The Joe Rogan Experience - August 16, 2011


Joe Rogan Experience #130 - Duncan Trussell


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 40 minutes

Words per Minute

186.72546

Word Count

29,985

Sentence Count

2,732

Misogynist Sentences

65

Hate Speech Sentences

112


Summary

Duncan Trussell and Joe Rogan talk about cow milk and the weirdest things people have ever sucked on other people's tits and dicks. It's a good one, but it's also really, really long and really weird. Joe also talks about a UFO abduction and how weird it is to be milked by other people and how it's not so weird to be sucked on by other animals and how that's not weird at all, it's really weird to think about it and wonder why people do it and how they do it on TV and why it's so weird and why we should all do it too. Joe also gives us a brief history of goat milk and what it's like to be a goat milker and why he thinks it's weird that people suck on goat tits and other animals' tits and what they do to them and why they like it and why you should do the same to your own tits and udder and other parts of your body and your ass and your balls and your vagina and your dick and your pubes and other bits and balls and all the other parts you have inside of you and you don't even realize it's there and you're not even aware of it and you can do it? The Joe Rogans Experience is brought to you by The Fleshlight and it's a great product that's great and it does it for you and it makes you feel good and it doesn't make you feel better and you get better after you use it and it gives you pleasure and it helps you more than you think you can have more orgasms and you feel like you're getting more pleasure and you deserve it and more and more pleasure from it and they make you more of a life like that you're more of an experience and you have more of your day to you get more of it, you get it, more of that and more of them, you're better than you're just like that, you have it, and you just get it more of you, you just like it, they're better, you, and they're not better, and more, more, you know you're less of it... more of this, more like you, more you, they just more, they have it more, etc, they get it all of that, more than they're more than that, they love it, etc etc, etc. etc, more with it, yay, more love, yeeeee, more things like that.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Record.
00:00:03.000 Hi, sweeties.
00:00:06.000 The Joe Rogan Experience podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight.
00:00:10.000 If you go to joerogan.net and click on the link for...
00:00:13.000 Is that me?
00:00:14.000 How dare I? Click on the link for The Fleshlight and enter in the code name Rogan.
00:00:20.000 Did you say flashlight?
00:00:21.000 Fleshlight.
00:00:21.000 Flesh.
00:00:22.000 Flesh.
00:00:23.000 How dare you?
00:00:24.000 Did I? I didn't hear it.
00:00:26.000 Did I say flashlight?
00:00:27.000 I don't know.
00:00:27.000 I think I said flesh.
00:00:29.000 I'm a little too high to be doing that.
00:00:31.000 I'm gonna be honest with you people out there.
00:00:33.000 I'm a little too high to be doing this commercial.
00:00:35.000 Maybe I'm too high and I heard it.
00:00:36.000 Flashlight.
00:00:37.000 Look, the Fleshlight is an excellent product.
00:00:39.000 This is for real.
00:00:40.000 I'm gonna stray off the script.
00:00:42.000 You know?
00:00:43.000 Everybody needs masturbation.
00:00:45.000 That shit's important.
00:00:46.000 It's important.
00:00:47.000 It seems ridiculous.
00:00:48.000 It's very embarrassing.
00:00:50.000 But it is sexual maintenance.
00:00:51.000 And it's important.
00:00:52.000 And you shoot way bigger loads, in my opinion, with the Fleshlight.
00:00:56.000 You know how I know that it's powerful?
00:00:58.000 How?
00:00:59.000 Because your girlfriend gets mad at it.
00:01:02.000 Exactly, yeah.
00:01:04.000 Now I've lost at least more than one flashlight.
00:01:10.000 It just vanished.
00:01:11.000 No, it got thrown away.
00:01:12.000 Got thrown away.
00:01:13.000 Oh my goodness.
00:01:14.000 How fascinating is that?
00:01:16.000 No pleasure, only me.
00:01:19.000 Only me can pleasure.
00:01:20.000 Not even like a fake part of a person.
00:01:24.000 Not even a fake part.
00:01:27.000 But I think it's more that she's embarrassed that I've got a can with an asshole poking out of it.
00:01:35.000 What does she care, though?
00:01:37.000 I don't know.
00:01:37.000 What does she care?
00:01:38.000 Listen, this is the beginning of the show.
00:01:40.000 Hit the button.
00:01:42.000 Buckle up, bitches.
00:01:43.000 Duncan Trussell's here.
00:01:44.000 We've already had a podcast and a half before we even got started.
00:01:46.000 And we might be too high to talk in public.
00:01:48.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.
00:01:49.000 But we're gonna just give it a fucking country try.
00:01:54.000 Ha ha ha ha!
00:01:59.000 I don't know what a country try is, but goddamn I wish I had it in me.
00:02:03.000 I wish I had some country work ethic.
00:02:05.000 You know, that's dance or something, you know?
00:02:07.000 Country work ethic?
00:02:08.000 Fuck yeah.
00:02:09.000 People talk about a guy that's got a country work ethic, automatically, you know.
00:02:13.000 You mean a man.
00:02:14.000 You want to admire him, yeah.
00:02:15.000 You want to admire some dude who could just shut his fucking mouth and throw some hay around.
00:02:19.000 That's right.
00:02:20.000 There's something about that that's admirable, right?
00:02:22.000 Isn't it?
00:02:22.000 Sure, it's amazing.
00:02:24.000 It's like some Wild West type movie shit.
00:02:27.000 Yeah, that seems like a great life.
00:02:29.000 A guy who gets up early in the morning, just fucking milks cows until he can't walk anymore.
00:02:34.000 At the end of the day, he goes to sleep.
00:02:36.000 Something admirable about that.
00:02:37.000 Have you ever found an udder, Joe?
00:02:39.000 Yes, I think I have.
00:02:40.000 I'm a fair factor.
00:02:41.000 Pretty sure.
00:02:41.000 A goat one.
00:02:42.000 You gotta squeeze it.
00:02:44.000 I don't know if I did it.
00:02:44.000 I might be imagining this.
00:02:46.000 It was so long ago.
00:02:47.000 We had people suck on goat tits.
00:02:49.000 They had to actually suck on it.
00:02:51.000 It was very phallic.
00:02:51.000 It was really weird to watch girls sucking on this tit, like sucking milk off this.
00:02:57.000 The tit looks like a black dick.
00:02:58.000 It looks like a deformed, like a short, fat black dick.
00:03:02.000 And these girls were sucking on these things, pulling milk out of it.
00:03:05.000 Guys were, too.
00:03:06.000 You know, it was, it was, wow.
00:03:08.000 So that goat is experiencing what is essentially a UFO abduction.
00:03:16.000 It's mine, cannot process what's happening.
00:03:19.000 Well, they're used to getting milked, apparently, because they milk them every day.
00:03:23.000 You know, they squeeze on them.
00:03:25.000 Yeah, but imagine having just like these things feeding on you and you don't know why or what they're doing.
00:03:32.000 It's so demonic, right?
00:03:34.000 Trapped in a cage, right?
00:03:37.000 Attached by a collar.
00:03:40.000 I think they were attached by a chain.
00:03:42.000 Trying to make sense.
00:03:43.000 I mean, they must in some way be trying to process what's happening.
00:03:46.000 Oh, and you know what?
00:03:47.000 They were elevated as well.
00:03:48.000 How weird was that?
00:03:49.000 They were up on these platforms so that people could get at them with their mouth so they didn't have to go under them.
00:03:55.000 I'm pretty sure if I remember that correctly.
00:03:57.000 I might be imagining that as well.
00:03:59.000 But I remember being there thinking how bizarre it was that people are sucking on these animal parts on TV, you know?
00:04:07.000 It feels real.
00:04:08.000 If you ever feel a cow one.
00:04:10.000 I just wonder if there's like a lot of gay farmers, you know?
00:04:13.000 What do you mean by it feels real?
00:04:14.000 Like it feels like you're holding something that the only thing that you've ever felt like that before is your dick.
00:04:18.000 So it feels like a dick.
00:04:19.000 It just feels like it's like a flashlight for men.
00:04:22.000 Women.
00:04:23.000 You mean a dildo.
00:04:24.000 Yeah.
00:04:25.000 It is fucking strange that we drink the milk out of other animals.
00:04:29.000 We make them make milk and then we drink it and we sell it and it's super common.
00:04:34.000 Milk.
00:04:34.000 Totally normal.
00:04:35.000 Yeah.
00:04:36.000 It's like we're parasites.
00:04:38.000 We're cow parasites.
00:04:39.000 We extract some of their fluid and we sell it and we add weird shit to it.
00:04:46.000 We put chocolate in it.
00:04:47.000 But apparently a lot of people believe that eating dairy is not healthy for the human body and that You'll feel better.
00:04:55.000 Your energy levels will be better if you just cut dairy out of your life.
00:04:59.000 I've heard that from so many people.
00:05:00.000 There's no way it can't be true.
00:05:02.000 But milk is delicious.
00:05:04.000 And so is ice cream.
00:05:05.000 And you can go fuck yourself.
00:05:06.000 I like cheese, you know?
00:05:08.000 I'm not cutting dairy out.
00:05:09.000 I just went to Paris.
00:05:13.000 Did you?
00:05:13.000 Yeah.
00:05:14.000 Did you, Duncan?
00:05:14.000 And I got super stoned.
00:05:16.000 How'd you get stoned in Paris?
00:05:18.000 I'll talk about it after the podcast.
00:05:20.000 You don't want to mention it on the podcast?
00:05:21.000 No.
00:05:22.000 No, good move.
00:05:22.000 Good move.
00:05:23.000 Just a friend out in Paris.
00:05:25.000 Wow, that's nice.
00:05:26.000 Lucky break.
00:05:27.000 But weed is illegal in Paris?
00:05:29.000 How illegal is it?
00:05:30.000 I don't know.
00:05:30.000 I was standing next to someone openly smoking hash in the subway.
00:05:33.000 Really?
00:05:34.000 Yeah.
00:05:34.000 So I don't know how illegal.
00:05:36.000 I don't think anyone...
00:05:36.000 I don't know.
00:05:37.000 I have no idea.
00:05:38.000 Wow.
00:05:38.000 But I hadn't eaten there yet, and I was super stoned.
00:05:44.000 And it was the first time I'd ever eaten, like, French cheese.
00:05:49.000 And I almost passed out because it tasted so good.
00:05:52.000 I swear to God, I got a momentary vertigo where I was like, I've been eating prison cafeteria food for my entire life because the food over there is better.
00:06:02.000 Food in Paris is better.
00:06:04.000 It comes straight from the countryside.
00:06:06.000 Right now there are hundreds and thousands of dudes tweeting from all over the country going, why don't you fucking move there then, fag?
00:06:12.000 I would if I could.
00:06:13.000 Really?
00:06:14.000 I've always thought they had the worst food until he said this because I worked at a French restaurant once and it was the worst food ever.
00:06:21.000 Like the lobster bisque or something like that was the only thing that I thought was decent on the whole menu.
00:06:25.000 What is it, like a low-end restaurant?
00:06:27.000 No, it was a nice place.
00:06:29.000 A French place?
00:06:29.000 Yeah.
00:06:30.000 Yeah, I'm not really familiar.
00:06:31.000 I'm not as much of a food aficionado that I could tell you what French food really is.
00:06:37.000 I know there's a place down the street from here I really like that's supposedly French because they have foie gras.
00:06:43.000 That's the French way of saying it, right?
00:06:45.000 Yeah, that's French.
00:06:45.000 It's duck liver.
00:06:46.000 It's delicious.
00:06:47.000 It's rude as fuck.
00:06:49.000 They mouthfuck this poor goose.
00:06:52.000 It's terrible.
00:06:53.000 I mean, they mouthfuck this goose and force-feed him.
00:06:55.000 It's kind of crazy.
00:06:56.000 It's horrible.
00:06:58.000 Horrible thing to eat.
00:06:59.000 What is it, their liver?
00:07:00.000 No.
00:07:00.000 It's their liver mixed in with the shit they spray into them, and it like flavors the liver.
00:07:06.000 Goose liver, that's what it is, right?
00:07:07.000 It flavors the liver so that it tastes really good.
00:07:10.000 It's so good.
00:07:11.000 Here's the weird thing.
00:07:13.000 God, I think this is going to piss everybody off if they're not already mad about me saying French fruit's better, but it is better.
00:07:20.000 Define better.
00:07:21.000 What makes it better?
00:07:25.000 They just use more butters.
00:07:27.000 In France, I've got to imagine it's on another level.
00:07:33.000 It's more intense.
00:07:36.000 I'm trying to think of a great way to explain it.
00:07:39.000 It's like the volume's turned up a little bit more on it.
00:07:41.000 Just flavor-wise?
00:07:42.000 Yeah, the flavor's better.
00:07:44.000 It's like the way they cook at this place that we went to, they were cooking.
00:07:49.000 We ordered this like rib platter for two and they cook this giant slab of meat on an open fire like above a fireplace and you can watch it in the restaurant and the restaurant feels like something Out of like the 1600s or something.
00:08:05.000 And do you know why it feels like that?
00:08:06.000 Because it's been around since the 1600s.
00:08:09.000 Holy shit.
00:08:10.000 It's like old.
00:08:10.000 Everything there is old, old, old, old.
00:08:12.000 So it's like you're in this place where so many human lives have happened.
00:08:17.000 And I'm not saying that's why the food tastes better.
00:08:19.000 Spirits.
00:08:20.000 It's so good, man.
00:08:21.000 It's really good.
00:08:23.000 One thing that I never appreciated, I think, before I started watching that No Reservations show was that...
00:08:31.000 That food, the preparation of food is really an art form.
00:08:34.000 It really, truly is an art form.
00:08:36.000 I mean, I kind of knew that abstractly, and I always, like, appreciated good chefs, but until I watched that show, you see that guy's passion, how he describes food, how addictive it is, you know?
00:08:52.000 What's the word I'm looking for?
00:08:52.000 Not addictive.
00:08:53.000 It's, like, it's...
00:08:56.000 It just gets you hungry.
00:08:58.000 The way he describes things, I never get more hungry than when I'm watching that show.
00:09:03.000 It's like you realize that people who are really badass chefs, all these guys, they all have ideas and thoughts and a method to how they prepare things.
00:09:16.000 And it's so fascinating that it's just to maximize the impact that it has on the palate.
00:09:21.000 And it's this strange art form, the art form of flavor.
00:09:25.000 And I never really appreciated that until I watched that show.
00:09:28.000 And then you see a really well-prepared dish, and you're like, wow, that guy just fucked me up with some crazy crab with squid ink pasta.
00:09:39.000 And you realize that these creations of textures and combinations of flavors, it really is a badass art form.
00:09:45.000 I never appreciated it before.
00:09:47.000 Yeah, and you get this, when you taste something really good like that, you get a glimpse at how there's this spectrum of sense gratification, and some people in some parts of the world have figured out ways to hit the higher ends of it.
00:10:01.000 So if you're only experiencing life at this one spectrum of it, then when you do get something super high-end like that, it's really intense.
00:10:11.000 It's amazing to think people eat like that every day.
00:10:14.000 And also, the weird thing about a lot of people in Paris...
00:10:17.000 They fucking eat so much.
00:10:19.000 And they eat all day long.
00:10:20.000 It seems like everything there is about eating or going out to eat with your friends.
00:10:24.000 And it's this very serious ritual.
00:10:26.000 Like when you go to a restaurant, it has the same energy of like, you feel like you're in an air traffic control tower.
00:10:34.000 People are eating in this serious way.
00:10:36.000 It's like they're taking in an art or listening to a symphony in some of these restaurants.
00:10:41.000 Not all of them, but some of them.
00:10:42.000 It's intense.
00:10:43.000 And there's like...
00:10:44.000 Four waiters.
00:10:45.000 They're dressed like super formally.
00:10:47.000 There's kids being trained since they were like 15 to be waiters.
00:10:51.000 And so it's this cultural, it's embedded into their culture and they've really refined it and it's really fucking cool.
00:10:58.000 But French people, the ones we see, you don't see fat people there.
00:11:02.000 They're eating all the fucking time, but most of them are thin.
00:11:05.000 Most of them seem like they're in shape.
00:11:07.000 It's really weird.
00:11:08.000 How do they do that?
00:11:09.000 People say because there's no preservatives in the food.
00:11:11.000 They eat, like, pure food that comes straight from the countryside.
00:11:14.000 That's what people say.
00:11:15.000 I mean, I'd heard all this stuff, by the way, I'd heard it before I went.
00:11:19.000 I read it.
00:11:19.000 The food there's better.
00:11:21.000 People are, like, thin.
00:11:22.000 People are living life.
00:11:23.000 And I was extremely skeptical.
00:11:26.000 Like, whatever.
00:11:27.000 It's that Buddhist quote.
00:11:28.000 I think I've said it on here.
00:11:29.000 Some people will tell you, this place is better than that place.
00:11:32.000 This country is better than this country.
00:11:34.000 There's smarter people here than there.
00:11:36.000 But I say to you, the whole world is on fire.
00:11:40.000 Everywhere you go, people are consumed with the same fears and worries, and it's all the same.
00:11:45.000 The Buddha did not eat ribs in fucking Paris, because that place is different.
00:11:51.000 It's better.
00:11:53.000 It's fucking nice, man.
00:11:55.000 The subway signs, they all look like the lettering, the font that they use in absinthe bottles.
00:12:00.000 Oh, wow.
00:12:01.000 Yeah, it's fucking trippy and cool, and I'll shut up about Paris, because I must sound like an asshole.
00:12:07.000 But we, uh, you know about the catacombs of Paris?
00:12:10.000 Yeah.
00:12:10.000 No, you were describing this to me.
00:12:12.000 This is the most scariest shit I've ever seen in my life that I did not know existed, and there's more than one.
00:12:17.000 I saw photos once of a church, but just explain to everybody what it is.
00:12:22.000 So, underneath Paris, basically, and I don't know the exact history behind this, but what happened is, I think because of the Black Plague, Everyone starts dying.
00:12:32.000 They're having these mass die-offs, and they ran out of room in the cemeteries.
00:12:37.000 So they had to dig up all the bones from the cemeteries surrounding Paris, and they took them under Paris into these limestone quarries and created these things called ossuaries, which are these open-air crypts.
00:12:51.000 And someone has gone in basically, so to get there, you go down these winding steps that go down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down to a point where you start feeling like you're going crazy because you just keep seeing more steps and more steps and more steps and more steps and your mind starts saying you are going deep deep underground like we're talking like out of breath on the stair master steps like way down to the the
00:13:21.000 quarries under the city And you sort of walk around and then suddenly you come out into hallways of bones, just Yellowed old French bones that someone has stacked into patterns like crucifixes and it looks like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre house when you go in the movie where they have bone sculptures everywhere.
00:13:43.000 It's like that.
00:13:44.000 They've just someone just took like a shitload of femurs and it's like I think I could make a crucifix out of this and like so there's a cross in the middle there's stacks of skulls.
00:13:55.000 They say there's nine million skeletons down there.
00:13:58.000 Nine million.
00:14:00.000 So nine million lives are completely anonymous now.
00:14:06.000 No one knows who the fuck they are.
00:14:07.000 All you see is just, there's no names.
00:14:10.000 There's not a wall listing who's down there.
00:14:12.000 It's just row upon row upon row of skulls and skulls.
00:14:16.000 And I swear to God.
00:14:18.000 It's got to be the worst job on the planet.
00:14:20.000 I passed this French kid whose job is to sit in a lawn chair down there and observe people to make sure they don't steal bones.
00:14:27.000 And I walked by the kid and he was like pale and sick because it's damp down there and it kind of sounded like he was talking to himself in French.
00:14:36.000 He kind of seemed out of his mind.
00:14:37.000 He just sits in bones all day.
00:14:39.000 Best place to rape ever though, right?
00:14:41.000 If you're going to rape and murder somebody, take them down there.
00:14:44.000 That'd be perfect.
00:14:45.000 Well, it gets weirder.
00:14:47.000 So, as it turns out, under Paris, the catacombs that the tourists are in, that's only a fraction of the catacombs.
00:14:53.000 There is miles and miles and miles of winding catacombs.
00:14:58.000 One of our waiters told us that people go down there, and they get lost, and they find them down there, and they've starved to death in the fucking catacombs.
00:15:07.000 Oh my god.
00:15:08.000 You fucking die.
00:15:09.000 You get lost.
00:15:11.000 You go down there in the dark, the flashlight runs out, no one's coming down there, and you're fucking dead.
00:15:17.000 Oh my god.
00:15:19.000 It gets even weirder.
00:15:20.000 These fucking French police.
00:15:21.000 It's on the internet.
00:15:22.000 Jesus!
00:15:22.000 I'm just freaking out and thinking about dying that way.
00:15:26.000 Could you imagine?
00:15:27.000 Your fucking flashlight goes out.
00:15:29.000 And it's so far down, too.
00:15:30.000 Oh my god.
00:15:31.000 It's like a basement of earth.
00:15:33.000 Just that last moment of light.
00:15:35.000 And then nothing.
00:15:37.000 Blackness.
00:15:39.000 You would start hearing things.
00:15:40.000 Oh my god.
00:15:41.000 You'd start hearing things.
00:15:42.000 Oh my god.
00:15:43.000 You'd start seeing things.
00:15:45.000 They don't send people down there looking for folks.
00:15:48.000 No, not some French mime who got depressed and decided he was going to go down and take a break in the catacomb.
00:15:54.000 Oh my god.
00:15:55.000 So is it open to anyone?
00:15:57.000 Yeah, the Parisian teenagers have their own entrances and they bring turntables and speakers down there and have dance parties.
00:16:06.000 Oh my god.
00:16:08.000 So fucking cool.
00:16:09.000 We want to go down there and take ayahuasca with you, Joe.
00:16:12.000 What the fuck?
00:16:13.000 Could you imagine?
00:16:14.000 What a terrific combination that would be.
00:16:17.000 Oh yeah.
00:16:17.000 You would die, right?
00:16:18.000 Right, yeah.
00:16:18.000 Instant death.
00:16:19.000 Well, you would definitely never be seen again.
00:16:21.000 Right.
00:16:22.000 You'd probably just be absorbed with the energy of what it must have been like to see millions of people just rot in front of you by some incurable disease that was inescapable.
00:16:32.000 And you just had a hope that some of the genetics would carry on, that some people would be able to live through this shit.
00:16:39.000 If you ever get serious about your life, a cure is to see nine million skulls.
00:16:45.000 I'll never do that.
00:16:46.000 Come on, man.
00:16:47.000 Does it really make you less serious about your life?
00:16:50.000 It just lets you know that we're very fortunate that shit's going this way.
00:16:57.000 We're very fortunate we were alive in 2011. We're very fortunate.
00:17:03.000 Just a little while ago, stuff was terrible.
00:17:06.000 Yeah.
00:17:06.000 You know, I joke around about being on stage like when we were in Philly and I was going, do you know why the streets are so narrow around here?
00:17:12.000 Because they were made by people riding fucking horses.
00:17:15.000 Right.
00:17:16.000 Like, wrap your head around that.
00:17:18.000 This city was designed by people who thought, well, we just need a place to put the horses.
00:17:23.000 This is where the horses are going to ride.
00:17:24.000 Like, everybody got around in a fucking city on horses.
00:17:28.000 Well, there's a, you know, there's this thing I just read about this, uh, I think he was an obstetrician.
00:17:35.000 He died in a mental asylum.
00:17:37.000 It was on Reddit.
00:17:37.000 He died in a mental asylum.
00:17:38.000 This was way back.
00:17:39.000 I don't know the exact time, but it was when they still believed in the humors of the body.
00:17:44.000 Their idea of the way the body worked was based on bloodletting.
00:17:48.000 They didn't know that flies...
00:17:52.000 It came from fly eggs.
00:17:53.000 They thought there was something called spontaneous generation, where if you had the right elements in one place, it would produce a fly.
00:18:00.000 They didn't know there were eggs.
00:18:01.000 So they had these really fascinating ways of understanding the universe.
00:18:05.000 What year was this?
00:18:06.000 I don't know the exact year.
00:18:07.000 If you look up spontaneous generation, it'll pop up the year that they believe this.
00:18:12.000 But there was an obstetrician who suddenly came up with this crazy idea.
00:18:19.000 He thought that If doctors washed their hands between handling, like doing an autopsy or handling a dead body and delivering a baby, then maybe the mothers wouldn't die as much as they were dying of this infection called pleurosis.
00:18:38.000 So he's like, we should start maybe washing our hands, guys, after you handle the rotting corpse and then put your hand in that lady's pussy.
00:18:45.000 Why don't you wash your hands?
00:18:48.000 And doctors were like, you're a fucking lunatic.
00:18:53.000 You think if we wash our hands after we handle a corpse and touch a woman's open, dilated pussy that it's going to keep her from getting the infections they've been getting?
00:19:03.000 A gentleman's hands are always clean.
00:19:05.000 That's what the doctor said.
00:19:06.000 No joke.
00:19:07.000 So this guy tried all these experiments and he dropped the death rate in one of these wards where women are giving birth to 1% where it was 30% in other places.
00:19:18.000 And he kept talking.
00:19:19.000 You've got to wash your hands.
00:19:21.000 You wash it with this kind of chemical mix and the people won't die.
00:19:24.000 You should wash your hands.
00:19:25.000 Germs are getting into people, but I don't think they knew what germs were anyway.
00:19:29.000 What did they think it was if they didn't think it was germs?
00:19:32.000 Just poison?
00:19:34.000 Witches, evil witch brew.
00:19:35.000 What did they think it was?
00:19:36.000 I don't know the explanation, but it's really interesting because it's kind of logical.
00:19:40.000 You could see why they would think that, but they couldn't accept the idea that there was microscopic things floating around.
00:19:47.000 Even though I guess you could see them in a microscope, for some reason they really wanted to deny this.
00:19:52.000 In the same way now, when you talk about the idea that there might be ants Whoa.
00:20:12.000 Whoa.
00:20:15.000 That's how gross and infected everything was.
00:20:17.000 He died in an insane asylum?
00:20:19.000 Died out of his mind.
00:20:20.000 Towards the end of his life, they said he got dementia, but I think it was just because he knew that he had discovered this thing, that he proved he could save so many lives and no one would listen to him.
00:20:31.000 Could you imagine, dude, if you were an advanced human and you were stuck in an inadvanced age that just refused to change?
00:20:39.000 Could you imagine if you were a scientist from 2011 and all of a sudden you found yourself in the middle of Spanish Inquisition?
00:20:46.000 Yeah.
00:20:46.000 Where everyone was ridiculous and people were just killing people and it was just insanity.
00:20:53.000 You couldn't talk to anybody.
00:20:55.000 Religious fanaticism completely out of control.
00:20:58.000 Murder and all kinds of crazy shit was going on.
00:21:00.000 Could you imagine?
00:21:00.000 If that was your reality all of a sudden?
00:21:02.000 Religious fanaticism, violent wars raging everywhere, totalitarian presidents, corporations running everything.
00:21:11.000 Speaking of which, did you see this Michelle Bachman lady won the Iowa straw poll?
00:21:16.000 Yeah.
00:21:18.000 Totally.
00:21:19.000 What the fuck is that?
00:21:21.000 Because she's a fucking dominatrix and those Republican boys like to get spanked.
00:21:25.000 We are living in fascinating times.
00:21:28.000 I know.
00:21:29.000 It's ripples like this.
00:21:31.000 Like when you hear things like this, to me they're like boom.
00:21:33.000 Like little ripples on your universe.
00:21:36.000 Like wake up, pay attention, there's a lot more dumb people than you think.
00:21:42.000 A lot more.
00:21:44.000 There's some painfully stupid people in this country.
00:21:48.000 A lot of them.
00:21:49.000 Tons of them.
00:21:50.000 And they can't see that she's dumb because they're way dumber than her.
00:21:54.000 They're way dumber than her.
00:21:55.000 They have no idea she's dumb.
00:21:56.000 They think she's got a good message.
00:21:59.000 They don't mind her crazy eyes.
00:22:01.000 They don't see the crazy eyes.
00:22:02.000 They don't see the gay husband.
00:22:04.000 They don't see him.
00:22:04.000 He seems like a nice fella.
00:22:06.000 He's praying the gay away.
00:22:08.000 Pray the gay away.
00:22:09.000 We're gonna pray the gay away.
00:22:12.000 Pray the gay way.
00:22:13.000 Bunch of men holding hands.
00:22:15.000 We're gonna pray the gay way.
00:22:17.000 In their underwear, hugging each other, shooting loads in their pants.
00:22:21.000 This is a ridiculous institution.
00:22:24.000 You were going to have to learn how to shoot a load in front of men without wanting men.
00:22:30.000 Why is it so hard for people to accept that people are gay?
00:22:33.000 What do you give a fuck?
00:22:35.000 They're gay.
00:22:37.000 So what?
00:22:39.000 Let them enjoy it.
00:22:41.000 If it doesn't affect you, as long as they're not trying to fuck you, who cares?
00:22:44.000 I don't get it.
00:22:46.000 It doesn't make any sense.
00:22:48.000 You're going to pray it away?
00:22:49.000 We're going to pray the gay away.
00:22:52.000 Pray the gay away.
00:22:53.000 But you've got to understand that relationship.
00:22:57.000 Because I think about this relationship between Michelle Bachman and her husband, who's clearly gay.
00:23:01.000 Clearly gay.
00:23:03.000 That's a sex dungeon.
00:23:06.000 That Brian impression is really not that far off.
00:23:10.000 I know.
00:23:10.000 He's so unbelievably gay sounding.
00:23:13.000 He seems gay.
00:23:14.000 He is not gay.
00:23:15.000 I don't know that he's gay for sure, but I do know that he's running a sex dungeon.
00:23:22.000 A sex dungeon?
00:23:23.000 Yeah.
00:23:23.000 You know he is?
00:23:24.000 Absolutely.
00:23:24.000 He's been to us.
00:23:25.000 Is that Pray Away the Gay Clinic?
00:23:27.000 That's a sex dungeon?
00:23:28.000 Yeah, for submissive gay guys.
00:23:30.000 Submissive gay guys go in there.
00:23:33.000 It's like a fetish situation.
00:23:37.000 It's like these married gay guys.
00:23:40.000 Go into this place where an expert says that he's going to use religion to help them overcome being gay.
00:23:49.000 The expert happens to seem like super gay.
00:23:54.000 Like super.
00:23:54.000 Like he should be on the front of his own float in a gay pride parade holding sparklers and like, I don't know, wearing like leather clothes.
00:24:07.000 That's how gay her husband seems, right?
00:24:10.000 But he's in a suit now, and he's talking you in that stereotypical voice.
00:24:15.000 He's saying, we can overcome this thing.
00:24:18.000 James, I need you to tell me, though, every gay sexual encounter that you've ever had.
00:24:25.000 You know that's part of it, you know?
00:24:27.000 Okay, I'll tell ya.
00:24:29.000 You gotta hear it, I'll tell ya, yeah.
00:24:31.000 Once I blew 17 guys at a bear party in New Jersey.
00:24:36.000 Are they alone when this is happening?
00:24:38.000 Is it dark?
00:24:39.000 Yeah, it's dim.
00:24:40.000 It's dim in there.
00:24:41.000 There's candles, Jesus candles.
00:24:43.000 I guarantee that place is covered in pictures of the erotic Jesus, the six-pack Jesus.
00:24:50.000 You ever seen those where Jesus is painted with a six-pack on the cross?
00:24:53.000 Really?
00:24:54.000 He's got like a Jersey Shore situation happening.
00:24:56.000 For real?
00:24:56.000 But he's getting crucified.
00:24:57.000 Oh, there's tons of them!
00:24:58.000 Because it's supposed to be starvation, but we look at it as like, wow.
00:25:01.000 Jesus is ripped.
00:25:03.000 That's like hardcore crunches.
00:25:04.000 That's not starvation.
00:25:05.000 But what happens is a lot of these people back when they were painting those pictures were just artists who were getting paid by the church and they needed to make money, but they liked the male form.
00:25:15.000 And so they were painting like they were making Jesus hot.
00:25:18.000 Sex Jesus.
00:25:19.000 Erotic Jesus.
00:25:20.000 Wow.
00:25:22.000 Christianity, a lot of Christianity is fucking S-N-M. Think about it.
00:25:27.000 The Son of God comes down to the world and what happens?
00:25:30.000 He tells the truth and he gets spanked and a crown of thorns and whipped with lashes and nailed to a fucking cross and everyone's into it.
00:25:38.000 Like, did you see The Passion of the Christ?
00:25:40.000 Yeah.
00:25:41.000 That's an S-N-M movie, man.
00:25:43.000 I've been to the S-N-M clubs.
00:25:44.000 I know what it looks like.
00:25:45.000 They tie guys up to fucking crucifixes and whip them there all the time.
00:25:49.000 That's why I like black Jesus better, the whole theory of him.
00:25:52.000 Yeah, what is the black Jesus theory?
00:25:54.000 Because Jesus was supposedly Sephardic, wasn't he?
00:25:57.000 Wasn't that the idea?
00:25:58.000 I don't know.
00:25:59.000 He's hotter.
00:26:00.000 He's hotter?
00:26:01.000 What I think it goes from is that everything has to start from black, not white.
00:26:05.000 I think it's fascinating that people want to lay claim to something.
00:26:10.000 People want to, like, that black people would go, like, Jesus was black.
00:26:14.000 Like, somehow that makes your life, if Jesus was even real, but it makes your life today in 2011, like, you can lay claim to that.
00:26:21.000 Like, we did that.
00:26:22.000 How annoying is that?
00:26:24.000 Like Italians, we built that.
00:26:26.000 We did that.
00:26:27.000 We did that.
00:26:29.000 It's not really we, dude.
00:26:30.000 We're really in this group together here?
00:26:32.000 Black Jesus holding a baby black child at letsfindjesus.com.
00:26:37.000 Well, hey man, that's just as likely.
00:26:39.000 Black Jesus is just as likely as white Jesus.
00:26:42.000 Both of them are just so squirrely.
00:26:44.000 And so you're just supposed to believe that the dude came back from the dead.
00:26:48.000 And that anybody would write that he would come back from the dead.
00:26:51.000 Anything else that you would read from them would not be equally ridiculous.
00:26:55.000 Because we understand dead now.
00:26:57.000 We understand that now.
00:26:58.000 You're saying that we must discount all scientific knowledge ever.
00:27:04.000 Just because there's an ancient book that says some stuff, and if you go along with it, you have to just assume that this was a one-time thing, and that this one time, these amazing, miraculous things that defy science happened.
00:27:19.000 We just have to assume that these people, who barely could write shit down, were super accurate about it.
00:27:24.000 Like, it's ridiculous!
00:27:25.000 Let's even think one step before that, which is the religion that they've built around this thing that...
00:27:33.000 Based on all scientific evidence is possibly a myth?
00:27:38.000 The religion they based around this character, Jesus, Is nowhere close to the things the character said in the book that they read.
00:27:48.000 Jesus didn't walk around saying you need to go to church.
00:27:51.000 Here's an idea.
00:27:53.000 Build a church and every Sunday go to the church and sit down in an uncomfortable seat and read prayers pre-written from people that you barely understand and then give 10% of your income to this group of people and just trust that they're going to use it in the right way.
00:28:10.000 Jesus never said anything like that.
00:28:13.000 In the New Testament, if you read this stuff, mostly the idea of the thing seems to be, if you love the people around you as much as you can, and if you're tuned into God or the love force of the universe, and you love that too, then you are going to have a great life.
00:28:30.000 That seems to be the message.
00:28:32.000 You don't need a priest.
00:28:33.000 You don't need a church.
00:28:34.000 You don't need anybody.
00:28:35.000 You don't have to follow the rules.
00:28:37.000 At the time, he was in Judaism.
00:28:39.000 There are very strict rules about how you're supposed to live.
00:28:42.000 And he was saying, we don't have to follow these rules.
00:28:44.000 I don't have to do anything that you're saying.
00:28:46.000 I have my own direct connection with the super intelligence, super abundance of the universe.
00:28:50.000 And that's all I need.
00:28:51.000 And so then they killed him.
00:28:53.000 So you've got that.
00:28:55.000 And then what builds up around it?
00:28:58.000 Fucking Michelle Bachman.
00:28:59.000 Pray away the gay just like Jesus wanted.
00:29:02.000 Jesus didn't want somebody sticking their tentacle in somebody's excretory tube.
00:29:08.000 Jesus wanted people straight.
00:29:11.000 Only fucking vaginas.
00:29:12.000 The creator of the universe.
00:29:13.000 It gives them a migraine headache to know on this planet people are sticking their fucking genitals into other people's assholes.
00:29:21.000 How does that get translated from basically the first hippie?
00:29:28.000 Love each other.
00:29:29.000 Tune into the superintelligence.
00:29:31.000 It's really creepy and weird.
00:29:34.000 Well, whenever you have some obscure...
00:29:36.000 I don't want to say obscure, but very difficult to put into modern words statement.
00:29:44.000 Like whenever you read any of the...
00:29:47.000 Any chapters of the Bible, any passages, any things that people quote all the time.
00:29:52.000 There's a lot of the stuff you'll read and you go, whoa, what exactly does that mean?
00:29:55.000 Right.
00:29:55.000 Like, what is it, you know, trying to back up and decipher that into modern language.
00:30:01.000 What was it originally, you know?
00:30:04.000 I mean, we know it all came from ancient Hebrew and then they kind of take it from ancient Hebrew to Latin to Greek.
00:30:10.000 Like, what the fuck was, you know, it's a totally different language.
00:30:13.000 What was the original meaning behind it?
00:30:15.000 Well, you've got, like...
00:30:18.000 But, you know, I used to, when I was in college, take LSD and read the New Testament.
00:30:24.000 And it was the most awesome psychedelic thing ever because you're reading it and you're thinking like, this, no matter what this is, it's shaped so much of society.
00:30:36.000 These words shape so many people's lives.
00:30:39.000 And so just from that alone, it's super psychedelic.
00:30:42.000 But what did it come from?
00:30:43.000 What's the original language?
00:30:45.000 What's it based on?
00:30:46.000 There's all these awesome ideas, you know, because there's a lot of books in the Gospels that didn't make it into the final cut that are equally valid and are far more esoteric and have, like, really weird ideas.
00:31:01.000 I've read stuff that it's based in, like...
00:31:03.000 This form of religion called Gnosticism, which I don't know too much about.
00:31:07.000 I've heard that it's like some weird desert cult called the Essenes or that it's somehow the formulation of all these different desert mysticisms kind of merging into the, you know, they embodied it in the form of this person to transmit this bigger information about the idea that they're,
00:31:23.000 you know, we're all children of some super intelligence and that if we give up our greed and selfishness and Love other people like we love ourselves, then that would create like a, you know, if everyone did that, then we would be living on Paris.
00:31:40.000 This would be utopia.
00:31:41.000 We would be in some kind of super communist, mystical, spiritual state where everyone's completely connected with each other.
00:31:48.000 Like, imagine...
00:31:50.000 Really feeling about everyone around you the same way you feel about yourself.
00:31:54.000 It means don't differentiate other people from your life.
00:31:56.000 No more differentiation.
00:31:57.000 We're all the same.
00:31:59.000 We're all completely connected.
00:32:00.000 We're all children of this universe and so we should treat each other with love.
00:32:06.000 Yeah, that doesn't work with society, though.
00:32:09.000 Unfortunately, there would have to be some gigantic event that got rid of currency or got rid of the idea of competing for currency.
00:32:21.000 As long as people are still competing, competing for job positions, competing their company against other companies, as long as there's capitalism going on, that push for money, that push to make money, You're always going to get this same kind of douchey, cunty, chimp-like behavior.
00:32:40.000 It's a competition.
00:32:42.000 It's obvious, way obvious, that most people are working way harder than is both healthy and is desirable.
00:32:49.000 They're working ridiculous hours and pushing harder than ever because they need more money.
00:32:55.000 They want more money.
00:32:56.000 They need more money.
00:32:57.000 It's like there's a drive, like a fucking...
00:33:00.000 Wild machine behind it.
00:33:02.000 As long as that's there, fuck, man.
00:33:06.000 How are you going to get everybody to just have resources available?
00:33:10.000 Are you going to trust people to work?
00:33:12.000 Are you going to trust everyone to put in their share?
00:33:14.000 All of us are going to trust all of us?
00:33:16.000 And what do we do when someone doesn't?
00:33:18.000 If we're supposed to love them like we love ourselves, are we just supposed to let them just fuck everything up all around them and let them go into super sabotage, spin-out mode where they destroy everything in their vicinity and nobody stops them from doing that?
00:33:31.000 That's like a spoiled child.
00:33:33.000 We've seen that before.
00:33:34.000 Yeah, that's the other crazy aspect of Christianity is it's...
00:33:39.000 Ultra-pacifism.
00:33:40.000 It's like super-pacifism, and the message of the thing was supposed to be, look, this being that they're killing is the physical manifestation of the universe.
00:33:53.000 It could fight back.
00:33:54.000 It could shoot lasers out of its eyes.
00:33:56.000 It's a superhero, but it's letting itself...
00:33:59.000 I don't know why I'm calling Jesus an it, whatever.
00:34:01.000 It's letting itself get killed to give a message, and the message is this.
00:34:07.000 There are some things that are more important than life.
00:34:09.000 And if you want to get caught up in this dimension and you want to save your body, you want to try to save your body, go ahead.
00:34:16.000 It's going to die no matter what.
00:34:17.000 You're dead meat.
00:34:18.000 There's no way you're going to make it through this dimension.
00:34:21.000 No one makes it out alive, whatever Jim Morrison said.
00:34:25.000 No one gets out of this alive.
00:34:27.000 We all die.
00:34:27.000 So if you want to focus and fixate on protecting yourself, fine.
00:34:32.000 But the idea is that you're supposed to completely surrender to this energy.
00:34:38.000 And once you really make that move, which they say is an act of faith, which I mean...
00:34:45.000 By the way, this is purely speculation.
00:34:48.000 I have not given my heart to Jesus.
00:34:51.000 But I think about, you know, what would happen if you did just become completely...
00:34:57.000 Everyone.
00:34:57.000 Yeah.
00:34:58.000 What would that be?
00:34:59.000 I mean, obviously, it's not possible.
00:35:03.000 Right.
00:35:03.000 But why?
00:35:05.000 And who would make cars?
00:35:07.000 And how would there be competition?
00:35:09.000 How would there be any form of capitalism the way we have it right now?
00:35:14.000 How would our society, the monetary system, how would it be set up the way it is?
00:35:19.000 It wouldn't be.
00:35:20.000 It couldn't be.
00:35:20.000 It's impossible.
00:35:21.000 Well, not the way it is now, no.
00:35:21.000 It couldn't exist.
00:35:23.000 The church couldn't exist.
00:35:24.000 Society couldn't exist.
00:35:25.000 So how would we revamp it?
00:35:27.000 How would we put it all into perspective, put it all into order?
00:35:31.000 How would we ensure that everyone follows along with it?
00:35:35.000 Is that the next stage of evolution?
00:35:38.000 Is the next stage of evolution the idea that people have gotten to a point technologically where we can start to join together as one thing again?
00:35:47.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:35:48.000 Like that there had to be a certain peak of competition.
00:35:51.000 To get us to a point where we have created some really boundary dissolving technology and when that point happens then through that very technology as in the internet people slowly start to assimilate to some level of understanding and awareness that wasn't previously achieved because there was this constant state of Competition to try to get to that technological point.
00:36:18.000 And that's where you run into a problem.
00:36:20.000 Because once you start getting to that state that you're talking about, and I think a lot of people are.
00:36:25.000 Aren't we at it right now?
00:36:26.000 Yeah.
00:36:26.000 We are, right?
00:36:27.000 Yeah.
00:36:27.000 And that's when you get to that state and suddenly you're in Egypt.
00:36:31.000 Because you're starting to understand about what's going on and you're getting this information from the internet, showing you what other people in other parts of the world, how they're living.
00:36:41.000 The point is suddenly, like, a lot of shit starts seeming really, like, we've been asked to believe a lot of stuff.
00:36:50.000 Kind of like you ask your kids to believe a lot of stuff when they're growing up, and you do it to keep them safe.
00:36:55.000 You tell them these stories, and you want them to believe it.
00:36:57.000 But eventually, your kid knows that whatever story you told them about where the baby is coming from isn't completely real, and your kid's going to start wanting to know the truth.
00:37:09.000 And then at that age, you tell your kid the truth, and it's uncomfortable or whatever you would tell them the truth.
00:37:13.000 But now, it's like we still have kings.
00:37:17.000 We have kings and queens.
00:37:18.000 They're still serious kings.
00:37:21.000 And you're expecting people to keep believing this king is any more special than anyone else?
00:37:26.000 Like, okay, you want me to keep buying this thing about the king, about how he gets to wear the throne and gets to have the giant fucking mansion that he lives in and all this property he lives in because he's a king and he's in the bloodline of some what?
00:37:38.000 What are you talking about?
00:37:39.000 We're all the same, man!
00:37:41.000 I gotta keep playing this fucking masquerade party with you and believe you're a king?
00:37:45.000 How much longer do I have to do this?
00:37:46.000 Because I'm hungry!
00:37:48.000 You know?
00:37:48.000 It's like that kind of stuff where people are like, okay, so you're a president?
00:37:53.000 Oh, I get it.
00:37:54.000 Okay, so I guess I'm supposed to believe that there's a government which is mostly just like, what, 120 old men in a room?
00:38:01.000 I'm supposed to believe they're the ones who know how to do everything and that system's the right way?
00:38:04.000 And it's like, all that stuff starts, you know, spreading where people are like, I don't know if I can believe the whole you're a cop, I'm a person thing.
00:38:11.000 It's getting kind of hard for me.
00:38:13.000 I mean, I believe it because you got a billy club and you're fucking...
00:38:16.000 Beating my friend in a wheelchair to death, but I'm not sure if you really represent the real authority of the world.
00:38:23.000 And so that kind of stuff starts emerging and emerging as people evolve, and the authority in the world is like, fuck, you gotta believe the game!
00:38:31.000 If you don't believe this fucking game, we don't know what to do.
00:38:34.000 What are we gonna do?
00:38:35.000 We can't just reformat everything all of a sudden.
00:38:37.000 So do you think that law enforcement almost inhibits evolution by creating this culture where people are getting constantly in trouble with things?
00:38:46.000 Yeah.
00:38:46.000 You know what law enforcement, a lot of law enforcement is?
00:38:48.000 It's delivery drivers for the prison industrial complex.
00:38:52.000 They deliver fucking bags of gold to the prisons, drop them off at the door, and they fucking make so much money.
00:38:58.000 I think we need cops.
00:38:59.000 We need cops.
00:39:01.000 No question about it.
00:39:02.000 Watch that Richard Pryor joke about, like...
00:39:05.000 Well, we need prisons.
00:39:06.000 Have you ever seen that?
00:39:07.000 So funny, but we need...
00:39:09.000 There are aspects and elements of society that need to be in a cage.
00:39:14.000 Yes, absolutely.
00:39:15.000 But, you know, you don't need to be in a cage for smoking pot.
00:39:18.000 You don't need to be in a cage for taking acid or taking mushrooms.
00:39:21.000 You don't need to be in a cage because you told people that the military was using fucking military choppers to gun down reporters and you had the balls to tell that to the world.
00:39:31.000 That's no reason to put someone in a cage.
00:39:33.000 So it's like, at some point, a certain number of people realize, okay, this is like a kid's game.
00:39:39.000 This is a game of make-believe that went way too far.
00:39:42.000 And I don't feel like doing this game of make-believe anymore because it's destroying the planet.
00:39:47.000 So we've got to come up with a new game that works.
00:39:50.000 How are you going to convince those 60 or 120 old fucking drooling men shitting their pants, getting payoffs from the tobacco companies, writing bullshit laws without hesitation?
00:40:01.000 How are you going to convince them, like, you know what?
00:40:05.000 Do you guys mind going home?
00:40:07.000 And we're going to get some young people in here because they understand the world.
00:40:12.000 We do understand the world, but we don't understand the economic system.
00:40:16.000 Yeah, I know.
00:40:17.000 I'm sure some young people do.
00:40:18.000 There's young people right now protesting, listening, saying, I know, I understand it.
00:40:22.000 Correct.
00:40:23.000 Look, I know.
00:40:24.000 I don't.
00:40:24.000 I don't understand it.
00:40:25.000 All I understand is like that video.
00:40:27.000 Did you see that video I sent you today?
00:40:28.000 Did you watch that fucking thing?
00:40:29.000 What did you send me?
00:40:30.000 Oh, it's a Marine who is like, you know, he starts off and kind of dramatically rips off his fucking medals.
00:40:38.000 And he's like, I'm not going to do it anymore.
00:40:40.000 And then he just starts going into graphic...
00:40:43.000 Depictions of the different innocent people he killed when he was in Iraq.
00:40:46.000 Oh my God.
00:40:47.000 And how like the Marines act completely different when there's embedded with them a reporter than they do.
00:40:53.000 Now is this real?
00:40:55.000 I didn't investigate it.
00:40:56.000 I hope it's not real.
00:40:57.000 I hope it seemed very real.
00:40:59.000 He talked about how his squad commander, whatever it's called, said that he would congratulate them on their first kill.
00:41:07.000 And he said, whichever one are you.
00:41:10.000 Makes your first kill by stabbing someone to death?
00:41:13.000 I'm giving you four days leave.
00:41:16.000 And like, it's like that kind of shit.
00:41:18.000 Like, how are you gonna convince those guys that, you know, we should all just love each other?
00:41:24.000 Maybe Daryl?
00:41:26.000 How do you stop it?
00:41:27.000 You don't.
00:41:28.000 You can't.
00:41:29.000 There's no way to stop it.
00:41:30.000 There's no way to stop it unless somebody invents something that I think would change the world, and I'd be glad to tell you what it is.
00:41:36.000 What is it?
00:41:38.000 A genetic scientist.
00:41:41.000 Needs to figure out a way to put LSD into the common cold so that a psychedelic experience would spread like a virus through society.
00:41:53.000 Whoa.
00:41:54.000 But the problem with it is you'd have to figure out a way to design it so the tolerance is really huge so a person only gets it once.
00:42:02.000 Oh, that's the problem with it.
00:42:06.000 Maybe there's a doctor out there.
00:42:07.000 He's like, the problem with it is, I think there's several problems with that.
00:42:11.000 Well, there's some other problems, I suppose.
00:42:13.000 It's not really up to you to decide whether people should be getting dosed.
00:42:16.000 Are you trying to invent this right now in your house?
00:42:18.000 Yeah, right.
00:42:19.000 I'm not a chemist.
00:42:20.000 I'm just throwing it out there.
00:42:22.000 Oh my God, you threw it out there.
00:42:23.000 You really did, you fuck.
00:42:25.000 Yeah, way to go.
00:42:25.000 Somebody might be actually thinking about this.
00:42:27.000 Well, I mean, what?
00:42:28.000 So look, here's the idea.
00:42:29.000 So, okay, so let's just keep running things the way they're running.
00:42:33.000 No, I don't think that's going on either, man.
00:42:35.000 I think you're just not happy with the pace that things are accelerating to.
00:42:39.000 I don't think you can genetically engineer it on your own.
00:42:42.000 Or can you?
00:42:43.000 Maybe that's what you're there for.
00:42:44.000 Maybe the guy who does that, that really is his purpose in the evolutionary chain.
00:42:49.000 He was supposed to step in and just see a new leap that others weren't willing to take.
00:42:56.000 And so he dragged everyone along and he was responsible for the next hiccup in evolution.
00:43:00.000 Yeah.
00:43:00.000 I just gave someone a manifesto.
00:43:02.000 How about that?
00:43:03.000 There's some fucking dude living in one of those loft apartments where you can drive your car up in an elevator and he's by himself right now carving his blade of his knife.
00:43:12.000 Invest in tie-dye and Hendrix now.
00:43:14.000 Okay.
00:43:15.000 Well, that's an interesting fucking idea, that someone could engineer a virus that would induce a psychedelic state.
00:43:22.000 Yeah, or some kind of state.
00:43:24.000 Is that possible?
00:43:25.000 I have no idea.
00:43:26.000 It seems like if it could affect your body the way some colds can affect your body, they should be able to engineer something that could affect your brain.
00:43:36.000 Something that is a byproduct, it creates a tryptamine effect.
00:43:40.000 When you think about it, man, when you do MDMA and the next day, you sort of feel like you came down from a cold.
00:43:46.000 You sort of feel like you had a cold.
00:43:49.000 Like your body was fighting something.
00:43:50.000 Unless you just roll off.
00:43:52.000 Does that stuff work?
00:43:53.000 Yeah, it does work.
00:43:54.000 It doesn't really work, though.
00:43:55.000 It's not like it doesn't want to completely bring you to 100%.
00:43:58.000 I haven't done much.
00:44:00.000 Well, I haven't done MDMA much or molly or whatever it's called much, but I did it once without having that and then once with having it and it was a totally big difference.
00:44:11.000 There was no hangover at all like the next day.
00:44:13.000 And it's just like you take it before you do it and then after right before you go to bed.
00:44:17.000 Roll on and roll off.
00:44:19.000 So you really didn't feel anything funky?
00:44:23.000 No, I mean you're going to probably have a hangover no matter what, but I definitely felt way better than the last time I did.
00:44:29.000 I hate that feeling so much.
00:44:31.000 I only did that stuff once because of that feeling.
00:44:33.000 It was too much.
00:44:35.000 That feeling was too terrible.
00:44:37.000 I was in a coffee shop the next day and I bought a magazine with me.
00:44:41.000 And I was sitting there drinking a cup of coffee trying to read this magazine.
00:44:44.000 I couldn't read.
00:44:45.000 Couldn't focus.
00:44:46.000 Couldn't focus on the words.
00:44:48.000 Couldn't put my head into a paragraph.
00:44:50.000 Couldn't do it.
00:44:51.000 And I was like, oh, this is terrible.
00:44:53.000 This is a terrible, terrible place for your brain to be.
00:44:57.000 And I went on stage and I felt that it was like 80%.
00:44:59.000 Even though I hit all the beats right, I did all my material correctly, I felt like I was only like 80% right.
00:45:08.000 Like my brain was just not capable of totally connecting to the material.
00:45:14.000 You know how it is when you're in the groove, when you're on stage.
00:45:18.000 You're totally connected to the material.
00:45:21.000 You know where the beats are.
00:45:23.000 You feel it.
00:45:24.000 You're in the jokes.
00:45:25.000 You're in there.
00:45:26.000 You're totally in the moment.
00:45:28.000 But sometimes not.
00:45:29.000 And this time, I just could not force myself into it.
00:45:32.000 I was saying everything correctly, but I couldn't quite keep up with it.
00:45:36.000 I was like, this is terrible for your brain.
00:45:38.000 I've never had that feeling before.
00:45:40.000 It's like a feeling of a dullness, like a dying battery.
00:45:46.000 It felt awful.
00:45:47.000 Yeah, I hate it.
00:45:48.000 It's not worth it.
00:45:49.000 But I did learn a lot when I did it, man.
00:45:52.000 Boy, I got a big lesson about insecurity.
00:45:57.000 That's the thing that hit me the most.
00:46:00.000 God, if everybody was in some sort of a way, the way people are during an acid trip or an MDMA trip, you never would have to worry about fights ever again.
00:46:17.000 brain can be engineered to operate at those RPMs on a regular basis.
00:46:21.000 Because now the idea is that you take this MDMA, you take ecstasy, whatever the fuck it is, and it makes you high for a brief moment and then brings you down But what if the mind could sustain those levels of those chemicals on a regular basis?
00:46:39.000 I mean, is that not possible?
00:46:42.000 Why would anyone assume we could not evolve to that?
00:46:45.000 If we've come to this point from some shit-throwing, you know, tree-swinging little monkey people, If that's what we used to be, and we've come this far, we can't take that other leap to have the levels of chemicals in our brains operate so that you would be like you were on ecstasy all the time.
00:47:05.000 That would be the way to engineer a loving culture.
00:47:10.000 Because I did not feel stupid when I was on it, which was very amazing that I could think very clearly.
00:47:16.000 But I remember thinking, wow, how silly are my insecurities?
00:47:21.000 Imagine like another universe where instead of building an atomic bomb, Einstein or these scientists had come up with these theories and physics of a way to create, like, some kind of device that blasts pure love into people so that when it goes off, the city that it's in, everyone in the city gets filled with, like, as though you were on the best ecstasy on the planet, that level of love.
00:47:49.000 So you're at war with a country, and instead of destroying them, you're just blasting them with love chemicals so that there's no way that they can...
00:47:57.000 He's going to poison a big population of people with acid, aren't you?
00:48:01.000 You keep setting yourself up as that guy.
00:48:04.000 You're Johnny Appleseed.
00:48:07.000 Ah, Bert Kreiser, get out of here.
00:48:09.000 I think I actually said Johnny Appleseed incorrectly, right?
00:48:11.000 Didn't we ever discuss who Johnny Appleseed is on the podcast?
00:48:14.000 Yeah, you didn't think it existed.
00:48:15.000 What did he do again?
00:48:16.000 He spread out apples throughout the Midwest.
00:48:18.000 You couldn't be...
00:48:19.000 You would be the Johnny Appleseed of...
00:48:21.000 Ecstasy?
00:48:22.000 Of ecstasy.
00:48:23.000 You know, I think that would be a great claim to fame, but I'm not going to...
00:48:29.000 Like, I really obviously would never poison people, even if I had the opportunity, but at some point...
00:48:35.000 You know, drastic measures have to be taken.
00:48:38.000 That's what I'm saying.
00:48:39.000 Listen to what you're saying.
00:48:41.000 You're saying that you're not comfortable with the speed at which evolution is happening.
00:48:45.000 It's obvious that people are evolving, but you're not comfortable that people haven't reached your level yet, so your fucking solution is to engineer some way to poison them.
00:48:54.000 Let me just say.
00:48:55.000 Some way to dose them.
00:48:56.000 You're going to use them as guinea pigs.
00:48:58.000 Let me tell you this.
00:48:59.000 And I'm for it.
00:49:00.000 I'm for it, too.
00:49:01.000 It's not mine.
00:49:02.000 Are you for it?
00:49:03.000 I think if it was 100% safe.
00:49:07.000 Really?
00:49:07.000 Yeah, but they would have to be all kids and black kids.
00:49:11.000 Just kidding, I would not be for it.
00:49:13.000 But what if it wasn't 100% safe?
00:49:16.000 What if it was 80% safe?
00:49:17.000 Listen, man, you can't tell people they have to dig acid, alright?
00:49:21.000 Some people are happy as fuck living a simple life.
00:49:25.000 And that is their prerogative.
00:49:28.000 This is a temporary experience.
00:49:30.000 And just because you see some great depth into it doesn't mean you can impose those ideals on other people that love a simple life.
00:49:37.000 There's people out there that genuinely like country music.
00:49:40.000 They like feeding animals and they like making fucking sweet potato pie.
00:49:44.000 And that's cool.
00:49:44.000 They're called my parents.
00:49:47.000 You can't dose your parents.
00:49:49.000 Try tickling first.
00:49:51.000 Here's the thing.
00:49:51.000 I'm not talking about literally...
00:49:54.000 You are, though.
00:49:56.000 It's never going to happen.
00:49:56.000 I know, but it could.
00:49:57.000 I'm just saying, an interest...
00:50:00.000 You have diagrams.
00:50:02.000 At what point do you do what Anonymous is doing?
00:50:06.000 At what point do you go from looking at the world and seeing some fucked up shit going down?
00:50:12.000 What point do you go from talking about this shit going down to actively trying to fight against it?
00:50:19.000 Did you see the Warren Buffet thing?
00:50:21.000 No.
00:50:22.000 Warren Buffet just wrote some big article on corporate taxes and why do I have to pay so little taxes?
00:50:29.000 Why do all my super rich friends get to pay taxes?
00:50:32.000 And he described in detail a bunch of crazy clauses that are in place that allow these guys to only have like 17% taxes and especially people that make their money with money.
00:50:43.000 There's all sorts of things that can be factored in and because of that they pay even less taxes.
00:50:48.000 And he's like, this is crazy.
00:50:49.000 This is all engineered ridiculous.
00:50:51.000 Why are you protecting the super rich?
00:50:53.000 It's really, really fascinating.
00:50:54.000 That's amazing.
00:50:55.000 It's really fascinating because he stepped up and he uses the terms like my mega rich friends, my super rich friends.
00:51:03.000 He really just kind of laid it all out.
00:51:07.000 It's fascinating.
00:51:08.000 So when do we do something about it?
00:51:11.000 What do we do?
00:51:12.000 Because you've got to do something at some point.
00:51:14.000 But once you bring it down, do we know who's going to build it back up?
00:51:18.000 No, you don't have to bring it down.
00:51:19.000 But at some point, I just heard this thing.
00:51:21.000 It's this guy, that guy's rant on, I don't even remember the show, but it went viral.
00:51:26.000 And it's this guy steamed up about how Republican or Democrat, it doesn't matter.
00:51:31.000 There's a system in place that is pulling the wealth of the nation into the overseas banking community.
00:51:37.000 It was like really intense and it went viral.
00:51:41.000 It went super viral.
00:51:42.000 But the question is, Do we dose the IRS or not?
00:51:46.000 No, at what point?
00:51:48.000 What a bunch of bad trips they would have.
00:51:50.000 Think about all the houses they took away.
00:51:52.000 Math trips.
00:51:53.000 Oh my gosh!
00:51:53.000 All the people where they just literally stole their money and they went poor and they couldn't fucking feed themselves.
00:51:59.000 But when do you do...
00:52:00.000 Anyway, this guy said we have a bought Congress.
00:52:03.000 He said that Congress is in the pocket of corporations.
00:52:06.000 Whether this is true or not, I don't know.
00:52:08.000 But I did read, if you go to Boehner's Wikipedia page...
00:52:13.000 It's spelled boner, but Boehner, B-O-E-H-N-E-R. If you go to his Wikipedia page, it talks about one of the controversies around him was that there was a big vote coming up against tobacco.
00:52:27.000 And right before the vote happened, he went and passed out checks from big tobacco on the floor to all these senators.
00:52:37.000 He passed it out publicly.
00:52:39.000 And I don't know what this exactly was, but...
00:52:43.000 So that guy's bought.
00:52:44.000 He's passing out checks from tobacco companies in our government.
00:52:49.000 Like, that guy's bought.
00:52:50.000 It's on Wikipedia.
00:52:51.000 Look it up, and maybe someone can really explain to me why he did that or what's happened there.
00:52:55.000 So we have what's called a bought Congress.
00:52:57.000 We have our leaders, many of them, are in the pockets of the corporations.
00:53:01.000 Their decisions aren't based on the will of the people.
00:53:04.000 Their decisions are based on what's better for the corporations and the mega-rich.
00:53:07.000 And fucking Warren Buffett just went out and talked about it.
00:53:14.000 Make that stop.
00:53:16.000 When does it happen?
00:53:17.000 Guess what?
00:53:18.000 Democracy didn't work.
00:53:19.000 Didn't work.
00:53:20.000 They beat it.
00:53:20.000 They figured it out.
00:53:21.000 Of course they figured it out.
00:53:22.000 It's like the Rubik's Cube.
00:53:23.000 You do it enough times, somebody's gonna fucking figure out how to beat the Rubik's Cube.
00:53:26.000 They figured it out.
00:53:28.000 The fucking founding fathers talked about this very thing, the possibility of this kind of thing happening.
00:53:33.000 It happened.
00:53:34.000 Now what do we do?
00:53:36.000 What do you do?
00:53:36.000 Do you sit and drink Starbucks and buy your fucking iPhone and fucking play video games and get on a podcast from time to time and whine?
00:53:45.000 Or do you fucking do something?
00:53:47.000 When do you do something?
00:53:49.000 That's what I want to know.
00:53:50.000 When do people act?
00:53:52.000 That's why I'm so fascinated with fucking anonymous right now, because they're acting No matter what people says, oh, they're just a bunch of 14-year-olds in the basement of their Bob's house.
00:54:01.000 I don't think so.
00:54:02.000 They just fucking did a—they shut down train stations.
00:54:05.000 They're shutting shit down.
00:54:06.000 They're, like, blasting foreign countries.
00:54:08.000 Yeah, but that's one step away is Obama's going to go on television going, okay, just so you know, we're now considering these guys terrorists.
00:54:14.000 What?
00:54:14.000 That's all that's going to happen.
00:54:16.000 And then these 14-year-olds that are in basements who are thinking they're doing a good job are now going, okay, now we're going to get in prison for 60 years and a federal crime.
00:54:23.000 Okay, no, I'm not worth it.
00:54:24.000 I'm going back to work.
00:54:25.000 Here's the thing, but for the rest of history, if every member of whatever this mysterious weird group is gets arrested tomorrow, for the rest of time, They still will exist as an organization that was one of the first emergent revolutionary organizations in the technological age.
00:54:47.000 And to me, that is amazing.
00:54:50.000 Oh, it's super amazing.
00:54:51.000 And I completely support them, but they're just better watch out because I think that's coming.
00:54:56.000 I think they're doing it.
00:54:57.000 They're going to be considered terrorists any second now.
00:55:00.000 Of course.
00:55:00.000 I mean, our country considers anything that goes against their ideals, terrorism, to the point where it's obvious that certain people aren't.
00:55:08.000 They're insurgents.
00:55:09.000 Those are insurgents.
00:55:11.000 What the fuck's an insurgent?
00:55:12.000 Those are people who don't want you invading their country.
00:55:15.000 They're not insurgents.
00:55:16.000 You're going to call them an insurgent?
00:55:18.000 Do you know how many fucking kids in Afghanistan died from drone attacks?
00:55:23.000 They just released it, like 168 kids dead from drone attacks.
00:55:27.000 A lot of insurgents apparently don't understand why you gotta blow up toddlers.
00:55:32.000 So the question is, when do people...
00:55:35.000 Could you fucking imagine if you were living over there, if that's your roll of the dice, you're a fucking mountain goat herder in Afghanistan.
00:55:44.000 And you literally are under the power of various warlords.
00:55:50.000 You know, one city in the entire country, Kabul.
00:55:53.000 Everything else is just warlords.
00:55:56.000 Yeah.
00:55:57.000 Warlords, dude.
00:55:59.000 Warlords.
00:55:59.000 You know how they get the information from the warlords?
00:56:02.000 They give them Viagra.
00:56:04.000 That's how they find out where the Taliban is.
00:56:06.000 They give them Viagra.
00:56:08.000 That's the number one move.
00:56:10.000 That's amazing.
00:56:10.000 Hopefully you didn't learn that on Cinemax after night.
00:56:13.000 No, dude, I read that online.
00:56:14.000 I read it online.
00:56:15.000 That's amazing.
00:56:16.000 It's authenticated.
00:56:17.000 It was on a major website.
00:56:19.000 I don't remember where the fuck I read it.
00:56:20.000 So what we know.
00:56:21.000 But it totally makes sense.
00:56:23.000 These old dudes, they can't fuck anymore.
00:56:25.000 And they have all these hoes.
00:56:27.000 Like, when you're a warlord, you don't have one wife.
00:56:29.000 You've got a gang of wives.
00:56:31.000 You've got a gang of wives, right?
00:56:32.000 He's like 60. His dick doesn't work anymore.
00:56:35.000 And he's got these 20 bitches he's trying to hold down.
00:56:37.000 It's hard.
00:56:38.000 Yeah, it's not like you can order Viagra when you live deep in a fucking deadly valley.
00:56:43.000 Like, they even knew about it, right?
00:56:44.000 I bet the first time they ever dropped it out, they were like, get the fuck out of here.
00:56:48.000 Wow.
00:56:49.000 A pill that makes your dick hard.
00:56:50.000 Like, what kind of geniuses are out there while I'm herding goats on a mountain somewhere?
00:56:57.000 It's fucked up that we can use those drones in other countries that we're not even supposed to be at war with, too, like Pakistan.
00:57:02.000 They just sneak a drone over there and shoot some shit.
00:57:05.000 All right, we're going to leave now.
00:57:07.000 All right, yeah.
00:57:09.000 Hellfire missiles.
00:57:10.000 That's the craziest thing.
00:57:12.000 They named them.
00:57:13.000 They don't have the name like H-256.
00:57:16.000 Hellfire missiles.
00:57:18.000 Actually, maybe they do.
00:57:19.000 Maybe the Hellfire is the nickname.
00:57:21.000 Yeah, man.
00:57:22.000 I don't want angry aficionados to call up.
00:57:25.000 It's so creepy, man.
00:57:27.000 If you think about that stuff too much, God, especially if you...
00:57:31.000 If you eat mushrooms and your brain decides to start thinking about the Taliban, oh God, that's the worst.
00:57:39.000 I have rolled against the wall of my fucking apartment, clutching my head with visions of bearded strangers strapping suicide bombs to their bodies and wandering into the streets to blow up other people.
00:57:54.000 When you really consider that this happens, at this very second right now, There's two things happening.
00:58:02.000 There's a guy at fucking Halliburton who's screwing the top on a Hellfire missile that no doubt will land in some playground in Afghanistan and incinerate some toddlers, and he's like, ah!
00:58:13.000 Almost off work!
00:58:14.000 Only six more of these I gotta screw on.
00:58:17.000 There's that guy and then there's some guy in the Middle East right now strapping a fucking belt around his waist and he's got a little timer or a phone and he's buttoning everything up and he knows that any second, like in the next hour or two, he's going to be hamburger meat all over some fucking cafe or hotel.
00:58:36.000 That's so weird.
00:58:37.000 We live in...
00:58:38.000 These are two insane people.
00:58:40.000 I frankly think one's a lot crazier than the other, and it ain't the fucking guy with a bomb belt.
00:58:46.000 It's the fucking weirdos like, yeah, just screwing the tops on missiles.
00:58:50.000 Wonder where these are gonna go.
00:58:52.000 Let's keep pushing them down the line, boys.
00:58:55.000 Wonder where these are gonna go.
00:58:57.000 Who knows?
00:58:58.000 I don't know.
00:58:58.000 Cluster bombs.
00:58:59.000 Here's another box of cluster bombs.
00:59:01.000 Whoopsies.
00:59:01.000 Whoops.
00:59:01.000 Ah, shit.
00:59:02.000 I wonder why it malfunctioned like that.
00:59:04.000 Hmm, perhaps we should analyze the 413 chip.
00:59:07.000 You just killed toddlers.
00:59:08.000 Oh yeah, of course we did.
00:59:09.000 But I wonder what it is.
00:59:11.000 Maybe the battery malfunctioned.
00:59:13.000 The battery's malfunctioning in your heart, murderers.
00:59:16.000 That's the thing.
00:59:17.000 It's like, why are we doing this?
00:59:18.000 What the fuck's going on?
00:59:19.000 That poppy field thing on the internet where you're talking about the soldiers standing in the poppy fields?
00:59:24.000 Yet another thing not to listen to when you're fucking baked.
00:59:27.000 That'll send you spiraling into a paranoid episode quicker than seeing your grandmother die.
00:59:32.000 There's never been a more clear indication that they're in on it than soldiers guarding poppy fields.
00:59:40.000 I mean, you just gotta...
00:59:42.000 At a certain point in time, you gotta go, wait, what?
00:59:45.000 They had Geraldo Rivera...
00:59:47.000 And he was interviewing one of the soldiers.
00:59:49.000 He was like, yeah, well, we don't like it, but we have to guard the fields in order to get information from these people.
00:59:54.000 We have to let them live their way of life.
00:59:57.000 Like, what are you talking about, son?
01:00:00.000 Are you really telling me you're letting people grow heroin and you guys are guarding it?
01:00:04.000 But that's it.
01:00:05.000 That's all.
01:00:05.000 You don't have any financial stake in it.
01:00:07.000 You know, we're taking American lives and they're over there with machine guns guarding poppy fields.
01:00:12.000 For who?
01:00:13.000 By who?
01:00:14.000 Against who?
01:00:15.000 Excuse me?
01:00:16.000 What the fuck is going on?
01:00:17.000 I don't know.
01:00:17.000 Where's the money going?
01:00:20.000 Someone's getting paid, you fuck.
01:00:22.000 You don't have soldiers wandering through fields unless there's some money being exchanged hands.
01:00:26.000 Period.
01:00:26.000 That's expensive to feed a soldier.
01:00:28.000 Why the fuck would they put the resources of those soldiers, why would they put them to use in that area?
01:00:34.000 Like that.
01:00:34.000 You know what that makes me think though, man?
01:00:36.000 How fucking cool would it be to have your own army?
01:00:39.000 Wouldn't that be awesome to have like 200, like an army?
01:00:42.000 There's people who know what it's like to have an army.
01:00:45.000 There he goes with having an army again.
01:00:46.000 Well, you know what happened with Blackwater, right?
01:00:49.000 Do you know what happened with Blackwater?
01:00:51.000 No, I don't.
01:00:51.000 Supposedly, this is all supposedly.
01:00:53.000 They just got some giant crazy contracts with the United Arab Emirates.
01:00:58.000 And they're gonna, you know, I think it's like in Abu Dhabi, maybe Abu Dhabi.
01:01:02.000 They're starting like a private military.
01:01:05.000 You know, he's putting together some crazy mercenary group to shut down uprisings and make sure that no nutty shit happens and they don't lose all their money.
01:01:13.000 I actually heard about this.
01:01:14.000 Isn't it called Cobra?
01:01:15.000 I don't know.
01:01:16.000 I don't know if it's even true.
01:01:17.000 Please, please let it be called Cobra.
01:01:19.000 It's not called Cobra.
01:01:20.000 I made that up.
01:01:21.000 It's not Cobra fucking commander.
01:01:23.000 Damn it, you asshole.
01:01:24.000 Well, this guy, who was the guy that was the head of Blackwater, apparently got some huge deal to go over there.
01:01:32.000 So I read online.
01:01:33.000 That would make sense, man.
01:01:34.000 If I was some fucking dude in the Middle East like that, I was a king, I was like, I need to protect this shit.
01:01:40.000 I'm going to have to hire me.
01:01:41.000 And once you get to that position, me ain't going to let that go.
01:01:43.000 No one's letting that go.
01:01:44.000 Why would you let that go?
01:01:45.000 I'm the king, dude.
01:01:46.000 Shut the fuck up.
01:01:47.000 I got a new army.
01:01:48.000 We got shit on lockdown.
01:01:49.000 You're going to resist everything.
01:01:51.000 Any form of assimilation.
01:01:53.000 I don't care what you saw on Google.
01:01:55.000 I got a palace I gotta keep up.
01:01:57.000 What would it be like to be a king and have an acid trip?
01:02:00.000 A king and have a really deep acid trip.
01:02:03.000 Just great.
01:02:03.000 You think so?
01:02:05.000 Yeah.
01:02:06.000 Like having a fucking harem.
01:02:08.000 Like tripping on acid and knowing you had access to a harem if things got weird.
01:02:12.000 Don't you think you would freak out thinking about all the people that hated you?
01:02:15.000 And all the people that wanted you dead, all the people that wanted your throne.
01:02:18.000 Sure.
01:02:19.000 You just get the Joker to dance for you and you'll forget about it.
01:02:21.000 I mean, just living in any sort of a place where there's one person that is thought to be the king.
01:02:28.000 He's the king, I guess.
01:02:29.000 The king of Jordan, the king of Egypt, the king.
01:02:31.000 The king of England, the queen of England.
01:02:33.000 That's got to be a terrifying position.
01:02:36.000 To be the king?
01:02:37.000 Yeah, you must be totally paranoid all the time.
01:02:39.000 Yeah, of course.
01:02:40.000 I mean, look at what Obama's got to ride in.
01:02:43.000 He's got to ride in some kind of bulletproof fucking...
01:02:46.000 Of course, also, because he's black.
01:02:47.000 Let's be honest.
01:02:48.000 That's the real reason.
01:02:49.000 That's the real reason.
01:02:50.000 It's a big reason.
01:02:51.000 Look, people tried to kill Ronald Reagan, of course.
01:02:53.000 You know, people...
01:02:54.000 I think someone...
01:02:55.000 Wasn't there some sort of a thwarted attempt against...
01:02:59.000 It was something about George W., but they got it, like, way before anything happened.
01:03:04.000 It was a grenade, I think.
01:03:05.000 They were trying to lob a grenade on stage.
01:03:08.000 Either way.
01:03:09.000 There's...
01:03:09.000 I mean, there's always...
01:03:11.000 There's always one crazy faction of society that wants this president dead or the United States president dead for whatever reason.
01:03:20.000 But I always feel like with Obama, the shit that I hear online and the things that I read, it's like the racism is pretty obvious, man.
01:03:29.000 There's a lot of people that don't just not like him as a person.
01:03:34.000 They don't like him because he's black.
01:03:37.000 Oh, fuck, yeah.
01:03:37.000 And they talk about it pretty openly.
01:03:39.000 Sure.
01:03:39.000 And call him a monkey.
01:03:41.000 It's really, really fucking fascinating, the level of disrespect.
01:03:47.000 You know the idea?
01:03:48.000 Just imagine right now, the way you're going to feel the day after Michelle Bachmann gets elected, if she got elected.
01:03:55.000 Imagine how you were going to feel.
01:03:56.000 You know what I'm going to feel?
01:03:57.000 I'm going to feel, how much money does it cost me every year to live in Vancouver?
01:04:01.000 And I call my accountant, and I'm going to say, all right, now tell me what I would have to do.
01:04:05.000 I'd have to pay taxes in both places?
01:04:07.000 Yeah.
01:04:07.000 Okay.
01:04:07.000 I can do that, though, and I can live there, and I can still be a United States citizen?
01:04:12.000 Let's fucking do it.
01:04:13.000 I would just do it.
01:04:14.000 Okay.
01:04:14.000 I'd just move the fuck up there.
01:04:15.000 That...
01:04:16.000 Is the way racists felt when Obama got elected.
01:04:20.000 Of course.
01:04:21.000 That's the fucking sense of horror that some people had.
01:04:25.000 Not because of his views, not because of his ideas, but because he's black.
01:04:28.000 They were like, oh my fucking god, this is it!
01:04:31.000 This is it, Charlie!
01:04:32.000 It's over!
01:04:33.000 Isn't that amazing?
01:04:34.000 Yeah, that's amazing.
01:04:35.000 So, yeah man, it's completely out there.
01:04:39.000 And then, you add onto that the fact that he fucking didn't exactly hit a home run.
01:04:44.000 To put it lightly.
01:04:45.000 Dude, he stepped up to plate and got hit with a meteor shower.
01:04:49.000 I mean, I don't think any president had any chance of making any of this look good.
01:04:54.000 There was a gigantic scheme going on.
01:04:57.000 It collapsed and created this vortex of suck and unemployment and home foreclosures.
01:05:05.000 And anybody stepping into that vortex would have been sucked into its momentum.
01:05:10.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:05:11.000 That's my opinion.
01:05:12.000 It kind of sucks that while he was in that fucking vortex, he like started saying that people could start raiding medicinal marijuana dispensaries again.
01:05:21.000 Under him, they started doing that.
01:05:23.000 Yeah.
01:05:23.000 Did they say that they raided them because they violated both state and federal law?
01:05:29.000 Do you know?
01:05:29.000 Because that was one of the claims that Obama said.
01:05:32.000 You see, he never said that he would stop raiding medical marijuana clinics.
01:05:37.000 I think the language they used was they were going to stop unless they were violating both state and federal law.
01:05:45.000 So if someone was selling marijuana, you're automatically violating federal law.
01:05:49.000 But are you staying within the state guidelines?
01:05:52.000 If so, then we're going to leave you alone.
01:05:54.000 But if not, then we're going to go after you.
01:05:56.000 And that's what they did.
01:05:57.000 Oh, that's what he said?
01:05:58.000 Yes.
01:05:58.000 Because I heard there was a new thing.
01:06:00.000 I don't know.
01:06:00.000 I heard that too, but I didn't investigate it enough to be talking about it.
01:06:05.000 It's very hard for me to...
01:06:07.000 Hate our country so much, Duncan?
01:06:08.000 No, I love our country.
01:06:10.000 Well, let me be clear about this.
01:06:12.000 I don't think we're happy.
01:06:14.000 I'm not happy until there's full legalization.
01:06:17.000 Yeah.
01:06:17.000 And here's the problem with this idea of medical, is that I believe, at least the way I understand it, that it can be interpreted that the only way you're supposed to be running one of these collectives and dispensaries is you're not supposed to be making any profit.
01:06:31.000 I believe they're supposed to be a non-profit sort of a business.
01:06:36.000 But obviously these people are making a fuckload of money.
01:06:38.000 So it's a very tricky sort of a gray area that's going on right now.
01:06:44.000 So I'm not even happy with just the medical distinction.
01:06:47.000 It's silliness.
01:06:48.000 It's 2011. Any argument about giving any inches or just anything at all in that direction.
01:06:56.000 Like, okay, well maybe we should make it illegal if you're...
01:06:59.000 No, stop it!
01:07:00.000 It's a fucking plant.
01:07:02.000 You can't make it illegal.
01:07:04.000 You can't.
01:07:05.000 It's a fucking plant.
01:07:07.000 It grows in the ground.
01:07:09.000 You can't say it's no good.
01:07:11.000 It's not a poison.
01:07:13.000 There's all these plants that grow strychnine.
01:07:15.000 They make strychnine.
01:07:17.000 You can buy them.
01:07:18.000 They sell salvia at Target, and I would think that salvia is way more dangerous for kids.
01:07:22.000 They sell salvia at Target?
01:07:24.000 Salvia plants in the nursery.
01:07:26.000 Go check it out.
01:07:27.000 Is that the same type of salvia?
01:07:28.000 Yes.
01:07:29.000 I don't know, but I do know that they sell the San Pedro cactus at Home Depot.
01:07:34.000 The San Pedro cactus is how you get mescaline.
01:07:36.000 Wow.
01:07:37.000 Yeah.
01:07:38.000 That's where peyote comes from.
01:07:39.000 You can take that fucking cactus, and if you know how to do it, there's a bunch of forms that will show you how to go through a step-by-step process online.
01:07:50.000 Yeah man, it's fucked up.
01:07:51.000 It's fucking, it's ridiculous!
01:07:53.000 It's not just fucked up, it's like that, if there's a one thing that has to happen, the first thing that's gonna happen, and people don't put as much stock into this idea because it seems like a silly request, but if you could fix anything about the world, what would you do?
01:08:06.000 I'd make psychedelics regularly available and legal and have people and devote energy and money to studying them and to distributing them correctly.
01:08:17.000 Totally.
01:08:17.000 And get people who are shaman to take people on authentic trips.
01:08:22.000 People who have navigated these worlds.
01:08:24.000 And then when the people come back and they need help with this reprogramming, you sit down with them.
01:08:30.000 You have groups of people that have also had the experience.
01:08:32.000 Sit down with them.
01:08:32.000 Discuss what about it.
01:08:34.000 Did it make you think about yourself?
01:08:35.000 Was there anything that it glaringly obvious you needed to change?
01:08:39.000 And then the person would say, yeah, well there's this fucking thing that freaks me out.
01:08:43.000 I'm kind of a cheap fuck.
01:08:44.000 I think we need to deal with that, right?
01:08:45.000 I mean, you're kind of selfish.
01:08:46.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:08:47.000 I don't know what it is.
01:08:48.000 I'm just like, it's a force of habit.
01:08:50.000 And if you have any weird sort of a personality tick like that, and you do any psychedelic, even eat pot, just eat a cookie, man.
01:08:57.000 That's the first thing that's going to hit you.
01:08:59.000 You're going to think about being a creepy person.
01:09:01.000 You're going to think about your creepy behavior.
01:09:03.000 If there's ever a way to re-engineer society, it's to shock people out of their current pattern of behavior that they find almost unavoidable.
01:09:14.000 The same patterns that cause people to overeat or chronic masturbation, we have to figure out a way to blast people out of those.
01:09:22.000 Shock you out of the pattern, show you yourself from an angle or perspective that's not available without the psychedelic, then bring you back and give you something to think about.
01:09:32.000 You know, it's like these little trips, these little blasts.
01:09:35.000 They're just little bursts of evolution.
01:09:38.000 It's society.
01:09:39.000 You see yourself.
01:09:41.000 You see how you can fit.
01:09:42.000 You see nice.
01:09:43.000 You see positive.
01:09:44.000 Good.
01:09:45.000 I'll see you in a couple months.
01:09:46.000 And just keep doing that.
01:09:47.000 And every couple months, people go in, get blasted, talk to people.
01:09:52.000 People talk through situations and tell them about ego and that it's all a trick and it's Just temporary anyway, man.
01:09:59.000 The best feeling you'll ever get is to be really cool to as many people as you can.
01:10:04.000 The best feeling you'll ever get is just to be nice to as many people as you can.
01:10:08.000 Be friendly to them, shake their hand, hug them if you can, and just be someone that other people enjoy to be around.
01:10:15.000 When you do that, you create positive energy, you create love, you create this burst comes from you and you attract it and you bring it into your world.
01:10:28.000 See you in a couple months.
01:10:30.000 And then the guy comes back every couple months.
01:10:32.000 One trip after another.
01:10:34.000 And a year later, you can't even recognize this guy.
01:10:37.000 A year later, this guy is fucking eating organic food and drinking coconut water and going to CrossFit and reading about the Bhagavad Gita.
01:10:44.000 And you become a different human being.
01:10:47.000 You become a human being that's...
01:10:50.000 Actualized.
01:10:51.000 That's a good word.
01:10:52.000 That's a good word.
01:10:54.000 But then, you know, that is possible.
01:10:56.000 You can evolve without drugs.
01:10:58.000 You can evolve just with hard work and focus and attention and meditation.
01:11:03.000 Or you can just take the drugs and get their way quicker.
01:11:06.000 It's up to you, man.
01:11:07.000 Or go crazy and combine the two.
01:11:09.000 You know, it's not like you can only do one or the other.
01:11:12.000 Actually, I found the combination of the two is amazing.
01:11:15.000 Getting really high and chanting is such a Perfect synergy.
01:11:21.000 It's so fun to do, but I mean getting high and doing anything is pretty fun.
01:11:24.000 To me the most amazing is getting high and doing yoga.
01:11:27.000 Dude, I love to get super baked.
01:11:30.000 I get baked in hotel rooms and I'll do yoga.
01:11:32.000 I got like a few DVDs and I got one thing that I downloaded that I can watch on my laptop.
01:11:38.000 Dude, I'll get just blitzkrieked so you're just in tune with every fucking fiber of your muscles and you're holding these poses and I'm reading from this book that has this fucking black and white photo of this Indian dude doing it from 1934 and he's doing these crazy ass fucking poses and I'm holding them in this hotel room and then after I'm done man It's like it takes the high and brings it to this completely new room.
01:12:08.000 It's super clean and it's like you sit here in this new room and just relax a little until the yoga wears off and then you can go right back in.
01:12:18.000 It's like it puts you in some crazy new high room where you're like, I can see things so well right now.
01:12:25.000 It's like my body's in balance.
01:12:27.000 My mind is in balance.
01:12:29.000 I can see things so clearly.
01:12:31.000 Troubling decisions seem so obvious.
01:12:34.000 I would love to see both of your favorite thing to do high together at the same time, like you chanting and you doing yoga in the same room.
01:12:41.000 I think that you guys should do that sometime.
01:12:42.000 Yeah, but we could put that online and dudes would beat off to it.
01:12:46.000 I don't beat off anything!
01:12:47.000 Fuck it.
01:12:48.000 Some guy, bear, 69, cock.
01:12:51.000 Hey, I just want to let you know I'm beat off your thing.
01:12:53.000 Cool.
01:12:53.000 Thanks, bro.
01:12:54.000 You know you're straight to love your asshole.
01:12:56.000 That would be awesome.
01:12:57.000 Hey, can I ask you something?
01:12:59.000 Of course.
01:12:59.000 Because Brian started talking about it.
01:13:01.000 So what did you think of Planet of the Apes?
01:13:03.000 Listen, bro.
01:13:04.000 Oh, here we go.
01:13:05.000 I got way more chimp in me than the average person.
01:13:09.000 So you put me in a movie where chimps start fucking shit up, I get very excited.
01:13:13.000 Right.
01:13:14.000 I thought the CGI was the shit.
01:13:17.000 I thought for a movie, for what I like to go to the movies to see, I want to see some fun shit.
01:13:24.000 I like comic book movies.
01:13:26.000 I like X-Men.
01:13:28.000 What was the latest X-Men?
01:13:29.000 I really liked that one a lot.
01:13:30.000 Yeah.
01:13:31.000 I like that kind of shit.
01:13:32.000 I like ridiculous movies.
01:13:34.000 First class.
01:13:35.000 Yeah, that one.
01:13:36.000 I like shit that's like...
01:13:38.000 I like stuff that's fun.
01:13:40.000 I want to just get into it.
01:13:42.000 And to me, this movie was...
01:13:45.000 First of all, the special effects were fucking insane.
01:13:48.000 So close to perfect.
01:13:50.000 So close to seeming like real chimps.
01:13:53.000 Can I say something?
01:13:54.000 Yeah.
01:13:55.000 Here we go.
01:13:56.000 I don't want to see it.
01:13:58.000 You haven't seen it?
01:13:59.000 No, I've seen it.
01:14:00.000 But I don't want to see Chimpcock, but none of those chimps had genitals.
01:14:04.000 It's true.
01:14:06.000 Come on.
01:14:06.000 PG-13.
01:14:07.000 Well, it's not that they didn't have genitals.
01:14:09.000 They just never showed you an angle where you could see the dick.
01:14:11.000 Here's the thing.
01:14:12.000 It was just clever photography.
01:14:14.000 Everything that you've just described about the movie, I agree with.
01:14:19.000 The CGI was fucking cool, and there were some really cool moments.
01:14:22.000 But what bothered me about the movie, what really bothered me about the movie...
01:14:27.000 It was the penis.
01:14:28.000 And what made me really start hating it halfway through and get embarrassed by it and just think I'll never go see a fucking movie again in my life.
01:14:38.000 What?
01:14:38.000 Yeah, I got so pissed because I saw at the beginning, fucking News Corp.
01:14:42.000 And I was like, oh, here we go.
01:14:43.000 How did fucking Rupert Murdoch fuck this up?
01:14:45.000 How did he fuck it up?
01:14:47.000 These chimps, these fucking chimps who've been tortured in laboratories.
01:14:50.000 I told you about the time I almost got killed by a chimpanzee already, right?
01:14:55.000 I told you that story?
01:14:57.000 When was this?
01:14:58.000 I didn't tell you that story?
01:15:00.000 Even if you did, tell me again.
01:15:01.000 I'm sure a lot of people never heard of it.
01:15:03.000 Tell me.
01:15:05.000 So I, from this pilot I did for Comedy Central, we had a chimpanzee as one of the gags where I was playing chess with a chimpanzee and the chimpanzee beat me at a move.
01:15:16.000 And so, so like, oh, a chimpanzee is smarter than me.
01:15:19.000 It's just a stupid quick gag.
01:15:20.000 Like a computer's hooked up to the chimp and like, it says checkmate, the computer says checkmate.
01:15:24.000 So, I was really excited about this day and my friend, Tom Giannis, who was the co-creator of the show and directed it, he kept telling me, Duncan, do you think there's any way we could do this without a chimp?
01:15:39.000 Or do you really want to have a chimpanzee?
01:15:41.000 Because I've worked with chimpanzees before and they're really hard to control on set and they're dangerous.
01:15:47.000 And I'm like, you know, I want to work with a chimp, man.
01:15:51.000 I'm not going to say no to working with a chimp, and they're not dangerous, and they're going to sense that I'm a nice guy, and the chimpanzee's going to know I'm okay, and it's going to be fine.
01:15:59.000 I was looking forward to this for days, because I've always wanted to fucking hold a chimpanzee.
01:16:03.000 So, the chimp gets here.
01:16:06.000 I know the chimp's there because it's punching the hardwood floor as hard as it can as it's coming down to where we're shooting.
01:16:16.000 It's just punching the floor.
01:16:17.000 Punching the floor.
01:16:19.000 Punching the floor.
01:16:20.000 Bang!
01:16:22.000 This fucking thing, it looks like if you took a toddler and just blasted it with steroids.
01:16:26.000 It's like, imagine the most muscular toddler with the worst case of ADD on the planet.
01:16:31.000 That's a chimpanzee.
01:16:32.000 And so right before he starts shooting, the guy says, okay, just so you guys know, it's a very friendly monkey.
01:16:40.000 Call him a monkey?
01:16:41.000 I'm sorry, chimp.
01:16:42.000 I was like, that trainer sucks, dude.
01:16:47.000 How'd that guy get that chimp?
01:16:48.000 How do you become a chimp trainer?
01:16:49.000 I don't know.
01:16:49.000 Is there a Harvard for chimp trainers?
01:16:50.000 You just fucking get a chimp, say you're a trainer, and you can rent the thing out.
01:16:54.000 Don't you have to be a primatologist or something?
01:16:56.000 I don't know.
01:16:57.000 Okay.
01:16:57.000 So this fucking monkey, so he's like, just so you know, the chimpanzee is the strongest person in the room.
01:17:06.000 If he comes up to you, he just wants to say hi, he's very friendly, just don't make any quick movements.
01:17:11.000 And so, suddenly this chimp is sitting in front of me, and it goes from being like, oh this is going to be cute, to being like, this is no different than being with a tiger.
01:17:23.000 This thing is fucking strong.
01:17:26.000 It seems kind of focused and cool right now, but it was being a little weird earlier.
01:17:30.000 How big was it?
01:17:32.000 I don't know the weight of the thing.
01:17:35.000 It was probably like a little higher than my waist, like with the chimp crouch happening.
01:17:39.000 So you say maybe 70 pounds, 80 pounds?
01:17:43.000 I'd say like probably 80 pounds or something.
01:17:47.000 I don't know.
01:17:48.000 So it's not a baby.
01:17:50.000 No, it's a middle-aged little guy wearing blue jeans.
01:17:53.000 I think it's more than 100 pounds.
01:17:55.000 I don't know.
01:17:56.000 I could have picked it up.
01:17:58.000 It's muscular shit, right?
01:18:00.000 They're real muscular.
01:18:01.000 So we're starting to do the scene.
01:18:04.000 Chimps got to move a piece.
01:18:05.000 By the way, for animal rights people out there, I will never, ever, ever, ever use a chimpanzee again in anything.
01:18:11.000 That I ever do.
01:18:12.000 I don't advocate it.
01:18:14.000 It's cruel.
01:18:15.000 It's a horrible thing.
01:18:16.000 It's fucked up.
01:18:17.000 These creatures belong in habitats or in the wild.
01:18:20.000 They do not belong on a movie set.
01:18:22.000 They're very cool.
01:18:23.000 Very cool creatures, but it's a terrible thing.
01:18:25.000 I agree.
01:18:26.000 Totally.
01:18:27.000 So I'm fucking sitting there and basically in like two seconds...
01:18:34.000 The chimp went from being calm and kind of focused to screaming at the top of its lungs and shooting past me at maybe 20 miles per hour.
01:18:46.000 Like, there's no way I could have reacted if it wanted to pounce on me.
01:18:49.000 I couldn't have blocked it.
01:18:50.000 It was like just this bang, like a lightning bolt.
01:18:53.000 It shoots by me and runs to the top of this divider.
01:18:56.000 So now it's pulling like a King Kong.
01:18:59.000 It's like...
01:19:01.000 It's screaming at all of us, and I'm like, fuck, I'm feeling the worst sense of guilt and fear.
01:19:07.000 Anyway, we get it back down.
01:19:09.000 Holy shit.
01:19:10.000 We get it back down.
01:19:11.000 Everything's fine again.
01:19:12.000 It's like nothing happened.
01:19:13.000 I didn't just freak out.
01:19:14.000 Nothing just happened.
01:19:14.000 It was cool.
01:19:15.000 Gets off its chair.
01:19:16.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:19:17.000 Hold on.
01:19:17.000 This thing freaked out, and you went back to work with it again?
01:19:20.000 Yes.
01:19:20.000 Oh, my God.
01:19:21.000 Went back to work.
01:19:23.000 Went back to work.
01:19:24.000 I had to get the shot, man!
01:19:25.000 It's low budget!
01:19:26.000 Fuck it, man!
01:19:27.000 Let's go for it!
01:19:27.000 So what if I lose my...
01:19:29.000 What are you talking about?
01:19:29.000 I was terrified it was a bad decision in retrospect.
01:19:31.000 But in the moment, I decided to do it.
01:19:35.000 So the thing's in front of me again.
01:19:38.000 And it's calmed down.
01:19:41.000 And it's kind of cool.
01:19:42.000 And I look over.
01:19:43.000 The trainer is sweating.
01:19:47.000 Like, you know, nervous sweat.
01:19:48.000 Like, nervous, nervous sweat.
01:19:50.000 And I swear I hear the guy who's with him whisper to him.
01:19:56.000 Should we do it?
01:19:57.000 Should we do something with her?
01:19:57.000 Should we do it?
01:19:59.000 And he's like, not yet!
01:20:01.000 Yells at the guy.
01:20:03.000 So I'm thinking like, did he just suggest that they dart the chimp or something?
01:20:08.000 Like they calm it down, like something's not right with the chimp right now?
01:20:11.000 So anyway, thing goes for me again.
01:20:15.000 Not for me, but shoots out of the chair again.
01:20:17.000 The guy tackles it.
01:20:20.000 Football tackles the chimp, right?
01:20:22.000 Football tackles this poor fucking creature.
01:20:26.000 The guy hits his head on a chair.
01:20:28.000 He hits his nose on a chair from tackling the chimp.
01:20:32.000 The chimp didn't bite him, but he hit his nose.
01:20:37.000 I saw him do it.
01:20:38.000 So...
01:20:39.000 Because he tackled the chimp.
01:20:40.000 Why'd he tackle the chimp?
01:20:41.000 He saw something in the chimp's eyes that made him think, I gotta tackle this chimp.
01:20:46.000 So he tackles the chimp.
01:20:48.000 He stands up.
01:20:49.000 I look around.
01:20:50.000 The crew is like white-faced.
01:20:52.000 I'm sitting here frozen in terror.
01:20:55.000 I look over.
01:20:56.000 The chimp...
01:20:57.000 Is projectile vomiting bananas.
01:21:00.000 Because that's what they do when they get anxious.
01:21:02.000 And the guy's like, guys, we can go on.
01:21:04.000 Everything's fine.
01:21:04.000 Everything's fine.
01:21:05.000 Blood running down his face from where he slammed into the chair.
01:21:09.000 Just blood just gushing down the guy's face.
01:21:13.000 And, uh...
01:21:15.000 And I'm like, no, you know what?
01:21:16.000 I think we got it.
01:21:17.000 Let's call this a day.
01:21:20.000 And that happened, man.
01:21:22.000 Those fucking things are fast and deadly and dangerous and fucking kind of half insane because they're out of their environment.
01:21:30.000 So when I went to see Planet of the Apes and the first time one of those chimps went to kill someone and the chimps like, no.
01:21:41.000 No.
01:21:42.000 You know, we mustn't kill.
01:21:44.000 Let's let these humans live.
01:21:46.000 I'm like, fuck that.
01:21:47.000 Chimps, if they were super intelligent, they'd be ripping people to, like, fucking turkey on Thanksgiving.
01:21:54.000 That's what annoyed me about it.
01:21:55.000 It should have been brutal.
01:21:56.000 It was more realistic.
01:21:57.000 You wanted to be more realistic.
01:21:58.000 Yeah!
01:21:58.000 I wanted to see fucking monkeys, like, not just, by the way, like, all these monkeys seem really good at jumping through office glass.
01:22:09.000 If they weren't, it would be the most boring movie ever, if they were all hitting the glass and falling back.
01:22:13.000 Not if they were grabbing the workers in the office and slamming their bodies into the glass like beanbags, splitting them like fucking...
01:22:21.000 So you didn't have fun with the movie at all?
01:22:23.000 You couldn't look at it?
01:22:24.000 I did think that some of that jumping through the glass shit was ridiculous, but I was willing to let it go because it was a fun movie.
01:22:29.000 Yeah, that's what I would think.
01:22:30.000 To me, it was just a fun, badass movie.
01:22:33.000 Listen, there is that part of my brain, too, that's like, whoa, this is fucking cool.
01:22:37.000 But I'm not discounting what you're saying.
01:22:38.000 I completely agree with you.
01:22:39.000 If they went full chimpanzee, what a chimp would really be like if it was intelligent, it would be a horror film.
01:22:44.000 A horror film with epic proportions, where the chimps would storm the town and just kill all the people.
01:22:49.000 Exactly.
01:22:50.000 And brutalize them.
01:22:50.000 That's what I wish they meant.
01:22:51.000 That's really what would happen.
01:22:52.000 I saw this really cool picture on...
01:22:55.000 This website I go to called Disinformation.
01:22:58.000 That sounds like a real credible source.
01:23:00.000 It's a great website, man.
01:23:01.000 They put out these books.
01:23:03.000 Disinformation.tv.
01:23:04.000 Where did you get the article?
01:23:06.000 Oh, it was on disinformation.com.
01:23:07.000 That sounds like you immediately just fall into one of those people that's constantly searching for the truth behind the lies.
01:23:14.000 Right.
01:23:14.000 It's not a conspiracy site.
01:23:15.000 It's a good site.
01:23:16.000 I'm just saying.
01:23:18.000 I go to her at all the time.
01:23:19.000 I'm just saying that that's one of those...
01:23:22.000 Like hot buttons, like disinformation.com, you know, disinfo.
01:23:26.000 It's like a website called We Lie to You or something.
01:23:28.000 They have that book, Disinformation.
01:23:31.000 Aren't they the people that have You're Being Lied To?
01:23:33.000 Yeah.
01:23:33.000 They're the people that produce that book, right?
01:23:34.000 That's them.
01:23:35.000 And the whole series of those books, which are fantastic, by the way.
01:23:39.000 Great books.
01:23:39.000 You realize how many times people have been lied to all throughout history, and it's like, whoa, what the hell?
01:23:45.000 Yeah.
01:23:46.000 About that, too?
01:23:47.000 Just about everything.
01:23:48.000 But there's a picture on this site of a painting someone did at Planet of the Apes and it's these apes with guns standing in front of a pile of dead human bodies like they're hunters posing with like things that they've killed.
01:24:02.000 Now that's cool when I see that because then they're really playing that like we flip the script here's what it's here's that Planet of the Apes By showing monkeys behaving like humans do, it was a cool, creative way to amplify the cruelty and humanity and brutality of humans.
01:24:20.000 That was an important aspect of it, is the monkeys were supposed to be cruel to things that they didn't think were smart.
01:24:29.000 So, the fact that these, their distant ancestors started off as, like, what appears to be, it seems like while that chimp was getting educated, he got a nice, heavy dose of, like, some form of, like...
01:24:43.000 This is no spoilers, by the way, right?
01:24:45.000 You're not going to drop some spoilers on us, because I haven't seen it yet.
01:24:48.000 It's Planet of the Fucking Apes.
01:24:49.000 If you don't know it's about talking monkeys, then what the fuck?
01:24:54.000 Yeah, it's a little bit of a spoiler.
01:24:56.000 Sorry.
01:24:56.000 Look, I see what you're saying, man.
01:24:57.000 I think the movie is a spoiler.
01:24:58.000 I don't think that...
01:24:59.000 Oh, come on, man.
01:25:01.000 That movie was fun for me.
01:25:02.000 I enjoyed the shit out of it.
01:25:03.000 But you could make a movie where it would be all the scenes from King Kong and from the Hulk where they were just smashing everything, and I would watch that movie.
01:25:13.000 It could be like 40 minutes.
01:25:14.000 I would pay $20 to go to see just a video of the Hulk fucking shit up for 20 minutes and then King Kong fucking shit up.
01:25:23.000 Yeah, that's so fun.
01:25:24.000 The people screaming when he's stepping on them.
01:25:27.000 Oh, the old King Kong?
01:25:28.000 Yeah, that's awesome.
01:25:30.000 I just love the idea of the special effects.
01:25:32.000 Did you like Godzilla as much?
01:25:34.000 Yeah, I liked that when I was a kid.
01:25:36.000 But you know what?
01:25:37.000 Those movies back then were so stupid.
01:25:40.000 It's like we all agreed that we're stupid.
01:25:43.000 We didn't think that was like a real monster.
01:25:45.000 There was no doubt that was not a real monster.
01:25:47.000 But we were willing to go along with it because it was kind of fun.
01:25:50.000 There was no doubt the water would not move that way if it was really the ocean.
01:25:54.000 That's a goddamn bathtub.
01:25:55.000 There's no doubt.
01:25:57.000 But we were willing to accept it because it was kind of a cool movie.
01:26:01.000 What's fun for me now is I just love watching these artificially created creatures that have been rendered on a computer and people are interacting with them.
01:26:14.000 To me, like the King Kong scene, when King Kong falls down, in the newest King Kong, he falls down in between these two Yeah.
01:26:32.000 Yeah.
01:26:34.000 And while you're watching, it's like, god damn, this is a motion picture piece of art.
01:26:39.000 This is a masterpiece what they've done.
01:26:41.000 This really does look like a giant gorilla fighting off T-Rexes.
01:26:45.000 That's fucking badass.
01:26:46.000 And it really does look like it's interacting with trees.
01:26:50.000 It really does.
01:26:51.000 It's amazing.
01:26:52.000 When the fucking gorilla gets to the ground and starts duking it out with them, it's like, that really looks like a gorilla.
01:26:58.000 This is incredible.
01:26:59.000 Dude, I'm blown away by that shit.
01:27:01.000 Blown away.
01:27:02.000 Because I can't.
01:27:04.000 When you hear about computer language, I watched John Carmack do this speech about the new technology and their game, Rage, and all the different cool tweaks and different things that they've done with it.
01:27:16.000 Remember when we went there, when we were in Dallas and we got a chance to go, id software, they let us go walk around the studio and look at the game before it was ever made?
01:27:24.000 Dude, you listen to him talk and it's like, my brain is so far removed from any of this knowledge.
01:27:33.000 What he's discussing with how they've created video games, how they've changed the way the game interacts with people, and I know he's doing this with ones and zeros and numbers on white paper.
01:27:46.000 It's so far...
01:27:47.000 He might as well be an alien.
01:27:50.000 He might as well be an alien.
01:27:51.000 He might as well be a different species.
01:27:54.000 Somebody was just telling me that programmers' brains start working differently because they're constantly thinking in coding language and it creates this difference in the way their brains work, which I didn't really understand.
01:28:07.000 That totally makes sense.
01:28:08.000 Yeah, just when I use Photoshop.
01:28:10.000 And I think somebody built this.
01:28:12.000 Somebody figured out how to do this.
01:28:14.000 That is insane to me.
01:28:18.000 Who are these people?
01:28:19.000 We're giving Academy Awards and huge awards and accolades to symmetrical people who are really good at reciting lines in a specific way.
01:28:30.000 How come the famous people in our society aren't these Super geniuses who are building phones.
01:28:36.000 Why don't we have, like, awards for people who make the crazy shit that makes our lives so much better?
01:28:42.000 It's really weird.
01:28:43.000 Johnny Lin's flair.
01:28:45.000 It is very weird.
01:28:46.000 Well, it's because our society is sort of developed and evolved without much planning.
01:28:51.000 It sort of just happened.
01:28:53.000 And as we are this weird combination of Evolving being an animal with needs and instincts, there's a lot of variables that don't get accounted for as behavior forms into patterns and cultures evolve around giant masses of land.
01:29:12.000 It doesn't get planned out.
01:29:15.000 But I always feel, just like I feel with any pattern that is established in nature, I always feel that the most fucked up human behavior, all of it, the whole pile of it all, has got to all be natural.
01:29:27.000 It's almost unavoidable.
01:29:30.000 This is just what the human being does.
01:29:32.000 And as we are older and have much less responsibility than most people, you know, 30 years ago, Or rather, 300 years ago.
01:29:42.000 Our age, we're literally dying.
01:29:45.000 500 years ago, how long did people live?
01:29:49.000 What was normal?
01:29:51.000 What was normal 1,000 years ago?
01:29:52.000 Oh no, I looked this up.
01:29:54.000 I think it's like 32 years.
01:29:57.000 If you can look up lifespan of people, it's like...
01:29:59.000 No, it's not 1,000 years ago.
01:30:02.000 It's like 1800s.
01:30:04.000 It's almost to me like we're not supposed to get old enough to see the hustle.
01:30:09.000 Right.
01:30:10.000 It's almost like we're designed to die off right when we start going, wait a minute, what the fuck are we doing?
01:30:18.000 Hey, hey, hey, everybody settle down.
01:30:19.000 What exactly are we doing here?
01:30:21.000 That's when we're supposed to heart failure.
01:30:24.000 That's when your shit's supposed to quit.
01:30:26.000 But we're alive so much longer now because of nutrition and medicine and people are just, they're more...
01:30:33.000 They're more conscious and a person like yourself has more free time as well and more free time to contemplate and you're in a non-conformist occupation where you're not constantly pressured every day to thinking along certain lines because that's a real issue with the American worker.
01:30:49.000 You think you're given eight hours a day but you're not given eight hours a day.
01:30:52.000 You're given eight hours a day plus your behavior outside of work can't get much too crazy In comparison to your behavior inside of work, or it's going to affect your performance at work.
01:31:02.000 You can't be partying too much and coming into work hungover, so the whole thing must be regulated.
01:31:07.000 So everybody has to stay in line.
01:31:08.000 You can't get crazy and say sexist jokes around female co-workers, or you'll go to jail, all right?
01:31:15.000 You'll be arrested.
01:31:16.000 You'll lose money because of sexual harassment.
01:31:19.000 You know, if you fire her, you're going to get sued.
01:31:22.000 And these are all, this is all like...
01:31:25.000 It's an impossible thing to avoid if you're a normal person working a normal job.
01:31:31.000 It's impossible for you to avoid your behavior being altered just so that you can work.
01:31:37.000 Well, yeah.
01:31:38.000 There's a game that people forgot they were playing.
01:31:42.000 It's called Western Society.
01:31:44.000 And most people, the way they play that game is they have to...
01:31:48.000 There's different roles they take.
01:31:50.000 There's the worker and the boss.
01:31:52.000 There's the executive.
01:31:54.000 There's the president.
01:31:55.000 There's police officers.
01:31:57.000 And it's all a big game.
01:31:59.000 When you go and buy a Starbucks, I learned this.
01:32:03.000 There's a really cool meditative technique you can do that's part of this stuff this guy Gurdjieff talks about, but it basically shows you how you're essentially just a series of automatic functions throughout the day.
01:32:14.000 You're not even there.
01:32:15.000 But what you do is when you go to buy something, just...
01:32:19.000 Be aware of the way you buy something.
01:32:21.000 Watch the way your hand gets your wallet.
01:32:23.000 Watch the way the money or the card comes out.
01:32:24.000 Watch the way you swipe the card.
01:32:26.000 Watch the way you talk to the person.
01:32:27.000 Watch the way the person talks to you.
01:32:28.000 And what you'll see happening is something you've been doing for years and years and years and years and years and years over and over and over again to buying shit because you live in America and that's how we fucking survive is buying shit at a cash register.
01:32:40.000 Just a great way to see how when you do that, your body goes into this automated function.
01:32:45.000 Get the wall, pull the cards, say thanks in a weird way.
01:32:47.000 Look at the person.
01:32:48.000 If you look at the person, you're seeing an automaton.
01:32:50.000 You're seeing a person who's put their consciousness on the shelf while they, like, all day long process people's cards, process people's cards.
01:32:56.000 So what you're seeing is two machines having this interaction.
01:33:00.000 And it's really fucking a great exercise to do because what you're seeing is a game that you've been playing so long, you've forgotten you're playing that game.
01:33:08.000 You've learned how to buy shit at a cash register.
01:33:12.000 There was a time when you'd never bought something at a cash register when you were a kid and then your parents taught you how to do it.
01:33:16.000 You learned how to exchange money for goods and that crystallized to this ritual that you don't even know is a ritual.
01:33:23.000 It's just this automatic thing.
01:33:26.000 This fucking game of Western society, it invites people to become automatons.
01:33:32.000 To get through the day when you're like, I used to wash dishes at Applebee's and I can remember like the way that you would get through the day of washing dishes is you just go into this automatic trance.
01:33:44.000 It's just a trance.
01:33:45.000 Spray the dish, put in the thing.
01:33:46.000 Wash, scrub, put in the thing.
01:33:47.000 It's just an automatic trance.
01:33:49.000 You're there, but you're not really there.
01:33:51.000 You're just in a trance and you do it as an escape from the Monotony and dullness of the job.
01:33:57.000 Well, it should be one person is cleaning their own plate.
01:34:01.000 That's what it should be, right?
01:34:03.000 It shouldn't be there's a giant stack of plates and someone's job it is to clean those things because that's when things start to suck.
01:34:09.000 That's when jobs start to suck.
01:34:11.000 When you're doing all the shit for money that no one wants to do.
01:34:15.000 There's a big difference between that kind of a job and the kind of a job where you actually have a career and do things you enjoy like you.
01:34:22.000 You get paid to be a professional comedian.
01:34:24.000 Yeah.
01:34:26.000 It shouldn't even be classified as a job.
01:34:29.000 Yeah, it doesn't feel like it.
01:34:30.000 Call it a career if you want to get pretentious, but it's your thing.
01:34:34.000 The career thing is a horrible word, man.
01:34:36.000 It's a weird word.
01:34:36.000 I hate it.
01:34:37.000 It makes you feel like, you know, I'm fucking serious.
01:34:40.000 You know what it means, career?
01:34:41.000 Put my nose to the grindstone.
01:34:42.000 What?
01:34:43.000 It comes the derivation of the word is a track horses ran on.
01:34:47.000 Really?
01:34:48.000 Yeah, circle.
01:34:49.000 You never get anywhere.
01:34:49.000 You're just running a fucking circle.
01:34:51.000 That's what a career is.
01:34:53.000 I'm working on my career!
01:34:56.000 Yeah, I think that I feel incredibly lucky and also I feel like always on the precipice of absolute disaster.
01:35:05.000 There's something really quite peaceful about having a Regular paycheck, man.
01:35:11.000 There's something really nice about that.
01:35:13.000 That's fucking cool to know every two weeks you're getting a paycheck.
01:35:15.000 That's badass.
01:35:17.000 So that life of working a job and having a regular job, it is...
01:35:21.000 There's sweetness to it, man.
01:35:22.000 And it facilitates having babies.
01:35:24.000 And it facilitates a lot of aspects of life that I think are quite pleasurable on a really high level.
01:35:32.000 So I totally get it.
01:35:34.000 It's just, you know, is there a way that this...
01:35:38.000 This process that we're all engaged in, this gigantic game that we're all in, this crazy dance of Western civilization that we're all engaged in, is there a way that we can take it up a level?
01:35:49.000 Is there a way we can make it a little more aware of itself, a little more cognizant of itself, a little less embedded in superstition?
01:35:58.000 Again, I've gotta go to what I said before, is that I think that things are evolving, you just are not happy with the pace.
01:36:06.000 I think that we live in such a tiny frame, a tiny window of time, and the amount of progress that we're looking at, just from a thousand years to now, is monumental.
01:36:20.000 2,000 years to now and human behavior and knowledge and access to information off the charts how much it's progressed.
01:36:28.000 And you're just caught in the middle of it.
01:36:31.000 And it's not going to stop.
01:36:32.000 With the internet and with the access to information that's available now and the ability to communicate now, truth is getting through more often than not.
01:36:43.000 Truth is piling on.
01:36:45.000 There's a lot of bullshit out there still, but it's way easier to cut the bullshit off with the internet.
01:36:51.000 It's evolving.
01:36:52.000 It's just not evolving up to your speed, what you would like to see.
01:36:56.000 But just look at the way people think, act, and behave now as compared to the way they did at the turn of the century.
01:37:04.000 There's no question.
01:37:04.000 And that's not even a blink of an eye.
01:37:07.000 Not even a blink of an eye.
01:37:09.000 It's unquestionably moving in a certain direction.
01:37:11.000 And yeah, it's quagmired in greed and built on a foundation of unfixable bullshit, but it's still spiraling towards the technological singularity.
01:37:22.000 There's no fucking question about it.
01:37:24.000 Some of the advancements that you're talking about are some of the things that you're like, wow, things have really advanced.
01:37:28.000 It's because groups of people made active efforts to push against the anti-evolutionary force.
01:37:37.000 Sure.
01:37:37.000 I mean, that's their role in this machine.
01:37:39.000 That's their role in this process.
01:37:42.000 Their role is to push things in that manner.
01:37:45.000 I mean, I think it's all an ingredient in a gigantic metaphysical sort of a soup.
01:37:52.000 It's all piled in together there, you know, and everyone's doing their little part, but it's changing slow for our ideas and our tastes, but compared to history, the rapid pace of evolution, and not even evolution, progress, the complexification of our society, it's blowing up in our face.
01:38:14.000 We're hanging on tooth and nail, literally, you know?
01:38:19.000 There's a lot of people that still haven't even grasped how much it's changed.
01:38:23.000 That's why when you have all these wacko gay Republican dudes that get busted online getting hookers, you know, getting male hookers, like this new guy that just got caught.
01:38:31.000 Somebody just sent it to me on Twitter.
01:38:33.000 I don't know his fucking name, but you know the story.
01:38:35.000 The story just keeps happening over and over again.
01:38:37.000 The same goddamn story.
01:38:38.000 This guy wanted to pay some dude to have sex with him and he got caught with it.
01:38:42.000 It's fascinating, man.
01:38:44.000 It's fascinating shit.
01:38:46.000 Human animals a very strange mixture of complex thinking and awareness and then some just wild monkey jealousy and instincts and fears and it's all Piled together in this weird fucking biological machine and just like go ahead figure this out You got a bunch of things pulling you a bunch of different directions and a lot of lies around you.
01:39:14.000 Good luck And get pushed out there and try to find things to sustain the body while the mind searches for answers and like-minded people to hang with in order to compare ideas so you don't feel like you're crazy, you don't feel like you're the only person out there on the beach howling at the moon saying, what the fuck is this?
01:39:31.000 Somebody please make sense of this shit.
01:39:33.000 Somebody?
01:39:33.000 Is there anybody out there?
01:39:36.000 On the internet now you can send that fucking message in a bottle and someone answers.
01:39:40.000 Dude, right here.
01:39:42.000 WTF. What the fuck?
01:39:45.000 What's going on?
01:39:46.000 What's happening?
01:39:47.000 And everybody gets together.
01:39:48.000 And that's the hive mind.
01:39:50.000 That's how the mind really thickens.
01:39:52.000 That's how things really start getting connected.
01:39:54.000 It's happening right now.
01:39:56.000 It really is, man.
01:39:57.000 We're only dealing with a two-decade-old invention.
01:40:01.000 Two decades is a fucking fraction of the time it takes for your eye to close.
01:40:08.000 But how about when, not only does it get a group of people being like, what the fuck?
01:40:12.000 How about when it brings groups of people into the streets and overthrows governments, like in Egypt?
01:40:20.000 I mean, it doesn't just stop with this...
01:40:22.000 Well, how about the UK? You know, one of the things they were trying to do?
01:40:25.000 They wanted to shut down Twitter and Facebook over there.
01:40:27.000 Yeah.
01:40:27.000 Because that's how people were communicating.
01:40:29.000 This BART thing that happened in San Francisco?
01:40:31.000 Same thing.
01:40:31.000 They shut down the fucking cell phones.
01:40:33.000 Yeah.
01:40:33.000 They didn't want people organizing.
01:40:35.000 Yeah.
01:40:35.000 It's crazy, man.
01:40:36.000 Like, that kind of shit is like, listen, man, you can't do that.
01:40:40.000 You're not allowed to shut off the phones.
01:40:43.000 What if someone's fucking mother was dying?
01:40:45.000 What if someone got hit by a car but you couldn't call a fucking ambulance because you can't use your phone?
01:40:51.000 Because you assholes are afraid of criticism.
01:40:53.000 Because you assholes are afraid of people yelling and screaming and telling you that you fucked up.
01:40:58.000 So you cut off the phone lines?
01:41:00.000 You should go to jail.
01:41:02.000 You should go to jail.
01:41:03.000 Have you shut off the phones in America in 2011 to avoid a protest?
01:41:09.000 Fuck you.
01:41:10.000 That's ridiculous.
01:41:12.000 For you to say that you want to maintain order so badly you will cut off communication between everyone.
01:41:21.000 Taxpayers, good people that have done no wrong without a single spot on their record.
01:41:26.000 You deny them use of the phone too blanketly?
01:41:30.000 Fuck you.
01:41:31.000 You know what they said?
01:41:33.000 What?
01:41:33.000 Americans have a right to free speech, but they also have a right to get to where they want to go on time.
01:41:39.000 Yeah, well, how about if someone's dying, stupid?
01:41:42.000 No, I think it's the worst.
01:41:43.000 I think it's fucking so...
01:41:45.000 To me, it's scary.
01:41:47.000 It's terrifying.
01:41:48.000 It's terrifying.
01:41:48.000 Yeah, it's scary because it's like...
01:41:50.000 What you're supposed to do is you're going to have to hire more cops, stupid.
01:41:52.000 And you're going to have to, you know, keep peace in a very respectful manner.
01:41:57.000 And, you know, there's a whole fucking bad history between cops and people up there, man.
01:42:03.000 And, you know, I'm not saying that the cops are 100% in the wrong, but there's been some shit that they did that's crazy.
01:42:08.000 Like, the cop that shot the guy because he thought he was tasering him, instead he shot him, and it's all on video.
01:42:14.000 I mean, what the fuck, man?
01:42:15.000 There's been a lot of nonsense like that.
01:42:17.000 And it's just, when you shut the fucking phones off and keep people from protesting, people just gotta go, what?
01:42:23.000 What the fuck are you doing?
01:42:24.000 And that, man...
01:42:25.000 Who the fuck are you?
01:42:26.000 That's why it's so incredible what Anonymous did by creating a protest that got broadcast nationally to every...
01:42:34.000 internationally.
01:42:35.000 People saw that shit.
01:42:37.000 And if they hadn't have done that, if they'd been content with just having conversations about it, it wouldn't have escalated to the level that it escalated to.
01:42:46.000 And a lot of those guys got arrested.
01:42:48.000 Like, they put...
01:42:50.000 Freedom of information in front of their own freedom.
01:42:53.000 That is heroic.
01:42:55.000 That's badass.
01:42:57.000 That's what I'm talking about.
01:42:58.000 I'm saying at some point, people have got to, like, stand up.
01:43:02.000 Because if you don't, if no one had stood up, if no one had done that, if there had been no protests, if Bart didn't know that every time they try to shut the fucking phone lines down, they're going to get swarmed.
01:43:12.000 What was the protest over?
01:43:14.000 Do you know?
01:43:15.000 I don't know.
01:43:16.000 The anonymous protest was after another protest that happened, and I do not know why the first protest happened.
01:43:22.000 I just know they shut the fucking phones up.
01:43:24.000 Did it have to do with that guy who was murdered?
01:43:26.000 I think the guy's getting out of jail.
01:43:28.000 A cop.
01:43:29.000 Oh, maybe.
01:43:30.000 It might be completely different.
01:43:33.000 That's what I thought the whole thing was about.
01:43:36.000 It's the saddest thing in the world, man, when you think about that.
01:43:41.000 Someone lost their life because of something so fucking stupid.
01:43:45.000 And then the guy who did it, one fucking stupid mistake, his life is fucked forever, too.
01:43:51.000 Yeah, he's gotta deal with that for the rest of his life.
01:43:53.000 Can you imagine how stupid you must feel to make that mistake?
01:43:58.000 Every day.
01:43:58.000 You're so panicked, you thought you had your taser, but you had your gun, and you shot the guy.
01:44:02.000 That weight of that.
01:44:03.000 Think of the weight of that.
01:44:04.000 I always think about that, the weight.
01:44:05.000 Because it's like when you fuck over a friend or if you do something stupid, eventually you can say, I'm sorry, that was stupid.
01:44:12.000 You can apologize and you can get it off your chest.
01:44:15.000 When you kill somebody, you can't do it.
01:44:17.000 You can't apologize someone back to life.
01:44:19.000 There's nothing you can do.
01:44:21.000 You can say you're sorry to their family, but that's not going to bring the person back.
01:44:26.000 It's so terrible.
01:44:29.000 Yeah, it's a pretty crazy idea.
01:44:31.000 We're so connected to each other.
01:44:33.000 When you lose someone in your life, it's so painful.
01:44:37.000 The idea that other people can take people away from people.
01:44:40.000 It's like the ultimate attack on them.
01:44:44.000 So strange.
01:44:45.000 Because we all know we're temporary.
01:44:47.000 We all know we're going to die.
01:44:48.000 We just don't want to right now.
01:44:50.000 I'm not ready yet.
01:44:52.000 No.
01:44:53.000 Not yet.
01:44:53.000 I'm having too much fun.
01:44:54.000 I'm enjoying this.
01:44:55.000 I'm just getting this thing mastered.
01:44:58.000 I'm just getting it figured out.
01:44:59.000 I know how to enjoy it now.
01:45:01.000 I figured it out.
01:45:02.000 I figured out how to enjoy it.
01:45:03.000 Don't let me die yet.
01:45:03.000 Not yet.
01:45:04.000 Not yet.
01:45:05.000 Sorry, Mr. Rogan.
01:45:06.000 We've got to move you on to the next experiment.
01:45:08.000 You can't stay here.
01:45:10.000 That's, you know, that's like, maybe that's all this is.
01:45:12.000 It's like when they give, like, in Planet of the Apes.
01:45:15.000 You know when they have that...
01:45:16.000 Spoiler alert!
01:45:17.000 Put your fingers in your ears!
01:45:19.000 Don't do that.
01:45:20.000 It's not that bad.
01:45:21.000 I can talk about the test that they did, right?
01:45:23.000 Can I talk about it?
01:45:23.000 No, you shouldn't talk about the plot.
01:45:24.000 It's probably not smart.
01:45:26.000 It's rude.
01:45:27.000 Okay, so forget Planet of the Apes.
01:45:28.000 But sometimes with kids, you give them like intelligence tests where they have to like do like certain things, you know?
01:45:35.000 And imagine if that's what this whole thing is.
01:45:38.000 Some kind of alien intelligence test where after you solve this certain puzzle, you get moved along.
01:45:44.000 And the way it looks when you get moved along is you're Gandhi taking a bullet in the chest or you're you know you're some you're someone who just like maybe you just have a heart attack like sometimes I've thought I wonder if there's like a thought you can have or a place you can get to where you just get it to the point where you don't have to stick around here like they say that some yogis through meditation Have just like meditated and meditated and they can willfully just leave their body.
01:46:12.000 They call it dropping your body.
01:46:14.000 They don't call it death.
01:46:16.000 Dropping your body.
01:46:17.000 I wouldn't put that past the realm of possibility.
01:46:20.000 If you consider the fact that your brain, we know, produces a bunch of different psychedelic chemicals, who's to say there's not some way to trigger those?
01:46:27.000 There's not some way to stimulate those by putting yourself into a frequency through meditation where you force the brain to accept a certain vibe, just a certain frequency.
01:46:39.000 And in doing so, you can actually force your brain into producing certain chemicals.
01:46:43.000 And then you fucking blast off.
01:46:46.000 I mean, the brain makes psychedelics.
01:46:47.000 Fact.
01:46:48.000 Fact.
01:46:49.000 The human body makes psychedelics.
01:46:51.000 Fact.
01:46:52.000 We know it does.
01:46:53.000 Makes a bunch of things that affect your behavior.
01:46:54.000 Makes adrenaline.
01:46:55.000 Makes dopamine.
01:46:56.000 Makes serotonin.
01:46:57.000 Makes all these different things.
01:46:58.000 Oxytocin.
01:46:58.000 Yeah, oxytocin.
01:46:59.000 There's all sorts of things that stimulate you, affect you.
01:47:02.000 We know it makes all the crazy chemicals that exist that create the dream state.
01:47:07.000 I've been taking this fucking alpha brain shit and having the nuttiest dreams, man.
01:47:10.000 And I had a werewolf, gorilla sex dream.
01:47:14.000 It was the strangest fucking dream of all time.
01:47:17.000 It was so bizarre because it was so stupid but so real and so easy to recall.
01:47:25.000 These alpha brain things, man, one of the things that a bunch of people have tweeted me about this, too, that when you take them and have dreams, for whatever reason, you remember your dreams.
01:47:36.000 You know?
01:47:37.000 And this dream was so stupid.
01:47:40.000 It was a gorilla and he was right behind like a bulging and breaking piece of wallboard, you know, the white plaster.
01:47:47.000 And I had to squirt the fucking stuff to put him to sleep through it.
01:47:53.000 I couldn't quite get to him.
01:47:54.000 Then I had to run away and hide and he ran into a werewolf and they fucking fought and then started sucking each other's cocks.
01:48:00.000 It was the most ridiculous dream ever.
01:48:03.000 I don't know what the fuck it means, but this werewolf was on top sucking this gorilla's cock, and they were like 69ing each other.
01:48:10.000 And I was like, what kind?
01:48:12.000 I've never had a dream like that before.
01:48:13.000 If you looked in the dream dictionary, it doesn't say anything.
01:48:17.000 That doesn't exist, bro.
01:48:18.000 It doesn't exist.
01:48:19.000 It just says you are Joe Rogan.
01:48:21.000 Yeah, it was so crazy.
01:48:22.000 It was like going from absolute terror and fear.
01:48:26.000 Like there was these gorillas were these giant silverbacks and they were right behind this thin piece of wallboard.
01:48:34.000 And I had to inject them with this sedative.
01:48:38.000 I had to get them with it.
01:48:39.000 And I couldn't quite get to them.
01:48:40.000 And I pulled it out and he came through the wall and I ran.
01:48:43.000 And as I ran and then he runs into the werewolves.
01:48:46.000 Were they 69ing?
01:48:49.000 Dude, it became completely ridiculous.
01:48:51.000 Not only that, but the way they looked became completely ridiculous.
01:48:55.000 They went from being like a terrifying looking silverback gorilla to some sort of curious George halfway, you know, goofy looking, like smiling gorilla getting his dick sucked by a werewolf.
01:49:09.000 You know, it became completely cartoonish.
01:49:12.000 It was so strange.
01:49:13.000 I was like, I can't even wrap my head around how anybody would try to describe...
01:49:18.000 I mean, how are you going to tell me what's going on in my head?
01:49:21.000 That's awesome.
01:49:22.000 How are you going to tell...
01:49:22.000 When everything became a big gay joke, it's like you're running from a terrifying superior physical specimen in a giant silverback gorilla that you're trying to sedate through a wall with a needle?
01:49:36.000 What?
01:49:37.000 And then you run away and then...
01:49:38.000 Werewolf turns a corner and smashes into the grill and then they start blowing each other.
01:49:42.000 What the fuck, man?
01:49:44.000 Do you believe in those dream books?
01:49:46.000 No, you can't.
01:49:48.000 If that's not in there, I don't believe it.
01:49:50.000 If that's in a dream book, I'll give up.
01:49:52.000 And I'll tell you what, I swear to God, I'm fucking straight as they come.
01:49:56.000 It's not what this is about.
01:49:58.000 I am just not responsible for a lot of the fucking thoughts that spin around in my imagination sometimes.
01:50:04.000 I really don't believe I am.
01:50:06.000 I mean, it's not that I was thinking that this was a real thing.
01:50:10.000 It was like my brain just created the stupidest idea for a movie in the middle of a horrifying scenario.
01:50:18.000 Now, did you join into the monkeys at all?
01:50:21.000 Did you start having sex with them also?
01:50:23.000 No, I was trying to get away.
01:50:25.000 I was trying to get away, and then I realized they were just blowing each other.
01:50:27.000 So you used this as an escape, a way to escape.
01:50:28.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:50:29.000 They started blowing each other, and then I said, okay, I can get out of here.
01:50:31.000 But it became, like, cartoonish.
01:50:34.000 Now, did you walk away slow?
01:50:35.000 Like, you were watching the whole time, like, I'm getting out of here.
01:50:38.000 I tiptoed so that I didn't shock them, you know?
01:50:40.000 I feel like if you move too fast, they can't help but chase you.
01:50:43.000 They'll come out.
01:50:44.000 Yeah, it's like if you roll a ball in the yarn past a kitten, they run after it.
01:50:48.000 They can't help themselves.
01:50:49.000 It's just instinctual.
01:50:50.000 They say that's what also happens with bikers, like mountain bikers and mountain lions.
01:50:54.000 Sometimes mountain lions, they see them moving fast and they literally can't help themselves.
01:50:58.000 They just chase after them.
01:50:59.000 So you want to make sure you don't do that.
01:51:00.000 So I walked away real slow while they were blowing each other.
01:51:02.000 So there you go, you guys.
01:51:04.000 There's a survival tip.
01:51:06.000 Yeah, if you ever come upon a werewolf and a gorilla sucking each other's cocks.
01:51:11.000 Yeah, what the fuck is that?
01:51:15.000 Good luck, Freud.
01:51:16.000 Good luck dissecting that memory or that idea.
01:51:20.000 But the weird thing is that it was so vivid.
01:51:22.000 These pills, for whatever reason, give you these incredibly vivid dreams.
01:51:26.000 What's in them?
01:51:28.000 Good question.
01:51:28.000 I should probably know, right?
01:51:29.000 I'm telling everybody to take them.
01:51:32.000 Supposedly, everything there's on Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, Chris, or Aubrey, as he says.
01:51:39.000 Would you say Angelize?
01:51:40.000 Yeah, people keep on saying there's Angelize.
01:51:43.000 Angelize, what does that mean?
01:51:44.000 Angel eyes is that stuff that you give to dogs so when they tear, you know when a dog cries and it gets black underneath their eyes?
01:51:51.000 Angel eyes is something you put in their food when they eat so it doesn't, it takes that away.
01:51:56.000 And people online is like, does it have angel eyes?
01:51:59.000 I never knew that there was something, like, people were concerned with their dog's tears.
01:52:04.000 Oh, it can look gross.
01:52:06.000 When you get, like, a white dog and it's really spraying that yellow shit out, it looks like...
01:52:09.000 Yeah, but what the fuck are you doing to the dog?
01:52:12.000 What does that angelize...
01:52:13.000 It's their protein.
01:52:13.000 It's, like, too much zinc or something weird like that.
01:52:16.000 Oh, so it's just sort of holistic?
01:52:18.000 Yeah.
01:52:18.000 Oh, okay.
01:52:19.000 Yeah.
01:52:19.000 Okay, what the fuck are we talking about?
01:52:21.000 Well, before angelize, we're talking about a 69ing werewolf gorilla...
01:52:26.000 How did we get from that to Angel Eyes?
01:52:28.000 You were talking about the brain stuff.
01:52:30.000 The pills.
01:52:31.000 The brain pills.
01:52:32.000 Who knows what they're doing to us.
01:52:34.000 The sales pitch for the pills, I think we've got to work on it a little bit.
01:52:38.000 I'm not working on it.
01:52:39.000 I'm not selling it.
01:52:40.000 This is what I'm telling.
01:52:40.000 This is what I've decided to do.
01:52:42.000 I'm just going to be totally honest with how I feel with them.
01:52:47.000 I'm not a doctor, obviously.
01:52:49.000 If you're listening to any medical advice I give you, you're a silly person.
01:52:52.000 There's plenty of valid sources on the internet.
01:52:54.000 But I am a person with an objective experience.
01:52:57.000 And what I'll do is I'll take these fucking pills and I'll tell you what I feel like.
01:53:00.000 And what I feel like right now is I feel like they make my mind feel clearer.
01:53:05.000 And clear is a very subjective term, obviously.
01:53:08.000 But I feel like I have more energy, but it doesn't feel like a run-on, It's on sort of a spiky caffeine energy.
01:53:15.000 It feels like a...
01:53:17.000 I hate the word crisp and cleaner, but that's for lack of better words.
01:53:20.000 It's like seven up of energy.
01:53:22.000 Yeah, it does something good, man.
01:53:25.000 I enjoy it.
01:53:26.000 And it gives me very memorable dreams.
01:53:28.000 Not all of them involving gorillas and werewolves.
01:53:30.000 Some of them have been weird people dreams of some science fiction dreams.
01:53:35.000 I've had some crazy ones.
01:53:38.000 I had this crazy dream about a world with a thousand Nikola Tesla's that instead of just one super genius oddball crazy man like Tesla this it was like a subsect of the species and it's like a thousand of them and they just in A matter of a few years time had these giant metal floating ships all throughout cities and everything was run through wireless electricity.
01:54:05.000 And this was me somehow or another in the 1950s.
01:54:09.000 This 1000 Teslas had moved society so rapidly before anybody could even control it because they were so far advanced.
01:54:17.000 It was like a thousand of them all together creating all this shit.
01:54:20.000 And in the 1950s, there was flying ships, and there was a type of electronic connectivity that was very similar to the way we're doing it now, but different.
01:54:30.000 Everyone could talk to people from these handsets that were all throughout the city.
01:54:34.000 Everyone was congested in this one place, and you could move to any handset and constantly be contacting people.
01:54:41.000 It's very trippy, man.
01:54:42.000 It was really weird.
01:54:43.000 Because it was like 1950s aesthetic, like the way people dress and a man going to work with a leather briefcase and even the certain type of hats they would wear with their glasses on Father Knows Best.
01:54:55.000 Meanwhile, there's flying metal ships and electricity in the air.
01:55:00.000 Tesla wanted to broadcast electricity.
01:55:03.000 He wanted it to be like radio signals.
01:55:05.000 And have it just fly through the air.
01:55:07.000 But then anybody could, just like radio, just all you need is a receiver to take it.
01:55:11.000 There's no fucking money in that.
01:55:13.000 Yeah, that's right.
01:55:15.000 He had a lot of shit that he invented that, you know, they took away his trunks.
01:55:20.000 They had all his writing in it.
01:55:22.000 That's kind of crazy.
01:55:24.000 He was a fascinating, fascinating dude.
01:55:25.000 But in this crazy dream, the dream, like, almost had a title.
01:55:27.000 It was a thousand Teslas.
01:55:29.000 There was all these little crazy-looking dudes, eccentric-looking super-geniuses running around all together, like a thousand of them, creating all this nutty shit.
01:55:38.000 No one could keep up with the effects.
01:55:40.000 It was nothing like the slower pace that we've had to endure over.
01:55:44.000 Really, and you think about it, an extra half of a century ain't shit.
01:55:48.000 It's really not that much time ever to...
01:55:50.000 To have all this new technology together.
01:55:52.000 But if it all burst together in the 1950s, if we had all the access to all the different disciplines that we have today, if we had them in the 1950s, if there was really that kind of an evolutionary growth immediately from 1900 to 1950, that would be incredible.
01:56:07.000 That would be so fascinating.
01:56:09.000 If in a lifetime we go from 1900 to us right now, or advanced, or even more advanced, in 50 years.
01:56:16.000 Yeah, like if the singularity happened in the 50s.
01:56:19.000 Exactly.
01:56:21.000 Do you believe in the multiverse stuff?
01:56:24.000 I'm too stupid.
01:56:26.000 I'm too stupid to argue about it.
01:56:27.000 I read some new thing about...
01:56:30.000 I forget what it was that made them believe some sort of sound, something vibration.
01:56:36.000 What was the latest...
01:56:38.000 There's some latest evidence of a multiverse.
01:56:41.000 Do you know what it is?
01:56:42.000 No.
01:56:43.000 On the internet.
01:56:44.000 It's all still what-ifs, though.
01:56:46.000 That's the only bad thing about the whole thing.
01:56:47.000 We're never going to probably find out in our lifetime.
01:56:50.000 I don't know about that, man.
01:56:52.000 I don't know about that.
01:56:53.000 Man, if you look back, if you want to see how much we've advanced, just go back like we were talking about earlier and check out the medical ideas that people had, the scientific ideas people had.
01:57:01.000 Here it is right here.
01:57:02.000 First observational test of the multiverse.
01:57:05.000 The theory that our universe is contained inside a bubble, and that bubble That multiple alternate universes exist inside their own bubbles, making up the multiverse, is for the first time being tested by physicists.
01:57:20.000 Two research papers published in Physical Review Letters and Physical Review D are the first to detail how to search for signatures of other universes.
01:57:32.000 Physicists are now searching for disk-like patterns in the cosmic microwave background.
01:57:37.000 Relic heat radiation left over from the Big Bang, which could provide telltale evidence of collisions between other universes and our own.
01:57:45.000 Whoa.
01:57:47.000 Collisions.
01:57:48.000 Evidence of collisions of universes.
01:57:52.000 What the fuck, dude?
01:57:54.000 Collisions.
01:57:55.000 That's the alternative concept to the Big Bang as well.
01:57:59.000 The idea that our universe, whether it's in a bubble like the multiverse or the people that propose membranes, they propose that the brains collide at certain points and that creates a recycling of the world.
01:58:11.000 We just can't wrap our head around something that's that far away.
01:58:16.000 Or that much longer a period of existence than our own life.
01:58:21.000 The idea of this cycle that's billions and billions of years.
01:58:25.000 We are so important in our own lives that the idea that that's how small a part we play for real.
01:58:32.000 I'm going to exist for 80 years inside some weird biological body in some crazy process that happens.
01:58:39.000 Every 16, 17 billion years these things collide with each other and everything starts Completely from new.
01:58:47.000 No planets, man.
01:58:48.000 No nothing.
01:58:49.000 Just particles and gas and heat and nuclear explosions and fucking mass connects all these different objects together and they slowly form planets and then life grows on them and then life becomes complex life, becomes intelligent, self-aware life, creates technology, goes to war, blows up the fucking universe.
01:59:09.000 And then they collide again, and more collide all around, and it's a constant cycle of society, life, everything, the universe, complexity gets to a certain peak, and then they just hit each other.
01:59:21.000 Boom!
01:59:22.000 Maybe it's not that much time in between each collision.
01:59:25.000 Maybe it's not.
01:59:26.000 Maybe a genius thought or a really great idea, when people have super great ideas, maybe that's a collision that's happened.
01:59:35.000 Maybe it happens on the micro scale and not just on the macro scale.
01:59:42.000 Perhaps there's super tiny universes that bubble against stars and manifest in the form of somebody Who came up with the theory of relativity or some kind of culture-shaping idea like communism or something like that.
01:59:59.000 Maybe that every great idea is just a projection of the multiverse coming through people and manifesting here as massive global change.
02:00:08.000 And maybe we're getting hit by more of them now, like a meteor swarm of these other universes bumping into ours.
02:00:16.000 Falcon McKenna wrote this awesome, weird story.
02:00:20.000 Did you ever read this thing?
02:00:21.000 He talked about how right around when Christianity started, the universe ripped into a multiverse and there's another advanced dimension right next to ours that's concerned over the fact that we have nuclear weapons.
02:00:36.000 Normally we could be ignored, but the fact we have nuclear weapons kind of like...
02:00:42.000 Makes things in multiverses next to us that are aware of us worried.
02:00:46.000 But he wrote it not like it was real.
02:00:48.000 He wrote it in this strange way.
02:00:49.000 Like I couldn't tell if he was trying to write a metaphor or something.
02:00:52.000 I wish someone would find it.
02:00:53.000 It was fucking cool.
02:00:55.000 But...
02:00:56.000 This Tesla thing you're talking about, it's so funny because you have to think, okay, well I guess my brain just completely manufactured this alternate reality where super intelligent people had invented all these things.
02:01:08.000 That's like one version of it.
02:01:09.000 Or the other version, which a lot of I think shamans talk about, is the idea of the spirit world, where at that moment your astral body You're a leak of some weird Some weird coordinate of the multiverse is coming through you now as you talk
02:01:39.000 about this thing that's like it's a dream.
02:01:41.000 Maybe there's some fucking part of the multiverse where werewolf 69 gorillas.
02:01:46.000 I gotta stay the fuck away from there.
02:01:50.000 To me it was almost like a little message that everything is preposterous.
02:01:55.000 Do you ever stop and wonder how much of your life, how much of the things that you go through are real?
02:02:06.000 And how much of it may be some sort of background noise going on?
02:02:12.000 And this weird play that you're creating for yourself that your imagination has put forth.
02:02:17.000 And then someday you're going to understand it all.
02:02:18.000 But right now, it's all the people that are in front of you are the bit players and you're supposed to be trying to figure this fucking thing out as you move along.
02:02:25.000 All that stuff that's going on in the background, car accidents and war.
02:02:28.000 It seems like there's too many pieces going together too.
02:02:31.000 Too many times I'm like, that's just weird that that just happened like that.
02:02:36.000 It just seems like it's just...
02:02:37.000 Like you're manifesting things with your own mind too.
02:02:41.000 It's not foolproof.
02:02:43.000 It's not like you can prove it.
02:02:45.000 But there's something going on.
02:02:48.000 I think it is.
02:02:50.000 There's something to the idea that when you know someone is going to call you and then you pick up the phone and it's them, that's just weird.
02:02:59.000 There's something to that.
02:03:00.000 I don't know what it is.
02:03:02.000 But I don't buy that it's just coincidence.
02:03:06.000 It may be coincidence sometimes, but I've had sharp moments where I thought of somebody and I looked at the phone and it started ringing and it was them.
02:03:15.000 Like sharp moments.
02:03:17.000 Like, I don't know what that is.
02:03:19.000 I don't know what it is.
02:03:20.000 You could say that it's just luck and anticipation meeting each other, you know, that I was hoping that person called me, but not even, man.
02:03:26.000 Sometimes you don't even think about that person for a long time, and all of a sudden you think about them like, wow, I haven't talked to him in fucking ten years.
02:03:34.000 And then he leaves you an email.
02:03:35.000 Yeah.
02:03:36.000 And you're like, what is that?
02:03:38.000 It just happened to me, dude.
02:03:39.000 I just, on the Lavender Hour, I just did, my friend Brendan Walsh came in and we both go to the same medicinal marijuana dispensary.
02:03:48.000 And we were both talking about how awesome it is and the people who work there are really fucking cool.
02:03:53.000 And so I'm like, you know what, I'm going to do a commercial for this dispensary.
02:03:58.000 I want to do it the way commercials should be.
02:04:00.000 I'm not getting paid.
02:04:01.000 They don't even know who I am.
02:04:02.000 I'm just going to do this commercial because they're cool people and it's a cool fucking place.
02:04:07.000 There's a character on the Lavender Hour, a teacup pig.
02:04:09.000 He's basically a little hobo.
02:04:10.000 Like, I am so high right now!
02:04:13.000 I did this stupid commercial for them.
02:04:15.000 The next day I went in there to get my medicine and I walked in and the guy's like, hey!
02:04:21.000 Hey, look at this!
02:04:22.000 Look at this!
02:04:23.000 And he just pulled up on the computer the Lavender Hour episode where I did the advertisement.
02:04:29.000 Now, what the fuck are the odds of that?
02:04:31.000 The odds of that are pretty goddamn slim.
02:04:34.000 I mean, I think the odds that that guy would even hear about it are pretty slim, but if you consider the idea of me coming there at the exact time he had just pulled it up on the computer...
02:04:43.000 Dude, I don't think you have any idea how many people listen to you on this podcast.
02:04:48.000 I bet that guy probably was a big Podhead podcast fan, and he probably listens to this one or listens to yours, and he knew exactly who the fuck you were.
02:04:59.000 And he's seen you online because he thought you were hilarious.
02:05:02.000 When I find out about a comedian, someone that I think is funny, or a musician, some new music.
02:05:08.000 I just got into Queens of the Stone Age recently.
02:05:10.000 I've been looking up on them and reading all different articles about them and downloaded a couple of their CDs.
02:05:16.000 It's great stuff.
02:05:19.000 You recognize them.
02:05:21.000 So if this guy was like a Lavender Hour fan...
02:05:23.000 He wasn't.
02:05:23.000 His friend had told him about it.
02:05:24.000 I'm just saying the weird temporal coincidence of me coming...
02:05:28.000 I don't know why I even tried to pee on your parade.
02:05:30.000 Pee on the parade, man.
02:05:31.000 It's fun.
02:05:32.000 I wanted to be the voice of logic.
02:05:34.000 First of all, I mean, more people listen to your show than the Lavender Hour, for one.
02:05:42.000 You've got to get rid of that broad.
02:05:44.000 Get out of here.
02:05:46.000 I was like, holy shit, Joe.
02:05:49.000 I was like, oh man, don't go down that road.
02:05:54.000 No, please, man.
02:05:54.000 People love those kind of couple shows.
02:05:57.000 Jay Moore does it with his girl.
02:05:59.000 There was an article on our website about...
02:06:02.000 What's his face?
02:06:05.000 Who the fuck does it with his girl?
02:06:07.000 Bill Burr.
02:06:08.000 Bill Burr.
02:06:08.000 Jesus Christ.
02:06:09.000 Bill Burr and his girlfriend will get into arguments.
02:06:11.000 And he does it on his Monday morning podcast.
02:06:13.000 There was a whole thread about how they love it when Bill Burr's girlfriend comes on.
02:06:17.000 Because it's fun.
02:06:19.000 I think that's some of the funniest moments when we start arguing.
02:06:22.000 Kevin Smith's funny with his wife.
02:06:23.000 That was an interesting one.
02:06:25.000 It's a different dynamic, man.
02:06:27.000 Husband and wives have weird dynamics.
02:06:29.000 Men and women have weird dynamics.
02:06:32.000 Doing yours, I love doing your podcast.
02:06:33.000 It was fun.
02:06:34.000 It was fun seeing you in this different environment.
02:06:38.000 Whenever you and I do a podcast, we do it over here.
02:06:41.000 But doing it over there, it was cool to see you and her have this relationship.
02:06:45.000 Real cute little banter thing going back and forth, and we're all sitting in this thing together, and you have to stop every 20 minutes because it's about to crash your hard drive.
02:06:55.000 It's so totally dunked.
02:06:56.000 It's like, oh, this is awesome.
02:06:57.000 It's awesome.
02:06:58.000 Hold on, guys.
02:06:59.000 I've got to save this.
02:06:59.000 I've got to save this.
02:07:00.000 It's just gold.
02:07:01.000 Hold on.
02:07:01.000 So every 20 minutes, he's saving it on his fucking sound effects.
02:07:05.000 Yes, then we fixed it.
02:07:06.000 We have a sound guy now.
02:07:07.000 You fixed it?
02:07:07.000 But you know what I like?
02:07:08.000 This is what I really liked about it.
02:07:10.000 She and you are very different, but she lets you be you.
02:07:14.000 She's not trying to change you.
02:07:15.000 And you're such an odd guy, Duncan.
02:07:19.000 You've had situations in the past where girls didn't kind of get that, that it was good, and they wanted to turn you into something else.
02:07:27.000 Do you remember the time we were thinking about quitting comedy and you were going to go back to school?
02:07:31.000 Yeah, because every time I get on the show, you remind me and everyone about it.
02:07:34.000 Well, it was a brilliant moment.
02:07:37.000 Yeah.
02:07:37.000 It was a beautiful moment.
02:07:38.000 It was a moment where...
02:07:40.000 Which I don't mind.
02:07:40.000 By the way, I was joking.
02:07:41.000 I don't mind.
02:07:41.000 No, I know, I know.
02:07:43.000 Who are you dating?
02:07:44.000 Sigourney Weaver?
02:07:45.000 Those moments when you realize that someone is morphing you and that you are trying to conform to what they like because you don't want them to leave you.
02:07:52.000 Those are creepy fucking weird moments, man.
02:07:56.000 That's terrible.
02:07:57.000 Those are scary moments.
02:07:58.000 Very scary.
02:07:59.000 Those are scary fucking moments.
02:08:01.000 Well, you know what?
02:08:03.000 It's an illusion of being scary because...
02:08:05.000 You know, I mean, well, no, it isn't.
02:08:07.000 For some people.
02:08:08.000 What happens if you put a baby inside one of those people?
02:08:10.000 What happens if, like, then you're chained to a person who's dissatisfied with you as a human?
02:08:19.000 But here's the thing, man.
02:08:21.000 Being with someone for a while, you're going to watch people go through phases.
02:08:26.000 And there are going to be some phases that people are in that maybe you're not so cool with.
02:08:32.000 You know what I mean?
02:08:32.000 And you have to differentiate between, is this person, or am I dissatisfied with some core aspect of this human, or are they just in a weird spot right now?
02:08:42.000 You know what I mean?
02:08:44.000 It's tricky being in a relationship.
02:08:46.000 You and your chick are unusual in that you're both in the same line of business and you work together and you still get along.
02:08:53.000 Yeah.
02:08:53.000 How the fuck does that happen?
02:08:57.000 Doesn't always happen.
02:08:58.000 It doesn't always happen.
02:08:59.000 We don't always get along.
02:09:01.000 We have a great relationship, but if you think that...
02:09:05.000 I mean, relationships aren't idyllic.
02:09:10.000 You know what I mean?
02:09:10.000 But what is it like?
02:09:11.000 And you open for her, right?
02:09:14.000 Yes.
02:09:15.000 That's kind of...
02:09:16.000 Your feature for her.
02:09:17.000 I'm not supposed to say open.
02:09:18.000 I'll open for her.
02:09:19.000 Whatever.
02:09:19.000 I open a lot of shit.
02:09:20.000 I open car doors for her.
02:09:22.000 I open everything.
02:09:22.000 I open fucking cans.
02:09:24.000 What I'm trying to say is she's a good comic, too.
02:09:26.000 She's a great comic, and she's fucking disciplined and really funny.
02:09:30.000 And when we work together, we...
02:09:34.000 Our synergy creates a lot of funny shit.
02:09:36.000 And I make her laugh, and she's got one of the greatest laughs I've ever heard.
02:09:40.000 And so that keeps me wanting to be funny around her.
02:09:44.000 And instead of her rejecting me being funny, she embraces it.
02:09:49.000 And you've had girls reject you being funny?
02:09:52.000 I wouldn't say reject me being funny, but I think it's more...
02:09:58.000 Is it a conformity thing that they wanted you to not have these crazy ideas?
02:10:03.000 It's always power, man.
02:10:04.000 Really?
02:10:04.000 It's not a conformity thing.
02:10:05.000 It's like you're either in a relationship with somebody where you can create a symbiosis and merge your power together and you both want each other to be successful, or you're in a situation with someone where somebody wants to be on top.
02:10:16.000 Somebody wants to be ahead.
02:10:17.000 Someone wants to be literally on top in every single way.
02:10:22.000 If you're in a relationship where somebody's trying to repress your creativity out of fear, then as a human being, you have to get out of that relationship.
02:10:32.000 But it's not that easy when you're in love with somebody.
02:10:33.000 What do you mean by what you were just saying?
02:10:36.000 Someone that always wants to be on top?
02:10:39.000 Yeah, on top.
02:10:41.000 On top of the game, on top of you in every way.
02:10:44.000 The dominant.
02:10:45.000 The dominant one.
02:10:46.000 If you're with someone...
02:10:48.000 You've had that, man?
02:10:49.000 Oh, yeah.
02:10:50.000 I would say you did, weren't you?
02:10:52.000 Like that one girl?
02:10:54.000 Full on.
02:10:55.000 Someone just constantly fucking with you.
02:10:58.000 Constantly telling you what to do.
02:11:00.000 Really?
02:11:00.000 Yeah, but I think the important thing to realize, though...
02:11:04.000 She has a vagina.
02:11:05.000 No.
02:11:06.000 Yeah, exactly.
02:11:07.000 It's a life of hell, but it's true.
02:11:08.000 There are fucking shades of this that we're talking about.
02:11:11.000 There are shades of this.
02:11:12.000 And the reason it's kind of a common...
02:11:16.000 It's a common thing when you see in a sitcom or a movie the theme of, yes dear, whatever she wants is what goes.
02:11:24.000 It's because we're talking about some form of interaction that happens between the masculine and feminine energies.
02:11:33.000 Well, you know what's really interesting?
02:11:35.000 You've grown more as a person.
02:11:40.000 You've always been...
02:11:42.000 A guy who's really pretty introspective and kind of brutally honest about yourself, pro or con, but when you're in a steady relationship, I always feel like, especially right now, you're in a healthy one, you're in a way different place creatively.
02:11:59.000 You're able to express yourself without the burden There's a lot of psychological fucking warfare that goes on in constantly bad relationships that really clouds up the mind.
02:12:10.000 And when you're in a healthy relationship, like you are, it allows you to think about things much clearer.
02:12:17.000 Your ability to describe reality, just over the past few years, you've gotten so much better at it, man.
02:12:25.000 Your writing's gotten better.
02:12:27.000 Your comedy's gotten better.
02:12:28.000 You've always been a super smart dude.
02:12:30.000 But I think that when you're in a position where you find someone who doesn't try to fucking change who you are, it's so important.
02:12:41.000 It's the worst thing in the world to see one of your friends stuck in some situation where someone's trying to get him to be something that he's not.
02:12:48.000 Right.
02:12:48.000 Not encourage him to do what he wants to do, but to get him to be...
02:12:51.000 You're never going to make it as a comedian.
02:12:53.000 Just give this up.
02:12:54.000 Yeah, the thing about...
02:12:55.000 You can write books.
02:12:56.000 You can write books.
02:12:57.000 Yeah, I get encouraged.
02:12:58.000 It's a very cool relationship because I get encouraged to go on stage more.
02:13:03.000 It's more like, you got to go on stage more.
02:13:05.000 You got to go up all the time.
02:13:06.000 You got to work harder.
02:13:06.000 Why do you get on stage?
02:13:08.000 Dude, you got to do stand-up.
02:13:09.000 Go on the road.
02:13:09.000 Get a headlining set.
02:13:10.000 Exactly.
02:13:11.000 That's like...
02:13:11.000 A really good situation to be in.
02:13:14.000 For you, for sure.
02:13:15.000 But, you know, if she was married to some square dude who's like, you know, fucking accountant or something like that, it's like, you know, her interests and needs and weirdness would probably be too much for him.
02:13:26.000 You know what I mean?
02:13:27.000 It's like you guys meet at the perfect time your weirdness and your comedy, your creativity.
02:13:32.000 She understands it.
02:13:34.000 She gets it.
02:13:35.000 She gets what you're doing.
02:13:36.000 She gets that this is going to result in you killing on stage.
02:13:41.000 Whereas someone who doesn't see you as being successful enough thinks that they can fix you and mold you and turn you into something respectable they can bring at parties.
02:13:49.000 Oh, this is my boyfriend Duncan.
02:13:50.000 He's a professor at Cornell.
02:13:52.000 What do you teach?
02:13:53.000 Well, you know, mostly ancient history, but...
02:13:56.000 Some philosophy.
02:13:57.000 Can I get you another drink?
02:13:59.000 You know, you got leather, those suede patches on your elbows, and you're just thinking about telling a great suck my cock joke and killing in front of a large crowd at the comedy store on a Friday night, a nice 10 o'clock spot.
02:14:12.000 You're crushing.
02:14:13.000 You're thinking about that while you're hanging out with some dildos, some stupid house where they eat French cheese and come in their pants.
02:14:25.000 And then you watch two monkeys fuck.
02:14:28.000 I knew a dude from France and him and his wife became friends with them and they had me over for some weird dish that they have with non-pasteurized cheeses and he was like really adamant about that that when they homogenize and pasteurize cheese in America it fucks up the flavor so he has to sneak this shit over.
02:14:45.000 Illegal cheese.
02:14:46.000 Yeah, he actually sneaks it over.
02:14:48.000 Wow.
02:14:49.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:14:49.000 He puts it in a container that says it's pasteurized or marginalized.
02:14:53.000 They have people that will do it for him because it stinks.
02:14:55.000 It's got all this bacteria in it.
02:14:58.000 But it's so good.
02:15:00.000 I'm sorry, but that's what blue cheese is.
02:15:02.000 You look at those crumbles, the blue cheese, the blue part, that's like fucking mold, man.
02:15:06.000 Why would it be illegal, though, just because it's considered like a poison or something?
02:15:09.000 That's a good question.
02:15:10.000 I think it's a really good question.
02:15:12.000 I think just for public health concerns, when you like raw milk, it's like real dangerous.
02:15:17.000 You can only keep it for a certain amount of time.
02:15:19.000 You know, how long is it good for?
02:15:20.000 I mean, regular milk's good for like a month.
02:15:22.000 Raw milk can't be good for more than like seven or nine days or something like that, I would imagine.
02:15:27.000 And you know, people can get sick.
02:15:29.000 I think that's some of the theory behind it, is that when you homogenize things, pasteurize them, you can keep them on the shelf longer.
02:15:37.000 But that's also how you apparently cook the enzymes.
02:15:41.000 That's one of the reasons why people have lactose intolerance, but some people with lactose intolerance can actually drink raw milk and not have any problems with it.
02:15:49.000 Weird.
02:15:50.000 Yeah, but raw milk tastes delicious, dude.
02:15:52.000 Raw whole milk, it's like really, it tastes really good.
02:15:55.000 Like with cookies, oh, it's the shit.
02:15:58.000 It's so like rich and creamy and, you know, and it seems so alive when you drink it as opposed to like, you know, when you drink regular homogenized pasteurized milk.
02:16:07.000 That's just like milk body.
02:16:09.000 Yeah.
02:16:09.000 It's dead milk.
02:16:10.000 It's almost water.
02:16:11.000 It's almost like just white water or something.
02:16:13.000 It's not...
02:16:14.000 So weird.
02:16:15.000 It comes from a cow.
02:16:16.000 This cheese that I got in Paris.
02:16:18.000 God, you sound like a jerk.
02:16:19.000 When you talk like this, you sound like such a jerk.
02:16:21.000 But this cheese I had, it was like...
02:16:23.000 It was not just like...
02:16:27.000 A little bit of mold, like you'll get cheesier and you'll see the green stuff.
02:16:29.000 It was like flourishing mold.
02:16:32.000 Like when you leave, like just rising above the cheese, just like glowing with mold.
02:16:37.000 And it was so good.
02:16:38.000 You just ate the mold.
02:16:39.000 I ate it all.
02:16:40.000 I ate the mold.
02:16:42.000 Did you get any diarrhea or weird feelings?
02:16:44.000 Yes!
02:16:45.000 Oh, God!
02:16:46.000 I don't even want to talk about what I did do at Jazz Club.
02:16:50.000 Why would you even eat that cheese?
02:16:52.000 Wait a minute.
02:16:53.000 So you had all this delicious food and you got mad diarrhea.
02:16:56.000 And you're trying to get us to eat it.
02:16:57.000 It wasn't diarrhea.
02:16:58.000 It was something worse.
02:17:00.000 Diarrhea is not the right name for it.
02:17:02.000 Did your girl get it too?
02:17:03.000 No, I don't think so.
02:17:04.000 Did she eat the same stuff you ate?
02:17:06.000 Yeah.
02:17:06.000 If she got it, she didn't tell me.
02:17:08.000 Well, good for her.
02:17:08.000 That's good for her.
02:17:09.000 That's nice.
02:17:10.000 She went CIA with it.
02:17:11.000 I don't want to tell a shit story.
02:17:13.000 She's a good girl.
02:17:14.000 It was very intense, what it did to my stomach.
02:17:17.000 Dude, there's nothing wrong with a good shit story.
02:17:18.000 I was in this jazz club in Paris, and I have...
02:17:25.000 First of all, if you say that to the right girl, you're in.
02:17:29.000 Not when I followed up with this.
02:17:31.000 Okay.
02:17:32.000 I... Like, what I did to the bathroom...
02:17:37.000 Because, like, when I got up after I'd finished...
02:17:39.000 I'm trying to make this as not...
02:17:40.000 When I was done with my shit and I looked back at the toilet...
02:17:45.000 It was like a shit bazooka had come out of my...
02:17:48.000 It was like everything was just covered.
02:17:51.000 Everything.
02:17:52.000 Like, it was crazy.
02:17:54.000 I panicked.
02:17:56.000 I was like, God, I gotta get out of here.
02:17:57.000 I gotta get out of here.
02:17:58.000 If someone walks in here now, I might get arrested.
02:18:00.000 There's that much shit.
02:18:04.000 I might get arrested.
02:18:06.000 Like, they would arrest you for overshitting.
02:18:08.000 Look him in the creek.
02:18:11.000 Do you know girls share poop pictures with each other just like guys do?
02:18:14.000 Really?
02:18:15.000 They take pictures of their poop?
02:18:16.000 I would imagine.
02:18:17.000 Yeah, this is a new world.
02:18:19.000 Women should be allowed the freedom of shocking people with their giant poops.
02:18:23.000 I love it.
02:18:24.000 I wish I could put them online.
02:18:26.000 I wish I could put my pictures online.
02:18:27.000 That's a good picture.
02:18:28.000 You can.
02:18:29.000 Get the fuck out of here.
02:18:30.000 Nothing's stopping you.
02:18:32.000 Just intelligence.
02:18:34.000 Hey, you're going to be in New Orleans.
02:18:35.000 Nobody wants to see your shit, man.
02:18:37.000 I don't want to show my head.
02:18:38.000 I get upset when I see people's shit.
02:18:40.000 I don't know I'm going to see it.
02:18:41.000 Yeah, I'm going to be in New Orleans.
02:18:42.000 Yeah, you got to check out this restaurant in New Orleans.
02:18:45.000 It's crazy.
02:18:46.000 It's called Ocean's...
02:18:48.000 Hold on, I'll tell you right now.
02:18:50.000 I just started thinking about those catacombs and I'm freaking out again.
02:18:53.000 Ocean what?
02:18:54.000 Oceana Restaurant.
02:18:55.000 Oceana Restaurant.
02:18:55.000 Yeah, I just saw the show on TV. Is that the one Mencia owns?
02:18:59.000 Are you trying to trick me?
02:19:00.000 Is it really?
02:19:00.000 He owns something.
02:19:01.000 No, no, no.
02:19:03.000 They were on that show I was talking about once, Kitchen Nightmares.
02:19:06.000 And you've got to watch it.
02:19:07.000 Season 4, last episode of Season 4. But the guy on there is psyched and almost tried to beat up the chef.
02:19:14.000 And then the kitchen man or the head chef had some seizure thing going on with his face and they fired him on the show.
02:19:20.000 Anyways, they're completely crazy.
02:19:22.000 And so sometimes when people are on that show, I'll go on Yelp to see if their business is still in business.
02:19:28.000 Or see what their reviews now are.
02:19:30.000 And on their Yelp right now, it's like...
02:19:33.000 We came with 110 people.
02:19:34.000 We were trying to negotiate the bill.
02:19:36.000 Manager went psycho, called cops on to start throwing things, screaming.
02:19:41.000 And so you watch this episode and then you look at this Yelp.
02:19:44.000 This might be the craziest fucking place ever to go to.
02:19:48.000 Wow.
02:19:48.000 And then you look at their website and it's like a friendly website.
02:19:51.000 It's the happiest thing in the world.
02:19:54.000 It's crazy.
02:19:55.000 That's funny.
02:19:56.000 Have you ever been there before?
02:19:57.000 New Orleans?
02:19:58.000 Yes, a long time ago.
02:19:59.000 I was there for a UFC. It was in, who knows God when.
02:20:04.000 Nobody knew what the UFC was back then.
02:20:07.000 It was during the news radio days.
02:20:09.000 Yeah, I don't remember much.
02:20:10.000 I remember we put on some fights and left.
02:20:12.000 I remember I ate at a restaurant and people were saying, be careful, it's dangerous.
02:20:15.000 That's what I kept hearing.
02:20:16.000 Be careful, it's dangerous.
02:20:17.000 Yeah, people kept saying, yeah, be careful, it's dangerous.
02:20:20.000 People get robbed.
02:20:22.000 Yeah.
02:20:22.000 There's apparently an extraordinary amount of crime around New Orleans.
02:20:25.000 My dad would take me to New Orleans.
02:20:27.000 He'd go to a bar.
02:20:28.000 He'd give me like 60 bucks.
02:20:31.000 I'd get fucking drunk and wander down the street and just take nitrous oxide hits.
02:20:36.000 Hold on a second.
02:20:37.000 How old were you?
02:20:38.000 I think I was like...
02:20:41.000 16, 15, I don't know.
02:20:43.000 What?
02:20:43.000 I used to do that at 16 too.
02:20:45.000 Yeah, I would go down the street and get, because you could buy nitrous oxide balloons.
02:20:51.000 Crackers.
02:20:52.000 This is how bad a kid I was.
02:20:54.000 I spent all my money on a stripper and all these nitrous oxide balloons and some booze.
02:21:02.000 So I know it was money that was supposed to last for a couple of days that my dad had given me.
02:21:05.000 And then I told my dad I'd gotten mugged to get more money.
02:21:10.000 And I'm more nitrous oxide.
02:21:12.000 Isn't that crazy?
02:21:13.000 The Easy Whip Corporation, half of their profit is just from people, 16-year-olds, doing balloons.
02:21:18.000 Isn't that crazy?
02:21:19.000 Come on, half their profit?
02:21:21.000 I mean, that's everything.
02:21:22.000 You can't say that.
02:21:23.000 It has to be.
02:21:23.000 I used to buy cases of that.
02:21:24.000 Oh, I thought you were reading something online.
02:21:26.000 Oh, I'm sure, man.
02:21:28.000 I bet it's not even 1%.
02:21:30.000 No way.
02:21:31.000 No, 16-year-olds, all 16-year-olds do it.
02:21:34.000 Easy Whip?
02:21:34.000 One out of 100. How many people do you know that make their own whipped cream?
02:21:39.000 Yeah, exactly.
02:21:40.000 Yeah, exactly.
02:21:42.000 Thank you, Duncan.
02:21:44.000 I've made my own whipped cream.
02:21:45.000 It's awesome.
02:21:46.000 Here's some homemade whipped cream, everyone.
02:21:49.000 Enjoy.
02:21:49.000 I made this myself.
02:21:50.000 Listen, I have done it a couple times, and it is delicious.
02:21:53.000 I think most people buy the whipped stuff.
02:21:56.000 Don't get me wrong.
02:21:57.000 I've made it a couple times.
02:21:59.000 It's pretty badass.
02:22:00.000 You gotta get one of those blender things where there's two whisks and they spin with each other and you get it in a bowl and you add all the ingredients.
02:22:06.000 I've done it a couple times.
02:22:07.000 It's pretty dope.
02:22:08.000 Real whipped cream tastes better.
02:22:10.000 Because, you know, just...
02:22:12.000 But, you know, come on, man.
02:22:14.000 I ain't making that shit.
02:22:15.000 I don't have the time for that.
02:22:17.000 No way.
02:22:18.000 But the stuff that's in the cans, that doesn't taste as good.
02:22:22.000 That doesn't taste as good as real whipped cream.
02:22:23.000 If you go to a real restaurant and you get some real whipped cream with strawberries, shazam.
02:22:27.000 When I see a can of whipped cream, to this day, all I think about is how high I can make it.
02:22:33.000 Me too.
02:22:34.000 That's all that comes to my mind when I see a can of whipped cream.
02:22:38.000 I had a friend in high school introduce me to Whippets, and after that...
02:22:43.000 I don't know if my parents thought I was trying to become a pastry chef or what the fuck they thought it was trying to do.
02:22:48.000 In Ohio, they sold it everywhere, too.
02:22:50.000 They used to sell it at video stores, Whippets.
02:22:53.000 Like, you'd come in, you'd buy a cracker, a balloon, and the Easy Whip at a video store.
02:22:57.000 That's how popular it was in Columbus.
02:22:58.000 Yeah, and so there's no whipped cream in it, then?
02:23:02.000 It's just the air?
02:23:03.000 No, no, it's just the air that you used to screw on the machines that would pump the air out, like, to go shh.
02:23:08.000 You learn how to do it.
02:23:09.000 You don't shake it up.
02:23:11.000 You buy it and you don't shake it up because the gas rises at the top.
02:23:14.000 So you just do it right off the top when you first do it?
02:23:17.000 No, I'm talking about these little canisters that you put in like a thing and then you put a balloon on and cracking it.
02:23:22.000 He's talking about sucking the whipped cream.
02:23:24.000 Yeah, I never did that.
02:23:25.000 That seems more like wasting your time.
02:23:28.000 So you're talking about just some nitrous oxide in a little container.
02:23:31.000 They sell Easy Whips.
02:23:32.000 Is that what it's called?
02:23:33.000 Nitrous oxide?
02:23:34.000 No.
02:23:34.000 N-O-2.
02:23:35.000 Is that what it is?
02:23:36.000 It's nitrous, I think.
02:23:38.000 Nitrous oxide.
02:23:38.000 Right.
02:23:39.000 But yeah, they come in these little containers, and you buy them by the case, and each balloon, then you have that metal cracker that looks kind of like something like a camping gear thing where you unscrew it, and you put it in, close it, you put the balloon on one side, and you crack it, and it just fills a whole balloon, and then you just take the balloon.
02:23:54.000 I know what you're talking about.
02:23:56.000 When I was a kid, I worked at one of those ice cream places called Newport's Creamery.
02:24:01.000 Newport Creamery, they served like cheeseburgers and shit.
02:24:03.000 I was a cook for a little while, and I got fucking horrible zits from that.
02:24:06.000 That's the nastiest ever.
02:24:07.000 But I also scooped ice cream and made ice cream sundaes, and we would have to go replenish the containers because they would make their own whipped cream.
02:24:14.000 So they had these giant fucking containers of nitric oxide.
02:24:18.000 And everyone was a burnout.
02:24:19.000 They would all go back there.
02:24:20.000 Did you do it?
02:24:21.000 I only did it once.
02:24:22.000 I didn't like it.
02:24:22.000 That was my, I was scared of drugs days.
02:24:25.000 That was all my martial arts days.
02:24:28.000 You know what that sound is, don't you?
02:24:29.000 Yeah.
02:24:29.000 What?
02:24:30.000 God's helicopter.
02:24:31.000 Is that what happens when you do the nitric trip?
02:24:34.000 Your sound just starts going in waves.
02:24:36.000 You hear the all.
02:24:37.000 That's what it sounds like?
02:24:37.000 You hear the all.
02:24:40.000 Okay, any truth to the fact that shit instantly makes you retarded?
02:24:43.000 It must.
02:24:44.000 It must, yeah.
02:24:44.000 Yeah.
02:24:50.000 Yeah, it seems like it would fuck you up hardcore.
02:24:52.000 But it's not as bad as disc cleaner.
02:24:55.000 When I couldn't find a nitrous, I would get disc cleaner for keyboards and stuff like that.
02:24:59.000 What?
02:24:59.000 That shit was way worse.
02:25:01.000 I remember doing that and going, wow, this is horrible.
02:25:03.000 Are you talking about amyl nitrate that they sell at video stores?
02:25:05.000 No, no, no.
02:25:06.000 You're talking about the spray.
02:25:07.000 The spray.
02:25:08.000 The wind spray?
02:25:09.000 I don't think they have it anymore.
02:25:10.000 I think it's air now.
02:25:11.000 This shit.
02:25:12.000 Yeah, let me see that.
02:25:13.000 Oh, no.
02:25:14.000 Not that.
02:25:15.000 Get high for us.
02:25:17.000 Don't do that.
02:25:18.000 Don't do it, please.
02:25:19.000 I'm just kidding.
02:25:20.000 I think that's just canned air.
02:25:21.000 We'll find out.
02:25:23.000 Yeah, I don't think they'd make it anymore.
02:25:24.000 Maybe not.
02:25:25.000 I don't know.
02:25:26.000 A century duster.
02:25:28.000 Maybe.
02:25:28.000 I kind of feel a little light hitting.
02:25:30.000 Do you?
02:25:31.000 So what would that stuff do to you?
02:25:33.000 It would do almost the same thing as nitrous, but it was grosser.
02:25:37.000 Like, after you're done, you're like, ugh, that's nasty.
02:25:39.000 It seems like it's what you're experiencing is just oxygen being cut out of your bloodstream and your body almost dying.
02:25:44.000 Yeah.
02:25:45.000 Think about how many different ways people have sought to achieve altered states of consciousness.
02:25:49.000 Huffing paint.
02:25:50.000 Hanging themselves and jerking off while they wear lingerie.
02:25:53.000 Yeah, how about that?
02:25:54.000 I was watching The Wonderful Whites of West Virginia again on the plane, and one of the things they were talking about was Jesco and how much gasoline he sniffed, that he huffed so much gasoline he could tell the difference between regular and high test.
02:26:09.000 He doesn't have to look at the sign.
02:26:10.000 Oh, and he was talking about how he huffed gasoline for 10 years.
02:26:13.000 Oh, my God.
02:26:14.000 Have you seen My Strange Addiction?
02:26:16.000 No.
02:26:17.000 What is that?
02:26:17.000 It's a show on TLC, and one of the episodes is a woman who's addicted to sniffing gasoline.
02:26:22.000 Oh, my God.
02:26:23.000 I wake up in the morning and sniff gas.
02:26:25.000 She's, like, super hooked on it, so her house is just filled with, like, old bottles of, like, gas, and she brings in gas.
02:26:31.000 Oh, my God.
02:26:31.000 She spends all her money on gas.
02:26:33.000 Oh, my God.
02:26:33.000 She's a gal.
02:26:34.000 She's just addicted to huffing gas.
02:26:36.000 She loves it.
02:26:38.000 What the fuck is that?
02:26:39.000 Is that psychological?
02:26:40.000 It must be, right?
02:26:41.000 Yeah, because she's like...
02:26:42.000 Can you get addicted?
02:26:43.000 Yeah, you can.
02:26:44.000 I mean, shit, watch that episode.
02:26:46.000 Is it she's addicted or she craves it?
02:26:48.000 Kind of like that disease where you crave eating dirt.
02:26:50.000 If you've been huffing gas for 15 years, you're crazy.
02:26:52.000 Yeah, but what I'm saying is, does it become physically addictive?
02:26:55.000 Like, they think that Amy Winehouse, one of the speculations that Amy Winehouse died because she tried to quit alcohol cold turkey.
02:27:03.000 Which can happen to people.
02:27:04.000 Yeah.
02:27:05.000 But they know that happens to people.
02:27:06.000 They also found medication in her room.
02:27:07.000 Who knows?
02:27:08.000 But you're right.
02:27:09.000 It's very possible.
02:27:10.000 But my point is that it is possible for that to happen.
02:27:12.000 They know that that's a documentable occurrence.
02:27:15.000 People just quit.
02:27:16.000 They die.
02:27:18.000 Oh, yeah.
02:27:18.000 You need to wean yourself off the alcohol.
02:27:19.000 Totally.
02:27:20.000 It's too much stress in your system to just quit.
02:27:21.000 They can kill you.
02:27:22.000 It's amazing.
02:27:23.000 Delirium tremens.
02:27:24.000 You hallucinate and you die.
02:27:26.000 And it's probably several drugs that are like that.
02:27:29.000 Very addictive drugs that are like that.
02:27:30.000 Yeah.
02:27:31.000 Yeah.
02:27:31.000 There's antidepressants that if you get off of, you'll get vertigo.
02:27:36.000 Dude, have you seen the fucking commercials for that game, Deuce?
02:27:40.000 Something X? The one where people become cyborgs?
02:27:44.000 Oh, it's a new video game.
02:27:46.000 Man, I watched that.
02:27:47.000 It's an insane...
02:27:48.000 Dose X. Dose X? I think that's how you say it, but yeah, that's a really old game, man.
02:27:54.000 And this is the newest version of this really old concept that was like a really wicked game, if I remember.
02:28:00.000 It was made by the same guys that made Daikatana.
02:28:04.000 It was like this faction of id software that broke off and there was this character, I think his name was Romero.
02:28:11.000 And he started this company, and they made two games, and one of them had all this hype behind it.
02:28:16.000 It was called Daikatana, and I thought it was pretty badass.
02:28:19.000 It was great, like, deathmatch style.
02:28:21.000 He was like a Quake 1 guy.
02:28:22.000 He was with Quake from the very beginning.
02:28:25.000 But this other game, they made this Dos X. I'm pretty sure it's the same company, and this game was apparently wicked.
02:28:30.000 Dude, fucking the commercial.
02:28:32.000 Have you seen the commercial with the cyborgs begging?
02:28:35.000 Because they're on this drug that you have to be on or your body rejects the cybernetic part.
02:28:39.000 So it's all these people with cyborg arms or hookers with cyborg legs begging because they have to pay for this medicine that you have to take to keep yourself alive.
02:28:51.000 I don't know what the gameplay is like because this seems like...
02:28:55.000 Just pure CGI, like, movie making.
02:28:58.000 So I don't know what the gameplay's like.
02:28:59.000 Is this a, um, is it an Xbox game or a PC game?
02:29:02.000 I don't know.
02:29:03.000 What game?
02:29:04.000 Dose X. D-U-E. D-U-X or D-U-X. It's got an X in it.
02:29:14.000 It was a computer game, but I think they also ported it over to something.
02:29:18.000 It was a couple years ago, right?
02:29:19.000 No, this one's coming out this month.
02:29:22.000 The first one came out a long time ago.
02:29:24.000 I might be confused with linking it up with the people from Daikatana.
02:29:27.000 Sorry, uber nerds and geeks, if I've steered you wrong.
02:29:31.000 Do you remember Daikatana?
02:29:32.000 No.
02:29:32.000 It's pretty dope.
02:29:34.000 It was fun.
02:29:34.000 It was disappointing to a lot of people because they thought it was kind of derivative.
02:29:39.000 You know, a bunch of other games that existed.
02:29:41.000 But to me, it was pretty fucking fun.
02:29:43.000 Especially the Deathmatch was really fun.
02:29:44.000 I don't need any other game than StarCraft 2. You don't like fast twitch games like Quake?
02:29:51.000 Starcraft 2 is fast twitch.
02:29:52.000 Yeah, but sort of.
02:29:53.000 Look, he got all defensive.
02:29:55.000 Did you notice?
02:29:57.000 2v2 Gold League.
02:29:58.000 He got a little defensive, right?
02:29:59.000 Me?
02:29:59.000 He did.
02:29:59.000 I did.
02:30:00.000 I love that game.
02:30:02.000 He's a dick.
02:30:03.000 You're like, Starcraft 2 is fast twitch.
02:30:04.000 I'm in a constant argument with everyone over Starcraft 2. They think I'm a total dork.
02:30:10.000 Why is that?
02:30:11.000 Well, for one, playing Starcraft 2 is like, they think I'm a nerd.
02:30:14.000 How much are you playing?
02:30:15.000 Starcraft 2?
02:30:16.000 Yeah, how often?
02:30:16.000 About as much as a Korean, but not as much as a Chinese.
02:30:19.000 I don't know, three.
02:30:21.000 I'll admit, three games a day.
02:30:25.000 There's a lot of people right now saying that that's racist.
02:30:27.000 But meanwhile, ladies and gentlemen, listen to the context of using it.
02:30:30.000 He's saying it's awesome.
02:30:31.000 Yeah.
02:30:31.000 Saying it's awesome.
02:30:32.000 Yeah.
02:30:33.000 But let's be honest, Asians love that game.
02:30:35.000 They do.
02:30:36.000 They do, right?
02:30:36.000 Koreans love that game, right?
02:30:37.000 They're fucking great at it.
02:30:38.000 Don't they have like, we've talked about this before.
02:30:40.000 They have tournaments.
02:30:40.000 Yeah, they've televised things.
02:30:42.000 It's the first time I feel like I've been able to watch something akin to sports.
02:30:46.000 And really get excited about it because they just had this big tournament and they have like famous players and it was really cool to watch these two famous players compete against each other knowing the game and having played it seeing the crazy tricks they're using and the crazy control they have over so many Variables.
02:31:05.000 It's amazing to watch.
02:31:06.000 And then it's so funny because I was thinking, like, athletes of the future are all going to be fat and pale because, like, they cut to these guys who just played this insane game that's, like, required so much brainpower to control this stuff.
02:31:19.000 And since all they do is play computers, they're kind of emotionless.
02:31:23.000 Like, you cut to, like, a UFC fighter after he's just knocked someone out, and it's like watching Julius Caesar march into a city that he's just defeated.
02:31:32.000 It's fucking—you're watching glory.
02:31:33.000 When you cut to a StarCraft II fighter player who's just won a game, it's just kind of like, hmm.
02:31:40.000 One of them took his shirt off, because underneath it he was wearing a shirt that was, like, kind of insulting, and he's like, eh-heh.
02:31:46.000 Then walked over and, like, shook the guy's hand.
02:31:48.000 Oh, good job.
02:31:49.000 And that's it.
02:31:50.000 But meanwhile, they just did this crazy thing where they were controlling.
02:31:54.000 I never played the game.
02:31:55.000 I've watched the things online.
02:31:57.000 It's the best game of all time.
02:31:57.000 I don't understand what's happening, so I can't appreciate it.
02:32:01.000 You know what I mean?
02:32:02.000 It's the greatest game.
02:32:02.000 It's like SimCity in space.
02:32:05.000 It looks pretty crazy.
02:32:06.000 It looks like you gotta do a lot of different things and you're moving around a lot of different shit and you're setting things up all over the place.
02:32:13.000 Yeah, you're building, the idea is you're building up this economy by gathering resources.
02:32:18.000 And while you're building this economy, you're also constructing an army that has to be based on what your opponent's doing.
02:32:25.000 So you can't just...
02:32:26.000 Do the same thing over and over again.
02:32:28.000 You have to scout what your opponent's doing, and from seeing what they're doing, you understand what their strategy probably is.
02:32:34.000 And then you have to create a perfect offense to what they're doing while building a defense that works against the type of troops they're constructing.
02:32:44.000 Because it might not always...
02:32:46.000 You have to be completely reactive and you have to be able to do all of this.
02:32:51.000 It's like juggling.
02:32:52.000 You're juggling all these crazy balls at once and you have to be able to do this and also instantaneously react to shit that you don't expect to happen.
02:33:00.000 Isn't it crazy that the most satisfying game is a virtual representative of war?
02:33:05.000 Yeah.
02:33:06.000 Totally.
02:33:07.000 They pretty much all are.
02:33:08.000 Yeah.
02:33:09.000 Isn't that amazing?
02:33:10.000 All that Battlefield Earth, Call of Duty, Quake...
02:33:14.000 Mario Brothers.
02:33:15.000 Unreal Tournament.
02:33:16.000 The Mario Wars are so bloody.
02:33:18.000 It's all some sort of a futuristic or ancient war.
02:33:23.000 It's either like World War II or something like that or it's futuristic.
02:33:27.000 Fucking satisfies something.
02:33:28.000 Yeah, what the fuck, man?
02:33:29.000 You read that book War by Sebastian Junger where he describes what that's like to be behind a fucking machine gun blasting people.
02:33:38.000 He does this incredible description of it and the adrenaline that that creates is like Amazing.
02:33:44.000 But I'll tell you something else that creates adrenaline.
02:33:47.000 When I do a ten-pool rush into my opponent's base and my fucking speedlings encircle his base and devour it.
02:33:56.000 And then he has the audacity to text me and say that I was doing cheese moves.
02:34:02.000 That's the greatest feeling ever.
02:34:04.000 I see it, and I believe it, and I think that if I got into it, I'd fucking love it too.
02:34:09.000 I see the connection, but I can't do it.
02:34:12.000 Don't go there.
02:34:12.000 I got it deleted.
02:34:14.000 I'm deleting it tomorrow.
02:34:15.000 I think pool for me is a form of like a moving meditation.
02:34:19.000 When I'm running out, when I play pool, I'm using my body as well, and that's one of the things that I like about it the most.
02:34:24.000 I'm forcing my mind to control the exact amount of force my body exerts on a piece of wood that impacts a ball that collides it into another ball and moves around.
02:34:35.000 In order to do it right, I have to be in total tune with the amount of revolutions I'm causing this ball to turn over a nine-foot table.
02:34:43.000 That's what I'm trying to control.
02:34:44.000 To get into that real groove of being dead stroke where you really feel the movement, it really is like a form of meditation.
02:34:54.000 So that's why I prefer it over video games.
02:34:57.000 I had to pick my poison.
02:34:58.000 I had to pick, like, what thing am I allowing myself to be addicted to.
02:35:01.000 And I think I get more out of the pool than I did out of the video games.
02:35:06.000 The video games was fun as fuck, man.
02:35:08.000 I love them to this day.
02:35:09.000 But I can't play...
02:35:10.000 Have you played any of the Kinect games?
02:35:13.000 Like, there's a game right now called Child of Eden.
02:35:15.000 And if you fucking smoke some good weed or take some shrooms and stand in front of that game, you'll fucking feel like you're doing virtual reality.
02:35:21.000 If I'm alone at home, I'll fire up Gears of War for a goof and just go on a fucking rampage because it's fun.
02:35:26.000 Because it's just...
02:35:27.000 The graphics are so dope.
02:35:29.000 It's so wild seeing these fucking monsters that they've created.
02:35:32.000 I'll do that for fun on the big screen.
02:35:34.000 But yeah, man, you gotta moderate it.
02:35:36.000 That's the problem.
02:35:36.000 It's so fucking addictive.
02:35:38.000 And it's so easy to get lost in it.
02:35:41.000 It's really bad.
02:35:43.000 Lost.
02:35:44.000 But yet, it's so fucking fun.
02:35:47.000 And who is to say that that fun is less real than the fun that you get actually out there playing basketball?
02:35:54.000 You know?
02:35:54.000 I'll say it.
02:35:56.000 Can I say it?
02:35:56.000 It's less real?
02:35:56.000 Yeah, me too.
02:35:57.000 You think it's less real?
02:35:58.000 Yes.
02:35:58.000 But why?
02:35:59.000 What if you're just in tune and dominating on this fucking game?
02:36:02.000 I'll tell you why.
02:36:02.000 Why?
02:36:02.000 Because when I get done...
02:36:04.000 With an addictive session of World of Warcraft, and I've been playing, or I'm sorry, I used to be addicted to that, to Starcraft 2. When I get up after playing that game for like three or four hours straight and walk outside, I feel like I'm mentally disabled.
02:36:24.000 I feel drained, my sleep sucks.
02:36:27.000 When I fucking go to the gym or go jogging or do something like that, I feel great for the rest of the day.
02:36:34.000 So, video games are amazing, and weirdly, games that involve strategy, I think you can extrapolate some information from that that you can use in real life, but you gotta do it in very small doses.
02:36:44.000 It's like, that seems like the responsibility of human beings.
02:36:47.000 We've got this incredible brand new technology that's exploding in front of us.
02:36:51.000 The discipline is not to reject it totally.
02:36:55.000 Like those assholes when you hear, I don't even have a cell phone.
02:36:58.000 Yeah.
02:36:58.000 It's not to reject it.
02:37:00.000 The idea is to moderate it.
02:37:01.000 Learn how to use it like a tool.
02:37:03.000 How do you do it?
02:37:03.000 That's what everything is.
02:37:04.000 It's like when I said I was addicted to City of Heroes.
02:37:06.000 I used to always fantasize about jumping on from building to building just because I had been playing that video game so much and that was something I was doing repetitively, you know, all day, you know, all night.
02:37:15.000 If you drop me off in the middle of a castle and it looked like the scenes from Quake 1, I might start pretending I'm in a rocket launcher.
02:37:23.000 I don't know.
02:37:24.000 That'd be so fun.
02:37:24.000 I might start talking like one of those Quake cats.
02:37:26.000 Ow!
02:37:28.000 Ow!
02:37:29.000 Running down hallways with rocket launchers.
02:37:31.000 That's awesome.
02:37:32.000 Duncan, as usual, you're the best.
02:37:35.000 You're the best, man.
02:37:36.000 No, you're the best, man.
02:37:37.000 You are.
02:37:38.000 That was too much fun.
02:37:39.000 Too interesting.
02:37:40.000 And I'm going to enjoy all the taped phone conversations that the FBI will be tuning in to you and myself.
02:37:47.000 Get ready to get bored, FBI. I only have these conversations here.
02:37:51.000 My phone conversations suck.
02:37:53.000 Have fun with that.
02:37:55.000 Thank you to The Fleshlight for sponsoring the podcast.
02:37:58.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for The Fleshlight, enter in the code name ROGAN, and you will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men.
02:38:06.000 Thank you, everybody who came out to the show in Milwaukee.
02:38:08.000 Thanks to everybody who sang Happy Birthday to me.
02:38:10.000 That was one of the coolest things that I've ever had happen in my life.
02:38:14.000 It was pretty fun.
02:38:15.000 Milwaukee was the shit.
02:38:16.000 I had a great time.
02:38:17.000 Next big road gig is Denver, Colorado, September 23rd at the Paramount Theater.
02:38:24.000 And that's me and Joey motherfucking Diaz.
02:38:26.000 It's not New Orleans?
02:38:28.000 Is New Orleans in between that?
02:38:30.000 September 23rd?
02:38:31.000 When is New Orleans?
02:38:32.000 It is, hold on, I'll tell you right now.
02:38:37.000 I don't know.
02:38:39.000 It's the 16th of September?
02:38:42.000 9-16-2011.
02:38:45.000 Okay.
02:38:45.000 So there.
02:38:46.000 9-16-2011.
02:38:48.000 Ladies and gentlemen.
02:38:49.000 I'll be at the House of Blues in New Orleans.
02:38:52.000 Get there early because some people are going to have to stand up, unfortunately.
02:38:55.000 There was no other way I could get a show there.
02:38:57.000 There's no other place.
02:38:58.000 Do not get the stand-up seats.
02:39:00.000 You will hate it.
02:39:00.000 It sucks.
02:39:01.000 It sucks standing up.
02:39:02.000 But I'll try to be as energetic as possible.
02:39:04.000 Yeah.
02:39:05.000 I instituted a policy when Brian and I went to see Doug Stanhope, when we enjoyed the fuck out of Stanhope, as always, but it wasn't fun to stand and watch a show.
02:39:12.000 So I decided, you know what, I'm being rude asking people to stand and watch my shows.
02:39:16.000 Like, from now on, I'm gonna make sure that every show I do, people are seated.
02:39:20.000 But there was no places in town.
02:39:21.000 There was nothing I could do.
02:39:22.000 There was, like, small places that were, like, 50 seats.
02:39:25.000 Or, you know, the House of Blues.
02:39:27.000 So we're going to do the House of Blues, and it's a rare seating and standing show.
02:39:31.000 And that's September.
02:39:32.000 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
02:39:33.000 Go to JoeRogan.net for details.
02:39:35.000 All right.
02:39:35.000 Can I invite someone to a show?
02:39:36.000 Fuck yeah.
02:39:38.000 I'm in L.A. tonight.
02:39:40.000 Laugh Factory.
02:39:41.000 Tomorrow night.
02:39:41.000 What time?
02:39:42.000 Comedy Store.
02:39:43.000 Thursday, The Improv.
02:39:44.000 Come to one of these shows and say hi, please.
02:39:46.000 Yeah, please do.
02:39:47.000 And Brian, what is this?
02:39:49.000 You're doing a show at the Improv?
02:39:50.000 I'll be at the Improv tonight at 10 o'clock and if you use the coupon code RED, you get free tickets.
02:39:56.000 I'm going to retweet that shit right now if anybody is interested and you want to go heckle Brian.
02:40:01.000 Don't do that.
02:40:03.000 He's trying to get real good at that.
02:40:05.000 He's like a ninja out there.
02:40:06.000 Alright, thank you very much for tuning in.
02:40:08.000 We've got to figure out when.
02:40:09.000 Hopefully I'm going to get Kevin Smith for the rest of this weekend.
02:40:12.000 We've got to make nice-nice with Jay Moore.
02:40:14.000 Brian and Jay Moore had issues, but Jay Moore's being very nice about it.
02:40:17.000 So we must, in the spirit of forgiveness and peacefulness, bring him on.
02:40:22.000 He's a very talented guy anyway.
02:40:23.000 Alright, that's it.
02:40:24.000 That's the end of the show.
02:40:25.000 I love you guys, and thank you very much for everything.
02:40:28.000 And go fuck yourselves.
02:40:29.000 How about that?
02:40:30.000 I'm being too nice to you.
02:40:31.000 You're getting soft.
02:40:32.000 You're getting soft there, freakies.
02:40:34.000 Love you guys.
02:40:35.000 Thank you very much.