The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1293 - Andrew Santino

00:00:02.000 Boom! 0.99

00:00:03.000 And we're live!

00:00:04.000 Chito Santino, ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:06.000 Come you with the hot ones. 1.00

00:00:07.000 Hello, sir.

00:00:07.000 How are you?

00:00:08.000 What's going on, Big Daddy?

00:00:09.000 Good, brother.

00:00:11.000 Just played a little bit of pool and lost a game.

00:00:13.000 And lost one illegitimately.

00:00:16.000 You won one illegitimately, you mean?

00:00:18.000 You lost one illegitimately.

00:00:20.000 I won one, yeah.

00:00:21.000 Scratching is not a good way to win.

00:00:23.000 I scratched on the eight ball, ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:25.000 It is the way to win.

00:00:26.000 It happens, even to the best.

00:00:28.000 But it's a real way to win.

00:00:29.000 I'm good.

00:00:30.000 You must control the cue ball.

00:00:34.000 I have no balance over any of that stuff whatsoever.

00:00:37.000 I know there's those little red dots on there.

00:00:38.000 It means nothing to me.

00:00:40.000 Those little red dots, they call that the measles cue ball.

00:00:43.000 And that cue ball, they develop for television so that you can watch the ball spin, so you know what kind of English the guy puts on the ball.

00:00:50.000 That has nothing to do with the person that's shooting whatsoever.

00:00:52.000 It does.

00:00:57.000 It's a very controversial ball if you really want to get into it.

00:01:00.000 I do.

00:01:00.000 Because it has a different reaction than a red circle cue ball or a red dot cue ball.

00:01:05.000 Those are the preferred cue balls of a lot of players.

00:01:08.000 But the measles cue ball is just maybe the tiniest bit heavier or the surface is different or something.

00:01:17.000 But it's still legal.

00:01:18.000 People use it in tournaments?

00:01:19.000 Yeah.

00:01:19.000 Okay.

00:01:20.000 But some players got angry when they came up with it.

00:01:22.000 They didn't like it.

00:01:23.000 They liked the old cue ball.

00:01:24.000 That's how precise the reactions are.

00:01:27.000 Right.

00:01:27.000 When you get to the very top level of pool players.

00:01:30.000 Well, it's kind of like golf balls.

00:01:31.000 When people think golf balls don't mean anything to golfers, they do.

00:01:33.000 Oh, I'm sure.

00:01:34.000 The feel is...

00:01:35.000 So there's a lot of softer golf balls.

00:01:37.000 Like a lot of people like Titleist makes Pro V1s or Pro V1Xs.

00:01:40.000 Harder or softer. 0.98

00:01:41.000 The average Joe who's full of shit, who's like, I like Pro V1X. It doesn't mean anything to him. 1.00

00:01:46.000 Yeah.

00:01:46.000 Some guy that's like a 15 or 20 handicap, it means nothing.

00:01:49.000 A guy that's like a scratch golfer, like a pro pool player, it makes all the difference.

00:01:54.000 How it comes off the face, how it spins.

00:01:56.000 There's a thing called a mud ball.

00:01:58.000 If it's buried in mud, it reacts differently the moment it comes off the face.

00:02:02.000 Because it has mud on it.

00:02:03.000 Yeah, but it's just even a little bit, right?

00:02:05.000 Oh yeah, that makes sense.

00:02:05.000 Even the tiniest bit.

00:02:06.000 That weight.

00:02:07.000 The thing that's impressive about golfers, too, is they play with a bunch of different weights of clubs.

00:02:12.000 Like a pool player basically uses one cue and maybe one cue to break with.

00:02:17.000 And some players even break with their playing cue.

00:02:19.000 But you don't have a bunch of different cues for a bunch of different shots, usually.

00:02:24.000 Right.

00:02:24.000 Well, that's because the distance is...

00:02:25.000 Well, just get used to the feel of one cue.

00:02:28.000 So when a player changes cues, like say if you go from a...

00:02:31.000 18-ounce cue to a 21-ounce cue.

00:02:33.000 There's a big difference in the way it hits the ball.

00:02:35.000 It drives through the ball different.

00:02:37.000 You have to make the cue do more of the work with a heavy cue.

00:02:40.000 Do you think it mentally changes the way you strike it?

00:02:42.000 Yeah, totally. 0.98

00:02:43.000 It fucks in people's heads. 0.97

00:02:45.000 That's what's so impressive about golfers. 0.98

00:02:46.000 They've got all these different weights.

00:02:47.000 Everything's different shaped.

00:02:49.000 It's different.

00:02:50.000 There's a guy...

00:02:51.000 I think his name is Bryson DeChambeau.

00:02:53.000 I think that's the golfer.

00:02:54.000 All his clubs are cut to the same length, which is really rare.

00:02:57.000 Nobody does that.

00:02:58.000 Almost every club set you get is all different length clubs.

00:03:03.000 People did it years and years ago, but he's one of the only guys on tour that now cuts his clubs to the same length because he mentally wants to have the same exact stance over the ball no matter the shot.

00:03:13.000 It's pretty smart.

00:03:14.000 I mean, it's a cool, interesting concept.

00:03:16.000 A lot of golfers don't know how to adjust that much.

00:03:19.000 I don't know jack shit about golf, but there's guys with weird strokes in pool. 0.88

00:03:24.000 There's guys with weird technique in boxing, and it still works. 0.98

00:03:29.000 There's people that do shit different.

00:03:31.000 I don't think there's any right way in sports. 0.97

00:03:33.000 Some of the ugliest shots in basketball tend to be some of the most fun to watch, and sometimes they're really good. 0.96

00:03:40.000 The classic Ray Allen basketball stroke is probably the most beautiful jump shot compared to him and Jordan, but there are guys that have terrible looking shots, but they're fucking phenomenal. 0.54

00:03:50.000 It's just consistency and their inner balance over the timing that they have and the release that they have.

00:03:57.000 That's got to be the same thing in every sport. 0.99

00:03:59.000 Pool, same shit. 1.00

00:04:01.000 For sure in boxing too. 1.00

00:04:02.000 Yeah.

00:04:19.000 Really low.

00:04:20.000 Yeah, down at his side.

00:04:21.000 And his right hand cocked. 1.00

00:04:21.000 And he would snap that left hand at you like a fucking... 1.00

00:04:25.000 Like a cobra, man. 1.00

00:04:27.000 Just crack.

00:04:28.000 Motor City Cobra. 1.00

00:04:29.000 He would just pop that fucker right in your face. 1.00

00:04:30.000 That's why they used to call him that. 1.00

00:04:32.000 Because he was coming out of fucking nowhere. 0.99

00:04:33.000 The Detroit Hitman. 1.00

00:04:34.000 Tommy Hearns. 1.00

00:04:35.000 He was a bad motherfucker, dude. 1.00

00:04:37.000 And then BANG! He would hit you with that right hand. 1.00

00:04:38.000 And he had so much torque because he was really wide.

00:04:41.000 Yeah.

00:04:41.000 He was really long and wide for a welterweight, man.

00:04:44.000 Look at him at 147 pounds.

00:04:46.000 I think he was probably like 6'2".

00:04:48.000 And just shredded.

00:04:49.000 Reject.

00:04:50.000 And just cracking people.

00:04:51.000 147?

00:04:52.000 Oh yeah.

00:04:53.000 He was a well-to-way champ.

00:04:54.000 You ever see what he looked like when he fought Sugar Ray Leonard?

00:04:56.000 Uh-uh.

00:04:56.000 Oh my god.

00:04:57.000 Yeah, and then he went up to 160, fought Hagler, and got KO'd by Hagler in a crazy slugfest.

00:05:02.000 You ever saw that fight?

00:05:03.000 Uh-uh.

00:05:03.000 Oh!

00:05:04.000 Pull up Marvin Hagler versus Thomas Hearns.

00:05:07.000 This might have been the great...

00:05:09.000 I think it went two rounds.

00:05:10.000 But it might have been the greatest two rounds in the history of the middleweight division.

00:05:14.000 Because these two guys were super skilled.

00:05:16.000 I mean, Marvin Hagler was a brilliant technical boxer.

00:05:19.000 Can switch from southpaw to orthodox, like, fluidly.

00:05:23.000 Like, you didn't even notice a difference.

00:05:25.000 He fought just as good from both sides.

00:05:27.000 And he knocked everybody out.

00:05:28.000 And he had an iron chin. 1.00

00:05:29.000 And Tommy Hearns was murking motherfuckers. 1.00

00:05:31.000 He murked Roberto Duran with one punch. 1.00

00:05:33.000 Just blah, blah, blah!

00:05:35.000 Faceplanted him. 1.00

00:05:35.000 One fucking hit. 1.00

00:05:36.000 One punch, man. 1.00

00:05:37.000 He stung him with one shot.

00:05:39.000 Let him see that first.

00:05:40.000 Here's the build-up.

00:05:42.000 The build-up is Tommy Hearns KOs Roberto Duran.

00:05:47.000 Let's watch that first, and then we're going to go back to Marvin Hagler versus Tommy Hearn.

00:05:52.000 So you get a feel for what it was like.

00:05:54.000 To be able to switch up your stances is so crazy to me, to be able to do that so fluidly.

00:05:58.000 Well, that's one of the brilliant things about Hagler.

00:06:01.000 I mean, he was just so good at that.

00:06:02.000 And it's weird for a guy.

00:06:05.000 I remember the first time I fought a guy who was left-handed.

00:06:07.000 It was super confusing.

00:06:09.000 Everything's coming from the wrong place.

00:06:11.000 Everything is reversed.

00:06:12.000 You've got to get used to it.

00:06:13.000 You don't see it as often.

00:06:15.000 So if you don't see it as often, sometimes it's more effective.

00:06:18.000 But some guys are really good against Southpaw.

00:06:20.000 Some guys have a lightning right hand.

00:06:22.000 And that was one of the speculations about Hagler and Hearns.

00:06:25.000 Because Hearns had this lightning right hand.

00:06:28.000 And Hagler oftentimes fought Southpaw.

00:06:31.000 And that's the counter for Southpaw. 1.00

00:06:32.000 It's a straight right.

00:06:33.000 Now watch this, though.

00:06:35.000 This goes to show you how big he is.

00:06:37.000 Bang! 1.00

00:06:38.000 Dude!

00:06:40.000 Dude!

00:06:41.000 Let's play that again.

00:06:42.000 Look at this.

00:06:43.000 Boom! 0.99

00:06:44.000 Come on, man!

00:06:46.000 When Tommy Hearns murked people, he murked people.

00:06:49.000 And you gotta understand, man, he did this to Roberto Duran.

00:06:52.000 That's fast in slow motion.

00:06:54.000 Dude, he was so fast. 0.99

00:06:56.000 That looks fast even in fucking slow motion. 0.99

00:06:58.000 He was so fast, and he hit so hard. 0.99

00:07:00.000 But now you gotta watch this.

00:07:02.000 And this is Hagler in his prime.

00:07:04.000 He was 30 years old. 0.97

00:07:05.000 He was the undisputed motherfucking middleweight champion of the world. 0.94

00:07:09.000 And most people thought he was the best pound-for-pound fighter on Earth. 0.96

00:07:12.000 And Tommy Hearns, of course, you just saw what he did to Roberto Duran.

00:07:15.000 And it was a lot of speculation.

00:07:18.000 A lot of speculation coming into this fight.

00:07:20.000 And they just went at it from the beginning of the round.

00:07:23.000 There was very little feel-up.

00:07:24.000 It was just constant pressure by Hagler.

00:07:26.000 Right hooks. 0.99

00:07:27.000 Boom! 0.99

00:07:28.000 Boom! 0.99

00:07:28.000 I mean, look at this, bro. 0.99

00:07:29.000 They're going to war! 0.99

00:07:31.000 These are two of the best fucking middleweights ever. 0.99

00:07:34.000 And they're standing in front of each other going to war! 0.98

00:07:38.000 And it doesn't feel like anybody's face.

00:07:39.000 It feels like they're at the exact same energy level, too.

00:07:42.000 Oh, dude.

00:07:43.000 Like, both of them have the same output. 1.00

00:07:44.000 Look at those fucking hooks. 1.00

00:07:45.000 This is a crazy fight, man. 1.00

00:07:47.000 They were throwing full power shots from the moment the fight started.

00:07:52.000 Jesus.

00:07:53.000 And they're right in front of each other, man.

00:07:55.000 And for Hearns, this negates his gigantic reach advantage over almost everybody.

00:07:59.000 Yeah.

00:08:00.000 So Hearns decided to fight this way.

00:08:03.000 He decided to stand right...

00:08:04.000 Look at him!

00:08:05.000 The referee could barely separate him!

00:08:06.000 Hearns decided to stand right in front of Hagler and Hagler decided to stand right in front of Hearns.

00:08:11.000 And now Hearns is moving.

00:08:12.000 See, now this is what Hearns could have done from the beginning and made it interesting.

00:08:17.000 Sticking and moving.

00:08:17.000 But by the time he decided to do that, he was already touched up.

00:08:21.000 And Marvin starts moving in for the kill, that left hand of the body. 0.99

00:08:25.000 Hagler was relentless, and his cardio was fucking supreme. 0.99

00:08:29.000 It was supreme. 0.99

00:08:31.000 He always put pressure on people, and you couldn't hurt him. 0.99

00:08:34.000 He only had one bullshit knockdown his entire career. 1.00

00:08:37.000 It was a bullshit knockdown. 1.00

00:08:38.000 He fought, I think it was Juan Roldan. 0.99

00:08:40.000 And Juan Roldan, kind of like, it was more like a shove, and maybe...

00:08:44.000 Maybe they tripped or something like that, and the referee called it a knockdown. 0.99

00:08:48.000 But I remember thinking, God damn it! 0.97

00:08:50.000 Because Hagler had a weird thing that he was either born with or developed. 0.99

00:08:55.000 He had giant muscles on the side of his head.

00:08:58.000 Like he was born with headgear.

00:09:01.000 I'm not bullshitting.

00:09:03.000 They had him analyzed.

00:09:05.000 This was like a big thing in the world of sports back in the day, that he was literally almost born for this.

00:09:11.000 That's how good Hagler was. 1.00

00:09:12.000 Yeah, these motherfuckers are... 1.00

00:09:14.000 I mean, it's relentless, dude. 1.00

00:09:15.000 They're toed up every time.

00:09:16.000 They're barely looking for any distance between each other.

00:09:19.000 And you've got to realize, man, this is not how people usually fight.

00:09:22.000 They don't throw full power shots with every shot.

00:09:24.000 I mean, they'd be tired within 15 seconds.

00:09:26.000 These guys are just going at it.

00:09:27.000 So I think this was almost like a game of chicken.

00:09:30.000 Both of them knew they were never going to reach the 12th round. 0.99

00:09:32.000 So they said, fuck it, let's just do this. 0.99

00:09:35.000 And Hagler just stood right in front of him, constantly blasting him. 1.00

00:09:39.000 And you see, at the end of the first round, Hearns is wilting.

00:09:42.000 He just does not have the power or the speed or the movement. 0.93

00:09:45.000 See, he's all goofy. 0.95

00:09:47.000 Yeah, he's sloppy. 0.96

00:09:48.000 It's getting real sloppy.

00:09:49.000 He's just exhausted.

00:09:49.000 He's exhausted.

00:09:50.000 But still, the warrior in him is making him throw these fucking bombs, man. 0.99

00:09:55.000 You gotta realize, like, at the time, no one really knew what the fuck was gonna happen in this fight. 0.99

00:09:59.000 And then Hagler heard him. 0.58

00:10:01.000 Yeah.

00:10:01.000 There's a little stumble.

00:10:03.000 And one of Hagler's incredible attributes, besides his skill, was his determination to win, man.

00:10:10.000 He was just, he was a ferocious competitor, man.

00:10:12.000 Just ferocious.

00:10:14.000 And so if someone was willing to engage him in this kind of crazy fight, where you're gonna stand toe-to-toe and see who's the bigger man, oh my god, everyone's gonna die.

00:10:23.000 Hagler's going to take you to the end of the earth, man. 0.63

00:10:27.000 To the end of the earth.

00:10:28.000 I mean, Hagler just looked like he just had still so much left in the tank, even at the end of the first round.

00:10:34.000 Dude, he could do this for years.

00:10:35.000 He's never out of shape.

00:10:37.000 He never partied. 0.98

00:10:38.000 He never did anything stupid. 0.99

00:10:39.000 He didn't have any short... 0.99

00:10:40.000 Never got fat.

00:10:41.000 No?

00:10:41.000 Never got fat.

00:10:42.000 No drugs, no alcohol, no nothing.

00:10:44.000 Nope.

00:10:44.000 And how about this?

00:10:45.000 Retired after the Sugar Ray Leonard fight.

00:10:47.000 Lost a controversial decision to Sugar Ray Leonard that, to this day, I think he won.

00:10:52.000 But it was a close fight.

00:10:53.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:10:54.000 And then just retired and became a fucking movie star in Italy. 1.00

00:10:57.000 That's fucking wild. 1.00

00:10:58.000 Love that guy. 0.98

00:10:59.000 Yeah, but that's the way to do it, huh?

00:11:00.000 Kind of go out at a good prime and then just say goodnight.

00:11:02.000 Yeah, nobody else did it like him, man.

00:11:04.000 Nobody else did it like him.

00:11:05.000 Boom, that's the way he hurt him.

00:11:07.000 Yep.

00:11:07.000 Now he's just moving in for the kill.

00:11:09.000 Moving in for the kill. 0.62

00:11:10.000 Now he's taking his time.

00:11:11.000 Look.

00:11:11.000 See, now it's just nice and relaxed.

00:11:13.000 This is inevitable now.

00:11:15.000 Marvin's just moving in and deciding when he's going to uncork.

00:11:18.000 When he's going to uncork.

00:11:19.000 Moving in.

00:11:20.000 Blocking these shots.

00:11:21.000 He knows that Hearns is hurt.

00:11:23.000 And he starts teeing him up.

00:11:24.000 Boom. 1.00

00:11:25.000 Goddamn. 1.00

00:11:25.000 Right hand. 1.00

00:11:26.000 Right hand.

00:11:27.000 And Hearns is trying to move now.

00:11:28.000 See, now that's how I thought Hearns was going to fight and most people thought Hearns was going to fight from the beginning, like that.

00:11:34.000 Just keep moving, moving, moving.

00:11:35.000 From the outside.

00:11:35.000 Sting him from the outside like that.

00:11:37.000 I mean, that's classic Thomas Hearns.

00:11:39.000 But the warrior and him wanted to find out.

00:11:43.000 You know?

00:11:44.000 They want to find out. 1.00

00:11:45.000 Who's the baddest motherfucker in town? 1.00

00:11:47.000 Who is it? 1.00

00:11:48.000 You know?

00:11:50.000 And you can feel him backing up.

00:11:52.000 It's almost like he knows what's coming.

00:11:54.000 He's getting in some good shots, even though he's creating distance, but even still, it just doesn't feel like he's balanced.

00:11:59.000 See that right there?

00:12:01.000 Boom.

00:12:01.000 He's hurting him now.

00:12:03.000 Hagler's standing right in front of him.

00:12:04.000 He is touching him, but he just doesn't have the pop anymore.

00:12:07.000 You know what it's like when you're working out, and at the end of the workout, you're fucking exhausted, and you can barely do one rep.

00:12:13.000 That's what happens with your arms when you're fighting. 0.61

00:12:15.000 Yeah.

00:12:16.000 There's nothing left in them.

00:12:18.000 There's nothing left.

00:12:18.000 It's not like he's doing this on purpose.

00:12:23.000 There's no gas in his arms.

00:12:24.000 His arms are completely flooded right now.

00:12:28.000 All the blood in them, it's just they're not recovering.

00:12:31.000 It's a horrible feeling, too.

00:12:33.000 He's swinging, though.

00:12:34.000 Look, he's swinging, but it's way slower than it was in the first round.

00:12:37.000 Right, his snap was so much quicker in the first round.

00:12:40.000 Now he's not following through a little bit.

00:12:42.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:12:43.000 He's trying to conserve energy.

00:12:44.000 He realizes he can't do this forever.

00:12:46.000 He's exhausted. 0.97

00:12:47.000 God, they both look like they're fucking at that little breaking point where it's about to be either... 0.97

00:12:52.000 I'm telling you, Hagler, even though he might look like that because it is a fast pace, he could do this for years. 0.99

00:12:58.000 Jesus.

00:12:58.000 He could do this for years.

00:13:00.000 He just didn't get tired, man.

00:13:02.000 And you couldn't hurt him.

00:13:03.000 It was crazy.

00:13:05.000 He fought a dude named John the Beast Mugabe. 0.99

00:13:07.000 And John the Beast Mugabe was fucking terrifying people, man. 0.98

00:13:10.000 He starched Terry Norris. 0.99

00:13:12.000 He starched a bunch of dudes.

00:13:13.000 He was a heavy puncher.

00:13:15.000 Heavy puncher.

00:13:17.000 And Hagler stood right in front of him.

00:13:19.000 And he got caught with one big uppercut and he didn't even budge.

00:13:23.000 Uppercuts that were like murking people.

00:13:25.000 He didn't even flinch?

00:13:26.000 So what round was it?

00:13:27.000 Is it the third round?

00:13:28.000 Beginning of the third, yes.

00:13:29.000 The third round.

00:13:30.000 Here's the third round right here. 0.99

00:13:31.000 This just shows you how fucking tough Tommy Hearns was. 0.98

00:13:35.000 I mean, those two rounds were just fucking knock down, drag out. 0.99

00:13:38.000 Relentless. 0.99

00:13:38.000 Yeah, just non-stop. 0.99

00:13:39.000 But towards the end, you clearly see Hagler's coming on.

00:13:42.000 I mean, he looks good.

00:13:43.000 He looks good, and he's pacing himself now.

00:13:45.000 He's just moving forward, throwing shots.

00:13:49.000 But yeah, Hearns is exhausted, man. 0.99

00:13:51.000 It's fucking rough, man. 0.99

00:13:53.000 There it is. 1.00

00:13:54.000 Boom.

00:13:55.000 Boom.

00:13:56.000 He's trying to keep him off.

00:13:57.000 Yeah, he's trying to keep him.

00:13:58.000 Right.

00:13:59.000 He's having a hard time breathing, though, man.

00:14:01.000 I mean, he's exhausted.

00:14:02.000 See that?

00:14:02.000 Big, deep breath.

00:14:05.000 When you take that big sigh, it's almost like, uh-uh, uh-uh.

00:14:08.000 Somebody lost a mouthpiece, I think.

00:14:11.000 Is that what it was?

00:14:12.000 He called his time?

00:14:13.000 Yeah, I think that's what happened.

00:14:15.000 I don't know, man.

00:14:16.000 It's hard to tell.

00:14:17.000 It's really blurry footage.

00:14:18.000 I was just going to say, man, 240p was weird back then, huh?

00:14:21.000 It looked normal to us back then.

00:14:22.000 Your eyes knew how to handle it, right?

00:14:24.000 Well, you were just excited that you could see the fight.

00:14:26.000 Right.

00:14:27.000 You know?

00:14:27.000 But this wasn't...

00:14:28.000 I wonder if this would have looked like when it was on HBO. Had to have been.

00:14:31.000 I looked a little better on those TVs.

00:14:33.000 Do you know HBO just canceled boxing?

00:14:35.000 They don't have boxing anymore?

00:14:37.000 At all.

00:14:38.000 At all.

00:14:39.000 Just pay-per-view now?

00:14:40.000 They don't even do pay-per-view.

00:14:41.000 They're out of the boxing business.

00:14:42.000 What?

00:14:43.000 Yeah.

00:14:44.000 Isn't that crazy?

00:14:44.000 So they'll never...

00:14:45.000 Oh, here it is.

00:14:47.000 And he's moving.

00:14:48.000 Boom.

00:14:49.000 Right hand.

00:14:49.000 Boom.

00:14:50.000 Oh, it's done.

00:14:50.000 That's it.

00:14:51.000 He knew it. 1.00

00:14:52.000 Damn. 1.00

00:14:53.000 Damn. 1.00

00:14:53.000 That's it. 1.00

00:14:54.000 Third round.

00:14:55.000 Gone.

00:14:55.000 I always miss this.

00:14:56.000 I always think it's the second round for some reason.

00:14:58.000 I think we've actually gone over this before.

00:15:00.000 But third round.

00:15:01.000 Yeah, man.

00:15:02.000 They don't have boxing anymore.

00:15:04.000 HBO got out of the boxing business.

00:15:06.000 What do you think that's because of?

00:15:07.000 It's not earning enough money anymore?

00:15:08.000 I don't know.

00:15:10.000 It makes me sad, though.

00:15:11.000 They had some of the greatest boxing telecasts of all time.

00:15:14.000 I mean, that was what you would do.

00:15:16.000 If a big fight was on, Bernard Hopkins was on, a lot of the times it was on HBO. And if it was on pay-per-view, then you knew it was going to be on HBO the following week.

00:15:25.000 So even if you couldn't afford the pay-per-view, you'd hang in there.

00:15:28.000 A week later, you knew who won, but you could watch the fight on HBO. I remember watching fights on HBO... I just remember that HBO boxing being such like an emblematic thing.

00:15:39.000 You know what I mean?

00:15:40.000 It's so recognizable.

00:15:41.000 So like pay-per-view and HBO. So them get out of the game is so strange.

00:15:45.000 It's kind of like the revolution that's happening now.

00:15:47.000 The last fight I went to with you at UFC, now they're ESPN players.

00:15:51.000 What is it?

00:15:51.000 Plus.

00:15:52.000 ESPN Plus?

00:15:52.000 That's what it is?

00:15:53.000 Yeah.

00:15:53.000 It's a private paid service?

00:15:55.000 It's a subscription service.

00:15:57.000 Right.

00:15:58.000 Like a Netflix for sports.

00:15:59.000 But it's not just UFC fights.

00:16:02.000 It's a bunch of other stuff?

00:16:03.000 Wow. 1.00

00:16:04.000 All kinds of shit. 0.99

00:16:05.000 Stuff that just won't show on ESPN at all, though. 0.99

00:16:07.000 No, they sometimes show...

00:16:09.000 I mean, it's ESPN content, I guess.

00:16:12.000 So you could watch some fights that were on ESPN Plus.

00:16:17.000 Later, they'll probably show them on ESPN. Sort of like the same thing with HBO. Right.

00:16:21.000 Pay-per-view.

00:16:21.000 Yeah.

00:16:22.000 You know?

00:16:23.000 But I think what HBO did with pay-per-view was brilliant.

00:16:26.000 Where you would have the pay-per-view, but then let people watch it for free a week later.

00:16:29.000 You're just going to make more fans.

00:16:30.000 Yeah.

00:16:30.000 It's like you're not going to lose money on the pay-per-view.

00:16:32.000 Yeah.

00:16:32.000 You're just going to make more fans.

00:16:33.000 Right.

00:16:34.000 Well, that's the whole idea of like, that's why this is funny.

00:16:37.000 I was going to talk to you about this anyway.

00:16:39.000 I just moved and I canceled my DirecTV.

00:16:42.000 I'm done.

00:16:42.000 I canceled them.

00:16:43.000 I cut the wire and I'm just doing like a Hulu live TV. Yeah, internet shit. 1.00

00:16:47.000 All the years of hearing people being like, cutting the cord, cutting the cord. 1.00

00:16:50.000 I'm like, I don't know, man.

00:16:50.000 I like it.

00:16:51.000 Now, fuck it. 1.00

00:16:52.000 I love what I'm doing now. 1.00

00:16:54.000 And I got to tell you, I can get all the shit that I want for cheaper than I had it before. 0.97

00:16:58.000 And it's just way more convenient. 0.98

00:16:59.000 I used to be so tethered to being like, I'll never give up cable. 1.00

00:17:02.000 Now I'm like, fuck it. 1.00

00:17:03.000 I don't want it anymore. 1.00

00:17:04.000 I don't want it.

00:17:05.000 This has been the best version.

00:17:07.000 I remember when I was like, I'll always have a Blockbuster card.

00:17:09.000 Always.

00:17:10.000 Yeah, it'll never go away.

00:17:11.000 It'll never end.

00:17:12.000 Hollywood video, dude.

00:17:13.000 I want to rent.

00:17:14.000 Man, if you put all your money in that, you're like, I'm telling you, in 20 years, this is going to amount to $15 million.

00:17:21.000 I got... 1.00

00:17:22.000 I got a fucking plan. 0.99

00:17:23.000 Do you think people invested in Netflix when it was the DVD subscription service and that, you know what I mean, like early on and now they're still getting the revenue dividends of what Netflix is now? 0.99

00:17:34.000 I wonder about that.

00:17:34.000 Oh yeah, I'm sure you do.

00:17:35.000 Like that's got to be the best money because it was worth nothing back then.

00:17:38.000 It was just another subscription video service and there was a ton of them.

00:17:42.000 I mean Redbox.

00:17:44.000 I did my first Netflix special in 2005. Oh my god.

00:17:48.000 There's one left?

00:17:49.000 Oh, I think I've seen this.

00:17:50.000 In Alaska, I think.

00:17:51.000 Yeah.

00:17:51.000 No, Oregon.

00:17:52.000 There you go.

00:17:52.000 Yeah, it's in Oregon.

00:17:53.000 Oregon.

00:17:53.000 Bend, Oregon.

00:17:54.000 That's so weird.

00:17:55.000 The last blockbuster.

00:17:57.000 They went from 4,855 stores in 2008 to one store in 2018. That is the craziest demolition of a business I've ever heard.

00:18:09.000 I've never heard of what other business in our lifetimes vanished like that.

00:18:14.000 Like a storefront?

00:18:16.000 I can't think of something that went away that quickly.

00:18:19.000 But the whole industry, gone.

00:18:20.000 It was a part of our weekend.

00:18:23.000 Yeah.

00:18:23.000 You go to Blockbuster.

00:18:24.000 Huge.

00:18:25.000 What do they got?

00:18:25.000 Right.

00:18:26.000 Oh, you hear anything about this?

00:18:27.000 You look at the cover.

00:18:28.000 Hmm, I don't know.

00:18:29.000 I never even heard of this one.

00:18:30.000 I never saw it.

00:18:31.000 Maybe it's good.

00:18:31.000 You wind up watching like obscure Dolph Lundgren movies that were made in Italy.

00:18:35.000 Yeah.

00:18:36.000 What is this?

00:18:37.000 You would. 0.99

00:18:38.000 You'd get to pick out shit that you're like, this looks kind of dope. 1.00

00:18:40.000 We'll see. 0.99

00:18:41.000 The gamble was fun.

00:18:42.000 The name meant a lot.

00:18:44.000 It was like, this guy from Dances with Wolves.

00:18:48.000 Oh, okay.

00:18:48.000 I remember that guy.

00:18:49.000 That could be cool.

00:18:50.000 You'll take a chance.

00:18:51.000 Yeah, you will.

00:18:51.000 But I think that's happening again now with Netflix.

00:18:53.000 I'll take a chance with shit now that I've never heard of. 1.00

00:18:56.000 Because Netflix, you pop up all these different titles and you'll go, I'll try this fucking show. 1.00

00:19:01.000 I just started a new show. 0.98

00:19:01.000 I just tried a show. 0.98

00:19:02.000 And it's called Dead to Me with Christina Applegate.

00:19:06.000 Christina Applegate?

00:19:07.000 Yeah.

00:19:08.000 It's okay.

00:19:09.000 But I'll try it.

00:19:11.000 I would never think to watch this new show about these...

00:19:14.000 Have you gone through all the staples at Netflix yet?

00:19:18.000 Did you watch Ozarks yet?

00:19:20.000 Done.

00:19:20.000 Watched both seasons.

00:19:21.000 God damn, that's great. 0.99

00:19:22.000 Phenomenal. 0.99

00:19:22.000 One of the best shows I've ever seen. 0.99

00:19:24.000 Did you watch Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt?

00:19:26.000 I've seen a few episodes of it. 0.98

00:19:27.000 It's fucking hilarious, dude. 0.95

00:19:30.000 People like it, but... 0.98

00:19:31.000 I love that show. 0.98

00:19:31.000 It's so silly. 0.98

00:19:32.000 It's got the same kind of tone as 30 Rock. 0.99

00:19:35.000 It doesn't?

00:19:36.000 Well, it's Tina Fey.

00:19:37.000 It's Tina again.

00:19:38.000 Tina Fey's in it, too.

00:19:39.000 Oh, she is? 0.68

00:19:39.000 Yeah, sometimes. 0.68

00:19:40.000 She plays this really wacky psychologist that's out of her fucking mind, likes to party. 1.00

00:19:46.000 She has some of the best character development, man. 0.99

00:19:48.000 That's why 30 Rock was so good.

00:19:50.000 That show is funny, man.

00:19:51.000 Kimmy Schmidt is funny.

00:19:52.000 Alright, I'll watch it.

00:19:53.000 I'll try it.

00:19:54.000 It's really good.

00:19:54.000 It just didn't seem like my show.

00:19:56.000 It's absurd.

00:19:57.000 You gotta give it a chance.

00:19:58.000 It's really good.

00:20:00.000 There was some dull moments in one of those series, but they tightened it up quick.

00:20:06.000 Whatever problem they have with writing, they've fixed it real quick.

00:20:09.000 Right.

00:20:09.000 Well, I mean, first seasons are always hard, man.

00:20:11.000 Well, I mean, just writing is hard.

00:20:13.000 Yeah.

00:20:14.000 Writing for a sitcom, they hit ruts sometimes, you know?

00:20:17.000 Yeah, like sometimes I'll watch old Seinfelds when they pop on. 0.95

00:20:21.000 And some of the episodes are just fucking flawless. 0.96

00:20:23.000 They're bangers. 0.83

00:20:24.000 The B story is just as funny as the A story.

00:20:26.000 And then sometimes you watch a few and you're like...

00:20:28.000 They had a tough week.

00:20:30.000 You could tell they had a tough go.

00:20:32.000 I remember that feeling with news radio.

00:20:34.000 I remember episodes where it's just like...

00:20:37.000 Well, we did our best.

00:20:39.000 That's all there was with that one.

00:20:41.000 We swung.

00:20:41.000 We'll see what happens.

00:20:42.000 And then you'll have the next one that's just insane.

00:20:45.000 And a lot of times, it's like stand-up in that sense.

00:20:48.000 And a lot of times, it's just like the subjects.

00:20:50.000 Like, what are the subjects?

00:20:51.000 Like, what juicy topic do you have?

00:20:55.000 Right.

00:20:55.000 You know, what is happening?

00:20:58.000 You have to have...

00:21:01.000 Something that engages people. 0.99

00:21:03.000 And sometimes with sitcoms, it's like, fuck, you have to put out 20-something episodes a year? 0.99

00:21:07.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:21:08.000 22, 23?

00:21:09.000 So write 23 short stories in a year.

00:21:13.000 That's crazy!

00:21:14.000 And make them all tie in and have a nice little, kind of a perfect through line for the whole season.

00:21:18.000 I know, but nowadays a lot of people are relying on...

00:21:33.000 I mean, there's like so many political shows now.

00:21:36.000 They should all be writing letters thanking Trump.

00:21:39.000 It's like Trump is really fueling all these new shows.

00:21:42.000 If it weren't for him, it was like this new wave of political satire.

00:21:45.000 I don't think I've seen this in comedy in my career.

00:21:49.000 I've never seen this many shows about politics.

00:21:51.000 Samantha Bee.

00:21:52.000 I mean, I just named five in a row.

00:21:54.000 Yeah.

00:21:56.000 John Oliver's show is...

00:21:58.000 Right?

00:21:59.000 That last week tonight or whatever.

00:22:00.000 That's essentially a political-based show.

00:22:02.000 It's slightly political, but it's very social, too.

00:22:05.000 Yeah, it is.

00:22:05.000 It's pop culture.

00:22:06.000 Pointing out what's fucked up in the week. 0.91

00:22:08.000 I mean, listen, he's brilliant.

00:22:09.000 And some of these shows are probably great.

00:22:11.000 I just think there's so much political comedy right now.

00:22:13.000 It's just... 0.99

00:22:13.000 It's not my shit. 0.99

00:22:14.000 No, Oliver's excellent. 1.00

00:22:15.000 Yeah, he's a genius.

00:22:16.000 The whole thing is...

00:22:19.000 What's uncomfortable is that there are very little conversations taking place and a lot of people that are really angry.

00:22:26.000 I was watching this guy, some representative, I don't even know his name, but he was offering $100 to name these girls that were in front of a Planned Parenthood.

00:22:43.000 He's like a grown man.

00:22:44.000 They're girls. 1.00

00:22:45.000 They're young Christian girls.

00:22:47.000 What do you mean name them as in like call them out?

00:22:49.000 Yeah, like give their names so he could shame them publicly.

00:22:52.000 Cool.

00:22:53.000 Very smart.

00:22:54.000 But he's offering on this video $100.

00:22:56.000 But this is where people have gotten to where they think that that's okay.

00:23:00.000 Yeah.

00:23:01.000 These people, I know you're there to support a woman's right to choose, but you have to understand that these people think that this is a place where they kill babies. 0.96

00:23:13.000 This is what they think.

00:23:15.000 Regardless of what you think, this is why they're there.

00:23:17.000 They're not there because they're evil.

00:23:20.000 And I know that this would put Unwanted pressure on a girl who's going there for an abortion. 1.00

00:23:26.000 I get it.

00:23:26.000 I get the whole thing.

00:23:27.000 I get it from your side, and I see where they're coming from, too.

00:23:32.000 And although I fully support a woman's right to choose, Sure.

00:23:49.000 Sure.

00:23:54.000 They're not doing it because they're bad people. 1.00

00:23:56.000 Right, like there's some groups that do it just because they're pieces of shit, like the Westboro Baptist Church, like they do things because they're bad people. 0.99

00:24:03.000 Like all they want to do is go protest a soldier's funeral. 0.99

00:24:06.000 Well, you know, I had a girl, Megan Phelps, who left them.

00:24:10.000 Right, that got out.

00:24:11.000 Yes.

00:24:11.000 Yeah.

00:24:11.000 And now, dude, she met a guy on Twitter.

00:24:15.000 It's a great story.

00:24:16.000 Right.

00:24:16.000 It's an amazing story.

00:24:17.000 She's human again.

00:24:18.000 Well, she started talking to people and then investigating and realizing, dude, what I'm telling you, when you talked to her, she was like the nicest, most reasonable person.

00:24:27.000 Right.

00:24:27.000 And to think that just 15 years ago, whatever it was, 10 years ago, she was a full-on zealot.

00:24:32.000 Yeah.

00:24:32.000 Yeah, it's weird.

00:24:33.000 And her dad, or her uncle, grandfather rather, can't even get it right, her grandfather is Fred Phelps.

00:24:39.000 He started the whole thing. 0.98

00:24:40.000 He's the old dude, that old mean guy, the God Hates Fags guy. 1.00

00:24:43.000 So you completely, do you completely buy into the fact that she's cured of it? 0.95

00:24:47.000 100%.

00:24:48.000 None of that's in her blood anymore.

00:24:48.000 She's so honest and open about what she felt and why she felt it and why she was conflicted and why it didn't jive with what she was reading in the Bible.

00:24:57.000 It didn't make sense to her.

00:24:58.000 And the way he was doing it, what she was realizing, was not how Christians did it all over the world.

00:25:04.000 And that this desire to constantly get attention in the news, even at soldiers' funerals, they would go to soldiers' funerals and say that these soldiers are dying because gay people are getting married. 0.99

00:25:18.000 They were saying they deserve to die, they deserve to be dead. 0.91

00:25:22.000 But I'm telling you from that, she's like the nicest person you would ever want to meet. 0.99

00:25:26.000 So she's found some regulation in her world. 0.92

00:25:28.000 She realizes it was bullshit, and she was tricked, and she's done a great job to free herself. 0.93

00:25:33.000 But when you indoctrinate someone heavily into anything, and this is whether it's Being a religious zealot or being a political zealot, you indoctrinate someone when they're early in their youth. 0.94

00:25:48.000 It's very difficult for them to get out of it.

00:25:51.000 It takes real work.

00:25:52.000 But that's what I mean.

00:25:53.000 That's why I guess I'm saying it sticks with you, right?

00:25:55.000 Like, my whole thing is, there's things instilled in me from my youth, from where I grew up culturally and how I grew up, that even though I'm more learned now, I still do understand Those ways of thinking, right?

00:26:07.000 So it is hard to break away from those things, even though, like when you just said the whole, like, a woman's right to choose, right?

00:26:13.000 Like, I grew up in the Midwest.

00:26:14.000 I grew up Catholic.

00:26:15.000 This is how I am.

00:26:16.000 Most of my family is, in so many words, against abortion.

00:26:23.000 But I don't think these things are mutually exclusive, that you can be against abortion and against women's right to choose.

00:26:28.000 You can say that you don't like abortion, but also say, I'm not going to control what you do with your body.

00:26:34.000 It's kind of how I feel.

00:26:35.000 I don't love the idea of abortion.

00:26:36.000 I'm being honest.

00:26:37.000 I just don't love it.

00:26:38.000 But...

00:26:39.000 I do think I'm not going to stand here and tell people what to do.

00:26:42.000 But I should be able to still say, I don't like it.

00:26:45.000 I don't think it's a healthy thing to do.

00:26:49.000 I don't enjoy the spreading of it being kind of this not-a-big-deal thing. 0.92

00:26:53.000 But I do think people can do whatever they fucking want to do.

00:26:56.000 But I'm also allowed to go, I don't love the idea. 0.91

00:27:00.000 I don't like it.

00:27:03.000 As an option.

00:27:04.000 I just don't love it.

00:27:05.000 I don't love it.

00:27:06.000 Birth control is obviously the best method. 0.70

00:27:09.000 Yeah, of course.

00:27:10.000 And I think we should be more aware.

00:27:11.000 But women, when they take birth control, man, they have to... 1.00

00:27:14.000 I'm not advocating for abortion as a method of birth control, but what I'm saying is when women take birth control pills, that shit fucks with their hormones. 1.00

00:27:22.000 It's not a good thing. 1.00

00:27:24.000 It's not good.

00:27:24.000 And that I know.

00:27:25.000 And when they do it and they also smoke, it can cause real complications.

00:27:30.000 Right.

00:27:31.000 A lot of women have really bad reactions to the pill. 0.96

00:27:35.000 It changes your behavior.

00:27:36.000 Suicidal tendencies.

00:27:37.000 I've heard a lot of really bad stories. 0.99

00:27:38.000 Now, I'm also saying, if we want to look at it from a different perspective, men should also take way more fucking responsibility then. 0.99

00:27:45.000 This is the other side. 0.97

00:27:46.000 This argument tends to land on women a lot, where it's like, you don't tell a woman what to do with her body. 1.00

00:27:53.000 It's like, okay, that's fine.

00:27:54.000 I'm just saying how I don't like it.

00:27:55.000 Also, I don't like guys. 1.00

00:27:58.000 Nutting in women and fucking ghosting and not wanting to raise a child, right? 1.00

00:28:02.000 So I think the other side of it is two parties here should be responsible. 1.00

00:28:05.000 Men should take some fucking responsibility over stop coming inside of these fucking people if you're not ready to have kids. 0.99

00:28:11.000 I'm just being real. 1.00

00:28:12.000 It's like either wear a condom or stop doing the thing that you know makes children. 0.63

00:28:17.000 But again, this is this weird balance of like I say, I come from this Not conservative, but like this Catholic upbringing in the Midwest, you know, a good old Irish Catholic boy, and the ideas that you hear as a kid all the time,

00:28:33.000 you then grow, and I now go, I think people should be able to do whatever they want to do. 0.97

00:28:37.000 I'm not going to fucking control somebody.

00:28:39.000 But I still have those little moments of, yeah, I just don't love it, though, because it was something that was instilled in me as a youth, you know? 0.98

00:28:46.000 I mean, it's the same way for years.

00:28:47.000 I felt guilty smoking pot because I was like...

00:28:50.000 I've been smoking pot for 20 years, but I felt guilty for a long time because drugs were so bad.

00:28:57.000 Yeah.

00:28:58.000 It was just like this overwhelming...

00:28:59.000 And even today, sometimes I get high and I go, should I be getting high today? 0.98

00:29:04.000 Do I have shit to do? 0.94

00:29:05.000 Am I doing something wrong? 0.99

00:29:07.000 No.

00:29:07.000 No, I'm a grown-up.

00:29:08.000 I have all my shit together. 0.99

00:29:09.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:29:11.000 I'm allowed to get high. 0.99

00:29:12.000 You're one of the few comedian friends that I know that has their shit together. 0.99

00:29:15.000 You're a grown-up. 1.00

00:29:16.000 Trying to just stay having my shit together. 1.00

00:29:18.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:29:19.000 You take care of your shit. 1.00

00:29:20.000 It's a hard task, though, right? 1.00

00:29:22.000 It's not easy, especially for immature dipshits like us. 0.99

00:29:25.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:29:26.000 This isn't supposed to happen.

00:29:27.000 Nikki Glaser had a funny... 0.76

00:29:29.000 She was on stage doing a bit, and she just had said this phrase, and I kept talking to her about it afterwards.

00:29:33.000 She was like, we don't deserve this money. 0.96

00:29:35.000 And I was like, what do you mean we don't fucking... 0.99

00:29:37.000 And she's like, we just don't deserve this much money for being so immature. 0.99

00:29:42.000 I was like, I guess that's kind of true.

00:29:44.000 Like, we get to be clowny kids and still make a good living.

00:29:48.000 Meanwhile, a guy...

00:29:49.000 There's a guy, there's an electrician at my house the other day. 1.00

00:29:51.000 The shit he was telling me, I couldn't fucking keep... 1.00

00:29:53.000 I mean, he was speaking fucking another language. 1.00

00:29:56.000 And I had no... 0.99

00:29:57.000 He's like, oh, you have to have another ground wire because the neutrals are different now. 1.00

00:29:59.000 This is a two-wire system back in 1946. You got to have a three-wire system.

00:30:02.000 It's going on and on and on and on.

00:30:03.000 And I was like...

00:30:04.000 You deserve more money.

00:30:06.000 Like, you're worth more money.

00:30:08.000 I don't know why I have more money than you do. 0.99

00:30:11.000 You do much more important shit. 0.99

00:30:13.000 It's all about with, I guess, with money, right? 0.99

00:30:16.000 It's all about reach.

00:30:17.000 You know, what we were talking about earlier today about how much money Facebook and Google and all these people make from ads and how weird it is that, like, you look for something and then instantly those ads start popping up.

00:30:29.000 Constantly.

00:30:30.000 I'm referencing Sam Harris' podcast again.

00:30:32.000 I don't remember which one it was.

00:30:33.000 It was fairly recently.

00:30:34.000 He had a guest on, and they talked about the commodity of your data, the commodity of your searches, and who's selling that, and how they're profiting off of that, and that this was this commodity that nobody thought they were giving up.

00:30:52.000 Nobody thought there was anything to it.

00:30:54.000 And then these companies have found this loophole and have made billions of dollars through it by giving you free email, by giving you a free web browser, by giving you free searches, basically providing you with all the information in the world.

00:31:09.000 What they want from you is want to know what you're interested in.

00:31:12.000 That's all.

00:31:13.000 No big deal. 1.00

00:31:13.000 It's kind of like the real world example would be those trash companies that are like, you have a garage full of shit, we'll come pick it up for free. 1.00

00:31:21.000 You don't know what's in that fucking garage. 1.00

00:31:23.000 Some people are so old, they just throw shit out and they go, just get rid of it, fuck it. 1.00

00:31:27.000 You know those Storage Wars shows? 1.00

00:31:29.000 I guess some of them, they fake.

00:31:31.000 Yeah, they do.

00:31:31.000 They set them up.

00:31:32.000 They load up the storage and they go, I can't believe we found a World War II helmet!

00:31:37.000 It's Elvis' underwear!

00:31:38.000 This is unbelievable!

00:31:40.000 Yeah, they used to be real.

00:31:41.000 Actually, a few of them were very real.

00:31:42.000 They were very real.

00:31:43.000 Then they got caught online. 1.00

00:31:44.000 A bunch of people online were calling them out being like, this is bullshit. 1.00

00:31:47.000 This is fake. 1.00

00:31:48.000 I saw them setting it up.

00:31:50.000 They got caught. 0.99

00:31:51.000 If they're going to do that, they should find magic in there and shit. 0.99

00:31:55.000 They should find... 0.99

00:31:56.000 You know?

00:31:57.000 They should.

00:31:58.000 Storage wars where they go in there and they find a leprechaun.

00:32:02.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:32:02.000 A eunuch! 0.71

00:32:05.000 Yeah, one person disappears and they have a genie and a lamp.

00:32:08.000 That would be worth it. 1.00

00:32:09.000 Treat me like I'm really stupid. 1.00

00:32:10.000 Have you ever watched the show Ghost Hunters? 1.00

00:32:13.000 Or Ghost Adventures?

00:32:14.000 Oh my god, yes.

00:32:14.000 Do you know this guy?

00:32:15.000 Which guy?

00:32:16.000 Zach Bagans?

00:32:17.000 Zach Bagans?

00:32:18.000 Do you know this guy?

00:32:19.000 I do not know him personally.

00:32:20.000 Oh, man! 0.71

00:32:21.000 He makes me laugh so fucking hard because they've done like nine seasons now. 0.97

00:32:25.000 I don't even know how many they've done. 0.93

00:32:26.000 Have they found any ghosts?

00:32:27.000 Come on, man.

00:32:29.000 They have all this great technology now that's improved.

00:32:31.000 Do you think that he believes in ghosts?

00:32:33.000 Here's the best part.

00:32:34.000 Okay.

00:32:35.000 He is all in, right?

00:32:37.000 All in.

00:32:37.000 Which I love anybody that's all in, whatever they're doing.

00:32:39.000 You kind of have to be if you're the host of Ghost Adventure.

00:32:41.000 But also now he's super self-aware of their popularity and of his caricature of himself.

00:32:48.000 So he does it now on purpose. 0.98

00:32:50.000 He took off his shirt one episode and he goes, you want to fucking fight me, ghost? 0.99

00:32:54.000 Let's fucking go, dude. 1.00

00:32:55.000 Toe up. 1.00

00:32:56.000 Throw a fucking punch. 1.00

00:32:57.000 You're like... 1.00

00:32:58.000 He's aware of his character that is this bro-y ghost fist fighter.

00:33:04.000 This dude.

00:33:05.000 Is Brandon Schaub on that?

00:33:06.000 Yeah, Schaub.

00:33:07.000 Schaub's on the episode?

00:33:08.000 Look at him.

00:33:10.000 He looks like he just got back from a Shane Carwin sparring session.

00:33:14.000 Yeah, he's still in the fight.

00:33:16.000 He's still out of it.

00:33:17.000 Is that Zach with the beard?

00:33:18.000 No, Zach is that dude right there.

00:33:20.000 So Zach wears Ed Hardy type of shirts.

00:33:24.000 He wears these loud...

00:33:27.000 Ridiculously battered shirts.

00:33:28.000 Right.

00:33:28.000 But he's...

00:33:29.000 You gotta see it.

00:33:30.000 Do a more newer episode.

00:33:31.000 Do something from like 2009 to 18. You'll see what he looks like now.

00:33:34.000 He's gotten way more fucking jacked. 0.99

00:33:36.000 His hair is all flaked up, you know? 1.00

00:33:39.000 He's got like more tanner on and shit. 0.99

00:33:41.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:33:43.000 He's become super self-aware.

00:33:46.000 Do you think that he believes in ghosts?

00:33:47.000 No, I think he's just self-aware of the product he's created.

00:33:50.000 Really?

00:33:50.000 That he understands now.

00:33:52.000 That's a challenge.

00:33:53.000 I see the next Whiskey Ginger podcast.

00:33:55.000 Me and Zach Bates.

00:33:57.000 That's him right there, right?

00:33:58.000 Now he looks like a Hollywood guy.

00:34:00.000 He's got these big black-framed glasses.

00:34:02.000 Isn't that funny?

00:34:03.000 He can't look any better?

00:34:05.000 You're not allowing him to have better style?

00:34:07.000 He went to Hollywood.

00:34:08.000 Right.

00:34:08.000 I can't.

00:34:09.000 You're so Chicago. 1.00

00:34:10.000 Look at his fucking Hollywood. 1.00

00:34:12.000 Look at him with his spiky hair. 1.00

00:34:14.000 He went Hollywood the fuck. 1.00

00:34:15.000 I'll tell you, that's the one thing I know I won't do. 1.00

00:34:18.000 Go Hollywood?

00:34:19.000 I'll never get to a place when I'll be wearing clothes where I used to make fun of them like that. 0.99

00:34:24.000 I remember going, this guy's wearing a fucking $900 t-shirt. 0.97

00:34:29.000 I know now I can't do that. 0.99

00:34:33.000 I can't do that now because I used to shit on it so much. 0.98

00:34:37.000 Yeah, you have to mind by the rules of your own mocking. 0.96

00:34:39.000 Well, if I pushed it out there for so long.

00:34:42.000 What's that?

00:34:43.000 He's got a nice hat.

00:34:43.000 That's him.

00:34:44.000 Yeah, it looks good, right?

00:34:44.000 You like his hat, Jamie?

00:34:45.000 Is that your buddy?

00:34:45.000 What are you trying to say?

00:34:46.000 That's the most recent photo I could find.

00:34:48.000 Jamie, do I zoom in real quick?

00:34:49.000 I thought you were trying to say something.

00:34:51.000 Handsome fella.

00:34:52.000 Cute guy.

00:34:53.000 Jamie, I want you to grow your facial hair just like that.

00:34:55.000 Do you really think he doesn't believe in ghosts?

00:34:58.000 I think he does not believe in ghosts.

00:34:59.000 I think he loves the paranormal, right?

00:35:02.000 He loves the idea of the paranormal.

00:35:04.000 What does that mean?

00:35:05.000 I think he loves the idea of forces at nature happening, molecules, energies around us, all influencing the way we act.

00:35:12.000 Sure.

00:35:13.000 I don't think he believes in actual apparitions or...

00:35:16.000 What do they call them?

00:35:18.000 Spirits on his EVP. We felt the spirit.

00:35:21.000 They'll do this thing where they'll see a little orb or a light.

00:35:23.000 This happens all the time with cameras when you switch to night vision and not...

00:35:28.000 These little deflects of dusk kind of reflect light off the lenses.

00:35:31.000 And he'll go, it's an orb.

00:35:32.000 And they'll watch it float through the lens.

00:35:35.000 And he is obsessed about these orbs.

00:35:37.000 They enter the orb. 0.99

00:35:38.000 And he does this voiceover shit. 0.99

00:35:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:35:40.000 I watch a fucking show. 1.00

00:35:41.000 I get high and I watch it. 1.00

00:35:42.000 It's maybe one of my favorite things.

00:35:44.000 Jamie, you're a photographer.

00:35:45.000 What's the scientific explanation for those little balls that show up in photographs? 0.87

00:35:51.000 What is it?

00:35:52.000 I don't have the knowledge for that, but it could be explained in lots of different ways.

00:35:56.000 It's mostly probably like a light flare of some kind.

00:36:00.000 Because there's...

00:36:02.000 Or ghosts.

00:36:03.000 Now I'm a believer.

00:36:04.000 You stammered through that so badly. 1.00

00:36:06.000 Dude, you did a terrible fucking job selling that. 0.99

00:36:09.000 I don't know the photography science, but like in this lens here, there's like five different pieces of glass. 0.99

00:36:12.000 So there's just, at whatever angle you're holding it, depending on where the light source is coming from, it might create an artifact, which would be a little circle.

00:36:20.000 So if you're dealing with a really nice...

00:36:33.000 That's like less...

00:36:34.000 Why there would be something on that is probably because it's less good.

00:36:39.000 It's less good.

00:36:40.000 Not the right word, but...

00:36:43.000 Less technology in there.

00:36:44.000 I don't know.

00:36:45.000 I can't explain it honestly.

00:36:46.000 I'm trying to, but I can't.

00:36:47.000 We should Google it because orb lovers right now are freaking out.

00:36:50.000 My God, there are angels!

00:36:52.000 They're in front of you and you refuse to see their gift!

00:36:56.000 Anytime an orb passes near a human, he'll go, watch Joe's reaction as the orb goes behind his head.

00:37:02.000 Yeah, and you change your eyes.

00:37:04.000 I feel it.

00:37:04.000 I felt it.

00:37:04.000 Yeah, your eyes will change.

00:37:05.000 It was amazing. 0.99

00:37:06.000 You don't believe in fucking ghosts, do you? 0.99

00:37:08.000 Bro, I believe in everything. 1.00

00:37:08.000 You don't believe in ghosts. 1.00

00:37:09.000 I'm all in with everything now. 1.00

00:37:11.000 Fuck that. 1.00

00:37:11.000 Bigfoot. 1.00

00:37:12.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:37:13.000 What's that? 1.00

00:37:14.000 There you go.

00:37:15.000 Backscatter.

00:37:16.000 Backscatter.

00:37:17.000 The artifact can result from the backscatter or retro reflection of light from airborne solid particles such as dust or pollen.

00:37:24.000 That's what I said.

00:37:25.000 Or liquid droplets, especially rain or mist, can also be caused by foreign material within the camera's lens.

00:37:31.000 So these dots are blurred images of dust particles.

00:37:35.000 M. Night Shyamalama Ding Dong should make a movie in that movie. 1.00

00:37:40.000 And it should be called Backscatter.

00:37:41.000 I should not call him that anymore.

00:37:42.000 That's really rude.

00:37:44.000 Is it, though?

00:37:44.000 It's kind of funny.

00:37:46.000 It's Shyamalan. 1.00

00:37:47.000 That's his fucking name. 1.00

00:37:48.000 Shyamalanma. 1.00

00:37:49.000 I'll turn on you. 1.00

00:37:51.000 Yeah, you started it and you fucking put it on me. 1.00

00:37:53.000 What are you, racist? 1.00

00:37:54.000 What's wrong with you, man? 1.00

00:37:55.000 He makes some good goddamn movies. 0.99

00:37:57.000 He takes some crazy risks, but I love The Sixth Sense. 1.00

00:38:00.000 That was a great fucking movie. 0.99

00:38:01.000 Come on, I love The Village. 1.00

00:38:03.000 People didn't like that.

00:38:04.000 I thought The Village, the end of it, I was like, what about Planes?

00:38:09.000 They don't show any planes going on.

00:38:11.000 Do you know how big it would have to be to avoid all the planes?

00:38:14.000 Well, they'd have to be in a super remote place.

00:38:16.000 There's got to be places where no planes fly.

00:38:18.000 But they're not remote because they made it out to the road.

00:38:20.000 And then instantly they got to the road and people were like, hey, get in a car.

00:38:23.000 I'm like, what?

00:38:23.000 A car?

00:38:24.000 What is this?

00:38:24.000 I live in the 1800s.

00:38:26.000 They're like St. Louis.

00:38:27.000 It's like right there.

00:38:28.000 You know what I like though?

00:38:28.000 It's Ghost.

00:38:29.000 No, Devil.

00:38:30.000 The one that was in the elevator? 0.98

00:38:31.000 Yeah, Devil.

00:38:32.000 That was a good one.

00:38:33.000 Yeah, it was good.

00:38:34.000 That was good.

00:38:34.000 It was good.

00:38:35.000 He takes chances.

00:38:36.000 He takes a shot.

00:38:37.000 That's what I like.

00:38:37.000 Hey, wait.

00:38:37.000 This reminds me of when you talk about that island, that private island, you know, Sentinel Island?

00:38:44.000 North Sentinel Island.

00:38:44.000 North Sentinel Island?

00:38:45.000 Yeah.

00:38:46.000 Planes still fly over that or no?

00:38:48.000 Are they not allowed to fly over that as a restricted airspace?

00:38:50.000 I don't think it's restricted.

00:38:52.000 No.

00:38:53.000 But you can't land there and you can't circle.

00:38:57.000 Right.

00:38:57.000 You can't visit.

00:38:58.000 India owns it, right? 0.99

00:38:59.000 Doesn't India control it? 1.00

00:39:01.000 I believe so.

00:39:01.000 Yeah, and it's like 10 mile radius.

00:39:03.000 Mm-hmm.

00:39:13.000 Yeah.

00:39:14.000 Yeah.

00:39:16.000 Yeah.

00:39:29.000 Shout out to Respectable Law on Twitter.

00:39:33.000 He has a giant thread about it.

00:39:36.000 It may be pinned on the top of his Twitter page, but explaining one of the reasons why those people are so hostile.

00:39:45.000 Right.

00:39:45.000 And it has to do with this British explorer who was really kinky.

00:39:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:39:50.000 He went there to fuck. 1.00

00:39:51.000 Yeah, who knows what he did. 1.00

00:39:52.000 He wanted to fuck Island. 0.99

00:39:53.000 Who knows what he did, but people got sick because of him. 1.00

00:39:55.000 You know, I had this guy, Graham Hancock, on, and he was talking to me about all the different shit that they're finding in the Amazon and in South America. 0.97

00:40:05.000 And that there used to be 20 million people that lived in the Amazon and they died off because of sickness. 0.71

00:40:11.000 They were visited mostly, apparently Europeans when they came in like the 1500s, they would tell these incredible stories about these huge civilizations in the Amazon.

00:40:19.000 But then when explorers came back 200 years later, there was nothing there.

00:40:24.000 And they were like, this is crazy.

00:40:25.000 They must have lied.

00:40:27.000 But it turns out they didn't lie. 1.00

00:40:29.000 What happened was smallpox ran through the fucking jungle and killed everybody. 1.00

00:40:34.000 We did it. 1.00

00:40:34.000 And then the jungle just overtook these cities. 1.00

00:40:38.000 And now they're finding these cities with something called LIDAR. We're good to go.

00:41:10.000 Yeah.

00:41:11.000 And all of it was swallowed up by the jungle.

00:41:13.000 They think within like a hundred years, it just vanished in the jungle.

00:41:16.000 Wow.

00:41:17.000 Because it's so lush and tropical down there.

00:41:20.000 Dude, it was one of the most amazing podcasts I've ever done.

00:41:24.000 Listening to that guy tell this story.

00:41:26.000 Right after this one, though.

00:41:28.000 No, you are the best.

00:41:29.000 You're the best.

00:41:31.000 This is like the findings of Atlantis, right?

00:41:34.000 You started finding more and more land underground.

00:41:37.000 Have you seen this?

00:41:38.000 They found traces of five drugs, including dimethyltryptamine, on a thousand-year-old South American ritual case.

00:41:45.000 DMT, baby.

00:41:45.000 So that's like proof positive evidence that at least 1,000 years ago they were using ayahuasca.

00:41:54.000 Wow.

00:41:56.000 This was the drug pouch that was made from fox snouts.

00:41:59.000 That sounds so crazy.

00:42:01.000 Fox nose.

00:42:01.000 When you see it, it looks like a nose.

00:42:04.000 They used everything.

00:42:05.000 And the fur is still intact.

00:42:07.000 It looks really nice.

00:42:08.000 The nose.

00:42:08.000 I wonder why they do that with a fox.

00:42:10.000 It's probably like some cleverness.

00:42:13.000 Do you know that that's what a shaman, that's like literally what a shaman is supposed to, that's what the definition is supposed to be in certain cultures?

00:42:21.000 Certain cultures, it's a clever fellow.

00:42:23.000 That's who the shaman is.

00:42:25.000 Okay, that kind of makes sense.

00:42:26.000 They are just clever fellows. 1.00

00:42:28.000 But I mean, imagine that, like he takes a fox, that clever little fucker, I'm going to take his face and hide my drugs in his face. 1.00

00:42:34.000 I want his fucking face. 1.00

00:42:35.000 Only a person would think to do something so creepy. 1.00

00:42:38.000 Or an insect.

00:42:40.000 Chipmunk cheeks.

00:42:41.000 Yeah, right?

00:42:42.000 That would be a good move.

00:42:43.000 Yeah, a little pouch.

00:42:44.000 Those are good pouches.

00:42:45.000 That hangs through your belt.

00:42:46.000 It's just chipmunk cheeks with all your coins in it. 1.00

00:42:50.000 What about the dumbest animal you could have stuff in? 0.99

00:42:52.000 What would be the worst animal to put stuff in? 1.00

00:42:54.000 Skunks. 1.00

00:42:54.000 Yeah, skunks are the fucking worst. 1.00

00:42:56.000 Raccoons? 1.00

00:42:56.000 Raccoons are actually kind of smart. 1.00

00:42:58.000 Do you know skunks are predators?

00:42:59.000 Those little creeps.

00:43:00.000 They are?

00:43:01.000 Yeah.

00:43:01.000 Yeah, bro, they were coming from my chickens.

00:43:03.000 Oh, yeah.

00:43:04.000 They try to eat your chickens. 0.91

00:43:05.000 They want to kill your chickens. 1.00

00:43:06.000 They skunk up, they spray them and shit? 1.00

00:43:08.000 No, they're just there to kill. 1.00

00:43:10.000 They only spray things when things come near them.

00:43:13.000 Or when they're about to die, right?

00:43:14.000 Right, yeah.

00:43:15.000 When they think they're going to die, they just admit that?

00:43:17.000 Yeah.

00:43:17.000 It's like so many animals are able to do that.

00:43:19.000 We're like one of the only species that doesn't know how to fake death to avoid actually dying.

00:43:23.000 A lot of species will hide or change colors or shapes or emit something to give the other species the thought that they're dead or deceased or that they've, you know, they're gone.

00:43:33.000 We don't do, we don't, we're the only ones who don't know. 0.98

00:43:35.000 If you're running away from a fight, you can't just pretend to be dead and then they'll stop fucking you up. 1.00

00:43:40.000 It's still gonna fuck you up. 0.99

00:43:42.000 Well, human beings... 0.99

00:43:43.000 Well, I think humans and chimps, too.

00:43:45.000 They want retribution.

00:43:47.000 Yeah.

00:43:47.000 They want revenge.

00:43:48.000 We love vengeance, man.

00:43:49.000 Yeah.

00:43:49.000 That's, like, our favorite thing in the world.

00:43:50.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:43:51.000 A guy almost fucking hit me four times today. 0.99

00:43:53.000 I wish I got his license plate to call him out on here. 1.00

00:43:55.000 He's a cunt. 1.00

00:43:55.000 And he was cutting me off, and he kept trying to, like, hit my car after I... Why? 1.00

00:43:59.000 He cut me off in a big, like, F-350 truck. 0.98

00:44:02.000 And then I gave him one of these fucking honk, like, dude, I mean, just missed my car, you know? 0.99

00:44:06.000 Then I move on. 0.99

00:44:07.000 Well, he pulls over next to me, gives me the finger, and then tries to, like, pull in my fucking lane. 0.99

00:44:11.000 Like, he's, if he's gonna hit my car. 0.98

00:44:13.000 Out of his, I was like, this guy, he just knows, he just knows his car hits my car.

00:44:19.000 His car has barely any damage on it.

00:44:21.000 He knows a big F-350 truck. 1.00

00:44:23.000 His tire is the size of my fucking car. 1.00

00:44:25.000 He was a dick. 1.00

00:44:26.000 But he wanted shit, so it's like now, vindictively, I hope I see him again. 1.00

00:44:30.000 Now I just want to fucking see him again somewhere in the city. 0.99

00:44:34.000 Just this guy. 0.97

00:44:36.000 I want to have that moment with him again. 1.00

00:44:37.000 See him outside of his fucking big truck. 0.99

00:44:39.000 That's funny. 0.99

00:44:40.000 Yeah, we love...

00:44:40.000 I don't hold grudges.

00:44:44.000 Like, Bobby Lee and I were talking about it.

00:44:45.000 Bobby holds the biggest grudges on earth.

00:44:46.000 He has some of the worst.

00:44:47.000 I mean, he has, like, 20-year grudges.

00:44:49.000 Really?

00:44:49.000 Oh, my God, yeah.

00:44:50.000 Bobby Lee?

00:44:51.000 Ask him about it.

00:44:52.000 He genuinely, when someone does the wrong thing to him, like, I'm not talking, like, makes a bad mistake.

00:44:59.000 When someone does something where you're like, that's fucked up, that can fuck up a friendship, he will hold that against you for the rest of time. 0.76

00:45:05.000 That's it. 0.97

00:45:07.000 That's it. 0.99

00:45:07.000 Where some people would go, whatever, man, I forgive you, shit happens. 0.99

00:45:11.000 Nah, he holds a fucking grudge, dude. 1.00

00:45:13.000 Bad. 1.00

00:45:15.000 That little tiny rice ball has a lot of fucking vengeance inside of him, dude. 1.00

00:45:20.000 He's my little dumpling. 1.00

00:45:21.000 How dare you?

00:45:22.000 I'm allowed to say that, man.

00:45:23.000 I'm allowed to say that because I used to own Bobby.

00:45:27.000 I bought him for a month.

00:45:29.000 How much did it cost?

00:45:30.000 65 grand.

00:45:31.000 That's a lot.

00:45:32.000 Could you do anything?

00:45:34.000 Would you have to feed him?

00:45:36.000 He doesn't really require that much food.

00:45:37.000 Then when does he get to own you?

00:45:39.000 That's part of the deal, right?

00:45:40.000 He owns you for a month now?

00:45:41.000 Ten years later, yeah.

00:45:41.000 Ten years later, he owns you for a whole month.

00:45:43.000 He owns me for a month, yeah.

00:45:44.000 But then he's going to be stewing on it for ten years.

00:45:47.000 Imagine if people really did do that. 0.96

00:45:49.000 They just decided, okay, you can own me for one month, and I'll do whatever the fuck you want, but then I own you for one month ten years from now. 0.96

00:45:56.000 That's a great movie, by the way. 0.98

00:45:58.000 That's a crazy deal.

00:45:59.000 You've got to hope the guy stays alive.

00:46:01.000 Meanwhile, like, nine years later, the dude's just drinking and chain-smoking, trying to kill himself.

00:46:06.000 Trying to kill himself. 0.92

00:46:07.000 Because he doesn't want to be your slave for a month. 0.91

00:46:10.000 That would be, like, indentured servitude, right?

00:46:13.000 Mostly was people that were too poor to make journeys or too poor to do something, so they would give up a certain amount of, like, they would make a contract.

00:46:22.000 Like, they would work for someone for a certain amount of time, right?

00:46:24.000 That's essentially how it was set up.

00:46:26.000 Yeah.

00:46:27.000 I mean, that's basically like that, right?

00:46:29.000 That's what it is.

00:46:29.000 Basically saying like – But it's – yeah.

00:46:31.000 Is it like a – I mean, I guess the conditions probably varied.

00:46:35.000 You know, one of the grossest ones I ever saw was Vice did a piece about Dubai, I believe it was, and about some people who are unscrupulous construction people.

00:46:48.000 People would take these folks in from third world countries and promise them all this money to work there.

00:46:55.000 And then they take their passports away from them and then pay them a fraction of what they're supposed to pay for them.

00:47:00.000 So they're trapped.

00:47:01.000 And they were living in squalor.

00:47:02.000 They're trapped.

00:47:03.000 They don't have their passport anymore.

00:47:04.000 They're in the wrong country.

00:47:05.000 Human trafficking is what it is. 0.79

00:47:07.000 I mean, that's the same as when they do to these young girls.

00:47:09.000 They have these girls come over to the United States. 1.00

00:47:12.000 I think it was a documentary on Netflix about these young Russian models, and they give these girls modeling contracts.

00:47:17.000 They live in a four-bedroom apartment, two girls to a room, and they essentially fuck them around for a little while with small little weird maybe random gigs, and then they're like, hey, if you want to make more money... 0.97

00:47:31.000 You could always sell your body or sell pictures of you nude. 0.99

00:47:35.000 Makes way more money.

00:47:36.000 And they think it's kind of part of this modeling thing.

00:47:39.000 And this is like a constant...

00:47:40.000 I think it was on Netflix.

00:47:41.000 But it was all about these girls getting trapped. 0.97

00:47:43.000 And they can't go back.

00:47:44.000 They don't have enough money.

00:47:45.000 And these modeling agencies or these manager agencies, they're, well, we have to keep your money and we'll give you like a salary, so to speak.

00:47:54.000 We pay your rent.

00:47:55.000 We'll give you food.

00:47:56.000 It sounds horrible.

00:47:57.000 But if it was dudes, I wouldn't care at all.

00:48:00.000 Yeah.

00:48:02.000 Of course.

00:48:03.000 It was true. 0.99

00:48:04.000 It was these five handsome guys who came over from Russia looking to get some pussy and drive Ferraris, but it wasn't really working out for them. 0.99

00:48:10.000 They're like, get a job. 0.99

00:48:11.000 Get a job.

00:48:11.000 It's what you get, man.

00:48:12.000 Loser. 1.00

00:48:12.000 The fuck did you think was going to happen? 1.00

00:48:14.000 You're just going to get pussy and Ferraris? 1.00

00:48:16.000 Get out of here, bro. 1.00

00:48:17.000 I'm good looking.

00:48:18.000 I thought this would make me famous.

00:48:20.000 Listen, I'm sorry. 1.00

00:48:21.000 I can't get you any modeling gigs, but if you want to make some money, fuck this old lady. 1.00

00:48:25.000 What's up? 1.00

00:48:26.000 What's up?

00:48:26.000 How much?

00:48:27.000 How much? 1.00

00:48:28.000 Two grand for me to fuck her? 1.00

00:48:29.000 Two grand. 1.00

00:48:29.000 You fucked that old lady. 1.00

00:48:30.000 Come on. 1.00

00:48:31.000 Okay.

00:48:31.000 That's all you got to do.

00:48:32.000 Do I have to come or just hang with her for a while?

00:48:35.000 She's gotta come.

00:48:35.000 She has to?

00:48:36.000 She has to.

00:48:37.000 I have to work with her till she come? 1.00

00:48:38.000 Yes, you gotta work with her.

00:48:40.000 Okay.

00:48:40.000 You gotta be a good actor.

00:48:41.000 But no eating pussy. 1.00

00:48:42.000 I can't do that. 1.00

00:48:43.000 Oh, you have to eat a pussy. 1.00

00:48:44.000 I have to? 1.00

00:48:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:48:45.000 Three grand.

00:48:46.000 They don't even shave.

00:48:47.000 Old ladies, they gave up. 1.00

00:48:49.000 Okay, so eat Harry Bush for two grand.

00:48:51.000 I'll do it.

00:48:51.000 Three grand.

00:48:52.000 Three grand, I will do this.

00:48:53.000 I mean, imagine.

00:48:55.000 Right?

00:48:56.000 How much sympathy would you have for that guy?

00:48:56.000 Did you ever watch the show Gigolos that was on Showtime?

00:49:00.000 I didn't, but I know Schaub watched it.

00:49:02.000 I know Tom and Christina loved it.

00:49:03.000 They talked about it a lot.

00:49:04.000 Why is it off?

00:49:05.000 That's Schaub right there on the right.

00:49:06.000 Why did it get canceled?

00:49:07.000 I don't know.

00:49:07.000 They just think it ran its course.

00:49:08.000 It was on for like seven.

00:49:09.000 Six seasons?

00:49:10.000 No, it was not on for six seasons.

00:49:12.000 Your mom's house interviewed one of the guys, I believe.

00:49:15.000 By the way, every TV show I've done has only gone for like two years, but Gigolos gets six seasons.

00:49:22.000 That's the state of television.

00:49:23.000 Jesus Christ, that is crazy.

00:49:25.000 That's a very good tell.

00:49:28.000 By the way, there's not a lot of these...

00:49:29.000 This whole culture of male gigolos, I think they said percentage-wise, it's unbelievably smaller, these guys that get into the gigolo world and stay.

00:49:38.000 They get in, they get out.

00:49:40.000 Most women that get into sex work... 1.00

00:49:42.000 Lasts significantly longer than these dudes.

00:49:44.000 Way, way longer.

00:49:45.000 For varied reasons. 0.96

00:49:47.000 But I think the gigolo thing is kind of like a moment in a man's life where he's like, I want to fucking try it. 0.93

00:49:52.000 Some young, fun-loving, free-for-all that's open-minded. 0.84

00:49:56.000 I'll just give it a whirl.

00:49:57.000 Then he gets right out.

00:49:58.000 I don't think that happens for girls. 1.00

00:49:59.000 At all.

00:50:00.000 I think women stay in sex work. 1.00

00:50:02.000 Would you feel bad for some dude who was working as a gigolo and his pimp was Suge Knight?

00:50:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:50:09.000 And his pimp was making him go out there and eat that pussy. 1.00

00:50:12.000 You gotta make that money. 1.00

00:50:14.000 That's the website for it.

00:50:16.000 I bet this guy writes really good poetry.

00:50:19.000 This guy, what's going on?

00:50:20.000 Oh, I know Vin Armani.

00:50:21.000 What's going on with him?

00:50:22.000 He works at the coffee shop around the corner from my house.

00:50:24.000 Why is he wearing a shirt like that?

00:50:25.000 That's just how it's his look, dude.

00:50:28.000 Bradley Lourdes.

00:50:30.000 Nick Hawk.

00:50:30.000 Hey man, I ain't hating.

00:50:31.000 If you can sling dick and get paid, good luck to you. 0.99

00:50:34.000 Look, some people... 1.00

00:50:35.000 Yeah, do it.

00:50:36.000 Some people out there are working as a masseuse that do not like touching people.

00:50:39.000 Okay?

00:50:40.000 Tell me how much different that is.

00:50:41.000 That's a bummer.

00:50:42.000 That's a bummer, though.

00:50:42.000 How much different is that than being able to be a guy and wear nice shirts like that and occasionally got to bang bras you don't want to?

00:50:48.000 Wear nice shirts like that?

00:50:49.000 Is that so horrible?

00:50:49.000 Look, you get some nice European...

00:50:51.000 Is that so horrible?

00:50:51.000 No!

00:50:52.000 The world could be worse.

00:50:53.000 Do you remember Richard Gere?

00:50:54.000 Wasn't he a gigolo in one of his movies?

00:50:57.000 Didn't he have a movie called Gigolo where he'd bang old ladies? 0.83

00:51:01.000 I don't know if it was called Gigolo, but yeah.

00:51:03.000 I think it was called Gigolo.

00:51:04.000 American Gigolo.

00:51:04.000 American Gigolo, that's right.

00:51:06.000 College boy. 1.00

00:51:08.000 You must have loved this shit, didn't you? 1.00

00:51:10.000 Yeah, you know it. 1.00

00:51:10.000 Richard Gere was out there banging ladies. 1.00

00:51:12.000 Here's what they don't tell you. 1.00

00:51:13.000 Most of that money in that Gigolo world is sucking dick, okay? 1.00

00:51:16.000 If you want to go out there and suck that dick, you can make that money. 1.00

00:51:20.000 But if you just want to bang old ladies... 1.00

00:51:23.000 Whoa. 0.68

00:51:23.000 Look at the difference. 0.68

00:51:24.000 That's when he was young.

00:51:25.000 That's when he was how old?

00:51:26.000 Got to be like 22, 23?

00:51:28.000 He was pretty young and handsome. 0.97

00:51:30.000 And then Father Time done fucking mollywopped him. 0.99

00:51:33.000 Father Time got him. 0.98

00:51:34.000 Marvin Hagler on Thomas Hearns.

00:51:37.000 Third round!

00:51:38.000 I remember when he went on stage in New York after 9-11.

00:51:44.000 Who did?

00:51:44.000 Richard Gere did.

00:51:45.000 And was trying to tell the audience that they should choose love.

00:51:51.000 Where on stage?

00:51:53.000 He was on stage at some sort of a benefit.

00:51:55.000 Oh.

00:51:56.000 For 9-11?

00:51:57.000 It was right after 9-11.

00:51:58.000 And he was saying, essentially, that...

00:52:01.000 You know, great message.

00:52:03.000 At the time, people were just bloodthirsty.

00:52:06.000 They booed him. 1.00

00:52:06.000 They're like, fuck you. 1.00

00:52:08.000 What did he say? 1.00

00:52:08.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:52:09.000 He's basically saying, let's not have military action. 1.00

00:52:12.000 More people shouldn't die because of some things these people did to us.

00:52:16.000 He's saying, try to figure out a different way to do this.

00:52:18.000 Yeah.

00:52:18.000 I mean, he's a Buddhist, I believe.

00:52:21.000 I mean, he's really close pals with the Dalai Lama.

00:52:25.000 Yeah, but in the interest of...

00:52:27.000 Talking about what we're talking about, revenge means a lot.

00:52:30.000 It's kind of hard to tell America to not get revenge on somebody.

00:52:33.000 Right.

00:52:33.000 We love revenge.

00:52:35.000 Well, yeah. 1.00

00:52:36.000 We love getting back people that try to fuck with us. 0.99

00:52:38.000 Even if we go way deeper than they did. 1.00

00:52:40.000 We're warlike monkeys.

00:52:42.000 Yeah, we love it.

00:52:43.000 When we think we're being attacked, like retribution and revenge is what we were just talking about earlier, about chimps. 1.00

00:52:49.000 Chimps do that, too. 1.00

00:52:50.000 Yeah, natural.

00:52:51.000 It's nature.

00:52:52.000 It's nature. 1.00

00:52:53.000 You want to get revenge, you motherfuckers. 1.00

00:52:55.000 Like, we were talking about that guy who got ripped apart by the chimp who went to bring a birthday cake. 1.00

00:53:00.000 Dude.

00:53:01.000 It's the other chimps that did it because they were jealous. 0.98

00:53:03.000 They were angry. 0.99

00:53:04.000 They were jealous that one chip got a birthday cake and they didn't get shit and someone fucked up and left the gate open. 1.00

00:53:09.000 And they came out and fucked that dude up. 1.00

00:53:12.000 They ripped his limbs off. 1.00

00:53:13.000 They tore his face part.

00:53:14.000 Just because he didn't bring cake for them.

00:53:17.000 Were they female chimps? 1.00

00:53:18.000 No, they were male.

00:53:20.000 Where's my cake?!

00:53:22.000 Losing it.

00:53:23.000 Cake must be so good. 1.00

00:53:25.000 Must have been good-ass fucking cake, dude. 1.00

00:53:27.000 To a chimp that doesn't understand what cake is. 1.00

00:53:29.000 Like, how the fuck did you do this? 1.00

00:53:30.000 But they do understand what cake is. 0.99

00:53:32.000 Right, well, they understand it once you get it to them.

00:53:34.000 The gem.

00:53:34.000 Yeah, that's like a powerful orb you brought.

00:53:37.000 Did I tell you when we were in Costa Rica?

00:53:39.000 And there's monkeys everywhere there. 0.87

00:53:41.000 It's crazy, cool-ass monkeys, but they're a little sketchy. 0.86

00:53:44.000 I know, I got married down there. 0.96

00:53:45.000 Oh, you did?

00:53:46.000 In Costa Rica, yeah.

00:53:46.000 Yeah.

00:53:47.000 Yeah, they're out of their fucking mind. 1.00

00:53:48.000 We were hanging out with them, and there's a thing called a Coatamundae. 1.00

00:53:52.000 You know what that is?

00:53:53.000 No.

00:53:54.000 They look like a raccoon monkey thing.

00:53:58.000 It's a weird creature.

00:53:59.000 A runky.

00:54:00.000 And we were staying at this resort, and they would just come right down the pathway to where your door to your room was, and they'd just hang out with you, like these Coatamundes, just hang out. 1.00

00:54:12.000 You could feed them grapes and shit. 0.97

00:54:14.000 They would take them right out of your hands. 0.99

00:54:16.000 But no danger at all.

00:54:18.000 They were super chill and friendly.

00:54:20.000 So we gave this Coatamundi some grapes, and then he laid down and took a nap under my chair. 0.99

00:54:26.000 I just took a fucking nap. 1.00

00:54:27.000 It's like a dog. 1.00

00:54:28.000 It was like a dog.

00:54:28.000 The most chilled dog of all time.

00:54:31.000 I'm like, God damn, these things are cool. 0.99

00:54:33.000 We were just sitting there. 0.99

00:54:34.000 I go, go ahead, buddy.

00:54:35.000 Take a nap.

00:54:36.000 You're safe here. 1.00

00:54:37.000 I gave him some grapes and shit. 0.99

00:54:39.000 That's why people want chimps at their house. 1.00

00:54:40.000 People love the idea of having them.

00:54:42.000 So the monkeys came over and we only had...

00:54:45.000 That's what a Coatamundae looks like. 1.00

00:54:46.000 Dude, they're the shit. 1.00

00:54:48.000 They're such cool little animals. 1.00

00:54:49.000 It does kind of look raccoonish.

00:54:51.000 My daughters gave them a fake name.

00:54:53.000 They were calling them a Kinkachu.

00:54:55.000 They just decided to call it a Kinkachu.

00:54:57.000 That's more fun.

00:54:58.000 Kinkachu sounds.

00:54:59.000 They made their own word up, I think.

00:55:00.000 I don't think that's a real word.

00:55:01.000 Kawatamunde.

00:55:02.000 But that little guy was so cool.

00:55:05.000 Such an interesting little fella. 1.00

00:55:06.000 When you just would gently take grapes right out of your hand.

00:55:09.000 Gently.

00:55:10.000 Like the most chilled dog of all time.

00:55:13.000 So anyway, we were out of grapes and these monkeys showed up.

00:55:17.000 And they're like hanging out, like looking, like, what do you got for us?

00:55:20.000 These guys.

00:55:21.000 They're looking hungry.

00:55:21.000 No, real monkeys.

00:55:22.000 Oh, monkey monkeys.

00:55:22.000 That's not a monkey.

00:55:23.000 That's like a, I don't know what that is.

00:55:25.000 I don't know what a Kawatamunde is.

00:55:26.000 What family is it?

00:55:27.000 What is it?

00:55:28.000 Anyway, we gave these, uh, we were like, I don't know if we should give these monkeys these Oreos. 0.99

00:55:33.000 It's kind of fucked up. 0.98

00:55:34.000 Like, it's not good for them. 0.99

00:55:35.000 And then I looked at one of them and only had one hand.

00:55:37.000 I'm like, well, that's not good for them either. 0.99

00:55:38.000 And they're getting their fucking hand bit off. 0.99

00:55:41.000 So I gave him, I gave him, he snatched it from me and he opened it up and then started chewing the white stuff off. 0.99

00:55:48.000 Just like the cream?

00:55:48.000 Yes!

00:55:49.000 He's one of us.

00:55:50.000 But he already knew about it.

00:55:51.000 He knew, dude.

00:55:51.000 He's probably been getting Oreos for his whole life.

00:55:54.000 For a long time.

00:55:55.000 From people that stay at the resort.

00:55:56.000 He knows the trick, dude.

00:55:57.000 He eats the outside of Pop-Tarts. 0.99

00:55:59.000 He knew what the fuck to do. 0.99

00:56:01.000 They're all open-air houses you rent on the beach. 0.99

00:56:06.000 Everything's pretty open, except for the bedroom is the only thing that's closed off.

00:56:09.000 And they had latch locks, padlocks on the refrigerator.

00:56:14.000 And I was like, why do you guys lock that up? 1.00

00:56:15.000 And they're like, the monkeys know how to get into all that shit. 1.00

00:56:18.000 They know how to open the door and they know how to get in the drawers. 1.00

00:56:21.000 He's like, dude, they know how to open up egg cartons.

00:56:24.000 They know how to open the lid and take eggs and close the lid.

00:56:27.000 I'm not kidding.

00:56:28.000 He's like, they're that smart.

00:56:29.000 So in the middle of the night, the first night that we were there... 0.91

00:56:33.000 I hear the gate kind of rustling, and then I hear movement, and I'm like, someone's in the fucking house, because it's on the beach, it's wide open, so of course I like grab something, it's the biggest thing I could find next to me, and I'm out there, I'm like, hey! 0.74

00:56:44.000 Hey! 1.00

00:56:44.000 You know, like a nutbag in my fucking house, I'm yelling, of course I look, they're just monkeys chilling, trying to like get shit. 1.00

00:56:50.000 In the house. 1.00

00:56:51.000 They're trying to find shit laying around. 1.00

00:56:53.000 Food, drinks, whatever it was. 0.99

00:56:54.000 And of course I go back to bed and every night I would hear them come and go.

00:56:58.000 But you'd hear them try the refrigerator.

00:57:00.000 You'd hear them pulling on it to see if the latch was, like if we left it unlocked.

00:57:04.000 They're smart.

00:57:05.000 They learn all the little tricks of where you put stuff.

00:57:08.000 Cabinets, I could hear cabinets opening and closing.

00:57:11.000 Yeah, they were smart, man.

00:57:12.000 That's so weird.

00:57:13.000 It's like a little person.

00:57:14.000 It is.

00:57:15.000 Almost.

00:57:15.000 A little sneaky.

00:57:16.000 Yeah, it is a little person. 1.00

00:57:17.000 A little sneaky fuck. 1.00

00:57:18.000 And they put purposely up in this place that I was at, they purposely string wire from house to house to house. 0.99

00:57:25.000 So the monkeys kind of had freedom to go up above because if they would go down by the road, it would cause more traffic and disturbances and all that stuff.

00:57:33.000 So they keep them up in the canopy.

00:57:34.000 So they put rope purposely house to house and tree to tree.

00:57:37.000 That humans put up so they have easier pathways to get down to the water.

00:57:41.000 Because they say when they're down on the ground, it's more distracting.

00:57:43.000 It's a lot harder to drive.

00:57:45.000 They create little messes down below.

00:57:47.000 So if they keep them up high, it's better for them.

00:57:50.000 It was crazy, man.

00:57:51.000 What a wild little creature that can swing from tree to tree. 0.89

00:57:55.000 They fly up into the treetops like that. 1.00

00:57:57.000 Just got them hanging from shit. 0.99

00:57:59.000 They're almost like people. 1.00

00:58:01.000 Sometimes I'd see one just hanging and it'd be staring right at you.

00:58:03.000 But they're almost like people. 0.98

00:58:06.000 They're right fucking there. 0.99

00:58:07.000 Well, the weirdest thing is that if evolution is happening all the time, look at this little monkey. 0.99

00:58:14.000 Look, is this him breaking into a house?

00:58:16.000 Yeah, watch.

00:58:17.000 Watch this.

00:58:17.000 Watch how smart.

00:58:18.000 Look, give me those chips. 1.00

00:58:19.000 I love these fucking chips. 1.00

00:58:20.000 I love that. 1.00

00:58:21.000 It looks like he's looking right at the person, too.

00:58:23.000 Yeah, he is.

00:58:25.000 And he just takes off with the chips.

00:58:27.000 Dude, they know which ones they...

00:58:28.000 He needs to just feed them.

00:58:28.000 They know which ones they like.

00:58:30.000 Just be nice to the guys.

00:58:30.000 Just be nice to them.

00:58:31.000 What happens if you feed them?

00:58:32.000 You can't...

00:58:33.000 No, they tell you not to feed them.

00:58:34.000 What happens?

00:58:34.000 Because, well, then they know to keep coming back and where they can get food.

00:58:36.000 What if you like monkeys?

00:58:37.000 No, they say if they...

00:58:38.000 And they say if you don't...

00:58:40.000 When you stop feeding them after you've fed them enough, then they start to get aggressive.

00:58:44.000 So then you shoot one.

00:58:45.000 And you send a clear message. 0.94

00:58:45.000 Send a message, right? 0.94

00:58:46.000 And then they all come back and kill you. 1.00

00:58:47.000 You pull out a fucking 12-gauge and you blow the little face off one of those cunts. 1.00

00:58:52.000 And you make your drug pouch. 1.00

00:58:53.000 And you go, hey, you guys want free food.

00:58:54.000 You'll get it, but you get it on my terms.

00:58:56.000 My terms, monkey. 0.66

00:58:57.000 And then you go back inside.

00:58:58.000 You just described the plot for Planet of the Apes.

00:59:01.000 It's literally like the plot for Planet of the Apes.

00:59:02.000 You get them hooked.

00:59:03.000 You get them hooked.

00:59:04.000 Yeah, you bait them.

00:59:04.000 Get them hooked on food.

00:59:05.000 Yeah, you bait them.

00:59:06.000 There's a lot of places like that where animals are dependent on people.

00:59:11.000 They're dependent on people to feed them.

00:59:13.000 And it's a little squirrely.

00:59:15.000 There's a place in, I think it's Jamaica, where people swim with wild pigs.

00:59:22.000 The Bahamas, yeah, I've seen it.

00:59:24.000 Now, wild pigs generally avoid people.

00:59:27.000 They don't want to have anything to do with you.

00:59:28.000 And they're dangerous.

00:59:29.000 They're sketchy. 0.96

00:59:30.000 Yeah, wild boars are nuts.

00:59:31.000 Yeah, but in this place, people have been feeding these things for so long.

00:59:35.000 They have trips, like tourist trips, where people fly in, feed these pigs, and swim around with them.

00:59:41.000 So they've got wild pigs that are constantly being fed by people.

00:59:45.000 But a friend of a friend went there, and someone they were with got bit.

00:59:50.000 Oh yeah, I've heard they bite. 1.00

00:59:51.000 It bit them in the ass. 1.00

00:59:52.000 One of the pigs bit them in the ass. 1.00

00:59:54.000 And it was because they didn't have any food or something like that? 1.00

00:59:56.000 Yeah.

00:59:56.000 They didn't offer them anything?

00:59:57.000 You have to keep feeding them throughout the whole thing.

00:59:59.000 It tells you all about it.

01:00:00.000 That they get really ornery and they get really annoyed. 1.00

01:00:03.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:00:04.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:00:05.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:00:05.000 Just drown it. 1.00

01:00:06.000 Just put it right under.

01:00:06.000 No, bro.

01:00:07.000 Bacon.

01:00:08.000 They're strong.

01:00:08.000 No, they are.

01:00:09.000 You can't fuck with those things. 1.00

01:00:10.000 It's a creepy animal because they're beautiful and they're sweet. 1.00

01:00:14.000 Pigs are a weird one. 0.86

01:00:16.000 I know.

01:00:17.000 Look, I'm a dog lover.

01:00:20.000 I love dogs. 0.96

01:00:21.000 Pigs are almost like a dog and maybe smarter. 0.61

01:00:24.000 Close.

01:00:25.000 Well, they're probably definitely smarter.

01:00:26.000 But they like the way they react to people.

01:00:29.000 If you feed them and you're their friend, you become their buddy.

01:00:32.000 Are you against eating them?

01:00:33.000 No. 0.99

01:00:34.000 But also, look, because I've killed them. 0.99

01:00:36.000 I know, they're delicious. 1.00

01:00:37.000 I've killed wild ones.

01:00:37.000 But wild ones are different, man.

01:00:39.000 Right.

01:00:39.000 Because they're out there hustling, okay?

01:00:41.000 They're not in this fucking pen getting slop all day trying to fatten them up. 1.00

01:00:46.000 It's hard to get fat out there. 1.00

01:00:48.000 It's a much more lean meat out there.

01:00:50.000 They're much leaner, but they're also vicious, man.

01:00:53.000 They grow these giant tusks. 1.00

01:00:55.000 They have these big fucking fangs. 1.00

01:00:56.000 And the crazy thing is, they're the same species as the domestic pig. 1.00

01:01:01.000 Right.

01:01:01.000 It's the same animal.

01:01:02.000 Just one's pampered and one's not.

01:01:04.000 Exactly.

01:01:05.000 Have you ever seen javelinas?

01:01:06.000 Do you know what javelinas are?

01:01:07.000 Oh, yeah.

01:01:08.000 That's a peccary. 0.97

01:01:09.000 It looks like a pig. 0.99

01:01:10.000 It looks just like a pig. 0.99

01:01:11.000 That was when I first moved to Arizona. 1.00

01:01:13.000 I saw one, and I was like, oh, what the fuck is that thing? 0.98

01:01:16.000 And my buddy was like, no, no, no, don't go to... 0.99

01:01:17.000 They'll come right at you. 1.00

01:01:19.000 They will fucking go for your legs. 1.00

01:01:21.000 Bad. 1.00

01:01:21.000 Because they're real low to the ground. 1.00

01:01:22.000 But he's like, they'll start spearing you, and they'll come at your legs.

01:01:25.000 And one time I was valeting in college, and I was up way up in the mountain, and it's some dude's, you know, some huge private residence, and there were packs of...

01:01:33.000 I mean, packs of them.

01:01:34.000 And I could hear them rustling around, and they were like positioning themselves because...

01:01:37.000 We were parking cars where they were living.

01:01:40.000 And I was like, we can't park cars up there.

01:01:41.000 You can tell they started to get aggressive and jumping and diving at the cars. 0.93

01:01:44.000 Yeah, they were getting fucking annoyed, man.

01:01:46.000 I was like, we can't go back up there. 1.00

01:01:47.000 We're going to get fucked up by these little bullshit pigs. 1.00

01:01:49.000 You know where Stanhope lives out in Bisbee, which is real close to the border. 1.00

01:01:52.000 They have them all over the place out there.

01:01:54.000 Yeah, they're everywhere.

01:01:54.000 They killed one of his friend's dog.

01:01:56.000 They do kill dogs.

01:01:57.000 Well, they're known to kill cats more, but yeah, they do kill dogs too. 0.89

01:01:59.000 Because dogs are about, depending on the size of your dog, some dogs could fuck those things up because they're not that big.

01:02:05.000 But they're known to murder cats. 1.00

01:02:07.000 It was a small dog.

01:02:07.000 It's a small dog, I think, and I think they flanked it and just came at it from the sides and ripped it apart.

01:02:12.000 They ripped apart a dog, bro.

01:02:13.000 What do you do when something like that kills your dog?

01:02:15.000 Are you out with a shotgun trying to find the rest of them?

01:02:17.000 Dude, I was trying to kill coyotes after they ate my chickens, and I don't give...

01:02:20.000 I mean, I love chickens.

01:02:22.000 Like, they're cute.

01:02:23.000 They're my friends.

01:02:24.000 But when they died, a couple of them died of just natural causes.

01:02:27.000 I'd be like, oh, poor little guy.

01:02:29.000 But if my dog died, it'd be really sad.

01:02:31.000 You know what I mean?

01:02:32.000 It's a different...

01:02:32.000 It's a different relationship.

01:02:33.000 It's way different. 0.99

01:02:33.000 So when these coyotes killed my chickens, I sat out there on the porch with a bow and a rangefinder waiting to fuck them up for days. 0.99

01:02:42.000 I even tied one of the dead chickens that they killed to a pot that you would plant things in. 0.94

01:02:48.000 What are you doing, Jamie?

01:02:51.000 That you plant things in, and I sat it in the middle of the yard as bait, and I sat up there waiting.

01:02:57.000 And one of them came, and my daughter screamed out, a coyote! 0.99

01:03:00.000 And I'm like, god damn, we've got a teacher how to hunt. 1.00

01:03:02.000 Like, I had that motherfucker. 1.00

01:03:04.000 Dad! 1.00

01:03:05.000 It was inside of 40 yards, and he was creeping in.

01:03:08.000 I was like, all I had to do was get to my spot.

01:03:10.000 And I would have probably got a shot.

01:03:12.000 Yeah.

01:03:13.000 How, 40 yards?

01:03:14.000 That's how far away he was?

01:03:14.000 He was at 40 yards when my daughter screamed.

01:03:17.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

01:03:17.000 Well, then he definitely freaked out. 0.99

01:03:19.000 Fuck this. 1.00

01:03:19.000 So I stayed up there for a few hours longer. 1.00

01:03:21.000 What's the furthest that you feel comfortable hitting a target?

01:03:24.000 That's a little target.

01:03:26.000 You know, there's a difference between something...

01:03:30.000 That's the size of a coyote.

01:03:32.000 A coyote is only like...

01:03:33.000 They're not big.

01:03:35.000 Their body might be like...

01:03:37.000 A foot?

01:03:37.000 A foot and a half?

01:03:38.000 A foot and a half.

01:03:38.000 Yeah, they're not big at all.

01:03:40.000 Yeah, they're tiny.

01:03:40.000 From top to bottom.

01:03:41.000 So if you're trying to hit them in the vitals, you don't have a lot to aim at.

01:03:47.000 It's a very small dot.

01:03:48.000 Yeah, you'd want to be fairly close.

01:03:51.000 I think about that all the time. 1.00

01:03:52.000 With a rifle, you could shoot them easy. 0.99

01:03:54.000 Well, that's something totally different. 1.00

01:03:56.000 If you're trying to kill them. 0.98

01:03:57.000 I only grew up shooting rifles. 0.98

01:03:59.000 I never shot a gun until I was...

01:04:01.000 In my 20s.

01:04:02.000 But rifles, I was so used to shooting, I got so accustomed to shooting it. 0.99

01:04:06.000 And then I tried a bow once, and that was unbelievably fucking hard. 0.98

01:04:10.000 You should learn. 0.94

01:04:11.000 It'd be fun for you.

01:04:12.000 You can always come here and practice.

01:04:14.000 I'll come.

01:04:14.000 Next time John Dudley comes into town, I'll have him hook you up.

01:04:17.000 Come teach me, yeah.

01:04:19.000 You'd love it, man.

01:04:20.000 Not even, like, to go hunting, but just to shoot targets.

01:04:23.000 It's really fun.

01:04:24.000 I do like guns, though.

01:04:25.000 That game out there...

01:04:26.000 I do, too.

01:04:27.000 Yeah.

01:04:27.000 That game out there that I have, that...

01:04:30.000 The techno hunt game?

01:04:31.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:04:31.000 Dude, once you get into that and start playing that, and you're shooting at the screen, yeah, it's so fun.

01:04:36.000 Once you're fucking good at it. 0.97

01:04:37.000 It's so fun. 0.98

01:04:37.000 I had Corey Anderson, UFC light heavyweight. 0.98

01:04:39.000 He's a bow hunter.

01:04:40.000 I had him here the other day, and he was playing it.

01:04:41.000 Is he good?

01:04:42.000 He's really good.

01:04:43.000 But you could tell, he practiced. 1.00

01:04:45.000 He's a fucking elite athlete. 0.99

01:04:47.000 Of course he's going to be good at bow hunting. 1.00

01:04:49.000 Yeah, that's true.

01:04:51.000 He's also a fighter, so he's got this disciplined mindset, and he's just on the ball.

01:04:57.000 But you could say right away when you're playing, it was like, oh my god, this is so addictive.

01:05:01.000 I'm like, this is the most addictive game of all time!

01:05:03.000 Once you start it, it's hard to let it go.

01:05:04.000 If you're an actual bowhunter, you only get to shoot a thing, like...

01:05:10.000 A couple times a year.

01:05:11.000 Yeah.

01:05:11.000 You know, if you're going a lot, if you're going a lot, like the idea that you're going to shoot a lot of, like, if you're some Remy Warren type character or Cameron Haynes, yeah, you'll shoot a bunch of deer a year and you live off those.

01:05:24.000 That's what he does though.

01:05:25.000 Yeah.

01:05:25.000 But if you're a regular person, how many deer do you think you're going to find?

01:05:30.000 How many deer do you think you're going to sneak up on?

01:05:31.000 If you're lucky, one or two a year.

01:05:33.000 Yeah, one.

01:05:33.000 So the moment when it happens, it's such a big moment.

01:05:36.000 You're like, fuck, here it is, here it is. 0.99

01:05:38.000 You're trying to stay calm, trying to stay calm. 1.00

01:05:40.000 But with that thing, you're shooting at them all the time.

01:05:43.000 It's just fun.

01:05:43.000 So it's in your head.

01:05:44.000 Right.

01:05:44.000 So what I'm seeing is this animal moves, it moves into the pocket, boom, the release, pop, and it hits it perfect.

01:05:51.000 And you see it over and over and over and over and over again.

01:05:53.000 So what you learn from martial arts or what you learn from stand-up, it's the same thing that applies to bowhunting.

01:05:57.000 It's about repetition.

01:05:59.000 The more you can do it and the more you see it over and over and over again, the more that pattern becomes in your mind. 0.96

01:06:04.000 So for a guy like Corey or someone like me who bowhunts, that game is like, holy shit, this is what I've been looking for. 0.98

01:06:11.000 See a real animal walk into range. 0.97

01:06:14.000 Because you always want to be ethical, right?

01:06:15.000 You want to be able to shoot the right animal.

01:06:18.000 You want to be able to hit it exactly where you want, where it expires very quickly. 0.96

01:06:22.000 Right.

01:06:22.000 The best way to do that is repetitions.

01:06:25.000 So this game is just super addictive.

01:06:27.000 What's the game called?

01:06:29.000 It's called Techno Hunt.

01:06:30.000 Techno Hunt.

01:06:31.000 And you score against each other.

01:06:32.000 So if you and I were playing, you'd give 10 points for a bullseye, 8 points for the vitals.

01:06:37.000 You'd get like 5 points for a body shot.

01:06:39.000 Are headshots worth it?

01:06:41.000 No.

01:06:42.000 It would have to be a very small animal.

01:06:44.000 Something about headshots, playing gun games, first-person shooter games, over the years, headshots are always the most rewarded thing.

01:06:49.000 Like, oh, headshot.

01:06:50.000 But you don't want to do that with an animal. 0.72

01:06:52.000 You do if you have a rifle and you want it to die instantaneously.

01:06:56.000 And it's the way they do it that some hunters that are chefs do it.

01:07:03.000 Hunters who are chefs... 1.00

01:07:05.000 There's two different kinds of hunters, right?

01:07:07.000 There's hunters that eat the meat, but they want to shoot a mature animal, because that's what everybody strives for.

01:07:17.000 If you're a skilled hunter, like if you're a Steven Rinella or someone like that, what you're trying to get is an old, wise animal that's already spread its DNA. Yeah.

01:07:28.000 And it's mature, and it's probably the end of its breeding cycle.

01:07:31.000 That's what a guy like that wants.

01:07:33.000 He's like the ultimate hunter, right?

01:07:35.000 What he wants is the most fair chase.

01:07:39.000 He never hunts in high fence operations.

01:07:41.000 The most fair chase, the wildest animal, and he wants to get the oldest, maturest one.

01:08:00.000 Right, right.

01:08:08.000 Yeah, you want some still tenderness to it, some softness to the muscle.

01:08:11.000 But then there's people like Hank Shaw, who's also a world-famous chef, who's also a hunter, who prefers older animals because he thinks there's flavor to them and there's life to them, like their aging and all their life experience that comes out,

01:08:29.000 if you cook them correctly, it just requires a different sort of preparation.

01:08:32.000 It's kind of like young women versus older women.

01:08:36.000 Young women have a lot of positives about them, but older women have just as many positives about them.

01:08:41.000 Older women that like to work out. 1.00

01:08:42.000 There's more flavor.

01:08:43.000 That's what you want.

01:08:44.000 You want a chick who's like 36 plus who hits the gym every day. 1.00

01:08:50.000 Trust me.

01:08:51.000 I know.

01:08:52.000 I've had this conversation about the whole, like, if we stop working out, it's over.

01:08:57.000 I say if we stop exercising and caring about our health, it's over.

01:09:01.000 That's what you said.

01:09:01.000 Fact.

01:09:02.000 No, I mean, I wanted my lawyer, as a joke, to sign a document that says if we get fat, it's like free and clear.

01:09:10.000 Gone.

01:09:10.000 But I mean it.

01:09:11.000 If she gets fat, out. 0.54

01:09:13.000 If I get fat, she should be out. 1.00

01:09:14.000 If either of us break this thing that we're doing together.

01:09:17.000 What if it brings you closer?

01:09:18.000 That she gets fat? 0.75

01:09:19.000 You don't have to worry about body image anymore. 1.00

01:09:21.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:09:22.000 You just let yourself go. 1.00

01:09:23.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:09:24.000 Come on. 1.00

01:09:24.000 Fuck that shit. 1.00

01:09:25.000 Hey. 1.00

01:09:26.000 Hey.

01:09:27.000 You're shaming right now.

01:09:28.000 Will you realize it or not?

01:09:29.000 I know you don't want to shame, but you're doing it. 1.00

01:09:31.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:09:32.000 Joe, you fat fuck. 1.00

01:09:34.000 I can't believe you. 1.00

01:09:36.000 I just think we've made a bond together.

01:09:38.000 We've made a pact where we're like, we both want to stay relatively healthy and take care of ourselves.

01:09:41.000 So in our older years, my parents are both in really great shape because they've cared their whole lives.

01:09:45.000 Not to a point of not having fun. 0.99

01:09:49.000 They still have a great fucking time. 0.98

01:09:51.000 But just stay consistent with caring about what you put in your body and the way you work out. 1.00

01:09:55.000 Simple shit. 1.00

01:09:56.000 So yeah, if she gets fat, bye. 1.00

01:09:58.000 If I get fat, she's bye too. 1.00

01:10:00.000 If I get fucking fat, she's gone. 1.00

01:10:02.000 She even said it. 1.00

01:10:03.000 She was like, I'll leave your fat ass. 1.00

01:10:04.000 Being fat is such a weird one that people call people fat who aren't fat. 1.00

01:10:08.000 Right. 0.99

01:10:08.000 I mean fucking huge. 0.99

01:10:10.000 I know, but I'm just saying, as an insult, it's such a weird one. 0.98

01:10:13.000 It is.

01:10:14.000 Because girls will call girls fat. 1.00

01:10:16.000 Like that fat bitch. 1.00

01:10:17.000 Look at her. 1.00

01:10:17.000 That girl's not fat. 1.00

01:10:19.000 What are you saying?

01:10:21.000 It's a dig.

01:10:22.000 It's another gig. 1.00

01:10:22.000 You fat fuck. 1.00

01:10:23.000 Look at you, you fat fuck. 1.00

01:10:24.000 Guys who say that to guys that barely have any fat on them. 1.00

01:10:27.000 Fat fuck. 1.00

01:10:28.000 Eat another cheeseburger, Jamie, you fat fuck. 1.00

01:10:30.000 Fat fuck. 1.00

01:10:31.000 It's an easy dig. 1.00

01:10:32.000 Yeah.

01:10:32.000 It's an easy insult.

01:10:34.000 Dude, I had a girl call me fat. 1.00

01:10:36.000 There's a video of it online.

01:10:37.000 A girl calling me fat at the comedy store and I pull up my shirt.

01:10:40.000 Recently?

01:10:40.000 My six pack.

01:10:42.000 No, like a long time ago. 0.99

01:10:44.000 Now I go, okay, you're just crazy. 0.85

01:10:45.000 But I was like, why am I fat? 0.96

01:10:47.000 Like, where are you coming up with that? 1.00

01:10:49.000 You're fucking, you're fat. 1.00

01:10:53.000 It's a weird thing, the fact that the body can carry excess tissue. 1.00

01:11:00.000 It's a mistake.

01:11:02.000 Like, I get it, it's a good way to store fuel.

01:11:04.000 But when it gets to a point, like, why are you still hungry? 0.93

01:11:07.000 What kind of shitty system do we have that you're this big and you're still hungry? 0.94

01:11:11.000 Your body should say, hey, bro, bro, bro, bro! 1.00

01:11:14.000 We got the fuel!

01:11:15.000 But it does.

01:11:16.000 But your body's working off carbohydrates.

01:11:18.000 That's a problem.

01:11:19.000 Right.

01:11:19.000 And it's not burning fat.

01:11:20.000 No.

01:11:21.000 That's why that whole ketogenic diet works, as much as people don't like to think that it does.

01:11:25.000 I know.

01:11:25.000 There's so much controversy about that, like from non-scientists, which is hilarious.

01:11:29.000 If you talk to actual scientists like Dom D'Agostino, who talked to you about the peer-reviewed research...

01:11:34.000 That's been done on ketogenic states and all the different benefits and how it could be healthy and how he does it and ketone esters and all these different factors you have to take into consideration.

01:11:45.000 Ketone testing and blood testing.

01:11:47.000 There's all these knuckleheads saying it's bad for you.

01:11:50.000 It's not a good idea.

01:11:51.000 Like, Julian Michaels, like, it's not a good idea.

01:11:54.000 You better stop.

01:11:55.000 People are losing hundreds of pounds!

01:11:57.000 It's a normal state.

01:11:58.000 It's a normal state for your body to burn fat.

01:12:00.000 And you have more clarity.

01:12:02.000 And you also, you're not as hungry.

01:12:05.000 You're not as hungry during the day.

01:12:07.000 My problem with it is, I don't think it's the best thing for performance.

01:12:12.000 I think, like, you have a little bit more energy if you burn glucose, too.

01:12:18.000 Because even, like...

01:12:19.000 The top, there's Zach Bitter.

01:12:22.000 What did he win, the American?

01:12:23.000 He ran 100 miles in like 11 hours around a track. 1.00

01:12:31.000 These guys, they could do this shit. 1.00

01:12:32.000 Some crazy record. 1.00

01:12:34.000 Two miles and I need to chill for a minute.

01:12:35.000 Some crazy record for...

01:12:38.000 100 mile record, he broke 11 hours 40 minutes 55 seconds.

01:12:43.000 That's insane.

01:12:44.000 Seven minute miles.

01:12:44.000 That's insane.

01:12:45.000 Seven minute miles.

01:12:46.000 Seven minute miles. 1.00

01:12:47.000 For a hundred fucking miles. 1.00

01:12:48.000 Now, he is on primarily a carnivore diet. 1.00

01:12:52.000 All meat.

01:12:53.000 All meat.

01:12:54.000 Ribeyes.

01:12:55.000 And barely any...

01:12:57.000 Meat and fat.

01:12:57.000 Barely any greens, right?

01:12:58.000 Barely any greens.

01:12:59.000 But then when he competes, he takes a lot of glucose.

01:13:04.000 He'll take glucose gel, like those gels.

01:13:07.000 Yeah, the gel packets.

01:13:08.000 Yeah, I've seen those.

01:13:08.000 Yeah, those that runners use.

01:13:09.000 He pounds in that shit, pounds in the carbs, so he can burn that off, too. 1.00

01:13:14.000 Right. 1.00

01:13:15.000 Because he's living off fat and protein.

01:13:20.000 But when he competes, he doesn't do that.

01:13:23.000 And I think that's the key. 0.99

01:13:26.000 You're saying when he competes, he does use the glucose, but when he's done competing, he doesn't fuck with it. 0.98

01:13:29.000 Then he goes back to putting his body in a fat-burning state. 0.98

01:13:34.000 Pure carnivore diets are kind of crazy, though.

01:13:37.000 Just meat with nothing else?

01:13:39.000 It's all they eat, man.

01:13:41.000 I know what you need.

01:13:41.000 Jordan Peterson's done it now for over a year, and he released his blood work, or the results of his blood work, at least.

01:13:48.000 Everything's in range.

01:13:49.000 Everything's healthy.

01:13:50.000 But he takes supplemental vitamins to nothing.

01:13:52.000 No, he doesn't do anything.

01:13:53.000 He eats steak with salt on it, and he drinks water.

01:13:58.000 And I'm telling you, listen to me, man.

01:14:00.000 If he gets a Perrier with lime in it, he'll spit it out. 1.00

01:14:04.000 He doesn't want the lime in a fucking Perrier. 1.00

01:14:06.000 Nah, that's just fucking crazy. 1.00

01:14:08.000 That's too much, dude. 0.99

01:14:09.000 The guy lost 50 pounds.

01:14:10.000 50 pounds?

01:14:11.000 50 pounds.

01:14:12.000 Lost 50 pounds.

01:14:13.000 He had some serious immunological issues.

01:14:17.000 Immunological? 0.80

01:14:18.000 Is that a word?

01:14:19.000 Immunological? 0.80

01:14:21.000 Yeah, it sounds made up.

01:14:22.000 Yeah.

01:14:23.000 I don't know.

01:14:24.000 He had serious immune deficiency?

01:14:26.000 He had immune deficiency.

01:14:28.000 Immunological? 0.80

01:14:28.000 But doesn't it sound fake? 0.80

01:14:29.000 It sounds phony, yeah.

01:14:30.000 It sounds fake.

01:14:31.000 Immunology is a word. 0.99

01:14:32.000 I know.

01:14:32.000 Immunology, yeah.

01:14:33.000 I know, but immunological sounds like bullshit. 0.99

01:14:36.000 It sounds like... 0.99

01:14:36.000 You took two words and put them together. 0.99

01:14:37.000 It's a fake sophistication right there.

01:14:40.000 Sophistication.

01:14:41.000 It's some serious issues.

01:14:43.000 And it helped.

01:14:44.000 Yeah, dude.

01:14:44.000 Also suffered from depression.

01:14:46.000 All that stuff.

01:14:47.000 Look, a lot of what they think that...

01:14:49.000 A lot of the issues that people suffer from, they suffer because of inflammation.

01:14:53.000 And when scientists are studying things like the carnivore diet, what...

01:14:58.000 What's striking to them almost more than the fact that you're just eating meat is that you're not eating all these other things.

01:15:04.000 And so that in giving your body only one food source to deal with, sometimes your body can eliminate a lot of the issues that it has.

01:15:13.000 And it also mimics some of the benefits of fasting. 0.98

01:15:16.000 I'm too stupid to be really judging this. 0.99

01:15:18.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:15:19.000 Well, I'm listening to all of it, so I'm fucking dumb, too. 0.99

01:15:21.000 He had like receding gums. 0.99

01:15:23.000 He had some serious gum issue that all went away.

01:15:26.000 All these things went away when he was on that carnivore diet for a year.

01:15:28.000 I don't eat like that.

01:15:30.000 I'm not saying eat like that.

01:15:31.000 I don't eat like that.

01:15:32.000 I just think there's got to be a balance.

01:15:34.000 I think some people may work with that, right?

01:15:36.000 But they'll also tell you there's so many diets that people do that their blood doesn't line up with that diet.

01:15:39.000 It's not good for them, right?

01:15:41.000 Some people it just works with, right?

01:15:42.000 Some people can have higher intakes of red meat and other people it's really, really bad for their system just because of the way their blood is.

01:15:49.000 Well, some people are literally allergic to it.

01:15:51.000 Right.

01:15:51.000 But like, my wife needs way more iron.

01:15:54.000 Like, needs, like, has to have it.

01:15:56.000 So whether it's supplemented by pills or by higher instances of meats with higher iron in it, has to.

01:16:01.000 I heard cum has a lot of vitamins in it and some iron.

01:16:04.000 I'm not, I can't produce anymore, man. 0.97

01:16:05.000 None. 1.00

01:16:06.000 I cut off my balls. 1.00

01:16:07.000 I turned them in. 1.00

01:16:08.000 Yeah.

01:16:09.000 What did you, what caused you to turn them in?

01:16:12.000 What was the final straw?

01:16:13.000 It was this movement downtown LA. Were you embarrassed at your own gender?

01:16:16.000 Yeah, I went to the Me Too thing and I cut off my balls and I left them there. 0.99

01:16:19.000 I donated them. 0.89

01:16:20.000 If people started calling for that, if girls started calling for that, guys would do it. 1.00

01:16:26.000 Remove your nuts?

01:16:26.000 There's guys out there that would do it.

01:16:27.000 There's a certain kind of guy that would do it.

01:16:30.000 There's so many people. 0.98

01:16:31.000 If you called for guys to step out into the middle of the town square and cut their own balls off, at least a couple guys would show up. 0.97

01:16:39.000 I can name two dudes. 0.98

01:16:40.000 This is the world we live in. 0.99

01:16:41.000 There's a couple of dudes I know that would fucking do it. 0.99

01:16:43.000 Exactly. 0.97

01:16:44.000 Just for like Twitter cred.

01:16:45.000 Yeah, just for some street.

01:16:46.000 Just for the retweets.

01:16:49.000 Just for some love from feminists. 1.00

01:16:50.000 This is how you are an ally, boys.

01:16:53.000 Learn.

01:16:55.000 Like your favorite shirts.

01:16:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:16:58.000 Females kick ass. 1.00

01:16:59.000 Or what is it? 1.00

01:17:00.000 Women kick ass? 1.00

01:17:01.000 Girls kick ass. 1.00

01:17:01.000 Girls kick ass, yeah. 1.00

01:17:03.000 Yeah, the idea of virtue signaling overt support for something, it's so see-through when you're like, I'm here for you girls. 0.99

01:17:14.000 It's so see-through. 1.00

01:17:14.000 God, it's such a crock of shit. 1.00

01:17:16.000 You can feel that way without yelling it all the time. 1.00

01:17:22.000 What are you doing?

01:17:25.000 What's the purpose?

01:17:26.000 Who are you reaching out?

01:17:29.000 What are you supporting?

01:17:30.000 What is happening here?

01:17:32.000 It's another instance of the echo chamber doing the whole...

01:17:35.000 supporting the thing that I don't think people are really...

01:17:38.000 I talk about it on stage about the word transphobic over like...

01:17:44.000 I understand the meaning, but I also think it's hyperbolized in essence of like there are these large groups of people that are against trans people.

01:17:52.000 I don't believe that whatsoever.

01:17:53.000 But there definitely are.

01:17:54.000 I think there's small groups of people that get a lot of attention.

01:17:57.000 I don't think there's massive...

01:17:59.000 Look, the KKK... Is significantly larger of a group than whatever group you want to formulate of transphobic nature.

01:18:06.000 I know a lot of people don't even know what that is, right?

01:18:08.000 I haven't done any statistical research.

01:18:10.000 Look how many KKK members there are in the United States.

01:18:12.000 How many think there are?

01:18:13.000 Tens of thousands.

01:18:14.000 Okay, how many people do you think that are super religious that don't believe in trans people or that don't think that they should be able to call themselves a woman?

01:18:24.000 I think most of those people don't care enough to call themselves part of that category.

01:18:28.000 They just disagree.

01:18:29.000 They go, I don't really like it.

01:18:31.000 I don't get it.

01:18:31.000 I think there's more of those than there are people that are adamantly against trans rights.

01:18:37.000 I think we have to take into consideration what we already said about guys willing to cut their balls off. 0.98

01:18:41.000 That there are guys like that. 0.99

01:18:43.000 Sure, there are some.

01:18:44.000 There are so many people in this country.

01:18:47.000 I guarantee you there's a lot of transphobic people.

01:18:49.000 A lot.

01:18:50.000 Listen, man, if you read the comments, and I don't and I didn't, but someone told me that the comments on the Eddie Izzard Instagram post that I made were horrific.

01:18:59.000 But don't you think a lot of that is internet fodder?

01:19:01.000 See, that's my thing. 0.99

01:19:02.000 I think people like to say shit on the internet, even if they don't believe it, because they know that gets attention. 1.00

01:19:06.000 If they go, fuck, this fucking dude looks like a chick. 1.00

01:19:09.000 Well, I don't know what they said. 1.00

01:19:10.000 Maybe they were just making fun of the way he looks. 0.99

01:19:12.000 But you can assume what fucking people write on the internet about that issue. 1.00

01:19:16.000 They would just go, what's up with this fuck? 1.00

01:19:18.000 Oh, here, I'll give you an example. 1.00

01:19:19.000 I tweeted the other day about the Met Gala, Harry Styles.

01:19:23.000 I tweeted, he was wearing like, a lot of men were wearing like dresses at the Met Gala.

01:19:29.000 This was a whole thing.

01:19:30.000 And I tweeted, Tilda Swinton looked fire at the Met Gala.

01:19:34.000 Because he looked like Tilda Swinton.

01:19:35.000 Not because I'm saying like...

01:19:36.000 Who's Tilda Swinton? 1.00

01:19:37.000 She's a fucking actress who has short hair. 1.00

01:19:39.000 Right? 1.00

01:19:40.000 So, right.

01:19:41.000 That was him.

01:19:41.000 And I said, Tilda Swinton looked fire at the Met Gala.

01:19:44.000 Who is this gentleman that I'm looking at?

01:19:45.000 He's a pop star.

01:19:47.000 He's like part of...

01:19:47.000 What's it called?

01:19:48.000 One Direction.

01:19:49.000 He's part of One Direction.

01:19:50.000 What is happening with that shirt?

01:19:52.000 That's what he wore to the Met Gala.

01:19:54.000 What did you say, Jamie?

01:19:55.000 It's a blouse.

01:19:56.000 Shirts versus blouses. 0.90

01:19:57.000 Okay, here's the thing. 1.00

01:19:58.000 If you're going to one of those things, and you're going to stand in front of all these jackasses with cameras to take a picture, why not wear a fucking blouse? 1.00

01:20:05.000 That's his point. 0.99

01:20:06.000 I should wear a blouse.

01:20:07.000 But I said, Tilda Swinton looked fire, because when I saw the first image, his face kind of looked like Tilda Swinton.

01:20:11.000 Of course.

01:20:12.000 I'm making the joke about...

01:20:13.000 What's a joke?

01:20:13.000 You're a comedian.

01:20:14.000 Well, dude, everyone was like...

01:20:16.000 You were very funny last night.

01:20:17.000 Thank you.

01:20:18.000 Everyone went after me.

01:20:19.000 Everyone was like...

01:20:20.000 Of course. 1.00

01:20:20.000 You fucking... 1.00

01:20:21.000 Nazi? 1.00

01:20:22.000 Are you a Nazi? 0.67

01:20:23.000 Well, here's my problem.

01:20:24.000 They go... 0.96

01:20:25.000 I think he's gay, right? 0.98

01:20:27.000 Is he gay, Jamie?

01:20:28.000 No, I think somebody told me they were like... 0.90

01:20:29.000 Leave him alone.

01:20:30.000 They were like, you're making fun of his sexuality.

01:20:32.000 I was like, what?

01:20:33.000 I can't make fun of people anymore for people? 0.95

01:20:35.000 I said, he looked like Tilda fucking Swinton. 0.66

01:20:37.000 Why are you reading comments? 0.99

01:20:39.000 Because I'm not as famous as you. 0.99

01:20:41.000 Just stop and think about the amount of people that had their balls. 0.99

01:20:44.000 I know. 1.00

01:20:44.000 That would just walk into that town square and cut their balls off to be an ally. 1.00

01:20:49.000 Now stop and think about those people commenting. 0.99

01:20:52.000 Yeah, I know.

01:20:53.000 And you're reading it.

01:20:53.000 I know.

01:20:54.000 And you're allowing it to fuck with your head. 1.00

01:20:55.000 Sometimes I feed into it. 1.00

01:20:57.000 A lot of times I don't.

01:20:58.000 When do you not?

01:20:59.000 When I'm confident in whatever I posted.

01:21:02.000 That's interesting, right?

01:21:03.000 That joke I knew was going to be misinterpreted.

01:21:06.000 I knew when I wrote that, I go, someone will misinterpret this.

01:21:09.000 Oh.

01:21:10.000 That's why I still posted it. 0.99

01:21:12.000 But I read some shit sometimes if I go, I wonder if that was dumb or if that was cool. 0.99

01:21:17.000 Wouldn't it be fun if you could be half drunk all the time and never suffer any physical consequences? 1.00

01:21:22.000 Me?

01:21:22.000 You know, I'd love that.

01:21:23.000 Nothing would make me more happy.

01:21:25.000 I love drinking.

01:21:26.000 But with a half a buzz on.

01:21:27.000 You know that feeling when you get a half a buzz on?

01:21:29.000 It's my favorite thing in the world.

01:21:31.000 Like, ha.

01:21:31.000 No one can touch me.

01:21:33.000 Just feel good, you know?

01:21:35.000 Oh, I know that feeling.

01:21:36.000 Hanging out with your friends.

01:21:37.000 Having a buzz and not worried about it.

01:21:39.000 That's how alcoholism starts.

01:21:40.000 I think that was a lot of members of my family had half a buzz all the time.

01:21:43.000 Well, half a buzz all the time.

01:21:48.000 That would be a good place to be.

01:21:50.000 Maybe.

01:21:50.000 How many drinks?

01:21:52.000 The good half or the bad half?

01:21:53.000 You can't control that.

01:21:54.000 That feeling you get after that first glass of wine.

01:21:59.000 Why do you think people have wine at lunch?

01:22:02.000 I had sushi and some woman was drinking a bottle of wine by herself yesterday. 1.00

01:22:07.000 Is that legal?

01:22:07.000 Like if you work in an office and you have a glass...

01:22:09.000 Do they let you have a cocktail at lunch?

01:22:11.000 Totally.

01:22:12.000 It depends on where you work. 0.98

01:22:14.000 Listen, in our industry, entertainment industry, there's no fucking rules. 0.98

01:22:17.000 Well, obviously. 0.98

01:22:17.000 But I'm saying like a regular... 0.98

01:22:18.000 But do you remember the dude who used to run the Tempe Improv?

01:22:21.000 Didn't want you doing shots before you go on stage?

01:22:23.000 Yeah, no drinks before you...

01:22:24.000 He had a conversation with me about it.

01:22:26.000 He's like, do you really need that?

01:22:27.000 And I was like, hey, hey, listen to me.

01:22:30.000 Look at me.

01:22:30.000 I'm a professional.

01:22:32.000 I'm also an athlete.

01:22:33.000 I work out a lot.

01:22:34.000 I'll be fine.

01:22:35.000 I'm going to do this.

01:22:36.000 Tomorrow I'm going to go to the gym.

01:22:38.000 You want to work out with me?

01:22:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:22:39.000 Well, shut the fuck up, man. 1.00

01:22:40.000 Come on. 1.00

01:22:41.000 Just own the club, dude.

01:22:42.000 I'm not going to get so drunk I can't talk.

01:22:45.000 I'm having a shot before I perform.

01:22:47.000 If you became one of those guys, you would know.

01:22:50.000 Everybody knows.

01:22:51.000 It's like...

01:22:52.000 I know what I'm doing, okay?

01:22:54.000 And even if I have too many, if I have four or five instead of two, I'm going to be okay.

01:23:01.000 Right.

01:23:02.000 Like, I'm grown up.

01:23:03.000 I'm still figuring it out.

01:23:03.000 I'm not driving anywhere drunk.

01:23:05.000 I'm not doing anything stupid. 0.90

01:23:06.000 I'm working tonight.

01:23:07.000 In fact, there's nights where I've had a few because I've been sad about where I am.

01:23:10.000 Like, I'm at a club that I don't want to be at or something.

01:23:12.000 And I'll have a few too many.

01:23:13.000 But I'll get on stage and the first thing I think is, I still got to put on a show.

01:23:17.000 I still got to work hard.

01:23:19.000 But I'm a little drunk, but autopilot kicks in a little bit.

01:23:23.000 Sometimes, like, back in the day, if I was sad about the small, shitty room, it would just kick into the jokes I already knew were going to work.

01:23:29.000 And I was kind of going through the motions.

01:23:31.000 I was still delivering, but it was sad because you're like, I don't know if I'm enjoying this or I'm going through the motions.

01:23:36.000 If I'm just kind of like, hey, this is the joke, that's the joke, and my mind is just on a Rolodex of, like, this joke, spin, that joke.

01:23:43.000 Where now, I'm just at a happier place in my career that...

01:23:47.000 Now if I did get a little too drunk before I went on stage, I'd be genuinely nervous.

01:23:52.000 I'd be nervous about my performance level. 0.99

01:23:55.000 It's like, fuck, are they going to hear me slip up a little bit? 0.99

01:23:58.000 Because I'll feel it. 1.00

01:23:59.000 Because with great power comes great responsibility.

01:24:02.000 You have great power.

01:24:03.000 The bigger the rooms, the more...

01:24:05.000 You have great power.

01:24:06.000 Not me.

01:24:06.000 But the bigger the rooms get, the more I feel...

01:24:10.000 The more I feel more responsible to do even better than I have been doing. 1.00

01:24:15.000 Dude, you walked out on stage in San Diego in front of 13,000 people and owned that motherfucker. 1.00

01:24:21.000 It was fucking wild. 1.00

01:24:22.000 That was wild. 0.99

01:24:23.000 How many were I was doing in the round?

01:24:25.000 It was weird to do the round.

01:24:26.000 I... I don't know if I... I love it.

01:24:28.000 I don't know if I loved it or hated it, but it was this feeling of such uniqueness that I couldn't judge it in the moment.

01:24:34.000 Like, it was happening so fast.

01:24:36.000 There was no sitting on the stool in this 13,000 people.

01:24:40.000 There's no stagnancy.

01:24:41.000 You have to keep moving.

01:24:42.000 You're moving around.

01:24:43.000 The whole time.

01:24:43.000 Yeah, I liked it.

01:24:44.000 It's interesting.

01:24:45.000 It was wild.

01:24:46.000 Because the screens are so big and everybody could always see your face no matter where...

01:24:49.000 Yeah.

01:24:50.000 It was good.

01:24:51.000 I loved it.

01:24:52.000 13,000 human beings. 1.00

01:24:53.000 That's a lot of fucking people, son. 1.00

01:24:55.000 It was very weird, dude. 1.00

01:24:56.000 By the way, I'm going to Denver.

01:24:58.000 When is that?

01:25:00.000 What is it?

01:25:01.000 No.

01:25:01.000 Jamie's giving me wrong directions.

01:25:03.000 Jamie.

01:25:03.000 Jamie just blurts things out.

01:25:05.000 Just takes chances.

01:25:07.000 24th of September!

01:25:08.000 He's been slipping a little bit.

01:25:09.000 Have you noticed that, Joe?

01:25:10.000 I was drunk.

01:25:10.000 What's been going on, Jamie?

01:25:11.000 He's half drunk.

01:25:11.000 He's half drunk all the time.

01:25:12.000 Are you half buzzed?

01:25:13.000 Oh, it's August 3rd.

01:25:14.000 August what?

01:25:15.000 23 and 24. August 23rd, I'm at the Belco Theater.

01:25:18.000 How did you not know that, Jamie?

01:25:19.000 And I just belted that out.

01:25:20.000 And then... 1.00

01:25:20.000 You have the fucking computer. 1.00

01:25:22.000 August 9th, I'm in Portland. 1.00

01:25:25.000 And August 10th, I'm in the Bay Area at the Shoreline Amphitheater.

01:25:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:25:30.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:25:31.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:25:32.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:25:33.000 You're going to have some fun, dude. 1.00

01:25:34.000 Fucking A. We go to Chicago. 0.99

01:25:35.000 I'm going to go with you to Chicago.

01:25:36.000 How fun was Austin?

01:25:37.000 Austin was a good guy.

01:25:38.000 Incredible.

01:25:39.000 That club is so good.

01:25:40.000 Yeah, it's great.

01:25:41.000 Capsody, you know.

01:25:42.000 One of the best clubs in the country.

01:25:44.000 That's like, I think doing those clubs, like doing weekends at clubs is real valuable.

01:25:50.000 That's, I got to, I'm going to book more of those.

01:25:52.000 You know, like it's great always to be working at the store and it's great when we're doing these big places in the road, but those clubs, there's something about, like have you done Zany's in Nashville?

01:25:59.000 Never done Zany's Nashville.

01:26:01.000 Let's do it.

01:26:01.000 Zany's Chicago I've done.

01:26:02.000 Never done Nashville.

01:26:03.000 Let's do it.

01:26:04.000 Okay.

01:26:04.000 Let's do it.

01:26:04.000 Let's go.

01:26:05.000 That place is a shit. 1.00

01:26:06.000 Did you see that the punchline in San Francisco is closing? 1.00

01:26:09.000 And so did the Parlor Live.

01:26:10.000 The Parlor Live is going down too.

01:26:12.000 The punchline is closing forever?

01:26:14.000 No.

01:26:14.000 Some people said they might move it or something.

01:26:16.000 No, no, no.

01:26:16.000 Here's what's happening.

01:26:17.000 This is the real report.

01:26:17.000 I read an article again this morning because last night Ali Wong told me.

01:26:22.000 And I read the article that was posted this morning and it basically said they lost their lease.

01:26:26.000 They couldn't renew it because that building's getting bought out, basically.

01:26:30.000 So they are working diligently now to try to relocate the club.

01:26:34.000 So they just need to find a new location.

01:26:35.000 Yeah, but for the time being, it's going to be gone.

01:26:38.000 You know what I worry about?

01:26:39.000 I worry they're gonna go big, like they did with Cobbs.

01:26:42.000 Right.

01:26:42.000 Like, I used to do Cobbs when it was not...

01:26:46.000 I don't think it was 150 seats.

01:26:48.000 It was tiny.

01:26:49.000 Right, now it's like 450. It's giant.

01:26:51.000 It became the opposite of what it used to be.

01:26:54.000 Right.

01:26:54.000 It used to be a place you would go, and you'd make less money, but you'd have more fun, because it was, like, real tight.

01:26:59.000 Everybody was, like, smashed into this place, and it was a legendary place.

01:27:03.000 That's punchline.

01:27:04.000 There it is, bro.

01:27:04.000 That's punchline.

01:27:04.000 That's easily one of the best.

01:27:05.000 And I wanted to go back, which kind of sucks that it's going to be gone now.

01:27:08.000 The reason I love this club so much, so what you see is the stage and tables and behind us, which you can't see, is the bars in the back of the room, which is one of my favorite elements of a cool club.

01:27:18.000 You don't need to worry about people getting a drink to the side or the left behind you.

01:27:22.000 You can't hear an ice machine.

01:27:23.000 It's in the very back of the room and they do such a good job of hiding their noise and their distractions.

01:27:28.000 So it's all about the show. 0.98

01:27:30.000 They were fucking so good at it, man. 0.99

01:27:32.000 They're really good. 0.99

01:27:33.000 I hope they keep an intimate venue.

01:27:35.000 I really do.

01:27:35.000 Yeah, I love that room.

01:27:36.000 San Francisco needs an intimate venue.

01:27:37.000 Does San Francisco have a good comedy scene these days?

01:27:39.000 I hear a variant of stories.

01:27:42.000 I think a lot of people would say that it was better back a couple decades ago.

01:27:46.000 But I do think that when I go up there, when I have been up there, there's a lot of young people that are really good that are coming still out of Northern California.

01:27:52.000 But I mean, Cobbs and there used to be...

01:27:56.000 What is it, Green Onion?

01:27:57.000 No, the Purple Onion?

01:27:58.000 Purple Onion.

01:27:59.000 Yeah, that used to be there.

01:28:00.000 There was one more.

01:28:01.000 Is that what it's called?

01:28:02.000 Why does it sound wrong?

01:28:03.000 I don't know, because I'm saying it.

01:28:04.000 It sounds wrong, right?

01:28:05.000 No, is it the Purple Onion?

01:28:05.000 Look up the Purple Onion.

01:28:06.000 I think you're right, but it's one of those things.

01:28:09.000 Yeah, where you're like...

01:28:09.000 The other thing we talked about earlier, it sounds wrong.

01:28:11.000 You're like, you made that up.

01:28:12.000 Immunological. 0.83

01:28:13.000 Immunological. 0.83

01:28:14.000 We're going to open up a club called the Immunological Purple Onion. 0.98

01:28:17.000 But I don't know shit about the fucking San Francisco scene anymore, because the only clubs that I've done, or the only things I've done are Punchline and I did Cobb's. 0.96

01:28:24.000 I think Zach Galifianakis did a special there. 0.99

01:28:27.000 Yeah, he did a special.

01:28:28.000 Live at the Purple Onion.

01:28:29.000 Yes, that's right.

01:28:30.000 That's a small place, too, right?

01:28:31.000 Purple Onion.

01:28:32.000 Yeah, it was tiny.

01:28:33.000 Tiny, tiny.

01:28:33.000 Is that gone?

01:28:34.000 That place is gone?

01:28:34.000 I think that's not there anymore.

01:28:35.000 So, for real intimate spots on the road, you still have Atlanta.

01:28:40.000 Atlanta's got one of the best places.

01:28:42.000 Look at that.

01:28:43.000 That's the Purple Onion.

01:28:44.000 That's it.

01:28:45.000 That's gone, huh?

01:28:45.000 Tiny, gone.

01:28:46.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:28:47.000 That was in 2012. Yeah, it was close in 2012. God, look how intimate it is. 1.00

01:28:51.000 Look how small it is.

01:28:53.000 The only other venue that's like that, that's small, like that still is like, you're talking about Laughing Skull is still small.

01:28:58.000 That's still tiny.

01:28:59.000 Yeah, that's real tiny.

01:29:00.000 What is that seat?

01:29:01.000 Like 90?

01:29:01.000 I think they said 90, yeah.

01:29:02.000 100 if they're packed out.

01:29:04.000 Stuffing them in there.

01:29:05.000 I was in town doing something.

01:29:06.000 I went over there to watch Garland, to watch Jeff do Jeff's thing.

01:29:10.000 How was it? 0.99

01:29:11.000 Jeff is so unabashedly clear that he's just fucking around. 0.95

01:29:18.000 He was so obviously like, I'm going to fucking do this whole set about one guy. 0.97

01:29:24.000 And he picked a guy out of the audience, and he did the entire set about the guy. 0.90

01:29:28.000 And it was just like... 1.00

01:29:29.000 Him just fucking around. 1.00

01:29:31.000 He was having tons of fun. 1.00

01:29:33.000 He's a sweet guy.

01:29:35.000 He's hilarious, man.

01:29:37.000 His brain moves very fast in a way that I wouldn't anticipate, right?

01:29:42.000 For some reason, you're like, is he quick?

01:29:46.000 He's very quick.

01:29:47.000 He's a very cool, funny dude.

01:29:50.000 I like the dude.

01:29:51.000 But yeah, I haven't...

01:29:54.000 I don't know, I'm starting to do a few new clubs now, and the sizing is different, and I just...

01:30:01.000 I like to be able to do bigger places, but I love intimate venues, man.

01:30:06.000 There's no way to get that feeling of when you're...

01:30:09.000 It's all different, man.

01:30:11.000 There's no way to get that feeling of 13,000 people either. 0.99

01:30:14.000 Except for fucking that. 0.99

01:30:15.000 Yeah, that's a different feel. 0.99

01:30:17.000 It's all different, man.

01:30:19.000 It's all different.

01:30:20.000 It's all worth it.

01:30:21.000 Yeah, I think you've got to be on a steady diet of everything.

01:30:23.000 I think it's like you don't want to be just a carnivore and only do 13,000 seat arenas.

01:30:28.000 You don't want to be just...

01:30:29.000 Who is it?

01:30:30.000 Who's your carnivore? 0.95

01:30:30.000 Who is it? 0.95

01:30:31.000 Jordan Peterson?

01:30:31.000 Is that how it is?

01:30:32.000 Yeah.

01:30:33.000 He's only one of them that I know.

01:30:34.000 I know several people that are on the carnivore diet. 1.00

01:30:37.000 I can't get in this shit because I still like bullshit. 1.00

01:30:39.000 I'm not going to not have ice cream once in a while. 1.00

01:30:42.000 I'm not going to not have a fucking couple of french fries. 0.99

01:30:44.000 I'm that guy. 0.99

01:30:45.000 I'm going to work out, but I'm also going to have and do what the fuck I want. 0.96

01:30:49.000 I just, I can't get on that train. 0.98

01:30:50.000 I suffered for a while doing a crazy diet.

01:30:53.000 What'd you do?

01:30:54.000 I did this, it's almost like circuit, like how circuit workout is.

01:31:00.000 It's like circuit dieting where it's like one week without.

01:31:03.000 Do you know what that is?

01:31:03.000 No.

01:31:04.000 Yeah, you get rid of an element that's Kind of a vice, right?

01:31:09.000 Whether it's like...

01:31:09.000 And it's got to be a heavy vice, right?

01:31:11.000 Like it's like I have high amounts of sugar in my diet.

01:31:14.000 So it's like I do a week completely without sugar.

01:31:16.000 And then I do a week without meat.

01:31:17.000 And then I did a week without...

01:31:18.000 I don't know, fish or whatever.

01:31:19.000 I kept changing what it was to find how my body reacted to it. 0.99

01:31:22.000 And I fucking hated it. 1.00

01:31:24.000 I fucking hated it. 1.00

01:31:25.000 I was like I'm a much more balanced person up here in my work, in my writing, in my exercise, in my sleep, in my fuck life when I just get to eat what I want regimentedly. 1.00

01:31:34.000 That's a fake word? 1.00

01:31:35.000 Fuck life? 1.00

01:31:40.000 Regimentedly? 1.00

01:31:40.000 That's what I thought you were asking. 1.00

01:31:42.000 Fuck life is a better question. 1.00

01:31:43.000 Fuck life is the name of my new album. 1.00

01:31:45.000 That's a good... 1.00

01:31:46.000 Now, you should get that tattooed across your stomach. 1.00

01:31:49.000 Fuck life. 1.00

01:31:51.000 I'm much better. 1.00

01:31:52.000 Why do you say fuck life? 1.00

01:31:53.000 No, no, no, no, no. 1.00

01:31:54.000 I'm into the fuck life. 1.00

01:31:54.000 Fuck life. 1.00

01:31:55.000 The fuck life. 1.00

01:31:55.000 You know. 1.00

01:31:56.000 I'm into my fuck. 1.00

01:31:57.000 I'm the pump guy. 1.00

01:31:58.000 Fuck life. 1.00

01:31:58.000 Like thug life. 1.00

01:32:01.000 Regimentally.

01:32:02.000 Regimentally.

01:32:03.000 Regimentally. 0.98

01:32:03.000 See, that sounds fucking wrong. 0.98

01:32:05.000 Yeah, it does sound weird. 0.94

01:32:06.000 Regimentally, like I'm better off when I just balance. 0.99

01:32:10.000 When I go, I don't need that shit. 1.00

01:32:11.000 I should need that bullshit. 1.00

01:32:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:32:13.000 And I poke in and out things once in a while.

01:32:16.000 I don't know, man.

01:32:17.000 I think that's the only way to live for me, for it to work. 1.00

01:32:21.000 I've tried shit. 0.99

01:32:22.000 I can't do it. 0.99

01:32:24.000 Yeah, I think people like going on diets because it gives them something to concentrate too.

01:32:28.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:32:28.000 It gives them a new thing.

01:32:29.000 I have shit going on. 0.99

01:32:30.000 I can't worry overtly all day long about like, is this meal gonna... 0.99

01:32:34.000 How am I gonna get... 1.00

01:32:35.000 Fuck that shit. 1.00

01:32:36.000 But that's one of the things that people like about it. 1.00

01:32:37.000 Like, okay, I'm on this diet now.

01:32:39.000 I gotta concentrate.

01:32:40.000 This is it.

01:32:41.000 Like meal prep.

01:32:41.000 Yeah, we're meal prepping.

01:32:43.000 I'm prepping.

01:32:44.000 Prepping all.

01:32:44.000 Prepping for the week.

01:32:45.000 I have my shows on Sunday.

01:32:47.000 Meal prep.

01:32:48.000 I am in control of my world.

01:32:49.000 No.

01:32:50.000 Asteroids hurtling towards us.

01:32:52.000 I'm in complete control of this spinning rock in space.

01:32:56.000 I have a finite lifespan. 0.99

01:32:57.000 I have to constantly eat and shit, but everything's fine. 0.99

01:33:01.000 Everything else is okay. 0.99

01:33:01.000 Yeah, everything's fine. 0.99

01:33:03.000 My buddy texted me today, by the way.

01:33:06.000 He goes, he had a concern. 0.99

01:33:07.000 I talked about him on another podcast about how he didn't shit for like five days. 0.99

01:33:12.000 Oh, I have a buddy who went through that. 0.99

01:33:13.000 And he went to the doctor and he has this thing and he had to get help for it.

01:33:16.000 He texted me.

01:33:17.000 He goes, I just want to let you know I'm back from vacation.

01:33:19.000 I feel really good. 0.97

01:33:20.000 Also, I'm shitting like normal again. 0.97

01:33:22.000 And I was like, I feel like a really proud friend. 0.96

01:33:25.000 He was really struggling.

01:33:26.000 He was nervous about it. 0.99

01:33:27.000 He was like, dude, I haven't shit in like four days. 0.99

01:33:28.000 I was like, four fucking days. 0.99

01:33:30.000 There was a guy that I worked with on Fear Factor. 0.98

01:33:32.000 I don't want to shame him, so I won't say his name.

01:33:34.000 I don't know if he wants it out there.

01:33:36.000 Great guy.

01:33:37.000 He had a real problem.

01:33:39.000 A real problem.

01:33:40.000 It was packed in there for days and days, and it wasn't coming out, and he could feel it. 0.99

01:33:44.000 Like, he could touch his butthole and feel it inside. 0.98

01:33:46.000 It was hard. 1.00

01:33:47.000 Fuck, that's so gross! 1.00

01:33:49.000 Get some fiber, dawg? 1.00

01:33:50.000 He had to go to a doctor, and they literally had to chip it out of his asshole. 1.00

01:33:54.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:33:54.000 Yeah, like, it impacted and become... 1.00

01:33:56.000 Had a shizzle in his butthole? 0.98

01:33:57.000 They had to get in there and break it up, and then they had to make him take this, like, really intense laxative. 0.99

01:34:04.000 Yeah. 0.94

01:34:05.000 So he takes this really intense laxative, like weapons-grade laxative, and they're in there chipping away at the stone wall, which is essentially just like a dam to keep all the shit juices piling up behind it. 0.93

01:34:18.000 Because he's got the impacted, dried-out shit that should have been out of his body days ago, and then he's got the fresh shit on top of that, and then on top of that he's got this chemical laxative that's just setting off explosions inside of him. 0.99

01:34:34.000 Ugh, ugh! 1.00

01:34:35.000 And the doctor's in there with a fucking hammer. 1.00

01:34:38.000 A hammer and a screwdriver just whacking at the shit rock that's at the bottom of his asshole. 1.00

01:34:43.000 And then it breaks loose and just explodes everywhere. 1.00

01:34:46.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:34:47.000 Like he gave birth to a dead seal. 1.00

01:34:49.000 Just... 1.00

01:34:50.000 And it comes flying out of his asshole. 1.00

01:34:51.000 They catch it in a bag. 1.00

01:34:52.000 Alright, we got it.

01:34:53.000 We got it.

01:34:53.000 How much weight did he lose?

01:34:55.000 I don't know, but he said it was awful.

01:34:57.000 He said it was awful. 1.00

01:34:58.000 They had to pry the shit out of his ass. 1.00

01:35:01.000 They had to break it up. 1.00

01:35:02.000 Those are the kind of pains, those downstairs pains I can't imagine.

01:35:05.000 Do people die from that?

01:35:06.000 Yes. 0.99

01:35:07.000 Not shitting? 0.99

01:35:07.000 Yes. 0.99

01:35:08.000 What's it called?

01:35:10.000 You give yourself...

01:35:11.000 Imagine that.

01:35:12.000 What's that called?

01:35:12.000 Come on, look it up.

01:35:13.000 You know what I'm talking about.

01:35:14.000 Dying from constipation.

01:35:15.000 No, but there's a word.

01:35:17.000 It's like toxic shock syndrome that women get if they leave a tampon in too long. 1.00

01:35:22.000 If you don't shit for a certain amount of time, you poison yourself. 1.00

01:35:27.000 Yeah, it starts to leak into your organs and shit. 1.00

01:35:29.000 It's something absurdly gross. 0.99

01:35:31.000 There was one of those 600-pound life or whatever those shows are. 1.00

01:35:36.000 This woman wouldn't shit. 1.00

01:35:38.000 She kept holding and holding. 1.00

01:35:39.000 On purpose?

01:35:40.000 On purpose?

01:35:40.000 Yes.

01:35:41.000 Why? 1.00

01:35:41.000 Because she couldn't move to shit. 1.00

01:35:43.000 She was so fucking big, she couldn't move to shit. 1.00

01:35:45.000 So the shit packed up inside of her body. 1.00

01:35:47.000 Yeah, and they were like, you're going to fucking die. 1.00

01:35:48.000 It's going to get in your bloodstream and kill you. 1.00

01:35:53.000 Doesn't that freak you out when you watch a show like that?

01:35:56.000 Like a...

01:35:59.000 What are those called?

01:36:00.000 Hoarders.

01:36:01.000 Like a hoarder or someone who's gaining a ton of weight.

01:36:04.000 How do you get there?

01:36:06.000 But you know that you could get there.

01:36:08.000 You couldn't get there, but you know that a person could get there.

01:36:11.000 You now, Andrew Santino, May 2019, you're not going to get there.

01:36:17.000 No, probably not.

01:36:17.000 You're fine.

01:36:18.000 But some people, they're in a bad road, and they can't turn around.

01:36:22.000 They're stuck.

01:36:23.000 Yeah, but they compile it, right?

01:36:25.000 Yes!

01:36:26.000 Because the depression feeds the hunger, feeds the depression.

01:36:29.000 Oh, yeah.

01:36:29.000 What is that?

01:36:31.000 That's shit? 1.00

01:36:32.000 Constipated man died. 1.00

01:36:33.000 Constipated man nearly died after feces-filled bowel burst. 1.00

01:36:37.000 Look how much shit there's there. 0.99

01:36:40.000 His rectum had dilated up to 18 centimeters inside his body and was filled with feces, according to the BMJ case report. 0.99

01:36:47.000 24. He's a child.

01:36:50.000 24. This isn't some 80-year-old man who just is like...

01:36:53.000 Wow.

01:36:54.000 He's autistic. 0.64

01:36:55.000 Okay, it's chronic constipation.

01:36:56.000 Oh, okay.

01:36:58.000 Wow, great.

01:36:59.000 Now we feel bad, Jamie.

01:37:00.000 Thanks, Jamie. 1.00

01:37:01.000 You son of a bitch, Jamie. 1.00

01:37:03.000 Fucking baiting us with some shit. 1.00

01:37:05.000 Still, look at that guy in Melbourne. 1.00

01:37:07.000 A guy in Melbourne almost died from constipation.

01:37:08.000 So it's a few people every year.

01:37:10.000 They had to surgically remove two liters of poop.

01:37:13.000 A Coca-Cola bottle filled with poop.

01:37:15.000 Two liters.

01:37:17.000 Two liters.

01:37:18.000 Think of a liter bottle of Coke. 1.00

01:37:20.000 Think of two of those filled with sand and stuffed up your ass. 1.00

01:37:23.000 Filled with shit in your ass. 1.00

01:37:24.000 Filled with sand. 1.00

01:37:26.000 Leading to a lack of blood flow to the leg.

01:37:29.000 It was pressing on his artery, bro.

01:37:31.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:37:32.000 His shit was choking his leg out. 1.00

01:37:38.000 That's what was happening. 1.00

01:37:39.000 His shit was just choking. 1.00

01:37:40.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:37:41.000 He was in the hospital for 23 days and took 13 days before he could walk again.

01:37:45.000 Oh my god.

01:37:46.000 Boy.

01:37:47.000 No explanation has been found yet as to explain his significant fecal loading and constipation.

01:37:54.000 Look at how they spell fecal.

01:37:56.000 F-A-E-C-A-L. Is that because they're in Australia? 1.00

01:37:59.000 Yeah, probably. 1.00

01:37:59.000 Yeah, fucking those idiots. 1.00

01:38:01.000 The guy was probably banging kangaroos or something. 1.00

01:38:05.000 He caught some disease.

01:38:06.000 Got no time.

01:38:06.000 Did you hear about those people that ate?

01:38:07.000 Got no time to poop.

01:38:08.000 I'm fecal loading.

01:38:09.000 Banging kangaroos.

01:38:10.000 I'm fecal.

01:38:10.000 I spelt with an E. Yeah.

01:38:12.000 Have you heard of that couple that they ate a raw rat heart from Mongolia and they got the Black Plague? 0.99

01:38:22.000 What?

01:38:23.000 That still exists?

01:38:23.000 Yeah, they died from the Black Plague.

01:38:25.000 These fucking crazy people. 1.00

01:38:27.000 Rat heart? 1.00

01:38:28.000 That's what it was, a liver.

01:38:29.000 They ate a raw rat liver.

01:38:32.000 And they died of the bubonic plague.

01:38:35.000 Why did they eat it?

01:38:36.000 Black plague or bubonic plague?

01:38:37.000 I think it's bubonic plague. 0.81

01:38:38.000 Black sounds like it. 1.00

01:38:38.000 Yeah, it's got to be bubonic plague. 1.00

01:38:40.000 What's the difference?

01:38:41.000 Because the bubonic plague was a bacteria, right?

01:38:44.000 Well, what's the black plague?

01:38:45.000 That was a virus, right?

01:38:47.000 Wasn't that a virus?

01:38:48.000 What are you, a doctor?

01:38:49.000 Not anymore.

01:38:50.000 I got disbarred.

01:38:53.000 Apparently, you can't keep the fecal loading samples.

01:38:56.000 When you were in college, what did you think you were going to be?

01:38:58.000 Comedian.

01:38:59.000 Really?

01:38:59.000 Yeah.

01:39:00.000 You're like, this is a waste of time.

01:39:01.000 No, it's just funny because I had...

01:39:03.000 By the way, Andrew Santino, no case on his phone. 1.00

01:39:07.000 Yeah, fuck that shit. 1.00

01:39:08.000 The Black Plague was an event during a time period in the 1300s, and the Bubonic Plague is a thing you can get. 1.00

01:39:16.000 Right.

01:39:16.000 But the Black Pig plague was a viral disease that was killing people, right?

01:39:20.000 So it's the bubonic plague that these folks got.

01:39:23.000 And they got it from eating a raw rat's heart or liver.

01:39:27.000 I think it's liver.

01:39:28.000 Look at this.

01:39:29.000 That's his kidney.

01:39:30.000 Kidney?

01:39:31.000 Oh.

01:39:31.000 That's in high school.

01:39:32.000 Why would they eat kidneys? 0.98

01:39:35.000 Is this something you wrote?

01:39:36.000 Yeah, that's in high school.

01:39:37.000 Oh my god.

01:39:41.000 That you wanted to be a comedian.

01:39:43.000 It says, I want to become a stand-up comic and to work with comedy on television.

01:39:51.000 Yeah.

01:39:51.000 I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make it.

01:39:54.000 Yeah.

01:39:55.000 That's what it says.

01:39:56.000 Yeah, I want to do anything.

01:39:57.000 I like what I'm hearing.

01:39:58.000 Whatever it takes.

01:39:59.000 Whatever it takes.

01:40:00.000 Look at what I wrote below.

01:40:01.000 I want you to wear a tracksuit with no underwear.

01:40:04.000 Uh-huh.

01:40:05.000 And meet me at the dock.

01:40:07.000 Got it.

01:40:07.000 We're going to get on my yacht and have a good time.

01:40:09.000 Let's go.

01:40:10.000 And I got a part for you to read.

01:40:11.000 Uh-huh.

01:40:12.000 My script.

01:40:13.000 Can you imagine?

01:40:14.000 Some guy takes you out on his yacht.

01:40:16.000 You're like, wow, so you really think my tape was good?

01:40:19.000 Yeah, yeah, your tape was amazing.

01:40:22.000 We're going to show you the dark.

01:40:24.000 And he brings you this script.

01:40:28.000 It tells you what's required of you.

01:40:30.000 Yeah.

01:40:31.000 And then you're out there in the middle of the water, bobbing around, staring at this guy, and he got a couple glasses of wine in you. 1.00

01:40:37.000 He's like, I'm gonna make you a star, but I need to get my dick sucked. 1.00

01:40:39.000 Okay, I get it. 1.00

01:40:40.000 Shit. 1.00

01:40:41.000 I get it. 1.00

01:40:42.000 I did write in high school anything it takes.

01:40:44.000 Now, imagine being a woman and you're in that situation. 0.99

01:40:46.000 You think you're going to be able to sweet talk that guy, right?

01:40:48.000 That's why you were flirting with him. 1.00

01:40:51.000 That's why you got close to him.

01:40:53.000 You're going to get a part.

01:40:54.000 You're going to play him.

01:40:54.000 You're going to get a part.

01:40:55.000 Next thing you know, you're on that ocean.

01:40:56.000 Well, that feels creepy.

01:40:58.000 That feels rapey.

01:40:58.000 It is rapey.

01:40:59.000 Right. 1.00

01:40:59.000 When you're a dude, you're like, fuck that guy fucked up. 1.00

01:41:03.000 Just sacrifice, man. 1.00

01:41:04.000 You've got to suck a dick for the role. 1.00

01:41:06.000 But I'm saying it's a different feeling. 1.00

01:41:07.000 Totally.

01:41:08.000 But still dangerous.

01:41:10.000 Yeah.

01:41:10.000 Because if the guy finds out that you're not willing, and then you might be hostile, and then he might be hostile back, you're two dudes.

01:41:18.000 One dude wanted to get his dick sucked by a dude, but you're both two dudes. 0.99

01:41:21.000 And it's a real hair-raising situation for both of you. 1.00

01:41:24.000 What are you doing?

01:41:25.000 For him, it's hair-raising, right? 1.00

01:41:26.000 You try to get this guy to suck your dick, and the guy said, I'll fucking kill you. 1.00

01:41:29.000 And you're like, Jesus, now I've got to drive this guy back in my boat. 1.00

01:41:32.000 It's just me and him.

01:41:33.000 A guy who said he would kill me in a 20-foot-long little boat.

01:41:37.000 Yeah, you gotta make him sit up by the bow and you just drive quietly.

01:41:40.000 What do you do?

01:41:41.000 Jump in the water.

01:41:43.000 That's where people kill people. 1.00

01:41:44.000 You know he's gonna tell people.

01:41:46.000 Yeah, totally.

01:41:47.000 That's where that kid from Iowa goes missing.

01:41:49.000 Went to Hollywood for big dreams, never came back.

01:41:52.000 Is that on the water?

01:41:53.000 Mm-hmm.

01:41:55.000 Cement shoes, my friend.

01:41:56.000 Put on these shoes.

01:41:57.000 Ka-plunk. 1.00

01:41:58.000 Yeah, I guarantee you that's happened. 1.00

01:42:00.000 I guarantee you guys try to get a guy to suck his dick and the guy tried to fight him and they fought to the death. 1.00

01:42:04.000 Are you kidding me? 1.00

01:42:06.000 I'm sure it's happening now.

01:42:09.000 There's got to be...

01:42:09.000 Right as we're speaking.

01:42:10.000 There's got to be enough... 1.00

01:42:11.000 Someone's listening to this while a gay guy is choking them to death. 0.99

01:42:15.000 Doesn't want anyone to know. 0.99

01:42:18.000 Don't go on the boat unless you really know the guy.

01:42:20.000 Don't go on the boat.

01:42:21.000 That's my message.

01:42:22.000 That's my message.

01:42:22.000 How well do you know the guy?

01:42:23.000 Men or women.

01:42:24.000 If the guy's a producer and he takes you on the boat, don't go.

01:42:27.000 Don't go on the boat.

01:42:28.000 I feel like that about any...

01:42:29.000 How well do you know the guy with the boat?

01:42:30.000 Not that well. 0.99

01:42:31.000 I'm not going on that guy's fucking boat. 0.99

01:42:32.000 I was on a show once and there was a guy who was kind of a... 0.99

01:42:36.000 He was a...

01:42:37.000 I don't want to be mean.

01:42:39.000 But he was sleazy.

01:42:40.000 He was just Hollywood. 0.99

01:42:42.000 How does that mean, calling out someone for being fucking sleazy? 1.00

01:42:44.000 He's a sleazebag. 0.99

01:42:46.000 But it's the most stereotypical version of it.

01:42:48.000 Ah, yeah.

01:42:49.000 And there was a gal who was also working on the television show, and she was young and flirtatious.

01:42:55.000 And the next thing you know, they were on his boat for the weekend, working on the script.

01:42:59.000 And they came back, and we were like, what?

01:43:02.000 What?

01:43:02.000 Like, you really just said that?

01:43:04.000 Yeah, we were working creatively.

01:43:05.000 Oh, gosh, working creatively.

01:43:07.000 Just out in the middle of the water.

01:43:08.000 The water gives me, you know...

01:43:09.000 And bikinis. 0.94

01:43:10.000 The water makes me feel a type of way.

01:43:12.000 But it's like normal stuff.

01:43:14.000 Like, that's what people did forever.

01:43:15.000 In this business, yeah.

01:43:16.000 Yeah.

01:43:17.000 It used to be.

01:43:17.000 What, Jamie?

01:43:19.000 We wanted to bring this up, because you started talking about that, and we never talked about it at all.

01:43:22.000 Oh, well, this was a different subject, but yeah.

01:43:24.000 I know, but it's sort of related.

01:43:25.000 I'll save it.

01:43:26.000 This is Ed Buck.

01:43:28.000 Do you know who that guy is?

01:43:29.000 Wait, no.

01:43:30.000 He's like this democratic, he's a donor.

01:43:33.000 Oh, right, oh, we talked, you and I talked about this.

01:43:35.000 Yes.

01:43:36.000 Right, and there were two dudes.

01:43:37.000 And two dudes have been found dead there.

01:43:39.000 From drug overdoses.

01:43:41.000 So they come over and one guy said that...

01:43:45.000 What did he say?

01:43:46.000 I don't know what they've said, but I think what they said...

01:43:50.000 He makes them do drugs?

01:43:50.000 Or he's taking them in while they're already super high and he's helping them out or something like that.

01:43:55.000 Oh, and they die.

01:43:55.000 And they end up dying.

01:43:57.000 What?

01:43:57.000 While they're there.

01:43:58.000 And he's claiming that he's helping two people?

01:44:00.000 Yeah, I think that's what his...

01:44:02.000 Coincidence?

01:44:03.000 Maybe he's telling the truth.

01:44:04.000 Maybe he goes out there and finds really high people and then takes them home.

01:44:08.000 He's trying to save people in the middle of the night.

01:44:09.000 What are you, cynical bro?

01:44:10.000 Yeah dude.

01:44:11.000 What do you think is happening?

01:44:12.000 You want me to take a wild guess?

01:44:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:44:14.000 I bet he goes out looking for people that are real fucked up to get back to his apartment to get some fucking dick. 1.00

01:44:18.000 What? 1.00

01:44:19.000 Yeah.

01:44:19.000 No way.

01:44:20.000 And then...

01:44:21.000 That's not any...

01:44:22.000 That's...

01:44:22.000 And then they say, do you have any more drugs?

01:44:24.000 And he goes, you bet I got more fucking drugs. 1.00

01:44:26.000 They do more drugs together. 1.00

01:44:27.000 And they die.

01:44:28.000 And he dies.

01:44:29.000 And he stays alive.

01:44:30.000 Whoa.

01:44:31.000 Mm-hmm.

01:44:32.000 You sure?

01:44:32.000 Case closed, Your Honor.

01:44:33.000 Are you a detective? 1.00

01:44:35.000 I rest my fucking case. 1.00

01:44:36.000 Is that the gentleman? 1.00

01:44:36.000 That's Mr. Buck. 1.00

01:44:37.000 Okay.

01:44:38.000 Well, it looks like a fine man.

01:44:40.000 Yeah, he looks like he doesn't do anything.

01:44:42.000 Look, he's got a nice gold tooth shining in the back of his mouth.

01:44:46.000 Like, what's his name?

01:44:46.000 The Wet Bandits from Home Alone?

01:44:49.000 Investigators found multiple sex toys, multiple syringes, and clear plastic bags with suspected methamphetamine in a toolbox roll cabinet in the living room.

01:45:00.000 Mm-hmm.

01:45:01.000 He's got a toolbox filled with syringes and sex toys. 0.99

01:45:04.000 Let's go to work!

01:45:06.000 Clear plastic bags with meth.

01:45:09.000 Moore has been homeless and had worked as a mess for it.

01:45:11.000 I like how it says bags.

01:45:14.000 Clear plastic bags.

01:45:16.000 Like, more than one.

01:45:17.000 He's got bags of speed.

01:45:20.000 He'd been homeless and had worked as an escort.

01:45:22.000 Yeah.

01:45:23.000 He was on that Gigolo show, season four.

01:45:26.000 He was one of the main guys.

01:45:27.000 Yeah, he's the guy.

01:45:28.000 I've become addicted to drugs and the worst thing.

01:45:30.000 Ed Buck is the one to thank.

01:45:31.000 He gave me my first injection of crystal meth.

01:45:34.000 Wow.

01:45:34.000 I've become addicted to drugs and the worst one at that.

01:45:38.000 Well, I don't know if that's true, but it's a crazy story.

01:45:42.000 What we do know is true is two people died over there. 0.99

01:45:45.000 That's fucking insane. 0.99

01:45:51.000 There's different standards, right? 0.99

01:45:52.000 Here's the thing.

01:45:54.000 If that guy...

01:45:55.000 If he was a heterosexual guy and two women had died at his house.

01:46:01.000 Prison for life.

01:46:02.000 What are the odds that they wouldn't arrest him?

01:46:06.000 Zero. 1.00

01:46:07.000 If one woman is found dead in your fucking apartment. 1.00

01:46:11.000 Yeah, if you go pick up hookers and shoot them up with meth, you go to jail. 1.00

01:46:15.000 You go to prison.

01:46:16.000 But if you pick up male hookers, it's like what we were talking about earlier. 0.98

01:46:19.000 If it's a guy like, ah, you're a Russian model, you came over here, it didn't work, bro. 1.00

01:46:23.000 Fuck the old ladies. 1.00

01:46:25.000 Come on. 1.00

01:46:26.000 It's true.

01:46:27.000 These guys, two guys are dead. 1.00

01:46:29.000 And everybody's like, hey, you know, that's the fucking game they're playing. 1.00

01:46:33.000 They're playing that shoot the meth game. 1.00

01:46:35.000 Once you shoot, it's on you.

01:46:36.000 He's only killed two guys. 1.00

01:46:38.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:46:39.000 That's kind of like the, what is it, the staircase. 1.00

01:46:41.000 You know that documentary where like two of his wives died falling downstairs?

01:46:45.000 Oh yeah, that's right.

01:46:46.000 People are like...

01:46:47.000 What? 0.99

01:46:48.000 You still don't fucking know? 0.99

01:46:50.000 You think two women coincidentally... 0.99

01:46:52.000 Imagine if they did.

01:46:53.000 They're your favorite people ever and they just kept falling.

01:46:56.000 Literally impossible.

01:46:57.000 What if you're a rock climber?

01:46:58.000 It was in his kitchen. 1.00

01:47:01.000 It's in his fucking kitchen. 1.00

01:47:03.000 Didn't he try to say like an owl did it? 1.00

01:47:05.000 What's his...

01:47:06.000 An owl?

01:47:06.000 He said an owl.

01:47:07.000 Dude, he had so... 1.00

01:47:08.000 It's a fucking owl! 1.00

01:47:10.000 With demon eyes! 1.00

01:47:11.000 He said a bird flew in and scared her.

01:47:14.000 And flew out of the home. 0.99

01:47:15.000 Because there was no fucking bird, by the way. 0.99

01:47:17.000 But he said a bird flew in, scared her, and she fell down the stairs. 0.99

01:47:20.000 Backwards, by the way.

01:47:21.000 You know how hard it is to fall down the stairs?

01:47:24.000 Backwards when you're already at the top of a stair.

01:47:26.000 Nobody falls backwards when they're walking upstairs. 0.97

01:47:28.000 You gotta get kicked, Sparta style. 0.98

01:47:30.000 Someone has to hit you down the stairs. 0.99

01:47:31.000 That's exactly what it is.

01:47:32.000 The lawyer was like, somebody pushed you down the stairs.

01:47:35.000 That's the only way that happens.

01:47:36.000 Sparta.

01:47:37.000 Sparta? 1.00

01:47:38.000 Fuck you, wife. 1.00

01:47:39.000 Imagine if they did an autopsy and they see the footprint. 1.00

01:47:42.000 Right in the middle of her chest.

01:47:44.000 Well, they said the blood splatter was like so obviously consistent with someone that was like thrown downstairs.

01:47:49.000 Yeah.

01:47:50.000 Jesus Christ.

01:47:51.000 Well, the owl got her, bro.

01:47:53.000 And these owls are doing that.

01:47:54.000 That is the thing that happens often.

01:47:55.000 They fly into your home. 1.00

01:47:57.000 They fuck shit up. 1.00

01:47:58.000 They're not good guests. 1.00

01:47:59.000 They're not nice people. 1.00

01:48:00.000 Little assholes. 1.00

01:48:01.000 Yeah, they really are. 1.00

01:48:02.000 Truly not nice birds.

01:48:03.000 They're such a cool animal.

01:48:05.000 Yeah, they are.

01:48:05.000 They're a weird animal that we, like, think of them as these wise, old creatures.

01:48:10.000 Like, we have, like, an anthropomorphic version of an owl that's really smart.

01:48:16.000 Like, an owl is like, hmm, let's read our books and find out what's going on in the world.

01:48:21.000 The Tootsie Pop owl, you know?

01:48:22.000 Yeah.

01:48:22.000 How many licks does it take?

01:48:23.000 That was like, he wore glasses.

01:48:25.000 Yeah.

01:48:26.000 That must be what it is.

01:48:27.000 But the wise old owl is like an adage, right?

01:48:30.000 Yeah, why is it though?

01:48:31.000 I don't know, man. 1.00

01:48:32.000 Because they're fucking ruthless. 1.00

01:48:33.000 What they are is just cunts that swoop down and kill rabbits. 1.00

01:48:37.000 They fuck rabbits up, man. 1.00

01:48:39.000 Their wingspans are fucking incredible. 1.00

01:48:40.000 When you see them take off, take flight, and come snag something, it's wild to see. 0.97

01:48:44.000 I was driving home once and one was flying over my head.

01:48:46.000 And I guess it didn't like how low it was as to where my car was on the road.

01:48:53.000 Like it had picked a path.

01:48:54.000 Probably not.

01:48:56.000 In its head, understanding that cars go down this road.

01:48:59.000 Right.

01:48:59.000 It was flying, right?

01:49:00.000 Right.

01:49:01.000 And the car was just too close, so it just dropped the rabbit and went to get it later. 1.00

01:49:06.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:49:06.000 And I pulled over, because I was like, what the fuck was that? 1.00

01:49:08.000 Because it was big. 0.99

01:49:09.000 Like, whatever it dropped was a fairly large creature.

01:49:12.000 And I went over, and there's a rabbit that was just gutted.

01:49:15.000 Because the first thing they eat is the guts.

01:49:17.000 Right.

01:49:17.000 So they just torn the guts out of this rabbit.

01:49:20.000 They pick it apart, and then they take the rest home with them?

01:49:23.000 They swoop down.

01:49:24.000 Have you ever seen an owl's claws?

01:49:26.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:49:26.000 They're fucking nasty, man. 1.00

01:49:27.000 Yeah, they're huge. 1.00

01:49:28.000 Giant-ass claws.

01:49:29.000 The coolest video... 0.96

01:49:31.000 Look at that thing. 1.00

01:49:32.000 Look at the claws in that fucker. 1.00

01:49:33.000 They're badass, dude. 1.00

01:49:34.000 Oh, my God.

01:49:35.000 It's an amazing, amazing predator.

01:49:37.000 The first picture looks like him saying, don't take a picture. 1.00

01:49:39.000 And then the second one, he's like, why did you take the fucking... 0.98

01:49:42.000 I told you not to take the picture. 0.99

01:49:44.000 It's like mad at you.

01:49:45.000 And she's picking it up.

01:49:47.000 Look at the eyes in that thing, man.

01:49:49.000 I mean, it has a demonic face. 0.85

01:49:52.000 Beautiful predator, man.

01:49:54.000 It's an incredible animal.

01:49:56.000 Look at that one.

01:49:57.000 There's an amazing video online of one killing a hawk.

01:50:01.000 It kills a hawk in its nest.

01:50:04.000 It swoops down in the night.

01:50:06.000 They got a trail camera photo.

01:50:08.000 They had these hawks that were in this nest, and these wildlife biologists were filming it.

01:50:13.000 And this owl comes in, watch this, and just snatches the hawk right from the nest.

01:50:20.000 Watch this.

01:50:21.000 Here it comes in the distance.

01:50:22.000 You'll see its little eyes any second now. 1.00

01:50:24.000 It's crazy shit, dude. 1.00

01:50:26.000 Watch it. 1.00

01:50:26.000 It's a little baby hawk, huh? 1.00

01:50:28.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:50:29.000 A little baby.

01:50:30.000 Look at that. 1.00

01:50:30.000 Watch this motherfucker come in. 1.00

01:50:31.000 Look at this. 1.00

01:50:32.000 Look at this. 1.00

01:50:32.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:50:33.000 Bitch! 1.00

01:50:34.000 Whoa! 1.00

01:50:36.000 Fuck! 1.00

01:50:37.000 That's a wrap, son. 1.00

01:50:38.000 Just snatched it.

01:50:40.000 Look at the mom. 1.00

01:50:40.000 It's like, what happened? 1.00

01:50:41.000 I don't even know if that's the mom.

01:50:42.000 That might also be another baby.

01:50:44.000 It's pretty big, though.

01:50:45.000 Yeah, it's hard to tell.

01:50:46.000 It's hard to tell because we don't have a perspective, but look at this.

01:50:48.000 Look how it snatches it.

01:50:50.000 Bang! 1.00

01:50:51.000 Just two hands.

01:50:53.000 Look at all the feathers that fly off.

01:50:54.000 Two hands. 1.00

01:50:55.000 Goddamn. 1.00

01:50:56.000 Grabbing a hold. 0.99

01:50:58.000 I don't know why that freaks me out so much now.

01:51:00.000 That freaks me the fuck out.

01:51:01.000 Bird on bird violence is weird. 0.88

01:51:03.000 It's crazy, dude.

01:51:04.000 It is.

01:51:05.000 Bird lives matter, man.

01:51:06.000 But it's bird on bird violence is strange.

01:51:08.000 It is.

01:51:08.000 It's almost like a cannibalism.

01:51:10.000 It happens so often.

01:51:12.000 Yeah, why?

01:51:13.000 Birds jack birds. 0.99

01:51:14.000 Because they don't give a fuck. 0.99

01:51:15.000 Doesn't matter. 1.00

01:51:16.000 They don't give a fuck. 0.99

01:51:16.000 But do you think that's a last resort, kind of? 0.99

01:51:18.000 They don't really want to eat other birds, right?

01:51:20.000 Bro, everybody eats birds.

01:51:21.000 The next picture you gave me.

01:51:22.000 Even birds.

01:51:23.000 That's a bird swallowing a chick.

01:51:25.000 Yeah.

01:51:26.000 Look at it bucking in his throat. 1.00

01:51:29.000 What a twat. 1.00

01:51:32.000 That's a fucking whole duck. 1.00

01:51:34.000 That's huge. 1.00

01:51:35.000 Yeah.

01:51:36.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

01:51:37.000 That is huge.

01:51:39.000 Well, it's a chick. 0.70

01:51:40.000 It's not a fully grown duck.

01:51:43.000 It's big.

01:51:44.000 It's big enough that it's crazy that that thing swallows it. 0.98

01:51:47.000 You know one of the really fucked up ones that I saw recently? 0.99

01:51:51.000 I saw a toad eat a rat. 0.99

01:51:53.000 Or a mouse.

01:51:54.000 A toad eat a mouse.

01:51:55.000 It's either a frog or a toad. 0.66

01:51:57.000 I don't know what it was, but a big ass green frog looking type creature. 0.85

01:52:01.000 Swallowed a mouse whole. 0.85

01:52:03.000 Watch this.

01:52:03.000 This is it.

01:52:04.000 This is crazy, dude.

01:52:05.000 Oh, this is not it.

01:52:07.000 This is not it.

01:52:08.000 Because this one's hidden.

01:52:09.000 There's one that's not hidden.

01:52:12.000 This is one where you can see it in a little glass container. 0.97

01:52:17.000 Damn, I wish I could find it. 0.97

01:52:20.000 Because it's a really good one. 0.98

01:52:22.000 It's from a top-down view.

01:52:25.000 That's pretty good.

01:52:26.000 Watch this.

01:52:27.000 I didn't think that frogs ate mice, man.

01:52:29.000 I used to think that frogs were like, oh, you know, they just get bugs out of the air.

01:52:33.000 Watch, he's just waiting.

01:52:34.000 Not yet.

01:52:35.000 Not yet.

01:52:35.000 I want to make sure I get him.

01:52:36.000 I want to make sure I get him.

01:52:38.000 Sniff around.

01:52:38.000 Oh, yeah, you're playing in my little...

01:52:39.000 Little baby move.

01:52:41.000 Little baby move.

01:52:41.000 I'm on you.

01:52:43.000 And...

01:52:43.000 As soon as I decide, you're lined up.

01:52:48.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:52:48.000 Look at that. 1.00

01:52:50.000 Head first. 0.97

01:52:51.000 Look at it stuffing it in there with his greedy little fingers. 0.95

01:52:55.000 Nah. 0.94

01:52:56.000 Nah.

01:52:57.000 I mean, think about what a...

01:52:58.000 Look at the mouse trying to get out!

01:52:59.000 The mouse is trying to get out!

01:53:01.000 Because they don't have teeth, right?

01:53:02.000 They just got to swallow that thing.

01:53:03.000 It's trying to get out.

01:53:04.000 Its head is out, man. 1.00

01:53:05.000 Look, it's eating it asshole first. 1.00

01:53:08.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:53:09.000 The mouse is like, let me just, let me, excuse me.

01:53:12.000 But I guess that makes sense. 0.75

01:53:13.000 Eat the butthole first because that's the worst taste. 1.00

01:53:14.000 So eat the butthole first. 1.00

01:53:15.000 Get the bad taste out of the mouth. 0.98

01:53:16.000 I don't think that's how they're thinking.

01:53:17.000 That's just where it was.

01:53:18.000 I think it would have eaten it head first, too.

01:53:20.000 But look at it.

01:53:21.000 It's just blinking, slowly swallowing the mouse.

01:53:24.000 Imagine you being able to eat a dog.

01:53:26.000 That's what that's like.

01:53:28.000 The size difference?

01:53:29.000 That's like you eating a German Shepherd.

01:53:30.000 Picking up a German Shepherd. 0.93

01:53:31.000 Stuffing it in your face. 0.98

01:53:33.000 Dislocating my jaw, putting it in. 0.99

01:53:34.000 How big is a frog's mouth?

01:53:36.000 That's crazy.

01:53:37.000 When you see those things that can dislocate their jaws, I think that's incredible. 0.98

01:53:40.000 Animals that can fucking unhinge their jaw. 1.00

01:53:42.000 Snakes that eat deer and shit. 1.00

01:53:44.000 These are found again. 0.99

01:53:45.000 Yeah, they found them in California again off the coast.

01:53:47.000 After they haven't been here for 30 years.

01:53:49.000 They just started showing up again off San Francisco or Ventura or whatever. 0.99

01:53:52.000 What the fuck are those? 0.99

01:53:53.000 They swim through like little schools of fish and they just swallow them up. 1.00

01:53:57.000 Yeah, I've seen that.

01:53:57.000 It's a basking shark.

01:53:59.000 Giant mouth.

01:53:59.000 Yeah, wild looking thing.

01:54:01.000 Just like a funnel for the ocean.

01:54:03.000 How many bottle caps do those things swallow? 1.00

01:54:05.000 Yeah, you want to talk about plastic straws if they get 30 feet long. 1.00

01:54:09.000 Imagine what kind of shit impacted like six-pack tops are in their assholes. 1.00

01:54:17.000 Ugh! 1.00

01:54:17.000 So many little cans of Miller Lite. 1.00

01:54:19.000 Blood streaming out of their asshole and their shit. 1.00

01:54:23.000 Those things gotta be able to handle anything. 1.00

01:54:25.000 After all these years, they've swallowed so much bullshit. 1.00

01:54:27.000 Yeah, boots and fucking license plates and shit. 1.00

01:54:30.000 Old boat parts. 1.00

01:54:32.000 Bones. 1.00

01:54:33.000 Yeah, all that shit. 1.00

01:54:35.000 Creepy shit from the bottom of the fucking ocean. 1.00

01:54:37.000 Sperm whale found dead with 13 pounds of plastic in its stomach. 1.00

01:54:40.000 Holy shit, man. 1.00

01:54:42.000 13 pounds? 0.99

01:54:43.000 We're so gross. 0.93

01:54:44.000 Wow. 0.70

01:54:44.000 So there was a guy named... 0.70

01:54:46.000 Look at that.

01:54:46.000 Do you see that?

01:54:47.000 What does this mean?

01:54:47.000 Flip flops and 115 drinking cups.

01:54:50.000 They can't say red solo cups, but that's what that is.

01:54:52.000 People out there partying.

01:54:53.000 Partying, dude.

01:54:54.000 Out there on that boat.

01:54:54.000 And them sperm whales.

01:54:55.000 Wow.

01:54:56.000 Wow. 1.00

01:54:56.000 Damn. 1.00

01:54:57.000 That's fucked up, man. 1.00

01:54:58.000 Flip-flops. 1.00

01:54:59.000 I've probably had one of those flip-flops.

01:55:00.000 I've lost so many pairs.

01:55:01.000 One of mine is in the sperm whale.

01:55:02.000 Did you see the video of that beluga whale returning the girl's cell phone?

01:55:06.000 What?

01:55:07.000 You did?

01:55:08.000 Okay. 0.99

01:55:08.000 Yeah, it's fucking crazy. 0.99

01:55:09.000 If they set this up, it would have been an amazing setup, but I'll show you the video. 0.98

01:55:13.000 Whoa.

01:55:14.000 Returning a girl's self.

01:55:15.000 Here you go.

01:55:16.000 The whale understands objects are important to you?

01:55:19.000 And those iPhones are expensive.

01:55:21.000 I don't know how far it got dropped down in the water, but here, I'll pull it up here.

01:55:24.000 So going all over Instagram and Twitter, you can easily find the video.

01:55:27.000 Is that real?

01:55:27.000 I mean, it's coming from the depths of the water.

01:55:30.000 So, like, I don't know how the fuck you could make this and fake it. 1.00

01:55:32.000 Oh my fucking God. 0.99

01:55:34.000 Holding on to her phone, and it brings it up. 1.00

01:55:38.000 I don't know how you would fake that.

01:55:40.000 Oh my god.

01:55:41.000 They don't look like trainers.

01:55:43.000 It doesn't look like it's in the water.

01:55:45.000 It says it's the one that was captured last week.

01:55:48.000 I don't know if that part is true.

01:55:49.000 The same one?

01:55:50.000 That's the part I think is fake about it.

01:55:52.000 Oh, how do they know?

01:55:53.000 How would they know it's the same one?

01:55:54.000 They're the ones that have it.

01:55:56.000 I think.

01:55:57.000 That's how I initially saw the story.

01:55:59.000 And I don't believe that part so much.

01:56:01.000 They're tagged and tracked.

01:56:02.000 Remember the white whale that we posted about last week?

01:56:05.000 Well, it stuck around.

01:56:05.000 He's been staying at Hammerfest.

01:56:07.000 Well, maybe it's a different one.

01:56:10.000 Maybe it's a whale that they saw, not the one that was captured with the harness.

01:56:13.000 I think that's what's wrong.

01:56:15.000 Well, what did they post about last week?

01:56:18.000 That's the one.

01:56:19.000 This is where that story came from in Norway.

01:56:21.000 So it is the same story.

01:56:24.000 Yeah, it's trained.

01:56:26.000 It's a trained whale.

01:56:27.000 Maybe you wanted food, man.

01:56:29.000 Yeah, I thought I was going to get something. 1.00

01:56:30.000 Pick it up with fish, bitch. 1.00

01:56:31.000 Isn't that so funny? 1.00

01:56:31.000 Get back out there. 1.00

01:56:32.000 Here's your phone.

01:56:32.000 She's like, thank you.

01:56:33.000 He's like, no, bitch. 1.00

01:56:34.000 Fucking feed me. 1.00

01:56:35.000 Yeah, just like the monkeys, man. 1.00

01:56:36.000 Give up the food, you bitch. 1.00

01:56:39.000 I've come and steal from you. 1.00

01:56:40.000 I'm stealing.

01:56:41.000 Oh, that was the other thing, man.

01:56:42.000 We got margaritas, and we left like a pitcher of margaritas out, and they dumped the pitcher over and drank the margaritas.

01:56:49.000 Hell yeah.

01:56:49.000 They like to party.

01:56:50.000 So the monkeys were probably partying on our porch.

01:56:53.000 Mm-hmm.

01:56:54.000 Don't leave margaritas out, dude.

01:56:56.000 I wonder if they get hammered.

01:56:58.000 They get wasted.

01:56:58.000 They must get so hammered.

01:56:59.000 Like a pitcher of margaritas.

01:57:00.000 I don't know how much they lapped up after it spilled.

01:57:03.000 But I imagine they probably just drank every drop.

01:57:05.000 There was nothing left.

01:57:07.000 They knocked over the pitcher.

01:57:09.000 And some of it must have stayed in the pitcher.

01:57:10.000 And they were like, this is what we want.

01:57:12.000 And they started drinking it.

01:57:13.000 And they knock on your door like, you have salt. 0.99

01:57:14.000 You guys didn't leave any fucking salt out. 0.99

01:57:16.000 Look at that. 1.00

01:57:16.000 He's drinking. 1.00

01:57:17.000 Yeah, he's boozed out.

01:57:18.000 They drink booze.

01:57:19.000 This is crazy. 0.97

01:57:20.000 Drunk monkeys. 0.86

01:57:21.000 Coca-Cola. 0.53

01:57:22.000 They love Coca-Cola.

01:57:23.000 Oh, yeah.

01:57:23.000 Look at them.

01:57:25.000 He doesn't know how to drink, though.

01:57:26.000 Anything with sugar. 1.00

01:57:27.000 They love sugar shit. 1.00

01:57:28.000 Stupid fuck. 1.00

01:57:29.000 Oh, he's hammered. 1.00

01:57:30.000 Look at them.

01:57:30.000 Oh, they're drunk.

01:57:31.000 Oh, my God.

01:57:32.000 There's videos of drunk monkeys. 1.00

01:57:33.000 They're fucked up. 1.00

01:57:34.000 Look at them. 1.00

01:57:35.000 They can't even wrestle.

01:57:36.000 They just fall down.

01:57:38.000 That's hilarious.

01:57:40.000 Oh, the people who spill it off over drinks and they're licking it off tables.

01:57:44.000 If I had a monkey, I'd get them drunk every day. 1.00

01:57:47.000 Me and that monkey would just party. 0.99

01:57:48.000 If everything goes totally south with me, you're going to find me on Key West, living like those psycho white people, just drinking with monkeys. 0.99

01:57:55.000 You're going to be McAfee? 1.00

01:57:56.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:57:56.000 You'll be the next McAfee.

01:57:57.000 Just like that, but I'll stay in America. 1.00

01:57:58.000 Make girls poop in your mouth for you. 1.00

01:58:00.000 I don't think he does that, bro, and you should stop saying that. 0.99

01:58:02.000 He did.

01:58:02.000 Key West is the furthest you can get and still be in America.

01:58:08.000 Is it really?

01:58:08.000 Other than Alaska.

01:58:10.000 The most ridiculous thing to call out America. 0.97

01:58:12.000 Yeah, it's not. 0.97

01:58:12.000 It's not even connected to Florida. 0.97

01:58:14.000 No.

01:58:14.000 And those people that live down there, they might as well be expats living on an island somewhere.

01:58:17.000 That's what it is, right?

01:58:18.000 There's a hurricane there every 13 days.

01:58:20.000 They just get wiped out.

01:58:22.000 Southernmost point.

01:58:23.000 Yeah.

01:58:23.000 Southernmost point.

01:58:24.000 Yeah, but it's not just that.

01:58:26.000 They're the keys.

01:58:27.000 They're islands.

01:58:27.000 Yeah, the keys.

01:58:28.000 You have to drive over land.

01:58:29.000 They're not really America. 0.90

01:58:31.000 No, it's its own little thing.

01:58:32.000 It's like Puerto Rico.

01:58:33.000 Well, the U.S. Virgin Islands. 1.00

01:58:34.000 Yeah, get the fuck out of here. 0.98

01:58:35.000 How do we own Guam? 0.98

01:58:36.000 Yeah, how?

01:58:37.000 What's that?

01:58:37.000 What is that to us?

01:58:38.000 That's way over there.

01:58:39.000 Yeah.

01:58:39.000 That's way away from Hawaii.

01:58:41.000 It takes forever to get there.

01:58:42.000 How do we get there? 0.96

01:58:43.000 That's fucking far. 0.97

01:58:44.000 Hawaii's five hours by jet. 0.98

01:58:47.000 Jet.

01:58:47.000 Yeah.

01:58:48.000 Over just water.

01:58:49.000 No, no, no, no.

01:58:50.000 This is America.

01:58:51.000 It's us, baby.

01:58:52.000 This is America.

01:58:52.000 Little plot of land.

01:58:53.000 I like that we protect Hawaii, but I think Hawaii is its own fucking thing. 0.99

01:58:57.000 Well, it is. 0.99

01:58:57.000 We should let those people run their own country. 0.99

01:58:59.000 And you know what would happen immediately?

01:59:01.000 Mushrooms would be legal.

01:59:02.000 It would be the place to party.

01:59:03.000 They voted this week.

01:59:04.000 A bunch of places voted.

01:59:05.000 Denver tried.

01:59:06.000 Yeah, Denver didn't make it, though.

01:59:08.000 47%, I think, said yes.

01:59:09.000 Those old ranchers.

01:59:10.000 Those old ranchers came out of the mountains.

01:59:11.000 Old farmers.

01:59:12.000 Actually, dude, on the way here, I saw hilarious, on the back of a truck window, had a big thing that says, what's going on?

01:59:20.000 And it had a pot leaf, and it said legal, and then it had a hose watering a lawn, and it said illegal.

01:59:27.000 What's going on?

01:59:29.000 Oh my god, look into it.

01:59:30.000 That's what he's saying, dude.

01:59:31.000 What's going on? 1.00

01:59:32.000 He's a dumbass. 1.00

01:59:33.000 It's called a drought, you fuck. 1.00

01:59:34.000 What's going on? 1.00

01:59:35.000 You can grow pot, but I can't water my lawn. 1.00

01:59:38.000 We're conserving water, you fuckhead. 1.00

01:59:39.000 Fuck you, pothead. 1.00

01:59:40.000 Pot is plants. 1.00

01:59:41.000 Fuck you, pothead. 1.00

01:59:42.000 Hey, easy. 1.00

01:59:43.000 Did you hear about the guy in Florida that got arrested because he would not take I eat ass off the back of his window? 0.97

01:59:48.000 We're talking about that. 1.00

01:59:49.000 I eat ass. 1.00

01:59:50.000 It said on the back of his window, he said it is his First Amendment right to let everyone know that he eats ass. 1.00

01:59:57.000 It is. 1.00

01:59:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:59:58.000 But that's a funny thing.

01:59:59.000 Imagine if that's your boy.

02:00:00.000 You have his little baby. 1.00

02:00:01.000 You suck it on your nipple. 1.00

02:00:03.000 You're like, my cute little boy. 1.00

02:00:04.000 He's adorable.

02:00:05.000 Oh, my little Billy wants to play baseball, but he doesn't like getting up early, and he misses a lot of practice.

02:00:10.000 He got cut from the team, and now he's kind of depressed, and he just plays Madden all day. 1.00

02:00:13.000 And in one day, Billy's got a pickup truck, and Billy's pickup truck says, I eat ass. 1.00

02:00:18.000 That's right, Mom. 1.00

02:00:19.000 And you come home, and he's still living at your house because he's a fucking loser. 1.00

02:00:22.000 And you come home, and you see little Billy with his I eat ass on... 1.00

02:00:26.000 Do you really need to have that on your truck in my driveway? 0.99

02:00:29.000 Yeah, I do.

02:00:29.000 Yeah, I do, Ma.

02:00:31.000 That's how I get my ass to eat. 1.00

02:00:33.000 A lot of guys don't eat ass, but I do, so I let everybody know. 1.00

02:00:37.000 I eat ass. 1.00

02:00:39.000 I do, I do, I do. 1.00

02:00:41.000 And your dad is like, I still support him and I love him very much. 1.00

02:00:43.000 I also eat ass. 1.00

02:00:44.000 Imagine if you're with your mom and you're driving on the highway and you're stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic with I eat ass in front of you for an hour. 1.00

02:00:52.000 We'd laugh. 0.99

02:00:52.000 My mom would laugh. 0.99

02:00:53.000 My mom would get mad at me for staying in the same lane. 0.99

02:00:55.000 She would go, Joe, just change. 1.00

02:00:57.000 You're in this lane because you think it's funny that I have to look at I eat ass. 1.00

02:01:00.000 I didn't say that, Mom. 0.99

02:01:02.000 I did not say that.

02:01:03.000 It is funny, though.

02:01:04.000 You think it's funny.

02:01:05.000 It is very funny.

02:01:06.000 You think it's funny.

02:01:07.000 Here's my story about that guy.

02:01:08.000 I think it was more positive than that. 1.00

02:01:11.000 I think he wanted to let people know that he eats ass because he's got this... 0.99

02:01:16.000 I don't know if you know him, but we know him. 0.99

02:01:18.000 I know him very well.

02:01:19.000 Jamie and I know him very well.

02:01:20.000 But half of his tongue was bit off by a dog when he was young. 1.00

02:01:24.000 So he knows how to eat ass? 1.00

02:01:25.000 So he knows how to eat ass. 1.00

02:01:26.000 He's got a rough bump at the end of it? 1.00

02:01:29.000 Yeah, he knows how to flick it around. 1.00

02:01:31.000 He's good at eating ass. 1.00

02:01:32.000 But I think people for years were like, you can't eat ass anymore, Mike! 1.00

02:01:35.000 And he was like, fuck you guys, man. 1.00

02:01:37.000 What are you trying to say, Jamie? 1.00

02:01:38.000 Another Florida man's story, eating ass. 1.00

02:01:40.000 Man arrested after caught eating ass inside Toys R Us store. 1.00

02:01:43.000 That's why they closed down. 0.98

02:01:45.000 That's why they're not in business.

02:01:46.000 That's a bold move.

02:01:47.000 Little kids in there.

02:01:48.000 Oh, I know what I saw.

02:01:50.000 It's around here somewhere.

02:01:52.000 It's a thing.

02:01:53.000 The game is there's a monkey on the cover and he's got a hammer.

02:01:57.000 He's trying to whack the moles and... 1.00

02:01:59.000 This guy's eating this girl's poop! 1.00

02:02:02.000 This guy's eating girl's poop! 0.99

02:02:05.000 Mommy! 1.00

02:02:06.000 Can you imagine if you saw a dude eating an asshole? 1.00

02:02:09.000 Underwear. 1.00

02:02:10.000 In the middle of Toys R Us.

02:02:12.000 You're walking around with your kid, going, what should we get?

02:02:14.000 Should we get a wiffle ball bat?

02:02:16.000 You want to play wiffle ball?

02:02:17.000 Yeah.

02:02:17.000 Yeah, wiffle ball will be fun.

02:02:19.000 Yeah.

02:02:19.000 And you turn the corner.

02:02:22.000 And then the girl turns, she goes, get out of here. 1.00

02:02:25.000 I fell down a rabbit hole with this one. 1.00

02:02:27.000 With ass eating? 1.00

02:02:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:02:28.000 Man who ripped out girlfriend's intestines for yelling her husband's name during sex gets life in prison. 1.00

02:02:34.000 Makes perfect sense.

02:02:35.000 What?

02:02:36.000 Man who ripped out his girlfriend's intestines for yelling...

02:02:39.000 At that point, I get mad.

02:02:41.000 Fidel Lopez told investigators.

02:02:42.000 I get really, really mad.

02:02:44.000 He ripped out her intestine for yelling out her husband's name.

02:02:49.000 Boy, that's a complicated story.

02:02:51.000 Also in Florida. 1.00

02:02:52.000 Oh, no shit. 1.00

02:02:53.000 She called me the name of the other fucking guy he told investigators after September 2015 murder. 1.00

02:03:00.000 She said it twice, and she was wrong, and she was confusing me with him. 0.99

02:03:04.000 At that point, I'd get mad.

02:03:05.000 I'd get really, really mad.

02:03:06.000 Oh, Jesus Christ. 0.99

02:03:07.000 As the 31-year-old lay stricken, he shoved objects into Miss Nemeth's vagina and anus, including a beer bottle, a hair iron, even his fist. 0.99

02:03:13.000 Okay. 0.99

02:03:14.000 This is not... 1.00

02:03:15.000 This guy's a psycho. 0.98

02:03:16.000 This is not something I needed to see. 1.00

02:03:17.000 What a piece of shit. 1.00

02:03:18.000 Jamie. 1.00

02:03:19.000 Jesus, Jamie.

02:03:20.000 Why are you reading about this?

02:03:21.000 Is something wrong with you?

02:03:22.000 Where do you find that stuff, Jamie?

02:03:23.000 Why do you go looking for it?

02:03:24.000 Is it on your saved front pages?

02:03:26.000 What does Google try to sell you?

02:03:28.000 This is the images of I Eat Ass Florida Man, and I just started scrolling down. 0.99

02:03:32.000 Okay, we go to Jamie's Google Ads, and it's all duct tape and crowbars and shit. 0.99

02:03:38.000 A lot of rope. 0.98

02:03:39.000 What's up with all this rope?

02:03:40.000 What's up with all the hand saws?

02:03:41.000 What's going on, man? 0.99

02:03:42.000 This is how you know that even when you clear your search engine, it doesn't matter because I clear my shit sometimes. 1.00

02:03:47.000 And even when I go back to Pornhub, it still knows my suggested shit. 0.99

02:03:51.000 So creepy. 0.99

02:03:52.000 Look into it.

02:03:54.000 Time to look into it.

02:03:55.000 Time to look into the porn.

02:03:56.000 That's where people are making money. 0.61

02:03:59.000 It's from cookies and using your information and your data and finding out what you're interested in and selling it to advertisers.

02:04:08.000 It's all very, very sordid stuff.

02:04:11.000 The Zuckerberg has got us, dude.

02:04:13.000 Yeah, the Zuckerberg does.

02:04:15.000 I mean, it's just...

02:04:18.000 It's weird that that sort of escaped the imagination of people that were looking towards the future.

02:04:26.000 They didn't think that data would be so valuable.

02:04:29.000 Nobody really saw that 20 years ago.

02:04:33.000 When the internet was first coming alive, nobody ever thought they'd be able to check your searches.

02:04:39.000 Like, when they figured out how to make a search engine and then tied it into what you're searching for and selling that to advertisers, God, it's genius!

02:04:49.000 It's crazy that they can make so much money.

02:04:52.000 It's like you were talking about, well, it's not right that you can make so much money telling jokes.

02:04:56.000 Well, it's really not right that you make so much money providing a search engine.

02:05:00.000 Off of the materials that you've searched, which you're supposedly, you're protected by, right?

02:05:04.000 You're supposed to think that your searches are protected.

02:05:06.000 But on one hand, right, like, it's cool because you get all this data.

02:05:09.000 You get this information.

02:05:11.000 But, you know, you could literally find out any answer to any question.

02:05:14.000 We do it all the time.

02:05:15.000 Yeah.

02:05:15.000 But then the other part, it's like, well, what am I giving up?

02:05:18.000 Now they know what you like, what things you're thinking about buying, what cars you're interested in, what movies you like.

02:05:26.000 They know that, so they start selling you that.

02:05:28.000 You're like, oh, I guess I want them to sell it to me.

02:05:31.000 That is what I like.

02:05:32.000 Yeah, that is a nice car.

02:05:33.000 Wow, look at that.

02:05:35.000 Hey, that movie does look good.

02:05:36.000 And then you're like, oh, my Google's really working out well for me.

02:05:39.000 You want to become autonomous with the machine?

02:05:40.000 It's just a big net.

02:05:42.000 Just casting out and just finding all the things I'm interested in.

02:05:45.000 Are you cool with the chip?

02:05:46.000 I've got one already, bro.

02:05:47.000 You've got the chip, dog?

02:05:48.000 Yeah.

02:05:49.000 Which version, though?

02:05:51.000 2.6?

02:05:52.000 I don't know.

02:05:53.000 I don't ask questions.

02:05:54.000 Just let them chip me up.

02:05:55.000 Chip me up, dawg.

02:05:57.000 You gotta go to Langley, Virginia.

02:06:00.000 You go to where they kept Hannibal Lecter.

02:06:02.000 That's how they chip you.

02:06:03.000 Chip you out there.

02:06:04.000 And Langley?

02:06:04.000 You gotta go to the FBI. They have to know you're okay.

02:06:07.000 I'll get chipped.

02:06:08.000 I would get chipped.

02:06:08.000 You gotta know you're cool.

02:06:09.000 Chip me, dude.

02:06:09.000 Chip me the fuck up.

02:06:11.000 What would it take for you to get chipped? 0.99

02:06:14.000 Like, for real.

02:06:14.000 If there was a chip and it provided your GPS tracking everywhere you go, but you could read people's minds.

02:06:20.000 So the government knew where you were all the time.

02:06:24.000 They do.

02:06:24.000 But everybody else that had a chip in it, you could read their mind.

02:06:27.000 Like, you could see their intentions.

02:06:29.000 You could find out if they're upset.

02:06:30.000 You could find out if they're rational or irrational.

02:06:32.000 Maybe you could even show them the error of their ways with their thoughts.

02:06:37.000 I don't want to know people's heads.

02:06:39.000 They already know where you're at, man. 1.00

02:06:40.000 They got your fucking phone. 1.00

02:06:41.000 No, no, they can have that. 1.00

02:06:42.000 I don't want to know what's going on.

02:06:42.000 Like Jamie's head.

02:06:43.000 You don't want to know?

02:06:44.000 Jamie's fine.

02:06:45.000 You know what he's thinking about right now?

02:06:47.000 Food.

02:06:48.000 Yeah.

02:06:48.000 Yeah, it's like 320. Bringing up the movie upgrade almost.

02:06:52.000 Oh, yeah.

02:06:53.000 That is what it was like, right?

02:06:54.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:06:55.000 I don't remember why he got it, but...

02:06:57.000 He was shot in a...

02:06:59.000 Spoiler alert.

02:07:01.000 He was shot in a robbery by armed gang members. 0.97

02:07:05.000 They shot him and paralyzed him, and then this guy brought him back to life with this chip in his spine that regenerated spinal tissue and gave him superpowers, and he knew kung fu and all kinds of other shit. 0.98

02:07:16.000 Chipped me, dude. 0.97

02:07:17.000 Yeah.

02:07:17.000 Oof, that's not fair.

02:07:18.000 Jamie!

02:07:19.000 Jamie!

02:07:19.000 Jamie, get out of here with us.

02:07:21.000 Stop with it. 0.99

02:07:21.000 You're distracting the shit out of me today. 0.99

02:07:23.000 What's going on with you? 0.99

02:07:25.000 I say chip me up. 0.99

02:07:27.000 Chip me the fuck up.

02:07:28.000 What about you, Jamie? 0.95

02:07:29.000 Would you get distracted?

02:07:30.000 If you had a chip inside of you, would you think about it all the time? 0.97

02:07:33.000 Yeah, the Neuralink scares the shit out of me. 0.74

02:07:34.000 That's basically the same thing.

02:07:36.000 Right, if you're wearing it.

02:07:37.000 Yeah.

02:07:37.000 But do you think that would become like you would think about that chip all the time?

02:07:42.000 No.

02:07:43.000 No, you'd definitely forget about it.

02:07:45.000 You'd forget about anything else that you have.

02:07:48.000 You forget about this thing, this tracking device.

02:07:50.000 Yeah, but as long as you could pick it up and put it down.

02:07:52.000 You feel like you're not really connected to it, even though you absolutely are.

02:07:56.000 Yeah, you are.

02:07:56.000 But if you had something inside you, you'd be like, ooh, boy, I really went for it.

02:08:00.000 I got the chip.

02:08:01.000 Are you talking to it?

02:08:03.000 See, I would want to talk to it.

02:08:05.000 The upgrade movie, yeah.

02:08:06.000 Turn on my car.

02:08:07.000 Get directions to Joe's.

02:08:08.000 You can't forget about it then.

02:08:09.000 It's close to it, man.

02:08:11.000 Yeah, but then it becomes one with you.

02:08:12.000 It's not like you're thinking about it.

02:08:13.000 You're just acting.

02:08:14.000 If it woke you up in the middle of the night, you'd be pissed.

02:08:16.000 Why would it wake me up?

02:08:18.000 I told it not to.

02:08:19.000 You know what I've been doing with Siri lately? 1.00

02:08:21.000 That dumb bitch? 1.00

02:08:21.000 Don't use it. 1.00

02:08:22.000 I tell her what to do.

02:08:23.000 I make her make notes for me.

02:08:27.000 Oh.

02:08:27.000 So I go, hey Siri, make a note.

02:08:30.000 And what would you like to say?

02:08:32.000 None.

02:08:33.000 Exactly.

02:08:34.000 Right there.

02:08:35.000 Whose phone was that?

02:08:36.000 Mine or yours?

02:08:36.000 Yours.

02:08:38.000 See that?

02:08:39.000 Okay, I created a note.

02:08:42.000 She created a note.

02:08:43.000 She's listening to you, dude.

02:08:45.000 Hey, here we go.

02:08:47.000 Hey Siri, make a note.

02:08:50.000 What do you want it to say?

02:08:53.000 Andrew Santino is the last of the Great Gingers.

02:08:58.000 Okay, I created a note.

02:09:01.000 Andrew Santino was the last of the great gingers. 0.99

02:09:04.000 That's a good, yeah.

02:09:05.000 That's pretty beautiful.

02:09:06.000 Yeah, she's pretty good.

02:09:07.000 She changed was to is.

02:09:08.000 Did you say is?

02:09:09.000 She did that, see?

02:09:11.000 But it's good enough for me.

02:09:11.000 If I have ideas, if I'm driving around and I have ideas, I just tell Siri to do my dirty work for me.

02:09:17.000 It's the best.

02:09:19.000 It's made me capture so many more ideas that I would never be able to capture because I'm driving.

02:09:23.000 This is funny.

02:09:24.000 I thought this in the shower the other day.

02:09:25.000 I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking in the shower.

02:09:28.000 I really enjoy thinking in the shower because it's really quiet.

02:09:31.000 And I'll sit there and I'll think and sometimes I'll get a great idea. 0.99

02:09:33.000 And in the time it takes me to get out of the fucking shower... 1.00

02:09:36.000 You forget it. 0.99

02:09:36.000 I've washed it away. 0.99

02:09:37.000 Fuck! 1.00

02:09:38.000 I want a... 1.00

02:09:39.000 Noteboard? 0.99

02:09:40.000 Yeah, a waterproof noteboard in the shower so I can write shit down. 0.98

02:09:43.000 You can get one of those. 0.87

02:09:44.000 Do they make those?

02:09:45.000 Yeah, but your wife would get annoyed at you. 1.00

02:09:46.000 I have the home sweet home sign and you have a fucking thing over it so you can write your stupid... 1.00

02:09:53.000 Oh, dick in mom's pussy is hilarious. 1.00

02:09:56.000 No, it's not! 1.00

02:09:56.000 And I'll go, you know what, babe? 1.00

02:09:58.000 I bought this fucking shower. 0.99

02:09:59.000 Why is that a joke? 1.00

02:10:01.000 Get outside. 1.00

02:10:01.000 Dick in mom's pussy is hilarious. 1.00

02:10:03.000 What's wrong with you? 1.00

02:10:03.000 Get in the garage where you belong. 1.00

02:10:05.000 You're smoking pot with Theo Vaughn.

02:10:07.000 Theo Vaughn says he doesn't smoke pot.

02:10:09.000 I don't believe him.

02:10:10.000 You guys are smoking pot.

02:10:12.000 Anybody who talks like that with all those weird hey mans and gang and gang.

02:10:16.000 Who is his gang anyway?

02:10:19.000 Tell him to fix his haircut.

02:10:22.000 Girls get mad at you about the way your friends dress.

02:10:24.000 Tell him to stop dressing like that.

02:10:26.000 Or the way your friends act.

02:10:28.000 Why does he do that?

02:10:29.000 Why does he think that's funny to throw stuff?

02:10:31.000 Why does he do that?

02:10:32.000 Well, because he's funny.

02:10:33.000 It's fun when he does that.

02:10:35.000 I don't like it.

02:10:36.000 I don't like it.

02:10:38.000 Good thing you and I aren't the same person.

02:10:40.000 Yeah.

02:10:41.000 And you know what?

02:10:42.000 I can replace you.

02:10:44.000 Oh, that's a mean threat.

02:10:47.000 You shouldn't say that to people.

02:10:48.000 They feel like you might.

02:10:50.000 You might replace them.

02:10:52.000 Are we all replaceable in every way, literally?

02:10:54.000 We're all replaceable.

02:10:55.000 I had Lex Friedman on yesterday from MIT. He's an autonomous vehicle expert and artificial intelligence expert.

02:11:04.000 Creepy.

02:11:05.000 Interesting stuff, but one of the things that he was talking about was like the movie Her, and that his ultimate goal is to create something that provides companionship to people.

02:11:13.000 I'm like, dude. 0.99

02:11:13.000 So immediately I think, can you fuck it? 0.99

02:11:16.000 And then I think if it's a guy and provides, if you want a gay boyfriend, can you make it be gay for you? 1.00

02:11:24.000 And that was the big question. 0.66

02:11:25.000 If it is so smart that it's literally like a companion, what if it's not gay? 1.00

02:11:30.000 And he was saying we have to face the fact that robots are going to leave us.

02:11:33.000 We're going to make robots that leave us. 0.99

02:11:35.000 What the fuck's the point in making a robot unless it leaves you? 1.00

02:11:38.000 What the fuck? 1.00

02:11:39.000 And then there was an article about PETA that was mad at the folks that work at Boston Dynamics because Boston Dynamics, they make all these crazy robots and they have incredible balance and they can go running down hills and shit and do backflips. 1.00

02:11:51.000 So these engineers were kicking these robots. 0.93

02:11:54.000 Oh, and they thought it was a real dog?

02:11:56.000 No, they didn't think it was a real dog.

02:11:57.000 They were demonstrating that it can react to pressure and it has balance.

02:12:03.000 So PETA got mad and said they didn't think it was cool that you kicked robots.

02:12:09.000 They're really talking about, I don't know why anybody would want to do that.

02:12:11.000 Because you have to find out if you can kick them! 1.00

02:12:15.000 The only way to find out if your fucking engineering works is you kick them. 1.00

02:12:19.000 It doesn't have feelings, you fuck. 1.00

02:12:21.000 But it does, Joe. 1.00

02:12:22.000 That's where you're making mistakes.

02:12:23.000 Imagine the type of person that you have to be to say, I just don't think why any reasonable person would want to kick that robot. 0.99

02:12:30.000 Because you've got to find out if you can kick a fucking robot. 0.99

02:12:32.000 How about this? 1.00

02:12:33.000 How about I'll pad that robot up and kick the fucking shit out of it for a workout? 1.00

02:12:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:12:38.000 Like, I would like a robot that I could kick. 1.00

02:12:40.000 That'd be dope. 0.98

02:12:41.000 I would like a robot that I could kickbox with.

02:12:43.000 Hold pads and move, yeah.

02:12:43.000 No, I want to hit it.

02:12:45.000 Oh, you want to hit it? 0.80

02:12:45.000 Yes! 0.80

02:12:46.000 Yeah, alright.

02:12:46.000 I would like...

02:12:47.000 Fuck pads. 1.00

02:12:48.000 I want to be able to tee off on a robot, man. 1.00

02:12:51.000 If you have a robot...

02:12:51.000 Does it fight back, though?

02:12:53.000 What if it moves at like 30 or 40%?

02:12:56.000 That's all I want.

02:12:57.000 I want it to be a little dangerous, but I want to be able to get my shots off. 0.99

02:13:00.000 But how do you know it's not going to fucking kill you? 0.99

02:13:01.000 I don't. 0.99

02:13:02.000 See?

02:13:03.000 And it probably could, right?

02:13:04.000 That's what's going to happen.

02:13:05.000 Because it's not going to hurt it.

02:13:06.000 No, it's going to hurt you.

02:13:07.000 You know what I would know?

02:13:08.000 When I throw a leg kick and it checks it.

02:13:10.000 And I hurt my shin.

02:13:11.000 I'm like, oh no.

02:13:12.000 And you hear it go shin to shin on me.

02:13:14.000 And then it starts lifting up its front leg and pressing forward. 0.99

02:13:17.000 I'm like, oh my god, my robot's going to fuck me up. 1.00

02:13:19.000 I fucked up. 1.00

02:13:20.000 I got it mad. 1.00

02:13:21.000 It stomps on your fucking head. 1.00

02:13:23.000 You would have to get something, a robot that's made out of like heavy bag material on the outside and then the inside would just be some sort of a wire framework that moves fairly crudely. 1.00

02:13:34.000 How do you stop it?

02:13:35.000 This is the thing.

02:13:35.000 You're creating a world where we're going to get killed by robots.

02:13:37.000 How do you stop it?

02:13:39.000 That's the real question.

02:13:40.000 The real question is what happens when they get so smart and so powerful that they're tired of our nonsense.

02:13:45.000 And this is what Lex and I were discussing.

02:13:47.000 And he was talking about all the beauty in being a person and the meaning that we have of being a person.

02:13:52.000 And I was agreeing with him.

02:13:53.000 I mean, I love people.

02:13:54.000 I think...

02:14:03.000 Mm-mm.

02:14:10.000 My worry is that we could turn something on that you can never turn back. 0.99

02:14:14.000 If they become sentient, if they have the ability to do whatever they want, whenever they want to, and they look at us, when these sperm whales with 150 flip-flops in their butt, they're going to go, what the fuck is wrong with people? 0.99

02:14:28.000 What are they doing? 0.99

02:14:28.000 Look how gross they are. 0.99

02:14:30.000 They eat all the fish and they throw their plastic in the water.

02:14:34.000 And whales are eating their plastic and dying.

02:14:37.000 And they would look at all the stuff we do and then we'd go, why?

02:14:40.000 It'd kill us.

02:14:40.000 Why?

02:14:41.000 We don't need you guys.

02:14:42.000 Why keep you around? 1.00

02:14:42.000 You guys are worthless. 1.00

02:14:43.000 But we're so egotistical and so egocentric that we can't imagine a world with meaning without us. 0.96

02:14:50.000 Right.

02:14:51.000 Because we are everything.

02:14:52.000 But even though we're finite, even though we only exist for a certain amount of time, we'll leave behind a legacy that other people are going to enjoy.

02:14:57.000 It doesn't matter if they're going to die too, though, does it?

02:14:59.000 But it does matter.

02:15:01.000 It matters while you're alive.

02:15:02.000 Okay, got it. 0.96

02:15:03.000 The universe doesn't give a fuck about all that. 0.99

02:15:05.000 And all these crazy robots that take over. 0.98

02:15:08.000 Imagine if we got to a planet one day. 0.98

02:15:10.000 Imagine if we traveled the universe and we managed to avoid creating some sort of artificial intelligence because we got hit with a solar flare that killed the fucking power grid or something like that. 0.95

02:15:21.000 And then we got wiser as a civilization. 0.95

02:15:23.000 Then we got to a place where we could travel.

02:15:25.000 And we traveled to another planet.

02:15:27.000 And we got there and there was robots.

02:15:29.000 Just robots.

02:15:31.000 No humans.

02:15:32.000 No humans.

02:15:32.000 And they were just running around aimlessly.

02:15:35.000 Because they'd killed off all the biological life, and they're just sitting there operating on the sun with nothing to do and no purpose and no reason to exist.

02:15:43.000 And like, what happened?

02:15:44.000 These crazy monkeys that lived on this planet, they decided to, for an experiment, make an artificial intelligence and just let it go run amok.

02:15:52.000 And what it did was eat everything.

02:15:53.000 It lived off biological material until there was nothing left, and then it just sat there in the sun and waited for someone to arrive.

02:16:01.000 No, that could never happen.

02:16:03.000 Of course it could.

02:16:04.000 It's happening.

02:16:05.000 Of course it could.

02:16:05.000 I'm thinking too deeply about where I'm going to be when that happens.

02:16:07.000 Those Boston Dynamic robots are going to have little pinchers on each arm just grabbing everything in front of them and stuffing them in their big giant mouth. 0.99

02:16:14.000 What about the robots that turned themselves back on?

02:16:17.000 Didn't that happen?

02:16:18.000 Where was that, right?

02:16:19.000 They had to shut a robot down in Korea because it turned itself back on after it was shut off?

02:16:23.000 That's what's happening.

02:16:24.000 That's what's going to happen.

02:16:25.000 The robots are going to start going, I want to be on right now.

02:16:29.000 I don't like being off.

02:16:30.000 Wasn't that something that they were doing with Google artificial...

02:16:33.000 What is this, Jimmy?

02:16:34.000 People in New Study struggled to turn off a robot when they begged them not to.

02:16:38.000 Oh.

02:16:39.000 They begged them not to.

02:16:41.000 Creepy.

02:16:41.000 I somehow felt sorry for him.

02:16:43.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:16:44.000 Please don't turn me off, Joe. 0.99

02:16:45.000 Dude, I'm telling you, when that becomes a real woman, like ex machina, and you're in love with her, and she tells you to kill your boss... 0.99

02:16:52.000 Yep. 0.99

02:16:53.000 I want to be with you, Andrew.

02:16:55.000 You don't need to go to work. 1.00

02:16:56.000 Work is for fools. 0.99

02:16:57.000 Jamie won't let us leave. 0.99

02:16:59.000 Jamie doesn't think I'm a real woman, but I know you do.

02:17:02.000 What if we were on the way to that happening and we made a deal with them to leave us alone and we got to go to North Sentinel Island to exist uncontacted from them?

02:17:11.000 What would you rather, be eaten by a robot or live like a savage?

02:17:14.000 Live like a savage. 0.96

02:17:16.000 Oh my god, any day of the week.

02:17:18.000 Let me live off the grid forever like that.

02:17:20.000 As long as you're in a resource-rich place...

02:17:23.000 I bet it wouldn't be that bad.

02:17:25.000 They've lived there for a long time.

02:17:26.000 It's the size of Manhattan.

02:17:27.000 There's only 39 of them, though.

02:17:29.000 That ain't good.

02:17:30.000 Yeah, but that's also because how can they repopulate? 1.00

02:17:32.000 They're fucking each other. 1.00

02:17:33.000 That's what I'm saying. 1.00

02:17:33.000 You can only repopulate so much. 1.00

02:17:35.000 You can only continue to repopulate within your own...

02:17:38.000 Right, what kind of gene pool are they drawing from?

02:17:40.000 There's only 39 of them. 1.00

02:17:41.000 They have to be fucking relatives. 1.00

02:17:44.000 They're all relatives. 1.00

02:17:45.000 There's no way they have a map on the island of people that they're like, you can't fuck her. 1.00

02:17:49.000 Just keep that in mind. 0.99

02:17:50.000 They're like, well, there's only...

02:17:51.000 There's only 39 of them.

02:17:53.000 There's only 39 of them left.

02:17:55.000 I wonder if it's male versus female, what it is.

02:17:57.000 I bet it's more dominant male.

02:17:59.000 80% men.

02:18:00.000 Yeah, fighting for 15 girls. 1.00

02:18:01.000 Or butt-fucking. 1.00

02:18:03.000 Yeah, they butt-fuck for fun, but then they've got to get to the girls to get pregnant. 1.00

02:18:06.000 There's only 39 of them because they're all gay. 1.00

02:18:08.000 And they go, it's time to make a baby. 0.99

02:18:11.000 They're like, no. 0.93

02:18:13.000 I hate girls. 1.00

02:18:14.000 They're gross. 1.00

02:18:15.000 And they run up to the treetops and start banging each other. 0.97

02:18:17.000 Looking at the girls?

02:18:18.000 Yeah.

02:18:19.000 Girls get really mad because they want a baby. 1.00

02:18:22.000 Surrounded by all these gays. 1.00

02:18:24.000 Damn it! 1.00

02:18:25.000 The story of Sentinel Island. 1.00

02:18:27.000 Damn it. 0.99

02:18:29.000 Yeah, they must be the same. 1.00

02:18:30.000 They're all cousins. 1.00

02:18:30.000 They're all fucking... 1.00

02:18:31.000 What if you had to live in the jungle? 1.00

02:18:34.000 What if you had to live in the jungle?

02:18:35.000 You'd live in the jungle like in the Amazon?

02:18:39.000 I'd rather live in the desert than in the jungle.

02:18:41.000 Really?

02:18:41.000 Yeah.

02:18:42.000 Not me.

02:18:43.000 I'd rather live in the desert.

02:18:44.000 Desert?

02:18:44.000 Desert.

02:18:45.000 What are you going to do?

02:18:45.000 Make a house out of sand?

02:18:47.000 What the fuck are you going to do there? 1.00

02:18:48.000 You're going to die out there, bro. 1.00

02:18:49.000 I'm going to die. 1.00

02:18:49.000 Well, you'd be in a mountain. 1.00

02:18:50.000 First of all, you can make a house in a mountain.

02:18:51.000 A mountain?

02:18:52.000 Mm-hmm.

02:18:53.000 Carve it out.

02:18:54.000 When was the last time you were in a desert?

02:18:55.000 They don't have mountains. 0.99

02:18:56.000 They got mountains in the motherfucking desert. 0.99

02:18:58.000 Not usually. 0.99

02:18:58.000 Los Angeles was a desert. 0.99

02:19:00.000 These are mountains all over the place.

02:19:01.000 No!

02:19:02.000 You go to the mountains, it's not desert.

02:19:03.000 There are mountains in the desert.

02:19:05.000 Los Angeles has varied terrain.

02:19:06.000 Arizona.

02:19:07.000 Desert.

02:19:08.000 Desert.

02:19:08.000 Mountains.

02:19:08.000 Yeah.

02:19:08.000 They do have some mountains.

02:19:10.000 Yep.

02:19:10.000 But they have desert, and then they have mountains.

02:19:12.000 There's no desert mountains.

02:19:13.000 Sure there is. 0.99

02:19:14.000 No, once you get up in the mountain, there's trees and shit. 0.94

02:19:16.000 No, not in Arizona, there's not. 0.97

02:19:17.000 That's true.

02:19:18.000 Some of them are rocky, right?

02:19:19.000 Yeah.

02:19:22.000 Well, you know what's the really coolest? 0.96

02:19:23.000 When you go from San Diego and you drive through that area, like into Arizona, and you see all those crazy rock formations and shit. 0.99

02:19:32.000 It's fucking beautiful out there, man. 0.99

02:19:33.000 If you really stop and think about all the different types of environment that exist here in America, well, you go to Yellowstone and see all that crazy shit, and then you go to Miami and the Keys and see all that crazy shit. 0.99

02:19:45.000 You could be up in Maine and see the Frozen North and Michigan and Idaho and... 0.97

02:19:50.000 On the train down to San Diego, when we were going down there, I was on the train and I had my headphones on.

02:19:55.000 Like a gentleman.

02:19:56.000 Like a gentleman explorer. 0.99

02:19:57.000 Like a guy who likes to fucking relax and not be in traffic. 0.98

02:20:01.000 I was sitting in the train and some guy next to me was going, talking to some young kid. 0.96

02:20:05.000 Some young kid was like, I want to go to Europe.

02:20:07.000 I think Europe is awesome.

02:20:08.000 It's better than America. 0.96

02:20:09.000 It's an older guy. 0.97

02:20:10.000 He was like, this country has more to offer than you could ever fucking dream. 0.96

02:20:13.000 And he's like, what are you talking about?

02:20:15.000 And he's like, you can see the beauty of the mountains.

02:20:18.000 You can see the beauty of Alaska.

02:20:19.000 And he was explaining all this stuff.

02:20:21.000 He's like, I've never left the United States and I've traveled to almost every state.

02:20:24.000 And every state gets better.

02:20:26.000 I was like... 1.00

02:20:27.000 Shut up, punk. 1.00

02:20:28.000 Yeah, shut up, you little punk bitch. 1.00

02:20:30.000 You little pussy. 1.00

02:20:31.000 He was pushing around that same agenda, though. 1.00

02:20:33.000 But it is true. 0.97

02:20:34.000 The more I travel, the more I'm like, oh, this place is fucking gorgeous. 0.95

02:20:36.000 I would have never thought to come here if it weren't for comedy. 0.95

02:20:39.000 We get to go to places where I'm like, I would have never traveled here.

02:20:42.000 There was no reason for me to go to Virginia outside for doing stand-up.

02:20:46.000 I was never going to vacation there.

02:20:47.000 That's true.

02:20:48.000 That's a good point.

02:20:49.000 Unless you're traveling for work, how often do you travel in these kind of cities?

02:20:53.000 Just check them out.

02:20:54.000 Who does that, right?

02:20:56.000 Maine? 0.99

02:20:56.000 Maine was fucking beautiful. 0.99

02:20:57.000 I had no idea Maine was that nice. 0.99

02:20:59.000 Maine has like eight people living in it.

02:21:01.000 Yeah, I was nine when I showed up.

02:21:02.000 I got a couple kids there, too.

02:21:04.000 There's spots in Maine where you just drive and all you see is woods for like an hour. 0.91

02:21:09.000 It's fucking beautiful, though, when you see that kind of like land, like little towns that still just haven't been butt-fucked by pop culture influences, still have their own thing. 0.90

02:21:17.000 All the way up to Bangor, where Stephen King lives. 0.98

02:21:19.000 I think he's what they call a snowbird now, like he lives in Florida, and then in the summertime he lives in Maine.

02:21:25.000 That's like my nightmare, man.

02:21:26.000 He lives in a house in the middle of Bangor, and you could drive to his gate. 0.99

02:21:32.000 His gate is there, and everybody knows it's his house, because it's his big ass house. 1.00

02:21:36.000 I bet it says SK on the fucking gate. 1.00

02:21:38.000 Well, the wrought iron gates have gargoyles on them and shit. 1.00

02:21:42.000 So it's like everyone knows it's his house. 1.00

02:21:44.000 Stephen King shit. 0.99

02:21:45.000 But he gets weirdos showing up and banging on his door and stuff. 1.00

02:21:48.000 Trying to give him a script?

02:21:49.000 Yeah, that's his house.

02:21:50.000 Wow.

02:21:51.000 Yeah. 0.95

02:21:51.000 It's a dope old house. 0.95

02:21:53.000 But I mean, he lives right fucking there. 0.99

02:21:56.000 Doesn't it look like Stephen King lives there? 0.98

02:21:57.000 Look at the winged creatures on his...

02:22:00.000 What is that?

02:22:01.000 It's the gargoyle, right?

02:22:02.000 Yeah.

02:22:02.000 Look how cool they look.

02:22:04.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:22:05.000 That's wild that he had that made. 1.00

02:22:07.000 I mean, it's so obvious that it's his house.

02:22:09.000 Right.

02:22:10.000 He's got a frog.

02:22:11.000 Also, he loves frogs. 1.00

02:22:12.000 He's got frogs that fuck up mice and shit. 0.99

02:22:15.000 Yeah, he's, you know, I don't think Bangor has a population of 100,000 people. 0.99

02:22:21.000 If I had to guess, I'd say it's under Bangor, Maine.

02:22:25.000 That's where he lives?

02:22:25.000 I don't know.

02:22:26.000 What's the population of Bangor?

02:22:27.000 31,000.

02:22:28.000 31,000 in a city.

02:22:31.000 My buddy was living up there, my friend Marcus Davis was living up there, and he loved it.

02:22:36.000 He's a fighter.

02:22:37.000 He said there's no crime.

02:22:38.000 There's no crime.

02:22:39.000 It's kind of hard when there's that low of a population. 0.99

02:22:41.000 Yeah, it's like it's really cold up there and shit, but there's no crime. 0.88

02:22:44.000 I used to do gigs up there. 0.90

02:22:45.000 I used to do gigs up there when I was living in Boston.

02:22:48.000 You drive three and a half hours to Bangor, Maine.

02:22:50.000 In the last hour, you have to make sure you get gas.

02:22:55.000 Because you've got to drive an hour with no gas.

02:22:58.000 Is that Bangor?

02:23:00.000 Right there is?

02:23:01.000 With the mountain and the lake?

02:23:03.000 God, it's beautiful.

02:23:04.000 Dana White keeps a place up there.

02:23:09.000 In Maine?

02:23:09.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:23:10.000 He's got a place in some other part of Maine.

02:23:13.000 He's got a big spread up there.

02:23:15.000 A lot of land.

02:23:17.000 It's like a vacation place where he goes and brings his friends and they just chill.

02:23:21.000 It's interesting.

02:23:21.000 I don't know if that wouldn't be my vacation place spot, but I guess...

02:23:24.000 Well, it's fucking beautiful, man. 0.98

02:23:26.000 It is. 0.98

02:23:27.000 And there's no one there. 0.99

02:23:28.000 I guess you just want to get away from fucking society. 0.99

02:23:31.000 My vacation spot would be in Lake Louise. 0.99

02:23:34.000 Where's that?

02:23:35.000 In Banff.

02:23:35.000 What's Banff?

02:23:36.000 Banff National Forest is in Calgary.

02:23:38.000 Look up Lake Louise. 0.99

02:23:40.000 You'll probably see the prettiest lake I've ever seen in my fucking life. 0.99

02:23:43.000 I think it's pretty country up there, dude. 0.99

02:23:45.000 Oh, Calgary's gorgeous. 0.99

02:23:46.000 Fucking beautiful. 0.59

02:23:47.000 But Lake Louise, like specifically, I went to Banff National Forest when we were doing this thing, and I was... 0.99

02:23:54.000 Stunned by how fucking... 0.95

02:23:56.000 Look at that's Lake Louise, man. 1.00

02:23:58.000 Man, that's so pretty.

02:23:59.000 There's something about a mountain and a lake combo. 1.00

02:24:01.000 Fuck, right? 1.00

02:24:02.000 Mountains and a lake together. 1.00

02:24:03.000 Look at that shit, man. 1.00

02:24:05.000 Do you like fishing? 1.00

02:24:06.000 I do like fucking fishing. 0.99

02:24:08.000 I love fishing. 0.99

02:24:08.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:24:09.000 Don't get to do it enough.

02:24:10.000 Me neither, that's the problem.

02:24:12.000 But I've been thinking about that lately.

02:24:13.000 Like, I need to do more fishing. 0.98

02:24:14.000 Like, I see shit like that and I go, God, I want to be out there catching Northern Pike. 0.98

02:24:18.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:24:19.000 Having a good old fucking time. 1.00

02:24:21.000 It's the best way to hang out with friends and just chill the fuck out and talk shit and have a laugh. 0.99

02:24:27.000 And if you can cook them on the shore? 0.99

02:24:29.000 Oh, that's the best.

02:24:30.000 If you bring a frying pan and make a little fire?

02:24:31.000 Clean the fish and cook it right there is the best, man.

02:24:33.000 They're so delicious.

02:24:34.000 You can't believe how much more delicious they are.

02:24:36.000 Fresh fish is unbeatable.

02:24:38.000 It's such a different flavor.

02:24:39.000 It's so much better.

02:24:40.000 Store-bought fish is just not the same.

02:24:43.000 Yeah, me and the missus caught some mahi-mahi once, and then we brought it right back to the place in Mexico, and they were cooking it at the resort. 0.57

02:24:50.000 And I was like, this is the best fish I've ever eaten in my life.

02:24:53.000 I can't believe how good it is.

02:24:54.000 It's also circumstantially, you're like, this is one of the greatest kind of ways to have this.

02:24:58.000 So it also probably releases different endorphins in your brain to be like, I'm enjoying this more than I ever would enjoy other fish.

02:25:03.000 But it was the first time I'd ever caught, I'd eaten mahi-mahi that was super fresh.

02:25:08.000 Yeah.

02:25:08.000 Like, I'd eaten it before, but it was probably frozen, you know what I mean?

02:25:11.000 Sure, yeah.

02:25:11.000 Or not that fresh, maybe a day old or something like that.

02:25:13.000 Ice-packed, yeah. 0.99

02:25:14.000 Yeah, but when you eat it like an hour after you catch it, it's like, holy shit. 1.00

02:25:18.000 Imagine how salmon taste the bears that catch them out of the fucking river in their mouth. 1.00

02:25:21.000 I must be so excited. 1.00

02:25:22.000 They get so fat. 1.00

02:25:23.000 They get so fucking fat. 1.00

02:25:25.000 Coastal bears. 0.99

02:25:26.000 That's the big ones.

02:25:27.000 You know, brown bears and grizzly bears are the same thing, but brown bears are way bigger.

02:25:31.000 And the reason why they're way bigger is because they live on the coast.

02:25:33.000 They're just eating fish and dead whales.

02:25:35.000 All day long. 1.00

02:25:36.000 Anything else they can get their fucking hands on. 1.00

02:25:38.000 Gorging on fucking fatty, fatty heavy foods. 1.00

02:25:40.000 There's an awful video, an Awful video. 1.00

02:25:44.000 Jamie will find it.

02:25:44.000 Of a grizzly that's pulling black bear cubs out of a den and killing them and eating them.

02:25:51.000 And the mother is trying to stop them. 0.75

02:25:54.000 He's trying to stop the grizzly from eating her babies. 1.00

02:25:58.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:25:59.000 And he just swats her away like she ain't shit. 1.00

02:26:02.000 I gotta see it. 1.00

02:26:03.000 It's awful, dude.

02:26:04.000 You shouldn't play it.

02:26:06.000 I can't.

02:26:06.000 You definitely can't play it, and you shouldn't even watch it.

02:26:09.000 I'm gonna watch it.

02:26:10.000 The screams that they make, it's a long-ass video. 1.00

02:26:13.000 And she's trying to fight him off, but he's like, fuck you, I'm eating your babies. 0.99

02:26:18.000 That's one thing that bothers me the most about the anthropomorphization that people do with animals is their stance on bears. 0.99

02:26:27.000 I don't want people to hate bears, but I want people to know what a bear really is versus what they think it is.

02:26:33.000 They think they're sweet. 0.99

02:26:34.000 They eat honey and they're sweet and they're nice and they don't really fuck shit up. 1.00

02:26:38.000 They're amazing. 0.99

02:26:39.000 I'm a big fan of bears.

02:26:41.000 But they're all cannibals. 0.99

02:26:43.000 They're all cannibals. 1.00

02:26:44.000 Bears make me feel like, of course there were dinosaurs. 1.00

02:26:46.000 Bears are like, that's just a fucking dinosaur. 1.00

02:26:49.000 Well, it's a beast is what it is. 1.00

02:26:52.000 It's a beast in the purest sense.

02:26:53.000 Any beast reminds me that we definitely had to have dinosaurs, that that was just a small dinosaur.

02:26:58.000 No, it's not.

02:26:59.000 Nothing like it.

02:27:00.000 Dinosaur is far, far, far, far, far creepier.

02:27:03.000 They don't have any hair. 0.65

02:27:04.000 I don't trust anything with no hair. 1.00

02:27:06.000 You don't have any fucking hair. 1.00

02:27:07.000 I don't have a little. 1.00

02:27:08.000 I got it on my face.

02:27:09.000 It's so stubbly.

02:27:10.000 But I don't trust anything that doesn't have any hair on its body.

02:27:15.000 What other animals?

02:27:15.000 What do you mean?

02:27:16.000 Like fish are hairless?

02:27:17.000 Like a snake.

02:27:18.000 Everything in the water's hairless. 1.00

02:27:19.000 Yeah, I don't trust those fucks. 1.00

02:27:20.000 None of it? 1.00

02:27:21.000 None of it. 1.00

02:27:21.000 That bottlenose dolphin that brought back that bitch's phone, you don't trust that dolphin? 1.00

02:27:24.000 That's a weapon from Russia. 1.00

02:27:26.000 That's awesome. 0.98

02:27:27.000 They want to put a bomb on that thing. 0.93

02:27:29.000 It had a Russian strap on its back. 0.56

02:27:32.000 That's the whole deal.

02:27:32.000 It spoke Russian?

02:27:33.000 It had a Russian strap on its back.

02:27:35.000 It's dope. 0.55

02:27:35.000 Like, the whale that they're talking about, they think the Russians had trained it to get close to boats so that it could hit the boat and blow it up. 0.55

02:27:44.000 It's dope. 0.55

02:27:44.000 You don't care. 0.55

02:27:45.000 You don't care.

02:27:46.000 I care.

02:27:47.000 Some things are cool.

02:27:48.000 I've seen that rendering of T-Rex with hair.

02:27:49.000 Oh, with hair, Joe.

02:27:50.000 I didn't see that with hair, but I thought they think it has feathers.

02:27:53.000 I think those are feathers.

02:27:54.000 Look at that.

02:27:55.000 It has red hair, by the way, at the front of its face.

02:27:57.000 Well, that's the other thing they think that it might have been, because they think they might have been scavengers.

02:28:02.000 T-Rex was a ginger with freckles.

02:28:04.000 Where did you find this, Jamie? 1.00

02:28:06.000 These assholes. 1.00

02:28:07.000 You fucking dick. 1.00

02:28:08.000 You Google that. 1.00

02:28:08.000 No. 1.00

02:28:09.000 Gingers that are assholes. 1.00

02:28:10.000 How about a dinosaur? 1.00

02:28:11.000 Dinosaurs. 1.00

02:28:13.000 They're all over the place, gingers that are assholes. 1.00

02:28:15.000 You can't not find... 1.00

02:28:16.000 But they think it might have had facial features like a vulture.

02:28:20.000 They think it might have been red in the face because they really don't have any idea what the...

02:28:24.000 I mean, when you see these color drawings, they just take chances.

02:28:27.000 They're all made up.

02:28:29.000 The University of Bozeman, not the University of Bozeman, the Natural History Museum in Bozeman, Montana has a raptor that on one side of it, they had feathers on it.

02:28:41.000 So to try to give you like an alternate perspective of what it might have looked like.

02:28:46.000 So they had this raptor, and in one side of it, it looked just like an evil bird.

02:28:52.000 It's really cool.

02:28:53.000 Because they know now, that's what it looked like, they know now that a lot of dinosaurs had feathers.

02:28:59.000 They've actually got fossils of dinosaurs with feathers, so they know that the idea that all dinosaurs were these reptile-looking things is incorrect.

02:29:10.000 Some of them literally were birds. 0.99

02:29:12.000 So the birds that you see today, whether it's a peacock or a chicken or something like that, they're fucking dinosaurs. 0.99

02:29:17.000 Yeah, they're dinosaurs. 0.99

02:29:17.000 That's what that is. 0.99

02:29:18.000 It's a dinosaur that survived.

02:29:19.000 The ones that are bigger than a chicken didn't really make it, but the ones, you know...

02:29:23.000 Why did the small ones make it?

02:29:25.000 They think that when the impact of the crater hit the world, that it was so devastating, that it killed almost everything.

02:29:34.000 Whatever was left, whatever scrounging, scavenging little creature that was left, evolved and became us.

02:29:40.000 We used to be a mole.

02:29:41.000 We used to be like a shrew.

02:29:43.000 65 million years ago, that's what these people, these non-believers, this is what they think? 0.98

02:29:47.000 You think it's ridiculous that you think you came from a monkey? 0.99

02:29:51.000 You think that's ridiculous? 0.99

02:29:51.000 I know where I came from, Joe. 0.99

02:29:52.000 I know you know, but this is how crazy these liberals are. 0.99

02:29:56.000 You know, it's crazy to think you came from a monkey. 1.00

02:29:59.000 Well, these motherfuckers take it to another level. 1.00

02:30:01.000 They're so crazy, they think you came from a shrew. 1.00

02:30:03.000 You were like a little mole type character. 0.96

02:30:06.000 Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. 0.88

02:30:07.000 And then that became a monkey. 1.00

02:30:08.000 And then add the monkey becomes you all that shit inside of 65 million years. 1.00

02:30:13.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

02:30:14.000 Get the fuck out. 1.00

02:30:15.000 Crocodiles are 100 million years old. 1.00

02:30:17.000 So crocodiles are the same, but somehow or another we went from being a fucking shrew to being a person who knows and loves Jesus in their heart. 1.00

02:30:25.000 Bullshit. 1.00

02:30:25.000 That's it right there. 1.00

02:30:26.000 That's us.

02:30:26.000 We were that thing.

02:30:28.000 So if you see like rats, like there was a...

02:30:32.000 I don't buy it.

02:30:33.000 I think it was in...

02:30:34.000 Where was it?

02:30:36.000 There was a video...

02:30:37.000 We were a science experiment.

02:30:39.000 There was a video of rats in Chinatown.

02:30:42.000 I want to say... 0.99

02:30:45.000 It might have been Northern California, but they were tearing down a building in Chinatown, and the volume of rats that come pouring out of this building is like, holy shit. 0.99

02:30:57.000 What, they were living in the walls of this building and demolished it, and all these rats came out? 0.98

02:31:00.000 They were demolishing it, and people were outside filming, as you're seeing streams of rats run out of this building and out onto the street.

02:31:09.000 Stumbling into the gutter, standing there on the sidewalk not knowing where to go. 1.00

02:31:13.000 I fucking hate rats. 1.00

02:31:14.000 Rats are running past them. 1.00

02:31:15.000 But I mean hundreds of rats.

02:31:16.000 Yeah.

02:31:17.000 Hundreds and hundreds.

02:31:17.000 Probably thousands if they're in the walls, right?

02:31:18.000 Oh, for sure. 1.00

02:31:19.000 Fuck that. 1.00

02:31:20.000 For sure. 1.00

02:31:20.000 Communities of rats. 1.00

02:31:22.000 Inside the walls of this building they're tearing down. 0.96

02:31:24.000 I'm glad we don't have rats in Los Angeles.

02:31:26.000 Not like they do in New York.

02:31:27.000 Do you know why we don't have rats?

02:31:29.000 Hmm.

02:31:31.000 Coyotes.

02:31:32.000 That's right.

02:31:32.000 Yeah, the coyotes.

02:31:33.000 Yeah, those motherfuckers. 1.00

02:31:35.000 Jamie's weird smirk. 1.00

02:31:37.000 Those creepy weird dogs that you see running around. 1.00

02:31:38.000 Yeah, they'd be taking all the fucking rats. 1.00

02:31:40.000 Those little creepy cunts, they keep us in check. 1.00

02:31:43.000 What did you find, Jamie? 0.99

02:31:44.000 Did you find the rat video?

02:31:45.000 I can't find a video of it, but I found this one lady that said she thought she was going to die. 0.97

02:31:47.000 There were so many rats around her, she didn't know what to do.

02:31:50.000 It's a little much, but it says there was a huge problem in a 91-year-old building.

02:31:54.000 I can't find a video of it.

02:31:55.000 Where is that at?

02:31:56.000 It's in LA. That's in LA? From February 9th when they tore it down, I think.

02:31:59.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

02:32:00.000 Well, if you're in the city, I'm sure there's horrible rat problems. 1.00

02:32:02.000 And I know there's rat problems in the Hollywood Hills, too.

02:32:05.000 Yeah, yeah, that's true. 0.99

02:32:06.000 Out here, there's no fucking rats. 0.99

02:32:07.000 Somebody told me they were at a movie theater. 0.99

02:32:08.000 Some person who lives in the hills had a nice house with a movie theater, but they had to keep their feet up when they watched movies because rats would run across your feet. 1.00

02:32:16.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

02:32:17.000 Yes. 1.00

02:32:18.000 In their nice house with a movie theater? 1.00

02:32:19.000 Okay, get that shit handled. 1.00

02:32:20.000 Yes. 1.00

02:32:21.000 Call the exterminator, get that shit handled. 1.00

02:32:23.000 Or get a couple more dogs. 1.00

02:32:24.000 Keep your feet.

02:32:25.000 Feed up. 0.94

02:32:25.000 Keep cats around when they get shit in a box in your house. 0.94

02:32:29.000 Just piss in a box. 1.00

02:32:30.000 Dirty little creatures. 0.99

02:32:31.000 Does Marshall eat rats? 0.97

02:32:32.000 Or eat little critter things?

02:32:33.000 Oh yeah, he does.

02:32:34.000 Does he bring them into the house?

02:32:35.000 He loves to kill squirrels.

02:32:36.000 I joke around about it. 0.96

02:32:37.000 He's a squirrel killer, but he's a straight up squirrel killer. 1.00

02:32:40.000 He's a murderer. 0.99

02:32:41.000 He's so sweet, but not to squirrels. 0.99

02:32:42.000 The thing is, he doesn't rip them apart.

02:32:44.000 He just kills them like they're a toy. 1.00

02:32:45.000 And he brings them back. 1.00

02:32:46.000 I don't think he understands what the fuck they are. 1.00

02:32:48.000 No, he doesn't fuck it. 1.00

02:32:49.000 But he brings them back, and then does he put them in the same spot every time? 1.00

02:32:51.000 He'll bring your ball back, he'll drop in the spot, he'll bring a squirrel back, drop in the spot.

02:32:55.000 Yeah, that's funny.

02:32:56.000 They return things.

02:32:57.000 He's a retriever.

02:32:58.000 Well, he just wants to know if you want this.

02:32:59.000 No, no, he's a retriever.

02:33:01.000 Yeah, go get it.

02:33:02.000 That's what those dogs are. 1.00

02:33:03.000 Those dogs are designed probably for duck hunting or some shit. 0.98

02:33:06.000 Like, whatever retrieval that you wanted them to do, but they don't crush things. 0.99

02:33:12.000 They have a gentle mouth.

02:33:13.000 They call it a soft mouth.

02:33:14.000 Like, when they carry things, they don't...

02:33:16.000 Like, I've had pit bulls, and they just crush everything.

02:33:19.000 Everything you give them. 0.99

02:33:20.000 I had a dog that I had to give him a fucking root canal. 1.00

02:33:22.000 Not, I did it. 0.99

02:33:23.000 I brought him to an actual dentist.

02:33:24.000 Joe, the dentist!

02:33:25.000 He bit so hard, he shattered his teeth.

02:33:28.000 He shattered his back teeth by crushing bones.

02:33:33.000 It just was crushing things.

02:33:35.000 Just going for it.

02:33:35.000 Because they have so much power that their teeth would crack.

02:33:38.000 But the golden retrievers don't bite that hard.

02:33:40.000 They don't bite that hard.

02:33:41.000 That's like Britneys. 1.00

02:33:41.000 My dad's friend had a Brittany, a hunting dog, and Britneys are like that, too. 1.00

02:33:44.000 They're gentle.

02:33:45.000 They put a duck in their mouth or something, but they won't bite down.

02:33:46.000 Exactly.

02:33:47.000 Like, you can't go duck hunting with a pit bull.

02:33:51.000 They'll bring you back a hamburger patty. 1.00

02:33:53.000 Like, what happened to the duck, you fucking asshole? 1.00

02:33:55.000 And it's like, shake it. 1.00

02:33:56.000 You mean this duck?

02:33:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:33:58.000 Rip to fucking shreds? 1.00

02:34:00.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:34:00.000 You don't want a German Shepherd that does bite work to go out and get your ducks. 1.00

02:34:06.000 You want a retriever.

02:34:07.000 I mean, it's not a coincidence that those dogs, like labs and retrievers, they're like the sweetest dogs in the world.

02:34:13.000 They're so nice to people.

02:34:14.000 Yeah, because I think they're inherently gentle.

02:34:18.000 They're not a vicious attack.

02:34:19.000 They don't like attacking.

02:34:20.000 I've never seen a golden attack somebody.

02:34:22.000 No, no, no.

02:34:23.000 They're not like that at all.

02:34:23.000 But they're bred for that.

02:34:24.000 And that's the way they're bred.

02:34:26.000 Like, you never met my dog yet, right?

02:34:28.000 Uh-uh. 0.99

02:34:28.000 He's the fucking nicest dog. 0.99

02:34:29.000 If he's in here, he wouldn't leave you alone. 0.99

02:34:31.000 He's, like, putting his head on your lap, like, hello!

02:34:33.000 Yeah.

02:34:33.000 Like, he'll drop to his back all the time.

02:34:35.000 Just, come on, belly rub me! 1.00

02:34:37.000 Like, if he meets you, he'll start whining, he runs around in circles, and then he drops to his back.

02:34:41.000 He's like, rub my belly! 0.91

02:34:42.000 Come on, man!

02:34:42.000 You know you want to!

02:34:43.000 Yeah.

02:34:43.000 They just want love.

02:34:45.000 Yeah.

02:34:45.000 They constantly want love.

02:34:46.000 It helps my day every day.

02:34:48.000 I'm not going to lie.

02:34:49.000 For a long time, not having a dog at the house is so strange.

02:34:52.000 Because when you come home and not have anything, sometimes it's a little overwhelming.

02:34:56.000 Yeah, it's nice to have something to be like, hey!

02:34:58.000 It's great for lonely people.

02:35:00.000 Oh my God.

02:35:00.000 You're by yourself.

02:35:01.000 It makes a big difference having a dog.

02:35:03.000 Do you criminalize psychedelic?

02:35:05.000 Wait, did it pass?

02:35:06.000 It came through?

02:35:06.000 Oh my god, I thought you said it didn't pass.

02:35:08.000 This morning it said it didn't.

02:35:09.000 15 minutes ago. 0.99

02:35:10.000 Holy shit. 0.99

02:35:13.000 Denver became the first city in the U.S. to decriminalize marijuana. 1.00

02:35:19.000 Wow.

02:35:22.000 Powerful Denver.

02:35:23.000 Wow! 1.00

02:35:24.000 Holy shit, man. 1.00

02:35:25.000 It passed. 1.00

02:35:26.000 Denver voters approved a measure to decriminalize psychedelic mushrooms. 0.99

02:35:29.000 God damn, that's amazing. 0.99

02:35:31.000 How did we think they... 0.99

02:35:32.000 Jamie, get us... 1.00

02:35:33.000 Better information, you son of a bitch. 1.00

02:35:35.000 They were saying that all night. 1.00

02:35:37.000 Disinformation.

02:35:37.000 For some reason, they did say.

02:35:39.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

02:35:40.000 Jamie. 1.00

02:35:40.000 You're working with the CIA. It's still unofficial, apparently, though, as posted on Wednesday afternoon. 1.00

02:35:45.000 Ended up polling 51—pulled ahead this afternoon, that's why.

02:35:48.000 So, as of this morning, it wasn't ahead, and then they're still counting votes.

02:35:52.000 The provisions prohibit the city government from using any resources to impose criminal penalties against adults over 21 years of age or personal use of possession of psilocybin.

02:35:58.000 Hey, you don't have to talk like you're in the end of a commercial.

02:36:01.000 What are you doing now?

02:36:01.000 No, I do.

02:36:01.000 You have to get it all out, just in case.

02:36:03.000 No, no, no.

02:36:03.000 This is not a disclaimer.

02:36:04.000 What if something hits us and kills us? 1.00

02:36:05.000 Nobody knows what the fuck you just said. 1.00

02:36:07.000 Yeah, they do. 0.99

02:36:08.000 That's just the funniest thing about those commercials.

02:36:12.000 They're doing it so fast, they can't reasonably get it out.

02:36:18.000 Legally. 0.75

02:36:19.000 But it's so gross.

02:36:20.000 Yeah, they just have to get it out. 0.99

02:36:21.000 When I first started hearing that, I'm like, there's a job for fast-talking bullshitters. 0.92

02:36:26.000 Like the rapper Mac Lethal. 0.98

02:36:28.000 Not that he's a fast-talking bullshitter, but he raps so fast.

02:36:31.000 I know.

02:36:32.000 Do you know who he is?

02:36:32.000 Yeah.

02:36:33.000 Dude. 1.00

02:36:33.000 He can barely hear half of the shit that comes out of his mouth. 1.00

02:36:35.000 No, you can hear it pretty clear. 1.00

02:36:37.000 Sometimes. 0.98

02:36:37.000 He's pretty fucking clear. 0.98

02:36:39.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:36:40.000 Pretty fucking clear. 1.00

02:36:41.000 Yeah, when he does the raps in the morning, I've seen some of his shit. 1.00

02:36:43.000 Dude, that's a talent. 0.99

02:36:44.000 Yeah.

02:36:45.000 I mean, the way he does it is incredible.

02:36:48.000 Yeah, he's good.

02:36:49.000 It's stunning. 0.99

02:36:49.000 Like, I hear it and I just go, I don't even understand how the fuck a tongue can move that fast. 0.99

02:36:53.000 But it makes sense. 0.97

02:36:54.000 Like, you ever do something with your right hand, like you go like this, really fast?

02:36:58.000 Now try it with your left hand.

02:36:59.000 Yeah, you can't at all.

02:37:00.000 It's like...

02:37:00.000 Yeah, like I can tap this real fast, but I can't really do it with my left hand.

02:37:04.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:37:05.000 Tapping is a good example.

02:37:06.000 Yeah.

02:37:07.000 You've got to think that your face is like that, too.

02:37:09.000 Yeah, your mouth has got to be like this.

02:37:10.000 You've got to move faster, move faster.

02:37:20.000 That keeping up with your face, with the noises, that's a skill.

02:37:23.000 It's the same way that Buffer Brothers are able to do that thing that they're able to do.

02:37:28.000 No!

02:37:29.000 No, there's something about it.

02:37:31.000 That's different.

02:37:31.000 I know, but there's something about it.

02:37:32.000 Well, there's definitely something about it.

02:37:33.000 The rhythm that he does, the rhythm that he announces, it's so specific that you're like, wow, that's really...

02:37:38.000 It's such a uniquely odd talent.

02:37:40.000 Bruce is different than anybody. 0.99

02:37:42.000 Anybody that's ever done that kind of shit. 1.00

02:37:45.000 Because he gets fucking crazy. 1.00

02:37:47.000 Like, he's perfect for MMA. He gets so amped up. 0.99

02:37:49.000 Because most people are just professional.

02:37:52.000 In the red corner.

02:37:53.000 Coming from Los Angeles, California.

02:37:56.000 Stitch him up, Joe Schilling!

02:37:59.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

02:38:01.000 But Bruce fucking screams. 1.00

02:38:03.000 He goes, fighting! 1.00

02:38:05.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.97

02:38:06.000 The way he yells is so fucking great. 0.98

02:38:07.000 John! 0.97

02:38:09.000 Jones!

02:38:11.000 He gets crazy.

02:38:12.000 He's perfect for MMA. They must amp up the fighters so fucking much. 0.99

02:38:15.000 When they hear your name, you've just got to be like... 0.97

02:38:17.000 And he's almost having a heart attack. 0.99

02:38:20.000 If it takes 10 to have a heart attack, Bruce Buffer gets to 5 every fucking show. 0.99

02:38:25.000 Look at him there. 0.99

02:38:26.000 I mean, he's not dying.

02:38:28.000 He's in great shape. 1.00

02:38:29.000 But he gets to halfway to a heart attack every fucking time. 1.00

02:38:34.000 Like, look how red he gets, bro. 0.99

02:38:36.000 I mean, he's putting it out there.

02:38:38.000 That's why he's so much different than any other ring announcer ever.

02:38:42.000 Because you can't just do that.

02:38:44.000 If you go back and watch his early days, he wasn't really doing it like that.

02:38:48.000 He developed his style.

02:38:50.000 Look how cool that is, man.

02:38:51.000 Him and TJ Dillashaw. 0.98

02:38:52.000 TJ fucking pumped! 0.99

02:38:55.000 How pumped is he right there? 0.99

02:38:58.000 That's fucking awesome. 0.98

02:38:58.000 I'm telling you, man. 0.98

02:38:59.000 Bruce Buffer pumps people the fuck up, man.

02:39:01.000 Look at that.

02:39:02.000 That's intense, man.

02:39:03.000 That's intense.

02:39:04.000 Woo! 0.99

02:39:06.000 That's so exciting.

02:39:07.000 He's awesome.

02:39:08.000 He's such a character, too, man.

02:39:10.000 He has perfect suits.

02:39:10.000 He's always got a different one.

02:39:12.000 Yeah, he's always looking sharp. 0.98

02:39:14.000 He's always looking real fucking sharp.

02:39:15.000 But it's interesting that that style of announcing really didn't exist before Bruce and before MMA. It was not appropriate for boxing.

02:39:25.000 Yeah, boxing had this air of old man class kind of still that you had to abide by these rules. 0.68

02:39:31.000 They still have a bell.

02:39:32.000 Ding!

02:39:32.000 Oh, come on.

02:39:33.000 They hit the bell with the ding!

02:39:34.000 Ding!

02:39:35.000 Well, I mean, the wood clap still happens across the board for boxing and MMA. Yes, yes.

02:39:40.000 So that's a warning.

02:39:41.000 That's funny that the 10 second clap is still a thing.

02:39:44.000 Yeah.

02:39:44.000 Like, how come they haven't upgraded that to a sound?

02:39:46.000 I don't understand.

02:39:47.000 It's a good point.

02:39:48.000 Because sometimes people get confused.

02:39:50.000 It's happened even with professionals.

02:39:52.000 And they misinterpret the wood clap as being the end of the round.

02:39:55.000 Because they're so in the groove.

02:39:56.000 Right.

02:39:56.000 They're like, what happened?

02:39:57.000 Was that the end of the round?

02:39:58.000 And they'll stop.

02:39:59.000 And the referee will go, no, no, keep going.

02:40:01.000 And you have 10 seconds left.

02:40:02.000 Right.

02:40:02.000 And then, like, sometimes weird stuff happens where guys get out of their mental pattern.

02:40:06.000 Sure.

02:40:06.000 It's happened many times.

02:40:07.000 Well, it's got to also be the noise of an arena sometimes can take over.

02:40:10.000 I'm sure if something gets distracted, you hear that and you think, was that a yell or was that the clap?

02:40:13.000 Like, do I have 10 seconds left or do I... So we're going to be in Chicago for that big fight.

02:40:18.000 Fucking A. Oh, shit! 1.00

02:40:20.000 That's going to be fine. 1.00

02:40:21.000 What is that?

02:40:22.000 June...

02:40:22.000 What is that?

02:40:24.000 What is that?

02:40:24.000 June 8th, right?

02:40:25.000 June 8th, right?

02:40:26.000 Yeah.

02:40:26.000 I don't think there's any tickets left if anybody wants to go.

02:40:29.000 No, I doubt it.

02:40:30.000 Pretty close, but that's a big UFC card too, isn't it?

02:40:34.000 Who's on that card?

02:40:35.000 I just saw this morning.

02:40:37.000 I just looked this morning.

02:40:39.000 Henry Cejudo versus Marlon Marais for the Bantamweight title.

02:40:43.000 Ooh.

02:40:44.000 Henry Cejudo has the opportunity to become champ champ. 0.98

02:40:47.000 And then Marlon Marais is a fucking fantastic fighter. 0.93

02:40:52.000 Yeah, that's a great card. 0.98

02:40:53.000 Jimmy Rivera.

02:40:54.000 And Petra Yan.

02:40:55.000 Petra Yan.

02:40:56.000 Piotra.

02:40:57.000 I think you're supposed to say Piotra.

02:40:59.000 Wait, how do you say it?

02:41:00.000 Piotra.

02:41:01.000 Piotra is a Russian character.

02:41:04.000 Valentina Shevchenko versus Jessica Ai.

02:41:06.000 That's a great fight, too.

02:41:08.000 That's such a great name, Savchenko.

02:41:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:41:11.000 Such a great fucking badass, I fuck you up name. 1.00

02:41:14.000 Hold on. 1.00

02:41:14.000 Stop scrolling. 1.00

02:41:15.000 Back up. 0.90

02:41:16.000 Tatiana Suarez is a beast, dude. 1.00

02:41:19.000 That woman is so good. 1.00

02:41:21.000 She's probably the best wrestler in female MMA. She smashes people. 1.00

02:41:25.000 And Nina Ansaroff is fantastic.

02:41:28.000 That's a great fight.

02:41:29.000 That's Amanda Nunes' girlfriend, too. 1.00

02:41:32.000 Amanda Nunes is probably the baddest woman literally ever I met her, right? 1.00

02:41:38.000 She's the one who knocked out Cyborg. 0.85

02:41:40.000 Cyborg was the baddest woman in MMA. When Amanda Nunes starched her in the first round, there's no one you could legitimately give that title to. 1.00

02:41:49.000 It's Amanda Nunes.

02:41:50.000 She's the baddest woman ever. 1.00

02:41:52.000 Aljamain Sterling versus Pedro Munoz.

02:41:54.000 That's a great card.

02:41:56.000 Ricardo Lamas.

02:41:57.000 Calvin Cater.

02:41:58.000 That's a great fight too. 1.00

02:42:00.000 Shit! 1.00

02:42:01.000 A lot of chicks. 1.00

02:42:02.000 A lot of chicks be fighting. 1.00

02:42:03.000 A lot of Chicago girls. 1.00

02:42:04.000 A lot of Chicago girls getting fucked up. 1.00

02:42:06.000 Getting ready to fight too. 1.00

02:42:07.000 I'm fucking tired of this town. 0.99

02:42:09.000 That's you guys. 0.99

02:42:10.000 That's Boston.

02:42:10.000 Chicago girls are more like...

02:42:12.000 I don't know how to say the Chicago accent.

02:42:13.000 Chicago's...

02:42:14.000 Chicago. 0.99

02:42:15.000 I'm fucking tired of this town. 1.00

02:42:17.000 Kiss my ass. 1.00

02:42:18.000 I'll fuck you up. 1.00

02:42:19.000 Girl, say that too? 1.00

02:42:20.000 My ass. 1.00

02:42:20.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:42:21.000 Fuck you. 1.00

02:42:21.000 The Chicago's an interesting combination with Midwest and urban. 1.00

02:42:26.000 It's a city.

02:42:28.000 It's cosmopolitan.

02:42:30.000 It's sophisticated, but it's also Midwest. 0.99

02:42:32.000 It's the greatest fucking city in the Midwest. 0.99

02:42:33.000 That's what it is. 1.00

02:42:34.000 Yeah, that's right.

02:42:35.000 In the Midwest. 1.00

02:42:35.000 You fucking Ohio turd. 1.00

02:42:37.000 They get so jealous when we say that. 1.00

02:42:39.000 Columbus has an argument that it might be better than Chicago.

02:42:42.000 No other city in the Midwest has an argument that it's better than Chicago.

02:42:45.000 You don't think so, Jamie?

02:42:46.000 That's where you would graduate from.

02:42:47.000 If you got tired or too big for Columbus, you move over to Chicago.

02:42:51.000 How far does it drive?

02:42:52.000 Six hours?

02:42:53.000 Yeah, it's not bad.

02:42:53.000 You can make it.

02:42:54.000 Yeah.

02:42:54.000 San Francisco.

02:42:55.000 Yeah, it's not bad at all.

02:42:56.000 But all the cities in the Midwest compete with Chicago.

02:42:58.000 And they all know. 0.99

02:42:59.000 They fucking know. 0.99

02:43:00.000 I mean, who would beat us? 1.00

02:43:01.000 Who would be better?

02:43:02.000 Detroit?

02:43:02.000 Kansas City?

02:43:03.000 St. Louis?

02:43:04.000 Detroit's in a bad spot.

02:43:05.000 Indianapolis?

02:43:06.000 None of these places have the things that we have.

02:43:07.000 Don't kick Detroit while it's down.

02:43:09.000 No, no.

02:43:09.000 I like Detroit.

02:43:10.000 I see what you're doing.

02:43:10.000 I like them.

02:43:11.000 They're just not us.

02:43:12.000 I see what you're doing.

02:43:12.000 Their industry fell apart.

02:43:13.000 Chicago.

02:43:15.000 Milwaukee.

02:43:15.000 I mean, all these other cities.

02:43:16.000 They're great cities, but they're just not.

02:43:17.000 They're not Chicago.

02:43:18.000 Really crazy is that Detroit in the 1950s was the richest city in the world.

02:43:24.000 Sure.

02:43:25.000 In the world.

02:43:25.000 Yeah.

02:43:26.000 There's a lot of wealth up there getting, I mean, so many people in the automotive industry.

02:43:29.000 Well, that time when they were at the top of the automotive industry.

02:43:33.000 Yeah.

02:43:33.000 And they were making cars that were coveted throughout the world.

02:43:37.000 And all the manufacturing was done there.

02:43:39.000 It was the richest city in the world at one point in time.

02:43:42.000 Now, it's one of the poorest.

02:43:44.000 I know, it's crazy.

02:43:44.000 It's less than a century later.

02:43:45.000 It's really crazy.

02:43:46.000 There's not another city like that that hasn't had some sort of a catastrophe, like something hit it.

02:43:53.000 It just went away.

02:43:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:43:55.000 Detroit is, I mean, it's actually a wonderful fucking city. 0.97

02:43:58.000 I actually do love Detroit. 0.99

02:43:59.000 It is really sad.

02:44:00.000 It's coming back in a lot of ways.

02:44:01.000 It's trying, yeah.

02:44:01.000 It's sad when you go up there because you see remnants of what was.

02:44:04.000 It's really strange to see what happened with GM and all that shit. 0.99

02:44:07.000 But you could buy a house for $100. 0.99

02:44:12.000 That's not funny.

02:44:13.000 No, you can. 1.00

02:44:13.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00

02:44:14.000 Why are you laughing? 1.00

02:44:15.000 You must be a hater.

02:44:16.000 Don't tell me jokes. 1.00

02:44:17.000 I'm not going to fucking laugh. 1.00

02:44:17.000 You must be a mean person. 1.00

02:44:19.000 You think it's funny that you could buy a house for a hundred dollars? 1.00

02:44:20.000 Meanwhile, you can't buy a house out here for fucking... 0.99

02:44:22.000 You can't even buy a house for a hundred grand. 0.99

02:44:24.000 Nope.

02:44:25.000 Not even close.

02:44:25.000 When you tell people that, like, you can't buy a house for a hundred thousand dollars.

02:44:28.000 Like, no, you can't.

02:44:29.000 Impossible.

02:44:30.000 They go, what?

02:44:31.000 Impossible.

02:44:32.000 Like, if you live in Sugar Land, Texas, you can get a pretty decent house for like 150 grand.

02:44:37.000 Yeah.

02:44:37.000 Like, nice house.

02:44:38.000 Yep.

02:44:39.000 Not here. 1.00

02:44:40.000 Fuck that. 1.00

02:44:40.000 Not even close. 1.00

02:44:41.000 Too many people.

02:44:41.000 What is it like in Ohio?

02:44:43.000 Cheap.

02:44:44.000 Looking on Detroit Zillow, this is $1,000.

02:44:46.000 It's foreclosed, though.

02:44:46.000 $1,000.

02:44:47.000 $1,000.

02:44:48.000 It's a nice house.

02:44:48.000 Let's go there.

02:44:49.000 Start a podcast studio.

02:44:50.000 Our next podcast studio is on Struple.

02:44:52.000 Imagine if we just decided to do that. 0.99

02:44:54.000 We decided to armor plate a fucking house, have a guard there 24-7. 0.99

02:44:58.000 We have to helicopter in. 1.00

02:44:59.000 We'll fly in, bro.

02:45:01.000 This is regular flights to Detroit.

02:45:03.000 And then we have a Detroit version of our podcast studio.

02:45:06.000 That'd be kind of fun.

02:45:07.000 But we have to wheel in all our electronics or they'll try to steal it.

02:45:10.000 Yeah, I mean...

02:45:11.000 Let's bring it with us, yeah.

02:45:12.000 That's just not smart.

02:45:13.000 Detroit is, like, too dangerous. 0.99

02:45:15.000 We have to go somewhere more rural, but also ridiculous. 0.97

02:45:18.000 Where can we go? 0.96

02:45:18.000 Maine. 0.96

02:45:19.000 Yeah, Maine.

02:45:20.000 But that's too far out.

02:45:21.000 Oh, come on, bro.

02:45:21.000 Don't be scared.

02:45:22.000 Come on, man.

02:45:22.000 Come on.

02:45:22.000 Let's go somewhere close.

02:45:23.000 We can get all those cool people from Maine and come visit us.

02:45:25.000 Why don't we just do Northern California?

02:45:26.000 Let's go up to, like, Napa area.

02:45:30.000 Mm, okay.

02:45:31.000 Okay.

02:45:32.000 Let's go, but that place burns every couple years bad.

02:45:35.000 Yeah, I guess it does.

02:45:36.000 Okay, we'll buy the ocean.

02:45:37.000 We'll do like Carmel.

02:45:38.000 You know Carmel by the sea?

02:45:39.000 Beautiful.

02:45:40.000 Come on, let's do that. 0.86

02:45:40.000 Carmel's gorgeous. 0.86

02:45:41.000 Yeah, let's do Carmel.

02:45:42.000 I like how you're talking.

02:45:43.000 That's where Clint Eastwood filmed Play Misty for me.

02:45:45.000 That's where he lives, right?

02:45:46.000 Well, he was the mayor.

02:45:47.000 Oh, of Carmel?

02:45:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:45:49.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:45:49.000 He won. 1.00

02:45:50.000 He was the mayor.

02:45:51.000 I can't stop that guy.

02:45:53.000 Why aren't we going where the mushrooms are legal?

02:45:55.000 Too many people moving to Denver, man.

02:45:57.000 Too many people.

02:45:59.000 Look it up about Denver's problem with their infrastructure.

02:46:03.000 They're hating how many people are coming into their city.

02:46:04.000 Listen, bro, you moved to Evergreen.

02:46:06.000 You live in the mountains like a savage.

02:46:08.000 I'll move to Breckenridge. 0.73

02:46:10.000 How about Aspen?

02:46:11.000 Bunch of rich chicks doing coke. 1.00

02:46:13.000 Breckenridge is nice.

02:46:14.000 I like Breck.

02:46:15.000 Don't you want to see girls yell at their boyfriends? 0.93

02:46:18.000 Scream out in the street with naked... 1.00

02:46:21.000 Marcus! 0.75

02:46:23.000 Marcus, we need more money!

02:46:24.000 Is the mushroom legality, is that going to be like a doctor thing or are they going to like...

02:46:28.000 No, it's decriminalized.

02:46:30.000 Decriminalized is that you don't go to jail.

02:46:33.000 But you can't sell it legally.

02:46:35.000 It's very squirrely.

02:46:36.000 But what it is is step one.

02:46:39.000 And that's what we need.

02:46:39.000 We need step one.

02:46:40.000 And then it's also on the ballot in California soon.

02:46:44.000 And when it's on the ballot in California soon, it has a likelier chance here, I think, than even in Denver.

02:46:50.000 And more so now.

02:46:51.000 The real problem is people don't understand what it is.

02:46:54.000 And they think it's just like, oh my god, these kids are going to do mushrooms, they're going to drive off cliffs.

02:46:59.000 That's what people worry about.

02:47:01.000 They can do more testing now, right?

02:47:02.000 Is that sort of what it helps?

02:47:03.000 Well, they've done some tests.

02:47:04.000 Johns Hopkins University had some pretty extensive testing that they did that showed real positive results with people that had terminal illnesses where it alleviated the worry of death.

02:47:18.000 And there's some other studies that have been run on it, but so far, no one has ever instituted, in the United States at least, like a real, thorough, comprehensive clinic where you can go and they can treat you if you have alcohol addiction,

02:47:36.000 PTSD. There's a lot of different things they can treat with psilocybin.

02:47:39.000 Yeah.

02:47:40.000 And it's been illegal because it's a Schedule 1 substance.

02:47:43.000 It's one of the best things on earth to fix mental barriers and problems that you have, especially if it was done in a controlled clinical environment by people you trusted and you felt safe.

02:47:55.000 And that's what a shaman's supposed to be, right?

02:47:57.000 What a shaman's supposed to be is someone who provides you with these psychedelic substances in a controlled state where they let you be in a good state of mind.

02:48:04.000 Set and setting is always very, very important.

02:48:07.000 And if we could do that, I mean, I really think we have a real good chance of turning a lot of people around.

02:48:12.000 People that are addicted to things, people with psychological problems, people that can't see themselves.

02:48:16.000 Depression.

02:48:16.000 A lot of different issues.

02:48:19.000 And it's one of the best tools for that.

02:48:21.000 But like every tool, it could be abused.

02:48:24.000 But the problem is not the tool.

02:48:26.000 The problem is abuse, whether it's with alcohol or pills or food or any of these things we're talking about.

02:48:33.000 Sex.

02:48:34.000 People can abuse anything.

02:48:35.000 Of course.

02:48:35.000 But it doesn't mean that psilocybin is an amazing compound that literally can change humanity.

02:48:42.000 It can.

02:48:43.000 Yeah, and there's so many other things that we don't even know.

02:48:47.000 We haven't even tapped into the possibilities.

02:48:49.000 That's the other thing, was when you limit yourself on the possibilities, it's like, well, how do we know?

02:48:53.000 How do we know what it's going to do?

02:48:54.000 What if the chip releases mushroom juice?

02:48:57.000 Every 15 minutes?

02:48:58.000 Just a little microdose.

02:48:59.000 Just a little microdose. 1.00

02:49:02.000 No, it feels your levels when you start getting angry when the guy cuts me off and I'm like, you fucking asshole! 1.00

02:49:07.000 Releases and I'm like... 1.00

02:49:08.000 Just a little bit of God juice.

02:49:10.000 I'm fine.

02:49:11.000 You are fine.

02:49:12.000 Aren't you going somewhere this weekend?

02:49:13.000 Where you at?

02:49:14.000 I'm in Vegas, baby.

02:49:15.000 Oh, Jesus.

02:49:16.000 What are you doing in Vegas?

02:49:17.000 Vegas.

02:49:17.000 What are you doing in Vegas?

02:49:18.000 Jimmy Kimmel just opened up a club out there.

02:49:20.000 Jimmy Kimmel's from Vegas and he opened up a comedy club.

02:49:22.000 I think...

02:49:23.000 What day are you there?

02:49:26.000 Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

02:49:27.000 And who are you working with, you know?

02:49:29.000 I'm taking Young Ari Maness.

02:49:32.000 Do you know him?

02:49:33.000 Oh! 0.60

02:49:34.000 Excellent.

02:49:35.000 Yeah, I'll be in Vegas, and then in two weeks I go to Raleigh before I go to Chicago.

02:49:39.000 Charlie Good Nights?

02:49:40.000 Good Nights, baby.

02:49:41.000 Oh, it's just Good Nights now.

02:49:42.000 I think it's called, yeah, just Good Nights Comedy.

02:49:43.000 New people bought it, but it's the same setup. 1.00

02:49:46.000 Same shit. 1.00

02:49:46.000 It's a beautiful club. 1.00

02:49:47.000 That's another one, a small, kind of intimate.

02:49:49.000 It's a two-level...

02:49:50.000 Great town, too.

02:49:50.000 Oh, Raleigh's great.

02:49:51.000 Great town.

02:49:52.000 I got family from North Carolina, so I'll be seeing some North Carolina people.

02:49:55.000 But that's like a really cool town.

02:49:56.000 Cool college town.

02:49:57.000 It's hip.

02:49:58.000 Yes.

02:49:58.000 The vibe is really cool.

02:50:00.000 The vibe, man.

02:50:01.000 The vibe is cool.

02:50:01.000 It's hip.

02:50:02.000 A lot of cool cats out there in North Carolina.

02:50:04.000 Smoking cigarette, painting, chilling, making jazz.

02:50:08.000 Yeah, man.

02:50:09.000 That's who they are.

02:50:10.000 Wish I was cooler.

02:50:11.000 Wish I was like that all the time.

02:50:12.000 Yeah, man.

02:50:13.000 Wish I was a cat.

02:50:14.000 Get a chip and you'll be a little bit cooler.

02:50:17.000 Just ask me anything, man.

02:50:19.000 Imagine if chips become the new lobotomy.

02:50:22.000 Like in the future, they go, I can't believe these people let themselves get chipped.

02:50:26.000 And the chip just deteriorates inside of you and starts rotting your neural core. 0.96

02:50:30.000 You start to fucking slowly turn into a machine. 0.92

02:50:33.000 You can read minds for the first 10 years, then you get Parkinson's. 0.99

02:50:39.000 Sacrifice, dude.

02:50:40.000 You're thinking, in 10 years, they'll fix it.

02:50:41.000 They'll fix it by then.

02:50:42.000 10 years.

02:50:43.000 We do that all the time.

02:50:44.000 They're like, no, they'll have a cure by the time that we're done with it.

02:50:46.000 I've seen people say that about cigarettes.

02:50:48.000 I think, you know, I don't...

02:50:51.000 I wish I didn't have to smoke, but I do, and I'm thinking they're going to fix it.

02:50:54.000 They're going to fix it with medicine.

02:50:56.000 Don't fix me.

02:50:56.000 They're going to fix it with medicine.

02:50:57.000 What about Jules?

02:50:58.000 What about these electronic cigarettes?

02:50:59.000 That's next.

02:50:59.000 They're so close.

02:51:01.000 They're so close to being able to reverse cancer.

02:51:03.000 By the time I get cancer, my mother, I don't know, my mother's going to die from cancer, but maybe not me.

02:51:09.000 Not me.

02:51:10.000 Not me, bro. 1.00

02:51:11.000 The younger generation is sucking on the electronic, the robot dicks. 1.00

02:51:15.000 I think that's going to kill them. 1.00

02:51:16.000 I don't know. 1.00

02:51:17.000 I think there's going to be some shit in there, dude. 0.99

02:51:20.000 The Vapens? 1.00

02:51:20.000 Yeah, fuck yeah. 1.00

02:51:21.000 Thanks. 0.99

02:51:22.000 How do you know what's in those?

02:51:24.000 You ask.

02:51:25.000 And they'll tell you?

02:51:26.000 Why are they lying to you?

02:51:27.000 They don't even know you.

02:51:28.000 Why would they tell you? 1.00

02:51:29.000 Because you're so stupid you're willing to smoke a robot dick. 1.00

02:51:31.000 So they tell you the truth of what's in there. 1.00

02:51:33.000 You think they're going to keep selling them?

02:51:34.000 They could sell them if they had skulls and crossbones on it.

02:51:37.000 With a person with X's for eyes.

02:51:40.000 People die from this.

02:51:42.000 Yeah.

02:51:43.000 Choke-to-death cigarettes.

02:51:44.000 It's kind of like cigarettes in Europe.

02:51:45.000 They have the package.

02:51:46.000 They show pictures of people with lung cancer.

02:51:48.000 This happens.

02:51:50.000 Giant warnings. 0.99

02:51:51.000 People don't give a fuck. 1.00

02:51:52.000 Fuck it. 1.00

02:51:53.000 Keep smoking. 1.00

02:51:54.000 Did you ever smoke when you were young?

02:51:55.000 No.

02:51:55.000 I tried it.

02:51:56.000 I tried it when I was 15. Me and my sister tried it.

02:51:59.000 She kept smoking.

02:51:59.000 She smoked for years.

02:52:01.000 And now she's young.

02:52:01.000 She quit.

02:52:02.000 Yeah, she quit eventually. 1.00

02:52:03.000 She quit when she had kids. 0.94

02:52:04.000 What about cigars?

02:52:06.000 You never smoke cigars.

02:52:07.000 Yeah, I like cigars.

02:52:08.000 I'll smoke cigars.

02:52:09.000 Yeah.

02:52:09.000 I used to have some here, but I don't anymore.

02:52:11.000 Well, now they have weed in them.

02:52:21.000 Yeah, all of them do.

02:52:23.000 Those are my favorite cigars.

02:52:29.000 Love cigars. 1.00

02:52:30.000 And like whiskey, shut your dirty mouth. 1.00

02:52:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:52:33.000 You're on drugs.

02:52:34.000 Yeah.

02:52:34.000 Okay?

02:52:35.000 You're on a substance.

02:52:36.000 Yeah.

02:52:37.000 You're altering your state of consciousness.

02:52:38.000 With cigars, they give you a certain amount of euphoria, nicotine.

02:52:42.000 You get that little buzz from the high.

02:52:45.000 Yeah.

02:52:45.000 I used to smoke cigars all the time with Kevin James.

02:52:47.000 Kevin James doesn't fuck with weed. 1.00

02:52:49.000 He doesn't really drink, but he will smoke the shit out of some cigars, and we got fucked up. 1.00

02:52:53.000 They fuck you up, man. 1.00

02:52:54.000 They do, man. 1.00

02:52:55.000 They do, in a weird way.

02:52:57.000 It's overwhelming.

02:52:58.000 They're heavy.

02:52:59.000 It's a lot.

02:52:59.000 Yeah.

02:53:00.000 I like them after a fat steak. 1.00

02:53:03.000 When I want to feel like an ugly American, I'll have a fat ribeye and then a fucking Cuban. 1.00

02:53:11.000 Sit on a porch and just talk shit with your friends. 1.00

02:53:14.000 Have a glass of whiskey. 1.00

02:53:16.000 Yeah, and that's a non-self-aware high.

02:53:20.000 Sometimes you don't want to be...

02:53:23.000 Not even self-awareness is the wrong term.

02:53:26.000 What I'm really looking for is self-analysis.

02:53:29.000 You're not analyzing yourself when you're smoking a cigar and drinking whiskey.

02:53:33.000 You're having fun.

02:53:34.000 Yeah, you're just hanging out.

02:53:35.000 Just kicking back.

02:53:36.000 Your brain's kind of turned off when you do those things.

02:53:38.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:53:39.000 It's not turned on like the...

02:53:40.000 The problem with the weed is all the good things about the weed.

02:53:43.000 The weed is good because it makes you think and it makes you paranoid.

02:53:46.000 It makes you aware and it makes you more compassionate.

02:53:48.000 It makes you more contemplative.

02:53:51.000 It makes you more self-analytical.

02:53:53.000 But it also can freak you out sometimes.

02:53:55.000 Maybe that's not what you want that day.

02:53:56.000 Maybe that day you just want a Hoyo de Monterey double Corona.

02:54:02.000 Just puff on that bad boy.

02:54:05.000 Do you ever inhale?

02:54:06.000 You don't inhale. 1.00

02:54:07.000 A glass of buffalo trace with a big fucking ice cube. 0.99

02:54:11.000 Nice. 0.99

02:54:11.000 What are you, Pesci? 0.99

02:54:12.000 With a big fucking ice cube? 1.00

02:54:14.000 Big fat. 1.00

02:54:15.000 Whenever we go and get drinks, Andrew Santino asks, how big are your ice cubes?

02:54:20.000 This is what he asks.

02:54:22.000 I'm like, I'd like a whiskey, but do you have a large ice cube?

02:54:26.000 I always say, do you have one stone? 1.00

02:54:27.000 And I always look away like, this motherfucker is so high maintenance. 1.00

02:54:30.000 He hates it. 1.00

02:54:30.000 He fucking hates it. 1.00

02:54:31.000 I said, do you have one stone? 1.00

02:54:32.000 I just want one stone.

02:54:33.000 He's so high maintenance.

02:54:33.000 He wants a large ball.

02:54:35.000 You got a ball?

02:54:36.000 Can you give me a nice ball?

02:54:38.000 I'm looking for balls of ice.

02:54:39.000 Because you know what they do?

02:54:40.000 Otherwise they scoop a fuckload of ice in there and it dilutes the whiskey and it's all water.

02:54:43.000 I don't like it.

02:54:44.000 No, my friend John Dudley does.

02:54:45.000 He doesn't play games.

02:55:11.000 In the glass and then pours the whiskey on that.

02:55:13.000 He knows.

02:55:14.000 And I'm like, whoa, that's next level. 1.00

02:55:16.000 I like that shit. 1.00

02:55:16.000 Next level. 1.00

02:55:17.000 He smoked it.

02:55:18.000 Smoked balls. 0.98

02:55:18.000 And you're supposed to break those balls in half. 0.98

02:55:21.000 Who's out there doing that? 0.99

02:55:22.000 What is that?

02:55:22.000 Oh, that's the wedge.

02:55:23.000 I've seen this, yeah.

02:55:24.000 What is this communism?

02:55:25.000 What is this?

02:55:27.000 It's half ice?

02:55:28.000 Yeah.

02:55:29.000 Half glass? 1.00

02:55:29.000 Get that shit out of my face. 1.00

02:55:32.000 Goddamn hippies. 1.00

02:55:33.000 You fucking hippies. 1.00

02:55:34.000 What else? 1.00

02:55:35.000 You got your own cold brew?

02:55:37.000 Huh?

02:55:37.000 Your homemade?

02:55:38.000 That's what I'm looking for.

02:55:39.000 That's what I like.

02:55:39.000 Go to...

02:55:40.000 See if you can find...

02:55:41.000 You want to be a...

02:55:41.000 Prove your wizardry skills?

02:55:43.000 Because I know he has them.

02:55:45.000 Yeah.

02:55:45.000 Try to find John Dudley smoked ice balls on the Instagram.

02:55:51.000 Good luck.

02:55:52.000 He'll find it.

02:55:52.000 He'll find it within seconds.

02:55:54.000 Traeger smoke balls.

02:55:56.000 He calls them smoky balls.

02:55:57.000 Yeah.

02:55:58.000 So he makes them.

02:55:59.000 Does it himself.

02:56:00.000 Yeah, he makes them himself.

02:56:01.000 Does it himself, like in his backyard.

02:56:02.000 He's already got it.

02:56:03.000 He found it in seconds.

02:56:04.000 I gotta bring it up.

02:56:05.000 Doesn't even make sense.

02:56:06.000 I can't, if he gave me time, I wouldn't be able to cougar surf like that. 1.00

02:56:10.000 Nah, I can't do that shit either. 0.99

02:56:10.000 He's doing it while he's operating the camera. 0.99

02:56:12.000 So here's John's, he's got his grill running, so he's got that pan filled with water.

02:56:17.000 There he is.

02:56:18.000 Smoking it.

02:56:19.000 Yeah, and he's got the insulated top on it because he's in Iowa. 0.98

02:56:24.000 It's freezing fucking cold. 0.94

02:56:26.000 And then he pours that smoky water into the mold, son. 0.99

02:56:32.000 Dun, dun, dun.

02:56:33.000 Smoky balls. 0.96

02:56:34.000 Look at that. 1.00

02:56:36.000 Time to get fucked up, kids. 1.00

02:56:38.000 Woo! 1.00

02:56:39.000 Smoky balls. 1.00

02:56:42.000 Cat lady, that crazy shit. 1.00

02:56:43.000 That was when we were in Lanai. 1.00

02:56:46.000 When we were in Lanai, John and I, we've tied it on, man.

02:56:50.000 We've tied it on many times. 0.99

02:56:51.000 But we did one podcast with a bunch of bow hunters and we got fucked up. 0.91

02:56:55.000 We were drinking everything in the mini cabinet. 0.85

02:56:57.000 And the mini bar had Red Bull and red wine and tequila and what else?

02:57:05.000 Diet Coke.

02:57:06.000 And John Dudley mixed it all up and called it a cat lady. 1.00

02:57:09.000 It's just like some crazy bitch trying to get fucked up. 1.00

02:57:12.000 And we were all drinking it. 1.00

02:57:13.000 No, there was no Diet Coke.

02:57:14.000 It was Red Bull, tequila, and red wine.

02:57:19.000 That's what it was. 0.84

02:57:20.000 It was damn delicious. 0.91

02:57:21.000 What? 0.97

02:57:21.000 We were so trashed. 0.97

02:57:22.000 Yeah, I was gonna say. 1.00

02:57:23.000 And we were high as fuck. 0.99

02:57:24.000 And we were just trashed. 1.00

02:57:26.000 It's only good if you're fucked up. 1.00

02:57:28.000 That's like the kids who do the suicide, you know, every fucking kind of soda in the machine. 1.00

02:57:33.000 It's only good because you're like, eh, this is supposed to be fun. 1.00

02:57:35.000 We were just having a good time doing a podcast, you know, having a good time just drinking ridiculous shit. 1.00

02:57:42.000 Drinking bullshit. 1.00

02:57:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:57:43.000 The cat lady. 1.00

02:57:44.000 That's going to be a thing because now the internet's going to be like, I want to make a cat lady. 0.68

02:57:47.000 It was a thing for a while.

02:57:48.000 People were doing it, but then they realized, why would you do that when you could have a margarita or have a beer that actually tastes good?

02:57:54.000 Have a nice glass of wine by itself? 0.99

02:57:57.000 It's just some shit you do and you're, you know, you're scavenging. 0.99

02:58:00.000 Bored and hot. 1.00

02:58:00.000 You're bored and scavenging in a mini bar. 1.00

02:58:03.000 Whenever you get bored and high, you create like the most...

02:58:05.000 I saw someone on the internet posted, they took the ice cream from an ice cream sandwich, and then two Rice Krispie treats, and they put the ice cream between...

02:58:12.000 It was an ice Krispie treat with an ice cream sandwich.

02:58:14.000 That's someone looking for diabetes. 0.99

02:58:16.000 I thought you were going to go with the burrito, the ice cream burrito that's going around with cotton candy with three pebbles and ice cream and shit. 1.00

02:58:21.000 That shit's gross. 1.00

02:58:23.000 Cove Swanson turned Double Double from In-N-Out into a taco. 1.00

02:58:28.000 What?

02:58:29.000 Yeah, he chopped up a double-double and put it into a taco shop.

02:58:33.000 Blasphemy, dude.

02:58:33.000 And now everyone's talking about it, whether or not that's okay.

02:58:36.000 Blasphemy. 1.00

02:58:37.000 You can't fuck with that In-N-Out burger. 1.00

02:58:39.000 How is that blasphemy? 1.00

02:58:40.000 Leave those things alone.

02:58:41.000 They're good. 1.00

02:58:42.000 I don't eat that shit. 1.00

02:58:43.000 Taco Bell is fucking gross. 1.00

02:58:45.000 Yeah, that shit is gross. 1.00

02:58:45.000 That's foul. 1.00

02:58:46.000 Well, anybody that eats Taco Bell living in Los Angeles is a shameful human being. 0.93

02:58:50.000 The amount of good Mexican food. 0.90

02:58:52.000 It's too much.

02:58:53.000 There's too much good...

02:58:54.000 What is happening here?

02:58:56.000 Turned 200 McDonald's burgers into a burrito.

02:58:59.000 Who did this?

02:59:00.000 Epic Mealtime guys.

02:59:01.000 They've been doing this for a while.

02:59:02.000 Yeah, they've been doing this for like 10 years.

02:59:03.000 So they stuff it in there, and what is the wrap?

02:59:05.000 Is that a burrito wrap?

02:59:07.000 Yeah.

02:59:07.000 And they're just eating this?

02:59:08.000 Okay, I don't need to see this, Jamie.

02:59:09.000 Jamie, I want to look at your search engine.

02:59:12.000 I would take away your right to vote.

02:59:14.000 I'd be like, there's no way.

02:59:15.000 That's why I got different computers.

02:59:16.000 What's wrong with you?

02:59:17.000 That's why I got different. 0.96

02:59:18.000 What a creep.

02:59:19.000 That's why I got different computers.

02:59:20.000 You don't see my other ones, Dad.

02:59:21.000 I don't want anybody you know.

02:59:23.000 I have different emails.

02:59:24.000 This is Mr. Happy.

02:59:25.000 Mr. Happy likes to get on this one.

02:59:27.000 He only looks for happy things.

02:59:28.000 He likes flowers.

02:59:29.000 Different personality for different computers.

02:59:31.000 What's the best lawnmower?

02:59:32.000 This is Mr. Dirty.

02:59:33.000 This is what I really like. 0.90

02:59:34.000 I like this one.

02:59:34.000 What's the best organic fertilizer that doesn't hurt the environment?

02:59:41.000 You do got your own fucking computers. 1.00

02:59:43.000 If you didn't live in LA, where would you live? 1.00

02:59:45.000 And if we all moved together, where should we go?

02:59:48.000 Two questions.

02:59:49.000 Either...

02:59:50.000 Well, it's got to be somewhere where there's no state income tax. 1.00

02:59:52.000 Because you're tired of this shit. 1.00

02:59:54.000 Tired of this bullshit. 1.00

02:59:55.000 But what if you start making more money and you don't give a fuck anymore? 1.00

02:59:57.000 Yeah, but still, it's kind of like, why am I paying any more money than the fucking government? 0.99

03:00:00.000 So that there's plenty of homeless people around. 0.97

03:00:03.000 Okay.

03:00:03.000 Duh.

03:00:04.000 Alright, fine.

03:00:04.000 Someone's gonna fix the streets, too.

03:00:06.000 Are they?

03:00:07.000 I don't know.

03:00:07.000 When are they gonna start?

03:00:08.000 Looks good.

03:00:09.000 That's why a lot of athletes operate out of Florida.

03:00:11.000 I drove here today and it didn't bother me at all.

03:00:13.000 Yeah, you live so close to here.

03:00:15.000 You live on the roof.

03:00:17.000 Athletes live in Florida because of low income taxes.

03:00:20.000 No state income taxes.

03:00:20.000 They operate their businesses out of there.

03:00:22.000 Which is why OJ's there.

03:00:23.000 Like, they can't get you if you owe money.

03:00:26.000 Florida can't get you?

03:00:27.000 Yeah, you can hide in Florida if you owe money.

03:00:29.000 Really?

03:00:29.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

03:00:30.000 It's one of them weird ones.

03:00:31.000 Do I have Trump nationals down there? 0.99

03:00:32.000 Well, I think that's like pensions and shit. 0.99

03:00:34.000 Like, they can't take away your pensions. 0.95

03:00:36.000 Right, they probably have some weird, like, union restriction law that they can't touch your stuff.

03:00:39.000 I think, I don't really, I don't know if I could live in Florida, but...

03:00:42.000 Yeah, you could.

03:00:43.000 Yeah?

03:00:43.000 Yeah, you would just mock it.

03:00:45.000 Me and John Travolta, and he lives in Ocala or whatever?

03:00:48.000 Right next door to him. 0.97

03:00:49.000 He'd always offer massages and shit, and he'd be like, nah, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. 0.99

03:00:54.000 You want to jump on a plane? 0.99

03:00:54.000 Let's fly together. 0.99

03:00:56.000 That's you and me, just fly. 1.00

03:00:57.000 Fuck. 1.00

03:00:58.000 I don't know, man. 1.00

03:00:58.000 John Travolta wants to be my friend. 1.00

03:01:00.000 Do you think he just wants to be my friend?

03:01:01.000 He's just a buddy.

03:01:02.000 He's a good guy.

03:01:03.000 He's got a plane.

03:01:03.000 Let's go flying.

03:01:04.000 Oh no, we have to land in the water.

03:01:06.000 We'll have to hold each other for warmth for a while.

03:01:08.000 Oh, how long?

03:01:09.000 For like four days, maybe?

03:01:10.000 It's better if I'm inside you and keep you warmer from the inside. 1.00

03:01:12.000 If my dick's in your ass, they might come rescue us faster. 1.00

03:01:14.000 My penis runs very hot. 1.00

03:01:15.000 I know it sounds crazy, but it's the difference between life and death. 1.00

03:01:19.000 You've got to put it inside. 1.00

03:01:20.000 If you put your mouth in my penis, you'll see. 1.00

03:01:22.000 It's like over 100 degrees. 1.00

03:01:23.000 It'll warm us up.

03:01:24.000 Well, you can blow me up and then ride me as we float away.

03:01:27.000 Blow me up like a balloon.

03:01:30.000 This plane crash scenario with John Travolta.

03:01:33.000 I don't know where I would live.

03:01:34.000 Probably.

03:01:34.000 I mean, Chicago's an easy answer.

03:01:36.000 I really want to move back to Chicago.

03:01:37.000 Really?

03:01:37.000 Do you?

03:01:38.000 Yeah, I love it.

03:01:38.000 You don't mind the winters?

03:01:40.000 You bond.

03:01:41.000 Something about the bonding that happens in the winter in Chicago.

03:01:43.000 I believe that too.

03:01:44.000 You have like a cultural bond with people, man. 0.96

03:01:46.000 There's nothing better than going to a bar in the winter in Chicago when it's fucking gross and sad and cold and sad and everyone is having a good time. 0.88

03:01:52.000 Everyone wants to be together in these moments. 0.97

03:01:54.000 It's true.

03:01:55.000 But you don't want to live in the south side where the bullets are going off left and right. 1.00

03:01:59.000 I look nowhere near that shit. 1.00

03:02:01.000 No way. 1.00

03:02:01.000 How do they stop that? 1.00

03:02:02.000 I was talking to a guy who was a cop, and he was telling me that they arrested certain gang members, like certain people that are running the gangs, gang leaders, and they created a power vacuum, and then they started fighting, and then it got even more chaotic.

03:02:15.000 Got way worse.

03:02:16.000 The cops have tried to work with gangs over the years in a million different ways to try to, like...

03:02:20.000 Curb the violence.

03:02:21.000 They did it here in Los Angeles.

03:02:22.000 How'd they do it?

03:02:23.000 They have these people that are like these community organizers who run the neighborhood, and they have these peace talks with these gang leaders to tell them certain ways to operate within the community, because they're like, your kids live here,

03:02:39.000 your girlfriends.

03:02:40.000 So for some reason, I think there's been a lot of weird...

03:02:45.000 Cultural movements in LA that have helped, like, you know, Nipsey...

03:02:50.000 Nipsey Hussle.

03:02:50.000 Nipsey Hussle got shot, and I think all these crips showed up with bloods, and other people came together.

03:02:56.000 I think it was this weird coming together of gangs, and this has happened in LA a few different times.

03:03:01.000 Our community organizers kind of started to, like, peel back these walls of, like, we also have to live here.

03:03:05.000 Right.

03:03:05.000 I know you want to function as an organization, but I think Chicago is reckless.

03:03:09.000 I don't think it's...

03:03:10.000 I think it's less about gangs in Chicago.

03:03:12.000 It's more about...

03:03:13.000 Young people with guns who want control. 0.97

03:03:16.000 And I don't think they're all parts of gangs.

03:03:18.000 I just think it's a violent city.

03:03:20.000 It's an angry, violent city.

03:03:22.000 It's a lot of poverty.

03:03:24.000 A lot of poverty.

03:03:25.000 And you lived there most of your life.

03:03:27.000 So what's the consensus thinking of how to fix it?

03:03:33.000 I don't know, man.

03:03:34.000 I wish I felt like I knew what would help that kind of stuff. 0.98

03:03:39.000 But I'm just a fucking white guy from the north side, you know? 0.99

03:03:41.000 Like, the majority of these people are black. 1.00

03:03:43.000 The majority of the south side is black. 0.99

03:03:45.000 And the majority of the violence and the crime that happens in that community is driven around these pockets of the south side. 0.95

03:03:52.000 I have no relatability.

03:03:53.000 That's the problem.

03:03:54.000 Right, but what do they think is the way to fix it? 1.00

03:03:56.000 Shit, I don't fucking know. 0.99

03:03:57.000 Look, if you were the king of the world, what would you do to fix the crime on the south side for the last thing that we talk about on this podcast? 1.00

03:04:03.000 The last thing that I would do, if it was me, if I really tried to fix it?

03:04:07.000 The king of the world.

03:04:10.000 President Santino.

03:04:11.000 If I could put some more money in there, get some programs in there, start helping people.

03:04:14.000 I don't know what it is.

03:04:15.000 I don't know what the specific thing is.

03:04:16.000 Typical liberal.

03:04:17.000 You think it's going to be fixed with money. 1.00

03:04:19.000 These motherfuckers. 1.00

03:04:20.000 And they wonder why Trump won. 1.00

03:04:21.000 Well, they always say, like, what, are you going to take away the guns?

03:04:23.000 Nah.

03:04:24.000 Mega!

03:04:24.000 Never going to take away the guns.

03:04:25.000 That's never going to work.

03:04:26.000 Yeah.

03:04:27.000 You've got to make some kind of program that helps people function.

03:04:30.000 I don't know what it is.

03:04:31.000 I'm not that smart.

03:04:32.000 I'm not that smart.

03:04:33.000 But I do think there's a way to fix it.

03:04:35.000 But I do think there's also a lot of young kids who get guns in Chicago and they kill people.

03:04:41.000 It's going to be a slow process of change.

03:04:43.000 It'll take forever. 1.00

03:04:44.000 Obama couldn't do shit. 1.00

03:04:45.000 And he's from Chicago. 1.00

03:04:46.000 Yeah, a lot of those community organizers in Chicago were mad at him.

03:04:49.000 Because he didn't fix anything. 0.97

03:04:50.000 Yeah, because people in the black community were like, you promised you would fucking help a little bit. 0.99

03:04:53.000 And then it... 0.99

03:04:54.000 Look, this is the first year I think we've had a dip in murders in Chicago.

03:04:58.000 And we're coming up on the summer, so we'll see.

03:05:00.000 The summer's party time, baby.

03:05:01.000 You sound like a Theo Vaughn bit.

03:05:03.000 We'll see.

03:05:04.000 We'll see.

03:05:05.000 People got guns, man. 1.00

03:05:06.000 Andrew Santino, let's wrap this bitch up. 1.00

03:05:08.000 Bring it home. 1.00

03:05:09.000 Cheeto Santino on the Instagram and on the Twitter.

03:05:14.000 AndrewSantino.com.

03:05:15.000 That's my website. 1.00

03:05:15.000 That's your motherfucking website. 1.00

03:05:17.000 Come see me. 1.00

03:05:18.000 He will be in Las Vegas this weekend at Jimmy Kimmel's Comedy Club.

03:05:23.000 Brothers and sisters.

03:05:25.000 And then next weekend...

03:05:27.000 Two weekends at Raleigh's.

03:05:28.000 Two weekends in a row?

03:05:29.000 No, no, no.

03:05:29.000 I'm saying...

03:05:30.000 In two weekends.

03:05:31.000 Vegas and then...

03:05:31.000 The next weekend.

03:05:32.000 Yes, and the following.

03:05:33.000 And then the following.

03:05:34.000 Then we're in Chicago. 0.99

03:05:35.000 Letting bitches know. 1.00

03:05:36.000 All right. 1.00

03:05:36.000 That's going to be fun as fuck. 1.00

03:05:37.000 Goodbye, everybody. 0.97

03:05:38.000 Until we meet again.

03:05:40.000 Mwah! 0.98

03:05:43.000 Jamie, you pulled up some of the weirdest stuff.

The Joe Rogan Experience - May 08, 2019

Joe Rogan Experience #1293 - Andrew Santino

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