The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #124 - Michael Schiavello (Part 1)

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight.

00:00:07.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for The Fleshlight and enter in the code name ROGAN, you will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men.

00:00:18.000 Did I give you one last time you ran?

00:00:19.000 No.

00:00:19.000 I got one for you.

00:00:20.000 I got one for you.

00:00:21.000 My brother.

00:00:22.000 Nice tight one. 0.99

00:00:23.000 Alright, buckle up bitches. 1.00

00:00:24.000 Michael Chiavello's in the house. 0.98

00:00:25.000 This will be the spot where I play the music, but I don't have it.

00:00:29.000 I don't have it here.

00:00:31.000 My assistant is not here, so we're going commando style.

00:00:35.000 It's good to be back here, brother.

00:00:37.000 Good to see you, my friend.

00:00:38.000 Internationally known and locally respected, Michael Chiavello, my pal, my colleague.

00:00:45.000 Yeah, you're like...

00:00:46.000 We have an interesting friendship. 0.96

00:00:49.000 There's only a few of us that do this martial arts commentary shit professionally. 0.97

00:00:56.000 There's a small handful. 0.91

00:00:58.000 It was cool when I first met you.

00:01:01.000 It was cool you're a good dude.

00:01:03.000 It was fun to hang with you.

00:01:04.000 You too, man.

00:01:05.000 We first met Edmonton after your show there.

00:01:08.000 It's always nice when someone else does what you do and you actually like them.

00:01:12.000 Very true.

00:01:13.000 Thank you. 1.00

00:01:14.000 Yeah, and for sure, no one's better at that K1 shit. 0.99

00:01:18.000 There's no one better at Muay Thai commentary than you, man. 0.99

00:01:21.000 You're the best.

00:01:21.000 I listen all the time.

00:01:22.000 I watch that HD9. I told you, when you got here, when Mike and his wife got here, I was, or his fiancee, rather, I was fucking working out in the garage with his voice on the TV. Yeah, I got it set up so there's a TV back there, and that's all I ever watch. 0.95

00:01:37.000 Yeah, that's cool.

00:01:37.000 Man, your setup out there is insane, man.

00:01:39.000 It's so nice to have.

00:01:40.000 That's crazy.

00:01:41.000 I can never...

00:01:41.000 I have no excuse for not being in shape.

00:01:44.000 There's a gym right there.

00:01:45.000 I can't...

00:01:45.000 I don't have to go anywhere.

00:01:46.000 Four-size octagon, man.

00:01:47.000 Yeah, I just step out of my house and wander into it, man.

00:01:50.000 It's nice.

00:01:51.000 Man, it's good to be here.

00:01:52.000 This has been a long trip.

00:01:53.000 It's the final stretch now.

00:01:54.000 Michael's thinking about moving here, ladies and gentlemen.

00:01:56.000 Yeah.

00:01:57.000 He might move to the United States of America.

00:01:59.000 It's a long way to travel, brother, every two weeks from Melbourne to LA, then wherever we do the shows on HDNet and all the way back home.

00:02:06.000 Then when I have to go to Europe, like before I came here, this trip I was in Europe.

00:02:10.000 Then last month I was in Europe for Bama.

00:02:12.000 How far is it to Europe?

00:02:14.000 From Australia to get to, let's say, Italy, where I just was before this trip, 35 hours.

00:02:19.000 From the time I left my house to the time I arrived in Rome was like 35 hours.

00:02:25.000 Oh my god.

00:02:27.000 That doesn't seem like it would be right.

00:02:28.000 It seems like you're going the wrong way.

00:02:30.000 It seems like there must be a quicker way.

00:02:32.000 Can we go the other way?

00:02:34.000 Can we go over the pole?

00:02:34.000 Spin the world back around like Superman did the other way.

00:02:38.000 That's like flying from Sydney to Melbourne by going all the way around the planet.

00:02:42.000 Yeah, by going the opposite way.

00:02:43.000 Really?

00:02:44.000 Yeah.

00:02:44.000 Well, where is it?

00:02:46.000 Is there another way to go?

00:02:48.000 No, there's not.

00:02:48.000 It seems like there would be a way to go that's shorter.

00:02:49.000 No, we have to go from Melbourne up to Hong Kong.

00:02:53.000 Then from Hong Kong, we switch planes and fly across China, Russia, Siberia, into Europe.

00:02:58.000 I need a map of the world to really wrap my head around this.

00:03:01.000 I'm going to need to look at a map of the world.

00:03:03.000 It's nuts, man.

00:03:03.000 We're very far away.

00:03:04.000 That's why Aussies travel so much. 1.00

00:03:06.000 You were just on a holiday recently, and you said you saw a lot of Aussies around.

00:03:09.000 Oh, yeah. 0.94

00:03:10.000 The Aussies are traveling because our dollar's good and your dollar sucks, so it's a good time for us to travel. 1.00

00:03:14.000 Yeah, everything's cheaper at the moment.

00:03:15.000 How does that work?

00:03:16.000 Man, our dollar's killing your dollar.

00:03:18.000 For the first time I can ever remember in my life.

00:03:20.000 Well, I never knew whether or not you guys had a strong dollar or a weak dollar, but I'll never understand the dollar.

00:03:25.000 I'll never understand...

00:03:26.000 No, I don't understand how it shifts and moves, and I don't understand how ours is so strong.

00:03:29.000 It's such a small population as well.

00:03:31.000 How there's the same amount of people, okay?

00:03:34.000 There's the same amount of stuff...

00:03:36.000 And then somehow or another, there's not as much money and things are closing.

00:03:41.000 It seems illogical.

00:03:43.000 It seems like if you look at it just from a pure resource-based standpoint, okay, there's a certain amount of oil, there's a certain amount of wood, there's a certain amount of plastic, a certain amount of material to make things, a certain amount of desire and need for these things.

00:03:55.000 So once money gets moving, it pretty much stays moving.

00:03:58.000 What happens?

00:03:59.000 What is it that creates some giant hiccup that fucks the whole system sideways?

00:04:04.000 I mean, if you watch Inside Job or any of these movies on it, you get to find out what it really is and see how deep the corruption is.

00:04:10.000 But to a layperson like myself, who knows very little about economics...

00:04:15.000 It almost seems like it can't happen.

00:04:16.000 But just even countries getting into debt.

00:04:18.000 Like Greece.

00:04:19.000 Greece is almost bankrupt.

00:04:20.000 What do they do when they run out of money now?

00:04:22.000 Does someone buy Greece?

00:04:24.000 Well, I think we're right there too.

00:04:26.000 You know, you guys are on the brink of it as well.

00:04:27.000 And what happens when that happens?

00:04:29.000 I don't know.

00:04:29.000 Your debt's like several trillion dollars.

00:04:31.000 Who do we owe the money to?

00:04:34.000 That's what I don't understand.

00:04:35.000 Who are you borrowing from?

00:04:36.000 Is it other countries?

00:04:37.000 If every country in the world is in debt, is that the case?

00:04:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:04:41.000 That would be the most ridiculous shit ever. 0.99

00:04:43.000 If that is the case, someone needs to write a book about that. 1.00

00:04:47.000 The world as bankruptcy.

00:04:49.000 Because if that is the case, every country, then we have to figure out who they owe the money to.

00:04:54.000 And once you find out who they owe the money to, then you find out the New World Order.

00:04:57.000 Exactly.

00:04:58.000 Then you find out the real CFR. Maybe Greece and now America is taking that lesson from Taiwan.

00:05:04.000 How to spend too much money and not be able to pay it all back.

00:05:07.000 Yeah, we were talking about this before.

00:05:09.000 You know, Michael's been doing the K1 commentary forever and all the great K1 events, the Grand Prix's, the K1 Max and the Max Grand Prix's and the finals. 0.98

00:05:21.000 Fuck, you called some amazing fights.

00:05:23.000 But apparently it's just not as popular as it used to be. 1.00

00:05:26.000 And now they're hurting financially, unfortunately.

00:05:28.000 They're hurting big time financially.

00:05:30.000 They owe most of their top fighters money.

00:05:31.000 They owe a lot of their staff money as well.

00:05:33.000 It's just not coming through.

00:05:34.000 So without the money to be able to pay fighters, how are they even going to stage a Grand Prix this year?

00:05:40.000 How is the Ream going to get to defend the title if you can't afford your Alistair's and your Barahari's and your Semi-Shultz and your Reambo and Bonjasky's?

00:05:46.000 God, I really don't see how that isn't a home run if somebody wanted to pick it up.

00:05:52.000 You know, and I talked to Dana White about this.

00:05:55.000 I said, dude, have you ever thought about buying the K-1? 0.98

00:05:57.000 And it's like, eh, people don't give a fuck about K-1. 0.87

00:06:00.000 And it's like, you know, people... 0.77

00:06:01.000 You know, don't want to see kickboxing and sort of like PK, karate kind of like ruined it.

00:06:05.000 Like there's some really good fights, but people, you know, MMA is so huge and so popular that it would almost be like, and I saw his point, it's like almost like creating your own competitor or something like that or building up a business that doesn't exist.

00:06:20.000 But their product, though, is pretty much once somebody sees it, then you're hooked on it.

00:06:25.000 Yeah, but that's what I'm saying.

00:06:27.000 People might say that some kickboxing never took off, or maybe he's not as...

00:06:33.000 I know Dana doesn't spend nearly as much time watching kickboxing as I do. 0.96

00:06:37.000 I'm a huge K-1 fan, and I love watching it.

00:06:41.000 I watch it all the time.

00:06:42.000 There's guys that don't get into it, like Eddie Bravo.

00:06:44.000 Can't get into it, man.

00:06:45.000 He goes, I try to watch, and I can't watch it.

00:06:47.000 Maybe it's just because I started off in striking base martial arts so I can appreciate the Giorgio Petrosians or the Masatos or those kind of characters. 0.95

00:06:55.000 But to me, man, how the fuck do you not want the K1 Heavyweight Grand Prix? 0.89

00:07:00.000 Exactly. 0.99

00:07:01.000 Has it ever been anything but fucking crazy? 0.98

00:07:03.000 Exactly. 0.98

00:07:04.000 Every year.

00:07:04.000 I don't think I can remember a boring Grand Prix.

00:07:06.000 Maybe like 0304 when Remy won it both times and both times he went the distance in every fight.

00:07:12.000 Right.

00:07:13.000 Every other Grand Prix has been amazing.

00:07:15.000 He's an interesting case, isn't he?

00:07:17.000 He's so technical.

00:07:19.000 He's an interesting guy.

00:07:20.000 A lot of fighters don't like him.

00:07:22.000 A lot of fighters don't like his personality.

00:07:25.000 They don't like what he represents.

00:07:27.000 Remy is an interesting guy.

00:07:28.000 A gentleman?

00:07:29.000 Yeah.

00:07:29.000 Like an absolute gentleman, so well-mannered.

00:07:32.000 But then you also have to wonder if that is not just for when it's in public.

00:07:36.000 A lot of the fighters don't like Remy.

00:07:38.000 I personally like the guy.

00:07:39.000 He's a cool guy.

00:07:40.000 I don't know if he's a guy I could spend 24 hours with or hang out at nightclubs or parties with.

00:07:45.000 Always a gentleman.

00:07:46.000 But I never see many of the other fighters hanging out with Remy. 0.97

00:07:50.000 For the people who don't know what we're talking about, this is K1 deep inside shit, Remy is Remy Bonjowski.

00:07:56.000 Who's one of the greatest kickboxers to ever come out of Holland, which is one of the greatest kickboxing centers in the world, where America has really kind of lost touch with kickboxing. 0.94

00:08:08.000 Holland has really embraced the sport, and it's gigantic over there.

00:08:12.000 Guys like, you know, Peter Ertz, guys like Ernesto Hust, and, you know, and...

00:08:17.000 Tyrone Spohn, enormously popular.

00:08:20.000 Sure.

00:08:20.000 Rob Kamen.

00:08:21.000 Yeah, Raymond Decker's.

00:08:22.000 He's a great friend of mine, Raymond Decker's.

00:08:24.000 So there's so many great, great fighters that come out of there.

00:08:26.000 They're huge celebrities over there.

00:08:28.000 It's a totally different experience.

00:08:30.000 Holland's a small country, but their kickboxing is legendary.

00:08:34.000 For this one small part of the world, they've produced some of the greatest kickboxers of all time.

00:08:40.000 And the respect over there for these guys is very mainstream.

00:08:43.000 I mean, two years might have been...

00:08:45.000 No, 2008 it was.

00:08:46.000 Ernesto Hoos got, like, knighted by...

00:08:48.000 I don't know if it's the royal family of the government.

00:08:51.000 It must be the royal family of Holland, obviously.

00:08:52.000 Got knighted.

00:08:53.000 So we were joking in Japan.

00:08:54.000 I'm like, Ernesto, do I have to call you Sir Ernesto now?

00:08:57.000 But how crazy is that to think a kickboxer gets knighted?

00:09:00.000 I mean, could you imagine that happening here?

00:09:03.000 In America.

00:09:03.000 In America?

00:09:04.000 It happening in Britain, even?

00:09:06.000 No way Michael Bisping's going to become Sir Michael Bisping anytime soon.

00:09:09.000 Maybe.

00:09:09.000 Yeah.

00:09:10.000 In his own mind.

00:09:11.000 Popular fella.

00:09:13.000 It is unusual, and if fighters want to learn kickboxing in this day and age, there's two places in the world that they travel to.

00:09:20.000 They will either travel to Thailand, or they'll travel to Holland.

00:09:24.000 It's that simple.

00:09:25.000 If you want to learn the genuine art of Muay Thai, which is Thailand's national martial art dating back thousands of years and has long been their military martial art, still is their military martial art.

00:09:34.000 You know, you go to Thailand to learn it.

00:09:36.000 Any of the great camps over there from Fairtec, Sitchatong, WMC Camp in Koh Samui, and you learn the knees, the elbows, the grappling, and all the Thai techniques.

00:09:47.000 If you go to Holland, though, what you're primarily learning is modified Thai.

00:09:51.000 It's the punches, the kicks, and the knees with limited clinching and pretty much no elbows.

00:09:56.000 You know, they have elbow fights over there, obviously, but the main rules are modified tie, which is knees and no elbows.

00:10:02.000 And why did they eliminate elbows?

00:10:03.000 Just, I think, for the reason that, you know, the cuts, first of all, stop a very good fight.

00:10:09.000 As much as I love seeing a good elbow, there are a lot of times, especially commentating Muay Thai, where I rue having elbows in the sport because I've seen some great battles where two guys are going back and forth, just pounding at each other four rounds We go into the fifth round, you think, oh, this is going to go down to the wire.

00:10:25.000 Could be anyone's fight.

00:10:26.000 And then some guy throws one elbow that cuts the other dude.

00:10:29.000 And the cut may not be that deep, but most times they'll tend to stop a fight.

00:10:35.000 Now, if it cuts over the eyes and it's going to run into the eyes, and I've seen perfectly good fights stopped from cuts.

00:10:41.000 I see it that way, but I also see it the other way.

00:10:44.000 They're so effective.

00:10:45.000 If you take them out, you're taking out a part of what makes it a martial art.

00:10:49.000 If you're talking self-defense, I believe Muay Thai is one of the best arts you can learn for self-defense.

00:10:54.000 It's so complete.

00:10:55.000 Self-defense reasons, yeah.

00:10:56.000 For entertainment purposes, though, and especially for television purposes, and where you're trying to grow sports, like in Holland back in the day, and in Japan, how they grew kickboxing since Master Rishi invented K1 in 1993. And the thing was all about television ratings.

00:11:11.000 You know, K1 used to have a long-time clinching rule where you could put on a Muay Thai clinch and grapple with the guy like you do in Muay Thai.

00:11:17.000 Till Alistair came and Bob Sapp came along and guys that could hang on to people and just bludgeon them.

00:11:25.000 So now it's like one hand, one clinch, knee and release.

00:11:29.000 Yeah.

00:11:29.000 But it's all for television purposes.

00:11:31.000 In Thailand, you have to fight with elbows.

00:11:33.000 You can't fight modified Thai. 0.57

00:11:35.000 I mean, there's a lot of rules when you fight a proper sanctioned bout in Thailand.

00:11:39.000 You've got to wear the mongkol and the flower shop around the neck. 0.99

00:11:42.000 A lot of guys wear the praje, the armbands.

00:11:45.000 What is the significance of all that stuff?

00:11:47.000 It's all superstitious.

00:11:48.000 The Thais are very, very superstitious, always have been. 1.00

00:11:50.000 And usually the mongkol, which is what they wear around their head, looks like a tennis racket. 1.00

00:11:55.000 Yeah.

00:11:55.000 It's compulsory, if you fight for the WMC in particular, which is the world-sanctioning body, to wear a monkol on your way to the ring.

00:12:03.000 You have to do it.

00:12:04.000 You also have to do the Waikuru Ramoy, which is a pre-fight ritual of a Thai fighter that looks like a dance.

00:12:11.000 I suppose a mix between a dance and a yoga routine, almost.

00:12:16.000 And...

00:12:17.000 What they're doing there is, it's very deep meaning.

00:12:20.000 They're blessing their corner and asking the gods to bless their corner, thank their trainer, and also bless the opposite corner and hope that your opponent doesn't get hurt too much.

00:12:28.000 And you have to perform this before every single fight, you know, WMC in Thailand in particular.

00:12:34.000 And these guys can go for a long time.

00:12:36.000 Some of them I've seen have been up to five minutes long.

00:12:38.000 You know, it's crazy.

00:12:40.000 But it's all part of the beautiful, formal history of the sport that they're maintaining.

00:12:45.000 Do you know Sam Sheridan?

00:12:47.000 Do you know who he is?

00:12:47.000 Sam is the writer of A Fighter's Heart, A Fighter's Mind.

00:12:51.000 He's actually married to my friend Paddy and I got a chance to hang out with that dude and talk to him.

00:12:57.000 He's a really, really cool guy.

00:12:59.000 And he went over there and lived in Thailand and stayed over there for months and had a Muay Thai fight and they documented it for a TV show.

00:13:08.000 It was a really fascinating experience, man.

00:13:10.000 It's really, really cool to watch.

00:13:12.000 He did the full dance.

00:13:15.000 Yeah, he did all that before, you know, all traditional, you know, and it was fascinating.

00:13:21.000 And he got really set up.

00:13:22.000 They set him up with some Yakuza-type dude covered in tattoos who's a badass kickboxer.

00:13:28.000 They tried to say that this guy was like an amateur, but the guy wasn't in that good of shape, and he tired out, and Sam got him.

00:13:34.000 He got hurt before that.

00:13:35.000 He got cracked by this guy.

00:13:37.000 And he's, you know, relatively amateur.

00:13:39.000 It's crazy over there.

00:13:40.000 It's just so popular.

00:13:41.000 You know, it's on TV every night.

00:13:42.000 It's on Channel 7. It shows a lot of the fights.

00:13:44.000 Channel 7 has their own stadium.

00:13:45.000 And as you know, in Thailand, it's not so much about being a world champion.

00:13:49.000 It's about being a stadium champion.

00:13:51.000 And the two main stadiums are Lumpini and Rajdamun Stadium.

00:13:55.000 And if you're a champion of either one of those stadiums, you're like the man.

00:13:59.000 You know, you're like top of the sport.

00:14:01.000 WMC champions, WBC champions.

00:14:04.000 It's like, eh, they don't consider them that highly in Thailand.

00:14:06.000 If you're a stadium champion, you're the man.

00:14:08.000 Wow.

00:14:09.000 So is it like, this is my house, and then everybody has to come to fight you in your house?

00:14:13.000 Pretty much.

00:14:14.000 Defend that title?

00:14:15.000 So a stadium champion, like, the stadiums are so popular that a fighter, like, say, Dodger Stadium, the guy would be the Dodger Stadium champion.

00:14:22.000 The Dodger Stadium champion.

00:14:23.000 And then people would all come together.

00:14:24.000 They have a ranking system.

00:14:25.000 Wow.

00:14:26.000 And then you get to be number one contender and fight so-and-so for the Dodger Stadium title.

00:14:30.000 And that's the thing.

00:14:31.000 It's huge over there.

00:14:32.000 And they start really young, right?

00:14:34.000 They start really young.

00:14:35.000 Five, six years old.

00:14:37.000 Kids are fighting already.

00:14:38.000 By the time that they reach 18, 19, 20 years old, they've already had 150 fights.

00:14:44.000 God!

00:14:44.000 You know, we're commentating Thai guys.

00:14:46.000 Sanchai.

00:14:47.000 Sanchai saw Kingstar YouTube him.

00:14:49.000 He's amazing.

00:14:50.000 Does these acrobatic cartwheel kicks.

00:14:52.000 You know, former Lumpini and Regimen champion, multiple champion.

00:14:56.000 And, you know, commentating him just a fight that he had in Queensland, Australia a few weeks ago against Kurt Finlayson.

00:15:03.000 Dude's got like 230 fights, 240 fights.

00:15:07.000 I've commentated guys with over 300 fights.

00:15:10.000 Amazing.

00:15:11.000 And that's full-time rules.

00:15:12.000 That's knees and elbows.

00:15:14.000 And in my opinion, that style is the most effective style for stand-up.

00:15:18.000 There's a lot of techniques that you find in other martial arts like wheel kicks and turning sidekicks that are real knockout techniques.

00:15:25.000 But if you want to look at one comprehensive package for striking, It's so economical with the leg kicks, the short movements to create big power, the emphasis on power, especially the emphasis on power leg kicks, where they know there's only a certain amount of these you can take.

00:15:41.000 Well, you know, there's a lot of flashy techniques, as you said before, in other martial arts, but think about it.

00:15:44.000 For a self-defense purpose, if you're in a nightclub and some drunk guy's barreled you up against a wall, You're not going to It hurts, from that position.

00:16:14.000 It's amazing how much control they have over you.

00:16:16.000 Once you control your neck, like a handle.

00:16:18.000 You control the body weight.

00:16:19.000 You control the opponent's motion, which is, I'm surprised that actually we don't see in mixed martial arts people utilizing the Thai clinch the way the Thais do and using it for takedowns. 0.99

00:16:29.000 Yet again, you watch someone like, you know, WMC champion Tan Matsui or Sanchai and you see him lock up When you fought like Kurt Finlayson in Australia, would lock up with Kurt and just wrench him to the canvas.

00:16:40.000 And the ties also follow you down onto the canvas, because what they like to do is...

00:16:44.000 Drop the weight, drop a knee on you.

00:16:46.000 You know, knee your head, knee on the ribcage, on the way down.

00:16:50.000 So if you look at that from a mixed martial arts position, these guys are often ending up in a mount almost, if not inside control from this beautiful...

00:16:57.000 Wrenching takedown.

00:16:58.000 And they can throw even grapplers around with it, man.

00:17:02.000 Remember when Anderson got a hold of Rich Franklin?

00:17:04.000 Rich Franklin had no idea that Anderson would ever do that to him.

00:17:07.000 His thought was that Anderson is going to want to strike with him, so he's going to want to keep his distance.

00:17:11.000 When Anderson just grabbed a hold of him and locked those two forearms together, it's like you're caught in a vice grip, man.

00:17:16.000 If you're fighting a good Muay Thai fighter, you're not getting out.

00:17:18.000 I've seen small ties doing seminars in Australia and watching them train through Throw around big guys.

00:17:26.000 You know, you see like a 55 kilogram Thai throwing around a guy that weighs 85, 90 kilos, just ragdolling him. 1.00

00:17:33.000 It's amazing.

00:17:33.000 It's an amazing position.

00:17:35.000 Yeah.

00:17:35.000 People don't utilize it enough.

00:17:37.000 But it's one of those things that's going to slowly come over, you know, the real high level versions of it are going to come over into MMA. And then we're going to really see people appreciating it.

00:17:46.000 I see, you know, you see the Anderson Silva version of it, but there's some guys out there like Bull Cow. 1.00

00:17:51.000 That motherfucker grabs a hold of your neck. 1.00

00:17:54.000 He gets those elbows planted and clips that hand behind the neck. 1.00

00:17:58.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

00:17:59.000 You're locked. 1.00

00:17:59.000 It's like anything else. 1.00

00:18:01.000 There's levels of it.

00:18:02.000 There's the Marcelo Garcia rear naked choke, which is, you know...

00:18:06.000 in all due respect, it's not like a Mark Coleman rear naked choke.

00:18:09.000 You know what I mean?

00:18:10.000 There's levels of the technique.

00:18:12.000 Mark Coleman gets your back. 1.00

00:18:13.000 He's going to squeeze the fucking shit out of you and put you unconscious. 1.00

00:18:15.000 But he's a gorilla, brute force, power wrestler. 1.00

00:18:19.000 Even though he knows the technique, he doesn't have it, that laser sharp, effective technique like a Marcelo Garcia, like the highest end Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

00:18:28.000 And that's no disrespect to Coleman.

00:18:29.000 It's just like these really super, super technical guys You get a guy who's super, super technical at that clinch and really understands it.

00:18:36.000 And the thing is that the Thai fighters, you know, these guys are doing it with 12-ounce, 10-ounce gloves on.

00:18:41.000 Just so hard.

00:18:42.000 Yeah.

00:18:42.000 You know, to lock on a clinch like that, so tight the way they do it with these large gloves.

00:18:46.000 These aren't mixed martial arts four ounces.

00:18:48.000 But they have the benefit of not worrying about someone taking them down.

00:18:51.000 Very true.

00:18:52.000 That's really what a big, big part of it is.

00:18:54.000 And it's like one of the things that I would tell people about Taekwondo.

00:18:56.000 Obviously, Taekwondo is not of the most effective martial art, but there's a few things in it that if you get really good at it, you can fuck people up with it.

00:19:03.000 And they won't know that you know how to do it because for most people, it's a very, very difficult thing to learn, like spinning hook kicks and head kicks and all those techniques.

00:19:11.000 And the reason why people get so good at it in Taekwondo is because in Taekwondo tournaments you can't punch to the face and you can't take a guy down.

00:19:18.000 So you only concentrate on all these crazy leg techniques and in doing so you get a level of dexterity that you would never get if you looked at the whole thing.

00:19:28.000 So that's like the argument in martial arts and mixed martial arts of being the specialist instead of being someone who's a jack of all trades.

00:19:37.000 You know, being someone who's a killer at Muay Thai or being someone who's a killer at one particular aspect of mixed martial arts is way better than being pretty good at all of them.

00:19:49.000 The other thing that gets me about, you know, you're talking about kicking in the various martial arts is just how...

00:19:53.000 You think to yourself, if you don't know anything about martial arts, you think how many possible ways are there to throw a round kick at somebody.

00:19:59.000 But the fact is, there are so many different ways.

00:20:01.000 There's a lot.

00:20:03.000 Throws a Mawashigeti different than a round kick from Taekwondo.

00:20:05.000 Different from a round kick from Shotokan.

00:20:07.000 Different from a round kick by a Savat fighter.

00:20:09.000 Different from a round kick from a Muay Thai fighter.

00:20:11.000 So many different ways that they throw them between the arts.

00:20:14.000 And it's amazing how these have adapted over hundreds of years.

00:20:18.000 Well, the question mark, Craig, is really just starting to make its way into MMA. I mean, really starting to be more effective in MMA. And this is something that Kyokushin guys have been throwing for decades.

00:20:25.000 Taekwondo guys, forever.

00:20:26.000 In Taekwondo, we would call it the fake front round kick. 0.92

00:20:29.000 And basically the idea is that it comes like a front kick and then turns over nowhere and the opponent has no idea it's going to hit his face and those are the ones that really fuck you up. 0.54

00:20:40.000 Yeah.

00:20:40.000 If you want to see them, like YouTube Glare by Fatosa.

00:20:42.000 Yes.

00:20:43.000 Or Francisco Filio.

00:20:44.000 And that's why they called it the Brazilian kick.

00:20:46.000 That's exactly why.

00:20:47.000 People nicknamed it the Brazilian kick because of those two gentlemen.

00:20:49.000 Exactly why.

00:20:49.000 Those guys were badass Kyokushin fighters that made their way to K1. Yep.

00:20:53.000 They both had that technique down.

00:20:54.000 Otherwise known as the upside down kick or question mark kick.

00:20:57.000 I love it.

00:20:58.000 Brilliant kick.

00:20:59.000 And we still don't see the front leg roundhouse kick from Taekwondo style.

00:21:02.000 There's a fast Taekwondo front leg roundhouse kick.

00:21:05.000 But the thing about a Taekwondo guy is that if you get really good at Taekwondo, you are going to have to be the kind of guy that can stop and look at it and go, okay, but I suck at all these other things. 0.99

00:21:15.000 Now I've got to go get my ass kicked at something that I suck at. 0.87

00:21:19.000 Instead of go to the gym and be a hero, now you're going to the gym and you're getting tapped out all the time. 1.00

00:21:24.000 When you do that lead leg round kick in Taekwondo, are you switching up or are you throwing it off the lead stance?

00:21:28.000 Right off the lead leg.

00:21:29.000 You slide in.

00:21:30.000 You slide in.

00:21:30.000 It's got an amazing amount of power.

00:21:32.000 And it's very fast.

00:21:34.000 It's almost like a fencer coming forward and thrusting the sword at you.

00:21:37.000 You skip on that lead.

00:21:38.000 You know who used to do it, but he did it Thai style, was Pele.

00:21:41.000 Pele had a very good front leg roundhouse kick.

00:21:44.000 His was more Thai style.

00:21:46.000 He put a little more hip to it.

00:21:47.000 More power, I'm sure, if his landed.

00:21:49.000 But the thing about the Taekwondo one was you slide in on it.

00:21:53.000 And as you slide in on it, it's very effective.

00:21:55.000 Very quick technique.

00:21:56.000 And like the spinning back kick, I mean, because of a few guys, you know, because of Dennis Seaver, he's got a wicked one.

00:22:04.000 You know, a few guys throw it and are really good at the Charles McCarthy knockout. 0.92

00:22:10.000 Shit, I'm blanking on his name. 0.98

00:22:14.000 I can't believe I can't remember his name. 0.99

00:22:16.000 No, I'm stuck too.

00:22:19.000 If you want to see the best turning back kick, Mike Bernardo.

00:22:22.000 Mike Bernardo?

00:22:22.000 No, sorry, Andy Hug.

00:22:23.000 When he knocked out Mike Bernardo in the Grand Prix Final.

00:22:26.000 Well, Andy Hug had a lot of crazy techniques.

00:22:28.000 Dude, that was to the thigh.

00:22:29.000 And nobody had ever seen a turning back kick to the thigh before.

00:22:32.000 And it was brilliant.

00:22:33.000 YouTube, Andy Hug versus Mike Bernardo.

00:22:35.000 You'll find it there.

00:22:35.000 K1 Grand Prix, you know, final.

00:22:38.000 And...

00:22:39.000 A fight that nobody...

00:22:40.000 A man that nobody thought could get to the top of the sport because Andy Hug was a big-time Kyokushin legend, Sato Kaikan world champion, and, you know, entered K1 as the smallest fighter ever, pretty much, and one of the lightest fighters ever.

00:22:53.000 Couldn't box to save his life at the start because, like Taekwondo, Kyokushin never allows face punches in any of their competitions.

00:23:00.000 And taught himself how to box and persistence and became the biggest superstar in K1 history.

00:23:06.000 And there's a...

00:23:07.000 There's a bit of controversy behind him because he got really big.

00:23:11.000 He got really physically big.

00:23:13.000 And a lot of people are going, okay, like, what's that guy doing? 0.94

00:23:16.000 Like, that guy just gained a fuckload of weight.

00:23:19.000 There was always a lot of controversy.

00:23:20.000 It also surrounded Andy's death as well, that the leukemia came on so quickly and so suddenly there's always that sort of little background rumor, well, was it because he was on something, you know, that therefore sped up his process?

00:23:31.000 You gotta wonder, man, you know, when you're in such a dangerous environment like K1, you know, K1 is, if you've never seen it, I'm a fucking huge fan of it.

00:23:40.000 I mean, it really is almost more gladiatorial than MMA in a way, because these guys have to fight multiple times a night.

00:23:47.000 That's one of the few places where they still do it.

00:23:49.000 Three fights in one night.

00:23:50.000 To win the Grand Prix, you have to fight, and you've got to fight three Semi Schiltz, three Badr Hari, three Remy Bonjaskis, three Gokan Saki's. 1.00

00:23:59.000 Fuck! 1.00

00:24:00.000 Man, it's crazy. 1.00

00:24:01.000 It's insane.

00:24:01.000 That guy's on the up, man.

00:24:03.000 Gokan Saki's on the up. 0.99

00:24:04.000 He is crazy.

00:24:05.000 If you want to talk, if you go, look, Gokan Saki, look, and Daniel Gita, he's another one. 1.00

00:24:11.000 Daniel Gita with those fucking leg kicks. 1.00

00:24:13.000 Man. 1.00

00:24:13.000 I did this little video clip with him in Japan a couple of years ago and I said to him at the end of the clip, you know, throw a leg kick to my leg. 1.00

00:24:19.000 And I go, Daniel, just like really, really light.

00:24:21.000 Daniel's a great guy.

00:24:22.000 One of the nicest guys. 0.99

00:24:23.000 Just threw this tip-tap leg kick on me, but I'm like, shit, it hurt for the next three days, man. 0.90

00:24:28.000 You know, half the reason I didn't want to take that Bata Hari one over in Holland when I did the voice versus Bata Hari. 0.96

00:24:32.000 You know, a lot of people ask me about that.

00:24:34.000 I'm like, well, I was going to take a leg kick off Bata.

00:24:36.000 And, dude, his eyes, Joe, his eyes, when he lines up a kick, there's a...

00:24:42.000 They change like he becomes possessed.

00:24:44.000 His eyes turn shark-like black. 0.99

00:24:47.000 And I genuinely shit myself. 0.99

00:24:49.000 So I'm standing there, standing in front of Bata. 0.98

00:24:52.000 And Bata goes to me, Mikey, have you got insurance?

00:24:54.000 And I'm like, yeah, whatever, man.

00:24:55.000 He goes, no, no, no.

00:24:56.000 Have you got insurance?

00:24:57.000 And then Bata's coach, Mike from Mike's Gym, is like, yeah, do you have insurance?

00:25:01.000 And they all start talking Dutch to each other with these, like, concerned looks for me. 0.99

00:25:05.000 I'm saying to my producer, Daryl, what the fuck's What's going on? 0.99

00:25:08.000 What are these guys talking about? 0.99

00:25:10.000 You know?

00:25:10.000 And Melvin sort of just gives me this look as if to say, don't do it.

00:25:14.000 Don't take the leg kick.

00:25:15.000 Melvin Manhoof?

00:25:16.000 Manhoof, yeah.

00:25:17.000 Listen, man. 0.99

00:25:17.000 When Melvin Manhoof is telling you it's dangerous, a dude who goes into the cage with a dog collar on, a guy who looks like a goddamn superhero in a comic book. 0.99

00:25:28.000 And I put the pad there and I was ready and then I just shit myself. 0.99

00:25:31.000 Gave it to Mike Passanier and I said, hell, you take the kick. 0.99

00:25:34.000 And you can hear the thud, you know, when you watch the show.

00:25:36.000 But...

00:25:37.000 Dude, that man, Barahari is intense.

00:25:39.000 I love the guy.

00:25:40.000 He's my favorite fighter. 1.00

00:25:41.000 That motherfucker is scary, man. 1.00

00:25:43.000 His eyes just go black. 1.00

00:25:45.000 Just no emotion in there.

00:25:47.000 Yeah, Barahari is no joke.

00:25:49.000 He's a terrifying guy.

00:25:51.000 He's one of the all-time highest level guys to ever come out of Holland as well.

00:25:56.000 Scary.

00:25:57.000 Scary skill set.

00:25:59.000 You know, the power that he throws to knock people out.

00:26:02.000 You see his knockout of, like, Ruslan Karayev, where he puts the nose in that slow motion, like, through the head. 0.95

00:26:08.000 Crazy.

00:26:08.000 Well, we were talking about this before, that he does a lot of stuff that they tell you not to do.

00:26:12.000 Like, he swings full power with every shot sometimes, and he leaves himself open because of that.

00:26:16.000 But it's like, it's that Mike's Gym do-or-die style, too.

00:26:20.000 Yeah.

00:26:20.000 I mean, Mike hypes these guys up.

00:26:22.000 I'm still not sure exactly what Mike says to those guys, but if you ever watch a Melvin entrance or a Bartahari entrance, you see Mike just absolutely skits out of the guy when they're at the top of the catwalk.

00:26:32.000 And for some reason, he zones them, gets them in the zone. 0.97

00:26:35.000 It fucking works, man. 0.99

00:26:36.000 It's nuts. 0.99

00:26:38.000 He's one of the best at doing that, about hyping guys up.

00:26:42.000 I mean, you can tell those guys believe in him, man.

00:26:44.000 That guy's a badass coach.

00:26:46.000 Bro, you still got to go to Holland, by the way.

00:26:47.000 I do.

00:26:47.000 I do have to go to Holland.

00:26:48.000 You still got to go to Holland.

00:26:49.000 I want to go.

00:26:49.000 Come with me one day, man.

00:26:50.000 It's a great place.

00:26:51.000 With all the traveling I do with the UFC and with comedy, it's hard, man.

00:26:55.000 It's hard to schedule some other time.

00:26:57.000 I'm just hoping that eventually there'll be a UFC in Holland.

00:27:00.000 I mean, I think there's some laws against it right now, which is outrageous when you consider their great history in kickboxing that we talked about. 0.99

00:27:08.000 Holland, politicians, don't be stupid. 0.99

00:27:10.000 You can make a lot of money, and the world needs to see it. 1.00

00:27:13.000 You guys are the birth of...

00:27:15.000 The greatest form of kickboxing that the world has ever known, in my opinion.

00:27:20.000 I mean, I love the Thais, and the Thais created Muay Thai, but I believe that the Dutch took it to the next level.

00:27:26.000 They took it to another level.

00:27:27.000 You know, guys like Rob Kamen, he took it to another level.

00:27:31.000 Ivan Hippelard, Gilbert Ballentine, the pioneers that went to Thailand and fought and brought this stuff back over to Holland, and then took it from there. 0.99

00:27:38.000 And when you watch Ramon fight, Ramon Decker's fight, and we fought in Thailand, he was doing some shit. 0.95

00:27:43.000 His hands, you know, that's what the Dutch did. 1.00

00:27:47.000 They added much superior hand techniques.

00:27:49.000 Well, this is the thing with the Thais. 0.99

00:27:50.000 The Thais always, and still to this day, start very slowly. 1.00

00:27:52.000 The reason being that in Thailand, they bet on the fights.

00:27:55.000 So even while the fight starts, they're still taking bets.

00:27:58.000 So traditionally what the Thais would do would be to start very slowly and let the bets come in and not turn on the pace until the third round.

00:28:05.000 And still what they do to this day.

00:28:06.000 So still, when you find most Westerners fighting a Thai, particularly in Thailand, I always think the best thing to do is just go for their jawline. 0.99

00:28:13.000 Straight away, bull rush them, go hell for leather on the Thai's jaw. 1.00

00:28:16.000 Because usually he's going to start very slow. 0.95

00:28:19.000 He's going to sit back with that style, set his pace to the music.

00:28:22.000 And you know, that music picks up in intensity as every round goes on for.

00:28:26.000 For those that don't know, Muay Thai, traditional Muay Thai, is always accompanied by music.

00:28:30.000 And usually in Thailand, it's a live band ringside.

00:28:33.000 They have an oboe.

00:28:34.000 They have the little cymbals. 1.00

00:28:36.000 They have like a fucking thing that looks like a guitar. 1.00

00:28:39.000 And they play the music... 1.00

00:28:42.000 It's like a metronome.

00:28:43.000 So they set their time to it.

00:28:44.000 And as the rounds go on, the music gets quicker and quicker and quicker.

00:28:48.000 If you've watched Kickboxer, you know, the movie, you'll see it on there, the music in the background.

00:28:52.000 And, you know, the Thais always traditionally start very, very slowly. 1.00

00:28:56.000 First two rounds can be an absolute fucking cure for insomnia when you're watching Muay Thai, if you don't know what you're watching. 1.00

00:29:02.000 In the third round, though, these fuckers just turn it up. 1.00

00:29:04.000 And they start slamming those leg kicks. 0.99

00:29:06.000 And they're not big combination fighters.

00:29:08.000 You know, they just measure with these leg kicks and boom!

00:29:11.000 Just chop down with the...

00:29:12.000 You know, this arm goes back.

00:29:14.000 Which was also one of the big undoings of the ties, too.

00:29:16.000 Because the ties always did the chop kicks. 0.86

00:29:18.000 But they throw the kick so hard...

00:29:20.000 Instead of leaving their hand up here, they chop down because they knew that there was not much chance than an opponent because boxing is like the lowest scored technique in Muay Thai.

00:29:29.000 They just don't consider boxing very high at all.

00:29:31.000 So they don't work on it as much as they do their kicks and their knees and their elbows.

00:29:34.000 So the Thais would traditionally chop their hand down to kick with more power and a lot of Westerners used to be able to hook them and be able to pick them off because this hand had come down. 0.94

00:29:43.000 Nothing to cover the side of the face.

00:29:45.000 Whereas now a lot of Western kickboxes you see, and particularly a lot of the Dutch, they'll throw their kick but still manage to keep the forearm up to predict the face. 1.00

00:29:52.000 So they go with less power and they go with something that they could land and have a better defense.

00:29:57.000 Exactly.

00:29:57.000 And you've seen someone like Abada Hari that when an opponent throws a chopping kick and chop with their hands, Abada's got that reach to be able to just go up the center, straight right across, and just knock guys out.

00:30:07.000 Reach is a huge advantage, man.

00:30:09.000 People don't realize.

00:30:10.000 When you see a guy like Jon Jones fighting, Jon Jones has got like...

00:30:13.000 Man, what a monster advantage that is.

00:30:16.000 How do you get inside that?

00:30:17.000 I mean, you watch Vitaly Klitschko box. 0.98

00:30:19.000 How the fuck do you get inside that jab? 0.85

00:30:21.000 This is why when he fought David Hay, and I was watching it with a mate back home who's British, and he bit on David Hay, and he's like, nah, Hay's going to be too fast and too slick. 0.99

00:30:29.000 And I said to him, bro, there's no way Hay fucking gets inside that jab to land anything of consequence on Klitschko.

00:30:36.000 As long as Klitschko's in shape, and as long as he's in good condition and motivated and has no knee problems so he can move well... 0.94

00:30:42.000 Your odds are very slim.

00:30:43.000 You've got to run in and get that chin really quick.

00:30:45.000 Good luck.

00:30:46.000 You know, Alistair Overeem recently saying he'd want to box the Klitschko brothers. 0.98

00:30:50.000 I'm like, are you fucking serious? 0.93

00:30:51.000 I love Alistair, man. 0.98

00:30:53.000 One of my favorite fighters.

00:30:54.000 But he is getting owned in a boxing fight against Vitaly Klitschko.

00:30:58.000 Owned.

00:30:58.000 Well, both of them.

00:30:59.000 Vladimir as well.

00:31:00.000 Vladimir is the more technical boxer.

00:31:02.000 Just Vitaly is thought to be the tougher guy, right?

00:31:05.000 Vlad used to be a decent kickboxer back in the day.

00:31:07.000 Yeah, was he?

00:31:08.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

00:31:08.000 They're both assassins, and they're both fucking like doctors. 1.00

00:31:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:31:12.000 Right? 1.00

00:31:12.000 They're both brilliant men, highly educated. 1.00

00:31:15.000 They speak like five different languages.

00:31:16.000 Eloquent, yeah.

00:31:16.000 They live in Germany.

00:31:18.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:31:18.000 They're fucking, they're scores for like, how many people watch their shows? 1.00

00:31:23.000 Just fucking insane. 1.00

00:31:24.000 Insane. 0.99

00:31:25.000 The ratings for their fights in Germany can't be believed.

00:31:28.000 Like, there's no reason for them to ever even consider fighting in America. 0.98

00:31:31.000 They get seen by like 19 million fucking people over there. 0.99

00:31:34.000 And that's who the Europeans like. 0.99

00:31:36.000 An eloquent technical fighter like that pulls in the audiences.

00:31:38.000 Going back to Andy Hug, we were talking about before.

00:31:41.000 When Andy used to fight and his fights were broadcast on Swiss TV Live, it would outrate the tennis matches of Martina Hingis and outrate the Swiss national soccer team.

00:31:52.000 I mean, just fucking extraordinary figures that they used to do.

00:31:55.000 And Andy, like the Klitschkos, was well-spoken, clean-cut, highly educated, could speak three or four languages, and there was nothing to dislike about the guy.

00:32:04.000 I never got to meet him, but I did get to interview him over the phone probably about two years before he died.

00:32:10.000 And just talking to him, he was just...

00:32:12.000 Just eloquent.

00:32:13.000 Just tell a story without a flinch, without an um and an uh.

00:32:17.000 It was just tremendous.

00:32:18.000 How old was Andy Hoog when he died?

00:32:19.000 He was pretty young, right?

00:32:20.000 He was young.

00:32:21.000 He was maybe mid-30s when he died.

00:32:24.000 He wasn't a very big guy either, was he?

00:32:25.000 No, just barely six foot.

00:32:27.000 Andy was barely six foot.

00:32:28.000 Couldn't box.

00:32:29.000 When he was fighting in K-1, he had to fight at heavyweight, right?

00:32:33.000 Correct.

00:32:33.000 There was only one weight class.

00:32:34.000 Only one weight class.

00:32:35.000 Open weight.

00:32:35.000 So he was fighting guys that were bigger than him.

00:32:37.000 You know, Bernardo weighed a lot more than him.

00:32:39.000 When he first started kickboxing, what was his weight before he went into K1? No, he was very lean when he started.

00:32:44.000 He was like 160-something, right? 0.51

00:32:45.000 Yeah, I've seen some old photos of Andy, if you've seen his cock-a-shingi and that, very, very lean. 1.00

00:32:49.000 And then just, you know, put on the size in K1, however he did it, he did it.

00:32:53.000 And, you know, learnt how to box, which was a major undoing, because especially back in those days, you're talking 93, 94, 95, 96, a lot of...

00:33:03.000 Traditional karate guys weren't cross-training in boxing like they do these days.

00:33:06.000 Now, Andy came from strictly a full-contact karate background, which, as we said, no face punching.

00:33:11.000 But also, which is why we said why he had such great kicks.

00:33:14.000 Yeah.

00:33:14.000 Because dudes couldn't punch you to the face.

00:33:16.000 You could get really flashy with your techniques.

00:33:18.000 And Andy's main kick was the axe kick. 0.81

00:33:20.000 Yeah.

00:33:20.000 And the axe kick is extraordinary.

00:33:21.000 If you guys who are listening haven't seen it, you know, it's called the axe kick because it comes down and you're like an axe.

00:33:27.000 The heel's brought down onto the collarbone or can be brought down onto the forehead and you wind the leg...

00:33:32.000 Why up over the opponent?

00:33:33.000 And then down it comes.

00:33:35.000 One of the most brutal knockouts I ever saw in Taekwondo was this guy, Herb Perez, who went on to win the Olympic gold medal.

00:33:41.000 And this was at one of the national championships.

00:33:43.000 I believe it was in Ohio back when I was a kid.

00:33:45.000 I was just starting to compete on the national level, and he was the champion. 0.99

00:33:49.000 And he axe-kicked this fucking dude. 0.98

00:33:52.000 I forget the dude's name, but he was this big, solid African dude. 0.99

00:33:56.000 The guy was just like a Czech-Congo-looking character, just...

00:33:59.000 I wish I remembered his name, because he was a badass guy as well.

00:34:01.000 Also won the title at one point in time. 0.99

00:34:03.000 But he hit him with this fucking axe kick that was so fast. 0.99

00:34:08.000 Just, bam! 1.00

00:34:10.000 Slammed the heel into his face.

00:34:11.000 And he was the same, man. 0.87

00:34:12.000 And face-planted it.

00:34:12.000 It was like his leg was elasticized.

00:34:14.000 The way he would get up to taller opponents.

00:34:16.000 You know, the heel is like one of the hardest bones in the body.

00:34:19.000 You know, and just, you have that coming down on your collarbone. 0.99

00:34:22.000 Like, damn. 0.99

00:34:22.000 It's just got to be so unpredictable, you know? 0.99

00:34:25.000 And it can be fast, because the trajectory for an execute to travel is a lot of time for a quick opponent to be able to capitalize on.

00:34:31.000 Herb Perez was one of those guys that actually thought about getting into MMA, and I think if anybody from the Taekwondo world would have been good at MMA, it probably would have been him, because I got to see him compete a bunch of times.

00:34:41.000 He actually knocked out one of my friends.

00:34:44.000 He would knock out a lot of guys, and he would punch a lot of guys, too.

00:34:47.000 He had a different style, this different real attacking power style of Taekwondo. 0.67

00:34:53.000 If he learned real boxing and learned how to sprawl, he would fuck a lot of guys up, because the speed of his legs, guys wouldn't have been able to handle those kicks coming at their face. 0.84

00:35:03.000 They wouldn't know it could get there that quick. 0.97

00:35:05.000 A lot of it is a timing thing. 0.97

00:35:08.000 It's just whether or not a guy like that, those high-level Taekwondo guys, if they want to spend the time And learn all that other shit. 0.95

00:35:14.000 And become an amateur.

00:35:15.000 You know, when you get into Jiu Jitsu, I don't care if you're an Olympic gold medalist in Taekwondo.

00:35:20.000 You start as a white belt, man. 0.97

00:35:21.000 Some purple belt mounts you and starts choking the fuck out of you every Tuesday. 1.00

00:35:24.000 And he keeps going to do you any good. 0.99

00:35:25.000 And he goes looking for you.

00:35:27.000 You think of yourself as this badass.

00:35:28.000 You go to the gym and the purple goes, my friend, you want to play?

00:35:30.000 You want to play? 0.99

00:35:31.000 Because he wants to choke the fuck out of you like he always does. 1.00

00:35:35.000 That's some humbling shit, and a lot of those guys are not willing. 0.99

00:35:38.000 Which I think is really, really unfortunate because what made a guy like a Herb Perez, not to use him as an example, but... 0.98

00:35:43.000 When I was a kid, he was one of my favorite Taekwondo guys to watch.

00:35:46.000 He was like an idol.

00:35:47.000 So I bring him up.

00:35:48.000 But what made him so great is that he figured out how to follow through to the highest level of a particular martial art.

00:35:57.000 But the goal is always to be an effective fighter. 0.99

00:36:00.000 You can say that it's all to compete inside the Taekwondo rule frame, but man, at the root of it, you want to kick some dude's ass. 0.99

00:36:07.000 And it's hard to accept that you're kicking a guy's ass only because he's not allowed to take you down. 0.99

00:36:13.000 Because if he was allowed to take you down, well, then he could just fucking do that all day. 1.00

00:36:17.000 And then your kicks are useless. 0.99

00:36:18.000 So it's like there's a certain aspect of it that a lot of those guys didn't want to accept.

00:36:24.000 They want to still think that they're this assassin.

00:36:27.000 When they are, as long as the rules are very specific.

00:36:31.000 And that's the thing.

00:36:31.000 For seven and a half years, I edited the Australian equivalent of Black Belt Magazine called Blitz Magazine.

00:36:37.000 And, you know, writing about all the different martial arts and the traditional arts and we do sequence frames, you know, to show defenses against knife attacks and defenses against boxing and all this sort of stuff.

00:36:47.000 And you look back at it now after the, you know, the propagation of mixed martial arts and the popularity of mixed martial arts that exposed so many of the myths.

00:36:55.000 And I flick back through some of the old magazines. 0.99

00:36:57.000 I'm like, what the fuck, man? 1.00

00:36:58.000 This shit just would not work. 1.00

00:37:00.000 Guys coming out with a knife and you're going to... 1.00

00:37:01.000 Or guys coming out with a club, you're going to do like a fucking X defense and then, you know, spinning hook to the guy. 0.98

00:37:06.000 It's like... 0.98

00:37:07.000 Come on, man. 1.00

00:37:08.000 Yeah, there was some ridiculous shit going on. 0.99

00:37:10.000 And a lot of the guys that would believe that shit so much, and this was one of the things that absolutely put me off working for the magazine towards the end, was hating having to write about instructors and how humble they were, and that they had no ego whatsoever. 0.99

00:37:26.000 And these are the same guys that are ringing you up saying, I want to be on the front cover of the magazine. 0.99

00:37:29.000 I want a poster of myself inside.

00:37:31.000 I want to buy five pages of advertising.

00:37:33.000 I want to check the story out and make sure the write-up's good.

00:37:35.000 But then you've got to write out humble.

00:37:37.000 They're appreciative.

00:37:38.000 They are bowing and doing it for very little money.

00:37:42.000 It's just sort of gave me a very bad taste for some traditional martial artists that believe a lot of their own hype.

00:37:47.000 That said, though, I'm a big fan of traditional martial arts because I love the aesthetics of it as well.

00:37:51.000 Well, traditional martial arts are much like any sort of school of philosophy where one person knows more than you and they're going to teach you.

00:37:59.000 You're going to get two different types.

00:38:00.000 You're going to get true masters.

00:38:02.000 And by true masters, I just mean someone who really, truly is a person who has some knowledge and they want to bestow it.

00:38:07.000 And that's the life they're living.

00:38:09.000 That's the way they're living. 0.73

00:38:10.000 And you're going to get some charlatans.

00:38:12.000 You're going to get a lot of people just like cult leaders.

00:38:15.000 You know, there are people out there that I believe that are legitimate spiritual leaders.

00:38:18.000 And by what they are, is they're a person that's on a road and they're further ahead than you.

00:38:22.000 You know, if the guy's been living at a Buddhist monastery, you know, eating a very raw vegan diet and meditating all day for 10 years, that's an experience that very, very few people have ever attempted.

00:38:34.000 And if you hung out with that guy or talked to him, I guarantee you can pick something up from him.

00:38:38.000 By that same token, there's a lot of charlatan cult leaders in martial arts, and there are so many of them out there that have- More than not.

00:38:43.000 More than not, exactly.

00:38:44.000 And the way that the students look up to these guys and put them on a pedestal, it's like they're messiahs, almost.

00:38:51.000 And it's a shame to see a lot of instructors take advantage of that just for monetary gain.

00:38:55.000 And there's so many of them out there.

00:38:57.000 Yeah.

00:38:58.000 You know, I've seen instructors around the world and several stories of instructors who have taken advantage of students, you know, for sexual purposes and stuff like that, just because the control, the seeming mind control they have that they implement in those students, it's cultish.

00:39:14.000 It's crazy, man.

00:39:15.000 It's really common.

00:39:16.000 Yeah.

00:39:16.000 It's really common, like, if you look up, like, scandals, and there's always things happening in karate schools.

00:39:22.000 Yeah.

00:39:22.000 Ultimate power corrupts ultimately, or absolutely, or whatever.

00:39:26.000 It is like being in a cult.

00:39:29.000 When you have everybody going, yes, sir! 1.00

00:39:30.000 You can become some asshole and really believe that shit. 1.00

00:39:34.000 That's the thing that I least liked about Taekwondo when I was a child. 1.00

00:39:38.000 But, in all fairness...

00:39:41.000 That intense, you know, yes sir, no sir, that is what I needed.

00:39:45.000 It disciplines you, man.

00:39:46.000 I mean, when I have kids, I love to get my kids into traditional martial arts, just for that discipline.

00:39:51.000 That rigorous discipline.

00:39:53.000 There's levels of respect.

00:39:55.000 Like, my taekwondo school that I, I mean, I literally spent my entire life from age 15 until I started doing stand-up comedy.

00:40:02.000 That's all I did was fight.

00:40:04.000 All I did was Taekwondo and kickboxing and Muay Thai towards the end.

00:40:08.000 Muay Thai and kickboxing when I was 22. My last fights were kickboxing.

00:40:12.000 But my whole life was all this Taekwondo shit. 0.99

00:40:15.000 And I would go from this world of very little order, you know, which my life was, to all of a sudden, you know, some guy's fucking screaming at you and, you know, say, yes, sir! 0.98

00:40:25.000 This whole bowing and this respect thing and then actually becoming a black belt, all of that to me, it forced me into thinking at a higher level. 0.74

00:40:37.000 It forced me into composing myself, presenting myself on a higher level that I had a higher calling to answer to.

00:40:46.000 The funny thing back then as well, I remember talking to you about this when we did The Voice Versus, you know, it was the black belt.

00:40:55.000 How much people thought of black belts back then?

00:40:58.000 I remember, and I told you this story when I was 12 years old.

00:41:01.000 I remember at high school, a kid came up to me and we were talking about karate and being a black belt. 0.85

00:41:06.000 And he's like, yeah, you know, here in Australia, you're not allowed to be any more than a fifth damn black belt or you're considered a lethal weapon. 0.94

00:41:13.000 You've got to leave the country. 0.96

00:41:14.000 I was like, what? 1.00

00:41:15.000 You believed that shit back then? 1.00

00:41:16.000 Well, I was in a plane with Boss Rutten, and we're getting on board, and the woman goes, where do I know that guy from? 1.00

00:41:23.000 I go, that's Boss Rutten.

00:41:24.000 I go, he's a former UFC heavyweight champion, one of the greatest martial artists ever.

00:41:28.000 He's a legend.

00:41:29.000 And she goes, oh, well, my boyfriend is big into that martial arts.

00:41:33.000 I go, yeah?

00:41:34.000 And she goes, yeah, yeah.

00:41:35.000 He actually had to get his hands registered.

00:41:38.000 She actually said this, right? 1.00

00:41:40.000 So I go over, I'm a fucking asshole, of course. 1.00

00:41:42.000 I have to go over and I go, boss, that woman over there, He said that her boyfriend's a big fan of mixed martial arts, and he's such a bad motherfucker, he had to get his hands registered. 1.00

00:41:52.000 And of course, you know Boss Root, it's like, this is not true. 0.98

00:41:54.000 This is not true.

00:41:55.000 Don't do that.

00:41:56.000 Don't do that.

00:41:57.000 Who tells you this? 1.00

00:41:58.000 He's a liar. 1.00

00:41:58.000 He's just lies. 1.00

00:42:01.000 You do that so well. 1.00

00:42:02.000 He was pretty polite about it, but man, he couldn't stop doing this fucking guy. 0.99

00:42:06.000 Come on. 0.99

00:42:07.000 He just does his hands.

00:42:08.000 Come on.

00:42:08.000 You know, he's...

00:42:09.000 I mean, Bas Rutten is a killer, man. 1.00

00:42:12.000 And, you know, you ignite that spark inside of him with some bullshit. 1.00

00:42:16.000 And, you know, especially a guy who's dedicated his entire life to fighting. 0.99

00:42:20.000 You can't do that to Bas Rutten.

00:42:21.000 There's some trippers out there, man. 1.00

00:42:23.000 Some crazy people. 0.92

00:42:24.000 Even people that are getting, like, awarded these Dans.

00:42:26.000 There was a guy in Australia, and, you know, he was like 45, 46 years old and was a 10th Dan in ninjutsu. 0.98

00:42:33.000 A 10th Dan fucking ninja. 0.98

00:42:35.000 Right. 1.00

00:42:35.000 You know, he'd wear all the shit, the fucking... 1.00

00:42:37.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:42:38.000 Fucking shit that they wear with shurikens and all that sort of stuff. 1.00

00:42:41.000 It's like a 10th Dan. 1.00

00:42:42.000 You're a 45-year-old 10th Dan white ninja. 0.67

00:42:45.000 In ninjutsu. 0.67

00:42:46.000 In ninjutsu. 1.00

00:42:47.000 I mean, who the fuck is... 0.99

00:42:48.000 I mean, is there a real school of ninjutsu? 0.99

00:42:51.000 I mean, can you really directly study ninjutsu?

00:42:54.000 Because wasn't being a ninja being an assassin?

00:42:56.000 It was a secretive, too. 1.00

00:42:57.000 Yeah, there's not some shit they just tell white people. 1.00

00:43:00.000 You know, what the fuck is that when you actually learn it? 1.00

00:43:02.000 You wear the fucking clothes and the shuriken and the fucking katana and all the rest of the shit. 1.00

00:43:08.000 That's amazing, man. 1.00

00:43:10.000 I wonder if ninjutsu has kata.

00:43:12.000 Poomsi.

00:43:12.000 There was one guy that I was absolutely fascinated.

00:43:15.000 This is before, when I was younger, I hadn't developed my current strategy of using people as science projects.

00:43:22.000 There's some people that I'll decide, well, this guy's my science project.

00:43:26.000 Like, what's this guy doing?

00:43:27.000 I'm gonna study him every couple years.

00:43:30.000 And tune in to him and see what's going on.

00:43:32.000 I didn't realize I was already doing that with this guy.

00:43:33.000 But there was this one guy who was a ninja master, and he was in all these magazines, these black belt magazines.

00:43:38.000 And this guy was completely crazy.

00:43:41.000 This guy was drinking miso soup in the morning and, you know, eating traditional Japanese food all day and then doing his ninja training.

00:43:47.000 And, like, he would have all these articles, like, what would a ninja do if...

00:43:53.000 A guy comes at you with a stick. 1.00

00:43:55.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

00:43:55.000 You can't fuck with a ninja with a stick. 1.00

00:43:57.000 Dude, that's it. 1.00

00:43:58.000 Michael Dudikoff was a fucking bomb. 1.00

00:43:59.000 He was an American ninja back in the 80s, man. 1.00

00:44:01.000 I met that guy, too.

00:44:02.000 He was very nice.

00:44:03.000 Dudikoff?

00:44:03.000 Oh, man.

00:44:04.000 That was fucking awesome. 0.98

00:44:05.000 You know, the last time I did your show, I did the voice verses, and you and I sat, and we talked about black dudes doing kung fu in the park. 0.98

00:44:12.000 Yo, dude.

00:44:13.000 A lot of black dudes doing kung fu in the park got very mad at me.

00:44:16.000 Really? 0.74

00:44:16.000 Yeah. 0.74

00:44:17.000 You know, because I was making fun of like, what they do is, not saying that hitting someone using Kung Fu techniques wouldn't be effective.

00:44:24.000 Of course it'd be effective.

00:44:26.000 What we're saying is, this method of training that these guys employ in the park is basically a really antiquated old way of developing techniques for martial arts. 0.99

00:44:37.000 And what it is, is one guy pretends to hit you, and then you pretend, you get out of the way, and then hit him with a bunch of other shit. 0.95

00:44:43.000 But that stuff doesn't really work. 0.98

00:44:44.000 Because when someone comes in to hit you, they don't just come in to hit you like that.

00:44:48.000 They want to...

00:44:48.000 They figure you out.

00:44:49.000 They move.

00:44:50.000 They faint you.

00:44:52.000 I don't understand about that.

00:44:53.000 I don't want to rag him.

00:44:54.000 My point is, it's not effective to train that way.

00:44:58.000 It's not effective to you step forward.

00:45:00.000 The guy throws a bunch of, you know, so the guy's like, yeah, Joe Rogan, how you gonna say that? 0.99

00:45:04.000 I'll hit you with a monkey fist in your face and your eyes watering. 0.99

00:45:07.000 You tell me that ain't gonna hurt? 1.00

00:45:08.000 No, it most certainly will hurt.

00:45:11.000 Please don't hit me with a monkey paw to the face.

00:45:13.000 That's not what I'm saying.

00:45:15.000 When I make fun of your training, I'm saying that's not the way to do it anymore. 0.87

00:45:18.000 It's silly.

00:45:19.000 This is about the fight. 0.80

00:45:21.000 What you do is a sport. 1.00

00:45:23.000 Shut the fuck up, stupid. 1.00

00:45:24.000 Listen to me. 1.00

00:45:25.000 The stuff that works on trained killers is the best stuff. 0.98

00:45:28.000 And any of you crazy kung fu guys that still think you can hang in MMA, get in there with just kung fu training and the high level guys are going to take you down and they're going to choke the fuck out of you and they're going to leg kick you and they're going to blast you. 0.96

00:45:39.000 That's just the way it is. 0.96

00:45:40.000 You have to train in mixed martial arts.

00:45:42.000 To be able to compete with those guys because it's the best style of fighting.

00:45:47.000 And that's exactly right.

00:45:47.000 That's what I was going to say.

00:45:48.000 I mean, you look at something like Wing Chun or Wing Chun trapping hands.

00:45:51.000 You know, sticky hands.

00:45:52.000 There's a few things about that that are effective. 0.99

00:45:54.000 Shit can be used in self-defense and effective if you're in close range. 0.99

00:45:56.000 But if you're going to rely on just that shit during a mixed martial arts fight and try sticky hands against Anderson Silva. 1.00

00:46:01.000 True. 1.00

00:46:02.000 True. 0.99

00:46:02.000 But, you know, if you're in a fucking room where you're getting your coat and some guy's drunk. 0.99

00:46:07.000 For sure, you can use sticky hands to then set up something else. 0.99

00:46:09.000 Oh, dude, there's guys. 0.99

00:46:10.000 There's some of those guys that can fuck up. 1.00

00:46:12.000 You can do those chain fists to your face. 1.00

00:46:14.000 That shit's real. 1.00

00:46:15.000 And this is where Bruce Lee was the innovator yet again because Bruce Lee started in Wing Chun, which, by the way, was developed by a nun. 1.00

00:46:21.000 Wing Chun actually was invented by a chick.

00:46:24.000 Yeah?

00:46:24.000 Yeah.

00:46:25.000 Really?

00:46:25.000 Wing Chun was invented by a nun.

00:46:27.000 Oh, you told me this before.

00:46:29.000 Explain this, though.

00:46:30.000 I don't know the full history.

00:46:31.000 I just know that a woman, a chick, invented Wing Chun. 0.99

00:46:34.000 And then, of course, most of the great masters of it were men.

00:46:37.000 Yip Man was Bruce Lee's teacher, of course. 1.00

00:46:39.000 I bet she probably got tired of dudes trying to fuck her. 1.00

00:46:42.000 I'm staying virgin! 0.99

00:46:44.000 Yeah, if you're a chick and your whole style of fighting is based on staying in one line, I mean, that's obviously a chick that did not want to spread her legs in any way. 1.00

00:46:53.000 She's backed up against the wall.

00:46:54.000 Very few techniques with the kicks.

00:46:56.000 Very short little kicks to the bottom of the legs.

00:46:59.000 Short snapping techniques.

00:47:00.000 That's where Bruce Lee was smart.

00:47:01.000 You know, he then realized, okay, Wing Chun gave him his base and all the Shaolin wooden dummy stuff that they practice on, all those trapping hands, and, you know...

00:47:09.000 From there, though, he started to cross-drain. 1.00

00:47:10.000 He was the first real one to do it.

00:47:12.000 He was a genius.

00:47:13.000 He was way ahead of his time.

00:47:14.000 And people, you know, they look at Bruce Lee movies, and they're fun and everything, but if you know really about Bruce Lee, the techniques that he used in his movies, he just used because they look cool.

00:47:24.000 His fighting style of Jeet Kune Do is really very effective. 0.94

00:47:27.000 Into the Dragon, the first time that Mixed Martial Arts was on movies, right?

00:47:31.000 When he fought...

00:47:32.000 Was it...

00:47:34.000 Samo Hung was the guy who fought.

00:47:36.000 Takes him down and arm bars him.

00:47:37.000 Look at the four-ounce gloves on. 0.98

00:47:38.000 I was like, it's fucking mixed martial arts here in the 70s. 0.97

00:47:41.000 We're seeing it on the screen. 0.96

00:47:43.000 You know who started to train him in grappling, right?

00:47:45.000 Judo Jean LaBelle. 0.99

00:47:46.000 You know, I mean, he was into all this different shit. 0.96

00:47:50.000 If you don't know who Judo Jean LaBelle is, a mixed martial arts legend and just a real great guy, a real character. 0.99

00:47:56.000 But he's also like this bear of a man.

00:47:58.000 You know, he's got these giant hands.

00:48:00.000 And even in his advanced age that he is now, he's still... 0.83

00:48:04.000 He's a beast. 1.00

00:48:05.000 He's a fucking beast. 1.00

00:48:06.000 And back then, my God, back when he was a U.S. champion judo player, I mean, dude, he was a fucking beast. 0.99

00:48:15.000 So a guy like Bruce Lee, who didn't know any grappling, you know, like, well, let me show you something here, kid. 0.96

00:48:21.000 He's 135 pounds. 0.99

00:48:23.000 You get that motherfucker hoisting you through the air. 1.00

00:48:25.000 All that trapping hands is doing nothing. 1.00

00:48:27.000 Nothing at all.

00:48:27.000 He's going to hit you with the earth.

00:48:29.000 You know, judo guys are the scariest guys ever to fight if you're wearing clothes. 0.99

00:48:33.000 Because they just grab a hold of your clothes and fucking throw you through the air on your head. 0.93

00:48:36.000 The thing with judo, and a lot of people underestimate judo as well, which I think is an awesome martial art. 0.98

00:48:40.000 And like Guy Mezga said to me one day, he goes, brother, he goes, I judo throw you on the carpet, you go in a hospital. 0.99

00:48:47.000 I judo throw you on the street, you go in the fucking morgue. 0.99

00:48:50.000 For me, that summed it up perfectly. 1.00

00:48:52.000 That's judo. 0.96

00:48:53.000 That's how impressive judo can be done by a good student of it. 1.00

00:48:57.000 Shit's fucking lethal. 1.00

00:48:58.000 Any real high-level wrestling. 1.00

00:49:01.000 Judo's good, but if a guy fucking really knows how to wrestle and gets your back and suplexes you on the canvas, you're fucked. 1.00

00:49:10.000 It's anybody who can control your body and then slam you to the ground. 0.99

00:49:15.000 You know, and there's stuff that happens in the UFC fight, and the guy survives it, and the guy will be okay. 0.99

00:49:21.000 Like, a perfect example is that Randallman Fedor fight, where Randallman suplexed Fedor right out of his fucking head.

00:49:28.000 Luckily for Fedor, this is on a padded floor, and, you know, there's like give to the floor. 0.96

00:49:33.000 I don't know how givey the floor is in pride.

00:49:36.000 But the UFC has definitely got some give to it.

00:49:39.000 It's changed over the years.

00:49:40.000 Yeah, it's changed over the years.

00:49:41.000 A lot of times... 0.99

00:49:42.000 My fighter was fucked when it got from that day. 0.99

00:49:44.000 He recovered, you know? 1.00

00:49:45.000 He was fucking swinging and eventually won it. 0.99

00:49:47.000 He caught him in a Kimura shortly after. 0.99

00:49:50.000 But what I was going to say was that if that was on the concrete...

00:49:52.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:49:53.000 He was fucked. 1.00

00:49:53.000 He's dead. 1.00

00:49:54.000 Forget it. 0.99

00:49:54.000 You're hitting him with the earth. 0.99

00:49:56.000 It's like hitting him with a giant rock that weighs 300 pounds.

00:49:59.000 There's two of you flying through the air, you know, and you're slamming into this earth.

00:50:03.000 Have you ever been in a self-defense situation?

00:50:05.000 Not since I was a kid.

00:50:07.000 really not really you know once on Fear Factor some guy got in my face but it wasn't like I didn't really have to do anything I just grabbed it I got him in the tie clencher actually that's what I did to him I've only been in one it's like no it was like 16 months ago 16 months ago?

00:50:20.000 Yeah, man.

00:50:21.000 Really?

00:50:21.000 Yeah, I was out.

00:50:22.000 So, we're out and about with some friends.

00:50:25.000 We have some coffee.

00:50:27.000 We're out and about with some friends.

00:50:29.000 And, you know, Irene and I and her sister and her cousin and her brother-in-law.

00:50:33.000 And we're driving back home and I'm sort of parked at the lights.

00:50:37.000 And this guy's...

00:50:38.000 And I just got my brand new car, by the way.

00:50:40.000 And the girls were sitting in the back seat. 0.99

00:50:41.000 And it was Irene, her sister, brother-in-law, and her cousin was in the front seat with me.

00:50:45.000 And this guy's just come across the street and just gone...

00:50:48.000 On the window of the car. 0.98

00:50:49.000 The girls are fucking freaking out. 1.00

00:50:50.000 These guys just fucking smacked my window. 1.00

00:50:52.000 Right? 0.99

00:50:53.000 And I thought he'd broken something.

00:50:54.000 So I've pulled my car over.

00:50:56.000 I've gotten out.

00:50:57.000 Checked the window. 1.00

00:50:57.000 And he's there sort of like being a fucking clown. 1.00

00:51:00.000 I'm like, the fuck man? 1.00

00:51:01.000 You're fucking hitting my car. 1.00

00:51:02.000 My girlfriend in the back and her sister. 1.00

00:51:04.000 Fucking chicks in the back. 1.00

00:51:05.000 And I started to walk towards him and he ran away. 1.00

00:51:07.000 And I'm like... 1.00

00:51:08.000 Fuck this, man. 1.00

00:51:08.000 I'm going to get my apology out of this guy. 1.00

00:51:10.000 So I chased...

00:51:10.000 I was just...

00:51:11.000 I just fucking flipped out, man. 0.99

00:51:13.000 Wait a minute. 1.00

00:51:13.000 I hate fucking bullies. 1.00

00:51:14.000 You chased him for an apology? 1.00

00:51:15.000 I chased him for an apology. 0.99

00:51:16.000 I was that fucking angry. 0.98

00:51:18.000 Chased him for an apology. 0.99

00:51:19.000 Round the street.

00:51:20.000 And I found him...

00:51:21.000 And he must have been...

00:51:22.000 I don't know what drug he was on. 0.99

00:51:23.000 He's sitting in the fucking ground like this, going like this. 1.00

00:51:25.000 Back and forth rocking, right? 1.00

00:51:27.000 I'm like, dude, what the fuck? 1.00

00:51:27.000 You hit my car. 1.00

00:51:28.000 You fucking freak out my girlfriend and her sister. 1.00

00:51:31.000 Like, what the fuck is wrong with you, man? 1.00

00:51:33.000 You're wandering around the street. 1.00

00:51:34.000 You get fucking run over, you know? 0.99

00:51:36.000 You're like concerned for him. 1.00

00:51:37.000 I was concerned.

00:51:38.000 Like his mom all the time.

00:51:39.000 Right? 1.00

00:51:39.000 I'm like, dude, you get fucked up. 1.00

00:51:41.000 I'm usually like that. 1.00

00:51:41.000 If someone does something stupid, I'm like, dude, you're going to fuck yourself up and get hurt. 1.00

00:51:44.000 You can run over. 1.00

00:51:45.000 Yeah, you can run over. 1.00

00:51:46.000 He bounces up and just starts fucking throwing punches at me. 1.00

00:51:48.000 Oh, God. 1.00

00:51:49.000 And I'm like, oh, shit. 1.00

00:51:50.000 Here we go. 1.00

00:51:50.000 All right. 1.00

00:51:51.000 For those that don't know, I'd studied Muay Thai for about three and a half years back in Australia with Mark Castanini.

00:51:56.000 So the Muay Thai lessons came flooding back.

00:51:59.000 So I'm blocking his punches, blocking his punches, and I remember that Mark had taught me a technique back in the day, which is not a Muay Thai technique, but Mark is a bouncer for many, many years, and it's actually his stories that my best-selling book, Bouncer, were based on.

00:52:12.000 You had a book called Bouncer?

00:52:14.000 Yeah, I've done four books.

00:52:16.000 My first one was in 1999 called Bouncer, based on real-life nightclub bouncer stories. 0.99

00:52:20.000 No shit. 0.96

00:52:20.000 Can I get it on Amazon? 0.96

00:52:22.000 Yeah, you can get it on Amazon.

00:52:23.000 Yeah, try Amazon.

00:52:24.000 Should still be some on Amazon.

00:52:25.000 I had no idea you wrote books.

00:52:26.000 Best-seller books, man.

00:52:27.000 Oh, that's pretty badass.

00:52:28.000 Hey, Mark taught me this choke called the bouncer's choke. 0.99

00:52:31.000 We basically just shoot your hand out and wrap the fingers around the larynx and just fucking squeeze. 0.98

00:52:36.000 That's the roadhouse. 0.99

00:52:37.000 The roadhouse.

00:52:37.000 The bouncer's choke, he called it.

00:52:39.000 So I'm like fucking blocking punches. 1.00

00:52:40.000 I thought, fuck, what am I going to do? 1.00

00:52:42.000 I'm just going to fucking... 1.00

00:52:43.000 Go for the Beyonce's choke. 1.00

00:52:44.000 Shot it out and just like got him perfectly. 0.94

00:52:47.000 Start squeezing his larynx.

00:52:48.000 And as I'm squeezing him, he's like...

00:52:51.000 Choking.

00:52:52.000 I put him down on the ground and I'm on top of him, still choking him.

00:52:54.000 Right. 0.99

00:52:55.000 I'm like, you're going to fucking calm down now. 0.98

00:52:56.000 I don't want any trouble. 0.99

00:52:57.000 Just fucking calm down and I'll let you go. 1.00

00:53:00.000 All with the fucking Jedi Knight trick? 1.00

00:53:02.000 Dude, fucking around his larynx. 1.00

00:53:03.000 I'm squeezing. 1.00

00:53:04.000 I could almost feel my fingers coming together, man.

00:53:06.000 This guy's face started turning blue.

00:53:07.000 What is his defense?

00:53:08.000 Is he trying to get a hand in there?

00:53:09.000 No, no. 0.99

00:53:10.000 He's just on the ground just wondering, why the fuck aren't I breathing at the moment? 0.99

00:53:13.000 I'm on top of you. 0.98

00:53:13.000 I'm a heavy guy. 0.98

00:53:14.000 So he's not pulling your hands?

00:53:16.000 Nothing?

00:53:16.000 No defense?

00:53:17.000 Nothing at all.

00:53:17.000 Terrible technique.

00:53:18.000 Yeah, nothing at all.

00:53:19.000 I weighed a lot more than he did.

00:53:21.000 Actually, I won't say a lot more because he's a pretty decent guy, but I probably would have had 12 kilograms on him, let's say.

00:53:27.000 What did you learn from this?

00:53:29.000 There's more.

00:53:31.000 There's more.

00:53:31.000 Wait.

00:53:32.000 So, he's on the ground.

00:53:34.000 He's trying to nod.

00:53:35.000 So, I let him up. 1.00

00:53:36.000 I'm like, dude, just fuck off. 1.00

00:53:37.000 Enjoy your night. 1.00

00:53:38.000 By this time, Irene and her cousin and her brother-in-law come around the corner.

00:53:41.000 So, this guy walks off, and then I walk off to join them, and then...

00:53:45.000 I turn around and he's below a fence and he takes a punch at me and actually caught me because I wasn't expecting it.

00:53:50.000 Grazed me with like a...

00:53:52.000 I think he missed his watch or something grazed me.

00:53:54.000 I had a big graze on my forehead.

00:53:57.000 And he's walked off again.

00:53:59.000 And then for some reason he turns around and he's about...

00:54:03.000 20 feet away, just starts going, and takes a run-up for me. 0.99

00:54:07.000 Takes a fucking run-up. 1.00

00:54:09.000 And I'm like, oh shit, Irene's standing right behind me. 1.00

00:54:11.000 There's no way I want this guy to start punching me. 0.99

00:54:14.000 He's on speed, LSD, something, he's on.

00:54:16.000 So I'm just thinking...

00:54:17.000 LSD? LSD, they're giving you people in Australia.

00:54:20.000 I don't know if the fuck he was on. 0.99

00:54:22.000 Comes charging, I set myself, and then I just front-kicked him. 1.00

00:54:26.000 The rear lead just, boom, to the heart.

00:54:28.000 He's like...

00:54:29.000 Fold him in half, man.

00:54:30.000 Fold him in half.

00:54:31.000 So he ran into your front kick.

00:54:32.000 Ran in.

00:54:33.000 I was timed.

00:54:33.000 Boom!

00:54:34.000 Into his chest. 1.00

00:54:35.000 Two mates came around and helped him off and he was fucked up, man. 1.00

00:54:40.000 Wow. 0.99

00:54:40.000 Did you learn anything from this? 0.99

00:54:42.000 Probably not to chase a guy for an apology next time.

00:54:44.000 Would you really need an apology?

00:54:47.000 I was just in a weird mood, man.

00:54:48.000 I hate bullies.

00:54:49.000 I cannot stand bullies.

00:54:50.000 I understand that.

00:54:51.000 I'm not a violent person and I cannot stand bullies.

00:54:53.000 And it was just...

00:54:55.000 I think it's very important in any situation, any real live situation like that, to always throw the probabilities and possibilities into the old computer and come out with, what's worst case scenario here?

00:55:07.000 Well, worst case scenario could be pretty fucking bad. 0.95

00:55:10.000 You could die. 1.00

00:55:10.000 You could get stabbed. 1.00

00:55:12.000 You could fall and break your leg as you're chasing after him. 1.00

00:55:15.000 Then he beats you to death. 0.93

00:55:16.000 Look, it's not good. 0.94

00:55:18.000 No, it's not good.

00:55:19.000 It's not smart. 0.52

00:55:21.000 My silliest story ever is not even about martial arts.

00:55:23.000 Do you mind if I tell you a blind date story?

00:55:25.000 I would love it.

00:55:26.000 Okay.

00:55:27.000 We don't have to talk about martial arts.

00:55:29.000 I didn't even plan on it.

00:55:31.000 We just started this way.

00:55:33.000 That's what it became.

00:55:34.000 Let me tell you, I'm so happy now because Irene's like the best woman in the world.

00:55:37.000 You know, we're engaged now.

00:55:38.000 I proposed to her in Rome like a couple of weeks ago.

00:55:40.000 I'm so thrilled because some of the experiences I had with women in the past, Joe...

00:55:44.000 Seriously, let me tell you about this blind date.

00:55:45.000 I never used to go on blind dates.

00:55:47.000 And I used to work on radio on a very popular station in Melbourne called Kix FM. And because I had this nice voice that everyone thinks, I still don't think is that good, but I used to have girls ringing in the studio all the time asking me to go out with them.

00:55:59.000 You don't think your voice is good?

00:56:00.000 No, I never liked my voice.

00:56:01.000 But you call yourself The Voice.

00:56:02.000 I don't.

00:56:02.000 I was given that nickname.

00:56:03.000 But you keep it.

00:56:04.000 I keep it.

00:56:04.000 I do.

00:56:05.000 It's your Twitter name, Shiavella Voice.

00:56:07.000 Yeah, I stuck with it.

00:56:08.000 I stuck with it.

00:56:08.000 It was actually given to me by Andy Raymond on Fox Sports in Australia.

00:56:12.000 Someone was asking me about that on Twitter.

00:56:13.000 It's always good to have a nickname.

00:56:14.000 It is always good.

00:56:15.000 It works.

00:56:16.000 I'm sorry.

00:56:17.000 Go ahead.

00:56:18.000 Cool.

00:56:18.000 This is a cool story.

00:56:19.000 You're going to like this one.

00:56:20.000 It's a bit of a long story, but you'll be entertained.

00:56:22.000 So anyway, these girls used to ring the radio station every day, wanting to go out, wanting to go out, wanting to go out. 0.87

00:56:26.000 I'm like, no, no, never. 0.98

00:56:27.000 Then this one chick rang up, and her name was Elizabeth, and she had the hottest fucking voice on the phone. 1.00

00:56:31.000 Beautiful voice. 1.00

00:56:33.000 And I thought to myself, fuck, man. 1.00

00:56:34.000 I haven't been getting any action lately. 1.00

00:56:36.000 I may as well go on a blind date and just see if I can maybe... 1.00

00:56:38.000 These chicks is hot and fucking get my dick wet. 1.00

00:56:42.000 So, Elizabeth rang up and I'm like, oh yeah, okay, cool. 1.00

00:56:45.000 Maybe we'll go out.

00:56:46.000 Tell me, what do you look like?

00:56:47.000 She's like, I'm blonde and I've got a beach body and blue eyes.

00:56:51.000 I'm like, all right, cool, we're good.

00:56:54.000 Let's go out.

00:56:55.000 So, night comes to go out.

00:56:56.000 My first blind date ever. 0.99

00:56:58.000 I drive to her house, which is up in the fucking sticks in the middle of nowhere. 0.99

00:57:01.000 I'm thinking to myself, this girl better be fucking hot because I'm driving all this way. 0.98

00:57:05.000 Pull up at her house. 0.99

00:57:06.000 Park in the gravel driveway.

00:57:08.000 Front door opens. 1.00

00:57:10.000 And out walks this thing that looked like she should have been living under a fucking bridge. 1.00

00:57:17.000 If she had a beach body, it was the body of a fucking beached whale. 1.00

00:57:20.000 Blonde, greasy hair, acne on her fucking face. 1.00

00:57:23.000 She's wearing this black shawly sort of dress, just draping on her like fucking Morticia, but not thin Morticia. 1.00

00:57:29.000 This girl is like twice my size, man. 1.00

00:57:31.000 She's a fucking beast. 1.00

00:57:32.000 Cut to you naked, white as pink. 1.00

00:57:35.000 Bright fluorescent lights. 1.00

00:57:37.000 You're boning her.

00:57:38.000 Zips popping in your grip.

00:57:41.000 70s music playing.

00:57:42.000 Dude, she walked out. 1.00

00:57:43.000 I should have put the foot on the gas then and gone.

00:57:49.000 No.

00:57:50.000 She walked out and she's in barefoot walking on the gravel driveway holding stilettos in her hand. 1.00

00:57:54.000 I'm like, this fucking dirty bitch with her dirty feet is going to get in my car now. 1.00

00:57:57.000 She hops in the car and we're driving into town because I booked a sushi restaurant and a movie and then to go to a nightclub that my mate had just opened up. 1.00

00:58:05.000 Why didn't you just say, I'll be right back?

00:58:06.000 I forgot something.

00:58:07.000 I'll be right back.

00:58:08.000 And I still am so much of a gentleman that I couldn't do it, man.

00:58:11.000 I couldn't bring myself to just drive off on her.

00:58:13.000 So we're driving into town and it was raining.

00:58:15.000 And the reason I can remember it was raining is because I had the windows up.

00:58:18.000 And the reason I remember that is because I'm driving and I'm like... 0.99

00:58:23.000 Oh, this chick reeked of the worst fucking B.O. you can imagine. 1.00

00:58:28.000 Come on.

00:58:28.000 Imagine, bro, imagine going to the gym for a week and not showering.

00:58:31.000 She fucking reeked. 1.00

00:58:33.000 So I'm driving one hand on the wheel. 1.00

00:58:34.000 How many years ago was this?

00:58:35.000 This is 2000, 11 years ago. 0.99

00:58:39.000 One hand on the wheel, smelling my other hand to try and get rid of her fucking smell ponging up my car. 1.00

00:58:44.000 So getting into town, I thought, fuck the sushi restaurant. 1.00

00:58:46.000 I'm not going to spend money on sushi for this pig. 1.00

00:58:48.000 I'm going to take it to TGI Fridays, right? 0.84

00:58:51.000 So we go to TGI Fridays, and we've got a movie we're going to go see.

00:58:54.000 And I hate missing the trailer list of movies. 0.99

00:58:55.000 So I'm like, fucking Elizabeth, finish your dinner in half an hour. 1.00

00:58:58.000 Movie starts at 8.30. 0.99

00:58:59.000 We're going to go to the films.

00:59:00.000 Okay.

00:59:01.000 You think a chick's on a date, and she's trying to impress you. 0.97

00:59:03.000 She'll get a decent dinner, but nothing big. 0.99

00:59:05.000 She orders a fucking Brontosaurus burger, baby back ribs, right? 1.00

00:59:09.000 And when they brought it to her, you think this fucking pig had never seen food before? 1.00

00:59:13.000 She's like... 1.00

00:59:15.000 Scooping shit into her mouth. 1.00

00:59:16.000 And I'm just watching, bemuddled, going, what the fuck is this chick doing? 1.00

00:59:21.000 Five minutes to go before the movie starts. 0.99

00:59:23.000 I'm like, alright, Liz, you're done?

00:59:24.000 You're finished?

00:59:24.000 No, I want dessert, she says.

00:59:27.000 I'm like, alright, fuck. 1.00

00:59:28.000 So she orders dessert. 1.00

00:59:30.000 This, like, chocolate turtle thing you get at TJ is like fudge and cream and ice cream and chocolate.

00:59:35.000 She scoffs this thing like she'd never seen a dessert in her life. 0.99

00:59:38.000 And trust me, this fucking troll had seen a lot of desserts. 1.00

00:59:41.000 She finishes up... 1.00

00:59:42.000 I pay the bill. 1.00

00:59:43.000 I like it when a chick goes for her purse at least, but fucking, she didn't go for her purse. 1.00

00:59:46.000 I slammed 50 bucks on the table. 0.99

00:59:49.000 You like the gesture?

00:59:51.000 To go for the purse gesture?

00:59:52.000 I like the gesture.

00:59:53.000 The gesture I appreciate.

00:59:54.000 We got up the escalators to the movies. 0.99

00:59:56.000 She's just eating this two-course fucking dinner, right? 1.00

00:59:58.000 She grabs my arm. 1.00

00:59:59.000 She goes, I want a slushie.

01:00:01.000 I'm like, a what?

01:00:02.000 I want a slushie. 0.99

01:00:04.000 What the fuck's a slushie? 1.00

01:00:06.000 She doesn't even say it, bro. 1.00

01:00:07.000 What?

01:00:09.000 Oh my god, child.

01:00:10.000 She points to a picture of a Slurpee, we call it in Australia, and she goes, points and grunts!

01:00:16.000 So I go to the candy bar. 0.99

01:00:18.000 She gets a chop-top ice cream, a big box of fucking popcorn, and a Coke Slurpee. 0.99

01:00:25.000 Doesn't reach for her money. 1.00

01:00:26.000 I get nothing. 1.00

01:00:27.000 Alright, put 20 bucks in the fucking popcorn counter. 1.00

01:00:29.000 Sitting in the movies, watching some romantic fucking Julia Roberts film. 1.00

01:00:32.000 This bitch is smelling up the cinema. 1.00

01:00:34.000 She is dipping her ice cream into the popcorn and eating it, right? 1.00

01:00:39.000 And then slurping on this fucking slurpee... 1.00

01:00:42.000 Well, she's ponging up the cinema. 1.00

01:00:43.000 I'm texting my mate on the phone going, dude, there's no way I'm bringing this fucking pig dog to your nightclub. 1.00

01:00:49.000 I've got to get rid of her. 1.00

01:00:50.000 I'll see you another time.

01:00:51.000 So the movie finishes and she's like, oh, we're going to go to your mate's nightclub. 0.98

01:00:55.000 I'm like, yeah, nah, he's not there tonight.

01:00:57.000 It's shut.

01:00:58.000 We'll go another time.

01:00:59.000 How about I drop you home?

01:01:01.000 So driving her home and I'm thinking to myself... 1.00

01:01:04.000 This fucking animal is going to go for the goodnight kiss. 1.00

01:01:07.000 If she goes to the goodnight kiss, I'm fucked. 1.00

01:01:09.000 She'll pin me like fucking Hulk Hogan, pin me down and kiss me. 1.00

01:01:13.000 So I'm like, think, Michael. 1.00

01:01:14.000 Think, how do you get out of the goodnight kiss with this pig? 0.98

01:01:17.000 And then I started, I thought, hmm, a bit of reverse psychology. 0.99

01:01:20.000 So I start talking to her about kissing, deliberately.

01:01:23.000 I'm like, yeah, I love kissing.

01:01:25.000 I'm a good kisser. 0.99

01:01:27.000 It's one of my specialties when I fucking kiss a chick. 1.00

01:01:29.000 I'm like fucking awesome. 0.99

01:01:30.000 And she's like getting all juiced up in the car, bro. 0.98

01:01:33.000 She's getting juiced up in the car and you can see her like, yeah, really?

01:01:36.000 Really?

01:01:37.000 I'm like, yeah, I fucking love kissing. 0.99

01:01:38.000 I got her all worked up. 1.00

01:01:39.000 And then I go, yeah, but you know, Liz, I was brought up a really good Catholic boy.

01:01:44.000 And I was always taught, never kiss a girl on the first date.

01:01:47.000 Get to know her for three or four dates.

01:01:48.000 And then maybe, you know, kiss her. 1.00

01:01:50.000 Just total bullshit, by the way. 1.00

01:01:51.000 I'll fuck a girl on the first date if I can. 1.00

01:01:53.000 Not anymore because I'm engaged. 1.00

01:01:54.000 In the old days.

01:01:55.000 Right.

01:01:56.000 And then her face just changed.

01:01:58.000 Really disappointed.

01:02:00.000 So get to her house.

01:02:01.000 She still goes in for a kiss on the lips. 1.00

01:02:02.000 And I hate it when fucking people do that, by the way. 1.00

01:02:04.000 If they're not my girlfriend, I hate people greeting me by a kiss on the lips. 1.00

01:02:07.000 It's a little odd, right?

01:02:08.000 It's odd, man.

01:02:09.000 I've got some female friends that do it, and I'm like, I don't like it.

01:02:12.000 She goes for the kiss on the lips.

01:02:13.000 I turn the cheek.

01:02:14.000 She pecks the cheek.

01:02:14.000 Out of the car.

01:02:15.000 End of the date from hell.

01:02:17.000 But there is an epilogue.

01:02:19.000 Date from hell happened a week out from Valentine's Day.

01:02:23.000 So next weekend comes Valentine's Day on the Saturday.

01:02:26.000 Cut to you, white as paper, fluorescent room.

01:02:30.000 Well, if she had her way, you're not too far off because on Sunday, the night after Valentine's, I get a call from her best friend, Wendy.

01:02:37.000 And Wendy's like, hi, Michael, it's Wendy.

01:02:39.000 Oh my God, you're so romantic.

01:02:42.000 I'm like, oh, am I Wendy?

01:02:43.000 Cool.

01:02:44.000 Thanks.

01:02:44.000 Um...

01:02:45.000 Why?

01:02:46.000 She goes, oh my god, the giant teddy bear and the flowers and the chocolates you sent to Elizabeth for Valentine's Day were so romantic.

01:02:54.000 I'm like, huh?

01:02:55.000 What?

01:02:56.000 She goes, oh, the chocolates and the teddy bear and the flowers.

01:02:59.000 I go, what do you mean, Wendy?

01:03:01.000 Oh, well, I rang Liz yesterday or last night and she couldn't talk and she was all breathy and panty and said she couldn't talk to me because she was in bed with you. 0.99

01:03:11.000 I fucking lost the plot. 0.98

01:03:13.000 I hung up from Wendy. 0.99

01:03:14.000 I rang Liz. 1.00

01:03:15.000 I'm like, you fucking beast of a woman. 1.00

01:03:18.000 I go, not only was our date the worst fucking date from hell, which is why I didn't ring you. 1.00

01:03:22.000 I go, then I actually felt sorry for you when you sent yourself chocolates and a teddy bear and fucking flowers on Valentine's Day. 1.00

01:03:30.000 Because that's a sad, lonely person that does that and tells all her friends. 1.00

01:03:33.000 But the moment you insinuate that I'm fucking your ugly ass on Valentine's night and go telling everyone... 1.00

01:03:39.000 My brother, this is related directly to you chasing down that dude that knocked on the window. 1.00

01:03:45.000 Really?

01:03:45.000 This is all the same.

01:03:45.000 Is it all the same?

01:03:46.000 You're creating unnecessary conflict in your life. 0.99

01:03:49.000 This poor girl is genetically fucked by Thor's hammer. 1.00

01:03:54.000 So, here you are rubbing salt into the wound because her sad ass is pretending to be fucking you. 1.00

01:04:00.000 I was sorry for her when she sent herself the gifts, but then you got around flapping your gums that you're fucking me? 1.00

01:04:04.000 Listen, you got dealt a couple of aces. 0.99

01:04:08.000 Some people get...

01:04:09.000 Two twos.

01:04:10.000 You know, that's just the way life is.

01:04:12.000 Get this one, though.

01:04:12.000 I'll tell you another freaky girl experience from the past.

01:04:15.000 You see, you're getting into this conflict with this woman, though, unnecessarily.

01:04:21.000 This other one I made in a club.

01:04:23.000 This other one I made in a club.

01:04:24.000 You don't feel bad for that beast?

01:04:27.000 The animal?

01:04:27.000 The woman, yeah.

01:04:28.000 You don't feel bad for someone who's just fucked intellectually, fucked physically, fucked socially. 1.00

01:04:35.000 No, but you know, no one pisses me off the fuck socially, because at least learn to buy a fucking bottle of antiperspirant and stick it under your fucking arms. 1.00

01:04:42.000 At least learn the decency to walk to my car with your shoes on. 1.00

01:04:45.000 Who knows what life she's led. 0.98

01:04:47.000 You know, you're stepping into a life that's already in progress and who knows what the fuck has gone on. 0.99

01:04:53.000 How does she call herself a beach body, man? 1.00

01:04:54.000 Unless she's a fucking beached whale, like I said. 1.00

01:04:56.000 She's a lost person, man. 1.00

01:04:58.000 Dude, this other chick, this other chick that lived like Catherine Zeta-Jones was fucking hot. 1.00

01:05:02.000 So I met her at a nightclub, got her details, and she goes, come over to my house. 0.97

01:05:06.000 So she lives down in Broadmeadows, which if someone from Melbourne's listening, Broadmeadows is the wrong end of town to be on.

01:05:11.000 Should have been a warning sign again for me, but it wasn't.

01:05:14.000 Drive out to Broadmeadows, sitting there on her sofa, on her couch, and we're watching some Johnny Depp film I'd never seen called Cry Baby.

01:05:21.000 It was her favourite film.

01:05:22.000 You get cocked into watching faggy movies left and right, man. 1.00

01:05:25.000 And she was hammered when I got there on fucking Jack Daniels and Cokes, right? 1.00

01:05:29.000 She was hammered by the time I got there. 0.99

01:05:30.000 I had like two six-packs in the kitchen.

01:05:32.000 She was churning through.

01:05:33.000 Sitting there watching this...

01:05:34.000 It was a video tape, actually.

01:05:37.000 Watching it.

01:05:38.000 And the first thing I noticed was...

01:05:39.000 There was a little coffee table to the side of the couch where I was sitting. 1.00

01:05:42.000 There was a fucking butcher's knife, brother. 1.00

01:05:44.000 That big. 1.00

01:05:45.000 Just sitting there.

01:05:45.000 There's no meat there.

01:05:46.000 Nothing. 1.00

01:05:47.000 Just a fucking knife. 1.00

01:05:48.000 That big. 1.00

01:05:48.000 That sort of freaked me out. 1.00

01:05:49.000 I'm like, alright.

01:05:50.000 Sitting there watching the movie.

01:05:52.000 And all of a sudden, I hear this. 1.00

01:05:55.000 Fucking baby crying. 1.00

01:05:57.000 I'm like, the fuck was that? 1.00

01:05:59.000 She goes, oh, that's my three-month-old daughter. 1.00

01:06:01.000 Just a moment, I'm going to give her a bottle. 0.99

01:06:03.000 This chick's got a three-month-old daughter I didn't know about. 1.00

01:06:06.000 Alright.

01:06:07.000 She goes in the kitchen.

01:06:08.000 She makes up the baby's formula, puts it in the microwave, nukes it, goes back in the baby's room, comes back and joins me like 30 seconds later and presses play on the video. 0.50

01:06:16.000 Isn't it amazing when you think about how little a person has to know you before you're over their house?

01:06:23.000 Like, you don't even know that she has a baby.

01:06:25.000 That's how limited your interaction has been and all of a sudden you're over her house.

01:06:30.000 But this is the thing, though.

01:06:31.000 I usually, it's my journalistic background, ask so many questions, but for some reason she didn't tell me this.

01:06:36.000 And she goes and gives the kid the bottle.

01:06:38.000 Comes back 30 seconds later, I'm like, aren't you going to feed the kid?

01:06:42.000 Didn't you just make the bottle?

01:06:43.000 Oh, yeah, don't worry.

01:06:44.000 If she gets hungry, she'll pick up the bottle and feed herself a three-month-old with a hot bottle! 1.00

01:06:49.000 Whoa.

01:06:49.000 Right?

01:06:50.000 Whoa. 1.00

01:06:50.000 I'm like, okay, this chick's fucking freaky. 1.00

01:06:53.000 By this time, I'm totally put off her. 0.99

01:06:54.000 Even though she looks like Catherine Zeta-Jones, I'm put off.

01:06:57.000 When I'm put off, that's it, I'm put off.

01:06:59.000 So, the movie ends, and she tries to get a little frisky, and I'm just like, eh, not really.

01:07:04.000 I've got to go.

01:07:04.000 I've got to work tomorrow, whatever.

01:07:06.000 On the front step, and she's like, she's tanked off her nut. 0.98

01:07:08.000 She's drunk by this day.

01:07:09.000 She's like, no, baby.

01:07:10.000 Drunk with a three-month-old bed.

01:07:11.000 Drunk with a three-month-old with a bottle in its crib, right?

01:07:14.000 And she's like, baby, baby, don't go yet.

01:07:15.000 Let me show you this party trick.

01:07:17.000 Bro, she takes her top off on her front doorstep. 1.00

01:07:20.000 She's got these big-ass tits. 1.00

01:07:21.000 Grabs a boob, lifts it up to her mouth, starts licking her nipple in front of me. 1.00

01:07:25.000 I'm just like, that's just not working. 1.00

01:07:28.000 That's just the whole baby butcher's knife, you're drunk, Johnny Depp licking your big fucking tit. 1.00

01:07:33.000 Not working. 1.00

01:07:35.000 I leave her, drive home.

01:07:37.000 Two days later, I'm in a business meeting at like midday and she calls.

01:07:40.000 So I let her go through the voicemail.

01:07:42.000 She calls again, calls again, calls again, calls again.

01:07:45.000 Finally leaves a message for me.

01:07:47.000 Bro, I checked the message the next hour after my meeting had finished. 0.99

01:07:49.000 The most abusive fucking message you've ever heard. 1.00

01:07:52.000 You fucking cunt, you piece of shit, motherfucker. 1.00

01:07:56.000 Every swear word you can imagine. 1.00

01:07:58.000 You're just like every other man. 0.95

01:07:59.000 Never call, never text, this and that.

01:08:01.000 Don't pick up the phone when I call you. 0.99

01:08:03.000 This just fucking lost it at me. 0.99

01:08:04.000 Yeah, well, that's par for the course. 0.99

01:08:07.000 That's par for the course with human beings, though, man.

01:08:09.000 You know, you can say it's chicks, but it's because that's who you're dating. 1.00

01:08:12.000 Dude, I had a chick threatening to commit suicide! 1.00

01:08:14.000 If you were dating dudes, your stories would be even more pathetic. 1.00

01:08:16.000 Dude, I had a chick threatening to slit her wrists because I want to take her out. 1.00

01:08:20.000 You're a fucking savage. 1.00

01:08:21.000 Look at you. 1.00

01:08:21.000 That's what it is. 1.00

01:08:22.000 You know why?

01:08:23.000 She can't help herself.

01:08:24.000 She was a bikini model, and she thought she was that hot. 1.00

01:08:27.000 Now, she was hot. 1.00

01:08:27.000 She texted me photos of herself, but I was busy at the time, and I'm like, yeah, maybe I've got to go away overseas. 1.00

01:08:32.000 Maybe I'll, like, you know, we'll hook up in three weeks' time. 0.70

01:08:35.000 And she cracked the shits that she wasn't high list of my priorities, sent me all these pics of her in a bikini. 1.00

01:08:40.000 I'm like, yeah, that's all pretty, but it's not as if I haven't seen fucking models before, dude. 0.99

01:08:44.000 Like, relax. 0.99

01:08:45.000 Look at you, you stud. 0.98

01:08:45.000 Dude, she sat in a bathtub in Port Melbourne, rang me, and threatened to slit her wrists. 0.98

01:08:51.000 I gotta think there's more to the story.

01:08:54.000 No more.

01:08:55.000 I just kept knocking her back.

01:08:56.000 There is more, just not your part.

01:08:58.000 Oh, not my part. 1.00

01:08:58.000 Your life is a fucking wreck. 1.00

01:09:00.000 Yeah, you stepped into a bad situation. 1.00

01:09:01.000 She faked having a head tumour, just to try and get me to call her back.

01:09:05.000 And then she apologised, said, no, no, it wasn't a head tumour, I was lying.

01:09:08.000 And the next day she sends me a text message saying, my box hurts.

01:09:12.000 Her box.

01:09:13.000 And I'm like, what do you mean?

01:09:14.000 She goes, my box hurts.

01:09:15.000 And then tried to tell me she had cervical cancer. 0.99

01:09:19.000 And by this stage, I'm just like, this is really bad.

01:09:22.000 Because I know people that have died from cervical cancer. 1.00

01:09:24.000 I'm like, don't talk stupid fucking shit to try and get my attention. 1.00

01:09:28.000 You need a life coach, brother. 1.00

01:09:29.000 Dude.

01:09:30.000 All those days are over.

01:09:30.000 This is many moons ago, mind you.

01:09:32.000 Yeah, you say that, but you're still out chasing derelicts. 0.98

01:09:35.000 For punching your window, your life coach, Brock.

01:09:38.000 Amazing.

01:09:38.000 If you're ever in a situation like that, call me up.

01:09:40.000 Call me up.

01:09:41.000 We'll smoke a joint together and we'll talk this through.

01:09:42.000 That sounds good, man.

01:09:43.000 Give me some advice. 1.00

01:09:45.000 Crazy fucking bitches out there. 1.00

01:09:46.000 I would say, go, oh wow, for real, tumor? 1.00

01:09:48.000 Damn. 1.00

01:09:48.000 That's not going to stop me from fucking you, is it? 1.00

01:09:50.000 And she'll say, no, I don't think so. 1.00

01:09:52.000 And you go, good. 1.00

01:09:53.000 And you go over and fuck the shit out of her. 1.00

01:09:55.000 And then she tells you she's Wonder Woman. 1.00

01:09:56.000 You go, that's awesome.

01:09:57.000 I'll call you next week.

01:09:58.000 And then you leave.

01:09:59.000 So what you do is, whatever craziness she says, you go, wow, that's crazy. 1.00

01:10:04.000 That's fucking crazy. 0.99

01:10:05.000 I hope you're okay. 0.99

01:10:06.000 Listen, I gotta go.

01:10:07.000 I'll call you later. 1.00

01:10:07.000 Are we still gonna fuck? 1.00

01:10:09.000 And then she'll say yes. 1.00

01:10:11.000 And then you show up and you fuck that crazy bitch. 1.00

01:10:13.000 And that's what you do. 1.00

01:10:14.000 I'm scared to fuck crazy bitches that mean. 1.00

01:10:16.000 Don't do it. 1.00

01:10:16.000 But the crazy ones are often the most fun. 1.00

01:10:18.000 My friend Tony always says it best.

01:10:20.000 He said that erotic and psychotic are next door neighbors. 0.94

01:10:24.000 My mate picked up a crazy chick in a bar. 1.00

01:10:27.000 I think I told you this story last time.

01:10:28.000 And he gave her Melmaninga finger and she had...

01:10:31.000 The Melmaninga?

01:10:31.000 Oh, Melmaninga.

01:10:32.000 It's the name of a very famous Australian rugby player.

01:10:35.000 Melmaninga.

01:10:37.000 So at school we used to say, oh, I gave this chick a Melmaninga, three finger Melmaninga. 0.97

01:10:40.000 So what does that mean?

01:10:42.000 It means a finger of three fingers.

01:10:43.000 Why does he have a name for fingering people?

01:10:45.000 Just because he rhymes with finger Melmaninga.

01:10:47.000 Oh.

01:10:48.000 Yeah.

01:10:49.000 Oh, that's it?

01:10:50.000 I thought it was like a story where it's like finger another player or something.

01:10:53.000 No, my mate Mel Menninger, the girl.

01:10:55.000 I was hoping. 1.00

01:10:56.000 And she had scabs inside her pussy. 1.00

01:10:57.000 Whoa, what? 1.00

01:10:59.000 Scabs. 1.00

01:11:00.000 Inside her fucking pussy. 1.00

01:11:01.000 I don't know how it's possible. 1.00

01:11:02.000 What's she scratching on the inside of the scabs? 1.00

01:11:04.000 So did you feel the scabs?

01:11:05.000 No, it wasn't me.

01:11:06.000 It was my mate. 1.00

01:11:06.000 He just like, dude, I fingered her and the fucking scabs in her pussy. 1.00

01:11:09.000 You might be a liar. 1.00

01:11:09.000 Your friend might be full of shit. 1.00

01:11:11.000 No, he'd done some dirty shit. 1.00

01:11:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:11:13.000 But then that's pretty full on to have scabs inside your pussy. 1.00

01:11:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:11:16.000 Even if she had scabs on her fucking flat. 1.00

01:11:17.000 It seems like she would flinch if you hit those. 1.00

01:11:20.000 Like, ow! 0.99

01:11:21.000 That would fucking hurt, right? 0.99

01:11:22.000 Dude, you know what you've got to find on the internet one day is the World Sex Games or something, right? 0.99

01:11:27.000 It was held in like Japan or something. 1.00

01:11:29.000 It's a funnier shit. 0.99

01:11:30.000 They have a ring, like a boxing ring, and they have couples in each corner. 0.99

01:11:34.000 And one of the ones was the guy has to stand there and like finger the chick and whichever chick blows the first wins. 0.71

01:11:40.000 There's all these like sex games.

01:11:41.000 There was another one where there was like an alley, like a long jump sort of alley that had measuring parts on it. 1.00

01:11:48.000 The girls would sit there with their fucking legs spread, finger themselves and see who could blow the furthest. 1.00

01:11:52.000 It's on the internet. 1.00

01:11:53.000 You've got to find it somewhere. 1.00

01:11:54.000 Like World Sex Olympics or World Sex Games, all these crazy fucking Asians fingering themselves. 1.00

01:11:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:12:00.000 Blowing everywhere so you could blow the first. 1.00

01:12:02.000 That whole squirting thing, that is fucking foul. 0.99

01:12:06.000 I don't understand the appeal of that. 0.99

01:12:10.000 Even if it's not piss, it's a suspect.

01:12:13.000 That's 20% piss, for sure.

01:12:16.000 It has to be, right? 1.00

01:12:17.000 We're asking where the fucking juice is from. 1.00

01:12:18.000 Where the fuck is that coming from? 1.00

01:12:19.000 What is that stuff like? 1.00

01:12:20.000 That's salty.

01:12:21.000 I don't want to know what it tastes like.

01:12:23.000 I don't want to experience it.

01:12:25.000 Dude, I fingered this girl once, and I couldn't get the smell of her bad-smelling poon off my hands for like a week. 0.98

01:12:30.000 Only once?

01:12:31.000 Dude, once.

01:12:32.000 That was all it took.

01:12:32.000 You live the clean life, lad.

01:12:33.000 Once, and I ended up with spots on my finger, and I'm ringing my mate going, what the fuck has this chick done to me? 1.00

01:12:37.000 I've got spots on my finger, and I can't get the smell off it. 0.99

01:12:40.000 I washed and scrubbed that fucker, and just... 0.99

01:12:43.000 I had one of my first girlfriends ever had a stank box. 1.00

01:12:47.000 It was a disaster.

01:12:48.000 What do you do, man?

01:12:49.000 How do you go down there? 1.00

01:12:50.000 How do you fucking eat at a girl with a stank box? 1.00

01:12:51.000 It's tough. 1.00

01:12:52.000 But when you're 17, your dick is so hard. 1.00

01:12:55.000 That's true. 1.00

01:12:55.000 It's just carbon fiber cock. 1.00

01:12:58.000 Your dick just doesn't give a fuck. 1.00

01:13:00.000 Your dick is willing to... 1.00

01:13:02.000 You could have a dead squirrel in your mouth and your dick would still be hard. 1.00

01:13:06.000 What's worse, though? 1.00

01:13:07.000 If a chick has the fucking rotten box or, like a Hungarian chick I've been out with once, has labia, the fucking curtains. 1.00

01:13:14.000 Oh, I don't mind that. 1.00

01:13:15.000 Real, the fucking flappy labs? 1.00

01:13:16.000 Juicy pussy lips. 1.00

01:13:17.000 Damn, man. 1.00

01:13:17.000 It doesn't bother me at all. 1.00

01:13:18.000 Damn. 1.00

01:13:19.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:13:20.000 That feels good. 1.00

01:13:20.000 That's like a big grippy pussy. 1.00

01:13:22.000 Dude. 1.00

01:13:24.000 Big strong box.

01:13:25.000 Man. 1.00

01:13:26.000 Milk your cock. 1.00

01:13:26.000 Speaking of lips, I went to this Polish girl that looked like Natalie Portman. 1.00

01:13:30.000 She was fucking hot. 1.00

01:13:31.000 And she's known amongst my friends when I tell this story of being bottom lip kisser. 0.99

01:13:34.000 This chick would only kiss with her bottom lip. 1.00

01:13:37.000 Okay.

01:13:37.000 Dude, no top lip, no tongue.

01:13:39.000 Just a bottom lip. 1.00

01:13:39.000 She sucks dick with both of them. 1.00

01:13:41.000 Bottom fucking lip. 1.00

01:13:43.000 Come on, son. 1.00

01:13:44.000 I broke up with her because after six weeks of going out with her, I'm getting with her lip in the car.

01:13:50.000 Because I'm getting with her, I'm getting with her lip.

01:13:51.000 Passion in the car.

01:13:52.000 Passion is an Australian word for kissing.

01:13:53.000 Did you ever ask her to kiss with the upper lip as well?

01:13:56.000 Yeah.

01:13:56.000 Her name was Liz too.

01:13:57.000 I got a thing with weird lizards.

01:13:59.000 I'm like, Liz, why don't you ever kiss with your top lip or your tongue?

01:14:02.000 And she was like, well, this is the way I kiss. 0.97

01:14:04.000 If you don't like it, then don't kiss me. 0.99

01:14:06.000 And she was fucking hot. 1.00

01:14:06.000 I'm like, oh fuck it, I'll kiss her anyway. 1.00

01:14:08.000 You guys would put a chicken check when they talk like that, Mike. 1.00

01:14:11.000 Yeah, nah.

01:14:12.000 In a moment, the girl says something like that and goes, listen, you seem like you're in a bad mood, so I'm going to send you home, and you take care, and I'll call you later. 0.98

01:14:19.000 Dude, where were you on my shoulder when you couldn't meet me?

01:14:21.000 Because that's the reason I dumped her eventually.

01:14:23.000 After six weeks, we're making out in the car. 0.99

01:14:25.000 I lean over to put a hand on her tit. 0.95

01:14:27.000 On top of her clothes, she's like, no, I want it to be special. 0.99

01:14:31.000 No. 1.00

01:14:31.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:14:32.000 After six weeks, I can't even get any fucking tits. 1.00

01:14:34.000 This is all shit that happened to me when I was in high school. 1.00

01:14:36.000 It's true about Australia. 0.99

01:14:38.000 You guys catch on late?

01:14:40.000 Things happen later for you?

01:14:41.000 I was a light bloomer, man. 0.99

01:14:42.000 I was the biggest fucking nerd when I was young. 0.98

01:14:44.000 It took me so long. 1.00

01:14:45.000 Get your first slice of pie. 1.00

01:14:48.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

01:14:49.000 You know what? 1.00

01:14:49.000 My first kiss was at 16. My first slice of pie was not until like 21. God damn, son. 1.00

01:14:55.000 With a French Mauritian girl that I was dating who was like 18 at the time. 1.00

01:14:57.000 I thought you were going to say a French Marine.

01:14:59.000 French Marine.

01:15:00.000 That's right.

01:15:00.000 I'm like, whoa, this could get ugly.

01:15:02.000 French Mauritian girl named Anik.

01:15:03.000 She was hot too. 0.99

01:15:04.000 Yeah, but man, I was a late bloomer, but I made up for it in due time.

01:15:08.000 Listen, man, you're always going to run into weird people if you're trying to date because you're going to run into weird people just randomly trying to make friends. 0.99

01:15:15.000 You know, the problem is people are so horny that they're not that particular about who they stick their penis inside of. 0.99

01:15:21.000 That's why you wind up with so many fucked up situations. 0.99

01:15:23.000 Do you know the thing that shoots me, and maybe you can relate to this as well, is that... 0.94

01:15:27.000 When I used to date chicks and I go out to chicks and there was like chicks that I used to like that didn't like me back then.

01:15:32.000 But recently, because my profile's gone up, you know, working on TV and people are seeing my face on TV and stuff, those chicks like send you a message out of nowhere. 1.00

01:15:41.000 Find you on Facebook or find you on Twitter or, you know, they suddenly have your number back in their phone.

01:15:46.000 They're like texting you.

01:15:46.000 You know, let's go out.

01:15:47.000 How you doing?

01:15:48.000 Been thinking about you? 1.00

01:15:49.000 It's like, the fuck, man? 1.00

01:15:50.000 Only because you've seen me on TV or something, you come fucking squirming back. 1.00

01:15:54.000 You should take advantage of that and just stuff your cock in my mouth. 1.00

01:15:57.000 I don't know what you're complaining about. 1.00

01:15:59.000 It sounds to me like they're throwing some pussy away and you're all indignant about it. 1.00

01:16:03.000 Oh, I need to be very selective about my pussy selections, man. 1.00

01:16:07.000 You need a life coach. 1.00

01:16:08.000 I'm telling you.

01:16:08.000 I can help you.

01:16:09.000 Dude, did I ever tell you what happened in Vegas the first time I went there at Ray?

01:16:13.000 Actually, Ray Sefo doesn't even know this story.

01:16:15.000 I can't believe I'm about to tell it now. 0.98

01:16:16.000 If Ray listens, you'll kill me. 0.92

01:16:17.000 Then don't tell it. 0.99

01:16:18.000 I'll tell it. 1.00

01:16:19.000 Fuck it. 1.00

01:16:19.000 Don't throw Ray under the bus. 1.00

01:16:20.000 No, no.

01:16:21.000 Ray wasn't there.

01:16:22.000 I was using Ray's house.

01:16:23.000 Oh.

01:16:24.000 I was in Vegas for the first time ever.

01:16:26.000 This was like going back in 2006 or 2007 for K1. And after the show, we'd stayed at Bellagio for K1 and then I stayed at Ray's for a few nights.

01:16:33.000 But he was going to Japan, so I had a whole house to myself.

01:16:36.000 And I met this girl at Caesars.

01:16:39.000 Beautiful black girl, man. 0.98

01:16:40.000 She looked a bit like Janet Jackson-ish, sort of really hot. 1.00

01:16:43.000 And I had her number and I thought, I'll give her a call and see what she's doing. 1.00

01:16:47.000 Ray had a big fucking house in Vegas with a jacuzzi out there. 0.97

01:16:50.000 And I'm like, yeah, this will be impressive. 0.99

01:16:52.000 So I ring this girl and she's like, oh, yeah, cool.

01:16:54.000 I'm not doing anything.

01:16:55.000 I'll come over with my cousin.

01:16:55.000 Is that okay?

01:16:56.000 And I'm like, sweet, come over. 0.99

01:16:57.000 Got a whole house, fridge stocked of alcohol, fucking fridge full of food. 0.99

01:17:01.000 Come on over. 0.99

01:17:02.000 So she comes over with her cousin and her cousin's cracking hot as well.

01:17:05.000 I'm like, oh, this is too good to be true.

01:17:07.000 And she goes to me, do you smoke?

01:17:10.000 I'm like, no, not really.

01:17:12.000 And she goes, do you want to have like a puff in the jacuzzi? 1.00

01:17:15.000 I'm like, oh, fuck it. 1.00

01:17:16.000 She's like weed. 1.00

01:17:17.000 She's talking about weed.

01:17:18.000 Weed, right?

01:17:18.000 I'm like, okay, cool.

01:17:19.000 She goes, do you smoke blunt?

01:17:22.000 I don't know what blunt was.

01:17:23.000 I go, no, I don't know what blunt is.

01:17:24.000 I go, what's blunt?

01:17:25.000 Is it like marijuana? 0.99

01:17:26.000 She started describing the fucking process, whatever, to me. 0.99

01:17:29.000 But she got like a cigar that was that big and somehow sliced it with a razor blade and hollowed it out and stuffed all this blunt in there. 1.00

01:17:36.000 So we go into the...

01:17:37.000 Well, what it is is two different ways.

01:17:39.000 Okay.

01:17:39.000 In England, a lot of times they'll even roll their joints with tobacco in it.

01:17:44.000 They'll roll, like, cigarette tobacco with joints together.

01:17:45.000 That's how they do it in Australia, too.

01:17:47.000 They do that a little bit.

01:17:47.000 To make it burn longer, not burn out.

01:17:49.000 Yeah, but no, don't do that.

01:17:50.000 It's terrible for you.

01:17:51.000 It ruins the whole thing.

01:17:52.000 And then the other way is the blunt.

01:17:53.000 There's two ways of doing that.

01:17:54.000 Sometimes with tobacco inside of it, but most of the time not.

01:17:57.000 But using the tobacco leaf, which is the cigar case...

01:18:02.000 The difference between cigars and joints or cigarettes is that if you smoke a cigar, there's an actual leaf that's covering it.

01:18:12.000 The whole thing that you're smoking is pure plant matter.

01:18:15.000 A good cigar, especially, they're prized for their leaf and their wrapper.

01:18:20.000 It's a special plant that they grow just particularly for that purpose.

01:18:24.000 When you inhale it though, you don't inhale a cigar.

01:18:28.000 When you smoke a cigar, you take a breath You keep it in your mouth and then you blow it out and you taste it and you get a buzz from the nicotine.

01:18:36.000 But you inhale weed.

01:18:37.000 So when they roll these blunts, they're inhaling this deep, heavy tobacco smoke.

01:18:42.000 So is blunt the type of weed or just the way you roll it?

01:18:44.000 It's the way you roll it.

01:18:44.000 Oh, I thought it was a type of weed.

01:18:46.000 No, no, no.

01:18:46.000 It's the way you roll it.

01:18:47.000 Okay, gotcha.

01:18:48.000 So she, well, she called it a blunt.

01:18:50.000 So she rolled the blunt.

01:18:51.000 Yeah, but she put it in a cigar. 1.00

01:18:52.000 Tobacco, yeah.

01:18:53.000 So it's tobacco and weed together because of the tobacco leaf.

01:18:56.000 Okay. 0.99

01:18:57.000 She puts you this big ass cigar. 1.00

01:18:58.000 We go out to the jacuzzi. 1.00

01:18:59.000 I'm like, this is fucking mad. 0.98

01:19:00.000 There's two hot chicks either side of me in the jacuzzi. 1.00

01:19:02.000 It's like nine o'clock at night. 1.00

01:19:03.000 Cut to you, naked, white like paper. 0.94

01:19:05.000 It's getting there. 1.00

01:19:07.000 I take two puffs on this thing and dude, I'm fucked. 0.98

01:19:10.000 My mind felt like it was just floating over there. 0.99

01:19:13.000 Yeah. 0.95

01:19:13.000 And I'm like, this is fucking me up. 0.95

01:19:14.000 I'm going to go back inside. 0.95

01:19:15.000 Go back inside.

01:19:16.000 I'm walking.

01:19:17.000 I can feel my body walking, but my mind's like...

01:19:19.000 Wandering off into another realm, you know.

01:19:22.000 I plonk down on Ray's big chair.

01:19:23.000 And the girls come in like, you know, 25 minutes later and they're drying off. 1.00

01:19:27.000 And the cousin starts to sit on my lap and mess around a little bit. 1.00

01:19:32.000 Oh, shit, son. 1.00

01:19:33.000 Aggressive cousin. 1.00

01:19:34.000 And then the other girl's just helping herself in the fridge, eating, having some drinks, whatever.

01:19:37.000 Cousin's all over me. 0.96

01:19:38.000 This is cool. 1.00

01:19:39.000 Still off my fucking brain. 0.99

01:19:40.000 And she goes, oh, do you want to go upstairs? 1.00

01:19:42.000 I'm like, sweet.

01:19:43.000 Oh, so then you're upstairs and the other one robs you.

01:19:45.000 Rob's Ray's house.

01:19:46.000 Upstairs.

01:19:47.000 Into Ray's bedroom. 1.00

01:19:49.000 And Ray's bedroom was like a fucking... 1.00

01:19:50.000 He had this bed with posts like a jungle fucking bed. 1.00

01:19:52.000 It was huge, man. 1.00

01:19:52.000 Pimp. 1.00

01:19:53.000 Ray's wardrobe was like the size of this room. 0.99

01:19:56.000 Fucking huge. 0.99

01:19:57.000 So lying down on the bed, getting naked, you know, mucking around a bit. 0.99

01:20:02.000 Ray's got one of his world title belts near the bed.

01:20:04.000 Right.

01:20:05.000 And she's like, do you like being spanked? 1.00

01:20:06.000 I'm like, Whatever, whatever. 0.99

01:20:10.000 She gets Ray's world title bout, turns me over and starts whacking me on the arse with his world title bout. 1.00

01:20:16.000 You seen those kickboxing world title bouts? 0.99

01:20:18.000 Those things are fucking heavy, man. 0.99

01:20:20.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 0.99

01:20:20.000 Again, you need your life coach. 0.99

01:20:22.000 You call me up here, John.

01:20:24.000 I'm at RaySepho.com.

01:20:26.000 I'm being spanked with a world heavyweight champion belt. 0.99

01:20:29.000 And this bitch wants to hit me with his belt. 1.00

01:20:31.000 What do I do? 1.00

01:20:31.000 You say no! 1.00

01:20:33.000 The fuck are you talking about? 1.00

01:20:34.000 She hit me with the belt. 1.00

01:20:35.000 So then I turn back over. 1.00

01:20:37.000 I just want to fuck her by now. 1.00

01:20:39.000 And she's like on top of me. 1.00

01:20:40.000 You should have already been fucking her. 1.00

01:20:41.000 She's talking too much. 1.00

01:20:42.000 She goes to me, baby, have you got what I need?

01:20:44.000 I'm like, oh yeah, it's in the bathroom.

01:20:46.000 Just go get a condom out of my toiletries bag in the bathroom.

01:20:48.000 Cool.

01:20:49.000 She goes, no baby, have you got what I need? 1.00

01:20:52.000 Fuck yes. 1.00

01:20:52.000 The fucking rubber's in the bathroom. 1.00

01:20:54.000 Go grab one. 1.00

01:20:55.000 Radio. 1.00

01:20:55.000 Fucking got what you need right here. 1.00

01:20:56.000 She needs cocaine. 1.00

01:20:57.000 She goes, no baby.

01:20:59.000 You see, my car's in the pound and it's going to cost $400 to get it out.

01:21:05.000 And I'm really strapped for cash.

01:21:08.000 Dude, I sobered up in a hurry.

01:21:09.000 I'm like... 1.00

01:21:11.000 I go, are you a fucking hooker? 1.00

01:21:12.000 Oh, baby, don't be like that. 1.00

01:21:14.000 I just need the money for my car. 1.00

01:21:16.000 And I'm like, are you a fucking hooker? 1.00

01:21:18.000 And she admitted to it. 1.00

01:21:19.000 I fucking grabbed her, threw her off me. 1.00

01:21:21.000 I wonder how many girls rock the hooker world that way. 1.00

01:21:23.000 Dude, ran downstairs.

01:21:25.000 Because then that picture of my mom thinking, someone's cleaning out Ray's house. 1.00

01:21:27.000 Ray's got all this fucking cool shit. 0.99

01:21:29.000 And she was just sitting on the sofa eating and drinking. 1.00

01:21:33.000 I grabbed her, grabbed her cousin, threw them out the fucking front door. 1.00

01:21:36.000 You should have went with the cousin. 1.00

01:21:37.000 Yeah.

01:21:38.000 Always go with the cousin.

01:21:40.000 $460 later? 1.00

01:21:41.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

01:21:42.000 So, do you think that that's how she rocks it all the time? 1.00

01:21:45.000 She just shows up at guys' houses and just asks them for money when she gets them horny? 1.00

01:21:48.000 Yeah, I think so.

01:21:49.000 Because I was ready to go. 0.98

01:21:51.000 It's a good way to get killed. 0.99

01:21:52.000 It is a good way to get killed. 0.99

01:21:54.000 I was ropeable, man. 0.92

01:21:55.000 I grabbed her, grabbed her girlfriend and like... 0.58

01:21:57.000 Again, think about how quickly you get intimate with someone that you don't even know and how crazy that is.

01:22:05.000 That's the weirdest thing about dating is how quickly people are willing to get intimate with complete total strangers.

01:22:12.000 The lady with the three-month-old baby lets you in the house. 1.00

01:22:15.000 You don't even know this fucking brought out a baby and you're already alone with her and she's licking her tits. 1.00

01:22:21.000 With a knife. 1.00

01:22:22.000 Yeah, if you had to make friends the way you try to get laid, like if it was really important, like you needed a friend every couple of days, you know, I mean, Jesus Christ, your friendships would be fucking chaotic. 0.99

01:22:33.000 They'd be crazy. 0.97

01:22:34.000 You know, if we needed friendship as much as we need sex, which, by the way, is real possible, you know? 0.98

01:22:40.000 Have you ever dumped a friend like you would dump a girlfriend? 0.87

01:22:43.000 Yes.

01:22:43.000 You have?

01:22:44.000 Like I've done a friend dump?

01:22:45.000 Yeah.

01:22:45.000 Of a guy, not a girl?

01:22:46.000 Many times, yeah.

01:22:47.000 Of a dude?

01:22:47.000 Yep, yeah.

01:22:48.000 What did you say to him?

01:22:49.000 Can't hang out with you anymore.

01:22:50.000 You're negative.

01:22:51.000 Straight up.

01:22:52.000 Yeah, there's some dudes that you will have good times with in the beginning, but then somewhere along the line, as you get to know them better, their character flaws are exposed and they're not willing to be honest about it.

01:23:03.000 So then every time you're hanging around with that person, it becomes a problem.

01:23:07.000 It becomes all around that person.

01:23:09.000 It becomes this person's character flaw that everybody has to sort of deal with, whether it's jealousy or whether it's being overly aggressive, whether it's being de- dicky to women whatever the fuck it is you know there's certain dudes that are not willing to look at reality and they're not willing to evolve and the real problem is if you surround yourself with someone like that that all your evolution stops All your progress as a human being stops as does theirs. 0.98

01:23:36.000 So when you're out with them, man, if they're acting cunty and douchey, you're locked into this cunty, douchey life. 0.98

01:23:41.000 This is your crew.

01:23:43.000 This is who you're hanging out with, man.

01:23:44.000 And if you don't surround yourself with like-minded people, you don't grow together.

01:23:48.000 So when you're with someone that you feel like is a roadblock to your own personal enlightenment, it's important for you to separate yourself from that person.

01:23:55.000 Did you ever hear from this guy again?

01:23:56.000 And when you did, is it like the awkward ex-girlfriend calling?

01:23:59.000 It's been a few times.

01:23:59.000 It's a few different guys, not just one.

01:24:01.000 Yeah, a bunch of different guys over the years.

01:24:03.000 You know, it's just people just, you know, and look, I'm a very good and loyal friend.

01:24:08.000 And I pride myself on keeping good and loyal friends and making them appreciate, making them realize how much I appreciate them and making them, you know, I think friendships are one of the most important things you could foster in this world, you know, to be able to.

01:24:25.000 One of the most beautiful things about this podcast has been the fact that I've exposed a lot of people to the friends that I've cultivated.

01:24:35.000 My friend Brian Callan and Duncan and all these really brilliant people that I know that are really interesting cats.

01:24:40.000 I mean, that's my proudest achievement in life, is surrounding myself with an interesting group of friends.

01:24:45.000 And I shouldn't say proudest, but most satisfying.

01:24:48.000 You know, that, wow, this is amazing.

01:24:50.000 I'm so lucky to have such cool friends.

01:24:52.000 The only way you can have that is if you cull.

01:24:55.000 You have to get rid of ones that don't keep up.

01:24:58.000 Because not everybody keeps up, just like not every girl. 0.92

01:25:00.000 Like, you have this great girl in Irene, but look how many cunts you had to go through to get to her. 1.00

01:25:05.000 Well, that's just the way it is with friends as well.

01:25:07.000 It's the same thing. 0.99

01:25:08.000 You will appreciate people that have their shit together when you deal with enough people that don't. 0.95

01:25:13.000 And at a certain point in time, some people are just not willing to take personal responsibility and grow. 0.90

01:25:18.000 And when you run into those people, you gotta separate from them because they're roadblocks.

01:25:23.000 They become problems.

01:25:24.000 There's no growing and it all becomes dealing with them and their issues.

01:25:29.000 And as you get older, you realize, don't you?

01:25:30.000 You see how many friends you had when you were young and as you get older, you cull it and cull it and cull it. 0.95

01:25:35.000 And dude, I've got like five friends that I keep really close, like my inner circle that know shit about me. 0.98

01:25:40.000 Then everyone else is a big fucking perimeter around that inner circle. 0.77

01:25:46.000 Sorry, but the more you travel as well and you're away from home and away from those friends, you realize how much you love them and how much you do need them in your life and close to you and giving that love to you and that positive energy to you so that you can survive in your own life. 0.92

01:25:58.000 Yeah.

01:25:58.000 Well, you grow together.

01:26:01.000 Human beings, like I always say of my closest friends, that my friend Brian Cowan is a perfect example.

01:26:09.000 If Brian considers something and he brings it to me and tells me about it, I know that it's going to be well thought out and I know that I can consider it almost as if...

01:26:20.000 It's my own thoughts.

01:26:22.000 I can appreciate his experiences and his interpretations of his experiences so much.

01:26:27.000 I can trust in them so much that I trust in them almost as much as I would trust in my own.

01:26:31.000 Because the genuine friends that you know have no personal agenda that the advice they give you or they recommend is going to be solely for your own benefit and nothing to do with them trying to gain from it.

01:26:40.000 - Soly honest. - Yeah, exactly. - 'Cause there's folks that you talk to where you don't get that, man.

01:26:45.000 You don't get the honesty.

01:26:46.000 You get this weird amalgamation of the truth and fiction because they don't want to come off looking like a loser or they don't want to come off looking like an asshole when in fact maybe some more shit was their fault and you're not getting the full version of it and they want you to back them up. 0.98

01:27:02.000 If you're my friend, you'd back me up. 0.99

01:27:04.000 No. 1.00

01:27:04.000 If I was your friend, I would tell you when you're being a douchebag. 1.00

01:27:07.000 That idea that a friend has to only be positive all the time when you're being negative. 0.93

01:27:12.000 They can't be honest about it.

01:27:14.000 It's a real problem that people have fostering good friendships and good relationships.

01:27:19.000 And that's one of the happiest things that I've been able to do with this podcast.

01:27:23.000 I've talked to so many people that we've met.

01:27:25.000 You know, all over the country that don't have people that are thinking like this around them.

01:27:30.000 So they're not exposed to a lot of the stuff that we're talking about in their neighborhood or in their community, in their circle, their social circle.

01:27:38.000 You know, and you got to find people like this.

01:27:41.000 You got to find people that you can trust and hang out with because they're out there.

01:27:45.000 Yeah, they're out there. 0.99

01:27:46.000 You could have a bunch of negative cunt friends and just think that all your friends and all the people that you're ever going to meet are negative cunts and then all of a sudden you'll just find some oasis of nice people and if you're not a negative cunt and those people like you, then all of a sudden your life immeasurably gets better. 0.99

01:28:01.000 If your friendships are good, your life is immeasurably better. 1.00

01:28:04.000 That's why I always tell people in bad relationships and bad friendships, just fucking get out. 0.98

01:28:09.000 If you're confident that it's not you, if you're a nice person, then just get out. 0.99

01:28:14.000 Dude, I've seen some people stick around in marriages and relationships where it's fucking abuse, yelling matches every night. 0.99

01:28:21.000 You know, it's like, how the fuck do you stay there? 0.99

01:28:23.000 And there's some people that will tell you that if you don't yell, you don't love. 0.98

01:28:26.000 It's just hilarious. 1.00

01:28:27.000 That's bullshit, man. 0.99

01:28:27.000 I've never yelled at Irene. 0.99

01:28:29.000 You know, we've never had a yellow match. 0.95

01:28:30.000 We might have disagreements, but they're fucking over in 30 seconds, and they don't get nasty, no yelling matches.

01:28:36.000 Yelling matches usually come, I think, in relationships where someone is trying to point score on their partner and get the upper hand. 0.99

01:28:44.000 And I always think to myself, Joe, if you love someone, why the fuck would you want to try and point score on them? 0.93

01:28:49.000 It's all in how you get raised, I think, a lot of it. 0.99

01:28:51.000 A lot of it is people growing up with horrible, horrible relationships. 0.99

01:28:54.000 And sometimes people grow up in horrible relationships and it actually makes them better at relationships because they realize, well, fuck, I don't want to be like my mom and dad. 0.98

01:29:02.000 I'm not into fighting. 1.00

01:29:03.000 I've met girls that their parents fought like crazy, so they were really cool and calm because they had seen so much stupid shit. 1.00

01:29:10.000 And man, the same way. 1.00

01:29:11.000 It's like... 0.90

01:29:12.000 You know, the real reality of relationships is the idea of finding one human being and you've lived 30 plus years of programming and changing your personality and molding to your environment and adapting to all the shit that you see in your world and then... 0.98

01:29:30.000 Out of nowhere you introduce some new player and you gotta decipher the fucking Dead Sea Scrolls. 0.92

01:29:36.000 You gotta go back and figure out where all this comes from. 0.99

01:29:40.000 Where's this attitude?

01:29:42.000 Why is that attitude?

01:29:43.000 Why does she get indignant when I don't open her car door? 0.84

01:29:47.000 What is the root of this?

01:29:49.000 How much does she really believe in this God thing?

01:29:53.000 But then you also sort of think to yourself, like you said, meeting that person, you think to yourself, okay, there's six billion people in the world, let's call three and a half billion of them women, and you're trying to meet this one, and you're trying to meet this one pretty much within, what, a 20-kilometer radius of your house?

01:30:07.000 You're not trying to meet your interstate or another city or other cities?

01:30:10.000 20 kilometers, what is that in miles?

01:30:12.000 Let's even call it 20 miles of your house, 30 miles of your house, in your ratio of where you go out to, your perimeter, circumference of where you head out.

01:30:20.000 You don't have to go out too much.

01:30:21.000 You don't have to go out too much. 1.00

01:30:22.000 You want to have pussy clothes. 1.00

01:30:24.000 Exactly, and that's a minuscule... 1.00

01:30:26.000 The betting odds on that must be insane of finding that person.

01:30:30.000 Are you kidding? 1.00

01:30:31.000 In Los Angeles, there's so many fucking people. 0.99

01:30:33.000 It's not going to be the perfect... 0.99

01:30:34.000 What is the perfect person? 0.98

01:30:37.000 It's like everybody's got their own different version of what the fuck that is. 0.97

01:30:40.000 But the reality with most people is they don't like themselves. 0.99

01:30:43.000 So they're going to be a shitty relationship no matter what. 0.90

01:30:46.000 No matter who they get hooked up with, they're going to be self-defeating and self-sabotaging. 0.91

01:30:51.000 That's the majority of people, especially people struggling.

01:30:54.000 Yeah.

01:30:55.000 Especially people that aren't happy with their art or their career or their chosen profession or whatever the fuck it is they're pursuing and they're in some state of turmoil where they're trying to accomplish some things.

01:31:06.000 A lot of people out there are unhappy with themselves, man. 0.99

01:31:08.000 And they're not going to be happy no matter who the fuck they're with. 0.99

01:31:11.000 They're going to get comfortable with anybody and start being dicky with them because they're dicky with themselves. 1.00

01:31:16.000 And then like you said, they're the people you don't want to be around because their negative energy is just fucking intense, man. 0.87

01:31:21.000 You know how he was saying before about the friends and how your close friends, sometimes their thoughts are like similar to your thoughts.

01:31:27.000 Yeah.

01:31:31.000 who could apparently medically treat people by apparently being able to tap into the worldwide consciousness of everyone and pluck any information he needed from any mind in the world to be able to diagnose someone.

01:31:43.000 I have heard pro and con for Edgar Cayce.

01:31:46.000 My friend Eddie is a big proponent of Edgar Cayce, but he's also big into UFOs.

01:31:51.000 He loves sexy things.

01:31:53.000 He loves ghosts and spirits and channelers.

01:31:57.000 He loves all that stuff.

01:31:58.000 Me, I'm...

01:32:00.000 I'm a cautious optimist.

01:32:02.000 And so I think it's interesting to me that there could be a possibility of some person who has some incredible extrasensory perception to the point where they can read your future or your past or find out things about you.

01:32:13.000 But I'm not convinced. 0.99

01:32:15.000 I'm not convinced and I'm also not convinced that people are being objective about their accounts because I know, like many other things, people want to believe that shit works. 0.98

01:32:24.000 Here's an example. 0.99

01:32:25.000 There was a stupid fucking thing going around where people were wearing these holograms. 1.00

01:32:29.000 Oh, those bracelet things? 1.00

01:32:30.000 Yeah.

01:32:31.000 And one of the guys that was selling it came to Vegas, and God, man, all these really talented athletes were swearing by this, man.

01:32:39.000 It was kind of crazy.

01:32:39.000 I was watching this mass hypnosis.

01:32:42.000 I mean, fucking Shane Carwin was telling me how great they were. 0.98

01:32:44.000 Yeah, really, really helped me. 1.00

01:32:46.000 I'm like, dude, you're a goddamn engineer. 1.00

01:32:48.000 You really think this chip of plastic and rubber band are on your fucking wrist? 1.00

01:32:51.000 It's a total placebo effect, right? 0.99

01:32:53.000 It convinces itself that it's positive.

01:32:54.000 It really does work.

01:32:55.000 Whereas you're actually drawing this positive energy to you.

01:32:57.000 Sure, just like religion, man. 0.98

01:32:58.000 If you really do believe that you're a fucking God soldier and you're out there doing God, you really truly believe that, man. 0.99

01:33:04.000 You will be better. 0.99

01:33:05.000 You will draw positive energy.

01:33:06.000 If you believe that praying to God brings you what you want in life, what you're really doing is just transmitting your positive thoughts, your positive energy.

01:33:13.000 I want this.

01:33:14.000 I'm drawing this to me.

01:33:15.000 I've got to manifest this in my life.

01:33:16.000 Yeah, I mean, it really does work.

01:33:18.000 So anyway, so these guys are selling them in Vegas and they're doing these carnival tricks to sell them.

01:33:23.000 The guy's like, okay, straighten your arm out.

01:33:25.000 Now I'm going to give you the bracelet.

01:33:26.000 Now straighten your arm out. 0.99

01:33:27.000 I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? 0.98

01:33:29.000 You don't think I understand leverage? 1.00

01:33:30.000 You move your arm.

01:33:31.000 You're in a different position now.

01:33:32.000 This is working on MMA guys, man. 0.99

01:33:36.000 People want to believe bullshit, is my point. 0.98

01:33:39.000 This is 2011. Crazy people are still wearing these goddamn rubber braces with these holograms on them. 1.00

01:33:45.000 But also in the life we live and the society we live in, people are always looking to get that upper hand and looking to get that slight edge. 0.99

01:33:51.000 And wow, if this bracelet can give me that slight edge over on my opponent, that slight edge in my work, then they want to believe that the bracelet's going to give them that edge.

01:34:00.000 And they give themselves that edge naturally by their self-belief.

01:34:04.000 Yep.

01:34:05.000 Okay, fine, if the bracelet helped you do it, but the bracelet, like you said, itself does not have any magical power.

01:34:09.000 It's the same in Australia.

01:34:10.000 There's a newspaper article that came out exposing those bracelets as fraud. 1.00

01:34:13.000 It's horse shit. 1.00

01:34:13.000 It's total, complete, utter horse shit. 1.00

01:34:16.000 It's thievery. 1.00

01:34:17.000 These people are liars. 0.99

01:34:19.000 It's really simple. 1.00

01:34:20.000 They really believe that a goddamn piece of plastic is going to change your magnetic frequency. 1.00

01:34:25.000 Shit. 1.00

01:34:25.000 Shut the fuck up, okay? 1.00

01:34:27.000 You know, I ain't hating. 1.00

01:34:29.000 I don't want you arrested.

01:34:30.000 You know, you made your money.

01:34:32.000 Congratulations.

01:34:33.000 But it's craziness.

01:34:35.000 But a lot of people want to believe in it. 0.99

01:34:36.000 And it's interesting to me that people are so anti-performance-enhancing drugs, yet they'll wear a rubber band with a fucking hologram on it. 0.97

01:34:44.000 You know, like it's going to reprogram your system. 0.98

01:34:46.000 Like, wait a minute, man.

01:34:47.000 What are you doing there?

01:34:48.000 That's not natural.

01:34:50.000 That's okay?

01:34:50.000 What if that hologram made you Superman?

01:34:53.000 Would that...

01:34:53.000 You know?

01:34:54.000 Would people still be complaining about it?

01:34:55.000 What if the hologram You put it on, and all of a sudden you're jumping over treetops.

01:35:00.000 Would you say, now we have to take it off?

01:35:02.000 It's too good?

01:35:03.000 Is it performance enhancing?

01:35:04.000 Does it draw the line of some drugs or what?

01:35:05.000 If it works at all, it's performance enhancing.

01:35:07.000 If it works at all, it's not natural.

01:35:09.000 It's so strange what arbitrary line in the sand we draw as to what is a vitamin, what is an athletic supplement, and what is performance enhancing.

01:35:18.000 At what level does it get? 0.99

01:35:20.000 Because all that shit is performance enhancing. 1.00

01:35:22.000 Goddamn vitamins are performance enhancing. 1.00

01:35:24.000 It's like a headache tablet because you've got a headache before a fight. 0.98

01:35:26.000 It's performance enhancing.

01:35:27.000 It's going to enhance your performance.

01:35:28.000 You know, anything can be constricted as performance enhancing.

01:35:32.000 Vitamins are.

01:35:33.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:35:33.000 I mean, if you're eating regular food and you're getting a certain amount of nutrients from food, and then on top of that, you're force-feeding yourself massive doses of vitamins, B12 and fucking... 0.97

01:35:44.000 Guess what? 0.96

01:35:45.000 That's performance enhancing.

01:35:46.000 I completely think it should be legal, and I think it's very healthy for you, and it's very beneficial for your body, and I'm not...

01:35:52.000 And that's saying that athletes shouldn't take it.

01:35:54.000 I'm saying, where does that line get drawn?

01:35:57.000 What do you think about...

01:35:59.000 Here's a perfect example, and I wanted to talk to you about this coming on the show.

01:36:02.000 Because you don't have a horse in this game.

01:36:04.000 What do you think about this whole testosterone replacement therapy thing?

01:36:06.000 What's going on with Nate Marquardt and all these other fighters?

01:36:09.000 That's a tricky little thing, isn't it?

01:36:11.000 It's difficult.

01:36:13.000 If you've got a testosterone depletion in your body and you need to take the drugs to boost your levels up to that of a normal person or that of the person you're competing against...

01:36:21.000 Listen though, Keith Kaiser, who I've had my problems with in the past, the head of the Nevada State Athletic Commission, took a very strong stance on this and I support him.

01:36:28.000 And one of the reasons why I support him is he won't allow testosterone replacement therapy for people who have tested positive for steroids before.

01:36:35.000 And you know why? 0.99

01:36:37.000 Because people that test positive for steroids, you ruin your fucking body when you take steroids and your nuts don't work anymore. 0.99

01:36:43.000 And that's what's going on. 1.00

01:36:43.000 Nuts fucking atrophy, right? 1.00

01:36:44.000 Right, right. 1.00

01:36:44.000 And shrink. 1.00

01:36:45.000 And if you cheek, your clip becomes like a dick. 0.99

01:36:47.000 And I see his argument in that there shouldn't be, as far as you want to compete as an athlete, when you've ruined your body from cheating. 0.98

01:36:57.000 You know, there is a strong moral statement to be made there that I do see that point.

01:37:06.000 I'm not necessarily sure that I agree with it, because I think you should be allowed to make mistakes in the past, and I know how much performance-enhancing effect a cycle that you did six years ago is gonna have on today, and it's nothing.

01:37:16.000 You might have damaged your body, but it doesn't mean that you shouldn't be able to stand up as an athlete to perform.

01:37:21.000 But I think you probably should have to do some sort of public relationship, explaining, and maybe perhaps letting people know, hey, please don't do steroids, because my balls don't work anymore. 1.00

01:37:32.000 You know what I mean?

01:37:33.000 You wanna compete as an athlete?

01:37:34.000 And they should be much more stringent in your testing.

01:37:38.000 With your testing, they've got to watch you all year round.

01:37:41.000 They can't just, because guys will get super juiced, and then they level off right before they get on the scale.

01:37:47.000 They cycle, and then they hide it.

01:37:49.000 There's these masking factors you can use to hide it.

01:37:51.000 The way you can't beat it, I believe, I'm not sure, maybe someone can tell us, is blood testing.

01:37:55.000 Blood testing, you can even detect human growth hormone, which they're not doing in Nevada.

01:38:00.000 They're not doing blood testing.

01:38:01.000 Blood testing is a way around a lot of this.

01:38:03.000 And they recently got criticized by some anti-doping organization was talking about what the Nevada State Athletic Commission is doing.

01:38:11.000 And they're saying there's two reasons why their system is very ineffective.

01:38:14.000 And they're doing their best.

01:38:15.000 But the two reasons are, one, they're doing just urine testing, which just doesn't show enough.

01:38:20.000 It's the easiest thing to cheat, man.

01:38:21.000 I've heard so many stories of so many fighters and how they've cheated urine tests.

01:38:24.000 Well, how about dudes who show up with non-human piss? 0.86

01:38:26.000 Like Kevin Randleman had some non-human piss. 0.95

01:38:28.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.97

01:38:29.000 He's like, got some possum piss.

01:38:30.000 Dude. 1.00

01:38:31.000 Guys in Japan that have used fake penises. 0.99

01:38:33.000 So, you know, the commission guys standing next to them are here in America. 1.00

01:38:36.000 And they've got a fake fucking plastic dick that actually has someone else's piss in it. 1.00

01:38:40.000 So they're squeezing out of the dick someone else's piss that's clean, obviously. 1.00

01:38:43.000 Yeah, it's a urine whizzenator, I think. 1.00

01:38:45.000 It's not like the commission's going to go and touch their dick and check it's for real, you know? 1.00

01:38:47.000 It looks like a penis. 1.00

01:38:49.000 Yeah, it's hard to figure out. 0.99

01:38:50.000 So they have to stand, like, right over you. 1.00

01:38:52.000 So I guess these guys have to just get that pissing with the fake dick down. 1.00

01:38:57.000 They've got to get really good at it, you know? 1.00

01:38:59.000 Yeah, but there's ways that people mask it. 1.00

01:39:00.000 If a guy's not shy, though, he can go, let me see your dick. 1.00

01:39:03.000 Let me see it. 1.00

01:39:03.000 Let me touch it. 1.00

01:39:04.000 Pull the foreskin back. 1.00

01:39:06.000 That's a fake dick. 1.00

01:39:07.000 That's a fake dick. 1.00

01:39:09.000 I'm going to pull on it real quick. 1.00

01:39:14.000 We're shaking it in front of him like a jellyfish. 1.00

01:39:16.000 You motherfucker. 1.00

01:39:16.000 This is a fake dick. 1.00

01:39:18.000 How prevalent do you think growth is in the sport? 1.00

01:39:19.000 Huge.

01:39:20.000 I think so too.

01:39:21.000 And, you know, there's been a few controversies.

01:39:23.000 There was a, you know, well, I shouldn't talk about that.

01:39:26.000 Look, here's the bottom line. 0.97

01:39:29.000 Anything that helps you, anything that makes your body perform better, for sure someone who's living is stepping into a goddamn cage and throwing their bones at somebody. 0.96

01:39:39.000 And the only exceptions are going to be someone who's an elite athlete who doesn't need it. 0.92

01:39:43.000 There's a lot of guys who don't need anything.

01:39:45.000 Young guys who are recovering at a high level still and they don't need it.

01:39:49.000 They're just high nutrition and taking care of their body.

01:39:52.000 Older athletes, man, when you get into guys that are in their late 30s, you see a guy like Bernard Hopkins.

01:39:59.000 Look, I am not going to cast any speculation as to what Bernard Hopkins is taking or not taking.

01:40:04.000 I'm a Bernard Hopkins fan.

01:40:05.000 I'm a fan of his technique, of his heart as a boxer.

01:40:08.000 But that said, isn't he like 46 years old?

01:40:12.000 46, and he just beat Pascal for the light heavyweight belt, right?

01:40:16.000 Was it light heavyweight he fought at?

01:40:18.000 The thing that other people don't realize, too, is that guys aren't taking growth hormone just to get big.

01:40:22.000 That's what the common perception is.

01:40:23.000 They want to get big and get strong.

01:40:24.000 It's recovery.

01:40:25.000 Recovery time for their body.

01:40:26.000 And there's a lot of singers that take it, too.

01:40:27.000 I know of a lot of famous singers and actors that are getting on in years, especially singers that have to go under the duress of doing a lot of concerts on the road, high-intensity style of living, to take growth hormone just to keep young, just to maintain a youthful look and be able to recover the stress they put on their bodies.

01:40:46.000 It's not just strictly limited to athletes.

01:40:47.000 Yeah, but the athletes for sure are the ones who are going to need it because they're the ones who are worried about their actual physical health when it comes to competing.

01:40:54.000 They're the ones who are really going to need it and really going to want it.

01:40:57.000 And I always stress this, stopping steroids or stopping any of this is a finger in a dam that is eventually coming down because of science.

01:41:08.000 There's going to be a large scale ability to manipulate your own genetics.

01:41:14.000 It's just eventual.

01:41:16.000 It's going to happen.

01:41:17.000 There's no doubt about it.

01:41:18.000 They're looking into all sorts of artificial organs and recreating organs in labs and they've been successful in doing this.

01:41:27.000 We're successful in transplanting these and they're working on manipulating the human body at a very high level and they're not going to stop.

01:41:35.000 So it's eventually going to keep going in the same direction it's going and one of the directions is of course performance enhancing drugs, anti-aging drugs, Things that make people younger.

01:41:44.000 They've already discovered all sorts of different ways to manipulate the genetics to make, you know, mice stronger.

01:41:49.000 You know, those things called myostatin inhibitors that they've done with mice.

01:41:52.000 And there's photos of whippet dogs.

01:41:55.000 And apparently whippet dogs are more susceptible to this because of the way they breed them.

01:41:58.000 And that, you know, if they breed them incorrectly, if there's some sort of a mistake in the pairing or whatever, One of the offshoots, one of the fuck-ups is this lack of myostatin inhibitors.

01:42:08.000 And these whippets are giant, super-muscled dogs that don't even look real. 0.79

01:42:13.000 They're going to be able to do that to people, man.

01:42:15.000 Man, how fast we've become, man. 0.98

01:42:16.000 Can you imagine being alive in the 13th or 14th century when they had no fucking medicine like we have now? 0.99

01:42:22.000 When the surgical tools were fucking knives and... 0.99

01:42:26.000 Hacksaws and shit like that. 0.99

01:42:28.000 You couldn't take a painkiller, a headache tablet, nothing like that. 0.99

01:42:32.000 I was just in Hawaii and I was reading about the great history of Hawaii and what happened and how it became an American state and all the whole deal.

01:42:39.000 And one of the things was about how when white people first came over to Hawaii, one-fifth of the population died from disease.

01:42:47.000 Really?

01:42:47.000 One-fifth.

01:42:48.000 Could you imagine...

01:42:50.000 And that's incredible, man.

01:42:51.000 That's just from that.

01:42:52.000 20% of your population just...

01:42:53.000 And what's that?

01:42:54.000 A couple hundred years ago? 1.00

01:42:55.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:42:55.000 You know, I mean, that's the amazing thing about it. 1.00

01:42:57.000 It's just a few hundred years ago.

01:42:59.000 But we were talking about that earlier on. 0.97

01:43:00.000 You know, like that downscaling of humanity from you go back 5,000 years ago and the ancient Greeks and the Egyptians and the ancient Romans just were so fucking intelligent, man. 0.93

01:43:11.000 We're mapping constellations. 0.74

01:43:13.000 We're mapping countries.

01:43:14.000 We're, you know, building machines back then that all of a sudden in the Dark Ages...

01:43:19.000 It just all disappeared. 0.86

01:43:20.000 Everything just fucking went downhill in a big way. 0.84

01:43:23.000 People are so flawed that as high as the heights can reach, there's always going to be a potential for a regress. 0.98

01:43:31.000 There's always like the tide comes in and it goes out. 0.99

01:43:34.000 And I think it's always moving forward, but there's always a potential for a Michelle Bachman-type presidential situation and religious fanaticism overcomes the earth and fucking... 1.00

01:43:45.000 Nuclear war. 0.98

01:43:46.000 There's always a potential for that.

01:43:47.000 And then there must be a rebuild.

01:43:49.000 Like, it will always move towards the positive and towards the more comprehensive and more evolved, but there's always the potential for relapses.

01:43:59.000 You're going to wonder, too, like, the Dogon tribe, I think they're called in Africa, these guys were fucking, thousands of you go, mapping out constellations. 0.99

01:44:07.000 Like a fucking tribe in Africa. 1.00

01:44:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:44:08.000 Were there the guys who thought they were from Mars? 1.00

01:44:10.000 I think so, yeah.

01:44:11.000 Or visited from people that took them in crafts that could show them constellations. 0.95

01:44:15.000 You ever get behind that Mars theory shit and start looking at some of the things that people have seen? 0.93

01:44:20.000 I love reading that sort of stuff about that. 0.99

01:44:22.000 I love David Eick, one of my favorite authors, to read that sort of shit, but I keep an open mind. 0.98

01:44:26.000 There's a stone right down the street from my house. 0.97

01:44:29.000 When we're driving back, I'm going to point this out to you because it's a fascinating stone.

01:44:32.000 It's just a rock, man.

01:44:34.000 It's just a rock that's sitting there, but it looks like it was cut square.

01:44:37.000 It's not totally square.

01:44:38.000 But it just randomly turned out to be this rock, the way it's shaped.

01:44:43.000 And if you didn't know any better, or if you had a satellite and you were looking from Mars, you know, and you were studying Earth and you saw that rock, you'd be like, look, this is proof.

01:44:52.000 This is proof that intelligent life has created this rock.

01:44:55.000 But no, it's just a rock.

01:44:56.000 Dude, it comes again from people will believe what they want to believe.

01:44:59.000 When I was in Italy just a few weeks ago, I went to my sister's wedding down in this mountain town where she lives in southern Italy.

01:45:04.000 Town's got like 900 people in it.

01:45:06.000 And it's nothing in the town. 1.00

01:45:07.000 There's one fucking bar. 1.00

01:45:09.000 It's old. 1.00

01:45:09.000 Hundreds of years old. 1.00

01:45:10.000 George Clooney and the Americans.

01:45:11.000 Yeah, it's like nothing there, man.

01:45:13.000 Nothing there. 0.99

01:45:14.000 It's just this fucking old town up in the top of a mountain. 0.99

01:45:17.000 But this town has this window. 0.99

01:45:19.000 And as soon as we got there, this old dude's like, I've got to show you the window of the Madonna.

01:45:24.000 The window of the Madonna.

01:45:25.000 It's so famous.

01:45:25.000 The Pope came here to our town, you know, years and years and years ago.

01:45:28.000 He fucked a boy right in front of this window. 1.00

01:45:30.000 And checked it out. 1.00

01:45:31.000 So I'm like, okay.

01:45:32.000 Takes behind this little alleyway.

01:45:34.000 Takes Irene and I behind this alleyway. 0.99

01:45:35.000 And like a little fucking window. 0.98

01:45:37.000 And he's like, look, you see the Madonna. 0.99

01:45:40.000 What?

01:45:40.000 What are you talking about?

01:45:41.000 Because the second window across right on the end there, the Madonna, there was this oil stain on the window, like fucking someone throwing cooking oil on the window, that if you sort of looked at it and you had that picture in your mind that someone's telling you it looks like the Madonna, like the Virgin Mary, you think, yeah, okay, it looks maybe like a chick holding a baby. 0.74

01:45:59.000 It's like, oh, this is their big thing.

01:46:01.000 The Virgin Mary holding the baby, the Madonna, a sign on the window. 0.98

01:46:04.000 And for some reason, this fucking villager has managed to keep this oil stain on his window for like the past 30 years. 0.99

01:46:12.000 That's amazing. 0.99

01:46:13.000 Like, yeah. 1.00

01:46:14.000 To me, I'm looking at a guy, it's a fucking... 0.99

01:46:17.000 Oil stain, but people want to see what they want to see. 0.99

01:46:19.000 People want to see, oh, it's the Virgin Mary. 0.99

01:46:21.000 People go there and fucking pray to it. 0.99

01:46:23.000 The Pope apparently rocked up at this village fucking years ago, and yeah, okay, cool. 0.99

01:46:27.000 Listen, man, there's a broad spectrum of human beings. 0.99

01:46:30.000 And there's some dummies out there, man. 0.93

01:46:32.000 And that's an intelligent test. 0.86

01:46:34.000 That's what that oil painting is, man, or that oil stain is.

01:46:37.000 It's an intelligence test.

01:46:39.000 And there's going to be a lot of people that fail that test.

01:46:41.000 That's just the way it is.

01:46:42.000 It's unfortunate. 0.98

01:46:43.000 And I don't see any way around it until we figure out a way to have, like, super intelligent robots that do all the menial tasks that we need really dumb people. 0.98

01:46:52.000 And when we do have that happen, then it's going to be even more of a problem because it's going to be some sort of a weird, bizarre welfare state where we're going to have to take care of all these morons that we had given shitty jobs before because they really don't have anything to contribute. 0.97

01:47:06.000 We can ship them to Tasmania. 0.98

01:47:07.000 Ship them to Tasmania.

01:47:09.000 We've got to fix it.

01:47:09.000 You can't just do that.

01:47:10.000 You can't export. 0.99

01:47:11.000 As our society becomes more and more self-sufficient and more and more reliant on computers, and then we don't need people to do mundane, retard tasks, what the fuck, man? 1.00

01:47:22.000 We're going to have to... 0.99

01:47:23.000 Figure out some...

01:47:24.000 There's going to be some sort of an adjustment period where there's chaos. 1.00

01:47:27.000 Where the morons, you know, want their rights. 1.00

01:47:30.000 You know, it's going to be some plan on the age shit. 1.00

01:47:32.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:47:33.000 For real, man.

01:47:34.000 I mean, look, you can't turn a group of people into little babies that always need their daddy and then just cast them loose in the woods and say, sorry, no more daddy.

01:47:43.000 You know, because that daddy, they're going to hate that daddy.

01:47:46.000 They're going to come back and they're going to want revenge.

01:47:48.000 Yeah.

01:47:48.000 You know, and there's a lot of people out there that believe that they're guaranteed jobs.

01:47:52.000 And that's what, you know, politicians always talk about.

01:47:54.000 We're going to create jobs.

01:47:55.000 Yes!

01:47:56.000 Give me a job. 1.00

01:47:57.000 You owe me a fucking job. 1.00

01:47:59.000 You know, that's the point of this whole idea of everyone working together is that everyone has something to contribute. 1.00

01:48:05.000 But the reality is the way the system is set up. 0.88

01:48:08.000 There's a huge chunk of people that don't have anything to contribute, so they have to find some way to plug themselves into the bureaucracy, plug themselves into this complicated economic situation, and that just defeats the whole fucking purpose of the machine.

01:48:23.000 The whole purpose of the machine is everybody's got a little piece to play, everybody's got a little thing to do.

01:48:28.000 This place is...

01:48:29.000 We're in such a weird state as far as the evolution of society.

01:48:33.000 We're just getting past the need for that. 0.99

01:48:36.000 And when we do, what the fuck, man? 0.99

01:48:38.000 What are those poor people going to do? 0.99

01:48:39.000 That's why the elites want to drop everybody down to 500,000 people.

01:48:42.000 If you talk to Alex Jones, that's what he'll say.

01:48:44.000 The New World Order.

01:48:45.000 The New World Order.

01:48:46.000 They're going to drop everybody down to 500,000 people and then they're going to work with it from there.

01:48:54.000 What do you think?

01:48:55.000 Worldwide, I don't think that's enough.

01:48:56.000 Worldwide, 500,000 people.

01:48:57.000 Yeah, I don't think that's enough.

01:48:58.000 That's not enough people, man.

01:48:59.000 Yeah, that's not enough.

01:49:00.000 Not for all that.

01:49:01.000 No, not enough at all.

01:49:02.000 Cities would just close down.

01:49:04.000 What do you have, like two people?

01:49:05.000 Ten people per city?

01:49:07.000 The idea is if you could kill most people and then rock all the resources in the world and have life extension.

01:49:13.000 And that's the idea, that you would have some incredible ability to stay alive forever, and, you know, if you did have, like, some crazy, like, super technical life, Aubrey de Grey, life extension technology that only the elites had a hold of, and you could live to be a thousand years old, well then, you know, you could have, like, harems and shit, and if there's only 500,000 people on the earth, you could rock it just like a king. 0.98

01:49:35.000 But then who does all the shit work? 0.95

01:49:36.000 You have robots to do. 1.00

01:49:37.000 Oh, the robots are doing all the shit jobs. 1.00

01:49:39.000 Robots do all the shit jobs. 1.00

01:49:40.000 There's only 500,000 people, and you just fuck everyone. 1.00

01:49:43.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:49:43.000 And you live forever. 1.00

01:49:44.000 So polygamy just running wild.

01:49:45.000 Oh, yeah, Caligula-style, bro. 1.00

01:49:47.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

01:49:47.000 That's probably the future. 1.00

01:49:48.000 That's what everyone's scared of, right?

01:49:50.000 When they talk about the apocalypse, and it's always talks of gluttony.

01:49:54.000 I mean, every story is the same.

01:49:56.000 Every story is like the fall of Rome when it's told to us.

01:50:00.000 It's always the same thing. 1.00

01:50:01.000 They're fucking little boys and drinking and Vomitoriums where they throw up and go right back in to eat again. 1.00

01:50:06.000 And they were out of control. 1.00

01:50:08.000 And then they fell apart. 1.00

01:50:09.000 It's always the same goddamn story. 0.99

01:50:11.000 And if that is the same story, what the fuck are we doing right now? 0.99

01:50:14.000 We've got to pay attention. 0.98

01:50:15.000 Pay attention to what we're doing. 0.99

01:50:17.000 We're in wars all over the fucking planet. 0.99

01:50:19.000 We're involved in all sorts of fucking filth and craziness and the way we're polluting the environment and fucking devastating world economies and fucking people over in third world countries and providing with loans they can never pay back and then jacking all their resources. 1.00

01:50:33.000 I mean, it's, you know, it's one case after the other to show that this is happening right now. 0.99

01:50:38.000 Do you think back in those old days when they were raping and pillaging, they'd rape first then pillage? 0.93

01:50:41.000 Or would you pillage first, then rape? 0.99

01:50:44.000 It's a combo package. 1.00

01:50:45.000 You reckon to get your jollies off first and then pillage for all the golden shit? 1.00

01:50:49.000 Or do you go fucking take all the golden shit and now I'm going to rape a woman? 1.00

01:50:52.000 I think half the fun of the rape is you rape in front of everybody while you're pillaging because you just show you're such a wild fuck. 1.00

01:50:58.000 So you're in the room raping and the dude's just fucking stealing shit. 1.00

01:51:01.000 Not in the room. 1.00

01:51:01.000 You're on the streets. 1.00

01:51:01.000 Oh, you're raping in the street? 1.00

01:51:02.000 You're raping everywhere. 1.00

01:51:03.000 No comfort raping? 1.00

01:51:04.000 Roman days, bro? 0.99

01:51:05.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:51:05.000 There was no comfort raping. 0.98

01:51:06.000 Raping? 0.99

01:51:07.000 No bed raping? 1.00

01:51:08.000 Just like fucking throw down on the... 1.00

01:51:10.000 Just logs and rocks and shit. 1.00

01:51:11.000 Coliseum here. 0.99

01:51:11.000 You don't care if it feels good for her. 0.99

01:51:12.000 As long as it feels good for you. 0.99

01:51:14.000 Yeah, they're just savages. 0.99

01:51:15.000 You don't hear much about rape these days, which I'm glad. 0.98

01:51:16.000 I mean, you don't hear much about rape.

01:51:18.000 Really?

01:51:19.000 You're good on the internet.

01:51:19.000 No, man.

01:51:20.000 But in Australia, rape's a crime that seemed to be trendy for criminals in the 80s and early 90s, but not many rapists these days.

01:51:27.000 Well, you know what Australia wised up and did? 0.56

01:51:29.000 Legalize prostitution.

01:51:30.000 Yeah, that's true.

01:51:31.000 Actually, that's a good point.

01:51:32.000 I forget you guys don't have that a lot here. 0.97

01:51:34.000 There's a big goddamn difference. 1.00

01:51:35.000 And even if you don't want sex, you just want to go somewhere and get jerked off. 1.00

01:51:39.000 In Australia, that is completely... 1.00

01:51:40.000 You can go drink your lunch break and get a 15-minute handjob for like 40 bucks at a brothel if you find one, you know? 1.00

01:51:45.000 There's plenty around.

01:51:46.000 And it's clean, and that's a wrap. 1.00

01:51:48.000 It's just a hand on your cock, just a nice little massage. 1.00

01:51:50.000 What's the big deal about a hand on the fucking cock? 1.00

01:51:53.000 Exactly. 1.00

01:51:54.000 What's the big fucking deal? 1.00

01:51:56.000 If you're working with some chick and you say to her, listen, give me a fucking toss in the toilet cubicle, what's the big deal of a chick putting her hand in her cock and just jerking you? 1.00

01:52:03.000 If it was only that. 1.00

01:52:06.000 But they're worried that you're going to leave and become in a relationship with this woman who's really good at jerking you off and then you're going to leave. 0.99

01:52:13.000 That's what it's set up for. 0.99

01:52:14.000 If a business has employed a professional handjob artist to come in and service dudes during their lunch break? 1.00

01:52:19.000 Just fucking... 1.00

01:52:20.000 There you go. 1.00

01:52:21.000 Next.

01:52:22.000 Relax for the afternoon.

01:52:23.000 Ready to go.

01:52:24.000 It's set up to keep the family.

01:52:25.000 It's set up to make sure that there's no threats to the family. 0.99

01:52:29.000 And one of the threats to the family unit is the man getting pussy in other places. 0.99

01:52:34.000 And he's like... 1.00

01:52:35.000 I'm married to this bitch. 1.00

01:52:36.000 Why am I supporting this system? 1.00

01:52:37.000 And that man will not pay as many taxes.

01:52:40.000 He won't be as successful.

01:52:41.000 The money will go to the woman and it gets distributed totally differently. 0.99

01:52:45.000 There's benefit in the man being involved in the family.

01:52:48.000 There's benefit for a society.

01:52:50.000 If you go back to Rome, the way they mapped out how society should be, one of the things was to connect people with families.

01:52:57.000 That way men can be trusted and become reliable. 1.00

01:53:00.000 When men are single and they don't have their own children, they don't have a dog or a plant, they're just wild fuck machines. 0.99

01:53:07.000 The male goal is to just fly to different spots all over the planet, shoot loads, and get out of there until they have responsibility. 0.99

01:53:15.000 So it's very difficult to collect the appropriate amount of taxes and to be able to control that man.

01:53:22.000 It's very hard to control the wild single man.

01:53:24.000 That's why nobody wants a single president. 0.92

01:53:27.000 We've got one.

01:53:28.000 Do you really?

01:53:29.000 Australian Prime Minister.

01:53:30.000 Julia Gillard's not married.

01:53:31.000 Is it a girl?

01:53:32.000 Yeah, Julia Gillard. 1.00

01:53:33.000 She's probably eating pussy like a champ. 1.00

01:53:35.000 She's probably out there choking bitches and eating her assholes. 1.00

01:53:37.000 She'd have a hairy red-headed pussy too. 1.00

01:53:39.000 Fire pussy. 1.00

01:53:40.000 Is she gay? 1.00

01:53:41.000 No, no, no.

01:53:42.000 Well, no, apparently not.

01:53:43.000 She has a boyfriend.

01:53:44.000 I forget his name.

01:53:45.000 A partner.

01:53:46.000 She's not married.

01:53:47.000 No kids.

01:53:47.000 Not married.

01:53:48.000 Good for her.

01:53:48.000 Yeah, Julia Gillard.

01:53:50.000 Well, look, it takes every kind of people to make this crazy world go round.

01:53:53.000 Maybe that's what it works when you don't have an army. 1.00

01:53:55.000 But in America, we would never tolerate that shit. 1.00

01:53:56.000 I'll just tell you that right now. 1.00

01:53:58.000 Maybe...

01:53:58.000 I mean, do you have an army in Australia?

01:53:59.000 You must.

01:54:00.000 I'm just kidding.

01:54:00.000 We've got an army.

01:54:01.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:54:02.000 Australia, our specialty is like our special ops.

01:54:04.000 And even the Americans will tell you that.

01:54:06.000 It's like the Aussie guys are known for, let's say, Afghanistan.

01:54:09.000 They send our guys in first.

01:54:10.000 They're like scouts, reconnaissance.

01:54:12.000 Right. 1.00

01:54:12.000 And we check out the fucking scene and scope it out. 1.00

01:54:14.000 And then the Americans and everyone goes in. 1.00

01:54:16.000 But that's what the Aussies are specialty at, is that fucking going in first... 1.00

01:54:19.000 Scoping out the fucking place. 1.00

01:54:20.000 Sort of like Crocodile Dundee could get really close to the enemy's camp and they wouldn't even know he was in the woods. 1.00

01:54:25.000 Right?

01:54:25.000 Yeah, Aussies are great.

01:54:26.000 Our special forces, I think it's called SAG. Special arm.

01:54:30.000 So you have the sneakiest special forces. 1.00

01:54:32.000 Yeah, we're the sneaky little fuckers. 1.00

01:54:33.000 We go in early, we scope the fucking shit out. 1.00

01:54:35.000 Then it's like, call in the Americans! 1.00

01:54:37.000 Bomb the joint! 1.00

01:54:38.000 Alright, you guys come in and fucking... 1.00

01:54:39.000 Yeah, what a convenient relationship that we have then. 1.00

01:54:42.000 But yeah, we're in the first.

01:54:44.000 We're always in the first.

01:54:45.000 So you do have an army and a woman president. 1.00

01:54:48.000 Female Prime Minister? 1.00

01:54:49.000 Because we use the British legal system.

01:54:51.000 There's people that think that could work here.

01:54:53.000 This is the next wave.

01:54:54.000 This Michelle Bachman wave and this Sarah Palin wave.

01:54:57.000 And here's what's interesting about it, if you don't know. 0.98

01:54:59.000 Michelle Bachman is married, first of all, to a gay guy. 0.97

01:55:02.000 She's married to a wildly gay character who operates a pray-the-gay-away clinic. 0.99

01:55:10.000 Pray-the-gay-away? 1.00

01:55:11.000 Oh, one of those people who tries to pray the gay out of people. 1.00

01:55:12.000 Not only that, I believe they take tax money for these fucking clinics. 1.00

01:55:16.000 They're allowed to... 1.00

01:55:18.000 Somehow or another, at least this has been told to me on Twitter.

01:55:20.000 I shouldn't even repeat it until I look into it.

01:55:23.000 But from what I understand, they operate on some sort of tax money.

01:55:28.000 Somehow or another, they operate on taxes.

01:55:30.000 I need to look into it to find out it's true. 1.00

01:55:31.000 But what is true, for sure, whether that guy knows it or not, he's gay as fuck. 1.00

01:55:36.000 He is gay as Ricky Martin in an airport hangar full of dicks. 1.00

01:55:41.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:55:42.000 This guy's gay. 1.00

01:55:43.000 This guy's gay. 0.98

01:55:44.000 He might not know it, but the way he walks, the way he talks. 0.99

01:55:47.000 And he was talking about gay people being barbarians. 0.99

01:55:51.000 He called them barbarians. 0.99

01:55:52.000 And so all these gay dudes dressed up as barbarians and went to his clinic. 1.00

01:55:58.000 And there's a YouTube video. 0.86

01:55:59.000 I tweeted it a few days ago.

01:56:01.000 There's a YouTube video of these guys.

01:56:02.000 And the guy sent me a thing like, thanks for tweeting it.

01:56:06.000 And I go, dude, is that you? 0.99

01:56:07.000 You're a fucking hero. 1.00

01:56:08.000 They showed up at this guy's clinic, and then they start acting like barbarians. 1.00

01:56:14.000 And they're wearing really campy barbarian outfits.

01:56:17.000 And then at the end, they take a photo, and the guy's name is Marcus Bachman.

01:56:22.000 And all together they go, Marcus, what's in your closet?

01:56:25.000 Oh, no. 0.96

01:56:26.000 I mean, it's just, it's so ridiculous. 0.96

01:56:28.000 They throw glitter on, like, Newt Gingrich. 0.97

01:56:31.000 They throw glitter on Michelle Bachman, like, to, you know, to, like, you know, let them, make them, make them, force them to stay aware of, you know, gay rights and gay needs. 0.91

01:56:41.000 Who do you think's gay, Elton John or Ricky Martin? 0.58

01:56:44.000 I think they're probably equally gay. 0.99

01:56:46.000 More Elton John because he's been around back when there was no internet and you could just go crazy, freak, orgy, gay with crazy sunglasses on. 1.00

01:56:55.000 Do you reckon he gives it or receives it? 0.98

01:56:57.000 Elton John gives it, I would say.

01:56:58.000 Do you reckon Elton's a giver?

01:56:59.000 Except head.

01:57:00.000 I think he receives the head. 1.00

01:57:02.000 But gives the fucking up the cool up the ass. 1.00

01:57:05.000 And Ricky? 1.00

01:57:06.000 I say both.

01:57:08.000 He does whatever.

01:57:08.000 Double Adepta, really?

01:57:09.000 Yeah, he's fucking moving around. 0.99

01:57:11.000 He's moving and shaking. 0.99

01:57:12.000 He's not adverse to any kind of experiences.

01:57:14.000 Hey, you say, oh, but you know what?

01:57:17.000 If you were gay, you would say, oh, the other way. 0.99

01:57:19.000 I have a friend who's gay. 0.99

01:57:19.000 It's a comic. 0.99

01:57:21.000 And he said, first time I saw a pussy, I was like, ew, when's it going to heal? 1.00

01:57:26.000 We said the same when we were young. 1.00

01:57:28.000 We're talking about a chick's pussy. 1.00

01:57:30.000 It's like, show us where the X hit you. 1.00

01:57:32.000 I heard that as well.

01:57:33.000 Gash. 0.84

01:57:34.000 When I was very young, but I didn't remember it.

01:57:35.000 Show us where the ex hit you.

01:57:37.000 Yeah.

01:57:37.000 Oh, man.

01:57:38.000 Why did I ask you that?

01:57:40.000 Elton John and Ricky Martin.

01:57:41.000 Yeah, man.

01:57:41.000 Why did you ask me that?

01:57:42.000 That's because you're used to doing that.

01:57:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:57:44.000 With that whole fucking voice verses. 1.00

01:57:47.000 You always have two questions. 1.00

01:57:48.000 I'm used to the quirky questions.

01:57:49.000 To throw people off.

01:57:51.000 See, with Elton John, it'd be a knockout, chokeout, wedgie, or head job of another guy.

01:57:55.000 Not the bowl of fried shrimp.

01:57:56.000 Yeah, Elton John's been around for a long-ass time, dude.

01:57:58.000 He had some killer hits, though. 0.99

01:58:00.000 Dude, fucking hell. 1.00

01:58:01.000 He had a weird relationship, too. 1.00

01:58:03.000 Like, one guy would write the song.

01:58:05.000 Yeah, Bernie Taubman would write the songs, and Elton would sing them, and Elton plays the piano. 0.99

01:58:09.000 Fucking genius artist, though. 0.98

01:58:10.000 Yeah, genius artist. 1.00

01:58:11.000 Genius fucking artist. 1.00

01:58:12.000 There's something... 1.00

01:58:12.000 I really appreciate a guy who writes and produces all of his own shit. 1.00

01:58:17.000 For whatever reason, it's like... 0.99

01:58:19.000 Like a comic.

01:58:20.000 If I find out that a comic has joke writers, I don't like him as much as a comic that doesn't have joke writers.

01:58:25.000 And for whatever reason, man, it's the same thing.

01:58:27.000 I know that Elton John's brilliant, and I love his songs, but I would like him more if he wrote them.

01:58:32.000 You know what I mean?

01:58:33.000 Does that make sense?

01:58:34.000 Are you still into country music? 1.00

01:58:35.000 Because last time we did the voice verses, you were all getting up country music and shit, man. 0.98

01:58:38.000 I like Dwight Yoakam. 0.98

01:58:39.000 I like some country music.

01:58:40.000 And I like some music that you wouldn't consider country.

01:58:43.000 I like Leonard Skinner, which is really like southern rock.

01:58:46.000 There's a lot of country in southern rock.

01:58:48.000 There's a song called The Ballad of Curtis Lowe. 0.99

01:58:50.000 That's a goddamn country song. 0.99

01:58:52.000 It's a great song. 1.00

01:58:53.000 But there's a lot of...

01:58:55.000 It's a style of American music that I don't think gets enough respect.

01:59:00.000 There's some jamming country songs. 0.98

01:59:01.000 Sorry, going back to gay people. 1.00

01:59:03.000 Apparently, mixed martial arts has a huge gay following. 0.95

01:59:06.000 Of course. 0.97

01:59:06.000 Huge gay following. 0.97

01:59:07.000 Men with perfect bodies that get on top of other men.

01:59:10.000 I was talking to Andrew Simon, the CEO of HDNet, a couple of days ago, and we'll talk about ratings and demographic of viewers and that. 0.71

01:59:16.000 He's like huge gay viewership. 0.89

01:59:18.000 Of course. 0.98

01:59:19.000 Huge gay viewership. 0.83

01:59:20.000 Yeah, I would imagine.

01:59:20.000 Yeah.

01:59:21.000 I would imagine. 0.98

01:59:21.000 Especially ones like brutes. 0.98

01:59:23.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:59:24.000 Can you imagine a gay girl getting a bone over Brock Lesnar? 1.00

01:59:27.000 I've seen gay couples at fights before. 0.97

01:59:30.000 Oh, really? 0.57

01:59:30.000 Yeah, for sure. 0.57

01:59:31.000 Gay couples enjoying fights. 1.00

01:59:32.000 Guys who you just know are gay. 0.99

01:59:34.000 You know? 0.51

01:59:34.000 One guy's... 0.51

01:59:35.000 Yeah.

01:59:35.000 No doubt.

01:59:36.000 No doubt.

01:59:37.000 I've seen it a bunch of times. 1.00

01:59:38.000 Would a gay guy still get the same reaction, though, if he fucked a girl in the ass? 1.00

01:59:42.000 A girl in the ass. 1.00

01:59:43.000 What do you mean? 1.00

01:59:44.000 Okay, so a gay guy will fuck another gay guy in the ass. 1.00

01:59:46.000 Right. 1.00

01:59:47.000 But would a gay guy be opposed to fucking a girl in the ass? 1.00

01:59:49.000 I mean, an ass is still an ass. 1.00

01:59:51.000 I think gay men look at women much more sexually than a straight guy could ever look at a gay man. 1.00

The Joe Rogan Experience - July 24, 2011

Joe Rogan Experience #124 - Michael Schiavello (Part 1)

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript