The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #131 - Neal Brennan

00:00:00.000 This is real, this is live, this is really happening, this is...

00:00:04.000 What?

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by The Fleshlight.

00:00:10.000 I was gonna guess that.

00:00:11.000 Go ahead.

00:00:12.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for The Fleshlight and enter in the code name ROGAN, you will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men.

00:00:24.000 That's it.

00:00:24.000 That's the end.

00:00:25.000 Is there a number two?

00:00:26.000 Number two, Fleshlight?

00:00:28.000 Is there a number two?

00:00:32.000 Number two what? 1.00

00:00:33.000 Sex toy? 0.99

00:00:34.000 That's a good question. 0.97

00:00:36.000 What is number two?

00:00:37.000 Your hand?

00:00:38.000 Yeah, I was gonna shut off that music Number two is probably one of those standard blow-up dolls. 0.99

00:00:48.000 Oh I bet that still gets action.

00:00:50.000 I've never used one of those.

00:00:52.000 I don't think...

00:00:53.000 No, I don't know anybody.

00:00:54.000 Is that...

00:00:55.000 Maybe Stan helps probably use one for a goof.

00:00:56.000 I have one.

00:00:57.000 Have you used one?

00:00:57.000 I have the Joanna Angel one, and it feels like you're one of those rafts, like at the pool.

00:01:02.000 You know, it smells like a raft at a pool. 0.99

00:01:04.000 Oh, I've fucked a lot of rafts. 0.99

00:01:05.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:01:06.000 Does that...

00:01:06.000 So maybe I shouldn't have...

00:01:07.000 Yeah, it feels like it.

00:01:08.000 It's not...

00:01:09.000 Oh, God.

00:01:10.000 So it's just kind of a hole.

00:01:11.000 Yeah.

00:01:12.000 And what's cool, though, is the one I have, if you take out the fleshlight out of it, the case, like fish in the bucket thing, and you put it through the hole of the blow-up doll, then it's okay. 0.97

00:01:21.000 But then you're still feeling like you're fucking... 0.58

00:01:23.000 Okay, so you're saying, like, take the insides of a fleshlight, the good feeling part, and stuff it into that hole? 0.99

00:01:29.000 Yeah.

00:01:29.000 Having said that, you could do it in a gas tank as well.

00:01:32.000 Just stick a flashlight in and then fuck your car. 1.00

00:01:34.000 Fuck your car! 1.00

00:01:35.000 But if you put clothing on the doll, then it kind of is like you put a bra on the car. 1.00

00:01:40.000 Yeah, well, I think you're even more fucked up to pretending that thing's a person. 0.98

00:01:45.000 Yeah, well, that makes me a little sick to my stomach thinking about how... 0.99

00:01:50.000 Is it when you're especially horny or lonely or what?

00:01:54.000 Neil Brennan is talking lately.

00:01:56.000 Our pal, Neil Brennan. 0.99

00:01:58.000 Wonderful comedian slash producer character slash director slash just all around Hollywood bad motherfucker. 0.98

00:02:06.000 I'm starting to realize something about myself. 0.99

00:02:08.000 I like...

00:02:12.000 I like talking.

00:02:13.000 You like talking?

00:02:14.000 Yeah, meaning like, I like, Chappelle one time said he'd made a fortune, he talked his way into a fortune, and now I realize what he means, just because I've been doing a lot of road shows and gigs and shit, and you just have to talk.

00:02:29.000 Like, you gotta go do radio and talk and talk and talk, and you just, and I go, oh yeah, I like talking.

00:02:33.000 It doesn't feel like work to me to go, when people are like, do you hate doing radio?

00:02:38.000 I'm like...

00:02:38.000 I don't know, you go and tell jokes, and you be funny, maybe you think of something new.

00:02:43.000 It seems alright to me.

00:02:44.000 It doesn't bother me. 0.99

00:02:45.000 Well, you're a writer as well, and writing is so much more difficult than just talking shit. 0.99

00:02:52.000 Well, that's what made me realize that this guy, Alan Stevens, or Stevan Comedian, he wrote for Roseanne, and he said, he goes, I'm actually not even a writer, I'm just a bullshitter. 0.98

00:03:03.000 Which is like, I know what he means now.

00:03:06.000 The minute he said it, I was like, I'm a bullshitter too.

00:03:10.000 I write better jokes just talking.

00:03:13.000 I can write good jokes writing, but they'll get a little bit better if there's a social interaction.

00:03:19.000 Yeah, there's some that just only come out when you're talking to people.

00:03:23.000 Yeah.

00:03:23.000 Because there's something about the pressure of having that human thing that you need to please.

00:03:29.000 Particularly if they're comedians that you like and respect.

00:03:32.000 That's why I like writing with guys I'm friends with.

00:03:36.000 Because it's like, eh.

00:03:38.000 First of all, I don't want to have to pitch to a guy that I secretly don't think is funny. 0.99

00:03:42.000 Yeah, and there's something about bouncing some off like-minded people's heads that also allows you to come up with some shit. 0.99

00:03:49.000 You know, when you know a guy's already got several steps of the puzzle figured out along with you, and then you go, what the fuck is this? 0.99

00:03:56.000 The other thing is, there's that. 0.99

00:03:59.000 Chappelle used to say that he and I were like thrill killers. 1.00

00:04:02.000 Where he'd, like, stab the person, and I'd be like, cut her fucking head off, Dave! 0.99

00:04:07.000 Because you're just so, like, you want to one-up that person, then he one-ups you, and then you're really doing it. 1.00

00:04:17.000 That always offends me when people put comedians on the line for really, really outrageous shit they said on stage, as if they really mean that. 0.97

00:04:27.000 It really drives me nuts sometimes. 0.99

00:04:29.000 It's awful. 0.99

00:04:30.000 Half of what we do is try to say the most fucked up thing. 1.00

00:04:35.000 You didn't just fucking go there. 0.99

00:04:37.000 When you're talking to a bunch of comics and you're hanging out with comics, we're going to go to the most fucked up place possible because that's the only way to make the other person laugh. 0.99

00:04:46.000 That's the only thing that gets us off anymore. 0.98

00:04:49.000 It doesn't mean we endorse the idea of whatever it is, bestiality, pedophilia, whatever it is.

00:04:55.000 You know what I mean? 0.93

00:04:55.000 I'm not like, there's nothing in my act that I'm like, this is a fact, this is written in fucking stone, and this is law. 0.93

00:05:02.000 It's like, I don't know, here's an idea, here's another idea.

00:05:06.000 It doesn't mean that if your brain goes there, yeah, it goes back to that Tracy argument of like, Tracy Morgan.

00:05:14.000 Tracy Morgan.

00:05:14.000 The other night at the Comedy Store, I do a joke about Mark Twain and how they're taking all the N-words out of Huckleberry Finn, and I end up saying nigger like seven times.

00:05:26.000 No one's ever had a problem with it.

00:05:28.000 I've done it in all black rooms, because I never say it as myself.

00:05:31.000 Of course.

00:05:32.000 I say it as people in the...

00:05:35.000 Finally, a girl in the audience goes, no! 1.00

00:05:37.000 And I'm like, what?

00:05:38.000 She goes, you can't say it!

00:05:41.000 And I was like, why can't I? Black girl.

00:05:44.000 I go, why can't I? And she's like, well, I don't stand here and call you cracker. 1.00

00:05:48.000 And I was like, well, you just did.

00:05:49.000 That's A. And it didn't bother me at all.

00:05:52.000 Got the show back.

00:05:53.000 Got it right at the ship.

00:05:54.000 We ended up talking for about an hour after the show.

00:05:58.000 Me and the girl.

00:05:58.000 And she was like...

00:06:00.000 I go, you know, before I did that joke, I specifically did jokes about Mexicans and Asians. 0.97

00:06:04.000 And you didn't have any problem with that.

00:06:06.000 She was like, no, I didn't have... 1.00

00:06:07.000 And I go, so your problem is with racism against black people, but not all racism.

00:06:14.000 You're fine with racism at large. 0.84

00:06:16.000 But you're against it when it's against black people. 1.00

00:06:21.000 She's like, yeah, I'm a hypocrite. 1.00

00:06:23.000 So we end up having a half hour discussion. 0.98

00:06:25.000 She walks away.

00:06:27.000 One of these people who's never lost an argument in her life.

00:06:31.000 She doesn't know I won the argument.

00:06:34.000 She walks away.

00:06:36.000 You and I know.

00:06:38.000 Now America knows.

00:06:39.000 Yeah.

00:06:40.000 She walks away, and her husband goes, here's the problem, man.

00:06:46.000 He goes, I know that you don't have any hate in your heart, but the problem is, she does.

00:06:51.000 She does have hate. 0.99

00:06:52.000 So she had said during the conversation that...

00:06:55.000 Her husband dropped it on you? 1.00

00:06:56.000 That dude's a week away from killing that bitch. 1.00

00:06:58.000 Well, no. 1.00

00:06:59.000 If you just say that to random people at the comedy store, she's got hate in her heart.

00:07:02.000 Well, he wasn't saying it like that.

00:07:03.000 He was just saying it like she's got...

00:07:06.000 Like, she is of the mind that white people are constantly saying the N-word, and it's like, no, we're not.

00:07:11.000 I told her...

00:07:11.000 You know how many times I've heard it without...

00:07:14.000 Speak for yourself.

00:07:14.000 But what is he saying, then?

00:07:15.000 Is he saying that she had hate in her heart, or she recognizes that other people have hate?

00:07:18.000 She actually said in the argument that she thinks that white people are constantly using the N-word when white people are running around.

00:07:23.000 It's like, no, we're not.

00:07:25.000 If a guy uses the N-word in that way, if he's not being...

00:07:29.000 Without irony?

00:07:30.000 If he's not being funny, if there's no humor to it, I get disgusted.

00:07:35.000 Well, that's how many times I haven't even heard it without a sense of humor.

00:07:38.000 I told her, I go, maybe I've heard it five times in my life.

00:07:41.000 I have.

00:07:43.000 Definitely.

00:07:43.000 Where mostly did you hear it?

00:07:45.000 In Jersey?

00:07:46.000 Yeah, I heard it in Boston a lot.

00:07:49.000 Oh, right.

00:07:50.000 I've heard it a gang of times.

00:07:52.000 I've been around people that were legit racists.

00:07:55.000 It's creepy. 1.00

00:07:55.000 It's creepy to hear these fucking niggas. 1.00

00:07:58.000 Yeah, you just go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, man. 1.00

00:08:04.000 Just because some black people did some fucked up shit. 1.00

00:08:09.000 Have you ever seen Gone with the Wind? 1.00

00:08:10.000 Yeah, I think I have, but it was a long time ago.

00:08:13.000 That is the most racist movie in the whole entire world.

00:08:16.000 I just watched it for my first time recently.

00:08:18.000 I think it was 1938. I don't think I've ever watched it.

00:08:21.000 One guy directed Gone with the Wind and Wizard of Oz in the same year.

00:08:27.000 He did Wizard of Oz?

00:08:28.000 Yeah.

00:08:28.000 Well, that makes completely sense because I thought it feels like the Wizard of Oz, but racist.

00:08:35.000 It's the same production design and the same color.

00:08:38.000 Yeah, the feeling of it.

00:08:40.000 There was one scene where it was late at night and there was tons of little white children in their beds and then there's this black child cranking this fan to fan all the white children when they slept. 0.71

00:08:51.000 What?

00:08:51.000 Yes.

00:08:53.000 Oh my god, I gotta get this. 0.82

00:08:55.000 There was a part where the main actress, the one that Clark Gable says, you know, frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn, that girl, she has a slave, and she's slapping the slave in the face because she wouldn't shut up or something like that. 0.77

00:09:06.000 Oh my god. 0.51

00:09:07.000 It is so uncomfortable to watch.

00:09:09.000 And then you realize the Clark Gable guy, like, I don't know what ethnicity he is.

00:09:14.000 He was, like, from Glendale or something like that.

00:09:16.000 Like, I never...

00:09:17.000 I thought this was supposed to be, like, this, like, handsome, striking young man, but he looked like some Zorro guy.

00:09:23.000 Like, he...

00:09:23.000 It was weird.

00:09:24.000 What do you mean?

00:09:25.000 Like, he didn't look like a leading man?

00:09:26.000 He didn't look like a leading man.

00:09:28.000 So, like, you're used to, like, The Rock, say, like, a big, manly, handsome man.

00:09:32.000 Yeah, this guy looked like a little mouse.

00:09:33.000 But The Rock is...

00:09:34.000 The Rock is a little mouse.

00:09:35.000 But no, you're talking about he...

00:09:37.000 Racially, he looked...

00:09:38.000 He looked, he just, like, for back then, it seemed like for such a racist movie, then they had...

00:09:44.000 Yeah, like, they would have gone after him next.

00:09:45.000 Yeah.

00:09:46.000 They would have started, like, all right, now we've got him.

00:09:46.000 Then he was, like, a little Mexican-looking dude.

00:09:48.000 Yeah.

00:09:49.000 Like, one of those Spaniard Mexicans, like Oscar de la Hoya Mexicans. 1.00

00:09:52.000 Maybe I was too stoned, but Gone with the Wind, I thought, was a creepy-ass movie. 0.95

00:09:55.000 Yeah, no, well, that's the woman who won the Academy Award for it. 1.00

00:10:00.000 Yeah.

00:10:00.000 That's, like, for playing a maid.

00:10:02.000 Yeah.

00:10:02.000 Yeah, and by the way, she was the best person in the movie.

00:10:04.000 That chick I could fucking watch all day. 0.97

00:10:06.000 She was hilarious. 0.96

00:10:07.000 But the whole thing, though, is so creepy because now they have the intermissions and the opening sound, what used to play in the movie theater.

00:10:15.000 So you're sitting there for 15 minutes in the middle of the movie listening to piano music thinking about racism.

00:10:22.000 Wow.

00:10:25.000 What is the plot of that movie?

00:10:26.000 Who wins?

00:10:27.000 You know what?

00:10:28.000 I was just so fascinated with the racism that I don't even remember what the plot was.

00:10:33.000 You know what's freaking me out?

00:10:35.000 The video, the image of the black boy fanning...

00:10:39.000 Oh, it is creepy.

00:10:40.000 And there are so many little things like that in the movie.

00:10:43.000 Put to Wizard of Oz feeling to it.

00:10:45.000 Now, do you think this movie is supposed to reflect the genuine racism of the era that it was depicting?

00:10:51.000 Yeah, but it was made in 39, so it wasn't even...

00:10:55.000 There were still people alive from that time?

00:10:57.000 Dawn with the Wind was 39. Yeah.

00:11:00.000 Wow.

00:11:00.000 It was the first color movie, I believe.

00:11:02.000 Or one of the first color movies.

00:11:04.000 Wow.

00:11:05.000 Yeah, I think it might have been the first.

00:11:08.000 But, yeah, I think that it was so...

00:11:11.000 It's not like it was made in 78 and they were taken...

00:11:13.000 Like, there were still...

00:11:15.000 Black people still couldn't vote when the movie came out.

00:11:17.000 Yeah. 0.73

00:11:18.000 Wow.

00:11:18.000 They didn't have to fan you anymore.

00:11:22.000 But they couldn't drink out of the same faucet.

00:11:23.000 Yeah, but they couldn't drink out of the same faucet or vote.

00:11:26.000 Wow.

00:11:27.000 Yeah, old movies, man.

00:11:29.000 Old movies would trip you out.

00:11:30.000 Well, that's like in The Godfather.

00:11:33.000 In The Godfather, someone goes, let's sell drugs in their neighborhood.

00:11:40.000 They're animals anyway.

00:11:41.000 And I remember seeing that and going like, that's a little rough.

00:11:43.000 Yeah.

00:11:44.000 Like, as an adult, probably 20, going like, I don't know, could they maybe cut that out?

00:11:49.000 Like, Mooney always makes the joke that, like, the fact that they air that on television is pretty irresponsible. 0.99

00:11:55.000 Or it's just sort of, like, fucked up. 0.81

00:11:56.000 It's pretty rough to even introduce that idea that there's anybody that would listen to that guy and think he was making sense. 0.98

00:12:03.000 You know?

00:12:04.000 It's dangerous, you know?

00:12:05.000 Yeah.

00:12:06.000 Are you talking about Mooney or the guy?

00:12:08.000 The guy saying that in The Godfather. 1.00

00:12:11.000 Especially if you're a little black child and you have to fucking listen to that. 0.99

00:12:14.000 Do you think they should CGI it? 0.99

00:12:16.000 They should E.T. the gun out of all these movies?

00:12:19.000 Do you think they should CGI the black people with toasters? 1.00

00:12:21.000 I don't think they should do anything.

00:12:22.000 I think what they did was create a work of art, and that work of art reflects honest behavior.

00:12:27.000 But when you put it on television, it's a very tricky thing.

00:12:30.000 Now, if you're going to air that on TBS, you know, their animals have to lose their souls.

00:12:35.000 Yeah, I wonder if they, when it airs on television, if that...

00:12:39.000 Well, I don't endorse them censoring it, but I could see where people would not want their kids to be exposed to certain things that are in certain movies.

00:12:48.000 More than a Jackson... 0.97

00:12:49.000 If you just flip through the channels, it's easy to get to something.

00:12:52.000 What was the first movie you saw that you were like, oh, this is an adult movie?

00:12:57.000 My parents took me to a drive-in, and it was some kung fu movie.

00:13:01.000 I was a real little kid, but I remember my mom being pissed off.

00:13:04.000 I gotta say, it doesn't surprise me.

00:13:06.000 It doesn't surprise me, like, you little Joe Rogan had a kung fu movie. 0.61

00:13:09.000 Yeah.

00:13:09.000 And, like, your parents get murdered.

00:13:11.000 My parents were crazy. 1.00

00:13:13.000 In the background, your parents get murdered, and your wife, the images of kung fu are fucking streaming in on your face. 1.00

00:13:18.000 It's possible. 1.00

00:13:19.000 Parents are going, Joe, you have to avenge us.

00:13:22.000 And there was a girl who had, in the movie, she had marks on her chest.

00:13:27.000 Like, she got scratched.

00:13:28.000 And the guy said, let me see what it looks like. 0.99

00:13:31.000 And so, of course, she pulls her whole top off and her tits are out. 1.00

00:13:34.000 I just remember my mom saying this, because I was like fucking four years old or something. 0.99

00:13:38.000 But I remember her going, she didn't have to take her shirt off that way. 0.97

00:13:44.000 Like, she was mad at how preposterous it was.

00:13:46.000 She didn't have to take her shirt off that way. 1.00

00:13:48.000 Bullshit! 1.00

00:13:48.000 There was another route. 1.00

00:13:50.000 This is ridiculous. 0.95

00:13:51.000 That was, yeah, that was exploitive. 0.97

00:13:53.000 She could have just... 0.87

00:13:53.000 I remember her being upset by that. 0.87

00:13:56.000 And did your dad go like, well, let her finish!

00:13:58.000 I don't remember what...

00:13:58.000 Jennifer, what was your mother's name?

00:14:00.000 I think her real name is Asunta.

00:14:03.000 Was it really?

00:14:04.000 Yeah, but she didn't like it.

00:14:05.000 So she went by the name of Susan.

00:14:07.000 She and I have something in common, because I don't like it either.

00:14:10.000 Asunta, what does that mean?

00:14:12.000 I don't know.

00:14:12.000 I have no idea.

00:14:14.000 Some Italian name.

00:14:15.000 It does sound like an Italian slang for black people.

00:14:18.000 Does it?

00:14:20.000 There's probably a lot of them.

00:14:21.000 There's some assumptions up there that I don't appreciate.

00:14:24.000 There's got to be a lot of them.

00:14:26.000 How many days a week do you guys do this show?

00:14:28.000 Two.

00:14:28.000 Got it.

00:14:29.000 Most of the time.

00:14:30.000 You're doing a podcast now yourself.

00:14:31.000 Yes, I am.

00:14:32.000 I'm doing a podcast called The Champs.

00:14:35.000 With me, Neil Brennan, Moshe Kasher, and a guy named DJ Doug Pound, who's from Tim and Eric.

00:14:42.000 And our angle is we only have black guests.

00:14:48.000 Because black people are so underrepresented in podcasts, it's crazy. 0.99

00:14:52.000 It's crazy. 0.97

00:14:55.000 Ayesha Tyler is the only black person. 0.99

00:14:58.000 Women and black people just don't. 1.00

00:14:59.000 It really is like they're behind on podcasts in terms of popularity. 0.98

00:15:05.000 It's a lot of white men like Joe Rogan.

00:15:09.000 And so we've had comics.

00:15:12.000 We had Gerard Carmichael on, who's a really funny young guy, and Ian Edwards.

00:15:16.000 And then this week we had Blake Griffin, the basketball player, who is...

00:15:20.000 About as cool and funny a guy as you'll ever meet.

00:15:25.000 Like, you can't believe it, how cool.

00:15:28.000 And he's legitimately funny.

00:15:30.000 Like, we were texting one night.

00:15:32.000 He was going to Vegas. 1.00

00:15:34.000 And I go, hey, if you need Carrot Top tickets, kill yourself. 0.97

00:15:40.000 And he wrote back, actually, I just found out that Carrot Top killed himself. 0.95

00:15:43.000 And I wrote back, oh, that's a shame.

00:15:46.000 That guy put on one hell of a show. 0.99

00:15:48.000 And Blake wrote back, Blake wrote back, I give him props, but the fucking guy used them all. 0.98

00:15:54.000 Which is like, that's a pretty good joke for a 22-year-old dunk champion. 0.97

00:15:59.000 But that's maybe not even the best.

00:16:01.000 He's just a really funny dude.

00:16:04.000 And incredibly nice.

00:16:05.000 We did the podcast at my house.

00:16:07.000 And he was drinking...

00:16:10.000 He had a bottle of water, and then he finished that, and then he refilled it in the tap in my kitchen sink.

00:16:21.000 He used to use the locker room water.

00:16:22.000 I guess so, but I was just very impressed by how are you not... 1.00

00:16:27.000 A dick. 1.00

00:16:28.000 I kept asking him, how are you not a dick? 1.00

00:16:29.000 And he never told me. 0.99

00:16:31.000 No, but he's like, yeah, he's got one car.

00:16:34.000 He rents his house.

00:16:35.000 Like, he's just a smart sweet guy.

00:16:38.000 It's kind of an interesting situation with a lot of athletes.

00:16:41.000 There's a lot of athletes that just, they're not nice people. 0.69

00:16:44.000 It's like part of getting good at the sport means kind of being a douchebag.

00:16:47.000 Well, that's what we were talking about, is being, and you could talk, this would actually be an interesting thing, because I would like to make a legit documentary about this.

00:16:56.000 Competition in America.

00:17:00.000 Because Kobe Bryant is too competitive.

00:17:04.000 Michael Jordan is too competitive.

00:17:06.000 To the point where it's like, dude, I don't look.

00:17:09.000 I'm all for winning.

00:17:10.000 I'm all for...

00:17:12.000 But you clearly are...

00:17:13.000 Something is...

00:17:14.000 There's like a switch.

00:17:15.000 Right.

00:17:16.000 And I was talking to another NBA player who's a big star, and I won't say his name, because I go, man, Kobe is too competitive.

00:17:23.000 And he's like, well, you know, man, you get in the game.

00:17:26.000 I go, he's too competitive.

00:17:27.000 He goes, I know, I tell him that all the time.

00:17:29.000 Because it's sort of weird.

00:17:32.000 To people, when you're that...

00:17:34.000 That's how they get so good, though.

00:17:36.000 That's what's giving them everything.

00:17:38.000 It's a very unique thing.

00:17:40.000 Absolutely.

00:17:42.000 Kobe Bryant, Michael Jordan, guys like that are...

00:17:44.000 Michael Jordan is an incredible athlete, and you pair that with this crazed spirit, and you get Michael Jordan.

00:17:52.000 But what I'm saying is, at what point...

00:17:55.000 Is it too much?

00:17:57.000 Where it's like, you deal with MMA, I think about it in comedy, guys knocking each other out of the way.

00:18:03.000 It's like, what are we getting at?

00:18:05.000 Because every study of human happiness, particularly there's a lot of sociological studies coming out in the last five to ten years, say that people don't get any happier beyond a certain financial point.

00:18:17.000 They don't get any happier With possessions.

00:18:21.000 They don't, you know what I mean?

00:18:22.000 So it's like, what are we, what's the point?

00:18:25.000 It's also, now it's like, this is the first time in my life where I've ever thought like, maybe capitalism isn't so great.

00:18:32.000 You know what I mean?

00:18:33.000 Where it's finally falling apart.

00:18:34.000 Where you kind of go, well, alright, let's see what happens.

00:18:38.000 I think it's not perfect, but I think the idea of, you know, your work and your merit and your ability to maneuver your way through the system counts up to something.

00:18:48.000 The more effort you put in, the more reward you get back.

00:18:51.000 Right.

00:18:51.000 I agree with the idea of capitalism and that went.

00:18:54.000 But when you get involved in the system that we have now, with just the stock market alone, and trading and shorting...

00:19:02.000 Well, did you see Warren Buffett's article the other day?

00:19:04.000 Yeah, it was brilliant.

00:19:05.000 And he said, because I've had this article...

00:19:08.000 I haven't read it.

00:19:09.000 It was in the Sunday New York Times.

00:19:10.000 He basically, Warren Buffett, the third wealthiest man in the world, or America. 1.00

00:19:14.000 Just rich as fuck. 0.99

00:19:16.000 He owns the company of five products in your house. 1.00

00:19:22.000 He basically said, like, look, rich people like me, the super rich, don't get taxed enough.

00:19:29.000 We used to get taxed way more.

00:19:31.000 And I've had this argument, you know how Republicans always say tax cuts lead to...

00:19:37.000 And improvement in the economy.

00:19:39.000 In the back of my head, I've had this argument with Vince Vaughn one time about that people don't get into business.

00:19:47.000 If taxes on doing stand-up comedy were 70% and not 40%, I would still do stand-up comedy.

00:19:58.000 I'm not doing it for...

00:20:01.000 I think people start their own business because they don't like working for other people.

00:20:05.000 And they have an idea that they want to create by themselves.

00:20:11.000 And I don't think it comes down to, I'm not going to do it because taxes are too high.

00:20:16.000 And Warren Buffett made that point that capital gains tax, meaning taxes on money you make in profit on the stock market, like if you invest $100,000 and then you make $15,000 off of it, they will tax the $15,000.

00:20:32.000 Now it's really low.

00:20:34.000 It's like 11%, if that.

00:20:37.000 And Warren Buffet said it used to be 29%.

00:20:39.000 And he said, and everyone invested just as much. 0.99

00:20:43.000 So I reject the idea that taxes, that even socialism, I think you would do the exact same shit. 0.99

00:20:55.000 In a socialist country. 0.97

00:20:56.000 I think if they paid you to host Fear Factor and a podcast and news radio and all this shit, if you did the same, if we all got paid relatively the same amount of money. 0.74

00:21:07.000 I believe that.

00:21:08.000 I believe that I do what I do because I'm compelled to do it, not because of the money.

00:21:14.000 Now, I'm not saying everyone's an artist, or everyone's a writer, a comedian, or whatever, but I'm of the mind that people...

00:21:22.000 So you're almost advocating everyone getting paid the same amount?

00:21:28.000 Here's what I'm advocating.

00:21:29.000 I'm advocating that we live in a country where people die because they're poor.

00:21:39.000 And I think a lot of Republicans or right-wing people think that That the reason they're poor is because they didn't work hard enough.

00:21:47.000 And that's simply not the case a lot of times.

00:21:50.000 I think a lot of people on the right are born on third base and think they hit a triple.

00:21:55.000 You're born into this great life.

00:21:57.000 That's a very good way of putting it.

00:21:58.000 No, that's an old phrase.

00:21:59.000 But, yeah, you're born into this life, and then you go because you don't.

00:22:03.000 It's like when Barbara Bush said during Hurricane Katrina, she goes, about the people in the Superdome, she goes, some of those people have never lived so well. 1.00

00:22:13.000 It's like, you fucking cunt. 1.00

00:22:15.000 Wow, she really said that? 1.00

00:22:17.000 Yeah, she actually said that.

00:22:18.000 Wow.

00:22:30.000 When they said, they would go, well, the mayor told them to get out of town and drive out of town.

00:22:34.000 They're like, they didn't have cars.

00:22:35.000 And there were no buses.

00:22:37.000 The buses stopped at a certain point.

00:22:40.000 So just the idea that people are dying and then we get into this thing of like, America's the best system.

00:22:47.000 Most of the people that say America's the best system in the world don't know the other systems.

00:22:51.000 And also the idea of like socialized medicine.

00:22:54.000 Why wouldn't you want to help save people's lives?

00:22:57.000 Like, you know.

00:22:58.000 I think the idea behind it is that it doesn't encourage competition amongst doctors.

00:23:04.000 So doctors, if they're only going to get paid a certain amount of money no matter what, they have no incentive to be excellent.

00:23:10.000 But that goes back to my point.

00:23:11.000 I think most people that are doctors are compelled to be doctors.

00:23:15.000 I don't think anyone can get into it for the money.

00:23:17.000 I believe that, but I don't think it's either or.

00:23:18.000 You don't think that a doctor is compelled to be a doctor and enjoys it, but works even harder because he gets financial compensation for his work?

00:23:27.000 I personally don't, because I think that people that are driven are not driven by financial renumeration.

00:23:36.000 Right, but you don't think it enhances things?

00:23:38.000 Even if they're not driven by it, even if they would be doing it happily for a peasant's wage because they love the art of whatever the fuck they're doing, you don't think that it makes them really push it and huff it sometimes and not slack off when there's money on the line?

00:23:53.000 Yes, I think yes, absolutely.

00:23:55.000 Money makes people more productive.

00:23:58.000 Yes, but I guess the point is, why are we so compelled to be productive? 0.98

00:24:04.000 It's like where they go, they go, man, France fucking only works a 35-hour work week, and we get in our head of like, that's faggy. 1.00

00:24:12.000 A 35-hour work week, what are you, a No, they're having a good life. 0.97

00:24:18.000 These systems and the images and the cultural norms are such in America that we just go, I wouldn't be caught dead only working 35 hours.

00:24:28.000 Why? 0.96

00:24:29.000 Why do we all have this need to like, I gotta fucking work and I gotta generate and I gotta make fucking, I gotta trick people into wanting to buy shit that I'm doing so that I can get money and then buy shit that I've been tricked into buying that I don't need. 0.97

00:24:42.000 I don't need any This is a thought that I've been bouncing around forever, and my conclusion, and I don't have a real conclusion. 0.97

00:24:52.000 But what I always believe is that it seems that everything in nature operates in some sort of a natural system that we accept.

00:24:59.000 Whether it's salmon going up river, there's bizarre things, you know, they're going up river and throwing themselves over the rocks, and it happens every year.

00:25:06.000 It's just, there's a cycle, and it's put in place for a reason. 0.99

00:25:10.000 It's put in place to make sure that only bad motherfucker salmon get to breed. 1.00

00:25:14.000 Right. 1.00

00:25:14.000 You gotta be just the baddest motherfucker to make it up that river. 1.00

00:25:17.000 And I think that that is the same thing with human beings. 0.99

00:25:21.000 I think we are a part of a natural system too, but we're the apex of the natural systems.

00:25:25.000 And we're so super complex that we don't even understand our motivations for things.

00:25:29.000 We don't understand that this drive and this, you know, all our ideas of personal gain really aren't about personal gain.

00:25:37.000 It's about enhancing the amount of money that goes into this system that makes things and innovates.

00:25:42.000 That's what it really is all about.

00:25:43.000 It has nothing to do with you or I. All of our wants and needs and loves for material possessions and all the things that comes with it, all that is doing is somehow or another pushing innovation, pushing you keeping up with the Joneses, pushing some sort of a technological singularity that we're pushing towards.

00:26:00.000 Right, but having said that, do we not I think we just let it is.

00:26:05.000 It is what it is, man.

00:26:06.000 I guess just, like, productivity as this high...

00:26:11.000 as the ultimate goal just seems like... 0.88

00:26:14.000 No, it is ridiculous. 0.99

00:26:14.000 It's good for the fucking people who own the company, but it's not... 0.99

00:26:18.000 It's middle... 0.99

00:26:19.000 Like, the middle class is gone now because we've all been tricked into thinking, like, that people that provide jobs are these fucking messiahs of, like... 0.69

00:26:29.000 Particularly in the last year and a half of, like, what about the jobs? 0.76

00:26:32.000 What about the jobs?

00:26:32.000 So that...

00:26:33.000 They go, we don't want to hurt, we don't want to tax people like Warren Buffet because they provide jobs.

00:26:38.000 Actually most jobs in America, I think 60% of America are from small businesses.

00:26:44.000 So I guess it's just the idea of they're starting to study gross national happiness and a lot of it is not contingent upon capitalism and productivity.

00:27:02.000 Because now I feel like people are so drunk on productivity And getting these possessions, that they have less time for their kids, they got to work two jobs, and it just seems like we're at a breaking point in terms of...

00:27:19.000 I don't know if it'll happen, but I wish there was some amount of consideration from people.

00:27:27.000 And having said that, I enjoy a hard day's work.

00:27:31.000 But what I like about it is...

00:27:34.000 I like the personal interaction.

00:27:36.000 That's what I've always loved about work is the personal connection you have with people and feeling like we're doing this thing together.

00:27:42.000 That I'm completely for, but it's like the money part I just find not negligible because I think it's important to make a living and all that stuff, but I just feel like there's too much of a premium put on productivity There are, but you know what?

00:28:01.000 I love having a laptop.

00:28:04.000 I think it's awesome.

00:28:05.000 I really like being able to go buy a cell phone.

00:28:07.000 I love it.

00:28:08.000 I love being able to get a car.

00:28:09.000 I'm not making any of these things, and neither are you. 1.00

00:28:13.000 In order to live this life this way, we need somebody to make shit. 0.99

00:28:18.000 No one's saying that should be you. 0.99

00:28:20.000 No, I understand that, but that doesn't necessarily preclude that it couldn't have happened in another financial system.

00:28:26.000 It could probably.

00:28:27.000 Or like, as the guy on the internet the other day said, Felonious Monk is the guy's name.

00:28:33.000 He posted a YouTube video that got a lot of love.

00:28:35.000 He said, Black Dude, he goes, how can you, how am I going to say that capitalism is the best system in the world when we owe billions of dollars to a communist country?

00:28:46.000 You know what I mean?

00:28:46.000 Because America's like, okay, but why do we...

00:28:50.000 Their system is clearly beating us.

00:28:53.000 A communist...

00:28:54.000 It's like a communist with a soft capitalism.

00:28:58.000 I don't even know how you describe the Chinese...

00:29:02.000 I don't know enough about our financial system to even comment on it.

00:29:07.000 And when I say things, I'm usually wrong.

00:29:10.000 As far as numbers and stats. 0.99

00:29:12.000 That's the thing about all this shit. 1.00

00:29:14.000 They don't know. 1.00

00:29:17.000 They know that fucking... 1.00

00:29:18.000 What's his name? 1.00

00:29:19.000 The Ponzi scheme guy.

00:29:21.000 Yeah, Bernie Madoff.

00:29:21.000 Bernie Madoff.

00:29:22.000 He would have never been able to get away with that if they all knew.

00:29:24.000 That is the best proof available.

00:29:27.000 Absolutely. 1.00

00:29:27.000 That this system is some crazy fucking game. 1.00

00:29:30.000 Yeah, so when people go, I don't think that we should have done the bailout. 0.98

00:29:35.000 And it's like, yeah, in a perfect world, Matt Taibbi wrote a book called Griftobe, which is a fucking excellent book.

00:29:43.000 I love that dude.

00:29:44.000 Yeah, and the book is really, really good.

00:29:46.000 I love his Rolling Stone articles.

00:29:47.000 He was the guy who broke the Goldman Sachs article.

00:29:51.000 How is he still alive?

00:29:53.000 I know.

00:29:53.000 Well, that's proof that there is no Illuminati, if you need it anymore.

00:29:57.000 But that's the only shred of proof that Matt Taib is alive.

00:30:02.000 He was in the press pool on, I believe, Obama's or McCain's campaign.

00:30:11.000 For president. 0.99

00:30:12.000 And they were all talking about the bailout and the tarp and all that shit. 0.99

00:30:18.000 And he was with all the correspondents and he goes, do any of us know what tarp is? 0.99

00:30:25.000 And none of them did.

00:30:26.000 And he was like, I have to...

00:30:29.000 Study. 1.00

00:30:30.000 I have to write about this shit because we're the ones who are supposed to know and we don't fucking know. 1.00

00:30:35.000 And he said the amount of work it takes to even understand it, he's like, it was pitifully boring how much shit he had to do to even begin to understand it. 0.99

00:30:46.000 And his point about Tea Party people was what they long for Is simplicity. 1.00

00:30:53.000 And that shit is over. 1.00

00:30:55.000 Right. 1.00

00:30:55.000 Financial simplicity? 1.00

00:30:57.000 It's not just financial simplicity, but I think the whole idea of calling themselves the Tea Party.

00:31:01.000 I mean, they're reinvigorating memories of the original Boston Tea Party.

00:31:08.000 Yeah, no, absolutely.

00:31:09.000 But having said that, the Boston Tea Party was about taxation with representation, and this is about Complex financial instruments and the interconnectivity of the global financial system. 0.99

00:31:23.000 They don't know what a fucking reverse mortgage, all that shit, that you just go, I don't know what the fuck... 0.99

00:31:32.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:31:33.000 I'm a relatively intelligent guy.

00:31:35.000 And my dad was a tax attorney. 0.99

00:31:38.000 I don't understand any of this shit. 0.99

00:31:40.000 Yeah, when you try to look at leveraged mortgages and shorting, how about you look at that? 0.99

00:31:45.000 Try to figure that out.

00:31:46.000 Shorting I could actually explain to you, but yeah.

00:31:49.000 Shorting I could explain relatively simply, but the...

00:31:52.000 What about that dude that shorted the economy, that there was some gigantic wage made that our American economy is going to lose its AAA standard?

00:32:02.000 Yeah, and he made billions of dollars.

00:32:04.000 Yeah, some guy made a fuckload of money when our credit rating dropped. 0.99

00:32:11.000 What the fuck is that? 0.99

00:32:13.000 Try to explain that to somebody in the Tea Party. 1.00

00:32:14.000 Try to explain that to a fucking intelligent person. 1.00

00:32:18.000 Try explaining that to anyone. 1.00

00:32:21.000 So they're trying to...

00:32:23.000 They long for this simplicity of like, I believe that there should... 1.00

00:32:28.000 It's like you believe in corporate socialism, but you're like, fuck you if you're dying. 1.00

00:32:32.000 But if a corporation even has a graze, like a flesh wound... 0.99

00:32:38.000 Here comes everyone to like, we gotta help the corporations because they provide jobs. 1.00

00:32:43.000 Like, you motherfuckers are... 1.00

00:32:45.000 They're just buying into this thing of... 1.00

00:32:46.000 It's the deification of corporations.

00:32:49.000 Well, have you ever watched that documentary, The Corporation?

00:32:52.000 Oh, yeah.

00:32:52.000 That's an amazing piece of work.

00:32:54.000 It really gets you thinking of how it's actually set up.

00:32:58.000 And the way it's set up, no one feels like they're doing anything badly, even though bad things are getting done.

00:33:03.000 You can't be a corporation without being... 0.99

00:33:08.000 Fucking dastardly. 0.99

00:33:10.000 The way the system is set up, and this goes back to my capitalism argument, the way the system is set up, if these corporations' profits don't increase every 12 weeks, their stock price goes down. 0.99

00:33:24.000 So how do you make profits increase? 0.93

00:33:28.000 Either fucking expand your market or cut workers. 0.99

00:33:32.000 And cut workers is a fucked up thing to do, and expanding markets is a pretty dastardly business too. 0.99

00:33:39.000 So they're not, you know, the only way you survive in these... 0.96

00:33:44.000 I remember when me and Chappelle were having our stuff with Comedy Central and all that stuff, and I'd go, yeah, they're Viacom for a reason. 0.97

00:33:57.000 They are hungry machines that are built to hoard money and fuck people over.

00:34:05.000 When you get into negotiations with anyone about anything, you start realizing what money is all about. 0.97

00:34:12.000 How was your fear factor negotiation?

00:34:15.000 Was it gross?

00:34:17.000 It was easy.

00:34:18.000 They were nice.

00:34:20.000 Great.

00:34:20.000 Well, luckily I did it for 148 episodes, so they knew I could do it.

00:34:26.000 I didn't have to audition for it.

00:34:28.000 I thought I was going to have to audition for it. 1.00

00:34:29.000 I was like, you better not make me audition for my own job, stupid. 1.00

00:34:33.000 They were always kind of weird with that show because it did so good. 0.99

00:34:35.000 I think it stayed on NBC's website the whole time it was off the air.

00:34:39.000 You could still go to the show page for Fear Factor, and it was kind of odd.

00:34:42.000 That was the only show that you could do that with.

00:34:45.000 I don't think it was ever officially canceled.

00:34:46.000 I think we just stopped production.

00:34:48.000 It was weird.

00:34:49.000 Because it never got horrible ratings.

00:34:51.000 They all die off a little bit.

00:34:53.000 But it never was horrible.

00:34:56.000 We had done so many of them.

00:34:57.000 Did they do a syndicated version?

00:34:58.000 Or you guys, 148 was enough to syndicate?

00:35:00.000 Oh, it was more than enough to syndicate.

00:35:02.000 They syndicate most shows at 100. No, absolutely, but I'm saying, did you?

00:35:06.000 But it's like, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

00:35:09.000 They stripped it.

00:35:11.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:35:11.000 They stopped doing it in primetime, and then did they ever do a stripped version?

00:35:14.000 No, no, no, they didn't do that.

00:35:16.000 The budget of Fear Factor is really high.

00:35:18.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:35:19.000 You know, when you factor in some of the crazy fucking stunts these people have to do, and... 0.99

00:35:24.000 They're big this year, man. 1.00

00:35:25.000 There's some nutty shit these fucking people have to do. 1.00

00:35:28.000 Some real, where you're like, whoa, this is fucking scary. 1.00

00:35:33.000 This one's nuts. 0.98

00:35:34.000 I can't describe any of them.

00:35:35.000 It would be a breach of contract.

00:35:37.000 But it's bigger.

00:35:38.000 The stunts are bigger and crazier than we've ever done them before.

00:35:41.000 You were ahead of your time, Joe, by the way.

00:35:42.000 I wanted to say that you never wear makeup on any time you go on TV shows or if you're on shows and stuff like that.

00:35:48.000 He's always been the person where they have the makeup person come and Joe's like, no, I don't want any.

00:35:52.000 And they're like, well, we're just going to give a look.

00:35:53.000 No, I don't want any.

00:35:55.000 I was watching a show the other day, though, where you can now, with the HD, you can see the makeup, the bad makeup jobs on all these people.

00:36:02.000 And now I'm just imagining you with rosy cheeks.

00:36:05.000 You're so lucky you never did that.

00:36:06.000 You had a skin thing, though, didn't you?

00:36:07.000 I have vitiligo.

00:36:08.000 You can see it on my knuckles.

00:36:10.000 You had it on your face, though, in periods, correct?

00:36:11.000 Yeah, but it goes away.

00:36:13.000 There's stuff called protopic ointment.

00:36:15.000 As long as you catch it right as it's coming out, you get it to go away.

00:36:18.000 But you've got to be real diligent about your vitamins and stuff like that.

00:36:21.000 And when it really shows is when I'm out in the sun.

00:36:24.000 Got it.

00:36:24.000 It really shows that.

00:36:25.000 Speaking of vitamins, last time we were here, we were talking about HGH, all that stuff.

00:36:32.000 And a buddy of mine texted me and said, because you were saying there's basically no side effects, etc.

00:36:38.000 No, I didn't say there's no side effects.

00:36:40.000 It's relatively safe if you're doing it under a doctor's supervision.

00:36:44.000 You're smart about it.

00:36:45.000 And my buddy texted me and said, what about...

00:36:49.000 What about cancerous cells?

00:36:51.000 It will accelerate the growth of any kind of cell, right?

00:36:53.000 There's no evidence that it supports cancer growth.

00:36:56.000 But there is evidence that if your body's immune system is down and you're not healthy, then cancer can grow in your body easier.

00:37:03.000 If your overall system is operating more efficiently because of hormones that you've introduced to it or because of vitamins and supplements, if your system is working better, you're going to be able to fight things off better.

00:37:15.000 It's really that simple if you take a holistic approach to the human body.

00:37:18.000 Cancer is a very tricky mystery of the human body as to why it exists in the first place, but a lot of people believe that anything, any ailment That at least part of it has to do with how you feel, what kind of energy you have, how much work you have to put in every day, how happy are you?

00:37:37.000 And the idea is, how much is the whole system...

00:37:40.000 How productive are you?

00:37:41.000 How much does the whole system work?

00:37:42.000 How much money did you make last quarter?

00:37:43.000 That doesn't prevent you from cancer, fella.

00:37:47.000 Wait, what?

00:37:47.000 But that's what they would have you believe, that if you're...

00:37:51.000 Who are these they?

00:37:52.000 Who is they?

00:37:54.000 You don't exist in that world, neither do I. You're an artist, so this is crazy.

00:37:58.000 You're almost like injecting yourself in the proletariat to figure out...

00:38:02.000 Right, but I see people...

00:38:03.000 Look, nobody's more proletariat than the kid.

00:38:06.000 The kid proletarian. 0.95

00:38:08.000 Any man that calls himself the kid, I like to hang out with that guy. 1.00

00:38:14.000 I just think it's fucking disgusting. 0.99

00:38:17.000 When people are... 0.99

00:38:19.000 Again, it goes back to that you can be anything in this country.

00:38:22.000 You can be anything in this country, and you never hear it from when people go, you can be anything in this country.

00:38:28.000 Having said that, if you're white, if you're born into upper middle class white people or above, it's way easier to be anything, which they never said.

00:38:39.000 Well, no one's saying it's a level playing field, and it's impossible to make it level.

00:38:43.000 Nature's not level.

00:38:45.000 I agree, but they're implying that it's level.

00:38:47.000 I think that the people on the upper crust believe that it's level.

00:38:51.000 Well, I don't believe that anybody believes it's level, but I do think that they think it's a better setup than India. 0.95

00:38:57.000 That's what I think.

00:38:58.000 I think they believe that people here have more of a shot at living a real life than France. 0.79

00:39:02.000 There's people that have these ideals.

00:39:04.000 But you know what America's ranked in terms of class jumping in the world?

00:39:11.000 14th.

00:39:11.000 Really?

00:39:12.000 Yeah.

00:39:12.000 Who's the number one?

00:39:15.000 I'm not even fucking around. 0.99

00:39:16.000 It might be India. 0.99

00:39:17.000 Really?

00:39:18.000 Yeah.

00:39:19.000 It's definitely not...

00:39:21.000 I don't think it's the UK. Or it might be Germany.

00:39:26.000 Germany's got a really good economy.

00:39:28.000 But in terms of like...

00:39:30.000 I thought Germany was in a shitter right now, too.

00:39:32.000 No, they're the only ones that's not. 0.90

00:39:33.000 Really?

00:39:34.000 They're not, yeah.

00:39:35.000 They've done better than anybody.

00:39:36.000 When we were over in Germany doing a show, that's what our driver was saying.

00:39:40.000 Maybe he was just a whiner. 0.50

00:39:44.000 So the idea that America's the best, you can jump...

00:39:47.000 It's like, yeah, first of all, it's 14th in the world out of 200, which, again, is pretty good.

00:39:52.000 But in terms of if you ask people, they'd all go, we're number one.

00:39:55.000 Yeah, you know why we're number one?

00:39:57.000 Because we had Leonard Skinner.

00:39:58.000 We make muscle cars. 1.00

00:40:00.000 We have some of the fucking best shit. 1.00

00:40:02.000 We design some of the best shit. 1.00

00:40:03.000 We invent some of the best shit. 1.00

00:40:04.000 Fucking Van Halen. 1.00

00:40:05.000 There's a reason why. 0.99

00:40:06.000 We have the best comedians.

00:40:08.000 There's a reason why.

00:40:09.000 That's a fact.

00:40:10.000 Even though there's some good ones from other countries, that's a fact. 0.98

00:40:14.000 I'll give us number one on shit that we are factually number one on, but we're not number one. 0.97

00:40:19.000 You can be in any of this country. 0.98

00:40:21.000 We don't have all the best bands, but...

00:40:23.000 We got most of them.

00:40:25.000 Let's be realistic.

00:40:26.000 Yeah, Joe.

00:40:27.000 You make a really good point.

00:40:28.000 We do have most of them.

00:40:29.000 America! 1.00

00:40:30.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00

00:40:32.000 I watched a Ted Nugent concert the other night on TV. They had it on HDNet. 1.00

00:40:37.000 I have this crazy thing with Ted Nugent, man.

00:40:40.000 Ted Nugent is one of my favorite people to watch.

00:40:43.000 How come?

00:40:44.000 Well, first of all, he's super right-wing, rah-rah, guns go America.

00:40:52.000 But he dodged the draft in Vietnam.

00:40:55.000 And if you listen to some of the stories that he told, I don't know if it's true, but by shitting himself and by doing crystal meth and getting his heart rate up and then showing up, I don't know which of those stories are true.

00:41:07.000 But this guy dodged the draft. 0.95

00:41:09.000 And yet he's this crazy, like, super pro-military, God bless our warriors!

00:41:14.000 Yeah.

00:41:14.000 God bless all warriors!

00:41:16.000 And he's got a camo vest on and he's playing guitar.

00:41:18.000 Look, the guy made some badass tunes. 0.99

00:41:21.000 I mean, no matter what you say about his politics, Stranglehold is a fucking jam. 0.92

00:41:25.000 You know, that song, man, that's a badass. 0.96

00:41:28.000 That's one of my favorite all-time songs. 1.00

00:41:29.000 He can play the fucking shit out of a guitar. 1.00

00:41:32.000 Ted Nugent can play the fucking shit out of a guitar. 1.00

00:41:35.000 But goddamn, he's so crazy with this pro-warrior stuff and salute to warriors. 1.00

00:41:41.000 It's... 1.00

00:41:42.000 Well, first of all, it's a pretty easy stance.

00:41:45.000 You know what I mean?

00:41:45.000 It's low-hanging fruit to be like, I support the troops.

00:41:49.000 It's so silly. 0.69

00:41:52.000 It's almost like he's just positioning himself to be a cheerleader. 0.96

00:41:55.000 I'm your guy.

00:41:56.000 I'm your go-to cheerleader.

00:41:57.000 Guarantee you're not going to get nothing but pro-America out of me.

00:42:00.000 You know what I mean?

00:42:00.000 Even controversial.

00:42:02.000 Old Ted's controversial.

00:42:03.000 But you know exactly where it's going.

00:42:05.000 It's marketing. 0.94

00:42:05.000 Yeah, it's fucking fascinating is what it is, man. 0.94

00:42:08.000 Somebody, when... 0.94

00:42:11.000 When they swift-boated John Kerry, Bill Clinton had the best point, which is the minute they swift-boated him, when they said he wasn't a hero, he wasn't all that stuff, he should have challenged Dick Cheney and George Bush to a debate about Vietnam.

00:42:26.000 And he would have won the election like that.

00:42:29.000 I think the way he laid down after that was all over, it was almost like he's not really wanting to be president in the first place.

00:42:38.000 He's soft.

00:42:42.000 Again, that's one of those things. 0.99

00:42:43.000 I feel like Democrats, if they have a shitty candidate, will kind of admit it. 0.58

00:42:48.000 I feel like Republicans kind of did with McCain, where they were like... 0.86

00:42:52.000 Yeah.

00:42:53.000 They went so far as to get Sarah Palin to join them.

00:42:56.000 That's how little they believed in him.

00:42:58.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:42:58.000 They wanted to do it with a trick.

00:43:00.000 They wanted to go with a party favor.

00:43:01.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:43:03.000 Then now this Michelle Bachman thing is fucking frightening to me. 0.95

00:43:07.000 I understand you want to be in charge. 0.98

00:43:10.000 I know you want to win.

00:43:11.000 That's where this winning thing comes again.

00:43:13.000 Yeah.

00:43:13.000 You want to win, but at what cost?

00:43:16.000 Do you really think she's good?

00:43:18.000 Do you really want her to be in charge of something?

00:43:20.000 Here's the real question.

00:43:21.000 Why did this country become like this?

00:43:24.000 Why are other countries more relaxed?

00:43:27.000 Why is Italy the way it is?

00:43:29.000 Italy is really disorganized.

00:43:32.000 In terms of, what are you talking about?

00:43:34.000 What about Italy?

00:43:34.000 No, I mean about the people, about people, their behavior, what they accept and what they don't accept, why they're driven and why they're not driven.

00:43:41.000 Well, that's an...

00:43:42.000 People come here...

00:43:43.000 I mean, I think that originally people came to America to escape.

00:43:48.000 I always call this, like, not England.

00:43:51.000 Whatever England's like, they don't have guns. 0.99

00:43:53.000 Well, we fucking have nothing but guns. 0.99

00:43:55.000 Like, they... 0.99

00:43:59.000 Alright, so the character of America, it is this kind of outlaw thing.

00:44:08.000 It's certainly become this outlaw thing. 0.99

00:44:10.000 And it has become, we make the best fucking cars. 0.99

00:44:15.000 Nobody believes we make the best cars. 0.99

00:44:18.000 Well, whatever you were saying, we make muscle cars.

00:44:21.000 We invented muscle cars. 0.99

00:44:22.000 But if you asked a bunch of people in the South and the Northwest, they would go, yeah, fucking America does. 0.98

00:44:32.000 It's all that stuff of, we're the best. 0.99

00:44:34.000 You don't really hear it in other countries.

00:44:36.000 You hear, like, this is a nice country.

00:44:38.000 But you don't go, we're the best in the world.

00:44:41.000 Canadians are so polite about it.

00:44:43.000 They're like, Canadians are doing good down there, eh?

00:44:45.000 A lot of Canadian comedians in TV, eh?

00:44:49.000 They're all excited.

00:44:50.000 The American character, I think it has to do with the Old West.

00:44:54.000 It's like the last...

00:44:56.000 It's kind of the last land that was settled in the world was the West. 0.93

00:45:01.000 So it's just wild douchebags and their children.

00:45:04.000 Yeah, so it's this idea that we are... 0.93

00:45:07.000 It's a great question.

00:45:08.000 It's one of those guns, germs, and steel things where you just go, I don't really know why we are the way we are.

00:45:14.000 I always think Australian dudes are... 1.00

00:45:17.000 A little rough because of that prison thing.

00:45:20.000 That's why there's so many Australian, like, leading men.

00:45:24.000 Right. 0.99

00:45:24.000 Because they're, like, fucking still dudes over there. 0.99

00:45:27.000 Right. 0.99

00:45:28.000 Whereas, yeah, the American character, I don't know.

00:45:32.000 Yeah, we're a little soft right now.

00:45:34.000 I know, but I don't think we're soft.

00:45:36.000 I think, well, in terms of that.

00:45:37.000 But I'm saying, the American character in terms of, like, we're the best. 0.96

00:45:43.000 We never fucking lose nothing. 0.91

00:45:46.000 Right. 0.98

00:45:46.000 We withdraw from Vietnam. 0.98

00:45:47.000 We don't have an action hero right now.

00:45:49.000 Do we have an action hero? 0.97

00:45:51.000 When Sylvester Stallone is 70 fucking years old, he's still beating people up. 0.97

00:45:54.000 Oh yeah, no, like The Rock's not really much of an action hero. 0.98

00:45:57.000 Yeah, I guess he is.

00:45:57.000 He's legit.

00:45:58.000 Yeah, but he's not legit like Stallone was.

00:46:01.000 No, not yet.

00:46:02.000 No, but it's not going to happen.

00:46:04.000 Well, the thing about Stallone is Stallone was legit as a real actor first, like with Rocky.

00:46:09.000 He was legit as an actor.

00:46:11.000 He was respected.

00:46:13.000 Then he went full-on commercial, as commercial as you can get many, many times.

00:46:18.000 But he started out as that legit guy.

00:46:22.000 So you can never take that away.

00:46:23.000 But in terms of when you talk about action stars, I feel like action stars now, it's like, yeah, it's like the new guy's going to be that guy, Tom Hardy.

00:46:30.000 Christian Bale.

00:46:31.000 Right.

00:46:32.000 Christian Bale, I guess, is kind of an action star.

00:46:33.000 Christian Bale, I guess, is an action star.

00:46:35.000 But I'm not feeling it the same way.

00:46:38.000 Yeah, no, there's none of that 80... 1.00

00:46:40.000 It's morning in America, that shit. 1.00

00:46:45.000 Like, all that's over. 1.00

00:46:46.000 Now it's just this, like...

00:46:48.000 America, to me, is defined at this point by just, like, vicious infighting between left and right.

00:46:55.000 And everyone's got their own little bunker... 1.00

00:46:58.000 And it's like, fuck them. 1.00

00:47:00.000 In the audience, everyone's got their own little feedback loop of people. 1.00

00:47:04.000 I go on the Huffington Post.

00:47:06.000 I go on the Daily Beast.

00:47:07.000 I would never go on Fox News.

00:47:10.000 I actually tweeted a couple weeks ago, which news do you guys root for?

00:47:15.000 Fox or CNN? Because it's come down to these teams of like, I like that news.

00:47:23.000 Meanwhile, it ought to be facts.

00:47:28.000 You know what I mean?

00:47:29.000 But now it's come down to this like, tell me the facts that favor my ego.

00:47:35.000 Spin this so that my worldview is confirmed.

00:47:38.000 It is amazing that we've allowed entertainment to enter into the news.

00:47:43.000 Because that is exactly what it is.

00:47:45.000 Editorial and entertainment. 0.99

00:47:47.000 Whenever you see some fucking guy and he gets busted doing something creepy sexually and he's like a senator, Fox News will always put Democrat next to that guy. 0.99

00:47:57.000 Doesn't matter if that guy's a Republican. 0.99

00:47:59.000 They'll put Democrat, and then they correct it.

00:48:02.000 But the most important thing is, the first inclination, the first image was, another pervert Democrat. 0.54

00:48:12.000 That's illegal, man! 1.00

00:48:14.000 You guys are criminals! 1.00

00:48:15.000 You're fucking sending the news? 1.00

00:48:17.000 You're a propaganda machine. 1.00

00:48:18.000 We're supposed to be protected from that.

00:48:21.000 Well, but that's all gone.

00:48:24.000 This is the protection from that, dude.

00:48:26.000 The internet.

00:48:27.000 I agree.

00:48:28.000 Since doing this, doing your podcast the first time, I don't know, it was six weeks ago or something, I really see the value of the...

00:48:36.000 It's just so democratic. 0.96

00:48:38.000 It's so fucking fair. 0.96

00:48:40.000 Because I went on the road, and I had people showing up from Twitter. 0.96

00:48:44.000 And I was getting a bunch of money at the door.

00:48:48.000 I was getting a percentage of the door instead of this thing of...

00:48:51.000 Yeah, we'll give you $1,500 for the weekend, and then maybe if you make the bonus, which you're never going to make, and then I can do one show, tweet it out, and get a grand.

00:49:01.000 You know what I mean?

00:49:02.000 Get a fair wage for the skill and the popularity, instead of them going, like, you know you're not popular, and you're going, but I have 80,000 people on Twitter who say I'm popular.

00:49:17.000 People come to the show, and yet you're telling me So that's what's great about the internet, is it is really fair, and I didn't even realize the sort of power of it.

00:49:31.000 You were quick to it.

00:49:32.000 Was it because of your worldview, or was it because...

00:49:38.000 Because you just happened to, you lucked into it.

00:49:41.000 Well, I've been pretty deeply embedded into the Internet since 1998 I had a message board on my website.

00:49:47.000 And so from 1998 I would write blogs and I would interact with people on my message board.

00:49:52.000 And I think in 2001 we switched it over to a V Bulletin and now it's got like five million posts on it.

00:49:58.000 It doesn't really.

00:49:59.000 Yeah, it's got, I mean, I don't know how many thousands of members, but it's super active.

00:50:03.000 I mean, people are constantly posting on it on a regular basis.

00:50:06.000 There's great value in connecting with people online.

00:50:11.000 The biggest resource in human history for gathering information, for being introduced to new information, is this.

00:50:19.000 Nothing like Twitter has ever existed before.

00:50:21.000 Every fucking day, someone I don't know is sending me some cool link. 0.99

00:50:26.000 Yesterday it was some fucking crazy video where these dudes took a hornet and they threw it into a spider's nest to see who would win, the hornet or the spider. 0.99

00:50:35.000 It was fucking badass, man. 0.98

00:50:37.000 I heard Marvel bought the rights to the video. 0.99

00:50:39.000 That spider just fucks that hornet up. 1.00

00:50:41.000 Spoiler alert. 0.98

00:50:42.000 Spoiler alert.

00:50:43.000 It's worth seeing again, though.

00:50:45.000 Even if I've given you...

00:50:47.000 What happened to the spider...

00:50:47.000 Spider Jack's the hornet.

00:50:49.000 No comparison.

00:50:50.000 How long was the fight?

00:50:51.000 That was very quick.

00:50:52.000 A few seconds.

00:50:53.000 Did you give it a MMA... No, I did no commentary.

00:50:58.000 I did a lot of this. 1.00

00:51:00.000 Fuck, by myself. 1.00

00:51:01.000 You know when you're by yourself going, fuck. 1.00

00:51:03.000 We're just lucky spiders are little, man. 1.00

00:51:06.000 Can you imagine if a spider is the size of a horse?

00:51:07.000 Not the one that's outside of your house, man.

00:51:08.000 You have tarantulas out here. 0.72

00:51:10.000 I didn't even know there was tarantulas in California.

00:51:12.000 There's a huge...

00:51:13.000 Dead tarantula on his phone.

00:51:14.000 I killed one accidentally. 0.69

00:51:17.000 I didn't realize I'd killed it until I stepped on it.

00:51:20.000 It was in front of my house. 1.00

00:51:21.000 It was like my fucking hand. 1.00

00:51:23.000 It was my hand. 1.00

00:51:24.000 I'm not joking.

00:51:24.000 It was giant.

00:51:25.000 And like a hairy ass. 1.00

00:51:26.000 Hairy fucking crab. 1.00

00:51:27.000 It was a crab walking around. 1.00

00:51:29.000 I really didn't realize how big it was.

00:51:30.000 I stepped on it and it crunched and then I went back inside the house and got a flashlight and came outside and looked at it.

00:51:37.000 It was this giant tarantula.

00:51:39.000 Oof.

00:51:40.000 It was so big, it almost seemed like a pet that got loose.

00:51:42.000 Doesn't that freak you out that when you lay in your bed, that spiders could crawl on your face?

00:51:47.000 Dude, I'm the host of Fear Factor.

00:51:48.000 I thought I knew you from somewhere.

00:51:51.000 I've seen everything creepy and crawly on this planet.

00:51:53.000 On your face?

00:51:54.000 You can't throw me.

00:51:55.000 Yeah, look, dude, Eddie Bravo went to Costa Rica once, and he told me how horrifying it was laying in this place, because it was like an open-air cabana, and that's how they kind of kept it cool. 0.98

00:52:04.000 They were by the ocean, and like above the wall, there was like a gap between the ceiling and the wall, where just air comes in, and fucking bugs, and he said there were like birds, these bird-sized bugs, flying around the fucking room. 0.99

00:52:20.000 Yeah, that kind of shit freaks me out. 0.98

00:52:22.000 But this is not that bad. 1.00

00:52:23.000 Every now and then you've got to kill a snake.

00:52:25.000 Based on that, you were talking about your website.

00:52:27.000 Yeah, he killed a rattlesnake the other day.

00:52:29.000 And then there was tarantulas.

00:52:30.000 You're like an Indiana Jones. 0.72

00:52:31.000 I kill rattlesnakes all the time. 1.00

00:52:32.000 I fuck rattlesnakes up. 1.00

00:52:34.000 People say you shouldn't do that, man. 1.00

00:52:35.000 I've got kids and rattlesnakes can go fuck themselves. 1.00

00:52:39.000 Yeah, if I kiss it. 1.00

00:52:40.000 And I have dogs.

00:52:42.000 When I had pit bulls, both my dogs, I had to bring them to the hospital on two separate occasions for rattlesnake bites.

00:52:48.000 Oh my god.

00:52:49.000 Yeah.

00:52:50.000 Yeah, no, I get it.

00:52:50.000 Rattlesnakes are no joke, dude.

00:52:52.000 You're a fucking vigilante. 1.00

00:52:53.000 I went running once with the dogs. 1.00

00:52:54.000 I ran over this rattlesnake, and I didn't realize I had run over it until I was in the air, in between paces.

00:53:00.000 I thought it was a log. 0.99

00:53:02.000 I thought it was a big-ass fucking branch. 0.99

00:53:04.000 I mean, it was big. 0.99

00:53:06.000 You know, because I'm running with the pit bulls, and I have to keep up with them, and I'm taking the turn, and as I take the turn, we go over.

00:53:10.000 They didn't notice it either, thank God, because it was totally outstretched.

00:53:14.000 They go over it, I go over it, and then I stop and turn.

00:53:17.000 I pull them over, I get them on the leashes, and I start pulling up to the thing, and it's like my forearm, dude.

00:53:23.000 It's enormous. 0.99

00:53:25.000 Big fucking rattlesnake. 1.00

00:53:26.000 Enormous like your forearm. 1.00

00:53:28.000 My forearm feels fucking good. 0.99

00:53:29.000 For a snake, it's huge. 0.99

00:53:31.000 For a guy, it's not too small.

00:53:34.000 It's not that bad.

00:53:35.000 It's not embarrassing. 1.00

00:53:35.000 But these fucking... 1.00

00:53:37.000 This snake was huge, dude. 1.00

00:53:38.000 It was like...

00:53:39.000 It had to be eight feet long.

00:53:41.000 And did it...

00:53:42.000 You didn't kill it, you just... 0.99

00:53:43.000 I tried to kill it.

00:53:44.000 Oh, you did? 1.00

00:53:45.000 Yeah, I tried to kill it. 0.70

00:53:46.000 But it was too hard.

00:53:47.000 I had to tie the dogs up.

00:53:48.000 Your website very quickly.

00:53:49.000 My website I've been doing since 98. Who do you think is...

00:53:54.000 Who is, like, if you had one, if there was, like, the Joe Rogan fan, can you describe him or her to me?

00:54:03.000 There's no.

00:54:04.000 What do they all have?

00:54:06.000 What's the commonality?

00:54:07.000 Is there anything?

00:54:08.000 No, I don't think so.

00:54:09.000 No, there's a lot of, like, right-wing guys on my message board and a lot of, like, really hippie guys.

00:54:15.000 And, you know, I can say there's...

00:54:17.000 No.

00:54:18.000 You know, there's people that appreciate someone who's going to tell you the truth.

00:54:21.000 Right.

00:54:21.000 There's people that know that...

00:54:24.000 I've been involved in controversial shit from the beginning of my career. 0.99

00:54:28.000 I think that if you can express yourself, as long as you can let people know how you feel about things, you should do what the fuck you like. 0.99

00:54:36.000 You should do what you want. 0.99

00:54:37.000 Not worry about other people.

00:54:39.000 That's what I love about Twitter is you just say something. 1.00

00:54:41.000 People are like, fuck you, and you just go, yeah, no, I'm not taking it down. 0.99

00:54:45.000 Like I said, it's the George Bush thing. 1.00

00:54:47.000 George Bush never made a mistake.

00:54:51.000 Yeah, well that's what I mean.

00:54:52.000 So people go, when we kill Bin Laden, it's like, Bin Laden gets killed or whatever you want to say.

00:54:57.000 In people's heads, I think they credit Bush somehow.

00:55:00.000 If there's one constant in all the people that I do meet, is that they're surprisingly nice.

00:55:06.000 And I get this from comedy club waitresses, they're always saying that. 1.00

00:55:10.000 When we do theaters, people always say that, like, your fans are so nice.

00:55:14.000 If there's anything I try to put out, What do you call them underdogs?

00:55:19.000 I guess everyone's an underdog at this point. 0.99

00:55:21.000 In this world, if you're not a fucking CEO of some gigantic corporation, you're an underdog. 0.98

00:55:26.000 What you said about corporations is true, and it is. 0.99

00:55:29.000 Yeah, we're all underdogs.

00:55:30.000 We're all in this together. 0.97

00:55:32.000 If there's anything they share, there's a lot of fucking nice people that come to my shows. 0.92

00:55:37.000 People that are just trying to have some fun, man. 0.76

00:55:39.000 And people that respect someone who's going to say what they really think.

00:55:44.000 Well, that's the other thing, politically, that they've been learning studies of elections.

00:55:50.000 People vote for people with the courage of their convictions.

00:55:54.000 That's why they go, he's a flip-flopper. 1.00

00:55:55.000 Everyone's like, fuck this guy. 1.00

00:55:57.000 Wait, he takes into consideration facts? 1.00

00:56:00.000 And changes his opinion, that's fucking, fuck this guy! 1.00

00:56:04.000 Yeah, I know. 1.00

00:56:04.000 Because he just needs you to be like this pillar. 1.00

00:56:07.000 George Bush was a pillar of, I believe, stupidity, but he didn't move. 0.99

00:56:14.000 Yeah, they also have everybody convinced that if you do flip-flop and get caught, you're done. 1.00

00:56:19.000 But in some ways, you are done because they go, this guy's soft.

00:56:25.000 Right.

00:56:25.000 This guy's a flip-flopper.

00:56:27.000 People respond to the courage of your convictions.

00:56:31.000 I told a story the other night.

00:56:33.000 I did a show with Ari in Montreal.

00:56:37.000 We were telling sex stories.

00:56:39.000 And I told a sex story that I was dating two girls at the same time.

00:56:45.000 Which I don't like doing that, because I told them...

00:56:48.000 Yeah, who wants variety?

00:56:49.000 Well, no, no, no.

00:56:50.000 My problem is when you date more than one girl, you get the stories mixed up.

00:56:54.000 Oh, yeah, that's not good.

00:56:55.000 Where you're like, wait, so does your dad work for Nabisco?

00:56:57.000 Oh, no.

00:56:57.000 My dad's dead.

00:56:58.000 Yeah, he died in 9-11.

00:57:00.000 My mistake.

00:57:02.000 So I was dating two girls.

00:57:05.000 One came over Thursday night.

00:57:07.000 She had very short hair. 1.00

00:57:09.000 And she gave me oral sex. 1.00

00:57:13.000 Friday night, a long-haired girl come over. 1.00

00:57:15.000 She don't come over. 0.97

00:57:18.000 And we had regular sex. 0.98

00:57:21.000 Saturday night, the short-haired girl comes back. 1.00

00:57:23.000 We have oral sex again. 1.00

00:57:25.000 I go to the bathroom. 0.99

00:57:27.000 She comes out and goes, hey, Neil, if you're going to sleep with other girls, be a little more clever about it.

00:57:34.000 I was like, what are you talking about?

00:57:35.000 She goes, I just found a hairband and a condom behind your bed.

00:57:39.000 Now, I'm basically cold busted. 0.91

00:57:42.000 And I took a pause.

00:57:43.000 I go, really?

00:57:44.000 And she goes, yeah.

00:57:45.000 And I go, man, what has been going on in here?

00:57:48.000 And just walked out of the room.

00:57:50.000 And she was fine with it.

00:57:52.000 What?

00:57:52.000 Because I just sold...

00:57:54.000 You just go, that's crazy.

00:57:57.000 And just...

00:57:58.000 You just sell it.

00:57:59.000 Eddie Murphy used to do a joke about it, where it's like, just deny, deny, deny, deny, deny.

00:58:03.000 Yeah, but that's better than denying.

00:58:05.000 Instead of denying, you're incredulous.

00:58:07.000 You can't believe this is going down.

00:58:09.000 That's better than denying.

00:58:10.000 You reacted perfectly.

00:58:12.000 If you denied it, you'd have probably been busted. 0.99

00:58:14.000 But instead of denying it, you didn't even consider it as a possibility that you could have been fucking someone. 0.98

00:58:19.000 Somebody's been doing it. 1.00

00:58:20.000 Yeah, you were like, what the fuck is this? 0.99

00:58:22.000 I gotta talk to the manager or something. 0.99

00:58:24.000 You must have a clean underneath bed, though.

00:58:27.000 I never clean underneath my bed, so even if a girl came underneath my bed, she'd be like, oh my god, there's 500 comments. 1.00

00:58:32.000 Somebody taught me a long time ago, if you're dating more than one girl, you've got to have a lint brush.

00:58:38.000 That's the key, lint brush, because girls shed a lot of hair. 1.00

00:58:42.000 And earrings, you've got to scoop earrings up, you've got to have a lint brush, you've really got to be on top of it.

00:58:48.000 You're getting variety, Joe.

00:58:50.000 Yeah, but there's a lot of...

00:58:54.000 Look, people don't think about it from the guy's point of view, who has to date three different women.

00:59:00.000 They only say, you're a dog, yes, but do you have any kind of idea of the stress I'm under? 0.97

00:59:06.000 That I'm constantly having to lint brush things and fucking collect earrings and socks? 0.99

00:59:13.000 People don't think about it. 0.98

00:59:14.000 People feel bad for you, dude. 1.00

00:59:15.000 You should be able to cheat and not get fucked with. 1.00

00:59:18.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:59:18.000 These bras gotta get off my back. 1.00

00:59:21.000 What do you think about people that want to live a polyamorous life and just continue that forever?

00:59:26.000 Like the idea that we should never be committed to one person.

00:59:29.000 We all should stop being so jealous about what our loved ones do with their bodies and just go and have wild... 0.77

00:59:37.000 It's a great idea in theory.

00:59:41.000 I think it's good.

00:59:43.000 I had a girlfriend and then we broke up.

00:59:47.000 And now it seems as if we're headed back to togetherness. 0.99

00:59:50.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

00:59:51.000 Hey. 1.00

00:59:53.000 And we were talking about it yesterday, actually.

00:59:57.000 My problem with relationships is...

01:00:00.000 You have to make an emotional promise in the future.

01:00:05.000 So I have to go, I'm gonna love you ten years from now. 0.95

01:00:10.000 Meanwhile, I've changed so much in three years, the fact that I'm making fucking emotional promises is crazy.

01:00:18.000 I hope I love you. 0.99

01:00:20.000 I hope I love you, but the idea of going like, I guarantee you I love you, and if I can't, then you get half of my shit. 0.98

01:00:28.000 I bet you that I'm going to love you. 0.99

01:00:30.000 I'll bet you half my shit that I'm going to love you. 0.99

01:00:32.000 Relationships make sense to me, of course. 0.99

01:00:34.000 Marriage doesn't make sense to me unless kids are involved.

01:00:37.000 And even then, I only got married because of my wife.

01:00:40.000 I wanted her to be happy, and I wasn't going anywhere.

01:00:43.000 I'm committed to the whole thing and raising children and all that.

01:00:46.000 It requires this level of commitment, and I'm more than willing to embrace it. 0.99

01:00:50.000 The only reason why I was willing to do it legally and sign all that stuff was like, this is some crazy, stupid tradition. 1.00

01:00:57.000 It's completely ridiculous. 1.00

01:00:59.000 It's insane. 0.94

01:01:00.000 You should have to break up, and you have to bring in the legal system. 0.95

01:01:03.000 So to do it without children, to me, seems preposterous. 0.56

01:01:07.000 To do it with children is ridiculous, but I submitted to it. 1.00

01:01:10.000 But to do it just because you're in love, like, my God, you're crazy. 0.99

01:01:15.000 You're connecting yourself with someone legally, and how well do you really fucking know them? 0.98

01:01:20.000 Especially if things are going great. 0.94

01:01:24.000 When your life is going great and everything's going great, you barely know people. 1.00

01:01:27.000 You know them when some shit hits the fan. 0.99

01:01:29.000 It's easy to know somebody when you're both in love with each other. 0.99

01:01:34.000 Especially in the beginning.

01:01:36.000 Because every little annoyance is like, nah, that's a little thing, and then it metastasizes.

01:01:40.000 And it's three and a half years later, and you're like, And also, you might be evolving and them not, or vice-a-verse.

01:01:48.000 Absolutely.

01:01:48.000 You just know how you've evolved as a person.

01:01:51.000 You almost are saying, if you get into this relationship, like, I'm done evolving.

01:01:58.000 And I know the way I feel about this and you is never going to change.

01:02:04.000 It seems like a stasis.

01:02:06.000 Well, you could get involved with a chick and then she could turn vegan on you. 1.00

01:02:10.000 And then you're in the middle of the relationship and all of a sudden they're giving you shit about eating cheeseburgers and stuff and you're like, oh fuck, really? 1.00

01:02:16.000 I've been that woman. 0.99

01:02:17.000 Have you?

01:02:18.000 Well, no, people think I am vegan.

01:02:21.000 I was single.

01:02:22.000 Why vegan though?

01:02:23.000 Why not vegetarian? 1.00

01:02:25.000 Because the meat industry is fucking disgusting. 1.00

01:02:27.000 Right. 1.00

01:02:28.000 Like, the amount of greenhouse gases cows emit, shit like that. 0.99

01:02:32.000 Like, they're worse than cars. 0.99

01:02:35.000 And I'm not that big a meat guy.

01:02:37.000 I just wasn't, you know.

01:02:39.000 Here's the problem with that statement.

01:02:40.000 Go.

01:02:40.000 Cows are awesome, and so are cars.

01:02:42.000 Oh, cool.

01:02:43.000 So we got a problem.

01:02:45.000 Cool.

01:02:45.000 We've got a problem because I enjoy steak.

01:02:47.000 Are you going to testify before Congress?

01:02:49.000 I will if they call me.

01:02:50.000 That would be a riveting testimony.

01:02:54.000 And if I do testify before Congress, you can guarantee 100% I will be high on marijuana.

01:02:59.000 It's the only way I would ever testify.

01:03:01.000 Did the Fear Factor people get on you about talking about being high on camera?

01:03:06.000 One of the producers sent me a text message when we had signed the deal saying, break out the pot lollipops because it was an inside joke.

01:03:14.000 I would take a pot lollipop every day at work.

01:03:16.000 Right.

01:03:17.000 That's how I enjoyed the show.

01:03:18.000 I enjoyed doing it when I was stoned. 0.99

01:03:21.000 I would come in, if I wasn't stoned, I would think about all the shit that I could be doing at home. 0.98

01:03:25.000 I could be playing pool with one of my friends. 0.98

01:03:27.000 I could go to jujitsu class. 0.98

01:03:29.000 I'll do all these things that I would like to do today and write some jokes instead of being out here in some fucking rock quarry with six different knuckleheads that want to be famous on TV. 0.98

01:03:40.000 But then I would have that pot lollipop and I would soak in the full experience. 0.99

01:03:45.000 And then all of a sudden I'm like a fucking scientist. 0.99

01:03:48.000 Then all of a sudden I'm studying human behavior and taking it all in. 0.99

01:03:52.000 Thinking about cows and cars.

01:03:53.000 I'm thinking about the distance between the sun and the earth and how this atmosphere keeps the heat in and how crazy it is that if it just shifts a little bit we freeze to death.

01:04:02.000 So you're back on the lollipops?

01:04:05.000 Oh yeah, right away.

01:04:06.000 Great.

01:04:07.000 There's no way to do it other than that.

01:04:08.000 I wouldn't disrespect people that enjoy the original show by trying to do it sober. 0.99

01:04:14.000 I did 148 episodes throwing out of my fucking mind. 0.94

01:04:17.000 Yeah, you don't want to fuck up the integrity of that. 0.99

01:04:19.000 But listen, it's medical marijuana.

01:04:21.000 What I'm doing is legal in the state of California.

01:04:24.000 I'm a voter.

01:04:25.000 Somebody told me to ask you about something that's like, it's the chemical that gets released when you die, but you can eat it or smoke it or something.

01:04:36.000 DMT. Oh, sorry.

01:04:40.000 I've talked about it so many times on the podcast.

01:04:42.000 So I'll just Google it or something?

01:04:43.000 Yeah, Google it.

01:04:44.000 I'll give you a documentary to watch.

01:04:46.000 Oh, can you get me any? 1.00

01:04:47.000 No, I can't because it's illegal, you fucking retard. 1.00

01:04:50.000 You mean like weed lollipops, you fucking criminal? 1.00

01:04:53.000 No, I mean like dimethyltryptamine is like really, really illegal. 0.99

01:04:58.000 It's not like a slap in the wrist sort of a thing.

01:05:01.000 It's like having a nuclear weapon in your house or something.

01:05:03.000 Is that true?

01:05:04.000 It's schedule one.

01:05:06.000 But so is weed.

01:05:07.000 But weed, as Elise has admitted, even the government has admitted, has certain medical properties to it.

01:05:14.000 You're very hard-pressed to come up with medical properties for DMT. The problem is, DMT exists in many different plants, not just one, and all the plants that it exists in are legal.

01:05:25.000 So you can actually have a plant that contains DMT in it.

01:05:28.000 It's not like having a marijuana plant which contains THC. The DMT plant would not be illegal.

01:05:33.000 It would only be illegal if you extracted it, if you went into the plant and took this stuff out.

01:05:38.000 But the problem is it also exists in your own body.

01:05:40.000 It's like Terrence McKenna had a joke.

01:05:42.000 Everybody's holding when it comes to DMT. You're all legal.

01:05:45.000 You all have it.

01:05:47.000 Isn't HGH illegal?

01:05:49.000 It's different.

01:05:50.000 It's synthesized with bacteria.

01:05:52.000 I mean, they make it.

01:05:52.000 It's something that they make in the laboratory.

01:05:54.000 It's different.

01:05:55.000 But I'm saying, is it not Schedule I? No, no, no.

01:05:58.000 You can get it prescribed.

01:05:59.000 They prescribe it for a bunch of different things.

01:06:01.000 Oh, right.

01:06:02.000 For retardation. 1.00

01:06:03.000 Well, it's healthy.

01:06:03.000 It's healthy for your body.

01:06:05.000 I mean, I'm not saying all levels of it are healthy, but it's beneficial for people that have injuries.

01:06:10.000 Will you write down how much it costs you per month?

01:06:11.000 Because I really want to know.

01:06:13.000 Well, we'll sit down and I'll talk to you.

01:06:14.000 No, I know, but I don't want to wait.

01:06:15.000 I want to know the information.

01:06:17.000 Okay, well, we'll do that some other time.

01:06:19.000 I'll tell you. 0.99

01:06:19.000 Joe, maybe you didn't fucking hear me. 0.99

01:06:23.000 I knew you should have got high with us before the show. 0.99

01:06:25.000 No, I don't smoke weed.

01:06:26.000 Neil Brennan is not high on my wine.

01:06:27.000 I don't smoke weed.

01:06:28.000 And Brian and I are.

01:06:29.000 You need some in your life, bro.

01:06:31.000 It'll settle you out.

01:06:32.000 Do you drink?

01:06:33.000 Not really.

01:06:34.000 It'll put you in a good place.

01:06:35.000 How come you don't smoke the weed?

01:06:36.000 Because it just makes me sleepy.

01:06:38.000 You're getting the wrong weed.

01:06:39.000 I understand that.

01:06:40.000 My weed does not make you sleepy.

01:06:41.000 It makes you think about space.

01:06:43.000 Yeah.

01:06:43.000 No, I do want to do the chamber.

01:06:47.000 You should do it then. 1.00

01:06:48.000 The fuck? 1.00

01:06:48.000 I do want to do it. 1.00

01:06:49.000 Who's holding you back?

01:06:50.000 If you wanted to do it, why haven't you done it yet?

01:06:52.000 You're one of those guys.

01:06:53.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:06:53.000 You fuck. 1.00

01:06:54.000 Something. 1.00

01:06:54.000 There's a force. 1.00

01:06:55.000 A lot of people are scared, man.

01:06:56.000 Scared of themselves.

01:06:58.000 Yeah, I feel like I know myself pretty well.

01:07:00.000 That tank is you, buddy.

01:07:01.000 If you know yourself, you're going to get to know yourself much better.

01:07:04.000 Especially if you're high.

01:07:05.000 The scariest, most self-soul-searching moments I've ever had is alone in that tank on a pot brownie.

01:07:12.000 Yeah. 0.96

01:07:12.000 Because the marijuana, when you eat it especially, anything that's fucking with you, anything that's in your head that you're not happy with just gets exposed. 0.96

01:07:20.000 Right. 0.97

01:07:21.000 That's the beauty of that tank.

01:07:23.000 It's just like a...

01:07:25.000 It's just the best show for you to see that is your life.

01:07:31.000 That is like, here is you.

01:07:33.000 This is you.

01:07:34.000 We're going to put on a show, and we're going to show you.

01:07:36.000 We're going to do a documentary on your life.

01:07:38.000 What changes did you make as a result of...

01:07:42.000 I'm not talking about outlook.

01:07:43.000 I'm talking about behavior.

01:07:48.000 From the tank?

01:07:49.000 Yeah.

01:07:49.000 I think it slowly but surely made me a nicer person.

01:07:54.000 Oh, yeah?

01:07:55.000 Yeah.

01:07:55.000 Made me more humble.

01:07:57.000 I think all the psychedelic experiences make you humble.

01:08:00.000 They're all very humbling because they're very ego-dissolving and you feel like you're connected with everything.

01:08:07.000 And when you come back, you're very like, wow.

01:08:09.000 Just knowing that that experience exists.

01:08:12.000 Well, you've heard that.

01:08:12.000 You saw that study where people that did shrooms, like adults did it, like conservative adults.

01:08:18.000 And I think 7 out of 10 said it was one of the best spiritual experiences of their life.

01:08:26.000 And they do it again.

01:08:27.000 Of course it would be.

01:08:27.000 It's beautiful.

01:08:29.000 No, I agree.

01:08:29.000 I've always said I would encourage my kids to do shrimps.

01:08:32.000 It's all about set and setting.

01:08:35.000 People have taken them in party ideas, in a party scene.

01:08:39.000 And, you know, had a bad time.

01:08:40.000 Maybe they got too high and had a bad trip.

01:08:42.000 It's going to take you on a journey.

01:08:45.000 And you have to submit to the journey.

01:08:46.000 And you also have to be willing to go for a ride, man.

01:08:49.000 You can't try to resist it.

01:08:51.000 If you try to resist it and hold it back or deny the things that it's exposing, that's what a bad trip is all about, you know?

01:08:57.000 That's the epitome of a bad trip.

01:08:59.000 I also think there's people that just shouldn't ever do it ever, though.

01:09:02.000 Absolutely.

01:09:03.000 Like Duncan saying yesterday that he wanted to...

01:09:09.000 It's a really brilliant idea.

01:09:13.000 Injecting it into the common cold.

01:09:16.000 Injecting LSD into the common cold.

01:09:18.000 So somehow when you got the common cold, you also went on this vast LSD trip.

01:09:23.000 And I was like, wow, that is brilliant.

01:09:25.000 Yeah, until you get some kid that has, you know, whatever, some kind of Alzheimer's, or not Alzheimer's, but autism, and then he gets that, and then he goes out and shoots up a...

01:09:36.000 What a genius idea, though, the idea of spreading something psychoactive through a cold.

01:09:41.000 I wonder if that's possible.

01:09:43.000 Just the idea of a cold, to me, is so bizarre.

01:09:45.000 The idea that there's some invading organism that tries to shut your body down and consume it, and you have to battle it with your immune system.

01:09:52.000 But the fact that maybe this invading army might carry psychedelic chemicals?

01:09:57.000 Why not?

01:09:57.000 Well, that's where the capitalism thing comes in again.

01:10:00.000 The what thing?

01:10:00.000 Capitalism.

01:10:01.000 Because they spend more money on boner pills than they do on solving the common cold because there's just more money in boner pills.

01:10:09.000 Probably AIDS research than boner pills because there's just more money.

01:10:12.000 It's like, yeah, but you're going to do more good, inherent good.

01:10:16.000 What do you think about the people that don't believe that HIV causes AIDS? Have you ever heard of this argument?

01:10:24.000 What the fuck is the guy's name? 0.98

01:10:25.000 There's one doctor that's like a very well-respected doctor, and he's a teacher at the University of California in Berkeley, and he, for whatever reason, doesn't believe that HIV causes AIDS. Yeah, I mean, again, I think all conspiracy theorists and all that shit is just about people going like, they're lying. 0.99

01:10:48.000 It's like calling bullshit all the time so that you feel like you have the upper hand on life. 0.98

01:10:54.000 His name's Peter Duesberg. 0.51

01:10:56.000 Yeah, this is the only thing, the only reason why I listen to this guy at all, I mean, I don't, but the only reason why I would, is that he's a PhD professor in molecular biology at the University of California, Berkeley.

01:11:06.000 That sounds like a guy who knows things.

01:11:08.000 Yeah, but having said that, there's hundreds of guys that contradict that. 0.97

01:11:12.000 I know, but it's just so funny when a guy like this, like, this is my point of view, I'm in no way saying that HIV does not cause AIDS, nor would I ever, what the fuck do I know? 0.59

01:11:22.000 I'm not a doctor. 0.77

01:11:26.000 He's got real nice forearms, though. 1.00

01:11:27.000 He's got forearms like a fucking thick rattlesnake. 1.00

01:11:30.000 Like a snake. 1.00

01:11:30.000 Like a thick snake. 1.00

01:11:31.000 When a guy like this Peter Duisburg guy, who is way more educated than me in the subject, and way smarter than me, too. 0.99

01:11:38.000 When this guy has some fucking, you know, all these website articles and all these published papers on this shit, and he believes that AZT was what was killing all these people back in the day. 0.98

01:11:50.000 God bless him. 1.00

01:11:51.000 Sounds completely nutty.

01:11:54.000 Yeah, God bless him. 0.92

01:11:55.000 I mean, he might be just as crazy as the person that's saying that the end of the world was going to happen two months ago, you know? 0.77

01:12:00.000 You know, it's funny how much worse alcohol is for you than AIDS. Because look, Magic Johnson is alive and kicking with HIV, but Amy Winehouse is dead as fuck due to alcohol. 1.00

01:12:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:12:13.000 That's pretty interesting. 0.99

01:12:15.000 HIV did not kill Magic Johnson.

01:12:17.000 Well, at least AIDS is way more treatable.

01:12:18.000 Yeah.

01:12:19.000 Than alcoholism.

01:12:21.000 Yeah, than alcoholism or even drug addiction.

01:12:24.000 Yeah, nobody wants to get AIDS again.

01:12:26.000 Alcoholics, you have to keep them from going back to getting it.

01:12:29.000 Could you imagine if someone got AIDS and you cured them and they're like, oh, I'd just like to get some AIDS again. 1.00

01:12:33.000 Shit, I got this itch for AIDS every day. 0.99

01:12:35.000 What are you guys doing this weekend? 1.00

01:12:36.000 AIDS? I'm trying not to get AIDS, guys.

01:12:38.000 I'm trying not to get AIDS. But that's alcohol.

01:12:42.000 You gotta keep those people from crawling back into that fucking alcoholics depression. 1.00

01:12:47.000 Do you drink much? 1.00

01:12:47.000 No. 1.00

01:12:48.000 I mean, I do occasionally.

01:12:49.000 Yeah, me too.

01:12:50.000 But I don't need it.

01:12:51.000 If I go out to dinner, I might have a glass of wine or something like that.

01:12:54.000 If I go out with some friends and somebody wants to do a shot, I usually don't say no.

01:12:58.000 But I could go the rest of my life without drinking and I'd be fine.

01:13:01.000 I feel the exact same way.

01:13:02.000 But the marijuana?

01:13:04.000 Because the idea of being like, I need alcohol to get rid of my inhibitions.

01:13:11.000 I don't really have any inhibitions.

01:13:13.000 Look at you with your arms up in the air like that, exposing your armpits. 1.00

01:13:17.000 You don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:13:18.000 You're like, I don't even have any inhibitions, man. 0.99

01:13:20.000 Look, guys. 1.00

01:13:21.000 This is like some shit that you would say to a chick right before you whipped your cock up. 1.00

01:13:24.000 Oh, a buddy of mine used to say the greatest pickup line. 1.00

01:13:27.000 You know this buddy?

01:13:28.000 I won't tell you who it is.

01:13:28.000 Okay, I'll know who it is immediately.

01:13:30.000 He used to say, he would go up to girls and go, they say that spontaneity is a sign of intelligence, and you strike me as a very spontaneous person. 0.99

01:13:43.000 Let's say we go back to my place and fuck or something. 0.99

01:13:47.000 And it would work. 1.00

01:13:48.000 What?

01:13:49.000 Is that your ideas?

01:13:50.000 How awful...

01:13:50.000 Listen, you, uh...

01:13:54.000 Me and you, we both intelligent here. 0.99

01:13:57.000 Let's cut the bullshit here. 0.99

01:13:59.000 You look spontaneous. 1.00

01:14:00.000 Look at you with the fucking muffler hanging out there. 1.00

01:14:04.000 It was in the 80s. 1.00

01:14:05.000 In the 80s.

01:14:06.000 This is pre-AIDS. Okay, pre-AIDS, nice.

01:14:08.000 Just a Raw Dog.

01:14:10.000 Yeah, Raw Dog.

01:14:11.000 That's a Ted Nugent song.

01:14:12.000 Raw Dog, Warthog.

01:14:14.000 It's one of his war tribute songs.

01:14:15.000 So you know, like, Deep Nugent.

01:14:18.000 Well, this is one of the reasons why, because, look, even from people that I disagree with on some things, I may agree with very much so on other things.

01:14:26.000 And one of the things I agree with him is he's a hunter, and he gets all of his food from his own ranch.

01:14:33.000 He has this...

01:14:33.000 Huge high fence set up where there's several thousand acres he owns in Texas.

01:14:38.000 And he goes around on his ranch and shoots animals.

01:14:41.000 That's what he eats.

01:14:42.000 He doesn't eat cheeseburgers.

01:14:43.000 I love subsistence farming.

01:14:45.000 Yeah, I like the idea of that.

01:14:47.000 Yeah, I love the fact that this guy stands up for people that think that there's something wrong with hunting. 0.95

01:14:54.000 And I think that's completely ridiculous. 0.99

01:14:56.000 I think if you're eating meat and then you're telling people that they shouldn't be hunting, that's just fucking nonsense, man. 1.00

01:15:02.000 It's ridiculous. 1.00

01:15:03.000 Hunting is... 1.00

01:15:04.000 If you want protein from animals, it's probably the best way to get it for you, and it's probably the best way to get it for your head so you understand what the fuck meat is. 0.99

01:15:13.000 The reason why American Indians were so vigilant when it came to using every single part of that animal is because they knew how goddamn hard it was to get a deer. 0.99

01:15:25.000 You used every part of that animal.

01:15:27.000 Nothing went to waste.

01:15:28.000 Right.

01:15:29.000 And we have this incredibly wasteful society, incredibly wasteful attitude.

01:15:35.000 And I think hunting and gathering up your own food, just so you can put that in your head, that's really what you're eating.

01:15:41.000 This is where it comes from.

01:15:42.000 I was talking to people the other day about if they thought the recession Would change people's character somewhat.

01:15:51.000 Because it seemed like everyone was rich for 10 years, and now it seems like everyone's poor.

01:16:01.000 I would drive around LA and go, I make a good living and I don't have a BMW. Or I don't have a poor, whatever these cars are.

01:16:10.000 So I'm hoping that it'll go back to...

01:16:14.000 I hope people's values will be less materialistic.

01:16:18.000 I mean, I could go either way.

01:16:21.000 I can make an argument for either being likely to happen because they're not going to stop promoting consumerism.

01:16:30.000 We're locked into a certain pattern of behavior, and it would take something monumental to shift that. 0.98

01:16:35.000 It would take some 1960s type shit where everybody got on acid. 0.97

01:16:39.000 It would really take something like that. 0.99

01:16:41.000 I don't think that's ever going to happen again.

01:16:43.000 I just have a theory that those computers are too good. 1.00

01:16:47.000 Shit's too sweet, man. 1.00

01:16:49.000 It's too fucking easy. 1.00

01:16:50.000 Sit in my house or go out and riot? 0.99

01:16:53.000 Go out and pick it?

01:16:55.000 Go out and... 1.00

01:16:55.000 You know, the reason those kids in London were rioting is because they fucking are poor and they have nothing to do. 1.00

01:17:02.000 Well, listen, there's a thing going on in Florida right now where they have a real problem with these pain management centers. 0.99

01:17:07.000 And what it is is legal drugs, oxycontins.

01:17:11.000 You can get them at a pain management center where you go in and you literally go to a doctor and then right next door from the doctor, after he writes you a prescription, there's a pharmacy.

01:17:19.000 It's all inside the same building.

01:17:20.000 Right.

01:17:21.000 And what it is, is they figured out a way to make heroin in a pill form.

01:17:24.000 It's really that simple.

01:17:25.000 They figured out a way to make heroin in a pill form, and then it got released.

01:17:28.000 Well, if someone ever does release, whether it's psilocybin or whatever the fuck it is, when they start releasing it as a medicine, and they are working on that.

01:17:38.000 Yeah, there was a thing a couple weeks ago about it.

01:17:40.000 Yeah, they are working on that.

01:17:40.000 And they have the perfect dosage.

01:17:42.000 They have the dosage that is not too much and that will get everyone nice and high. 0.99

01:17:47.000 What's going to happen is that shit's going to get out, just like it gets out in Florida. 0.98

01:17:50.000 I don't know what state it's going to be, but there's going to be one state where the pharmaceutical companies make some fucking creepy deal with the congressmen and with the senators, and somehow or another they allow... 0.99

01:18:00.000 Florida doesn't have a database.

01:18:02.000 The way Florida's set up is you could be a doctor, you could prescribe Brian some OxyContin, and then Brian goes next door to me, I'm a doctor, I prescribe him some OxyContin, and he goes down the street and he just keeps going.

01:18:11.000 Keep going.

01:18:11.000 There's no database.

01:18:12.000 You just go to as many places as you want. 0.99

01:18:14.000 As long as you don't come in scratching your fucking skin off with blood coming out of your eyeballs, they just move you on to the next. 0.98

01:18:21.000 Yeah, but I don't think, but even the cybacillin thing, I think if you feel like I just feel like we're locked into this thing of possession. 0.99

01:18:31.000 Well, that's what would cure that.

01:18:33.000 Big groups of mushroom users getting together and forming communities.

01:18:39.000 You can have a lot of people that have had these Changing, transforming love experiences.

01:18:46.000 When you do mushrooms, you really do love everybody.

01:18:49.000 You really have this joy for all things living around you.

01:18:53.000 This sense of a symbiosis.

01:18:57.000 A sense of a connection with everything.

01:19:00.000 Whether it's the molecules of the air, the grass, the trees.

01:19:03.000 This connection that you can't feel when you're on it.

01:19:06.000 It could be completely An illusion or whatever.

01:19:09.000 But alcohol is completely an illusion too.

01:19:11.000 And the culture of alcohol absolutely shapes an area.

01:19:14.000 Makes you hate everyone around you.

01:19:17.000 The culture of using psilocybin would be the best thing for a society.

01:19:23.000 Is that what alcohol does to you?

01:19:24.000 It makes you angry?

01:19:25.000 No.

01:19:25.000 Again, it just makes me sleepy.

01:19:28.000 I need energy.

01:19:29.000 I don't have a...

01:19:31.000 An excess of energy, so I can't be...

01:19:33.000 Like, if I were going to do drugs, I'd do cocaine or speed or something.

01:19:36.000 I've never done any of them.

01:19:38.000 You don't do any drugs at all?

01:19:40.000 Nothing?

01:19:40.000 I'd take Zoloft and I would do shrimps.

01:19:43.000 Well, you shouldn't do shrooms if you take Zoloft.

01:19:45.000 I believe that that's not good for you.

01:19:47.000 I believe that you're not supposed to combine those two.

01:19:49.000 I haven't in a long time.

01:19:54.000 How long have you been on the Zoloft?

01:19:56.000 Twelve years.

01:19:57.000 Wow.

01:19:59.000 What does that do for you?

01:20:00.000 It makes me not want to cry.

01:20:04.000 It makes me not, like, it makes me...

01:20:06.000 Couldn't you just put paper over the mirrors?

01:20:09.000 Yeah, that's true.

01:20:10.000 Nice one.

01:20:10.000 Oh!

01:20:12.000 Oh! 0.60

01:20:13.000 What are you...

01:20:13.000 Hey, plug some dates.

01:20:15.000 Come on! 0.61

01:20:15.000 Hey, Joe, plug some dates. 0.61

01:20:16.000 Try the wings.

01:20:17.000 Have you always been a sad person growing up?

01:20:19.000 Yeah.

01:20:19.000 Or did you just get on full off after a relationship?

01:20:21.000 No, I was always a sad person.

01:20:22.000 Did you ever try anything like regular exercise, like running?

01:20:27.000 Yeah.

01:20:27.000 Did that help?

01:20:28.000 No.

01:20:28.000 I mean it helps in the cocktail.

01:20:32.000 I think I'm better off exercising than not.

01:20:35.000 So it adds to it.

01:20:36.000 Yeah.

01:20:37.000 But if I took nothing and just exercised, I just get real low energy.

01:20:44.000 Zoloft in particular.

01:20:45.000 That's how I am.

01:20:48.000 Zoloft, in particular, is supposed to have a psychotic effect when you introduce it to cocaine.

01:20:54.000 Cocaine and Zoloft together is supposed to be very bad.

01:20:56.000 People have psychotic episodes.

01:20:58.000 Got it.

01:20:58.000 Yeah, I mean, there's no risk of me doing cocaine.

01:21:01.000 No.

01:21:02.000 But there's a real risk of me doing mushrooms.

01:21:05.000 Yeah, you should.

01:21:06.000 You should find out about that from someone who also has it and does it.

01:21:09.000 Now, have you tried to take a break from it?

01:21:12.000 Yeah.

01:21:13.000 It was a couple years ago I took a break, and I remember I'd be out with my girlfriend at the time at dinner with her and her friends, and I literally would be falling asleep.

01:21:24.000 Not because the regular reasons guys want to fall asleep, just because I couldn't...

01:21:30.000 I was so...

01:21:31.000 Were you vegan at the time?

01:21:34.000 No.

01:21:34.000 That's back when I was eating meat, guys.

01:21:37.000 That's fucking interesting, isn't it? 0.94

01:21:40.000 But I just realized before I started taking that 5-HTP stuff that I started taking recently and up my dosage of Zoloft, my neck and back and shoulders were fucking tight and knotted up all the time for like years. 0.93

01:21:55.000 How often do you exercise?

01:21:57.000 A couple times a week.

01:21:58.000 Now I've been trying to exercise every day.

01:22:01.000 Because I want to...

01:22:02.000 Like I said, I think it helped. 0.63

01:22:05.000 Dude, get a punching bag. 1.00

01:22:06.000 It's the greatest thing you can ever have.

01:22:08.000 You blow off so much stress.

01:22:10.000 Get someone to teach you how to punch correctly. 1.00

01:22:11.000 Get a punching bag and just beat the shit out of it. 1.00

01:22:13.000 You feel so good. 1.00

01:22:14.000 When you're done, it's like...

01:22:17.000 When you get angry, what do people want to do?

01:22:19.000 They want to hit things. 0.98

01:22:20.000 There's nothing better than just beating the fuck out of this inanimate object. 0.99

01:22:23.000 It just blows all that monkey DNA out of your system. 1.00

01:22:27.000 I feel like I'd break my wrist or something.

01:22:29.000 No, you wrap them up.

01:22:30.000 You wrap your wrists up.

01:22:31.000 Oh, yeah?

01:22:31.000 Yeah, you tape your hands.

01:22:33.000 It's not that hard.

01:22:33.000 They sell these gel wraps that are pretty easy to learn how to wrap your hands up.

01:22:38.000 And then if you're smart, you put a little athletic tape over that.

01:22:41.000 It takes five minutes, not even.

01:22:43.000 Okay.

01:22:43.000 Well, I go to the Gold's Gym in Venice.

01:22:45.000 Do they have a bag?

01:22:46.000 The Mecca.

01:22:47.000 Do you?

01:22:47.000 Do you do squats there?

01:22:49.000 I do.

01:22:50.000 I take an exercise class with a bunch of 40-year-old women. 1.00

01:22:54.000 That would actually be funny, watching a guy just lifting very little weight, but just fucking screaming through it. 0.97

01:23:02.000 I take it with a bunch of 40-year-olds. 0.97

01:23:04.000 It's called Body Pump. 0.94

01:23:06.000 And it's actually a great class. 0.98

01:23:08.000 Do you find your butt to be more attractive? 1.00

01:23:11.000 Shut your fucking mouth. 1.00

01:23:16.000 You'll enjoy this, Joe. 1.00

01:23:17.000 I'm enjoying it already.

01:23:19.000 Barbell.

01:23:20.000 Adjustable weights.

01:23:22.000 Put as much as you want, little as much as you want.

01:23:25.000 And then we do every muscle group in unison to music.

01:23:29.000 So the weight is varied from person to person, but the exercise is the same, and you get every single group.

01:23:40.000 Now, are there women in the class that lift more than me? 1.00

01:23:43.000 Yeah!

01:23:44.000 There are, Joe.

01:23:45.000 Is that tough for me?

01:23:47.000 Yeah, Joe.

01:23:49.000 It's tough. 0.97

01:23:49.000 But I like the class, and those bitches better watch their backs, because I am going up to the 40-pound level when it comes to curls. 0.97

01:23:58.000 And then it's shake weight class. 0.98

01:24:00.000 No, but it is a great class.

01:24:01.000 Actually, 40 pounds is a lot for one of them.

01:24:03.000 If you're doing it for two arms, a lot of reps, I would think that would be a good workout.

01:24:06.000 Yeah, no, I'm doing all right.

01:24:07.000 But that's the...

01:24:08.000 No, look at...

01:24:09.000 Hey, Joe!

01:24:10.000 I won't apologize.

01:24:11.000 Don't worry about it.

01:24:11.000 No, but it's music.

01:24:12.000 It's like a whole thing.

01:24:13.000 Right.

01:24:13.000 Because I don't know.

01:24:14.000 I know I basically figured out what to do, but I like the hour and doing it.

01:24:20.000 And they make you do it.

01:24:21.000 You do it to them.

01:24:22.000 You follow along.

01:24:22.000 Yeah, there's a teacher.

01:24:23.000 Whereas when you're by yourself, it's hard to motivate yourself.

01:24:26.000 Yeah.

01:24:27.000 And it's also, I would take a break and go get some water.

01:24:31.000 This is like, go, go, go, go, go.

01:24:33.000 It's a good class, guys. 1.00

01:24:34.000 A lot of those fucking classes are hard, man. 1.00

01:24:37.000 You can poo-poo them all you want. 1.00

01:24:38.000 But a lot of those crazy, like, where they pull out the steps and you start stepping up and down and throwing punches. 1.00

01:24:44.000 That shit's fucking difficult. 1.00

01:24:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:24:47.000 Well, I think girls just like, it's that group thing.

01:24:51.000 It's like going to the bathroom together. 1.00

01:24:52.000 They like doing shit together. 1.00

01:24:54.000 Yes. 1.00

01:24:55.000 They yell at each other, though.

01:24:57.000 What do you mean, just in general?

01:24:58.000 Mrs. Rogan goes to the gym. 0.97

01:25:00.000 There's a bunch of catty cunts, a bunch of these mostly divorcees during the day. 1.00

01:25:05.000 That's the name of the gym? 1.00

01:25:05.000 The name of the gym is catty cunts? 1.00

01:25:07.000 No. 0.98

01:25:08.000 Yeah, it is.

01:25:09.000 Look it up on yellow pages. 0.93

01:25:10.000 And they fucking yell over who gets what spot, and they try to steal the right spots in the room, and they yell at each other when they throw kicks too close to each other. 0.99

01:25:18.000 I have a theory that women would be better off if they could punch each other in the face. 1.00

01:25:23.000 All that, like, snapping and cattiness would go out the window. 0.79

01:25:26.000 That's why guys aren't catties, because I know if I do it more than twice, you're going to punch me.

01:25:33.000 And there is nothing legislating women's behavior the way that there is with guys.

01:25:39.000 I've had guys on the set of TV shows that I was in charge of.

01:25:44.000 There was a sound guy named Charles who I sort of snapped at one time. 1.00

01:25:48.000 And he looked at me like, you know I will fuck you up. 0.99

01:25:51.000 And I never snapped at him again. 0.99

01:25:53.000 I just think it's a good thing to be checked.

01:25:57.000 Yeah, as long as you know it's a possibility...

01:26:01.000 That's true.

01:26:02.000 It helps regulate behavior.

01:26:04.000 I'm not saying that they ever should.

01:26:05.000 I think it's always wrong to hit a woman.

01:26:07.000 You know what regulates? 0.99

01:26:09.000 Black chicks. 0.98

01:26:10.000 Black chicks regulate. 1.00

01:26:11.000 You saw the video that I made in Milwaukee? 0.97

01:26:16.000 I did a show in Milwaukee and afterwards I just went out and took pictures with people for like an hour and a half and these black chicks guarded me. 1.00

01:26:24.000 They put their back to the crowd and stood in a semi-circle and created this system where people had to go through them this way and when you entered in, you entered in only from here and then you left only that way.

01:26:34.000 It was really funny.

01:26:35.000 They were hilarious.

01:26:36.000 So I made a video with them afterwards.

01:26:38.000 Yeah, because they will fight.

01:26:42.000 My YouTube channel is JoeRogan.net, D-O-T-N-E-T. There's a video, I don't know, it says something about Joe Rogan shows love to the Milwaukee, something.

01:26:52.000 Some stupid fucking title. 1.00

01:26:53.000 Some stupid title. 1.00

01:26:54.000 There's nothing you can do. 1.00

01:26:56.000 They have to be stupid. 1.00

01:26:57.000 Joe, did I tell you I'm going to be in Baltimore next week? 1.00

01:26:59.000 Are you going to be in Baltimore?

01:27:01.000 Come on, son!

01:27:02.000 What did you do?

01:27:04.000 The Baltimore Comedy Factory, guys.

01:27:08.000 What is the Baltimore Comedy Factory?

01:27:09.000 It's a new club, I believe.

01:27:11.000 Oh, nice.

01:27:12.000 Because for a while, they only had in Baltimore, they had the improv, and then the improv went under, and I had never heard about anything else.

01:27:20.000 I think it replaced the improv.

01:27:21.000 Really?

01:27:22.000 Yeah.

01:27:22.000 Is the improv the one that you went to like maybe nine years ago?

01:27:25.000 Yeah, we went a long time ago and there was like a whole outdoor courtyard area with a bunch of bars and stuff.

01:27:30.000 Yeah, that's exactly what it is.

01:27:31.000 Yeah, that place was dope. 0.98

01:27:32.000 Is it the same place?

01:27:33.000 Yes.

01:27:33.000 Oh, so it's where the improv used to be?

01:27:35.000 Yes.

01:27:35.000 Oh, what a great spot.

01:27:37.000 That's a great spot.

01:27:38.000 Yeah, apparently it's nice.

01:27:40.000 Okay, so what is it called again?

01:27:41.000 The Baltimore Comedy Factory.

01:27:44.000 And what days are you there?

01:27:45.000 825 through 827, which is next Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

01:27:51.000 Folks, don't miss this tremendous opportunity to see Neil Brennan in person.

01:27:57.000 I will not talk about capitalism. 1.00

01:27:58.000 I will talk about my dick. 1.00

01:28:00.000 I will talk about the ladies. 1.00

01:28:02.000 I will talk about politics, Obama. 0.99

01:28:04.000 You can argue with his socialist ass in person and expose him for all his hippie ideals. 0.97

01:28:12.000 But it just seems like people don't like it without thinking about it. 0.99

01:28:16.000 You know what I think, man?

01:28:17.000 I think you need to concentrate on yourself.

01:28:19.000 That's what I think.

01:28:19.000 I think it's a very complex system.

01:28:21.000 It's very fucked up. 0.99

01:28:21.000 There's a lot of things wrong with it. 0.99

01:28:23.000 The big question, the big key is how do you make yourself happy?

01:28:26.000 Because everybody else has to figure it out on their own as well.

01:28:28.000 And how you make yourself happy, that's, you know, everyone has their own unique answer to that question.

01:28:33.000 But How do you make all these other people happy?

01:28:35.000 Man, I'm not so sure it's socialism.

01:28:37.000 I don't think that would work at all.

01:28:38.000 I'm not so sure it's making everybody get paid the same amount of money for everything.

01:28:42.000 I don't think that would work either. 0.99

01:28:43.000 I think the reason why we have so much cool shit is because there's a goddamn race going on. 1.00

01:28:47.000 There's a competition going on. 1.00

01:28:48.000 Some people rise to the occasion.

01:28:49.000 Right, absolutely.

01:28:50.000 But I feel like we punish those that don't.

01:28:52.000 No, we have to figure out individually how to be happy.

01:28:55.000 That's what it is. 1.00

01:28:56.000 And we also have to figure out how to keep corporations from being so fucking corrupt and crooked that they're able to get away with the shit they're able to get away with. 0.99

01:29:04.000 Yeah, but nothing's going to stop because the corporations themselves are buying messages saying, don't touch us, we provide jobs, and that's all you care about, and jobs will give you more shit. 0.99

01:29:15.000 Not only that, they're paying masses of money, giant sums of money, to help politicians get into office. 0.98

01:29:21.000 Yeah, lobbyists.

01:29:23.000 Lobbyists, campaign contributions, all of the above.

01:29:26.000 I believe that is a massive key, is campaign finance reform.

01:29:30.000 It's so scary.

01:29:31.000 It's so scary that companies can just buy presidents.

01:29:34.000 They can just have us convinced that we've got to get into Pakistan. 1.00

01:29:38.000 There's a lot of shit going on. 1.00

01:29:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:29:41.000 By the way, while we're there, we just found trillions of dollars in minerals.

01:29:44.000 Oh, wow, where did these come from?

01:29:46.000 This is crazy.

01:29:47.000 Oh, we found a natural gas pipeline, the biggest source of natural gas in the world.

01:29:50.000 Wait, in Afghanistan?

01:29:51.000 Wait, we never even knew it was there, folks.

01:29:53.000 What?

01:29:53.000 I swear, we never knew it was there.

01:29:54.000 Next stop, the Congo. 0.99

01:29:55.000 There's a lot of shit going on in the Congo, and we've got to get in there. 1.00

01:29:58.000 But there's a lot of unrest. 1.00

01:29:59.000 We've got to shut it down.

01:30:00.000 We've got to shut down the unrest in the Congo.

01:30:01.000 Look, we're having to find a shitload of mines. 1.00

01:30:03.000 The Congo's too fucked up. 1.00

01:30:05.000 The Congo's so fucked up, even the United States government is like, you know what? 1.00

01:30:09.000 I know you guys are making billions over there, but you can have that crazy shit at Jurassic Park. 1.00

01:30:15.000 Is China going to war in the Congo? 1.00

01:30:17.000 China's got a lot of... 0.72

01:30:19.000 In fact, at one point, I looked at my financial investments, and I was invested in a company called PetroChina.

01:30:26.000 And I was like, what is that?

01:30:28.000 And they...

01:30:31.000 At one point I was invested in PetroChina and Lockheed Martin, and I was like, this is gross.

01:30:40.000 PetroChina is a Chinese gas company, but they get it all from Africa.

01:30:44.000 They get it all from either the Congo or Nigeria. 0.97

01:30:51.000 Gas, you mean petrol?

01:30:52.000 Yeah.

01:30:53.000 Wow.

01:30:53.000 So they're pumping it out of Africa.

01:30:56.000 Yeah.

01:30:56.000 And they're buying, you know, it's like they pay both sides.

01:31:00.000 They bought the government there.

01:31:03.000 It's, yeah, it's crazy. 1.00

01:31:05.000 Goddamn! 0.99

01:31:06.000 Yeah, it's crazy. 0.99

01:31:07.000 And that's the thing.

01:31:08.000 No one's going to do anything because it's way easier to sit on your computer.

01:31:13.000 I have a theory that crime went down when cable increased.

01:31:17.000 I believe that they are directly correlated.

01:31:19.000 I can't prove it in any way.

01:31:21.000 Giving people something to watch on TV makes less crime. 1.00

01:31:24.000 Yeah, just people have shit in them. 0.99

01:31:26.000 They go, I want to get involved. 1.00

01:31:29.000 If you can get laid by inviting a girl over and all that shit and having shit to do with her, I feel like you will get a regular job. 0.99

01:31:41.000 If I just can afford Verizon, Time Warner, and whatever else I've got to get, then I'm straight. 1.00

01:31:47.000 If I can get pussy, then I have that budget. 1.00

01:31:51.000 That's my budget. 1.00

01:31:52.000 There's also the thing, did you see, did you read, what the fuck was that New York Times book? 0.97

01:31:58.000 It was where they said the reason crime went down is because, crime started going down in 91 and abortion was made legal in 73. Basically saying all the guys that would have been 18 and criminals were aborted. 0.98

01:32:20.000 Yeah, which is insane.

01:32:23.000 And it's in that book, Freakonomics.

01:32:26.000 That's interesting.

01:32:26.000 It's in the first edition of Freakonomics, and you just go...

01:32:28.000 How cool is that?

01:32:29.000 And they did it.

01:32:30.000 You know what's crazy?

01:32:31.000 They did it by state.

01:32:33.000 Because certain states legalized it sooner, and those states' crimes started dropping sooner.

01:32:38.000 Wow.

01:32:39.000 Yeah.

01:32:39.000 To the month.

01:32:41.000 Holy shit. 0.99

01:32:42.000 Which is like one of those things where you go, wow, that's fucking awesome if that's true. 1.00

01:32:47.000 Right. 0.90

01:32:48.000 It's awesome.

01:32:49.000 I mean, and people go, that's human engineering or whatever.

01:32:53.000 Social engineering.

01:32:54.000 Yeah, social engineering.

01:32:55.000 But it's like...

01:32:56.000 If you don't want a baby, go ahead and I'm going to take your word for it.

01:33:02.000 If you're going to say I'm going to be a bad parent, I'm going to go ahead and take your word for it.

01:33:05.000 The real problem with abortion becomes when do you say it's not legal?

01:33:09.000 At what point?

01:33:11.000 When it's a baby inside, is it still legal? 0.65

01:33:14.000 No, no, no.

01:33:14.000 Not when it's a baby.

01:33:15.000 When you can see it, it's a baby and it can exist outside the womb.

01:33:18.000 Okay, what a month before that?

01:33:19.000 Is it a baby then?

01:33:20.000 What about a month before that?

01:33:21.000 Is it a baby then?

01:33:21.000 It looks like a baby.

01:33:22.000 It looks like a little immature baby. 1.00

01:33:24.000 When can you kill that? 1.00

01:33:25.000 Right. 1.00

01:33:25.000 You know, that gets crazy. 1.00

01:33:27.000 Well, yeah, that's one of those arguments.

01:33:29.000 It's like, well, once you start having it, there's no good.

01:33:31.000 You can't tell me, like, it's just a protozoa.

01:33:34.000 It's like, once the sperm hits the egg, it's as much a baby as...

01:33:39.000 I guess, but I don't connect to it when it's a bunch of cells.

01:33:41.000 No, of course not, but again...

01:33:42.000 When I see it's a few cells and you stomp it out, it doesn't seem to me...

01:33:45.000 There are people that do believe that you can connect to it.

01:33:48.000 Yes, I've heard that.

01:33:49.000 The sperm and the egg, and just the thing splitting and splitting and splitting.

01:33:53.000 Like, you go, that's a person.

01:33:56.000 Some folks believe it's like the 48th day. 0.98

01:33:57.000 You can say that about your sperm.

01:33:59.000 No, well, that's the thing. 0.99

01:34:00.000 You can keep going back. 0.99

01:34:02.000 You can keep going back to any time you jerk off, it's abortion. 0.98

01:34:07.000 Yeah, I think the whole abortion race thing... 1.00

01:34:09.000 That's why I call my bathroom the abortion clinic. 1.00

01:34:12.000 Because I go in there, I jerk up.

01:34:14.000 Joe's typing, but he would have given me a big laugh on that.

01:34:17.000 I believe.

01:34:19.000 No?

01:34:19.000 Abortion clinic?

01:34:20.000 Nothing?

01:34:20.000 You don't like abortion jokes?

01:34:22.000 What are you going to say?

01:34:22.000 I don't know what I was going to say.

01:34:24.000 I wish there was a camera that you can check to see if it's retarded. 1.00

01:34:28.000 Does it have a face?

01:34:31.000 They do tests.

01:34:33.000 So it's not 100% now?

01:34:36.000 You'll know it's retarded? 1.00

01:34:38.000 They put it euphemistically, but it is basically your child's going to be brain damaged, disabled, whatever, and a lot of people get abortions because of it.

01:34:51.000 Yeah.

01:34:52.000 The soul is supposed to enter the body on the 120th day of pregnancy.

01:34:56.000 That's what the yogis believe.

01:34:58.000 That's hilarious.

01:34:58.000 That's when the pineal gland comes to life.

01:35:00.000 Exactly the 120th day, not the 119th.

01:35:03.000 So you can get rid of the baby before that and it's just a freebie.

01:35:07.000 I like how it enters.

01:35:09.000 The soul enters.

01:35:10.000 What happens to the soul?

01:35:11.000 I feel like it's got like a bus ticket and it goes and it's on its way to the baby's house.

01:35:15.000 Yeah, it's late.

01:35:16.000 I was picturing like a W. It's there.

01:35:17.000 It's got a suitcase.

01:35:18.000 Hello, I'm here. 1.00

01:35:20.000 Where's the fucking baby? 1.00

01:35:22.000 Yeah, where's the soul go? 1.00

01:35:24.000 Does it just go out and fart?

01:35:25.000 I don't know.

01:35:25.000 Does it just go in the air?

01:35:26.000 It goes away.

01:35:27.000 It goes back to the river of souls.

01:35:30.000 Hopefully.

01:35:31.000 Yeah, no, but that's the...

01:35:33.000 Yeah, it's like either you're for or against, but all the stuff of like...

01:35:36.000 No, I don't necessarily think either you're for or against it.

01:35:38.000 I think there's a rational argument that could be said that after a certain amount of time, he shouldn't be able to do it.

01:35:44.000 You know, these late-term... 1.00

01:35:45.000 I mean, fuck, and when it's got fingers, man. 1.00

01:35:48.000 When it's got a head and with eyeballs. 1.00

01:35:50.000 Did you see that documentary, Lake of Fire?

01:35:52.000 It's one of the best documentaries I've ever seen. 0.84

01:35:53.000 This guy, Tony Kaye, directed it, who directed American History X, and is a bit of a lunatic.

01:35:58.000 But he made a, like, two and a half hour documentary about abortion that took place, he shot it over, like, ten years.

01:36:05.000 And he focused on both sides. 0.99

01:36:08.000 And what you come away with is, it's fucking brutal. 0.96

01:36:12.000 Whether you're for it or against it, you know, when they do an abortion and they have to find all of the parts, they put it on like a medical thing, and the nurse has to find two legs, two arms, a head, like just where you just go, that is so awful, I can't believe it. 0.92

01:36:31.000 But it's such a, watch the documentary, hopefully it's on Netflix.

01:36:34.000 What's it called again?

01:36:34.000 Lake of Fire.

01:36:35.000 And why do they call it Lake of Fire?

01:36:37.000 It's based on the song and the biblical thing that people, some biblical phrase.

01:36:47.000 Yeah, look, it's a funny subject because when you bring it up, the ultra-liberal amongst us will never let you say that it might be bad.

01:36:57.000 No, well, that's the thing.

01:36:58.000 I am liberal, but it's one of those things where I just go, wow, I'm for it, but I'm not, like, for it. 0.90

01:37:06.000 I believe it should be allowed, but I'm not, like, I'm not on some, like, you fucking, you know, you stand up has the best joke about it, where people are for it in case of incest or rape. 1.00

01:37:18.000 And he's like, so you're for it if the dad is an asshole. 1.00

01:37:23.000 That's what he's saying. 1.00

01:37:24.000 If the dad's an asshole, then you're for it. 1.00

01:37:26.000 But if the dad's a nice guy, then you're for it. 1.00

01:37:29.000 Because it's just as much a life if the guy raped or incested. 1.00

01:37:33.000 The baby shouldn't be responsible for its dad being an asshole. 1.00

01:37:36.000 Yeah, for the dad being a dick. 1.00

01:37:37.000 That is an interesting way of looking at it. 0.99

01:37:40.000 You allow it under some circumstances where a man can't be forced to make a woman carry the life. 0.97

01:37:46.000 Right.

01:37:47.000 Yeah, that's a weird thing. 0.99

01:37:49.000 That's like some tribal shit. 0.99

01:37:50.000 That's not very spiritual. 1.00

01:37:52.000 Thinking that that's okay to kill people then. 0.96

01:37:54.000 Yeah, like, sorry baby. 0.99

01:37:57.000 Yeah, sorry baby.

01:37:57.000 I know you're just a baby, but...

01:37:59.000 Or if you believe it's a...

01:38:00.000 Sorry fetus. 0.99

01:38:01.000 We'll go fetus. 0.91

01:38:02.000 But yeah, that's the thing.

01:38:03.000 Having watched that documentary, I'm still for it, but it's a bit...

01:38:09.000 My point of view is way more shaded and nuanced.

01:38:16.000 I don't think I have a right to tell you what you can do with your body, but I think it should be discussed when it gets crazy.

01:38:22.000 I have a buddy who was dating a girl and she had a late-term abortion where she had to go to some illegal place and do it. 0.98

01:38:31.000 I don't know why they chose to, but she was fucking pregnant and they killed that baby. 0.99

01:38:36.000 That freaked me out, man. 0.99

01:38:38.000 What did your buddy think?

01:38:40.000 I don't remember, because, you know, I haven't talked to him in forever, and I don't...

01:38:44.000 I tried not to really question it then.

01:38:47.000 If it was happening now, there's no way I would not be able to.

01:38:50.000 But, you know, back then I was 23 years old, and I was just, like, freaked out. 0.99

01:38:54.000 The fact that this lady was fucking pregnant, and they're going to suck that baby out of her in some illegal place. 1.00

01:39:00.000 That shit, no matter what, that's evil. 1.00

01:39:05.000 You don't want to accept reality at that point is what's going on. 1.00

01:39:09.000 You've decided to try to change reality.

01:39:11.000 Is there an out?

01:39:12.000 Is there a possible out?

01:39:13.000 That's one of those blind spots, though, that we live with all the time. 1.00

01:39:17.000 But yeah, there's tons of things we do that are just like, that's pretty fucked up that you just walk past homeless people, you walk past poor people, and you just go, eh, fuck it. 0.99

01:39:27.000 The numbers are too great. 0.99

01:39:28.000 If there was only a few of us, we wouldn't do that.

01:39:31.000 I've always said that people should be in tribes of like 500 monkey people. 1.00

01:39:36.000 That's what we're supposed to be.

01:39:37.000 500 tribes of a few hundred people where we all know each other very well.

01:39:41.000 That's normal.

01:39:42.000 And I believe that women would stay in, raise the babies. 1.00

01:39:45.000 I honestly believe that, like the way gorillas do it. 0.97

01:39:47.000 It's like all the women gorillas stay, they watch the babies, and the guys just do the perimeter, stay in the perimeter, and fight, and hunt, and protect. 1.00

01:39:57.000 That's what it's always been, man.

01:39:59.000 It's always been like that.

01:40:00.000 It's just we have the same genetics, but now we're in these giant groups of 300 million people all pushed together onto this one continent.

01:40:07.000 And we're confused.

01:40:08.000 We're confused as to how to behave. 1.00

01:40:10.000 We have all these weird instincts to fuck everything and kill your enemies and everything, but you're not allowed to. 1.00

01:40:15.000 Yeah, but you can't. 1.00

01:40:16.000 That's what I've been doing a joke about.

01:40:20.000 Now we have to be romantic to get women, but all we had to do before was just chase them down and subdue them. 1.00

01:40:27.000 There's a reason why men are stronger than women. 1.00

01:40:28.000 No, I know.

01:40:29.000 That was it.

01:40:31.000 That was a date.

01:40:32.000 It was just a chase.

01:40:34.000 That's why chase scenes work in movies. 1.00

01:40:36.000 Well, that's why dirty girls like to get fucking choked. 1.00

01:40:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:40:40.000 Dude, I gotta be honest.

01:40:41.000 I don't know if we talked about this last time. 0.93

01:40:43.000 It's not just dirty girls anymore. 0.94

01:40:46.000 It's not. 1.00

01:40:47.000 You haven't been out and out-out since the real internet, since you porn and all that shit. 1.00

01:40:52.000 All the girls want to get choked. 1.00

01:40:53.000 I don't know if all of them do, but a lot of girls want to get... 1.00

01:40:57.000 Trust me.

01:41:00.000 Really?

01:41:00.000 I don't know what your experience has been, but maybe it's my credits or something, but it doesn't take long.

01:41:09.000 For them to bring it up.

01:41:10.000 And I don't...

01:41:11.000 I've never...

01:41:11.000 I wasn't doing it.

01:41:12.000 And then I slowly but surely... 0.88

01:41:15.000 When you're saying choke, you mean grab them physically by the neck and choke them.

01:41:19.000 I'm talking about in flabrante delicto.

01:41:21.000 But it's not real choke.

01:41:23.000 Unless you're doing real choke.

01:41:24.000 Like, I do choke, but it's more like I'm just...

01:41:27.000 Just like, hey, I'm choking.

01:41:30.000 Hey, you make a face.

01:41:31.000 You go, hey, I'm choking. 1.00

01:41:32.000 No, girls slap, choke, fucking... 1.00

01:41:36.000 I've had slap recently. 1.00

01:41:36.000 It's some gonzo shit. 1.00

01:41:37.000 It's all gonzo now. 1.00

01:41:39.000 It's all gonzo at the beginning.

01:41:40.000 It might be your crowd, though, dude.

01:41:42.000 You might be attracting a very particular crowd. 0.99

01:41:43.000 No, dude, my crowd is like literate and fucking... 0.99

01:41:46.000 They like hip-hop. 0.99

01:41:47.000 I don't know who my crowd is, but...

01:41:49.000 You tried to imagine a crowd.

01:41:51.000 It would be the perfect crowd.

01:41:52.000 They're really cool with black people, but most of them are white. 1.00

01:41:55.000 You know what's funny is you ever look at your crowd and go like, wow, really?

01:41:59.000 It's people that if you walk by them on the street, you wouldn't think, I bet that person would like me.

01:42:05.000 Really?

01:42:06.000 Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

01:42:08.000 I assume that no one likes me, so when people are there, and eventually I'm going to be right, and when people are at the show, I just go, if I saw them in public, I wouldn't think, oh, that guy's coming to the Neil Brennan show.

01:42:20.000 How many shows have you performed now?

01:42:24.000 How many months have you been doing this tour?

01:42:26.000 Like, the hour?

01:42:27.000 I just did it.

01:42:28.000 I did it for a couple weeks, and now I'm back, and now I'm doing club dates fairly regularly.

01:42:34.000 So are you enjoying this?

01:42:35.000 What is this like?

01:42:36.000 I love it.

01:42:36.000 That's what I was saying.

01:42:37.000 I just like the idea of...

01:42:40.000 You know what's funny?

01:42:43.000 I would assume that I'm way behind you in terms of development, stand-up-wise, where your feeling about the audience changes.

01:42:52.000 The more you do stand-up, I feel like the first thing you have to do is just overcome nerves, which takes, it took me years.

01:42:59.000 I mean, I think it takes everyone years.

01:43:00.000 It just raps, raps, raps, raps, raps.

01:43:02.000 Just get on stage.

01:43:03.000 As Kevin once, my brother, once said, you know you're doing a lot of stand-up when you're comfortable on stage and uncomfortable at the grocery store? 0.99

01:43:12.000 Which is fucking true. 0.60

01:43:14.000 The thing about The Road is you do so much stand-up that when you're not doing it, you're a little bit like, oh, what am I? Oh, yeah, no, I should be doing stand-up. 0.98

01:43:23.000 So I finally got not nervous.

01:43:27.000 And from that...

01:43:30.000 I'm no longer defensive against the audience.

01:43:33.000 I no longer see the audience as this thing I'm keeping at bay.

01:43:37.000 You know what I mean?

01:43:38.000 I no longer see it as a lion that I've got a whip and a chair and I'm keeping them back.

01:43:43.000 Now I see it more like I'm immersed like Diane Fossey.

01:43:51.000 I'm in the middle of the crowd and I feel like they won't overwhelm me.

01:43:56.000 That feeling that you need to overwhelm them and control them and whip them is basically the same feeling that unattractive men have towards women when they're unsuccessful.

01:44:06.000 You know that anger that men have towards women?

01:44:08.000 A lot of comedians have that anger towards the audience.

01:44:11.000 Just because of the constant rejection. 1.00

01:44:13.000 So you're almost like, fuck these fucking people, fuck these fucking people. 1.00

01:44:16.000 And the audience can smell it on you. 1.00

01:44:18.000 Yeah.

01:44:19.000 Immediately.

01:44:19.000 Of course.

01:44:20.000 And so can women. 1.00

01:44:21.000 When a guy comes, can I buy a drink? 1.00

01:44:22.000 No, fucking lesbian. 1.00

01:44:23.000 That kind of shit. 1.00

01:44:24.000 Tony Montana. 1.00

01:44:25.000 When a guy's just ready to snap over to the other side, it's always the same thing.

01:44:29.000 And that's the difference.

01:44:31.000 Some girl said, you're so smooth or something.

01:44:35.000 It's just nice talking to a guy who knows how to talk to a girl.

01:44:39.000 Yeah, because you have to stop looking at it as a buyer, as a seller, and you have to look at it as a buyer.

01:44:45.000 That's how you look at it?

01:44:47.000 I've stopped being like...

01:44:50.000 I'm like, what do you think, babe?

01:44:53.000 Is that what you used to do?

01:44:55.000 Yeah, a lot of dancing.

01:44:56.000 I like your eyes.

01:44:58.000 Yeah, a lot of guys.

01:44:59.000 Dot, dot, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee.

01:45:03.000 And now it's more like, what do you... 1.00

01:45:06.000 It's the Chris Rock thing of 90% of girls want to fuck 10% of the guys. 1.00

01:45:10.000 Once you get into that 10%, you are officially a buyer. 0.98

01:45:13.000 So you feel like you're in 10% right now?

01:45:15.000 You're in the top 10%?

01:45:16.000 Yep.

01:45:16.000 What leapt you into that top 10?

01:45:18.000 Chappelle's show.

01:45:19.000 Next question.

01:45:21.000 Chappelle Show and also just age.

01:45:23.000 The fact that you have a credit that you can toss around.

01:45:26.000 A credit and an age and experience.

01:45:29.000 How soon amongst meeting a hot girl, how soon do you pull out the I was the co-creator of Chappelle Show?

01:45:34.000 It just depends.

01:45:36.000 Anywhere between 10 seconds and 40 seconds.

01:45:39.000 I'm kidding.

01:45:39.000 Really?

01:45:40.000 So if, say, you're at a bar with someone, so Neil, what do you do?

01:45:44.000 Well, what I do, when I was directing the Piven movie, I would go, you're going to think I'm a douchebag, but I'm a movie director.

01:45:57.000 And they go like, what?

01:45:58.000 And then you just go, yeah, I'm a director.

01:46:00.000 Like, it is one of those weird-ass jobs where it's like, so...

01:46:03.000 So you, by saying it, it just sounds so cliche?

01:46:06.000 Yeah.

01:46:07.000 In L.A., especially if you're like, what do I do?

01:46:09.000 I'm a director.

01:46:10.000 But when you're actually working, when you actually have a job.

01:46:13.000 So I don't, but...

01:46:14.000 So right now?

01:46:15.000 Right now, I just say I'm a comedian, I'm in comedy.

01:46:20.000 And you just leave it at that.

01:46:21.000 Yeah.

01:46:22.000 But you've got this ace in your sleeve that you want to pull out.

01:46:25.000 You want to pull out that Chappelle shirt.

01:46:26.000 You don't want to throw it too soon, baby.

01:46:27.000 That's what I'm asking.

01:46:28.000 How long do you wait?

01:46:29.000 It really all depends.

01:46:31.000 So if it's going well, you don't even pull it out for a while.

01:46:33.000 If it's going well, yeah, no, I sit on it.

01:46:35.000 Yeah.

01:46:36.000 Sit on it.

01:46:37.000 I get it the old-fashioned way.

01:46:38.000 I get it bareback.

01:46:39.000 I get it with my own hands.

01:46:41.000 I don't get it with credits.

01:46:42.000 You get it just by being a comedian. 0.99

01:46:43.000 But if she gets a little slippery, she might think you're a loser. 0.98

01:46:46.000 Yeah, then I go, hey, you know, it's funny. 0.97

01:46:47.000 A buddy of mine...

01:46:48.000 Oh, you don't do it that way, do you?

01:46:51.000 I would drop it casually at the Olive Garden or something.

01:46:53.000 Well, no, you can't say, I created a chapelle show.

01:46:55.000 You have to do it that way.

01:46:56.000 What is it if you mention the Olive Garden in every episode?

01:46:57.000 Why do you do that?

01:46:58.000 Because it's the most generic restaurant I can think of.

01:47:00.000 But you always mention it.

01:47:00.000 I'll start saying Chili's.

01:47:01.000 You can't just say, you have to say a buddy of mine.

01:47:05.000 You can't say, like, you know, when I was directing, you can't, like, name it.

01:47:11.000 You have to go, oh, a buddy of mine, I worked on a show, da-da-da-da.

01:47:15.000 And they go, what?

01:47:15.000 Yeah.

01:47:15.000 And you go, chapelle show?

01:47:17.000 My favorite is when I go to open mics that people don't know me and they go, wait, what do you want me to say?

01:47:22.000 And I go, uh, particularly it used to happen a lot.

01:47:25.000 I go, I co-created Chappelle Show and they go, what?

01:47:28.000 And I go, yeah, co-created Chappelle Show.

01:47:31.000 They go, okay.

01:47:32.000 And then they would go, because they, it's like a, I used to call it the atomic credit, because it is one of those things like, whoa!

01:47:40.000 Put that thing away. 0.99

01:47:41.000 How about a fucking... 1.00

01:47:42.000 You were on Fallon or something. 0.98

01:47:44.000 Did you feel like that was a lot of responsibility to live up to when you first started doing stand-up?

01:47:48.000 Well, yeah.

01:47:49.000 That's what...

01:47:49.000 Because my brother Kevin was slamming me saying that you're getting opportunities you don't deserve and all that stuff.

01:47:56.000 What?

01:47:56.000 He said that to you?

01:47:57.000 Oh, yeah.

01:47:58.000 I'm not a real comedian, etc.

01:47:59.000 Whoa.

01:47:59.000 Your own brother said that to you?

01:48:01.000 What the fuck is that about? 1.00

01:48:03.000 It's about growing up one of ten and elbowing each other in competition. 1.00

01:48:07.000 Wow, one of ten.

01:48:08.000 Why do you think I'm focused on competition?

01:48:09.000 I got brothers that don't talk to me.

01:48:11.000 You know, it's like...

01:48:12.000 Wow.

01:48:12.000 And I blame capitalism.

01:48:15.000 Yeah, you do.

01:48:16.000 In a way.

01:48:17.000 You blame competition.

01:48:18.000 It's amazing that you have all these hippie ideals.

01:48:21.000 Our dad competed with us.

01:48:23.000 And then we all competed with each other.

01:48:24.000 Six guys.

01:48:26.000 I have five brothers.

01:48:30.000 Bombing as the creator of Chappelle's show was worse than bombing as an anonymous guy.

01:48:34.000 I've got to think.

01:48:36.000 There was pressure on you.

01:48:37.000 That's what I'm asking.

01:48:38.000 There was absolutely pressure.

01:48:39.000 I wasn't conscious of it.

01:48:42.000 But looking back, it was definitely pressure. 0.94

01:48:46.000 But that's what's nice to be in a place where it's just more like, the audience is like, they just have, it's like the Robin landing on your shoulder and fucking, now I'm the chimney sweep from Mary Poppins. 0.98

01:49:00.000 That's who you are? 0.96

01:49:00.000 That's who I am, to the audience. 0.96

01:49:02.000 So you've started doing your own podcast.

01:49:06.000 Have you noticed immediately an impact?

01:49:08.000 Like the podcast fans are coming to your shows?

01:49:10.000 Not immediately, because we've only done two.

01:49:12.000 Our third one will go up now, I think, called The Champs.

01:49:19.000 Yeah, it hasn't happened yet, but I believe it will.

01:49:23.000 Look, if 10,000 people listen to it, then that's 10,000 people that either sort of knew me or didn't know me or knew me and will now feel more connected.

01:49:35.000 Because I think that's the new paradigm, is just feeding people.

01:49:40.000 Just constant feeding.

01:49:41.000 Like, here you go, baby.

01:49:42.000 Are you still hungry, baby?

01:49:44.000 Baby's the audience in this metaphor.

01:49:46.000 And particularly, you give them free stuff, and then eventually you go, hey, just so you know, I've got to charge every once in a while.

01:49:52.000 So either listen to this ad, or...

01:49:55.000 It's like the Lil Wayne paradigm.

01:49:56.000 Lil Wayne put out four records, just mixtapes.

01:50:00.000 And they're really good songs.

01:50:03.000 And he just released them on the internet.

01:50:05.000 And then when he came up with his record, The Carter, people bought it.

01:50:10.000 He's like the last guy to sell a million records in a week.

01:50:12.000 Because I think people were like...

01:50:14.000 I don't think if people explicitly knew that that's what they were doing, but I believe that people were like, you know what?

01:50:21.000 I've gotten so many of these guys' songs for free.

01:50:24.000 Let me pay for a couple of them.

01:50:26.000 I mean, I don't know.

01:50:27.000 I mean, I definitely felt like that was my point of view on it.

01:50:29.000 And I think that that's the new with this democratization is like, yeah, it's free.

01:50:34.000 Like it is, you know, the startup costs for this aren't massive, but they're something.

01:50:39.000 And then you give it to people and you're exchanging ideas and human energy for their time.

01:50:47.000 And then hopefully they develop a connection with you.

01:50:49.000 You know what I noticed?

01:50:50.000 That's a very sterile way of looking at it.

01:50:52.000 But it's not, but it's a human, here's what I've noticed.

01:50:55.000 I've noticed when I was on your podcast, a lot of people came and were like, hey man, I heard you on podcast, I didn't know who you were, I didn't know what you were about.

01:51:03.000 And because of this, so yes, to answer your question, people have come out, but not because of my podcast, because of your podcast.

01:51:11.000 I think what you're saying makes a lot of sense, but it makes it seem like you're analyzing it like the stock market.

01:51:17.000 I'm going to engineer a connection.

01:51:19.000 I'm only analyzing it in retrospect because I do Twitter because I've always liked talking in little aphorisms like that.

01:51:28.000 And then I was like, oh!

01:51:29.000 Then I realized, oh, I get what this is.

01:51:32.000 I get this model.

01:51:33.000 And I've only gotten really since doing your podcast is like where you said you've never had a connection like this with the audience.

01:51:40.000 It's a connection, and to get rid of a gatekeeper, to get rid of a studio, to get rid of a television network, is excellent.

01:51:47.000 Yeah, it's amazing.

01:51:48.000 To be able to do something like this.

01:51:50.000 Look, this podcast has changed everything as far as me doing comedy clubs.

01:51:55.000 Now I do very little publicity outside of just talking about it on the comedy club, or just talking about it rather on the podcast.

01:52:03.000 Everything has changed.

01:52:04.000 The numbers of people that come out to see me has changed.

01:52:06.000 The ease of doing it.

01:52:07.000 I no longer have to fly in a day early and do morning radio.

01:52:11.000 It's way easier now.

01:52:13.000 And that's just from basically...

01:52:17.000 You give them something for free.

01:52:18.000 You're friends with these people.

01:52:20.000 You don't even know them and you're friends with them.

01:52:21.000 And they start thinking like you guys think and going over the ideas that get discussed on the podcast and talk about them amongst their friends.

01:52:28.000 And all these good ideas blossom and grow.

01:52:30.000 Yeah, that's the thing of like, you do give it for free, but it's about the connection.

01:52:38.000 Like I said, I like talking.

01:52:40.000 I like people.

01:52:41.000 I think I've got interesting, well thought out ideas that I can construct in a relatively funny way.

01:52:46.000 So it's like, yeah, I think people could benefit from hearing me speak.

01:52:52.000 Well, people will enjoy it, for sure.

01:52:54.000 Yeah, definitely.

01:52:55.000 Like I said, people really enjoyed when I was here last time.

01:52:58.000 You need some marijuana in your life, kid.

01:52:59.000 Yeah.

01:53:00.000 A little bit, right?

01:53:01.000 Brian, definitely.

01:53:03.000 The thing about you being really tired and stuff, I have that, too, where I'm just zero energy.

01:53:11.000 I'm super tired.

01:53:12.000 Most of the time, I'm either depressed or just sad.

01:53:15.000 Right.

01:53:16.000 Jesus.

01:53:17.000 But lately, I've been having a good time in my personal life.

01:53:21.000 That all magically just disappeared.

01:53:23.000 It went away.

01:53:23.000 I've never done any kind of Zoloft.

01:53:25.000 I've never done any kind of prescription medicine, but I've always been the type of person that needs it.

01:53:29.000 But if there's anything that I would say would help me get through everything, marijuana definitely has just helped me tremendously.

01:53:35.000 Marijuana has a built-in self-promotion mechanism.

01:53:38.000 There is not a drug in the world that when you do it, that you talk about more.

01:53:43.000 There's not a drug in the world that's more beneficial on a daily basis.

01:53:46.000 A lot of people have Tylenol, and they talk about Tylenol.

01:53:49.000 It's like a mild psychedelic.

01:53:50.000 It's like a psychedelic that you can use all the time.

01:53:52.000 You can't do mushrooms every day. 0.98

01:53:53.000 I mean, you can, but you're going to fucking lose your connection to humanity. 0.99

01:53:57.000 You can smoke pot every day, and it just makes you more empathetic. 0.99

01:54:00.000 It makes you more real.

01:54:02.000 It makes you connect to your real emotions better, the way you interact with people.

01:54:07.000 It takes away headaches.

01:54:09.000 If I'm feeling tired, I just keep it.

01:54:11.000 I'd like to be as sharp as possible.

01:54:13.000 I like my brain to function well. 0.94

01:54:14.000 It doesn't fuck with your function. 0.75

01:54:16.000 The brain helps. 0.83

01:54:16.000 It has in the past, though. 0.83

01:54:17.000 You're getting the wrong weed, son.

01:54:18.000 There's two different kinds of weed.

01:54:20.000 You're smoking rap weed.

01:54:21.000 I know you have chocolate fever, so you're getting all that rap weed.

01:54:23.000 You're smoking the I go into a coma, OG. Just gonna sit here and chill, weed.

01:54:27.000 Look, I would, uh...

01:54:30.000 You got scared.

01:54:31.000 We tried to offer it to you before the show.

01:54:32.000 I got so scared.

01:54:33.000 You got nervous.

01:54:34.000 I ruined my pants.

01:54:35.000 I can see it, man.

01:54:37.000 When you mock it, it's like when a fighter gets hit and they shake their head like that was nothing.

01:54:41.000 Usually it was something.

01:54:42.000 Usually it was something.

01:54:44.000 He got rocked.

01:54:45.000 How about when someone gets accused of something they didn't do and they go, I plead not guilty.

01:54:49.000 You did it.

01:54:50.000 You got rocked.

01:54:50.000 Plead not guilty.

01:54:52.000 Yeah, don't be pleading not guilty.

01:54:53.000 Don't be doing not around here.

01:54:55.000 I'm not saying marijuana is for everybody, but it is for you.

01:54:57.000 It'll help you tremendously.

01:54:59.000 It'll help your creative process, too.

01:55:00.000 Look, I'll try.

01:55:00.000 If you can get me some vaporizers or something.

01:55:04.000 Yeah, that could be different.

01:55:05.000 Because I can't be smoking because then I'll start smoking cigarettes.

01:55:08.000 Really?

01:55:08.000 You think so?

01:55:09.000 I smoked for 10 years.

01:55:10.000 How long has it been?

01:55:11.000 It's been, I quit 13 years ago.

01:55:14.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:55:14.000 The dirty, dirty, stinky fucking disease. 1.00

01:55:16.000 Still worried about it. 1.00

01:55:17.000 Isn't it weird he's still worried about it? 1.00

01:55:19.000 Oh yeah, I have dreams where I smoke and I wake up like, in my dream I'm like, the fuck are you doing smoking, man? 1.00

01:55:24.000 Oh. 0.99

01:55:25.000 And then I wake up and I'm like, thank God.

01:55:27.000 I had a friend the other day at work.

01:55:30.000 Some bad news happened.

01:55:31.000 And all of a sudden he goes, I haven't smoked a cigarette in six years.

01:55:33.000 And he lights up a cigarette. 1.00

01:55:34.000 I go, put that fucking thing down. 1.00

01:55:36.000 I go, throw that thing on the ground and step on it, man. 1.00

01:55:38.000 He goes, yeah. 1.00

01:55:39.000 I go, yeah, fuck that. 1.00

01:55:41.000 You're going to give in right now for this? 1.00

01:55:44.000 Don't do it.

01:55:45.000 So he stomped on it.

01:55:45.000 And then he was like, thank you very much.

01:55:47.000 I would have fucking started smoking again. 0.99

01:55:48.000 And three hours later, he did. 0.99

01:55:50.000 Yeah, if I smoke one, I'll smoke 10,000.

01:55:52.000 What is that, man?

01:55:53.000 It's amazing!

01:55:54.000 It's the most addictive product on the market.

01:55:57.000 Stop talking about it.

01:55:58.000 Stop talking about it. 0.98

01:55:59.000 Apparently, though, I know a dude who did heroin who says that you can go fuck yourself, and everybody that says that it's tough to quit cigarettes, he goes, heroin is way harder to quit than cigarettes. 0.98

01:56:07.000 And people always say, quitting cigarettes is harder than quitting heroin. 0.98

01:56:10.000 Absolutely untrue, he said.

01:56:12.000 Statistically, it is harder.

01:56:14.000 But I believe from person to person, I'm sure it's...

01:56:18.000 I didn't find quitting that hard.

01:56:21.000 I just decided.

01:56:22.000 But it still scratches at your door.

01:56:24.000 Yeah, but I still worry about just getting into just doing it again.

01:56:29.000 Is there any greater evidence that politicians are bought and paid for than tobacco?

01:56:35.000 Oh, no.

01:56:36.000 Well, that's what I mean.

01:56:37.000 It's like the fact that they knew it was unhealthy in the 50s and 60s, and it took 40 more years.

01:56:42.000 How about my doctor recommends Chesterfields?

01:56:44.000 Yeah, absolutely.

01:56:46.000 It took them 40 years to get it finally to the point where it's like, all right, you can sell them, but we're going to tax them at such a high rate.

01:56:53.000 We're going to tax them at a cartoonishly high rate.

01:56:56.000 It's amazing, too, that some people have actually sued for, like, damage.

01:57:00.000 You know, they've sued the tobacco companies and won, you know?

01:57:03.000 There's been some big handouts, man.

01:57:05.000 Some people have to figure out, like, who gets paid, who doesn't?

01:57:08.000 How many suits can they allow? 0.65

01:57:10.000 How many lawsuits really can be processed against tobacco companies? 0.99

01:57:14.000 There's a fucking half a million people every year dying. 0.97

01:57:16.000 Five million worldwide died prematurely, directly as a result of cigarettes. 0.98

01:57:22.000 But you know, I'm less interested in that and more interested in obesity.

01:57:26.000 In terms of the next, in terms of draining society.

01:57:30.000 Because that's where you go, hey, you can't legislate people's diets.

01:57:35.000 It's like, okay, but it's basically seatbelt laws.

01:57:40.000 If...

01:57:42.000 If you're going to eat yourself into obesity and then you're going to drain the healthcare system, you're going to drive up the cost of my healthcare, the cost of the government.

01:57:51.000 I mean, that was a lot of the stuff with the tobacco industry.

01:57:54.000 They had to pay states because states were fucking paying so much money to treat people with lung cancer that you kind of go, okay, well then what? 0.90

01:58:02.000 That's got to be next. 0.98

01:58:03.000 That's got to be, you've got to outlaw or tax Coca-Cola or tax Frito-Lay in a cartoonish way.

01:58:11.000 But why is that?

01:58:11.000 Because it's only people that abuse it.

01:58:13.000 I would say that's way more ridiculous than taxing tobacco. 0.59

01:58:15.000 Because, look, the other day I was in a supermarket, and for a goof, I picked up a box of Lucky Charms. 0.92

01:58:21.000 And I took them home, and I had a bowl of Lucky Charms.

01:58:23.000 Yeah, it was yummy.

01:58:24.000 But you know what?

01:58:25.000 I eat healthy.

01:58:26.000 But I... I reserve my own personal right to eat something shitty every now and then.

01:58:32.000 It doesn't mean that shitty food should be illegal because you're too stupid. 1.00

01:58:36.000 Incorrect. 1.00

01:58:37.000 Because the physical addiction of cigarettes is far more pulling than the addiction to sugar.

01:58:44.000 That's a psychological addiction more than anything.

01:58:47.000 Right, but you do admit that it's an addiction.

01:58:49.000 Do you notice in your personal life when you eat sugar?

01:58:52.000 Checking your email can be an addiction.

01:58:53.000 No, I believe that's an addiction.

01:58:56.000 I believe I'm an addict.

01:58:57.000 I believe I'm a computer addict.

01:58:59.000 And I want someone to text me.

01:59:01.000 I've seen people that can't stop texting.

01:59:02.000 They can't stop texting no matter where they are.

01:59:04.000 I heard a story the other day that a couple in Korea, they met online in some World of Warcraft kind of thing.

01:59:12.000 They met in person.

01:59:14.000 Had a baby.

01:59:16.000 And then just kept going to these cafes and in their online world they had a child together and they came home one night and their real baby had died from starvation.

01:59:30.000 Because they were so hooked on the internet. 1.00

01:59:35.000 They're idiots. 1.00

01:59:36.000 That doesn't mean the internet should be illegal. 1.00

01:59:37.000 No, I don't think it should be illegal, but I'm saying...

01:59:39.000 I know you're not saying that.

01:59:41.000 But the difference between...

01:59:42.000 You can just go, well, sugar is...

01:59:44.000 Way more people are obese than our...

01:59:46.000 That's nice, but I like Snickers bars.

01:59:48.000 I like to have a brass Snickers bar if I want one.

01:59:51.000 Right.

01:59:51.000 You're just going to get taxed for it.

01:59:52.000 I'm willing to pay the tax, then you're going to pay a much larger tax...

01:59:58.000 But that doesn't cure anybody.

02:00:00.000 That doesn't solve any of the problems.

02:00:02.000 People have quit smoking by 40%. 0.67

02:00:03.000 Smoking is fucking way down. 0.83

02:00:06.000 From when? 0.95

02:00:06.000 From 20 years ago. 0.95

02:00:08.000 Really?

02:00:08.000 40%.

02:00:09.000 That's pretty high.

02:00:10.000 And particularly among teenagers.

02:00:11.000 Really?

02:00:12.000 Well, that's a good start.

02:00:13.000 Yeah, that's what I mean.

02:00:15.000 Like, it is when they go, you can't legislate.

02:00:17.000 Yeah, you can if you're smart about it. 1.00

02:00:20.000 And it is, you know, this shit is a drain on society. 0.99

02:00:26.000 Well, they should also do the opposite, too, which is making vegetables and healthy food cheaper because it's so expensive. 0.99

02:00:33.000 They would subsidize vegetables by taxing Snickers.

02:00:38.000 So you're in favor of the government getting all illy-willy in people's business and taxing things.

02:00:44.000 Yeah, but again, it's people's business.

02:00:46.000 But where does that money go, man?

02:00:47.000 That's when the real problem comes. 0.99

02:00:49.000 Everybody thinks that taxing things is a solution, but you're going to give that money to an inept government that's just going to create more fucking jobs. 0.97

02:00:55.000 And it's not going to go towards what you want it to go toward. 0.93

02:00:57.000 It's going to go towards many, many jobs being set up for the spreading of this money that you brought in through new taxes.

02:01:05.000 Most of the time, you raise taxes, you're going to raise government.

02:01:08.000 The government gets bigger, there's more jobs, more people working in the government.

02:01:11.000 Very few things actually get fixed, but there'll be more people working.

02:01:15.000 Okay, well, or you can, everyone can, the alternative in these, in the case of cigarettes and...

02:01:21.000 This should be illegal. 0.71

02:01:23.000 They kill people.

02:01:24.000 They should be illegal. 0.87

02:01:25.000 I agree.

02:01:26.000 I mean, if you're going to keep anything illegal, number one should be cigarettes.

02:01:29.000 And I don't think they should be illegal. 0.99

02:01:30.000 I think you should be able to smoke cigarettes every fucking day. 0.99

02:01:33.000 Don't get me wrong. 0.99

02:01:34.000 But if you're going to go by the law that the government has, the pattern of behavior that the government has been pushing since forever, that they're looking out for the best interests of their citizens, how is that possible?

02:01:44.000 But again, the tobacco stats are pretty encouraging.

02:01:46.000 I mean, if you say that's a good start...

02:01:49.000 450 million people, or 450,000 people, rather, in this country alone.

02:01:54.000 450,000, just in this country, and 5 million worldwide.

02:01:58.000 Yeah, but it used to be 800,000.

02:01:59.000 But it's still an insane number of people. 0.99

02:02:01.000 That pile of bodies is fucking huge. 0.98

02:02:04.000 Alcohol is way more than that, though. 0.99

02:02:05.000 No, no, no.

02:02:06.000 Alcoholism?

02:02:07.000 Related deaths?

02:02:08.000 No, no, no, no.

02:02:09.000 It's not as many as cigarettes.

02:02:11.000 Yeah, it's like 150,000.

02:02:13.000 Believe it or not.

02:02:13.000 You could drink yourself to death slow.

02:02:16.000 I'm talking about the amount of people that stopped partially as a result of the higher taxation.

02:02:22.000 Just making them prohibitively expensive.

02:02:24.000 And that's what I'm saying about taxing Snickers.

02:02:29.000 It may not be addictive to you, but clearly it's addictive to a lot of people. 0.99

02:02:35.000 I would say if you want to tax the fucking holy shit out of cigarettes and keep selling them, I would say good. 0.99

02:02:39.000 That sounds like a good idea. 0.99

02:02:40.000 But is it possible that the money that you take from the taxes would directly go towards something that seems worthwhile?

02:02:48.000 Well, how about the lottery? 0.99

02:02:50.000 The lottery goes and fucking builds roads. 0.99

02:02:53.000 There's the lottery bill drove? 1.00

02:02:54.000 That's what it is?

02:02:54.000 Yes, that's what it is.

02:02:56.000 I mean, there are tons of things. 0.99

02:02:57.000 The lottery in England pays for fucking the BBC. The lottery is amazing. 0.98

02:03:01.000 Yeah.

02:03:02.000 I mean, it's such... 1.00

02:03:03.000 And you want to talk about that shit, the lottery should be illegal. 0.99

02:03:07.000 Well, and sort of, yeah, but not really. 1.00

02:03:09.000 I mean, you can do it. 1.00

02:03:10.000 You're preying on stupid people. 1.00

02:03:12.000 What should be illegal is shorting things. 1.00

02:03:14.000 How is that nuttiness of gambling legal in the stock market?

02:03:19.000 The nuttiness of gambling like the guy who shorted America's credit rating?

02:03:22.000 I actually have no beef with that guy.

02:03:25.000 Because if you can bet on growth, you can bet on contraction.

02:03:28.000 Yeah, but you're betting.

02:03:30.000 Then you're betting.

02:03:32.000 You're not investing in the stock market.

02:03:35.000 You're gambling money.

02:03:36.000 Yeah, but investment is gambling.

02:03:39.000 You're gambling that this company is going to become more profitable.

02:03:41.000 Sort of, but you're supposed to be educated as to the benefits of this company.

02:03:46.000 Oh, no, but... 0.99

02:03:48.000 I was in PetroChina and fucking Lockheed Martin. 0.99

02:03:51.000 I didn't even know. 0.99

02:03:52.000 But I'm not saying, you don't think of it as gambling.

02:03:56.000 You think of it as investing in a company that you believe in.

02:03:59.000 I absolutely see this gambling.

02:04:01.000 I think the stock market in the traditional sense of the term is not that.

02:04:05.000 People no longer buy things because they believe in the company.

02:04:09.000 They just look at the metrics.

02:04:10.000 Oh, I don't know that's true.

02:04:11.000 That's not true.

02:04:12.000 I know a guy who has Apple stock. 0.99

02:04:14.000 He's a huge Apple fan, and one of the reasons why he's all excited about the Apple stock doing so good is he's a fucking Apple fan. 0.99

02:04:19.000 He loves it. 0.98

02:04:20.000 Yeah, I think that's a small, small percentage.

02:04:23.000 I don't know.

02:04:24.000 I think it might be a small percentage, but I think, you know, some people that invest, they do invest with their, you know, just people that invested in Ford that are all excited that Ford's doing well because it's an American company.

02:04:34.000 You know, they invest with their head and their heart at the same time.

02:04:36.000 Yeah, but I think that that's not the...

02:04:38.000 That's an average person.

02:04:39.000 Yeah, I think the average...

02:04:41.000 I don't...

02:04:41.000 I'm a relatively smart guy, like I keep saying.

02:04:48.000 I got into a green investment thing because I'd like them to do well, but I'm probably losing money. 1.00

02:04:56.000 My financial guy was like, this is stupid. 0.97

02:05:02.000 Just let me put it in PetroChina, Lockheed Martin, Coke, GE, all these monoliths. 1.00

02:05:09.000 And so you managed it.

02:05:10.000 You did it more with your morality than you did with your pocketbook.

02:05:14.000 Yeah, but I was discouraged by a relatively...

02:05:19.000 It seems to me that the idea of shorting seems crazy.

02:05:24.000 The idea that you can gamble.

02:05:25.000 That's when it's really gambling.

02:05:27.000 Anything else to me seems that it's investing.

02:05:29.000 You invest your money, you buy shares of a stock that you believe in, whether you believe in them because you like them or whether you believe in them because you think it's a good...

02:05:37.000 You know, investment.

02:05:38.000 They're growing and they're going to continue to grow.

02:05:40.000 You like the way they're set up.

02:05:41.000 I think that's one of the few naive points of view you hold.

02:05:45.000 You're singing that like a singer.

02:05:46.000 You're holding their thing.

02:05:46.000 Yeah, I know.

02:05:47.000 Because it's hurting my ears.

02:05:48.000 Why is that naive?

02:05:49.000 Because people just are in the stock market to make a profit.

02:05:54.000 Right.

02:05:54.000 They're in it to make a profit, but they look at this as, this is going to make me a profit.

02:05:58.000 This is a good, sound investment.

02:06:00.000 Right, but it has nothing to do with, I like the company, I like, it's just, they have a good CEO. It doesn't have to have anything to do with that.

02:06:06.000 I can see that.

02:06:07.000 That doesn't have to have anything to do with it.

02:06:08.000 It could be that you just look at, they appear to be, continue to be profitable.

02:06:12.000 That makes sense to me, though, that you can invest in something that it could be profitable, I'm going to invest in this.

02:06:17.000 Yeah, but so why can't you do the opposite where you go, it's Because you're gambling.

02:06:21.000 You're shorting.

02:06:22.000 That's what I don't understand. 0.99

02:06:23.000 You are literally saying, I'm willing to bet a billion dollars that this fucking country is going to lose its credit rate. 0.97

02:06:29.000 But you lose if it goes up. 0.99

02:06:30.000 That's the thing.

02:06:30.000 It's not like you...

02:06:31.000 It's the same...

02:06:32.000 It's just the inverse of investing.

02:06:35.000 You're going...

02:06:36.000 You just basically...

02:06:36.000 You borrow money.

02:06:38.000 You borrow a million dollars that you have to start paying back.

02:06:43.000 You have to pay...

02:06:44.000 I understand the concept.

02:06:45.000 You know what it is.

02:06:45.000 I understand the concept.

02:06:47.000 I see it as just the inverse. 0.97

02:06:49.000 It seems fucking crazy. 0.95

02:06:51.000 Luckily I'm not in finance. 0.98

02:06:53.000 Nor are you, Brian.

02:06:54.000 What are you doing with your sleeves?

02:06:56.000 It's hot.

02:06:57.000 What are you doing?

02:06:57.000 It is hot.

02:06:58.000 Are you hot?

02:06:58.000 I'm trying to pipe on it.

02:06:59.000 Because Neil is rolling up his things.

02:07:01.000 How long?

02:07:01.000 You've been on this for a long time, haven't you?

02:07:02.000 I think we're over.

02:07:03.000 I think this is it. 1.00

02:07:03.000 Let's bring this bitch to the barn. 1.00

02:07:06.000 Bring him home. 1.00

02:07:06.000 Bring him to the barn. 1.00

02:07:07.000 Yeah.

02:07:08.000 Thank you, everybody, for tuning in.

02:07:10.000 Thank you, Neil Brennan.

02:07:11.000 And you guys can see Neil Brennan in one of the dates again?

02:07:15.000 25, 26, 27 in Baltimore at the Baltimore Comedy Factory.

02:07:20.000 And listen to the podcast called The Champs.

02:07:22.000 Yeah, it's a dope comedy club.

02:07:24.000 If it's the same place as the Improv, that place was great.

02:07:26.000 And the Champs is on iTunes, correct?

02:07:27.000 Yep, and Stitcher and all that.

02:07:29.000 Yeah, and you can find it just online.

02:07:32.000 Go search it.

02:07:34.000 Search Neil Brennan and follow him on Twitter.

02:07:36.000 Yeah.

02:07:37.000 And that's it.

02:07:38.000 So many ways.

02:07:39.000 I will feed you, baby.

02:07:41.000 We will be back September 23rd.

02:07:43.000 I'm at the Paramount Theater in Denver, Colorado.

02:07:47.000 And what is it?

02:07:48.000 September 16th?

02:07:49.000 16th.

02:07:50.000 16th at the House of Blues in New Orleans.

02:07:53.000 I'm very excited about that.

02:07:55.000 That should be a lot of fun.

02:07:56.000 Yeah, and that's it.

02:07:58.000 Thank you, everybody, for tuning in, and we'll see you next week.

02:08:01.000 Kevin Smith is August 30th.

02:08:03.000 He's going to be doing it.

02:08:04.000 And Anthony Bourdain, September 11th.

02:08:06.000 Oh, that's awesome.

02:08:07.000 Holla at your boy. 0.81

02:08:08.000 Talk to you guys soon. 1.00

02:08:09.000 Love you, bitches. 1.00

02:08:10.000 Oh, and the Fleshlight. 0.99

02:08:11.000 Yeah, go to JoeRogan.net.

02:08:13.000 Thank you, Fleshlight, for sponsoring us and keeping the lights on.

02:08:17.000 And thank you for providing a good place to shoot loads.

02:08:20.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for the flashlight and enter in the code name ROGAN, you will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men.

02:08:27.000 Alright, that's it.

02:08:28.000 We'll see you guys soon.

02:08:29.000 Thank you very much.

The Joe Rogan Experience - August 17, 2011

Joe Rogan Experience #131 - Neal Brennan

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Transcript