The Joe Rogan Experience - July 31, 2011


Joe Rogan Experience #126 - Freddy Lockhart (Part 1)


Episode Stats

Length

1 hour and 58 minutes

Words per Minute

222.94754

Word Count

26,423

Sentence Count

2,602

Misogynist Sentences

9

Hate Speech Sentences

14


Summary

In this episode of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast, the boys talk about the recent car crash that killed a man on a mountain road in California, and how stupid people are for being on their phones while driving. They also talk about what it's like to drive a Lamborghini and how much money it takes to buy a car like that. Joe also talks about how he almost died in a car accident and how he got rid of a car that cost him a quarter of a million dollars and is now worth a lot more than he ever thought he'd be able to afford, and why he doesn't want to get another one. They also get into the subject of texting and driving, and what happens when you ve got your phone in your ear and you ve lost your peripheral vision and you can't see anything but your hands on the steering wheel. The boys also discuss the recent death of a man who was on his phone while driving in Malibu, California and how it could have been a lot worse than it actually was, and the tragic story of a woman who died after being on her phone on the side of the road and being distracted by a passing car. Joe and the guys talk about cars and cars and other stuff like that and much more. It's a good one. Enjoy! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Art by Skynyrd. Subscribe to the pod by clicking here. Thank you for listening and Share the pod. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review and tell a friend about it on Apple Podcasts. or wherever else you re listening to this podcast and sharing it on your social media. Thank you! I'll be listening to it and spreading the word to your friends about it. XOXO, ROGAN. -Jon Sorrentino and the boys at in the pod, and we'll be looking out for you in the next episode of The Joe Rogans Podcast. Thanks for listening! -JOE Rogan Podcast -ROGAN PODCAST: is a production of , RODAN & , , and , JOSEPH SONGS, ROBERT SONS, and . JOSH MILLER, JOSH, ( )


Transcript

00:00:02.000 The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you.
00:00:05.000 You.
00:00:06.000 Wherever you are.
00:00:08.000 The treadmill.
00:00:08.000 The car.
00:00:09.000 The airport.
00:00:10.000 The bathroom.
00:00:12.000 You.
00:00:13.000 It's brought to you by the Fleshlight.
00:00:15.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for the Fleshlight, and enter in the code name ROGAN, you will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men.
00:00:24.000 And then you can shoot loads in it, knowing that you're saving money.
00:00:30.000 Freddy Lockhart is in the building.
00:00:31.000 Buckle up, bitches.
00:00:33.000 Here we go.
00:00:36.000 The guy!
00:00:37.000 I thought you were going to get the girl today.
00:00:38.000 It's for Freddy.
00:00:40.000 Oh.
00:00:40.000 Happy Sunday.
00:00:49.000 Okay.
00:00:51.000 Happy Shark Week.
00:00:52.000 Oh, yeah.
00:00:55.000 It's Shark Week every three months, man.
00:00:57.000 They're wearing that Shark Week out.
00:00:59.000 Freddie Lockhart is in the building, ladies and gentlemen.
00:01:03.000 Maybe one of the only humans that I know that says sun more than I do.
00:01:06.000 Yeah.
00:01:07.000 I say son, even when I look at the sun, son.
00:01:09.000 Yeah, I'm so bright today, son.
00:01:12.000 I say it by myself when I'm in the car.
00:01:14.000 When I see dudes on the phone, get off the phone, son.
00:01:16.000 And they get the phone up to their ear, which is illegal under California law.
00:01:20.000 I wonder how many fucking people have died directly as a result of idiots being on their phone texting and driving and talking on the phone by their ear and losing out the peripheral vision.
00:01:30.000 I bet it's staggering numbers.
00:01:32.000 It's a lot worse than I thought it was.
00:01:33.000 You know, at first I was like, oh, it's probably the worst as, like, eating or doing other things in the car, but no, there's so many times you're just at the stop, like, really, stop Facebooking, it's a green light, you know?
00:01:42.000 Yeah, there's a lot of people that just won't let that shit drop.
00:01:45.000 Yeah, I have to make a point that I was trying to send a tweet on the way here, I'm like, you know, you're winding mountain road, almost, you know, dying, just a tweet, hey!
00:01:53.000 Isn't that how they thought that Paris Hilton...
00:01:56.000 Was it Paris Hilton's plastic surgeon?
00:01:58.000 Yeah, they thought he did it, but it was just a lie.
00:02:00.000 But it sounded so good.
00:02:01.000 I don't know why they ever clarified it.
00:02:03.000 Just leave it out there.
00:02:05.000 The one who rolled over the cliff in Malibu.
00:02:06.000 Yeah, he tweeted about his dog, and then a couple seconds later died.
00:02:09.000 And they were thinking that he was tweeting while he was driving, but they don't know.
00:02:12.000 He could have been reading his tweets.
00:02:14.000 He might not have been actually driving, but how the fuck do you go off a cliff?
00:02:18.000 Especially if you had driven that cliff many a time.
00:02:20.000 It's like, I know Laurel Canyon like the back of my hand.
00:02:22.000 I can drive it close.
00:02:23.000 Unless you think you're in a goddamn Porsche commercial and you're going sideways around corners, there's this video that made me want to get a GT3. Before I got one, there's a video of a Porsche on a mountain road.
00:02:34.000 It's a GT3 on a mountain road, and it's some badass fucking rally driver, and he's on a mountain road, and it's like turning left and right, and he's going sideways around every corner.
00:02:43.000 Woo!
00:02:44.000 Just knows what the fuck he's doing, knows how to handle that thing, and it looks so much fun.
00:02:49.000 You got one?
00:02:50.000 Yeah, I got a GT3. I got rid of that Barracuda.
00:02:52.000 Oh, did you?
00:02:53.000 Yeah.
00:02:54.000 Well, you never drove it, just went out for shows all the time.
00:02:56.000 Well, I never drove it, and it went out for shows for the first six months that I had it, and then it almost killed me.
00:03:00.000 I've talked about this many times on the show, so in the interest of brevity, when I got home one day, the suspension fell off in the driveway.
00:03:09.000 The suspension detached from the frame.
00:03:11.000 And I was like, what the fuck?
00:03:12.000 That could have happened like 10 minutes ago when I was going 70 miles an hour on the highway and I'd be a dead person.
00:03:16.000 That's like a quarter million dollar car.
00:03:18.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:03:19.000 Well, it didn't cost me that much, but it's probably worth that much.
00:03:22.000 But I got rid of it.
00:03:23.000 Did you sell it on the Barrett Jacks?
00:03:24.000 No, I sold it to a dude that I know.
00:03:26.000 Oh, no, sure.
00:03:26.000 Some rich character.
00:03:28.000 Is he driving around?
00:03:29.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:03:29.000 He owns like a big Ferrari refurbishing place.
00:03:34.000 Oh, right.
00:03:34.000 And he loves cars.
00:03:35.000 He's got a hundred cars.
00:03:35.000 I remember you would show up with that every once in a while.
00:03:38.000 Yeah.
00:03:38.000 And then Fat James would go.
00:03:39.000 I think you'd pay him like a sandwich.
00:03:41.000 Yeah, I give him a hundred bucks.
00:03:43.000 I give everybody a hundred bucks to watch it.
00:03:45.000 And then one of the dudes that I gave a hundred bucks now is one of the cameramen for TMZ. So he comes down to the improv, and I'm like, what's up, dude?
00:03:54.000 And he's like, hey, remember you used to make me grow your car for a hundred dollars?
00:03:57.000 That's a terrible impression of him.
00:03:59.000 I don't know why.
00:03:59.000 You know what?
00:04:00.000 That's all he deserves.
00:04:02.000 Some guys will say that's a terrible impression.
00:04:04.000 That's all he gets.
00:04:05.000 That's all he gets.
00:04:05.000 He ain't a bad dude.
00:04:06.000 He's just a little on the shy side.
00:04:08.000 I wasn't jerking up.
00:04:11.000 I didn't say you were.
00:04:13.000 What's wrong with you?
00:04:14.000 Is he a comic?
00:04:15.000 Is he trying to be a comic?
00:04:16.000 I don't know.
00:04:17.000 He's a nice guy.
00:04:17.000 You know, I actually even lived in the same apartment.
00:04:20.000 I don't want to say lived with him.
00:04:21.000 In the same room?
00:04:22.000 Yeah, not in the same room.
00:04:24.000 I lived with him at wheels as well.
00:04:28.000 Are you and Wheels living in the same apartment sometime?
00:04:31.000 No, actually, he moved in after I moved out.
00:04:33.000 I moved to Wheels' house.
00:04:34.000 I rented a house with Wheels.
00:04:35.000 It's my house.
00:04:36.000 You can rent it.
00:04:37.000 You might have been renting somebody else's house.
00:04:39.000 You don't even know.
00:04:40.000 I was there for like a month, and then I moved into Caliendo's house, and then those guys later on, you know, they think the banks were closing.
00:04:47.000 I'm like, yeah, that's good.
00:04:48.000 What is that?
00:04:49.000 You know, he's one of those weird, weird guys.
00:04:51.000 If you don't know who we're talking about, there's this comic named Wheels.
00:04:54.000 And he used to open for Dice Clay back in the day.
00:04:56.000 And his claim to fame, we even had it on his website, was the night that Dice couldn't follow him.
00:05:00.000 He killed so hard, Dice couldn't follow him.
00:05:02.000 I mean, what the fuck are you talking about?
00:05:05.000 Like, if you've never seen Dice perform, love or hate Dice, Dice is a goddamn pro.
00:05:10.000 Yeah, nobody does it.
00:05:12.000 Nobody goes on and Dice is like, I can't do it.
00:05:14.000 Yeah, I can't follow it.
00:05:17.000 It's impossible.
00:05:18.000 It's never happened, ever.
00:05:19.000 But this dude is also like, his stories are, I don't want to call him a compulsive liar, but that's the only description that fits.
00:05:25.000 Grandiosity?
00:05:26.000 Yeah.
00:05:26.000 Well, we did the La Jolla ones, and he was like, you know, I was a professional pool player.
00:05:33.000 He's telling me he's a professional pool player.
00:05:34.000 I'm like, really?
00:05:35.000 He goes, oh yeah, I hustled.
00:05:37.000 I go, dude, I didn't know that.
00:05:39.000 I go, I've been looking for someone to play pool with.
00:05:41.000 Come on, let's play pool.
00:05:42.000 We'll play with a dollar a game.
00:05:43.000 Dude owes me like 30 bucks.
00:05:45.000 I won 30 games in a row.
00:05:46.000 I'm like, this is ridiculous.
00:05:47.000 Where were you playing pro?
00:05:48.000 Because I'm going to go over there and start robbing people.
00:05:50.000 He never got out once.
00:05:53.000 Never got out once.
00:05:54.000 I'll tell you one thing.
00:05:55.000 He's a hell of a cook, though.
00:05:56.000 Have you ever had his food?
00:05:58.000 Yes, I did.
00:05:58.000 He catered and he brought it to the Comedy Store and it was really good.
00:06:01.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:06:02.000 He's a hell of a cook.
00:06:03.000 But I don't want to believe he made it.
00:06:05.000 I want to believe that he fucking stole it from some Mexican dude.
00:06:07.000 He's got some poor guy working for it for five bucks an hour.
00:06:10.000 I didn't even think about that.
00:06:11.000 You're at Vons next time.
00:06:12.000 Yeah.
00:06:12.000 There's a lot of those guys in Hollywood, man.
00:06:16.000 You would meet a lot of guys that are just completely, totally full of shit.
00:06:19.000 But you know something?
00:06:20.000 When you're on the level, it takes me a while to figure that out.
00:06:22.000 It took me years in Hollywood to figure it out.
00:06:24.000 I'm just like, why would people lie about this?
00:06:25.000 You know?
00:06:26.000 And especially now, it's like, I have the internet.
00:06:28.000 I'm not lying.
00:06:29.000 Well, now the problem is they've established a long tradition of lying throughout their whole life.
00:06:35.000 And that shit is just the way they operate.
00:06:37.000 They subscribe to it themselves after a while, and they create this world that they want to live in.
00:06:40.000 Well, I think a lot of it is also just impulsive.
00:06:43.000 The liars that I've known, it seems like they just can't help it.
00:06:46.000 Like, they have a hard time not lying.
00:06:48.000 You know what's the weirdest?
00:06:49.000 It's successful liars.
00:06:50.000 Like, I'm not going to name any names, but there's comics in this business.
00:06:52.000 Eddie Griffiths.
00:06:53.000 Yeah, okay.
00:06:53.000 Yeah.
00:06:55.000 You're not scared.
00:06:56.000 I love Eddie Griffin.
00:06:57.000 I love Eddie Griffin.
00:06:58.000 Eddie Griffin's in the back of the comedy show once.
00:07:00.000 I went eight rounds yesterday with a world champion kickboxer.
00:07:05.000 And I'm going to tell you what, for the first three rounds, for the first three rounds, the nigga was getting the best of me.
00:07:12.000 But for the last five, he didn't want none of this.
00:07:16.000 He's got a cigarette in one hand and a drink in the other.
00:07:18.000 Meanwhile, this guy's a movie star.
00:07:20.000 He'll tell you things like, Nigga, when I was studying at Harvard and before Yale, but after Oxford and before Johns Hopkins, I said to myself, Eddie, I'm going to do some comedy.
00:07:30.000 It was like, the thing is, he was like a He's a liar movie star.
00:07:46.000 Yeah, and that's what I don't get.
00:07:47.000 You knocked it out.
00:07:49.000 You did something that.001% of people in this town do.
00:07:53.000 Congratulations.
00:07:54.000 And here you're trying to tell me that you own Coca-Cola, too?
00:07:57.000 It's like, come on!
00:07:59.000 He's so crazy.
00:07:59.000 I'm already impressed.
00:08:01.000 But that's why he's so talented.
00:08:02.000 He can just get on stage and just talk shit.
00:08:05.000 He's one of the few guys that I've ever seen that will get on stage and not have a fucking clue as to what he's going to talk about.
00:08:11.000 And he'll stay up there for five hours.
00:08:13.000 And you know what he always did?
00:08:14.000 It's like I'd always extract.
00:08:15.000 One thing I liked Yeah, like he just inundated you with an Avalanche of intellects.
00:08:36.000 Like, oh my god, let me come up from all this.
00:08:39.000 We're exposed to, by being comics and by being comics in the pressure cooker that is Hollywood, you're exposed to psychological lessons that the average person just never gets to deal with.
00:08:50.000 You know, you get to watch someone become crazy.
00:08:53.000 You get to watch someone lose their shit when they get a little bit of fame.
00:08:56.000 Those guys are fascinating.
00:08:57.000 Oh yeah.
00:08:58.000 You know, the people that get a little development deal and all of a sudden they're yelling at people and ordering people around and...
00:09:03.000 Dude, you know the best story of the Boondock Saints, the Troy Duffy kid who made that?
00:09:08.000 Dude, we have talked about this on the podcast very recently.
00:09:11.000 There's a documentary right there.
00:09:12.000 That's it on the floor.
00:09:13.000 Overnight.
00:09:14.000 That's the perfect example of that.
00:09:16.000 For the folks that don't know, there's a guy that made the movie, The Boondock Saints, and they made a documentary on him.
00:09:22.000 Called Overnight.
00:09:23.000 And he's just an insufferable cunt of a human being who got some success.
00:09:27.000 And fucked it all up.
00:09:29.000 And kind of success, though, I haven't heard of since then in Hollywood.
00:09:32.000 Like, they bought the bar the kid worked at.
00:09:35.000 They didn't, though.
00:09:35.000 He promised it was part of the deal.
00:09:37.000 Miramax, Harvey Weinstein promised to buy him the bar and co-own the bar.
00:09:41.000 Because that was back then when they had hopes that, like, hey, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon did it.
00:09:44.000 We're star makers now.
00:09:45.000 We're going to take indie scripts and make them big.
00:09:47.000 That was kind of their thing in the late 90s, Miramax.
00:09:50.000 Yeah.
00:09:50.000 You know, they're huge into that.
00:09:51.000 And so, yeah, that kid gets that deal.
00:09:53.000 And he's talking, like, people are lining up to make...
00:09:55.000 I haven't seen that kind of heat around a script since then.
00:09:57.000 No.
00:09:58.000 The dudes who were lining up to get in that, all Boston Irish dudes, were, like, really clamoring to get in that.
00:10:03.000 And then it started to whittle down to all you have is Willem Dafoe, who was in it from the beginning.
00:10:07.000 But, like, that's the only guy, I think, who stayed attached to it.
00:10:09.000 If you see the movie, though, man, it's an amazing documentary on what can happen to you.
00:10:15.000 Get at it all.
00:10:16.000 Yeah.
00:10:17.000 You can lose your shit, man.
00:10:18.000 There's a lot of people.
00:10:19.000 I've met so many people that have just completely lost their shit along the way to just mediocre success.
00:10:25.000 Just a little tiny bit.
00:10:26.000 And you see them letting you know they got a million dollar guarantee in this fucking show.
00:10:31.000 They're going to put it on right after Friends.
00:10:33.000 There's no way it's going to fail.
00:10:34.000 Yeah, we're in.
00:10:36.000 like in the grand scheme of things that the bigger they are usually the cooler they are.
00:10:39.000 Like a Tom Hanks is probably not a dickhead.
00:10:41.000 You know what I mean?
00:10:42.000 Some of them, yeah.
00:10:43.000 Or say in the world of comedy Chris Rock shows up to the comedy story, shows up alone with a notebook, asks if he can go on.
00:10:49.000 Right.
00:10:50.000 Or say, you know, and he's arguably the top comic in the world, at least one of the most recognizable.
00:10:55.000 Right.
00:10:55.000 Now take somebody who's like maybe the 156th best comic in the world.
00:10:59.000 Like Men's Steel, yeah.
00:11:00.000 Yeah, something like that.
00:11:01.000 Who will come in.
00:11:02.000 Get on stage and Bogart.
00:11:03.000 Act like Patton showing up to a war theater.
00:11:07.000 It's like you can't, you know, if the number one guy is exercising that much humility, everybody below needs to follow suit.
00:11:14.000 It's an amazing dance that you play when you're trying to get attention on stage because you're trying to get these people to look at you.
00:11:22.000 So you're trying to perform the most entertaining set possible in the best way possible.
00:11:29.000 But in some way or another, you have to divert all that adulation away from yourself.
00:11:35.000 You have to figure out a way to accept it and then turn it right back to the people.
00:11:39.000 You can't bathe in it.
00:11:41.000 You can't, like, take it seriously and think that you are the shit.
00:11:44.000 Or you will suck.
00:11:45.000 Yeah.
00:11:45.000 And you've got to remember, too, we're not saving fucking lives.
00:11:48.000 You know what I mean?
00:11:49.000 And that's, like, another thing, too.
00:11:50.000 It's like with comedy, but you have so many other interests.
00:11:52.000 It's like we have 23 and a half hours a day to spare.
00:11:55.000 You can either become just a fucking miserable prick or you can educate yourself or pick up another passion.
00:11:59.000 You know, and it's like...
00:12:01.000 Or you can become completely obsessed with your career.
00:12:03.000 Exactly.
00:12:04.000 And not have any other thing that you turn to and then lose your shit.
00:12:08.000 Because to me, a career allows you to do all the other things you want to do.
00:12:10.000 It's like, okay, now I have a pass to do the other things I want to do.
00:12:13.000 There's an interesting thing that Marc Maron just did.
00:12:16.000 He did this keynote speech at the Just for Laughs, and I listened in on it because I have this sort of love-hate thing with Maron.
00:12:24.000 Maron helped me out when I was an open-miker.
00:12:26.000 And gave me some real solid advice and real solid compliments.
00:12:31.000 And I remember, you know, I'd only been doing comedy for a real short period of time, less than a year, and Marin was established.
00:12:37.000 And I was like, wow, I can't believe this guy just totally pumped me up.
00:12:41.000 And I was like, I can fucking do this.
00:12:43.000 I felt like I got from a guy like that who was real stingy with compliments.
00:12:48.000 Sure.
00:12:49.000 Yeah.
00:12:50.000 For years, I've been trying to be so fucking nice to him because of that.
00:12:55.000 So every opportunity to shit on him or to fuck with him, I've avoided and ducked because I felt like I owed him for something that happened when we were really young.
00:13:06.000 And so, you know, that's why I did his podcast, even though he'd said some stupid shit about me.
00:13:11.000 He doesn't even know me.
00:13:11.000 We didn't even have conversations.
00:13:13.000 What did he say about you?
00:13:14.000 Oh, he just said...
00:13:15.000 He said a bunch of really dumb shit.
00:13:17.000 Oh, the whole Mencia thing?
00:13:18.000 Yeah.
00:13:19.000 One of the really dumb things that he said is that I've done more bad to comedy than Mencia has because of doing Fear Factor.
00:13:27.000 And his rationale...
00:13:28.000 This is a true argument.
00:13:30.000 his rationale was that in doing fear factor i had taken work away from stand-up comics who also worked as writers so the idea is that in me being a stand-up comic who also has a side job of hosting somehow or another these other stand-up comics their side job of writing sitcoms outside of stand-up comedy their side job is somehow or another more valid that it's still it's still not comedy it It's still not stand-up comedy.
00:13:56.000 You're talking about a guy who's a massive plagiarist who just ruined comics lives.
00:14:02.000 And you're comparing them to me because I hosted a game show.
00:14:05.000 But watching this, listening to this keynote, now I understand a little bit better.
00:14:11.000 Because three years ago, he was talking about how he was so depressed.
00:14:15.000 He couldn't get any road work.
00:14:16.000 He couldn't get booked anywhere.
00:14:19.000 No one wanted to have meetings with him.
00:14:20.000 Nothing was going on.
00:14:21.000 And, you know, he was thinking about committing suicide.
00:14:23.000 And this was just three years ago.
00:14:25.000 This was before he started doing his podcast.
00:14:27.000 And, you know, this is while all the shit was going down.
00:14:30.000 I mean, this is, you know, three years ago, I wasn't doing Fear Factor, but I'm sure before then, the bitterness was just as much.
00:14:35.000 When some people see other people get success, they fester, and it drives them fucking crazy, and they want to look for holes in it.
00:14:43.000 They want to look for things that are wrong with it.
00:14:45.000 Instead of saying, oh, look at that fucking guy, he's going to do it.
00:14:48.000 Like, I love Drew Carey, okay?
00:14:51.000 And I wouldn't want to host The Price is Right for a fucking million dollars an episode.
00:14:55.000 I'd be like, God damn.
00:14:57.000 That's what he's doing?
00:14:57.000 The Price is Right?
00:14:58.000 Or is that...
00:14:59.000 Yeah, he took over Bob Arkin.
00:15:01.000 But you know what that shows me?
00:15:02.000 That you're a creature who is survival of the fittest.
00:15:06.000 When this business changes, you adapt.
00:15:08.000 Well, he decided to take a job, is what I looked at.
00:15:11.000 I mean, look, Drew Carey's a great personality.
00:15:13.000 He's a warm, friendly guy.
00:15:16.000 Sure.
00:15:16.000 You know, like, what's the other guy's name?
00:15:18.000 The black dude who sings?
00:15:20.000 Oh, Brady?
00:15:23.000 Yeah.
00:15:23.000 What's his name?
00:15:25.000 Wayne Brady.
00:15:26.000 Wayne Brady.
00:15:26.000 Why do I want to call him Will?
00:15:27.000 I can't remember his name.
00:15:28.000 I smoke too much weed!
00:15:31.000 But anyway, when he does his show, which one is he doing?
00:15:34.000 He's doing one of those daytime shows, too.
00:15:36.000 Oh, is he doing a talk show?
00:15:37.000 Yeah, one of those fucking, either Price is Right or the other one.
00:15:40.000 You know what I mean?
00:15:41.000 Name that tune, whatever the fuck he's doing.
00:15:43.000 It's not good.
00:15:44.000 And it's one of those things where you look like it's soul-crushing shit.
00:15:47.000 But it's a fucking gig.
00:15:49.000 When I see Drew Carey, I don't go, fucking, Drew Carey sold out.
00:15:52.000 Like, look at Drew Carey selling out.
00:15:53.000 But Marin has this thing, because he was so unsuccessful, he looks for reasons why other people's success is either invalid or negative or bad, but this fucking festering personality of constantly obsessing about his career and negativity, it was a fascinating keynote.
00:16:11.000 One of the things he said, he joked around, it was a really funny joke, I'm the guy who thought Louie's TV show should have been called Fuck You, Marc Maron.
00:16:21.000 You know, because they started out together, you know, so he's got some fucking crazy jealousy about Louie.
00:16:25.000 Did you know him in Boston or in New York?
00:16:28.000 Yeah, I knew him in Boston when I was an open mic.
00:16:30.000 You know, he was, I'd say him kind of with me, too.
00:16:32.000 He was always...
00:16:33.000 He's a cunt to everybody.
00:16:34.000 He's a cunt to Jamie Kilstein.
00:16:35.000 He's a cunt to Ari Shafir.
00:16:36.000 He's fair.
00:16:37.000 Brian Callen wanted to beat him up.
00:16:38.000 He's been a cunt to me.
00:16:40.000 He's a cunt.
00:16:40.000 And the reason why he's a cunt is because he's a cunt to himself.
00:16:43.000 He's not happy.
00:16:44.000 Because Callen's a really nice guy.
00:16:45.000 Callen's his Like, he's the coolest, nicest guy ever.
00:16:48.000 He insulted Callan on stage in front of Callan's friends who came to see him in New York.
00:16:52.000 Not a disrespect.
00:16:53.000 And Callan wanted to kill him.
00:16:54.000 Callan, you know, Callan even, like, said something and threatened him and said, look, I'll hit you.
00:16:58.000 Like, okay, you want to fuck with me and fuck with me in front of my friends?
00:17:02.000 Like, I'll hit you.
00:17:02.000 I don't know what happened or who, this is just the stories that I'm getting, but I know that he gave Ari unsolicited criticism and I know he fucks with Kilstein.
00:17:10.000 Brian, are you fucking with the levels constantly?
00:17:12.000 No, I'm just tweeting.
00:17:13.000 You're fucking with my head, bro.
00:17:15.000 Leave it alone.
00:17:15.000 But why is he doing that?
00:17:17.000 He's doing that because he's doing that to himself.
00:17:19.000 His whole mind is fucked.
00:17:21.000 He's a guy who's been doing comedy forever, but still can't get successful.
00:17:25.000 We were in Irvine the other day.
00:17:28.000 We did the Irvine Improv.
00:17:29.000 And I'm like, do you guys pretty much sell out here every weekend?
00:17:32.000 He's like, not when Marc Maron was here.
00:17:34.000 He's like, barely got 100 tickets sold to each show.
00:17:36.000 And I was like, 100 tickets at the Irvine Improv?
00:17:38.000 Like, that's impossible.
00:17:39.000 So, it's like, this career that he's had for all these years, 25 plus years, it's, you know, he's obviously done a lot of shit wrong until he did this podcast.
00:17:49.000 And this podcast, he's just nailing it.
00:17:51.000 The podcast he figured out.
00:17:53.000 What he's good at is really getting into people's minds.
00:17:56.000 He knows his own neuroses.
00:17:58.000 He knows his own fears and hopes and dreams and stand-up.
00:18:02.000 And he can relate to other comics.
00:18:04.000 And then now he's sort of like calming down and being...
00:18:06.000 But he still does douchey shit.
00:18:08.000 Like Anthony Bourdain's going to be on my podcast.
00:18:10.000 Oh, seriously?
00:18:11.000 Yeah, and he wrote, Hey, I heard you're going to do Rogan's podcast, but he ain't me.
00:18:16.000 You know, it would be deep.
00:18:19.000 And that's exactly what he wrote.
00:18:20.000 He ain't me.
00:18:21.000 It would be deep.
00:18:21.000 Come on, man.
00:18:22.000 Go take a goddamn yoga class, okay?
00:18:25.000 Go to one of those places where everybody just hugs everybody.
00:18:28.000 You know what I mean?
00:18:29.000 Just go and get some hugs, man.
00:18:32.000 This negative, festering fucking kind of thinking is exactly what we're talking about where people don't have shit outside of their career.
00:18:41.000 They don't have a bunch of other things.
00:18:43.000 Yeah, if you have something going on, I could care less about what's going on with others.
00:18:46.000 They've never taken away from me.
00:18:47.000 If you're not taking work away from me, which, you know, nobody is.
00:18:50.000 Nobody is!
00:18:51.000 You know, I'm fine with that.
00:18:52.000 And it's like, that comedy cop thing to me ends about a year into comedy when it's like, holy crap, I've got my own thing to say now.
00:18:58.000 I'm not going to be concerned with who goes on with it.
00:19:01.000 Well, it's another thing that Maren had said on his show once about his parents never fostered a healthy sense of competitiveness in him.
00:19:09.000 And he's one of those guys that, like, if he's losing, he'll just turn the board over.
00:19:13.000 Take your ball and go home.
00:19:15.000 And it's that crazy sort of fucking dysfunctional thinking, that thinking that disconnected is what it is.
00:19:24.000 You're disconnected from other people, and you want it all.
00:19:27.000 You want all the adulation, you want all the love, and if you're not getting what you need, fuck everybody else.
00:19:32.000 Then negativity starts, you start throwing your negativity at other people.
00:19:36.000 And the only way you can truly be positive at all is if you feel like you're getting enough positivity to be, okay, I got a good level here.
00:19:44.000 I got a good stash of positivity.
00:19:46.000 Now I can be nice.
00:19:49.000 It's a fascinating psychological study to watch all these guys, to watch these Marc Maron guys that were like literally on the brink of suicide, you know?
00:19:57.000 And I think, I try to like Marc.
00:19:58.000 I really do.
00:19:59.000 I try to be nice to him as much as I can.
00:20:01.000 I try to like him.
00:20:02.000 But it's like, man, I have a hard time seeing all that.
00:20:04.000 I want to just throttle a guy like that and go, look, let's sit down and write down what the fuck is wrong with you and just work it out for once and for all.
00:20:13.000 Let's not deal with this for 25 fucking more years.
00:20:17.000 Let's figure this shit out, man.
00:20:18.000 It's not Frankie Pace, this thing, man.
00:20:19.000 God!
00:20:20.000 Exactly.
00:20:21.000 Exactly.
00:20:22.000 You know, let's not go that better.
00:20:23.000 He's a fucking guy.
00:20:25.000 That guy, he got mad at me once because I called him, I said, the old school comedy talent of Frankie Pace.
00:20:32.000 That's what I said, old school.
00:20:33.000 And he doesn't understand that old school is like skills.
00:20:36.000 He's like, my man's old school, like my man's old school Gojo Ru karate guy.
00:20:41.000 You can say that to a dude and he'll give you some knuckles.
00:20:43.000 He'll be laughing.
00:20:43.000 That's like a compliment.
00:20:45.000 But when I called him, you know, an old meemaw, he sucks.
00:20:48.000 I shouldn't even have said old school.
00:20:50.000 I just said, go on stage without your stupid fucking devil horns and your bag of shit that you bring with you everywhere.
00:20:55.000 And even a Vita without the talent and ability.
00:20:57.000 Here you go.
00:20:57.000 He's a cunt of a human, but it's the same thing.
00:21:00.000 It's like, here's a guy who doesn't feel like there's enough positivity out there, and if he hasn't stockpiled a big stash of it, then it's, oh, these fucking kids, they think they're funny, and all you do is talk dirty, and all you do is this, and all you do is that.
00:21:14.000 Yeah.
00:21:14.000 So he goes on stage and introduces me after I introduced him with this old school thing.
00:21:19.000 And he goes, this guy thinks I'm old school.
00:21:21.000 And then he shits on me and he starts shitting on my jokes.
00:21:25.000 And this is all before he brings me up on stage.
00:21:26.000 So I go on stage and I don't even know exactly how to...
00:21:30.000 Handle him.
00:21:31.000 So I go on stage, I go, first of all, dude, before I address any of what you just said, so I just start talking to him as he's walking through the crowd.
00:21:36.000 I go, old school's a positive thing.
00:21:39.000 I go, am I right, folks?
00:21:40.000 And they start clapping.
00:21:41.000 I go, it's like a rapper term.
00:21:43.000 I go, when you say someone's older, he goes, yeah, well then you must be new school.
00:21:46.000 I go, are you trying to say that I'm not good, that you don't like me?
00:21:49.000 I go, what are you trying to say?
00:21:50.000 So then I start smiling, and instead of getting upset at him, I start mocking him.
00:21:55.000 I go, do you not like me?
00:21:56.000 Do you not like my comedy?
00:21:58.000 I go, what's the matter?
00:21:59.000 I go, does it make you feel uncomfortable when people laugh harder at my shit than yours?
00:22:02.000 And that's when he got fucking pissed off at me.
00:22:05.000 And he goes, you fucking wish you were as good as me.
00:22:07.000 I go, come on, man.
00:22:08.000 We all just watched you.
00:22:09.000 You ain't that special.
00:22:10.000 I go, didn't you guys see him?
00:22:11.000 I go, you saw him, right?
00:22:13.000 I go, what is he got, like, devil horns on and shit?
00:22:16.000 I go, what was that?
00:22:16.000 Was that good?
00:22:17.000 Was that amazing?
00:22:18.000 Was that some breakthrough shit?
00:22:19.000 I go, look at you, you little fat fuck.
00:22:21.000 And he goes, you're gonna look like me when you're my age.
00:22:24.000 I go, do you think you look like me when you were my age?
00:22:26.000 I go, what the fuck are you talking about?
00:22:28.000 What are you saying?
00:22:29.000 I'm you?
00:22:29.000 You're me?
00:22:30.000 Are we one?
00:22:31.000 You're a cunt.
00:22:32.000 You're a cunt of a man.
00:22:33.000 Get out of here.
00:22:33.000 What a bitter thought to be like, you look like this, son of a bitch.
00:22:36.000 He's that guy, though.
00:22:37.000 He is the last guy you want to be.
00:22:39.000 The business owes me something.
00:22:40.000 This business doesn't owe you a goddamn thing.
00:22:42.000 There's a lot of those guys, though, man.
00:22:44.000 It does.
00:22:45.000 And people always say, too, it's like Hollywood.
00:22:47.000 It's so crazy.
00:22:48.000 It's so hard to make it.
00:22:48.000 It's the fairest business I know.
00:22:50.000 It never shoos talent away.
00:22:51.000 No, no, no.
00:22:52.000 Get out of here.
00:22:52.000 We don't need it.
00:22:53.000 They never shoot talent away.
00:22:55.000 But those guys who can find all these things wrong, whether it's the club booker or whatever, like, especially at the comedy store, you'll find guys that's like, I'll always say them, what other club is putting you on?
00:23:03.000 Right.
00:23:04.000 Silence.
00:23:04.000 They can never tell me another club.
00:23:06.000 Well, the comedy store's got a fucking half a million assholes that really shouldn't be on stage.
00:23:10.000 Right.
00:23:10.000 But they've snuck into that system back in the 1970s and stuck there.
00:23:14.000 You can go there any given night, on a Monday or a Tuesday, and you'll see three or four comics you can't fucking believe are professional comedians.
00:23:22.000 At the Comedy Store!
00:23:24.000 In Hollywood!
00:23:25.000 Man, when I was...
00:23:26.000 That's Mecca!
00:23:27.000 The best of the best and the worst of the worst.
00:23:29.000 The worst.
00:23:30.000 Beyond bad.
00:23:31.000 The attic is high and the basement goes real fucking deep.
00:23:34.000 There was a lot of room clears back in the day.
00:23:36.000 We would see them, we would look at the...
00:23:37.000 That's the face you...
00:23:38.000 That's exactly what you'd say.
00:23:39.000 You would look at the lineup, you would see Freddie Lockhart, and then you'd look at before you, and you'd just go...
00:23:43.000 Dude, I remember when I worked the cover booth, and I turned my shirt inside out because I was embarrassed to work there because I'd have to answer to the likes of why there's a Guglia Rossi on stage, or a Dave Pierre, or whoever they were putting on, giving eulogies as they do.
00:23:56.000 And I remember you drove that NSX, and I remember it was like, if I saw that NSX pulling up, you were like the Calvary.
00:24:01.000 It's like, oh...
00:24:02.000 A legitimate, bonafide comedian, a real comedian that I can show all these people that I had to look in a straight face in charge of $20 to see the likes of Dave Pierre up there telling, why doesn't my cell phone work with the antenna down, but up, it works.
00:24:16.000 Wow, huh?
00:24:17.000 That was his closer.
00:24:20.000 Well, that poor guy.
00:24:21.000 He stopped doing comedy and he started doing some, like, I think he started doing some sort of humanitarian work or something like that.
00:24:27.000 I forget what he did.
00:24:28.000 He was a really nice guy.
00:24:29.000 He was.
00:24:30.000 I sold that guy my car for, like, nothing.
00:24:32.000 Dave Pierre, sorry I switched it, Dave Teitelbaum.
00:24:35.000 Oh, Dave Teitelbaum.
00:24:36.000 Doesn't that sound more like Dave Teitelbaum?
00:24:37.000 Dave Teitelbaum, honestly, I don't even remember.
00:24:39.000 Dave Pierre was a sweet guy.
00:24:40.000 I don't even remember his act.
00:24:41.000 He worked at the store, too, though.
00:24:42.000 Really, really, really thin guy.
00:24:44.000 I had a nice Volkswagen, a Scirocco.
00:24:49.000 Oh, yeah?
00:24:49.000 I think that was what it was called.
00:24:51.000 No, not the Scirocco.
00:24:52.000 Maybe it was a Scirocco.
00:24:53.000 Whatever.
00:24:53.000 It was like a Volkswagen, a pretty sweet Volkswagen.
00:24:56.000 And I started, that's what I got, like, one of my first development.
00:24:59.000 Wait, what year was this?
00:25:01.000 This was 94 when I first came to Hollywood.
00:25:04.000 What was the Volkswagen?
00:25:04.000 92, 91, something like that.
00:25:06.000 It was a nice car.
00:25:07.000 It was a decent car.
00:25:09.000 Your first new?
00:25:09.000 Yeah, my first new car.
00:25:10.000 And I got a super turbo.
00:25:13.000 And so I had this other car just laying around.
00:25:16.000 And Dave was telling me he needed a car, but he doesn't have any money.
00:25:19.000 I'm like, how much money you got?
00:25:21.000 And he wound up giving me, like, a thousand bucks for it or something like that.
00:25:23.000 I just gave it to him.
00:25:24.000 I forget what it was exactly, but, you know, the car was worth, like, ten grand.
00:25:27.000 Oh, that's awesome.
00:25:28.000 I just gave it to him.
00:25:29.000 I was like, go ahead, take it.
00:25:29.000 He's a nice guy.
00:25:30.000 Dude, I bet he still drives that motherfucker.
00:25:33.000 He lives in it now.
00:25:34.000 It's got 300,000 miles out of things.
00:25:36.000 There was an interesting place because of that very reason, though.
00:25:41.000 The lesson of the Comedy Store was that there was no rules there.
00:25:46.000 It was chaotic and ridiculous and it made no sense.
00:25:50.000 A guy like Eddie Griffin would go on at 9 o'clock and stay on stage until 3 o'clock in the morning all the time.
00:25:56.000 It's a pool with no lifeguard.
00:25:57.000 There's a bunch of kids swimming and some are jumping off the roof.
00:26:01.000 But because of that, you know, a lot of people developed that sort of habit of just going on stage and not giving a fuck about the clock.
00:26:07.000 And I did too, and I'm guilty of it for sure.
00:26:09.000 I did a lot of long sets there.
00:26:11.000 But you know, you were doing them a favor though, and you're also a guy who gave back to the club.
00:26:14.000 It's like, you know, there's little things that go without saying.
00:26:16.000 You give us a new roof, a new sound system, let them run the light.
00:26:19.000 Charles Fleischer would give me a Sacagawea coin to do 40 extra minutes.
00:26:23.000 Yeah, well, he was kind of crazy.
00:26:25.000 You know, Fleischer's a strange cat.
00:26:27.000 He's a deep dude, though.
00:26:27.000 He's out there.
00:26:28.000 He's a deep, deep...
00:26:28.000 He's been at the store lately?
00:26:30.000 I haven't seen him in a while.
00:26:31.000 I think they banned him.
00:26:31.000 They banned him from the store.
00:26:32.000 We catch up every once in a while.
00:26:33.000 They banned him?
00:26:34.000 Yeah, something happened.
00:26:35.000 They stopped giving him sets.
00:26:36.000 Which one of these is yours, man?
00:26:37.000 No kidding.
00:26:38.000 I haven't drank any of them.
00:26:39.000 Oh.
00:26:40.000 Okay.
00:26:40.000 Yeah, they stopped giving him sets.
00:26:42.000 Something happened, he got pissed, and then he started going over to Laugh Factory.
00:26:44.000 He's a genius, man.
00:26:46.000 He's a fascinating dude to sit down and talk to.
00:26:48.000 I want to get him on the podcast.
00:26:50.000 I got his number once at a Starbucks, but then my fucking Blackberry fell in the toilet, and I lost it.
00:26:54.000 I lost it before I stored it on the computer.
00:26:57.000 I think I might have his number.
00:26:59.000 I'll give it to you.
00:26:59.000 He's a fascinating character.
00:27:01.000 He's the voice of Roger Rabbit, for people who don't know.
00:27:03.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:27:04.000 But he's also a scientist.
00:27:06.000 You know, in the back of the comic store, he said he came up with some new geometric structure.
00:27:10.000 He's been working on it for the last 36 days.
00:27:12.000 He's been working on this mathematical structure.
00:27:14.000 He fucking brought it in.
00:27:16.000 It was pieced together with little plastic.
00:27:18.000 I go, how long did it take you to put this fucking thing together?
00:27:20.000 He pieced it all together himself, this weird multi-sided geometric pattern.
00:27:25.000 I'm like, wow, what a weird guy.
00:27:27.000 Yeah, very weird, but he's one of those guys.
00:27:29.000 I wonder what his house looks like.
00:27:30.000 I was totally nuts.
00:27:31.000 He was married for a long time, and now he's single.
00:27:35.000 And I think he's one of those guys that probably when his wife left the house, instead of crying, you're probably like...
00:27:43.000 Now I can get to work.
00:27:45.000 Now I can go work on my machines.
00:27:47.000 I bet he has a lathe and all sorts of industrial stuff in his garage.
00:27:51.000 Shit that just dudes don't have at home.
00:27:52.000 There's a lot of dudes that like building things, man.
00:27:55.000 Adam Carolla has a full cabinetry construction set up at his garage.
00:28:00.000 He's got the dopest place where Adam does his podcast.
00:28:04.000 He's got a killer studio set up where it's like couches and microphones and all that.
00:28:09.000 A whole staff.
00:28:10.000 He has a staff of like...
00:28:11.000 When I was there, there was like five or six people working for him, manning the video cameras and working the phones and all this different shit.
00:28:18.000 And then he's got this back area where he keeps his cars, where he also has carpentry equipment.
00:28:23.000 He's like building fucking cabinets and shit.
00:28:26.000 Oh, that's awesome.
00:28:26.000 He's a strange cat.
00:28:28.000 He's one of the weirdest become.
00:28:31.000 I mean, I would consider him a stand-up comic now.
00:28:34.000 He wasn't for a long time, and now he is again.
00:28:37.000 But he's one of the weirdest of those guys.
00:28:40.000 He doesn't watch comedy.
00:28:42.000 He's not a fan of comedy.
00:28:43.000 But to him, it's like, he goes, well, it's just easy for me to do, so I just kind of go do it.
00:28:48.000 That's a dead-on one.
00:28:50.000 He just fucking does it.
00:28:51.000 I never met him before.
00:28:53.000 It's funny.
00:28:53.000 Oh, he's great.
00:28:54.000 There's these guys that have been around forever.
00:28:55.000 I met Tom Arnold recently.
00:28:57.000 I did a pilot with him.
00:28:57.000 He was super cool.
00:28:59.000 I had no idea what he was doing.
00:29:00.000 You've got to catch him on the right mixture.
00:29:02.000 Oh, yeah.
00:29:03.000 You might catch him when he's on some weed, and he's friendly as fuck.
00:29:06.000 You catch him when he's gacked out, and he wants to cut your fucking heart out with a fork.
00:29:10.000 I don't need my heart getting cut out with a fork because I need us to go to network.
00:29:13.000 People are complaining the audio is fucked up, Brian.
00:29:15.000 Yeah, I was getting some reverb in my ear.
00:29:18.000 I'm scared to touch it.
00:29:20.000 Alright.
00:29:22.000 Well, that's not good because then...
00:29:23.000 It's good on the MP3, but that's what I was playing with earlier.
00:29:27.000 Well, how do we know what it sounds like on the Ustream?
00:29:30.000 See, the problem is this laptop doesn't have a headphone jack, because it only has one jack for a headphone.
00:29:36.000 Well, doesn't this one have a headphone jack?
00:29:37.000 Yeah, but, I mean, if I can plug it in there and listen to it, I can try it.
00:29:41.000 Yeah, why don't you plug it in there and listen to it?
00:29:42.000 Jesus Christ.
00:29:43.000 I don't want to interrupt you.
00:29:45.000 Well, I want to find out what's going on, man, because the last one was terrible, apparently.
00:29:48.000 You get mad at me.
00:29:49.000 I don't get mad at you always, just when you're retarded.
00:29:51.000 I was just playing with the levels.
00:29:53.000 Tell me not to.
00:29:54.000 Okay, tell me what's going on now.
00:29:57.000 No, you listen to me.
00:29:59.000 Here, hold on.
00:30:00.000 I'll turn it on.
00:30:05.000 I'm talking to you, Brian, Michael.
00:30:10.000 It's Ustream right now, so I'm getting a big spinning ball.
00:30:13.000 Ustream is very nice for having us on and all that good stuff, but it seems like it kind of sucks.
00:30:18.000 I see a lot of complaints about it all the time.
00:30:20.000 Well, it's free, you know?
00:30:22.000 At least you don't have all the ad things.
00:30:24.000 Are you getting there?
00:30:26.000 Yeah.
00:30:28.000 Yeah, see it's all static and stuff.
00:30:30.000 Still?
00:30:32.000 How bad does it sound?
00:30:34.000 Yeah.
00:30:35.000 Does it sound really bad?
00:30:36.000 It sounds shit like shit.
00:30:38.000 Well, why don't we disconnect it from that thing?
00:30:42.000 How much of a pain in the ass?
00:30:43.000 How long would that take?
00:30:44.000 Well, the problem is that it makes no sense at all.
00:30:48.000 The audio...
00:30:49.000 Oh, damn.
00:30:50.000 Brian, we can't have this.
00:30:51.000 Hold on.
00:30:52.000 This is terrible.
00:30:53.000 Wait, can I show you something, though?
00:30:55.000 Here's the audio that your computer is saying it sounds like.
00:30:58.000 Yeah, I understand that, Brian, but it's going...
00:31:02.000 Okay.
00:31:04.000 This plug that's going in here, it's the same plug that's going into here.
00:31:08.000 Check this out.
00:31:10.000 Brian, I don't care.
00:31:11.000 What I'm saying is it sounds terrible for the people that are listening on Ustream.
00:31:16.000 So how do we fix that?
00:31:18.000 We're going to stop.
00:31:19.000 We're going to stop.
00:31:20.000 We'll be right back.
00:31:21.000 We're going to stop, folks.
00:31:22.000 We're going to fix this.