The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #126

00:00:01.000 Recording.

00:00:02.000 And we're back.

00:00:04.000 You know, can't get annoyed, really.

00:00:06.000 It's amazing that this can even happen at all.

00:00:08.000 it's amazing that a fucking kitchen table in my office connected to Time Warner Cable or whatever the fuck I've got can do that.

00:00:17.000 That's amazing anyway.

00:00:19.000 It's amazing in the first place that this is even possible.

00:00:21.000 So if every 128th episode an audio input fries on the laptop, I should be fucking amazed that that stupid thing put out 127 episodes.

00:00:33.000 Yeah, you don't have to have a 200-foot antenna on your roof.

00:00:37.000 You don't have to show up somewhere.

00:00:39.000 We're like Christian Slater and pump up the volume, son.

00:00:41.000 Yeah, you don't have to be like fucking Art Bell living out there in Pahrump, Nevada.

00:00:48.000 You ever seen that guy's house?

00:00:50.000 Dude, it's the coolest shit ever.

00:00:52.000 Art Bell is right out of a goddamn movie.

00:00:54.000 If you don't know who he is, Art Bell was the dude who had this late night radio show.

00:01:00.000 He still does it, I think, on the weekends, right?

00:01:02.000 But he did it every night for a while, called Coast to Coast AM. And you could not shake Art Bell.

00:01:08.000 You could call him up, Art, I'm a werewolf.

00:01:10.000 Really?

00:01:11.000 How long have you been a werewolf?

00:01:13.000 He'll go along with everything.

00:01:15.000 I mean, come on, of course he has questions, but he will never question you.

00:01:20.000 I mean, he will question you, he'll ask you questions, but he'll never ridicule you or cast judgment on your craziness.

00:01:26.000 And so because of that, he would just get...

00:01:28.000 One nutty motherfucker after another calling him up with crazy predictions and all kinds of nutty shit about the Mayans in 2012 and mind control and UFOs.

00:01:40.000 He became the clearinghouse for all things just out there.

00:01:41.000 All things crazy.

00:01:42.000 It was great, though.

00:01:43.000 It's the perfect time to listen to that shit is when it was on.

00:01:48.000 It was on from, like, I think 10 p.m.

00:01:50.000 at night until, like, 2 in the morning or something like that.

00:01:52.000 Oh, yeah.

00:01:52.000 He'd listen to it in bed as a kid and just listen to it and be like, ooh, yeah.

00:01:56.000 Guys like that and then Dr. Demento, like these guys who just carve out little niches for themselves.

00:02:02.000 For me, there's no comparison.

00:02:04.000 Art Bell was the king.

00:02:05.000 Yeah, he is.

00:02:06.000 Because Art Bell, I always knew that I would get some sort of juicy, crazy talk that I could be listening to on the way home.

00:02:13.000 All the sexy stuff, UFOs, Bigfoot, anything sexy.

00:02:16.000 Didn't you fall in love with that shit, though?

00:02:18.000 And I remember as a kid, you listen to the radio, and it's like a real intimate thing when you're just listening to something.

00:02:22.000 Because you just go off, because all your other senses just chill out, and you go off to another place, and you're part of it.

00:02:26.000 You're in the discussion at the point where you're almost saying shit, and like, why aren't they answering me?

00:02:29.000 I think this podcast is just like that, too.

00:02:32.000 It's that.

00:02:32.000 It's better in audio form, I think.

00:02:34.000 And it's a beeline to the people.

00:02:36.000 Like, there's an intimacy here, I'm finding, with...

00:02:38.000 You know, even my podcast, like the intimacy and...

00:02:42.000 Nice plug, by the way.

00:02:43.000 Freddie Lockhart has a podcast on DeathSquad.tv, and it's called What's Good.

00:02:48.000 What's Good with Freddie Lockhart, and you've done three of them so far, right?

00:02:51.000 Three of them.

00:02:51.000 What's good, son?

00:02:53.000 It's like the loyalty of your listeners.

00:02:55.000 I'm talking people from Finland, Australia.

00:02:57.000 It's like I never even thought I would, you know, even reach those people.

00:03:00.000 Like, they're feeling what we're saying, and they're sharing things, and it's just like, it's so cool that we have the ability to do this now.

00:03:06.000 Yeah.

00:03:06.000 And it's cool that what we're doing, the way we're doing it, too, is that we're all doing it together.

00:03:11.000 Brian runs this Death Squad podcast network, and it's all our friends.

00:03:15.000 It's Freddie, it's Tom Segura, it's Ari Shafir, it's Sam Tripoli, it's funny people.

00:03:22.000 And it's all funny fucking, and it's free, and it's on all the time, and it connects everybody with everybody else, and everybody gets to know about a guy like Sam Tripoli, or know about a guy like Freddie Lockhart.

00:03:32.000 And we get to...

00:03:34.000 Introduce our fans to each other in a way that you would never be able to do on morning radio or anything, man.

00:03:40.000 And that's what it's cool.

00:03:41.000 It's like I would love to get to where you're at to not ever have to do radio again because it's like you have your own.

00:03:45.000 This is the most amazing thing ever.

00:03:47.000 There's never been a time in my career ever where I could sell a theater or a club or just with people that I communicate with online.

00:03:57.000 And it's fun.

00:03:58.000 It's fun as fuck, and it's free, and they like it, and you're giving them something.

00:04:02.000 For me, it feels like a real honest exchange.

00:04:05.000 I like the fact that it doesn't cost anything.

00:04:08.000 I want you to just...

00:04:09.000 We're having fun.

00:04:11.000 Enjoy this shit.

00:04:12.000 And I think it does good.

00:04:15.000 It sets out a good mindset.

00:04:17.000 When I was a kid, I always imitated the way other people behaved on TV if I thought it was cool.

00:04:22.000 I always wanted to be like that guy.

00:04:24.000 I wanted to be like this guy in a movie.

00:04:25.000 It's absolutely normal.

00:04:26.000 Yeah.

00:04:26.000 If you have a podcast where you can get out there to people, a way of thinking that's not necessarily mainstream, a way of thinking that's thought out by a bunch of really honest, smart people who have stepped back and have really analyzed this and compared notes.

00:04:45.000 You know, we've all, all of us have our different ways about life, but we all, you know, one of the cool things about having a group of smart friends is, you know, say if I want to talk to you about some shit that you experienced, some shit that I have no knowledge of, I know I can sit down and go, Freddy, tell me about fishing off this pier.

00:05:04.000 Tell me, and you'll just give me the straight dope, and it'd be like I knew it myself.

00:05:09.000 Right.

00:05:09.000 Because that's the thing in our group.

00:05:11.000 I think we all are mindful of, you know, I won't speak about something unless I can speak intelligently about it.

00:05:15.000 We all know that there's actual, you get benefit from admitting that you don't know something and being honest.

00:05:21.000 Like, people respect that and like that way more than you pretending you know what you don't know.

00:05:27.000 Right.

00:05:27.000 Oh, absolutely.

00:05:28.000 There's no benefit to it.

00:05:29.000 It's a trick.

00:05:30.000 It's something that you got stuck doing when you were a little kid and you stayed with it.

00:05:35.000 None of us do any of that.

00:05:36.000 Yeah, you don't.

00:05:37.000 The only time I still lie, though, is when somebody starts telling me about a movie, and they're like, did you ever see that one?

00:05:41.000 Oh, yeah, I saw it.

00:05:42.000 Just so they'll stop.

00:05:43.000 So they'll stop, because if you don't, because then they'll give you the backstory on it.

00:05:48.000 Whoops, is that me?

00:05:49.000 Yeah, that's me.

00:05:50.000 It works.

00:05:51.000 So I'll be like, yeah, yeah.

00:05:52.000 Does it sound good?

00:05:53.000 Yeah, it sounds great.

00:05:54.000 Nobody's complaining?

00:05:56.000 Yep.

00:05:57.000 That's crazy.

00:05:57.000 It was a laptop the whole time.

00:05:59.000 Yeah, well...

00:05:59.000 We had a buzzing noise at one episode.

00:06:01.000 We should be amazed at that fucking piece of shit, that little 13-inch wonky one.

00:06:06.000 Yeah.

00:06:06.000 And, you know, there's got to be some bad karma to the fact that these people that are making these laptops and computers are all working in these factories where they have dormitories and fucking suicide nets all over the place.

00:06:19.000 Yeah.

00:06:19.000 Have you seen that shit, man?

00:06:21.000 Does that freak you out, man?

00:06:23.000 It freaks me out.

00:06:23.000 I mean, I know that they say, well, these have the best work conditions, and we've provided them with counseling.

00:06:28.000 Look, they have a billiards hall to play in.

00:06:29.000 They still seem like slaves.

00:06:31.000 It still seems something crazy.

00:06:33.000 You've got a bunch of people living in a warehouse, and then they're working X amount of hours a day for fucking 25 cents an hour or something crazy like that.

00:06:40.000 What are they getting paid?

00:06:40.000 Their lives are devoted to turning a product.

00:06:42.000 Yeah, it's weird.

00:06:43.000 Whether you're paid or not, if your life is devoted to making a product, if you're now an industrialized part of machinery, you know what I mean?

00:06:50.000 You're a slave.

00:06:51.000 You're enslaved.

00:06:52.000 Willing workers where there's no work.

00:06:54.000 See, in America, we have a lot of really fucking shit jobs that nobody wants.

00:06:59.000 But in China, I think the difference is when you get to around a billion people, there's places where there's no options.

00:07:06.000 And these people are willing workers, but their environment sucks so bad, there's no options but to work for these factories.

00:07:14.000 And so they're forced into that situation.

00:07:16.000 It's not sort of like America.

00:07:17.000 There's more opportunity to move around.

00:07:19.000 There's more different shit, more variety.

00:07:21.000 At least as far as China's been explained to me.

00:07:24.000 There's like terribly poor places.

00:07:26.000 Have you been over there?

00:07:28.000 No, I've never been there.

00:07:28.000 But there's also an incredible amount of rich people too.

00:07:31.000 Someone said that in Shanghai there's over 100,000 millionaires.

00:07:35.000 I believe it.

00:07:36.000 There's 28 million people living there.

00:07:38.000 So it's like per capita, that's not what we have.

00:07:40.000 100,000 millionaires.

00:07:42.000 And the thing about China, too, is the big point is they are not trying to take over the world.

00:07:48.000 They're trying to sell you shit.

00:07:50.000 They're trying to make money.

00:07:51.000 They're trying to do business.

00:07:53.000 That's what they're trying to do.

00:07:54.000 The Chinese aren't trying to take over the world.

00:07:56.000 They've had their issues with Thailand, and they've had their issues with...

00:08:04.000 Where's the Dalai Lama from?

00:08:06.000 Well, Tibet, and then all of Southeast Asia they like to fight with.

00:08:09.000 Yeah, there's a lot of shit with Tibet, right?

00:08:11.000 There's always a free Tibet bumper sticker.

00:08:13.000 So China's not innocent abroad, but when you look at how much we're involved in shit in other parts of the world, the economic impact of all this fucking military action, it's staggering!

00:08:27.000 We don't consider it, and we say, look at China blowing up.

00:08:30.000 China doesn't have to worry about fucking taking over the world.

00:08:34.000 China doesn't have to worry about that.

00:08:36.000 They're not invested in, I mean, a little bit I'm sure they are, but they're not invested nearly as much as we are in this shit.

00:08:41.000 Well, I think the old school way of thinking was, it's like even in the 40s, it's like he with the nukes is the winner, but what they've realized is this is the new era.

00:08:50.000 We all got nukes.

00:08:51.000 You pull the trigger, we're all going down.

00:08:53.000 So the way to get ahead is to be an economical superpower.

00:08:57.000 It's fucking truly amazing that that's how it's still run in 2011. It really is like a weapon that can kill you thing.

00:09:04.000 The end all weapon?

00:09:05.000 Well, it's not just that.

00:09:06.000 I mean, it always was a weapon that I could kill you.

00:09:07.000 It used to be I had a sword.

00:09:08.000 Then it was I have a spear.

00:09:09.000 Then it was I have a cannon.

00:09:10.000 And it's still, I have some shit that'll kill you.

00:09:13.000 It's still.

00:09:14.000 I mean, basically, it's the same dynamic.

00:09:16.000 It all comes down to that one carnal instinct.

00:09:18.000 I'll kill you.

00:09:19.000 It's amazing.

00:09:20.000 It's amazing.

00:09:20.000 Control of resources.

00:09:22.000 I'll kill you.

00:09:23.000 Give me the resources.

00:09:23.000 I'll fucking kill you.

00:09:24.000 Give me the shit.

00:09:25.000 It's amazing, though.

00:09:26.000 2011. I wonder if it's going to be able to continue this way.

00:09:31.000 Because it seems like the tolerance that people have for it today is very short.

00:09:37.000 It's very different than it was a few decades ago.

00:09:40.000 Very different than it was before the internet.

00:09:41.000 To me, I think people think of war as much more distasteful.

00:09:45.000 People are...

00:09:46.000 If anyone is likely to buy into any wacky conspiracy theory, the big one would be that the military-industrial complex has their fingers in all parts of the world for making money, and they force wars.

00:09:58.000 It sounds crazy, but if you look at Eisenhower's speech, and if you look at all the evidence, that's exactly what they do.

00:10:05.000 That's a conspiracy that more people would be willing to buy than almost any other wacky conspiracy.

00:10:10.000 What, that war is big business, and of course we force them.

00:10:12.000 That's a fringe idea, man.

00:10:14.000 I mean, that's not something you can bring up on CBS News and they'll just let you slide with that.

00:10:18.000 People will challenge you.

00:10:19.000 It's a fringe idea, but it's one of these things where, is it so much fringe or just unpopular to say on TV? It's unpopular to look at reality.

00:10:26.000 It's unpopular to look that we are living inside the balls of the dick that's fucking the world.

00:10:31.000 Right.

00:10:31.000 And that's what's going down.

00:10:33.000 Well, people don't want to know that, though.

00:10:34.000 People don't want to think about it.

00:10:35.000 They want to think USA, USA. They don't want to think, what does that mean?

00:10:38.000 Yeah, you?

00:10:39.000 Yes.

00:10:39.000 You in USA and me in USA? You're talking about dudes who write badass books and dudes who sing great songs and people who make badass houses and real American ingenuity and craftsmanship and construction.

00:10:52.000 Yes!

00:10:53.000 Yes!

00:10:53.000 Go USA! Go all the comics that have ever come out of America.

00:10:58.000 Go all the movie makers.

00:11:00.000 I mean, you want to talk creativity.

00:11:02.000 There's brilliant...

00:11:03.000 Artists all over the world.

00:11:05.000 But what a fucking pool of them there are here.

00:11:07.000 What an amazing fucking country this is.

00:11:10.000 Yes, this.

00:11:11.000 But not the military that fucking runs our shit.

00:11:14.000 Not them.

00:11:15.000 They're not us.

00:11:15.000 That's money.

00:11:16.000 What that is is a virus.

00:11:18.000 It's a virus that runs on money.

00:11:20.000 And that virus is killing people left and right.

00:11:23.000 And it might as well be a fucking disease.

00:11:25.000 It might as well be the plague or super AIDS or gonorrhea.

00:11:28.000 But it's a fucking virus.

00:11:30.000 And that virus is, it needs money.

00:11:32.000 It's a virus fueled by money and it's willing to kill people.

00:11:36.000 Which how much of our budget do we allot to...

00:11:39.000 Huge amounts of money.

00:11:40.000 An absurd amount.

00:11:42.000 Staggering amounts of money.

00:11:43.000 To the point where if we cut a quarter of it, like, we'd be doing completely fine in a lot of arenas?

00:11:46.000 Dude, a lot.

00:11:47.000 It doesn't make any sense, and it's like we are addicted to it.

00:11:50.000 We're addicted to be in these conflicts.

00:11:52.000 It really is like Eisenhower said.

00:11:54.000 Eisenhower predicted this shit in whatever the fuck it was, 1950. Well, FDR people always said, too, that he was trying to keep us out of World War II, but that wasn't the case at all.

00:12:04.000 He made one real poignant speech even before the Japs attacked Pearl Harbor, and he said something like, we can't rest on our laurels, and this is a summation, but we can't rest on our laurels.

00:12:16.000 Relax here in our own country.

00:12:17.000 We have to go find opposing foes overseas if we want to feel safe here.

00:12:22.000 Which was basically like, hey, prepare America.

00:12:24.000 This is big business, this fucking war.

00:12:26.000 And it was.

00:12:26.000 It was big business.

00:12:28.000 It made us.

00:12:28.000 It gave us money.

00:12:29.000 It invented the suburbs.

00:12:30.000 It was huge fucking business, that war.

00:12:32.000 War bonds and all that shit, but it's like now it's not a lucrative business like it used to be.

00:12:37.000 What's lucrative is the contracts they get to build the shit they get to justify the money they're going to spend next year.

00:12:42.000 So it's like we keep giving all this fucking money to this thing for that sky is falling thing.

00:12:46.000 When the sky isn't falling, there was that movie Gung Ho with Michael Keaton.

00:12:50.000 Remember that?

00:12:50.000 1996. Yeah.

00:12:51.000 And there was a quote in there and he said, the American spirit is alive and well.

00:12:55.000 It's just in Hong Kong right now.

00:12:56.000 And it's like that was, you know, that was very prophetic.

00:12:59.000 Yeah.

00:13:00.000 Because it is.

00:13:00.000 Because over in China, they're just like, you know what?

00:13:02.000 Let's build shit.

00:13:03.000 Let's be, let's just make shit.

00:13:04.000 Let's keep fucking making it like we used to do.

00:13:07.000 And the most disappointing part about it is that a lot of these guys, a lot of the troops, a lot of the people that are working for what they believe is a good cause, these are real heroes, man.

00:13:20.000 I mean, there are some real fucking heroes in this country willing to go to other parts of the world to protect the people that are back here.

00:13:28.000 That's legit.

00:13:29.000 They're legit heroes.

00:13:30.000 They're just getting used by people with bad intentions.

00:13:33.000 That's as clear as it is to me.

00:13:35.000 People are doing their bidding with these people.

00:13:36.000 Yeah, there's no doubt the American military is fucking amazing.

00:13:40.000 If they were just used for defense and just used for good, it would be the most incredible force ever.

00:13:46.000 I think our biggest asset is we can bring war to any corner of the globe in less than 24 hours.

00:13:52.000 Yeah.

00:13:53.000 You're done, son.

00:13:54.000 Because we don't have the biggest.

00:13:55.000 We just got the biggest weapons, and we got the nicest.

00:13:57.000 We got everything, dude.

00:13:58.000 We got military in over 100 countries.

00:14:01.000 Yeah, our installments.

00:14:02.000 We're like France used to be, nigga.

00:14:04.000 We everywhere.

00:14:05.000 It's more than ridiculous.

00:14:06.000 No one's ever been like this.

00:14:07.000 No one's ever had this kind of presence in the world.

00:14:10.000 I mean, this is the United States of the world.

00:14:12.000 That's what it is.

00:14:12.000 Everybody else is like our little buddy, our neighbor who yells at us, but he knows that we'll burn his fucking house down.

00:14:18.000 Yeah, but you know what it is?

00:14:20.000 We're a compilation of all of them.

00:14:21.000 You can act like we're these elitist separatists and all that, but we're the all-star lineup of the world.

00:14:25.000 Well, we're the end of the line as far as people that wanted to take shit to the next level.

00:14:31.000 That's what happened.

00:14:32.000 They were in Europe, and they're like, this ain't working for me.

00:14:34.000 I'm going to get in a fucking boat and fly to some unknown land.

00:14:38.000 So that genetics, those are the freaks.

00:14:41.000 Those are the crazy assholes.

00:14:43.000 It's like...

00:14:44.000 I mean, Australia's a badass country.

00:14:46.000 One of the reasons why it's a badass country is it started out a goddamn prison colony.

00:14:50.000 Yeah.

00:14:50.000 Because a lot of those people were like the grandparents or the grandchildren, great-great-great-great-grandchildren of fucking crazy criminals from England that they got rid of.

00:14:59.000 Get the fuck out of here, you crazy asshole.

00:15:00.000 We're going to send you to an island that's so far away you can never get back to us, okay?

00:15:04.000 We don't want to kill you.

00:15:05.000 Just get the fuck out of here.

00:15:06.000 You'll have a skewed accent and everything.

00:15:07.000 Yeah.

00:15:08.000 Meanwhile, they're awesome!

00:15:09.000 Australia is amazing!

00:15:10.000 The most well-traveled people in the world, Aussies.

00:15:12.000 I think because they have to travel to go anywhere, but it's like, everywhere they go, and it's like, I'm going to stay in your couch, mate, and be here for six weeks.

00:15:19.000 We were in Hawaii, and there was a couple from Australia.

00:15:24.000 They were from Melbourne.

00:15:26.000 And they took the kids, oh, it was a long flight.

00:15:29.000 They had to fly like 11 hours, and then two hours, and it's like...

00:15:33.000 But they're happy to do it.

00:15:34.000 They'll fucking just do it, man.

00:15:35.000 They're the friendliest people in the world.

00:15:37.000 They really are.

00:15:37.000 Well-traveled.

00:15:38.000 Australians are amazing.

00:15:39.000 Friendly.

00:15:39.000 And I think something like 80% of Australia is uninhabited.

00:15:42.000 Yeah.

00:15:43.000 Uninhabitable.

00:15:44.000 Unhabitable, yeah.

00:15:45.000 But the places that you can, Perth, Sydney, Melbourne, the places you can live are fucking phenomenal.

00:15:51.000 But I also heard it's the most deadly place on Earth.

00:15:54.000 You can get killed by more insects and indigenous creatures there than anywhere in the world.

00:16:00.000 Jellyfish.

00:16:01.000 Jellyfish, stingrays.

00:16:02.000 They have a certain jellyfish.

00:16:03.000 I want to say Man of War, but I think I'm wrong.

00:16:05.000 I don't think that's the name of it.

00:16:06.000 There's a name for it.

00:16:07.000 I'm not sure what the jellyfish is.

00:16:08.000 But a really super toxic one, where almost 90% of the people that get hit by this thing die.

00:16:14.000 And you've got to get treatment within seconds.

00:16:18.000 And they have these giant jugs of vinegar that they keep in little boxes all around the beach.

00:16:24.000 In case people get hit by a jellyfish to pour this vinegar on them.

00:16:28.000 Somehow or another it lessens the impact.

00:16:31.000 But jellyfish are fucking ferocious.

00:16:34.000 Their toxins are so ruthless.

00:16:36.000 Whatever this jellyfish is, it just jacks people.

00:16:39.000 This one lady was scarred the fuck up.

00:16:41.000 A box jellyfish.

00:16:42.000 Yeah, I think that is it.

00:16:43.000 This one lady, her legs, she made it through, but her legs were just mangled.

00:16:48.000 Do you swim in the sea?

00:16:49.000 Do you get in that way?

00:16:50.000 Fuck!

00:16:50.000 Fuck that shit, son!

00:16:52.000 I get close to the shore and I'll boogie board if I'm feeling frisky.

00:16:56.000 How pimp would it be to have a jellyfish, though, in one of those black light aquariums in the middle of your living room?

00:17:02.000 That's like nature's joke with a lava lamp.

00:17:04.000 My eyes are very sensitive when I get salt water and it burns like fuck.

00:17:08.000 I think it's because when I did Fear Factor a lot, I had a lot of sunscreen go in my eyes.

00:17:13.000 It happened many times.

00:17:14.000 I remember that.

00:17:15.000 Yeah, a bunch of times where I was on stage and my sweat from my forehead while I was on stage, the sunscreen would leak into my eyes and it's like I fried my retinas or something.

00:17:24.000 It's like my eyes are much more sensitive now to salt water than they were before.

00:17:28.000 Yeah, I think I fucked them up.

00:17:29.000 My balls shape up.

00:17:30.000 I can see good, but I think they're much more sensitive now.

00:17:33.000 I can tear up real easy.

00:17:34.000 So I had to wear goggles and shit like that.

00:17:36.000 But the idea that there's some shit out there that can kill you, and it does every now and then.

00:17:41.000 Every year someone gets bit somewhere.

00:17:43.000 And you don't want to get goggles.

00:17:45.000 Dude, somebody got got a year ago right out here, Santa Barbara.

00:17:48.000 By a jellyfish?

00:17:49.000 No, a fucking shark.

00:17:49.000 Bid him in half.

00:17:50.000 Oh, wow.

00:17:51.000 Wow.

00:17:51.000 Yeah, and they found a great white really recently around Malibu.

00:17:54.000 They spotted it from a plane.

00:17:55.000 There's a great white tooling around Malibu.

00:17:58.000 Gee, Brody, you can't close these beaches down.

00:18:00.000 Dude, listen, man.

00:18:01.000 They're out there.

00:18:02.000 They're there.

00:18:02.000 They're really there.

00:18:03.000 Just a big muscle swimming.

00:18:05.000 And in fucking Australia, there's everything.

00:18:07.000 There's crocodiles.

00:18:09.000 Crocodiles are easily the scariest fucking thing on the planet for me.

00:18:12.000 Even more scary than sharks.

00:18:14.000 You know why?

00:18:15.000 Yeah, because I don't fucking go in the water that much, man.

00:18:17.000 So sharks are scary and shit, but I know they're out there, so I'm cool.

00:18:21.000 I'll take less chances over here.

00:18:23.000 You know, the idea that you jump into their world.

00:18:27.000 Yeah.

00:18:27.000 You know?

00:18:27.000 They're just subject to their rules and their laws.

00:18:30.000 Crocodiles live in our world, man.

00:18:32.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:18:32.000 And they're giants!

00:18:33.000 Yeah, like they exist.

00:18:34.000 You ever see the one picture of the crocodile hunter holding his baby and feeding a crocodile a chicken?

00:18:40.000 Yeah.

00:18:40.000 That is the most irresponsible thing ever.

00:18:43.000 I didn't have children when I first saw that photo.

00:18:45.000 I didn't have...

00:18:46.000 And you were disgusted.

00:18:47.000 Yeah, it had never reproduced.

00:18:49.000 Right.

00:18:49.000 So, to me, it was just a norm...

00:18:51.000 It was...

00:18:52.000 Just a logical thing.

00:18:53.000 Like, well, that's ridiculous.

00:18:54.000 Why is he doing that?

00:18:55.000 That's crazy.

00:18:55.000 What if his kid got hurt?

00:18:56.000 But when you have children, and you think about the idea that just for a goof, you will stand in front of this fucking unpredictable monster and take some, maybe it's one out of a thousand chance.

00:19:07.000 You're willing to do that?

00:19:08.000 What if your kid got eaten by a fucking crocodile right in front of you?

00:19:13.000 Yeah, and you're the crocodile hunter.

00:19:14.000 That would make you sound very bad at your job.

00:19:16.000 What if something happened and it stumbled as you were giving it the chicken, and the chicken bounced out of its mouth, and it looked at the baby and said, I'll go for this next.

00:19:25.000 And it pulls your arms off with the fucking baby.

00:19:28.000 And it does the roll?

00:19:29.000 It does a death roll, and just snap, snap, snap, and your elbows fucking pop off and start shooting like a sprinkler.

00:19:35.000 Do you watch the swamp people?

00:19:37.000 You've seen them out there?

00:19:38.000 Yeah, with the alligators.

00:19:39.000 Going to check their traps and stuff.

00:19:40.000 And then they just point blank, shoot them in the face with a gun.

00:19:42.000 Those are monsters, bro.

00:19:43.000 And then they bring them back in.

00:19:44.000 They're looking for 12-footers.

00:19:46.000 You can eat them.

00:19:47.000 Yeah.

00:19:48.000 They're delicious.

00:19:48.000 And make nice boots and all that stuff, too.

00:19:50.000 Yeah.

00:19:51.000 But those guys hunting for them are crazy.

00:19:53.000 Dude, that's a wild monster that you're out there shooting.

00:19:56.000 And alligators are pussies.

00:19:57.000 They're like poodles compared to pit bulls.

00:19:59.000 When you compare an alligator to a crocodile, crocodiles are way more ferocious, way crazier, way meaner, way more dangerous, way quicker.

00:20:06.000 It's just one of those things where you let your mind absorb.

00:20:08.000 It's like, wow, that exists.

00:20:09.000 Yeah!

00:20:10.000 Yeah, 28 footers, man.

00:20:11.000 How about they can hold their breath for like a couple hours?

00:20:14.000 It's just killers.

00:20:15.000 They can get into like a pond and go underwater and just sit there and not move for a couple hours.

00:20:20.000 And they look mean as fuck.

00:20:22.000 They don't look like well-wishers.

00:20:23.000 They look like they're here to fuck shit up.

00:20:24.000 Anything looks meaner than a fucking crocodile.

00:20:26.000 Yeah, it looks meaner.

00:20:27.000 Their teeth are all up and down.

00:20:28.000 They look fake.

00:20:29.000 It's like you sit here and tell kids there's no such thing as monsters.

00:20:31.000 What if you live in Florida?

00:20:32.000 Yeah, there is.

00:20:33.000 Fuck yeah, there is.

00:20:33.000 What if you were in Florida and that was under your bed?

00:20:35.000 What are those deep water fish that have like the fangs in the eye and has that thing that, like an antenna thing?

00:20:41.000 Like sturgeon or something?

00:20:42.000 Yeah, it's almost like a...

00:20:42.000 Oh, I know what you're talking about.

00:20:43.000 I think it's called the anglerfish.

00:20:45.000 It has like its own fake swimming fishing rod.

00:20:48.000 Sure, I know what you mean.

00:20:49.000 It looks like a lure in front of them and the fish come near and he jacks them.

00:20:53.000 It's amazing.

00:20:53.000 Yeah, he fishes for fish.

00:20:54.000 That's fucking dope.

00:20:55.000 That's a monster, son.

00:20:56.000 You're lucky you don't live in his world.

00:20:59.000 Dude, killers of the sea?

00:21:01.000 And that's like those sharks, man.

00:21:03.000 I watched Jaws the other night for the 700,000th time because my girlfriend hadn't seen it.

00:21:08.000 She's like, I don't like these kind of movies.

00:21:10.000 Is that how she talks?

00:21:11.000 When I hear her shit on movies, that's how she talks.

00:21:16.000 She was like, I don't want to watch it.

00:21:18.000 I'm like, it's not what you think it is.

00:21:20.000 I go, it's a movie that plays on your fears.

00:21:21.000 It's not something that's going to show you a bunch of gore the whole time.

00:21:24.000 You're going to see Quint get gut at the end, but that's it, right?

00:21:27.000 That's a gorious thing.

00:21:29.000 But it's like that whole amazing thing of it playing on your fears.

00:21:31.000 And so we watched Jaws again.

00:21:32.000 It was just like, yeah, dude, that thing's just a swimming fucking garbage disposal looking to destroy.

00:21:36.000 No reason, no sympathy, no empathy, just muscles and teeth and eating.

00:21:41.000 And that's fucking badass that that exists.

00:21:43.000 You just stay away from it.

00:21:45.000 But she ended up liking the movie.

00:21:47.000 She's like, I like that movie.

00:21:48.000 I was like, it is a tale of the sea.

00:21:49.000 How could you not like it?

00:21:50.000 We have completely separated ourselves from the food chain.

00:21:53.000 We're just like, listen, listen, listen, stop!

00:21:56.000 No one's eating us.

00:21:57.000 Back the fuck up!

00:21:58.000 Nope, we're out of the game.

00:21:59.000 We're out of the game.

00:22:00.000 Here's the deal.

00:22:01.000 We got tanks.

00:22:02.000 I got nuclear weapons.

00:22:03.000 You want to get crazy, you want to get crazy, we'll kill you all.

00:22:06.000 But for right now, we're out of the game.

00:22:08.000 So you go eat your gazelles.

00:22:09.000 We're not going to stop any of that.

00:22:10.000 We're not going to protect the monkeys from the chimps.

00:22:13.000 We're not protecting anybody from anybody else.

00:22:15.000 We let it all go down.

00:22:16.000 Except people.

00:22:18.000 As soon as you start eating people.

00:22:19.000 Yeah, you ain't hunting me.

00:22:20.000 That's for fucking sure.

00:22:21.000 Some lady got killed in Africa last week.

00:22:23.000 A lion made it into her yard and killed her.

00:22:27.000 Apparently this lion had escaped.

00:22:28.000 There was a hole in one of the fences.

00:22:30.000 They have game parks where they have lions.

00:22:33.000 Wild reserves.

00:22:34.000 Yeah, there's wild.

00:22:34.000 And apparently they're fucking actually fenced in, which is amazing to try to wrap your head around.

00:22:39.000 But something like a rhino or a fucking elephant damaged the fence, and the lion snuck through and started eating people.

00:22:45.000 Oh.

00:22:46.000 Yeah, and they found her, like, remains in the bushes.

00:22:49.000 Just nothing left.

00:22:51.000 What's that?

00:22:51.000 Ate all her skin, ate her body.

00:22:53.000 What's the movie with Willem Dafoe and the lions?

00:22:56.000 The Ghost in the Darkness.

00:22:57.000 Not Willem Dafoe.

00:22:59.000 It's Michael Douglas and Val Kilmer.

00:23:00.000 Oh, that's right, that's right.

00:23:01.000 That movie is the shit.

00:23:03.000 And that's a true story.

00:23:03.000 Fuck yeah, that's a true story.

00:23:05.000 Fuck yeah.

00:23:07.000 That's a good movie.

00:23:08.000 It's a great horror movie about a real animal.

00:23:12.000 And about shit that can happen.

00:23:14.000 Fuck yeah, that can happen, dude.

00:23:15.000 That's an amazing film.

00:23:17.000 And really about a group of lions.

00:23:19.000 I think it was two lions.

00:23:20.000 What was it, in the 30s or the 20s or something?

00:23:22.000 Yeah, I think what was interesting about it was that they didn't know that male lions would hunt.

00:23:28.000 Right, it was always said that males don't hunt.

00:23:30.000 They stay home.

00:23:31.000 But these males just decided to start hunting people.

00:23:33.000 Because they got bored.

00:23:33.000 They're like, nigga, let's go hunt, huh?

00:23:35.000 Yeah.

00:23:35.000 I think they just realize how easy it is.

00:23:37.000 I think once one of them just eats a person and goes, Jesus Christ, why am I chasing after gazelles?

00:23:43.000 A person is 100% catch.

00:23:46.000 You ever watch gazelles almost get away?

00:23:48.000 They have seven gears.

00:23:50.000 Sometimes they take a left when it was a good thing to take a left.

00:23:53.000 They're gone.

00:23:54.000 When you watch a tiger chasing down a fucking gazelle or anything, a lion chasing down a gazelle, anything chasing down a fast thing, Think about how fucking fast that thing is running to stay alive.

00:24:06.000 And then think of how slow you are.

00:24:08.000 I know, I know.

00:24:09.000 Oh my god, we're so slow.

00:24:11.000 This guy near a 40 mile an hour chase is happening.

00:24:13.000 The fastest guy in the world!

00:24:14.000 Have you ever seen them attack a hippo?

00:24:16.000 I saw this one where there was like six of them on top of a hippo trying to get this hippo.

00:24:19.000 A hippo?

00:24:20.000 Yeah, and hippos are like one of the most dangerous animals in the world.

00:24:22.000 Lions eat hippos?

00:24:23.000 Oh yeah, and this one hippo was just slowly walking while there was all these tigers or lions on it and just trying to eat it.

00:24:30.000 I've seen that.

00:24:31.000 They'll go after beasts a lot of times that are a little out of their range.

00:24:34.000 There's YouTube videos of lions attacking hippos.

00:24:36.000 Yeah, and it's just a slow walk while this hippo's just being eaten alive.

00:24:40.000 Oh my god, this is crazy!

00:24:42.000 I'm watching it right now.

00:24:43.000 Oh my god, this lion is riding on the back of the hippo while he's eating it.

00:24:48.000 Just eating it.

00:24:48.000 He's just hanging onto that.

00:24:49.000 Is that fucking crazy?

00:24:52.000 And look, there's the next day.

00:24:54.000 You see it with the spine is hanging out?

00:24:57.000 Literally took a hunk out of the spine of this thing.

00:25:00.000 Where are you going, homie?

00:25:01.000 Let me get a bite.

00:25:01.000 Have you ever watched that?

00:25:03.000 Oh my god, this is hard to watch, man.

00:25:05.000 Yeah, it really is.

00:25:06.000 Because they can't kill it.

00:25:07.000 Yeah.

00:25:08.000 It's almost impossible.

00:25:09.000 It's when you see the eyes of what the animal's happening to, like, why are you doing this to me?

00:25:13.000 I know.

00:25:13.000 Why are you eating me?

00:25:14.000 I just want to go.

00:25:15.000 Oh, he's just dealing with it.

00:25:16.000 Yeah.

00:25:16.000 I'm kidding.

00:25:17.000 There's a good show called Big Cat's Diary, I think it is.

00:25:20.000 I'm a big fan of that show, but they always have shit like this.

00:25:23.000 There was one recently.

00:25:24.000 There was a, what was it, a jaguar or a cheetah?

00:25:25.000 Listen, for folks who want to watch this, it's called Lion Attack Hippo.

00:25:30.000 This is fucking gnarly.

00:25:34.000 Wow.

00:25:35.000 Wow.

00:25:37.000 Holy shit.

00:25:38.000 Something completely off subject.

00:25:40.000 That's just freaking me out.

00:25:41.000 That video just freaked me the fuck out.

00:25:43.000 How amazing is it that that's a real everyday occurrence out there in the world somewhere?

00:25:49.000 There's a spot of the world where there's giant monsters taking down 3,000 pound animals.

00:25:55.000 Slowly biting their spine.

00:25:56.000 You know the day that we're going to get excited where I think we're all going to call each other and I really feel like this day is going to happen is that breaking news is going to come in and we found Bigfoot.

00:26:04.000 We got him.

00:26:05.000 We found him.

00:26:06.000 We found him.

00:26:06.000 You really think there's a Bigfoot?

00:26:07.000 Yeah.

00:26:08.000 I don't think it.

00:26:10.000 I think I'm open to the possibility.

00:26:12.000 It's just, you know what?

00:26:12.000 It's the year 2011, lots of cameras.

00:26:14.000 Bring me his head and nothing lies.

00:26:15.000 He's sexy.

00:26:16.000 Bigfoot is very sexy.

00:26:18.000 Remember that joke you used to have that you used to talk about in search of Loch Ness or whatever it was?

00:26:22.000 Yeah.

00:26:22.000 Like it'd be like in search of Snuffleupagus.

00:26:24.000 Well, now they have the in search of Bigfoot, right?

00:26:26.000 Yeah.

00:26:26.000 And it's like somebody gave money to this.

00:26:28.000 That's one of those things we talked about.

00:26:30.000 We were talking about somebody earlier not believing things or checking facts.

00:26:33.000 Things are very simple to understand.

00:26:35.000 I've said this before.

00:26:36.000 If somebody in this world is levitating, he'd be the most famous person in the history of time ever.

00:26:40.000 He would have done the most impressive thing ever.

00:26:42.000 He would have made Da Vinci and everybody look like poop-butt hats.

00:26:45.000 Looks like Professor X from the X-Men.

00:26:47.000 It's just like, what the fuck?

00:26:49.000 If you really could levitate, yeah.

00:26:52.000 It's like, no, you would be amazing if you could.

00:26:55.000 If you really could.

00:26:56.000 So the Bigfoot thing, the logic tells you this.

00:26:59.000 It's like, look, they would preempt the President's State of the Union address to tell you they found Bigfoot.

00:27:03.000 They would preempt anything.

00:27:05.000 It would be the most important story ever.

00:27:08.000 Yeah, so allotting resources to going to look for it.

00:27:10.000 Now, the only way it could exist is because here's why, here's the side I'll take is we have this arrogance as men, basically, that we've conquered all of the earth.

00:27:18.000 We know every nook and cranny.

00:27:20.000 You know, there's places that you can go down, you can go sideways into the earth.

00:27:23.000 There's just so many nooks and crannies.

00:27:25.000 Now, if there's some, you know, seven-foot ape walking around and hasn't been seen, maybe in the Himalayas somewhere, maybe where a man can't get to, You're more inclined to believe that, like the Tibet, than the Bigfoot, the Sasquatch?

00:27:41.000 I'm more inclined to believe the Yeti version than the Pacific Northwestern version.

00:27:46.000 I think it was probably a real animal.

00:27:48.000 That's what I think.

00:27:49.000 I think it probably went extinct a long time ago.

00:27:53.000 Gigantopithecus is the actual animal.

00:27:54.000 In the Chicago Museum, they have a nice mock-up of his skeleton.

00:27:58.000 Yeah, and it's like this giant 8-foot fucking gorilla.

00:28:00.000 It totally looks like what you would think of as Bigfoot.

00:28:02.000 I guess it wasn't bipedal, though.

00:28:04.000 It would sometimes walk on its hind legs.

00:28:06.000 But enough so that if you saw one walking on its hind legs, who the fuck knows?

00:28:11.000 I mean, it's all completely speculation.

00:28:12.000 Do you know the story of Oliver, the champ?

00:28:14.000 If you're playing the Joe Rogan Experience drinking game, I think that's one shot.

00:28:19.000 What is the Joe Rogan Experience drinking game?

00:28:19.000 Who the fuck knows?

00:28:21.000 Because I say that all the time.

00:28:21.000 Who the fuck knows?

00:28:22.000 Who the fuck knows?

00:28:23.000 I think that's one shot.

00:28:23.000 Did you hear that story of Oliver, the purported man-chimp, ever?

00:28:27.000 Yes, I watched that.

00:28:28.000 I watched the whole documentary on him.

00:28:29.000 He was a chimpanzee that just had a really weird...

00:28:32.000 Amazing, weird...

00:28:33.000 Anomaly.

00:28:33.000 A bunch of them.

00:28:35.000 Walked straight up.

00:28:37.000 Didn't want to crouch over and walk on all fours.

00:28:39.000 And wanted to fuck women.

00:28:39.000 Wanted to fuck women.

00:28:41.000 Smoked.

00:28:41.000 Yeah, was like hanging around with people and really despised chimps.

00:28:45.000 But he started getting really creepy with the woman.

00:28:47.000 And inappropriate shit.

00:28:47.000 And then we had to lock him up.

00:28:49.000 Well, he's still ready to rape.

00:28:50.000 Chimps don't have any morals, man.

00:28:52.000 Their dick gets hard, they're ready to rape because that's how it works in the chimp world.

00:28:55.000 So he was doing his best to listen, but he's fighting against some crazy instincts and he's not getting any sexual satisfaction.

00:29:01.000 And he's going to find it somewhere.

00:29:03.000 They were showing him, because in the 70s they actually concluded that he was half man, half ape because DNA testing was so crude that they couldn't narrow it down.

00:29:11.000 Now they're like, oh no, he's just a fucked up ape.

00:29:14.000 And every once in a while, I think a gorilla came out last year who walks on, he was bipedal, walks around Just looking around at shit.

00:29:20.000 And just as humans, it's like, you know, so many people conclude it's like, I've never seen that.

00:29:24.000 It's new.

00:29:25.000 It's obviously half man.

00:29:26.000 It's like, part of me would like to think there's somebody out there tinkering with something like that, but that's a really fucked up thing to do.

00:29:32.000 Well, it's definitely happened.

00:29:34.000 There was a recent article in, I know it's not the best source, the UK in the Daily Mail, was talking about scientists have created, I believe it was over a hundred different embryos that were hybrids of babies and, you know, human and some other animal.

00:29:48.000 Sure.

00:29:48.000 They actually created embryos.

00:29:50.000 When I read about the liger and all the different shit they did, I thought it was just Napoleon Dynamite fucking around.

00:29:54.000 I think we talked about this last time, but ligers are real.

00:29:56.000 They're the real deal.

00:29:57.000 I don't think there's ever a time in the wild where they're in the same habitat.

00:30:01.000 But you know what they said is...

00:30:02.000 It only happens in captivity, I think.

00:30:04.000 It happens in captivity, but they were saying this, and this has happened recently, they're like, they can't reproduce, so they're all born sterile, or they're all born, you know, that's it, that's one generation.

00:30:12.000 They're hybrids, just like, there's hybrid fish that are of the same situation.

00:30:16.000 But recently, some had reproduced.

00:30:17.000 Really?

00:30:17.000 So that's telling you that genetically now they're adapting, and this liger thing would get killed out in the wild because it's fucking enormous and slow.

00:30:24.000 It's giant and slow, it's a sitting target.

00:30:27.000 Like, I thought it was a joke.

00:30:27.000 Why are they slow?

00:30:28.000 They're slow because they're twice the size of a normal lion or tiger.

00:30:32.000 They're the size of a lion and a tiger put together.

00:30:34.000 But wouldn't animals be more scared of it, though?

00:30:36.000 So they might actually be pretty decent.

00:30:38.000 Yeah, but they're inert.

00:30:38.000 And animals, just as you saw that lion jumping on a hippo's back, don't give a fuck.

00:30:42.000 This is how brilliant Napoleon Dynamite was.

00:30:45.000 To this day, it's ridiculous to talk about a liger.

00:30:49.000 Yeah.

00:30:49.000 I just was avoiding talking about this animal.

00:30:51.000 I was avoiding talking about this because, you know what?

00:30:54.000 Dude, Napoleon Dynamite already covered this.

00:30:56.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:30:57.000 But you know what?

00:30:57.000 I thought he was joking.

00:30:59.000 No!

00:31:00.000 I thought it was a joke.

00:31:02.000 Most people think it's a joke.

00:31:03.000 They're so ridiculous looking.

00:31:05.000 They're cartoonish.

00:31:05.000 There's the one that you'll see online.

00:31:07.000 I always look for the video.

00:31:09.000 And the one in motion, it's just this amazingly, absurdly huge thing.

00:31:12.000 But it's like, you know, they keep miniaturizing things.

00:31:15.000 I want to see them make things bigger.

00:31:16.000 Well, no, apparently what it is is that the gene for, like, ceasing growth or the gene that limits growth...

00:31:25.000 Is removed when the two mate with each other.

00:31:27.000 When it's like a male tiger, a female lion.

00:31:30.000 I think I got it right.

00:31:31.000 When that happens, the gene for growth, like the gene for regulating growth, gets all fucked up.

00:31:37.000 So they just grow huge.

00:31:39.000 There's one on the other side, too.

00:31:40.000 There's the, not just the liger, but the Thai, I don't know what they're calling it.

00:31:45.000 They're mixing the words together.

00:31:46.000 So now you're talking about You know, like a tiger with a mane.

00:31:50.000 What?

00:31:51.000 Like a bangled tiger with a mane.

00:31:52.000 Oh, dude.

00:31:54.000 That's great.

00:31:55.000 What's that called?

00:31:56.000 Look up a tigre maybe?

00:31:58.000 A tigre?

00:32:00.000 Really?

00:32:00.000 I don't remember.

00:32:01.000 It's when I was looking at those ligers that time and I started seeing all these fucked up animals they've been messing with.

00:32:08.000 It's amazing.

00:32:09.000 Well, I wonder if anybody would like to find out if that happened naturally, the liger thing, or if that was something that people fucked around with.

00:32:17.000 I seem it probably had to...

00:32:18.000 I always look for videos in motion.

00:32:20.000 I won't accept a picture, you know what I mean?

00:32:22.000 Well, I don't think...

00:32:22.000 Fred scratches the surface, Joe Rogan.

00:32:24.000 I understand.

00:32:25.000 You know what I mean?

00:32:25.000 It's a good move.

00:32:25.000 I dig deep.

00:32:26.000 When I go to Wikipedia, I check your sources.

00:32:28.000 And then I check your sources' sources.

00:32:31.000 Has anybody ever been killed by one of these things?

00:32:33.000 I don't think so.

00:32:34.000 A Tygon, this guy says.

00:32:36.000 Tygon, yeah.

00:32:36.000 Let me check out a Tygon, because now I'm...

00:32:39.000 And they're kind of...

00:32:39.000 They're funny looking.

00:32:40.000 Jesus Christ.

00:32:40.000 But the Bengal tiger's the biggest cat, you know.

00:32:43.000 These are cool as fuck.

00:32:44.000 Aren't they?

00:32:45.000 Wow.

00:32:47.000 That's all we need.

00:32:48.000 More giant shit that can kill us.

00:32:50.000 There's a photo of this lady lying on a Tygon.

00:32:55.000 And it's enormous.

00:32:56.000 It's so big.

00:32:57.000 Oh my god, it's big!

00:33:02.000 Dude, I would be scared of a fucking cat that weighs ten pounds.

00:33:07.000 If a cat weighs ten pounds, if a rat weighed five pounds, I'm terrified of a rat.

00:33:12.000 A five pound rat that's coming to try to fuck you up, you know?

00:33:15.000 Can't you just imagine how god damn helpless you would feel if a tiger decided to jack you?

00:33:20.000 Yeah, they have nothing but bad intentions and there's no reasoning with it.

00:33:23.000 Are they nice, the ligers?

00:33:25.000 Are they, like, calmed down?

00:33:26.000 I think they're pretty docile as a result of being man-made and sitting around with only zookeepers and zoologists.

00:33:32.000 So no one's ever been jacked by a liger?

00:33:34.000 You'd have to be a cryptozoologist to even look after one.

00:33:37.000 Has anyone been killed by a liger?

00:33:39.000 I can't believe I'm doing this.

00:33:41.000 Maybe there's a liger up at Folsom.

00:33:42.000 I'll kill folks.

00:33:43.000 Well, that's the problem, man.

00:33:44.000 This fucking Napoleon Dynamite has ruined his ligers.

00:33:46.000 He's made people think it's fictional to the point when I tell people, they're like, yeah, right.

00:33:51.000 I'm like...

00:33:52.000 Has anyone...

00:33:53.000 Liger attack kills animal handler.

00:33:56.000 First fucking page, People Magazine.

00:33:59.000 Nice.

00:34:00.000 Against protocol, handler entered lion-tigered hybrid space during feeding.

00:34:05.000 Oopsies.

00:34:06.000 Wow.

00:34:07.000 An animal handler with thousands of hours of experience has died after being mauled by a 1,000-pound lion-tiger hybrid he was feeding.

00:34:16.000 1,000 pounds.

00:34:18.000 Oh, gosh.

00:34:19.000 1,000 pounds.

00:34:21.000 Half a ton.

00:34:23.000 It says you're talking about an animal that's 20 times more powerful than the human being that was feeding it.

00:34:28.000 One of the most important protocols with these powerful cats in captivity is never enter their enclosure with the animal present, especially when it involves food.

00:34:37.000 Yeah.

00:34:38.000 Jesus Christ.

00:34:39.000 All animal instincts.

00:34:40.000 It's even like even your domestic house cat goes straight for those instincts, those wild instincts.

00:34:44.000 It's like even if you drag a little mouse in front of it, they go right into hunt mode.

00:34:47.000 It's not playtime.

00:34:47.000 It's like, oh my god, that thing's moving.

00:34:48.000 I've got to kill it.

00:34:49.000 What an amazing animal that nature has created.

00:34:52.000 Gorgeous.

00:34:52.000 It's basically this super killer that just keeps all the weak things dead and keeps the population in check.

00:35:00.000 And rests.

00:35:01.000 Yeah.

00:35:01.000 Rests and just chills, rests.

00:35:03.000 And if you look at the spot of the world where the most cattle, the most undulate animals, the most hooved animals are running around, that spot is Africa, right?

00:35:14.000 That's where you get these great hordes of wildebeests and water buffaloes and all these amazing fucking animals.

00:35:21.000 And that's where the big monsters live.

00:35:23.000 They're the cleanup crew, man.

00:35:25.000 They're the genetic cleanup crew.

00:35:27.000 They're there to make sure that only the super healthy ones survive.

00:35:30.000 You make sure you keep your genetics strong because everything is little and weak and slow.

00:35:35.000 We're going to get that monster.

00:35:36.000 Nature always works.

00:35:37.000 And nature even works in our society, I think, a lot more than people know, too.

00:35:41.000 It does, unfortunately.

00:35:43.000 Even as domestic we consider ourselves, don't you think we weed out the weak, chew them up, spit them out, and keep moving on?

00:35:48.000 Yeah, we do.

00:35:49.000 I think there's a balance.

00:35:50.000 I think there's a balance in doing that.

00:35:52.000 I think the weak definitely need to be chewed up.

00:35:54.000 We need to fucking set a standard.

00:35:55.000 We need to kick people in the balls.

00:35:57.000 There's a lot of weak bitches in this world.

00:35:59.000 But we also need to have compassion at the same time.

00:36:01.000 There needs to be a protocol.

00:36:03.000 There needs to be a level of compassion and understanding where you don't want people to suffer.

00:36:09.000 You don't want people to starve.

00:36:10.000 You don't want people who are in bad straits to get...

00:36:12.000 People who just got fucked by life and tornadoes or some horrible thing.

00:36:16.000 You don't want them to be out in the cold.

00:36:18.000 But...

00:36:19.000 You don't want people being weak either.

00:36:20.000 You don't want people being lazy fucks that rely on the government to take care of their bills and they want to sit around and be a welfare douche.

00:36:28.000 There's that too.

00:36:29.000 That's real.

00:36:30.000 So it becomes a weird fine line.

00:36:34.000 Where do you draw it?

00:36:35.000 How do you make the distinction between being a humanitarian person, being a kind person, being You know, a person wants to help their neighbor and being someone who supports laziness, being someone who enables, enables some broken fuck with no discipline to skate through this life.

00:36:51.000 That's the whole idea of like Buddhism though and his whole theory about it is you can't end their suffering, you can just end you feeling sorry for them.

00:36:59.000 You know what I mean?

00:37:00.000 You really can.

00:37:01.000 And not in a bad way.

00:37:02.000 No, you're right.

00:37:02.000 It's like I feel for him, but he's not going to affect me in that way.

00:37:06.000 Well, you can do that with anything.

00:37:07.000 You can do that with the fucking news, man.

00:37:09.000 You can decide that the world is ending every day of the week.

00:37:13.000 Because every day of the week, you can go online and there's some horrible story about some woman who was killed by her boyfriend and chopped up and put in a fucking meat locker.

00:37:20.000 There's a hundred of those.

00:37:21.000 The sky's falling.

00:37:22.000 They're coming every day.

00:37:23.000 The sky's falling everywhere.

00:37:24.000 The sky's falling with riots and that crazy guy in Oslo that killed all those kids.

00:37:29.000 Horrible.

00:37:30.000 Horrible, horrible shit going on somewhere all over the place all the time.

00:37:35.000 If you decide to take all that in, man, at a certain point, there's a balance between being informed and it benefiting you psychologically.

00:37:44.000 There's information and then there's an inundation of information to where now you don't have a clearinghouse.

00:37:49.000 You're not processing it.

00:37:50.000 And now you're leasing out your opinion to those who are giving you all this information.

00:37:54.000 And now you're seeking out particular information that adheres to it.

00:37:58.000 And it's like isolation.

00:37:59.000 And lack of challenge of friends, and people to say, no, well, look at it this way.

00:38:03.000 I have a buddy who gets real political, and thankfully he doesn't live near here, so I don't talk to him very much, but he'll just start yelling and getting angry and angry when I talk to him about, like, politicians.

00:38:13.000 You know, he'll just go fucking crazy.

00:38:14.000 You see that shit on the Senate floor with fucking Bonner and the bullshit that he said?

00:38:18.000 Or Bonner, is that what the guys know?

00:38:20.000 And he'll, like, argue with you and yell with you.

00:38:22.000 Like, yo, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.

00:38:24.000 Yeah.

00:38:25.000 Get your own shit together.

00:38:26.000 Yeah.

00:38:27.000 Okay?

00:38:27.000 You're picking a fight.

00:38:28.000 And so you're paying attention to this crazy stuff.

00:38:31.000 You've got your whole life invested in it.

00:38:33.000 And it's clearly a distraction from your own fucked up life.

00:38:36.000 Which is the theme of what we've been talking about.

00:38:38.000 And it's like, like I was saying, like the Buddha says, it's like end suffering in yourself.

00:38:41.000 Yeah.

00:38:41.000 And you won't be a suffering prick anymore.

00:38:43.000 Because then you won't care about what other people are doing if you just end it in yourself.

00:38:46.000 But then people will say, well, that's ridiculous because then you're saying, you know, don't pay attention to politics, which is not what I'm saying at all.

00:38:52.000 What I'm saying is you've got to regulate what impacts you.

00:38:58.000 You've got to regulate what you take in.

00:39:00.000 Regulate the amount of negativity and positivity.

00:39:02.000 You actually can do that.

00:39:04.000 And have a realistic view.

00:39:05.000 Politics are political.

00:39:07.000 They're politicking.

00:39:07.000 I'm not mad.

00:39:09.000 Well, it's also, if you, like, really take it seriously, you kind of endorse it.

00:39:13.000 And if you endorse it, even though, you know, like, my friend Jamie Kilstein is, like, super political, and he was on the podcast, and Brian and I were talking to him about this.

00:39:20.000 And one of the things that we were saying were, like, do you think that even by...

00:39:24.000 I know that you think it's bullshit, and I know you think there's special interest groups and all these different things that are affecting the government and affecting...

00:39:31.000 But do you think that by, like, really being into it and critiquing it, like, you almost, like, legitimize it?

00:39:37.000 Because you almost, like...

00:39:38.000 You almost say, well, this is a real thing that's going on here.

00:39:41.000 But it's clearly not a real thing.

00:39:43.000 Not anyone can get to the position where they can be president.

00:39:46.000 It's super fucking difficult, man.

00:39:48.000 Every time Ron Paul makes a run, even though his message resonates with so many fucking people, so many people are excited by that guy, so many people love his new radical approach, every single, whether it's NBC, CBS, any news coverage, all makes him look like a joke.

00:40:04.000 They are on purpose forcing him into the joke position.

00:40:08.000 It's so obvious that their news departments are in some way like they have an agenda to mock him because there's no corporation that wants that motherfucker to be in control.

00:40:20.000 There's no one who's in a position of power now that would want that crazy, fucking, non-evolution-believing, brilliant man who has so many important things that make sense to say.

00:40:32.000 Yeah, they wouldn't let him.

00:40:33.000 Fuck they wouldn't let him.

00:40:34.000 If they wouldn't let him, then there is no real running for president.

00:40:38.000 It's fake.

00:40:39.000 It's fake.

00:40:40.000 We have to admit that.

00:40:41.000 We have to.

00:40:42.000 And if you have this conversation, you know, like, well, the Democrats need to do what the Republicans need to do.

00:40:47.000 They're not real.

00:40:48.000 They're not real.

00:40:50.000 This is a corporation.

00:40:51.000 This corporation's running shit, and there's a goddamn opera going on.

00:40:55.000 That's what it's like.

00:40:56.000 It's so antiquated, this form of communication and this play that's playing back between the liberals and the Republicans and this talk radio.

00:41:05.000 It almost seems real.

00:41:08.000 It's one of those things where it's like, and as you step back and look at all the dynamics of it, it's like, you know, the Democrats do it, the Republicans do it.

00:41:14.000 It's like, we get you to not focus on the task at hand.

00:41:16.000 We'll create an enemy.

00:41:17.000 We'll create a fear.

00:41:18.000 We'll create something.

00:41:19.000 And while all of them are running around, you know enough about politics.

00:41:22.000 I do too.

00:41:23.000 But at the end of the day, whether it's George Bush or Barack Obama, I ain't gonna stop smoking dope.

00:41:27.000 I ain't gonna stop having fun.

00:41:28.000 And being curious about shit.

00:41:30.000 You know what I mean?

00:41:30.000 It's like they can run their corporations, just don't fuck with me and I'm fine.

00:41:33.000 Well, that's how it should be, but they don't think that.

00:41:36.000 The government doesn't think that they should give people very much freedom.

00:41:39.000 Because the more freedom you give more people, the more freedom they want.

00:41:42.000 And the more thinking you do.

00:41:43.000 If you keep them suppressed to a certain point, but give them a healthy standard, not too bad, not too crazy, just keep them down a little bit, but not too crazy, you're way better off in the government's eyes than just giving them free reign.

00:41:57.000 Here, Have legalized prostitution here.

00:42:00.000 Have drugs decriminalized here.

00:42:02.000 Make your own choice when it comes to acid and mushrooms and mescaline.

00:42:06.000 It's like you said about Ron Paul.

00:42:07.000 It's like people were surprised Obama got elected.

00:42:09.000 I'm not.

00:42:10.000 He's of the ilk.

00:42:11.000 He's a Harvard man.

00:42:12.000 Finished top of his class.

00:42:13.000 It's all the things we ask of our president he was.

00:42:15.000 He just looked different.

00:42:16.000 But it's all the things we ask of him.

00:42:18.000 And he didn't come.

00:42:19.000 Like Clinton, he was kind of a self-made guy.

00:42:20.000 But it's like he belonged there.

00:42:22.000 You know, and even if you don't like to hear this, George W. Bush came from the ilk.

00:42:26.000 He wasn't, you know, maybe not the intelligence, but he came from the ilk.

00:42:28.000 You know, his intelligence is a questionable thing, and this is why.

00:42:33.000 Have you ever seen some of the videos when he was running for governor of Texas?

00:42:37.000 No, sure, man.

00:42:38.000 He misspoke occasionally.

00:42:40.000 He occasionally misspoke about certain things.

00:42:42.000 But you've got to realize, first of all, these guys are working some insane amount of hours a day.

00:42:48.000 When George Bush was campaigning for president and when he became president, the hours that these fucking guys are accountable a day, it must be staggering.

00:42:56.000 The pressure of being the president must be unbelievable.

00:42:59.000 So, of course, the guy's tired all the time and occasionally he'll say something really stupid because he's only using fucking half his brain.

00:43:05.000 Half his brain's not working right now.

00:43:06.000 Well, that's why it's like I never question, I just don't look, I think...

00:43:10.000 Did you ever see the videos of him when he was running for governor?

00:43:12.000 A lot more fluid and he would speak Spanish a lot too, remember that?

00:43:15.000 Did he really?

00:43:15.000 Yeah, he speaks Spanish pretty fluently.

00:43:18.000 He took Ann Richards' job, right, from her.

00:43:20.000 I think so.

00:43:21.000 Who was very beloved, but she was a Democrat, very rare, but she was still like, I'll pull that electric chair and I'll...

00:43:26.000 Yeah.

00:43:26.000 I'll put you in it.

00:43:27.000 She was kind of badass.

00:43:28.000 She got an Annie Oakley vibe to her.

00:43:29.000 I would love if we had a governor like that.

00:43:31.000 Yeah.

00:43:31.000 There was something about that chick.

00:43:33.000 I mean, I don't know what her policies were, if I would have agreed with everything, but I love the character.

00:43:38.000 Yeah.

00:43:38.000 It's Texas.

00:43:39.000 It's tough Texas broad.

00:43:40.000 It's big, tough Texas politics.

00:43:41.000 Yeah.

00:43:41.000 But she was pretty badass, but he took her over, so it's like...

00:43:44.000 He was good in the beginning, man.

00:43:46.000 You know, if you listen to him talk, you know, people say, oh, well, you know, he fucking owned part of the Houston, was it the Astros?

00:43:53.000 Who did he own?

00:43:54.000 Yeah, he owned the Houston Astros.

00:43:56.000 And they all fucking, it all fell apart.

00:43:57.000 Everything he touched fell apart.

00:43:59.000 Like, hey, it's hard out there, bro.

00:44:00.000 It's hard out there.

00:44:02.000 Hard out there for an heir.

00:44:03.000 I think George Bush provided us with a very unique insight into what being the president is really all about.

00:44:09.000 I think George Bush was the first guy where...

00:44:13.000 I got to look at the president in office and go, okay, it's clearly they're not letting this guy run this.

00:44:20.000 It's as clear as fucking possible.

00:44:22.000 You couldn't make it any more clear.

00:44:23.000 Every time there would be some shit that would go down, you would talk about Dick Cheney being in the bunker.

00:44:27.000 It would be, Dick Cheney is out in the bunker somewhere.

00:44:30.000 Dick Cheney's in the bunker.

00:44:31.000 Where's Bush?

00:44:31.000 Bush is on the roof, standing in the middle of a red circle and white circles around it.

00:44:37.000 They didn't give a fuck about him.

00:44:39.000 They were worried about protecting Cheney.

00:44:41.000 It's all that gangster politics.

00:44:42.000 There's that documentary on right now about Atwater, who's that campaign, the biggest, most famous campaign manager ever, Atwater, what's his first name?

00:44:50.000 He's a Republican strategist.

00:44:52.000 I don't know.

00:44:52.000 He taught Karl Rove how to be a gangster.

00:44:55.000 Really?

00:44:56.000 He was a real architect of it, but he was the one, and it goes back to On a scale of 1 to 10, how gay is Karl Ruhl?

00:45:02.000 Oh, he's 15, 16. Is he like Marcus Bachmann gay?

00:45:05.000 He's handjobs behind Kinko's gay at 1 p.m.

00:45:09.000 Do you think so?

00:45:09.000 You don't think he's got some dude just locked in a basement somewhere sucking his dick every Tuesday?

00:45:14.000 Oh, I forgot the gimp.

00:45:15.000 Yeah, he's got some fucking guy that...

00:45:18.000 Sit on my face, Ramon.

00:45:20.000 Yeah, he takes care of this guy in some locked apartment with assassins outside of every door.

00:45:26.000 Dude, they're some evil people.

00:45:27.000 This guy just screams for him.

00:45:29.000 You fucking bitch!

00:45:31.000 When are you gonna come over here so I can suck your cock and get my weekly job done?

00:45:37.000 This poor guy's just living in a basement waiting for Karl Rove to come over and fuck his mouth and then leave.

00:45:42.000 Oh, God.

00:45:43.000 But those guys, they know what to show you.

00:45:45.000 Show them this and then just show them something else and they'll believe you.

00:45:48.000 He's a monster, that guy.

00:45:49.000 He is a monster.

00:45:50.000 You watch the documentaries talking about him and how he fucking figured out how to pull the strings behind the Bush administration.

00:45:58.000 He's a...

00:45:59.000 Master of it all.

00:46:00.000 Think about making a guy like John Kerry look like a pussy for having volunteered for Vietnam.

00:46:06.000 They made him look like a pussy.

00:46:08.000 They're genius in how they can dissect humans.

00:46:11.000 Hats off.

00:46:11.000 The whole Bush administration was so twisted because they had that guy, Jeff Gannon, that prostitute.

00:46:17.000 The gay prostitute who was the embedded White House reporter.

00:46:20.000 This is before these guys didn't understand the internet.

00:46:23.000 They didn't get it.

00:46:24.000 Which is amazing to think that just in the Bush's administration, they didn't get the internet.

00:46:29.000 It'll never take off.

00:46:30.000 Well, there was a guy who would lob out these softball questions.

00:46:34.000 You remember?

00:46:34.000 Yeah.

00:46:35.000 Yeah, absolutely.

00:46:35.000 You remember him?

00:46:36.000 He would go, Mr. President, when are the Democrats just going to come to their senses and realize that they live in a fantasy land?

00:46:43.000 That was a question he would ask.

00:46:45.000 And then the real reporters would be like, who is this motherfucker?

00:46:48.000 What's going on here?

00:46:49.000 They were looking at this guy, trying to study him.

00:46:53.000 started doing an investigation on him, and they found out that he had some gay military escort service, where it was like him with dog tags on, with a towel over his cock, and he's laying back.

00:47:03.000 This was the embedded White House reporter.

00:47:05.000 This fucking website was on God's internet.

00:47:08.000 Anyone could get on it.

00:47:09.000 Just www.hornyarmycocks.com.

00:47:13.000 These guys are just completely aloof to it.

00:47:14.000 He was a gay escort.

00:47:17.000 He was an embedded White House reporter.

00:47:20.000 He actually stayed overnight once at the White House.

00:47:23.000 He slept at the White House.

00:47:25.000 In the Lincoln bedroom.

00:47:26.000 Is that Carl Rowe's boy?

00:47:28.000 What's going on?

00:47:30.000 That guy's sucking somebody's dick.

00:47:33.000 What's going on there?

00:47:34.000 That whole presidency was so kinky.

00:47:36.000 Handjobs and reacharounds galore.

00:47:38.000 Don't go down that hall!

00:47:39.000 It was so kinky because it was all suppressive.

00:47:42.000 It was all, you know, they didn't want gay marriage.

00:47:44.000 They didn't want this.

00:47:45.000 They didn't want that.

00:47:46.000 It's always like that with conservative brain though.

00:47:48.000 But to be so creepy and so suppressive, most of the people that are really suppressive and creepy like that, they're afraid of it in themselves.

00:47:57.000 They're fighting it in themselves.

00:47:58.000 So if you look at an administration that was marked by this kind of creepy, overly conservative, overly Christian, overly invasive...

00:48:07.000 No butt sex.

00:48:08.000 What was going on with that?

00:48:09.000 What was that?

00:48:10.000 What that was is they were just fucking and they just wanted to keep all the heat off of them.

00:48:13.000 We need to stop this butt fucking...

00:48:15.000 No, they just can't stop, budfuck.

00:48:17.000 They can't.

00:48:18.000 You know who they're going to find?

00:48:19.000 They're going to find bloody underoos in his fucking closet is Joel Osteen, dude.

00:48:24.000 Who?

00:48:24.000 They're going to find Joel Osteen.

00:48:25.000 Joel Osteen.

00:48:26.000 Who's that?

00:48:27.000 He's like the megachurch guy.

00:48:28.000 He has that real creepy smile, likes to talk about the Lord.

00:48:32.000 And has like 18,000 parishioners at his megachurch in fucking Texas.

00:48:36.000 And they go out there and think about if they're all paying him just a buck to be there.

00:48:39.000 He's doing a nice improv gig headlining.

00:48:42.000 No, they're all paying him a hundred bucks each to be there.

00:48:45.000 And he's cleaning up.

00:48:46.000 Dude, that's why it's like guys, it's like Rush Limbaugh, and you'll see guys, they're slowly, Glenn Beck, perfect example.

00:48:52.000 He's slowly moving his way into the religious sect to the point where in the religious sect, you're protected by the religion, you can say anything you want in the money.

00:48:59.000 You don't have to adhere to all that PC bullshit because Fox, he can't, Fox is way too, you know, he needs to let go back.

00:49:07.000 He wants to go talk about fags and niggers and spics and all the shit he wants to say, all the horrible things that even Fox won't let him say.

00:49:13.000 So now it's like if he's a religious guy, if he's a religious nut, he can have his cult, his followers, and it's all under the guise of the Lord.

00:49:20.000 You know, as people always do.

00:49:21.000 The Lord.

00:49:22.000 As long as you pay...

00:49:23.000 But you don't even have to pay taxes.

00:49:25.000 That's the craziest thing about a giant religion.

00:49:27.000 No, your religion, you don't got to pay taxes.

00:49:28.000 That's insane.

00:49:29.000 Have you been following the White House's Twitter?

00:49:32.000 Have you seen this?

00:49:33.000 They Rickrolled somebody the other day.

00:49:35.000 Yeah, they Rickrolled someone.

00:49:35.000 What?

00:49:36.000 I saw your retweet about that.

00:49:37.000 Wait a minute.

00:49:38.000 The White House Rickrolled somebody?

00:49:39.000 Yes, the White House Rickrolled somebody.

00:49:41.000 Is the White House verified?

00:49:42.000 Yes.

00:49:43.000 Oh, it's totally right.

00:49:43.000 Rickrolled.

00:49:44.000 And what is the Twitter name?

00:49:46.000 White House.

00:49:47.000 And then they retweeted somebody that said, like, what the fuck and stuff.

00:49:50.000 I'm like thinking, wow, they're out of control at the White House Twitter.

00:49:55.000 They should not be like, you know, what the fuck on the White House.

00:49:59.000 Did they say WTF? Yeah, they retweeted somebody that said, what the fuck on it.

00:50:02.000 That's pretty dope.

00:50:03.000 Oh, yeah.

00:50:05.000 I mean, when you think about it, man, look, this guy, Obama, is only like a few years older than I am.

00:50:10.000 Yeah.

00:50:10.000 You know, I'm 43. I think he's 49 or something like that.

00:50:13.000 He follows me and you.

00:50:14.000 Yeah, he follows us.

00:50:16.000 Oh, you guys got Obama following?

00:50:17.000 I'm following.

00:50:18.000 He's still not following.

00:50:18.000 I don't know what that means, though.

00:50:19.000 It means I'm on some FBI watch list.

00:50:22.000 Yeah, I think we said something about president.

00:50:23.000 Christina Aguilera has way more hits than the White House does.

00:50:26.000 Really?

00:50:26.000 Yeah, way more followers.

00:50:28.000 My buddy from Ohio called me, and he was talking about this guy that used to live with him.

00:50:34.000 This guy was like one of those guys that always bring home crazy bitches, like the chicks that are getting wasted in domestic violence, like psycho crazy girls.

00:50:41.000 Anyways, he got married, and they went to a wedding, and his wife got completely hammered and fucked up.

00:50:49.000 And started hitting him and doing all this crazy shit at somebody else's wedding.

00:50:53.000 Went into her car and wouldn't get out of the car.

00:50:56.000 So they called the cops.

00:50:57.000 And the cops came and wouldn't get out of the car.

00:51:00.000 And suddenly they had to pull her out.

00:51:02.000 And she pulls out her boob and starts squirting breast milk on the cops.

00:51:06.000 And now she's like hit with five charges including assault on an officer and like Ohio has this law against bodily fluids as a weapon and stuff like that.

00:51:15.000 Yeah, you could.

00:51:16.000 You could be diseased.

00:51:17.000 Yeah.

00:51:17.000 So now she's got like a fifth degree felony.

00:51:19.000 Yeah.

00:51:20.000 And all this crazy shit from squirting breast milk.

00:51:22.000 She might have like a sour titty milk from her crippled nipple.

00:51:24.000 Get it in the eye.

00:51:26.000 I'm really disappointed through Christina Aguilera's Twitter numbers.

00:51:29.000 Why?

00:51:30.000 They're only 536,000.

00:51:31.000 Oh, really?

00:51:32.000 She should be in the millions.

00:51:32.000 Have you seen her lately?

00:51:33.000 I saw her last night on Jay Leno or something.

00:51:36.000 What happened?

00:51:36.000 She's big.

00:51:37.000 She's gotten big.

00:51:38.000 Listen, bro, she's not feeling good about life right now.

00:51:41.000 She needs a man to slow kiss her.

00:51:44.000 Slow kiss her and go down on her and make her feel better and hug her and go to movies with her.

00:51:47.000 She's not getting that right now.

00:51:49.000 No.

00:51:49.000 A little bit lonely?

00:51:50.000 She needs to get that gorilla fucking son.

00:51:53.000 Yeah.

00:51:53.000 She needs to get some straight Congo action.

00:51:55.000 Yeah, just give me a call.

00:51:58.000 Freddie Lockhart, you got so much fucking facial hair going on right now.

00:52:02.000 Girls, you must just reek of man.

00:52:04.000 Yeah!

00:52:04.000 You're just a furry beast.

00:52:06.000 You're a furry animal with your fucking crazy face.

00:52:08.000 I grow the beard for the men who can't.

00:52:10.000 When I see those who can't, I laugh at them.

00:52:12.000 Yeah, right now where I'm filming Fairfactor, I can't have a beard.

00:52:15.000 I should shave.

00:52:16.000 Isn't it the best way, don't you think?

00:52:17.000 They're so gay about it.

00:52:19.000 To have a beard is the easiest way, because if they call you and say, we need you with this or that, you can shave it down.

00:52:23.000 But a beard's the natural easiest way for me.

00:52:26.000 Well, it's comfortable.

00:52:27.000 Yeah.

00:52:28.000 It makes me feel like I'm a man.

00:52:30.000 I'm starting to hate my face when I shave it.

00:52:33.000 Now I'm like, wow, I like the beard more than I like my face.

00:52:36.000 I have too much real estate between my nose and my lip here.

00:52:38.000 This is like a gay conversation.

00:52:40.000 This is proof that we're queer.

00:52:42.000 What's gay is I have a boner and tight jeans.

00:52:44.000 What?

00:52:45.000 Hey, buddy!

00:52:47.000 Hey, you guys like boners?

00:52:48.000 I brought one.

00:52:51.000 What was this thing that you were telling me about that you were reading?

00:52:54.000 We were in the kitchen.

00:52:54.000 I said, save this for the podcast.

00:52:56.000 Some mind control fucking book.

00:52:59.000 Some book about people fucking with your mind.

00:53:01.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:53:01.000 Where you were talking about your enemies.

00:53:03.000 People don't know how to have enemies.

00:53:04.000 Where was this?

00:53:05.000 Is it a book?

00:53:06.000 The book Mind Control.

00:53:08.000 It's called Mind Control.

00:53:09.000 Who wrote it?

00:53:09.000 It's not about Kim Young, I believe it is.

00:53:13.000 Mind Control by Kim Young.

00:53:14.000 Mind Control by Kim Young.

00:53:15.000 I put it out on Twitter before.

00:53:17.000 But it's not one of these where it's like, hey, here's how you can get the edge.

00:53:20.000 It's just one of these where it's like, here's how people see things.

00:53:22.000 And you can see it like this way if you want to, but you don't have to.

00:53:25.000 But you do have enemies.

00:53:26.000 Let's call them detractors.

00:53:27.000 Let's call them whatever we need to call them.

00:53:29.000 But you do have people, like we were talking about people earlier, who wish you ill will.

00:53:33.000 And because I'm aloof to that, because I don't wish them ill will, I'm not aware of that.

00:53:38.000 But these people can be out there and trying to plant things.

00:53:41.000 And I don't want to get paranoid about it.

00:53:43.000 Right.

00:53:43.000 But they will work to better themselves by sullying your progress.

00:53:46.000 But all you can do is the best weapon is be better than him, infinitely, knowing that you're better than him.

00:53:51.000 And they fucking hate that.

00:53:52.000 Well, it's just not even, man.

00:53:54.000 I think the best weapon is just to be positive.

00:53:57.000 Living well.

00:53:58.000 Yeah, and you know what?

00:53:59.000 Every now and then, you're going to have to point it out.

00:54:01.000 Every now and then, if it gets annoying and it gets in the way, you're going to have to expose it.

00:54:04.000 And people can say that that's a negative thing, and it definitely is.

00:54:08.000 It's definitely much less energy is transferred that's negative if you just turn the other cheek and walk away from it.

00:54:15.000 But at a certain point in time, you have an obligation as a human being involved in a community to establish a certain level of behavior, on a friendly level.

00:54:26.000 Knowing human nature and knowing that people, if allowed to, can get very fucking self-centered and be really shitty to each other.

00:54:33.000 And the only reason why they're doing it is because no one's checking them.

00:54:36.000 Either they don't have good friends, or they don't have people that are rational around them, or they don't have people that have just had the balls to step up and go, dude, you're being a cunt.

00:54:44.000 It's that simple.

00:54:45.000 You need peers in life.

00:54:46.000 Social network peers, and I mean physical ones, not on the computer.

00:54:50.000 I mean, physical peers...

00:54:52.000 That's where your checks and balances come from.

00:54:54.000 That's why you stop believing in Santa and shit like that.

00:54:56.000 It's because of your fucking peers.

00:54:58.000 They wise you up.

00:54:59.000 Or they can bring you down.

00:55:00.000 They can bring you down.

00:55:01.000 If you're hanging around, I'll bounce if you're negative.

00:55:03.000 I got no fucking time for it.

00:55:06.000 We got one go around at this life.

00:55:08.000 I'm not a religious dude, so I'm like, this is it.

00:55:10.000 And I'm going to make the most of it, and I'm going to learn as much as I can do.

00:55:13.000 And I will levitate someday, and I will find We all agree.

00:55:16.000 All of us that roll together really have that same sort of sensibility when it comes to things.

00:55:22.000 And I think there's only one way to go through this life.

00:55:26.000 You can choose to be happy.

00:55:27.000 You can choose to have fun.

00:55:29.000 Unless you've got some serious brain issue that you don't need to go to a doctor for.

00:55:31.000 You can choose to it.

00:55:33.000 You can choose to set your sails in a positive direction.

00:55:36.000 And a lot of people just aren't fucking doing that because they're around some idiots that are eating up their time.

00:55:41.000 Right.

00:55:42.000 And you know what happens is most people, they feel like, whether it's after high school or college, they're no longer a student.

00:55:46.000 I think if you're a student and you keep learning and you keep your mind open, you're going to evolve and you're going to remain socially relevant.

00:55:54.000 Well, you know, at a certain point in time, I thought that Once I started doing stand-up comedy, there was going to be a certain point in time where I really felt like a professional.

00:56:02.000 In the beginning, I really felt like I was running on ice skates and slipping all over the place, and I didn't have any solid ground, and I would fall down and get back up.

00:56:10.000 I wasn't convinced I would keep doing it, or could keep doing it, that I would get to a point of expertise where I felt so comfortable that I could just relax and let go.

00:56:20.000 That was always the goal.

00:56:22.000 There's always the goal where you would see a guy like You know, whoever.

00:56:26.000 Name your really good comic on television.

00:56:30.000 Jerry Seinfeld, whoever.

00:56:31.000 Eddie Murphy.

00:56:32.000 You'd see them on TV. There's no fucking way I'll ever hit that level.

00:56:36.000 That guy's at this level of perfection where he could never not be funny.

00:56:40.000 He's just in this super powerful groove.

00:56:43.000 And I'm like, man, what must that feel like to be totally done?

00:56:47.000 You're as good as you can ever get, and you never have to worry about comedy again.

00:56:50.000 You never get nervous before you go on stage because you're fucking Eddie Murphy.

00:56:53.000 Yeah.

00:56:53.000 But then you realize as you get older that that's not real.

00:56:56.000 It never really happens.

00:56:57.000 You always don't know what the fuck you're doing.

00:56:59.000 You always are constantly evolving and working on it.

00:57:03.000 And if you don't, you're going to suck.

00:57:05.000 If you're not always in the hunt and always in the struggle and always writing and always thinking and always performing, you're going to eat some dick up there, dude.

00:57:13.000 If you're not constantly improving, you're going to...

00:57:16.000 So you never feel comfortable.

00:57:18.000 You've got to be comfortable in not being comfortable.

00:57:21.000 Absolutely.

00:57:21.000 And it goes for all walks.

00:57:23.000 Not even just your career, but it's like you've got to put yourself out there.

00:57:25.000 For everything.

00:57:26.000 You've got to find things.

00:57:26.000 For everything.

00:57:27.000 That's the only way you evolve.

00:57:28.000 You know, my girlfriend, sometimes I'm guilty of being too mean to her sometimes because I have a low threshold for whining and complaining.

00:57:34.000 I'm just like, wait, you're not retarded.

00:57:36.000 You're not four.

00:57:36.000 Figure it out.

00:57:37.000 And I'll get like that.

00:57:38.000 That's called the pimp hand.

00:57:39.000 Give me some knuckles for that.

00:57:42.000 Enough of us are rocking it like that.

00:57:44.000 There's a lot of bitches out there that are quitting racquetball because the wife wants that extra hour with you.

00:57:48.000 Yeah, and it's like, here's the thing, and my whole thing, and she...

00:57:51.000 Racquetball?

00:57:53.000 Racquetball?

00:57:53.000 I don't know where that came from.

00:57:54.000 So what is she doing?

00:57:55.000 But the thing is, she's great, and she knows this, but it's like, you know me, it's like, if you're an adult and you're whining or complaining to me...

00:58:02.000 I'll go off on you.

00:58:03.000 If you're a kid, I'll get it.

00:58:04.000 It's like you're a kid.

00:58:05.000 You're new.

00:58:06.000 You're learning shit.

00:58:07.000 Dude, that's how my three-year-old stopped whining.

00:58:08.000 Yeah, it's just my dad would never let me whine.

00:58:10.000 He wouldn't let me whine.

00:58:11.000 I go, this is ridiculous.

00:58:12.000 I keep repeating the same thing over and over again.

00:58:14.000 It should be nice.

00:58:15.000 Yeah, it's just like you can get some perspective and love everything.

00:58:17.000 But my girlfriend's super cool because she's got to put up with a dick like me.

00:58:20.000 I'm like the comic book guy of hip-hop.

00:58:22.000 I'm a dick.

00:58:22.000 Yeah, but you're not a dick.

00:58:24.000 You're a nice guy.

00:58:25.000 What you are is you're not tolerant of stupid shit.

00:58:27.000 And that's not being a dick.

00:58:29.000 I'm not tolerant of stupid shit from intelligent people.

00:58:31.000 Yes.

00:58:32.000 Where people will fall back into that mode, that really negative, windy mode.

00:58:36.000 Yeah, that's not good.

00:58:37.000 That shit's unhealthy as fuck.

00:58:39.000 Yeah, and anybody does that.

00:58:40.000 And she doesn't do that often.

00:58:42.000 When I do, it's just like I turn into such a dick if somebody does.

00:58:45.000 It's a mode, man.

00:58:46.000 We have all these different modes.

00:58:48.000 All of us, we sort of imitate our environment, we imitate our atmosphere, and we lock into some sort of predetermined pattern that we continue to follow through our life with little minimal changes here and there because of horrible fuck-ups.

00:59:02.000 Where you really get humiliated and then you have to rebuild.

00:59:05.000 But don't you always see the forest through the trees and don't you always say, look, I'm not special.

00:59:08.000 People get broken up with all the time.

00:59:10.000 Marriages end all the time.

00:59:12.000 Deaths happen untimely all the time.

00:59:13.000 And so people who let one of these situations dictate their entire life like they're the first fucking person it ever happened to, it's like, look, grieve, feel bad.

00:59:20.000 Feel bad for years if you have to.

00:59:22.000 But eventually, no, this too shall fucking pass.

00:59:24.000 It always does.

00:59:25.000 Yeah, you can say that.

00:59:27.000 But actually, intellectualizing that while you're in emotional pain is almost impossible.

00:59:32.000 And that's the problem.

00:59:34.000 The problem is we're engineered to love each other.

00:59:37.000 We're engineered to get things done by being in tribes and being close to each other.

00:59:43.000 Communal.

00:59:43.000 Yeah, being communal and sharing with each other.

00:59:46.000 We're engineered to love each other's company.

00:59:48.000 So when someone dumps you, no matter what, you could rationalize through the fucking roof.

00:59:54.000 Oh, it's going to be fine.

00:59:55.000 Every dark crowd has a silver lining.

00:59:59.000 Listen, you've got to get through the hard times to get to the good times.

01:00:01.000 Rationalize all you want, but you're going to howl like a baby when that girl leaves you.

01:00:06.000 I would if my girl left me.

01:00:07.000 I can get you slinging their dick.

01:00:10.000 I can get you some toxinplasmosis that really calms them.

01:00:14.000 But you know what the thing is?

01:00:15.000 I would cry, but you know what?

01:00:16.000 I've lived long enough to know that it passes.

01:00:19.000 Yes, it does pass.

01:00:20.000 But you've got to experience it, man.

01:00:21.000 You can tell people that all you want.

01:00:23.000 And I will experience it, so I don't shoo it away either.

01:00:26.000 It's like, you know, even in 32, Joe Rogan, I'll cry if a good movie comes out.

01:00:29.000 I'm not ashamed.

01:00:30.000 I'm not ashamed.

01:00:31.000 I cry in little girls' movies.

01:00:32.000 Dude, I believe that.

01:00:33.000 I cried during Tangled.

01:00:35.000 I was watching Good Will Hunting the other day.

01:00:37.000 It's not your fault.

01:00:38.000 Yeah, but Tangled isn't even real people.

01:00:40.000 Their eyes are too big.

01:00:41.000 They're animated.

01:00:42.000 Hey, hey.

01:00:44.000 Despicable Me made me cry a little bit.

01:00:46.000 Which was Despicable Me?

01:00:47.000 Pixar movies?

01:00:48.000 Steve Carell?

01:00:49.000 That wasn't a Pixar movie.

01:00:50.000 It wasn't?

01:00:51.000 No.

01:00:51.000 I just think they all are.

01:00:52.000 Steve Carell and there's all those little yellow guys everywhere.

01:00:55.000 I have no idea what that one is.

01:00:57.000 What were we saying before that though?

01:01:00.000 I think we were talking about people whining.

01:01:02.000 Oh, it's not my girlfriend.

01:01:03.000 I was using her as a poor example, but I was using her to tell you how big of a dick I become.

01:01:07.000 And she doesn't do it often, but it's like I become very intolerant of people who it's like, you have the intellect.

01:01:12.000 You're capable of doing it.

01:01:13.000 Figure it out.

01:01:14.000 Every answer you need to know is in that computer right there.

01:01:17.000 Every fucking answer you need to know to anything.

01:01:20.000 It's like some friends will ask me, it's like, I can't hook my PlayStation up.

01:01:23.000 There's a tutorial.

01:01:24.000 Some 12-year-old kid on YouTube will show you how to fucking do it.

01:01:27.000 Everything you didn't know is out there.

01:01:29.000 If you're having some shitty times in your life, the best thing to have is good friends.

01:01:33.000 There's nothing that's even close to it.

01:01:35.000 When you're in a shit mood and you just feel like, God damn, man, my life is just not where I want it to be.

01:01:43.000 And you go and hang out with Joey Diaz and Eddie Bravo and Ari and we all get high and go and eat together or something like that.

01:01:49.000 You'll be laughing so much by the end of that.

01:01:52.000 If you have good friends, good friends can get you through any fucking creepy weird shit.

01:01:56.000 Yeah.

01:01:56.000 And there's a lot of people out there that don't have good friends.

01:01:59.000 There's a lot of people out there that really have never sort of fostered any, like, really deep connection with people, really honest connection with people for years and years and years and years to the point where you really, really, really know each other.

01:02:10.000 It's suspicious to me, a dude, say, who comes from his hometown and doesn't have any buddies back home or, you know, something like that.

01:02:16.000 Somebody who can't vouch for his character, you know, from way back.

01:02:19.000 It's like, who are you, Bill Bixby?

01:02:20.000 Tell me why.

01:02:20.000 I only kept a few.

01:02:22.000 I have a few friends.

01:02:23.000 I have like four or five friends from back home that I still keep in touch with.

01:02:28.000 But that's it.

01:02:28.000 There was a bunch that I couldn't after a certain point in time.

01:02:31.000 It whittles down.

01:02:32.000 It's like some of your friends, it's like you're out with them.

01:02:34.000 It's like, you got my back if shit jumps off.

01:02:38.000 I went out with my two buddies, Jimmy Dottilio and Jimmy Lawless, two good friends of mine from back in my high school days.

01:02:47.000 Those are my two closest friends back then and I'm still always in contact with them.

01:02:54.000 Jimmy Lawless is a moderator on my message board.

01:02:57.000 Oh, wow.

01:02:57.000 Yeah, he's a great guy.

01:02:58.000 And we all went out to dinner last time the UFC was in town.

01:03:02.000 I got them tickets for the UFC. Yeah.

01:03:04.000 And then we all went out to dinner.

01:03:04.000 We had some Chinese food.

01:03:05.000 And while we're eating, we're sitting around with Jimmy's kid.

01:03:08.000 It wasn't Jimmy's kid.

01:03:09.000 It was, yeah, Jimmy Lawless's kid.

01:03:11.000 His son was there.

01:03:12.000 His cousin was there.

01:03:13.000 And we're all sitting around together.

01:03:14.000 We're like, look at us.

01:03:15.000 We're like fucking grownups now.

01:03:16.000 How bizarre is this?

01:03:18.000 You have kids.

01:03:18.000 Here's your kid.

01:03:19.000 Your kid's like a polite young teenager.

01:03:21.000 Yeah.

01:03:22.000 But when you say separately from your friends, you all evolved together?

01:03:26.000 What do you mean?

01:03:26.000 Are these the type of friends?

01:03:27.000 Like, you know, I've got friends back home that, you know, we shared an experience as children, but my life, and obviously yours especially, is so much different than it used to be.

01:03:35.000 You know what I mean?

01:03:36.000 Like, a lot of them look at you like you live on the moon or something.

01:03:38.000 Nah, they don't.

01:03:39.000 They know me pretty well.

01:03:40.000 We go and we hang out.

01:03:41.000 It's pretty easy.

01:03:41.000 But I guess what I'm saying is there's guys, it's like I've moved away and some of them just went a different way and have a different set of beliefs.

01:03:47.000 And that's totally understandable.

01:03:48.000 But there's some, even though we grew up apart, evolved together.

01:03:51.000 Like I have a buddy, Scotty G, who took me to the ditch one time in high school.

01:03:55.000 My junior year, his senior year, I was a jock.

01:04:00.000 I was into lifting weights and kicking ass.

01:04:02.000 At least that was what I wanted to be about.

01:04:04.000 But there was part of me that just was so curious about what these dudes are with the weed getting high.

01:04:10.000 Scotty G one time pulls up in his orange bug.

01:04:12.000 He's like, hey, let's ditch and go play pool.

01:04:13.000 I was like, alright.

01:04:15.000 That changed my life.

01:04:16.000 It made me pretty much half of who I am today that day.

01:04:19.000 The one day you ditched school and played pool.

01:04:20.000 The one day I ditched school with Scotty G is because he turned me on in that day to pool, to dope, and to 70s rock and roll music.

01:04:27.000 All in one day?

01:04:28.000 In one day.

01:04:29.000 That's glorious.

01:04:29.000 To this day, me and that guy talk all the time.

01:04:32.000 We had lost touch, but we got back in touch.

01:04:34.000 But we talk all the time because even though it was years apart, we evolved together.

01:04:37.000 What songs were playing?

01:04:38.000 You know, the Joker.

01:04:40.000 I got into Steve Miller.

01:04:42.000 You know what I mean?

01:04:42.000 Like, the basic pool hall song.

01:04:43.000 Steve Miller is the most famous guy that no one can recognize.

01:04:47.000 Oh, yeah.

01:04:47.000 You would have no idea who the fuck Steve Miller is.

01:04:50.000 That's not Lady Gaga.

01:04:51.000 He could be at the grocery store.

01:04:53.000 You'd have no idea.

01:04:53.000 You're standing next to the guy that, you know, sang a million great fucking songs.

01:04:57.000 Yeah, he could probably say his name and I'd still be like, alright, a generic name.

01:04:59.000 Some people call me the space cowboy.

01:05:02.000 What?

01:05:03.000 What?

01:05:03.000 Yeah.

01:05:04.000 Some call me the Joker of Love.

01:05:06.000 Yeah, he's a bad motherfucker.

01:05:08.000 He had a bunch of...

01:05:08.000 Jungle Love, that's a great jam.

01:05:10.000 He had a bunch of great fucking songs, and nobody knows what he looks like.

01:05:13.000 Is there even a photo of him?

01:05:14.000 Would you say that was him?

01:05:15.000 That's ridiculous.

01:05:16.000 That looks like him.

01:05:17.000 That guy works for Microsoft.

01:05:18.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:05:19.000 That's one of Balmer's executives.

01:05:20.000 But there's like guys in your life, it's like you keep buddies that just kind of turn you on to one thing or turn you on to another.

01:05:25.000 And it's like he was one of those guys.

01:05:27.000 And I have other buddies that you just get along with, but for the most part, some can be real weirdos.

01:05:32.000 My two buddies, Jimmy Dottilio and Jimmy Lawless, one of the things that I learned from those guys when I was in high school, they're both Jimmy Dottilio.

01:05:40.000 Yeah, they're both a year older than me.

01:05:41.000 One of the things I learned from both of them was work ethic.

01:05:43.000 These guys both busted their ass.

01:05:46.000 You know, there's that East Coast work ethic that...

01:05:48.000 One of them, Jimmy Dottilio is an electrician.

01:05:51.000 He had his own company right out of high school.

01:05:54.000 He worked for an electrician for like a year and then branched out, got his own business, had people working for him, had vans and shit all over time.

01:06:01.000 He was always working hard, never complained.

01:06:04.000 He helped me deliver newspapers, man, when my fucking car broke down.

01:06:08.000 The Boston Globe?

01:06:10.000 On a Sunday, dude.

01:06:11.000 It was like fucking...

01:06:12.000 I had to pick him up at like 3 o'clock in the morning.

01:06:15.000 I don't even think...

01:06:16.000 I think we stayed up all night.

01:06:17.000 I think what it is, we went out.

01:06:18.000 We went out drinking.

01:06:19.000 We went out to a club.

01:06:21.000 And then he came with me and we fucking drove around and tossed newspapers out the door.

01:06:25.000 Like at 4 in the morning.

01:06:26.000 That's when they're hot off the press, right?

01:06:27.000 Yeah, we had to do it from 4 in the morning to like 9. And he was like, I can't believe you do this every week, you fucking idiot.

01:06:32.000 Yeah.

01:06:32.000 He was laughing, but he still was down to do it.

01:06:35.000 That East Coast work ethic, man.

01:06:38.000 He's a guy who was already working 50 fucking 60 hours a week in his own business.

01:06:42.000 And it can help instill things in you sometimes, too.

01:06:44.000 It's like, okay, cool.

01:06:45.000 I thought I was a lazy cunt.

01:06:47.000 I was not lazy in working out.

01:06:49.000 That was the only thing I was not lazy in.

01:06:51.000 I was not lazy in going to taekwondo class and getting in my work and sparring and training and all that.

01:06:55.000 That was the only thing in my whole life I wasn't lazy at.

01:06:57.000 But then when I would do something I didn't want to do, like a job, I was like, oh.

01:07:01.000 Oh, fuck all this.

01:07:02.000 And for both of those guys, I realized how hard some people work.

01:07:06.000 Jimmy Lawless went on to be a successful contractor, and he got me a job working one summer with his boss.

01:07:14.000 I didn't last very long.

01:07:15.000 I think I did two weeks.

01:07:18.000 We're building a wheelchair ramp for a Knights of Columbus Hall.

01:07:23.000 So for two weeks, all I was doing was carrying cement and pressure-treated lumber.

01:07:29.000 Man work!

01:07:29.000 Dude, so my hands, you know, pressure-treated lumber, they treat it with chemicals.

01:07:33.000 So you get these gnarly-ass fucking splinters in your hand.

01:07:36.000 And where you working as a laborer, man, they're not paying you to buy gloves, dude.

01:07:40.000 You just show up, bitch.

01:07:41.000 You don't get a glove.

01:07:42.000 Just pick it up with your fucking hand.

01:07:43.000 You know, in that East Coast, you know, Boston, it's fucking freezing out.

01:07:47.000 Pick that fucking thing up, the hand.

01:07:48.000 The big hammer!

01:07:49.000 The big hammer!

01:07:49.000 You show up, you do your work.

01:07:51.000 You show up, you do your work.

01:07:52.000 You don't complain.

01:07:53.000 Yeah, and so I lasted two weeks, man.

01:07:55.000 We were carrying bags of cement all day.

01:07:57.000 He was actually like a carpenter's apprentice.

01:08:00.000 He wasn't doing as much grunt work.

01:08:02.000 But everybody, if you want to become a carpenter, you've got to become an apprentice.

01:08:07.000 You've got to work hard.

01:08:08.000 You've got to learn every single aspect of the fucking business.

01:08:12.000 You realize how much hard work is involved.

01:08:14.000 He's huge now?

01:08:15.000 He does really well.

01:08:17.000 He's got his own construction company.

01:08:19.000 Everybody got hit by the economy, especially in that business.

01:08:23.000 Because that business is people doing renovations and doing things they not necessarily need, but they might want.

01:08:30.000 They're elective things.

01:08:31.000 Let's build a new house.

01:08:33.000 So those businesses get hit hard when the economy gets shitty.

01:08:38.000 Which I don't understand at all.

01:08:40.000 Yeah, it's funny because my buddy, Scotty G, he owns a carpet cleaning business and he builds it up.

01:08:45.000 But he showed me that you could be a pothead and driven.

01:08:48.000 That's what it was.

01:08:49.000 It was like he smokes dope on the constant like I do, but the guy owned a super successful carpet business to the point where you had to have somebody...

01:08:55.000 He cleans iced tea in Coco's carpet.

01:08:58.000 That's hilarious.

01:08:59.000 They got a spot out in Chandler, Arizona or something like that.

01:09:02.000 Do you think Coco hangs around the house with her ass hanging out?

01:09:05.000 Apparently so.

01:09:06.000 She does.

01:09:07.000 All the time.

01:09:09.000 And he's just out there cleaning those carpets while her ass is just sticking out.

01:09:12.000 He has minions who can clean it for him, but I think he takes that job himself.

01:09:15.000 Jesus Christ, man.

01:09:17.000 Well, that's a big ass.

01:09:19.000 If you're into big asses, that's the ass.

01:09:21.000 That's a big one.

01:09:22.000 You think it's real?

01:09:23.000 No.

01:09:24.000 I think it's real big, but I think it's not real.

01:09:26.000 I've never seen a white girl with an ass that big with no cellulite.

01:09:28.000 Something happened there, son.

01:09:29.000 They did some work.

01:09:31.000 Yo, man, it's real because I see it, Joe Rogan.

01:09:34.000 Oh, the Ice-T impression returns.

01:09:36.000 You know what's here, man.

01:09:37.000 I heard Ice-T said some shitty thing about me.

01:09:39.000 Really?

01:09:40.000 Yeah, someone was saying that he was happy to go to the fights because he had a CD and he said, Joe Rogan, run his mouth.

01:09:45.000 Maybe he was just joking around.

01:09:47.000 But me, as an old-school Ice-T fan, I was like, damn, Ice-T thinks I talk too much?

01:09:52.000 I run my mouth?

01:09:53.000 Yo, man, I ain't gotta hear Joe Rogan run his mouth.

01:09:57.000 He's talking expert shit.

01:10:00.000 Saying intelligent shit.

01:10:02.000 Have you been watching his show at all?

01:10:04.000 No.

01:10:05.000 I can't have enough room.

01:10:07.000 There's not enough room on the hard drive for another crazy, wacky fucking show that I get addicted to.

01:10:12.000 It's pretty interesting.

01:10:13.000 He's got his dog and everything.

01:10:14.000 The...

01:10:15.000 I got a dope pit bull named Felony!

01:10:18.000 Yeah!

01:10:18.000 Remember that?

01:10:19.000 And he plays video games like a motherfucker.

01:10:20.000 So what you telling me?

01:10:21.000 I love Ice-T, man.

01:10:22.000 I'd like to be buddies with him.

01:10:23.000 I hope that works out someday.

01:10:25.000 I would love to tell him, look, Ice-T, I'm sorry I annoy you when I do my commentary.

01:10:28.000 Can we just hang out a little bit?

01:10:28.000 Is he following you?

01:10:29.000 Can I smoke a giant with you?

01:10:29.000 See if he's following him.

01:10:30.000 Is he following you?

01:10:31.000 I don't think so.

01:10:32.000 His name is like Next Level or something.

01:10:33.000 Yeah, Final Level.

01:10:34.000 Final Level?

01:10:34.000 Because he's a video game guy.

01:10:35.000 He's a freak.

01:10:35.000 Oh, that's right.

01:10:36.000 You know, the Final Level is like the baddest boss of the video game.

01:10:38.000 But I think he should follow you before you him.

01:10:40.000 I think he needs to yield on that shit.

01:10:42.000 Why?

01:10:42.000 I don't care.

01:10:43.000 He's Ice-T, man.

01:10:44.000 Next UFC, you should say something.

01:10:45.000 I would love to.

01:10:47.000 I love the guy.

01:10:47.000 I was a huge Ice-T fan when I was delivering newspapers.

01:10:50.000 I used to listen to fucking Colors.

01:10:52.000 Colors.

01:10:54.000 Yeah, for real.

01:10:56.000 I listened to a lot of Ice-T shit.

01:10:57.000 You don't know me.

01:10:57.000 Original gangster.

01:10:58.000 Let's get butt-naked in...

01:11:00.000 Yeah, I used to have all those on cassette, son.

01:11:03.000 I'd be driving around in my fucking...

01:11:05.000 I had a GMC van that I bought for 500 bucks.

01:11:09.000 Brown with no windows.

01:11:10.000 One of those cargo vans.

01:11:11.000 And I drove that around and delivered newspapers while I was listening to Ice-T. Call those.

01:11:17.000 And then Syndicate and then the biohazard years too.

01:11:21.000 It's weird to be around those guys now.

01:11:23.000 He's amazingly relevant.

01:11:25.000 Isn't that amazing how relevant he's remained?

01:11:27.000 His best work, in my opinion, is in Pimp's Up, Hoes Down.

01:11:30.000 Pimp's Up, Hoes Down.

01:11:31.000 He's telling everybody that he's a primp.

01:11:33.000 That he might go back into the pimp game.

01:11:35.000 I didn't know if he was bullshitting or if he was hustling.

01:11:38.000 But if you talk to Ice-T, Ice-T is always talking about how he's a hustler.

01:11:43.000 So whether or not he ever did any pimping at all is irrelevant.

01:11:47.000 What's relevant in, he talks so much about his pimping that he wind up in a pimp movie.

01:11:52.000 That's what pimping's all about.

01:11:53.000 His pimp hand is strong.

01:11:55.000 The thing is, he gives lectures.

01:11:57.000 If you've seen his show, he goes to colleges, like Ivy League schools and gives lectures.

01:12:01.000 I'm like, that's pretty badass.

01:12:02.000 On what?

01:12:03.000 What does he give lectures on?

01:12:03.000 Just on whatever.

01:12:04.000 On life, man.

01:12:06.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:12:07.000 I would love to get iced tea on the podcast.

01:12:09.000 When life gives you lemons, tell it to suck your dick, Joe Rogan.

01:12:13.000 The only thing that I thought was pretty ridiculous, though, was when he got mad at Soulja Boy for ruling in hip-hop.

01:12:17.000 Did you hear that Soulja Boy's gonna buy that jet?

01:12:19.000 Yeah, 55 mil.

01:12:20.000 55 mil.

01:12:22.000 Is that true?

01:12:22.000 55 mil.

01:12:22.000 Does he really have that much money?

01:12:23.000 Probably not.

01:12:24.000 When Fear Factor gets back on it, let's get a jet.

01:12:27.000 I say let's.

01:12:27.000 He's gonna MC Hammer shit.

01:12:29.000 No, I don't think I ever want a jet.

01:12:31.000 Let's get a helicopter.

01:12:31.000 I'm gonna wait for the next thing after the jet.

01:12:34.000 Yeah.

01:12:35.000 I feel like as soon as the Large Hadron Collider kicks in, we learn some shit, there'll be some things better than a jet.

01:12:40.000 Industrial jetpacks are available.

01:12:42.000 I want a flying saucer, is what I'm saying.

01:12:44.000 Made out of some titanium-type shit that doesn't break.

01:12:48.000 Yeah.

01:12:48.000 Some gravitational, you know, with a solar backup.

01:12:52.000 Holla at your boy.

01:12:52.000 Yeah.

01:12:53.000 Then I'll fly through the sky.

01:12:54.000 Then I'll fly through the sky.

01:12:56.000 I don't want to be driving around in a Model T. You know what I'm saying?

01:12:59.000 That's stupid.

01:13:00.000 I'll wait for the cars to become good to drive.

01:13:02.000 Dude, I want to get myself a mosquito helicopter, a little personal helicopter.

01:13:05.000 What is that?

01:13:05.000 It's a tiny little helicopter, a one-seater.

01:13:07.000 What?

01:13:08.000 They've been selling them since the 70s.

01:13:09.000 How big is it?

01:13:10.000 Tiny.

01:13:10.000 Type in mosquito helicopter.

01:13:12.000 Looks like a tiny Apache war helicopter.

01:13:14.000 Fucking dope.

01:13:15.000 It's like a model helicopter you can fly.

01:13:17.000 You can make one for like a hundred grand.

01:13:19.000 Do you remember those army jeeps you could buy and you could put it together?

01:13:23.000 I remember before I got my first car, I was thinking about buying one of those.

01:13:28.000 Yo, this is crazy.

01:13:29.000 This mosquito helicopter is tiny, man.

01:13:32.000 Watch the dude fly it around, man.

01:13:33.000 They're fucking dope.

01:13:34.000 It needs me one.

01:13:35.000 Wow.

01:13:35.000 How much do these cost?

01:13:36.000 $100,000?

01:13:37.000 This is pretty badass.

01:13:38.000 Space price.

01:13:39.000 I think up to a quarter mil, but I'm talking about...

01:13:41.000 Think about that.

01:13:42.000 You can land on the roof of a club.

01:13:45.000 How good must it feel to fly one of those things high as fuck?

01:13:49.000 Yeah, dude.

01:13:49.000 Let's be honest.

01:13:50.000 It'd be the shit.

01:13:51.000 And those are the baddest I mean, you don't want to crash when you're high as fuck and ruin the cause.

01:13:54.000 He crashed because he was high as fuck!

01:13:56.000 You've got to really know what you're doing before you do that.

01:13:58.000 It's like I wouldn't ever recommend someone who just started smoking weed to drive when you're high.

01:14:02.000 You've got to be a goddamn Jedi Knight on the weed to just think about getting in your car and not worrying about it.

01:14:08.000 I'll negotiate some crazy maneuvers.

01:14:11.000 You've got to be a goddamn Jedi Knight as a driver already, too.

01:14:14.000 You've got to know your shit as both.

01:14:15.000 You know, helicopter pilots have real sophisticated minds in that because you have the rotor and the rudder and you're basically negotiating two completely separate things at once.

01:14:23.000 And these guys can invert and they can go upside down.

01:14:26.000 It's very complicated, it looks like.

01:14:27.000 It looks like a real sensitivity thing.

01:14:29.000 It is.

01:14:29.000 And you know who the most badass motherfuckers are?

01:14:32.000 The Vietnam helicopter pilots.

01:14:33.000 Because you've got to be able to fly, extract men in and out, and take fire.

01:14:36.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:14:37.000 That's why they're all fucking cool and chill, Vietnam helicopter pilots.

01:14:40.000 This is an amazing fucking video.

01:14:43.000 Dude, let's get one.

01:14:45.000 This is incredible.

01:14:46.000 I know this guy that owns a helicopter company here in Los Angeles and during the Carmageddon, for $80 he would pick you up over here and take you to LAX. But the Carmageddon turned out to be nothing.

01:14:59.000 The traffic was really light.

01:15:01.000 Everybody was smart and stayed home.

01:15:04.000 The real Carmageddon is going to be an earthquake when we find out how fucking trapped we really are.

01:15:10.000 Yeah.

01:15:11.000 You ever see the movie Earthquake?

01:15:12.000 Deep Breath.

01:15:12.000 No.

01:15:13.000 Which one was that?

01:15:13.000 Like 72 or something?

01:15:14.000 I think Geraldton Heston's in it.

01:15:16.000 Give me your hand.

01:15:17.000 Really?

01:15:17.000 It's so bad.

01:15:18.000 Like the camera's just shaking.

01:15:20.000 They're like, Earthquake!

01:15:20.000 And I was like, this is like a 30 minute earthquake.

01:15:23.000 I mean, this is going on for a long fucking time.

01:15:26.000 Earthquake lasts about two minutes.

01:15:27.000 I was like, Jesus!

01:15:28.000 I think the one in Japan lasted a long time.

01:15:30.000 Oh yeah, that was like forever.

01:15:31.000 It was just like...

01:15:32.000 I think that might have been like 30 minutes.

01:15:35.000 Jesus.

01:15:35.000 I'd be like, let me off this motherfucker.

01:15:37.000 I would like to find out how many minutes that is.

01:15:40.000 I don't know if it was 30 minutes, but it was on and off for hours.

01:15:44.000 Wasn't it like...

01:15:46.000 Oh, the aftershocks and shit?

01:15:48.000 Yeah.

01:15:48.000 The aftershocks are ruthless, man.

01:15:51.000 You know, aftershocks can be like an 8. When you have an earthquake, that's a 9. You know, 8.9 magnitude.

01:15:57.000 You know, the aftershocks must be incredible.

01:16:00.000 When I was living in, sorry, when I was living in Hollywood in 95, I wasn't here for the 94 earthquake, but I was here right afterwards.

01:16:07.000 Or was it, what was it?

01:16:08.000 The Northridge, 94. What was it, 94?

01:16:09.000 94. I moved here literally two months later.

01:16:13.000 Parts of the highway were still fucking falling over.

01:16:15.000 And I wasn't here for the big one, but I was here for a 5.5.

01:16:18.000 5.5 to 5.7, something like that.

01:16:20.000 I was sitting in my apartment, and all of a sudden, the walls of the apartment went back and forth like I was in a refrigerator box.

01:16:27.000 Isn't that crazy?

01:16:28.000 It didn't even seem real, man.

01:16:29.000 And didn't you feel about that big?

01:16:31.000 Yeah, I felt like I was hallucinating.

01:16:33.000 The walls just started moving.

01:16:34.000 There wasn't even any noise.

01:16:35.000 And then you hear, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump.

01:16:38.000 Like you could hear the earth literally moving and making noise, like rocks sliding next to each other.

01:16:46.000 Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump.

01:16:47.000 That's fucking...

01:16:48.000 What?

01:16:49.000 And don't you feel like...

01:16:50.000 I felt when...

01:16:51.000 Why I remember so well, it was Monday, September 10th, 2001. There was an earthquake.

01:16:57.000 It was about a 4.5.

01:16:58.000 Wow.

01:16:58.000 And it shook me up, and I was reeling from it, and obviously the next day something bigger happened.

01:17:02.000 Right.

01:17:02.000 I mean, maybe it was like that weekend or something, but I remember it was my first moderate earthquake.

01:17:08.000 Now I won't get up unless it's like, you know, shit's really moving.

01:17:11.000 But I was in an apartment at the time.

01:17:12.000 It was swaying.

01:17:13.000 And then it was eerily quiet.

01:17:15.000 And then all of a sudden, yeah, you heard that shifting and shit.

01:17:17.000 But I felt so helpless.

01:17:19.000 I was like, there's nobody you could call.

01:17:20.000 This is one big bad beast.

01:17:22.000 There's nobody who could kick this earthquake's ass.

01:17:24.000 And you feel about that small because you realize, man.

01:17:27.000 And you thank God you don't live in some third world where we're all made of dirt.

01:17:30.000 Do you know what I mean?

01:17:31.000 Yeah.

01:17:31.000 Because it's like we have pretty good infrastructure here and it still will go down.

01:17:34.000 Well, we have to accept the fact that the top...

01:17:37.000 The topographical surface of the earth.

01:17:40.000 The surface of the earth changes.

01:17:42.000 It changes the topography constantly.

01:17:44.000 We know that there's like fish bones and shit that you can find in Montana.

01:17:48.000 Through tectonics?

01:17:50.000 Everything moves.

01:17:52.000 Everything's constantly moving.

01:17:53.000 They know that megalodons, they found megalodon teeth in Montana.

01:17:58.000 So Montana at one point in time was like under the ocean.

01:18:01.000 We know that this whole thing used to be Pangea.

01:18:03.000 It used to be one giant continent and something happened.

01:18:07.000 Supposedly, that's the most widely accepted theory until someone comes up with a better one.

01:18:10.000 Well, I mean, you put all those countries together, they fit.

01:18:13.000 Yeah, and shit changes and moves, man, and we just got to accept that.

01:18:17.000 And sometimes the spot you're at sucks now.

01:18:20.000 It changes.

01:18:21.000 Yeah, the bearing straight, things come along, you seal things up.

01:18:24.000 Or we fucked up, like Japan.

01:18:26.000 Human beings fucked up and created some spot where you can't hang out anymore.

01:18:30.000 We've got to put a fence up around this and put some big skull and crossbones shit, but don't go near.

01:18:36.000 This is it.

01:18:37.000 We broke one of the spots.

01:18:39.000 Yeah, we fucked it up.

01:18:40.000 We broke it for good permanently.

01:18:41.000 Yeah, and the Earth is constantly going to shift.

01:18:44.000 We know for a fact that the North Pole is moving towards Russia at some sort of a crazy pace of like 35 miles a year to the point where the pole is shifting and they apparently had to reroute some planes in Florida.

01:19:00.000 They had to do something to the runway to adjust for the fact that it's moving, the pole is moving in a certain direction.

01:19:06.000 If you could see it visually within even 100 years, that's scary.

01:19:09.000 It's crazy.

01:19:10.000 Apparently, though, that's inevitable.

01:19:12.000 That's just how it always goes.

01:19:14.000 We're confused into thinking that the state that this country is in right now is the state that it stays in forever.

01:19:19.000 Well, that's what we do.

01:19:20.000 We plant our flag here and nothing will change.

01:19:22.000 But it's like in Venice, Italy, they're going under.

01:19:24.000 And there's nothing they can do in Venice.

01:19:26.000 It's just like what happened with Venice here in California.

01:19:29.000 They tried it.

01:19:29.000 It just didn't work out.

01:19:30.000 But it's like eventually...

01:19:32.000 Earth is constantly changing.

01:19:34.000 Venice is going to be gone in 100 years.

01:19:36.000 Gone.

01:19:37.000 Completely submerged.

01:19:38.000 Unless they can come up with some engineering.

01:19:41.000 They could, but you're really fighting things off like in New Orleans.

01:19:44.000 Yeah, well you are, but that's still a possibility.

01:19:47.000 I don't think that's the right way to do it, but try to convince everybody to get out of there.

01:19:53.000 And then everybody wants to go, oh, but the history.

01:19:55.000 Yeah, that's cool.

01:19:56.000 There's some awesome real estate.

01:19:58.000 It's called Atlantis.

01:19:58.000 It's off the coast of Spain.

01:20:00.000 Go out there, too.

01:20:01.000 They didn't want to abandon that shit either.

01:20:03.000 They loved it there, too.

01:20:03.000 They loved it.

01:20:04.000 It was the best civilization ever.

01:20:06.000 And still, things change.

01:20:08.000 Things shift.

01:20:08.000 You've got to keep moving.

01:20:09.000 You know an idea I heard recently that I thought was the most incredible one about, not Easter Island, but the, what do you call it, the Stonehenge?

01:20:20.000 Wintertime.

01:20:20.000 On ice.

01:20:21.000 Ever hear of that one?

01:20:23.000 Wintertime when they moved them on ice?

01:20:24.000 I just did it on ice.

01:20:25.000 You ever heard of that?

01:20:26.000 I guess that would work if you had enough ice.

01:20:28.000 Do they get ice up there?

01:20:29.000 Yeah.

01:20:29.000 I think the weather...

01:20:31.000 Damn, that feels like you would have to have like a...

01:20:33.000 You would have to like really lay it down nice and thick and then even then would support that kind of weight.

01:20:38.000 But they were saying like the idea that there was no tracks, there was no evidence of it.

01:20:41.000 But it's like, you know, when you don't have TV, your mind can come up with creative shit to move things.

01:20:45.000 It's like I don't...

01:20:45.000 Do you think they were put there by aliens?

01:20:47.000 No.

01:20:49.000 Dude, we had the guy from Ancient Aliens on the last podcast, the last episode.

01:20:53.000 I've got to listen to that one.

01:20:54.000 I didn't listen to the last one.

01:20:54.000 Interesting one.

01:20:56.000 You know, he's really a big proponent of what's called the...

01:21:01.000 The ancient alien or alien astronaut theory that, you know, Earth was seeded or at least, you know, we were given some information or some technology at one point in the past by aliens.

01:21:11.000 And he's 100% convinced.

01:21:12.000 I'm not 100% convinced, but I think it's a fascinating topic.

01:21:16.000 You know, it's very sexy, just like Bigfoot.

01:21:18.000 Sure.

01:21:18.000 It's very sexy.

01:21:19.000 It's an interesting topic, you know.

01:21:21.000 I think it's certainly possible.

01:21:23.000 Look, we know that if we can send something to Mars, even if there's not a person in it, just to extrapolate the fact that as technology grows at an exponential rate, you go a thousand years from now, just this society will be able to do something crazy like visit some other planet.

01:21:37.000 So we know that it's...

01:21:39.000 Within the grasp of potential.

01:21:41.000 It's within the grasp of reality.

01:21:43.000 I just feel like the way we are and with the internet and everything now, I think we're doing something monumental in our lifetime.

01:21:47.000 And I mean monumental.

01:21:49.000 I use the Bigfoot thing as an example or Loch Ness, whatever it is.

01:21:53.000 Just something really amazingly monumental that will galvanize the world too, at least for a day or two.

01:21:57.000 And go, holy fucking shit!

01:21:59.000 Yeah.

01:21:59.000 You know what I mean?

01:22:00.000 We have this weird desire to uncover hidden secrets.

01:22:03.000 That's why we love mysteries, man.

01:22:05.000 I got sucked into watching one of those 48-hour mystery shows, those real live shows last night.

01:22:12.000 Wow, that was a good one, too, man.

01:22:13.000 They got me.

01:22:14.000 It was a preacher that killed his wife and the wife and the mother of his children because he was having an affair with his younger, hotter chick.

01:22:21.000 Well, the 48-Hours News magazine.

01:22:23.000 Yeah.

01:22:24.000 When the guy...

01:22:25.000 He's got a great voice.

01:22:26.000 Two hour special on it, man.

01:22:28.000 I watched the shit out of that show.

01:22:29.000 It was creepy as fuck.

01:22:30.000 This dude...

01:22:31.000 I mean, man, he was such an idiot.

01:22:33.000 Like, he left his tracks everywhere.

01:22:35.000 I mean, he did everything wrong, this guy.

01:22:37.000 You know, I mean, from talking to 9-1-1...

01:22:41.000 I mean, he was talking to 911 and supposedly putting clothes on her while he was talking to her.

01:22:46.000 She's dead weight, completely unconscious.

01:22:48.000 And he supposedly has the phone up to his ear.

01:22:50.000 And he's like, he didn't even think it through at all.

01:22:53.000 Some folks just can't be criminals.

01:22:55.000 He's a fucking idiot.

01:22:56.000 But he was banging this hottie She's pretty hot though She's kind of chubby but hot as fuck She's really pretty And he killed her for her And he even told her He told her he killed her to be with her And then she left him And he was like hey man I fucking killed my wife to be with you And you leave me And then she was like oh my god he's going to kill me too So then she started talking to the cops But before then apparently she was Trying to tell the cops Nope, never fucked him We're not having an affair.

01:23:26.000 She denied the affair.

01:23:27.000 And then, you know, he threatened her that she would, you know, he'd kill her if she told anybody.

01:23:32.000 And so then she goes and testifies on the witness stand.

01:23:35.000 But it's so crazy, man, the emotions, the real raw emotions of seeing...

01:23:40.000 That woman who he, you know, was living with.

01:23:43.000 He said he loved her.

01:23:44.000 They were fucked.

01:23:44.000 They were having sex.

01:23:45.000 And she's on the witness stand telling everyone that he killed his wife and that he explained how he did it, how he smothered her with a pillow and how she was gasping for air.

01:23:55.000 And then he thought she was already dead from the pills, but she started gasping for air.

01:23:58.000 So then he smothered her mouth with a pillow.

01:24:01.000 Like this is some dark, dark, dark shit.

01:24:03.000 And all the while they're looking over at the, you know, focused in on the preacher.

01:24:08.000 And his eyes are shifting back and forth and left and right.

01:24:11.000 You're like, whoa, this is so creepy.

01:24:14.000 Dark dude.

01:24:15.000 Why didn't you just break up with her, you fuckhead?

01:24:17.000 Meanwhile, it's the wife of his, the mother of his children, too.

01:24:21.000 He has two cute little girls.

01:24:22.000 You gotta wonder where somebody's mind is when it's like, oh, I'll murder them.

01:24:25.000 That's what I'll do.

01:24:26.000 They're figuring, look, they're bullshitting people all day long with this religion, with this nonsense that they're not living.

01:24:32.000 They're not living this way at all.

01:24:33.000 They're not real Christians.

01:24:35.000 So many of them, they get a taste of that power and the girls are smiling and next thing you know, they're getting their dick sucked in the back room.

01:24:40.000 Well, it's like it works as a perfect disguise for them because not only are you not going to suspect them, they're going to be able to get away with anything they want to all day until it's like, but you know what?

01:24:48.000 Irony always tells you.

01:24:49.000 It's like a guy that's that Against gay people getting married, there's a guy getting dry handjobs on the side from Little Boy.

01:24:54.000 It's a guy that's butt-fucking dudes.

01:24:56.000 You know what I mean?

01:24:56.000 He's packing poop.

01:24:58.000 That's exactly what it is, man.

01:24:59.000 They're trying to throw you off course.

01:25:00.000 They're trying to let you know, I'm on your side, these goddamn queers, what are they doing?

01:25:03.000 It's like they've never done anything to anybody to hurt anybody, and apparently they're staying married a lot more than heterosexuals are.

01:25:10.000 Yeah, they're keeping it together, those queers.

01:25:12.000 Yeah.

01:25:13.000 What do you got there, Brian?

01:25:14.000 What are you holding up?

01:25:15.000 Supposedly this is a video on YouTube that's got like almost six million hits.

01:25:19.000 This guy built Stonehenge by himself.

01:25:21.000 Built his own version of it?

01:25:23.000 Yeah, using only like ropes and wood.

01:25:25.000 Oh, really?

01:25:26.000 Straight pulleys, lepers.

01:25:27.000 Yeah, so it's on YouTube.

01:25:28.000 It's called Building Stonehenge, the man who can move anything.

01:25:32.000 Oh, wow.

01:25:32.000 That's pretty cool.

01:25:33.000 Yeah, I mean, the idea that people always say that it's impossible for people to move those today, I always go, man, how can you say impossible?

01:25:40.000 You can't say impossible.

01:25:41.000 You can't because levers and fulcrums are fucking amazing.

01:25:43.000 They allow men to move massive things.

01:25:46.000 There's a photo online, I guess there's a video of it too, of this gigantic earth-crushing machine that they have in Russia.

01:25:53.000 It's like it digs tunnels, and it's so goddamn big and monstrous, and I wouldn't even know this thing existed.

01:26:01.000 Like a thousand feet If it wasn't for the internet, I would never know this existed.

01:26:07.000 I would think this is just like some fucking...

01:26:08.000 Like a fake machine in a John Carpenter movie about space.

01:26:12.000 You know what I mean?

01:26:13.000 But meanwhile, it is real.

01:26:14.000 And these things can just do insane things to move Earth.

01:26:17.000 Can you stop and think about it, man?

01:26:19.000 Look...

01:26:20.000 Human beings are capable of ingenious feats and whether it's building some giant machine to move things or figuring out some crazy series of levers and wedges and dedicating all this time to doing it.

01:26:33.000 It's very possible that they had some insane technological capabilities that we don't credit them for because it's just too many thousands of years ago.

01:26:43.000 We don't know.

01:26:46.000 During the fire at the Library of Alexandria, we lost everything.

01:26:50.000 We lost all their written work, their history.

01:26:53.000 There's a lot of it.

01:26:54.000 They're trying to piece together what the Egyptians could and couldn't do.

01:26:57.000 I've seen a lot of the ideas of how they got each of the things together, but what surprises me is the geometric and all the accuracy behind it.

01:27:06.000 It's amazing.

01:27:07.000 It's not the lifting that impresses me.

01:27:10.000 It's the geometry to the point more so than any...

01:27:12.000 Any other man-made device can pinpoint things in the world.

01:27:17.000 They did it amazing.

01:27:18.000 They did it so that it's very close to pointing at perfect north, south, east, and west.

01:27:22.000 And they reconciled the lack of perfection with the procession of the equinoxes.

01:27:29.000 Every 26,000 years there's a cycle and the earth wobbles on its axis.

01:27:33.000 So it changes.

01:27:34.000 The night sky changes.

01:27:35.000 So the way it points to certain constellations and stuff is off or on depending on the procession of the equinoxes.

01:27:42.000 So it's amazing what they did mathematically.

01:27:45.000 But it seems to be that it can be done.

01:27:49.000 And it can be done with animals and slave labor, for the love of God.

01:27:54.000 Well, they say, though, that they don't believe it was slave labor.

01:27:56.000 They believe that they were paid well and that they were considered working craftsmen.

01:28:01.000 Maybe it was like the idea of during the Great Depression when they erected the Empire State Building and the The Chrysler Building.

01:28:10.000 It's like, okay, let's provide jobs, and these are great jobs for guys in need of work.

01:28:14.000 It makes sense, right?

01:28:15.000 Come all, come one, come all.

01:28:16.000 We're building this fucking amazing thing in downtown Egypt.

01:28:18.000 But I think they respected people's ability to construct them.

01:28:21.000 I think one of the reasons for this conclusion is that they found some sites, home sites of the workers, and the food that they had, like the bones and stuff, was like...

01:28:31.000 High-end food and that the clothing was fairly high-end.

01:28:35.000 And so what they were looking at was saying, well, these people aren't slaves eating slop.

01:28:39.000 These people seem to be getting good food and good clothing.

01:28:42.000 Oh, wow.

01:28:42.000 Their nutrition showed that.

01:28:44.000 Well, I think they found bones and certain things that indicated that they were eating expensive stuff.

01:28:49.000 So it's like, oh, they're paid workers.

01:28:51.000 These guys are rather skilled workers rather than just thinking of slaves.

01:28:57.000 And possibly brought from all over the world if you're thinking about that because it was a big hub of trade back then too, wasn't it?

01:29:01.000 I just would love – I would be willing to just – how much would you be willing to pay just to go back in time?

01:29:08.000 Just for – let me watch them build it for 20 minutes.

01:29:11.000 Just let me watch them do some shit.

01:29:11.000 It's probably going to be one of those like, oh, duh, pterodactyls.

01:29:16.000 Well, that's the thing.

01:29:17.000 It's like, just because people, this is the arrogance people have in modern times.

01:29:20.000 It's like, look, you know, we knew flat screen TVs were coming in the 70s.

01:29:24.000 We just didn't have the fucking technology, but we wanted them really bad.

01:29:27.000 So that's kind of the same mentality they have.

01:29:29.000 They're like, look, we don't have cranes, so we got to make something, you know, in the meanwhile.

01:29:32.000 God, I would love to have seen it, though.

01:29:34.000 I believe that.

01:29:35.000 I don't, you know, I at one point in time subscribed to the alien theory, but I did it with very little consideration.

01:29:40.000 I did it because I was like, fucking aliens made that.

01:29:42.000 I didn't like sit down and really work it through.

01:29:45.000 Right.

01:29:45.000 Well, people forget to give man credit.

01:29:47.000 We're fucking smart.

01:29:48.000 Well, it's that we're smart, but it's also that we forget shit sometimes.

01:29:52.000 Yeah.

01:29:52.000 And then the people learned some pretty deep and impressive stuff.

01:29:56.000 And then, you know, the small group of people that were concentrating on that died off and other people didn't take up the discipline.

01:30:02.000 And, you know, we lose touch with things.

01:30:04.000 It's just amazing to think that they lost touch with a city.

01:30:07.000 Like, the entire structure was completely abandoned when people found it.

01:30:11.000 You know, the Sphinx was covered in sand.

01:30:14.000 You know, like even when Napoleon found the Sphinx, it was covered to its neck in sand.

01:30:17.000 The place was abandoned.

01:30:18.000 But it's amazing how basically, like you're saying, ignorance can sweep the world to the point where they stop using that psychic eye, that outside thinking.

01:30:26.000 But how bizarre is it that you can actually abandon a whole area?

01:30:31.000 An area that was literally the peak of civilization at one point.

01:30:36.000 Everybody moved out and then moved into far inferior shitholes.

01:30:41.000 That were right down the street.

01:30:43.000 And then they set up shacks and started building shitty houses.

01:30:46.000 Who knows, man?

01:30:47.000 Who knows?

01:30:47.000 I mean, there was a bunch of things that happened.

01:30:50.000 There was political unrest.

01:30:51.000 They were conquered by the Nubians.

01:30:53.000 A lot of things happened to ancient Egypt.

01:30:54.000 The fact that they kept it together as long as they did.

01:30:56.000 All those pharaohs, one after the other, all building pyramids, all building giant fucking monoliths.

01:31:01.000 Meanwhile, the Holy Roman Empire comes together on the other side, too.

01:31:04.000 And it's like, you're talking epic wars with animals and And shit that you can't even begin to imagine.

01:31:10.000 Must have been amazing back then.

01:31:11.000 What a fascinating time it must have been.

01:31:13.000 Traveling all over, bringing spices and shit to trade with.

01:31:16.000 Bringing dope, son.

01:31:18.000 I got the funny endo.

01:31:19.000 If you had to go back and live in that world, you would fucking hate it.

01:31:23.000 You would want to kill yourself.

01:31:24.000 You wouldn't even want to live.

01:31:25.000 But back then, they didn't know any better, and they just kept on trucking.

01:31:29.000 They did, man.

01:31:30.000 They just did.

01:31:30.000 It's like the people who set out Discover America.

01:31:32.000 It's like, eh, this sucks.

01:31:33.000 Let's go see what's over there.

01:31:34.000 And if it sucks, eh, we're fucked.

01:31:37.000 But we'll stay.

01:31:39.000 God damn.

01:31:40.000 And we're going to have to probably do that sometime too.

01:31:42.000 Some shit's going to go down.

01:31:43.000 Some tsunami is going to hit the West Coast.

01:31:45.000 Peel Malibu out into the middle of the ocean.

01:31:48.000 Just giant fucking Johnny Carson-sized estates floating out in the middle of the ocean.

01:31:52.000 The death squad will be up there like Red Dawn in the mountains.

01:31:55.000 Dude, we'll be up there, bro.

01:31:57.000 We'll be up there with fucking canned food.

01:31:58.000 I'll be stuck in Burbank.

01:32:00.000 You won't be stuck, bro.

01:32:01.000 He'll be eating hormel out of the hot can.

01:32:02.000 Brian will be hiking his way over here.

01:32:04.000 Yeah.

01:32:04.000 I'll bring fishing poles.

01:32:05.000 So we're going to go fishing for sure.

01:32:07.000 Fuck yeah.

01:32:07.000 We're going to go to Lake Caste and catch some largemouth baths, son.

01:32:10.000 Perhaps we'll use rubber worms.

01:32:12.000 We don't give a fuck.

01:32:13.000 Why don't you just use your hands?

01:32:14.000 You ever see that shit where they just grab their hands?

01:32:16.000 Catfish.

01:32:17.000 Catfish.

01:32:17.000 They call it noodling for some reason.

01:32:19.000 I can't get with that.

01:32:20.000 That sounds free, dude.

01:32:22.000 The South is one of the least appreciated forms of entertainment.

01:32:26.000 The shit that the people are doing in the South.

01:32:28.000 And they're fishing for these.

01:32:29.000 If you don't know what noodling is, they catch giant-ass catfish.

01:32:33.000 Like 100 pounds.

01:32:34.000 They're monsters.

01:32:34.000 I'll stick my fist down there all.

01:32:35.000 They stick their hand inside the catfish's mouth and they gill him, they grab him and they pull him out.

01:32:42.000 That's insane man!

01:32:44.000 You're letting that giant ass fucking fish bite your arm and you're trying to kill it with your bare hands.

01:32:49.000 They literally have like a life or death Mortal Kombat battle with a giant fish in the water.

01:32:56.000 Probably other than a sturgeon and a couple other fish, one of the biggest fresh-water fishes there is.

01:33:00.000 They get up to 40-something pounds.

01:33:02.000 You figure the biggest bass was, what, 22 and a half pounds?

01:33:05.000 Largemouth.

01:33:06.000 Largemouth?

01:33:06.000 Other than a sea bass or something like that.

01:33:08.000 You're talking catfish get to be the size of medium-sized dogs.

01:33:12.000 Yeah, they get even bigger than that, man.

01:33:13.000 In China, you ever seen some of the ones they have in Thailand and Vietnam?

01:33:17.000 Dude, they're giant!

01:33:19.000 They're basically like sea monsters.

01:33:21.000 They're lionfish.

01:33:22.000 They're probably responsible for a lot of depictions of sea monsters from ancient tradition.

01:33:26.000 They've even said that they'll eat fucking little dogs and shit.

01:33:29.000 They'll eat babies.

01:33:30.000 That's awesome.

01:33:30.000 And you've got a baby floating around the water, a fucking 150-pound catfish comes along.

01:33:34.000 It'll just eat your baby, man.

01:33:35.000 You don't think a baby's been eaten by a catfish sometime in history?

01:33:38.000 Fuck yeah, they have.

01:33:39.000 Dude, I bet there's a video of that shit.

01:33:40.000 There probably is.

01:33:41.000 I don't even want to see it.

01:33:42.000 That would make me feel bad.

01:33:43.000 Yeah, so I want to go.

01:33:45.000 We're going to do it.

01:33:45.000 Are you in town a while, or are we going to go?

01:33:47.000 Yeah, well, I'm filming Fear Factor right now.

01:33:49.000 I'm back to work.

01:33:49.000 How is it going?

01:33:50.000 Very strange.

01:33:51.000 It feels bizarre.

01:33:52.000 Can I come right back and watch?

01:33:53.000 Yeah, sure.

01:33:54.000 I want to come out and watch you.

01:33:55.000 It feels like...

01:33:58.000 Matt Kunitz, one of the producers, said it best.

01:34:00.000 He said, it feels like we all went into a coma and woke up and just started doing Fear Factor again.

01:34:04.000 How many times in history has this ever happened where they took a hit show and brought it back and it's a hit show?

01:34:08.000 Family guy.

01:34:09.000 We don't know if it's a hit show.

01:34:09.000 It could be a total flop.

01:34:10.000 No, you guys are going to be syndicated the globe over.

01:34:12.000 You know that shit.

01:34:13.000 Who knows?

01:34:13.000 Did most of your staff return?

01:34:15.000 Almost everyone.

01:34:16.000 Well, the beauty of Fear Factor...

01:34:19.000 Is that the people behind the scenes are the nicest fucking people in the world.

01:34:23.000 Everyone is so nice.

01:34:24.000 And Rupert, the director, is a great guy.

01:34:26.000 And he has all these cameramen who follow him wherever he goes because he's a great guy to work for.

01:34:30.000 Super supportive, super nice, and very competent and excellent.

01:34:35.000 Director for those kind of action reality shows.

01:34:37.000 He's a genius for that shit.

01:34:39.000 And so he has this grand crew.

01:34:40.000 And then Matt Kunitz is the nicest guy ever.

01:34:42.000 He's one of the executive producers.

01:34:43.000 And he brings his crew.

01:34:44.000 And then David Hurwitz is another one of the nicest fucking people I've ever met.

01:34:47.000 And he brings his crew.

01:34:48.000 So it's like this giant group of really nice people.

01:34:51.000 And almost 80% of them are still working for these same guys.

01:34:55.000 So they brought everybody back together again.

01:34:57.000 The same sound guys, a lot of the same camera guys.

01:34:59.000 I mean, it seems bizarre as fuck.

01:35:01.000 That's how people get shit done.

01:35:03.000 Especially in this town, like I was saying, they don't do that.

01:35:06.000 They don't just bring a show back.

01:35:07.000 It's so weird, like the first day, and I'm like, you know, stare, fear in the eye, and you're on your way to winning $100,000.

01:35:13.000 While I'm saying it, and they're cheering, I'm going, whoa, this doesn't even seem real.

01:35:16.000 I never thought I'd say it.

01:35:17.000 All of a sudden, helicopters are flying overhead, and people are fucking diving off these helicopters.

01:35:23.000 Fucking craziness, man.

01:35:24.000 The other one is still globally syndicated, right?

01:35:27.000 It's still on everywhere.

01:35:27.000 That's what happened.

01:35:29.000 What happened was Fear Factor was on this thing called Chiller.

01:35:32.000 Chiller is one of NBC's little satellite networks, a small network that they have.

01:35:37.000 And they played the replays on Chiller all the time.

01:35:39.000 They got killer ratings.

01:35:41.000 Like, way better than any of the other shows on Chiller.

01:35:43.000 So they were like, well, what are we going to do?

01:35:47.000 They never expected it was going to...

01:35:49.000 Even other NBC affiliates were fighting to get the Fear Factor reruns on their network.

01:35:55.000 Oh, wow.

01:35:56.000 Because it does so good on Chiller.

01:35:57.000 So then someone, I guess Matt Kunitz, goes to NBC and says, Listen, let's fucking bring this bitch back.

01:36:03.000 Come on, son.

01:36:03.000 You know what it was?

01:36:04.000 Because back when you guys were on the air, before it was before the shit was real viral on the internet, and you thrived.

01:36:11.000 But think about now with the internet, because that kind of shit is all great for just a clip.

01:36:14.000 Good scenes, yeah.

01:36:15.000 Good, like, you know, like any crazy stunt, any crazy wild shit that goes down.

01:36:21.000 Yeah, that's definitely going to be good fodder for the internet.

01:36:23.000 But it's also that reality shows were sort of the red-headed stepchild of television back then.

01:36:28.000 There's so many of them now.

01:36:29.000 Right.

01:36:30.000 And so many different game shows.

01:36:31.000 Right.

01:36:32.000 I think Fear Factor and really Survivor first sort of paved the way for this sort of kind of a crazy extreme game show on television.

01:36:41.000 Survivor of course being much more about the people and getting to know them and then living together forever and working together and then the fucking psychological aspect of voting each other off and all that shit.

01:36:53.000 Any of the stunts just insane?

01:36:55.000 Oh dude, they're so nuts.

01:36:56.000 I wish I could fucking tell you them.

01:36:58.000 Some of them are so ridiculous that they had to tell me, Donkey Seaman, they had to tell me and I went, what?

01:37:03.000 I just made that up.

01:37:05.000 They had to tell me the things twice because I was like, what are you talking about?

01:37:10.000 You tell me this again.

01:37:11.000 They're going to do what?

01:37:13.000 So ridiculous.

01:37:14.000 I can't wait.

01:37:15.000 How are you guys going to top yourself?

01:37:17.000 It's in HD too.

01:37:18.000 That's going to be even grosser.

01:37:20.000 When I did used to watch True Factor, I'd watch like this all the time.

01:37:24.000 If I just, for some reason, I thought I'd smell, like I would, my gag would hit if I, I thought I'd smell whatever.

01:37:29.000 Think about the HD factor.

01:37:30.000 They're going deep.

01:37:30.000 Well, that's one of the things they thought about.

01:37:31.000 They've got like a hundred fucking cameras on everything now.

01:37:34.000 Nice.

01:37:34.000 Yeah, they're going to get every angle.

01:37:35.000 Little bugs bursting right in the cage.

01:37:37.000 I remember the one episode where you almost beat a dude up.

01:37:39.000 That was pretty funny.

01:37:40.000 Because he hit somebody, or she, he came up and hit somebody else.

01:37:42.000 His wife did.

01:37:43.000 His wife hit somebody.

01:37:44.000 That was very sad.

01:37:45.000 But it's funny to watch the little doggy roll out of him.

01:37:47.000 No, no, no, no, you listen.

01:37:49.000 When I grabbed him?

01:37:50.000 I thought he was going to hit me, man.

01:37:51.000 Yeah, it looked like he thought he was going to too, and then he realized how out of line he was.

01:37:55.000 Well, when someone grabs you in a Thai clinch, if you don't know what that feeling is like, get caught in what's called the plum, the Muay Thai plum, and you grab the back of someone's neck.

01:38:04.000 You can control the fuck out of someone with that position.

01:38:06.000 Guide them anywhere you want.

01:38:07.000 Yeah, that's my go-to shit.

01:38:08.000 If I think a guy's trying to hit me, I just grab the back of his head.

01:38:11.000 I mean, I shouldn't say my go-to shit, because it's never really happened before.

01:38:14.000 But automatically, in that spot, no one on the show had ever gotten in my face or screamed in my face before.

01:38:20.000 And this guy, we had been told before that he was dangerous.

01:38:23.000 He threw his wife down on television and assaulted a guy on another show.

01:38:26.000 So I was like, this guy, I'm not going to let this dude hit me.

01:38:29.000 But that's the best way to control somebody, man.

01:38:31.000 Grab ahold of their neck like that.

01:38:32.000 Where is that dude now?

01:38:33.000 Do you remember years ago?

01:38:34.000 Probably beating his wife.

01:38:35.000 There was some special ops guy who was trying to sniff you out one night, like...

01:38:40.000 You're at the Comedy Store.

01:38:41.000 I had a special arts guy.

01:38:41.000 Special arts, like Army Ranger or something.

01:38:43.000 He's a big dude.

01:38:44.000 He's about 6'5".

01:38:45.000 And you could tell he was trying to challenge you a little bit.

01:38:47.000 Oh, that idiot that's friends with, what's his face?

01:38:50.000 Yeah, Mike or somebody.

01:38:51.000 No, no, no.

01:38:52.000 Friends with Nick Yusuf.

01:38:53.000 Was he friends with Nick Yusuf?

01:38:54.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:38:55.000 Real talk.

01:38:56.000 He was really mean to Brian.

01:38:57.000 Yeah, he was a big asshole.

01:38:58.000 And then he was trying to sniff around you for a second, but then you did this thing where you stare at him, and there was a stare-off of two dudes sniffing each other.

01:39:06.000 And then all of a sudden, it's like you sent out some mental message.

01:39:10.000 He's like, I got it.

01:39:11.000 And just stood down.

01:39:12.000 I was like, I got it.

01:39:13.000 I understand.

01:39:13.000 Well, he was drunk, and I was trying to tell him that he was drunk.

01:39:16.000 And I was trying to tell him, you know, there's no need for you to be aggressive to me.

01:39:20.000 I'm not doing anything to you.

01:39:21.000 Right.

01:39:22.000 And then, you know, he was talking about the Mencia thing.

01:39:24.000 He was giving me a hard time because it was the night of Mencia, you know, and he was saying that he grew up in Boston.

01:39:29.000 We don't play that way.

01:39:30.000 If you want to kick somebody, if you fucking don't like somebody, you don't just talk about it on stage.

01:39:34.000 You kick the fucking ass.

01:39:35.000 And I go, really?

01:39:36.000 I go, you're not allowed to work things out?

01:39:39.000 You can't talk.

01:39:40.000 You have to beat each other up.

01:39:41.000 He said, yeah.

01:39:41.000 I go, dude, anybody who thinks like that, for sure you haven't been in a lot of fights.

01:39:45.000 I go, you haven't been in a lot of fights.

01:39:46.000 You don't know how to fight.

01:39:48.000 And then he got angry at me.

01:39:49.000 He's like, who the fuck do you think you are?

01:39:50.000 He told me I don't know how to fight.

01:39:51.000 I go, if you knew how to fight, if you'd been in a lot of fights, you'd know that you'd get hurt in fights.

01:39:55.000 You'd break your hands and shit, punch people.

01:39:56.000 You're weakened.

01:39:57.000 Yeah.

01:39:58.000 And you go to jail.

01:39:59.000 You get arrested.

01:40:00.000 I go, it ain't that easy, dude.

01:40:02.000 It's illegal.

01:40:03.000 And by the way, you kick someone's ass, they don't like that.

01:40:05.000 So what do they do?

01:40:06.000 They come back with a bat or they shoot you when you're not looking or they cut your tires every day for the rest of your life.

01:40:11.000 People don't just like getting their ass kicked, man.

01:40:13.000 You're living in some crazy boondock saints fake world where you just get away with shit and move on to the next scene.

01:40:17.000 Exactly.

01:40:17.000 And so I said that to him.

01:40:19.000 I was like, just fucking chill out, man.

01:40:20.000 Leave me alone.

01:40:21.000 I'm not fucking with you.

01:40:22.000 Don't fuck with me.

01:40:23.000 And then he backed away.

01:40:24.000 But then he came again.

01:40:25.000 And then he gave Brian a hard time.

01:40:26.000 It was like intimidating.

01:40:27.000 I remember he came again, but it's like that second time he came again, like you gave him this look, like that look you get when two dudes are about to throw down, even in the way off.

01:40:35.000 You know, like that, yeah.

01:40:36.000 Like you gave him this look that was almost like Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf, and he's like, a keg of beer.

01:40:42.000 And his eyes turned red, I was like, well, because the guy picked up on it, was like, oh.

01:40:46.000 I get it.

01:40:47.000 Well, he's just drunk and stupid and foolish, and poor Nick Yusuf, you know, he's a good dude.

01:40:51.000 Yeah, he's a good guy.

01:40:52.000 But any of those I'm-from-Boston guys, you know, I'm from Chicago, we don't fucking play that way.

01:40:57.000 Badasses come from everywhere.

01:40:58.000 What a ridiculous thing to say, as if you're held to a higher standard.

01:41:02.000 Oh, Boston.

01:41:03.000 You're threatening me with your geographic location.

01:41:05.000 I've met badasses from Des Moines.

01:41:07.000 I don't care where the fuck you're from.

01:41:08.000 A lot of them, by the way.

01:41:10.000 Yeah, wrestlers.

01:41:10.000 There's shit to do out there, but pick each other up and throw each other on their heads.

01:41:13.000 Yeah, badass motherfucker.

01:41:14.000 The last thing you want to do is wrestle some dude who lives in the middle of nowhere.

01:41:18.000 That's why the Iowa Hawkeyes are insane.

01:41:19.000 Especially if they have brothers.

01:41:21.000 They're like those Matt Hughes type characters.

01:41:23.000 You don't want a dude with a brother who lives in the middle of nowhere where they're both athletically superior DNA and they're beating the shit out of each other all day.

01:41:31.000 And your dad's scheduling fights.

01:41:33.000 Time to go fight your brother.

01:41:34.000 You boys need to work it out together.

01:41:37.000 Work it out on your own.

01:41:38.000 You ever see that movie with Steven?

01:41:40.000 See that movie with Stephen Dorff where he goes to prison for shooting a guy or something like that who broke into his house?

01:41:45.000 Like, it shows how he has to adapt to the prison lifestyle because they make you fight every day.

01:41:49.000 No, come on.

01:41:49.000 Stephen Dorff fights in prison?

01:41:51.000 What movie is this?

01:41:51.000 He gets beat up.

01:41:52.000 Is this some straight-to-DVD type shit?

01:41:53.000 Nah, homeboy.

01:41:54.000 This was a hit movie.

01:41:56.000 Come on, son.

01:41:56.000 Do I ever come incorrect with movies?

01:41:59.000 What happened to Cuba Gooding Jr.?

01:42:00.000 He should have never happened.

01:42:02.000 That's what happened.

01:42:02.000 Some dudes just disappear, man.

01:42:04.000 Stephen Dorff, I would say that's one of them, too.

01:42:06.000 He was in goddamn Blade.

01:42:09.000 He's still around.

01:42:10.000 He's still around.

01:42:11.000 But he's not still around.

01:42:12.000 He's about to release that new movie with Christina Ricci.

01:42:15.000 Oh, he is?

01:42:16.000 It's a big movie.

01:42:17.000 I heard one of those guys, I heard something about him and Piven mixing it up before in the bathroom.

01:42:20.000 Him and Jeremy Piven.

01:42:20.000 Yeah.

01:42:21.000 That's beautiful.

01:42:22.000 Playing Who's Bigger Time?

01:42:22.000 I would like to sit down and watch that.

01:42:24.000 Oh, yeah.

01:42:25.000 I'd be like, well, he's got a point, man.

01:42:26.000 He's got a point.

01:42:26.000 No, no, no.

01:42:27.000 He's right, too.

01:42:28.000 Yeah, you would.

01:42:29.000 You'd like to see them both kick the shit out of each other.

01:42:32.000 You know how Max Kellerman sits down on HBO and he has two boxers sit down next to each other and he interviews them and he has them talking, facing each other about what they're going to do?

01:42:39.000 I would like to do that with them.

01:42:42.000 Dude, take me to Fear Factor and take me to a UFC match, will you?

01:42:46.000 Anytime, dude.

01:42:47.000 Anytime.

01:42:47.000 Because I want to get into that because people, a lot of my listeners are now asking me why I don't want to ever talk about it.

01:42:52.000 It's like I said earlier, I won't talk about something I can't talk about intelligently.

01:42:55.000 And it's like I'm just now new to it.

01:42:57.000 I can talk about boxing intelligently.

01:42:58.000 It'll eat up a lot of your time, man.

01:42:59.000 There's a lot of fights to watch.

01:43:00.000 And a lot of things to learn.

01:43:02.000 Do you know who Fedor Emelianenko is?

01:43:04.000 I don't know who anybody is.

01:43:05.000 You know who he is, right?

01:43:07.000 Dan Henderson knocked him out last night.

01:43:08.000 Well, I was hearing about this, and I saw what you were tweeting, and my buddy Scotty G was saying something about a bad call.

01:43:13.000 Well, it looked like, from one angle, it looked like it could have been a little premature, but then from the final angle they showed it, I completely agreed with it.

01:43:21.000 He flatlined.

01:43:22.000 He went out.

01:43:23.000 He got back up.

01:43:24.000 He even got woken up, maybe.

01:43:26.000 He was out for a split second, it looked like.

01:43:30.000 Sometimes people say that a punch can wake you up, but I don't think that that makes a lot of logical sense.

01:43:35.000 People do swear by it.

01:43:36.000 But I think it's just that you get hit as your body is kind of rebooting itself.

01:43:40.000 It probably all happens at the same time, so it probably looks like this is my amateur neurology Point of view.

01:43:46.000 Okay.

01:43:46.000 But point is, he got blasted.

01:43:48.000 Dan Henderson fucking put a whooping on him.

01:43:50.000 That's just no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

01:43:52.000 It was a wild, like, minute and a half, I think, throwdown.

01:43:55.000 They were just swinging leather, and they went to the ground, and Dan Henderson hit this sweet wrestling reversal on him, where he was underneath him in half guard, reaches up, grabs a leg, and ducks under, and comes out the back door, and just blasts him with an uppercut right in the jaw.

01:44:10.000 And Fedor face plants, bonk, flat lines, arms out, and then Henderson blasts him twice in the back of the head, like in the side.

01:44:17.000 I don't know if it was illegal.

01:44:18.000 It looked legal to me.

01:44:19.000 It was borderline, though.

01:44:21.000 Anyway, whatever it is.

01:44:22.000 It was done anyway.

01:44:23.000 Henderson's winning this fight.

01:44:24.000 He's blasting him, and then they stop the fight, and then Fedor rolls over, and everybody was like, premature stoppage.

01:44:30.000 And from one angle, I agreed with it.

01:44:31.000 I said, hmm, that might be premature.

01:44:33.000 But then from the last angle, I looked at it from where Herb Dean could see it, the referee, and he's out.

01:44:38.000 He's out.

01:44:39.000 He got nailed.

01:44:40.000 And then you see him faceplant and he's out.

01:44:42.000 And then he hits him again and he hits him again.

01:44:44.000 And Herb Dean steps in and then he rolls over.

01:44:46.000 So it looks like you should have let him recover, but he wasn't recovering.

01:44:51.000 I think it was ultimately probably a good call.

01:44:53.000 But he's got to err on the side of caution.

01:44:56.000 When he sees a guy flatline like that, he has to assume that guy's not going to recover.

01:45:00.000 Especially when a guy like Dan fucking Henderson is dropping hammers on your head.

01:45:04.000 You know?

01:45:05.000 Dude, they say when you get hit, especially on the side of the head, then your brain just bounces against your brain pan.

01:45:10.000 It's not good to get hit anywhere in the head.

01:45:11.000 There's not, like, one spot that's awesome.

01:45:13.000 Like, ooh, hit me here.

01:45:14.000 Yeah, please, please hit me here.

01:45:15.000 I mean, if you wanted to get hit anywhere, I would say the forehead.

01:45:17.000 But the forehead can really fuck with your equilibrium.

01:45:20.000 Oh, yeah, it makes you sick and shit.

01:45:21.000 No, it makes your balance go.

01:45:23.000 So does your temple.

01:45:24.000 Temple fucks with the equilibrium, whereas, like, a shot to the jaw just, like, shuts everything off.

01:45:29.000 Just shuts the machinery off and the legs go.

01:45:32.000 Yeah, it shuts to the mouth, not jaw.

01:45:34.000 I got knocked.

01:45:35.000 I got hit one time.

01:45:36.000 I hit in the head.

01:45:37.000 And then I got hit.

01:45:38.000 I hit a bumper of a car.

01:45:40.000 Damn!

01:45:40.000 And then I hit the street.

01:45:41.000 Damn!

01:45:41.000 And then my mans and them scooped me up after they all came to.

01:45:44.000 Because some badass Marine came out and challenged all of us.

01:45:46.000 We just kicked ass.

01:45:47.000 We thought we did.

01:45:48.000 And some older dude.

01:45:49.000 We were just a bunch of high school kids.

01:45:50.000 We kicked this dude's ass and that dude's ass.

01:45:52.000 Some older dude, Marine, came out and systematically kicked all of our asses.

01:45:56.000 And that's what happened?

01:45:56.000 You got hit by a car?

01:45:58.000 No, he hit me in the head, and I hit the bumper of a car.

01:46:01.000 Oh, wow.

01:46:02.000 Hit the bumper of a car and hit the pavement, and my guy scooped me up.

01:46:04.000 I never felt it.

01:46:05.000 I just went out, lights out.

01:46:06.000 Wow.

01:46:07.000 He cheap-shotted me, but I'm almost glad he did, because if I would have saw that thing coming, I still couldn't have done anything about it.

01:46:11.000 I thought I was going to get my ass kicked the other day with you.

01:46:13.000 There was some guy screaming in Pasadena after a comedy show, after Joe's show.

01:46:19.000 He was screaming for a taxi or doing something.

01:46:21.000 So I went around the corner and started recording him with my camera.

01:46:24.000 And he goes right in my face, goes, yo, yo, yo.

01:46:26.000 And I thought he was going to hit me.

01:46:28.000 And I'm like, hey, I'll see you later.

01:46:30.000 And then suddenly he's like, no, no, no, you come here, you come here.

01:46:32.000 And then he looks up and everybody from the comedy club is watching.

01:46:36.000 So there was like 30 people in his alley all staring at him.

01:46:39.000 And he looks up like he was going to do something to me.

01:46:42.000 And then he looks up and sees like 30 people staring, watching the whole thing.

01:46:45.000 We weren't just staring.

01:46:46.000 We were walking towards you.

01:46:47.000 We were walking towards you because you got ahead of us because we heard the screams.

01:46:51.000 So we were all hanging out after the show.

01:46:53.000 We hear the screaming at the Ice House.

01:46:55.000 We hear the screaming on the street.

01:46:57.000 We think maybe there's a fight going on or something.

01:46:58.000 So we start walking, and Brian starts running, and he runs with the camera.

01:47:01.000 But we're all walking behind him.

01:47:03.000 And then this guy got super douchey with Brian out of nowhere.

01:47:06.000 And he's like, no, no, no, you're not going anywhere.

01:47:08.000 And then he turns and saw all of us walking towards him.

01:47:10.000 There's like 20 or 30 people.

01:47:12.000 It was the greatest, like, best backup ever.

01:47:17.000 Warriors!

01:47:17.000 Yeah, you don't want to have 30 people walking you away going, oh really, Dick?

01:47:21.000 Yeah, right.

01:47:22.000 Joe's clanking bottles together.

01:47:24.000 He quickly walked away.

01:47:25.000 He was one of those guys that was super eager to meet me before the show started, too.

01:47:28.000 There's certain guys that just have this weird, maniacal need to shake your hand.

01:47:32.000 Oh, he came to the show?

01:47:33.000 Yeah.

01:47:35.000 He was nutty before the show even started.

01:47:37.000 He was nutty.

01:47:38.000 There's certain dudes that just, you know, some people, most people, they just want to friendly shake your hand, hey, nice to meet you.

01:47:43.000 Some people shake your hand, they're like, I just want to touch your soul.

01:47:45.000 I want to take some of you.

01:47:46.000 I want to be right next to you.

01:47:49.000 And then now you're like the DJ on talk radio.

01:47:51.000 Hey, I got this script I'd love you to read.

01:47:52.000 Did you read my script?

01:47:53.000 Read it.

01:47:54.000 There's a lot of people that just think they need to meet you, and then once they meet you, they're going to get the script through, and then all of a sudden they're going to be boondock saint.

01:48:01.000 Yeah.

01:48:01.000 Yeah, because it's on, because it's like I'm the only guy who knows about you, Joe.

01:48:05.000 Do you have guys that, especially when you were on Frank Caliendo's show, did you have guys that were coming to you with sitcom ideas and all kinds of shit like that?

01:48:12.000 Well, the worst is when people who aren't even in the business would submit you ideas.

01:48:15.000 Hey, I got an idea.

01:48:17.000 You don't work in the shop.

01:48:18.000 Why are you trying to talk shop to me?

01:48:20.000 Hey, I'll run this by you.

01:48:21.000 Hey, you should use this in your act.

01:48:22.000 You should shut the fuck up.

01:48:23.000 Yeah, I had a friend that goes, I would like to have you listen to my ideas.

01:48:29.000 But I'm going to need you to sign some paperwork first.

01:48:32.000 He actually said this, because his fucking idea, I'm telling you, it's not that I don't trust you, because these ideas are so good.

01:48:37.000 Oh my god.

01:48:38.000 I go, dude, you can't pay me enough to listen to your crazy fucking idea.

01:48:41.000 What are you talking about?

01:48:43.000 I'm going to go sign paperwork with you, you crackpot.

01:48:45.000 Go do your thing, man.

01:48:46.000 Go do your thing.

01:48:47.000 Go get patent work done.

01:48:48.000 Sign that shit.

01:48:49.000 Go have your new soap fix the world.

01:48:51.000 Fucking idiot.

01:48:51.000 Crazy assholes.

01:48:53.000 But that's this part of the world.

01:48:55.000 It's like people think that they're going to hit this one thing and boom, that's going to change everything.

01:49:00.000 I'll be happy when.

01:49:01.000 Instead of grinding.

01:49:02.000 No one out here knows how to get that grind on.

01:49:04.000 What happened to the jab?

01:49:05.000 What happened to the stick and move?

01:49:06.000 Everybody wants the haymaker.

01:49:07.000 The haymaker.

01:49:08.000 The fucking lands from kicking off the fence and the one punch knockout.

01:49:10.000 No.

01:49:11.000 The grind is where the beauty is, ladies and gentlemen.

01:49:13.000 That's where the fucking human spirit is shown.

01:49:16.000 Slowly, piece together a motherfucking empire!

01:49:19.000 Dun, dun, dun!

01:49:21.000 Freddie Lockhart, speaking of empire, where can all these fine folks see the great Freddie Lockhart perform?

01:49:27.000 Thanks to you, Joe Rogan, that can listen to my podcast.

01:49:29.000 Shazam!

01:49:30.000 That's a podcast brought to you by TuckAndTokeTNT.com.

01:49:33.000 That's my new website.

01:49:34.000 That's my new product.

01:49:34.000 What is it?

01:49:35.000 Say it again?

01:49:35.000 My TuckAndToke, and he forgot to fucking bring you one.

01:49:38.000 Okay, explain this.

01:49:39.000 It's my new sponsor on my show, Scotty G, my good guy who got me turned on to weed and good music and good times.

01:49:46.000 Invented the Tuck and Tuck.

01:49:47.000 And it's great for anybody who wants to get high.

01:49:48.000 It's a sponsor of my show.

01:49:49.000 I won't talk about it too much since you've got your own sponsors.

01:49:51.000 No, you can talk about it.

01:49:52.000 Go ahead, man.

01:49:52.000 Go to tuckandtuck.com.

01:49:54.000 And what it is, it's like a hookah hose.

01:49:55.000 And at the bottom of it, it's a bowl.

01:49:57.000 And you can put it in your mouth while you're crying.

01:49:58.000 Smoke it.

01:49:59.000 It kicks ass against wind.

01:50:00.000 The elements, if you're skiing up in Colorado, if you're at the beach.

01:50:03.000 So it's just a long tube?

01:50:04.000 Is that what it is?

01:50:05.000 It's a long hookah hose with a wooden handle.

01:50:07.000 Are you endorsing this?

01:50:09.000 Did you say while you're driving?

01:50:10.000 Did you really just say that?

01:50:11.000 Yeah, I absolutely did.

01:50:11.000 Why would you ever want to get behind a product that you're trying to sell and you're saying use this and drive?

01:50:18.000 No, I'm not saying use this and drive.

01:50:20.000 I'm saying drive while your girlfriend likes it.

01:50:21.000 Yeah.

01:50:22.000 That's what I'm doing, Joe.

01:50:23.000 Come on.

01:50:23.000 What, do you think I'm new?

01:50:24.000 You think I was born yesterday?

01:50:25.000 How crazy are you to be saying this on the radio internet podcast thingy?

01:50:29.000 So anyway, I didn't say you put pot in there.

01:50:31.000 It's for cigarettes.

01:50:31.000 Not everybody should be doing that.

01:50:33.000 Yeah, not everybody should do that.

01:50:34.000 It's like everything else.

01:50:35.000 Don't listen to your Uncle Fred.

01:50:36.000 Some people can't even handle jerking off.

01:50:38.000 How about that?

01:50:39.000 They can break things.

01:50:40.000 Some people lose their jobs because they can't stop jerking off at work.

01:50:43.000 How about that?

01:50:44.000 Right.

01:50:44.000 And then come see me at the Comedy Store.

01:50:46.000 Yes, when?

01:50:46.000 If you ever come back, that'd be great.

01:50:48.000 Impossible.

01:50:48.000 I know you won't.

01:50:49.000 Can't happen.

01:50:49.000 You're a man of your word.

01:50:50.000 Every weekend at the Comedy Store, listen to the podcast.

01:50:52.000 Go to freddylockhart.com.

01:50:53.000 So the Freddie Lockhart podcast on Death Squad is called What's Good.

01:50:58.000 What's Good.

01:50:59.000 What's Good, Neagle?

01:50:59.000 How many days a week are you doing this?

01:51:01.000 We're doing it once a week now.

01:51:03.000 Once a week?

01:51:03.000 Powerful.

01:51:05.000 This Wednesday, we have one more podcast rocking with...

01:51:08.000 My friend Chris, who changed his fucking name, Chris used to be the guy from the Fleshlight, and he quit working for the Fleshlight and started Onnit Labs, and Onnit is Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T.com, and that's the company that we're working with, and we're putting together this alpha brain package.

01:51:25.000 It works.

01:51:26.000 It fucking works for real.

01:51:28.000 It's not snake oil.

01:51:29.000 Yeah, I just got a couple new bottles.

01:51:31.000 It's not snake oil.

01:51:31.000 I know people are like, you know, what?

01:51:33.000 What are you selling?

01:51:34.000 Yeah.

01:51:35.000 I have a very small stake in this and I really, really believe in it.

01:51:39.000 What it is is nutrients for your brain.

01:51:41.000 It's really that simple.

01:51:42.000 It's all scientist-based chemicals and fucking tests has been done.

01:51:49.000 It pretty much just combines everything that's known to work into one pill.

01:51:54.000 So you're not having 5,000 pills to take.

01:51:56.000 There's plenty of evidence on the internet about there's various supplements that you can take that increase mental function.

01:52:02.000 I know...

01:52:04.000 The football player, Romanowski, Bill Romanowski.

01:52:06.000 Is that his name?

01:52:07.000 Oh, yeah.

01:52:08.000 Yeah.

01:52:10.000 Romanowski had a company called Neuro One, and I took their shit, and it really works.

01:52:17.000 It gives you this heightened sense of awareness.

01:52:20.000 And I found that I could access information easier.

01:52:22.000 I found that my memory worked clear.

01:52:24.000 I found that I felt like I was a little bit more creative, like my thoughts were flowing.

01:52:29.000 And I don't know what these substances do exactly other than I know that they're all herbal and that they're all, you know, they've basically been proven throughout the years to have a subjective effect on people's consciousness.

01:52:40.000 Yeah, you know, I told you I just took a couple the other night, but I was able to get into that laying still in meditation mode that I normally find very hard to get into.

01:52:48.000 It's amazing for dreams.

01:52:49.000 It gives me the most incredible dreams.

01:52:51.000 I don't take it at night because I don't want to have these nutty fucking...

01:52:55.000 You're supposed to take it in the morning because of that.

01:52:56.000 I took it at night but I fall asleep awake so I took that and it was fucking awesome.

01:53:01.000 It's great for jet lag when you fly into some new place.

01:53:06.000 That's when it clears the cobwebs out.

01:53:08.000 I pop three of those bad boys.

01:53:11.000 It's called Alpha Brain.

01:53:12.000 It's on onnit.com.

01:53:15.000 You can only pre-order right now and we'll have Chris on.

01:53:19.000 Aubrey.

01:53:19.000 I'm not calling him Aubrey.

01:53:20.000 Oh, come on.

01:53:21.000 We're having him on.

01:53:22.000 He changed his name.

01:53:22.000 This is Homeboy went to...

01:53:23.000 You're going to love this podcast.

01:53:25.000 It's going to be a lot of fun because he's a brilliant guy.

01:53:26.000 I love him to death.

01:53:27.000 He went to Peru and drank from the vine.

01:53:31.000 He went and had a shamanic experience, several of them, drinking ayahuasca.

01:53:35.000 And he had some sort of an...

01:53:38.000 Revelation that he needed to restart his life by changing his name.

01:53:42.000 Or he murdered somebody and he's going by a different name.

01:53:44.000 He changed his name to his middle name.

01:53:46.000 Did he do Ibogaine or something?

01:53:48.000 No, he did Ayahuasca, which is, you know, literally, that's the spirit shit.

01:53:53.000 That's basically DMT in an oral form.

01:53:56.000 It's the most intense experience you can have, supposedly spiritually.

01:53:58.000 You've told me about that.

01:53:59.000 I'm scared to try it.

01:54:00.000 You should be!

01:54:01.000 But he's going to come out on Wednesday and explain to us why he took on a girl's name.

01:54:05.000 Tell us, and that Wednesday will be when this shit will be for sale.

01:54:09.000 If you don't like it, don't buy it.

01:54:11.000 If you can't afford it, don't buy it.

01:54:12.000 I don't want anybody spending any money that they don't want to spend.

01:54:15.000 I don't want you to ever think that advertising should ever really work on you with any shit like this.

01:54:21.000 But what I am telling you is...

01:54:23.000 As a product, I think there's some merit to this.

01:54:25.000 I think it's a strange combination of nutrients and together in conjunction and when they work together synergistically, I think it has an effect on your mind.

01:54:35.000 I feel it.

01:54:35.000 It gives your brain all full bars is what it does.

01:54:38.000 I think it's legit.

01:54:40.000 And I think it's probably also one of those things that in time, as you continue to do it, it's like when you take vitamins, like I notice...

01:54:47.000 For me, at least, if I stop taking vitamins for like a week or so, I take them, I start taking them again, I'll feel good for one day, and then I'll feel better the next day, and then I'll feel a little bit better, and I'll feel a little more even, and I'll feel a little more energy, I feel a little more, I feel better more with time.

01:55:03.000 So if I'm consistent with vitamins, if I, you know, I get lazy sometimes, and I'll take a couple days off, but if I'm real consistent, after five or six days, that's when I really start to feel, subjectively, I really start to feel the effects, like I feel energetic, I feel really healthy right now.

01:55:16.000 I think a lot of it has to do with a really balanced diet and getting all my nutrients in order.

01:55:20.000 I think that's the same with this shit.

01:55:21.000 Because as I've taken it, the more I've taken it more days in a row, the more I start feeling like really tuned in, man.

01:55:27.000 Because it's like you get your mind, body, and soul, and once you get all those three things hit, and it's so seldom we have it like that, that, that, but if you can find that balance, man, shit.

01:55:34.000 Soul is a silly word.

01:55:35.000 Soul is a funny one.

01:55:36.000 It's like, what are we even talking about here?

01:55:38.000 Soul food, homie.

01:55:39.000 I like that.

01:55:40.000 I like collard greens, son.

01:55:41.000 I'm down with waffles and chicken together.

01:55:43.000 They're a delicious combination.

01:55:45.000 I like that place.

01:55:50.000 It's good.

01:55:51.000 The fake one at the mall is not bad.

01:55:56.000 August 13th, I'm in Milwaukee at the Paps Theater.

01:55:59.000 There's still some tickets available for that.

01:56:01.000 It's going to be a lot of fun.

01:56:02.000 I'll be bringing Joey Diaz with me to Milwaukee.

01:56:05.000 I haven't been back to Milwaukee in a long time, but I'm looking forward to going there.

01:56:10.000 They're having a UFC there, too.

01:56:11.000 That's the home of the Rufus Camp, one of the best Muay Thai camps in America is out of...

01:56:18.000 Milwaukee.

01:56:18.000 And they also have a lot of guys that fight in the UFC. Pat Barry fights for them.

01:56:22.000 Anthony Pettis fights for them.

01:56:23.000 So Milwaukee's a badass town to have a UFC and to do comedy there.

01:56:27.000 Oh, you're doing both there?

01:56:28.000 Yeah.

01:56:28.000 I love doing that.

01:56:30.000 There's nothing more fun for me than when I do, like, a weekend where I do stand-up one night and then the UFC's the next night.

01:56:36.000 That's so awesome.

01:56:37.000 My girlfriend's dad lives in Milwaukee.

01:56:39.000 Can you see the show?

01:56:40.000 Fuck yeah.

01:56:41.000 I'll hook him up.

01:56:42.000 So that's August 13th in Milwaukee at the Pabst Theater.

01:56:45.000 Can't fucking wait for that.

01:56:46.000 Joey Diaz is coming with me.

01:56:47.000 If you've never seen Joey Diaz before, he's bringing the thunder.

01:56:51.000 September 23rd, Joey Diaz and I are at the Paramount Theater in Denver, Colorado.

01:56:57.000 And tickets are selling fast for that, so hop on that shit.

01:57:01.000 The Paramount Theater, we tried to bring him to the Comedy Works, but Joey's banned from the Comedy Works.

01:57:06.000 It was something naughty he did back in his open mic days when he was struggling and clawing and scratching.

01:57:12.000 And so he's banned from the franchise.

01:57:14.000 He can't work the Comedy Works.

01:57:15.000 So we've circumvented the system and brought him into the Paramount Theater.

01:57:19.000 Denver, Colorado.

01:57:20.000 I bring you Joey Diaz!

01:57:21.000 What the fuck?

01:57:22.000 What the fuck, cocksuckers?

01:57:23.000 You gotta see Joey Diaz at one time in your life.

01:57:25.000 It's like, I got to see Kinison live when I was a kid.

01:57:28.000 You know, you need to see Joey Diaz live.

01:57:29.000 That's September 23rd, Denver, Colorado.

01:57:32.000 Holla at ya, boy!

01:57:33.000 So we'll be back next, this Wednesday, this upcoming Wednesday, with my friend Chris Marcus, who wants me to call him Aubrey, but that shit ain't happening!

01:57:41.000 And he's gonna tell us all about how he went into the jungle and took on a girl's name.

01:57:45.000 And I think what we need to do is, I think Ayahuasca gave him a girl's name, Jack Jack Daniels.

01:57:50.000 Give him a fucking man's name.

01:57:52.000 We're gonna take him out.

01:57:53.000 We're gonna give him some shots.

01:57:54.000 We're gonna get him to ban that girly name and come up with something better like Bolt.

01:57:58.000 This is your new name.

01:57:59.000 Clutch.

01:58:00.000 My name's Clutch.

01:58:00.000 Your new name is Rod.

01:58:02.000 Yeah.

01:58:03.000 Granite.

01:58:04.000 Alright, folks.

01:58:05.000 You know we love you bitches.

01:58:08.000 Big kiss.

01:58:08.000 See everybody soon.

01:58:09.000 Oh, and thanks to The Fleshlight.

01:58:11.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for The Fleshlight and enter in the code name ROGAN. You will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men and you will shoot your loads and have a good jolly old time at a discount!

01:58:25.000 Yeah.

01:58:26.000 How the fuck does it get any better out there?

01:58:28.000 Keep on rocking in the free world.

01:58:30.000 Godspeed.

The Joe Rogan Experience - July 31, 2011

Joe Rogan Experience #126 - Freddy Lockhart (Part 2)

Summary

Transcript