:17:19.000 Her name's Missy. 0.98

00:17:21.000 And she calls them douche capes. 0.99

00:17:24.000 Which is the perfect way to describe them.

00:17:27.000 douche capes Glad you guys liked the Raw Dog Show.

00:17:42.000 That was fun.

00:17:43.000 That was real fun.

00:17:44.000 Am I coming to Australia anytime again soon?

00:17:45.000 I'll be in Australia next time the UFC's gonna be there.

00:17:48.000 I really can't fly over there just to fly over there.

00:17:52.000 I don't have the time.

00:17:53.000 It's too long. 0.99

00:17:54.000 16 fucking hours in the air. 0.99

00:17:56.000 I enjoyed the shit out of it though. 1.00

00:17:58.000 I had a great goddamn time. 0.98

00:18:00.000 That strongest man dude that's going to fight Tim Sylvia? 0.98

00:18:04.000 Aaron Davies asked me a question.

00:18:06.000 There's this guy, Pujanowski, who's like one of the, he won strongman competition like many times.

00:18:12.000 And he's scheduled to fight Tim Sylvia, who's a former UFC heavyweight champion.

00:18:17.000 I'm looking at that fight and everybody's like going, oh I want to see this fight, this is a great fight, this is a great fight.

00:18:23.000 Tim Sylvia can fight. 0.98

00:18:24.000 Like, just because Ray Merchant knocked him out, just because, like, he's lost to a couple different guys like Fedor, there's a big goddamn difference between losing to Fedor and losing to a guy who's had one fight and is really good at lifting shit. 0.99

00:18:36.000 That guy's going to get his ass handed to him. 0.99

00:18:37.000 If Tim Sylvia loses that fight, there's something wrong. 0.99

00:18:41.000 He's got something wrong with him and he probably shouldn't fight anymore.

00:18:43.000 I think Tim Sylvia should be able to keep that dude at bay.

00:18:46.000 I mean, all he is is big and strong.

00:18:48.000 I mean, I just cannot see a world where Tim Sylvia doesn't bomb on that guy as he's coming in, you know?

00:18:55.000 I mean, I could be wrong.

00:18:56.000 He could just get completely overwhelmed by the power, but technique is more important than power in fighting.

00:19:03.000 And if one guy...

00:19:05.000 You can hate on Tim Sylvia all you want.

00:19:07.000 The guy was the UFC heavyweight champion. 0.99

00:19:08.000 And he wasn't because he sucked. 0.94

00:19:10.000 Go watch his fight with Rico Rodriguez. 0.95

00:19:12.000 Watch some of his fights.

00:19:14.000 Watch when he head kicked Trey Tellingman. 1.00

00:19:16.000 He's fucking dangerous, man. 0.98

00:19:18.000 Tim Sylvia is one of the most underrated and underlooked guys. 0.99

00:19:22.000 Yeah, he got knocked out by Ray Mercer.

00:19:24.000 But guess what?

00:19:25.000 Ray Mercer connects on your head like that.

00:19:27.000 Everyone's going out. 1.00

00:19:28.000 He definitely fucked up. 1.00

00:19:29.000 And he definitely didn't fight smart in that fight. 1.00

00:19:30.000 Without a doubt.

00:19:31.000 but you can't write him off just because of one performance. 0.99

00:19:34.000 He's still accomplished a lot of dangerous shit. 0.99

00:19:37.000 He's always been a sucker for that overhand right. 1.00

00:19:38.000 That's what, I shouldn't say a sucker, but he's gotten hit with it before. 0.95

00:19:42.000 Randy Couture dropped him with it.

00:19:44.000 That's what Arlovsky hit him with, and that's also obviously what Ray Mercer hit him with.

00:19:48.000 He's got a lazy jab, they say.

00:19:50.000 But I think that Pudinowski guy is like, wow, you're jumping into the deep end of the pool, son.

00:19:56.000 Tim Sylvia's not that old.

00:19:58.000 Tim Sylvia has had some tough fights, but not that much.

00:20:02.000 No, I think that's going to be a real tough fight for that Pusinowski guy.

00:20:04.000 I could be wrong.

00:20:05.000 I could be wrong. 0.99

00:20:06.000 He might do those running fucking leg kicks like he did to that other dude, where he just basically ran at him like a bull. 1.00

00:20:11.000 But that other guy, comparing him to Tim Sylvia is just ridiculous. 1.00

00:20:15.000 He's smaller. 0.98

00:20:17.000 He's not nearly as experienced.

00:20:18.000 He's just a boxer.

00:20:20.000 I mean, there's so many differences between...

00:20:22.000 The first guy he fought and fighting the UFC heavyweight champ. 0.99

00:20:25.000 That's fucking, that's pretty crazy. 0.97

00:20:27.000 He might not even get to him because he's got to fight in between then. 0.99

00:20:30.000 He's got to fight before that.

00:20:32.000 I think in April he's fighting someone else and then he's going to fight Tim Sillia right after that.

00:20:37.000 He might not beat that guy that he's fighting in April.

00:20:39.000 I mean, if a guy knows how to fight, it's just a big goddamn difference between a guy that's just strong. 0.72

00:20:44.000 He's going to leave openings, man. 0.77

00:20:46.000 If he leaves openings, someone's going to catch him.

00:20:49.000 And if someone's going to catch him, he can't put muscles in your face.

00:20:52.000 I don't know exactly what kind of a background he has in fighting other than being super strong.

00:20:58.000 Didn't look like much.

00:20:59.000 He looked real stiff. 1.00

00:21:00.000 Once he hits you, if he gets a hold of you and starts hitting you, you're fucked. 1.00

00:21:03.000 But it's all that before he gets a hold of you stuff. 1.00

00:21:06.000 It's all herky-jerky, all muscle, no technique.

00:21:11.000 I think it's going to be interesting. 1.00

00:21:13.000 But when a guy's that strong, all that has to do is learn a few techniques, get him really good, and fuck. 0.99

00:21:19.000 You're talking about a guy that literally is one of the strongest men to walk the planet. 0.99

00:21:24.000 If you could teach that guy...

00:21:25.000 Teach that guy some solid wrestling.

00:21:28.000 Teach that guy just a good mount. 0.69

00:21:30.000 Just a few moves. 1.00

00:21:32.000 Just teach them how to keep his hands up, close the distance, teach them some takedowns, and teach them to get on top of dudes and just smush their fucking head. 1.00

00:21:40.000 A guy like that, if you taught him some shit, he would only need a few things just because he's so goddamn strong. 0.99

00:21:47.000 A few things he would be able to beat a lot of guys. 1.00

00:21:49.000 But Tim Sylvia?

00:21:50.000 Ooh, I don't know about that son!

00:21:52.000 I don't know about that son!

00:21:56.000 Let's see what else we got here. 1.00

00:21:59.000 I watched a video today of a dude who cut his fucking balls off. 1.00

00:22:06.000 Somebody posted it on my message board. 1.00

00:22:12.000 This guy, it says something, crazy Aussie man, or deranged Aussie man, that's the thread, cuts his balls off. 1.00

00:22:17.000 This guy tied a rubber band around his balls until his balls, like, literally died. 1.00

00:22:24.000 Like, they turned, like, dead and gray. 1.00

00:22:27.000 And then he hacked his balls off with a knife. 1.00

00:22:33.000 Really? 0.99

00:22:34.000 Do you want to see it?

00:22:35.000 If you want to see it, you know what, I'll throw the link. 0.99

00:22:38.000 I'll just let everybody know that it's fucking completely disgusting. 0.98

00:22:41.000 There's no way you should really be watching this. 0.96

00:22:44.000 But if you want to, I will copy the link.

00:22:49.000 And I'm going to post it on Twitter.

00:22:51.000 And I'm going to say do not wash this.

00:22:53.000 I'm going to say do not wash this.

00:23:23.000 Okay.

00:23:33.000 Alright.

00:23:35.000 I just posted it on Twitter.

00:23:37.000 Don't watch it.

00:23:39.000 You don't need to.

00:23:40.000 Unless someone has done you wrong, unless maybe Sandra Bullock is out there.

00:23:47.000 Sandra, I know that you've had some tough times recently, and I saw recently online the photos of this young lady that Jesse James allegedly has had an affair with. 0.99

00:24:01.000 And, uh, you might want to watch the video of the guy cutting his balls off. 0.99

00:24:07.000 The rest of you, no. 0.99

00:24:08.000 But this is a message to Sandra Bullock.

00:24:09.000 You need to know, sweetie, that there's a broad spectrum to human beings and human behavior. 0.99

00:24:15.000 And it's, you know, life isn't what you see at the craft service table when everyone's kissing your ass on the set. 1.00

00:24:20.000 There's a lot of crazy shit out there. 1.00

00:24:22.000 And, uh, this crazy fucking skank with a tattoo on her forehead fucked her husband. 1.00

00:24:31.000 It's a mad world. 1.00

00:24:32.000 It's a fucking mad world. 0.99

00:24:35.000 If you looked at Sandra Bullock and you looked at Jesse James, you know, you'd say, well, you know, he's a rough, fucking handsome character and she's a beautiful woman. 0.99

00:24:45.000 They make a great couple. 0.98

00:24:48.000 And I showed you this freak with a tattooed on her head. 1.00

00:24:51.000 This crazy bitch that he's apparently been banging. 1.00

00:24:54.000 And I said, what do you think that he would cheat on her for her? 1.00

00:24:57.000 You're going, what? 1.00

00:24:58.000 The fuck is that? 1.00

00:24:59.000 No, he's Jesse James, right? 1.00

00:25:00.000 This guy's a fucking TV star and he's married to Sandra Bullock. 1.00

00:25:03.000 He's not going to fuck this crazy bitch with a tattoo on her head. 1.00

00:25:09.000 And why did he do it? 1.00

00:25:10.000 Because people are fucking deranged. 1.00

00:25:12.000 People are crazy. 1.00

00:25:14.000 They can't help themselves. 0.99

00:25:16.000 They're looking for something just to blow energy out somehow.

00:25:23.000 What are they going to do?

00:25:25.000 Do some drugs?

00:25:25.000 Cheat on their wife?

00:25:26.000 Drive too fast?

00:25:27.000 Get a motorcycle? 0.99

00:25:28.000 What the fuck are they going to do? 0.99

00:25:29.000 If you read Tiger Woods' stuff and I can't fucking help it, Some new skank came out with all his Twitters, or not his Twitters, his text messages that he sent to her. 1.00

00:25:38.000 I'm like, first of all, what kind of a relationship did he have with these girls that they would want to put his, like, didn't even, or was he even friends with them? 0.84

00:25:46.000 It seems like these girls, like, don't even, like, they didn't even talk to him. 0.98

00:25:52.000 It seems like this thing was just all fucking. 0.97

00:25:56.000 And because of that, I think they felt slighted. 0.98

00:26:00.000 And that's what I'm getting out of this.

00:26:02.000 I'm getting that they felt slighted.

00:26:03.000 That here's this guy with the most squeaky clean image in the world.

00:26:07.000 And this image is what he used to make a ton of money.

00:26:11.000 And, you know, he's like a super successful guy at the most, you know, like lucrative sport in the world and the sport, the most connected to money, to big businesses, to, I mean, so many, like, it's so important to be like the best golfer ever.

00:26:27.000 I'm like, God, it's just a, such a huge thing, like to market and sell that.

00:26:31.000 And so here's this guy. 1.00

00:26:33.000 And meanwhile, he's just a dirty bitch. 1.00

00:26:35.000 Just talking about taking it out of their ass, stuffing it in their mouth. 1.00

00:26:39.000 That was in his text. 1.00

00:26:41.000 He's like, this motherfucker was crazy. 1.00

00:26:43.000 You know, it's pretty clear that it's more than just, oh, you know, he thought he could get away with it. 1.00

00:26:50.000 Oh, you know, he's just a man.

00:26:53.000 No, no, no, no. 0.95

00:26:54.000 He was deranged. 1.00

00:26:56.000 Alright, people are crazy. 0.83

00:26:57.000 He was getting a wild thrill from doing this thing that he wasn't supposed to be doing. 1.00

00:27:03.000 It was all like naughty shit. 1.00

00:27:04.000 He wanted to piss on girls. 1.00

00:27:05.000 He was saying, I want to give you a golden shower. 1.00

00:27:07.000 But the crazy thing is, Tiger Woods was sending texts, I want to stuff my cock in your ass. 1.00

00:27:12.000 And then put it in your mouth like, whoa, Tiger! 1.00

00:27:15.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:27:17.000 Like, man, if you're going to send a text like that to someone, you've got to make sure that that person's your friend.

00:27:23.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.98

00:27:24.000 If you're fucking Tiger Woods, you can't just go sending texts like that to people. 0.99

00:27:29.000 You've got to go, hey, if I sent you a text and it's really crazy, will you promise me that you won't sell this later? 1.00

00:27:36.000 You gotta say something. 0.99

00:27:38.000 You gotta just fucking freeball like that, Tiger. 1.00

00:27:41.000 Does Tiger Woods have any fucking friends? 0.99

00:27:44.000 Because I feel like if he had any friends, they would be going, dude, what are you doing? 1.00

00:27:47.000 Like, you're banging waitresses and people are watching.

00:27:50.000 You know, like, you gotta take it down a notch.

00:27:53.000 You know?

00:27:54.000 Get... 1.00

00:27:55.000 You know, get a hooker who has something to lose. 1.00

00:27:58.000 But who has something to lose in comparison to him, though? 0.96

00:28:00.000 Nobody.

00:28:01.000 If you're a guy like that, you can really never trust anybody. 1.00

00:28:05.000 You know, if that's what you're doing, if you're a wild guy that likes to cheat on your wife, and you're a fucking billionaire, super squeaky clean character, who the fuck can you trust? 0.99

00:28:15.000 Like, that guy, man, what a predicament. 0.99

00:28:18.000 He would have to go somewhere where they didn't know who he was.

00:28:20.000 He'd have to go to, like, Malaysia to cheat.

00:28:23.000 Poor fella.

00:28:25.000 Poor fella.

00:28:28.000 What do I think of James Toney?

00:28:30.000 I'm disturbed by James Toney, his recent speeches.

00:28:35.000 I don't know what's going on with him physically.

00:28:39.000 I guess he wants to fight heavyweight.

00:28:42.000 I've heard that he says he wants to fight Brock Lesnar.

00:28:45.000 If that's the case, I think maybe the best thing to do to get this over with is just give him Brock Lesnar.

00:28:51.000 If James Toney loses to somebody, the way I look at it is James Toney, obviously, all the respect in the world as a boxer, all-time, really one of the craftiest guys to come along in decades.

00:29:04.000 And a guy who really utilized that old, like, Archie Moore, you know, like, shoulder roll style.

00:29:11.000 Like, had a real classic old-timers boxing style.

00:29:15.000 Like, real good at, like, rolling with punches, then coming back.

00:29:19.000 Like, his counter right hand is against John Ruiz.

00:29:22.000 There's, like, a YouTube clip of him.

00:29:23.000 Like, you see how beautiful his timing was.

00:29:25.000 And, like, when he just destroyed Evander Holyfield in their fight, man.

00:29:29.000 He's just so, he's so skillful as a boxer.

00:29:32.000 Very, very skillful.

00:29:34.000 But...

00:29:35.000 There's so much more to MMA than just boxing.

00:29:39.000 And I'm not hearing about him going to American Top Team.

00:29:41.000 I'm not hearing about him going to Team Quest.

00:29:45.000 I'm not hearing about him going to high-level camps to work with big wrestlers.

00:29:50.000 They're going to try to take him down.

00:29:52.000 Because otherwise, I'm hearing him say he's going to fight Brock Lesnar.

00:29:57.000 I'm hearing one of two things. 0.99

00:29:58.000 I'm either hearing he doesn't give a fuck, he's just here to get paid. 1.00

00:30:01.000 Or I'm hearing he is crazy. 1.00

00:30:04.000 And he thinks that he's going to be able to stop Brock Lesnar from taking him down by hitting him with a punch. 0.68

00:30:09.000 Either one is not good, because one of them means he's delusional, that he doesn't really understand what this is all about, and the other one means that he's just a guy who's looking for money.

00:30:18.000 Either one is not that good.

00:30:20.000 I don't know.

00:30:21.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:30:23.000 Boxing is a tough goddamn game. 0.97

00:30:24.000 And when you've been in it as long as James Toney has, even though he doesn't take that much punishment, you've got to realize these guys at a certain point in time, they only have a certain amount more punches you can take. 1.00

00:30:37.000 There's a finite number, and after that number, you're fucked. 0.92

00:30:42.000 And I think the thing with James Toney is he has this incredible confidence in his hands. 0.98

00:30:48.000 And he really, truly believes that if a guy like Brock Lesnar tries to take him down, that he's going to be able to connect.

00:30:54.000 And with those little gloves, he's going to put him to sleep.

00:30:58.000 I think it looks a lot easier than it is.

00:31:01.000 That's what I think.

00:31:01.000 I think if he starts training with high-level guys, he goes and, you know, work out with, you know, King Mo, work out with some, like, high-level wrestlers and see how easy it is for those guys to take you down.

00:31:11.000 You know, you think you're just going to catch them with an uppercut?

00:31:13.000 You can't throw punches the same way.

00:31:16.000 When you're worried about a guy taking you down.

00:31:18.000 The timing is not the same.

00:31:19.000 You can't stand the same way.

00:31:21.000 If you stand the same way, they're going to kick your legs out and they're going to take you down easy.

00:31:25.000 So you have to change your stance.

00:31:26.000 So you not only have to change your stance as a boxer, you have to constantly be thinking about sprawling, constantly be thinking about getting your underhooks in.

00:31:33.000 It's not the same sport.

00:31:35.000 It's not.

00:31:36.000 The punching ability that he has is a huge plus. 0.99

00:31:40.000 And it'll definitely, if anybody's stupid enough to not try to take him down and just box with him, you're going to get your clock cleaned. 0.99

00:31:46.000 You know, for sure. 1.00

00:31:47.000 He's going to hit you with some precise counter punches.

00:31:50.000 He's going to take advantage of little tiny minute openings.

00:31:54.000 Because, really, he's such a high-level boxer.

00:31:57.000 We don't see that high-level striker in the octagon. 0.99

00:32:00.000 He can make a guy look foolish. 0.99

00:32:01.000 If somebody chose some crazy boxer, you know, in the UFC, a guy who's got good hands, chose to try to stand up, just stand up with James Toney, he would make them look like a fool. 0.99

00:32:11.000 He really would demoralize them. 1.00

00:32:14.000 He would talk shit to them. 1.00

00:32:15.000 He would start saying, what, bitch? 1.00

00:32:17.000 What, bitch? 1.00

00:32:18.000 Want some more of this, bitch? 1.00

00:32:19.000 Boom! 1.00

00:32:19.000 And he would keep just landing punches on you. 1.00

00:32:21.000 He will fuck your world up. 0.98

00:32:23.000 But I don't think they're going to do that. 0.94

00:32:25.000 I think guys are going to do one of two things. 1.00

00:32:26.000 They're going to kick the living fuck out of his legs, or they're just going to take him down. 1.00

00:32:31.000 And I don't think he's going to be able to stop that. 1.00

00:32:33.000 I don't think he's going to be able to stop that.

00:32:35.000 I don't think, you know, if he got like a big jujitsu guy gets a hold of him like a...

00:32:42.000 Like, Napal?

00:32:43.000 Gabriel Gonzaga?

00:32:44.000 Gabriel Gonzaga got ahold of...

00:32:46.000 Jesus Christ!

00:32:47.000 He might just start breaking pieces of him off, you know?

00:32:50.000 And if, God help him, if Brock Lesnar wants to take him down, you can't just catch that guy with a punch.

00:32:56.000 That's not enough, okay?

00:32:59.000 That's enough for your average regular human.

00:33:01.000 Brock Lesnar, that's a freak of a man.

00:33:05.000 That's like the high end of the genetic spectrum where you're like, you know, you can have a dude who looks like Ichabod Crane, you know, you can have a dude who looks like, you know...

00:33:17.000 Like, who was Olive Oil in that Popeye movie? 0.99

00:33:19.000 What's that bitch's name? 1.00

00:33:21.000 Bitches. 1.00

00:33:22.000 I'm so mean. 1.00

00:33:22.000 Shelly something or another? 1.00

00:33:24.000 Whatever her name is.

00:33:25.000 Think of Lindsay Lohan.

00:33:27.000 You can have a Lindsay Lohan frame.

00:33:29.000 You know, a Paris Hilton frame.

00:33:30.000 A little skinny body.

00:33:31.000 Or...

00:33:32.000 You have the high end. 0.99

00:33:34.000 You have Brock Lesnar, some weird instance where, you know, Vikings fucked Vikings for generation after generation and their warrior bloodlines were passed on and this motherfucker living in the woods in Minnesota, you know, he got the best of the best. 1.00

00:33:49.000 His fucking head is that big. 0.99

00:33:51.000 I mean, that guy for sure has good wrestling. 1.00

00:33:53.000 For sure works very hard on his technique.

00:33:55.000 And all that's well and good. 1.00

00:33:57.000 But at the end of the day, that motherfucker is a barbarian. 1.00

00:34:00.000 The reason why he's so fucking good, he is a direct descendant's From ancient giant warriors from thousands of years ago. 0.99

00:34:09.000 That ain't a regular dude, man. 0.97

00:34:10.000 You ain't gonna just be able to punch that guy and send him home packing. 0.94

00:34:14.000 No, he's gonna eat your punch and he's gonna pick you up in the air like you're a pillow. 0.88

00:34:18.000 And you're gonna feel so bad.

00:34:21.000 You're gonna feel terrible. 0.99

00:34:22.000 The feeling that you're going to have of helplessness and hopelessness when that fucking gorilla grabs a hold of you and yanks you up in the air and smashes you and then gets on top of you and starts boom, boom. 1.00

00:34:37.000 And those big fucking lunchbox fists, that's a wrap, son. 1.00

00:34:41.000 You're done. 1.00

00:34:42.000 Okay?

00:34:43.000 You're not going to jab and shoulder roll your way away from Brock Lesnar. 1.00

00:34:46.000 He's going to fuck you. 1.00

00:34:48.000 He's going to do whatever he wants to you. 1.00

00:34:50.000 He's going to have you work for him.

00:34:52.000 You're going to own him.

00:34:53.000 He's going to be your master.

00:34:56.000 He's going to put a dog collar on you. 1.00

00:34:57.000 He's going to do whatever the fuck he wants. 1.00

00:34:59.000 Do you not understand that? 1.00

00:35:00.000 That guy can do whatever he wants to you.

00:35:02.000 If we didn't live in this civilized culture, thousands of years ago, everyone that Brock Lesnar fought would be chained up in his yard.

00:35:10.000 They would work for him. 0.99

00:35:11.000 And they would just hope and pray that Brock doesn't get angry and decide to fuck you up today. 1.00

00:35:16.000 That's a scary dude, man. 0.99

00:35:18.000 Is he the best guy in the world?

00:35:20.000 I don't know.

00:35:20.000 He's got to fight Fedor.

00:35:21.000 He's got to fight Shane Carwin.

00:35:23.000 We've got to see what happens. 0.99

00:35:24.000 We've got to see what happens with fucking Cain Velasquez. 1.00

00:35:27.000 Cain Velasquez is a motherfucker. 1.00

00:35:29.000 Woo! 1.00

00:35:30.000 That guy's frighteningly talented.

00:35:33.000 Frighteningly talented and frighteningly dedicated.

00:35:35.000 Incredible technique too in everything he does.

00:35:37.000 His punches, his takedowns.

00:35:39.000 His kicks, everything is perfect technique.

00:35:42.000 There's no fluff in his technique.

00:35:44.000 There's no fat.

00:35:45.000 There's no excess movement. 0.98

00:35:48.000 The way he throws leg kicks, god damn beautiful. 0.98

00:35:50.000 Just perfect technique. 0.97

00:35:52.000 The way he throws punches, same thing.

00:35:53.000 Everything is perfect technique.

00:35:55.000 His endurance is second to none.

00:35:58.000 I'm super, super impressed with Cain Velasquez.

00:36:01.000 I think he's just amazing.

00:36:03.000 The big question is, does all that amazing cardio and technique and discipline, does that make up for the great white warrior? 1.00

00:36:11.000 Does it make up for that big fucking freak of a monster like Brock Lesnar? 1.00

00:36:16.000 You know, that's an angry motherfucker, dude. 1.00

00:36:18.000 When a dude beats your ass like he did to Frank Mir and then still gets in the fucking camera and starts screaming, fuck yeah, fucking... 1.00

00:36:25.000 He's screaming and spit's coming out of his mouth and his mouthpiece is falling out and you're like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:36:31.000 You just beat his ass and you're still mad? 1.00

00:36:33.000 And then he gets in Frank Mir's face and he's fucking talking shit and... 1.00

00:36:37.000 I'm like, whoa! 1.00

00:36:38.000 That is a guy who's got a lot of pent-up shit. 1.00

00:36:42.000 I mean, when you're 290 fucking plus pounds of muscle and your body's covered with swords, he's got like swords and skulls and death. 1.00

00:36:52.000 It's all like axes and swords and destruction. 1.00

00:36:55.000 It actually says, kill em all on his lower back. 1.00

00:36:57.000 He's got like a tramp stamp that says, kill em all. 1.00

00:37:01.000 E-M all. 1.00

00:37:03.000 Whoa.

00:37:04.000 Who's that there for?

00:37:05.000 What? 1.00

00:37:07.000 It's a scary fucking dude, man. 1.00

00:37:09.000 That's a real angry motherfucker. 1.00

00:37:11.000 And it's real interesting to see. 1.00

00:37:14.000 I really want to see him versus Fedor.

00:37:16.000 That is a very, very intriguing fight to me because...

00:37:21.000 They represent such polar opposites.

00:37:23.000 In Fedor, you have a guy that's, you know, a relatively small heavyweight.

00:37:27.000 He's just about six feet tall.

00:37:29.000 He weighs about 230 and he's got a considerable amount of fat on him.

00:37:33.000 I mean, I would say like probably at least 20 pounds of fat.

00:37:37.000 Like he's got a lot of jiggly fat.

00:37:39.000 He doesn't try to lose weight at all.

00:37:40.000 You know, he just says, I'm a heavyweight.

00:37:42.000 This is it.

00:37:43.000 This is what I weigh.

00:37:43.000 I'm going to fight as a heavyweight.

00:37:44.000 You know, there's a broad contrast between him, his personality, You know, he's very stoic.

00:37:50.000 You never see any expression out of him.

00:37:53.000 I mean, everybody, like, comments on the fact that the dude, like, never seems angry, never makes a mean face, never seems hurt.

00:37:59.000 No matter if he's cut or no matter if he's got the guy hurt and he's finishing him off, he's just got this dead expression.

00:38:05.000 Whereas Brock Lesnar is gigantic, has to cut weight to make 265. He's a guy who is at the very top of the weight class.

00:38:16.000 And he's a guy who is just flooded with emotion, flooded with anger, flooded with expression. 0.99

00:38:21.000 I mean, he is one of those no-nonsense motherfuckers. 0.99

00:38:25.000 He wears who he is out on his sleeve. 0.99

00:38:27.000 You know? 1.00

00:38:28.000 And he likes to talk a little shit. 1.00

00:38:29.000 And he gets angry at people. 1.00

00:38:31.000 And he likes to swear.

00:38:33.000 And, you know, I mean, he likes to stick the bird out of the audience. 1.00

00:38:38.000 And, you know, when they boo him, fuck you. 1.00

00:38:39.000 You know? 1.00

00:38:40.000 He's a totally different dude.

00:38:42.000 I'd be very curious to see those two approaches and see which one would ultimately prevail.

00:38:47.000 Because it's really not...

00:38:49.000 I mean, it is fair, but it's not fair. 0.97

00:38:51.000 Because Brock is so much goddamn bigger. 0.88

00:38:54.000 Brock is a lean 265. And when he's 265, he's cutting a little weight to get down there. 0.98

00:39:00.000 You know, he'll drop some water weight, like maybe 10, 15 pounds, you know, to get down.

00:39:05.000 So he's inflated, you know, well up to like 280 by the time he actually gets in the octagon. 0.98

00:39:09.000 You know, just solid as a fucking house at 280. Whereas Fedor, you know, at 230, that's 50 pounds less, is not nearly as solid. 0.95

00:39:18.000 You know, Fedor at 230 is, you know, he's jiggly.

00:39:22.000 It doesn't matter if he connects to your face.

00:39:24.000 He's a badass puncher.

00:39:26.000 His jiu-jitsu is fantastic.

00:39:28.000 His grappling is fantastic.

00:39:29.000 He's great off of his back.

00:39:30.000 But that's a big difference, man.

00:39:33.000 You know, when all things are equal, and I'm not saying they are skill-wise because I do not believe they are.

00:39:38.000 I think Fedor is more skillful and has more options to win the fight. 0.95

00:39:42.000 But Brock is so fucking big! 0.97

00:39:45.000 He's so much bigger. 0.99

00:39:46.000 When you're talking about 50 pounds of bone and muscle, 50 fucking pounds, that's a significant advantage. 0.98

00:39:54.000 And then on top of that, you're dealing with a guy who's this freak athlete. 0.98

00:39:57.000 It's not just that he's big, like big and lumbering.

00:40:00.000 They've had guys that were big and lumbering dudes that have fought in MMA before. 0.99

00:40:04.000 They were never like this motherfucker. 0.98

00:40:06.000 The way Brock moves, he moves like a light guy, even though he's a giant guy. 1.00

00:40:10.000 He's a freak athlete. 0.99

00:40:12.000 I mean, he really is the descendants of some fucking crazy warrior tribe. 0.99

00:40:17.000 That's why he's got all this angry energy to him. 1.00

00:40:20.000 That shit's genetic. 1.00

00:40:21.000 A lot of it. 1.00

00:40:22.000 Gotta be.

00:40:25.000 So, that's my answer to that question. 0.99

00:40:29.000 Alright, that was going off of the Ustream shit, so I'm gonna go to the JoeRogan.net forum and we'll see what kind of questions we got up in this bitch. 1.00

00:40:45.000 We got two pages of questions. 0.96

00:40:50.000 And a lot of them are joke questions.

00:40:53.000 Jokey, jokey, joke.

00:40:55.000 All right, let's see here.

00:40:57.000 B.B. Jones says, "Hey, Joe, what do you know?" Is that a rhetorical question?

00:41:06.000 I know not enough, my friend.

00:41:11.000 I know not enough.

00:41:12.000 Nor do any of us.

00:41:13.000 That is the great unfortunate truth.

00:41:16.000 How do you feel about the Pope knowing that child sex abuse was going on and he didn't say anything about it when he was a priest in Germany? 1.00

00:41:30.000 I think they're all fucking freaks. 0.99

00:41:33.000 I think there's only one way you can be a guy who dedicates your entire life to not having sex. 1.00

00:41:40.000 The only way is you're a sexual deviant. 1.00

00:41:42.000 There's something wrong with you. 1.00

00:41:44.000 I don't believe there's any priests that aren't really completely fucked up. 0.99

00:41:47.000 I think it's one of the craziest ways that anyone could ever make... 0.99

00:41:52.000 Make a living.

00:41:53.000 Get through life.

00:41:54.000 It doesn't make any sense to me. 1.00

00:41:56.000 You're a fucking priest? 1.00

00:41:58.000 So, wait a minute. 1.00

00:41:59.000 Do you get to a different heaven than the people that get pussy and get to have a good time? 1.00

00:42:03.000 No. 0.99

00:42:03.000 You get to the same heaven. 0.99

00:42:05.000 So, by doing what you do, what? 1.00

00:42:07.000 Everybody has to listen to you and give you money and you get to fuck the kids. 1.00

00:42:10.000 Like, what is that about? 0.99

00:42:13.000 It doesn't make any sense because it totally goes against what the idea of religion should be all about.

00:42:18.000 Religion should be all about, it's like God's word to everyone on how to live your life.

00:42:24.000 How come these guys that spread God's word, they don't get to have sex?

00:42:28.000 What's that about? 1.00

00:42:29.000 Why are they so fucked up? 0.99

00:42:31.000 I'll tell you why. 1.00

00:42:32.000 Because initially, priests had too much goddamn power. 1.00

00:42:35.000 You know, a long time ago, priests were allowed to have sex. 1.00

00:42:38.000 But the problem was, they were fucking everyone. 1.00

00:42:40.000 Because those were the guys that were in charge of God. 1.00

00:42:42.000 Those were the guys that were talking to God.

00:42:45.000 Those were the guys that were... 1.00

00:42:47.000 They were at the front of the fucking God line. 0.99

00:42:50.000 They had the Willy Wonka golden ticket. 1.00

00:42:53.000 And they were reading the Word of God. 0.99

00:42:55.000 And in a village, you know, of several hundred people, the guy who's the fucking priest who speaks the Word of God and has to console all these women. 1.00

00:43:03.000 And, you know, maybe these women are with husbands that, you know, are tired of fucking them. 1.00

00:43:07.000 And this priest would love to step in and take some of that. 1.00

00:43:10.000 What's up?

00:43:11.000 I'll give you some God knowledge.

00:43:13.000 Now you give me some head. 1.00

00:43:14.000 And that shit was going on left and right, and that's why priests can't fuck. 1.00

00:43:18.000 The reason why priests aren't allowed to fuck is because they were fucking everybody. 1.00

00:43:22.000 So then, well, who the hell wants to be priests if you can't fuck? 1.00

00:43:25.000 You know, once they told them they couldn't fuck anymore, what'd they do? 1.00

00:43:28.000 Well, they probably, some of them probably kept fucking. 1.00

00:43:30.000 And said, yeah, yeah, I'll stop. 0.99

00:43:32.000 And they kept banging people and then they got caught.

00:43:33.000 They probably got flogged or something terrible like that. 0.97

00:43:36.000 And so then they really cracked down and made sure that the priests are not allowed to have sex anymore. 0.99

00:43:40.000 Well, once they started doing that, then the only people that want to be priests were either gays who could be with other priests and they just like keep it on the sneak sneak and bang each other or pedophiles. 0.97

00:43:52.000 Because they had access to all these children, and these children had to listen to them. 1.00

00:43:56.000 The overwhelming amount, I mean, just, it hurts your head to think about how many fucking kids have been sexually abused by the Catholic Church. 1.00

00:44:06.000 I mean, it really hurts your head. 1.00

00:44:09.000 It really hurts to think that all these people are so blinded by a fucking fairy tale that they're willing to let some criminal, some monster, fuck their kids. 1.00

00:44:20.000 After all these years, the fact that that is still going on, that is mind-boggling. 1.00

00:44:27.000 It is mind-boggling that we pay any attention to this fucking silly cult. 0.99

00:44:32.000 And no one can say this. 1.00

00:44:33.000 No politician can say this, because for sure, no one's going to vote for you.

00:44:37.000 If you come out and say, this is nonsense, and if there is a God, for sure these are not his words.

00:44:42.000 This is the word of man.

00:44:44.000 I mean, if you just analyze religion, I mean, just as...

00:44:48.000 I mean, let's say that once upon a time it was the Word of God. 0.99

00:44:52.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.98

00:44:53.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:44:53.000 You don't know. 1.00

00:44:54.000 I mean, if there really is a God.

00:44:56.000 I always say that I've done things that were so much crazier than the stories that people tell about heaven.

00:45:01.000 When you smoke DMT and you've communicated in another dimension with beings that are made out of love and understanding and they're super knowledgeable and they know everything about life and everything about you. 1.00

00:45:12.000 When you've seen something like that and someone wants to talk to you and tell you that they've seen a guy in the cloud with a harp, who are you to tell him that he's full of shit? 0.98

00:45:19.000 You're talking about something that you've actually experienced and I've actually experienced that's way more fucking crazy than angels with wings and a dude in the clouds with a big book of who gets in and who doesn't. 0.87

00:45:30.000 That's way less crazy than the things that I've actually experienced. 0.53

00:45:34.000 And this thing that you actually experience when you die, this DMT, this stuff that when you die, this is what your brain produces.

00:45:42.000 When you're in heavy REM sleep, this is what your brain produces.

00:45:44.000 A natural part of human neurochemistry and it lets you see something way crazier than what these religious people are talking about. 0.98

00:45:51.000 So who am I to say that there's no God, that maybe there is a fucking village in the clouds, maybe it's all true.

00:45:56.000 But just studying the actual words, if you know the history of how the Bible was made, the ancient Hebrew, which the original Old Testament was written in, the original Bible written in ancient Hebrew was, to this day, they only know three out of four of those words. 0.96

00:46:14.000 To this day! 0.98

00:46:16.000 Like today, 25% of the words in ancient Hebrew, they're like, who the fuck knows? 0.91

00:46:21.000 Not only that, there was no numbers in ancient Hebrew. 0.71

00:46:24.000 Letters doubled as numbers.

00:46:26.000 So like the letter A was also the number one.

00:46:29.000 And there was numerical value to words that is completely lost in the translation to Greek and to Latin.

00:46:37.000 Like the word love and the word God have the same numerical value.

00:46:43.000 And this numerical value, the value of these words, it was very important to the translation of what was meant.

00:46:51.000 All that is missing.

00:46:53.000 When they translated that, and then eventually to English, all that's missing. 0.98

00:46:57.000 And then you've got the New Testament, which is just complete wackiness, because Constantine, who wasn't even a fucking Christian, created this. 0.98

00:47:05.000 And this is just clearly a ploy to try to control people. 0.98

00:47:08.000 Constantine got together with a bunch of bishops, and they wrote it all out.

00:47:12.000 And there's stuff that they left in and stuff they took out. 0.97

00:47:14.000 So the New Testament, which is literally made hundreds of years after Christ was supposed to be dead, who the fuck knows what that's all about? 0.97

00:47:21.000 Who knows? 0.97

00:47:22.000 But all you need to know is the guy who even wrote it wasn't even a Christian.

00:47:24.000 Like, right before he died, he converted, I believe.

00:47:27.000 And, you know, it was very clear.

00:47:29.000 Constantine wanted he was an emperor.

00:47:30.000 He wanted to control people.

00:47:32.000 And that's what it's best at. 1.00

00:47:33.000 It's so good at controlling people that you'll let pedophiles fuck your kids because they have the magic fairy tale golden ticket. 1.00

00:47:41.000 It's mind-boggling. 1.00

00:47:43.000 It's mind-boggling that this goofy fuck in a crazy outfit, this cult leader, gets special treatment. 1.00

00:47:49.000 They'll make fun of the Moonies. 1.00

00:47:51.000 They'll make fun of Scientologists. 1.00

00:47:52.000 But the fucking Pope on TV somehow or another gets to be national news. 1.00

00:47:56.000 This crazy fuck who's not allowed to have sex, who hangs out with a bunch of crazy fucks who aren't allowed to have sex, and every rock you fucking pick up, there's a priest fucking a kid underneath it. 1.00

00:48:07.000 I mean, it's just... 1.00

00:48:08.000 Throughout their entire organization, there are thousands and thousands and thousands of cases. 0.98

00:48:15.000 Every fucking year new ones pop up. 1.00

00:48:17.000 Every fucking year some new scandal about how they knew this guy was fucking kids and so they moved him to New Mexico or some shit. 1.00

00:48:24.000 I mean, it's really shocking that Catholic people are even going to church anymore. 0.99

00:48:31.000 It's Completely shocking that there's still people that they trick. 1.00

00:48:35.000 Just the sheer weight of its own bullshit should have collapsed the Catholic religion a long fucking time ago. 1.00

00:48:42.000 And this is coming from someone who was raised a Catholic. 1.00

00:48:44.000 I went to Catholic school when I was in first grade.

00:48:47.000 One year I went to Catholic school. 0.99

00:48:49.000 And it was such a fucking horrendous nightmare. 0.99

00:48:52.000 I don't remember second grade. 0.99

00:48:54.000 I don't remember it. 1.00

00:48:55.000 I remember first grade, though, like a motherfucker. 0.99

00:48:58.000 Because first grade was the only year that I was in Catholic school. 1.00

00:49:00.000 I remember this Fucking cunt. 1.00

00:49:02.000 Sister Mary Josephine, this evil, evil woman who used to tell you that if you didn't get your homework done, you would have to sit on a nail in the closet overnight. 1.00

00:49:11.000 She would smack you in the head. 1.00

00:49:13.000 I mean, it was real shit. 1.00

00:49:14.000 If you cried, if you were upset about something, she would make fun of you. 1.00

00:49:17.000 You know, look at this one crying! 0.96

00:49:19.000 She was just no compassion, no love, no friendship.

00:49:24.000 No warmth.

00:49:25.000 It was all evil.

00:49:27.000 It was all anger and evil.

00:49:29.000 And that is what that relationship is.

00:49:31.000 It is unnatural.

00:49:33.000 It's not real. 1.00

00:49:34.000 This relationship to life where you're a person who's in charge of some nonsense fairy tale and because of that you get to shit on people and yell at their kids and hit their fucking kids and treat them like shit? 1.00

00:49:46.000 Because you somehow or another are special? 1.00

00:49:48.000 Because you're one of those people that doesn't fuck? 1.00

00:49:51.000 And you have, you know, what? 1.00

00:49:52.000 You have more access to God?

00:49:54.000 No, you don't even have more access!

00:49:55.000 You don't have anything! 0.99

00:49:56.000 It's the craziest, most ridiculous cult ever, and it's still going on. 1.00

00:50:02.000 And if that's not a damning condemnation of human beings and human culture today, in 2010, with the age of information, with the internet, with all this, that we still have the Catholic religion, that that stupid shit is still around, it's mind-boggling. 1.00

00:50:16.000 Without a doubt. 1.00

00:50:17.000 If there is a God, that's not what he wants.

00:50:19.000 If there is a God, what God is is the energy that creates everything.

00:50:23.000 It might not be a conscious thing, or it might be all conscious things together as one thing.

00:50:29.000 In some sort of a framework that we can't even recognize because it's so big, it's so great that literally, you know, when someone, some hippie says, hey, you are God and God's you.

00:50:37.000 What if that's true?

00:50:38.000 What if that really is true?

00:50:40.000 What if our purpose on this life has shielded us from that recognition?

00:50:44.000 Because we have to go through whatever we have to go through.

00:50:47.000 Like, we're here for a reason.

00:50:49.000 We're pushing humanity and human culture and human innovation forward for a reason.

00:50:53.000 You know, probably some sort of a fucking, some sort of a technological thing that we're going to create that's going to enter us into the new age.

00:50:59.000 But if that's the case, is it that we just lack the perception to really understand that we're in tune with anything, with everything, with the whole world, then that makes sense that everything is God. 0.92

00:51:09.000 And that's the feeling that you get when you do mushrooms.

00:51:12.000 When you do mushrooms, you get this feeling of connectedness that you are attached.

00:51:18.000 When you do DMT as well, which is very similar to mushrooms in what it is chemically.

00:51:25.000 What DMT is is dimethyltryptamine.

00:51:28.000 What mushrooms are, Cubensis mushrooms, is 4-fox4-aloxy and dimethyltryptamine.

00:51:35.000 They're very closely chemically related.

00:51:39.000 You have this intense feeling of connection with everything, with people, you know, with the friends in your life, with animals, with wilderness.

00:51:49.000 I mean, that's why they say do mushrooms and go into nature.

00:51:51.000 Because when you do, when you, you know, have some mushrooms and you're laying in the woods, you know, in a plot of trees, you feel like the energy of the trees. 0.97

00:52:03.000 It's like some avatar type shit. 0.98

00:52:04.000 Like you really feel like the fucking tree of souls communicating with you. 0.99

00:52:09.000 I think that our main problem as human beings is that we are in a stage of evolution and we're in an adolescent stage and we are certainly passing where we used to be and just our potential For evolving above the basic fight or flight instincts and our potential for evolving above just animal brutality and anger and jealousy and all these things that we think that we need in order to compete and survive. 0.94

00:52:37.000 we have potential to rise above that and that's what yoga is all about and that's what meditation is all about and isolation tanks people who are a psychedelic enthusiasts with that's what that's all about is this this struggle up this slippery slope to get to the top to have just a little better view of what the world could be and I think that that's what that's the the potential that we have inside of us

00:53:05.000 It's all moving towards that.

00:53:08.000 Human understanding.

00:53:10.000 The idea of human enlightenment. 0.99

00:53:12.000 This quest to get your shit together. 0.97

00:53:15.000 It's all moving away from these nonsensical animal instincts to something higher and more evolved. 0.96

00:53:23.000 And I think that potential is the only good thing that human beings have.

00:53:28.000 It's like we have this potential For one side or the other, we have this potential to be like an evil government that corrupts its citizens, or we have this potential to be a brother.

00:53:39.000 We have this potential to be a sister.

00:53:41.000 We have this potential to be someone who loves you like they love family, like they love themselves.

00:53:46.000 I have a buddy that has a kid, and we were talking about babies recently, and we were just joking around.

00:53:52.000 He's a comic as well.

00:53:53.000 Gene Pompa, last night at The Improv.

00:53:56.000 And we're just talking about, and I've had this conversation with other people too, about how it makes you so much a nicer person. 0.95

00:54:02.000 And I said that, man, if everybody treated everybody the way I treat my daughter, what a fucking beautiful world we would live in. 0.85

00:54:09.000 It would just be a world of warmth and friendship. 0.96

00:54:13.000 If we just had a pill that made you love everybody the way I love my daughter, and we do have a pill like that.

00:54:18.000 It's called ecstasy. 1.00

00:54:19.000 But that shit's terrible for you, and the next day you feel like shit and it hurts your head. 1.00

00:54:24.000 But... 1.00

00:54:25.000 If we figured out a way...

00:54:27.000 And maybe we're going to do that.

00:54:29.000 I mean, maybe that's what the next stage of evolution really is all about.

00:54:32.000 Maybe it's an evolution pill.

00:54:34.000 Maybe some people take the evolution vaccine and some people won't. 1.00

00:54:38.000 And they'll shoot your arm with some shit that lasts like six months. 1.00

00:54:42.000 And it's some vaccination against stupidity. 1.00

00:54:45.000 Some vaccination against nonsense. 1.00

00:54:50.000 Against a lack of understanding and appreciation of the fact that we're here...

00:54:54.000 In this temporary situation as one gigantic hive, one super organism.

00:55:00.000 And that the more love you spread out, the more positive energy you spread out, the more you get back.

00:55:05.000 You know, the more it comes back to affect you.

00:55:07.000 And it goes out in ripples because the people that you affect, they affect other people as well.

00:55:12.000 And the more positive you spread out, literally you can change your world.

00:55:16.000 You can change the world of the people that you come in contact with.

00:55:20.000 I think that is what human beings are slowly starting to realize.

00:55:24.000 And that may be what God really is.

00:55:26.000 What God might be is everything. 1.00

00:55:27.000 What it's not is a bunch of dudes in fucking robes that want to have sex with your kids, okay? 1.00

00:55:33.000 That's not God. 1.00

00:55:34.000 That's nonsense. 1.00

00:55:35.000 And the fact that these fucking presidential candidates... 1.00

00:55:38.000 And all these knuckleheads that want to be world leaders and they want to guide us towards, you know, they're not guiding us towards anything. 1.00

00:55:46.000 It's business as usual.

00:55:47.000 There's no evolution whatsoever in the political process. 1.00

00:55:50.000 There's no evolution whatsoever amongst these fuckheads that talk. 0.99

00:55:54.000 We're decades and decades behind the progressive American culture. 0.99

00:55:58.000 The people that are at the front of the line of thinking. 1.00

00:56:01.000 These motherfuckers are decades behind. 1.00

00:56:03.000 You know, this idea of religious freedom. 1.00

00:56:05.000 Yes, I agree.

00:56:07.000 Yes, you should have the freedom to study religiously.

00:56:09.000 You should have the freedom to do whatever you want.

00:56:12.000 You don't have to feed the flying spaghetti monster.

00:56:14.000 If that's your thing, that's fine, you know?

00:56:17.000 But you can't take it seriously.

00:56:20.000 You can't expect someone who is... 1.00

00:56:24.000 I mean, that is the whole idea of the separation of church and state. 1.00

00:56:27.000 The whole idea is like some sort of conceding somehow that, okay, you're allowed to believe ridiculous shit. 0.99

00:56:35.000 How about this? 0.99

00:56:36.000 How about we just leave all the religion out and all we concentrate on is how things are run, business, how we treat each other, what laws we enforce, how we make sure that people aren't being victimized. 0.99

00:56:47.000 These fucking politicians and these newspapers and all these people that really follow all this Pope bullshit, they just add credence to it because knuckleheads read about it in the news so they think it's legitimate. 0.96

00:56:57.000 I had a conversation with someone where they were saying that we were talking about cults and I said, well, I was watching a documentary and it was really fascinating. 1.00

00:57:05.000 It was a documentary on Christianity and they kept referring it to the cult cults.

00:57:10.000 Of Christianity. 0.91

00:57:11.000 That's how they were referring it to in this very scientific documentary.

00:57:14.000 And this woman was very upset. 0.99

00:57:16.000 She's like, Christianity is not a cult.

00:57:17.000 And I'm like, how can you say it's not a cult?

00:57:19.000 And she's like, well, because first of all, you don't have a cult that has billions of people in it.

00:57:26.000 Yes, you do.

00:57:27.000 It's just a bigger cult.

00:57:28.000 Like, if you have a cult that has three people, if you can trick three people, you can trick three million, okay? 0.99

00:57:33.000 If you can find three people dumb enough to believe your wackiness and they let you fuck them and they wear purple Nikes because you tell them that's the sacred color, if you get three people to do that and they really believe it, they're going to get more people to believe it. 0.99

00:57:46.000 We are all going through this life completely clueless. 1.00

00:57:50.000 We are like people in a spaceship that woke up from hypersleep and were going through the manuals and no one knows how to run the ship.

00:57:58.000 That's what we are like.

00:58:00.000 And there's a few of us that are older that are pretending to the younger people, listen, don't worry, we've got this, everything's going to be fine, we're going to have a meeting with Congress, we're going to work all this out.

00:58:09.000 And these people are trying to placate the rest of us who are just like them. 0.99

00:58:13.000 And no one knows what the fuck is going on. 0.97

00:58:16.000 So anybody that steps up and tells you that they have all the answers, that God wants this for you and God wants that, no, you don't know. 0.99

00:58:24.000 Those are the enemy.

00:58:25.000 Anybody that says they have the answers, they're your enemy.

00:58:28.000 And anybody who wants your money, they're your enemy too. 0.99

00:58:31.000 You know, give me a fucking show, alright? 1.00

00:58:34.000 Don't just stand there and recite some stupid Latin shit and pass around a basket because you're too lazy to work for a living, you fuck. 1.00

00:58:41.000 No. 1.00

00:58:41.000 If you want to be the real messenger of the Word of God, you wouldn't be asking for money, okay? 1.00

00:58:46.000 Stop it.

00:58:47.000 People would be giving money to you because they love you. 1.00

00:58:48.000 You wouldn't have a fucking basket that you pass around and make everybody feel guilty. 1.00

00:58:52.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:58:54.000 That's nonsense. 1.00

00:58:55.000 That's silly goddamn nonsense. 0.99

00:58:57.000 And until we acknowledge that, Until we acknowledge that it is our own insecurities that are asking us to search for an answer to something that's impossible to answer. 1.00

00:59:04.000 Until we acknowledge that we're fucked. 0.99

00:59:06.000 We're just spinning our wheels. 1.00

00:59:07.000 We're in the same spot we've always been.

00:59:09.000 And that is the problem.

00:59:11.000 The real problem is everybody wants to pretend that there's an answer.

00:59:14.000 To something that you cannot answer.

00:59:16.000 There is no answer.

00:59:17.000 It is absolutely impossible. 0.99

00:59:18.000 And if there is a God, it's probably so much more complex than you could ever possibly wrap your fucking head around. 0.99

00:59:27.000 And I'll tell you what it's not. 0.98

00:59:28.000 It's not Adam and Eve, okay? 0.99

00:59:31.000 It's not God made two people and, you know, they fucked and they had kids and their kids started fucking each other. 0.99

00:59:36.000 Because that's what Adam and Eve is. 0.98

00:59:38.000 There's only two people.

00:59:39.000 That's one of the...

00:59:40.000 That's like any child with a simple grasp of mathematics and five minutes to think about it.

00:59:46.000 You'd say, okay, I'm going to tell you a story of Adam and Eve.

00:59:49.000 You tell me what you think is wrong with that.

00:59:51.000 They would go, okay, if Adam and Eve made people, everybody came from Adam and Eve?

00:59:55.000 Everybody.

00:59:55.000 The whole world.

00:59:56.000 Okay.

00:59:56.000 If Adam and Eve made people, so they had kids, and the kids were like, they were brothers and sisters?

01:00:01.000 Yep.

01:00:02.000 How do they make more people?

01:00:05.000 There we go, no. 1.00

01:00:06.000 They fucked each other? 1.00

01:00:08.000 They fucked each other. 1.00

01:00:09.000 Adam fucked the kids, and Eve fucked the kids, and the kids fucked each other. 1.00

01:00:13.000 And that's where people came from. 1.00

01:00:16.000 What?

01:00:17.000 It's 2010! 0.99

01:00:21.000 No one has any fucking answer. 0.99

01:00:25.000 No one, goddammit. 0.99

01:00:27.000 Except maybe Gangstar. 0.78

01:00:29.000 Gangstar's got the answer.

01:00:30.000 I like this one.

01:00:36.000 I don't know who Big L is, but I like him.

01:00:38.000 Big L, rest in peace.

01:00:40.000 Big L, rest in peace.

01:00:45.000 So, that's my long answer to a short question. 1.00

01:00:48.000 Fuck the Pope. 1.00

01:00:49.000 Fuck all those dummies. 1.00

01:00:51.000 Fuck anybody that tells you they've got it wired. 1.00

01:00:53.000 No. 1.00

01:00:54.000 No. 1.00

01:00:55.000 No, stupid. 1.00

01:00:56.000 No, you don't have it wired. 1.00

01:00:57.000 And you've got to get a real job now, okay?

01:00:59.000 It's 2010. If the whole world got on mushrooms, the Catholic religion would implode, okay? 0.98

01:01:04.000 They would have to go out and start kidnapping kids to fuck because nobody would bring their kids to them anymore. 1.00

01:01:09.000 You know? 1.00

01:01:09.000 It's a corrupt criminal organization of kid fuckers. 1.00

01:01:13.000 That's what it is. 1.00

01:01:16.000 Do I have any idea how Lost ends?

01:01:17.000 No. 1.00

01:01:18.000 Those fucks. 1.00

01:01:19.000 I've been trying to not tune in. 1.00

01:01:23.000 I'm going to be on Adam Carolla's podcast real soon.

01:01:25.000 I think next week.

01:01:27.000 Actually, I'll tell you right now. 0.99

01:01:29.000 Because I'm on the fucking internet. 0.99

01:01:31.000 Holla! 1.00

01:01:32.000 How do you like them apples?

01:01:34.000 I love the internet.

01:01:36.000 It's easily my favorite human creation.

01:01:38.000 I'm so addicted.

01:01:39.000 It's killing my vision.

01:01:41.000 I have a hard time reading things when they're up close now.

01:01:45.000 Okay, let's see.

01:01:46.000 Adam Carolla.

01:01:49.000 Yes, next week, the 23rd.

01:01:53.000 So next Tuesday, the 23rd, I'll be doing the Adam Carolla podcast.

01:01:58.000 However, I don't know exactly what time the podcast, what time he puts it up.

01:02:08.000 So...

01:02:10.000 That's my answer to that.

01:02:12.000 But I'll be doing it next Tuesday the 23rd.

01:02:14.000 All right.

01:02:14.000 More questions.

01:02:15.000 Bad Bobby says, Joe, I once read if they legalized all drugs, it could cost the USA 150,000 good jobs and cops, lawyers and so forth.

01:02:33.000 I don't know if it's true, but I believe the war on drugs is a make-work project.

01:02:38.000 Forget about if they're getting some profits and selling them.

01:02:41.000 I don't know if it's true, but it sounded right.

01:02:42.000 Yes, definitely.

01:02:43.000 The war on drugs is definitely, look, between the private prisons...

01:02:49.000 And between law enforcement, there's an industry in keeping drugs illegal.

01:02:54.000 And it's not about protecting you.

01:02:57.000 You know, some drugs, yes it is. 0.99

01:03:00.000 When they go and close down crystal meth labs, yeah, that's a fucking danger because crystal meth makes people, it completely fucks with their judgment, makes them insane. 0.99

01:03:09.000 Look what it did to Jesse James. 1.00

01:03:10.000 He fucked that bitch with a tattoo on her head. 1.00

01:03:11.000 I guarantee that dude was doing meth when he fucked her. 1.00

01:03:14.000 There's no way he was sober. 1.00

01:03:15.000 You don't fuck chicks with tattoos on their head when you're sober. 1.00

01:03:18.000 When you see a bitch that has pray for sinners tattooed on her fucking forehead, you go... 1.00

01:03:24.000 What? 1.00

01:03:24.000 And she's ugly? 1.00

01:03:26.000 Oh, yeah, let me stick my raw dick inside you. 1.00

01:03:28.000 No, that guy was doing drugs. 1.00

01:03:30.000 And there's drugs that are bad for you, okay?

01:03:31.000 And crystal meth is one of them.

01:03:33.000 It's a terrible, terrible drug.

01:03:34.000 You know, heroin's another one. 0.91

01:03:36.000 I mean, I've seen cocaine turn people into, they're like, they become like roaches.

01:03:41.000 They become like bugs.

01:03:42.000 You know, they're like, they don't, they're not thinking about you, man. 1.00

01:03:45.000 They're just trying to get that shit. 1.00

01:03:46.000 How do I get that shit? 1.00

01:03:47.000 You know, they literally get black shark eyes. 1.00

01:03:50.000 They turn dead on the inside, man.

01:03:52.000 There's drugs that are terrible for you.

01:03:54.000 And those drugs, yeah, I could see an argument for them being illegal.

01:03:58.000 I could see an argument for us doing something about the people that sell them because they're damaging people.

01:04:04.000 It's dangerous.

01:04:05.000 But there's other drugs like mushrooms and pot.

01:04:09.000 If you get caught with those things, man, it doesn't matter.

01:04:11.000 Those are still illegal drugs.

01:04:13.000 As a matter of fact, they're more illegal than heroin.

01:04:16.000 Do you know that Schedule 1 drugs, for the most part, are the drugs that really have, like, use?

01:04:21.000 Schedule 1 is the most illegal, okay?

01:04:24.000 Schedule 1 is DMT, which your own brain produces, so as Terence McKenney said, He said, everyone's holding.

01:04:32.000 I mean, that's really what it is.

01:04:34.000 You are in production and you are in possession of a really illegal substance.

01:04:42.000 The number one.

01:04:43.000 Schedule one.

01:04:44.000 DMT. Marijuana.

01:04:46.000 Schedule one.

01:04:48.000 No one's ever died of pot.

01:04:49.000 Ever!

01:04:50.000 Do you know what? 1.00

01:04:51.000 The only way pot is going to kill you is if you're standing on the wrong side of the fence when one of those Mexican drug helicopters comes over and pushes a bailout and it clubs you on the fucking head. 1.00

01:05:00.000 That's how you die for pot. 1.00

01:05:02.000 Other than that, you're not going to die for pot.

01:05:04.000 You might think you're dying, but you're just going to fall asleep and you're going to be fine. 0.98

01:05:07.000 No one's fucking died of it ever. 0.95

01:05:08.000 But yet still, pot is schedule one. 0.99

01:05:11.000 Mushrooms, same thing.

01:05:12.000 I've never heard of anybody dying from mushrooms.

01:05:14.000 You can definitely die if you eat poison mushrooms, but poison mushrooms, by the way, are legal. 0.99

01:05:18.000 And you can have poison mushrooms all around your backyard and you can munch on them all day and fucking die of a heart attack and nobody gives a shit. 0.98

01:05:24.000 No one's gonna have a- it's not gonna be a- a big inquest. 0.99

01:05:27.000 No one's gonna go crazy. 1.00

01:05:28.000 But if you- if you put psilocybin mushrooms in your yard and the cops come and find them growing in your yard, they will lock you in a fucking cage. 0.99

01:05:36.000 Even though psilocybin mushrooms, they can make you go crazy if you do too many of them and if you have a weak mental constitution. 1.00

01:05:43.000 I could see you going crazy from mushrooms.

01:05:45.000 Just too much information, too much realization.

01:05:47.000 But you could go crazy from anything.

01:05:50.000 You can go crazy from paint. 1.00

01:05:52.000 You could huff paint and sniff paint and blow your fucking brains out. 1.00

01:05:56.000 You can go crazy from anything. 1.00

01:05:58.000 Some people are weak and fragile. 0.99

01:06:01.000 Any really extreme experience can fuck them up. 0.99

01:06:04.000 There's an ant.

01:06:05.000 I think it's called an iron ant.

01:06:07.000 I forget the name of the ant.

01:06:08.000 This ant bites you.

01:06:09.000 The venom is so intense and horrifying that it's been described as slamming your arm into a car door for an hour.

01:06:20.000 That's what it feels like.

01:06:22.000 Just slamming your arm.

01:06:23.000 Imagine what that would feel like.

01:06:24.000 It lasts for 24 hours.

01:06:28.000 What?

01:06:28.000 So this intense, insane throbbing, like literally, you're getting ripped apart, like someone slamming a door on your arm, and it lasts a whole day.

01:06:37.000 And the experience is so traumatic that some people, when they come out of it, they are never the same again.

01:06:43.000 They're just a shell. 1.00

01:06:44.000 They're just so fucked up. 1.00

01:06:46.000 They could not get through the pain of one full 24-hour period. 1.00

01:06:50.000 So, like, there's some shit... 1.00

01:06:52.000 In the world, they can fuck you up. 1.00

01:06:54.000 That's not why marijuana is illegal. 0.99

01:06:56.000 That's not why mushrooms are illegal.

01:06:58.000 They're illegal because they're trying to keep you from them.

01:07:01.000 They don't want a society that is questioning leadership.

01:07:06.000 They don't want a society...

01:07:08.000 And that's the other problem.

01:07:09.000 The people that are in power, they're not using these things.

01:07:12.000 Throughout human history, shamans have been the leaders of tribes and shamans have been the ones that the tribe will go to when the tribe has troubles.

01:07:21.000 And what the shamans are, were people who had a lot of experience in navigating psychedelic dimensions.

01:07:29.000 In the Amazon, when they would all sit around and drink ayahuasca, ayahuasca is an herb, like a tea that they brew that produces DMT. Ordinarily, DMT is not, you can't drink it because it gets broken down when you take it in orally, when you eat it.

01:07:50.000 It gets broken down by something in your stomach called monoamine oxidase and it's produced in your gut.

01:07:56.000 And this ayahuasca was a way that they figured out how to extract DMT and a monoamine oxidase inhibitor from another plant. 0.99

01:08:07.000 It's really fucking crazy. 0.94

01:08:08.000 They've been doing this for 10,000 years. 0.98

01:08:10.000 In a place where there's 250,000 plus different species of plants, they've figured out a way to combine two to make this incredible brew that lets you communicate with the afterlife.

01:08:22.000 Which, by the way, is totally illegal.

01:08:27.000 It's a mess. 0.98

01:08:28.000 It's a real fucking mess when you start to think about what it really is. 0.98

01:08:35.000 Because what it really is is people keeping other people from having an experience. 0.98

01:08:39.000 And the reasoning for it, the reason why, is not because they think that this person, if they have that experience, is going to make life difficult for me.

01:08:46.000 They're going to come after me.

01:08:47.000 They're going to hurt my family.

01:08:48.000 No.

01:08:49.000 They're doing it because they can profit off this person not having that experience.

01:08:53.000 If I say that something is illegal and I set forth laws and I say, if you cross this boundary and you do this behavior and you violate my law, I get to lock you in a cage and I get to make money from locking you in a cage.

01:09:06.000 Not only that, I get to employ people that now they have a job and their job is to go after people that are doing what I said they couldn't do and get them and kidnap them and put them in a cage.

01:09:16.000 That's what you're having with marijuana and mushroom bust and stuff like that.

01:09:20.000 You're telling someone that by your judgment, they shouldn't have that experience.

01:09:26.000 And so you say, well, if you're going to make such an extreme judgment, that judgment has to be based on facts, right?

01:09:30.000 No.

01:09:31.000 No, it doesn't have to be based on facts.

01:09:32.000 Of course it doesn't.

01:09:33.000 Because if it was, then marijuana would have been legal in the 1950s.

01:09:37.000 I mean, it would have been legal when they passed the sweeping Schedule I Psychedelics Act of 1970, I believe it was, when they made everything illegal.

01:09:46.000 They would have had to provide some reasoning for making mushrooms illegal.

01:09:51.000 Some reasoning for making marijuana illegal.

01:09:53.000 And it would have been scientific and it would have been medical. 0.97

01:09:55.000 But the problem is every single fucking medical study that's ever been done about marijuana shows that it's relatively harmless. 0.98

01:10:00.000 I mean, you can ruin your life with anything. 0.99

01:10:03.000 You can ruin your life with cheeseburgers if you want to.

01:10:05.000 I was talking about bottles.

01:10:08.000 You can take a bottle and bottles can hold a nice delicious drink. 1.00

01:10:10.000 Or you can take a bottle and you can stuff it up your ass and throw yourself down a flight of stairs and bleed to death. 1.00

01:10:17.000 The real fucking problem is that we are allowing people to victimize other people for profit. 1.00

01:10:23.000 And that's what the war on drugs is all about. 0.98

01:10:25.000 And the reason why the war on drugs works at all is because the people responsible, the cops and the lawyers, they're not doing drugs.

01:10:32.000 If they were doing drugs, if they were doing the right drugs, they were doing mushrooms and they were smoking pot, There would be nothing.

01:10:37.000 It would all stop.

01:10:38.000 They would have to stop.

01:10:39.000 If you do the correct amount of mushroom dose, you would realize that in victimizing people, you are victimizing yourself.

01:10:44.000 You are creating a terrible stream of karma.

01:10:47.000 You are ruining lives for nothing.

01:10:50.000 You are ruining lives for something that doesn't have anything to do with you.

01:10:53.000 And something that's been around in terms of...

01:10:55.000 For marijuana and mushrooms and ayahuasca, tens of thousands of years of human use.

01:11:02.000 And as I said, in those indigenous cultures, the shaman was the one who made the decisions.

01:11:06.000 That's because this is the guy that had the most experience in these matters of the spirit world.

01:11:11.000 We don't have that anymore.

01:11:12.000 Now we have the opposite.

01:11:13.000 We have leaders that, if we find out they're doing mushrooms, we would be shocked.

01:11:17.000 We would want them removed from office. 0.99

01:11:19.000 If Obama had a press conference on Monday and said, I got together with my wife the other day.

01:11:26.000 We did five grams of mushrooms and we went to the mountains.

01:11:29.000 And I really started to think about our country. 1.00

01:11:31.000 Everybody would be like, what the fuck are you talking about? 0.99

01:11:34.000 That would be the most beautiful thing that he could ever say. 0.99

01:11:37.000 If you could say, I just took something that allowed me to literally tune in to the stream of love that is God, that is the energy of the universe, that is Mother Gaia.

01:11:49.000 I connected myself to all that is loving in the world and I came back with some revelations and some thoughts about how we can lead our culture better, how we can be kinder to the rest of the world, how instead of going all these places to control their resources and to ruin them, how about we introduce them to this spiritual realm?

01:12:07.000 How about we introduce the whole world to mushrooms?

01:12:09.000 How about we produce them in mass quantities and slowly start to open people's eyes up to the fact that it's not a lack of resources that we have in this country. 0.99

01:12:17.000 It's a gluttonous fucking gigantic group at the top that are fucking and raping the world. 0.98

01:12:23.000 It's not that we have not enough resources to run the life We don't have enough resources to run the life we're living. 1.00

01:12:32.000 We don't have to live like this.

01:12:33.000 This is all nonsense.

01:12:34.000 We live a non-agriculturally based life.

01:12:37.000 We live a life where we rely on fossil fuels and we rely on petroleum.

01:12:42.000 We don't have to.

01:12:43.000 There's many, many things that could be done with plants that we're doing right now.

01:12:47.000 If marijuana was legal, first of all, just hemp for use for oil and use for textiles and use for... 0.95

01:12:54.000 You could make houses out of it and you could fucking fuel cars with it. 0.77

01:12:59.000 You could build cars with it. 0.99

01:13:00.000 Lotus actually made a fucking car with a... 1.00

01:13:03.000 Instead of carbon fiber or fiberglass, they made the fucking shell out of hemp. 0.99

01:13:08.000 I mean, it's all possible. 0.97

01:13:10.000 We just can't live the way we're living right now.

01:13:13.000 And there's no way to effectively reset civilization better than psychedelics. 0.99

01:13:20.000 But meanwhile, saying that makes you sound like a retard. 0.96

01:13:24.000 Like, I'm listening to my own self. 0.99

01:13:25.000 And I'm like, if I didn't do drugs, if I had never done mushrooms or anything like that, I heard a guy talking like this. 1.00

01:13:30.000 I'm like, who the fuck is this idiot? 1.00

01:13:31.000 How could you possibly say that? 1.00

01:13:34.000 You think you have all the answers?

01:13:36.000 I don't have the answers, but I do have...

01:13:39.000 A possible door to the answers.

01:13:42.000 And that's what I think psychedelic experiences are.

01:13:45.000 And these guys that are running for president, they will deny that to the end. 0.96

01:13:49.000 They will, you know, Obama had this fucking thing recently where it was a town hall meeting and he got all these questions from the internet. 0.98

01:13:56.000 And the number one question, the number one question was marijuana legalization. 0.98

01:14:02.000 And every other issue that was being discussed that day, whether it was healthcare or anything else, he gave these really well-thought-out, in-depth answers.

01:14:10.000 But it came to the marijuana question.

01:14:11.000 He was like, ho, ho, ho. 0.92

01:14:13.000 Well, I don't know what that says about this group here.

01:14:14.000 Ho, ho, ho. 0.99

01:14:15.000 And he said, no, I don't think that's a good idea.

01:14:18.000 Really?

01:14:18.000 You don't think that's a good idea?

01:14:19.000 You don't think it's a good idea to stop suppressing people? 0.98

01:14:22.000 You don't think it's a good idea to not jail people for having a fucking experience? 0.94

01:14:27.000 To not jail people for selling a plant, a naturally growing thing that's never killed anyone? 0.99

01:14:32.000 You don't think that it's a good idea to reverse an evil, fucked up, corrupt law that is helping people with the worst karma ever, imprison people for nothing? 0.99

01:14:44.000 Well, you, sir, need some fucking mushrooms. 1.00

01:14:46.000 And that's the problem. 1.00

01:14:47.000 We have a whole group of people running this fucking country, and none of them are doing mushrooms. 0.99

01:14:54.000 I would like to have a talk show. 0.99

01:14:57.000 I've talked about this on stage.

01:14:58.000 I wanted to have a talk show where I make people do mushrooms with me.

01:15:03.000 And it would be called Do Mushrooms with Joe Rogan.

01:15:06.000 And we have on, you know...

01:15:09.000 I mean, you want to know a real truth serum?

01:15:12.000 Mushrooms is the best truth serum. 0.97

01:15:14.000 Once that fucking wave hits you, that wave of alien information and the wave of love and the connectivity, and when you see the fiber of the very universe all around you, you're going to start talking. 0.98

01:15:27.000 And if I could get, you know, like Ken Starr and Dick Cheney, could you imagine? 0.98

01:15:35.000 Could you imagine if those guys, like, if people sued them, And people, you know, because like, look, there's a lot of people that want to take them to trial for war crimes, especially Dick Cheney.

01:15:46.000 When you think about the fact that Dick Cheney was the CEO of Halliburton, and then, you know, he becomes the vice president of the United States, we go to some crazy fucking wars where Halliburton gets the contracts, and the wars are all based on...

01:15:58.000 Totally false information about weapons of mass destruction. 0.95

01:16:01.000 There's people that say that.

01:16:02.000 Dick Cheney was at the helm of it and he was lying. 1.00

01:16:03.000 You could try that motherfucker for crimes against humanity. 1.00

01:16:07.000 You could try him for that. 1.00

01:16:08.000 And if he was convicted and they said, here's one thing you can do to get out of it.

01:16:13.000 You gotta do the, let's do mushrooms with Joe Rogan show.

01:16:19.000 And you have a guy like that, like a... 0.98

01:16:22.000 Any really fucked up politician, George Bush Sr., George Bush Jr., anyone like that, sit them down and make them do mushrooms. 0.99

01:16:32.000 Make them realize that just because you've been living this life the same way As everyone before you, as your father and all these other corrupt politicians, it doesn't mean it's justifiable. 0.99

01:16:44.000 Just because you can find examples all around you of people who have done worse and people who are doing the same things, doesn't mean that it's supposed to continue.

01:16:51.000 And there's got to be a way to stop it.

01:16:53.000 It doesn't seem to be stopping with the evolution of culture.

01:16:57.000 It seems to be the same.

01:16:59.000 It seems to be that the corruption, it's being exposed more, but it doesn't seem like it's put a monkey wrench in it, like they're just stopping.

01:17:06.000 You know, the financial corruption involved in this bailout is staggering. 0.98

01:17:11.000 And if you really want to hurt your head, you go and read some of Matt Taibbi's articles about it, it fucking hurts.

01:17:18.000 Like, when you look at the billions and trillions of dollars and where it's going and how it's being funded and these guys are getting bonuses and they're getting bonuses but they don't have any money and the money came from taxpayers but they were Oh, the bonuses or else they'll quit. 0.95

01:17:32.000 Well, why don't they fire them? 0.93

01:17:33.000 They're the ones that fucked this thing up in the first place. 0.99

01:17:35.000 It's staggering. 1.00

01:17:37.000 I mean, it's literally our entire civilization is built on a foundation of unfixable bullshit. 0.98

01:17:48.000 It's the only way, I think, to restructure our society correctly. 0.98

01:17:54.000 Literally, it would have to be done by someone other than us.

01:17:59.000 That's what the Constitution was all about when there was the birth of America.

01:18:03.000 The idea of America was that we were going to have a separation of church and state.

01:18:07.000 That we were going to have people that could only run it for a few years, and then they would have to leave.

01:18:12.000 We were going to have the will of the people. 0.53

01:18:14.000 We were going to be free from all the imperialism bullshit that we had to deal with in England and Europe. 0.87

01:18:20.000 But after a while, it just fell into the same thing. 0.56

01:18:25.000 People, inherently, if we're left alone and we're just people the way we are right now, our evolution, our cultural and social evolution is so much slower than the evolution of technology and what we're able to do.

01:18:37.000 We're able to communicate with people all around the world. 0.73

01:18:40.000 We're able to fly in fucking tubes through the sky. 0.95

01:18:42.000 We're able to send video through the air. 0.98

01:18:45.000 We're able to watch television programs that are being broadcast from the other side of the planet.

01:18:50.000 I mean, we have this incredible technological capabilities, but socially, we're just a bump ahead of where we were in the 50s.

01:18:57.000 Just a little.

01:18:58.000 Just a little.

01:19:00.000 I mean, it could be argued that we're, like, slightly behind where we were in the 70s in comparison to, like, you know, if you think about it, like, as far as, like, what kind of access to information they had back then. 0.93

01:19:11.000 You know, everybody was all about love and fucking peace and love. 0.74

01:19:14.000 Why is that? 0.99

01:19:15.000 Why was it the 60s, the late 60s?

01:19:18.000 What's the drop-off between then and here?

01:19:20.000 You know?

01:19:21.000 It's drugs.

01:19:22.000 It's what it is. 0.98

01:19:23.000 When, you know, all that Summer of Love, all that Woodstock shit, they were all on acid, okay? 0.98

01:19:27.000 They were all on mushrooms, they were all on peyote, they were high as fuck, and they were realizing that this way of living the life that, you know, leads you to be your dad is not where it's at. 0.98

01:19:38.000 When you watch your dad drop dead of a fucking heart attack at 55 and you scarcely can remember him laughing three times ever, you know, and you go, what, I'm supposed to be that guy? 1.00

01:19:47.000 What the fuck is that? 0.99

01:19:49.000 You know? 0.99

01:19:49.000 And then the Vietnam War and all the disenchantment with our government. 0.99

01:19:54.000 I mean, that's what forced people to more drugs.

01:19:56.000 That's what forced the culture to change more.

01:20:00.000 We need something like that.

01:20:01.000 We need something like that right now. 0.99

01:20:02.000 Because the way we're doing it, we are just spinning our fucking wheels. 1.00

01:20:06.000 When the President wins the Nobel Peace Prize and then, like a week later, sends 30,000 people more into Afghanistan, you gotta go, what the fuck? 1.00

01:20:16.000 Really? 1.00

01:20:16.000 You know, what the fuck? 1.00

01:20:18.000 You think this is a good idea? 0.99

01:20:20.000 Nobody after the Vietnam War thought the Vietnam War was a good idea.

01:20:24.000 Less people are going to think the Afghanistan war is a good idea. 0.98

01:20:28.000 Because Afghanistan isn't even really a fucking country. 0.97

01:20:31.000 I mean, it's like one city and a hundred tribes. 0.98

01:20:36.000 You know, the way John McCain describes Afghanistan, he said it's run the same way it was run when Alexander the Great was around.

01:20:42.000 I mean, literally you have warlords, and they run tribes, and in between these warlords...

01:20:47.000 You know, there's a few Taliban, like, sprinkled in the hills.

01:20:50.000 And you know how we find out about these Taliban? 0.99

01:20:51.000 This is where it gets really funny.

01:20:53.000 We give the warlords Viagra.

01:20:56.000 Because the warlords can't get it up anymore. 1.00

01:20:58.000 And, you know, they want to still be the warlord, but, you know, they got, like, these six wives, and these chicks are, like, sitting around, going, when are you going to fuck me? 1.00

01:21:05.000 And they can't fuck them, so they take Viagra now. 1.00

01:21:08.000 And the soldiers give them Viagra, and they, in turn, give them information about the Taliban. 1.00

01:21:13.000 it's pretty funny shit okay let's see you How long will the world ignore the people that are dying of starvation? 0.74

01:21:34.000 I think Sam Kinison had the best answer to that. 0.98

01:21:37.000 Why don't you people live where the food is?

01:21:41.000 Okay, let me see.

01:21:45.000 Tiger Woods is gully.

01:21:47.000 I don't know what that means. 1.00

01:21:48.000 Fuck James Toney. 1.00

01:21:51.000 Big L, rest of peace. 1.00

01:21:53.000 Oh, Big L was a rapper that was shot and killed in Harlem in 1999. Thank you, Eternal.

01:22:01.000 Alright, damn, it's already almost 7 o'clock. 0.97

01:22:03.000 We've been doing this for an hour and a half. 0.99

01:22:05.000 All right, people.

01:22:13.000 I don't see anything more interesting here.

01:22:16.000 So I'm going to go back to Twitter.

01:22:19.000 I'm going to stay with you guys for another half an hour. 0.98

01:22:22.000 Oh, someone thinks I can't recognize two dudes dicks. 0.99

01:22:26.000 I claim earlier I'm proficient in identifying poor stars by their dicks. 0.99

01:22:30.000 Some fans might wonder if you're truly being honest because it seems kind of gay. 0.99

01:22:34.000 Whose is whose?

01:22:36.000 Peter North, Ron Jeremy, Rocco Sofretti.

01:22:39.000 I would say the bottom one, it looks a little like Ron Jeremy.

01:22:43.000 And the top one looks a little like Rocco Sofretti.

01:22:46.000 But the top one could be the same guy.

01:22:48.000 In which case, I'd say Bolter Ron Jeremy.

01:22:50.000 Am I right?

01:22:52.000 Sad.

01:22:53.000 So sad that I know.

01:22:54.000 Alright, Twitter.

01:22:55.000 Let's see what's on Twitter.

01:22:56.000 Goddammit, I love you too. 1.00

01:22:58.000 Heiress for Andrew, you motherfucker. 1.00

01:23:04.000 Infiltrate the White House kitchen and mix psychedelics in the food. 1.00

01:23:10.000 That might not be such a good idea.

01:23:11.000 Did you hear about what happened in France?

01:23:12.000 I'll find the article for you.

01:23:15.000 The CIA put LSD in...

01:23:25.000 They spiked...

01:23:27.000 I'll put the...

01:23:28.000 It's all over the internet.

01:23:31.000 Not just one...

01:23:35.000 I'll put one up on, but if you just look up CIA France LSD in Google, you will find many, many, many articles about it.

01:23:47.000 I'll put it up on Twitter right now.

01:23:49.000 Okay, I just threw it up on Twitter right I just threw it up on Twitter right there. 0.99

01:24:13.000 It's some fascinating shit, man. 0.99

01:24:14.000 So I don't think that dosing people with acid is the answer. 0.99

01:24:19.000 I think that's definitely not the way to go.

01:24:24.000 Any psychedelic drug should be done, if you're going to do it at all, with an understanding of what you're doing and you're doing it with someone who knows what they're doing, who's done it many times before.

01:24:33.000 And that's what the role of a shaman is supposed to be.

01:24:36.000 What a shaman is supposed to be is someone who can give you experience and help you and guide you through the experience of Literally leaving this world.

01:24:49.000 That's what psychedelics are all about.

01:24:51.000 Everybody thinks that to really leave this world, you're going to get a spaceship and you're going to go to another planet.

01:24:57.000 You can leave this world from right here.

01:25:00.000 You can leave this world in your own mind.

01:25:02.000 And it's much more possible to me that the real aliens, the real alien life, it's probably way weirder and way more complicated than we've got it broken down in the movies with metal ships and shit like that.

01:25:16.000 I think it's more of a dimensional thing.

01:25:21.000 I think there's, you know, if you talk to people that know anything about quantum physics, and I don't understand it, I don't get it, but...

01:25:27.000 From their claims, and supposedly this is mathematically provable, there's at least 11 dimensions.

01:25:33.000 That's just what we know about.

01:25:35.000 What does that even mean?

01:25:36.000 Do you even know what that means?

01:25:37.000 I'm not sure I do.

01:25:39.000 But I think that the way I think about it is that it's very likely that just this reality is just the reality that we're tuned into.

01:25:49.000 But there's probably...

01:25:51.000 An infinite number of different realities going on at the same time all around us.

01:25:56.000 We just can't tune into it.

01:25:57.000 We just don't, literally don't have the senses for it.

01:26:00.000 So it might be that alien life is here right now all the time.

01:26:04.000 It's just operating on like a different frequency on the dial.

01:26:08.000 You know, like that the world is a radio and that we're 97.1 but that the aliens are 109.8 and, you know, we just can't tune them in. 0.99

01:26:16.000 You know, who the fuck knows? 0.99

01:26:18.000 But you know, when you start talking aliens, people are going to think you're crazy. 0.99

01:26:25.000 If we ever did, man, if we ever did fucking find aliens, god damn, would that be a crazy day. 0.98

01:26:31.000 If they ever did come down, but I don't think they would be too nice to us because we're not so nice to chimps. 1.00

01:26:36.000 You know, look at what we do to killer whales, man. 0.99

01:26:38.000 You know, we take fucking killer whales and we know they're super smart and we don't care. 1.00

01:26:44.000 We don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:26:45.000 Get in the fish tank, stupid. 1.00

01:26:48.000 Get in the tank and do tricks. 1.00

01:26:49.000 You know, what makes us think that aliens are going to treat us any differently?

01:26:54.000 Maybe that's what all these alien abduction experiments are all about.

01:26:58.000 Maybe they don't think us seriously at all. 0.96

01:27:00.000 They just think we're crazy pink monkeys with nuclear weapons. 1.00

01:27:03.000 And they come down and they fuck with us. 0.99

01:27:04.000 And there's a joke that I do in my act about how if there really are aliens, I believe that Earth is the Tijuana of outer space. 0.99

01:27:11.000 And I really think that might be accurate. 0.99

01:27:14.000 This might be just a place to come to fuck around. 0.99

01:27:18.000 Why would you want to fix us? 0.99

01:27:20.000 So what?

01:27:20.000 So we can make more?

01:27:22.000 There's already six billion of us.

01:27:24.000 Why would you want to make more?

01:27:26.000 In the last hundred years, how many more people have been born? 0.99

01:27:32.000 Something like four or five fucking billion? 0.99

01:27:34.000 I mean, it's getting pretty nutty, man. 1.00

01:27:36.000 This motherfucker's going to get overcrowded soon. 0.99

01:27:41.000 If you're going to fix us, it would have to be a radical changing. 0.99

01:27:45.000 It would have to be really radical.

01:27:46.000 Because socially, we are not catching up to where we are technologically.

01:27:52.000 Our awareness is not up to what we're capable of.

01:27:55.000 We're capable of blowing up the whole planet.

01:27:58.000 We're capable of creating black holes. 1.00

01:28:00.000 We're capable of all kinds of nutty shit. 1.00

01:28:03.000 Just the nuclear arsenal that North Korea possesses. 1.00

01:28:07.000 Look at those dummies. 1.00

01:28:08.000 They got one fucking stupid little dude with glasses. 1.00

01:28:10.000 Makes him shut the lights out at night to save energy. 1.00

01:28:13.000 Nobody's got any money. 1.00

01:28:13.000 This motherfucker's got a gang of nuclear weapons. 1.00

01:28:15.000 Just wanted to launch on people. 1.00

01:28:20.000 Eleven...

01:28:20.000 Oh, look at this guy.

01:28:22.000 Eleven Dimensions Explained says...

01:28:25.000 S-Y-Z-G-Y-1-1-1-1-1.

01:28:30.000 I'll watch that and I still won't learn anymore.

01:28:32.000 I'll watch it, but I'll still be like, I'm not sure really what they're saying.

01:28:36.000 Okay. 0.98

01:28:43.000 A couple more questions and I'll get the fuck out of here. 0.99

01:28:47.000 I hear my little daughter's crying. 0.99

01:28:49.000 If aliens didn't exist, that says that everyone who was abducted or saw a UFO is crazy.

01:28:59.000 No, it doesn't.

01:29:01.000 Because first of all, what UFO means is unidentified.

01:29:04.000 And let me tell you something, man. 1.00

01:29:05.000 People are full of shit. 1.00

01:29:08.000 We did a thing. 1.00

01:29:09.000 I used to do a show called Game Show in my head.

01:29:11.000 I did it for CBS. And it was a hidden camera game show.

01:29:15.000 And what the show was, was we would have a contestant, and the contestant would have to convince people to do a bunch of shit, and it would be under a hidden camera. 0.92

01:29:24.000 And we set up in Hollywood, and this dude, we had a contestant dress up like a newscaster, like a guy who worked for Channel 4 News. 0.94

01:29:32.000 And he stood there on the street corner, And we had all these cameras pointed on him.

01:29:36.000 I mean cameras right on the people.

01:29:37.000 And he would go up to people and say, can you do me a favor?

01:29:40.000 I'm in a terrible situation.

01:29:42.000 We had a situation here earlier.

01:29:45.000 And a UFO landed.

01:29:47.000 They had to tell the people on camera that a UFO landed.

01:29:51.000 And that all these witnesses had seen it.

01:29:55.000 But then the witnesses took off.

01:29:56.000 So I need you to pretend that you saw it. 0.99

01:29:59.000 And every fucking person we asked to do that did it. 0.99

01:30:03.000 I thought no one was going to do it. 0.99

01:30:05.000 They just stepped right up and they said, so tell us about the experience.

01:30:07.000 The guy was like, well, you know, I saw the UFO and Ukraine was silver and lights were on the edge. 0.91

01:30:11.000 They describe it in detail.

01:30:13.000 And I'm sitting there like, what? 1.00

01:30:15.000 People love to be on camera and people are just generally full of shit. 0.99

01:30:19.000 And even if they did see something, by the time that story comes around and there's cameras on them and they're being interviewed and they're talking to reporters, that story is going to morph in their memory. 0.99

01:30:28.000 It's going to change. 0.99

01:30:29.000 Who knows what the fuck it was? 0.98

01:30:31.000 It could have been an experimental government jet. 0.99

01:30:33.000 It could have been a flock of birds at night.

01:30:35.000 It could have been a UFO. Who the fuck knows? 1.00

01:30:38.000 Who knows what it really was? 0.99

01:30:40.000 But... 0.98

01:30:41.000 The people that are talking about it are almost all nuts, man. 1.00

01:30:45.000 They're almost all loony. 0.99

01:30:46.000 So I think that people see things and then they blow those things up in their head.

01:30:51.000 And as far as the abduction experiences, all UFO abduction experiences occur while people are sleeping.

01:30:57.000 They're all occurring like late at night.

01:30:59.000 If you look at them, the bulk of them, except that people are just probably completely insane to think they come and take them, you know, they're in the middle of the day and bring them back and it seems like they're only gone for a second, but really they were gone for days.

01:31:11.000 There's some loons that will tell you some stories like that, but I think that what's going on is DMT-related. 0.73

01:31:18.000 Because we know that the brain produces DMT while a person is in heavy REM sleep.

01:31:24.000 And if you smoke DMT, the experience that you have is very much alien.

01:31:30.000 It's very much like what you would expect someone to be talking about if they were brought to another world or brought aboard a spaceship.

01:31:36.000 I mean, it feels like you're going onto something.

01:31:40.000 Who knows what kind of a response you would give these UFO people if you took them and gave them DMT and made them smoke DMT and go, okay, was that what you saw?

01:31:51.000 And if they were like, yeah, I was back on the ship, you go, okay, settle down.

01:31:55.000 Then you know.

01:31:56.000 Then you know what's going on.

01:31:57.000 What is that?

01:31:58.000 Are they really making contact with entities?

01:32:01.000 Is it really their brain and their imagination that becomes supercharged because of this chemical that floods through it?

01:32:08.000 And what is imagination exactly?

01:32:10.000 People can poo-poo that and say, oh, it's just you're making things up.

01:32:13.000 It's hallucinations.

01:32:15.000 Is it?

01:32:16.000 How do you know that that world is not just as real as this world?

01:32:20.000 Just because this world, you can bang on it and make noise.

01:32:23.000 You can feel it.

01:32:24.000 That doesn't mean it's more real.

01:32:26.000 That just means it's solid.

01:32:29.000 It's very possible that the world of the imagination, the world of your mind, the world of dreams is really a world, is really another dimension. 0.99

01:32:37.000 Who the fuck knows, son? 0.99

01:32:40.000 Do I believe in ghosts? 0.99

01:32:44.000 I'm not scared of them. 0.99

01:32:45.000 I fucking watch those ghost stories. 0.99

01:32:47.000 I go, what are they scared of? 1.00

01:32:48.000 These fucking ghosts never kill anybody. 1.00

01:32:50.000 You see? 1.00

01:32:50.000 I tell some shit. 1.00

01:32:51.000 It's amazing how many of those goddamn shows there are though. 1.00

01:32:54.000 Everybody wants to watch the paranormal. 1.00

01:32:58.000 Everybody's obsessed with UFOs and everybody's obsessed with shit that's not necessarily real. 1.00

01:33:06.000 Bigfoot. 0.99

01:33:06.000 I've always said that killer whales are way more interesting than Bigfoot. 0.99

01:33:09.000 These super intelligent animals that actually rescue people.

01:33:12.000 They kill great white sharks.

01:33:15.000 They kill dolphins.

01:33:16.000 They're ruthless, crazy, super intelligent animals. 0.78

01:33:19.000 They play with their dead. 0.99

01:33:21.000 Like seals.

01:33:21.000 You ever see killer whales?

01:33:22.000 Like throw a seal up in the air and swat them with their tail and send them flying. 0.99

01:33:26.000 They're fucking ruthless and they're super smart. 1.00

01:33:28.000 It's fascinating shit. 1.00

01:33:31.000 Alright, I think chat roulette. 1.00

01:33:33.000 If you've been on chat roulette, you've probably seen my dick. 0.99

01:33:36.000 Sorry. 0.99

01:33:37.000 No, I never put my dick out of chat roulette. 0.99

01:33:39.000 That's just rude, son. 0.99

01:33:42.000 I think it's funny, though.

01:33:43.000 I haven't done it yet.

01:33:45.000 I did the other roulette where you just type.

01:33:48.000 It's like a one-on-one personal messaging.

01:33:51.000 And there's always dudes trying to get like, are you a dude?

01:33:54.000 And I would say yes. 0.98

01:33:55.000 And then they would just fucking hang up on me. 0.99

01:33:57.000 So I started saying I was a chick. 0.93

01:33:59.000 And I did a few of those, and I put them up on the forums on joerogan.net.

01:34:04.000 It was kind of fun.

01:34:07.000 Alright.

01:34:07.000 Did Dan Hardy get to lead prog top 10 welterweights and get a title shot?

01:34:13.000 You know?

01:34:13.000 I don't know.

01:34:13.000 I mean, it's hard to say.

01:34:15.000 I think Dan Hardy's an exciting dude. 1.00

01:34:17.000 He talks a lot of shit. 0.99

01:34:18.000 He's saying all the right things. 1.00

01:34:20.000 He's got serious power in his hands. 0.99

01:34:21.000 It's just whether or not he's going to be able to deal with that fucking wrestling game of GSPs. 0.99

01:34:26.000 GSP can take you down, man. 0.99

01:34:28.000 He's such an athlete, man.

01:34:29.000 He's so explosive.

01:34:30.000 And I think it's just really hard for dudes to avoid that takedown. 1.00

01:34:34.000 And he gets on top of you and stays on top, he's going to beat your ass. 0.97

01:34:37.000 You know, the thing about GSP is, will it be a fight like the Thiago Alves fight, where he neutralized Alves, but he never really came close to stopping him? 1.00

01:34:45.000 Or will it be a fight like the Fitch fight or the BJ fight, where he just gets on top of him and beats the fucking shit out of him? 0.94

01:34:50.000 Or will Hardy have something up his sleeve? 0.96

01:34:53.000 Maybe Hardy's takedown defense is better than we thought it is.

01:34:57.000 Maybe Hardy has a strategy for how to counter the double and how to stop him when he's coming in.

01:35:03.000 Or how to take it to him.

01:35:05.000 Or maybe he's gonna pull guard. 0.97

01:35:06.000 Who the fuck knows what Hardy's gonna do? 0.98

01:35:08.000 Hardy's a very, very smart guy. 0.99

01:35:10.000 And he's very confident.

01:35:11.000 It's real confidence. 0.94

01:35:12.000 It's not bullshit.

01:35:13.000 He really believes that he's gonna clip GSP and he's gonna rock him and he's gonna go home with the title. 1.00

01:35:18.000 Who the fuck knows, son? 0.98

01:35:21.000 It's going to be interesting. 1.00

01:35:24.000 Spiced bag of ice.

01:35:26.000 Oh, spilled bag of ice says that the 11th dimension is in his pants.

01:35:30.000 Wow.

01:35:31.000 That spilled bag of ice is still around.

01:35:33.000 I thought you would have abandoned that Twitter by now.

01:35:35.000 You've got a lot of stick-to-itiveness, son.

01:35:37.000 Good for you.

01:35:39.000 Alright.

01:35:40.000 I think that's enough, right?

01:35:42.000 It's already 7-11.

01:35:44.000 That's a perfect time to end.

01:35:46.000 We are proof that aliens exist.

01:35:48.000 Perspective.

01:35:49.000 Okay, I don't know what you're talking about.

01:35:51.000 Now you've done too much drugs. 0.99

01:35:52.000 You're ruining the whole cause, goddammit. 0.97

01:35:55.000 I will look one more time for a good question on the forums.joerogan.net. 0.99

01:36:00.000 And if we cannot find one, we'll wrap it up, bitches. 1.00

01:36:03.000 Did anyone ever wonder why we lose all the good rappers that have a significant place in hip-hop history? 0.97

01:36:17.000 Rappers like Tupac, Big E, Big L, Easy E. Well, I don't know who Big L is.

01:36:21.000 Easy E, yeah. 1.00

01:36:22.000 Yet we're stuck with garbage like Nelly and fucking Soldier Boy. 1.00

01:36:26.000 Yeah, that's interesting. 1.00

01:36:28.000 I think rappers, man, that life.

01:36:31.000 You know, the life is all guns. 0.99

01:36:32.000 I mean, when you're Tupac and you got fucking machine guns tattooed on your body, it says thug life on your stomach. 0.98

01:36:38.000 You know, those aren't signs of a long and healthy career. 0.98

01:36:41.000 He was like the first dude to like cover his body, his whole body with tattoos too.

01:36:45.000 They're all doing that now.

01:36:47.000 It's really crazy.

01:36:48.000 You know, Lil Wayne, I think it's hilarious that Lil Wayne said that he's a gangster, like he told Katie Couric, I'm a gangster, Miss Katie.

01:36:54.000 Meanwhile, they put him in jail, they immediately put him in protective custody.

01:36:59.000 You're a gangster maybe, and you got all your money and you're outside, but the inside world, no, you are a singer. 1.00

01:37:06.000 You're an entertainer and it would be awesome if one of those guys fucked your face. 1.00

01:37:10.000 Not for everybody, for them, for that guy to fuck your face. 1.00

01:37:13.000 I'm not saying that I'm looking forward to you getting your face fucked. 1.00

01:37:16.000 But let's be realistic. 1.00

01:37:18.000 It would happen. 0.99

01:37:19.000 God damn it. 1.00

01:37:20.000 You motherfuckers. 1.00

01:37:22.000 Alright. 1.00

01:37:23.000 I think that's it.

01:37:25.000 There's no more I can say.

01:37:27.000 Like I said, I'm going to be at Gotham at Gotham Comedy Club next Friday.

01:37:34.000 Next Friday is the 26th for two shows.

01:37:39.000 It's almost sold out. 0.99

01:37:41.000 So if you want to get tickets, you've got to jump on that shit right away. 0.99

01:37:44.000 It'll definitely be sold out by that day. 0.94

01:37:46.000 So I'll see you guys then.

01:37:48.000 I'll be on Opie and Anthony that Friday in the morning as well.

01:37:51.000 Looking forward to that.

01:37:53.000 Looking forward to the UFC that Saturday, the 27th. 0.97

01:37:58.000 That should be fun as fuck and everything else. 0.81

01:38:02.000 Thank you everybody for tuning in. 0.88

01:38:03.000 I have kept my promise to keep up this weekly podcast.

01:38:07.000 It is now also on iTunes, the audio version.

01:38:12.000 It's on iTunes.

01:38:14.000 So check it out.

01:38:15.000 Thank you guys for your support.

01:38:16.000 Thanks for everything.

01:38:17.000 And I really appreciate it.

01:38:19.000 And I will see you next week.

01:38:21.000 Next week I will do this on home Monday.

01:38:25.000 I will do this Tuesday next week.

01:38:27.000 So I'll see you guys next Tuesday.

01:38:31.000 I love you.

The Joe Rogan Experience - March 20, 2010

Joe Rogan Experience #12 - Joe Rogan

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript